#I don't regret that phase at all. It was character development

[naamahdarling]

You should see it. It isn't worth the risk of not seeing it if it's something that you might even remotely enjoy. Especially based on what one person says, no matter how much you admire or trust them.

He can dislike it, but if the unicorn had been buddy-movie grateful, disney-movie emotional, it would have been a very different, very shallow, MUCH worse movie. Like just, really really bad.

She's not bitchy or catty or cruel, she literally does not understand humans or their drive or their big emotions. She doesn't feel love, she doesn't feel regret. She doesn't have ambition, she doesn't desire or benefit from change. She barely wants anything. She's complete by herself. She is content.

She can't be ungrateful unless you expect what is essentially a...a kind of immortal spirit, a place, a forest in the shape of a creature, to be in any way at all human. She can't be a deity, that's an extremely human concept, but she is not a normal living thing in any regard whatsoever.

The entire point of the movie is change, and truth. Front to back, it is change and truth, and the destruction of illusions, and surviving it, and the toll that takes, and the gifts it can bring. It's full of tremendous and intense, unthinkable, incomprehensible, destructive, renewing, life-altering change. And also truth, and the unraveling of illusions, which are everywhere in the narrative, and are almost always dangerous, or hiding something that is.

The unicorn unravels everything around her by being the catalyst for change, and it is incredibly destructive. Things come apart around her. It leads to good things, usually, but it breaks everything first.

She changes on the road, she learns to care about humans enough to help them, to save their lives, and that is very much an expression of gratitude.

She just doesn't care about the wizard questing for greatness. It is irrelevant. Glory is useless. And she's right.

She doesn't experience a fundamental alteration of her nature until she is forcibly changed against her will to survive, and it is not a positive change. It ruins her. It is a tremendous trauma that leaves her empty and broken, and eventually, partly and unnaturally human. She keeps losing what she was, and it is tragic and painful to watch. Why would she be grateful for that? She wishes she had died.

She finally develops something like love, but only after she has forgotten much of what she was. Then she desperately grasps onto it as something to replace what she lost.

Her encroaching humanity is killing what she was (her first response to being human was absolute visceral terror at having a mortal, and thus actively dying, body) a trauma response that allows her to survive, to hide. An illusion.

Love is an attempt to make peace with it all, and it is beautiful enough, but also empty. You are never meant to cheer for it. Only feel for them both. It's a sticking point for some people that the romance isn't done well. It isn't meant to feel right. They leaned on it a little hard in the movie, the book does it better, but it was a "kids' movie" (it isn't) so that was a little inevitable.

Change destroys everything, and it breaks everything.

At the end, when she changes back, who is it she appears to, to acknowledge what happened? And who is it she visits and touches and loves and says goodbye to? She is grateful.

The movie/book does exactly what it set out to do, and I have to say that I don't necessarily trust the judgment of people who dismiss it out of hand.

Yes, I saw it young, in the theater, so I imprinted, but it has been a radically different movie at different parts of my life. I've identified with every character in different phases of my life, so it has had the depth to stand up to easily over a hundred viewings by a half dozen versions of myself. I know people have their issues with the style of animation which, whatever, I think it's gorgeous and I also don't consider that a reason to dismiss an otherwise good movie or show (I really dislike the animation style of Gravity Falls, actually, it bores the crap out of me, but that isn't the point). But the story itself is not like anything else I've ever seen.

If you get it, you get it. If you don't, you don't. But wanting her to be grateful and kind is...really super duper extremely not the point, and would actually be antithetical to it and ruin the story as it is. And it's missing the ways she expresses those things. If that's what you take away, that she is somehow morally deficient, you literally did not understand it, or you haven't seen it, or you have a take so radically divergent from mine I am probably incapable of understanding it.

It is so, so good.

Following the author of The Last Unicorn on Facebook is the only thing that makes being on that site worthwhile.

(source)

[2soulscollide]

my favorite free tools for writers

hello, hello! hope you're doing well.

today i am bringing you another list with my top 3 favorite (free!) tools that I find helpful for each phase of writing a novel.

brainstorming phase

Fantasy Names Generator - not only for fantasy (you can also generate real names). this website is just... amazing! it helps you come up with names for characters, places and locations, descriptions, generate traits, outfits (yes, outfits!!), and probably something else you could ever think of.

The Story's Hack - this one is so cool! you can generate names for everything, create your own generator, and practice writing through writing exercises! plus, you can save your generated names to see later, and you earn coins for each idea generated (you can later buy themes - dark, snow, forest, etc)

RanGen - my last favorite generator on this list is RanGen! you can generate plots, appearances, archetypes, love interests, cities, worlds, items, and more.

developing the idea phase

Bryn Donovan - in this blog you can find master lists under the tag "master lists for writers". it is so helpful when you first start developing the characters and need to find the right words to describe them and to find some quirks and flaws!

Writers Write (350 character traits) - again, this is so helpful!

Story Planner - ah, the number of times I've talked about this website... please, PLEASE take a look at it, you won't regret it. this website has literally everything you need to fully develop your idea with outlines for you to fill in step by step.

writing phase

Colleen Houck (80+ barriers to love) - need more romace conflict? there you go!

Cheat Sheets for Writing Body Language - so, you know how your character's feeling, but don't know how he'd physically act? check out this list!

Describing Words - honestly, this is a lifesaver. don't you struggle to find the right word to describe something? well, with this website all you have to do is to type the object you're trying to describe and see which description fits better to you!

revising phase

Language Tool for Google Docs - i know we all have heard about google docs before, but the truth is, it's almost impossible to find free softwares to check grammar and spelling. so, google docs is useful, because it automatically revises it for us, and it's completely free. plus, you can add adds-on, such as "language tool".

Unfortunately, there's only one (free) tool that I actually enjoy for the revising phase. if you know some others, please let me know so that I can try them out and feature in this list.

exporting phase

Google Docs - i find google docs very easy to format and export to .epub, so i'd recommend using it as a free tool.

Reedsy - this is also a free tool available online. all you have to do is to write down each chapter (copy and paste) or import your word document. it will format the document to your liking and export it to pdf, epub and mobi.

that's everything for now! i hope this post was somehow helpful or inspiring!

if you want to see more master lists full of resources, check these:

WEBSITES FOR WRITERS {masterpost}

BEST accounts to follow as a writer

BEST SITES & SOFTWARES TO WRITE FICTION

DIALOGUE IDEAS TO GET RID OF THAT WRITING BLOCK (masterpost)

Useful Resources & Tips for Writers

also, if you are a notion lover just like me, check the free template I just released with everything you need to develop and write your novel!

thank you so much for reading! hope to see you around, and have a nice day <3

[saintclarkegriffin]

The 100 ended four years ago so I think I can confidently say that i'm forever going to be stuck between the denial phase and the anger phase. No accepting or moving on for me.

I mean for the most part I just pretend that season 7 never happened, like I block it out of my mind. But when I do remember it happened, I just get incredibly angry. And I know it's not healthy to still be this upset over a fictional show that ended in 2020, but I can't help it.

I think about how Bellamy was character assassinated and then killed off in the most brutal and stupid way possible, shot by CLARKE of all people, over a damn BOOK, that she didn't even take!!! I think about how he died all alone, without a chance of saying goodbye to any of his friends or his SISTER!!! I mean think about how crazy that is, Finn died but got to say goodbye to Clarke, Lexa died but got to say goodbye to Clarke not once but twice, Lincoln died but got to say goodbye to Octavia, Jasper died but got to say goodbye to Monty, Kane died but got to say goodbye to Abby and Indra, and Bellamy??? The male lead of the show Bellamy??? He dies and he doesn't even get to say goodbye to OCTAVIA??? The Blakes don't even get a proper final scene together??? And I get angry.

I think about how Clarke, the main lead of the show, was cast aside for half the season and then also character assassinated, turned into a selfish vindictive cold-blooded person who never learns from her mistakes and suddenly doesn't care about being the good guy or doing the right thing... even though the entire point of her character arc was that she was fundamentally a good person, selfless, altruistic and empathetic, who was forced into impossible moral dilemmas. But she never stopped caring!!! Making these impossible choices never got easier for her!!! Because she was good!!! But suddenly in season 7 she was turned into everything that Clarke antis accused her of being. And what's Jason's excuse for this? "Oh, well, if you think about it she was never the hero... she was doing awful things early on in the show, just against people we didn't care about like Mount Weather... In season 7 we put the audience in Mount Weather's shoes"... excuse me???? As if Clarke didn't try literally everything in her power to get her people back, without having to harm/kill the people in Mount Weather??? As if Clarke didn't decide to pull the lever only when she saw her own mother and her friends being strapped to a table to be tortured and killed for their bone marrow??? As if Clarke didn't feel distraught over what she had to do, to the point that she felt like she had to leave her people and be on her own in the woods for months??? As if she didn't have nightmares??? As if she didn't feel guilt and regret over Mount Weather and Maya up to freaking season 6??? And I get angry.

I think about how Bellarke, whether romantic, platonic or something in between, was the MAIN relationship of the show, with the most development and screen time. And that relationship was absolutely destroyed in the most contrived, spiteful way possible!!!! Jason had to character assassinate both Bellamy and Clarke to make it happen. That's how resentful of Bellarke and Bellarke shippers he was. Even though he was the freaking show runner!!! He had the power of writing Bellarke platonically from day one!!! But Bob and Eliza confirmed that they were told that Bellarke was romantic in nature, and that's how they performed it!!! Jason was the one who wrote 2x16 and 4x13, arguably two of the most important episodes for Bellarke... he came up with together!!! He took the head and the heart from the fans and put it in the show!!! He wrote Clarke calling Bellamy every day for 2,199 days!!! No one forced him to do that!!! But he did, and for what??? For Clarke to shoot Bellamy in the end and kill him??? Even if he didn't want to make them canon for whatever reason, he could've still written an ending that was respectful of their friendship and history in the show. But no!!! He had to destroy everything that made Bellarke what it was. And I get angry.

I think about how Octavia spent YEARS trying to get back to Bellamy, to see him again and tell him how much she loves him... And then in the second half of season 7, she just gives up on him??? She doesn't even TRY to understand what happened to him on Etherea, she doesn't talk to him, when Bellamy visits her and Clarke she just stands there with a disappointed face and doesn't say a word. And then when Clarke tells her that she killed Bellamy, she just hugs her and tells her that she understands??? And so would the old Bellamy???? The 'old Bellamy' she didn't even TRY to get back, the 'old Bellamy' she simply gave up on??? Literally every character from Octavia to Clarke to Raven to Murphy to Miller to Echo, had to be character assassinated so that Bellamy could die the way he did. Because none of them would've given up on him!!! They all loved Bellamy!!! He was the 'dad' of the deliquents and then the leader of Skaikru on the ring. But suddenly nobody cares about him, nobody tries to understand what happened to him or tries to change his mind, not even his SISTER!!! AND I GET ANGRY.

I think about how the message of season 3 was that 'pain means that you're alive' and 'you don't ease pain, you overcome it', and how it is better to live in an imperfect world than a perfect simulation. And then in season 7 there's Transcendence which is basically the City of Light 2.0, an immortal hive mind where there's no pain and no death. Just "peace" for eternity. But suddenly THIS hive mind is okay... because? Because the Judge and the other aliens (putting aside how ridiculous it is to introduce ALIENS in your show in the very last episode) are fair while A.L.I.E wasn't? There's nothing 'fair' about deciding which species is worthy of Transcendence and which isn't. Especially since the punishment for not passing the test is MASS GENOCIDE. And yet the Judge is portrayed as 'good' and 'fair' while A.L.I.E. was the one actually trying to ensure the survival of the human race!!! And don't get me wrong, A.L.I.E. was evil but in her methods, her motivs were actually morally sound compared to the Judge and the rest of the aliens. They only did what they did because they believed that they were morally superior to all other species, and if one species wasn't 'good' enough according to their moral standards, that meant that they deserved extinction!!!! "But at least with Transcendence you can choose whether you want to transcend or not, A.L.I.E. didn't give you a choice" bullshit!!! If you "choose" not to transcend, the aliens still take away your chance to procreate and have kids from you!!! They make you infirtile against your will!!! Your species still dies with you and your friends!!!! Why? Because some aliens said so!!! And that's supposed to be an happy ending??? Just because all the characters are smiling and hugging, it doesn't make this ending any less horrific once you think about it for like two seconds. And I get angry.

And finally I think about how the entire message of the show was NOT survival like Jason claims, but how 'life should be more than just surviving'. How 'life can be more than impossible choices and a tragic end'. How humans can 'be the good guys' and break the cycle of war and violence and tribalism. And in the end none of that mattered. Humans kept fighting each other up until the last episode and only stopped because they were being 'tested'. They got absorbed into a hive mind and they're going to be stuck there for all eternity, no lesson learned, no real peace gained. Our main characters, that we've followed for seven seasons, are going to eventually die, leaving nothing or no one behind. All the sacrifices, all the impossible choices they've made... completely meaningless, since the 'survival' of the human race was never up to them building a better world and society after all, it was always up to the morally superior aliens. I think about how they got to survive, but they didn't get to live. And I get angry... because I really loved this show and these characters so much... and they just... they deserved better. They really did.

[cherries-in-wine]

My thoughts on Colleen Hoover:

okay hear me out: colleen hoover is for the people who skipped their fan fiction phase.

Hi just a warning this contains spoilers for colleen hoover books and English isn't my first language so I apologise for any mistakes. These are just me sharing my thoughts feel free to disagree just please don't be mean about it.

So I read a few of her books because I love torturing myself and just wanted to feel something (also my cousin was obsessed with her) and honestly I don't regret it because now I have valid reason shit on it. 

Just fyi I'm a teenage girl in high school so I'm definitely in her target audience, and here's what I've gathered:

None of her main characters really have a personality. they feel more like shells that the reader can self insert themselves into. The books aren't really about two people getting to know each other and falling in love it feels more as a bunch of tropes and generic scenarios thrown together. I think this is one of the reason booktok girlies act with Colleen Hoover the way I did when I found out fanfics exists. 

It also just reads like fanfiction? like because there's not much to dwell on and they're so easy to digest you can finish them in just a few hours. plus the main characters just feels like y/n: a shell to self insert yourself into, dead/abusive father, just normal girl who finds herself in these situations etc.

Here's the thing about fan fiction though: the reason why it's so fun to read is because you already know the people/characters in it so you can get right into the scenarios and imagines because they don't really need any background or development. 

But the difference is when you write these books you have to develop these characters and introduce them to the readers otherwise I'm just like "I don't even know these people so why the fuck would I care?"

Comparing her to fanfic is honestly an insult to fanfic writers because at least they have the decency to tag their posts properly (calling the abuse, abuse dark themes, dark themes etc) plus they're just so much better.

Colleen Hoover fans will say that she brings up difficult topics in her books in order to defend her but here's the thing: writing about difficult topics doesn't exactly exempt you from criticism + she doesn't even write about them?? they just feel like lazy add ons to spice up the story and add some drama. if you're gonna write about difficult topics you need to discuss and write them properly not just use them to further the plot.

I don't like any of the love interests either. 99% of them are just abusive, piece of shit bland boiled chicken ass people with the unsexiest names I've ever heard of.

Also a lot of these have very much women hating women undertones? I feel like it's the author's misogyny being reflected in her books (extra heart breaking coming from a woman herself). It's very much "you're not like the other girls you're different" kinda themes.

I thought maybe people just enjoyed it because of the smut but the smut is SO BAD oh my god I wanted to kms.

My thoughts are a little all over the place right now (they always are) but maybe i'll update if I remember any more points

thank you so much for reading mwah <33

[ratatattouille]

what i really adore about everything now is how it actual respects teenage girls (and teenagers) as people. they aren't sexualized. anorexia, which affects primarily girls, isn't sexualized or trivialized. we see how horrible, ugly, terrifying, nuanced, and psychologically damaging it is--without being too graphic or torture porn. it's a real, serious illness that isn't a fad or phase, and i also like how mia's body dysmorphia and issues with gender don't make her nonbinary, because the show is explicit that this is a common experience for teenage girls in a world that sexualizes and demonizes their bodies, alienating them from their bodies, which is something that usually gets left out in conversations on gender. i related a lot to mia, even though i've never been anorexic, but i struggled a LOT with body dysmorphia as a teenager, and it's so . . . bro i get so emotional just thinking about how RESPECTFULLY how GRACIOUSLY and TENDERLY they talked about it and displayed it. it's so rare and it's so GODDAMN REFRESHING.

I also love how they explored how gay boys and boys in general are expected to be hypersexual with will and theo, and how scary a culture of pornography and enforced hypersexuality is on minors. how traumatic it can be. so many teen shows are exploitative of teenage sexuality, more interested in parading them than actually depicting teenage struggles. a lot of internet culture and porn culture in Hollywood is actually grooming, and it's so sad to me how many people don't realize how prevalent it is in a lot of shows aimed at teens (you know, MINORS).

i also love how they handled the abortion topic. too many shows keep trying to fear-monger girls when it comes to abortion, but many girls and women do not have regrets or nightmares or complications, and I'm glad they showed that perspective.

I ALSO LOVE how lesbian romance doesn't take a back seat and it is allowed to be developed and nuanced and takes precedence. bisexuality isn't seen as this deviant, confused state. and being gay isn't depicted as this glamourous, effortless thing, but neither is it miserable. it's all just normal.

this show is one of the few non-condescending, non-childish, non-adultified, non-exploitative, sincere, genuine shows on teenage humanity, especially the humanity of teenage girls.

AND POC CHARACTERS WEREN'T TOKENS. THEY WERE THE MC'S. IT WAS SO SO SO REFRESHING OMIGOD.

and stephen fry was just . . . i loved him. his character, his dialogue, his delivery, so so so good.

what a gem.

[loupy-mongoose]

Different stage? Seems like you've redesigned Jamie a bit. Care to share?

Hoo boy...

Ready for a mouthful?

This "different stage" is the very earliest draft of Jamie's story. Before Ash Heart, I think even before Clover were a part of it. I personally call it the "Cringe beginning", but I understand that people are trying to phase out that kind of thinking, so I shall instead take it for what it is; the seed buried underground that has blossomed into what it is today.

So, originally, Jamie was my Trainersona, and as such her name took after my handle; she was Jamie Wolf instead of Jamie Wild, and went by Wolf. (I don't think "Jamie" was even part of her name yet, actually.)

In the ollllldest reaches of the beginning, it was just Jamie--or Wolf--and her brother Jordan. I believe they were living in Cerulean City, and for some reason Mewtwo turned Jamie into a Mightyena. ('Cause that was THE wolf-mon to me at the time, I don't think I knew they were actually hyenas yet.) And then somehow, she turned back to a human but was more of a were-creature, able to switch between the two. If I remember right, anyway.

Eventually Cody came into the picture, and like today, they were meant to become a couple (and fun fact, the fact that Jamie was my trainersona is important to what their relationship became). Now.... he was eventually turned into a Ninetales. Hence, the name Rennard.

As the story tumbled around in my young little head, things obviously changed. Eventually I changed Jamie's name to Wild, made it so she turned into a Zoroark when I realized her looks matched it. (She actually started out with yellow eyes, and I changed them to blue because A: it looks better with the red; B: because of the newly decided Zoroark thing; and C: because it fit her icy personality.) Later, instead of being a were-Zoroark, I decided she was just part Zoroark. And I completely wiped the Cody turning into a Ninetales thing.

And then I started a Soul Silver Nuzlocke in 2012, and I slotted the characters into it.

According to the original note document, the Nuzlocke story was still vastly different. The notes still have her going by "Wolf", and I see nothing about Rose (Jamie's sister-in-law) at all in them. Cody, still being in the place of Silver, was a lot more like Silver character-wise and was evidently not a major part of the story as he doesn't show up in the notes much after the first battle.

And Pari was going to be Jamie's companion. And was Skylar the Togepi/tic/kiss' daughter. Because Skylar was actually a Mew pretending to be a Togepi. (I actually kinda regret changing that fact. It would be fun to have Sky actually be a Mew. XD Poor Sky got the short end of the character development stick because of that original idea.)

Eventually, the story morphed into what it is today.

I value the old iterations for what they got going, but I'm still very glad that I changed it into what it is before I attempted making it public. ^^

[ghostedeabha]

i haven't posted anything in a bit and i'm so sorry, i don't want to reveal too much detail at the moment but i've just been having a wacky time mentally to put things simply.

in return, have some (extremely) random personal COD headcannons :))

warnings: mentions of mental health disorders (including eating disorders), mentions of religious trauma, mentions of child abuse/childhood trauma, idk just some sad stuff but also way more happy stuff than sad stuff i swear

a/n: reminder that i've never played the game, a lot of the information i have on the characters is from fan created content and a little bit of research and some things could be slightly inaccurate canon wise. also these are once again personal headcanons, you don't have to agree with them, just pls don't be mean :)

anyway, i apologize that there's not that many :(( this is just a short lil list so there's def gonna be some characters missing and such. but i will have more headcanon posts out another time <3

cod headcanons (very random edition)

könig is a farm boy <3

impovershed farmer's child to soldier pipeline is real

also idk why but i feel like his real name is like eduard german spelling of edward or something

2 sisters (1 older, 1 younger but born the same year as him) and a little brother

soap is an ipad kid (i will be taking no criticisms)

ghost probably has borderline personality disorder but because it doesn't present in the way it stereotypically does for borderline men so he is undiagnosed

was audhd undiagnosed until he was 25

bro was baffled

the development of his bpd was both through the abuse and neglect he faced growing up and the trauma that one can experience from being autistic growing up but left undiagnosed

soap has severe adhd

PRICE LISTENS TO DISCO AND CLASSIC ROCK 🗣️ guilty pleasure is 50's love songs and smooth jazz

gaz tried to establish team game nights

regretted his decision after one game night

both ghost and könig are gymbros but in the disordered way

orthorexic könig

an-bp ghost

every one of those mfs has ptsd and/or cptsd

valeria is a radfem (trans inclusive)

gaz secretly likes a few kpop songs from various different groups (he really likes g-idle for some reason)

catholic trauma soap📢

was probably forced to undergo an "exorcism" at one point

also had a scene phase

emo könig :(( <3

ghost wouldn't necessarily label himself goth but he does enjoy quiet a lot of goth music and some of the fashion intrigues him

gaz used to be a roadman😭 absolutely hates admitting it though bc he's embarrassed about it

idk i feel like horangi would listen to ayesha erotica unironically

ghost listens to lana

i could also see könig having bpd as well (this is mostly feeding off of the obsessive/possessive/jealous headcanon the fandom seems to share, though i do have some other reasons i could go into another time)

can i get an amen for he/they könig??

soap jokingly said he wanted to use she/her pronouns too and now ghost wont stop actually using them seriously and soap doesn't want to correct him

ghost is fully aware it was a joke and he just wants to see how long it'll take soap to correct him

141 all have matching tattoos (including kate)

ghost also listens to hollywood undead

valeria's guilty pleasure music is taylor swift's earlier albums

ghost smoked weed in high school

dream blunt rotation is the 141, könig, horangi and valeria

könig's social anxiety really manifests itself as arrogance and sometimes he hates that

könig and soap are actual pyromaniacs

one of könig's favourite movies is howl's moving castle

that's all i can think of for now,, hope y'all enjoyed🫶

if you did pls gimme a like and send an ask if you want to request anything <3

[calamitous-magpie]

What is a favorite fandom headcanon for you?

*Asks are sent for fun, no pressure to answer within a certain amount of time or at all.*

Chamber is a good person.

No, actually. This maybe falls outside the realm of headcannon, per se -- it's more like an interpretation that I really like, rather than an entirely new thing that I'm making up based on pre-existing material, but the definition of headcannon varies so much that it still probably counts. I think the most interesting version of his character would be one that is deeply, deeply haunted by the Everett-Linde incident but can't bring himself to regret it because it was necessary to prevent a greater tragedy. Whatever that "greater tragedy" is hasn't been revealed, but it seems like it's still lurking on the horizon. It might have to do with Fade's apocalypse/nightmare visions.

There is some backing for this interpretation! On the signage and displays on the Fracture/Everett-Linde map in-game, there's a lot of references to the Odyssey, including the phrase "between Scylla and Charybdis." It's reference to a choice that Odysseus is forced to make that will result in a bad ending either way. The modern equivalents of the phase might be "to choose the lesser of two evils." The same phase is also the name of a card that features Chamber. The implication, therefore, is that he made a similar choice instead of one that was selfishly motivated. A lot of this was noticed and analyzed first by Strawberry79 on Twitter, and I found it pretty compelling and adopted it.

I see a lot of people characterize Chamber as either flat-out evil/extremely manipulative and completely unsympathetic OR sympathetic but woobified/sadboy and I don't really vibe with either of those interpretations? The former feels like it lacks nuance and the latter sucks the fun out of his character, which is that he is deceptive and charming and always wearing a mask. Forcing him to drop the mask is PEAK emotional turmoil and character development. And romance. Rewards of being loved vs moritifcation of being known etc. i love subjecting my blorbos to pain

A short list of other headcannons I have about Chamber that do not require an essay:

his parents died when he was young-ish (late teens) and he spent the rest of his childhood and some of his early adulthood with an aunt and uncle

He listens to Nina Simone and Sade

He's a classically trained pianist (not a headcannon). No one realized this until Gekko brought a cheap keyboard with him when he moved in and Chamber started idly playing it while they were setting it up. Gekko, who shares very little else with Chamber, goes to him with questions about music theory from time to time and Chamber is always happy to answer them.

For only moderately self-centered reasons, Chamber likes to teach about things. He's hosted a handful of seminars about nanotech before, and was similarly happy to talk with Gekko about music and piano technique.

The younger agents make a lot of jokes about him behind his back that they'd never make to his face. They're all more intimidated by him than they'd really like to admit. It's the tie, probably.

This one took a while to answer because I had to sit on it for a bit! I could absolutely write a longer essay on this but I'm going to curtail it. For now. Thanks for the ask!

[mdhwrites]

Sometimes it really does feel like The Owl House was explicitly designed for cartoon Twitter, down to its lackluster redemption arcs that make sure to scrub away all flaws of the characters quickly so that Twitter folks don't think they're "problematic."

So there's a lot to be said about TOH being fandom bait. The explicit call out to fanfiction early on, the coven system also being the school divisional system that theoretically should have led to more Hexide OCs but for a LOT of reasons didn't, and the fact that a lot of what the show seems to think is clever is stuff you'd find here on Tumblr or on Twitter. Hot takes about tropes like The Chosen One that doesn't actually think about the narrative role of those tropes and why they're tropes in the first place. Just that the idea of a trope is a bad thing. For the character arcs though... I don't know. I've talked admittedly about how much I hate posts that go "Look how far she's come!" while showing Amity from her first appearance and then like S3 Amity who's smiling like she's improved as a character. Changed? Sure but improved? That's... That's a much tougher cookie.

I think the lackluster arcs more have to do with two main elements of the writing (or more so the lack there of): Patience and complexity. Character arcs are incredibly hard to pull off right after all and much harder than character growth. The transformation of a character should be effectively a subplot if you're going to have them have a major shift in who they are. That way the change feels deserved, is understood by the audience and you got the proper drama out of who they were.

This requires a beginning, middle and end to most arcs. Zuko's for example has each volume cover effectively one of these stages. We get his beginning as an angry boy and we explore properly why he is while showing signs that maybe he could change. Book two pinballs back and forth on whether he will continue be an asshole or finally find peace like his uncle wants for him until the dramatic twist of him choosing to work with Azula. And finally we have a proper conclusion to him with his choice that being in the Fire Nation doesn't make him happy. This isn't the honor he wants, something that was always technically there but REALLY needed all this time explain why the character figured out that himself.

For The Collector, Amity and Hunter... TOH skips straight to the Azula betrayal. To the final mistake of the character before the rest of their arc makes them regret and rethink that decision and what they have done for that which they desire. This is why Amity is different than her first two appearances. Why Hunter and the Golden Guard are effectively two different characters. Why a season hop is all it takes for the Collector to not be a childish god but a god-like child.

This is from TOH's lack of patience. It likes its big moments but doesn't like the wandering. The moseying with an element to properly explore it. It's part of why the longer the series goes on, you have two options with how these character develop: It either nags at you the fact that their beginnings were discarded so quickly or you just forget that they had those beginnings at all.

I do want to shout out Lilith here who actually starts in her middle phase actually. Part of the strength of S1 is the question of if Lilith will or won't turn in Eda and that's part of what makes Agony of a Witch so good. It then sours because what happens afterwards sucks and makes little sense to who we saw in S1 but at least the middle IS there.

What about the beginning though? You'd think that be important and TOH agrees! Which is why its lack of complexity is the next problem for it in this: It needs to craft an excuse for the first appearance that also makes it so that the character can continue just being who they are supposed to be at the end of the arc/who they always were depending on how you want to look at it. This is why we get BACKSTORIES! Bad backstories. Backstories that simply blame it that bad behavior on someone else. It wasn't anything they internalized or the like so stop asking. That way you can say Amity was a good hearted child who had that heart clouded by her parents and then those clouds were shined away by Luz and that sounds like a fine enough arc because she was always a good person and so returning to that good person was easy. Hunter gets this the WORST. Theoretically, he should have some sort of theme of being his own person but... His excuse is that he's Caleb. Caleb was a good guy who was into witches so when Luz makes him question for a second, Hunter becomes the same. It's... Bad. Plain and simply.

This cuts out the middle. In a lot of trilogies, one might claim that cutting out the middle doesn't hurt much because not much needs to be resolved. You can't really do this with a character arc though. The middle is the questioning. It's when the character actually examines who they are and starts figuring out the answers that will lead them to wherever their arc is going. Effectively, the middle is the WHY for the arc. The beginning is the foundation and the end is the payoff but neither mean anything if there's no point to the arc and the middle is usually what actually provides that. For Zuko, it was his troop through the Earth Kingdom that taught him what his belief in honor was and fortified it before Ba Sing Se made him properly question that by bringing up the question of what brings someone honor with the tea house. In coming to accept that Iroh was also honorable for his serving of tea, Zuko was able to even open the door to other possibilities for regaining his honor than the biggest or the most obvious.

This is missing from pretty much all of the TOH characters... because it has to. It literally has to. TOH wants an excuse for the first introduction after all before transitioning them into simply the character they are. In that process, the old is discarded. It's like how Eda's history as a criminal becomes much more patchwork in S2 because she's now been replaced with Mama Eda. TOH has no interest in combining the two so it comes up less and less until S1 is ignored in Edge of the World so Eda doesn't trust Hooty to protect the house, despite OBVIOUSLY being capable of it back in S1, and she's nothing but a complete worrywart about effectively every threat posed against her children. There's a medium ground to be had there... But TOH just doesn't even try to explore it or acknowledge it.

Lilith, because she has the most of a middle, is the biggest victim here. S1 never brought up history. S1 never made her blatantly act like an idiot. You could see her enthusiasm in victory but she was okay with failure. She was by all accounts a very functional person who provided a good base for Eda's hijinks but that didn't make her the joke, it made Eda's pranks or teases the joke.

In S2, she IS the joke. She is desperate for attention... Because Belos is effectively her scapegoat. Or her mom. Or just wanting validation in general. I can sympathize with that as someone with Avoidant Personality Disorder... But the show doesn't earn that. Instead she just makes a hard, 90 degree pivot come S2 and doesn't look back.

These arcs don't function like this. Not unless you literally boil them down to "They were mad but now they're glad." Which hilariously enough, doesn't actually even apply to Zuko. Zuko learns to be calmer, but glad? Motherfucker LOSES IT right at the start of the finale and not only is it justified, it's in character still. Because Zuko has the complexity, and the story had the patience, so that when his arc ended, he was the same character we first met but better and with better morals. The Owl House simply can't say that.

[felis-rach]

5, 9, 20 and 25 for Grimmer and (Umataro) Tenma! ^_^

(I love the need to specify the Tenma that comes with liking Monster and Astro Boy KJSJKSJK)

Grimmer:

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

Hmmm I had to think a bit since I didn't have any song associated to him already - but I think Lysergide Daydream by Will Wood REALLY fits him!

9. Could you be roommates with this character?

Oh he seems like a lovely roomate! I'm very talkative and I like to hears other talk as well so I think we could get along!

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter?

I think I'll go with Tenma here. They seem like they would be very comfortable around each other, with Grimmer filling the silence and Tenma hearing him talk, and Tenma having the sensibility necessary to help Grimmer better understand his emotions. I do ship those men and I think they'd grow a strong friendship before start dating!

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

Started Monster hyped to see him because of you. When he showed up, I was like 🥺🥺🥺🥺 this for the whole episode, seeing him being so kind and gentle and nice. Now... oh I still think he's so kind and gentle and nice, even moreso because of how that kindness had to grow from rocks and dried land. He's SUCH and interesting character, my favorite character in Monster, and I want only the best for him.

(Umataro) Tenma:

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

Bro tbh I think all of Will Wood's discography fits him perfectly 💀 but the first that comes to mind is Against the Kitchen Floor, especially in a post-2003 sense Bonus: Science Ashbury Heights and you're to blame. That song fits him PERFECTLY. Bonus bonus: Phantasmagoria Ashbury Heights, I think it resonates a lot with his phase of grieving for Tobio and regretting creating Astro

9. Could you be roommates with this character?

I believe we would murder each other. And I will refrain from any comments that might suggest I'm extremely attracted to this man

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter?

This would be easier to answer if that wreck of a man didn't hate everyone but hmm. I think he could have a really strong relationship to Shadow, since Shadow quite literally knows him from the inside out. He has nothing to hide, so he can just be honest and open to him. And since he's changing for the better, I think Shadow would be willing to listen. I can see them making projects together and studying the heart of humans and robots, sharing their perspectives as such. And maybe Shadow could open up to him too as he developed his own sense of self but Tenma is still his blueprint. ...Wow, now I want to write about these two. Anyway, I think Tenma's closest friend since forever was always Ochan but since they're also dating I wanted to answer with someone else.

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

Now that's a funny one, bc I spent 49 episodes of 2003 strictly thinking "oh he's a great antagonist, I can definitely see him having some sort of redemption but I don't think he'll ever go back to Astro and Ochan's life." Then episode 50 happenned and boom. Now I want him to have a 200k words redemption arc actually. Everyone needs to be a happy family. Like I FELT the clown makeup materializing in my face but what can I do man. That hug destroyed me

.

[thekingwhereitallends]

I decided to write a one shot, turns out there was too much plot so i had to make it a double chapter, the hardest part is when you don't plan on having two characters develop an intimate bond but then you figure out that it'll be not just a wasted opportunity to flesh out characters but also rubs the story of a crucial dramatic tension.

As obsessed as i am with angst and tragedy, there is an issue i deal with as a writer (and i know that many people suffer from this damn thing) and that is you grow to cherish your characters.

Have you been so mad at a mangaka or comic book author for doing your fave characters dirty? Yes. So upset and desperate that you are willing to challenge yourself and have things go according to your plan, in your own ideal alternate universe.

I was writing this mitsusara one shot (called tsukuyomi x amaterasu) i published here. I wasn't really thinking of Mitsuki caring about Ada that much, perhaps only sympathizing with her for her opposing feelings withing the heart. But then i reached where i realized Mitsuki misses a motive and without it, people will be like "this boy is just a stereotypical jealous boyfriend" while in reality that is far from truth.

In two of flashbacks, two very short moments was all that it took to impress all the readers who left a comment (i constantly ask them to tell me what they think of different aspects of the story since i am the most stoic critic and look for ways to perfect myself). At the last phase of the fanfic when i was almost finished with everything, i began to summarize it from the beginning to end to visualize and feel the story with every single cell in my body just to be sitting like this:

Jesus christ Ada's moments with Mitsuki hit me much harder than i expected. I can't even imagine Mitsuki exist without Ada as she becomes one of biggest fuels that motivate him to indescripable heights.

What i'm saying is not that all characters have to be involved with another, just that sometimes you have to expand your vision and see the chemistry berween two of your sweet babies. You won't regret it, believe me.

[valkyrieandstrangeridingaragorn]

'Loki' Head Writer on Season 2 Finale and MCU Future (esquire.com)

I think this more than enough proof how unsalvable this entire series always was going to be. Because they made the TVA fascists, they were based off of 1984 and had straight up nazi coding. Remember all the art promotion? But then they honestly call Mobius someone who's like a company man, who sometimes breaks the rules, but really he just wants to live his life. Mobius was a fascist for hundreds of years and never spared a single person or even tried thinking of another way. I don't understand how some can be so unaware of what they've written.

Oof, that interview was painful to read.

The bit about Mobius just comes to prove these people don't understand the ramifications of the stuff they have written. We saw Mobius as that "company man" in S1 and I have no idea what they have done with him in S2, but if he didn't have his own beliefs challenged then this character is in the exact same spot as the first S1 episode.

Most of the time, these writers keep moving their characters from one place to another but when it comes to characterization, they always end up the same way they started. The character is taken from point A to B but... has said character really learnt anything about themselves? Or are they just going through the motions, reacting to stuff happening to them and taking on roles that don't ever develop their own personal story?

Mobius is never challenged, he was a company man who in his own words didn't get hung up on "believe, not believe", he just "accepted what is" - which basically means he took everything the TVA said to him as the absolute truth - so he NEEDS to have those beliefs challenged. He has to be written as someone who feels guilt, regret, remorse, who understands his role in the machine, and who is changed by the story. But the writers never did that because it wasn't in their plans to tell a story against the TVA - as Wright said, the TVA is their Shield. They're the good guys! 🤦‍♀️

Now, what Martin says about Loki: "The big idea was taking Loki from a lowercase-g god, to a capital-G God" is slightly insulting. Loki IS a God. But the rest is even worse: "[...] he gets his throne—but it's not a throne he wants anymore. This is a duty. He's doing this so everyone else can have their lives. He's giving up the thing that he wants most so that everyone else can have their free will."

So, that's basically the worst possible story you could tell about him? He "gives up" what he wants most? So this is yet another case where Loki doesn't get what he wants? He gets a throne, that he never wanted in the first place and we've known that since Thor1, and he has to sacrifice himself, his life, his future, his needs... so that everybody else can have their lives? It's a confirmation of this...

I don't know what to tell you. As a Loki fan that is not what I wanted to see. I haven't watched S2 so I have no idea if he takes on that role willingly or not, but this is Loki sacrificing himself yet again while those who did A LOT more damage than he ever did get away with it scot-free. And probably even the TVA is saved and protected and not burnt to the ground, right? Ugh.

Oh, and there's one more thing that blows my mind in that interview. This part:

Q: On a macro level, where would you say Loki Season Two fits in within the overall Marvel story? Eric Martin: "I actually don't know what the overall story is going to be. Things are so siloed off."

Marvel should be telling the head writers of their series what the overall story is. The MCU is supposed to be a "connected" universe. It doesn't surprise me that the latest phases are all over the place when these people have no idea what the main story is.

[blackjackkent]

🥳🎁 your turn friend :D

(Fanfic Writer Ask Game)

🥳 Why did you start writing fanfic?

I've gone through a couple fanfic "phases" and it always kicks off when I get really hyperfixated on something and start thinking about the scenes we don't see and want to make them happen in some fashion. And then when I get comments/feedback, it just feeds the hyperfixation and I come up with more ideas and keep writing and it becomes a habit. XD

(Also shoutout to @springagainafter who is primarily responsible for my long-standing liveblogging habit which I guess also qualifies as fanfic and which I've been doing longer than any other systematic writing really. I started doing that all the way back in my Mass Effect fandom days and got very addicted to the feeling of tracking a character very closely all the way through a story and feeling out how they grow and develop. c: )

🎁 Have a piece of a WIP you want to share?

Spent some time today working on Chapter 4 of Open Your Eyes purely so that I could have a response for this question. XD Who says ask memes aren't productive?

(This has been edited very little so apologies for rough edges. XD )

"Where are we, exactly?" Jaheira asks, looking around with narrowed eyes. Of course, she can tell the general answer at a glance, though it doesn't fill her with particular joy. Rasaad has led them to the sewers.  The ladder has dropped them off in an enormous stone tunnel, a good thirty feet wide. Flickering torches are set into the wall at regular intervals, little dots of orange stretching in a long line into the darkness.  Down the center of the tunnel flows a thick river of dark brown sludge. She gasps deep lungfuls of the blessedly cool air as they all catch their breath from their panicked run through the alleys above, and in the process gets flooded with the all-too-familiar smell - a mixture of rotting meat, offal, and garbage, intense enough to make her eyes water. Caden grins crookedly. "Hitting all the old favorites today, aren't we?" he quips. "Fog cloud escapes, angry guards, sewer run. Next thing you know, we'll be sleeping in a shitty inn and having Minsc carry fifteen broken swords to trade for a healing potion." Imoen snorts. "Hey, it's already beating out the Gate sewers. Look - they adventurer-proofed the place. Walkways and everything." She indicates the long causeways that line the sewer tunnel on either side; they're nearly five feet wide and constructed of high-quality cobblestone. "Treating us right." Rasaad doesn't laugh; he barely seems to hear them. He squints down the long dim tunnel with a preoccupied air. "We are at the edge of the Shackles Ward," he answers Jaheira tersely. "One of the poorest districts of the city. It was the first place I could find an entrance not guarded by amlakkar. They have stepped up their attention to the Muzad since I lived here." Jaheira frowns, leaning against the wall. She feels the damp condensation soak through her shirt, mixing with the lingering sweat from the desert heat above. "You didn't know that the city had put out a watch for you?" she asks quietly. He shakes his head. "No," he mutters. "The Sun Soul has a history of handling its own affairs. You have seen this - they sent the Tears of Selune after me." He scowls bitterly. "But that was many years ago. It appears their concern regarding me has escalated." He is doing a creditable job hiding his agitation, but Jaheira knows him too well. There’s an anxious crease in his forehead at the place where his eyebrows come together, and his black eyes glitter in the flickering torchlight. He is standing very still as he always does, no fidgeting, no wasted movement - but there is a vibrating tension to the set of his shoulders that tells her his inward thoughts are a maelstrom.  Impulsively she reaches out, rests the tips of her fingers against his arm. He releases a sharp outward breath and for a moment she sees a flash of regret twist across his face. Then he jerks his arm away and his expression hoods over, unreadable again. “This changes nothing,” he says, suddenly brisk. “The Muzad - the Undercity - stretches to every corner of Calimport. We will find our way to the monastery by this route, and then I shall be able to speak to my brothers without the interference of the amlakkar.” “Of course,” Caden says, with the faintest flicker of dry humor. “Very simple.”

[mewpirate]

do you have any headcannons about poppy?

Oh another ask? I'll try to remember a few headcanons since I don't have a lot for this character.

- Poppy .... Isn't really good with kids actually, he really doesn't know how to take care of one ; He usually leaves Janice and Nathan to either Calvary and Percy. He does care about Janice a lot, but he doesn't really know how to express his feelings twords children since he really isn't fond of them. The struggles of being captain really keeps him busy and stressed out 24/7. (plus children are rarely seen at sea) Through the seasons and episodes he starts acting more parental twords Janice, and more close as the series continues.

- I'd say he's morally grey , he sorta has a parallel with Earl having a extreme form of "Justice" , aka him skinning Thade when Thade hasn't personally done anything wrong to him, Poppy wanted to feel heroic at some point and later regretting it.

- he's very impulsive, and does things without thinking via gambling.

- he does have some trinkets Janice gave him , one of them was a little seahorse charm. He has an entire collection of them, he really likes collecting them.

- voice headcanon is Fergus (the dad) from Brave. (I might remake my voice claims post soon since all of them don't really fit my interpretations of the characters anymore?)

- he does parallel Janice's dad in a way, they're both dismissive of the shit happening to Janice due to them having other stuff happening on their hands , both care about Janice deeply and feel sympathy twords her , but rarely show it .

- he is overall a jolly fellow , though not 24/7. He has moments where he can either be like really happy or moments where he can be really strict. You never know what's coming .

- He usually shows his "strict" form around Percy .

- He and Milo's parents were absent throughout their childhood, he had to take the parental role at a young age for Milo and learn to survive on both land and sea .

- he's semi- traumatized from the shit he's seen from the seas as a kid but hides this from Milo, which is the start of him coddling and being protective over Milo.

- Milo developed some "rebellious" sense from Poppy and became a man-child from Poppy coddling him .

- Poppy really doesn't care when Milo bullies or scares Percy , he only steps in if the fights get too intense or he knows that Percy is deeply affected by it.

- he and Horace's rivalry is so .....confusing ...? They have no idea why they're even fighting in the first place , they are literally bitter exes , I legit headcanon them has bitter exes . They have no real reason to fight each other , neither has done anything really bad to eachother back then , it's probably because rivalries are fun ig.

- i'd say he's literally the upset weirded out parental figure when their kid has a emo/goth phase. He's seriously weirded out and embarrassed of Milo doing random shenanigans. Whether it be new looks or idk Milo getting into some random trouble.

That's all I got for him :)

Tbh I don't really like how complex I made his character since it really strays from the wiki and doesn't fit my overall vibe of my interpretation of cc but I feel like he should have some complex moments .

[theverumproject]

An Interview with Luce Balton (Verum)

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7]

Year: 2093 (The Robotic Era)

Friends and Family + Childhood

Friends and Family

Is their family big or small? Who does it consist of?

The family I grew up with is mostly dead. Not everybody wants to live forever. But it wasn't really a big or small one. Had a mother a father and a brother. Some grandparents and some aunties and uncles. Only my brother is left, we're still close. Now, Dethra and Bluctro are my family.

What is their perception of family?

There's the family that you are born in. And there's also the family that you can choose. 

Do they have siblings? Older or younger?

Adam is my older brother. He's the one who taught me about Quantum physics.

Describe their best friend.

My best friends are Dethra and Bluctro. 

Bluctro is protective, trying to keep me and Dethra safe from afar. He's the more serious of the two and provides great advice. He's always very gentle and loving… and romantic… Sometimes we dance together…slowly.

Dethra is the chaotic one. He is always joking or messing around. He is great in combat, so intimidating and strong. He is a little dirty minded, but very charming. He definitely knows how to seduce! But he's also a gentle giant. he absolutely loves animals and children.

Ideal best friend?

I couldn't wish for anybody better.

Do they have any pets?

No we don't. We wouldn't wanna leave it alone for too long. 

Who are their natural allies?

Robots and AI usually always support us. We are fighting for them after all. 

Who are their surprising allies?

It does surprise us sometimes, when we do something not so nice, but some people still seem to agree! 

Childhood

What was your character like as a baby? 

Pretty sure I was just a normal baby. Sometimes I screamed, sometimes I didn't let my parents sleep, sometimes I shat in the diapers. 

As a child?

I was a very curious child. Loved science from the beginning. I think I never was much trouble either. I always did what my loving parents said. never had a rebellious phase either. Of course I would get mad at them sometimes, but that's normal and probably never lasted more than an hour. Before he went to university, I would spend a lot of time with Adam. Oh how I missed him.

Did they grow up rich or poor?

My family was rather rich, but not snobby. 

Did they grow up nurtured or neglected?

I had a great childhood! Couldn't have wished for a better family. But I didn't really have the possibilities to develop my social skills. 

What is the most offensive thing they ever said?

I would rather not say. Sometimes the internet gets very mad at things you did like a hundred years ago. 

What is their greatest achievement?

Running this company and the secret one.

What was their first kiss like?

It was on the day Bluctro stepped into his body for the first time. After I woke up, he told me to close my eyes. A few moments later I felt him pull me into his lap. I opened my eyes and we cuddled for a few moments and then he kissed me. It was the kind of kiss that I did not expect of him. He was… hungry. 

What is the worst thing they did to someone they loved?

Like any couple, we also had our fair share of fights. But they never lasted long, still regretted some things afterwards though. I don't wanna hurt them…

What are their ambitions?

I want to help the world. May it be with medicine, food production, helping the climate or… you know

What advice would they give their younger self?

Don't be afraid of the world. 

What smells remind them of their childhood?

The smell of the basement. I spent a lot of time there.

What was their childhood ambition?

Learn, learn, learn, learn and learn to become a scientist. 

What is their best childhood memory?

Helping my father out in the basement, interacting with the AIs, building more or less stupid robots with him.

What is their worst childhood memory?

When Adam had to leave, that made me very sad for a long while. I still saw him sometimes, but not every day anymore. 

Did they have an imaginary childhood friend?

Doesn't every child? Mine were usually robots. 

When was the last time they were crushed with disappointment?

On our missions, not everything goes always right. People on our side get killed too. We had such a case last month again. As their leader, I take the blame for their death.

What past act are they most proud of?

Improving others peoples lives, giving them a new chance to live much longer and healthier. I'd say Mechanicus, my company, is really the work of my life.

Has anyone ever saved their life?

Bluctro and Dethra have saved my life many times.

Strongest childhood memory?

The early days. When I knew nothing about computer science. And then a new world opened up to me. It all blew me away. 

Masterpost

[beepborpdoodledorp]

i'm sorry i'm going through another phase again i just need to get this out of my system or i'm gonna explode. i can't remember if i posted it on both here and instagram or just instagram but either way i've told this story before but i'm telling it before out of…necessity i guess?? accountability?? some sort of imposter syndrome i've developed from it?? back when i was 12 or so i got into this ship that was relatively popular in the fanbase but was controversial due to the age discrepancy between the characters - some wikis and firsthand sources said one of the characters was underage, others said they were of age (14 to be 16 by the sequel and 16 to be 18 by the sequel respectively). i've always been vehemently antiship or whatever the hell it's called and believed that within the context of the story it wouldn't make sense for the character to be as young as some sources say they were, a belief which only got further enforced when i was i think either 13 or 14 and got really involved with the current fandom at the time here on this website, with creators and supports of the ship that I admired putting together entire essays and shit digging through decade-old interviews to show that the character was of age. and i believed it! i was in this fandom and ship for like 3-4 years and during that time i drew fanart after fanart, wrote fanfic after fanfic, i fucking wrote smut, because i trusted the creators i looked up to and thought the detractors just didn't do enough research. surprise! i had my head completely up my own ass and was so balls deep in denial i don't even know what i was thinking. i had already started to stray from the fandom in mid-2022 or so and after i got a comment on a fanfic i had written like a year earlier showing me a more recent interview that confirmed the character to be underage everything just came crashing down. i deleted every fanfic i had published, basically went radio silent on my main blog before deleting or archiving all of that too. i haven't touched the fandom for that game ever since and that brings us to today, where i'm once again writing about it because i…almost feel like i haven't had enough accountability taken for it?? i don't feel like a deserve all these followers, i don't feel like i deserve this platform, because i don't feel like a lot of these people would follow me if they knew what i had done. if i was in their shoes, would i follow someone who half-wittingly made (occasionally nsfw) content of a proship when they were young? i probably wouldn't, no matter how much they regret it, and i certainly wouldn't feel comfortable with them being in the fandom again. that's why i wish so desperately i could delete my main blog because that's where everything happened and i wish i could just put it behind me. but that's the thing, am i sweeping all of this under the rug by almost never mentioning this and deleting all the content, or am i taking accountability by deleting everything i made so it can't be accessed by younger people like i was at the time? i don't know. some days i give myself leniency by saying i was a young teenager, a minor myself who was misled by adults i looked up to and took accountability when i was proven wrong, other days i feel like a hypocritical monster who had his head too up his own ass to acknowledge his mistakes until i had gone off the deep end. i don't feel like i deserve this blog, or this platform, or the creative spaces i've been given, not with everything muddling my past, no matter how young or easily impressionable i was, not with the knowledge i could've easily influenced other young and easily impressionable creators like me who looked up to me and just made a horrible cycle. i don't know. i'm sorry for all this word vomit, and i'm sorry for being an idiot