#I feel like this is why I often don’t feel the same way as other valvert fans tho

[ferigrievous]

USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI HCS ⋆˚࿔

says good morning at any time of day and sees nothing wrong with it

the kind of guy who pees with the bathroom lights off and door wide open.

completely unfazed by horror movies, but jumps a little when the toaster is finished

autistic. got diagnosed when he was like four and he thinks it doesnt affect his life but everyone else knows otherwise.

a quarter south east asian on his moms side, but he doesnt know where because they barely talk.

doesnt know how to pose for photos, even post timeskip, and stopped smiling in them for a while because a fan called it scary

doesnt understand sarcasm, and finds it odd that people think he’s being sarcastic often. he speaks the way he wants to be understood, and hates it when people find ulterior meanings

has a little bit of an ego, but its lowkey justified. people talk about him like he's the reincarnation of jesus, so its only natural he thinks that he's better than the average person. doesnt act like it on purpose though.

driest texter in the world like actually. dont even bother texting him at all.

never asks for help when he should, and is stubborn enough to go at it until it works

became self aware in his thirties but didnt end up changing because he doesnt feel the need to explain himself. the people he cares about understand him, and thats enough for him

has had the same breakfast every day for years. only thing he changes is the drink.

probably very particular about the way he does certain things, but not in a way that makes sense to other people, and will not explain it to anyone.

biggest pet peeve is wasting time

has absolutely no awareness of pop culture. he literally reads the ads on magazines this man does not know who beyonce is.

doesnt own anything he doesnt need to own, so his place post timeskip literally looks like he just moved in yesterday

but he also keeps everything anyone has ever given him, and is basically the only decoration

doesnt think of it as sentimentality, more of ‘if i throw this away im disrespecting the person who gave it to me

he doesnt even have a TV, and didnt have a dishwasher until he turned thirty 

very practical dresser. doesnt own anything just for ‘fashion’. very function over form

actually reads instruction manuals back to front

genuinely honest to god could not care about social norms. not even in a rebellious way, but in a ‘why would i put in that much effort to be misunderstood anyway’ way

never rewatches shows or movies. doesnt get the concept of it.

a very good listener, but only offers logical solutions

doesnt believe in luck.

never loses his temper, just gets really quiet and cold because he doesnt want to say something he doesnt mean.

always drives the exact speed limit. no more, no less, and if someone brings it up while riding with him, he’ll give them the nastiest side eye unintentionally

once won a raffle and tried to give the prize back because ‘someone else might need it more’

doesn’t correct people when they misunderstand him. they’ll figure it out or they won’t

has never once left a voicemail. if they don’t pick up, he just hangs up

when he’s done talking to someone, he just stops responding

actually a really good cook but eats like three meals because he just doesnt have time

has never once in his life misplaced a sock,

always remembers exactly where he parked, no matter which exit he comes out from

people assume he’s no fun, but he just has very specific definitions of fun

[ req ; @deardoelle ]

[blossomarlia]

hi! i loved your drabble about james x reader after the party, it was so cute :) if requests are open, could i please ask for fem!reader who has a tricky relationship with her parents, and maybe she and james go for lunch or something aand it goes badly? just like him comforting her and telling her she's not in the wrong if that makes sense. no pressure!

hi, hope this is sort of what you wanted!

james potter x fem!reader

warnings: mentions of poor relationship with family, especially mother

Driving with James is almost never quiet. He’s always got something to say, or you have, or the two of you are listening to one of several CDs Remus burned your favourite songs into. James insists that you’re in the passenger seat, so you can choose the music more easily, so you can talk with your hands the way you do, so you can doze off after work. You once drove six hours together and it passed like thirty minutes, your conversation was so easy. 

Now, you stare out the window and pretend you haven’t been wiping away tears for the fifteen minutes since he pulled out of your family’s driveway. For his part, you don’t think James has noticed your upset; he’s been gripping the steering wheel with both hands and breathing so evenly that it must be intentional, clearly lost in his own thoughts. You hate this tension, hate that the discomfort and hurt of lunch has infested spaces beyond the dining table of your childhood home. 

It’s absurd, in hindsight, that you were so hopeful. You don’t know why it keeps happening, why you let it. You’d thought maybe with James there, with any stranger but especially one so bright and warm, they’d hold back. You were wrong. 

Things began pleasantly enough; after stressing about timing, you’d arrived ten minutes early and brought an apple pie James had helped you make this morning. Your mother enjoys reminding you that guests don’t get invited back if they don’t show how grateful they are for an invitation with some sort of gift. You wonder why it matters to you that being re-invited to your family home is so important, but it is. Even just as a guest. 

You’d helped in the kitchen while your father watched television. James tried to help, too, but was turned away. You’d felt the air shift as soon as you were alone with your mother. 

It’s nothing against you, not in the slightest! Only, young men like that aren’t often in it for the long term with girls like you.

You’d frowned, pretended not to know what she meant. It was only the same thing she’d said about both other boys you’d brought home.

You’re a nice girl, but what can you truly offer him? He’s good-looking, wealthy family, and you said he plays rugby? Sweetheart, you never want to be with somebody because they’re settling. That’s just my opinion.

The meal itself was worse. Despite your pleas, your family remarked on James’ family, their standing and their properties and how your father felt about James’ mother’s charity. Everything was said perfectly pleasantly, but you were humiliated. When it came time to criticise your shortcomings, you couldn’t muster a single protest, eager to redirect their scrutiny of your boyfriend to their usual commentary on you. Your hair, your clothing, your weight, your job, your flat- it didn’t end, not until you’d helped your mother wash up and James made a stiff excuse about needing to be back in London by five o’clock. 

You know you must’ve let him down terribly. With your friends, you’re never the type to take anything lying down, more sure of yourself and able to let banter slide off you like water. You feel as if you’ve tricked James, somehow, now that he’s seen the way you truly are: silent, unable to stand up for yourself. You’re embarrassed of yourself more than your family. Humiliated worse than you’ve ever been.

You sniff, and it must be the first James notices of your tears because he pulls over to the emergency lane immediately. “Oh, my girl,” He leans across the center console and gives you as nice of a hug as he can from a somewhat awkward position. 

“Sorry,” You say, crying properly now. It’s harder to hold back when you see the worry on his lovely features. “Sorry, I’m overreacting.”

“Not at all, angel,” He says immediately. He rubs his hands firmly up and down your sides. “I’m sorry, I should’ve paid more attention to how upset you are. They were horrible to you.”

“They were just-” You begin, but the excuse doesn’t come. You’re sure you had one ready to go, some explanation or justification for today. “I don’t think they’re trying to be hurtful. They’re my family, I love them.”

“I don’t care what they were trying to do,” James frowns, “It was awful, the way they spoke to you. I wish I’d said something more.”

You shake your head, feeling panic seizing your lungs even after you’ve left the house. During the meal, you’d felt nauseous the minute James spoke up- he’d only said that’s not fair over some half-true comment your mother made, but your heart seized as if he’d thrown a dish of food at her.

“No, it- I didn’t want it to become an argument. I asked you not to.”

More kindly than you feel you deserve, James doesn’t comment on your half-panicked texts to him under the lunch table. You hate the knowledge that they’ll exist there forever, that the next time he opens your contact he’ll be reminded of how feeble you’ve been. 

“Are they always that way?”

“I don’t know,” You sniff again, swiping under your nose. “I think- I think sometimes they’re better, but I don’t know. I wish I’d stood up for myself more when I was younger.”

“None of this is your fault,” James is quick to assure you. “It wasn’t your job to do that, they shouldn’t- I don’t understand how anyone can be so cruel to you. You’re so easy to be kind to.”

“They aren’t cruel, they’re just-”

“They are,” He insists, sympathy and regret lining his face. “I wish you’d stop accepting it, sweetheart.”

It stings, and James sees your reaction but you jump in before he can elaborate; “I’m sorry I didn’t stand up for myself. It must’ve been disappointing.”

He’s quiet for a moment, and when you glance up he’s pinching the bridge of his nose. You feel terrible- you know James didn’t mean it that way, and you’ve been unfair. He sighs. “I’m disappointed by the situation, not by you. Never by you. I hate that this is so normal for you, my darling, that’s all.”

He’s so lovely that you cry again, and James rubs your back as you do. He’s a dream; you’d imagined as a younger person that all the awful stress and pressure of your family meant you’d someday meet someone perfectly gentle and kind, and subsequently hated yourself for creating such an unlikely fairytale. You didn’t believe in people like James until you met and loved him, didn’t think you were the sort of person who attracted them. 

“We don’t need to visit them again,” James tells you quietly when you’ve calmed down a bit. “I don’t want you to think you have an obligation to them; if it doesn’t make you happy to be there, we’ll make excuses. Blame me- say I have chronic food poisoning, or something.”

“I think that’s called an allergy, Jamie,” You sniff, holding one of his hands in both of yours. You stare at the lines of his palm, though you can’t remember what each one is supposed to mean. “I-I want to be a good daughter.”

“You are a good daughter, better than they deserve,” He says. “But you’re the only person you’re going to spend your entire life with, the only one you really have to be around every day. It’s okay to put yourself first.”

“I can’t just never see them again.”

“No, I know that. That’s alright.” He swipes his thumbs gently over the soft skin under your eyes. “Just give yourself a break, yeah?” You take a shaky breath, nodding. “I love you.”

“And I love you, angel,” He smiles warmly. “As do many, many other people. My parents won’t stop hassling me about when I’m next bringing you over.”

You laugh wetly, more pleased than you want to reveal. “Really?”

“Yeah. You’re the only person who can rival Dad’s croquet skills, and he needs humbling.” You both laugh, now, and James cups your face in both hands as he kisses you. “My brave girl,” He says, still so close you feel the shape of the sentence against your skin. “I hope you know how loved you are.”

You don’t respond; you aren’t sure what you can say, and James understands either way. He threads his fingers through yours and squeezes as he moves back to sit in his seat. He doesn’t let go of your hand the whole way home.

[scarybabe]

Have you lost some weight? You look a bit skinnier now.. I hope you are doing well, and that you will gain some more weight 😊

I’m just gonna share a chat I had with a close friend because it’s easier than explaining all this

Just remember - not everyone values thinness, even if society does, even if it makes certain things easier. Not everyone who loses weight does it intentionally either.

Had to fix a typo haha

❤️ also consider this post from @werewolf4hire

I agree with all of that.. when I was actively gaining, other fat people & people losing weight were often shittier to me about wanting to gain than people who had never been fat before.. you see it a lot in subreddits like /r/ fatlogic (don’t go they’re everyone’s miserable) and they couldn’t understand why I believe fatness is a beautiful and desirable thing.

I didn’t put any effort into losing weight, I didn’t restrict calories or do cardio - I do track macros but that’s mainly so I don’t accidentally under-eat because I still struggle to identify when I’m hungry, and nutrition is super important for muscle growth.

I did not lose weight because I didn’t want to be fat, I don’t know how much more I can express that. As soon as my body found a size that I can maintain (aka stopped losing weight despite eating as well as I can) I figured out exactly how much I need to eat in order to not lose another pound, my maintenance is around 3,000 calories a day (more before my period). It actually takes effort to eat that much some days - I am actively PREVENTING further weight loss.

I don’t like talking about weight loss because tbh losing weight made me sad and insecure. I liked the way my fat felt way more when it was plump and thick, not squishy and empty feeling. I got a BBL to try and ameliorate that - if I had plateaued at a higher weight and didn’t have “empty hips”, I would not have had a BBL. Just trying to make lemonade out of a very lemon-y situation 🥲

I’ve been on the receiving end of fatphobic cruelty more times than I can count, if I was naturally heavier I would be enjoying lifting weights in my bigger body and doing all the same things I do now happily (just larger), because wanting to heal my relationship with food and my body was never about losing weight for me. I don’t relate to thin people anymore, it doesn’t matter that my waist is smaller because when I go out in a baggy shirt and joggers or cargo pants (as I often do) I’m still perceived as being plus size because I am WIDE.

[cerisahh]

can i request tdlosk jealous headcanons ?

FOCUS ON ME !

summary ꒱ how would tdlosk characters react if they were jealous

characters included ꒱ saiki, saiko, teruhashi

notes ꒱ hi anon! you didn’t specify which characters you wanted so i just did three for now. i did scenarios in which the characters are jealous and how they would react in each situation rather than a headcanon format - i hope you enjoy it! i may do a part two to this if anyone has any other characters they would like to see ^_^

KUSUO SAIKI

saiki, despite being the powerful psychic he is, has limited experience in basic human emotions.

not that he can’t feel them of course, it’s just hard for him to recognise it sometimes. often he’ll believe a new, unfamiliar feeling is just another drawback of his psychic abilities.

he’s sitting in class during break, tuning out the droning of his self proclaimed friends that are insistent on surrounding him at every possible turn, when the familiar lilt of your laugh filters across his mind.

you two don’t share the same class, but the sound of your laugh isn’t uncommon when around him - even though he never intentionally makes any jokes - so he just brushes it off.

until he hears toritsuka’s voice intertwined with yours. you’re actually conversing with that degenerate? what on earth would possess you to do that?

he decides to focus in on you two. toritsuka seems to be trying to invite you to a cafe after school. it’s of little consequence to saiki, he knows you won’t entertain or indulge in any of toritsuka’s perverted fantasies.

imagine how he visibly tenses when he hears you agree. kaidou sees his face and asks him if he's alright, teruhashi asks him if he's feeling ill, and nendou asks him if he needs to go do a number two.

saiki doesn't offer anyone with a response or clarification as he exits the classroom, every step wondering why he did. maybe, no, it was definitely toritsuka's voice grating on his last nerve.

he decides against paying the classroom you two are in a visit, he'll just... take a trip to this cafe after school too. to ensure toritsuka stays respectful and doesn't go getting any bright ideas about you.

he’s certain the school day has gone by faster than usual as he makes his way outside of the gates. you and toritsuka are walking together a little ahead of him.

saiki doesn't bother with his invisibility since toritsuka would be able to see him regardless, he just keeps a reasonable distance from you two.

you on the other hand, blissfully unaware there's a presence following you and toritsuka, are having a blast. you were the first person to welcome toritsuka to PK academy, and since then you've become quite friendly with each other. although, this is the first time you've hung out together after school.

the cafe he suggested going to was actually one of your favourites. saiki knew that too, he was the one that introduced you to it.

your meet-up is going well. too well for saiki's taste. surely you must know toritsuka's true nature? saiki can hear his thoughts. currently he’s wondering how your lip gloss tastes. he’s truly despicable.

any idiot would know your favourite flavour of lip gloss is cherry.

what saiki does next, he would not call sabotage, but simply an effort to save you from toritsuka. using his telekinesis, he sends a wave of vertigo to the waitress coming over with your drinks so that it’ll spill on toritsuka.

in a turn of events too quick to see with his precognition, the waitress trips over her left foot instead of her right, spilling the drinks all over you instead.

while saiki looks on, horrified, toritsuka takes the opportunity to help you try and remove the stains using a napkin. to no avail, mind you. but it gave toritsuka a perfect opportunity to, well, admire you, let’s say.

saiki is lucky the coffee jelly he ordered hasn’t come yet, as he would’ve unconsciously blown up the glass.

you excuse yourself to try and fix yourself up in the washroom. saiki sits and glowers at an unsuspecting toritsuka for a moment before deciding he's finally had enough of him.

using telepathy, he transmits a message directly to toritsuka's mind; 'someone's messing with your porno mags'.

it's almost too easy. toritsuka's eyes practically boggle out of his head and he races out of the cafe, scribbling a hasty message out for you on a napkin with the broken tip of a crayon. good riddance.

it isn't hard to pick out your voice in the cafe, given it's only mildly crowded. you've failed to remove the stain from your shirt. and it landed all over your lap too! what a shame. you'd have to wash your uniform again tonight.

you exit the bathroom with an apology on the tip of your tongue for taking so long, but the only apology that materialises is the hastily written one toritsuka has left for you on the table.

oh, you think, what was really so important that he had to ditch not even halfway through? did he get embarrassed because i looked so messy? it wasn't my fault the waitress tripped!

correct. it was saiki's. speaking of saiki, was that pink hair in the corner of your eye him? oh! it is! you guys are pretty close, so saiki shouldn't mind if you crash his solo coffee jelly date, right?

saiki finds that he wouldn't mind one bit.

METORI SAIKO

you could count on one finger that amount of times saiko has been jealous of someone.

having as much money as he does, there’s no point in being jealous when he could just, literally buy whatever, or whoever he wanted.

i imagine the first time he feels jealousy when regarding you would be on your birthday. stay with me here.

from the moment you wake up to the evening, he's treated you to a multitude of very expensive activities. perhaps you two take a private helicopter tour over japan, or he surprises you with a meet and greet with your idol, i definitely see him spending hours in an exclusive boutique to get you an array of new outfits.

the point is, there's no limit to what he can get you. his wealth is unfathomable, and you're treated like a princess for the entire day.

he, of course, throws you a lavish party in the evening. friends, family, and famous people attend in equal proportions. soon enough, it's time for the gift opening.

a large majority of the party goers have departed as the hours have rolled on, only your close family and your closest friends remain now.

you open saiko's gifts first, a smorgasbord of one of a kind jewellery pieces, practically a new closet's worth of designer outfits, bags, shoes and accessories, and even an exotic pet you had mentioned briefly in passing.

your appreciation and affection for him is evident as you plant a kiss on his cheek, thanking him for your gifts and for the adventure filled day he planned out for you.

saiko waves it off, exclaiming 'only the best' would ever be enough for you.

you go through everyone else's gifts then, saiko has no doubt that his were the best gifts you had received all night. these plebians couldn't even dream of topping it. not that they even could, considering the price of everything he had bought was more than they would ever see in their lifetime.

you're opening up kuboyasu's gift eventually, who is rubbing his neck with an air of nervousness as he explains your gift - a colourful and funky pair of butterfly earrings.

saiko thinks they're the ugliest things on the planet. they're nothing compared to the jewellery he gifted you earlier. much too gaudy and cheap looking. they can't have cost much at all.

so why on earth are you squealing at them like they're the finest things you've ever seen? you instantly put them on and marvel at them in the mirror, thanking kuboyasu profusely for such a thoughtful gift.

kuboyasu explains that he saw them at a market stall and thought of you and your affinity for butterflies so he had to get them for your birthday.

oh please, saiko thinks, any fool would know she likes butterflies. i got her a pair of sapphire encrusted butterfly earrings too. so what's the big deal with four eyes' gift?

as to not ruin your birthday, saiko wisely keeps his mouth shut for the remainder of the gathering. it's only when everybody goes home later in the night does he say anything.

you're both sat in the centre of the grandeur when he asks you if he liked your birthday. you, of course, give him a resounding yes and chatter about your favourite parts of the day. but all saiko can think about is those damn butterflies that are still in your ears.

you notice him staring at them and touch them with your finger, "it was so thoughtful for kuboyasu to gift these to me, don't you think?"

saiko bristles at his name and harrumphs, "they're certainly an... acquired taste". he softens a little when he notices your expression. "i don't understand. you seemed to like his gift a lot more than you liked mine. were they not up to your standards?"

it takes a moment for you to understand what he's saying but when you do you almost sigh at him, "oh, metori. you silly silly man."

you assure him that you adored the gifts he gave you more than anything, who wouldn't? your outward reaction at kuboyasu's gift was due to the fact it was so unique and unexpected - with it being the first gift you'd received from one of your new friends, and the fact that you didn't even know that he knew you like butterflies, so it was a surprise getting that from him.

ah, he thinks, your reaction was more surprise than anything! his jealousy burns little brighter than a flame now, content with the revelation and the confirmation that you didn't like four eyes more than him. it was a ridiculous notion in the first place. nobody could compare to him.

although he does take it into consideration for your next birthday, he still goes all out with expensive gifts, but he takes more care into choosing some authentic, personal presents for you as well.

KOKOMI TERUHASHI

you're a childhood friend of hers, only recently having moved back to japan. to your luck, your parents secured a job relatively close to PK academy, so you get enrolled there.

teruhashi is so excited to see you again, it’s been a few years since your last meet-up, so she has lots of gossip to catch you up with.

you two walk to school together, filling each other in on various things that have happened in your lives since you saw each other last.

you notice pretty quickly that kokomi is still as popular as ever. even just on the way to school people have been gawking at the two of you - and at least three in the last two minutes have offered you a ride to school. one guy even offered to give you his car.

skilfully avoiding the adoring masses, you two end up at school early as you’d both planned, giving teruhashi ample time to show you around a little before classes start. you’re in her class of course, after a few strings had been pulled on her end.

it doesn’t take long before you get swarmed again, having barely seen any of your new school at all. boys, and even some girls of every year crowd the two of you, asking teruhashi how she is, what she thinks of the weather, if she needs anything - one boy even asks her if she wishes to be carried to class.

ah, nothing much has changed then.

until their attention switches to you after teruhashi introduces you to them. you bow politely to the crowd. best to make a good first impression with the people that are infatuated with your best friend. you’ll probably spend most of your time in this school seeing them anyway.

“woah, it makes sense that teruhashi would surround herself with someone just as attractive as her!”

“our goddess and her disciple!”

‘what a pain. another teruhashi to deal with.’

you feel a little overwhelmed with all the crowding but try and make the most of it by introducing yourself politely.

despite your outward peaceful expression, you’re internally freaking out with all the attention on you. sure, you were aware you were attractive to a point. but these kids can’t all be that obsessed with physical appearance can they?!

the answer is; yes they are. you’re suffocated by questions and compressed by a wall of bodies. where did you come from? why did you decide to come back to japan? how long have you been friends with teruhashi? do you want an escort to class?

it’s actually dizzying. you’ve a newfound respect for kokomi’s willpower - not only having the patience to deal with these people, but also having the willpower to not verbally assault them.

teruhashi has been trying to quell the excitement since it started to small avail. her perfect facade showing cracks as her practiced smiles twitch with every ounce of attention on you.

not that she hates other people having attention on them! well, maybe a little - but not you! you’re probably one of the only people she could stand to receive attention over her. but all she can think about is how they’re taking you away from her.

how dare they! she thinks, outwardly maintaining a perfectly polite demeanour. how dare these nobodies get in our way. sure, we’re gorgeous but that doesn’t give you the right to crowd us! and to top it off you’re making it so i can’t even finish catching up with them! what do you people know about them, huh? at this rate we won’t even get to class on time - i’m putting an end to this!

all teruhashi has to do is clear her throat and the entire corridor is silent, aside from a couple students who don’t care at all moving around the congregation that’s formed around the both of you.

“i’m sorry everyone, but we have to get going to class,” a chorus of sighs and aww’s fills the air, “thank you so much for giving my friend a PK welcome, everyone has been so accommodating! have a good day, everybody!”

her dismissal, soft but firm, causes the crowd to disperse. holy shit, it’s like she had these people under mind control. you were glad for it though, that wasn’t a great experience for you.

kokomi’s cheerful presence after the fact makes up for it though, and you barely notice that she’s walking closer with you than before.

your first day goes by with no more hiccups, you almost get a repeat of the crowd at the school gates but with a flowery goodbye from kokomi to the masses, you’re off without a hitch.

you stifle a grin as you leave the love drunk boys at the gates, “kokomi, you have that school wrapped around your little finger! i don’t know whether to be jealous or impressed!”

she pretends to be flustered and waves you off with a blush. you’ve barely brushed the surface of her influence and power.

[strangerthingsfanworkrecs]

Can I recommend somnambulic-thing? They write fics, do art and edits, and even work on creating events for the fandom. They run the Stranger Things x OC blog and community to try and help OC writers find a home, and it's really helped me feel more confident in my storytelling knowing that I'm not alone in writing an OC.

Artist Highlight: Somnambulic-thing

This week, we're highlighting @somnambulic-thing! All recs tagged #somnambulic-thing will be for their work, both fic and arts.

They answered some questions about their running their OC blog and works under the cut!

Why stranger things?

I have been obsessed with Stephen King’s work since I was around 18 and when in 2016 a good friend told me there was currently a show that was like a smoothie of different King novels, and a tasty one at that, I had to check it out and I was hooked immediately. (I have this little headcanon that the ST world is part of the Stephen King multiverse, which every King book is part of, but I digress.) But it wasn’t until after season four that I started seeking out ST fandom spaces, eventually letting the ideas out of my head by creating my own fanworks, too.

Is there a character or aspect of the show that you like to create for?

My puppet of choice is that Munson boy. The moment he got onto that table, I knew that this little shit head would be very special to me and it turned out that everything about his story and how it weaves into the overall story was deeply personal to me on many, many levels.

What made you decide to mod for the stranger things x oc blog / community?

I love OC’s. My first project was an Eddie x OC story but when I first joined the fandom, it was hard to find people who were really interested in that and so I tried out the x reader thing and stuck with it exclusively for quite some time and while it brought me a lot of joy (still does) something was missing for me. Eventually I always come back to story ideas that demand OC’s, or the other way around. Over time, I met more and more people who’d made the same or similar experiences and got the feeling that there is a small but considerable community of OC people out there that just had a hard time finding each other. So I made a poll and the turnout was so positive that I got the idea to set up a community to change that.

Do you have any tips for people who might want to mod their own blogs and events?

- brainstorm your idea with friends and/or mutuals for a while, really talk through all kinds of possibilities and aspects of it before you set up anything (like: workload, set up, resources, rules and guidelines, and if you are willing and able to enforce them, and potentially alienate people in the process and so on) - be ready to learn and adjust your project while you go  - feedback is your friend - find a support system and/or team - be open minded: there will always be fanworks that don’t vibe with your personal taste  - prepare to be disappointed (this might sound a little demotivating first but bare with me) Projects like that tend to be very personal to us who come up with them and often are fueled by enthusiasm, excitement and a specific vision, but there will always be aspects of creating a group-focused project that will frustrate you to some degree. Maybe the participation is low, or the way people interact with your project is not what you had expected, and so on. Don’t take those things personally (rant to your friends in private to get it out of your system if you have to) and focus on the aspects of your project that make it worth it.

 What's your typical writing process?

That depends fully on how the idea presents itself to me. If it’s dialogue, I just write that down with some basic action tags and then try to find the rest of the story by doing a rough outline. If it’s a vibe or an image then I just start typing what I see in my head. If it’s a more complex concept, it’s a bit of everything. I like to show parts to friends while I write, mostly because it’s fun and fuels the process but also to make sure it works outside of my head. Also, when I am stuck I like to go through my vault of unfinished or abandoned drafts to see if something sparks an idea or even fits with what I am currently writing. That works incredibly well for me.

What's a typical photo editing process?

I only work with free to use stock photos and faces from the show or ST promo material. When I’ve found a base for an edit, I try to find a head/expression that is a good fit for the body. By now I have a pretty big library of screenshots, but I still go back to take new ones to fit my vision every now and then. That can take some time and also some trial and error. It happens frequently that I change out the head mid editing process. There is a certain amount that you can morph the body of the model to make the head fit and I often draw in or patchwork together parts that are missing or have the wrong angle. (It’s mostly necks, hair and parts of clothing.) Once the head roughly fits the body, it’s a back and forth between things, depending on the image: adjusting the background: (erasing things or adding them by drawing things in or using cut outs from other images), adjusting and correcting colors (like changing the colors of clothes and objects, matching the skin tones of head and body) and adding little details like patches, or a cat or posters. And then it’s a lot of blending before I match the overall quality (adding all the shadows and light, matching focus and grain). I also show the wip to friends in between to catch any too big heads or broken neck situations.

 Is there a fandom interaction like a comment or rec of your work, that really stood out to you?

Many. From fanart to really long comments picking out their favourite parts and dissecting them, there are a lot I remember specifically and come back to again and again. There is one particular reblog of my story smoke and cherry pop rocks that had such an impact on me at the time. I was going through a difficult time in the offline world and that comment fed and motivated me for weeks. I was still very new to the fandom and I hadn’t expected anybody to be that moved by my writing and pour their soul out to me like that; it felt like I had made a real impact.

What was your favorite project so far?

In early 2024 @bettyfrommars @allthingsjoeq and I curated a Twilight Zone themed prompt list that inspired lots of great stories and introduced me to one of my closest fandom friends. The list is open-ended, in case anybody feels inspired. My favourite project of mine… I have a hard time choosing between my stories. I never shared any of that online but I did fanbinding projects of some of my friends’ works that are very close to my heart. I love tactile things.

What was your hardest project so far?

Probably every multichapter fic I attempted so far. Sticking consistently with one story is incredibly difficult for me. If I had to choose one, it would be Watershed Moments because it’s not only a multichapter fic that deals with very personal topics and themes, but also the structure I choose to tell this story in makes it pretty difficult to construct. That’s why there’s only one chapter out so far. haha.

Is there anything we didn't ask that you'd like to add?

This is an amazing project and I want to give my kudos and love to you for bringing it to life. <3 And also say thank you to all the weird and lovely people who keep coming back to my corner of tumblr.

[secretmellowblog]

For me the ‘canon homoerotic subtext’ between brick!Valjean and Javert is really more about the parallels between Javert and Eponine, who are explicitly set up as character foils.

Brick!Javert isn’t obsessed with Valjean like he is in adaptations. He’s not psychosexually obsessed with hunting him down; he really doesn’t seem to think of him as being any different than any other criminal—- he doesn’t think about Jean Valjean much at all until after Jean Valjean saves his life.

But after the barricades, Javert’s sudden weird desperate emotions about Jean Valjean are like a twisted mirror of his character foil Eponine’s weird desperate emotions for Marius.

Some guy takes pity on them, and extends them a bit of basic impersonal kindness— and they react by descending into this violently self-destructive suicidal admiration built on self-loathing. They’re both described as making themselves the “dogs” of Marius/Valjean, the dogs of people who barely remember they exist.

And anyway! I think there is potential to explore things there in analysis and fanfiction

[the-sappho-of-lesbos]

Talked with my recovery coach about how I’ve been struggling lately so we decided I’m going to try and take myself to some new op shops tomorrow but now it’s almost 1am and I can’t sleep because I’m anxious over it lol

[cuteniaarts]

@katkastrofa, circa 40-ish hours ago: Hey, what if our newest bunch of OCs adopted a baby from one of the other brothel girls who knew she couldn’t afford to raise one? That would make for some fun shenanigans :D

Me, with a notoriously non existent sleep schedule, instinct of self preservation or concern for my poor wrist: Alright, bet. Watch how fast I can make you fall in love with this hypothetical baby >:)

Daneli as a gentle and loving caretaker-turned-adoptive-mother is something that can be So Personal, actually, and originally I was going to leave it at this quick sketch, but then I got carried away thinking about what this child will grow up to be like raised by this little gang of misfits, so…

Here she is!! A little older and so, so beautiful, I need more of her in my life immediately, she’s way too precious

And, because I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t also add a sapphic element to this absolute cinnamon roll, a small crack ship that I’m only half serious about for when she’s a little older still:

All in all, we may be getting impossibly far from canon, but I for one already cannot get enough of sweet darling Kumisai <3

(I fully drew three pieces from scratch in 9 hours I cannot feel my brain or my hands anymore send help)

[j-esbian]

i lost the post but i saw someone talking about how some of y’all act like being weird is a choice and like. YEAHHHHHHH.

that’s fine, it might be for you. but i just live like this and don’t know any other way. like yeah i’ve worked customer service, i can do innocuous small talk, but anything beyond that, i don’t understand what i’m missing. and it’s frustrating to see the tonal disconnect especially from people who are like “uwu embrace weirdness!!” where they’re like. dressing quirky and talking about bugs and listening to obscure music and eschewing small talk to ask Deep Questions on the first date and unlearning their tendency to not infodump. and generally have an idea of what Weirdness is supposed to look like. idk man some of us wake up and get out of bed and can’t figure out why the rest of their coworkers chitchat with each other but when they join the conversation it dies.

weirdness is value neutral. let’s stop trying to turn it into a badge because quite frankly, it’s not a choice for everyone. it’s fucking exhausting to never be on the same wavelength as other people and they’re going to react the way they do and label you the way they will without any conscious actions on your end. it’s difficult to talk about this without feeling like you’ll be dismissed as immature, a teenager whining “no one understands me” but the thing is. sometimes you don’t grow out of feeling alone and different, and there’s no good way to talk about it without feeling like people will think you’re just fishing for pity.

[hacked-by-jake]

I have spent so much time, thoughts, work and tears trying desperately to be someone special/popular/known that there was no room left for the thought of how much more beautiful it would be, instead of becoming someone else, to work on learning to love and accept myself exactly the way I am right now. While this isn’t easy either, it’s still so much easier than becoming someone I’m not.

I want to stop romanticizing that life can only be beautiful if you’re popular and known by many people. But I want to start romanticizing how nice it would be to love yourself. How nice it would be to look at myself and to think "You’re worth it, you’re worth working on accepting and loving yourself."

[insanechayne]

~ ~ ~

[terrestrialnoob]

Gut Feeling

DPXDC

Commissioner Jim Gordon meets an odd kid in the precinct.

--

“Come on, you really don’t have a way to directly contact Batman?”

Jim smiled. Kids came to the station and asked that all the time. Usually, it was just curiosity and showing them the signal was enough to get them to sign up for the Junior Police program. This one looked a little older than most, teenagers were often “too old” to believe in Batman, but again, give them a little faith now and they’ll never loose it.

“Lookin’ for the Bat, kid?” Jim asked, knowing he was about to make this kid’s –

Jim froze. The kid turned to face him and it was Bruce Wayne. Not playboy billionaire Bruce Wayne, but freshly a teenager Bruce Wayne. The Bruce Wayne who Jim had checked in on time and again from age eight until he ran off on a globetrotting trip to find himself. The little Bruce Wayne with too pale skin and dark bags under his eyes, and not enough love to make up for all the grief weighing him down. And he didn’t look like Damian either, where Bruce was obviously his father but there were distinct traits from his mother. This was a carbon copy of a boy Jim remembered vividly.

“I am.” He even sounded like teenage Bruce. All business, like he was on a mission.

“I might be able to help you, but it’ll take a while.” Jim said and the officer the kid had been talking too gave him an odd look. He waved her off and told the kid to follow him to the commissioner’s office. Normally, he’d be more dramatic, put on more of a show for the kid, but his gut told him this was different, this was important. He offered the kid a styrofoam cup of water then closed the door behind him. “So, what do you need to talk to Batman for?”

“It’s personal. I need to talk to him in person.”

Jim took a sip of coffee from his cup. “He doesn’t appreciate me calling for no reason in the middle of the day.”

“So you do have a direct line?” The kid nearly jumped out of his seat. “If he’s upset, it’ll be my fault, just call him, please.”

“Who should I say wants to talk to him?”

The kid hesitated. “He doesn’t know me, but I have to talk to him.”

Jim frowned. “What’s your name, kid?”

He swallowed and looked like he wasn’t going to answer for a moment. “Danny.”

“Danny…?” Jim wanted a last name but Danny kept quiet. Jim sighed, “He’s likely not going to show up until sundown.”

“I can wait, as long as you guarantee he’ll show.”

“And you’re not going to tell me why you need Batman?” Jim just got a glare in response. “What about one of the other heroes?”

“Only Batman, no one else can help.”

“You sure about that? Not even Superman?”

“Not unless Superman can get me in the same room as Batman.”

“Why’s it so important that you meet him in person?”

“It’s personal.”

Jim liked this less and less by the minute. “Do your parents know you’re here?”

Danny looked away but right when it looked like he wouldn’t say anything he mumbled. “They wouldn’t care anyway.”

After another moment to give the kid time to reconsider, Jim pulled out the Bat-phone. It was a normal Wayne-Tech cell phone, but Jim had been given very specific instructions on how and when to use it. The phone listed all the Gotham Vigilantes without visible numbers so they couldn’t be copied and handed out. He pressed the one for Batman.

“Stand outside, would you?” The kid gave him a look, but followed the request. Jim could see his shadow in the door’s window, not so subtle eavesdropping.

It rang a few times, and Jim sat there awkwardly with a teenager listening to his every move. Finally, a familiar voice picked up the other end of the line. “Commissioner Gordon.”

“Sorry to call you out of the blue Batman, but I’ve got a kid here who needs your help.”

“Who?”

“Says his name is Danny, that you’ve never met him but you’re the only one who can help him.”

“Why?”

“Refuses to tell me.”

“What’s your best guess, Commissioner?”

Jim looked at Danny’s shadow, it looked like he was straining his ears to try and hear what he was saying. Danny had given him almost nothing to work with. Just his name, that he’s never met Batman but needs to talk with him in person. But Jim was here because he listened to his gut. A feeling like when you see a random rock on your neighbor’s doorstep but you’d never go in without an invitation. A feeling like you know what’s in the present and are preparing your surprised face. A feeling like when you cheated on your wife and you know she knows.

“He looks like Bruce Wayne.”

A beat of silence. “What?”

“Danny looks exactly like Bruce when he was a teenager. Exactly the same.” Jim hoped Batman would get it, feel in his gut what Jim felt.

“And he wont say why he’s there?”

“No, and he demands to see you in person.”

“I’ll be there in an hour.”

“10-4.” The line cut off before Jim had finished saying it. He called Danny in again. “He’s on his way.”

Danny glared at him. “If he’s not, if you called some social worker or something, you’ll regret it.”

“I’m sure.” Jim sighed and downed the rest of his now cold coffee.

The sun hadn’t set, but only just barely. Jim ended up taking Danny up to the roof in the end after all, if only to save his window from being broken into. The kid had a red hoodie on, but he was still shivering in the autumn chill and it was just going to get colder by the minute as the sun made its way behind the horizon.

Jim checked his watch and, at exactly an hour from when he called, he acted surprised when Batman and Robin appeared out of nowhere. “Bats.”

“Commissioner.” Batman greeted but his eyes went straight for Danny. “Danny, I assume.”

“Yeah, I…” Danny hesitated, looking at Jim and Robin.

All it took was four words from Batman. “What do you need?”

The kid held out his hand with a flash drive in it. “I’m your clone. My par- The people who made me wanted to make a stronger version of you, but they got ahead of themselves. My DNA is degrading and I’ll die if I don’t get your DNA to stabilize me.”

Holy cow.

“You don’t expect us to believe that, do you?” Robin sneered at him.

“The flash drive has all the info on it. All the data about the cloning process and the, uh, relevant experiments after that.” Batman gave the kid a look. “I didn’t want to waste time on unnecessary data.”

“If what you’re saying is true, why are you here, alone? Are they working on a different solution?”

Danny’s shoulders hiked up. “I’ve been a failure for a while now, I’m not worth the resources and they’d learn more from an autopsy.”

Oof, kid. Jim looked at Batman who seemed to feel the same… if Jim was reading him right.

“So, you wont object to a DNA test?” Robin asked with a cocky head tilt, at least he was relatively easy to read.

“You can try.” Danny said, and then realized what that sounded like. “I mean I wont stop you, but my DNA degrades faster outside my body. You’ll have to take me to whatever lab you plan on using.”

“Then we will.” Batman said and jerked his head towards where they’d probably parked that ridiculous car of his. But then he looked at Jim with a nod. “Commissioner.”

“Batman.” Jim returned the nod. “You’ll tell me how things turn out, yeah?”

“I’ll give you a report.” Batman joked – Jim could tell, it was gut feeling.

[scentedpeachlandcreator]

how i manifested my dream life with extremely hard circumstances + how you can too ♡

Note: this is not my post and it's blushydior's post that everyone been searching for, so i thought why not making it as a post,and blushy if you see this, please don't kill me i know you said that you'll change your post but you disappeared After that.

♡ table of contents:

1. the importance of making this post

2.my take on manifestation + the 3D

3. HOW I DID IT - my journey in 4 phases i went through that include my mindset changes up to the moment i got my desires 

4. your new rules & routine from this moment on

5. a note from me!

6. frequently asked questions: separated into topics regarding the 3D, self concept + miscellaneous questions to have you leaving this post stress free.

now let’s get into it. read every bit of this post “ ~ ୨୧ ♡ ·

I. THE IMPORTANCE OF MAKING THIS POST

i’ve been through it all. you can read my experiences from old life in the “my life before” section of my success story + here, here, here and here. this is my success story on how the law of assumption has changed my life. as you can see from the “how” section of the post, i had purposely left it short, sweet and simple to avoid people complicating the simplicity of the law of assumption. but as time went on, anons and other blogs made me realize that since people do tend to over-complicate the law, the need i felt to make an in-depth post on how i personally manifested through my hard circumstances grew strong.

my blog often highlights topics that pertain to mental health, so i want to make sure those who find themselves in the same situations as i once were feel seen, heard and loved. you are all so powerful, amazing and hold so much potential more than you know. with this post, i hope i am able to help you realize that fact to the best of my abilities.

𝐈𝐈. MY TAKE ON MANIFESTATION + THE 3D

something that you’ll see me say all the time is: “life is a blank canvas.” that’s because it truly is.

remember that you are working with the law of assumption. what you assume to be true, is true. nothing is set in stone unless you say it is. things have meaning only if you assign it one.

you are the sole creator of your life. you are the artist that controls the brush/pen, you control what goes on and off of this very malleable canvas we call life. you don’t have to do anything. therefore,

you don’t have to: affirm 24/7, be specific, word your affirmations correctly, listen to subliminals, ignore the 3D, be positive all the time, meditate, have high vibrations, script, visualize, do sats or lullaby, go into the void, affirm in the present tense, avoid the mirror, etc.

you can literally say a random word like “bonk” and if saying it means you have all your desires or money is constantly filling your bank account, then that’s what will happen!

“but what if my subconscious doesn’t know what it means?” your subconscious mind is literally you. it’s not some stranger separate from you. if you want a scene to play out a certain way on a specific date or a romantic partner with all the most perfect qualities even if you can’t name it all at the top of your head, your subconscious has your back with the details! you have your own back. don’t worry.

YOU DON’T HAVE TO IGNORE THE 3D.

read that again and again and again and again and-if your circumstances are quite literally in your face, how can you turn the other way and ignore it? you could if you wanted but you’ll only be doing more harm and we don’t want that, right?

“so then what do i do?” you KNOW it’s going to change. it’s challenging when you don’t fully believe the law to know it’s going to change, so for a start, tell yourself that this is not the end. why? because the moment you had a desire and claimed it as yours, it has already been set stone in the 4D so the 3D has no choice but to reflect it. this is your movie, you KNOW this is not the end. you are director and star of this movie! you control how it’s going to play out.

𝐈𝐈𝐈. HOW I DID IT - The 4 Phases (more so, 3)

PHASE 1:

i found out about manifestation from tiktok. from there i have tried scripting, law of attraction and had taken a liking into the craft. i tried it all until i found out about the law of assumption, sammy ingram and finally, tumblr.

PHASE 2:

upon finding out about loassumption tumblr, i had learned more and more about the law but as time went on, i had realized i had never really fully tried to apply the law. the idea just didn’t come about to apply it. as many others, i had overconsumed information, always wondering if i was doing it right, questioning the 3D,

so i took a break. upon discharge, i realized many things and decided to spend an extended amount of time alone, away from social media. i’m someone who values alone time as long as if it’s spent wisely.

during this time away from tumblr and sns platforms in general, constantly surrounded by other people’s takes, information, and opinions, i had learned so much about the law of assumption on my own! i went into the law of assumption with a fresh mind, actually applying the knowledge and overtime of affirming and persisting, i ACTUALLY understood the meaning behind “creation is finished. it is done.”

i’m advising you to step away from social media (that on it’s own has negative impacts) and be alone with your thoughts. i know your thoughts haven’t had it’s time to be alone because you’re most likely constantly seeking information to help you. and i don’t blame you. it’s just that, you are always bombarded by thoughts that aren’t your own, you barely give some time to yourself to think for yourself!

and if you can’t help but be on tumblr for other reasons than loassumption, unfollow blogs for the time being, scroll past informational posts to avoid second guessing your application. tell yourself that

YOU ARE DOING EVERYTHING RIGHT!

PHASE 3:

when it was time to apply the law, i simplified it. you choose what you desire, you affirm from your desire and persist. okay! got it. so that’s what i did. i affirmed whenever i thought about my desire, i kept saying that it is done! so in phase 2, i mentioned how i realized how creation was ACTUALLY done, right? before deciding to apply the law, i kept seeing posts saying that but i didn’t really fully understand it until the realization hit me during my time away from social media. (see? i love alone time. solitude is my bff) — here’s my breakdown for you:

once you decide a desire is yours to claim, THE SECOND you affirm that, in your head, imagination, your 4D, it is ALREADY yours. therefore, it has no choice to become physical reality. (this is why your subconscious only needs to hear things once in order for it to conform!)

it will always be yours for as long as you sustain that assumption (persist), it is yours! no matter what.

this is the meaning of “it is done.” it’s like telling a chef what dish you want, once they know what you want, they’ve got you covered. except that this chef is you. you know the details of your desire, you declare it’s going to conform instantly so why are you worrying? there is no need to worry.

informational post on the 4D + 3D here:

❝ If you judge after appearances, you will continue to be enslaved by the evidence of your senses. To break this hypnotic spell of the senses you are told, "Go within and shut the door,” The door of the senses must be tightly shut before your new claim can be honored .Instead of fighting against the evidence of the senses you claim yourself to be that which you desire to be. As your attention is placed on this claim, the doors of the senses automatically close against your former master (that which you were conscious of being). As you become lost in the feeling of being (that which you are now claiming to be true of yourself) the doors of the senses once more open, revealing your world to be the perfect expression of that which you are conscious of being. ❞

i kept time away from social media and being persistent really helped me be aware of my thoughts.

persistence has helped me:

be aware of thoughts that i wouldn’t have been able to catch before. for example, i was declaring that i have all of my desires and creation was done, but i found myself affirming “okay but where is it?” — this made me realize i was questioning my desires in my 3D even though i knew it was done in the 4D. (you don’t have to do this, you can imply your 3D conforms fast with whatever affs)

flip and interrupt my intrusive thoughts faster and faster the more i persisted. i hated my intrusive thoughts so much. like it was so annoying and hurtful. it was filled with replaying past scenarios that happened to me, things i wished had played out differently, just people who absolutely did not deserve the right to be occupying my mind and space! so i was grateful to learn that with persistence, i started to have less and less of those.

(see!! mental diet, persistence!! <3 this is how habits form and strengthen duhh. remember not to abandon common sense for the law)

AND THEN, PHASE 4:

i had entered sabbath, the state of the wish fulfilled, calm and relaxation that my desire has already manifested and there wasn’t nothing left for me to do other than persist. after so much persisting and saturating my mind with my affirmations, i reached being peace with my desires. i’m really glad i persisted. see how after persistence of assumptions, though false, will harden into fact? see how even your affirmations would feel “fake” at first but will soon feel natural to you? this means that i wasn’t questioning where it was, how long it was taking, etc. but this doesn’t mean i was ignoring my 3D. i saw it all but i knew it was going to change BECAUSE i felt peace in my inevitable desires.

then, i received my desires.

❝ I couldn’t possibly be worried about anything if I really believe that imagining creates reality. ❞

❝ When I speak of feeling I do not mean emotion, but acceptance of the fact that the desire is fulfilled. Feeling grateful, fulfilled, or thankful, it is easy to say, “Thank You,” “Isn’t it wonderful!” or “It is finished.” When you get into the state of thankfulness, you can either awaken knowing it is done, or fall asleep in the feeling of the wish fulfilled. ❞

𝐈𝐕. YOUR NEW RULES & ROUTINE

☆┆YOUR 3 NEW RULES ARE:

1, you have all your desires:

i have all of my desires.

creation is finished. it is done.

2. you manifest quickly and easily:

manifesting is always so easy and instant for me.

i always manifest within 2 days or less, the 3D conforms instantly.

the 3D instantly reflect my 4D.

the physical reality instantly reflects my 4D/imaginative reality.

3. you are okay because nothing can stop you from getting the inevitable:

everything is going to be okay because creation is done.

i am always aware of my thoughts. nothing can stop/get in the way of my desires.

no amount of intrusive thoughts, events and opinions of others have the power to stop my manifestations.

✉️: choose one affirmation from each list or make one of your own that makes you feel comfortable.

☆┆ROUTINE:

affirm on loop as an act of saturating your mind whenever you think of your desire until you feel satisfied,

in the morning, after you wake up: saturate your mind with affs.

read the manifesting vaunt below everyday (whenever you feel like it) — read it over and over again until you feel confident then go about your day!!

at night, before you sleep, affirm this:

“i kept all my thoughts in check today. i didn’t waver once. my mind is completely saturated with the new story.”

optional tip: if you want to saturate your mind even more as a start, you can set reminders with sticky notes around your space, have affs on your phone lock screen or wear a bracelet.

✉️ NOTE: soon enough, your mind will be saturated and you won’t need to do this anymore. this is just a start for those who battle intrusive thoughts!

let yourself feel any emotions that may come up because of your hard circumstances then once it’s out of your system, affirm your rules, especially rule #3!

do not consume any loassumption information if you know it will only cause you to second guess your ability. if you have the urge to ask a blog a question, try to make sense of what they will say and answer it yourself.

in times of doubt, remember that life is a blank canvas. your desire is set in stone, so your only task is to persist.

REASSURANCE VAUNT

creation is ACTUALLY finished. it is done. the second i claimed my desires as mine, it has already manifested itself in the 4D so it has no choice to present itself in the 3D! all i have to do is affirm and persist. i always have unwavering faith in my manifesting abilities and the law. i never fail. i am successful at every single thing i do. manifesting is so effortless. no amount of doubt, worry, fear, anxiety, intrusive thoughts or events can ever, and i mean EVER stop my manifestations. why? because i said so. this is MY life. i make the rules. so if i say i manifest easily, the 3D conforms instantly and that i have all of my desires, then it is a FACT. i’m literally unstoppable. everything i want is inevitable. my only task is to persist, sit back and relax as the 3D reflects my 4D. it all happens so fast, but what else do you expect from a master manifester like me?

SOMETHING TO NOTE:

most of the time, people think affirming on loop is saying it like a robot but what you don’t realize is that you’re affirming as if you’re reading a book. it’s not filled with enthusiasm but it’s not exactly monotone either. stop overthinking it. it’s like the voice you’re reading this post with. correct?

again, soon enough, your affirmations will feel natural and you won’t feel the need to affirm constantly. the routine above was given for those who battle intrusive thoughts, making your affirmations dominate to the point where you don’t waver.

QUOTES on STATES:

❝ I paid thirty dollars for my first suit. Today a suit will cost me $200.00, but regardless of the cost, when the suit is new I am aware of it. But let me wear it long enough for it to feel natural and I will no longer be conscious of it. The same is true for a state. You may desire the state of fame. If you will think you are famous and remain conscious of the state long enough to make it natural, as the thoughts flow from you they become a natural part of your body of beliefs, and the world will proclaim your fame. ❞

❝ I urge you to use your own wonderful creative power and deliberately move into the state of your choice. Make it now by occupying the state long enough so that it feels natural. Haven’t you had a suit of clothes that felt so new you were conscious of them every moment? I know when I bought my first suit I walked down Fifth Avenue thinking everyone I passed knew my suit was new. People passing paid no attention to me, but I was so aware, so conscious of my new suit. That’s exactly that happens when you move into a new state. If the state of affluence is new, you think everyone knows it, but no one knows or cares whether you are rich or poor, so walk in the state until it becomes natural. The moment the feeling is natural, wealth is yours! ❞

𝐕. ENDING NOTE

i love you. read that again. you can do it. read that again. i am so so so so proud of you. read that again! you are so strong, you have SOO much potential and power. it’s time for you to tap into it, angel. stop making excuses. stop telling yourself you can’t do it. stop the nonsense! you’ve dealt with your hard circumstances long enough, it’s time for you to turn to the person who can make that change (you) and make it happen. i’m really sorry you have to go through what you did. you certainly do not deserve the unkind treatment. give yourself a hug and tell yourself that this. is. it. you’re going to make the change. you know it and i do too. it’s possible. nothing is impossible for the person who believes! keep the faith in yourself. nothing can stop you.

it’s like those movies where the mc finds out they hold so much power. they doubt it because of the life they’ve had so far but once they give it a shot, they become the most powerful hero ever. you are that hero!!!

i love you and i am, again, giving you the biggestttt hug ever.

now, with that being said, @blushydior​ will no longer be taking asks regarding this topic. i’ve cleared most of the questions that could ever arise. you don’t need my guidance anymore after this post! im seeing you off now. i love you. stay safe. know that you’re loved and hold the power to change your life.

— kisses from bambi ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و ♡

ps. make sure you clicked the words that have links! <3 (the links are missing)

𝐕𝐈. FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

Something you wish you could’ve told yourself before you manifested it all to make things easier for anyone struggling:

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.

you guys are beating yourself up for something so simple. take a step back and realize that. you’re already dealing with such hard circumstances, so why are you literally degrading yourself for something so within your power and reach? tell yourself everything is going to be okay. you’re always doing your best. you deserve the WORLD.

I could write a whole novel, combine all the posts on tumblr teaching the law of assumption, and every helpful ask out there but at the end of the day, YOU are the only person who could change your life. YOU make the call. turn every doubtful question to a positive one, when in doubt, turn inwards toward the 4D and know that it is real. it is done the second you affirmed it so.

SPEND TIME ALONE.

i can NOT stress this enough. i didn’t include the details of my time alone in phase 2 for nothing. you’ll see that you can answer your own questions. you’ll catch the thoughts you missed because you have always been so adamant on getting answers to questions you already knew. take a deep breathe and stay firm.

SEE WHAT’LL HAPPEN IF YOU DON’T GIVE UP.

What did you affirm to get your dream life?

basically my affirmations i gave above and these. all i used were blanket affirmations.

What does persisting mean to you? What does persisting really feel like? Is it just like a mental diet? or what?

“persisting is sticking to what you want / the end no matter what you’re shown, told, and what you experience + picking yourself up after letting any negative emotions & thoughts pass by.” — blushydior from this ask here (sadly the link is missing:()

+ keeping your thoughts in line of the same category. to word this in a different way, i can affirm so many affirmations just as long as they mean the same thing to me!

“it also is a mental diet. we’re always persisting in something. it’s just a matter of what you’re persisting in. you either persist in your desire or negative/non-beneficial thought 24/7.”

“in your post about how you changed your life, you said you just affirmed and persisted. but from your other posts it seems like you read neville goddard books. so did you just affirm or did you do imaginal acts too? i get confused when people say “just affirm and persist” cause neville never said that.” (original ask here) (note from Eli: the link is missing).

“yes, i read his books and sometimes i would do imaginal acts but i would only do that bc it helped me get by my circumstances, yk? like if i was overwhelmed i would just daydream lol. its like how i read books to escape to another world. but i would say, affirming and persisting was what i focused more on.

i just used what worked for me and used his quotes as a reminder of the power of man. i didn’t want to bound myself to one’s teaching constantly worrying if im doing it “right” or not so instead, i went back to his quotes that consisted of telling me to persist, look inwards, finding confirmation in my imagination, etc whenever i needed a pick me up.

but correct me if i’m wrong, i’m pretty sure many of the success stories he shared consisted of people simply decreeing their desires and feeling the wish fulfilled simply by repetition and acceptance of their assumption.”

What is saturating your mind?

read about it here (the link is missing, but Basically it is repeating an affirmation every minute or hour until you feel fulfilled)

Do we have to believe our affirmations? Did you ever doubt the law in the process?

no, i did not believe my affirmations and YES of course i doubted the law but i kept persisting either way because what could i lose? and here i am.

Did you just affirm, persist, maintain a mental diet and that’s it? No SATS, going to the void, lullaby, repeating affirmations? Did you just got it sleep?

just affirming and persisting. sure, the occasional lullaby, i usually affirmed for 10 seconds max before i gave up. i couldn’t sleep without imagining some romantic scenario LOL #bambiexposed

How to deal with manipulation and narcissism?

remind yourself that you’re in advantage because you know about the law of assumption. life is a dream, you can literally have whatever you want just by affirming. if you know that, why allow yourself succumb to other people’s thoughts and beliefs? i couldn’t allow other people’s thoughts ruin my chance of living my dream life. the thought of it alone gave me the worst feeling.

How did you tackle the feelings of having no hope? + After being in the victim state for so long what did you do to get yourself out and actually stay out?

i persisted on loop whenever i doubted the law. i reminded myself that it doesn’t hurt to just be quiet, affirm and persist to live my dream life. just do it. you gain nothing from turning back to your old habits. see what’ll happen if you don’t give up. ❝ Do you always turn to your imagination and, no matter what happens, do you remain faithful to the state imagined? If you do, you have passed the test. But if every little rumor, doubt, or fear can move you around like a pawn on a chessboard, then you are not keeping the faith! ❞ ❝ Objects seem so independent of our perception of them that we incline to forget that they owe their origin to imagination.❞

What was the timeframe of when you got your desires?

about a week after deciding to be strict with self discipline, mind you, i was dealing with hard circumstances and intrusive thoughts for years. within this time span, i had entered sabbath so i immediately got my desires.

How did you kept a positive mindset when it looked like there was no movement?

refer back to phase 3

What was your affirming routine?

AT FIRST, when i started to get sick of overconsumption and not getting my desires, i knew my mind wasn’t saturated/my desires were not my dominant thoughts. so, i decided to be strict with myself. i reminded myself with pieces of paper in my room that said: ❝ PERSIST. new story only!❞ ❝ AFFIRM!❞

❝ 1.) the 3D conforms instantly.

2.) AFFIRM THE DESIRED

3.) BE LOT.❞

and taped them on the wall infront of my bed & one on my door so i can see it before i head out.

i didn’t need them anymore after a few days. (phase 3 & 4)

What did you do on all the days you woke up and things were still the same?

stop affirming that you don’t see results. i flipped the thought of “nothing’s changed.” to “i am in my desired reality, it is done.” and so on. be stern and remind yourself that you are in control. don’t fall prey to the 3D. turn inwards, find confirmation in the 4D. read quotes above.

How did you not react to the 3D?

i allowed myself to be angry. if i wanted to cry, i did. if i wanted to vent, i did. i ranted my feelings out in my head, aloud or in a journal then proceeded to go back to the new story after i cooled down.

But isn’t ranting “not letting the old story die out?”

you and i could rant until our minds are cleared, just as long as you flip my thoughts, you are on the right track. i ranted for 2% of my 24 hour days. the other 98% i was persisting in the fact that creation was done. as “time” went on, it began to feel more natural and i felt more at ease. i held onto that feeling because i knew this was when i would get my desires and i did. letting out and actually feeling your feelings is important. you’re not a robot.

Did you script how your life would be?

no.

(.𖥔 ݁ note from Eli: here's her post about her life before and After she changed it with LOA, anyway i wanted to make it in a post since the Google document can't let you make a copie of it and plus you can't take screenshots which René didn't allow)

[sttoru]

outlaw!toji who initially kidnapped you for money, to rob you from your valuable belongings, eventually forms a strange attachment to you. he can’t help but feel a faint twinge of guilt for robbing a pretty and delicate little thing like you.

so, he decides to let you return to your beloved family in town. though he does not let you go completely.

every now and then when toji is passing by the town you reside in - avoiding sheriffs and other people whom could possibly recognise him from the wanted posters plastered on every wall - he looks for you.

of course, you freak out the first time he sneaked up on you. however slowly yet surely, you let your guard down. the outlaw didn’t harm you in any way after all.

“how ‘re ya doin’, princess?” toji would always greet you with that signature, cocky smirk of his, leaning against a nearby wall with his arms crossed over his chiseled chest or his hands on his worn gun belt.

sometimes you reply quickly, but on other occasions you indulge him and continue the conversation. it’s often at night that he visits you, so you have less of a chance to get caught together.

you don’t know when or how toji found out where your family’s house is. he simply started showing up at your balcony once in a while, just to catch up. after a couple times, you even let him in.

those nightly visits swiftly turned into something more intimate. it feels so wrong yet so right. a dangerous criminal who’s killed hundreds, who had even kidnapped you one day, being invited into your bed— how scandalous.

though you can’t help it. his callused yet warm hands that touch your skin, his burly body that presses you into the mattress just right, his slightly chapped lips that nip at your flesh and leave marks. . . you don’t regret a thing.

especially when you’re both catching your breath after an intense encounter. toji’s muscular body, filled with countless of scars, blankets yours easily. his arms cradle you to his bare chest afterwards and all you can do is relax against him.

“i think i really hit the jackpot with ya, aye? may not have robbed ya of yer stuff that day, but i got ma prize money one way or ‘nother,” the rugged outlaw grins as he lights up a cigar and holds it between his lips.

you can’t even tell him off for smoking in your room. toji’s fingers massage your scalp so good to the point you’re putty in his hands. the scent of tobacco is also comforting. it’s one you associate with him, because he always smells like it. it’s always a combination of tobacco, nature, horses and gunpowder.

toji knows that he has to leave before anyone comes checking in on you, but he can’t leave you when you look so adorable, clinging onto him like a lifeline.

every time he visits, it’s the same exciting story.

when toji is in a more sentimental mood, he takes you out on a ride. he settles you on the back of his horse, speeding off into the sunset, letting you enjoy the view outside of town.

the beautiful freedom that comes with the life of an outlaw. the freedom of seeing nature in all its glory. you get to experience it all.

at times, when you’re out and about, he takes his chance and teaches you how to handle a gun. toji knows you’ve been spoiled rotten by your parents growing up, so you probably haven’t touched a gun a day in your life. that’s where he comes in.

“oi, watch out. yer gonna blow my fuckin’ face off, girl,” toji grunts with a faint chuckle as he notices your clumsy hand gestures while holding his revolver. it’s endearing, truly. he doesn’t yet understand why it warms his heart to see you try and shoot at the targets he set up.

what the outlaw loves more than that, is when you’re both resting against a large oak tree, with his head on your lap. especially after he gets back from a long and successful heist in a far away town.

toji often lets his cowboy hat cover his face while he naps and uses your thighs as the perfect, plush pillow. the gentle breeze only adds to the perfect moment.

when you take his stetson and put it on your head instead in a innocent gesture, he lazily opens one eye and raises a brow in amusement.

“oh? that yer way of telling me y’ want a ride?” toji teases before pinching your cheek. he loves seeing that flustered expression on your face when you’re once again reminded of the cowboy hat rule he taught you the other day.

toji never misses the opportunity, however. he sits up and leans back against the tree trunk, patting his thick thighs which he spreads lightly.

“hop on f’ me then, pretty. show me how good of a cowgirl y’ are, yeah?”

well, briefly said, it’s never a dull moment with outlaw!toji.

[cannibology]

i think about this a lot. because the thing is, i don’t think either of them are truly to blame for the seals they broke. dean was tortured into submission and had no idea that there could be such massive consequences to giving in; sam was manipulated and deceived and honestly thought what he was doing would stop the apocalypse, not set it in stone. neither of them willingly chose to break a seal, and neither of them had any way of knowing what they were really doing. they were key pawns in a game they didn’t even realize was being played, not active participants in it. and i don’t think you can really blame someone for falling victim to that.

but if you are going to blame sam for his part in it, you also have to blame dean for his. either both of them are responsible for accidentally breaking the most important seals, or neither of them are.

didn't...didn't dean break the first seal? why is everyone on sam's case for being manipulated into killing lilith (which he thought was a good thing bc hey demon dead) but not on dean's case for torturing souls and LIKING it? protect sam winchester oml

[chuluoyi]

𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐂𝐓𝐋𝐘 (𝐔𝐍)𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐅𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋

- sylus x reader

master and servant. man and his right hand woman. you and sylus are labeled many things, but does love exist in many labels of your relationship?

genre/warnings: 18+ suggestive content—minors do not interact!—angst, fluff, unrequited love, explicit smut, fwb, jealousy, hurt/comfort, description of major injury, blood loss, gore, assassin!reader (not l&ds mc), spoilers! takes place throughout long-awaited revelry

note: my very first love and deepspace fic! :') w.c 5.2k ! i have a severe brainrot omg

Everyone knows of your relationship with Sylus.

The leader of Onychinus and his notorious lady assassin, you two strike fear into his foes and allies alike. You are as deadly as you are beautiful, and that's more or less why he keeps you around.

What everyone doesn't know, however... is that behind closed doors, you too share his wealth and his bed.

“I don't mind to spend the whole night with you,” he’d whisper in your ear seductively at nights, deft and veiny hands roaming your body all over. He often made you ride on top of him, dark burgundy eyes hazed with lust, knowing full well that you desired the very same goal he did.

And you’d respond his hunger with the same fervor, crashing your lips into his, your tongues intertwining, your hips moving vigorously against him.

“Ahh... ah!” Before you knew it, his cock—thick and long in size—slid inside you in such a snug fit, making you throw your head back and dig your sharp nails into his skin.

“Keep me going with your voice, kitten.” Sylus growled, eyeing your wobbling lips and tightly-pressed eyes as he sank even deeper inside you. “Yeah, just like that...”

Sylus always began roughly, seemingly not minding your breathless moans and wishes, and you liked him that way too—

“Is this... all you've got?” you panted in a hoarse voice, sweat lining your neck and forehead, the coil in your belly tightened so deliciously each time he thrusted into you. “Surely... y-you can do better...”

“Ha,” he gave a low snort, his red eyes blazing as he grabbed your bum and squeezed it, making you gasp. “Careful what you wish for... sweetie.”

And then your vision literally tilted upside down—Sylus gladly flipped your position so he could see you even better. This way, he also had even better access to you, intertwining your hand with his, spreading your legs wide so he could rut into you.

“—!” Breath was knocked out of your lungs as immeasurable pleasure washed over you, crashing and receding in an instant. You almost screamed as your back arched.

He broke into a satisfied smirk. “Let it out,” he murmured against your neck, biting gently into your skin, voice muffled. “You never hold back with me, do you, hmm? So, don’t start now.”

“You b-bastard...” you looked up at him with a breathless smile, knowing how close you were to losing your wits.

He simply made your nights worth remember. His allure was undeniable, with a voice that was naturally sultry. And his hands... fuck, they did heaven's work.

It didn't take you long to finally reach your climax, and once you did, your moans were the nastiest all night as you continuously lined his back with scratches.

You could feel how he was chasing his own orgasm all the while, before pulling out right at the last minute and made a mess on your belly, falling beside you.

“Tired?” Sylus’ chest rumbled with laughter as you laid sprawled there in a haze. His eyes narrowed at the sight of your burning cheeks. “I really like this look on your face right now.”

You rolled your eyes, catching your breath and shivered. “I bet you tell that to all other women you manage to lure to your bed.”

“How presumptuous.” He sent you a sour scowl. “I have a high standard— you should consider yourself lucky.”

Well, you do. Holding back a smile, you changed the topic. “I’m cold. Clean me up already.”

“Now, now… what a spoiled little thing you are…” Sylus chuckled, his voice deep and low, yet wrapping his arms around you nonetheless, hoisting you up.

Nights of passion. Mutually beneficial relationship. Nothing more and less.

No strings attached.

This is thrilling. Intimacy without commitment is more than enough to spice your checkered life. After all, what could be better and more rewarding than fucking the hottest man in N109 Zone and getting away with it?

At least, you thought so.

. . .

“Damn, you’re going to make me sore…” you grumbled, letting out a deep sigh as you sank into the sheets after he had cleaned you up, still basking in the afterglow and ready to drift off to sleep. “Ahh...”

Sylus’ lips curved into a wry smile as he watched you make yourself comfortable on his bed, slipping on his black shirt. “Well, I’m just that good, and you did ask for it.”

“Are you going out?” you asked in a small voice, teetering between sleep and wakefulness as you noticed him taking out his favorite gun. “It’s midnight.”

“Luke and Kieran said she has arrived.” Sylus said in low voice, not even sparing you a look. “After all, she has gone through all that trouble to come here, it is only right that I greet her myself.”

The woman. Sylus had told you several times, how a woman with Aether Core and powerful Resonance Evol would eventually come to N109 Zone. And that when the time came, he would make her resonate with him.

A part of you didn’t really know what to feel about this vague plan of his. “Will you bring her here too?”

“I’ll have her stay here until we have reached resonance,” he responded casually while shrugging on his coat.

Sylus valued others depending on their worth. He said it so himself—he isn't a philanthropist. He saw potential in your evol—the Speech Manipulation—which is why he rescued you three years ago, even after you had swung a blade to his throat.

This time must be the same. You played with the edges of your hair. “Well, consider me jealous then. Seems like I’ll have a rival soon.”

Your quip finally caught his attention, as he finally turned to you, one side of his mouth upturned.

“Ha.” Sylus strolled over to where you lay on the bed and placed a hand under your chin, letting out a throaty chuckle. “Is there even anyone brave enough to go against you?”

You shrugged, trying to look nonchalant. “We shall see about that.”

Little did you know, the coming of this new girl would be the start of the undoing of your mutually beneficial relationship.

You would've expected the woman bearing Aether Core inside her to be way more interesting than that clueless, weak and easily spooked hunter from Linkon City.

But your and Sylus' definitions of interesting clearly differed though, as you caught him smiling after he pulled the most outrageous stunt on himself— having her shoot him right in the heart.

“She is funny,” he said to himself, almost snickering even as you wiped the blood off his toned body. “She was shaking so much the moment I pulled the trigger.”

“Is that your only finding—” you snapped as you wrapped the bandage around his bare chest, fuming. “—after shooting yourself just to mess with her?”

Luke and Kieran told you how he had used his Evol to pull the hunter girl onto his lap, then handed her a gun and made her shoot him. You couldn't believe it at first, until the sight of Sylus staggering to his bedroom, his shirt bloodied and clutching his chest made you almost scream in horror.

“Is that really necessary?” you scowled, tightening the bandage with more force than needed. “Or are you just trying to get her attention?”

Sylus’ sharp gaze settled on you then, seemingly not taking your comment well.

“What’s got you so worked up about this, hmm?” he asked, a smirk playing at the corners of his lips as he observed your cross expression. “Last I checked, we agreed not to get involved in each other’s personal affairs.”

Personal affairs, he said? Everything you two had done had long past breached all personal boundaries.

But the fact remains that you two are nothing more than—

“Fine.” You tied the bandage abruptly and about to storm off, making no effort to conceal your ire. You couldn’t say you were worried or that you hated seeing blood smeared across him. That was never in the agreement.

Until you felt a hard tug on your arm—

“And where does the angry kitty think she is going, hmm?”

Before you could discern it, your back was pressed against the wall—your left arm pinned beside your head, with Sylus filling your view.

His sculpted abs were right in front of you for the taking, his scent permeated the air, and his unsettling swirls of crimson eyes had you completely captivated.

“Have I ever told you that you look beautiful when you’re angry?” Sylus laughed as he leaned in, gripping your chin with his other hand. “If I didn’t know you were more than capable of slitting my throat in my sleep, I’d want you to look at me like this every day.”

It struck you how your heart raced wildly under his intense gaze. With his perfect face so close, the only sound that seemed to be most prominent was the pounding of your own heartbeat.

“What’s wrong? We’ve been closer than this,” Sylus taunted with a wide grin, his breath warm against your ear as he pressed his body against yours. “What’s making you so nervous?”

If you knew anything about Sylus, it was that he took pleasure in seeing you squirm in his hold. You glared daggers at him. “I hate you.”

“How lovely.”

“You’re infuriating,” you spat, devoid of any amusement.

He barked a satisfied bout of laugh once again, before releasing your chin. However, to your surprise, that very same hand groped your chest roughly—

“Then perhaps...” he hummed, a wicked glint in his red eyes, whispering to you with sultry voice right before he pulled you into him and devour your lips in heat: “You can help to fix me, sweetie.”

His kisses were hot as his tongue and hands made his mark on your body. Pressed against his bare skin, you gripped his strong, broad shoulders as he lifted your legs to his waist.

As always, he managed to dissolve all your lingering thoughts with lust. You just never knew one day you would finally reach the last straw though.

. . .

"Are you going out again tonight?" you muttered, tracing your fingers along his abs as you lay in his arms, still a bit giddy after your passionate session.

"No, I'm sleepy," he replied quickly, his voice low as he pulled you closer and closed his eyes. "Go to sleep already, kitten."

"I can't sleep."

"Poor you. I can though."

You quirked a frown at him. "You're so annoying these days."

"Oh?" Sylus cracked his eyes open, a smirk on his lips. "If you find me so disagreeable, you can always make me obey you, no?"

Your speech manipulation could make people do your bidding and it was a pretty useful talent. Apart from the first day you met Sylus three years ago in the wasteland of N109 Zone, you had never tried using it on him again.

"I won't, you idiot." You sighed and turned away, your back facing him. The idea of bending him to your will somehow didn't sit right with you. It was against your conscience now.

"Why are you facing away? It's freezing," he grumbled almost in a petulant voice. You nearly rolled your eyes, until you felt his strong arms wrap around your middle from behind.

"Why are you hugging me? We’re not usually this touchy after sex."

"I'm telling you, I'm cold, and you're my heat pillow."

"You're so damn insufferable..."

Despite your sharp retort, a smile found its way to your face. Moments like this were rare, and when he was the one seeking you, you couldn't help these butterflies in your stomach. Still...

You two are not in love, dammit. Sometimes it confused you a great deal. What is love anyway?

“Caw, caw, caw!”

“Mephisto, shush.”

Sylus’ robotic pet crow had surprisingly taken a liking to you shortly after you began living in the base. He obeyed your commands just as he did with his owner. The same couldn’t be said for Miss Hunter though, as Mephisto seemed to have a strong dislike for her.

You were idling at the living room with the crow when you realized how close it was to dawn.

“Luke, Kieran,” you called to the twins, who were bickering over a crate of oranges, frowning. “Where did Sylus go?”

Both stopped and looked at you, and Kieran blurted out, “Boss? Oh, he went out with Miss Hunter!”

You supposed you shouldn’t be surprised, but you were nonetheless. “And he still hasn’t come back?”

“Ah, yeah... but I think they just went on a short errand. He’s probably back or already on his way?” Luke mused, and you clicked your tongue.

It irritated you, it gnawed at you—how Sylus had been spending so much time with that hunter these days. He was trying to make her resonate with him, but still, the way you saw it, he was going through his playbook—

Just as he had done when he pursued you.

Calling her “kitten”, “sweetie”... everything he did with her seemed like a replay of the first year you spent in this place.

Deep down, perhaps you had hoped that, in some way, Sylus would see you as you saw him. Love might be out of reach in your bleak existences, but you at least wished he would consider you an irreplaceable presence.

You were petty, and you knew it.

“Mephisto,” you whispered to the cooing crow as it turned to you pliantly. “Go find and bother her, okay? Don’t let her out of your sight,” you added, letting the bird fly away on your command.

Deciding to rest in his room, you left the living room with a sense of exhaustion. You had stayed up for Sylus on a whim, as he had promised to share his plans for the upcoming auction soon. However, sleeping at dawn was giving you frequent headaches, and the habit was wearing on you.

You took a bath and then headed to his bedroom, and you would have never guessed what scene you'd walk into—

Sylus, in his bathrobe, and that girl… nestled against his chest on his bed. The very same bed where you two made out just the other night.

“Y/N?” Sylus looked at you over the girl’s shoulder, and you were frozen on the spot, feeling an indescribable rush of emotions washing over you.

In the next moment, the hunter girl scrambled away from him in panic, her face flushed with shame. “I-it’s not what it looks like! I swear! Sylus— I was just trying to find his brooch and—!”

In that instant, something inside you turned ice-cold. Her frantic explanations—none of it registered to you. The fact that he let her into his bed was enough for you.

You weren’t sure if Sylus noticed, but your eyes darkened, your fists clenched, and a storm raged within your chest.

“Sorry for intruding,” you said frostily, cutting her off and casting a contemptuous glance at both of them before turning on your heel and slamming the door shut.

It was no use, you finally realized. In this twisted relationship you two shared, there could never be anything more than hot sex and flirtations.

Somehow it hurt more deeply than you expected, as though your heart were being scorched. Yet, you couldn’t even find the tears to cry—as you weren't allowed to do so.

Sylus noticed the change in you immediately.

You vanished from the base and returned in the evening, not sparing him even a look and he could tell then that you had come back a different woman.

And it was the part he hated the most. These days, he couldn't read you at all.

"Luke and Kieran, keep an eye on her tonight," he instructed his two underlings as the two of them were getting ready.

"Who? Miss Hunter?" Luke questioned.

"Or the missus?" Kieran supplied.

Both of them liked you as well. Unlike him, you’d spend your free time indulging their nonsense, and over time, they even gave you that friendly moniker.

They didn't really know the nature of your physical relationship though. Or at least, didn't really know fully.

"The latter," Sylus gruffly replied, and then he went to the hunter girl to prepare her as well.

He had a justified explanation. If you had asked him, he would tell you nothing had happened. Your ire was better than silence, definitely a hundred times better than this.

But why didn't you come to him?

And why does he want you to come and demand him for an explanation?

However, tonight was the auction for the Aether Core. He had to finish this first before he could get a word with you later.

At least that was what Sylus had thought... until he saw you at the auction venue.

You were stunning in that black cocktail dress. He didn’t know when you had your hair done, but you looked as if you had spent the entire day preparing for this occasion despite having barely two hours after coming back. You were definitely a head-turner, drawing the attention of many vermin as you navigated the ballroom with grace and everlasting smile.

And it grated at him. Severely. Sylus's eyes were locked on each lowlife hell-bent on taking his life and desperate to get into your pants, knowing he would end them all tonight.

...and as if it wasn't enough, he then saw you entertaining one of them with that sort of smile you used to reserve for him.

. . .

"Mm-hm, really?"

"Yes, I've heard they are inside the safe number 209."

You coyly smirked, looking the man with mask in front of you, whom you had led to a deserted hallway, who had been complying and smiling at each and every question of yours.

"Thank you then." You flashed him your best smile, about to go back to the main hall.

"And uh, miss," he suddenly turned to you in a flurry. "I believe I haven't gotten your name—"

You chuckled, facing him again. "Oh, you want to know my name?"

"Very much so!"

This was like bread and butter to you. You effortlessly wrapped an arm around the man's neck, standing on your tiptoes, and whispered in his ear:

"Halt."

He went rigid the moment the command left your lips, and you could feel his panic rising as you pulled away.

"W-what happened—!?" he thrashed against the invisible hold manifested by your Evol in pure panic, to no avail, whereas you regarded at him with a cold smile.

"What a shame. I planned to let you be, but then you gave me the perfect opportunity." You maintained your eerie smile as you pulled out a thin, needle-like blade from the hem of your dress. "You have been a great help. Thank you."

With that, you slit his throat, and blood splattered onto the ground in a continuous pool as he jerked, collapsing like a broken statue.

You felt nothing at the sight, but you knew you weren't alone as you felt his presence.

"You started the party without me?" Sylus' deep voice resonated through the hall. "Didn't know you have that much of bloodlust this early, sweetie."

The clench of your heart was still there, even when you had decided to discard all your lingering feelings for this man. Still, you put on the perfect poker face when you met his eyes.

"I want this to be over and done with quick. I'm exhausted already."

Sylus eyed you calmly, yet somehow it felt as if the depths of those red eyes were trying to assess your soul. "Your actions said otherwise. Is flirting with him necessary?"

"You're one to talk, Boss," you scoffed at the last word. "As long as it entertains me, why isn't it?"

Sylus didn't deign you with an answer, and you decided to pour more oil into it.

"Strictly professional, no?" You lifted your chin defiantly. "Last I checked, we were not supposed to meddle in personal affairs—"

You didn't realize it until he did, because the next thing you knew, his right eye suddenly glowed with that terrifying shade of crimson. "You—!"

He has seen it all. In the three years since he took you in, Sylus had never used his Aether Core-infused right eye on you to peek into your mind. The first and only time it had happened was when he restrained you from attacking him on the day you first met.

This was the second time. And now, he knows. Of your petty feelings, of your deepest, truest desire.

At first, Sylus remained silent, but then his eyes narrowed at you, low voice booming through the hall.

"Jealousy is unbecoming on you, Y/N."

And after all that he knew, that was the only thing he could come up with?

You felt shame wash over you. You wanted to run from him. This was too much because he most definitely didn’t reciprocate your feelings, did he?

"I don't want to hear it," you resolved, the space around you felt constricting all of a sudden. You walked past him, about to break into a sprint—

Sylus immediately caught a hold of your arm though, sending a glare at you. "You—"

"It ends here," you blurted in heat. "I don't want it anymore. We're through, Sylus."

"Listen to me!"

He snarled at you, and it was the very first time he did so. However, you paid him no mind and pulled out your ace card, staring hard into his eyes. You could feel the start of his black and red mist, but your Evol was faster—

"Move."

His hold on you loosened, and he jerked back several foot away from the impact. You kept your manipulation on him, avoiding his fury-blazed eyes, bolting away before he could catch you.

. . .

The night escalated so much worse than you had imagined. Explosions and a sudden appearance of an Arbiterwings threw the whole auction into chaos.

You were fighting off the sudden wave of wanderers alone, relying solely on your blade since your voice was too hoarse to use your Evol. When one of them struck you and sent you crashing into a wall, you just sat there in a daze.

It was exhausting. Usually, Sylus would be by your side, covering your back at the very least. He wouldn't let a single scratch get to you. His black and red mist of doom would dominate the battlefield, offering you protection while at it.

You loved that bastard. It was so beyond stupid. Why did you have to ruin everything by having these feelings? If your heart was gone, would these feelings go with it too?

You got your answer sooner than you thought.

White-hot pain engulfed you when something impaled you right in the chest. The searing agony was mind-blinding, the only thing you could discern was your own wails.

No, the feelings didn’t go. Even as you teetered on the brink of death, that damned love only evolved into many regrets.

And in your final moments, you could've sworn you felt the exact moment your heart stopped beating.

"Oh my god! Luke! She is here!"

"Kieran...! Is she alive?!"

"So much blood—! Luke, call Boss! Call Boss here!"

"Boss! We found her!"

"What do we do?! Shit! It's right... in her heart..."

"What!? Boss! S-she is...! Oh lord..."

You had a dream, and it was of your first meeting with Sylus.

Three years ago, in the wasteland of N109 Zone, you were a mere scavenger until he found you. You had thought he was a threat much like others in this lawless city, so you unwittingly showcased your Evol before him in defense, until he pinned you down on the hard ground, crimson eyes holding you in place.

"I'm giving you two options: go with me and live, or die here in vain," he had told you then, a smug smile on his face. "I assure you, so long as you're still useful to me, you won't have to worry about food or roof above your head ever again."

What kind of homeless person would refuse that tempting offer?

Since you followed him, Sylus had never been untrue to his word. He made good of his words, idly engaged you in his circle, showered you with gifts, and at one point—

"You're... trying to tempt me, aren't you?" he growled amidst kisses, pinning you on his desk. Apparently, seeing you up close and personal every day in his home had worn down his patience. He was just a man, after all.

You wickedly giggled, even breathless, cradling both sides of his face and admiring those ruby eyes of his. "What if... I am?"

"Then consider me tempted, little kitten," he chuckled, his baritone voice casting a spell over you. "Remember though, curiosity can kill most cats."

Thus began your thrilling relationship, and you knew you would gladly stay with him just to have a taste of that heaven. And you knew too, he wouldn't cast you easily this way.

And of course, so long as you are useful to him, that is.

When you came to, you felt warm, and your position was so comfortable that you were almost lulled back to sleep.

At first, it didn't register to you where you were. The scene before you was so familiar, but you were so lethargic that you were late to recognize it.

"Awake?"

Sylus' bedroom. The realization dawned on you as that deep, low voice questioned you flatly. You jerked instinctively, looking up at him as he came into view, holding a glass of wine.

He was still the same. Even with you out of commission, he would still indulge himself with his wine. Somehow you couldn't really pinpoint what you should feel about it.

However, Sylus then did the thing you didn't expect him to. He went back to his pantry to get a glass of water, and then he came to your side to prop you up.

"Drink," he commanded, positioning the glass on your chapped lips. You complied and did so, feeling relief for your throat. Once you were finished, he gently laid you back on the bed and tucked you in, never once taking his eyes off you.

"How are you feeling?"

"Have been better," you quipped dryly. Then it dawned on you that he had never been this gentle with you before. He was showing care, which confirmed one theory you had about him: Sylus could be considerate when he chose to be.

The very fact that you ended back here didn't really faze you much, because in the end, you belonged to him out of all people. Just one thing that still didn't make sense in your mind: "What did you do?"

His burgundy eyes squared at you. "What?"

"There’s no way I could've survived that," you mumbled, trying to gauge his reaction. "You must’ve done something."

“Ha, when it comes to these things, you’re sharp,” Sylus said with a light scoff, and you frowned.

"Answer me."

"Aether Core," he supplied. "It was now in you, repairing your coronary system."

"You..." you were rendered speechless. "You—what? You infused my heart with a Protocore...?"

Just like the one in his eye, he had implanted you with that dangerous fragment that was from something as horrific as a Wanderer. The very thought made your breath hitch.

"Stay calm," he commanded, his hand found yours when he noticed your horrified expression, squeezing it as if to provide some sort of reassurance. "You'll be fine."

"H-how... why..."

"That was your only chance, or you would’ve been dead." Sylus' tone was harsher now, his jaw set firmly. "I keep telling you not to rush in carelessly, and yet you did. Did you even know how bad your state was when I found you? No, you didn't."

The way he spoke made you feel as though you were being blamed, and overwhelmed with your frustration, you retorted sharply, "No one asked you to save me."

Awkward silence lingered for a good one minute after your jab. You turned away from him, feeling conflicted, because you knew you should be grateful that he did so, because it meant the Aether Core inside you now was the one he had been looking for in that auction.

He gave it up to save you.

Still, it confused you.

“If I died...” you began, bitterness creeping into your voice. “Then it just means I’m no longer useful to you. You always discard things that no longer serve your purpose.”

You turned back to him, meeting his impassive gaze. “So why? Did you pity me after discovering my feelings? Is that why?”

There are many labels in your relationship. Master and servant. Onychinus leader and his right-hand woman. But you were also his lover, even unsaid. Was that fact that did it? Or a mere charity for the weak, you?

Suddenly, Sylus placed his palm over your chest, right where your heartbeat pulsed. You stiffened, bracing for some sort of impact.

But no, it wasn’t anything sensual like he usually did. His hand—large and warm—was a comforting presence, resting on your chest and feeling the steady rhythm of your heartbeat.

"Haven't I told you that I never act out of pity?" Sylus' voice was strained but softer than usual, his deep burgundy eyes holding yours. "Do you really need me to spell it out?"

You didn't dare to look away, for the moment of truth was right in front of you.

"My only regret is not being able to pull you back," he said quietly, his tone somber. "I shouldn't have let you get hurt."

Oh. You blinked, taking in his sincere words, something inside you softening and warming at his words.

You had noticed it too. Despite his roguish exterior, he had always looked after you during your time together. It was just that you hadn’t dared to hope for more.

“The naughty little kitten has managed to worm her way into me, it seems,” he chuckled then, flashing you that cocky smile. “So now, she has to be held responsible for her actions.”

His red gaze narrowed as he added. “Moreover, since I have saved your life— you owe it to me not to throw it away so easily. So you can’t rush into danger carelessly again, you hear?”

Those playful remarks were enough to dispel your doubts and insecurities. They answered everything you had been questioning, and knowing it, finally you let out a relieved sigh and exasperated snort. “You shameless bastard...”

And when he leaned in to place a fleeting, innocent kiss on your forehead, you realized that, in his own way, he saw you just as you saw him, even if only a little.

Sylus settled into the bed beside you, wrapping his arms around you and letting your head rest on his arm. Tonight, there were no passionate kisses, no steamy foreplay, or dirty talks— just you being alive and well in his embrace.

“How long have I been out?”

“Three weeks, woman. Luke and Kieran keep mourning you everyday.”

“Three weeks?! How did you manage without me for that long?”

Sylus glanced at you, a contented smile on his face as he held you close. “It’s been horrid.”

Neither of you would be caught dead saying “I love you”, and yet, regardless, you knew that right this moment meant so much more.