#I feel like it’s the one time we see him without a mask

[hornyfor-redacted-onmain]

I Love You

Pieces of My Heart - Chapter 20 Stray Kids OT8 x reader, Soulmate AU

Masterlist |

Y/N went for a walk at the Han River today it was so peaceful Hannie its like 9 in the morning? when did you even have time? Y/N I woke up early ^^ the sunrise was beautiful Hannie i cant believe you willingly woke up early 0.o Y/N I want to take you there someday. Just you and me, we can go for a walk by the han river. Hannie Just us? Y/N Hmmm. My two favorite Hans, all to myself Hannie Wait, two favorites? You should only have ONE favorite Han >:( Y/N You're absolutely right baby Hannie im your favorite Han, right? Y/N …. I love you? Hannie >:( (i love you too)

-0-0-

“Jagi, are you okay? You can take off your hat if you want.”

You paused from where you had pulled up your beanie to swipe hair from your forehead, the cold soft air of the cafe AC making the sweat on your body cool rapidly. Subsequently, it was causing your hair to stick.

The two of you had just sat down at a small cafe hidden away from the crowds. It was a cafe known for being discreet, the owners having long gotten used to both trainees and idols coming there. Jeongin had grabbed the booth all the way in the back.

And yet you still found yourself nervously pulling the hoodie lower. You were facing the glass windows and the large double doors, where anyone could walk by and see you. It made you feel exposed. It wasn't the first time you had been out with one of the boys, but ever since seeing a photo of you on social media, you found yourself wanting to lay low. It was hard to do that when Jeongin, bless his confident soul, was wearing nothing more than a t-shirt and a pair of fake glasses that suited him wonderfully, but did nothing to hide his beautiful face. No hat, no hoodie, and he had even taken off his mask.

You were a ball of nerves.

“I’m okay,” You told him.

He gave you an unconvinced look, which was fair considering you were doing a terrible job at hiding your feelings.

The waitress came over then, setting down the two cups you had ordered, as well as the cake Jeongin had ordered. You ducked your head until she had left.

Jeongin let out a soft hum. “Jagi. Open.”

He held out a fork with a bit of cake on it towards you. You accepted the bite with a pout, knowing he was trying to get you to open up, but the cake was so good you couldn't stop the way your eyes widened in surprise.

The more flavors that began to explode in your mouth, the more you were convinced this had to be the best cake you had ever tried.

Jeongin gave you a knowing look. “Good, huh?”

“Holy-” You covered your mouth since it was still filled with food, tempted to nearly moan at how good it was.

Guess those cheesy romance books weren't all fantasy.

He smiled, grabbing another bite and holding it out to you. You pushed it away with your free hand, the other one still covering your mouth as you swallowed.

“No, it's your cake!” you protested, even though deep down you really wanted to accept that bite.

“It doesn't matter,” he reminded you. “Even if you eat it, I'll still taste it.”

You couldn't help but laugh at that, and Jeongin laughed along with you. The noise came out loud, echoing across the room, and from the corner of your eyes you spotted two girls sitting at a table near the entrance looking up in your direction. Immediately, you felt the same worry and shame from before rising up. You couldn't help the flash of panic when Jeongin turned around, having spotted your face and wanting to see what was wrong.

You reached out to him. “Innie! You're not wearing your mask!” You hissed at him in warning.

He turned back to you with a bewildered look. “What?”

You glanced behind him. The two girls were looking down at their phones, seemingly uninterested in whatever was going on around them. They were either really good actresses, or they didn't seem to recognize the maknae. You slumped back in your seat with a frown.

“You can't just-” You gestured wildly. “-look without your mask. What if someone recognizes you?”

“Is that what has you so worried?” He said, looking far too amused.

“It’s a valid worry.”

“But why do you keep hiding your face?”

“In case someone does recognize you,” You told him, feeling like a solid ‘duh' would fit well at the end. You decided against it though. “I don't want to cause any more problems for you guys.”

Jeongin titled his head. “More? Jagi, you've been the opposite of a problem.”

“No, that’s not what I mean,” You try to explain. “Its just…”

You trailed off, realizing you were going to have to come clean about the photo you had seen. You had yet to mention it to any of the boys, and now that it had been nearly two weeks later, it felt like admitting to a secret. Jeongin leaned forward, his face squinted in that cute way of his that had him looking like a fox, but still cute nonetheless.

“What happened?”

And so you explained your nondate with Seungmin, how the two of you had stopped in the middle of the street, how you found the photo later on with little to no interactions, and the worry that there were people watching at all times. The worry that you would get caught.

The youngest member simply nodded, listening to you with no interruptions, until you were done. Then, he lifted up the fork with another bite of cake.

“Eat.”

“Innie-”

“Eat,” he stressed out, giving you a look.

You reluctantly took the bite offered with a pout, unable to deny how good the treat was. Given the look on his face, you were sure it was just as much for his satisfaction as it was for yours.

“I understand your worries, Jagi. I understand how stressful it is to think about being in the media eye, how paranoid it can make you feel.” You nodded at his words, well aware that if anyone could understand, it would definitely be him. Or any of the members. “But it’s also because I’ve been there that I know just how unnecessary that worry is.”

You frowned. “How can you say that? What happens if someone snaps a photo of us together?”

“Then it happens.” Just like that. Like it was a fact of life. You shook your head, even as Jeongin continued. “I’ve already accepted that something is going to come out eventually. Im actually expecting it.” He offered you another bite. “So is Chan-hyung, and Minho-hyung, and the other members, and the manager, and probably the CEO.”

“That doesn't exactly make me feel better,” You pointed out. He gave you a look and wiggled his hand, so you let out a sigh, taking the bite of cake.

“You can sit here and worry about when that moment is going to happen, or you can just enjoy your life and accept that it will happen eventually. I’m not saying you should go around telling everyone your dating Stray Kids, or to stop being aware of your surroundings, but maybe don’t let it eat you up inside, okay?”

You blinked at him, eyes a little watery. “When did you get so wise, Iyen-ah?”

He smiled, eyes squinting and nose scrunching. You leaned forward and, faces now inches apart, placed your hand over his.

“I love you.”

He blinked slowly, still smiling, but softer now. And then he leaned back, flipping his hand to grab your wrist.

“I love you too. Now come here.”

He tugged you towards him, but he had to actually let you go for you to make your way to the other side of the booth. You sat down next to him.

“It’s not like you to want so much skinship,” You pointed out, nudging your shoulder against his.

He shrugged. “If your so worried about being spotted, I figured it would be easier if nobody could see you.”

Your mouth slipped open in surprise, and you couldn’t help but lean against him. “Innie, that’s … thank you.”

“You're welcome. Now finish the cake.”

-0-0-

Comeback promotions started up so quickly you didn’t get much warning. It was half group dinners, then just two or three, and eventually you were getting messages telling you that they would be getting back late and that you shouldn't wait up. The boys all made efforts to check in with you throughout the day, or to exclusively talk in the group chat so you wouldn't feel left out, but suddenly having so much free time to yourself made you feel like something was missing.

Even schoolwork couldn't hide the loneliness. You still got breakfast with the boys, even if it was rushed, and the occasional half day surprise when someone's schedule was clear, but the one person who seemingly disappeared for an entire week was Chan.

A good morning text was all you got for those 7 days. The others reassured you he was fine and just busy, but Felix was quick to warn you that the leader was taking naps before performances, cluing in to his lack of sleep.

On the 8th day, or maybe it was the 9th due to how late it was, you were woken up to the clicking sound of your door unlocking. You lifted your head, only taking in the blurry figure at the door as they shuffled in, trying to be quiet, before dropping your head back down with a huff. Soft footsteps drew closer, your eyes too heavy to open, and then a hand was brushing down your cheek.

You let out a noise of confusion when the covers lifted.

“Go back to sleep, sweetheart,” Chan whispered, placing a kiss on your wrist as he settled in next to you.

You found yourself hovering somewhere near sleep and wake, mind still kind of aware but somewhat dreaming. You thought about the man next to you fondly, the effort he made to be with you even during his busy schedule.

“I love you,” you whispered, falling into a deep sleep.

Chan was gone by the time you woke up.

As you got ready, you found yourself wondering if you had actually said the words out loud, or if it had just been in your head. But then you got a message.

Chan Good morning love <3 Hope you have an amazing day PS. I love you too

-0-0-

Their busy schedules seem to clear up almost as quickly as they came. Although the boys still had plenty of activities scheduled both as a group and as individuals, group dinners were once again on the table. It only takes another week before you have all 8 of your boys together at the same time, their laughs and voices getting loud enough you were worried they would get a noise complaint. Even then, you didn't have the heart to quiet them.

It was during this time together, once they had settled in on the couches and began winding down, that you sprung your surprise on them.

“Sooo,” You drawled. “I have an announcement to make.” Jisung and Hyunjin both gave you panicked looks, and you raised your hands to wave away their worries. “I'm not breaking up with you, don't worry.”

“You couldn't get rid of us that easily,” Minho replied nonchalantly.

“I just wanted to let you guys know that I got a job offer.”

There was a chorus of congratulations and smiles from the boys, but only Chan seemed to realize there was still more to be said. Probably because he could still feel your anxiety.

“It's in New York.” The boys were uncharacteristically silent, so you continued. “It's only an offer, I still have to apply and there's no guarantee that I'll even get it. Honestly, I'm debating whether or not I even want to apply.”

“Okay,” Felix started, leaning forward on his knees. “Why are you bringing this up?”

“It just had me thinking, you know, about us. This,” You said, gesturing at the group. “And how its going to work. You know, long-term.”

“Long-term?” Changbin asked, repeating the english words with his thick accent. Chan translated, and the boys all nodded in understanding.

“Don’t you-” Jisung cut himself off, forehead pinching as he frowned. “I thought you being here was the long-term plan.”

“For now, yes. I still have a year or two until I get my degree, and I can continue to do that long distance for now. But then what? Eventually I will have to get a job, find my own place. Will we do that together? You guys obviously have Stray Kids, and it doesn't look like you plan on changing that anytime soon, so obviously you all are going to be together for a while…” You found yourself trailing off at the dejected look on Chan's face.

“Do you … not feel like you're a part of that goal?” He asked you. He gave a quick look to the other boys and switched to english. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to make decisions for our sake. You may be our soulmate, but you have every right to want to travel or move to other places, to get a job, to be … independent from us, if that’s what you want.”

You opened your mouth to protest, but he lifted a hand, and you pressed your lips together. He continued in Korean. “I just want you to know that I-“ Felix cleared his throat. “-WE have never, ever, thought of excluding you from our future plans. If we end up making any decisions as a group, you are 100 percent included in that decision.”

“You’re a Stray now, whether you like it or not,” Seungmin told you, reaching out to pull your hand away from where it had been pulling on a loose thread in your sleeve.

You let out a laugh, eyes watering even as you tried to blink the tears away. “You offering me a place in the group?”

“It doesn’t matter if you’re part of the group or not. You’re a part of us,” Changbin muttered.

At the same time, Jisung perked up. “Do you know how to rap?!”

“We’re not adding her to the group,” Chan said with a smile. “I already have to deal with you guys.”

“Fine, we’ll make our own group,” Jisung continued nonchalantly, giving you a wink.

“The gremlin club?” Seungmin offered.

You couldn’t help but let out a bark of laughter at that, slapping the singer next to you as you suddenly remembered something. “Wait! You never did give me back my hoodie!”

Jisung was quickly getting to his feet. “Actually, I think I have somewhere to be-“

“No, no, no! Get back here, you little shit!”

“Hyung, help!”

“Give me back my hoodie!”

-0-0-

Even with the boys’ great efforts to lift your mood, you still found yourself thinking about your future more and more. You also found yourself missing them, even when you had the opportunity to see them every day, to the point you were worried you would come off as clingy. Even though they didn’t have such busy schedules anymore, there was one particular Wednesday afternoon when the boys seemed to be hit with a wave of inspiration, rushing off to the studio to get their ideas down before it left.

You happily spent the morning with Hyunjin until he had to meet up with a friend. A quick lunch with the others was just as chaotic as you expected, and Minho only gave you a knowing look when you asked him if he would mind making 3 extra servings. In return, you didn’t mention the fact that Jisung’s bag had a little note added in.

Despite having only been to the company building a handful of times, the security downstairs didn’t even look twice at your ID before waving you in, and since you knew exactly where you were going, it was only a few minutes before you were knocking on the familiar studio door.

Three faces lit up as you poked your head into the room.

“Hey.” You walked in, seeing they weren’t in the middle of recording.

Changbin was quick to stand up and help you with the bags you were holding, peeking in and smiling as he realized you had brought food.

“Yah! Thank you so much, babe.”

“You brought food?”

Chan and Jisung both thanked you as you handed them their respective containers, and you sat down on the couch with a smile as you watched them talk about how good it looked. Changbin, instead of returning to his own seat, settled in next to you.

“It really does look good,” Changbin muttered, opening up the top of the container. “Wah!”

“Minho put in a lot of effort to make it look good.”

“He left me a note,” Jisung pointed out, smiling down at his little present.

Chan looked through his own bag. “I didn’t get a note.”

He pouted, and Jisung seemed to get even happier at the news. The boys began to eat their food, starting an easy conversation about a new show that you had started watching. When you brought up their music, Chan offered to let you hear what they had so far, and you quickly agreed. He began to get the track set up as you cleaned up the containers.

“Okay, this is an idea we’ve been working on,” He told you, and the room grew quiet as he played the track.

You bopped your head to the rhythm. The song was simple, but rhythmic. The track itself was just the instrumental, but from next to you, Changbin seemed to be muttering to himself potential lyrics. He had his phone out and everything.

“This is the best part,” Jisung said, slapping Chan’s shoulder from where the two sat next to each other.

And the song began to rise into what you could recognize as a beat drop. You smiled as the two producers suddenly headbanged together as the song went crazy, a sick beat echoing around the room as their heads continued to bop in unison. It was a really good song from what you could hear, the kind that made you want to get up and start dancing.

“Aaand that’s all we go so far,” Chan said as he paused the track, spinning around to face you. “We were just about to start working on some lyrics. You want to stick around and help?

“Can I?” You wondered.

“Of course!”

Jisung let out a clap. “Great! I have some ideas we can work on, and I think Changbin’s working on some of his own, so we can pull them together and work something out.”

Said man was still looking down at his phone. You nudged him gently. “Bin?”

Chan laughed. “Give him a moment. He tends to get too into whatever’s he’s doing.”

“Hopefully it’s better than what he came up with earlier,” Jisung said, smiling at you. “He wrote this cute little verse about how much he loves bulgogi. It was funny.”

You couldn’t help but giggle at the thought. Changbin was silent for a few more seconds, but he eventually lifted his head up nonchalantly only to freeze at the sight of everyone staring at him. “What?”

Chan and Jisung laughed, and the rapper seemed to realize he had missed something. He gave an embarrassed smile, turning to you for an explanation since the other two were still laughing.

“So, I hear you wrote some really deep lyrics about bulgogi.”

Changbin let out a groan, and you couldn’t help but laugh. He tried to say something, but the three of you were still laughing, and he shook his head. You didn’t even fight him when he wrapped his arms around you, trying to tickle you from the side. You jerked as he hit the ticklish parts of your side, laughing jumping up an octave into a scream. Changbin started to laugh along with you.

“Okay, okay!” You wiggled in his hold. “I’m sorry!”

“I get no respect from you guys,” he complained, no longer tickling you, put still keeping his arms wrapped around you.

“Oh, I’m sorry sweetie. Do you want some bulgogi?”

“Yah!”

Chan and Jisung were still laughing, having been spurred on by your comments, and Changbin pulled you into his lap to rest his chin on your shoulder. You cooed at him as he pretended to pout. When he went to lean back against the couch, he pulled you down on top of him, your body relaxing against his as you both sighed in comfort, choosing to ignore the other two boys as they finally began to calm down.

There was a moment of peace, where it was just you and your soulmates, your body humming contently. And then it all came screeching to a halt as the door opened.

You didn’t recognize the woman who walked in, only taking in the surprise that flashed across her face as she took you in for less than a second before you were slipping off your boyfriend’s lap, face suddenly feeling hot. The sudden pounding in your chest only seemed to get worse as the surprise slipped into a cold icy disgust, the older woman crossing her arms.

“Seo Changbin. You should know better,” She chastised him like she was his mother. “Being so provocative where anyone could walk in. You should save that kind of behavior for when you are alone.”

You frowned, sharing a look with Jisung. Weren’t you technically alone before she … walked in? Without knocking? To a private studio in a private building?

He returned your confusion with his own furrowed brows.

“It’s not like that, Noona,” Chan defended. “Besides, nobody really comes in here that often anyways.“

She gave him a sharp look. “Anyone in this building can walk into this room. You should have at least locked the door.”

“We weren’t doing anything-“ You tried to argue.

“While I am happy that you boys have found your soulmate, this isn’t information that many are privy too. You’ll do well to be careful even when in the company building,” She interrupted, handing Chan a few papers. “The stylists want to check your measurements tomorrow, and you need to film a promotional video on TikTok by the end of the week.”

And with one last side eye in your direction, the woman left. You didn’t even get to say goodbye before she was breezing out of the room, heels clicking across the floor.

You were the first one to break the silence. “Well, she seemed nice.”

“She’s just looking out for us,” Chan said, flipping through the papers with a sigh. “Man, they moved the filming schedule up to Friday. Who schedules filming on a Friday?”

“At least we get Monday free,” Jisung offered, looking over Chan’s shoulder.

Changbin nudged you as he moved in closer, his arm going around your shoulder to pull you in close, but you froze at his touch. He noticed your discomfort immediately, backing off enough that he could get a good look at your face. He gave you a reassuring smile.

“Hey, you okay?”

“Yeah, sorry. Just a little embarrassing,” You admitted. “I feel like I just got scolded by my mom.”

He let out a huff. “Don’t let her get to you. Doyeon-noona is just a little stricter with us than the other staff.”

“I know. I can’t blame her for that, I … I just don’t like the idea that I have to be careful with you guys in your own studio,” You admitted. The other two seemed to pick up on your conversation, their own ramblings quieting as they turned to listen. “I know we talked about this before, and I already know how you guys feel about this, but I just … I don’t know. I wish things weren’t so complicated.”

“Like you said, you already know how I feel.” Letting his fingers intertwine with yours, Changbin pulled your hand up to place a soft kiss to the back. “But I get it. Nobody wants to feel like they can’t be themselves with the people they love.”

“People they love, huh?” As if you had sucked all the confidence right out of his body, Changbin began to splutter.

You smiled.  “I love you too.”

-0-0-

You settled into a nice routine, which often included messaging the group chat to see if any of the boys were home or available every morning. This particular day, you found yourself heading up to the maknae’s dorm in search of Seungmin, who promised you he had a few hours to watch a movie with you. It wasn’t until you got there that you realized he wasn’t the only one there.

Hyunjin was in the kitchen when you arrived. You didn’t realize until you were walking down the hall and passed by the doorway, freezing your body when you caught sight of the dancer as if you had just been caught sneaking out. He also froze, a cup halfway up to his mouth, blinking at you in confusion.

“What are you doing here?”

“Gunna watch a movie with Seungmin. What are you doing here?”

He looked down at his cup. “… nothing.”

“Is that Minho’s special tea?”

“Please don’t tell him,” Hyunjin pleaded, dropping the cup to the counter with a loud clack. “He’ll kill me.”

“Fine. But only if you make me a cup.”

“Deal.”

Seungmin showed up a few minutes later when you didn’t answer his text, taking in the two of you and the guilty looks you sported.

He smirked. “Hyung’s tea? Really?”

“Don’t tell him,” You pleaded. “He’ll kill us.”

With a smile that sent shivers up your spine, the young singer reached for his phone. You let out a laugh as you lunged for him, trying to block his sight, and he playfully grabbed you with one arm, using the other to hold his phone away from your reach. Seungmin was surprisingly strong, and you found yourself unable to do anything as the photo app was pulled up.

“Hyunjin, help!”

Things quickly went to chaos after that. The two of you managed to get the phone out of Seungmin’s hands, but Hyunjin wasn’t expecting the other boy to tackle him against the counter, both of them laughing and screaming as they wrestled for the phone. You tried to grab it out of their hands yourself, but you miscalculated.

Your socks slipped against the floor, and with a yelp, you reached out to grab onto the boys for stability. Hyunjin was pulled to the ground by Seungmin, his arms flailing as he went down. You hit the side of the counter just as one of the cups of tea was flung in your direction, and you let out a shout as hot liquid hit your chest, neck, and the left side of your face.

“Shit!” You swiped your hand across your face, and the other two grew quiet as they realized what had happened.

“Fuck, are you okay?” Seungmin was the first to react, pulling you towards the sink. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” You assured him, letting him use a wet towel to wipe away the liquid from your skin. While the tea had been hot and definitely uncomfortable, it wasn’t hot enough to cause any burns. “I’m okay.”

“Are you sure? It didn’t burn you?” Hyunjin pressed his fingers to the skin, but immediately pulled away when he realized he was leaving marks. “It looks red.”

“It’s fine. It wasn’t hot enough for that. Really.”

“Aish. You should have been more careful,” Seungmin muttered, gently pulling at the collar of your shirt to wipe at your collarbones and shoulder.

You gaped at him. “Me?! You were the one who spilled the tea!”

“Actually, I think that was me,” Hyunjin admitted with a grimace, rubbing his hand.

You pulled at your shirt. “Ugh, I need a shower. Why is it sticky?”

Hyunjin let out a cough that sounded suspiciously like a laugh, and it took you a second to realize why. You slapped him on the arm. Seungmin rolled his eyes at his team member, throwing the wet towel at the dancer’s face, and gently guiding you down the hall.

“Clean up the mess!” He yelled to Hyunjin, turning to you with softer eyes. “You can use my shower.”

You didn’t take a long shower, not even washing your hair since you were just rinsing the tea off. Seungmin had offered you one of his shirts to wear while yours went through the laundry, so you stopped by the laundry room to load up some clothes (you figured you might as well wash the rest of the dirty laundry at the same time) and emerged into the living room to spot both boys now calmly sitting on the couch. The tv show you had been planning to watch was loaded up on the screen, and Seungmin looked up when you entered.

“Better?”

“Yeah. Thank you,” You told him, motioning to the shirt he had lent you.

Seungmin looked you up and down in a way that had goosebumps breaking out along your skin. He looked back down to his phone nonchalantly. “Don’t worry about it.” You pretended not to see him smile down at his phone.

“Man, now I want you to wear my clothes,” Hyunjin whined from his spot on the couch.

You rolled your eyes, sitting down in between both of them. “Boys.”

“What! You look hot wearing out clothes.” He pouted. “Just wish it was my clothes.”

“Maybe next time.”

“Next time?” Seungmin said, looking up at you with his brows raised. From the other side, Hyunjin perked his head up like a puppy who just hear the word ‘treats’ being mentioned.

You rolled you eyes. “You know what I mean.”

Even as the show started up and you settled back to get comfy, you couldn’t help but notice Hyunjin’s pout from the corner of your eye. He only pouted harder when you turned towards him, making a point to look as dejected as possible, curling up on his side of the couch by himself. You let out a sigh, and he peeked at you with a hopeful look.

You sat up straight. “Wow. It’s really cold in here.”

“Do you want me to turn the AC down?” Seungmin offered, already reaching for the remote.

You slapped his shoulder gently, now exaggerating your voice at him. “I could really use a sweater!”

He snorted, settling back down once he realized what you were up to. It took Hyunjin a few seconds, but the dancer finally caught on once you both turned to him with expectant looks, his entire face lighting up like a Christmas tree.

“Oh!” He grabbed the ends of his sweater, struggling to get it off. “I got it! Wait- hold one .. Ash.”

He almost threw the thing across the room when he finally got it off, hair sticking up from the static electricity. Seungmin let out a cackle of laughter.

Hyunjin didn’t even seem bothered as he offered you his sweater. “Here.”

Now wrapped up in clothes from both boys, you were finally able to settle down to watch the show in peace. You didn’t want to admit it to them, but you actually did enjoy wearing their clothes. You found yourself pulling the ends of Hyunjin’s sweater past your hands, pressing the fabric to your nose and softly inhaling the scent that was a mix of laundry detergent and just … him. You smiled softly.

Halfway through the show, Seungmin reached out and grabbed your hands, pulling them away from your face and into his lap. Without even having to be asked, you reached out with your other hand and grabbed Hyunjin’s hand so that the three of you were connected. The soundtrack picked up, a beautiful melody that had you feeling sentimental.

“I love you guys,” You whispered.

Seungmin’s lips twitched up, and Hyunjin squeezed your hand.

“I love you more,” the dancer said, leaning his body against you.

Seungmin side eyed him. “No.”

“Eh?”

He pulled you away from the older boy, pulling you half into his lap and wrapping his arms around you, effectively blocking you from Hyunjin with his own body. Said member gaped at the change in seating.

“Yah, puppy. Give them back.”

“No.”

“You little-“

The show was practically forgotten as you were suddenly caught up in another wrestling match. Thankfully, this time, nobody got anything spilled on them, although Hyunjin did once again end up on the ground with Seungmin sitting on top of him by the time the show ended. It was only then that he shot you a bashful smile, swiping his hair out of his eyes.

“I love you more.”

“No, I-!”

You surged forward, nearly tackling the singer to the ground, but he managed to catch himself on his elbows as you pressed your lips to his. While he wasn’t the one being actively silenced, Hyunjin let out a wheeze that clued you in to exactly why he had suddenly gone quiet, and you quickly lifted yourself up to check up on him. At your questioning, he gave you a weak thumbs up, curled up in a fetal position.

“Oh, I’m so sorry sweetheart.”

He would later tell you that the kiss you gave him more than made up for the pain.

-0-0-

The first time you ever ventured your way to a new part of the company building was on a very special day. At least, it was to you. It just so happened that the first person who answered your text was Felix, letting you know he was in one of the practice rooms waiting for the other members to show up for their practice. Granted, he also let you know he was half an hour early and was just goofing around while he waited, so you figured since you wanted to see the other boys as well, you might as well wait around with him. The dancer met you out in the hall, and you couldn’t help but run towards him the moment you saw him, jumping into his arms.

Felix almost didn’t catch you.

“Whoa, you’re in a good mood,” He said, pulling you into a warm hug.

You pulled away with a fake frown. “Don’t tell me you didn’t remember.”

He froze. “Oh no. Did I forget something?”

At his genuinely distressed look, you took pity on him, letting out a giggle and cluing Felix in that the situation was not that serious.

“Its okay, it’s not that big a deal,” You assured him, biting your lip. “It’s just … it’s officially been 6 months since we’ve met.”

The blonde blinked. “Oh, really? Wait, it’s already been 6 months?!”

“Half a year! Happy anniversary,” You joked.

He let out a laugh, pulling you back in.

“Happy anniversary.” He buried his face into your shoulder. “I’m so glad Innie found you.”

“Hey! I found him,” You corrected, brushing hair behind his ear. “I found all of you.”

“Hmm, you did.”

You shivered as he pressed a soft kiss to the crook of your neck, pushing him away by his shoulders with a quick look around the hallway. Thankfully, there dind’t seem to be anyone around, You gently hit him on the chest in warning.

“Careful. I’m already in the shit list of one of your managers, I don’t need to be lectured by another.”

“It’s fine. The only people who use these rooms are artists, and half of them are also in secret relationships. They won’t care.”

“That’s not the poINT!”

The end of your sentence was cut off into a squeal as Felix spun you around with a chuckle, lifting you off your feet with his hands on your thighs, pulling you in close to him until your bodies were flush. The sudden change of balance had him stumbling forward, your body hitting the wall a little too hard, and he let out a soft curse.

“Sorry.”

You giggled. “It’s okay. What has gotten into you?”

“I love you,” He said, pressing a soft kiss to your lips.

“What?”

“I-“ another kiss to your lips. “Love-“ a kiss to the corner of your mouth. “You.”

He blew a raspberry to your cheeks, and you let out a laugh, kicking your legs in glee. You wrapped your arms around his neck, soft hair tickling the tips of your fingers as you laced them together, head tilting to the side as you took in the man in front of you.

“God, you’re beautiful,” You sighed, giving him a smile.

His eyes lit up like you had just told him the meaning of life. “Yeah?”

You nodded your head, licking your lips. “Yeah. I love you so much.”

“Good. Because I don’t plan on ever letting you go.”

-0-0-

Dad Hey. Just checking in on you. How’s school going? I hope you’re having fun. Y/N School’s fine, same as always. Been seeing all kinds of places. Went hiking with two of my soulmates the other day  It was … fun. Dad I thought you liked hiking? Y/N The hiking was fine. Waking up at 5 in the morning was not. Dad Wow. They managed to get you up before 9? That’s a miracle. You must really love them. Y/N They wanted to see the sunrise. I have to admit, it was worth it. [IMG.JPG] Dad Looks beautiful. I’m glad you’re doing okay. Y/N What about you? Everything all right back home? Dad Everything’s fine. You know how your mom is. She misses you. Y/N I miss you guys too. I gtg. Love you. Dad Love you more.

-0-0-

“Here, try this.”

You looked up, startling back at the sudden appearance of a spoon in front of your face. Minho held a hand under the spoon to prevent the substance from falling, and you smiled at his thoughtfulness. You really shouldn’t have been surprised to get a spoonful of soy sauce.

“Oh, ew. That’s gross.”

Minho giggled, shirking away from the hit you aimed at his shoulder. “That’s for drinking my tea.”

“Who snitched! Was it Seungmin? I swear to god, I’m gunna kill him.”

Minho just laughed as he made his way back to the kitchen where he was preparing actual food for dinner. Deciding to take a break from your work, you stretched in your seat and let out a groan. The dorm was uncharacteristically quiet considering that at least 5 members were home.

Minho was, as previously mentioned, cooking dinner in the kitchen. Felix and Seungmin were playing a game in the elder’s room, and you were pretty sure Hyunjin was taking a nap in Jeongin’s room. You weren’t sure if the youngest was with the gaming boys or taking a nap with Hyunjin, but you were sure he was home. 3Racha had just sent a text that they were leaving the studio.

You sneaked into the kitchen, making sure Minho wasn’t currently doing anything at the stove before you wrapped your arms around him, effectively trapping his arms to his body. He paused from where he had been chopping, letting out a soft sigh.

“Gotcha,” You murmured, pressing your forehead against his back.

It wasn’t hard for him to slip an arm out of your grasp, turning around so that he could pull you into his chest. You went along willingly, letting his warmth embrace you. The two of you stayed there for a few seconds, softly breathing against each other, the kitchen filling up with the delicious aroma of whatever was starting to boil on the stove. It was only because you didn’t want the food to burn that you let him go.

“Hey, can you play some music?” He asked you.

“Sure.”

You randomized your playlist, not even embarrassed when it was a Stray Kids song that came up first. Minho smiled to himself, giving you a side glance, but you just bopped your head along and attempted the dance to the best of your abilities, even though you were sure you looked like a wiggling worm who suddenly gained a pair of legs. You were either doing better or worse than you thought because Minho actually stopped stirring to stare at you.

Suddenly you were embarrassed.

“Oh, don’t stop on my account,” He told you, turning back around.

“Somehow that doesn’t give me much confidence,” You joked.

“Pass me the carrots?”

You grabbed the recently hopped carrots, leaning up against the counter as you watched him pour them into the soup. This time, when he offered you up a spoonful, you could actually trust it wasn’t going to be a prank.

It tasted amazing. You had never expected anything less.

“Good?”

“Hmm.” You licked your lips with a nod, and his eyes darted down. You couldn’t help but smile. “Hungry?”

“Watch it,” He warned you, turning the stove off with a flick of his wrist.

“Or what?”

You pouted when all you got in turn was a tap to your nose, your playlist switching to a slower ballad. The pout disappeared as Minho grabbed one of your hands, the other pressing up against your waist and swaying you side to side. When he pulled you back and began to spin the two of you around the room, you laughed.

“You are so cheesy,” You breathed, butterflies fluttering in your stomach.

“And you’re a terrible dancer.”

You weren’t sure if he kissed you as an apology, or to keep you from complaining, but you found yourself melting against him nonetheless. You didn’t usually kiss Minho often, usually getting pecks as a hello or a goodbye, but you appreciated the slow passionate way he was kissing you now. It wasn’t until the music began to change and his hands dropped yours in favor of pulling you closer by the back of your neck that you began to wonder if this was different somehow.

You eventually had to pull yourself away to breathe. “Wow.”

“If you want, I can teach you some moves,” He whispered, and you raised your brows.

“Dance moves?”

“If you want,” He said with a smirk.

He grabbed your hand when you tried to hit him on the chest, trapping your hand between the two of you. His thumb gently swiped across your knuckles, his head tilting as he took you in. You beamed up at him.

“You’re cute,” You told him, leaning up to try and kiss him again. He tried to hide his smile, looking away from you, but his red ears gave him away. “Is this your way of telling me you love me?”

He didn’t answer, just pulled you in for another kiss. It was only a soft chime echoing from your phone that pulled the two of you apart this time, Minho patting your ass.

“Go tell the kids dinner’s ready.”

You rolled your eyes, but you couldn’t keep the smile off your face as you grabbed your phone. Your phone chimed again as you made your way down the hall, and you pulled up your messages. One text was from Jisung, letting you know that they were on their way up, but the other was from Sophie. You pulled up the chat the same time you knocked on Felix’s door.

“Dinner’s ready!” You called out to them.

Sophie. Oh my god, is this you!???

For a split second, you found yourself thinking about the photo you had seen of you and Seungmin together and wondered if she had somehow seen it.

The reality was much, much worse.

You nearly dropped your phone when you got to the images she had sent. They looked like photos taken from a security camera, which was already a shock to your system, but it was the content that had your back hitting the wall in shock.

One photo of what was clearly Felix. There was no denying that it was him. Your face was also visible in the photo, although a little grainier. The second photo, wearing the same clothing as the first photo and obviously in the same location, was a familiar scene. Your legs wrapped around his waist, pressed up against the wall, lips pressed together.

A million thoughts began to race through your head.

Sophie I can’t believe it! Why didn’t you tell me!? Girl, you are TRENDING!

There was a commotion from the entrance, and you could hear Chan calling out your name. Felix’s door opened, and he nearly ran into you. He was laughing, the youngest two yelling something at him about their game. He met your panicked eyes, and his smile immediately dropped.

Chan appeared at the end of the hall, looking as worried as you felt. “Are you okay?”

“What’s wrong?” Felix asked.

All your thoughts converged on one very simple word.

Fuck.

-0-0-

Taglist: (if you wish to be added or removed, please let me know)

@kayleefriedchicken @dessianna1 @tryingtolivelifeblog @luvvvash @purplelady85 @jc003 @thicccurls @xxeiraxx @cluelessred3 @lemonn015 @soulpheonix1618

[becausebuckley]

michelle's buddie fic recs: week 45!

what a week... i'm greatly enjoying all of the post-8x06 buddie fic (many more recs to come!) and took some time to revisit old favourites, which can be found in previous rec lists. enjoy!

this is a mix of fics with all ratings, so some include NSFW content. please take a look at both the ratings and the fic tags before reading! some might also contain spoilers for season 8.

if you come across something you like in this list, remember to show some love to the author by leaving kudos and a comment!

all that we need | not1_2write | 26.4k | M

When Buck buys a Powerball lottery ticket he doesn't think much beyond his need for change to air up his tire. He forgets all about the ticket until word spreads that the winning ticket was sold in LA and hasn't been claimed yet and pretty much dismisses it. After all, there's no way he won the lottery. Turns out no, he really did win the Powerball, to the tune of 295 million dollars and just in time for Christmas. He's going to make sure the 118 has the best Christmas of their lives. And just maybe he'll have a good one too. idk about all of you but i do dream about winning the lottery regularly (way too often for someone who's never bought a ticket, that's for sure). this is such a lovely look at what buck would do with a whole lot of money <3

i take this magnetic force of a man | playinginthunderstorms/@playinginthunderstorms | 9k | M

Turns out, he isn’t actually afraid of commitment. He’s just afraid of committing to the wrong thing, or the wrong person. Ana, obviously, had been a mistake, because he hadn’t been ready, and he’d put other people’s expectations above his own wants and needs. With Marisol, he’s done the same thing. Moved too fast, doing what he thinks is the right thing according to who? His parents? For Chris’s benefit? Again, pushing past his own comfort, discarding any doubt because it doesn’t fit like… Like Buck. blanket rec for one of my favourite authors who has been posting incredible fics lately!! this one in particular is so beautifully written and so romantic and just so very buddie <3

if i need to rearrange my particules i will for you | thelikesofus/@thelikesofus | 7.9k | GA

Eddie catches a cold and Buck takes care of him while having a minor, non-platonic emotional crisis. this is definitely influenced by the fact that i've been ill myself but wow truly nothing hits as hard as buddie taking care of each other when one of them isn't feeling well. the bed sharing in this is so good <3

let me | facewithoutheart/@facewithoutheart | 1.6k | T

Eddie doesn't think he needs romance. Buck, respectfully, disagrees. AKA the fic where Buck picks Eddie up and kisses him breathless against a wall. and buck is so right for doing that!! i love it when buck turns eddie to jello <3 so lovely!

second child, restless child | lesbianrobin/@lesbianrobin | 23k and counting| M

how Evan and Maddie make it out of Pennsylvania, and Buck and Maddie build a family. okay so listen these past few weeks i've been doing this thing where i only rec finished fics, and every time i scroll through my ao3 history for these rec lists, i come across this one and go oh i wish i could rec this already. and then i realised wait it's my rec list i can do whatever i want, and so then i did. anyway, mind the tags for this one, but wow are you in for a treat here! i love the character dynamics (chim is brilliant in this!! and maddie!!) and i'm so so excited to see the rest of this fic unfold <3

said that i was fine, said it from my coffin | justhockey/tumblr | 7.3k | T

And it doesn’t matter that he feels like he’s dying. Like the version of himself that he’s always been is suddenly a stranger to him - just a mask he’d spent his entire life hiding behind, without ever even realising he was wearing it. It doesn’t matter that Eddie is…that he’s gay. Because he knows - as surely as he knows that the sun will rise again tomorrow - that the only person he has ever, and will ever, truly love is Buck. And Buck isn’t his to love. another blanket rec for an author who's been posting incredible fics!! this one in particular has such brilliant eddie characterisation and i just devoured it the second i got that little ao3 email hehe

there's no place like home-spun | icewhisper | 4.1k | GA

Buck has spent most of his life trying to find something to settle fidgeting hands and the restless need for a home. He found the key to the latter when he was thirteen. He finds the former in a cozy home on South Bedford Street with two of his favorite people. (AKA the Buck-crochets fic that literally no one asked for.). this fic makes me want to learn how to crochet. i am the least crafty person ever and i have like minus time but just know that if two weeks from now i'm posting about yarn and crochet hooks and whatnot, it's all thanks to this fic. i love buck who crochets so very much <3

you get your dreams for free | llovely/@butchdiaz| 14.9k | T

five times buck and eddie cuddle drunk and one time they cuddle sober. buddie bed sharing my absolute favourite. i read this late at night curled up under three blankets and it hit just right <3

[hellion-child]

ok after seeing gifs and having the time to think about the episode itself some more, i have some thoughts. about how poorly it was done, abrupt, and like a slap in the face, etc. i still hate the notes of biphobia in it but also i can Forgive the biphobia if they also take the time to address the biphobia, yknow?

pls keep in mind that this is partly my interpretation, partly my fix-it/make-it-make-sense, partly my criticism. also im not a writer, im a bitch w brain damage to the communication part of their brain who refuses to shut the fuck up lmao this shit is hard for me to write out

so its the 6 month anniversary date and tommy is all in, hes exactly what we were shown him to be: fucking smitten. he gives his boyfriend an (i assume expensive gift?) (idk bball ticket prices) anniversary gift. buck doesnt have a gift for him, but like thats not the end of the world, right? its only 6 months, after all. but this moment should be the beginning of tommys insecurities. the ending of the honeymoon stage. a teeny tiny niggle of maybe buck isnt as invested in this relationship as tommy thought?

maybe thats just a fleeting insecurity that is immediately fueled by the hot chick. again, hate to lean into the biphobic stereotypes. as a bisexual, fucking hate it. buck unconsciously going to use his phone to take the picture and hot chicks "trying to get my number" comment. the way buck doesnt just say "actually im here with my boyfriend" (and buck doesnt have to say it, he can come out to who he wants to, when he wants to, when hes comfortable to. im firm on this but i can also acknowledge that it can also feed into tommys insecurities) this shouldve been when tommys insecurities start coming in and they shouldve shown it. show us the way tommy might use his cool confidence as a mask to hide his vulnerability!!

instead of bringing up abby now, let tommy sit on this feeling. hell, show us that hes feeling this way and hates it. we know hes all for clear communication, and has come a long way with himself. hes confident and comfortable. so show us him struggling with feeling insecure about buck possibly not being as invested as he is. eg with the one sided-gifting, tommy always showing up for buck and we havent been shown buck reciprocating (which means fuck-all with this show but could be used rn to further the angst), the reminder buck is new to dating men etc

they couldve shown us tommy talking to hen or chim about feeling insecure about bucks baby bi status and "being his first but not his last" and hating that he feels that way. that hes doubting buck like this. they gave us this man who worked hard to be where he is, why couldnt they take one fucking scene to show this to us?? its pretty common, actually, for a LI to talk to one of the 118 without the LIs partner being there. but not this LI? ok.

and bcos of how shitty tommy feels about it all, that is why he, uncharacteristically, does not talk about it with buck. tommy is still processing this internally and isnt comfortable bringing it up to buck. but we know buck, hes good at picking up on when something is wrong. maybe he asks and tommy brushes it off. maybe buck says nothing yet and just feels a little, wrong-footed maybe? a little insecure himself? something he has been working on in himself for a long time now and doesnt want to put on tommy.

and that leads to the abby of it all. for the bare minimum of fucking continuities sake, they were never engaged lmao just together a long time during a difficult time for both of them (tommy closeted and abby w her mothers decline) maybe they were talking marriage. i wanted this to come up in another scene (maybe even another ep). i think it makes more sense, for buck to straight up say in this conversation that yeah, he is The Himbo.

tbh, play into the absurdity of it all, classic 911 style. like, this convo happens when one is heading to work or something?? so the only time they have is to think "huh, what are the odds??" and awkwardly laugh about it. set it up that they dont have the chance to really think about the implications until later, when theyre apart.

later comes. and now, they are both spiralling. theyre both feeling insecure in their relationship, for different- and unknown to the other!!- reasons. this is when miscommunication takes over and both parties are hurt and confused and brings them to the point of being unable to have that mature, adult conversation about their issues

buck still goes to maddie, and josh still gives his lovely speech. now bucks feeling better about tommys past (also when maddie makes her "turned them gay" comment buck corrects her and fucking says hes bisexual) wouldve been great to see tommy talk to someone too, about him and abby and abby and buck. also fill in some of them plot holes while they are at it lmao

tommy talking to bobby, preferably. bcos he wasnt Captain Dad when tommy was there, they were never close. and they mention how tommy only referred to abby as "his gf" and she never had the time or interest to meet the 118 or visit the station idk and tommy didnt push for it either. give their relationship some nuance and clarity i guess!! and back up joshs great speech with some of how tommy felt back in those days! really take the time to fill all of this out, yknow?? and maybe talking with bobby about their shared past helps tommy feel a bit more secure with buck right now and ready to talk about it with him.

and now we get to the break up. now that these cracks are shown and seemingly repaired. they both try to talk about their insecurities, but it just goes wrong. buck spooks tommy with the moving in and marriage talk, tommy hurts buck with the "im ur first not ur last."

except this time tommy isnt saying it like a its a fact, instead he says that he fears that hes bucks first but not last. but buck takes that badly (understandable), like tommy hasnt been as invested in this relationship since he apparently has been waiting to break up for 6 months? and if so then why act like he was all in? etcetc

and tommy, yeah tommy has some shit to work thru still, but its also the way buck is talking of moving in and marriage and forever, his impulsiveness has tommy questioning again if they are really on the same page here. i can see tommy getting stuck on the "move in with me" bcos why would tommy leave his larger home to move into bucks loft? has buck even thought about this at all? hell, while they discuss abby, u could have buck, in an attempt to reconnect and reassure his trust in tommy, talk about mistakes hes made with exes (obvi example, what happened with taylor). and instead of reassuring tommy, it does the opposite (tbh im not a big fan of that, bringing up bucks past mistakes. but also it kinda does balance out tommys treatment of abby and continue bucktommys tit-for-tat sharing, yknow? except this time it goes wrong)

basically, theyre both trying to communicate and work thru these insecurities, these fucking hurdles, but theyre both too hurt and scared in this moment and we are watching them both try to make sense of it all and work it out, and we know they both want to but in this moment they just, cant. emotions are high and it gets a little mean (from both sides! not just tommy saying "i was never ur last", let buck do more than just be broken up with), the break up happens, tommy leaves.

(and then they cry and pine and get angry and try to move on and they cant and then somethings brings them back together (CTH!! 🚁💥🏥) and now they are in a better place to communicate and work thru these issues and kiss and make up and maybe at some point during all this theres a discussion or two about biphobia)

thanks fer reading this fukcing novel lmao i just feel that, if they had taken the fucking time to let this storyline fucking breath (god, let any of them breath this season, fuck) and put some fucking effort into it, i would not be so upset. maybe they had intended to portray some of this in that episode, if so they did it fucking terribly

anyway. again, im not very good at this but i love talking about and reading other ppls thoughts!! if someone feels they could write something more coherently, god. pls do lmao (also pls tell me if theres a typo or word or sentence that just makes no sense, i triple checked but aphasia is a cunt lmao)

[neuroticbookworm]

Love in the Big City Part 3: Go Yeong and Gyu-ho

Last week I talked about Go Yeong’s relationship with his Umma and concluded the piece with a declaration of hope that someday, he learns to love the people in his life differently than the love he received from his Umma. Which begs the question: how exactly does one learn to love, if the framework they were presented with in their childhood turns out to be flawed, or even downright destructive?

@twig-tea has already gone over the dynamics of Go Yeong and Gyu-ho’s relationship in her excellent post. She talks about the irritants, the mundanity, the way they both clearly want the best for each other, even when they’re fighting. And @lurkingshan mentioned how the show’s depiction of Yeong and Gyu-ho’s relationship felt so real, something we rarely see on television. I’ve always been a sucker for narratives that explore the difficulties faced by a couple after they get together, so reading and watching this section of the story was a treat for me.

I want to bring attention to a moment from the show that stuck with me for days after: the scene where Go Yeong types “Unlike our dramatic start, our relationship turned out to be average, even dull” as Gyu-ho puts fresh water bottles into the refrigerator. Gyu-ho gets up, silently looks at Go Yeong for a moment, turns off the light and goes to bed.

This hit me way harder than I thought it would, because we just *saw* what Go Yeong was typing, and we saw that Gyu-ho could see his screen. It felt so representative of their relationship; Go Yeong dissecting it with his pen as Gyu-ho is waiting for him, right there, to talk to him. Alexa, play right where you left me by Taylor Swift *fetches a bottle of wine to pair with the despair*

The hardest part of watching this relationship come to an abrupt end was that we could clearly see the both of them trying. I love that we saw Yeong ask T-aras for advice after his fight with Gyu-ho at the cafe. Going to your friends for help when you don’t know where you’re fucking up in a relationship is a great idea, and I’m happy that the show created this detail. When Yeong was pissed off about their laundry becoming smelly on the drying rack, Gyu-ho found a way to solve the problem, by drying their clothes at a laundromat.

I wanna talk more about Gyu-ho because he was one of the most earnest characters I’ve encountered in fiction. In the book, we only see him from Young’s narrative perspective. I love his depiction in the show because it decouples him from Young’s lens and forces us to engage with their conflicts without Young’s voice in our head. Gyu-ho pursues Yeong after their chaotic meeting at the bar. He does not jump into bed with Yeong immediately, but also openly expresses his desire when he reminds Yeong that they are on their third date. He does not hesitate to take space in Yeong’s life, barging in to fix his curtains, dragging him out from bed for a morning walk. When Yeong tells him about Kylie, he hugs him close and cries. And then chides him for being so cavalier about it (I love him so much, can y’all tell?). When they’re living together and bickering about chores and the minutiae of life, he does not become mean about it. He makes conscious efforts to spend time together, before and during their cohabitation. He stands his ground in a fight, but also reaches out for truce after the fight runs out of steam.

[If it feels like I am putting down Yeong and his behaviors when talking about Gyu-ho, I am not. These characters are complex and real, and therefore flawed. I am simply focusing on Gyu-ho in this post because @lurkingshan already wrote a defense for my boy Yeong.]

Gyu-ho understands early on in their relationship that Yeong is not comfortable communicating his fears, pain and shame, and that he masks them with aloofness. @wen-kexing-apologist wrote about how Gyu-ho turns away when Yeong smiles at him from across the aisle when they are traveling to the airport. He sees it for what it is, a refusal to be vulnerable with him. And that’s the moment I saw where they failed in their relationship.

I think we learn to love by loving, or at the very least, trying to love another person. Trial and error. Go Yeong was more vulnerable with Gyu-ho than he had been with any of his previous partners, and yet he couldn’t let him in enough to share the reason why he could not travel to China. He couldn’t see himself worthy of comparison with Gyu-ho’s potential career and financial growth from his stint in Shanghai. And Gyu-ho felt this distance from Yeong and chose to not push him on it. He bared his heart to Yeong, but did not possess the strength to force his way in whenever Yeong put up a wall. This problem was too big for both Yeong and Gyu-ho to solve individually, and they did not learn to problem-solve together in this relationship. Gyu-ho could not find a laundromat to solve this one, so he chose to walk away.

[daryltwdixon]

The Promise of Us: Chapter 55

remember when I said I was writing something cute and fluffy :') this has part of it, next chapter has more

Walking the path back to the church, their dollies loaded with food and supplies, Daryl keeps his head down, lost in the swirling maze of thoughts that circle around Y/N. His mind is a whirlwind, but it’s the kind that settles something inside him, something he’s been feeling for longer than he’s ever had the courage to admit. The connection he has with her—it’s stronger than anything he’s ever known. Through every nightmare, every mile of blood-soaked ground, it’s only ever been her. He knows it, always did, really. But it's clear as day now.

The church looms ahead, offering a kind of safety they haven’t known in a while, but the tension within the group digs into him. He thinks of his closest friend–Carol. She’s been quiet, too quiet, and whatever happened out there with her, the girls, and Tyreese—it’s marked her, left her with that haunted look he catches every now and then. He’s been in that darkness before and he can tell she’s carrying something heavy, but he doesn’t push. He supposes they’re all carrying something now.

And then there’s Gabriel. The priest’s polite smiles and darting eyes grate on him, as if the man's whole being is wrapped in something he’s too afraid to face. There’s a jitteriness to him, a lurking guilt that only deepens Daryl’s distrust. He’s seen men haunted by the things they’ve done, but Gabriel’s guarded eyes, clutching his Bible like it might save him—it all feels like a mask hiding something he’s not ready to let anyone see.

But it’s Y/N who fills his thoughts, rising above the noise, her face, her voice pulling him in like a lifeline. He doesn’t know when it happened, maybe even before the world went to hell, but the thought of a world without her is one he can’t bear. Hell, he’d already tried that—already felt what it was like to think she was gone, that she’d disappeared along with everything else after the prison. And the guilt that settled in after...those days with Beth, thinking he might find something in someone else’s company, feels like a faint shadow now. She had been a flicker of light in the dark, but nothing—nothing—like what he has with Y/N.

For a moment, he pictures her beside him not just in these ruins, not just surviving day to day, but something different, something that isn’t about waiting or putting things off like the world they left behind. He wants that with her, whatever “that” means out here. She’s been a part of him longer than he’d even known, and all he wants now is to make sure she knows it, to find a way to make it real, even if he can’t find the words yet.

Rick watches him, raising a brow as Daryl fidgets with something in his hand. “You good?” Rick’s voice is careful, a touch of something familiar. "Whatcha got there?”

Daryl’s head snaps up, his grip relaxing just slightly as he opens his hand, giving Rick a glimpse of what he’s been holding tight. Rick’s gaze drops, surprise flickering in his eyes, quickly replaced by something else—a glimmer of warmth, something Daryl hasn’t seen in a long time.

Rick’s mouth edges up, a small, genuine smile, and he glances back at the path ahead.

“What?” Daryl asks, maybe a little too defensively, his own heart hammering at the question.

Rick chuckles quietly, his tone lowering, almost as if he’s talking more to himself than anyone else. “Just happy for ya. We all need somethin’ good.” He pauses, his voice softer, “She needs somethin’ good.”

The words hit Daryl hard, settling deep in his chest. He feels the weight of what he’s holding, a quiet promise he’s not sure how to share, but one he’ll keep close for her.

❥・・❥・・❥・・❥・・❥・・❥・・❥・・❥・・❥

You

The low hum of voices and soft laughter fills the room as everyone settles into the warmth the church walls provide. Contentment settles over you as you lean back against the pew, watching Glenn eagerly reach for seconds and Maggie nudge him, laughing softly. You glance over at Daryl, the warm candlelight flickering over his face, casting shadows along his cheekbones. He’s licking his lips, catching a hint of sauce on his mouth, and there’s a crinkle at the corners of his eyes as he glances at you, something knowing and soft there that feels like it was always meant just for you. From your quiet corner, both of you sit apart from the others, content to watch them for a while. There’s a warmth in the air, a sense of safety none of you have felt in a long time, and the satisfaction of full bellies—something you know many of you have been missing for far too long.

“Thank you,” you murmur quietly, looking over at Daryl beside you, “for going out there for all of this.”

“Wasn’t just me,” he gruffs, eyes dropping to his hands. He licks the remnants of food from his fingers, and you can’t help but watch the way his lips purse around each one, how the candlelight makes his skin look almost golden. He catches you looking, smirking slightly. “Surprised you kept your promise fer once,” he teases, voice low, barely above a mumble.

“Oh, yeah? Wha’s that supposed to mean?” You lean into him, your voice light and challenging.

“Actually stayed put when ya said ya would,” he teases back, leaning closer. He’s relaxed, in his own Daryl way, but there’s a glint in his eyes that tugs at something deep inside you. You roll your eyes and set your plate down, pulling your legs up close, hugging them to your chest as you turn to him. His gaze meets yours, holding it for a beat longer than usual. There’s an energy in the air, something tender and open between you, pulling you closer until you’re so near, you can feel the warmth of his breath.

You reach over, fingers just brushing his cheek before he leans into it. It feels like gravity pulling you together, and before either of you can think twice, his lips are on yours, soft and tentative. You have had enough of pretending like you didn’t want to spend every waking moment savoring him, being this close after what you’d been through. There’s a sweetness to his kiss, a hint of shyness, like he’s still testing how close he can let himself get, even now. But he lets his hand come up, fingers curling around the back of your neck, drawing you in deeper. His thumb brushes along your jaw, and the softness of his touch nearly breaks you, making you feel like the world around you has fallen away. 

When he pulls back, his cheeks are tinged pink, eyes flickering down briefly before he clears his throat, almost like he’s caught off guard by his own feelings. He’s close, still leaning in, the hand on the back of your neck now wrapping around your own fingers. His free hand fumbles in his pocket before he produces something, shaking just slightly. He opens his palm to reveal a simple, thin gold band, the light catching on its smooth surface.

“Found it…” he starts, voice rough, “at the food bank. Damn walker had it on, but I thought…it just…looked like somethin’ that would suit ya.”

You can see the awkwardness creeping over him, his eyes shifting away, his thumb rubbing the side of the ring as if he’s trying to gather the words together in his mind. His gaze flickers back to yours, and he shifts, seeming to struggle to stay still under the weight of what he wants to say.

“Ain't much for sayin’ stuff like this, you know that, but…” He swallows, his eyes catching yours with a rare softness, “All that time apart, every second…it felt like I was losin’ my mind, like I was losin’ somethin’ I didn’t know how to name. Hell, you’re the only damn thing that’s ever made sense, really.”

He looks down at the ring, then back at you, the vulnerability in his gaze almost breaking your heart. “I don’t ever wanna be apart from ya again, ya hear? Been wantin’ this—whatever this is, been wantin’ it since the start, I just didn’t get it back then. You were always…” he pauses, his thumb brushing your hand, “center of it all. Since we were kids. Hell, even through that mess with Shane. You were it, even then. Just took me a while to figure out what was goin’ on up here,” he mutters, tapping the side of his head. “You’re the center of everythin’ for me, always have been.”

He clears his throat, swallowing hard as he lifts the ring between you both. “So…you think maybe…maybe you’d wanna…be mine? Be my... my wife?” His voice is barely more than a whisper, his gaze full of hope and the slightest tremor of fear.

The quiet intimacy of the room melts away everything else around you, leaving just the soft glow of the candles and the feeling of Daryl’s hand wrapped around yours. His words hang in the air, filling the silence with something both fragile and heavy. You can feel your heart pounding, every beat echoing his words back at you as his thumb gently rubs over your knuckles. His voice is so raw, so open—more vulnerable than you’ve ever heard it. The look in his eyes reaches deep inside you, stirring a warmth that feels both achingly familiar and yet entirely new.

Without even realizing it, you reach up again, brushing your fingers along the rough edge of his jaw, your touch tender and careful. Your hand trembles as you move it, and you feel a faint, almost giddy smile tugging at your lips as you try to steady yourself. He watches you, waiting, his gaze full of nervousness and hope, and you feel your chest tighten again at the vulnerability you see in him.

You glance down at the ring, touching it lightly, letting your fingers brush over his palm as you look back up at him, heart racing. “You don’t even know,” you whisper, voice thick with emotion, and you let out a shaky laugh, glancing down as you blink back the tears that blur your vision. “From the very start, Daryl. Since we were kids, then even when we didn’t talk, when things got…messy. You were there, always a part of me,” You pause, the memories rushing through your mind. “I think, even then, you were already everything to me. But I was too scared to understand it.”

You swallow, the words tumbling out in a rush, like they’ve been waiting all this time to find their way to him. “Through everything—losing people, the farm, Shane, and then when I thought I’d lost you for good when the prison fell and I…” Your voice breaks, and you can’t bring yourself to finish the thought. The memory of that emptiness, of thinking he was gone forever, sits like a weight in your chest, and a tear slips down your cheek. You squeeze his hand, grounding yourself in his warmth.

“I don’t want to go through this world without you. I can’t. I won't.” Your voice is barely more than a murmur, your thumb brushing along his knuckles as your other hand cups his face, feeling the rough stubble beneath your fingertips. “You’re it for me, Daryl… the center of my everything too. I don’t know if I’ve ever been sure of anything, but I’ve always been sure of you.”

A quiet, overwhelming joy rises in you, mixed with all the love you’d never put into words until now. “Yes, Daryl… yes, of course, yes,” you whisper, and you feel his hand tighten around yours, steadying you. You let out a breathless laugh, one hand still resting against his cheek as you watch his face, seeing a softness in his eyes that he rarely lets anyone see.

He lets out a small, almost relieved breath, his gaze fixed on you like he’s afraid this moment might slip away. You lean forward, meeting his lips in a kiss that holds everything—every unspoken promise, every moment you’ve shared, every piece of your heart that’s been his all along. It’s soft, warm, a kind of love you feel down to your bones.

When you finally pull back, your forehead rests against his, and his fingers, a little shaky, slide the ring onto your finger. It’s a simple, worn band, but in his hands, it’s perfect, and you can’t help but smile, feeling more whole than you have in a long, long time.

Just as you’re catching your breath, feeling the warmth of Daryl’s hand in yours, a loud whoop cuts through the soft murmurs in the room. You turn, startled, to see Rick grinning wide, hands clapped together as he lets out a hearty, joyful cheer. The rest of the group catches on, and suddenly, laughter and clapping fill the room. Faces light up with smiles, everyone cheering, and you can’t help but feel the blush spread hot across your cheeks. Daryl grunts beside you, scratching the back of his neck, his usual awkward discomfort more obvious than ever.

From somewhere in the crowd, Glenn hollers, “Hey, Father Gabriel, think you can ordain a wedding on the fly?” He’s laughing, but Maggie’s already in front of you, pulling you both up from the pew, her face bright with excitement.

“Oh, c’mon! Let’s make it official!” she says, guiding you both toward the front, and Daryl shoots you a helpless look that makes you laugh even more.

As Father Gabriel steps up, he clears his throat, looking as surprised as he is pleased. You and Daryl share a look—half-embarrassed, half-disbelieving—as Gabriel begins reciting some heartfelt words, ones you can barely hear over the pounding of your heart and the laughter echoing around the room.

"By the power invested in me," Gabriel announces, with a solemnity that almost makes the whole thing seem real, "I now pronounce you husband and wife."

The room erupts into louder cheers, and you look up at Daryl, grinning. He stares back at you with that same look of wonder, that softness, before his hand slips to the back of your neck and pulls you close for another kiss, sealing the moment as husband and wife. The cheers get louder--as loud as this world would allow without inviting any unwanted guests--and you’re both laughing, happiness bubbling up in you so overwhelming it almost hurts.

But before you can get too caught up in it, Daryl pulls back, shaking his head, his face flushed as he turns to the group. “Alright, enough’a this!” he grunts with a playful glare. He scoops you up into his arms, catching you off guard, and everyone smiles as he turns, heading for the back office. “Gotta get away from you people! Ain’t nothin’ private ‘round here,” he calls over his shoulder, a gruff smile breaking through.

With everyone still laughing and cheering behind you, Daryl carries you out of the room, his face softening as he glances down at you, something quiet and tender in his eyes. It’s a moment that feels like yours alone, and for once, everything feels right. You’re finally his, and he’s finally yours.

[lasandra]

Super Massive End Game Veilguard Spoilers Under the Cut!

Seriously. If you haven't finished playing Veilguard, DO. NOT. READ. So I finished DA:tV and I have been really trying to sort out my thoughts... And well...

Sdlkajshdfklajhsdfklajhsdflkjahsdklfjhaskldfjhaskldfhj I CAN'T!!! My dudes I am SO conflicted!!! Solas is the only character I have ever come across that I both love to pieces and want the best for him but I also want to beat him until he is a puddle of bruised yolk and cracked shells. This dude KILLED VARRIC FOR REALSIES! I am not okay with that. My Hawke's GOING to hunt him down when she finds out. If the Tevinter Magisters can get into the Black City then dammit so can she. And when she does, I am not sure even Lavellan can save him. Amelia (My Hawke) has lost so many of her friends/family/loved ones she can't handle this anymore. He also killed God's gift to elves Felassan. It's been over a decade since I read The Masked Empire but I don't remember there being a great reason other than him being upset that Felassan failed. Dude has GOT to stop killing his friends lol. Especially the hot ones. Like. Come on. As if that wasn't enough, he manipulated Rook. I love my first Rook (Carwyn de Riva) so much that I am STRUGGLING to play another playthrough with any of the other Rooks I had planned. To see that he manipulated her with blood magic... Stopped her from being able to mourn Varric with the others properly.... AND tricked her into that prison??? He didn't think she'd be able to get out. Luckily she had plot armor because if she hadn't gotten out I would find a way into Thedas to rip him apart myself. *Aggressive breathing noises* I feel very normal about this, obviously. Seriously though, guys, I came THIIIIIIIS close to tricking him with the fake dagger even knowing that Lanaya (my Lavellan) wouldn't have gotten her happy ending. JUST so I could see the LOOK on his face when he realized ROOK outplayed him at his own game! At the SAME time however... The idea of sending him into the Black City alone... hurts me lol! I don't want him to suffer. Dude has suffered a lot and honestly, I'm not entirely sure his being a friend-murdering ass is *entirely his fault... The longer I sit with everything, the more certain I am that Solas didn't really have a choice. Seems very much like he was sort of bound to the will of Mythal. Maybe I've missed something, I'm not as lore-savvy as I once was. But in the end when Mythal tells Solas that she releases him from her service and only THEN (NOT when Lavellan BEGS him to stop) is he willing to do the right thing? I don't know. It just reminded me SO much of his personal quest in Inquisition where his Wisdom Spirit friend had been bound and twisted against its purpose. If it works anything like what we saw in Inquisition with whoever drank from the Well of Sorrows, who's to say when something was him vs the will of Mythal? It could be a bit of a stretch but, there's certainly room for that interpretation, I think. And if that's the case, then he doesn't deserve the hell that awaits him. It's also the only interpretation I can really accept Lanaya still wanting to be with him. Varric was her friend too. While forgiveness is something I give freely, I cannot imagine reconciling with a man who did what Solas did without him having been essentially forced into doing it. *Sighs deeply* I saw the different versions of his endgame images... Shit man. The only way this man gets a happy ending is with Lavellan. Dude looks so miserable and gloomy in all the other endings. Moire (Trevelyan) was Solas' friend. She wouldn't want to send him off to be alone in such a terrible place. That would seriously eat at her. (Rook wouldn't care. Her give a damn was busted after he betrayed her for the twenty-billionth time.) It can never be anything but a complete and utter rollercoaster with this man! I do think that the ending I got with him was as good as it possibly could have been though, given everything. Sorry for this really poorly written rant. I needed to get this out of my system and it's almost 3am lol.

[popjunkie42]

Hungry Thirsty Roots - Chapter 2

Read on AO3

Chapter Two:

“We must not look at goblin men, We must not buy their fruits: Who knows upon what soil they fed Their hungry thirsty roots?”

Christina Rosetti Goblin Market

Feyre faces the consequences of her poorly-worded wish as she returns to a mate enchanted to give her all of her desires.

Tags: just so much smut, mild magical dubcon, UTM stuff, light bondage

Thank you to my loves @climbthemountain2020 and @witch-and-her-witcher for the beta read!

I don't know, I just wrote you so many words of smut. I also don't want to let go of October. Don't look too closely at the plot or anything here. Please enjoy!

Read on AO3 and a snippet under the cut:

Feyre’s bare feet knocked uselessly against the wall, her hands pinned above her, firm pressure on her neck robbing her lungs of air.

In the darkness, all she could see was the flash of violet eyes, the bright glint of teeth.

Just as quickly as it came, the magic grip released around her neck and she coughed, still dangled off the wall, the tang of magic in the air.

“Rhys - what -”

“I believe I asked you a question, human.”

The High Lord hovered in the sharp silver light of the moon. His eyes - his eyes were swallowed up with deep swirling violet, not stars but whole galaxies rippling in them, undulating like waves on the sea. Not a black pupil in sight.

Feyre froze.

She could still feel the path the peach pit took down her throat, thick and rugged.

I wish for one night with my mate where things are back as they were, in the beginning between us.

Breaths came out of her in heavy pants. In the beginning between us. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Before she could sift through the enchantment at work on her mate, the cool tickle of smoky midnight tendrils caressed her bruised throat again. A reminder, laced with threat.

Sometimes she forgot what he had been like Under the Mountain. Something sickly churned in her stomach and she wondered if the enchantment would end if she threw the whole pit up.

“It isn’t wise to keep a High Lord waiting, darling. Or do you simply have no good explanation, and are attempting to save a shred of your dignity?”

Feyre blinked, the oxygen finally flooding back into her brain.

She had forgotten this too - how he could be such an insufferable ass.

Dressed as casually as he was, with a fine embroidered dressing robe over his bare chest and soft sleep pants, one might think he would be slightly less menacing. But even as his bare feet sunk into the carpet of their bedroom, Feyre couldn’t help the chills that erupted over her flesh. He cocked his head, all observant predator, and desire started to grow unbidden, a heat deep in her gut.

Surprising, and annoying, that he could always affect her so. Even this vulnerable to him - her body exposed for the taking.

Or perhaps because of it?

He clicked his tongue, disappointed. “So, I’ve caught the stubborn, vicious human girl sticking her pretty nose somewhere it doesn’t belong. The guards once told you I’d pull your skin from your body, strip by strip. A little messy for me, truth be told. Tell me Feyre, how would you like to be punished for invading a High Lord’s room without an invitation?”

The chill of fear turned into the crackling fire of anger - sparks that started to catch in her chest.

The joints of her shoulders burned, blood rushed from her fingertips, but she readjusted to straighten her body, lifted her chin.

First she was going to deal with her mate, and then she was going to hunt Mother Enfys down and repay her hospitality in kind.

His mind was trapped in an earlier time - her mate and his mask Under the Mountain. But it was fine. She knew him there, as well.

“I’m not afraid of you, Rhysand.”

He stopped his pacing, facing her fully. Dark features highlighted in the moonlight, haughty and beautiful.

“Stubborn, vicious…and foolish too.”

Feyre bared her teeth. Leave it to her mate to make her want to slap him and eat him whole.

And he stood so far away she couldn’t even feel the heat of his body, could barely catch his scent.

Unacceptable.

“Is part of my punishment being tied up and forced to listen to you talk to yourself?” Feyre asked.

The High Lord quirked an impatient eyebrow, flicked a piece of lint off of his shoulder.

She wanted him so much, annoyed as she was, it made her feel light headed again. The lack of his touch - his careful distance - was primed to drive her mad. Combined with the insistent thrum of the mating bond in her chest, to protect, protect - any distance from him was somewhat unbearable. And any panic and fear were eaten up into something else, stoked inside her belly - a thrill, a need, to break through his walls.

What do you dream of? Mother Enfys had asked.

“You haven’t answered my question yet, of what you’re doing here. And dressed so deliciously.”

A little scoff escaped her mouth. He might be enchanted, but he was still her mate.

Her eyes roamed over his form as he regarded her, haughty and bored. Besides the enchantment in his eyes, he seemed…fine. Body whole and unharmed, at least. Personality matched to his dark mask.

But would he remember this in the morning? Would he be angry with her? If the roles were reversed, would he have locked her in a closet, kept safe and alone until morning broke the enchantment cast over them both?

Guilt welled up under her racing mind, under her desire. This was her fault, her foolish bargain.

Feyre took a breath, trying to calm her thoughts.

Whatever might happen, he was hers and she was his. He could trust her, always. She wouldn’t let any harm befall him.

And maybe, just maybe, he could be convinced to let something like this go, in light of his past transgressions.

He stared at her, still waiting for an answer, his annoyed menace filling the room like smoke.

“What if I’m here for you?” Feyre spoke aloud into the cold.

Rhysand smiled, incisors flashed. “Now you want me to believe you enjoy my company? Tell the truth now. I can read your mind, you know.”

She licked her lips, plotting, weighing what she knew of her mate - “You’ll laugh.”

“The alternative is you’re punished for lying.”

“Oh.”

Feyre wondered if he had noticed her scent changing, the way she watched his powerful thighs as he paced. The way her mouth was parted, tasting the air for his scent.

Speak your desire, and it will be fulfilled.

She breathed deeply, wet her lips. Spoke, voice a quiet whisper:

“How would you punish me?”

Rhysand went still.

The air between them charged, like crackling lightning. She shivered, muscles taut.

Ribbons of darkness slowly unfurled against her skin as she was released, and she dropped her arms with a sigh, blood rushing back to her fingertips.

Frowning, the High Lord strode towards her. A voice in her whispered: finally.

He towered over her, standing above her like a looming shadow.

Feyre let herself feel the thrill of fear again. If this was her role, then she would play it, and well - the human plaything of the dark High Lord.

“What are you scheming, Feyre?” he asked, his voice low between them. “You know how dangerous it is when you get silly ideas in your head.”

Prick prick prick. “I think they’ve gotten me this far.”

He snorted, very un-High Lord-like. “Not without ample amounts of my assistance, if you’ll recall.”

Oh, he was infuriating, and oh, how she loved him. Warmth spread in her chest as she remembered his assistance. The knife’s edge they walked underground. The way he loved her, even now…how even now he was protecting her. Even from himself.

Feyre didn’t know how much he remembered, perceived about their changed circumstances under the enchantment. Perhaps she was glamoured in his eyes - rounded ears, shorter limbs, that hungry, fierce human look. But she would play her part - and she thought she could lead him to what they both wanted.

“Why did you come to my room, Feyre?”

She was silent a moment, and she pressed her wrists together in front of her, as if she longed to be bound again. “I got lost looking for the kitchens,” she lied.

He stepped closer, his breath brushing her hair. “Stop playing games. You’re terrible at them.”

In her mind, Feyre carved out a small room, right at the surface, for him. Filled it with her feelings, her desires, her needs. Shielding over all the memories, her amusement, her plots barreling towards seduction.

“I’m not playing games.” Wasn’t she? What might one call a drunken bargain in a magic market, a fumbling and inelegant wish spoken into the air? If not a game then a foolish mistake - but one she had to see through to the end now.

She had to be bold - be brave. “I wanted -” the faltering of her voice was not an act. “Just one night. Just for one night, I want you to help me feel something different. Something…” she stuttered, grown shy again, missing the words to what she wanted. Rhys’s jaw was clenched tight in front of her. She tried to capture her feelings, send them down the bond.

Something to banish away the memories of Under the Mountain, of her bleeding to death in a bed. But also something controlled, something that might be frightening but where her life wouldn’t be at risk…flesh she would trust under his hands.

Rhysand’s eyes flickered back and forth across her face, unsettling under the enchantment. “You believe you can trust me enough for that?”

“Can I?”

His eyes shuttered. Then closed.

“You’re a fool to trust anyone down here, any of us at all,” he said, his voice quiet, opening his eyes again to see her face.

“No, I’m not. Not with you.”

He was so close to her now, his scent in her nose. The darkness poured from him like water.

Feyre leaned up on her toes to kiss him, but he twisted his face away from her. Still uncertain.

“Please,” she whispered against his cheek. That hammering need inside of her roared to life, overcome with wanting him - his skin, his heat, his body - as much as air, as water.

He growled, and for a moment she was afraid he was angry. He swooped down so his teeth were next to her neck, her pulse thrumming in her veins.

His breath was warm and wet on her skin, and she shivered.

“I like it when you beg.”

Feyre couldn’t help her grin.

“I know.”

Halting, testing, Rhys placed a gentle kiss on her hammering pulse, his tongue flicking out to taste her skin, and she whimpered.

She could feel his smile against the skin of her neck, the pleased hum from his chest.

“Now darling, how do you think a High Lord should punish you for lying?”

[parafic]

Mostly it's that I've been reading and absorbing fandom personalities for them (Izuna dramatic and showy, Hikaku The Sane One) for... however many years, and I'm trying to do something a bit different with their personalities, but those standard ones are still ingrained.

So for Izuna, what caught my attention is that apparently he's described in the data book as something that gets translated as 'peace-loving' or 'harmonious' (and probably other things, but those are the ones I've seen). Which is kind of a contrast to the very little we see of him, in which he seems very eager to fight and distrusting of peace.

It could just be that he's in favor of peace generally, but distrusts the Senju specifically and we just don't see his opinion on peace otherwise. But I think, combined with how Madara and the Uchiha fell apart without him, it's also reasonable (and to me, more interesting) to interpret that as a reference to someone who values/is a source of interpersonal harmony. Izuna is the one who notices and redirects a conversation before an argument starts, soothes ruffled feathers, listens to peoples' concerns and persuades them to give Madara's latest strategy a try, finds an excuse to have a celebration when people need to be cheered up, notices if a clan member is being excluded and figures out what's up and how to fix it. He keeps morale up and everyone working together.

But the flip side of that is someone who's really conflict averse (emotionally speaking), and to do all that effectively for a whole clan, he's constantly putting on different personas. So like, that common characterization where he's dramatic and demanding might be how he acts around Madara, because Madara likes having a baby brother, but he doesn't do it around anyone else. And he'll have a bunch of other different ways of acting for when he's around younger shinobi, older shinobi, various groups of elders, kids, parents, etc, based on what they expect of him/like him to be. (Everyone does this to an extent, but I'm thinking Izuna does it a lot more than most.)

And at the same time, when things upset him, he's likely to let them go because he doesn't want to start an argument, people would be upset if he asked them to stop, etc, and if he just ignores it then nobody's upset so no harm done, right? So the end result is an Izuna who's barely (if at all) more aware of his own emotions than Tobirama is, he just has a very different mask.

So from a writing perspective, that is a complicated character to write anyway, and it overlaps enough with the popular characterization I see that sometimes I'm not entirely sure which I'm writing. Also this is a weird and extreme situation that Izuna has no preestablished way of acting for, so in-story he's struggling to figure out how to act to begin with. So it's a lot to balance, basically.

Hikaku is a little simpler! The way I'm characterizing Izuna overlaps some with Hikaku's usual only sane man/The One Who Gets Things Done role, so I want to give Hikaku some other traits so that he doesn't feel redundant. I also think he deserves to get to be Uchiha dramatic sometimes too, but I don't want to just give him a copy of Madara's/Izuna's/Sasuke's usual personality.

So I'm aiming for him being quieter than they are, but without just being calm, and more willing to argue and criticize (or just snark) than Izuna usually will be. But he's also starting out in an extreme situation that has him very off kilter emotionally, so he wouldn't be acting exactly like himself anyway, so I'm trying to figure out like, his baseline personality, and also how that's going to be affected by what's going on at the same time, so it's kind of doing two steps at once. (And is part of why I've been using his POV so much; it helps me work all that out when I can just write out all his thoughts as I go.)

Honestly the tunnel visioning is probably most of what ADHD Tobirama will mean for this fic; it's more that I just looked at how I usually characterize him and went 'yeah that sounds like ADHD'. Though Hikaku mentioning that Tobirama is "even rapidly bouncing his heel against the floor the way he seems to do when deep in concentration" is a bit more deliberate reference to Tobirama showing ADHD symptoms (since fidget toys are not exactly abundant in this setting, and he'd probably consider them too undignified to use himself anyway).

The sensing bloodline limit is all me! One of those headcanons that technically kind of contradicts canon a little but like. I prefer it. (Though @domoz is using a variant in the Hanahaki-adjacent AU!)

Basically the idea is that usually, a person's chakra system is like the circulatory system: it's more or less closed off from anything external, your body produces and uses it, but anything from outside is going through the stomach or lungs or something first.

But in the Senju, chakra is a little more permeable. It's a little more like, say, the water in a bay: it's distinct from the ocean but it's not cut off from the ocean by any means, and there's always some amount of flow back and forth.

So, because they're always having a little bit of chakra flow back and forth with the chakra around them (both natural and other Senjus' chakra), they get passive sensing. Which is not entirely as useful as it sounds; range is based largely on how much chakra a person has (though they can extend it or pull it back with conscious effort) but learning to distinguish chakra signatures and place their location is difficult and much rarer for someone to be good at. Hashirama for example technically has a bigger sensing range than Tobirama, but he can't distinguish signatures or estimate distance well, so it's not much use for him. (Though he will be able to tell that Tobirama is still alive while he's trapped on the island.)

All Senju (with this trait) do have the advantage of being able to feel when another chakra signature is present though, since basically no one else knows this is a sense to hide from. Senju can also read shifts in peoples' chakra the way that other people might read facial expressions, which again other people don't usually learn to control or hide, so the Senju get a nice edge there.

(In this headcanon the sensing jutsu, which Hikaku uses in this fic and is used in canon, was invented in the past to both give allies access to some of the same information the Senju had, and to cover up that what the Senju were doing was not a jutsu. Which is why both exist.)

Senju might also have a bit of an advantage at using elemental and/or sage jutsu, because their chakra is always a little bit bleeding back and forth with natural chakra, so it's more familiar to them. Not a huge advantage though.

The vulnerability is poison. Most poisons target the physical body and very few target chakra itself (with the exception of chakra suppressing poisons, which are more common). But when a Senju is hit by something that turns their chakra toxic, it will spread to every other Senju in their range, and then in all those Senjus' ranges, and....

So best case scenario an entire team gets wiped out. More likely it's several teams in the same area. Worst case scenario someone gets hit with something while Hashirama is alive, it spreads to his chakra, and from him it spreads to every other Senju with the same trait, and that's how the Senju clan disappears.

Tobirama escapes because he happened to be in his lab at the time, which is shielded against chakra going in or out, in case he accidentally invented something chakra toxic. And some Senju, presumably including Tsunade and Nawaki, just don't have the trait to begin with so they survive. But most of the clan falls over dead within about an hour, which Senju generations ago more or less saw coming, which is why they kept the bloodline so secret and tried to breed it out.

(Some non-Senju in allied clans that intermarried would probably also have had the trait and died along with the Senju too, but I have not planned anything detailed about that because that is the bad ending AU and I don't enjoy those.)

a lot more focused on the results of interaction than the often annoyingly intricate path to get there "correctly", except people put a lot of stock on the "correct" path of behavior and WILL react weirdly if you don't follow enough of it.

Yeah! Tobirama is very focused on efficiency and getting things done, and he thinks everyone else ought to be equally focused on practicalities, so he has no interest in wasting time on being indirect.

I do think he can be polite if he has to--he's a clan heir, he's going to get stuck doing politics and diplomacy to some extent, so he doesn't really get a choice about learning this, and he's the type to learn how to be excellent at it because it's important even if he hates it. (And he's aware of appearances, demonstrated by scolding Hashirama about dignity in public and such.) But getting him to use those skills when he's not in an explicitly diplomatic setting (or maybe in disguise) isn't likely.

(Which does again make him kind of the opposite of Izuna; Izuna is compulsively diplomatic, because he sees value in building rapport and connections with as many people as possible. Izuna is building a tightly-knit community while Tobirama runs a well-oiled machine.)

You're welcome, I'm glad you like the songbirds! If you haven't read it, you might like @denialcity's hanahaki AU, for adoration grow. Somewhere in there is a scene where Izuna sings for Tobirama and Tobirama discovers that music can make him Feel Things.

(I also have equivalent headcanons for the Senju and Uzumaki collective hobbies, but they're not musical.)

Sparring will lead to yet another culture clash, in which the Uchiha decide the Senju are insane and Tobirama is judgy (after he gets over being freaked out).

The Uchiha aren't having too difficult a time; Kagami isn't old enough to know most sharingan secrets, and Ruri is old enough to know what not to say. Plus there's a general politeness norm among shinobi of not asking about clan secrets when clans are interacting in a polite way, so all the kids generally know not to ask (and probably don't know too many secrets even if they were asked).

Tobirama is having a bit more difficult a time keeping Uzumaki seals hidden, because the Uchiha can copy any seal they see him make and that would be that. But again, the Uzumaki kids are mostly either too young to know seals or old enough to remember not to share them, so Tobirama mostly has to hide his own work. Which is a bit inconvenient, but he can just tell the Uchiha to leave so he can make a seal, and can sense whether anyone is close enough to watch him, so it's workable.

They also don't really care much about other clans' secrets. If a kid from one water country clan gives something away to a kid from another, that is not their problem and they have bigger things to worry about. Rescue your own kids next time if it bothers you. Aside from the Uzumaki the clans here are too distant to be allies to either the Senju or the Uchiha, so they have no obligation to care and are already doing these clans a huge favor by rescuing their kids, keeping them alive, and eventually returning them.

Thank you! The jutsu definition headcanon is mostly Domoz's, although I did adopt it immediately.

And there actually aren't really secrets to worry about in that case! The Uchiha know that if a Senju uses a jutsu, that Senju will probably also know several 'related' jutsu; that's not something the Senju could or have attempted to hide. It's basically a semantic difference; the Senju label something on jutsu and the Uchiha label it a cluster of related jutsu, but everyone's still aware that the options exist.

Izuna specifically has been expecting Tobirama to show up with a 'new' water dragon jutsu for some time, so his reaction is more along the lines of 'of COURSE you can do this now'. Though he WILL be annoyed at Tobirama insisting that they're all one jutsu. Izuna takes pride in how many jutsu Tobirama has invented to fight him with, stop trying to ruin his score!

(It will probably come up very late, though; the most likely prompt for this is Tobirama being introduced to the Uchiha jutsu library, and that is a post-relationship thing motivated maybe by Izuna and Hikaku innocently trying to give him a gift and possibly by hopes of interesting him in the sex jutsu section.)

Tobirama has at minimum collected some hints about Uchiha organization! He's trying to figure out exactly how hierarchy works between Izuna and Hikaku, and who Hikaku is that he seems to sometimes have equal authority to Izuna.

The Senju have basically one hierarchy: Hashirama at the top, Tobirama second, and everyone in charge of various things they've delegated answering to them. War and missions are all built into the same system, and shinobi are sent where their talents are needed, because the down side to having a wide variety of talents is that you often only have one or two people that can do any specific thing. So a Senju who's good at sneaking in and stealing things, for example, will be sent to steal the enemies' battle plans and that valuable vase some lord wants but can't buy.

The Uchiha basically all learn the same style of fighting, the same types of jutsu, etc; obviously there's some variety but nothing compared to the Senju. They also might just have more people in general. So they have basically two hierarchies; the war/battle shinobi (who are led by Madara and Izuna) and the mission shinobi (who Hikaku is in charge of). The two operate in parallel, and shinobi generally only are part of one, not both (other than kids/young shinobi still figuring out where they fit).

(This could also have gone the other way around, and had the clan head running missions primarily and someone else handling the war. But uh, Madara and Izuna are both very war-oriented. In other generations it's been different.)

As a result of that, since they're on a mission, Hikaku is actually officially in charge here. But Izuna is the clan heir (and functional co-clan head) in addition to co-head of the war, so Hikaku is used to deferring to him and Izuna is used to being in charge, and Tobirama's presence is another argument for Izuna to take the lead because Hikaku has no personal experience with Tobirama. So Hikaku and Izuna are kind of unclear on who's in charge here, which is fine because they trust and respect each other and agree on their goals.

So that's what was going on when they're trying to plan how to attack, and Izuna says he's outvoted and makes Hikaku do the negotiating instead; if Izuna was actually in charge of the mission he couldn't be outvoted. And Tobirama doesn't know exactly what's up there but he's sure something is, so he's Observing. (And also why he asked about whether Izuna would follow the plan he and Hikaku made; he expects Izuna to outrank Hikaku the same way Tobirama would outrank any teammates he had on a mission, and Tobirama wouldn’t necessarily be obligated to keep an agreement/follow a plan any other Senju made, so he thinks it’s weird and suspicious that Hikaku is making the plans instead of Izuna.)

He was also fishing for information during the "you deserve to suffer slightly less than bloodline thieves" exchange; he's trying to figure out Izuna's opinions on peace/alliance, since that's a thing Hashirama wants.

(But also yes, he feels very bad about giving away the healing jutsu thing and will try to apologize to Hashirama about it when he gets the chance.)

That works really well for the limits on Hiraishin! It did always seem odd to me that two unrelated people could use it but no one else. (Though for Typhoon Island it's just not invented yet, otherwise Tobirama could teleport off the island and we wouldn't have weeks of pining to inflict on them all.)

...are you trying to show off for the pretty guys, Tobira? >__>

XD Not quite yet! (I mean, he might have been trying with the first fish, but that was general pride + "see I am a Useful Ally, now how about we stop this whole 'war' thing".) With the second fish he's just very sneakily being a little shit, because he thinks them freaking out over An Ordinary Fish is funny. (And unimpressive. But he can judge them AND laugh at them just fine.)

(He won't admit it. But this is the Tobirama version of a prank.)

You're welcome, and thank you! I'm really enjoying getting to talk about all this.

@starstuffduster You are SO right about needing distractions, unfortunately I am working overtime so it will be even later than usual before I can write

(Do send me lots of asks though! I'm off tomorrow so I can write plenty then)

In the meantime, have a couple of incomplete later scenes from Typhoon Island (which will probably get rewritten but they're fun for now)

Hikaku finds Tobirama sitting under the ledge, where the rain is blocked but some light still filters in.  His eyes are closed, and his face is perfectly blank as he traces ink blindly over his face and throat.  A seal, clearly, though what it’s meant to do, Hikaku can’t imagine.

Tobirama is too skilled not to have noticed him, even rapidly bouncing his heel against the floor the way he seems to do when deep in concentration.  How Tobirama managed to train his skills so that he is always aware of the people near him, but has missed sunrise, sunset, food placed beside him, and being rained on, all in the few weeks they’ve been here, Hikaku still hasn’t figured out.  But a surprised shinobi reacts violently, and Tobirama is no exception, as proven by the times a sudden movement has startled him.

So Hikaku knows Tobirama is ignoring him for several minutes.  As Tobirama is currently placing the most intricate seal Hikaku has ever seen on his own face, and doing it blindly, that’s more than reasonable.

Tobirama stops abruptly, his heel landing sharply on the stone.  Hikaku doesn’t glimpse the handseal that pulls rain into a bubble over Tobirama.  The bubble bursts and splashes over Tobirama’s face, blurring most of the seal and drawing the ink in distracting trails down his throat.

Hikaku sets that aside for later.  “Difficulties with the seal?” he asks.

“Obviously,” Tobirama says shortly.  He wipes some of the water off of his throat, smearing the sealwork there further.

Hikaku still doesn’t know whether Tobirama is aware of his own rudeness.  He has learned that ignoring it is usually enough to end it.  “Would a mirror help?”

Hikaku doesn’t have a mirror, and neither does Izuna.  But they could probably work out something adequately reflective, if the seal is important.

“Hmm.  Unlikely,” Tobirama decides.  He unfolds from the rock he was sitting on and starts back toward the main cavern, and he’s still somehow taller than Hikaku remembers.  “The seal is meant to be used in groups, applied to each other.  The difficulty is in applying it backwards.  Seeing it would likely be a distraction.”

Hikaku will never comprehend the Senju mind.  “What sort of seal is it?”

Tobirama hums.  It takes several seconds for him to answer, and they get close enough for Izuna’s voice to reach them, slightly distorted, singing a children’s training song.  Several of the children have joined in, with a much larger range in skill than Hikaku expected children so old to have.

Mostly in the direction of less skill.  Do other clans teach their children nothing except to fight?

“It is a snorkeling seal,” Tobirama says.  “By drawing on the user’s chakra, it draws air from the surface into their lungs, and allows them to remain under water indefinitely.”

An incredibly useful seal, then.  It would be a deeply concerning one as well, except that most of its uses are pointless in Fire Country.  Fire Country has many streams and creeks, but even the Nakano, which is the largest river in the country, is only rarely deep enough for a person to truly hide in its depths.  Mostly, a submerged shinobi would only look like a fool, trying to hide a few feet below the surface of clear water.

But in a place like Water Country, much less these Whirlpool islands… Hikaku is glad that the Uchiha so rarely venture outside of Fire Country.

Still, it gives him an idea.  “If it is not given chakra, does it do anything?”

“No.”

“So it’s safe?”

The question earns a quick flick of Tobirama’s eyes in his direction, before they return to the tunnel ahead.  “Children use it.”

“If you were to draw it on me, then,” Hikaku says, and even having concluded there would be no danger, his heart rate picks up, “Izuna could watch, and draw it on you.”

Tobirama pauses, a fractional delay in his steps as he glances in Hikaku’s direction again, this time longer, almost actually looking.  But he shakes his head.  “It is an Uzumaki seal.”

“I have not yet found a limit on the complexity of what the sharingan can copy,” Hikaku says.

“The Uzumaki are protective of their secrets.”

Ah.  A different issue than Hikaku assumed.  The Uzumaki are Senju allies, but it’s not a seal for war.  “Is it that valuable?  I can’t see it being used often in Fire Country.  I’ve never seen a river or lake large enough to hide in.”

“Fire Country doesn’t have lakes; we only have ponds,” Tobirama says, as if reciting the opinion.  “Every seal is valuable.  If not for its own effect, then for what it will teach about sealing.”

“I see.”

Izuna stops singing the moment they reach the cavern, and most of the children break off after him, uncoordinated.  Kagami continues alone, his voice clear until he finishes the verse.

“Izuna-san is teaching us Uchiha music!” [Uzukid] announces.  Izuna’s face goes strained.

“Is it very similar to Uzumaki music?” Tobirama asks, apparently interested, which sets all the kids off.  Uchiha music isn’t much like Uzumaki music at all; the [idk water bloodline] have some similar music but it’s not [waterkid]’s favorite; the Hyuuga have the same song, with only a few different words.  Tobirama listens with solemn interest.

As soon as every child has shared their comparisons, Tobirama focuses on [Uzutween].  “[Uzutween], are you familiar with the snorkeling seal?”

She nods, looking slightly confused by the question.

“Good,” Tobirama says.  “Come with me; I am going to use it to go fishing, and I am not able to apply it to myself.”

--

“Look!  Abalone!”

[Uzukid] is grinning when Hikaku glances over, holding up a palm-length, brown shell with six holes in a line and oddly triangular spots.  She, of course, is looking at Tobirama, who pauses in his demonstration of prying mussels off the rocks to seriously examine the shell she hands over.

“Very good,” Tobirama says, and hands the shell back to her.  “Your family works with abalone, don’t they?”

“Yeah!”

Tobirama nods again, and turns to include the other children in his explanation.  “We likely won’t find many abalone here, but they’re valuable and harmless, so collect any that you see.  [Uzukid], would you like to explain how to identify them?”

“Yeah!”

The rest of the kids cluster around and [Uzukid] holds up the shell, pointing out the shape, colors, and shiny interior.  The Uzumaki eat the snails, and make the shells into all kinds of jewelry and decoration.

Tobirama listens, but his eyes keep sliding away, scanning the pool and the area nearby.  Izuna glances over, sharingan flicking on to catch the image of the abalone’s shell, and then goes back to hunting through a pool closer to the water.  Hikaku listens while he keeps prying mussels off of stone and tossing them up the beach toward dry land.

The kids spread out again, now mostly ignoring the abundant mussels as they stick their faces in the water and peer under rocks in search of abalone.  [Uzukid] turns rocks over a little more strategically, and keeps chattering.  “An’ when you grind the shells up really good, you mix ‘em in with ink and make star seals!  That’s what my family does, for the whole village!”

“What are star seals, [Uzukid]?” Tobirama asks.

“You’ve seen them!  On the roofs!”

“I have, but not everyone here has,” Tobirama says.  “Kagami, do you know what star seals are?”

“Not yet!” Kagami chirps.

“They’re sparkly!  And bright!”  [Uzukid] gestures, hands flying out in a burst of implied light.  “We put ‘em on the edges of the roofs so the old shinobi don’t fall at night!”

[Uzukid]’s descriptions make it sound as if every day is a festival in Uzushio.  It’s a shame, Hikaku thinks, that he won’t get to see it.  But the Uzumaki have been the Senju’s allies almost as long as the Uchiha have been their enemies.  Hikaku will no more be allowed to see Uzushio than Tobirama’s bedroom.

“What if they’re too bright?” Kagami asks.

“They’re not!” [Uzukid] declares indignantly.  “They’re star seals, not… not sea-glare seals, or something!”

Kagami nods seriously.

“Seals that create a bright light as their primary effect are called flash seals,” Tobirama says.

“Yeah!  They’re not flash seals!”

“But flash seals are one of the primary types of seal which Uchiha encounter,” Tobirama says.  “So it’s reasonable for Kagami to think of them.”

“And fire seals,” Kagami adds.

“Explosive tags,” Tobirama corrects.

“Izuna-sama hates those,” Kagami shares.  “He says fire’s ours so it’s not fair Senju can fake it without learning real jutsu.”

Tobirama smirks, a flicker at the corner of his mouth that vanishes before he raises his voice enough to make it carry.  “Well, next time he says that, you may tell him that Senju use fire jutsu, too; he just hasn’t seen.  And he should know better than to make assumptions like that.”

Kagami grins and nods.  A few other children giggle.

Izuna looks thoroughly annoyed, but he turns away instead of saying anything.  He’ll have plenty to say later, Hikaku is sure, once Tobirama and the kids are out of hearing, but for now he tosses his hair back and peers deliberately into the water.

“Are there lots of kinds of seals, Senju-sensei?” Kagami asks.

“More than I can list at once,” Tobirama says.  “Seals are even more varied than jutsu, only less commonly used.  Now, how many mussels have you found?”

The Uchiha are collectors of jutsu.  Every jutsu that any Uchiha has seen since the beginning of the clan is recorded, both in written form and in memories passed down across the generations.  Many of those jutsu are useless—there are dozens of campfire-lighting jutsu, invented by different clans in different countries and different generations, and the Uchiha only need one.  But they are kept anyway, for any who want to study jutsu creation, or in case an Uchiha needs to disguise themselves as a member of another clan.

Among those jutsu are thousands that have no use at all in war.  Jutsu to make food more flavorful, to shape wood and metal and stone with greater precision than a handheld tool, to send messages, to embellish dance, to amplify music or sensation.  Most Uchiha learn a handful of them.  Jutsu for singing and sex are the most popular, and those that are useful with various crafts.  Hikaku has at least glanced through most sections of the library, looking for interesting options.  Each recorded jutsu also records the source, and every Senju jutsu Hikaku has ever seen is for war.  Hikaku used to be sure that meant the Senju simply didn’t know or use jutsu for anything other than battle, sabotage, and the like.

But once this season is over he’s going to have to go home and add an entire new section to the library for jutsu that heal.  Not merely by shaping a needle out of a broken blade or pulling gravel out of wounds, but actively.  It’s still technically for war, but it’s an entire category of jutsu that the Uchiha didn’t even know were possible, which the Senju seem to have been using for generations, the way Tobirama acted about it.

So maybe, being a Senju, Tobirama doesn’t know the full variety of uses jutsu can have.  Or maybe the Senju are very good at keeping secrets, and seals can do things Hikaku hasn’t even imagined.

It really is a shame that he’ll never see the Uzumaki compound.

Hikaku pries the last mussel worth eating off the rocks, tosses it into the pile with the rest, and straightens.  The children are enthusiastic, but very distracted by all the unfamiliar creatures in the pools, and Tobirama is similarly distracted by watching and teaching them all.

Hikaku and Izuna, then, will have to do most of the foraging.  Which isn’t worrying, really; Hikaku is no longer concerned about starving while they’re trapped on this island.  But he’d rather not eat every meal from the same single fish for a week again, nor would he like to see what bigger fish Tobirama could possibly find. 

[this is followed by Hikaku picking up a blue ringed octopus, and Tobirama being Totally Rational And Calm And Not Panicking in response. As he always is, of course]

[bighandsforabigheart]

Idk… I just love the concept of Illya getting softer and showing his caring side once he warms up to people contrasting how Solo will become less open and harder to read when he lets people enter his small circle of close friends…

[artem1sc0re]

Whilst I hand you guys a couple of Wrench doodles, rate this embarrassing instance out of 10 that just happened to me:

For the second time in my entire ICT course, I used irrelevant vocabulary to answer a test question (thankfully just a progress checker test, not the actual thing!!). First time that it happened I ended up using ionic bonds to explain how a laser printer worked. The second time I used the word formulae (which apparently is mathematic vocabulary and not just used to describe some recipe like in SpongeBob) to explain the advantages HTML developers can gain from website templates☠️

anyway embarrassing misuse of vocabulary aside wrench doodles as promised:

[dazais-guardian-angel]

went to my first con in 4 years on Friday to meet Kaiji Tang and got a Dazai autograph + video recording of him reading to me. He was the sweetest person (as I knew he would be) and interacting with him was lovely, but also at the same time oh boy it sure was an extremely stressful, ugly wake-up call of what it feels like to live in a world now where everyone around you has blissfully moved on from covid and can enjoy things normally and happily, while you'll forever be trapped in a hellscape of perpetual fear 🫠🫠🫠

[blueshykitsune-blog]

I want a giant brown bunny... but... but too much!

The only one I found was like $158 USD... it was just about 5 foot tall! It literally was like looking at what I wanted to make but realized I didn't have enough stuffing for!

And one that was like 3 feet tall was $100...

Like yes I know materials and time is money but I can still complain! Why fabric gotta be so much! And so messy! (The ones with faux fur or of the like. Like whyyyyyy!!!!) Also why is cotton and stuffing so much too! And you get enough for maybe only one 2 foot plushie!

(I ran out of tagging space... 30 the limit sadly. But I had more to say but maybe later I'll do a bigger post on that all.)

[determinate-negation]

this essentially is a description of a concentration camp complete with testimony from concentration camp guards whos perspectives range from 'occasionally sympathetic to the people theyre overseeing the torture of' to the exact type of matter-of-fact indifference you will be very familiar with if you've read the interviews of nazis. quotes below from multiple people interviewed

"The thing is that when I was there, it all somehow looked normal to me, because there are excuses [for sending them to the camp's hospital], and the medical work takes place in a normal, familiar space. But in the end, what's happening there is total dehumanization. You don't really relate to them as if they're real human beings. It's easy to forget that when they don't move and you don't have to talk to them. You just have to check off that some medical procedure was done, and along the way you remove the whole human dimension of medicine." [...] "When you come to the camp, the first thing that hits you is the smell. The place really stinks, in an extreme way. When there's a little wind, maybe it's possible to shift your position a little so you can avoid [the smell]. But nearby it was intolerable." What does it smell like? "Like the smell of dozens of people who have been sitting in close quarters for more than a month in the same clothes and in insane heat. They let them shower for a few minutes around twice a week, but I don't remember ever seeing that they gave them a change of clothes, in any case not on my shifts." [...] "I came there with the mindset of a soldier. Let us do our time, without asking anything, and then go home. But two incidents happened in the wake of which I couldn't continue there any longer. The first was in one of the pens. Guys came from the escort force, who in my opinion were military police reservists. They came in like big shots, with ski masks, and led three or four detainees out. They made them walk bent over, handcuffed and with flannelette on their faces. Each of them held the shirt of the person in front of him. And then suddenly I saw one of the police officers, right at the entrance to the pen, take the head of the first detainee and 'boom,' smash him with force into some iron part of the door. And then he smashed him again and said 'Yalla.' The moment I saw that I went into total shock. It was simply right opposite me… suddenly I saw someone with the thought going through his head that, 'Fine, this is not a human being. I can simply bash his head against the door. Just because I feel like it.' The nonchalant way he did it stunned me. He didn't look angry or full of hatred, he even laughed at it." [...] "The detainee's story [mentioned earlier in interview], and the fact that he started to cry in the end [made it dramatic.] It was a very human and surprising display after all the preparation and the things they tell you there. They keep pumping it into your brain that you have to disconnect. That they're not people. That they're not human beings." Who said things like that? "The guys, the company commander, the officers, everyone. You know, there was a female officer who gave us a briefing on the day we arrived. She said, 'It will be hard for you. You'll want to pity them, but it's forbidden. Remember that they aren't people. From your point of view, they are not human beings. The best thing is to remember who they are and what they did in October.'

read the entire article. this is a fascist mentality identical to the third reich

[lyrefromthesea]

Male pillars x Reader - sitting on their lap

author's note: I'm strictly against any kind of sexual interactions with minors. That's why I will either exclude Muichiro from such fics of or portray a wholesome interaction instead.

pairing: Tengen x reader, Obanai x reader, Rengoku x reader, Sanemi x reader, Giyuu x reader, Muichiro x reader, Gyomei x reader

content warning: suggestive words and actions

Tengen:

"excuse me? I'm married!" he dramatically exclaimed, looking down at you. the man was already trying to refrain from smiling, watching you turn your head towards him.

"i'm sure Hinatsuru, Makio and Suma will forgive me." you answered, showing him your hand. he smirked at the all too familiar ring. he was glad he had married you.

"just playin', i could never disappoint the flamboyant person i married!" he laughed, clearly proud of himself. when you cocked your eyebrow at him, he let out a dramatic gasp, pulling you closer.

"are you trying to say i'm not the most perfect husband you could imagine?" he asked, displaying a huge amount of shock. you knew he was just making fun, especially when he pressed your back against his chest, bringing his lips to your ear.

"you were saying entirely different things yesterday." he said, watching you shudder at his words. you slapped his knee, scolding him for saying such things outside.

"come on, you know you love it!"

Obanai:

he freezes, his brain nearly malfunctioning. it's not like you've never sat on his lap before, but you usually gave him a warning first - asked for his approval.

"[name]? what's-" he asked, surprised when your arms wrapped around his neck, barely giving Kaburamaru time to slither away. words got stuck in his throat, feeling your lips against his mask - right above his own.

"nothing. i was just feeling affectionate." you answered, shifting to wrap your arms around his torso. he looked down at you, letting out a quiet yelp when your hips moved a bit too much on his lap.

"oh..?" you looked at him, a smile slowly forming on your lips. a blush made his way towards his cheeks, luckily covered by his mask. at least he felt lucky, you would've liked to see him blush.

"it looks like you're feeling affectionate too, Obanai." you chuckled, purposely drawing light circles with your hips. of course you had noticed the growing bulge in his pants, his hands now holding yours.

"don't tease me, [name].."

Rengoku:

"little flame! how was your day?" he enthusiastically asked, his arms wrapping around your torso. he pulled you closer, placing his chin on your shoulder.

"it was okay, i missed you." you answered, leaning against his chest. he smiled at you, enjoying the way your bodies were pressed together so gently.

"we can't have that, little flame! how about we go eat later?" he asked, holding you a bit closer. you chuckled at his words, he really loved taking you to new places - especially restaurants.

"i'd like that. let's go eat something later."

Sanemi:

"and what the hell are you doing?" Sanemi asked, feeling you make yourself comfortable on his lap.

he had cleaned his sword moments prior, hearing the door open - it was you. you moved towards him without warning, getting between him and his sword.

"getting your attention." you answered, moving even closer. don't think he didn't notice the way you purposely squished your chest against his own.

"yeah? didn't I give ya enough attention, sweetheart?" he teased, watching you pout in response. you had been alone for far too long, you finally wanted to spend time with him.

"you've been working on your sword for two hours now.." you complained. he placed it down, knowing that you were right. he just felt like the proper care could safe his ass one day, though a shiny sword probably wasn't that important.

"fine, ya win. this was getting uncomfortable anyways." he answered, almost making you question what he meant until he pressed his hips against yours more. oh, now you could feel it too.

"does that mean you want my attention as well-" you asked playfully, getting cut off by his lips pressing against yours before you could finished talking.

Giyuu:

"is everything alright?" his voice broke the silence, you've been sitting on his lap for almost 5 minutes now, not saying a single word. he was confused, not sure if you were fine or needed help.

"Giyuu, attention?" you asked, feeling him relax under you. he had been tense, thinking you could've been hurt somewhere. your words instantly calmed him down, his lips pressing against yours gently.

he didn't expect you to turn his soft kiss into something more passionate. his hands slowly came to hold your hips, tongues swishing against each other.

you broke the kiss, panting against his lips. he pressed his forehead against yours, pulling you a bit closer, only to have your hips start grinding slightly.

"l- love.. t- that's not.." he muttered, his cheeks visibly growing more red. hands squeezing your hips more, trying to create more friction. he could only moan when you finally started grinding against him properly.

"i.. i need to go on a mission later.." he panted against your lips, but he didn't object when you kissed him again, your hand wandering to his belt.

Muichiro:

"Muichiro! i finally caught up to you.." you heaved, letting yourself fall onto his lap. you had been running for nearly twenty minutes now, watching the boy leave his estate without food. being the good friend you were, you ran after him.

"[name]? what are you doing here..?" he asked, letting you lean against him. your cheeks were flushed from running. it would've been different if you also were a hashira, but you still had much to learn.

"you.. you forget your food, Mui.." you panted, reaching into your pocket. he looked rather surprised when he saw the small box of food he usually brought with him.

"thank you..! i've completely forgotten." he laughed, eventually coaxing a smile out of you. you gave him the box, seeing his eyes lit up at the promise of food.

he wanted to dive right in before he had a quiet growl come from your stomach, making your cheeks flush. "do you want some?" he asked, watching you shake your head.

"i brought my own!" you countered, grabbing into your back once more. silence filled the room when you noticed you had only brought his food.

his arm wrapped around your torso, forcing you to stay on his lap a while longer. "let's share." he said, offering you some of his food. you knew he wouldn't let you go until you have had a healthy portion.

Gyomei:

"welcome back." the giant said, feeling you plop onto his lap, nuzzling against his chest. you let out a tired hum, feeling a large hand soothingly rub over your arm.

"is there something wrong? you're more quiet than usual." he asked, gently bringing your head closer with his hand - allowing you to be closer to him. you could hear the gentle rhythm of his heartbeat.

your day had been stressful, but he somehow always managed to calm you down. his warmth. his voice. his actions. they put your mind at ease.

"i know it's ridiculous, but i've felt really stressed out lately. i just want a break.." you muttered, closing your eyes. you were trying to focus on his heartbeat and ignore everything else around you.

"it's not ridiculous, you deserve a break. perhaps a visit to the hot spring would help calm you down?" he offered, feeling you nod against his chest. you felt warm hands rub over your thighs, his head now closer to yours.

"and i could pamper you a bit more after that.." he muttered against your ear, your eyes opening again. the warmth pooling in your gut could probably rival the hot spring's temperature

[callmemickey]

Simon Riley fucks intensely and passionately. He doesn’t grab your hair, or spit on your face, or cause you physical pain - my man’s has openly admitted to dealing with violent thoughts/dreams against women and wanting to be better. He might get rough if he’s stressed or angry, but he won’t be, like, throat fucking you for example. Sorry. I just can’t see it. He can be fast, but I don’t think he’s gonna be hardcore or degrading. I think if he gets the mask on, he miiiight be a little more… forthcoming.

Simon Riley finds sex to be the highest level of trust, love, and vulnerability. Don’t expect him to be a quick or easy lay. If he wants you intimately, this is the biggest honor you would ever receive from him. Maybe before he was tortured he would’ve been quicker to engage, but the Simon we know now? Yeah, you gotta work.

Simon Riley… ohhhhh he’s always asking you: “is that alright, love?” “that feel good?” “ahhhh, yeah, you’re a good girl, aren’tcha?” If you’re not feeling it, he’s not feeling it. he wants to make sure you’re into it 100%. the moment you grunt, wince, or groan in pain, he’s stopping to check up on his lovie. he just radiates Soft Dom energy to me (and I want him so bad). Simon loves to see you get all flustered, too. When you beg for him (and you’re a good girl) he will give you anything and everything you want.

Simon Riley being a Soft Dom… mmm, delicious. I love to imagine him praising and worshipping: “ahh fuck, i’ve missed my girl’s pussy” “so proud of you, taking my cock so well” “you want to be a good girl for me, don’tcha?” “you’re so beautiful when you struggle to fit me” if you’re engaged with him romantically, you’re his everything - man’s invested his entire soul and well-being into you. With that being said, throw him some praise, too! He’ll melt and become putty in your hands; he’ll do anything for you. Tell him how you were made for his cock, that nobody else makes you feel like he does, how you’re sooo good - but only for him. He’s definitely possessive of you - not in a red flag kind of way, but when you talk about how you’re his and only his… whew.

Simon Riley wants to see your face when you two are having sex. Anything missionary, missionary adjacent, cowgirl, it doesn’t matter, just let this man look at you! He doesn’t crave it, he needs it. Eye contact is so intimate, and if you’re shy and can’t maintain it? Ohhh, he’s gonna have fun. “eyes here, love” “don’t cover your face/close your eyes - i want to watch you cum” “you were just begging for my cock, don’t get all shy now” “be a good girl and look at me” he’s either coming inside or on your tummy/chest. preferably? inside.

Simon Riley prefers having a good session as opposed to a quickie. He likes doing things in the privacy of your shared home (because then you can be loud and cry his name as you cum on his cock for the 4th time 🤭). Sometimes, he’ll be desperate though, and this is when he gets a lil impatient. Like this one time, he went with you to your family’s Christmas party while being on leave for only a week, and he needed you. That man took you in the bathroom and railed you so hard you couldn’t leave for 15 minutes until you could stand without shaking (also not me writing this rn).

Simon Riley, upon specific request, will wear the mask in bed. Honestly, don’t expect this for a while, however. The mask serves as his identity - his separation from you. This will take a lot of courage on his behalf as you’re wanting to bring in something containing his countless sins and crimes into such an intimate situation. Like I said!!! It takes a while to get him this comfortable. Try to rush the process and you’re missing out on some pretty intense and animalistic fucking. It’s a rare time you can expect a more vicious kind of dirty talk from him: “fuckin’ hell, you like being a dirty little slut, huh?” “that pretty little face of yours deserves to be fucked” “your pussy was made for me” “shut up and keep taking it like a good girl should” “ahh, begging for my cock like the needy little slut you are”

Simon Riley loves aftercare, and he makes sure you feel loved during that time. Sweet Angel, we don’t deserve him. Massages, baths, checking on you emotionally and mentally, he’ll make you dinner, put on your favorite movie, and relax with you while he showers you with unconditional love and adoration. He’s obsessed with you. Get over it.

[fumiliar]

CAN WE PLS GET OLDER BF TOJI HEADCANNONS PLS PRETTY PLS 🙏

(LOVE YOUR WORK BTW!!!)

TYSMM! i hope you like it!😵‍💫

✎...toji is in his late 30s (he lives!) and reader is in her early 20s. megumi is a toddler and he keeps him.

you were the one who chased older bf!toji, you manifested this man. ever since you met him in your apartment gym, you've been trying to get close with him. you started to gym when he went to the gym, asking him for help to carry the weight because you were inexperienced. slowly but surely, you started to develop a relationship with toji, talking to him when it was unrelated to exercise.

older bf!toji who was scared to ask you out on a date. you were so young! he on the other hand, was a widow, a single father and 15+ years older than you. he could've been your father! all these thoughts subsided when he saw you waiting in front of the gym for him. "hi toj-" "date?" he blurted out, leaving you blushing and shocked. "sure toji." that night, he couldn't stop gushing over you to his toddler megumi.

older bf!toji who told you upfront that he was a single father, a widow and looking for a serious relationships on your first date. not wanting to cause any other misunderstandings, he's old, he doesn't have time to play games. he doesn't have the time to fool around, he wants a serious relationship, someone he can lean on, importantly someone who megumi can lean on.

older bf!toji who did not understand why such a youthful person would want him. the stress of his job and raising a child alone has manifested on his appearance. while you, were the epitome of youth in his eyes. the days where you could've been partying in clubs, you spent playing with megumi. he could not wrap his head around your actions.

older bf!toji who barely uses social media. not due to his age, but he's too busy with his life. his only socials are his facebook(good 4 u). you had to teach him how to make an instagram account, and to this day he still doesn't understand how it works. his insta only follows you, with one post, which is also a picture of you.

older bf!toji who's always 'reluctantly' accompanying you, reluctantly watching chick flicks with you, reluctantly accompanying you shopping and holding your shopping bags, reluctantly holding your purse. he's always reluctantly doing stuff, but he ends up doing it anyways. why? cause he loves you. there's a certain joy inside him he hasn't felt since his wife's passing. he secretly enjoys doing girly things with you, just to see the happiness on your face.

older bf!toji who never wants you to feel like megumi is your responsibility. though he wants you to be there for megumi, he doesn't want to burden you with his own struggles.

older bf!toji who stumbles over his feet when he first saw you with megumi. for the first time in his life, he saw megumi like someone from the first meeting. megumi was constantly giggling, smiling ear to ear. without toji realising, his expressions had mirrored his son, like father like son.

older bf!toji who's scared of his future. he's always on the brink of death, with the risky nature of his job. he wants to grow old together, but hesitation takes over him when he realised that in the end, it would just be him growing old.

older bf!toji who has the worst taste in clothing. literally horrendous, when you see his wardrobe, it's just multiples of his tight black shirt, his weird poofy pants and some workout clothes. his other clothing was horrible, some shirts having holes as big as your fist. ever since you've seen that, you've decided to go on a shopping spree for him, along with getting him and megumi some matching clothes.

older bf!toji who hasn't had the time to take care of himself properly. taking care of megumi was such a hassle making him forgot about himself. when you pamper him with skincare nights and face masks, he literally gets addicted. every time you offer to do a face mask or to do his skincare, he dashes to lay his head on your lap. he's still too shy to ask for it, but you can tell how much he likes it. his wrinkles slowly going away with every touch of your hand, as if he's finally let his guard down.