#I don't get the anger outside of people just being mad that people don't like them misgendering someone

[astro-b-o-y-d]

Nobody tell this website that egg jokes aren't annoying because the concept of someone potentially being a trans woman instead of a feminine man is somehow bad (it's not in the slightest and if that does turn out to be the case, said woman should be treated with nothing but respect in terms of her gender identity). They're annoying because you do not know that person and misgendering anyone is rude and even if you're right, that's not anyone's business but theirs and you're still misgendering them now.

[stylesispunk]

"Did the love affair maim you too"? Part iii

Joel Miller x f!reader

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Summary: Joel is trying to recover and understand his feelings for you, or It took him almost to lose you to know how important you are to him.

word count: 14k (this is what I call, the filling chapter)

warnings: Angst, fluff, mentions of blood, injuries, and mentions of death, more angst. (haha) f

a/n: Hello! Part 3 is here! Once again, I want to thank everyone who had read this story, so much love for you. I don't feel so proud about this one, this chapter is more like a filling one, the one stuck in the middle, the important things that will happen here were going to happen but not in the same way because I wrote it in a rush and after being sad because of a man. Reblogs and comments are always appreciated. Happy reading.

dividers by @/saradika-graphics

The storm kept raging outside, with fury, while these four walls you were in were protecting you from the haunting memories on your mind.

Your heart was beating hard against your ribs; you could feel the air abandoning your lungs, and your head was spinning all over the place, trying to focus your racing thoughts on another thing but Joel.

The Joel who was standing in your living room.

The Joel who remembered your fear of storms

The Joel who had come to your house to protect you from your demons.

The Joel who was now looking at you with a glimpse of hope in his eyes, patiently waiting for you to utter a word.

“You said you would never wear that t-shirt again,” you said bitterly, your voice tinged with an emotion you couldn’t quite name. It wasn’t anger, but it wasn’t quite sadness either. It was a fine line between a lingering sense of loss and longing for him.

A feeling you couldn’t let go.

Joel’s gaze flicked down to the shirt he was wearing, a ghost of a smile tugging at the corner of his lips, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “I did, didn’t I?” he said softly, almost as if he were talking to himself. “I said a lot of things that morning.”

You remembered that morning all too well. It was the day everything changed—the day Joel had looked at you like you were the only thing keeping him grounded in a world gone mad. But then he got his memories back, and the man who had loved you was gone, replaced by the same cold, distant Joel who had once barely tolerated your presence.

“I said a lot of things too,” you replied, your voice trembling with the effort to keep your emotions in check. “But none of it matters now, does it?”

Joel flinched at the bitterness in your tone, his hand rubbing the back of his neck—a nervous habit you had come to recognize. “It matters,” he said quietly, his eyes searching yours as if trying to find something in the depths of your gaze. “I just… I don’t remember everything, but I remember you. I remember enough to know that I don’t want to lose you.”

The air in your lungs got stuck. You wanted to believe him, wanted to trust that the man who had once loved you was still in there somewhere, fighting to break free. But the wounds of his departure were still too fresh, too raw.

“It’s not that simple,” you whispered, your voice barely audible over the howling wind. “You don’t just get to pick up where we left off, Joel. You can’t just—”

“I know,” he cut in, his voice firm but not unkind. He took a step closer, his boots scruffing against the worn floorboards. “I know it’s not that simple. But I’m here now, and I’m not leaving. Not again. Not unless you tell me to.”

You swallowed hard, the lump in your throat making it difficult to speak. The walls around you felt like they were closing in, the memories of what you had lost pressing down on you like a weight you couldn’t bear. You had built up defenses and kept people at arm’s length because losing them hurt too much. But here was Joel, standing before you, offering a glimmer of something you thought was lost forever.

“What do you want, Joel?” You said, your voice almost breaking.

Joel hesitated, his eyes searching yours as if he were trying to find the right words, the ones that would make both of you go back in time to that night when you shared your “I love you” for the first time, even though you both knew it wasn't that simple. The storm outside roared on, shaking the walls, but it was the storm inside that threatened to tear you apart.

“I want…” He trailed off, running a hand through his damp hair, his brow furrowed in thought. “I want to make things right. I know I messed up; I know I hurt you—hell, I hurt myself too. But I can’t keep pretending like you don’t matter, like this—” he gestured between the two of you, “—doesn’t matter.”

Your heart clenched at his words, the sincerity in his voice making it harder to keep the walls up, but you couldn't just let him back in, not after everything. “You can’t just say that and expect it to fix things,” you replied, your voice barely above a whisper. “You don’t remember, Joel. You don’t remember what we had.”

“I know,” he said quietly, his eyes never leaving yours. “I don’t remember everything, and I don’t know if I ever will. But I remember enough to know that losing you would be the worst mistake of my life.”

You swallowed hard, the emotions welling up inside you, threatening to spill over.

“I-I- When you’re close to me, I feel like I can’t breathe.” He said emotions made his voice tremble. “All that pain I get from the migraines stops the second you’re a closer, and I didn’t know why, but my body somehow felt it. It’s like something inside my chest is aching for you.”

Joel's words hung in the air, heavy with the weight of his confession. The raw vulnerability in his voice was something you hadn't heard in him before, something that cut through the layers of hurt and anger you'd built up around yourself. The storm outside seemed to intensify as if echoing the turmoil within you, but all you could focus on was the man standing before you, baring his soul in a way that left you breathless.

Your heart raced as you tried to process what he was saying, the truth of his words settling deep into your bones. The walls you had put up to protect yourself, to keep him at a distance, were crumbling, and the emotions you had tried so hard to keep buried were bubbling to the surface.

“I don’t know what this is,” he continued, his voice trembling as he struggled to find the right words. “But I can’t ignore it. I’ve tried; God knows I’ve tried, but I can’t. Every time I’m near you, it’s like something inside me is telling me that I need you, that I can’t lose you again.”

Tears welled up in your eyes, and you bit your lip, trying to keep them at bay. You wanted to stay strong, to keep the walls up, but Joel’s words were breaking through every defense you had. His pain, his confusion, mirrored your own, and the connection between you was undeniable, even if it was tangled up in the mess of lost memories and shattered trust.

“I’m scared, Joel,” you admitted, your voice barely more than a whisper. It was the first time you had allowed yourself to say it out loud, to acknowledge the fear that had been gnawing at you ever since he had walked back into your life. “I’m scared of getting hurt again, of losing you all over again.”

He took a step closer, his hand reaching out to gently cup your cheek, his touch warm and reassuring. “I’m scared too,” he confessed, his thumb brushing away the tear that had escaped down your cheek. “I don’t know what’s happening to me,” Joel continued, his voice thick with emotion. “After today, I went to my house, and I remembered kissing you. I remember your face everywhere, and it felt like my own heart feared my feelings because I know I did things wrong with you, and I don’t want this.” He spoke.

“What do you mean?” you asked, feeling the tears in the corner of your eyes.

“I don’t want to love you,” he confessed.

Joel's confession hung in the air like a heavy weight, pressing down on both of you. His words were raw, laced with a vulnerability that was almost painful to witness. You felt your breath catch in your throat, the tears that had been threatening to spill over finally breaking free.

For a moment, you were stunned into silence, the admission cutting through you like a knife. The honesty in his voice, the fear that laced his words—it was all too much, too overwhelming.

I don’t want to love you felt like an insult being thrown at you.

You had allowed him to get closer and touch you just to be hurt by his words again.

You took a step back, pulling away from his touch as the hurt washed over you in waves. “Why would you say that?” You choked out, your voice trembling with a mixture of anger and heartbreak. "Why did you come here to say that to me?”

Joel’s face crumpled, regret and anguish etched into his features as he saw the effect his words had on you. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, his voice breaking. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you. But I’m scared, and I don’t know how to handle this.”

The room felt stifling, the walls closing in as the weight of his confession settled between you. You had allowed yourself to hope, to believe that maybe, just maybe, you could have something good in this broken world. But now, that hope felt like it was slipping through your fingers, leaving you with nothing but the cold, harsh reality of what was happening.

“I let you in,” you whispered, the tears streaming down your face. “I let you get close, and now you’re telling me you don’t want it? That you don’t want me?”

“No,” Joel said quickly, shaking his head as he reached for you, but you took another step back, keeping the distance between you. “That’s not what I’m saying. I do want you—I want you more than anything. But I’m afraid. I’m afraid of what it means and of what I could lose. I’ve lost so much already, and I don’t know if I can take losing you too.”

His words tugged at your heart, but the hurt was still too fresh, too raw. “You’re hurting me right now, Joel,” you said, your voice trembling. “By telling me you don’t want to love me, you’re hurting me more.”

Joel's face twisted in anguish as he heard your words, the pain in your voice cutting through him like a knife. He took a shaky breath, his eyes filled with a mixture of regret and desperation.

“I don’t know how to deal with this,” he admitted, his voice trembling. “I don’t know how to deal with these feelings. It’s all so damn confusing, and I’m scared—scared of what loving you means, scared of what it could cost me, scared of how much I want you.”

His confession hung in the air, thick with the weight of emotions neither of you had been prepared to confront. The vulnerability in his eyes was something you had rarely seen in him, and it shook you to your core.

“I’ve spent so long keeping everyone at arm’s length,” Joel continued, his voice cracking under the strain of his emotions. “It was easier that way, safer. But you got under my skin. You made me feel things I thought I’d forgotten how to feel. And now, I don’t know what to do with all of it.”

You wanted to be angry, to lash out at him for pulling you in just to push you away, but the pain in his eyes was so real, so raw, that your anger melted away, leaving only a deep, aching sadness in its place.

You looked away, unable to meet his gaze. The truth was, you were terrified—terrified of the feelings that were still so raw, so unresolved. Terrified of the possibility of opening yourself up again, only to be hurt even more deeply.

“I would rather lose you now than do it later,” you whispered, finally meeting his eyes. “The world we live in, the losses we’ve faced—it’s too much. And I don’t know if I can survive losing someone else again.”

Joel’s face tightened, his jaw clenching as he absorbed your words. The pain etched into his features was almost unbearable to see, a reflection of the turmoil that had been brewing between you both for so long.

“I get it,” he said quietly, his voice strained. “I’ve lost more than I ever thought I could bear too. But walking away now, pushing me out—that won’t make it hurt any less if something happens. It just means we never had a chance to try.”

You shook your head, the tears welling up in your eyes. “But what if trying just makes it worse? What if we end up hating each other even more because of it?”

Joel took a small step closer, his eyes never leaving yours. “I’m scared too,” he admitted, his voice low and rough. “But I’d rather take that risk with you than walk away and always wonder what we could’ve had. Because whether you see it or not, you’ve already gotten under my skin. I don’t want to let you go, not when I feel like I’m just starting to remember why I care.”

Your breath hitched, his words pulling at the fragile strings of your heart. The honesty in his eyes, the raw emotion in his voice—it was everything you had feared and longed for all at once.

“But what if it falls apart?” You whispered, the uncertainty trembling in your voice.

“Then we’ll deal with it,” Joel said, his voice steady.

The storm outside continued to rage, the wind howling against the walls of the house, but inside, a fragile understanding was beginning to form. It wasn’t a solution; it wasn’t a cure for the pain you both carried, but it was a step—a small, tentative step towards something more.

“You treated me so badly,” you sobbed, shaking your head.

Joel's expression softened, the weight of your words pressing down on him. He knew you were right—he had treated you badly, even before everything had changed. The guilt gnawed at him, a constant reminder of the mistakes he had made.

"I know," he murmured, his voice thick with regret. "I know I did, and I'm so damn sorry for that. I was... I was lost, and I took it out on you. I pushed you away because I was scared—scared of letting someone in, scared of getting close. But that doesn't excuse what I did. You didn’t deserve any of it."

“But you did it anyway,” you choked out, your voice breaking with the weight of your emotions. “You hurt me, Joel. You made me feel like I was nothing, like I didn’t matter.”

His hand trembled as he reached out to you, his fingers brushing against your arm in a hesitant, almost pleading gesture. “You matter more to me than you know,” he said, his voice raw with emotion. “I see that now, and I’m so sorry I didn’t see it sooner. I don’t know how to make up for what I did, but I want to try. I want to be better, for you and for me.”

“I didn’t choose to fall in love with you, Joel,” you shot, your voice breaking with the force of your emotions. “But here we are, and it’s tearing me apart!”

The room seemed to vibrate with the intensity of your argument, the storm outside a reflection of the storm within. Neither of you wanted to back down; both were too hurt and confused to see a way forward.

“Why are you so afraid of letting me in now?” Joel asked, his voice softer but still filled with desperation. “What’s changed? What’s different to the last time?”

You hesitated, the truth clawing at your throat, but you couldn’t bring yourself to say it. I couldn’t admit that you were terrified of losing him again, of opening yourself up only to have it all ripped away.

“What’s changed?” Joel pressed, “Tell me.”

Your eyes met his, and in that moment, the weight of everything you had been holding back finally broke through. “I’m afraid, Joel,” you whispered, your voice trembling. “I’m afraid that if I let myself love you again, it’s going to destroy me. And I don’t know if I can survive that. I can’t lose someone for a third time.”

Joel’s expression softened, his frustration giving way to something deeper, a sadness that mirrored your own. He reached out as if to touch you but hesitated, his hand hovering between you as if uncertain of its place.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he said quietly, the weight of his own fears etched in every word. “But I’m scared too, scared of what happens if we don’t try. I know I screwed up, and I know I can’t take back what I did, but losing you without even trying? I don’t think I can live with that.”

His voice was raw, vulnerable in a way you hadn’t heard before. The storm outside seemed to still for a moment, the wind’s howl dying down as the two of you stood there, the silence between you filled with the unspoken pain and longing that had been building for weeks.

“I’m not asking you to forgive me right away,” Joel continued, his eyes never leaving yours. “And I’m not asking you to forget what happened. But I am asking for a chance—a chance to prove that I’m not going to walk away again, that I’m not going to forget what you mean to me.”

Tears welled up in your eyes, blurring your vision as you looked at him. His words touched something deep inside you, a part of you that still longed for the connection you’d once shared, despite everything that had happened.

“I don’t know if I can do this, Joel,” you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t know if I can survive losing you a second time.”

He took a step closer, finally closing the distance between you, his hand finding yours in a tentative, gentle touch. “I’m not going to put pressure on you, okay?” he assured you. “For now, let me stay here so you don’t have to be afraid of the storm alone, okay?”

You hesitated, your emotions a tangled mess of fear, longing, and uncertainty. The storm outside was relentless, the wind howling and rain lashing against the windows, mirroring the turmoil inside you. But there was something in Joel’s voice, in the gentle way he held your hand, that made you want to believe him.

“Okay,” you finally whispered, nodding slightly. “You can stay.”

Joel’s expression softened with relief, and he gently squeezed your hand, as if to reassure you that he wasn’t going anywhere. “Thank you,” he said quietly.

The two of you stood there in silence for a moment, the weight of everything that had happened still hanging heavy in the air. But for now, in this small, fragile moment, there was a sense of peace between you.

Joel glanced around the room, taking in the familiar surroundings before his gaze returned to you. “Where do you want me to set up?” he asked, his voice gentle, as if he didn’t want to disrupt the delicate balance of the moment.

You took a deep breath, trying to steady yourself. “You can stay in the living room,” you said, gesturing toward the couch. “I’ll get some blankets for you.”

He nodded, watching as you moved to gather what he’d need. As you handed him the blankets, your fingers brushed against his, and you felt a warmth that contrasted sharply with the chill in the air.

“Are you sure you’ll be okay?” Joel asked, his concern evident as he unfolded the blankets.

You managed a small, faint smile. “I’ll be fine,” you said, though the truth was, you weren’t entirely sure. But for now, having him close, knowing you weren’t alone in the storm, brought a small measure of comfort.

Joel settled onto the couch, arranging the blankets around him. As you turned to head back to your room, you paused, glancing back at him. He was watching you, his eyes filled with a mixture of worry and something else, something deeper that you couldn’t quite name.

“Goodnight, Joel,” you said softly, your voice barely audible over the sound of the storm.

“Goodnight,” he replied, his voice equally soft. “I’m right here if you need anything.”

Joel made his way through the snow-dusted streets of Jackson, his breath puffing out in clouds as he walked toward Lori's house. The early morning light cast long shadows, the town still quiet except for the distant sound of someone chopping wood. The air was crisp, biting at his skin, but it was nothing compared to the unease twisting in his gut.

He reached Lori’s door and knocked, the sound echoing in the stillness. After a moment, the door creaked open, and Lori stood there, wrapped in a thick sweater, her hair tousled from sleep.

“Joel?” she asked, surprise flickering across her face. “What are you doing here so early?”

“I needed to talk to you,” Joel said, his tone serious. He stepped inside when she gestured him in, the warmth of the house enveloping him.

Lori led him to the small living area, where a fire crackled in the hearth. She sat down on the worn couch, motioning for him to join her, but Joel remained standing, his hands shoved deep into his pockets.

“What’s going on?” Lori asked, concern creeping into her voice as she noticed his tension.

Joel took a deep breath, gathering his thoughts. “Lori, I need to be honest with you,” he began, his voice steady but laced with regret. “What we’ve been doing—it was never meant to be serious, and I think we both knew that.”

Lori’s expression shifted slightly, her eyes narrowing as she searched his face. “Yeah, I know. We were just having fun, keeping things casual. But why do I feel like there’s a ‘but’ coming?”

Joel nodded, appreciating her straightforwardness. “There is,” he admitted. “I’ve been figuring some things out, and I’ve realized that I can’t keep doing this. I’ve got someone else in my life, someone who means more to me than I even realized until recently. I need to focus on that, on her.”

Lori’s shoulders slumped slightly, and she let out a small, resigned sigh. “You’re talking about her, aren’t you? The nurse?”

Joel nodded, unable to meet her eyes for a moment. “Yeah. I need to make things right with her.”

Lori’s demeanor shifted noticeably, her smile fading into a tight, bitter expression. “So, you’re just going to walk away? After everything?”

Joel winced at the edge in her voice, sensing that this wasn’t going to go as smoothly as he had hoped. “I’m not walking away from you out of spite. I just need to make a choice, and right now, my focus has to be on fixing what I’ve broken.”

Lori crossed her arms, her eyes flashing with anger. “So, what? You think you can just come here, say a few words, and everything will be okay? You think you can just turn your back on me and expect me to be fine with it?”

Joel took a step closer, trying to keep his tone calm. “Lori, this isn’t about making you okay with it. This is about me trying to do what’s right. I’m sorry if that’s not what you want to hear.”

Her anger flared. “Right? What’s right? You think it’s right to just discard people like they don’t matter? You think you can just decide to play at relationships and then bail when it suits you?”

“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” Joel said, his voice heavy with regret. “But I can’t keep pretending this isn’t what it is. I need to focus on the person who really matters to me.”

Lori’s face was flushed with emotion, her voice rising. “You know what, Joel? Maybe you should have thought about that before you got involved with me. Maybe you should have been honest from the start instead of playing games.”

Joel looked away, feeling the weight of her words. “I’m sorry. I truly am. But I can’t change what’s happened. I can only try to make things right moving forward.”

Lori’s eyes were filled with frustration and hurt. “Yeah, well, it’s a little too late for that now. You should go.”

Joel nodded, feeling the sting of her words. “I understand. I’m sorry for everything.”

As Joel made his way back through Jackson, he couldn’t shake the feeling of unease that settled in his chest. Ending things with Lori had been the right thing to do, but it also felt like one more piece of his life was falling apart. And now, all he could think about was the fragile connection he was trying to rebuild with you.

But Lori wouldn’t let things go so easily. Hurt and angry, she wasn’t ready to accept that Joel could just walk away from her.

You found yourself slipping back into old habits, avoiding Joel at every turn, retreating into your own space whenever he was near. The fragile connection you had started to rebuild felt too delicate, too vulnerable, and the fear of what it might mean was overwhelming. So, you did what you had always done when things got too close: you pushed him away.

You threw yourself into your work, taking extra shifts on the infirmary, volunteering for the more dangerous runs that others were hesitant to take. Anything to keep your mind occupied and your heart locked away. But no matter how hard you tried to ignore it, the memory of Joel’s confession lingered, gnawing at the edges of your thoughts.

Every time you crossed paths with Joel, you made sure to keep the interaction as brief as possible. A curt nod, a mumbled greeting, and then you were gone before he could say anything more. You avoided the places you knew he frequented, taking different routes and making excuses to stay away from the common areas where you might run into him. You even started leaving for your shifts earlier and returning later, ensuring that you would miss him entirely.

But Joel wasn’t blind to what you were doing. He noticed the way you avoided his gaze, the way you kept your distance, and it cut him deeper than he would ever admit. The truth was, he understood why you were doing it. After everything that had happened between you—the misunderstandings, the hurt, the fear—it made sense that you would want to protect yourself.

Still, that didn’t make it any easier to bear.

As days passed, you found yourself trying to avoid Joel at all costs. You busied yourself with your duties, went out of your way to steer clear of places where you might run into him, and kept your interactions with others brief and impersonal. The emotional turmoil and the fear of vulnerability were too overwhelming for you to face him directly.

Joel, for his part, made several attempts to reach out. He tried to catch you in the common hall, to corner you in the infirmary, or to find a moment alone when you were on patrol. But every time, you were quick to deflect or disappear before he could get close.

One afternoon, as you were finishing up a shift at the infirmary, Joel appeared at the doorway. He hesitated, searching your face for any sign of recognition or willingness to talk. His heart ached at the sight of you, knowing how much he had hurt you and feeling powerless to bridge the gap between you.

You were in the middle of organizing some supplies when he cleared his throat, catching your attention. You looked up, your expression guarded.

"Hey," Joel began, his voice soft but filled with emotion. "Can we talk?"

You shook your head, avoiding his gaze. "There’s nothing to talk about, Joel. Not right now."

He sighed, his shoulders slumping slightly. "I know I’ve messed things up. I just—"

"I said no," you interrupted, trying to keep your voice steady. "I need some space."

Joel’s footsteps echoed softly in the hallway as he closed the distance between you. His presence was undeniable, and the intensity in his gaze was palpable even if you refused to meet it.

“Please,” he said quietly, his voice almost a whisper. “Just a moment. I need you to hear me out.”

You could feel the weight of his words pressing against your resolve. The space you had demanded was shrinking with every step he took closer. Your heart pounded in your chest, and the air between you seemed to crackle with unspoken tension.

“You don’t understand,” Joel continued, his voice tinged with frustration and desperation. “I’m not asking for everything to be okay right now. I just need a chance to show you that I’m willing to change.”

You finally looked up, meeting his gaze. His eyes were filled with a mixture of vulnerability and resolve, and for a moment, you saw the man behind the mistakes—the man who was still trying to find his way back.

“Why should I believe you? You came to my house in the middle of the night, then you were nowhere to be found next morning.” You said, your voice trembling slightly despite your best efforts to remain composed. “After everything that’s happened, why should I trust that you’ll actually change?”

Joel’s expression softened, and he took another step closer, his eyes never leaving yours. “Because I know I’ve hurt you, and I hate that I’ve done that. But I’m not giving up. I’m trying to be better, for myself and for you. I know it’s going to take time, but I need you to at least let me show you that I’m trying.”

The air between you was charged, the emotions swirling around like a storm ready to break. You could feel the warmth of his body radiating towards you, and despite your best efforts to hold your ground, you found yourself drawn to the intensity of the moment.

“Joel,” you began, but the words caught in your throat. The storm in your heart was a tempest of conflicting feelings, and you struggled to find a path through it.

Joel reached out slowly, his hand on your waist, sending a shiver down your spine.

Joel’s hand rested gently on your waist, and the touch was electrifying. It sent a shiver down your spine, stirring feelings that you had tried to bury beneath layers of hurt and confusion. His gaze was unwavering, filled with a depth of emotion that seemed to pierce through the storm clouded in your heart.

“I know I can’t undo the past,” Joel said softly, his voice barely above a whisper. “But I’m here now, and I want to make things right. I need you to know that I’m trying, even if it’s hard to believe.”

Your breath hitched as his touch lingered, the warmth of his hand seeping through the fabric of your clothes and pressing against your skin. The proximity was almost overwhelming, and you could feel the gravity of the moment pulling you closer to him.

For a moment, the world outside seemed to fade away. The memories of past pain and anger were still there, but they were overshadowed by the raw vulnerability in Joel’s eyes. His presence was a powerful force, and it was hard to ignore the way he made you feel—caught between the past and the promise of something new.

“Joel,” you whispered again, but this time your voice was filled with a mixture of longing and apprehension. “I don’t know if I can, if I’m ready.”

Joel’s eyes softened, and he took a small, hesitant step closer, his hand still resting on your waist. “You don’t have to be ready right now. I’m not asking for everything to be fixed in an instant. I just want you to know that I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere. I’ll wait for you, no matter how long it takes.”

The sincerity in his voice and the gentle touch of his hand were almost too much to bear. You felt the walls you had built around yourself beginning to crumble, and the storm in your heart seemed to calm, if only slightly.

“I just need to figure things out,” you said softly, your voice trembling. “I need time.”

Joel nodded, his expression a mix of understanding and relief. “Take all the time you need.” He assured you, “But I want to let you know I begged Tommy to put us together on patrol tomorrow.”

You looked at him, surprised by his insistence. “Why would you do that?”

Joel’s gaze was unwavering, a mix of resolve and vulnerability. “Because I want to be there for you. I want to show you that I’m committed to making things right, even if it means being there for you on patrol, even if it’s just another day together.”

His honesty was disarming, and despite the confusion and pain, you felt a flicker of warmth at his gesture. You understood his need to be close, to prove his commitment in any way he could.

“I appreciate that,” you said softly, your voice tinged with both gratitude and hesitation. “But I need to make sure I’m ready. I don’t want to bring any more complications.”

Joel nodded, his eyes showing a mixture of understanding and resolve. “I get it. Just know that I’m not pushing you. I’m here to support you, however you need.”

The sincerity in his eyes and the softness of his tone made it clear that he was willing to wait, to be patient. As the moment stretched between you, the storm in your heart seemed to settle even more, leaving behind a fragile sense of calm.

With a final, gentle squeeze on your waist, Joel stepped back, giving you the space you needed. “Get some rest,” he said softly. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

As you watched him walk away, the promise of a new day together hung in the air, a delicate thread of hope amidst the lingering uncertainties. The path forward was still uncertain, but for now, there was a small but significant step towards healing and reconnection.

The days after the storm, the skies were clear, a crisp blue stretching above Jackson as you and Joel prepared for your patrol. Despite the lingering tension from the night before, there was an unspoken agreement between you to carry on as usual, to slip back into the familiar rhythm of your routine.

The morning was quiet, the only sound being the crunch of gravel underfoot as you walked side by side, your horses trailing behind you. The air was cool, the ground still damp from the storm, and the world felt strangely peaceful after the chaos of the previous night.

As you rode through the woods, the silence between you was comfortable, but as always, it didn’t take long for a familiar banter to spark up.

“You always insist on taking the longer route,” Joel grumbled, glancing at you from the corner of his eye. “We could be back by lunch if we just cut through the valley.”

You rolled your eyes, a small smile tugging at your lips. “And miss out on the view from the ridge? Not a chance. Besides, you’re always in such a hurry. What’s the rush, Joel?”

“I just don’t see the point in dragging things out when there’s work to be done,” he shot back, though there was no real heat in his voice. It was the kind of argument you had a dozen times before, more out of habit than any real disagreement.

“You need to learn to appreciate the little things,” you teased, nudging him playfully with your elbow. “Like this beautiful day and the fact that we’re not freezing our asses off in a storm.”

Joel huffed, though you could see the corners of his mouth twitching as he tried to suppress a smile. “You sound like Tommy,” he muttered.

You were about to respond when your foot caught on a loose rock, sending you stumbling forward. It happened so quickly that you barely had time to react, your arms flailing as you tried to regain your balance.

But before you could hit the ground, Joel’s hand shot out, grabbing you by the arm and pulling you back. The force of the movement caused you to overcompensate, and instead of falling to the ground, you ended up falling right into Joel, your chest colliding with his as you both tumbled backward.

You landed on top of him with an “oof,” your hands braced against his chest as you tried to steady yourself. For a moment, neither of you moved, the sudden closeness freezing you both in place.

Your faces were inches apart, your breath mingling with his as you looked down at him, your eyes locking. You could feel his heart pounding under your hands, the rapid thud of it mirroring your own.

The world around you seemed to fade away; the only thing you could focus on was the way his eyes searched yours, the intensity of his gaze sending a shiver down your spine. There was something raw and unguarded in the way he looked at you, as if he were seeing you for the first time, or maybe remembering you in a way he hadn’t in a long time.

“Careful there,” Joel said softly, his voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t want you hurtin’ yourself.”

His words were gentle, but there was an undercurrent of something deeper, something that made your heart race even faster. You could feel the warmth of his breath on your skin, the roughness of his hands as they held you steady, and for a moment, you were lost in the sensation, in the closeness of him.

“Thanks,” you breathed, your voice just as soft. You didn’t move; you didn’t dare break the moment, but you knew you couldn’t stay like this forever.

Reluctantly, you started to pull back, but not before you saw the flicker of disappointment in Joel’s eyes. It was there for just a second, but it was enough to make your heart ache and remind you of the delicate balance you were trying to maintain.

Once you were back on your feet, you offered him a hand, helping him up. He took it, his grip firm but lingering just a moment longer than necessary, his touch sending a warm tingle through you.

“Guess I should watch where I’m going,” you said with a small, self-deprecating laugh, trying to break the tension.

Joel just nodded, his eyes still on you, something unreadable in his expression. “Yeah,” he said quietly, his voice thick with something you couldn’t quite place. “You should.”

“You blushed,” Joel said softly, his voice carrying a teasing edge as he dusted off his clothes.

His words caught you off guard, and your eyes widened slightly in surprise. You could feel the heat rising to your cheeks again, the flush creeping up your neck as you realized he was right. You had blushed, and he had noticed.

“I did not,” you muttered, though the denial was weak, the embarrassment clear in your tone as you tried to avoid his gaze.

Joel just chuckled, the sound low and rich, and there was a warmth in his eyes that made your stomach flutter. “Sure, you didn’t,” he said, clearly unconvinced. He wasn’t about to let you off the hook that easily.

You shook your head, trying to will away the blush that you knew was only deepening with every second. “Just watch where you’re going next time,” you shot back, trying to deflect the attention from yourself.

Joel smirked, his expression softening as he looked at you with that familiar mix of amusement and affection. “You’re the one who tripped,” he reminded you, but there was no real bite to his words. If anything, he seemed almost pleased, as if the moment had lightened the tension that had been lingering between you since the night before.

You huffed in mock annoyance, though the smile tugging at your lips betrayed your true feelings. “Fine, you win this round,” you conceded, rolling your eyes playfully.

Joel just shook his head, still smiling as he started walking again; his pace slowed enough for you to fall in step beside him. “Don’t worry,” he said, his tone more serious now, though the warmth remained. “I’ve got your back. Always.”

His words, simple as they were, carried a weight that made your heart ache in the best way. You knew he meant it. For a mere moment of time, Joel seemed to be the one who woke up that day after his accident convinced he was going to make you fall in love with him. And though you weren’t sure what the future held, you couldn’t help but feel a sense of comfort in his presence.

“I have to ask you something,” you began, unsure of how approaching the delicate topic you were about to dive into

“Sure.”

“When your daughter died.“

Joel’s reaction was immediate, his expression shifting from the tender warmth of a moment ago to a guarded hardness. His eyes, which had been so open and vulnerable, narrowed as he looked at you, his body tensing.

“How do you know about that?” He asked, his voice low and edged with a defensiveness you hadn’t heard from him in a long time.

You hesitated, realizing that you had touched on a wound that was still raw and still painful for him. The last thing you wanted was to push him away, especially when things had been starting to mend between you.

“Joel, I—” you began, struggling to find the right words. “You told me a while ago.”

He stayed silent, his gaze still intense, but there was a flicker of something else in his eyes now—maybe fear, maybe grief. You couldn’t be sure.

“I just… I want to understand you better,” you continued, your voice softening as you tried to bridge the gap between you.

Joel’s jaw clenched, and for a moment, you feared he was going to shut down completely. But then he sighed, the tension in his shoulders easing just slightly.

“It’s not something I like to talk about,” he finally said, his voice rough with emotion. “What happened to her—it broke me.” He said, walking forward.

“Did you feel like life stopped for you at that moment?” You asked, making him stop on his tracks.

Joel stopped dead in his tracks, the question hanging in the air between you like a weight that neither of you knew how to bear. His back was to you, his shoulders tense, and for a moment, you weren’t sure if he was going to respond or just walk away.

When he finally turned to face you, his expression was unreadable, but his eyes His eyes held a depth of pain that took your breath away.

“Yeah,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “It did.”

He looked down, as if he couldn’t bear to meet your gaze any longer, his hands clenching into fists at his sides. “Everything just stopped. I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think. It was like the world just shattered, and I was stuck in the middle of the wreckage, trying to find a way out, but there wasn’t one.”

You stepped closer to him, feeling the urge to close the distance between you to offer some kind of comfort, but you hesitated, unsure if he would welcome it. Instead, you just stood there, letting him speak, letting him finally give voice to the pain that had been locked inside him for so long.

“After that, nothing mattered,” he continued, his voice raw with emotion. “Nothing felt real. I just went through the motions and did what I had to do to survive. But there was this emptiness, this void that nothing could fill. And I didn’t think I’d ever be able to move past it.” He paused for a moment. “But then Ellie appeared, and I felt like a dad again.”

He glanced at you, searching your eyes for understanding. “It wasn’t the same, not by a long shot. But she gave me something to fight for, something to care about. I couldn’t just give up when she needed me. I had to keep going for her.”

The vulnerability in his voice was heartbreaking, and you could see how much Ellie meant to him and how she had somehow managed to pull him back from the edge. The bond they shared was unique, forged in the fires of loss and survival, and it had become a lifeline for him in ways you were only beginning to understand.

“Ellie’s special,” you said softly, not wanting to break the moment but needing to acknowledge the significance of what he was sharing with you. “She’s lucky to have you.”

Joel’s voice trembled as he spoke, the raw emotion seeping through the cracks of the façade he’d been holding onto. “Then you appeared,” he admitted, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. “I felt like you reminded me of the good times and of how sweet people used to be before all of this. And having to face that, it just reminded me of everything I lost.”

The weight of his words hung heavy in the air, and you felt your own heartache for him. Joel had been through so much, had lost so much, and now here he was, standing in front of you, his walls slowly crumbling as he let you see the parts of himself he kept hidden from the world.

“I didn’t mean to make things harder for you,” you said quietly, your voice laced with regret. “I never wanted to bring up old wounds.”

Joel shook his head, a bittersweet smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “Oh god, no. It’s not your fault. I was an asshole to you. You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just seeing someone like you, someone who still has that kindness, that light; it’s like looking at a world that doesn’t exist anymore. And it scares me.”

“Then why did you do it?” you asked, hoping that in the middle of this vulnerable side of Joel, he would be able to tell the truth. “You were nice to me at the beginning, then you were you.”

Joel’s expression faltered, and you could see the internal struggle play out across his face. He hesitated, clearly torn between wanting to protect you from the truth and the desire to finally be honest.

“You really want to know?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper. There was a vulnerability in his eyes that you hadn’t seen before, a rawness that made your heart tighten in your chest.

“Yes,” you replied, your voice steady despite the nervous flutter in your stomach. “I need to know why, Joel.”

He exhaled deeply, running a hand through his hair as if trying to gather the courage to say what needed to be said. “One night you were tipsy. Just talking. I walked you home, and then you kissed me.”

Your breath hitched; the memory completely lost to you. “I kissed you?” you repeated, the disbelief evident in your tone.

Joel nodded slowly, his eyes searching yours for any sign that you remembered. “You did. And the next day, you acted like nothing happened. Like it was just another day.”

You felt a surge of confusion and frustration. “I don’t remember that, Joel. I was probably too out of it. But why would that make you treat me the way you did?”

His jaw clenched, the muscle in his cheek ticking as he tried to find the right words. “Because it scared the hell out of me,” he admitted, his voice strained. “I’d been fighting these feelings for so long, trying to keep them buried, and then you kissed me, and it was like everything I’d been holding back came rushing to the surface.”

You stared at him, trying to process what he was saying. “So you pushed me away,” you said, the realization dawning on you.

“I didn’t know what else to do,” Joel confessed, his voice thick with regret. “I didn’t want to risk losing you. But at the same time, I couldn’t just pretend like nothing had changed. So I built up walls and acted like it didn’t matter, like you didn’t matter. But you do matter, more than I ever let on. And I’m sorry for being an asshole to you. You didn’t deserve that.”

The anger you’d felt simmering beneath the surface began to bubble over, your emotions a tangled mess of hurt and confusion. “So all this time, you were just punishing me for something I didn’t even remember? For something that clearly didn’t mean as much to me as it did to you?”

Joel winced at your words, the guilt evident in his eyes. “I know how it sounds, and I’m sorry. I was just I was scared, alright? Scared of what I was feeling, scared of what it could mean. And I took it out on you. I’m not proud of it, but that’s the truth.”

You took a step back, needing some space to process everything. “You should have just talked to me, Joel. We could have figured this out together instead of… whatever this mess is.”

“I know,” he said, his voice filled with remorse. “I messed up. And I know it’s going to take time to fix things, if I even can. But I’m willing to try if you’ll let me.”

The storm of emotions swirling inside you made it hard to think clearly. You felt hurt, angry, and confused, but also a small part of you understood where Joel was coming from, even if you didn’t like it.

“After your accident, I took care of you, Joel, and Oh my god! You’re such a baby,” you said.

Joel blinked, taken aback by your sudden shift in tone. “What?”

“You heard me,” you replied, crossing your arms. “You’re a baby. You couldn’t handle your feelings, so you pushed me away instead of just talking to me like an adult.”

Joel’s eyes narrowed slightly, a hint of defensiveness creeping into his expression. “It wasn’t that simple.”

“Oh, but it was!” You cut him off, your frustration bubbling over. “I was there for you, Joel. I took care of you when you needed it, and you repay me by treating me like crap because you couldn’t deal with a stupid kiss.”

He opened his mouth to argue, but you didn’t give him the chance. “You’re a grown man, Joel. You’ve been through hell and back, and you let something as small as this trip you up? You’re right, you messed up. But you didn’t just mess up; you acted like a damn child.”

Joel’s defensiveness faded, replaced by a look of chagrin. “And you are mad at me still for not remembering things!”

“Oh my god, I’m not mad at you for that reason. I’m mad because of how you treated me.”

Joel looked down, the weight of your words hitting him hard. “I know. And I don’t blame you for being mad. I was wrong, and I should have handled things differently.”

You could see the regret etched into his features, but it didn’t make the sting of his actions hurt any less. “You pushed me away when I was just trying to be there for you,” you said, your voice wavering slightly as the emotions you’d been holding back started to surface. “I trusted you, and you made me feel like I did something wrong when all I wanted was to be close to you.”

You wanted to believe him, but the wall you’d built around yourself was still firmly in place. “You broke something, Joel, and I don’t know if it can be fixed,” you admitted.

Joel’s face fell, but he didn’t back down. “I’ll do whatever it takes,” he promised, his voice barely above a whisper. “Just… don’t give up on me yet.”

There was a long silence as you both stood there, the weight of the conversation hanging heavily between you. Finally, you nodded, though it was more out of exhaustion than anything else. “I’m not giving up,” you said quietly. “But I’m not ready to forgive you either.”

Joel nodded slowly, accepting your words for what they were a small step forward.

The tension between you and Joel was palpable as you turned to continue your walk back to Jackson. The path ahead was familiar, but it felt different now, heavy with the weight of the conversation you’d just had. Joel walked a few steps behind you, giving you the space you needed, though you could feel his presence like a shadow at your back.

The silence between you was filled with unspoken words and unresolved feelings. Each step you took was a reminder of the fractured bond you were both trying to navigate. The trees around you swayed gently in the breeze, their leaves rustling like whispers in the quiet, but the usual comfort of the forest felt distant, overshadowed by the turmoil in your heart.

As the gates of Jackson came into view, you couldn’t help but feel a sense of dread. The town, once a place of refuge, now felt like a minefield of emotions you weren’t ready to face. You knew that when you walked through those gates, you’d have to see the people who had become your family, the ones who had seen you and Joel together, and you weren’t sure how to handle their questions or their concern.

Joel’s voice broke the silence, soft and hesitant. “We’re almost there. Do you want me to walk you the rest of the way?”

You paused, considering his offer. It was a simple question, but it carried so much more weight than either of you wanted to acknowledge. You were exhausted—physically, emotionally—and the idea of facing everyone on your own felt overwhelming. But at the same time, you weren’t sure if you could handle being so close to Joel after everything that had been said.

“I think I can manage,” you replied, your voice tinged with weariness. You turned to look at him, your expression softening just a little. “But… thank you.”

Joel nodded, understanding in his eyes. “I’ll be around if you need anything.”

You gave him a small, tired smile before turning back toward the gates. As you walked through them, you could feel the eyes of the guards and townspeople on you, their concern evident. You kept your head down, trying to avoid their gazes, and made your way to your quarters as quickly as possible.

Unbeknownst to you, Lori stood a short distance away, partially obscured by the shadows of a nearby building. Her eyes followed you and Joel, her expression unreadable. She had seen the two of you walking in together, though not exactly side by side, and the tension between you was obvious even from where she stood.

Lori’s heart clenched with a mixture of emotions she struggled to sort through. Anger, hurt, jealousy. They all swirled inside her, but there was something else too, something she didn’t want to admit. A pang of guilt, perhaps? She watched as Joel lingered near the gates, his gaze following you until you disappeared.

During net day, as you headed to the bar to grab something to eat for lunch, your thoughts were dancing around Joel’s words. And as if you were calling out for him, you saw him and Tommy sprinting towards you, their expressions tense and urgent.

“Hey!” Tommy called out, his voice sharp with worry. He reached you first, slightly out of breath, and placed a hand on your shoulder to steady himself. “We just got word—one of our patrol groups ran into raiders. They’re hurt, bad.”

Your heart skipped a beat, the air suddenly feeling colder around you. “Who? Where are they?” you asked, your voice shaky as fear began to creep in.

Joel was right behind Tommy, his face a mask of concern. “They’re bringing them in now. Maria sent a team to help. We need to get to the gates.”

The reality of the situation hit you like a punch to the gut. Your mind raced as you tried to process the information. “Do you know who’s hurt?” you managed to ask, even though you were dreading the answer.

Tommy shook his head. “We don’t know all the details yet. We just know they ran into trouble, and it wasn’t pretty. You should come with us.”

Without another word, the three of you started running towards the gates, your lunch forgotten. The closer you got, the more your heart pounded, fear clawing at your insides. The people of Jackson had become like family to you, and the thought of any of them being hurt—possibly worse—was unbearable.

As you neared the gates, you could see a small crowd gathering, everyone’s faces etched with worry. The gates creaked open, and you spotted the patrol group returning. The sight that met your eyes made your stomach drop.

Several members of the group were being supported by others, their clothes stained with blood and dirt. One of them was limping heavily, another clutching a makeshift bandage around their arm, and a third was barely conscious, their heads lolling to the side as they were carried in on a stretcher.

“Oh my God,” you whispered, your hand flying to your mouth in shock. You recognized some of the faces—people you’d shared meals with, worked alongside, and laughed with. Seeing them like this was like a nightmare come to life.

Joel was already moving towards the injured, his instincts kicking in. He glanced back at you, his expression a mix of determination and concern. “Come on,” he said, his voice firm. “We need to help.”

You immediately went into action, with the medical staff, two doctors, and you were there to assist and prepare the supplies you needed. The chaos of the scene was familiar, and you worked efficiently, focusing on the task at hand.

As you worked, you heard footsteps behind you and glanced up to see Joel entering the room. His face was pale, his usual confidence replaced with concern. He looked around, trying to make sense of the situation, and his eyes met yours. For a moment, you saw the same depth of emotion you had seen before, a silent understanding passing between you.

Joel approached you, his voice low. “How can I help?”

You were momentarily taken aback by the offer, but you didn’t have time to dwell on it. “Just keep out of the way for now. I need to focus on these guys. They’re in bad shape.”

Joel nodded and stepped back, watching with a mix of concern and helplessness as you and the medical staff worked. The minutes ticked by as you tended to the injured, applying bandages, administering pain relief, and stabilizing their conditions. The work was intense, but you were in your element, pushing aside any personal worries for the moment.

You moved swiftly from one patient to the next, checking vitals and administering care. When you reached Ethan, one of the patrol members who had been particularly badly hurt, you could see that he was in a bad state. His face was pale, and his breathing was shallow. His eyes, once sharp and alert, now seemed distant, lost.

"Ethan," you said softly, trying to get his attention. "How are you feeling? Can you tell me what's hurting the most?"

For a moment, Ethan didn't respond. His gaze was fixed on something far away, his mind seemingly adrift. You noticed a dark, spreading stain on his arm, and upon closer inspection, you realized with a jolt that it was a bite mark. The infection was spreading, and it was clear that Ethan was in the early stages of infection.

Panic surged through you as you looked up at Ethan's face, your heart sinking. "Ethan, you’ve been bitten. We need to—"

Before you could finish, Ethan’s eyes snapped back into focus. In a sudden, violent movement, he grabbed you by the neck, his grip strong and desperate. His expression was a mix of fear and anguish, and for a moment, you were taken aback by the sheer intensity of it.

"Get away from him!" Joel’s voice cut through the chaos. He rushed forward, grabbing Ethan’s arm and pulling it away from your neck, managing to pry Ethan’s fingers loose, though Ethan struggled against him.

You could feel your heart beating in your ears and how bad you were bearing for breathing.

The sudden force of Joel’s intervention broke Ethan’s hold, and he fell back, his breath ragged and his eyes wild. The other medical staff quickly moved in to restrain him, and you stumbled back, gasping for air, your hands instinctively rubbing your neck.

Joel’s eyes were wide with a mix of fear and anger. "Are you okay?" he asked urgently, his gaze scanning your face for any signs of injury or distress.

You nodded, though your voice was shaky. "I’m fine. Just… a bit shaken."

Joel’s expression softened with relief, but the concern didn’t leave his eyes. “We need to handle this. If he’s infected.” His voice trailed off, the grim reality settling in.

The gunshot put your attention back on Ethan, who now lay motionless on the ground.

The sharp sound of the gunshot echoed through the infirmary, pulling your attention back to Ethan. His body lay motionless on the ground, a grim testament to the harsh realities of your world. The medical staff had taken the necessary precautions, but the finality of the situation was palpable.

Joel’s face was a mask of conflicted emotions, his eyes shifting from the lifeless form of Ethan to you. The weight of what had just happened hung heavily in the air, and the reality of the infection and its consequences was stark and unforgiving.

You took a deep breath, trying to steady your racing heart. The adrenaline was still coursing through you, making it difficult to think clearly. The reality of Ethan's fate, coupled with the close call you had just experienced, left you feeling shaken and vulnerable.

“Are you sure you’re, okay?” Joel asked again, his voice softer now but still filled with concern.

You managed a nod, though your hands were still trembling slightly. “I’m alright. Just… a little rattled.”

Joel’s gaze lingered on you for a moment longer, his worry evident. He seemed to be grappling with his own emotions as well.

“Are you okay?” You asked, looking up at him.

Joel blinks, caught off guard by your question. He had been so focused on your well-being that it hadn’t occurred to him that you might be concerned about him too. He hesitated for a moment, his eyes searching yours as if trying to find the right words.

“I’m fine,” he finally said, though his voice was thick with emotion. But the way his hand lingered on your arm, the way his eyes softened when they met yours, told a different story.

You weren’t sure what made you do it; maybe it was the adrenaline still coursing through your veins or the rawness of the moment, but you reached up and gently touched his cheek.

Joel closed his eyes as your fingertips lightly grazed his cheek, the warmth of your touch sending a jolt through him. For a moment, the chaos of the scene around you seemed to fade into the background, leaving just the two of you in a fragile bubble of quiet intimacy.

He opened his eyes slowly, meeting your gaze with a mixture of vulnerability and gratitude. “You don’t need to worry about me,” he said softly, though his words lacked conviction. “I’ve seen worse.”

You nodded, understanding that while he might brush off concern for himself, the weight of the situation was affecting him deeply. “I know,” you said gently, your voice barely more than a whisper.

As the day wore on and the news of the raiders surrounding Jackson spread, the town sprang into action. The common area transformed into a hub of activity as people gathered to discuss a strategy to defend what everyone called home. The mood was tense but determined; everyone knew how critical it was to stay united and vigilant.

Tommy and Maria were at the forefront, rallying the community and coordinating efforts to ensure everyone's safety. Their voices cut through the cacophony of worried chatter as they outlined the plan.

“We need to have eyes on every approach,” Tommy said firmly. “We can’t afford to miss anything. If anyone sees anything suspicious, report it immediately.”

Maria nodded in agreement, her face a mask of resolve. “We’re going to split into groups. Some will keep watch from the perimeter; others will stay here and fortify the defenses.”

Amidst the crowd, you stepped forward, ready to volunteer for the lookout duty. “I’m in,” you said, raising your hand. “I can help keep watch.”

Joel, who had been helping with preparations, looked up sharply. “No,” he said, his voice firm. “You need to stay here. It’s too dangerous out there.”

You were taken aback by his sudden, forceful objection. “Joel, I can handle it. I’ve been out there before, and I know how to stay safe.”

Joel stepped closer, his eyes locking onto yours with a mixture of concern and frustration. “This isn’t the same as a routine patrol. The raiders are already here, and things are going to get rough. I don’t want you out there.”

“I’ve been dealing with that before,” you gritted between your teeth.

“She’s strong, but we need at least five more people,” Tommy said.

Joel's expression remained firm as he looked at you, but there was an unmistakable trace of worry in his eyes. “I get that you’ve been through a lot, but this isn’t just about being strong. It’s about the risk. I can’t—”

Tommy interjected, his voice steady but urgent. “She’s strong, Joel, but we need at least five more people out there to cover all the necessary positions. We don’t have enough eyes on the perimeter as it is.”

Maria nodded in agreement, glancing between you and Joel. “We need all the help we can get. I understand Joel’s concern, but the priority is to keep everyone safe. If you’re willing, we can use you out there.”

Joel’s gaze flickered between you and Tommy, the conflict clear on his face. He knew the stakes were high, and while his protective instincts were strong, he also recognized the necessity of having enough people on the ground.

“I don’t like it,” Joel said finally, his voice softer but still laden with concern.

Joel’s concern was palpable, but before he could say more, Lori stepped forward from the group, her expression determined. “If you’re worried about her, then let me go too,” she said firmly, her gaze meeting Joel’s.

Joel looked at Lori, surprise flickering across his face. “Lori, I—”

Lori cut him off, her tone resolute. “Look, I’ve got experience with situations like this. I’m willing to put myself out there. If it helps you feel better about her going, then let me join her.”

Maria glanced between Joel and Lori, clearly weighing the situation. “That could actually work,” she said thoughtfully. “If we have both of you out there, it might alleviate some of the pressure.”

Joel hesitated, still visibly torn. He didn’t trust Lori at all.

Joel’s eyes narrowed slightly as he looked at Lori, his concern clearly evident. He wasn’t entirely comfortable with the idea of her going out there with you, especially given the tension between the two of you.

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” Joel said, his voice low but firm. “Lori, you’ve got experience, but this situation is different. It’s more dangerous than anything we’ve faced recently.”

Lori met his gaze with equal determination. “I understand your concern, Joel, but if I can help keep things under control, then I’m willing to take the risk.”

Maria, sensing the mounting tension, stepped in to medierate. “Joel, I understand your hesitation. But we need to make sure we have enough people to cover all positions. If Lori’s offering to help and she’s capable, it might be our best option.”

Joel’s eyes flickered with frustration as he glanced at you, then back at Lori. “Alright,” he said reluctantly. “But both of you need to stay in touch and make sure you’re covering each other’s backs. I don’t want any risks.”

As the group readied themselves to head out, the tension was palpable. The urgency of the situation had everyone moving swiftly, but there was a lingering heaviness in the air, a mix of anxiety and unspoken feelings.

You and Joel exchanged one final, intense glance before you left. His eyes held a storm of emotions—concern, fear, and something deeper that you couldn’t quite place. It was clear he was struggling with the idea of you going out there, but he was also showing the resolve to stay behind and protect Jackson if things went wrong.

“Be careful,” Joel said, his voice soft but stern. There was a vulnerability in his tone that was almost painful to hear.

You nodded, feeling a lump in your throat. “I will. You too, Joel.”

With a final look, you turned and joined Tommy, Lori, and the rest of the group. As you walked away, you felt a mixture of resolve and unease. The path ahead was uncertain, and the weight of the responsibilities you carried felt heavier with each step.

The sky was darkening as you and Lori took your positions around Jackson. The sounds of the town preparing for the possible assault filled the air—voices calling out instructions, the clatter of equipment being readied, and the distant murmur of worried conversations.

Lori nodded, her expression softening slightly. “We’ll be careful. You have my word.”

You could see the weight of Joel’s concern in his posture, the way his jaw tightened and his eyes searched yours. It was clear he was still struggling with letting you go out there, but he was also facing the reality of the situation.

“Let’s get ready,” Maria said, stepping in to redirect the focus. “We’ve got to move fast if we’re going to set everything up in time.”

Joel and Tommy exchange a look from the distance. One look that said

Please protect her from all.

The group moved through the woods with tense precision. The night was dark, and the forest seemed to close in around them, the trees casting long, eerie shadows in the dim light. Every rustle of leaves or snap of a twig sent a jolt of anxiety through the group as they moved carefully toward their designated positions.

You were positioned with Lori and a few other members; your nerves heightened as you scanned the surrounding area. The anticipation of an attack weighed heavily on you, each sound in the forest amplified by the tension of the situation. Lori was focused, her experience evident in her movements as she checked and rechecked her gear.

Tommy, who had stayed behind for a while, was now close enough to provide support if needed but kept their distance to avoid drawing attention. His gaze was constantly shifting, his eyes searching the darkness for any signs of movement. The worry etched into his face was evident even from a distance.

As the minutes ticked by, the silence grew more oppressive, each member of the group lost in their own thoughts and preparations. The night felt endless, the anticipation building as everyone awaited the inevitable clash.

Suddenly, the stillness was shattered by the sound of distant shouts and the unmistakable noise of raiders closing in. The group’s alertness surged into action as everyone took their positions, readying themselves for the confrontation.

“Here they come!” Lori’s voice cut through the tension, her tone commanding. “Stay sharp and keep an eye on each other!”

The raiders emerged from the darkness, their figures outlined against the low light of the moon. The confrontation was chaotic and intense, the night erupting into a flurry of movement and noise. You fought with determination; every instinct heightened as you defended your position.

Despite the chaos, you could feel the presence of your allies around you; their movements synchronized as they worked together to repel the raiders. The noise of gunfire and shouts filled the air, and you found a grim sense of focus as you engaged with the attackers.

In the midst of the chaos, Lori’s actions took a dangerous turn. Amid the melee, she made a sudden, unexpected move that shifted the dynamics of the confrontation. As you and Tommy were engaged with the raiders, Lori took it upon herself to maneuver through the fray, pushing for a more aggressive stance.

“Cover me!” Lori shouted, her voice rising above the din. “I’m going to create a diversion!”

Before anyone could fully grasp her intention, Lori threw a series of flashbangs and smoke grenades into the thick of the raiders. The sudden blinding light and thick smoke created confusion among the attackers but also disrupted your group’s coordination.

The diversion had the unintended effect of drawing the raiders' focus toward the source of the commotion. The chaos escalated quickly, with the raiders now focused on the new threat and your group struggling to maintain control.

In the disarray, Lori’s actions created an opening for a smaller group of raiders to break through the defenses. The confusion spread, and it became increasingly difficult for everyone to stay organized. As the situation grew more chaotic, some members of the group started to retreat, trying to regroup and escape from the overwhelming numbers of raiders.

Tommy, realizing the deteriorating situation, shouted, “We need to fall back! Get to the rendezvous point!”

Amid the confusion, Lori’s initial strategy had backfired. She and the others began to withdraw, but in the scramble to escape, it became evident that you were separated from the rest of the group. You fought to hold your ground, but the chaos and disorganization made it nearly impossible to regroup.

In the thick of the battle, you tried to push your way toward the retreating group, but the raiders were relentless. Despite your efforts, you found yourself isolated, with the sounds of the retreating group fading into the distance. The enemy's numbers were overwhelming, and you had to take cover behind a nearby structure, your heart racing as you tried to catch your breath.

The night seemed to stretch endlessly as you waited, your thoughts racing with worry about whether you’d be able to rejoin your group. The noise of the battle grew distant, replaced by the eerie silence of the aftermath.

When the group finally made it back to Jackson, the atmosphere was tense and somber. Tommy and Lori arrived, looking battered and exhausted. The sight of the raiders repelled, and the group’s narrow escape was overshadowed by the stark absence of you.

The patrol group trudged back into Jackson, their faces weary and their clothes stained with dirt and blood. They moved slowly, burdened by the weight of the day's events. As they passed through the gates, people began to gather, their expressions a mix of concern and curiosity.

Joel was waiting anxiously at the gate, his face etched with concern. As soon as he saw Tommy and Lori, his eyes darted around, searching for you. When he saw that you were missing, his face went pale, and a deep anger began to simmer beneath the surface.

“Where is she?” Joel demanded; his voice barely controlled. His eyes locked onto Tommy with a fierce intensity. “Where the hell is she?”

Tommy's face was grim as he approached Joel. “We lost her in the chaos. Lori tried to make a diversion, and things got out of hand. We couldn’t get back to her.”

Joel’s eyes shot to Lori; his anger palpable. “A diversion? You’re telling me you put her in danger and didn’t make sure she was safe?”

Lori’s face was flushed with exhaustion and guilt. “It was a mistake, Joel. I didn’t mean for it to get out of control. We were trying to get the raiders to focus elsewhere so we could regroup.”

Joel's fists clenched at his sides, his frustration boiling over. “A mistake? She’s out there alone because of you. How could you let this happen?”

Maria stepped in, trying to diffuse the escalating situation. “Joel, yelling at Lori isn’t going to help. We need to focus on finding her. We have to get a search party together and head back out.”

Joel took a step closer, his fists clenched at his sides. “You don’t get to make that call,” he hissed, his voice trembling with barely contained rage. “If anything happens to her,”

“She’ll be fine,” Lori cut him off, rolling her eyes. “You’re overreacting.”

Joel’s eyes were wild with panic and anger. “No, you don’t understand. She could be hurt, or worse. We need to get out there now!”

Tommy put a hand on Joel’s shoulder, trying to calm him down. “We will. But we need to be smart about it. We can’t rush in without a plan. We’ll organize a search party and go as soon as we can.”

Joel shook his head, his breathing heavy and uneven. “I don’t care about plans. I’m not waiting around while she’s out there.”

But Joel wasn’t listening. He was already turning away, his mind racing with a hundred different scenarios, each worse than the last. He needed to find you to make sure you were safe. The thought of you out there, alone and vulnerable, sent a cold shiver down his spine.

Without another word, Joel stormed off towards the gates, his heart hammering in his chest. He wasn’t going to wait around for someone else to bring you back. He would find you himself, no matter what it took.

Joel raced through the woods, his breath coming in short, sharp bursts as he searched for any sign of you. The setting sun cast long shadows over the path, and the dense trees around him made it hard to see more than a few feet ahead. But he didn’t slow down. He couldn’t. The thought of you out here alone, in danger, was enough to keep him moving, fear and adrenaline pushing him forward.

Joel refused to let himself think about the worst possibilities; he just needed to find you.

Tommy was right behind him, struggling to keep up with Joel's relentless pace. “Joel, slow down!” Tommy called out, his voice strained. “We need to do this smart. If you get hurt, we’re no good to anyone.”

Joel didn’t respond, his focus solely on finding you. He knew Tommy was right, but the fear gnawing at him made it impossible to slow down. Every minute that passed felt like an eternity, and every shadow that moved in the corner of his eye made his heart skip a beat.

After what it felt like hours of searching, Joel and Tommy came upon a clearing. The scene before them was chaotic—bodies of raiders lay scattered across the ground, the aftermath of a brutal fight. Blood stained the dirt, and the silence was eerie, broken only by the rustle of leaves in the breeze.

When Joel reached the house, the door was ajar, creaking on its hinges as the wind pushed it back and forth. His heart pounded in his chest, a mix of fear and urgency propelling him forward. He approached cautiously, his hand gripping his revolver tightly, every nerve on edge. Behind him, Tommy moved in tandem, his rifle at the ready, the two brothers moving as one unit.

Joel nudged the door open with his foot, and it swung inward with a loud creak, revealing the scene inside. The room was a disaster—furniture overturned, broken glass scattered across the floor, and the bodies of several men lying lifeless on the ground. Bloodstains marred the walls and floor, the remnants of a violent struggle.

Tommy entered behind him, his eyes sweeping the room with a practiced intensity. “Jesus,” he muttered under his breath, the carnage in front of them telling a grim story.

Joel’s heart skipped a beat as his eyes searched the room, desperately looking for you among the chaos. The fear of what he might find gnawed at him, each second feeling like an eternity.

And then he saw you.

You were slumped against the far wall, your body still and pale, but you were alive. Relief surged through him, though it was tempered by the sight of your injuries. Joel rushed to your side, his revolver slipping from his grip as he knelt down next to you, his hands shaking as he reached out to touch your face.

“Hey, hey,” he whispered, his voice trembling with emotion. “I’ve got you. I’m here.” He gently touched your face, his fingers brushing against your cold skin as he checked for any serious injuries.

You blinked, your eyes struggling to focus on him. “Joel?” you murmured weakly, the sound of his name on your lips a small comfort to him.

“Yeah, it’s me,” he said softly, his voice cracking. “You’re gonna be okay, alright? Just stay with me.”

You nodded faintly, your body leaning into his touch as if you couldn’t bear to hold yourself up any longer. “They… they ambushed us,” you whispered, your voice barely audible. “I tried… but there were too many.”

"Did you kill them all by yourself?" Tommy asked, his voice tinged with both awe and concern as he glanced around the room, taking in the lifeless bodies scattered across the floor.

You nodded weakly, the effort it took to do so evident in the way your body sagged against Joel’s. “I didn’t have a choice,” you murmured, your voice barely above a whisper. “They were going to… I couldn’t let them…”

Joel’s heart ached as he listened to you, the weight of what you’d been through settling heavily on his shoulders. He could see the exhaustion in your eyes, the toll that the fight had taken on you, both physically and emotionally.

“You did what you had to,” Joel said, his voice steady but filled with a fierce protectiveness. “You survived, and that’s all that matters.”

“I’m sleepy, Joel,” you said, trying to close your eyes, and that’s when Joel’s breath caught in his throat. As he felt the warm, sticky blood on his hand. The sight of it. You had blood dripping from your shirt.

He pressed his hand more firmly against your wound, trying to stem the bleeding, but it was clear that you were slipping away.

Joel’s heart skipped a beat as he saw your eyelids droop, your voice growing weaker with every word. “No, no, no,” he muttered, his voice thick with panic as he gently shook you. “You have to stay awake, alright? Just keep your eyes on me.”

He quickly adjusted his grip on you, his hand moving to press against your abdomen where the blood was seeping through your clothes. The wound was worse than he had initially realized, and the sight of it made his stomach twist with fear.

“Stay with me,” he urged, his voice trembling. “I’m not losing you; you hear me?”

You tried to nod, but the pain and exhaustion were overwhelming, pulling you toward unconsciousness. “Joel… it hurts,” you whispered, your voice barely audible.

“I know, sunshine, I know,” he said, his heart breaking at the sight of you in so much pain.

sunshine

It took him almost to lose you to remember your words.

It took him almost to lose you to remember yours I love you.

It took him almost to lose you to realize how important you were to him.

"I'm sleepy" you whispered, almost inaudible to hear.

"No, you're not," Joel said.

"Shhh.Let me sleep, Joel. Can you carry me to bed?"

The words hit him like a punch to the gut, and he struggled to keep his composure. “I’m carrying you, okay. Every single day for the rest of my life, I’ll carry you,” he promised, his voice thick with emotion. “Baby, baby, baby,” he whispered into your hair, his tears mixing with the dirt and blood on your skin. He was terrified of how still you were in his arms, caught between life and death.

“I’ll save you like you saved me,” he vowed, his voice a desperate prayer as he held you close, willing you to stay with him, to fight, to live.

+++++++++++

I tagged everyone interested in more parts or or the ones who commented, but I couldn't tag everyone because all got mixed (again) if you don't want to be tagged you can tell me, if you want to be tagged, you can also tell me. I tried to add everyone but I don't know If I did.

💌 tags: @dreamtofus @paperstarzzz @chewie-bars @hotleaf-juice

@riedswifts @dizzyforyou @prideandaesthetic @chateaujoon

@18dmlk @orcasoul @whirlwindrider29 @frogjumps-world @camy-nyancat @sarahhxx03 @jasminedragoon @cuteanimalmama @eleganthottubfun @skysmiller @nana90azevedo @astralqueenoc

@missladym1981 @persephone-girl @darka-moon @beltzboys2015-blog @sptbear @joelsteinfeld @astralqueenoc @bishtrouille

@locaparapedrito @wolfbook87 @picketniffler @axelspin @pedrotease @riedswifts @mclibs23 @feliciab1990 @swornkisses @stupidthoughtsinwriting @kirsteng42 @lostfleurs

[altxrrmelancholy]

Cherry Lemons - Psh

Tags: biker!Seonghwa, hints of a toxic relationship, a bit suggestive, arguing, Seonghwa lashes out, angst, hurt

Word count: idk honestly

•••

Seonghwa hoped that you would continue to hold on to him as he drove back to the frat house. As much as he was upset, he couldn't afford to keep arguing with you on a bike. He had to calm down enough to make sure you got to your destination safely. That he wouldn't get mad and ram the motorcycle into a telephone post just because. He could still feel your arms around his waist if he focused enough so that's a good sign, he hoped.

As he neared the frat, he could feel your arms slipping from his waist. He stopped his bike as he reached and no sooner had he than you leapt out of the bike.

"Y/n. Y/n!" You were walking away from the house towards your dorm building. You couldn't take his antics anymore. His on and off behavior had been killing you.

"Y/n can we please talk. I promise I'll listen to you." You scoffed when you heard him.

"You'll listen to me now? When I want to leave is when you want to listen to me?!" You turned towards him to see him holding his helmet on his left hip, a somewhat desperate look on his face. All you had ever wanted was Seonghwa to listen to you.

He sighed deeply. "Can you come to the house Y/n, please."

It reaches a point that even you don't know whether he means what he says. No matter how much he tells you he does. You walk slowly towards him and glare at him before turning a corner to the pathway of the house. If you weren't so focused on the movement of the man behind you then you wouldn't have heard him scoff. This angers you big time.

"Come again?" You stop, your voice low. "You wanna scoff at me again, Seonghwa?" You say, your voice gradually getting louder.

"I didn't mean that." He says, his voice totally blank.

"You didn't mean that? Like you didn't mean to leave me stranded at the park tonight? Like you didn't mean to call me a bitch in front of all those people? What didn't you mean, huh?!"

"Can you calm down?! I just think you're constantly overreacting. No wonder we can never talk properly." You were stunned. Was this what he had always wanted to get off his chest about you? Are these words, these thoughts what he was feeling about you?

"I'm overreacting." You laugh a little, more filled with anger than anything else. "I'm trying to tell him how I feel and he thinks I'm being overreacting. Oh heavens."

"Can you stop? You're being ridiculous about this. Let's just go into the house so that we can talk about it properly."

"Ridiculous, huh? Earlier you found me ridiculous because you didn't think going on dates was a good idea. When I asked you to introduce me to your friends, you didnt think that was a good idea either. And then you finally allow me to meet your friends and you're passive about it-"

"I didn't allow you to meet my friends-"

"I'm not done talking Seonghwa, oh my god!" He physically resigns and crosses his hands, glaring at you. At this point, his whole frat has probably heard the commotion outside. Again, for the millionth. Time.

You slowly approach him, lifting up your finger to point towards him. "I'm constantly trying to tell you how I feel, Seonghwa. The way we agreed when we started dating. But I don't think it's working out the we hoped it would."

"Yeah no shit." He spits, his voice full of hatred. He never used to talk to you like that back when the two of you were merely sleeping together. In fact, you don't think you have a single bad memory of Seonghwa from before you started dating. You wonder if he turned this way because of you or if it was always like this, and you just didn't know.

"Seonghwa please. Listen."

"Ha. Okay, you know what? You want me to listen? What is with you constantly telling me to listen to you as if you're literally not right here. You keep telling me to listen when the truth is you're insecure." He stays glaring at you.

"Seonghwa, please."

"None of this arguing would have ever happened if you hadn't forced me into dating in the first place." He mutters.

You freeze. You had a feeling he would say that, and you low-key agreed. You didn't think it would hurt as much as it did actually hearing it though. You always wanted him to try for you, but you guessed he wouldn't. Especially if you kept arguing the way you always did.

Not knowing what else to say you make your way past him and head to the gate, still frozen.

Don't cry.

"Where are you going." You hear his footsteps behind you as you approach the gate quicker.

"Y/n stop. I said stop. Where are you going."

Don't cry don't cry.

To leave. You needed to leave. Before you started crying in front of a frat house, because of some motorcycle-wielding frat boy.

"Y/n!" Is the last thing you hear before you're tackled to the ground. Shock runs through your system before you realize that Seonghwa had just tackled you to the ground. What the fuck.

You turn to your back aggressively, still in Seonghwa's hold. You look up at him with anger and shock. "Are you crazy?! Did you just tackle me?!"

"I'm not letting you leave before we talk about this- Can you stay still?"

"I'm not talking about anything with you, let me go. Seonghwa I said let me go! I'm done with this!"

"Please don't break this off. Just come with me and we can talk about this, okay? Y/n- can you just stop?!"

"You just said that I forced you into dating me, Seonghwa. Where exactly is this supposed to go from there?" You say, voice breaking a bit as you stare up at the eyes you loved staring up at on most nights. "Please, just please let me g- mmmfh..." He suddenly slams his lips onto yours. If he isn't going to get you to walk to the house with words then he'll have to do it another way. The way he knows best.

Your eyes are shut tight as tears finally resign and find their way down your face, your hands on Seonghwa's shoulders as you try to fight him off you. You don't even know if you're doing much, though. For you're always absolutely weak in Seonghwa's arms, especially if he's kissing you. One of his hands makes its way down your body under your shirt, ghosting on the skin that is your stomach. You feel him grind his hips onto yours and you're moaning against your will. Your moans come out chocked as you're still crying.

But you still feel so good. And so broken at the same time.

"I didn't mean any of that Y/n please... Please stay..." You feel him kiss down your neck and suck the skin into his teeth, making a hickey. You're sobbing at this point, half-trying to get him to stop.

"S-Seonghwa stop, please..." Your sobs get even louder as he keeps grinding into you. You think you feel him shaking, but you have no idea if he's crying too.

"S- ah! Seong-"

"Hey!"

You distinctly hear a couple of footsteps run down a set of stairs and onto the grass.

"Seonghwa! The fuck, man? What's going on with you two?"

You feel Seonghwa get lifted off of you and you immediately roll to your side, still crying.

"Y/n! Hey, y/n. Can you hear me?" You look up and see Hongjoong, the frat leader standing above you looking concerned. He crouches beside you.

"Hey, hey. Breath Y/n. You're okay." You feel him rub your shoulder a bit. You hear a commotion behind and feel your embarrassment from being caught in such a position skyrocket. "Breath, okay? You're safe I promise." You slightly calm down from that. You distinctly hear Seonghwa scream at some one to let him go. You're guessing someone is holding him back.

"Are you okay to get up?" You look up at him shyly. You weren't even given the opportunity to get to know his friends properly and now you never will. You nod and he lifts you up gently. You hadn't even realized that your shirt was slightly torn until you felt Hongjoong put a jacket around you. You look up towards Seonghwa and see him struggling in Mingi's arms. At this point, you can also see all the frat members of atz look over at you from the windows, and you've never felt more embarrassed. You cower even more behind Hongjoong.

"Mingi. Take him inside and get him to calm down. Let's go, Y/n. I'll take you home." You hear the leader say as he ushers you away.

"Like hell you are! That's my girlfriend she's not going anywhere with you! Mingi let me go-"

"Oh cut the crap Seonghwa and grow the fuck up! Didn't you realize what this looked like from inside?"

Seonghwa stilled at the stern voice and looked from Hongjoong to you. You were a mess. Hair messy and with grass on some parts of your body. Your eyes were red from crying. He could faintly see the hickey he put on you and how coloured it was. You felt Hongjoong lead you away from the lawn toward his car. "Come on Y/n."

You shuddered a bit and got into his car. You could still feel the wetness between your legs from Seonghwa's touch earlier. You didn't think you could get even more embarrassed at this point.

"Y/n babe I'm sorry. I-I'll contact you okay? I'm really fucking sorry Y/n please..."

Is the last thing you heard before your focus shifts to Hongjoong starting his car, and leaving the premises.

•••

Feedback? I would love love love to hear it. Let me know if I should do another part. Thank you for now!

[hellenhighwater]

You mentioned emotional stability, which I get, but it made me think of the meme about ‘how do you not cry when people yell at you’ and I’m wondering both: whether there’s as much yelling in law as in tv, and whether you’ve ever cried while doing law

Nowhere near as much yelling as TV!

The only people I've ever had yell at me are non-attorneys who are representing themselves and who do not understand how this whole system works, and generally speaking...they're not in a position where their yelling is hurtful? Every time it's happened it's been more like a person throwing a tantrum, and I just...can't take that seriously. No one I actually work with (or opposing counsel) has ever managed to yell at me. I have cut off a couple people who were working themselves in that direction and redirected things back to being civil.

Frankly: I will not put up with that shit.

The list of people who are allowed to yell at you in a professional setting is very, very short, and the circumstances where that is appropriate are few and far between. It does happen in some workplaces but that's a question of office culture and individual shitty temper. My boss would never yell at me--it's unprofessional--and if he did he'd have my resignation on his desk by the end of the day. Opposing counsel is not entitled to yell at me; I am their professional peer and I don't have to put up with it outside the courtroom, and if it's inside a courtroom, the judge is likely to shut that down.

We're lawyers. In this profession, it's widely seen that losing your temper is a sign that you have lost your professional regulation and it discredits your argument. That's true in and out of the courtroom.

I have come near tears in court, but mostly because if I hit a certain point of rage I will tear up. Twice, I've had a judge hand down a ruling so wildly unjust and unexpected that it threw me off balance and into immediate fury, but I've always been able to keep it together and carry on without actually crying.

Mostly the practice of law is just not that personal. Even if someone is yelling, it's not at me as an individual. I don't make the laws, I don't decide the facts, I just take these things and lay them out. If someone's mad, it's not usually a personal attack. And you learn to deal with and understand that kind of anger--often frustration--as you go.

[luciferlightbringer]

Love in a Hopeless Place

Chapter 11

Chapter 10|Chapter 11|Chapter 12|Updated through Chapter 12

Lucifer x prostitute fem!reader Word Count: 5.8k CW: Slowburn, Angst, Prostitution, Hurt/comfort, trauma, fluff, depression, anxiety, insecurity, sexual tension, kissing, light teasing smut

Lucifer laid up in his bed the room up in the apple shaped penthouse that was made just for him at the upper left side of the hotel. He had made this room thinking he was be here more often, and then he stopped coming. The last few weeks may had been more tolerable if he had been here... Oh well, too late for that. Now he laid there thinking of the things the hotel people had said about you and him. Could there really be a way of fixing this?

Lucifer sighed, he was really trying not to get his hopes up. He wanted to be able to get a chance to fix things with you, pick things back up with you, if you would let him, he was willing to do practically anything to make things right with you. He'd fight 100 Adams and Alastors at the same time just for the chance to hold you again. But all he could do was lay there, in his bed, wondering if Charlie and Angel were talking to you. Would you be mad? Would you give him a chance to talk to you again? Would the report back from this exchange be the last he ever hears about you?

After what felt like hours, he heard a knock on the door.

"Who is it?" Lucifer called out.

"Dad, it's me! Can I come in?" Charlie called from the other side of the door, Angel next to her and you a few steps back.

Your heart was racing, and hearing his voice on the other side of the door made it so much worse.

"Ya!" Lucifer yelled back, still staring at the ceiling. Charlie entered his room followed by Angel, you stayed outside of the door just out of view. "How did it go? Is she ok? Was she mad?" Lucifer asked Charlie and Angel, the pain laced in his voice was apparent. It broke your heart to hear it, but it made you feel less anxious to hear him prioritize concern for you. Care... as always.

"It went well, Dad, so well in fact... that we have someone here to see you," Charlie said, turning to the doorway.

Lucifer froze as he heard another pair of footsteps enter the room. He slowly sat up to meet your gaze, those beautiful (e/c) eyes, so full of their same gentleness and care, but also indescribable pain.

"(y/n)", he whispered, as if we was afraid that saying you name too loud might make you disappear.

You smiled, "Hi Lucifer," you said softly in return, his name sounded like music dripping from your lips. No malice, no anger, something... soft and beautiful, like you had been holding your breath for years and in saying his name you finally felt like you could exhale.

All you could do was stare at each other and take each other in. Charlie and Angel smiled at each other, then looked at you both as they started to back up.

"We'll just... give you too some space to talk," Charlie said, and then closed the door behind her and Angel. They pumped their fists with a quiet "Yes!" before running downstairs to tell the rest of the hotel crew what was going on.

You and Lucifer were now alone.

The air was tease and silent, neither of you knowing who should speak or make the first move.

At the moment you started to open your mouth, Lucifer moved to slip off the bed and onto his knees on the floor, hands on the ground in front of him and forehead pressed against his hands... bowing to you?!

"(y/n), darling... I... I'm sorry, I'm so... so sorry... Please... please believe when I say I don't remember what happened that night. I was drunk, I was nervous... I- I can't forgive myself for whatever I could hav-", Lucifer rambled as he started to shake as he kept his deep bow on the floor.

"Lucifer..." you say softly cutting him off, he jumped up a little, your voice suddenly being much closer than her expected. He looked up to see you on your knees in from of him, tears also starting to well in your eyes.

"You didn't hurt me that night," you said, tears starting to fall.

"I- I didn't?" he said through tears.

"No!" you cried, "I thought I had mad you mad and that's why you didn't call for me."

Lucifer's eyes went wide, "What?! No, of course not! I was so scared, I couldn't remember what happened that night and then I got a call from the Lounge that you were calling our appointments and I was banned from seeing you!"

"No! No, Lucifer I never banned you. You never hurt me, I- got scared, I was worried, you weren't acting like yourself, you were so drunk... you told me something... and I... I- I didn't know what to do... so I just ran! I ran and I disappeared for a little to figure things out. I came back and I waited, I waited and their was nothing! I thought you hated me and were done with me!"

"No! Never, never! Hells, Duckie, I've been a mess without you! I need you!" Lucifer cried. You and Lucifer were both a mess of hysterical tears at this point, and you collapsed into an embrace as you cried, reassuring each other through heavy sobs that you were not mad or upset at the other. It was a deep cry that you had both deeply needed in the arms of the other.

After several minutes, both of you started to calm down, tears still falling but now they were able to talk without heaving as hard through their sobs.

"So... what happened, exactly? Tell me your side of it all, please..." Lucifer finally choked out. You took a few more deep breaths before starting.

"You... you showed up at my apartment... you were drunk, stumbling, had a hard time teleporting. You were sweet but very touchy, you got more drunk and touchy as the night went on. I thought you were having a really bad day, then I thought you were nervous about may wanting to try being intimate again. But then... you told me something... something I didn't know how to respond to... I was scared about responding to it the wrong way, especially because you are the King and I am just a prostitute... I didn't know if you actually cared about me, even though it always felt like you really did, and the power dynamic was just so... confusing... so I pushed you away. I ran, I disappeared on a trip for a few days to think about things, to give us space in case... well, in case I had upset you... You were supposed to be told I was just on vacation for a few days... but it sounds like you were told something else... something to split us apart," you explained, looking down at Lucifer who was snuggled back into his old position in your lap. Lucifer nodded as he listened to your explanation. "I came back, and I waited for you to schedule... and you never did. I had no way to check in with you... and I didn't want to overstep in your life by expecting a real connection if I had just misread things, or going to the hotel to ask Charlie, especially because I wasn't supposed to tell anyone... I was just so confused."

Lucifer tightened his fists in his lap, what is it that he had told you that made you so scared? That would make you run but that had also apparently not hurt you. "I'm sorry I made you keep this a secret for so long, I didn't realize how much it was hurting you... both of us... I guess I just let my pride really get in the way, and that was stupid," Lucifer paused, "Whatever I told you that night... was it bad?" Lucifer asked looking up at you.

You took a deep breath, "It's ok, I understood why you wanted it to stay quiet, I never held that against you. And...no, not bad, but it did scare me. I didn't know what to think of it."

"Can... can you tell me what I said?" Lucifer asked with big worried eyes.

You thought for a moment, this was the part you were most scared of at this point. This is where everything could fall apart again. "Can you tell me your side of things first, before I do?"

Lucifer swallowed hard, not liking how you were dodging the question, but he nodded.

"Ok," Lucifer started, "I... was really nervous that day, for a while... I'd been wondering how much of your care was real versus an act. It hadn't felt like it had been fake for... well I mean it really had never felt fake. I remember... I wanted to ask you or tell you something related to that. I had talked to a friends about that earlier in the day..."

"Asmodeus?" you asked.

"Yes! Did I say something about him? About that conversation?" Lucifer asked.

"You said he started dating someone, but not to tell anyone. I never have," you replied.

'Wow, why was that the point I had brought up? I really was out of it,' he thought.

"Well, anyways, he encouraged me to talk to you, but I had a drink to calm myself down because I was so nervous, but one became two, became four became... way too many..." Lucifer continued sheepishly, "And then I couldn't remember the rest of the night, I woke up the next morning with a crazy hangover, trying to jog my memory, and then I got the call from the Lounge. They did tell me that you were on vacation... but then added that "the truth" was that you had put me on your ban list, that you had come back saying you "couldn't take this shit anymore" and that you were a good actor, that you were a heartbreaker, that you would "even break the King's heart if you had the chance".

You gasped and more tears welled up in your eyes, "Lucifer, it's not true! You have to believe me," you hugged Lucifer tightly in your lap, "That's not who I am, yes I can act, but I swear I haven't ever once lied to you!"

Lucifer held your face, "I know."

You stared down at him as tears rolled down your cheeks, "You do?"

He nodded, "I didn't in the moment, when the call happened, but the others did. Husk and Angel. The whole damn hotel sat me down to have an intervention to set me straight. I was still hesitant, but between your reaction now and them... I believe you. You do care about me, you always have."

"Yes, of course I care about you!" you say holding his face with one hand. Lucifer smiled and nuzzled his face into your hand.

"Lucifer, the person you talked to on the phone. Do you remember anything distinct about them? Their voice or the way they talked," you asked earnestly.

Lucifer thought, "I remember it was a feminine voice, very hissy ssssss sounds the entire time they talked."

You saw red, that was all the proof you needed.

"Cynthhhhia," you snarled. Lucifer's eyes widened, he had never seen you mad before.

"Who is Cynthia?" Lucifer asked, an edge in his voice.

"She is the biggest bitch at the Lounge, the girl I always talked about cutting down to size? That's her. She was on phone's that day as a punishment for hurting me the night I ran back to the Lounge," you seethed, "Larry must have stepped away and she must have a had enough time to slip you that lie..."

Lucifer sat up more in your lap, eyes turning red, "You think this Cynthhhhia bitch lied to get us apart? Why?"

"Yes... she always hated that I was getting paired with more "high rollers" as we would call them, well-off powerful people, she hated that I was more popular with customers than her... she must have taken the opportunity to sever our relationship to make me suffer..." you stopped as Lucifer got up from your lap stepping a few feet away from you breathing heavily with his hands balled into tight fists, "Lucifer?"

You watched as the air seemed to shake around him, his wings snapped out from his back and started to flap, his eyes burned with blind rage as this horns and tail erupted from his body, a flame appearing above his head, his claws growing large and sharp. Flame escaped from his mouth as with a demonic voice Lucifer bellowed, "HOW DARE THAT BITCH SEVER YOU FROM ME?! HER LIVE IS FOREFIT. I WILL GRIND HER BODY TO DUST. I WILL BEAT THE AFTERLIFE OUT OF HER. I WILL RIP HER APART WITH MY BARE HANDS AND FEED HER TO THE CANNIBALS. I FASHION HER FLESH INTO BOOTS. I WILL..."

You ran up and wrapped your arms around Lucifer's waist, the air stopped rumbling, his body started to relax, his flames dissipated, and he looked down at you with a softened eyes, still glowing.

"Lucifer please, I'm mad too... but please stay with me. She's not worth the energy! You can turn her into snake jerky boots tomorrow!" You say, clinging to him tightly, "I need you here now..."

Lucifer blinked back to his regular red eyes before letting himself drop back to the ground, wrapping his arms back around you, "I'm sorry, Duckie... I'm just so mad that one lie over a phone call caused so much pain for you and I..." he pulled away a little and cupped your face with one hand, "I just want to make her pay for what she has done to us."

"I do too," you say carding your fingers through his hair, "I'm sure the others would too, I'm looking at you readers, but... how about we ruin her day tomorrow. Ok? Let's not let her ruin this, she's not worth it."

Lucifer hummed into your touch and closed his eyes, allowing himself to revert back to his normal soft appearance, "Ok... on one condition," he said opening his eyes again to look into yours.

"What would that be?" you ask nervously.

"Tell me what it was that I told you. Please?" he asked with bright eyes.

You looked away briefly and then met his gaze again, you felt your face grow hot, "You sure? You're not going to get mad?"

Lucifer gave you a confused smile, "Why would I be mad at you for telling me something I said to you? Just... tell me." Lucifer still held you in a close embrace, looking into your eyes.

You breath deeply, and look down at Lucifer, "You... you told me that you loved me."

Both of your faces turned bright red as you starred at each other in tense silence.

'Are you shitting me? I told her I loved her while I was shit face plastered?! Fuck, ya... ok her reaction makes sense now' Lucifer thought.

"Oh... golly... haha... I can see why that might make you uncomfortable" Lucifer said looking away from you with a nervous laugh.

You look at Lucifer, noticing deep blush running across his pale cheeks, and smiled. You steeled yourself for the next question.

"Did you mean it?" you asked.

Lucifer looked up into your eyes, studying your face. This was the moment he had wanted so many weeks ago, this was how it was supposed to feel. Vulnerable, terrifying, but the only place he ever wanted to be. This was the moment that would change everything, but now, he knew she cared, this would not be the end of everything.

"Yes, (y/n), I love you. I've loved you for months."

You heart swelled with joy to hear him say it this time, and with him being sober and so nervous, all of your worries from the past didn't matter now. You couldn't keep your eyes from welling with tears of joy. You moved your hands up to Lucifer's face to hold his soft cheeks.

Lucifer sat in swirl of emotions as he watched you react to his statement, 'Does she... feel the same?'

"Well..." Lucifer got out, before freezing up, trying to figure out what to say.

You laughed, "I... I love you too, Lucifer."

Lucifer's eyes go wide, taking a moment to process your words, before he moves without thinking, pulling you in closer and pressing his lips against yours.

The kiss sent waves of electricity through both of your bodies. You had kissed a lot of people for work, but nothing had ever felt like this before. You felt gripped by a want to fuck Lucifer in a way you had never wanted to fuck someone before, you ached for him, you ached for only him. In that moment you were ruined for watching to touch another soul ever again. Your tongues explore each other's mouths, passionate and desperate, as if you both relied on the other to breath.

After a few minutes, you both break the kiss, pressing your foreheads together, breathing heavily.

"Fuck..." Lucifer heaved, "That was amazing... You are amazing."

You laugh, tracing a finger down Lucifer's chest, "Just wait til, I get me hands on the rest of you... If you want that... of course."

Lucifer's eye glazed over with pure lust as he looked you over, "Oh, Duckie... I have wanted nothing more than to rip your clothes off and take you to Heaven since the day I met you... but I don't want to be selfish and I feel like I would want to be. I want you to be mine, all mine, only mine," he purred into the skin of your neck. You tip your head back and let your eyes roll back with the pleasure of the sensory.

"Then you can, have me," you say. Lucifer gives you a look.

"I'm all yours, I'll quit the Lounge, move into the hotel like I wanted, and I will be only yours, if you'll have me," your eyes looked with Lucifer's.

He smiled, putting his forehead against yours, "I accept, you will be mine and I will be yours. Tomorrow, we will go down to Lounge, give them your 2 minute notice, and then... we make that little bitch Cynthhhhia rue the day she ever messed with us." Lucifer planted another long passionate kiss on your lips.

"But for now... I get the feeling that we may have some people downstairs that want to see the results of our conversation. What do you say?" Lucifer said, offering you his arm. You smile and take his arm, going out the door and making your way downstairs to the hoops and hollers of your hotel friends, especially when Lucifer kissed you again in front of all of them.

You spent the rest of the night partying and talking with the hotel crew until you grew tired. Then, Lucifer picked you up and took you up to his room in the hotel, where you and Lucifer fell asleep in either others arms again, the way you would every night from then on.

______________________________________________________________

The next morning, you wake up, tightly snuggled against Lucifer's chest, and you look up to see him unabashedly looking down with love filled eyed at you and running his fingers through your hair. He smiled warmly as your eyes met his.

"Good morning~" he cooed as he dipped his head down to kiss your lips. Your bodies moved closer to each other as you kissed, starting to get drunk off of the taste of the other. Your face and chest grew hot and red, until eventually Lucifer broke the kiss you hold your face, staring into each other's dilated eyes. Lucifer was pleased by the love drunk look on your face.

"You know, if I didn't know any better, I would take you as a pent up, untouched virgin instead of a seasoned sex worker with the way you're reacting to a simple kiss," Lucifer says smugly, taking in the deep red tone of your cheeks and the glazed look of your eyes.

"Well... I mean... I may have had plenty of physical intimacy... but it's always been for money, survival... this, however~" you says as you pull him in for another deep, desperate kiss, hand running down the side of his body before stopping on his thigh, releasing him from the kiss while keeping your lips as close to his as possible without touching. "This is something completely different entirely... unbridled desire like I've never felt in life or death... and I'm famished," you whisper.

Lucifer swallowed hard, blinking hard as his own face burned red and he felt himself get more dizzy and love drunk on your words. "Fuck... oh, Duckie... I want to do... so... many... sinful things to you. I have for months... but I do think we should prioritize taking care of your status at the Lounge... and that bitch... Because I don't know about you, but..." Lucifer rolls on top of you, pinning you to the bed, lowering his head to be next to your ear, "when I finally get to fuck you... I want you to be mine. Only... mine... Don't you agree, my Apple?" he planned a soft kiss on your neck.

You're breathing was ragged, your heart pounded in your chest, you had never been so turned on in your life. You couldn't even speak, all you could do was nod.

Lucifer looked down at you, committing the image of your body beneath him to memory before sighing, chuckling a little, giving you a kiss on both checks and then on the lips before getting off of your and getting up to start getting dressed.

You had to take a minute to let yourself breath for a minute before getting up. Lucifer smuggly looked at you over his shoulder as he buttoned up his vest, "You doing ok over their~?" he cooed.

"Shut up," you say playfully. 'Fuckkkkkk', you thought, how was this the same man that wanted to be dominated so desperately the first night you met? Should have known he was a bratty switch. He was really proving his status as the Sin of Pride with that smug ass attitude this morning, and goooooodddd was it hot.

Eventually you did get out of bed and got dressed for the day, Lucifer giving you a longing look as you did. Before long, it was time for you and Lucifer to head to the Lounge, together. Others from the hotel had learned about the reason for the miscommunication and lack of contact with you during the celebration the night before and many people wanted to come with to watch the confrontation unfold. So soon, you, Lucifer, Charlie, Angel, Cherri, Niffty, and even Alastor, much to Lucifer's dismay, were ready to make your way out to the Entertainment District. Husk and Vaggie also wanted to go, but someone needed to stay behind and man the hotel, so they just asked for a play by play of the events when everyone returned.

"Ready everyone?" Lucifer called out before tapping his cane on the ground, opening a portal right in front of the Lounge. Lucifer offered you his arm, which you took before stepping out of the portal onto the street in front of your place of work, followed by all of your friends. Immediately upon stepping out onto the street, onlookers started to look, whispers, point, and take pictures as they saw the King with you on his arm, followed by the Princess, a famous Porn Star, and the Radio Demon, with Niffty and Cherri tagging along.

Lucifer opened the door to the Lounge and walked in, striding up to the front counter with you on his arm. Larry turned around to greet the new customers just to find himself facing the King of Hell and company.

"Y-your highness, with (y/n), and the Princess, Angel, t-the Radio Demon, and... uhhh," Larry stopped looking down at Niffty.

"Hi! I'm Niffty!" Niffty gave a sharp smile while waving a knife in her hand. "And I'm Cherri Bomb," she added.

Larry blinked looking at Niffty before looking back up at Lucifer, "Right... uhh... Your Majesty," he bowed, realizing the should have done that the first time. "To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit? And with one of my girls," he said shooting you a quick 'What the hell is happening here?!' look.

"Haha, well! You must be Larry! Let me introduce myself to you my fine man. Hi," Lucifer says extending his hand to Larry, "I'm Lance", Lucifer said, darkening his eyes.

"Oh!" Larry said shaking his hand before the realization kicked in, "Oh..." he looked at you, then Lucifer, back to you, then back at Lucifer, "OOohhhhhhh...." Larry let go of Lucifer's hand, his body starting to shake a little.

Lucifer smirked and wrapped an arm around you, "We were wanting to talk to you able a... troubling customer service issue that miss (y/n) and I experienced a few weeks ago that interrupted my services with her... if you have the time that is..." Lucifer said with as smile in his face that did not reach his rage filled eyes.

Larry panicked, "Uh.. uhh yes! Of course! Uhhh... would you like to come back to my office or..."

"Oh, no, my good sir, out here is just fine," continuing his sharp smile, looking out at the sea of girls and customers watching the interaction with growing interest.

"O-Ok, ya sure," Larry clears his throat, "So, uhh... what seems to be the issue?"

"Well... you see... your associate here and I had not scheduled any appointments for the last few weeks due to a... concerning miscommunication issue. You see, while this one was out on her much deserved vacation, I was called and told that she was out for a few days... but then they corrected themself and told me I was banned from scheduling with her again... but that I was free to utilize the services of other girls," Lucifer said distain slowly slipping into his voice, his smile starting to strain.

Larry's expression changed from fear to frustration, "Oh... that is troubling, I can confirm that (y/n) did not express any desire to ban you, sir. I apologize... I had no idea that happened... You... wouldn't happen to know who it was that you talked to that day, would you?"

"I didn't catch a name, but it was someone with a feminine voice and elongated "S"s.... kinda... serpentine sounding. You... wouldn't happen to know of anyone on your staff that would fit that description... would you?" Lucifer said, his smile now fully flat with half opened, unenthused eyes.

Larry balled his hands into fits, "As a matter of fact, your highness... I do... I'll... be... right back..." Larry made his way to the back to find the girl that matched the description, the sea of people parting as he lumbered through.

Lucifer looked up at you and winked, "Showtime" he mouthed to you. You smiled back at him as you started to hear the familiar screams of Cynthhhhia as Larry dragged her up to the front lobby, tossing her on the floor in front of Lucifer and you.

"AAHHHHH!!! Larry what the fuck! I wasssss in the the middle of a sssssession! What's the big ide-" Cynthhhhia finally looked up to Lucifer and you standing in front of her, glaring down at her, with his arm around your waist at his side. "Ohhhhh! Y-your highness, itssssss and honor, w-wha-what is thisssss all about?" She tried to smile at him, here eyes darting to you and to the others watching around the room.

"Apparently, a few weeks ago, you had a little of a communication issue with Mr. Morningstar here, or should I say... Mr. Lance... Care to explain, Cynthhhhia?" Larry hissed through clenched teeth.

"Lance, wha-" Cynthhhhia finally remembered, she now looked at you, then Lucifer, back to you, then him. Then she looked back at Larry, then around the room, to Charlie and Angel, then back to Lucifer. In that moment, she didn't not understand how this happened, but she knew she was absolutely fucked.

"Well... I feel like you already know... but I'll just ssssay it. I lied, I lied to Lanc-Lucifer... about (y/n)'sssss vacation, I had no one around ssssso I told him he had been banned, he didn't ask any questionsssss and didn't try sssssscheduling another appointment... Ssssso I reported that I had called and that he would call back to ressssschedule... I thought I was in the clear..." Cynthhhhia said looking at the ground, then looked up again, "I guess there were sssssome factorsssss that I didn't not account for.."

"Ya! Like us!" Angel added.

"Like her developing friendships and bonds during her time with my dad that cared to ask why she was not around anymore, and we figured out that these two had two very different understandings of why they were not able to see the other," Charlie said with a triumphant smile, gesturing to her dad and you.

"Cynthhhhia, why would you do this?" Larry asked coldly.

Cynthhhhia hissed, "For the same reason as alwaysssss, I hated her sssssuccesssss! I saw a chanccccce and I took it. The real question issss, why did you all care sssssso much. She's is just a ssssstupid, ssssselfish, fake, whore!"

In an instant, Lucifer's demon form emerged, horns, wings, red eyes, tail and all, and he flicked his sharp tail to her neck, lifting her head to meet his gaze, "Because my dear, ssssssweet, idiot," he spat, "She is actually none of those things. She is the kindest, sweetest, warmest, most loving, and selfless woman I have ever met, and because of that... I fell in love with her."

The room gasped, including Cynthhhhia and Larry. "You're little stunt simply caused us to be apart before we could talk it out. Thanks to my daughter, we figured it out, we figured you out. So now... my question for both of you is... how do we rectify this.. little problem? This certainly caused myself and my love much grief over the last few weeks, and it sounds like this putrid snake was causing my dear problems long before that at this establishment... and I simply cannot let that stand," Lucifer said, starring daggers into Cynthhhhia's soul.

"Well uhhh... as far as I can control... Cynthhhhia is fired from my establishment and will be backlisted from every brothel and porn studio in the Pride Circle effect of immediately, she will be kicked out of housing with us, and I will turn a blind idea to anything that becomes of her outside of this establishment... Does that seem fair?" Larry asked. Cynthhhhia seethed on the ground.

Lucifer smiled, "A good start but not enough, there is more I will require, and I have a list of demands."

Larry shifted uncomfortably, "Of course your highness, what would those be?"

Lucifer looked at you and smiled, "I request the release of (y/n) from her work contract here, as well as her housing contract," Lucifer looked back at Larry, "She will not be needing to be here anymore now that she is with me."

Larry made a displeased face, and looked at you "Is this what you want Babydoll?"

You nodded, "It has nothing to do with you, Larry, you have been good to me..." you look to Lucifer and the others, "I just finally found where I belong... and I need to see where this goes."

Larry nodded, "Consider it done. I'll miss you, kid."

Lucifer nodded, "Well..." he clapped his hands, " I guess we are done here then! Duckie, I will have your stuff taken out of your old room and moved to the hotel. As for you," Lucifer said looking down at Cynthhhhia, who was on the floor trying to crawl away, but froze in place when addressed, "We are not quiet through with you." Lucifer wrapped his tail around her waist and pulled her along as he walk out the door, followed by the other hotel crew and some interested patrons and girls.

Cynthhhhia screamed as she was dragged and tossed out onto the street in front of Lucifer and the others.

Lucifer looked to you with a slight bow, gesturing towards Cynthhhhia, "My darling, would you like to do the honors?" he purred.

You shrugged, "I don't really wanna touch her, but I'll start her off," you say stretching your arms as you walked towards her.

Cynthhhhia cowered and pleaded with you, you wound up your arm and slugged Cynthhhhia in the face, sending her flying back several feet. You were met with a crowd of cheers and yelps, Lucifer nodded approvingly at your punch. Lucifer next rolled up his sleeves and pummeled her into the ground a few dozen times before getting up staying he had enough. Cynthhhhia was still conscious, but barely.

Lucifer then offered the chance up to the rest of the crew. Niffty ran up and gave her a few quick stabs, then to your surprise, Alastor stepped forward with a sinister grin on his face. You and Lucifer gave each other a confused look, then looked back at him.

"Now Cynthhhhia, darling, as much as I enjoyed seeing how much torment your little stunt caused, I do say I that I am not very fond of how it impacted the overall morale of the hotel, and I simply cannot have that," Alastor said as his horns and body started to grow larger and more sinister, his face turning more into the radio face you had seen it become before in battle. "I'm sorry, my dear, but I'm going to need to make an example out of you, to show everyone what happened when you mess with the Hazbin Hotel and it's residents. And besides! ...my radio broadcast has been in need of some new screams!" Alastor laughed maniacally before engulfing Cynthhhhia in his mystical black tentacles and carried her off to be ripped apart and have her screams added to his collect on his broadcast.

You and the other's starred off after Alastor in horror as he took of with Cynthhhhia. "Wow..." you said, "That uhhh... that was not the ending to her I expected. But I'll take it!" You smiled looking at Lucifer who smiled and rolled his eyes. He then grabbed your waist, pulling you into a dip and kissed you deeply for all of Hell to see.

"Come on," he said breaking from the kiss, "Lets get you home."

Home.

You liked the sound of that.

______________________________________________________________

One last chapter I think! And IT.WILL.HAVE.SMUT. xoxo, dany As usual, leave a comment if you want added to the taglist so that you can get notifications when future chapters drop! xoxo, dany (OMG there are so many of you!😍 Please let me know if the tag isn't working for you) Taglist :(red names are not tagging for some reason 😢) @froggybich @wonderlandangelsposts @glowinthedarkbones1150 @marydragneell @crescent-z @superdinosaurnacho @jam0001 @kyo-kyo1 @so-get-this-sammy @lilzebeth @kelppsstuff @loquacious-libra @pinkhoneydrop @luleck @writer-girl99 @lavenz @stormz369 @littleladydemon @soujiswife @melday0105 @luluxx118 @sseleniaa @futureittomainn @cktkat @zaneyyyy @uravitsy @liecoris @starlitvenus @hannahrose130 @elleofdragons @butch-medusae @concentratedconcrete @erosamasan @stranger-chan @aquaamethyst96 @lxkeee @holyspacething @hulyenl @leximus98 @lu-ferri12 @mixplara @katnisspeetaprim @rebecca-hvnstn @roboticsuccubus83 @nekemewlita @femboyfatalle @thelethex @cryptidghostgirl @snowlotr @bangchansdirty-slut @glowymxxn @mcueveryday @hotvillianapologist @oneiric-rotaerc @wolfdaddyalphasworld @sleepypottersworld @wisterialagoon @theredviolets @theperfectmangovoid @lemonmoonmochi @sapphireravensworld @ezi0724 @undertalephanjackandmark-blog

[woodle-isbae]

Nerd y/n and jock Connie enemy to lovers love story

Not all bad

Connie.S x Reader

warnings : more like rivals/frenemies than enemies , swearing , Reader and Connie have a past together , alot happens in one night , Reader is the typical nerd who tries to fit in. Reader was invited by Ony btw.

A/N: I'm going to make this a little story

you sat in the middle of a couch , sand witched between a passed out drunk rando and a couple on the brink of fucking each other. You took small sips from your red party cup , the loud boom of the music made its way into your ears.

your eyes scanned around the room , in search of a familiar face until it lander on a Buzzed head , legs being lifted up as he drank from a keg. people cheering him on and supporting the dumb party game. You watched this go on until he was let go , stumbling a bit before waddling your way .

his face was a flushed red , obviously drunk from the way he could barely hold himself up. He moved closer each time you blinked , until he stopped in front of you and stared you down , his eyebrows knit together for a moment until his face changed. he hunched over to the couple next to you and threw up, gasps and screams erupted from the two next to you , they shoved passed him and scurried out to leave.

''what the fuck springer!?'' You got up , refusing to be his next target.

he looked at you , a string of drool hung of his lower lip while he swayed side to side , clutching his stomach lightly.

''You got a staring pro-'' you were just about to cuss him out until you felt a hand slither round your waist.

you whipped your head around , being met with the pearly white smile of your Situationship , Onyankapon.

''Jus' forget it baby , he ain't important'' he took your hand , leading you away from the barely present person. You glanced back to see him walking over to his group for a second round.

. . .

you were making your way to the drinks , pushing past a couple of people until you found the bottles splayed out on a table, some empty and others barley finished. You mixed up some concoction for you and Ony , heading back to the pool area he dragged you off to , he wasn't there.

You checked in the backyard and went back inside , you turned the corner to head back into the kitchen until you bumped into someone , you made sure you didn't spill the drinks in your hands before looking up.

Being met with the face of Ony , absolutely mortified while he had another girl against him , she looked annoyed at you.

"Oh.." you muttered out , not even bothering to get angry.You knew he would do this but you guys just began talking.

"C'mon , don't get mad...we not even togeth-"

"Onyankopon...seriously??"

The girl shoved herself off him , scoffing and dissapearing in the crowd that was beginning to form

"See what you did..fuck , let's talk outside-"

"What I did...man fuck your shit."

You kissed your teeth , tossing the two cups on him before turning on your heels to leave , trying to get as far away from him before he could snake his way back into your heart. You could hear him calling you but ignoring to avoid any further interaction, your eyes filled to the brim with tears of anger , you needed to get back at him.

"Y/N."

Your head whipping over to the slurred call of your name , Just the person you wanted to see , absolutely drunk off his ass as he was left by his friends to cool off. Probably said something dumb.

"This don't mean anything-"

You blurted out before he could speak any further , spotting Ony in the corner of your eye and you needed to do something. You leaned forward , grabbing the man infront of you and smashing your lips together, eyes shut tightly and hands flailing around his body as his own slithered to your hips.

You could feel eyes staring at you both , a pair burning into your face until you finally pulled back , keeping your bodies close to eachother and hands in places you wouldn't even dare to put. Feigning innocence , you turned your head to the angered face on the other man's face.

"Fuck is your pro-"

"Don't tell me your mad.?? We not even together."

You mimicked his words ,down to the exact same tone.He was about to say something until he was cut off. The voice deeper and more serious.

"Jus' forget it baby..He ain't important."

Your eyes widened a bit , looking over to the suddenly sobered up man who had you in his grasp. He copied you and mimicked the words he could try to remember.

"Fuck both yall , and you are such a whore Y/N L/N."

He stormed off , seemingly leaving the event, while people whispered and went back to minding their business . You were swiftly shoved off , Connie going back to the drink in his cup.

"J'so you know , I only did that to help you...I wouldn't fuck you in a million years time."

You tsked and crossed your arms , looking him up and down with annoyance. You guys never really got along, never knew why but sometimes you would cuss eachother off until you nearly got into a fist fight.

"You jus' lucky this is Eren's party , I would've popped your shit by now."

"Can you go back to ready your little anime-book thingies , why are you even here.??"

"They're called comics , Constance. And I'm here to have fun and not drink my ass off."

He glared up at you , using his full name was only for people who knew him and due to unfortunate circumstances, You fit in that list.

"Fuck off.. I don't wanna see your face."

You huffed and turned to leave , Honestly this night was a mess. You could care less about what happens in your life , you just needed to rest for once.

You got back to your house , throwing yourself onto the bed and letting out a muffled sigh. Today was such an eventful day, excluding anything before 6pm.

You got changed into some sweats and threw on a tank top, making yourself a snack to eat while you scrolled on your phone. Laughing at memes and jokes sent from your Group chat , talking about the next cosplay convention and who your going dressed as.

The night was finally ca until you got a different notification, an unknown number sent you message and a image attachment.

It was a photo of Connie kissing you. The message stating that they had already sent It to half the school.

You only sighed , not really caring since you don't like half the school anyways.. that was until you thought of Connie. Then panic struck , he's probably gonna hate you for ruining his look.

What kinda jock dates a Nerd-scratch that, what kind of Jock dates Y/N L/N? You paced around your room , trying to think of any way to get him out of this until your phone dinged again.

Constance 🤓

-> we need to talk. Like rn.

You.

-> yeah, ik , I saw the photo.

Constance 🤓

-> ...okay , Monday after school, your place?

You only sent a quick thumbs up , he was obviously trying not to call you and cuss you out for ruining his life-that's what you thought- a pit of nervousness making itself home in your gut.

How am I gonna face him.??

[amxrany]

!! CHAPTER 7 / DIASOMNIA ARC SPOILERS !!

Damn we are eating a lot (Part 2):

During the battle, Baul is shooked on how Silver and Sebek are good at dealing with horses to which Sebek replies that they're part fo the equestrian club so it's a natural thing for them

Yuu and Grim were about to get attacked by an Iron Man but Lilia comes in to defend them. BUT THEN LILIA PROCEEDS TO SMACK SILVER AND SEBEK BEING ALL "This is why I hate children 😒" 😭😭😭

After the battle we reach the castle (which is the castle in the Sleeping Beauty movie) AND THEN WE SEE THE KNIGHT OF DAWN

Anyways going back to the topic, we also get Henric, who is pretty much going "Meleanor if you don't get out of that castle right now we'll invade the castle together with the Knight of Dawn" AND JESUS FUCK HIS SPRITE 💀

Yucks

It turns out the Knight of Dawn doesn't want any part of this either, cuz Henric wants Meleanor's magic orb and dragon egg (aka Malleus) since they're really precious things

Idk what's up with this chapter and their thing for turning characters into orphans cuz the Knight of Dawn is also an orphan adopted by the king 🧍‍♀️, and Henric tells him that if he can steal the orb maybe it could save the king and Leah

We then see Meleanor, WHO IS A FUCKING BADDIE SO DAMN REAL TWST YKNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE YOUR WOMEN 😍😍😍

WE ALSO SEE EGG MALLEUS AWWWW

Meleanor tells them that she was planning to take a nap with the egg but useless people interrupted that, and she refers to the egg as Malleus already 🥹. Lilia is just confused and asks how is she sure that the egg is a boy, in which Meleanor replies that a mother is always sure and knows that Malleus will grow up to be beautiful like his father, Leverne

But then she sees Sebek and Silver and makes them get down on their knees (MAAM I'LL ALSO GET DOWN ON MY KNEES FOR YOU 🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️), she then goes on about how humans are weak and stuff. Lilia tries to defend them but Baul tells us about Meleanor's hatred for humans and that we might as well stay quiet

But then Lilia loses his shit as well and tries to tell Meleanor about the danger that's just waiting outside but Meleanor refuses, saying that she wants to fight because she's a mother who wants to protect egg Malleus (I swear I can't this update is making me cry 😭). So she tells everyone to escape with the egg while she fights the Knight of Dawn and we get this scene of Lilia holding on to egg Malleus

Meleanor tells them to leave but Lilia refuses. So out of anger, she zaps him which causes everyone to panic cuz he has the egg and Silver tries to stop it but Meleanor gets even more mad that she zaps him too like jesus this woman and her anger issues. Silver tries to plead with them to stop fighting because people who love each other don't fight

Meleanor replies that even if she doesn't make it, Malleus is still there. But Lilia tells her that Malleus can't hatch without the true love of a parent. BUT THEN WE GET THIS REVEAL THAT LILIA PROPOSED TO MELEANOR 200 YEARS AGO AND HE ALSO LOVED LEVERNE LIKE LILIA MELEANOR LEVERNE POLY RELATIONSHIP IS FUCKING REAL. Meleanor reassures Lilia that he will find a way to love Malleus since he also loved her and Leverne 🥹

She then summons thorns that drags Lilia and the rest away from the castle, saying her final goodbye to both Lilia and Malleus (I'm crying rn guys). Lilia tries to find a way back in to save Meleanor but Baul yells at him to calm down cuz he was still holding egg Malleus, and that Meleanor trusted them to protect the egg

Meleanor makes her appearance to the Knight of Dawn and Silver Owls, which starts another battle....

Next: Part 3

Previous: Part 1

[ellapurnellmybeloved]

fluff alphabet |clarisse la rue

author's note: Hi lovelies, please send me requests! I don't know what gave me the confidence to think I can write, probably delusion. Also, this is according to my personal views of Clarisse so don't be mad if it's different from what you've imagined. Leave a comment, I love interacting with people, xx.

warnings: I tried my best to keep it gender/race/cabin neutral for the most part but there are still some feminine coded things here and there. English is not my first language so excuse any grammar mistakes.

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

Starting off strong because with Clarisse sparring is a must. Although she doesn't like to think there will ever come a time in which she won't be there to protect you, it's still an essential part of life as a half-blood. And who better to train you than the daughter of war herself? And in case the apprentice becomes the master and you happen to beat her or pin her to the ground or even hold your dagger to her neck? Oh boy, she's done for. Actual heart eyes.

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

She pretty much loves everything about you, she can't really just choose one aspect. Though, if she had to, she'd probably say she loves you for being supportive, understanding, and patient with her. You understand her better than anyone. That's what made her know you were the one for her. You can control her anger issues and calm her down when she's on the verge of exploding and she thinks that's beautiful.

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc?

The art of intimacy or comfort never came easy to Clarisse. Her relationship with her mother isn't the best and hasn't been for a while now and her father is a grade A asshole. Her first instinct when you're feeling down is to fix it, to ask you who or what happened and give them a physical piece of her mind, but that's not always how it works. She'll pull you to her lap and hold you through the night or for as long as you need, wiping your tears and kissing your cheeks. She'll let you vent your heart out. You can tell her anything. Or nothing, if you prefer. She's not the best with words but her actions speak much louder.

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

She's never thought that much ahead if she's being honest. Never allowed herself to daydream too much into the future, choosing to live off the present for now. Sometimes, however, she pictures what could be only described as an utopia; to go on such a fantastical quest that the gods can't help but grant the both of you immortality, that way you'd bask in the glory of your love forever and ever.

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

On the outside looking in it would seem Clarisse is the dominant one for sure. And in some ways she is; she likes that you can rely on her, she wants to provide for you, yearns to prove herself capable of such. Still, you're the one in charge. Clarisse is completely devoted to you, and your relationship means more to her than anything she's ever felt before. She cherishes it like no other, always at your beck and call.

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

Clarisse is intense, that much we know. Her anger runs deep and her passion burns red. She's not perfect, and doesn't try to hide it either. She's hot-tempered, arrogant, she's got a short fuse and she holds grudges. Her fatal flaw is pride, which sometimes gets in the way of her good senses, so you'll most likely be the one apologizing first. Despite all that, she can't bear the thought of you being mad at her and absolutely hates fighting with you. It's like it's tearing her apart, especially if you're sad over something she said or did in the heat of the moment. Truth is, she is a fighter at heart so when all is said and done she'll try and make it up to you in some way, somehow.

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

She is so appreciative of everything you do and are. As previously stated, Clarisse didn't get much love growing up so any semblance of that is something she clings hard to. She notices everything, every little thing you do for her and the underlying of your words. How you treat her and others is always stored in the back of her mind and she loves to be loved by you.

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

Clarisse is a very closed off person in general, she doesn't like feeling exposed and being possibly seen as weak. She'll tell you things but there's still some matters you have to pick up on your own and know how to approach them, especially regarding her feelings and personal struggles. She's very honest though, she feels like she owns you that much and appreciates you if you do the same for her. The more your relationship progresses you'll notice being able to read her like an open book because although she does her very best to hide it there's an underlying vulnerability to her behavior in certain moments you'll take proper notice of the more you know her.

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

Clarisse has definitely become more gentle since you. It still doesn't extend to your friends and family but more so how she behaves around you and knowing she doesn't have to put up that though front all the time. Her sense of self worth has improved as well, especially when you reassure her through her insecurities and doubts (never being the son her father wanted etc.)

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

Oh, boy. Clarisse’s jealousy is very fuelled by… Well, anything really. She doesn't necessarily need a motive to go toe to toe with someone, just staring at you for a second longer than she deems them worthy of and she's ready for a fight. It's hard for anyone to get close enough to flirt with you because she's always there, by your side, kind of like a guard dog. But only because she knows how amazing you are and her insecurities do blurry some lines on what's acceptable. She's working on it though.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

Clarisse is definitely a good kisser. She doesn't have much experience, if any, but she's a natural. It sounds cheesy but the first time she kisses you was like butterflies and church bells dancing loudly in the wind. The way she cups your face so uncharacteristically soft and how she breaks off the kiss with a series of small pecks only to smile one of her beautiful smiles so close to each other's faces… Magical. It could be at the fireworks on the fourth of July or it could be in your favorite spot in the woods, soaked in lake water during a midnight swim or after a heated argument. No matter how many times Clarisse kisses you, she'll never not feel electricity similar to her spear’s sharp edge digging into her body and soul.

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

Clarisse does not have a clue what she's doing. I feel like she'd say something in the heat of the moment; either confessing her true feelings or masking them by saying something hurtful she doesn't actually mean. In the latter scenario she'd storm off and berate herself over it but her pride and fear that you'd never look at her again made her put off her apology for some time and let it all sink in to talk to you when she's ready. That is until you start properly ignoring her and she nearly goes crazy with longing, just missing your overall presence and having her stomach turn to knots at the way things were left between you two. That's one of the few times Clarisse sucks it up and reaches for you. The apology is awkward but overwhelmingly honest and she tells you she's an idiot but you're content in forgiving her and giving her a second (actual first) chance.

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

Again, Clarisse never thought she'd live to see the day she'd actually have a marriage prospect. Her life just doesn't seem complete without you anymore and the moment she realizes that she's done for. It would probably be while you're laying in bed together, your head on her chest while you play with her fingers. Your eyes are heavy with sleep but hers are wide open, thinking. “Will you marry me?” said while staring into the distance and you probably think she's joking except Clarisse is not one to joke about that sort of thing. “Not now. But eventually.” and whether you ask if she's serious or just accept it right away, she'd look at you seriously for a beat and then tackle you into a bear hug, crushing you underneath her. She doesn't see the point in a big wedding, but if that's what you're into, she won't mind.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

She is not immune to babe or baby but would still like to keep some variety. Things like sunshine, gorgeous, angel or others (I'm looking at you, person who created the “mama/s” HC). She does like your name very much, or probably a shortened version of it. Don't expect her to not tease you if any of these make you flustered.

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

Clarisse likes to think she's good at hiding it when she's absolutely not. As Taylor Swift once said, you can hear it in the silence. Just the way her eyes soften when she's looking at you speaks millions, but people also get whiplash at how fast her mean attitude changes whenever you're around. Her love giving languages are probably acts of service and physical touch. She loves to do things for you, feeling all big and mighty whenever she can make your life just a little easier. Touching is also a must but we'll get to that in a second.

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

Clarisse is not very comfortable with public displays of affection, because she is afraid of being judged or mocked by others for being weak or soft. She prefers to keep her relationship with you private and intimate, but doesn't mind the little things. She does gloat about being with you as well as showing you off, so that everyone on camp knows you're hers. She brags about you all the time and I mean, seriously, all the time. She's not a big hand holder but she almost over compensates by grabbing at your hips and thighs, throwing an arm over your shoulder or hiding her face in your neck. She especially loves bonfires when you sit on her lap and she can hold firmly onto your waist while she's talking to her siblings or just press her forehead against yours when her social battery is low.

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

She's very perceptive. She may not know what has changed right away but she's also persistent so she'll figure it out in an instant. If it's the way you did your hair or something that happened along your day, even if you change your usual greeting. She notices and she'll definitely ask you about it.

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

Clarisse wants to be loved, that's all she’s ever wanted, and she has so much love to give, therefore I believe she'll do just about anything to make you happy. That includes being an absolute sap. She honestly doesn't mind how cliche it is, if it works on you, you bet she's using it. If anyone cares to say anything remotely negative about you or your relationship she will promptly glare them into oblivion or give them something to really worry about.

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

She is your absolute biggest supporter. Especially if you don't believe in yourself, then she's trying even harder for you to see just how well you can do something if you put your mind to it. With something like sword training she is more than willing to help you, rewarding you with kisses and cursing you for distracting her with your pretty face.

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

Clarisse doesn't mind change, she rolls with it. If you have a certain way of doing things, a routine you like to follow, that's fine by her. If you're unpredictable, even better. She just loves to see what comes next in terms of your relationship, not necessarily needing anything to amplify her love for you. It's already hardwired into her.

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

She knows you like the back of her hand. Even the slightest furrow of your eyebrows or tilt of your head and she'll be there in a second asking what's wrong. She does learn to be more empathetic towards your own struggles, which was hard at first because she wasn't sure how to see things from someone else's point of view. Though road but you make it work.

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

She doesn't have much to look forward to so Clarisse values her relationship with you very highly, as you are one of the few people who can see past her tough and aggressive exterior and appreciate her softer and more vulnerable side. She is fiercely loyal and protective of you, and would do anything to keep you safe and happy.

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

I actually read this one on a Wattpad story a while ago so credit to the original creator but, Clarisse has a teddy bear named Mr. Muscles she's had since she was like, nine and she cherishes it like it's her most prized possession. When she introduced this piece of information to you, you just found her so incredibly adorable you couldn't contain the giggles and she gets so hot in the face she pushes you off her bed and it's honestly one of the most memorable moments in your relationship.

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

I headcanon Clarisse as your personal furnace as well as a koala bear so kisses and cuddles are a must, especially if it's cold outside. She loves to take naps with you, it gets to the point where she has trouble sleeping without you (so you give her a vial of your perfume to spray on Mr. Muscles for when you're away).

Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

Clarisse with you: 🥰

Clarisse without you: 😡

She gets snappier than usual and easily annoyed but she'll also get really sad because she's never had to deal with being away from you. Her siblings try to cheer her up by shoving some kid's head into the toilet but she's so disinterested in anything that does not involve you she just goes about her days training until she can see you again and show off her muscles.

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lenghts for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

The answer is yes, one hundred percent. “Touch her and you die” trope goes so hard. Not only that but she would willingly sacrifice the world and herself for you and your relationship. She would go out of her way to make sure you are okay, that you are fed and hydrated and well rested, even messing up her own sleeping schedule in order to take better care of you.

[perseephoneee]

Okay, so I was thinking Hope Mikaleson x Reader. Where they are in a relationship. Where Hope was fighting and kill supernatural people and I forgot to mention that she turned off her humanity. Season 4. She left Salvador school and now she came back to surprised everyone but she sees Reader who was depressed because she was mad at Hope for leaving her and she expected her to be happy but no she was angry at her. Reader walked out not caring and Hope followed her. When Reader screamed at her for leaving, Hope turn her humanity back on and she broke down.

Fluff at the end but angst at the start.

cruelty (hope mikaelson x reader)

↳ masterlist  ↳ ship exchange ↳ taglist

omg i hope this is kinda what you wanted?? i wrote this during class.

It felt unfair for the outside to be sunny and for the fall leaves to twinkle in the light. The sounds of children's laughter echoing, or even the footsteps in the hallway with hushed conversation. You bury your head deeper into your pillow, letting the covers hide you away. Your bed has become a cave of solace. Your mind was a prison of your own design. 

You need to scream. You yearn to be heard. But no one can soothe you; no one bothers. Your heart feels perpetually heavy, this anchor dragging it deeper into your soul. You can't remember the last time you woke up without screaming, your voice raw and scratchy. Any psychologist would say you're depressed. You know what the other feeling is, though— guilt.

You couldn't stop it. You couldn't save her. The woman who changed every ounce of your being, who altered the course of your life in a single smile. She left. You were alone.

Everyone had tried to console you. They brought you meals and whispered niceties. They gave you time to process and to heal. But underneath that sorrow was a boiling, glistening anger.  You rolled over to scream at your ceiling.

"Fuck your, Hope Mikaelson."

"Is that really the welcome I get?"

You sat up, believing the phantom at the door to your bedroom to be exactly that— a ghost. Except the way she leaned against your doorframe, all ego, that was corporeal.

"Hope," you say, brows furrowed. She smiles, no humanity in her eyes.

"I was going for some more fanfare," she stepped into the room. You forced yourself to not recoil. Or to launch yourself out of bed and hold her close. "This, my dear, is wholly disappointing." 

"Disappointing welcome for a disappointing person," you respond. No reaction. You wonder how deep you'd have to swim to find where her soul is.

"Venom doesn't suit you."

"I grew up," you tilt your head, taking her in. All black, every part of a viper and not the warm individual you initially fell in love with. "You should leave."

"But I just got here," she mopes. "Didn't you miss me?"

"Hope, leave," you roll your eyes, getting out of bed and standing your ground. 

"I have things to do, so no, I won't leave."

"Oh really?" You scoff. "All you do is leave; it's what you're best at."

You see a flicker of…something. You wonder if you imagined it. You must've; there's no way she feels anything at all.

"I was trying to be kind, coming to say hello; I guess you don't want that." She pushes off the door, mannerisms presenting an aura of boredom.

"I don't want excuses from a snake," you chortle. "Especially one like you."

"A snake?" She laughs. That laughter doesn't reach her eyes. "That's pathetic."

"Pathetic isn't the half of it," you match her stance. Arms crossed, eyes narrowed. You feel an inexplicable anger. "Pathetic is running away the second things get hard. Pretending to be anything but Klaus Mikaelson's daughter, as if you aren't the product of the cruelest man in history. When you look in the mirror, do you see any of your mother? Or has she run away from the woman you've become?"

You don't remember feeling angry before, but you feel this anger now.

"I loved you, and that was a mistake. Cruelty suits you. Your heroism was nothing but a facade to hide the coward within. When you snapped Lizzie's neck— was it because you started to realize she was better than you? Did you feel threatened by the fact that you mean nothing in the grand scheme of things? Are you really still that insecure?"

You realize you're being cruel. But god, she's been cruel. And you are so so tired of pretending to be okay with it.

"I am happy you are the devil. It makes it easier to leave," you step towards her, standing face to face. There's that flicker again. "I'm done with you. Now…get the fuck out of my room."

You shove past her, marching down the hall in nothing but a ratty t-shirt and a pair of plaid pajama pants. You look like a mess (you feel like a mess), but standing in the same space as Hope was too hard to bear. Being cruel felt good…it felt like a release. 

The world is spinning as you stumble into the bathroom. The tile is cold beneath your feet, and your hands brace the sink as you suck in deep breaths. You have no clue when you started crying. You turn on the sink and splash cold water on your face, trying to steady the sobs that are consuming your entire being. It's so hard to breathe. You don't remember how to.

You sink to the floor, curling up into yourself as you bury your head in your knees. You feel a hand on your shoulder, someone pulling you close, and you let them. You are so, so lonely. The scent of roses and vanilla is a familiar one, and you inhale as if it's the last time you'll ever be able to. 

Hope holds you until you're done crying, and when you finally pull away, you narrow your eyes in hesitation. 

"I never expected you to call me cruel," she whispers, and she seems different. She looks like the Hope you knew. The one you fell in love with, that was your best friend before she became more. The light in her eyes reflects her humanity. "I didn't realize how much it would hurt."

"I didn't mean—"

"You did," she sighs. You wish she could be more angry with you. "I don't blame you."

"I was just so angry—"

"And I was mean," Hope laughs as a tear drops from her eye. You rarely see her cry. "It was easier to hide than it was to be strong. I'm…sorry for hurting you because of it."

You wipe her tears with your thumb, cradling her face. Her skin is smooth to the touch. 

"Are you back?" You whisper. She looks at you, brows furrowed, before nodding slowly. Almost as if she's afraid to admit it. You let out a choking laugh, kissing her with all the love you'd held in for the months she'd been gone. You kiss her cheeks, nose, lips again, everything you can touch. She laughs, something light and airy that you didn't realize how much you missed. You pull back, holding her at arm's length. "Don't you ever fucking do that again."

"I won't," she says, kissing your cheek. "I promise."

[canary3d-obsessed]

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Episode 41, part two

(Masterpost) (Pinboard)  (whole thing on AO3)

Warning! Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!

Nie Mingjue and the Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day

Empathy continues, jumping to Meng Yao and Nie Mingjue's encounter in Nightless City. Once again, let's look at how we saw it the first time around.

In Episode 22, Nie Mingjue unwisely decided to do a stealth advance push on Nightless City, as if "stealth" and "Nie Mingjue" ever belonged in a sentence together. After his inevitable capture, Meng Yao rocks up and says hey.

We cut away to the battle outside and then come back inside where NMJ hits MY with a palm strike.

Meng Yao actually expresses anger for once, knocking NMJ over with a kick, and yelling at him for being rude in front of MY's new boss, Wen Ruohan.

NMJ comes after him again but Wen Ruohan gets involved and the fight turns into NMJ vs. WRH until Nie Mingjue is knocked out. He ends up on the floor surrounded by dead or unconscious Nie cultivators; we don't see, at this time, how they got that way.

(More behind the cut!)

In Episode 41: the encounter in front of Wen Ruohan starts the same way, but Meng Yao taunts Nie Mingjue, fondles his shoulder, and then kills a couple of his wingmen.

Meng Yao--Wen Yao?--has never looked better. He's still rocking Nie braids and Nie colors - with a nice snake pattern trimming his robe. I'd like to say this is evidence of his snakey nature, but the idea that snakes are bad and sneaky is a biblical concept, not a Chinese one.

Anyway the important thing about his look here is that his makeup is gorgeous and his demeanor is totally confident. Unfortunately I can't find the tumblr post that talks about his sassy ex-boyfriend energy in this scene, but it was a wise observation.

Nie Mingjue's sidekicks provoke Meng Yao into killing them - one by insulting the hall they're in, and the next by calling him 走狗-- literally "running dog," but Viki translates it as "lackey."

"Lackey" is a little insulting but it's basically a job description, whereas Meng Yao's reaction to being called "running dog" is more like the way people react to being called "boot licker" in English. I'm not saying it should be translated this way, however - feet have a whole lot of meanings across cultures. I think it could have just been translated "running dog" because by 41 episodes into this show, we have learned that calling someone a dog is rude and insulting, thank you Wen Chao.

Anyhoo, after Meng Yao kills the second dude he asks if anyone else wants to call him 走狗, and Nie Mingjue immediately does. Meng Yao just smiles and has his own lackeys bring Baxia, in a fancy box, to him.

Then he fondles the blade while explaining that he's been spending some quality time with it. Nie Mingjue watches helplessly, unwilling to beg but afraid of whatever's going to happen.

Meng Yao tells him that his Dad's sword was better than his, and asks him to guess how many times WRH will have to strike Baxia to break it. I'm saying "strike," but Viki translates it as "smack" and Netflix translates it as "spank," with questionable results. How many times WILL Wen Ruohan spank it, I wonder?

Meng Yao taunts him some more: Wen Ruohan broke NMJ's father's saber and sent it back to him, which caused him to die of anger. He says this while getting up in NMJ's space and putting on an expression of ecstacy.

NMJ hits him, since that's his solution to everything; Meng Yao gets mad and kicks Nie Mingjue to the floor. It's not clear to me why Meng Yao talks so much shit if he doesn't want to get hit.

Aftermath

The confrontation where Xichen protects Meng Yao is the same as episode 23, up to a point. Nie Mingjue wakes up in Lan Xichen's manly arms and has a moment of happiness before seeing Meng Yao standing by holding Baxia.

NMJ goes to attack him but Lan Xichen protects Meng Yao and explains his whole spying gig -- calling him A-Yao, which has gotta chap Nie Mingjue's ass.

Lan Xichen can block a blow from Baxia one-handed. Hot.

There's a nice parallel here, where Meng Yao uses Lan Xichen as a human shield, similar to Wei Wuxian using Lan Wangji to protect him from Fairy in Episode 34.

Wei Wuxian is, of course, way more handsy about it.

Meng Yao passive-aggressively tells Lan Xichen that he didn't explain his actions because that big meanie Nie Mingjue wouldn't have believed him anyway, and then he kneels in front of Nie Mingjue. That's as much as we got of that whole encounter, in Episode 23.

In Episode 41, after Meng Yao kneels, he explains his situation and said that he only said all that dickish stuff to Nie Mingjue to gain Wen Ruohan's trust, and he's sorry about hurting his feelings.

Nie Mingjue says how about you kneel to those dudes you killed.

Lan Xichen tells Nie Mingjue that yes, A-Yao did horrible things, but I believe that in his heart he… we don't hear the rest because Nie Mingjue interrupts by destroying a lantern, but we don't need to hear the rest because it's the same thing Lan Xichen says all the fucking time; it's become his core belief in the years since.

Meng Yao is surprised that it's the lantern that died and not him, but Nie Mingjue is in an impossible situation. Meng Yao has recruited Xichen so completely to his side that if Nie Mingjue wants to stay friends with LXC, he has to accept Meng Yao . You can see in his face that he knows he's beat.

Continued in part 3!

[wildernessuntothemselves]

Heaven is not fit to house a love (like you and I) | Part 5

Word Count: 6k

Genre: smut, angst, fluff

Summary: When you first met your boyfriend, it was love at first sight. No, more than that. It was love before you even met. It felt like you had known each other in another life and were meant to find each other again. 

But that's not actually true, is it? You and Beomgyu don't actually know each other from another life, and the dreams you've been having aren't memories of your past life either. That's ridiculous. 

But then why does Beomgyu get so defensive about them? And why does each dream feel more real than the one before? 

A/N: this is the sequel to my series YAMQN but I'm trying to write it in a way that it would be comprehensible to people who have never read YAMQN. The parts in italic are the dreams. 

Warnings: fem!reader, sub!gyu, dom!reader, choking, cunnilingus, fingering, riding, mentions of previous noncon

“Oh my god.” Are the words that stir you awake in the morning. 

Beomgyu returns to the apartment to find you in the same position you had fallen in last night, and he freaks out. 

“Fuck, did you stay there all night?” He asks, and tries to scoop you up off the floor but you push him away. 

“Don't touch me. Isn't that what you wanted?” The raspiness of your voice from sleep adds to the harshness of your words, and Beomgyu frowns. “It's not what I wanted. It's what you wanted.”

“Look at me! What part of this exactly did I want?” You indicate towards your disheveled and miserable state angrily, his reply pissing you off. Was it disingenuous to be mad at him for his ridiculous statement despite you making the very same equally absurd one before him? Maybe, but you’re too bitter and upset that he left you last night to care. “I told you I'm trying to fix it.” 

But Beomgyu is not one to let your hypocrisy go unnoticed. “Wow, that makes me feel so much better. I suddenly don’t care that my girlfriend thinks I’m a disgusting piece of shit.” 

You have no comeback to that because you know there is nothing you can say that would justify your recent behavior, even if unintended, towards him, so you run away, knowing he would chase after you. 

“Whatever.” You push yourself off the ground with great difficulty. It turns out that sleeping on the hard floor curled up in a ball and crying your heart out takes a toll on your body, and your screaming bones and muscles make sure you know that. 

“What, are you giving me the silent treatment now?” He scoffs and you stay silent, proving his point as you make your way to your bathroom. 

Are you using anger to push down the guilt you feel at what you've put him through? Yes, but he shouldn't have left you to your thoughts last night because despite his reassurance that he wouldn't leave, you still couldn't help but spend the long tortuous hours until you fell asleep imagining that his small break away from you would allow him to reconsider everything and lead him to dump the crazy, toxic girlfriend he has that is treating him like a criminal over something he never did. What if he decided it was all too much after all and left you to find someone else who he wouldn't fight so much with–whose friends didn't hate–who wasn't insistent on being friends with a guy he clearly feels insecure about? 

“Come on, just fucking talk to me.” 

Now he wants to talk when he made you go through needless hours of torture in the dead of the night by yourself? 

“I don't have time. I have to get to work.” You tell him, voice almost inaudible from all the shouting and crying you did last night. Honestly you don't know how you're even going to speak to customers like this but you're intent on paying Beomgyu back for what he did to you. 

“Are you fucking serious?” He asks, but you don't reply, just turning on the shower and stepping inside. 

You can see Beomgyu is still outside through the fogged up glass pacing up and down the small bathroom and it brings your heart a sick sense of satisfaction that he's waiting for you–that he's atoning in some way for what he did. 

You take your time, not just because the hot water feels heavenly against your aching limbs, but also so you’d make Beomgyu wait. You can’t make him wait hours like he did to you but this small punishment does slightly placate your resentful heart. 

When you step out of the shower, he's immediately back into it, trying to convince you to stop and talk to him but you ignore him, keeping your mouth shut all through getting ready while he talks your head off. 

“This is ridiculous. Why am I the one begging you to talk to me?” He finally asks and you hold back your flinch as you put the finishing touches on your makeup. You have to speak up now. You can’t rebuff him for too long or he might leave again. You cringe inwardly at all these manipulative thoughts filling your mind and prompting you to act in this underhanded way that you never thought you’d behave like before, but you can’t help yourself, finding yourself falling into this toxic way of thinking as if it was something that had always been embedded in a rotten part of your brain you didn’t know existed until it had been unearthed by the stress and pain of everything that has been happening lately. 

“I tried to talk last night but you fucking abandoned me.” You finally shout, shifting the blame onto him again. 

“I didn't abandon you.” He defends himself heatedly. “I needed time to wrap my head around what you're fucking accusing me of!”

“I wasn't accusing you of anything! I know it's just a dream.” You scream as if you could drown out the voice in your head trying to convince you that it was more than that. 

“If you know that then why are you treating me like it's true?” It was his turn to throw out accusations, and this one hit a nerve. 

“Because I can't fucking help it, okay!” Your lips tremble as you tear up. You really don’t know why these absurd dreams and images are affecting you to this extent. “I can't fucking control what my mind choses to spring on me and I can't control what that makes me feel.” 

“Then what the fuck do you expect me to do about it?” He asks, frustrated. You completely understand his reaction. You would be furious and heartbroken if you were in his shoes. He might even be handling it much better than you would have. 

“I don't know, okay? But you leaving me in the middle of the night to deal with this shit on my own is not helping.” You break down, voice turning pathetic and whiny as you cry. Unlike your previous actions and words, this wasn’t intended to sway him into giving into you. You truly don’t know what to do. You don’t want to be having these awful thoughts but you can’t stop them. Still your tears get to him anyway.

“I'm sorry.” He relents right away, always weak when it comes to seeing you cry. “I just needed some time to process it all.”

You scoff through your tears, softer too. “Who are you and what have you done to the Beomgyu I know?” 

He cracks a half-hearted smile. “I guess even he has a breaking point.” 

That is exactly what you’re so scared of–of him reaching that breaking point and leaving you. You give him an equally unenthusiastic smile. “Well, where do we go from here?” 

“Wherever. Doesn't matter as long as we're together.” He says as if he could hear your fearful thoughts and you nod eagerly before he can change his mind. “Together, always.” 

__________________________________

Taehyun knows better than to approach you but he can’t stop himself, not when you look like shit and sound like it too. Due to your rough state, your manager has relegated you to working in the back where you're out of the customers' sight, and that's where Taehyun corners you.

“What happened to you? And don't give me that bullshit you gave the manager about laryngitis.” 

“I don't owe you an explanation.” You sneer, which is useless since he can't see it when your back is towards him. You doubt it would have dissuaded him anyway given his next question. He is like a dog with a bone. He won’t leave well alone. 

“Did he hurt you?”

You whip around to face him, the sneer now turned to a full on scowl. “He didn't. He would never hurt me.”

“You sound defensive.” You almost want to smack the know-it-all look off his face. “God, Taehyun, sometimes it feels like you wish he was abusing me so you have the chance to swoop in and act like the hero.” 

That gets him to frown a little. “I don't need to wish for it when I know he is.”

“He isn't. He would never hurt me. I am the one hurting him. I am the one…” You stop yourself as you feel the tears building up again. You shouldn’t say more anyway. He would just use it against you and Beomgyu. “Whatever. You wouldn’t get it.” 

But Taehyun doesn’t give up that easily. “Maybe I already know.”

You roll your eyes. “Sure you do. 

“He forced himself on you, didn't he?” He says lowly and you’re glad you weren’t holding anything fragile in your hand because suddenly all the strength goes out of your body as an icy grip wraps around your heart.

“W-What?” You stutter, staring at him with a deer-in-headlight look that speaks volumes. 

“I knew it.” His jaw clenches and his hands ball into fists by his sides. “I am going to smash his face in.”

“No. No!” You cry, shaking your head wildly. “He didn't do that, I swear. It's all in my head.”

Taehyun looks at you like you're lost your mind, so you quickly clarify before he misunderstands even further. “It's the dreams. I dreamt he… did that, but he didn't! Not in real life. And when I told him about what he did in those terrible dreams, he was so upset and hurt that I would dream up something so vile about him that he left for the night and I just didn’t handle that too well. That’s all. He didn’t lay a finger on me. He didn’t.”

You were doing your best to clear your boyfriend's name. It was the least you could do now that your stupid dreams have leaked out into the real world to threaten your relationship with Beomgyu and to infect even Taehyun. Yes, you’re responsible for leading Taehyun to come to these revolting conclusions, but even you could never in a million years have been prepared for what he says next. 

“You had a dream about that too?” He asks and you look at him in utter confusion and apprehension, dread building up in your stomach until you feel you won’t be able to contain it anymore. “Too? You had the same dream?”

He nods slowly, his mind visibly working to try to make sense of what he’s saying. “That's why I was worried about that. The dream felt so real, just like the ones you told me about before, the prince dreams. Prince Beomgyu raped you in my dream.”

The world spins nauseatingly around you. How is this possible? How could he have had the same dream you did? You insanity can’t have rubbed off on him to this extent.

“That's impossible. It must be a coincidence.” You shake your head violently, trying to dispel this insanity before it gets forever entrenched into your mind. “Yes, it's a coincidence because I put the image of prince Beomgyu in your head and you hate him so of course you'd dream of something so terrible about him.” You attempt to convince yourself as much as him. 

“Then why did you also have that same dream?” He asks and you shake your head more, making the nausea worse. “Do you also hate him?”

“It's a coincidence.” You repeat weakly but Taehyun appears to believe your weak excuse even less than you do. “Is it?”

You look up at him, and try to conjure up some conviction to defend your love, the love you find yourself hurting once again even in his absence. What the hell is wrong with you? Have you gone insane? You need to get a grip. “Don't tell me you believe the prince dreams are real. I didn't take you for the type to be so superstitious.”

Taehyuns's upper lip curls in disdain at the clear mockery in your voice.“I don't believe they are real but I believe in the psychology behind them. If you truly believe that your boyfriend would never hurt you then why are you having these awful dreams about him? If you truly believe he would never hurt you then why are they affecting you so much?”

“I can't control it.” You cry out, at your wit's end. How do they expect you to answer these questions for them when you can't even answer them for yourself? “It's not my fault.”

Taehyun's sharp face softens slightly. It appears he too is affected by your distress, though he's less lenient on you than Beomgyu. “It's not your fault, it's his. He makes you feel unsafe, that's why you’re having those thoughts.”

You shake your head, denying his accusation  weakly. You're so tired. You don't want to talk about this anymore. You just want it all to go away. “Beomgyu wouldn't do that.”

“Do you truly believe that or are you just saying that because you want to believe it?”

“I–I…” You should believe it. You want to believe it, but something deep inside you is preventing you from doing that and if you could, you swear you'd tear yourself apart to get to it and crush it with your bare hands so you can return to the blissful love you once shared with Beomgyu and never have to think about it again. 

Your gorey fantasy is interrupted by the warm feel of a hand cupping your cheek, and your look up to see that Taehyun had snuck up on you and is now standing right in front of you. 

“Don't hide from it. There is something in there that your mind is trying so hard to tell you but you won't let it because it scares you.” He whispers, his thumb softly caressing your cheek, giving the opportunity for that strange feeling of yearning and affection you hold for him to reignite. How are these men able to so easily look right through you and read you like an open book? “I get it. It's hard to think such things of the person you fell in love with. It feels like a betrayal. It feels like you're doing something wrong, but you’re not. You're just protecting yourself.” 

“He's not–he would never…” You stumble, your thoughts a bloody and mangled mess you can't untangle, but he shushes you with a finger to your lips. 

“Listen to that voice deep in the back of your mind telling you the truth. I know you hear it.” He bends down, pressing his forehead against yours, his lips centimeters away from your own. 

This is dangerous. This is wrong. 

“Taehyun?” You ask, noticing the way his gaze is transfixed on your lips. You see it coming a long time before it happens, and you do nothing to stop it. You do nothing to stop him from pressing his lips against yours. 

In fact, you don't just do nothing, you actively respond to his kiss, pushing your lips against his own, seeking out the alternative he was so clearly offering you. 

He's right. There is something there. You can't even deny it and that scares you. There is something between you as inexplicable as those wretched dreams, and they're all threatening to tear you apart from Beomgyu. 

But you're just as helpless against Taehyun as you are against the dreams, your treacherous body responding to his kisses despite your best efforts--your lips tingling against his slightly chapped ones, your heart clenching around every little hum and moan he breathes into your mouth.  

When he finally pulls back, you're both in a daze.  

"Angel.” He murmurs softly and that triggers something in you–and like muscle memory, you suddenly jump back, freaking out and in turn freaking him out. You seem to have that effect on the men in your life.

No. No. There are no men in your life, only one man. Beomgyu.

“What?” He asks, trying to reach out to you but you step further away, and you can't miss the flicker of hurt flashing across his eyes. 

“Why did you call me that?” You ask and his eyebrows furrow in confusion. “I don't know. It felt right. Do you not like it?”

No, you most certainly don't like it. You realize it's a very common pet name but this was all just too many coincidences for your liking, and you can't stand it anymore. None of this makes sense and it's making your head hurt. 

"I have to go." You tell him and his face falls. “What? You're just leaving like that?”

Whatever ghost of hurt was there on his face is replaced by stark and jagged betrayal. 

“Yes. This was wrong. You shouldn’t have kissed me. You fucking know I have a boyfriend.” Your voice rises, more at yourself than him. You've really fucked up now. “You know we're having trouble and you're fucking using that to get with me. You're a scumbag, Taehyun.” 

And you’re a stupid whore. This is exactly why Beomgyu wanted you to stay away from Taehyun but you were arrogant and thought you knew better than him and now look where that led you. 

“If you hated it so much then why did you kiss me back? Don't fucking pretend there is nothing between us. I know you felt it too.” Taehyun will not take the blame lying down but it doesn't matter. He's not the one you have to explain yourself to.

“What I felt was shame and guilt for cheating on my boyfriend. I feel nothing for you.” You lie through your teeth. You don't know if Taehyun believes you or not but you know you're hurting him either way and he deserves it. He shouldn't have come onto you during your weak moment. “Go find another girl to fix your intimacy issues.”

You take off your apron and make your way out of the coffee house, ignoring the way your manager is yelling at you to get back or you'll be fired.

“I quit.” You shout back at him. You don't care. Let him fire you. It's not like you can go back and work with Taehyun after this anyway. One of you has to leave and you’re making it easier for the both of you. 

You have to get back to Beomgyu. You have to atone for all you've done. 

____________________

Beomgyu knows that something is off with you immediately. You look worse than you did when you left in the morning and he's asking about it as soon as you come through the door. You know it's useless to lie to him so you just confess, hoping that the faster you come clean, the faster you can move on. 

“You were right about Taehyun.” You say and he immediately becomes angry. “What did he do?”

“I quit my job. I won't see him anymore.” You quickly supply, hoping that would at least placate him a little bit. “You don't have to worry about him anymore.”

But Beomgyu will not fall for such easy tricks. 

“What did he do?” Beomgyu asks gravely and it scares you. Not for yourself but for Taehyun. Yes, Beomgyu would never hurt you but would he hurt Taehyun?

“Beomgyu, you’re scaring me.” You tell him, once again hoping he'd soften just a little bit but it's to no avail. 

“You're only making me angrier.” He tells you and you can clearly tell, so you make a last ditch effort to protect Taehyun. “I'll tell you if you promise not to hurt him.” 

“He touched you.” He states and you shake your head, wide-eyed. Are you really that easy to read? “It was just one kiss.”

“I’m going to fucking gut him.” He rages, storming off towards the door, but you throw yourself in front of him, begging and pleading with him to calm down. “No, no, please, baby. It's over. I will never see him again. It will only be me and you. I swear.”

“That's not enough. He has to pay.” He growls, his fury rolling off him in waves and scorching your skin.

“If you hurt him, they'll lock you up. They'll take you away from me.” You try another angle, anything to get him to back down. 

“When I'm done with him, there won't be a piece of him left to find.” His words almost make your heart stop, and the look on his face makes you think he might actually be capable of doing that, so you try even harder to protect Taehyun. 

Despite the hostility you treated Taehyun with, you do not wish Beomgyu to hurt him. You care for him beyond what makes sense and you won't be able to live with yourself if Beomgyu lays a hand on him. 

“Please, Beomgyu, I'll do anything you want.” You desperately plead, tugging on his shirt like a little child begging their parent not to punish them. “I will never see him again. It will just be you and me, just like you wanted.”

You recognize how insane you sound. If you had seen another woman behaving the way you are right now and saying the same things to her boyfriend as she tries to justify her cheating, tries to prevent her boyfriend from retaliating, tries to convince him he has nothing to worry about by promising to completely and fully devote herself to him… you would shake your head in pity for the poor girl stuck in this tumultuous and frankly scary situation. No, the gravity of what is happening doesn’t escape your notice but you find yourself falling into it no less severely. You just want this nightmare to be over. You want to protect Taehyun and give into Beomgyu and just do whatever the hell he wants so it would stop hurting. 

And you find what you desire when the vengeful look in Beomgyu eyes falters a little bit, and you know you’ve got him. He’s got you. “You'll listen to me when I tell you to stay away from these types of men?”

“Yes.” Your answer is ready on your tongue. You are so tired. “You were right. I shouldn't have doubted you.”

The tension in his shoulders eases a little bit. “You'll forget about those disgusting dreams?”

“I will. I just need you to help me.” You pull harder on his shirt and he takes your hands in his and kisses them. His touch is warm, doesn’t burn as hotly from anger as it did a moment ago. “Of course, I will, baby. I will do anything for you.”

You nod. “I know.” 

He puts your hands on his shoulders and wraps his own hands around your waist, engulfing you, his touch firm but gentle, slightly hesitant as he watches your reaction to his words closely. “You won't hide away from me anymore?”

“No. I'm all yours.” Once again your answer comes readily despite your trepidation. And to prove yourself, you use your hold on him to pull him into a kiss which he happily reciprocates. You can taste the sigh of relief on his lips, feel the rage slowly seep out under your touch as the kiss deepens. 

Beomgyu is horribly lost in the kiss, his tongue chasing your own and his lips desperately latching onto you as if he’d stop breathing if he lets you go. You have a feeling he would stand there for hours, days, weeks, kissing you until you both perish if you don’t intervene. 

He also won’t do anything more, the scare you gave him before having apparently done quite a number on him. So despite you very clearly feeling his need against your tummy, you know he won’t make a move to push things any further. 

So you make the move for him. You let your hand make its way between your bodies to take a hold of his hard member, and immediately he is pulling back with a groan, his head thrown back for a second as a shiver racks through his body from the sudden burst of pleasure after being deprived for so long, before he quickly whips his head back down and gasps out. 

“You don't have to.” He says as if he wasn't giving you the neediest puppy dog eyes you've ever seen. As if he literally wasn’t gasping for air at that small touch. 

You scoff. “If I take my hand off your cock right now, you’re gonna cry.” 

He gulps. “So make me cry. Better me than you.” 

A sharp pang pierces through your heart. Despite how weak he is, how desperate, he still would rather hurt himself than hurt you again. You’re overwhelmed. You don’t know how to respond to that, so you just push him to the ground and say, “You’re crazy.” 

“Crazy for you.” He whispers as he watches you take your pants and underwear off. 

“See what you’ve done?” You sling one leg over his shoulder, bringing your pussy inches away from his face and letting him see how wet and puffy you’ve gotten for him. 

He gulps and asks in a shaky voice, “Can I?” 

You cock your head down at him as you play with his hair. “What are you going to do if I say no?” 

Is it cruel to mess with him when he’s this needy? You don’t care. You just want to revel in everything he is giving you. 

“Whatever you want me to do.” Comes his perfect reply and you reward him for it, unceremoniously pushing his face in your pussy. Beomgyu responds immediately–whether he wanted it so much that he was ready for it or he knew that what he would say would get him what he wants, you don’t know and you don’t care to figure out when his wet tongue was prying your pussy lips apart to seek out your dripping entrance, his entire lower face getting covered in your juices in seconds.

“Fuck, baby, how are you so good at this?” You groan, looking down to see him eat you out just as hungrily as he always does. Every time you’re with Beomgyu, it’s always full of passion and love and lust. He treats it like the first and last time he will ever be with you and his fervor is infectious. A sprawling fire licks up your body, sprouting up from where he was devouring your cunt, his kisses and licks so fractic and yet so deliberate. 

Beomgyu doesn’t reply, he just mewls and nuzzles his face into your pussy more. 

“Finger me open for your cock, baby.” 

You swear you felt him almost cum on the spot at the command, but he holds himself back, one of his hands snaking around your body to grab a handful of your ass and spread it open while the other goes under you to press two of his fingers against your entrance. You feel the pads of his fingers swirling around it for a little bit, probably gathering enough of your arousal to easily breach your hole but you were so turned on, you didn’t really need it. 

“Don’t fucking teas–” You don’t get to finish your irritated demand before his fingers plow into you in one go. It takes you by surprise so much so you almost fall, but with his hold on your ass, he is able to keep you in your place, pushing you further against his lewd tongue while his fingers work you open. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” You moan, pulling harshly at his hair as he sends you barreling towards your orgasm, his finger pumping in and out of you ruthlessly, repeatedly hitting that spot inside you that has you turning to goo in his hold. “I’m going to cum, Gyu. Don’t fucking stop.” 

As if Beomgyu would even consider it. He fucks you as if he could cum from it, and you think he very well could if you asked him to. But you have other plans for him. 

“Oh shit, right there! Fuck!” You cry out, finally going over the edge and coming over your darling’s face. Beomgyu happily lets you hump his face, getting those last shocks of pleasure before your punishing hold on his hair loosens and your breathing goes from fast and shallow to slow and deep, your eyelids fluttering to a half-closed position while his shines widely up at you. 

He is like a dog begging for his treat, and you’ll be damned if you don’t give it to him. You take your leg off his shoulder, but you don’t put it back down. Instead you press your foot against his chest and push him to the floor. He quickly realizes what you want and compliantly lays down flat for you to lower yourself on him. 

“Do you need it, Gyu?” You ask, shuddering as his clothed cock rubs against your sensitive pussy. 

He nods quickly. “Uh-huh. Need it to survive.” 

You laugh, breathless. He's ridiculous. “Need my pussy to survive?” 

“Y-Yeah.” He whimpers, struggling to hold himself back from just dry humping you. “Would die without it.” 

“Poor puppy.” You take pity on him and finally reach down to pull him out of his pants, the weak gasp he lets out echoing in your own chest. He did so well for you. You’ve hurt him badly and yet he’s still willing to be so vulnerable for you. You can’t believe you almost messed this up and for what? Demented dreams that mean nothing and a guy who is hell-bent on separating you from the one guy who loves you more than anything in the world because of his deranged savior complex? 

You focus on the anger you feel at that to hold the images that are creeping at the edges of your mind at bay as you take in Beomgyu’s cock, feeling it stretch you out even more than it usually does now that you haven’t fucked him in some time. 

And it’s not just you who feels the difference. Beomgyu can clearly feel the way your tight walls drag over every inch of his cock as you dutifully take him up to the hilt. You feel his fingers dig into the meat of your thighs as he tries to stay grounded and not cum the moment he’s surrounded by your fluttering walls. 

“You okay there, baby?” You tease, grinning at the way he’s holding his breath and the tense arch of his back. You feel bad that your distance has affected him this much, but not bad enough that you don’t start moving just to watch him scramble to keep from cumming. 

“Fuck, fuck, slow down…” He pleads and you laugh. “I can’t possibly go any slower than this.” 

You really can’t. You were basically just swiveling your hips over him. You weren’t even riding him yet and yet he looks like you’re fucking the life out of him. 

It doesn't feel so scary like this, with him writhing under you helplessly. Images still bleed at the corner of your vision from that unknown source, images of Beomgyu decked in flowery silk and expensive jewels but still just as weak for you as he is right now, calling out for his princess as he struggles to hold himself back. 

And as your pace starts to pick up and your defenses get weaker, those images creep closer and closer until they’re blending with the image of him under you right now and become indistinguishable from each other, until your Beomgyu is prince Beomgyu and prince Beomgyu is your Beomgyu. It scares you but it also feels right, and you don’t know what that means. Have you finally lost it? 

But it’s hard to care about your expired sanity with the pleasure pumping through your veins and flooding your brain. As always, Beomgyu cock fits you so perfectly it feels like it was made for your pussy, a shock of electricity spreading from that point of contact to take hold of your entire body, gripping your muscles until you're bouncing on Beomgyu's cock, chasing it further and further. 

“Please, please, slow down! I can't–”

It moves your arm so your hand is wrapped around Beomgyu's delicate throat, pressing firmly on it to quiet his pathetic cries. 

“Shut up, Beomgyu. You can take it. You will hold yourself back and not pop in my pussy like a little virgin before I let you.” 

Tears collect on his pretty lashes as he sniffles and tries to listen to your harsh commands. But you can see how difficult it is for him. Beogmyu is extremely sensitive at the best of times so you just know that he's about ready to combust at any moment right now and it just makes you even more turned on. 

You've never been so rough with Beomgyu, or with anyone for that matter. You've never choked someone before and you probably shouldn't either but you can’t get yourself to let go. You're being so cruel to him but something deep inside you is telling you that he deserves it. 

For what? You don't know. Maybe it comes from that same place where the dreams come from and the thought scares you because that is a place of evil and you shouldn't be acting on it but Beomgyu hasn't even batted an eye in alarm. It's as if he thinks he deserves it too. 

“Princess!” His choked cry pulls you out of your thoughts and you can tell that he is right on the verge of falling.“Please say I can cum. Please? I r-really can't hold it any longer. God, please.” 

He was openly crying now, his sobs partly cut off by your hand around his throat and tears heavily streaming down his face you're sure your image is probably swimming in vision right now from the tears and the low oxygen. He looks pathetic but more beautiful than anyone or anything you've seen in your entire life. How could you possibly be expected to resist God's most beautiful creation? 

Still, you play the part. 

“Whatever. If you cum I won't stop anyway.” You tell him, and he must have taken this as permission because next thing you know his mouth is hung open and you feel his warm seed burst inside you. 

“Fuck.” You look down as you continue to ride him at the same pace, seeing his cum seeping out of your pussy and sticking to both your skin, making obscene squelching noises as you jump on his dick. 

But Beomgyu doesn’t complain for a second. 

You don’t know what is wrong with you. Why are you doing that? And why isn’t Beomgyu making any attempt to stop you? He just lays there and lets you do whatever you want to him. 

“Is this what you wanted?” You ask, tone sharper than you intended. You don’t understand why you’re angry at him when all he wants is for you to love him. 

“I–I… I love you.” He slurs incoherently, his words both not making sense and yet answering your question perfectly at the same time. Beomgyu doesn’t care what happens as long as you’re together. 

“Fuck, Beomgyu…” You curse, your own orgasm not taking long to grab hold of your body, not with his seed filling your pussy and the raptured, devoted look on his face. 

“I love you, princess.” He whispers, barely audible with your hand so tight around his throat as you finally succumb to your own end. 

“I love you too.” Your voice surprises you, your own tears having caught up to you without you realizing it until you hear the pitiful garbled sound in your ears. 

You don't know why you’re crying. Is it from pleasure? Stress? The combination of everything you've been through these past few months? 

You don't know but you know that it feels good to let it all out, your tears getting swept up and washed away by the waves of pleasure battering your exhausted body. 

This orgasm takes everything out of you. You enter a state of complete dissociation, the pleasure and strange but profound sorrow taking turns ravaging your body until you're left limp and spent. 

When you finally regain awareness, you find yourself in Beomgyu's embrace once again. Always in Beomgyu’s embrace. And he is rocking you and whispering sweet gentle nothings in your ear. 

“It's okay, my love. I'm here. I got you. I will never let go.” 

_______________________________

A/N: decided to split the chapters after all since i have not finished the last scene yet and otherwise this chapter would've been very large. the last chapter shouldn't take too long to come out though. in any case, send me your thoughts as they keep me going and as always

[appocalipse]

summary: during a stupid party, your friend JJ gets into a fight with your ex-boyfriend (that so happens to be a Kook) to "defend your honor". you, of course, don't like it in the least. | 1k

Long after everyone has left, JJ finds you outside, sitting on the edge of the worn, wooden dock with your legs dangling over the calm sea. You must hear him coming and know that it's just him, because you don't turn around even when he steps onto the wood planks, dragging his feet a little just to be sure.

You haven't said a word since leaving the party an hour ago, and it's killing JJ.

Tentatively, he drops down beside you. You still don't look at him.

"You're angry," he states the obvious, his eyes scanning you.

The wind tousles your hair and you smooth it out of your face, huffing a quiet little breath through your nose. "How observant."

"I'm sorry." He means it, too. He understands that what he did may have escalated things, and if there's one thing he hates, it's being the cause of a problem. But when he sees people being little shits and putting their stupid hands where they don't belong, like that piece of garbage asshole had...

"Oh, are you? For what?"

JJ is brought back to the present, his train of thought pausing as he turns to face you. Your arms are locked tightly together, defensively, and you stare out at the ocean, blinking once, slowly. Waiting.

Lips parting slowly, JJ racks his brain for a witty response, but he can't for the life of him figure it out. "Well, I would be, if you'd tell me what I did."

Your fingers curl around the edge of the dock. "Unbelievable."

"What?!"

"You seriously can't figure it out?" When you finally face him, JJ's taken aback by the flurry of emotions he finds in your eyes: anger, confusion, sadness, frustration. It makes his heart clench and ache like an old wound. "He's a fucking Kook, JJ, he could have had the cops called on you, or worse."

"I-"

"Your record's already bad enough, okay? Why don't you ever think about what could happen? He could have pressed charges!" Your voice has gone almost shrill. "Worse, he could have really hurt you. Then what? How do you think I'd feel?"

For a moment, the air rings with the last vibrations of your voice before it's engulfed by the quiet drone of nature once more. You sound angry, a little scared, but underneath it all, there's worry.

JJ reaches out a hand, resting it tentatively on your forearm, but you tear your eyes away and stand. "Don't-"

But it's too late.

He gets to his feet, too. "Come on. Seriously, do you really think I'd just let someone do that? Touch you like that?"

"No, but-"

"I don't care if he's a Kook. I don't care if he has fifty guys with him. If someone touches you or says shit, I'm gonna put 'em on their asses. It doesn't matter who it is." JJ steps forward, and when you don't step back, his expression softens. He lifts his hands, cradling your face so gently, like it's something fragile and beautiful, and his calloused thumbs brush lightly over your cheekbones.

"Don't touch me," you mutter half-heartedly, even as you lean into his touch.

"You want me to stop?" JJ's gaze falls to your lips, and you know he's not talking about just the touching. You both know there's always been something else simmering below the surface, between you, and now it's threatening to spill over.

"Your cheek's bleeding," you whisper instead of answering, lifting a hand to brush your thumb over the shallow cut on his face.

"He missed."

"Barely."

JJ cracks a crooked smile, his nose crinkling as he leans in, stopping just short of kissing you, waiting for you.

A second ticks by. Two.

"So, we're good, right?" he murmurs. "No more mad?"

Your eyes flutter shut, and you breathe in his familiar, comforting scent, leaning closer until your foreheads are almost touching. "If you get arrested, I'm not bailing you out."

His eyes glitter in amusement as you open yours again. "That's a yes."

"I hate you."

His thumb smooths softly along your cheekbone again, then his nose gently brushes against yours. "No, you don't."

You can feel his warmth, the gentle rise and fall of his chest. He's so close.

"No, I don't," you concede, letting out a defeated sigh. "I was just...really worried."

"Hey, I wasn't about to lose to a Kook prick like him. Not with your honor at stake." His tone has fallen softer now, warm.

You crack a smile. "My honor?"

JJ presses a little closer, and your heart flips. "Mhmm, and besides. I've always got your back."

You reach up, resting your hands over his. "I know."

Your gaze flits down to his mouth, and his tongue peeks out to wet his lower lip before his mouth draws into a mischievous little smirk. "So..."

"So..." You raise your eyes to his. "Are you.."

JJ leans forward, but stops just before his lips can brush over yours. "Am I...?"

Your heart thuds against your ribcage, and you tilt your chin up slightly. "Going to kiss m-"

Your words die off in a soft, contented hum as JJ's lips meet yours in a slow, sweet kiss. He's gentle, his hands holding you like he can't believe you're real, like you'll slip right through his fingers any minute now and he has to make the most of this, because it'll never happen again.

You kiss him back, trying to tell him without words that you're right here and not going anywhere.

When JJ pulls back, it's only enough to break the kiss, and he doesn't go far. He rests his forehead against yours, his breath coming in a contented exhale, and he laughs, low and sweet, his fingers curling against the sides of your face.

"Well, damn, if that's what happens when I get in fights with Kooks..."

You can't help but smile. "Don't you dare."

[kit-williams]

Yandere 40K Guilliman is very interesting to me.

Because he’s just trying to find someone sane, someone who doesn’t fall into a religious fervour whenever they see him. Someone who can use common sense, an ability nearly 90% of the imperium seems to have lost.

But when he finds that person, someone who doesn’t immediately start sucking up to him in his presence, who will actually call him by his name, ‘Roboute’…..

Well then they’re his.

There going to be his reprieve, how he takes out all his anger and stress that’s accumulated from seeing the sorry state that the Imperium has become. He’ll release all that pent up aggression by fucking his new paramour unconscious. By taking brief breaks between his endless meetings with them in his lap, taking whatever liberties he wants with them.

There no other course of action. He is the Lord Commander of the Imperium, and if what he needs to handle the problems of the Imperium and lead them to victory is to have this one person stay by his side, then that’s what he’ll get.

It won’t be all bad, his paramour will be treated to an unpredcented life of luxury, all they have to do is ignore the fact they now solely belong to Guilliman and that there is no changing that fact of their new reality.

This is EXACTLY what I was hinting at with mentioning about 40k yandere Guilliman. His playfulness is still in there he wants to woo you like he normally would he's unhappy with how he has to get you by his side but he NEEDS an outlet! He needs someone to fixate on because he's running himself ragged.

He was in hell. As he was trapped in his armor most of the time... stuck with insane people all around him! Anyone who dared have some semblance of a spine around him were far too important for him to sink his teeth into. He was stuck... he was lonely... he was tired...

And then you came along. You were in awe but you kept it in check... you listened to him and unlike the fear and confusion at his more atheistic sentiments you hardly reacted simply replying "You're the God Emperor's son of course you don't worship him. Besides you know better than me." You were being humble and normally this would rouse such a playful response from him like a large cat playing with its meal. But he had no time for this.

You flitted in and out of his life and eventually his mind thinks of you often. Thinking over the words you say to him... thinking over the way you smile at him... the way you laugh; sometimes you even laugh completely unflatteringly much to your embarrassment. You accidentally seal your fate when you see him outside of his armor of Fate and the joy in your eyes as you gasp with delight, "Roboute! You're out of your armor." It was the first time since being allowed to call him Roboute that you used it.

You damned yourself by having your eyes sparkle seeing him out of armor... looking at him like a man...

You whimpered into his mouth as you try to wriggle free suddenly feeling the weight of his focus on you. Those blue eyes of his looking at everything like a mad man. He keeps apologizing as his face rubs against yours... rubs into your skin... you've seen this face a few times when he's pushed to his limit and you try to calm him down... you're crying by now... he keeps apologizing.

He needs this he tells you... he begs to a piece of comfort between your legs... perhaps if you knew what was to follow you wouldn't have been fooled by his just plea for feeling like a man. You might not have agreed to treat him as you have been... perhaps if you rejected his offer you'd still be free... you doubt so... you weren't anyone highly important that should you go missing things would collapse without you.

You're certain if anyone knew about you... they would simply thank you for your service to the Imperium.

@bispecsual @egrets-not-regrets @moodymisty @bleedingichorhearts @liar-anubiass-blog

@thevoidscreams @barn-anon @gallifreyianrosearkytiorsusan @squishyowl @ms--lobotomy

@nekotaetae @sleepyfan-blog

[fairyhaos]

how seventeen react to your family treating you badly

requested by anon. no one should ever have to go through something like that, i promise you, even if you feel as if it is partly 'your fault' for being too kind. never feel bad for being kind.

notes: tw for emotional manipulation, exploitation. emotional abuse is never the victim's fault. please let someone know if you feel like someone/yourself is in danger.

masterlist

seungcheol, hoshi, mingyu, seungkwan

probably ends up confronting your family when you go and meet up with them. you two have gone to meet your parents a few times, but he's begun to notice how they always seem to expect you to wait on them in small ways, even though you are their guests. finally snaps when you go to your parents' house for dinner one time, and it turns out they were waiting for you to come over so that you could cook dinner for them. grabs your hand and storms out of the house in anger, before calming down in the car and apologising for making a scene. he'll tell you sincerely and firmly that you can't let your family walk all over you like this, even if they're your parents, and pinky-promises you that he'll help you learn to recognize this exploitation and help you stand up to these things.

jeonghan, wonwoo, woozi, minghao

he's been sitting there in your parent's house, watching the way your family tells him stories of your childhood. but oddly, they all seem to center around your incompetence, clumsiness, or any little mistake you've ever made. he's incredibly upset, and when he pulls you aside during a quiet moment in the evening, you don't seem to notice how strange that is, thinking that's just how parents normally talk about their child. he realises then, how your family have been exploiting your kindness, belittling you whenever they can bc they know you'll brush it off as normal. as you're leaving your parent's place, he's the one to tell them privately, and incredibly seriously, that their behaviour is unfathomably damaging. he doesn't care if they scoff at him for weighing in his opinions as an 'outsider'. as soon as he thinks you're ready to find out, he's going to take you far, far away from these people. emotional manipulation and exploitation is never the victim's fault.

joshua, junhui, dokyeom, vernon, chan

brings it up to you in the gentlest way possible, sitting down with you one quiet afternoon and asking if you're okay with how your family is treating you. he'd never do it at your parent's house, unwilling to startle you with sudden information, but he explains how it all looks from an outsider's perspective, telling you softly that no, it's not normal for the people who are meant to love you the most to take advantage of you and show their 'love' only when they want something. he'll gradually show you everything you've had to put up with that isn't normal, respecting your wishes if you want him to stop talking. he understands if you get mad and defensive, because this is proof of your family's conditioning, and he'll hold you as you cry. waits for you to make the call for action, and wants to know how you want to deal with this. and if you want his help, he'll tell you exactly how to stand up to them and promises he'll be by your side the entire time.

request guidelines

[kimsohn]

𓇼 3:45 am

pairing . juyeon x gn!reader about . 718 words, fluff + angst warnings . none! ↳ dedicated to my beautiful sexy hot wife @juyeonszn

it's cold, too cold outside.

you shiver as you sit on the bench, the sound of rain reverberating around the covered bus stop. your drenched raincoat sits next to you along with your purse, embellished with water droplets on the metal engraving.

you laugh bitterly, seeing your warped face in the shiny hooks of your bag. juyeon gifted you it many years ago, and it still looks the same as it did on your birthday.

you sense juyeon in everything you own. from the cat clip with whiskers in your hair down to your worn-out shoes he'd decorated with a sharpie, he echoes wherever you go. you see his face in the rain splashing down next to you, on the lock screen of your buzzing phone, and in the reflection of the chapped nail polish on your fingertips.

too bad you're pissed at him right now, though. everything that reminds you of him is like a curse.

"y/n!" you hear, and you look up from watching the droplets plink against the ground to register the sound corrrectly.

you blink once, twice, to ensure that yes indeed, juyeon is the one that's running toward you. he's masked by the pouring shower around him, fading in through the reflections of clear water until he's close enough to see visibly. the beloved gray hoodie he always wears is drenched by the water, and the only sign of protection he has is the hood covering his forehead that he's holding up with his shivering hands.

"juyeon," you say, standing up, "why are you here? it's pouring outside!"

"i couldn't- i couldn't leave you like that. i can't let you leave like this."

you watch as he walks to the bench, picking up your purse and swinging over his shoulder. he makes his way over to you, draping the bright yellow raincoat around your frame, tucking your hands into the sleeves. you make no move to stop him.

"let's go home," he whispers, sniffling. "please."

this close to him, you now realize that the droplets on his cheeks aren't those of the rain, that the runny nose he sports is not because of the temperature, and the redness of his eyes is definitely not a result of running here. your heart drops when you realize he's been crying, and it takes everything in your power to not bring him close and give him a hug like it's your last.

"i'm still mad at you, you know?"

"you can be mad at home, where it's nice and warm."

he stares at you so expectantly that your resolve shatters.

"juyeon," you sigh, watching him slide the strap of your bag up his shoulder.

"i'm sorry," he whispers, so silently that you almost can't hear it. "i'm sorry that work got in the way of our anniversary. you were right, you know, about me never being there for you. but i couldn't let you leave like this. you're all that i have."

your mind drifts back to the argument that took place a couple of hours ago, one that resulted in you storming out and slamming the door behind you. he'd gotten worked up over your anger at him not coming home early enough like he'd promised, and you'd retaliated by reminding him how often he does this to you.

they were words of the moment that you'd never meant to say. looking at his face now, you realize exactly how much you'd hurt him.

"oh, juyeon," you murmur, pulling him into your embrace, "i'm sorry too. none of those words were true, at all, and i wish i'd never said them. of all people, i know how your work affects our relationship. it wasn't right of me to get mad at you for it."

"but it was right of you. you can get angry at me a million times for being late and not showing up because it just means you love me. just don't leave home when i don't show up, okay? my heart can't take it. i'm too selfish to let you go."

selfishly, you'd never let him go either.

"i hate you," you whisper, furrowing into his chest.

"i love you too, baby. happy anniversary, my love."

and as the rain sprinkles around you, you know that you love him too.

[rems-writing]

The rulers of Spades

Pairing: JongJoong × Lost Girl!reader (mainly Jongho × reader since there's SeongJoong in this fic)

Summary: After your time with the Hearts, you face the most terrifying suit. But were they really terrifying as people say?

Warning(s): Choking (both sexual and non-sexual), slight mention of violence, mention of a murder (it's not what you think actually lol), Jongho being a damn flirt, top!Seonghwa × bottom!Hongjoong, mentions of a size kink, drunk sex (both parties consented), pussydrunk!Jongho, finger sucking, riding with a bit of guidance, cumming inside (DON'T LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU! WRAP IT BEFORE YOU TAP IT!)

Genre: Nasty smut with a bit of plot

Nets: @blossomnet @mirohs-aurora-society

I'm also tagging @ja3hwa since we were competing in who can write the filthiest Jongho smut [we weren't actually competing lol I love them too much for that]

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

“Let’s go visit the Spades next.” 

Mingi choked and spat out his coffee, Wooyoung shrieked in fear and fainted dramatically in Yeosang’s arms, Yeosang rolled his eyes at the sight of his best friend fainting as he caught him, and Seonghwa had a concerned look on his face. A pained smile was on the queen’s face as he caressed your face gently. “Are you sure, Y/N? I know I said that the King of Spades is relatively a nice guy, but I’m almost certain that he’ll go mad. The news of your arrival and how you were treated in Neverland travels fast. We can always visit them last.” 

You shook your head at his statement. “If you claim that the King of Spades and the Jack of Spades are nice people, then we should visit them next. That way, I won’t dread seeing them and instead can relax when we visit the rulers of Clubs straight after.” 

Mingi tilted his head in awe as you spoke bravely and confidently about the rulers of Spades, Wooyoung was fanning himself and seemed impressed as he listened, Yeosang had a bright grin on his face, and Seonghwa sighed softly before nodding. He kissed your forehead and hugged you. “Alright. I will take your word for it. Mingi! Get the carriage! Yeosang, Y/N, and I will head straight to the Spades castle now.”

Mingi nodded and ordered some card soldiers to fetch the carriage and guard the trio as they stepped outside of the castle. Once they were all outside, the carriage arrived and Seonghwa & Yeosang stepped inside first. Mingi held you back and had you face him. A hint of worry was in his eyes as he gazed over your face. 

“Babe, listen. You don’t know the King and Jack of Spades like I do. Like Seonghwa said. They’re nice. However, their anger is anything but pleasant. I implore you. Be wary and be careful.”

“Do they honestly get angry easily?”

“No no. It’s nothing like that. It’s more of the fact that… uh… they want to destroy Neverland just as much as I do, but they’re a lot more violent about it than me. The King of Spades once had an older brother and the Jack of Spades once had a younger brother. They were both lured by Peter Pan and were killed by his hand… in the most brutal way possible. The King and the Jack were so enraged that they sent the deadliest creature to burn down the island.” 

Mingi leaned closer to whisper in your ear.  “The Jabberwocky.” 

An apprehensive feeling washed over you and you suddenly regret saying that you wanted to visit the Spades next. Sensing your apprehension, Mingi kissed you quickly and caressed your face in a gentle and loving manner. “This doesn’t mean that they’ll kill you on the spot though! They understand more than anyone how suffering is in Neverland. They will protect you with their utmost might. Just… don’t get in the way when they unleash their anger. The last thing they need is to sob in regret over hurting an innocent girl due to their bloodlust.” 

With his reassurance, you nodded and put on a brave face before bidding goodbye to Mingi and Wooyoung. Being the affectionate little shit that he is, Wooyoung whined and held you close to him so you wouldn’t go. You giggled and playfully scolded him to which he whined some more. He even pouted! You pinched his cheek lightly and reassured him that you’ll be fine. Emitting one last whine, he reluctantly let you go. After entering the carriage, you waved goodbye to Mingi and Wooyoung. The carriage soon made its way to the Spades castle. You were sitting with Yeosang this time and you yawned as you laid your head on his lap. Yeosang smiled and patted your head.  “It’ll take a while for us to get there. Get some sleep, Y/N.” His soft and deep voice lulled you into a short nap. One that he would unfortunately have to wake you up from later once they arrived. 

—-------------------------------------------------

The cries from a murder of crows woke you instantly and Yeosang had to hold you down so you wouldn’t hit your head against the carriage ceiling. The carriage was pretty small after all. “We’ve arrived. Stick close to us.” You nodded and stuck close to Yeosang as the three of you exited the carriage and made your way to the Spades castle. 

While the Diamonds castle depicted a millionaire’s house and the Hearts castle was a lot more lively, filled with heart shaped bushes and enthusiastic chatter, the Spades castle personified death itself. 

A dark moat surrounded the castle, dead trees were planted throughout the yard, crows either flocked around or tried to rip out your hair, and you swore that even the gardeners tending to the black rosebeds narrowed their eyes at you in suspicion. One glare from Seonghwa and the gardeners minded their business. Of course, this didn’t stop the other patrons milling about the Spades castle from crowding him, you, and Yeosang. The anxiety of the people surrounding you was rising, especially since the patrons prodded at you with questions that definitely made you uncomfortable. You received questions that ranged from accusations of being a spy to being a concubine for Seonghwa and Yeosang. You felt tears swell up in your eyes and you were about to ask Yeosang to get them to stop when a powerful voice rang out in the crumbling stone building that was the inside of the Spades castle. 

“UNLESS YOU DON’T VALUE YOUR HEAD, I SUGGEST YOU LEAVE OUR VISITORS ALONE!” 

The patrons soon quieted down and dispersed like a school of fish before going back to their business. You sniffled and Yeosang hushed you in a comforting way while Seonghwa walked forward a bit before smiling lightly and bowing. 

“It’s good to know that you still have power over your insolent subjects, Jongho.”

You looked up and saw a man wearing an all black leather outfit. His intense eyes, that were brown with slight caramel undertones and had spade outlines in his irises, softened at the sight of Seonghwa speaking. His stone cold resolve melted and a bright gummy smile was on his face as he walked down from his throne and towards Seonghwa before bringing him into a warm bear hug. He then walked over to Yeosang and hugged him as well before shifting over to face you. 

“Are you going to introduce yourself or shall I call you ‘cutie’? Because you certainly are one.”

A blush spread across your cheeks and you hid your face in Yeosang’s chest. A soft giggle could be heard from behind this Jongho guy and Jongho stepped aside to reveal a short man. He wore a simple black suit & tie and his blonde hair was tied back. His bright orange eyes stared intensely at you before smiling and extending his hand. You looked up at him shyly and relaxed as you looked at his pretty smile. 

“I’m the King of Spades, but you can call me Hongjoong. If you didn’t know who Jongho is by now, he’s the mighty Jack of Spades.” 

As you took his hand in yours and shook it, you felt it being lifted and blushed even more when Hongjoong pressed his lips against your knuckles. Jongho gingerly took your hand and kissed it too. 

“Are you the Lost Girl?” He asked you. You nodded hesitantly and Hongjoong nodded before leaning in to whisper in your ear.  

“Do I scare you, pretty girl?” 

You didn’t know what to say. Luckily, you didn’t have to since Seonghwa spoke for you.

“Now now, my love. Don’t intimidate her like that. She’s been through a lot.” He said lovingly and you watched as Hongjoong giggled before grabbing Seonghwa’s hand, spinning him around, and dipping him slightly. You grew confused since you didn’t want to assume anything. Yeosang sensed your confusion and patted your head gently. 

“Yes, Y/N. The King of Spades and the Queen of Diamonds are together. Who would’ve thought huh?” 

As you saw the two men giggle in each other’s presence and share a loving kiss, your heart melted at the sight. These two definitely belonged together. They reminded you of Snow White and Charming in a way. You felt strong hands grab your waist and pull you towards a strong and sturdy body. You looked up slightly to see Jongho smirking down at you. 

“That can be us. If you want, of course.” 

The thought of having this big man beside you 24/7? You definitely weren’t going to complain about that. Despite him being young, he held such maturity and power. Like a true Jack of Spades would. You also felt oddly relaxed in his presence and found yourself leaning against him. 

“Come now. The five of us have much to discuss. And take your time as you explain.”

—-------------------------------------------------

The five of you were soon in a meeting room and you explained slowly and shyly your experiences being on Neverland. As you spoke, you saw Hongjoong and Jongho growing more angry with each word that came out of your mouth. But it wasn’t anger towards you.  It was anger towards Peter Pan. 

After you finished speaking, you felt yourself being lifted up and placed onto someone’s lap. The sturdy thighs underneath you felt firm to the touch and you trailed your eyes up to see Jongho, who was busy placing light kisses along your neck in a soothing manner. The sudden affection threw you off yet you weren’t complaining. “Don’t worry, Y/N. We’ll protect you.” 

You giggled and kissed one of his round cheeks, to which he blushed at while the other three men giggled like a gaggle of gossiping schoolgirls. Hongjoong stood up and stretched before helping Seonghwa up. “I suggest you all stay here for the night. Creatures lurk about during this time. Dangerous creatues. You can leave first thing in the morning.” 

Seonghwa agreed immediately and you & Yeosang shared a look, agreeing that the queen himself was the reason why Hongjoong wanted everyone to stay. Could you blame them? No, not really. After Hongjoong ordered his card soldiers to prepare rooms for tonight, he whisked Seonghwa away. Yeosang sighed tiredly and got up as well.

“Goodnight to you both. I’ll see you in the morning.” 

With that, you & Jongho were the only ones left in the meeting room. As you stood there awkwardly, you felt your head be lifted up and you stared into his eyes. 

“Shall we go to my chambers and retire for the night? Or do you want to have some fun?”

You thought for a moment before choosing to stay up late. A smirk was on his face and he kissed your cheek before taking your hand and leading you into his room. 

—-------------------------------------------------

Several glasses of cherry wine later, you found yourself straddling the young man on his couch as you made out with him fiercely and desperately near the fireplace. Jongho was matching your intensity by gripping your hips tightly and moving them back and forth so you could grind against him. You felt his bulge underneath you and you moaned slightly as Jongho’s hands wandered to your ass and squeezed both cheeks lightly. 

“You’re so pretty. I’m jealous that Mingi got to you first. But don’t worry. I’ll fuck you better.”

You giggled at his confident words while he lifted you up and wrapped your legs around his waist before striding over to the bed and throwing you down on top of it gently. As he kissed you with fervor and a lot of tongue, you felt his hands glide up and down your body. His palms were tracing out every curve while he moved his head down to leave love bites all over your neck. Your hands dug into his red hair and tugged at the strands, which released a groan from him. He soon lifted his head and smirked down at you before snapping his fingers. You felt cold instantly and looked down to see that your dress had disappeared. 

Did this dude have magic?! 

Jongho drank in your naked form and crawled on top of you once more before kissing you passionately. He tapped his shoulder and his clothes disappeared as well, leaving him bare. You internally drooled at the sight of his big body hovering over you, his honey like skin glowing in the dim light of the fire blazing in the firepit. You soon saw him move down and spread your legs open before kissing your clit lightly. 

“I wonder if you taste just as good as you look. Time to find out.” 

You mewled loudly as he dove face first into your pussy, lapping up every single inch of wetness that was dripping from your hole. Unlike Mingi, Jongho was apparently a messy eater when it came to giving head. You came quickly but he wasn’t done yet. He wanted to elicit as many orgasms from you as much as possible, which led to you crying due to overstimulation. He cooed softly and reassured you that you’re fine. He then wrapped his hand around your throat and squeezed slightly. 

“Will you be a good girl and take what I give you? Or be a bad girl and have me punish you by fucking you into the wall over there?” 

The only word you could utter out was ‘good’ since his strong hand cut off your airway yet not entirely. Jongho smirked in satisfaction and lifted his hand before shoving his fingers into your mouth. You sucked on them happily and Jongho groaned quietly at the sight, afraid he might cum if he kept looking at you. He pulled his fingers out of your mouth and shoved straight into your wet cunt before continuing to eat you out. After your 10th orgasm, he lifted his head and wiped his chin before smashing his lips onto yours. His fingers scissored you open while you sucked on his tongue. After he finished prepping you, he grabbed your hips and flipped the both of you over so you were straddling him once more. Your swollen clit rubbed against his thick shaft and you both groaned when you lifted your hips and sank down onto his cock. 

“You think you can move, Y/N?”

“I can, but it’s just… I’ve never ridden someone before. Not even Mingi.” 

“That’s ok, cutie. I’ll guide you.” 

Jongho grabbed your hips and lifted you up and down slowly onto his cock, setting a pace for you so you can get used to him. After a few minutes, you guided his hands over to your breasts while your hands settled on his shoulders. You soon started bouncing on your own and Jongho threw his head back when you picked up the pace a bit. He was softly praising you and that fueled you to go even faster. Your moans grew louder and louder and brought him closer to you so he could tuck his head into the crook of your head while your arms wrapped around his head to keep him there. His own arms wrapped around your waist and kept you close to him as his dirty words entered your ear. 

“Be my queen. Be my Queen of Spades. I’ll protect you. I’ll care for you. I’ll destroy Neverland for you. I’ll kill Peter Pan myself. Fuck, let me cum inside you. Can I do that? Can I cum in you? Please?

“YES YES YOU CAN CUM IN ME, JONGHO! OH FUCK! I’M SO CLOSE! JONGHO, PLEASE!” 

You sank down firmly on his cock and creamed all over it while he came inside you. You both moaned quietly as you came down from your highs. Once you two were finished, he pulled out and lifted you up before carrying you to the bathroom. He set you down on the counter and waved his hand over the empty tub that soon filled with warm water and was surrounded by black rose petals, small white candles, and a fragrant smell permeating the air. The scent consisted of pinewood and jasmine. He soon lifted you from the counter and placed you in the warm water before entering behind you. 

“Go to sleep, my darling girl. I’ll wake you up, dry you off, and carry you to bed once the water turns cold.” 

You nodded and drifted off to sleep. 

—-------------------------------------------------

The next morning, the five of you were eating breakfast. You sat on Jongho’s lap, clad in nothing but one of his dress shirts and a new pair of panties that the Jack conjured up for you. You were expecting Seonghwa to be in your position as well. 

Imagine the surprise on your face when Hongjoong was the one clad in a dress shirt and tiny boxers and sat on Seonghwa’s lap instead. 

After you finished your breakfast, Jongho took you back to his room and helped you dress up. Instead of the red bodycon dress that you came in, you wore a fitted black pinstripe suit. In lieu of a dress shirt underneath the blazer, you wore a black corset top. The red flats that you wore underneath your old dress were replaced with black three-inch heels. You stil decided on no makeup and your hair was styled into two braids rather than leaving it down. You looked a bit more sophisticated and the suit was courtesy of Hongjoong, who had a knack for good fashion sense. Once you were all dressed up and ready to go, you exited his room and met up with the rest of the guys. Seonghwa and Yeosang had their jaws dropped while Hongjoong smirked in victory, proud of his handiwork. 

“You look ravishing, Y/N.” Seonghwa gushed and you giggled as he picked you up and spun you around. 

“You l-look good I mean g-great I mean stunning I mean uh…” Yeosang stumbled over his words and simply patted your shoulder to which you also giggled at. 

“I still got it.” Hongjoong said proudly and you smiled brightly at him while Jongho drooled over how beautiful you looked in the suit. After a minute or two, Seonghwa spoke up.

“Ready to visit the rulers of Clubs?”