#But I have my personal beef with people who are THIS mad about people not liking egg jokes

[astro-b-o-y-d]

Nobody tell this website that egg jokes aren't annoying because the concept of someone potentially being a trans woman instead of a feminine man is somehow bad (it's not in the slightest and if that does turn out to be the case, said woman should be treated with nothing but respect in terms of her gender identity). They're annoying because you do not know that person and misgendering anyone is rude and even if you're right, that's not anyone's business but theirs and you're still misgendering them now.

[nyctarian]

fans of wrestler redacted having to hard pivot to claiming aew is as morally bad as anything wwe mcmahon bc their guy is willing to compromise his stated values if they will give him a job is so funny. like you cant be mad at people for believing aew is better morally than vince mcmahons big conservative fundraiser sponsored by mbs when your guy himself has made his reputation on making the point that wwe bad for nearly a decade now. their are bad people at aew too but it is not systemic to the entire company's existence at the highest levels the way it is in wwe.

also since people on twitter are trying to pretend he was a lone voice of trans rights and got forced out bc of that im also gonna note aew had a trans womens world champion when p*nk was still working for fox's wwe backstage.

[yandereocs]

Have you watched Hazbin Hotel yet on Amazon Prime? It is amazing! ^_^ I really love the songs! Seriously, the best ones so far are Loser, Baby (Huskerdust ftw!) and the Hell is Forever Reprise from episode 6!

* I did watch Hazbin Hotel!! Before I get into my opinion, I do want to say that I did watch the pilot when it came out and I watch Helluva Boss as the episodes come out. So I'm familiar with this universe. And also I hate Vivziepop

* This show, in my opinion, was not good 😭

* I mean, it was entertaining, kinda. It did it's job at making me and my sister want to keep watching and it got a few small laughs from us, but the excessive swearing really ruined a lot of potentially funny moments. But for a show that was in development THAT long, it was not as good as it could have been

* There's so much potential but a lot of things just don't turn out the way I think Viv wanted it to come out. Pacing is a huge issue since there's only eight episodes (although that might not be Viv's fault, but I'm not too sure), the characters feel so...flat? Honestly I don't even really like their designs all that much. Alastor is not really all that cool (he constantly talks about how strong he is but never really shows it??) and the songs kinda suck

* There are some good songs. My favorite is Poison, and Loser, Baby is also pretty good. You Didn't Know, More Than Anything and Hell's Greatest Dad are on my playlist. But all the other songs are just kinda...okay. Like, they're catchy but also there's just like at least one part of the song that makes me not enjoy it all that much. But, I'm aware that music is very subjective so obviously other people are going to feel differently

* I literally did not care for any of the characters other than like. Angel Dust and maybe Charlie. Everyone else just feels so lame, you know? Sir Pentious SUCKS man I HATE him. Husk is pretty chill and cool, but other than that I'm not too invested in him. Vaggie's twist did absolutely nothing to make me like her more and also her relationship with Charlie is so unbelievably boring. Nifty isn't all that funny in my opinion and Lucifer's design really bugs me

* There's so much potential for the characters and their stories but right now, they have fallen flat. Which is extremely disappointing. Because I want to see these characters grow and change and be people I can root for. But right now they just feel so bland, and like they have no depth. But I will watch season two whenever that comes out (assuming there will be one)

* I'm not gonna judge anyone who likes the show or the characters or whatever. But it was not a good show in my opinion. It can be, but it's not there yet

[fingertipsmp3]

Maybe it’s the delusions again but maybe… just maybe….. everyone is out to get me

[unpassive-viewer]

Watching breaking in the olympics has been awesome as a former hip hop dancer, but holy shit. For every person who doesn't know how breaking even works and doesn't think it's a sport, there's ten more who are excited about the men's competition, but absolutely ragging on the women's competitors. My head is actually spinning.

If you don't know about breaking, I need to explain some things:

The breakers all know one another already, and all respect each other. This includes between the m&f categories. Nicka (silver medalist - women's) and Phil Wizard (gold medalist - men's) have literally competed as a duo.

The breakers that you think "are better than everyone in the finals" already went through the qualifying trials. They also compete with all the medalists, they also tried out for the olympic teams. They did not make it.

To that end, every battle is its own battle. They may have done poorly in the qualifying trials, but have beaten the now-gold medalists in other competitions. It's not like swimming where Katy Ledecky will pummel everyone else in the race unless she has an exceptionally off day.

Related to point 2 - breaking was born in the Bronx. It was also born in the 1970s. Being mad that the demographics don't reflect who you think should be dancing, or being mad that the dance isn't "in touch with its roots" is like being mad that someone modified the recipe for ginger beef. Some of the guys who were competing today are old enough that they were dancing with the same people who invented the sport. I promise that they have crazy respect for how it began and all of its influences.

Related to point 3 - breaking requires originality. It is a foundational element of the sport to evolve and be creative. It's a sport, but it's also an art form.

Dancing for three rounds in three separate battles is a lot for any dancer. If you think some of them looked like shit toward the end (I disagree, but whatever) it's because they are tired. Not to mention there were heat warnings in Paris! They still have more athletic ability in their left pinky finger than I've ever had in my whole body - and I was someone who also did street dance!

The music wasn't decided ahead of time, but the DJs were playing very very popular breaking songs. All of the competitors already know how they go, so if they were scoring low in musicality, it's not because they panicked not knowing the song.

The athletes have sets made up already, they're not freestyling. They adapt them to the music, but unless they blank in the middle of the competition, they already know which skills they want to show off. (I'm editing to clarify that some of them did freestyle, but for the most part it was after they felt like they'd done what was going to get them points)

I really doubt that anyone on tumblr is going to care, but Instagram users can't read and YouTube is full of bots. I'm so excited that I got to watch my sport in the Olympics, but my lord people cannot behave.

[faenix-fire]

I think "critic" culture has ruined a lot of people in the last few years. I understand that's it's basically all there is on YouTube for some of you out there but it's really been very damaging in too many ways to count.

Calling bad things out in long video essays isn't critiquing. Doing that is a reasonably good thing. Bad "critiquing" is when what's "bad" and "good" about things people "critique" becomes a war, a moralized problem, a "truth above all else."

Those nobody white guys in their 20-30's who only hate things but under the disguise of "critique" are not pariahs of a holy word.

I think people should just find out their own opinions on things. If I see anyone else argue over something they haven't interacted with but heard an hour long essay on, I just might combust.

You have your own brain, if you want to know if something is good or bad you can make that decision yourself. Please don't turn media into debates. If you actually put that energy into politics you could help a lot of people but you spend on feeling like "I've done the right thing" when arguing about of something is badly written. Like you've defended a moral ground, not attacked people trying to have fun in this hell world.

[hotvintagepoll]

Propaganda

Judy Garland (Meet Me In St. Louis, A Star is Born, Summer Stock)— Judy is the GOAT when it comes to classic movie musicals. The voice of an angel who deserved so much better than she got. She can sing she can dance she can act she's a triple threat. Though she had a turbulent personal life (her treatment as a child star by the studio system makes me mad as hell like Louis b Mayer fight me ((she was made to believe that she was physically unattractive by the constant criticism of film executives who made her feel ugly and who manipulated her onscreen appearance by capping her teeth and using discs in her nose to change its shape and Mayer called her "my little hunchback" like imagine hearing that as a child and not having damage)) she always goddamn delivered on screen and in any performance she gave. She began in vaudeville performing with her sisters and was signed to MGM at 13. Starting out in supporting parts especially paired with mickey Rooney in a bunch of films (she's the best part tbh) she eventually transferred to the lead role. She is best known for her starring role in movie musicals like the iconic Wizard of Oz (somewhere over the rainbow still hits hard and is ranked the top film song of all time), meet me in St. Louis (Judy singing have your self a merry little Christmas brings tears to the eyes she is that powerful), the Harvey girls (she looks like a technicolor dream and sings a catchy af song about trains), Easter parade ( dancing and singing with Fred Astaire), for me and my gal, the pirate, and summer stock ( with pal Gene Kelly who she helped when he was starting out and he helped her when she was struggling). But she also does non- singing just as well like the clock ( her first movie where she sings no songs and is an underrated ww2 era romance), her Oscar nominated a star is born ( like the man that got away she put her whole soul in that and I have beef with the fact she lost to grace kelly ((whom I love but like still not even her best work)), and judgement at Nuremberg (a courtroom drama about the nazi war criminal trials). Outside of film she made concert appearances to record-breaking audiences, released 8 studio albums, and had her own Emmy-nominated tv series. She was the youngest (39) and first female recipient of the Cecil B DeMille award for lifetime achievement in the film industry. Girl was a lifelong democrat and was a financial and moral supporter of many causes including the civil rights movement (she was at the March on Washington and held a press conference to protest the 16th street Baptist church bombings). She was a friend of the Kennedy family and would call jfk weekly often ending the calls by singing the first few lines of somewhere over the rainbow (she thought of them as Gemini twins).She was a member of the committee for the first amendment which was formed in response to the HUAC investigations. Though she died far too young and tragically she remains an icon for her work and her life. As a girl who didn't feel like i was as pretty as everyone else I have always felt a connection to Judy and I just really love her.

Natalie Wood (West Side Story, The Great Race)—She went through so much shit which I know can be said for all these women but Natalie really was a star and her death often overshadows her career and life. She could make you cry, but she also had the capacity to be incredibly funny which I think is lost on people.

This is round 4 of the tournament. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. Please reblog with further support of your beloved hot sexy vintage woman.

[additional propaganda submitted under the cut.]

Natalie Wood:

Judy Garland:

Judy's voice alone qualifies her for at least top ten hottest HOT VINTAGE MOVIE WOMEN. She was a truly incredible swing singer, with a stunning voice on top of her technique. Her short dark hair looked incredible in just about any style. Have I mentioned her swagger? I can’t do it justice with words. She had swagger. She was funny as hell, and clever too. Incredibly charming and cool. I adore her.

Her eyes, her voice have bewitched me

I mean how can you beat the one and only Judy? She's beautiful, her smile is contagious, the way she sings with her whole body. You can't help but love her.

Beautiful woman, love her singing voice. And she can do everything between happy or silly and angry or heartbroken

[antimony-medusa]

Honestly though like if you're following Philza you should get used to the fact that since the dawn of him streaming RP people have violently disliked his reaction to any angst beats because like, the cc finds angst rp funny and is also a very giggly guy. And if you're here for drama and tragedy it looks like he's not taking the pain seriously, which is obviously going to be something you don't like seeing. Trust me. We have been here before. I have watched DSMP. There were people saying he didn't take Techno's IRL death seriously enough because he was positive on stream. Like, this is top five things people get mad at cc!phil and his characters for, after "breaks the fourth wall" and "is an imperfect person/parent" and "idk his vibes just grate and I read them as Bad y'know".

I personally think that like the fact that he was repeatedly saying to the eggs that they were gonna get Tubbo back, they'll bring him back with the create wrench cause he cares about create, don't worry it'll all be okay; that was all evidence that the character does care about Tubbo and for heaven's sake, if you want angst, read that as denial and you're fully comfortably in one of the recognized stages of grieving. I was making jokes the day people in my life died, this is also one of the ways people deal with loss. But I also see why that's a POV clash if you wanted a more straightforward depiction of grief and angst? Phil was pretty far from being in tears, which is what some people think was warranted. So like, sure, if you've been watching a specific perspective, Phil's reaction was trivializing. I can see that perspective as well.

It is not fun to see someone calling your POV "vile" and "heartless" and "too selfish to consider other people" and the other delightful stuff that I just saw on a scroll through the tag, but like, that's just POV clash, you gotta let people have their own opinions and block the neg tags and maybe block people who are being really loud. Sincerely, it does nobody any good to go beefing about people being mean about your favourite cubito. Post careful lore exploration on your own blog if you want but doing replies, sending anons, all of that is the way down which A Bad Time lies. Sincerely like, this has happened before, this will happen again, just go listen to good music or something and ignore it.

[cynthiav06]

Question. do you think Percy should have stayed Single? Or ended up with somebody other than Annabeth? I Really think he should have stayed Single. Because I personally don't Like Percabeth, I don't Ship Percabeth and I don't Like Annabeth at all because of the way the Shippers act, or The way the characters themselves in Canon Act, like how Percy just does whatever Annabeth says, or how Percy is scared of Annabeth, Or how fans make it seem like Percy would become an Emo Edge Lord if something happened to Annabeth, Or How much she Belittles and Degrades him (I hate the nickname Seaweed brain), Especially since she acts like Percy cant do anything without her That moment when She and Reyna were talking about how ("Percy Couldn't find his way out of a Paper Bag without you")Made me SO mad it made me Dislike Annabeth even more and Dislike the Percabeth Ship as a Whole, I even hated when she Pretty much Restricted percy of using his powers You Know? "The sea doesn't like to be Restrained" well here it is.. being restrained...Exactly what it hates, and I hate how the Fandom makes Percabeth a Godly Ship saying they are the "It Couple" which they aren't and how They treat anyone who doesn't like Percabeth or Ships Percy with someone else other then Annabeth, but the one thing I HATE the most is how they make EVERYTHING percy Does Romantic for Annabeth like she's the only person who matters to him (Percy Only Remembering Annabeth (a Girl he's Known for only a couple years) Instead of The woman Who RAISED him by a goddess who isn't even the goddess of Love Made me SO MAD and Even when Annabeth made Percy remember when he was in the River Styx when it should have been his Mom made me mad) which is why I mostly believe that Percy Should have just stayed Single (I'm all for an Aromantic Percy) or At least Give him a Love interest who he can be Comfortable around and doesn't have to Constantly walk on Eggshells around her (I wished he Dated Rachel) or Hell Even make him Gay i've saw characters who have Better chemistry with Percy then Annabeth IMO but this all just my opinion.

You honestly don't know how long I could rant on this exact subject.

It's partly Annabeth's fault, and it's partly Rick's fault.

Anyone and everyone who has read the Pjo and HoO series should have noticed how illogical Percy's personality change was.

Percy Jackson, the hero of Olympus and the strongest demigod to ever live, sassy as can be, laid back but scary beyond measure if you cross him and an absolute menace to his enemies and loyal to death.

That's who he is, and Rick remembered that initially, and even till Son of Neptune then he just forgot how Percy someone he himself wrote to be this way is.

It's like Percy has no identity of his own, and he is only significant if he is with Annabeth. Like hello, he's the main character people, is the Fandom seriously going to degrade the main character, especially when the said mc is Percy Jackson???

Percy, despite his own issues, is and will always be foremost in helping people. He would be the first person to help keep the seven together. He would be the first to try and make a bond. He wouldn't have some stupid and illogical and totally ooc beef with Jason. Instead, he would help Jason be more sure of himself to stand up to Jupiter and for himself.

He would help Leo personally to bring back Calypso and they would both shit talk Olympians and how fickle their oaths are.

He would literally do anything to save Nico. Like hello, are you telling me that the boy who at 14 took it upon himself to bear the Great Prophecy, which he thought who end up killing him just to save Nico from that fate????? He would go absolutely madly feral to save Nico from the Giants.

If Piper and Reyna had their screws all properly fit they would see that Annabeth and literally everyone else would be all left to die if it wasn't for Percy. Percy gets himself out of everything by his own efforts and his own strategies. (Annabeth's rarely work). It's time the Fandom acknowledges that the best strategist in the verse is Percy, no questions asked and finally give him due credit for all HIS efforts.

Percy would never ever leave Sally unless it was for a quest, especially not when she was pregnant and absolutely not to go to college, something he hates especially when it concerns New Rome.

Here's a thing about Percabeth shippers they care about Annabeth's plans and her dreams, not Percy's. It is literally so out of character for Percy to want to live in New Rome a place that invests in a child army, a place that despises his father and wouldn't even build him a decent temple, a place so extremely cut off from the sea.

If Percy wanted to live in peace and grow old, he would do it in a place of his choosing close to his mother, Paul and Estelle, and close to the sea. But here's the thing about Percy.

I don't think people get this, but Percy can't just up and leave, nor would he want to. His damned fatal flaw is LOYALTY. He would never ever leave demigods or anyone helpless by leaving Camp Half Blood. Sure he would take less quests on but he would ALWAYS stick around and Rick did him so dirty by making all his thoughts revolve around Annabeth and insinuating he would let others suffer just fine to be with Annabeth.

Percy gave up immortality because he took Sally's teaching to heart as she did so too when she denied Poseidon's offer. He did it for himself for demigods it didn't have shit to do with Annabeth, but of course, he would look at her because she represents his life as a demigod.

Rick making Percy see Annabeth near the Styx and making him remember Annabeth instead of Sally is just him bullshitting. We all know Percy is a mama's boy, and he would do right by Sally always, so him giving a girl who he has known for barely long enough has no basis to it.

And Percabeth stans literally can't take a mention of a single alternate Percy pairing that alone is the biggest red flag. Because they know their ship is toxic and that Annabeth is the root of it.

For the PEOPLE IN THE BACK aka toxic stans:

Annabeth's fatal flaw is HUBRIS, and she is by nature controlling and condescending, and her character had the chance to GROW and CHANGE, and it would have been the most epic character growth sequel but she did not and she is CONTROLLING, DISMISSIVE , DEMEANING.

The newest Read Riordan entry literally has Annabeth saying that she needs to catch up to Percy cause he scores a better grade than her in school (even there Percy is smarter folks there you have it) and she literally says if she doesn't catch up Percy might start calling her SEAWEED BRAIN. So it is a demeaning nickname she gives Percy and continues calling him that even after knowing how Gabe similarly verbally abused Percy.

This is the fandom's IT couple? Wow. Percy literally is going against his own nature of being free and unrestrained like the sea because of Annabeth's controlling nature.

The worst of her behavior is when she blames Percy for his disappearance when she dismissed him when he was talking about his trauma induced by Gabe, her beyond toxic treatment of Rachel, especially when she unreasonably asked Percy to supress the use of the very power that got them out alive (she is scared naturally but she cannot force her own fear on Percy when he did nothing wrong).

So yeah, Percy Jackson with anyone but Annabeth. I am all for aromantic Percy, but personally, I find Perachel to be more appealing.

Trust me, I could rant about this for hours, especially how Rick butchered Percy's personality and made it full of Annabeth, especially how he threw Percy's insecurities and trauma and PTSD out of the gutter post tartarus.

[science-lings]

okay this has been going through my mind for days and I have to get my thoughts out before I explode

Disclaimer, this is not talking about a specific artist/person and would never condone or participate in anon hate or online bullying for any reason but especially this one. 

I get why people are mad about Link being portrayed as this buff, hypermasculine, tall guy. I am too (again don’t fucking attack people over it though) and it seems like such an infuriating way to change the character just to fit into some ideal of hypermasculine attractiveness or to make a ship fall into a more hetero lense by making him a decent foot taller than whatever girl he’s being paired with. 

The world of video games and action movies and every form of media ever is extremely saturated with male characters that are swole and manly and whatever other descriptors people are trying to push onto Link that don’t fit into his actual character. There are so many characters out there that already fit this male standard and having a clearly androgynous elf guy was like a breath of fresh air. 

Link was literally designed to be a character whose lines on gender were blurred, ‘a girl with a masculine touch or a guy with a feminine touch’ so that anyone could project themselves onto him. His physical design in botw/totk was specifically made to be feminine enough to wear a certain outfit to pass as a woman (which includes a nearly mandatory cutscene where he puts on the clothes and blushes after being called pretty, like you have to be blind to think that its an experience that he doesn’t like at all) and in totk there are a bunch of outfits made for Link that are blatantly gnc, ones that are practically dresses, include nail polish and lipstick, you can even dye his hair bright and vivid colors and that’s half way to giving him new pronouns. The whole reason Linkle isn’t included in more mainline loz games was because her existence would force Link into a gender dichotomy, if there's a clearly female version of the main hero, that means the main hero has to be a man, and they would rather abandon a potential reoccurring character than make Link conform to a gender binary. 

So pardon me when it feels disingenuous and even malicious for him to be morphed into these clear masculine ideals, where he towers over any female romantic partner (even when in canon he is regularly depicted as noticeably shorter than her) or even in m/m fanworks he’s really beefed up, perhaps to make the scene feel more gay or something. 

Perhaps it’s because his more twink-y/ femboy body type is so heavily sexualized (though obviously when people are sculping abs on him it’s totally not because they’re horny about it) and that’s an issue in itself that bothers me. But it’s just so tiring to see one of the very few popular main characters who is short and feminine and androgynous be molded into just another bland muscle-headed action hero over and over and over again. 

I’m not mad at the creators for portraying him differently than how I like him portrayed, I’m mad because we really do get so few characters like him in good popular media, and to be honest, I really like him the way that he is. I love that he’s tiny and has long hair and has the option to dress any way the player likes. It seems a little distasteful to make him taller than a female love interest just because that’s how straight couples have to be, there’s just never been a real straight couple where the guy is shorter than the girl, that’s just Impossible! (/s) 

[skylarsblue]

this isn’t really a request or anythin’, just a thought. 141 havin to deal with a southern team member who only gets progressively more accented the more they get mad.

100% projecting here

pretty unaccented, American, whatever —> ✨ anger ✨ —> Memphis called they want their “oo-ol” back (translation: oil).

i have no idea if they’d be annoyed, charmed, or just confused.

✦141 + Los Vaqueros With A Southern!Teammate✦

(My first C.o.D request and it's for pEOPLE LIKE MEEEE, southern traassh! This my shit. Fair warning, I've never played one of these games cause I don't have a console, so if they're ooc, please tell me how I can improve writing them!)

✦Random headcanons, Southern slang, GN!Reader, Race neutral as well but American, implied to be Oklahoma/Texas style southern, aggressive cursing because I have the mouth of a sailor, a bit of Google Translated Spanish(forgive me), Rudy doesn't have a color cause I ran out I'm so sorry precious boy✦

✧Simon Riley✧

He's not real fond of Americans, admittedly. He's got a little voice in the back of his head that automatically associates Americans with betrayal, but he'll keep quiet.

He cringes at your accent at first. He's not fond of Americans, even less so of most American accents. It's a very thick drawl and after being in the team for a while, he'll tease you about it, telling you to "Speak English" like he does with Soap.

He shuts up when you bring up his Manchester accent being illegible sometimes. It's all in good fun though!

After proving you're trustworthy, he'll basically call you his "special American", to show you're an exception. He will never stop poking fun at you though, just as you do to him. Particularly when you say something intensely American.

"Look at her ass, out here pitchin' a bitch fit with a tail on it." "...What in the hell is that even supposed to mean?"

He'll give you one thing, you treat beef well, which he appreciates. Given he used to be a butcher's apprentice. Americans from the southern states know how to make a hamburger and we know how to cook a steak, that's like...the one thing we can brag about.

If you're like me and you dunk on your own country, he thinks those moments are really funny. Especially when you sound so American.

He probably enjoys you being angry the most. He loves it so much, he thinks it's extremely entertaining. Especially if you're a more small, non-intimidating person on the surface.

"Fuck off! Out here makin' a damn mess of the place, runnin' around like a chicken with its head cut off, wrecking my shit! I outta whoop yer ass!" "Should we step in?" "No no, let it go on a little longer..."

Probably tries to make your call sign something heavily American stereotypical, in a funny way. (ie. Bald Eagle, Stars(JILL!), Shotgun, etc.)

A bit hypocritical but if you have a farm with cows on it, he doesn't really wanna see them. His first thought his how to butcher them from years of training, and if they're not butcher cows, he feels kinda bad for thinking it.

Congrats! You're the only American Simon likes, aside from maybe Alex but I don't know for sure.

✧Johnny MacTavish✧

Laughs when you first speak. He apologizes but like, he laughs at you, I'm sorry.

Definitely asks if you have a cowboy hat, and he will lose his fucking mind if you do. The more cowboy shit you own the more he's entertained, especially if you wear them around base/on field.

He understands you super well but no one understands how or why. Johnny explains that it's just because he's good with accents. He'll hear weird euphemisms and, though it may take a second, 9 times out of 10 he'll get it.

"Fucker's so cheap I bet he pinches quarters til they scream." "What?! What does that mean!?" "Means he's a penny pincher! He's cheap. C'mon, that one was obvious, keep up, yeah?"

If you're a woman/female leaning, he'll call you cowgirl. If you're male/male leaning, you get the nickname cowboy. Non-binary/Genderfluid/Etc.? He calls you partner, and he'll always say it with a shitty imitation of your accent.

Asks you a buncha questions about American-Southern stereotypes to see if they're true. If they are, he gets really giggly about it.

If they ever have a mission in America, he'll insist you lead them everywhere. He likes seeing how you interact with people, especially if you're in a big city where some nutsos are. This man would have a blast watching you in a Waffle House. It's the only time he likes seeing you yell in public, thinks it's hilarious.

If you have any farm experience he's gotta see it. He needs to. I don't care if the farm is your great grandpa's and you haven't been there in a decade, you better take him to see the cows and tractors right now, immediately. Especially if there are chickens. He loves chickens.

He makes fun of your accent but he thinks it's really hot sometimes and he's very annoyed at himself for it. Particularly when you speak softly, trying to console/comfort him, slipping in a typical southern pet name.

"You alright there, sugar? Took quite a hit there. You need anythin', sweetheart?" "...I uh, uhm, ahem. N-no, no I'm alright." "Are ya sure, sweetpea? Your face is goin' redder than a tomato."" NO, I'M GOOD."

Manages to get the entire team to call you a southern callsign, whether you like it or not. He'll force it to stick. Most are animal-based too. (Cowboy/Cowgirl, Chick/Rooster, Bull/Heffer, Big Tex, etc.)

Your accent grows on him significantly. While he thinks you're very sexy when you're angry, he's really affected when you're soft and sweet. (bonus note; if you're faux sweet when you're mad? The whole "Oh...bless your heart" type thing? He's prolly gonna pop a boner, not gonna lie.)

✧John Price✧

He's not American but there are a lot of American things he likes, admittedly. Specifically, old western stuff, horses, ranches, etc. That whole aesthetic is something he's always enjoyed. He won't say it, but he has a particular fondness for your accent when he first hears it.

Doesn't understand you when your accent gets super thick but he thinks it's entertaining nevertheless. Unlike Ghost or Soap, he doesn't comment on it, because he doesn't think he has room to talk. Maybe he'd do it once and then you'd throw it back at him and he'd realize that...yeah he has no room to talk.

He's a calm individual but he will yell when necessary. But, what he finds admirable is when you jump in and yell for him. Like you can read his mind and he can save his throat, watching the people who were pissing him off jump back at thick southern curses being yelled at them.

"I outta jerk a damn knot in your fuckin' tail, ya fuckin' dumbass! Didn't ya momma ever teach you respect?! You ain't ever gonna talk to my damn captain like that again or I'll skin yer fuckin' hide!" "Ahem, thank you, sergeant, that's enough."

Buys you a cowboy hat if you don't already have one, for sure. Whether you take it as a genuine gift or you take it as a light jab at your roots, he'll get a lil' dopey smile if you decide to wear it. Gaz definitely makes fun of you two. Soap points out that Gaz also wears a hat religiously and he & Ghost start callin' you the hat trio.

Man melts at southern-drawl-spoken pet names. He truly does. Much like Soap, there's something about it that makes the tension leaves his body, though he's not really sure why.

"You alright there, Cap? You're lookin' bout ready to drop..." "I'm alright soldier, just need to finish this." "Captain, it'll be there in the mornin'. How bout a nap instead, huh? You can't go workin' yourself to the bone, hun. It ain't healthy."" ...oh alright, just for a bit though." "Sure, sugarcube, just long enough to have some tea."

He'll probably pick up on a few pet names and call you them. Whether you wanna take it as platonic or not, it's really just a sweet gesture that he wants to return. Pet names are kinda just...a staple of southern slang. It's part of the accent that he really enjoys, therefore he wants to return it.

If he ends up helping you with a call sign, it's going to be a really sweet & nice one. Or perhaps something that's from an old western he's seen. Probably based on something you've said before. (Sugarcube, Lasso, Hun/Hunny.) Bonus points if you get a super sweet name that doesn't match your stature, he thinks it's funny if it throws people off.

Piggybacking off the last one, I think it'd be real funny if your call name was "Sugarcube" and you're like...a 6'0"+ buff dude with a deep voice. That shit would be funny. Anyway!

If you own/live on a ranch or farm in your off time, he'll feel honored if you invite him to see it. Don't worry, he won't laze around and just appreciate the cute animals. (Looking at you Soap) He's got a little bit of experience with cows & horses, so he'll do his best to help you move the hay and such. Don't let him drive a tractor though, it's one of the few things he just can't do.

John doesn't play favorites, he's fair and precise to his entire team. But...off the field? ...you might get a little favoritism, he's got a weakness for bein' sweettalked through southern drawl. Don't let that go to your head though!

✧Kyle Garrick✧

Kyle doesn't care too much, he thinks every country has shitty stuff and cool stuff. He's a pretty big believer in silver linings. While America is far from his favorite country, and he knows the common trope of uh...less than tolerant people from the south, that doesn't affect how he sees you at all.

He does snicker at your accent sometimes, but only when you say something really aggressively southern. Especially making up random southern phrases that he doesn't understand at all. He finds it endearing.

"We just gotta haul ass and go tear shit up, run through like a buncha Tasmanian devils, right?" "...I understood...some of those words. Uh, sure, right." "We need to move our asses and fuck shit up." "Ah, okay. Could've just said that, but alright."

Thinks you're kinda scary when you're mad. He'll be the type to try and calm you down, but he understands if it's someone who deserves it. Not that he doesn't find your drawl fun to listen too, especially if someone was being an ass, but he doesn't like seeing you upset.

If the person you're yelling at was being a real big ass, he'll let you yell for a little, but step in. However, if you're doing condescending rage? Oh, go for it, do it all you want. He thinks it's hilarious.

Finds it particularly sweet if you're angry on the teams/his behalf. He can fight his own battles but he thinks it's a big sign of trust, friendship, etc. that you feel the need to defend him.

"Bless your heart, your brain ain't firing off on all cylinders is it, hun? Tsk, that's a shame..." "Excuse me?!" "You're excused, sweetpea. You're not gonna talk to my team that way, but you can turn your happy ass around and walk away. I ain't gonna have you disrespectin' the people who've been fightin' the good fight. Have a lovely day!" "How can you sound so sweet and yet so angry at the same time?" "Southern livin', sugar. Southern livin'."

Gaz is a bit of a foodie type, he likes trying cooking from any area he can go to. Southern cooking would...it'd be a new weakness for sure. A lot of it is unhealthy, yes, but he doesn't give a shit. It tastes good. Sometimes he thinks American food is an absolute sin and a disgrace, and he'll state it as such. Usually, it's stuff you agree on. Like bacon-covered donuts or fried butter. That shit's egregious. But things like southern-style chicken or rib-eye on a grill? You're gonna make him swoon with them roasted vegetables. Cooking for him is a surefire way to make you an unapologetic favorite in his book.

He won't say anything at the little jokes that people jab at you for your accent, but he will tell someone off if they say something that's clearly not funny and upsets you. Like trying to imply you're stupid because you come from Texas. (Speaking from personal experience) He thinks it's such a dumb thing to give someone shit over and he won't hesitate to say they're an idiot for trying to use it against you.

Hates sweet tea, I'm sorry. It's just tea but he can't stand it. He'll drink the unsweetened tea you make, but he'll make a dramatic face if he mixes them up. Something that you always laugh at.

He's great at driving basically any vehicle. Helicopters to mini coopers. He's never controlled a tractor before, but if you sit him in one and tell him the levers, it'll take him like...three minutes to get it down perfectly. Definitely gets a smug ass grin if you show you're amazed.

If he helps get you your call sign, he won't necessarily make it based on where you're from, it'll probably be based on a nickname, skill, or crucial event in your career. (Crash; you were thrown through a window, Hotshot; skill for sniping, etc.) But if he were to have one based on your southern ways? Sweet Tea, both for the fact you make it and the pet name you sometimes call him. (sweet pea)

✧Alejandro Vargas✧

Like Ghost, he's not super fond of Americans. His experience with most Americans are annoying tourists and Graves, leaves a pretty bad impression. He comes across unintentionally snappy when he first meets you, but Rudy will point it out, and he'll correct himself.

You aren't the annoying people he's dealt with and he knows it's not fair to say you are. Definitely talks shit on America though, and he'll honestly give you respect if you do the same. Since he's used to the kind of Americans that think being American give them a right to treat others like shit. He hates entitlement.

If you speak Spanish, he's gonna try really hard to not laugh at how your accent affects some words, but it's really hard. He means it in kind and if you're still learning when you meet him, he's proud when he hears you doing well in comprehension and sentences. Still, sounds just a lil silly.

He loves when your accent gets thick from rage, but he his favorite thing is if you speak Spanish in a rage, with your accent on top of it. It's a combination that fills his brain with serotonin.

"Eres un maldito idiota. ¡Tan útil como las tetas de un toro!" "Wha- Haha! What does that mean?!" "Did they say some super weird analogy?" "Si! They did!" "Yeaaah, they do that a lot."

He's notorious for having a naturally flirty personality, it's just how he's always been. Hence why not much phases him, but he does get a quite wide & genuine grin if you flirt back, making your accent extra intense. Especially with the pet names, another man who likes sweet words.

Thinks you having a southern call sign is really cute, especially if it's something your team calls you exclusively. He thinks it shows your endearment to your team. However, if your call sign is something you insist is only for friends, he'll get super giddy about being allowed to call you it.

If he were to pick? (Belle; Like southern belle whether you're fem! or not, Rodeo, and he might call you Americano- but like, in the coffee way. Like it's a sweet nickname, not just him saying your nationality)

Southern hospitality is something he is not used to. Again, bad experience with Americans. So if you explain all the various manners and nice gestures that are considered expected in your home state? He's completely confused, wondering why the Americans he's met don't keep that attitude up when they leave home.

Again, really likes it if you use southern pet names. Especially if you're trying to console him after a really tough day/mission. For some reason it really helps, like a cup of warm coffee on a cold morning.

"Aye, don't stress yourself over it, darlin'. Bad things happen that we can't control, you did everything you could and you were great at it. Don't let it eat at'cha, honey-bun." "Gracias, Bella. Lo necesitaba…" "Anytime, big guy. Now, you wanna see me try and fail again to open a de la Rosa without breaking it?" "Aha! How about I show you a trick to do it instead?"

Again, like Ghost, you're his special American. Gaz calls you his emotional-support American once and he thinks it's really funny, he'll call you as such every now and then.

✧Rodolfo Parra✧

Sweet darling man. He has nothing against you being American, nothing. But...he cannot understand anything you're saying. He's doing his best but he really doesn't know. He can feel his brain frying every time you bring up something super southern, trying to understand.

He'll have to lean over to your team to ask for a translation, anyone but Soap & Price will tack on an "I think, I'm not sure" at the end of their explanation. If he hears you use a phrase more than once, he'll add it to a little list of notes with the translation underneath it. Treats it like a whole different language. It's adorable.

Like Alejandro, he thinks it's funny if you speak Spanish with your accent. He'll keep a straight face because he knows you can't help it, but man is it fun to hear.

He's not very fond of a lot of yelling if he can avoid it, Rudy prefers disputes to be handled with calm words if possible. But he understands that sometimes it's necessary. Still, he'd want to try and calm you down if you're yelling. But, if you're just acting sickeningly-sweet, kind words that are clearly dripping with venom? He'll just watch. He thinks that shows you handle yourself very well and it's pretty attractive to him, not gonna lie.

"Awww I'm so sorry you're upset, poor thing. God bless you, sir, you have a lovely day. I hope that stick up your ass doesn't hurt too bad." "¡Soldado! No digas eso…" "Shh, sugar, it's fine. He wants to be rude, I can be rude back. An eye for an eye. Don't worry your pretty lil' head bout it, sweetheart." "Dios, a veces me asombras y me aterrorizas."

He's really hesitant about American food. It smells great sometimes but all he hears about American food is that it's greasy, or too salty, etc. Still, he won't deny any meal you make. He thinks it's rude to deny food unless it's something you're allergic to.

He ends up liking a few things, but he is biased to his home cooking. But if you start making his favorite foods, or somehow combine the styles in an honoring way? Oh, those are his favorites. He's particularly fond of American sweets though!

Please bake for this man, bake for him, I beg. Apple pie is an American staple for a reason and he'll jokingly claim he'll move to America if it means he can have apple pie every day.

"Rudy, that's your fourth piece! Ahaha, if I knew you liked it so much I woulda made ya more." "Ay, please do! ¡Fue enviado desde el cielo!" "Alright then, hun, I'll be sure to make you all the apple pie ya want."

Rudy really likes if you wear stuff like a cowboy hat. He's not really sure why, he just thinks it's really cute. If it's a staple of your whole look(like John's hat), seeing you protective over it, he thinks that's really cute. If you're protective of your cowboy hat but let him hold it/put it on his head to hold it, it's gonna fluster him. Even if your guy's relationship is completely platonic.

If you live near the border of Texas & Mexico, it makes visiting you pretty easy, so he'll have no qualms about going back and forth when off duty. He'll be more comfortable in his home but he won't turn down the offer to see your home, especially if it's a ranch. He's got a soft spot for farm animals. (Particularly goats)

If he has any control of how you choose your call sign, he'll likely pick something the same way Gaz does. But, if you have a thing about what certain people call you - like how only Ghost can call Soap "Johnny" - He feels really warm and fuzzy if he gets a special privilege.

(Translations; "Eres un maldito idiota. ¡Tan útil como las tetas de un toro!" - "You're a fucking idiot - as useful as a bull's tits/about as useful as tits on a bull!" "Gracias, Bella. Lo necesitaba…" - "Thank you, bella/beauty. I needed it." "¡Soldado! No digas eso…" - "Soldier! You can't say that..." "Dios, a veces me asombras y me aterrorizas." - "God, sometimes you amaze and terrify me." "¡Fue enviado desde el cielo!" - "It was sent from heaven!")

[a-998h]

I’m so sorry if I’m like bothering you😭 But like I just have so many questions-

So what if in the same scenario where (Reader) is like really strong and kills monsters like the ask from before

And once they find out that some of the Archons/other people are really old they’ll make soo many jokes about it-

Like if Zhongli was like “Please (Reader), I don’t mind if you see me as a father-figure, I won’t be mad if you call me Dad,”

And (Reader) who’s like 12-14 years old is like “You’re too old to be my Dad, you’re more like a grandpa.” And then they just walk away, and Zhongli just lays on the floor, heartbroken

And if (Reader) beefs with Wanderer, and he’s being mean they’ll be like “Shut up old man!” Or like “Your still this immature at your grown age?”

And for Nahida, they would just hold her in their arms, she would be the only few people that (Reader) doesn’t actively make fun of, and they’ll show genuine interest on how she’s so old but looks so young, and they would like sit with her and talk about their world

But suddenly everything takes a turn when (Reader) is sitting with a character (One who’s thousands of years old) and (Reader) just turns to them and’s like “Y’know, I realized if I stay in this world, that means you and a lot of the others are still gonna be here when I die” and then they’ll just calmly turn back to look up back at the starry night-

You pick which ones would be bawling their eyes out or how each character would react-

And then reader would go up to characters who aren’t thousands of years old and would assume they are and they would be like “You look old” or like “I feel like your actually an old person”

Like they would say this to Itto, Cyno, Diluc or any other characters of your choosing (Hopefully those three aren’t thousands of years old from what I know💀)

Have a good day!

-🍉Anon

🍉 Anon you never fail to inspire me and my devious little mind, and for that I thank you. I'll start with the mocking age headcanons then move into the existential dread the Creator inspires.

(Included characters: Venti, Zhongli, Ei, Nahida, Itto, Wander, Diluc, Cyno, Xiao, Neuvillette, and Xianyun)

Age jokes

Zhongli

“Please (Reader), I don’t mind if you see me as a father-figure, I won’t be mad if you call me Dad,”

“You’re too old to be my Dad, you’re more like a grandpa.”

Your response/ jab at his age makes him pause

At this point no one in Teyvat besides Traveler and Paimon know that Zhongli is Rex Lapis

Is not surprised the great Creator knows things, but he wasn't expecting you to know that

Uses the jokes to mess with you in small ways

Whenever you ask to do any monster killing he'll pull the deaf old man bit, just to annoy you

Will also make you do harder chores by pulling the old man = bad back

It's funny... to him, he also uses this as a teaching moment

Venti

Laughs it off

Another that uses your jokes to mess with you

When you ask him to do something, he'll hold his hand to his ear and say "I'm sorry little windblume, I didn't hear you. My hearing must be going at this age,"

But jokes on him, you use his perceived old age to try and limit his wine drinking

That fails, but you tried kid

Whenever you run around Mondstadt or do monster killing, he sighs and talks about when he was young

You both annoy each other and it is glorious

Ei

She is shocked

She knew you liked to joke, but she didn't think she was that old

Because you're talking to the Riaden Shogun puppet most of the time, you don't get a reaction

Your jokes don't get turned on you

It's kind of boring

Nahida

Only one who doesn't get age jokes

You are genuinely curious about how she looks young but is really hundreds of years old

You both talk about the advantages and disadvantages of being physically young but mentally older

Still unnerved by your monster killing and has her friend Wanderer watch over you

Furina

Huffs of annoyance

she then scolds you herself before snitching on you to Neuvillette

In the ends she'll forgive you, once you bribe her with sweets

Wanderer

“Shut up old man!”

How dare you!

His face turns shades of red no one knew were possible

Will respond by calling you brat and saying how cute you are in a teasing tone

Will be petty

“Your still this immature at your grown age?”

Turns even redder

You both beef with each other and it makes other worried

Will granny pinch your cheeks

Still smug about your monster killing, if bribed he'll help you

Your beef is both worrying and entertaining

Xiao

Silence

He doesn't really understand the ages jokes

Thinks that you're just being mean

He'll snitch to grandpa Zhongli

Once it's explained to him by Zhongli

He just is confused

Why are you joking that he's old?

Just a really clueless when it comes to these jokes

Itto

Tears

He thinks it's because his hair is white

Now, he'll try his best to be the cool young uncle to you

He also doesn't want to think about how old he is

Will try and go monster killing with you

When he sees your strength... proud

Will carry you around and be like "Look at my awesome friend!"

So yeah, like a grandma showing off pictures of her grandkids

Cyno

Is surprised

It's probably his grumpy face and his voice

Whenever you make ages jokes he tries to scold you about it

Whenever you run into the desert to do monster killing he'll chase after you to stop you

Try and pull this in the rainforest and he'll have Tighnari case you do to stop you

He thinks you make jokes about his age because of his hair color

Proud of your strength but still worrys about you

Diluc

This is the face he has on the inside

His voice and resting bitch face is probably what makes you think he's old, at least he thinks so

Think Kaeya is the one who is telling you he's old

He canonically 22 so this hits him hard

Tries to keep you in the manor at night

When he sees you sneaking out to kill monsters.... dad mode ™️

The more he scolds, and tries to act like a dad the more you call him old

You'll be the reason he ends up with grey hair, eyes bag, and wrinkles

Neuvillette

Grandpa number 2

He already deals with Furina, so he's prepared

Whenever you poke fun at his age, he'll scold you for it

He'll never say it in public but you and Furina are his grandbabies

Your monster killing worries him, like a lot

So much that he has the melusine spy on you and report back

You often get scolded for reckless behavior

He is the more strict of your grandfather figures

Glares and scolds you whenever you call him old

He thinks your jokes are very disrespectful

Would be upset if they started rubbing off on Furina

Xianyun

Considering she tells Paimon to "respect your elders" when Paimon made her mad

She doesn't really care

To her, age = experience

She will act unaffordable by you monster killing, but it scares her

When you joke about her being a grandma, she plays into it

It's not to annoy you either, she just thinks she's your grandma

Will do standard grandma things

Whenever you try and get her to stop, she just responds with "nonsense!"

Now time for existential dread

“Y’know, I realized if I stay in this world, that means you and a lot of the others are still gonna be here when I die”

Crying on the outside and the inside

Nahida, Itto, Venti, Furina

Cries on the inside only

Neuvillette, Zhongli, Diluc, Ei

Doesn't know how to properly talk to you abut it

Cyno, Xiao, Wanderer, Xianyun

[lowkeyrobin]

QSMP ; how much their eggs like you

includes ; tubbo & sunny, wilbur & tallulah, charlie & juanaflippa, quackity & tilin, jaiden & empanada and philza & chayanne

warnings ; language, mentions of parental neglect

AN ; I'm not like super into qsmp yet, so bare with me, ik most of them have like multiple parents/caregivers but I picked the ones I know the most about and the qsmp wiki is currently my life saver. the eggs are so cute so I can't not wrkte a little something about them 💔💔💔💔 I apologize bc this is gonna be so ooc... also ik juanaflippa and tilin died but ignore that

masterlist

TUBBO & SUNNY

Sunny is very iffy about you at first

"pa, who is that?"

"uhhh... that's y/n" Tubbo answers, "my partner"

she stares at both of you for a second like 🤨😒

they think their dislike of themselves of others is totally unfair and only relies on a select few people so trying to get used to you in a whole story in itself

tubbo, charlie, lenay, and polispol do their best to try and tell her "Hey they're cool, sunny, it's okay, they love you!!" but she won't budge

takes her a long while to accept you into the lil family but she ends up loving you

money is the way to their heart

if only anyone had told you sooner...

WILBUR & TALLULAH

tallulah instantly loves you

she's very quiet around you at first and hides behind will but quickly gets used to your presence

she's just a little anxious at first yk

"I love pa's new partner :3"

she loves playing the flute for you and talking about star wars with you it's the cutest thing

like you'll just be watching over her for Will or Phil and she's just so comfortable talking about her passions with you

Tallulah loves reassuring your builds and likes helping you as well, if you're unsure of how something looks, she's quick to reassure you that it looks good!

she gets you little gifts and shit it's the most adorable thing

her desire for validation mostly drives her kindness to you but she does actually appreciate you a lot

you seem to be there when no one else is and she frequently gives you 'I love you's and little flowers and stuff

she has abandonment issues so you make sure to always check behind yourself to make sure she's still following you

you refuse to leave her anywhere

always looks at you with a 😊 or 🤩 no explanation

she always refers to you as 'ma/pa' or a special nickname. like a syllable of your actual name or smthn, like something special for you two lol

you constantly tell and reassure each other that you're so awesome, great dynamic honestly

CHARLIE & JUANAFLIPPA

She's very quiet and reserved, but obedient

that automatic obediencey grew as a part of her and she just automatically accepted you into the family

although charlie and mariana were very negligent parents, she still trusted them and did as they said

you were the total opposite

it was what she wanted with you two, she has the freedom

you constantly argue w charlie over being a neglectful parent (character not irl)

she's very brave and courageous, and knows how to stay positive

you have personal beef w her parents bc they're such asses to her /hj

she loves guns.

she teaches you how to use guns as well

bonding time in the enclosure 🤞🤞🤞

she lived a short life but she's literally a part of you now

QUACKITY & TILIN

very sweet and caring but also chaotic and edgy

you showed her love and she CLUNG to you

"y/n is my favorite person, not you, pa"

they were always looking to give and receive love to/from everyone but quackity made it so hard for them

even after expressing being mad at quackity for not paying attention to them, they still loved him

shit broke your heart

he literally died bc of neglect from quackity bruh

constantly fighting w quackity over them being neglected :( (character not irl)

all they wanted was love man

you did your best to show her love and make memories with her since quackity clearly barely wanted to

quackity promised he'd be a better dad but uh...

towards the end of their life, they started getting depressed and stuff, you obviously noticed

you just laid on the floor with him, listening to all he had to say, just being there for him

anyways this is getting sad

they love you so much, tells you constantly that they love you and appreciate you

cutie patootie

JAIDEN & EMPANADA

em is very loving, instantly accepts you into the family, although a little cautious at first

you make her sweet foods all the time

absolutely loves you sm

always repays you with flowers or little treasures

"I got you flowers, ma/pa!"

she has a passion for baking with Niki, so sometimes you three (Niki and Em + you watching or burning the house down) have little baking days

jaiden just watching you guys be silly and do dumb shit like "I think I won with this one, guys"

you and jaiden spoiling the hell out of her LMAO

PHILZA & CHAYANNE

used to be more quiet but now talks a lot more

very energetic, your energies match perfectly

very responsible, looks over you if anything

he's always eager for adventure so you guys go explore often while phil and missa are busy

teaches you combat tricks and tips

literally a walking 'top 5 best combat tips and tricks' video I swear

he's very confident as well, likes to pvp with wooden swords with you

he always wins

you aren't even trying to let him win, he's just a god

I mean he's being raised by Phil and Missa so it makes sense LMAO

"I want pvp with y/n :("

"chayanne, they're not online, I'm sorry"

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I asked my mom to stop keto-fying recipes?

this is either gonna be a complete non-issue or get people mad at me, i can tell lmao. unfortunately this has been bugging me for weeks. :D

To be clear, I'm almost 25, but I and my adult/teenage siblings still live with my parents bc the economy is ass. Also, Mom hasn't been doing it to every recipe…yet…but the ones she has changed have been recipes where a carbohydrate is an important part of the main meal.

For instance, replacing the potatos in a beef-carrot-potato stew with a rutabaga.

Mom's been on a modified keto diet for a while now, and while Dad is the only one intentionally doing it with her, the rest of us are aware of her diet and are generally chill about it. For a while, we would have nights where the parents would have Thing A, which was diet-compliant, and the rest of us would have Thing B, which was not. Those of us who are not dieting are all old enough to make things for ourselves, by the way, and that's usually what happens. For most of these "split meals," one parent usually doesn't wind up cooking two meals, one of which they can't even eat.

The stew is usually a "split" meal that gets made by one person who does most of the prep just by virtue of knowing the recipe, then one person who peels and chops the potatoes, and then one who wrangles the peeling and chopping of the rutabaga. The rutabaga then gets combined with a proportionate amount of The Rest, and those of us who aren't dieting are welcome to taste-test it. I've tried it, and the rutabaga's okay, I guess, but quite a bit too sweet and non-safe-food-y for me in the context of the stew, especially when I'm so used to potatoes. Wrangling the rutabaga is a bit more fun than eating it.

…except the most recent time we had the stew, Mom and Dad made an executive decision and just made a full-family pot of rutabaga stew without really seeing if everyone else was on board with it. Two of my siblings seemed fine with it, one is an enigma on a good day so I don't even know how they felt about it, and I hated it. I didn't get the chance to say so, however, between everyone else complimenting the altered stew and the conversation quickly switching to something else.

Unfortunately, our parents have decided that we will be making the stew with rutabagas only going forward.

Not "the family has decided."

The parents have decided. For adults and a teenager. Not for little kids.

Since then, in other conversations where recipes come up, such as conversations about the teenager's recent baking kick, Mom has been mentioning keto versions of whatever's being talked about in the nonspecific way that I'm pretty sure is her hinting/telling us that we should make it. In the context of teen baking, a keto chocolate cake, or keto cookies.

Look, I'm not here to debate the worth of a diet or lack thereof. I have plenty of those opinions and I'm not going to change them or let them distract from the core of the matter: when any of us are making food for the others, why are we letting two people's diets dictate what the rest of us should eat? If we're making something specifically to align with the keto diet, then that's a parent snack/meal. If we're not, it's a "kids" snack/meal. It should be as simple as that. Why make a full-family-sized meal if it's going to be pushing low/no carbs onto people who, historically, have not wanted to or needed to drop carbs? (It's me, I'm people. I know, I'm not really subtle, am I?)

I'm considering, the next time the stew comes up as a dinner plan, asking what a single-sized portion of the potatoes would be and just making it for myself. Given I have the spoons to do so that night, anyway. However, I really don't want to insult Mom's family recipe (which…she's already altered…and I would be reverting to its previous state…) or her cooking skills (which haven't lessened, even if I personally think her ingredient choices are a bit lacking lately).

What are these acronyms?

[piratefishmama]

Nest | Part 4

A Steddie A/B/O ficlet

Eddie hadn’t skimped on ‘personal’ items. His bags were full to the brim, not of things for him to wear, but of other people’s clothes. Other people’s things.

He had sweatshirts, he had shirts, he had an old pair of jeans, some hoodies, he had pillowcases and extra blankets to throw over the scentless nest building ones provided.

He was prepared to fill his nest with comforting scents. Yet there wasn’t a single alpha scent among them.

Steve felt… comfortable there. He wasn’t intruding on anyone’s rightful place, the alpha in him felt like it belonged in that spot when Eddie finally decided he’d had enough of layering hoodies and shirts generously donated by his bandmates and friends and settled himself back next to Steve, laying in that spot where he’d just taken a momentary break, hands tired.

So it was kind of a surprise when Eddie came out, after a moments silence, with “I’m missing something.” Like it wasn’t that big of a deal if he didn’t have it, but it wasn’t there, so he needed to make it known.

“I can have one of the staff call your emergency contact if you want, see if they can get it for you?” Robin would still be at the front desk, she wouldn’t mind.

“N-no… no i—I don’t think Wayne would be able to get what I need. It’s… dumb. It’s dumb, I don’t need it, it’s okay.” Steve shifted so he was on his side, elbow propping his face up as he looked down at the omega.

So, he was pretty. He was very pretty. He was a goddamn pretty omega at that angle, how had Steve just never noticed before?

Had he really been that blind in high school?

“Eddie… whatever it is, it’s not dumb, think of it like this… pregnant omegas will ask for the weirdest shit to eat, like… the weirdest combination of foods, apparently my mother? She always asked for Celery covered in Nutella, and tuna with beef pâté on this fancy herb bread my Nonna bakes” the expression, yeah Eddie was very cute. Too cute actually. “I mention this, because it’s important to cater to those weird requests, cause that’s your body basically asking for whatever nutrients comes from those things. That’s your body saying I need something that’s in those things, combine them for quicker consumption. It’s the same sort of concept, you’re in pre-heat, that little omega part of your brain is asking for something it needs, it’ll be stressed without it making this whole thing less effective. So what is it?”

Steve had done his training, he'd spent hours, weeks, months, years of his life learning this shit so he could be better, so he could help people like Eddie.

So he could be there for someone who needed him, because so few had needed him while growing up.

So he could tell that Eddie was obviously conflicted. Brows furrowed, his bottom lip captured between his teeth worrying at the plush skin reddening it and— okay stop focusing on his lips, Steve.

“You won’t judge me?” God could those eyes get any prettier? Any bigger? Any shinier?  

Steve just about managed to catch the little whine at the back of his throat, caught it before it escaped, critical hit right there. He needed to get himself under control. “Eddie…”

“You were such a judgy bitch in high school, Steve! You cant blame me for being hesitant now.”

“Okay. I’ll give you that.” He was judgemental. He and Robin had spent many hours judging people from the reception desk, never the Omegas but definitely random staff members or people who brought their family members in, those who were fair game basically “I can be judgemental, you’re right, it’s in my nature, but never here, you’re safe here, I swear.”

“So like… a customer service smile?”

Steve grinned, all teeth, eyes shining with amusement in a way that made Eddie feel good, it gave him fuzzies.

“Exactly like a customer service smile, only with you—” Steve had the audacity to boop his nose just to watch the adorable little scrunch it garnered. Eddie couldn’t even be mad, his whole being just kind of tingled at the minimal contact. An alpha touched him. He wanted more. Steve was right next to him, close enough to curl into, that broad chest of his close enough to burrow into and snooze for a while. “I mean it.”

So he did just that. He rolled inwards. Decided Steve’s chest was exactly where he wanted to be and if Steve let him, which he did, the alpha merely letting out a soft, surprised sound, before wrapping an arm around Eddie’s body to hold him there, Eddie would stay. Comfortable. Practically purring in contentment.

He had the best alpha in his nest. He was going to enjoy it dammit!

“I’ve… never had anything of an alpha’s in my nest” he finally admitted into the soft fabric of Steve’s shirt. It made sense. He’d never had an alpha in his life, of course he wouldn’t have had anything of an alpha’s in his nest. “I was just—I just thought that maybe… it’s stupid but—maybe you’d give me something?”

It must have been the right thing to say, because the sweetest smell of cinnamon buns, toasted marshmallows, and the most delightful rumble of a sound seemed to just burst from Steve’s whole being.

The Alpha was pleased. His Alpha. His. Steve was his now. No returns.

Steve squeezed him. Squished him into his chest in a hug. His Alpha was damn near euphoric, it was the right thing to say, right thing to do, and it got him a wonderful hug too. God, Steve had such perfect arms. Perfect chest too, Eddie just wanted to bury his face between those pectorals and stay there.

Which was good because Steve didn’t seem to be keen on letting him go. Good.

“Anything” Steve answered him, tilting his head down to press his face into all those fluffy curls and just breathe. The Omega in his arms crooning softly in delight “I’d give you anything, Eddie… anything you want, it’s yours.”

Steve. He wanted Steve. It felt like such a good time to ask too. Anything, Steve said anything, and Eddie was an opportunistic little shit when he wanted to be, he could ask for anything and Steve would give it to him. Was this what it felt like to be wanted by an alpha? To feel his whole body alight with warmth? It wasn’t even sexual, he just… he felt good.

An immense amount of pleasure that had nothing to do with sex, it was just… like he’d found his spot and didn’t have to leave it. Home. He’d found home.

“Then… can I have you?”

Part 6

[suckinitup]

i wanna think about something soft now and i keep turning back to tide and tidalwave. i think yeah of course he’s slept in other people’s beds before he’s hot and a superhero. people would KILL to jump his bones. but i think that theres something really novel to him about like. the idea of sleeping in someone’s bed just to be near them in like… a romantic way. the trust, the comfort, the wanting to be near your person who also wants to be near you. yea this stuff can also be platonic (hi ghostkicks) but tide i think would really yearn for that fairytale romantic sweetness. he hasnt had that before. related—i dont think tidalwave would be explicit with labelling what they are or what they mean to each other yknow. its something that would sneak up on them. theres sexual attraction, ofc, and that’s what tide chalks everything up to at first. Mark looks at him too long while hes making dinner? its because hes checking him out. Tide’s hand lingers against Mark’s when he passes him a pen? obviously its because of the skin contact. Mark stops tensing every time Tide enters a room? well, okay, thats different. Thats just built up trust. theyre more friends than enemies now. and its obviously just the sexual attraction and residual Villain Alertness that made Tide look at Mark often enough to notice. tide can feel the relationship changing all the time. He isnt stupid. he knows its important when mark drags ashe to the hall of elementals after a storm knocks out the power on their street. he knows it means something when theyre up late at night talking about some threat or the kids or some bullshit and when mark gets up to get coffee he brings tide back a mug. its important how mark takes a sip from each mug before handing tide his, but it’s not important because of safety, anymore—its important because its routine, because its something mark does without thinking even when tide doesnt need that proof of safety. its important because when tide makes dinner mark will mock him for the beef stroganoff or whatever other meal that tide doesnt make as well but mark doesnt seem to think of asking tide to eat from his plate anymore. they wont turn on each other—not like that. Their dynamic is changing, and tide knows its changed when they fight (about the kids or mark’s clone bigotry or WATCH or remnants of overlord’s organization) and though the air crackles and Mark is shouting—tide can see Mark hesitating to genuinely fight him, fists shaking and clenched tight at his side, so tide hesitates too and neither of them throw the first punch.

imagine william fucking around and making the wisps fly through everyone’s hair and is especially fucking around with mark’s and tide keeps laughing. he’d be worried, but he sees the crinkle in mark’s eyes beyond his scowl, laughs harder for it and his heart feels so big and warm. (ashe giggling quietly behind his hands but later that night hes like. “….guys i think my dad has a crush on your dad” because he’d been able to see the softness in that scowl when mark looked at tide)

where am i. right. tide snd mark spending more time together. spending more time in each others spaces. Slow to acclimate into the other’s personal bubble, but making constant, glacial progress until they can sit comfortably next to each other on the couch, practically squished together to make room for the teens who sprawl wildly during movie night. imagine mark starts talking about his wife more. not much, and only to tide, and only in little references (plucking a flower caught on tide’s locs after a battle, quietly noting “she really liked these” before tucking the flower behind tide’s ear). imagine tide, also trying to open up, talking about the lab and his family and. yeah. okay. maybe he Is a little mad about the way he’s treated as a clone. just. something growing between them at such a slowburn pace that william and vyncent have to gag and then bribe dakota (who has suffered ENOUGH from ghostknife) to stop him from shouting “JUST KISS ALREADY” at the top of his lungs.

somethinf something. Imagine a big fight. lasts all day, multiple moving parts, everyone is exhausted. for some reason they cant go back to the hall of elementals—maybe its damaged or something. they go back to marks house, the teens collapse onto the sofa and tide drifts, dizzy, almost dead on his feet into the kitchen to make some coffee. He sits at the table, puts his head on his arms while he waits for the coffee to brew, and is half-conscious enough to register mark coming into the room a few minutes later but Not conscious enough to actually greet him. mark puts one hand on his shoulder. “hey. come on. youre gonna hurt your neck if you sleep like that.” and tide mutters something nonsensical so mark sighs and tugs at him, half-bullying half-pulling tide to his feet. tide stumbles, so mark lets him lean against him as he guides him from the room. they pass the living room and tide sees all the kids passed the fuck out on the couch and something alert and afraid in his brain finally shuts off and he just. he feels safe. and he doesnt think much, but then there’s a warm bed and a soft pillow and he’s so relieved to finally actually sleep.

he wakes up again in the middle of the night pressed against mark’s side, clinging to one of his arms like a koala bear and one of mark’s legs is thrown across his own. theyre close enough to share a pillow—mark’s shoulder practically is tide’s pillow, and mark’s gentle snoring is strangely soothing. unfamiliar, but tide kind of wishes it wasnt. he starts to drift back to sleep but not before he thinks that, maybe, he’s already living in something like a fairytale after all. just one made for a superhero snd a supervillain and their very super children. he smiles and squeezes marks arm a little tighter and goes back to sleep

the next day mark goes and hides in the bathroom for like twenty minutes because god DAMNIT he was so caught up in the thought of tide in his bed fhat he forgot about the MOTHERFUCKING AIR MATTRESS. its deeply embarrassing. ashe will fucking Know. and this isnt a physical pain or a villain thing but it feels like he has to hide it all the same so he starts concocting plans to hide the air mattress or throw it out or tear it to shreds so he can claim he couldnt find it.

tide smiles really sweetly at him over breakfast. and hey, thats weird, and it makes mark’s heart flutter in his chest but he’s been dealing with this stupid crush for a while now he’s just gonna keep on dealing. but then tide asks mark if he can show him something, and mark is confused but like. okay. (he’d almost spat out his coffee because tide had said it so weirdly it almost sounded like a proposition, but then he’d gotten a look at tide’s face (a little shy. Eager. but nothing seductive or indicative of that thought-line) and thought Welp at all the feelings that stirred up before putting them in a little box in his brain. hes too busy to make this thing with tide weird)

anyway tide takes mark to the lake by marks house. lures him into the water. mark is a little baffled but like. Okay. tide makes a bubble for them underwater and they set off, sitting next to each other in this little bubble of air. they talk a little—mark is like woah. powerful. thats hot. hes a little on guard but he cant help but appreciate the way the light flickers over tide, the way it shines in his blue blue eyes. its nice and they talk a little and its one of those intimate moments where its only intimate because they know each other so well. but they finally arrive at a certain point at the bottom of the lake and tide is like. this is where i woke up after the kids threw me in here to protect you. do you remember that. they wanted to put me somewhere that you couldnt reach. and mark is like oh. and theres something to This that is bigger than he was expecting and he’s struggling a little bit and he struggles even more when tide takes his hand (tides hand is warm), lowers their air bubble, and presses the palm of marks hand to the cold (dry) sand. tide says quietly, now youve reached it.

oh. mark says again. and like an idiot, he asks if thats what tide wanted to show him. tide hesitates, then says, even quieter, that no. what he really wanted was to see if mark would let him do this. and he starts to lean in for a kiss.

mark’s fingers curl into the sand and without thinking he puts his hand on tide’s arm. tide stops and mark panics and says, a little breathlessly, “really heroic to proposition a guy when you control all his air.” and tide fucking. panics. rips himself away from mark and goes OH SHIT NO WAIT—

but mark is an asshole and he feels better now that tide is off kilter too, now that theyre on what feels like level footing and he has a bit more control over the situation, and he doesn’t even really feel bad for laughing because when he leans forwards (using his hand on tide’s arm to pull him back) and kisses him, tide clings to him like theyll both drown if he lets go.

they still wouldnt talk about what they are. it doesnt matter, and it would give the teens more ammo to mock them. but they start sleeping in each others’ rooms whenever they go over, and tide gets to have his fairytale romance