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neutron-stars-collision · 3 years ago

Text

The Art of Inversion

Neil x Reader

Chapter 28 - This Ain't No Hymn

Masterlist; Chapter 27

Summary: Time is running until Stalsk-12 and whatever awaits you there. You and Neil try to make the best out of what you have left.

Warnings: 18+ (implied and not so implied content); teasing; swearing.

Author's Notes: Gosh that was a long month... and I'm sorry it took ages. But it's here...! And it's over 14k for which I am terribly sorry. This one is my final stall before we kick off the action and I do hope you'll enjoy the absolute crackheadery of whatever goes on. Feedback greatly appreciated, as always!

During the final two days leading up to the battle, you did wonder how life can be at once so wonderful and yet terrifying. It was easy to get used to the new reality, letting Neil stay in your cabin for most of the time and only use his own for those brief periods when he would need a change of clothes. Or when you would be busy dealing with the assigned tasks, and he would get bored (as he proclaimed). Still, there was barely a time when you were not together.

Mornings were undeniably something else. As the remains of Morpheus’ spell wore off, you snuggled the duvet closer to your chest, relishing in the warmth provided by the blanket and the man sleeping beside you. One last heavy sigh before you opened your eyes, squinting in the bright light falling through the porthole. The sun rays aiming directly at your face, causing you to turn onto the side and face Neil. Despite the numerous mornings spent like this, the sight of him never got old. Your eyes slowly swept over his features. The relaxed brow, blonde hair falling over the forehead in complete disarray. Lips slightly parted, letting out quiet snores. You grinned, overwhelmed with love and gratitude. Because this was worth all the heartache and drama. Absolutely priceless.

Scooting a little bit closer, you felt his hand instinctively tighten over your waist. The hold, which has been placed the previous evening, not shifting throughout the whole night. Keeping you secured and warm. Just as if you were always supposed to end up like this. And perhaps you were. Gently, you reached out to brush your fingertips over his temple. Tentative touch making his breath even out, waking him in the process. Using the momentum, you swept the hair away from his eyes, ending the caress by running the pad of your thumb over his nose and mouth. If only because he was within your grasp.

Neil opened his eyes then, blinking twice to get used to the brightness. You watched as he took in the surroundings, consciousness needing few seconds longer to catch up. Once his eyes landed on you, his lips curled into a soft smile. Gaze immediately showing you nothing but affection. You mirrored his expression, letting yourself extend the staring. It was easy to waste the morning just doing that, gazing into each other’s eyes, getting used to the unbelievable luck. The comfortable silence stretched for a few minutes when Neil grinned and pulled you closer, hiding his head in the crook of your neck and inhaling the scent with reverence. The happy giggle rose in your throat, tinting the words with breathlessness:

“Morning, sleeping beauty,” the nickname coming out of nowhere, yet fitting too well.

You could feel Neil’s smile widen. Cradling you close, he kissed your collarbone and slipped his hands underneath the shirt to caress the skin. It was always like this, slow and blissful, with every minute spent cuddling reminding you why loving him was something essential.

“I should be annoyed at you for waking me up,” the pretended sulking accentuated with a huff let out by Neil.

Still, his hold over your waist tightened. Another kiss laid on the collarbone, teeth lightly grazing over your skin. At this point, hickeys were just another thing that had to be accepted. With the military fashion aboard the icebreaker depending largely on pullovers and combat trousers, you did not need much to hide them. Now, feeling the sleepiness gradually make way for other emotions, you wound your arms around his middle, tangling more to prolong the contentment.

“What’s the but there?” dropping the cheeky question, you made sure to press a kiss to the top of his head.

Taking a moment to drag your fingers through his hair, arranging the eternal mess someway, a job you took on most days now. It was only a pleasure, making sure he looked presentable and yet still like his chaotic self.

“But… this way I can spend few more minutes like this” another blissful sigh, “And this is rather nice,” the adjective complemented with a final trail of kisses down your neck.

Using the loose cut of the t-shirt, Neil ended the study with a longer caress on your bare shoulder. Earning a gasp from you. And then, to sober up, you remarked:

“I love it when you become this incomprehensible in the mornings,” another tactical distraction in the form of tracing your fingertips down his forearm.

His cluelessness first thing after waking up was endearing. Despite always being rather dependent on touch and closeness, it was in those hours when he tended to seek comfort. As opposed to your evening need of hugs and cuddles, helping your anxious brain settle in for the night. It worked. Very much so.

“Very funny” Neil raised his head, joining you on the pillow, “You’re quite gorgeous, did you know that?” eyes showing you the unimaginable extent of infatuation.

You grinned, the charm never failing to get to you. In moments like this, it was easy to believe him. To accept the fact that he was in love with you. Exactly as you are.

“You might’ve mentioned it once or twice. I’m not convinced though” sensing the potential in this line of conversation, you made sure to put up the act.

It worked if judging by the way his eyes lit up with the familiar glimmer. As if that was the needed push for him. The wake-up call.

“I’ll convince you then,” a predatory smirk reminding you of the defeat.

There was no point in fighting him. With excitement fluttering in the pit of your stomach, you watched as he shifted to hover over you. Hands settling comfortably on your waist. One last wink before he leaned down, crashing his mouth into yours with hunger. Your hands ventured up his arms to enlace on the nape of his neck, offering leverage. To pull him down as you deepened the kiss. Easily letting his tongue brush against yours in the intimate moves. Every glide of his lips against yours resulting in flickering fire, electrical sparks trailing down your veins. Muffled sighs and gasps breaking the silence. It was never something effortlessly brushed off. Each kiss sharpening the need and affirming the convictions. Unforgettable.

You broke off the contact only once it felt like you both would suffocate if letting it continue. With a permanent grin, you watched as Neil flopped back on the pillow and took a greedy breath, hand taking yours instinctively and lacing up the fingers to extend the touch. After a few seconds of the recovery period, you decided to pick up on the playful strand once more. For good measure. Raising on the elbow, you glanced down at him with a cheeky smile:

“Do you always kiss that good?” you slowly dragged your tongue along your lips, saving up the remains of the taste.

With satisfaction, you observed as his eyes darted to your mouth, pupils darkening as though that was enough to entice him. The attraction never failing to surprise you in its intensity. Fate and related synonyms constantly on your mind. Because what else could it be?

“You tell me” following your mood, Neil smirked, never easily thrown off by the banter.

Shots fired and all that. Naturally. You broke into a laugh, half-collapsing against him. Only the arms wrapping around your waist keeping you secured. There was nothing left to do but let the giggles die down, listening to his steady heartbeat.

“My god…” words choked out with immeasurable happiness, “If it’s going to be a lifetime of talk like that, then I’m not sure I’ll survive it” admitting the eternal truth, you peeked up at him to see the reaction.

A widening grin and a hint of insecurity brewing underneath were a fascinating mix.

“Maybe you’ll get tired of me and my bullshit. And dump me for someone with the charisma of a cardboard box,”

It was the way he was so utterly wrong that made you let out a quiet laugh then. And also, the concern over his self-doubts that would need to be dealt with immediately. As the true bullshit must be treated.

“So… like Jasper?” the joke earning you a genuine burst of laughter from Neil and a tightening hold over your body “Wouldn’t count on it,” raising once again, you kissed him lightly on the lips and the tip of the nose.

As a reminder.

“Good. Because something tells me I’m a lost cause,” the sincere look causing another wave of love for him, “There’s no getting over someone like you, Miss” in response, Neil bopped your nose with his playfully.

There it is again. With curiosity peaked, you ignored the need to get lost in another kiss and chose to ask a question:

“What’s with the new nickname?” your interest betrayed only by the restless fingers trailing down his chest, smoothing out the wrinkles in the shirt.

Not that you did mind. It was rather cute. And strange.

“I’m trying it out... to see how I feel about it” as usual, Neil caught your meaning with a pensive look.

For a moment, he seemed lost in thought, staring at you unseeingly. Beauty like this first thing in the morning should be made illegal. Your heart once again building up the fire that could only be extinguished by letting yourself have what you wanted. And that was rather simple.

“And?” trying to distract the intensifying thoughts, you took hold of his hand once again.

Carefully relaxing the fist, fingertips inspecting the web of veins and scars covering his palm. The long, slender fingers never failing to amaze you. A sudden reminder about the piano in his flat making everything worse. Because that would be quite a sight.

“I like it. Once we get married, I’ll amp up the game anyways,” Neil’s oblivious ramblings disrupting a detailed daydream concerning him and the piano keys.

Thankfully. It was only once you have brought yourself back to the present moment, the exact meaning of his words caught up.

“Once… not if?” that flicker of hope burning bright and steady.

It was in the way Neil studied you closely that you knew he understood. The smirk spread across his lips; eyes glimmered dangerously as he cupped your cheek:

“Why you got any other plans?” a suggestive glance at your mouth yet again.

No reason to deny it. You glanced at the phone to confirm your hopes. It was early. Enough so to spend a little bit longer in bed. Perfect.

“For now, yes,” meeting his gaze with a half-smile of your own.

Quickly untangling from the current position to provide yourself with more options. Not that he would mind how you would go about it. He never did.

“Care to share?” the want written clearly on his face, nothing but an invitation.

No verbal response needed as you straddled his lap and kissed him eagerly. Your hands followed, inching up his shirt and giving more places to study. The look full of curiosity and excitement in the blue eyes only providing more reasons to continue. More kisses. Hands exploring the familiar territory, waking up the desire, and raising the temperature. A quick fix for the addiction. Breathless moans and groans, breaking the silence of the morning hours. Gathering the courage to do what you wanted never felt this sweet.

***

Whenever Neil was busy with assigned work or training, you would wander the ship looking for something to do. A way to pass the time without triggering worrying thoughts or staring at the plans for the hundredth time. Two days were still left. And the objective was to survive them as peacefully as possible given the circumstances. You were owed as much.

That morning your feet carried you to the bridge. The quiet space offering a perfect place to settle down with the coffee and a blanket on your lap. With the panoramic windows giving an excellent view of the horizon, you could comfortably stare at the endless sky and sea. That close to the Siberian shores the only land visible were the occasional Russian islands, partially covered with snow or laid with grassy steppes. Otherwise, the emptiness could be easily overwhelming. Silence deafening. No soul nearby not belonging to your party of agents and soldiers willing to save the world from the bomb that could still go off. (Or did it already?) It was thoughts like those that caused most drama. Tiny brain worms rooting deep inside to come out at night and bother you with difficult questions and uncertainties. An ideal spark for anxiety.

Too lost in your head, you never heard the airlock open.

“Morning” you looked up, startled to see Kat take off the oxygen mask.

“Hi,” you grinned, suddenly relieved to have company.

She hesitated, eyeing your set up on the sofa and then the scene outside of the window.

“May I join?” upon your nod, she smiled and joined you on the settee, noticing wistfully, “The view from my porthole isn’t half this good”

You observed as she took in the scenery, large blue eyes full of wonder.

“This is quite something else…” you added, gaze coming back to the picturesque view.

The comfortable silence stretching out for a few minutes, when sudden thought prompted you to speak up:

“I never came to thank you for helping me back then-” the incoming apology stopped with a hand resting on your knee.

“Don’t mention it,” the reassuring smile shutting up the worries, “It was the least I could do” another pat on your knee before her grin turned wicked, “Where’s Neil?”

Caught. If it was not due to your accurate portrayal of the deer stuck in headlights, it was probably the blush that confirmed her thesis. There was no reason to pretend.

“He’s got shooting practice,” feigning nonchalance, you wondered aloud, “How do you…?” the question not needing finalization.

The look on Kat’s face nothing short of welcoming.

“I saw you on the deck during the Northern Lights,” the explanation tinting your cheeks darker “You were stood close, away from everyone else. And then you looked at him and kept on staring as though he was more beautiful than the Aurora to you” right…your breath hitched, the realization hitting with a needed kick, “I noticed you leave right after, hands holding tightly…” she trailed off, the knowing smile gracing her lips.

More beautiful than the aurora… yes, definitely. Finding words again, you chose to be honest. She saw you at your worst, offered a shoulder to lean on and a spark to light the flickering hope. To say that you were grateful was an understatement.

“We’ve managed to talk it out. Turns out he was just an idiot trying to save me while willing to ignore his feelings” thoughtlessly, a smile appeared on your face; joy uncontainable “You were right, he loves me,”

It still felt strange to say it. Even though it was true. The last time Neil told you as much was less than an hour ago. A parting affirmation as he was putting on the pullover and leaving your cabin. The new normal.

“As he should,” Kat grinned, optimism in her eyes exhilarating, “You both deserve happiness” you mirrored her smile, taking a sip from the abandoned coffee cup in a bliss-like daze, “From what I’ve seen the last few days… you’re giving him everything he was missing” the addition making your grin wider, the dangerous hope unstoppable.

Both of you went silent then, pondering on the view and what could be said. Silence comfortably stretching out and giving you a sense of companionship that you missed. While sharing thoughts and feelings with Neil was like second nature, sometimes you wished for somebody else to talk to. It was that necessity of being candid that prompted the confession:

“I like to believe that maybe now things will turn out alright somehow… but it’s difficult to keep it up with whatever awaits us at Stalsk,” the reminder settling with the anxiety cast all over your mind and heart.

The sombre turn of the conversation seemingly alright with Kat, for she eyed you closely before speaking up:

“Neil told me you’re going with him on the special unit” it was an observation.

But one that needed confirmation. The possibility to discuss it with her suddenly sounding like something you desperately wanted but never dared dream of.

“Yeah, I have to” a nod if only to reassure yourself, “Maybe it’s crazy, but I’ve got a feeling that I should be there. That it’s where I’m supposed to end up” words ringing out in the quiet space with defiance “And do whatever will be necessary to help him get out unscathed” the unsaid hanging over you, bestowing imperceptible shadow.

Kat looked at you thoughtfully; the quiet observation weighed with thousands of things that could be said. Finally, she ended the scrutiny and turned back to the horizon, breaking the silence with a comment:

“After everything I’ve seen, that’s far from crazy,” low chuckle permeating the space with a sense of faked lightness, “I’m more concerned about that part with whatever will be necessary…” the emphasis making your cheeks turn a darker shade.

Of course. She would understand what you meant. It is the only way. The belief in that one statement giving enough courage to defend your position:

“I know how it sounds. And perhaps its emotions talking… but he must survive” hiding the rising wave of emotions, you finished the lukewarm coffee, stubbornly staring at the edge of the navy sea covered with waves.

Anything but to face the attentive gaze. In the fear of losing the conviction. There was no time to falter now. Whatever would happen, you had to proceed with the plan. If not for yourself, then for Neil.

“Even if that means your sacrifice?” the question asked with a neutral tone.

The meaning simple. Taken by surprise, you looked up to meet the blue eyes staring at you inquisitively. There was no point in lying. It was another thing that you pondered on often. The question of what if. What if it comes to it and you’ll have to choose between your life and Neil’s? The answer was undeniable. Even if unspeakable.

“Yes,” a nod to assert it with all your might, “And I know he sees things the same… he told me that it’s why he’s doing it. To make sure the world won’t end taking me with it” you added, as though to validate your statement.

To show her that it was not only you who was that crazy. That perhaps what you have is something extraordinary. Worth more than anyone else can understand. Judging by the glimmer in Kat’s eyes, she knew what you were trying to say.

“I’ve only encountered love like that in fiction,” a hint of a melancholic smile on her face tugging at your heart with force.

Desperately searching for something else to say, you remembered everything Neil told you about her. Of why you were very much alike even if it did not seem so at first sight.

“You’re willing to go to similar lengths for your son. Max, right?” uncertain about the name, you hesitated.

She nodded, her expression turned serious, eyes showing the steely resilience you have seen before. A strong woman willing to do anything to save her son.

“Yes, I think… I’m not sure what’s going to happen on that bloody yacht but…” you watched as she searched for the right words, hands clenched tightly in her lap, “I’ll do what must be done to make sure Andrei doesn’t win this one” her tone turning cold, determination resounding through every syllable “He’s done enough harm,”

It was the flash of resignation passing through her gaze that caused another heartbreak. Suddenly you wished for nothing but a reckoning. Vengeance against this horrible man and the tortures he has inflicted upon Kat.

“I’m sorry,” words rolling off your tongue for the lack of anything better.

Instantly, you cursed your awkwardness, ready to come up with something different, when a hand placed on your forearm stopped the panicked stream of thoughts.

“Don’t be,” she squeezed your palm quickly before saying, “I hate it when people look at me with pity. The poor woman who married a monster. I want to be seen as a victor, not a victim,” the confession carrying with it a rising sense of strength.

Because she certainly was a victor. Someone to admire for the resistance and unyielding force of will. To be good and to put her son’s life before hers. That was something to aspire to. A quote from a few years back resonated through your head as you commented:

“Nevertheless, she persisted,” the mysterious smile spreading on your lips upon seeing Kat’s surprise.

And then she beamed. Gratefulness better than anything else you could ask for.

“Yes, exactly,” a nod, hope shining bright in her eyes, “Maybe this is my chance,”

Using the quiet moment, she stood up and wandered over to the panoramic window. The sun has begun to shine through the low clouds, adding a little more charm to the view. A tiny bit of optimism. Because maybe… With her back turned to you and the increasing sense of courage, you spoke up:

“You’ve already won. You’ve survived a wound like that… and you’re here, free from him. That for me is being victorious” finishing the sentence, you wavered.

When Kat turned back to face you with a smile full of gratitude and eyes shining with happy tears, you knew it was worth it.

***

The early afternoon before the very last night proceeding the battle was difficult. Left to your own devices, you have been idly sitting in the cabin, pondering on the various ways to stop the anxious thoughts. Even for a minute. But all the ways you could come up with either involved seeking out Neil, who has been hired to give the soldiers a quick physics-related pep talk, brushing up on their inverted combat skills and how to survive on the battlefield when the forces of gravity work against you. The other coping method you came up with had to do with spending hours in the shooting ground again. And there were hardly any bullets left for training, with stocks reserved strictly for operational use. Limits set by yourself as per order. Not omittable.

That is how you have found yourself setting up the hastily packed speaker (because why not?) in the small sparring ground in the training zone. You have changed into comfortable sweatpants and a tank top, deciding to use up the excess of energy in chilled solo sparring of sorts. It mostly consisted of finding proper bops and prancing around the space, trying out different kicks and punches Ives taught you. It was easy to get lost, feeling the rhythm, setting the pace, and choosing the right kind of moves to deal with the invisible opponents. A backfist here, roundhouse kick there. An attempt at a flying kick just because the guitar solo got you a little bit too entranced. That one ended with a groan, face flat on the mat. Thankfully there was no one to see.

You got lost in the movement, music drowning out everything else, until it was just you, your body in the fluid movements and the breaths punctuating the silence. Aiming a perfect backhander, you turned around only to freeze when your eyes landed on the intruder leaning on the plastic screen separating the spaces. Impeccable grin and a shrug answering your wide gaze. Blue eyes appreciatively sweeping across your body. Nothing new there for him. You stared back, heavy breaths catching up after minutes of intense practice. After what seemed like an eternity, Neil’s smile widened as he pushed himself up and crossed the distance.

Hands landing on your waist, without a second wasted, he pulled you closer, forcefully enough to draw out a startled yelp. That was rather unexpected. You barely had time to comprehend anything when he kissed you with hunger. On reflex, your hands tangled in the hair at the nape of his neck as you opened your mouth to let him in. Teeth clanked when Neil reached out for more than you could offer, breath caught in your throat, unprepared for something like this. The need resonating through your tangled bodies as you let the stream of feelings take you under. Temperance forgotten as Neil tugged on your lower lip, bruising the skin and softening the damage with his tongue. You moaned, the sound getting lost in the haze of sudden frenzy. As though you were bound to die tomorrow, and this was the last chance to show each other the love you feel.

It was that thought that prompted you to break away. In search of oxygen mostly.

“Wow…” you gazed up at him, feigning nonchalance, “Thought we agreed on no PDA in the public spaces,” the stern glare breaking underneath the lovesick smile you could not hold back.

Because, after a kiss like that, how could you?

Neil shrugged, keeping his hands firmly on your waist, thumb gently stroking your side through the shirt. There was no remorse in those eyes, only fondness, and mischief. Whatever brought him here was bound to end in trouble. Perhaps that was the distraction you were seeking…

“It’s not my fault you’re stood here looking like this” another admiring look over your figure, finishing with a quirked smile and a pull to bring you closer once again.

It was difficult to deny him anything.

“Like what?” arching an eyebrow you searched his eyes for clues.

Up close, you could fully marvel at his long eyelashes and the exact colour of his eyes. The darker rim encircling the blue-grey depths, pulling you in and making you fall even harder. You always should have known that it was inevitable. There was no escape from eyes like those.

“Irresistible,” the word, falling from his lips in a pious whisper.

Inches left between your faces, gravity doing its work in bringing your nearer. Nothing left to do but breach the gap and kiss him, another way of thanking him for the compliment and getting the fix for the addiction. Now there was no need to hold back, after all.

“Huh…” you grinned, catching your breath once more, “How did you find me?” taking a step back to stop the temptation.

Because perhaps that was enough. The rest could continue in the privacy of your room. Whatever that might be.

“Intuition, mostly” Neil swept his gaze around the room, focusing on the speaker laying in the corner “And a little bit of luck since only you could be listening to ‘Big in Japan’ while training” his eyes narrowed, cheeky smirk dangling in the corner of his mouth.

Ah. The song choice coming back with a vengeance as you blushed for no reason.

“What’s wrong with Alphaville? That’s a banger,” the defence coming with an unnecessary but satisfying push aimed at the center of his chest.

Working perfectly, if the surprised gasp was anything to go by. He only needed a second to recover, the sparks in his eyes telling you that the response was bound to be quite something, and you better prepare.

“I’m not saying it’s not. Only that this is very much in character for the woman I’m honoured to call my girlfriend” a wink perfecting the delivery.

Yep, on point. Your face warmed up a notch, happiness almost incomprehensible.

“Ain’t you smug” masking the softness with sarcasm, you attempted a harsh glare.

However, all the intent crumbled the moment your speaker started playing the next song via shuffle. The soft piano, opening the ballad with a flourish. Nothing but corniness of the 90s and a love song to defy any other. As Bryan Adams started singing out the first lines in his husky tone, you groaned. Fuck you, Spotify.

“I didn’t take you to be this sentimental” Neil eyed you closely, mirth betrayed by the barely contained laughter.

Using the weapon you have been hoarding for too long, you aimed to school your features before noticing:

“Well… wise man once told me that we’ve all got our weaknesses…” the meaningful gaze doing the job as Neil grinned.

“Very wise, indeed,” the self-satisfied expression only deepening.

Before you could perceive his movements, he closed the distance, took your hand in his, and placed the other palm on your shoulder blade. Following instincts you did not even know you had, you hastily put your hand on his bicep in the ballroom dance position you have seen on tv. What the hell.

“What are you doing?” question coming out breathless as you stumbled to fall into the correct steps following his lead.

Lead to a slow waltz, of all things.

“Using the opportunity,” Neil adjusted the pace, letting you feel the rhythm before continuing, “Haven’t you ever dreamt of waltzing with the love of your life in a glitzy ballroom?”

It was the nonchalance that caught you. The way he said it without a stutter. As though he has used the words before, perhaps in the quiet of his mind or in a conversation.

“Maybe I have,” forcing the doubts to shut up you chose the noncommittal answer for the moment.

Letting your eyes speak instead as you met his steady gaze. A flash of a gentle smile and a thumb tenderly stroking your shoulder blade. Calming down and grounding within the moment.

“I know I did,” the affirmation added to the mix, complete with the kiss on your forehead.

'Look into your heart – you will find

There's nothin' there to hide

Take me as I am, take my life

I would give it all, I would sacrifice'

Bryan Adams kept on crooning as you moved slowly across the room. The relatable meaning of the words sung out making you hide your head in the crook of Neil’s neck, disrupting the formality of your position. Turning the waltz into a slow dance by making Neil pull you closer. He tightened his hold, fingers carefully stroking your skin, the contact keeping up the spark alive. A few more slides across space, your feet following his without hesitation. The synchronization perfect in the matched tempo. It was surprisingly easy to find the right rhythm; perhaps the chemistry did its work in that aspect too.

It was only once the song has reached the guitar solo part that you have managed to break the comfortable silence with a comment:

“This is… nice,” the adjective being the only one you could come up with.

All the other words disappearing one by one, dissolved in the wave of feelings. Happiness, most of all. And love you never imagined existing, let alone to experience. Neil chuckled lowly, his chin resting comfortably on the top of your head.

“Mhmm… Remember how we’ve first met?” the question catching you off guard.

Enough to miss one step and earn a little ‘tsk’ from him.

“Of course, why?” the audacity of the assumption frustrating.

As if. Because even now, you sometimes found yourself reminiscing on that day. The conversation, seemingly innocent, and yet have led you to this point. To everything you did not even know you were missing but now could not live without.

“Even then… when we were chatting over the coffee, I was intrigued,” the wistfulness in Neil’s voice causing long-forgotten questions to resurface.

You have never discussed that day in detail. But maybe that would be the chance. Gathering up the courage, you waited until you have completed the spin around the room to admit:

“Me too… I’ve always wondered… what was it when you’ve eyed me and said I’ll pass the training without issues? Just flirting?” curiosity creeping into your voice.

Not going unnoticed and acknowledged with a thoughtful hum. That was another thing you have thought of. Back then, his gaze only increased the interest. Now, knowing it was not only you that had many impressions after the meeting, it was harder to ignore.

“That was one of the few times when I broke my own rules of looking at people objectively” the explanation given with the needed depth “I always try to be respectable… to see everyone for their minds rather than their bodies” unasked, your heart let out a painful thump in awe over him “But with you, I- I guess my fascination got ahead of me” sudden shyness surprising, causing you to disrupt the dance by freezing in the spot “I was right, in the end” Neil met your questioning gaze with an apologetic expression.

That alone vouching for a kiss and a reassuring squeeze of a hand. You gladly accepted an invitation back into his embrace and another slow dance. Spotify proving itself useful with the next song choice – ‘Forever Young’. By Alphaville, again.

Neil’s snicker was met with a glare on your side and a light step on his foot, for good measure. It took you another few seconds to let the doubts speak up again:

“Was that really enough for you to see me? That one afternoon?” once the questions started, there was no end to them in your mind.

“Yes,” no hesitation on his side “Trust me, I was surprised too, but with every passing day I was thinking about you more. And now I know why” a nuzzle to the top of your head before he asked, “What about you?” inquisitiveness almost hidden by the neutral tone.

Might as well show your hand. Laying a small kiss on the side of his neck, you began:

“I’m not sure… I was curious about you” an understatement but always something, “You seemed so different and charming, like no one I’ve ever met before. And obviously, I had to acknowledge that you’re handsome as hell but… then I saw you flirt with Anna, and I thought that you’re one of those” the admission coming out with the resigned edge you did not fully intend.

It was quickly extinguished with a spectacular dip and a pirouette that managed to knock the breath out of your lungs and the thoughts out of your brain. Nothing but Neil left. As usual.

“I see… mind you, I was flirting with her only because I didn’t know how to talk to you yet” he carried on the conversation without a hitch.

Interesting.

“Did it matter?” you raised your head to be able to see his face for this one.

As though he was expecting scrutiny, Neil met your gaze with a steady look and a confident smile.

“Surprisingly, yes. I didn’t want you to get the wrong idea,” the intensity of the eye contact increasing.

The song starting to fade out amidst its 80s glory, the last of the synthesizer giving out its swan song with the needed cringe. Your dance slowing down to a small two-step, prolonging the moment a little longer.

“Which would be?” another question, because why the hell not.

Using your momentum, Neil slipped his fingers underneath the strap of your tank top, grin widening once he realised the lack of bra. The familiar sparks, making you wonder about wherever this was bound to lead you. About what could happen. A vague idea formed in your head, needing only closure to the chat.

“That I’m not serious,” Neil’s response bringing you back to the moment.

All the movement stopping, leaving you standing in an embrace in the middle of the space.

“Are you?” just a final test.

Even though you did not need an answer, everything that happened within the last days proving time and time again that he was in it hundred percent. That finally you have found the one.

“Very much so, my love” stepping out of the hold, Neil tipped your chin.

The depth of adoration in his gaze only bringing out fierce blush and the deepening softness threatening to make you melt on the spot from too many feelings and too much happiness coursing through your veins. Enough. For now.

You grinned at Neil as a means of accepting his answer and took a definitive step away from him, noticing the curious look on his face. Ignoring it for the moment, you quickly searched through the library to pick up something a little more appropriate. And less cringe. As you pressed play on the right playlist and faced Neil again, the smile you saw told you he had ideas towards your next suggestion:

“Do you want to join me for a little sparring?” you approached him slowly, the unexpected nerves making an appearance, “We’ve never done that together, and maybe… you can say no of course but-” as you faltered, the plan seemed to make less and less sense every passing second.

Because perhaps there was a reason why he never suggested it. Or perhaps, it was not something he would want to do with you, his girlfriend, of all people. Maybe-

“I’d love to,” the answering smile reassuring enough to let you know that all your issues have been noticed, “Don’t pull your punches just because it’s me” Neil closed the gap and took your hand in his with a wink.

There was no way of stopping that grin from appearing on your face. Tightening the hold over his hand, you made sure to put on the most intimidating expression in your arsenal.

“You wish, sunshine,” a kiss on the cheek just because, followed by a wink to tip off his mirroring smile.

Let the games begin or something. You watched as Neil took off the pullover, leaving him in the t-shirt, and joined you on the mat. The final thought was that this sort of activity could end in many ways. Some of them rather intriguing. However, all distractions had to be left behind if you were to win this one. Which was easier said than done, as you eyed your opponent, coming up with the strategy. Because of those damned blue eyes and fascinating body proportions that were hard to ignore, no matter the circumstances.

With the final nod, it began. You crossed the space to aim a kick at Neil’s shin, using the element of surprise and height difference. As you hit the mark, he let out a surprised yelp and glared at you offendedly. A giggle escaped your throat as you made sure to put up the guard, expecting retaliation to follow. And it did. A lighter kick in your ankle, and then an attempt at punch towards your shoulder. That one, thankfully blocked, with your rendition of the shooting daggers.

The sparring followed this rhythm for a couple of minutes, drenching your shirt with sweat and increasing the adrenaline with every move. As it proved, Neil was an excellent partner for that too. Your dynamic working perfectly as you bounced off the different techniques and styles, learning from each other in progress. Soon it became a matter of prediction, of staring at him intently to determine the very next step and to block it efficiently. A few mistakes resulted in bruises here and there, but it was nothing compared to the elation flowing through your veins. The occasional compliments and teases interrupted the flow, bringing out more feelings than you ever deemed possible to exist. At once. Joy, excitement, fatigue, and desire slowly combining into the strangest mix inside your head.

Because one thing was certain – it was increasingly difficult to ignore the way it felt when Neil got close. His strong arms, usually acting as your refuge, now a barrier you had to get through to win this battle. The closeness intoxicating as you tried to wrestle out of his hold, imposed by using the moment of hesitation on your side. But then who was to blame you for getting lost in his eyes? Again. With his chest pressed against your back and the forearms blocking any form of movement, you decided to put it all on the card of fate, hooking your leg around his in an attempt at a backflip taught by Ives. That was another fatal mistake.

You only realised how badly you have fucked up when you opened your eyes to see Neil peering down at you with the most annoying of grins painted on his face. Eyes sparkling with satisfaction that certainly should not be there. Shit. He got you pinned to the mat with hands trapping you underneath him. Not much space between your bodies. A fierce blush bloomed on your cheeks; embarrassment combined with sudden arousal once the exact placement of your limbs sunk in. The earlier misstep resulted in having your legs wound tightly around his waist and crossed over the back. Just like-

“This position is rather… familiar” the husky whisper broke through the sudden onset of feelings and thoughts as you met his gaze.

The darkness of the irises and the boundless depths of desire you found there providing the missing piece in the puzzle. The heat turning up a notch. Unable to break the eye contact, you watched in fascination as Neil seemed to consume you on the spot. His pupils widened, betraying the feelings reigning free over his mind as he contemplated the very next move. Frozen, you could only wait helplessly, feeling the well-known tension rise, causing havoc in your head. Still, what he chose to do next, caught you off guard.

He leaned in and captured your lips in an eager kiss, easily stealing away the breath and distracting you from anything else in the whole world. As you opened your mouth for him without hesitation, Neil used the moment to strike. His tongue caressed yours in exact opposition to the way his hips jutted forward, creating friction. The surprising ploy, drawing out a gasp and making you break the kiss with a telling hiss. The answering mischievous smirk the only warning before he did it again, rocking his body forward against yours, upping up the temperature, and making the warmth pool in your lower stomach instantly. The wetness, collecting on your underwear and sticking to the skin in an impulse you could not control.

“Jesus, Neil- You can’t just-” frustration poured out in incoherent sentences as you fought for sanity.

He, naturally, took that as the cue to up his game. The deadly smile was the last thing you saw before he bowed down, tongue darting out to lick down your neck and then cover the space with kisses. A groan escaped through your lips as you grabbed onto his biceps in search of support. A logical part of the brain told you to stop the madness (and drag him to your room to continue), but that voice could be barely heard through the overwhelming haze. More kisses, teeth grazing over the skin, hands slipping underneath your top, and using the lack of bra to cause more drama.

The added touch onto your breasts was what defeated the sanity and caused you to roll your hips against his, matching up the tempo in the frantic attempts at getting something out of it.

“Fuck” heaving out the curse, you could not stop the moan caused by Neil sucking on your pulse point below the ear.

All the reasons against continuing something this good disappeared one by one. The synced-up movement, making you breathless within seconds. The arousal, seeping through the underwear, only increasing with the way you could feel Neil react to it as well. The telling signs of his lust rubbing off against your crotch upon every thrust. Getting ever harder to ignore with sounds breaking up the forgotten sparring soundtrack.

“That good?” Neil’s question dripping with need as he rasped out the words upon your hungry kiss stolen in the moment of eagerness.

No point in holding back now. Grasping onto his chin to stop him from distracting you with yet another trick, you made sure to show the extent of want raging in your veins:

“It would be without all the bloody clothes in the way” piecing the sentence, you huffed with dissatisfaction.

Because after something like this, you wanted him. No, needed him. Anything to finally release the tension and catch the high. Because, as you began to discover, it was too easy to get addicted to him. To the pleasure, he always seemed happy to give you. To being wanted and needed like never before.

Even now, Neil seemed entranced, eyes searching your face for something. Whatever he needed, you delivered with the want in the unguarded look, for he grinned and nudged your nose with his.

“I like seeing you this needy, darling” choosing no mercy whatsoever he stole yet another hungry kiss.

All the while keeping up the friction. As if you could ignore the feelings building up for a minute longer.

Using the opportunity, you caught his bottom lip between your teeth and tugged at it with force. Drawing out blood and groans. A punishment. To strengthen the effect, you made sure to tangle your fingers in his hair, imposing light pressure. Enough to make him suffer a little more, but not as bad as to make him more predatory. That was another thing learned in the past days. You were right Neil had a hair thing. And using it right could work to your advantage. With satisfaction, you broke the kiss and watched as he opened his eyes, unfocused gaze and shallow breaths giving the needed bravery.

“Bastard,” you whispered and used his moment of hesitation to initiate the retaliation.

The answering smug smile giving more reasons to push on with the plan. With the full attention provided, you slowly licked your lips. A trick that always worked, making Neil stare with that same look of starvation hidden in his eyes. It was the confidence you were seeking to hook your leg around his and find the impetus to complete the switch in one smooth attempt.

It worked. You comfortably straddled his lap, pinning him to the floor. Only a shocked gasp told you he caught up with the change. You met his gaze smugly, using the new position to run your fingers up and down his chest, light teasing included in the act of vengeance. The answering groan more than gratifying, making you even happier to give him the taste of his own medicine and roll your hips forward.

“I like this new development,” Neil breathed out the comment, hands settling on your hips, “You know what, though? I’d love to see you snap one day. Get annoyed by my antics and punish me” it was the way he said it that made you freeze with one hand already underneath his shirt.

As though it was exactly what he wanted. Interesting…

“Is that what you’re into?” arching one eyebrow, you trailed your nails over the skin on his chest.

Watching the goosebumps with fascination. The light bruises on the sides reminding you of the morning the day prior and the sudden passion that resulted in marks all over your bodies.

“I’m into you, but yes,” Neil observed you with strange pensiveness, “Even a man like me needs to be dominated from time to time,” the challenge in his eyes already inspiring scenarios within your mind.

“That can be sorted then” you winked and used that moment to stand up, leaving him on the floor with mouth open wide.

Perfect. Grinning, you brushed off the dust from your clothes and strode over to the speaker, ignoring Neil pointedly. Only an exasperated sigh told you he managed to pick himself up. Using the towel, you wiped off the remains of sweat from your brow and turned back to him with a neutral expression:

“I’ll go shower,” you quickly eyed him, taking in the ruffled hair and flushed cheeks, “I’d ask you to join me… but I don’t want to traumatise anyone using the communal bathroom for that” a meaningful look making sure he understood.

The slight double-take all the needed confirmation. Neil swallowed hard, as though the suggestion was enough to make the images appear before his eyes. But then he flashed you a confident smile.

“Fret not once we’re back home, we’ll catch up on that. I’ve got that spacious shower for a reason,” a tiny shrug as though to make you remember.

Right. Another thing to add to the bucket list, no doubt. However, for now, you were not done with the taunting. He did deserve it.

“I see… do you often use it for those kinds of purposes?” draping the towel around your neck, you strolled towards him with an inquisitive look.

Another shrug. Hands reaching out to be placed on your waist and to draw you closer, keeping that one metre of space just for show. His eyes searched yours with feigned nonchalance before responding:

“Not really. But with you, I want to change that up a little. After all, I’ve got to convince you that having sex with you is wonderful,” followed with a nose nudge and a smirk.

For once, there was no shyness. Mirroring his moves, you put your hands on his sides, thumbs slowly stroking the hipbones, pulling him closer. Once your bodies were flush against each other, you grinned:

“Mutually” and then, upon noticing the well-known beat coming from the speaker, “One might even say you’ve brought the sexy back” a wink, using the lack of inhibitions in the air.

The answering gaping mouth and eyes widened in shock were good enough indicators that whatever this mood was, it should continue. After a second of confusion, Neil started laughing hysterically, collapsing against you with ease:

“… Jesus Christ,” he choked out the words, drawing you into a skewed hug if only to preserve the closeness.

The sudden outburst of happiness was not controllable even if you wanted. Giggling quietly, you waited for him to calm down, running your fingers up his back in a soothing manner. Once his laughs eased, you whispered:

“Sorry, blame that on JT” an apologetic shrug followed with a chaste kiss pressed to his temple.

The cheerful sparks in his eyes, telling all you could need to know. Thanks, universe.

“No, I love it” Neil’s words brought you back to the present moment as he took your hands in his “I love you,” the sincere confession breaking up the ridiculous atmosphere with tenderness.

“You better” your smile widened as you squeezed his hands in a non-verbal response.

It was only once you were heading out of the room, after at least three passionate kisses and some more infatuated gazing, that Neil chose to pick up the abandoned line of teasing.

“Make sure to think of me during your shower” you turned around, mouth open wide “For inspiration. I’ll be waiting” there was no mistaking the look in his eyes or the intentions behind it.

There was nothing left to do but walk out with cheeks burning red and head too empty to do anything but what he proposed.

For a good purpose, as the afternoon then showed you.

***

With the night falling on the last day before the fourteenth and the battle, you could feel the internal darkness creeping with every passing hour. By the early bedtime, there was nowhere to hide. Laying on the bed and waiting for Neil to come back from his shower, you could do nothing but stare at the ceiling blankly. Thousands of worries, questions, and scenarios multiplying in your head, threatening to steal away the remains of peace. It felt as though the curtain has fallen over your blissful days, leaving nothing but uncertainty. Because God knows what would happen at Stalsk. The plan was one thing, perfect execution - a different one.

With lungs failing to expand properly you considered getting up and marching outside to let the cold air give you something else to worry about. That is when the door to your cabin finally opened, and Neil walked in. A sight for sore eyes personified. Mindless of your struggles, he sent you a smile before placing the morning outfit on the chair. It became a ritual of sorts, with him bringing back the change of clothes to prolong the waking up period and stay in bed with you. Despite the anxiety rising exponentially, you could not help but smile at the tradition upheld on the eve of the battle. You watched in silence as he took off trousers and placed his phone on the bedside table. It was only once he sat down on the bed and faced you with fondness in his eyes that you knew the act of staring has been caught.

“Alright?” Neil reached out and tipped your chin to make sure you could not hide.

Gently his fingers caressed your jaw and down the neck, soothing the nerves and asserting his presence. You leaned into his touch and whispered the white lie:

“Yeah…” desperate to extend the bliss even a second longer, you joked lightly, “Was beginning to worry you’ve decided to ditch me tonight” shifting forward, you rested your forehead against his.

Closing your eyes and letting the feeling of being wanted envelope you in its sweet embrace.

“You wish,” the tint of joy in his voice adding on to the perfection of the moment, “There’s no getting rid of me that easily” Neil tucked the hair behind your ear, stroking your temple slowly in the process.

It felt almost unreal to have someone love you like that. So carefully, yet with a passion that did not seem to wane. The only thing left was to believe it. And let your feelings lead the way. You opened your eyes to find Neil staring back with the softest of smiles gracing his features. That was enough to whisper back the answer:

“What a shame,” and capture his lips in a hungry kiss.

Knowing the moves by heart, you have tangled your fingers in his hair and opened the mouth to deepen the kiss. It was always too simple, an act of devotion and a drug you could not imagine giving up. Each brush of his tongue against yours bringing sparks of electricity and pleasure, a promise of so much more only waiting to be taken.

Without breaking up the contact, you shifted to lie on top of Neil, stealing small pecks interrupted with smiles and sighs. Not knowing what bliss feels like, you assumed it must be like this. Because nothing seemed to come close to the feeling of being loved and wanted by him. To feeling the steady heartbeat as you pressed up against him in the closest of embraces. To having him grin against your mouth, interrupting the kisses with happy giggles, and stroking your back underneath the shirt in a simple act of tenderness.

It was once you felt his touch tread onto that well-known territory bridging the line between want and intimacy that you leaned back to meet his gaze. Slight confusion found in the blue eyes as you fell back onto your side and took his hand in yours:

“Can we… not do this tonight?” the tentative whisper broke the silence as your nerves spoke up again.

Because despite never having enough of Neil, tonight you wanted something innocent. Something easy. Asking for it felt almost wrong as if it could be too much. With the countless worries anchoring within your mind, you focused all your attention on studying his hand attentively. The thin scars scattered across the skin. Neatly trimmed fingernails and elegant fingers betraying the sensitive nature of the man you loved without any inhibitions. Neil as always noticed the sudden shyness, for he kissed you on the forehead before answering:

“Of course,” the affirmation given without a stutter, as he retracted his palm from underneath your clothes, “What do you need?” with the free hand cupping your cheek, he forced you to meet his gaze again.

Concern and affection. All the needed encouragement to speak your mind. To reach out for everything he wanted to give you.

“Hold me, please,” forcing out an uncertain smile, you wound your arms around his waist, snuggling in to find the perfect position.

But it was not enough.

“How do you want me?” the question asked with the glimmer in his eyes that told you he remembered the night from London.

Months ago, while also something that has not happened yet. Linearly, that is.

“Closer” this time, the answer could not have been simpler.

Neil accepted it with a hint of a smug smile as he pulled you close. Spreading his legs for yours to fit in-between. Hips flush against each other, heartbeat synced. Hands clinging to the warmth of your skin, his lips pressed against your temple. No inch of space left. Exactly as you needed.

With the brain strangely quiet, you breathed in his scent, letting the reality catch up. Yours. The soothing warmth of the embrace and solidity of his body underneath your fingertips making you feel safe. Even if only for the moment.

A short moment? Prompted by the harsh reminder of time running out mercilessly, you tensed and splayed your hand over his heart. A clear signal for Neil to tighten the hold and nuzzle your temple. Waiting for the words to come spilling out of your heart.

And they did.

“I- There’s so much goddamn noise in my head, and it’s beginning to drive me mad” after finishing the sentence breathlessly, you hid your face in the crook of his neck.

Smelling the bergamot and hints of your perfume, increasing the love held within your system. Following the instincts, Neil started running his fingertips up the curve of your spine, giving you something to focus on. The steadiness of the movement grounding you back in the present.

“It’s okay, I’m here,” the soft tone melting the edges of sharp blades penetrating your mind with anxiety, “I can’t stop the thoughts, but I’ll make sure you know I’m not going anywhere,” confirming the meaning, he took hold of your hand lying on his chest and laced the fingers.

Another way of showing support. Of letting you believe your luck. Nothing left but to press a kiss to his neck and whisper:

“Thank you… We’ll be alright, won’t we?” the question forcing itself on your tongue.

Because it was all that mattered. For you and Neil to survive. To have time to love each other. But… tomorrow is promised to no one. The counterarguments preparing to strike with force as they assembled at the bottom of your heart. You could die tomorrow. That was a fact, as true as the knowledge that the world could end. The bomb could go off. This could be the last moment of peace you would have. And there was no way of knowing whether it was. The fear creeping in with nothing to stop it.

“I hope so,” as though sensing the growing unease, Neil raised your joined hands to his lips, kissing your knuckles.

You need not look at him to know what you would find in his beautiful eyes. It was the knowledge of feelings reciprocated that gave you the courage to speak the truth. To reassert what he already knew. Just because it could be the last time.

“Earlier today, after we’ve… I’ve realised that… I’ve never been more in love,” stumbling through the sentence, you whispered the confession against his skin, “And I don’t want it to end” a deep breath to gain back the momentum “I need you, Neil. You’re everything I have…” you faltered, feeling tears blur the edges of your vision.

As if your heart knew something you did not. As if being this vulnerable was the trigger you were seeking. There was much more you could tell him, but no words were found for it. Instead, you felt the embrace tighten as Neil kissed the tip of your ear tenderly.

“We’ll be alright, my love,” the endearment getting lost in the quietest of sniffles “I’ll make sure of it” he hesitated, the edge of your breakdown impacting him too with the emotions betrayed in every syllable, “And I don’t know if it needs saying, but… You’re my everything too. I’m not going to give up on us,” the definitive promise offering all the strength for you to raise your head.

Tears shining in your eyes as your gazes met. Worth fighting for.

***

The feeling of safety gave way to worries not longer than an hour after you finally gave in to sleep. Gasping, you opened your eyes in a flash after a particularly terrifying and confusing nightmare full of inverted rounds and ticking bombs. Blindly you rolled over to the side where you would usually find Neil, only for your hands to clutch at nothingness. Shit. The realization working better than any alarm clock as you sat up and turned on the lamp.

Empty room. Darkness outside. Neil’s phone left by the bed. Next to it a piece of paper torn out of a notebook:

“Couldn’t sleep. Find me on the bridge if you need me. Yours, N.”

The initial tugged on your heartstrings as you quickly made up your mind. It was only past one. And there was hardly any chance of going to sleep now. Without him by your side and with the brain haunted by terrifying dreams. You stood up and quickly got dressed in the hoodie he left the day before and joggers.

The moment you stepped outside the cabin corridor, the silence and cold hit you with their starkness. Usually, at this hour, the icebreaker would be alive with the sounds of the crew and troops getting ready for the night. There would be groups chatting in the mess or the galley. Soldiers catching late-night sparring sessions or betting on who would get more bullseye shots at the shooting range. Not tonight, though.

Without stumbling upon a single soul, you walked over to the bridge. Cold hands clutched together in the hoodie pocket. Untangling only to deal with the zip by the airlock.

Once you crossed the threshold, you knew you were in the right place. The silence finally interrupted with voices. Most importantly, with the sound of Neil explaining something in those soft tones that always brought you peace. The darkness of the room enlightened by the single fluorescent above the empty table. Kat was sat in the chair opposite him, focused on what he was saying. As you took off the oxygen mask with a quiet sigh, they both turned to you. Neil brightened up in a flash, a soft smile lightening up his face as he reached out for your hand. You sent Kat a shy nod as you let your boyfriend pull you down onto the sofa:

“Hello,” she grinned, giving you both a satisfied once-over.

The echo of the conversation you had the day before ringing out in the spaces between words. Nothing left but to relax into the pillows and give them both an apologetic shrug:

“Hi… Hope I’m not interrupting” you watched as they shared an amused look, followed by Kat getting up to make tea.

You knew instantly what this was. A moment of privacy.

“Never” Neil’s voice made you turn to him only to see the affection pouring out from his gaze.

Gently he took hold of your ice-cold hands and warmed them up between his palms with care. It was too easy to feel the love fill your chest again. As if switched back on whenever Neil was nearby. Somehow the darkness felt less frightening with him by your side. After a beat, you answered the unasked question:

“I woke up without you, and…” trailing off, you looked at Kat pouring water from the kettle into the mugs.

She seemed entirely focused on the task, mindless of your conversation. Using the encouragement, you moved closer to Neil and captured his lips in a quick kiss. He responded instantly, placing his hand on your cheek to draw you nearer and take whatever you wanted to give him. This time, because of company, the contact ended in a happy sigh a few seconds later as you pressed your forehead against his for a moment. Just enough to share a look of love and a shy grin. Hearing the unmistakable sound of teaspoon clanking in the mug, you leaned back, away from him yet keeping your hands locked in the space between you on the sofa.

“Sorry. I couldn’t fall asleep and didn’t want to wake you. So, I came here and stumbled upon Kat,” Neil explained, breaking the silence and acknowledging the other woman with a sympathetic nod.

Using that line as her cue to turn back to you, Kat handed you both warm mugs. Only a grateful grin could be given before you took a sip and let the tea melt the remains of ice that settled in your chest. With the comfortable silence setting in, you asked:

“Nerves?” giving the woman a quick once over, it was easy to determine that she too has been struggling with the night-time demons.

The shadows under her eyes, hands clutching tightly at the mug as if to find comfort in the warmth it provided. Making you appreciate the hand holding yours even more than you deemed possible.

“Yeah,” Kat swallowed hard, her gaze focusing on the darkness outside “Suppose it’s nothing for you, in a business like this but… I’ve never had to deal with a world-ending situation. Let alone have it depend on me. Partially” she finished the confession with eyebrows knitted together.

“In truth… neither did I” Neil leaned forward, the sombre look in his eyes settling on Kat, “Sure there were some missions of a bigger caliber than a few boxes of inverted artillery smuggled across Scotland… but nothing exactly like this” hiding grin caused by his answer, you took a longer sip of tea.

There was something incredibly true about him at this moment. Discussing the topics of deadly nature yet adding jokes and anecdotes to keep you all that one step away from despair. Tightening the hold over his hand, you added:

“The grand plan,” murmuring the words you once heard TP say, you reflected, “I bet my uni professors would never quite believe it if I told them that this is where international relations got me” feeling Neil’s gaze, you turned to look at him.

A crooked smile and hair falling into his eyes. Perfection.

“More like fate,” he countered, thumb running over your knuckles absentmindedly.

Biting down on your lip to stop yourself from grinning too widely, you nodded:

“That too,” or I’d like to believe it is.

After a beat, you both faced Kat again, only to encounter her knowing smile, curling the lips with a sharp edge of steel. Then her expression softened as though realising the reality once again.

“Are you scared? Of having to do this… together?” it was the hesitancy that helped you understand the meaning.

You knew Neil caught up too, for her moved an inch closer. Shoulder to shoulder, knees touching. No unnecessary gaps. Together. Just when you thought of answering her question, Neil cleared his throat:

“A little… It’s like… on the one hand, I’m glad we’ll be on the same team, as then I can keep an eye on you” he gave you a little shoulder bump as if to accentuate the addressee, “But then I’ve always been warned about being emotionally compromised during missions. Trouble is I’ve been compromised like that for months, at least” an apologetic shrug to complete the sentence.

He was not even looking at you. Yet, it was too easy to understand what he meant. An excuse for the warmth to settle in your heart again. Months. More reasons to keep fighting for the future.

“Sorry,” returning the nudge, you frowned, “On my side, ever since you came up with this idiotic idea to deal with the lock, I knew I’d follow. Because there’s no way in hell, I’d let you do it alone. But, as you say, the element of emotional compromise is there. God knows I’m terrified of whatever might happen,” the ramblings only stopping because you have run out of breath, “It’s like… when you’re young, and you want to change the world. Sometimes you even begin to believe that it’s going to be your purpose. To be the hero and save the day. But most people grow out of that and never even get the chance” ending the observation, you noticed the two pairs of eyes focused on you.

Kat’s light blue gaze, staring wistfully, nothing but understanding and melancholy. As if whatever you said triggered something deep within the confines of her heart. As if she was grateful.

Neil looked as though he could not quite believe you existed. As though your words made him fall even harder. And then he shook himself awake again, clutching your hand tightly.

“But we do” he nodded lightly, offering support should you need it.

Letting you know that the fate of the world was not only on your shoulders. We. That pronoun again. In response, you could only give back the voice to those things that you still wanted to share with them:

“Yes, exactly. And the child that still occupies parts of my heart… she’s excited to be the hero. While grown-up me is just terrified of the stakes” staring at the dark horizon, you noticed quietly, “Never did I dream of saving the world from an inverted atomic bomb-”

“-Well, actually-” Neil interjected with his picture-perfect, MA in Physics tone, making you roll your eyes affectionately.

Idiot. You exchanged an exasperated grin with Kat before stopping him from starting up a lecture about the details of the Algorithm with a hand clamped over his mouth.

“Shut up, mister smarty-pants” your smile widened at the shocked look in his eyes before you lifted your hand and continued, “But at the same time it makes sense… sort of” faltering, you looked around the space looking for something else to say.

“I know what you mean. I never expected any of this to happen to me, but now that it did… I guess I should’ve seen it coming” Kat had your back, agreeing with your words with the same sense of apprehension in her voice.

It was easy to tell what she meant. The guilt entirely unnecessary yet unavoidable for someone this good. Your need of protest got cut short by Neil:

“Kat, don’t blame yourself for not knowing what Andrei is doing. None of that is your fault” upon her pained look he gave her a reassuring smile to confirm the sentiment.

“It’s easier said than done… but thank you” she offered him a weak attempt at a smile and then looked at you with sparks in her eyes, “You got yourself quite the catch there,” a tiny nod in the direction of the blonde man.

Indeed. Unable to stop the happiness rising in your chest, you countered her look with a smug grin of your own:

“I know” ignoring the blush spreading across Neil’s cheeks, you patted him on the head, “He’s incredible,” an appreciative look at your boyfriend and the free hand placed on his knee.

That woke him up.

“He? I’ve got a name, you know,” the feigned spitefulness making a giggle rise in your throat.

Neil glared at you, the act only betrayed by the very way the corner of his mouth curled up, disrupting the frown. Forcing a poker face, you chose to just go for it:

“Yes, and it sounds as though you were English pensioner spending days playing bingo on Malta,” the slight delivered perfectly.

Gratification instantaneous, with Kat laughing hysterically in the background as you observed Neil’s reaction. He froze mid inhale, eyes widened, showing nothing but confusion. And then his mouth opened to choke out:

“…what the-” before he could get to the expletive of choice, the sound of the zip lock interrupted him with abruptness.

Before either of you turned to check who the newcomer was, you met Neil’s bewildered gaze and shrugged. Squeezing his knee as addition and lifting your hand to make the position a little bit more neutral.

“I see it’s not just me who can’t sleep” Wheeler’s voice ringing out in the room made you turn to look at her.

Stood by the entrance, she gave you all an assessing look. Somehow her appearance felt right. Another grounding voice against the rising unease and panic. Someone to pull you back down from the anxious high horse.

“No rest for the wicked” Neil seemingly got over the previous paralysis, for he offered the woman his best rendition of a devilish smirk and threw his arm over the back of the sofa.

Hand landing perfectly by your shoulder. Simple intimacy.

“What’s on the agenda?” Wheeler strolled across the room to sit on the chair by the table.

Dark gaze nonchalantly slipping over the two of you on the sofa. She was never the one to comment on what she observed, but the way she looked at you was enough. The label was painted in the cheeky smile, hidden in the corner of her mouth. Lovebirds. Somehow you knew that at some point, you would be cornered and made to tell the story with necessary details. If only so that she would have digs in the arsenal of sarcasm at a ready. Ignoring the desire to run away, you answered the question:

“Mostly discussing how strange it all is. You know, us of all people, getting a chance to be the heroes” sensing the apprehension rise again, you added, “I feel like if they knew their fate is down to us… they’d be terrified,” a chill running up your spine.

Suddenly uncomfortable, you inched closer to Neil, using his raised arm to lean into his side and find solace. He understood the intent in a second and pulled you nearer, shooting you a quick concerned look. Questions were no doubt coming after.

“And I wouldn’t blame them,” Wheeler agreed with your grave statement with the usual pensiveness, “Normally I don’t get this jittery before missions… but this one feels more important” she stared at the horizon, lost in thought.

With the anxious thoughts waiting around the corner, you searched your head for anything to light up the mood. A stupid joke or a snide comment. But there was nothing.

“Like something could go wrong?” Kat interrupted your train of thought with the simple question.

Alarmed, you looked up to notice the two women exchange a tense look. It really could go wrong. The worst type of wrong.

Neil sensed the way you stiffened, for he pressed his lips to your temple and gave you a quick kiss. His hand tightened the hold over yours, increasing the feeling of being protected. Got you. As always.

You barely noticed when the airlock opened again. Or when another person walked into the room and took off the oxygen mask.

“What’s all this then?” Ives looked around with the eyebrow raised pointedly.

With the whirlwind of emotions, the only thing left to do was to plant your face in your palms, groaning loudly. What the fuck.

Feeling the questioning gazes of everybody else, you slowly raised your head and asked the soldier with blatant tone:

“Could you be any more British?” a mirrored arched eyebrow for the additional effect.

Maybe he was the distraction you needed. The final piece in the puzzle.

No bullshit taken as Ives grinned and gave you the showpiece bow borrowed from The Crown.

“Top of the morning to you, luv” straightening, he raised his hand to tip off the invisible top hat.

The snicker coming from Neil was the only response you ever needed as you rolled your eyes and hid your face in his chest. No point in pretending.

“Couldn’t sleep?” stroking your back slowly, Neil asked the question.

You appreciated how he accepted your sudden need to be comforted. With the careful touch running up your spine, gently scratching the skin, your thoughts slowed down to an acceptable white noise.

“Yeah. The bunk beds are fucking awful, and I’ve no one to cuddle me” it was the neutral way he said it that made you break out into a violent laugh.

The kind when it is increasingly harder to catch your breath, yet the lightness permeating the chest makes everything worth the aching diaphragm and tears running down the cheeks. You heard Kat follow suit, the light giggles bringing hope you wished to find in the darkness of the night.

“Sorry mate, I’m taken,” Neil shrugged, gesturing towards you.

From the comfortable position, you could make out the smirk on Ives’s face as he threw the remark:

“Traitor,” he sat down on one of the empty chairs and noticed, “Anna will be heartbroken, mind you” a passing glance at the two of you snuggled on the sofa.

At the reminder of the receptionist, you sighed heavily. Because yeah, sure, there was nothing to regret in the best turn your life could have taken. But spiteful looks and cold treatment from Anna were not on the list of things you wanted to keep on experiencing.

As if following your line of thoughts, Neil waved his hand dismissively:

“Oh, she’ll get over it,” you grinned at the hint of irritation in his voice, “Plus, it’s not like I’ve ever promised her anything… Not my fault this one came along and stole my heart,” placing his palm on your thigh, he gave you a loud smack on the forehead.

You raised your head in time to see Ives look as if he was close to getting sick on the floor. For once, you could not blame him.

“Dramatic much,” glaring at Neil, you bopped him on the nose with a poker face.

The only sign he noticed was the deepening state of perplexion visible in his blue eyes.

“Who’s Anna?” Kat’s innocent question was the one to throw you out of the strangest conversation and back into the present moment.

Exchanging a glance with Neil, who shrugged as though permitting you to share the tale, you began. Right where it started for you, with the flirting over the admission papers on that first afternoon. Omitting the more private details of your story, and with Neil’s help with the background, you have managed to entertain her with the account of all things Anna. By the end, Kat was looking at you both with eyes wide and cheeks wet from laughing.

It only got better with Ives and Wheeler contributing to the discussion with tales from the past and anecdotes of their missions long before you came into the picture.

When the silence finally fell again, it was less charged with tension. Sipping a second cup of tea, you rested your head over Neil’s chest, comfortably curled up and content.

“What do you want to do after this?” Wheeler asked the question after a beat with a smile on her face.

Nothing needed clarification. An attempt at making the morning seem less daunting. A spark of hope for after – the magical space where you desperately wished to find yourself already.

“Go to a pub and get pissed” Ives grinned from over the rim of his mug, devilish sparks lightening up his blue eyes.

Too tired to react, you chose to sigh heavily and catch Wheeler’s bemused glare as she scoffed:

“How typical” she rolled her eyes and smiled at you as though sharing a private joke.

Men.

“I was planning to invite you along, but now I’m not so sure” the solder cut back with a feigned sulk.

“I’d rather catch up on all those missed boxing classes,” the retort coming without a second missed, causing a giggle to rise in your throat.

Who knew team banter would be the cure for all ails?

That and the steady embrace, holding you close with hands resting on your knee and waist. Letting you know that no matter the future, he was there. All yours.

“Boring,” Ives murmured the response lowly, earning shooting daggers from his second in command.

You felt Neil chuckle as he rested his chin on the top of your head, observing the conversation silently. Your eyes fell upon Kat, a little separated from the idiotic narrative that overwhelmed the four of you. Suddenly feeling a wave of sympathy towards her, you asked:

“What about you, Kat?” as your eyes met, you sent her a small smile.

“I want to go home to Max and finally live my life without that fear of Andrei lurking in the shadows behind my back,” the candid answer whispered almost shyly, “Sorry, I’ve made it all dark-” she added, looking at the rest of you with panic.

Before you could jump in with reassurance, Ives spoke up:

“It’s alright,” he countered her embarrassed look with a stone-cold resilience, “I offer to shoot that fucker on sight if he somehow comes out of this alive” a shrug to complete the proposal.

The genuine grin on Kat’s face was unmissable.

“Appreciated” she nodded curtly as if to mask the initial reaction.

Before you could ponder on it for too long, Wheeler broke the silence again:

“Neil?” her gaze slipped over you once again, the smirk still hiding on her lips.

You felt him raise his head, tightening the hold over your waist as if it was necessary. And then…

“What I want to do is between me and my girlfriend,” the cheeky undertone making you blush instantly and slap him across the knee in an ill-fated attempt at chiding.

That spark of curiosity not easily diminished, however. You made a mental note to ask him as soon as you were alone what that meant. Because, admittedly, doing things with Neil was the height of your wishes too. And most of those were best kept private.

“Thank fuck”

Ives’s candid reply brought you back to the moment in time to hear Neil add:

“-But… I just want to go on holiday. Spend at least a week without stress and the weight of the whole world on my back. And maybe visit my parents… it’s been way too long” the melancholic tone did not get unnoticed despite the panic that crept up your spine.

Following the basic instincts, you lurched forward to be able to look at him. There was no mistaking that confident expression.

“Should I begin to worry? Because ‘meeting the parents’ sounds… official,” you whispered the word with apprehension.

Yes, that sort of thing was probably expected, given how serious he was. But still. The fear of making an idiot out of yourself in front of Neil’s family enough to trigger the anxiety once more. Somehow it sounded worse than dying in the Siberian shithole tomorrow.

With the tense silence that fell, you could almost hear the way the rest of those present were staring at the two of you with curiosity.

“We are official” Neil reached out to brush away the hair falling into your eyes, “We’ll talk about it later. After,” the soft smile administered perfectly, cutting through your worries in an instant.

Maybe you could survive it. Maybe.

“So… Y/N?” at the mention of your name, you looked up at Wheeler.

Right. Diplomatic, subdued answer it is.Somehow it got easier to find the words with Neil’s hand resting on your knee again.

“Holidays would be nice, certainly” stealing a glance at your boyfriend, you exchanged an excited grin, “And maybe some time to walk around London, appreciate life… I don’t know I think I miss the mundanity. Getting coffee on my way to the lecture; visiting random shops and browsing the shelves just because I could. No inverted bullets, no timey wimey bullshit” with the spite thrown in, you left out a long exhale.

That life seemed so far away now. Almost like something out of a dream, rather than your reality before Neil and Tenet. While you would never wish for anything but your current circumstances, sometimes you missed the normality. The lack of danger waiting upon every corner. No necessity to consider fatal sacrifice in the name of love. Normalcy.

“Think you two have travel agency visit booked,” Wheeler commented, looking between you and Neil with a knowing smile on her lips.

Using the most basic of gravitational pulls, you turned to face Neil with a hopeful look. With how close you were seating, only inches of space left between your faces. Despite the tiredness and insomnia, he was utterly stunning, taking your breath away within seconds. A part of your brain wanted nothing but to press your lips against his, mindless of the audience. As though using the same wavelength, Neil glanced at your mouth for a split second, causing a resurgence of butterflies in your stomach. They never seemed to get a rest anymore. Sharing one last long look, you nodded at the unasked question and awaited his response:

“Mhmm… I like the sound of that” another happy grin and a hand grasping yours tightly, “But now, I think we should try sleeping” stifling a yawn, he finished the tea and stood up to wash the mugs.

Using the slightly awkward silence, you jumped up from the sofa and sent the rest of the group a grateful grin:

“Thanks for this… whatever this was” shrugging lightly, you felt a wave of gratitude fill your chest with warmth.

Suddenly the morning felt a little less terrifying. Perhaps for once, you did belong. For once, you were not alone.

“Always up for chatting shit on the eve of the battle” with the bemused smirk on his face, Ives got up and gave you a quick pat on the back.

You only registered that Neil was back by your side when he placed his arm over your shoulder protectively:

“One could even say… that the real treasure is the friends we made along the way” it was the casual way he said it that made you look at him incredulously.

“Is that… Disney?” with your eyebrows knitted together, you tried to find remains of coherence.

Again: what the fuck.

“Maybe,” shrugging, Neil grinned at Ives as if nothing happened.

“Are you regretting your life choices?” the soldier ignored him and stared at you without a shadow of emotion discernible.

With the overwhelming tiredness and brain cells dying one by one, it was easy to choose.

“Maybe,” parroting Neil, you grabbed his hand “You, with me” without protest, you steered him towards the exit, “Think you need rest,”

Just before you could zip up the airlock after the two of you, Ives’ comment broke the silence:

“Take care of each other out there. I want to get an invitation to that wedding” he shot you a serious look, hiding the concern evident in the blue eyes.

Biting harshly on your lip to prevent the sudden need to run back in there and hug him, you raised your hand in mock salute:

“Yes, sir,” a final nod of understanding before you closed the door.

It would be alright. It had to.

#tenet #tenet fanfic #neil tenet #neil x reader #neil tenet x reader #neil tenet imagine #neil tenet fanfic #robert pattinson #the art of inversion

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headinthestaticsky · 3 years ago

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The Dusk Calls for me: Jasper Hale x Fleur Swan, Chapter 12

AUTHORS NOTES: None of the characters in Twilight belong to me. All rights go to Stephanie Meyer.

We’re heading into the Finale of book 1 folks... I have so many ideas for book 2... it’s going to be great. Hopefully!

“You get ready, you get all dressed up

To go nowhere in particular Back to work or the coffee shop Doesn't matter 'cause it's enough To be young and in love.”

Love by, Lana Del Rey

Bella was finally going to meet the Cullens officially. All day before I had left to go down there she paced, looking like she was going to be sick. All of the Cullens were cooking Italian for Bella. The only person who I was worried about was Rosalie. She was furious at Edward for even dating her, and when he went public with her... it set her over the edge. Emmett was chopping up lettuce and other vegetables for her while Rosalie begrudgingly held a bowl for him to put it in. I was sitting in the living room with Jasper, he was concentrated on reading some books. It was always entertaining to watch vampires read so quickly.

“Is she even Italian?” Rosalie asked.

“Her name is Bella, Rose... she has to be.” Emmett replied.

“Emmett... you thought I was french just because my name is Fleur. That food was really good though... not like I am complaining. I said.

“Okay I admit I messed up there but, I have to be right about this one.”

“Whatever you say Em.”

“Shut it short-stack.”

“At least I don’t hit my head through small doorways.”

He glared at me jokingly and then rolled his eyes.

“Rose, tell her to stop bullying me.”

“I’m sorry I can’t do that... it’s too funny to listen to.” Rosalie said.

“Ugh, I feel betrayed.” Emmett said, his hands going toward his un-beating heart.”

Rosalie smiled, it was soon dropped though. She must’ve kept thinking about Bella.

“She better eat this.”

“Don’t want to sound gluttonous here but... I was totally eat if she doesn’t.... it’s her lose.”

“Stop trying to make me laugh.”

“I will never stop my attempts to make you laugh.”

“Woo, get a whiff of that, here comes the human!” Rosalie said in a sing-songy voice.

Esme smiled widely, she quickly wiped her hands before making her way over to Bella.

“Bella, we’re making Italiano for you.”

“Bella, this is my Esme my mother for all intents and purposes.”

Emmett raised his hand and waved at Bella with a knife in it. Bella and Esme exchanged a bit of Italian.

“Hello again Bella, hope you’re well.” Jasper said.

“Hey, Jasper... hope you’re well too.”

“You’ve given us an excuse to use the kitchen again. We usual make meals for your sister when she stays over.” Carlisle said.

“I hope you’re hungry.” Esme added.

I could see a nervous look on Bella’s face, I probably should’ve told her they would cook for her.

“Y-yeah absolutely.”

“She already ate.” Edward said, a tinge of attitude in his voice.

Rosalie stood there, anger was all of her face. She smashed the bowl she was holding in her hand.

“Pull back Edward, you’re throwing her to the wolves!” I thought.

“Damn Rose... remind me not to piss you off again.” I said.

She had to bite down a smile.

“Perfect...” She said.

“It’s just because... I know you guys don’t eat. I didn’t want to put you into any trouble.”

“Of course, that is very considerate of you.” Esme comforted.

“Just ignore Rosalie, I do.” Edward said.

“Yeah, let’s just keep pretending that this isn’t dangerous for all of us.”

“Look, I would never tell anybody about you guys... Besides, Fleur knows and you trust her.”

“It’s because I pick up a good energy from her... I know I can trust her with anything I tell her. She’s not a backstabber, she’s told me some of the stuff you’ve done. I’m sorry but, it made me sick the way you use to treat her. I hated seeing how upset she got telling the things you and your mother said to her”

My eyes widened before looking down at my legs... maybe me being here just reminded them of some of the things I told them. I wasn’t being much help to Bella right now. Jasper sensing my nerves rising, calmed them down. My uncomfortable mood slowly simmering down.

“Rosalie, stop... don’t worry Bella, she knows you wouldn’t say anything about us to anyone.” Carlisle said.

“Well, the problem not is, you two have gone public now so...”

“Emmett.” Esme interrupted.”

“No, she should know. The entire family could get implicated if this ends badly.”

“Badly, as in... I would become the meal.”

All of the Cullens in the house except for Rosalie and Esme started to laugh. I heard a few thumps before I saw Alice and Dean enter the room.

“Hi, Bella... I’m Alice.” Alice jogged toward Bella, giving her a hug.

“Hi.”

“Gosh, you do smell good.”

“Alice what’re you.”

“Don’t worry... Bella and I are going to be great friends.”

Dean looked like he was struggling to say something. I could tell he was uncomfortable to be around Bella right now.

“It-it’s a p-pleasure to meet you.” He said.

“Don’t mind Dean, he and Jasper are our newest vegetarians.”

“It’s okay Dean, you won’t hurt her.”

The expression on Edward’s face made me want to laugh.

“Okay well, I’m going to show her around the house.”

“Okay.” Bella mumbled.

“I’ll see you soon.” Alice said.

“Okay.” Bella said again.

“So cute!” Esme gushed.

“I know!” Alice said in agreement.

“I think that went well.” Carlisle added.

“Rose, clean this up... now.” Esme said.

I leaned back into the couch, sinking into it. Jasper put his arm around my shoulder. “What an interesting visit.” I thought to myself.

Another day came and went by, Bella and I were on our way to the diner. It had been so long since I had been down there. I was in the passengers seat of her truck. I thought since we were going to the same place, we should probably drive in the same vehicle... During out drive she started talking about how Edward had been watching her sleep for months.

“Are you serious Bella? That’s kinda creepy.”

“I’m sure you have Jasper in your room with you at night.”

“Yeah but, he always asks me before he goes in there. We plan stuff like that out... He should be coming later tonight actually.”

“Okay... you have a point there.”

When we arrived at the diner and got out of the truck Mike approached us...

“Hey, you and Cullen huh? I don’t like it... I mean he looked at you like you’re something to eat.”

Bella and I looked at each other and smirked... he had no idea how correct he was in that statement. We walked past him and entered the dinner, dad was already waiting for us.

“Hey I hope you two don’t mind I ordered food for you guys already. I got you Bells a Spinach Salad and I got you a burger Fleur.”

“Yeah that sounds good.” I said.

“Good picks dad. Even though, you should get a salad like me next time... cut back the steak.” Bella said.

“Hey, I’m as healthy as a horse.”

"Hey , Chief, the boys want to know... did you find anything by Queets river today?" The waitress asked.

"Yeah, we found a bare human footprint... but it looks like whoever it is is headed east... the Kisap County Sheriff is gonna take over from here."

"Okay, I hope whoever it is... they get them fast." The waitress then walked away, a group of men started talking within there group.

I turned around hearing something outside, Mike was doing something to a poor bush outside. I nudged Bella, trying to get her attention.

“Hey, someone’s flagging you outside.”

“It seems that Newton boys got a big smile for you.” Dad added.

Bella looked, and then turned back around, her face looked horrified.

“You can join them if you want.” I said smirking.

“Shut up you jerk... Mike is a good buddy though.” She said back.

Dad face flushed slightly... as if what he was going to say next was embarrassing.

“W-what about any other of the yahoo’s in town?”

“Dad... we aren’t going to talk about boys are we?” Bella said, her face starting to turn red too.”

“I guess not... with you at least.... How is everything going with you and Jasper, Fleur?”

I looked up confused, how did conversation about Bella’s relationships get turn into one about mine.

“It’s going well.”

“Good, I noticed you’ve been spending a lot more time with him lately. That car ride you took was a long one.”

“Oh yeah we drove out for a while... we looked at the stars... it was really nice. He told me I seemed stress and just decided to take me somewhere.” I said, I looked down at my hands while smiling.

Dad seeing this smiled too.

“I always liked that boy, you got yourself I good one.”

“I know I do.” I said finally looking up at him.

“I was only bringing up boys with you Bella because... I feel like I leave you alone too much.”

“I don’t mind being alone dad, I’m like you in that way.”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

Timeskip: Later that night.

I was in my room, thinking about what dad had said earlier... He found a bare human footprint in the woods. Could it of been the same footprint of the woman who’s body I seemed to be suck in during my dreams? Or could it of been someone else entirely? The wind from my open window got harsher for a second, I then heard a familiar soft thud on my floor. I turned my head, locking my eyes with his.

“What’s going on in that head of yours love?” Jasper asked

“Just thinking of something my dad said earlier...”

“What is it?”

“My dad said he found a bare human footprint down at Queets river today... He said it was heading east. Have you guys found anything yet?”

“No, we haven’t found anything, it’s starting to get frustrating. Have you had anymore dreams about those vampires?”

“Nope... if it is them though, I have a feeling that print was just a trap to throw them off course.”

“I do too... hey, my family and I plan on playing baseball tomorrow, since Edward is inviting Bella... I thought you could come too.”

“Yes, I would love too, watching Emmett climb and crash into things is my favorite part of the game. That and all those tricks you do with the bat.”

“It’s a plan then, I’ll pick you up tomorrow.”

“Sounds good.” I pecked his lips before getting comfortable in my bed, I was still a human... I needed some sleep. I laid there, Jasper behind me holding close.

“Tomorrow is going to be a fun day.” I thought to myself, before drifting off to sleep.

#jasper hale x oc #jasper hale #rosalie hale #jasper hale x reader #edward cullen #alice cullen #esme cullen #emmett cullen #carlisle cullen #bella swan #twilight #twilight saga

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little-diable · 4 years ago

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Witches brew - Jasper Hale (fluff)

Request by anon: Hi!! So I know it's pretty short notice so no pressure especially if it's not something u wanna write but it's my birthday tomorrow!! So I was wondering if it was possible for you to do a jasper imagine where like the reader is his mate and shes a witch and they meet when shes out collecting herbs, and hes out with friends or well family and she knows what they are right away but isn't scared and it's just super cute and reader is a smart ass and sassy. Sorry that's so long and messy thank you!!

Happy Birthday lovely anon!! Maybe a few of you are lotr fans and will notice something... Enjoy my loves. xxx

(y/gm/n)= your grandmothers name

A few stars were dancing across the night sky as (y/n) made her way through the forest, mind set on a specific place, a place where she was sure, that she’d find whatever she was looking for. (Y/n) was too focused on her task, to feel the little thorns that were molesting her legs, not noticing the way a bit of blood was oozing out of the wounds.

(Y/n) came to a sudden halt, she crouched down in front of the Athelas plant, eyes focused on the blossoms, her hands were moving like they were on autopilot, slowly picking the flowers apart, carefully putting them into different jars. She could still remember her grandmother telling her all bout the plant, the different brews she’d have to mix up, in order to unfold its magic power.

Her grandmother had been a witch, just like (y/n), she had taught her everything she knew by now, told her all about magical creatures and how she’d be able to protect herself, something she was incredibly proud of. (Y/n) missed her grandmother, missed to have somebody to talk to, somebody that would understand what she was struggling with.

The witch was still too focused on the Athelas plant, to notice that somebody, or rather a few somebodies, were nearing. The whole Cullen clan was standing behind (y/n), watching the girl mindlessly looking at the plants, “she’s bleeding”, Alice couldn’t stop herself from speaking up, hands covering her nose, trying to switch her focus away from the heavenly smell.

Alices voice ripped (y/n) out of her state, her head whipped around, eyes finding seven pairs of golden eyes watching her, the pale skin made her realize, who was standing in front of her. Vampires. A smile tugged on (y/n)s lips as she rose to her feet, “you must be the Cullen family.”, she wasn’t a stranger to the towns gossip.

“I’m Carlisle Cullen and that's my family,-”, the blonde haired man took a step forward, hand reached out for her to take, a tight smile on his lips, “-, we are sorry to disturb you. We certainly didn’t expect, to come across somebody, in this part of the forest.”. (Y/n) firmly shook his hand, chuckling as she took in the state his family was currently in, eyes dropping down to the shirt from the bulky looking boy, blood was smeared all across the fabric.

“(Y/n) (Y/l/n). Seems as if I’ve disturbed your hunting session, I’m sorry.”, she bowed down to pick up her basket, eyes wandering across the Cullens shocked expressions. “Well, you should probably clean up a bit nicer, the next time you approach somebody, after you’ve been hunting.”, she pointed her finger towards Emmetts shirt, a smirk on her lips.

“You must be (y/gm/n) granddaughter.”, Carlisle took in her features, he had read all about her family before, about the witches traditions. (Y/n) nodded her head “yes”, eyes finding the golden ones of Jasper, she felt her heart flutter as he smiled at her, a tingling sensation shot through her.

The Cullens had invited her into their home, curious to get to know the witch, witches were rare in this part of the world, something you wouldn’t come across every day. “Would you stop staring at me like I'm some kind of weird animal.”, (y/n) shot Rosalie a glare, already getting annoyed with the way the blonde haired vampire was staring at her, not missing the way Edward and Jasper were smirking at (y/n).

It didn’t take her long to pull most of the Cullens, besides Rosalie, into her charm, they were intrigued by her, especially Jasper, he couldn’t get rid of the feeling, that (y/n) could take on a big role in his life. Carlisle was impressed with her knowledge about herbs and plants, being able to learn a few new things from her, Esme enjoyed to have somebody near, that she could cook for, a massive smile on her lips every time she got to use her kitchen.

Even Jasper and (y/n) got to know each other better over the past weeks, she was just as mesmerized with him. He couldn't stop himself from wanting to be close to her, even if he’d just watch her brew another potion, “come on, it’s your turn.” (y/n) pulled on his hand, trying to ignore the tingling feeling. She began to explain to him, what he should add into the jar, how many times he’d have to stir it, chuckling every time he messed something up.

A groan left him as he managed to mess it up again, “seems as if I’m a hopeless case, darlin’.”, golden eyes finding her (y/e/c) ones, (y/n) grasped his forearm, front pressed against his side, showing him how to stir the potion. She felt her breath hitch in her chest as she realized that he was still looking at her, eyes switching between her eyes and her lips. “You should concentrate on the jar, Jasper.”, (y/n) whispered as she looked into his golden eyes, her stirring came to a halt as he dipped his head down, whispering a small “sorry”, before pressing his cold lips against hers.

(Y/n) had to let go of the spoon, hands grasping his face, trying to pull him even closer. She felt her insides burning, sparks were running up her limbs as he kept on kissing her, enjoying the way she was melting into his touch. By now it was quite obvious to the whole clan, that (y/n) was Jaspers mate, even Rosalie felt happy for her brother, Jasper deserved to have somebody by his side, that would love him till eternity.

#Jasper Hale #jasper hale imagine #jasper whitlock #jasper whitlock imagine #twilight #twilight imagine #the Cullens #Carlisle Cullen #Esme Cullen #Rosalie Hale #Emmett Cullen #Edward Cullen #Jackson Rathbone #jasper hale x reader #Jasper Hale fluff

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novantinuum · 5 years ago

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Is the “villain card” really a VILLAIN card- or something else?

So, I’ve been thinking a lot today about @faelapis‘s recent post (link in reblogs so this can go in tags) discussing the corrupted Steven theory, and specifically how he pointed out how in the intro... that the camera “zooms inside Steven’s heart” when transitioning to the shot that features Big Looming Pink Fella.

And I know the fandom generally refers to threatening spreads such as these as “villain cards,” since- at the time of the intro’s release in October, all of these characters were heavily implied to be antagonistic to our main characters in some way. But after seeing the first ten episodes of SUF in full, I feel we should pause and ask ourselves-

Are any of these characters really villains?

And if not, then what IS their role in the greater story of this epilogue, and more importantly- their role featured prominently in the show’s intro?

Let’s take a quick look at the characters we’ve seen already.

Jasper

Thus far, Jasper has played the least antagonistic part she ever has in the entire history of Steven Universe. I’d even go so far as to consider her a shaky acquaintance of Steven’s, at this point.

But as far as her purpose in the show goes so far, Jasper is important because she is the very first person to mash it up with Pink Mode Steven. The very first person who catches a glimpse of this new ability of his to begin with. When Steven first shifted into this state, it was because she pushed him into a situation that was both emotionally and physically compromising. Jasper is every bit as stubborn as Steven. She knows exactly how to push his buttons. It’s for this reason that I don’t think he would’ve discovered his pink state without her, without her egging him on to fight.

Steven tries his best to be very patient with everyone, and yet his frustrations with Jasper’s inability to move forward (hypocrite, much?) elicited a rather jarring rush of directed anger that- before- he generally seemed to keep bottled inward.

I get the strong sense that he didn’t allow himself to freely and openly express these sorts of “negative” emotions at all before this encounter.

Furthermore, Jasper slapped him in the face with the biggest call-out of his mental state ever.

Jasper: “I don’t need your help. You’re the one that needs help. You think you’ve beaten me, but you’ve never beaten me on your own. You’ve always been a fusion. You’ve always had your friends because you’re nothing without them. You think everyone needs help.”

Steven: “I – I just…”

Jasper: “But it’s only you. No one is as pitiful as you.”

Every other episode of the show so far has only gone to further showcase that this is what Steven believes about himself right now. (See: Little Graduation, especially.)

And what happened with Jasper that day... was just the beginning of his slow decline.

Bluebird Azurite

This character... also isn’t big villain material. She’s barely even a threat.

Rather, Bluebird serves as a stark reminder for Steven that there are people out there that hate him for being him. Not only that, but those who would fuse for just that reason.

To hate him together.

(I must admit, I still find the notion of Steven potentially falling apart because of a lack of self-love interesting, as much as it is heartbreaking. But I already wrote that post, so moving on-)

But she also is a reflection of how Steven is resistant to change right now.

Greg: “I mean, everyone can change, but not everyone wants to.”

Steven: “Yeah...”

He used to believe in the idea of positive change wholeheartedly, and yet... I think the passing years have led him to a place where he himself is scared of it, of the unknown, of moving on from what’s comfortable, of all the nebulous what-ifs. Which is why when Bluebird shows up, he projects his own resistance on this scenario. He doubts Bluebird’s ability to change for the better because he now doubts that for himself.

Instead, I think he fears he may be changing for the worse.

I strongly believe we’re going to see Bluebird again. I just get the sense that there’s more she can bring to the table.

“Mean” Lapis and “Nice” Lapis

Also not villains. Just obstacles.

Similarly to Bluebird, they seem to push that “resistance to change” theme further for Steven. Some people just... are stuck in their ways. (Thankfully though, not all of them. Thanks, Freckles. Love ya lots!)

Since Why So Blue is focused squarely on capping Lapis’ character arc, there’s not as much Steven-related meta threads I can glean from their first appearance, truth be told.

I think we’re likely to see more from these two, as well. If they do serve a greater role in the overarching story of SUF, it isn’t complete yet. Fingers crossed!

Cactus Steven

Dear goodness, this creature is completely innocent. Poor baby. XD

This poor fella plays the role of being a physical embodiment of- at the time of Prickly Pair- Steven’s mental state, and pushing the lad to repress his turbulent emotions even further.

Throughout SUF so far, Steven has become consumed by negative self-talk, (”I used to be helpful, but the Gems don't need me anymore”), a stark reluctance to let anyone see the evidence of his mental instability, and explosive anger he cannot gain a handle on.

And as his mirror, Cactus Steven:

Repeats things Steven says, spilling all of that negative self-talk and the reasons why he doesn’t want to approach the Gems about his issues.

Is shoved away under a box, representing Steven’s emotional repression.

Warps into a monstrous form, explosive anger brimming at the surface.

Notably, Cactus Steven only fights in direct response to what others lay on him. He is not overtly antagonistic until Steven himself makes the first strike. Later, while the Gems are attempting to fight him back, he desperately tries pushing them away... much like Steven has been all season.

Cactus Steven: “Just... get... OUT!”

Furthermore, Steven creates him. He creates this monster. He’s the reason he becomes so messed up in the first place. That has to feel pretty awful, especially when he’s doubting his ability to be helpful nowadays. He tried to nurture this creature, and look where that got him? This furthers the narrative idea mentioned earlier, of Steven perhaps fearing that he’s now changing for the worse.

Finally, by by the end of this episode, it seems worryingly as if Steven’s reluctance to open up about his problems has solidified.

Pearl: “Is there anything you need to talk about...?”

Steven: “...I think I’ve said enough.”

To wrap...

We don’t yet know what role White Diamond will play, but it’s probable that it’ll be something that strongly impacts Steven in a personal way. And at this point in the show, I’m doubtful she’ll suddenly heel-turn back into villainy.

With all this in mind, my current theory is that...

These characters are not on this title sequence card as ‘villains’ at all, but rather, each serve as important ‘road markers’ on the path towards the eventual climax of SUF.

Meaning, Steven’s encounters with each of them will influence his way of thinking in a way that leads him further down the road towards eventual corruption. Or whatever else is waiting for him at the end.

And the camera specifically “zooms into Steven’s heart” because these characters, standing in front of that monster, represent the moments that lead him into that state.

What we’re seeing here is a visual record of the burden he carries inside him.

#su #su future #steven universe #su meta #corrupted steven theory #my post stuff #long post #the mighty 500 #1K #2K #3K

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diamondcamefromhell · 4 years ago

Text

Cane

Kaz Brekker x fem!reader

A/N: play “guess whos back” on me because ayee, i am back, this time not with jaskier fic [sorry bby] but with... kaz brekker? whaa? so i am super late to the fandom but i read six of crows a couple of weeks ago and wanted to write an imagine with kaz x reader so.... vuioula?

oh and also HAVENT read crooked kingdom yet so no spoilers plz <333

Summary: y/n is part of the dregs, on good terms with kaz but when kaz gets a bit hurt things take a turn

Warnings: swearing and leg injury [not grpahic at all]

word count:

FEEDBACK IS APPRECIATED AND REQUESTS ARE OPEN BUT I MIGHT TAKE AWHILE TO GET TO THEM [open for all witcher and six of crows characters btw]

Kaz slipped on his gloves looking at me like I was a disgrace, but I began to wonder if that was is resting face. He seemed to look like that at nearly everyone. I flashed him my teeth in return.

“No need to glare, pretty boy.” He clicked his tongue at my nickname, which I knew for a fact he hated. Or pretended to hate.

“Get off my fucking wardrobe, Y/N.” I lift by brows in question, laying back down, or trying to do so as much as I could in the small space.

“I like it here.” I shoot a glance at Kaz, who just rolls his eyes, but I see a small curl forming on his lips. “I may be no Inej, but I like small spaces.”

“I know.” Kaz says almost softly, before he picks up his cane and pokes me in the legs. “But terrorize someone else, please.”

“Oh did our great Kaz Brekker just said please?” I tease, but however jump off his wardrobe. Kaz towers over me slightly, looking down now, leaning on his cane.

“Next time I will beat you with my cane.” I narrow my eyes, grinning.

“Ooh, scary.” I pat him on the shoulder, moving away before he actually beats me with his cane. His expression grows cold at the touch, but I ignore it. “Where are we headed?”

“I am going to see some friends.” Kaz says through his teeth, making it pretty clear I am not welcome.

“You don’t have friends, but alright, pretty boy.” I wink, heading for the door, but I stop for a moment before leaving. I shoot a glance at him and he raises his eyebrows. “Be careful, please.”

“You don’t have to worry about me.” He says nonchalantly.

“You know I always will.” I whisper, leaving the room and slamming the door.

I decide to make my way to Jasper, jumping down the stairs to catch him gambling at the table. I glance at the group, already guessing he will lose. He sees me approaching and flashes me a smile. I wink in turn, looking around the room for more familiar faces.

I wish Nina were here. We got along great, even if she was relentless and insisted I have a crush on Kaz.

She may be right. But it wasn’t about that. It was about respect. Gratitude. It was about family.

Kaz makes his way downstairs, limping more than usual. Inej appears from nowhere and they exchange a few whispers before he leaves and the Suli girl looks at me.

“He’ll be fine, you know.” She says, approaching me. I believe her, but still feel uneasy.

“Do you think he would kill me if I followed him?” Inej laughs because the answer is blaringly obvious. I flush red.

“He would one thousand percent catch you. And be angry.” Inej takes my hand in hers. “And he will be fine. You don’t have to worry. It’s Kaz.”

“Bastard of the Barrel.” I mutter, pulling away. Inej’s face shadows but she forces a smile. I don’t respond. “I’m going to sleep.”

“It’s early.” I glance at Inej, already walking away.

“I’m tired.” I respond, stepping two steps at a time, rushing into a room they got let me stay in, falling face down on my bed.

Moments later I roll down off it, in the small tight space between the bed and the wall. Tight places make me feel safe. Not exposed. Hidden.

I had to hide too much as a child. It’s now forever in me.

You only wont get hurt if they don’t find you. If they don’t see you. If you make yourself so small, you disappear.

I slip into sleep, not sure for how long, until my door flies open. I instinctively lower myself underneath my bed, until I recognize that the voice.

“Y/N!” Jasper. I roll from under the bed, meeting his gaze as he gets startled. Our eyes lock and he opens his mouth to speak. “It’s Kaz…”

I don’t wait for him to finish. I am on my feet, practically flying out of my room, my heart a few steps behind, lungs on fire, I go to his room, but he is not there. I slam the door behind me, sending myself flying down the stairs.

I lose my footing, falling ungracefully on my knees. My ankle seemingly catches fire but I don’t care, jumping on my feet, looking around, white noise ringing in my ears.

Kaz. Where is he?

I see Inej rush from the furthest corner of the room. Our eyes meet.

“Here.” She points, but as I try to rush past her into the other room, she catches me. “You need to calm down first.”

“Let me go.” I practically growl, but she holds me. I feel Jasper approach too.

“Breathe, for fucks sake.” Jasper says, shaking my shoulders from behind, and I let out a breathe that I didn’t even realize I was holding in.

“Kaz is fine.” Inej says, forcing me to look at her. “Just his leg got busted a little bit more. He will be fine. Nina is on her way.”

“Let me in.” I hiss, freeing myself from her grip, but she stands in front of the door.

“He said-“ I slam my hand next to her face. She doesn’t flinch and doesn’t move. We lock eyes.

“I don’t care.” I know she understands. I know she knows why I have to see him. She moves out of the way.

“Knock yourself out.” She says coldly. I give her a nod, before I twist the handle, pushing the door.

The room is lit up and I see Kaz in a chair, his leg lifted on another one. He has his eyes closed, holding his cane over his midriff. He doesn’t look at me when I close the door.

“I thought I made it clear I don’t want you hear.” Ouch. I cross my arms, glaring at him, even if he cant see.

“I thought you said you will be fine.” I respond and he looks at me, cold faced.

“I am fine.” I shake my head, approaching him. I sit on the ground, pulling knees to my chest. A comfortable distance away, so he doesn’t kick me if I piss him off.

“That scared the shit out of me.” I whisper, closing my eyes. “When Jasper came in my room and just said your name and when Inej stopped me. I thought you died.”

“Why should it matter if I died? It doesn’t change your debt. Your life.” I snicker at his words.

“Yeah. My life would totally be the same if you died, Kaz.” I hate that I cant hide the shaking. I hate that he probably sees me as a weak woman. As a weak person. Someone childish and immature. But I cant stop acting like that. Even now, when he is hurt.

“People would still take care of you.” I glance up at him just as he looks down to me. “If that’s what you worried about. The Dregs have your back.”

“There are no Dregs without you.” I say, but he scoffs.

“Whatever.” I sigh, standing up. My ankle kills me suddenly, and I grab his chair to steady myself. “Are you alright?”

“Whatever.” I say, looking at him. “Why should it matter if I am hurt? Your life is the same.”

“Not if you don’t pay your debt.” He says and I am taken back. I stare at him, stone faced, sitting there without a care of the world. Only kruge. All he needs is kruge.

“Fuck you, Kaz.” I breathe out, stepping back, limping.

“You too, Y/N.” Doors behind my back open and I can only assume it’s Nina.

I don’t say a word. I turn around, not even saying hi, I leave the room. I limp past Inej and Jasper. They don’t try to stop me. I limp out of the building into the dark streets of Ketterdam.

I breathe in the air, not sure where to go. I needed to air out my emotions. To be away from everyone.

I wanted to be alone. To hide. Make myself feel small. Invisible.

Seemed that is what I will always be. Only seen for what people need of me, not who I am.

But then again, who am I?

I go to the Fifth Harbour. I know its not safe. I know its dumb. But I don’t care.

Luckily, I get there without any trouble. I go behind some crates and fishing nets stacked against one of the buildings. I squeeze myself in, make myself invisible between two crates. I throw the net over the top.

Sky looks like its made from puzzle pieces now. Nothing is connected. All scattered, all a mess.

I close my eyes.

“Im such a fucking child.” I say to myself, quietly. “I cant handle rejection like an adult.”

I lean back breathing in the salty air. I can barely move. It makes me feel safe. I focus on that. How I am squeezed in. How I feel.

How it proves I am alive. I am real. I matter.

I don’t realize how I fall asleep, softly crying, but when I wake, the sun is already high in the sky. My entire body is stiff from being squeezed in one position all night. Everything hurts and I can barely open my eyes.

I try to stand, but the pain in the ankle stabs me and send me back to the ground, with the net tangling around me. A wave of panic rushes over me as I try to get it off, only making matters worse.

I stop and breathe, trying to calm down, until I hear someone knocking on a crate nearby. Something towers over me, blocking the sun.

I open my eyes to see Kaz looking down to me. A smallest hint of relief runs past his face for a moment, but then he is back to being cold.

“Need a hand?” He asks, tapping the cane on the crate again. I glare at him, tears burning my eyes. I shake my head. “Alright.”

He moves away, the sun blinding me again. I don’t hear him walk away, so I know he is still standing there. Probably mocking me. Great.

I get the net off myself this time. Lift myself despite my body screaming at me. Just a moment later I am standing in front of him and our eyes meet again.

I limp past him, he silently walks behind.

“Told you I am fine.” He speaks, and I hear him double tap his cane. “As good as I was before.”

“Good.” I say, not slowing down. “Glad to hear that.”

“Nina is back at Crow Club to help you.” Kaz says again and this time I glance back. He isn’t looking at me, but more at the people passing us.

“Okay.” I slow down as my ankle is killing me now, limping even more. I don’t want Kaz to see me like this. Everything hurt. “I know the way.”

“Just keeping you safe.” He says calmly, and I know he expected me to protest.

“I don’t need you to keep me safe.” I say quietly and the man just sighs.

I stop for a moment, next to some other crates, leaning against them. Kaz catches up to me, blocking the sun again. I look at him.

“Am I really just walking kruge for you?” I ask, breathing heavily. “Not a walking, breathing and feeling human being?”

“You are barely walking.” He says, glancing at my ankle.

“Don’t ignore my question.” I say harshly.

“Don’t ask stupid questions.” We glare at each other, and I push myself up and walk again, though visibly way more slowly than before. This time Kaz stays by my side.

“At least I wont bother you anymore. I wont be able to climb that fucking wardrobe anytime soon.”

“Nina will patch you up and you will be there in no time, Y/N.” Kaz doesn’t sound fazed yet again, as if he thought all of this out already.

“I’m clearly not welcome.” I whisper, looking ahead. Tears prick my eyes but I will break another ankle before I let Kaz see me cry over him. “And I need to work harder to pay my debt off.”

“Not being welcome never stopped you before.” I glare at him.

“Thanks.”

We walk in silence. Or move at a snails speed. I try to fasten myself, but it seems like I will eat dirt before that happens. Kaz doesn’t seem fazed.

He also doesn’t seem to be limping as much.

We make it away from the docks, and he stops, and I follow suit. I sit down on the ground, breathing heavily. He stares seemingly into the abyss.

“Why do you care about me?” He asks and I scoff.

“Not here to boost your ego, pretty boy.” I say, rolling my eyes.

“It’s not about that.” He responds with sadness in his voice.

“Because you are the first person who cared about me. Even if it was out of kruge. You are the first person who made me feel not small.” I say in one breath as he looks at me, his expression unreadable. “I want you to do that for yourself too. You wont allow anyone else to help you, I want you to help yourself. I want to be here when that happens. I want to make sure you are here to see that happen.”

“Thank you.” He says so quietly I almost don’t catch that.

I smile to the ground until his gloved hand reaches out to me. I take it, standing up. Then the unexpected happens.

Kaz gives me his cane. I stare at it as if it’s a bomb.

“You need it.” I say, but Kaz shakes his head.

“You need it more, Y/N.” When I don’t move, he shoves it in my hand anyway. “I insist.”

I use his cane, wondering if this is the closest I will ever get to him. His cane feels like an extension of him. And he lend it to me.

We make the rest of the way without stopping or talking, once we enter the building a few pairs of eyes shoot to the cane in my hands and to the empty handed Kaz next to me.

Everyone is smarter than to say something, though.

Nina rushes to me, getting me to sit. Then she proceeds to scold me for walking on my hurt ankle. I sit there, apologising and nodding and thanking her as everyone watches us.

I glance at Kaz who is grinning at the sight.

He leaves though, going back to his room. Nina finishes and only then I realize I am still clutching his cane. I excuse myself from her and go up the stairs while grisha stares at me.

My ankle is way better but I’m still limping and she told me to rest.

I don’t bother knocking, I just limp in and he lifts his head from the table, looking at me.

“Your cane.” I say, putting it on the table.

“Oh right.” He says, looking at it. “How’s your leg?”

“Better now. Thank you.” I say, smiling. “And sorry for being a child.”

“I am glad you are like that. Means you are more than just kruge.” I flush. “You are a person.”

“Does that mean when I get better I can climb your wardrobe?” He rolls his eyes, though smiling.

“Fuck off.” I laugh.

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

#kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker fluff #kaz brekker imagine #six of crows #kaz brekker angst #heart emoji times ten #kaz brekker is daddy #i love him #the dregs #six crows #criminals #i love them all #i am so gay fr the girls

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humans4vampires · 4 years ago

Note

I love you!!!!! Can I request an imagine where the reader is still human and catches Rosalie and Edward being good siblings?? Also some smut WITH THE READER not Rosalie and Edward omg

Anon, from my brain to yours? That sounds weird... Thank you to my smutspiration @little-diable for the saucy pep-talk.

Grease

The mud splattered off your tires as you turned off the highway and onto the familiar, winding road. The sun was making its first and last appearance for the day as twilight set in. The clouds were a luminous shade of purple, thick with rain that loomed for later; you pushed the gas pedal firmly, hoping to make it inside before the downpour.

You grabbed your sweater and pulled it up to your nose, hoping your day spent in La Push hadn’t made your scent too offensive. You shrugged and spoke only to yourself, “Oh, well.”

You had thought of stopping at home to clean yourself up, but you had been on autopilot since you set your mind on returning home to Edward. You picked at the mud caked on your jeans and flicked it away before you combed through your hair, finding small flecks of dried dirt there, too. You thought back to the moment Jacob whirred past you on his motorcycle, sending a wave of sludge in your direction. He had sworn it was an accident, but with a wide grin on his face. The memory of his smile made you smile.

The road opened up then and you entered the wide clearing and approached the house. You slowed down and stopped the car as a blur of motion caught your eye. Alice and Jasper moved at a mortal pace now as they approached you, hand-in-hand. Her eyes were bright and exultant on you; his were only on her. Alice pointed her free hand away from her; a gesture for you.

“Edward is in the garage,” she said, her voice loud to reach you over the roar of your truck.

You were surprised that he was occupied. He usually dropped whatever he was doing to come to you.

Your unspoken question did not go unanswered.

“He’s working on his car with Rosalie,” Alice replied.

“Rosalie?” The surprise in your voice was apparent.

Jasper laughed once under his breath and nodded toward the garage. He smirked and said, “Go on, [Y/n]. She won’t bite.”

Alice swatted his chest playfully before they walked off into the woods together, leaving you behind. You shook your head in disbelief and started off toward the garage.

It was no secret that Edward and Rosalie had a somewhat contentious relationship and bonding moments between them were a scarce rarity; in fact, you couldn’t recall a single instance in which the two had chosen to spend quality time together. And their relationship had only further soured since your arrival had stirred up an imbalance in the Cullens’ lives. Perhaps it was a fluke, you thought.

You pulled in front of the large garage where one of the four bays was open. Edward’s shiny, silver Aston Martin was tilted up, as if on a lift, and facing out of the garage in your direction. The hood was open and you could see a set of legs hanging out from underneath the car. You hopped out of your truck and made your way into the garage.

Edward was speaking aloud, though Rosalie wasn’t verbally responding; you assumed it was a mental conversation. You stood in the opening of the garage door for a moment, knowing they both knew you were there.

The setting was peaceful, the sound of tinkering and the stereo playing a tune at a low murmur that reminded you of a distant time. As you watched them work together, you felt silly for having questioned their relationship. Edward and Rosalie were completely in-sync, moving around each other like magnets, Rosalie only speaking to laugh or chide him. You realized suddenly that there was so much about them both you didn’t know.

You were distracted from that thought when Edward rolled out from under the car to greet you.

You were stunned by his beauty as he sat up gracefully from the mechanic’s creeper, flashing his perfect, crooked smile. You had never seen him in blue jeans before, and the grey t-shirt he wore clung to each of his muscles as they flexed with his movements. His clothes and porcelain skin were patched with black grease and his hand clutched at a wrench. Edward chuckled lightly, picking up the hem of his t-shirt to wipe a swatch of grease from his forehead; the action exposed his perfect abs. The last bit of the day’s sun fell down through the wisps of the trees and a few rays of light found his exposed skin, sparkling sporadically. Your heart began to pound in your chest.

“Hello, love,” Edward cooed.

But you were mentally somewhere else and couldn’t reply. Your mind was racing with the thought of his dirty hands on your body.

Edward’s expression changed as he read each thought cross your mind; a small chuckle escaped his lips as he moved with inhuman speed to stand beside you. He pressed his chest to your shoulder as he brushed your hair away from your face and lingered his lips on your earlobe. You listened to his steady breathing and light laughter.

“You like this?” He whispered in your ear.

You quivered in response.

You were distracted again when you heard an exaggerated sigh. The car lowered, the two front tires meeting the concrete again, as Rosalie moved out from where she had been acting as the jack. She wrapped her arms across her chest and rolled her eyes as she assessed your behavior, sending a wild flush of red to your cheeks.

Edward laughed again as Rosalie stepped out into the gentle beams of light. Her skin glistened as she tossed her golden hair behind her back.

“Thank you, Rose,” Edward said, turning from you to answer Rosalie’s unspoken goodbye.

Rosalie vanished then, as if she had never been there.

“I hope I didn’t interrupt anything,” you said meekly, struggling to get a hold on your thoughts.

Edward chuckled against your ear again. “We were just finishing up.”

His cool breath made you shiver; you could feel the smirk on his lips. Edward slowly bent his arm and you felt his hand come up to your throat. His wrist gently rested below your chin, his fingers firmly wrapped under your jaw. Your pulse increased and your legs felt unsteady as he carefully tilted your head away from him, craning your neck, exposing it to him.

Edward pressed his lips on your skin; you felt his tongue graze your taught neck. A moan passed your lips like a sigh and your eyes fluttered closed. His scent was mixed with motor oil and for some reason, it was more delicious that way.

Edward straightened himself out, pulling away from you with a soft laugh. “You let me get carried away,” he complained.

“I wish you would,” you said breathlessly.

“[Y/n], I’m not as gifted with my self-control as you might think,” he said through gritted teeth, hardening the edge of his jaw. You could feel the honesty in his words as he moved his hands behind your back, clenching them into fists.

His intensity raised every hair on your body; you felt electrified.

“Edward, please, touch -“ you pleaded. But you were suddenly moving.

The sound of metal crashing to metal rang in your ears; in an instant, Edward had snapped the hood of the Aston Martin closed and placed you over the top.

He hovered over you, nestling his head between your thighs. Your hands wound their way through his copper hair, the anticipation leaving you breathless. His hands found the waist of your jeans and Edward let out feral sound as he tore into your denim. Your hands searched for a grip as his fingers bent the metal at your hips.

Your eyes found his, which were now a deep black. You’d never seen him this way; like he was a predator. He studied you before bending his head down to your thigh. He traced your veins with his tongue. Breathless words spilled out of your mouth as you begged for him to take you.

“[Y/n], please,” Edward growled, pulling you out of your fantasy. You were both still standing, the hood of the car still up. Had you imagined it?

Your eyes snapped around the room as he walked away from you. He tossed something to the floor in frustration; what was left of the wrench. He took a deep breath and unclenched his hands to cross his arms. His expression was scolding.

You struggled to catch your breath and muttered a weak apology.

He chuckled, rolling his eyes.

“What am I to do with you?” He quipped.

You laughed too. “It would be great if you could do that.”

You brought the mental image up again, plaguing his thoughts with your own.

He shook his head, “Not tonight, [Y/n], please.”

You threw your hands down in surrender. “Fine,” you groaned. “Another time then.”

Edward laughed again. “This really does something for you?” He said, gesturing to his grease-stained body.

You nodded, biting your lip, “Mhmm.”

His expression was incredulous, “I’ll get myself cleaned up then.”

He started for the garage door and you chased after him.

“I’m a bit of a mess myself,” you commented.

He eyed you speculatively as you both made your way toward the house.

You put your mind to work again, imagining the two of you pressed against the glass of his shower, his lips on your skin, your hands in his hair.

“Not tonight, [Y/n],” he repeated himself.

“Another time then.”

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strangerobin · 4 years ago

Text

Rue: Chapter 5 (Jasper Hale x OC Imagine)

Just some familial bonding and a new discovery.

**Note: Introducing Adeline's little makeshift family :D The problem with thinking too much is that the more you think, the longer the story gets, and you try to give more backstory to each side character until you get totally distracted by them lol So expect more appearances from Adeline's little family ;) wink And expect this to be a slow slow burn Also I hope I've done justice to Alice's and Jasper's relationship (which obviously deviates heavily from the book but whatever); it's as said before, it's always sad to see a relationship dissolve, especially when it's not because of the lack of love for each other But not every relationship works till the very end, and it's alright It's still a precious part of life**

When she was warm and fed, Adeline retreated with Loreen into the latter’s room. The raging storm in her chest was finally calming by the child’s careless humming as she laid in Loreen’s double bed, guarded by plushies and dolls of all sort. While Loreen was parked next to her enormous hand crafted dollhouse, deftly placing each doll into their designated place. There was something she had noticed that was nagging at her.

“Why are you wearing gloves indoors?”

Loreen started and whipped her head towards Adeline, clearly made uncomfortable by the question. “Um… well you see…” The child spluttered, momentarily staring at her hands before finally shrugging nonchalantly and tugging the pair of gloves off. “You’re right, I suppose they are ridiculous, aren’t they?”

She threw the pair of gloves over her dresser before stooping to stuff the rest of her miniature dolls into the dollhouse and diving into bed. Her attention already distracted by something else like any child would do.

“Ohhh! What’s this Addie? I never saw this on you before.” She pointed to the little silver locket around her neck. Clearly fascinated by the intricate carvings on the locket. “It’s absolutely gorgeous!”

“Oh this old thing?” Adeline fingered the trinket, felt the grooves and the carving underneath her thumb. It was funny how she could look at it now with a sterilised sense of calm but god forbid lose control so easily faced with the man in the woods.“It was from a friend.”

“Pretty.” Loreen murmured. Leaning closer to check out the trinket, she touched it gingerly with a finger and was immediately absorbed by it. “Must be very important if you’re still holding onto it after all these years.”

That struck a nerve and Adeline quickly tucked the locket beneath her bathrobe and shot Loreen a smile, abruptly changing the subject. “Well aren’t you chatty tonight, Lorie.”

“Well you know what I’m down to chat about?” Loreen shifted her little body so that she was on her stomach, cheeks in her hands, sizing Adeline up with her brown eyes. “Your absence.”

“You sure you want to talk about this, young lady?” Adeline laughed, amused by the child’s antics.

“I do.” Was the child’s serious reply.

“Well you have Anakin. And Teddy. I think you hardly need me around.”

“Anakin’s a tyrant, he never takes no for an answer. And he’s surprisingly very persuasive when he wants. And Teddy… Teddy’s fine, he’s a good a soul. But he’s a bit of a bore.”

Adeline snorts. “Good soul? Good lord Loreen where did you learn to talk like this?”

Loreen pouted cutely. “See this is all Anakin’s work. He’s just no fun really. I miss having you around, I need another girl to talk to!”

“Oh sweetheart I’m sure some of the neighbour’s kids would play with you.”

“They’re such children! I couldn’t possibly play with them! I’m surrounded by goldfish everywhere!”

“You’re a child yourself. And you’re not in an aquarium, Loreen.”

“Yes I am, so I really need you here with me. Besides Father never comes. I mean you’d actually be pretty undisturbed here. He calls us disappointments anyways. He only ever has time for the elites!”

Adeline smiled ruefully and reached a hand pat the little one’s head. Here she was, worrying even her little sister. “He will be around more, if he knew I was here.”

“Ahhh to be a favourite child.” Loreen sighed dramatically.

“Seriously, where did you learn to speak like this?”

“What? Because it is unbecoming of a child?”

“Exactly.”

The pair stared the other down until finally Loreen cracked.

“I might have been rifling through Netflix a bit…”

“And?"

“And I do so adore those British period pieces.”

“There we have it! I think I might need to talk to Anakin about you-“

“Oh you are odious!” Loreen pouted again, before latching onto Adeline’s arm. “Please, please, pretty please! Don’t rob me of my only joys in life! Anakin’s barely even bothers with me half the time and have you seen Teddy? No! Because he’s always out to do some boring stuff and I’m always alone! I’m bored out of my mind! I'll read anything in this house, I even read the dictionary to pass time!”

Adeline laughed again. “Alright, little lady. I’ll let you be, so long as you go to sleep right now.”

Still grumbling, Loreen got under the quilt but nonetheless snuggled close to Adeline.

“Sweet dreams dear.”

She watched the child close her eyes. Lucky child, she wished she was back in that little cottage, snuggling up to her sister, a fire roaring in the hearth. When sleep was easy and her dreams were not tainted by her demons and shadows of regret.

But just as she felt the tendrils of an oncoming nightmare, she felt a small hand reaching up to her forehead. Adeline soon felt a warmth enveloping her body, her head was on a pillow of cloud. And just before she fell into a dreamless slumber, she thought she heard a whisper.

“Sleep well, Adeline.”

“Jasper are you sure?” Alice asked worried, hurrying after the man as he strode with purpose.

“I’m sure.” They were at a car dealership in Minnesota. Alice had been stumped trying to scour for possible leads for Adeline, but something had changed for Jasper. Instead of the usual moroseness that clung to him, he seemed to have been rejuvenated by some unknown spark, there was a new found confidence in him of sorts. It mystified her, he was acting like a child who had been let on a secret that he only knew.

“I’ll drive you to the closest airport and you can take the next flight home.” Jasper said as he led her to the car he had bought. “Then I’ll continue on from there.”

“And how exactly are you going to find her, Jasper?” She quizzed. “If a seer can’t even find her. And she leaves practically no scent for anyone to follow if she wants.”

Jasper turned to look at her then, really looked at her; she scrutinised him equally hard on her part. Searching for an answer.

And it hit her like a bullet to the chest.

She understood then.

“She’s your mate, isn’t she?”

Jasper looked away guiltily before giving her an affirmative nod. “I think so… yes.” His eyes clouded over then, reminiscing. “It took seeing her again to confirm it. But I… I feel her in my heart, this small tugging… incessantly. Even now I can feel it, pulling at me, urging me to move, to be closer.”

“Oh Jasper. That’s wonderful news.” She had to congratulate him, despite still reeling from the shock and the ever-growing pain inside her heart. She really shouldn’t be selfish now.

“Alice.” Her hand was clasped into his large ones, and she eyed their intertwined hands before gently letting them fall. One look at him and she saw the heartbreak and sorrow in him. How torn he must be feeling right now, the dilemma he was in. “I’ve hurt you, Alice.” He finally murmured. “And it wasn’t even my intention.”

But how could she forget that for every little emotion she had, Jasper felt it tenfold more. So intense was his sense that if her heartbreak was already eating at him, it must have been excruciating when he had seen Adeline the night before.

“Perhaps I really shouldn’t..." Deliberating internally with his own doubts and concerns, Jasper struggled to find the right words to express himself. "She doesn’t want to see me... not anymore anyways. Why throw away everything we’ve built...”

Alice watched on as she was reminded of her times with Jasper then. The Quileute tribe may deem him dangerous for his skill and experience in the army, he might have had a hand in the Southern Vampire wars; but the Jasper she knew, the man she had loved was always a sweet and gentle man. Sentimental yes, empathetic even more so. All the years he had spent shielding her, simply being there for her. Alice knew that if she took away this chance from him, it would always be a regret on his part. And this wound would continue to fester like cancer, eat at him, until it ultimately killed him from the inside. Until there was nothing left but a shell of a man.

He deserved more than anyone, to love and be loved.

And if all he needed was a push, she would gladly give it to him.

“Go.” She beamed at him through her unshed tears. “Go find her and make it up to her.”

“I’m not even sure if there’s anything that needs my making up to her.” Jasper whispered in exasperation, but his caress betrayed a gentleness that was almost innate in him. She leaned into his palm one last time.

“Bring her back will you, I have a hunch we’ll be the best of friends.” She breathed. Watched as a new resolve hardened in his eyes.

“Yes ma’am” The same reply he had given when she first greeted him in that little diner in Philadelphia.

Her heart might break just a little bit more.

Jasper was driving his new car, not quite sure where his destination was yet. Simply letting the pull at his heart guide him.

Though to be honest, his mind wasn’t particularly on the scenery or the drive. He needed the time to think, to sort out the mess that was in his mind.

A soulmate bond.

When Carlisle had mentioned to him all those years ago; he had struggled not to be cynical about it. Because yes, it was rude; but also because he didn’t quite believe in all that bullshit after his time with Adeline and then his affair with Maria. Maria had simply manipulated and ensnared him into a web of lies and then proceeded to use him and mould and knead him into whatever she needed him to be then. There was no deeper emotion other than the feeling of being exploited by the woman.

But Adeline. Adeline, she had straight up ripped out a wide gapping hole in his heart. Do people ever get over a heartbreak like that? He had wondered.

It was really Alice who had calmed him down over the years, shed new light on his existence as a vampire, provided the companionship he so desperately needed. Helped him control the bloodlust.

If Adeline had never reappeared in his life, if she had never passed through Washington for whatever reasons, if she had not stopped to find Renesmee. Why, he thought, they might never chance to meet. He would continue his peaceful and contented life with the Cullens and Alice; and she would have continue on her merry way.

But nothing in life ever goes as planned.

The moment his eyes finally beheld her form again after centuries, he knew then. He knew then that she was the one he had been waiting for all along. Perhaps it was the way how the world seemed to have changed; how it brightened like never before. Or how alive he felt in that moment, how his dead heart almost, almost started beating again. Or how when she had left, the pain in his heart, how excruciating it had been, as if it were ready to tear itself apart. Maybe it was just the way that when she was around, every feeling that he had was intensified.

And when he felt that unknown tugging at his heart, it had all but cemented his belief.

But now that his sentiments were all but confirmed, there were other concerns that warranted his attention.

He thought back to the night they had met, rewinding and examining every little detail that he may have missed. Sure it was excruciating, but he needed more facts to pursue. He needed a plan of action to lure Adeline out of her shell, to make her at least talk to him. He didn’t think that a reconciliation was possible after her rejection, but surely some answers were long overdue.

He recalled how she had trembled at the mention of her father, how desperate she had wanted to escape from him.

Her grandmother Henriette had once told him that: there are things that are out of their control, things that are better left in the dark. Her father had needed her and what could a single unwed woman do but to comply to her parent’s wish. He had been young and rash then, had dismissed it all in a fit of fury and anguish, had chalked it up to his lack of wealth and class. But now that he thought of it, perhaps they were half truths mingled with white lies, told to protect him from a greater evil for his own sake. A tyrannical patriarch figure who was also probably a very ancient vampire.

He briefly considered just what he was getting himself into.

As he cut the line to leave the highway at the next exit, he felt another strong tug at his heart as if it were a signal that he was on the right track.

He had just passed a giant billboard that said.

Welcome to Colorado.

When Theodore, or simply Teddy, returned from his ‘dull and tedious tryst with his insipid chess-loving company’ as Loreen quoted, or as the man himself reiterated impatiently ‘a simple chess meeting in Denver’, he was met with a chaotic household gone rogue.

“Well aren’t you dapper, young man?” Adeline drawled from her couch she had claimed for herself, parked right in front of the TV. Sizing up the man, she took note of his wind swept black curls, the tweed blazer and the crisp silk shirt and the shiny black dress shoes. In turn, Teddy was also eyeing his sister intently.

“Is that my bathrobe?” The finely-dressed man asked incredulous, one hand on his hips, the other pointing accusingly at the former.

“What?!” Adeline defended, refusing to budge from her position. “You have grand taste. And it’s comfy.”

“And is that my Rockies t-shirt?”

“So it seems to be.” Adeline shrugged nonchalantly.

“Anakin! She’s even drinking my wine now! And she’s gone through my entire chocolate stash!”

“Oh go bother someone else won’t you!” Was Anakin’s annoyed reply.

But as Loreen had put it, Teddy was a good soul and all was forgiven soon enough with peace restored within the makeshift family.

Yet underneath the calm lurked a quiet unease.

The family was quick to notice, the listlessness and jitteriness Adeline was emanating. The more they tried to press her, the more withdrawn she grew, refusing to divulge in whatever she had hidden.

For Adeline, she had thought she was seeking safety and shelter among her half-siblings, but in confinement she was growing evermore restless. She stubbornly ignored the void in her heart, a strong reminder that an essential part of her was missing from her life. One she had all but forgotten until the fateful run in. Instead she paced the halls all through the nights, had taken to drinking coffee at night and wine in the morning. And when she rested, sleep was always fitful, plagued by strange dreams and nightmares and long-forgotten memories.

Her intuition was never wrong, it was the only gift she could fall back on in times of crises. And right now, she could taste it in the air, hear it in the wind. Something was about to happen, a reckoning of sorts she was sure, and here she was waiting for a sign.

Adeline downed another flask of coffee as she sat in the chill with a simple blanket to keep herself warm. The stars were out and she was studying them as they moved across the late evening sky.

She desperately needed a sign. This state of limbo was slowing driving her insane. She needed a way out, an escape.

“Hey.”

“Hey you.” She didn’t need to turn, she knew only one person who would be brave enough to disturb her in her reverie.

Teddy gently sat down beside her. “You’re not sleeping.”

“I can’t.” Adeline frowned and rubbed her face, exhaustion evident in her system.

“Well all that caffeine isn’t helping.” Her half brother smile and pointed at the flask in her lap.

“Well, I don’t want to sleep.” Adeline retorted with more bite than was needed.

“Adeline.” Theo admonished softly.

She shot him a warning look, though the corners of lips were slightly upturned good-naturedly. “Teddy.”

Teddy bless his soul, always the same kindhearted and gentle soul that he was. Loreen might call his person boring, but Adeline liked how he was always constant and steadfast… like an evergreen. There was a reason why he had always been her favourite out of all her siblings, not even her history with Anakin could beat this. For him, she would shield him from every hurt, every danger; and sometimes she wondered if she had done all that was good for him. If she had done right by him while raising him to be the man he was today.

“Well? What is it that you want to ask then?” Adeline rested her head on her knees and gestured for Teddy to voice his concerns.

He studied her intently for a second, as if finding the right word to begin with. “Something’s happened. Anakin tells me you were in a pretty bad state when you came but he wouldn’t divulge further said you didn’t tell him as well.”

“So I didn’t.”

“Well you can tell me. You know I’m your most trusted confidant.”

Adeline had to laugh at that. “Yes you are, my beloved brother.”

An easy silence enveloped the two as they sat shoulders touching, head tilted towards the open galaxy. This was the only thing she ever missed, in between running around the country, and hiding away from her father. This heartfelt connection with the only few people with whom she could be herself; a permanent residence, a pillow under her head at night. She had given up something similar, years ago when she was still young and naive, and very much in love, desperately so.

Now, she didn’t let herself dream on.

“Do you... do you remember New York?” Adeline dug her fingers into the wet earth, the dampness of the earth filling her nostrils immediately. “Do you remember Harlem, 1921?”

“That night when you drunk the entire club under the table?” Teddy turned to eye her carefully, even after all these years, he was still sensitive about that little fiasco she had pulled to spite their father, and probably to spite herself too. “Yeah I remember that night.”

Adeline kept her head down, her hand playing absentmindedly with the loose soil. “Do you remember when you asked me don’t you have any regrets in life?”

“And you had said yes, more than you will ever know.”

“Well…” There was a catch in her throat now and she swallowed hard to speak. “Do you have any regrets yourself Ted? Just something… anything.”

Teddy frowned as he contemplated the question Adeline had raised. But then she didn't think he had any; moralistic Teddy, gentle Teddy, worry-wart Teddy, he had too much foresight to let himself make grave mistakes like she did. “Nothing major really. Although… there is a place my mind always goes back to…”

“Which is?”

“The little diner in Philly, 1948.” The brunette hesitated, stealing a sidelong glance at his sister before continuing. “The one you were adamant we left immediately. I always thought that there was something… someone waiting for me there… and I always wonder what I would’ve find there if we had gone in.”

“Our ultimate demise probably.” Adeline shrugged.

“And why are we talking about regrets now?”

She hummed in response, turning to give her brother a tired smile. “Because, it seems my biggest regret has decided to return now to haunt me, out of vengeance.”

Jasper pulled into the local inn parking lot, killing the ignition as he did.

Georgetown Mountain Inn.

The modest sign glowed in the dark night.

He had circled round the interstate for a day and a half, and then into Denver city, letting his newfound instinct guide him on his search. And it had ultimately lead him to this quaint historical mining town just west of Denver.

He breathed in the fresh alpine air.

This felt just about right.

Or so he thought.

“Ruelle? Never heard the name young man if I might say so myself. You looking for someone?”

The innkeeper shook his head at his inquiries the next day. Georgetown was only a small town after all. If it’s residents had never heard of the name, then the chances of finding a Ruelle in the town was close to slim. Distracted, the man had then turned back to the phone call he was on, entirely unaware of the subtle shift in emotion of his customer.

“Marie. You got the van out? I phoned up the Emersons last night. Anakin says he’ll be round before 11 to take a look at it. Afterwards he’s got business with Ted down in Denver that’ll keep him there for a week. Ask Jim to hurry over will ya?”

The innkeeper was still on the phone when Jasper turned to leave.

“Who’s looking after Loreen? Heard they got family staying over for a while to look after the kiddo. Beats me Marie... I’m sure they’ve still got good folks in the family.”

Without a plan or even a clue, Jasper decided to cruise round town and then up the lake to take his mind off Adeline. Even if the disappointment was slowly eating at him; he had been so sure of himself, but now doubt was settling in. Perhaps he had been mistaken indeed, everything was only a figment of his imagination, wishful thinking on his part. But then again, no sane person on the run would think to use their real name, no? He reasoned with himself. He knew he wouldn’t, and he didn’t think Adeline was stupid enough to do the same. So not all hope was lost yet.

Up ahead, his line of sight fell on a quaint little house nestled within the mountainous terrain overlooking the lake.

Casually pulling into the drive; he was just able to catch a pair of brothers heading out. One was much tanner than the other and though neither looked quite related to the other, but there was a little something that made him believed that they were related. The elder was fixing up the jeep parked on the driveway while the younger one was lingering at the door, taking to someone inside the house.

He recalled the phone call his innkeeper had made that morning.

Jasper strained his ears to listen to their conversation while pretending to make a u-turn at the end of the drive.

“You sure you don’t want one of us to stay with you Ad?”

“I’ll be fine Teddy, just go. Don’t let your students down. They’ll be waiting for you.”

“Grandmaster.” A little girl, one he had missed before, chimed cheekily.

But the man, Teddy, was still unconvinced. “You still haven’t told me what’s troubling you Ad.”

“I’ll think about it.” The woman in the house replied.

“You’re still jittery.”

“It’s the caffeine.”

“Ad-”

“Bruh you coming or what?” The elder by the car shouted back towards the house.

“This isn’t over.” The younger man muttered before scrambling down the terrace towards the jeep.

There was a ringing in Jasper’s ears as he leaned forward in his seat to catch a glimpse of the woman who turned to usher the child back into the house before closing the front door.

And just as the door closed, he thought he glimpsed a pale face framed by brown curls and a pair of blue eyes.

#jasper hale #jasper hale x reader #jasper hale x oc #twilight #twilight imagine

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ryttu3k · 4 years ago

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thanky ou so so much for answering my ask! that makes actually sense. I really thought that Julain didn't give two flying crackers about you, but maybe he did; he just doesn't express it in a normal way. Although I still have somewhat my doubts. But at the end, you don't end up like Z, so that means something. And I sometimes wonder what Z's backstory is, too. It's also strange that Julian didn't seize the opportunity to groom Z as his new apprentice of sorts and not making the same "mistakes"

he made with you. I also realised that the player is technially Julian's only true ally/friend/focal point. He killed Jasper, an ally of his, he planned and sent the entire SI to Tuscon in order to take Lettow down and destabilize the Camarilla's hold there, even after he and Lettow somewhat became... luke warm friends in the end? But then again, he constantly risks the player's life, too, so there's that. And you know what the funniest thing is? Julian is a hypocrite through and through. From what I understood is that Julian looked up to Jasper in a sense. After all, they worked together and he does somewhat speak fondly of him in a way (just a tadbit though). He claims that he was so disgusted with Jasper's experiments that he had to kill him in the end, and he does seem sincere in that, but Julian does literally the same thing. He experiments on us, on other vamps like Z, and is even cool to work with Invidia Caul, who is also despised by other Kindred for her experiments. Is this cognitive dissonance or is he just lying through his teeth after all?

Oh, I forgot to mention that Julian seeking Invida's help is also weird because he knows that 1) Jasper financed he work (which shows that Invidia and Jasper have the same "moral" compass even for Kindred) and 2) she and Jasper were friends I believe. And I have no doubts that Julian knows this. Quite frankly, I believe he was disgusted by him in a sense, but at the end, he might not have liked competition or regarded him as possible future opposition and wanted to get rid of him quickly.

Yeah, it’s a complicated situation! Julian is definitely not a straightforward character - the read I get on him is that he’s trying too much, juggling too many balls, and thinks he’s better at it than he actually is. He also has a vested interest in being... well, better than others. No one is asking about 2100 and beyond, but he is. No one is as smart as he is. No one knows as much of what’s going on as he does. No one can play games with the SI like he does. Goddammit now I have Gaston stuck in my head. Here’s a bit from the Scheffler chapter:

You pull into the storage facility and do what you're told. The new phone is another disposable burner. Julian, you realize, isn't hiding from the Second Inquisition. He's using what they think they know to move them around the board, in a game you don't fully understand.

So his work with Jasper, that’s an interesting one because consider what Jasper is doing. He’s trying to push the limits of the vampire mind. He’s able to bring Lampago up to a point where she’s much more intelligent and aware, less bestial. He’s not able to succeed with Modian, but he was trying something similar there - break him down to the status of wight, then try to restore him.

Now, consider Julian’s aims with the 2100 formula. It’s meant to push the limits of the vampire mind and body. He and Jasper are actually extremely similar in what they’re working on, and I do wonder if this gave Julian a bit of disquiet when he realises how messed up the experimentation with Modian was.

Julian is a Banu Haqim. When he explains to the Courier why he killed Jasper, he addresses this directly:

Julian leans against his Fisker, then says, "You should know the truth. I killed that Usurper."

"For his crimes?" The Tremere are given relatively free reign, but torturing Nosferatu until they turn into wights is definitely outside whatever laws bind them to the Camarilla.

"Well, you and I have a complicated relationship to 'crimes,' don't we, Pyre? But yes, I suppose so. I may not be much of a vampire, but I'm still a Child of Haqim, and our work is to judge the unrighteous."

There's that wild gleam in Julian's eyes again. Some nights it seems like Julian Sim couldn't be a worse representative of his religion, or of the larger cultural complex that surrounds and sustains Clan Banu Haqim. And some nights your sire looks like the Angel of Death.

So he’s still very much from the Clan of Judges. Let’s say he’s starting to feel guilty - he’s a Judge, and here he’s judging himself. By taking out that guilt on Jasper, he can tell himself, “Well, what I’m doing isn’t so bad after all. And see, I’m still judging the unrighteous - I killed Jasper for his crimes. If I can feel compelled to stop Jasper, then surely what I’m doing can’t be that bad?”

I think you’re right in calling it cognitive dissonance. He can’t feel bad about what he’s doing, it’s for the future, and look! He punished Jasper, right? His moral compass is still correct, right? Sure, he experimented on the Courier and on Z, but at least they’re not wights, right?

If he judges Jasper, he clears his own conscience.

(As for Invidia, I actually don’t think her experiments were nearly as bad. She was working on making clones and experimenting on sheep to find a stable, reproduceable, ethical source of blood. The clones were only of questionable intelligence in the first place (they don’t seem to... react to much, seem pretty mindless) and, well, I personally don’t like animal experimentation but then I am vegan, so XD;; She was kind of a horrible person, mostly in her violence in lashing out against others and in blood binding Giselle, but the experiments itself were definitely a lesser evil than ‘torturing people until they turn into wights’.)

#vampire the masquerade #vtm night road #vtmnr #vtmnr spoilers #julian sim #baron of 2100 #banu haqim

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offtopicoverload · 4 years ago

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🖊🖊🖊🖊, for any one of them you want to do or maybe multiple. idk i just wanna know more about your ocs and wanna see you talk about them so hfdghja 💕

im gonna go in on zeke, lilac, and daisy cuz i feel like it lmao

ZEKE

Zeke’s whole vibe is just… vibe

Like he’s so low-key and chill about everything, it doesn’t matter if you shot him in the leg, he’d just be like “yeah, whatever, it happens. no hard feelings, man” and I love that lmao

He’s also really tall and kinda bulky, he’s a bouncer at a club sooo

He’s gotta be like 6’3” or something, the tallest in the band

But he doesn’t even appear tall tbh, he has such calm energy that you would never associate him with being intimidating and unless you really know him, you’d never guess that he’s capable of beating your ass

And that’s never what he’s going for, even when dealing with drunk pricks, he’ll just lead them out or tell them to go get wasted somewhere else

I’ve also decided that Ciaran’s another bouncer and they’re best buddies, especially cuz Zeke trained him

Like sweet little Ciaran with Zeke just towering over him?? Telling him he’s doing great??? And offering to buy him drinks after every shift??? I love that

And Zeke’s pretty funny in a deadpan way, so I feel like he could make Ciaran laugh and just- yes

And Ciaran introducing Tai as his boyfriend???? The three of them??? And Zeke being shorter than someone for once??? immaculate, *Chefs kiss*, impeccable, best thing I’ve ever thought of

He’s for sure the one that fades into the background (even tho he’s huge) but that’s okay, he’s just here to have a good time and get a little high

LILAC

Okay, Lilac straight up suuuuucks, especially pre-Love Island

Like I love her growth, but she starts out super self-centered, self-absorbed, apathetic, the whole shebang

She’s an athlete and a damn good one, so she literally grew up on praise and being told she’s amazing and can do anything

Then she started getting paid to be praised and travel and mess around, and it kinda grew

She didn’t have like a legit home for years, she didn’t like sitting still when there was enough adventure out there, so she never had any roots or relationships, no motivation to try and be better

So she went on Love Island expecting more of the same, to have some fun, get drunk, hoe it up a bit, which fuck yeah, you go girl, but that was decidedly not her experience

There was all the canon drama in the beginning, and the guys low-key irritated her with trying to be all moral or whatever asdjhfsk

And then out of fucking NOWHERE, there’s Talia flirting and shit

And Lilac’s very on board with flirting, but then it like… starts making her feel and she doesn’t like this sort of feeling

I wanna say the progression of them was cheeky flirting at first, sleeping together on the terrace when Cherry and Rohan came in, both of them kinda freaking out and keeping their distance for a few days

Idk when, but a little before Cherrygate I feel like they had a talk about like what the fuck was going on with them, and it was basically summed up as it’d be cool if they hung out some more akdfj

Idk man I don’t remember the timeline

But they were definitely more open with each other from then on out, and (assuming s1 has days not covered) a few days later when Cherrygate hit, Talia was her ride or die

Talia had her back during all that mess and Lilac was not expecting anyone to care, she did a pretty good job of pissing off most of the Villa earlier in the summer, and that made her feel obligated to do the same for Tals

Things happened, they were both done with the having fun approach, and coupled up somewhat impulsively

Post-Villa, Lilac definitely tries to be more understanding, but sometimes she sucks at it enter the forever breakup lol

Overall, Lilac’s female Jasper off-Talia’s route, but with a better arc and I said what I said

DAISY

So I adore Daisy, she was the first MC I wrote for and sparked the whole plant name thing, so love her for that

One of my favourite traits I made up for her is that she has the best poker face you’ll ever see, just no emotion ever

Which makes it even better that she’s with Leggy, who can’t hide her emotions in the slightest

It pisses Allegra off sometimes the way Daisy can just turn on that blank expression when she doesn’t feel like letting people in or dealing with things, the way its just a switch and basically her default, which leads to ~fights~

But it’s okay, cuz they’re both learning to meet each other in the middle and awwww

But I also love how much you can tell when she’s willing to open up based on her face. Like smiles and laughter are the best thing you can get from her and I just love that sort of thing akjdfhsl

And weirdly enough, she’s an artist and makes her living off being expressive as fuck ajsdf

And she’s a really good artists!!! She went to school for it and everything, and can work in so many mediums, but prefers sculpture and paint, I just can’t get the idea of her in a paint covered T-shirt working out of my mind lmao

#thank youuuu ilyyyyy #asks #best aries #oc weekend #zeke cly #lilac delisle #daisy kwak

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honey-girlie · 4 years ago

Text

every kind of way epilogue

chapter: 4/4

word count: ~6k (lol it’s longer than all of the other chapters)

a/n: i wasn’t planning on writing an epilogue, but someone on reddit was interested in reading about Jake and MC winning the finale. so this final (for real final) chapter is dedicated to that person!

thanks so much for reading/liking/reblogging/writing super nice tags, as always!!! you are all so sweet! 💛💛💛

[link to chapter 1] [link to chapter 2] [link to chapter 3]

[link to ao3]

x x x

Eris blinked, staring dumbly at Jen. She must have heard her wrong when the latter announced who won.

She must have, because the very idea of her and Jake wasting the whole summer then coupling up two days before the Love Island final but still coming out as the winners was...

It was absurd, to say the least.

But when Jen and Tim beamed at her and Jake, rushing towards them with open arms, Eris forced herself to face the very absurd reality she was living.

They had won. Somehow.

She burst out a disbelieving laugh as Jen hugged her tightly. Beside her, Jake was wrapped up in his own hug with Tim and looking just as stupefied. When he turned to her, he joined in on the laughter.

“You guys, you did it!” Jen squealed as she pulled away. Her eyes were full of unshed tears, but the excitement for Eris and Jake was evident. “I’m so happy for you!”

“I —” Eris stammered, her brain still trying to catch up. “I’m —”

Jake jumped in and thanked her, saving Eris from embarrassment with his usual eloquence. Tim and Jen quickly congratulated them for a job well done before they were called over by the producers, then they hurried away from the fire pit and left Eris and Jake alone.

She faintly shook her head and glanced over at Jake, whose eyes were bright with elation.

“How in the hell—?”

He grinned from ear to ear. “I have absolutely no idea.”

Eris laughed again as she flung herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck in a near death grip. He embraced her with just as much fervor before bending down and melding their lips together. It was the clumsiest kiss they’ve ever shared from the way they were smiling like idiots.

Love Island 2018 Winners. It was the last thing she expected, although maybe after all they’ve been through, it was the universe’s way of apologizing. She’d gladly accept, particularly if that apology included £50,000 in her pocket.

The next few minutes passed in a blur as she and Jake were thrust about by the crew, making sure their hair was perfect and makeup wasn’t smudged before walking out of the villa. Once their appearances were green-lighted, they stood hand-in-hand behind the doors and awaited their announcement.

Eris had just enough time to glance up at Jake and give him a wide smile. Her incredulity had waned, and all that was left was euphoria.

Despite her apathy towards the public’s opinion over her and Jake, she couldn’t be more flattered that they were chosen as the best couple. Perhaps they loved the story. The way she and Jake had gotten together could have been scripted, for Christ’s sake. It was that dramatic, though the payoff had been more than worth it.

He returned her smile and began to lean in for a kiss, but the doors suddenly flew open and blinding lights assaulted her vision. Eris hissed a colorful curse, distantly hearing Jake laugh beside her before it was drowned out by a roaring audience. Jake squeezed her hand and tugged her along onto the stage, and in a flash, her annoyance evaporated. She forgot to be anything but thrilled, especially when she spotted her family and best friends in the enormous crowd.

Everyone quieted at the voice booming over the loudspeaker.

“Ladies and gentlemen, here are your winners of Love Island 2018 — Eris and Jake!”

Even if the applause nearly shattered her eardrums, Eris grinned through it all, waving at the mass of people along with Jake. His firm grip on her hand was grounding in the midst of all the craziness.

An image then appeared on the giant screen above the villa doors behind them. Eris and Jake twisted around and tilted their heads up. She stifled a groan at the words that came out of the speakers.

“Eris, welcome to your Love Island Journey.”

“Oh god,” she muttered. She did not need a recap of her repeated failures in the villa, thank you very much.

Of course, Jake heard her. He shot her an amused look and leaned his head in.

“Come on, it won’t be that bad,” he said in a low voice.

“Well, it’s not your wonderful little journey we’re watching, is it?”

He shook with silent laughter. Before the video played on screen, he said, “I’ll find you a glass of wine the moment this is over.”

The clips started from the very first day when Eris had picked Jasper. She winced as she watched herself argue with him by the loungers, the daybeds, the fire pit. It was painful remembering how horrid the two of them had been as a couple.

“It wasn’t long before things came to an end,” the voice-over said.

Eris scoffed. “Things hadn’t even started with him.”

“He was such a massive prat to you,” Jake commented with a frown. She and Jake hadn’t spoken much on the first day in the villa. It was only in the days following that he had learned enough from her about how awful it had been with Jasper. “It’s still so weird to me that you were ever partnered up with him.”

“It barely lasted, but trust me, it’s weird for me too.” Eris glanced over at the other Islanders and unsuccessfully tried to spot the man in question. “He’s much better suited for Allegra anyway.”

The video continued, showing her talking with Mason and Levi. They were all smiles and laughs and not-so-subtle muscle flexes as they approached her, whether or not she was alone. She couldn’t deny she enjoyed the way they fought for her attention, even if things remained friendly on her end.

While her primary interest had always been in Jake, Eris still hadn’t discouraged either man at the time. But she didn’t regret her choice. It was important for her to play the game in those early stages. As the clips went on, she was just a bit surprised at exactly how much flirting Mason and Levi had done. It didn’t seem so excessive back then.

“Wow, you were cracking on with everyone, huh?” Jake said. Rather than sounding accusatory, however, his voice was thoughtful.

Eris shifted in place as she watched Levi sidle up beside her on the daybeds. “Can’t blame me for making do with what I had.”

“No, of course I don’t. Everyone did the same.” He huffed a small laugh. “Well, everyone except me. I just didn’t have the confidence. Otherwise, I’d be cracking on with you right beside them.”

She smiled. If only. When Jake really tried, he could make her blush and stammer like no one else.

More drama played out on screen, showing her argument with Allegra and Jen in the bathroom and the fight over Mason by the fire pit. She recalled the severe annoyance she felt at Allegra’s constant attacks. It wasn’t Eris’ job to coddle the girl, despite whatever lasting insecurities she had from her previous relationships.

Nonetheless, Eris encouraged Allegra and Mason to keep trying. They only stayed together for another twenty-four hours, to no one’s surprise.

“You liked Mason, didn’t you?” Jake asked. Her friendship with Jake had been budding at the time, and she remembered ranting extensively about the whole Mason situation to him. “At least a little bit. Why did you keep them together?”

Eris raised a brow and looked at him. “Because I wanted you more.”

He turned to her, his mouth parted, and then he grinned as his cheeks went red.

“I love hearing you say that.”

They both looked back at the screen. The audience laughed at the Art and Graft challenge when the Islander’s artworks were shown. Although Eris wished she had a hand in the actual piece, she enjoyed seeing what Jasper had come up with. Even better, Jake’s strange paintbrush-human with tiny feet was still one of the funniest things she had seen in the villa.

Beside her, he merely smiled and shrugged. Eris laughed to herself, vowing to give him some painting lessons when they got home.

The next recoupling played, and Rohan and Cherry sauntered into the villa. Eris remembered tensing up at the arrival of a new girl. She hated feeling threatened by other women, but it was inevitable on a dating show, especially when said woman was gorgeous. Luckily, Cherry ended up coupling with Mason.

Jake squeezed Eris’ hand while they watched her past self choose him. Despite having grown much closer to him then, she still hadn’t been able to gauge whether or not he actually fancied her. They didn’t talk about the decisions they were going to make that night for the recoupling either, so it had been a gambit picking him.

Then she had noticed the unmistakable glee in his expression when she called his name, and her fears had vanished.

“I was so worried Cherry was going to pick you first,” Eris said. “I thought I was going to go mad.”

Jake nodded. “I was worried too. I wasn’t sure where we stood or if you picked me just as friends or because you knew Erikah wanted Rohan.” She looked over and saw his lips twist into a frown. “That could have been it for us. We could have stayed coupled up since that night, but I was so scared to really make a move. Above everything, I wanted to keep our friendship.”

Eris sighed, her brows knitted together.

She still couldn’t believe how much they skirted around each other despite being close mates and a couple. Countless times she questioned herself why she hadn’t just talked to him like she normally did, why she suddenly lacked the courage to be honest. Maybe it was both the villa and Jake himself that messed with her head.

The screen displayed videos of the short amount of time they coupled up. Aside from the fact the two of them flirted a little more, they acted no different from when they were mates. She never went beyond a hug or a hand on his arm, and he did the same.

Eris cursed herself for it. What if the reason he hadn’t made a move was because he simply mirrored her behavior? What if she had acted differently? What if she had tried kissing him?

And when clips of Levi spending more time with her appeared in the video, chief among her many conjectures was what if Levi hadn’t grafted on her?

Eris stared as he joined her by the pool on the day she’d won a date from the Pied Off challenge. Right out of the gate, he started flirting hard. His smiles were coy, his body language confident. It was slightly embarrassing to admit that even if she fancied Jake the most, Levi’s lines still worked on her. His charm was undeniable, and he knew all the right ways to make a lady swoon.

Up until then, Eris had kept things strictly platonic because of how strong her relationship with Jake had become. Then when Levi started grafting, Jake grew distant. Present, but distant, both as a friend and a partner. She was flooded with doubt and battled with herself on whether or not he actually had feelings for her.

That was why she let Levi get so near her by the pool and why she hadn’t rejected his advances. She’d been so dumb, just because she felt humiliated.

More of her and Levi played, then her heart broke when it cut to a shot of Jake watching them from the kitchen, the troubled wrinkle on his forehead ever prominent. He glanced down and fiddled with his water bottle on the counter before raising his eyes again and keeping them locked on her.

Her hand in his tightened. “Is that when you decided —?”

Jake sighed. “Yeah. Seeing him hang around you so much... I really believed I ruined everything.”

“Jake,” Eris whispered. “I’m sorry.”

He let go of her hand only to wrap his arm around her shoulders, and she looked up at him as he smiled. “I feel like we’ve been over this,” he said wryly.

She released a huff of a laugh. “I know. It’s just different seeing it from your view.” She paused and said bluntly, “I kind of hate watching this.”

Jake chuckled as he rubbed her arm. “Same. But the best parts are coming up soon.”

Her journey continued, cutting to her date with Levi. Jake’s body went rigid beside her when Eris and Levi kissed, and she grimaced, willing the scene to be over as fast as possible.

“For the record,” she said, “you’re a much better kisser than he is.”

As if realizing how tense he’d become, Jake instantly relaxed. His tone was sheepish when he spoke.

“I won’t even lie. That does make me feel better.”

“Am I a better kisser than Cherry?”

He raised an eyebrow at her, looking highly amused. “Are you really fishing right now?”

Eris just shrugged. She spent an inordinate amount of time worrying that Jake and Cherry were actually going to go all the way as a couple. This one small validation was well-deserved, in her opinion. Petty, but deserved.

“Cherry and I never kissed.”

She widened her eyes. “What?”

“Not on the lips anyway. She would try, but I just couldn’t...” Jake trailed off as he smiled softly. “She wasn’t you.”

Her heart leapt. Flooded with warmth, Eris smiled back and looped her arm around his waist. She stood on her tiptoes, pressed a gentle kiss on his neck, and returned her gaze to the screen. Something else fluttered inside her too, but she ignored it.

At the next recoupling, Eris chose Levi and Jake was with Jen. The whole crowd began to murmur, knowing what came next that night.

With thinned lips, Eris watched herself react to Levi and Cherry’s kiss. Her expression was a mixture of incredulity and shock as she stood gobsmacked at the terrace doors. Tim hurried in beside her, instantly followed by Jake.

Eris had been too focused on the scene in front of her at the time that she never noticed the fury on Jake’s face and the menacing step he took towards Levi. Recalling his haste to defend her, chastise Levi, and lead her away from the terrace... It all made her throat tighten in emotion.

She swallowed thickly before speaking. “I’ve never seen you look that mad before.”

Jake was silent for a second before he sighed. “I don’t think I’ve ever been that mad before. I hated watching you go through that. I’m still a little angry with Levi for what he did.”

She rubbed his back soothingly, for both of their sakes. The way he had always supported her almost brought tears to her eyes, and she did her best to keep them at bay. That fluttering inside her intensified. Still, she couldn’t put a finger on it.

“It’s in the past. I’ve moved on from it. Best you do too.”

The clips went on to show Reese entering the villa and the recoupling afterward. Eris knew she had probably been ripped to shreds on social media for staying with Levi, and yet she had done it anyway.

It wasn’t an easy choice. The day after Cherrygate, he had groveled and turned on his charm more than ever, pleading his case that it was a spur of the moment thing.

I don’t know how, it just happened, he had insisted with apologetic eyes. Erikah got in my head, and I’d been overthinking things. But I swear, it didn’t mean anything.

The authenticity in his voice and expression caught her off-guard. Eris remained stoic towards him for a bit, but his obvious regret started to wear her down. For the first time, she didn’t go to Jake for advice, too afraid of what his answer might be. Would he have convinced her to make things work with Levi?

She didn’t have the backbone to be rejected by him a second time. So alternatively, she had sought out Talia.

Talia neither encouraged nor dissuaded her to stay with Levi, and instead she offered what she knew. He seemed genuinely remorseful for what he did, and he’d been brooding even more than usual on the terrace. She also mentioned how clear it was to the other Islanders how much he’s fancied Eris since the beginning. In the end, Talia smoothed her hair in a comforting gesture and suggested she take more time to think it over.

The video played Eris uttering Levi’s name at the recoupling. Her eyes flew to Jake’s reaction. His face remained as unreadable as it was that same night.

“What were you thinking then?” she asked him now. “Were you expecting it?”

Jake shrugged. It was the slightest bit stiff. “A little. I knew you weren’t going to pick Mason, for sure.” He paused. “But I’m still not totally clear on why you stayed with him. We never did talk about it.”

Eris chewed on the inside of her cheek. She’d actually considered Mason several times, but her tiny crush on him never stacked up to the potential she had with Levi. Aside from Jake, he was the only one she truly saw herself having a shot at a future with. But just barely. It was enough to pick him again for the recoupling.

“If it wasn’t going to be you, I thought I could make it work with him,” she said. “We got on well enough, and I know he regretted the kiss.”

“And after?”

Her lips curled into a small scowl. “He lost my trust after Cherrygate, and from then on, he started losing my interest. He was such an arsehole for expecting me to blindly fall back into his arms after what he did. Just because I stayed with him didn’t mean I was set on him.”

On cue, Eris observed the many clips that visibly showed her feelings for Levi fade. She’d long stopped cuddling with him in bed, and she subtly shirked away from his touch. After the disastrous Lie Detector challenge and that night’s recoupling, it was painfully clear that her smiles towards him were becoming forced too.

Instead, more of Eris and Jake rolled on the screen. Shots of them talking in both quiet and carefree tones or laughing with one another played in succession, as though they were spending every waking moment together.

A particular clip played of them hanging out on the bean bags, Jake making conversation as he mindlessly looked out at the Spanish hills. But Eris was staring right at him, a small smile on her face while she hung on to his every word.

The video transitioned again, showing them in the kitchen. It was her talking this time while she made a messy sandwich for herself and probably complained about the lack of crisps in the villa. Jake had been leaning on the counter next to her, his gaze flitting to her lips every few seconds.

Eris was floored. God, they had been so blind. How had neither of them caught each other’s stares or smiles? How had they missed the fact that they always subconsciously sat next to each other for meals, or the way they knew exactly how the other took their tea?

Their inside jokes, their shared looks of exasperation, their thoughtless touching. The way Eris would straighten out his tie before recouplings, the way Jake would adjust the clasp of her necklace back to the nape of her neck. Their small interactions were constant, each of them a blow to her chest.

She wanted to scoff. They looked bloody ridiculous dancing around each other. They looked...

Eris paused. She blinked at the screen.

Oh.

They looked like they were in love.

She felt the air leave her lungs as the fluttering in her abdomen consumed her whole.

Oh.

Well. At least she knew it wasn’t indigestion she was feeling. It still made her want to lay down.

Watching her journey through these clips didn’t show her anything new. It just opened her eyes to something she’s unknowingly come to familiarize herself with. That relentless fluttering — the warm, tingling sensation she always felt whenever she was around Jake. She knew it well. She’s just never been able to place a name to it until now.

Love.

She loved him. She loved Jake.

The revelation made her dizzy. She would have swayed if not for Jake’s arm around her shoulders.

“Oh my god,” Eris exhaled to herself.

Jake groaned under his breath, unaware of the earth-shattering epiphany she’d just experienced. He commented on their obliviousness all the same.

“I know. It’s almost embarrassing seeing us now. Like, yeah, I would look at you a lot. I just didn’t know I...” He rubbed the back of his neck and grimaced. “I didn’t know how much I did it. I didn’t know how much you did it either. But I probably would have dismissed it as something else anyway.”

Eris didn’t respond, her heart pounding fiercely inside her rib cage. Did he realize it too? Did he notice the language they’d unwittingly developed with one another, each gesture an unspoken but glaring truth?

It was right there. All this time, it was right in front of her, dangling in her face. Since the first day, they’d been leading up to it. She could see it now.

She loved him.

Did he love her too?

Mind reeling, Eris stared blankly as the video went on, displaying another recoupling and Lucy’s arrival in the villa.

Was it too soon for her? They had only gotten together three days ago, and every day since, they had already taken huge steps towards a serious relationship. But was she ready to admit that she was in love?

As soon as the question crossed her mind, she knew the answer.

Of course she was. The amount of time didn’t matter. Eris was confident in her feelings for him. They were stronger than they’ve ever been than with anyone else, and there was no doubt in her mind that they were only going to strengthen even further.

Plain and simple, he was it for her. No matter what her future looked like, she knew she wanted him by her side. No matter if he didn’t love her now, she knew they’d both get there.

Eris waited all summer for him. She was willing to wait even longer, as long as it took to hear those same words come out of his mouth.

Her cheeks hurt. It registered for her a moment later that it was because she was grinning wide enough to split her face in two.

Jake noticed her expression when he glanced at her, but he chalked it up to the video still playing on screen. It was displaying the scene on the terrace when they admitted their feelings for one another. The crowd whooped at the kiss they shared. Although for the sake of national television, the producers edited it to keep it tame.

Jake leaned down to whisper in her ear, his lips brushing against her skin. A delightful shiver ran through her spine.

“You made me the happiest bloke in the world that day. Seriously, I thought I was going to pass out. I’ve never been so terrified in my life.”

Eris gave a small laugh, barely an exhalation of air. She couldn’t seem to catch her breath. She loved him so much.

“You look great, though. Terrified, yes, but great. Only you could pull that off.”

“Well, I suppose they call me Sweetcheeks for a reason, yeah?”

“Careful there,” she murmured. “You’re liable to let all your little fans inflate that ego of yours.”

He snickered. “You sound jealous.” Gaping, Eris snapped her head towards him, but he cut her off. “You have no reason to be, Eris. Besides, you’re the only one who knows exactly how sweet my cheeks —”

“Jake, oh my god,” she choked out as her face flamed. Even if the audience couldn’t hear them, they were still mic’d up.

His laugh was pure sunshine. It spread throughout her body and lingered on her temple when he kissed her there.

“I absolutely adore you,” he sighed.

Eris bit her lip. The words were on the tip of her tongue, but she wanted to wait. He deserved more than a rushed confession in the middle of a massive crowd.

The final recoupling played. Jake looked more excited than he’s ever been the entire summer standing by the fire pit and calling her name. That same enthusiasm lasted for the rest of the show. It was evident in the following clips of them making their relationship official, their date by the beach, their last moment on the terrace. She looked just as ecstatic as him. She looked like a different person altogether.

Because you’re in love, the voice in her head reminded her. That fluttering refused to cease.

The screen finally went blank, and the crowd burst into raucous applause. Jake rubbed her arm.

“That wasn’t so bad, was it?” he asked.

Eris laughed wryly. If not for that recap, she wouldn’t have had the staggering realization that she was so ridiculously in love, it rendered her breathless.

“Not at all,” she said. “I’d still love a glass of wine, though.”

He smiled. “Whatever the lady wants.”

A vibration in his pocket made him glance down. He took out his phone and raised his eyebrows at her at the text he received. It showed up on the screen above them too, for the audience to follow along.

Congratulations, Jake and Eris. The public voted for you as their favorite couple. You are the winners of Love Island 2018, and you now have a chance to receive the £50,000 prize!

#cantbuymelove #thefinalchoice

Eris felt her own phone vibrate in her hand, and she held it up for Jake to read.

However, it’s not quite that simple. You’ve spent the whole summer together. Your relationship has been tested every day, and today is no different.

In front of you are two envelopes. One of these envelopes contains the £50,000 prize money, and the other contains nothing.

Eris and Jake raised their heads and noticed the stand at the front of the stage. On either side were two large, golden envelopes.

In a moment, you will both take one envelope. The person who gets the winning envelope will have a BIG decision to make.

They must choose whether they want to share the money with their partner, or keep all of it for themselves. If you decide to keep it, you will go home with the full £50,000 prize, and your partner will go home with nothing. If you share it, you will both go home with £25,000.

It’s time to make your choice. Has this summer been about love or money?

Eris held back an eye roll. It was comical how easy of a decision this was. It was barely a decision at all.

Jake seemed to think similarly. His lips lifted into a smile as he turned to her.

“Choose carefully, now,” he said. “I’ll even let you pick first.”

The audience was quiet as she extracted herself from his grip and walked up to the stand. Flippantly, she took the envelope closest to her, then Jake strolled up beside her and took the other one. He peered at it, and at the last second, he snatched the envelope out of her hands and replaced it with his.

He grinned when Eris hit his arm with it.

“I can’t say I don’t want to have the pleasure of seeing that money in my hands,” he said, shrugging.

She scoffed and gestured at him. “Please, by all means. I’ll happily watch you come out empty-handed.”

Jake opened the envelope. He barked out a laugh and showed her the card.

Empty.

Triumphantly, she ripped her own envelope open. She was greeted by the lovely sight of glittery pink letters that read £50,000.

Eris stuck her tongue out at him. “That’s what you get for stealing from a girl.”

“I suppose I should have known better,” he conceded, his eyes twinkling. “So what’s it going to be, Eris?”

She took a deep breath and smiled sweetly at him. “I’m going to take the money.”

The crowd gasped, but Jake’s grin was crooked as he shook his head. The fact that he trusted her so much that he refused to even consider her bluff made her stomach riot.

I love you, she thought wildly as she met his bright eyes. I love you, I love you, I love you —

“You’re going to be the death of me, aren’t you?” he sighed fondly.

Eris laughed and threw the card down before launching herself at him. His arms wrapped tight around her as he picked her up, laughing alongside her.

“Of course I’m splitting the money with you!” she exclaimed.

The audience’s cheers were deafening, but Eris could only hear the sound of Jake murmuring in her ear.

“I can’t believe we won!” he said. “I can’t believe how much the public liked us. I can’t believe I switched envelopes.”

Eris chuckled as he set her down and cupped her face. She almost died at the tenderness in his expression.

“And I can’t believe I get to spend every day doing this to you,” he sighed before leaning in.

His lips were soft against hers. He kissed her languidly, as though they weren’t snogging in front of their friends and families or a crowd of millions; as though he had all the time in the world with nothing else to do but to stay locked in place with her, just like that.

The voice over the loudspeakers congratulating them tore her and Jake apart, then they turned to wave and grin at the crowd’s applause. Eris could just make out the other Islanders off to the side, who were either clapping politely or cheering just as loudly as the rest of the audience.

She scanned the sea of bodies to find her family and friends, then Jake tugging her in the opposite direction diverted her attention. His face was the very definition of joyful.

“Come and meet my mum!” he said. “She’s going to love you.”

Dazedly, Eris let him take her hand and guide her off stage, but before they got too far, she pulled him to a stop. Jake turned around and knitted his eyebrows together a little.

She wanted to wait until they were alone. She really did. She thought she had the willpower to hold off until she found the perfect moment together.

But she loved him with a fierceness that she was quickly learning was not something she could hide. It was vivid and relentless and it wanted to burst from every fiber of her being.

Her willpower was always shot to hell whenever Jake was concerned anyway. This was no different.

So it was without consent that the words tumbled out of her, unable to be tamed.

Eris looked up at him and took in the affection in his gaze. He squeezed her hand, and that did it for her.

She breathed, “I love you.”

Jake stilled. His widened eyes met hers.

A moment later, they were filled with unshed tears. His hands very slowly raised to cup her face. They shook like she was the most precious thing he’d ever held. She couldn’t help her own eyes from welling up too.

Jake’s voice was hoarse when he spoke. “Again,” he whispered. “Say it again.”

Her smile was tremulous. “Jake, I love you—”

He was on her the millisecond she finished getting the words out, capturing her bottom lip in a desperate kiss. Caught off-guard, Eris gasped, and he grabbed the opportunity to stroke his tongue with hers. Her head was swimming when he pulled back just a touch, brushing their lips together.

“I love you too,” he choked out. “I love you so much. I’m crazy about you, Eris.”

She could have crumpled at his feet. Eris knew she’d be overwhelmed when she heard him say those words back. What she didn’t expect was for it to send her to the verge of delirium. That telltale fluttering swallowed her whole as she let out a noise that was half a sob, the other half a strangled laugh.

“This is absolutely mental,” she said, thinking of how they only met each other mere weeks ago. “Are we mental?”

“I don’t know. Maybe.”

The tears fell from his eyes, and without thought, she wiped them away from his cheeks. Jake smiled as he cupped her face firmer.

“But I don’t care,” he breathed. “I don’t care about anything but loving you and being loved by you.”

She cried harder. His ability to reduce her to a blubbering mess with words alone was the last thing she needed right now with a million cameras potentially filming their every move.

“Stop,” she pleaded. “Please. You’re going to ruin my makeup at this rate.”

Jake chuckled and gently kissed her forehead. Screw the prize money. She didn’t want to do much else other than to drag him to the closest bedroom and have her way with him.

Eris and Jake pulled apart when a few members of the crew hurried over with tissues and more makeup to retouch their faces. Once they were ready again, he wasted no time gathering her in a tender embrace and sighing into her hair. She closed her eyes in bliss, savoring another few moments with him.

“I suppose it was only fitting that we end our journey in the villa with you being the one to shock me with a confession this time,” he said.

Eris smirked. “You’ve caused me too many near heart attacks. I was left with no choice but to return the favor.”

“Ah. Your retribution, then, is it?”

“Yes. Ruthless, remember? Don’t think you’ve seen the last of my wrath, either.”

“You’re so weird, love,” he chuckled.

Her heart clenched at the endearment. She made it a personal goal right then to get him to call her that as often as possible.

“Gotta keep you on your toes,” Eris breathed. “You’ll never know with me.”

She felt him smile and hug her tighter.

“Yeah, my mum’s going to love you.”

Eris spent all summer trying to stuff down her feelings for Jake, but it was a fruitless endeavor. She was tired of shying away. So at every opportunity throughout the night, Eris would whisper those three words to him, without reservation or fear. To anyone else, they probably were sickeningly over the top and mushy. She didn’t care. It was worth it to see Jake give her that intense look of utter devotion, a look that told her he’d do anything she wanted if she asked him of it.

She said it when she met his mum and older sister, and when he met her own parents. She said it during the party, after their interviews, on the ride to their hotel.

She gasped it as he stripped her of her clothes. She moaned it as he rocked into her. She whispered it as they lay in each other’s arms in a sweaty mess of limbs.

“I love you too,” Jake sighed into her neck, and a smile spread across her lips.

There were few certainties she could count on in her life, but something in her knew without a doubt that Jake was always going to be one of them. And as he held her in his strong arms, she vowed to be the same for him.

Jake took notice of her wistful expression and caressed her hip. “Everything alright?”

Smiling wider, Eris nodded as she burrowed deeper into his warmth, drowning in the fluttering that overtook her.

Everything was perfect.

#love island the game #litg #litg jake #jake wilson #jake x mc #honeyfics

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legendofzeldaalinktothepast · 4 years ago

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Pathetic, Clinging Poetry - Chapter 1 (of 25)

After escaping from the control of her mother, Pearl struggles to adjust to her new life. Her main source of comfort is an old composition notebook of poetry about her ex-girlfriend, and the possibility that she can find her again.

Human AU.

Trigger warning for implied abuse.

Next Chapter

When you embraced me, I felt like my feet could sink into the earth, And I was a flower who'd just sprouted. Yet I'd never been more free.

Anxiety bubbled up in Pearl's chest as she glanced over to the backpack sitting in the corner of her room. She let out a sigh; she still couldn’t believe what she was about to do. Her heart ached for Peony, who she'd tried to convince to come along; but her sister insisted she couldn't bring herself to leave their mother all alone. Every now and then Pearl had considered staying behind just so Peony wouldn't suffer alone -- but she shook those thoughts off right away. She couldn't put this off any longer.

She rose to her feet and stretched, and then went over her mental checklist one last time. She'd packed just about all of the necessities, and enough bottled water and snacks to sustain her for the long car ride ahead. She'd deleted every photo and every last app on her phone; bringing it along only made it easier for someone to track her down, so she planned to leave it behind. All that was left was the tattered composition book Pearl stored beneath her mattress. Once she'd fished it out and slipped it into her bag, Pearl took a deep breath. 'This is not your fault. You wouldn't be doing this if you didn't have to. If she wanted you to stay, she wouldn't have given you so many reasons to leave.' Pearl silently reassured herself.

Slinging the bag over her shoulders, Pearl pushed her bedroom door open and tiptoed down the stairs as quietly as she could manage. A stair inevitably creaked here and there, but not loudly enough to wake anyone.

Pearl froze up once she reached the front door. She tried to reach out for the doorknob, but couldn’t bring her hand to move. Instead, she pressed her head against the door and let out a tiny whine. 'God, I wish I didn’t have to do this… Too late to change my mind now, though.' she thought, brushing a tear from her cheek. After finally pulling herself together, Pearl slowly turned the doorknob and pulled the door open -- flinching as it squeaked -- and stepped out into the chilly spring night. She locked the door behind herself -- hesitating one last time -- before she hurried out to her car and drove off.

The first night was unbearable; Pearl knew she shouldn't complain, though. Compared to many others in her situation, she was fairly lucky; she at least had a place to run away to. The couch wasn't even particularly uncomfortable, either; just the unfamiliarity of her surroundings and the chronic cold sweat from her anxiety made everything around her unpleasant.

She sat upright, smoothing out her matted hair; at least she was far away from her mother. That was what mattered more than anything. The sun began to shine through the window, and Pearl whined and buried her face back into her pillow. She'd probably gotten an hour of sleep, if she were to stretch it.

"You alright?"

Pearl flinched at the sudden voice, but she relaxed once she realized it was only Jasper. She was watching her from the doorway of the living room, a somewhat concerned expression on her face, a cup of steaming tea in her hands. "I wish I could say yes." Pearl responded, her voice just above a whisper.

Jasper reached for the string on the tea bag, moving it around in the cup. "Yeah, that's what I expected. And don't take this as me trying to bring you down, but don't expect to feel better right away. You're probably gonna feel like garbage for a while." she said; she took a sip from her cup and winced. "Ouch. There go my taste buds." she mumbled, blowing on the tea in an attempt to cool it off. "Anyway, once it passes –and it will,— you're gonna be glad you got yourself outta there."

Pearl sat upright, putting her head in her hands. "I really can't thank you enough for doing this." she said in an attempt to change the topic. "When I asked you if I could stay with you, I didn't think you'd say yes. I'd just been planning to live in my car until... I don't even know." she continued. "So... when you said yes, I really felt like I’d been blessed.”

"Pfft, please. I'm just doing what any decent human would if they could." Jasper said, setting her mug on the coffee table and sitting down beside Pearl. "Besides, it gets lonely around here. Sure, I've got my sister, but still. I've missed you."

Pearl couldn't help but blush. "Is there anything you'd like me to do while you're gone?" she asked.

Jasper shrugged. "I dunno. Don't burn the house down. Make some brownies or something."

"No, I'm serious! Give me a list of chores or something, I don't want to stay around here and be a burden on you!" Pearl insisted, clasping her hands.

"Pearl, just relax. You haven’t even been here for a whole day, and if I remember anything about you from high school, it's that you're clean as can be and eat like a bird. I don't think you're going to be a burden on either of us." Jasper said, resting a hand on Pearl's shoulder. "Just... chill."

Even though it should have been comforting, Jasper's stubbornness only frustrated Pearl. She got antsy when she didn't have anything to do... Even if there wasn't anything Jasper wanted from her, perhaps she could find something to clean or organize after she left… "...Alright. I'll focus on myself today -- or at least try to."

"Good. That's what I wanted to hear. I don't want you to do a single chore today, alright?" Jasper said, standing up and heading out of the living room. She stopped right in front of the doorway, glancing back at Pearl. "Except brownies. You should make brownies."

Pearl smiled and rolled her eyes. "Of course. I'll make my special recipe."

"Who the hell are you talking to at six in the morning?” a voice called from upstairs.

"Really, Ame? You forgot Pearl was here?" Jasper called. “I’m just making sure she’s comfortable before I go to work.”

"Oh, right." Amethyst peered into the living room from the top of the stairs, her hair a tangled mess. "Welp, I'm going back to bed, then. Nighty night, nerds."

"Nighty night, butthead." Jasper said. Once Amethyst had retreated back to her room, she turned back to Pearl. "On top of not burning the house down... Try to be quiet for Amethyst. She usually sleeps til noon and gets unbearable when she doesn't get her full twelve hours."

Pearl smiled. "I don't think that'll be a problem."

"I didn't think so either." Jasper said, continuing into the entry room and grabbing her coat from the closet. "Well, I gotta work now, as much as I'd rather stay here. Feel free to help yourself to whatever food we have. See you around four."

"See you later!" Pearl said, waving to Jasper as she headed out the door. Once she was gone, she flopped back down onto the couch and buried her face into the pillow, hoping to block out the sunlight that way. Talking to Jasper had helped her relax a bit, so maybe she’d be able to get a little sleep... The more she laid in silence, however, the more her mind was free to race, and she definitely couldn’t afford that. So she dragged herself to her feet and rubbed her eyes, groaning as she forced herself to stretch. Perhaps she could perk herself up with a little tea and catch up on sleep later...

The sweet, chocolate scent of brownies filled the house; Pearl hummed to herself as she put on a pair of oven mitts and pulled the pan out of the oven, placing it on top of the stove.

"Oooh, watcha making?" Amethyst asked, her mere presence causing Pearl to jump in surprise.

"J-just some brownies." Pearl said, trying to hide just how much Amethyst had startled her. She didn't want to make her feel bad when she’d meant no harm… "They're for Jasper, but you're welcome to have some as well."

"Aw yeah!" Amethyst said with a grin. She grabbed a knife and cut out a huge slice of the brownie, attempting to scoop it onto a plate; but because it was still hot, it all fell apart into a pile of mush. She simply shrugged; "What matters is the taste, even if it's ugly." Amethyst said. She grabbed a fork from the dishwasher and sat down at the table, taking a bite. "Ouch, fuck, hot!"

Pearl stifled a giggle; what was with these two constantly burning their tongues? Did it run in the family or something? "Yes, well, it did just come out of the oven."

Amethyst rolled her eyes, taking a sip of water to cool her mouth off. "Yeah, yeah. Anyway." she began once she recovered, giving Pearl a curious-yet-teasing look. "So uh, what's your deal?"

Pearl was startled by the suddenness of her question; what was that even supposed to mean? "My... deal?"

"Yeah. I mean, Jasper didn't tell me jackshit about why you're even staying here. At first I thought you guys were banging or something, but then I wondered, why'd she make you sleep on the couch? Is it some obscure fetish I'm not aware of?"

Pearl blushed, cupping a hand over her mouth. "Dear Lord, no!" she gasped. Amethyst burst into laughter at the reaction, which only flustered Pearl even more. Amethyst apparently had no filter whatsoever... "She... Jasper allowed me to stay here because I needed to get away from where I was living. She was kind enough to give me a couch to sleep on."

"Mhm." Amethyst said once she recovered from laughing, wiping a tear from her eye. "And where were you living before?"

'She sure is nosy...' Pearl thought. "With my mother. A few states over. She was... very controlling. I couldn't stand to live with her any longer, so I ran away." Pearl said.

"Aw, that sucks." Amethyst said, taking another bite of her brownie; she looked a bit uncomfortable, as if she hadn't expected Pearl's answer to be that serious. "Sorry you had to deal with that shit. Also, these brownies are good as fuck."

Pearl tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, sitting down at the table across from Amethyst. She was somewhat thankful for the awkward change in conversation Amethyst had proposed. "Oh, thank you. I came up with the recipe myself! Or, well, I took another recipe and altered it until I thought it was perfect." Pearl said, resting her arms on the table and twiddling her thumbs. "Lots of chocolate chips is what makes them so gooey."

"I can tell. You're way better at this than Jasper." Amethyst said, resting her elbow on the table. "She always either burns or under-cooks her shit. You should give her cooking lessons." she teased, pushing her plate aside once she'd finished.

"Aw, well... I wouldn't want to be condescending." Pearl said, glancing to the side.

"Pfft. Not like she's never condescending." Amethyst said. "Also uh, I'm being super nosy again, and you can tell me to shut up if you want..." she began; Pearl tensed, praying Amethyst would have some common sense and not ask anything too intrusive. "But how do you know Jasper? Like, she's never mentioned you before. I mean, she barely tells me anything about her life, but I feel I’d at least have heard your name at some point. But it’s almost like she just pulled you out of thin air.”

Pearl couldn't help but let out a tiny sigh of relief. That wasn't the type of question she'd been expecting. "Oh, we used to be very close friends a while back. In high school, to be exact. But when I started doing home schooling instead, we sort of drifted apart. We hadn't really talked for years, up until a few weeks ago when I found her on Facebook." Pearl smiled softly. "As soon as she accepted my request, I explained my whole situation to her. I thought my chances were slim, that I'd have to just live in my car or something -- and it would have been completely reasonable for her to tell me no, so... I was really thankful when she said I could come stay with you two."

"Hm… That’s kinda weird of her. She never seemed like the type to just let an old high school friend come and sleep on our couch.” Amethyst said. "That said, she hasn't kicked me outta the house yet. But I guess I have an advantage because I'm her sister."

Pearl rose from her chair, tiptoeing over to the cabinet and grabbing a box of plastic wrap. "It's strange, because I don't even remember Jasper having a sister. How much younger are you?" she asked, covering up the tray of brownies.

"Like, three years. But I got adopted when I was fifteen and she was in her senior year of high school." Amethyst said.

"Ah, that's why I probably never heard about you, then." Pearl said, trying to hide her surprise; that would mean she was twenty three! Amethyst looked far younger than that, but perhaps she shouldn't have assumed. "I got pulled out of high school in the middle of my junior year -- I was a year ahead of Jasper."

"Lucky!" Amethyst said. "High school was absolute hell for me. I begged my parents to let me do home school, or at least go to a different school, but they insisted I stay right where I was." she pouted.

"Well..." Pearl began, but trailed off. She'd already overshared enough to Amethyst; she wasn't sure she was comfortable telling her the actual reason she'd been taken out of high school. "At least it's over now. I know high school can be hard. It wasn't exactly easy for me, either -- but I won't compare it to your experience, because I don't know what it was like for you. Still... I went through quite a bit of bullying for being a lesbian, among other things as well, b-but it was mostly because I was a lesbian. Jasper and my girlfriend, Rose, were the only friends I really had.”

"Yeah, I get you.” Amethyst said with a shrug. “I got treated like shit for being bi, too. Maybe not as bad as it could've been, though, because everyone knew Jasper was my sister and would beat the shit out of anyone who went too far. Still though, girls in my gym class always thought I wanted to fuck them whenever I breathed in their direction." She snorted, rolling her eyes. "It was so annoying... and honestly creepy. What's with homophobes thinking they're so hot?"

"Ugh, I know! That happened to me, too!" Pearl said, giggling. "It was plain ridiculous, honestly. The fact that I already had a girlfriend wasn't enough for them to believe I wasn't interested, I guess." Pearl shrugged, putting the tray of brownies in the fridge. She wasn’t sure where Jasper would prefer she put them, but she didn’t want to take up too much space on the counter. After that, she grabbed a wet wash cloth from the sink and began to wipe off the counter.

"Aww, look at you, cleaning up the kitchen like a good house guest." Amethyst teased. She peered into the sink, noticing it was empty. “You even washed the dishes already, dang.”

“Of course! I wouldn’t want to leave everything a mess.” Pearl said.

As Amethyst watched her, she tapped her fingers on the table for a few moments before speaking again. "So, what are you planning to do today?"

"Probably just... Focus on relaxing, I guess. And cleaning. Not that your house is messy, it’s very nice, it just – it distracts me from worrying." Pearl blushed, hoping that didn’t come off the wrong way. "After that, I might do some reading, and maybe even some job searching online if I get the chance."

"Pfft, that sounds kinda lame." Amethyst said. "You wanna hang out with me and some friends instead?"

"Oh, certainly not today. I don't think I would do well with a crowd... I'm still adjusting, I suppose." Pearl said, shyly wringing her hands. "But I appreciate the offer. Maybe another time we could work something out."

"Alriiiight." Amethyst said, as if she didn't fully believe Pearl's response. "But if you change your mind, just lemme know. I'll be up in my room now." she continued, going up the stairs.

"I'll certainly let you know if I do!" Pearl responded, but she had no intention of doing so. Amethyst seemed nice -- although a bit nosy at times, but with good intentions -- but it had been a little over a decade since she'd done anything close to "going out". If she were to ever consider doing something like that, it would have to be long after she'd adjusted to her new environment...

#Pathetic Clinging Poetry #pearlmethyst #steven universe #su fanfiction #pearlmethyst fanfiction #fanfiction #poetry

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goose-books · 4 years ago

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Ok first of all your Darkling magic post was fantastic and I can't get enough but now I MUST know...what kind of magic do the Stayer sisters have and how does it manifest??? (Also if you want to share more about Jasper's I will take it because I can't get enough of this bastard)

first of all: i apologize for the length of time between my posting of the worldbuilding post and the posting of this ask... i had almost finished writing you a response and then my computer shut down and the ask did not save! so that was a blow directly to my head! i also apologize for... the length of this!

second of all: [cups my hands and offers you this]

They say Cressida Stayer was nine years old when she turned her hair to gold. They laid her down in bed blonde, and the next morning, the waves cascading down her shoulders were solid metal, glinting harshly in the sunlight, weighing her down, creating that odd head-cocked expression she still wears now. Nine years old. Two or three years before most people develop enough magic skills to dye a single curl. Much less transfigure their hair into precious metal.

People also say Leovald Stayer’s immediate reaction was to hack it off her head and melt it down for cash. But generally they say that part a lot quieter.

— darkling, segment iv: control

so: the stayer sisters and magic.

if we charted the stayer sisters on the passive-to-active scale, it would look like this!

(left to right: ruby, cressida, and gracen.)

that said, they’re all leovald stayer’s kids, and leovald is pretty well known as one of the most magical people in dovermorry, if not in general. so he fully expected his children to have large amounts of raw magical energy as well. and they didn’t disappoint. cressida is the one well-known as a Magical Prodigy ™, but gracen and ruby are also notably powerful and notably in-control of their magic, especially for their ages! (21, 19, and 16, in descending order.) most people don’t get really, really good at controlling their magic until well into adulthood. technically you can join the guild at 17 or older, but the median age on the Mage’s Guild’s high council is, like, sixty. (when leovald is the young guy in the group, there’s an issue.)

interestingly, cressida is about two months from turning 17. but let’s not get ahead of ourselves. in descending order:

gracen’s entire thing is control. gracen stayer has a lot of power inside of her that would very much like to be outside of her, and gracen would very much like to prevent it from getting loose. she deals with this by being so hyperaware of her magic that it cannot possibly Do Things On Its Own, because she keeps it on an extremely tight leash. (this is a pretty good metaphor for how gracen deals with things in general.)

gracen... runs the stayer household. by which i mean she does everything from cleaning up after Mandatory Family Dinner to helping cressida with her calc homework to making sure ruby comes home before curfew (as not to get yelled at) to organizing leovald’s paperwork and making sure he doesn’t say something stupid on TV. gracen does most of leovald’s grunt work, actually. does she hate this? yes. but she’s also pretty sure that training the most powerful man in dovermorry into instinctively relying on her for everything is… a good long-term move, pragmatically speaking.

so gracen has a lot to do! and a lot of magic that she absolutely will not allow to build up inside of her. and she deals with this by using her magic for everything. she parcels small bits of magic out for every small task - doing the dishes, summoning a pencil from the other side of the room, making paperwork organize itself. if someone spills their drink on the carpet, gracen will draw the drink back out of the fibers, drop by drop, into the cup. by twitching one finger. understandably, this takes a lot of practiced focus and control; magic is very much something you can study and gracen very much studies it the way feral high schoolers study for the ACT. it almost doesn’t matter how active her magic is, because her magic NEVER takes any kind of natural form - she wrings out every drop in a very deliberate way. (i say almost because she can still feel it. she deliberately keeps it calm. it is harder than it looks. pretty much everything i’ve just said about gracen’s magic is a FANTASTIC metaphor for [gestures] the everything about gracen.)

and then there’s ruby, who is exactly the opposite. quelle surprise.

look, ruby is fully aware that no matter how much she practices, she is never going to be as good at controlling her magic as gracen. so she just… doesn’t. she just doesn’t! she doesn’t control it and she doesn’t use it. magic isn’t her best skill - her skillset lies in writing, in thinking, in persuading, in befriending, in provoking. why on earth would ruby magically whisk her laundry off the floor when she can just pick it up? and why would she pick it up when she can probably convince someone else to do it for her?

“but max,” you are thinking, “doesn’t her magic build up like you’ve been saying?” yes and she likes it. to be fair, she has comparatively more passive energy than her sisters; it’s easier for ruby to deal with this buildup than it would be for gracen. or for jasper, for that matter. when jasper’s magic gets to be Too Much, it’s a physical palpable thing; he gets itchy and shaky and tense and sometimes sick until he can twist off the metaphorical cap and let off some steam. for ruby, it’s more like an adrenaline rush - pounding heart, shaky limbs, heightened senses and emotions, without the risk of Making A Mess in public. she likes to let her magic build and build and build and build and then pull it back and release it into something deliberate at the very last minute. she finds this thrilling. which isn’t to say she doesn’t care! that honestly takes as much control and focus as gracen’s strategy does.

at her high school graduation, ruby “accidentally” “lost control” and set off magical fireworks over her head as she crossed the stage. loudly and vividly. leovald in the audience was so psyched he shouted. gracen would have slammed her head into the wall, except she had to comfort cressida, who reacts to loud noises like this:

as much as gracen and ruby differ in their ways of handling their magic, they’re… very similar at the core. what looks effortless is actually a lot of concentrated effort behind the scenes. and then there’s cressida, who just… does not have that.

some people (leovald) think of magic as a thing to flaunt. some people (jasper) are constantly fighting it. cressida just… does not care all that much? she just does not care. magic comes very naturally to her because it is first and foremost a way she copes with being trans and autistic in a world that is not made for her. she used to turn the lights out when rooms got too bright (and then sat back and let everyone else wonder what had happened). she’ll change fabrics to make them softer or smoother. the real story of her hair has nothing to do with gold - she was ten, not nine, and she grew her hair out to shoulder-length overnight, because she was sick of having short hair. and that was what made the rest of her family realize that maybe all that stuff about wanting to be a girl was, like… significant.

technically, yes, she is a Magical Prodigy ™! her magic settled very early and she has a LOT of it. and her magic, more than even her sisters’, is very similar to leovald’s. leovald lets his magic do WHATEVER the fuck, and the result is that he warps the world around him a LOT - fireplaces light when he walks into the room; lights flicker when he raises his voice; doors burst open in front of him even when they aren’t automatic; when his emotions are running high they affect the weather. cressida’s magic would like to be doing all of that. leovald would also like cressida’s magic to be doing all of that.

but cressida… kind of just doesn’t give a shit? she has a lot of untapped potential that she is fine with not tapping. she is perfectly content with living her life using her magic to, like, change the radio station from the backseat of the car (when you’re the youngest of three children, you NEVER get shotgun).

buuuuuut leovald is really psyched about having a freaky magical savant child. and most people see cressida - quiet, staring off into space, blank facial expression, not great at talking - and quietly assume that the magic thing is… like… all she has going for her. so she’s very much been pigeonholed into Magical Prodigy Zone, whether she likes that or not.

whoa this is a lot of text have an image

and then jasper is just… the anti-cressida. he has a thousand and one talents and gets perfect grades and charms everyone he meets and he is a walking biohazard when it comes to magic. and it drives him CRAZY, as much as he pretends not to care.

most people have their magic all figured out by the time they’re in high school. jasper is sixteen, almost seventeen, and something about it is… still just not working for him. even simple stuff (duplicating post-it notes! making flashcards shuffle themselves!) just… takes much more effort than it should. and because he hates being bad at it, he doesn’t use it, and then it builds up, and he ends up jittering like a live wire, and then if that goes too far things explode.

jasper has elected to blame his mother pretty much entirely for this, because vee has NONE of the same problems. (plenty of problems! but not related to magic.) …plus, you know. jasper’s had enough mishaps in public to know that his father ALSO blames jasper’s mother, pretty vocally, whenever he gets the chance.

on a conscious level, jasper is actually fine with having magic that just Does Not Fucking Work. because he has SO many nonmagical skills that it makes up the difference. at his boarding school, he sits atop a throne made of forged prescriptions, pay-per-page homework, and confessions of love from people who do not know him nearly enough to confess their love to him. on a subconscious level he has a whole complex about it but [gesturing] that’s a given, isn’t it

#suits-of-woe-main #THANK YOU BTW SERIOUSLY...#i adore your writing so your interest in this makes me 🥺🥺#so here i am writing an essay as per usual.#max.txt #darkling tag #leovald stayer #gracen stayer #ruby stayer #cressida stayer #jasper greenwood #all maxes know... is rewrite shakespeare... and respond to questions with a full page of text...#asks

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mysweetestcreature · 5 years ago

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Tomorrow Never Knows (President!Harry) Chapter 10: Not a Bad Thing

(Banner by the wonderful noblewomankat!)

***

Monday November 24, 2008

It’s been days since they’ve had a normal conversation...or any decent form of communication for the matter. This past week had consisted of multiple attempts (on her part) to talk to him, but each time he’d make up some excuse to cut all dialogue short. “My mum’s waiting for me outside, maybe next time?” or “I’m actually late for practice, but I’ll catch up with you later,” but of course he never did. Beyond her comprehension is how she had managed to mess everything up so badly in so little time.

Eleven minutes.

Harry had arrived eleven minutes after she had accepted Jasper’s invitation. There’s nothing she can say that can justify why she’d done it because even she isn’t so sure. Maybe she was scared. She’d been so hopeful about where this friendship with him would lead them once before, and it had costed her the first heartbreak of her life. The biggest part of her wanted so badly to wait for Harry to ask her, but a small yet seemingly influential nerve had let her insecurities take over.

She wishes she hadn’t cared so much about what other people had thought, and instead used her own judgement. She hadn’t realized just how difficult it would be for their roles to be reversed, and she only has herself to blame for it.

“I wish you’d stop stressing,” Cici tells her as they do their warmup stretches. “I doubt he’ll be able to stay mad at you for much longer.”

“You might be wrong for once,” she smiles sadly, facing down to stare numbly ahead as she reaches for her toes.

Once she and Harry had parted (or more accurately, when Harry had left her standing ashamed in the hallway), Cici had found her sitting on the floor beside her locker, a somber expression painted all over her face.

“I messed up,” is all she had mustered up in that moment of fragility, dejected eyes having fallen into her lap. And Cici –– who had already passed an equally, if not more, crestfallen boy on her way to find Y/n –– was readily equipped with her words of enthusiasm, even if she was quite disappointed in the turnout of the day. “You made one mistake –– it doesn’t make you a bad person.” Doesn’t it, though?

Cici scoffs as she tightens her ponytail. “I am many things, but I am never wrong,” she says in a matter-of-fact tone –– almost arrogantly, if you ask Y/n –– before standing up and brushing the wrinkles from her skirt. “It’s not in my vocabulary.”

“But it’s in mine, apparently,” her lips curve down.

“I didn’t mean it like–”

“I know.” She rises to her feet. “It was a stupid decision and I wish I could redo it, but I can’t now. He can barely stand to be in the same room as me for more than a class period. He hasn’t dropped by the Home Ec. Room in who knows how long, and I haven’t been able to make a decent pumpkin pie since. Me? Screw up a pie? That doesn’t happen! This weekend I typed out twenty-seven texts that I never sent. Twenty-seven, Cici! Who does something like that?! All saying the same thing, that I like him so much that it makes my heart go crazy, and how it hurts that he might think otherwise because I’m going to this stupid dance with someone who’s not Harry and it fucking sucks!”

It leaves her chest to heave heavily, and her lungs to feel completely depleted of any oxygen. With an outburst like that, she’s managed to surprise herself. And while conversations amongst the other cheerleaders continue, it feels like she’s once again in the spotlight as the heat creeps up her neck and settles on her forehead and the apples of her cheeks.

Cici stands in front of her, eyes rounded in astonishment and mouth hung open wide. Her eyes quickly dart down at her arm.

“You’ve never cussed before, I literally just got chills!”

A smile slowly reemerges. “It felt good,” she admits, and she breathes out in relief as her shoulders feel lifted from at least a portion of the weight that had been set upon them. “I’ve been holding that one in.”

“No, that was totally clear.”

A restful silence falls upon them, and Y/n makes it an opportunity to reflect on the upcoming days. She needs to fix this and salvage whatever she can before they permanently fall apart. Hating to sound dramatic, but she has a strong feeling that if they can’t recover from this, then it could be over for good.

And that’s just not in the cards.

“I’m going to tell him.”

***

Tuesday November 25, 2008

“Got any plans for Thanksgiving?” Maxxie asks him.

Harry lets out a heavy sigh, staring down at his jumbled pile of flashcards on his desk. He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t been thinking about it constantly because it had been toying with his mind for the better part of the weekend. “You could say that, I guess.”

The answer, in all its vague glory brings about an amused grin from the boy across from him. Maxxie leans over the table and goes as far to lift his hips off the chair just invade his personal space. “What was that tone?” he gawks, wiping the cards off the surface of the table.

“Well...” he starts off timidly (a bit of annoyance mixed in because he’s going to have to clean up the mess later), and a small burp erupts from the back of his throat as a sign of his mild discomfort. “I was sort of...maybe...actually invited to...” but the tail of the sentence is nearly undecipherable to the human ear.

Maxxie squints his blue eyes across from him. “What was that? I didn’t quite catch all of it.”

Blowing out the air from his lungs, Harry’s head falls back so all he has to focus on are the dull cracks in the ceiling. Part of him still doesn’t believe it, or rather hadn’t thought it an admissible option given the recent events. He pokes his inner cheek outwards before letting out a tired groan. “We’re spending it with Y/n’s family, okay? There, I said it.”

“You’re bluffing!”

Harry whistles out a breath. “Not today, mate,” he chortles, rubbing the base of his palm against his left eye. “Jeremy literally asked my mum the day after...well, you know.”

“Are you going to be able to manage it?” there’s a weariness in Maxxie’s voice.

But honestly, Harry doesn’t know. Yes, he’s still broken up about the whole thing. Yet, the hardest part is being next to her and feeling as though he’s missed every chance that he’s had at being hers. Because he’s sure it’ll take him a long time before he’s over her, and that’s what hurts the most.

***

On Day 6, Pattern D finds itself at ten in the morning, the third class of the Tuesday before Thanksgiving break. To Y/n it’ll be the first class she has with Harry, meaning another chance to get things straightened out between them. Now that their positions are reversed, she feels even worse about having treated him so harshly the month before when there had been a hefty cloak of uncertainty to keep things understandably complicated.

Just as Mr. Daughtry’s door comes into sight, her path is intercepted by a body suddenly appearing before her.

“Hey, you!” Jasper greets her with a bright grin. There’s a moment of clumsiness when she predicts his fluid movements based on how his arm extends and fingers point in her direction as they rise to the height of her shoulder. In a slight panic, she twists arounds, pretending to fish for a pencil from the side pouch of her backpack. Luckily (for him) he’s able to stop himself from proceeding, and he shrugs the action off as he stretches that same arm over his head. With a skittish laugh he continues. “I feel like I haven’t seen much of you this week.”

“I’ve just been busy,” she mumbles, hugging her grey math notebook close to her chin. She can’t help but wonder if he isn’t late to some class, or club meeting, or some discussion about hair accessories (the latter causes her to snigger to herself).

Jasper simply nods, pulling slightly on the knot of his tie. “So, I told my mom about the formal and she’s super stoked that we’re going together,” he blushes. “I mean, I’m really happy you said yes.”

Meanwhile, the metallic taste of blood starts to fill her mouth the longer she keeps her tongue trapped between her teeth. “Yeah...” she struggles to find her voice. The right thing to do would be to come clean, to be straightforward with him and give him the honest answer he had deserved from the beginning.

Blowing the air from her nostrils, she parts her lips as they wrap around the words. “Jasper, I actually need to talk to you about that...”

“Karan! What’s up, man?”

She forces an unbothered appearance in front of Jasper’s friend –– Karan –– as they start a whole conversation of their own.

This is something she’s found to dislike very much, how Jasper always seems to forget that his friends aren’t her friends...well, at least none that she particularly like enough to call by such an intimate name. It bothers her because she doesn’t know if she can walk away or if this boy has any intention of including her or even continuing with what they’d started only minutes before.

She taps her foot contempt, not even caring if either find her actions to be tactless. All Jasper does is shoot half a smile before carrying on talking about the latest scandal to hit the tenth grade.

“I should really get to class,” she meddles in the momentary pause between speakers. “See you around.”

Before Jasper can send her off with a proper goodbye, she turns around and keeps en route for the classroom. As soon as she’s about to cross under the arch, she collides with another body, notebook falling from her hands and falling open-faced on the floor.

“’m sorry,” the other rushes out, his voice all too recognizable to her ears. Harry quickly picks up the notebook and holds it out for her to take, but all she notices is how his eyes remain low and unwilling to look at her.

“Thank you,” she whispers. He gives her a nod in response before signaling for her to go enter ahead of him. But she stays in glued in place. “Do you think we can...”

“There might be a pop quiz, I heard,” he interrupts, his hand finding the small of her back to gently prod her into the room. Despite it being nothing more than a graze of his fingers over her sweater, she still feels jolts of electricity run up her spine and tickle the back of neck.

With their arrival being just a minute or so before roll call, the only available seats are towards the very rear, two desks grouped together and pushed in the far-right corner of the room. His hand falls back to his side, the absence of his touch leaving her colder than she had just been. It makes her frown, and as they make their way to the back, the space between them only grows.

For her, this has to be the most difficult consequence to deal with.

“Alright, since everyone is settled in,” Mr. Daughtry starts, uncapping a blue dry erase marker. “Let’s go over last night’s homework.” And he ponders down at the reference notes on the podium, before the shrill squeaks of the marker against the whiteboard slowly begin to reveal an equation.

Beside her, Harry opens up his notebook, each homework problem neatly organized (this includes all the work he’d done to solve them) over two pages. She looks straight ahead, slightly squinting so she can decipher the correct answers on the board. “How is it 43?” she asks under her breath, staring down at problem #5.

“It was a negative two, not positive...which would mean b becomes positive in the expression,” he answers. He orients his notes towards her. “Right there,” he points to it with tip of his pencil. He leans in a little closer, elbow coming to rest on the table as his head tilts in her direction. Her heart goes crazy as he goes on to explain the steps of the equation. It’s the first time in days he’s willingly talked to her, even if it is about schoolwork. But she forces herself to shake off the feeling for the time being, if only to prevent herself from messing this up.

“How’d I even...” And she cross checks with his work, brows curling inward. “Oh, I’m such dummy. I didn’t even notice that!” she shakes her head and rubs her eraser over the page.

He looks at her for the first time today with a prelude of the softest smile. “You’re not.”

She offers him a toothy grin as she settles back down. Every now and again will she sneak an admiring gaze.

***

“Harry!” she calls after him. In the short period of time she’d taken to pack her things, he had already fled the room by the time she looked up. It took squeezing her way through two bulky juniors from their class to quickly find his mop of brown curls in the crowded corridor.

At the sound of his name, he begrudgingly comes to a stop. He sighs and scratches the back of his head, his internal monologue arguing that he should continue forward. The decision is to be outweighed by a greater influence.

“Hi,” Y/n says in a bit of a wheeze.

“Hi,” he returns, nodding. He watches as those around them disperse in their difference directions, until the hallway soon becomes barren during this first lunch period. “What’s going on?” he asks simply.

She absentmindedly goes to mess with a loose strand of hair. “I was just...” she snivels (allergy season can be a real nuisance). “Wanted to say that I’m really looking forward to Thursday.”

“Oh,” his mouth forms an o with his lips. He glances to the floor and wriggles his feet as though pebbles were buried in his shoes. “Yeah, I think my mum’s bringing trifle or some kind of dessert.”

“That’s sweet of her,” she affirms. “Are you excited?”

Harry looks up, noticing the hope embedded in her eyes. “It could be fun,” he says evenly. “Your dad seems pretty keen on watching the Packers game together. Mason, too, I guess.”

“Mason hasn’t stopped talking about it,” she admits shyly, but can’t help but giggle at the thought of her brother. “You know, he told his teacher that you were his best friend.”

It’s Harry’s turn to laugh. “Really?” Y/n nods enthusiastically. “He’s a cool kid. Tell him I’m honored.”

“You can always tell him on Thursday.”

Harry smiles. “I will.”

***

Thursday November 27, 2008

Thanksgiving Day has never been more stressful for Y/n. Not only has she been baking since last night (did someone say four different flavors of pie and three fall-themed cookies, and a carrot cake bigger than her dad’s head?) but she must have changed her outfit at least nine times in the last half hour. The Styles’ are expected to arrive at around 5pm, which means she only has another forty-five minutes to come up with the perfect ensemble. Earlier in the afternoon, it had just occurred to her that she hasn’t met Anne nor Gemma, and she’d be dishonest if she said she wasn’t ultra-nervous about it.

Gosh, how her stomach feels so full of air.

She wishes she could be as carefree as Mason because all he’s been fretting over is which boardgame to play with Harry after dinner and which Disney movie he’s going to have running on the laptop whilst Jeremy slaves away to the television at approximately 8pm.

“Do you think Harry likes Monopoly or Connect Four?” the little boy asks. She tears her attention from her cookie display to look down at her brother who’s holding two boxes up for her to examine.

“But, Mase,” she giggles, wiping her hands on her apron. “You don’t know how to play Monopoly.”

Mason looks at the box in his right hand and eyes it carefully. He gives her a signal of understanding before trotting off back into the living room to set up. Shaking her head, she continues setting up the cookies along the three-tier server. Hopefully, it’ll be enough to impress their guests. “It’ll be fine,” she tells herself.

***

The doorbell rings, and almost instantly does it cause alarm within Y/n.

“Oh my god!” she panics, running around the kitchen to quadruple check that everything is exactly as it should be. “Dad! Dad! Did you–”

“Yes.”

“How about the–”

“Yes.”

“Okay but what about–”

“Y/n,” Jeremy says sternly from the foyer. She closes her eyes as she listens to the bottom rim of the door brush along the mat. “Welcome! Nice to see you again, Anne. Harry, ready for that Packers game? Oh, hello! I don’t think I’ve met you yet?”

Her eyes widen, he must be talking to Gemma! Harry had told her stories about how close they are since Anne’s job requires a lot of traveling. Oh gosh, she must hate her for having done what she did to her brother. She knows this because she would absolutely despise anyone who would ever dare to hurt Mason. “I think I’m going to be sick,” she breathes unevenly and braces herself over the counter.

“Not to validate anything your father says,” Olivia sneaks up from behind, “but you really do need to relax.” She takes a good look at her daughter. “Weren’t you wearing the brown sweater?”

But before Y/n has the chance to answer, three new faces enter from the side, her heart skipping over multiple beats as she becomes tightlipped.

“Hello!” Olivia greets them. “We’re so happy to have you join us! I’m Olivia, by the way.”

Harry’s sister nudges him from behind. “Oh, um...” he looks behind him. “This is my mum Anne, and my sister Gemma.”

“So nice to meet you,” Anne smiles, and she extends a hand to Olivia, Gemma does the same. “You have such beautiful home. Are those chrysanths you have along the walkway? They’re absolutely stunning!”

Olivia covers a hand over her heart. “I like you already,” she sobs playfully. “Finally, someone who gets it! Two kids and neither of them share a love for gardening.”

“You can say that again,” Anne returns. The two share a laugh, and Olivia leads them into the dining room to continue on with their chat.

It leaves Y/n with Harry and Gemma, and she isn’t even sure where Jeremy might have wandered off to now. Harry whispers something into Gemma’s ear, and she rolls her eyes before shoving her elbow into his side. Y/n can’t help but wonder what he’s saying. Is it about her? Has he found something wrong? Stop this! She reaches behind her and pinches herself. Relax.

Taking a bold step forward, she strikes up conversation. “Hi, I’m Y/n.”

“I’ve heard a lot about you,” Gemma replies, a warm aura radiating from her being.

Y/n tilts her head. “Good things, I hope.”

“Well,” the older girl starts, sending a smirk at her brother and sniggering when his eyes widen in realization. “This one never stops talking about you.”

Harry gasps, “Now wait just a minute.” But as soon as he’s about to come up with a rebuttal, he’s immediately attacked from behind with a hug. Short arms lock his legs together, and if it weren’t for his sister standing there for support, he would have most definitely fallen over. “There he is!”

“Harry!” Mason giggles, reaching his arms above his head, a notorious signal for Harry to lift him up. “Did you miss me?”

“Duh!” Harry teases. “How can I not miss my bestest mate?”

***

Dinner goes better than either she or Harry can expect. Their families seem to have taken well with one another, Anne and Olivia having already formed that instant bond over maternal care and green thumbs. Jeremy is shocked to hear that Gemma is interested in programming herself, and he’s even more impressed to learn that she’s in the process of building her own website. As for Mason, well...it’s a little hard not to fall in love this boy when all he pours out into the world is happiness, and maybe a little bit of cupcake frosting.

A seating arrangement had predetermined their positions at the table (thanks to Olivia and her brilliant mind). As it had happened, Y/n and Harry are seated beside each other, their chairs closer than usual with the extra chair on his other side. Although, it became apparent throughout dinner of the gap –– while not visible to the human eye –– that remains between them.

Y/n doesn’t understand why that is, especially since they’d seemed to be on better terms on Tuesday. While they hadn’t eaten lunch together, he did sit next to her during Spanish class so they could work on the conjugation exercise together. Sure, it hadn’t been the most romantic thing they could have done, but it was a start, right? But now she feels bothered that the extent of their communication today has been polite smiles and requests to pass whatever dish the other is closest to.

Deciding she’s had enough of this, she turns to him. “I’m really glad you’re here,” she whispers to him.

“It is the holidays, so...” he keeps his answer elusively.

She has to play it back in her mind to determine if there’s any underlying meaning behind it. Pushing around the remains of her pumpkin pie she speaks up again. “Are you still mad at me?”

He takes his time before answering, mulling over the words carefully. Yet, there’s no intelligible way to organize them to make it sound any better. “It’s not that simple.”

And that manages to stir something within her. “It’s either yes or no.”

“Y/n,” he warns, not wanting to cause a scene in front of their families. “Now’s just not the time to talk about it.”

She scoffs, shaking her head and willing herself not to cry. “It’s never the time with you.” And she excuses herself from the table.

***

Giving himself one last glance in the mirror, he wraps his hand around the copper knob. He takes a long breath as he prepares himself to rejoin everyone and pretend that he doesn’t wish he could be anywhere else today. For majority of the day, he had thought he’d moved on from the rejection. However, the more time he spends with her, the more those feelings regress him back to those open wounds. Despite how much he likes watching football with Jeremy and playing Connect Four with Mason, he can’t help but get distracted whenever she comes over and asks thoughtful questions about the game. And that distraction causes him to remember how difficult it’s been to keep up this charade.

When he opens the door, he’s immediately met with her figure looking up at him with doe-like eyes. His jaw clenches as he tries to ignore how the pout on her plump lips makes a part of him go a little crazy. What’s worse is that he shouldn’t feel this way, not right now at least. Not when he’s trying to stay mad for a little while longer.

“Please,” she starts off faintly, looking all too small as she stands before him. His expression softens only the smallest amount that she isn’t sure if maybe it was just a twitch. “Can we just talk?” She can see it in his eyes, the answer that’s about to roll off his tongue so blatantly obvious. And before he has a chance to decline, she latches onto his hand and starts to walk him towards the stairs. They’re careful not to draw attention to themselves as they practically tiptoe through the dining area where Anne and Olivia continue to share embarrassing stories from when both Harry and Y/n were much younger.

The grip she has on him while she leads him up the steps surprises him. Her soft hand squeezes his so tightly that his palms start to sweat from the sheer pressure (and maybe from a bubbling sense of nervousness that’s brewing inside). “Is this really necessary...” he hears himself muttering out loud, even though he’s expecting no answer in return. Although, he may have just felt just the smallest bit of added compression around his fingers as they round the corner.

Once they’re in her room, she’s sure to close the door this time around. If she’s learned anything from the numerous times they’ve been interrupted, it’s that one can never be too sure around her family –– or anyone really. She debates whether to take it all the way with caution, standing frozen as she stares down at the lock with hesitancy.

“Are you planning on keeping me hostage or something?” he chuckles lightly, plopping down on her bed, having already accepted his defeat. He combs his fingers through his hair a couple times before allowing himself the chance to relax.

She exhales fully and closes her eyes. “If that’s what it takes.” With the lock pinched securely between her fingers, the faintest sound erupts within the space. Click. “Then, yes.” Rotating on her heel, she presses her back up against the door, hand still loosely grasping the handle as she tilts her head back. She keeps her eyes low at first, but as seconds on the clock begin to outnumber them, she has no choice but to have them ascend.

He raises an eyebrow. “Well?”

“I’m so sorry, Harry,” she says shakily, whatever confidence she had absorbed seems to have fizzled out. But she can’t back down now, not when the opportunity is right in front of her. “I knew you were going to ask me, and I swear I was going to wait but then Jasper completely caught me off guard and then everyone was watching and I just...I just didn’t...I just didn’t think. It was stupid and I know that’s not an excuse, but I just want things to go back to normal.” She crosses her arms over her chest, a twinge of embarrassment filling her as her own words repeat through her ears.

He shifts uncomfortably. All the feelings he’d been trying to avoid are being unlocked, and there’s nothing he can do to stop it. It’s not even that he’s mad (he’s found it impossible to harvest any ill-feelings for the girl in front him), it’s more that he’s dreading whatever might come out of her mouth because he isn’t sure he can handle another rejection. “We don’t have to talk about it, really. We’re fine,” he says as neutrally as he can.

“No, Harry. We’re not. And you know it.”

He knows she’s right, no matter how much he wants to deny it for the sake of saving his own heart. But now that she’s locked him in, he has no choice but to confront the issue. “Look, whatever might have been between us, I’ll get over it, okay? I’ll be fine. I don’t want you to feel–”

“No!” she almost screams, and she marches right to where his knees bend off the side of the mattress with her lips pursed in a newfound determination. “That’s the complete opposite of what I want to happen.”

His green eyes are fixed on her. “What do you mean?” he whispers. But she shakes her head, as though regretting the words to come out of her mouth. Because now they implicate her of the thing she’s been dying to say, and there’s no coming back once it’s said.

Not even thinking, he places his hands on her waist to bring her closer. She still refuses to look at him, her arms further wrapping around her vulnerable self. There’s something in the way her bottom lip moves in the slightest matter that intrigues him. And now he just needs to know. “Hey, look at me,” and he gently cups her cheek to encourage her. “What?”

She stays quiet as she tries to get her breathing back to a normal pace, but the feeling of his stare causes a sweat to form down her back. “I don’t want you to be over us.”

With that, she finally looks forward.

It’s about time one of them be brave.

“I don’t want you to be over me,” she says in the most delicate manner. “I don’t want you to get over me because...” She uncrosses her arms, only to have them wrap around his neck as she settles between his open legs. “Because I don’t want to have to get over you.”

Their eyes meet, and she lets her forehead fall against his. The tips of their noses nudge against each other. A sigh of pure bliss fights its way out of him. He pulls her even closer, thumbs rubbing small circles into the plush of her hips. Her heart beats erratically, as does his as they bask in the echo of a declaration. Two pairs of lips pull up into benevolent smiles before finally coming together.

Eight letters.

There are eight letters to be remained unsaid (until another time).

***

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