#I feel like the boxes and 4th wall breaks take me out of the story too often

[hemlock-dreams]

have you drawn Wade breaking the fourth wall? bc wouldn't Wade know that Peter Parker is spiderman if he could?

love ur art btw, this AU has me obsessed

I feel like Wade's 4th wall breaking has usually been used for more comedic effect than to glean plot-critical information- otherwise he'd also know Peter's identity in the comic books.

I haven't drawn him breaking the fourth wall (as that and the boxes are not my favorite gimmick) but I have referenced him thinking things like "a group of mercs off-screen" to indicate that he's aware of the medium he's in!

[nocturius8015ficore]

**UPDATED VERSION September 21**

Nocturius: Oh? What is it? A fanfiction on tumblr, how quaint!! :O

I did that one for the 1 month anniversary of my Fi-Core facebook page. I was pleasantly surprise to have the beginning of a community and nice interactions with other -Core pages. English is my second language (after French) so I was very insecure about writing actual fanfiction but after a bit of RP with some of my followers, I decide to try it anyway. It's just fanfictions, not a 5000$ writing contest...

So, I wanted to celebrate that anniversary with my followers, the story is a little bit 4th wall-breaking meta but roughly, it's just a sweet moment between Parja and Fi.

PS: The ''comlink party'' was just a Fi-Core facebook page thingy of us sharing ''glimmik music'' posts and talking osik around it. XD

tagging: @the-rain-on-kamino (tell me folks if you want me to tag you in the next one!)

-----

Fandom: Star Wars Republic Commando books by Karen Traviss

Characters: Fi Skirata and Parja

Rating: Family-friendly ** Fairly accessible to people who don't know RepCom **

Topic: Slice of life, anxiety, romance

Pitch: Fi is missing her wife after a few weeks of busy work. He fear she might be losing interest about their relationship.

It has been weeks since Parja got back from town. She has been busy at her workshop while Fi stayed with the aliit.

‘’ I should have gone with her. ‘’ said Fi to himself.

During winter, there wasn’t a lot of back and forth between locations. Clan Skirata lived in a hidden base called Kyrimorut. This was his home now. A real home. With family and friends. Everything Fi’s ever had dreamt for.

Well, almost. Niner, Darman and Delta squad were still stuck as Imperial Commandos. Still no news of Sev.

Fi was getting nervous, Parja was about to come back in any minute. He made an effort to look his best. Freshly shaved, tooth brushed, combed his mid-long haircut. However, his nervousness turned into actual anxiety.

‘’ Fierfek…What if she is getting bored of me already? ‘’

Parja and him were married since nearly the day the Republic turned into the Empire. But he was still injured back then. Nowadays, he technically didn’t need her to nurse him anymore. Getting better gave him very mixed feelings though. She used to take care of him like a devoted mom when he was in his worst state. Unable to walk, talk nor feed himself. It wasn’t the kind of love story he had imagined for himself. He was torn between his longing for attention and his wish to be fit for her. Be seen as a real man. He didn’t want pity-love, but would have taken it anyway. Clones usually weren’t that lucky.

Then she arrived. In full Mandalorian armor like most Mandalorian women did it for traveling. Fi looked at her and didn’t even try to hide his smile.

‘’ Don’t stand like this, help me with the grocerie’s bags! ‘’ she said, mildly amused, taking off her helmet.

‘’ Yes ma’am! ‘’

He was distracted by the sight of her thick braids and the cute kama around her thighs but snapped out his mind to help her.

‘’ What have you done while I was gone? ‘’

‘’ I’m… I’ve been useless. I only wrote and shared memes on my datapad... ‘’

‘’ No need to worry about it, that’s ok. Did you have fun? Did you make any new friends? ‘’

‘’  Mhh, yes actually! ‘’ said Fi, grinning. ‘’ I didn’t expect much at first, but the Facebook Star Wars coremunity is quite nice! I met other clones, kept in touch with Atin and Scorch on their -Core-pages.  Met sweet civilians like Jack, Amanda and Lacy who liked my post daily. I even met friendly Imperials! One of them was kind enough to share a comicbook with us. Another one sent us a barrel of spotchka and did a thingy with my avatar's face and his as a token of friendship.’’

‘’ That’s great! I couldn't be there for your comlink private party you threw the other day, but I brought something for you and your friends. Look in the box.‘’

Fi looked on the table and saw a big white box which smelled very nice.

‘’…Is that what I think it is? ‘’

‘’ Yep. Uj cakes with cinnamon and honey! You may share it with all your followers and the ones who are yet to come when they read that fic.‘’

She took one of the cakes, took a bite and fed the rest playfully to her overjoyed husband. Then she kissed him on the nose.

‘’ Happy 1 month anniversary to your Fi-Core page! ‘’

He kissed her on the forehead as she hugged him. His heartbeats went even faster when he felt her fingers unstrapping his armor plates.

‘’ ...and let’s have that private party! ‘’ she whispered to his ear.''

Fi-Core/Nocturius 5th of February 2024/ updated 21 September

[sciderman]

So Cody Ziglar (who wrote Spider-Punk, Miles Morales, apparently worked on Rick and Morty, and some other Spider-Man stuff, and also She-Hulk) is gonna be writing a new Deadpool ongoing starting in April, and apparently Ellie is making a return. I am mildly interested in his run, he seems to have experience with comedy, 4th wall breaks, some dark humor. And apparently he also wrote a part of Deadpool: Seven Slaughters whitch i haven't read.

I’ll be honest chief, I never feel very optimistic about anything deadpool these days (nobody gets it) - i really wasn't into any of seven slaughters at all - just, none of it stayed in my memory at all. just revisited the story ziglar penned and it's a heap of nothing. which is a shame - i really actually like the boxes, but only when they actually... you know, contribute something interesting. in this story, yeah, it's just a "haha remember the boxes? lets bring them back" thing for no reason at all. no introspection, no sir. that's what the boxes are there for! for introspection! not just a secondary voice to kill the joke by repeating it.

what is the point of this. is it funny because you said it twice? put some effort into it, my god.

i'm probably in the minority of people who'd love to see the boxes come back. i feel like wade's significantly more boring without them. and the worst thing wade wilson could be is boring. but i've seen SO much boring deadpool. and seven slaughters – seven slaughters was absolutely boring. to me, at least.

i wish they'd make a bad deadpool book. so at least i could be mad about it. but it's just been forgettable story after forgettable story - and wade deserves better than a story that i forget immediately after reading it. and it's awful how many deadpool books i've seen of late where just - none of the jokes land for me. for a deadpool book to be boring AND unfunny? crimes. crimes of the highest order.

dear GOD am I starved for a good deadpool book. I didn’t even dig deadpool loves the marvel universe (written by my beloved nicieza) so I don’t know what’s wrong with me. im constantly expecting some Amazing deadpool content to come from somewhere but I Know that 90% of deadpool content disappoints me.

i think you can't be a deadpool fan and expect good deadpool content. it just doesn't happen. good deadpool content is actually so freaking rare. always just have to make compromises. i take the few little slivers of goodness and make what i can out of it. i'm fighting for scraps in this barren deadpool wasteland.

can't believe i'm about to say that i miss duggan. sure his wade wilson was painfully heterosexual but at least we had introspective, human moments with him. it wasn't all stupid forgettable plot you don't actually care about and jokes that don't land. a lot of it was wade trying to figure it out. and that's kind of what i'm interested to see, from wade. i hope marvel figures that out. but i've kind of abandoned all hope of any good solo spider-man or deadpool content to come out of marvel any time soon. i think the only good deadpool or spider-man content we ever hope to get is when they're jumping into other books.

[tarosin]

The great adventures of y/n tommy tubbo and ranboo - the best mcc team

this is an extra to the great adventures series

the moment you found out ranboo got into mcc you instantly ran into the room you were sharing pulling him into a hug you were honestly so proud of him and he was going to be with tubbo

“BOO I'M SO PROUD OF YOU YOU'RE GOING TO DO AMAZING”

unfortunately, you weren’t going to be in mcc this month but that didn’t stop you from being over the moon for your friend. when it was finally time for mcc you wished your friend good luck and apologised for not being able to watch his pov as you weren’t about to break the tradition of watching Tommy after all he was your first and biggest supporter. 3 hours later the event ended and everyone who was watching ranboos pov heard you faintly screaming at Tommy over discord whilst tubbo sat laughing and ranboo was concerned, he heard from Tommy that you would often yell at him however he didn’t believe that he was being honest

“FUCK YOU TOMMY STOP LAUGHING YOU HIT ME IN TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE ON PURPOSE THEN LAUGHED ABOUT ME NOT BEING IN…..fine when I get in I’m requesting to be on Scott's team…I’m still mad at you but you did great I'm so proud of you congrats Tommy I’ll see you soon goodbye”

at the start of the next month, you received a message from Scott

Scott: so I have a few things to tell you 1 - how would you feel about becoming head twitch mod it’s only fair you’ve been my mod for a while and 2 - welcome to mcc make sure to fill in the form asap!

y/n: 1 - of course I’d love to be head twitch mod and 2 - heh??

not long later you received a form at the same time as your friends, you decided not to tell anyone and somehow you managed to keep it a secret, Scott agreed to lie to the others about whos team they’re on as he knew how excited everyone was going to be. today was the day your big secret would be released, you Tommy tubbo and ranboo were sat outside when the notification went out announcing the team honestly you’ll never forget the look on their faces when they realised

MCChampionship_ tweeted: 👑announcing team green guardians 👑

@tommyinnit @tubbolive @ranboosaysstuff @y/n

Watch them in MCC on Saturday, August 28th at 8 pm BST!

“Y/N WHAT THE FUCK”

“congrats y/n”

ranboo didn’t say anything he just tackled you into a hug like you did last month when you found he was in mcc. Tommy and tubbo were still processing what they just read

“Scott fucking lied to me”

“aye I told him to”

“what the fuck”

from then the four of you would constantly stream with each other on the mcc training server, you were a strong team when you weren’t yelling at each other.

time flew by soon enough it was the 28th of August. Tommy genuinely couldn’t believe it his best friend was in mcc and on a team with him and he genuinely believed you all had a decent chance in winning as you were a strong team. Tommy invited you over to stream mcc he claimed it was because there would be three people trying to stream in the same room, in reality, it was because he wanted to see your reaction and be there for your first mcc.

Tommy let you stream from his room he had spent the previous night getting advice from tubbo on how he managed to set up so he could stream with ranboo in the same room.

“you ready y/n”

“of course I’ve been watching and learning from the best”

you and Tommy set up and joined the discord call and the mcc server, it was finally time. similarly to ranboo this was something you had wanted to do since Tommy told you all about it on your way home from school one day. 30 minutes later it was time for the games to begin and this is where the chaos began.

“you know what I hope it’s build mart”

“what the fuck y/n”

“fuck you I’m good at build mart- oh you’re joking it’s fucking parkour tag”

this is when you realised that two screaming teenagers in the same room both trying to stream the event wasn’t the best idea, you and Tommy would constantly scream at poor ranboo who was just trying to hunt the other team

“RANBOO CATCH THEM”

“really y/n?! I thought I’d let them win this round”

unsurprisingly your team was doing great you had won 7/8 rounds but there was still one more round, determined to be the one to get dream you decided to be the hunter

“y/n don’t worry if you can’t get them we’re doing well”

“Y/N IGNORE RANBOO ME AND TOMMY DON'T WANT TO LOSE”

“not putting pressure on me at all thank you boys”

being close friends with technoblade gave you an advantage you didn’t expect due to the fact he helped to “train” you for your first mcc which ended up being the reason you were able to catch them all and then helped the others avoid being caught

“tubbo he's to your left TUBBO I SAID HES TO YOUR LEFT WHY ARE YOU GOING LEFT TOMMY RUN RUN RUN RUN ranboo you’re doing great”

“NO WAY”

you had just successfully won the round against dream sapnap George and quackity and you would never let dream live this down

“do you guys think dream will let me be in one of his manhunts now”

“no”

“fuck you tubbo you’re just mad you couldn’t catch all the runners in yellow yaks. you couldn’t catch jack manifold”

so far everything was going well you were currently in 4th place and your team had high hopes. you all felt the need to confirm to your chats that you’re all not actually mad at each other and not to worry about everything.

the next game was survival games ranboo wasn’t ready for this due to the last mcc where he died pretty early on, it started well you all stuck together as a team until the game was nearly over and you got distracted by a chest and ran away from the others whilst they were fighting another team this ended up being a happy accident in disguise you got the notification that Tommy tubbo and ranboo were killed fighting another team

“oh fuck”

“WE COULD HAVE WON WAIT Y/N DID YOU DIE”

“no”

tubbo could practically hear your smile as you explained to them that you ran off and was currently under a tree watching the others fight, you used the fact they died in the game to your advantage they would tell you if anyone was coming to attack you whilst you ran around collecting loot avoiding the others shooting arrows

“AYO STOP FUCKING SHOOTING ME ITS MY FIRST MCC LET ME WIN”

“Y/N HAVE YOU GOT LAVA”

“I DO AAAAAA PISS OFF LET ME WIN”

“USE THE LAVA YOU CAN EASILY TAKE OUT HALF OF THE REMAINING PLAYERS”

to everyone’s surprise, it worked due to the border being smaller so there was less room to run soon it was you vs punz at this point you were determined to win

“GO Y/N GO GO GO HIT HIM YOU CAN DO IT”

“you’re doing so well y/n”

some may call it beginners luck but you ended up winning the fight against punz

“LETS FUCKING GO Y/N”

“I DID IT OH MY GOD”

the next game was hole in the wall and long story short you sucked, ranboo on the other hand did not. it didn’t take long for you to fall every single round. this helped the others though as you were able to yell which side the wall was coming from

“fuck this stupid game the wall hates me”

“y/n you're supposed to jump through the gaps“

“you know what no I’m going to get on a sapnap alt stream by glitching through”

this didn’t work you died again

“well fuck there I go I guess you’ve got this though guys Tommy you’re doing decent”

“I'm doing great thank you- oh I died FUCK YOU FOR DISTRACTING ME”

“blah blah blah GO TUBBO AND RANBOO”

you couldn’t believe it ranboo was one of the final people remaining, unfortunately, ranboo jumped too late resulting in him falling but nonetheless you were proud of him

“unlucky boo you all did great”

the next game was battle box the four of you had been practising this a lot so there was a lot of pressure to do well especially since you were now in the top 3 on the leaderboard, the strategies you made from practicing paid off you managed to win the majority of the rounds, however, there was a lot of screaming and arguing during the last round

“RANBOO STOP STEALING MY KILLS OR I'M GOING TO START HITTING YOU WITH A SWORD”

“he’s been stealing mine too y/n”

tubbo was honestly playing well during this game and you were amazed

unfortunately, the arguing resulted in you losing the round as you were all focusing on arguing which meant you missed the other team rushing to wool

“unlucky boys”

“7 wins out of 9 rounds honestly isn’t that bad we should still be third we just need to stay strong with the rest of the games”

during the break before the last four games, the four of you sat making plans for the next few round

“I want to get to the other side last I think that will be our strength”

there was still a rather long break left so you did what anyone else would do run around the server and yell this was a huge mistake as it messed with the soundproofing resulting in tommys mic picking you up and vice versa

“so I guess we’re streaming like this now”

“FIX IT”

“well since you asked so nicely tubso…no”

tubbo ended up doing the same to the soundproofing in the room he was in with ranboo were in meaning all four of you were now having a scuffed stream as you ran out of time to fix it because before you knew it, it was time to play sky battle

“right we should go left”

“tubbo will get iron Tommy will make the bridge and y/n will do…something”

you did the same thing techno did in the pride mcc and hid occasionally breaking blocks from underneath people so they would fall the others were doing well the game was a mixture of you all encouraging each other and you all cursing each other out whilst ranboo ignored you all and spoke to his chat

“chat I know you can hear double everyone if I could fix it I would but tubbo y/n and Tommy are being too stubborn to fix everything and we don’t have time”

“Y/N WHERE ARE YOU”

“making people fall to their death can we talk about our feelings now because this is stressful as hell”

“NOT THE TIME”

you all did decently you weren’t amazing at this game but that was expected it was something you all weren’t the biggest fan of but somehow you were all still in third place and that was something you weren’t expecting especially for your first mcc

it was now time for sands of time you all needed to do well

“bruh I wanted build mart what the fuck is this”

“we’re not going to win this game boys”

and tubbo would be corrected that that statement, you ended up having a visual glitch making it difficult, Tommy would constantly get trapped in a dungeon like last time things weren’t loading for ranboo you had no idea what tubbo was doing and quite frankly you didn’t want to find out unless it was going to be good news and considering all you could hear was tubbo yelling anything that came to mind you could guess it wasn’t going well. you tried to rage quit a couple of times only to be yelled at by the others every time you disconnected from the server

“Y/N STOP LEAVING”

“I CAN'T SEE SHIT”

“you’re doing well y/n stay calm we’re going to be fine”

“OH I CAN'T PLAY THIS GAME I'M DYSLEXIC”

“CLEARLY WE'RE NOT FINE TUBBO IS STRUGGLING TOMMY IS LOCKED IN A DUNGEON AND I CAN'T SEE SHIT...HAVE YOU GOT THE LETTER N YET”

“no, they’re spawning one in for me”

“could them maybe I don’t know speed up the process”

yeah you ended up losing that game and got knocked down the 4th good news is it was only by a couple hundred points

next up was ace race

“do yous reckon Scott's tested this map”

“aren’t you his head twitch mod”

“you’re right I'll message him and find out”

luckily you all managed to do pretty well, Tommy was off to a great start you tubbo and ranboo weren’t far behind you all agreed to follow each other rather than the crowd which paid off as when everyone else went the wrong way rather than following you all managed to go the right way thanks to ranboo yelling he thinks that he knows where to go and thankfully he was correct which put Tommy first tubbo second ranboo third and you fourth, you all ended up lapping people on your final lap and honestly, none of you guessed this would happen but you weren’t exactly complaining. a few moments later you all crossed the finishing line and were the first team to finish giving you the bonus points you needed to push you to second place

“did you know since I first got into mcc I would put y/ns name down for who I wanted to play with”

“TOMMY OH MY GODDDD”

a few seconds later you showed up on Tommy's face cam as you ran over to him giving him a hug

“you’re doing great y/n we might get into dodgebolt”

“dude we’re winning this shit”

soon enough it was time for the last game (unless you got into dodgebolt) and luckily it was to get to the other side

“we've got this we have actually got this we’re going to get to dodgebolt”

you stuck with Tommy for almost every round mainly because speed bridging wasn’t for you. you were all doing great you were the first team to finish for multiple rounds however you were also the last team to finish for a few rounds

“boys I'm not sure if we’ll get through”

“We all had fun”

“if we get into dodgebolt we’re going to be against dream”

“WILL YOU ALL FUCKING FOCUS”

“no- OW TOMMY HIT ME WITH A PEN”

“IT WAS THE CLOSEST THING WOULD YOU RATHER I CHUCK MY COMPUTER MOUSE”

“will you two quit fighting we’re about to find out the final scores.”

3..2..1

“oh my god”

“what the fuck”

“ranboo and y/n are about to play dodgebolt”

“LETS GO WHAT THE FUCK”

you all did it you successfully kept 2nd place somehow now all you had to do was win dodgebolt against dream George sapnap and quackity. safe to say you and ranboo were nervous as fuck and rightfully so as you all lost the first game

“let’s be serious we need to focus now”

you all won the next round

“LETS FUCKING GO WE'VE GOT THIS”

it was now the third round Tommy and tubbo were now out it was you and ranboo against dream and sapnap

“bruh were fucked ranboo”

ranboo took aim and somehow hit sapnap whilst you took a moment to type a message in chat

y/n: it’s my first mcc how do you feel knowing you’re about to lose

it was now your turn to take aim and Tommy yelling in the background wasn’t helping you and the yelling made you shoot before you were ready luckily ranboo picked up an arrow and was able to hit dream, it was now 1 vs 2 if you won this round you would all be the champions and that’s exactly what happened you all quit yelling at each other hell you muted the discord call so you could focus all you could hear was Tommy next to you occasionally supporting you

“come on y/n final round. you’re about to win your first mcc I’m so proud of you”

“you’re doing amazing Tommy thank you for everything now let’s win this thing”

and just like that, it was over Tommy took the final shot and hit sapnap

you all unmuted the four of you yelling

“TOMMY TUBBO RANBOO I'M SO PROUD OF YOU GUYS”

“WE DID IT WE FUCKING DID IT”

“OH MY GOD”

“WELL DONE EVERYONE”

this time Tommy ran over to you pulling you into a hug he was genuinely so proud of you and the others

“you did it y/n you won your first mcc that’s amazing”

“I couldn’t have done it without you or the others I love you all”

after talking to the other teams and ending stream

you and Tommy stayed on call with tubbo and ranboo

“you two need to make your way back here”

“me and y/n could probably catch a train if we’re very quick”

you nodded and quickly grabbed everything you needed thankfully your good luck hadn’t come to an end yet as you and Tommy were able to catch one of the last trains, Tommy had an arm around you as he noticed you were getting tired after all you did just go through the stress of your first mcc to over 170k viewers you ended up falling asleep on his shoulder a few hours passed and you were at the last stop Tommy lightly tapped your shoulder

“hey y/n were here tubbo and ranboo are waiting for us over there…let’s go celebrate this win shall we”

an: do not publish my work :)

taglist:

@emma0nline @fuzzycloudsz @wtfwriter @bearytime @milkydisaster @dumb-chaotic-bi-energy @uselesssapphickitten @l0ver0fj0y @etheriaaly @xx-smiley-xx @hawarun @kylobensgirl @cawcaw-pretty-thing @reverse-iak @renleicrashed @augustine-is-joy @c1loudee

[genevievemd]

Evidence

January 4, 2021

Book: Open Heart Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Genevieve McClure) Word Count: 1772 Rating: G Category: fluff Trope(s): and there’s a birthday

Summary: Though he’s asked her not to mention it, Genevieve insists on celebrating his 39th birthday -- even if it’s just for a moment. 

Warnings: none

A/N: My plan was to have this done for the 4th, but school and other things got int the way -- so it’s late. But it’s fine. Fun fact - this takes place on day 2 of 101 Smiles! And 4 days after Resolutions! Because, again, I seem to only write things in this universe -- which, honestly, I really enjoy because I feel like I’m expanding on their story, you know? Filling in the gaps and shit. 

Also a late submission for @choicesjanuarychallenge2022​ Day 8: Photos

He can feel her eyes on his back, as he washes their plates from dinner. Something he’s always been able to do. Long before they had started dating, the moment Genevieve entered a room or looked at him when he was desperately trying to keep from staring at her, Ethan could feel it. Like the warm sun rays of spring, thawing anything still frozen and cold. 

She melted his heart with that gaze, those green eyes of hers, disarming him. Tearing down every wall he’d ever erected.

And on most days, he embraces his new freedom with her, but not today. Today, he wants to run from her dazzling smile and sunny disposition. Escape into the shadows until the day is over. 

But he didn’t, because they have a rule. Simple though it may be. 

No hiding, no secrets, no running. 

Honest and open with each other no matter what. 

So, Ethan invited her over for dinner, held onto her – both physically and mentally – as tight as he could, buried the overwhelming urge to hide under the security of their relationship.

“Babe?” Gen’s voice breaks through the silence, like a calming wind at the end of a storm. 

“What is it, G?” He keeps himself busy in the muck and grime of their dishes, rinsing and placing them in the dishwasher with delicate precision. 

“I know I promised not to mention that today is your birthday —“ 

“Like you have since your intern year.” 

“— but seeing as how I’m your girlfriend now, I feel like I can’t just ignore it.” 

“You can.” 

“Ethan.” 

“Genevieve.” He turns around from the sink, eyebrow raised and voice deep with barely concealed emotion. “Can I win this one?” 

“No, because I already got you something.” She pulls a present out from the empty seat beside her. A rectangle box wrapped in blue paper and Happy Birthday sprawled across the top. 

“I told you, birthdays are —“ 

“Unnecessary, I know.” She smiles sweetly, rising from her stool to walk around the counter. “And I also know today is hard for you, and I’m not trying to take away from whatever it is you're feeling, but…”

Gen bites her lip, pausing to search for the rest of her thought. For a brief moment, Ethan thinks she’s about to finally take them out of emotional limbo, save them from the amount of pressure they’ve both seemed to place on one simple phrase. 

But she doesn’t, sighing deeply with a gentle hand on his arm before continuing. Sweeping whatever her original thought was back under the rug. 

“But, you are dating the self-proclaimed birthday enthusiast. It’s not in my nature to ignore birthdays.” 

“Mine you can, believe me. It’s just… a day.” He leans against the sink, grabbing the dish towel to wipe his hands. 

“To me, it isn’t. It’s my favorite day because it gave me you.” Genevieve moves until she’s standing in front of him, hands on his crossed arms. Unknowingly, quelling the urge he still has to run. “I promise, I won’t sing or make you blow out candles, it’s just a gift. My way of bringing you some happiness on an otherwise unpleasant day.” 

“Fine.” Ethan reaches for the gift still on the island behind her. “And for the record, Rookie, you bring me happiness just by being around.” 

“Good to know.” 

He tears at the paper, feeling her eyes on him still. He doesn’t have to look to know she’s biting her lip again, the nerves she’s feeling radiating off her in waves. 

Ethan doesn’t turn his gaze to her until he pulls back the tissue paper, eyebrow raised as a finger picks up the strap of a red lace teddy. “So this is one of those,’ it’s for me but it’s really for you’ gifts?” 

“Yes and no, you’ll enjoy that more than me, let's be honest.” She smiles, taking the lingerie and the top of the gift box from his hand, and placing them on the counter. “There’s something else.” 

He looks down at the box, pulling back the tissue paper with a quiet laugh. “Hiding the sentimental under the salacious?” 

“Just keeping you on your toes.” 

He hums, lifting the frame and tossing the now empty box onto his other gift. “There’s no photo.” 

“Actually, it’s a digital frame. Just press this button on the back to turn it on.” 

She presses the aforementioned button, the screen lighting up and revealing a photo of the two of them in Miami from her intern year. 

His heart swells at the image in front of him, the smile on her face prettier than the setting sun behind them. It was taken mere hours before that fateful kiss, one of their last moments as just an intern and an attending. 

“It’s the first photo we ever took together. I put a bunch in here, see…” 

The picture changes to one of them together from her second year, a week after the attack. She had stayed with him after the funeral, three weeks of seclusion in this very apartment. Learning more about each other than they ever thought they’d know. Sharing every terrible and painful detail, every moment of happiness. Making good on their promises to no longer hide from their feelings. 

The image in front of him now, was from one of the rare times they’d left their shelter, taking a walk by the river hand in hand. Halfway through, it had begun to snow, and Gen had all but begged him to take a selfie. 

The second photo of them together.

“There’s one from our trip to Dagger Mountain with the team, the one we took in your room, and the gala photo and then a bunch of ones we took over the summer, after we became official af.” 

“AF?” He turns to look at her, confusion marking his face. 

“As fuck.” 

“Right.” 

Gen steps closer, as impossible as it may be, hanging onto his arm, chin resting on his bicep. Without her heels on, the top of her head just meets his shoulder, making their height difference even more noticeable. 

It still amazes him that someone so small can be filled with so much empathy and light. So much courage and fire. A tiny hurricane that swept through his life, changed him on a molecular level. 

She’s changed the way he sees the world, taught him how to forgive. Even when it’s the last thing he wants to do. 

“And then I also put some from this past weekend in Montauk. It’s our whole journey together told through photos.” Gen looks up at him,breathtaking smile still on her face. “I remember you saying you wished you had a picture of us to put on your desk at work, and now you do. Ten of them, actually. And if we’re still together, you can add more as the years go by or whatever…” 

“If?” 

“I don’t want to presume, I still have boards to take and all that. I just meant —“ 

Ethan puts the frame down, taking her in his arms, cutting off her words with a searing kiss. 

When the need for air becomes too much, he pulls away. But keeps her close with his arms wrapped tightly around her waist.“You and I will be together for my next thirty-nine birthdays, that I can promise you.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah.” He leans down, brushing his lips softly against hers, as if to seal his vow with a kiss. “Thank you for the frame, it’s perfect.” 

“You’re welcome. I just wanted to make sure you had something nice today.”

“You’re amazing.” 

“I’m alright.” Gen reaches up, cupping his cheek. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to, but if you want to talk about today and your mom, I’ll listen. Whatever it is.” 

“I know, but there’s not much else to say. Today’s my birthday and tomorrow’s the day she left. End of story.” 

“Did she at least call you today?” 

“No. I haven’t heard from her in months.” He can feel his throat tightening with emotion, like he’s being pulled back twenty-eight years and watching Louise walk out the door again. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be.” Ethan clears his throat, taking a deep breath. “I have you.” 

“Always.” 

He kisses her again, tears forming behind his closed eyes when Gen places a hand over his heart. As if to safeguard it from the pain of the day. 

“Now, how about you let me enjoy the other part of my gift,” Ethan pulls away, reaching for the lingerie still on the counter. Determined to forget about everything but the beautiful woman in his arms. “And go put this on while I finish the dishes.” 

“So demanding.” Gen giggles, taking the delicate lace from his hands. 

“It’s my birthday, Rookie, I get whatever I want.” 

“I’ll be right back then.” 

He watches her leave and head towards the bedroom, those three words swimming around in his head again. 

If there was ever a moment to tell her, it’s this one. With the evidence of their love in a frame and his heart resting safely in her hands. Protected and cherished, like the most precious jewel. 

“Genevieve.” Ethan calls after her, heartbeat in his ears as she turns around, offering the softest smile. “I —” 

The rest of his sentence gets caught in his throat, the words he desperately wants to say disappearing from his extensive vocabulary. 

He shouldn’t be afraid to tell her, to solidify his feelings with words. It’s the truth, and would always be the truth. 

He loves her, completely. With every fiber of his being. 

“Ethan?” 

“Thank you, again, for the frame.” He throws it in a rush, the tips of his ears hot. 

“You’re welcome.” She smiles, walking back to him with a look in her eyes, like she understands what he was too afraid to say. Happy to be as patient as she needs to be for him to be ready to say what they both know. 

Genevieve kisses his cheek, then pulls away. Walking back towards his bedroom, winking at him before closing the door. 

Ethan looks down at the frame, the photos still fading from one to another. As he watches, he sees the difference in their smiles, the nervousness dissolve into security. But the one thing that stays the same, is the look in their eyes. Through every phase of their relationship, the love they share is there, sitting behind blue and green. 

They may not be able to voice it just yet, but the proof was right there in a frame. 

A love that will last a lifetime.

A/N: Don’t be mad, they say it 24 days after this night. 

Although, I’m thinking about rewriting their ILY, because I feel like it doesn’t match up now that I’ve been working on stuff from before the AU starts. IDK, we’ll see I guess

Also raise your hand if you also hate Louise Ramsey ✋🏻

(tagging seperately)

[romewritingshop]

I’m a Dad

Fandom: Choices, Open Heart, AU

Relationship: Dr. Ethan Ramsey X F!MC (Name: Alyssa Brooks)

Warnings: Fluff, slight angst, mentions of birth complications, Alan is okay no need to panic 😅, anxieties of fatherhood, slight injury (nothing gruesome).

Rating: 12+ Word Count Total: 3209

AN: This is a birthday commission for @tsrookie who wanted a fic of dad!Ethan. I hope this is what you wanted and enjoy. The song that inspired this was Michele Morrone’s Dad (Accoustic Version):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2cDNO--sPgE

I wanted to portray the significance of Alan in Ethan and Alyssa’s lives. It was emotional writing this 🥺.

Rome’s Birthday Celebration Masterlist 2021

CHOICES MASTERLIST

Tagged: @eleanorbloom @juliafranquet @me-and-my-choices @drethanramslay @choicesficwriterscreations @queencarb @miss-smrxtiee @melaninnntae @they-callme-ami @openheartfanfics @mvalentine @starrystarrytrouble @drariellevalentine @nikki-2406 @caseyvalentineramsey @kiara-36 @choicesreal @sophxwithers @brightningstar @tsrookie @gryffindordaughterofathena @arnikki-2406 @mercury84choices ​@theinvisibledreamergirl @stygianflood @ethansramsey

A blissful silence settled in the room as Ethan tossed his house keys onto the kitchen countertop. Flicking the switches as the lights turned on in his house. A large suburban white painted house that he and Alyssa bought a few years ago. Ethan’s eyes wandered around the living room, taking in the quiet. Alyssa wasn’t home yet which gave Ethan the time to head to his study. Clambering up the stairs and going to the first door on his left, a spacious room with forest green walls. A metal case of shelves with wooden baskets filled with stationary, was diagonally placed in the corner to the door. Directly opposite the door was a mahogany table with a cushioned wheeled office chair.

To the left of the door, was a red and green small plastic table and bench. Crayons and pencils were scattered on the table and floor, there were sheets of coloured papers with indiscernible scribbles. The furrow in Ethan’s eyebrows relaxed as he slipped off his black cashmere jacket and hung it on a hook to the left of him. Crouching by the small kids table and glanced at the drawings, noting the curved shapes to be attempts at writing. Writing what exactly? He wasn’t too sure. 

Nathan and Savannah were the smartest kids he knew. Why wouldn’t they be though, since their parents were the acclaimed doctors of Bloom Edenbrook’s diagnostics team. Ethan put their drawings in a woven basket which had a label of ‘kids’, he held onto all the crayons and pencils and placed them in their respective labelled pots. Placing the pots in their woven basket and placing their basket on top of the shelf unit. Alyssa probably didn’t have time to tidy up their mess because they were spending the afternoon and evening with Alyssa’s friends.

Maybe now was a good time to get started on his project as he pulled out a basket and took out a few sheets of thick matte paper and an envelope. Bringing them over to his desk and seating himself, opening a drawer in his desk. He took out a few ink pens and placed the pens next to his paper, his eyes darted to the wooden picture frame of Alyssa and their three kids: Allison, Nathan and Savannah. He still couldn’t believe that he was theirs, and they were his. It was only yesterday, when he and Alyssa were in the reception, treating for a thoracotomy and now they had a house and kids.

Ethan knew what he had to do as soon as he brought his pen to the paper, the words flew right through him as he wrote. The memories of his kids flooding his brain with a warm familiar glow.

~~~~~~

“Out of the way!”

Ethan rushed down the stairs, shoving past nurses and doctors before slamming the corridor door open to the maternity ward. Sienna was hot on his heels as he growled and grimaced at people, his eyes went to the pager as a message from Naveen popped up. ‘4cm dilated’. Ethan was close as he weaved through a never ending maze of Edenbrook’s corridors. In the distance he spotted Naveen, his dad Alan, and his daughter Allison were looking into the window of one of the maternity rooms.

“Ethan! There you are!”

“Daddy!”

His crinkled grumpy face relaxed at the sight of Allison. Five years old with a knack for mischief and a carbon copy of himself. She had his eyes and ears but Alyssa’s nose, lips and hair. Alan was taking care of Allison while Ethan and his wife were working, however, Alyssa’s contraction pains strengthened and her constant lavatory needs indicated that she needed to be checked in. Naveen came up to stand beside Ethan; who took Allison into his arms.

“Naveen, how is she?”

“Well the contractions are hurting and I have a feeling the babies are coming now. Dr. Delarosa is in there with her. Are you ready Ethan?”

Ethan gave a nod as he turned to Allison, a calm gentle smile reserved for her.

“Time to get your new siblings. You okay to wait here with Uncle Naveen and Grandpa?”

“Yeah! Uncle Naveen is buying me chocolate!”

Ethan quirked a brow at his mentor, who in return stuck with a confident grin before Ethan placed Allison down. Naveen clasped his hand around her tiny hand and led her to the staff break room, whilst listening to her ramblings about her new siblings. Ethan took a deep breath as Alan stepped up to rest his hand on his shoulder.

“I’m proud of you, son.”

Ethan smiled and was about to step into the room, when something held him still. His buried nerves leaked through his wall as memories of Dolores seeped to his front. Alyssa was pregnant with twins, that alone carried several complications in terms of the positioning of the babies, possible post partum haemorrhage. On top of that she was one week late, twins born post due date carry risks to the mother and the babies.

A flash of baby Ethan in the NICU drained the warmth from his face and he felt like he was drowning. He couldn’t breathe as he pressed a hand against the door ledge, bowing his head as Alan stood beside him. Alan could tell Ethan was panicking. His shoulders shook as Alan gently probed.

“Ethan?”

“What if something happens?”

“Boston’s famous doctor is worried about a twin birth? Ethan, you’ve done this before. You know what to do.”

“It’s different. Alyssa is in there. She’s the patient. What if I can’t make the right decision?”

“Ethan Jonah Ramsey. You are a diagnostician. A famous one at that. You look at the possibilities before you make your decision. You have it in you son. Plus she’s a fighter. She won’t back down. But she needs you. Be brave and if you can’t be brave, be brave for her. She needs your support.”

His father’s words felt like a warm wash of life as he inhaled the air, exhaling his anxieties and giving a steady nod. Ethan smiled at his father before pushing open the door to step into the room, stepping into action to help make Alyssa’s labour as easy as possible.

~~~~~~

“Daddy! When is Twilight Sparkle coming?”

“In a bit. If you finish your lunch, then she’ll come.”

“Daddy! Will she bring a lot of presents for us?”

“An average amount, Nathan.”

Ethan pinched the bridge of his nose as he watched over the several little kids munching on their mini pizza slices and tater tots. It was the twins’ birthday today and the two of them invited their whole class to celebrate, the sun was shining as the kids sat on picnic blankets. The Ramseys’ had a spacious garden which could hold for nearly twenty five kids and several adults. Bryce, Jackie and Elijah were keeping an eye on the kids as Ethan slipped away to the kitchen where Alyssa was sat on a breakfast stool with her foot in Sienna’s lap. Aurora was beside them as she carefully tapped a finger against the swollen skin near her ankle. Jenner paced on his paws with nervous energy as he whined at his mom, Alyssa.

“Alyssa has sprained her ankle … Ethan.”

The friends still had a difficult time addressing Ethan by his first name but he paid no heed to it as Alyssa tried to come off the stool, trying to brush off the pain.

“It’s nothing, I’m sure I’ll be fine as long as I don’t walk on it.”

Ethan sighed rather exasperatedly as he folded his arms at his wife. That motion alone made Alyssa meekly smile and remain in her seat. Aurora handed her a cool pack for Alyssa to use for her sprain. She knew that she needed to rest her ankle but the twins would be so upset.

“Fine. But how are we going to solve the entertainment issue?”

At that moment the front door opened and closed as Alan strode in with a confident excited gait. He had a white cardboard box in his hands as he hummed and placed the box on the table, unveiling it to reveal a My Little Pony cake with ‘Happy 4th Birthday! Nathan and Savannah’. Alan’s brows sagged at the sight of his daughter-in-law.

“What happened?”

“I … fell.”

Ethan resorted to pinching the bridge of his nose before explaining the story. The children were showing off dance moves and there was a little girl who was showing off her gymnastics ability. Alyssa thought she could show off her talent by demonstrating a cartwheel, unfortunately her cartwheel was aimed the wrong way and Alyssa landed awkwardly in a bush with her legs askew. Alan smiled at Alyssa as he realised that there was an issue of entertainment since Alyssa was planning to dress up as the kids’ favourite character, Twilight Sparkle.

“I guess that means Alyssa can’t be Twilight Sparkle.”

Sienna gave a nod and spoke up.

“Aurora, Jackie and I would do it but I don’t think there’s enough time for any of us to learn everything about My Little Pony. The kids are gonna see right through us.”

“It’s a conundrum.”

Everyone took a moment to think before Alan’s eyes twinkled with an idea.

“I have an idea. Sienna, start watching some My Little Pony, I’ll stall the kids. ‘Lyssa, where did you keep your guitar?”

Alyssa’s eyes twinkled as she informed Alan of the guitar, to which Aurora ran up to search for it. It seemed everyone knew what to do, everyone except for Ethan, who placed his hands on his hips, turning to his father.

“Would you mind clueing me into your plan?”

“A little singing will have the kids distracted while Aurora, Alyssa and Sienna get ready. The kids will love it!”

At that moment, Bryce popped his head through the glass garden doors, there’s a slight line of sweat near the crown of his neck as he nervously glances back.

“The kids are going rabid if Twilight Sparkle doesn’t come in the next five minutes.”

Aurora rushed back down and handed Alan a brown varnished acoustic guitar, a gift from Alyssa’s patient Remy. Alan hung the strap over his shoulder and strutted outside to where all the kids shrieked and yelled.

“Okay kids! Who’s gonna sing the My Little Pony theme song?”

Ethan went out and noticed all the kids sitting at their picnic blankets, bopping and singing while Alan strummed the tune of the My Little Pony theme song. Ethan and Rafael took the time to begin cleaning up the rubbish whilst Bryce, Elijah and Jackie kept an eye out for Sienna, Aurora and Alyssa. All the kids and the twins were enraptured, even Jenner was happily panting to the music. Alan was going through a list of songs going from the My Little Pony Theme Song, to the lime and coconut song and to  the rhinestone cowboy.Not long after, Alan got a thumbs up from Bryce and Jackie to which Alan smiled and announced.

“Now children! There is someone who’d like to wish two special children a Happy Birthday!”

Nathan and Savannah jumped up with excited shrieks as Alan strummed the music of the theme song and out came Twilight Sparkle. It was Sienna donning a purple sparkly dress, wings protruding from the back and a dark wig flowing off her shoulders. Her unicorn headband was fixed into the wig and her purple make-up shone in the sun as Sienna skipped towards the kids, tossing bounds of glitter.

Aurora and Jackie were helping Alyssa settle on a deck chair as the twins hugged and cried at the fact that Twilight Sparkle had come to their party. Ethan and Alyssa sent a thankful smile as Alan returned their smile, everyone’s faces warming at the twin’s excitement.

~~~~~~

Ethan used the back of his hand to wipe off the sweat on his brow as he pushed the front door of his apartment open. Baby Allison happily chewed on her yellow teether while bouncing in the baby sling, strapped across Ethan’s chest. Alyssa was working at the hospital after spending four months at home and it was Ethan’s turn to stay home with Allison. He was glad he opted for a loose linen shirt and khaki trousers as the Boston heat was slowly racking up. Ethan had gone out to buy some ingredients for their dinner: stir fried tofu and broccoli. 

Alyssa would need some good comfort food after going back to work and he knew that Chinese would delight her. He unclipped one arm strap, pressing a palm to hold up Allison before unclipping the other to carry his daughter to her high chair in the kitchen. Allison was teething so he handed her a teething ring to help Allison improve motor skills. His daughter smiled and babbled at the sight of her dad as Ethan pressed a kiss onto his daughter’s forehead.

Allison was a daddy’s girl since she would whine and cry with Alyssa, but when it came to Ethan, Allison babbled and laughed. Alyssa was sure that she would say ‘Dada’. Ethan grinned as Jenner padded into the kitchen, bringing himself up to stand on his hind legs beside Allison. The dog was protective and loving to Allison as she tried to swat at Jenner’s nose.

“Jenner, keep an eye on her.”

Jenner barked as Ethan began taking out utensils and the shopping to get started. Draining the water from the tofu and breaking up the broccoli into florets. Every so often, his eyes would wander to his little girl on the high chair. Ethan still couldn’t believe the fact that he was a father. A living breathing child was in his care, one he made with the woman he loved as his eyes glistened at the memories of her birth. Despite expecting for children to not be in the cards for him, life had a way of telling him that it was always the case.

As Ethan stared longingly at his daughter, Jenner could smell something faintly burning; turning his head to hear a loud crackle and pop. Jenner barked furiously which had Ethan snap out and realise the onions and garlic had burnt in the wok, the broccoli was charred beyond recognition as Ethan turned off the induction hob. The loud barks caused Allison to startle and little beads of tears streamed down her face.

His heart lurched as he immediately stalked to his daughter to take her in his arms and get her to settle down. It was the first time in a long time that Ethan burnt dinner as he exhaled at the time on his wrist watch. Alyssa would be home in an hour and it was too late to restart. He didn’t have enough ingredients and he couldn’t whip up something else in time for Alyssa to sink her teeth into.

At that moment his phone rang as Ethan reached into his pocket to rest the phone between his ear and shoulder, while bouncing a teary Allison in his lap.

“Ethan Ramsey.”

“Ethan.” The corner of Ethan’s lips curled upwards at the recognition of his father’s voice. “I’m just about ten minutes away from your home. Alyssa invited me to have dinner, do you need anything?”

Ethan glanced at the mess behind him, a low exhale left his lips.

“Can you please pick up some Chinese on your way here?”

It wasn’t long when Alan arrived with several bags of Chinese take out from Xing-Fu’s Restaurant. Ethan took the bags from Alan and set up the dining table while Alan took the time to talk and play with his granddaughter, Jenner wagged his tail rapidly as he watched Alan and Allison. Not long after the kitchen was clear and the dinner table was set, Alyssa had entered the apartment with a smile on her face.

She took a moment to freshen up before joining the Ramseys at the dinner table. Her eyes sparkled at the array of side dishes as she pecked Ethan’s cheek before digging rather ravenously into the food. All the tension from the day melted under the spicy heat of duck and the softness of lotus buns. Ethan and Alan share a knowing smile as they too get stuck into their meal, Allison smiles and babbles in her high chair next to Alyssa. Glad to have her mother with her.

~~~~~~

The memories faded as Ethan lifted his pen from the letter, a soft nostalgic smile brushed on his face as he pushed the frame of his glasses up the bridge of his nose. A faint sound of the front door opened as excited chirps and barking fluttered into his study. The kids, Jenner and Alyssa were home as Ethan smiles at the incoming thunder steps, spinning his office chair to the direction of the door. The twins come tumbling in and launch themselves into Ethan’s arms, not giving a chance for Ethan to pay attention to their chatter. Jenner is sitting at the entrance of the door, while Allison stands behind him with her hand scratching the top of his fur. 

“Nathan, Savannah! I cannot understand your rambling.”

“Yeah, they had a lot of pastries. Aunt Sienna made a lot of cakes and biscuits.”

Ethan shook his head with a teasing grin at the twins. The two of them hid their mouths as Nathan denied.

“No we didn’t. Ally did!”

“Liar, I saw you two take two slices of the chocolate fudge cake.”

“No! You’re dreaming Ally.”

Ethan raised an eyebrow at his troublesome twins but pressed long kisses into their hair. Savannah leaned over his shoulder and noticed the pen and paper before pressing her two palms on Ethan’s face, forcing him to look directly at her as she asked.

“Are you drawing without us?”

Ethan shook his head as he explained.

“I’m making a gift for grandpa.”

“Are you gonna give it to him tomorrow?”

Before he could answer, Alyssa appeared at the door with her hands on her hips, dressed in a green cotton dress and brown knee high boots. Her mom voice was coming through as she moved her eyes between the troublesome twins.

“Nathan and Savannah. Time for bed. We’ve got to wake up early tomorrow if you want to spend the whole day with Grandpa.”

“Do we have to?”

Ethan stood up and held on to the twins as he smartly urged.

“Come on if you get dressed for bed, you can stay up late tomorrow.”

The twins gasped as they scrambled off Ethan’s arms and rushed to their bedroom to get into their pyjamas. A small smile curled up on Alyssa’s lips as she turned to the eldest Ramsey child.

“You too, Ally!”

“But Mom!”

“Come on.”

Ethan steps up to the doorway and sweetly kisses his wife as she cupped his cheek.

“You coming?”

“Just finishing up.”

Alyssa gave a nod and led her daughter away to her bedroom, Jenner obediently bounding behind them. Ethan returned to his desk to read over the last words he wrote.

Look at me now. I’m a dad.

Thank you for making me the man I am today.

Love,

Dr. Ethan J. Ramsey

[rsmrymnt-tea]

「 🐳 」 (places this 4th spam ask of the day in your ask box like im a cat dropping off a freshly killed songbird that you liked to listen to every morning at your doorstep because it kept on irritating me but you get exasperated and upset by me in return )

i swear this is the last one </3

grasshopper for the oc asks — describe your oc’s personality ! in addition, what are her goals and convictions? any philosophies she rigorously follows?

i'll share a bit of info of my mc in return for yours, but i'll give her the anonymous title of [godtongue]; you may be able to find a few of her playlists if you scrounge through my spotify, as well as other playlists belonging to the rest of the obm cast.

this excerpt (belonging to a much longer description) in particular is very old, around two years at most--i'm surprised at how consistent she's been, and just how much has added onto that consistency. some things have slightly changed, but i'm satisfied nonetheless.

[...] she has a very fleeting yet helpful presence, something ethereal & haunting. the things she says to help people usually seem bittersweet or neutral; she doesn't normally present things in a way where it seems like things will feel completely right in the end, just better than they are now, & we still deserve better even if it won't be perfect. [godtongue] doesn't make things more beautiful, but she certainly does her best to make everything less scary--she illuminates, she makes everything more.

though, just as any human, [godtongue] does have her own sets of troubles. for someone who has a deeply hidden and inarticulate desire for something beyond daily life, it can be difficult to keep herself grounded and practical (why should i be under any obligation to make sense to you? she thinks. it's not out of malicious pride, but rather, genuine curiosity). she is curious in her sadness, her joy, her ever-seeking nature, transfixed by grief and growth and allowing herself to feel it all. her whimsical way of sharing isn't often understood; she's likened herself to a small songbird crashing into a glass wall.

she may appear all-knowing to some, and arrogant to others. not that she minds, though--she's curious in what they have to say. many have told me that [godtongue] is not the type of character that you can easily break down to simple characteristics. there’s still so much more room for interpretation for her and each person varies with it when they gaze at her. a friend of mine wrote this,

her hair radiates the warm rays of the sun, an endless sea of golden waves that fall around her star-dusted cheeks. her eyes, curved gracefully upon her angular features, blink with the curiosity of the feline, a glimmer of hope that only those who gaze further in are fortunate enough to see. her shoulders, although subtle, carry the stories and tales of the ever changing wondrous world around her, enveloping her in a cape of constellations and radiant skies.

every delicate step she takes - where will she go from there? you cannot help but follow.

and i believed that it captured her very well. if i spoke about her in her infancy and adolescence, however, you'd find that she very well threatened the walls that purposefully kept her safe, and engage in recklessness as she dug around to find out more about the world around her, even if it wasn't meant for her eyes. curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction surely brought her back ... right?

her intensity has been a consistent theme throughout her life, and it's something that has instilled fear, irritation, and awe in many (uuuu and i have SUCH a good passage for her that reflects this from the time the last valentine's day(?) event came and everyone presented their chocolate gifts to mc. the people who read it were mortally terrified just as i hoped they would be lmao “SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ROMANTIC BC ITS A VALENTINES DAY EVENT” i assure you that she cares more about people seeing her for who she is and loving her in spite of what horrors she holds rather than living up to an ideal, just as she always has). her strong values and philosophies help carry her through her trials and tribulations, and i would go in-depth about them, but i think that calls for another time.

besides! i'm curious to read about dolasach's, whatever they may be. or maybe she doesn't have any that she's aware of! who knows~

Ah man nonnie, truthfully I'm really bad with telling when it comes to personalities. It's why I'm having so much trouble updating Dola's info sheet, I just can't figure out how to describe her the way you describe godtongue--who honestly is so intriguing? But I'm also a little lost because I'm the type to need examples of reactions to understand a character, or a snippet from their life. It sounds like she's a warm, helpful, observant person who's very much a free spirit, and those combined is a part of her charm, but deals with her intentions being lost in communication? I actually wonder if she and Dola would get along, because judging simply by how you described her, Dola would like... Side-eye her often and maybe find herself unwilling to be in her presence. People who can read her too well and make it known the wrong way make her uncomfortable, despite the fact that she too likes to remain observant and note little things about others.

I do think they have their similarities though? Especially in that last part. It's just that I think that it's those aspects of them that are similar that will give them some trouble getting along.

So like... I'm not entirely sure how I would describe Dola? So let me fumble a bit as I try to dghkdfjh

I think, at her core, Dola is someone who like... Is everything you've described her as in previous asks lmao. There's a lot of inner conflict within her, constantly, and I think it's because she's someone who deals with being a lot of contrasting emotions, some of which are very intense and she feels she has no right to feel. She's someone who is fucking depressed and is at times tired of life yet has actively, on her own volition, chosen immortality; touts herself as independent yet knows her world will crumble if she lost either of her partners or her found family, but also tells herself that if any of them bring her more trouble to the point of constant burden, she'll burn the bridge; refuses to set her boundaries aside for others yet is at oftentimes a total people pleaser for a few select people.

She doesn't like that she contradicts herself so often, despite it being part of being human--it's something that Solomon has to remind and reassure her of every now and then. And I think a lot of her walls are to keep others from adding to her troubles (she doesn't want to deal with having to care about more people, even more so as an immortal) and from having others know she has any problems in the first place (because she has trust issues, basically, and wants people to work for her trust.)

I also feel like she's just predispositioned for a lot of anger and jealousy as well? And all that combined with her tendency to just not like people or think of them in good faith leads to her holding grudges and simply avoiding people who has slighted her, outright refusing their company as much as possible. They'd have to work three times as hard to win back her trust, depending on what they did. Belphie had to offer a pact before she even considered giving him a chance. Lilith had to pass all her remaining power into Dola and revive her. Simeon unknowingly won her forgiveness when he stole the Ring of Light for her. Diavolo and Barbatos have no hope of ever truly getting into her good graces. (Note: forgot to mention that the Angelic Demons event is canon for her >.>)

Even Satan and Solomon have had to rebuild that trust again after the times they'd earned her anger in some way, though they didn't have as hard of a time because they'd already earned her trust by then, and she understood that they had their reasons. (Referring to the time pre-pact that Satan threatened her, and Solomon having known what was wrong with her re:The Ring almost the entire time but not saying anything)

gsjfgjdhf I feel like I'm saying so much to explain very little?? Sorry fghjkfdhfgh

But yeah! I think in her search for contentment she ends up throwing herself into more dissatisfaction, tbh. She's not even aiming for anything perfect, not actively anyway--but I think there's also an inherent perfectionism in her stemming from being raised on the idea that life is about the constant journey for it, and a fear of stagnation and eventual deterioration.

And like, just to end this on a positive note, when she grows to love someone, she really, truly does love them--be it familial, romantic, platonic, or a mix. For the brothers and the Purgatory boys, it grows almost into something unconditional after everything they've been through, especially when they're her only true, constant company in her immortality.

[mackeydoodledoo]

I Wasn’t (Thinking)

Pairing: Sarah Reese x Rory Laine (Fem!Doctor)

Summary: You’re assigned to mentor Sarah Reese in her studies to become a doctor. You have a ball however, little did you know, you began falling in love with your 4th year student. When a Pathology worker interrupts your love fest for Reese, you immediately regretting not telling her how you feel about her sooner.

Warning: Hospital shooting, Blood/Blood mention

A/N: Okay I recently started watching Chicago Med as I watch the other two Chicago shows, I’m all for Sarah Reese! btw, Rory Laine is my OC for Chicago Med!!

------------------------------------------- As you file down some paperwork, you feel a hand gently caressing your back. As you look up it was your med-student trainee; Sarah Reese. The two of you had built a strong bond compared to her first day as your trainee. 

"You paged me doctor?" You knock on the door frame 

"Yes, our handful of 4th year students have arrived," he explains, "I'm assigning them to a doctor such as yourself. I'm having you mentor Sarah Reese." 

"Sounds like a plan doc," you answer 

[...] 

"Hi I'm Dr. Sarah Reese," she introduces herself, shaking your hand, "4th year med student." 

"Dr. Rory Laine," you introduce back, "Emergency Medicine." 

[...] 

"Reese, help the patient with their airway, they aren't breathing properly!" 

"Dr. Reese code blue!" 

Reese presses the code blue button right behind the patients bed as Dr. Choi began CPR, the two of you helping around as much as you can. 

[...] 

"Sarah? Hey hey, it's okay," you comfort her, "just let it all out. It's okay." 

You noticed how Reese was hard on herself. You wanted to be there. You HAD to be there.

In all that time you had spent with her, you didn't notice you began to fall in love with her in the process. It wasn't until Maggie pointed it out. 

"Girl, you're totally head over heels for Reese!" Maggie teases 

"What?! No!" You try to stop her, "I don't even think she's into girls... or even likes me back..." 

"Dr.?" Reese calls from behind you 

You turn around to face her, "What’s up Reese?" 

"I just wanted to ask you, if you wanted to get coffee right now?" She asks 

"I'd love to," you smile, following her

As you two had went to the coffee area, you made her coffee, she smiles as she happily begins to make yours. You turn around to look at the city scape. You inhale the crisp, fresh air. You turn to Sarah to check on how she was doing. You notice a guy standing right next to her. 

"Hey Dr. Reese, I just got paged," you lie, happily taking your Reese-made coffee, "You page me if you need me at all." 

You didn't like the guy. You've met him before, a little bit of a creep. He tried to make a move on you but you straight up told him that you were a lesbian. You weren't sure how to tell Reese, you adore her, you enjoy her presence, you strongly believe she is the best Med student you have ever partnered with. You couldn't do that to her.

"Earth to Laine," Sarah smiles, waving her hand into your face, pulling you out of your thoughts 

"Yeah?" You ask, sighing 

"I got my match back!" She smiles 

"Well don't keep your mentor waiting what was the result?" 

She opens the envelope and unfolds the paper and shows it to you. You were heartbroken... But you couldn't show her that. You wanted her to be happy after all. 

"Oh my gosh that's amazing, where you wanted to be yeah?" You force yourself to say, but you sigh, "You know, I’m going to tell you this. Of all med students I have mentored in my time here, you were the best med student I could ever work with. Good luck. Doctor Reese." 

You walk away, forcing yourself to smile until your back was turned to her. You didn't want her to see you cry. But you watched her date Joey, one of her Pathology colleagues. It pained you to watch it. Each time you were saving loves, doing paperwork. You did it all to get your mind off of her. But to no avail.

One night post shift, you were seated at the bar at Molly's. Notebook under your right hand, a drink in the other. 

"My favorite kid doctor looks sappy," Stella Kidd comes over 

"The girl-my former med partner is dating someone else... I like like her but.... I'm too late..." you sigh, scribbling something into your notebook 

"What do you have there?" Stella asks, taking the notebook 

You try to get it out of her hands, but you failed that task. 

“Oh how I wish I could have made my feelings known sooner. Maybe we could have been something. My colleague. My partner. The greatest one I have had. ED for me wasn't the same. I'd always call for your assistance however I look up to see nothing but an empty space.”

You watch Stella read out your sappy poem as you continue drinking. 

"How have you not told her yet?" She asks 

"I wasn't sure if she was into girls too, let alone me." You sigh, "Most important of all, I don't want her to run away if I tell her." 

"From the stories you tell me from your time at Med, you never sounded enthusiastic about any of them until you got an ED partner. Tell you what," Stella starts, "March right up to her apartment and talk to her. The most thorough conversation you can do." 

You sigh, but straightening yourself out. You slide Stella a hefty tip as you grab your jacket and run out of the bar; rushing over to Reese's. She asked for your help on a test she had to take and you went over there once to help her study for it. 

Once you reach her place you compose yourself and you gently knock on the door. Joey opens the door... 

"Laine." He says, coldly 

"Hi Thomas. Is Sarah here?" You ask, trying to look past him 

"In the bathroom," he says 

You try to brush past him but he stops in your direction. 

"What are you doing?" He asks 

"I need to talk to her," you only say before he places a hand on you to place you back into the hall 

You slap his hand away as you realize what he's doing. 

"Fine," you sigh, "Can you tell her at least, that I need to talk to her?" 

He nods, not saying anything else. You turn your back to him and leave. As you go down a decent amount of stairs, you stop... You slumped against the wall and looked up to the upper stairs. 

"I'm such an idiot!" You growl at yourself before finally leaving

You return back to Molly's as it begins looking thinner the last time you were there. 

"I'm guessing it didn't go well?" Stella asks, passing you a drink, "On me." 

"I couldn't talk to her," you say, slumping down onto the bar, “Joey refused to let me talk to her.”

“You want me to talk to him? Stella asks, “I could drill into his head like Chief Boden does while on shift.”

“No, not worth it, and I think Sarah will be mad at me if I let you,” You sigh, taking another sip of your drink, “Thanks Stella.”

"Hey Rors," Sarah calls 

You look up from a supply box you were supposedly invested in. 

"Here's the results you requested," she says, handing you the paperwork 

"Thanks Reese," you sigh 

"So- how's your new partner?" She asks 

As you begin walking to Treatment 7, Sarah follows you. 

"What new partner?" You ask, "There's no 'new partner' for me. I told Charles that I'd only work with you, should you come back." 

She smiles. You wish that moment lasted an entire lifetime. However you look toward the entrance and see a man with a gun.... You look over and realized it was aimed at... Sarah Reese.... 

"GET DOWN!!" you scream to the ED department 

As everyone else does so, you look over at Sarah. Panicking when you hear a shot ring out. 

"SARAH!" you scream as you push her into the empty treatment room right next to the two of you 

You accidentally knock into the supply box in front of treatment 4 and knock it over, sending you with it. You roll over it and slide across the floor, leaving a blood trail on it. You gasp for air, trying to reach for the same supply box you knocked over, wanting to cover your bullet wound immediately. When Sarah gains her consciousness, she launches herself over to you, trying to stop the bleeding. 

"Choi! Rhodes!!" Sarah calls out for, "Rory." 

She looks up and notices the shooter being handcuffed by the CPD. 

"Re-Sarah," you sigh looking up at her, "I just want you to know, that... If I don't make it-" 

"No no no, stay with me Rory, eyes on me okay? Eyes. On. Me." Sarah tries to comfort you as Rhodes and Choi lift your body into the empty room 

Many of your coworkers nearly cried as you were taken to the OR for suture and possible surgery, as Choi looked for the bullet. Worried you might need surgery for possible bullet lodged in your body. 

"Are you hurt?!" Joey comes running over to Sarah 

"No but- but Rory took the bullet.." Sarah cried as Joey pulls her into a hug

After crippling hours of adjusting to a hospital shooting and with you in the ICU, Rhodes game of from the room as Sarah immediately stands up. 

"Rory?" She asks Rhodes 

"Laine's stable, but she's unconscious. Not sure when she'll wake up," he gets to the point, "She really misses you over at ED. You should see her when she tries to do paperwork. Do you know how many 'bathroom breaks' she goes on? Just to cry? You should be there for her. She wouldn't just take a bullet for their colleague. Unless there was something else going on with her." 

Rhodes makes his leave from your ICU room as Sarah follows. However, Joey stops her. 

"What is it Joey?" She asks 

"Can we talk?" He asks 

"Okay," she sighs as he follows him 

"You and Laine had something," he concludes 

"What?" She asks, "I have no clue what you're talking about." 

"Oh come on you don't think I see a lesbian that likes you when I see one?!" He asks 

"Rory's a-?" She asks 

He nods. 

"We that doesn't phase me that she's one of the best doctors to have mentored me, her sensuality has nothing to do with how she mentors me and how she sees me." Reese states 

"She’s only jealous and she only took that bullet to-" 

"SHE TOOK THAT BULLET FOR ME!" Reese screams, supposedly for her whole department to hear, "It should have been me instead of her, but now... But now she's my patient!" 

"Come on Reese she's been avoiding you," Joey states, "If she hadn't tried to come over the other night we-" 

"She what?!" She asks him 

"She came over to see you," he says, sighing," I told her to leave." 

"You did what?!" She asks 

"I told her to leave," he says, "She's getting in-between our relationship."

"I don't need you to decide that for me," Sarah screams, "Laine told me herself; I was one of her best med students she's mentored. And if you see her as a 'threat' to our relationship, you can leave. So leave." 

"Reese-" 

"LEAVE!" She raises her voice 

So he makes his leave, Sarah looks around and notices people staring, she rushes into your ICU room where you were resting; your shoulder healing from the gunshot wound. 

"Rory.... Oh my God I'm so sorry." Reese whispers, "You goddamn took that bullet for me and for what? It should have been me instead. Me in the bed where you are...." 

Sarah leans over you and puts her forehead against yours. 

"Sarah Reese..." you manage to say, "You are so blind..." 

She lifts her head to see you with your eyes open, slightly smiling. 

"I am so goddamn into you Sarah," you sigh, leaning into Sarah's touch, "I just couldn't find the courage to tell you." 

"Well, I wish you would have told me sooner," Sarah smiles, "Because I would have thought about it." 

You smile as you try to sit up but feel Sarah's hand gently press your uninjured shoulder. 

"Not yet," she whispers, "I'll go get Dr. Manning and-" 

Before she could stand up she feels your hand on hers. 

"Stay, please," you sigh 

She sighs as well. She sits back down and continues checking on you.

As you stand up with the assistance from Sarah, you see everyone applauding for you. 

"Who coordinated this?" You ask, looking at Sarah 

"I did, you saved another Doctor Rory," Maggie smiles, "Give yourself some credit." 

"That I did and that I shall," you smile

By the end of shift you were in the break room getting your post-work clothes on, however when it came to your jacket, you forgot you still had some stitches on and you drew your left arm back. 

"Here let me," Reese says, as she puts your right arm through the jacket sleeve 

"Thanks Sarah," you say, "Have you ever been to Molly's?" 

"Can't say I have," she smiles 

"Do you want to grab dinner?" You ask, "on me." 

"I'd like that Rory," Sarah smiles, "I'd like that a lot." 

"Meet me at the entrance when you're ready," you say

When Sarah meets up with you, the two of you take your cars to Molly's. 

"Hey it's doctor Savior," Hermann teases 

"Ha ha very funny Hermann," you sigh as you hear Sarah laugh 

"What'll it be?" He asks 

"You know my usual," you smile 

"Just a water for me," Sarah says 

"Oh by the way Rory, you finally got your girlfriend to finally come in here huh?" Hermann teases again 

"W-what?!" You ask him, blushing, "Well, I mean she knows I like her." 

"Yes," Sarah calls 

You turn to her, looking at her like she's crazy 

"I'll be your girlfriend Rory," she smiles 

"Really?" You ask 

She nods. You wanted to kiss her. But you remembered you wanted to be smart about her. You wanted to wait until she was ready for you. 

"Hey after this do you want to go to my place?" You ask, "I want to show you something." 

"Okay," she smiles 

"We aren't rushing anything I promise you that," you smile as you sip your whiskey 

As you lead her into your apartment, your hands over her eyes. 

"Keep those pretty eyes closed," you whisper into her ear 

You pull out your phone and press a button to play Photograph by Ed Sheeran. 

"Open," you say as she does 

You watch her look at the photographs in awe. They were strong up along, what you call them; fairy lights, spread out in an orderly fashion hut not in order. 

"Did you take all of these?" She asks 

"Yeah," you smile, "Some I took on our first couple of weeks as partners. And..." 

You trail off as you turn around to grab something. She turns around as you're on one knee, acoustic guitar in arms. 

"I look like I’m about to propose to you but no, let's not rush into things," you smile, beginning to strum along to the song. 

So you can keep me, inside the pocket of your ripped jeans. Holding me close until our eyes meet. You won't ever be alone, wait for me to come home. Loving can heal, loving can mend your soul. And it's the only thing I know, know. I swear it will get easier. 

You continue looking up at her, strumming along to the song and looking into her eyes. You'd occasionally look away from her to look at your fret markers to know what note to play next. 

We keep this love in a photograph 

You reach up and pick a photograph off of your display and hand it to her. It was actually your favorite one; Herself and you were acting goofy in the bathroom. Her arm slung around your waist and yours around her shoulder. 

We made these memories for ourselves. Where our eyes are never closing, hearts were never broken, and time's forever standing still 

You sing the chorus again as you go back to playing for her. 

And if you hurt me, well, that's okay baby only words bleed. Inside these pages you just hold me and I won't ever let you go. When I'm away- 

You stand up, meeting Sarah's eyes, still singing to her 

Hearing you whisper through the phone; "Wait for me to come home" 

When you turn away from her to put your guitar down. But when you turn back to her; tears filled her eyes as she tries to viciously wipe them away. 

"Oh babe," you sigh, wiping her tears gently for her 

"You prepared all of this for me?" She asks 

"Actually, it was on the fly," you chuckle lightly 

"Oooh that’s even hotter. Adding that you're also a musician?" She laughs 

You laugh with her, "Before deciding to become an ED resident, I wanted to play music, sing it even! So I learned nearly all instruments. But I got bored.... But I still use my music skills for outside of Med, like this." 

"Can I stay here tonight?" She asks 

You nod, with a smile, "Of course you can." 

Noticing she didn't have any clothing, you rummage through yours and hand her one of your band hoodies and a pair of your shorts. 

"I don't know your shorts or pants size. Why would I need that for? But I hope it fits." You say, nervously 

You wait for her to come out of your bathroom. You were reading a book and you didn't hear your bathroom door open until you feel someone straddling you and taking your book away. 

"Impatient are you?" You joke 

She only looks down at your shoulder, the stitches. Oh.. Right.. I got shot at this morning... 

"Goodwin gave me a couple weeks off for it to heal," you say, "You can come over as much as you want. But if I'm not here, I'll leave a note at the door." 

She doesn't answer but hear the gunshot in her head. 

"Goddamnit Rory what were you thinking?!" She only asks 

You paused for a minute, trying to think on that moment earlier that day. 

"I wasn't" you answered, "when I know your life is in danger I don't think. I do it with no questions and no question of the consequences." 

"So... you did all of that for me?" She asks, gently stroking your injured shoulder. 

You nod, "I'd rather take a bullet for you than watch you become a memory." 

She doesn't answer but leans her head down for her lips to meet yours. You meet her halfway and kiss her. At first you believed that you were able to tell Sarah Reese how you felt. But with Joey Thomas that used to be in the way, you regretted not telling her sooner. But, taking the bullet to the shoulder instead was one way to tell her how you felt about her.

[struwwelzeter]

Because i miss your design themed rants (it is good word here) i would like you to rank Rammstein album covers from designers point of view.

Ah, I love you. This got VERY ranty.

This is kinda hard because I tend to judge the entire packagaing/notes, and when I count that into it the ranking would be ever so slightly different. I’ll mention it for each I have Opinions (TM) on, but yeah, this is solely going on cover. I’ll only do the studio albums, not made in germany or the DVDs, or this will get too big.

7th: Rosenrot.

I know lots of you are gonna hate me for this. It’s not that I don’t like it, I do, it’s beautiful. Unfortunately it’s ... slightly lazy. It’s I think their most obvious cover and obvious feels like it’s good design but never truly is. It’s got that first idea feel, if that makes any sense. There is always that project where you go “uh can’t think of anything, but this works.” It’s not a bad thing, they clearly still knew what they were doing. It’s just ... that typical photoshop post apocalyptic composit that lost of metal/alternative bands did at some point. They all did it because it’s cool. No argument there. It’s just that I expect a bit ... more.

6th: Herzeleid

I know it’s iconic, but. The execution?! Terrible. The colours of their skin and that flower?! Too different to feel monochromatic, to same same to contrast nicely. Too much texture. What is that?! The positive bit is the placement of the typography because, neat! Most people fail at that. I like the blue-grey there aswell, how about you’d added that to their skin a little? No? Ok.

Also, this (Richard speaking):

“The bloody sleeve! What a crazy situation that was. We approved the photos in a car park without thinking what we were letting ourselves in for. When we saw what the designer had done, we freaked! We looked so… gay! All of us stripped to the waist. It was like an ad for a gay porno film. So we had to say, sort it out. Make us look straight again. Change the sleeve.”

Who in the fuck works like this?! Nevermind, I know it was a considerably younger Dirk Rudolph, but fucking hell, have some self respect, all of you. I know they didn’t know what they were doing, they probably had the management/record company comission it, and that was still the time graphic designers were seen as just pixel pushers from that time it took 3 days to layout a poster. Still. What was that brief?! Could you have sat down for 20 minutes and talk, perhaps?! Also, I hope this is how Richie learned to be the nightmare client I know he is. Don’t approve layouts in a car park, what the fuck is wrong with you.

It’s a pity because the concept? Nice. Sculpted men infront of flowers, what else do you want from life. Why crysanthemes, tho? Too textured in that macro shot. What is that photo angle?! Might try and redo that if I ever feel like it.

5th: Reise, Reise

This breaks my heart a little, because it’s my lonely island album. And it isn’t bad by any stretch. Actually, their album cover game is ridiculous, can I have that established as a general benchmark? It would make for a lot less mental break downs. The thing is ... I like the idea. Make it look like the black box, cool. The problem is the type. It makes it look like “Flugrekorder Nicht Öffnen” is the album title. To be fair, Typesetting is my main thing, and album artists get it wrong (imo) 99 out of 100 times. I wish they would have comitted more and just left the titel off and solved it with a slide in, or a sticker or something like that. It’s just a bit ... weird. What works brilliantly is that it’s very memorable, stands out on the shelf, is unusual, all of that. It’s iconic. I do like it very much but I had to place something here.

4th: Liebe ist für alle da

Now the thing with that album is that it has two covers. If I’d gone by the original one, I’d have to place it behind Reise, Reise. Everything RR has in impact, this is missing. It’s too dark, has too many pieces, it won’t stand out on a shelf. Especially not in the CD age when it was on 12x12 cm. Even on a Vinyl, it’s ... just not that impactful. Sure, the photograph is beautiful but meh. Luckily there is a second option. And that - is almost like a logo. It works as a symbol, and that makes it so strong. Less is more. Brilliant. You can draw it from memory. It’s so iconic, the kind of stuff that starts showing up in subways, drawn on the back of a seat and sprayed on walls. Tell me you never wanted to paint that on a flag and take it to a pride parade. I am sure some of us have.

I do want to mention the booklet in this, because it does bump it up a little too, because where the panorama image fails as a cover, the inside is done so beautifully with the fold out, the type setting, everything. It’s special, and done with love and it shows.

3rd: Mutter

There is just something about this that is so, so, so memorable. Everyone recognises this. If you ask anyone over the age of 20 to describe Rammstein with an album cover only to someone less familiar, is anyone gonna say anything but “they’re the band with the embryo in close up”?! Maybe this is subjective because that’s how I first got exposed to them, but I don’t think so. It’s such a powerful image. It’s both beautiful and uncomfortable, the way Rammstein as a whole and that album in particular is beautiful and uncomfortable. It’s stunning. That’s it. Unfortunately, this one falls apart inside. The went too far with the whole Matrix inspired cyber elements. It’s trendy and trendy never stands the test of time, in that it has the same problem Rosenrot has, but much worse because it’s not even done that well. They could have just used the photos and kept it raw. The type setting on the cover is as good as it gets with albums tho, so I am happy.

2nd: Sehnsucht

Ah, Sehnsucht. The most perfect band shoot they ever had. Helnwein just ... did it. I don’t know, it both defined and summed up who they are aesthetically for the longest time. It’s the visual statement that says “this is Rammstein”. It ... just looks like a band that sings about heartbreak and necrophilia is supposed to look like. Don’t you agree? How else would it look like? Even that omniously coloured beach. It’s as if the predicted the mood of True Detective, only less Hollywood. That darkness we don’t want to see, that can happen anywhere. And where they fell short with Mutter, where they added too much on to these powerful images, they just added the type. Granted, it was the 90s so it’s slightly experimental type. But unlike most type in the 90s it stood the test of time. Add the whole variable cover versions and chefs kiss! Beautiful work. Makes me happy and emotional and ugh.

1st: The White Album

I’m just calling it that now. The Matchstick. You know, good design is made up from three components only: Concept. Commitment. Execution. The concept of this is so streamlined and clean. It’s the entire Rammstein story narrowed down to a single little thing. It’s small and ordinary looking but it can become dangerous and big. It’s underestimated. A little piece of wood with a head of phosphor and calium chlorit and yet you can commit the most legendary arson. It’s the personification of the thing that has become synonymous with them: Fire. It says so much with so little. And then they comitted to that. No useless typography, a simple but oh so well done photoshoot, the simple text on white. They didn’t ad too much additional ideas on to it, they trusted that one to carry and it does. They could have done without the black and white match stick arrangements inside, although I’m not even sure if that’s not just a limited edition thing, it’s a bit too much almost. They got scared a little there. The execution is also well done, I have very little to critique, only that I feel it lacks a tiny bit of love. The thing is, the more minimalist you go, the more love you have to put into each element. I feel like the spacing of the type should have been fixed in a few places but honestly that is being very very picky. Or not. Because if it wasn’t for that, and the teeeeny tiny commitment issue, this should have been a candidate for the packaging grammy. I mean it should be even the way it is, but we all know how those fuckers ignore our boys.

I’m done. Can I use this as application? Do you think if I send them a run down of basically tearing them apart they will hire me?

[neo-culture-mafia]

IV. Sorry, My Dear

⚠️⚠️TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️⚠️

The following story contains themes of suicidal thoughts and addiction. Please do not read if you find these themes triggering in any way. Read this post before reading this piece of FICTION

Have you heard the story of the guy,

Who decided not to die?

"Another day at the office...another day in hell." Jae mumbled to himself. The black lettering seemed never ending as he moved page after page.

Everyone was long gone and he was left with his thoughts that reflected the current state of his desk: scattered and full on unwanted words.

"Come on, Jae. Let's go get drinks with Boss." Jae had mimicked the voices of the other associates that worked in the office today. "No. I'm good. Got to finish this work. Beep-boop-boop." He moved his arms in a robot-like fashion.

"Look at me. Working me life away. Jaehyun. That's my name." He moved the papers in random places. This would be Jae's 4th breakdown this week where he needed to tell himself to hold on until tomorrow.

Johnnny looked on in concern from behind the entrance wall. "No good, Jaehyun. Don't wear it out." Jae's hands waves over his head in a dramatic fashion as he pushed himself around in his wheeled office chair.

It wasn't until Johnny saw Jae's hands form into a gun shape that he intervened in the middle of his best friend's scary emotional outburst.

"Jae! There you are!" He rushed over and punched his friend's arm. The look in Jaehyun's eyes made Johnny uneasy. It looked like he had been caught which made him break more. "You almost finished? I wanted to catch a movie with you and maybe have a hangout night," Jae was taken aback by the energy outburst at 2 am.

He could only look at Johnny's excited face from where he sat in his chair, strands of hair obstructing only pieces of his vision. "I got the new Call of Duty and PubG for the console." Johnny's hands rummaged in his pockets till he pulled out his phone, his eyebrows wiggling fiercely. "It's only...2:17. We got all the time in the world."

Johnny picked up Jae's suit jacket that was thrown over the cubicle wall and the younger boy's heavy bag. "I'll drive." Johnny pulled Jae up and turned off his lamp.

They were in the darkness of the office and Jae was still shocked that he was caught before he got worse.

"What do you wanna eat? Steak? McDonald's? Junk food?" Johnny's rambling was tuned out of Jae's mind. He followed the taller man willingly down and out of the office building and to his familiar car.

"Uh...doesn't matter." Was the first thing that came out of Jaehyun's mouth. "Then we'll get everything." Johnny's laugh made Jae's heart swell with hope for the first time in weeks.

'Maybe next time,' he thought, 'I'll hang out with Johnny one last time.'

The car ride was filled with laughter and being in the cold air surrounding the both of them.

Johnny still wonders to this day what would've happened if he didn't walk in the time he did. He had been called to pick up the paperwork from Jae's desk but was met with a sad reality.

Jaehyun wanted to escape reality.

Just kill me in my sleep,

Smother me with pillows and kindness, in which I have never seen

This was it...this was the day. He's written the letters and found a place to go calmly. He was in a euphoric sense that nothing really mattered anymore.

He had been on cloud 9 all week as he's happily been overworked and no one ever asked how he had been doing.

Right now, he was just driving. Driving to take in his home city one last time.

The sun was setting when he came to Han River Park. The clusters of happy people congregated in small bursts of happiness and 'its okay' and 'everything will be alright's.

He parked and stood at the grass's edge. He took deep breaths as the air swept across his body calmly. "Everything is so beautiful." He whispered to himself as he watched the birds dance across the water with such grace.

The lump in his throat that made it home was beginning to ache. Yet, he swallowed his pride and continued looking over the people who would continue their own story's even after his had reached the end. The credits would roll and everyone would walk away from the theater without a second thought.

"I mean. I get that's it's pretty. But I haven't seen someone cry at the scenery since my last romance movie." He was snapped out of reality to see a girl standing next to him.

"Excuse me?" Was all he could manage to get out.

You chuckled, sticking your hand out. "Y/n." You introduced yourself and he was trying to not shake your hand, look the other way, and leave without another word being exchanged.

"Jaehyun." His actions spoke for him as he reached his hand out to meet yours. Your hand was soft and warm in his. A warmness and calm he hasn't felt in a while.

"I'm gonna go get some ice cream. Wanna come?" You barely knew him and we're asking him to accompany you to a sweet treat. "You don't know me." Jae got defensive, his arms crossing over his chest.

"I could be a murderer and you invited me for ice cream?" His questions had your face turn up. "Well I'm sure that murderers like ice cream too. So let's go." You grabbed his arm and pulled him down the long stretch of concrete. You walked and tried to match your steps with his long strides. Your arm cutely wrapped around his as you walked.

"So tell me about yourself, Mr. Jaehyun."

He figured living was just easier than falling really high

"We need to clean." You whined while rolling around in the vast bed full of messed up sheets and a relaxing Jaehyun. "Not now. I just wanna cuddle." He grabbed your body and held you close.

"No. We've been cuddling all day. We need to clean." You got up and pulling at his hands. "You can clean the closet and I can clean the rest of the room. Then cuddles." You reasoned and he groaned as he got up, giving into your wishes.

"Fine." He automatically sat on the ground and opened your shared closet doors.

"I'll be tidying up around here." You ruffled his hair and kissed the top of his head sweetly. "If you need anything just shout." He called as you exited the room to probably start on the kitchen.

Box after box of paperwork and more paperwork from the last 10 years of working in his like of work.

Your singing could be heard through your house as you comedically sang some of the greatest hits. His laughter broke through the apartment when your own voice shook with laughs.

He came upon some photo books with Polaroids of you and him. The last 2 years had been lived in a heaven like state. He hadn't touched alcohol and drugs like he was earlier in his life...before you changed him.

His physical and mental growth were apparent in the pictures as he flipped through the pages. Your hand drawn hearts and small journal entries under some photos had his heart beating rapidly with joy.

He put the book next to his side to look at later with you. His hand came across an unmarked cardboard photo box that had a thin layer of dust on it.

He jiggled the lid off and was met with envelopes. The letters. His notes to his bosses and his friends apologizing for what he was about to do.

Apologizing for the mess they were going to have to clean up in his apartment and in the office where his files would never be filed. Apologizing for giving up so easily and not serving out the rest of his life like he had sworn. Apologizing for not being strong enough to ask for help when he really tried to make it obvious. Apologizing to whoever had to find him after it was all said and done.

Apologizing for not saying goodbye.

"Hey. Do we have any tile cle- oooo letters. Who are they to?" Your voice had made Jae jump like when Johnny caught him that dark night in the office. Like he was caught doing and thinking stuff he shouldn't be.

"No one. Me. In 50 years. Y'know," he shrugged, tossing them back in the box and throwing them in the closet and standing up quickly, "time capsule thing me and the guys did." He shrugged it off and you could only nod.

"Well that's cool. Can't wait to see how you've grown." Your smile had his own lips mimicking in want. Wanting to have your blissful ignorance of what those letters really were.

"Oh yeah. Do we have any more tile cleaner?" You asked and he lead you out to the closet where he scowered the top shelves in search for the cleaning supply.

"You can have it. For a kiss." He held it above his head. You waste no time in kissing his cheek and pulling on his arm till you grabbed the cleaner and ran. His laughs chased your own as you both wrestled for a while.

Both of you laid on the living room carpet, just enjoying the close presence.

His heart was at peace.

I'm okay,

I'm okay,

I feel a little bit sick

You had began to notice how Jae had been getting more dull. A year had passed since the night you pointed out the letters. It began to go all down hill from there.

He gave you the same love and affection he usually did, but his eyes held no emotion to big events outside. Alcohol had started to replace meals and sleep.

"Jae you need to eat." You laid a hand on his shoulder softly. "I'm actually going to go grab a drink with some of the boys." And like that. He was out of the apartment. Yet, everytime he came stumbling in the front door with a stench that could repel nuclear waste, you nurses him into bed. Setting an aspirin and water next to his head. Most nights didn't wrap up until 4 am when you knew he was home safe.

You slept with your arms wrapped strongly around his body, afraid he would try to get up and leave to drink again without you noticing.

Mornings would be a rough time as you awoke to a sick Jaehyun who couldn't tell left from right. You were there were comforting words and endless services if bet only asked.

His guilt ate at his chest till there was a free falling feeling that would cease when he took his first shot.

He knew he was getting bad again. He knew he needed to get help but everytime he woke up to face an aspirin and a cool glass of water, the guilt made him drink even more the next night.

He sometimes wished you would leave him to make this easier on you. He wished you would fall out of love and go to bed before he got home.

He wished you didn't introduce yourself in the first place.

But have you heard,

The story of the guy who decided not to die?

Jaehyun got clean again. He started being more present in reality and eventually returned to normal. Sometimes he did get carried away with the alcohol but you were there to help him put down the bottle.

He started openly hanging out with his friends in large gatherings where he didn't mind starting the conversation. He got addicted on life again.

You were all out on a big dinner. You and the other women of the mafia men gathered in the social room while Jae and his closest friends talked and joked around in the parlor.

"Want another drink?" Mark asked as he nudged Jae's elbow. "No I'm okay. I hit my limit for the night."

His friends were the most supportive people that he originally thought wouldn't be. Once be reached his limit, they all switched to fruity drinks followed by water. "So I need your guys' help with something." Jae smiled, taking the blue chalk and rubbing it on the worn end of the billiard's stick.

"What's up, dude?" Johnny asked and all the boys tuned into Jaehyun and his request. "I want to propose to y/n." He said and the room automatically erupted in shouts and cheers. "Sssshhhh." He tried to shush everyone. They remembered the presence of the women in the building and quickly shut up.

"Y/n said she wanted a wedding in the flower fields about.." Jae recalled the previous conversation he had with you. "2 hours from here?" He said and Hyuck automatically knew which ones he was talking about. "It's going to have to be a spring wedding!" He said excitedly and grabbing a pad of paper and a pen from his pocket.

"Alright, lover boy, spill." He said knocking all of the pool balls out of the way, "hey we were playing!" Doyoung protested and Hyuck could only write down the location of the fields, "I'm helping our brother get a wife. Go play with your balls somewhere else." He back handed which caused the room to erupt in laughter.

"Okay. Now. I'm going to need time to get the catering. I'm thinking pork," Hyuck rambled writing down the possible ideas, "or is she more of a chicken person?" he continued which caused some of the boys to chuckle at the wedding-excited nature no one knew Hyuck possessed in himself.

"Also I need to find a cake. I would make it myself but we all know that these beautiful hands would be wrinkly by the time I'm done icing cake for 500 people-" "500?!" Jae said loudly which caused Johnny to slap a hand over his younger friends mouth. "Well duh. That's a minimum." Donghyuck shook his head, drawing a picture of what the cake needed to look like. "amateur."

"I need to get the ring first." Jae said quietly and Taeyong piped in. "Don't even worry about it. I'll take you in the morning to the jewler's to pick out the bands and diamonds. Maybe you could get an engagement ring with her birth stone then the real ring with yours and your wedding band could have hers." Taeyong started rambling ideas, Hyuck writing lightning speed on the pad of paper.

"I call doing the gifts!" Mark and Jungwoo said at the same time. "I'm nominating myself as the planner." Hyuck said writing the roles down. "I'll get the tuxes for us." Taeil nominated himself for the job with a smile. "We need to get Yuta and the rest of the boys up here!" Doyoung brought up a good point.

"Yuta will just bring baby supplies. We're not telling him until a day before the ceremony." Hyuck pointed at the boys but was met with a hit upside the head from Johnny.

"I have to find out the color palette. I'll go to Renjun and then I'll go to Jaemin for the fireworks- Jisung will be the flower girl." Donghyuck kept rattling off things he needed to get done.

"Thank you for giving me this job. I won't let you down." He finally said, laying a hand on Jaehyun's shoulder.

"Better not. It need to be perfect for her. Perfection deserves perfection." Jae said and some gagged while other coo'd at his unwithering love you for you.

The chatty hustle didn't cease as Johnny patted on Jaehyun's shoulder. "You okay?" Johnny asked with a smile on his face. Jaehyun couldn't keep the smile off of his own face. "Never better. On cloud 9." He said and Johnny's heart eased from the constant fear of Jae not being here the next day. But he didn't need to worry anymore.

"I actually need to ask you." Jae said finally putting the polished stick down on the table. "Will you be my best man?" Johnny's eyes lit up like fireworks as he brought Jae in for a manly yet friendly hug.

"I'm so proud of you, Jaehyun."

I'm enamored with the thought of seeing angels in the sky singing,

Singing, "Everything's alright."

Jaehyun proposed the next week. You both went out to an amazing and fancy moonlit dinner where you both danced and decided to start this new journey together.

Then two days after the proposal, he relapsed the worst he has ever had. Johnny found him in your guys' apartment and immediately called you and everyone who he thought he could help.

It's now present day and you can only look at Jaehyun with guilt in your eyes.

The funeral was held in the flower fields you both planned to get married in. The day was cold and dark but he had never looked so happy in his final resting place. "I'm sorry I couldn't give you the happiness you craved." You kissed his cheek before the lid was finally closed.

Now the marble had been set in place and you were alone again.

"I'm not mad. I'm jus-just so...so sorry." You wept, reaching out for him.

"I read the letter and can only ask. Why?"

The only things he had left was a damn note with the words, 'Sorry, My Dear' signing off the page as if he deemed it enough. As if his love had a capacity limit.

"I'm sorry you-you thought I was going to leave you if you told me you were so un-unhappy with life." Your stuttering didn't come to a stop as you could only imagine tears streaming down his own cheeks wherever he was in the universe. The feeling of being ashamed sent you reeling down where you had to support yourself on your knees.

The silent sobs hurt your chest as you had this free falling feeling in your chest getting more deeper. It was as if someone was pounding your chest with a drum mallot. Your heart was breaking as you felt a hand on your shoulder. Yet, you knew no one was there.

"You promised me forever." Your voice was shaky as you brushed the stray pieces of grass away from the marble in the ground.

'Jaehyun. Found happiness in where ours couldn't reach.'

"And I promise, Jae. I will love you...forever."

"And I'm so proud of you for making it this far." You whispered, fingers tracing his name on the polished marble for what felt like the millionth time.

You laid on the ground next to his resting place and looked into the vast blue sky where you imagined him reaching down to you; his soft voice that he used to sing you to sleep with carrying you with him to where you both could live happily ever after. You lifted your hands up as the tears came down.

"You did well."

[mirkwoodshewolf]

Burn; Current!Roger Taylor x reader

*Author’s note*

In light of Hamilton coming out on Disney+ today (watched it earlier this afternoon and WAS BLOWN AWAY!!!!!) I wanted to post this for awhile but never had the time nor did I think I was going to but I then thought screw it I'll post it in light of Hamilton. So this fanfic goes around "That would be enough" (If you haven't read that story GO READ THAT CAUSE SPOILERS!!!) but this time it's in YOUR POV. Plus this song had some heavy inspiration for a sequel-ish part of that fic. So I hope you all enjoy it and have a safe and happy 4th of July to my fellow American readers :)

You can read pt.1 here -------> READ ME

Taglist:

@plethora-of-things

@waddles03

@psychosupernatural

@ixchel-9275

@simonedk

@platawnic

@jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels

@queensdivas

@geek-and-proud

@kairosfreddie

@queendeakyy

_____________________________________________________________

I sat there in the pub trying to enjoy our victory at the Grammy’s with my Hamilton fam, but what Roger had told me just clouded my mind and it was all I could think about.  He was my dad. All this time I really did have a father, a freakin Rockstar legend no doubt.  The man I had come to idolize out of all the four members of my favorite rock band was none other than my dad.

What if he was lying? Maybe he know about this all along? Maybe he kicked my mother aside as soon as she told him? So many questions were buzzing through my mind.  So many what if’s and maybes that I almost was about to just start bawling right there in the club.

“(Y/n)? You okay?” I felt a hand at my shoulder and when I turned around there stood Lin.  His brown eyes filled with concern.

“Yeah. I’m fine.”

“You sure? You looked really out of it for a second there.” Said Renée.

“I’ll bet she’s still just star struck from having to sing alongside her favorite rock group. Am I right?” Daveed teased as he wrapped an arm around me and poked my cheek teasingly.

“Yeah how did it feel to be up there with Queen themselves (n/n)? You’ve always raved on about how you wished to perform alongside them.” Leslie said.

“Oh it was—amazing.” I trailed off. “Excuse me.” I removed Daveed’s arm from my shoulders and walked out ot eh club to try and get some air.

Once outside I was automatically hit with the cool winter LA air.  I took a left to the side of the club and leaned up against the wall trying to compose myself.  Of course I wasn’t gonna tell the guys what Roger just told me, no. This was my mess and they don’t deserve this gossip, but I’ve got to see whether Roger Taylor was either playing me for a fool or if in fact he really is my—father.

In the weeks that went by after the award season was done, I called up my mom’s brother and sister, my uncle Bobby and aunt Jodie to finally see just what the truth was.  I first arrived at my aunt Jodie’s home down in Sioux Falls and knocked on the door. The door opened after about five seconds and there stood my aunt Jodie, sheriff of the Sioux Falls police force.

“Hey, there’s my Tony award winning niece.”

“Aunt Jodie you know I didn’t win the award.”

“I don’t care you were denied that award. I’ve heard the album and I saw the show the day it came to Broadway and you were sensational!” I smiled and thanked her with a hug. “Come in, I was just making some coffee before I headed out to start my shift.”

“Oh well if you’re too busy we can talk later.” I said as I was gestured inside.

“Nonsense, besides I’m the sheriff I can come in whenever I want.” She bragged.  I shook my head playfully at her as she went into the kitchen and got the coffee poured out.  “So, you said over the phone that you wanted to talk about your mom, right?”

“In a way.” I said as I took one of the coffee mugs she soon came in with.  She and I sat down in the dining room and she said.

“Okay. What’s going on?”

“Look I’m just gonna cut to the chase. Is Roger Taylor my father?” her eyes widened and she gulped noticeably.

“Wow. That is cutting to the chase.”

“Aunt Jodie please. I’ve—been literally freaking out about this ever since he told me after the Grammy’s……”

“Wait, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. You mean you actually met him?”

“Is it true?!” I demanded.  Aunt Jodie set her mug down and sighed heavily.

“God (m/n) you should’ve told her the truth.” She muttered into her hands as she buried her face into them.

“So it is true? Roger Taylor really is my dad?” she turned to me with solemn eyes and took my hand in hers.

“Your mom and Roger were a couple. And they seemed really happy with each other, even from being across the world from each other most days until one day she did move to London with him. God I could’ve sworn they would’ve been married by the end of the year. But you mom showed up at my apartment one night, drenched in the storm that was here that night with a heartbroken expression.”

“So—did he…..dump her? Break her heart?” I snapped lowly.

“Truth be told, your mom left him.” I looked at her in shock. “Yeah. It was also when she told me that she was pregnant. With you. Roger’s child.” She said as she stroked my cheek.  I turned away from her and I said as I stared at my mug of coffee.

“Why the hell would she lie to me all these years?”

“Believe me sweetie. Your uncle Bobby and I tried to convince your mom to tell you the truth. Especially once you heard your first Queen song. And—” But before she could finish her statement, her phone rang.  She picked it up and answered in a firm tone, “Sheriff Jodie……yeah. Okay. Alright I’ll be there soon.” She hung up and sighed heavily. “Sorry sweetie, the team needs me to do a press interview and it can’t wait any longer.”

“I understand.” I said solemnly.

“Here.” She spoke after a moment of silence.  She went over to the living room where she kept all her books and reached the very top of it and pulled out a scrapbook.  “Take this.” She handed it to me.

“What is this?” I asked.

“Your mom got into scrapbooking while she was up there. It—has all the pictures of her and Roger together. She told me to hide this shortly after you were born, but I think now since you know the truth, you should take it.” She held it out to me and I took it.  “You know, if you don’t wanna wait for me. You can see your uncle Bobby. He might have some things to tell you.”

“Wait, uncle Bobby knows about this too?!” I said aghast.  “Did the entire family know about this too? Did grandma and grandpa know about this too?”

“No. Just Bobby and I as her siblings. In fact your grandfather tried to keep your mom away from Roger when they started seeing each other. Said that he was no good for her.” With that she forced herself to leave the house so that she could meet for that press interview.

“Mom—why didn’t you ever tell me any of this?” I sighed as I left aunt Jodie’s place and headed 30 miles north to meet my uncle Bobby over at his place.

I arrived at his home/garage shop and we were both sitting down in the kitchen. He was currently eating a steak and potatoes and he even asked if I wanted anything but I told him I didn’t have the appetite to eat.  I then explained to him everything that I had found out and it was then he gently lowered his fork filled with mashed potatoes and he said grimly.

“So you met your old man?”

“Got to perform with him actually. I know you really don’t do award shows except for the CMA’s but yeah. I performed alongside Queen and Adam Lambert at the Grammys back in February.”

“And he told you that he was your father?”

“Yeah. Aunt Jodie gave me mom’s scrapbook. Would’ve told me more but she had to do a press junket or something like that.”

“Always busy that little sister of mine.” He sighed solemnly. “Listen sweetheart; when your mom first started seeing Roger I knew a bit of his playboy rep. Then again what rockstar back then didn’t have one? I just told her to be careful. Sure I wasn’t all that thrilled with her dating a Brit but I couldn’t stop her. But when Jodie called and told me that she had come back home pregnant with you, I wanted to drag her ass back there and have her tell Roger what had happened.”

“So she left—because of me?”

“Of course not sweetie. Her reason was because of the fact that Queen was finally rising to the heights they had dreamed of. She—she was honestly scared of what Roger would say if she told him. Jodie and I tried to convince her but you know your mama. Stubborn as an ox. Much like yourself.”

He stood up and went to open a drawer and pulled out a small rusted box.  He set it down before me and he told me.

“While your mom could never physically tell you the truth, she tried to see if she could write you a letter. She wrote one every year on your birthday, but could never find the heart to give them to you. She also even wrote some letters to Roger.”

“Let me guess, and she entrusted you with this like she did with aunt Jodie for the scrapbook.”

“There’s also this.” He left and grabbed an envelope from the kitchen cabinet where he would usually keep bills at.  “This…..was the letter she wrote on her deathbed. She entrusted me to give this to you when you were ready. Well, guess now’s a good time as any.” He handed me the envelope and I held that along with touching the lid of the box to reveal hundreds maybe thousands of letters.

I tried to keep the tears at bay from the hurt I was feeling in my chest.  Uncle Bobby was silence for a moment before he said to me.

“Take your time when you read these letters.”

After a couple of months of finally going through all the letter my mum tried to write to both Roger and myself throughout the years, and finally able to see every single picture of her and Roger together I was numb.

I was the only one left up on stage since everyone decided to go out to eat for their lunch break before tomorrow tonight’s performance which would in fact be Lin’s last performance with us on stage.  I took out one specific letter that was actually written just a few days before my mom finally died of cancer, the letter that she was actually able to finish completely with supposedly the right words she needed to tell me.

I had read this letter so many times that I could recite it almost as easy as my lines and the songs from Hamilton.  I sat down at the edge of the stage and looked down at it before taking out my phone and went through my rehearsal track and found the instrumental version of Burn.

Much like I had done once before when I was betrayed by my ex-fiancé at the time I was to star in the show when it first came to Broadway, I sung Burn aloud to myself filling each verse with as much emotion and betrayal I was feeling inside.

However unlike before, I couldn’t help myself but mix up some words to what I would normally sing on stage.

Play video

*Me*

I saved every letter you wrote to us From the moment I read them I knew you were his He said you were his Which makes me his

Do you know what aunt Jodie said, When we saw your first record arrive? You said, be careful with that one, love He will do what it takes to survive

You and your words flooded my senses Your sentences left me defenseless You built me palaces out of paragraphs You built cathedrals

I'm re-reading the letters you wrote to me I'm searching and scanning for answers in every line For some kind of sign And when you were mine The world seemed to burn. Burn.

You published your works to the world You told me of How you brought my mom into your bed In clearing your name You have ruined my life

Do you know what uncle Bobby said When he heard what you'd done? He said, she’s partnered with an Icarus He has flown too close to the sun

You and your words obsessed with your legacy Your sentences border on senseless And you are paranoid in every paragraph How they perceive you You, you, you!

I'm erasing you both from the narrative Let everyone wonder how (Y/n) reacted When you both broke her heart You have torn it all apart I'm watching it burn Watching it burn

The world has no right to my heart The world has no place in your bed They don't get to know what I said I'm burning the memories Burning the letters that

Might have redeemed you both

You forfeit all rights to my heart You forfeit the place in his bed You'll sleep in your office instead With only the memories of when you were mine

I hope you both

Burn

“I haven’t heard you sing that song with that much emotion since your ex fiancé cheated on you.” I turned around and there stood Lin.  He took off his newsies hat and said. “You sure you don’t wanna tell me what’s going on? We’re all worried about you.”

“Just—some personal family drama Lin. You wouldn’t understand.” I said as I sat back down at the edge of the stage.

“I may not get it. But I am willing to lend an ear, if you’d like.” He said as he came up and sat down close to me.  His shoulder brushing against mine as his legs mimicked the same way mine were swinging.

“Why do you always have to make me succumb to your charms Lin Manuel Miranda?” he shrugged while giving me the puppy dog eyes.  I looked down at my letter before handing it over to him. “You can read it out loud if you’d like.”

“Are you sure?”

“It’s better than just you reading in silence. My thoughts will just attack me if there’s silence.” He took the letter from my hand and proceeded to read it.

“‘My darling (y/n). I’ve written this letter over a thousand times in both versions. I could never find the right words to say but with my time coming to an end, you deserve to know the truth. You know how you’ve always loved the songs from Queen? Well, it would seem fate has decided to let you hear them for you see your father is known other than the drummer of Queen.’ Whaaaat?”

“I know. In fact Roger Taylor himself told me he was my father right after the Grammy’s. That’s why I was late to celebration. I didn’t want to believe him, thinking he was a senile old man trying to mess with me. But—hehe turns out he wasn’t. I’ve got pictures from my mom’s scrapbook that she made while she was in London of her and Roger together. All domestic like or her being in the studio with them. And then my uncle shows me some of the many letters she’s tried to write not only to me but to Roger himself about this whole shitshow. So yeah Roger Taylor’s my long lost baby daddy. Surprise!”

“My god.” Lin said after a long pause. “No wonder you’ve been out of sorts lately. I can’t blame you.”

“I’m so confused Lin.”

“About what exactly?”

“Everything. My mom lied to me for so long. Not only to me but apparently to Roger as well cause my aunt Jodie said he never knew. But then again I feel this—utter hatred for Roger because he could’ve told me sooner the moment he found out. Or maybe it would’ve been better had he never told me at all. I mean—I never knew I had a dad. I always believe he never cared about me or my mom, or died of a drug overdose or whatever. It feels like—my whole life has been nothing but one big lie. My entire family knew this secret and yet I find out now almost 30 years later that my father is Roger Fucking Taylor. My idol and favorite member of my most favorite rock band!”

“That is seriously a lot to take in. I mean—if I were in your place I’d be reacting the same way. Lost, betrayed, confused, heartbroken.”

“I just—why would she lie to me? I thought we told each other everything, and she goes and hides for all my life of who my real father was.” I sighed heavily. “You know; I used to always come up with the worst scenarios of why I never had a father. It’s all ranged from the basic ‘you get rid of the baby or I’m leaving you’ scenario. To overdosing or whatever. Or just dying of cancer or some shit like that. But no he’s been living his life as a Rock god. I mean—I should hate him but……he never knew. But then he did, how?”

“Well from what I can tell, and from the pictures you’ve shown me of your mom, you both look similar in a way. But your actions is what really makes you like your mom. I’ve seen all the plays she’s been in as a dancer or ensemble and you have that same fire as she did on the stage. It’s like—you both were made for it.”

“But I guess I get it from both of them.”

“Yeah, you do.”

“Still I—I feel so angry with her for lying to me.”

“And it’s okay to be angry. And like you said, Roger didn’t know either. He was kept in the dark about it just as much as you were. But maybe when you got to know them along with Adam it might’ve brought some memories back.” He scooted closer to me and allowed me to rest my head on his shoulder.

“What do I do now?” I asked defeated.

“Well there is one option, but you’re not gonna like it.” We looked at each other and I said.

“You’re right I don’t.”

“But you’ve got to. (Y/n). you can be angry about this but don’t stay mad about it forever. Remember he didn’t know either. It’s not like he packed up and took off. Just tell him how you really feel. I’m not saying you have to accept him and call him dad as soon as you see him. Just—tell him you want to take things slow. Maybe go out for coffee or well tea since he’s British.” I softly laughed at that last remark. “Now there’s that fabulous smile my Eliza is known for.”

“Nice touch calling me my character’s name.”

“I know my Eliza like I know myself.” He shrugged.

“You know that’s Renée’s line right?”

“Yeah I know. Remember I wrote the script.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. C’mon Alexander, I’m hungry and we’ve got an until rehearsal.”

“Sure thing, let us spread our wings and fly away.”

“Okay now you’re just showing off.” I playfully shoved him as we left the theatre and went to go get lunch.

After another couple months, which made it four months since Roger Taylor told me the truth, I found myself in London to where I had told Roger and discussed with him with what I was feeling.  He said he was willing to go at whatever speed I needed in order to process this whole thing.

One day after seeing them perform at MSG, Roger and I were sitting together at Central Park right by the Balto statue having a cup of coffee together.

“So what’s new with you my dear?”

“Well…..I’ve been giving this some thought. And—I think it’s time I announced my leaving of Broadway’s Hamilton. Maybe even leaving Broadway all together.”

“Really? What made you decide that?”

“Well. Truthfully I’ve been thinking about……moving to London.” He turned to look at me and I turned to face him.  “Now before you say anything I know I should be thinking about this but I have. My aunt and uncle don’t even live remotely close to me so there’s nothing really tying me to New York. And also, I was—hoping that now that Queen’s done with touring for now, maybe you and I could……spend more time together.”

“I would like that very much.” He said with a warm smile. “I just hope you aren’t doing all this just for my sake. Like I told you before, I’m willing to go at your own pace.”

“And I thank you for that Roger. Truly I do. But…..I gotta stop giving into this anger that’s been festering up inside of me. After all you didn’t know about my mom being pregnant when she left you. And—I guess I just need some time away from home.”

“If you need a place to stay until you get on your feet. Or for even longer than that I will not say no to it. You can stay with Sarina and I. We’ve got more than enough rooms.”

“Thanks……..dad.” he looked at me surprised and he said.

“You—you actually called me…..”

“I figured it was about time I did so. I—hope I didn’t make things….”

“No, no, no, no, no not at all love.” He hesitantly reached up towards my face before he finally placed it up against my cheek.  I closed my eyes and leaned into his palm. “God. You’re—the perfect mixture of both your mother and myself.”

“You know, Daveed always teased me about just how much I looked like you when you were in drag for the I want to break free music video.” He laughed.

“Oh god that was a fun day on set. Probably one of my favorite videos to shoot.” I smiled softly at him and leaned up against his shoulder and said.

“Do you think they would’ve liked me? John and Freddie I mean.” I felt Roger sigh heavily and he said as I felt his arms wrap around me.

“There’s no doubt in my mind Freddie would’ve tried to spoil you. And John, I’d bet he’d be trying to turn you against me.” I softly chuckled and embraced my dad and nuzzled my head into his shoulder.

The two of us hugging each other finally sitting together as a real father and daughter.

[chilling-seavey]

There Goes My Life - Chapter One

A/N This is the sequel to my previous novel Anything But Mine! You can read this novel as a stand alone but it will make more sense if you read the original first! Everything is tagged in my masterlist! If you want to be added to my tag list, shoot me a message! Happy reading x

Summary:  It has been 18 years since ‘Anything But Mine’ ended and 19-year-old Clementine is now heading back to university for her second year, now accompanied by her 18-year-old sister, Penelope. Penelope soon notices that her older sister isn’t the same level-minded girl she was while living at home; having a bit of a personality change when living away at school. Things only escalate when a wrench is thrown into Clementine’s life, and she starts to question everything she ever knew to be true, almost tearing apart her family in the process.

Note: This story and the whole Anything But Mine universe, is based off the song There Goes My Life by Kenny Chesney. I recommend listening to it because it’s such a sweet song and sums up Daniel’s relationship with Clementine and his girls so well. 

Saturday, September 4, 2038

The single lane highway was framed with sprawling farmland and full green trees under a clear blue summer sky. It was September 4th and therefore the beginning of a new school year, the silver Audi driving eastward and packed full of two loads of suitcases, taped up boxes, and a few too many bags. Three teenage girls were squished together in the backseat, singing along to whatever song was on the radio. Clementine was on the right, her dark blonde hair tied back in a ponytail, sipping her strawberry lemonade between lyrics. She was ultimately calm, smiling at her little family whom she loved with her whole heart with her arm linked through her little sister’s. Lucy took the middle seat since she was youngest at merely fourteen. She took after her father with her musical talent, her pitch perfect voice filling the car impressively. As they got closer to the urban landscapes, she slid her hand into her middle sister’s who was sat on her left, offering her a gentle smile. Penelope returned it, giving her sister’s hand a small squeeze before looking back out the window; she was more than excited to be starting university with her older sister there to help her out. That was until they pulled up to the old stone campus and reality started to set in.

It wasn’t as busy as it would be since they chose to move in early. Daniel and Florence knew that their second oldest would start to panic with such a quick turn around before classes as well as being thrown into meeting so many people all at once. With Penelope, early was always better.

It didn’t seem to make any difference on her nerves as her family climbed out of the car once they parked outside the residence building but she stayed frozen in her seat, eyes glued to the old stone building towering in front of her. She slowly raised her hand to her mouth and bit anxiously at her fingernail. The car door opening startled her.

“What’s wrong, bug?” Daniel whispered, leaning down next to her as the other girls were unloading the car.

“I don’t want to do this.” Penelope breathed, her voice wavering. She glanced up at him with tears brimming in her blue eyes.

Daniel sighed, crouching down next to her, and pressed a hand to her cheek, “It’s what you’ve always talked about, Penny. You’re going to be featured in the MET before you know it.”

“But I can’t do that without you guys.” Penelope protested. “I-I just can’t.”

“Yes, you can. You’re going to absolutely kill it. And you won’t even be on your own…Clementine is going to be with you. You know she’ll be there to help you with whatever you need. And if you really need me on a weekend I can come down and take you for lunch, okay? We’re only a phone call away.”

Penelope nodded, sniffling quietly.

“Just take it one step at a time, bug. Everything’s going to be just fine.” Daniel whispered, leaning in to press a kiss to her head. He unbuckled her seatbelt for her and held out his hand for her to take.

She smiled softly and took his hand, following him around the car to the sidewalk where all the bags were piled.

“Let’s get a move on, Nell. Life won’t wait around for us.” Clementine clapped her hands together a few times through a wide smile, handing over her backpack.

The family of five made their way into the lobby of the residence building with their many boxes and bags. Clementine waltzed right up to the front desk.

“Clementine Seavey, signing in.” She announced proudly.

Her shyer sister stood a little behind her, leaning on her suitcase as she felt like her legs were going to give out.

“Go on, sis.” Clementine nudged her once she received her key.

The lady behind the front desk smiled tightly at her.

Penelope cleared her throat and took a step forward, leaning her arms on the top of the desk, “Penelope Seavey.”

The lady typed her name into the computer and then shuffled through a box of small envelopes before passing her one, “Room 302. The stairs are just down the hall on your right. Welcome to Queen’s!”

Clementine was already halfway down the hallway by the time Penelope turned around.

“Wait for your sister, Clem.” Daniel called through a laugh, draping his arm around his middle daughter’s shoulders as they followed after her.

There was no elevator in the old building so each suitcase and heavy box had to be pulled up the stairs one by one. By the time everything was brought to the third floor, they were all no less than exhausted. Clementine still powered on, finding her room down the hall; 310. Lucy scurried behind her, pushing her four-wheeled suitcase at top speed.

“You’re going to break it.” Clementine laughed, giving her youngest sister a small shove and pulled her bag inside her empty room. “Make yourself useful and go get my other stuff.” She pinched her cheek.

“Do you want to stick with Clementine and help her move in if we take care of your sister, Lu?” Florence asked.

“Sure thing.” Lucy smiled, overloading her arms with Clementine’s way too over-packed boxes before stumbling back down the hall.

Penelope looked down at the envelope in her hands that had her full name scrawled out in cursive handwriting along with her room number. She ripped it open and pulled out the key card, taking a small breath before swiping it in her door. The lock clicked and she pushed it open, stepping inside.

The room was tiny but comfortable with a double bed, a desk and a chair, and a full closet and set of drawers with a window that overlooked more of the residences and the sports field in the distance. Penelope sighed and turned around to rest against the window ledge.

“What do you think, bug?” Daniel asked, setting her suitcase in the corner.

“It’s not home.” she shrugged.

“If it was too nice, you’d never come back to us.” Florence joked. The eighteen-year-old cracked a small smile as she looked to the carpet, tucking her dark hair behind her ear.

“We know you’re going to plaster these boring white walls with pictures within two days. It’ll feel more comfortable soon.” Daniel added, bringing another few bags in from the hallway.

“Yeah.” Penelope sighed, sliding her backpack to the floor beside her desk.

“What else can we help you with?” Florence asked.

Daniel set his hands on his hips, “We can make your bed for you…or hang up your clothes…”

“I’m okay.” Penelope assured them. “I can do that.”

“You’re okay if we head out already?” Daniel asked quietly.

“Yeah.” She nodded tightly, keeping her eyes on the ground.

Florence and Daniel exchanged worried glances.

Penelope’s nose scrunched up a little before she let out a soft sob, covering her face with her hands.

“Oh, bug, it’s okay.” Daniel sighed, wrapping his arms around her tightly. She tucked her arms around his waist and buried her face in his chest, trying to steady her panicked breaths as he ran his hand over her hair.

“Once you get into a routine, things will be easier.” Florence added gently. “And you’re going to do so well.”

“Make sure you talk to your sister, okay? Tell her if you need anything.” Daniel said. Penelope nodded.

“She’s gonna be just fine.” Clementine said from the open door. “We’re always good together, aren’t we, Nell?”

Penelope smiled and nodded, wiping her eyes as she pulled back from Daniel’s hug, “That’s what 15 years of sharing a room gets you.”

“We’re so proud of you two.” Florence sighed, holding out her hand to the eldest. Clementine joined their little group hug.

“Wow, glad to see I’m the least favourite.” Lucy rolled her eyes as she walked into the room.

“Get over here, Lu-Lu.” Penelope chuckled, pulling her little sister into her tightly.

“I can’t believe you’re both leaving me to deal with high school alone.” Lucy whined, draping her arms over her sisters’ shoulders. “And to deal with them alone.” She nodded towards their parents.

“Hey!” Florence frowned. “What’s so wrong about us?”

“Nothing.” Daniel tisked, grabbing her cheeks to kiss his wife’s lips.

“That!” Lucy smacked her hands over her eyes. “Ugh! I’m just a child!”

“You get to the car before I smack you.” Florence laughed, swatting at the dramatic youngest as she ran shrieking out of the room.

She turned back to the two eldest, pulling Clementine into a hug first to say goodbye, Daniel taking Penelope into his arms again.

“You work hard this semester, okay, Clemmie girl?” Florence whispered. “You always do. You make me so proud.”

“Thanks, mum.” Clementine chuckled.

The girls switched parents, Clementine pressing a kiss to Daniel’s cheek before hugging him tightly.

“Take good care of yourself, angel.” he said, offering her a gentle smile.

“You too, dad. I love you.” Clementine stuck her tongue out at him and he returned it, a little thing they always did ever since she could remember. 

“I love you too, my girl.” Daniel grinned, hugging her once more before the two sisters were left to their own devices.

Clementine turned to her eighteen-month-younger sister and smiled widely once the door closed, “Welcome to Queen’s. Welcome to your whole new life, Nell.”

Tag List: @ur-local-limelight​ ~ @thebestyoullneverhave​ ~ @badbunnypr​ ~ @calumhoodiskindahot​ ~ @sothisisathingforsomereason​ ~ @jocelyntheduckie​

[camillemontespan]

ten years from now [AU. drake walker x camille montespan] [twenty two: the big picture]

Master List

A/N: Oh my god, I hope this is a good chapter. It’s long because it had to be. But I hope I did it justice, especially after the cliffhanger I so evilly wrote in from the previous chapter!  I’m going to hide under my duvet now because I feel weirdly nervous to post this one - I think Drake and Camille both took over. 

There may be two more chapters depending on how I do this. Otherwise, expect the next one to be the finale. I’m not sure yet.

@ibldw-main​​​​  @pug-bitch​​​​​  @jovialyouthmusic​​​​​ @katedrakeohd​​​​​ @rainbowsinthestorm​​​​​ @emichelle​​​​​ @dcbbw​​​​​ @sirbeepsalot​​​​​ @notoriouscs​​​​​ @burnsoslow​​​​​ @marshmallowsaremyfavorite​​​​​ @gardeningourmet​​​​​ @pedudley​​​​​ @marshmallowsandfire​​​​​ @princessleac1​​​​​  @kingliam2019​​​​ @drakeandkatherine​ *********************************************************

Drake sat on the floor of the hallway, his back ramrod straight against the wall, as he waited for Camille to open the bathroom door. 

His mother and sister were out, thank God. Drake was worried they would have been home and he didn’t want Camille to feel more nervous than she already was. But they were out and Drake was now sitting in silence, waiting for Camille to open the door so he could take her hand and wait for the result of the pregnancy test.

He tried to think about his reactions. If it was positive or negative. He wanted to be supportive, regardless of the result. He wanted Camille to feel safe and secure, no matter what the test said, and he wanted to be there for her. 

If the test was negative, then they would simply place this memory in a box and never open it again. They could call it a ‘close call’ and get on with building a life together. That would be the easy route.

The harder route was more complicated and something Drake was trying to wrap his head around.  Just a few months ago, Camille was engaged to another man. That finished and just as quickly, Drake had told Camille that he loved her. He had told her, in no uncertain terms, that he wanted to marry her and to have babies with her. He had told her that he wanted to celebrate every 4th July with her.

Had he meant any of it? 

Of course he did. 

He wanted to raise children with Camille. He wanted miniature versions of her, beautiful little girls with brown eyes, speckled with golden flecks. Little girls who he could worship, just like he worshipped their mother. Little girls who he could watch Disney films with and read stories to. Little girls he could teach to fish and how to make s’mores. Little girls who would have Camille’s kindness. Little girls who would be independent and fierce and strong like the women he called his family and girlfriend.

But he couldn’t allow himself to get his hopes up. Not when he had no idea how Camille was feeling on the other side of the door.

********************

‘Drake?’

Camille beckoned for Drake to come into the bathroom with her to wait. The test perched on the edge of the sink, taunting them. Taking a deep breath, Drake took Camille’s hand and together, they sat down on the bathroom floor, resting their heads against the wall as they waited. 

‘I’m here for you no matter what,’ Drake told her softly. ‘Whatever the test says, you’ve got me.’

Camille nodded, trying to stop tears from filling her eyes. Her heart was hammering in her chest. 

If the result was positive, how would she feel?

She couldn’t help but feel that this was the worst timing. She had just ended an engagement. She was trying to settle down in Texas to be with her new boyfriend but now, it felt like life was coming at her like a car that had lost control, careering towards her with no sign of braking. All she could do was brace for impact. 

This moment was supposed to happen in.. five years. Yeah, five years. That would have been perfect timing. She and Drake would have lived in a house for a long time and their relationship would have gotten stronger. They would be married, actually. Babies were on the horizon. 

She did want a future with Drake. She wanted to have his babies. She wanted to see him as a father, teaching their kids how to ride their bikes and helping them with math homework. She wanted to celebrate 4th of July with her little family, while Drake wore his 4th of July crown and taught their children how to make s’mores. 

But that was all supposed to happen years from now. 

*****************************

The alarm on Camille’s phone trilled, making the two of them jump. Drake cleared his throat and gave Camille’s hand a squeeze. ‘Ready, kid?’

Camille swallowed. ‘No,’ she said. ‘Oh god, Drake, can you look for me? Please?’

Drake bit his lip but he stood up anyway, reaching for the test. He cast a look at Camille who looked like she was going to faint. 

He sighed. ‘Do you want me to tell you quickly? Like, rip the band aid off? Or do you want me to tell you gently-’

‘Band aid,’ Camille interrupted. ‘I need to know.’

Drake stole a glance down at the test. He looked quickly back at Camille.

His expression gave nothing away. 

‘Band aid, Drake, band aid!’ Camille cried, her voice rising. ‘Just tell me-’

‘It’s positive.’

*****************************

There was a horrible, thick silence. 

Camille stared down at her trembling hands. Drake stood stoically, the test clutched in his hand. Neither wanted to be the first to say something.

Camille couldn’t take the silence any longer. ‘Are you sure you read it right?’

Drake let out an exasperated breath. ‘The test says 5 weeks! You got the test that tells you in words!’

Camille turned red. Drake sighed, wishing he hadn’t gotten frustrated. But her reaction hadn’t helped things. He wanted to hear her express happiness or even regret, not: ‘Are you sure you read it right?’

He looked down at Camille. ‘How do you feel?’

She swallowed. ‘I.. It’s a lot to take in right now.’

‘I get that,’ Drake said, trying to keep his voice steady. He would not get upset right now. He would not break down and tell her that he wished she was jumping for joy. He would not make her feel bad.

Camille looked up at him. 'How do you feel?' she asked. 

Drake couldn't give her an answer. Her reaction had completely offset his planned reactions. 

He watched as Camille stood up shakily. ‘I need to think about this,’ she said in a low voice. 

‘Camille, wait-’

‘This isn’t a reflection on you,’ Camille told him, trying to keep her voice level. ‘I just need to think about how I feel about this. I.. I want you, Drake. Don’t think I don’t. But this is all so fast and it’s terrifying..’

Her voice was cracking now as tears spilled down her cheeks. Drake could only listen helplessly as Camille word vomited.

‘I was engaged a few months ago and planning a wedding. Now, I’m pregnant! I was never expecting this to happen. I do want your babies, Drake, but I just thought that would happen years from now! We’re supposed to be house hunting, live together and go on dates. Not buying baby clothes and attending doctors appointments! It’s just too much and I’m so scared that we’re not ready-’

Drake grabbed her by her arms. ‘Camille, stop word vomiting,’ he said. ‘Breathe.’

Camille inhaled and exhaled. 

‘I’ll give you time to think about this,’ Drake murmured, not once taking his eyes off hers. ‘I’ll be here, whatever you decide to do.’

Camille nodded mutely. Drake squeezed her hand and let her go. Camille leaned up to kiss him softly on the mouth; Drake could feel his heart sinking.  Camille left the bathroom, leaving Drake standing helplessly.

He tossed the test in the rubbish bin and slumped down on the floor. 

Why did it always feel like one step forward, two steps back with her?  All Drake wanted was for them to just keep walking, hand in hand, taking every step that brought them to a new destination. Why was that so hard?

****************************

Gisele heard Camille burst into the house, slamming the door. Sighing, she slowly got to her feet and leaned on her crutches as she walked into the hallway. 

‘Mon cheri, no slamming the door-’

She stopped. Camille was sat on the floor with her back to the front door with her head in her hands, her body shaking as she cried her heart out. 

‘Petit chou? What’s wrong?’

Camille let out a wail. ‘I don’t know what to do!’ she sobbed, her breath coming out in gulps.

Gisele closed her eyes. She wished she wasn’t reliant on crutches right now because if she could, she would sit down beside her granddaughter and wrap her arms around her. 

‘I can’t sit down with you..’ she admitted. 

Camille wiped her eyes harshly and looked up at Gisele. Gisele blinked; in that moment, she looked just like Gisele’s daughter. Gabrielle. Gisele’s heart tugged. 

‘I’m pregnant,’ Camille said. ‘It’s Drake’s.’

‘Oh mon cheri!’ Gisele cried. ‘This is wonderful-’

‘And so not part of the plan.’

Gisele stopped talking. Camille was shaking her head, looking far from delighted. Slowly, Gisele sat down on the stairs opposite the front door and gave her granddaughter a steady stare. 

‘Camille, life never plans out the way we expect,’ she said. ‘That’s the beauty of it.’

‘But-’

‘Did you imagine breaking up with Liam? Cancelling a wedding? Moving back to Texas?’ Gisele asked. 

‘No..’

‘Then why are you fixating on plans? Darling, I think you need to stop following the rule book of your life. You don’t have to have the husband or the house with the picket fence or the two children.’

‘But I do want those things, just not right now!’ Camille burst out. ‘It’s not the right time-’

Gisele raised a hand, stopping Camille from word vomiting again. 

‘You never plan for this sort of thing,’ Gisele told her softly. ‘You can’t, not really. Do you think I was ready when I found out I was pregnant with your mother? No. I was a secretary taking home a tiny pay packet while your grandfather was working at a tailor shop. We lived in a tiny apartment -it wouldn’t have even been charming if it was in Montmarte, if I’m perfectly honest- and we were always having our electricity shut off. But I didn’t think about timing or plans. Instead, I thought of what life could be like. What our life could be like.’

Camille stared at Gisele with a shocked expression on her face. Her tears had dried. ‘What could it have been like?’ she asked in a small voice.

Gisele smiled. ‘Happy.’ 

*****************************************

Drake was lying on his bed staring up at the ceiling when someone knocked on his door. 

‘Drake?’

It was Savannah.

‘Not now,’ he groaned. ‘Not a good time.’

‘Drake, I’ve just been in the bathroom and found something.’

Drake bolted up. The test. He had thrown it in the rubbish bin. Savannah must have seen it. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

The door opened and Savannah entered looking very nervous, which was a new expression he hadn’t seen her wear before. 

‘So.. the rubbish bin..’

‘Sav, not now,’ Drake muttered. 

‘Well I’m not pregnant and I’m fairly certain mom is past it-’

‘Savannah, fucking stop,’ Drake interrupted. He wasn’t in the mood for her probing. He just wanted some peace and fucking quiet, thanks very much. But Savannah never wanted peace and quiet; she always had to know what was going on. 

‘Drake, is it yours?’

Her voice was so quiet. She was trying to be gentle.

Drake sighed and rubbed his eyes. ‘Yes,’ he finally said. ‘It’s mine.’

Savannah sagged down onto the edge of the bed. ‘Where’s Camille?’

‘She needs to think.’

Savannah nodded, looking down at the floor. She was clearly trying to think of what to say. Before she could speak, Drake sat up to look at her directly. 

‘She freaked out,’ he admitted. ‘She said it was all too much and she was terrified. I’ve seen her freak out a bunch of times, Sav, but this one really takes the cake. She said she needed to think about this and that she loves me but it wasn’t part of her plan. Like, it’s too soon. But who cares about plans? Nothing in life works out the way we want it to so we may as well just go along for the ride..’

As Drake talked, he realised with horror that his voice was getting thicker and his breath was catching. He could feel his heart racing and his words flooded out of him; word vomit.  Savannah could only listen as her brother spoke honestly and without a filter. 

‘I want her to be my forever,’ Drake whispered. ‘I want us to be a family and if that means having a baby right now, well, fuck it. I want us to be happy and I know that our life together could be so good if she just let herself go with the flow. She can be so serious sometimes but deep down, she is easygoing and carefree. But she starts to overthink everything and I have to help her see the bigger picture-’

‘So help her see the bigger picture,’ Savannah cut in, fixing her brown eyes on Drake’s. ‘You’ve done it before. You’ve told her how much you love her, you got the girl. You can do it again!’

Drake was about to protest but Savannah bulldozed through. 

Drake, when I got pregnant with Bartie, do you feel I shouted from the rooftops? Fuck no. I fucking panicked. I didn’t know what to do and so I left. I couldn’t see the bigger picture because there was nobody there to help clear the fog. Maybe if there had been, I would have seen something more vibrant and different.’

Drake frowned. ‘But you kept Bartie..’

‘I did,’ Savannah said. ‘Because I felt I had to. Not because I wanted to. But thank god I did because he is the best thing that ever happened to me. When he was finally in my arms, it all clicked.’

Drake was silent for a moment. Savannah reached out to take his hand; Drake didn’t pull away. 

‘She is freaking out right now and she is right to be,’ Savannah murmured. ‘You need to be there for her, regardless of what she decides to do. But it’s also your life, Drake, and you have a say in this. If you want this baby, tell her.’

**************************

Drake and Camille didn’t see each other until the following day. They both thought that space was needed and rightly so. Camille thought about Gisele’s words while Drake thought about Savannah’s. 

As Camille packed up her backpack, she steeled herself for what she was about to do. After a sleepless night, she finally had the words and the thoughts she needed to talk to Drake. 

She couldn’t lose him. She had lost him once before and she wasn’t going to do that again. 

The backpack held two presents for Drake. Camille hoped he would like them. 

****************************

She found him at their usual place; the jetty by the lake. That seemed to be the place where he liked to be alone and think about things. He was sat down, looking out to the water, as the sun shone down on him. 

Camille cleared her throat. Drake looked over his shoulder; his eyes widened when he saw her standing there. 

‘Hey,’ he greeted her awkwardly. 

Camille sat down beside him and they sat for a moment in silence. Camille felt like she was going to be sick again; from the baby or from nerves, she wasn’t sure. But she instantly felt her body relax when she felt Drake wrap an arm around her shoulder. 

‘I want to talk to you,’ Drake murmured. He kept his eyes fixed on the lake, as did Camille. For some reason, staring ahead of them meant they could feel braver and be more honest. Camille reached up to take his hand that was slung over her shoulder, squeezing it gently. Encouraged, Drake began to speak.

‘You know how I feel about you,’ he said. ‘You know I love you. I’ve told you before that I see a future with you, one filled with endless summers, 4th of July celebrations and happiness. I still see that, Camille. I still see you being my wife and raising a family with you.’

Camille let out a shaky breath. Drake continued, not wanting to stop talking. 

‘I know it’s a lot to take in right now,’ he said. ‘I know you’re freaking out and that’s totally understandable. It does feel like it’s a bombshell that we weren’t expecting. But before you do anything, I just wanted to let you know that I want to be by your side through all of it. If you keep this baby, I want to be there with you. I want the doctor’s appointments, I want to paint a nursery and fill it with baby toys. I want to feel the baby kick and I want to hold your hand when you’re in the delivery room. That’s nine months of moments, crazy moments, that I want to be there for. But I also want to be there for the whole lifetime.’

Camille listened to him with bated breath, too scared to make a noise in case Drake stopped telling her such wonderful things. Because they were wonderful things. She was feeling calmer as he poured his heart out to her.

‘Just think,’ he said. ‘If it’s a girl, she could look like you. An absolute beauty queen. But she could have my smirk, obviously. We could teach her how to make s’mores and we would go camping for family trips. We would celebrate 4th of July at the ranch; she could jump off this jetty and swim in the lake if she wanted to - though she would have to wear armbands first! We could take it in turns with the school drop off and live in a house nearby that has fields outside so she could run around and go crazy. My mom would visit every Sunday with a casserole dish and she would dote on her granddaughter. Your grandmother could try to teach her French, make her the little French student that you never were! Camille, there’s so many things that we can offer this baby. It doesn’t matter that it’s too soon - hell, our lives haven’t panned out the way we were expecting but I wouldn’t change it. Except maybe when we broke up, I mean I would change that in a heartbeat but you know..’

Drake was word vomiting now. He was aware that his voice was getting quicker and he was panicking. As if she could tell, Camille grabbed his hand, forcing him to stop talking.

‘Drake,’ she whispered, now turning to look him in the eyes. ‘I have something for you.’

Drake blinked. He had just poured his heart out to her and she wasn’t even acknowledging it? 

He watched as Camille unzipped her backpack. She pulled out a bottle of whiskey. Drake rolled his eyes. ‘I’m not in the mood to drink..’

She shook her head and took out a parcel wrapped in paper, tied with a bow. She handed it to Drake. ‘The whiskey is for after,’ she told him. ‘Open this.’

Drake’s fingers shook as he unwrapped the parcel. Camille watched him with nervous eyes, unsure if this was a good idea. 

He gasped. 

It was a yellow baby gro with a marshmallow embroidered on the pocket. 

‘Camille..’

Camille smiled through tears. ‘You’re gonna be a daddy, Drake.’

***************************

Drake was speechless. As he studied the baby gro and grazed the embroidered marshmallow with his finger, he listened as Camille began to speak. 

‘I know this wasn’t part of our plan,’ she said. ‘Well, at least not for a few years. But you’re right. We can’t plan for life, it doesn’t often work out how we would expect. A few months ago, I was engaged to another man and planning for a life in New York. Now, I am with you, settling down in Texas, expecting a baby. It hit me without warning and I’m sorry I freaked out. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad, I just panicked.’

Drake swallowed. ‘I understand why.’

‘But I couldn’t see the bigger picture,’ Camille pushed on. ‘But when I was lying awake last night, I tried to visualise a new future, one that I couldn’t exactly plan for, but it was one that could be possible. And that future had you. It had us, together, with a family and being happy. That is all I want, Drake. A simple life filled with babies, love and s’mores. I want everything you have just told me. I want to teach our kids how to ride bikes, how to swim, how to ride a horse. I want to see my grandmother teach our kids French. I want to see Bianca being unable to stop cuddling her grandkids because you just know she is going to love them so much.’

Drake chuckled. ‘Jesus, she really would.’

Camille smiled now. ‘I want everything with you. And it doesn’t matter if it’s happening now, or five years, or even ten years from now, I want it all with you. That’s what matters. You matter to me, Drake. I’m sorry if I ever made you doubt that. I won’t do it again.’

Drake’s eyes filled with tears; he wasn’t a crier, not really. But he felt overcome with emotion as he processed her words. Without speaking, he pulled Camille into him and held her tightly. 

‘I love you,’ he whispered into her hair. ‘Fuck, I really do love you.’

Camille let out a sob. ‘I love you too.’

Drake let her go and looked at her through watery eyes. ‘So we’re doing this?’ he asked, his voice shaking. ‘We’re having this baby?’

Camille nodded. ‘We’re having this baby.’

Drake let out a whoop, relief filling his soul. He grabbed hold of her and kissed her all over. Camille burst out laughing, letting him cover her face with kisses. When they finally pulled apart, Drake spoke. 

‘When did you get the baby gro?’ Drake asked.

‘This morning,’ Camille told him. ‘I wanted to give you a present and this seemed perfect. You’re a marshmallow, deep down. This baby gro seemed apt..’

Drake smiled, stroking the embroidered marshmallow. ‘So we’ll have a baby marshmallow.’

Camille grinned.  ‘Exactly. Our little marshmallow.’ 

[mae-the-4th]

Helmet - A Mandalorian Story

Author: mae-the-4th

Fandom: The Mandalorian/Star Wars

Timing: A few weeks after Season 1 of The Mandalorian

Warnings: none, just a bunch of fluff and a bit of angst

Author's Note: It's about time I wrote a new story! Felt like doing a Mandalorian one. I hope I do these characters justice. Please feel free to correct anything I may have gotten wrong. Enjoy!

xXxXxXx

The Razor Crest was quiet, the humming of the engines the only noise. The kid was asleep in his box, and Din could finally have a moment to himself.

His helmet stood proudly next to the bowl of soup on the table, silently judging the walls and ceiling of the ship. It's owner sat behind it, bare-headed, sipping soup and thinking over what the Armourer had said just those few weeks back.

She had told him that the Child was a foundling - specifically, his foundling. He would protect it, care for it, perhaps train it someday.

In other words, Din Djarin, fierce Mandalorian warrior, fearing throughout the galaxy, was a father.

Din was certainly familiar with the Mandalorian foundling program - he had been one himself, many years ago. Any child alone and without a family, the Mandalorians would take them in as one of their own, no questions asked.

This is the Way.

Din rubbed his temples and sighed. He had always been aware that he might be in charge of his own foundling one day - but not so suddenly or under such circumstances. Yet he couldn't find any regret or reluctance in him faced with looking after the kid. The womp rat was useful in a tough spot - the fact that Din was sitting in his ship, alive, was proof of that fact. And, yes, the kid was cute. Din could admit he had a soft spot for the green creature, anyone could see that. In a recent hologram transmission with Cara, she had pointed out that exact fact herself.

The almost daily transmissions with Nevarro was a distraction both occupants of the Razor Crest looked forward to. Greef Karga would update Din on the latest events - constantly praising Cara on her job as his enforcer, even though she protested that she was just doing her job. Her modesty was definitely something Din liked about her. Usually, Din and Cara would take up the most time during the transmission, chatting long into the night about recent events, the kid, and past battles. Occasionally, when topics were particularly hard, they would both break out a bottle of spotchka. On one of those nights, Cara had admitted to Din that it was nice to talk about past battles with him. That it brought some sort of closure for her, in a way. After almost no hesitation, Din agreed. He told her that he trusted her, both with his life, and with his past. He told her things that he'd never told anyone before.

He told her about his family. He told her about his life before he put on his helmet.

And Cara, recognising his trust in her, replied with stories of her life on Alderaan. Of her dream to be a healer before she became a killer.

Any time these stories came out into the open, Din slept easy that night, knowing her could trust his comrade, his best friend.

Din sighed again, rubbing the stubble on his chin. It was late, or at least the clock that showed Nevarro time told him it was. Din quickly finished his soup, reaching for his helmet-

And froze. And stared.

The kid stared back.

Din's eyes flickered down to his helmet, the visor accusing. His eye jerked back to the kid, breath hitching. Wide brown eyes flitted over Din's features and his wrinkled forehead furrowed.

An eternity later, Din finally found a way to work his mouth.

"Kid," he croaked. "Um-"

His voice seemed to have jostled the kid from his scrutiny, because the child took a step forward, a big grin on his face and holding out hands to be picked up. Not knowing what to do, Din just stared at him - until he thunked his helmet down onto the table and flopped onto his chair, his head in his hands. Fingers gripped dark hair and Din realised his hands were shaking. The kid toddled over and grabbed his leg.

"Da?"

Din barely heard him. All he could think about was how he had broken his oath - how he betrayed the last few remaining members of his Creed. He had let a living creature see his bare face.

"Da?"

His whole life was now a lie. Every ounce of respect he had worked for was now gone. He could never place his helmet back onto his head. He could never call himself a Mandalorian again.

"Da!"

Din peered through his fingers down at the kid. Tiny arms clung to his leg and he stared up at the man. The grin that was there before had vanished, confusion and worry replacing it. Din slowly reached down and picked the kid up.

"Don't worry about me kid. You shouldn't have to worry. That's my job as a father."

Father.

He was the kid's father.

Din choked back a sudden laugh, a disbelieving smile adorning his face. The kid cocked his head.

"I'm your dad! We're literally family! No rules about helmets there." The kid gurgled. "That means I can put it back on, kid. That means I can still be me." Din looked over at his discarded helmet. Unconsciously he tightened his grip on his kid, hugging him to his chest. The little womp rat smooshed his face into his shoulder in reply, a giggle escaping him. Leaning back and reaching up, Din's kid ran a three-fingered hand over his father's face, feeling the stubble on his chin. His hand moved upwards to the mustache - and pulled.

"Ow!" Din laughed. "That hurts, kid. But honestly, I don't mind much. It's about time you saw the real me."

xXxXxXx

FIN

[outoftheframework]

a lazy review of “birds of prey”

spoilers below!

Score: 5.5 “hi-ya!”-s out of 10

I wish Harley had burned the “Daddy’s Little Monster” shirt off screen so I never had to see it again with my own two eyes

I loved how out of all the DCEU cameos that could have potentially happened we just got a picture of Jai Courtney’s Captain Boomerang 

Cassandra’s character would have been 1000x better for me had she not been named Cassandra Cain. I just kept comparing her to the comic character that I wanted to see. Even keeping her exactly the same and calling her Stephanie Brown or even an original name instead would have been leagues better.

The only reminder of this movie that will survive through the years is the new wave of Harley Quinn cosplayers taking inspiration from her outfits.

How did Renee take off her shirt, put on Harley’s corset, and then put her shirt and blazer back on over it without Harley noticing and before Black Mask’s goons broke in?

Weird to think that child Cass has a kill count of two and they both were very violently killed by explosion.

I cared about Canary and Huntress’ stories a lot more than Harley. I wish they got more screen time for a movie originally branded with the main title of “Birds of Prey”

I’ve been waiting for Jason Todd on the big screen in every DC movie and today I left disappointed again. I don’t know what I’m expecting anymore

All in all enjoyable and a step, however big or small, for female-driven movies. The film comes in a post-Endgame world so I feel like any box office would feel small compared to the highest-grossing movie of all time

What could have made it 10/10?

Either go all-in on Harley or make it a Birds of Prey movie

Harley has more name recognition so I feel like the first option could have been a bigger box office hit

If both need to be involved, the idea as a whole would have worked better if the Birds of Prey were already established characters. There’s a reason “Guardians of the Galaxy” wasn’t “The Guardians of the Galaxy and the World-Saving Dance Battle of One Peter Quill”

Go all in on the weird and quirky

Remove the narration and give Harley “Fleabag”-esque 4th wall breaks

Expand more on the “Diamonds are a Girl’s Best Friend” sequence

It was meant to show how Harley is attracted to alpha males/being bossed around. That could have been sewed into the rest of the narrative for a more complete characterization.

Commit to costumes / makeup

I really liked Harley’s character design as well as a lot of the sets in the film. I wish more of the costumes matched in playfulness. I know it was a statement on how she stands out, but this is a story from Harley’s point of view. Seeing the world from her skewed perspective could have offered something unique.

I’m not sure the non-linear narrative contributed much to the story. I would take a classic structure with more of a focus on characterization and growth over quirky time skips and rewinds.

Let me know what you guys thought of the film / if you agree or disagree with any of my points. I had a good time watching this movie!

[spongeguyandlelouchvibridankia]

SpongeGuy Reviews Every Disney Cartoon Ever!: Amphibia (1.1A and 1.1B): “Anne Or Beast?” and “Best Fronds”

AMPHIBIA! AMPHIBIA! MY FAVE GORL ANNE! AAAAAAA!

...Ahem. Let’s stay professional. I can hug my adopted daughter later.

Amphibia is one of the most underrated disney shows ever, telling of the exploits of Anne Boonchuy, a 13 year old teen who winds up in a world of talking frogs, toads, Newts and Salamanders. She ends up with the Plantars: Grandfather Hop Pop; Fiesty pollywog Polly; and Anne’s first real best friend Sprig.

This show is important to me for many reasons: It features my all time favorite disney character Anne, it was one of my favorite shows when it aired (and still is), it became a basis to my fave fanfic of mine and it led me to find my sister.

So yeah. Pretty good. ;)

SUMMERIES:  “In the town of Wartwood, located in the land of Amphibia, populated by anthropomorphic frogs and various other creatures, young Sprig Plantar takes the chance to prove he's responsible when One-Eyed Wally comes running into town warning everyone about a horrifying beast. The 'hideous beast' is revealed to be a human girl named Anne Boonchuy, who has been magically transported into their world. After Anne saves him from a giant mantis, Sprig sees her as a hero. Anne later gets captured by an angry mob of frogs led by Mayor Toadstool, but when two new giant mantises attack she and Sprig work together to defeat them. After beating the bigger of the two mantises, Toadstool suggests running Anne out of town. Sprig stands up to the mob, taking responsibility for her well-being. The Plantars take Anne as their own to everyone's chagrin. Anne now lives with the Plantar's until the valley clears up in a couple of months. In the last scene, Anne pulls out a box that got her there in the first place and tries to get it to work. However this time unlike before it doesn't work making the box looks like a normal one. This troubles Anne, causing herself to resign to her current fate saying to herself "Looks like I'm gonna be here for a while."

“Wanting to help Anne with her homesickness, Sprig takes her swimming at the lake. But Hop Pop locks the door to keep Anne inside. Anne and Sprig would then grab the key and open the door. While swimming at the lake, they face off a giant snake. After fighting the snake, Anne finally sees Sprig as a good friend. Meanwhile, a mysterious toad interrogates Anne's fellow human friend Sasha who has also wound up in Amphibia where the toad had found Anne's other shoe in the South Forest.” 

COMEDY: 5 Out of 5 (”Anne or Beast?”) and 5 Out of 5 (”Best Fronds”)

I pointed out in my Fish Hooks review that the mid-late 2010′s and early 2020′s Disney cartoon has a very unique sense of humor, a sort of quick fire bantery character quirk dialogue heavy 4th wall breaking style of humor. And man does Amphibia master it! The amount of great character moments (Polly’s toughness, Hop Pop’s paranoia, Sprig’s madness and Anne’s perfection) add so much to what would normally be pretty run by the mill plots. Add to that the lovely absuridty and randomness to the jokes, the Gravity Falls esque out of context gems and lovey facial animation, and every joke lands! Both episodes have countless great moments, from voice acting to slapstick to witty humor! A sure fire perfect 5 for both!

CHARACTERS: 5 Out of 5 (”Anne or Beast?”) and 5 Out of 5 (”Best Fronds”)

Ok, ok, I get that my bias is showing a bit, and I get that this might seem strange. The pilot and sister episode already have perfect characterization? That seems impossible!

And in an odd way, it is: Anne is definitley less kind than she is in most of the series, Sprig hasn’t yet earned his flaws (outside of absent mindedness) and Hop Pop isn’t really himself yet. Polly of course is very much in character!

Yet, that’s the point of Amphibia: Across a season, the characters change and show other dimensions to themselves. Anne becomes less selfish and more thoughtful and kind to others, Sprig develops some flaws, Polly shows her softer side and Hop Pop as well warms up to the people in his life. And it’s a testement to the good writing in play that despite these characters arguably at their simplest, they still manage to be lovely and entertaining!

Anne and Sprig especially! The hints of their better kinder selves are fully on display, while still having larger than life personlaities. Anne shows many instances of a good person hiding behind fear, insecurity, and rowdiness, and it just...

Look, when Anne sits there in her new room, appreciating her new friend who saved her life, and hoping Sasha and Marcy are ok, because she is, and she smiles genuinely, and shows that underneath all this there is a very lonely girl who just wants the people she loves to be happy and to love her too, and now she is getting that, and giving back for the first time...

That gets me, ok?

Point is, Anne is a wonderfully complex character who can be selfish, but deep down is a good person. I love that.

I love her.

STORY AND HEART: 4 Out of 5 (”Anne or Beast?”) and 5 Out of 5 (”Best Fronds”)

It was almost perfect, and I really only docked a point for Anne or Beast? because it isn’t THAT good (some characters aren’t well defined and it’s not the best story, though a good moral). But this just comes so close to perfection. The mature looks at how friends can be toxic, and how two slightly self centered people desperate for love can find friendship by being kind and respecting each other are just really important for kids, and there is something so real, so alive in the show, it feels like we are Anne, living in this place and trying to get by. There’s not much to say here; Amphibia is just that good at portraying a family that’s becoming better as people, and, er, frogs.

FINAL SCORES: 14 Out of 15 (”Anne or Beast?”) and 15 Out of 15 (”Best Fronds”)

The two best episodes of the animated rankings so far, and a near perfect start: Amphibia is a modern masterpiece, and while not every episode is a dead ringer (we’ll get there soon), it’s gonna go down as one of the best! Hope you enjoyed my geeking out!

Next time, we have Special Agent Oso, a show I don’t have the highest regard for, but I’m willing to give a try! It was important to many little kids, so maybe I’ll like it! Also Mr. Moseby is in it, so there’s that.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/194d3gsPrhlOsFPYsXU-lJirY4sWncrBl/edit#heading=h.gjdgxs