#I dont want my stuff used I want it to be enjoyed
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would you be open to doing bf headcanons for hamzah? they could be sfw and nsfw or just sfw. love ur writing :). <3
BF Headcanons _♡
SFW
i’m a very opinionated person, so asking me about my hamzah headcanons is a FIELD DAY for me
I’ve always said this but I feel like hamzah (in the beginning of the relationship) is very shy? Not in the way of “ignore any possible interaction between you and him” but more of a “ignores eye contact after a kiss” or “blushes when you call him a nickname for the first time”
He acts like he hates when you baby him but behind closed doors… BIGGEST BABY EVERRRR
It took him a while to hold your hand in public, not because he's embarrassed but again because he gets too flustered when you run your thumb up and down against the back of his hand,,, or when you play with his hands in general.
I MENTIONED THIS BEFORE IN FIC BUT HAMZAH IS AN EAR BLUSHER AND HE'S SO CUTE WAA
If you get on his lap and play with his hair while talking about random stuff, and you kiss him out of nowhere HE’LL SMILE THIS BIG SMILE AND COVER HIS EARS IM CRYINGGGGG HES SO CUTE
Speaking of kissing lololol
Hamzah’s kisses are SENSUAL, he takes his time and really makes sure you feel his love
Contrary to popular belief i feel like if you’re with hamzah for long enough his love language becomes physical touch
And i dont say that and mean ONLY kisses but hes such a cuddly person. HE NEEDS THAT TLC HES A BIG BOY
BUT. Big but! He is not the type of person to show affection publicly IM SORRYYY
Holding hands and hugging is fine but i think more intimate things he’d rather do in private…
Not because hes embarrassed as i said, he gets shy at other people perceiving that version of him especially since he isn’t ‘acting’ or ‘joking’
Also he feels like only you deserve to see him like this hehehe
His love language is quality time. Like actually.
His head on your chest, playing stardew valley on his ipad. You watching TV or reading while playing with his curls.
Another form of this is that he’ll ask you to be him and martins cameraman just to have you there with him
Or he’ll ask if you want to try a new coffee shop that opened down the street
He’s a man that likes to be around you 24/7
ALSO ALSO ALSO OMG OMG
HE WOULD SO FORCE YOU TO DO BACKGROUND VOCALS FOR SOME OF HIS MUSIC LIKE THE RAPPERS HE LIKES LMFAO
I dont wanna go on too long with this but one thing is for sure
You’re his princess for REAL treats you like ROYALTY lol
If you guys get into an argument. Even if you’re wrong, he ends up apologizing
“I shouldn’t have let it boil over to this anyway.”
10/10 boyfriend. Totally recommend.
NSFW
SISTA. I HAVE NEVER EVER THOUGHT I’D HAVE THE PLATFORM TO SHARE THESE THOUGHTS BUT I HAVE TO MAKE SURE YALL UNDERSTAND ONE THING!!!!
Hamzah is NAWT a boob or ass guy. HE LIKES BOTH EQUALLY. (He is secretly is ass-leaning tho LMFAO)
This is so funny but he totally is the type to smack your ass randomly when he walks by.
Do you get mad? Yes. Do you tell him to stop it? Yes. Does he stop? No. Do you secretly think it's kinda…? WELL YESSS
TWO WORDS. Boob squeezer.
I think from what we can understand so far. is that Hamzah is the handsy man. HIS HANDS ALWAYS SOMEWHERE LOL
sex drive is for sure high. and when i say high… ITS HIGHHH
Contrary to popular belief AGAIN.
Hamzah doesn’t partake in dirty talk much… not that he doesn't like it—he just wouldn’t in my opinion? It's not that he wouldn’t talk at all, but he is more of a heavy breathing, whimpering, moaning guy—pretty much more noises than actual words
Though as i said, he would talk sometimes, especially if he’s feeling really good, or his stamina is lasting him longer than he thought… he starts getting a little cocky
On the topic of dirty talk, if he does talk, 99.9% of it would be praising, i don't see him enjoying degrading unless you ask him to.. but he’ll be a little awkward about it LMFAOOO
Something like: “fuck, baby you’re taking me so good.”
(Unironically starts actually using good girl after a while of making it a joke btw)
Someone sent a request a few days ago and said “i feel like hamzah has a breeding kink” and why was i gagged?! NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT IT BUT YES, i feel like hes more into the thought filling u with *** then the thought of impregnating you if that makes any sense
Im talking too much… digital footprint go hard.
(A/N): this isnt proofread, i kinda braindumped but i had fun doing this!! Thank u anon for the request I HOPE U LOVE THIS CUTIE MWAAAAHH
#hamzahthefantastic#slushy noobz#hamzah fluff#hamzah x reader#hamzah x y/n#deer’s reqs!#hamzah smut#hamzah the fantastic
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Babagril I adore clipped wings and you are feeding my insatiable hunger for heavy angst and impeccable writing but I am a littol concerned about how fast you're putting chapters out recently. I know they've been on the shorter side compared to the beginning but plase don't push yourself too hard okies? We can wait, I just don't want you getting burnt out or something :(
Also you are so meanies to us why must Donnie constantly go through the horrors its the fic ive always craved and I am sobbing, thank youuu
hey hey im fine!! i should probably clarify that im genuinely just a fast writer and im. yknow. an unemployed 18 year old who doesnt have much to do other than stuff like this, and im fed and moved along by all the praise and kindness. you dont have to worry about me!! honestly a HUGE thing im aiming for while writing CW is the joy of getting to complete something, i actually crank these chapters out in like a sitting if im in a good mood LOL (theyre kind of scrappy, but im trying to combat my perfectionism. pretty much every time ive said im gonna take a bit i find myself too excited to, ive got a big hyperfixation on CC at the moment and all of the good reception has gotten me even more hyped bghdghfh. you have NO idea how much i stare at the fanart you guys have made for me ily....). for my next project i plan on writing a lot in advance and pacing myself better (especially because i want to do longer chapters for it), but for CW im happy to just speed through!!
^^ helped along by the fact that im trying to avoid making chapters long for the sake of it now. i dont really have a goal in mind for wordcount with this next set, because i think i want to think in what progresses more than that
and thank you!! teehee the thing i want to move to next is so much sillier but i do enjoy taking a real good dip into The Horrors....... not sure where i'll be going after wwww but its planned to be a HUGE undertaking anyway. but i will probably be returning to the horrors. and maybe CVD ive missed her my love
#ask#i probably got so invested in donnie because i am an INSANE workaholic when it comes to my writing#its my one Thing. i was always considered prodigious in it and nothing else so i attach pretty much Everything to it#im the person who wrote a 11k word narrative essay in seventh grade. for funsies#just the kind of person i am. ive always been super go big or go home with it#i like the DAZZLE..... i live to impress. probably why i was mad CL couldnt be a oneshot#it was such a flex.... oh well#finally having actual praise for my work. like REAL praise#is what's making me go so fast and so hard. ive been starved!!#i relate a little too much to that fuckin purple guy sometimes and it makes me UNCOMFORTABLEEEEE#even then i feel like i could do better. i could go harder. YOU HAVENT SEEN MY PEAK#okay yes you have it was CL. BUT ONE DAY IM GONNA DO IT AGAIN
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side note. im just upset now about how it feels like my work is no longer belonging to me. I dont get to choose what it is put into. it is now a comodity for whoever believes that they have a right to my work.
When I work in an art-based industry, what I produce will not be my own. It will be owned by another company who hired me. I could spend hours on it and pour my life force into what I create, but it could be held by the company and not released or released and removed from my ownership.
Now tumblr is the same. now every website is the same. You never have control of what you post forever. You never get to choose what happens to your online work. But now I know that what I post will go directly into the content meatgrinder that is AI technology. I will not get to choose this. I will not get to own my work any more. Even if I opt out, even if thousands of users opt out, not everybody will. Not everybody will know. Not everybody will want to. Not everybody will be bothered.
Theres a difference between individuals reposting my work onto pinterest and an entire blog being fed into AI. Theres a difference between a single human feeding artwork that isnt theirs into AI and an automatic process in which my data, my artwork, my life is being fed into AI. I will never own my own work again unless I keep it directly next to me and never share it.
Im debating pulling all of my work from this website.
#fish talks#Im not sure what to do#I dont want my stuff used I want it to be enjoyed#but how can i enjoy my work being enjoyed by people and websites that i cant trust#i really dont know what to do about this#I think tomorrow Im going to ask someone for their pov#he's always given me good advice on AI debates idk#and I know most of the terms in this will be wrong and thats because I dont know how to phrase the processes of AI#Im not a machine. Dont treat my art as a product. Treat me as a person. as an artist.#dont treat me as something to be sold.#this year hasnt been my most productive year#I dont need likes and reblogs as much as I used to#But I also dont see how I am supposed to grow my 'brand' as someone who dreams of being an online professional if I cant enjoy being online#if i cant trust the websites that i use#idk. this is confusing#much less to mention the friends that i could be losing if i disappear from this website#i dont even want to reblog other peoples art because i dont know how to turn off the thing yet#how will i know if my art has been fed into AI?? How long does that take? How long do i have from when i get the option to turn it off#and when I do turn it off?#agggghhh fuck all of this.#ai#anti ai
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Who's the "real" me?
+ some references for the Rise-related things I included <3
#im reaaaally happy with this one hehe i had fun putting the stuff from different things shes had/worn#i feel like ppl overlook the massive identity crisis & the accompanying depression & internal conflict rise is going through during the gam#like shes trying to figure out who she is seperate from her idol image (which she constantly still clings to despite her insistance that sh#s done with it bc she does still crave that recognition and attention she got from that position. she literally breaks down crying when her#manager tells her kanami has taken her acting role and is more-or-less set to take her spot now)#and then she also struggles with finding what she wants to do with herself now that she doesnt have showbiz to worry about#i think she kinda unintentionally uses the investigation as an anchor for her to hold onto#something to keep her busy in the absence of the hustling idol life#and then she also like. again she keeps clinging to the idol image and the associated bubbly-ness and bold flirtation#because thats the ''her'' ppl liked#i dont think the way she acts during the game is ENTIRELY an act theres definitely a lot of her true self in it too#but she does have a lot of moments where she leans more heavily into the bubbly & flirty cutie act#her sl shows that for all that she wanted to retire from showbiz she isnt really ready just yet#bc she did actually enjoy being an idol. she did enjoy being able to reach out to people in this way & to finally have ppl like & accept he#the problem is she doesnt know who ''she'' is at this point#im rambling but u get my point. yeah. yeah#rise..............#rise kujikawa#persona#persona 4#p4#art#my art#xanders art#digital art#fan art
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i have been a ball of depression lately as well as my physical health worsening pretty severly this past week due to stress and so my friends have been. trying so hard to get me to get out and do things and its very sweet but i feel bad because the whole time i’m just a total mess
#they say they dont mind but i need to really. stop#im stuck.#and i know it’s hard on my friends to see me like this since i’ve been doing a lot better and now am back to my old habits#but i felt bad because they took me out shopping and to dinner tonight and i just had a headache and was limping and couldnt stop talking#about the recent death in my family and all the stress from classes and socially and how lost i feel#and i just wanted so bad to just. enjoy myself but i couldnt#but my friends know about how severe my depression is and are all very used to it#its in fact more normal than not. but i was really. feeling at my best for several months so the crash back down to not eating and sleeping#and being unable to fully tidy my room and all that stuff has been. difficult for me as well as those around me#it’s been normal for me for so long to live terribly that taking care of myself for a while and then losing the drive to has been. hard#im trying to get better but i slide back down#i need to work on my constant self loathing but i keep walking around just. conviced im such a burden and being sad makes it even worse#i just. am always overcompensating for my lack of#ability to love myself with just. constantly showering everyone around me with love and its. hard for me when i dont have the energy to do#even that anymore. its hard to let people take care of me when i just want to take care of them all the time
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jamiazu / ashenviper week day 6: toxic yaoi overblot
SORRY it's very much a rushed mess especially in the lower half jdkslfjksd i was v busy today and trying to hurry to get something done for this before midnight [covers up the clock... i was close enough,,, it's still day 6 in some time zones jkfdlsjfs]
unfortunate that the overblots have so much going on and take me ten billion years to draw otherwise i think id like drawing them more bc they LOOK VERY COOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#ashenviper week 2024#twisted wonderland#twst#jamiazu#ashenviper#azul ashengrotto#jamil viper#cereal tries to draw#and boy did i try. JFKLDSJFLDSJG#i kinda shot myself in the foot deciding today on the day i STARTED WAY LATER#to be the day that i wanted to try shading in the tones lol#and then. picked the day i was doing stuff with a lot of dark black parts#with no color to balance out the similar tones jkLJFSDKLJFDKLJS#im not exactly good with tonal contrast and UNFORTUNATELY IT'S VERY APPARENT HERE TODAY SORRYYYYYYYYYYYY#whatever it's practice teehee. good enough is GOOD ENOUGH!!!!!!!!#anyway i was gonna draw them looking more evil but i kinda ended up goin the route of like. evil while gay#as in kind of extremely obsessed w/each other in their toxic yaoi state idk#like i think if they overblot at the same time it woulda been over for us boys theyd be too strong#uniting the powers of hypnosis and blackmail and also the fine print. and gay. to take over the school and then probably the world#u probs gotta click full screen squint on this one bc if ucked it up stupid style theres too much dark lol#USUALLY I HAVE THE OPPOSITE PROBLEM I DONT GO DARK ENOUGH#[professor voice] youre kinda stuck in the midtones#well. this time i went mid/dark and forgot the light lol#if i had more time maybe i coulda done some like actual shading to round it out but I DONT WANNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA IT'S LATE#AND IM SLEEEEPYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY#if drawing overblot details didnt kill me tho i think id like to draw them being overblot together more often lol i enjoy the concept#maybe if i can shorthand it or GO BACK TO MY BELOVED TINY GUYS#i spent the most time on this one of all the other drawings this week#tomorrow i do not anticipate ill spend as long on but#i was considerin the glomas outfits which are ALSO SCARY DETAILS AUGHHGHGH <- it's bc im bad at drawing. LOL
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to new users: PLEASE for the love of god learn how to use tumblr properly. reblog posts you like. leave a like on posts you can't reblog immediately so that you can reblog later. search in the tags for neat people to follow and then follow them to get the content you want to see. turn off Best Stuff First. STOP posting about how confusing this site is, LEARN. I don't want to see this site become an algorithmic twitter copy just because some people refused to learn how to use something new.
#literally even I have no idea how some of this sites features work#ive never used the queue for that exact reason#but im having a good time!! i picked who to follow and greatly enjoy the posts that get REBLOGGED ONTO MY DASH#if this site becomes algorithmic i'll be flooded with stuff i DONT want to see.#so please. just. put on your smart kid boots and fucking LEARN. instead of just complaining that you're not being spoon-fed posts
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Happy Valentines, Akira. Happy Valentines, Asshole.
If you can’t read what Akechi’s secondary inner-dialogue says cause I obscured it too much behind his regular dialogue, here’s a transcription in panel order: Hello, you fucking- Ah- Hello, Akira! Fuck off, why should I tell you- Just a soda- there’s a new flavor.
I don’t want your shitty gift. Oh- haha! You’re so sweet.
I hope I choke. They’re lovely, thank you.
Like hell. Likewise. There’s no way it’s just a coincidence. Still though, it’s a funny coincidence.
#p5#akeshu#akechi goro#kurusu akira#wow- me?? posting a valentines comic... actually on?? valentines????? wack. absolutely wack#it's a short one! I purposefully tried to keep it short. it was a challenge and it still ended up being 3 pages. but i blame my canvas size#also in case u can't see what akira is holding out to akechi: theyre chocolate covered strawberries on sticks!#i saw them irl and was like oh god i want those. i am going to project that feeling on my favorite characters so help me god#and now! here we are! but my shitty-ass coloring & line quality make it hard to discern them so. sorry about that lmaooooo#ANYWAY i don't do enough post-maruki stuff so. i made this one a little bittersweet. :)#why did i put akechi's scarf in a bow? honestly i dont know! i think i saw some art a while ago that did that too and i thought it was cute#well. plus i guess there's the symbolism of 'akechi being alive and reciprocating your feelings (however involuntarily) IS a gift' part#hence that hes wrapped up in a bow. like a present. :)#also god. the first panel is supposed to be akechi's reflection in a vending machine window. I could NOT get it to look right#so for reference!!! just so you guys understand!!!!!! thats what that panel is supposed to be!!! he is NOT in fact a ghost. (sigh)#hope you enjoyed and had a lovely valentines!! for my part i have eaten nothing but sweets today and hoo boy will that have been a mistake#ALSO in terms of the audience-participation comic...hopefully coming soon. if i can ever gain the will to draw it.#but at least tumblr has polls now so i can do the audience-choose-y bit without needing to use a separate website! so thats good i guess#anyway anyway anway thanks for listening to me ramble if you made it this far! have a lovely rest of your day and hopefully see u again soon
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Evening, ladies
#🪴#im remaking this blog. if you havent noticed#i felt awkward making a big text post about it so im just keeping it condensed in the tags#but anyway all the tofupupper posts are over on @tofupupper as an archive#for anyone that wants it#im probably gonna be posting about animals and botany here.. bc its what i enjoy right now#i used to really enjoy tofupuppers content but things got rough during the pandemic#and i was in a bad place. and i was just constantly getting anons from people venting to me#or talking about their mental health and im just so bad at comforting and constantly seeing#people tell me they want to die and such on my fan blog for a shiba inu was just so stressful#even though i havent posted tofu content since 2021 i still got messages like that now and then. 700 messages in my askbox rn#but anyway#im better now and i hope everyone is too#and i will still be rbing donation posts at peoples request here#i just felt awkward rbing them to a blog i didnt use otherwise#so. yeah!. wildlife biology and plants now. maybe other stuff#you dont have to stick around if thats not your thing#goodbye for now
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Treatise on why No, the doctor just giving the narrator of Fight Club (full name) his requested sleep medication or sending him to therapy would not have Fixed Him
Firstly, saying giving him the insomnia meds would’ve fixed him ignores the reason he has insomnia in the first place. He is so deeply upset by his place in society that he literally cannot sleep. Drugging him to sleep would not change that. That, of course, is the easy, quick response.
But with regard to therapy? The biggest flaw is that it ignores a central tenet of the book. Part of what tortures the narrator and drives him to invent Tyler is that his feelings about this collective, systemic issue are constantly reduced to a Just Him thing. His seatmates ask what his company is. He’s the only one upset at the office. He gets weird looks if he says the truth of what he does. People will do anything in their power to pretend he is the issue, as an individual, because it is far scarier to consider the full implications of the systemic issues implied by what he is saying. Everyone treats it as if the issue is him, so he goes insane. He does anything to get someone to say, holy shit, that’s fucked up, what you’re a part of is wrong. In an attempt to feel any sort of vague sympathy and catharsis, he goes to support groups to pretend to be dying, because then at least people don’t habitually blame him for his anguish.
Saying therapy would fix him ignores that his problems are not individual. They are collective. It’s the reason the entire story resonates with people! Something deeply, unignorably wrong with society, where people would rather blame you for bringing it up than try and address it, because it feels impossible. I don’t blame people for this, really, because it IS scary. It’s terrifying to sit and feel like you’ve realized there’s something deeply, deeply wrong, but if you say something, people will get mad at you since it’s so baked into everything around you. Or, even if they agree, it’s easier to deal with the dissonance by pretending it’s individual.
And it’s not like that’s not the purpose therapy and medications largely serve, anyway. Getting into dangerous territory for this website, but ultimately, the reason the narrator was seeking medication was because it’s a bandaid. A very numbing bandaid. For these very large, dissonance causing problems, therapy does very little. Medications do what they always have, and distract you with numbness or side effects. It’s a false solution. He is seeking an individualized false solution because he has been browbeaten with the idea that this is an issue with him alone, when it's plainly clear it's not.
Don't get me wrong. Obviously he has something wrong with him. But it's a product of his situation. It is a fictional exaggeration of a very real occurrence of mental illness provoked by deep unconscionable dissonance and anguish. There is a clear correlation between what happens and his mental state and his job and how isolated he is.
The thing is, even if he were chemically numbed, I do think he would’ve lost it regardless. Many people on meds find they don’t fix things. For reasons I’ll get into, but in this case because even if numbed or distracted, once you’ve learned about deep, far reaching corruption in society, it’s very hard to forget. Especially if, in his case, you literally serve as the acting hand of this particular variety. He’s crawling up the walls.
So why do people say this? Well, it's funny I guess. Maybe the first time or whatever. But also, often, they believe it, to a degree. Maybe they've just been told how effective therapy and meds are for mental illness, they believe wholeheartedly in The Disease Model of Mental Illness, maybe they themselves have engaged with either and have considered it successful. Maybe they or someone they know has been 'saved' by such treatments.
But in all honesty.... What therapy can help with is mentality, it's how you approach problems. For issues on a smaller scale, not meaning they are easier to deal with my any degree, but ones that are not raw and direct from deep awareness of corruption; these are things that can be worked through if you get lucky and get an actually good therapist who helps build up your resiliency. But when your issue is concrete, something large and inescapable? It's useless. At best it can help you develop coping mechanisms, but there is a limit for that. There is a point where that fails. To develop the ability to handle something like this requires intense development of a comfort with ambiguity and dissonance and being isolated and a firm positioning of your purpose and values and and belief in wonder and all the other shit I ramble about. The things that the narrator lacks, which lead him to taking an ineffectual death knell anarchist self-destruction path. Therapy, where the narrator is, full of the knowledge of braces melted to seats and all the people that have to allow this to happen? It fails.
And meds — meds are a fucking scam. We know the working mechanism of basically none of them, the serotonin receptor model was made up and paid its way into prominence. We have very little evidence they're any better than placebo, and they come with genuinely horrific side effects. Maybe you got lucky. I did, on some meds. On others? I don't remember 2018. The pharmaceutical industry is also known for rampant medical ghostwriting, and for creating 'off-label' uses for drugs that have gained too many protests in their original use, then creating a cult of use to then have 'grassroots' campaigns for it to be made a label use (ie, legitimize their ghostwritten articles with guided anecdotes).
The DSM itself is basically a marketing segregation plot. It's an attempt to legitimize the disease model by isolating subgroups of symptoms to propose individualized treatments for subgroups that are not necessarily all that separate. But if the groups exist, you can prescribe more and different medications, no? Not to mention, if you use the disease model, you can propose that these diseases are permanent, or permanent until treated, considered more and more severe to offset and justify the horrific side effects of the medications. Do you know why male birth control doesn't really exist? Same reason. They can justify all the horrible side effects for women, because the other option is pregnancy. For men, it's nothing.
And they're not bothering to invent new drugs without side effects. When they invent new drugs it's just because the last one got too bad of a name, or they can enter a new market. Modern drugs don't work any better than gen1 drugs. They still have horrific side effects. At best, the industry will shit out studies saying the old one was flawed (truth) so they can say this new gen will be better (lie). They're doing it with ssris right now.
Fundamentally, the single proposed benefit of any of these drugs is that they numb you. To whatever is torturing you. It's harder to be depressed if you can't feel it, or if you just can't muster the same outrage. Of course, there is people who find that numbness to be helpful, or worth it. But often, it's stasis. For the people who have problems that can be worked on, it serves as a stopgap to not actually work on said problems. The natural outcome of the disease model is stagnation for those whose need is to develop skills and resiliency. It keeps them medicalized and dependent on the idea that they're diseased and incapable. Profitable. Stuck in the womb.
I’ve been there. It’s easier, to wallow, and resist growth because it’s difficult and painful and unfair and cruel and you can think of five billion reasons to justify your languishing. But don’t listen to anyone who tells you you’re just permanently damaged, no matter how nicely they word it, no identity or novel pathologization, no matter how many benefits they promise, especially if they swear up and down some lovely expensive medications with little solid backing and plentiful off-label usage and side effects that’ll kill you. Some days it feels like they want us all stuck in pods, agoraphobic and addicted to the ads they feed us to isolate the markets for the drugs they’ve trained us to beg them to pump us with. Polarization making it as easy as flashing blue light for go, red like for stop, or vice versa. I worry about the kids, for fucks sake. That’s a bit dark and intense, and I apologize. But I want you (generic) to understand, there is a profit motive. Behind everything. And they do not mean well. They do not care about your mental health or your rights or your personhood or your growth. They care about how they can profit off of you.
For those struggling with immovable, society problems, like the narrator grappling with how his job fits into and is accepted by society while his rejection and horror in the face of it does not, it can work about as well as any other drug addiction. Your mileage may vary. From what I've seen, recovering from being on prozac for a long time can be worse than alcohol. They put kids on this shit. They keep campaigning for more. Off label, again. A pharmaceutical company’s favorite thing to do has to be to spread rumors of someone who knows someone who said an off label use of this drug helps with this little understood condition. Or, in the case of mental illness, questionably defined condition. And like, damn, I know I'm posting on the 'medicalization is my identity' website so no one will like all this and has probably stopped reading by now, but yall should be exposed to at least one person who doubts this stuff. Doesn't just trust it. Because I mean, that's the thing right?
It's so big. What would it mean, for this all to be true? Yeah, everyone says pharmaceutical companies are evil and predatory and ghostwriting, but to think about what that really entails. Coming back to the book, everyone knows the car lobby is huge and puts dangerous vehicles through that kill people. What does it mean if the car companies all hire people to calculate the cost of a recall and the cost of lawsuits? No one wants to think about the scale that means for people allowing it or the systems that have to be geared towards money, not safety like they say. Hell, even Chuck misses the beat and has the narrator threaten his boss with the Department of Transportation. And shit, man, if every company is doing this, you think Transportation doesn't know? That they give a fuck? You're better off mailing all the evidence to the news outlets and hoping they only character assassinate you a little bit as they release the news in a way that says it's all the fault of little workers like you, not the whole system. Something something, David McBride, any whistleblower you feel like, etc.
So I don't blame you, if your reaction is "but but but, that can't be right, people wouldn't do it, they wouldn't allow it" or just an overwhelming feeling of dread that pushes you to deny all of this and avoid thinking about it. Just know, that's in the book. That's all the seatmates on the flights. That's all his fellow officemates. It's easier to pretend, I know.
But think about, how the response fits in with the themes of the book. The story, as a movie too. What drives the narrator’s mental breakdown? How would you handle being in his position? How would you handle being his seatmate? It’s easy to say you’d listen. But have you? Have you had any soul wrenching betrayals of how you thought society worked? How about a betrayal by the thing that promised to be the fix of the first? Can you honestly say you wouldn’t follow that gut instinct, saying follow what everyone says, that person must just be crazy, evil, rude, cruel, whatever it is that means you can set what they said aside?
For a lot of people, they can do that, I guess. Set it aside. Reaching that aforementioned state of managing to cope with the dissonance and ambiguity and despair is very hard. The narrator made the Big Realization, but he couldn’t cope. He self-destructed. Even when people don’t make the big realization consciously, they’re already self-destructing. It’s hard to escape it when it feels easier than continuing anyway. When it feels like the only option,
Would therapy fix the narrator of Fight Club? Would meds fix the narrator of Fight Club? No. He knows too much. All meds will do, by the time he’s in the psych ward, is spiritually neuter him. A silly phrase, but really. Take the wind out of his sails.
Is he fixed if he doesn’t try to blow up town? If he just shuts up and settles in and stops costing money? If he still can’t cope with the things he’s unearthed? Do you see how this is a commentary in a commentary in a commentary?
Fight Club is an absolutely fascinating story because of this. The fact that it addresses the fallout of knowing. The isolation. The hopelessness. The spiral that results from a lack of hope. This is, I think, what resonates most with people, even if not consciously. Going insane because you’ve discovered something you wish you could unknow. It’s a classic horror story. Should our society be lovecraftian evil? I don’t think so.
Do I think changing it will be easy? No. Lord knows a lot exists to push people who make these sorts of Realizations towards feelings of individuality and individualized solutions and denial and other distractions and coping methods. And to prevent people who make One realization from expanding on it and considering further ramifications. Fight Club itself gets into this; the isolation of men being a strict part of the role society shapes for their sex leaves them very vulnerable to death fetishes, in a sense, and generally towards self destructive violence. It helps funnel them away from substantial change and towards ineffectual change. Many things, misogyny, racism, serve to keep people isolated from one another, individualized, angry, and impossible to work with. Market segregation; god knows even appealing on those fronts has become such a classic ploy that companies do it now, the US military frames its plundering that way, etc.
I’ve wandered a bit but ultimately, my point is this: Fight Club is a love letter to the horrors of critical thinking, and the importance of not falling into the trap of self destruction and hopelessness in the face of it. The latter is why Tyler was an anarchoterrorist instead of anything useful. The latter is why it was a death cult. It’s important to work through the horrors of critical thinking so you can do it, and stand on the other side ready to believe in each other. It’s worth it.
#fight club#my writing#uh. sorta#If you disagree with me it's fine btw. That's a given for me but I realize that's not usual for this website#my big desire is always to provoke thought and get people to think about why they think things#not necessarily to get them to agree with me. though obviously like any person i enjoy that#it was nice to type this out#also#aside from the prozac withdrawals mention and my own experience w memory loss (hilariously not even the most major of my beefs with the#medical industry! or even just the mental health industry! but its an easy nonoffensive one so#anyway i kept it nonspecific because if you go specific it becomes easier for people to just go 'oh well its That that's the problem and i#dont need to reflect at all on my drug/condition/issue/etc'#which ppl will anyway ofc. but yk#maybe theyll find it easier to ignore without the horrific specific examples but i want to leave it broad because 1. doing research and#going past the first thing you find and confirmation bias stuff is good 4 u#second. it's better imo to leave it more open for people to try and apply it broadly#whew ANYWAY#a bonafide Rant#i shouldve put#anti psychiatry#in the first few tags. i havent really looked on tumblr to see what the community 4 that is like on here because it feels like an oxymoron#on this website#but im sure it probably exists even if its used for smth else#(please change)
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scenecore misty back at it again!! + a speedpaint! :D
it wasn't meant to be a youtube link, but uploading the video file itself won't work, so apologies about that i know youtube links are annoying on tumblr please don't kill me </3
#it's very hard to label this design honestly - it is not exactly scene ESPECIALLY NOT the hair. however i consider scenecore different from#it and more like an aesthetic based on scene that may or may not include the culture like the music and raves and such more#leaning on internet nostalgia if anything#so id say that fits better so the adopted scenecore misty title does fit. i originally didnt wanna use that myself believe it or not#anyways hope you like this it took longer than intented as always. whoopsies#and enjoy the music in the speedpaint heehee#i didnt check it while it was rendering so if theres goofy stuff or missed recordings/skips then whoopsie @_@#flashing#bright colors#rainmaker#misty moonsoon#scenecore#toontown corporate clash#ttcc#guz art#video_guz.mp4#abt what i said earlier tbh genuinely how i made this design i just slapped stuff i like together#i loooove putting rainbows and stars on stuff... and lots of purples#also i gotta like make a pinned post on my main so i can credit back the textures i use#if i dont forget... its like 4 am though so! yeah no not rn . also sry more tags than usual i do want ppl to see this + my usual sortin tag#Youtube
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aki with a s/o with chronic pain . . .
!!! this post is sfw, but minors/ageless blogs dni with this post/blog !!!
notes: gn!disabled!reader, this is self indulgent i tried to make this fitting for more general chronic pain! reader might come across as ehlers danlos-coded (is that a thing?? weird thing for me to type)
aki is already so sweet and caring with you, of course he would be helpful when your chronic pain flares up.
he notices that you’re moving a bit slower, taking shorter steps, taking a longer time to get up from your seat… and he’s immediately there to help
VERY quick to ask what you need, but he also tries to offer your usual solutions
“where does it hurt? do you need a heating pad? painkillers? tiger balm? do you want me to run a warm bath?”
if you have fluctuating mobility/occasionally use a mobility aid, he does his best to keep everything in a convenient spot for you. crutches near the bed so you can slide your arms in and get up with a bit more ease, rollator in a place where you don’t trip but it’s easy to access…
he was initially Overly Careful with you so he didn’t aggravate your pain further, but as he grows used to your needs, he’s still careful but he’s not scared of breaking you like he used to be
kisses the back of your neck while gently massaging your sore joints/muscles, murmuring soft “i love you”s and “you’re gonna be okay”s while he’s rubbing tiger balm onto your sorest spots
if he hears your joints pop he gets really nervous until you specify if it was a good/bad pop
if a spot is too sore, he won’t touch it in case he hurts you even more.
and if you just Can’t get out of bed for the day? he calls off from work to take care of you. brings you comfort food, helps you to the bathroom when you need it, makes sure you’re hydrated and taking your meds…
SPEAKING OF MEDS. this man is so good at reminding you
“did you forget to take your meds? maybe you should take them now, love. it’ll help you feel less sore.”
he’s very careful to make sure he doesn’t shame you for forgetting meds, for needing help, for being in pain. he just does whatever he can to make sure you’re okay and empathises with your complaints about your aches.
while he hates seeing you in pain during a flare-up, he becomes extra doting just to make sure your needs are met. cooks your fav comfort meal, makes sure all your pillows are soft and arranged to keep you comfy, refills your water bottle whenever it’s almost empty, etc.
he’s just so loving… aaauuuu
#aki hayakawa#aki hayakawa x reader#disabled reader#op#ive been having a lot of flareups due to the weather recently :’) rain my fucking beloathed#so this thought has been massively comforting to me#this was written 99% for self indulgence so it is based on my own personal experiences#but i tried to make it a lil broader and include things i dont use so others can enjoy :-)#i use forearm crutches sometimes + cant take many painkillers so tiger balm is my bestest friend#btw just a tip. if you cant afford tiger balm? get coralite from the dollar store! same pain relief (i use the patches)#akiiii please help me put pain patches on my back and tell me its going to be okay…… cries and cries and CRIES#maybe ill make an eds-specific version for even more self indulgence#also i wanted to include aki carrying you since i like tht for me but idk if others like tht when it comes to chronic pain so. left tht out#i might write more disabled/disabled-coded reader stuff later#this was just me being sore at 1am and throwing my thoughts out#or maybe ill write more aki things since i like him very much#going to post this and sleep. GOODNIGHT HAYAKAWA NATION 💪#imagine
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The Sims is playing with dolls but for grown ups
#i saw an add for some dolls and i was like omg i waaant them but my back and knees aren't for playing on the floor anymore#and i was also like... i dont have space for dolls and it is weird to do it because i am old#like when i used to work as a babysitter and kindergarten teacher i was playing with dolls like crazy#kids don't know how to play#i swear these new generations of kids just want stuff but don't really enjoy anything
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okay. hello guys. my bad for not responding to stuff or being as active recently, had a lot of work to be done and other stuff to focus on that took a lot of my time. I wanted to make more art, but I unfortunately had to put that energy into other things (which got to the point where I could not put them off any longer and had to stay working on it). I know I missed a lot of stuff and I'm sorry for it
#unfortunately there are moments where i am forced back into reality#and i remember that i cannot actually spend my life creating and hiding away forever!!! crazy#honestly a lot of it has also been the fact that i am just tired everytime i get home#and my health issues that have been steadily building up#they're really catching up on me and ive been having to visit the clinic more than im happy with#theres just a constant sense of fatigue nowadays#also uh#admittedly my interesting in Alien Stage has been waning#not replaced by any other media in particular. just started focusing on irl life stuff more often#which is why i barely post on shakingparadigm anymore/dont really post anything of substance#its really mostly this alnst oc thing that makes me want to stay because i genuinely enjoy and adore what we've created here#im pretty invested in this even though im not as invested in the source material anymore#not to say i dont like alnst anymore! i still do. i just don't dedicate all my attention to it anymore#which is for the best actually. because admittedly the things and time i have sacrificed for alnst did create a few consequences#sometimes i forget how bad a hyperfixation can fuck me up#again I'm really sorry for everything I've missed#and for being late to apris birthday#and the solauri round#and more#amazing stuff that you guys have made#me bones just dont work like they used to i fear. please give me time#im.sorry again#sorry this post might seem kind of depressing#just dont mind it if you want#thanks for your time#misc#rant#(?)#vent
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Art I did during my break but don't wanna post on main but you know what. I like Levi and Richard (and Arienne the redhead).
Basically, Levi and Richard go to school together, Richard decides to go by the name Richard and the only person to without question go along with "I'm a boy now" is Levi who calls him Dick. And then gets into fist fights with boys that don't call him Richard. So Richard falls pretty much in love in school then his parents divorce and he moves away.
Many years later (10+) Richard meets Levi again and it's very much nothing grand. Levi overhears Richard introducing himself to someone and is like "lmao Dick? You work here now? Sucks to be you" and Richard is immediately 'I love him so much I hate myself for how easily I give up all dignity for him' but yeah. They work in different departments so Levi does more behind the scenes stuff while Richard talks to clients and is very social.
And their coworkers in both departments love Richard because he's such a nice guy and Levi's department hates Levi a lot cause he's an asshole. (then stuff happens that would require a tw blah blah blah) So after a month of Levi not being at work he returns and Richard immediately goes over to the department to check on him and he's just. Incredibly mellow. No cussing and no cockiness and worst of all, he's being called Richard which is very much not correct from Levi. So he points it out that no one else calls him Dick and if he had a problem with it he would have said something by now so hey, maybe don't suddenly change the entire friendship on your own. (So Levi texts him later to say "sorry for being a dick, Dick" and Richard is v happy and content with that turn out)
Richard is honestly tragically created out of spite for the fact I saw a name IRL and I know that the state that I live in would in fact NOT have someone that intentionally funny and trans so I have to make my own funny trans guy to fill the void.
#a redemption arc from the sidelines#look im sorry but the guy who my mom and i voted for as one of our constables cannot be as genuinely funny as he is in my head#the guy has ruined my life with his billboard election thing and the fact my mom even REMEMBERS the billboard for his campaign?#yeah it was obnoxiously yellow and red and also he uses his nickname on the campaign#which youd think is fine or cringe normally but when you look at it and realize his firstname nickname lastname all have slang meanings#id like to point out though that not only did he have the funniest campaign billboard but no one even ran against him it was just him#i actually made a trans oc because the funniest name ive ever seen irl inspired me#theres a lot of trauma and cute interactions between levi and richard in my head but i dont think everyone cares#but i think its very funny that i told someone extensive stories from my thoughts about them#and she would go thats so cute WAIT NO HOLD ON OUCH#and then i told someone else haha so i have been telling someone stuff about my ocs and its been whiplash to her C:#and told oh its probably fine she's probably enjoying hearing it#so i said an example and it was oh thats cute followed by (lying down emote)#fwiw i dont actually know what their job is i just want them at the same company but different areas of expertise#thats literally all i got im sorry
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i so desperately want to engage with this fandom but im either too awkward to add my two cents in community fandom enjoyment of some hc or too afraid to make a post and have someone find it and be like "actually thats the worst opinion ive ever heard" and i get sent to the shadow realm
#i want to join in on fun and put some ideas out there like i used to cus i havent been doing that lately and i miss it#but im also like 'if i tag something as the thing im talking about i will somehow be wrong for it'#can you tell i have twitter ptsd lol#like i enjoy sharing wips and stuff especially when someone remembers them later and im like !#but most of the time im like well i dont want to clutter the tag with my silly writing#nana talks#delete later
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