#I don't work tomorrow so I'm probably just gonna be dressed up for the 2 hours that trick-or-treat is going on

[blackbutler-readerinsertsandjunk]

when I tell you I have the WORST urge to redo my list one more fucking time

it's like GIRLIE YOU GOT SIX LEFT DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE WASTE EFFORT ON THAT WHEN THAT EFFORT COULD GO TO WRITING

[retrolvr4]

I’d Fix it if I Could

Darry Curtis x Female Reader

Pt 2

Summary: The ac is broken down in the Curtis house on Darry's day off and can’t be fixed until tomorrow

Warnings- slight sexual content, making out, mostly fluff, some cursing

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The hot weather of Oklahoma beat down on you and the rest of the boys at the Curtis house. With your guy’s luck, the AC had broken down. Despite having multiple fans running the house was still scorching hot. “Soda, go fix the ac or somethin’” you groaned desperately trying to unstick your shorts and tank top from your sweaty body. You laid on the floor in an attempt to cool down but it was not helping. “Y/n, I work on cars” He deadpanned back “They gotta be kinda similar, I'm dying here” you shot back “Honey, quit your arguing with Soda, I called a repair guy, he can be here tomorrow mornin’” Darry cut in, as he walked into the living room where you all were sat. “Tomorrow?” everyone collectively exclaimed, groans following “Guys” He started “and my gal” he said as he looked at you “I did what I could, we’re only stuck like this for today” “Darry since you're big and strong and super smart you should go out and fix it” you said as you sat up and looked at him with doe eyes, desperately wanting him to fix the problem now. Darry chuckled a little at your attempt to flatter him “Doll trust me if I knew how to fix it, I would’ve been out there hours ago” “Man fuck this it's so hot, I'm going to the theater or something, at least it'll be cold in there” Dally complained as he stood up “Maybe if you didn't wear jeans in 100-degree weather you'd be a little more comfortable Dal” you said to him “Shut it man, I'm not gonna be a pussy and wear short shorts like you” he shot back “Oh good, I’ll get you a mini dress then sweetcheeks” you replied then threw a pillow from the couch at him “You little shit” he said as he walked towards you, he picked you up off the floor by your arms. You screamed and laughed as he threw you onto the couch next to Darry. “Would anyone besides y/n care to join me at the theater” he asked Pony and Johnny stood up, they both uttered a version of ‘I don't got anything better to do’ as they followed Dally out the door. “Sugar, you rile him up so bad” Steve remarked with a laugh, chocolate cake adorning the corners of his mouth. “I’m aware Steve” you replied “Soda you’ve got about half an hour you should get ready so you’re not late to work, it's almost 3:30” Darry said to the boy sitting on the floor. “Shit I suppose” Soda said as he stood up to go change into his work clothes. Steve was already dressed and continued to eat the chocolate cake.

About half an hour later, you and Darry had the house to yourselves. The two of you sat on the couch, watching whatever daytime show was on. Your legs rested on Darry’s lap as he rubbed them. “Ugh Dare does anything need cleaned up or organized? I need to move around I’m so hot” “Damn right you are” He remarked, and you rolled your eyes with a laugh “Actually, the laundry needs done, and the kitchen is a mess, but I can take care of it” “Nono let me help, you do so much between work and taking care of the boys” You replied sweetly and slid closer to him so you could kiss his cheek. Darry grabbed your waist and pulled you to him, so you were now straddling his lap. He held the back of your head and pulled you into him, kissing you needily. You quickly returned the kiss with just as much desperation. You pulled away to catch your breath “baby- the laundry-” you gasped “Laundry can wait” he muttered as he worked his large hands up your shirt. He slipped his hand under your bra and began gently toying with your nipple. “Darry, I’m probably so gross and sweaty and stinky and-” you said between small whines as he kissed your neck, gently sucking on areas he knew you were especially sensitive to. “Shh beautiful” he reassured you “stop worrying, I don't care about what state you're in, I always love you and think you're the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.” “Darry, I love you” you said and brought his lips to yours. Kissing him sweetly, you ran your hands through his hair, tugging on the strands. Which resulted in a groan from him. Darry ran his hands gently along your sides, tracing your figure. You felt his growing erection on your thigh, resulting in your arousal also growing. Darry ran his fingers under your waistband, as you traced your fingers along his toned chest over his shirt. He continued to gently kiss down your neck and on your chest. “Honey as much as I’m enjoying this, Pony’s probably gonna be home any minute and we should start dinner soon” You reluctantly said Darry sighed and placed a final kiss on your collarbone “you're right beautiful” As if on cue you heard Pony from the porch, bidding Dally and Johnny goodbye. You gave Darry a quick kiss and smoothed his hair down, before promptly crawling off his lap and sitting next to him instead. Pony walked in as you were asking Darry if he’d rather you clean the kitchen or do the laundry, still insisting on helping him with his tasks. “Hey Pony” you and Darry both greeted, faces still red from earlier events but you could easily blame it on the heat. “Was the movie any good” You asked “Dally didn't want to pay so we snuck into a movie that had already started, it was something with Barbra Streisand. Dal was pretty pissed off” Pony replied with a shrug You laughed and Darry said “We’re gonna start dinner in about an hour, you good with spaghetti?” Pony’s eyes lit up “yeah that sounds perfect, I’ve been wantin’ spaghetti” You smiled at Pony as walked down the hall to his room. “I'll clean the kitchen and you do the laundry?” Darry proposed “Sounds good” you said and the two of you stood up to work on your tasks.

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I'll make a part two soon! I didn’t feel like writing smut rn 😔

Thanks for reading!

[joeys-babe]

Joey B Imagines: The Best of My Love

————————————————————————-

Summary: A sweet Valentine's Day surprise trip from your boyfriend Joe turns into one of the most important days of your life.

(Part one to - Part 2)

Warnings: pure sickening fluff

Pairing: Joe Burrow x reader

————————————————————————-

February 13th, 2024

(y/n’s pov)

Waking up on the day before Valentine’s Day alone in bed is never fun, especially when it's just 4 days after Joe and I’s 7th anniversary as a couple. The reason the day before was special was that Joe and I were celebrating today, Joe said he was super busy tomorrow with foundation stuff and we needed to celebrate today.

Joe had already told me last night that he was still going to work out this morning but instead would opt for our home gym. Still, the last thing I'd want to do is bother him.

Spending the alone time wisely, I didn't stay in bed too long and took a relaxing shower. Afterward, I did my normal skincare routine and put some light makeup on.

Once that was finished the next step was slicking my hair back into a tight bun and getting dressed.

As of right now, Joe and I don't have plans to leave the house so I put some leggings on and grabbed my favorite one of Joe’s sweatshirts, and put it on.

It was his pink Nike sweatshirt that was my favorite one ever since I hugged him when he wore it for the first time. It was so soft so I've been stealing it out of his laundry since.

After brushing my teeth and making the bed, I went downstairs to make breakfast.

To my surprise, when I walked into the kitchen there was already a whole spread of breakfast foods on a longboard charcuterie-style.

My heart warmed as I looked at the collection of baked goods, savories, and different juices.

When I picked up a blueberry muffin there was a white envelope underneath it.

I put it down for a second to quickly pour a glass of pink lemonade.

Picking it up to read the front a smile spread on my lips when it said “Joe” with a little heart.

I quickly opened the envelope and pulled the small note card out.

Happy Valentine's, Baby!

I'm probably still working out as you're reading this (gotta have big muscles to fight off guys that hit on you). But anyway… how'd I know that you were going to get a blueberry muffin out of all that food I put out?? I'll tell ya. It's because I know you like the back of my hand. I'm gonna guess right now that you're going to pick strawberry lemonade out of all of the drinks I put out.

This isn't the first little surprise either, I've got lots of things up my sleeves and in my pockets to make today the best Valentine's Day ever.

The best of my love, Joey

The little note had me smiling from ear to ear and I was so deep in a trance that I didn't hear Joe behind me. I jumped when two strong arms wrapped around my waist from behind but the familiar laugh coming from behind put me immediately at ease.

“Startle ya?” - Joe

“My gosh, Joe! Yes!” - you

I turned around in his arms and placed my hands on his chest, looking up into his gorgeous blue eyes.

“Did I guess right?” - Joe smiled

Nodding my head in the direction of my muffin and glass of pink lemonade I grinned as Joe’s cheeks deepened a shade of red.

“You know me so well.” - you

“Well, I hope that I know you a little bit after seven years together.” - Joe laughed

“Seven years is a long time…” - you

“It is, isn't it? Does it ever surprise you that we have lasted this long?” - Joe

“Oh gosh no. You're my best friend, can't live without you. Does it ever surprise you?” - you

“No. The rest of my life is with you.” - Joe grinned

I jokingly scoffed and Joe’s face turned to confusion.

“Not officially, last time I checked my left hand was empty.” - you held your bare left hand in front of his face

Joe’s lips formed a straight line as he glared at me. His facial expression made me giggle before I leaned in to kiss is soft lips.

“I’m kidding, Joe. You know I seriously don't care if and when it happens.” - you

“If?! What do you mean if it happens?! It's sure as hell going to happen, I don't care if it's the last thing I do. Who knows, it might be happening sooner than you think.” - Joe

“You said that last Valentine’s.” - you laughed

“Oh, whatever. I have to go shower but expect another surprise in a few minutes.” - Joe

“Ok…” - you

Joe kissed my cheek and unwrapped his arms from me. I couldn't help but watch him walk away because of how borderline delicious he looked wearing his cut-off Nike top with shorts.

Just as Joe was out of my sight the doorbell rang. Woah he wasn't joking, I thought.

I immediately walked to the door and thanked the delivery man after he handed me the substantial bouquet of beautiful red roses.

There was a vase that was my go-to for when Joe got me flowers but after a quick analysis, I came to the realization that there was no way they would all fit.

After placing them on the counter I was examining the huge arrangement when I realized there was yet again another small white envelope.

What it said was short but so sweet, making my heart swell even more.

For our one-month anniversary a few weeks short of seven years ago, I gave you a singular red rose. Here’s eighty-four roses for every month you've been my girl.

The best of my love, Joe

He must be in a sentimental nostalgic mood this Valentine's because though Joe is secretly a raging romantic, I've never seen him go to such great lengths as this.

When I went to put the card back in its stand, it fell and I realized there was writing on the back as well.

P.S. Go get my card from my wallet, a new nail set on me. There's a surprise waiting for you there, and maybe a few more afterward…

What is this man up to??

I went upstairs, and grabbed Joe’s card before grabbing my purse, putting shoes on, and heading to my favorite nail salon.

When I arrived the front desk lady offered me a warm smile and I sent one right back.

“Miss y/n! We've been expecting you. Go ahead and head back.” - Lady

“I don't have to pick a color?” - you

“Your boyfriend prepicked a color, nail type, and everything. You're all set!” - Lady

“Oh okay! Thanks!” - you

As soon as I walked over to my go-to station I noticed a familiar face already sitting there.

“Aubrey?!” - you

“Hey girl!” - Aubrey jumped up

Aubrey was my roommate at Ohio State and has been my best friend ever since. She had moved to California after college to pursue her career as a doctor.

“What are you doing in Cincinnati?” - you hugged her

“Mmm, a certain someone invited me down here…” - Aubrey smiled

“Joe?” - you smiled, immediately thinking about Joe’s letter on your roses

“Maybe.” - Aubrey smirked

“What is he up to?! Do you know? He's been acting so… romantic today.” - you laughed

“Hard to tell. I don't know what he's up to, but he has a nail request that he's also paying for so let's get down to business.” - Aubrey

——

A couple of hours later I had nice oval French tips and Aubrey got solid sage green coffin nails.

We went up to the counter and I handed the lady Joe’s card. She smiled up at me and gave me a wink.

“Your boy has taste.” - Lady

“That he does.” - you giggled and looked at your nails

She laughed as she handed me the card back but she held up a finger telling me to wait. I watched the woman reach under the counter to retrieve yet another white envelope.

When she handed it to me I couldn't help but gasp and quickly rip it open to see what was inside. It was a note and read…

Go down to Kroger with Aubs and get your favorite road trip snacks… you'll need it. ;)

I hope you like your nails, I tried my best to explain what I wanted.

The best of my love, Joe.

Aubrey was reading the note along with me over my shoulder and when we were both done we looked at each other with wide eyes.

You didn't know of course, but Aubrey has known Joe’s plan for weeks so she knew this was happening.

“Aubrey what the heck is he doing?! - you

She just shrugged so I thanked the front desk lady and practically sprinted to the car with Aubrey.

“I’m so confused.” - you

“I know just as much as you, let's get to the store to get your snacks though.” - Aubrey

——

I tried to make the Kroger trip as quick as possible because all I wanted was to get back home to Joe and find out what was going on.

Aubrey asked me to drop her off at the hotel she was staying at since she got an Uber to the nail salon.

After dropping her off, I headed straight for home.

“Joe!” - you called out as you made it through the front door

“Upstairs!” - Joe

I practically ran up the stairs and into our bedroom.

When I did, my heart stopped when my eyes scanned the room.

There were probably over 30 heart-shaped balloons that had floated up to the ceiling and multiple huge bags sitting on our made bed.

Joe was standing to the side of the room looking incredibly cute in his usual sweatpants and t-shirt combo while he wore a bashful grin.

“What is all of this?” - you

“Just another step in my master plan of putting this year's Valentine's Day down in history.” - Joe

I walked up to him and immediately pulled him into my embrace, my head on his built chest as we rubbed each other's backs.

“What are you up to Mr?” - you smiled

“You’ll see. Open your gifts!” - Joe grinned

Walking over to sit on the bench in front of the bed, Joe handed me the first gift bag.

We grinned at each other as I pulled the tissue paper out of the bag. It revealed a shoe box that said “UGG” and I immediately gasped.

They were the Tasman’s that I had been wanting for a while. I had briefly mentioned them when another WAG had them on and I complimented them, turns out Joe was paying attention.

“Thank you! They're so cute.” - you

“You’ll be needing them later today, you know something comfy. And speaking of comfy…” - Joe handed you another bag

I removed the tissue paper and a cute sweat set was revealed.

“Pastel orange, Joe?” - you giggled

“Orange looks good on you!” - Joe

“You’ve said that multiple times, honey.” - you

Joe just smiled at me and took the empty bags off the bed to put them in a pile by the door. He also grabbed the UGG box and sweat set to neatly stack them on the bench in front of the bed.

“Why are you waiting? Open your last gifts, baby!” - Joe

“I’m waiting for you Mr. to tell me which one to open!” - you

“This one.” - Joe grabbed a bag and handed it to you

I reached down into the bag and my fingertips brushed against a smaller box. Giving Joe a skeptical look, he returned my look with a sweet smile.

When I finally looked down inside my heart stopped when I noticed the familiar Cartier packaging.

“Joe… what did you do? This was probably so expensive.” - you

“Stop that, I love spending my money to spoil you. You know that. Just open it.” - Joe

His gaze was convincing so I took the box into my hands and flicked the lid off.

They were the most gorgeous earrings I'd ever seen. The White Gold, Diamond LOVE earrings.

“Joe… they're beautiful.” - you

“Yeah? Do you like ‘em? They're the matching earrings to the bracelet I got you for Christmas. I've had ‘em since them but I didn't give them to you at the same time to avoid ‘you spend too much on me’ speech.” - Joe

“If you keep it up with the white gold and diamonds Imma be more shiesty than you.” - you giggled

“That’s 100% my plan. Gotta keep my girl iced out.” - Joe grinned

I walked forward and immediately wrapped my arms around my boyfriend.

“I love you so much. Thank you so much for everything.” - you kissed his lips

“Aye not so fast. You've got one more gift.” - Joe

Joe unwrapped one of his arms from my waist and reached into the final gift bag. He pulled out a white envelope and smiled brightly when he handed it to me.

“Saved the best for last.” - Joe

“Better than those earrings?! Did you get me a puppy??” - you

“No! No puppy.” - Joe laughed

I backed away from him to open it and my mouth dropped open when I pulled out two plane tickets.

“Where are we going??” - you

“Read the tickets.” - Joe

My eyes frantically searched the tickets and I slapped Joe’s arm out of pure excitment when the destination of my dream getaway was printed on the sheet of paper.

“Shut up! I’m going to Portofino?!” - you yelled

“You’re going to Portofino, Italy!” - Joe

I practically lept at Joe and wrapped my legs around his waist, my arms around his neck.

“Thank you! Thank you!” - you yelled into his neck

A thought popped into my mind that made my heart sink and I pulled away from Joe’s neck to confirm or deny my disappointing thought.

“Wait… you're going with me, right?” - you

“Yes, baby. I'm going with you.” - Joe laughed

“Yay! My dream vacay with my favorite person ever.” - you smiled

“Are you excited?” - Joe

“Am I excited?! Joe, I'm ecstatic! I've been dreaming about going there since I was in high school. I can't wait to mark this one off my bucket list… especially with you.” - you

“Good. I'm happy to be there with you.” - Joe

——

“Do you have everything packed??” - Joe

“Yup!” - you

I rolled my suitcase out of the closet and into our bedroom where Joe was sitting on the bed waiting.

“I was going to pack everything for you… but I realized I can't pack everything you need, cause I have no idea.” - Joe

Laughing at him as I wheeled the suitcase to him, I quickly came up with a response.

“You can't pack it but you can use those muscles to carry it to the car.” - you winked

Joe grinned as he flexed his arms, I had to hype him up and it never failed to surprise me with how deep the blush went.

He left the room shortly after to take my suitcase down to the car and I did a final walkthrough of the house to make sure all lights were off, we had everything we needed, and nothing was left running.

When I finally got outside the site of Joe headbanging slowly while biting his lip through the front glass of the car made me internally giggle as I rounded the side and plopped in the front passenger seat.

“Do we have to listen to Kid Cudi?” - you

“I thought you liked him?” - Joe

“I do. But we listen to him all of the time.” - you

“Fine. You pick.” - Joe sighed and handed you his phone to play a song on Spotify.

Naturally, I pulled up my go-to playlist and shuffled it. The first song that played was Nat King Cole’s “L-0-V-E”.

I of course was yelling along the lyrics while Joe just shook his head with a playful grin.

“This song is boring.” - Joe

“You think so? It reminds me of us.” - you

“Why? Because it's boring? Are you calling us boring?” - Joe

“No, you goofball. Because it says ‘love was made for me and you’ and I think that it was.” - you

“I think it was too.” - Joe grinned and laced your fingers with his

——

“Was that whole playlist just old love songs? Or are you in a vintage gushy mood?” - Joe

I thought back to the songs that had played previously…

Can’t Take My Eyes off You by Frankie Valli, Everybody Loves Somebody by Dean Martin, Everlasting Love by Natalie Cole…

“Uhm… yes.” - you

“Yes, to which one, baby?” - Joe laughed

“Both!” - you

“Did I put you In a gushy love song mood?” - Joe

“Yeah… maybe you did. You've been so romantic today.” - you

Joe grinned at me while he squeezed my hand and the next time we were at a red light he leaned over to kiss me.

“I have a feeling that every trip we take from here on out isn't going to top this.” - Joe

“I already know they're not! I'm so excited. Thank you so much, Joe.” - you

“You’re so welcome, but just wait till you see what I have planned throughout the trip.” - Joe

“Ok, I still can't believe you planned a whole International trip with your homebody ways, Joseph Lee.” - you

“I didn't do it by myself. I got help from a lot of people. My mom helped, Aubrey, some guys on the team, your parents, and maybe or maybe not the team’s travel advisor.” - Joe

“Baby, that's so sweet.” - you

“It needs to be perfect…” - Joe sighed

“I think it will be. Can I ask you something?” - you

“Yup.” - Joe

“Why’d you get my nails done?” - you

“Uhm… because we're probably going to take pictures and you had said multiple times your old set was busted. Thought you might want to get new ones.” - Joe

I reached over and put my hand on Joe’s arm, lightly scratching his skin with my nails while I smiled brightly at him.

“I love you.” - you

“I love you too, babe.” - Joe

——

We arrived at the airport and to my confusion someone was there to escort us. The tall male with a bodyguard build led us through an area adjacent from the regular airport and before I knew it Joe and I were standing in front of a jet.

“What did you do?!” - you

“Wanna fly in a private jet?” - Joe grinned

After we handed our bags and suitcases to part of the crew, I was standing there astounded so Joe took my hand and guided me up the steps.

“This is incredible… how much did this cost to fly us there?” - you frowned slightly

“My love, money is not something we have to worry about.” - Joe winked with a cocky grin on his lips

I had changed into my sweat set, UGGs, and put my new earrings in before we left the house and I swore sometimes I would catch Joe’s eyes lingering to the substantial diamonds on my ears.

Eventually, we made it inside the jet and it was even nicer inside than it was outside. The lighting was warm and the leather seats were astonishing.

“You like it?” - Joe

“I love it, and I love you.” - you pecked Joe’s cheek

Joe put a hand on the small of my back and gently moved me in the direction of a chair.

After sitting down, Joe took his spot across from me, a table in between us and I propped my feet up on his lap.

He slipped my UGGs off and gently put them on the floor before he started massaging my feet.

It was the little things that Joe did that made me praise him for being the best boyfriend ever, and he never failed to hold himself to that title.

“You comfy?” - Joe

“Very.” - you smiled

“We have a long ride ahead of us so hopefully we can take a nap at some point.” - Joe

I nodded and the flight attendant walked over to us to explain a few things. Due to the fact Joe is an avid hater of PDA I was expecting Joe to drop my foot when she walked over, but he didn't. He listened to her intently as he continued rubbing small comforting circles on my foot.

Joe had a few questions about the lunch and dinner menu but eventually, she walked away.

“You have absolutely spoiled me today, I don't know how it can get much better.” - you

“Just you wait.” - Joe winked

——

February 14th, 2024 - *Actual* Valentine's Day

When we finally arrived in Portofino it was early morning the next day, Joe and I were pretty exhausted.

Despite being jet-lagged and tired, the drive to the Airbnb was absolutely beautiful.

The different colored buildings and the water were some of the most breathtaking sites I'd ever laid eyes on. I had to look back at Joe who was sitting next to me in the back of the car just to verify he could see it too.

“It's beautiful…” - you

“It is, isn't it?” - Joe smiled

He was so in love with you, so obsessed with pleasing you that he’d do anything just to see that twinkle in your eye when you see something you love. When you looked back at him he saw that twinkle and he hoped that it wasn't just coming from the gorgeous surroundings, but also because of him.

You were still looking out of the car window but suddenly he felt a hand on his thigh. When he looked down he saw your fingers making grabby motions and when he laced his fingers with yours, they were at ease. Even with the view in front of you, you still reached for him behind.

The Airbnb was even more breathtaking. Joe, in the most broken Italian accent I'd ever heard, told me it was called the Baia degli Ulivi.

It was a pretty pink color with forest green shutters and a beautiful balcony view.

Joe and I sat our bags down when we got inside because he said he wanted to show me around.

I could tell that Joe was proud of himself for picking such a ravishing place for us to stay.

He was so adorable as he walked around the house and pointed out little things he liked on the Airbnb app when he looked at pictures.

My favorite part was when he was super proud to show me the bathroom because…

“It has a fucking bidet!” - Joe pointed

He was looking equal parts intrigued and proud but I couldn't help but bust out laughing at his exclamation.

“There’s my goofy boy. You've been so romantic the past two days that I've kinda missed the goober side of you.” - you

“Trust me, it’s never gone sometimes it just gets overpowered by another side of me.” - Joe grinned

“C’mon Joey, let’s go take a nap.” - you

——

A few hours later, meaning like six, we woke up at one o'clock and decided to venture out of the house.

Joe had an itinerary on his phone that he pulled up while we were still lying in bed cuddling.

“Wanna go to a castle?” - Joe

“A Castle?! Yes!” - you

“Okay, we can get dressed and go to the Castello Brown before we head to lunch.” - Joe

“Is that the name of it?” - you

“Mhm.” - Joe nodded

“I can't believe I'm here with you right now. This is my dream come true, Joe. Thank you for everything, you're the best boyfriend a girl could ask for.” - you

“I love you.” - Joe kissed your forehead

——

Soon we were walking through the castle grounds hand in hand.

There was this one particular painting that I walked away from Joe to take a picture of, and when I turned around I was met with the sight of Joe holding his phone up taking a picture of me. He never fails to make me feel like the most loved woman on that planet.

We continued walking to the top where there was a beautiful view of the water. Our hands were laced together as I laid my head on Joe’s shoulder, and he laid his against mine.

The moment was amazing, everything just felt so surreal and magical. After everything Joe went through with football last season and all of the obstacles we've faced, it felt like they all disappeared.

I was so focused on Joe and the view that I flinched when there was a tap on my shoulder. When I turned around it was an older woman and what seemed to be her husband standing next to her.

“Sorry to bother but you two are just so adorable and remind me of my husband and I when we were young. I took a nice picture of you guys, do you want it?” - Lady

She showed Joe and me the picture and we both looked at each other with a large grin. You could see the love radiating off of us.

“Yes! Here I'll give you my number. I'm y/n and this is my boyfriend Joe.” - you smiled

“I’m Linda and this is my husband Ben. How long have you guys been together?” - Linda

“Seven years.” - you answered

“Wow, that's a long time! We've been together for 35. We got together as 15-year-olds in high school.” - Linda

“That’s so sweet. What are you guys doing in Italy?” - you

“Revisiting the place we got engaged for Valentine's Day. What about you two young’un’s?” - Linda

“Aww. This is my dream vacation place so Joe surprised me for Valentine’s Day.” - you

“That’s a good man you have.” - Ben nodded

“I know. He's my best friend.” - you grinned at Joe

We talked to Linda and Ben for a little longer before I offered to take a picture of them just like Linda had done with me and Joe.

They agreed and posed with smiles plastered on their faces.

Linda and I exchanged pictures before we parted ways and Joe and I went to lunch.

It was a place that Joe again attempted to pronounce, named Trattoria Tripoli.

“It has 4.5 stars.” - Joe

That boy really did do some research.

While we were sitting and waiting for our food Joe made a little ring out of the straw paper and slid it onto my ring finger. It was a gesture he'd done for a long time almost at every restaurant we go to, but this time it felt different. More butterflies set off in my stomach than normal.

——

We spent the rest of the evening and afternoon at the Airbnb watching movies on the couch since it had been such a long day.

At around seven I told Joe I was getting in the shower and that he was welcome to join me but he passed on the offer and said he wanted to start unpacking instead.

The shower was amazing and the many different settings had me making a mental note to buy a new showerhead for the house.

After stepping out I wrapped a towel around my body and put my hair up in another one before leaving the bathroom to get a comfy outfit.

I was confused when I stepped into the bedroom and Joe wasn't there, his suitcase was still zipped up and hadn't moved spots since we had gotten here.

“Joey?” - you yelled

My eyes scanned the room one more time and paused on the bed.

There was a beautiful dress I couldn't recognize as one from my closet and on top of it was a white envelope.

I immediately grabbed it and ripped it open.

Put this on and meet me on the balcony, the final surprise of the night. (but not of the trip)

The best of my love, Joe.

Asking myself the question I've been asking myself for 48 hours straight once again, what is he up to?

A while later I had the dress slipped on, my hair fixed, and very light makeup on.

There were nervous butterflies in my stomach because I had no idea what Joe was going to do.

I took a final deep breath before I walked out of the bedroom and out to where the balcony doors were in the living room.

When I stepped outside my heart stopped.

The instrumental version of Turning Page started playing (specifically at the time stamp 1:40) and Joe stood at the end of an Isle lined with candles and rose petals. He was wearing a dark grey button-down shirt with dark-washed jeans and dress shoes.

“Joe… what are you doing?” - your eyes filled with tears

“C’mere, baby.” - Joe smiled

I slowly walked to Joe who was nervously rubbing his sweaty palms on the front of his pants.

Joe took my hands in his and took in a deep nervous shaky breath.

“y/n y/l/n, for as long as I can remember I've wished for a princess to be the woman next to me. When I was younger every wish I made on an eyelash, dandelion, shooting star, or birthday candle, was about love. You filled that void. I remember the first time I laid eyes on you back at Ohio State, I was so infatuated with you but I knew there was no way I would be able to get an actual goddess to get out with me.” - Joe

He paused to laugh with me while I wiped my tears until he forged ahead.

“I was so surprised that my embarrassingly awful tries at flirting with you worked. I didn't need tutoring that much by the way, I just really wanted to be with you any chance I got. It seriously didn't matter to me if I was at your dorm studying till two with an eight AM practice the next morning if it meant I was spending time with you. You've been the one consistent thing in my life since then that I know will always be with me through anything. y/n, you're the princess that I've been asking for my whole life. The most gorgeous, humble, kind, selfless princess there ever was. You understand me on a level that no one else is even capable of doing and there isn't a life that I picture for myself without you in it. I'll love you when we're old farts with dentures, stealing kisses at the family get-togethers to freak our grandkids out because I know the rest of my living is with you. y/n, your love is my turning page.” - Joe

Both Joe and I giggled at his use of a line from the song that was currently playing before he dropped one of my hands to help wipe the steady flow of tears falling from my eyes.

“That being said…” - Joe

Joe paused and let go of my hands. My crying only got harder when he dropped down onto one knee and pulled the light blue Tiffany box out of his pocket. He flicked the box open and the gorgeous diamond ring only made me cry harder.

“Will you marry me?” - Joe looked up hopefully into your eyes

My hands covered my face for a second just because of how surreal this moment was.

“Yes! Of course, I'll marry you, Joe.” - your cried

Joe lept up and immediately wrapped his arms around me.

I wrapped my arms around him as he picked me up and spun me around.

When Joe finally sat me down he slipped the ring onto my finger and grabbed the back of my neck to kiss me.

Out of all the kisses we've had over seven years, this one was my favorite.

“I love you so much.” - Joe hugged you tight

“I love you too.” - you

——

We were both back in bed now that things had died down, but we were both bubbling with excitement.

“You’re my fiance.” - you smiled at Joe

“We’re getting married.” - Joe grinned

“You say that like you didn't think we ever would.” - You

“No, I knew we would. It's just official now. I'm so glad I finally did it.” - Joe

“Me too, baby. Me too.” - you smiled

I cuddled into Joe’s chest more and found myself nuzzled into his neck.

“Do you like the ring?” - Joe

“I love the ring. It's like exactly what I had pictured. You're really good at picking things out for me, Joe.” - you

“I have never put so much thought into anything else in my entire life. It took me weeks to find the one I wanted to get for you because it had to be perfect.” - Joe

“You seriously did an amazing job. We need to talk about some things though.” - you

“Like what?” - Joe

“When and how we're going to tell people, if we're going to make it public…” - you

“Shhh. We can worry about that when we're in Ohio. Right now I just want to be with my gorgeous fiance, eat dinner, and go to pound town later.” - Joe

I giggled and wrapped myself around Joe, grateful to have such an amazing man in my life who would soon be my husband.

————————————————————————-

Author’s note: on the ninth day of Christmas I gave you all the fluffiest fic ever. (part two with smut is coming guys don't worry)

Request for this fic;

[ghostofasecretary]

uuuuuuuugh fine i will "make" "a" "list"

ETA1: it's Friday and this list is getting Used, Babey, so also it looks nothing like it did. cool

more or less done:

- set ideal date for friend hang, send text once plans are possible; (Thurs) text J+A re: Sunday or Monday options (preferably Sunday)

- (Thurs) GET THE BEEPING DOWNSTAIRS TO STOP OH MY F U C K I N G GOD EMAIL MANAGEMENT RIGHT NOW

- (Thurs) do you want that random light you picked up. can you shove it in a closet. you aren't using it so store it

- (Fri) do paid quiz tomorrow

- (Fri) text friend with experience w/medical bullshit re: his thoughts on. the one places' assessment of getting meds filled in state vs. no insurance options (brb crying) (i cannot afford this shit)

- (Fri) send psych a message re: please please please Fill My Meds

- (Fri) ETA1: defrost your frozen potato soup leftovers so you can remove from bag and reheat it for a meal

- (Fri) ETA1: hi maintenance.

- (Fri) miserable. fuck me. anyway tally new purchases + venmo movements. autism also demanded feeding so i guessed at my budget/income/etc also

+ (Fri) fix discrepancies in spreadsheet vs. reality

- (Fri) are you gonna do a short meeting for fun and self fulfillment and your career that also requires work? i mean probably not. but it sounds appealing aside from Oh God, Work

- (Fri) reply to email by, like, 9:30 if possible. 10:30?? okay 1:30. god. fuck me. fuck. DONE, GO ME.

- (Fri) ETA0: if your recent laundry gives you the fucking flush for the third time please just redo it. it's *probably* the cat essence and not your detergent. okay it made my hands flush but not my chest this time so i'm gonna call it as fine because i don't want to do the laundry again.

- (Fri) finish audiobook even tho it got less compelling

- (Fri craft task) finish cowl, finish one end, sew together, Sat: weave in second end

- (Fri food task) make tamarind extract

- (Fri food task) make dal rasam + rice? honestly probably just eat more carbs than normal for a bit

- the upstairs are so much. i would love for it to be. less dirty up there. damn. fuck. i don't want to negotiate with my roommate i just want to BUY A DRYING RACK SO SHE STOPS PUTTING DISHES TO DRY FACE UP ON THE COUNTER IT'S SO ANNOYING. when the other two are here this doesn't happen. why. i'm so annoyed and i would like to use my kitchen and also feel like it is clean. this will probably get sorted Monday? maybe just ignore it?? or i can. put a trash liner in and put some dishes up and make the space more in line with my desires. ok! chill! done on Friday

- Saturday: new soap, do some freaking clothes washing babeyyyyyy. socks, tights, green sweater, oh huh turquoise dress is really stained fuck, coral skirt, slips (leave other sweaters for other days), check other skirts for stains + spot clean?? made one thing worse but Oh Well

- Sat: repair! decorative! pillow case! it's a small thing that will ease your mind and make you happier

- Friday goal: eat lunch (...failed. whoops). succeeded Saturday! also made carrot walnut bread

- eat Sat dinner (reheat! soup! also maybe make some flatbread? idk man. that shit takes time)

- (Sun) Sat: file time sheet after 5pm Friday (to account for no Bonus Work) (time before/after work + however much else it takes to make 2 hours + .25 Quiz Hours) (i can do this anytime before Monday so make it Sat)

- (Sun) ETA2: seriously please acquire new vegetables this is Not Great in terms of. like. Variety

- (Sun) if no produce: go buy produce

- (Sun) shower. please

- (Mon) vacuum

- (Mon) ETA1: oh right LAST GRAD APP. UGHHHHHH. steps? Just Do It?

- ETA2: you have to apply to 4 by MONDAY which means do it SUNDAY and look at it TONIGHT, MAYBE.

- Monday leave standing hang early to do. uh. fucking. more work. it will at least get you money!! or not, it's a Snow Day

- (Mon) ETA1: pay psych bill. ETA2: tried, they said it "timed out" and i should wait at least 15min to see what's up? so. set timer and check back. did check back, check again Sat/today. ETA...3?: just do it

- (Mon) could you hang some art on the damn walls maybe

- (1/6/25) dust

- (1/7/25) repair apron straps

ETA2/Saturday list additions:

- ETA2: you want to do poetry this Friday so you must 1) type edits to t1, 2) type edits to t2, 3) type draft of M, 4) work on M and/or R (1/10/25), 5) do new smooth English translation (your fav song, that one) + send, 6) set + confirm meeting time

timeline:

- ETA2: Sun/Mon prep for teaching, review route, etc

- ETA2: call friend Tues

meds quest:

- actually M already gave advice, call hospital pharmacies. with what energy

feed autism:

- outfits 2024

- outfit spreadsheet?? meh

- nutrition spreadsheet

food:

- make a meal plan for lowest cost highest nutrition no-buy meals with current pantry supplies only. you have a lot of dried beans and some cans and frozen veg to last a few days and frozen blueberries and a thing of tofu and two carrots and a bit of dried fruit and some pumpkin puree and a bunch of nuts and three kinds of flours and oats; probably you can, like, live for a few days without having to buy groceries. but please do go to a food bank/free grocery store/etc. get canned tomatoes and something with vitamin C

- go to free grocery store

- make list of other food banks, you do not need things to be As Dire As Possible to use the resources meant to keep you from falling into the pit, y'know, further

oh god. HOLIDAY CARDS. FUCK ME:

+ write cards, literally only 2

+ add stamps

+ 20 minute round trip you can do this babey

cleaning/maintenance:

- (1/10/24) wash apron + sheets, change sheets over

- (1/7/24) ETA1: fix turquoise hem, how did it get so ragged, sad, this is an Important Garment and must be fixed!!

- clean bathtub

- repair coat pockets + lining hem

- repair main slip

- pj pant hem maintenance (coral hole, grey hem)

- get that jump ring measurement to J for 3d printing please so you can fix that cami

- preventative-ish darning/reinforcement of every canvas bag you own

- hem blue pants so you can fucking. wear them in town in winter lmao

- get rid of your useless polluted yarn please holy fucking shit, maybe someone else will want it, you don't. or try to clean it. but it doesn't need to be in your house if you are not going to fucking use it.

* i feel like i should be clear that i'm pretty fine, financially, as long as i keep working! i'm just. deeply terrified of having less than [set number] of dollars in my savings at any point and also of having to, like, actually pay off my loans. also i lost track of interest in forbearance like an idiot and am. afearéd

* ETA1: also my part time job is tied to the school year so i will need to either a) do more freelancing or b) get a second part time job so i don't starve this summer. and if my life works the way i've wanted it to and i need to move again, i will...not be able to afford the good version of that! so a second job/more income would be REALLY REALLY HELPFUL so that i DON'T FUCKING DIE. ...not that i'm going to. just. Scary!!!

* i am inches from going "i am never going to grad school, i am simply going to get a stable full time job ASAP and never leave even if it kills me" but like. also. i have met me

life is made up of so many small moments. i spent almost an hour talking to my mom mostly about my students and my job and how much i care about what i'm doing. i ate decent food today, albeit at weird hours. i'm so loved. i really hope the money works out okay. i'm gonna try to make it work out.

making lists helps to increase the chances of things working out, you've heard. good luck. i love you. go to bed. good night

[gremlintheslut]

Forever theirs

Redone

Chapters 4, 4.5 and 5

(i wanted to make up for missing 2 posts but i would of posted 4 and 4.5 together so heres 3 chapters)

Master list

Chapter 4 safe?

Finn thrusts in and out at an inhuman pace. I feel the coil in my stomach tighten for the 9th time today. We have been doing it like rabbits in my boss's office all day. Then I hear a timer go off. "home time baby girl" Balor utters against my neck and before I know it I'm in well... Somewhere else.

We're laying down on silk sheets, the place looks like a sex dungeon and my mind is going a million miles an hour. "calm down we're at my place" he says as he continues to fuck me. I nod my head and try to focus on how good I feel but the weird stomach feeling is back.

A part of me wants to tell him to stop or to take us to my house but nothing will come out of my mouth. The coil in my tummy finally breaks and I come undone for the 9th time. Next thing I know Finn is painting my walls with his seed. He pulls out and lay beside me. "I know I probably should have asked before I took us here but I think you will have a lot of fun here," he says and I look at all of the toys surrounding us.

I know what he says is true as my eyes lock onto a toy I recognize. "not today baby get some rest your gonna need it for tomorrow" he chuckles before getting up and returning a little while later with a washcloth.

After cleaning me up he kisses me and climbs into bed next to me. "I'll never take another client again" he whispers. I don't know what to say. Obviously he means not me included. I decide to stay silent and try to fall asleep. It's hard to ignore his previous words but after a few minutes, we fall asleep but I can't help but feel upset when I wake up.

I'm home. In my bed. Alone. He has left and I wonder if he tricked me into thinking he cared so he could fuck me and leave. His euphoric effects are quickly canceled out by anxiety and fear. My head is still foggy but I'm no where near happy. this has never happened so quickly before i never knew the euphoria could leave so fast. I Get ready for work and check the date to make sure it wasn't all a dream. it wasn't. All of it was real and I guess I'll find out if he really cares today.

He hasn't gone a single day without popping up and fucking me or at least trying to. When I get to work I'm shocked that my boss isn't waiting for me so she can ridicule me. Then I'm even more shocked to find out that everyone is looking for her.

The last time anyone heard from her was yesterday when I was in her office for half the day with the door locked. The only excuse I can think of is that she was screaming at me for violating the dress code and wouldn't let me flaunt myself around the office so I had to stay with her the whole day.

I told everyone that story and that she looked pale and she might be sick and being her normal bitchy self by ignoring everone. The whole day I can't stop thinking about what Finn said. He was sure she wouldn't be back soon. What did he say to her? What did he do? Those thoughts distract me for most of the day until I leave my desk to go to the bathroom. Usually, Finn would pop up and try to have a quickie in a stall but he doesn't.

He hasn't shown up at all today. Or maybe he has and I haven't noticed. No. I would know. he hates being ignored and he wouldn't leave me alone if I didn't notice he was there. Wait. He hates being ignored. This could just be pay back for not saying anything last night.

Then the tears fall as i think of how stupid i was to say yes. Then i know this isn't pay back. If he wasn't a liar than he woupd pop up to comfort me. He'd never want to make me this sad. I was right. He used me and now my boss is missing and people might think I did something to her. No one saw me or her leave. I am filled with anxiety, sadness, and confusion. I wipe the tears from my face and leave the bathroom.

Warning: omorashi(piss kink) there will be an alternate version after this

The second I sit back down I realize that I didn't pee and I need to go pretty badly. The office is full and everyone would notice if I got back up. I sit silently squeezing my thighs together. The need gets worse and worse but my shift is almost over and it is nowhere near an acceptable time to go back to the bathroom.

I might actually piss myself on the walk home. I check the time and I can finally leave. "hey y/n can you stay a little longer?!" I hear the co-worker that's covering for my boss call out. "no!" I reply quite loudly and scramble to the door.

I get out of the building and begin to run. Then I leak. A decent-sized wet patch is left on my panties and I'm forced to slow down. At this point, it's dribbling out of me and I hobble as fast as I can into the ally I use as a shortcut. Another spurt comes out and it goes down my legs.

Then I bump into someone knocking me down and making me lose control for a few seconds. I'm sure there's a wet patch on the butt of my skirt. "you alright there love?" I hear a very familiar voice say. One I've been wanting to hear all day but suddenly want to be left alone by.

He's been watching I know he has, he always does before he pops up. There's no way he doesn't know I'm about to piss myself. He grabs me by the arm and pulls me up. He is holding most of my body weight as my legs are shaking and I can't keep myself up. My face is red and I grab onto the wall with one hand and push Finn away with the other.

He lets me and steps aside as he watches me try not to release the liquid in my bladder in front of him. I keep trying to hobble down the ally with my hand pressed hard against my cunt eyes glued to the ground.

He creeps up behind me and grabs my right leg bringing my knee to chest height. I use both of my hands to hold myself. But he moves his hand from underneath my knee and replaces it with his inner elbow. Now both his hands are free he can restrain me properly. "no" I whimper out as I lose control again for a few seconds but I can barley gain control. There's a mini puddle growing beneath me.

I hear a chuckle in front of me and I look up. There are three people in front of us watching me piss myself slowly. 2 men and 1 woman. The woman gets up from the crate she was sitting on and walks towards me. She has a big grin on her face as she stares at my terrified one. She has sharp fangs and I know immediately she is Rhea. I take notice of the fact she's as pale as a ghost.

She puts her hand out and her fingers poke at my bulging bladder. Her smile widens her fangs more visible as she watches drops of piss go down my leg and into the puddle. I can hear the 2 men laughing at me but I'm too scared to look at them. I can hear Finn laughing at me too.

I squirm and whine as she puts more pressure on my bladder. I can tell they love what they see but I haven't gotten a single confirmation from Finn that I am safe. I think about my missing boss for a second before I'm brought back by the feeling and the tall woman's palm squeezing my bladder.

I lose control fully and for 2 whole minutes, I pissed and moaned at the relief. Whilst They all laugh at me.

Words-1408

Chapter 4.5 safe? Alt

Finn thrusts in and out at an inhuman pace. I feel the coil in my stomach tighten for the 9th time today. We have been doing it like rabbits in my boss's office all day. Then I hear a timer go off. "home time baby girl" Balor utters against my neck and before I know it I'm in well... Somewhere else.

We're laying down on silk sheets, the place looks like a sex dungeon and my mind is going a million miles an hour. "calm down we're at my place" he says as he continues to fuck me. I nod my head and try to focus on how good I feel but the weird stomach feeling is back.

A part of me wants to tell him to stop or to take us to my house but nothing will come out of my mouth. The coil in my tummy finally breaks and I come undone for the 9th time. Next thing I know Finn is painting my walls with his seed. He pulls out and lay beside me. "I know I probably should have asked before I took us here but I think you will have a lot of fun here," he says and I look at all of the toys surrounding us.

I know what he says is true as my eyes lock onto a toy I recognize. "not today baby get some rest your gonna need it for tomorrow" he chuckles before getting up and returning a little while later with a washcloth.

After cleaning me up he kisses me and climbs into bed next to me. "I'll never take another client again" he says. For a moment I'm shocked. Obviously he means me excluded. I don't know what to say so I jsut try to fall asleep. Of course it's hard to ignore his previous words but after a few minutes, we fall asleep but I can't help but feel upset when I wake up.

I'm home. In my bed. Alone. He has left and I wonder if he tricked me into thinking he cared so he fuck me and leave. The euphoric feeling he gave me is quickly canceled out by anxiety. My head us still foggy from it but I'm no where near happy. I never knew the euphoric feeling could leave so fast. I Get ready for work and check the date to make sure it wasn't all a dream it wasn't. All of it was real and I guess I'll find out if he really cares today. He hasn't gone a single day without popping up and fucking me or at least trying to.

When I get to work I'm shocked that my boss isn't waiting for me so she can ridicule me. Then I'm even more shocked to find out that everyone is looking for her. The last time anyone heard from her was yesterday when I was in her office for half the day with the door locked. The only excuse I can think of is that she was screaming at me for violating the dress code and wouldn't let me flaunt myself around the office so I had to stay with her the whole day.

I told everyone that story and that she looked pale and she might be sick. The whole day I can't stop thinking about what Finn said. He was sure she wouldn't be back soon? What did he say to her? What did he do? Those thoughts distract me for most of the day until I leave my desk to go to the bathroom.

Usually, Finn would pop up and try to have a quickie in a stall but he doesn't. He hasn't shown up at all today. Or maybe he has and I haven't noticed. No. I would know he hates being ignored and he wouldn't leave me alone if I didn't notice he was there. Wait. He hates being ignored. This could just be pay back for ignoring him last night. No if it was pay back he'd be watching and he'd pop up when he noticed how upset i was.

Then the tears fall. I was right. He used me and now my boss is missing and people might think I did something to her. No one saw me or her leave. I am filled with anxiety, sadness, and confusion. I wipe the tears from my face and leave the bathroom.

The day passes slowly. I finally get to go home. The walk is lonely and I keep getting the weird stomach feeling. I turn into the alleyway where all of this bullshit started and I fight off the urge to turn around and take the long way home. Then arms wrap around my waist. "miss me, princess?" the Irish voice reaches my ears and for a second I am happy before I remember everything about today.

I want to pry his hands off and slap him. Then a second set of hands rest on my shoulders. I look up and see a tall unfamiliar woman. "I have been dying to meet you, sweetheart," she says staring into my eyes and smiling. I can see fangs where 2 normal teeth should be and i know this is rhea. I feel one hand leave my shoulder but I am too afraid to look at what it's doing. 

A wet cloth is then placed over my mouth and I try to hold my breath. I feel lightheaded and I am forced to breathe in. Then I feel relaxed and weightless. My knees buckle and the 2 sets of arms catch me. I am slightly aware of 2 other people standing near us. I close my eyes and they dont open for a while.

Words-933

Chapter 5 unknown and uneasy

I wake up in a small dark room. It's cold but not freezing. I can feel eyes watching me but my body is so sore from sleeping on concrete I don't bother to look. I have been kidnapped. By a demon. of all things a demon. I can't leave. I probably never will.

"I know you awake," a deep voice says unlike Finn's from the corner. I turn my head and look at the man. He's tall as fuck and hairy too. if there was any chance of me getting out of here there isn't now. "what do you want?" I snap. There's no point in being nice they're going to kill me.

"Excuse you?" fangs on the top and bottom if his mouth show. he stares at me and I shrink back. The words 'I'm sorry' get so close to leaving my mouth but I stop them. He continues to stare at me expecting an apology. I turn my head away from his cold frightening eyes. He scoffs at me astonished that I had the nerve to not answer.

I hear him leave his spot in the corner. "let me rephrase that for you-" he grabs me by the hair pulling my sore limbs up. I grab at his hands and he swats me away with the other hand his slightly overly long nails scratching me. "apologize. or. regret. it." he says through his teeth. "I'm sorry" my voice wavers. "I won't say anything like that again." he drops me to the floor. "good bitch" I can hear the smile in his voice.

"This is how this is gonna work," he says grabbing my arm his nails scratching me again and pulling me up. He turns me to face him and he squats down in front of me. "you call me sir or daddy nothing fucking else got it?" he says sternly I nod my head. He grabs a hand full of my hair. "Got. it?!" he says louder. "yes" I squeak. He pulls harder. "yes who?!" he yells in my face and I flinch away. "yes sir" he lets go of my hair.

"you've met Finn properly, i guess you met Rhea but you still need to meet dom" he says "is rhea the woman I saw the other night?" He slaps me in the face. "that's not what you fucking call her you hear me?" he says. "yes sir" I repeat the same phrase from before. "you call her mommy, you call Finn master and you call dom Papi," he says and I nod my head to show him I'm listening.

"you can call any of us daddy we know you're into that," referring to the fact I'm a little. They must have been stalking me. They wouldn't have to for long before they figured it out but still. I can feel my face get hot and I look at the ground. They don't want to kill me. Do they?

I'm hesitant to ask. "sir?" "yes sweetheart?" my stomach churns at the nickname. "are you going to kill me?" I ask the question. He chuckles. "we don't want to. We really don't but, if you become a problem we can't just take you home" I look at the ground again. He puts 2 fingers under my chin and lifts my head. "we'll take good care of you" he says. Then he leans in and kisses me. I don't kiss back. I don't pull away I'm too scared to.

This is my life now. All the way until the end this is what it will be like. My eyes glass over with tears. When he pulls away he sees my fear and looks at me disappointed and seemingly disgusted. I try not to let the tears fall. I really do. But they fall. I cover my mouth with my hand as i begin to sob. But when Damian sees this he does something unexpected. He sits down, pulls me into his lap, and hugs me. HUGS. ME.

I'm sorry but what the actual fuck is going on. I cry harder and try to pull away. He holds me still and shush's me. Then the door opens.

Words-732

I know this is the shortest chapter yet sorry love ya-gremlin💞💋💗

[sarasa-cat]

Feeling behind on EVERYTHING thanks to probably-almost-definitely COVID recovery.

If left to my own devices, I sleep for 13.5 hours all in one go, just dead to the world oh so dead, not waking up for anything. That makes fitting everything else in a little bit difficult.

All that is really left is:

a. Managing the inflammation from low-grade viral-induced asthma which is definitely a thing I have experience with and do not enjoy.

b. Giving my body whatever time it needs to recover which means if sleep is what is on the menu during the best weather of the year (where I am) well, fml, but that is how it is gonna be.

In short, I'm going to be a bit flaky with being online for the rest of this month. Sometimes I will be VERY online as in EXCEEDINGLY online, and then other days I'll be making the best of what time I have to keep Life/Work/Shit moving forward and will probably seem like a ghost.

Low-grade viral induced asthma talk will commence here:

So, it is really simple: many different kinds of viruses can set off viral-induced asthmatic swelling of the airways. After the virus is long dead, the swelling persists. Fun times. 🙃

Normally, these days, if I am in a micro-climate that is dry enough** (I'm not talking desert bone dry, although I do like it, but just Not Perpetually Damp And Moldy), I just let all of my asthma medications expire at the bottom of an overstuffed medical-junk drawer in the bathroom. The only thing I take daily is a cocktail of OTC allergies meds.

When viruses attack --- as in the common cold, flu, etc. --- I dust those bad boys off and get on top of things as fast as possible while also making a point of AVOIDING ANY kind of irritating particulate air pollution that will set it off or make it worse. Cheap wet wood smoke? Neighbor's stank-ass BBQ? Get that shit outta my life.

The better course of action is the slow and boring kind: cancel the next 3 weeks of activities and just let it calm down with inhaled corticosteroids. But, if things get really bad or I am desperate need of immediate relief because my schedule cannot accommodate 3 weeks of doing very little followed by 2 more weeks of regaining my prior-to-attack aerobic stamina, I just break the glass and pop open the steroid step-down pack. Fast and effective, but annoying side effects can also occur.

Right now I have decided that things aren't bad enough for the BIG GUNS and that I can (grumbling grumbling grumbling) sorta afford to be on my ass for 3 weeks. But hooboy, I am not having a good time of it. (Oh, and that, that upcoming 10k fundraiser I had originally planned on staggering through? my participation is entirely, completely, no questions asked cancelled).

What I really want to do is just sit outside in a hot and dry place and let my whole body dry out. You might laugh but I am not joking about the power of that speeding things up. Unfortunately, despite it being august and living in a place that is definitely feeling the effects of global warming, it doesn't get hot enough here to be bathing suit weather under the baking hot sun. But, taking a picnic blanket+basket and a sketchbook to spread out under a tree in a park does sound like a good idea for tomorrow and Saturday (while dressed in long pants, t-shirt, and light cotton sweater).

Anyhow, for now I am taking the SLOW recovery route because I don't have anything forcing me to wage hardcore steroidal warfare on my body, which is precisely what the prednisone does.

But that means I will be flaky because my time is constrained. Some days I'll just say "fuck it" and have a sick day in bed with my laptop or phone and I'll be exceedingly online. Other days I'll make the best of the time I have to do all the adulting that still needs to be done by me, to get actual work done, or to make careful use of energy to (at this pace) inch-worm my way through the epic KonMari of various shit in my house & home-office/studio that needs to be organized.

This is really annoying and not how I planned on spending my august --- which is actually my favorite month of the year! But, oh well. OH WELL.

oh well.

[wcdonaldo]

anyway I think I've solved the riddle

it seems the answer i've landed on for the cause of my current mental state can be summed up as "I'm not presenting my gender the way I want to and I'm not interacting with enough trans people IRL"

which are two problems that, while not entirely unrelated, have very different solutions

the first problem is relatively easy to solve, though kind of expensive (and made more difficult due to my body type). simply put i need to find more femme ways to dress casually so that i don't feel as gross. part of me wants to dye my hair a little, though I think step one before I go there is to figure out a new hairstyle - I usually just part it in the middle (where it parts very easily but the hair gets kinda thin there) and then loosely tie it back, and then use leave-in conditioner to make sure the hair stays down near my ears. here's a picture as an example, though the hair's kinda messy cause I'm laying in bed at the end of the day

aside from hair (which I'll work on but am probably gonna have to sort out with a hair stylist) i have to figure out two other major concerns with my appearance, which are the red blotches on my face and my clothes. the red blotches are either acne or rosacea (though I'm kinda young for rosacea) but tbqh I need to see a dermatologist about it. again if anybody knows any trans-friendly dermatologists in the chicago area I'd jump at the chance, but it's not priority until i can get that sorted because it's not something I can handle or even diagnose without medical help or knowledge. I kinda want to learn a little more about makeup to help hide it, but even then I want to see if I can reduce the symptoms a bit first.

clothing wise is where gender presentation runs into some money and anxiety issues because what it boils down to is that I actually rather like the stereotypical "programmer socks" and own a couple pairs, but they 1. don't stay up unless I use fashion glue due to my fat thighs and 2. get nervous at the notion of wearing them in public or even around my apartment. i have two roommates, one of whom i would be upset if he called me cringe for wearing these in my mid-20s (the other roommate i do not particularly care for their opinion, he regularly seems to "forget" I'm a girl), so i think i might pull him aside and talk to him tomorrow to tell him not to judge me openly. even then there's a lot of anxiety about wearing it in public, or even other thigh high socks, though that can be hopefully changed if I start hanging out with crowds that also dress that way. aside from that my other issue is frankly that I don't have any outfits to wear socks or tights with; I have one dress that they might maybe work with, but even then I don't have anything short enough that I can casually throw it on without covering the top of the socks (they go up really high, like almost all the way to the corners of the crotch. they might actually be a little too tall but idk enough to say). i don't even know where i would start looking, considering that whatever I'd find would have to have at least like a 46" inch waist. to be honest ultimate goals would be wearing an outfit like that with a hoodie or a sweater? neither of which i own (more money...) but that can be fixed. I don't know what else i'd wear as a top and again I'm not suuuuuper sure where to start looking, but i think the hoodie would be a step in the right direction.

and to be clear here the clothing thing is entirely me just aping the way I see other trans girls dress online, and while i like the way it looks and understand the general style I've never quite understood any decisions that went into it aside from "it looks good"-- the biggest mystery of my life has been watching other trans women give clothing advice and always talking about "framing the shoulders," which is a phrase on par with wizardry to me. i simply have no idea what that means and it's never really been explained to me in a way that makes sense. all i really know is that the way I've dressed since I transitioned has mostly mirrored the way I dressed before I transitioned. this picture of me where I felt relatively confident looks like a somewhat more femme version of the way I dressed in high school and freshman year college

this is more or less how I've dressed all my life, except before this year I didn't own any camisoles at all and all my bras were sports bras (for convenience) so i just had whatever shitty tshirt I could find with kinda small breasts. it's very casual and practical and doesn't deviate a whole lot from what i already know, but what i already know isn't good enough. it doesnt feel right when I look in the mirror, it doesn't make my heart race. it makes me feel allergic to my own clothing. in summary i need to change or die trying, which hopefully can be done on a budget and with some help from some friends

the other major issue, frankly, is the same as always - i need to surround myself with people a little more like me. going to support groups hasn't really panned out, and has involved me meeting other trans people that I would define as "normie" - not to mention the one time I went down to boystown and took a breather in the center on halsted, and the security guard there gave me the stinkeye the entire time. i really don't like the word "normie" but frankly it's the word in my vocabulary that fits the best - these were people who I would define as my brothers, sisters, and siblings, and yet we shared no other commonalities, no interests at all. people where aside from being trans, felt like they were entirely culturally different than me. this issue is a hell of a lot harder to solve than buying clothes (though it ties into relieving the anxiety of how I dress in public by having other people who dress similarly) and frankly i'm not sure where to even start on trying to solve this one. i'm planning on taking chances on anime conventions and hoping to find other people there, but who knows what luck I'll have with that; i've made maybe two friends that i actively talk to since high school, and my social skills have kind of atrophied as a result. it helps to have other people along to push me into social situations, but i can't always have people i know there (especially since everybody i know who'd be willing to go with is eternally busy).

I think some of this also ties into trust issues in my romantic life (implying that I have one) and general feelings of loneliness, but logically I think before I can really handle being in any kind of relationship I need to get myself in a mental state where I can actually believe that somebody would feel something for me other than revulsion or mild annoyance

so yeah I think that sorts out my issues, and maybe (hopefully) gives me a place to start getting shit figured out again, and get to a better mental state. thank y'all for not unfollowing me during my monthlong mental breakdown lmao. maybe i'll email this post to my therapist

[despair-to-future-arcs]

Oh, we've met Zero, and just let's say that she not longer goes by that name...

Ah, I see... well I suppose that does make sense she change her name.

Which is more reason to tell Minoru and make make something for her!

...Hey uh, are you really sure that's a good idea? I can get the gesture but you sure telling him about her would help...?

Huh? What do you mean, Minoru just lost his whole family and now it's discover that his sister is alive - I feel he needs to know.

I get that but sometimes it's better if certain family aren't aware of each other...

Really...? Is that about your cousin?

Yeah, my cousin is getting chase down by our uncle and she's been avoiding him so she's with me for that reason, that's why the 2 of us are in hiding; I just think you should be careful with that since sometimes it's better if family don't meet each other.

Yeah but... but this is Minoru, he's a doctor and I'm sure he wouldn't do anything.

Besides, I just figure we do something nice for her after all the crap she had to deal with; so I want to at least help her...

Alright, well I gotta get to bed; just keep in mind what I say... (Fumiya is a pretty nice guy and all but I think he's being a bit too naive...)

*Naoyuki walks towards the door as he closes the door...*

...I'm not sure what Naoyuki was going on about, but I do think Minoru needs to know, I better tell him...

*Fumiya walk over as Minoru was on the couch, reading*

Well, at least I can relax before heading to bed...

Hey Mino, I wanted to tell ya some good news; I just recently learn that your sister Zero is alive...!

Wa-Wait, what...? Alive, you mean she's alive right now!

*gets up* WH-Why didn't you tell me sooner?! Where is she!

Whoa whoa, calm down! Yeah, she is and I got the address for the orphanage and I was thinking of sending her some food, do you want to help? I know that you 2 didn't get along but I figure I ask...

I see...

Well, maybe we can do that - after all, she probably does need something good to eat; alright I can do that...

Awesome, okay I'll go get the kitchen ready; good thing this hotel is all set with food, let's go!

*Fumiya walks to the kitchen but Minoru watches...*

... (I see... so Zero is alive, I better take care of this...)

FUMIYA: Hey babe, you coming?

Ah yes yes, coming!

*he walks in as Minoru and him start making some food, meanwhile outside...*

...

...

...

???: Is...Is this the place? Yes, I think we found it!

Nice work, I knew following that baker back to the hotel would be easy!

Indeed... it's surprising that it's a firefighter house of all things and it's underground as well...

So now that we found it, what are we gonna do?

Yeah are we gonna sneak Emma in there?

Nah, I don't think so - it's far too dangerous so I think instead we are gonna have Emma dress as that private investigator and see if she can find any documents of those we want to put into the killing game.

It does appear to have security but I'm sure Mikado can break in.

Right, I don't think I can pretend to be her for too long especially as Mikado did inform me that they even had chips in them if they get kidnapped, but I'll check the area but I do think someone should keep watch if any members come by.

Yeah, I think it be safer if I'm here with you so we can go together but I think we got our part done, we better go and get ready for tomorrow.

*the 4 left in darkness, they got a plan set...*

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary323

8/7-8/24

wednesday - thursday

normal day inside.

i started the day with an abstract nightmare with eminem in it... and then there was this other dream about raising worms, and my aunt hating them. i can't really even begin to describe either, the eminem one especially, it repeated one time after, that dream included me writing what eminem had rapped, and then it ended the same, with like, this screamer of a demonic eminem appearing, but it was like actually scary, somehow, at least to my body, it shocked me awake. i really cannot express what these dreams felt like, what they looked like, they were like, paper mache or early flash, some point between those, just of totally flimsy, unconvincing material, and still i believed, because the threat seemed real.

the other dream is much harder to describe, it involved going to the movies, the movie being like a game i was playing... and these worms, the kind who shoot their insides out all over what they're trying to eat, and then sort of digesting it like that, those sorts, i was raising them, my aunt hated them, we were in a place...it was somewhere like egypt, and it was somewhere like the poorly lit room in my stepdad's house with green carpet.

other news, my gf and her mom went to pick up my package... i didn't realize until the other day it was in retention and i realized that this meant more than like... waiting to ship from one spot to the next. and then i put the tracking info into usps today... and they already claimed it. that was so crazy... maybe i am just dumb but yeah... the new clothes are here. i am sure i will post myself in these pieces soon but i'm really happy with the order, a couple shirts, a tulle bolero thingy, a slip dress, a corset belt, 2 necklaces, and a heart bag from milk, and this cardigan type deal, it goes over stuff, it looks like fruit netting, it's super pretty and it'll look good over sleeveless things, it's gonna be so perfect with a lot of shirts where i want an extra crazy layer.

i wanted to work on music today but i did not... i didn't do much productive today, and no one came over, our friends had another emergency, things are not going well for them,.. very unfun for them and i feel bad, obviously i don't mind or anything, it's just sad that their lives are a bit rough rn. even if it's just like, a vet visit, that can be all kinds of unpleasant, on the spectrum of waste of money to oh no my beloved animal will die soon. hopefully i guess it's just not too bad a waste of money.

i did cook today, i'm happy with how the food came out, i need to set the chicken aside and then put it back in the stir fry from now on, i guess i just avoid that out of laze... no more... it's not like it even tasted bad before it was just a bit less flavorful... now it goes crazy... yay i suppose. i also need to call my mom soon, i'll ask about that tomorrow probably.

i keep listening to swan lake / death disco. maybe i need to just work out some stuff on the bass soon. just go crazy, write riffs for bass, get in on some locked grooves. that would be fun.

i still hafta work out, guh, i'll do it now...

i did it , and i got distracted by rfactor2 racing videos and music by a guy i've liked since hs, but no one knows him cuz he's like, just a guy who does stuff, kind of how i do things.

i knew him as bettenhaus rhyne in hs, years ago i went looking for that record to hear it again, that he did, and then i found him as terre noire, and then upon rediscovering him and loving the newer stuff, i posted some in a server i was in, and it turns out one of my friends is friends with him, crazy coincidence, small world and all that. i think his music is really special though, it's some of the only post punk stuff made recently that really does keep at the avant garde goals some bands in the original scene had, kinda brings lemon kittens to mind, or at least how i felt when i heard lemon kittens for the first time. a lot of the song structure weirdness, it's all very intentional and alien, he's a great songwriter when it comes to dislocating things, kind of makes songs that ache and creak in their slithering/unfurling.

interesting, there's a music vid for one of his songs, the song's like 7 years old, at least, but the vid's 2 months old:

this video gets at one of the cooler things about his visual aesthetic, which is all the worlds.com early freaky 3d type stuff he's into, the video was made by other guys but it's in keeping w/ what he likes, he's always been big on that, i remember.

whoever did the animation for that vid is in this band:

this song's pretty good, some of the other stuff... not so much, but this is really bizarre. the vocals, the banjo, it shouldn't work, but it does... really really weird. rocks though. it's like a poppier version of mamaleek or something.

the song right after that one is like. really awful rap rock. that's crazy. i guess i respect how much this band throws at the wall. they're in a really cursed zone, nearly too indieshit too handle, doing some really interesting stuff... so odd how bands like this appear. guys who know all that weird noise stuff but still really like... i dunno... i can't gather what's going on here. i do think i wasn't there is gonna stick with me though, since it is a confluence of that weird zone of like, local band that's just doing wayyyy too much, and then that turning out a good song somehow. fucked up.

need to sleep, now, too late / too early but not even early it's almost gonna be almost noon almost almost noon. 9:30 feels so close... how odd.

listened to this alex g song and now i must sleep:

so,

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[indigo474]

3/30/24- Easter eve

i had a good week in the office. good=productive. I hardly have a team. 6- 1 comes back on Monday. the company is minimizing OT so most have off during the week-a few are working under 40. I had to do a lot in regards to the division I oversee.. talks with the GM and the service supervisor who a few weeks ago was gunning for me over an email- this week he was calling me sweetie.. someone overheard me on the phone with him and handed me a note saying he's ON today. When I hung up she said I think he drinks.. I think I had a good week work wise but its hard to tell- I showed up and did my best -

James switched up my workouts. Monday and Tuesday- i'm back to back squatting which I kind of like. Push-pull- by Tuesday I was sore- expected - wed I wanted to run at the park but it rained so I couldn't which was probably a good thing because I was still sore- its kind of nice coming home and catching up on things around here. Thursday I went to the gym and lifted a little- it was crowded.. I didn't do a few things I was supposed to because I didn't want to wait for the machines- I showed up so I'm gonna take it as a win.. so Friday all I can think about is running at the park- I checked the weather and no rain so yeah- I was feeling so good and looking forward to running so much that I planned on increasing the time by about another 10 minutes or so which would have meant I would be running for over an hour so I had to get there early.. I get up, have coffee and get up off the chair i'm sitting on and my back locks up.. I have no idea why. I tried stretching it was really stiff. I made myself get dressed with the hope that it would just go away.. I took motrin and decided that I was still going to the park because at this point I really needed to clear my head -maybe I cant run, but I can walk. I walked for a bit and did run a little. My back was on and off all day. I took a heating pad to work and took tylenol and Motrin. By last night it was fine and I was able to run today- I didn't up my time. I plan on running tomorrow so maybe tomorrow. I'm not sure why is going on and i'm not freaking out- totally random.. maybe? i don't know. sometimes I think things happen to remind me that i am not in control.

My mom came over Wednesday and was incredibly mean. I won't be spending Easter with her and I am Ok with that. I'm thinking Easter isn't my holiday. she was putting down where i live and kept telling me i was just like my father. When she was here last we had a conversation about my decision to not drink alcohol. we had a conversation. she has never purchased alcohol for me-NEVER-she hands me a bottle of wine and tells me she went to a special place to get it-i'm not supposed to get upset- but I do and she leaves and i'm glad and I wont be cooking Easter dinner and could I have handled it better- probably- I cant be around people who cant act right.

Madison has declared she does not celebrate Easter.

I have cutback on my caffeine consumption- I have a feeling it may have been contributing to the anxiety I was feeling. the amount of coffee I was drinking was crazy. I'm limiting myself to 2 cups per day, 1 energy drink and tea, Still a lot but not as much.. maybe.

[marcholasmoth]

OSRR: 3388

i want cereal. i'm hungry again.

grumble grumble grumble.

i'm gonna have to go to the grocery store and get some things that i'll actually eat. get me some cheerios. gotta replenish my snack cabinets.

anyway.

today was pretty good. i woke up earlier than i expected or wanted, so i laid in bed for a while until joel asked me if i wanted breakfast. so i threw on some clothes and went and ordered and picked up breakfast for us and then i went back to bed. i was on my phone for a little bit and then napped until just before 2. i remembered i had an appointment scheduled with christine, so i wanted to be awake for it. and i was!

i talked to christine about a few things. most of it was about how seeing shit at work is taxing and trying to find ways to cope with it. she recommended allowing myself time and space to think about it all on my way home, and once i hit a certain point in the trip i officially sign out and don't think about it anymore. i'm gonna try that this week.

she also gave me recommendations for dealing with my parents disregarding the boundaries i set about talking religion, which is to say that i told them i don't wanna talk about it or hear about it, but they say "i know you don't wanna hear about it/talk about it, but" before they just run a semi through the boundaries i put in place. so i need to tell them off for disrespecting my boundaries. easier said than done.

anyway, after therapy i got up and showered and got dressed and came home. i went to go pick up peppers afterward and i helped mom make fajitas for dinner. they were pretty good.

i also got an email from my boss's boss's boss to do a favor for him in looking up information about a person who was supposed to work at a certain place and i hit him back up half an hour after i saw the email with anything he could possibly need and a lot of extra information he absolutely wouldn't need. but he probably asked larry, who told him i'm the person who finds things. i like that this is my reputation.

i'm very good at finding things i shouldn't be able to find.

it's fun.

this applies to things on the internet and things around places.

the tradeoff, however, is that i can't remember people's names or faces.

it sucks. i just have to have sticky notes with names on them all over the place. i manage.

anyway, work tomorrow and a doctor's appointment. i'll see joel on wednesday. i'm excited to see him again. i miss him when i'm not with him. he says it's silly. i just shrug and say it again anyway. what's he gonna do, make me not miss him?? that's literally not possible.

i'm so happy i get to see him so often, even if it's just for a few minutes in a day. even if he's busy doing something else. even if i have to go to bed as soon as i get there. i always make a little time to give affection to and receive affection from my joel.

he makes me happy.

[deeisace]

.

Typed this out last night and fell asleep without posting - still dressed and with the lights on, even

My uncle just flew in from Thailand to like help my dad some with their mum's funeral uhhh stuff

And obviously he's exhausted and it's a fuckin awful awful situation but idk like

My dad's been working out like who's gonna come and stuff, all my nana's friends and her facebook groups an all sorts, he's doing all the logistics and like most everything, and my uncle's gonna pay for it cs he's the business guy right

We've been talking a little bit in code cs my grandad has Alzheimer's and we don't want to upset him? But I think that's what's sorta been agreed

Also dad's sent an email to the Alzheimer's Society asking for advice of what we should do about grandad, if to tell him and upset him every 2 days, or to kinda leave it and say she's at hospital when he asks - dad also says that grandad's unlikely to last a year, this morning, which I didn't fully know

Anyway dad's done maths and my uncle hears there might be 60 people coming to Nana's - we don't have a huge family, there's maybe 15-20 family and the rest will be friends - and he says "no, we have to do something about that, I can't do that"

Which, totally fair enough to be socially anxious an stuff - maybe he's thinking he has to stand and talk, cs he's the oldest son, but there's no set way to do a funeral, he doesn't have to do that - absolutely totally fair, and it'd be fucking awful even without it being your mum's funeral

But who the fuck can we turn away, you can't turn people away from a funeral - from saying goodbye to someone they've known for 50 years, or who helped them through their cancer in between dealing with her own, or I don't know what else, she had a whole bunch of fb groups - she was a force of nature, and she helped a ton of people, and lots of people loved her, and I know it's hard and I know he has like social anxiety problems and fucking nobody wants to talk to ~60 strangers and/or people he hasn't seen for 30 years, for three hours, full stop, let alone in this fucking awful situation, but I don't know what else we can do?

Dad and him are going to the funeral people, they've got an appointment tomorrow morning to figure some stuff out, idk if they'll have an idea of what to do - dad says valium would help, but my uncle is not the sort as would agree to that, and my stepmum says maybe he can stay for a short while and then go uh like say he has to go and sit with his dad cs we couldn't organise an all-day carer (tho my dad's sorted that already, pending a date), which I think is probably the closest to a solution we can manage tbh

Oh I don't bloody know

Nice thing tho, I went out and got some lavender from the garden - her lavender, that dad says originally came from her mum's garden - to hang up and dry, so to sort of send with her? It was mum's idea, I think it's a nice one - dad helped me tie it up to hang on a hook in the garage, y'know, I'll find a nice ribbon for it - tho I imagine we'll (or dad will, he's been nonstop, I'm amazed in between my sadness) have to ask a funeral person if that's okay

But then mum's friend, her funeral was today, and they sent her off with - I forget which, but some nice greenery - like, with her - so it must be okay

I know that nana's funeral is going to be in about 2 weeks, but I need to remember to tell dad tomorrow that my granny's one is on the 24th, so if possible to avoid that day, so that I can go to both

[specialbrewbutterbeer]

Back In North Island I Pt 2 (Bradshaw!Reader)

Word Count: 2806

TW: Parental Death, Alcohol consumption, general angst

AN: I'm working on Part 2 of Recall, I know that mainly what people are waiting, it's coming! I promise! But I just had to post this because it's been in my notes for ages and I can't seem to get it any better than it is- so suggestions going forward for this one would be really really helpful! (As for Recall!)

Requests are open and welcome, and Feedback is very much needed, it's was makes me wanna keep going and lets me know what you like to see me write ✍️ So please feel free to leave some!

PART 1

REQUESTS (OPEN)

MASTERLIST

Sandy lay back in her motel bed. It was dark by now, just the lights of the street lamps and cars passing by. She couldn't sleep.

She opened her door, and stepped out. She wasn't wearing shoes, which was probably a mistake, god knows what she could step on out here in the dark, but she didn't even think of it. She made sure she had her phone and room key in her pocket before she closed the door behind her, and went and sat down on the kurb beside her car, and looked up at the sky.

"Hey, Dad." She spoke under her breath. "I know Bradley talks to you all the time- but I don't. I'm sorry about that." She paused, suddenly feeling a pang of sadness that rang so deep, she thought it might kill her off. She took a deep breath. "It feels weird missing you- I'm missing something I never had... But Dad? I miss you. I miss you so much. My whole life I've been being told about you, stories, pictures. I feel like I know you and yet- we were never here together. Sometimes I think I should have become a pilot, just because then I might be closer to you, but- that's not really how it works is it? I hope you're up there. I hope you can hear me. I hope you know that there was no-one better you could have left behind for us than Uncle Pete. He's not perfect, but he cares. A lot..." She sighed. "Are you upset that he and Brad aren't talking? I am. They're all I've got without you and Mom. God... I wish you were here. I reckon you'd know how to straighten them out? I wish you were here for me. So I could be your little girl like I was supposed to. So you could sing that stupid song with me and Brad." She got too choked up to continue. She looked down through tears at her phone. She wiped her eyes and her finger hovered over her brother's name, then Maverick's. She didn't know that she wanted to talk to either if them. She'd have to open up to her brother one day- but tonight wasn't the night. Tomorrow was too big of a day for him and she didn't know that she even could do it tonight.

She turned off the phone and went back inside, but not before blowing two kisses up to the sky.

The next day, she got up and decided to do something she'd never even wanted to do before.

She got dressed, tied back her hair and wiped away the little bit of makeup she'd had on the day before but never taken off before she slept, and reapplied it, then got into her car and drove for about a half hour before she finally found what she was looking for.

She parked and stepped out and then walked along the isles and columns and rows to the right spot. She'd had the plot number memorised since she was a kid, but always refused to go. Even when they had intered their mother's ashes here- she had always felt bad about letting Bradley do that alone but she was just a kid and she couldn't face it.

She looked down at the little pale headstone, then her eyes began watering so badly that she couldn't read it. She looked over it and out to the sea before wiping her eyes.

This whole trip out to see her brother wasn't meant to be so emotional.

She sat down, cross-legged at the foot of the grave, placing the flowers that she had stopped to buy on the way, on top of it. This was the closest she was gonna get to her parents, and she felt so much like a kid in that moment.

'Nick 'Goose' Bradshaw 1962-1986'

She couldn't even read her Mom's name before she burst out into tears. Thank god no-one else was around, she didn't want to disturb anyone else- but then again, who would judge a woman for crying at her parents' grave?

Eventually she managed to collect herself, with her eyes and throat stinging and a shiver running through her, though it was hot. She looked back out at the sea. He died out there. She'd always been told it was quick- instant even, but who really knew that for sure. Someone had been with him at least- the same person who had always been there for her. That was a comfort- she and her Dad had one thing in common for sure- and that was Maverick.

They'd always called him that. Their Mom called him Pete more, but it was just force of habit for the kids. She was even used to hearing her Dad referred to by his call sign, didn't know either of their real names till she was about ten- but she'd just never got used to hearing 'Rooster' across a bar and connecting that with her brother.

She stayed there for a while, talked quietly to herself, her Mom and Dad, and eventually felt- better.

She lazed about on the beach most of the rest of the day, by the bar, which wasn't far from her motel- so she left her car there and walked over. When it opened in the early evening, she went in; wet hair, in her bikini- got plenty of stares, though there weren't many people, as she crossed to the toilets to change into a pair of shorts and a white t-shirt, something comfy and scruffy. She had brought a second tshirt to dry her hair off with, which worked just fine.

Then she just waited around until dusk hit. When it did, she let another hour pass before texting her brother.

'Hey you free?'

'Just got dismissed for the day'

'We're all heading for the showers'

'Why?'

'Can you come talk with me for a while?'

'I haven't seen you in ages and I'm heading home tomorrow- I just thought we could chat.'

'Yeah'

'Alright'

'I was gonna call you anyway'

'Where do you wanna meet?'

'I'm in the Hard Deck'

'Give me a half hour 👍'

She let herself relax. She'd built it up in her mind that she might not get to actually just see her brother- that was the whole point of this trip- taking a week off of work to drive out here (what with her preference for not flying) and such. God- she wished they were a bit closer again.

"Hey- Sands'!" She heard the door open and her name, which snapped her out of it.

She turned around and smiled. She was so relieved to see her brother.

"Hey hey." She spoke, maybe sounding a bit down, as Brad sat down beside her at the bar- wearing on of his classic Hawaiian shirts (one of their Dad's of course) and with his sunnies hanging from the neck of his vest.

"You good? Had to run last night and you didn't just launch into a full scale attack on me like usual?" He asked.

"Yeah- all good." She smiled. "How was the first day of training? Go well?" She moved the conversation on quickly.

"Uh- Well..." He trailed off and paused. "Our instructor- it's, uh-" He stumbled like he wasn't quite sure what to call him.

"Capitan Pete Mitchell. Call sign, Maverick." She stepped in for him, without missing a beat and very well versed in the drama of Navy introductions.

"Yeah- How the hell did you know?" Her brother nodded and raised his chin, looking down his nose at her suspiciously.

"Who else would spook you?" She asked, not willing to admit why she really knew.

"He didn't spook me-" He started to protest.

"Yeah alright. How did it go, anyway?" She stopped him, not wanting to get trivial.

"It was okay." He shrugged as Sandy passed him a bottle of some kinda beer.

"That's all you're gonna tell me?" She asked, in a way that said 'really?'

"He played the crazy card- as usual. Set a super low hard deck and had us dogfighting- day one." He shook his head and drank.

"Aren't you the best of the best?" Sandy asked in an exaggerated tone.

"Yeah?" He shrugged.

"Then don't talk like it was difficult." She said, in the kind of tone their Mom had when telling them off.

"But it was!" He spoke.

"He got you? Didn't he?" Sandy asked with a cocked eyebrow and teasing smile

"Yes but we're not gonna talk about it- he's still crazy- dangerous- and I'm still mad at him." Bradley shook his head, but let himself chuckle.

"Fine, okay." Sandy rolled her eyes.

"What have you been up to?" He asked and the question, as normal as it was, and as much as she should have expected it- took her off guard.

"Oh- umm..." She hesitated. "I went to see Mom and Dad." She spoke quietly.

"Oh-" He raised his eyebrows and took a deep breath. He was surprised by it. He knew very well the screaming and kicking fit she'd had when they'd tried to make her go as a kid- especially when they were trying to inter their mother. That wasn't a nice time in their lives.

"I thought it was about time, and I've been thinking about them a lot lately- Especially being out here." She spoke honestly, quietly and slowly.

"You were alright? Out there, on your own?" Bradley asked, remembering what she'd said about being in the house by herself- which he was gonna have to tackle next time he was home.

She nodded.

"Yeah- I think it was probably good for me." Sandy straightened her back up a little and shifted in her seat.

"Good- I'm glad." Her brother put a hand on her shoulder. Why was being emotionally open so awkward between them? They both hated it like that- and yet it didn't change.

"I was thinking- We're both older now, than he ever was..." She spoke, quietly, because she had to say it out loud but almost didn't want her brother to hear it. She didn't want to upset him, or herself. Bradley just nodded and drank once more.

"And- Look how much he achived in, what? Twenty four years?" She smiled.

"Yeah-" Bradley nodded.

"Became a pilot- made friends for life, met Mom- had you- made it to Top Gun, even managed to leave me behind as a spare-" She laughed. "That's a lot for twenty four!" She grinned, as did her brother. She sat back in her chair. "Makes me wonder where I went wrong really..." She rolled her eyes at own self pity.

"You haven't gone wrong Sands" Brad shook his head. "You're doing just fine."

"I don't know- I still work at the same dive bar I did when I was seventeen and I still live in the house I was born in." She gave an unsure smile. -"You've at least got all this pilot shit." She laughed and ran a hand through her still damp hair.

"Since when did you wanna settle?" Her brother teased. "My god- you haven't found someone have you? They've asked a big question and you got spooked? Cos if you have, the looks you were giving to my colleagues last night were both amoral and disgusting-" He poked fun.

"Oh my god- no!" She laughed. "I'm not that secretive! You'd know about anything like that! And I don't get spooked!" She shook her head. "No- I don't know really... I've just been thinking about Mom and Dad too much is all. I miss 'em." She shrugged.

"Yeah- So do I." Bradley nodded.

"Have you, been okay? Being here?" She asked. When he had first come, a couple years out of the academy, she knew he'd struggled a bit; not having been there since he was a kid and with what happened to their Dad- he had been nervous about it she could tell, though he didn't say anything.

"Uh- Yeah..." He nodded. "It's actually been, okay." He smiled. "It was nice having you here- actually."

"Really?" She questioned.

"Yeah. You didn't really get to visit much the first time round- and when you did I guess we didn't spend much time together." He nodded and drank.

"Yeah- I was too busy getting a reputation-" Sandy laughed and Bradley cut in.

"Which you haven't lived down by the way; I still get guys asking about my sister; 'Bunny'." He pulled a face of disgust.

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that- but what is with you guys and nicknames- God-" Sandy rolled her eyes.

"I don't know but- I really wish they could have called you anything else- I really hate it." Brad shook his head, trying to forget the awful nickname.

"Ditto-" She laughed heartily and then held her bottle aloft. "Look- Here's to Mom and Dad, the years they should have been here to be proud of you for being the best of the best- and the amount of awful boyfriends they should have been here to scare off for me-" She nodded.

"Ditto." Brad mirrored her and clinked their bottles together. They sat in quite for a moment, each drinking.

"For the record- I think I did a pretty good job of scaring off your boyfriends- even when I had to fly with 'em." He spoke cooly.

"And for the record- I'm very proud of you Bradley. I couldn't be more proud of you if I tried, and I only over hope you come home safe." She a wide smile and spoke seriously.

"Thanks Sandy." He gave her a hug.

"You're welcome- Rooster." She teased and he just rolled his eyes. Another moment of quiet ensued.

"And by the way... I just got good at sneaking them out." She broke the comfortable silence between them.

"Huh?" He seemed confused.

"I just used to have them climb out the window." She gave a cheesy grin.

"No-" Her brother looked at her with disbelief.

"Oh yeah- I had the whole exercise down to a T" She laughed.

"Really?" He hoped to god she was just taking the piss.

"You were- Well, still are, sometimes- such an idiot." She laughed at the look on his face as he shook his head.

They chatted a while longer, until Bradley decided he had to go, another long day ahead.

"Hey- Put your wallet away mister. This is on me." Sandy spoke with a smile, as they went to pay their tab.

"That's a first- So I won't argue." Brad put his hands up.

"Oh shut up- Let me be nice for once." She made a face at him.

They walked out of the bar and Bradley insisted on walking his sister to the motel- after all, it was well dark now.

It wasn't a long walk, and Sandy made sure to take as long as she could finding her key and unlocking the door, reluctant to part from her brother.

"You're leaving tomorrow? Yeah?" He asked as he stood behind her and she pushed the door open into the darkened room.

"Yeah- I'm supposed to be. I don't know, I might hang on for a day or two, go to Mom and Dad one more time." She spoke and her brother nodded, understanding.

"Alright." He spoke. Their goodbyes always managed to be pretty awkward too.

She almost turned to go inside when a thought occured to her.

"Hey- Bradley?" She stopped herself, frozen on the spot. "Umm- This mission you'll be going on at the end of this training..." She trailed off, trying to put her words together.

"Might be going on- Don't know who'll get picked yet-" He corrected her but nodded once. "Yeah?"

"I know they're all dangerous- but, this all seems to me to be adding up to something really bad..." She spoke apprehensively- willing him to tell her that wasn't the case at all and that it was all just a regular old top-up first aid training course or something.

"Uh-" Bradley hesitated for a moment. "Yeah," He nodded. "It's a big one, Sands, I won't lie to you." He said, a seriousness in his voice that was reserved for work talk and she rarely really heard.

"Well- You'll come home safe, won't you? You promise?" She asked, knowing he couldn't promise a god-damned thing.

He nodded and stepped forward, pulling her into a bear hug.

"Don't be a stranger Sandy." He spoke and she nodded as she wrapped her arms around him.

"I won't be."

With one last brotherly pat on the back, they parted, he waved goodbye and headed away, and Sandy shut the door behind her.

God knows she wasn't going to sleep well tonight. Too many things had haunted her today.

-----------------

TAGLIST:

@gh0strr @sarahstar11 @sparrows-corner @piscesvancouverite @n3ssm0nique @sydneejean @20th-centu-fairy-girl @chaoticassidy @yjwnoot @hockeyboysarehot @inglourious-imagines @everyonehasanindividuality @callalily2000 @startterfly @roosterschanelslut @thespeeder @bradshawsdarlin @foreverchasingtime @fangirlinc @inglourious-imagines

[srta-doppe]

Hey can I request a scenario for fem reader ends up bleeding after sex. And can it be with Chifuyu, Mitsuya, Emma and Yuzuha? Aged up of course and If its too many characters you can select any 2 or whatever works with you. Its alright if you don't wanna write this, have a good week and stay hydrated and safe!!

hi anon! <3 your message was really sweet and it made my day siudcbed sorry for the delay, I wanted to inform myself a bit on the whole thing so I could be more accurate on it! :D hope you enjoy, and you have a good week too ♡

BLEEDING AFTER SEX WITH CHIFUYU, MITSUYA, EMMA AND YUZUHA

minors dni!

notes: blood, implied sex, aged-up characters! they're around 21-22, mentions of Taiju Shiba, nothing really important really

— CHIFUYU MATSUNO ;

It's been a while since both of you started dating, and even if the idea of having sex was there, you were two virgins whose only knowledge about sex was porn videos on the internet, so the subject never came up.

In the end, it happened naturally, as everything in your relationship. As long as Chifuyu was by your side, everything was easier.

"Shit, y/n, you're bleeding" At those words, you lift your head so fast that you headbutt your boyfriend by mistake, making him groan.

"Fuck, sorry. You good?"

"You're the one bleeding right now, don't worry about me" Chifuyu frowns a bit, looking at the blood on the sheets, getting up and putting on his boxers as fast as he can "Stay there, i'll bring you a towel"

Before you can complain, Chifuyu is already rushing out of your room towards the bathroom. You let out a chuckle, amused by the situation.

You couldn't say you weren't worried. But even if you were a virgin, you liked to do... research. Just in case. So you knew the bleeding could be because it was your first time, no big deal. Chifuyu, on the other hand...

The door opened once again, revealing your boyfriend, towel on his shoulders and a bucket full of water on his hands.

"You know showering is also an option, right?" You joked, looking at your boyfriend while he dipped part of the towel on the bucket, cleaning the already stained sheets, and then your thighs as careful as he could.

"We'll shower tomorrow, now we're gonna sleep. Or go to the doctor. Gosh was I too rough? Does it hurt? Maybe I should just dress up and-"

"Fuyu, breath" Caressing his cheek, you let out a laugh "It's fine, it doesn't hurt. I'm more tired than anything. This is probably because I'm- well, was, a virgin"

"Are you sure it's because of that, y/n? You're not lying to me just so I don't worry, right?" Chifuyu frowned again, and you could only roll your eyes and flick his forehead.

"Of course not, you idiot. Now, don't take too long and let's cuddle and sleep, alright? Sex is more tiring than I thought"

Now it was Chifuyu's turn to laugh, more relaxed after what you said, and cleaning your body with the warm towel on his hands.

Next day, the first thing he did though, was search on the internet. Even if you said it didn't hurt, Chifuyu would get worried if you bleed again, so he has to educate himself for the next time.

— MITSUYA TAKASHI ;

Mitsuya was always gentle with you, treating you a the most valuable masterpiece on the world- and maybe that's what he considered you to be.

So, when he saw you bleeding after having sex, he was surprised.

"Hey, love, you're bleeding. Did I went too rought on you?" You boyfriend wishpered, brushing your hair away from your face and leaving pecks on your eyelids, forehead and cheeks.

"Huh?" You murmured, moving lazily to see what Mitsuya was talking about. Truly, it didn't hurt. Not at the moment at least, but the blood was there "Hm... I think it wasn't anything out of the ordinary? It didn't hurt, so I don't know what happened"

Mitsuya felt a bit of guilt. He didn't want to hurt you in any way, and he always took extra care of you, so knowing he made you bleed, even when you said it didn't hurt, made him feel kinda bad.

"Hey, stop with the long face, Takashi. It's alright, ok? How about we take a bath and then sleep. I don't think this is something so serious. And if anything happends, we'll just go to the doctor" You smiled, cupping you boyfriend face on your hands, and kissing his nose before kissing his lips, short and chaste, both of you smiling warmly at each other.

"Alright, you win this time, y/n. But promise you will go to the doctor if something else happens, alright?"

"Promise!"

— EMMA SANO ;

Both of looked at the blood on the sheets, silent for a few seconds, before you bursted out in laughter.

"Well, I don't know how we're gonna explain Draken the blood on the sheets, because us fighting and breaking each other's nose doesn't sound credible" The blonde laughed in response, relaxed at how chill you were while literally bleeding after an intimate time with your partner.

"I mean, it's not like he knows nothing about these kind of things. But yeah, I don't think I could look him in the eyes for a while" Both of you laughed again, before Emma kissed you softly, a little frown present on her face now "But did I hurt you? I know this isn't so uncommon, I'm just worried"

"Yeah, don't worry. I think we didn't use much lubricant, and we were kind of impatient too..." You sighed. Now that you think about it, both of you should have known better. Not like you regretted it, though. You were as desperate for being with your girlfriend as much as she was.

"Alright, alright. Uh, how about we clean this? Then we take a shower and I'll make us dinner as an apology for making you bleed, alright?" Emma smiled brightly, and you swear that even the blonde could hear your heart beating at that moment.

God, you were so in love with her. She was an angel.

"That would be amazing, babe. But how about I help you make dinner instead? I missed you so much. I don't wanna spend that much away from you again" You whined, hiding your face on you girlfriend's neck, feeling her chest go up and down with her laughter, while a hand brushed your hair, making a tiny braid.

"I missed you too. Let's go take that warm bath so we can make a cute dinner and brag about our relationship"

— YUZUHA SHIBA ;

"Sorry y/n... I didn't want to make you bleed" Yuzuha frowned, kissing your stomach and caressing your sides, while you played with her hair.

"Yuzu, I already told you, it's fine. It's not a bid deal. You're my first so it's not weird that I bleed. I never... you know" You made a little gesture with your hands, feeling your face get warmer.

Yuzuha looked at you, amused at how you were embarrased of saying you never fingered yourself, after she literally did it for you. She felt bad, but she knew this was your first time, for both of you. She could learn for her mistakes and don't repeat them next time.

"Then, next time I'll make you you feel even better" Yuzuha declared with a smirk, leaving more kisses on your skin, but never ceasing the visual contact with you, making you feel embarrased.

Yuzuha was, honestly,a great partner. Even if she panicked a bit after seeing your blood on her fingers, it didn't take long until she was taking care of you, cleaning the blood and asking you how you were, bringing you a glass of water and making sure you were fine.

Yuzuha was a virgin, and so were you. The difference was that, while Yuzuha never dated anyone before, too busy taking care of Hakkai and dealing with Taiju, you did went out with a few boys, one or two girls two.

Those relationships never lasted much, and none of them really got so intimate, but you were glad Yuzuha was your first.

Cuddling on bed, you talked about it. About how both of you should do some reasearch to avoid these kind of situations again. Yuzuha wanted the best for you, and so did you for her. You weren't kids, but you were still young. Both of you had much to learn, and you wanted to do it together.

Even when those thigns were how to avoid making your girlfriend bleed after fingering her.

[slashxrose]

Duff Mckagan OneShot~

Title: Moans on the road.

Warnings: rough smut, drugs, dirty lenguage. 

Dirty reading babes~~

Guns n' Roses have been on the road for 2 weeks now and since I was there, I decided to come along, not only because it's always nice to watch them play but also, I can be with Duff., I worked as the photograph of them, a task not very difficult since luckily, they were not as unruly as the tours that I had with Motley Crue a few years ago, therefore it was quite joyful to take good shots for the projects they have to do.

Their next gig was in Houston which meant being on the tour bus for hours. It's been 5 hours on the road so far. I felt tired as hell, I couldn't sleep an eye on all the nights I've been here, unfortunately I had to stay on the same tour bus that they were. Drugs and a lot of alcohol filled the nights, and the main cause of my dark circles and the stressing fatigue.

"Hey, me and the boys are on the back of the bus, wanna go with us? We are gonna have some drinks" Steven told me leaning on the seat that I was sitting on.

"Mmm I don't know, I have to edit these photos for tomorrow and ..." I said showing him the camera, just passing by a photo of him.

"Uuuuhh look how sexy Steven is there." he joked moving his hair.

"See? and with a few more touches you will be much better." I laughed.

He looked at me ironically taking the camera out of my hands and running towards the back of the bus, snorting I followed him praying that he did not drop it on the floor, I would die if that happened since I spent all my savings on that damn camera.

"Steven, damn it." I cursed watching as he entered the room.

The smell of weed hit my nostrils as soon as I entered the room with them, the place was small, there was a red couch round a table in the middle and unfortunately Steven had already reached to sit in between Izzy and SLASH. Duff had his head lowered and leaned on the table, so I could already imagine what he was doing.

I rolled my eyes seeing them, they were calm and laughing at nothing itself which was totally enviable, I was tired, my legs ached from walking in the whole damn stadium all day, my hair was still in a ponytail causing excruciating pain in my head; and without thinking about it, I didn't hesitate to grab the bottle of Jack Daniels from the table and put it on my lips quickly; the hot liquid burned everything in its path as I felt it go down my throat to finally fall into my stomach.

Four crystalline red eyes stared on me as I took the bottle out from my lips, giving me the free pass to look at their surprised faces.

"Don't be surprised guys, this is the least I do." I smiled drinking again, but now a little bit more.

Duff's eyes didn't let go of mine, I felt my cheeks burning just like my mouth was doing, probably turning red as a smile appeared on the Curly's mouth.

"You guys were amazing tonight, as usual." I said, trying to cut the tension in the tiny room.

"We ARE amazing, girl." Slash says drinking the whole cup of beer in a sip.

"He meant that the drums were amazing, I mean, what could they do without me"

Everyone laughed at Steven, including me, but Slash already interrupted him to set up a fight between who contributed the most to the band, the typical thing.

With everyone sitting at the table, I was left standing up, awkwardly leaning against the mini fridge with still the jack daniels in my hand. Duff takes notice that I was pretty uncomfortable, and with his bottom lip nervously pulled between his teeth, he taps his lap and jerks his head to the side in a way that silently says, 'come here'.

Oh shit shit shit.

Slowly I peeled myself away from the mini fridge and approach Duff, tucking my dress under my backside as I sit in his lap. Once seated, I throw an arm around his neck for balance and he rests a hand on my bare knee. 'I'm not a groupie, I'm not a groupie.' I had to remind myself, a breath getting caught in my throat as I imagine him sliding it up between my thighs. I'm very thankful for Steven' voice breaking me from my unholy thoughts that have already begun to dampen my panties.

I started drinking without being aware of what I was doing, the fact of having Duff's hand on my leg and seeing the others having fun and me being a pure spoilsport made me nervous; Duff took the bottle out of my mouth and put it into his.

"Chug that bottle for me." I whispered in his ear as I watched a sideways smile form on his mouth.

He did what I told him quickly, without even thinking, setting the bottle on the table; The alcohol had already started to run through my veins losing all kinds of shame by this time, my cheeks were probably red while the metal music in the background was boggling as it mixed with the screaming voices of Slash and Steven.

Wait .... Slash and Steven? Where the hell is Izzy? When had he left here? But quickly my question hung in the air when I saw him walk through the door with a bowl full of -what I could smell- vodka, gummies and gum. He leaned it on the table and all rushed to grab whatever they found first, which I did too.

I turned to see Duff, I wasn't sure if it's his perfect, pointy, white teeth, or the way the pouty gum around his mouth flexes, accentuating each dimple as he chews, but something about the way Duff does it has me mesmerized.

"Nervous?" I asked.

"Hmmm?" he mumbles, looking confused.

"Sorry. I hope this doesn't come off as weird, but I've noticed you chew gum a lot, like in interviews or when you have to give award speeches. I know you've expressed that speaking isn't exactly your forte, so I just figured it was a nervous habit." Yes, the alcohol made me double the ridicule, I gave myself an internal facepalm to shut my mouth.

"Wow, is it really that obvious?" Duff blushes.

"It's fine," I answered quickly, feeling guilty and embarrassed for even mentioning it in the first place. "Well, if anyone should be nervous it's me." I smiled, hitting myself again, I slid my hand along the couch's thick fabric until it rests alongside his with our pinkies touching.

Duff swallowed hard before speaking again.

"It's just that - well, I'm sure you've noticed all the guys giving me a hard time," he paused. "It's because I haven't had a girlfriend in a few years, or even talked to a girl really, to be honest. And I wasn't only making a pun earlier when I said, you looked out of this world. You're gorgeous," he smiled shyly before looking down into his lap.

"Yeah?" You nudge him playfully, then placing your hand fully on top of his. "Really?"

"No, honey." he smiled, his eyes red as the hell itself, my eyes connected to his instantly squeezing his hand. "You think I didn't notice you undressing me with your eyes," had I really?

I was about to protest when he got closer to me, shortening the gap between us. "It's alright doll. No need to be embarrassed. I'm flattered really."

"You're really full of yourself you know?" I said, challenging.

I swallowed thickly. Was he gonna tell me that I was just one of many admirers he had? Surely this wasn't the first time he offered to sit a girl in his lap and she tried to jump his bones.

"I think I have good reason to be," Duff chuckled, putting an arm behind me. His voice was low and raspy with his next few words, "And like I said it's nothing to be embarrassed about, I mean...I was picturing you in my head too."

I wet my lips, my was head running wild at the implication of his words. He pictured me; that could've meant anything. My heart thrummed against my rib cage in excitement.

"I wasn't lying when I said you were stunning in the check sound" his forehead was resting against me. "I think you're gorgeous and couldn't get you outta my head since I first saw you."

I was speechless for a second. Wow.

"Eat this." he grabbed one of the gums inside the jar filled with alcohol. "Stick out your tongue." he told me he staring at my lips.

I listened to him by sticking the tongue out of my mouth, he carefully placed the white gum on the tip and then grabbed my chin closing it.

"Do you want me?" I asked, plucking up the courage to continue on, "Because I want you."

In a matter of seconds, his lips were hungrily overtaking mine, the bitter taste of beer and tobacco invading my senses. Duff's hands held me by the neck, pressing me closer to him. With his other hand he held me by the hips, getting closer to his body. I could barely stifle the sigh that escaped, the grip I had shirt going slack. I wasn't a greedy person but damn, I just wanted more, anything to feed the aching pit that was making a whole in my belly.

I buried my fingers within his long hair, I was unsure if the grunt he released was out of satisfaction or annoyance but he made no move to pry my hands away. His tongue slid against mine.

"The... the boys." I said nervously, hoping the guys are totally out of the way to know what we were doing -and about to do.-

"They are no longer here." he answered against my lips. "But you were too entertained with my lips to notice that."

His hands were on me, still in my hips. Moving his leg away he peered down in between our bodies. There was a very prominent wet spot in the middle of his dress pants. The hem of my dress was being slowly inched upwards as he murmured against my lips.

"If you wanted me to touch you all you had to do was ask." Goosebumps raised as more and more of my flesh was exposed, my dress bunching up around my hips. The cool metal of his fingers only furthering the shiver that ran through my body.

I watched with bated breath as his hand slid down the seat of my damp panties. Slick clung to the skin of my inner thighs leaving a sticky feeling. I had gotta so worked up from such little attention, usually, I'd be embarrassed but now I was too worked up to care. I needed him to make me cum now.

"Well?" his hand stopped, just barely brushing against my clothed clit.

I furrowed your brows at him, "Well what?'

"Tell me where you want me to touch you."

A simple request. My cheeks grew hot and I cast my gaze aside. It was like he lived to see me flustered. He knew exactly what I wanted so why was he going through the trouble of making me ask for it.

"I-I," I rolled my eyes, it was stupid of me to be feeling shy now with all the drugs in my veins, "I want you to use your fingers on me, stretch me out. Get me nice and ready for your cock."

He lifted me directly still in his arms to lean me letting my legs on the floor after reaching against the wall of the bus, I felt the sound of the road rumbled on my back. He slides my panties down my leg, a silvery string of fluid dripping down as soon as the soiled material past my knees. Duff pockets my underwear and I can't find it in myself to berate him. His fingers circled my clit, gaze heavy on my form. My chest heaved with each passing breath, eyes squeezing shut. His head rested in my neck, his hair tickling my cheek.

"Fuck D-Duff..."

God, he was so good with his hands.

My eyes rolled to the back of my head when he pressed one finger into my sopping hole. His hands were so big, I could only imagine how well-endowed he must be. There was a slight burn that accompanied the second finger. He's got his thumb pressed up against my clit, sloppily rubbing against the sensitive bundles of nerves as his fingers work at the spongy spot that made you see white.

"Shit," he sounds far away, as if he isn't standing right in front of me, "I love the way you say my name."

Using his free hand he hooks my leg around his hip, spreading my legs wider. My head lolls backwards and a fuzzy feeling runs through my body, pleasure seeping out of my core. His name is like a prayer, repeated over and over again, mixing in with incoherent pleas. I'm begging him to get me there, to that high that never felt as good when I brought myself there.

His fingers didn't stop moving, going out and into me, my back arched throwing my head back. Moans escaped my mouth as all that went through my head was the way his thumb touching my clit gently, making me squirm with pleasure.

"Oh Duff babe, I'm about to... o-oh fuck." I moaned touching this soft curls.

I have to remind myself to breathe when the orgasm hits, the spasms running through my body made my legs shake. It's a rippling feeling that washes over me, my fingers curling against his chest as needy moans spill out. A gratification like no other. It felt like a stellar collision that amasses into a black hole. Oh, so good until a nagging sense of need settles back into my stomach, that is just screaming inside of me for more.

The muscles in my upper thigh twitches, I'm finding it hard to stand now. Duff hasn't stopped his movements, his fingers ruthless almost killing my cunt again. He notices how my legs are beginning to buckle and how hoarse my voice has gone.

"You doing alright honey? You like it?" his mouth runs down my neck, leaving little wet kisses making their way to my mouth.

"Yes, God yes." I replied, almost moaning in his lips.

It's less of an affirmation and more of a pleasured sigh.

He's quick to bring me to my high once more, my clit throbbing in oversensitivity with how ruthlessly he's circling the numb. My nails are now digging into his chest through his shirt as I steady against him. I feel tingly and a flush had settled over my body.

When he finally gets up, he brought his fingers up to his lips, the sight of him sucking my juices off his fingers is almost erotic, my eyes couldn't be torn away from this.

"God, you taste heavenly," he sighs. "I could spend an eternity between your legs, just eating you up."

"You'd like that wouldn't you?"

I sloppy kissed the underside of his jaw, my fingers moving on their own to unbutton more of his shirt, trailing down his body, only pausing when I reach his belt unbuckling it. Frustration builds as I struggle to do so, Duff pushed my hands away to get the deed done.

"Whoever made your belt is an asshole," I huff in annoyance, "It shouldn't be that fucking difficult to unloop."

He paid no mind to me as he finished unzipping his pants. I swallowed thickly as I refocused on the task at hand. There was a blotch of precum staining his briefs. Licking my lips I tugged down on the waistband, His cock sprung out, slapping against his abdomen. I took in the sight, mouth-watering slightly. I was more than pleased to note that yet another rumor seemed to be true, it was big, really big.

His reputation didn't disappoint him.

My fingers wrapped around the base; he's leaked so much precum that I don't even need to spit onto my hand to "lube" him up. Duff's head falls back as I jerk him off, he makes the smallest sounds when my thumb brushed against the head.

I was about to sink to my knees when Duff's hand encased my wrist.

"Is something wrong?" I blinked at him.

"No, of course not," he squeezed my shoulder softly, "I'd just rather fuck you right now because I can't take it anymore."

I moaned at his words. He gripped my hips to lead me to the couch again, but now I was turned around facing the wall, palm pressing on my lower back to bend me over. Duff's hands roamed over my ass and hips, without leaving any space of my skin and curves untouched

I heard the sound of the door opening, my heart stopped as I watched Slash’s face peek through the door, passing from having his eyes almost closed because of how high he was, to wide open like two plates for seeing the scene of my almost naked body with his already naked blond friend.

Duff was as if nothing happened while my hands didn't reach to cover me at all.

"Oh fuck, fuck, fuck." My despair was at an all-time high.

Slash started laughing.

"Calm down honey, it's not the first time I've seen Duff in these situations." I looked at Duff to which he nodded also laughing.

"He usually invites me, can I stay?" Slash wanted to get closer in small steps but Duff cut him off.

"Fuck, I want to do it just once in my life, go away." He shouted him.

"I know you're going to ask to join my groupies and I'm going to say no, asshole." Slash left the room slamming the door.

"What the hell was that?" I asked altered.

"Nothing sweetheart."

I squealed loudly when a hand came down to clap against my ass. I glanced at him over my shoulder, he paid no mind and he continued to toy with my body.

"Sorry honey, I just couldn't help myself."

His playful saccharine tone was oh so sweet. It made me melt.

My forearms were braced against the wall, if I was lucky, I'd make the night out with minimal skin irritation. The head of his cock rubbed against my folds, collecting my juices, that's so hot, I can feel my skin burning. He slowly sunk his cock into me, letting me adjust to each inch as my walls stretched around him. Duff kissed my neck and whispered sweet praises to me as he bottomed out.

"There you go baby," his voice is soft, almost inaudible, "You're taking me so well."

His blunt nails dig into my waist. He's practically vibrating in anticipation, just waiting for the go-ahead to rail me. Biting my lip, I inhaled sharply; the tip of his cock felt like it was bumping against my cervix. The bitter sting wasn't all that bad, not when it was accompanied by the jerk of my clit.

"Duff," my voice was pitchy, thick with need, "I need you to move. Fuck... me...please." the mixture of alcohol and the sensation of pleasure flooded my body, everything felt as if I was standing on a cloud that at any moment was going to fall.

He started off with the painstakingly slow drag of his hips, savoring the feeling of my walls clenching around him. The sight of me completely at his mercy was burnt into his mind. He drank in each and every one of my sounds, eyes mesmerized at the sight of his cock disappearing between my folds.

I let my head dropped in between my arms. I tried to convince myself and to try to forget the fact that anyone at this moment could hear Duff's name repeatedly slip from my lips, but it's not possible. Duff used my shoulder for leverage, pulling my shoulder back in time with his hips. Each thrust of his has my shoes leaving the ground, and when he finally grows tired of his deep and leisurely strokes, jackhammers me at a brutal pace. The low sound of his moans mixed in with mines, growing louder and louder with each second.

"Damn, you don't know what a beautiful view I'm having from here." his hands slide up my ass as he slowly admires me with his gaze.

Duff instantly paused.

"What's wrong?" I asked turning myself to look at him.

"Shh babygirl, and feel this." he said in a whisper.

He reached over to the table, dipping his fingers into the last powdery bits of the cocaine before returning to rub thoroughly over my inner lips and clit.

"And a little bit for me." He put some of the white powder on my back, forming a fine line with his fingers;

"Now yes, the view is more than perfect."

He leaned his head towards my back cleaning the white dust, running his finger cleaning all the rest that was left and then putting it on his thin lips.

Oh god, this's too fucking sexy.

The tingles and heat came on faster this time and founding myself leaning forward, lifting and twisting myself back down onto his cock to try and relieve the pressure. Every motion brought a new burst of pleasure, blocking out rational thought. I dropped to my hands and hung my head as I fucked myself back against Duff's hard body.

His thighs rubbed against the inside of mine, his blond long hair abrading and turning my skin pink. I could see where Duff entered my body looking down, see how I stretched to accommodate him, see how he glistened with our combined juices. I could see Duff's hand, still curled over my mound and pressing against my clit, my purity ring circling the middle of his pinkie, pointing right to where his cock fucking me. The forbidden carnality of the image had me shuddering with an unexpected burst of heat.

"Oh, my God baby." I moaned out loud. "Damn Duff I'm gonna cum." Every touch burned me like hell itself, I needed so much more from him.

Our bodies still reeling from our previous climax

"Where," he croaked out, "Where do -shit- where do you want it?"

"Huh?" my mind was hazy, filled to the brim with bliss. My head swimming with thoughts because of the drugs. The sporadic jerks of his hips should have been telling enough. But I was too fucked out to connect any sort of dots. My mind zeroed in on the stars that danced across my vision and didn't let up until I felt his cock twitch inside me.

"A-Ah damn... are you close?"

"Yes." His voice was nearing needy. "I'm so fucking close."

"Shit, me too." moans did not let out of my mouth.

"Inside, I want -fuck- no I need you to cum inside of me." My voice trembled as I spoke.

I'd beg if I had to. I was good at begging when the situation called for it. "Please Duff, please."

His hips rammed into mine, curses spilt under his breath with the occasional whine of my name. My oversensitive walls practically milk his cock when he cum, hips rolling into mine until he couldn't take it anymore. The cries of my name and his reverberate, bouncing around in my brain, all the meaningless words dropping away from my subconscious as he babbles on.

I can feel how his cum dribbles down my thighs when he pulls out, and he half-heartedly tries to scoop it back into my leaking hole. Despite his attempts, my inner thighs remained a sticky mess.

Duff's the only thing keeping me upright at this point, his vice grip securing me. I lean against him while he fixes himself up, face smushed against his chest.

"I- that was... amazing." I said almost out of breath, my cunt still throbbing because of the orgasm as I felt my legs shake.

"Definitely this has to happen more often, who would say that the photograph would fuck so well" He laughed leaving kisses all over my back.

"Well... surprise." I laughed back at him. "I need a round two."

[dean-winchester-is-a-warrior]

Dear Fucking Diary: Entry the 8th - The Long Weekend

Pairings: Dean x Fem!OFC (Daisy)

Explicit 18 +/Warnings: None. Some kissing and implied smut. Brief mentions of an abusive relationship. Some angst. Lots of fluff.

Word Count: 4,358

DFD: Series Masterlist

Series Summary: I’ve been tasked with writing in this fucking diary like a some teenage girl. It sucks, but who else am I going to talk to about the incredible hottie who lives next door?

Chapter Summary: 8th Entry: Technically this is the 8th, 9th, 10th, 11th, 12th, 13th, and 14th entry. It was a tough weekend okay! But my week is looking up!

A/N:  This series has popped into my head from out of nowhere. It was supposed to be a whole other thing, but then it just morphed into this. (Cause I needed more series to work on! 🙄😄) Hope you like it, I should be releasing a new entry every few days, and I think there will be about 7 or 8 entries 9 or 10 entries 8 entries and an epilogue. The first entry is short and sweet, but most of the others will range between 1000 and 3000 5000 words. Thanks everyone!! 🥰

A/N 2: So, this is the final entry in this series, excluding the epilogue which I will post by the end of the week. I hope you enjoy it and the epilogue to come. It's possible I may write some drabbles about Dean and Daisy in the future. I like them. 😁

The awesome divider at the bottom is created by @talesmaniac89

So, it's Friday night, didn't hear from him all day. But I mean, that's normal, he had to work, I had to work. I JUST saw him this morning. I mean, whatever. It's fine. He'll probably text tomorrow. I'll write again later.

-

-

Saturday night now. I haven't talked to him since he dropped me off at my apartment yesterday morning. It's about ten o'clock. I'm going to bed now.

This is good, though, right? I mean, it's not like I want him to be all clingy or stalker-ish. I had enough of that crap with the previous asshole. So. No. This is good. No clinging, no demanding, no - anything.

-

-

So, I guess I have my answer

I guess I was just stupid

I feel like I'm gonna

I don't want to write about this.

-

-

But shit! Writing here has been really helpful so - what the hell!

It's like two in the morning. I couldn't sleep earlier, so I tried painting. I think I did some decent work actually. This latest painting is all sharp edges and shades of green. I can't imagine why. But I like it.

Anyway, about twenty minutes ago I heard loud banging and voices in the hall, coming from the direction of Dean's apartment. I told myself it was none of my business even as I was quietly opening my door and peeking out.

Dean was leaning against the wall while a tall, gorgeous, leggy blonde used his keys to open the door.

He was dressed nicely, in suit pants and a white dress shirt and tie. But the tie was loosened and his crisp, white, button down was all rumpled and only partially tucked in.

Did the blonde untuck it? I wondered.

Then he threw his arm around her shoulders and he seemed a little tipsy as he leaned in toward her.

"...just so beautiful." I could hear him say in the same awed voice he'd used with me.

He stumbled forward a little and the blonde giggled under his weight and pulled him into the apartment, shutting the door behind them.

And since then I've just been sitting here thinking what a fucking idiot I am.

I mean, mooning over him and telling myself I was in love, and thinking that maybe we had some kind of future.

I mean Jesus Christ, Daisy.

It wasn't like he hid things from me! I knew what kind of "dating life" he enjoyed. He didn't explicitly say,

"This is a one time thing."

because he probably assumed I would figure it out.

But no. Not me. Guy sleeps with me one time, and I get all swoony and romantic, and stupid. I blame you for that a little, DD. You might be making me think I'm an actual teenager again.

Well, in the real, adult world, hot guys fuck you and forget you. Fucking Lois. But she was probably right. Why would he stay with his frumpy, needy neighbor when he could move on to the next hot blonde.

I was a good time. That was it.

I don't wanna write anymore.

-

-

So, he called me yesterday which was Sunday, and texted too. The text just said:

Hey, hope your weekend's going good.

I didn't answer the phone or text back. I don't know what to say. He's probably just trying to ensure things aren't gonna be weird in the hallway from now on.

Or who knows, maybe he couldn't find the next blonde, or redhead, or whatever and just thought, well hell, easy access right next door.

Either way I'm taking off for Dr. Hailey's right away, she's making up our last missed appointment before I start work. I'm gonna tell her about everything and listen to her tell me how stupid it was to rush into something physical with someone.

It's not gonna be fun!

-

-

Well, it definitely wasn't fun, but it was really enlightening. I'm writing quick while I'm on my break at work.

So, basically when I told her about Dean and asked her what she thought, Dr. Hailey said this:

It was your choice to make, whether or not to pursue a sexual relationship with your neighbor, and I can't tell you whether it was a good choice or a bad one. It's not my place.

You're a grown woman and you are the only one who can know your body and your own sexual needs, therefore you have to take responsibility for your actions and decide what they mean for you.

If you feel like the night is a regret, figure out why you feel that way, and don't make the same mistake in the future. If you feel like you are satisfied that it was a good night, a good time with no future, then accept that and move on.

But if you believe that your feelings for him are more than physical, more than what can be explored and enjoyed in one night, then decide whether or not to pursue something further - whether that be an actual relationship, or simply a friends with benefits arrangement.

I couldn't believe my quiet, reserved, has to be in her mid-sixties, therapist actually told me friends with benefits was a viable option. I thought she was gonna be all judgey. Or tell me my choices were made by my hormones alone and were therefore, stupid.

I mean, not in so many words, of course, but you know, whatever that translates to in doctor-speak.

But if I'm being honest, (and I've certainly managed to be that, here in these pages) Dr. Hailey is pretty great, actually.

And completely right.

I need to stop acting like a petulant kid or some kind of woman who's been wronged. Dean didn't promise me anything; he doesn't owe me any kind of loyalty. We made absolutely no declarations of any kind and he's perfectly allowed to go out and bring home as many other women as he chooses.

I'll just invest in noise cancelling headphones. Or move out.

Shit. Okay, truth. It's gonna suck to see him waltzing in and out with all those lucky women.

Because even though he didn't make any promises that I can hold him to, I was so sure that our night together meant something more than just good sex. To both of us. I felt connected to him in a way I had never felt with anyone before.

But I was probably just being naïve.

And I was being a jerk not responding to his text. I mean, he was just trying to be friendly. Or, if he was reaching out to see if I'd be interested in round 2, could I really blame him? Maybe he's thinking about a friends with benefits thing too.

Here's the thing - I definitely want a round 2, but FFS, the first round sent me into three days of pouting and staring at my phone. I don't know if I could manage a friends with benefits thing because...I don't wanna be friends.

Oh shit! Don is scowling at me, my break's over!

-

-

Well, this day ended a hell of a lot better than it started. This might be a long entry, but well...

Okay, so, this evening I came home from work and Dean was standing by his door.

I smiled at him and he smiled back, both of us surprised and awkward.

"Hey." I said, as I moved passed him, walking toward my door.

"Hey, wait." He said and I stopped and faced him God, he looked fantastic. Unsurprisingly. He was wearing black jeans and a gray sweater. He looked so cozy I just wanted to snuggle him.

"I just..." He trailed off and then rubbed the back of his neck. "I called yesterday, I don't know if..."

Before he could finish what he was saying, the same blonde from Saturday night walked out of his apartment.

In spite of all my earlier plans to be totally cool with whatever Dean wanted to do - I was gonna be light and breezy - I felt a white hot jab of jealousy as I looked up into her beautiful face and bright smile.

"Oh, hi." She said, kindly. And I felt myself give an incredibly rigid smile back.

"Hi." I tried to unclench my jaw, but it didn't really work and the word still came out through gritted teeth.

Dean frowned a little and I kicked myself. Jesus, talk about NOT being cool.

I tried harder to unfreeze my smile.

Dean pointed toward me in introduction. "Jess, this is my neighbor Daisy. Daisy, this is my soon to be sister-in-law, Jessica."

His words took a second to penetrate my brain and I just repeated stupidly, "Sister-in-law?"

Dean smiled a little knowingly and nodded. "Yeah, they flew in Friday afternoon to celebrate the engagement. They've been staying with me."

Before he could continue a giant of a man came out of the apartment door carrying one suitcase and wheeling another.

"Jesus Jess," he said to his fiancé, "you should have brought another suitcase for all the crap you bought."

He noticed me then. "Oh, hi!"

Dean did the introductions again. "Sam, this is my neighbor, Daisy." He nodded at Sam. "And Daisy, this is my little brother, Sam."

Sam smiled deeply showing adorable dimples. "Oh, wow! You're Daisy?"

I nodded. "Oh, wow! You're his 'little' brother?" I asked with finger quotes.

They all chuckled.

"Yeah," Sam answered, "I outgrew the shrimp over here by the time I was sixteen."

Dean casually punched his brother in the arm and I winced at the force behind it but Sam just laughed.

"He's still sensitive about it." He smiled and I could see a hint of mischief enter his expression.

"It's so great to finally meet you. You're all we heard about all weekend."

Another, harder punch connected with Sam's arm but he continued without seeming to notice.

"We dragged him out for an impromptu celebration slash karaoke night on Saturday, but he was no fun cause all he kept talking about was his incredibly gorgeous neighbor he'd gone out with the other night."

Dean punched him again and Sam laughed.

Jess laughed gently too and also couldn't seem to stop herself from teasing her brother-in-law-to-be.

"Yes, just hours and hours of, 'You know, Daisy said this and Daisy said that.' and over and over again, 'God, she's so beautiful.' That's all he kept saying, all night." She lowered her voice to an approximation of Dean's deep tone. "Jess, seriously...just so beautiful."

Dean groaned. "Oh, come on, you're just being cruel 'cause you know I won't punch you."

I recognized the words I'd overheard on Saturday night and my heart leapt. He had been talking about me. I couldn't keep the smile from my face. Hell, I knew I was beaming, even if I was also blushing almost as brightly as Dean.

Jess smiled brightly at me and put a hand to her mouth like she was confiding a secret. "He was right, by the way. I think you two make an adorable couple."

Dean spoke loudly without looking at either Sam or Jess. "Okay, well, way you two go! Don't wanna miss your flight home."

They laughed at his none-too-subtle dismissal and Sam pulled him into a hug. Dean hugged him back, thumping him on the back, before turning to give Jess a decidedly gentler hug.

"Safe flight." He said squeezing Jess into his side and slapping Sam on the back again.

I waved to them both. "It was so nice to meet you. Congratulations!"

They waved and said their goodbyes and Dean and I were left standing awkwardly in the hall.

He smiled at me and nodded toward my apartment. "Could I, uh...could I come in for a minute?"

"Yeah." I hurried over to my door and let us both in to my apartment.

As I took off my coat, Dean approached my kitchen table and the painting I'd put there to dry. It was a kind of mountain landscape in a vaguely post-impressionist style.

It was also, all a reaction to him and what I felt about him while I was painting.

"Wow!" He said with genuine appreciation in his voice. "This is beautiful." He noticed the signature at the bottom, a little daisy flower.

His eyes were wide when he looked back at me. "You did this?"

I nodded, half wishing I'd put the thing in the closet with all my others. I'd never let anyone see my work and it felt a little like being naked in front of him again.

I'd painted and drawn when I was a kid and all through high school. But I stopped, writing it off as frivolous and not a viable career.

I'd only taken it up again after I left The Monster behind.

"Wow!" Dean shook his head again as he looked back at the painting, tilting his head.

"It's...I don't know...like something wild. It's almost angry, like the angles of the lines, but it's full of these calm, soothing colors too. That probably doesn't make any sense. It's just a really amazing combination."

I shook my head. "No, it makes sense. Do you know a lot about art?"

He smiled. "I know nothing about art." He said, repeating what I'd said about cars. "But I know it's pretty."

He shook his head. "No, beautiful."

I smiled, accepting his compliment without argument for the first time and congratulating myself on that. Dr. Hailey would be proud.

Thinking about her made me turn to sit on the couch and pat the spot beside me.

Dean walked over and sat down; each of us were turned toward each other, ready to talk.

I decided to dig right in and just go for it.

"So, I saw you and Jess in the hallway on Saturday night and I absolutely thought she was another hook-up and that's why I didn't answer the phone or text you back yesterday."

Dean just nodded and smiled. "Yeah, I figured that might be the case when you almost broke your jaw saying hi to her."

I closed my eyes and shook my head. "Look I'm really sorry about that, it was..."

Dean held up a hand. "No, wait. Can I go first?"

I shrugged and nodded. That was probably best since I still wasn't a hundred percent on what I was going to say to him.

Dean, I would like to be friends. NOPE

Dean, let's just leave the night behind us and go back to being neighbors. Double NOPE!!

Dean, would you be willing to try a friends with benefits arrangement? M'eh! Not really what I'm hoping for.

Oh, but also maybe I don't just wanna be friends, because I think I'm falling hopelessly in love with you and I'd kind of like to get married and have endless sex and lots of babies. You up for that? Fuck - this might be closest to the truth, but it might be a little too much after only one date.

Yeah, I figured it was smarter to let him go first.

"I wanted to call you. All day on Friday. Hell, all weekend. I picked up my phone constantly, I wrote and erased a dozen text messages. I knew I wanted to talk to you, I just had no idea what I wanted to say."

He took a deep breath and rubbed his hand down his face. "So, I don't date. I mean, I never really have. In high school, it was all about taking care of Sam, taking care of everything my Dad was too busy to manage.

I just didn't have time, or money for that matter, to date anyone. So I had a series of hookups, usually with slightly older college girls who weren't interested in anything long term either and were happy to take a goofy, horny teenager and help him learn a trick or two."

His smile turned sexy and I silently thanked those unnamed heroines for their service to the sisterhood. He had learned his lessons well.

"Even after high school finished, it was all about getting Sam into Stanford. I made sure I put in extra hours at the garage, worked two other jobs to try and pay for tutors and SAT prep courses, and to help add to what my Dad managed to squirrel away for Sam's tuition.

Again, I just didn't have time for anything serious or long-term. And by this point, I didn't see the need. I liked what I had."

He shrugged. "The sex was fun, easy, we made each other feel good for the night, occasionally two, but it was never anything more."

He frowned. "Sometimes, I thought about trying for something more, but most of the women I met weren't interested in something more either and I didn't know how to find what I wanted."

He scoffed. "Hell, I didn't even know what that was."

He looked at me and smiled, but there was trepidation in his voice and expression.

"And then I met you." He inched closer to me on the couch and I felt my pulse kick up a notch.

I was a little blown away by what he was saying and it was making me kind of sad for him.

It sounded lonely, like all his efforts and all his work had been for someone else. He hadn't allowed himself to spend any time thinking about what he wanted.

Like, he obviously didn't begrudge Sam his education and was clearly incredibly proud of him. But who was taking care of Dean? Where was his college tuition? Where were his helpers, his champions?

He took my hand in both of his, covering it completely. "I told you I wanted you from the first moment I saw you." He shrugged. "But that I was used to. I knew that feeling. That physical pull. Never this strong, maybe, but I knew how to handle it. Or figured I did, anyway."

He shook his head. "What I wasn't at all prepared for was how interested I became in you after we met for real. You banged on my wall and it was so funny to me, such a badass move - telling your jackass neighbor to shut the fuck up."

I blushed a little and ducked my head, remembering how embarrassed I'd been about that.

"Then I met you and you were this quiet, shy little thing. It was such a contrast and I was just so intrigued. Then we started hanging out and I saw that you were smart and funny, sarcastic, but genuine. You're real and kind and I just..."

He shook his head and chuckled. "I'd never met anyone besides Sam and Bobby that I felt so comfortable with, someone who just...I don't know...just fit."

He caught my gaze and I could see nervousness there. "I don't know, does that make any sense?"

I nodded. "Yes. Perfect sense." I whispered.

A little of the nervousness in his eyes dissipated. "And I didn't really know what to do with that. But it occurred to me that maybe we could actually just be friends. I'd never had many friends and never really any female friends, not close ones anyway.

So, I told myself sex was off the table so we could stay friends." He chuckled. "Except that did not work out the way I'd hoped."

He shifted closer and then pulled me into his lap. I wasn't about to complain.

"Because every time I was near you," he continued, his voice dipping low, "I found myself wanting you more and more, certainly more than anyone that came before you."

He took the opportunity to kiss me gently, mouth closed but warm, and I wasn't complaining about that either.

He placed soft kisses along my jaw before he pulled back; the heat in his gaze made my head fuzzy. I tried hard to focus on what he was saying.

"So, probably inevitably, Thursday night happened and it was so incredible." He closed his eyes and I felt like I was seeing the visions that were flashing behind his eyelids and it caused a riot of butterflies to take flight in my belly.

He opened his eyes and I saw worry mixed in with the heat. "So, all day Friday, I wanted to call you. I wanted to tell you that you were incredible, that I wanted..."

He was silent for a bit and then threw up his hands. "And that's why I never called you, because I had no idea what I wanted. I didn't want just a one night stand, had never wanted that with you, but it had become embarrassingly obvious that I couldn't just be friends with you either. So, what friends with benefits? Maybe, but..."

He stopped and shook his head and shrugged. I was struck by just how similar our thought processes had been over the weekend. We probably should have talked about this stuff before we slept together, or at least the morning after.

But hey, the pain and confusion had created a pretty piece of art. Just looking on the bright side.

"So, here I am," he said and he leaned his forehead against mine, "admitting that I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. This is all brand new, uncharted territory for me. So, I'm asking for your help in figuring it out."

He cupped my cheek. "And I'm asking what you want."

I laughed. "I have absolutely no idea."

When he frowned at me I shook my head. "I've been having almost the exact same conversation with myself all weekend."

I sighed. "Look, I've dated more than you, sure, but I'm terrible at it. Previous boyfriends include," I started ticking them off on my fingers, "the guy who was dating me so he didn't have to pay rent, the guy who tried to convert me to some kind of cult, and then my...last boyfriend. We were..."

I trailed off and swallowed hard. I had never spoken to anyone outside of Dr. Hailey about my relationship with -

Keith. His name was Keith.

And he was not a monster, he was just a man. A selfish, narcissistic, power-hungry man, who used me to make himself feel strong and in control, and I didn't see the signs until it was too late.

No, that's wrong. I ignored the signs until I thought it was too late.

I never talk about him. I never even name him in my own head. But then I'd never shown anyone my art before either. Today was a day for firsts.

"I got out of a pretty bad relationship about a year ago. He was..."

I trailed off and couldn't think of how to explain him.

Dean's jaw was set and his gaze was intense as he looked at me. "He hurt you."

I shrugged. "Not physically."

"Hurt is hurt."

I nodded. "Yeah, it is. And he did hurt me, tried hard to break me. It took me a really long time to pull myself away from him. We were together about four years. Finally, little over a year ago, I managed to walk away from him, but it wasn't easy. And I'm just starting to remember who I am, what I look like out of his shadow."

I dashed away an unexpected tear and jutted out my chin. "And I like her. I like her a lot."

Dean ran his fingers across my cheekbone and tucked my hair behind my ear. "So do I."

I smiled and nodded. "My point being, that..." I chuckled. "I have no idea what I'm doing either. This is uncharted territory for me too. But..."

I shifted my position so I was straddling his lap and facing him. I had figured out what I wanted and I wasn't going to shy away from it. I heard Dr. Hailey's voice in my head telling me to take ownership of my life.

I still kind of hate that expressions like that are part of my vocabulary now. But hey, truth is truth and it was time for me to own my life.

I took his cheeks in my hands and took a breath. "It's gonna be new for both of us, and there's gonna probably be a learning curve, but I would really like to try. Try to see what comes of us dating. For real dating. Exclusively."

I was momentarily worried that I might be pushing too much too fast, but Dean's face broke into the wide, blinding smile that may end up being the death of me.

"Okay. Okay, yes. Let's do this." He kissed me, laughing, our teeth scraping against each other.

Eventually our laughter died down and the kiss turned carnal, deep. When I reached for the hem of the sweater he was wearing, he stilled my hands and grabbed on to my upper arms fiercely, pulling me close.

"I might be bad at this and I might screw up. But try not to be too mad at me, okay? I promise I'll be trying."

I nodded. "Me too."

His smile was sweet as he bent his head to give me a soft kiss on the forehead, like we were sealing a pact.

Then his smile became wicked and he whispered in my ear. "I also promise that every time I screw up I'll make it up to you in a very effective manner."

I shivered and climbed off his lap, pulling insistently on his arm. "Well, it never hurts to build up some brownie points ahead of time, you know."

He growled and leapt up, chasing my squealing form down my hallway.

That was about five hours ago and we basically didn't leave the bed all evening. Let me tell you that boy has wracked up some serious brownie points.

I'm scared, but so very excited, DD. I can't wait to write about what happens tomorrow and the next day and all the rest of the days.

Things look bright. I mean, really fucking bright.

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