#I doubt I’d be able to do Disney or anything crazy like this with a friend for a WHILE

[rosicheeks]

do you like long car trips?

Really depends tbh

[brandstifter-sys]

Carry On

Five Times Remus Swept Virgil Off His Feet (and One Time Virgil Returned the Favor)

That's a FOB title if I ever saw one

Word Count: 2927                          (Ao3)

Characters: all sides

Pairing: Dukexiety

Rating: T

Warnings: self-doubt, sex mention, swearing, mild gore mention, undertale references, dc comics references, charlie the unicorn references

inspired by @sanders-sides-uncorrect-quotes‘ post linked here

One…

Sans. Virgil truly hated this battle, but he was set on finishing this run to get to the true ending the next time around. Too bad he was getting his ass handed to him by a punny pile of bones!

He growled to himself as his fingers frantically danced over the keys. He didn't care if anyone came into the common area while he was there, he couldn't afford the stress from his room and everyone knew to stay away from him or else.

Remus was not one of those sides who did what he was supposed to do all the time. So when he popped up in the common area, he didn't think twice about lounging on the couch next to his favorite emo.

"Oh come on!" Virgil snapped at his computer as he lost again. He clawed at his hair and let out a long, agonized groan before flopping back on the couch. His hands were shaking and his heart was racing. He was one more loss away from committing murder.

"Uh oh!" Remus giggled and got up. He closed the laptop and grinned at Virgil as the emo tried to murder him with his eyes.

"What do you want?"

"Me? Well I have to make a delivery to the Grand Duke of the Imagination! And you have what I need!" Remus hummed and wiggled his shoulders. Virgil scowled and crossed his arms.

"What are you talking about?" he huffed, ignoring the mischievous twinkle in Remus' eyes. That was a mistake!

Remus swooped down and scooped him up bridal style, laughing at Virgil flailing in his arms and squawking like a gull. He would never drop him out of nowhere! Silly emo could trust him!

"I'm taking you to the Grand Duke so he can spoil you and cheer you up! By any means necessary!" Remus purred and winked, bringing a delightful blush to Virgil's face.

"What the hell?"

"You are my damsel in distress and I don't even have to slay a monster to make sure you're okay—unless you want me to, there's definitely a monster I want to see, in your—"

"No. I am so done with monsters today. Don't even make that joke. Just do what you were planning," Virgil huffed and averted his gaze, no longer squirming to get away. Remus could live with that as long as he could keep holding this tall drink of water!

Two…

Remus was just polishing his morning star when he decided it was a good time to harass his brother and talk about the only thing they seemed to agree on: butts!

He appeared in the common area to the sound of a Disney movie, it would have been perfect, but Roman was not alone on the couch. Oh no, he could clearly distinguish a mop of purple hair next to the prince’s own preened locks. Neither one seemed to notice the duke looming behind them, which was good. Surprising Roman was way too much fun!

“How can you claim this isn’t romantic and charming?!” Roman grumbled as Prince Philip and Briar Rose began to dance and sing in the forest. Virgil snorted and shook his head.

“There’s nothing more romantic than a total stranger in his 20s swooping in and interrupting a 16 year old girl’s furry fantasy without an introduction or asking,” Virgil droned sarcastically. He snickered at the offended gasp that came out of the prince’s mouth and shifted in his seat.

“You wanna pause this and grab some popcorn? My leg fell asleep.”

Before Roman could move Remus struck.

“Hello there! The angel from my nightmares, the shadow in the background of the morgue!” he sang and scooped Virgil into his arms, twirling around with the brightest grin imaginable. Virgil squeaked and clung to him, more out of surprise than fear. He should have seen it coming.

“I think my point stands,” Roman teased, smirking at the pair like a cheshire cat. Virgil shot him a death glare, daring him to say anything more while Remus giggled impishly between verses.

“Perhaps you should take care of that leg and we can continue later. I would hate to rob you of a moment like this!” the prince continued, making Virgil flush and plot his end. Remus laughed and brushed Roman off.

“Looks like I’m the dashing heroic prince today! Better luck next time Hoe-man!” he sang and sunk out for some much needed cuddles. Roman rolled his eyes, ignoring the sleight in favor of appreciating how cute those two could be. Plus he could rewatch his movie without critique!

Three…

Virgil was exhausted. After a long study session for the next video, making sure that Logan knew his lines and keeping Janus from making them take a break, all he wanted to do was fall into a coma. But he was still in the common area and he would have company if he didn't move, but that meant moving. He drooped, letting his limbs hang off the couch, wishing he had the energy.

That was a mistake, and he knew that he would regret it. Especially when something slimy glided up the back of his hand.

"Gross," he grumbled, not bothering to look at the culprit. Remus giggled and licked his hand again before kissing it. He got off the floor and on one knee, smiling at his emo.

"You know you love me!" he teased and brought Virgil's hand to his lips again, "You're like my personal damsel in distress and I just love saving you and making you feel like a princess!"

"I'm not a damsel, just tired. Can I take a nap in peace?"

"Not out here, Scare Bear! You know it gets crazy with the others around!" Remus giggled and scooped him up without any struggle.

"If you take me to your dungeon to do horrible things to me in my sleep, make sure I have both kidneys intact."

"No promises, Charlie!" Remus teased and resituated Virgil so he could rest his head on his shoulder, "But I can promise you a comfy bed and the best snuggle buddy ever!"

"You're bringing Winary? Hellhounds don't make for great cuddles. They stink of brimstone," Virgil mumbled against his neck.

"Nope! You get to cuddle with a stinky dukey!" Remus countered and walked towards his room with his precious cargo.

"I'd rather cuddle with you," Virge mumbled and curled into Remus' chest.

"But I am a stinky dukey!" he said, fighting back the urge to squeal. Virgil huffed and wrapped his arms around Remus.

"I like your scent. It's comforting, like a puppy that likes mud."

"You Sir are exhausted!" Remus declared, "And you are taking a long nap with me so you can get that snark back!"

"You better be there when I wake up," Virge answered, barely able to keep his eyes open. Remus was happy and he was sure to be there the whole time.

Four...

"Virgil, you can't just call Remus every time something mildly inconvenient happens. He's not your footman," Janus huffed as Virgil curled into himself. He was going to summon Remus for a good reason. It wasn't his fault that the duke showed up every time he stubbed his toe!

"I know that, Snake-face," he huffed, "I don't actually summon him when they happen. He just knows."

"And you do nothing to stop him. It's not good for you to be dependent on him for everything. There's a fine line between self-care and sinking into bad habits."

"I'm not sinking into bad habits, Janus. I'm fine with being toted around if it makes him feel like he's being heroic instead of a villain."

Janus sighed and shook his head. Virgil had a point, Remus needed to feel wanted and needed. And who better to provide that for him than Virgil? Remus adored him!

"And I want him to show up right now," Virgil mumbled and hugged his knees. His skin was crawling and he was freezing. Was it too selfish for him to want to have Remus hold him and keep him close? Was he taking advantage of Remus wanting to be someone's hero? Was he even good enough to get that kind of attention from the duke?

"Remus!" Janus called out, rather than sit by and watch Virgil spiral. He sank out at the same time Remus appeared.

Remus got one look at Virgil and immediately pulled him into his arms. Virgil melted into him and let out a contented sigh.

"Scare Bear!" Remus cheered and spun on his heels, "My spider sense was tingling! What's wrong, Bitter Sweetie?"

"I just need some creature contact," Virgil grumbled, "and you're the most comfortable creature I know."

"So no slaying your demons or disemboweling anyone?" Remus giggled and dropped Virgil on the couch before flopping on him. Virgil shifted and wrapped his arms around Remus' waist.

"Nah, just don't leave. I need a Cuddlefish."

"And you got me for as long you want!" Remus giggled and nestled his head under Virgil's chin.

"You're gonna be here for a while," Virge hummed and soaked in the warmth Remus provided.

"I don't mind," Remus said, "I like it here!" And that was an understatement.

Five…

Remus was just going to the kitchen for a snack—he had some prairie oysters with his name on them! But he paused in the middle of the hallway when he saw Virgil on a step ladder, painting a wrought iron fence mural over his door. He was so focused, so pretty, Remus had to stare.

"You know, creeping on someone who's on a ladder is considered a bad idea."

"Do I look like the guy who has good ideas?"

"No, I should know better, you like me."

"No talking bad about yourself!" Remus growled and loomed closer.

"Oh, that's not what I meant. I mean you like the one guy who can kick your ass and you keep calling him a damsel. Last I checked, I saved you from the Dragon Witch twice this week alone."

"It was hot!" Remus agreed as Virge bent over to get more paint on his brush, carefully holding onto the wall, "But that doesn't mean you can't be a damsel too! You're like Dick Grayson—perfectly capable of kicking ass, but also very much in need of some saving every so often! Plus I think you'd make those shorts look good! Almost as good as I'd look getting into them!" Virgil jolted away from Remus as he was getting up again and lost his balance.

It felt like forever, falling backwards with nothing to grab onto. He was sure the impact would be annoying, but not terrible. If he were any higher up his instincts could have easily taken over and he wouldn't land on his back. But that impact never came. Instead he landed in a pair of strong arms.

"I knew you'd fall for me and my feral mojo!" Remus giggled down at him. Virgil stared at him for a second before swiping his paintbrush over Remus' nose.

"Sure, Puppy, you tell yourself that," Virgil said with a smirk, "It's not at all because you had the audacity to call me Dick Grayson when I'm more of a Jason Todd."

"You're more of a hottie who needs to snuggle with me after that kind of fall!"

"You really need to consider just asking like a normal person," Virgil jeered and kissed his cheek.

"Why would you ever consider that? Boring! You need some excitement in your life and that's where I come in!"

"I thought you came in—"

"Dirty jokes are my job!"

"I thought you came in like Peter Parker on a wrecking ball. Chaotically trying to save me from every mild inconvenience," Virge reiterated and wrapped his arms around Remus' shoulders before kissing his cheek again. Remus was a happy boy.

And then...

It was just perfect! Remus was so excited to finally have a gift for Patton that he would like! He appeared in the common area in the kitchen, just out of sight of the duo watching Looney Toons. Patton and Virgil were in for a treat!

He set Fluffy on the floor and motioned towards the couch. The little thing sprinted off in a pale pink blur and Remus waited for the cooing and squealing from Patton.

His heart shattered when all he heard were horrified screams coming from the father figure. He sank out to his room and fought the urge to cry. Fluffy would be able to get back to the Imagination without him.

Virgil paused the show and watched Patton scoop up the hairless cat with tears in his eyes.

"Look Virgil!" he cheered and held up the cat like she was Simba, "A kitty I can pet!" Virgil blinked twice, confused as to how a cat found her way into the commons. That's when he spotted the green collar around her neck and the silver tag hanging from it.

"Can I keep her Virge?" Patton pleaded as Virgil checked the tag. He had a hunch that Fluffy was meant to be with Patton.

"You're asking me?" he jeered and got up, "Let's find the guy who made her and ask him. I'm pretty sure Remus set her loose to find you."

"Remus? He made this little angel?" Patton gasped and cuddled her to his chest. She purred and kneaded his hoodie, getting him to squeal again.

"I'll go get him, and let you two get to know each other," Virgil said with a half-smile. Patton beamed and him and sat on the couch, cuddling his new best friend. Virgil sank out before the cuteness became sickening.

But any mushy feelings faded when he appeared in Remus' room. Amid the weapon racks and canopic jars, Remus was curled up on his bed, hiding his head between his knees.

"Octopuppy?" Virgil asked softly and sat next to Remus. The duke looked up at him with his makeup running down his cheeks.

"Scare Bear?"

"What's wrong?" he asked and brushed a stray piece of hair from Remus' face. Remus shook his head and let out a ragged sigh.

"I can't make anything good."

"Your dog is not gonna be happy to hear that."

"She's a hellhound with three heads. She's not good or normal. But she's a good girl," Remus grumbled and wiped his eyes. He was not about to cry again. Virgil coaxed Remus into his lap and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

"What makes you think you can't make anything good?"

"I made a cat for Daddykins and I really tried to make her perfect for him. But he screamed at the sight of her. You know, you were there," he pouted and hid his face in Virgil's hoodie. Virgil pouted and held him closer.

"Can I show you something?" he whispered, "Something that can prove you can make something good."

Remus nodded and clung to Virgil as he stood. The emo cradled him to his chest and smiled down at him.

"Looks like you're my damsel this time," he teased and sank out, adoring the blush that crossed Remus' face.

They appeared in the common area kitchen to the sounds of giggles and cooing. Remus looked to Virgil for answers only to get a smirk in return.

"Hey Pat!" Virgil called out and carried Remus into the next room. Patton was curled up in his hoodie, using the string to play with Fluffy. Remus had never seen him so genuinely happy.

"Virge!" he cheered, only to coo at the sight of the gruesome twosome.

"I found Remus, so go ahead and ask."

"Remus, can I keep Fluffy? Please? I'll take good care of her! I promise!"

"I made her for you, so yeah, of course you can," Remus answered, completely stunned. Virgil knew that tone all too well. He had only a matter of seconds before a tsunami of feelings crashed over the duke. He would need cuddles.

"Thank you so much Remus!" Patton squealed and hugged Fluffy, "I'm gonna show her my room!" He sank out, leaving the pair to claim the couch.

"You good, Pup?" Virgil asked and hugged the duke, leaning into the cushions. Remus nodded and nuzzled into his chest.

"Good, because right now you're stuck cuddling with me until my legs fall asleep," Virgil mused and kissed his head. Remus shuddered and his breathing hitched.

"I did good," he whimpered, "I finally did a good and made a good thing."

"Finally? Remus, you make a good thing every day—you make me feel loved. You're my knight in slimy armor."

"That's just cuz I love you."

"I love you too, and I think it's only fair that I get to be your dark knight for a while. Because it's okay to need a little help, even if you don't think you deserve it."

"Who taught you that psychiatry crap?" Remus pouted and hid his face in Virgil's hoodie so no one would see him crying.

"You might know him, he's a wily little imp with a lot of passion, a flair for the dramatic, and macabre tastes. He's a handsome sweetheart and don't even get me started on his butt."

"He sounds like a pain in the neck!" Remus giggled.

"Only if he bites," Virgil snickered, "and he's my hero. So don't you dare try to talk shit about the Grand Duke of the Imagination."

Remus giggled and clung to him. He couldn't ask for a better boyfriend and he was pretty sure he didn't want to either.

[jonspurpleskirt]

Perks of Beholding

Summary: Jon gets distracted from paranoia by learning he can now understand animals. This somehow solves all their problems. Or: Jon turns into a Disney princess the fic.

No Warnings apply. It’s just fluff. Heavily inspired by this lovely TMA comic:  ___

It started with the Admiral. Jon was about to read the first statement his mysterious benefactor had sent when he heard a small "Jon!" from the kitchen. It had a strange, rumbling undertone to it and sounded as though a human was trying to imitate a cat.

Jon startled so hard at the unfamiliar voice that he send the papers he had in his hands flying. Instinctively grabbing the tape recorder he sprung up.

"Who's there!"

The Admiral came out of the kitchen, rubbing against the doorframe and purring. "Jon! It's time for a midday snack."

Jon blinked hard, wondering if he had lost his mind entirely, while a much louder voice was screeching in delight.

"Admiral! I can understand you!"

"Give me food Jon, I beg of you. I'm famished."

The Admiral jumped up on his lap, claws snagging on the worm hole riddled arm. It should have already been healed, but Jon continued picking on it.

"Ah..ha. Careful please. I'm damaged goods."

"My apologies. Now food and then cuddles? I crave attention."

Statement forgotten Jon spend the rest of the afternoon debating with Georgies cat about the pros and cons of feeding the Admiral without Georgies consent, sneaking snacks anyway and cuddling on the couch.

To say that Georgie was bemused when she got home was an understatement. "You can speak cat now. Are you shitting me?"

"No. It's amazing! Georgie this might be the only good thing to have happened to me in years!"

Georgie rolled his eyes, grinning. "Don't be so dramatic. So what? Are cats really planning to overthrow us lowly humans? What is he saying?"

"I'm pretty sure he wouldn't tell me if that was the case. Admiral is there anything you'd like to say to Georgie?"

The Admiral, who hadn't budged from Jons chest since after he had been fed was staring straight at him. "Tell her I love her."

Jon turned to Georgie with the most serious face she had ever seen on him. "He wants you to know that he loves you." He announced gravely. And then, after a short pause. "But he loves me more."

"I didn't say that."

"He didn't say that!"

"No, but I know."

The Admiral bit at his finger and then immediately licked the raw skin as an apology. "Unruly kitten."

"I'm not a kitten!"

"You know I'm not sure if the noises you make are cute or creepy."

~~~

His language comprehension skills didn't only focus on cat speak, Jon found out soon after. He had been brave enough to step out of Georgies flat to go for a quick walk (and buy some cat food that Georgie refused to get for the Admiral), when a voice from above cooed at him.

"So shiny!"

Jon froze at the croaky exclamation, scanning his environment and trying not to panic. There was no police nearby. Which was good. But also bad if this was going to turn out to be a robbery. There weren't any people around at all, actually. Jon had gone out at an ungodly hour as to avoid big crowds and thus being seen.

The only being he could make out was a crow perched atop a lantern, gazing down at him. Jon pointed at himself. "Are you speaking to me?"

The crow tilted its head. "It would seem so, human."

"Oh. What is it that you find so shiny?"

It considered his question for a moment, then flew down. Jon flinched when the bird landed on his shoulder, a sharp beak tapping the hair clasp Jon had used to keep his mess of a hair out of his face.

"This. I'd like to have it."

Jon itched to stroke the black feathers that caressed his cheek. A childish excitement that he hadn't felt since uni thrumming in his chest.

"You can have it. Just let me take it out first."

The crow hopped on his other shoulder, nibbling at his scarf while Jon gently untangled the clasp from his locks, careful not to jostle his new friend too much.

"There we go. Here."

"Thank you. This kindness will not be forgotten."

Jon watched the bird fly off with his possession and wished his human encounters could go so smoothly.

Word did get around fast that he was a friend of corvids and provider of shiny things. Wherever he went at least two or three crows or ravens would appear within minutes chatting him up. Most of his spare change went to them and soon he found himself buying little trinkets for them to carry off.

In the weeks that followed Jon got out more and more, keeping to parks at unreasonable hours, driven to converse with all kinds of wildlife. He hadn't touched most of the statements he had been send, too fixated on the new, harmless ability he had been granted. This had improved Georgies and his relationship immensely. She had been worried that he would obsess over who could have murdered Leitner. Him going out and talking to various animals might not have been any less strange, but at least it felt harmless enough to her that she left him to it, sometimes even tagging along.

Jon had always felt it easier to communicate with animals. And this didn't change with his new ability. Interactions were simple and their stories were interesting, with a perspective foreign enough to catch his interest. Animals viewed the world rather differently, had different priorities and had less behavioral rules that Jon could mess up.

And they weren't shy to seek out his touch once they got to know him. More often than not these days Georgie would find him with a squirrel draped around his neck, a bird pulling his hair or a cat in his arms. He had even tried to talk to some insects once, but told Georgie with a look of disappointment that they didn't have the mind for idle chatter.

Like humans not every animal was friendly or even a good conversationalist. There was a white and grey pigeon nesting close to Georgies flat, who made for dreadful smalltalk and couldn't hold a thought to save its life. And Clara the sparrow loved to spew a litany of curse words at him, because she found they sounded funny.

In the end, however, his curiousity to learn more about his abilities led him to check out more of the statements and eventually, try and contact Jude Perry. They met in a quaint little café, opting to sit outside because of Judes flamability and Jons want to have a better chance of escape should anything go wrong.

Jon didn't shake Judes hand when she first asked. But after her statement and her willingness to give him the contact of an acquaintance he felt he had to. He reached out to take her hand when a crow dived down and crashed between the two. The ball of black feathers shook itself and snapped sharply at Jons hand.

"What do you think you are doing you lanky idiot! Do you not have any instincts left in your body! What are you?! A fledgling? Shame on you! You nearly gave us a heart attack!"

"I'm sorry, but you really should fly away. Your feathers are beginning to sizzle- Ow!"

The crow had squawked at him in a rather unbecoming manner for such a lovely lady, but had heeded his warning and flown onto his shoulder, opting to snap at his ear and pull it to get him to leave the firey lady, cussing him out all the while.

"I get it, I get it! Please stop assaulting my ear."

"What."

Momentarily having forgotten his audience in order to get the furious crow out of his hair, Jon send Jude an apologetic smile.

"Sorry. Marah seems to be quite against me shaking your hand. Ow. Would you stop that I'm not doing anything!"

"You can speak with animals?" Not even Jude - I'll burn everything you love to the ground - Perry seemed to be immune to the craziness of the situation. Her grin had turned from feral to amused. The air around her had gotten colder as well.

"Ah, yes. Wasn't Gertrude also able to do so?"

Jon had finally been able to get Marah out of his hair and was cradling her against his chest, patting down her ruffled feathers and let her play with the shiny decorative coins that hung from his scarf.

"I don't think I've ever seen her doing that. But then everyone Becomes differently."

"Becomes? Ah... right sorry, no further questions. I... I guess I've always had more interest in animals then humans. Could that... I mean that could be the reason."

"Could." She echoed him, eyes fixed on the crow nestled in his arms.

A flutter of wings made both of them look up and startle at the sight of dozens of black birds perched along the roofs staring down at them.

"Did you call them?" She hissed.

"No. It's not like I can control them. I occasionally give them stuff? And they make great conversation partners. I guess they're just pretty protective of me?"

"Fledgling." Marah huffed, winding one of his long locks around her beak and tugging.

"Ow. They call me fledgling for some reason."

Jude snorted into her boiling coffee. "Yeah that checks out." Her gaze skimmed the dark wall of feathers above them. People around them had become uncomfortable as well, hurrying to get out of the area. The waiter was giving them nervous glances, too.

"If it would ease your mind I doubt they'll try to attack you if you play nice?"

"You sound awfully unsure of that."

Jon shrugged as best as he could without jostling Marah too much. "I'm still not sure how all of this works. That's why I'm looking for other avatars."

Jude shook her head and laughed. "A Watcher not Knowing something. The world never ceases to surprise me." She took out her phone, which had a cracked display, the plastic scorched where her fingers touched, but miraculously was still functioning. "Give me your number I'll forward you some of my contacts."

"Thank you!"

"Don't. You'll pay me in cute pet pictures. Once weekly."

Jon smiled, that sounded like a much better price to pay than a scorched hand. "I'll do that. Any favourites?"

"Owls." Jude said without hesitation, then blinked and scowled at him. "You'll have to get a grip on that if you don't want Mike to throw you out the window."

"I'm sorry. I really don't mean to do... whatever I'm doing."

"Watch your wording then. Don't ask questions or whatever."

Jon sighed, holding out his phone for her to copy his number. "Right."

He bought Marah her favourite pastry as a thank you for saving him and promised to get her that pretty ring she had seen. It was quite expensive, but Jon thought it was worth it.

~~~

Jon was a bundle of frayed nerves when he went to visit Mike Crew. They had written back and forth a bit over the days and no matter how much Jon tried to coax Mike into meeting him somewhere more open the Avatar of the Vast never budged.

So here he was, sans crow support, knocking on the door of a serial killer. The young man that welcomed him in was only shorter than him by maybe an inch or two. He had donned a fake smile and was asking if he wanted some tea.

Jon didn't. He had a set of questions, hungered for Mikes statement. But Judes warning stopped him from immediately going for it. Drinking bland tea he didn't want was probably the better alternative to being thrown out a window. Not that that was still a very real possibility afterwards.

"I'd love to. Thank you."

Mike seemed surprised that he had taken him up on the offer. "Huh. Well then. Come in. I only have Lavender and Peppermint, any preferences?"

Jon tried to distract himself from the very obvious scar on Mikes neck by taking in the spacious flat he had just entered. "Peppermint sounds nice."

"Peppermint it is, then."

Jon trailed after him into the kitchen, a bit lost on what the etiquette was when being a first time guest. Was he supposed to wait somewhere? Go to the couch? Was he even allowed to take a seat before being told?

At least he had gotten better at small talk. True Mike Crew wasn't an animal, but Jon had found out that being nice was actually well received by humans and avatars alike. (What a shocker.)

"You have a lovely apartment."

Mike shot him what looked like a genuine grin. "Thank you! A gift from Simon. He's taking good care of all the new Vast avatars. Tends to try and adopt them, but I quite like my autonomy and the family parties he throws are dreadful."

Jon couldn't help but pout. The terminology didn't confuse him as much anymore. Jude had deigned to explain that to him via text, with a lot of gloating and bad puns. "I wish the Eye would be so welcoming. I swear for an entity that's all about knowing it doesn't tell me shit."

"Tough. You sure you work for the Eye and not the Web? Here. Come on don't just stand there like a bean pole the couch is a perfectly good place to sit."

"Good lord I hope so. I hate spiders."

"Cheers to that."

Not asking questions was hard. Jon was an impatient man, endlessly curious. And something within him craved Mikes statement. He opted to be honest with Mike about that, telling him without turning it into a burning question and the Avatar nodded in understanding.

"Alright I'll tell you my story then. Because you were nice enough not to ask and we short people should work together."

Jon hadn't been prepared for the sad tale that had been Mikes life. It seemed that he had only been able to somewhat settle down in the last few years. Being on the run for so long, Jon could only imagine what it did to a persons mind. He was only being wanted for murder for a bit now and the stress and paranoia was already killing him.

"Huh." Mike blinked when he was done, tea gone cold in his hands. "That was actually pretty therapeutic. I'm not opposed to doing this again."

They talked idly for a while after, Mike far less aggressive in his attitude than Jude, although he did lightly threaten him once or twice and gave him a horrible case of vertigo when Jon accidently insulted his taste in books.

Their conversation was interrupted by a knock on the door and Mikes eyes narrowed. "I thought we agreed you'd come alone."

"I did." Jon defended himself, fear easily flooding back into his body.

They both stood and carefully inched towards the door. Just as Mike was about to open it, mouth already open to scold whoever had dared to interrupt him, a chorus of loud hisses, meows and a surprised shout made them freeze.

"Jon! A Hunter is here! We've got her handled. Run!"

Not thinking Jon snatched Mikes wrist and pulled him away from the entrance to the flat. The floor underneath him seemed to give way, but Mike at least hadn't fully thrown him into his domain. He dragged them both deeper into the flat. "Shit that's Tonner."

"Who?"

"The police. I ah... might be wanted for murder at the moment. I thought I've been descreet enough. But apparently not. Sorry."

He didn't like that Mikes eyes gleamed with a newfound respect after hearing that. "Oh yeah. I forgot that murder was illegal for a moment. Who did you kill?"

"I didn't." Jon scowled. "I was framed. It was Jurgen Leitner."

"Leitner?!"

"Hmhm. Turns out he was hiding below the institute the whole time. Honestly he was a rather pathetic old man."

Mike tsked. "Good riddance."

"Quite."

Mike eyed the window as the cursing from outside continued. They both flinched when there was a gunshot. Jon lurched forward, running towards the sound, only to be harshly janked back with surprising force. "What the fuck are you doing?!"

"She's shooting the cats! I need to save them!" There might have been a bit of static in his voice, fueled by the panic.

An inhuman growl came from outside and a layered voice shouting "Stay back!".

"That's a Hunter out there!"

Jon only let out a pathetic whine. His cats. He couldn't leave his cats! But the arm around his waist didn't let him go. Mike cursed behind him.

"You're crazy. And weird. You owe me for this."

"I can pay in cute animal pictures."

Mike snorted and let Jon go, leaving him to open the door. As soon as Daisy was in sight there was a loud Pop and a yelp, then she was gone. Jon knelt down in the mass of hissing fur, hands stroking over every body he could find, frantically looking for injuries on any of his babies. They came to him immediately, butting against his hands, chanting "Jon!" and started to purr up a storm.

"I think she just fired a warning shot." Mike mused, pointing towards the ceiling.

Jon heaved a huge sigh. "Oh thank god."

Mike tilted his head at the strange display before him. "Are those free of fleas?"

"Of course! They all are perfectly well behaved, clean angels."

Mike rolled his eyes. "Cool. They can come in then. I'm sure they just saved both of our lifes. Might as well reward them a bit."

And that was how Jon joined an impromptu sleepover at a supernatural serial killers flat, drowned in cats and delightfully tipsy, because Mike insisted on drinking to not dying.

The next morning greeted them with more knocking, which was nearly drowned out by the screams of the cats begging for food. Mike shot him a tired look.

"I deal with the cats. You open the door. You only presumably killed one guy. I'm sure they won't shoot you on sight."

Jon really didn't think that logic was sound, but decided against arguing with Mike, who turned out to not be a morning person at all. Some of the cats came with him as he greeted Basira, who frowned at his entourage.

"I didn't know Mike Crew was secretly a cat lady."

"Ah no, that would be me."

"Right. That sounds more believable. I just came by to let you know that you're in the clear. Elias Bouchard is the murderer. We have evidence now."

"Cool." Came the nonplussed reply from behind Jon.

Both avatars (could Jon count himself as an avatar at this point?) stared the police woman down. Jon unsure how to either continue or end the conversation and Mike probably trying to glare her to death. By the looks of it Basira had suddenly developed a very bad case of vertigo.

She stood her ground, though, clearing her throat and staring right back. "Would you know where Daisy is? She came her to investigate yesterday and I didn't hear from her since."

Mike giggled, Jon sighed and the cats purred in triumph, looking smug. This did not reassure Basira in the slightest.

"Your feral mutt was making a racket outside my flat, Officer."

"She was shooting at the cats." Jon was still upset about that, bending down to cradle one of them against his chest. The good boy immediately began licking his chin to soothe him.

Basira just about held herself back from snarling at them, keeping her cold, professional mask in place. "And where is she now?"

Jon glanced over to Mike in question. The Avatar of the Vast grinned. "Enjoying a long skydiving trip!"

"I'd like to have her back, please. We'll need her to confront Elias."

"We?"

Basira shot him a glare. "Yes." There was no room for arguement there.

Jons shoulders slumped and Mike patted his head in faux sympathy. There was a scream from outside.

"There. Done. See you around Archivist. Send pictures not Cops."

"If I survive this." Jon grumbled, the cats trailing behind him as he left with officer Hussain.

Daisy met them halfway down the stairs and nearly lunged at Jon. Basira took the whole car ride to calm her down. A task that was made even harder by Jon, who was unconsciously bristling with static, still very much furious about Daisy trying to harm his babies. No matter how many times either of the women explained that they would never and that Daisy hadn't aimed at any of them, Jon could not be calmed. This was the only reason why Basira allowed him to take a huge orange tabby into the car.

Really.

[shadowturtlesstuff]

One of us

so i did a thing, you know when i said i was writing cardan listning to hamilton...well here it is

also thanks to @fangirling-again for editing and helping me with this crazy fic.

Judes' voice was a little sore but she couldn't be happier. Cardan and herself had decided to spend the weekend in the mortal world with her sister Vivi. They'd spent most of the day wandering around her small hometown, she began just shopping but as soon as Cardan saw the castle he insisted they go inside. So they'd spent a few hours wandering the castle, Jude going through the different time phases throughout history and what the town itself used to be. After that they'd gotten ice scream and met up with her sisters; Oak, Heather and Taryns' son. They'd gotten to Vivi and Heather's new apartment and had dinner, and were currently all surrounding the TV. Jude had her nephew on her lap, Cardan next to her stealing kisses every now and then. Oak was to her left. Vivi and Heather shared a chair and taryn sat on the floor by Oak. Locke refused to come to the mortal world which was fine with all of them. It was much more enjoyable than if he was here. Cardan was messing with her hair as they all sat watching Hamilton.

They'd all fallen into roles quickly, singing along through act 1. It had recently come out on Disney plus, which Vivi had gotten immediately. Apparently Heather had introduced her to the musical and Vivi had shown Jude and Taryn weeks ago and she was addicted to it. She didn't usually sing back in Elfhame or even have a device to play music. Yet she brought a phone just for this. Cardan often found her singing to herself when she was doing paperwork, he didn't join in ever, she didn't even know if he could sing, but he always wore a soft smile that made her heart nearly burst. It was weird, being with Cardan, but her favourite moments were the small ones where she was able to show just how mortal she was and he still smiled at her. Still loved her. It baffled her. 

They were on act 2 now, Judes voice hurt slightly but she was having so much fun. It was nice not to worry about anything other than the words and the four year old on her lap. Cardan hadn't spoken the entire time, content watching the chaos of her family. Currently Taryn was Burr, singing the 'Room Where It Happened'. Which was one of Jude’s favorites, she understood the need to be there where power was, where people make decisions on how the country was controlled. Although her favorite was probably the 'Schuyler Sisters' because it reminded her of a time when the three of them were carefree, wondering what life would be for them. None of them would've guessed anything like this and yet even though she had lost so much she was still grateful. Taryn's son was in and out of sleep because it was nearly midnight, but the four year old still danced along with her whenever she sang. Her nephew was adorable, with black hair and a cunningly cute smile. Thankfully he looked more like Taryn than Locke, but you would still be able to tell he was the father. She loved him and spent as much time as she could with him, even if that wasn't much. Taryn didn't visit the palace much, claiming she was too tired or whatever nonsense Locke wanted her to say. She was surprised when she agreed to join them tonight but Jude guessed she needed a proper break even if her child was still with her. Cardan was good with him too, holding him whenever they saw him and making the child smile widely and giggle as he pulled faces and cooed at him. Both of them feared being parents, they were sure the other would be perfect but always doubted themselves, they had spoken about it a few times but never decided, they were in no rush to produce an heir, and they still had to both fear being a parent less. 

Jude rested her head on Cardans' shoulder and smiled, watching her sisters sing. She had parts coming up soon but as of right now she wanted her husband's shoulder to be a pillow. Admittedly she was tired, they walked a lot today, yesterday had been meeting after meeting. How Oak was still wide awake was a mystery, although he was still a kid she supposed. ‘Why ‘Why don't the fae do this?’ She heard cardan whisper to her. 

‘What do you mean?’

‘This,’ he said gesturing to her sisters singing, ‘being together singing without instruments or a revel or anything. If any fae saw this they'd be completely baffled.  It's all so weird.’

Panic swelled in her, she hadn't asked Cardan if he wanted to watch this or even stay with Vivi tonight, they could've gone to a hotel, which perhaps would have been weirder for Cardan. ‘Are you not enjoying this? We can-’

He chuckled lightly, ‘I am enjoying his immensely my love, I especially love seeing you smile as you sing.’ He tells her and places a kiss on her head. This moment, anything like this made all the pain she'd ever faced worth it. She smiled at her husband.

‘I hope you know that you'll be one of us soon. You'll have heard it so much you'll know all the words.’

‘I expect nothing less, my wicked thing.’

‘Hey lovebirds!’ Oak shouted at them, snapping them out of their bubble via popcorn. Jude scowled whilst everyone else laughed, Cardan included. She felt her nephew stirring and threw popcorn back at Oak, she'd only just settled him. 

‘You little brat.’She said, to him but he only pulled a stupid face and pointed to the screen where Washington was standing proudly sayong goodbye to his nation. She missed most of her song due to getting lost in Cardans' warm embrace and kind words. However she quickly caught onto the part of the song and began, promising to once again do the king song. 

*****

Jude had been standing outside her room for at least five minutes. She'd been in a rush to get some documents but as soon as she heard Cardans' voice she stopped in her tracks, her head against the door and waited. She'd caught Cardan singing Hamilton, right at the end of 'Winter's Ball', which meant 'Helpless' was next and never in a million years could she ever imagine her husband singing that. Yet she heard him be Eliza Hamilton. He was a damn good Eliza too. He even was Angelica and Alexander. 

‘‘Two weeks later in the living room stressin’ my father stone-faced whilst your asking for his blessin’.’’

It was at that point Jude slowly opened the door; revealing a spinning Cardan. His hands in the air as if he was dancing with someone. She stepped further into the room, seeing that he had stolen her phone and had earphones in, papers and ink were left discarded on the desk and the chair was on the floor as if he'd flung it back in his rush to dance. His eyes were closed and he was completely lost in the moment. Jude was trying really hard not to laugh and wishing she had an extra phone to record this.

‘Then he shakes your hand and says be true, then you look back to me and suddenly i'm helpe-’

Just as he was about to sing ‘helpless’ at the top of his lungs he bumped into Jude, knocking her slightly and going completely still. They stared at each other, Cardan looking as if he'd seen a ghost and Jude looking like a child in school holding back a laugh. She relented and began laughing and Cardan started scowling at her. It only made her laugh harder. 

‘What, my sweet villain, is so funny about me singing? It was you who told me I'd sing it at some point-was it not?’

‘Yeah,’ Jude wheezed trying to stop laughing, ‘but I didn't expect this.’ She gestured to where he had been dancing, the chair and him in general. 

‘Jude what are you even doing back so soon?’ He asked, racking a hand through his hair. Clearly he hadn't been expecting anyone, least of all Jude, to walk in on him.

She composed herself enough to answer, not looking at him in fear of laughing again. ‘I'm just getting some papers for a meeting.’

‘Well, I-. See jude.’ Cardan began at a loss for words. Never, in all her time knowing Cardan, in being married to him, had he been stumped for words. It was perhaps funnier than watching him dance. Jude placed her hand on her mouth to hide her smile and faced her husband. She could see the embarrassment in his eyes and felt bad for laughing even if it was hilarious. 

‘Cardan,’ Jude said as she took his hands in hers, ‘my love look at me.’ Reluctantly he looked at her and it took every ounce of self control not to laugh again. ‘I am not laughing at your singing talent, I'm laughing because I've just walked in on my husband dancing alone singing a mortal song.’ She explained to him, kissing his nose and smiling. He had a small smile playing at his lips. ‘Your really good at singing.’ She moves her hand up his arms, rubbing them gently to show how sorry she is for laughing. He takes ahold of her waist and presses his lips to hers. She smiles into the kiss and feels him do the same. She pulls back and looks at her husband before whispering softly: 

‘Boy, you got me helpless.’

@yafa-towers @fangirling-again @goatahoan @jurdan7 @illyrianwitchling13 @yafandomsdotnet

again let me know if you do or dont want to be tagged

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #357

“your magic white rabbit has left its writing on the wall  /  we follow like alice, and just keep diving down the hole”

Are you better at telling stories or writing them? Writing, by a long shot. What’s one song you hate, but know every word to? i'm a barbie girl in a fckn barbie woooooorld What’s your favorite magazine? I don’t read magazines. If you could be an animal for one day, which animal would you choose? Probably a house cat. Be indoors and safe, able to just nap... lol. But I'd want another cat as a friend, too! Do you prefer outdoor or indoor concerts/events? Indoors, by a mile. I get hot outside way too easily. Do you know if you were a planned child? I don't know. What’s your favorite gem? Dragon's breath opal. As an adult, do you want to live in an apartment or a house? I'd like to live in a house, especially with the pets I want. I doubt many apartment complexes would allow multiple reptiles and inverts. Do you like the stem or leafy part of the broccoli? It doesn't matter much to me, but I prefer the stem. The texture is more likeable to me. Do bats frighten you? No, I adore bats! Does Paris appeal to you? Yeah, it's a pretty place. Are you a KPOP fan? No, I've never really checked it out. How long was your longest relationship? Over three and a half years. First time you kissed the last person you kissed? We were outside roasting marshmallows one night. Do you have to really know someone to kiss them? Absolutely. I don't dish 'em out for nothing. Were you anyone’s first kiss? No. If you had to be named after one of the 50 states of America, what state would you WANT to be named after? I actually think "Nevada" would be kinda pretty as a name? Do you think morals are universal or relative to the beliefs, traditions, or practices of individuals or groups? I've wondered this for a long while, really. I lean towards it being a mix, maybe? But more towards universal, I think... with some exceptions. This answer is all over the place, I honestly don't know. Is torture ever a good option? If no, why not? If yes, when? No? I think the "why not" is obvious... You just don't. What do you think is one one of the most undervalued professions right now? Teachers, garbagemen, retail and food workers... There's a lot. Have you ever seen anyone have a heart attack? Thank Christ no. Have you personalized your answering machine/voicemail? No. Have you ever had Fiji brand water? I actually don't believe I have, though it's always looked appealing to me, haha. What’s your favorite horror movie? The Crazies and the first Silent Hill, as well as both Blair Witch Projects. What was the worst thing a friend has either done or said to you? I'd rather not even think about things the bitch said to me. Are you biracial? No. When was the last time you got mad and broke something? I've never broken something when mad. What color dress did you wear to prom? My first was maroon, second one was black. Who is the cutest baby you know? My friend has a daughter named Scarlett who is absolutely gorgeous. Have you ever thrown a rock at a window? No, because I respect people's fucking property. Has anyone ever thrown a rock at your window? No. Does your hair react well to dye, or does it damage it? It likes to not take dye at all. >.> I have only had one instance where a friend dyed it red and it stuck for months and months, but we kept it in for a couple hours, I think. My normal hairdresser says it's because my hair is really healthy and I guess rejects it. What kind of pet do you wish you had? I ramble plenty about how I want tarantulas and more reptiles, haha. I also DESPERATELY want to rescue or foster an opossum. When was the last time you were diagnosed with something? Are you concerned about anything regarding your physical or mental health at the moment? I haven't been diagnosed with anything in quite some time, I believe, but as I'm going through the process of being approved for TMS therapy for my depression, my bipolar diagnosis is being questioned, which is... strange to me. It's been acknowledged by many a doctor that I have bipolar 2, but if insurance recognizes my primary diagnosis as bipolar, they won't cover TMS because it can massively excite the mania portion of bipolarity, and therefore I can't do it because we can't manually afford it. I'm willing to take the risk by far, as I've never had issues with mania, but I can't without insurance. I'm just waiting to hear back from them... What is one blanket judgment you tend to make about people (like, you judge all people who live at home, all people who drink, etc)? Does this judgment come from a particular personal experience? I really don't know. How do you react to other people yelling or slamming doors? Is this something you ever do too? I get very scared if it's a man. I don't like anyone doing it, and my anxiety will spike regardless, I'm just terrified of angry men. Have you ever lost your cool at work or somewhere else important? What happened as a result? No. Who has the power to break you? Jason still might. I don't know. Is anyone in your family blind? My sister is legally blind in one eye. Do you believe in evolution? Yeah. I do find the concept odd, that ALL LIFE originated from one thing, but I sure ain't got a better explanation, so. What job do you think people should be paid the most for? Surgeons, maybe? I dunno, that's a big question. Were you ever held back a year in school? Did you ever skip a grade? No. Have you ever been given a hickey? Have you given one? Yeah to both. What is your least favourite thing about your full name? I have the most basic white bitch middle name in the world, lol. Do you like the age you are? Eh, I don't mind it much, but I think it'd be better to be in my early 20s versus mid 20s. I'm just always so tired now. I can't believe I used to refuse to go to sleep before 10:30. What’s your favourite kind of poptart? The chocolate sundae one. If you had to eat one type (Chinese, etc.) of food which would it be? American bc I'm not very adventurous with food at all. When did your family immigrate to wherever you live now? *shrug* Are your fingers long, or short? Long. Mom's always said I have "piano fingers." Do you play Pokemon Go? If so, what level are you and who’s your buddy? Yeah, I love it, but don't play it nearly as much as I want because I don't exactly go anywhere, lol. My bud's Charmeleon, and I'm probably like five EXP from level 28. Do you ever sit indoors and wear sunglasses or a hat? I don't own either, so. Do you know how to read animals’ behavior? I honestly think I'm very good at it. Do you like playing video games? If so, what do you usually play? Yes, but not as much as I used to. All I really play nowadays is World of Warcraft. The only working console I have is a PS2, and I haven't bought a new game in probably a couple years, but there are definitely ones I want to play, mainly on PS4. Just can't afford it right now. Have you ever viewed the moon through a telescope? No. Do you know how to properly eat food with chopsticks? No. There's no way I could, given my tremors. Do you prefer reading books, comic books, manga/graphic novels, magazines, or the newspaper? Books. When is the last time you ate donuts? It's been months, man. I've seriously been craving a glazed one, though. Krispy Kreme sounds amaaaaaziiiiiing. Has anyone ever called you sexy? Somehow. Do you like raisins? NO NO NO NO NO. Have you ever overheard a conversation you weren’t supposed to? More than once. Do you like ants? They're genuinely extremely fascinating animals, but they're seriously annoying nevertheless. Did you like the movie Antz? I loved it as a kid. What was your favorite ice cream flavor when you were little? Chocolate. Is it still your favorite? Eh, depends on the day. By the way, what is your name? Brittany. What time zone do you live in? EST. Do you like cats? I love cats. What’s the most creepy experience you’ve ever had? One night when my mom and sister were at the beach for a dance competition, I was having trouble sleeping, and it only got worse when my dog Teddy started freaking the fuck out, barking loudly and staring intently at the foot of the bed. I was so scared that I tried to force his head to lie down, but he fought against me. I was terrified, but got up out of the bed and went into the living room to call my mom at like 3 in the damn morning, and she had to have our neighbor come over to sleep in the house with me (I was in a different room that night). You can't convince me that there wasn't paranormal shit going on. I think the house was haunted honestly, for multiple reasons. What’s the most boring game to exist? Why do you dislike it so much? Hm, I dunno. What’s the coolest place that you've ever been to? What’d you do there? Disney World was very memorable as a kid. We just went around collecting signatures, going on rides, all that fun stuff. I'll never forget fireworks at the castle. If you’re interested in having a long-term relationship with someone, do you think that waiting a certain amount of time before you first have sex is a good idea? Or does it not matter? I think it's a good idea, personally, mostly for the sake of reducing the spread of STDs. Just because you think you'll be long-term, doesn't mean you will be. Besides that, isn't there a science that sex and feelings of love are connected? Like, sex is impossible without at least some underlying emotions? I might be entirely wrong, in which case forgive me for spreading misinformation, but if that's so and things don't go as planned, you've gotten emotionally invested in someone too early and wind up getting hurt. You do you, I just don't think it's smart. Have you ever discovered something big by looking through someone’s phone, Facebook, email, etc.? No. Have you kept anything from your past relationships? (Things they left at your house, gifts, notes, etc) Do you think that’s a big deal for future relationships or not? Yeah, like plushies and little stuff like that. When it's tiny things like I just mentioned, I really don't think it matters. I think some things might be questionable to keep, but at the same time, I don't think it's really wrong to keep memories of a happy time, if the thing still brings you joy and has been emotionally disconnected from the ex? Idk. Do you have any financial regrets? Either way, what’s an example of a GOOD financial decision you’ve made? Going to and dropping out of college three fucking times. I don't know about a good financial decision seeing as I'm not even in charge of my own finances, nor really have any to begin with. Are you a believer in “signs” from the Universe about things in your life? If you are, can you think of a particular example? No. Name some things that one or both of your parents are really good at or really interested in. Mom LOVES medical stuff, like watching surgeries and stuff like that. She is also absolutely incredible with children. Dad likes sports a lot, hockey and football especially. Think of a good friend of the opposite sex (currently or in the past). Have you ever had any sort of “more than a friend” or sexual thoughts about them? If not, can you explain why? Well, we dated briefly, so... It was awkward to, but I let myself imagine sexual situations a few times to help myself understand if I really did like-like him, or if he was truly just a brother to me. Turns out, he's a bro. If someone told you that you would never achieve something and you ended up doing it, would you have any interest in finding that person and showing them? I'ma be honest, yes. I wouldn't actively seek them out, but rather just hope they somehow find out or I run into them or something. What is the most jealousy-induced thing you’ve ever done? Apparently, be the girl Juan liked instead of this girl that literally threatened to deck me. Guess what? We're friends now lmaoooo.

[fuzziekins]

i usually don’t post about my own work because i never think much of it. Even now i feel conflicted about sharing this because i have my own personal and intrusive feelings involving this story. But part of me feels like it should still be shared on some level because it’s not just about working as a cashier, but working as a cashier in the middle of a pandemic. Even though the characters are fictional, the retail stories they go through are very real, directly taken from the ones i have experienced as a cashier. If anyone else does read this, if there’s remotely anyone can possibly take away from this story at any point at all with it, it’s to just please think. Think before you snap at a retail worker. Think before you cause a scene. Think before you do something, like leaving a yogurt by the potato chips. Think before you complain or ask about every little thing. We see and deal with a lot of crap on the job all while dealing with our own crap. It’s hard and sometimes it can be downright abusive. But we try. We do our jobs. And it’s a lot. So please try with us, too. [More under the cut, but it’s primarily personal and also A LOT.]

Frozen 2 has absolutely been the thing helping me through this pandemic. When my store closed early for limited hours i’d be playing the soundtrack on Spotify. Before eventually falling asleep after shifts ending at midnight i’d always listen to a Frozen song on my iPod because after crazy shifts, crazier than usual retail stories, and a hell of a lot of food to either put back on the shelves or discard completely, Frozen helped put me in a slightly better mood before falling asleep. In a time of so much confusion and fear and uncertainty, it’s difficult to find the positivity in everything. Even though i do try to go into work and leave my problems at the door, the Frozen franchise was definitely a light for me. It helped to imagine some of the characters - even other Disney characters like i included in the story - go through similar things i was and wonder how they would handle everything. It started with just a thought: would Elsa sing if she was working this job, too? Would anyone actually hear her? And cue the slow burn between Elsa and Honeymaren. But it’s more than just that.

i am so fortunate to have a great relationship with a lot of my coworkers. We get along; we ask each other how we’re doing; we make conversation when it’s slow; we talk about our lives. It helped me to just be able to go through this with these people. It helped that, yeah i was still getting out even during quarantine and seeing these same people WAY more than usual (and it was already a lot!), but for us to just all have this understanding of each other and for us to be able to support each other. And that was something i wanted to focus on here. A positive working relationship between Elsa, Maren, Nani, Snow (White), and (Cinder)Ella. These very different people being thrown together a hell of a lot more than usual and spending more time together and in their store than with their own families in their own homes. Yeah, they can get on each others’ nerves sometimes. They can drive each other crazy. But they’re ultimately there for and support each other. And i know every job, retail or not, can’t be like that. But sometimes we do spend so much time at work that it not only becomes home but the people we work with become a family. (Although a very dysfunctional one!) That’s something that’s been essential to me as an essential worker and a small piece of the inspiration behind the story.

To have been writing this throughout the pandemic, drawing from my own experiences and stories as a cashier, seeing peoples’ reactions and to have been given the encouragement and support by them has just been mind blowing. i say that i started this as a joke, because i deal with so many unbelievable stories on a daily basis at work that i should really write a retail story. And...this is it. For people to have told me that this helped them with something in the store (chip malfunctions at the pin pad, anyone?) or to see how horrible some customers can actually be, to just read peoples’ reactions at the cruelty of others, while others to their customer service jobs of the past and bringing back memories for them? i did not expect the support, comfort, or acceptance that i received from this. And i did not expect people to just so readily accept the story as a legit Frozen fanfiction.

What blew my mind even more, in the best possible way, was the reaction to how i wrote Elsa. [Minor spoiler here, but not really because it is a tag.] i know this is not the first story to write her as asexual. i know it won’t be the last. And how many of us read Elsa as a queer icon in general? Writing Elsa’s coming out scene to one of her coworkers as an asexual lesbian was directly inspired by an instance where i came out as asexual to one of my coworkers. It was one of the first chapters i wrote long before i knew anything about this story; where it was going to go; how exactly i would write it; or anything that would happen. i just knew that if i was going to write a retail story, that specific story had to be a part of it. To read the reactions of other a-specs reading this and see how seen and represented and validated they feel, to know that while Elsa’s journey may not exactly be theirs nor is it my own there’s still so much relatability, to have the reminder that as many times as i feel like i’m the only ace person i know (even though that was not totally true and it’s absolutely not true now) there are other people out there and that a lot of the things i touched on in the narrative hit so close to home for them.... It’s just been an honor. And that’s something that, when i question what the hell i’m doing or my capabilities as a writer/creative person, i try to think about that. And remind myself that this was something i was able to do and it means so much to the a-specs who read it. And it was something that made me feel apart of something really special; not just the queer community, but also the Frozen fandom.

i have a lot of conflicted feelings with finally finishing this story. And i think a lot of them are because as i finished writing this while also going through multiple edits and rewrites, i was dealing with things in my personal life that took my head out of the story. And while dealing with the craziness at work as usual around Thanksgiving that was only heightened by the still-confusion and uncertainty of the pandemic, though it should have given me so much more material to one day work with, it really just drained me. And part of me still doesn’t feel like i even wrote something worthwhile, let alone something good. i deal with self-confidence issues and intrusive thoughts along with semi-newly-discovered anxiety; and those have no doubt played a part in my own comments on the story as well as some extra self-projection (as if there wasn’t enough of that between the job, the customer stories, and the chocolate addiction but that’s besides the point). But i’m still trying to remind myself of the good that has come from this story. And i want the good of what everyone else has seen in this to far overpower whatever i think about it. As much as a major takeaway i’d like for the story to be to have a better understanding of retail workers, what we’re going through at work and potentially in our lives, and to just think, there are two other things i’d like to stay with people. •In regards to, yes, primarily a-specs, but also to the queer community in general, there is nothing wrong with you. You’re not broken. It takes a lot of time, patience, and understanding to accept yourself. And that’s ok. You will find the label(s) and meanings that work for you. Everyone relates to their orientation differently; but there’s no wrong way. Sometimes it’s hella hard to accept that part of you, regardless of what it is. Unfortunately, yes, there will be people that don’t believe you. But there are also people around you who will accept and love you exactly for who you are. They do it with Elsa in this story; people in real life can do it, too. It just takes a while to find them. You mean something to people and you are absolutely worth it. •One of the best things about creating anything is to take people away. To distract them from the real world for a while. To make them forget about their problems. To make them feel something. To see things through another’s eyes. To experience something. To give them something to enjoy. For all the craziness that i may call my story, it’s still something that’s brought people so much joy. To give them that happiness, to make them feel, to take them away to another world (even if it’s just a fictional modern AU with a couple of useless lesbians/bis/queers). That’s what i want this story to do. That’s what, selfishly, i’d want anything i could ever create to do. No matter what i think, it’s the people who enjoy it that matter. And they are absolutely the motivation behind all of this.

This story has been my outlet through this entire mess of the world. It’s been my outlet, a soapboax, and an escape. Because seeing Frozen 2 just before the pandemic hit, becoming so lost in it, loving so much about the story and the characters and the world, gave me more inspiration to be creative when it’s something i’ve personally struggled on and off with for the past five years. Being immersed in the world of the Frozen franchise is the closest i’ve felt to being happy in years. And i’m so thankful to Disney and the creators of Frozen, Jennifer Lee and Chris Buck, for giving us so much to work with. From the world itself to the relatable characters in Elsa and Anna to the friendships they created to just the pure inspiration that comes from them. And how they can make so many people from so far away feel so close together. And i’m more than grateful to everyone who’s read this story from the beginning, who saw something in it - who saw something in me - and have been the motivation to keep going with it. It’s been absolutely incredible to write for everyone and i hope i get to write more. Please consider this my way of saying thank you to everyone and know how much all of this has meant to me. And thank you so, so much for reading.

[needscaffeine]

What if like,,,,, Roman's gonna propose to Deceit but starts to doubt self so Remus helps him get over /most/ of his fears about what could go wrong the best he can. Like just Roceit fluff basically with supportive Creativitwins(for the prompts, you really don't need to do any of this if you'd rather not! Or if my thought process is too weird to understand- have a wonderful day/night!! ❤💛

Your thought process is amazing and I hope you're having a good day/night also. (Sorry this took so long)

-----------------

Roman was a man of pride. But sometimes that pride didn't matter and you need to rant to your twin and have him help you through a panic attack. And that's exactly what he was doing at the moment.

He was pacing the living room of Remus' apartment as he vented.

"It's just like, what if he does say no? I'll look like an idiot and I'll be heart broken. I'm not sure it's worth it. My wallet really didn't think it was worth it. By the way, why do rings even cost so much? I mean seriously you go in asking for a custom ring and you get charged more than you make times five. Oh. My. Zues. If he says no what am I going to do with the ring? I could pawn it but I won't get the same amount of money. And I'm not sure I'd want to pawn it. I don't want to do anything with it besides slide it onto his finger after he says yes, but what if he doesn't say yes?!"

"Dude, if you don't calm down I'm going to smack you", Remus stood up from where he was laying on the couch, watching his brother pace.

"But-", Roman tried to say but his brother stuck his, probably dirty, hand on his mouth.

"But nothing. He's going to say yes. Because you two are gross and in love. It's disgusting to watch and that makes me certain that he'll say yes. Also it's not like you haven't talked to him about it before, right?", He removed his hand.

"Of course we've talked about it. And he's always said that he wants to get married and that he wants it to be me but that doesn't mean anything. What if now isn't the right time? What if he's changed his mind? What if-"

"Roman, shut up. You're working yourself into a panic. Sit down. I'll be right back", Remus said, pointing to the couch. After Roman sat down he made his way to his room, where his phone was because he forgot to charge it. He dialed a number and waited for an answer.

--

Roman looked toward the room where his brother had disappeared. He wasn't panicking. It was more like freaking out because this could be the worst idea of his life but it could also be the best and he really wanted it to be the best. He also really wanted his brain to shut up before he sticks a sword through his ears.

Unfortunately his train of thought continued until Remus came back.

"Okay, so I called Logan and he says that one, you need to chill out because it'll be fine, and two he told me I need to be nicer", Remus said as he sat down on the couch.

"He's not wrong about that", Roman mumbled.

"I'm trying", Remus pouted but then turned to face Roman, "Look, I know you're stressed about this. Anyone in their right mind would be, though I'm not sure you are, but what I'm saying is that this is normal. So you need to take some deep breathes and really think this through"

"Okay", Roman nodded, and then began to do the breathing exercise that he's seen Virgil do, a lot. Once he felt a bit better he looked back at Remus expectedly.

"I'm going to ask you a couple questions, okay?"

"Okay"

"Have you and Dee discussed getting married before?"

"Yes"

"And what has he said about it?"

"That he does want to marry me"

"So why're you so nervous?"

"I don't know. It's just a really important step in our relationship"

"Are you ready for marriage?"

"Yeah. At least I think so. I want to get married. And I want it to be to Dee"

"So, you ready to propose?"

"Yeah... Yeah. I'm ready. Because he's going to say yes.

"That's the spirit!"

Roman wasn't sure why that worked, but he was really glad it did. He was a lot calmer. At least until he looked down at his watch.

"I gotta go! Thank you for talking with me. I really appreciate it", He said quickly while sliding his jacket on.

"Don't sweat it! I better get grossly adorable pictures after he says yes"

"Of course", Roman waved back at him as he walked out the door, "Bye!"

Remus returned the goodbye. As soon as Roman was gone he sink back into the couch groaning. He loved his brother but he was a disaster sometimes.

-----

Roman was ready. The talk with Remus had helped a ton but it was wearing off and he needed to do this now.

It had taken him a long time to come up with the perfect way to propose. He had gone through several ideas. Most of which were crazy, insane grand gestures. A flash mob sounded fun. But eventually a different idea popped into his head. And once it took root and bloomed into a wonderful flower of amazingness, he picked it. It was perfect, beautiful even. And a lot easier to pull off.

They were curled up on the couch in their apartment watching Disney movies and had been since Dee had gotten home. There was a half eaten pizza sitting in front of them, next to there cups of soda. Both were forgotten because cuddling was more important.

Dee was curled into Roman's side with his head on his shoulder. Roman had wrapped his arms around his boyfriend. It was wonderfully domestic.

Tangled was the movie playing at the moment and Roman was waiting for the right moment to ask when his boyfriend accidentally gave it to him.

"This is my favorite Disney movie. Do you know why?", He asked looking up at Roman.

"The music?"

"No. It's because their relationship reminds me of us. You know the egotistical bad boy falls for the innocent cinnamon roll that teaches him what's really important in life? That's totally us"

"You are my innocent cinnamon roll, huh?", Roman pulled him closer.

"Not anymore", Dee smirked at him. Roman laughed. He would gladly admit that he tainted his boyfriend. It was bound to happen at some time.

He was about to make a retort when he realized this was his moment. He needed to do it now.

"You know, we aren't exactly like them. There's one major difference"

"And what's that?", Dee asked raising his eyebrow.

"They're married and we're not"

"Oh. Yeah I forgot about that"

"But I know how we can fix that"

Dee sat up. He wasn't sure if he was understanding Roman correctly. Was he proposing? Right now?

Roman sat up to face him, reaching behind him and grabbing the ring box out from behind the books on the side table.

Dee watched as he gracefully slid off the couch onto one knee as he held the ring box open towards him.

"You know, I had a whole stupid, dorky speech written, but all I can think of now is dumb Disney puns. So I guess all I've got to say is, will you marry me?", Roman asked.

He wanted to cry. Here he was, sitting on the couch surrounded by food and random junk, his boyfriend proposing in his Mickey Mouse pajamas, I See The Light playing in the background, and it was perfect. He had pictured this moment before and it was never like this, but this was so much better than anything he could've dreamed of.

"Dee?", Roman waved a hand in front of his face. Instead of responding verbally, Dee tackled him in a hug. One that Roman returned grinning.

"Should I take that as a yes?", He asked smirking.

"Yeah, you should", he smiled back, "I love you"

"I love you too", Roman then held up the ring box again, "I've been waiting to put this on your finger, so may I?"

"How long have you been waiting?", Dee asked as he held out his hand.

"A couple months. Logan's been holding on to the ring for me", Roman shrugged.

"I'm surprised that you were able to keep a secret that long"

"I can keep a secret. This is proof"

"I guess it is. By the way I'm really glad that you asked at home"

"You are? I mean I'm glad because I wanted you to like it, but why?"

"Because I can do this", He kissed Roman quickly on the lips, "And not feel self-conscious about it"

"You know that is an upside I didn't think about", Roman smiled.

"We should take advantage of it", He smirked.

"We should", Roman smiled connecting their lips again, this time the kiss was a lot more passionate. They only separated when the sound of Mother Gothel screaming reminded them that there was anything else going on.

It surprised them, making them jump. There was a few moments of silence, besides the movie, before they started laughing.

Roman stood up pulling Dee with him and sitting back down on the couch. The immediately curled back into each other again, like it was natural, and at this point maybe it was.

The movie came to a close soon after. Roman smiled at his fiance, "This is my favorite Disney movie too".

[shastelly]

Dance - March Klance Prompts from MonthlyKlance - Day 18

Day 18 – Dance

 Lance straightened the bow tie on Keith's sort-of-tux.  

 "There."  He smiled over at the other boy who was blushing like crazy and looked so uncomfortable in the get up that it wasn't even funny.  "You look nice."  Lance offered trying to help.

 "Sure."  Keith practically collapsed in on himself in discomfort.  "I feel like an idiot.  This is not me."

 "Then pretend to be someone else."  Lance offered back with a smile.  "Someone suave and sophisticated and who looks awesome in a tux…oh hey, just pretend to be me."  Lance did a quick spin turn and finished with finger guns.  It had the desired effect as Keith choked on laughter, sputtering something about hell freezing over.

 "It's like going to prom."  Shiro declared from the other side of the room.  He looked stunning in his solid black tux and black tie.  But he was also wearing a frown.

 "What you didn't like prom?  I figured you would have been the Prom King?"  Lance puzzled.

 "I was."  Shiro blushed.  

 Hunk chuckled, "I can totally get why, you were their golden boy."

 "But then why didn't you like it?  I would have loved to have been Prom King."  Lance asked eyes full of stars.

 "Well, I…it…um…so as the guy that was supposed to be the Prom King, I was pretty much expected to take the girl that was supposed to be the Prom Queen."   Shiro managed.

 "You took a girl to prom."  Keith stared eyes wide.

 "Yeah. I did.  I thought we could go, as friends, and just have fun and get pictures and not worry about it."  Shiro ducked his head and rubbed the back of his neck.  "She had, um…other expectations."

 "How? I mean didn't she know?" Pidge had wandered in and joined the conversation.  She was wearing a tux that Coran had altered for her.  The pants legs were overly wide, and the jacket cropped at the waist.  It was actually darling on her.

 "I told her.  I just guess she didn't believe me or thought she was going to turn me straight or something?"  Shiro blushed even harder when Lance practically fell over laughing. "Yeah, that didn't work out so well.  She really didn't like me after she caught me making out with someone else in the hall." Keith snorted.

 "You were the Prom King, ditched your crazy Prom Queen and hooked up with someone else?  Sounds like a great Prom!"  Lance giggled.

 "So, Keith, how was your Prom?"  Hunk asked trying to give Shiro a break from blushing.

 "I didn't go."  Keith frowned.  "I don't like dances or dancing or dressing up or that many people."  

 "Okay, antisocial Emo boy skips Prom.  Not the most shocking headline ever."  Lance teased, though he sounded almost sad.

 "So, what was your Prom like, we know you weren't the King."  Keith turned back to Lance.

 "My Prom was awesome and awesome."  Lance smiled easily.  "Me and my good buddy Hunk here went together."

 "You were his Prom date?"  Keith raised an eyebrow at Hunk.

 "Sort of."  Hunk smiled fondly at Lance.  "I didn't have a date."

 "Their loss, my gain!"  Lance chirped.

 "And Lance couldn't pick a date."  Hunk laughed elbowing his friend.  "So, he suggested we go together, and I have to admit we had a great time. Lance is a pretty good date."

 "I am a great date.  I brought flowers."  Lance corrected.

 "Yes, a great date.  He did bring a boutonniere and he made sure I had fun the entire night.  We danced - he had me dancing with all kinds of girls and he was dancing with everyone.  I'd been to that kind of thing before and just ended up being a wallflower, but not with Lance around."

 "Shiro, you may have ditched your date, but Hunk and I, we stole so many hearts that night it was a felony."  Lance joked complete with crazy eyebrow wiggles.

 Pidge snorted.

 "Sorry, Pidgie, you weren't there for Prom, were you?"  Lance turned regretful eyes to the Green Paladin.

 "She's been to Prom."  Shiro looked over suddenly amused.

 "Yes. I have been." She answered mysteriously.

 "How and why do you know?"  Lance looked confused.

 "Matt took her."  Shiro supplied.  "He told me about it."

 "Really? Why?  I mean, you're great and all, but you're his sister."  Lance looked dumbfounded, no doubt imaging taking one of his siblings.

 "His date dumped him, literally the day before Prom."  She supplied, her smile was sad but fond.  "He'd already made reservations that couldn't be cancelled, had a limo and a tux and the whole nine yards and she dropped him for a football star."  Pidge sniffed her distaste.

 "That is cold."  Hunk sighed.

 "Yeah, but Matt, he's not the type to let someone get the best of him.  So, he knocked on my door, and asked me to accompany him to the Prom.  I was going through a phase, so I happened to have something to wear."  Pidge blushed a little.

 "Wait. What kind of phase?"

 "I believe Matt called it the Disney Princess years."  Shiro supplied slyly and Pidge chucked a comb at him. He dodged it easily laughing. "The dress was lovely Pidge, you looked nice in green then too."

 Pidge smirked mollified for now, "Anyway, he was sweet, and I had a good time and that bi…"

 "Language!"

 "Not nice person,” Pidge correct with an eyeroll, "got drunk on spiked punch and spent most of the evening puking in the bushes outside."

 "You spiked the punch didn't you."  Keith stated looking over at her grin.

 "There is no proof."

 "Proof of what?" Allura asked as she breezed into the room.  The pink ball gown she wore would put Cinderella to shame.

 "Wow!"  Lance jumped up.  "You look beautiful!"  

 "Don't drool."  Pidge elbowed him.

 "Thank you, Lance."  Allura smiled at him.  "You all look wonderful as well.  Are we ready?"

 "Do I get to dance with you?"  Lance asked with a wink.

 "I'm afraid not.  As the official negotiator of the alliance we propose, I am not permitted to enjoy the dancing, I must sit at the negotiation table.  It is up to you all to mingle and dance and make friends with the people of Umbelan."

 "So, we have to dance?" Keith asked.

 And at the same time, "I'm sorry you'll miss the fun." from Lance

 "Yes, you must dance.  Thank you again Lance, but there will be other parties.  The people of Umbelan are convinced that dances are the best way to get to know anyone. ��You will be observed by many and asked to dance many times.  The dances are simple, and they are aware you are not from their planet and will not be familiar with them, so do not be worried about being judged for your dancing talents."  Allura gave Keith a soft smile as he was clearly uncomfortable. "Use the dance time to talk and get to know whomever you dance with.  It is expected that you will ask them questions as well as answer questions that they have for you."

 "Great."  Keith muttered.

 "Keith, if you could at least do, two dances?"  Allura offered.  It was clear the situation was distressing for him, under his usual forceful nature was an undercurrent of uncertainty and genuine discomfort.  

 "Okay. I can do that."  When he met her eyes there was gratitude there and she smiled back at him.

 She did not miss the look of relief on Shiro's face or the way Lance's shoulders relaxed.  

 Lance's first dance was with an older Umbelan.  She said she was an ambassador for a nearby planet.  She asked him about the alliance and what planets he had visited and about earth and its culture.  No military secrets, just diplomatic questions about languages and cheeseburgers.  Lance smiled and laughed and when it was his turn, he asked about the dancing custom and manners and what was okay to ask and what wasn't.  By the time they had finished the dance, Lance bowed gratefully, he felt like they had both learned a lot.  He didn't have to look far for his next partner.  A smiling young man was waiting to step up.  

 "Hi, I'm Rex."  He bowed.

 "Lance."  Lance bowed back and moved to take his partner’s hands as the dance began.  He found the steps easy enough and was soon able to focus on his dancing partner.

 "You learn fast."  He complimented.

 "Thanks, I like dancing."  Lance smiled easily.

 "So, I'm Rex, like I said already.  My mom is a general in our military.  She's in charge of security tonight."  He offered.  "So um, you're the Blue paladin?"

 "Yes. I pilot Blue.  She is awesome, one of the legs."

 "So, the lion is a she?  Does she talk to you?"  Rex asked eyes wide.

 "Yeah, I feel like she's a she and she doesn't like talk out load, more like in my head."  Lance tapped the side of his head with his finger.

 "That must be weird."  Rex frowned.

 "Sure, but no weirder than finding out about this war and fighting Galra and 10,000-year-old evil guys."  Lance shrugged.

 "So, your planet did not have space travel?"

 "Well, yes, but very limited.  Nothing like what Blue or the Castle of Lions are capable of doing.  We didn't really even know there were other inhabited planets. So, coming out here was a really shock." Lance laughed a little.  The young man across from him was purple, as all the male Umbelans were. They were basically humanoid in shape, but about an average six inches taller and completely covered in fur. His fur was shaved short over his face and neck, but long at the top of his head which was plaited into a long braid that hung past his shoulders.  The shaving of the furs seemed to vary a lot between individuals and offered a lot of variety in hair styles.  He wore a plain black tunic that hung past his knees and was belted with a simple gold cord.  Clothing seemed to be more uniform and functional.

 "That would be a shock.  I've grown up around space and wars.  I think it might be nice to not have to focus on anything like that for once.  Mom is always so worried about what might happen and planning for the worst."  He rolled his deep blue eyes.  "I love her, but I don't think she has any idea how to relax."

 "What kind of things do you do to relax?"  Lance asked.

 "Oh well, I love painting and riding Herxbirds."  Rex smiled.

 "What's a herxbird?"  

 "Well, they are about half the size of your lion and covered in fur that is super long and soft.  They come in all colors and have big leathery wings, two on each side and four legs. Their heads are long and narrow and the have big noses and tongues.  We strap a seat onto their backs, and you can ride them.  They are trained to follow commands, but really good riders learn to communicate with them with their minds."  Rex explained excitedly.  It was clear that he was really into this.

 "I would love to see one, sounds like a giant horse with bat wings."  Lance returned the excitement level.  He was setting up a time to go flying with Rex when something caught his eye.  Keith was dancing with a very large Umbelan male.  The guy was a foot taller than Keith.  This fur was shaved short in a stripe between his eyes and down to his chin. There were several small braids hanging from his chin.  And Keith, well Keith just looked pissed.  He wasn't talking, he was barely moving and everything about his body screamed he didn't want to be there.  

 "Who's that?"  Lance asked Rex, not really an appropriate question, but his worry over rode any worry about decorum.

 "Oh, that's General Wythop."  Rex answered with a sneer.

 "Don't like him?"  Lance turned with concern.

 "No. He's a pompous ass."  Rex frowned.  "He danced the first dance with your friend, he shouldn't still have him."  

 "Oh."  Lance looked over even more concerned.

 "I would get him out of there if you could.  Wythop has a lot of power in the government.  And…" Rex seemed to shrink back into himself.

 "What? And what?"  Lance pressed something dark circling in his gut.

 "He's…um…forward?" Rex's face turned a shade of green.  Lance wasn't sure if he was blushing or nauseous.

 "Forward?  Like pushy or mouthy or forward like he's capable of hurting my friend." Lance asked turning serious.

 "I…we should get your friend away from him."  Rex looked down.  "No one's ever come forward to speak against him, but there are rumors."

 "Okay, well Allura, told Keith he only had to do two dances, so after this one, he should be out of there.  I'll keep an eye on him.  Thanks for the dance, Rex, and I do hope to see one of those Herxbirds tomorrow."

 The song ended and Rex bowed to Lance and Lance returned the gesture.  He turned to watch Wythop bow to Keith and Keith glare back at him.  The Ubelam had Keith's wrist grasped firmly in his hand and was not letting him go. Keith frowned and tugged and the Ubelam said something while frowning.  Keith looked down at the floor with another glare and the next song started. Wythop grabbing Keith's other arm and starting the dance.  Keith didn't even pretend to move.  He just stood there and didn't speak.

 Lance frowned and scanned the crowd.  He saw Pidge over by the punch bowl and rushed over to his side, apologizing to the young woman that had started to walk up to him with a grin and a wave. He practically grabbed Pidge and pulled her out onto the dance floor.

 "Lance!"  She protested trying to pull away.

 "Shush."  He whispered, getting her attention.  He watched the dancers around him and soon fell into the appropriate steps for the song. Pidge struggled but tried to match. "We have an issue."

 "What?"  Pidge narrowed her eyes and looked around.

 "See that guy with Keith?"  Lance asked quietly maneuvering so that she could see them over his shoulder.

 "Why is he even still dancing?"  Pidge asked frowning.  She knew he didn't want to be out there, and he'd filled his quota.

 "I don't think that guy let him go.  He had ahold of his arm when the last song ended."  Lance frowned.  "The guy I was dancing with explained he's a real jerk and we ought to get Keith out of there, but he's also really high up in the government.  So, we need to get Keith away without letting him know that's what we are doing and not piss him off."

 Pidge nodded agreeing with the plan so far, "So, what do you have in mind?"

 "Going to break in at the end of the next dance.  Accuse Keith of hogging the General and say that he forgot he promised to dance with you.  Then you use the next song to dance him out of here and figure out what exactly is going on."  Lance plotted.

 "Yeah, and what about you?"  Pidge narrowed her eyes.

 "I'll just dance with General Pushyface there and then when the song ends explain I have to go and that will be that."  Lance nodded.

 "Okay, but aren't we getting Keith away because the General might be dangerous? Why is the plan for you to put yourself in danger instead?"  Pidge hissed.

 "Well, I'm better with people.  I'm sure I can talk my way out and if not, Shiro and Allura are like right here, I'm pretty sure a good yell for help and they'd be right on the guy."  

 Pidge nodded slowly.  She didn't like it, but she didn't have a better plan.  "Okay, I'll do it, but if Keith says anything wonky, we are going straight to Allura and if you don't get out of that dance at the end of the song, I'm sending Shiro over."

 Lance smiled, "Okay Pidge."

 Lance moved them across the floor until when the song ended, they were right next to Keith and the General.  When the guy bowed and still held Keith's arm again, Lance went into action.

 "Oh, hey Keith!"  Lance moved to stand between them.  "You have totally been hogging this big guy's time.  That is not good manners, man."  Lance winked at the general.  "On top of that you promised Pidge a dance and she's pretty upset."

 Pidge put on one of her angry faces and crossed her arms and tapped her foot.

 Keith looked completely confused and when he got Pidge's glare, he sputtered an apology. The general's grip had loosened on Keith's arm in the confusion and Lance slipped his hand in between, pulling the general's hand into his.

 "Go on, Keith.  I've been waiting for my chance to dance with General Wythop here."  Lance waved his other hand at him over his shoulder dismissing him.  Keith frowned and glared back at the general while Pidge slipped in front of him and pulled him away.

 Lance pretended not to notice the glare the general was now directing at him.  He didn't however appreciate the near bruising grip the guy had on his hands.

 "Hey, big guy, lighten up."  Lance tried to wiggle his fingers to loosen the general's grip.

 The general narrowed his eyes and tightened the grip, stopping Lance from moving his hands at all and smiling at the wince he saw in the young man's face.  

 "Why did you interrupt my dance?"  He growled.

 "Oh, well, I'm sorry.  As I understood, it wasn't nice to keep the same partner dance after dance." Lance answered evenly.

 "It's also not nice to interrupt or to not answer questions.  Your friend was quite rude to me.  He wouldn't talk or dance."  The general growled, looking down at Lance.

 "You are in luck because I love to talk and dance."  Lance plastered the best fake smile he could.  This guy was giving him some serious creeps.  

 "Perhaps."  The general smiled then, and it was not pleasant.  "Please tell me about the Castle of Lion's defensive capabilities."

 "Oh, hey now, that's like top secret military stuff, man.  If you are a spy you need to work on subtlety." Lance blanched.

 "This is supposed to be an open discussion.  I think I find you paladins to be closed and defensive.  I'm not sure I can vote in favor of an alliance." The guy had the nerve to tighten his grip even further and Lance ground his teeth together feeling the bones in his wrist grind together unpleasantly.

 "Now don't be that way.  I'm sure there is something we can talk about.  For instance, the Castle of Lions has some great medical technology that I know Coran will be happy to discuss with your people and very efficient food production.  You must understand handing out a list of our defenses to just anyone isn't feasible. You wouldn't hand me the defensive playbook for your team either."  Lance tried to reason out of the anger he could feel building in the other guy.

 "I don't know what this playbook is that you speak about, but I assure you that I am not playing."  The general growled and Lance realized he'd been moving him slowly to the edge of the crowd.  "I want you to call your friend back.  I was not done talking with him and he owes me a proper dance.  I will not let him leave until he has satisfied my demands."  

 "That is just really not going to happen.  If you keep this up, we are going to have a situation here.  I mean, have you seen the Black Paladin.  You do not want to mess with Space Dad." Lance pulled uncomfortably at his wrists, his hands were turning purple and tingling from lack of blood flow.  

 "I don't care about your father or the Black Paladin.  I am not afraid.  Get your friend now."  The general growled.  Lance started to respond when the jerk twisted his left wrist sharply and Lance was certain he actually heard the bone snap.

 "Let me go!  That's enough."  Lance pulled away with his other wrist, his eyes flashed angrily.

 "No."  The general sneered squeezing his broken wrist so hard that Lance felt his knees go weak and struggled to stay standing.  

 "You have like two ticks and then I'm yelling, and you can explain."  Lance spat, his eyes dancing with spots.

 "Scream. No one will hear you in here." The general laughed and Lance realized they had entered a hall.  

 He looked around wondering if anyone could hear him.  After all he could be pretty loud, and the guy might be bluffing.  Talking a deep breath, he screamed at the top of his lungs.

 "LET ME GO!"  

 The general growled and letting go of his broken wrist swung a fist into Lance's stomach knocking the air out of him.  After a few ticks when no one came, the general laughed and hit Lance again.

 "See. No one heard.  Now take me to your friend."  He pulled Lance up by his good wrist and lifted him off the ground.

 Lance groaned, but he'd seen movement behind the general.  Someone had heard him.

 "No."  Lance spat and the general shook him by his arm.  The pop that sounded from his shoulder seemed really unfortunate to Lance. He saw movement again.  His breath was coming in gasps from the pain and he was having trouble keeping track, but if someone was back there to help, then he needed to give them an opening and maybe get out of the line of fire. Gritting his teeth against the pain he knew it would cause he swung himself back and kicked forward with all his might, aiming for what he hoped was a sensitive spot on the Ubelam people. Apparently, it was.  The general's face turned a shade of blue and he flung Lance away from him.  Lance collided with a wall and slid to a stop at its base, not moving.

 "Lance!"  Pidge's voice echoed as she ran for him.  The general turned to grab her and was surprised when his hand went straight through the hologram.

 "Hey, asshole."  Keith appeared from around a corner, bayard drawn.

 "There you are."  The general growled.  "We could have been friends.  Why do you insist on making this difficult?  Perhaps you just enjoy pain."  

 "You aren't interested in being friends and I'm not interested in what you are offering."  Keith spat.

 "Well come on then, if you think you can take me."  The general crouched into a defensive posture drawing a large knife.

 "Oh, I'm not going to attack you.  I'm the distraction."  Keith grinned as the Green bayard connected with the general's back sending jolts of energy convulsing through his body.  When he fell to the ground Pidge was standing behind him willing the bayard to shock him into unconsciousness.

 "Nice, Pidge."  Keith complimented as he passed the fallen general on his way to Lance.

 Pidge kicked the guy in the knee for good measure as she went to join Keith.

 Lance was groaning and moving when they got to his side.

 "Oh hey."  Lance winced. "This prom sucks, can we go home."

 Keith smiled softy and Pidge smirked.  

 "Come, on."  Keith managed to get under Lance's good shoulder and help him up.  Pidge snaked an arm around his waist.  

 "Let's let Shiro know what is going on and get you back to the castle." Pidge spoke softly eyeing his obviously broken wrist and the bruises forming.

 Lance nodded.

 "Now you know why I don't like dances."  Keith muttered.

 "Seriously, this is why you don't like dances?  This has happened before?"  Lance asked eyes wide.

 "No, I mean, sort of, she wasn't that big, but she had some seriously sharp nails and promised to ruin my reputation at school."  Keith answered blushing.

 "I."  Lance blinked mouth opening and closing.  "That sucks."  He finally managed.

 "Yeah it would, but I totally just made that up."  Keith looked over at Lance face bland.  "Seriously, I'm just a bad dancer and I don't like doing it."

 Pidge snorted and burst out laughing.  

 Lance shook his head, "Okay, you got me.  Thanks for confusing the guy with the concussion."  

 "Sorry."  Keith smiled.

 "No, you aren't."  Lance huffed. "Just for that, you owe me a dance."  

 Keith's smile softened and he met his eyes, "I owe you more than that.  Thank you."  

 "Yeah well, I'll be cashing in on this dance, don't forget."  Lance leaned further against Keith as they entered the ballroom.  He could hear Shiro yell over the crowd and Allura demanding answers.  He caught Rex's wide eyes and the young man nodded to him.  It was going to work out.  

 Keith leaned over to whisper into his ear, "I'd like dancing with you I think."

 Lance smiled feeling a blush rise in his cheeks, yeah it was all going to work out just fine.

[myherodiehardfan]

promts (i STOLE FROM ALL OVER THE PLACE)

- prompt list -

Prompt List #1 ♛ Imagines

“We’re not just friends and you fucking know it.”

“Please don’t cry. I can’t stand to see you cry”

“Stay with me”

“Walk out that door and we’re through”

“Well. Yell, scream, say something. Anything”

“I can’t breathe”

“I hate how much I love you”

“Why are you so jealous?”

“Where do you think you’re going”

“Just leave me alone”

“I need some time”

“Despite what you think, I am completely capable of taking care of myself”

“You can’t keep pretending it didn’t happen, cause guess what? It did!”

“Just please be my best friend right now, not the guy I just confessed my love to.”

“Stop pretending you’re okay, cause I know you’re not.”

“Just talk to me”

“Bite me”

“If you insist”

“I think I’m in love with you, and that scares the crap out of me”

“I think you’re just afraid to be happy”

“Why are you so nice to me”

“Choose me”

“We’ll get through this, I promise”

“You’re so fucking hot when you’re mad”

“You’re mine. I don’t share”

“Just shut up and kiss me.”

“If we get caught I’m blaming you”

“Make me”

“Do you want to kiss as bad as I do right now”

“I think I forgot how to breath”

“Stop biting that fucking lip!”

“You’re blushing”

“I missed something didn’t I?”

“You come to my room and wake me up at 4am, to cuddle?”

“Well this is awkward”

“Is that my shirt?”

“You look like you need a hug”

“I can’t believe you don’t like Disney movies”

“Please come home, I miss you”

“You’re so fucking adorable”

“How can you still look so attractive while crying.”

“I’m pregnant”

“You’re lucky you’re cute”

“Cuddle me.”

“Sometimes I really don’t like you”

“What if I told you I’ve been in love with you since we were kids.”

“You’re seriously like a man-child.”

“You’re getting crumbs all over my bed”

“Im too sober for this”

“Oh god, I need a drink”

Bad boy writing prompts (warning: mild sexual themes)

“He was sneak out the window past curfew kind of trouble, he was a motorbike ride cross-country kind of trouble, he was the kind of boy your daddy hated. But he was the only man that made you feel alive.” (Oh, Dabi, my dear, I’m looking at you.)

“‘A gentleman would offer me his seat’”    ‘Gentlemen are boring. But you’re free to sit on my lap.’ You narrowed your eyes. He slanted his head innocently, ‘Over my knees then’    ‘Charming, aren’t you’    ‘Only for you, baby’”

“You gawked. Did he seriously just offer ten million yen for your portrait? ‘You want me on your wall?’   ‘Actually, I want you in my bed but you seem to averse sex, so how about it?’”

“I love you more than I hate the rest of the world.”(Hm. A lot of the villains, but especially Shiggy and Overhaul.)

“I seem to have a nasty habit of driving people away.” (A lonesome MC/Reader or my darling Shinso, technically not a bad boy but can be applied hehe)

“Her body was his. His to ravish, to possess, to savor. But he was a selfish man and having just her skin wasn’t enough for him. He wanted more, always more. He desired her heart, her soul, her beautiful mind. Everything. He wanted her. And she will be his.” ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) (This is as far I will go)

RANDOM SENTENCE STARTERS

SHORT

“Marry me.”

“Do you want me to leave?”

“You are not going without me.”

“I can’t believe you!”

“I swear it won’t happen again.”

“What did you say?”

“I’m not jealous.”

“You’re jealous, aren’t you?”

“We can’t keep doing this.”

“Are you sure this is legal?”

“Isn’t this amazing?”

“I’m going to take care of you, okay?”

“Stay the night. Please.”

“You can’t die. Please don’t die.”

“Run away with me.”

“You did WHAT?”

“Quit whining.”

“Get outta my sight!”

“Why are you so annoying?”

“Were you ever going to tell me?”

“Never in a million years.”

“Don’t ask me that…”

“I might have had a few shots.”

“What’s with the box?”

“W- What are you doing?”

“Say it!”

“I could kiss you right now!”

“Are you done with that?”

“What’s going on here?”

“Stop pinning this on me! You started it!”

“It’s your fault we’re in this mess.”

“Did you do this on purpose?!”

“Kiss me.”

“Are you still awake..?”

“Excuse you?”

“This is all your fault!”

“I can’t believe you dragged me into this.”

“Don’t give me that look! It wasn’t my fault!”

“I shouldn’t be in love with you!”

“It’s not fair!”

“I could kill you right now!”

“Knock it off!”

“Screw you!”

“You’re a complete moron!”

“I love this song!”

“I can’t be in love with you!”

“Make me.”

“Don’t tempt me.”

“I hate you.”

“You are infuriating!”

“Just shut up already.”

“That doesn’t even make sense.”

“Bite me.”

“Eat me.”

“Kiss my ass.”

“Just admit I’m right.”

“Just admit you’re wrong.”

“You are being ridiculous!”

“That’s irrational.”

“Listen to me!”

“That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

“Don’t yell at me.”

“That’s it. End of discussion.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“You shouldn’t have said that.”

“Fuck you!”

“Shut your mouth before I shut it for you.”

“How dare you?”

“I dare you!”

“It’s you, it’s always been you.”

“Well this is awkward…”

“Just pretend to be my date”.  

MISCELLANEOUS

“Are you really gonna leave without asking me the question you’ve been dying to ask me?”

“The planet is fine. The people are fucked.”

“I just did some calculations, and I’ve been able to determine that you’re full of shit.”

“You know what I like most about people? Pets.”

“Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they’d lock us up?”

“What about a compromise? I’ll kill them first, and if it turns out they were friendly, I’ll apologize.”

“I don’t hate you.. I just don’t like that you exist.”

“Love is the jelly to sunshine’s peanut butter. And if I tell you that I’m in sandwich with you, I’m not just saying it to get in your Ziploc bag.”

“Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system.”

“Did you really just insult Captain America in front of me?”

“Can I touch your boob?”

“It’s not that you’re wrong, exactly, you’re just extremely not right.”

“You shouldn’t be trusted with small children, should you?”

“Give me cake or give me death.”

“On a scale from, ’I can sometimes make important phone calls without crying’ to ’I have a stable job with a steady income, a spouse who loves me, a dog, and two kids who are screwed up minimally at worst’, how much of an adult are you?”

“You think I’m dumb enough to fall for that stupid move?”

“Despite the cliche, it’s not me, it’s you.”

“Obviously you can’t tell a woman you just met that you love her, but it sucks that you can’t.”

“No, it was my fault for thinking that you might care.”

“When you love someone, you just don’t stop. Ever. Even when people roll their eyes or call you crazy… even then. Specially then!”

“If you’re not scared, then you’re not taking a chance. If you’re not taking a chance, then what the hell are we doing anyway?”

“I think I’ve been holding myself back from falling in love with you all over again.”

“What have I told you about the toilet seat?”

“I tried to change the duvet and I got stuck inside.”

“I vote today to be a pajama day.”

“You have to tell me why were committing a felony before we do it. Not that that’s going to stop us, but at least I’ll have all the facts.”

“I don’t leave messages. If I wanted to talk to a machine, I’d talk to my VCR.”

“I can be flexible. As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I’m totally flexible.”

“You know we’re suppose to be together. I knew it the first time I saw you, and you know it, too. I know you do.”

“Those things you said yesterday… Did you mean them?”

“I’m not going to apologise for this. Not anymore.”

“What I hear when I’m being yelled at is people caring loudly at me.”

“I am NOT crying, okay?! I’m allergic to jerks!”

“This would not happen if I had a penis!”

“That’s almost exactly the opposite of what I meant.”

“All nighter, you and me. First one to fall sleep buys the other dinner.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever played spin the bottle.”

“Sorry! I didn’t mean to touch your butt.”

“I’m ok, thank you. Just please, stop talking to me.”

“To the night you’ll never remember!”

“Excuse me, did the 12:15 bus come by already?”

“Could I sit here? All the other tables are full.”

“Are you meeting someone here? Because.. I think I’m that person.”

“You weren’t supposed to laugh! I’m so embarrassed!”

“It must be hard with your sense of direction, never being able to find your way to a decent pickup line.”

“Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his/her cake hole.”

“I’m not gonna die in a hospital where the nurses aren’t even hot.”

“You better take care of that car or I swear I’ll haunt your ass!”

“This is the dumbest thing you’ve ever done.“

“It’s a real shame nobody asked for your opinion.”

“I could do that, but could doesn’t mean would.”

“You cannot fathom the immensity of the fucks I don’t give.”

“You’re like, five feet tall. How you gonna reach me, shortie?”

“I recognize that you have reached a decision, but given that it is a stupid ass decision I have elected to ignore it”

“Do you need me to kill someone for you?”

“Look out where you’re going, asshole!”

“Fuck the sandwich guy!”

“I did not mean for stripping to come out of this.”

“The whole street is blocked off. The police won’t tell us anything, but I think there’s been some kind of attack… Maybe a bomb?”

“Oh my god, are you okay? I’m calling the police. I think I saw who did this to you.”

“I’m weird, you’re weird, we could have weird little babies and live weirdly ever after if it wasn’t for the fact I find you repulsive.”

“There is nothing wrong with planning a wedding with a video game character.”

“I’m gonna lay down and die for like half hour okay?”  

“There’s been some real friction in our friend group lately. I suggest an orgy to save our friendships.”

“It’s midnight, what do you want?”

“I think I know how to use a bed.”

“If I wake up in the morning and I’m dead… Wait.”

“You are completely unfit to handle a child.”

“We have to get out of this place. It is EVIL.”

“Don’t you dare throw that snowba-, goddammit!”

“When in doubt curl into the fetal position and give up on life.”

“It’s not a double date, we’re just third and forth wheeling.”

PREGNANCY

“I have something to tell you…”

“I think I’m pregnant.”

“I’m pregnant!”

“When were you going to tell me that you’re pregnant?”

“You’re smart and successful with an adorable belly.”

“$50 bucks says it’s a girl/boy.”

“Pregnancy suits you…”

“Hello little one. We can’t wait to meet you…”

“I’ll just be in the bathroom throwing my fucking guts up because our unborn kid wants to be a dick!”

“There’s someone I’d like you to meet…”

“Shh… He/she’s sleeping..”

“I have a special surprise for you. Close your eyes and follow me.”

“No, no, no, no, no, we aren’t ready… We aren’t ready for kids yet!”

“Oh, gosh, I felt it! I felt a kick!”

FLUFF

“Your hair is so soft…”

“You’re so cute when you pout like that!”

“Just relax, I’ll wash your hair for you.”

“I’m not going to stop poking you until you give me some attention.”

“What, does that feel good?”

“HA! I found a weak-spot on you, didn’t I?”

“Are you wearing my shirt?”

“You are ridiculously comfortable…”

“I’ve had a rough day and honestly all I want right now is a drink and someone to cuddle with…”

“You’re so cute when you’re half asleep like this…”

“You’re beautiful, you know that?”

“We should get a puppy!”

STARGAZING

“Aren’t they beautiful?”

“These stars are nothing compared to the ones I’ve seen in your eyes.”

“Shooting star, make a wish.”

“It’s actually a comet, but I’ll still make one.”

“Imagine if it could always be this way, even in the city.”

“Never thought something so beautiful could exist in nature…”

“Wouldn’t it be cool to name a star after yourself?”

“Y'know, your roof may not be the safest place for us to stargaze.”

“This is why you made me drive three hours out into the middle of nowhere?”

“Is that a– Wait, no, just an airplane.”

“I wouldn’t mind falling asleep out here.

FLIRTY/SUGGESTIVE/SEXUAL

“Did you just… finish?”

“They always make shower sex sound so appealing, but honestly, this is getting dangerous.”

“I’m not actually feeling anything.”

“Are you getting any closer?”

“Why do they make this look so easy in all those porn movies?! This hurts like fuck!”

“Did something just happen? You’re not turned on anymore.”

“Shit sorry, am I going too fast?”

“Wow, you’re hot.”

“Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”

“Hey, I’m open minded.”

“Keep sweet-talking and this could go a whole new direction.”

“I think it’s about time we stop avoiding the obvious.”

“I’m gonna be honest with you. I’m really horny, and you’re really hot. Can we fuck? Like, now?”

“I see someone’s happy to see me.”

“I saw that. You just checked me out.”

“You know, when this is over, we should really have angry sex.”

“Take off your clothes.”

“Tell all those other guys/girls you don’t need them ‘cause you got me.”

“Don’t give me that face, it’s so cute I might not be able to hold back.”

“Boobs are really just squishy pillows.”

“If you don’t get turned on by having your neck kissed somethings wrong with you.”

“Blasphemy! Sex solves everything.”

“I platonically want to have sex with you. No big deal.”

TEXTS

[text]: What do you want now?

[text]: Do you want to bet on that?

[text]: Guess who just got back in town.

[text]: So I might be in a hospital right now…

[text]: We can’t keep doing this anymore!

[text]: Come on, come to the party!

[text]: Can you pick me up from the bar? Too drunk to drive.

[text]: You have no clue how I feel so shut up.

[text]: I call bullshit.

[text]: You thought you could get away with that, didn’t you?

[text] I gave up great shower sex to be here so don’t say I never did anything for our friendship.

[text] Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.

[text] Also, my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall.

[text] Who says no to sex and donuts?!

[text] I know what you did last summer…

[youknowmymethods]

Content Creator Interview #3

In the third part of this series it’s @ohaine ‘s turn (*waves*) to pick @ashockinglackofsatin​ ‘s (satin_doll’s) brain about inspiration for baroque and larger than life OCs, what poetry has to do with fanfiction, and how a chance encounter with a masked swordsman kicked her down the path to fandom and fanfic writing. 

(My apologies if the formatting looks a bit weird to you. This looks fine on my desktop, but a bit crazy in the mobile app. Not sure what’s going on or how to fix it, so...)

                                   “He drapes the black cloth carefully. He doesn't want to disturb more than necessary. As he works, he murmurs to them, softly, ever so softly. Periodically, he pauses and stares into the distance, as if he's watching for a visitor. No one will come now. Not out here. Not for him.”

-Telling the Bees

If you read enough, if you pay enough attention, every now and then you’re rewarded with a fanfic author who not only truly understands the character they’re writing, but who also truly understands writing itself. They’re a gift. Not only to their readers but to other writers who take inspiration from them, who learn from them, who aspire to be as good as them.

On a sunny Saturday morning in April 2016 for the very first time I opened satin_doll’s page on AO3 and read her first Sherlolly story, “Telling the Bees.” I cried fat, ugly tears for Sherlock, for Molly, (inconvenient, not to mention embarrassing as I was in a public place) but I smiled because I’d found one. A gift. It was the beginning of a love affair with her work, the beginning of a masterclass in writing and understanding, but maybe even more importantly it was the beginning of a wonderful friendship. And it began with the same first words I’ve used to introduce her here.

It’s a joyous thing to be given the opportunity to talk to her about her writing. Whether it’s a revelatory character study, like “Down and Shaking When I Think I Lose,” the heart-wrenching romance of “Doubt,” even the so-perfect-it-could-be-canon world of the “Dark Company” series, satin_doll pulls you down a rabbit hole, into Sherlock’s world in a way that makes you understand him better, and teaches you something about yourself in the process.

 Funny, clever, insightful, she’s my number one writing crush, I love her to bits. 

Over Christmas 2018 satin_doll (@ashockinglackofsatin here on tumblr) was kind enough to answer my fangirling questions about her writing and characters. I hope you all enjoy reading what she had to say as much as I did.

  OhAine: So, starting at your beginning, how did the spark ignite?

satin_doll: I started with fiction before I could actually read or write. When I was four years old, there was a television show on about Robin Hood. My mom would park me in front of the television every day when this show was on (probably to get some relief/keep me out of her face for a little while so she could get something done) and I was absolutely in love with Robin Hood. I made up stories and made my mother write them down for me. This is how I learned to read and write: she started teaching me my letters when I asked her what the little black marks were on the paper. Once I learned, I read everything I could get my hands on. I read literally everything. I was absolutely fascinated with words.  I belonged to a children's book club, went to the library, read my parents books (both my mom and stepdad were voracious readers, so there were books everywhere.) I especially loved books about fantastic things - magic, sorcery, dragons, etc. I loved mythology, superheroes, science fiction and fantasy. I collected comic books for years. Not much changed as I got older. Speculative fiction is still what I'm drawn to.   

Despite my obsession with books and stories, I never considered myself a "writer" until after college. In school, I had the usual literature and writing classes until I met Mr. P, my creative writing professor. He was a well-known poet (think Pulitzer Prize) and our creative writing was almost exclusively poetry. I fell in love with both him and poetry and continued to take classes with him for years. One of my proudest achievements was breaking into a particularly choosy literary magazine and being published in it before he was. He never let me forget that. He also was fond of saying "Novelists are failed poets", which I took to heart for a long while once I understood what he was saying. He wasn't criticizing novelists, just making a point about how to write poetry. That's about the extent of my training as a writer; the rest is just me and my periodic forays into hubris. 

OhAine: Is voracious reading how you discovered fanfiction? 

satin_doll: No, it was on the old Compuserve bulletin boards. And loved it. But it didn't really occur to me to write it back then.

In 1998, I belonged to an online discussion group about Zorro. I had a video tape of all the old Disney episodes and I adored Guy Williams. One of the ladies in the group - I still don't remember why she chose me - asked me to write her a story about Zorro, so I did. I think Zorro ended up in a bathtub with a lady, taking his mask off and introducing himself by his real name. I don't know what happened to that file, I wish I still had it. As I recall, it was a nice story and I was very pleased with it. At any rate, that was my first fanfic as an adult that I shared with someone else, and after that I couldn't quit doing it.

OhAine: It’s that sharing that makes fanfiction unique, isn’t it? Because the reader isn’t some abstract concept, far removed from you, we’re all part of the same fandom so you get an instant connection, almost real-time feedback.   

satin_doll: Exactly. And that feedback is critical for a writer, no matter how much some of us protest that we "write for ourselves." We don't live in a vacuum and psychologically speaking, for writers, sharing our work is an important form of setting boundaries, which is expressing who and what we are. This is especially true for fanfic writers, I think. When we post work, we're not doing it so that we can go back and look at it ourselves. We're communicating and we're communicating something important. We join a fandom because we like it, and to communicate that enjoyment with other like-minded individuals. We want to share what we love and what we know. When we write stories about the characters or using a particular setting or universe, we're expressing, communicating - hopefully - something important about ourselves, both individually and as a group. 

When I write fanfic, I write it to communicate. I don't expect lots of kudos or comments; in fact, I'm usually surprised that anyone reads it at all, let alone takes the time to leave a remark or anything of that sort. But it's out there, and hopefully someone will read it and it will touch something inside them, have a little meaning for them. Don't get me wrong, I'm not writing to change anyone's life. It's enough to trigger some feeling, some emotional response, make them think or even just go "hmmm." I recently received a comment from someone who said they "had never thought of it that way." That was extremely satisfying to me, it meant that I had reached someone, made them think or consider something a different way and that's exactly why I write.

OhAine:  Is that how you measure the success of a piece? Or do you have something else you measure it by?

satin_doll: Success to me is simply getting it done! Feedback is lovely, it's wonderful, and I adore it, but if I had to go by that I'd never write another word. In terms of feedback, the stories I would have thought would be well received generally aren't and the ones I think no one will like do fairly well, all things considered. Writing is hard, and I'm a very slow writer. I'm also probably more serious about it than most in the fan fiction realms. Not that I think my stories warrant "serious" consideration, but that the writing of them is a serious act for me. If I'm able to sit down and finish a piece, that's a success as far as I'm concerned. That they get any notice at all is icing on the cake.

OhAine: So I wanted to drill down a bit into some of your stories. Choosing which ones to ask you about was difficult because I have so many questions about your process, but I’ve settled in the end on two that I think are representative of the things you do best; OCs and character examination. Words (part of the Dark Company series) stands out for me as one of your most memorable stories not only because it has an outstanding OC (as all of the Dark series stories do) in the form of Mr P., but because of the very Sherlock way that Sherlock approaches the problem of his feelings for Molly Hooper. Can you tell me a bit about the inspiration for that story?

satin_doll: Sherlock and "feelings" is a notorious problem for writers, I think. Moftiss didn't do us any favors with their approach to the subject. Most tend to depict Sherlock as being clueless about feelings in general, which I understand. But in my universes, he isn't clueless so much as he is averse. Feelings can cause problems, both professionally and personally, so he buries them. But (in my version) he does this consciously. It isn't because he's unaware, it's a choice. Along with that choice come consequences. When he decides that he WANTS to deal with the feelings, he doesn't quite know how because he's never practiced expressing them or communicating on that level. It's like having a muscle that you've barely used; it's weak and it doesn't function properly yet. So, when he decides that he wants to start dealing with the emotional side of his relationship with Molly, what would he do?

My idea was that he would go to an expert in emotional expression for help, at least in the initial approach. Who better to come up with the right words than a poet? In the Dark Universe, Sherlock knows experts in everything. They are his friends, people he has interacted with, who know him and whom he knows and trusts completely. That was the beginning idea. Sherlock goes to one of his friends for help in finding the exact right words to open up the way to moving forward with Molly. Mr. P gives him a little poem that sort of wraps up the problem with the relationship as it is, and gives them both a push in the right direction. Sherlock does this because he is AWARE that he has a weak emotional muscle, not because he doesn't have one. It was like his first excursion to the emotional gym. He had to have help to get started. 

OhAine: And the poem at the end – “How is it that we say so much in our first glance of greeting, Yet our words sit on our tongues like tiny, frozen birds?” – it absolutely kills me.

satin_doll: You can blame my own Mr. P for that. I spent years writing mostly poetry, and though I don't get that "poetic" in most of my fics, I was taught to cut and condense (also a result of writing movie reviews and doing interviews for work), to focus on the exact word or image that would get the point across or get the right response (thank you Semantics 101.) I also love haiku, which I consider the ultimate form of poetry, and distilling the essence of what you want to say into a single image is really good practice for writing of any kind. There is a place for long, flowery descriptives in writing fiction, I suppose, but in the end you have to remember that you're telling a story and you don't want the words to get in the way of that. Simple is always best, in poetry as well as fiction. 

OhAine:  I thought it was interesting that in this story he reached out to her in such a romantic way, yet you managed to still have it happen in a way that’s very much true to their characters. How do you walk that line between showing something that we only ever get the barest of hints of on screen, expanding the characters into places and emotions that we’re not familiar with, yet still keep them true to themselves?

satin_doll: Ah, this is a touchy one. We all have our own versions of Sherlock, of what we think is "in character" for him. Mine is such a mishmash of nearly every incarnation of Sherlock Holmes, going all the way back to the ACD beginnings. There are inconsistencies in those first stories as far as Sherlock's character is concerned, but there are strong consistencies also. What I object to is the reliance on physical habits or traits in place of actual character. Using certain physical attributes portrayed in the series for example (the popping of P in certain words, certain phrases borrowed from the show used over and over, etc.) does nothing to show character. I don't actually rely on the BBC series for my version of Sherlock; mine is a combination of all the Sherlock's I've known over many years. I always start from that. Likewise, you can't confuse the actor with the character, and I see that so very often in fics. 

Molly, on the other hand, is much more difficult because we only have what we see in the BBC series and there's very little of that. So I sort of have to ask some questions that involve my version of Sherlock: What would he be drawn to? What character traits would he find appealing, be able to trust, and why? What would it be about Molly Hooper that Sherlock would want/love? We get little hints in the BBC show, and oddly enough, she does change and grow throughout. I never saw Molly as mousey. I mean, look at what she's doing in the very first minutes we meet her! Look at what her job is! I adored her from those first few brief minutes and I knew that of all the women in Sherlock's life, she would be the one that would appeal to him. So that's the way I write her (mostly; there are a few times I've been a little untrue to Molly, but not many.)

OhAine: It’s obvious that although they’re superficially very different you see them as very much the same beneath the surface. 

satin_doll: Sherlock has always known that he is not like other people; he's not "normal". Molly, on the other hand, was taught that "normal" was something she should aspire to, to be like other people. So she fights her nature - which, to me, would have to be a little dark, otherwise she wouldn't be drawn to Sherlock, she wouldn't have pursued the career she did. In the Dark series, Sherlock is trying to teach her that she doesn't have to deny those inner aspects of herself that are decidedly NOT normal, in order to be happy. No matter how much she tries, "normal" doesn't work out for her. Little by little, they are both learning to accept things they've denied in themselves and they're finding it in their "dark" natures, in the dark around them, which can contain so much knowledge and wisdom if we're willing to explore it - and relief from trying to be something other than who you really are. 

OhAine: And you’ve chosen to do that with OCs that are worthy of canon; Doyle couldn’t have done better in creating a world for modern day Sherlock. They have a vibrancy that’s worthy of a main character, yet you manage to do that without distracting from Sherlock and Molly’s story. How do you find these characters’ and their voices?

satin_doll: I know a lot of weird people. :D 

Seriously, I don't think we have to make up original characters whole cloth. We all know people in our real lives who would make great fictional characters. I take a person I've known (for example: Sean, Sherlock's twin in Mango. I did know a person whose father shot her mother in front of her. I borrowed the incident, added a few traits from other people I know and voila, instant character) and insert them into the story. It's part of what's called "writing about what you know." The more from real life you can insert into your stories, the more realistic and satisfying they are. This goes for plot and description as well as characters. As for making them not take over the story completely, you do that by giving them an emotional tie to the main character but not letting that original character take over the main plot. The inner/outer struggle and emotional growth have to be about your protagonist, your main characters.  

OhAine: That neatly brings me to Down and Shaking When I Think I Lose which is a masterpiece, and something that’s rare these days: an old school character study. You’ve written Season One Sherlock in a way that I haven’t seen done very often and not in a number of years. It’s outstanding because your Sherlock is atypical in a way that Mofftiss sadly abandoned after S2. There’s a line in your story that says, ‘Sometimes he wanted to be worn to nothing,’ that hones in on the cost of being Sherlock. Can you talk a bit about how this story came to be, and what about the canon character formed this version of him in your mind?

satin_doll: You have to understand, I love Sherlock Holmes deeply and have for a very, very long time. To me, he's not just a quirky, interesting character. He's my hero. And I have a thing about heroes.

I see a lot written about Sherlock that portrays him as broken in some way, or as deficient. There's always this underlying assumption that there's something "wrong" with him. Maybe there is, according to the scale by which normal people are judged. But there's another aspect to him that I've never really seen written about: what does he have to give up in order to do what he does? See I don't think he's unaware of how he is. I think he chooses to be that way. Part of that choice is to give up - to literally sacrifice - all those things that other people have as a matter of course: homes, families, relationships, emotional connections. This is part of the Heroic Saga. All heroes must sacrifice in order to be what/who they are. All of them, no exceptions. If they have the capacity to be the Hero, if they choose to go that way, they must sacrifice what the rest of us take for granted. There's a line from a book that I have constantly playing in the back of my head: "Who will do the hard things? Those who can." Sherlock is one of "those who can"; he CAN do the hard things. But always, implied in that, is sacrifice. If you choose to do the hard things, because you can, you must give up everything else. 

There is an episode of Zorro where Diego de la Vega makes the decision to give up being Zorro. He decides he is tired of not having what everyone else has. He wants a home and a family and a relationship with a woman he's fallen in love with. He tells his father what his plans are, and his father, bless him, even though he's an old man, decides that he must take up the mask and become Zorro - because someone has to. Someone HAS to do the hard things. When Diego realizes what his father is doing, and what his father is giving up, and that his father will most likely die as Zorro, they have a long discussion about what being a hero and doing the hard things actually means, how important it is that someone fill that role. Diego makes the decision to continue wearing the mask, to sacrifice everything he thinks he wants, in order to do something he realizes is more important - because he CAN. He will do the hard things, because he can. In my mind (and heart), this is Sherlock. He does what no one else does, what no one else CAN do, because he can. The sad part of all this is that usually, no one else realizes how hard those things are or what sacrifices have to be made in order to do them. The hero gets criticized for not being like other people, they get ostracized, shunned, ridiculed, misunderstood. But they still keep doing it. No matter how frustrating, lonely, terrifying the role is, they keep doing it because they know they can. No matter what they have to give up, they do it. 

I wanted to show that Sherlock has suffered all his life simply because of how he is and what he can do. And he chooses to embrace it, to stay true to himself in spite of everything, because he knows what he can do. It wears on him. It's lonely. It's exhausting. Frustrating. But he knows what he can do, and he does it, despite it all. Because someone has to.

OhAine: It’s funny, but I often think Sherlock’s sacrifice is less of a willing one than he’d have us believe. He says, ‘not my area,’ ‘while fulfilling for others,’… less ‘my mind is a temple’ than ‘I don’t think I can have both, despite the fact that I want both.’ 

satin_doll: Sherlock as hero is my own interpretation, based more on a combination of all the Sherlock's I've been exposed to over many years than on the BBC Sherlock alone. I don't really see all that many stories depicting him as a hero, which I totally understand given that so many discovered him from that series. I don't think Sherlock ever sees himself as a hero or tries to present himself as one to anyone else, but I think he's aware of the sacrifices he's had to make in order to do what he does, even in the BBC version. Otherwise I don't think he'd let anyone into his life at all, let alone work closely with people or consider anyone a "friend" - and yet that's exactly what he does, because he needs some sort of human connection even when he keeps them at a distance. There are a lot of interpretations out there of Sherlock and many many legitimate reasons people see for the way he behaves and what he does. Far be it from me to say that any of them are wrong. But for me, I don't think any hero's sacrifice is all that willing, no matter how aware he/she might be of it. In all of them, when that awareness is depicted, it takes the form of wistfulness when they realize what they've had to give up, to downright misery and attempts not to give up what they see other people having - which always fail. Sherlock is no exception in my universe.

This is where my frustration with Mofftiss comes in. Despite showing Sherlock as the supposed hero, they belittle everything else about him. They never address the facts that Sherlock literally gave up his life to save his friends, that what he does is absolutely extraordinary, in favor of depicting him as simply a social misfit with slightly nefarious motives, who needs to be changed into something resembling their idea of what "human" is. As a result, they have a schizophrenic John Watson, who never quite appreciates Sherlock or what he does despite more than ample evidence, and other characters that rather quickly become caricatures rather than actual characters. 

OhAine: I agree with you that Mofftiss belittle him, mostly through the disrespect of other characters, which really doesn’t happen in the ACD stories, certainly not by those closest to him…Watson, Mycroft... They sort of excused that away by saying ‘this turned out to be an origin story’ when we know that they were trying to convey isolation, but because they were unsuccessful it kinda sorta turned into bullying.

satin_doll: I think it's Benedict's performance more than the writing that makes BBC's version so appealing. He does capture, as much as possible given what he has to work with, Sherlock's dilemma - how to keep those connections with people in his life without letting them get too close. By episode two in series one, I was already starting to really resent the way John careened back and forth between admiration and caring and literally sneering at Sherlock for the way he was. Within minutes in episode two, series one, we have John treating Sherlock like a naughty child, then asking him for money, substituting the word "colleague" for the word friend and then jumping in to join Sherlock on an adventure. It just got worse from there. The BBC version became less about Sherlock and more and more about John's mental struggles, all the while trying to make Sherlock seem to be the one who was unstable and twisted. I know this is an unpopular viewpoint nowadays, so I don't generally say much about it. But it's been a major sticking point with me throughout all four series.

Having said all that about Mofftiss, I still watch all the episodes regularly because a) it's Sherlock Holmes, and b) I adore Cumberbatch's performance. :D

OhAine: Controversial take: I never really believed that Sherlock sacrificed himself for his friends. I think that was a consideration, one that could have been dealt with by Mycroft if he was motivated to, but I think the main reason he left London for two years was for the sheer adventure of it all… (Not true, I don’t think, of his sacrifice for Mary though…)

satin_doll: I can easily see this viewpoint. It could even be said that he left just because the people around him were simply getting too close and he needed a way to sever or lessen those ties before they got out of hand. Personally I don't think it was that simple. In the ACD version, Sherlock is gone for three years, and he's not dismantling anything - he just stays away for that long and travels around the world until he hears that the last remaining Moriarty Minion who wants to kill him is back in London. There's a bit of remorse for leaving John to grieve, but it's quickly resolved. In the Mofftiss version, it feels like a contrived set up; they use the excuse that he's doing it all to protect his friends, but really, I've never bought that between Mycroft and Sherlock they couldn't have come up with a better, easier way to deal with the situation. If they could calculate seventeen outcomes of the meeting on the roof? I mean really? 

OhAine: I’d say moving swiftly along, but neither of us do things swiftly LOL. Anyway. *Moving* along, Bring me my Queen is a stunning piece of storytelling that focuses on Molly this time, and for me it brings together your storytelling strengths in one piece. You’ve obviously drawn on real life experiences with this one, and I wonder how important that is for you? Is it a device, catharsis, processing of the emotions…?

satin_doll: It's probably all of those things. I use the stories and the characters to act out stories from my life, because it's what I know. It helps me to vent and process emotional aspects, but it also gives the characters something real to deal with; it makes them more like real people. At least in my head. It helps express beliefs, process both pain and joy, let people know what I've learned, hopefully touch them in some real way. Stories are to help us deal with real life situations, to communicate and to learn from, as well as give enjoyment and entertain us. Years ago, during a spiritual study, I read something that really struck a chord with me (I even ended up writing an article about it, which I'm sure still exists online somewhere but hell if I can find it now!): Messages from the Universe most often come to us via our favorite form of entertainment. What better way to get through to us or catch our attention than in the form of something we really enjoy? So I look at fanfic, both writing and reading, as a way to be in touch with the Universal Intelligence, a way to learn what life is trying to show me, and a way for the Universe to use me to reach others. 

And after all that, writing stories is the best way to vent that I've ever found. :D

OhAine: I think you’re right. I think the message finds us in a way that we’ll be willing to receive.

satin_doll: Back in the 1990s, I saw a movie in the theater and near the beginning was a line from one of the characters that hit me so hard, on so many levels, that I didn't even remember anything about the rest of the film. I had to see it again in order to see how it all turned out. That one line quite literally changed my life. Since then there have been many other occasions where the things I enjoy the most have contained deep words, phrases, concepts that have had incredible impact and resulted in life changes. I know most people believe that change in our lives  more often comes from pain and tragedy, but  honestly, I don't think that's true. If we pay attention, we more often learn life lessons from joy and pleasure and entertainment - and creativity. It's only when we don't pay attention that the universe has to hit us upside the head with a bat and we have to learn from pain.

OhAine: Change, and messages from the universe, is something that’s a theme in  Mango  which is also a bit of a feminist story because (and correct me if I’m off base) it’s about empowerment and independence: Molly discovering things about herself, by herself, which I thought when reading was almost a parallel for women in writing (particularly fanfiction). How important has writing been for you in developing your understanding of yourself and your own identity as a woman?

satin_doll: I'm not sure I have an answer for this one. Writing has always simply been a part of my life. I write because I can't not write. I think more of my understanding of myself and being a woman came from music, which is a notoriously misogynistic art. I actually had a male musician tell me to my face that I couldn't know that much about music because I'm female. Those were his exact words. I've played in bands with both women and men and the women have always been easiest to work with. I think part of this has to do with men viewing sex as "their area". Sex, to men, is always about them. Women in music, especially rock music, are a lot like women in fanfic, where our own sexuality is seemingly always under attack. It's as if we don't exist unless we're defined by males. I  find this absolutely absurd and hateful. Mango, the song itself, was written expressly to celebrate female sexuality. Molly dancing around the room to that song when she sees Sherlock again after  a year away, is a sort of celebration of her own self-discovery. The dance is her way of honoring herself and her sex. That Sherlock discovers her that way was very fitting, because she leads him into a discovery of his own sexuality as well. I wish more men would wake up to the fact that we can do this.

OhAine: It’s an incredible story, but then so many of yours are, so I wonder is there one of your stories that you're very proud of, or one that you're particularly happy with how the finished piece turned out?

satin_doll: Oddly enough, I don't have a lot of pride connected with my stories once they're finished. I write them and put them out there and then I'm pretty much done with them. There are some I like a little more than others, I guess - Dark I like because it broke something loose in me that apparently I'd been ignoring. I think, if I have any pride about them, it's just that I write them at all. I'm proud of myself for actually sitting down and doing them. If there is one that I would have to say I'm "proud" of, it would be An Avenue Once Bent in Shadow - one that isn't even finished and that is totally unlike any others I've written. I like it because of its intent, which is to highlight and illustrate differences and how those differences are both perceived and dealt with in the world. It sort of takes both Molly and Sherlock to the extreme, and I like that also. It's a challenge. 

OhAine: I think you should be overflowing with pride in your work. You’re gifted. Your stories are beautiful.

satin_doll: Thank you. I suppose a lot of this comes from my childhood and maybe a little bit of misunderstanding on my part about the word "pride". I think I'm more attached and proud of just having the guts to dive into the creative process at all rather than the results of it. But that's just me.

OhAine: Well then getting back to your creative process, tell me about finding a particular character’s voice. Are there things that you do to get you into their heads?

satin_doll: When I was about ten, I wanted to be an actor. This lasted for about three years. I went around trying on characters from movies and television, practicing their expressions and movements and voices. These days I tend to act out the characters in my own stories. If I can feel them physically, feel them in my body and face, I feel like I can write them. Feeling Sherlock turn his head a certain way or have an expression on his face, feeling the way Molly would look up at him or move around the lab - I tend to rely on that to get them in character, or at least how I feel they're in character. I also have to hear their voices in my head. I read all the dialogue out loud and if it doesn't fit - it don't sit. 

OhAine: I read it out loud too, something I learned in Uni. It truly helps, doesn’t it?

satin_doll: I guess there are writers who don't do this, but I don't know how they can get dialogue to work any other way. It's been said about Stephen King's work, by people who have adapted his books into film, that one of the reasons it's so hard to translate his books successfully to scripts is that he doesn't write dialogue the way people normally speak. Supposedly when you read successful dialogue, our brain translates it differently from the way we would hear it if it was spoken aloud. I've never tested this and part of me doesn't believe it. But then, I'm not an expert about any of it. I just know that being able to hear the words out loud makes a difference for me as far as character is concerned. 

OhAine:  What’s the beginning point of a story for you? Are you a methodical planner, or is it purely instinct?

satin_doll: It's purely instinct. I have tried and tried to do it the "professional", by-the-book way, and it's always a disaster. The beginning is usually a mood and it can be inspired by just about anything. Most of the time a story just comes out full blown, beginning to end; it's just there and I write it. I had one story pop into my head while I was doing dishes. I stopped, wiped off my hands, and sat down and wrote the story all at once. Then I went back to doing dishes. I don't have any idea where it came from or what inspired it, it just happened. Most of them are like that. Maybe if I was a planner and methodical about it I'd write better stories! :D But this seems to be the only way I can do it and actually get anything written. 

OhAine:  We can’t talk about fanfiction right now without talking about what’s happening on tumblr / the purge. You’ve been writing online for a good number of years and I’m sure you have a take on it…

satin_doll: Sadly, I've seen this happen over and over since 1993. A space becomes a haven for expression and then suddenly comes under attack for one reason or another by one group or another. Luckily, there will always be somewhere new to go. It's painful and sometimes a long and trying process, but in the words of Mr. Universe: "You can't stop the signal." Someplace new will open up and, for a while at least, free expression will be allowed again. William Gibson, among others, wrote about this very thing, long before the internet was established in our lives. There are always going to be those who try to squash creativity. Unfortunately, being creative doesn't fit into neat little non-offensive boxes the way some want it to. But it will survive. It always has. It's the nature of the beast.

OhAine:  It can’t help but survive given the volume of fan created content that’s out there now, there’s obviously a huge appetite to create it as well as consume. And having that said, do you think fanfiction has become mainstream?

satin_doll: Depends on your definition of mainstream. Everything eventually trickles down into the mainstream. Unfortunately this isn't always a good thing. What passes for fanfiction these days is far different from what it used to be. I won't go into "Back in the Good Ol' Days". But by definition, the mainstream waters everything down, dilutes it. It loses some of its substance. Fan fiction has gotten a lot of attention lately, partly because so much of it has dealt with issues that are in the forefront of our lives, namely sex and identity. The fact that the majority of fanfic writers are women only adds to that. The danger is that the issues could also become watered down, so to speak - diluted - because of becoming "mainstream". Hopefully fanfic will survive the process.

OhAine:  Which is why it’s so important for spaces like AO3 to exist.

satin_doll: I think it's vital to life on this planet. Censorship is one of the great evils of life. AO3 and the OTW are champions of freedom, of every human being's right to expression. I don't care how offensive that expression is, we have to protect the right to it. "I may not agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it." There's a reason those words were written and it's not just about fair play. 

OhAine: "I may not agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it." Should be AO3’s banner, tbh…

satin_doll: The older I get, the more important this has become. Censorship is subtle and insidious and infects societies on so many levels. It's not just some huge noisy machine created by the government; it can be found in very small social groups and cliques as well and results in making people invisible, which is one of the worst punishments humans have ever invented. We see the consequences of this every day in every walk of life. There's a lot to be said about all the different types of censorship that impact our lives. And I agree, that line would make a great banner for AO3. :)

OhAine: I think that’s as good a place as any to wrap thing up! Kat, it’s been an absolute joy, thanks so much for taking the time to answer my questions!

Next Friday, 8th of March, @writingwife-83 talks to @thisisartbylexie

[caden]

i feel we should examine the whole idea of “do spoilers matter” or not at a deeper level then ‘people who complain about spoilers are annoying so spoiler warnings are stupid’. like the idea that a lot of you guys seem to have of “if having the plot spoiled ruins the movie for you then the plot wasnt any good anyways” seems sort of... not fully wrong but also underdeveloped to me. like, there are tons and tons and tons of stories that are widely considered to be amazing and have clear artistic merit that you absolutely wouldn’t want spoiled. Like, you wouldnt want to know darth vader was lukes father. you wouldnt want to know bruce willis was a ghost the whole time. For drama to be effective you need tension, and a very very efficient way of keeping the audience engaged is by putting them in a mindset where they’re unsure of what will happen next, or by revealing a game-changing plot twist, or by suddenly putting a character into an unexpected position. It seems totally disingenuous to me to be like ‘well it shouldnt matter to the audience whether or not they get to be surprised by what happens in the film they’re watching’. You can’t honestly believe that to be true. Being able to be surprised by a story is like one of the fundamental draws of good storytelling and probably has been for all of human history. Imagine how much worse US or Get Out or any Shakespeare play would be if you knew exactly where the plot would go before you saw it. I know there’s some research that suggests people actually enjoy stuff more if they already know what will happen but you can cast a lot of doubt on that data-- i think that it indicates more that people are more likely to appreciate a good plot once they understand it more thoroughly, hence why you might like a great movie more the second time you watch it. That doesnt mean there isnt value in the first time, it’s just a different way of viewing it.

All that said, the stuff with people not wanting spoilers for endgame has different wrinkles to it. (dont worry im not about to spoil anything). It can’t all be chalked up to ‘people care super deeply about the characters and plot and the writing is always so unpredictable and engaging that they dont want to know a single thing before going in’. Ive spent a lot of time recently thinking about the way infinity war and endgame are constructed, and they’re made in such a way that REALLY facilitates them being ‘spoiled’. because they’re written around moments. The plot isn’t so much a naturally moving thing with motivations and momentum of its own as much as a connective tissue between various cool things happening. Like, whoa, spider-man just met the guardians of the galaxy. oh sick, theyre in wakanda. holy shit, half of them died. Endgame goes REAAAAAALLY hard on this style of writing. And as a method of milking emotion from the audience, it really really works. Assuming the moments themselves are all effective, you’re guaranteeing constant engagement because every three minutes another epic thing is gonna happen. And I think when people fault marvel fans for being obsessed with spoiler warnings, this style of filmmaking is really what they’re trying to critique. because there’s a suggestion that if your movie is just jumping from crazy twist to shocking death to funny reference to epic fight, you’re losing the thing that should actually be the connective tissue of a film-- its themes, character arcs, ideas, setting... etc. And while I personally don’t think those things are mutually exclusive, (bc i do believe that infinity war and endgame genuinely have themes they try to discuss), i would also agree with the argument that reliance on shocking moments over actual ideas is bad writing. But as I mentioned earlier, a filmmaker like Jordan Peele whose works are generally agreed to be very good also uses this writing style-- his plots escalate via twists and turns and are expertly constructed to keep the audience wondering what’ll happen next, and he does a really great job with it. 

Now, i DEFINITELY think there’s an argument for ‘disney intentionally plays up the spoiler warning angle in a way that’s ultimately toxic to the filmmaking process’. Like I don’t believe that the “tom holland doesnt get to read the script” stuff is true, I 100% think it’s all a publicity stunt-- but they shouldnt be setting a precedent that makes people think doing something like that to a lead actor is acceptable. It’s not how films should be made, and the only reason I’m sure its all fake is because I have enough filmmaking experience to know itd literally be impossible to efficiently shoot a big-budget film under those conditions. Of course all the buzz about endgame spoilers is HUGELY beneficial to their marketing teams, so obviously they’re gonna go hard as hell on enforcing that narrative. Like they 100% WANT everyone to both be spoiling the movie and getting anxious about having the movie spoiled, because its all free advertising for them. But in terms of ‘big movie studios having greedy practices that harmfully affect the artistic process and make their films worse’, its incredibly low on the list of bad stuff that studios do imo. 

So, like, if you’re gonna critique all the various aspects of that, I think you should A) put your efforts towards exposing all the spoiler panic through the lens of how it affects the way that films are produced and consumed, or B) put your efforts towards analyzing the media itself, watch the film and ask ‘is this film more engaging and well-made because of its reliance on moments that can be spoiled? If no, why is that not working? If yes, is that engagement coming at a cost or is it justified? Essentially, I’d like to feel that the criticism was either coming from a social angle or an artistic one. And if that were the case I think i’d have less of an issue with it. Just saying “people are dumb for caring about spoilers” is silly. Maybe it’s dumb, but that’s not the point. People will consume media however they want to and if they want to care about spoilers then they have a right to care. You guys aren’t wrong if you think marvel shit is stupid and badly made, because art is subjective and no opinion on it is wrong. But other people also aren’t wrong for liking and caring about it, and being like ‘we should spoil it for them to teach them a lesson” is gross and totally unproductive. I know 99% of it is jokes but you gotta remember that some people have spent a very long time being very excited to see this movie and doing something that wrecks that for them is just mean and inconsiderate. It’s not about whether them feeling that way is stupid or not, because yeah, it’s stupid to be that invested in superhero movies. It’s about it not being cool to intentionally hurt someone just because you can. And the reason i don’t have a lot of tolerance for it is because I feel like saying “caring about spoilers is stupid” is a kneejerk, surface level attempt at media criticism and we can do better. I obviously care pretty deeply about the way we consume and criticize pop culture and i think it’s in everyone’s benefit to have more productive discourse about this stuff. No ill will towards my friends who are saying the things that i’m ragging on, i obviously don’t think it’s coming from a malicious place or anything-- this is just my read on the situation. Was gonna post this like two days ago but then decided someone would prob message me a spoiler because of it lol

[longliveninokuni]

“Love”

Part of the EOA Ship Appreciation Week on Discord.

Aww, Esteban is reminiscing about his life while holding his little baby girl in his arms. It's so cute! Nothing can bring his mood down, nothing!

Ff.net link if you prefer: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13208409/1/Love

A/N: Well, today's the final day of the EOA Ship Appreciation Week. Today's theme is "emotion," and there is a LOT of emotion in here. Some good, some bad, all emotional. I'm just surprised I was able to finish it on time. Well, enjoy!

Disclaimer: The following is a non-profit, fan-based, fanfiction. Elena of Avalor is owned by the Walt Disney Corporation and Craig Gerber. Luciana is my OC, so she belongs to me. Please support the official release.

How? How is this tiny thing in Estéban's arms so...so adorable?

It was an hour since Naomi gave birth to her and Estéban's daughter Luciana, and Estéban still can't believe this is happening. He's a father. He never thought he'd ever get to experience this feeling, just meeting someone you helped create then instantly fall in love with them. He gave up hope when Shuriki invaded, then basically made him her personal plaything.

By the time she was gone, he was too old.

Then somehow, he fell in love with someone much younger than him, but she fell in love with him as well. Then Mateo found a potion that could stop the aging process and the antidote for when Naomi is his age. And then he and Naomi got married and had the crazy notion to have kids.

Now, Estéban is holding his beautiful daughter after nine months of teasing, arguments, pregnancy symptoms, and reassuring moments. Both parents had doubts about being good parents. But all of that is over, and Estéban's doubts were gone the moment he held his little girl. How is it that it took time for him to love his wife and his youngest cousin when she was born, yet he instantly fell in love with this little bundle in his arms? He has no answer.

"Welcome to the world, Luciana." He whispered. His wife is currently asleep from giving birth, and Luciana is asleep because she's a baby. He gently nuzzles his face against hers. "You've been born into a wonderful family that will love you, no matter what."

"Oh, are you sure about that, Estéban?" Estéban froze. No, no, it can't be.

He shakily rose his head, only to be face-to-face with Shuriki. "Shuriki…" He whispered.

Shuriki smirked. "Well, it looks like you've built up quite the life Estéban. You even have your own little family. It's a shame that it's all based on a lie."

Estéban held his daughter close to his chest. "What are you talking about? I've told my family everything I did forty-six years ago. My conscience is clear!"

But Shuriki only chuckled. "Oh Estéban, I think you know what I mean." In the next moment, she's standing in front of him, staring at him with an all-too-familiar look.

Estéban grew fearful and tried to back away, but Shuriki was faster. She grabbed his daughter away from him. "NO!" He yelled.

Luciana is crying from being woken up. Shuriki looks at her with disgust. "Before we go back to our activities, let's get rid of this baggage."

The next moment, Luciana's crying went silent.

Estéban sat frozen. He just watched his daughter get murdered.

Shuriki then shifted her eyes to Naomi, but before Estéban could even move an inch, Shuriki already strikes. Black lightning shoots out from her hand and strikes Naomi's sleeping form. Her screams were quick, but they were loud.

"NAOMI!" Estéban moved to her side to try to shake her awake. But she never did.

Estéban was beginning to hyperventilate. His wife and child are dead. What can he do? Elena, he can get Elena to take her down-

"Ah, and with that, the last two members of your family are dead." Shuriki says.

Estéban froze. What? He looks towards Shuriki and realizes that her whole dress is covered in blood. Whose blood? It's too much to just be his daughter's. Then, that means…

Shuriki smirks as she sees Estéban's tears. "Well now, look who finally realized that he's alone." Then she moves over to him, grabs his chin, and turns his face towards hers. "Except, for me, of course."

Estéban's eyes widened at that. No, no no no no no no! Not again, not again, not AGAIN!

Estéban screams as he tries to push Shuriki away, but she overpowers him and pulls him onto the bed. She smirks at Estéban's terror-filled face. "Let's have some fun, shall we?" Estéban only screams.

"ESTÉBAN, WAKE UP!" Someone screamed. Then Estéban suddenly felt cold and wet. His eyes opened to see Naomi, sitting over him with a bucket, alive. She puts down the bucket when she sees Estéban awake. "Geeze, you scared me for a second there. What kind of nightmare had to give you a reaction like-OOF!" She was cut off as Estéban sat up and hugged Naomi tightly as he cried.

"I thought you died." He sobbed.

Naomi slowly relaxed as she hugged him back. "How?" Estéban only cried harder. Whatever killed her in his dream must be scary if it gives a reaction like...oooooh. "Was it Shuriki?" Her only response was him tightening his hug and crying.

Naomi rubbed his back. "It's okay; she's gone now. She's gone. She can't hurt you anymore. Elena got rid of her in Nueva Vista three years ago, remember? She's gone." Estéban continues to cry.

Naomi has no idea what to do, then came another cry, and she had to smile at that. "Our daughter's awake." She said.

Estéban tensed up a bit before looking over to the little bassinet next to the bed. And lo and behold, his little girl was in there alive and crying. He carefully moved out of Naomi's straddle to get out of bed and pick up Luciana, returning to the bed soon after. "No, no, don't cry. Daddy's sorry he woke you." He said calmly. He still had tears on his face, but he seems to have calmed a little.

Naomi rested her head on his shoulder as she caressed her daughter's cheek. She then turned to Estéban and kissed his cheek. "We're fine. We're alive. Shuriki is dead. You don't have to worry about her anymore. She can't hurt you."

Estéban took a deep breath as he tries to calm Luciana down, finally being able to when he let her grab his finger. "I know. I have no idea where that nightmare came from."

"Do you want to tell me what happened?"

Estéban's silence for a few moments before he spoke. "I was dreaming about Luciana's birth, which was just a few hours ago. I was feeling happy holding her in my arms, reliving memories of us getting together-"

"You hogging our daughter to yourself?" Naomi interjected with a smirk.

Estéban gave a small chuckle. "Of course." Then his face fell. "But then, Shuriki came in. She took Luciana out of my hands, and she-" He cuts himself off, not wanting to say the rest of the sentence.

Naomi hugs him. "What happens after?"

"Then, she...kills you. While you slept." He feels her tighten her hug. "After that, she said that I was alone. But I didn't think that, the rest of our family surely must've been alive. But then I noticed the blood on her dress. There was too much." He takes a deep breath and swallows.

"Take your time; you don't have to rush. We can even end here if you want." Naomi starts rubbing his back.

Estéban starts shaking; he does want to stop here. Then he looks down at his daughter's face to see her looking right at him. Those innocent blue eyes are looking right at him. She lifted her hand that isn't holding his finger as close to his face as she could, then babbles incoherently.

Estéban's tears start falling again, but he's smiling. He kisses the hand holding his finger, and she giggles happily. "Mija."

Estéban frees his finger from Luciana's grasp and cups her cheek. "Shuriki wanted to use me. Again." He rubs his thumb gently on her cheek.

Naomi looks at him. "Did anything happen?"

Estéban shook his head. "No, that's when you woke me up." Estéban then kisses Luciana's forehead.

Naomi nods. "Are you okay?"

Estéban stood up and placed Luciana back in her bassinet. Then he returned to bed and kissed Naomi deeply. It's a few minutes before he pulled away and rested his forehead against hers. "Thank you, for everything. I have no idea what I'd do if I lost you or Luciana."

Naomi gently pushes him down into bed. "Well, good thing that won't be for a long time." Then she pulls up the covers and settles next to him. "You never answered me: are you okay?"

Estéban turned to the side facing her and hugged her. "Yeah, I'm okay now." He rests his forehead against hers again.

Naomi smiles. "Good. But, if you need anything, don't hesitate to ask."

Estéban smirks. "Well, it was a scary dream," he starts moving his hand down. "can you help me get back to sleep?"

Naomi grabs the moving hand. "Nice try, you're gonna have to wait until Luci's around six months before you even try to make me have another."

Estéban chuckles and pulls her close. "Fair enough. This'll do just fine."

And for the rest of the night, the two of them slept peacefully without incident.

In the morning, however, the two were awoken by a very hungry daughter.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

A/N: And with that, the shipping week has officially ended. *falls over dead*  Hope you enjoyed, and try not to get killed. ;)

[krreader]

something to remember

pairing: jeon jeongguk x reader fandom: bts warnings: / genre: fluff

summary: it was supposed to be a fun weekend trip filled with nice dates and fancy dinners. but jungkook had more in mind and you honestly hadn’t been prepared for it.

a/n: @glorisit​ THANK YOU BB I HOPE YOU ENJOYED YOUR TRIP AND I LOVE YOU TOO!!!!! I just wanted to say that I honestly didn’t know where I was going with this and just kept writing and then I was done and was like… this is.. kinda good? I love when that happens ahhaha. anyways, hope you all like this ♥ (also, I reALLY wanted to use a gif from the GCF video, but since JK never really films himself, this was the best I could do. so imagine this is you and not jimin lol)

ask box | masterlist | fandoms | faq | multifandom reader blog

Up until you were sat on the plane, you hadn’t even noticed that he had been filming you. He had started the second you two left the apartment, all the way to the airport, when checking in..

It was only when you turned your head from the window to face him, that you noticed he was holding his camera to film you.

“What are you doing?” you chuckled.

Even though he had his hoodie on as well as his face mask, you could see it in the way the corners of his eyes wrinkled, that he was grinning happily.

“Filming you.”

“I can see that. But I don’t understand why you’re doing it.”

“Because you’re pretty?”

You gently pushed the camera down, but only so you could press a kiss against his nose through the face mask, “You’re cute, you know that?”

From the way he was giggling like a ten year old, he seemed to have enjoyed that.

The truth was, this trip was so much more than a casual boyfriend/girlfriend weekend trip. This was something he wanted to remember. He obviously would even without the camera, but he wanted to be able to watch it again when he was old and wrinkly and you and him were sitting on the porch of your house with fifteen grandchildren.

He literally filmed everything.

You arriving in Tokyo, arriving at the hotel, having breakfast, lunch, going on a sightseeing tour. If he wasn’t filming you, he was filming the city.

He documented every little thing and every time you so much as smiled, the camera would be on you and he’d capture the moment.

You went from one date to the next, up until that same night when you had dinner, before retreating to your room. It was only then, that he finally turned off the camera for the night.

“So what’s really going on?”

“Huh?” he took off his shirt and crawled into bed with you, immediately raising his arm, so that you could cuddle into his side.

“The whole filming thing.. I doubt you’re going to be able to publish this, or ARMY will go crazy. They’re okay with us now, but if you post this, they’re going to flock me.”

“They won’t flock you..”

“Remember when you accidentally hinted that you and I have had sex before? Remember that debate?”

True that. But what exactly did everyone expect? That he was still a virgin? That he would be till marriage? Like, sure, he could have been and he wouldn’t have minded if you hadn’t been comfortable with it, but you’ve been with each other for more than three years now. It was only natural that it had happened eventually.

“It’s not for ARMY. It’s for myself. And for you.”

“As like a birthday present?” you looked up at him with shining eyes and he instantly down at you.

“I’m not going to tell you, or it won’t be a surprise anymore.”

“Oh, come on. At least give me a hint.”

“Stop this,” he laughed and pressed a kiss against your forehead, “Now sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a long day.”

You hadn’t actually known what he had planned, since he hadn’t given you any details beforehand. But like the day before, it was one date followed by the other, one amazing thing that topped the one before. You honestly hadn’t expected a vacation like this, especially because this was usually only something a guy would do for his girlfriend on her birthday or an anniversary. But it definitely wasn’t either of these things, you had already checked. Twice.

The camera was always on, especially that night before your flight back.

Jeongguk had decided the best way to end this trip was to go to Disney for a couple of hours.

You were first looking around the park for a bit, going on a couple of rides, before having dinner in the Blue Bayou restaurant (which was really romantic, by the way). Again, he did not turn the camera off for a minute, always kept it on you to capture every single moment.

But it was never on him.

Well.. not until the end anyways.

You had just wanted to go to the bathroom before the firework would begin and he took that opportunity to set up the camera, crouching down in front of it and smiling happily.

“I hope you’re still with her when you’re watching this. She’s the best thing that’s ever going to happen to you, understood? Treat her right, for the rest of your life and give her all the love she deserves. Or I will come to the future and kick your ass, Jeon Jeongguk,” he grinned, “But for now.. wish me luck.”

“What are you doing?” you laughed as you came back out, “The firework is about to start, come on..”

“I know, I know..,” he rushed to your side and stopped you from walking away when you wanted to, “We can watch it from here.”

“What.. without the camera? You filmed me having breakfast twice, food staining my clothes, but you don’t want to film this?”

“But that’s just one of the things I love about you,” he wrapped his arms around your middle and you yours around his neck, “I love when you’re eating much, because then I know that you’re okay and healthy. I love the sounds that you make when it tastes good, because then I know that you’re happy. And I love it when you tell me you’re full, because then I don’t have to worry about you.”

“What is this?” you laughed, your eyebrows drawn together in confusion, though.

“It’s just me telling you things that I never really told you or not told you enough, but I should have. You know, like how beautiful you are.”

“Jeongguk,” you giggled, “You’re making me flustered, stop this.”

“I haven’t even started,” he quickly kissed your forehead, before looking back into your eyes, “You know.. I used to think that I wouldn’t meet my soulmate until I was much older and not in this industry anymore. I never thought I’d meet you by coincidentally sitting on the same park bench one day and I couldn’t tie my shoe laces together because my hand had been injured. I remember how I immediately fell in love with your kindness, when I only had to look at you with my pleading eyes and you instantly tied them back together. I remember how I fell in love with your eyes when they lit up as you smiled. You know how they always say you meet the love of your life when you least expect it.. and that’s really the truth. The more days you and I spend together, the more I realize that I don’t want to spend the rest of my life without you. And even when we have little fights or arguments, I still never, not once, want you to get out of my life. Because no matter how much my future might change, there’s always one fixed point. And that’s you, (Y/N).”

The more he spoke, the more you began to tear up.

Jeongguk wasn’t necessarily someone that never talked about his emotions or feelings, but never in that sense. Never so deeply. You were truly touched by his words, but even when he was saying all of this, you didn’t think, not even for a second, that he would do what he did next.

“I know we’re young.. and many others are going to think that I’m crazy for doing this. But I honestly do not have a single doubt about it. I know that this is what I want and I want it to last forever.. so..”

“Oh my god,” you breathed out as he pulled out the ring box and got down on one knee with a smug grin.

You didn’t know if he was confident, but he sure as hell loved that he was able to surprise you like this, because you really hadn’t expected this tonight.

“I don’t want you to be my girlfriend anymore, (Y/N). I want you to be my wife. I want to call you mine forever.. so..,” he opened up the ring box, a shiny engagement ring staring at you, “Will you marry me?”

Three years you have been with him. Three years, were you cherished him each and every day as much as he cherished you. And like he had said, there was not one single day, that you wanted your future to be without him. Yes, there were obviously arguments and fights, but they were normal and the important thing was that even during that time, nothing changed.

You loved him, more than anything in the world.

And you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him.. you just never thought he would be as serious about this as to asking you to marry him at this age.

But you could see it in his eyes. The sincerity, the earnestness and the love he held for you. This wasn’t just a mood, something that would pass in a couple of weeks and then he’d regret it.

No, he was dead serious about this.

And fortunately for him, so were you.

“I do,” you finally answered and as cocky as he had been, the second the question was out in the open, he had held his breath, now finally able to let it out with a big grin.

“You do?”

“I do,” you repeated and leaned down to kiss him happily, the first tears rolling out of your eyes.

Jeongguk slowly got up from the ground, only stopping the kiss so that he could put the ring on your finger, before he wrapped his arms around you like before and pulling you against him like he’d never let you go again.

“There’s one more thing,” he said after a while of kissing/you crying (it was just really wet and you didn’t know whether that was the kiss or the tears, but probably the latter).

“I don’t know how much I can handle, to be honest,” you laughed, while you tried to dry off your face with your sleeve.

He pressed one last kiss against your nose, before letting go of you, only to wrap his arms around you from behind when the fireworks began.

At first there were a couple of normal ones, big ones, that reflected in your eyes like stars.

And then there was one that had you gasp, laughing a couple of seconds later. Because there, in the sky, midst all of the random colorful fireworks, it said: “She said yes!”

“Glad you didn’t say no, or this would have been awkward,” he chuckled, as he kissed a spot behind your ear.

How could you have ever said no, when he truly was the love of your life? Age didn’t matter if you were as sure as you two were.. this was the right thing to do, without a doubt.

And while you were amazed by the fireworks, Jeongguk turned around to the camera and winked, giving a big thumbs up.

That would be a good way to end the video.

[seoulfulreverie-blog]

to my love,

we had a year and a month together. and that was the most challenging, painful and yet beautiful year of my life. i have met you 3 years ago, and about 2 years ago i get to know you better. i don't know why but i knew that day, when you told me your stories, i knew i had to be with you to protect you and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. it didn't take us long to realize that there was no one else we would rather be spending the rest of our lives with. they don't know about us. they don't know how i get lost within your touch. they don't know how i get drunk with your kisses. but it didn't take long for me to realize that i was beyond ready to be yours and take you as my wife also. there is something about you that makes me fall even harder for you every single day.

i wanted it to be as simple yet sincere as possible. your white dress would be perfectly made, but it would be nothing compared to your beauty. i had the list of our guests on my mind. i got a lot of possible venues. and every time i looked at you, i feel completely at ease. our perfect day was planned, my love. but i am not sure if it would ever come.

i would always remember that unusual friday morning that i lost you for good. instead of me waking up late for it was supposedly my rest day after a long and tiring school week, i woke up early, and had the chance to stare and be lost in your beauty. it was not as what i have read in books or watched in the dramas. our break up scene was pretty cute and lighter than it should be. we shared our most genuine smiles and laugh that made me realize, "how could i not fall in love with this lovely creature?"

you were my best friend, the love of my life and my future. i didn't want to imagine my life without you. or maybe, i just couldn't. it was something i didn't prayed for. but i prayed. i prayed that i was having a bad dream. i prayed to wake up. but i wasn't asleep. it was real. you are finally letting me go. you are finally opening yourself to the cruel world that we are living in. it hurts. but i needed to let you go. for you to find your happiness. for us to grow. so i did let you go. i thought i was never gonna cry that day. because we're all good. but i did. i freaking cried in front of you, and you didn't. and though it hurts, it made me smile. because for once, you are on the brighter side. and you didn't cry because of me. i still think that i am not worthy of those precious tears.

they say that time heals all wounds. but i think it's bullshit. what really happens is that the spaces between the times i miss you grow longer. then when i do think of you, the pain is stabbing me. and then there's the guilt, the guilt of dragging you in this situation. me falling for my best friend. the society hates it. the people disapprove it. but my heart still chooses you every single freaking time. but i had to let you go now. with this, maybe we could make things right. or at least, we could be both ready for doing the same mistake if we decided to in the future.

everyone thought that it would hurt the most at night. and apparently screaming through the silence and darkness of two a.m. but for me, it's around eight o'clock in the morning. on a saturday. the smell of the coffee and the sound of my favorite old songs are hitting me and makes me miss you so much that i started to forget how to breathe. i want to crumble on the floor, feel the pain and cry my heart out. and every time i don't, i almost do. so i force myself to stay standing.

and though i am lucky enough to get the chance to see you every school days, i still miss everything about you. i miss the good old days with you. because basically, i won't be able to do the things we used to do. because i am not your lover anymore. i can't take you to dates every time i want to. i can't steal kisses on you anymore. i won't be able to touch you like i used to. it sucks. but i still carry the memories of the things you said, how you loved me when i don't even liked myself, how you believed in me when i don't even trust myself, how safe i felt when i am with you, how you smelled and tasted. those memories are so dear to me that they will stain my heart everywhere i go. i can't imagine that you would reshape these memories with someone else.

i'd probably miss the sparks on your brown eyes every time we watch your favorite disney movies, and how you can't choose what among those disney movies is the best because you literally loved them all. i will forever crave for the way you looked at me when i stumble out of bed in the morning to get a cup of coffee and prepare for my daily routine. i won't forget those precious smiles when i can't reach something.

i hate to admit that i never expected our story to end when it hasn't even truly began yet. i met the love of my life, but i wasn't sure if it would be just me for the rest of your life.

i can't imagine how you would manage to erase me from your past, although i doubt that you would really do that. i mean, we are all good, aren't we?

but before that happens, i want you to remember that i, the person you used to love, whose heart skips a beat every time i see you, who happily sat with most of your bad habits without much to complain, who, quite frankly, would have done anything and everything just for you.

i hope that whoever you ended up with, realizes how lucky he is. it was and will always be my dream to be him. i was supposedly the one running into your arms after a long and tiring day.

if there were any ways that i could be yours for the rest of my life, i would, but right now i can't tell. i love you enough to know that it's time for me to let you go. all i can pray is that one day, we won't be afraid to love. we won't be afraid to take any risk just to give the love of our lives the love they deserve. at the end of this crazy journey, i hope you'd find the love of your life, i hope it is still me, but if not, i hope he makes your life easier and he brings you nothing but peace and joy. even on my worst day, i love you too much to want less for you.

i love you, forever and always. keep that smile on your face, and please, always choose to be happy.

if ever the destiny fails us, see you in next lifetime, my love.

with all the love,

m.a.d

[essiefreds]

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18,  Part 19, Part 20, Part 21, Part 22

Word Count: 2505

Tagged: @hotemotionalmess, @hufflepeople, @justtolkienabout

Three days passed. As you’d expected, Director Fury was, well, furious with you. He’d almost immediately forbidden you from approaching Steve again, and you submitted more than willingly, not thinking you could face him again, even if you wanted to. 

To your surprise, and panic, they had not placed Steve under surveillance. When you demanded to know why, Fury merely said that it was impossible for anything to happen to him. You had no idea what he meant by that, and he said, crisply, “Think about it." 

Which you had, and after some contemplation, you determined that it was because of the serum he’d been injected with to become the super soldier. No doubt, it had granted him invulnerability of some kind. Not that that mattered, if Steve was considering hurting himself. Someone needed to check on him, make sure he was at least acting subdued, and not responding to what you’d done with rage or a depressive state. 

During the middle of the fourth day since your movie-terror-fiasco, Nick Fury arrived at your office, where you’d been hiding out since the event. He did not knock on the door, nor did he pause to greet you. His opening line was, "He wants to see you." 

You looked up. You’d attempted to focus on Stark’s file while you’d been under personal lock down, but had mostly failed out of worry for Steve. That did not mean you relieved to hear Nick Fury announce that Steve wanted to speak with you. 

"And you’re just going to let me see him, even though you dismissed me from my task?" 

"I’m reinstating you, since he explicitly stated that he wanted to speak with you,” Fury answered. He was not looking directly at you, which you were thankful for. “Might I suggest that you don’t do anything else insanely stupid?" 

"You don’t even need to suggest it, boss,” you sighed, and stood up to head upstairs. 

Fury accompanied you, although he did not speak on the way. Once you’d reached the appropriate floor, he disembarked the elevator with you, and walked with you to Steve’s apartment’s door. You glanced at him, almost tempted to ask why he was following, but it was clear; he wasn’t leaving you alone with the super solider, not even with the request from Steve to see you. 

The realization hurt. Quite a lot. 

Still, when Steve opened the door, he did not look pleased to see Fury standing outside it with you. “I asked for Y/N,” was his first sentence, and you looked at the director. 

His good eye was twitching, already. “I know,” he said, keeping his voice level, “but considering the circumstances -”

“What do you think she can do?” Steve asked, interrupting. You blinked. No one had to gall to interrupt Nicholas Fury, ever, and the last person whom you’d expect to do so was courteous Steven Rogers. “I would like to talk to her alone, please." 

Fury was pissed, and you were annoyed to sense that it was directed more at you than at Steve. You had no idea why Steve wanted to talk to you, and you definitely had no idea why he wanted to do so alone. Fury could be pissed at you for setting back the mission by three days, but he had no right to be pissed at you for Steve’s decision. 

Still, he backed down easier than you would have expected. "Fine,” he muttered, “but I’m not leaving the floor.”

“Then don’t,” Steve said, curtly, before he gestured for you to enter the apartment with a jerk of his head. 

You didn’t like the way he was acting at all. He was being… cold, and, even though you’d known him for a total of maybe 10 hours all together, at most, you’d never thought that cold was something Steve Rogers could be. At least, not without good reason. 

And you supposed he did have a good reason. 

You entered the apartment, and moved into the main space, although you did not sit down on the couch, like you would have in any other circumstance. Instead, you lingered near the counter in the kitchen, watching him carefully. 

He moved into the main space as well, after closing the door. He stood on the opposite side of the couch from you, and, for a long moment, there was only silence. 

Eventually, however, he spoke: “Peggy Carter was one of only two people I ever fell in love with. Yes, that movie we watched together made me think of her and I, and what could have been, but it also made me realize that, what I want, which is for us to be able to be together, is… nothing more than a fantasy, something that only happens in movies." 

"Captain Rogers -”

“No, just, I want to get this out,” he said, holding up a hand. You fell back into silence. He inhaled, slowly. “I just… watching that movie was a rude awakening, for me, and I’ve already had one more of those than I would have liked in my lifetime." 

You thought, maybe, that was meant to be a joke, but you did not laugh. Steve didn’t either. 

"There’s plenty of things from my past that I have to let go of,” he continued, “and I’ve decided that I’ve held onto them long enough.” He gestured, and you followed his arm’s movement. To your surprise, you saw that the outdated radio had been removed from the table next to the couch, and that the old-fashioned TV had been upgraded to something more modern, and bigger. 

He then looked at you. “Even though you kind of helped me realize all this in the worst way possible, you were the one to do it,” he said, “and… I’d like for you to be the one to help me with the rest." 

The thing inside of you that had been panicking for three whole days let out the loudest sigh of relief in the world. Your knees felt weak, and you placed a hand on the counter in order to help support yourself. You looked at him, never feeling more grateful for anything in your entire life. 

"I’m glad, because I want to be the one to help you with the rest, and I promise I won’t do something like that again.”

The corner of his mouth quirked upwards, and he nodded in agreement. “I’d prefer it if you didn’t." 

You managed a small chuckle, and then you said, "So… uh, let’s avoid movies from now on, unless… well." 

"What?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. 

You met his eyes, and smiled. “How do you feel about Disney movies?" 

"I really liked the one about the elephant,” he admitted after a moment, and your smile grew. 

“Oh, do you have a journey ahead of you." 

It was his turn to laugh, and your chest lightened even further. Thank God he was so forgiving. You didn’t know what you would have done if he’d asked you to come talk to him, just to let you know that he hated you and never wanted to speak to you again. 

Of course, you doubted that was part of Steve Rogers’s constitution. 

Many hours later, you’d watched all of the Disney animated films that had come out during Steve’s time period, and had moved on to the fifties. He said that he liked Lady and the Tramp, which wasn’t a surprise to you in the slightest. You had sort of been able to tell he was a dog person, as soon as you’d told him you had a cat. 

"You never named your cat?” he asked later, as you were eating dinner. You hadn’t expected him to want to do that, especially after all those movies, but he’d actually insisted that you stay. You knew that Director Fury had to be even more pissed. 

“They don’t really learn their names,” you explained. “I grew up with cats; our house was never cat-free, and although we gave them all names, they never… listened to them, so I just decided it was easier to call him ‘Cat’. Or 'Kitty’." 

Steve looked annoyed by this news. "How do you not name your pet?” he mumbled, more to himself than to you. 

“All right, I get it,” you said, focusing on your food again. Tonight it was roast beef, which was kind of the same thing as the chicken, just with carrots instead of green beans, and the gravy was dark brown rather than light. “I’m crazy, whatever.”

“Yes, you are,” Steve said, “and if I ever meet your cat, I am definitely naming it for you." 

"You want to meet my cat?” you asked, and he nodded. “Huh.”

“What?" 

"I just thought of you more as a dog person.”

“Oh, I am,” he said, grinning, “don’t get me wrong. But an animal’s an animal. Especially one that you can pet.”

Wow. You’d never thought someone’s love of soft pets could be so endearing, but here you were, smiling at Steve like an idiot. 

Thankfully, you caught yourself before he did, and you quickly turned your attention down to your food again. After a moment, you paused in cutting into your roast, and glanced up at him again. Something he’d said before had been poking at the back of your brain since he’d said it, and now you couldn’t help your curiosity any longer. 

“What is it?” he questioned, seeing your expression as he took a drink from his water glass. 

“Before, you said that you’ve fallen in love twice,” you said, slowly. His expression changed to one of barely contained distress. You tilted you head. “Was the other person James Barnes?" 

He exhaled a breath, turning his attention down to his food for a moment, probably as he thought of something to say. "It’s… it’s not good, is it?” he asked. 

“Well, opinions about that sort of thing have definitely changed since you took your ice nap,” you told him, “but there are some people who still aren’t… comfortable with it. I’m not one of those people." 

"At least I have that going for me,” Steve said, looking at you with a grateful expression. You shrugged back, and he blinked a few times. “Just… Bucky grew up in the orphanage with me, and even though I was always getting into fights that I shouldn’t have, he was there to help, every time. Even after we got out of the orphanage, he was there. And just… he was my best friend." 

This was, unfortunately, a topic that you could not sympathize with him on. You’d never fallen in love, hadn’t ever had the time to do so. Still, it was sweet, seeing him talk about someone that he had been in love with, seeing how much it affected him, even now. And you wished, desperately, that you could do something to heal the pain that he must be in, knowing that one of the people he’d loved was gone. Both of them were. 

At least, you thought so.

Something else to talk to Fury about, I think, you thought to yourself, poking at your food, no longer feeling very hungry. 

"What about you?" 

You glanced up, startled out of your reverie by Steve’s question. At first, you didn’t know what he was asking about, and then you realized he probably meant your love life. 

You forced a smile, and shook your head. He cocked his own. "No?”

“It’s uh, nonexistent, for lack of a better term,” you said. “I’ve never had the time to get involved with anyone serious, just a few odd dates here and there." 

"I see,” Steve said, “so in a way, you’re just as inexperienced in that area as I am." 

Your smile strengthened. "You’re actually probably more experienced than I am.”

“Well, I don’t know about myself, but you should definitely give it a chance,” Steve said, pointing at you with his fork. 

Your smile faded, and you returned your gaze to your plate. “Yeah, I think I’ll… not. Thanks, though. Too much to focus on already.”

“What, me?” Steve queried. 

“And something else that I think they’re going to force me on sooner or later,” you sighed, thinking of Tony Stark’s file, which still sat on your desk. 

“Oh, did they find someone else frozen in ice?”

You granted him a smirk at that. “No,” you said. “Just… a stubborn billionaire genius whose help SHIELD needs with something." 

"Ah,” Steve said. “I’ve dealt with geniuses before. They can go different ways.”

“Exactly,” you replied, and then you paused as you absorbed what it was he’d said. “What genius did you work with?”

“Well, the one who created the serum, Dr. Erskine, he was basically a genius,” Steve said, “and then there was Howard Stark.”

“Huh.” He looked at you, fork suspended in air. “You might need to give me some tips on how to handle a Stark.” At his blank expression, you waved your hand in the air. “SHIELD wants me to talk to Howard’s son, Tony.”

“Oh.” Steve frowned a bit. “Howard didn’t seem the type to settle down and have a family.”

“Yeah, I’m sure it surprised everyone,” you agreed. “He was one of the people who co-founded SHIELD, along with…” You trailed off, and gestured again. 

“Peggy?” Steve suggested, and you nodded. He actually looked a little proud to hear the news. “That doesn’t surprise me at all." 

"You knew her through the army, right?” you asked, to make sure you remembering what he’d told you that first day correctly.

“Yes,” he responded. “She was present when I was injected with the serum, and then… she was just always there, in some way or another. She was the last person I spoke to, before I piloted the plane into the ocean.”

All the more reason to find out what Fury knows about Agent Carter’s whereabouts, you decided. Surely, if Peggy Carter had died, it would have been a sad day for the entirety of SHIELD. You’d been working for SHIELD almost two years now. If Agent Carter had the same longevity of your grandparents, no doubt she could still be alive. 

You really needed to talk to Director Fury. 

As such, you left Steve as soon as you’d finished eating, promising you’d see him the next day, and hurried for Fury’s office. He’d long since left the hallway Steve’s apartment was down, and you were relieved to find him seated behind his desk, speaking to Deputy Director Maria Hill. 

“Director Fury, Deputy Director?” you spoke before stepping into the room, so as to not overhear anything, and they both looked at you. 

“What is it, Agent Y/LN?” Director Fury asked, still, apparently, annoyed with you. 

“I uh… I wanted to ask you about Margaret Carter,” you said, entering his office, holding your hands behind your back. 

The look on both of their faces as soon as you spoke her name was answer enough for you: Peggy Carter was still alive.

[lico-butterflyeffect]

“If you want to make everyone happy, don't be a leader - go sell ice cream.” - Steve Jobs

Sometimes successful people sound kind of mean. I used to being unable to understand why. But I realized after I went over the bar of “Satori / Awakening / Realization” (Of course the journey is still going on and I still have things to learn, till the day I die and even after, even next life) that what they said was the truth; the truth that everybody will eventually understand at some point. They knew the truth, especially those who once had a heard time and learned there and rose up know that's the way it should have been. My friends sometimes told me that I was sweet hearted but they also told me that I was too nice, too kind, too gentle (even though I looked intimidated) so I needed to be a bitch sometimes. So I tried to be a bitch but I couldn't be enough because I wasn't ready because I didn't understand why I shouldn't be too nice to everybody. I used to be misunderstanding what the true love is before I came into Satori area, and that's why I couldn't understand what they really meant (both successful people and my friends). But once I went over the Satori bar (I mean not when I was trying to be bitchy), naturally I realized how the true love is, and I finally understood why I needed to be bitch like sometimes. I used to be nice to everybody before I love myself, I used to try to be nice anytime even though I sacrifice myself, I used to be nice to others rather than being nice to myself and that's the biggest problem that kept misleading me.

“The thing about smart people is they sound crazy to dumb people. (The original one is “The thing about smart people is that they seem like crazy people to dumb people.” by Stephen Hawking)”

To love, to be kind to, to cherish, to make happy, to give freedom, to make one feel comfortable / reassured / abundance / perfect or integrity, not to sacrifice, not to force, not to push one hard, to believe, to have a faith in, to accept one's perfection = to love unconditionally = not to deny = let it go / let it be / be still, to be neutral, to be calm, not to give up... those are belonging to the property of [Love=God (Whole / Integrated, Nature, Universe)] .

In contrast,

To fear, not to be kind, not to cherish or to underrate, to hurt, to take one's freedom away or to tie one down or to cling / attach to, to make one worry, to threaten, not to admit one's perfection or integrity, to sacrifice, to force something or to do, to try to control or to try to change (yourself, others, situation or environment, result; which means trying to solve a problem is also controlling the result or avoiding things / others to be the way it is = not admitting the one's perfection = not to love unconditionally), to deny, to be defensive / offensive, to attack, to beat / win, to rush, to compare / compete, to be jealous, to doubt, to give up... those are belonging to the property of [Fear=Ego (Individual / Isolated, One person: not including other kind of creatures like animals or nature)] .

And repeated thoughts, beliefs or action belong to the property of [Love=God] takes you higher and repeated thoughts, beliefs or action belong to the property of [Fear=Ego] drags you down. That's why they say “Always choose LOVE” (if you live happily, if you wanted to see heaven on earth, if you wanted to enter The Kingdom of God).

But it's not so simple to us being human when we try to choose love; Of course it's not so hard to choose love for yourself or for others, but when it comes to choosing love between self and others, we often get confused, and try to put others first sacrificing ourselves or ignoring what really want and that's the problem even though they say that self-sacrifice is a beautiful thing (Now I definitely can say HELL NO to it because I'd already learned it in hard way. If you try to be nice before you love yourself, you'll go through “People don't understand even though I love them this much.”, “People don't understand even though I try so hard.”, “People don't love me as I love them.”, “People can't see how good I am.”, “I can't get what I want even though I've been try more than my hardest.” kind of situations, because if you can't see your true worth, people will never become able to see it, if you treat yourself bad, people will treat you bad because the world is always following what you hold / believe within yourself. - “Everything starts from within” and that's why you'll fall if you keep trying to do something to what you see without doing something to what you can't see means what's within you - what you can see doesn't matter, it doesn't have power, but what's within you matters, it has the power, that is divine and can move even whole world).

“Life is a balance of holding on and letting go.” - Rumi

“If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.” - Buddha

To try to love others before you love yourself is like building a house without laying the groundwork; no matter how high you build, it's so unstable and will eventually fall. Actually you can't love anything anybody really if you haven't loved yourself truly and learn what the true love is. To love yourself contains to be kind to yourself, to cherish yourself, to make yourself happy, to give yourself freedom, to make yourself feel comfortable / reassured / abundance / perfect or integrity, not to sacrifice yourself, not to force yourself something or to do, not to push yourself hard, to believe yourself, to have a faith in yourself, to accept perfection of yourself = to love yourself unconditionally = not to deny yourself = let worry, anxiety, things to make your feel fear, uncomfortable, unhappy or disable / being tied down like problems or mean immature people go / let it all be or ignore / be still, to be neutral, not to give up on yourself. Once you start loving yourself eventually you'll realize that you should have been treated like this (even though both yourself and some people didn't treat you like you do now). And you'll realize your true worth, means the worth that God originally had given to you since birth. And then you gain absolute confidence that never fades or gets shaken. And then you'll finally know what the true love is. At the same time, you'll realize that others (people, animals, nature, things, matters, events) should be treated like you treat yourself and you'll know truly how to love others. And eventually you'll realize importance of giving freedom to both yourself and others (world) / admitting perfection of yourself and others (world) / letting both yourself and others (world) be. Which means, you'll learn that only responsibility that you have to take is yourself and if you love yourself you can make both yourself and others (world) including ones you love happy and better, so you need to focus on loving yourself (including loving what you love and doing things you love) to make yourself happy and everything else is a distraction. And then you'll become able to put yourself first for happiness and evolution of both yourself and others (world). But it's not so easy and sometimes you need to have courage to keep loving yourself or putting yourself first, because sometimes people don't understand what you already learned and understood,  sometimes you need to let go of people you used to love if they don't try to see the truth (You need to give up good for greater thing sometimes. You can't try to make them understand because also they have their own timing to realize and understand it and they'll eventually understand it naturally because that's what God does. And if you try to make them understand clinging to them / being afraid to lose them, that's [Fear=Ego] so your repeated thoughts, belief or action will drag you down because of Karma; What you radiate within yourself will come back to you in some way eventually. So you'll see that letting it go / letting it be / giving it freedom / loving unconditionally / accepting the perfection of them (world) / being still is the best way), and sometimes people can't see that what you are doing is LOVE and you are choosing the best way or the way is should be and they start discourage you or dislike you, but still you gotta keep loving yourself and choosing what's best for you and believing what you'd already learned and once you decided to choose to love / believe (Love never gives up). Loving yourself is life long / endless journey and it's definitely a great deal (not simple as it seems, not small or powerless or meaningless as it may seem, so no time to be distracted or discouraged because loving yourself is making both yourself and the world happier and evolve. Each one of us really need to focus on loving ourselves and make ourselves happy for greater good).

“Love yourself first and everything else falls in line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” - Lucille Ball

“Respect your efforts, respect yourself. Self-respect leads to self-discipline. When you have both firmly under your belt, that’s real power.” - Clint Eastwood

“You are not for everyone. Just be you and the right people will come into your life.”

“If you don't see your worth, you'll always choose people who don't see it either. When your self esteem rises, your life follows.” - Mandy Hale

“Don't pressure yourself. Don't worry about what others think you should do or what the societal 'norm' is. Do what moves you and makes you smile and the good will follow.” - Misha Collins

“Don't grow up, it's a trap. / That's the real trouble with the world, too many people grow up. They forget.” - Walt Disney

“Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.” - Confucius

“Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.” - Lao Tzu

“A rebel lives his life in total freedom. He does not allow anybody to interfere in it, he never interferes in anybody else's life.” - Osho

“The greatest fear in the world is of the opinions of others. And the moment you are unafraid of the crowd you are no longer sheep, you become a lion. A great roar arises in your heart, the roar of freedom.” - Osho

“There is no need for you to change the world; just change yourself and you have started changing the whole world. If even a single human being changes, that change will radiate to thousands and thousands of others. You will become a triggering point for a revolution which can give girth to a totally new kind of human being.” - Osho

“I want you to become absolutely selfish. Love yourself, be yourself. Don't be distracted by any type of people - religious, political, social, educational. Your first responsibility is neither towards religion nor towards nation. Your first responsibility is towards yourself.” - Osho

“I don't care what you think about me. I don't think about you at all.” - Coco Chanel

“Keep your heels, head and standards high.” - Coco Chanel

“If it doesn't feel right, don't do it. That is the lesson, and that lesson alone will save you a lot of grief.” - Oprah Winfrey

“As you become clear about who you really are, you'll be better able to decide what is best for you - the first time around.” - Oprah Winfrey

“You can't live your life for other people. You've got to do what's right for you, even if it hurts some people you love.” - Nicholas Sparks (The Notebook) 

“Decide who you are, and wanna become. This world doesn't like those who are different. Don't let anyone tell you who you should be.” - Carl Manfred | Detroit: Become Human

“What a revelation it was when she realized she didn't need to settle.” - Amy Rubin 

“Millions of people can believe in you and yet none of it matters if you don't believe in yourself.” - Warren Buffett

“If your happiness depends on what somebody else does, I guess you do have a problem.” - Richard Bach

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” - Rumi

“A man who conquers himself is greater than one who conquers a thousand men in battle.” - Buddha

“Don't compare yourself with anyone in this world. If you do so, you are insulting yourself.” - Bill Gates

“The one thing that you have that nobody else has is you. Your voice, your mind, your story, your vision. So write and draw and build and play and dance and live as only you can.” - Neil Gaiman

“If you are working on something exciting that you really care about, you don't have to be pushed. The vision pulls you.” - Steve Jobs

“Chase the vision, not the money; the money will end up following you.” - Tony Hsieh

So those who once had a hard time and had to learn to rise up or rise back up (for instance, Oprah Winfrey, Steve Jobs, Warren Buffett, Jon Bon Jovi, Pharrell Williams, Misha Collins, Jenna Marbles... I think even Paris Hilton or Beyonce once had a hard time even though you can't tell, because they know some truth) know importance of loving yourself / believing yourself and sometimes they sound ridiculous, crazy, mean, childish or quite different than others, but still they never give up loving themselves / believing themselves and they never stop, regret or back down even when someone can't see their truth and say he/she is a bitch / an ass / a douche or is stuck up, because they know it's for both themselves and greater good.

“How people treat you is their Karma; How you react is yours.” - Wayne Dyer

“If you are irritated by every rub, how will you become polished?” - Jalaluddin Rumi 

“It took a while to understand the beauty of just letting go.”

“People with goals succeed because they know where they are going.”