#darn you tumblr paragraph limit

[canary3d-obsessed]

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Episode 41, part two

(Masterpost) (Pinboard)  (whole thing on AO3)

Warning! Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!

Nie Mingjue and the Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day

Empathy continues, jumping to Meng Yao and Nie Mingjue's encounter in Nightless City. Once again, let's look at how we saw it the first time around.

In Episode 22, Nie Mingjue unwisely decided to do a stealth advance push on Nightless City, as if "stealth" and "Nie Mingjue" ever belonged in a sentence together. After his inevitable capture, Meng Yao rocks up and says hey.

We cut away to the battle outside and then come back inside where NMJ hits MY with a palm strike.

Meng Yao actually expresses anger for once, knocking NMJ over with a kick, and yelling at him for being rude in front of MY's new boss, Wen Ruohan.

NMJ comes after him again but Wen Ruohan gets involved and the fight turns into NMJ vs. WRH until Nie Mingjue is knocked out. He ends up on the floor surrounded by dead or unconscious Nie cultivators; we don't see, at this time, how they got that way.

(More behind the cut!)

In Episode 41: the encounter in front of Wen Ruohan starts the same way, but Meng Yao taunts Nie Mingjue, fondles his shoulder, and then kills a couple of his wingmen.

Meng Yao--Wen Yao?--has never looked better. He's still rocking Nie braids and Nie colors - with a nice snake pattern trimming his robe. I'd like to say this is evidence of his snakey nature, but the idea that snakes are bad and sneaky is a biblical concept, not a Chinese one.

Anyway the important thing about his look here is that his makeup is gorgeous and his demeanor is totally confident. Unfortunately I can't find the tumblr post that talks about his sassy ex-boyfriend energy in this scene, but it was a wise observation.

Nie Mingjue's sidekicks provoke Meng Yao into killing them - one by insulting the hall they're in, and the next by calling him 走狗-- literally "running dog," but Viki translates it as "lackey."

"Lackey" is a little insulting but it's basically a job description, whereas Meng Yao's reaction to being called "running dog" is more like the way people react to being called "boot licker" in English. I'm not saying it should be translated this way, however - feet have a whole lot of meanings across cultures. I think it could have just been translated "running dog" because by 41 episodes into this show, we have learned that calling someone a dog is rude and insulting, thank you Wen Chao.

Anyhoo, after Meng Yao kills the second dude he asks if anyone else wants to call him 走狗, and Nie Mingjue immediately does. Meng Yao just smiles and has his own lackeys bring Baxia, in a fancy box, to him.

Then he fondles the blade while explaining that he's been spending some quality time with it. Nie Mingjue watches helplessly, unwilling to beg but afraid of whatever's going to happen.

Meng Yao tells him that his Dad's sword was better than his, and asks him to guess how many times WRH will have to strike Baxia to break it. I'm saying "strike," but Viki translates it as "smack" and Netflix translates it as "spank," with questionable results. How many times WILL Wen Ruohan spank it, I wonder?

Meng Yao taunts him some more: Wen Ruohan broke NMJ's father's saber and sent it back to him, which caused him to die of anger. He says this while getting up in NMJ's space and putting on an expression of ecstacy.

NMJ hits him, since that's his solution to everything; Meng Yao gets mad and kicks Nie Mingjue to the floor. It's not clear to me why Meng Yao talks so much shit if he doesn't want to get hit.

Aftermath

The confrontation where Xichen protects Meng Yao is the same as episode 23, up to a point. Nie Mingjue wakes up in Lan Xichen's manly arms and has a moment of happiness before seeing Meng Yao standing by holding Baxia.

NMJ goes to attack him but Lan Xichen protects Meng Yao and explains his whole spying gig -- calling him A-Yao, which has gotta chap Nie Mingjue's ass.

Lan Xichen can block a blow from Baxia one-handed. Hot.

There's a nice parallel here, where Meng Yao uses Lan Xichen as a human shield, similar to Wei Wuxian using Lan Wangji to protect him from Fairy in Episode 34.

Wei Wuxian is, of course, way more handsy about it.

Meng Yao passive-aggressively tells Lan Xichen that he didn't explain his actions because that big meanie Nie Mingjue wouldn't have believed him anyway, and then he kneels in front of Nie Mingjue. That's as much as we got of that whole encounter, in Episode 23.

In Episode 41, after Meng Yao kneels, he explains his situation and said that he only said all that dickish stuff to Nie Mingjue to gain Wen Ruohan's trust, and he's sorry about hurting his feelings.

Nie Mingjue says how about you kneel to those dudes you killed.

Lan Xichen tells Nie Mingjue that yes, A-Yao did horrible things, but I believe that in his heart he… we don't hear the rest because Nie Mingjue interrupts by destroying a lantern, but we don't need to hear the rest because it's the same thing Lan Xichen says all the fucking time; it's become his core belief in the years since.

Meng Yao is surprised that it's the lantern that died and not him, but Nie Mingjue is in an impossible situation. Meng Yao has recruited Xichen so completely to his side that if Nie Mingjue wants to stay friends with LXC, he has to accept Meng Yao . You can see in his face that he knows he's beat.

Continued in part 3!

[oliveroctavius]

your collage on Harry's schizophrenia drives me up the wall, because it's SUCH a cool and well-executed idea and inspires me to try something similar, but comics are so uniquely perfect for it and none of the topics I'd want to focus on are comics. </3

(I guess I don't really have a point to this ask, I just think abt that collage a LOT)

Oh, I absolutely get that frustration, wanting to do something similar with non-comics things!

A comics collage is kind of like an AMV: it lets you relive something you know but cut up to be punchier, and with an additional layer of ideas on top helping reinterpret what you see. Unlike with an AMV, though, the collage makes it equally as easy to use an academic paper as your reinterpretation-medium as it is to use poetry. Or both! At the same time!

The comic format is unique in that... Okay, I'm going to get into an Amateur Media Theory ramble here, so bear with me.

Audio is a one-dimensional medium: you can only go backwards or forwards in it along an axis, and it drags you along at a predetermined speed.

Text is also one-dimensional (there is only one "correct" order in which to read a paragraph), though you can set your own speed.

Images are two-dimensional. Your eye can explore at its own speed up, down, left, or right.

Video is three-dimensional, but the time dimension is not controlled by you (like with audio) and limits your ability to explore each individual image.

The fragmented text of comic books extends some of that user-controlled two-dimensionality to the way you approach words. I can use a combo of comic images + cut-up poetry techniques to change how the reader experiences the texts I'm using as a source.

Anyone writing an essay has to decide on an order in which to introduce their ideas. But what if you wanted to approach your concept as a cloud, or a tree with multiple parallel but contradictory branches? What if you wanted to leave visible gaps in your argument to demonstrate that some parts may be left out on purpose?

I love the idea of "web-weaving" that's popular on tumblr right now. It encourages ideas to be considered together without having to commit to just one linkage or interpretation. Like with comics, it can include images beside text, skipping the necessarily lossy attempts to convert one to the other.

But despite the "web" idea, it's usually presented as discrete chunks of text (or images) for the reader to consider one after another. The reader may construct a web of connections themselves. But in the comics collage, I can show the reader the overlaid jumble of wordless connections, contradictions, and associations much closer to how it appears in my head. High dimensionality, high information density, high creative control--and it all looks pretty darn cool.

[fixzorforever]

Wow, so this is waht messaging in tumblr is like. Weird Space in here, is this space unlimited or limited. How many charcter limits does this Ask Box Allow me to proccess with, will it halt to proccess after so many or would it not care in any of the slightest of instances of having either one character impute or over seven hundred fiftyfive thousand eighty-eight hundred four decimal five tenth. Will the reader stop reading this after having to read that rather silly number, or will they realize that there is a clue to a mysterious puzzle hidden amonst these writhing ashes, will they kick around in search of the other clues and hault and re-read this title block again and again to see the secrets they hast missed. Oh it looks like this text block expands as I continue to create more and more text lines, how enjoyful now I can create full and ensatiated paragraphs in here that lead no where and nothing about everything. Are you still reading with me OP as I write along this haunting pathway leaden with blasted mortars and shells of the previous engagers, or hast thou left moi alone in this perilessnessless journy that only I can summon, and grant myself the immunity of nonscense. As my spelling of the English (mostly) language alters making new words and true words that not even this grammar and spell checking program setup by Tumblr can tell waht I am writing. Now heres for some trivial knowledge that only a person egated with plants and thier historys can enjoy of, Sarcobatus vermiculatus is a species of shrubby flowering plants in the Family of SARCOBATACEAE, Sarcobatus is Greek naming which is to mean Fleshy Brambles, refering to its rather prominent leaves. Native to the Prairie lands right after the British Columbian Cordillera and extending down through the Dry lands of The United States of America. This plant is potentialy the sole species of a genus, as there are only two species in the Sarcobatus genus but that is in debate wether if Sarcobatus baileyi is just a varient of Sarcobatus vermiculatus, but they werent always like this. Before the year of two thousand nine they were apart of the family CHENOPODIACEAE, the Amaranth Family, and still at that point listed as the name as it currently holds but after the Angiosperm Phylogeny Group III it was re-evaluated with the DNA analysis and similar studies to prove that it was likely not of the Amaranth Family but more likely its own as it shows closeness with three other Families, and a potential Sister Taxon, Agdestis, which only holds no answers if Agdestis is actually its own thing and is commonly with uncertainty place in the SARCOBATACEAE group instead of its own. Now Sarcobatus common name is Greasewood, and a specimen was found in the Expedition of Lewis and Clark in North America. It has very tough and durable wood so it was used for Arrow Shafts and Firewood, but dont eat it as it will give you Potassium Oxalate Poisoning (Sheep are Vulnerable to this) it will give you Liver Failure. More interestingly this plant wants Salt and will only grow common in areas of alkaline and saline soils, often in or near stream beds, but its a desert plains plant so it just grows in the anceint salt rivers of the plains, so you can guarantee the area to be not good for growing other non-alkaline loving plants. Huh Wow we got this page fairly long and I still can write, but my text is now being written just above the task bar of my computer, will it go lower I cannot tell you but it does seem to be growing closer to that which lays under. So how was this story here where you learn something that you cannot use ever, fascinating that you sat there and read this entire this that would dictate that nothing of value to you would be found and yet not you still managed to read here. Oh I could simply just scroll a little and have the text continuum continue a little further away from my taskbar darn so it seems that the under siden will not be reached todays or soon. And neat fact is that you read just over 727 words, Text limit is 4096 by the way, so take that with you. Thunder

neat, dunno why you sent this to me, a fixzor blog, and paragraphs would be useful

[platypanthewriter]

Tag game:  Author Meme

Tagged by @awickedplacethisis

Author name:  Peterqpan on Ao3, Platypan or Platypanthewriter here on Tumblr.  Peterqpan was taken, so I had to dredge up a name from some RP group eons ago that invited me and then fizzled?  I think?

Fandoms I write for:  All my stories (except Strangest) started as gifts.  I’ll write nearly anything I’m familiar with.  I like trying my hand at distinctive voices or highly specific AUs! 

Where I post:  Ao3 first, then Tumblr a few days later.

Most popular one-shot:  Blind as a Bat, a silly Superbat story that came from trying to explain a theme of another story, Strangest, in terms my Superbat loving friend would appreciate

Favorite story I wrote:  Ohhh, probably Strangest?  It’s a very personal story.

Story I was nervous to post:  My toe-dip back into writing fic, a late and unsolicited gift for an author I’m friends with, Steve Rogers is confounded by Christmas cookies (and Loki has a cat)   When they liked it, it gave me confidence to offer stories as gifts to my other friends.

How do I choose titles?  With great trepidation.  I’ve managed to get them a little shorter--for a while they all sounded like episodes of Friends, or chapter titles for Winnie-the-Pooh--but really it’s just me writing along trying to think of any idioms that would fit, and hoping something occurs before I have to hit “post” on something titled “That dumb dragon story” ...ahaha

Do you outline?  Exhaustively.  I have no memory at all, so if an image or exchange occurs to me and I don’t jot it down, I’m sunk.  That said, my outlines tend to leave a lot of leeway and have bullet points like

Billy is hungover as hell

Drunk Billy is worried about Steve, did he eat?

Nancy's warming up to Billy REAL fast just because Steve looks less DEAD

Billy rescues Erica somehow--friend’s cat--Eleven explains sexuality talk with Hopper, to Steve’s horror

so it’s not like it’s all that clear, really...I can’t hold a whole story in my head, though, I admire people who can!

Complete:  Oh dear.  Seven fics, I guess?  Seven out of eleven ain’t all bad.  Another incomplete I’ll start posting soon, but I’m hoping to finish it before I start posting, to give myself time to crank another chapter of Strangest out, and finish the Naruto and Hobbit fics I owe my long-suffering BFF.

In progress:  The two aforementioned need finishing and are planned.  Strangest and In Which No One's Imagination Obeys Posted Speed Limits are meandering towards a vaguely plotted conclusion in no particular hurry.  The Keg-King of Elfland’s Sword, which is Harringrove, will hopefully start posting next week, and I’ll post a chapter a week until I run out, at which point we’ll be back to my usual *shrug??* schedule.  Chapters of Strangest take a long time, usually over a month.

Do you take prompts?  I took prompts for the Harringrove for Australia fundraiser.  Maybe very short prompts?  Like a paragraph long?  I could do that.  XD  I have too much on my plate to start taking longer prompts, though, my friends with stories on hiatus will feel unloved!

Upcoming project I’m most excited about:  I’m kind of excited about my Keg-King of Elfland story, if I can get the darned thing written.

Tagging:  @waterhobbit mwahaha @susiecarter @tbehartoo @ihni @brokenpitchpipe *flings baton willy-nilly at innocent onlookers*

[mszegedy]

30 Days of Autism Acceptance: Days 17-26

This is a list of questions by @autie-jake (full list here), where you’re supposed to answer one per day for every day of April. I keep forgetting to do these daily, so here’s all the days since my last post. My last post is here.

April 17: Have you experienced ableism before? If so, how did it feel and how did you handle it?

Yes! Actually, it made my childhood so bad that my brain decided to forget it. So, clearly nothing to write about here.

April 18: Discuss how you felt when you felt when you first learnt you were autistic vs how you feel now.

I’m not good at the whole “remembering how I feel” thing. My memories of my feelings are all semantic memory. I know as a 6th grader I thought autism was super cool and I read a whole autobiography of an autistic savant because I wanted to find out more about it (Born on a Blue Day by Daniel Tammett). After a lot of intense research, I decided that I couldn’t conclusively self-diagnose, and regretfully slinked away back into not understanding or advocating for my needs. Sometime later, an actually autistic coworker of mine looked at me for like five (5) minutes, and was like, “Hey, have you been diagnosed with autism yet?” I’ve since adopted her as my second mom, for that and other reasons. I’ve had very few moments in my life when I was sad to have an autistic trait, and I got over it fairly quickly.

April 19: Talk about scripting. Is scripting something that you normally do? What kind of situations do you have a script for? Does it help you?

People don’t like my apologies, so I have a couple apology scripts saved. Otherwise I tend to just wing it and fail spectacularly. The apology scripts tend to sound… scripted, but they’re better than just doing it myself, I think.

April 20: Discuss stimming. In what ways do you stim? What does stimming mean to you? What do individual stims that you do mean? Do you have any stim toys? What would you like people to know about stimming?

Pressure stims are the most important stims for me. I’m more likely to be squeezing a part of my body than not. If nothing else, I can cross my legs tight and squeeze them together. This doesn’t have any specific function; it’s just something I do that makes me feel better. When I’m stressed, I do it more.

I also do motion stims. Often my way of locomotion is more like dancing. This is a little strange, because I don’t otherwise dance. I always feel happy, relaxed, and in control when I do that. When I’m sad or tired, my feet are too heavy for it. I am also very animate with my hands when I talk. When I taught English in Hungary for the first time, the first question I was asked whether all Americans talk with their hands as much as I do. (I don’t think they do. I have it on good authority from at least one American I trust utterly that the way I use my hands is rather unique.)

I have two improvised stim toys for pressure stimming (a scarf for wrapping very tight around limbs, and a butterknife for applying waves of uniform pressure). I also recently found one of those head scratchy thingies, and now I use it every five minutes or so. It’s a little inconvenient with headphones on, but I’m rather creative with it, anyway. I don’t actually like light touch or tickles, but generally the head scratchy thingy can be given enough pressure to provide a substantial stimulus.

April 21: Give a shoutout to some of your favorite autism blogs/autistic bloggers

UM. HMM. Like 10-50% of the people I follow are autistic, but hell if I can remember any of their handles.

I reblog from @nonbinary-hawke and their native issues-related sideblog @finding-my-culture like multiple times a day but I’m pretty sure they kinda just tolerate me? I’m mostly cut off from the actual native community I’m supposed to be part of (the Siberian one), so I try to follow American native issues with kind of a “not my lane but I’m still sympathetic” vibe, and their blogs are most of my way of keeping in touch. But we have a lot of other random things in common too; similar age, similar neurotype, similar fandoms, etc. So I’m pretty much always gonna have a platonic tumblr crush on them, given that and how much I respect their principles.

@autisticadvocacy is ASAN’s official blog, I think, and it’s always posting useful and relevant articles.

@autisticjoy and @autismisaokay are two blogs I’ve followed for most of my time on tumblr. I get the majority of my autism-related content from them.

@autistic-noodle is the first autism-related blog I ever followed! I highly recommend her; if I haven’t unfollowed her after all this time, then that means that they’ve never reblogged anything that’s triggered me, which is pretty darn impressive.

@bogleech is my favorite webcomic artist, which is a vaunted honor coming from someone with ¾ of a special interest in webcomics. I’m not actually sure if he’s autistic, but he posts enough autism-related content to justify being on this list one way or another.

I’ve definitely learned at least one useful thing from @autisticlifehack. What was it? Who knows?

@autistic-flirting is very cute, if not very active.

Shout out to @tikibats and @dreamfriend, who I actually know IRL.

April 22: What are some social rules that do not make sense to you/that you don't understand?

I’m, uh. Actually not sure? I can usually explain stuff if I think hard enough. There’s some stuff I’ve never bothered to figure out, but none of it’s so pressing that I can actually remember it.

Oh! Actually! One night during freshman year of college, I went to the computer lab to do my homework in a not-at-all-revealing bathrobe. I’ve received several explanations on why this was wrong, but I don’t remember any of them.

April 23: Do you have any internal rules? What are they?

LOTS, wow. If I didn’t have them, I wouldn’t have any shred of consistency whatsoever. I am nothing but these rules. Some of them feel more like strong opinions that can be taken or left, like the ones pertaining to writing style, but even those I follow 99% of the time. They range from really foundational moral ones like, “Everything with a mind intrinsically deserves your friendship and understanding,” and, “Every neurotype deserves to exist,” to, “Always wrap code to 80 columns (unless it’s highly nested like Lisp, in which case consider 100 columns),” and, “When mixing fruit flavor tea, always pour the syrup before the tea.” It’s quite the hodgepodge.

April 24: Talk about community. What does the autistic community mean to you? Is it important? How does it feel?

I haven’t had much of a chance to actually participate in any autistic community yet. I don’t even really participate in the tumblr autistic community. It’s just sorta me, my second mom, and a couple random people I get to see occasionally. (Also, my dad, but we don’t talk about my dad.) Most of my friends are neurodivergent in some way, though, so I’m happy with the people I have. (Not that I don’t enjoy hanging around neurotypical people, too. But it feels good to not have to work to make yourself be understood.)

April 25: Do you know any other autistic people off the internet? Is anyone else in your family autistic or are you the only one? Do you wish you knew more?

See yesterday’s answer! I wouldn’t do this if I were doing these day by day, but I’m totally justified here, because it’s literally the previous paragraph.

April 26: In what ways can allistic people better accommodate you and other autistic people? What would you consider helpful?

It’s a broad question. My mom has been getting better at not punishing me for my autistic traits, but the other day she still antagonized me for stimming at the dinner table. (I’m 22. Nearly 23.) So it’d be great if she didn’t do things like that. Not even gonna talk about what my dad could do better. (The ways he does accomodate me seem unintentional.)

Outside of that, I appreciate it when people give me very clearly-worded instructions, broken down into small steps, with every possible detail specified. I appreciate it even more when those instructions are in written form, because I can only remember two or three of those when they’re spoken aloud.

I appreciate it when food places with complex menus have the option to just sit down with the menu, without a time limit, and make up your order. Sandwich and wrap places, like Subway, make me very uncomfortable for reason; Subway has an extremely combinatorically complex menu, and you’re expected to make up your order while they’re making the sandwich. I’d like to spend some time staring at a sheet with each sandwich ingredient listed and explained, and the ways they can be combined, first.

The current switch to online classes has been great for my ability to understand lectures, and terrible for my ability to do classwork and homework. Hearing the lecture through headphones circumvents most of my auditory processing issues, and seeing the lecture slides clearly circumvents most of my attention issues. But when it comes to doing classwork and homework, executive dysfunction rules me. I do wish my executive dysfunction were better accomodated for even in the case of normal classes (and probably careers), but it’s hard to guess what form that would take. I’ve run out of brainpower for good ideas.

For the rest of the month I will do these questions daily, one at a time. Hopefully.

[tabithasomeday]

I don’t think I look broken.

There's something wrong with me. With my mind.

Not that I'm trans. That's a problem with my body, and I'm taking care of that, to the extent that I can. 

I remember standing on the roof. There was no railing for safety. It wasn't that kind of roof. But it was flat, and solid, and safe. I don't remember exactly how tall the building was. At least five stories, probably no more than ten. I don't even remember why I was up there.

I wondered what it would be like to stand on the edge and look down. Like I said, it was nice and solid, safe as could be. So I walked toward the edge.

As I approached it, I slowed. That just makes sense, of course. No point in charging over a precipice. But when I was almost there, I stopped. From there I could get a real sense of the height. Just another foot and a half and I'd be standing right on the edge. It would be cool.

I couldn't move.

That's not true. I could step backward. I could move my arms. I could turn around. But I couldn't get any closer to the edge.

I wasn't scared. At least, it didn't feel like I was scared. I've been afraid many times, but that's not what this felt like. I just couldn't step closer. I must have tried for close to five minutes. No good.

Then I sat down, and scooted to the edge. That, I could do. I even dangled my feet over the edge. Looking down gave me a little bit of a weird feeling in my stomach, but nothing much. When I was ready to leave, I had to scoot back gain before i could stand.

That's not the problem, either, of course.

The problem, at least the one I'm most concerned with right now, is my near-inability to initiate communications with people. To ask for, or even offer, help. Just to strike up a conversation. I want to. I want to so often. But I'm standing near the edge of that roof, and I can't take a step forward.

I recently read an article about some lesser known aspects of ADHD. Only one of them was new to me. Rejection sensitive dysphoria, an intense vulnerability to the perception – not necessarily the reality – of being rejected, teased, or criticized by important people in your life. At first, I skimmed over that last prepositional phrase, and thought "That's it. That's what I've got. Great. I mostly dodged _gender_ dysphoria, and now this." I figured that it was fear of rejection that was keeping me from initiating conversations. But I don't think that's it.

I mean, I'm definitely ADHD. Big time. And I probably do take rejection too hard. But I'm actually pretty darn good at handling criticism. And my problem initiating interactions is not limited to people who are important to me.  It's with virtually anyone, with a few exceptions.

I can do things that are formulaic. I can talk to cashiers and wait staff. Bank tellers. That sort of thing. The weirdest one is that I can strike up random conversation with complete strangers when I'm standing in line, or in some similar situations.

This makes me a crappy friend. I've got most aspects of the whole friend thing down. I am there if needed. I'm rarely unresponsive. I'm a great listener. And, once I'm involved in a conversation, I'm fine at it. I love just chatting on a billion different subjects (as long as I don't feel like I'm asking for anything). But I can't initiate. I can't reach out. Not to talk. Not to ask for help. Not even to offer help.

It's not total. I can, very rarely, come at it sideways, and reach out. I love my siblings. I enjoy their company, and enjoy talking to them. We live in the same city (my parents, too), and our family used to have fairly frequent family get togethers at my parents' house. Then my parents passed away. And I stopped seeing them very often at all. I wanted to see them, but I couldn't reach out. Not even to see how they were doing.

Finally, I got myself to reach out and set up a regular meal with each of them individually, once very two weeks. So now I get to see them on a fairly regular basis. I can reach out to confirm the meal with no problem. Somehow that's different. But I wouldn't be able to reach out and set one up again and again, as individual events. I know. I tried.

And reaching out to a group is somehow marginally easier. If I'm just putting a proposal out there, for a get together, or asking a general question, I can sometime do that, although it's really hard.

There have been situations where it was easier. When I was part of a screenwriters' group, I became part of a subgroup of those folks who sometimes got together to play poker. I was able to offer up my place for a game several times. I think that it was because I was essentially just offering to take my turn. I don't know. I can leave supportive notes on Tumblr sometimes. I can, less often, make the occasional reply on twitter. Again, I don't know why I can do those things.

This hasn't just made maintaining friendships hard. It's a big part of why I never dated until I was in my thirties. It wasn't that I didn't want to. I just couldn't approach the people I was interested in. The first woman I finally got the nerve up to ask out told me she'd just about given up on sending signals*. She's the only person I ever asked out for a first time in person. Every other woman I dated I met through online dating. Even that was difficult. It wasn't the online part that made it doable. I think it was the sure knowledge that that's why people were their. As long as I wasn't an asshole, I could be sure I wasn't doing something wrong.

The whole reason I'm typing this up is to help me process. If I end up posting it, it's because I haven't posted anything in a while. But the previous paragraph has reminded me of the way I have thought about the problem in the past. I don't know if its rationalization, or if it is an actual cause, but sometimes when I'm trying to get myself to reach out, I eventually start thinking about the reasons I shouldn't. I don't want to disturb the person. I don't want to upset the person. I don't want to inconvenience them. I don't want them to feel obligated.

I might buy that those are my real reasons when I want to ask for help, or I want to just talk. But how does that work when I want to offer help? Would any of those really be an issue. And I know I would never mind a friend just texting me or calling me up to see if I wanted to do something, or talk. Why do I feel like it would be a problem if I did? It doesn't make sense. So it feels more like part of me just trying to justify the fact that I am not taking another step toward that edge.

What I can do is hurl my words into the void. I can post here on Tumblr. I'm not asking anything of anyone here. I'm not offering anything to anyone. I'm not demanding anyone's attention. If you read this, it's because you chose to do so.

But their are people out there whose attention I want. People I want to talk to. To interact with. And I can't. And it makes me feel broken and helpless. Even worse is when I manage to make pathetic, half-assed attempts and they go nowhere. Ugh.

I had a foolish and vain hope that coming out would help. Maybe it was because I didn't feel comfortable with the person I was pretending to be, and it would get easier once I could be myself.

Ha.

Luckily, that's not _why_ I came out. I came out because I needed to be me. And am I better off for coming out? Undoubtedly. I wouldn't take that back for the world. If you're reading this, you've probably seen some of my selfies. The most common comment I've gotten in the various places I've posted selfies, and in person for that matter, is how happy I look. And I am, most of the time. Happier than I have been for the large majority of my life. But there is a hole. And it makes me sad sometimes.

[profoundgardenertree-blog]

Fairfax Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 22036

"Fairfax Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 22036

Fairfax Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 22036

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://salecarinsurance.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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Fairfax Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 22036

Fairfax Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 22036

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Can I lose in small claims court if I got into a accident that wasn't my fault, but I didn't have insurance?""

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Fairfax Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 22036

Fairfax Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 22036

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What is the cheapest insurance for a 19yr old?

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I live in southern California. I recently called my bank about refinancing my mortgage. I was advised if I refinance, the PMI insurance I pay will go from $168 to about $340 or something. In other words, by lowering my rate, my PMI goes up. Is this true? I would assume the PMI would lower or stay the same since its now easier to make payments. Please advise...""

""What is the average price of Nissan Micra and Tiida (including tax,insurance,etc...) in India?""

What is the average price of Nissan Micra and Tiida (including tax,insurance,etc...) in India?""

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Cheap car to insure at 17years old?

Hi, I was wondering if someone could help me. Ok, When I'm 17 I'm intending getting a car straight away and putting it onto my dads name. (he has been driving over 30years so it should be cheaper atleast a few hundred - his is like 300 per 6month's driving a 1.8 litre Ford Focus) Anyways - I have enough money to get my driving lessons completely paid for and passed (ofcourse as I was promised for it to be paid) and I have a few thousand left in the bank Anyways - I was wondering if someone could recommend a car for me. I'm into like these kind of cars: Vauxhall Corsa Vauxhall Vectra (the 05 type) Vauxhall Astra (the new kind of hatchback (05 again I think) Ford Mondeo 2001 Ford Fiesta (I love those modified but not for a first car!) Fiat Punto 2005 Seat Ibiza I know nearly everyone will be saying the Corsa is the least to insure of which I know it is (Insurance group 1 I think) but.. Its just not my sort of car for my first car but I would like to have it later in life. I'm 15 the Now (16 in March) and my dads covered with E-Sure. What car would be best to insure (In order)""

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What is the cheapest insurance company?

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My house is now worth substantially more than it was when I purchased it a few years ago. At the time of purchase, I had the house insured for the appraised value. Now it is worth tens of thousands more. I'm concerned that I would lose all of this equity if there was a disaster like fire that destroyed the building. Is it wise to increase the amount of coverage now and if so, is it usually neccessary to have another appraisal done or do insurance companies simply allow a homeowner to get coverage in any amount they desire?""

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2001 ford mustang, 2005 chevy cobalt, 2003 chevy impala, 2000 chevy blazer, and a 2002 chevy camaro. Put them in order from most expensive to least expensive based on insurance and gas. I am an almost 16 year old guy, if that helps! thanks!""

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Almost five years ago I got my license suspended in Ohio for a wreckless endangerment. As soon as it got suspended I did the classes I was required to take and paid my court fees. It took me a few years to pay all of my fines and the only thing keeping my license from being re-instated was the need for SR22 insurance. I never got the insurance. I'm now in California and looking to get my license back and I heard somewhere that three years after the suspension the need for the SR 22 bond drops, but I'm not sure if that's true or not? Does anyone know the laws for this situation in Ohio and will I still need to get the insurance in order to get my license unsuspended?""

Can anyone tell me Obama's discount rate for Health Insurance?

He states healthcare will be affordable for everyone? What %age discount will we get? How much will insurance be (per month) for those battling chronic diseases that cost in the tens of thousand of $ each month? Do you think those people denied, due to preexisting health conditions, will be able to afford insurance now?""

UK Car insurance in-between switching cars?

To keep things simple I am calling the current car I have Car A and the new car as Car B. I have insurance that runs out on CAR A in 2 months time which I want to keep on the basis that I don't want to lose my no claims bonus for this current year by cancelling the insurance. I was planning to switch cars in 2 months anyway but have found CAR B at a very competitive price with all the extras I need. (Car B comes taxed and MOTd). I currently cant change my policy from car A to car B as the provider says the update will increase my premium to over 2000 just for the remaining 2 months! I am a young driver so I am not able to get temporary car insurance either. My question is what are my options other than simply buying car B now and letting it sit on the driveway for 2 months waiting for my current policy to expire? E.g.is it possible to take out insurance on car B without NCB now and add ncb 2 months after the policy has started? Any other loop holes you clever poeple can think of?

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I'd like to get the windshield fixed, but I'm concerned the amount I save by having the insurance company pay for it will be less than the extra amount I might end up paying in increased fees. Should I just pay to replace it myself, avoid reporting it and not risk increased insurance payments?""

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i live in ny, i have a 1998 Honda accord lx, quotes from the big name insurance companies is 250-300 dollars a month, which i can afford, but its really cutting into my income, is there anywhere i can get insurance for like 150 a month, i only want state minimum required insurance liabilities""

What are the minimum state requirements for car insurance in california?

What are the minimum state requirements for car insurance in california?

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Is insurance cheaper when you live in a built up area or in the countryside?

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I would like to know the total living costs... Plus food, gas, insurance, electricity, everything... Like the average cost... I know the apartment would be $460, I already found one, but I don't know how much it would be for everything else included.""

What is the minimum pricing for teenage car insurance?

ok, my car is a 1978 Ford Fairmont. I am 17, the car's previous coverage was basic liability. the limits i want for the car is just pretty much basic liability. i just want to be legal on the road. no fancy extras added to the policy, just basic coverage. the car so far hasn't gotten into any car wrecks. it's practically in perfect condition. this is my first car and i just got my license. I'm not aware of my credit score for i've just started working part-time. Also, i'm a very good student. My current GPA is 3.57and i'm still in high school, 12th grade. and yes, i've finished drivers education coarse. Please, if anyone can help me in finding a good car insurance company for my beautiful Miss Daisy, and the possibly price of how much it will cost for basic liability i would greatly appreciate it.""

Multiple auro insurance for vehicles in different states?

Me and my fiancee are relocating to different states for new job. I am moving to south Carolina and she is moving to san diego, California. We have multiple vehicle insurance discount now. If we move is it better to register both vehicles in one state to save on insurance , title and registration. I heard it is expensive to register vehicles in california. Can I register the vehicle in my name in south carolina. she is going to be there working at UCSD and the stay is temporary (max 2 years) or is it against the law?""

Car insurance from another country?

is it legal or can it be done..? if i live in the UK can i join a French / German / Spanish car insurance firm in there own country's,and still drive on British roads? im sick to death of paying over the odds prices in this corrupt country its a joke . been driving for 12 years with no claims and they still want 1.500 for a 1.3 brava. so is it my human right to choose one from another country..?? bit like the woman landlord ordering the football from another country cheers""

Where can I get the best Auto Insurance Quotes?

My semi-annual auto insurance renewal is coming up. I've shopped before and I think I'm already getting a damn good rate, but still I'd like to try to get an even better rate. I've tried both Geico and Progressive, and both quoted me over $200 higher per year than I already pay. Any other good suggestions? This would be for coverage in California.""

Inexpensive car insurance for person driving MUCH less than 2000 miles a year?

My brother is on disability income and has about $600 a month to live on. He really needs to have a car because he lives in a rural area and there is no public transportation whatsoever.He doesn't have much money for gas, but the insurance is really the killer, it's about $150 a month at state farm (and he insures his home with that company also). does anyone know any good options for him to save money? Is it legal if he just ditches the car and the insurance and drives one of my cars some of the time, or is that fraud? He does not drive to work or school, only to get groceries/prescriptions etc. The county workers just roll their eyes and sigh and say transportation is a problem.And they don't help. Can I add him to my policy? He's in the same zip code, about 8 miles away. He already doesn't have collision or comprehensive, it's an old car.And he has great credit and no accidents/moving violations. Thanks for any help you can give!""

Fairfax Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 22036

Fairfax Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 22036

How much is Car Insurance in South Florida?

My husband and I are buying a second home in Florida. I am 42 and he is 52. Clean driving records no points only need liability on one 98 Ford Explorer and full coverage on a 2006 Ford Focus. Just an estimate would be great. Thanks

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My husband is 26 yrs old and he bought whole life insurance. I tried to tell him to get term sicne we are so young, but he wouldn't listen. Can anyone help me?""

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I have few rental properties in NJ and looking for an insurance company that provides landlord's insurance policies. I will appreciate if you could arrange to send me few names of insurance companies. Thanks

Where i can get very cheapest motorcycle insurance?

i bay a motorcycle and my dad don't agree to give some money for my insurence

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- Full Time student with decent grades (will be better when my latest semester grades are recorded) got - a Honda Accord 2 dr coupe - I got a ticket before that was failure to observe signal - I only want to insure this one, and its only me T""

What is the best car insurance company for 1st time drivers UK?

Hi, I am 24 and I have had my lisence for about 6 months now! Insurance is soooooo high for this age range and not having much previos experience. What insureers would you suggest to first time drivers? Thanks""

Can i use other family members cars on my insurance?

Hi all, i have full comprehensive insurance with the cooperative but im a young driver, so i have a smartbox in my car. Will i still be able to driver another family members car on third party only, or am i not allowed as i drive with a smart box? Thank You""

2005 Pontiac G6 GT Insurance?

I have a 05 G6 GT. I am an 18 year old male living in kansas and I want to know how much monthly insurance should be? It is a 4 door car.

Need clarification on liability insurance?

I drive my dads car which is in his name and insured in his name. I got a speeding ticket driving a different rental car. The rental car has since been returned. I'm now taking defensive driving and the court requires proof of liability insurance. Do I send them my dads insurance or contact the rental company or what? Please only respond if you're sure of your answer.

Speeding ticket in california?

i got my first speeding ticket i was going 55 on a 45 how much would that cost me? and also it wasnt my car it was my parents car but i dont live with them so will there insurance go up???

Anyone know of an affordable auto insurance that is nationwide?

small companies/ customer friendly , with a website""

""Moving to Toronto Canada, Need Car Insurance?""

I am moving to toronto, canada and looking to see what company provides the best coverage for the lowest cost as I understand insurance is privatized in Toronto.""

Buying a new auto insurance policy on a used car?

So im buying my first auto insurance policy (my parents dont want to add me to theirs) for my car. Will i have to pay the premium up front, or will i have to pay in 6 month installments?""

Life Insurance form help for school?

Does anyone know where I can view a blank life insurance policy format? I have a report for school and need to make a fake life insurance policy.....help!

Best Maternity related insurance in California?

Hi, I work as a consultant and looking for a best medical insurance for my spouse for pregnancy in California. Though we have insurance, not sure if its the best in this state. She is not yet pregnant. What would be the average charges for a good medical insurance in this state for pregnancy. Your answers highly appreciated.""

How much will this ticket bring up the car insurance?

My boyfriend is 17 and getting his license. About a year ago, (last summer) when he just had his temps, he was driving without a parent and speeding in the middle of the night. The speed limit was 65 and he was going 104... He got caught by the police and had to go to court but he got off easy and they didn't give many charges. They let him off really easily actually. He just got his license delayed for 3 months, so he had to wait 3 more months to get it. That was all that happened though. So now he's all worried about how high his insurance will be and how many points will be added on his license and stuff. Like how much higher will his insurance go up? He lives in Ohio. &He's not a bad kid or anything.. he was just messing around with a few friends one night and they just so happened to get caught...""

Asking all female drivers under 25- Whats a cheap car insurer?

Asking all female drivers under 25!! Does anyone know of or have been with any cheap car insurance companies? Ive already checked quite a few but they seem really expensive...Please help!

Is there such a thing as life insurance class?

Like a class you have to take when first getting life insurance

Is moped insurance cheaper than car insurance?

i need an easier way to get around town but until i can afford a car i was thinking if i learned to ride a scooter instead it might make things more simple but are they cheaper to run than cars

How much would car insurance be for a 17 year old on a volkswagen golf 1.9 GTI?

like the min price?

Help with car insurance?

i have a driving licence but do not own a car so i have no insurance of my own. if my friends mum offered to lend me her car for a few hours could i drive it through her insurance if she is fully comp and she gave me permission to drive it? and if i was to get pulled over by the police what would happen ?

National insurance for under 16s?

If a 14 year old set up an online business in england, when it comes to paying taxes how can they fill in the tax form if the don't have a national insurance number. Can a 14 year old have a national insurance number??""

New Car Insurance?

I have a little 2001 Saturn SL2 and I'm on my oldest sisters policy and it runs around $350 a month for both of us (I'm only 18 and she has like a 5 or 6 speeding tickets). My saturn is nothing but a big dent in my walllet so I've found a 2004 Hyundai Santa Fe that I want to get but my main concern is how much would my insurance go up? Would it be a drastic change since the my car is 2001 and the SUV I want is a 2004? SUV are more expensive when it comes to insurance and with it being a 2004 I'm a little worried. I haven't been in wreck and I don't have a speeding ticket to my name.

""What could be small, lasts forever, has expensive insurance, and there are 12 or 13 to choose from?""

What could be small, lasts forever, has expensive insurance, and there are 12 or 13 to choose from?""

I need advice on car insurance?

what would be a really really cheap car to insure? i just need liability insurance. i need a car or truck but im worried about how much it will cost to insure. any advice on really cheap insurance on any certain car would be greatly appreciated. if you also know any car insurance providers that offer low rates i would like to know that as well. thank you

Fairfax Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 22036

Fairfax Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 22036

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