#I feel like there could be some good dialogue between them getting over the grief of Aradia

[lavender-teardroplettes]

Is anyone ready to talk about how I think Sollux and Equius make a great redrom ship, or am I still crack-shipping?

[h-worksrambles]

Ok, so Episode Aigis dropped, they changed some dialogue and now people are pissed and saying P3 Reload ruined The Answer.

If you want my TLDR, Atlus’ changes (both writing and mechanical) for the DLC are overall small, some good some bad, but they’re ultimately band aids that fail to address the much wider flaws of The Answer as a story.

I think there’s a genuine intent to try and better get across the character’s motivations. And for some characters it works well. I think the new dialogue for Mitsuru is a genuine improvement. I’ve seen some criticise it for focusing more on Mituru’s thoughts towards the protagonist then her (rather queer coded) loyalty to Yukari. But as much as I love my SEES lesbians, I genuinely think giving Mitsuru multiple reasons to side with Yukari rather than just blind loyalty, is much more in character for her than FES’ approach (where she comes across uncharacteristically stupid). But I think by only changing minutia like this it just ends up highlighting the bigger problem.

A lot of people hyper focus on Yukari’s role and talk about how irrational she is here. And now you’ve got people complaining that Reload softens and sanitises her character and makes her storyline weaker. But I feel it’s a case of identifying something doesn’t work but being incorrect as to why.

The thing about the SEES group fight is that it’s fundamentally a really poorly done conflict. It sucked in FES and it sucks here too. There’s not enough meaningful disagreement between the group to make it feel earned. The only one acting out and taking the MC’s death badly, is Yukari. When really if this is the climax they wanted to build to, everyone should have been grieving badly and constantly at each other’s throats. It could have been this building frustration and animosity, until they’re all at odds over what to do with the key and a fight breaks out.

What we get is everyone…mostly being pretty chill, aside from Yukari being kind of petty and jealous at Aigis. And I think the reason people react badly to her (misogyny notwithstanding) is that it’s really weird when she’s the only one having this extreme reaction. Instead of everyone dealing with the MCs death in their own distinct way, it’s only explored with Aigis and Yukari and only somewhat. Hell if you didn’t have such a jarring disconnect, and there was a better variety of reactions and thoughts from across the cast, I think more people would praise Yukari’s writing here. As it stands, when everyone else is almost ridiculously reasonable, it looks very jarring.

And then when the group do fight it feels completely out of nowhere precisely because of how agreeable everyone’s been. Everyone willingly jumps into a pointless fight that could get them all killed, one that only one member of the group even wants. All for a very contrived plot point that was set up five minutes ago. It’s executed in such a sloppy way that it makes the genuinely good scene of Yukari’s breakdown ring hollow. You get the sense that the writers weren’t really interested in exploring Yukari’s grief beyond using it as a plot device to make a dumb, unnecessary punch up scene happen.

I can see what they’re trying to do in Reload. They wanted to make Yukari stick out like less of a sore thumb compared to the rest of the group. But if they were gonna do that, they kinda needed to dial everyone else up, not dial her down. Build the tension between the party further rather than decrease it. Because now, if Yukari, and by extension the rest of the party are way more reasonable, it just begs the question even more of ‘they why are you fighting in the first place?’ It’s slapping on a band aid in a way that just exposes the whole scenario’s weaknesses

I genuinely think Episode Aigis needed to either keep the Answer entirely as is, or overhaul it completely. Making little changes like this won’t win over people who hated The Answer the first time, and will just annoy people who liked it as is. As it stands, The Answer is still a mess of good ideas mired by poor execution and Reload’s take only makes a handful of small changes that are ultimately different, not better.

[inbarfink]

Ever since we saw Finn and Simon’s little failed camping trip

I’ve been thinking a lot about this scene in ‘Prisoners of Love’, the very first Ice King episode in the whole show.

Because like… even this early on, long before Finn even heard the name ‘Simon Petrikov’, he already recognized that Ice King probably needs some serious help. But being a young child and a ‘simple dude’, he can’t give Ice King the help he needs - and he knows it. He just kicks his ass and rescues the princesses basically because he’s painfully aware of the limits of his emotional maturity. 

And now, Finn and Simon are genuine friends and he’s actually the first person Simon really confides with about the fact that he still needs help

And while his child self was sure he couldn’t help Ice King, he’s now honestly believes (or at least wants to believe) that he can help Simon

And he tries so earnestly to help, from the bottom of his heart, and he still fails miserably and he doesn't even realize it!

On some level because he’s still that ‘simple dude’, but he actually had a better understanding of his limitations as a child than as an adult. And on some level because he has grown more complex, but in the sense that he now has a fuck-ton of his own trauma and grief that he has no idea how to handle.

And it just says so much about how far these two have come, and how much Finn grew and matured since the start of Adventure Time and how much things changed - and also how much they’ve stayed the same. And like, even about the nature of ‘maturity’ in general. Y’know, what does it mean when Child Finn at his very childish knew his limitations so vividly - while as an adult he denies them?

But I’m also thinking about the last part of Finn’s ‘Prisoners of Love’ dialogue - the part where he suggests that the Ice King could talk to Jake. Especially when everything about Finn and Simon’s F&C interactions happens very obviously under the shadow of Jake’s death.

Now, I was never really quite sure that ‘Prisoners of Love’ Finn was right about Ice King needing to talk to Jake. I think that was more of Finn idolizing how wise and mature his big bro was. Because, like, Jake kinda alternates between genuinely giving a lot of good advice and between just saying whatever makes excuses for his many personal vices. Plus, he always had less patience and sympathy towards the Ice King compared to Finn.

Including that very scene! That’s literally shown in the next line of dialogue!

But, maybe if it was Finn and Jake together - the combination of Finn’s sympathy and genuine drive to help and Jake’s wisdom and good advice could've helped a lot more. And also... it is literally Finn’s grief over Jake that indirectly led to Finn’s attempt to help Simon to fail so spectacularly. So you can at least say that if Jake was around - as in if he was still alive, maybe this wouldn't have turned out so badly.

And also.......

It feels pretty notable to me that by the end of the Series, the person who did get Simon to the root of all of his Issues, possibly the most important singular conversation Simon had

was with Beth the Pup Princess. The Jake of the +1000 Era. Quite possibly Jake's literal reincarnation.

[steddieunderdogfics]

This week’s writer spotlight feature is: ghosttotheparty! @ghosttotheparty has 72 fics in the Stranger Things fandom and 61 of them are in the Steddie tag!

@estrellami-1 or anonymous nominator recommends the following works by @ghosttotheparty:

love me softly

a mess of holy things

pretty girls (series)

hideout

fate

"This author has captivated me from day one. I’ve since gone back and read and re-read everything they have in fandoms that I am a part of, and I’m highly considering reading everything, regardless of fandom!" -- @estrellami-1

They also had this to say: "It was so hard to just pick five fics—I’d easily pick all of them if I could!! These five are just a few of their fics that I come back to, time and time again. This author’s way with words is absolutely stunning, and I want to be like them when I grow up! 😉" -- @estrellami-1

Below the cut, @ghosttotheparty answered some questions about their writing process and some of their recommended work!

Why do you write Steddie?

I honestly just adore them so much. Characters that are opposites have always been something I’ve loved; Nico di Angelo and Will Solace are the first to come to mind. I’ve loved them since middle school (I’m in my third year of uni now), and I’ve apparently drawn some connections between their dynamics and Steddie’s. I also feel like Steddie just has so much potential in regards to different dynamics. There are so many alternate universes in which they’re entirely different from the way they are in the original show but there is still a consensus within the community of what kind of people they are and how they behave, speak, or interact. Despite writing the same characters over and over and over, I’ve had so much fun being able to experiment with different personalities and dynamics.

What’s your favorite trope to READ?

I think everyone knows at this point that I lovelovelove hurt/comfort. Physical injury and wounds, nursing the other back to health, trauma recovery, nightmares or flashbacks, sub/dom drop, panic attacks or breakdowns, give me all of it. (Bonus points if this is pre-relationship and the comforter calls the other a pet name (cough baby cough) for the first time in the midst of it all. God.)

What’s your favorite trope to WRITE?

See above. In all honesty, I love intensity. Heavy emotions like grief and anguish and rage are my fucking thing, and I think most of my longer fics involve at least one heavy scene with a panic attack or emotional breakdown. Something about the release and expression of emotions followed by tender patience and sweet comfort is just so cathartic for me.

What’s your favorite Steddie fic?

I write more fics than there are fics that I read, unfortunately, but the first fic to come to mind was in my life by mourningshowers (@keycarabiner on tumblr). Sososo sweet and tender. It ripped me apart and then stitched me back together and gave me a lollipop as a treat. I also adore the series The Rush of Thunder (That Brings You Under) by callmejude (@callmejude on tumblr). The pacing and characterisation and dialogue were fucking phenomenal. Print this whole series out and bury me with it when I go.

Is there a trope you’re excited to explore in a future work but haven’t yet?

I have a few AUs that I haven’t actually explored quite yet; one involves teacher!Steve and another is about punk!Stobin (platonic, Obviously), and yet another involves artist!Eddie. But more generally speaking I would like to explore some heavier themes in the future when I have the guts.

What is your writing process like?

Good question. I have no idea. I write pretty much every night, usually with Youtube or Netflix on next to me (typically playing things I’ve already seen so I don’t have to pay full attention to follow along, but my main go-tos are documentaries/docuseries), and I tend to just get as much out as I can. I write most linearly; I tend to not skip ahead and go back, but occasionally I’ll have an idea for a scene that I need to scribble out to make sure I don’t forget it. But my plotlines and focus points tend to shift as I’m writing, so sometimes these scenes end up changing as well.

Do you have any writing quirks?

I hadn’t noticed any, but Bee (@jewishrat420) pointed some out to me: - I consistently use the word ‘press’ - I phrase actions in lists with commas and a finalising and. - I tend to have repeating themes (for example, warm and cold and the quiet journey a character makes from their loneliness to the warmth of someone else). I’ve also noticed that I really like writing visceral imagery; even in fics for other ships I’ve mentioned one character longing to claw open their partner and climb inside them. I love bloody imagery, which Steddie are perfect for.

Do you prefer posting when you’ve finished writing or on a schedule?

If I’m uploading a fic with multiple chapters, I generally try to stay ahead of my posting schedule with at least one to two chapters already written in advance of posting. For my current wip, though, I’ve decided to post only when it’s complete, and to post on a schedule just in case I get behind or lose track.

Which fic are you most proud of?

Probably a mess of holy things.

How did you get the idea for a mess of holy things?

Ah, my love. The inspiration for this fic came from dirty paws by inifiniteorangepeel (@infinite-orangepeel on tumblr). Her version of Steve had me by the fucking throat, and I genuinely could not stop thinking about him even though I think this was before she even started uploading actual parts of the fic. I knew that I wanted to write some kind of religiously traumatised Steve, naive and curious about Eddie fucking Munson, and the haze of an idea snowballed into whatever this fic became.

When writing a mess of holy things, what was something you didn’t expect?

Honestly, I wasn’t expecting how confrontational it would feel. I was raised Catholic, and I put Steve’s parents in a category of religious people that I’ve never really known well. I was never forced to go to church or Sunday school (in fact, I think I only went to Sunday school for, like, three weeks), and for the most part as a child, my relationship with God was amicable. My abuela was very religious when I was young (my mother likes to say, “She was more Catholic than the Pope”), but I never felt as though her faith impeded upon my own life. She would tell me that my artistic skill was a gift from God, and she would pray over me when I had tummy aches, and even though I wasn’t very faithful, I found comfort in it. I also have always found a peace in holy buildings; churches and church graveyards are some of my favourite places to just sit in silence. So I wasn’t expecting the emotional whiplash writing holy things gave me. Writing from Steve’s point of view at first felt like writing fantasy, making it up as I went because I couldn’t write from experience; I have healthy relationships with both my parents, and even though my father had a very difficult childhood, he’s done everything he could to be a good father to me and my brother, so Steve’s father was entirely made up. It wasn’t until I got further along in the fic that I actually realised how big an impact even a slightly religious upbringing had on me as a queer person. My parents never taught me anything hateful, never complained about anybody in regards to God, but somehow this general religious disapproval latched itself to my ribcage, and I hadn’t realised I’d been carrying it around with me my whole life. And I was forced to confront it, along with the distrust that I’d inadvertently developed toward religious people.

What inspired love me softly?

My darling!! This fic started as a random one-shot about Eddie bitching to Gareth about having a crush on a normie, but the feedback was so lovely I decided to write another part. And then another. And then another. At some point the vague idea of a plot appeared, and this universe became very dear to me. I still have ideas for follow-up one-shots, which I keep in a collection on AO3. I think this fic is also what started my love for Tommy Hagan, who I’ve since claimed as an OC. He’s mine now.

What was your favorite part to write from hideout series?

While I was writing this series, I found that I love secret relationships. The idea of Steve having something in his life that he could turn to for some sense of normalcy despite everything in his life literally being straight out of a science-fiction movie was something I loved, and writing the majority of it from an outsider point of view was a fun experiment/exercise.

How do/did you feel writing fate (series)?

Oh, GOD. I love angst. I had the idea for Eddie’s death, specifically him singing the Tennessee Waltz and the whole “Do you think God’ll let me in?” thing, and I worked from there. I actually considered leaving the fic at Eddie’s death, but as much as I love angst, I also love happy and hopeful endings. Even though my heart hurt the entire time I wrote this whole series, I loved it all. Wayne’s point of view was a fun (ish) shift in perspectives and I’ve since included sections in his point of view because I love him so much. (I do also have a one-shot specifically about him living in my head, but I have yet to put it into words.)

What was the most difficult part of writing pretty girls (series)?

I don’t know if I would really consider it difficult, but it did require some actual thinking to write Steve as transfemme, or genderqueer in the opposite direction as me. To take my own experiences and feelings and shift them so they’re upside down was definitely interesting.

Do you have a favorite scene and/or line from any of your fics?

This is from one of my less known fics, spill my guts: “And I’m so fucking high right now, but Steve, I— I think I love you.” It just feels so representative of Steddie as a whole. (Honestly the whole scene kind of feels very Them: both of them high out of their minds and suddenly confessing their undying love in the most dramatic fucking way possible. Ugh. I love them.)

Do you have any upcoming projects or fics you’d like to share/promote?

I’m working right now on a fic that involves priest’s son!Steve and recovering addict!Eddie, and that’s all I’ll say on that <3

Outside of these questions, Is there anything YOU would like to add?

Not entirely relevant, but I make playlists and pinboards for almost all my fics (if I don’t have one of either for a fic that you’d like one for, literally just hit me up and I’ll put one together); here are the ones I made for Steve & Eddie <3 S - https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3dW3wTo8nD11RuqKs9aj52?si=9f98f4a287394152 https://www.pinterest.co.uk/ghosttotheparty/king-steve/ E - https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4eWRFi07VIEKIoeaGwfFI5?si=791fa1f2dd6a4f7e https://www.pinterest.co.uk/ghosttotheparty/eddie-the-banished/

Thank you to our author, @ghosttotheparty, and our nominator, @estrellami-1! See more of @ghosttotheparty's works featured on our page throughout the day!

Writer’s Spotlight is every Wednesday! Want to nominate an author? You can nominate them here!

[humanpurposes]

Initial thoughts on Season 2 Episode 1

I understand there's a big cast, there are more locations, we're introducing new characters, but the scenes really need room to breathe and just exist within the story. There was so much jumping around, compared to 1.1 which was a lot more focused in terms of storytelling, but then we've got a lot more going on here.

The visuals are gorgeous, there are some really good interactions, but overall I'm somewhat underwhelmed.

I loved starting off in the North, the raven flying to Winterfell while Goodbye Brother played genuinely made me tear up. And for what little time we got with Cregan Stark I liked his conversation with Jace. Look at these two kiddos taking their responsibilities head on!!

Rhaenys ate Daemon up hehe. Daemon's still a loser.

So you could give me Criston "muff muncher" Cole but not a single line of dialogue from between Baela and Jace :/ I love the idea of Alicole being canon, but I expected their relationship to be a bit more subtle, a bit more tentative rather than having two sex scenes shoved in our faces with no explicit buildup from season 1.

I love Aegon trying to be a dad and how he looks at Jaehaerys in the small council. I like that he's more willing to take on the role as King, and whether he is looking for validation or if he's being strategic, it's interesting that he points out the importance of keeping the small folk happy, because he's absolutely right.

The disconnect between Aegon and Helaena breaks my heart. It's the point Tom and Phia made about them being parents, siblings and spouses, and they still can't find common ground. What gets me as well is that they're both trying to be good parents. They clearly love their children despite the terrible example of parenting they've had growing up, and the fact that they themselves are so young.

Otto's done with everyone lmao.

I wishhh we got more of the immediate fallout of Storm's End on the Greens' side. I wanted to see Aemond get berated, I wanted more panic from their side when they realise they're heading for war and the danger that will put them in.

Rhaenyra's limited screentime was really effective for me. Her finding Arrax's wing, her reuniting and grieving with Jace, the funeral, Emma plays those silent moments so well.

Blood and Cheese... I'm trying not to judge this too harshly because to be fair, I did have an idea in my head of what this scene was going to look like. I thought there would be more hysterics, and then it all happens so... simply. Phia did an incredible job with what she was given, and I do find it convincing that Helaena would shut down a little bit, that she'd go into this state of shock and want the situation to be over with as little fuss as possible. That's the thing with trauma as well, it's not always melodramatics and screaming and crying, sometimes it is just as simple as, "this awful thing is happening."

I wish there had been more buildup for this as Helaena's moment. As @ai-megurine said, this scene should have been told from Helaena's POV, her sharing a moment with both of her children not knowing these are Jaehaerys' final moments. I appreciate they tried to create a bit of an emotional connection between him and the audience with him in the small council chamber, this really could have set us up for a really gut-wrenching moment. That being said, sound will always get me, hearing the sawing was horrific, and the muffled crying killed me.

Is it a bit of a cop out that the assassins were the ones who decided to kill Jaehaerys and not Aemond? Daemon's the one going "a son for a son," so in a way it feels like a "will no one rid me of this troublesome priest" moment. They were technically following orders. I like this illusion of control when it comes to violence. Rhaenyra is as cautious as she can be in 1.10 because she knows things will get out of hand if she acts on her grief. It makes perfect sense that she wants Aemond dead, but then she's made the order for bloodshed and she can't fully control what happens next. Just like Aemond may not have intended for Luke to die the way he did, but he acted on impulse with terrible consequences.

[dana-chan-the-control-brain]

The last interaction Dib has with his father for years.

Things said... things unsaid...

Sometimes... you just need to let them know, the things you hold onto.

An echo return of past conversations

Part of the Post Florpus AU in the somewhat distant future. 

Dib and Zim leave for college or something, I don’t know. 

This comic is ooooooooooold. Like around two years old. I shared an preview update on my Kofi and shared with a few people in discord servers for awhile, but I never posted it publicly. 

Part of the reason I held onto it for such a long time: (personal long ramblings under the cut and talk about my grief experiences.)

....was partly because I felt without context for the overall series huge chunks missing about Dib’s character development in Post Florpus and what I have planned, it would have come across as a shallow thing... Dib forgiving his Dad for being a neglectful father or something akin to that and I feared the protentional backlash something like this could have among the Invader Zim community. Since people who connect personally with that show typically all have their own issues regarding their parents. (not always but I see it very often)

And I changed the dialogue of what Dib said to his father over several times. Like “I love you” “I forgive you....” but it didn’t seem appropriate to me. Nothing felt right other than telling him that He’s proud of him in the same way that Membrane told Dib in Enter the Florpus. 

And no, Dib doesn’t forgive his Dad for having a shitty neglectful childhood. Cause he was, a terrible parent, but Dib can acknowledge that his Dad is getting better... and working to improve... and knows his Dad loves him... but he also can establish boundaries and set his distance... this is the last thing Dib basically says to Membrane before he cuts him out of his life temporarily when he goes to University. 

And it very personally echos the relationship that I had with my Father and Mother. There was a huge period of time where I hated my father after he passed away. For how distant he was in his parenting style and how much he left my controlling Mom to do everything. When he passed away I felt like my Mom was tighter with a leash on me, and it took a long time and therapy on both of our ends to have a healthy relationship with good boundaries. 

I’m on real good terms with my Mom now and I can’t imagine a time where it was ever tense between us, and she’s really a different person then the one I grew up with. Heck, even Mom from seven years ago is a different person and was way were then. I’m glad that I can call my Mom my friend too. 

I know it doesn’t always work out that way in real life for some people.... but this AU is extremely personal to me, and I like to write about my displacement in my family since my Dad died, and what happened over the years as we coped with that. 

Post Florpus AU stemed from me being emotional about ETF due to my grief of losing my father and my own personal experiences with my family just struck the right chord at the right time in 2019. And that has never changed. 

I drew this two years ago angry at the time... thinking that there were many things I wanted to tell my Dad. How he could have been there for Mom more when me and my sister were struggling with heavy bullying in school, how Dad could have took on more responsibilities when my Mom tried to go back to college. And how I still wanted him here.... but in retrospect, he did the best he could do at the time, knowing what he knew... as an undiagnosed autistic and everything else.... 

Like there’s no forgiveness of his favoritism of one child over the other and how he left Mom to do all the parenting. But I feel if he was alive in our family unit today, we’d all have a healthier family dynamic and balance. People can always change, and change every day and I personally don’t hold onto memories of people when I know every five years someone can be reborn. But the effort always needs to be there.

I don’t know. I’m rambling.  

In any case, I just kept this under my belt for so long because I was worried of public perception and worrying people might judge me for “Forgiving shitty dads” or something...

Sorry to break it to you... but in this AU everyone does get better. Dib doesn’t even need to be in contact with his Dad, and he won’t for a long while until he matures more. 

Forgiveness is a choice on the Membrane Sibling’s part, and sometimes, in this case... it isn’t needed. Membrane himself doesn’t even want forgiveness for his shitty parenting in the past. He just wishes for his children to grow up happy and healthy, and if they want to stay in contact with him, great, but he won’t force himself when he’s not wanted. It’s a delicate balance.... He’s not forgiven exactly, but the Siblings appreciate the effort... and they like who he is now, rather than who he was... but it will take a long time before they can have a proper adult child and parent relationship. Baby steps.

TLDR: My au. My rules. Membrane Trying juice. 

[aranarumei]

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

I'll take any info on the sasamiya ones but I must admit that since I'm subscribed to your profile getting notifications about final fantasy fics was a fun experience.

ask me to give “director’s commentary” on some part of a fic! or send a ⭐️ for me to talk about a bit of my choice?

ohhh…! that’s so many stars. and you’re subscribed to my ao3 profile….! how lovely! anon you’re wonderful. always nice to know I have a—if I dare be so bold—fan. now as that’s quite a lot of stars, so I… went overboard. consider it an expression of my affection for you, anon. going to put the rest of it under the cut:

about ff7: I’ve been playing ff7 veryyyy slowly for the past six months or so! it’s been exciting—I’ve managed to avoid a LOT of spoilers, and am still doing so, because I haven’t finished the game lol! but I had a reallly strong fic idea, centered around cloud & tifa, so I couldn’t resist. the dynamic between those two is so fascinating to me, because with the deaths of zack and aerith, I think they, as the ones “left behind,” have a really good opportunity to like… share in grief, and such. I wanted to write that fic in a way where any romance is kind of ambiguous, and secondary to the pure feeling of like, grief and love and living intertwined.

anyways. since you asked about sasamiya, I’m going to talk about various scattered sasamiya fics! I’ll gloss over the anomalous agate, because though I could talk about it for ages, I also wrote up a general commentary post. I’ll also skip over something there, since I just answered something in relation to that already. I’m really quite surprised (and flattered!) you said any of them, anon… there’s quite a few oddities in there.

I suppose I’ll start with a delinquent and a stargazer. that was a title I only ever came up with once porting a bunch of fics over ao3… and I was so embarrassed to find that backdated fics apparently show up as email notifications for subscribers. I’m sorry.

titling was so hard, but I’m pretty proud of this one, as in the fic it’s questionable who, between sasaki and hirano, the “delinquent” and the “stargazer” are. the section I wanted to talk about, though, is this:

Hirano keeps laughing for a while longer, eyes scrunched in small joy, and then he flops down, flat on his back. His knuckle grazes against Sasaki’s arm before he pulls it back. “I think that’s the first time I’ve seen you smile.” “What?” “Just—” Hirano falls quiet. “I don’t know.”

so, when I was talking about something there, I briefly touched on the idea of sasaki being attentive when it comes to hirano, and that sense of Attention and Observation is something that’s really important to me in the sasahira dynamic. even when they’re not quite friends (first year), they’re deliberately conscious of each other in a way they’re not going to vocalize. so that’s what’s going on here, dialogue-wise—hirano makes a comment that’s indicative of him paying special attention towards sasaki, and specifically what makes him smile. in the description, sasaki’s remarkably attentive towards how hirano laughs, so he’s also cataloguing expressions of joy. they’re doing the same thing! also, sasaki focuses in on that graze of touch because it’s a very slight… crossing of boundary, here. like, you don’t usually casually touch people you’re not friends with. at the very least, sasaki is not going to do that (see: his issues with controlling his strength and stuff—I bet that spills over into being a bit over-conscious of touch)

next, let’s address this bit from help! my classmate’s asking for relationship advice, but I’m aromantic!?:

“Those are common descriptions, sure.” Hirano levels him with a flat look. “You sure lose all your worldly upperclassman charm when Miyano’s not around, huh?” Miyano was different. Miyano was the type of person to have stars in his eyes. Hirano was… also the type of person to have stars in his eyes, even if he went about it differently. It was, strangely enough, Hanzawa’s favorite thing about both of them. “It’s my secret,” Hanzawa says. Thankfully, Miyano hasn’t really asked him for advice of this kind yet.

my secret is that hanzawa’s “it’s my secret” is quoting. something that got stuck in my head. it's not famous or anything so I doubt anyone will recognize it. but it made me laugh, so I kept it in for the same reason I decided to use my wip title as the actual title… because it’s funny! also it killed the stress of having to title the thing.

I tend to headcanon hirano as some form of ace—it’s clear he responds to touch in a different way than kagiura, so it’s an angle i think is fun to explore—so having him connect with an aromantic hanzawa headcanon was neat, here. this bit shows hanzawa’s underlying pessimism regarding love & romance, as contrasted with hirano’s optimism, as he's looking to meet kagiura where he is. both asexuality & aromanticism, to me, have things to say about “unconventional love,” and this was an opportunity to explore that, in a way that tries to fit with canon. right now, hanzawa is feeling uncomfortable about the idea of dating, and romance—these feelings are going to have him blow up at his brother a little later. this conversation is also going to make him reformat his approach for miyano, later. on hirano’s end, he’s clearly trying to puzzle out his feelings, but both he & hanzawa are limited by conventional descriptors of what “love” has to look like. i think hanzawa envies hirano for his feelings, as much as he kind of disdains them—they’re not things that could every apply to him, after all. so that’s what motivates the fic, for me.

I know I write a lot of hanzashiro fic, so it might have been a surprise to see me write hanzawa as aromantic, but it’s like… man, no matter how I think of hanzashiro, it’s always in a way where hanzawa’s got some hang ups about the idea of romance in general. there’s a reason I’ve never written them actually dating—if that happens, it’s not going to be conventional, and I’m far more interested in exploring the tension of things being ambiguously romantic between the two. this is fun because i characterize hanzawa as romance avoidant as well as generally avoidant (see him self-describing himself as picking the path of inaction in this fic) and that interacts well with tashiro, who seems like a regular guy, but has never had a girlfriend, doesn’t seem to care about having one, and is sometimes curious about romance in a way that’s suggests he doesn’t quite “get” it. tashiro’s also got a surprisingly sharp intuition, while hanzawa is perceptive and knowing… hanzashiro, then, to me, is about the tension of seeing, of understanding.

speaking of hanzashiro. I’ve written quite a few fics centered around it, but I’ll settle with talking about the first thing I wrote, two-tone. how about… this long concluding passage:

“Some attention’s fine,” Hanzawa said carefully. “Fame is different. It’s like… being inspected, over and over. Like an object.”  The silence between them stretched a little too long. Hanzawa cleared his throat, planning to leave, but the sound that emerged from his throat wasn’t gentle but rough, long, and dry.  “Hey,” Tashiro said, before Hanzawa had the presence of mind to be embarrassed. “You look parched.” He held out his water bottle, fingers curled around the neck. It swung between them.   Hanzawa stared back at him. He’d been doing it a lot, nowadays, but right now he felt overwhelmed by it, just looking at everything and the hint of a smile on Tashiro’s face, the way the awkward, close feeling in his throat was loosening already, feeling like he was on the edge of many realizations that were all secretly the same one. There was a metaphor here, somewhere, to be pulled from the shape of Tashiro’s knuckles brushing up against his hand—something about hunger. A starving man who’s been drinking an ocean given his first sip of spring water. For now, Hanzawa was content to let that stray thought swirl along with the rest. Maybe years later he’d think about how to write it down. Tashiro grinned as Hanzawa accepted the bottle, took a long, slow gulp. “Feeling better?” he asked. Hanzawa stared up at his half-bleached hair and sunny smile. “Yeah,” he said, voice smooth. “Something like that.”

two-tone is a fairly obvious title—tashiro’s got two-tone hair, and hanzawa’s two-toned in that he’s multifaceted. originally this was meant to be a 2-chapter fic, w/ a tashiro pov sequel, and this… kinda but not fully exists in two-faced.

but—okay. let’s break down this scene. hanzawa is someone who’s really aware of what is “normal” and doesn’t really want to be “abnormal.” this is why he doesn’t want to be famous—he’s already wearing some kind of mask, and that level of constant inspection is going to turn him into someone who’s like… fully dissociated from himself. he’s going to think of himself like an object or a puppet to maneuver, rather than a person. so being inspected scares him, because he’s not good with honesty, and feels like what’s underneath isn’t like… evil, or bad, it’s embarrassing. hanzawa reveals some of his discomfort with this, and immediately wants to escape. but his throat is dry, so any smooth escape is broken up by this harsh, ugly sound—like the ugliness of himself is being shown, here.

next, tashiro offers water. there’s a couple reasons for this. the primary and obvious one is because hanzawa is parched. the second reason is that I was heavily inspired by what I’ll call @dirtbra1n’s river series, which uses the river as a really fascinating metaphor for a lot of hanzawa’s character. I think you can do a lot with the shifting nature of water—how it adapts to take the shape of its container, for example, and I wanted to pay some kind of homage to that, so that’s why we’re using water bottles. I then proceeded to lose my mind when i read that anthology bit where tashiro slides a drink over to hanzawa when he’s accepting the possibility of being captain.

okay, but back to the offering—tashiro’s fingers are curled around the neck. this evokes a sense of—albeit gentle—strangulation. so that pairs well with what hanzawa’s fearing at this moment—honesty, awkwardness, etc. he doesn’t want to be caught. but the bottle’s also swinging… a motion that puts it in limbo, and I imagine it’s got a sort of, hypnotic pendulum vibe. it’s alluring. hanzawa accepts.

accepting doesn’t bring any kind of awful thing. instead tashiro’s nice, easy, in the way that honesty is when you feel safe. hanzawa’s throat loosens even before he drinks any water, because tashiro’s presence is one that makes talking comfortable. hanzawa’s staring at him, and tashiro’s looking back—some attention’s fine. he’s on the edge of many realizations, things about how he’s allowing himself to be vulnerable and the like, but the reason for all that stems from a simple I like him.

then we get to talk about hunger. of course it comes when tashiro’s touching him, just barely. like sasaki and hirano, it’s a mild crossing of boundaries. a starving man drinking an ocean is not just having problems, he’s having “solutions” that are ill-fitted and actively damaging. starving tends to mean you need food, not water… and ocean water tends to make you dehydrated on account of the salt. then, a sip of spring water is a path towards a solution for thirst, but it’s not solving the starvation problem, yet. that’s why this is the barest of touches. it’s like spring—like the green tashiro wears, which, by the way, I said his favorite color was spring green before I knew he wore it a bunch—it’s like hope.

finally, tashiro asks hanzawa if he’s feeling better, and hanzawa responds truthfully. his voice is smooth—because of the water, and because tashiro makes it easier to be honest.

well, that was a lot! the last thing I thought I’d talk about is a dating sim au fic, because… it’s a pretty crazy concept and thus I thought I’d touch on it last. to give a quick summary, @dirtbra1n conceptualized an au where just shirahama & miyano exist in modern day japan, and then get isekai’d into the sasaki to miyano universe (only now it's a dating sim!), where miyano is the player character, and shirahama is Just Some Guy. a lot of the major sasaki to miyano characters have become romance routes, and that's going to bring around a lot of shenanigans where miyano runs from love and then runs towards it, and shirahama is losing his mind for a lot of reasons. the biggest of them being that shirahama’s got an unrequited crush on miyano, a thing that is semi-confirmed by volume 10 but was pretty left field at the time of this concept’s inception. what can i say. @dirtbra1n is some kinda genius. now, they have... a lot of very cool ideas that I'm not quite sure I can explain or conceptualize, but what’s interesting to me is the setup of shirahama as an npc in someone else's game.

I think this pairs interestingly with how unrequited love can kind of… make a person a side character. it’s usually there to introduce love rivals, to fuel plot, or to reach a requital. but I think there’s meaning and value in unrequited love that’s never reciprocated, too…? so there’s this bit in the stranger in the hall:

Ichinose turns his gaze to the floor. “Well,” he says, “since I’m graduating this year and I really doubt we’ll run into each other after that… like recognizes like, or whatever.” Nice, Shirahama thinks, the game never had any love interests that are third years when you’re a first year. Then he feels mortified. “And it’s a…” he trails off. “Um. Yeah,” Ichinose says, picking the dirt out of his fingernails. “It’s not really a—even if he wasn’t… it’s kind of a hopeless effort, you know? But I still…” A tightness abruptly seizes Shirahama’s throat. “Yeah,” he manages to get out. “I know.”

first off: meet ichinose ao. he’s a side character in hirano to kagiura that I’m obsessed with. if only I had the energy to post extensively about why I am. but we know he gets easily anxious to the point of stomach cramps, he’s a high-achieving student, and he’s got what looks to be a pretty hopeless crush on the dorm manager. I think this is fun—it’s pretty futile as far as mutual romance goes, but there’s valuable exploration in pining, in crushes, in learning the ways in which you love. he pairs pretty perfectly with shirahama.

I use the phrase like recognizes like because it’s a common one to signal two people’s similarities, but also because it’s literally liking—their unrequited crushes—that makes them similar. you see them mirror each other with how they talk about ichinose as a third year—he’s like, well I’m outta here so I can be a bit honest, and shirahama also relaxes because he’s going to be out of here and is therefore irrelevant to the miyano romance routes. and in this case, ichinose’s irrelevance means that he’s someone shirahama can talk to without fear.

and through their vague dialogue, this moment of connection allows shirahama, for the first time, to really vocalize the enormity of his secret love. and it allows me to try to express how even love, unrequited, has its own special place. that as it remains hopeless it remains valuable.

…and if you, reader, got through all of this, you have my kudos!

[piratefalls]

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by @ninzied! thank you friend!

How many works do you have on ao3?

40!

What's your total ao3 word count?

169,903, which is a shock to me because it really doesn't feel like that much.

What fandoms do you write for?

previously teen wolf/sterek and hawaii five-0/mcdanno, currently taking my first stab at rwrb/firstprince

Top five fics by kudos:

(Waiting) Until the Sky Falls Down on Me (sterek)

Today and Every Day (sterek)

I'm Gonna Give All My Secrets Away (stanny)

Man, Interrupted (sterek)

it's my (pants) party and i'll cry if i want to (sterek)

Do you respond to comments?

i do my best! sometimes i'm terrible at it, but i try!

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't really do angsty endings! I'm a HEA kinda girl.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

probably either Today and Every Day or it's like taking a guess when the only answer is yes because they both end in proposals lol

Do you get hate on fics?

never hate, but i've had a comment here and there that wasn't necessarily appreciated

Do you write smut?

not really anymore. i got myself to do it because it felt like the only thing that got traction and maybe if that was good enough it'd be a gateway to the stuff i enjoyed writing (and, frankly, stuff i spent far more time on). and i don't think i'm particularly good at smut anyway lol. but if given the choice between smut or funny/introspective i'm gonna go with the latter every time.

Craziest crossover:

I haven't done a crossover!

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

so idk who remembers this but a while ago there were people who would post people's fics to Goodreads and one of mine wound up there and those reviews hurt my feelings enough that i quit writing for a while after.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

not to my knowledge!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

haven't, but i think it could be fun with the right partner!

All time favorite ship?

this is an impossible question and i can't choose. i love them all equally, just for different reasons.

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

good lord my person of interest post-canon fic. will anyone read it? very unlikely. is it the principle of the thing? yes.

What are your writing strengths?

i genuinely have no idea. i've never given it any real thought. i mean, the build of what i write is some form of introspection mixed with humor, so probably those things.

What are your writing weaknesses?

plot and world building. i'm useless at it, for the most part. and like i said above, i don't think i'm great at smut. it's passable at best.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

i love it. though i do miss the days when people regularly utilized that hover function that would show the translation if you left your mouse over the phrase for a few seconds. way better than having to scroll down to the notes for the translation.

First fandom you wrote in?

teen wolf. much simpler times.

Favorite fic you've written?

I don't have a single favorite so I'm gonna go with a few for different reasons

humor: Got Your Body On My Mind (I Want it Bad) - mcdanno & co get sent to a sexual harassment training seminar. chaos ensues.

character analysis: Written in the Scars on Our Hearts - steve mcgarrett and all the ways a person can be touched and the

most cathartic: & lift him back up again - working through my own grief by making a character sad

crack, my beloved: it's my (pants) party and i'll cry if i want to - every time stiles orgasms his dick sounds like a party horn. there's glitter come. i might have been hammered.

tagging @wellhalesbells @priincebutt + i feel like doing an open tag for anyone who wants to share what they love about their work!

[hasarjunadoneanythingwrong]

*PATIENTLY WAITS FOR THE INDIAN LOSTBELT KING REWRITE FOR YOU*

Concepts I’ve thought about

-theme of lostbelt focusing on ‘guilt and memory’ but like this time more obvious

-something something instead of it being ‘just’ the lokapala arjuna alter is unconsciously trying to recreate his own siblings/family with them, though this means instead of kubera/nezha the ashwins would be used possible w a twin servant, or they’d be moved over to asclepius and someone else would get yama

-lb appears to be stuck in the time right b4 the kurukhestra war, cycling over and over in an effort to ‘prevent’ it despite it already in f having

-ashwatthama actively chooses to join arjuna alters side? Instead of the torture thing, as an exploration/continuation of the theme of ‘guilt,’ deciding to side with the people he hurt even if they’re now in the wrong as well out of a desperate attempt to try and right something that could never be fixed out of a nostalgia for a relationship long lost

-parallels between lakshmi bai giving up her life for her country and the youth of hastinapur giving up theirs for theirs? Idk I just feel like some line could’ve been done. Especially bc she also left a young child behind

-karna being forced to confront what ‘good intentions poor execution’ truly means as he witnesses people he knew and respected become warped beyond recognition, being forced to acknowledge his own role in enabling the conflict, once again having to come to terms with his tendency to enable and prioritize his pride and own desires over his common sense

-by which i mean I’ve considered subbing out karna alter over douman just bc it would be funny to have the more og text canon warhawk karna see some fucked up arjuna and be like ‘hey you should keep doing that :)’ while his lancer version is in the bg like ‘bruh’

- focus on the repetitive nature of the cycles, how and why they were reset, what that meant for arjuna alter’s psyche. Really hammer in the increasing isolation and disconnect, and the growing agitation as the inherent nature of humans prevented a world with no conflict no matter what he did or how hard he tried. Talk about what happened to his family and the other gods, and the thousands of years ago. Do a this chair monologue idk something

-parallels between arjuna alter and Asha as people who’s families were torn apart, who struggle to conceptualize their grief as they can’t even remember it. Let them talk at some point.

-look if rama comes into the lostbelt asking about his wife you can at least superimpose her sprite in the sky at the end after arjuna alter dies and have her be like ‘cool I’m not mixed w 400 other gods now. Sorry I can’t hang love you bby xoxo’ like cmon

- I want to see arjuna alter get MAD. Make him cry and scream about how unfair it all is it’s bullshit that it was karna. I want him to rail again the unfairness of having to kill your kin, of how no matter how much you destroy it will never create peace, of how the world he was in was destined to head to a bloody war, just SOMETHING

-let us run koyanskya over w the shadowborder. For fun

-if we have to endure kiara’s 400 hour buddhism monologue then can’t rama explain some like, basic aspects of Hindu theology to us. Why hasn’t that happened yet. Huh?

- you know how the boss fights from Greece-> onwards have their name in that countries’s script? Yeah something in like Sanskrit for here pls

-let us have an actual dialogue w arjuna alter

-let us actually see douman and arjuna alter interact.

-idk fuckin uhhh if Krishna was the guy who allegedly junao was able to absorb everyone through can we like. See what his deal is? In a flashback? Please?

-mention gilgamesh flies his vimana wrong for me. personally

-have a third party who knew arjuna who isn’t karna/ashwa/biased there to talk about what he was like. Idk Bhisma drona someone just let us see more facets of him so we can understand how he got to this state

-hammer in the memory issues. Hammer in the fact arjuna alter’s body is breaking down around him, held together only by force of will. Hammer in the fact he is willing to die to try and save everyone. Really get that beaten in there.

-for me personally given that hindusim features reincarnation heavily it would be nice to at least acknowledge most of the people deleted are probably reentering the samsara (only enlightened people exit the cycle which a flawed being can’t be). He hasn’t necessarily abandoned these people even if he’s treating them wrong.

[boopernatural]

Thoughts on the last of us part 2?

Omg… you have no idea what you’re walking into anon…

It is far and wide the most impactful game I’ve ever played.

There is a lot of criteria in which I could judge it and you asked and I have the day off so…

Firstly, the gameplay!

In my opinion, the gameplay in this is some of the smoothest, most fun of any game. Just like the first game, the transition from cutscene to gameplay is so fucking seamless I was sometimes taking a minute to realize I was in control again. The vast map and wide variety of controls you have over the character to me is incredible! Playing as Ellie is my favorite, she moves so fluidly and the jumping, climbing, ducking, crawling all of it feels so natural and immerses you so much. The highest difficulty I’ve beaten it on is hard so I can’t speak to the grounded or survivor challenge, but for me hard was perfect balance of challenge while still being fun and not too frustrating. The fight near the end with Ellie as the boss was the hardest one for me. And the rat king was a good chase scene/fight too.

Secondly, the visuals.

Naughty Dog never disappoints me with how fucking stunning their games look. The map of Seattle is seriously an amazing feat. Even during gameplay I’m struck by the beauty of the surrounding world, just like tlou1(esp after the remaster). I play on PS5, and so the graphics are just fucking phenomenal imo. My normal gaming experience is decent quality visuals in a cutscene and then clear jumps to gameplay more focused on function. TLOU2 (and 1) doesn’t make you choose. I seriously want to shake the creatives at Naughty Dog and just thank them for all the late nights and missed family dinners they must’ve had to create such intricate and well made visuals.

Some examples of shots I just think are neat:

Thirdly, the story/character arc.

I’ll admit it. The first time I played through this game I was miserable. Joel’s death was a nightmare come true, for Ellie and me. The scene was so well crafted, the dread building up to it, everything. Joel finally settling in and opening himself up to kindness and even heroism (in saving Abby) was his fucking demise. I don’t know what that says but… well, that’s what happened.

I was able to shelve my grief and enjoy the Seattle bits with Ellie and Dina because like her, I wanted those fuckers dead. The drama between Ellie, Dina and Jesse somewhat mirroring Mel Owen and Abby was interesting, but I felt our Jackson trio was much kinder to each other and healthier and would have worked it out a lot better. Jesse dying was so unfair.

The flashback scenes with Joel broke me. The entire museum arc… god. I’ve never played a video game that devotes an entire chapter to gameplay of something mundane and fun, no threats, no fights, the only interaction is climbing a big t-Rex or spinning a planet diagram. The dialogue is amazing, shows how comfortable they are with one another and that they’re really operating like a father and daughter. Things weren’t all doom and gloom. Joel getting her the tape, encouraging her to wear the helmet and close her eyes and Ellie being fully immersed into this fantasy (similar to what Riley does for her in the DLC with the arcade game!) I just love that the people who love Ellie foster and groom her creativity and imagination.

Ellie was trying so hard to ignore the lie between them, to pretend things were okay, and sometimes she could. Sometimes she forgot that this horrible thing existed underneath the surface.

But of course, it festers and rots when it’s untouched. The finding strings portion was amazing. Joel was OP as hell and I like that the game really shows how nothing will stop him from keeping his girl safe. He fucking kills a bloater with a machete and doesn’t get hit once. Unheard of?! The ending sequence where she confronts him was hard to watch. You feel what both of them are feeling and are somehow rooting for both of them to not have to address this pain.

Ellie returning to the firefly hospital… Joel racing after her, pulling her in for this hug like they’ve done it plenty before, you talk to me…

The devastation in both of their faces when the truth does come out. They both want so badly for this thing not to be here. For everything to be okay.

Then, you get to the theater. Abby is there. I’m thinking: I’ve reached the end! Let’s fucking kill her.

And then….3 years earlier.

I was angry, actually. I did not want to redo these three days as this character I despise! Even though Abby had great gameplay and some awesome fights that were really fun, I found myself just waiting for it to end. I was like game, this bitch killed Joel, sorry but I don’t care about her or her people.

The Tommy sniper bits were amazing and made that all feel worthwhile. Seeing him on the warpath to avenge his brother, and seeing his real darkness through all the evidence he left behind was amazing.

I liked the storyline with Lev and Yara, didn’t like the Owen/Abby abrupt back shots scene. Felt like a very NSFW siblings or dating moment. Not an Owen fan one bit! Felt bad for Mel, even though I didn’t like her as a person. Felt worse for Ellie when she realized what she’d done to her.

Then, finally got back to Ellie at the farm. I was pleading right alongside Dina for her not to go. Joel would have wanted this for her, this safe quiet life with her family. Everything would still be worth it to him if she stayed. He would have fulfilled his purpose. To give Ellie a life.

And then she fucking leaves…even though I knew she would, I was devastated for my Ellie. All I’ve ever wanted since I saw that lil switchblade-wielding lunatic is for her to be safe and happy. But it is in character for her to get in her own way.

Santa Barbara was fun, the Rattlers made me full of rage bc they were so difficult lol but a super unique concept and I enjoyed the play through of those parts a lot.

Ellie being the one to save Abby’s life. I love this. I am biting this I am chewing it I am swallowing it whole. I have so many thoughts on this one choice that I could write another way too long post about it.

Ellie and Abby finally have a fair fight. Even ground, both wounded and weak, both tired of all of this.

I wanted her to kill Abby. Still do, actually. I personally think… you’ve already killed hundreds of people who weren’t even the ones who directly killed Joel lol… but ok. I get what the game was trying to do. I just didn’t roll with it. That’s really my only story critique. And it’s barely a critique cause I like the ending as it is too.

Especially because, after my 2nd, 3rd, 4th etc play through, I grew to like Abby. I enjoyed her scenes and gameplay much more the second go through when I knew what to expect and where it was all going. I always thought her revenge on Joel was fair bc an eye for an eye, he’d do the same thing and Ellie did worse. But looking at her differently helped me enjoy the story more.

It would have hurt a lot more I think, to watch Ellie murder this girl I liked, and in doing so doom the little boy she’d sought to protect. Abby and Lev at the end as a mirror for Joel and Ellie in tlou1 was just… how can I make out with a concept? So. Good.

Ellie’s ending is so gut-wretching and sad I can barely even talk about it. 

She lost everything. Her biggest fear was ending up alone. Joel died before she could make things right with him, she lost Dina and Jesse and JJ and Tommy.

The flashback with Joel to the night before he died did provide me a little solace. Merely in the fact that Ellie was able to come out to him, something she was scared to do, and knew that he loved and accepted her as she was. (Honestly how could she ever doubt that?) and that he died knowing she still cared for him and wanted him in her life. I just know he must’ve spent that whole night feeling hopeful and anticipatory for the future. Fucking crushing.

When she picks up that guitar, a gift from Joel, the first bridge he rebuilt after their tenuous return to Jackson, the connection he forged between them when something unspoken was trying to pull them apart, the only way he could truly express to her how much she meant to him, and obviously a way Ellie reciprocated that…

Gone. She can no longer do the one good thing that threaded between them even after his death. And she abandons it.

She leaves the guitar there. The guitar she loved so fucking much she got the moth from it tattooed on herself forever.

I don’t know where she’s going. I’ve seen some say maybe she’s going back to Jackson to try and make things right. Unfortunately… that isn’t the interpretation I had.

I do know that this game made me feel things a video game never has. Living with these characters for so long. I felt Joel’s pain when Sarah died in the first one, and that was a sorrow that carried over into every scene of every game. I felt -viscerally- the horror and agony and pure unbridled rage at Joel’s death. I felt each misstep, each loss, each success and each surprise. These characters are not avatars to be played, they are people, and it’s fucking incredible. This story is complex and huge and sometimes really frustrating and unpleasant, and sometimes you hate it and sometimes you love it.

Neil Druckman said that whether people like his stories or hate them, as long as they’re not ambivalent, he’s done his job.

To me, Neil has done his job tenfold.

[mengyao]

4 and 16!! :)

4: Share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like)

from the letter to nmj in the last chapter of foowd:

I hope you would wish me well. I want to believe that you do, even if what I’ve become is unintelligible to you. All I can hope is that I will succeed in making myself unintelligible for reasons besides doing things that appall you. I still have some good qualities. Some of which you used to bully me about lacking! I’m certainly wiser than I was. More patient, too. I have developed somewhat of a sense of responsibility, and am much more independent and capable. But all of that has been true for years. The newer things… let’s just say that there are fields inside of myself I thought I salted, where things have taken root nonetheless.

this letter was some of the earliest stuff i wrote in the fic, because it was grafted from a scene cut from an earlier (canon era) fic, but it wasn't in letter format then, and it of course shifted a lot to fit this specific story. this paragraph was written much later.

even though this isn't how story structure works, i kind of consider that fic as having three "climaxes"... one being the flop proposal/sangcheng breakup, one being the eleventh-hour sangcheng makeup, but in between them is the part where nhs writes the letters... this one feels like the real climax of the fic in some ways. not in terms of tension but like. emotional weightiness rating????? nhs just could not have gone on to say "fuck it, i want to be with the person i love even if it means i can't fake my death and go into the self-imposed exile for the rest of my days that is the only way i've been able to conceptualize/justify quitting my job and taking the L permanently on the person i was supposed to be," if she hadn't come to some degree of peace with the fact that she'll never know what nmj would have made of these choices. if it feels like a betrayal of family/sect/etc, that all gets symbolically fixed into grief and guilt about specifically nmj, and that's the real barrier here--not anyone else in the world at large, really. but it felt like a very delicate needle to thread because i emphatically didn't want nhs' arc re: her family/nmj to come across like "realizing that your family sucks and having a victorious fuck-you-guys-i'm-out moment," because that would be severely out of character and also the nies' problem is not Bad People but intergenerational dysfunction and reverberating tragedy. so "i love you and always wanted to make you proud and am having to accept the risk that i wouldn't, because i have to believe that you loved me and wanted me to be happy more than you wanted me to be the person i should have been"--not specific to gender but everything else, of course--was the point i needed nhs to reach. which ig i decided was going to happen when she woke up at 5am to write some emotionally raw lettermail a few hours after breaking up with the guy she's actively in love with and then having a total meltdown about it.

the story having an epistolary motif was partly because i'd early on thought that the idea of sangcheng doing ye olde racy texting was funny and charming, but also i knew that the fic was not going to work unless there were opportunities for huaisang's real thoughts and feelings to occasionally surface through the tides of bullshit, and that was easier to do through in-universe writing than either dialogue or pov narration. and i couldn't come up with a less clunky way to get some overt closure/finality over the nmj stuff, but needed to, because it was like such a looming but intangible part of the story.

so anyway. um i made myself cry typing up this blurb about my own fanfiction which goes to show why i'm so proud of this bit in particular... because regardless of whether it worked for anyone else, it has consistently gotten me very emotional to think about/work on so i'm getting what EYE wanted out of it!!!!

16: Tried anything new with your writing lately? (style, POV, genre, fandom?)

lots of things, actually…

it's not that "writing an unreliable narrator/POV character" is new to me but something i'm messing around with on beefleaf #2 aka The Big One is shi qingxuan (who is the POV character) like… being a very active presence in the story As A Story. you know this post?

like that.

who's the audience? shi wudu? he xuan? both/neither? us? who knows!!!!! we'll see if that sensibility makes it into the final product but i'm enjoying playing around with it for now. it compels me because sqx, unlike most characters people think of as "unreliable narrators," is not manipulative in a meaningful way. they're not TRYING to lie to you. it's just... you know. hard to look things in the face sometimes, right?

the other thing that sticks out is that i've got not one but two wips at the moment that deal with sexual violence in some way, which i've shied away from in the past because of worrying that people would be weird about it, but i feel strongly that these are at least, like, the kernels of good ideas? we'll see how they fare in my execution lol. but also, like, xie lian's character arc is, among other things, About Sexual Autonomy And Violence in a blatant and textual manner so this doesn't feel particularly outre in comparison (they're both beefleaf but you know. operating in the same ballpark. shi qingxuan and he xuan both have certain obvious parallelismssnhdsm with xie lian so it's all In Conversation imo.)

[lakemichigans]

do you like lis2? I've tried to play it so many times and I really love the concept, but no matter what I just can't seem to get into it. I love love love lis, and true colors is one of my favorite games of all time. I even got through all of before the storm!! but for some reason I can't connect to the second game so much and it frustrates me. I was wondering what your thoughts are on all of the games (which I know is a big ask, so you don't have to go too in depth if you don't want) and where you would place lis2 among all of them??

oooh i’ll take any opportunity to talk about lis, but before i say anything, it’s okay if lis2 just isn’t your thing! life is too short to force yourself to finish a game you’re not into :’) anyway here’s my order from favorite to least favorite:

1 - LIFE IS STRANGE

i don’t think any game in this franchise will be able to capture the lightning in a bottle that lis1 was. it came out at a time when there were few story-based games and even fewer games that weren’t targeted specifically to men. the episodic format meant that a large fandom could gather to discuss theories and we had plenty of time to make art, fics, cosplay, etc. which all served to increase hype for the next episode. and i’m not going to talk too much about the story or the characters here because i think we all know how much i love them fjksjds it’s just sooo good. i’ll replay it over and over til the end of time.

2 - LIFE IS STRANGE 2

the reason i love lis2 is because of the strong bond between sean and daniel. i’m a protective older sister and daniel reminds me sooo much of my little brother, so there were some moments that hit me so hard i had to take a breather before i could continue playing. the relationship between them felt SO accurate and real, and the way you can feel their bond shifting over time depending on your choices is so cool. there are 4 unique endings with some of them having different possible variations, so your choices throughout the game matter a lot. it’s definitely a more chill, slower game than the first one, but i feel that the character development makes up for it. sean is my favorite main character of all the lis games; he has such a strong characterization on his own, but is also relatable enough that you can put yourself in his shoes (at least, i could). i love it a lot.

3 - THE AWESOME ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN SPIRIT

yes, i’m counting this as a game. it rocks. i love chris & his voice actor, the game is delightfully adorable with just the right amount of emotion running throughout it, and it’s one of the best portrayals of what it’s like to be a young kid growing up with a parent who is struggling with addiction, depression, and grief. it’s the perfect lead-in to lis2. i’m only putting it this low because it’s short!

4 - TRUE COLORS

this game was.... fine. i really don’t have strong feelings about it. the visuals were stunning, the dialogue was good (it lost a lot of it’s cringey charm though), the characters were pretty strong, and the story had a good concept. unfortunately, it just fell flat for me. the twists were predictable and, most importantly for me, it didn’t make me cry!! :( i’m not itching to replay it anytime soon.

5 - alllllllll the way at the bottom... BEFORE THE STORM

the rest of this is just a huge fucking rant about bts...

i fucking hate this game fjskdjs i hate the dialogue, the voice acting (i’m sorryyyy but why did they NEED to make this game during the voice acting strike?? why did they NEED to make it without ashly burch???), i hate hate hate the story. the story makes NO sense, ignores canon, and even directly contradicts canon in some places. like, why the actual fuck would rachel’s dad be the DISTRICT ATTORNEY but when his daughter goes missing, he doesn’t give a shit? no one is looking for rachel?? nothing about rachel’s parents interested me at all, and it all felt so incredibly unrealistic. in the first game, we were dealing with things like time travel and a local kidnapping ring, but somehow it felt grounded in reality SO MUCH MORE than anything that happens in before the storm.

but my biggest gripe is that bts rachel feels like a completely different person to the rachel we “met” through context clues in the first game. it’s jarring. sure, the romance between rachel and chloe is sweet, but it’s not at ALL the relationship i imagined them to have. in bts, there is no indication that within just a few months, rachel will be cheating on chloe with multiple other people, and planning to leave chloe behind while she goes to california. and look, i’m not trying to slander rachel here. i think she’s super interesting and complex, and i DO think she loved chloe in her own way, but it was definitely not this cute, puppy love, exclusive relationship that bts showed us. there’s just no way.

and WHY did they do that to nathan’s character??? it’s like they were trying to make us feel bad for him by giving him an even more sad backstory, but like.. i already felt bad for him!! his story hits especially hard for me as someone who’s also experienced psychosis many times. it’s fucking terrifying already, let alone when people are trying to manipulate you. nathan was mentally ill and even when he was showing clear signs of deteriorating mental state, everyone just kept covering up his actions and letting him abuse drugs/alcohol. no one noticed him literally being groomed by his older, well-respected teacher and mentor, who was also close with nathan’s father. and at the end of the story, nathan is murdered by his abuser. that’s fucking bleak!! i already feel awful for him!! we didn’t need to see freshman nathan getting bullied and booed off stage and being yelled at by his dad. those were just cheap tricks. i wanted to see an actual exploration into his mental state and everything that led to the events of life is strange. at the very least, they could’ve shown us nathan & rachel’s friendship, or nathan, rachel, victoria, etc. joining the vortex club. we could’ve gotten meaningful character exploration but instead they were like “hey what if nathan was a poor little meow meow?” lmao

i’m not done complaining yet fjskjds after everything that happens in the first game dealing with being drugged, kidnapped, sexual assault, etc. why the actual fuck did bts show a funny quirky scene where victoria gets her tea drugged just so she can’t perform in a school production??? my jaw was on the floor when they played that off like a silly scene. like. wtf.

[the-cat-chat]

January 7 - January 21, 2023

John Wick: Chapters 1-3 (2014-2019)

A neo-noir action thriller film series that follows John Wick, a former assassin, who is forced back into the criminal underworld he had abandoned.

JayBell: I love a good retired assassin seeks vengeance story arc. It may not be original, but it’s fun and over the top. And it’s Keanu Reeves!

This was not my first time watching the John Wick movies or even my second. Now I have to admit, they aren’t perfect movies. Keanu Reeves’ dialogue is a little too strangely stilted at times, which I guess is a purposeful stylistic choice on his part? At times it’s like every word is being dragged from him slowly and tortuously. Although this does fit his emo character, so there’s that.

I think my biggest gripe with these movies (specifically the 2nd and 3rd) is that when John is fighting like a mob of a hundred nondescript people in masks or helmets, they don’t always fight back as much as you’d think they would. Yeah I know John is like super skilled and everything and they’re in pain after being punched and thrown around, but sometimes they kind of just lay there slightly too long without struggling. It’s as if they’re just waiting for John to kill them.

Other than that one thing, I really enjoy the fight scenes. I don’t care much about car chase or motorcycle chase scenes, but I love close-quarter fight choreography in movies. I also like that the first movie introduces the rules of this criminal underworld, and the second and third movies flesh it out a lot further. This gives the movies a sense of development and greater worldbuilding. They also strike the right balance between realism and fantasy.

As a character, John Wick can be so dramatic. I love that he wears his little dark suits whenever he needs to conduct “business.” I propose that he shows up in the next movie in a bright Hawaiian shirt and flip flops. How many ways can John Wick kill someone with a flip flop? Stay tuned for John Wick Chapter 6: Beach Vacation Vengeance. But seriously, the series is about a man dealing with grief (or failing to deal with his grief), and man does he need some therapy.

P.S. Can you believe that all the shenanigans in 3 movies happen in like the span of a few weeks?

P.P.S. Charon doesn’t get paid enough for all this.

Rating: 7.5/10 cats 🐈

Anzie:

John Wick 1

I was pleasantly surprised with watching John Wick. Not that I thought it was going to be a dumb action movie but how is it possible there’s multiple?? Like please don’t turn Keanu Reeves into Bruce Willis. But Keanu Reeves could never disappoint. For the first one I think a lot of the intro about who the character John Wick is was really good and not cheesy and was more just like giving the general vibe of “yeah no we’re all scared of him and you’re dead dude.” I do wanna comment on the music bc it’s not annoying but it somehow feels like it’s either making fun of the seriousness but also perfect for the seriousness? I really like the hotel and the concierge guy, and I think overall it’s fun bc you know how this is going to go bc hey it’s John Wick- but it’s not really formulaic how most action movies go. I have strong convictions that John Wick is John Constantine’s new identity (or at least the alternate universe version ) and I’m glad to see he’s given up smoking.

John Wick 2

Soo I have no comments excepted that Italian guy’s a slimeball. And poor John Wick. And are people still trying to kill John Wick. They’re all like “Oh JOHN WICk 0—o, he’s so bad, I can take him.” Idiots.

——-The Italy Continental is way more swanky and the tailor and weapons vibe is cool but a lil weird. The whole pigeon man thing seems weird too like honestly he didn’t need him- he’s kill people with a PENCiL as we’ve heard multiple times. I’m sure he could’ve got creative for a few seconds - since he already had to steal the other gunS. And Laurence Fishburn’s incessant laughing. The mirror/fun house thing was nuts. Anyyyway like I said poor John Wick.

John Wick 3 Parabellum

I have to say the best part of this movie was probs the horse. Forget John Wick can use a pencil to kill a man - he knows how to use a horse as a weapon. I also just wanna know how the normal people in this movie act - like there should just be extra scenes past the credits that are normal people saying “You’ll never believe what I saw today when I was on my lunch break,” or the news covering “Breaking News: 45 Russian Men Found Dead in a Warehouse Used for an Illegal Car Ring.” But I digress, as the third film of this series it holds up solid and was enjoyable- and I KNOW the plot is every contract killer in the world is trying to kill John Wick but it felt a tad heavy on the fight scene- like they were just realllllly looong. (I KNOW OkAY). But let’s just say if everyone’s getting all high and mighty about the rules and EVERYONE KNOWS EVERYTHING- they should know Santino’s a weasel right?? And that’s my qualm. Shouldn’t this bounty have really been for Santino? Espppecially considering he was manipulating the HIGH TABLE??? But whatever.

Rating: 7/10 Puppers 🐶

(SORRY John Wick😬)

[bluenet13]

5, 4, 3, 2, 1

Rules: post the top 5 works you’re most proud of that you released in 2022 (not necessarily your most popular), your top 4 current WIPs that you’re excited to release in the new year, your top 3 biggest improvements in your writing over the past year, your top 2 resolutions (ways you wish to improve your writing/blog) for the new year, and your number 1 favorite line you’ve written this year!

Thanks @chicgeekgirl89 for the tag!

5 Works

The lightnin' in my heart makes it worth it: My first Rookie story and what I hope is the first of many. Chenford stole my heart and I had the best time writing them. I also love every single character on the show and had a lot of fun writing them ganging up on poor Tim.

Silhouettes with no regrets: Heartstopper is one of my favorite stories and I loved writing a Tarlos fic inspired by the show. I really like the balance it has between my usual angst, emotional moments between the boys and more romance than I've ever written.

A Partner's Always Got Your Back + A Friend's Always Got Your Back: Two fics that could be a first and second chapter of the same fic; hence, why I added them both. This was my first time writing from a perspective other than Tarlos and I had so much fun. I love Nancy and I really enjoyed getting inside her head, and showing her sass, how badass she is, and how good a friend she is to her partner and Carlos.

The Green and Brown of Each Other’s Eyes: This one is also very special and easily one of my favorite fics I've ever written. I loved filling in the blanks of various show moments and showing in my own way the growth and evolution of TK and Carlos' relationship. It has some of my favorite lines ever and I just loved exploring Tarlos and sprinkling little parts of myself within their story.

Surrounded by Love: My father passed away in 2020 and I wrote this fic about TK dealing with the passing of his mother in honor of that storyline and my favorite character, and as a tribute to my father and my own grief. It's very personal and very special and easily my #1 favorite.

4 WIPS

The Courthouse fic: Tarlos, Nancy and Tommy + Owen and Gabriel at court when a bad guy breaks out; what could possibly go wrong? Been working on this one on and off since 2021 and it rarely cooperates. I started working on it last week again and might have figured out how to make it work for a bingo square but we will see.

Domestic Abuse: A NCISLA bingo square where Deeks suspects his neighbor is a victim of domestic abuse. My typical angst with some of my 'humor' in between.

A The Rookie fic of Chenford's first Valentine's Day together since they started dating.

An earthquake fic for my 'Natural Disaster' bingo square that I haven't started. Not sure yet if I want it to be for The Rookie and Chenford, or Lone Star and Tarlos.

3 Biggest Improvements

Better integrating my dialogue with the descriptions of what the characters are doing and what's happening around them.

I used to be very much an introspective writer and I spent a lot of time getting inside character's head and doing descriptions. Now I feel more comfortable writing dialogue and incorporating more characters into my fics.

I used to think I could only write fic for NCISLA and even that was mostly a fluke. I've now written for 8 fandoms and have learned to see I'm a good enough writer in my own way. I see how happy writing makes me and now that, for better or worse, it's probably going to be a part of my life forever.

2 Resolutions

Writing consistently: I wrote 13 fics in 2022. 12 in between January and May, and 1 in December. Enough said lol.

I want to get better at adding humor and romance into my fics. I love whump and angst but want to feel as comfortable writing other emotions and different types of scenes as I do with those two.

1 Favorite Line

From Can You Feel It?

Sitting back down on the chair with a sigh, Carlos grabs TK's hand again and sets it on his chest, over his heart. "Can you feel it?" he asks his ex-boyfriend. "Can you feel it beating for the both of us?"

Tagging @wanna-be-bold @ejzah @ravens-words

[boxofbonesfic]

I'm so sorry to hear that :( I hope the universe rewards you tenfold for having to deal with this. 💖

I was so moved by your fic that when I sent the ask, I took a screenshot because I wanted to remember my feelings in that moment LOL! I'll retype what I wrote originally but it cuts off at the bottom so I'm not 100% sure what else I wrote and I'll just freestyle some extra thoughts <3 Written at 4:33 am December 25th (LMAO):

"hello!!!! 🩷🩷🩷 i am writing this message feeling so vulnerable and raw at 4:30 am because i was reading ur rockstar!bucky fic the devil between us and wowwwww... when i say im crying, i mean I'm literally crying!!!!!!!!! the way you tell stories is fucking incredible from the plot to the pacing to the dialogue to the FEELINGS!!! i am so in awe of your talent and i feel like i just walked into a movie that changed my life. this fic is so fucking beautiful and painful and vivid and i'm feeling it everywhere and i am hopefully going to go to sleep now and dream about it bc !!!! it's bone deep for me right now. Thank you for your art!!! And marry Christmas if you celebrate ❤️❤️❤️ the present i'm giving myself this year is believing that those three got their happy ending 🥹"

And that's where it cuts off!! Looking back, I could have been way more specific. I think your world building for that fic is a stroke of genius. It was so visceral for me. The way you wrote Bucky's grief and his desire to just completely disengage with the world as he knew it gave me such an epiphany. I honestly started crying because his feelings were so powerful and overwhelming. Reader's helplessness made me emotional, too, because I've been there - watching somebody abandon themselves and knowing you can only do so much. And I've also been that person running away myself. I felt this crazy gratitude for the moment I was in, getting to read your fic, and Bucky's grief was so real to me that I was honestly also grateful I haven't experienced his pain. Sweet iris, reader's strength, the small town vibes, the washed up rockstar, the slow burn, the tension, Bucky's negative self-talk, the family that is and could have been... it made me feel the full spectrum of human emotion. Their love was so real and palpable and the history between them that you felt in every scene was disarming. It was so healing for me and I hope they ended up healing, too. God, I just love the fic and think you're amazing ❤️ anyways I think i've blabbed on long enough!!! Love you bones have a good day <3

i don’t even know where to begin—there’s a lot of like, very real pain in that fic from all angles, and it really means a lot to me that some of the people reading it can feel what i’m going through when i work on it. it’s one of the things i’ve got sitting on my harddrive that makes me feel the rawest, to be honest.

and there’s just something so like, real, about hurting people and knowing you’re doing it but having absolutely no control over that. i feel like i’ve been the reader, i’ve been bucky, and i’ve been steve, and sometimes that makes it both really cathartic and also sometimes very sad to write 😅

anyway this ask made me cry, thanks

[nonobadcat]

I keep on seeing afo going for kids and breeding his darling but what is he like after and how much longer till he wants another one

Daddy AFO? Oooooooohhhh..... I have so many thots thoughts on this.

Head cannon Word count: About 3k

CW: Breeding, Yandere, some Sub AFO x Dom Reader, gender neutral but mentions of quirk which allows pregnancy regardless of biological status

Warning: BNHA Manga Spoilers

To start my analysis, let me say that I strongly view AFO as a yandere. My basis for this Chapter 193 and Chapter 310 which can be summed up by two events and one word:

Vault.

I mean, short of Toga, All For One strikes me as the most cannon (platonic?) yandere that the series has produced. Therefore, using his relationship with Yoichi as the basis for how he treats family, by the power of the Yandere MTBI, I'd classify him as such:

Reverent - Based on the dialogue between the brothers in the vestiges world, AFO really seems to care that Yoichi come to the dark side. Yes, he belittles his brother's love of heroes and world view, but the tone he takes sounds like he's staging an intervention rather than just being a dick about it. I just get the feeling that, as twisted as it may be, his behaviors stem from genuine affection towards a beloved brother who could be his equal rather than a pet. When it comes to family, AFO is a lover, however sick and twisted that love may be.

Delusional - "I've always wanted to be a demon lord since I read it in a comic book" is the most chuunibyou thing ever said by a grown man. It's possible he's joking but I love this one played straight. AFO truly believes that blood will conquer all... it's just a matter of getting these silly heroic impulses out of his brother's head.

Manipulative - "I gave you a quirk brother dear. Why you no like me?!" (｀∀´)Ψ

Strict with the power to be lenient - Considering Yoichi was literally running around the streets screaming "DON'T TRUST HIM! MY BROTHER IS EVIL!" as AFO trololololed his way across Japan, AFO clearly shows leniency towards family. That said, after a while, Yoichi got locked away because he wasn't doing what AFO wanted. A true lenient yandere wouldn't have gone that far and it makes me believe all of AFOs leniency was part of his manipulations.

So... what does that mean for you and your family, dear reader? I think it depends on one thing: Did you find out who All For One was or did he successfully keep it secret?

Scenario 1: Married to the angel

Be it by hook, crook or by you being the dumbest darling on earth, AFO successfully kept his evil tendencies concealed from you and he intends to keep it that way. Think of this as the "Dad For One" life.

AFO is that husband.

225cm (7'4" for you 'muricans) of gorgeous silver-blond with a barrel chest and a smile that can melt polar ice caps, can you say trophy husband? He never forgets an anniversary, always brings a present when he's gone on a "business trip" and generally reveals in all your little quirks (personality or otherwise). Others will flirt with him, but your husband (Yes, he put a ring on that. He has old fashioned values after all) is firmly off the market. After all, his family is everything and anything that causes them grief just needs to... well... disappear.

Heaven forbid anyone even look sideways at his darling. There'd be an "unfortunate accident" in under thirty seconds.

"That poor man just got run over by a truck!"

"My word, the streets of Japan are so dangerous now days. It's a good thing I'm here with you. Oh! Look! Wouldn't your mother adore that necklace?"

Speaking of family, this AFO would be the "heir and a spare" type because the larger the household, the harder it is to hide his secrets.

"I feel awful leaving you out numbered when I travel so much, but my little brother and I were so very close. I hate to see our child grow up without that bond..."

When it comes to little kids, Dad For One is "fun dad". Kids need to go to the doctor for their shots? Mean-old-you will be taking them and daddy will buy them ice cream to soothe the ouchies. He's the father who will throw them up in the air as many times as they want, even if they puke about it. If you leave them unattended, there is no bed time. You'll come home to your children snuggled on the couch with Daddy, dead asleep in their pajamas (at least he got them dressed for bed) while the dvd menu is looping. (Yes, he still uses dvds. He's a "bit old fashioned"). You'll have to shake him awake, but at least he'll pick up the kids and move the entire party to bed.

...their own beds mind you. Not very Japanese of him but a man needs to get laid at some point.

Bath time is a totally different matter. Co-bathing is normal and he loves bonding with the kids in this way. Thank heaven the bathroom is a traditional style with a drain in the floor. Tickle attacks and splash time is so common that, by the time you get in the bath, there isn't much water left. Oh well...

Dad For One is not a hover parent. Your children need to learn from their own mistakes. After all, parents these days are far too clingy. When he was younger, he and his brother got into all sorts of trouble which is why he locked Yoichi in a vault and they turned out fine! The kids will be perfectly safe going to the playground by themselves because Machia will be watching them the entire time. They will get scrapes. They will come home dirty. They might wreck the neighbor's child because that brat had it coming. Kids will be kids.

Trouble at school? You'll be doing the lecturing and Dad For One will agree to the punishment without question. This is a united front type of relationship because we can't have you getting suspicious. Besides, they need to learn not to get caught from their mistakes.

And seriously... how many more manga is he going to buy the kids?! Honestly! You're going to have to move into a new house at this rate because of all the presents he keeps—

...that had better not be a puppy he's handing the kids or you will murder him.

Speaking of speaking your mind, All For One finds it amusing. You are the only one on earth that is willing to tell the Symbol of Evil what to do and he's willing to listen because that's his kink. When you get angry, he'll tap your nose, laugh in your face, hold you close and tell you that you are right. Always. Why? Because it always works. After all, he'd do anything to keep his family intact happy.

So... what happens the one time it doesn't?

Scenario 2: Possessed by the devil

Your husband tilted you chin up, red eyes piercing your soul. "Why are you asking questions when you don't really want to hear the answers, darling?"

So you figured it out, huh? Guess you now know why ignorance is bliss.

I see three potential outcomes to this mess:

Route 2 - A: The crumbling moral high ground

"I refuse to accept this! I want a divorce!"

Your husband leaned hard on the door, snapping the latch shut. The devil sneered at you, his eyes glowing with hellfire. "Oh? Is that so?"

You could fight him tooth and nail. You'll fail, but you can try. He had years to work Yoichi over and he's learned from his mistakes. Straight to the vault with you, darling. You might come out with as much between your ears as as an eager puppy, but he'll be happy to get you there, one denied orgasm at a time.

The children in this scenario are irrelevant. You won't ever see them. He'll spirit away the brood and pump you for everything he needs to bring them up them properly. They'll grow up strong and happy while you stay dumb and content at his feet. 

Route 2 - B: The conscientious objector

“Now I’m sure you’re somewhat intimidated by all this but it comes with some truly excellent perks.” He rubbed his cheek against your temple and took a deep whiff of your scent. “I have my own money, so your current financial status doesn't worry me. I have contacts in every department and company across Japan so you’ll never want for anything. I don’t value things like fleeting youth, so you’ll never be too old to me.” He clutched you tight. “And, perhaps because of my age, I do have old fashioned values. I am a strictly monogamous man, so you won’t have to share me with any other lovers.”

You snorted at the words “old fashioned values”.

Shigaraki pulled back and looked you in the eye firmly. “Do you not believe me?”

You stared back at him. “You kill people.”

“Well, no one is perfect,” he pointed out.

Okay... so maybe trying to leave is a bad call. The odds are not in your favor and, even if you manage it, he'll probably murder everyone you know you get you back. What would happen in that passive resistance scenario where you stay but you still object to his villainous ways?

Well folks, we call that a Hypnotic Nightmare (See AO3 - 261k words and rising).

...but seriously, this is probably the ideal situation from All For One's perspective. It's the best balance of entertainment while still knowing you'll be crying on his cock at the end of the night. Unlike Yoichi, you don’t really have the power to threaten him and this time he’s not stupid enough to hand his morality pet the means to defeat him.

Back to that chuunibyou AFO thing I mentioned earlier, this time, the villain gets the heroine and he loves it. 

In this scenario, both you and All For One would be in the most hate sex filled breeding war imaginable. After all, if one of the children is born with a quirk that can rival his, whichever side claims it would have an edge. All For One gets you as his spicy little toy who snarls at him while he pumps you full of his cum. You look so precious when you’re angry and watching your pregnant belly (your biology be damned, there is a quirk for that) swell with his children is about as exciting as a four year old getting a Puppy Surprise ala Christmas 1992. You better believe Ujiko would be sitting around helping AFO make quirk inheritance Punnett squares over the phone while your husband lovingly rubs away the morning sickness.

What about after the children are born? 

“You know I will tell them the truth about you, right?”

He smirked at you and took a sip of his tea. “Not if I tell them first.”

So what if you find his villainous side repulsive? He’ll let you play your heroic role all the same because watching you struggle gets him off. 

Go ahead. Teach the children right from wrong. You might give them grounding, but Daddy can give them anything. Which one of you do you think a child going to pick after that? Oh, the kids noticed you can’t leave the relationship? Not like they can leave either. You succeeded and one of them wants to play hero? Cute. They’re grounded, vault style. See what you made me do, darling? Daddy didn’t want to punish them, but however will they learn? What if they children went after another villain with such pathetic tactics? Their reeducation is for their safety, really. 

After all, as long as you are under his thumb, the children are too.

This version of DFO I see as much stricter than the scenario 1 DFO. The children will have set bed times, come when called, and speak properly to their parents. Why? Because of you. With his spouse actively working against him, he needs to set the tone early and often and the tone is “bow before the Demon Lord Daddy”. Also, “when your father gets home...” is not a threat, it is a sentence. We do not muck around and find out in this house. Children raised in this environment will need to be sneaky, manipulative little schemers, just the way Daddy likes them.

Now, this is not to say All For One is going to tolerate the children walking all over you. You are still his spouse and this is still Japan. Respect is due to both parents and the children will know their place. As long as it doesn’t conflict with Dad For One’s orders, you are free to handle them however you wish and he will support that. However, he does find it ever so sexy when you lay down the law.

By the way, there will be no need for “the talk” in this house. Sex, pregnancy and what makes up an healthy "happy” relationship is openly and hotly debated at the dinner table. There will be no stiff upper lip in this household. There will be blood and make-up sex (his idea, not yours). As a result, Nightmare children will not be ones to hold their tongue. These kids will call it like they see it and be very confident in their assessments. Be they brash like Bakugo or calm and analytical like Asui, your children will not be shrinking violets.

Speaking of which, no matter their personalities, All For One will bring out the best in them for all the worst reasons. While these kids are not going to be coddled little emperors, their natural talents will be catered to. Daddy expects the best, but only because he knows your children can bring it. Do a good job? He will brag about them all day long and reward them will all the attention and affection they crave. Do a bad job? Well now, Daddy is very disappointed because he knows we can do better. Looks like he’ll have to call in a favor to teach a lesson. It might be a very harsh one, but Ujiko can patch most things up.

Route 2 - C: Villains are your type

Your fingers curled around his tie, tugging him down to you centimeter by centimeter. "Let's talk about these assumptions of yours."

"Oh, what assumptions are those?"

A soft tongue flicked out to wet your lips. With a hellacious grin, you whispered in his ear. "You assuming that, just because I'm such a good catch, bad boys aren’t my type." You pouted. One finger traced small circles in his chest as you peered at him from under your lashes. "What if I told you I wanted you to be bad for me? Very.” The sound of metal clinked from his belt. “Very.” A zipper rolled down. “Bad."

All For One's heart throbbed in your hands. As you slipped to the floor, a low groan poured from his throat. Long fingers traced the edge of your face as naughty grin stretched over broad teeth. "I knew I loved you."

So, that's your kink? Okay. Buckle up because the ride is going to be amazing.

Being the Demon Lord’s consort is a tough job and you are happy to do it. Sexy clothing? You’ve got it. Coy, evil grin? On it. Taunting the heroes as you languidly, stroke that spikey white hair? Yes, we do that here.

We’re back to heir and a spare in this scenario. Since All For One has you involved in his world, he’s desperately torn between keeping you knocked up and having you beside him like the moon to his sun. It’s so hard.... to keep his hands off you when you’re sitting in his lap at every meeting, but if he’s too naughty you might end up on bed rest... and not in the way he wants.

Also, I see this AFO being subby (or at least a switch) in bed. After all, you might be the only person he can truly trust and that lets him try some new things. What you may ask? Well...

All For One moaned through the silicon ball as the pad of your finger slipped over his slick slit. Broad arms flexed against the jute rope just as you pressed your lips to his throat.  

“Now, now,” you purred, nibbling at his Adam’s apple. “None of that. I’m not done with you, my naughty boy.”

Kitten licks flicked their way up his thick neck until you reached the edge of his jaw. Coyly curling your palm around his pulsing hard-on you pressed it to your soft entrance. Red eyes rolled back under white lashes as he felt the damp heat ghosting over his cock. Incoherent whimpers of wanton pleasure hummed through the gag.

“It’s only been an hour,” you teased, adding another roll of your hips. 

With a dark giggle, you pinched his pink nipple between your teeth. When he shuddered, you pressed a kiss to goose pimpled flesh. The tip of his cock throbbed against your thighs. You smirked.

“We still have a long way to go. Don’t disappoint me.”

Any girl born to this relationship will be Daddy’s evil princess. Pampered and polished into a gem of villainy, this little one will want for nothing. Daddy didn’t get a her pony for her birthday, he got her a Nomu unicorn with a horn cannon (rip Pony Tsunotori). Your daughter be well versed in poisons (he’s a traditionalist and poisons have always been a murderess’s best friend) and expected to marry someone wealthy and powerful... so that she can strangle her spouse on the wedding night and take the throne in a violent coup d'etat. After all, he can’t spoil her forever. Children need room to grow and succeed on their own.

A boy is a bit trickier. Thanks to having a younger brother, All For One knows exactly how to handle young boys. However, being old fangled, its much easier to be severe on his own gender (thank you archaic sexism) than with a girl. I expect this to go very similar to the way he taught Tomura. Training will be more rough and tumble but the rewards will be sweet. AFO would adore his son in that “go on, you’ve got it!” sort of way. These two will be up late into the night as they read The Hero of Justice manga (only to volume 3) by flashlight. You better believe you're going to have to drag him off to bed if you want your son to get enough sleep for a growing boy.

Would he ever yield power to his children? No. Never. However, having someone near or at his level would help keep him on his toes. After all, we don’t want to slack off and lose the throne to some hero. Backstabbing dear old dad is encouraged, but don’t get too cocky. The punishments may not be lethal, but they will teach a lesson well earned. 

Also... can I just say that these kids are going to think Uncle Machia is a jungle gym because that simp is going to fall hard for Master’s little crotch goblins.