#I feel like so much is going to happen!!
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duude
#have this for now..i actually wanted to post my 'refsheet' for him first but i was trying to draw a stylized version of him on the side#turned into a full sidequest with this#stylization failed he just has big leggies. thats something too ig#theres things i dont like about this but i havent posted art in what feels like ages so here. new year new blorbino#postal#postal 2#postal dude#my art#crunchchute art#i will post the sheet too i just wanted to fill more space on it. not like i will ever use it anyway#i wanted to go for the venture teardrop shape head here but im not vibing with it much idk#again its oddly stylized. this started off as a chibi!!! what happened
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someone probably said this already but in spiderverse i think it's interesting how when pavitr was first introduced everyone thought something bad was gonna happen to him bc of how confident and optimistic he was. and then in the actual movie we see that something bad was supposed to happen to him (police chief dying!) but it doesn't! miles stops it! and miguel berates miles for this, says it's going to cause the universe to collapse or whatever.
there's this idea that tragedy is inherent to spidermans growth, and while it's true that some spiderpeople learn important lessons through loss, no one stops to ask, is it really necessary? yeah, maybe the chief was supposed to die. but why does spiderman have to be formed through tragedy? why do we (as heroes) have to let people die? pavitr didn't lose anyone, and he's still a good spiderman! maybe, if he doesn't suffer, he'll end up better off for it!
so while miguel is arguing for all this big picture stuff about saving the multiverse he's lost sight of what it really means to be a spiderman, he's not looking out for the real individual people. yeah it's just one person who would die, but that one person means something to someone. shrugging and saying "stuff just sucks sometimes, we can't do anything about it" is the opposite of what superheroes do. pretty obviously, miles arc is also a reflection of the struggles people face in real life, working within unequal systems, where it's easy to shrug and say "that's just the way it is" and not ask "but why does it need be this way? can't we do something about it?"
miguel is arguing that you can't have your cake and eat it too. presumably, miles and co. are going to find a way to get around that and change things for the better (and maybe that's why miles has that line about two cakes in the advisors office!)
#across the spiderverse#across the spider verse spoilers#break from my regularly scheduled trigun posting for spider posting#i'm actually kinda eh on the idea of the canon and police chiefs dying it is not my favorite plot point#but like any sane person i love spiderverse so#actually still think i like the first one more but wroaw much to think about#spiderverse#atsv#.lieii#i only watched the movie once so hopefully this is all accurate#i feel like this is all really obvious my point was like#pavitr being an example of a spiderperson who is still successful without going through all these awful things#and you think despite all this stuff about the multiverse how does he feel about the chief being saved? hes probably rly grateful right?#i mean maybe something terrible will happen to him in the next movie but. yk what im saying#.lieii txt
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off on an adventure ! this au turns 1 week old today
jjk atla!au with @philosophiums
pose ref [x]
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#itadori yuuji#fushiguro megumi#kugisaki nobara#yuuji#megumi#nobara#fanart#jjk fanart#jjk atla!au#lmhs#atla!au: illust#atla!au: art#finalized earth kingdom clothes !!! tht did not change much barring a few tonal shifts fr megu#1 week in and it already feels like a lifetime has passed. i have a small portfolio's worth of pieces Already#im in so deep and i do not want out#got given the master Lore Scroll today and . sharp inhale. BOY#im so hype abt this im so hype abt THEM#they r taking megu out on the town :D and trying 2 one-up each other. god they make me ill#i have never wanted good things to happen More to a group of characters than i have fr them#i originally ws upset @ my me fr giving nobara a bag tht covered her charm#but then i remembered she Also wears it at her collar :D#im so happy i make the rules. so happy i hold the keys to their closet#so happy their adventure is going to b fun and mundane and void of significant character defining events#they r just going out to grab lunch probably <3
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HIII I’m a little shy and very nervous to show this arts BUT I LOVE YOUR CHARACTERS SMMM they’re my current hyperfixation 🤧🤧
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#I've been going slightly bonkers over these for the past couple of days#first of all you've made like a whole bunch of art of my characters and you didn't show me? until now? ;o;#feels like someone threw a surprise party to me but was too nervous to invite me#absolutely loving them you managed to pack so much character into every single one#really enjoying how fluid and versatile your style is in these#sharp and crisp at places and soft and hazy on others#I went “!!!!” at the warm and velvety airbrushing on Lucilia#three hundred bonus points for the carabiner!#Vasco looks absolutely precious in all of these#extra cheeky#and I'm obsessed with the Saint Machete#I've been collecting eastern orthodox icons since I was a kid and the visual look is so distinct#it was mind boggling to see to say the least#the way you stylized their noses and Machete's ears is so unique I love those details#thank you so much! I feel well fed#gift art#aliceptiche#Machete#Vasco#Ludovica#own characters#Machete has the body shape of a closed umbrella#please I'm begging you... if you ever happen to make any art of my characters let me see as well#I will eat it out of your hands like a baby deer
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everybody was very nice on my last post(s) so !!! more cole and manfred be upon you :D
#my arts#dragon age#dragon age veilguard#dragon age the veilguard#dav#datv#da4#dragon age 4#veilguard#the veilguard#manfred dragon age#cole dragon age#dragon age manfred#dragon age cole#manfred the skeleton#cole the spirit of compassion#dragon age veilguard spoilers#emmrich volkarin#dorian pavus#EHHHH TECHNICALLY#not tagging solas or the iron bull tho. that feels cheaty#im still not very good at drawing skeletons (can you tell i was experimenting w his head lol) so take that as u will#but i loooooove doodling cole esp his hair <3 wet cat core. he used to be on so many of my school notes back in the day :]#i think i am going to draw them w some weird friends next (basically. sandal and kieran. cryptic boys my beloveds) but we will see !#also maybe something w varric bc uhhh. yeah >_>;;;#its crazy bc i know like 10 things that happen in veilguard and thats it. but fck it we ball >:3c#oh i also had an AU idea too UGH i have so much i wanna draw but ill stop#thanks for looking at my art and also i love you <33
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Losing my shit about this article in which a transphobic Tory was so busy panicking about existing in the vicinity of a Trans that she almost certainly misheard "jeans" as "penis" and decided that not only was this a problem with the other woman, but also that the world must be informed of this pressing danger.
"a trans woman! I had to stand directly behind her....I thought, 'this is going well', I'm handling The Situation fine'..."
translated: I saw a tall woman with broad shoulders. How would I get out of this alive? I thought. she has a PENIS. PENIS PENIS PENIS. through some force of PENIS I mean will I managed to PENIS behave normally towards her. My hands were PENIS PENIS PENIS shaking as I tried to dry them. summoning up all my PENIS courage I said 'dryer's crap innit'. she turned to me and said " yeah I'm just goiPENIS PENIS PENIS"
It's been a week and I'm still shaking. This proves trans women are the problem and I'm not weird. I'm fine. It's fine. If you think about it I'm the hero hePENIS!!!!!
very this
#red said#it's just. I'm obsessed.#everyone on Twitter is saying 'never happened' and i think they're wrong#this absolutely did happen and she's been obsessing over how vindicated it made her feel enough to WRITE AN ARTICLE ABOUT IT#because she MISHEARD SOMEONE IN A CASUAL CONVERSATION#i lay out my reasoning thusly: if you were INVENTING a scary trans woman in bathroom story out of nothing. why would it be this?#why would you go with 'we had a banal conversation until she said a sentence that makes no sense and that no human has ever uttered#but which does coincidentally sounds almost exactly like a mishearing of a very NORMAL thing to say in the circumstances#then she left and nothing else occurred'#if you were going to INVENT a story you would probably make it MAKE SENSE or SOUND THREATENING#i truly believe this is a very authentically told account of what she thinks happened#because who would. by means other than mishearing. think 'I'm going to wipe my hands on my penis' makes any sense at all.#a) 'I'm going to dry my hands on my genitals' says the presumably fully clothed woman#b) who then proceeds to leave without doing anything threatening#c) WHO SAYS PENIS THREATENINGLY? sorry it's writing out 'penis' repeatedly that made this jump out to me but like. who says that?#you might hear someone talk casually about their dick or cock but i stg it's only doctors and TERFs who casually use the word penis much#it's so. clinically descriptive. it's a weird use of language. but it IS. something you could plausibly mishear from 'pants' or 'trousers'
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i will never have this attitude to anything else in any part of life but i did not down monster and coffee and sit in my university library all night and experience rollercoaster level anxiety on the countdown to last submissions just so people can write their essays with chatgpt
#ramble#i know i keep saying it but god forbid you fucking try. god forbid you make an effort with anything in your life#what happened to the frantic typing and no spellchecking because you've got 40 minutes left and the bibliography isn't done#what happened to scribbling the conclusion as the teacher was literally walking around the room collecting papers#i hated every minute of it but submitting my dissertation was the greatest day of my life at the time. bc i worked so fucking hard#i hate 'suffer like i suffered' in EVERYTHING else except for this. sometimes shit is hard work. if you want a skill you fucking work#i am going to assume if you use generative ai that you don't care. and i don't fucking trust you#and i don't care about anything that you couldn't be bothered to make yourself#fun fact: if i hadn't started tattooing i would've done a masters and been a lecturer!#and i'm glad i didn't because honestly idk if i'm above screaming at teenagers for things like this#i feel the same way about ai 'art' because like. you didn't earn it. you didn't try#writing is hard and drawing is hard but you learn so much!!! and i hate that people can't see that the point is the process of it all#the love is in the labour
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I just thought of Izuku immediately shooting up in the hero rankings like a week after he becomes an active pro-hero again because everyone is so happy that he's back and Katsuki wants to be annoyed that Izuku ranked higher than him so quickly like he would've been, once upon a time, but he really can't be because this is what he worked eight years to see, and now he can finally compete with him again. So he sits in his apartment, TV on, watching Izuku try not to stutter his way through his first returning interview with fondness and pride, and thinks it's finally time to put some actual effort into climbing higher on the hero rankings.
(Not that being #1 is his priority anymore. He's just happy that he gets to fight alongside Izuku again, that they can compete with one another as equals, and that they can complete one another like two sides of the same coin. For the rest of their lives.)
#i love them so much guys#i need more post canon bkdk now that we actually have the ending of bnha#bnha#boku no hero academia#mha#my hero academia#bkdk#bakudeku#dkbk#dekubaku#ktdk#katsudeku#bakugou katsuki#katsuki bakugou#midoriya izuku#izuku midoriya#bnha spoilers#mha spoilers#edited this a lot bc i found a better way to word it#sometimes i get inspiration and don't write a fic for it but i do post it on tumblr#if anyone... happens to like this little thing i wrote... yk... feel free to write an actual fic......#i'm jk i don't think my ideas are THAT good i just thought this was cute#most of the time i actually DON'T post my little ideas to tumblr they go straight to the notes app 😭
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you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah
#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again#the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys#saw#well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand#know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows#your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman.#there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn#thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down#something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness#the transformation of a man into a monster#and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption#sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this#do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind.#the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore#it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating#fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn#i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him#until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else#well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God#where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium#anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus#maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man#i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed#if only he hadn't been weaponized first#god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already#but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there#rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts#ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly#cat chat
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Seriously chaotic fashion misadventures
I realized I posted a teaser and never really followed up on it, so here is some more of that
“Hey, Dami?”
Boy hadn’t looked up from the kittens he was bottle feeding but let out a hum indicating he listened.
“I'm thinking about trying out a more girlish style. Do you think it would suit me?”
Well, Damian had no idea but if Dani wished to give it a chance, then, well, the only proper reaction was to offer his aid.
*-*-*
“Father, I require access to your rouge gallery.”
Bruce almost choked on his breakfast when his youngest made this announcement.
Rouge gallery, as his children playfully called it, was vast collection of lipsticks, which he collected to uphold his Brucie persona. Famous playboy with head constantly in the clouds couldn’t not show up with discreet signs of scandal from time to time. And it couldn’t always be the same shade. Or scent when he choose more subtle approach and used one of his more feminine perfumes.
In all honesty, he enjoyed this.
But that’s not the point, point was that Damian wanted to use it and Bruce needed to know what disaster would fall upon him if he agreed.
“Mind telling me why, chum?”
Dick, who visited Manor for a weekend, barely stifled his laughter while Tim stared at his empty coffee mug like it personally betrayed him. Cass just wore her usual knowing and mischievous smile.
Damian shifted in his chair, hands clenching on butter knife. He was nervous and suddenly Bruce dreaded the answer he was about to hear.
“I don’t see how me sharing this information would change anything. It won’t be used to cause harm to anyone but it’s necessary in the extracurricular project I just started.”
“Dami, what project?” Dick asked, voice oozing with genuine curiosity and excitement. He was almost bouncing.
“I don’t want to disclose it.”
“Is this a hero or civilian type of deal?”
Damian didn’t look any of them in the eyes, both hands clenching on his seat as he kept shifting. Bruce narrowed his eyes. Was his youngest… flustered?
“Civilian”
“Alright, great” Dick swung back with single clap, almost tripping his chair over “I think B won’t have anything against you using his rouge gallery, will he?” Man knew his oldest son well enough to recognize his ‘don’t you dare to disagree’ tone. He was confused but there wasn’t any harm so he nodded with affirmative hum.
“Thank you, Father”
Boy practically inhaled rest of his food and rushed outside. Despite all his training and all his efforts, they clearly saw his excitement. Tim pinched himself and returned to staring at his mug.
“Cass, have you seen what I’ve seen or am I overreacting?” Dick asked, barely restraining his enthusiasm. Girl nodded eagerly, shoving more crumbs into her mouth. Young man cheered, throwing his hands up.
“What have I missed?” Tim mumbled, frowning a little.
“BABY BAT HAS A CRUSH!”
Cass nodded again with wide smile.
Oh.
Oh no.
Who were they? What did he know about them? Was Protocol 3r0s started? Did someone run a background check already? What could they do if they somehow hurt Damian? Was this person a risk to their identities? Oh gods, oh no.
He probably will have to do The Talk™.
He always dreaded having The Talk, with any of his kids. He felt The Talk with Damian would be even worse. Understandably so.
“Also sleep in at least three da-”
“Fuck off, dick.”
“Was this insult or-”
His children remained obvious to how much work it meant, cheering and sassing each other like they often did.
*-*-*
Damian did not know how it was possible but he lowered his guard enough to get caught.
"What are you doing?" Brown choked out after they stared at each other for a long moment.
"It does not concern you–"
"You're rummaging through my wardrobe, not many things concern me more and also, that's frickin creepy don't do it to anyone outside of the family"
She did have a point however he was not convinced it would be the correct approach if he shared his plan. Father's wards (even unofficial like Brown) tended to make assumptions and overreact based on these conjectures. Dani wasn't easy to scare off but he didn't want to check if his family would manage. They often did things thought to be impossible.
He tried to get away but the blonde stood fiercely in a door, leaving the window as the only way out. He wasn't this desperate. Yet.
Girl looked more and more angry at his silence. He had to give her some answers.
Now that he actually considered it, she could be a useful asset. She was far better versed in women's fashion and if he phrased it correctly, he wouldn't even need to bribe her. Question was, how should he phrase it?
"I have an acquaintance- I have a friend," he corrected himself "from the animal shelter I volunteer at. She mentioned wanting to try out more 'girlish style' and asked for my opinion. I wanted to see if you had any clothes that would fit her. She is smaller than me so I thought that whatever I take, it wouldn't be missed."
Brown grinned with an unsettling gleam in her eyes. He suddenly regretted opening his mouth if not coming to this room in the first place.
"Say no more, I have a plan Demon Child"
#dpxdc#dp x dc#dc x dp#dcxdp#steph is fashion icon thank you very much#dami is trying to woo this girl since the day she saw house rat in such horrible state that three older volunteers had to go to puke-#called it adorable and started cleaning and patching it up without batting an eye#meanwhile dani is having a blast on her one month visit in Gotham; she doesn't plan on telling anyone when she is leaving#btw Dani's name here was supposed to be Jackie (from Jaqueline) or Jaime#(with Danny's second name being Jack or James respectively)#but I changed it back because there is no set-up for it and i didn;t want to just drop that out of nowhere#i just wanted her to stay true to her gremlin name stealing nature#while having a name that sounded distinclty hers#because idk how it is in us#but here you know someone's second name if you're#a) handling some legal documentation/their id#b) are close enough friends to know such deep lore#c) happened to be at the table when someone used 'what's your second name' as a conversation starter at the canteen#so she'd feel conected to Danny for everyone in the know#while still sounding like she isn't a carbon copy#this fic started because i saw a post about similar looking ans sounding words having different meanings and-#- someone mentione rogue rouge and Batman in one sentence and i decided that this man deserved rouge gallery outside of his usual rogue one#this fic could probably be seen as distant continuation of Ghost of Fries and Hero of Cookies#in a way thirteenth book in the series is continuation to second#but it is a sorta continuation#i still don't believe in my dc knowledge enough to pull this series of#anyway#serious chaos#(almost) new years fic special#part five (final)
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sin eater
#sorry its been a minute!!! the horrors. you understand.#anyways yall ready for another gloom tag essay because here we go!!!#im constantly thinking about the ramifications of uzi literally eating cyn and her now being apart of her.#specifically how it impacts uzi mentally. like dgmw i LOVE the silly cyntail shenanigans in fanart (ive also contributed to this) however#when i really think about it in relation to uzi's arc i go crazy insane#uzi is a character who is grasping for control after a lifetime of not having it.#she has no control over how her peers treat her. she has no control over khan neglecting her for reasons that arent her fault.#she quite literally has no control over the solver taking her over and making her do monstrous things against her will#which solidifies her feelings of being a freak monster who everyone was right to outcast and mistreat.#because im Unwell i interpret her calling herself god as a way to convince herself of having control- and to lock away feelings of impurity#if anyone is in control- if anyone is loved and cherished despite any and all wrong doings- its a god.#and that all comes to a head when she eats the heart of cyn thereby destroying the AS- a literal manifestation of a corrupted god- for good#finally taking back control from the entity that had been terrorizing and traumatizing both her and her loved ones. but did she really?#cyn is apart of her now. powerless sure- but that doesnt take away the horrors she wrought previously#and even so- has uzi ever stopped being just a host? do you think shes terrified of cyn regaining power out of the blue?#do you think uzi ever stops feeling like a monster?#“sin eating” was a thing that happened where someone would consume ritual foods to take on the sins of a recently deceased person#thus absolving said deceased person of any sins and putting them onto the sin eater. being a sin eater ensured eternal damnation.#and i just think about that a lot. when applying that (symbolically ofc(somewhat literally. she very much is a cyn eater)) to what uzi did.#“gloom you're reading way too much into this” THE LITTLE GOTH ROBOT. MAKES ME INSANE IN THE HEAD. OK!!!!!#gloom.art#murder drones#murder drones fanart#murder drones uzi#uzi murder drones#uzi doorman#uzi md#md uzi#uzi fanart
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my favorite line in the barbie movie was “we’re going back for my doll” like i felt that so so deeply. it’s about the inherent connection a little girl has to her most beloved doll and the abject horror of realizing u accidentally left her behind somewhere. like u do not know what else is happening and do not care if it’s inconvenient you ARE coming back for that doll. similarly it’s about being an adult and feeling so lost and dejected and remembering when the world was yours to invent, yours to build, yours to take - all you needed was that little doll and you were set and it all seemed so simple and magical. it’s about reminiscing and realizing little you knew so, so much, she understood a lot you seem to be struggling with rn. it’s about coming back for and to little you. it’s about waving to the little girl you once were and being kind to her and asking what does she have to share with you today and tucking her in and knowing with absolute certainty what she knew back then: no matter what else is happening, no matter where you are, where you’ve gone, where she is, you are going back for that fucking doll, simply because you must
#sorry as someone who was once a doll collector and had to sell them for $$$ reasons and misses them so so very much#that line was just like. god i know in the movie it’s almost inconsequential but like. you ARE going back for that little doll#you ARE that’s not a discussion. that’s the way it HAS to happen#AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! i have a lot of feelings but most especially I MISS MY DOLLS SO MUCH BRO#barbie spoilers#barbie
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#a doodley#i had to make this blue so tumblr would stop hiding it from the dash#anyway no caption this happened 2 hrs ago#im happy abt my surgery but it and other things this year keep beinging conversations like these up#and i cant handle it at all.#everything my dad tells me just makes me feel worse and not bc its anything bad but bc I Feel Bad#like the conversation then continued to him being like no dont cry im just saying i wpuld have wanted to#quit my job decades ago and set aside money so I wouldnt be struggling as much now but that didnt happen#and i just dont want that to happen to you guys :)#so we have to support u so that your life is what u want it to be#and i cried even more bc what do u mean. thats so sad. ur a person and u were a child and baby once and ur gonna die#and you always almost cry when u talk about your mom who passed away decades ago#and your brothers that passed away#recently and im going to be your age and still sobbing bc i miss my dad. just like i have been prematurely crying about since i was 7#the other day my dad asked my mom if i cried a lot when i was a baby/kid and my mom said no and then my dad#said that when i Did cry it was so severe he thought i would ''drown in my own tears''#bc i could never stop. like. thats still true today. ive been crying on and off since then#i think i mentioned he's just been telling me stories about his life lately and it further fuels this. i get so sad. im sorry your life was#like this. i dont want to die i dont want you to die im sad im sorry im sorry#im scared. im never going to see you again. how horrible. how horrible#i cant enjoy my day today bc every day is a day closer and i get sad
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Cruel and Unusual Punishments (the PSA episode).
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#wen zhuliu#The pay off of the juicebox finally comes to fruition. Wen Zhuliu was diabetic and trying to mange his low blood sugar.#The theme of WWX's revenge kills is 'cruel and unusual punishments' which is very much what I'd consider this to be.#I know this is a funny jokes blog and a funny jokes comics but:#Hypoglycemia is a serious medical emergency. Do *not* prank anybody who relies on quick sugars by hiding their stuff.#I am lovingly skipping the other brutal torture scenes in this episode <3 They happened off screen but I'm not ready to draw that.#This is the end for Wen Zhuliu. Mr. Core melting hand more like...uh...Snore Smelting hand (got 'em)#He feels like such a dominating and threatening force - and he has a lasting impact within the story.#And yet he is so spineless. He really is just the attack dog at the heels of the Wen Clan.#For all the airs he gives off about not *really* being 100% down with everything going on - he still goes along with it.#It's the most pathetic kind of evil in this world.#Rest uneasy in your grave Wen Zhuliu. No peace for you.
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I was looking through your art because it is delicious, would eat, 20/10 and just realised how HAPPY John is in this one-
He is JOYOUS. he is PROUD. He doesn't want to be ANYWHERE but HERE.
TEEHEE fr he loves his boyfriends and he loves holding Noel’s hand
#the start of the end……#may have been the first sighting of the Arthur Lester and his three boyfriends name#idk what happened these past few months but I feel like my doodles from like May-July were so fire#what happened#I look back on them and I’m like there’s a vibe here I’m failing to capture rn what’s going on#definitely has nothing to do with me becoming so much busier after starting college couldn’t be that at all#ask
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ok i swear i'm not going to talk about my breakup forever but the thing that just keeps bothering me:
i know that not getting what you need in a relationship is a COMPLETELY valid reason to end it but also. i feel like having a very vulnerable moment where i opened up about my struggles with intimacy and being relieved that i didn't have to keep doing things i wasn't comfortable with, then being dumped a YEAR later because of my lack of intimacy. is something i should be allowed to be very hurt by???
#ramble#sorry i'm currently in a phase of 'of course this happened' and 'oh i deserve this because i didn't give him what he wanted'#like he knew i was grey ace since the start. and he let it go on for SO long after i said i might be vaguely aro as well#if that's a dealbreaker for you bc of your love language then FINE but NIP IT IN THE BUD#he said he put it off because he didn't want to hurt my feelings but it only hurt me MORE#like you're an adult. grow the fuck up and communicate like one#holding your negative feelings in hoping somebody notices you're hiding them is what TEENAGERS do#and also i told him VERBATIM: i didn't think anyone would ever love me because i'm not comfortable with xyz. and he just confirmed that#idk i still feel like i'm being selfish because how could i expect someone to be in a relationship with me when i can't give them anything#also tmi but it's not like we did NOTHING. we still held hands/cuddled/were close. he just didn't have his tongue down my throat anymore#so obviously i'm assuming by 'missing affection' he just meant sex and as an ace person that just fucking sucks#also oh my god i HATED how much he would imply we were going to have sex. i would have to keep SAYING 'i don't like doing this'#he always spoke like it was inevitably going to happen and it didn't click how GROSS i felt about it until recently#also ALSO not to go there but i never told him WHY i struggle with it (it's sensory issues)#and like. what if something had happened to me that made it hard for me and i just wasn't ready to tell him. and then he did this#again sorry to overshare this is still just a lot for me and i have no idea if i'm being unreasonable#if you're ace and in a relationship please let me know bc i'm starting to think it'll end this way every single time
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