#I don't know if I'll ever do a full doctor who au with these two but if you want to see more excerpts for this particular idea let me know

[yomica12345]

Logan tugged Virgil into the cramped pod, his sonic screwdriver humming as he aimed it at the control panel. One hand pressed firmly against the wall, steadying the trembling shoulder beneath it.

“Virgil, you need to calm down. They can sense your fear,” Logan urged, his voice low but firm.

Virgil’s gasping breaths fanned against Logan’s chest, the closeness making every exhale impossible to ignore. With his hands braced on the wall on either side of Logan, Virgil seemed to fight for distance in the impossibly tight space.

The look in Logan's eyes softened, returning his sonic screwdriver to his trench coat he reached his hand to Virgil's chin. “I apologize, but this will help you calm down—quickly.”

Virgil met Logan's eyes with wide ones, tensing briefly as the other slowly leaned in for a kiss. 

When their lips met Virgil could feel the calm beats of Logan's two hearts, the two in sync with one another. The feeling caused Virgil's own to begin to steady, the kiss grounding him in a way he knew no human touch could compare to. As the gentle kiss lingered Virgil’s body began to melt and his cheeks began to warm. A whine of protest escaped him when Logan finally pulled away.

A crimson flush blossomed on Virgil’s cheeks as Logan chuckled softly.

“Better?” Logan asked, lowering his hand while his eyes searched Virgil’s.

Virgil hesitated, his fingers brushing his neck before he ducked his head against Logan’s chest. “Better,” he mumbled, his voice barely above a whisper, carried away by the quiet murmur of Logan’s twin hearts.

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

I was tagged by @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove and I felt like some public masochism so here we are!

Edit: Holy fuck this got long, putting it under a read-more.

How many works do you have on ao3?

258 although I orphaned 100 works back in 2020.

What's your total Ao3 word count?

Why. Why would you ask me this. Why would you do this to me.

4,578,245 - although I shudder to think how much it will have gone up by the end of the year.

What fandoms do you write for?

Mostly 9-1-1, but I took a nosedive into Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves last year and still have one more fic I'm writing for it. I tend to have quick little detours into other fandoms, which I think is overall a good thing since it helps me flex my writing muscles with different characters and settings. I'm currently working on a fic that is from a show where the main characters are all constantly sassing each other and bickering, and it's pushed me into being witty and sharp with the dialogue and humor in a way that I don't think I have been in quite some time.

Top 5 Fics by Kudos:

Even Steel Blades Need Fire - that's right, a WITCHER fic. HA. You all weren't expecting that!

Leading with the Left - yeah yeah we all knew this one was coming.

Drowning in Dreams (You're My Raft) - I'm constantly surprised this little oneshot I wrote post-tsunami is so popular.

Footprints are More Easily Seen in the Snow - my first Witcher fic I ever wrote and might still actually be my favorite.

Sometimes a Hammer, Sometimes a Lockpick - another Witcher fic! I had a lot of fun with this one.

Do you respond to comments?

I do! I try to respond to every comment I get. I know not everyone can but given the anxiety I know readers have around giving comments I try to show how much every comment is appreciated by me.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I do happy endings, overall, but every once in a while I decide to be evil, so it's a tie between the two fics that are about a character dying:

The Soft Goodbye - a Timeless fic that focuses on the idea that time travel, like being in space for a long time, wreaks havoc on your body.

Full Circle - a Doctor Who fic written years ago speculating about the Doctor gifting a dying Donna her memories back so they can say goodbye.

For those of you in the 9-1-1 fandom however, since I'm sure everyone's looking at those two fics going "wait what," the fic with the angstiest ending is:

I'm Not Breathing Unless I'm Giving You CPR - spoiler alert, but I end this fic on an angsty and purposefully ambiguous note. It's up to the reader to decide what sort of ending they get.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Uh. All of them, I'd say? With the exception of the two MCD fics above, I deliver happy endings. However based on reader feedback, I think I'll go with...

Your Love is an Oil Slick (It Glows Like Rainbows, It Stains My Soul) - the amount of angst in this fic, especially the Bobby and Buck relationship, seems to hit readers extra hard and so the happy ending, especially Buck's reunion with his father figure, is extra joyful and cathartic.

Do you get hate on fics?

I have once in a blue moon gotten "flames," as we used to say. Writing fanfic since I was thirteen, I don't think it's possible to fully avoid a few cranky people with nothing better to do than go around and shit on people's beds. But I've been extraordinarily lucky in the love and kindness I've gotten from my readers.

Do you write smut?

Baby, it's what I'm known for. Honestly sometimes to my chagrin - I hope people enjoy my worldbuilding, characterization, and plots as well - but overall I have a lot of fun writing smut and I love reducing people to slack-jawed water-chugging babbles.

Also someone had to bring the monsterfucking around here so by golly I'm reporting for duty.

Craziest crossover?

I don't do crossovers.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yup! Someone stole my Budde Porn Star AU and turned it into a Rooster/Hangman from TG:M fic. Someone kindly alerted me and I was able to report it to Ao3. Truly a surreal experience.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I have! Multiple times. It's deeply flattering and I really admire translators who put in the work to take something from one language and convey the same meanings, flow, and story in another. Translation is a genuine art form, if you ask me.

Have you co-written a fic before?

Yes! A few times, all with my beloved @extasiswings. We did one Timeless fic together whispers like poetry and we had such fun that when I started my first long, plot-ty Buddie fic I Hit the Accelerator (But the Car was in Reverse) and panicked, I roped her into finishing it with me.

We also co-wrote Carbon Date Me, Excavate Me because I was in a bad writing slump and she graciously made everything better, and then A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words (But Love is Undefinable) because she uno reverse'd me.

All time favorite ship?

I've been shipping for so long it's incredibly hard to pick just one, but I think given the sheer depth of my insanity, I have to say Buddie. I haven't had a ship grip me like this in... ever, actually. Honestly after being burned hard on some previous ships in my time, names redacted to protect the guilty (me), I didn't think it was possible to love a ship this much, and yet here I am.

What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I plan to finish all of my WIPs. Once I start a fic I'm committed to finishing it. I do however have a couple fic ideas that I don't think I'll ever actually write.

What are your writing strengths?

Um. Smut, apparently. I also seem to do well with fusions; that is, taking one trope or setting and fusing it with another in a sort of plot mash-up. And people seem to really like my world building.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I'm a hyper-sexual person who is very casual about sexual relationships and so sometimes I think as a result I have characters think with their cocks a bit too much and jump too quickly into sex, and sometimes there's more smut than plot. Run-on sentences, my beloved (and my editor's beloathed). I tend to write out-of-order and so sometimes little plot details can contradict, not be followed up on, or get lost in the shuffle.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

I don't really write dialogue in another language in most of my fandoms, but in a few it's come up and I've approached it in different ways.

In Timeless, the character Garcia Flynn's first language is Croatian, so I would have him sometimes speak in it. In my dragon!Jaskier series, I was able to bastardize some of the Draconic from D&D (mixed with some Germanic root languages) for when he was cursing or communicating with his draconic family. In both cases, the other language was limited to only a line or two of dialogue, or perhaps a single word, so I wrote the dialogue in that language, and then had a translation guide at the bottom of the fic.

This tends to be my modus operandi, an exception being Xenk speaking Thayan, because I couldn't find any actual Thayan for the life of me, so I just describe how the phrase sounds or allude to him muttering something/swearing/etc. Since Ed, a former spy, also speaks Thayan, he can then inform the reader through his thought-process what the Thayan meant.

Occasionally, I will have two characters speaking in another language and simply italicize their words and have a line of description saying "they switch to French" or something similar, since I don't want readers to have to scroll up and down to understand an entire conversation.

In my original novels, however - the Horsemen quartet specifically - the characters communicate about fifty percent of the time through sign language. It's become the lingua franca, because noise alerts zombies and ASL is a silent language. In the books, I write the dialogue as I would English, and simply have the dialogue tag "she signed" instead of "she said."

As someone who speaks other languages but for whom English is their first, I'm not sure I get to really speak on how and when one should use other languages in one's predominantly-English fic in a predominantly-English-speaking fandom and online space. All I can say is that I listen to what others say in regards to what is most respectful and comfortable, and I don't have any personal preference in how a writer handles the use of secondary languages in their writing.

First fandom you wrote in?

I'm not sure which came first since they were right on top of each other, but Lord of the Rings and Pirates of the Caribbean.

Favorite fic you've written?

Well that's just mean. How dare you. I don't have one favorite fic, that's like asking me to choose a favorite child.

I will say I am particularly fond of In the Gray You are Golden. I banged it out in a day in some kind of fugue state and I do think it's one of my best works.

Someday when I am filthy rich I will commission someone to draw it as a comic, especially the reunion scene between Buck, Eddie, and Christopher.

Tagging, with no pressure:

@princessfbi @buckttommy @extasiswings @kitkatpancakestack @gracieryder (once again I typed your fucking old url like five times...)

aaaaaaand @givemeunicorns.

[tesnuzzik]

Hellow! I subscribed to you a long time ago. Back in the days when you published the Dragomatsu comic. I still adore this AU of yours. As far as I understand, you are no longer planning to work on this project. Could you briefly tell us what events were going to happen next in this comic?

Hi! Thank you for still following me even though I didn't update anymore <3 It's true, I'm not going to continue working on the comic. I'm currently working on an original comic (close to finishing the first page), doing two at the same time would be impossible;; (and the Dragonmatsu comic would have been much to big to ever finish anyway). I don't mind telling what I was planning with it though! (It's been a while and I didn't write everything down, but I'll do my best to try and remember). I'll try to keep it as short as possible;; xD --- From the final page I posted: Jyushimatsu would get taken away by the knights at the announcement, and Osomatsu rushes to try and bail him out (this is when he'd meet (the old version of) my oc Fenric for the first time). Jyushimatsu ends up getting away with a warning, mostly because the king wants to keep peace with the dragons. After this chapter, I had a whole story planned out where Jyushimatsu would get very ill, but no doctor would be willing to help except Dekapan (who's not fully recognized as a doctor with his weird magic potions). It turns out Jyushimatsu was poisoned by an angry villager, making the Matsus more aware that some humans *really* don't want them there (Oso starts turning really protective because of this as well). At some point, the king gets sick and passes away, and the prince takes over. He hates dragons due to trauma (if you look at the panel where he's upset in chapter 3, you can see that he misses a finger). Vitharr (the big red haired oc dude) decides to use that to his advantage and makes a plan where he will frame the Matsus for setting off a fire during the coronation festivities, turning most of the village against them and having the new king abolish the laws protecting (half)dragons. Vitharr ends up getting a position among the knights (And general Muno leaves, as she doesn't agree with what is happening), but he leaves his old crew behind who decide to try and capture the Matsus before he could (and get the reward). They end up causing the Matsu's house to burn down, but the Matsus escape and decide to flee the village.

This would be the end of the "first part" of the story, after this the Matsus would wander a dangerous forest while being hunted down by Vitharr (who was forced to team up with Fenric, a mage with an obsession with dragon magic). They would discover much more about their powers, where they came from, etc. Osomatsu grew to distrust humans, Karamatsu would have a bunch of old trauma to work through, Choromatsu and Todomatsu would have a lot of issues adjusting to the new situation (in their own ways), and Ichimatsu and Jyushimatsu's powers would end up clashing and causing issues in their relationship. I didn't write most of the latter stuff down so I don't remember all of it ;w; I think I had plans for the Matsus to all meet a full dragon of their own element at some point? Like the test comic I made with Karamatsu and the dragon in the big whirlpool... If you want to know about more specific stuff, just let me know! It's fun to go back to an old project like that sometimes, haha!

(edit!) Here are two unfinished pages for chapter 3

[a-case-of-the-ace]

Fic writer interview :D

Thank you @eoinmcgonigal for the tag!!

Welp let's see how this goes. I've been doing the writing thing for a little over two years, I think? Time has flown and I have done... little.

How many works do you have on AO3? 21.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 57,611. None of which have reached over the 12,000 mark.

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? Something, Old, New, Broken and Blue at number 1, followed by Something Precious, a Bold Beginning, My Soul Says Ouch and Match Made in Vain. The top 3 are for Stranger Things, and the 4th and 5th are for Mafia: Definitive Edition. I reckon the top ones are at the top mainly because they're a bigger fandom.

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? I do, I'm always so happy when I get them, but I worry I sound like a broken record. there's only so many ways to thank someone for reading and commenting, even though I'm overjoyed every time it happens.

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? Possibly Ready for Table for Doctor Who's The Two Doctors, since that doesn't end in a good spot for the main character, but the canon story has a good ending, so you know it's going to be ok. Probably Bon Appetit, for Mafia: DE, since it's a dark yandere cannabilism fic.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending? That's a tough one, most of mine have happy endings. Possibly My Soul Says Ouch, since the characters spend so long pining over each other before getting together? Also my only polyam fic, (or at least where it's not just implied) so 50% extra love?

7. Do you write crossovers? I haven't, none have really occurred to me. I don't usually read them either, but if it's done well, I'll read it.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic? Not hate per se, but I did have one commenter who didn't like some things, and told me I could change things, and didn't need to stick to the canon. I quite liked my choices, though, and so did other kinder commenters. I do the fic for me, first and foremost.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Not in anything I've posted, but I'm currently writing a Galavant fic that has some, for angst reasons. I did have a tad in A Bold Beginning, but I danced around the subject so much that I don't think it counts. I'm ace, which I don't think helps much, I'm basing most of it off of what I've read.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I'm aware of.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated? Nope. Wouldn't mind if someone did though.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Nope.

13. What’s your all-time favourite ship? Mega tough one. Good Omens got me into it, but I haven't read much of them. Stobotnik, since I only watched the films for them? Two/Jamie? I read a lot of Johnlock, but that was ages ago. Geraskier? I think I just binge a ship and return to it if I really liked it. Depends if the ship's small or big, I guess.

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? I had a mermaid!Tommy au I tried to get going for a long while, but kept getting stuck on logistics. An omegaverse mafia fic, an angsty guilt fic, and even a fic for Forever (TV show from 2014). Plus a bunch of ideas that hit while I was writing something else, and I'd lost the fixation by the time I finished. There's still a few sticky notes with ideas in my phone, from inspo at work. I think I get a lot more ideas than I manage to write :(

15. What are your writing strengths? Beginnings. I love nothing more than going "Bang! Here's what's happening." Otherwise, I dunno what my strengths might be. Writing in full sentences for the first draft?

16. What are your writing weaknesses? Hanging on to the motivation to finish a fic. Not using a variation of the phrase "All they could do was hope." Nearly put that in thrice in three chapters by mistake, I'm sure it's getting old. Motivation for sure though, I miss the days when I was writing tropey one-shots, at least they were one and done.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? I haven't really had a need to do it, and would worry about formatting if I did. Closest I've had to this was a heavily accented character, but I didn't really know how to write an accent and so I didn't write it in. Not sure if I'd do it that way again, but it made it easier.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for? Mafia: Definitive Edition. Wrote my first fic in one of my last year 12 math classes. Also the fandom that made me switch from looking at tumblr on Pinterest to actually being on tumblr. There wasn't enough content, so I had to go searching, and then make my own.

19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to? Really want to throw my hat into the ring on Wez/The Golden Youth, from Mad Max 2, but the only ideas I have for them are really long. Other ones I've considered writing include Forever, Red Dwarf, Sportarobbie from Lazytown, Johnny/Reg from SAS Rogue Heroes and Jude/Cardan from The Cruel Prince.

20. What’s your favourite fic you’ve written? I'm really liking the Galavant fic I'm writing at the moment, mainly because it's shamelessly self-indulgent. Probably one of my Mafia fics, Chosen by the Life, Choking on my Love or Bring Me Home. It's been a while since I've read my own stuff, this has been a real trip down memory lane.

Desperately trying to remember people who write so I can tag them... I'm so bad at names, if I miss you I'm sorry. And I may not know you at all well so I apologise if you find this weird.

@feline-ranger @iiep-wop @lilies-in-a-vase @somethingaboutamagpie @ihni

[my-ghost-monument]

fic writer 20 questions!

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

30! all one-shots

2.  what's your total AO3 word count?

111,322

3. what fandoms do you write for?

Most recently it's been only Doctor Who (thasmin my loves <3), but ATLA and Torchwood are also frequently written for. I've done a few for one-off fandoms like Pirates of the Caribbean, Psycho-Pass, She-ra (2018) as well, and hopefully sometime next year will be adding another fandom to this list!

4. what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

All ATLA works that I wrote during 2020, so of course they got high, lol. Instead of listing those out, I'm going to give the top fic in each fandom I've wrote more than one fic for, just for some fandom variety:

ATLA: give it oxygen

Doctor Who: in another time

POTC: Call of the Sea

Torchwood: inconvenient situations

5. do you respond to comments? why or why not?

I do normally, because I love comments and getting to thank/discuss stuff with people, but this year I've been really bad at it (a massive flare of social anxiety) but hoping to catch up with all of the ones I've gotten before the end of the year!

6. what's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Maybe ice cream, if only because that's canon compliant to TPOTD which of course has Yaz and the Doctor part forever. Otherwise, I don't really do super angsty endings, more like gentle future angst reminders (more so for the thasmin fics because that's just the vibe I love doing for them).

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Maybe summer blooms, my atla maiko opus, since the ending being happy is a pretty big part of that fic.

8. do you get hate on fics?

No, thankfully.

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

Not really that kind of writer! If anything, I prefer vague metaphors/implications.

10. do you write crossovers? what's the craziest one you've written 11. have you ever had a fic stolen? 12. have you ever had a fic translated? 13. have you ever cowritten a fic before?

As with @dancingonmoonbeams who I got this game off of, I'll group these together since the answer's no to all.

14. what's your all-time favorite ship?

Probably Yaz and the Thirteenth Doctor tbh. Though Mai and Zuko hold a very special place in my heart (I blog more of them over on my other blog @drowning-in-cacophony ).

15. what's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

My Finnick survives AU fic for The Hunger Games! It's a one-shot but it's giving me the worst trouble and I've been stuck on it for like two years. I'd love to do it though, since it's mostly about Annie (her POV too) and I love her.

16. what are your writing strengths?

I'd say metaphors, interesting sentences that stick in people's heads, and characterisation too.

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

I think my work often ends up 'top heavy', where the top will be full of descriptions and actions and build up, and comparitively the ending is a little shorter of a stop.

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I don't know another language, and I wouldn't want to butcher one with a translating energy. If I needed another language, I think I'd do the whole 'they said in [language] but written in english' thing.

19. first fandom you wrote for?

Agents of SHIELD, back in my ff.net days!

20. favorite fic you've ever written?

I love all my fics so, so dearly, but. maybe blue hour for thasmin? That fic reads like my dream fic honestly. (which is what I wanted when I wrote it)

tagging any mutuals/followers who want to do this!

[whats-wild-to-you]

Dr. Daredevil (Jay Park AU)

Jaebeom

The blood in my veins turned to ice when my eyes landed on her. Even though she stood several feet away from me, I was still able to recognize her.

Her whole attitude changed when she realized I was walking right up to her. I knew she expected me to recognize her, to greet her, but I wouldn't. Couldn't, actually. Not when my career, my whole existence was on the line.

What the hell is she doing here?

A week went by before I saw Chaeyeon again. I was turning the corner when I saw her examining the OR board. Then she grabbed a piece of chalk and put her name on my surgery.

I don't think so, sweetheart!

The coast was clear when I approached the OR board, looking left and right to make sure I was really alone, before I erased her name.

The next time I walked past the OR board I saw her name again.

"Stupid woman!" Instead of erasing it again, I called my nurse and had her push the surgery back. There was no way I would let Baek Chaeyeon into my OR.

Getting rid of that pesky woman proved to be more difficult than I thought. The next morning I saw her running after me, getting onto the same elevator.

"Any interesting surgeries planned for today?" She asked, and I had to hold myself back from rolling my eyes at her.

Would she ever give up?

"Sorry. My OR is full." The doors of the elevator opened, and I escaped immediately, my feet instinctively carrying me far far away from her.

Fortunately I didn't run into her anymore that day. Hours later I got word that she was in the OR.

Good, at least now she won't come and ask me for OR time.

Late at night I packed up my things, ready to leave. I needed to talk to my grandfather. This situation with Chaeyeon could easily get out of control and he was the only one who could do something about it.

"Well, she needs to get fired then!" My grandfather remarked dryly as soon as I had finished briefing him about Chaeyeon.

"Fire her?"

I didn't intend to sound so shocked but I guess I felt some kind of pity for her. When I entered the parking garage, I caught her talking on the phone with someone. As I listened in, I realized she must've been talking to her bank. If she had money problems, firing her wouldn't exactly bode well.

"What do you suggest?" My grandfather snarled, but I remained quiet. This was one of his rhetorical questions. He didn't actually need my input. "That we let her into your OR so she can destroy you and the family name?"

"I'll come up with something! Don't do anything for now."

Two Years Ago

"There was nothing you could've done. The patient was very sick when he came to us, you knew this. We did our best. It's not your fault he died during surgery."

Except that it was!

I was only in my second year of residency, still wet behind the ears, but I had to act haughty and refuse Dr. Song's help.

"Dr. Park, you got this, right?" He had asked me the day before the surgery.

"Of course!" I had replied full of confidence.

I didn't have it.

My palms were sweaty, my hands shaking so much I couldn't hold the instruments still long enough to cut out the patient’s tumor.

An experienced doctor, a capable doctor, would be done by now, a small voice in my head said mockingly.

I looked up, locking eyes with Nurse Jung. Two years ago when I had started my internship, I had met her at a bar not too far from the hospital. We both got drunk and I ended up in her bed and in her, well, in her.

Seeing her a few weeks later in the hospital, I wanted the earth to swallow me, but then she approached me first, letting me know she wasn't angry that I never called her back.

Soon I found out that she could be of great assistance to me. She had actually gone to med school, but had to drop out. She never told me the reason why, but it didn't matter anyway. What mattered was that she knew a lot, much more than me, and was irreplaceable in my OR. From then on I requested her for all of my surgeries, sparking rumors among the hospital staff that we might be lovers.

‘Dr. Song, don't worry. None of the rumors are true! She's just a really good nurse and we work really well together.’

Dr. Song had hired me on the spot. No probation. I had my grandfather to thank for that, which meant he probably dished up Dr. Song some pretty impressive lies about my qualifications.

The old man never seemed to care about how I would cope with things. How I would make the other doctors and the patients believe in those lies.

I was supposed to be a great surgeon. A prodigy. In reality I was just mediocre. At best.

"Well, then take her. I trust in your abilities Dr. Park. Maybe I should give you both a raise?" He joked and I bowed my head before leaving his office.

~

"Dr. Park, good morning!"

A very chipper Nurse Jung walked up to me, taking the briefcase off my hands.

"Your bypass surgery has been pushed back. There's an emergency patient waiting for you in OR 3." She spoke low, her voice calm but firm. Reassuring.

"I see."

"The patient is prepped. We're ready for you."

"The usual team?"

"Of course."

I quickly entered the locker room, changing into my scrubs. While in med school, I was dreaming every day about those scrubs. Back then, they were like a superhero uniform to me. Now they suffocated me.

Stepping out of the locker room, I glanced to my left and right.

"Dr. Park!"

Great! Of all times she had to run into me now!

"Not now, Dr. Baek, I'm busy!"

I didn't even give her a chance to speak. I knew I had to steer clear of Baek Chaeyeon. I just didn't know how I would do it!

After inhaling a few deep breaths, I pushed the door to the OR open.

I scanned the room. They were all here. Nurses Jung and Choi and the man of the hour.

Dr. Kang.

"Good morning, everybody! Let's get started."

Nurse Jung stood to my right, while Dr. Kang and Nurse Choi stood on the other side of the table.

The patient was already put under when Nurse Jung handed me the scalpel. She whispered in my ear, guiding my hand to where I needed to make the incision.

"There!"

I felt it too and started cutting a 7-inch long incision line. Then Jung handed me the rib spreader and I felt the bile in my mouth. I placed it inside the patient's sternum and slowly spread his ribs.

Dr. Kang was watching my every move, his hands fidgety to snatch the scalpel off my hand.

"What now?" I mumbled and felt all eyes on me.

"Now you take a step back and let me operate."

Sighing a breath of relief, I took several steps back, while Dr. Kang and the two nurses hovered over the patient.

"You know, when I say step back, I don't mean for you to actually stand in the corner. You can still watch, maybe you'd learn a thing or two!" Dr. Kang mumbled behind his surgical mask and I knew exactly he was smiling.

"Why? I have you!"

Dr. Kang's hands paused for a second as he looked up to me. "Yeah, but for how long?"

On the outside it looked like me and Kang Hyuntae were friends. Colleagues thought I was Hyuntae's mentor. Only he and I knew what our relationship was really like.

Kang Hyuntae was talented, hard-working and a fast learner. Due to personal reasons he tanked his intern year and had to take his intern exam twice. From then on he was regarded as unreliable and lazy. But I knew what he was capable of, I knew I needed him on my team.

We started our internship together and at first I didn’t know that about his failed intern exam. I just knew he was already a much better doctor than me. I befriended him, and a few months later introduced him to my grandfather. He did a thorough background check on him and knew he had financial problems.

My grandfather offered to sponsor Kang Hyuntae in return for him lending me his hands.

Kang Hyuntae agreed immediately and so our special relationship began. As soon as Nurses Jung and Choi had been vetted by my grandfather as well, he spread the word about his genius grandson working at SNUH. Patients from all over the country came to Seoul to see me, get a consultation from me, and be operated on by me.

It gave my ego a boost, but every night when I lied awake in my bed I was disgusted with myself. I was nothing. A quack. Kang Hyuntae was the star and at first I would sing him praises. But as time passed by, fame and image got into my head. I started believing my own lies. I was a medical prodigy. I was a God. The only time I would be humbled down was in the OR. Whenever I saw into Kang Hyuntae's eyes, I was reminded of who all the praise really belonged to.

Lately I had noticed a shift in Hyuntae's behavior. He was growing frustrated, agitated and restless. He had performed countless surgeries, and yet I had earned all the praise. He realized that as long as he worked with me, for me, he would never receive the recognition he deserved. In short, he was a ticking time bomb.

Chaeyeon

I exited the OR at the same time a young surgeon exited OR 3.

He cleared his throat and introduced himself to me.

"I think we haven't met yet. I'm Kang Hyuntae."

"Baek Chaeyeon."

Something about his name sounded familiar. Initially I couldn't remember where I've heard it before but then it dawned on me.

Every time Park Jaebeom's name showed up on the OR board, so did his.

"Did you just come out of Dr. Park's OR?"

"Huh? Oh, yes, yes. He needed an extra set of hands." Dr. Kang said, but was completely avoiding eye contact.

"See ya!" He waved at me, then disappeared.

For a moment I thought about waiting for Jaebeom to finish his surgery but since I didn't know how long it would take, the idea seemed incredibly stupid.

When I finally got off work I let myself get persuaded to join Ahn So Hee and Yoon Ahnjong for after-work drinks in the nearby bar. They had both taken pity on me, stating that it is important to have a little fun after work.

"All the hot doctors frequent there." So Hee winked at me.

If that was the case I was sure I'd run into Park Jaebeom sooner or later. Maybe that was worth checking the place out.

After ordering a round of drinks, we all sat at a table, Ahnjong's stare fixed on the entrance. I was sitting next to her and every time someone entered she would whisper his name in my ear.

"Are only doctors coming in here? I don't want to date someone from work!"

That was not entirely true but I was tipsy so I was blabbing.

When the door opened again I saw Kang Hyuntae walk in. Immediately Ahnjong leaned towards me.

"This is Kang Hyuntae, he's Park J-"

"I know. I've met him."

Drunk as I was, I waved him over to our table, the eyes of Ahnjong and So Hee threatening to bulge out of their sockets.

"Good evening, ladies!"

"Join us!" I slurred loudly and several heads turned in my direction. Kang Hyuntae smiled and sat down next to So Hee, who by the looks of it was close to hyperventilating.

I didn't blame her. Dr. Kang was tall, with long, wavy black hair and a nice body.

When I saw him earlier in his scrubs I couldn't tell just how ripped he was. But the tight white shirt he was wearing now left little to the imagination.

I saw him watching me closely as I downed my Vodka sour and went to the bar for more. I walked away from the table, intentionally swaying my hips more than was necessary, and heard him almost choking on his drink.

When I walked back to our table he was gone and when I asked if he would come back, both So Hee and Ahnjong shook their heads.

"His master called him." So Hee slurred.

"His master?"

"Dr. Park." Ahnjong clarified. "You cut me off earlier when I wanted to tell you. Hyuntae is Dr. Park's friend."

"Friend ..."

"They're inseparable."

"Is that so! But why did you say master and not friend?"

Suddenly I wanted to learn more about this Kang Hyuntae and his relationship to Jaebeom. There was something mysterious about him, that much I knew.

-> next chapter

[the-whispers-of-death]

*chanting* angst angst angst angst angst !!!!!!!!! YEAHHHH !!! i love to see it,,

butcher's telling me he feels no shame at all, and in the end, he tells me hes close to tolerating stone now just for being ballsy, but like i wouldnt be surprised if he's also the reason dominic ends up getting fired too

sylvester's just looking at mārīte and laila like "just.. go to kali's for the night.. no, 2 days. okay? i dont want you two anywhere near the house for a little while. i'll let him know you two are on the way. we'll talk about this later... i dont like this either, but i have no answers."

he also just ends up calling a cab for dominic. sylvester doubts stone wants any workers/friends staying overnight (like how dominic usually would if the weather's shit or if he stayed too late)

so he just goes back to the kitchen, quietly finishes up making what would have been the family dinner, and just passes out on the couch. the lights are all still on but he doesnt care at that moment

i'd say he attempts to talk to stone trough the door, but he doubts there will be any answer, so he just sends in monster. maybe she'll at least be comforting to him :(

I feel like for two days, the door to the bedroom is locked until the third day and it opens when Sylvester tries the doorknob. And Stone's not there, he's left through the window and the only things in the bedroom is all of Sylvester's clothes and some of Stone's. There's an envelope on the bed that's filled with cash, Stone's keys to his jeep and the keys to the house and barn, and a folded letter.

The letter reads:

Dear Sylvester,

I'm sorry for leaving in the middle of the night, my beloved, but I can't stay here. I keep seeing my dead father when I try to sleep and I keep hearing the gunshot that killed him. And... I can't help but feel angry that you're friends with the man who killed my father.

I know I shouldn't be angry at you, but I am. My heart is full of anger and I don't know who to be angry with. So I left before I could lash out at you or the girls.

I don't know when I'll be back... If I'm ever back. I don't know, I don't know anything right now. All I know is that I need to go away. Don't try to find me.

I've managed to contact Heartthrob's old Corpsman, Bear, and he's agreed to take on the duties that I normally would do around the ranch and he's a damn good doctor if you all ever need one. There's an envelope with Dominic's full severance package, though if you decide to keep him on in spite of all that's happened, that's your choice.

Tell our daughters I love them and I'm sorry for not saying goodbye to them. I hope I find my way back home, but with all I'm feeling at the time of me writing this, I don't know if I will.

Butcher always did say you should ditch me and perhaps he was right about it. Perhaps I was wrong to think that I could live a normal, happy life with a loving family. I'm a stain in any family, it's been proven several times before.

I do love you, enough to let you go and find someone better if that's what you wish. You always deserved more than I could give you. Stay safe for me, please.

Forever yours,

Vikram Mishra

He wrote a long-ass letter. (I'm so sorry, the length of it all is funny to me.) Oh and look, Bear's finally incorporated in this AU. I wish Stone didn't leave, but that was all he was telling me. Didn't even tell me where he left.

But also, he left the keys to his jeep, so like how far could he have gotten?

Let's chalk up the lengthy letter that's lowkey all over the place and the lack of planning Stone did to him making a very impulsive decision.

[the-unspeakable-tsar]

X-Manson - Chapter 3 by Doctor Benway - Annotated by Tsar

We are introduced to an x-character almost Nobody talks about and an avenger, nobody talks about. That's right, everyone Firestar and Vance Astro.

[Shot of a couple in a very high-tech space, also presumably underground. They're both in spandex, and both look very fit and very white in a sort of Middle American kind of way. Somehow, it is also obvious that they're not the brightest bulbs in the chandelier.]

*Doctor Benway: These two are the dumbest motherfuckers to ever exist.

[Caption: Vance and Angelica Astrovik, Avengers; New York, NY]

Angelica Jones, Firestar and Vance Astro, Justice. I don't care for Vance. But, curiously, The Avengers are present in some form in this au. You would think that this is a world that cant sustain them and we know very little of their full roster.

VA: We got picked up at the airport by Scott Summers. He picked up Doug from the bus station in White Plains on the way.

Int: Did you sense anything ususal?

AA: Summers kind of weirded us out. He didn't say anything. He was waiting for us, holding up a sign with my name on it as I came off the plane. Vance was there with him. It's how we met.

VA: I was so glad to see you. Summers had met my plane an hour earlier and hadn't said anything to me. I asked him some questions, but he just dismissed everything I said with a Yes or a No until I gave up.

Int: Did you have any idea of what awaited you at the house?

VA: We were pretty nervous, but we had no idea what was coming.

AA: No idea at all.

[Shot: Doug & Marie-Ange Ramsey]

DR: If I had been religious, I'd have said it was like something out of Hell. Going there totally killed off any belief I'd had that there was a God. No God would have allowed that place to exist.

*Dramatic young man.

MAR: But you didn't know that then.

DR: No, not then. Not on that visit.

Int: Did you see anything that disturbed you?

DR: Nothing, at first. On the drive in, I met Vance and Angie, but we were all kind of nervous. Summers kind of projected this weird cone of silence, and I didn't even ask them their names until we got to the School. Xavier and McCoy met with me in this really slick office. Xavier asked me some questions, but he seemed kind of pre-occupied and not really interested. McCoy was the one who really took an interest and asked all the questions.

Int: What kind of questions?

DR: Going-to-the-doctor-type questions. Height, weight, blood type, any loathsome diseases, all that kind of thing. I suppose I should be glad I've still got all my original parts.

*asking questions before removing organs.

Int: Do you think that Xavier tried to take control of your mind?

DR: Someone was sure trying to do something. It felt like a worm was trying to crawl around in my head, but as soon as I'd think that I'd forget it. It was weird.

Int: But you still felt that you were in control.

DR: I still was. I'm resistant. Almost all the survivors were. If you had no innate defenses, there was no protection. I've got protection now. This entire house is a Faraday cage, buried 10 feet below the ground. No psi is ever going to get in here.

Int: You still worry about an attack?

DR: I won't risk it. Never again.

MAR: It won't. I'm sure that our guest would like to know what happened next.

DR: We had a tour of the grounds, which I thought was kind of weird, because I wanted to see what was inside. Computers, science labs, that sort of thing. Instead they showed us the forest and the lake and the boathouse.

Int: Did you meet any of the staff?

DR: Jean Grey, Summers, Logan, McCoy, the Irish guy, the Russian guy and his sister. There were two students there, Sam Guthrie and the one I'll call Psyche. Besides me, there were three other kids visiting. Vance, Angelica and David.

Irish Guy, Sean Cassidy Banshee

Russian Guy, Piotr Rasputin, Colossus

His "sister", Illyana Rasputina(?)

Sam Guthrie, Cannonball

Psyche, Dani Moonstar

David Haller, Legion.

My poor girls and Sam are here in this terrible place.

Int: David Lehnsherr?

DR: Yes.

[georgiapeach30513]

Will little princess get pregnant? Maybe they know who is the father or maybe they don't know it's Ari's or Curtis...

I was honestly okay whether Little Princess got pregnant or not, but it seems the consensus is that she should. With that being said, I mentioned on some drabble, that Ari got a vasectomy shortly after he found Laurie. He didn't want to procreate at that time because he assumed his child would have the severe issues Andy has. Curtis has never really thought much about kids because he never saw himself with someone long enough to have children. And then Little Princess came along. Ari has a HUGE breeding kink. Even though he was terrified to "spread his seed" he's so good with kids. He's Uncle Airy to ALL the Drysdale kids.

🖤🖤🖤🖤

Breeding Space

Summary: Ari and Curtis' Little wants a baby

Pairings: Ari Levinson X Little Princess!Reader X Curtis Everett

Rating: mild

Warnings: talks of pregnancy, talks of breeding kink, 18+ ONLY

Word Count: 400

Desperate Lives AU Masterlist

Ari & Curtis Masterlist

An arm slung over Ari's belly as you lay on top of his chest, while Curtis body curls up behind you. His arm draped over your body, his hand resting on Ari's stomach. Between Curtis' warmth and the beat of Ari's heart, you begin getting tired. The three of you had a very long and intense session, and you're left filling full.

The thought of them fully being in you, breeding you, making you their own had been weighing on you heavily. It was something you could tell Ari enjoyed teasing, but none of you had ever discussed it in earnest.

"Maybe," you start. Your voice trailing away when Curtis kisses up your back. "Maybe I should have my IUD removed."

You stunned the two of them silent, neither of them so much as hum. Ari pulls a bit on your hair, to tilt your neck back to look at him. "Why's that?"

"That's a silly question."

"I want you to vocalize what it is you want."

"All your kinky teasing, it got me thinking," you pause, wanting either one of them to say something anything, but they don't. "I would like to have a baby with you. Both of you."

"Princess, while not entirely impossible, I got fixed years ago. It would have to get it reversed, and even then there's no guarantee. Is...do you want a baby or are you just saying that because of the things I say during sex?" there's no emotions on his face, and Curtis still clings to your back quietly. His lips randomly ghosting up your bare skin.

"Both."

"The things I've said, when I get into that breeding space, it made you think about having a baby?" you give him a slow nod. "And with that thinking what did you decide?"

"That I want a baby with the two of you. I love you both."

"I can have kids," Curtis' deep voice rumbles your back. Ari's free hand grabs tightly to his. "I can't lie, watching the two of you when Ari gets in that space, it made me think too."

"So Ari goes to the doctor, and then we just start," it seems like a logical plan. Makes sense to you.

"Or, we can just rely on me."

"I want you both. I don't have to decide during my everyday life, and I'm not deciding with our babies."

"Okay, Princess. I'll go to the doctor."

Masterlist

[britishsass]

what's your favourite doctor who episode from each season

Let me see-- I've only seen up to Season 10 (And only a couple of that one) so I'll do my best.

The End of the World OR The Empty Child/Doctor Dances. I know it's not the ones with the Slitheen, but I also love Rose, Father's Day, and the finale. This season has some great ones, and unfortunately the Slitheen. I'll say... Empty Child/Doctor Dances.

Christmas Invasion, Girl in the Fireplace, Rise of the Cybermen/Age of Steel... This one's got some bangers, but unfortunately, also Love and Monsters is there. Oh, and my most terrifying monster... that'll be later. My favorite killed me the first time I saw it. It's one of two episodes that made me cry. Army of Ghosts/Doomsday.

Blink is the obvious choice, but let's think longer about it. I actually love Runaway Bride, 42, and Lazarus Experiment-- as well as the fantastic Human Nature/Family of Blood. I actually like Daleks in Manhattan/Evolution of the Daleks, but I think I have to go with the obvious. Blink.

I know which one it's not! Planet of the Ood gave me NIGHTMARES! I hate the Ood. They're the one creature that actually scare me. The Ood are at their scariest in that episode, and I cannot take it. Okay, focusing-- Voyage of the D-mned, Partners in Crime, Doctor's Daughter, Unicorn and the Wasp, Silence in the Library/Forest of the Dead, Midnight, that finale-- I don't think this season really had any weak episodes. My favorite, though, might be unexpected-- Turn Left.

(Bonus to discuss the five specials-- It's not Planet of the Dead, but I think the other four are all equally fantastic. However, this includes the first episode I ever saw: The Next Doctor.)

Eleventh Hour, Beast Below, Vincent and the Doctor... Yeah, I know the obvious option, but I think my answer will seem strange, but it's got so many good ideas AND Rory is there. Amy's Choice.

Hm, let's see. The Doctor's Wife, Good Man Goes to War, Let's Kill Hitler, Night Terrors, God Complex... I have to go with the second of the two episodes that made me actually cry. This one has the honor of doing it TWICE. The Girl Who Waited.

I've said it before, but I'll note ones I like-- Asylum of the Daleks (which I have a poster for!), Rings of Akhaten is okay but not worth all the hype imo, and Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS. I'm not a big fan of Clara, so a lot of this season falls flat to me... And then there's a perfect episode among it all. Nightmare in Silver.

(Bonus for the trio of Name, Day, and Time of the Doctor. Obviously, my favorite is Day of the Doctor-- I have a poster for it.)

Bad news, this is where my memory gets super foggy. The only one I even remember is Mummy on the Orient Express.

I still don't remember much here, but I did reference a bit from this season for my TL!Ford au-- Specifically, The Magician's Apprentice/The Witch's Familiar! My answer, though (since I like Osgood.) is Zygon Invasion/Zygon Inversion.

I only actually saw like... The first three episodes of this season. Pilot, Smile, and Thin Ice. However, I recall I loved Pilot.

I can't tell you my thoughts on the rest of the seasons, sadly. I've not had a chance to watch the rest, and the last time I saw any Doctor Who until just recently was like... four/five years ago? I remember watching it when I was doing a french project with my friend. We had to wait for our food to cook, so we just settled in to watch a couple of episodes instead. (Those episodes were Smile and Thin Ice.) I was in full cosplay as Doctor Horrible at the time, too. This probably makes my life sound even weirder.

[mortifyingideal]

i was tagged in this by the wonderful @fremulon (thanks cherry!) and accidentally deleted the whole thing twice so now i'm mostly just posting it out of spite and without a read more due to said spite. SUCK IT TUMBLR.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

I have 10 published out loud and 1 published anonymously

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

226419

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

okay so this is really only my most recent life. i have been around a lot. a lot. i was there, gandalf, during the superwholock years (and an active participant) so over the course of my life it's like

Harry Potter, Teen Titans, Sherlock, Doctor Who, Supernatural, Inception, Daredevil, The Avengers, The Musketeers, Wells & Wong Mysteries, Twin Peaks, Homestuck, Red vs Blue

but in this lifetime i'm just writing for Good Omens (and have written for DuckTales and Cruella)

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

1 — Loosely Ballroom (surprising absolutely nobody)

2 — Look Not Too Deep

3 — ergo propter hoc (okay this one is kind of a surprise actually but i'm very happy about it i love this fic)

4 — café au vin

5 — an institute you can't disparage

5. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

i do! i try to respond to every comment i get on the day of/the day after i get it. i've met a lot of good friends this way, and i also just like taking the time to respond to people who've taken the time to respond to something i made. makes me feel good (plus i want everyone to like me)

the only downside is it can get a bit overwhelming at times? particularly with LB, which gets a shitload of comments per chapter and can take me up to two full days to read through them all and answer, and if i'm having a bad brain time i just cannot face doing it. so if you've ever left a comment and i've not responded, i promise It's not because i don't appreciate it. my brain machine just was going brmmmmmmmmm.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

i was going to say NONE BECAUSE I DON'T WRITE ANGST but i guess if i had to decide it would be the RVB fic that's on my ao3 right now, which has an angstily hopeful ending.

7. Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

hahahaha

CRAZY LIKE A FOX

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

not as far as i'm aware! i have had several uhhhhhhh overly familiar meant-to-be-jovial comments on/about the above crossover from people i don't really know very well that have told me i'm a terrible person or i've committed crimes while i'm out here like, cool this is art i made and put in the world for fun and believe in and i don't really... know you? but those comments were meant in good faith imo so i don't really think it counts as hate

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

the last time i tried to write smut, crowley got stabbed, so the kind that sends people to the hospital i guess?

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not to my knowledge. good luck formatting all the images and italics, anyone who might try.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

again, not to my knowledge!

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

infamously. it's the only reason anyone might have read this far. also attempting to collaborate on an as-of-yet-unfinished-project with @indieninja92 who is a creative genius with their finger in many, many pies. speaking of, have you visited hauntedswords.com recently?

13. What’s your all time favorite ship?

errrrrr i mean probably aziraphale/crowley, not to seem obvious. they've been with me since i was like 10 years old, they haven't gone anywhere, they will probably be bothering me until the day i die.

14. What’s a WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I WILL FINISH ALL OF MY WIPs. okay no that's not true, i have the start of an inception fic that is a GO AU that i honestly think would have been fucking slammin' but the time for that has passed now.

15. What are your writing strengths?

a very definite sense of character voice, attention to detail in terms of enriching the world i'm writing in, dialogue dialogue dialogue, smash cuts (are they even called smash cuts in writing? WHATEVER THEY ARE I CAN DO THEM)

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

you are my collaborator. you send me back part of a chapter and tell me i have a sentence that is a bit too lengthy and doesn't work, and i need to edit it. i send it back to you. the sentence is now an entire paragraph and a half, with three jokes, a metaphor and a new line of dialogue embedded in it, changing the overall tone of the chapter. this is known as The Mort Special.

i also get very in my own head about not really being a good writer, or not being as good as the people (or person specifically i suppose) that i'm working with. i'm working on this! i'm not working on The Mort Special, though, that's always writing gold.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

this is a really weird and specific question, who hurt you OP? errrr i guess much like any quirk of writing, it's fine when used sparingly and with a deft hand.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

fuck me, probably Harry Potter? neopets roleplaying boards were a gateway drug.

19. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

this is the part where i pretend i'm going to say something other than Loosely Ballroom. i don't think i'll ever make something else in my life that's made me feel the way making that has. it's been—to delve into reality TV speak (and paraphrase crowley from a future chapter)—a real emotional rollercoaster.

plus it's just fuckin' funny isn't it.

tagging @phoenix-soar, @thyra279, @heycaricari, @stillseekwill and @katnoggin (and anyone else who might want to!)

[kooktaebear]

If Only I Knew

Status: ONGOING (this is my first AU AHHH I’m excited to write the next couple of parts, but I hope this story gets a lot of love :~>)

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Summary: Y/N abruptly moved to Seoul after spending 21 years living alone in her hometown, Busan after the death of her parents. She now discovers through her best friends that drama can be a lot to handle, but as she starts to meet new people, she discovers that she had completely forgotten an important part of her past.

Warnings: mention of guns, blood and violence,

Genre: angst, WHOLE LOT OF FLUFF, slow burn

Word Count: 3.2k

Part One:

I step out of the bus and a gust of cold wind hits my face as I board the train. Why did I think of not wearing enough layers in the middle of winter? I take my seat and look out the window to see the number of people who are about to board the train. I grab my phone and start listening to ILYSB. I like LANY, their music is perfect for travel.

I know this isn't such an interesting event in my life since I know that many other people have flown to see Seoul, capital of Korea but hey, give me a break. I’m finally going to meet my best friends after living alone for 4 years. This is what pays to be travelling, a provincial girl like me? I doubt I would ever survive the city life.

As a 2 hours pass, I wake up to hear the advisory that I’m about to reach Seoul.

I look out the window, close my eyes, and whisper.  

"Mom, Dad, I made it to Seoul."

I lost both my parents during a hostage that happened in our own home. My mom happened to answer the door and was shot first. The culprit saw me and asked me to go get my dad. At first I was confused, but it so happened that there was an issue with the family business and this guy was after the money. I was 13 at that time but I still couldn't figure out why something like this had to happen to our family. However, as soon as my dad had agreed to the terms of the killer, he pointed his gun at me and pulled the trigger. I closed my eyes to prepare myself for the pain that comes next but instead, I felt warm liquid on my hands and felt something heavy fall on me, it was my dad. I screamed at the sight of both my parents suddenly vanishing from this world, a sudden pain struck my chest and I couldn't breathe. I fall to the ground slowly losing my vision as I see the blue and red lights of police cars approaching my house.

"Miss? Are you okay miss?" the person right next to me calls my attention and brings me back to reality, "Oh, yes I'm fine. Have we arrived?" I look around to see almost everyone out of the train. "Would you need any help getting off? Are you new to the city?" the lady asks me. I shake my head and give her a smile as I head down the aisle to the exit.

I follow the rest of the passengers to exit the station as I turn my phone on to contact Jennie and Lisa, my two best friends. Their parents had offered to get us three an apartment we could all share just so that they could both keep me company. Lisa and Jennie aren't sisters if you were wondering, they just had agreed to live under one roof with me and I'm eternally grateful for that. Not to mention they’re idol trainees.

"Y/N?" I turn my head to see Lisa's straight black hair, "Lisa!!!" We both jump around and giggle, "Wait but where's Jennie?" "Oh, she's getting us another cab because your arrival got delayed." She helps grab my luggage and we both start catching up with each other, as if we’ve never spoken in weeks. This was the first time I had ever seen both Lisa and Jennie in person, all our moms were best friends when they were younger too but since we couldn't visit them often, we met and talked through video calls.

"Well if it isn't our beautiful foreign friend Y/N." I turn around and meet Jennie’s eyes, "JENNIE!!!" I run to hug her and Lisa joins in and I finally don't feel alone anymore. "Girls, the cab is waiting outside, we better hurry." On our way to our new apartment we were all catching up with each other as if we really didn't talk as much already. "Oh hey, Y/N you have to make sure that you're ready to go to school by 7am okay?" Jennie cheerfully said. I was so confused, school started at 8am so why would I have to be ready an hour before school when our place was literally like 10 minutes away. "Wait why do we have to be ready an hour before school? I know our place is like 15 minutes away from school. It's not like you guys take that long to fix yourselves up right?" Lisa and Jennie smiled at me suspiciously, "Well....Y/N you know, you may not know everything about us yet..." "What's there not to know? I've known you guys since the moment I was able to talk." Lisa elbowed me softly, "We’ve got new friends! Like actual men type of friends." My eyes opened wide despite the tiredness I've been experiencing,

How could these two end up befriending guys and just suddenly "forgetting" to tell me about it when they know and are fully aware that we all don’t normally interact with the opposite gender?  

"Fine, I'll be ready by 7am on Monday." I say as I roll my eyes, "YAYYY I'M SO EXCITEDDD!!!" both of them scream.

Ugh, 30 minutes have just passed since I arrived in Seoul and I'm already experiencing stress.

As soon as we got off the cab, both my friends had rushed to bring down all my belongings so that I could finally take a look at the place we rented out. Jennie reaches her hand out to me and in her palm, my key to our place. "Hey, have you guys figured out how we'll be getting to school on Monday?" Jennie giggles, "Y/N, you’re lucky we attend the same school. But the guys will pick us up! Plus..they promised to bring Jungkook." Jennie winks at me and flashes me her brightest smile.

Jungkook? I know I've heard that name somewhere, but I just can't remember where.

"We're here!!" The elevator door opens, "Apartment 735" I mutter to myself. I walk along the brightly lit corridor. "732....733...734..." I continue counting, "735!!" The girls rush to my side, "Y/N, this is your first time in our apartment, so you'll have the honor of opening the door with your key" Lisa says with a smile. I reach out for my keys, close my eyes and take a deep breath before turning the key to unlock the door. I hear the light switch turn on and I open my eyes. The apartment was beautiful. I walk in to see the kitchen, it has a small island where I could serve meals to my friends. I honestly enjoy cooking to relieve myself from whatever stresses me out, whether it be school, people or something about football. I’ve loved sports for as long as I can remember but it gets frustrating since I could be quite competitive.

I walked into the next room and I saw our living room, there was a large L-shaped sofa sitting in front of a huge television. In between the sofa and TV, I saw a small wooden table that is most probably multipurpose as being both a study desk and a place to put our snacks when we binge on shows during our free days. Beside the sofa I see a balcony that showcases a beautiful scenery of the city. I walk out and feel the cold breeze on my cheeks, I look up to the sky and I see that the sky had a welcoming gift for me as well. The stars greeted me as they shined brightly upon the night sky and I just can't help but admire the night sky. To my right, I see a bean bag that fits 2 people. I plop down to the bean bag and stargaze for a while.

Mom? Dad? I know you can hear me, I promise I'll make you proud, I'll succeed here in Seoul and become a great doctor.

"Y/N?" I snap back to reality and see Jennie’s head appear, "You haven't even seen your room yet! Come onnnnn!!" I stand back up and follow the girls in another small hallway, there I see 3 doors. "So basically, it's not that we don't want you to have your own room but we wanted one room to be our sort of walk-in closet because I mean who has not dreamed of having one?" I open the first door I see and the place is indeed full of clothes. There were 3 closets in the room, each of the closet doors have our first name initials on it to indicate who owns which closet. I laugh at my best friends, we all enjoy watching all those Barbie movies where they have spectacular closets and I guess you can say that this is the closest we can get to our childhood dreams.

I walk out of the room and take a few steps into the hallway. Lisa rushes to get past me and hold the doorknob, "Okay Y/N, this room is a little different. I know it's not really our style whatsoever but we created a study room." I scrunch my eyebrows, "A study room? Really now? For all of us or for me?" Lisa tucks a stray hair into her ear, "Well, more for you than for us since we know how hard you work and how much more you'll be working to get into med school. But it's a double purpose for a practice room for us too!" I take a step back to look at both my best friends and their grinning faces,

What did I do to deserve these two psychos in my life?

I call them in for a group hug, "You guys, I know you want to make me feel like there's nothing missing anymore in my life and I love you guys for that. I hope you all still remember I'm not a robot though and even if I'll be working hard to get into med school, I'll still be around to party and experience what any normal teenager should be experiencing." I hear Jennie sniffling at my right, "Aw Jen" I rub her back soothingly, "We know that Y/N, we just want the best for you too. We'll always be here rooting for you any time." We all take a step back, "Okay!" Lisa says, "Guys, it's our first night in our own apartment and we're already crying." Everybody laughs, "So I guess this last room is our room?" "It sure is." Jennie opens the door and I see three twin beds side by side. Just like our "walk-in closet" our first name initials are hanging above our head, brightly lit to recognize who owns which bed. I see my initial on top of the bed that lies in between both Lisa and Jennie's.

I drop my luggage off at our closet area and plop back down into the bean bag on the balcony. I take a deep breath in and close my eyes.

This is the start of my new life.

------------------------------------------------------------------

"Take my hands now, you are the cause of my euphoria"

I woke up to the sound of Euphoria, my favorite song in the whole wide-

"WHEN I’M WITH YOU I'M IN UTOPIA"

And of course, the voices of my two best friends singing their hearts out and getting the lyrics messed up.

"Y/N!!! Come on!! It's your first day of school. Did you forget about our breakfast plan?"

Right. Their so-called "breakfast plan" before school. I stand up from my bed and stretch a little before I start making my bed. I stop by the closet first and pick my outfit for today, I pick out a tied crop top, white sneakers, and jeans. I grab my bathrobe and head to the bathroom. I step into the shower and play some music that would help wake me up and get ready for the day. As I continue to wash my hair, I hear a knock on my door, 

"Y/N! Are you done?!!" 

I roll my eyes. Jeez, they finally got themselves guy friends and now they're going crazy about finishing on time. I wrap a towel around my head to dry my hair. I head back to our dressing room and open my luggage. As I look for my blow dryer and straightener, Lisa barges into the room, 

"Y/N Y/L/N, you seem to be too relaxed this morning. You have 30 minutes left to get ready and if you're not ready by then I'm going to drag you to the car." "Don't worry Jen, I'll be done on time. Now can you please stop bothering me so that I can start dressing up?"

I quickly blow dry my hair and put it up in a messy bun. With the remaining time left, this is the best I can do to tame my natural curls. I look at myself in the mirror and check to see if something is missing. I reach out to get my makeup bag and I put on a little blush and add a little lip tint. I search through my accessory bag and look for my small stud earrings. I get my glasses from the table and look at myself in the mirror once more. I'm ready for my first day of school. I leave the dressing room and meet my best friends in our kitchen. 

"Oh my goodness Y/N, let's go! We're already 5 minutes late." I grab the schoolbag I prepared last night before heading to bed and leave the apartment. We head to the basement by elevator since Lisa got her license just recently. "Wait Lisa, if you had your license already by the time you picked me up, why did you guys use a taxi to pick me up?" "Oh, uh..I was too lazy to drive that late at night so I just got us a taxi." She starts the car and we head to the exit.

It was my first time ever seeing Seoul in the morning light, the sun hit the skyscrapers so beautifully that it was as if the city was welcoming me as their new citizen. Numerous cars were already out by the time we hit the road because of the rush hour most of them were experiencing. Our school, Seoul National University was just 10 minutes away, our apartment was located a couple blocks away As I was looking out the window, I saw some sort of diner come into view. It looked huge for my definition of a diner since I always saw diners as small joints made for meals, but this diner was different. As Lisa pulled up in the parking area I could see a little bit of the inside, students like us were dining in there as well and there seemed to be a game room on the other side of the dining area.  It's around mid-February so the breeze was still cool, Busan was a little warmer during the winter so I had to find a way to adjust to the cooler weather in the city. As my friends and I make our way to the entrance, I notice three heads that turn our way. As we enter the diner however, the smell of freshly made bread, waffles, and eggs hits me and I feel my mouth water. I've been starving and I couldn't wait to try whatever the diner had been serving.

I see three boys in a booth and I make eye contact with one of them, the weird thing is...I felt butterflies in my tummy. I've seen those eyes somewhere, he feels familiar which is of course impossible because I've never met these people in my entire life.

I've never had any guy friends at all. I've always thought about making my parents proud and everything so I focused on getting good scores on all my tests so that I could get into med school. This is all so new to me...having friends of the opposite species. I mean okay, I've watched rom-coms and movies that revolve around love, seeing your friends being treated the way I see couples act in the movies is something I never thought I would be interacting with boys at this point of my life.

"Y/N? Earth to Y/N!" I snap back to reality as Jennie calls my attention. "This is Jimin, Taehyung and the guy still sitting in the booth is Jungkook." Jungkook? I think I know a Jungkook from back home but it's still pretty hard to remember a lot of things. "Sorry, I'm being rude." Jungkook stood up and walked to me, "Jungkook." He held out a hand for me to shake, "Y/N." I say in reply. As our hands touch, there's a familiar warmth that gives me goosebumps. I quickly try to mask the reddness in my cheeks. We all take a seat in the booth and based on the impression of these boys, they seem like athletes. "Hey Y/N," Jimin says, "You should try their Bacon and Waffles here. They sell out like crazy in the mornings." I take a quick glance on the menu and scan quickly for the meal Jimin was talking about. I raise my hand excitedly to call in the waitress to take our orders, "1 Bacon and Waffles, 2 Pancakes and, 3 orders of the Waffles and Chicken all with Orange Juice on the side." The waitress says, "Thanks." I give her a smile in return.

I glance back at my friends after giving the waitress the menu I was holding, Jungkook and I make direct eye contact, his big brown doe eyes, another flood of goosebumps crawl on my skin as he turns away to talk to Taehyung. Why is it that Jungkook looks at me as if he’s seen me before?

The waitress returns with the orders and I start to take a bite off my first meal of the day.

“So Y/N, how was your first night in the city?” Taehyung asked as he picked a strawberry off one of the pancakes, “I stayed up in the balcony just looking at the city lights, the stars were very bright last night. I couldn’t stay up for so long though, it got really cold.” “Y/N loves gazing at stars, she used to try to make Jen and I see the stars in Busan every time we video called.” Lisa says giggling, Jimin gasps and turns to point at Jungkook while eating his waffle, “Jungkook used to drag us out of our homes just to meet at a park to stargaze!” Jungkook shyly looks away and takes a sip of his juice, “Yah” he finally speaks, “You make me sound like a really weird kid Hyung” I laugh at his statement, “Don’t be too embarrassed Kook, looking at the stars are my favorite past time” He tenses up with the nickname as he looks at me, I realize I just gave this guy a nickname on the first day we met. Shit. “Uh, is it okay that I call you Kook?” He nods in return as a smile crept onto his face.

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[angellesword]

SAVE ME | KTH (09)

Summary: You were determined to kill yourself, but what would happen when instead of ending your life, you ended up summoning the devil of death?

Alternatively:

The Devil: I’m here to ruin you, I’m here to save you.

Genre: Demon au, e2l, angst, fluff, roommate au

Pairing: Devil!Taehyung x Doctor!Reader

Word Count: 3k

Warnings: bullying (verbal and physical) blood, mention of demons’ power, death (heart attack)

SERIES: CHAPTER 8 | CHAPTER 10

*unedited*

*** i bet you’re not expecting this update!! ahhh i just want to finish this fic before my birthday!!! wish me luck bc i have less than a month to do so!

Your father was the person who taught you the meaning behind some Korean names.

It was some sort of bonding you two did when you were still a kid. The most memorable part was when your mother told you that she was pregnant, thus giving you the opportunity to choose a name for your baby brother.

Of course your father helped you decide. He told you different names and its meanings.

Jeongguk. This was what stuck to you the most. It meant center of the country. The moment you had heard about this, you instantly knew it was the perfect name for the unborn brother.

Jeongguk was meant to shine, to be the center, not just of the country, but of the whole world.

But you failed him.

You failed when there was a very short period of time where you were supposed to be making him the center of your attention.

And so now you reap the harvest of your failure.

Jeongguk was now the center of your life, the main reason why you were stressed out.

"Thanks for letting me know.” You clutched the phone near your ear tighter. "I'll be there soon." It took a lot of energy to say this, but you had to.

It had been months since Jeongguk started living in your apartment. You took him in despite his antipathy. Like hell you'd allow him to go back to his old house.

A house full of liars and users.

Jeongguk wasn't lying when he said your father died of heart attack. Your brother only told you about this weeks after the burial.

Everything had been taken care of. Your aunties, the siblings of your father, paid for all the expenses, but they were demanding to be reimbursed now.

Jeongguk also said that your aunties sold your father's house so now he had no choice but to live with them, but to do so, he first needed to pay for the amount of money they spent for your father’s burial.

Nothing was free. This was what they claimed. The money Jeongguk owed them had interest as well. Aside from this, your aunties also told Jeongguk that he had to pay for his share in rent and utilities monthly. If he couldn't do this, then he wouldn't be allowed to live with them.

Jeongguk begged your aunties to give him some time. It was obvious that he didn't have money, mainly because the siblings of your father took all of his assets.

Your brother felt helpless. He considered living on the streets, but then your aunties told him to go to you. You inherited a lot of money and rumor had it that you leeched off of your rich boyfriends for their wealth.

Jeongguk had been through a lot that was why you couldn't really blame him when did bad things—his way to destress.

"What did he do this time?" But Taehyung wasn't having any of it.

He already knew that Jeongguk got in trouble as soon as he spotted you looking for your car keys, face pale because of trepidation.

You were probably going to wherever the hell Jeongguk was. This had been your new routine ever since the younger boy moved in with you.

You had no idea how many times someone called you to inform that your brother was in trouble.

"The principal called. Jeongguk's in the disciplinary room.”

"Ah," the devil chuckled, bringing the magazine he was reading down on his lap. "Let me guess, catfight?"

"Don't call it that," you gritted your teeth. "This is serious, Tae. We need to go now.”

Although you couldn't say that Taehyung was entirely wrong. The principal explained that the reason why Jeongguk was brought to the disciplinary room was because he beat up his classmates.

You didn't have the chance to ask why since the only thing that was in your mind was your brother's safety.

You were certain you're going to lose your mind if you didn't seem him now.

Fortunately Taehyung realized that you weren't playing around so he did everything in his power to help you.

You couldn't deny that his presence was needed. You had seen his efforts to help you 'raise' Jeongguk.

He didn't look like the devil you knew. It was as though he turned into a person, someone who was simply looking after you because he cared.

Taehyung was no longer punishing you for trying to kill yourself back then, but maybe his reason was because you didn't really have the time to think about suicide now.

As stated, all you wanted to do was help your brother. You were trying to show him how sorry you were because he had to experience horrible things because of you.

It wasn't easy though. You felt like Jeongguk was going out of his way just to spite you. This was evident when you heard his response as to why he beat up two of his classmates.

"They're making fun of my satoori accent.”

You facepalmed. You couldn't believe he was capable of hurting people because of something like this. Jeongguk grew up in Busan and it had only been months since he transferred here in Seoul to study and live with you.

It was natural to still speak with satoori accent. Jeongguk should have just let it go and no—you were not siding with his enemy. They bullied your brother, but then Jeongguk's action was worse.

The two boys he beat up weren’t doing well. The blood on their faces said so. Your stomach was actually turning upside down just by looking at them.

You felt so bad.

But feeling bad wasn't enough.

You knew you had to face the consequence of Jeongguk's action.

No more running away.

"I'm sorry." Your lips trembled as you look at the parents of the victims.

Before they could speak, you already force Jeongguk to get on his knees.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Jeongguk screamed at you, yet you ignored him.

You held Jeongguk down, still forcing him to bow down. You were doing the same thing. Your knees hurt, but it didn't matter.

"Apologize to them, Jeongguk." You whispered to your brother.

He was struggling to remove your hand that was placed on his shoulder, the same hand that was forcing him down.

"I didn't do anything wrong!" Jeongguk was glaring at you.

This whole situation was like a slap in your face. You were forcing Jeongguk to do the things you didn't do when you hurt people in the past.

You could see yourself in him, but he didn't get the protection you had before.

Your mother tolerated your misconduct; you weren’t planning on doing the same.

"Apologize or you won't be getting your share." You whispered with force again.

Jeongguk's gaze darkened.

"You wouldn't dare."

"You very well know that I have the means to cut you off, Kookie." Your menacing tone was enough to send shiver down his spine.

You always got what you wanted. Jeongguk knew he would lose if he defied you.

It was better to say sorry to these dipshits rather than lose his share. He couldn't let you take away everything from him again.

So with his jaw still tensed, Jeongguk slowly turned to the parents of his enemies.

"I'm sorry." His heart was clenching as he said this. It was so difficult. "It's my fault so I'm willing to face the consequence of my action."

To face the consequence of my action. This was something you didn't get to do, yet you knew how painful it was to be the bigger person.

If you wanted, you could simply pay these people to let Jeongguk off the hook, but as stated, you wouldn't do that.

Jeongguk had the chance to be the person you should have been.

This was the right thing to do. The mistake must end with you.

"Don't think for a second that we'll forgive just because you apologized." One of the victim's parents glared at you. "You're a piece of shit. You are raising a monster!"

That was the last straw for Jeongguk. He was about to attack the parent, luckily Taehyung was able to stop him.

Your heartbeat doubled. You knew Jeongguk's action would drive them even madder, and so you bowed even lower, almost kissing the floor.

"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry!" You cried.

Taehyung came to know that you were just distracting the parents, so he did what he thought you wanted.

He dragged Jeongguk out of the room before he hurt anyone else.

"My brother and I won't run away. Please. We're sorry!" You crawled until you were just inches away from the parents.

You clasped your hands together, looking up.

Never in your entire life did you imagine doing this, but this was the least thing you could do for Jeongguk.

And so somewhere between sobs and the principal asking you to stand up, you managed to bargain with them. You were going to accept what they wanted, provided that they wouldn't be pressing legal charges against your brother.

They only agreed with this term because you didn't budge when they claimed they wanted Jeongguk to be expelled from this school. This was his punishment. Moreover, you had to pay for the medical expenses of the kids.

That was the end of discussion. You immediately ran out of the room to meet your brother and Taehyung, unfortunately you couldn't contact the both of them.

You didn't know, but Taehyung used his power to teleport him and Jeongguk to your apartment.

Taehyung didn't have much of a choice since the younger man kept on struggling to get away.

At least the action shut up Jeongguk for a short while.

"W-Wait!" To say that he was surprised to witness (and experience) Taehyung's teleportation ability would be an understatement.

Jeongguk was actually flabbergasted.

"I—we..." The younger boy's jaw drop, he blinked rapidly as he examined the place.

He wasn't tripping. He was definitely inside your apartment.

"How did this happen? W-What are you?" Jeongguk was panicking.

He liked to act tough; however he was still a boy. He couldn't fight someone like Taehyung, especially now that he had seen what this devil was capable of doing.

"Ah, it's simple." Taehyung flashed his boxy smile, completely unaware of the fear he was causing Jeongguk to feel.

"I'm the devil. I can do all kind of things—" he showed off more by levitating.

Jeongguk felt like he was going to pass out.

What the fuck.

But Taehyung was not done yet.

Still floating, Taehyung moved closer to your brother. The latter couldn't step backward since his back was already resting against the wall. Besides, he was too stunned to even move.

"—including this," without a warning, Taehyung touched the corner of Jeongguk's lips.

The seventeen year-old boy could only watch as the devil's hand sparkled.

Jeongguk felt strange at first, but then he could feel his bruise and scratches healing.

The two boys who bullied him still managed to throw some punches. It hurt and as seen, it bruised.

"There." Taehyung broke into a much bigger grin. "You look brand new."

Jeongguk touched his face. It didn't hurt anymore.

"A simple thank you would do." The devil's lips protruded into a pout when Jeongguk simply stared at him, saying nothing.

Minutes passed. Taehyung was actually done preparing hot cocoa for him and Jeongguk, yet the latter was still frozen on his spot.

"Why?"

Taehyung was expecting your brother to express his gratitude now that he mentioned how he wanted Jeongguk to say thank you, but your brother was exactly like you—always saying the wrong things.

"What do you mean why?" Taehyung handed the younger boy the cup of cocoa.

Jeongguk took it because he was freezing. It was cold outside and he couldn't deny that he was still a bit shaken after witnessing some bizarre...things.

"You said..." Jeongguk gulped. "You're the devil, so why did you heal me? Why are you helping me?"

Taehyung's brow shot up. Huh. His similarity to you was uncanny.

"That's your concern?" The devil shook his head, there was a smile on his lips. He thought Jeongguk was going to ask why he was lying, or why devils exist—things normal people asked.

"No, it's not," Jeongguk sighed, finally moving around. He paced back and forth after placing the hot cocoa on the table.

He scratched the back of his head as he stared straight into Taehyung eyes.

"I have a lot of concerns, okay!? I don't know why my sister's suddenly acting like she cares, I don't why I feel indifferent when I should be mourning the death of my father! I don't know how you managed to teleport! I'm—"

"Hey..." Taehyung touched the either side of Jeongguk's shoulders, forcing the younger to look at him.

"It's okay. You're okay..."

The devil figured that your brother was having a panic attack. He was probably so overwhelmed with everything that was happening. It didn't help that Taehyung surprised him by revealing his true identity.

Taehyung was such an idiot.

"I'm just so confused." Jeongguk managed to whisper. Tears filled his eyes.

Taehyung helped your brother sit on the couch. He was telling Jeongguk to breathe.

It took a while, but the younger boy managed to steady his breathing. Taehyung gave him more time to calm down before speaking again.

Both of them were sitting on the couch. Jeongguk was staring into the space while the devil was looking directly at your brother.

"I guess I really caught you off guard, huh?" Taehyung chuckled softly. He was carefully observing Jeongguk's expression.

"Were you telling the truth?" Your brother turned to look at Taehyung, which the latter didn't expect. He nodded nonetheless.

Taehyung was selfish. He said things just because. He never cared about what others would feel, but he learned fast. He realized that he shouldn't have revealed his identity just like that.

But he couldn't lie now, could he?

"It's true. I'm a devil." He smiled sheepishly. "The devil of death."

Jeongguk sucked in a breath. He tried to remember if he smoke pot today, but he didn't.

There were only two probable reasons why this was happening.

First: he was going crazy.

Second: Taehyung was telling the truth.

"You can ask your sister about me if you want. She knows."

Jeongguk sucked in a breath once more.

"If you're telling the truth...then...why..." He didn't know if he could question the devil.

Jeongguk was scared of his answer.

"Why did I heal you when I'm supposed to destroy you?" And so Taehyung completed the younger boy's question.

Jeongguk bit the inside of his cheek, nodding.

"It's a long story so I'm just going to tell you one thing.”

For some reason your brother nodded. He was captivated by the devil too. The same feeling you experienced when you first met Taehyung.

"Everything changes, Jeongguk." The devil uttered seriously. "Be it because of a person, experience, or even thing."

Taehyung laughed when he pointed at himself.

"Just look at me. Who would have thought that the devil of death would end up healing a mere mortal like you?"

Temporary, permanently, good change, bad change.

At the end of the day, it was still a change. This change would still affect something that could last forever.

"So yeah," Taehyung clasped his hand together. "I know it's ironic for me to say this, but there's goodness in every person. The one who hurt you before is probably out there, doing everything they can to help you."

Jeongguk knew exactly what Taehyung was talking about. He wasn't really being subtle about it. He used they, yet he was referring to you.

"I'll take that in mind," this was all your brother could say before retreating to his temporary bedroom.

Moments later, you arrived.

"Whoa.” The devil grimaced upon seeing your face.

You looked awful. Your hair was a mess and your eyes were bloody red. You were also shaking. It was cold outside.

"I-Is Jeongguk here? Is he safe? Did you treat his wounds? Do we need to bring him to the hospital—"

"Calm down, Barbie." Taehyung laughed, taking your cold hands to warm them up.

"Your brother is fine," he brought your hands closer to his lips, blowing hot air on them. "I may or may have knocked some senses into him."

You weren't sure about that. Jeongguk was a tough cookie. He had a rough childhood because of you.

"You didn't coerce him, did you?" You crinkled your eyes and Taehyung gasped dramatically.

"What do you take me for?" He tightened his hold on your hands. "I don't do what is not needed, you know?"

"Right." He was clearly talking about what he had to do back when you met Cha Eun Hye at the hospital.

"Jeongguk is sleeping now. I treated his wounds. Don't worry," he winked, though he didn't tell you that he used his power to heal your brother.

He didn't want you to freak out, especially because you seemed...tired.

"Thank you." You sincerely said.

You couldn't imagine this day without Taehyung by your side.

"No worries." The devil licked his bottom lip; his soft eyes made you feel like you were floating in the air.

You had never seen him this calm. The aura surrounding him felt refreshing.

He was still holding your hands.

"—you know I'll do anything for you," Tae continued and suddenly, you no longer felt like you were flying. Right now, you felt as if your heart was sinking deeper and deeper that you thought it was better to just let go and get lost in the abyss of his golden eyes.

You knew he was only saying this because your lives were connected, but the past months didn't feel like an act.

It felt real—like his intention wasn't a selfish act.

You realized that it didn't matter, not when you wanted to be selfish too. Today, you wanted to indulge on his warmth, to the comfort he gave.

And so you embraced him.

The devil didn't hesitate.

He hugged you back.

[sherl-grey]

Oh god they all sound so amazing I can't decide which ones I want to know about most but I think I've settled on 2, 4 and 5 if you want to share anything about them?

Ace you are too kind for words, truly! 💖 Unfinished drafts are a mess for me but I'll try to answer this as best I can! I'm gonna hide it under a cut though because it's long, and I'd hate to spam the people on my dash who are just here for gifs and a good time and not my disaster fic plots that may or may not ever be finished, haha.

2 was "Something Wild," named after the song by Lindsey Stirling feat. Andrew McMahon. It's long and planned for at least two separate stories--basically, Academy through Eighth incarnation are all setting up characters and leaving a Bad Wolf trail, and the real shit goes down when the Time War happens (since I am really attached to this idea I don't want to spoil this publicly, but am happy to DM if you still want more!) and then the rest will follow New Who seasons but with an underlying subplot that results from the War. This is my favorite idea in awhile but unfortunately cannot seem to do it justice; unsure on if/when I would get to publish this! Still kinda picking away.

4 is based off the song "Check Yes, Juliet" by We The Kings which just screams TenRose to me. It follows canon TenRose, a high school/college-aged AU James and Rose, and a vaguely regency/historical Lord John Noble and Lady Rose Tyler as the universe tries to split them all up in various ways. I loved how this went in my head but translating it into words has been awful and I will say probably reads terribly. Writing about it here has made me want to try again but I'm attempting to save people from having to read this nightmare, haha. The intro is set in Rise of the Cybermen/The Age of Steel:

“You can’t stay,” the Doctor told Rose regretfully, swallowing the lump in his throat. The longing look in her eyes as she watched alternate versions of her parents, alive and together, throwing a party full of London’s elite in a rather impressive mansion… it was enough to set him on edge, and it was all he could do not to take her hand possessively and beg her to look at him, just him.

“‘Course I can’t,” Rose agreed, though the wistfulness remained in her eyes even as she glanced back at him. “I’ve still got Mum at home. My real mum. I couldn’t just leave her, could I,” she said dully, and the Doctor just wanted to grab her by the shoulders and shake her.

You’ve still got me, he wanted to yell. You’ve got me, you can’t leave me. You just can’t.

“She’s got you,” he said instead. “Those two haven’t. All these different worlds, not one of them gets it right.” He closed his eyes in sorrow for a moment, overwhelmed with pointless regret over not having been able to fix her world for her. He’d done everything he could, taken a reaper to the face for her, and still she’d had to watch her dad die. Several times over.

“I dunno,” Rose said contemplatively after a pause. “S’ true, none of them are perfect. No world is. But…” she trailed off, swallowing hard, and the Doctor nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt her take his hand. “It doesn’t do any good to stay hung up on what they get wrong. They get some things right, don’t they?”

The Doctor stared at their joined hands, lightly stroking his thumb across the back of hers and wondering if she could feel his double pulse hammering against her skin.

“Yeah. They do.”

5 is something silly and I don't have much of it actually written (like 6 paragraphs maybe, lol) because it's tough to get right, but basically Nine thinks "wait, did she ask me out? she asked me out!" and then every time he second guesses himself it's like "well, she holds my hand a lot" which is basically making out for Time Lords, and since physical intimacy is not super necessary (it would be a bonus, of course, but he could live just holding her hand forever), this dumbo will jump straight to "I want to marry this girl" when his feelings boil over. Of course, "this girl" is blissfully unaware of this idiot's thoughts.

Sorry I don't have much to give you with these, but hope this helps satisfy some of the curiosity!

[jatpsometimes]

hello everyone, I return with more angst, this time, Willex!

As The World Caves In

Words: 2,554

Summary: 90s Alive AU where Sunset Curve performed in the Orpheum and are now rising stars. Alex and Willie have met and began dating shortly after the show. Around a year of their relationship, Willie falls seriously ill, and Alex is there to support him.

Disclaimers:

The boys are all around 18, as this is set a year after the orpheum performance where they were all 17.

The boys did not die in this AU, merely just had a bad case of food poisoning.

As this is set in the 90s, Flynn, Julie, Nick and other characters do not exist.

This is based on the assumption that Willie was also alive and 17 in the 90s.

I do not own any of these characters, however both Willie and Alex's parents are my own interpretations.

Ao3 link:

@thedragonemperess

   Alex looks at Willie's face, and smiles weakly. Willie looks...weaker, than usual, and was clearly trying to put on a brave face for his much loved boyfriend. 

   "How do you feel today?" Alex asks, gently.

    "...Better, I think." Wille replies, sheepishly. 

     "Willie, you don't have to pretend you feel okay, you know that, right?" says Alex. 

      "...You're right...well then, my chest hurts when I breathe, and I feel constantly tired. The other day, Reggie brought me in food that his mom made specifically for me, and it looked great and it smelt divine, but I couldn’t muster the appetite to eat it. He just looked so...disappointed, Alex."

   Alex sighed, and took Willie's hand. 

    "He understands though. It's...it's harder on you, and we both know Reggie would never hold it against you."

     "I know just-" Willie begins coughing violently mid sentence, "...Sorry. But it's just, I hate feeling so...useless, y'know? I want to get out and function like a normal person, but even getting out of bed winds me for the next hour, never mind walking out of here."

   Willie looks at Alex. His eyes are so...tired looking. Alex's heart breaks a little more at the sight. Willie's eyes, the eyes that were always so bright and full of life looked so dull now. His face which always bore a smile, so...gray looking, skinnier. Even his arms which Alex loved to be held in were weaker. And yet he was still the man Alex loved, and would continue to love. 

   "Willie...I...look, you just..." Alex stammers over his words.

    "Hotdog. It's okay. I know you're worried, but really, I'll be okay. I'm doing better than I look, the doctors say so. And lord knows they're being paid enough to tell the truth." 

   Alex laughs weakly. Willie still has his sense of humour. That has to be good, right?

   Right.

    A nurse enters the room to inform Alex that visiting hours end soon. Alex nods, and says he'll be out in a bit.

   "You have to go?" Willie says sadly. 

    "...Yeah. I do." 

     "...You'll be back tomorrow though, right?" 

      "Of course. Of course I will."

   Alex kisses Willie gently on the forehead.

    "Is that it?" Willie says, a smirk on his face.

     "Oh- Uh-" Alex stammers as his face turns bright red.

      "You don't have to, you know? I was teasing." 

       "No- I- I just wasn't expecting to hear it. But since you asked," Alex leans in, "sure, that's not all."

   Alex kisses Willie passionately, moving one hand to Willie's shoulder, and the other running through his hair. Willie pulls Alex in closer in suit. The two break apart, both smiling wide.

   "That certainly wasn't all then." Willie laughs.

   "What a 'bye for now', huh?" Alex says, his face still red from his moment of bravery.

    "For now," Willie says, pausing for a second "I love you, Alex." he adds.

   Alex stares at him for a second, unsure of what he just heard. 

   "...I love you too, Willie." 

 

 

   A few months later, Alex is visiting Willie again. Willie is still hesitant to admit it, but with his recently shaved head and the numerous more machines beeping and such around his bed, it is clear to Alex that his condition is worsening.

   "Stay still, will you? I don't want to nick you." Alex says as he slowly, carefully, shaves the recently appeared stubble on Willie's face. 

   Willie does not reply but does become more still, merely watching Alex as he shaves his face with such care.

   "There. Feel better?" Alex asks as he prepares to shave Willie's head. 

   "...Yeah." Willie says, hoarsely. 

    "I'm gonna help you sit up now so I can get your head, okay?" 

      "Sure." Willie says. As Alex helps him sit up, he starts coughing again. When he moves his hand away from his mouth, there are a few drops of blood. He makes hesitant eye contact with Alex, who, aware that Willie doesn't want to be made a fuss over, merely cleans his hand and sighs softly.

   As Alex lathers his head with shaving cream, Willie starts to cry softly. When he notices, Alex stops, cleans off his hands, and sits on the bed beside him.

   "Willie...what's happened, dear?"

    "They, uh...they told me the results of my scan yesterday. The lung cancer...it's progressed. It's spread to my kidneys now. Alex...they uh, they aren’t giving me long to live."

   Alex's shoulders slump in defeat. All the fighting...all the effort and the pain. Willie even lost his hair trying to fight off cancer and...for nothing. Alex stands up, wordlessly, and begins to shave Willie's head. 

   "So, you're just...saying nothing?" Willie says, a tangible note of hurt in his voice.

   Alex bites his lip to stifle a sob. He can't cry in front of Willie right now. Willie is the one who's allowed to cry right now. He keeps shaving. 

   "Alex. Please. Say something...anything."

    Alex lets out a sob, and immediately he feels Willie tense up. 

   "Alex-" Willie starts as he tries to turn around.

    "No, please. Just...just let me finish shaving, please." Alex says, his voice breaking slightly.

   Willie turns around again, facing away from Alex, and lets him finish shaving his head.

   When visiting hours end that evening, Alex hugs Willie as tight as he can without hurting, and pats Willie's back as he sobs and yells into Alex's shoulder. He says it'll be okay, he tries to comfort him, but they both know this can't possibly ever be okay.

 

 

   Alex is in a mall with the other three boys. In front of them is a case of rings. A jeweller walks over to them. 

   "Ah, you're-"

    "Sunset Curve! Tell your friends." cuts in Reggie. The boys laugh.

     "...Yes. My daughter loves you, she's booked tickets to your next tour."

      "Ah! A fan! Or...well, rather a parent of a fan." Says Luke, excitedly.

       "Indeed. Well, how may I help you boys today?"

        "Well, uh, we're looking for a ring." Alex says. 

         "I think, if you follow me this way, you'll find more what you're looking for? This is the...engagement ring section."

   The boys look at her blankly. 

    "Oh. Well, someone's a lucky girl-"

     "A lucky boy, actually." They correct her, all looking towards Alex, who currently looks rather sheepish. The jeweller makes an "oh" face. 

   "Well then, Mr. Mercer? I think this ring right here will be perfectly suited."

   She points to a silver band.

    "We do ring engraving too, if that's your thing."

   Alex looks at the boys. They smile at him and nod, already knowing what he's thinking. 

 

 

   Willie and Alex's parents crowd into the small hospital room. All four of them look ecstatic, an odd sight for a room with a dying man in it. Outside, Luke, Reggie and Bobby are fighting to get a good look.

   "Alex, love...what on earth are you doing?"

   Alex laughs, his hands shaking behind his back. He looks to his parents, who nod, then Willie's, who smile at him. He gets down on one knee beside the hospital bed.

   "Willie, I have loved you since the day I met you backstage at the orpheum. I have loved you since you looked after me during the aftermath of that nasty ass hotdog, and I have loved you since you stayed by me when I came out."

   Willie looks at him, unsure of how to react to what he's hearing. Alex brings out the ring box from behind his back.

   "I know that we can't legally get married. And I know that it will never feel properly real because of that. But Willie...if I could..." Alex trails off.

   "...Go on." Willie says, quietly.

    "Willie...I- Will you marry me?" 

   The energy from the couples' parents in the corner of the room is electric.

   "Of course, Alex. Of course."

    Alex breathes a sigh of relief and stands up to give Willie the ring. The boys cheer and whoop from outside the room, before being shushed, because people are dying here.

   "Alex...did you- did you get a hotdog engraved on this?"

   Alex smiles slightly.

   "I love it. I fucking love it." Willie says, as he lets Alex slide the ring onto his finger.

    "And look," Alex says, pulling out his own counterpart ring from his pocket "mines has a skateboard."

   Willie laughs, the first genuine laugh he's had in a while, but then in a snap back to reality, begins coughing harshly, and both Alex and his parents rush to hold him, and wipe his face of the blood spatters. 

   The rest of visiting hours are spent sneaking the boys a toast of champagne - for they know Willie won't live to 21 - as well as sharing baby photos and many, many congratulations. 

   Days later, Willie signs a deed poll to change his surname to Mercer. Both Alex and Willie reason it's as close as they'll ever get to marriage.

 

 

   A month later, the nights get colder faster now, and Alex notices it more than he ever has as he speeds to Willie's hospital at 11 at night. As his listed emergency contact, the hospital have contacted him as well as Willie's parents. Alex is trying desperately to calm his breathing to concentrate at the wheel before he causes an accident, to little aid, as his vision is blurred by tears anyway. 

   He doesn’t even lock his car doors as he bolts to Willie's room. He can hear multiple doctors in the room, all discussing what's and how's and when's. Alex begs them for information but as he's neither the patient, a (legal) spouse, or a next of kin, they can tell him nothing. When Willie's parents arrive shortly after, they are informed that Willie has went into kidney failure, and as his cancer has already metastasised, a transplant would only delay the inevitable, information they immediately relay to Alex. The doctors give Willie a few hours at most.

   Alex cries quietly at Willie's bedside, holding his hand as he watches his chest rise and fall slowly. The doctors have put him on morphine, to make his passing easier, more comfortable on him. Willie's parents stand behind Alex, Willie's father placing his hand on Alex's shoulder as comfort. 

   "Son...do you want us to give you a minute?" Willie's father asks. Alex nods quietly.

   When he hears the door click shut, Alex lifts his head to look at Willie. 

   "Willie..why'd it have to be you?" he says quietly, weakly as he cups Willie's face and his thumb strokes his cheek. This isn't how it should have been. They should have been able to grow up together, get old, maybe even someday, possibly, get married. They should have been able to hopefully adopt a few kids, to watch them grow up and become adults of their own. And yet here Alex sat, being robbed of his first, his only love.

   Alex buries his head into Willie's hospital gown. He cries out when all he receives is the horrible, sterile smell rather than what he wanted, Willie's warm, wood-ish smell. He doesn't have Willie's hair to stroke, it was all shaved off when the chemo started making it fall out. He looks at Willie's face again. He looks so...fragile. Alex's heart is shattering and he doesn’t know if he'll ever put the pieces back together again. 

   Willie's parents enter the room again, hot drinks in hand, and Willie's equally distraught mother hand Alex a coffee with a weak smile. Alex sips it, and grimaces at the bitter, yet watery taste. Nonetheless he is thankful for the caffeine. 

   A few hours later, while Alex and Willie's parents are engaged in light conversation, Willie's heart monitor starts beeping loudly in an alarm. When the three of them look at the monitor, they can see that Willie is flatlining. 

   "No. No. No this can't- No!" Alex starts shouting. He grabs Willie by the shoulders and shakes him. "Come on Willie, please, no, not now, please-"

   Doctors flood into the room, and Willie's father pulls Alex back out of their way. Alex struggles to get loose but eventually goes limp as he sinks to the floor to wail in grief. The doctors, unable to do anything due to Willie's D.N.R, stand to one side and turn off the alarm. 

   "Time of Death...1:32AM..." one of them says, flatly. 

   

 

   Days later, at Willie's funeral, Alex seems to have been cried out. Even as one of the pallbearers, Alex's face just remains blank, empty. He sits at the front, with Willie's family. He even comforts Willie's younger siblings with a hug as they cry. But Alex himself sheds not one tear. He just stares into the distance. He barely talks. 

   Willie's parents ask Alex to say a few words, and rather reluctantly, he agrees. As he walks up to the front of the small church in Willie's hometown, his hands start to shake and he feels a lump form in his throat. 

   He looks out at the crowd, herded into the very much packed church like sheep. He clears his throat.

   "I...I have known- I knew, Willie, for around a year. I knew him before his diagnosis, when he could still do the things he loved," Alex's voice shakes, "like skateboarding...or helping people, helping me. Not many of you know this, but I loved Willie. I still do. His death doesn't feel real to me and I doubt it ever will. I will miss him dearly, as I'm sure you all will. Uh...thanks for listening."

   Standing at Willie's grave site, it isn't raining. In fact, the sun is shining and the temperature is almost mild. Alex watches in silence as they lower his partner's body into the ground. As they begin to shovel dirt onto the coffin, Alex's facade that even he wasn't aware existed, begins to crumble, and he buries his head in his mother's shoulder and cries out, his tears soaking her nice black coat. He hears other people begin to sob, and had he felt up to it, he would have consoled them. But right at that moment, at that exact time, nothing mattered to him apart from the fact that his partner, the man he loved enough to want to marry, was dead, was gone forever and was never coming back.

 

 

   Weeks later, Willie's parents ask Alex to come to Willie's grave with them. Alex, who had barely left his room since the funeral, reluctantly agrees, letting him pick him up in their minivan. They drive to the cemetery in silence, none of them have the words to talk with, until they're walking over to where Willie was buried. 

   "We know that we didn't ask you...but since it's his legal name, we had to use it for the headstone..." say Willie's parents.

   Alex looks at them, unsure of what they mean. And then he sees the name on Willie's headstone. Willie Mercer. In some strange way, he never expected to see it anywhere so official, so permanent. He realises that Willie's parents are awaiting a reaction, but he blanks on what to do. The sadness of seeing his love's grave taints the small joy that is seeing his own surname on it. 

   "I- I- Thank you." He eventually stammers out, and Willie's parents pull him into a hug. 

 

   For the first time in a long time, Alex begins to feel that things might, eventually, be okay.

[dana-chan-the-control-brain]

Happy new year everyone 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

I know 2020 has been hard for everyone.

And I want everyone to know, suffering isn't a contest and we all suffer in different ways. But I feel I should give my year in Review. Just some things that happened to me personally.

This was an intense, and long and spiritual and emotional journey for me...

I really discovered what it meant to have community, family and what my life means to me.

But I feel I need to get this in writing cause I can remember the year with vivid detail and I will probably forget if I don't get it down.

Do I have to share this publically online to my tumblr account for a bunch of strangers to see? not really.

Do I want to?

Yes. I think so. Just from how so many people on tumblr and real life have touched me.

This is kinda long and no one needs to read this.

(idk how to do a readmore on mobile. But this is where I would add it later. No one needs to read if they don't want to.)

January/February: (and some background on the last five years of my life cause.....well. it's important.)

As people knew, I got way into Invader Zim last summer. I spent most of my waking life working a dead end job at a grocery store. I lived a sad lonely life, going straight home to a single dark studio apartment. With not many material possessions outside of games, my laptop and my tablet to my name. Half of my material loves, such as home furnishings and books were still in boxes from when I moved in. In case I ever had to move again, or get some "big screenshot or copywriter" job in the city.

....

I lived in that city in the same dead end job and apartment for five years.

No friends. No social life. I often refused to make doctor appointments or attempt to establish myself in that city. I didn't even talk to anyone in my workplace.

Work. Go online. Go to sleep.

I lived like that for five years.

I thought it was good.

Even my therapist thought I was doing well.

When I really wasn't. My main character flaw I struggle with is motivation.

I can talk to someone about very detailed plans I have to fix a problem... But I tend to never follow through.

Just because I can describe in detail how to fix my personal problems, it doesn't mean I will do it.

(I have gotten better at this but it's a major struggle)

I might have been a Zombie during the day...

But by night I was pouring my soul into my AU and my analysis.

After being so thoughly ignored or overlooked by the Naruto fandom and the Undertale fandom, I felt like I had finally found my home and was settling into a community there.

I just loved that people loved what I had to say.

Especially my AU.

It's no secret that a lot of themes in my au revolve around found family, grief, and loss.......

Fatherhood, in particular.

What it means to be a father, how much do you need to try when you mess up, how willing should a child forgive their parent, especially those that have wronged you and how much of it is factually accurate and simply a self projection of what children want their parents to be and visa versa... What amount of forgiveness and change is nessasary...is it needed?

....

It's no secret that a lot of my AU is a giant coping mechanism for my Dad's death. Espessially the falling out and growing closer with a lot of my family members throughout the years following his death. (Most of the time I keep it ambiguous to how it relates to my personal life unless I include a readmore that states so outright. I feel my au can be enjoyed by a variety of people in the fandom who don't need to know me as a person or my life story.)

My Dad passed away in 2016 in February and my family still feels the aftershocks to this day.

It's part of the reason I moved to the city, alienated myself from my family and people that loved me and refused to experience life for five years.

My entire world was Zim, and I was okay.

March: When America finally realized and started to feel the effects of the pandemic....

A lot of people got scared.

Me included.

I didn't have any streaming services or access to the news. So I only heard accounts from my mom.

I didn't understand why the store was so dead quiet and empty for a few days, then it went into mass chaos and panic in the span of two days.

It felt like Retail black friday in the worst way. Everyone was packed like sardines. Everyone was yelling. The lines at the registers bled into the clothing department.

I was witness to customers shoving others for toilet paper, being rude to cashier's and just overall unpleasantness.

At the time, I didn't even fully grasp what the pandemic was, and I feel a lot of people at the time didn't either.

I ended up absentmindedly scratching my eyebrow in front of a customer and she screamed and villanised me for it. That they didn't want groceries touched by my "unclean hands"

I ended up breaking down into tears.

The customer behind me gave me a hug and told me I was doing a great job.

But the damage was done. It was the final straw, I couldn't stop crying and I was breaking apart.

Thankfully my Boss (the one who likes me) pulled me aside and asked what's wrong.

It was then that I quit. No notice. Same day. I had to get out of there.

I was planning to move to an apartment with my sister in the summer, but my Mom offered for me to move back in with her temperarily just so I can get out of the city and away from the pandemic.

So I did.

I got scared, broke my lease a month early and quit my job of five years that gave me nothing back.

He told me, "take care of yourself and your family, I won't keep you here, do what you need to do."

So I did.

April-June:

A very eventful few months.

My mom offered for me to live at her place, but for some reason she was acting like I would live there forever. That this wasn't a temporary arrangement, and that I didn't have an apartment set up already.

This was in large part to my sister, who had lived with my mom taking advantage of her for years.

Even though my sister and I were going to move in together, I was just never sure about it cause of how she never packed her stuff or made any effort to find a job.

My mom often acted like I was lazy and not searching and was treating me like... Well, an unruly teenager instead of a woman of 29 years. She acted like I was a failure for returning home when it was her idea in the first place.

I would have just been petrified in the city.

Like usual, I retreated to my au again.... And in the spring, something eventful happened.

In may, 8th 2020:

I was invited by @rissynicole to join an invader zim discord.

Now, I've never really used discord before. I always thought it's interface is too confusing.. and I'm a member of a few other iz discords and I usually don't follow them that closely.

Rissy assured me it was different cause some friends of thiers made it and it was smaller.

Before I knew it, I was sharing memes and getting to know everyone there.

It wasn't long after I invited my partner in IZ crimes, @paketdimensioncomic who was genuinely wary of iz servers due to a bad experience with the last one they were a part of.

But soon they were sharing memes and laughing with everyone else.

My eyes were starting to open and I was able to connect to fans of my work in an interpersonal way. And I was able to discover new artists and aus I never knew about.

I was also able to meet so many others of the community and invite them to the server myself.

The moo-ping 10 server kept me sane while I was living with my judgmental mother.

Not only that, the summer was very productive for my au.

Drawing was all I did, and it was a huge break from the job as a cashier I had.

Not only that, June came, and with it, me and Ceph's first collab fic:

A result of us just going back and forth in our DMs constantly about Professor Membrane and how he changed in ETF for the better and how much we adamantly stan "trying-to-be-a-good-dad-brane" and how much of his ETF development has to be implied off screen in order for the emotional resolution in the movie to matter.

The only reason I never professed my love for Membrane as a character in the fandom before the fic dropped was.... Well....

Membrane can be a decisive character in the fandom and I was so worried people would hate me if I did an analysis on him, simply because he's not the best parent in the world. (As an understatement)

Ceph and I really encouraged each other to scream our love for the science himbo loud and proud more frequently and so often.... I actually start to see less Membrane hate posts and breakdowns then their used to be.... I like to think it's a combination of Me and Ceph's influence, along with ETF and the Quarterly's painting Membrane in a slightly more nuanced light then he was previously.

I never wrote a collab fic before and it's such a rewarding and fun and unique experience that I don't think I'll ever have again. And I love working with Ceph on our fics so much.

So much so we did it again...

July-August:

I never thought I would be one of those people who writes NSFW IZ fic... But here I am.

The Brainbrane au started.... An au of my au where Membrane and the Computer fall in love and Membrane makes him a body.

This ship was based around the idea where we joked that Membrane and Zim's Computer would have funny interactions if they ever met, under the pretense Membrane thinks Computer is Zim's parent.

Our headcanons morphed and shifted until we just full blown started shipping them.

Just because Membrane and Zim's Computer have overall REALLY entertaining chemistry.

It's a character dynamic never seen in the show or comics (yet) and I imagine thier interactions to be nothing but entertaining banter.

The fic was also born from spite... Making fun of the troupes and cliches that we found personally destestible in some questionable zadr fics.

So an angry ace and a demi-bisexual collab on a porn and end up blessing the fandom with

Compapa headcanons,

Computer being recognized as a more common used fanon character,

The ship of Brainbrane.

The fandom having a crisis of "oh God, not only are we xenophiles we're technophiles too!!!" Or "why you gotta give Zim's Computer an ass"

More android Computer designs

It was an eventful summer.

In the midst of all this, I moved into my new place, got a new job, and I was able to see my friend (who is def my platonic straight soul mate) who lives in Indiana.

She came to visit, showed me how to decorate and how to take care of my body better! Things were looking up! It was great.

September-November:

My job was at a boat store. If was approaching the fall and my hours were being severely cut.

I was getting into a rut of depression again.

I thought things were changing but the same routine I was trying to escape from was the same thing coming back.

But instead of letting it take hold, I decided I was going to do something about it... I was gonna visit a museum and go with my sister. Just... variety stimulation.

Well that didn't happen.

I talked about this shortly in my au itself...but..

My sister had a complete mental breakdown.

She stopped taking her meds, went off the deep end and was in the hospital a total of five times throughout November.

A lot of it was acting out and the perfect storm of environmental factors that made her scream and act out so she would keep going back to the hospital.

It was traumatizing for me.

I just can't explain what it's like. For her and for me to be in that position.

I'm not telling the full story and a lot of bullshit things happened I won't share here.

She got diagnosed with bipolar one and my mom expected me to be a caretaker for her.

I threatened to disown my family and move away out of state.

It was just too much for me to handle.

So much I was a nervous wreck.

I tried to pick up a second job... Cause my sister was in the mental ward so frequently and couldn't pay the bills.

But I was fired within a week cause I was so stressed I couldn't retain the basic information they were training me for.

It was an office job.

My dream.

It could have been.

I was fired from something I really wanted.

I was only there for three days.

I could not retain any information.

I was a mess.

My sister was a trigger, my mom wanted me to live with her. I couldn't live like this.... I had to get out.

I had to get out.

December:

Remember my Indiana friend?

Well the first week of December is my birthday.

My 30th to be exact.

While I did pick up a seasonal position at Target (not my first pick)

I took the first week of December off so I could spend time with her. Cause she agreed, I needed a break from this crap.

Surviving 30 years is cause to celebrate and if I had to celebrate with my sister I would have cried.

I know there was a risk traveling out of state during a pandemic...

But I needed out, I needed a friend..

And I kinda wanted to look at the place since I was considering moving there.

My friend's mom was sick so she avoided me and her daughter and got us a hotel room.

It was fun! I got to swim in a salt water pool, we talked about Naruto, I showed her the iz and su art books I brought, also Computer and Membrane tea.

I also got to meet her other friends and get crunk. And her bf who is super nice and funny!

I had a super fun birthday....

Until her mom told my friend that her grandparents had covid and that was what she had. And my friend got sick within that same day.... As did I.

I owe so much to her family.

I was an entire state away...about a ten hour drive from home.... She let me stay at her house. "The covid house" we called it.

Cause everyone (except the father. He avoided everyone and booked a hotel immediately cus he was an ER doctor) had covid within a day.

I called in, the test results were positive and I had to stay with her family for ten days quarantine before I could work again.

Which would have been fine....

If my tumblr didn't log me out perminately of my old account. @dana-chan325 .... Which really sucked cause I had a constant headache and was too sick to engage with tumblr or much of the fandom. I didn't want to make a new account when my head was in a bad fog and I could barely breathe or smell.

It's not like I saw much of my friend either.... We all slept at different hours and she had more symptoms then I did.

It was just netflix, danganronpa v3 and cry.

I was miserable, but at the same time.... Not?

I really feel like God himself was the one who pulled me off from tumblr, and my living situation.

Maybe a whole extra week feeling like a bobblehead was what I needed.

It gave me some much needed clarity on my relationships with my mom and sis and friend.

Running away to Indiana was not the solution here.

Once I was better within ten days and no longer had a leave of absence, I drove home.

I am glad I fully recovered (but from how I understand it, my dear friend is still ill. I'm praying for her)

I might have gone to work a bit too soon, cause I had an asthma attack after trying to unload a single cart in the span of six hours.

My boss lectured that my speed was unacceptable, and even though I explained the covid situation and breathing problems many times, she threatened that I'd be fired if I'm that slow again.

Que the next few days of work where they put me on register.

Instantly I was sent into a panic remembering the last time I was on the register and how that panic attack caused me to quit.

I even asked if I could go back to stocking, since my breathing had improved. My boss assured me that I was put on the register cause they needed help and nothing to do with my covid thing.

Then as December concluded and the new year began, my boss said that this was the last shift for me cause my position was seasonal and they were letting a lot of people go.

I then asked why I was on the schedule for Sunday, and he told me to ignore it and I'm free to reapply for full-time.

I mean.... They can act smart about it...

But putting your general merchandise stocker onto register after she had an asthma attack and missed working the first two weeks of December due to covid.....

Not a good look.

So once again, I'm jobless once more.

Will probably continue to live with my sister for awhile.

But I do not feel as if it's a bad thing....

I met so many good people this year....

My friend's family even gave me 500 usd to cover my rent since I couldn't work for a majority of December.

I've seen evil and good from humanity this year. I've seen acts of god, good friends and what my real family means to me as well as friends I consider family.

This year really made me look back at the person in the mirror and say,

"I deserve better."

And actually worked for it this time.

Oh and after Christmas I got a horrible yeast infection that burns over most of my body currently.

Very accurate doodle to the pain I'm in right now.

(seriously my body is a fungus.)

But hey, good news, I respected myself enough to go to the doctor about it!!

So that's progress.

I really hope 2021 holds good things for me.

Thank you to the mooping 10 server for always being there and keeping me sane,

Thank you tumblr for liking my au and everything.

AND A SUPER SPECIAL THANK YOU TO @evartandadam and her family for housing me and my dumb diseased ass. Everyone, she is an angel and I can't express how much she means to me. Please check out her art and buy her stuff on redbubble.

Anyways... Byebye 2020.

I look forward to what I can accomplish for myself this year.