#I don't have like. a goal or anything anymore. like my goal with my art has always changed but idk

[captain-astors]

Creature. (The rendered ones are referenced from manga panels)

[anothermonikan]

Me: Literally just trying to draw anything, anything at all

The irreversible impact these two fuckers had on my art:

[neverendingford]

.

[buttercupshands]

Thinking about what happened in the summer

Kids are... Really different when it comes to spending three weeks without their parents

Some start crying near the end of first day

Some start crying after couple of days

And some don't show anything while feeling the same

And being... I think English has a good word for that, let's go with a teacher but mix it with caretaker a little bit

I think seeing a kid cry at the end of that first day finally short circuited my brain, teens are way harder to understand that pre-teens who are literally still kids

They come around after a week, settle down and find new friends and your job stays the same mostly to be the one controlling their behavior

And then you'd have a kid crying again, because they miss home and the only thing you can really do is comfort them that they're not stuck here forever and that time flows so fast they won't notice it

And maybe they didn't. Time really did flew and they were leaving

Parents visited kids sometimes, of course, and it was so scary at first but they were mostly friendly and nice

Maybe because of that group chat that let them see that their kids are fine and are having fun

In the end for kids it was painful at first, but fun in the end. I got hugged more times than I could count when they were all leaving

And then poof

Back to your own life you go, like nothing happened

[qaanngi]

Scrolled to 2020 to try and update the file for Theo's birthday pic (HBD to him 💙) and that really was such a wonderful period for me in terms of drawing 🥲

[innaillus]

I miss him.

I often think of him and feel like I need to draw him. But unfortunately, I have a lot of other responsibilities besides work. I also made it my goal to make sure I don't get burnt out, so I allow much less art in my freetime than before.

I wish I could wipe my memory clean of TR and re-watch and re-read everything and have a fresh experience. I need inspiration to create. While I don't have anything readily available about him anymore, I get a million stimuli from other sources each day.

:/

[deqdlyowl]

I actually have some old doodles TPtR au related... This one portrays an event from the second chapter.

I have a few more things, but they're kinda spoilers and I'm not really into spoiling... Though one of them is just a spoiler of one interesting detail I want to add (the event my sketch shows most likely won't appear in the fic), while the other one is a WHOLE AHH SPOILER of the shit happening in, maybe like 10+ chapter, I'm still not sure how big I want to make the fic, ahaha.

Also rambling and venting out my feelings under the cut because I forgot to take my meds yesterday. You don't have to read but I would be happy if you do.

.

Every time I start something I like, it begins to feel like a small obligation after some time, no matter how I feel about the thing I create. I love my fic and I really want to finish it, because it's also a huge emotional boost for me when I understand that I passed my word count goal in the chapter and I finally can write down my 24/7 daydreaming about CotL (even if not all of them, I often think about selfship, sorry, ahaha),AND I have a nice feedback. BUT. My ability is to abandon things. I have many unfinished drawings, unfinished crafts, like, a crocheted Spycrab or a full-sized HHH tf2 weapon, even though I really want to finish it all, but since I took a really long break, I just abandoned it all. That's usually the reason why I don't make comics. (The only comic I've ever made is that one silly meme about bees). And a month ago I started writing TPtR.

I'm scared of this happening to my fic, that's why I force myself to write if I'm not doing so for more than two days. Somehow it boosts my motivation, but at the same time, the thought of having to force myself to do something, even if I love it, makes me anxious. Why am I not doing anything if I love it? Perhaps it's just my depression with AuDHD kicking in, and sometimes I forget to take my ADs (I don't have ADHD meds yet) that makes me suddenly apathetic about everything. And then anxiety. And then I get sad when I can't come up with words.

Today I was describing the thing I have no experience in. I made tonnes of research, watched many videos of how people do it, tried to find words, but it looks... Meh. And I'm sad. And when I'm sad about something I do, I abandon it. BUT I WON'T. I will force myself to not, because I still want to write! I try to reassure myself that it looks shitty because it's still a draft and written in my native language. However, if looking at my current word count, the chapter won't be short, and it makes me happy. I'm sad and happy. I'm confused about my feelings about what I do!! I can just abandon doing ANYTHING and be lazy for years as it happened in middle school! But I have to force myself. To do anything at all. I already bed rot when I'm not studying, and if I'm studying at home, I still do it in bed. I'm losing weight (I'm severely underweight), my dogs feel bad (they're almost 12), it's my final year in school so I also study hard for my finals, my dreams say weird things (I believe in dream-telling or whatever, and I kinda can decipher them) and it all devours me from inside. But I can't give myself a rest. Or. I'll. Abandon. The thing. I love!

I'm repeating, but my head repeats everything most of the time as well, it's either loud and messy (adhd) or quiet and agonizing (autism), my ADs make my body parts twitch, I don't think that I need my therapist anymore, because it feels like there's no different between me before and me after talking to her.

I love my friends though. Their cheerful reaction to my fic or sketch updates is something that also boosts my motivation of doing something. I love art because of the feeling of creating something, but after finishing, I get the desire to see someone's reaction to what I did.

That's all, I think. I mean, not all, but I don't want to repeat again and again, my memory is getting worse as well, I feel like I kin Shamura ahahahha. I want to take an MRI. What if I have a tumor.

[geoledgy]

Does anyone else have a complicated relationship with posting/sharing art publicly online? I've been finding it very difficult to have any motivation to share art/crosspost anymore. It doesn't sit well with me.

With the way that social media sites are built, it feels more like posting my art is meant for others to "consume" it and that I am expected to always share anything I make for the entertainment of others rather than start a conversation or connect with community, because everything on social medias is so fast paced and my posts are often visually competing on the feed (if not working against an algorithm) to be seen by a person. And it's like, it's not that I don't appreciate all the likes and shares on my art, I really do and I like sharing stuff I do that I'm proud of but unfortunately it just feels so superficial after a certain point especially on Twitter/Bsky/Instagram, when anything I post racks up thousands of notes yet no one says anything about it. It's shared around the internet space but I get no gratification (And honestly I'm so glad people on Tumblr are more inclined to comment on art but I wish I could respond to tags to tell them how much I appreciate their response and have a conversation!!)

On Sheezy, I just post whenever I want and it's for organization and gallery purposes, also bc I really want to have my art posted there and honestly no where else, just like back then on dA when that was my only site to post art. And since nothing can be shared the way art is shared/RT'd/etc on social media, I did it because it was fun and more of a community thing than really wanting popularity or anything. I post art to start a conversation, to share my knowledge, and to express myself. I honestly even set a small goal for myself to comment on 3-5 pieces on Sheezy whenever I log in, and say something nice about someone's art because I know they'd appreciate something small like that on an incredibly fast-paced internet.

I get more gratification from posting my art in RP discord servers where likes/shares are not a thing, and everyone is more encouraged to comment and talk about the piece.

The art side of the public internet just makes me very sad nowadays, and it just isn't fun to post publicly most of the time anymore. I have no reason to do so either because my main job isn't art lol

[nomlioart]

I'm sorry...

Hi... I wasn't active because I was healing from everything that happened to me and I was trying to stay safe. I still am. I only come for a short while now, because before I was scared to say anything even though I really wanted to.

Some of you may have heard of the drama with MatchaBunns from twitter, some may not. I don't want to go into great detail about what happened since I don't want to go back to it, I want to forget about it and never go back to it. In short, the previously mentioned person was accused of grooming. And I, naive and thoughtless, defended them, being tricked and manipulated by them, which made me think that there was no grooming. I was trying to defend my no longer friend. Now just thinking about how I didn't realize what grooming really was makes me nauseous. I wanted to help them because I thought that what they were saying was credible, I wanted to trust them. It turned out, however, that I had been defending the wrong person all this time. I feel sick and disgusting of it. They just made my trust issues grow stronger so much. If some friends hadn't reached out to me and convinced me that these actions were seriously wrong, I would have never realized it and been living a lie all the time, convincing myself that the lie was truth.

I want to seriously apologize with all my heart for everything I said, for all my lies, for all the stupid things I did, for just being in touch with Matcha. I don't wanna be like this. I never wanted to be like this. I just wanted to make friends, I always had problems making friends because of my fear and back then I finally felt wanted and appreciated. I just wanted to help, but it only led to a bigger disaster. I'm scared of Matcha. And most of all I seriously wanted to apologize to the victim of all this, who I will leave anonymous. If you're seeing this, you didn't deserve any of this. I don't expect any forgiveness, but I want you to know, all of you, that I seriously mean it, I want you to believe me that I'm really.. really sorry, for all the harm I've done helping them. I am no longer associated with Matcha since April and I made sure I blocked them on all social media I am on. In fact, I myself wanted to break off contact with Matcha since February because I was starting to feel uncomfortable in their company, but I didn't do it because I thought others would turn away from me, thinking that it would be a bad decision. Now I think I could've done it much earlier. Since then I'm not and won't be involved in any dramas anymore and I'll be less active in communities. These last few months it was really tragic for me because of this situation, I had panic attacks many times, I cried every day non-stop, I had four attempts... So far I am getting help, trying not to go back to it and be a better person. I really wanna change, I don't want to be in contact with people who may have a bad influence on me anymore. I'm still young, stupid, naive.. But I still have brains, I should be better than this.

I still have no idea if I'll ever come back here, it may be that I will come back but it may also be that I won't come back at all. My main goal was to say sorry for everything...

However, I am certain of my decision to never return to Twitter, it was a comfort place for me but after a while I realized that it's horrendous. Most of the people there are toxic heartless beings who hurt others.

I will understand if most people don't want to know me now, I don't blame them, quite the opposite, but those who still want to stay, thank you. Thank you so much. You are all important to me, at first I posted and did my art mainly for myself, but seeing how many people support me and love seeing my work, it only lifted my spirits and I did it for you too. I never felt like I would go this far... It was all thanks to you. I love you. And thank you for reading.

nomlio

[empty-movement]

May I ask what scanners / equipment / software you're using in the utena art book project? I'm an artist and half the reason I rarely do traditional art is because I'm never happy with the artwork after it's scanned in. But the level of detail even in the blacks of Utena's uniform were all captured so beautifully! And even the very light colors are showing up so well! I'd love to know how you manage!

You know what's really fun? This used to be something you put in your site information section, the software and tools used! Not something that's as normal anymore, but let's give it a go, sorry it's long because I don't know what's new information and what's not! Herein: VANNA'S 'THIS IS AS SPECIFIC AS MY BREAK IS LONG' GUIDE/AIMLESS UNEDITED RAMBLE ABOUT SCANNING IMAGES

Scanning: Modern scanners, by and large, are shit for this. The audience for scanning has narrowed to business and work from home applications that favor text OCR, speed, and efficiency over archiving and scanning of photos and other such visual media. It makes sense--there was a time when scanning your family photographs and such was a popular expected use of a scanner, but these days, the presumption is anything like that is already digital--what would you need the scanner to do that for? The scanner I used for this project is the same one I have been using for *checks notes* a decade now. I use an Epson Perfection V500. Because it is explicitly intended to be a photo scanner, it does threebthings that at this point, you will pay a niche user premium for in a scanner: extremely high DPI (dots per inch), extremely wide color range, and true lossless raws (BMP/TIFF.) I scan low quality print media at 600dpi, high quality print media at 1200 dpi, and this artbook I scanned at 2400 dpi. This is obscene and results in files that are entire GB in size, but for my purposes and my approach, the largest, clearest, rawest copy of whatever I'm scanning is my goal. I don't rely on the scanner to do any post-processing. (At these sizes, the post-processing capacity of the scanner is rendered moot, anyway.) I will replace this scanner when it breaks by buying another identical one if I can find it. I have dropped, disassembled to clean, and abused this thing for a decade and I can't believe it still tolerates my shit. The trade off? Only a couple of my computers will run the ancient capture software right. LMAO. I spent a good week investigating scanners because of the insane Newtype project on my backburner, and the quality available to me now in a scanner is so depleted without spending over a thousand on one, that I'd probably just spin up a computer with Windows 7 on it just to use this one. That's how much of a difference the decade has made in what scanners do and why. (Enshittification attacks! Yes, there are multiple consumer computer products that have actually declined in quality over the last decade.)

Post-processing: Photoshop. Sorry. I have been using Photoshop for literally decades now, it's the demon I know. While CSP is absolutely probably the better piece of software for most uses (art,) Photoshop is...well it's in the name. In all likelihood though, CSP can do all these things, and is a better product to give money to. I just don't know how. NOTENOTENOTE: Anywhere I discuss descreening and print moire I am specifically talking about how to clean up *printed media.* If you are scanning your own painting, this will not be a problem, but everything else about this advice will stand! The first thing you do with a 2400 dpi scan of Utena and Anthy hugging? Well, you open it in Photoshop, which you may or may not have paid for. Then you use a third party developer's plug-in to Descreen the image. I use Sattva. Now this may or may not be what you want in archiving!!! If fidelity to the original scan is the point, you may pass on this part--you are trying to preserve the print screen, moire, half-tones, and other ways print media tricks the eye. If you're me, this tool helps translate the raw scan of the printed dots on the page into the smooth color image you see in person. From there, the vast majority of your efforts will boil down to the following Photoshop tools: Levels/Curves, Color Balance, and Selective Color. Dust and Scratches, Median, Blur, and Remove Noise will also be close friends of the printed page to digital format archiver. Once you're happy with the broad strokes, you can start cropping and sizing it down to something reasonable. If you are dealing with lots of images with the same needs, like when I've scanned doujinshi pages, you can often streamline a lot of this using Photoshop Actions.

My blacks and whites are coming out so vivid this time because I do all color post-processing in Photoshop after the fact, after a descreen tool has been used to translate the dot matrix colors to solids they're intended to portray--in my experience trying to color correct for dark and light colors is a hot mess until that process is done, because Photoshop sees the full range of the dots on the image and the colors they comprise, instead of actually blending them into their intended shades. I don't correct the levels until I've descreened to some extent.

As you can see, the print pattern contains the information of the original painting, but if you try to correct the blacks and whites, you'll get a janky mess. *Then* you change the Levels:

If you've ever edited audio, then dealing with photo Levels and Curves will be familiar to you! A well cut and cleaned piece of audio will not cut off the highs and lows, but also will make sure it uses the full range available to it. Modern scanners are trying to do this all for you, so they blow out the colors and increase the brightness and contrast significantly, because solid blacks and solid whites are often the entire thing you're aiming for--document scanning, basically. This is like when audio is made so loud details at the high and low get cut off. Boo.

What I get instead is as much detail as possible, but also at a volume that needs correcting:

Cutting off the unused color ranges (in this case it's all dark), you get the best chance of capturing the original black and white range:

In some cases, I edit beyond this--for doujinshi scans, I aim for solid blacks and whites, because I need the file sizes to be normal and can't spend gigs of space on dust. For accuracy though, this is where I'd generally stop.

For scanning artwork, the major factor here that may be fucking up your game? Yep. The scanner. Modern scanners are like cheap microphones that blow out the audio, when what you want is the ancient microphone that captures your cat farting in the next room over. While you can compensate A LOT in Photoshop and bring out blacks and whites that scanners fuck up, at the end of the day, what's probably stopping you up is that you want to use your scanner for something scanners are no longer designed to do well. If you aren't crazy like me and likely to get a vintage scanner for this purpose, keep in mind that what you are looking for is specifically *a photo scanner.* These are the ones designed to capture the most range, and at the highest DPI. It will be a flatbed. Don't waste your time with anything else.

Hot tip: if you aren't scanning often, look into your local library or photo processing store. They will have access to modern scanners that specialize in the same priorities I've listed here, and many will scan to your specifications (high dpi, lossless.)

Ahem. I hope that helps, and or was interesting to someone!!!

[mrfellsans]

Crazy to think it's almost 2025..currently 9pm while I'm writing this and I wanted to say a few things

I might get into a bit of sensitive topics so be aware!

If you don't wanna read everything I wrote it's fine, short note:

thank you guys so much, sorry I didn't draw anything! have an amazing new year and I'm wishing you all the best genuinely from the bottom of my heart ❤

Hey first off I wanted to start it on a nice note and say HAPPY NEW YEARS TO ALL AND ALL OF MY MOOTS, you guys really changed me I mean I made SO many friends online and I'm so grateful for that and I'm also grateful for all the friends I already have that stuck to me or the people I got to know and get closer to this year. Just letting all of you know, my followers, friends, etc that I love you all dearly and I thank you all so much for the support you have no idea how much all of your kind words mean to me I love you all, adding onto that I was also able to improve my art a lot and I'm so proud of myself for that! If you have anything you have improved in just remember it and be proud of yourself for it!

And now to get a bit deep, this year was a roller coaster for me, especially during the end where a lot of stuff was going on with me. I remember at the start of 2024 I thought that I wouldn't live to see it be 2025 and my hopelessness peaked near the end and I was sure that I wouldn't make it, I was in such a horrible place but my family, you guys, other friends and people, you helped me stay here just long enough to see another day and realize that things aren't that bad, I thank everyone that has helped me get through it even when I felt like it wasn't worth it anymore and I have no idea how to thank everyone for it but thank you deeply from the bottom of my heart.

And to end it off, some goals I have next year is to improve more on me and my art. I really wanna learn how to animate, learn anatomy better, just in general I wanna learn SO much more in the art world and I hope this new year I'll achieve that!

I love you all.

And I hope you have an amazing new year ❤

-Selever

@yago-undertale @luigigirl12 @candymagnolia @izzy-the-chaotic-gremlin @moonflower-pies @cutechan555 @paras1t1c-squ1dd @bigboybird @trasho-pando2011 @tv-peppino @miaar10112 @pizzatowet13 @misdreavusplush @echostarsys @fluffygiraffe @nightofthephant0ms @yourlocalxiaosimp @idiotspage @mattplatonic @alan-william @radaverse @ask-crow-aus @the-rainbow-sandwich @panhbr @mrcarrotcakestuff @sa1tamasbiggestfan @djeycartanime05 @somecartoonisttalkshere @bellagrimfox @noir-ish-bee @lunar-dal @alice-the-demon @sunny-ismyname and literally many others

Sorry for the tag I just looked for moots that popped up on my notification box or I could think of at the top of my head so if you weren't included please don't feel bad, this is meant for all my moots and followers to see and yea pretty much! (＾ｖ＾) 

[mtkay13]

Lord Zhou and the Ghost Valley Master Cross-posting because i'm just that wild, hah! /jk More about the art below! --and a little talk about WenZhou and their relationship to power (+ some meta).

So hum, it is no secret that I enjoy a bit of "spice" in WenZhou's dynamic and at times am very prolific on my nsfw twitter account.

Collars and leash stuff have been on and off, and I was recently enabled for more of that by friends going wild about ZZS on a leash, etc, etc. LBR: I don't think you need any reason to go feral about that kind of stuff--but seeing how I myself seemed to regress to the state of a wild horny beast while making this painting, I felt like I may need to adress it a little. Here are some of my thoughts about WenZhou & power:

WKX and ZZS are both men who are/were in a position of extreme power. Both rose to that position of extreme power, but from very different starting points and motivations.

ZZS was, from what we know from how he describes himself in TYK and from how he behaves in QY, a very smart, cocky, ambitious kid, who probably deliberately sold his services to HLY to keep rising. There were probably ideals mixed in that, but point is, ZZS desired that power, that influence, and was encouraged to reach it. Becoming a sect leader so young was probably a shock, but nothing indicates that this position wasn't wanted. ZZS also mentioned not having a physique as advantageous as ZCL's when he was a child; so he probably had to work hard to reach his goals. Point is: the power was desired and strived for.

WKX has, without a doubt, needed the power, without ever really showing any pleasure nor satisfaction in having it. Surviving in the GV =/= reaching the top; if anything, becoming the GVM put the largest target on his head--but it is likely that reaching the position of GVM was necessary for him to execute his plan (find the key, pull the right strings, obtain his revenge). WKX was a little genius who didn't want to study, and probably wasn't dreaming/aiming for power. Conclusion: the power was a necessity and a tool. Many various characterisation points/analysis/dynamics can be pulled from this, and it is quite interesting to explore how, later, their relationship to power can evolve, both re:the rest of the world and each other. For the following personal analysis, I also worked with the following points from the book:

ZZS admires WKX's strength and power

WKX seems to have multiple fantasies of control and domination

ZZS seems receptive to many of them (including the biting, the somno stuff, and the cnc suggestions)

WKX admires/envies/resents ZZS' freedom

ZZS has fun becoming a subversion of his past self (swearing, being gross, being ridiculous, being openly cocky)

WKX is a control-freak and is very patient

ZZS is a bit conservative

WKX quite the opposite

Now how does that bring me to ZZS on a leash for the GVM?

(note that this is my current conclusion, not the conclusion)

I like to think that on the one hand, ZZS is that man who sees himself as a man and enjoys a lot of things about masculinity. The power that he likes for himself, he also enjoys seeing it in someone else's hands--he likes fighting for it, but (and this is a very personal interpretation) I like to believe he gets the most thrills from being overpowered; because it shows how strong the other is, bc it subverts whom he is himself. The power he's fought to get, has had all his life, but ended up leaving him alone at the top, feels good when taken from him--or when there's someone strong enough that he isn't alone up there anymore. On the other hand, I feel like although WKX would benefit from relinquishing some control and power, he does enjoy using it in a personal, pleasurable way, rather than by necessity. While he probably likes toying with presentations, with appearances, and doesn't mind being perceived as the wife, as the more submissive one in their fake-traditional relationship play of husband and wife, having the power, holding the leash---simply out of pleasure and mutual satisfaction is, I think very cathartic and arousing for him.

But then, why precanon? For the aesthetic bc I'm a simp for TC!era ZZS. And because showing him so strong, so powerful, yet leashed, is kind of a reminder that... It's not about real power. It's not about who, between them, is the strongest, the most powerful, the winner or whatever. It adds that thrill, the aknowledgement that this is out of freewill and choice and pleasure, I guess.

On top of that, man, I'm sorry, but peak TC!ZZS right post-QY canon after he's become the most powerful man in the country but is completely jaded by what happened in the end? On a leash? For a man he respects?? ugh

Anyway TLDR; I think it's hot and all of that gibberish barely has anything to do with my actual motivations to draw this.

[sukifoof-art]

Hi, I really liked your art and all and was a fan of you, until you started posting things about supporting a state which is controlled by a terrorist organization that doesn’t care about their own civilians and when any donations come there it doesn’t go to the people who need it but to Hamas, and by donating to Gaza not only do you not help the people in Gaza ,but you also help a terrorist organization who doesn’t care who it needs to kill in order to achieve its goal.

Also when I saw you reposted a post who supported the people in the picture’s with all PLO flags (which weren’t the main problem there) ,it seriously hurt me to see that one picture where people were stepping on USA flags and Israel flags. like….why would you support someone who obviously hate you(assuming you’re from the USA) but even if you aren’t from the USA then think about the fact that you’re LGBTQ, these people HATE people who are Queer and kills them ,so I really can’t understand how are you supporting people who want you dead and are against feminism.

I really hope that what I wrote helped you see this complex situation more clearly and I beg you to look at the situation from both sides.

so this means everyone there deserves to die? this means that a whole school year of children needs to be wiped out? that hospitals must be bombed and millions displaced and communication be cut off? that every palestinian must pay with their lives? that every closeted queer palestinian should die? are you seriously that dense. i made it clear i do not want people who support a genocide following me. have you bothered reading palestinian voices from queering the map? those who regret not saying they were in love and dont even have the chance anymore because thousands are dying? i genuinely don't know what to say to you to make you realize these are real, actual people who are dead. you speak of palestinians as if they're a monolith and not real individual people who had thoughts and dreams. none of these people deserved to die, even if they hate people like me. people can change and learn and grow and they weren't even given the chance. i am so sick of seeing fellow queer people SUPPORT GENOCIDE because they can't be bothered to think about others and their experiences for more than two seconds. of all the queer experiences i've read this is one of the most heartbreaking, and it's from gaza.

do NOT act like queer people and their families aren't being harmed and DO NOT come into my ask box supporting ethnic cleansing. there is never any reason for thousands of people to live in fear of airstrikes and white phosphorous, or to be stuck beneath rubble and in hospitals that don't even have power. if the idea of THOUSANDS DYING wasn't enough to upset you, there are so many videos of parents mourning their children, children mourning their parents, children and pets shaking in fear for me to not have explain to you that genocide is bad. there is NEVER any reason to JUSTIFY GENOCIDE. that should be clear enough. again, if you are complicit or try to justify genocide, do not follow me and DO NOT try to make me "see the situation from both sides". to be so privileged that you can sit here and write out paragraphs supporting genocide says enough about you.

if you see this i am begging you to contact your government, just do anything you can. even just spreading the word helps because palestine can't. the most important thing is to not give up hope. mourn the dead, and fight like hell for the living.

[papermonkeyism]

I think I'm finally starting to recover, after a few years of artistic dry season.

The plague was a big hit, then losing my job and finally my social life collapsing once my IRL DnD group basically disbanded pretty much destroyed what creative juiced I had always lived on up to that point, and it's been HARD to just not having any desire to be creative or do anything.

But now that I have a job again, and have had it for long enough my bank account is stable, and having been adopted into a new DnD group that's active both in-game (weekly game sessions!) and outside of it (we actually talk and communicate generally as well! It's mostly online, but it's still more than I've had in years), I have started to feel more like myself again. That, and the brain meds. I can't overstate how big it is that my default doesn't have to be brain fog anymore.

Like, I'm doing evening doodles again? I'm actually having fun thinking up creatures and characters and plots again? I stopped carrying my sketchbook and pencil case with me everywhere I went during my dry stint of nothing, but now I actually feel like I'm missing it when I don't have it on me at times, like during coffee shop visits.

And I kinda... want to MAKE a thing again.

(Just thinking out loud again, pay no mind.)

I miss having a Project.

Jumping back into making fully plotted out comic feels a bit too much at this stage, though, so I probably won't dedicate myself wholely to something of that scale.

I don't know what exactly will be the final shape of Arcanth's eventual thing, but I'm currently enjoying myself in the fiddly worldbuilding stage. (And just so you know, in the slight off chance that I might maybe pick Wurr back up again some day, I probably won't tell you about it. After all this time and all the messages I've gotten, I don't trust you guys with that one anymore. Even if I would eventually get back to posting it online, it won't happen untill I have a full year's worth of buffer and that would still be a loooooooong way from now even IF I got back to it full time, and I still have that day job besides anyway.)

But what if...

I think an art book or a zine or something might be more achievable at this point.

I feel like the dinosaur project thingy needs some more fiddling with its eventual format (I know I already have enough concept doodles to fill a zine on its own, but I crave an excuse to go ham with watercolors and make full illustrations), but it's one option I still want to make eventually.

And I kinda want to do a slight redesign for the Singing People. (I bought a skull replica a while ago that had narrower snout than how I had drawn them. And I know it doesn't matter that much, and I can always invoke artistic licence and "they aren't necessarily supposed to be any specific real life dinosaur species, it could always go with the 'undiscovered' route if I feel like it and the Troodon/Stenonychosaurus material is super fragmentary anyway", but I'm pretty sure it would bother me anyway if I didn't at least try it out and see how it looked.)

Though I think I got an idea about what to do with Entica!

Those of you who've been here a while know that one started out as my pandemic project. The world had just shut down along with my job warehouse, things were still new and uncertain, and I suddenly had so much free time and not much to sink my creative juices into, and I wanted something low pressure to do.

So I dug up an old setting from my teenage years two decades ago, gave it a facelift, threw out my teenage baggage and just ran wild. No planning, no plot, just art.

The "no planning" part did get back to bite me when the morbs eventually hit and I finally ran out of the creative juices, but that's still a lot of very good material, right there, ready to use.

But I just thought of a new framing device that would work with the already existing material AND give the character more of a goal and agency to make plotting more fun! And I think I like it.

Instead of a random scribe with no background from a place I didn't bother designing who just wants to see the world, Didor now works for a library that has sent her on a mission [to document something and/or take a message to *place*]. She still wants to see the world, but now she has a background, goal and a motive to do so!

And instead of just hanging around at Maaro's cart while Maaro does her own unrelated thing, Maaro is actively helping in her goal! While also doing her job.

I feel that having Didor be on a field work mission would give it more structure while not having to technically retcon anything already existing, and gives more solid excuse to do things than "random encounter number 82" would. Also potential reasons for further adventures ("While you're already out there, could you maybe also do X on the way?")

Also I want to insert nawani in it earlier. I didn't even have them as part of the setting untill psrt way through, and I want to show them off more.

Maybe a travel journal, perhaps?

[a-star-that-burns-brightly]

Y'know, for a series that's themed so heavily around deception, misplaced trust, and things not being as great as they seem, it's so interesting to me how we have a total of three characters who have stories that involve a powerful, wealthy individual manipulating them and causing them or their loved ones harm during times of financial struggle or straight-up poverty XF-Ture Tech greeted the impoverish Jeung family with the offer to pay off all of their expenses, only at the cost of their daughter, Min, becoming the Ultimate Student 12 years down the line. This led Min from ages five to seventeen to work away her entire life to achieve this goal, turning her into the perfect image of an Ultimate that Hope's Peak Academy wanted to see, at the cost of her childhood and her autonomy.

Min: I don't know why that man would sponsor some random child, nor why it would be me of all people. And I never had the time nor space to figure out the answer to that question. Min: Failure was not something I even considered, because if I failed, then there would be no future for me or my family. Min: I had simply accepted for my whole life that I would be the Ultimate Student, and I lived my life accordingly. That's why the Academy chose me.

The Lacroix family was sent into a river of debt by their daughter Rose, and when all hope seemed to be lost, Richard Spurling offered to clear her charges and pay off her fines if she decided to work under him as a painter for the Spurling Foundation. Any semblance of herself in Rose's works has now dissipated, her sense of identity only tied to the contract she signed with an angelic devil.

Rose: Forever working to pay off my mistakes, and never being able to call my art my own... This isn't the life of an artist that I wanted. It's not what anyone would want. Rose: All I do is make paintings on others' beck and call. It's been so long that I don't think I remember how to paint something original anymore. Rose: That spark of vitality is missing from anything I make. Like this painting. And I can't help but feel like I'm missing a part of myself.

Little is known about the details of Xander's story at this time, but we know enough to know that he falls into this category too. The Matthews family lived in a town with an understaffed hospital and a river as their only water source, leaving them unprepared for an incident that would gruesomely wipe them out. Meanwhile, Duke Spurling, a wealthy man in extreme power being a politician, who instead of using his power for good was, from what we can tell, sitting on his dollar bills while the innocents around him lost function in their limbs.

Xander: I read that it was like rotting from the outside in. Xander: Your limbs would stop working before your organs did, and you would lie there and feel yourself die and be unable to do anything about it. Xander: There was only one dinky understaffed hospital for miles, one that could barely handle a minor flu outbreak, much less that 'incident' Xander: I read that it took weeks before they even figured out what to do with all the bodies. They left them where they died. After all, there was no one left to move them. Xander: It was during May, that time of the year there when the temperature quickly grows to be excruciatingly hot. Xander: You know what that does to corpses, right? I'm sure the smell was unbearable--

It's just really interesting to me how this is a theme across all three characters, and I can't help but wonder if this will carry over to some of the other characters as well.

[meggahamicide]

Tell me a bit about your Sep AU

*Smacks lips* Well, since you asked so nicely.

First thing's first, my pinned post has a bunch of info on the character designs and basic stuff, but most of what I've revealed thus far is here.

Now for me to rant.

Without saying too much to keep from big spoilers and to summarize some of my other posts, Vermin (Leo) was raised by Draxum. He was educated and was studied by the yokai through about eight years, in which an event later that year resulted in the loss of Draxum's arm revealed Vermin's healing abilities and, in addition, his innate ability to wield mystic energy. I don't want to reveal too much of Vermin's past anymore, but in the end, too much overextended use of his abilities caused him to lose most of his capacity to use them safely.

Cue Draxum kinda loosing whatever morals he had left and forcing Vermin into a plethora of experiments in hopes of making him stronger, many of which altered his body via extra mutations, another resulting in the ports you see in my art on the sides of his neck and arms. The reason for the ports is to inject Vermin with a mutagenic variant of the ooze that Draxum created for the sole purpose of boosting Vermin's skills in combat without the use of his mystics.

Anyway, Vermin eventually comes to the conclusion that this situation isn't quite right and he's tired of the way Draxum uses him, so he leaves at the ripe age of fourteen and runs to the surface where he hopes his creator wont look for him.

A huge kerfuffle ends with April meeting Vermin and later taking him to the brothers when the slider gets injured, where he gets stuck for the majority of the story.

Personality wise, Vermin is a distrustful being. A lifetime of learning to never rely on others or put faith in unwarranted kindness taught him that it's best to keep everyone at arms length. He relies on being one step ahead of anyone and often secludes himself if he doesn't think he can gain anything from the brothers. When he's with the family, his features are often a mimic of whatever expression he can think to gain favor, but if that doesn't work, he drops all pretenses and instead either runs or uses force, a remnant of a lifetime under Draxum's tutelage.

It both surprises and scares him when he starts to like the brothers, so much so that he's at war with his own emotions a few months into meeting them, but it takes years for him to begin unlearning the automatic habits that he'd learned. When his mask starts to crack, the brothers start to see more of the terrified child that never learned to love, so they make it their goal to urge him out of his shell, even when a lot of the time Vermin gets angry and violent or tries to convince himself that they're lying and they'd never be interested in knowing him if not for his skills in fighting.

This is where we see the classic Leo's insecurity and what I look forward to exploring as I start to really get into fleshing out the story. As the story goes on, he starts to realize that fighting and being better at outsmarting his opponents really isn't the most important thing in life and as a result, he feels incompetent in comparison to the brothers, who are so closely connected that he feels like an outsider a lot of the time.

But resilience is key and the brothers aren't likely to give up on Vermin so soon (even if they have yet to learn Draxum raised him).

Well, I hope you enjoyed the can of worms you just opened, and I hope that this give some insight in to the au that I've been teasing for so long!