#I feel like I've entered an alternative reality | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

robvandamdatass · 2 months ago

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today pluto left capricorn, and entered aquarius where it will be for the next twenty years. i felt the transition .. or maybe it was sleep deprivation. either way, i'm feeling bittersweet about it. here are some unorganized reflections about this time for me:

in astrology, pluto represents transformations and rebirth to whatever it touches. in capricorn, which represents societal structures and government, i think we've all witnessed and woke up to the fuckery of it all.

pluto entered capricorn back in 2008. sixteen years ago! i was either 16 or 17. while in capricorn, pluto transited my seventh house of relationships (whole sign- this could mean any form of relationships. platonic, intimate, enemies, etc.), and transiting my eighth house of death/taxes (placidus- from feb 2019 on until current day where it will journey for the next ten years i believe), really anything money and paperwork related. i guided my mom on how to handle money during this time/mainly 2020 and i began to save for the first time in my life.

a lot has happened to me personally during this time frame, and i grew in so many ways that i cannot articulate. even when i was fighting change, felt unsure or confused, i eventually surrendered to the realities of life and watch society change and crumble around (and not benefit) me at the same time. it was for the best. i had to learn to trust myself in making decisions and to prove to my authoritarian counterparts that i can be trusted in those decisions. being a female, you're forever viewed as inferior and no one ever takes you seriously until its too late. its something i've been challenging since i was 10.

i made many unforgettable connections. i met people i look up to, and engaged in conversations with them (i still can't get over peter buck from rem and meeting s club omgomgomg) and even formed friendships. if you know me irl, i am reserved and uncomfortably shy with a resting bitch face. i look unapproachable. but i am far from this. i realize, everyone is human and feels like this as well. no matter their position in life.

i lost a few friendships too. one in particular was incredibly difficult. but that's when i knew i had to set BOUNDARIES on how i wanted to be treated, and remain firm in them. change was coming at me in different ways. i'm pretty sure the election that year was the culprit as well.

paramore's "after laughter" woke me tf up to a lot of the mentioned above. i cried many nights to that album. i finally understood why i was feeling the way i was. it is still on constant replay to this day.

in january 2017 i was diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome). a chronic hormonal disorder where my ovaries became enlarged and formed small cysts to the outer edges of my ovaries. this put me at risk of diabetes, high cholesterol and infertility.

i began to have irregular bleeding around feb 2011. i was 19 omw to 20. i was having menstrual cycles/periods that lasted more than one month. the longest i experienced had to be approaching three months. i went to the hospital where they tried pushing birth control at me. i refused this as an option. i was not sexually active. why would i use something not for its intended use? i knew the risk of taking birth control, especially as a black woman, how it would react to my body (blood clots, weight gain and other complications). i also knew whatever was happening to my body, BC would further complicate it. i ended up researching home remedies and alternatives, and it worked for a few years. i kept track of how long my periods lasted and/or when i missed cycles. but eventually the irregular bleeding returned in late 2016. pushing one of my many fears aside. i went to the gynecologist for the first time where i was diagnosed.

i was at my highest weight, depressed and ready to end my life. my mom, bless her, guided and reassured me i can and will get better. her unwavering support of me, not only during this time, just in general, is unfathomable. i'm an anxious mess.

i had only told a few people about this. mind you, i was still reeling from the end of said friendships and my trust in people, even to those closest to me, was nonexistent at this time.

i thought it was the end of my dream before it even began. i wanted to be able to have children in a "traditional" way one day. as a child of adoption, in my head, i wanted to prove i can do something natural and right in my lifetime. as an identifying female, and choosing to be celibate from a young age (for non religious reasons), until i found someone who matched my convictions, along with childbearing, it was all i have control as this gender. it was a harsh wake up call to my convictions. it also brought a huge awareness on how i was treating my body and my relationship to food and my psychological being.

since the diagnosis, i lost 32 pounds and have maintained this for four years now (even after covid/2020 where i gained 15 of those pounds back- i lost it quickly the next year as the world began to "open" up again). i want to lose more. but no matter how much exercise i implement, or walks i take, it remains stagnant.

this past summer, i took it upon myself to see every basic doctor. a fear i developed over time: taking care of myself. i hadn't seen most of these doctors since i was a child. i saw regular (blood work was good!), dentist (fear- insecure about my teeth/got some fixed and a very thorough cleaning i've been maintaining since), eye (fear- i developed trichotillomania in 2012 due to financial stress my mom and i were experiencing at the time/i can tell you now since july 2024 i now have eyelashes again and i wear glasses after finding out i have slight astigmatism in my left eye and only having 20/40 vision- something i knew i had a long time ago i just didn't want it confirmed), dermatologist (fear- related to my menstrual cycle/around 13 (pluto in sagittarius was a wild trauma forming time btw more on that for another time) i developed hidradenitis suppurativa- i don't think it had a name at the time and i had no idea how to treat it beyond home remedies/after 20 years, seeing the dermatologist saved my life) and the gynecologist. as of september 2024, after a very painful and annoying ultrasound checkup on my uterus, according to my gynecologist my ovaries were back to normal!!!!!! phew.

it is true if your mental health isn't right, your physical health reflects it. and my life hasn't been an easy one. i do believe everything i've lived through did not help my mental and physical health and growth (scars left on my heart, formed patterns in my mind- is a pmore lyric that comes to mind every time). i internalize like no one's business. but i realize suppressing and avoiding is the wrong route. it has to be released and addressed.

i will continue to manage, and do what i've been doing since being diagnosed, to help my body release and heal from life's hovering death grip and learn to love itself. its astonishing the stress and trauma our bodies store from the time we are born, and builds up over time. we don't notice until its late, and an illness has formed from it.

i took a break from astrology in the early 10's. but i eventually returned to it during my progressed lunar return around 2016/2017/during the beginning stages of my diagnosis. i was looking for answers as to why life was happening so much during those years, and gained a deeper understanding on how it works. lo and behold i was officially becoming an adult who was approaching her saturn return (which coincided with covid/shut down- i was freaking the fuck out but i was prepared mentally because i knew it was coming .. just not in the way it presented itself: the pandemilovato). with pluto creeping up right alongside saturn, it has been a double whammy on my psyche for sure.

as i mentioned above pluto is about transformations. saturn is all about karma and accountability. its about growing the fuck up. for REAL. you cannot avoid what it continuously puts in front of you for so long. the moon is your emotions, and mines were being amplified strongly whether i wanted it to or not.

understanding myself, my life and the way its played out so far and understanding others in this form is a privilege not everyone has and i'm not pushy nor braggy about it. if you know about it, cool. if you know i do readings and interpretations, cool. whenever you're ready to know more, i am more than happy to discuss astrology with you. but i would never try to persuade you. you have to come to that conclusion yourself. i'm just trying to make sense of this world, and be a guidance to those who need an ear to hear.

there was loss on many levels throughout this journey. but i gained knowledge, perspective and so much love for myself.

i come out of all of this knowing my boundaries and who i am in my convictions. to remain calm and still within chaos, internally and externally. accept change, and learn to let go.

#personal #pcos #polycystic ovarian syndrome #adoption #astrology #pluto in capricorn #capricorn moon #life #text

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wildcreativemastermind · 2 months ago

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Star Wars Fic Prompts: Sith Temples

I've read a fair amount of Star Wars fanfiction, and a decently common thing to see in them is a Sith Temple. They tend to be used as a way to change the characters in some way, sometimes it works and sometimes I'm sitting there thinking "yeah no, the Sith would never make something that would have an effect like that." This post is basically like a mix of prompts and advice for handling Sith Temples in fics.

Note: I primarily focus on Lucas canon, that will effect what I say, though I also play KOTOR1 and 2 as well as SWTOR, and I like some of the stuff they've done with the Sith, so I'll borrow things from them for this too.

We know why the Jedi Temple exists and what it's used for, but think what the Sith would use a temple for. This is where people usually go wrong, they want a particular thing to happen but don't consider if the Sith would fit with what they want.

Perhaps they also use it as a living space and training academy, though it would never be safe. At their safest everyone inside would have to sleep with one eye open.

They would also likely use it to solidify themselves more into the dark side, think meditation to make themselves angrier (so like anti-meditation), murdering loved ones, torturing people, etc. There is no kindness to find among the Sith, and the only thing one will learn is how monstrous people can be.

Of course, a main thing we see Sith do is attempt to corrupt Jedi, turn them to the dark side. So there may be things in the temple to help with that, or to do it when the Sith aren't there (whether the Sith set that up out of laziness or as a lasting legacy is up to you).

Even if the temple is just a ruin in the fic, what it was used for should affect what it is like and what can happen in it.

Fic Prompts

Inside a Sith Temple, a Jedi is teleported to an alternate reality where they are a powerful Sith (whether they're genuinely teleported to another universe or it's a vision or illusion is up to you). They can only get back to reality by falling to dark side or overcoming it, though there would be effort from the Temple to prevent them from doing the latter. For bonus points on this one, any non Jedi with them is teleported as well (part of the corruption could be trying to convince the Jedi to kill, torture, or enslave them).

one or more characters are stranded inside a Sith Temple, people who are in this temple for to long go insane, they have to get out before they lose their minds (or they can be stuck and lose their minds if that's what you want to do)

a force sensitive clone (who doesn't know they're force sensitive) enters a Sith Temple with their Jedi and some other clones. The temple tries to corrupt the Jedi and treats his brothers like objects. What this clone doesn't understand is why the temple tries to corrupt him too (you could also use a Sith holocron for this)

after spending time in a Sith temple, the characters suffer from especially vivid nightmares where they commit heinous acts, how do they deal with this? are they just nightmares or are they real actions?

a character who may have had a romanticised view (basically anything that isn't extremely evil) of the Sith enters a Sith temple, and they are confronted by the reality of what Sith are like

a character enters a seemingly normal building, they don't understand why it's so cold inside despite the heat and the lack of AC units

a Jedi (who is either inside a Sith temple or has recently come out of one) is getting increasingly paranoid and/or distrustful about everyone around them

feel free to add more prompts to this! and feel free to use these in a fic if you want to

#star wars #fic prompts #sith #sith temples #late night posts #sith are evil and their temples ought to reflect that #yes even if they're not being used #i stole the temple idea in the 2nd bullet point from SWTOR

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megamattzx · 24 days ago

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Dragon Ball New Frontier tales of the Time Patrol: A matter of perspective, and the Ultimate Truth….

The trudging of the snow was heard as the Saiyan Prince of fire mountain trudged through the snow covered Forest. Thoughts swarming like a storm of tidal waves as he thought more and more about the voices he had been hearing as of late. The sounds of someone seemingly calling to him. This voice had been calling out to him for several weeks now. Months even perhaps. But the voice wasn't so loud before he entered this Forest, and the more he ventured into it, the louder it became. He was close. Approaching the ruins of a temple of some kind, Goku Jr could feel a strong presence as he drew closer and closer to the energy source of where it was from. Upon entering the ruins, he could feel the tension in the air. The cold freezing air so cold that a drop sweat could feel like a dagger lightly rubbing against your skin. Goku Jr fell to the presents nearby and it was clear that he wasn't alone.

"I know you're here," the time patroller said calmly but assertively. Making it clear that he was aware of their presence. And knew they were there. "Make yourself known." He paid attention to the energy signatures and realized it was familiar as if he had met this before. It was at that point he had realized that this was the one that had been calling him all this time. Seeing a cloaked individual walking towards him calmly and quietly before sitting down in a part of the Temple a few feet from the Saiyan. It was at that point Goku Jr could realize that this man was merely here to talk.

"I heard your voice calling to me in my dreams," Goku Jr. finally spoke again with words to confirm that this was the same person to which a nod was given as confirmation. "Who are you? Why have you called me to this place?"

The concealed figure took a moment to observe the time patroller as he was asked these questions. His posture was calm and collected as he sat up. "Who I am matters less than why I have called you here," the mysterious man answered truthfully. Taking off his hood revealing similar messy hair that Goku Jr would recognize before removing his own mask revealing a similar face, a similar red bandana on his forehead worn like a headband, and a scar on his cheek that the Saiyan Prince of Fire Mountain immediately recognized. "You already know who I am. All of the various gods have whispered it to you."

Goku Jr took a moment to process what he had just heard and then recognized that this was a Saiyan. "Bardock from an alternate future," Goku Jr finally said and he saw the man before him and acknowledgment. "To be specific a version who was a time patroller that became a Time Breaker and then came back to the light. Why would you call me here to this place?"

"Because even after all of the accomplishments you've made in the Time Patrol, you still have such little understanding of the world," the alternate version of Goku Jr's grandfather simply answered. His demeanor was much calmer than what Goku Jr had expected as he continued to sit there but his eyes were piercing towards the younger Saiyan. "You've learned so much but yet you still know so little.... You still don't understand the world and how it works. Not fully."

Goku Jr could not help but feel a great sense of confusion from hearing all of this. There was so much he wanted to ask or to counter. What was this version of his grandfather saying? "Along with the rest of the time Patrol, I've been working so hard to make sure that the world has been in balance," he slowly began to explain trying to find the words carefully as he thought about it deeper. So much he wanted to explain all of the things that not only he has done but everyone that exists in the Time Patrol. All of the accomplishments of every mortal in God who have actively tried to preserve balance in all of reality. To protect it at all costs. "We serve the light to the best of our ability, and try to resist the temptations of the dark..... As many of the gods have intended..."

The strange version of Bardock took a moment to process everything he was told. Taking every detail in before taking a deep breath and letting out a sigh. It was clear that he had called him for the right reasons. It was time to share the truth about the world. The world that Goku Jr will be forced to live in, the world that all living beings have to live in. A world that many do not understand, nor the problems with the true world. And how every single living being may unintentionally be playing a part in the many problems of it. "The light..." He then began to explain. "The dark... These are nothing but fragments of a much greater truth. A truth beyond the understanding of most people in the entire Omniverse." He then took a moment to think about how to word his next thoughts carefully. "Tell me Goku, do you genuinely believe that the world that we live in, across all timelines realities, universes, realms, and multiverses are as binary and straightforward as all of your friends, family and comrades, along with other gods and angels teach?"

Goku Jr took a moment to think about what he heard as he thought about the words carefully. Trying to figure out how to say the words that he needed to say. The thoughts swarming like a storm is he slowly began to think about what he wanted to say. "The world is balance," Goku Jr tried to explain. "The light preserves life and the darkness consumes it. And I've seen the consequences of both."

"Ah yes, balance," the alternate version of Bardock then said in a calm manner. "A word spoken so often, but rarely understood. You believe that the light and the dark are separate. Opposites in an eternal struggle of chaos. But what if they're not? What if they are one? A river, or perhaps even an ocean of many currents, and many directions flowing endlessly."

"That sounds like the teachings of a Time breaker or a demon god," Goku Jr pointed out as he thought about it more and more. "I've seen the power of darkness twist minds and people's way of thinking. Bending it to various types of selfish will. I've seen that darkness twist the minds of individuals that were innocent at first but became monsters in the end. It destroys."

The alternate version of Bardock then took a deep breath before he then spoke the words carefully. It wasn't the fact that what he had to say was meeting to be watched but rather how he could explain it to the best of his ability. "I was a time Breaker once, as well as a soldier of the Frieza Force," this version of Bardock said. "I wielded the darkness as my power multiple times, and yes, it destroys. But so does the light, Goku. Those not willing to listen or to truly understand different perspectives have destroyed, on all sides. Demons, mortals, and gods alike. Many individuals with their refusal to act. Their blind adherence to their own principles, regardless of what they were, destroyed civilizations, worlds and even galaxies, and more. Entire generations throughout history lost because many clung on to their own sense of righteousness."

Goku Jr remains calm but he felt every word that he heard as he took a deep breath trying to explain everything. "The Time Patrol has learned from their mistakes," Goku Jr began to explain as he slowly but surely thought of the words to say. "The Time Patrol serves the people of the Omniverse. Not dogma and principles."

The alternate Bardock looked at the other saying as he slowly began to challenge that perspective. "Have you?" He asked him carefully but it was clear that he was challenging the younger Time Patroller's perspective but not in a condescending or hateful way. "Or do you simply wear different chains? The world does not belong to the Time Patrol, the Time Breakers, nor anyone else in that matter. It is beyond your teachings, and even beyond mine. Beyond anyone's of that matter. It is Life, death, creation and destruction. And yet you, like many before you, from various different sides of the world spectrum, simply seek to control it. Turn it into something safe. Something that you could comprehend."

Goku Jr looked down a bit as he thought about it more. Staring deeply at the snow beneath him as he finally took a deep breath. "Perhaps that is true," he then finally confessed. Clearly deep in thought as he thought about everything and taking the words he heard into consideration. Perhaps there was a clear intent of understanding this perspective and way of thinking rather than trying to outright denounce it. "But without guidance, the world becomes pure chaos. We have both seen and experienced what happens when power is completely left unchecked by anyone."

The alternate version of Bardock then slowly but surely looked down a bit before looking back at the Younger Saiyan. It was clear that there was more understanding from this Saiyan than he originally believed. "Unchecked power is not the world's flaw Goku," the Scarred Saiyan then reminded the other. "Rather it is ours. You, like some, fear chaos, so you impose order. There are others who fear insignificance so they seek and impose dominance and self-validation. Both are prisons, built by those too afraid to face the ultimate truth if the world."

"And what is that truth?" Goku Jr then questioned as he slowly but surely showed a bit of caution with the words spoken next until they were spoken.

"That the world simply does not care," the alternate version of Bardock simply said. His voice was still calm and collected but there was adamancy and absolution in those words. "It does not choose sides. Nor side with anyone. It simply is. The Time Patrol, many of the demon realm, and many others across the Omniverse, we've tried to bend it to our will and our way of thinking, and to define it. But the world does not bend to our will and it is beyond definition. It is freedom itself. And freedom is terrifying."

Goku Jr then began to look down and it was easy to see the doubt in his expression. Not of what he was hearing but of the world as a whole. It was clear that he was now questioning his own beliefs and philosophies. "If what you say is true, then what would be the point in fighting?" He then began to ask as he slowly but surely was showing more of his doubt as he began to question more. And he had every right to question what he was hearing in fact it was encouraged by the one he was speaking to. What the Saiyan Prince of Fire Mountain did not realize was that this version of Bardock wasn't trying to force him to believe one way. But rather to question every belief, including his own. "What would be the point in struggling at all against anything?"

"Because it is the struggle that defines us, Goku," this version of Bardock said softly, but firmly as well. Clear words of wisdom rather than condemnation. "Not the outcome. Not being right or wrong. Not victory or defeat. Nor success or failure. It is in the struggle that we go through that we find meaning. It allows us to broaden our horizons and perspectives. It is the struggle that gives us purpose. Allowing us to grow and improve. I fought as a savior, as a destroyer, and as something in between. And through it all, I've learned this very truth. I've learned that if you truly wish to understand the world, you must let go of your need to control it."

"To let go of everything?" Goku Jr then began to question and there was a bit of hesitation and fear in his voice. Clear doubt and for the first time ever here, uncertainty in this entire conversation.

"Of your fear," the older, and even wiser saiyan then began to say. The words now truly understood from the other as he spoke further. "Your pride, Your certainty, and your need to be "correct". Only then will you be able to see the world for what it truly is. Infinite, untamed, unpredictable, and beautiful. The answers you seek will not come easily, but if you are willing to open your mind and allow yourself to truly see, they will eventually come."

It was at that point the two began to part ways in different directions with the alternate version of Bardock walking further into the forest and Goku Jr going back the way he came. Once this version of Bardock had disappeared from Goku Jr.'s line of sight, he fully began to head back home. His mind swelling with thoughts of this whole encounter. He came here seeking answers. Now he was leaving with much greater wisdom.

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poeticcries · 3 months ago

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To Disassociate

(,This is a short poem in which will be entered into a contest that has a max requirement of 28 lines. I originally submitted a different poem that I've posted on here called "If I Could" which had met all of the contest entry requirements except the max line length. So I wrote this poem specifically with the contest entry requirements in mind and to try to describe very briefly what it feels like living with disassociative disorder. The contest prize is 2,000 dollars. plus publishing ! II am currently entering several contest that offer publication and cash prizes. From many different venues! If you would like to know where and how to submit your poetry into any of these contest I can send you links if you let me know. Wish me luck! I'm hoping to win several cash prizes and hopefully have some of my work published and recognized! )

First I feel it rushing through my head

The lighting dims, My vision blurs

And nothing around me makes sense

This is where I start to fade

Or a More proper term would be this is where I start to dissociate

Or at least that's what the doctors say it is anyways

But not for me you see

It's different to experience it

It's like I'm shifting

As I enter into another dimension an alternate reality

Where I'm me but somehow different

How do I explain how it feels to have to live this

And right about now I've lost all my senses and I'm about to pass out

I fall fast to the ground

But I guess I'm use to this by now

When I feel like I'm someone else but I'm still me somehow

#deep thoughts poetry #poets on tumblr #writers on tumblr #love poem #my writing #original poem #poetry #poems on tumblr #short poem

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drdemonprince · 2 years ago

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Hey Devon,

I've been thinking a lot lately about the idea of there being a hard line between "autistic" and "not autistic". Do you think that there exists some kind of innate Truth about each person, that they are either autistic or not? I guess I'm referring to the concept of a neurotype, where differences run deep, and are bridged only at a surface level, by masking/compensation. Something which, if we could measure it well enough, would clearly and unfailingly differentiate between autistic and non-autistic people.

The alternative, I suppose, is that there are grey areas, people who are in between. In that case, I struggle to understand what autism is - a category that's defined by society more than by physical reality? In that case, can you be sort-of-autistic or almost-autistic or barely-autistic? I have the sense that this is the more common situation when it comes to psychology, but it doesn't really line up with how we talk about autism.

I already went through all this with gender some years ago, and I got the answers I needed there by slowly transitioning, but I'm not sure if there's a similarly satisfying path to closure when it comes to autism. I mean, I'm both self- and formally-diagnosed anyway, but it does niggle at me. I feel like I'm in that grey area if it exists.

Keen to hear your thoughts!

I think this article about sums up my thoughts!

There is no blood test for Autism, or brain scan, or single gene we can look for, or objective measure that gives a definitive answer. All we have are flawed assessments created by non-Autistic mental health professionals, and the observations and critiques written by Autistic people themselves.

When someone comes to me wondering if they are Autistic, I always have the same advice: read writing by Autistics. Watch videos by Autistic people. Try out resources designed for Autistics, like Ear Defenders, stim toys, and weighted blankets. Join an Autistic community space, whether that’s a virtual meeting, an in-person one, or a social media hub. Explore the possibilities, and focus less on discovering objective “truth,” and more on finding what helps you feel more happy, connected, and whole.

I don’t believe in drawing an arbitrary line in the sand and saying a sufficient number of traits (or intensity of traits) makes someone categorically Autistic, especially considering that many undiagnosed Autistics have been forced to hide their more obvious traits for decades. If you have some Autistic traits but not others, it’s possible you have generalized anxiety, PTSD, OCD, social anxiety, or ADHD. Look into those disorders and their communities too. See if there are resources that are useful to you there. You can be promiscuous — we won’t get jealous. A lot of us have multiple conditions anyway. Or feel at home in multiple mental health communities, if you prefer.

As your question acknowledges, Autism is a spectrum. Or as others have written, a sundae bar with a variety of toppings. If you are somewhere on the spectrum, you’re on the spectrum; you don’t have to be the most intensely Autistic person around to count. Even if you actually have a “sister condition” like ADHD, you might still feel at home among Autistic folks, and if that’s the case, you belong too.

I have said this many times, but people need the reassurance very often: if you feel at home in the community, if you benefit from resources designed by and for Autistic people, if you recognize you share common interests with us and you want to fight alongside us for greater disability justice, you belong in the neurodiverse community. Full stop. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

You can use whatever words for yourself you feel most comfortable with, Anon, or you can just enter neurodiverse community spaces without claiming a label. You don’t owe anyone proof, and you don’t have to be “Autistic enough” to matter and belong here. We are stronger together. We’re a big, diverse rainbow, and you are welcome inside it.

In other words, I think the conclusion is very much the same one we arrive at re: queerness. The real question is never "is this individual person Autistic", it's "are all people harmed by the social mandate that we all be neurotypical" and the answer to that one is always yes. How we personally reconcile that fact wrt our own lives and how we choose to identify is up to us. we can really answer that personal question however we like.

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sketching-shark · 1 year ago

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This may or may not have asked more than once but I wanted to ask— what is your favorite alternate universe or stories of jttw in Tumblr? I've seen the glorious works of Kaijufluffs and kiri with her monkey business (may be some lmk here and there), but so far that's the only things in my list. There was also that one jttw artist and their au but like, it was from the 2015 movie (I think) and somehow integrated w the west pantheon too (their name might've been sun or something)

If you do and can, can you list down ur fav AUS and what you think of them? I've been following ur blog for a while and wanted to ask (but I've just been too shy)

Thanks for the question anon! And yes! There are definitely some fun JTTW aus out there; people on this site are incredibly creative.

So to begin, are you talking about the aus made by @sunny-days-and-warm-mournings? Because I know that they've come up with a number of AUs, and that from what I've seen they're all bangers with all sorts of interesting takes and flavors, from making everyone's favorite monkey more a god of food to a terrifying death deity! As you can imagine this has led to many a stellar design from the whimsical to the horrific for all of these monkey kings, each of which is fully worth checking out. tbh I feel like you should just scroll through their gallery to find them all & will promise that you won't be disappointed.

If you're looking for something a little more lego show flavored, then you should check out @digitaldoeslmk's "by the book au!" Its Monkey King is extremely fun sized, and it's really neat for the way it explores heartfelt sides to MK and friend's stories in a Monkie Kid scenario where JTTW happened according to Wu Cheng'en's story and where reality isn't constantly in danger so we see fun stuff like lion dancing and putting on plays and the warm interactions that come with it (& also where everyone isn't routinely yelling about how awful & incompetent SWK is fsgreafw).

I also have to give a shout-out to @violetvirus for their JTTW cyberpunk au! It's got a very fun and bouncy cartoon vibe to it, and I love how SWK, Zhu Bajie, and Sha Wujing look as robots <3. There's hints of some interesting ways the JTTW scenario works with a cyberpunk setting, as well as some moments of silliness like this banger:

Last but certainly not least, and while its been awhile since he posted, I would definitely recommend checking out @antidotefortheawkward and @antidotefortheawkward-art's blogs for his JTTW AUs! Seriously, his blogs are cornucopias of wonderful JTTW aus, from an actors AU to a triad AU to a Lotus Lantern AU to a post-JTTW JTTW au! Each of these really shows a lot of attention and care for the characters and the details of the world they inhabit from clothing to religion to history, which as you can imagine opens up multiple opportunities for some really lovely, heartfelt, and overall great interactions. A few personal favorites include this comic of an conversation between Sun Wukong and Liu Chenxiang of Lotus Lantern fame:

A comic about Sun Wukong's reactions after first learning that Xiyouji included details about his time as Puti Zushi's tudi:

And to end on something a little darker, a comic for his JTTW-ish/Macbeth au.

So those are the JTTW aus I can think of at the top of my head, but I sincerely hope you find them as fun and interesting as I do anon! And needless to say if anyone has a JTTW au that they think worth sharing, please do so.

#anon answered #jttw au #man #pretty incredible just how many different stories Xiyouji has been the inspiration for #from multi-million productions #to people on tumblr

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rivensdefenseattorney · 1 year ago

Text

The Rewrite is Live!

Happy New Years!

I hope everyone is doing well during this holiday season, and that the new year treats you well.

I finally figured out how to get on Ao3 to post the first chapter of the rewrite. I know it's the preferred site for many, but I can also look into posting it on alternative sites, such as Wattpad/FFN/etc. , if anyone is interested.

You can check out the first chapter here.

I feel like I still want to continue editing the chapter, but I need to move forward. I wanted to start the new year out by posting the first chapter, so I can track how much progress I make. Hopefully you all like it. I'll post a snippet of the fanfic here, so you'll know what to expect.

[Snippet]

Stella helped her Bloom up the steps and into the warmth of her home. Stella guided Bloom to her room, noticing the walls adorned with framed photographs of landscapes and bustling cityscapes. "Did you make these?" Stella asked, marveling at their detail.

Bloom nodded. "Yeah, I love photography. It's a way to capture moments, tell stories without words."

As they entered Bloom's room, Stella carefully helped her settle onto the edge of her bed, her eyes flitting around the space in fascination. Bloom's room was a cozy haven, with a desk adorned with sketches and bookshelves filled with various novels, comics, and journals. Among them, a collection of books on mythical creatures stood prominently on one shelf.

"Oh, these are just some silly sketches I did," Bloom murmured, a hint of embarrassment tinging her words as she noticed Stella's gaze sweeping across her drawings.

Stella, however, was fascinated. Her eyes twinkled with curiosity as she scanned the shelves and plucked a book about mermaids, flipping through its pages with interest.

"These are mythical creatures, right?" Stella inquired, her gaze shifting from the book to Bloom's sketches.

Bloom nodded hesitantly, a touch of self-consciousness in her demeanor. "Yeah, they're creatures from folklore and myths. I've always been fascinated by them, but I know they're not real."

Stella tilted her head, intrigued. "Actually, they are."

Bloom blinked in surprise, taken aback by Stella's response. "What do you mean? They're just stories."

"Stories based on real beings," Stella clarified, her eyes glinting with amusement. "Mermaids, dragons, fairies... they exist in our realm."

Bloom's jaw dropped slightly, stunned by Stella's revelation. "You're joking, right?"

Stella shook her head, a gentle smile on her face. "I'm serious. In the realm where I come from, these creatures are very much real. It's incredible to see your sketches of them. You have a unique talent to capture their essence."

Bloom's eyes widened in wonder and disbelief. For years, her fascination with mythical creatures was a private passion she believed to be purely imaginative. To hear Stella affirm their existence filled her with a sense of validation and joy she hadn't experienced before.

"You're the first person who's ever said something like that," Bloom admitted, a sparkle of excitement lighting up her features.

Stella grinned, delighted to share this newfound connection. "Well, believe me, there's a whole world of magic out there waiting to be discovered. Your drawings... they're like glimpses into our reality."

Bloom couldn't contain her grin, a rush of happiness swelling within her. Finally, someone else understood her fascination with the mystical world, validating her lifelong belief in magic. It was a connection she cherished, knowing that she wasn't alone in her fascination.

Stella joined Bloom on her bed, allowing her to feel an unusual sense of ease as she confided in Stella. Her gaze drifted to the window, where the soft moonlight filtered in, casting a serene glow across the room.

"You know, Stella," Bloom began, her voice carrying a contemplative tone, "I've never quite felt like I truly belong here on Earth. It's always felt... small, you know? Limited. There's this constant feeling, this certainty, that there's something more out there waiting for me."

Stella listened intently, her eyes reflecting understanding and empathy. She nodded gently, encouraging Bloom to share more.

"I've dreamt of something bigger, something beyond this world," Bloom continued, her words tinged with a hint of longing. "And now, with all this talk of magic and other realms... it's like a door has been opened to that possibility."

Stella placed a comforting hand on Bloom's shoulder. "Sometimes, feeling out of place is just a sign that there's a different path waiting for you, one that resonates more with who you truly are."

Bloom offered a small smile, grateful for Stella's understanding. "Thank you, Stella. I need some time to process all of this. Can you do me a favor and tell Ms. Faragonda that I'll have an answer for her by the end of the month?"

Stella nodded in agreement. "Of course, Bloom. I'll convey your message to her. But I should probably start heading out soon. Your parents might be worried about you."

Bloom glanced at the clock and realized the lateness of the hour. "Yeah, you're right. Thanks again, Stella. For everything."

As Stella made her way to the door, she turned back to Bloom with a reassuring smile. "Take your time, Bloom. You'll know what's right for you when the time comes, and remember, you're never alone in this."

#winx rewrite #winx #winx club #winx club fanfiction #winx fanfic #winx club fanfic #winx club rewrite #winx stella #winx bloom

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polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup · 2 years ago

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nhthcth is so damn good i can't even handle it. What really got me this most rescent update is how well you write Elias. He's threatening, terrifying even, but in a way that feels unique to you and much closer to canon than a lot of other fic I've seen him in. Can you talk about how you approach writing Mr. Eyeball Bastard Man?

Eliassssss oh I hate the bastard. So do y’all, based on the sheer number of death threats he gets every single chapter.

If I’m doing fanfiction, I’m usually playing off of a canon character who already has an established personality that I’m trying to at least get in the ballpark range of. So what I usually do is pick a few dominant core traits and then adapt them for the events of the narrative. Here’s what I focused on for Elias in nhthcth:

1. Total lack of empathy.

This was one of the biggest ones for making Elias such a huge threat in nhthcth and just making him so terrible. It’s also the trait that I think ties him the most to canon elias.

I see a lot of fanfictions where Elias is a lot more caring or attentive or just pulls more of his punches in comparison to his canonical self, and for me, it’s the biggest separation between canon elias and some depictions of him in fanon. This happens a good deal with fics that do involve Jon as a child—which, you know, is a playground nhthcth is kicking around sand in.

And I want to be so clear that I am not knocking or criticising those fanfictions. I have so much fun with them and they do a lot of good work. A lot of the time, the authors aim probably isn’t even to have their elias be like canon elias—it’s fanfiction. It is defined by taking creative liberties, and the way they execute their eliases are all extremely fun and enjoyable and interesting in their own unique way. The only thing I would say is that I really would not see canon elias making those same decisions—which is probably a statement that can be made about some of the decisions nhthcth elias makes, because I am not jonny sims and I, too, am taking creative license and engaging in fanfiction. Which is a very longwinded aside, but it’s important for me to say that I am not at all trying to insult these works of other authors who I deeply respect.

I also think it’s important to note that I feel Elias’s cruelty and lack of empathy takes child Jon fics and nhthcth specifically into darker waters than most want to be in. Like, fundamentally, Jon’s a kid. Due to the nature of Becoming, he is having his soul slowly eaten while he’s still alive to experience it. It’s very dark, heavy subject matter all circulating around a very young protagonist.

The thing is that I really like dissecting the practical implications of a narrative decision and embracing the ugly reality of it. Like, if it’s just a potential consequence that doesn’t have any real narrative merit and I can go with a happier alternative, I will go with the happier alternative but it sort of bugs me if I sort of like, shy away from the inherent implications of something. At the same time, I really dont want to fetishize bad things happening, particularly to young characters. Like sometimes, it just gets gratuitous, and I don’t like that either. I mostly try to edge around some of the worst of it by implying what happened rather than showing the actual scenes, but it’s a hard balance to strike, particularly when you tend towards angst in general and when a lot of the characters you’re writing about are children.

Like, nhthcth was both spurred from my interest in mr spider and how it could have gone different, but also in the fact that by the time canon Jon enters the narrative, most of the major actors in this supernatural underground are already gone. Gerry is dead, so is Dekker and Gertrude and Agnes Montague, so you have this sort of mental image of a golden age already passed. Most of the people who defined the landscape are already taken out of commission by the time Jon even approaches the edges of what’s happening, and I really wanted to write a Jon that participated in that period of time, which meant he had to get involved much earlier than he did and it spiralled from there, which left me stuck grappling with the practical implications of such a metaphysically horrifying experience as Becoming being visited upon a very young boy.

in a similar way, toy rosaries deals in an adult Matt Murdock and was really sourced in a desire to have Jack Murdock alive and kicking at the time daredevil is around, but you have to figure out how Matt’s still daredevil if jacks not dead, the clearest narrative divergence point is jacks death, Matt being kidnapped then was the clearest way to put him in sticks path, human trafficking was the only thing I thought the mob would practically do as retaliation that wasn’t killing Matt as a lesson to Jack, which sort of leaves me figuring out how to handle the practical realities of something as horrible as human trafficking and what’s likely to happen as a result.

Which is another long winded way of saying that deciding how far is far enough with cruelty, particularly when your child is a protagonist, is a difficult balancing act to strike and most writers probably don’t want to go quite so far as nhthcth does.

all of that being said, i just think canon elias would not nearly go to the sheer effort that he does in a lot of fics that i've seen. once again i have SO MUCH FUN watching him do it still and this is not to insult those fics, i love them too and think they're fantastic, they're just playing in the sandbox a different way than i am.

usually his care or effort is sourced in canon traits. The most common one i've personally seen is Elias doing it out of service to the Eye, who is Obsessed with Jon.

And this makes sense! The Eye has always, even in canon, shown a sort of increased attention to jon. Jon got a lot of stuff from the Eye that Elias never did in canon, even pre apocalypse. Post apocalypse, he was its Special Little Boy and the Eye was basically pspspspspspspsp'ing for its beloved archivist to shank elias in his little fear cocaine rave discoball so Jon could be the Most Specialist Boy In The Universe, despite the fact that Jon did this purely against his will and Elias has been its dedicated acolyte for literal centuries. The man is still getting his shit rocked by someone who isn't even on the police force anymore in his shitty little jail cell without any supernatural healing that we know of. Jon's over there having the worst fucking time of his life, been here for fucking twelve and a half minutes, and he's already curb stomping Peter Lukas in the depths of his own Entity and supernaturally healing from injuries and this is all happening with his active disapproval. Jon has a permanent google doc open on his laptop titled "resignation letter if i ever fucking gain the ability to quit without having to gouge out my own eyes or if local gayboy agrees to do self mutilation with me and run off to smooch in cottagecore bliss in which case i care less about the eye thing" and the Eye still thinks he's the most favoritist boy around. Elias is trying his best to bring his master into reality to realize its terrible purpose and the Eye is still making him schlep down to his old body with a very confused mailroom twink to manually gouge out his eyes in what must be a painful and messy process that's embarrassing for everyone. Like, elias probably doesn't have that much upper body strength. is it. is it hard to overpower the local stoner with a flat ass and poor observational skills. does he ever slip on the blood. does it ruin his clothes. does he. does he ever mess up with the, the eye thing. the removal thing. it's probably so gross. like the entire process is just extremely inelegant and probably embarrassing. Jon just fucking got here and didn’t even want to be here and the Eye is lavishing him with gifts and attention like he’s its favorite babygirl, and elias is looking on with resentment after clocking hundreds of years of dedicated service like “I could be babygirl” but he can’t he can’t be babygirl he will NEVER be babygirl

It's also canonically suggested through agnes montague that child avatars tend to be a lot closer to their entities and more powerful than people who become avatars as an adult. i have my own theories as to why this may be, but if you combine that with Jon's own unusually strong connection to the Eye, then it's safe to say that the Eye in these fics is going to be very much transfixed with baby jon.

But my own personal theories about the Entitles means that this would, in no way, require Elias to show even the barest amount of mercy towards jon.

This is a another MASSIVE DIVERGENCE that i won't really break down for the sake of like, the poor souls pinponging along this explanation with me, but I have a bit of a background in Classical tradition, including greek and roman philosophy. And I find the entities intensely fascinating, because how they're discussed metaphysically is really similar to how the classical tradition approaches metaphisics as well.

The thing is that, at their core, the Entities only are what they are, which is a very classical approach to metaphysics. The Eye is the horrible fear of being exposed, seen, known, by something cruel and uncaring, among other things. So Jon can compel truths from you with great ease, because that draws directly from the Eye's wheelhouse. But he couldn't compel you to lie. Moreover, I'd go so far as to say the Eye is metaphysically estopped from lying to him. Everything he Knows has to be true, because the Eye's very being is formed of this fear of horrible truths.

And I'd say that the Eye would never care about whether or not Jon is happy or treated well because that simply is not in the realm of what it is. The Eye is a thing that is metaphysically incapable of love in the way that you or I understand it. It is a direct product of the negative emotion of Fear, and as a result, something like concern or care for its most beloved avatar's wellbeing is something entirely alien to its very existence. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that it enjoys jon's own pain and suffering, because that is the only thing that it is capable of.

And this is something that I try to imply pretty directly in the most recent chapter of nhthcth. Jon straight up says that the Eye loved him for the pain he felt.

The Eye's entire existence, it's sole natural law purpose, is entirely directed towards fear, pain, suffering, and its consumption. If the Eye loves something, then that must be a very terrible thing, because it is only truly capable of causing pain.

And that's fascinating in the context of Avatars, because avatars are repeatedly shown to enjoy what they are. They're not really trapped in pain and suffering--they delight in it, actually. But I think the answer to why that is is most clearly seen in the act of Becoming.

Jane Prentiss is an excellent case study, because we have a statement from her in the moments before she fully Became. Even in the moments of her most devoted fervor, there's a deep, existential pain in her words. She doesn't like it. She came to the magnus institute not to gloat, but at a desperate final bid at being saved from the thing that was consuming her metaphysically in a way that caused such terrible pain that she could not put it into words.

And the thing is that I don't think it ever stopped hurting. I think that the Corruption just ate the part that remembered it was supposed to hurt. Her final form has some corroboration for this as well. She became a home for that which loved her, and that was a home riddled with holes. It must have hurt, having so many worms inside of her, burrowing and squirming and writhing. But she delighted in the pain, and I don't know if we can say that means it wasn't actually painful or that there has simply become something deeply perverse about her understanding of pain.

We see this in other avatars as well. Mike Crew, for all of his delight in the Vast, didn't actually seem to want to join it. he doesn't remember his own Becoming, and is deeply confused at his own jumbled recollections of being afraid because it's so incongruous with what he Became. But the outside statement discussing his Becoming corroborates that Mike Crew before he fell was desperate and afraid, and may not have truly wanted what he actually chosen. Once again, I don't think that Mike liked it, in truth. I think he just lost the bit of him that understood that it hurt.

Jon himself is an excellent case study as well. Season 2 is his most clear descent into what he becomes. That's where he starts developing his abilities most clearly, and, more important, that's where he begins to feed his god in earnest. he reads the statements, and the Eye feeds from him, but I think a far more definitive act that sent him towards his own becoming as the fact that he was stalking his coworkers that season. He was inciting in them a fear of paranoia and being watched that the Eye must have delighted in--and we see that he actually did cause this pain particularly in Tim's own deep-seated resentment towards Jon that is never truly resolved.

And I think that we never seen in canon the true depths of how profoundly Jon must have hurt Tim in the scope of Season 2. Tim is not only Jon's closest friend in the Archive--he's extremely strongly implied to be his closest friend in the Institute and possibly his closest friend at all at this point in time. Now, it's also shown that Sasha and Tim were likely closer to one another than Jon and Tim ultimately were, but it's still undeniable that the bond that Tim and Jon had must have been a very, very deep one in Season 1.

Tim is the only person that Jon actually asks to come with him to the Archives. He is shown to care deeply about Sasha--most notably in the sheer grief he felt about her death but also in his concern for her with Michael's first appearances--but it's unclear how much of that, if any, predated the Archives, and how much of that is just Jon's general care for people around him. Tim is the one that he actively wants to be with him in a job promotion he's later shown to be deeply insecure and fearful about, and while that may be just a general appreciation for his work ability, when he's in the Archives, Tim is the one that he repeatedly goes to for help with the most sensitive topics he has, such as Oliver Bank's initial statements. Jon in Season 1 is explicitly stated to be held deeply in the grasp of a very old fear of his, and most of his most prickly actions--namely, his blind insistence on tearing apart statements--is a desperate attempt to protect himself from a primordial fear that is likely of similar nature to the worst thing that ever happened to him. The fact that Jon, in the depths of a very deep and old fear, trusted Tim not to hurt him, suggests a relationship that had a very solid foundation prior to season 2. The fact that it is after tim nearly dies a horrible, painful death helping save someone who was likely one of his closest friends is the point where that friend decides he's completely untrustworthy begets a horribly violation that Tim has every right to feel betrayal for.

And I think that the sheer terror of being stalked itself must have been horribly painful for Tim as well. In the intervention, he has this line with a lot of tense anger where he says "He was watching my house." And I can't help but wonder how long it took Tim to figure that out.

He has his own trauma around the supernatural a la Danny that's been exacerbated by a very recent life or death spooky scenario. He starts to realize he's being stalked. He feels himself being watched. He likely doesn't realize it's Jon right away. All he knows that there's someone in his bushes, following him home, and he can feel eyes on him that hold nothing but malice. It must have hurt like nothing else when he realized Jon was the one who caused such horrible fear in him. All of that likely made an amazing meal for the Eye, and Jon was probably unknowingly feeding off of him the entire time. Jon stalking his coworkers was also a choice, and it sent him hurdling along the path of becoming the same way the statements did.

But what's especially interesting in this is that the one who explicitly suffers from the most paranoia in Season 2 isn't Tim.

It's Jon.

He spends almost all of Season 2 in a state of total paranoia. Tim, or what we see in canon of him, doesn’t seem to ever get close to the sheer existential panic Jon casually lives in the entirety of season 2. It's a mania, and one that causes him almost constant suffering. He's in total, constant, crippling fear, and while it's posited that the Not Them was part of what caused this, I think it'd be a mistake to say that the Eye wasn't getting a meal of its own. Out of all the entities, the Eye is most closely tied to paranoia, and it's suggested that the Not Them only affected him to such a degree because of his relationship with the Eye. Jon's own Becoming is yet another example of how even the avatars of the Entities are not exempt from their gods, and in fact seem to suffer from them more directly than even some of the victims.

So at the end of the day, you have a child in Elias's sole control who has absolutely no one to advocate for him. The only interest of Elias's that he serves is the Eye, and if anything, the Eye itself is interested in his pain and suffering. The only person in this situation who could possibly show jon an ounce of mercy in this environment is Elias himself, and canon Elias has never once exhibited anything that suggests he ever would.

Repeatedly, Elias in canon is shown to elect for cruel detached watching even when mercy is an option that would cost him little to nothing. Barnabas Bennet came to him for help, and Elias plainly states that he liked Barnabas, collected his bones sadly, and could have saved him but chose not to. More interestingly, he says so in a Statement, where he cannot lie, because such a thing is anathema to what the Eye is. His sorrow at Barnabas's death must be to some degree genuine, but he still elected for cruelty. He states that he did it to see what would happen, which means its at least in part directed towards feeding the eye, but it is important to note that this decision can't be laid entirely at the Eye's feet. Elias was still in the very early stages of his becoming and had likely not yet even attempted the Watcher's Crown. Not only that, but to blame this decision entirely on the Eye's hunger would directly ignore the thematic importance of choice in tma.

Daisy is implied to be one of the strongest, if not the strongest, avatar of the hunt around. She's actively starving herself, and she still fairly easily scares off Trevor and Julia, despite the fact that Trevor is an experienced, fully realized hunter who had gone through the process of dying and choosing his god, and Julia is in her prime and at least a third generation hunter. Daisy at the start is also very cruel in how she feeds her god, and she's shown to revel in it, much like Elias.

But she still abandoned a hunt for Basira. Even as far gone as she was when she went after Jon in the forest, she gave up a hunt at least in part because Basira asked her to. At the time Barnabas Bennet got stuck in the lonely, Elias was probably a common bitch who could probably barely even get a spooky heads up about the lunch specials, and he still decided to watch a friend's horrible, slow demise for basically no reason. "I wanted to see what happened" the fuck do you think is going to happen, elias. if you really wanted to know, you could have traded mordechai someone you didn't have homoerotic tension with to watch in the lonely and still gotten to save your probable ex-boy toy. Elias picked to be cruel, and the things you pick hold some of the greatest weight in tma.

Elias also exhibits this tendency towards Jon pretty plainly in canon, with the most notable instance being jon's attack from prentiss. Jon almost died entirely because Elias was watching and waiting as the worms were eating him, despite being able to stop it at any time with the emergency extinguisher. He claims that this was to ensure the marks on him were deep, and while this may be true in part, i think there's an implicit drive of perverse enjoyment in that. Jon, after all, was already marked by the corruption at this point. He was marked earlier in the day, when the worms first ate into his leg. Elias could have hit the fire extinguisher before the worms even got close to him at the end, and Jon still would have bore the corruption's mark. There's nothing in canon to suggest that the marks even need to be particularly deep--in fact, it's pretty clearly suggested that they only necessitate a fear of his life without any real intensity qualifier past that, because the Desolation's mark came from one handshake, the vast was a bad tea date, and he just had to look at the science project of the fuckin' glue-eater entity that is the dark. He was suffering, and Elias was feeding the god of callous observation of suffering. I think he did it at least partially because he was cruel, and he enjoyed it, and he was not going to try and make getting what he wanted--jon marked--any less painful than he could. He may have needed Jon marked for what he wanted, but he chose to make it crueler than it had to be. He liked it.

Lastly, canon pretty directly states that elias wouldn't really give two shits about the fact that jon was a kid. He ended a world full of children and damned them to what he thought was an eternity of pain and suffering without so much as a blink of hesitation.

The fact that Elias consistently elects for the crueler option is something that i think that is pretty fundamental to his characterization in nhthcth, and I think it's what makes him as terrifying a villain as he is. Particularly in chapter 23, elias is just callous towards Jon and his emotional devastation.

Chapter 23 was meant to sort of be a bridging point between Jon as a child and Jon as an adult. As a child, he’s almost completely overwhelmed by the Eye, and he doesn't really have a reason to have hope for any other existence. He doesn't really remember a life before this, and he knows that what's happened to him is so absolute that he can't go back to what he was before. He has multiple scenes where he's shown to not want to be what he is right now or stay where he is, but they're pretty directionless. He goes to the park; he comes back; he doesn't run because he can't think of anywhere to run to. He can't run from something living in his head, so he stagnates in this state where he wants to live any other life but can't think of another one to live.

But Jon as an adult, if anything, is more stuck than he was as a child. unlike before he ran away, he knows that the contract precludes any real chance of leaving. He's fully the Archivist, has been the Eye's avatar for much longer, and he knows enough about this world to know that even if he tried to leave, someone would come after him. If anything, he's got less reason to fight than ever.

But adult jon is marked by constant resistance--including seemingly meaningless resistance. Like, Jon has done absolutely everything he can to make sure that his captivity is not convenient for everyone else. Shit like having a deeply inappropriate out of office email, replying to HR messages with "hey i'm metaphysically bound to a monument of terror and cannot leave so i'm going to continue being a deeply unsettling and unwell man"--that doesn't do anything for him. Elias isn't going to let him go just because Jon's dedicated his life to making Elias seem like the world's shittiest adoptive parent who raised the world's least adjusted man. He's still got fight to him, and there's this lingering question of why when so much of his fight just doesn't serve any real goal of his and Elias will retaliate if he pushes too far.

And I think the reason why is because Jon in chapter 23 experiences a loss he's never going to forget or recover from, and while he may not be able to change that, he won't let Elias forget it either.

Jon in chapter 23 is effectively mourning the loss of his own personhood and his family. His grief is tangible, and it's strong enough to drive him for the rest of his life. And I think one of the cruelest things Elias does in the fic is trivialize his pain.

It's insult to injury to insult. Jon becomes physically ill on more than one occasion with how much distress he's in, and Elias calls him dramatic for it. Jon's having a total breakdown, and Elias is calling him selfish because this may require him to have to move around his schedule.

And all of that isn't needed for Elias's purposes, at the end of the day. Jon is trapped by the contract. He's feeding on statements, and he's got every indication that the Eye will continue making Jon Become. Even if this was driven by a pure cold, calculated design to end the world, he could do it without the endless verbal digs that just demean Jon. His cruelty, that's a choice. He picked to do it, and he didn't have to. it's not just that what happened to Jon was a necessary evil to make someone capable of wearing the watcher's crown; he's got moments where he could show mercy and still get what he wants, and he picks to be crueler.

at the end of the day, he is the one in almost absolute control over jon from a very young age, and he will not stay his own hand. Jon is a hurt, frightened, desperate child, and he does not care. He has no real affection for him past his own smug self-satisfaction at having created a child who could wear the watcher's crown. He has some incentive for Jon to be hurt, but even when he doesn't have incentive for that, he will affirmatively elect for the more painful option. I think canon elias would be making a lot of the same decisions, and that's one of the most horrible bits about Elias having a child as young as jon under his control. Some of his worst, most villainous lines and actions was a direct result of the fact that he could ease up on what he’s doing and every time he chooses to hurt Jon more.

2. Avoidance of responsibility.

Elias in canon is fascinating because some of his most memorable monologues center on him preaching on personal choice and responsibility, and yet the character who most often dodges his own complicity in what happened. The only time he actively accepts responsibility in what he's done is when he's gloating about it, most plainly seen when Daisy's got a fucking gun on him and Jon literally just crawled out of his own grave and would happily put Elias there in his stead, and Elias is taking his sweet fucking time telling everyone in a room full of people that want to kill him that he did every last thing because he wanted to and enjoyed it, and no one made him do a damn thing.

Any other time, however, he's repeatedly trying to flip the script and make it all about everyone else's personal responsibility. He's over here telling Jon that he chose and picked every last thing he did to become, and while that may be true, he neglects the important little detail that it'd be batshit fucking insane from the get out to assume that this normal job promotion to be what Jon seems to think is a librarian with more dust would incontrovertibly bind him to evil god. He made the choices, but he made them in a culture of ignorance that elias purposefully cultivated and literally killed to maintain, and if you're looking to attribute responsibility for this, then the responsibility is most plainly laid at Elias's feet.

Casting other people's righteous pain and indignation at what he did to them as something that's their fault is a favorite manipulation tactic for elias, but I think it becomes especially egregious in nhthcth, because he's using it against someone who is a child. Jon as a kid cannot parse through Elias's blame-giving in the same way Jon as an adult potentially could have--his brain is literally not developed enough. And while Jon as an adult at the very least assumed a little risk by taking a job at spooky central (not to mention the blame he has to bear for some of his more egregious activities, like stalking his coworkers, even if it is mitigated by the fact that he was in a state of extreme mental distress), Jon in nhthcth was a scared little boy afraid of being eaten who begged him for help. In response, Elias just fed jon to something else. He's doing the exact same things as he does in canon and using the exact same manipulation strategies, but it makes for an almost more horrifying action, because he's doing it against a little boy who bears absolutely no blame or responsibility in what happened to him, who was hurt on a much deeper level, and who just cannot defend himself against elias or his claims.

3. Arrogance.

Lastly, one of the most important aspects of elias as a character that I really tried to underscore in nhthcth is that he just is not as smart as he thinks he is.

Elias in canon has cast himself as this grand player in a game of cosmic proportions, which is hilarious, because he's actually the biggest clown in a community that literally has an entirely separate evil circus. there are literal clowns and he's outstripping them with ease.

Fundamentally, elias is a fucking schmuck.

He's a pawn from the start, and canon I feel is pretty clear about that. Most of his grandest successes in this game are either fed to him by the Web or him playing right into the hands of the Web's plans, which, of course, conclude with him being shanked by his own employee who probably hadn't even been with the company for like, that long. He only finds out about the Entities because the web arranges for it.

Even his final victory was honestly pretty hollow. I mean, the apocalypse happened, he took his place in the panopticon, but he was just a glorified disco ball huffing fear like paint fumes. Granted, he was in much better straits than everyone else, but I think there’s something innately human in the idea that we want more form life than the bare sensation of pleasure, which is what Elias’s life devolves into. He’s just in this weird fugue state mindlessly consuming fear which is just… pathetic, honestly.

It’s especially ironic in light of why he even incites the apocalypse. He does it, effectively, so no one else can do it to him. He starts trying to stop it from ever happening, decides instead it’s better to fuck over anyone else than be the one who gets fucked over. It’s also probably influenced in no small part by his deep fear of death.

The irony comes, of course, in the fact that he trapped himself and everyone else in a doomed world where death was guaranteed. While time didn’t exist in the apocalypse, so we can’t say if it was longer or shorter than his worldly life, he arguably could have survived longer if he just kept body hopping through trust fund twinks in a world where he could have kept getting his daily Starbucks and slutting around with whoever the new dumbest person in the Lukas family lineage was.

The fact that Elias always was a sacrificial lamb to the Web’s ultimate plot really just puts the final nail in just how outclassed he was in canon. He spent his entire existence trying to crown himself king of a ruined world, and when he finally got there, all he did was snort fear coke in the world’s carcass and then immediately get sacrificed because he was only ever just a placeholder for the Web's actual victory.

like in canon, Elias in nhthcth seems to think he occupies the role of a chess master navigating this grand scheme. however, like in canon, he's a fucking dumbass eating glue.

It's important to note that Elias's biggest victories are all the direct product of him skating through cheap advantages rather than any actual intelligence or skill. The real leverage that Elias has over Jon and everyone else is the contract. He is able to control a lot because none of them can physically get away or kill him. But the thing is that it's very easy to call yourself a chess master when you're a grown ass adult who signs up for the kiddie league.

Jon is fucking eight and knows jack shit about what's going on when he's trapped by Elias, and he has been skating off that victory ever since. Like, congrats, man, you barely squeaked out a success against someone who is in the third grade. Way to go, you special little man.

Part of his real downfall is that he's just not the player he thinks he is. He goes to his end having played his part in a performance that was never particularly creative to begin with. He hit everyone of his pre-written lines without missing a beat, and he died on cue, just as pathetic as he always was. He goes to his death as a patsy that lived just as long as he needed to.

I wanted to preserve that for nhthcth. I wanted his downfall to be linked to his own overestimation of his worth and his fatal flaws.

Elias throughout the fic is pretty insistent on making this show of someone who eternally has the upper hand, and who's already won, that i think is consistent with him from canon. But if you look at what's happening substantively, Elias so seriously overplays his hand on multiple occasions that he really lays the groundwork for his own downfall.

Elias spends chapter 23 treating Jon like his resistance is already at its end. he's extremely confident about it too--he puts it at a couple months before it's all over. Of course, we see the timeline in 2013, and we know that for all of his confidence, he is miserably wrong. Jon never forgets Gerry. He never stops hating Elias. He never stops fighting elias or what's happening to him. And I think that the way Elias approaches these facts is really indicative of the fact that he profoundly misunderstands jon as a person--almost entirely because he repeatedly discounts jon as a person. He treats jon like he's tangential to his own being, just person that unfortunately hasn't yet been stripped away from the Eye's vessel. And it's that arrogant dismissal that I think really sets him up for his own failure.

Not to take another divergence into another character, but Elias's main interactions in nhthcth take place with Jon, and I think to understand one you really need to understand another.

Jon was one of the harder characters to design for nhthcth, simply because his circumstances were so at odds with canon. It wouldn't make sense to have him start at the same characterization he had at season 1, simply because he knows so much more and his life experiences have been entirely different. At the same time, his characterization in later seasons were intensely the product of the events of canon, and they weren't a perfect match either. I ended up whittling him down to the base core of himself and sort of patchworking his different characteristics throughout the seasons back in.

And the thing is that i think at the most base, fundamental core of jon sims is that he will fight to the absolute end. he's just not guaranteed to be particularly good at it. And it's fascinating to me, because Jon's sheer drive towards resistance is something that seems to be dismissed time and time again by characters in canon, despite the fact that it really defines so much of who he is.

There's that Web statement, right? The Creature Feature one, about the movie production by Dexter Banks. The Statement details a Web Leitner that had been found by the director of a movie, about a spider that terrorized a small island town. The narrative lacked any real protagonist or hero, with each interlude ending with the slow, calm march of the character into the jaws of the spider. the closest thing that they get to a protagonist is a man on the island by chance, who serves as a connecting thread, wandering between and observing the islanders who all inevitably march into the spider's jaws. The actor playing this connecting thread on the film set was noted to seem to know more than everyone else, and who was the only one not excited, instead approaching this with more weariness and gravity. He would just spend his off hours smoking and reading, and when the time came and the Web claimed its victims in the actors, he led them all into the room without any resistance.

That episode seems to be a pretty clear analogy to Jon, right? You have the victims of the spider, paralleling statement givers, with the lone connecting thread wandering amongst them and watching their demise and the aftermath. But what's most interesting to me is this implication of going without resistance, because that's the place that Jon notably diverges.

Jon resisted pretty much every step of the way--he was just always outgunned, outmatched, and outclassed by people who had a lot more power and knowledge than him. But I think the fact that he constantly resisted was still important.

From the first episode, Jon has on display this instinct towards keeping himself contrary to the entities--he just never has the know-how to inform his resistance. he goes to ridiculous lengths to maintain his impression of skepticism, despite the fact that all three of his assistants call him out for how ludicrous it's getting, and yet he insists on maintaining it, because he thinks pretending not to know may help protect him from whatever's watching him. he just happened to be wrong.

he immediately tried to go after the not-them, but he again lacked the knowledge and skill to go up against it, but even when he was on the run, he was trying to leave tapes so people would remember his voice. When Michael was going to kill him, jon was trying to demand a way that he could get michael to spare his life--there just happened to not be any. He reaches the apocalypse, and he doesn't take up his role as the most important eye boy around--he tries to find the way to fix it. Even towards the very end, Jon tries to fight the Web's plans for him and to put it all to an end--it's just the web took his resistance into account and planned around it.

That, fundamentally, is where you can see the difference between the web and elias, and in particular elias in nhthcth.

Elias does not understand the game he's playing, and he is someone who is cruel for the sake of cruelty. Elias thinks that Jon himself is a non-issue, that Gerard Keay could never be a true problem for him, and that he solved the entire issue already. He thinks that he's already won, because he does not recognize or understand what drives Jon. Elias is someone who would burn the entire world to keep himself warm. He stopped trying to save the world and caved incredibly quickly into ending it himself as his only option. He picks his own survival at the end of the day, every time, and he thinks that by narrowing Jon's options down where he makes self-preservation contingent on what he wants, then Jon will go with whatever elias wants. He does not understand that people will make other choices, that they'll sacrifice themselves for others, that they'll resist even when it hurts them. The Web has always shown an understanding of how to manipulate people and account for these kinds of contradictory instincts, but Elias is not nearly on the same level as the Web, no matter what he thinks about himself.

And I really wanted these moments of overplaying his hand to be tied to his own other core flaws and failings. He's not nearly as smart as he thinks he is, and it's his instinct towards cruelty that he indulges to the detriment of his own plan.

So we look at Jon in chapter 23, right? He's the one Elias seemingly has in checkmate with the contract. Elias certainly seems to think he's won--he says as much, very smugly, to Jon's face.

Jon spends the entire chapter in resistance, but it's a very aimless, futile resistance that Elias fully assumes will burn out. Like, jon's attempts in chapter 23 are honestly sad to me, because all of his resistance just seems to be for the sake of doing something. he doesn't have any plan around breaking into elias's office or the files. He starts to make trouble for elias, and it's the start of jon's eventual reputation as a spoiled, distrubed troublemaker who gives elias hell, but from jon's perspective it just seems so desperately sad to me.

Like, Jon takes a few shots at jonah magnus and tries to embarrass elias publicly, but he does it with full awareness taht it won't save him, and it will only make it worse for him. he's lashing out for the sake of lashing out, and elias knows that all of jon's resistance is ultimately going to fail, at least in the short term. but he falsely assumes that Jon's eventually going to give up.

The thing is that Elias did not have to handle Jon's becoming in this way.

Fuck, he could have said, "I've decided the absolute funniest thing I could possibly do here is rent an apartment and make Gertrude raise you and gerard in it, you have to keep reading statements but you don't have to be near me to be an eye avatar." He could have treated Jon with kindness, indoctrinated him or brainwashed him or whatever, and made jon believe in the exact same cause as him. It probably would have turned out better than it did.

If he gave Jon more leash, treated him with more kindness, let him have happiness and safety and security with Gerard Keay, Jon maybe wouldn't have fought elias as violently as he did. maybe he would have taken his victories where he could get it and at least work with elias on occasion to protect the life elias has left for him. At the very least, he wouldn't have his head archivist sending out newsletter reminders to their entire donor rolodex about how elias is still a prick, same as the last newsletter. But instead, Elias elected for the worse option. He assumed he had a victory he didn't have, and he decided that gave him license to be callous and cruel. What could jon do in retaliation? He had no way out, and he would give up sooner rather than later, so he could indulge his crueler side without any fear of repercussion.

But we know that Jon grew up to be an angry, resentful man who fights him tooth and nail every step of the way. He never gave up, he never stopped fighting, and he never made it easy on elias. Elias as a character has always thought himself smarter than he really is, and elias in nhthcth assumes a lot of victories he doesn't have. And that's his own undoing.

#nhthcth #elias Bouchard #I exclusively answer these when I’m off my adhd meds you will get every divergence under the sun

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danstillcreates · 1 year ago

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your ocverse is really cool! and your character designs are all so fun

the concept of the Outliers is really interesting to me so i have some questions (feel free to be vague and cryptic if its spoilers for things you want to reveal later ::D)

if Outliers come from another reality, do they all come from the same alternate reality? or is there an infinite amount of realities, and "Outlier" is just the term for anyone who crosses over into another reality not their own?

if not for their reality bending powers, is there another way to visually tell if someone is an Outlier? (it seems like it'd be easy to confuse someone for just another strange alien unless you knew where they came from. which might create some funny misunderstandings and hijinks heehee)

aaaand i think my last question is, throughout the galaxies, how many people actually KNOW about Outliers? would anyone know of them but by another name? due to their nature it seems easy for someone whos an Outlier to become a sort of mythical figure or cryptid (from someone else's point of view)

this ended up a little longer than i meant it to sorry!! looking forwards to meet and see more of your charas!

Thank you!

In this project, there is a multiverse (though I don't know how much of that concept I'm going to explore) but there are also spaces beyond the multiverse. Outlier is a term used for any being that is not from the multiverse. Since they're not part of the natural order of the multiverse, they aren't in the infinite possibilities of reality (there are no alternate reality versions of them).

The Outliers I've shown so far are all from the same space. It's a space where anything that is erased from existence goes (both tangible and intangible). It's pretty much a cosmic junkyard. The Outliers from this place are made of the scraps of nonexistent things. The ones made of tangible things are huge beast-like entities and the ones made of intangible things are intelligent formless entities. Stella, the Caretaker, the Showman, and the Sentinel are all formless entities (they learned that they can create their own forms after they entered the universe and discovered their powers).

There isn't really a general way to tell if someone is an Outlier. It depends on the type of Outlier. The ones I've been talking about only have visual indicators that prove they're Outliers if they want them. These Outliers can look however they want to look. Some Outliers like having forms that aren't too strange and impossible. The Showman likes to travel out in the open and the Caretaker likes having a soft, cute form that won't frighten her guests. Other Outliers, like Stella, don't really care if their forms make sense or not. It's how they want to look.

Outliers are definitely mistaken for other things like gods, mythical figures, monsters, and cryptids. Very few people are actually familiar with the concept of Outliers. It's not a secret. It's just not well known. There are organizations that are trying to gather information on Outliers but it's not easy (especially when the Outlier who's the easiest to get in contact with is a trickster).

Thank you for the questions :)

#oc answers

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zapreportsblog · 1 year ago

Text

An Unlikely Partnership

➥ summary: A pairing for a mission turns into a friendship

➥ one shot

➥ fluff to angst? back to fluff

Peter Parker, clad in his iconic Spider-Man suit, stood in the high-tech lab of Miguel O'Hara, also known as Spider-Man 2099. Miguel had called him there for an important mission, one that would require teamwork and collaboration. As Peter waited, a sleek and mysterious figure entered the lab.

Tigeress Spider, known to the world as (Y/n), exuded an air of confidence and strength. Her sleek black and orange suit accentuated her agility and grace. Peter couldn't help but feel a mix of curiosity and excitement as he looked at his new partner.

Miguel, wearing his own futuristic suit, observed the two heroes with a knowing smile. "Peter, meet (Y/n)," he introduced, gesturing towards the enigmatic figure. "She's from an alternate reality, and she possesses unique spider-like abilities. I believe the two of you will make a formidable team."

Peter extended his hand, a friendly smile on his face. "Nice to meet you, (Y/n). I've heard great things about your abilities. I'm sure we'll make an incredible team."

(Y/n) nodded, her voice steady and confident. "Likewise, Peter. I've heard about your impressive skills and your unwavering determination to protect this city. I'm excited to work alongside you."

Miguel interjected, bringing their attention back to the mission at hand. "Now, the reason I've brought the two of you together is a high-stakes situation unfolding in the city. A dangerous criminal organization is planning to unleash a deadly weapon, and it's our job to stop them."

Peter and (Y/n) exchanged a determined glance, their shared sense of responsibility shining through. They were ready to face any challenge and protect the city they loved.

Miguel continued, outlining the details of the mission and the roles each of them would play. The plan involved infiltrating the organization's hideout, gathering vital information, and disabling the weapon before it could cause harm.

As they prepared for the mission, Peter couldn't help but notice (Y/n)'s focused demeanor and the grace with which she moved. Her confidence was infectious, and he felt a surge of excitement as they embarked on this new partnership.

Together, they swung through the city, navigating rooftops and alleyways with precision. Their movements were fluid, a dance of agility and strength. As they approached the hideout, tension filled the air, but their unwavering determination pushed them forward.

Stealthily, they entered the compound, using their spider-like abilities to evade security systems and guards. (Y/n)'s agility and skill complemented Peter's quick thinking and web-slinging abilities, making them a formidable team.

As they made their way deeper into the facility, they encountered fierce opposition from the organization's guards. (Y/n)'s combat prowess was evident as she effortlessly dispatched her opponents, her movements a blur of elegance and power. Peter marveled at her skills, impressed by her ability to hold her own in battle.

Their teamwork and synchronized movements were a sight to behold. They seamlessly covered each other's blind spots, anticipated each other's actions, and fought side by side. The synergy between them was undeniable, as if they had been partners for years.

With each obstacle they overcame, their bond grew stronger. Their shared experiences and the trust they had developed forged a connection that transcended words. They were two sides of the same coin, a perfect balance of strength, agility, and determination.

Finally, they reached the heart of the hideout, where the deadly weapon was being held. Working together, they disabled the weapon, preventing its activation and ensuring the safety of the city.

As they made their way back to the lab, exhausted but victorious, Peter couldn't help but smile at (Y/n). "We make a great team," he remarked, his voice filled with genuine admiration.

(Y/n) returned the smile, her eyes shining with pride. "Indeed, Peter. Together, we can accomplish great things. I look forward to future collaborations."

Miguel, waiting for them in the lab, congratulated them on a successful mission. He was pleased with their performance, knowing that this partnership had the potential to make a significant impact in protecting the city.

As they took off their masks and prepared to part ways, Peter extended his hand towards (Y/n) once more. "Until the next mission," he said, his voice tinged with excitement.

(Y/n) took his hand, shaking it firmly. "Until then, Spider-Man. Together, we'll continue to make this city safer."

And with that, just as they went their separate ways, each carrying the memory of their first mission together. Peter called out to her.

“Hey! Before you, you know…go back to your universe and all that good stuff maybe you would to go grab a slice of pizza?”

One pizza night turnt into many, after each mission the two of them went on together they seemed to make it a routine to grab some pizza.

The two of them had completed numerous missions together, forming a bond that went beyond the realm of crime-fighting.

And just like any other night he arrived at their agreed meeting spot, a pizza parlor known for its delicious slices, Peter's heart felt heavy.

(Y/n) arrived moments later, her sleek and graceful figure a testament to her feline agility. Her eyes lit up as she caught sight of Peter, and a warm smile graced her lips. It was clear that despite the bittersweet nature of their meeting, they were determined to make the most of their time together.

"Hey, Peter," (Y/n) greeted, her voice filled with a mix of excitement and sadness. "I can't believe this might be our last pizza together before I return to my universe."

Peter forced a smile, his own emotions echoing the same sentiments. "Yeah, it's hard to believe how quickly time has flown. But let's make this one memorable, shall we?"

They stepped inside the pizza parlor, the familiar scent of freshly baked dough and melted cheese enveloping them. As they ordered their favorite toppings, their laughter filled the air, momentarily pushing the sadness aside.

Finding a booth near the window, they settled in, their conversation flowing effortlessly. They spoke about their recent missions, reminiscing about the challenges they had overcome together. Peter couldn't help but admire (Y/n)'s courage and determination, seeing firsthand the impact she had made in his life and the lives of countless others.

As they savored their first bites of pizza, their conversation shifted to lighter topics. They shared stories of their respective worlds, exchanging anecdotes and laughter. It was in these moments of connection and shared experiences that Peter realized just how much he would miss (Y/n)'s presence in his life.

The warmth of the pizza and the comfortable ambiance of the parlor provided a backdrop for their farewell. As they finished their meal, Peter looked at (Y/n) with a mixture of gratitude and sadness. "I can't express how much your partnership has meant to me, (Y/n). You've made a significant impact on my life, both as a hero and as a friend."

(Y/n)'s gaze met his, her eyes filled with understanding. "Peter, the feeling is mutual. Our partnership has shown me the strength that comes from working together, and your unwavering support has meant the world to me. I'll cherish the memories we've created."

As the weight of their impending separation loomed over them, Peter reached out, gently placing his hand over (Y/n)'s. The touch was filled with a mixture of tenderness and gratitude. "I'll miss you, (Y/n). You've become more than just a partner to me; you're family."

Touched by his words, (Y/n) squeezed his hand, her voice filled with emotion. "I'll miss you too, Peter. But I know that we'll always carry each other in our hearts, no matter the distance."

The pizza parlor seemed to fade into the background as Peter and (Y/n) sat there, their shared silence speaking volumes. They didn't need words to convey the depth of their connection; it was etched in their hearts.

With a heavy sigh, (Y/n) stood up, their hands reluctantly releasing each other. "It's time for me to go, Peter. My universe needs me. But remember, our adventures together have shaped us, and the memories we've created will last a lifetime."

Peter nodded, his voice filled with a mix of sadness and determination. "Go, (Y/n), and continue to be the hero you are. Our paths may diverge, but the impact you've had on my life will forever remain."

As they exchanged one final glance, the unspoken words hung in the air. (Y/n) turned away, her steps filled with purpose as she walked towards her universe's portal. Peter watched, a mix of pride and longing in his eyes, until she disappeared from view.

With a heavy heart, Peter exited the pizza parlor, the echoes of their laughter and shared moments still lingering. As he swung through the city, he carried (Y/n)'s memory with him, forever grateful for the time they had shared.

#x reader #spiderman into the spiderverse #spiderverse x reader #spiderverse imagine #spiderverse oc #miguel spiderverse #spiderverse imagines #spiderman x reader #peter paker #Peter Parker imagine #Peter Parker imagines #Peter Parker x reader #spiderman into the spiderverse masterlist

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