#I feel like such an abuser for not being able to give you everything. I'll do what I can and pray that it's enough

[hermitsdump]

chat am I cooked

[insolentgod]

reminder extremely tough and maybe a little harsh.

a lot of folks gotta work themselves to death just to have a halfway comfortable life, some don't even have the basics. many will have to do crazy stuff for money and others dream of giving their loved ones a good life but can't. some will only be able to see luxurious lifestyles on phone screens or in other people's TikTok accounts. and others don't even have the money to pay for internet to see that.

lots of people will spend years hating themselves, hating their appearance, personality, social life, social status, skills, everything about themselves. many live with insecurities, feeling like a supporting character in their own story, some have things that bother them but it's "impossible" to change them so they'll just have to live with it. others spend a fortune on surgeries or treatments to change something about themselves, and many die because of it.

many people will have to live trying to recover from traumas and bad things that hit them, without knowing how to simply erase them from their lives, and unfortunately, some prefer to end their own lives so they don't have to live with those burdens.

many people will have to face horrible diseases, some they simply can't get rid of and others that are incurable. suffering, waiting for a miracle to free them from this torture.

some folks may never achieve their personal goals and dreams, out of fear, lack of opportunity, lack of means, or because they think it's impossible for them. so consequently they will have to surrender to a mediocre life that they hate.

many people will have to spend years in shitty relationships without knowing how to get out, others will see the love of their life being happy with someone else, others will think that love only serves to deeply hurt them, and others will accept horrible things from their partners because they think they don't deserve anything better.

a lot of folks unfortunately live out there lonely, without love, without a good social circle, without friends, with an abusive family, with people who don't want the best for them, with people who only hurt them and make them think that's what they deserve.

you might think I'm a jerk for talking about such harsh examples and I'm sorry if I hurt anyone, but damn..

all these examples I mentioned are really sad and they leave us with a heavy heart thinking that a lot of people go through this. I think everyone deserves a dignified and happy life, you deserve a dignified and happy life. you don't deserve to be like those people in the examples I mentioned, and you're not. because you have a key in your hands. it's like life is a damn game and you have all the hacks and cheats to simply WIN and do whatever you want, while other people don't even dream of that or are too skeptical to try.

but you know what's funniest about this? it's that this shit ain't just any game, it's your life. it's literally your damn life and you're there playing with the law? saying "oh I can't" "oh persisting is too hard" "I think I'll never have my desires".

girl, I'll kill you if you keep thinking like that.

there are folks who just don't take the loa seriously, and that's why they never fulfill their desires!!!!!!!!!!!! and they won't have anyone to blame for their failure but themselves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the LOA community is very small, discovering about it was extremely lucky. so tell me a good reason why you know about it and simply can't manifest? exactly. there isn't one! you can and you should.

I'm not here to judge your difficulties in manifesting (even if I judge everything and everyone), because having difficulties and keep trying is one thing and simply giving up and saying "I can't manifest" is another.

it was a blessing from the universe, God, higher power, whatever you believe in. you discovering LOA was the damn greatest blessing of your life, don't you see that? don't you really see how blessed you are? maybe in the past you've been through hell, but now, my love, the sun is shining for you, you just have to want to shine. unfortunately a lot of people will never have that luck, there are people who would kill to be blessed like this. so please, I beg you... use this tool and have the damn happiest life you can, enjoy it and stop playing with the law.

tell me what do you really want? a true and light love? have a look that would never make you feel insecure again? being the pride of mommy and daddy and having their love? having that beautiful house and a happy family? finally healing from depression or other mental disorders and finally being able to live to the fullest? friends who really care about you? want to meet that idol you've been a fan of for a long time and that everyone thinks your passion for him is silly? want to live in that country far away from everyone? want to stop feeling that guilt or any other bad feeling that has been tormenting you for a long time? want to be truly happy for the first time in your life? want to be rich, a millionaire, billionaire, trillionaire? or just have enough money to lead a comfortable life and never have to work again? go ahead, tell me what you want. you can have it.

stop suffering, you don't deserve to suffer. enough torture. take what's yours and move on. you're strong enough for that. the game ain't over for you, you can't just give up like that. the game is yours, it obeys you, and it ends when you decide. take freaking control.

i suffered a lot in life, i hope one day i have the courage to tell you about my success here. and I simply don't know what I would do without finding out about LOA, just thinking about it fills my heart with gratitude. I feel like a winner. you deserve to feel this peace of having won too.

God bless you. take care of yourselves and put your head to work.

i ain't that selfish. if you need some backup, im here for you, babe. I wanna see you win. 🌟

[lani-heart]

|| series masterlist || next // previously ||

genre(s) -> angst, fluff, non-idol, hybrid au, poly au paring(s) -> ( eventually ) ATEEZ x reader warning(s) -> mention of harm words -> 1.3k

abstract -> healing takes time...

y/n’s perspective

“His memories are still all over the place, it could be a trauma response that his brain has blocked him out from,” Doyoung said and I knew at this point this was true. 

“We’ll have checkups every few months but amnesia isn’t always a happy ending,” he said and I nodded as I was led out to the waiting room.

“You really tied your own hands up when you adopted troublesome hybrids' ' I heard and I turned around to see Chenle. I smiled… “I don’t regret getting them, I love them a lot. They also make me happy. '' I said and he chuckled. “I guess that's all that matters' ' he said and I nodded. 

“I remember how upset you were… with the whole break up,” he said and I sighed. 

“Doesn’t matter anymore… it's almost been a year anyway” I said and he chuckled. “You’ve been busy even after starting a book after so long. I heard he got a hybrid, too though? Something about his family taking in the mother of his family’s hybrid?” he said. He didn’t even like hybrids…

“Here she is” I heard and I saw Jaemin with San. “Take care of yourself,” Chenle said and I nodded as I took San. “How was it?” I asked and he looped his arm with mine as we walked down the street. 

“Find… all the memories I don't remember… is it better if I stop wanting to remember them?” he asked while looking down. 

“Why don’t we find somewhere to eat huh?”

san’s perspective

She took me to a cafe I think I heard Wooyoung talk about. It seemed familiar. She ordered us some food and he stared at me for a while before she decided to speak. 

“You know… you always wanted to come here?” she asked and I was shocked. “Really? Why… did I never come?” I asked and she gave me that sad smile she’s been giving me recently. “Look at the door,” she said and I did… What was so special? 

“It has a bell,” she said and I looked at her confused. “You used to not be able to stand the sound of bells… it caused a negative trigger” she explained. “I know you said I was in a hybrid ring where they made hybrids kill each other… Was I a bad guy?” I asked worriedly and she smiled. 

“No… you’re the sweetest hybrid I could ask for '' she said and I was relieved that she said so but something that didn’t stop haunting me suddenly resurfaced. “Then why did I hurt you?” I asked and she sighed.

“Because you hate humans and what they did to you. You thought I'd be the same” she explained, but I shook my head. “I feel comfortable with you though… I love being around you, why would I ever…” I trailed off feeling my vision start to blur. 

“Here’s your food” I heard as the waiter put our food in front of us. An iced tea and chocolate pancakes… “You really liked chocolate I found out… but if you don’t like it I'll–” “Thank you… you seem to know so much about me” I said and she smiled. 

“I like to think I do,” she said with a soft smile and I nodded. “I’m just sad… I don’t remember much about you. I just know how I feel” I confessed and she nodded. “Well, who says you can’t ask me again?” she asked and I couldn’t help but smile. 

“You’re so patient… thank you,” I said and she nodded. “Always”

I know all of the hybrids back home hate humans. Wooyoung was abandoned and called annoying or anything similar all his life besides when with her. He’s known her the longest and we’ve been friends since we met. Yeosang absolutely hates the higher class… but is insanely involved with her. I know the tigers were abused all their lives to perform dangerous stunts. 

Not all humans were the same… she was really kind. I know I could trust her with anything and have never felt unsafe since returning with her. 

I also know I made her my mate… I was her first hybrid. I belonged by her side. 

As we made it to the apartment I decided to ask… 

“So should I just stop trying to remember everything?” I asked and she sighed. “One time you told me… you wish to forget everything that used to make you sad or angry. So… it’s your choice and whatever choice you choose I'll still be here” she said and I nodded. 

“y/nie! Sannie!” I heard Wooyoung as he talked to me in a hug. “Everything is okay Wooyoung. I brought some food” she said. She mentioned that if she was getting food for me she’d have to get it for everyone… She truly cared for everyone. 

I know I hurt her… but that didn’t make her scared of me. I’ve seen how her friends look at me and the orange tigers… but she always seems to reassure me. 

While Wooyoung called for everyone, I decided to pull aside the tiger… “Can we talk?” I asked and his eyes shook but nodded. He avoided me more than everyone else. Even the white tiger made an effort to befriend me.

“Are you alright?” he asked and I nodded. “I don’t remember much but I feel annoyed by you…” I said and he nodded, not surprised. “Can… we get along?” I asked and his eyes widened with his tail suddenly twitching, catching him by surprise.

“Why all of a sudden?” he asked and I sighed. “She… she seemed to forgive me for hurting her and I know she also forgave you. I wanted to try following her example” I said and he sighed. “You don’t have to forgive me. What I did–” “Was just as bad as me apparently… I don’t remember much but I do remember hurting her. We both were wrong about her huh?” I asked and he nodded. 

“I will never forgive myself for what I did,” he said and I chuckled. “Neither will I,” I confessed. 

“Can you make me a promise?” I asked and he nodded eagerly. “I know you try your best to protect so please… When I'm not by her side and I'm often not, I don't like leaving the apartment. Please continue to protect her” I asked and he smiled.

“You didn’t have to ask that,” he said and I smiled. “Thank you, hyung!”

y/n’s perspective 

The panther was more cuddly than usual. He was already asleep, hugging me in his sleep when I heard a knock. 

“Come in,” I said and I saw Hongjoong. “Need anything?” I asked and he laughed. “I don’t think you can offer anything while trapped by San,” he said and I noticed slowly he started calling everyone by their name. Not panther… nor doberman… nor fox. San, Yeosang, and Wooyoung he’s been calling them.

“He seems to be getting better,” Hongjoong said and I nodded. “I’m glad he is… he’s more energetic too,” I said and he chuckled.

“He forgave me,” he said and I felt my eyes widen and even a smile grow on my face. “I know… he’s okay,” he said, letting out a small laugh. “You and Seonghwa are getting along with everyone… I’m glad” I said and he nodded. 

“Thank you… truly for adopting s even though I’m trouble” he said and I offered a smile. “I’m glad… I enjoy the chaos” I said and he smiled. His tail swished back and forth happily. 

“I did have a request though,” he said. “Anything,” I said and he chuckled. 

“Well… now that Wooyoung is in the process of moving into San’s room… could I possibly get my own room?”

@wonuangel @danirael @angelsaway @krissroo @minkysmilk @mayonnaise-on-toast @robertsbbygirl @superbbananananana @hyukssunflower @kitty4hwa @justconniez @senpai-of-doom @kibs-and-bits @caityelise99 @ilovekinny @ateezennie23 @wooahaelemons @purplelady85 @watamotee33@chidess97 @littlelostdemonofthelight @maliamaiden @burntarm1n @spooo00oky @eastleighsblog @momo-peachy @kitstar1117 @quartzpirate @sunnyhokyu @iwishiwasrichasfuck @theginger543210 @pandolinka @ddaeing @kpopnightingale @slid3er @kekdo-520 @puppyminnnie @sparklinghwa222 @calicanbeevil @itsvxlentine @atinism @loumin908 @smally97 @rxnexxi @acetruepunk @majesticbeluga @namjooncrabs @tashizxy @itstheghostofmypast @smilefordongil @teeziny @totallynotlyntv @kyeos4ng @prodsh00ky @acescavern

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[kujiba]

;MAY THE LAND CONCEAL YOU, DEAR GRACE;

୨୧ — ꒰ gn!reader | they/them prounouns| Sagau | cultish behavior

A/n: AHHH I'm so happy rn!! Tysm for the people who reblogged/liked my posts!! I'll give it my all(๑˃̵　ᴗ　˂̵)و

Tw: mention of Drugs, slight mention of abuse, Gore/ Torture warning

Hint!: theres a secret message by the end :3

Tag list: @vianitry

One / Two / Three / Four / Five

Countless of people bustled and gathered at the nation of eternity; Inazuma by a letter delivered to them personally. Who had formed this festival you may ask? Why it isn't no other than their 'grace' themselves! Rooted from their tender heart, their 'grace' had devise one of the most largest festivals ever recorded in the history of Teyvat.

A bard who sang songs to a small audience, that small bunch turned into a group, and a group switched to a crowd as they were all allured by its melody and how graceful the youthful looking man's fingertips strummed his lyre.

Yet the bard had his attention elsewhere, he had purposely gathered this much attention to try and lure in his beloved target. One will say that this man's slyness is like a strong gust of wind passing by you, you'll see him one second and he'll dissapere the next.

"I wonder where you're now my grace? Don't you worry though. The wind will tell me everything... So don't try and escape me again."

Yet elsewhere, a mature looking man had drawn many bystander's attention on his various dialouge's and stories connecting to the past. The man's intellect about various subjects putting numerous academic experts to shame.

His silky smooth hazel hair flowed as a small breeze passed by him, with a short hum he placed down the jade tea cup on the umber wooden table after narrating a story about some magnificent individual who he still greatly admired till this day.

The crowd surrounding him praised and clapped on his knowledge about such distinct topics that not one single person had ever heard of yet, it was as if he was there to witness it all happen closely.

Eventually a random passerby had become curious enough to ask the intellectual man a question that had been lingering in their mind's for a while.

"Sir, may I ask, but who is this person you highly speak of in your stories?"

"Who they are? Well, they are an old companion of mine that I cherish deeply."

The man chuckled as the memories flooded through his mind, every breath and second he had spent with them was deeply engraved into his mind and stored for centuries. Even now after countless years, he could still vividly remember his first encounter with them.

"Who knows, maybe I'll come across them today."

No... Not maybe, the man was confident they will cross paths today, he will do whatever it takes to be in their presence once more and be able to touch their soft and delicate skin.

He will do anything, to make that happen.

...

'Woah, I never knew Zhongli was this obsessed with someone' You looked at the man dumbfounded by what you had heard.

You previously just got teleported into Inazuma and had to experience the 10 stages of adhd since numerous guards began hunting you down for NO reason at all.

To your luck you managed to slip into a thick crowd concealing your presence and being able to wander around the lively and bustling streets for a little bit.

From what you had gathered by the citizens gossiping, this is a festival hosted by someone named 'their grace', literally nothing else but 'their grace'.

'Poor unfortunate soul... Your parents must've been drunk when they named you such a strange name.' You shaked your head feeling a large amount of pity towards the person you haven't even met yet, that is aside from the numerous tales passed around about this grace person being a kind and pure soul.

You sure wana meet them! Maybe they could help you a bit in your situation with the guards.

While you were busy with your thoughts, you suddenly noticed the crowd began moving forward. Turning your head you could see a vague small silhouette of a person standing on top of a statue.

'Isn't that highly dangerous? What if you slip and fall?'

During your criticization for the lack of safety the person was doing, the crowd abruptly began going wild with people shoving others aside to get a better view whilst doing other drastic measures just to even get a sight of the person bestowed upon them.

Confusion striked you like a truck on full speed, you began avoiding the mob of people the best you can as they started getting physical with others, yet you still couldn't even put your finger on who that person on the statue was and how important they are to the people.

Was it a character you haven't met yet in genshin? Or possibly a secret character? You didn't have a clue.

But that's when it hit you.

That must be the grace everyone was talking about! Goddammit why wasn't your brain working earlier.

"Gotta ask them to have their guards stop following me.."

...

'That's right, continue to scream my name, for I alone am the one who transcends above you all.'

Their grace's mask was consisted of an image where they are portrayed as a pure hearted, selfless and kind to the other people... Or what the people of Inazuma had made.

People had already lost their minds after the dissaperance of their god.. Their creator. So when a so called 'creator' stepped forward suddenly all the people in inazuma has had their brains wiped off clean.

Their 'grace' had always thought of themselves worthy of this position.

And it wasn't just because they felt like it. When they had died from an accident, they were then reincarnated as a noble in Inazuma. But they all knew too well that this wasn't the case, they were the chosen ones, they were the right fit for this 'creator' or whatever.

There were some times where people who had worked for their grace experienced several abuse from them, but that must not be the case right? They must've been on the edge or had a bad day, It was their fault for trying to intervene and making their Graces condition worse.

But the people still choose to turn a blind eye on it, they're not stupid of course since before; the very moment the Imposter arrived their suspicions grew larger and larger each passing day.

All of that just to disperse once people began to find out something that is special from the Imposter and not like the rest; how they bring peace through the citizens minds just by being around their presence.

Though, none of them are aware that this was just an old trick by using drugs that originated from the Imposters home land and wasn't widely known yet throughout Teyvat. The very same drug that people had thought was a 'Divine Blessing'

Thankfully, not all were deceived by this petty trick from the Imposter. Only non-human races like gorou, kirara, yae miko and Arataki Itto could immediately tell it wasn't any blessing. The ones aware desperately tried to convince the people it wasn't any blessing and that they should avoid the Imposter, but they were quickly shut down.

Gorou was forced to be silenced as his own men didn't believe any word he spoke, kirara and yae mikos voice wasn't heard by anyone. Itto had gotten arrested by the Tenryou Commission when he spoke about it to Ayato and Kuki Shinobu, claiming he was too stupid as well as he was being a traitor to their grace.

The Imposter had made a perfect drug and made it their natural scent, the drug paid off since many people who used to be depressed had turned more joyful... Or should I say high.

'Majority follows' . If a small bunch turned into a group and grew more and more, people would choose to go with the flow and begin to worship the Imposter just cause it's the one with the more people.

It was only natural that the Imposter would immediately become one of the most worshipped person in less than 10 days, even the puppet Raiden Shogun chosen not to obliterate them immediately with her polearm.

But alas, a mind could be darkened when given too much.

Greed will overtake your mind and soul and corrupt your well-being, The Imposter wanted more and more. Because this was the life that they deserve after living in complete poverty back in their home land.

Everything was going as planned

...

Except one. A person who looked like any other civilian among the sea of crowds stared at the Imposter with curious and worried eyes.

And the Imposter stared back at them as well.

For a moment it seemed like their worlds came to a stop, the crowds cheering and roaring all began to go silent in their ear's.

The other who stared in pure innocent eyes, being the complete opposite of the Imposter. How could such person have a comfortable presence? The crowd must've thought the loving and warm feeling came from the Imposter, but the source of it all was just right beside you.

Pure and caring eyes that looked over at every fiber and piece of your body with such gentleness, if someone went to hell but saw those eyes, those damn eyes. They would brag about seeing heaven before them in real life.

Anyone could fall for them in a moment, but not the Imposter. Not them, they felt disgusted as the person stared at them with those putrid eyes, they hated the nauseating feeling in their stomach the more they stared at them.

But it's okay. Since every necessary situation is planned before hand, if this person was going to become a thorn, best to cut it clean off the stem right?

【Warning!! Your fate is being realized! Number of threats approaching: 4】

死亡

'Your fate is being realized?' you stared at the text typed out by the system plastered on the blue screen making your eyes slightly twitch.

You were just trying to get a closer look at their 'grace's appearance but it felt a bit off, why did they stared at you like you had just done the biggest crime? The uncomfortable vibe was unbearable so you broke eye contact with them to avoid further awkwardness.

'Sheesh, better hope I'm not in their bad side, the guards are already a pain in the ass' You complained inside your head to relieve some weight off your shoulders, it wasn't your goal to get more enemies than you already do... Cough mondstadt...

But back to the message from the system that was still flashing across your face, what confused you to the brim was the sentence 'number of threats approaching': 4

Was it more monsters? Or maybe some people from mondstat already caught up to you...You shivered greatly at the thought of facing the acting grand master again, but also another topic popped up inside your head.

What could diluc be doing?

Before you were teleported, you swore you heard him scream 'Your grace' at you but you brushed it off thinking it was just some kind of weird respect name to make up from the trauma he had kindly given, but now at some coincidence there was a person at a large platform named 'Their grace'.

You thought this was just an ordinary reincarnation.. But its likely it's not anymore.

Getting manhunted for no reason, abnormal cult like mannerisms between the people, the system calling you some sort of 'God' and a completely new character you have never seen before in the main storyline of genshin impact.

As you listed down the numerous unusual casualties that had happened, the corner of your eye grasped something strange—then your eyes widened immediately and grasped the dendro vision dangling on your hip.

It was flickering.

Your vision was flickering, there would be a beautiful viridescent color then it would turn a dull grey.

You didn't have a single idea why this was happening, in the lore of genshin; all visions would turn a Grey hue when it's owner dies, but you were far from being dead. You dont feel anything strange courisng through your body and felt healthier than ever

You took a deep breath, going over to focus your energy into the core of your body to try and summon your personal companion, Taube.

Your eyes expected the same soft and snow white feathers the Dove was covered in like last time, but to your suprise Taube changed.

It's feathers weren't so bright and snow white anymore, but a dark and deep shade of black covered it from head to toe like some sort of virus.

What happened to it? Was it because your vision was flickering and that's why Taube looked so exhausted and famished?

Concern washed over your body along with dread for the poor bird, however just as you tried to puzzle more and more of the clues given to you, a new message appeared from the system.

【Would you like to transport back to Earth? System 444 has sensed great amount's of errors on the story

Yes — No】

Everything felt like it was going too fast.

You stared bewildered by the sudden offer, why now at all times? Isn't this a bit rushed? Was the errors the clues you picked up on?

There was already too much on your plate with the warning of threats, your personal companion dying, and your vision beginning to fade.

Million's of questions flooded your head and your breath began to quicken, your chest heaved up and down greatly as well as deep panting coming out of your mouth. Since when have you felt your clothes grasping your body tightly? Breathing is becoming harder and harder by the second.. Every attempt to calm yourself down failed miserably

Genshin Impact was a game you truly did enjoy, but now you felt nothing but dread over the past few days even up until now. You would always fantasize about meeting all your favorite characters in the story, but having to go through all the pain was something you can't handle.

Your hand trembled with anxiousness with your fingertip drifting on the glowing blue screen barley inches away from pressing it.

But just as you were going to press 'Yes', someone's hand heaved your wrist tightly and hauled you back from the sea of people.

The back of your head hitted on something soft yet also hard.. Like someone's body? With a slight groan you fluttered your eyes back open deciding to gaze up on who dragged you here and interrupted you at the most important things.

【The god of wind is looking at you】

Another message from the system appeared in which it didn't even took you less than a second to realize who's body your head hitted.

Venti looked at the blackened dove resting on your arms then made his way up to your face. He gave you a smile, intending it to be soft and comfortable but only came out as creepy and nerving making you tremble at the God.

"What a lovely dove."

You thought he was talking about your personal companion, but why did it felt like he was talking about you?

Venti never once broke eye contact making the atmosphere more and more unbearable by every passing minute.

You tried to speak but only silence left your mouth for you couldn't think of much to say to the anemo god.

'This is so awkward...'

In your perspective, Venti must have been feeling awkward just like you but the truth is far from that, he instead was still captivated and mesmerized by your appearance. If Venti were to spend the whole day staring he would absolutely do so without a second thought.

But now another text was delivered to you from the system reading; 【The god of Contracts is looking at you】

Okay now that was just too obvious for even yourself. Your (color) eyes scanned the surrounding area till you spotted the brunette man you were looking for.

Zhongli sat at a stone table by himself while he drank his siganture tea on the jade cup. The two of you made eye contact with each other from afar, from a third person's view it was just some normal eye to eye interaction.

However this made your skin crawl by how predatory Zhongli's pupils looked at you only, as if he was about to grab you by the neck in any given moment—Like a dragon circling it's prey by using its gaze and body alone to suck the life out of the poor victim.

And that poor victim just so happened to be you! Seriously when will you break free from all these chaotic situations?

You averted your eyes from him but unconsciously began to fidget with the hem of your sleeves since it was a personal habit of yours to do so whenever you felt an uncomfortable vibe. Your arms then hugged the dove; Taube, closer towards your chest for comfort and a bit of security.

'I wanna leave...'

Venti Pov

'How strange, That pesky lizard really can't keep his eyes off what's mine'

I had been waiting centuries for your return dear grace, but now the wind had finally reunited me with you! yet the geo god dare stand in my way?

A small wind vortex began to emerge out of my palm as the winds began to pick up around us. (Name) slightly tumbled by the sheer power but I acted quickly and catched them tightly by the waist, Yet the feeling of their body around my hand caught me slightly off guard

Have they always been this delicate and soft? Their skin felt so warm around my hand, I've almost forgotten how you felt in my arms dear grace, but not to worry

I won't ever let you go now

Your Pov

'What have I gotten myself into...'

The wind began to pick up for no reason so I slightly tripped on my feet, yet venti catched me so damn fast!?

I'm pretty thankful for the save but... Don't you think you're holding onto me way too tight? The atmosphere wasn't helping at all even though venti and zhongli were a good distance away from each other! Dear God help me!

I'll have to turn to my one and only savior now.

'Psst! System? Help me!' I mentally said to myself hoping to see the familiar glowing sapphire screen appear like usual, but to my suprise it was completely silent! Did that fucker ghost me!?

'Hey! Hey! You there? Please help me out here!' I begged silently praying that my voice could be heard by the system once again, ever since I've met the knights of favonius everything was turning out strange and weird for me

Speaking of knights of favonius, where were they? Surely they could've just gave up on me right

!

Right?...

I failed to notice that zhongli had already appeared infront of Venti with his arms crossed, his expression seemed calm yet the presence and pressure he gave off definitely was the opposite of calm!

The two bickered back and forth with malice but I was busy adjusting my thoughts on what to do now.

Many footsteps reached my ears so I turned to look what the noise was about but immediately regretted it and turned my head back once I saw a familiar blonde woman.

'Jean! What the hell!? How did she get here along with the other knights'

My expression paled up as well as my hand unconsciously going over to my mouth to cover it 'Shit! Shit! Shit!'

Please tell me they hadn't notice me yet! Maybe If I pretend I'm another person.. No you idiot that won't work!

Panic surged through my bones along with millions of thoughts and plans to avoid those people at all costs, currently from a distance the people present were Jean, Amber and Kaeya.

Yet no Diluc in sight though.. I wonder what could've happened to him? You hoped he isn't trying to hunt you down anymore too.

...

The knights of favonius couldn't have possibly.. No I shouldn't think too much on that nor jinx it, they wouldn't go as far as killing their own people right?

I hope he's okay.

Just then the system appeared before me once again, it made me jolt slightly but I composed myself quick enough to read it's information

【The false god is looking at you】

'The false god?' I felt unfamiliar with who that was, could it be furina? But I don't see her anywhere along with the other Fontaine characters.

I turned my head to look behind me and saw only the large and bustling crowd so it was pretty difficult to distinguish who the system was talking about.

Before I knew it I was swooped away by the mob separating me from Venti and Zhongli who hadn't yet noticed since both men were focused on arguing with one another

But that's when my eye caught something, a familiar game mechanic in genshin impact I frequently saw in quests or puzzles; The golden trail

I stared at the twinkling golden path in amazement, it was prettier than I had imagined! I letted Taube go back into my vision so that it could rest for the time being.

My legs hurriedly moved on their own as if a siren had come and sang to serenade the people, yet I was the only one attracted to it. Each step I took, the world around me continues to fall silent with the people fading into nothing but air

One, Two, Three.. Four.

As I took my final step the golden trail also vanished, I raised my head up to stare at the only remaining thing around me, and it was the person I saw on the stage earlier

What was their name again? Oh right. 'Their grace'

I curiously turned my head around the area, however I confirmed that only two of us were left alone. My eyes moved on their own and stared at Their grace's appearance from top to the very bottom.

It was strange how similar yet different we looked from one another, if someone were to look at both of us we would be mistaken as twins.

"Who are you?" Their grace asked me with a calm voice, they had a relaxed pose with both of their hands behind their backs as well as their head slightly tilted to the side

"(Name), you must be that grace person from the stage earlier, right?" I asked them taking a step closer "That's right" Their grace confirmed my question and didn't move away from me, even motioning to come closer to them.

I didn't see anything wrong when their grace motioned me to come closer. Just as I was about to take another step forward, a sudden message from the system stopped me in my tracks

【Would you like to transport back to Earth? System 444 has sensed great amount's of errors on the story

Yes — No】

It was the same message from back then when I was inside the crowd, I was unable to choose since I had gotten distracted by something else. Even so, the answer should be obvious is it not?

Without wasting another second I clicked the 'Yes' option on the screen, the screen very soon collapsed into pieces and dispersed on the ground. Their grace stared at me with curiosity, wondering on why I suddenly halted my movements

"Is something the matter?" Their grace asked me once again, I shook my head silently and waited for something to happen, for example teleporting back to my world.

Minutes passed by as a awkward atmosphere surrounded me and their grace putting me in a uncomfortable position.

It must've been strange to see me randomly stare and click at the air. Their grace on the other hand didn't seem to look bothered at all, infact they just continued to stare at you while you waited to get transferred back to your world like what the system had said.

But that didn't happen

【Would you like to transport back to Earth? System 444 has sensed great amount's of errors on the story

Yes — No】

The message appeared once again which left me confused, I clicked the yes option like last time but it refused to work. I looked back at their grace and saw them smiling at me strangely

"Why don't you try to press no?"

My breath hitched at what they had just blurted out, Could their grace see the system too? Why won't the Yes option work?!

I was so lost in thought that my eye didn't catch Their grace stealthily walking over and pressing the 'No' option on the screen

This one move made me scream and swat their hand away from the system. I blinked in suprise, my jaw dropping a bit since their grace is actually able to see the system

"What— How—"

"Did you really think you could leave so easily?" Their grace's tone shifted drastically, it was no longer warm and calm but cold and stoic towards me. Their tone clearly filled with annoyance, as if they had been keeping it all in them all this time.

I was then again taken back by the sudden hostility, only being able to awkwardly rub my temples "What do you mean?" I said not knowing how to respond to that

Their grace narrowed down their eye's and did a circular motion around me like a animal ready to pounce on its prey without any hesitation.

I swallowed the lump in my throat with my fists balled up tightly "Explain what are you doing." I demanded to them, scowling as their grace finally put a stop on their movements around me.

"Let's have one final chat."

2nd Pov

"That message from the system you received was supposed to work indeed" Their grace started off with a mischievous tone while you only glared from the sideline's

Their grace looked at you smug, deciding to continue on "But in the very last minute, your fate had changed itself. Originally you were destined to teleport back to your home and live a happily ever after, while the characters here continue to suffer from your abandonment." Their grace keen fingertips scraped their own cheek slowly yet roughly.

Their eyes only remained on you while a stream of blood dripped from their jaw to the ground. "You can't escape from here, not without my help." Their grace reached out their own bloodied hand towards you "I'll bring you back from your old world, it will be painful but you want to go back home right?"

You stared at their hand skeptical but also hesitant "How could I trust you with this?" You can't just blindly agree to something so mysterious, you aren't dumb and would just agree to anything without knowing more information "You have no other option yes?" Their grace retorted back at you

You stared down on the ground for a good minute and sighed. Returning back home is your goal after all, but this deal felt so shady however your leads on going home were 0. Having no other options left you finally gave a slight nod, showing that you've accepted their proposal "All right."

TORTURE WARNING

How long has it been exactly?

Your brain, once a vibrant organ, now felt like a pulpy, useless mass. A torrent of crimson, thick and viscous, spilled from the gaping wound in your stomach, painting the ground a macabre landscape. The metallic tang of blood filled your nostrils, a sickeningly sweet aroma that clung to the air. The once-bright fabric of your shirt was now a canvas of crimson, the blood soaking through to the skin beneath. The world blurred around the edges, a hazy kaleidoscope of red and gold as your consciousness slipped away.

Fearful and pleading eyes stared back at their grace's cold and wicked ones, not an ounce of remorse present in them

Their eyes, cold and calculating, locked onto yours, sending a shiver down your spine. "Don't look at me like that," they hissed, their voice dripping with malice and disgust. The dagger, its blade rusted and pitted, gleamed menacingly in the dim light, a cruel mockery of a weapon. They pressed the tip against your thigh, the cold metal biting into your skin. The blade sliced through your flesh, a searing pain that ripped through your body, leaving a trail of crimson in its wake. They savored the sound of your gasp, the way your body flinched with each agonizing inch of the blade's descent. Panic clawed at your throat, the air thick with the metallic scent of blood and the acrid tang of fear.

You struggled to escape from the torment, to run off like you had always done and expect this all to be a simple nightmare, but it was none of that, You could only trickle fresh droplets of salty tears out your eyes down to your cheeks.

Your cries were raw, desperate. A guttural symphony of pain and fear that echoed through the confined space. You begged for mercy, your words tumbling out in a frantic torrent. "Please, stop! I don't understand!" But did they listen? No. Their faces, blank and unreadable, offered no solace, no hint of compassion. You were a mere object in their hands, a plaything in their cruel game. The why of it all, the reason for this agonizing torment, remained a maddening mystery, a cruel riddle you were powerless to solve.

Their grace sloppily made a deep cut on your warm flesh, it was obvious that they had little to no experience on how to properly use or even wield a knife, but their grace's lack of skill only brought more discomfort and tears to roll down your face, since it opened more wounds than it should have.

Their grace, a cruel mockery of the word, plunged their fingers into the gaping wound on your thigh. The flesh tore, a sickening ripping sound that echoed in the confined space. You screamed, a primal, guttural cry that tore from your throat, but it was lost in the maelstrom of your own agony. Their fingers, calloused and cold, delved deeper, tearing through muscle and sinew, widening the wound until it gaped open like a hungry maw. The raw, exposed flesh pulsed with a throbbing pain, a crimson wellspring that seemed to beckon them further. With a sickening crunch, their fingers disappeared into the cavity, disappearing into the depths of your ravaged flesh.

Your breath hitched, a ragged gasp that tore from your lungs, and your nose erupted in a violent, uncontrolled sneeze. Your chest heaved, each inhale a desperate struggle for air, your lungs burning with the effort. Your voice, raw and hoarse, refused to obey your commands. A strangled croak escaped your lips, a pathetic whisper in the face of your mounting terror. Your heart hammered against your ribs, a frantic drumbeat that threatened to burst through your chest. A metallic tang filled your mouth, the taste of your own terror, a bitter, metallic aftertaste that lingered on your tongue. You felt yourself slipping, the edges of your consciousness blurring, the world fading into a dizzying kaleidoscope of pain and fear.

You swore to yourself that the inside of your throat was already gushing out with blood, a mettalic tang filling your mouth, after all, since you kept abusing it, this action resulted in making you unable to speak temporarily for the time being.

While you were dazed out on trying to subdue the pain inside your throat, Their grace's bloodied hand roughly grabbed you by the cheek and made you face them eye to eye.

"This is what you call a god? A pathetic excuse to even have this little thing"

They tapped repeatedly on the dendro vision dangling on the side of your waist, it's emerald glow taunting the two. you felt like you've just been thrown into the sea, too exhausted and famished after pushing your body to the limits, resulting to being unable to pull off a singular move or even get away from them.

"Even that redhead had made it quite farther than you."

Their grace abruptly blurted out to themselves, yet you heard it. You heard it vividly, the news of a red head meeting the same fate as you made you gradually lift your head to look at them "W— What do you mean?..." your vocals stung with every word you uttered out, but not as much as how your stomach dropped when beginning to realize who they meant.

But their grace only shook you off like nothing, ignoring to answer the question you desperately wanted. They swiftly choose to shift back on the main track they had planned much earlier.

"If you don't want to scream anymore, then I'll just cut this thing off" Their grace forcefully opened your mouth using their bloodied fingers, spreading it wide enough to grab your tounge harshly.

You struggled greatly to try and strain away from their grace's stiff grip, unfortunately for you though your body had already neared it's limit making it seem as if it was almost impossible to overpower their grace by now

But don't think you cant do crap. If you're going to die, you're gonna make this fucker suffer too.

Gathering your last remaining strength you bit down hard on their grace's fingers, hard enough to draw blood and even make contact with the flesh and bone. You applied even more force by each second, your canine teeth anchoring itself on their skin so that they won't be able to pull you off.

This only made their grace scream in agony for they felt the bone's deep inside their fingers beginning to break by the sole pressure and force, their grace then began attempting to shove your head away and let their fingers break free before it was too late.

"H—Hah..argh! A.. AHHHH!" A blood curling scream came out of Their grace's mouth seeing as 3 of their fingers had been bitten and ripped off clean, only leaving a massive surge of blood on their hand as a remnant

You spat out each finger on the ground and coughed in disgust, never once have you tasted that much blood before, it was nauseating to the stomach.

You swallowed down the incoming puke that was about to come out, trying to shake off the dizzy feeling going on inside your head.

The metallic taste lingered on your tounge with a stronger aftermath, your lips now tainted a deep shade of red from the blood with some of it dripping out from your mouth.

But their grace was quick to recover from the pain, they messily dug into their pocket and took out the hydrogen peroxide they had been secretly storing just for this moment incase you decided to fight back.

They popped it open and dumped the whole bottle's liquid onto your open wound, using their other hand that still had fingers to dig it deep inside and all around the flesh.

The insides of your flesh began to swell with the amount of things that had been entering, you tried suppressing the incoming screaming since it just worsens your throats current condition.

Nonetheless you failed and let out a holler in agony and pure discomfort, your body convulsing wildly as you brought your thigh closer to your chest for comfort. Hissing loudly since you felt the stinging sensation spread throughout every limb.

"You should've just gave up..." Their grace groggily stood up from the floor while shakily holding their wounded hand, even when you had already experiencing enough pain cause by them, Their grace simply thought it wasn't enough to pay for what you had done.

They bared their teeth at you, feeling a strong flame of hatred ignite in their heart, and so, without hesitating any longer their grace delivered a rough kick towards your lower abdomen making you throw up droplets of blood knocking the daylights out of your vision.

Brutal attacks continued to come in your way without a stop, as a way to protect yourself you curled yourself up into a ball with both of your hands defending your head from the assaults.

Their grace huffed heavily, exerting too much energy out of their body was bad for their own health as it effected the way they could even stand correctly.

Their grace stumbled slightly on their feet, the feeling of immense pain being foreign to them since the day they had become a false god not even a single scratch was laid on their fragile body, the reason being that there would be over 20+ characters guarding their grace's every movement

"Y— You idiot. . . Don't you want to get home? I'm doing you a huge favor yet you do this to me!? " Their grace's tone was laced with disbelief and fury since they had believed what they were doing was for the best.

You opened your mouth to protest what their grace declared so boldly whilst also hugging your stomach tightly from the previous strike, but to your suprise only inaudible and strained sounds left your tounge, not a single word was understood.

Your mouth gaped in realization before starting to slowly massage your throat, only realizing now how sore and painful it was to you.

Their grace's expression shifted from grimace to pure souless, That strange stare they gave off just screamed chaos in your point of view. "You wanted to know what happened to that redhead? Right?" They abruptly brought the topic out of the blue.

A bad feeling crept up to your stomach making you anxious about the answer their grace would give, nevertheless curiosity got the better of you, and at last, after a long moment of pondering what to do, you just slowly nodded your head to theirs grace's question.

Their grace felt overjoyed and sadistic by your answer, imagining in their mind what expression you'll make when they deliver the bad news to you.

"I invited over a blonde woman to inazuma along with some of her companions, if I recall she was the leader of something...." Their grace trailed off breaking eye contact with you to look at the non— existing sky, completely unaware of the horrified look on your face as a vivid memory of Jean's face flashed across your mind.

You began to have goosebumps at just the thought of having to deal with her again, even if your previous encounter was managed by the system alone.

Now that you've thought about it, where was the system now? It's been a long while since you've received their last message.

You bit back your lip, 'Settings' you said inside your head, hoping that the system hadn't dissapered and abandon you yet again.

Thankfully the system had not went away yet! It appeared right infront of you like usual.. Except it carried a odd message this time.

【Your fate has been realized, 4:44】

It's that fate thing again, just earlier the message had been mentioning your fate many times. But now besides it was a number... A number that kept decreasing by every second.

'A timer? But what for?' the more you asked yourself questions, the more none of them were answered and only left you with confusion.

Your (e/c) gazed back at their grace who smiled maliciously "Ah yes how could I forget?" they turned their heel and strutted towards you catching you off guard, you attempted to move away from their grace so that some distance could be made, however your bodies current condition flied over your mind leaving you almost paralyzed now.

You could only peer at the other persons with difficulty, bracing yourself mentally for whatever bullshit they had to say

But something was off, you knew that their grace was probably able to see the system. Yet this one message looked like only you could see it now.

Above their grace's head also consisted of a timer similar to your's 【6:66】. Only about two minutes longer than yours...

Your inner monolouge was soon cut short by a voice "I've brought a gift for you" Their grace said in a puzzling tone that left you with mixed thoughts.

Their grace proceeded to shove their hands into their coats pocket to show you what that little 'gift' was.

A vision, an golden jeweled amulet that allows the user to resonate with the seven elements freely. Most visions would consist of a vibrant color followed by the elements symbol

But in this case, the vibrant color was nowhere to be seen on the amulet. Only possessing a dull Grey color, similar to yours that was continously flashing from a vibrant viridescent color to a dull Grey one.

You observed the jewel closely, starting to dig through the countless events that occurred today.

Impatient by how long you took, their grace opened their mouth yet again "The blonde woman gave this to me as a welcoming gift, she got this from—"

"Diluc's dead body." You cutted them off this time, your eyes glued to the floor since everything just went blank at that exact moment.

You had mixed signals towards the redhead, he indeed attempted to take your life for the sake of what he had believed but stopped at the very last moment. Diluc did realize soon enough, however the trauma already left a mark inside your mental health making you uncomfortable whenever he was brought up.

Yet you couldn't bring yourself to hate him fully yet, only wanting to avoid the man if possible. But not like that, you never wished for diluc to permanently disappear!

It only took a heartbeat for him to go down on one knee in your presence, you couldn't lie to yourself since you felt conflicted by how fast diluc ultimately made up his mind without any hesitation.

Besides all that, he was still a character you liked before even getting transported here. So just imagine if diluc hadn't met you? He would still be alive to this moment.

Countless of things surfaced up ever since you've arrived. What you thought was the same Genshin Impact you loved and adored in the beginning, was far more twisted than you expected it to be only after staying for a few days.

'How could i always mess everything up? Did some curse latch itself onto my soul so that it could only bring chaos to those around me?' The system may have called you a 'god' or creator of this place, however you think the complete opposite.

Since you thought yourself as nothing but a thorn on Teyvat's side by now.

"Ha.. Haha... Hahahaha!" You clawed out your cheeks using the sharp edges of your nails, blood flowed down as well as fresh salty tears. The two fluids mixed together soiling your cheeks once more.

It stung really damn hard, but the pain never even registered onto your mind by how messed up your mind was at this point. Who would be still sane after going through what you went in this world? It's a miracle you managed to even compose yourself after dying.

You covered your mouth with both hands, the feeling of dread getting replaced with utter disgust. Their grace stared at the pitiful scene with a poker-face, not even fazed by the slightest.

This moment was your breaking point now.

【The system advises you to not do anything stupid! 】

【The system advises you to not do anything stupid! 】

【The system advises you to not do— 】

"Stop it." Your abrupt voice made their grace quirk a brow "What?" They placed back the Grey vision in their pocket to listen in on what you had to say

"I don't know what I've done for you to put me in this shit hole." You slammed your fist down on the floor making a loud bang You did it so that you could atleast lift your body even by the slightest.

"But I could careless on what would happen now." You stated in such a determined tone that their grace themselves felt off, having to then swiftly wield out their weapon, pointing it inches away from your neck.

"What are you staring at?" Their grace questioned raising a brow at your sudden burst of will

【1:00】

"Your horrendous face"

【20 seconds】

"Fuck you."

¿?

A variety of distinct and unique people crowded over a small wooden stadium built for a person who they deeply admired.

Yet that special person was nowhere to be seen. Countless witnesses have come forward to confess that they had last seen the individual accompanying a person with (h/c) locks and (e/c) eye's

Among the crowd owned two distinct figures, one of a blonde male with a long braided hair, the other floating beside the male with her appearance as a small child.

Aether and Paimon had just recently arrived at the nation of electro;Inazuma. in addition to find the Electro archon and ask her a series of questions.

Paimon floated around then took a halt "Traveler look! It's Zhongli and Venti!" She piped up, a clear voice of excitement to see the two familiar men they had encountered in their previous journeys

Aether turned his head to also take a peek at the situation. Zhongli and Venti walked side by side looking obviously worried about something, despite that, the two continued to bicker with each other stating that it was the others fault that (Name) got away.

The word (Name) left Aether intrigued, since it was the very same name as the creator or God that amber disclosed to them back in mondstat.

Aether only observed the situation quietly like he had always done, letting paimon do the talking for him since he was still unfamiliar with Teyvat's distinctive language.

"Zhongli! Venti! What brings you two here?" Paimon called out to them catching the two men's attention. Venti gave her a small wave while Zhongli maintained a humble expression

"We had been invited over via letter" Zhongli explained his situation to the two traveler's, Venti nodding his head since he also had the exact same reason "Ah yes, could I ask you two if you had seen a person with (h/c) hair and (e/c) eyes?" Venti questioned them, Aether crossed his arms together already putting two and two together.

'Hm, I should find that (Name) person quickly... They should know something about my sister' Aether had already began to devise a plan on meeting (Name) whatever it takes, he figured that they couldn't have gone too far if Venti and Zhongli are just recently looking for them.

Aether glanced back at paimon and the two men, Paimon blabbered about some random topic that kept Zhongli and Venti at bay. He used this opportunity to try and strain away from the group without anyone noticing his disappearance.

'I should take a look around... (Name) probably had left some traces' Aether took one last deep breath and dived right back into the chaotic crowd, his eyes scanned the area to find anything out of place or strange.

The blond only continued to do so for about a short while till he decided to give up, finding nothing else but only dead ends to his search. It wasn't like he was expecting much either, he had only heard tales and stories about the individual (Name). Stories that had come from the townsfolk if not even his own trusted companions.

With a heavy heart filled with dissapointment, Aether resolved the case as a dead end with no clues nor leads, He'll just have to wait for something that could possibly lead him towards (Name)'s whereabouts.

"I'll return to Paimon and the others.." Aether mumbled to himself quietly, stretching his arms up high till he heard a small 'pop!'.

You know what else popped?

A dead body with (h/c) locks, their eyes shutted tight while their neck had a massive slash mark, blood seeped out of their wounded neck staining the stage their body fell on. The stage that was right infront of every audience to see.

"W—What is that!?!?"

"S—S—Someone help!!"

"Oh my archon's it's r—real!!"

Screams of terror engulfed the whole area with bystanders backing away from the body which oozed out a metallic crimson liquid, yet red wasnt the only liquid that seeped through their body.

A golden fluid mixed through with the crimson one, producing a beautiful yet horrid scene.

Even though their body was dead, one last message appeared that none of the audience members could see. 【You are one step away from successfully reincarnating.】

All civilians, archon's, and higher leagues stared at the corpse in pure disturbance, none daring to utter a single word as silence filled the area in mere seconds.

"Y—Your grace?" One voice came up, the bards voice trembled with fear like everyone else. Many heads turned towards Venti as realization finally kicked in.

That lifeless corpse that stained the wooden floors with their odd blood, that person who the guards recently chased down.

'The one I've been looking for.. Yet how did it turn out like this?' Aether checked upon the enormous crowd that had been formed, his eyes stalking on whoever had done this;

On whoever ruined his chance on finally receiving answers to this world.

His eyes scanned the area and halted at a distinct figure in the distance, their hands were wounded up greatly, Next to them laid a suspiciously bloodied weapon as the person had a look of anxiety washing over them, scurrying to hide it inside their clothes so that no one could see.

Of course, Aether wasn't one to be oblivious, he was completely aware of things and knew how to read a room, and this person had guilt written all over their face.

Aether took a step forward, determined to investigate this matter and find out what had truly happened to his creator.

But just before he could even reach the a large explosion erupted from the crowd, luckily none seemed to be injured by the sudden attack.

Aether turned his head to the noise, analyzing who or even what had caused it, however he immediately froze in place when he saw the situation

A old man vs a drunk bard

Oh archon's what were those idiots doing!

【Rip Bozo】

"Zhongli... If only you hadn't been in my way, my dear creator would be standing by my side right now!" Venti called out the other man's 'mistake' with an broken yell, yet Zhongli's expression remained a cool and humble manner... Well outside that is.

Inside the man's even more devastated than Venti, his heart shattered into small pieces, refusing to believe that his creator is very much gone from this world. Zhongli wanted to find out who did such a disgraceful and atrocious act to his god, his god that he worshipped for centuries before his retirement as a former archon. Even know as liyue had become a independent country, he continued to pray for his God to return in their glory once again.

The skies faded dark as clouds formed and poured down droplets of water onto the remaining 3 men who stood like it was going to result in a face off

"Hey you three!" a high pitched scream snapped them all out of the weighing tension, Paimon breathed heavily, placing her small hand on the pit of her stomach whilst looking exhausted "You all left Paimon alone! And what are you guys planning to do!" Paimon stomped her foot in the air out of pure frustration, Zhongli and Venti had forgotten that they were still talking with Paimon earlier and just abruptly left.

The three exchanged confused glances with each other, hesitating on what to do now. Aether was first to move, guiding the two men away from each other so that they won't try and rip each other to shreds

"Let's all calm down now shall we? We have bigger matters to face" Aether spoke up, his voice slightly calming down the others rage.

There was all too much going on right now, first it was the abrupt death of their creator, next was their 'grace' acting audibly suspicious with blood stained in their hands looking mortified. Now two archon's were about to bring destruction without being aware of their surroundings.

Aether himself felt frustrated over the situation, yet he never let his emotions get to him now. "I know you're all confused and angry right now. But bringing more chaos won't fix the situation!" He exclaimed loud and clear.

Though he himself couldn't deny the frustration boiling inside his heart, Aether didn't want the two archon's going back and forth with each other.

"Now if you just follow my lea— ugh!" Aether tumbled backwards by a sudden Shockwave erupting from below, making him land on his behind.

Then, Paimon flipped backwards in the air, screeching out her lungs as thunder striked all over the area around them which almost electrocuted paimon to death. "Eek! What in the... Paimon almost got..!" Paimon mumbled to herself in a startled voice, she covered her ears to block out the rest of the thunderous sounds, fleeing to aether for safety.

"What's happening!?" Aether uttered alarmed by the whole ordeal, those events that were shown definitely weren't something that came straight from mother nature, no, it came from something big

Worried for his companions, Aether spun his head around to quickly scout the two men who were just by his side.

"I will have order!"

"Time for take off!"

Venti and Zhongli was kept at bay by an overwhelming horde of monsters that rallied up and destroy anything on sight, the usual hostile enemies became even more aggressive by charging at anything on sight, whether it's a random civilian, animal, or even their very own comrades, nobody was safe from mass destruction.

Vision holders and the Tenryou Commission all fought back against the abyss, Roars of anguish and dismay covered the land of eternity as civilians ran for their lives.

Aether held back as much as he could, his heart accelerating quickly when adrenaline coursed through his veins sharpening his instincts and speed. But even as he gave it his all, the unknown force pushed back even harder, sending out a endless wave of troups to finish all of them off.

Oh but you think inazuma had only suffered?

Jean the acting grand master was forced to evacuate inazuma and back to mondstat to provide support and protection over its citizens against the destructive wrath of Dvalin along with hilichurls attempting to break into the city walls.

Liyue had no problems with fighting against the abyss, yet even so, the natural terrain brought a heavy toll on the citizens. There would be frequent tsunamis rushing over to destroy the precious country only to be stopped over and over again. Landslides and random boulders would roll down from the cliffs crushing anything below it.

Xiao, one of Zhongli's most closest adeptus pushed himself to the limit, stopping at no one to protect the precious land Morax had shoulder before retiring. Even so, having to witness innocent lives get taken from unnatural events triggered a past memory Xiao wished to forget in his mind.

Teyvat's shield slowly began to crumble, it's own terrain destroying the people who once roamed around the land peacefully only to meet a cruel end.

Their grace sat beside your lifeless body watching the chaos unfold with empty voided eyes. Memories flooded into their head, recounting how your body falled to the ground after they slashed your chest with their sword, penetrating the heart and lungs thoroughly.

Their grace knew it won't be long till they were going to succumb to deaths arms, a noose slowly wrapping itself around their neck, drowning them in a endless wave of suffocation. A slow and painful death awaited on their door step, and they could do nothing to stop it

Footsteps followed behind their grace along with a deafening sound of a blade dragging itself, bolts of electricity floated in the air as the tension began to thicken.

"Commiting a grave fault by taking part of the creators death, Deceiving the people of Inazuma to worship an inferior being like you." a cold and stoic voice hissed, the tip of an Amethyst colored blade rested on their grace's shoulder, only inches away from the neck.

"That would also include you, Raiden Shogun." Their grace stayed stiff in the position they were in, even in such times, they could only boldly talk to the puppet.

Raiden Shogun didn't deny the daring accusation, they too were deceived by their grace's act. "Yet you're aware, that your fate is still the same?"

Their grace looked up.

".. Yes."

【5 seconds】

Though I couldn't lie to myself, I felt afraid and intimidated by the single thought of dying. People disputed alot of events that could happen after you die. Maybe my soul will be lifted and be taken to the heavens.. Or hell. Would I get reincarnated again instead? But the sound of having to die again and again, only to live a life of misery sounds.. Frustrating.

Life is strange.

You're able to do everything, yet also can't. My fate is sealed to always die, from my previous life to this one.

The blade had gone cold, it's sharp edges running through the first layer of my skin down to the very last, slashing through the warm flesh with little to no difficulty. Such precision could only be achieved if the user had done this countless of times already.

Raiden's expression kept neutral, stoic and chilling eyes watching my own lifeless body fall to the ground with a stream of blood tainting the wooden floor.

...!

"Gah!... Ugh.. Ha.. Ha.."

Your heart hammered against your ribs, a frantic drumbeat echoing inside your ears. You jolted upright in bed, sheets tangled around your legs, and a cold sweat slicked your skin. Every muscle in your body throbbed with adrenaline. Your gaze darted around the room, (e/c) eyes wide and unfocused, struggling to grasp the chaotic jumble of memories that flooded your mind.

You fixate your eyes over to the surrounding area in a frenzy, noticing how the area consists of a small yet simple apartment complex with modern furnishings and interior.

Throwing the sheets that wrapped around your lower body aside, a careful yet thorough inspection began incase of any injuries you had sustained or carried.

Oddly enough, your body was completely unmarked. No bruises, no scratches, nothing. But a faint, persistent sting remained, like a phantom sensation, as if you'd just been choked.

The sting wasn't incredibly tackling to handle nor was it painless, it felt more like a prick..? Though you were unable to recall any information, memories, on what had happened, you vividly remember the important parts.

The devastating sensation of having your own neck slowly getting severed from your body, alone in a empty space with nothing but your own heart beat, slowly dying down as the cells in your body began to plumage.

A anxious scoff escaped your lips whereas your pupils started to shrink slowly. Your frigid hand trailed up onto your (h/c) locks, the icy feeling sending shivers down your spine.

"Was it all just a dream? No... No, no, no, no... It felt too real," you choked out, the words ragged and desperate. As you grappled with the impossible reality of what had transpired, a faint, dim light pulsed on your phone, lying across the bed like a beacon in the darkness.

It didn't take long till you finally acknowledge the strange light emitting from your phone which rested on a small table. Your brows scrunched together in confusion, wondering inside your mind on what that strange glimmer could be.

Deciding to seek out the answer for yourself, you hopped off the bed, your feet settling down on the cold wooden floor below, little by little you made your way to the small dark wooden table in a slow pace to investigate.

The sound of your footsteps halted once you were hovering in front of the oak table, you fidgeted and fumbled around with your fingertips, Why did you suddenly feel nervous? the light coming from your phone only continued to shine brightly, taunting your presence whilst also alluring your curiosity more and more as time passes by.

You inhaled a vast amount of air, the oxygen flowing through your nose and slipping into the lungs, after some short seconds, you exhaled out all of the air you ingested. With a more calm demeanor, you picked it up and held it tightly in your hands.

Your eyes locked onto the screen, watching as it began moving by itself, entering your home screen and scrolling past through apps. "What?... Why won't it.." you whispered lowly in confusion, attempting to gain control once again on your phone but only to fail everytime.

Frustration simmered as you fumbled with your phone, another failed attempt sending a wave of despair through you. Just as you were about to fling it to the ground in a fit of rage, a flurry of white feathers erupted in the air, catching you completely off guard. A pristine snow-white dove, its plumage immaculate, perched serenely on the windowsill, watching you with an unblinking gaze.

Your eyes locked onto the animal, a strange yet nostalgic feeling erupting deep inside your body. Where have you seen this dove before? And who the hell opened your window while you were away.

A cold shiver ran down your spine as an icy breeze swept through the window, its chilling touch making the hairs on your skin stand on end. You hugged your body, seeking comfort and warmth, while your teeth chattered uncontrollably. Having enough, you hopped of your bed, making your way through the window.

As you approached the windowsill, you noticed the dove had already begun to take flight. A strange wave of disappointment washed over you as you watched the graceful bird leave, its wings scattering feathers in its wake. One feather fluttered down, and you managed to catch it. Upon closer inspection, you saw that the feather not only had a cream base but was also streaked with subtle hints of (color)

"... What a weird bird"

You mumbled out, turning the feather around to further inspect it. The feather itself seemed perfect for a quill, making it more exotic.

Though not from afar, your device had a dim light twinkling on its screen, one moment it would light up the next it would turn black.

The glimmering subsided, replaced by a brief, stark display of binary numbers on the screen

" 01010111 01100101 00100000 01100001 01110010 01100101 00100000 01100011 01101111 01101101 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 "

That was it's last's moment as the screen erupted in smoke, a foul and repulsive odor flowing throughout the small room. It only took you a small few seconds to comprehend the crisis.

You were going to quit playing games by now.

A/n: hey my skibbidi slicers, thank you so much for reading till 'the end' Of my first series on my blog!! This was kinda long lol, but I hope you all enjoyed!! I'll be sure to keep updates ^^

[thisisntmyrightera]

Our Glory - Jeon Jae Joon x Fem Reader

Plot: Jae Joon leave South Korea to avoid being part of a violence scandal and arrives in America to start his life again, finding the love of his life who makes him feel human for the first time. Despite the distance, no matter how much he avoids his reality, the ghost of his past will reach him wherever he is endangering everything he has achieved.

Genre: Romance, Fluff, Violence, Angst, Drama Warning: Themes of school violence, abuse of power, minors being harassed, harsh language.

A/N: The story is inspired by The Glory, however, some time periods have changed as well as situations where the protagonist will be part of changing some original scenes.

I appreciate you reading and being part of this new story, as always I hope to please your readers' hearts.

I'll be back soon.

No one would dare to approach the daughter of the most sought-after heir in all New york, in fact no one would even think of marrying a girl as independent and grown up as you.

Your single status was a myth in the chats of the women of your class, how could such a pretty girl, with so much class, be single, hadn't she found someone at her level? Dozens of boys had asked you out because their parents had forced them to do it, that was what the line was, an heir with an heiress, right? But you decided to shoo each one of them away like flies on fresh flowers, too spoiled, arrogant, lazy, they weren't your type.

That night, the night of the charity gala where all the millionaires seemed to attend only to boast about how much their company had given to charitable causes seemed like just another boring night, with nothing to do but stand next to your parents smiling holding a glass of the most expensive (and disgusting) wine that you barely sipped.

Sir, nice to meet you again - a man with a foreign accent and Asian features approached and shook your father's hand before bowing slightly to your mother and you.

The pleasure is mine Mr. Jeon, It would be nice to meet at the club for breakfast one day. How long will you be in town this time? - your father smiled kindly. Despite his status and large bank account, you could tell and presume that he was a generous man with a good heart, and it always made you feel good to hear that you were just like him.

Fortunately this time we will stay a little longer, we are planning to live in America, I have some business in mind and I have started to build a club in this part of the country, you know, bring a little bit of Korea to America so they can get to know a little bit about us - both men continued chatting, laughing perhaps pretending that one was interested in the other's talk

You just sighed and looked around, your high heels were starting to hurt in your heels, your hand was perhaps already numb from holding the same glass all night

Jae Joon how nice that you came - Mr. Jeon smiled patting his son's back making a gesture of displeasure when he noticed the aroma of cigarettes on his clothes - I want you to meet Mr. Y / L/N he is a great friend and excellent partner in bussiness

A pleasure sir - the man offered his hand shaking it firmly with a smile that made his cheeks become plump giving a tender touch to his face

Jae Joon I have heard a lot about you, it is a pleasure to finally meet you -Your father smiled looking at your mother and then lightly took your arm making you turn your face in a surprised way looking forward- this is Y/N my daughter

Nice to meet you miss - Jae Joon smiled at you slightly tilting his head making you respond with just a shy smile

''Another prospect for the inheritance again'' you thought feeling annoyed and bored of the same dynamic every time your father met the son of a bussines partner

It wasn't very difficult to think about it, you could take care of the business, for some reason you had finished college at the best school in Europe, you had experience and many times you were able to support your father in difficult decisions, what was the problem after all, you didn't need a man to be successful.

When you finally got out of the crowd and the air hit your face you breathed a sigh of relief, it didn't matter that it was cold outside, it was almost the end of November but it was still better than being suffocated between expensive perfumes and the aroma of hundreds of exotic dishes that you hated.

You found the first stone bench on the balcony decorated with plants to sit and rest, the pain in your ankles was a burning sensation that you felt constantly but you were forced to endure to look "elegant"

Are you bored too? - a deep and velvety voice made you come out of your trance while you slowly massaged your ankle

Excuse me? - you looked at him confused

People here are boring just talking about money and business - he sighed bringing a cigarette to her mouth lighting it quickly - you don't mind me smoking, right?

No, I was leaving anyway - you smiled at him kindly standing up to enter the large hall again

You know - his voice made you turn around looking at him not at all curious, just not seeming rude and leaving him talking to himself - I don't know many people around here, I'm new in town and it would be nice, I don't know, to go out someday to get to know each other, after all I'll be around here for a long time

I don't usually work as a tour guide Mr. Jeon, excuse me - you smiled ironically turning around annoyed at getting the same thing again every time someone met you, a boring date proposal

Your answer had frozen him in place, he had never gotten a rejection from any girl, in fact the women in his country fought to get even a little attention from him, this caused him a feeling of rejection that he had never felt, in fact, in these cases his anger would have shot up breaking a couple of plants and damaging the property but as much as he tried to get upset he couldn't find where he had kept that feeling, he simply felt alone and rejected.

With the days you became more and more convinced that you would probably never find an honest man, in your class they didn't exist, they only looked for contacts and last names, it was clear that was why most of them looked for you and to be honest it wasn't something you were looking for, you enjoyed your single life, going out with your friends and doing everything as you wanted without giving explanations to anyone, although sometimes, you couldn't help but feel jealous and lonely seeing how most of them had someone to share with.

Nobody is at your level or maybe you just aren't lucky enough? - Ashley laughed, drinking from her glass with her left hand, showing off her (third) engagement ring

I can have any man I want, but that doesn't mean I'll go to bed with everyone, it's not my style - you smiled at her, drinking, making your other friends laugh

Oh yeah? And who have you wanted? Because we've never met anyone, right? - she smiled mockingly, making your friends erase their smiles, settling down a bit

Danielle was a little smarter, she changed the topic of the conversation to avoid awkwardness among the group, but in your head you couldn't stop thinking about your parents' words.

''I'm getting old, I'd like to see you have a happy life like mine, I'd like to have grandchildren, that's all''

''SaeHyeon has talked to me a lot about his son, he told me that he asked you out and you didn't accept, he seems very interested in you, why don't you give him a chance?''

Maybe… after all, they were right.

So, a couple of weeks later you decided to change your lifestyle and go for what everyone said was "wonderful." Your father was surprised to see you ready in your sportswear to accompany him to the Jeon golf course. He knew you perfectly so he didn't mention anything and just gave you a slight smile so as not to make you uncomfortable with your decision where you clearly weren't interested in talking about business.

The trip was short and when you arrived you were surprised by the architecture so elegant and different from that of your country, very minimalist and clean, the rooms were large, with furniture that combined perfectly and large windows, you could hear your father talking to a partner in the distance but your attention was totally given to the beauty of the place.

After a while and after having breakfast in the large room full of tables and delicious food you were able to go out to see the gardens, the golf carts passed by and every step you took showed you natural places where people showed their skills on the game.

Y/N?…what a surprise to see you here - Jae Joon smiled approaching while a couple of men watched him walk away with worried faces - go do your jobs, I'll see you later - he looked at them pushing them away with his hand making both of them leave almost running - I didn't know you were a member of the club

I'm not, my father came to talk to some members and I decided to accompany him - you smiled a little holding your sports bag with both hands

Don't worry, you can come here whenever you want, I'll tell them to let you in without bothering you with memberships or that paperwork - his smile didn't fade making you find him cute - would you like to come see the place with me?

Sure - you smiled at him again walking beside him with slow steps looking around as he talked about how many golf gardens they had, how many tennis courts and other boring ''rich'' people sports

What do you think? - His gaze was curious, as if looking for proof of you in the newly opened place

It's very nice, I've never seen anything so elegant and beautiful - you smiled looking at the small flower garden that adorned one side of an artificial lake

Do you like flowers? - he ask you curious

Yes, they're pretty, gardenias are my favorites - you looked at him nodding, returning your gaze to the lake where some people were practicing with their canoes

I'll ask them to plant gardenias all around the lake, how about a couple of benches too, so whenever you want to come and smell them you can sit comfortably on them - he smile moving his hands in front of both like designing the new additions to the place

What?…no it's not necessary…

Of course it is, if you're going to come here, I want you to feel at home - his face was so kind and warm that it made you feel a kind of butterflies and weirdness inside you

It wasn't possible that in just a couple of minutes you felt something for someone that you barely knew their name, it wasn't normal for you.

Sir, excuse the interruption, we need your help - a man dressed in a suit with a nervous face looked at him while rubbing his hands nervously on his pants

It seemed that the interruption had made Jae Joon change his face and personality in just a second, his jaw tensed and he rolled his eyes looking at him annoyed

I told you that I hate being interrupted, do I have to solve everything myself? - her hands clenched tightly causing the man to look down in fear

It's okay, you can go don't worry - you smiled at him feeling anxious from the tension of the moment adjusting your sports backpack on your shoulder

I'm sorry I have to go, some people are too stupid to do their own work - the veins in his eyes turned red as if the fury couldn't be contained within his body, he didn't even give you time to respond when both men quickened their pace towards a destination unknown to you.

After all you were relieved, the encounter ended before it became awkward, but you couldn't help but notice that his personality changed with the rest of the people.

That night while you were drying your hair your phone rang on your vanity full of perfumes, your biggest obsession.

''I'm sorry about this morning, would you like to go to dinner? JJ''

His simple message made you smile making you feel strange, did you have feelings for Jae Joon? The best thing would be to answer him, or maybe not? If you did it quickly he would realize that you were very interested, but if you waited a little he would feel that you were not interested at all.

''Of course xx''

The first date was exciting for both of you, you talked for hours about your lives and what you would like for the future, you could feel as if your destiny was destined, fortunately neither of you touched on business topics, it was the first time you went out with a man who didn't brag about how hard his father had worked for him just to spend the money and that made you feel comfortable.

Jae Joon couldn't believe how comfortable he felt with you and how much he enjoyed sharing time by your side, in fact he felt like another person when you were near him, his outbursts of anger and that anger that he always felt inside of him didn't exist, you were the calm that he needed to be happy despite sometimes remembering why he came to America and it made him feel afraid.

Within a few weeks they had already lost count of how many times they had gone out, in fact they never counted the times they saw each other because despite his work he always found a moment to visit you or you took advantage of your free afternoons to go to the club and eat with him even if it was only a couple of hours that they could be together.

It was around April when both of them attended the art gallery of Sara, Jae Joon's friend who thanks to a charitable cause was able to exhibit in America.

You walked around the place taking his arm while you contemplated the colors and shapes of the paintings, they were so different from what you were used to seeing, sometimes, reacting excitedly by the combinations you saw.

Isn't it pretty? I had never imagined seeing flowers colored like that - you smiled excitedly while your arms surrounded his

Yes… it's pretty - Jae Joon sighed looking away

It would look good in a living room with a carpet of that color, maybe combined with several colors, I don't know… what do you think? - you smiled again looking at him only getting him to nod uncomfortably taking the phone from his pocket

Honey give me a minute, it's something urgent - he looked at you embarrassed leaving quickly while leaving you standing in the middle of the exhibition

This time it was you who sighed, maybe you were going a little fast and you made him uncomfortable, maybe he wasn't looking for anything formal and your comments were going too far

Your boyfriend left you alone? - Sara laughed sarcastically approaching

He.. he's not my boyfriend - you smiled shyly taking your bag with both hands nervously

I know, don't worry, it's not your fault or did you make him uncomfortable princess, Jae Joon is colorblind he doesn't distinguish colors - she smiled mockingly leaning on a table while drinking from her glass - didn't he tell you?

He.. he's colorblind? - your heart felt like it had been squeezed and even though you had never done it with the intention of making him uncomfortable, you couldn't help but remember all the times you had mentioned something about colors - I didn't… I didn't know, sorry

I know, he never mentions it, it makes him feel stupid - she sighed playing with her empty glass - when we were in high school, the boys used to make fun of his condition, the poor guy only defended himself when he beat them in the face

I… god I feel so bad.. I… I'm going to see him - you looked at her shyly, fixing your hair nervously

Go honey, rescue your prince charming… or something like that - she laughed drinking the few drops left in the glass, while you hurried your step leaving feeling the fresh air hit your face

A couple of minutes walking through the parking lot was enough when you could find him standing next to a small planter, his head pointing to the sky while he placed drops of a small flower in his eyes boat, the sound of your heels on the pavement made him turn quickly wiping the liquid that ran down his cheeks, possibly what he had placed as lubricant.

Doll I'm sorry… give me a moment - he cleared his throat turning his back to you embarrassed

Jae Joon.. it's okay - you shyly took his arm delicately making him look at you embarrassed - Sara… she already told me… I'm sorry for not paying attention

Sara… - he sighed rolling his eyes tensing his jaw again - that damn…

You don't have to be upset, it's nothing to be ashamed of - you smiled at him adjusting the lock of his hair that the breeze had disarranged covering one of his eyes - your condition doesn't bother me if that's the reason you hadn't told me yet..

His eyes looked at you quickly, his heart skipped a beat feeling something different inside him again.

Jae Joon was the man of your dreams, he was tender and attentive to excess, he remembered every single thing about you as if he had a notebook especially for you in his head, he remembered important dates even the ones you sometimes forgot

During April with the excuse of seeing the city from the top of the Empire State he took you to the top to see the sunset, in reality, he only had eyes for you completely ignoring the sunset and the buildings that adorned the landscape.

Do you know what we came for? - he smiled at you while hugging you from behind resting his chin on your shoulder

We didn't go to see the city right? - you smiled at him, suspecting his intentions

No, I want the whole city to know from here that my girlfriend is the smartest and most beautiful woman on the planet and she's only for me - his face was hidden between the strands of your hair that he was obsessed with the aroma

I'm not your girlfriend Jae Joon… - you laughed trying to look at him making him laugh

Then I'll ask you here so everyone knows you're mine - he laughed kissing your cheek - do you want to be my girlfriend?

Mm.. I should think about it, what do you offer me Mr. Jeon? - you laughed turning a little until you could hug his neck with your arms making him laugh again surrounding your waist

I promise that from today you will live the glory every day we spend together, I can even swear that you are the future Mrs. Jeon and nobody can change that

Then let's live the glory Mr. Jeon..

Part 2

[mrsparrasblog]

You're losing me pt.2

pt. 1 pt.3

TW: mention of rape, unprotected sex, drinking, blood, violence, angst

The liquor on his tongue didn’t even burn anymore; too much was already in his system, trying to wash down the events of this day. You were the love of his life, the woman he wanted to marry, even though he didn’t know how it would be legal for you to marry all of them. And now, he lost you. The worst part? He can't even remember how it happened. He felt so disgusted in himself in so many ways—disgusted for breaking your heart. God, your look, how you tried to keep your tears in check, broke him. And then his whole body felt disgusted; it felt like a layer of dirt he couldn’t wash away. He scrubbed and scrubbed, but it didn’t go away; the shame still lingered. It felt like someone had taken something from him, but it was his own fault. He must have said yes and bought those drinks. It was his own fault, he told himself over and over again. Normally, he would talk about this kind of stuff with you; you always knew what to say. But you hated him.

"‚‘nother on’," he said to the barkeeper. This was probably his sixth. Johnny knew how he could handle alcohol; he was never that pissed before to not remember a thing. And there she was, the medic, sitting down next to him.

"Hey, Johnny," she smiled brightly, like she didn’t have any worry in her life.

"I ken a dinnae whit yesterday happened bit tis ne'er aff tae happen again."

"Come on, you enjoyed it yesterday."

"I dinnae remember yesterday."

"What a shame."

He stood up, throwing some pounds on the table, wanting to leave, but she stopped him. "Come on, Johnny. I'll help you forget, make you feel at peace again."

"No."

"Then please, let me invite you for a drink as an apology," she smiled sweetly, pushing the drink towards me. Wait, how had she a drink prepared if she sat only for a minute next to me?

"No."

"Please, a drink won't kill you."

"I said no."

"Just one sip, Johnny, and I'll make you feel good how she never could."

"How come ye're sae persistent fur me tae dram this drink?"

"You're silly, Johnny. I'm just being nice," she looked panicked - weird.

While many people thought of him as someone who is just a silly guy who isn’t able to think properly, you told him all over again that he was so smart, smarter than all of them, if someone would just give him the chance to show. And right now, his brain implanted a sick thought on him. "Dinnae tell me ye put something in mah drink."

Her eyes widened. "Of course not," she mumbled.

"Don't lie to me," his hand immediately went to her throat , choking the truth out of her.

"Knockout drugs," she whispered. She was fighting for air as I let her go; the men in the pub already stood up trying to save the poor woman from getting abused by a man.

"You raped me." His shock hit deep; he always thought something like that wouldn’t happen to him. He was strong and able to protect himself. He was the guy who killed people, the youngest man in the SAS, the guy who beat up an officer because he touched a civi. But now, he was the victim.

"Have fun proving it. No one will believe that a tiny girl like me raped the big bad soldier," she laughed, and screamed for help. "Help, this man doesn’t take no for an answer," He was kicked out of the pub; his face was bloody from all the beating.

All he wanted was to reach you, ask your advice, be in the comfort of your arms, telling him all over again how he is a good man, how he is worth everything and not a dirty soldier. But you didn’t pick up; he came to the realization quickly; that no one would believe him.

**Soap:** Please tell me we used a condom.

**Medic:** ;)

Fuck.

————————————————————————————————-

4 am and you still couldn’t sleep; your head was full of thoughts. Why were you not good enough? Why did he do it? So, you made a thing your friends would kill you for. Calling John, you weren’t sure if he would pick up, but he did.

"What's wrong, love?" Source of habit, he thought.

"Why did you do this, John?" you sobbed.

"I didn't mean for it to happen; it was an accident."

"Then why didn't you say sorry?"

"Love."

"Don't fucking call me love. You cheated on me, and you didn't say sorry. You didn't run after me, you didn't apologize," your sobs broke his heart.

"I'm sorry; it was an accident."

"An accident is making a typo, not sticking your dick in a whore."

"I—"

"I hate you, John. I hate you so much," and you hung up. This wasn’t what you expected. Why doesn’t he feel guilty? Why are you not good enough? Why didn’t Simon say something? Why didn’t Kyle come here? Of course, you broke up, but why don’t they care?

If you only knew how Kyle was, blood-covered in the hospital, too many rookies in his way. How Simon was trying desperately to find Soap to see he didn't drink himself to death, and then he would come to you, he told him self all over again. And how the captain didn't leave his office, not even for food.

And how Soap went into John's office, trying to explain to him the truth, only to see a disarranged office, hands covered in blood after he tried to pick up the liquor he smashed at his wall. He never saw his captain so vulnerable, and if Soap didn’t know better, he would have sworn he saw tears.

"Captain, I—"

"You did already enough, MacTavish. Let me have at least one day to mourn over the loss of the love of my fucking life."

"Captain—"

"LEAVE," and he did, he crawled into his bed, knowing he lost everything in a day, the love of his life, his best friend Kyle, his captain, his pride, and safety, and not even Ghost was there.

[marcsburnerphone]

And they were roomates

(Captain John price x F!reader)

Summary: the captain wants somewhere more homely to settle down and when an offer like yours comes alight on Zillow he must take up on it.

Warnings: kissing, a little tinsy bit angsty, flirtatious banter.

part 1 - part 2 - part 3 - part 4 - part 5 - part 6- part 7 - part 8 - Part 9 - part 10

-------------

“Why’re you putting these up anyway?” You say standing at the bottom of the ladder that John is currently stood on, installing cameras he purchased for outside your home.

“Cause i’ll have to return to work this weekend and i’d like to make sure you’re safe.” you smile to yourself at his protective nature.

“I’ve lived here for ages and nothing has ever happened.” you reassure him as he descends the ladder.

“It’s for my peace of mind.” he says quietly between the two of you in the spring air.

“Okay.” you reply as he places a kiss on your forehead.

“Onto the next corner.” he says gathering the ladder, walking to the other side of the house as his tool belt clings and clangs.

—------------

“Anything you can tell me about this next mission you’re going on?” you ask as the both of you lay on the couch.

“I leave on Sunday and don't know when I'll return, that's all.” He tries to make his deep gruff voice soft it’s a cute attempt. He knew this was going to be the hard part for both of you. You want him to stay and he doesn’t want to go but duty calls.

“Mmm.” you breathe into his chest, trying to inhale him, commit his scent to memory sure it’ll linger but this is straight from the source.

“I'll call you when I can.”

“I thought you weren't allowed to bring a personal phone, that’s what Gaz told me.” you rest your chin on his chest looking up at him.

“Gaz isn’t the captain.” he says, raising an eyebrow at you.

“Ah abuse of power is it.” You quip. 

“If that’s what it takes to reach you.” You look away not being able to contain your blush after that as if he couldn’t feel your heartbeat quicken.

He lifts your chin back up, leaning down almost straining his neck for a kiss. Of course this kiss turns into more, you move further up the couch straddling his waist you’re hungry for him, for his kisses, groans, deep inhales of air, all of it. He’s flipped the two of you over pinning you beneath him with almost half his weight.

“John, why’re you teasing me?” You whimper.

“Not teasing, takin ma time.” 

He kisses down your throat, over your pulse to your collarbone ridding you of your shirt tossing it somewhere to be picked up later. This has been a common occurrence recently thing is he won’t fuck you. No, he will do everything else and give you absolutely anything you want except well what you want. 

“John.” You say as he starts to take your pants off.

“Yeah doll?” He slows the movement of his fingers and simply rests them on your hips.

“Why- why won’t you- you know fuck me?” So you did notice.

“Well because I- I actually-“ he’s a stuttering mess for the first time since you’ve met. 

“Do you not want to?” You begin as you sit up.

“Of course I do, believe me, but I want to savor you in every single way I can, you're irresistible as you are if I have you the way I want it’s all I’ll think about whilst also trying to not get killed.” He admits while comfortingly rubbing your thigh.

“Oh, that’s actually quite hot.” You feel a little bad, I mean who are you to demand something that’s literally a part of him.

“When I’m back I promise I'll give you my cock like you so desperately want.” Well damn.

——————

“Do you guys share a room wherever these missions are?” You ask as he dices up tomatoes for your antipasto Salad. 

“Em there’s rarely time for sleep but sometimes depending where we are we do and other times we don’t. Most times there aren’t even rooms there’s tents or simply no sleep.” He answers before tossing them into the large bowl beside his cutting board as you hum in understanding.

You didn’t know he knew had to cook, well sort of. He can grill, but that’s something that you cannot. So recently he’s been showing you how to smoke and grill different meats, today is what he said was the best of them all and longest cooking time, brisket. 

“Do they snore?” You ask as he laughs at your random questions.

“Yeah actually soap snores like a fucking pig, it’s horrible.” Now it’s your turn to laugh as he nods towards the door for you to follow him outside so he can check on the meat.

“Do I snore?” you ask sheepishly. He smiles looking over his shoulder at you, your arms crossed across your chest to make up for your lack of a sweater. When he sees you this way, so comfortable and raw, hair in your face and pajamas at 6PM, it’s everything and more. 

“You do.” your eyes go wide.

“No, do I really?” you seem so genuinely concerned.

“Doll everynight i've got to spend beside you has been the deepest and best sleep of my life, if you snore I've got no idea.” 

“Thank goodness.” You sigh out as he approaches you.

“Ready to eat?” He asks brushing hair from your face. 

“Yes.” 

Dinner is more talking than eating on your behalf, you want to soak up every second with him that you can. He listens intently wishing his brain was a recording machine so he could play it back when he needed to feel sane. 

“God John that was so good.” You say half an hour after he’s already finished his meal which was also his third serving. 

“I’m glad, you always cook. I'm happy to be able to provide you with this one thing.” 

“You’ve provided me with much more than this one thing.” You say with a soft smile, it’s so sweet it nearly knocks him breathless.

“I don’t want you to leave.” You admit.

“I know, doll.” He reaches across the table for your hand holding it firmly but not tightly as he looks away.

“But I know you have too.” His eyes return to yours.

“How will I spend my days without thee John Price? What will I do?” You say it over dramatically.

“Nothing too risky I hope.” He replies, eyes crinkling at the corner.

“Maybe I’ll skydive.” You tease.

“Please don’t.” 

“Can’t promise.” You joke.

“You’re going to give me more gray hairs.” He said showing you the few already on his head.

“That’s exactly what I want, I love the grays.” And he loves you, but he can’t bring himself to admit it although it isn’t even something he can try to rid himself of at this point it has consumed him whole, sprouting colorful and beautiful things inside him.

“Movie time my darling up we go.” He says as he stands motioning for you to do also. 

This is something that has become ritual, dinner then movie. It’s the perfect unwinding time although sometimes most times it turns into more.

“You pick?” You say as you hand him the remote, getting comfortable at his side tucking your head beneath his big arm. 

“You’ll fall asleep half way through this.” He looks down at your already drooping eyes.

“No I won’t.” 

“You will.” He plays a show you two had begun the other week as he settles in more comfortably moving one of your legs to rest across him. 

He’s laughing unaware of just about everything as his whole body shakes, that’s until he notices you’re not and to his not so own surprise you’re passed out cold. 

——————

When you wake it’s sometime deep into the night. The tv shows its rest screen and John is sleeping. Unfortunately after a weak attempt at falling asleep you’ve decided you're no longer tired so you just lay there, hand beneath John’s shirt rising and falling with every breath he takes. The only noise to be heard is his heartbeat and the clock ticking. 

You begin to overthink the more time passes, you’ll be alone in just two days. The comfort and protection John brings you will be miles away. This warmth that fulfills your soul won’t be in your home any longer. It scares you, how much you want him around how much you love him. You wonder if this is as hard for him as it is for you or if it’s something he’s gotten used to. 

It’s overbearing, too much. You untangle yourself from him, sliding your leg over his body and onto the floor, stepping as lightly as you can onto solid ground.

You tiptoe to the kitchen and open the fridge for water. You lean against the counter before taking a sip out of the bottle breathing deeply to calm your racing heart. You’re zoned out completely so much that you don’t notice John come into the kitchen till he’s placing his hands on your hips. 

“You scared me.” You jump slightly as he offers you a sleepy smile. 

“What’re you doing awake?” 

“Can’t sleep.” You say not meeting his eyes.

“Why didn’t you wake me?” He asks. 

“thought you’d need as much good sleep as possible.” You say quietly, leaning your head on his chest.

“That’s not as important as you.” He rubs a firm hand onto your back pulling you close. He holds you like this for what seems like eternity and you relish in it.

“I’m going to paint for a little, please go lay back down.” He looks exhausted as you finally bring your eyes to him. 

“Come paint in my room.” He is tired but he’d rather be sleep deprived than have you anywhere but next to him. 

“What? You’re crazy, all my stuff is in the sun room.” You say with a small laugh.

“Then I’ll move it, I can’t sleep when you’re more than 5 feet away from me.” 

“Okay.” You know he won’t give up so you’ve learned to give in.

You simply watch as he picks up the heavy canvas and its easel hauling it across the house as you grab your brushes and paints and follow. 

He sets it dangerously close to his side of the bed, he even moves the nightstand over to the corner to ensure you have enough room. 

“Perfect.” He says after pulling his desk chair out of his office and over to it.

“Yeah actually it kinda is.” You smile. 

“Well, have at it.” He says giving you a firm kiss then walking over to the bed and getting comfortable. You sit in his very big but very comfortable desk chair and begin to mix colors in the small pallet that rests on your thigh.

“Goodnight.” He says pulling the chair towards him with an outstretched arm for one more kiss which you happily give. 

“Night.” 

—————

Released an hour early as a little surprise

It’s my best lol it’ll get better just getting back into my groove:)

As always love ya!!!

————-

@beebeechaos @ttsbaby01 @arminarlertssword @quakeroaksguy @rafaelacallinybbay @bumblebeesfromvenus @glitterypirateduck @midnights-song @lovelythingsinternal @fruitymoonbeams-blog @kkaaaagt @kit-williams @enfppuff @kythefangirl25 @eviltheleon @here4thespice @dclore22 @raethethey @waves-against-a-cliff @novausstuff @darling006 @vampirekilmerfic @Dreams-of-qian-qian @spngingerbread21 @thepumpkinqueen93 @copiasratscheese @youdontknowe @spyderdoll @angels-gonna-play @viisgrave @lieutenantlashfaz @sunndust @beckythecatqueen-blog @aoioozora @o-birdseed-o @mothmothmothmothmothmoth @ihateuguys @oversensitivitea @spicyspicyliving

[jackdaw-kraai]

Comprehensive Anti-Body Odor Guide

Do you stink? Do you not wish to? Do you feel like you've tried everything and are at your wit's end? Never fear, I'm going to take you through every single thing I know about reducing and managing offensive body odor and feeling better about it, because point number one:

It's Not Your Fault:

Regardless of what advertising, social media, your peers, your family, intimate partners, or anyone else has told you, you're not morally inferior for struggling with your body odor, and it's not a sin on your part. You are a human being, and therefore, an animal. A mammal specifically. Your body naturally produces scents and odors for all kinds of reasons, including to signal something socially (yes, really) or as a symptom of something being wrong in your environment or body.

You are going to smell.

The thing I'm going to help you control is whether or not, to your own nose or that of others, you smell bad.

But know that even if you follow every step and tip and trick I give you, you are never going to be scentless or naturally smell like something other than a human being. Your body, naturally, will never produce scents like those of perfumes, soaps, or other things you and others consider pleasant.

This is okay.

You are not a flower, a fresh-baked pastry, a musk gland, or anything else. You are a human. You're going to smell like a human. I know this can be difficult to deal with, but that's a fundamental thing I need you to accept and be okay with before we proceed, okay?

It's fine and morally neutral to produce the natural scents a human body does, and fundamentally, you cannot change that.

All that being said, scent is an important sense to the human experience, and plays a much bigger role in our lives than we're popularly led to believe. You may have heard of the fact that taste is mostly smell, or that smell is the sense most strongly connected to our deep memory. This is all true, but smell is also an important way to gauge health and social well-being, which is why smelling in a way we consider bad can be such a struggle. Therefore...

Accounting For External Factors:

There are many reasons other than the topics that we're going to touch on that can contribute to offensive scents. Your cleaning habits, being sick, your general environment, it can all contribute to smelling bad.

First to address the heavy and serious stuff, because unfortunately, if this guide is to be as comprehensive as can be, it needs to be addressed. Head's up for discussions of addiction, mental health, abuse, and poverty, and how it can affect a life. If you're not up for it, but still want the tips, skip to the next enlarged, bolded heading where I'll continue to address more common, less heavy causes of BO.

Without further ado.

Sickness, especially addiction, can heavily contribute to body odor, and may not always be easy or even pleasant to deal with. Infections can smell bad. Smoking can cause some serious Bad Odor in your mouth, clothes, house, ect. Depression can contribute to being unable to care for basic hygiene, which, of course, can smell bad.

I need to reiterate: this is not a moral failing.

This is your scent functioning as intended.

Bad smells can often signal that something is Wrong with the person carrying it, in this case you. It allows you and others around you to know that there may be something going on in your life which either prevents you from grooming yourself properly, or cannot be groomed away at all. This is normal. We are a social species with social adaptations. Being able to know that something might be wrong with our troop, even if no one knows how to put words to it, is a vital survival skill, even in the modern day.

If your ear, privates, or other part known for being "dirty" itches, burns, otherwise hurts or irritates, and stinks, go to a doctor, you likely have some sort of infection or other minor injury that makes you more vulnerable to infection. Fungal, bacterial, and even viral illnesses and infections can produce some of the foulest scents you've ever smelled, and often throughout history this was one of our main diagnostic tools. Even today we still use it to note that something's wrong, with me telling you this in this post as a prime example.

Again, this is not you being filthy, or morally depraved, this is you being sick. However embarrassing it is, it's part of being human, completely normal, and treatments are often readily available. These kinds of issues can arise from all sorts of normal, every day activities, even issues related to your private areas. While certain activities I won't name at a risk of being censored can and do lead to these issues, other sources can be: sweating in tight or poorly breathing clothing, walking through nature, sitting on a surface that happens to have bacteria or spores, wiping after going to the toilet, using any kind of public bathroom even if it's cleaned regularly, and many other such riveting and scandalous activities. All this can happen even when fully clothed and if you wash regularly. It's normal, and a part of being human, I promise you.

Go to a doctor and get a diagnosis if possible, even if treatments are over-the-counter. Bacterial and fungal infections often have extremely similar symptoms, to the point even professional misdiagnosis is not uncommon if the professional isn't paying attention.

Common "alternative" treatments made from household ingredients and especially essential oils can exacerbate any symptoms severely due to being in large part comprised of nutrients that feed the infection (in case of things like herbs, garlic, sugar, and honey), insufficient disinfectant (hand sanitizer, drinking alcohol, mouthwash), or outright harmful chemicals (common cleaning products, essential oils, mouthwash). Please only use certified, and well-known medical treatments when handling these issues.

Incorrect treatment can worsen the condition and sometimes hurt like hell.

However embarrassed you are, please, please seek professional experience rather than trying to go it alone if at all possible. A misdiagnosis is unlikely to kill you, but can be extremely uncomfortable and prolong the issue. Resort to self-diagnosis only as an absolute last option if you cannot get a professional opinion anywhere else. If you're unable to afford or access healthcare, you might have to risk it, but try and search for possible accredited social programs and charities first.

If you are a minor and cannot trust your current guardians to help you, try and see if you can't confide in a possible school or extracurricular employee like a certified nurse or medic, and an other trusted adult failing that.

Only self-diagnose a possible infection as a last resort, I cannot stress this enough.

And always, always alert emergency responders if symptoms seem to worsen, as any infection you might have could turn septic if left untreated.

This can kill you.

I cannot overstate this enough, an untreated infection left to go septic can and will kill you. If you suspect you have an infection and symptoms aren't alleviating after a few days, if any discomfort you experience is bad enough to even partially incapacitate you, and especially if symptoms seem to worsen or spread, ignore all other instructions and immediately visit a doctor or call your local emergency services to notify them of your status. Even if you don't have an infection, none of these symptoms are normal, and you need prompt professional, medical assistance.

Mental illnesses and addiction are other illnesses which are often ignored or forgotten about when considering why you might smell bad. Even putting aside how these afflictions can make you more susceptible to more conventional illnesses, being unable to take care of your own hygiene is another signal that something is wrong, as grooming is another way to show health. If someone is in a poor state of grooming and doesn't seem to care, check in on them, they might need help for some other issue not immediately visible.

If you are the person suffering from these issues and any instructions further down the list are infeasible, ineffective, or unsustainable for whatever reason because of your situation, it's not your fault.

You are ill and need treatment before you can tackle other issues.

Being depressed to the point of being unable to shower or do laundry is not a moral or personal failing, it's an illness and these are the symptoms.

Being a smoker and having chronic bad breath and nicotine scent stick to your clothes isn't a moral or personal failing, it's an addiction, an illness, and these are the symptoms.

Being a drug user and having physical signs of your use or regularly being in a mental state where hygiene is impossible to maintain isn't a moral or personal failing, they are symptoms.

You are a person suffering from a severe illness, and your struggles with hygiene aren't a consequence, they're a symptom. Either the root issue needs to be treated for these symptoms to alleviate, or you need help in symptom management until such a thing can be achieved, if it can be achieved at all. There are many resources out there specifically for issues like these, and if you're one of the lucky ones, your social safety net is exactly what you are supposed to rely on in times of these. Even if you feel ashamed for needing these services, or are estranged from possible loved ones who might be able to help you due to your issues, please, reach out, and ask for help if you can.

It's a part of being human.

Anyway, all of this was already heavy, but there's still two main elephants in the room waiting to be addressed, so if you're still here, good job. I'm genuinely proud of you. This isn't easy to read, and if it's immediately relevant to you, even harder to confront. So. Take a deep breath. Possibly get up to walk a bit, get a drink, snack, whatever, and let's get back to it.

It can't be avoided when talking about hygiene. Poverty is a major factor in being unable to care for oneself in too many ways to count, and I will be upfront and say I have no personal experience with it, knock on wood. Therefore, while I'll try to be sensitive to the fact that hygiene, like so many other things, is a matter of resources and time, it has to be acknowledged that some of the tips, tricks, and advice I will give can be straight-up impossible for anyone living in poverty, working multiple jobs, caring for dependents, and any other kind of issue that means there can be a strain upon both the budget and time available to tend to one's body odor.

This is not a moral or personal failure, it's a consequence of the inadequacies of our modern society requiring people to sacrifice such vital things as time and resources to devote to personal grooming and maintaining a home. Therefore, while I will try to give alternatives to anything that might be extremely time consuming or expensive, some things just have to be acknowledged as infeasible on certain budgets for either money or time.

If that's you, you are not helpless or lesser, you're just dealing with more obstacles. Pick and choose whatever seems useful or possible from this guide, and I will try and give as much foundational knowledge as I can so you can devise alternative options where possible. This issue might be harder to deal with when impoverished, but with a bit of luck, hopefully you and I can still make progress wherever possible.

And lastly, we have to talk about abuse.

People in abusive environments or relationships often don't have full or sometimes any control over their time or resources. Trying to maintain personal hygiene in these kinds of situations can be next to impossible while also trying to remain relatively safe from the wrath of an abuser. All of the advice I will give in the upcoming sections assume at least a minimal allocation of purchasing power and control over one's schedule and actions. Some people in abusive relationships may be able to make use of them, some may not.

If this is you, I'm so sorry, and I promise you, it's not your fault if you're struggling. Even if your abuser insists otherwise, I need you to hear and trust this: it's not you, it's them. You're not crazy, unreasonable, slovenly, dirty, irredeemable, sinful, damned, disobedient, or anything else they say you are, you are in pain. You're in an impossible predicament, and anyone expecting you to be able to maintain personal hygiene with this kind of pressure is out of their minds.

Find whatever allies you can, severe contact with the person hurting you if possible, and take whatever you can use from this guide that you can. Anything else that seems infeasible or impossible without invoking the wrath of your abuser is immaterial and not your fault. It's their fault, in all honesty. All strength in your struggles, and don't worry about smelling like your fought a war when you're actively in the trenches. Clean up can come after you are safe.

Now, with all the heavy, hard stuff out of the way, and to everyone rejoining us here...

Comprehending Body Odor, The Basics:

Let's start there. What is body odor, and why can it seem so impossible to get rid of sometimes?

Well, unfortunately for you, there's no one easy trick that can rid you of bad smells forever, but rather a myriad of complicated factors that range from basic biology to modern social trends all contributing to why you can gag yourself with the scent of your socks sometimes.

Humans are animals, and the trouble starts here. Animals produce scents, and anyone who's ever been near one or owned one can attest to this cosmic truth. From our poop to our breath, bad smells can come from everywhere, but some sources are more obvious than others. Not pooping or peeing our pants is generally something we learn as a toddler and get better at as we age, so that handily eliminates one of the most common sources of foul smells.

Similarly, dealing with other odors is a learned skill, and one that changes as you get older. Everyone knows the stereotype of teens that smell like gym socks, but rarely do we discuss why this is the case. So, like so many things in the human body, it all comes down to biology and chemistry.

When we enter puberty, we start producing an absolute ton of hormones, and if that's you right now, I'm so sorry, I know it sucks, and all the annoying adults telling you it will get better do so because it's irritatingly true. Just try to survive and you'll get there. As for coping with the sudden influx of unpleasant smelliness, here's the deal. Your body is currently going through a lot of growth, some of it visible, and a lot of it very much not. One of the things currently kicking into overdrive is the production of your apocrine sweat glands, not to be confused with your eccrine sweat glands.

"What the hell are those??"

A thing that will plague you for a long time to come, but, not something that's unmanageable. Let me explain.

The human body is absolutely covered in sweat glands. Just completely covered in it. It's one of the things that makes us special in the animal kingdom, as sweating to this extent is something that's actually pretty rare. Only a few other species have the kind of sweat gland real estate we have, and of them, we definitely make the best use of it. See, part of our evolutionary success comes from being pursuit predators when we're not being grumpy omnivores. It means that instead of ambushing our prey or running it down, we just follow it. For hours. Until the prey is so exhausted it just can't run anymore and, hey! Dinner! Go team, good job, time to hit the showers.

Which we'll need, because part of this strategy, mechanically speaking, is getting rid of the heat our muscles produce as fast as possible so we don't collapse before that poor deer does. Other animals do this through panting, wallowing, sitting in the shade, whatever, but our ancestors didn't have time for that. All of that is either impossible or terribly inefficient while running, so instead what we did is reduce our hair coverage so the sun can more easily reach our skin, increase sweat production to levels almost unheard of, and allow these combined factors to ensure we're basically always walking around in a microscopic cloud of water vapor that acts as our personal heat sink.

It's extremely cool, extremely efficient, and unfortunately part of why you have to deal with smelling awful after you've hit the gym. You see, most of our sweat glands are eccrine sweat glands, which is cool, because these are the ones that mostly produce sweat that consists of water, salt, and a tiny bit of proteins. No big deal, you might feel gross once it dries on your skin, but it's basically odorless, and a quick shower and change of clothes is all you need to deal with that mess, easy peasy.

Unfortunately, this also kicks in your apocrine sweat glands, which also start to produce a lot more sweat, and here's where our problems start. You see, while this kind of sweat is the cause of your problems, it isn't actually the sweat itself that stinks. Sure, it's oily, and opaque, and feels gross, but it's actually as odorless as your eccrine sweat. Modified apocrine glands are actually what produce your tears, ear wax, and even breast milk in those of you capable of it, it's all so cool! Unfortunately, this sentiment is also shared by some of our microscopic fellow earthlings, and that's where we find the culprit of our stink.

You see, while apocrine sweat doesn't smell initially, it actually is designed so symbiotic bacteria living on our skin find it irresistible and start consuming it. Gross! But the worst part isn't that they're your dinner guests in the weirdest of ways, that's actually completely normal. It's that they're rude dinner guests and the sources of the smell that terrorizes gym locker rooms the world over! Their digestion of your apocrine sweat is what causes that stink, and unfortunately, there's nothing you can do to stop it.

Well...

Nothing you can do to stop it permanently.

But you sure as hell can make your displeasure known in the mother of all neighborly disputes.

First of all, let's tackle the source. Now that we know that it's not our sweat itself, but the bacteria that are raining on our parade, the solution is actually pretty obvious: anti-bacterial soap. If you're one of the unfortunate people struggling with reducing your BO, switching over to anti-bacterial soap and shampoo can really help kill the problem at the source, reducing the number of bacteria causing your issues, and allowing for it to take longer for the issue to come back. You will never kill off your bacteria population entirely, and frankly, you shouldn't, they're doing a lot of good too, despite being such rude dinner guests. But culling the population is a great first step in dealing with the problem, and paves the way for the rest of our steps.

And if you're sitting there like "well, that's fine and dandy, but sometimes I just can't shower, you ever think of that?" and first of all, patience, young grasshopper, I'm getting to it, and second of all, yes, I have! If you're one of these people who either can't shower or would need to shower more than you can be bothered to, try using either anti-bacterial wipes or, funnily enough, hand sanitizer with a high alcohol content. Wipes or pads used for cleaning cuts or scrapes and hand sanitizer make for easy portable solutions to a lack of access to a shower or the fucks to use one.

The locations of your apocrine glands that you can safely clean this way are your armpits, the sides of your nostrils, your perineal area, and some parts of external genitalia. We'll talk about that "some" later, but for now, those are the areas safe to wipe down with either a wipe or some hand sanitizer if you can't clean yourself otherwise. Dry shampoo will take care of the glands on your scalp, and baby wipes can take care of the eccrine sweat on the rest of your body if you feel extremely grody. If any other part of your body stinks especially bad and it's not on that short list, you can wipe that down too as long as it's not near any kind of orifice or mucosal membrane (the parts of your body you can touch that feel slimy, like the inside of your nose or mouth).

Now speaking of mucus, it’s time to get back to the genitalia part. Everyone try to stay mature for this, it’s important.

Let’s come out and say it: genitals can stink. They’re actually meant to, it’s part of the whole “social scent” thing, but too much is just too much, y’know? So needless to say, you gotta clean ‘em, but for everyone out there with the whole or partial set that’s more inside than outside there’s an important message: don’t smear fucking soap in there.

“But it stinks!”

It smells. It’s genitalia, it’s what it does, it’s fine.

“But I don’t want it to smell!”

Tough titties, you still need to stop smearing soap on it.

“It stains my underwear!”

I promise you, it doesn’t. Now, everyone who doesn’t have genitalia set that’s more internal than external might be wondering what I’m talking about, and to that I say, shush, this ain’t about you, just listen up.

I’m going to call it a… let’s call it a wallet, to make sure tumblr doesn’t twig and mark this as something it’s not. Your wallet has multiple folds, and a lot of cool properties, but one that’s immediately relevant is that the secretions you always have to deal with aren’t actually ph neutral, they’re slightly acidic. What this means is that those stains aren’t stains, they’re actually places your natural wallet secretions have bleached your undies a bit.

This ph also means you can fuck it up royally if you smear soap in there, so quit it. Rinsing with water will do just fine for the inner folds, and if you really must, you can lightly soap up the outer folds. Soaping it up will do more damage than good, and make you more susceptible to infections and the like. Similarly don’t do anything like douches, or other nonsense that shoves things up in there or smears it on it in the name of “cleaning” it. It’s right next to your waste disposals, and absolutely loaded with mucosal membranes, weird smells are to be expected and are fine. Just keep it clean with water and I promise you it’ll smell less bad than if you use soap.

Cool? Cool. Moving on.

But say it's not your body that's stinky. Say it's your mouth. Well, that too is something you can thank bacteria for, but thankfully is a lot easier to fix. Just do what your dentist recommends you to do, and brush twice daily or whenever your mouth feels gross. If you've got persistent problems, ask them about it. It might be something like a tonsil stone or other foreign object stinking up the place, and they can help you get rid of it easily. Again: doctors are your friends, and dentists are doctors of a very specialized profession.

So, now you're fresh as a daisy! You've either showered or wiped yourself down, you've brushed your teeth, and everything is puppies and rainbows! But we all know that doesn't last long if you've been reading this post up to this point, so how do we keep it this way?

Well.

Deodorant, Clothing, Cleaning, And You:

So we've tackled the skin layer of the issue, and if everything has gone to plan, you're smelling a lot better now! Congrats! But, of course, the real struggle is keeping it that way, so let's get into the weeds, because this is probably going to be a lot of things that you might have never considered before. So, to ease you in, let's start with something you definitely have: deodorant.

You're gonna need it.

I'm sorry, but you do. There's ways to go deodorant-free through life, but let's be honest, if you're reading this post, you probably aren't looking for that kind of lifestyle, so let's get into the thick of it. There's a lot of deodorants out there, but how do you know which one is for you? To put it bluntly, it's gonna take some trial and error, but here's a few guidelines to get you started.

One, you're gonna want something in stick form, preferably a solid stick of deodorant rather than a roller ball like you'd probably envisioned when I said "deodorant stick." Sprays and the like are easy, but if you're struggling with odor, you're gonna want a deodorant that will stick instead of rubbing off throughout the day like most do due to friction from either skin or clothing.

Two, go for something light on the scent. Scentless, if necessary. I know a heavy scent might seem more secure in masking any potential smells, but one, it doesn't, it just blends with the scent and creates a truly nauseating aroma. If you've been in a locker room and smelled a dozen dozen different deodorants and gym sweat mixed together, you'll know the truth of this. Aside from that, perfumes often irritate the skin, and we don't want to make it easier for the bacteria to propagate like they'd do on skin that's more vulnerable to infection due to being inflamed. Go for something lighter, it'll not only be kinder on your skin, but also allow you to actually smell when it's time to clean yourself again and reapply.

Three, look for a deodorant that moisturizes as well as blocking perspiration. It's great that you're reducing sweating, but your skin still kind of needs that moisture, so if you're damming up one source, you need to provide another to make sure nothing funky starts happening. Keeping your skin healthy helps prevent curing one problem by causing another, and irritated skin really isn't any better than smelly skin.

So now you have a deodorant. Keep it with you, along with some wipes, and you'll be set! But that's only half the battle, because all that sweat still needs to go somewhere, so here's the part where you might need to take some notes.

Here's the thing: we're gonna have to talk about fabric. Specifically the fabric you wear and sleep in.

The majority of our bodily filth actually gets absorbed by our clothes and bedding, including our sweat, so if you wanna stay clean, you're gonna need some clean clothes. This is easier said than done, though, as what your clothes are made of matters too, but let's start with some basics.

Here's a rule of thumb if you have no idea where to start: any fabric that touches your skin should be washed after a single day of wear. Everything that touches that layer should be washed after about three times wearing it. Everything that touches that layer should be washed every week.

Mind you, this is a rule of thumb for things you can wash. Suit jackets, genuine silk, leather, ect. obviously goes by its own rules, but if you're struggling to know how often to wash something, don't know how to sort which fabric can tolerate being worn more often than others, or just don't have the time to sort things, this will do in a pinch. Mind you, this is will also wear out your clothes faster if you don't know which garment can tolerate what, but we'll get to that.

Starting from the skin, let's talk about each layer as we go. If you struggle with BO, I recommend switching out your underwear every single day, minimum. Twice a day if you think you can handle it in terms of laundry and the like, once after waking up, once before going to bed. Socks follow the same rules. Wash these garments at 60 degrees celsius, or 140 degrees fahrenheit to prevent any build-up of smells.

After that, we're on to shirts. Tight-fitting tshirts, button ups, blouses, and the like should be washed after every wear. Most people will say you can wear them twice or thrice before you need to wash them, but we're not most people here. We're dealing with stink, and we want to get rid of it, so swap that shirt after every time wearing it. Wash at 40*C, or 100*F for best results if the fabric can handle it.

Pants are tricky, and we'll get more into them later, but if you air them out after each time wearing them and haven't sweated profusely in them, you can wear them three or four times before needing to wash them. Skirts are similar, and if they aren't of a tighter design like a pencil skirt of similar, you can add a wear or two to that number. Wash at the same temperature as your shirts if you can.

Dresses are similarly tricky, but if you're wearing them directly on the skin and have a fitted bodice (the torso section), you need to treat it the same as a shirt, and wash it after every wear. Same washing instructions as pants or shirts.

Pajamas should be washed every two times wearing it, as you sweat in your sleep as well, and sleeping in your bed doesn't help the matter. Wash at 60*C or 140*F with your underwear and socks if possible.

Your bedding should be washed every four to seven days, depending on how much you sweat in your sleep. Yes, really. Yes, I know that's a chore. You're gonna need to do it, sorry. It's a lot of fabric you wallow in, sweat in, and sleep in for eight hours per day, and that's gonna contribute to smells if you don't clean it regularly. Invest in a mattress protector as well, so sweat doesn't seep into it and start to fester there. You'd be surprised how rank a mattress can smell if you sweat on it for eight hours a night, every night, and how that can contribute to you smelling rank after said sleep. It's the reason why you should also put said mattress on an actual bed frame instead of the floor, so air can circulate underneath it and keep it from looking like the bottom of that rock you turn over in the park after a rainy night.

And with all that said and noted...

None of this matters if you don't take note of what your clothes and bedding are actually made of. Because there are fibers that will help you and fibers that will stab you in the back by smelling awful no matter how often you wash it, and I'm gonna tell you which are which.

First of, linen. If you struggle with smells, linen is better than wool, cotton, silk, and anything else when it comes to smells. There's a reason it was the primary fabric of indo-european world since the stone age, and there's a reason I'm recommending it now, and that reason is this: it's the best when it comes to staying clean.

It wicks away sweat, making sure you don't feel icky as well as minimizing smells. It breathes, allowing sweat to actually evaporate rather than remaining trapped against your skin. It helps regulate temperature, feeling cool in the summer and warm in the winter. It lasts for actual, genuine centuries if treated right and can be boiled and beaten to clean it without suffering negative effects. And as a cherry on top, it's mildly exfoliating as well due to the structure of the fibers, absorbing even more filth that would otherwise contribute to feeding the stank bacteria and your BO.

If you learn anything at all from this post, learn that linen is the best fabric bar none to wear against your skin.

Wool is the next best, absorbing moisture like nothing else while remaining dry to the touch, breathing better than most cottons, a lightweight wool will actually keep you cooler in summer than cotton will, and you rarely need to wash it at all as allowing it to air out will take care of most scents and sweat from daily wear. Love wool, adore wool, she's giving us e v e r y t h i n g.

Cotton is third best. This is essentially your economy option if you can't afford, thrift, or otherwise get a hold of the first two. It's decent at absorbing moisture and breathability. It'll handle both heat and cold in a pinch. It won't hold on to most scents if given a thorough wash, and most relevant of all, it's the easiest to find and afford in our modern world.

Silk is kind of the odd one out here, as it's merits aren't in being a skin layer, but an outer layer. In aesthetics it's unmatched, and it's lighter weight than wool while being surprisingly warm. The downsides to it are that it doesn't breathe easily or absorb moisture, meaning it's a very poor choice to wear directly on the skin unless you're fond of swamp ass.

And last and definitely least.

Synthetic. Fabrics.

Look, I'm going to level with you. My hate for synthetic fabrics didn't start as an altruistic "it dumps microplastics in the water with every wash, is literally just plastic, and awful for the environment." It started as it just being the worst at being a fabric. It doesn't breathe at all. It cannot absorb as it is plastic. It won't keep you warm for shit, and the worst, the absolute worst.

It absorbs and holds on to smells. No matter how often you wash it.

If you sweat enough in a synthetic garment, it'll start hanging on to that scent at some point and good luck getting out at that point.

Genuinely, if you struggle with body odor, check the labels on your clothing and bedding, and see how much of it is synthetic and to what percent and then consider how easily you start to stink in them. I'm genuinely not crunchy or hippie or anything like that to most degrees, it's just not my lifestyle, but I'll die on the hill of natural fibers as being infinitely superior in everything except price, and frankly, that's because in clothing if you buy cheap, you get cheap.

If there's one thing I recommend, it's buying or thrifting clothes that are as close to 100% natural fiber as is possible, and researching what types of fabric are best for your needs. Denim, for instance, is often 90% or more made of cotton, but due to the way it's woven and constructed it's awful for wicking away sweat and breathes like shit. If you struggle with BO, consider getting pants that aren't jeans. It'll really help with odor in your more private regions, as well as swamp ass and similar. Heck, consider skirts or kilts, nothing will breathe like that, and you'll have more legroom than you know what to do with!

All this goes for socks as well. If you struggle with stinky feet, get some genuine woolen socks, lightweight ones for warmer weather too. They'll keep your feet dry and minimize the development of smells. Airing out your shoes also can help, same as your jacket.

And lastly.

The Niche Points:

If you're still struggling, and let's be honest, every single body is different, so you still might, there are some remaining things to consider.

Nutrition is one of them, as a diet heavy on meat will cause worse smells on either end of your digestive tract than one heavier on veggier. Now, I want to be clear: this is not a call to go become vegetarian or vegan or any other kind of diet. If that's your calling, that's your business, but it's important to consider that meat and fish and even mushrooms all have very important nutrients in them that contribute to your health and keeping your body healthy. And as we've discussed earlier, an unhealthy body smells worse than anything that eating meat could cause.

What I'm saying instead is that if you know you've eaten a meal heavy on meat, fish, or similar, you can opt to brush your teeth more thoroughly than you normally would, as well as perhaps using something like a mouthwash your dentist recommends (never use mouthwashes without recommendation, guys. Dental hygiene is not a joke, and just because it's sold in a supermarket doesn't mean it's automatically good for you. Bread is sold there too, and I think celiacs would have some opinions about assuming it's healthy for everyone to eat).

If you think nutrition might be a cause for either your digestive processes smelling worse than usual or you being more susceptible to things like yeast infections, talk to a nutritionist or your doctor. What you eat is more important than you think for your daily hygiene, and a change of diet can help more than you think.

On a similar point, if you've tried all of this and you still find yourself surrounded by smells that make you gag, consider giving your place of residence a deep cleaning or hiring a professional to do so. Cleaning too is a learned skill, and some people are better at it naturally than others. This doesn't mean you can't learn, but it also means there is no shame in paying or asking for assistance if you find you need it.

The Conclusion:

Body odor isn't something we often talk about as a serious factor that can affect someone's self-confidence and general happiness, nor what it actually means when someone struggles to manage it. It's often the butt of the joke, but rarely do we consider the underlying issues that we're making fun of.

Teenagers, adult slobs, college students, sufferers of mental illnesses. We all have a stereotypical picture in our minds of rooms covered in dirty clothes, dirty dishes, and of course, greasy, crusty, stained and ripped clothes with a cartoony little cloud of flies hovering around the subject's head. But think about that image and what it really is: a failure of one of the most base instincts the human species has. We are, all things considered, a clean species, and don't let stories of filthy peasants throughout history fool you.

We have a wealth of evidence of bathhouses throughout every kind of civilization, washing fabrics as a respectable profession, hygienic products older than the pyramids, and mentions of perfumes and fine clothing as old as civilization itself. Humans want to be clean and smell good, we always have. A failure to do so is, as with many things thoughtlessly ridiculed, a worrying sign of either a mind in trouble, or thoughtlessly neglected in the education of how to keep clean.

We're born as near-blank slates, and generally acknowledges as needing to be taught not to defecate in our pants. But somewhere along the line that grace disappears, and the knowledge of how to deal with smells effectively and thoroughly is assumed to be simply known. And as such, a failure of simply knowing is judged a moral or personal failing.

This is bullshit.

People need help in all kinds of matters, hell, we need to be taught how to do sex. The thing that ensures our actual species doesn't die out! If we can agree and acknowledge that even that information isn't truly inborn, but taught, we can do the same for other awkward, unpleasant, and mildly embarrassing topics.

Like what to do when you just don't know how to deal with smelling like a stinky gym sock, and are at your wit's end. So let's handle it with some grace and kindness from now on, yes? At least on this post.

And in that spirit, if anyone else here has a recommendation for how to deal with specific stubborn stanks, or has a specific kind of problem I haven't addressed, I hope you all will take such answers and questions in the respect I've given, and treat each other kind.

[writtenbymisunderstoodnerds]

Rock bottom (But you pulled me up) (Ingrid Engen x Reader)

I'm trying to work on my requests and WIP, but inspiration is lacking so I thought I'd try something new. This is my first time writing for someone out of the uswnt and in this style so please let me know what you think.

Warnings: Mentions of depression, anxiety, brief emotional abuse. Slightly suggestive at the end. Anything I've missed let me know.

Words: 2.8K

You could tell Ingrid was hurt, it was written all over her face. She had made you a lovely dinner and just wanted to have a movie night after not spending much time together. Yet here you were making an excuse to leave once again, you felt like a horrible girlfriend. Ingrid had taken the time to do something nice for you, but you couldn't get out of your head enough to enjoy it. Before you had the chance to get up, Ingrid uttered those three words that sent dread coursing through you. "We need to talk."

You swallowed hard before speaking, "About what?" 

"You barely spend anytime with me anymore. You never message me first, we only do stuff because I organise it. I don't feel like you want me anymore. You're slipping away. Are you trying to get me to break up with you because this hurts so much more than just doing it yourself."

"No! Ingrid-" Tears stung your eyes as you tried desperately to keep it together. Afraid that if she saw how broken you were she would just leave. Things had been difficult for you lately, you were depressed, anxious and stressed. You felt so close to rock bottom, as a result you had been pulling away from Ingrid. The last thing you wanted was Ingrid to leave you, but you also didn't want to be a burden to her or scare her away with your emotions. 

"Then what is it? Did I do something wrong?"

You could practically see the hope disappearing from Ingrid's eyes the longer you didn't answer, leaving hurt in its place. "I feel like when I see you, I need to be able to give you 100% of myself, of my energy and time. I can't do that right now and it makes me feel guilty. Like I'm a horrible girlfriend, that you deserve better than what I'm giving you."

Ingrid took your hand, everything in you fighting the urge to lean into her touch, to fall into the comfort you knew was waiting. If only you could bring yourself to accept it. The voices of your parents and ex-girlfriend hung in the back of your mind stopped you though. The voices that told you you were a burden to the people around you, that everyone had bigger problems to worry about and didn't care about you. The voices that told you Ingrid deserved better than you and your problems. 

"Elskling, relationships don't have to be equal all the time. There's times where it'll be 50/50, but there's times where you give 90% and I'll give 10% or the other way round, sometimes it'll be 70/30 or 60/40. You get my point. What's going on? You haven't been yourself lately and it's really worrying me. Talk to me please."

You sighed pulling away from Ingrid to cross your legs under yourself, grabbing a cushion to hold. There was a part of you that thought being single would be easier, that there was less risk of hurting Ingrid that way. At the same time you knew it was those stupid little voices in the back of your mind that kept pushing that thought. You loved Ingrid more than anything in this world and deep down you knew she loved you just as much. You didn't want to let everyone else win, you didn't want to let your mind win for once in your life. 

Talking about feelings was incredibly hard, it wasn't something you could do while being comforted by Ingrid or anyone really. "I'm sorry for the way I've been acting lately, it's not fair to you and I know that. I-I'll try to explain it all, bu-but I need you to be patient with me. Just let me speak and not touch me, I can't do this if you do."

"Anything you need. I just need you to know that whatever you tell me, I won't ever judge you. I love you Y/n, I love you so much."

"I love you Ingrid. I'm sorry if I ever made you doubt that. Okay, so I um I think I need to start with why I have such a hard time letting people in, especially those I love. My family, well to put it bluntly they're assholes. They were constantly putting down everything about my sister and I, nothing we ever did was good enough. Any problems we went through were nothing to them, they always told us that people had bigger problems, that they had bigger problems and we were just adding more stress to their lives if we talked to them about anything remotely not positive. Tha-thats the short version anyway. My uh my ex was pretty similar, she would tell me that she had better things to do then deal with my trauma or depression. If I was unhappy she would turn it around, say that she wasn't enough to make me happy. Even before her, I majorly struggled with my feelings and opening up to people. Fear mostly, that's why I um haven't told you anything. Fear that I'll be too much for you and that you'll leave me."

Tears threatened to fall, but pushing them back you continued talking. "I'm really struggling right now Ingrid. My depression is the worst it's been in years. The anxiety just sits there constantly under the surface making it feel impossible to breathe. Constant doubt about if I've made the right decisions, if I'm good enough at football, if I'm good enough for you, there are so many more things I could list. Sometimes I feel like everyone would be better off if I just packed up and left. I'm so sick of feeling like this, but I don't know how to get it to stop. This is probably one of the scariest things I've ever done, but I've had already almost lost you Ingrid. I can't let them win by actually losing you. I love you so fucking much, I can't lose you Ingrid, I can't."

Tears were near pouring out of you both as Ingrid sat there for a second. When you didn't speak she must have decided you were finished talking because the next second arms wrapped around you so tightly and you completely broke. Ingrid held you tight until the sobs turned to sniffles then you feel silent. Ingrid's hold never completely let go, it was like a life line at this point. 

"I love you Y/n. I loved you before and I still love you just as much now. I'm not going anywhere. Nothing your parents or ex said is true. I always want to know how and what you're feeling, I will always be here for you. No matter what your mind tells you, you are never too much for me or for the team or anyone who truly loves you. Our lives are so much better with you here so please don't even think about leaving because we will miss you. I will be here every step of the way while you figure things out, I will help you get the help you need. If you need space, I'll give you that, but if you need me here then I will always be here. I know you feel like you need to be giving me all of yourself, all of your energy, but you don't. Even if you can just give me 1% until you get over this bump in the road then that's enough for me. You are enough for me Y/n."

"I think there will be times when I need to be alone, but most of the time I just really want to be with you. I need to work on accepting that I deserve your love and comfort so I actually seek it out when I need it or want it. Some reassurance every now and then will help I think. Can we talk about the next steps tomorrow? I just want you to hold me right now."

"I will give you all the reassurance you need and more. Have you eaten today?" Ingrid asked, but the look in her eyes told you she knew the answer so you just shook your head. "Okay, I'm going to order some food while we cuddle here then we can go to bed."

True to her word, Ingrid held you tightly while you lay on the couch, staying close to your side during dinner and as you got ready for bed. "Thank you, for everything you've done, for being here, for loving me."

Ingrid kissed you softly, before pulling away and leaving soft kisses over your face, "Always."

Lying in bed later that night, head resting against Ingrid's chest, you decided to admit the one thing that kept swirling around your mind, "I think I need to take a break from football. Not the training, I think that helps me, but games. The pressure that comes from each game feels like weight being added. Makes me feel like I'm being dragged further down into this hole."

"Okay, if that's what you feel you need then we can talk to the coaches or Ale and she can sort it out. I know the thought of telling anyone else what is going on is scary, but Ale or anyone else on the team aren't going to judge you or think any less of you because of it."

"I think maybe we can talk to Alexia, not tell her everything, but the jist of it."

"I'll be by your side when you're ready." ---

It had been a few weeks since the talk with Ingrid and since you made the decision to stop playing in games for a while. The only person who knew why was Alexia, it was clear that everyone else was worried, but until now you hadn't felt ready to tell them and thankfully they didn't push. 

There was still a long way to go, but things had been slowly getting better over the last few weeks. You had started seeing the team therapist multiple times a week and had restarted medication for the time being at least. Everything was starting to become clearer, you weren't as anxious all the time, you were becoming more willing to talk to Ingrid, to actually spend time with her without worrying about not being enough, and smiles and laughs were becoming more genuine when they did happened. 

The team had been amazing despite not knowing what was going on, they were as supportive and loving as ever. So you decided it was time to let them in a little bit. You squeezed Ingrid's hand, getting her attention as you spoke quietly, "Can you get their attention please? I know they're worried about me and I think I'm ready to tell them."

"Hey! Can we have your attention for a minute."

Once everyone's attention was on you, the anxiousness started to creep in, but with Ingrid's hand still firmly holding yours, you took a deep breath and spoke, "I know you've all be wondering why I've effectively benched my self the last couple of weeks and I want to be honest about it. I've uh I've been um struggling a lot mentally at the moment and I decided I needed a break. The pressure was too much, I couldn't handle it on top of everything else. So uh yeah, I don't want you guys to keep worrying about me."

It was quiet for a few seconds before many arms wrapped themselves around you, mumbled we love you's and we're proud of you's were heard as you sunk into the arms of your teammates. Surprisingly, Mapi was the first to pull away, cupping your cheeks as she spoke uncharacteristically softly, "You keep doing what you're doing and come back to us when you're ready. You always have is in your corner Y/n. We are so proud of you and we love you. If there's anything you ever need you can come to us okay?"

"Thank you Mapi. Thanks all of you." --- A few months had passed and you were finally feeling like yourself again. There were still hard days, you were pretty sure there always would be, but you were genuinely happy again most of the time. You found yourself more willing to open up to not just Ingrid, but some of the other girls you were closest to. It was safe to say your life was pretty well back on track, there was just one thing left to do and that was get back to football. You hadn't told anyone of your plans to start playing games again, you had just been put in the line up as a sub, but after conversations with the coaching staff you knew you were likely to come in at half time. 

When the line up came out, Alexia was the first to notice and speak up effectively getting everyone else's attention, "Y/n?"

"Yes Ale?"

"Is there anything you want to tell us?"

Ingrid looked at you confused as you shrugged trying to be as innocent as possible while knowing exactly what she was talking about. "Oh really? Well how about the small fact that your name is on the substitute list again?"

"Oh yeah. That is a thing I guess."

Smiles grew on everyone's faces as it clicked what was happening. Ingrid practically jumped on you repeating over and over how proud she was, kisses placed over your faces. The team joined not long after, everyone cheered and congratulated you. 

"Okay okay, you can let go of me now. Yes I finally feel ready to come back."

Once everyone had let you go, Alexia pulled you up into a hug. Since she found out about your struggles, Alexia had been amazing. She was always subtly checking in whether you were at training or not, she would pull you away when everything got too overwhelming and Ingrid was busy, making some excuse so know one else would know the truth. Alexia was always just there in a way that was subtle and comforting. "Well we're so so glad you're back. I'm so proud of you Y/n."

"Thank you Ale, for everything."

As soon as your foot hit the pitch, you felt the excitement, adrenaline and happiness that you thought may have been gone for good. You felt yourself falling in love with football all over again, it was like the final weight had fallen from your shoulders. There would always be bad days or even bad weeks, you knew that, but with Ingrid, your family and your new found coping mechanisms, you finally felt ready to face them. 

---

You arms wrapped around Ingrid as she chopped the vegetables, she briefly turned to kiss your cheek before going back to her task. "Hi Elskling, you played really well today. How did it feel?"

"Hey love. It felt incredible, I know I needed a break, but man did I miss it. Anyway, enough about me I have a surprise for you. I was originally going to give it to you after dinner, but I can't wait anymore. Here." You replied, placing an envelope on the counter in front of her. You could never express how thankful you were for everything Ingrid had done for you over the last few months, for sticking by your side through everything. So instead you had decided to start with a few days away in Venice. It was something she had wanted to do for a while and you decided to make it happen.

 Ingrid looked at you for a second before opening the envelope, a smile appearing as she looked at the tickets inside. "What's this?" 

"I know what you're going to say to this, but I am so thankful for everything you've done for me. Sure we've spent a lot of time together, but it hasn't been the quality, good time you deserve. So you and I are going to spend a few days alone in Venice in a couple of weeks when we have a bit of time off. Now I don't want to hear any buts or I didn't have to do this, just say you're excited and give me a kiss."

Ingrid cupped your cheeks, allowing you to press her against the counter as she pulled you in for a lingering kiss. Just as Ingrid went to pull away, you cupped the back of her neck pulling her back in as the kiss grew heated. You didn't want to say that you stopped enjoying Ingrid's kisses because that's impossible, it was just intimacy beyond cuddling between the two of you had dropped off to almost nothing the last few months. There were still short kisses here and there, but you couldn't get out of your head long enough to actually be present for anything more and that wasn't fair to Ingrid. Your lips moved along her jaw as a quite moan slipped past Ingrid's lips.

"Di-dinner," Ingrid moaned as your hand slipped under her shirt. 

Ingrid's legs wrapped around your waist as you walked back to the bedroom, "Dinner can wait."

[kaidatheghostdragon]

"You must be Ra's," Tucker stated, careful to keep on a poker face while he frantically assessed the situation - tied down to a chair, in what was probably the heart of this particular fruitloop's lair.

And there was a frankly disturbing number of similarities to the OG fruitloop: the way he stood, the style of his hair, the perpetual sneer.

The way he sent a shiver down Tucker's spine like Vlad used to be able to way back when he was still intimidating.

"Gotta say," Tucker continued, shoving his emotions down like only a human-born liminal that dealt with empathic rogues on the daily could ever manage, "not that impressed. For starters, your vibes are rancid, dude. Like, what do you do, bathe in corruption all day?"

That earned him a slap on the face, "You will speak when spoken to," Ra's ordered.

Tucker witheld a smirk. This guy seemed like the type to order subordinates around to do absolutely everything. The fact that he personally slapped Tucker with his own hand? It could only mean that Tucker was already under the guy's skin.

"Well, that just means I can keep talking since you just spoke to me," Tucker retorted, unafraid of another slap. Really, compared to the abuse he put himself through helping Danny, and the way his liminality skyrocketed in the last couple of years, it was barely even a love-tap. It didn't even sting.

Ra's raised a brow, giving the distinct impression that he was absolutely livid, though that may have been the liminal empathy cluing Tucker in. He'd never been great at reading emotions until that particular ability developed.

"Who do you work for?" Ra's began the interrogation.

Tucker returned with his best affronted glare, "Frankly, I'm offended that you don't believe I could do all this entirely on my own."

"Kill him," Ra's stated as he turned to leave, sounding so unimpressed that it almost seemed bored.

Out of the shadows, an arrow flew straight at Tucker, who slipped his restraints (thank you liminality for giving him limited ghost powers) and caught the arrow before it pierced his chest, "Yeah, no. Imma veto that."

Ra's turned back around, looking almost impressed.

It made Tucker feel way slimier than Vlad could ever hope to achieve. He repressed a shudder. After all, his job here was to keep Ra's distracted while the others invisibly raided the place, destroyed the pits, and planted explosives.

Tucker, being the technopath, would normally stay behind in the chair, but the League of Assassins was well defended against cyber attacks, forcing them to pivot somewhat in order to successfully infiltrate the place. He ended up creating a digital duplicate of himself (a literal duplicate, like Danny could do, but Tucker's duplicate could only ever exist inside of a computer, by all appearances a true AI) that the others could upload to the servers once they found them.

Beyond that, there wasn't much Tucker could do beyond providing a distraction. Sure, the LoA's technology was absolutely worth drooling over, but they didn't rely on it like most of the modern world did. There was no internet connection, electronic locks, or surveillance for Tucker to hack into and make his own. This place was all stone doors and medieval fortifications.

"Impressive," Ra's complimented after a moment of silent appraisal, "perhaps you are worthy of my attention after all."

Tucker scoffed, getting the clear impression that this guy fully expected the ground he walked on to be worshipped after admitting such small praise, "You're not the first megalomaniac I've had to deal with, and you won't be the last." (Team Phantom had an entire list of fruitloops to work through once their LoA financial backing was removed, after all) "I'll give you props for the sweet ninja cult you got going on, though. Gotta say, that's a first for me."

"Assassins," Ra's corrected.

"Same diff," Tucker retorted with a handwave, knowing full well that a guy like Ra's would be miffed by such a dismissal. He further feigned disinterest by examining the arrow he was still holding. Tucker had taken a few archery lessons when he was younger and picked it back up by training a bit under Princess Dora's royal guard. He was... decent, with a bow. He could reliably hit his target as long as he had a couple of seconds to aim - or used something laced in technology that allowed his technopathy to steady it.

The arrow was expertly crafted and perfectly balanced. His heightened liminal senses smelled a substance on the arrowhead - probably a paralytic, not that it would have kept Tucker down for very long, even if it had breached his heart, which would have been a quick death for any baseline human. He tossed it from hand to hand a few times, feeling the weight, the threw it like a dart into one of the nearest shadows. A soft thud echoed through the room when the arrowhead bonked the chestplate of the assassin standing there, then a clatter when it fell to the ground.

"If I had a bow, he'd be dead," Tucker needlessly commented, thumb pointing to the hidden guard. He was somewhat surprised the dude didn't catch the arrow like Tucker had. But then again, if the shadows were meant to fully conceal him, catching the arrow would have given him away from the arrow not making noise or falling to the ground.

"You knew he was there," Ra's stated more than asked.

"And the eleven others," Tucker easily replied, "A full dozen to guard the King of the Cult. Not that it'll make any difference. I've already won."

Tucker didn't have any misconcieved notion that his liminality would give him an edge over a dozen trained assassins. It doesn't really matter how good your senses are or how fast your reflexes when you have to dodge a dozen attacks simultaneously. But what he could do was turn intangible during those first few seconds of adrenaline-fueled panic, more than long enough for either of the Phantoms, neither of which were currently more than a few hundred yards distant, to reach him and drag him away from immediate danger.

So Tucker latched onto that confidence borne of complete trust in his team, and radiated it as much as he could, daring Ra's to call his bluff with nothing more than a knowing smirk.

[fadelbison]

Of Boats and Drama; The Turning Tides on Kant and Bison's Compatibility

obsessed with how when its during their make believe phase, when fadel says "I think I love you" to Style, Style doesn't say it back and instead just kisses him at the end of ep. 6 and during the kantbison parallel at the start of ep7 when Bison says "I love you" to Kant, Kant says "I love you" back but clearly there's baggage even if he's not lying outright.

But after the brothers kidnap their respective lovers its Style that fronts with the I love you that perplexes Fadel

and its bison that wants to hear it

but Kant jumps into the ocean instead (like you can see the beach front okay Bison is clearly devoid of killing intent here) instead of lying to him or say the same things he's been saying to dupe him.

I really think this is where the Kant and Bison compatibility is finally starting to show. Bison clearly loves his little fantasies and make belief of romance (just like style dear fucking god). I've joked before about how bison has given to his brother the lover he had envisioned for himself - the one who will plead his love, cajole and give in.

But that guy is wrong for him.

We've seen that slightly off dynamic between Kant and Bison for 6 whole episodes. And it's killed me that people kept trying to interpret them with the same rose tinted glasses that we do for Fadel and Style. Because the FadelStyle and KantBison relationship parallels aren't meant to highlight the similarities between the couples but rather the differences, that's where the information about these characters come from.

The audience knows something that Kant doesn't in the boat scene; which is that he has this in the bag already. I think this is the infamous island Bison inherited from his dad and he's brought him here to literally just talk. I know I mentioned this already but bison literally looks like he just untied the boat from shore and let it drift on its own while waiting for Kant to wake up.

Like that has got to be the minimum legal distance that a boat needs to be from shore to be considered unmoored lol. This is 'I am using your vulnerabilities against you because love is pain' shore distance not 'dead body dumping' shore distance. The body will wash up on shore before the boat even makes it back.

But for Bison, Fadel's reasonable precautions while we talk approach was not enough. He needed the ropes, the guns, the added ocean trauma because the guns didn't feel enough to instill fear, the pretty necklace he put on just so he could rip it off his throat, everything is already high drama high fantasy for him. Bison set the stage for desperate begging and tearful confessions, things he already got at the hospital btw but that wasn't enough either.

Because.

Bison doesn't need to be sold on fantasies. He had that and it sucked for everyone involved, what he needs when he's totally out of control like this is this guy:

[screenshots of Kant telling bison he wants to talk on land and he's scared of the ocean]

For six whole episodes I saw Kant be wrong for Bison and not be able to pinpoint exactly why people cawing over how cute KantBison are bothered me so much. Until, of course, Kant finally does something right and all of a sudden it just all clicks together. Bison is boisterous, headstrong and because of his unique skillset also irresponsibly dangerous. The BDSM scene also shows that despite his best intentions, Bison can and will abuse power if given to him irresponsibly.

He doesn't need the Kant that plays along with everything he does. He needs the Kant that Kant is to everyone but him. The person that Kant is when they're together is barely even Kant. He needs the calm, level headed but fiercely devoted older brother, he needs the guy that helps a hookup out because that's his duty as a human being, he needs the guy that stole cars to keep his family fed. And I'll be really honest, that's the guy that Bison loves anyway, the one he hears about from Babe and Style and James.

What Bison needs is the quiet devotion of Kant choosing his own personal hell over playing this game and furthering any deception between them even though technically it wouldn't even be a lie (Bison is literally poised to believe him); the dogged resolve that once he's decided to do this on his own terms, it happens on his own terms.

[tteokdoroki]

hi my beloved angel could i pls request shinsou + ❛ you keep your hands where they are or i'll tie them up. ❜ :33

☆༉ — HITOSHI SHINSOU: 0-800-HOT GUY-HOTLINE.

line. ❛ you keep your hands where they are or i'll tie them up. ❜

extension. edging kink + fem!reader + nsfw.

things to note. for you my baby!! i hope u like heeem n that i characterised him well!!

it’s not your fault, really. 

usually you’re so obedient and good when it comes to hitoshi — he takes care of your needs as long as you behave and listen to him. with him, you cum as many times as you want, cry as loud as you want and your boyfriend will always make sure that you’re satisfied by the end. you’re spoiled in a sense. but today, shinsou seems keen on undoing that narrative. 

you’ve lost count of how many hours he’s been going at this, fucking just the tip of his girth into you at a painstakingly slow rate — you’ve tried everything, throwing it back on him, your usual whining, even grovelling, but the hero won’t budge. each time, he runs a hand down your spine affectionately and cherishes the way that your whole body shivers at the contact — only whispering a short.

“be patient, angel,” he says in that low, commanding voice of his. “don’t you wanna be good for me?” 

and of course you do, you love hitoshi so much and he treats you so well. it’d only be right for you to trust him, let him abuse your runny little hole with the the fat, achingly hot tip of his dick until he’s the one that’s satisfied. he pushes his hips forward, only just, breaching your gushing walls with hardly any resistance because you’re so wet from being teased but being spoiled all the time breeds bad habits and keeping you on the very edge of cumming like this. 

secretively, you slip one of your hands between your salt-slicked body and the bed sheets hitoshi has you bent over, brushing over your rock hard nipples and the sensitive spots along your pelvis before you’re able to reach your puffy pussy. it’s hard to keep quiet when you’re finally able to graze your the poor, unattended nub tucked between your slick folds — drawing lazy shapes over it just like hitoshi would do for you. you attempt to choke down a delicate whimper, stuffing your teary face into the cotton to muffle the louder sounds that start to escape you. 

“you sound so needy,” hitoshi breathes, placing a large hand on the small of your back to deepen your arch from behind. he rewards you, for sounding so pretty, he really can’t help it either — giving into his habit as he fucks you halfway down to his twitching length, his arousal bleeding rip nestled just inches shy from your gummy g-spot. “being so good ‘n patient, angel. love it when you’re like this. all pliant and desperate for some cock.” 

you wail in reply, writhing and wriggling for more — only to be forced into pleasuring yourself, pinching and rubbing at your clit in tune with shinsou’s shallow thrusts past your rippling entrance. he soothes you, rubbing circles into your hip dips as he whispers little praises like “just a little longer. “you’re doing so well for me sweetheart.” “i can’t wait until i get to fill you up.” 

that is until he feels your sly little hand brush against this muscular inner thigh, while you attempt to get yourself off. one moment, you’re on the verge of finally hitting release, the next, all of that mounting and heavenly pleasure is ripped away from you by hitoshi’s discovery.

“toshi!” you snivel desperately, trying to appeal to his gentler side when he pulls out of you completely — exposing your hot cunt to cool air as you pulse around nothing. “p-please, please ‘m sorry!” 

he sucks his teeth, three fingers coming down harsh on your sopping mound which causes you to jolt forward on the bed in suprise. “oh, I don’t think you are.”  he seethes cruelly, throwing his weight over your trembling body while he licks a wet trail up and behind your ear. “if you were, you wouldn’t be trying to fuck yourself while i’m spoiling you with my cock.” 

okay, so maybe it is your fault. 

shaking your head, you try to wriggle away — your hips running from the sudden and relentless pressure shinsou applies to your greedy clit from behind. “i p-promise! i am, ‘m so sorry. hnngh, ‘toshi ‘m gonna cum! t-too fast!” 

“don’t care.” the purple haired hero grunts, only speeding up. “you wanted to cum so bad? instead of being a good girl and waiting for me?” nipping at your earlobe, shinsou chuckles coyly and smacks a hand down on your pussy again. “now you’re complaining about it being too fast? well too fucking bad. you get what you give, angel.” 

shinsou’s threat should scare you, but it only serves to turn you on even more — clear streams of your arousal painting his thick fingers against your heat like a sugar glaze. 

“d-do it, i dare you.” you manage to bleat out, challenging him. 

the laugh your boyfriend lets out is both cold and amused, overlapped by the squelch of your princess cunt as he replaces what used to be his heavy cock with his fingers inside of you. curling them straight away. 

“challenge accepted, sweetheart.” shinsou grins, pumping in and out of you so fast you hardly realise that you’ve hit your first orgasm until it’s too late — squirting about the place and soaking the sheets. “but this time, you keep your hands where they are or i'll tie them up.”

꒰ end. — all rights reserved © tteokdoroki 2023. do not copy, repost, translate & recommend elsewhere.

[bubblebbg]

would you be able to do a Miguel x f!reader where the reader is a civilian who's the sunshine to his grumpy? She's pretty much the definition of the quote "the violence it took to be this kind". She had an abusive childhood, and unfortunately she's currently up in an abusive relationship, she tries really hard to hide her pain with warmth and laughter, hiding her bruises with long sleeves in the summer and concealer.

This is my first request, I'm so happy! I wasn't really comfortable writing the physical abuse part (I don't want to misrepresent this issue) , so I've made it to where the reader is in an unhappy relationship instead. I hope this is along the lines of what you wanted. :)

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞.

Miguel O'Hara x reader

To him, you're one of those people that deserves better, deserves the best. Today especially, that's what you should be getting. If Miguel could, he'd hand you worlds on a silver platter. But he can't. Not with your boyfriend around to stop him.

Part 2

"Your boyfriend is the biggest asshole I've ever met. Come on, you have to know this by now." Miguel has pulled you to the balcony of your apartment and away from the music and festivities, his jaw clenched with anger as he seethes. He's never liked your boyfriend; there's you, the sweet, kind woman who's always considerate, endlessly patient, practically saintly in nature. And then there's your boyfriend, some scum of the earth who's only ever been callous and cold during your interactions. Miguel has tried and tried and tried to keep his mouth shut about it, but the way your smile faltered as you explained that he couldn't take off work to be at your birthday party is his last straw. "Seriously, today of all day's he has to work? Say the word and I'm sending that douchebag flying through a wall-"

"Miguel, stop it. It's fine, he's just a busy guy you know? And I'm sure you throw enough people around already." You chuckle, but the sadness doesn't quite leave your eyes. You sip some of the champagne in your glass, sighing as you let the alcohol numb some of your senses. Looking out at the cityscape, arms folded on the railing. He really wishes you knew how much you deserve, and the selfish part of him wants to be the one to give that to you.

When you catch him staring at you, at the way the lights of the city glow on your face, he turns forward, sighing and running a hand through his hair. "I just don't get it is all. You could have anyone you wanted, why him? Hell, you're better off alone than with him. If I could make the decisions for you, he would've been gone a long time ago."

You step closer to him and rest your head on his shoulder, eyes closed and the champagne drained from your glass. "I know you're concerned about me, but in the end these decisions are mine to make. I'll talk to him after the party. Until then, how's everything at work? Still got a lot on your hands?"

A smile plays at his lips, feeling a bit warm from the touch. "Hey, don't go changing the subject on me. We need to talk about this."

"You change the subject on me all of the time! Humor me on my birthday, please." He rolls his eyes because he can't believe that you'd play the birthday card on him, but he also knows he can never say no to you. Not with the way you look at him. So he puts an arm around your shoulders and lets a breath out his nose.

"Still stressful, but not so bad. I guess your whole 'have meetings to help people with their mission strategy instead of just yelling at them' plan has been working." You laugh at that, eyes crinkling as you lean more into him. You look good like this, the cheery person you usually are, not the one being let down by their partner. "See? And how hard was that? If I had spider powers like you, I'd be the ultimate diplomatic leader and badass." He can't stop the laughter that bubbles up in his chest when you punch and kick the air to emphasize your badassery.

"Your form is terrible," he smirks, "You'd be dead in seconds."

"And if it weren't for me, every spider ever would have quit because of your nagging."

"Right, right, whatever makes you feel better, civilian."

This is how it's supposed to be, the way it was before you decided to date this guy. It was always you and Miguel before: him carrying all of your grocery bags as you raved about some new hobby, you and him on the roof of your apartment building, him pointing out flaws in a movie at the theater while you ate all the popcorn, him begrudgingly pushing you on a park swing despite his assertations that you were in fact too old to still do this. It hits him all at once. He's missed you. Your absence leaves gaps in his life that no one else can fill.

"Hey," he mumbles, "I know you said you didn't want any gifts, but I got you something. Happy birthday."

Your eyes widen as he timidly hands you a rectangular box, his gaze turned to the city and a light blush on his face. He watches through the corner of his eyes as you open it. Inside is a silver necklace with a lily-of-the-valley preserved in resin, the flower you told him about that grew around your childhood home. Your palm comes to cover your mouth and tears well up in your eyes at the considerate nature of his gift. (That's Miguel, always remembering the details of things you say. When was the last time your boyfriend did that again?) Miguel turns to face you with an anxious expression. "Do you not like it? I left the receipt in there, you can return it and use the money on-"

"No, no, no, it's beautiful," you smile, turning and lifting the hair from your neck, "Could you please put it on me?"

He sighs in relief, taking the necklace and clasping it gently around your neck. As soon as he's done you jump into his arms with a delighted giggle, beaming with joy. He lets himself hug you back for a few more seconds before setting you down. Seeing you like this has his heart racing as he's filled with the courage to say it, to tell you what you mean to him. He opens his mouth to speak and -

Someone shouts through the sliding doors of the balcony, "Hey, where have you been? Get inside, your boyfriend just got here!"

And just like that, the courage is gone, his mouth closing to a slight frown. As he's preparing to go back in and stomach the sight of you with that man, he sees you climbing the steps of the fire escape and stops at the door.

"What are you doing?"

You stop, turning to look at him with the breeze at your back and the moon shining on you. You offer your hand to him.

"Come on, let's go. We can sit on the rooftop like we used to."

He pauses, taking a look at the party inside. Then he takes your hand and you're leading him up like you used to, and everything that was out of place in him shifts back to fit. He smiles at how small and smooth your hand is in his larger, rough one. Yeah, he thinks.

This is how it's meant to be.

[rootspiral]

Agatha All Along deep dive: episode 4 part 4

(Wandavision entries: [1][2][3])

(AAA entries: ep1 [1][2][3][4] ep2 [1][2][3][4] ep3 [1][2][3] ep4 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][+1] ep5 [1][2][3][4][5] ep6 [1][2][3] ep7 [1][2][3][4][5][6] ep8 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][8][9] ep9 [1][2][3][4][5][6])

agatha once again protecting billy with her whole body.

"I didn't think it was real! I thought it was me, that it's my fault that I can't keep a job, that everything I touch turns to shit! That I couldn't save her!"

The poison drips through (yes I love Succession). Generational curse, generational trauma. The pain of who knows how many centuries of parents and grandparents and great-grandparents times a thousand. It's like a boulder that you're carrying around on your shoulders, and you can't see it and you can't put a name to it, how could you? How can you possibly know why your mother drank herself stupid, why your grandmother abused her children? You were born yesterday and drank all that poison without knowing what it was, you let it take it over and you walk around spreading it to the world.

And amidst all the pain, alice only ever chose to blame and hurt herself and she was always gentle to others. her biggest regret is not having been able to save her mom! you know why alice never turned into a villain like agatha? because her mom loved her. as simple and as that. lorna was so ill-equipped to save alice, she didn't know what she was up against, she was in a world of pain herself. and she went above and beyond to show her child how infinitely precious and loved she was.

oh wow, I usually say I'm crying as a figure of speech, but I am crying for real thinking about this.

lilia who has lived so long and experienced her big share of suffering, knowing all too well what alice is going through. there's so much compassion in her voice

jen stubbornly refusing to care about anything but her own pain, which is actually a very human way to respond to trauma? it's like she's at a crossroads and it's up to her to choose whether she goes back to being the force of good she used to be, or whether she goes down agatha's same path. I say it's up to her because it ultimately is, but she was so lucky finding this coven and community at such a crucial moment. agatha didn't have any of it.

no! don't apologize, you beautiful, generous soul! the sense of guilt and inferiority complex is real

agatha's face when billy is attacked

she starts running toward him even before alice

but when she gets there she freezes and lets alice go check on him

when she sees he's fine, she sighs and collapses against the door, clutching her chest.

lilia is really starting to get attached to everyone, and throughout her life love and loss have always been inherently linked. she already knows she's going to lose them.

okay jen refusing to leave the circle is still funny, I'll give her that

through all this rio has been watching and studying agatha, she always does. she knows that her diabolically smart wife loves to be in charge and come up with plans. she's being encouraging!

look at how small alice is! she's been helping and consoling billy just a moment ago, despite being miserable herself.

first of all, that's hilarious, so jot that down. second of all, you know agatha is so relieved she has to put on a show instead of doing something icky like, idk, sitting in a circle and talking about their feelings. and look at rio at the drums, she's already put all the clues together as well

oooh, she's doing the thing! she's detectiving! agatha harkness ladies and gentlemen, her hobbies are women, murder and puzzles.

and who gives her the solution? who has had millennia to study and commiserate human love and grief? she says it and she looks at agatha so pointedly.

The song that's so irrevocably linked to Nicky's memory, the song that she's been desecrating and using as a means to kill. A mother took it and poured all her love into it and made it pure again. Agatha has to live with that now, and you know that's going to take root inside her and affect her no matter what

this whole performance is patti going I might be singing backup again but watch me be a total diva about it

I LOVE YOU PATTI LUPONE

you'd think that alice should sing lead vocals here, seeing as it's her trial and her mom's song and all. WELL THINK AGAIN

the massive ego agatha has, honestly. you gotta respect that.

the feeling when you are the only normal person in a group of total hooligans. did I already say how gorgeous sasheer looks in that outfit? no I didn't. you are an apparition, sasheer.

but I want the song to have its own separate entry so hold on tight, brb

go to episode 4 part 5

[michanvalentine]

This post is going to be a bit heavy and boring. I'll talk about Astarion, but also about real life, so if you're not interested, scroll away without hesitation!

So, lately, I've been pretty pissed off. I feel like I'm being made fun of by certain comments I see around regarding Astarion's redemption arc—how I supposedly have some kind of "Florence Nightingale syndrome" that makes me want to "fix" him with the power of my love (a syndrome that, in real life, would obviously put my own life at risk) and how I’m supposedly willing to justify anything he does just because he's traumatized. Seriously? So I must be some kind of idiot, a lovestruck teenager who knows nothing about how the world works, who's never stepped outside her house, who's never had a healthy relationship, and so on. And that pisses me off. Because maybe, just maybe, I know something more, not less.

And that’s exactly why I read between the lines, why I don’t judge instantly, and why I don’t delude myself into believing in the power of love as some kind of absolute force that magically fixes everything just because. Maybe the love we're talking about here has nothing to do with romanticizing (butterflies in the stomach, kisses and cuddles, "I’m the only one for him, and for me he’ll do this or that") a horrific situation—one where a man has been mentally and physically broken, one that comes with a whole range of possible unhealthy behaviors that could be dangerous to himself and others.

Maybe we’re talking about something more real, about lived experiences, about how people can support and help each other crawl out of the darkness. About how love simply means being there, without necessarily doing anything. In both good times and bad, because healing isn’t a straight line. There are ups and downs. Love means being aware of the struggles and working hard on them, it means listening, accepting, waiting, being patient. It means pushing back when necessary, confronting the person you love, and stopping them from hurting themselves. It also means giving up, running away, screaming at the sky, and then coming back more determined than before—even knowing you might have to start the process all over again.

Are the people who love this hard just idiots who think they can "fix" their loved ones with the power of love? And what if it were your child? Fuck no, I won’t accept that! That’s a message that cannot and must not spread, not when there are people out there fighting this battle every single day.

Sure, there are plenty of lost causes in this world, and yes, real danger exists. But the key is being able to recognize them. No one wants to be a martyr, but there will always be someone worth fighting for. Because yes, loving someone who struggles—with depression, personality disorders, eating disorders, anxiety, PTSD, etc.—is a fight. But that doesn’t mean they don’t deserve love.

And Spawn Astarion is not a lost cause. He comes from a background of every kind of abuse imaginable. He’s an asshole because he has to be (and he’s also a fucking vampire!), but then—something changes. Possibilities open up before him. And immediately, he shows he can adapt, that he can learn, that he wants to change.

And when that internal drive is there (that inner force of the individual himself, which makes all the difference in the world), you can’t and shouldn’t ignore it—even in real life.

It’s not about "fixing" someone. It’s about helping them feel better, about helping them achieve their goals (yes, their goals—even when they can’t quite articulate them), about changing in a healthier way, about healing. Because Spawn Astarion wants to live more than anything else. And he wants to do so fully, not as a broken man.

That’s why he approves when Tav/Durge tells him he just needs to find a place for himself, that he can find so many people willing to care for him if only he is willing to care for them. That’s why he approves when Tav/Durge reminds him—despite his fear, despite the intoxicating scent of blood—that maybe, just maybe, ascension isn’t what he truly wants. He approves. There’s no room for misinterpretation here—this is as sincere as it gets.

And in both cases, these situations are directly opposed to his obsession with taking Cazador’s place.

But, going back to the point—thinking that the power of love can magically fix everything is stupid. But we also cannot allow the message to spread that, in real life, a person who struggles due to trauma (and hell, it doesn’t even have to be torture in a dark dungeon—it could be something as "simple" as a profound loss) is incapable of healing or being loved, despite the difficulties. It’s not easy, but there are men and women in this world with immense strength and hearts big enough to do this and more.

If this isn't for you, fine. No one is forcing you. But make room for these heroes instead of spouting nonsense.

Now, fortunately, BG3 is a fantasy game where you can do literally anything, freely, even recklessly, without any real risk. And that’s fine—let’s have fun experimenting, living out our fantasies, being heroes (after all, we’re not actually picking up swords and charging into hordes of pissed-off goblins), becoming ultimate villains, bringing the world to its knees, killing anyone who gets in our way.

But when we bring real life into the discussion to make a point or compare it to the game, let’s do so with a little more thought and tact. Kindness is a virtue, not a flaw.

And to end on a lighter note—hell no, I don’t approve of everything Astarion says or does! I try to understand him, to grasp the many whys behind his actions, but if I had him in front of me, I’d straight-up say, "Oi, what the fuck are you doing?! Asshole!" I’d argue with him, I’d get mad at him—just like I did in my playthroughs.

And for the record, I never had to step off my heroic path to gain his approval. I simply disagreed with him when I felt it was right and treated him kindly when he needed it.

Honestly, earning his approval in this game is the easiest thing in the world—let him drink your blood, trust him (defend him from the other companions’ suspicions), let him decide how to handle his diet (which, honestly, is a fair compromise), tell the devil to go to hell (xP), and do something ridiculously stupid like giving him the necromancy book, interrupting the two ogres having sex, licking a goblin’s boots, and getting whipped a little—voilà! Suddenly, you have Astarion in your arms, and you haven’t even had time to save the druid grove yet.

In my very first playthrough, with my super-good Selûne cleric who was always helping the needy, I was actually trying to romance Shadowheart—when I somehow found myself magically in a relationship with Astarion just because I told him, "I care about you" (the same reason I didn’t let him bite the pervy drow). Lol.

Ok, I'll try not to make any more heavy posts like this. I feel a bit like a broken record, singing the same song over and over—sorry about that. And of course, have a great day, everyone! <3

[traumasurvivors]

I wrote a blog post about how harmful it can be to have your emotions invalidated growing up. It's here if you want to check it out! I'll paste the text below the read more for people who don't like links, but if you're comfortable, I really appreciate getting hits on my site! It feels really validating after all the work I've put into it. I've opted to not have any ads or anything to monetize my site, so it isn't like those annoying clickbait articles.

The effects of having our emotions invalidated while we’re growing up isn’t talked about enough and it can have lasting effects. This can happen when people say things like “you don’t know real struggles” when a younger person is upset about something they’re struggling with. This might include being told “I’ll give you something to cry about” which implied that the reason you were crying then “wasn’t a big enough reason”. Other people may have had to deal with “worse” problems and so we were told to be thankful for what we had because of what other children experienced. Your feelings of sadness, frustration, disappointment or anger were still real and valid. And you were allowed those feelings.

You may have been told to “stop being so sensitive,” which taught that you weren’t tough enough. You may have also been told “it builds character” which may have made you feel that you had to find a positive lesson in every bad thing you experienced. This can also be part of how people invalidate the seriousness of abuse, and other things that happened to you that were someone else’s fault. If someone doesn’t want to take responsibility, they may minimize what happened to you. They may say it’s okay because “they didn’t mean to do it” or “they don’t know any better,” perhaps because of abuse they went through. Your feelings may be invalidated because someone wants you to “let it go.” How serious they feel it was, or the reasons it happened, are not reasons that your feelings should be ignored or disregarded. Your feelings are valid. You should never have to “let it go.” 

These things that we were told, and many more, taught us that our emotions were bad and wrong. It likely felt invalidating. It may have been damaging And it probably affects how we see the emotions of others. I’ve had people say similar things to me now that I’m an adult, and I think it’s likely they do it because they were told things like these when they were younger, too. Over time, this has led to me invalidating my own feelings. I’ve told myself I should be strong and to avoid such feelings, or that the reasons for them weren’t “big enough”. I told myself that others had it worse than me, therefore I wasn’t allowed to be upset. None of these things helped me. Instead, they actually made me worse off. I bottled stuff up and then began using unhealthy coping methods to deal with the emotions. Having our emotions invalidated as we grow up can be traumatizing in its own way. It also doesn’t teach us how to effectively deal with and process our negative emotions. This can lead to people having fits of uncontrollable rage, spirals of depression and guilt, substance abuse to avoid feelings, and any number of other unhealthy reactions that can cause us more harm and prolong everything or make it worse.

Being unable to cope with my feelings was a big part of me not being able to cope with conflict in my relationships. Downplaying any “bad” thing that happened and ignoring it meant, for instance, I wouldn’t point out and deal with a small (sometimes completely unintentional) mistake. Instead, I let my feelings build without communicating about them and let my resentment build. By the time I acknowledged and spoke about my feelings, the problem was a thousand times worse than it would have been if I had dealt with it quickly. And sometimes it was too late to fix the damage done.

It’s not too late to learn and do better. You don’t have to be thankful it wasn’t “worse”. You don’t have to find a silver lining. While it’s important not to get stuck in our feelings long-term, sitting with them and feeling them and acknowledging you aren’t okay is okay! It’s okay to think something sucks or that it wasn’t fair. It’s okay to feel frustrated or sad over “small” things. Sometimes we don’t even understand why a situation or something has left us having such big feelings, and that’s okay, too! Your feelings are real and valid, even if they don’t make sense to you. And you deserve patience and compassion. Especially from yourself.

When you have negative feelings, if you find yourself minimizing them, or telling yourself why you don’t have a right to feel them, stop and try to be aware of what you’re doing. And allow yourself to feel it if you can. I've often had to remind myself that while it is uncomfortable, I can be uncomfortable and sit with my feelings. Think about if there’s a healthy response you can have to those feelings. For instance, if someone said something hurtful to you, talking to them about it might be a lot more productive than acting like you don’t care. Your feelings are valid. And invalidating them yourself is unlikely to be good for you.

Try to remember that, and try to be kind to yourself.