#I don't even know where to begin in explaining it

[osakanone]

you need to explain that experience predates language that language exists only as a way to transmit experience via abstraction but that experience itself is not abstract.

You cannot experience being stabbed until it has happened to you.

You can see it happen to others. You can know you don't want it. You can fear it. That's still not the same as getting stabbed.

Now getting stabbed for something?

Same again. As much as it may shock some, humans find motive compelling when attached to action.

Any what can be shouldered by someone with a why.

Buy the why? You can transmit the abstract but not the real. Even if I convince someone all I've done is compel them to build their own experiences if they are able to or become trusted because what I said made human sense.

The abstract is still reason enough to be a good person, but that's trusting the why of your bretherin to live experiences you cannot and vice verca.

It is the foundation of society, of truth and of justice. It is where love is born and how we begin to do care.

But it is still not the same.

Part of coming to terms with your humanity is learning to accept that we are all not the same and that we're actually not equal in circumstance but we deserve fairness and goodness even so.

We can empathize but we cannot live one anothers life. Consumerism insists you can have it all but that's not how reality works. What we do with what we have is what really matters.

"You can't have [experience] because you don't identify as [label]!!!" how do I explain to people that experiences exist outside of and prior to the formation of specific language to talk about them

"You can't have [experience] because you don't think of it through [framework/explanation/etc]!!!" how do I explain to people that experiences exist outside of and prior to any formal cosmology, hypotheses, or explanation assigned to them

[jungwnies]

sfw alphabet | park sunghoon (en-)

୨ৎ : synopsis : sfw a-z alphabet for park sunghoon

୨ৎ : word count : 1366

୨ৎ masterlist ୨ৎ

(a/n) : don't forget to like & reblog !! my requests are open!

a ⤖ affection (how affectionate is he? how often does he show affection?)

sunghoon might not be the type to shout his love from the rooftops

but his affection is a quiet fire that burns steadily.

he'll leave you little notes hidden in your pockets

remember your favorite flower and surprise you with it "just because"

and his eyes will hold a special warmth when he looks at you.

b ⤖ beginning (what would he be like as a bsf; how would the friendship start?)

imagine bumping into him at a cozy café, both reaching for the same book on the shelf his dry wit and unexpected humor would draw you in

you'd find yourselves talking for hours, discovering a shared passion for music, art, or maybe even the quiet beauty of a snowy day.

c ⤖ cuddles (does he like to cuddle; how would he cuddle?)

oh, he absolutely loves to cuddle. picture this: a rainy sunday afternoon, soft blankets, and sunghoon holding you close, his chin resting on your head as you both get lost in a movie.

he'd be the perfect big spoon, his embrace a safe haven where you can let go of all your worries.

d ⤖ domestic (does he want to settle down; how good is he at cooking and cleaning?)

while he thrives in the spotlight, a part of him longs for the quiet comfort of a home with you.

he'd be surprisingly good at keeping things tidy, maybe even a bit of a neat freak.

cooking might be a learning curve, but he'd be eager to try new recipes with you, turning kitchen mishaps into laughter-filled memories.

e ⤖ ending (if he had to break up with you; how would he do it?)

breaking up would be his absolute last resort.

if it came to that, he'd do it with the utmost respect and honesty.

he'd choose a quiet place where you could talk privately, his eyes filled with sincerity and regret as he explained his reasons.

he wants to make sure you know it's not your fault.

f ⤖ fiance (how does he feel about commitment; would he want to get married quick?)

commitment is not something he takes lightly.

he'd want to be absolutely sure before proposing, ensuring that you're both ready for a lifetime together.

he wouldn't rush into marriage, but when he finally gets down on one knee, it would be a moment filled with deep love and a promise of forever.

g ⤖ gentle (how gentle is he; emotionally + physically?)

sunghoon's gentleness is woven into his very being.

he'd handle your heart with the care of a sculptor, always mindful of your feelings.

his touch would be feather-light, a whisper against your skin that sends shivers down your spine.

h ⤖ hugs (does he likes hugs; how often does he hug you; what are his hugs like?)

his hugs are rare but precious, a silent language of love.

he'd pull you close when you need it most, his arms a warm cocoon that melts away your stress.

his hugs would linger, a quiet moment of connection that speaks volumes.

i ⤖ i love you (how fast does he say he loves you?)

those three little words would be sacred to him.

he'd wait until the moment feels perfectly right

j ⤖ jealousy (how jealous does he get; what does he do when he is jealous?)

he's not the possessive type, but a flicker of jealousy might cross his face if someone gets a little too close.

he wouldn't make a scene, but he might subtly pull you closer or hold your hand a little tighter, a silent reminder that you're his.

k ⤖ kisses (what are his kisses like; where does he like to kiss you; where does he like to be kissed?)

his kisses are slow and tender, savoring every moment.

he'd adore kissing your forehead, a gesture of affection and protection.

he'd melt under your kisses on his jawline, a secret spot that sends shivers down his spine.

l ⤖ little ones (how is he around children?)

he might seem a bit awkward at first, but his playful side would emerge around children.

he'd be patient and kind, engaging them in imaginative games and making them laugh with silly faces.

m ⤖ morning (how are mornings spent with him?)

mornings with sunghoon would be slow and peaceful.

he'd wake you up with soft kisses and whispered "good mornings," followed by a leisurely breakfast in bed

definitely enjoying each other's company before the day begins.

n ⤖ night (how are nights spend with him?)

nights would be a blend of quiet intimacy and shared passions.

you might find yourselves curled up on the couch, lost in a good book, or sharing headphones as you listen to your favorite music

but the silence is 100% filled with unspoken affection.

o ⤖ open (when would he open up; does he say everything at once or does he wait to reveal himself?)

he'd open up like a blooming flower, slowly revealing his deepest thoughts and feelings as your bond deepens.

late-night conversations would become a sanctuary where you share your dreams and vulnerabilities

p ⤖ patience (how easily angered is he?)

his patience runs deep

he'd approach conflicts with understanding and a willingness to listen

always seeking a peaceful resolution.

q ⤖ quizzes (how much would he remember about you; does he remember every little detail; or is he forgetful?)

he'd be a keeper of your secrets, big and small.

he'd remember the way you take your coffee, your favorite song lyrics, and the story behind that tiny scar on your knee.

your life would be etched in his memory, a testament to his love and attention.

r ⤖ remember (what is his favorite moment in the relationship?)

his favorite moment might be the first time you looked at him with pure, unguarded love in your eyes

in that moment he knew he was falling for you just as hard as you were falling for him.

s ⤖ security (how protectice is he; how does he protect you; how would he like to be protected?)

he'd be your silent guardian, always looking out for you, whether it's holding your hand as you cross a busy street or defending you against unkind words.

he'd appreciate a partner who offers him emotional security, a safe space where he can be vulnerable without fear of judgment.

t ⤖ try (how much effort does he put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

he believes in quality over quantity.

dates would be thoughtfully planned, anniversaries celebrated with heartfelt gestures, and gifts chosen with your personality in mind.

he'd show his love through everyday acts of kindness, from making you breakfast in bed to surprising you with your favorite takeout after a long day.

u ⤖ ugly (what are some of his bad habits?)

he might be a bit too hard on himself sometimes

always striving for perfection in everything he does.

he might also overthink things, getting lost in his own thoughts.

v ⤖ vanity (how concerned is he with his looks?)

he takes pride in his appearance, but it's more about self-care than vanity.

he understands the importance of looking his best

w ⤖ whole (would he feel incomplete without you?)

while he values his independence, you'd become an essential part of his life

for him, you're a source of joy and strength.

he'd cherish your presence, your laughter filling the spaces in his heart he didn't know existed.

x ⤖ xtra (random headcanon for him)

he secretly writes you love poems in his spare time, hiding them away in a special notebook

y ⤖ yuck (what are some things he wouldn't like; in general or in a partner?)

he wouldn't like dishonesty, rudeness, or people who try to pressure him into things he's not comfortable with.

in a partner, he'd value kindness, understanding, and a shared passion for life.

z ⤖ zzz (what are his sleeping habits?)

he might be a cuddler in his sleep, subconsciously seeking your warmth and comfort.

he might also talk in his sleep occasionally, murmuring sweet nothings that make your heart melt.

2021-2024 © jungwnies on tumblr | All rights reserved. Do not repost, plagiarize, or translate.

[mandalhoerian]

I love your analysis on Rafayel, I thought there was something wrong with me not understanding his card! If it's not too much to ask, can you break down his final dialogue? I don't get his point. why is he suddenly bringing up love when this has been about art? Isn't he saying that the love he feels is also bringing him pain, isn't this a bad thing😅 Is it just me 😅 I feel crazy... You can ignore this if you want no hard feelings

the said analysis on intertidal zone for people who haven't seen it!

first of all, please don't be hard on yourself for not understanding, you're okay! this was me too. i got you!

"i once stubbornly believed only pain could bring me inspiration. I traveled far and wide in search of it. Pain that inspires me, I mean. Like a sea that's about to dry up. The art of creation is part of my life. You made me realize love and art are so alike. Even if they don't complete me but burn me instead, I still want them with every fiber of my being."

but before i can explain this fully, I want to go take a few steps back and go into what he previously revealed. I swear it makes sense to start from the beginning, trust me. spoiler alert, I've discovered something you guys. (@pasdenomadonner you can put this on reddit too if you'd like!!)

"actually i was here last time for an exhibit and i found myself in the same situation."

this could refer to either his fever, or his lack of inspiration, or both. the next line confirms that he was going through creative block, though -> "as far as i know, this is the longest time my mind's been like a blank sheet of paper."

and mc says, "you mean you can't draw?"

I totally missed this before & thought it was a tangent that came out of nowhere. But what Rafayel did is that, without words, showing her that he was in fact able to fix his inspiration issue the last time. This isn't a random reveal that the ocean and desert painting belonged to him all this time. It says that his trip to here fixed his creative block and the piece he made from the inspiration he got from Aridum made it to the memorial hall. He's saying, "No no, I could draw."

He's come here again for guaranteed inspiration hit. He's basically saying his trip here didn't work this time around and this isn't doing anything for him, despite the tragedy all around him.

Do you know what this means? STAY WITH ME NOW, STAY WITH ME.

because this ties DIRECTLY to him saying "i stubbornly believed only pain could give me inspiration" -- so, if only pain gives him inspiration, why can't he draw now? why is his mind blank? Is he not getting his inspiration from pain anymore? What will he do now, then? THAT'S what he's struggling with.

NOW we can dive into the rest of the final dialogue.

1. “The art of creation is part of my life.”

This line sets the stage. Rafayel isn’t just saying art is important to him, it’s essential. Not a hobby. Art isn’t just a thing he does, it’s who he is.

What he’s really saying here is: “Art is a core part of my identity. Without it, I’m not me.”

2. “You made me realize love and art are so alike.”

Here’s the pivot. It's so confusing at first glance because you expect him to elaborate in "What way?" But I believe Rafayel is setting the stage to make a direct comparison between art--this thing he just declared essential to his life--and love not just by commenting on their similarities but by implying that love (MC) is just as essential as art.

Think about what this means for someone like Rafayel:

Art has always been his way of processing the world, expressing himself, and finding meaning. It’s his lifeline.

By comparing love to art, he’s saying that MC has brought something into his life that feels equally vital, equally irreplaceable.

He’s realizing that MC, like art, isn’t just something that happens to him--it’s something he needs.

3. “Even if they don’t complete me but burn me instead...”

This is where it gets personal and raw. Rafayel doesn’t see art or love as things that “fix” him or make him whole. Instead, he sees them as forces that challenge him, consume him, and demand something from him.

“Burn me instead”: The idea of burning here isn’t necessarily negative, perhaps. It’s could be about intensity and being consuming. Both art and love push Rafayel to his limits, force him to confront himself, and sometimes hurt him in the process. But he’s okay with that. The burn isn’t a deterrent--it’s a part of what makes these things so meaningful to him.

In essence, he’s saying: Even if art and love aren’t easy, even if they don’t make me feel whole or safe, I still want them. I still need them.

4. “I still want them with every fiber of my being.”

This line drives the point home, circling back to how he said they were "alike". Rafayel isn’t just tolerating the burn--he’s choosing it. He wants art and love, not because they’re perfect or painless, but because they’re what give his life meaning. Remember his "Addictive Pain" anectode? I don't think he dislikes this kind of "pain" but MC isn't in a place to understand what he means yet is my takeaway.

YEAH?. YEAH. I'M DOING LAPS IN MY ROOM HE'S SO. HE'S SOOOOOO. AND I'M SO SLOW, I DIDN'T GET ALL OF UNTIL LATER, LIKE HOW THE LAST TIME HE WAS ABLE TO BE INSPIRED BY ARIDUM DURING CREATIVE BLOCK BUT NOT ANYMORE. "Why is he bringing up love all of a sudden. Weren't we just talking about art?" was such a raw connection he was trying to pull and it flew right over my head.

And understanding the burning thing quite literally I imagine, LIKE I WAS DOING, MC is like

he's such a tortured artist

anyway. I hope I was able to help, anon. It's thanks to you I went in and discovered these new things. Why is it always Rafayel. I feel like local tumblrina discovering media literacy for the first time, I swear I'm good at consuming media it's him making things difficult (even though me personally I've made my peace with having a peanut for a brain that runs on brainrot)

[nikethestatue]

No, no, you don't understand how big this is!

"What if the Cauldron was wrong?"

"Why not make them mates?"

"If I were you, I would keep that question from Lucien."

"I don't want a mate. I don't want a male."

We have two individuals who outwardly question the Cauldron. Both times, to Rhysand. First it was Feyre, who is not very knowledgeable in the ways of the Cauldron and in mate bonds, not really understanding how it works. The first thing that Rhys does is that he warns her not to raise the question with Lucien, who is a newly mated male. The second thing Rhys does is that he begins to explain the ramifications of societal pressures of the mate bond and how even with terrible bonds, most couples would try to 'work it out'. And accept it. (Sounds a bit like a battered spouse syndrome. He/she will change! or 'we are staying together for the kids!')

The next time, it's Azriel who questions the Cauldron and the mate bond assignation. He says this in front of Rhys, and then Rhys--knowing that Azriel is fully aware of the SOCIETAL expectations--goes on a fairly angry rant about political ramifications.

Elain states unequivocally that she does not want a bond. She doesn't want Lucien. She doesn't want 'a male' that was given to her, and whom she did not choose. And she does not want a bond. She doesn't want to adhere to the societal expectations that the bond obligates her to.

But what's interesting is that the one person who never seems to question it is Lucien.

Something clicks for him, he realizes that Elain is his mate and he states it plainly 'You are my mate'. But he never questions it.

Even when, he clearly isn't interested in Elain. Beyond her being attractive, almost generically attractive because it's the one thing that everyone notices about her, he has no feelings but base instincts and lust. He doesn't know anything about her. Doesn't know what her likes/dislikes are. Doesn't know much about her character. Her wants and her struggles.

Lucien, regardless of his own feelings, which are ambivalent at best, just accepts it. The bond is there. He has no recourse. He has to make the best of a crappy situation, because that's what he is expected to do. How do you fight a Cauldron-given bond?

Which brings me to my point: Azriel DOES question the Cauldron. The ordained will of their deity-like item. It's one thing when Feyre questions it, because she doesn't know. It's a wholly different thing when Azriel voices his disdain for the decision. It's not entitlement. He is actually being heretical in that moment. His desire for Elain is so enormous that he is willing to question Prythian's religion and the will of a god-like thing. He isn't complaining about not having a mate. He isn't questioning 'why didn't the Cauldron grant me a mate?!!?!?"--which could be an acceptable question, akin to us questioning why haven't we found 'the one' yet. But no. He questions a very specific bond. And he dares to say 'what if the Cauldron was WRONG?' Can god made mistakes? Generally no. But in Azriel's mind, G-d made a mistake. Because it created the wrong bond for Elain. Again, he doesn't say 'why don't *I* have a bond?" He asks why was Elain given to another? He perceives it as a punishment for HER. He adds that she is not interested in Lucien. It's a burden on Elain. He doesn't say 'I', he always thinks of her. He actually views her bond as punishment. For her. And he knows what he can offer her instead. When Rhys berates him and says:

(He had never before dared speak  the words aloud.)

Rhys's face drained of color. "You believe you deserve to be her mate?"  

Azriel scowled. "I think Lucien will never be good enough for her,  and she has no interest in him, anyway." 

Azriel doesn't say 'I should've been her mate. I am better for her!' (even if he thinks that). His attention is always on her and her unhappiness. Which aligns with how he thinks of her in general--where her pleasure, her safety, her happiness are always on the forefront of his thoughts and actions.

Furthermore, 'he never DARED speak the words aloud.' It's a sentence that people don't pay enough attention to. Because this is Azriel. And he is not afraid of anything. Or anyone. He fights High Lords. He threatens them when they insult any female in his presence. He argues with his own High Lord, and his High Lady. He doesn't fear Amren. He doesn't fear the Blue Annis. He'll fly with a tree attached to his back. He will sneak into the Hybern camp. He will stand up to the King and steal something from under his nose. He sneaks into the darkest and most dangerous places in the world. He dares.

But questioning the bond and the Cauldron--he doesn't dare. That's how monumental this is.

Lucien never questions the Cauldron. Both Tamlin and Rhys sort of shrug off their parents' respective (unhappy) unions. Cassian doesn't question. Rhys certainly never thinks as to why he would be mated to a human girl.

But Azriel questions.

And that will be the story. Because what happens when the Cauldron IS wrong and you decide to go against fate and gods?

[olenoidedserratuspilled]

That's a neat wall of text I guess. Doesn't actually relate to anything I actually said, though. I never said that calling men demons matters in and of itself, neither did I say that men are marginalized for being men.

What I did say is that TERFs like to use man-hating as a rhetorical trojan horse to push their own genuinely bigoted views, and that as such spreading man-hating rhetoric makes it easier for them to do just that. You're not going to read it, and I'm expecting you to block me after this, but I'll explain my point under the cut:

TERFs want you to believe they're defined by hating men, but in reality they are defined by hating women: trans women.

What TERFs want you to believe or not has nothing to do with what I said. What I did say is that the claim that "TERFs love men", cis or otherwise, is absurd to anyone who's actually seen TERF rhetoric in action.

I think a lot of people see TERFs calling trans women men and using their bioessentialist rhetoric about "males" and assume that TERFs hate trans women for the (in their eyes) crime of being men. The problem with that is that it's too rational.

Is it, though? Even if you agree that "All men are bad" is rational, the stance of "Trans women are men" isn't, and TERFs do very much believe trans women are men. That's where their irrationality begins, even if it isn't where it ends.

Bigotry is not logical. TERFs don't aggressively misgender trans women because they think being a man is the worst possible thing to be, they do it because they know how hurtful it is to trans women. The cruelty is the point.

The point is that they believe trans women are men, and they view aggressively misgendering trans women as correcting a slight against themselves personally and/or womankind at large. The cruelty may be the point, but they do very much justify that cruelty to themselves by rationalizing that trans women are both A) men and B) an especially evil, insidious and sexually deviant kind of man.

Despite their rhetoric, TERFs often pal around with cis men.

Cis white wealthy men, yes. I.E. the ones that help them gain political capital. They certainly don't pal around with any cis men that don't provide them with any political gain.

They'll post men are demons, but how often do they harass and threaten cis men the way they do to trans women? Men are powerful and threatening, trans women are a vulnerable minority and (as a class) powerless in society.

Notice how I never said TERFs harass and threaten cis men the way they do to trans women, or that trans women weren't especially targeted by TERFs. Again, what I said is that the notion that TERFs somehow "like" men is absurd, and that TERFs use man-hating to either justify their actual bigotry or make it look more palatable.

You've provided several examples of TERFs being racist and Islamophobic.

Yes, they are also examples of TERFs using man-hating rhetoric to justify why their racism and islamophobia are acceptable. The very thing that I am pointing out is happening.

It has nothing to do with hating men and everything to do with racism.

The specific examples I provided do have somethign to do with hating men because it's being used as a cover for why the racism is justified. The TERFs I showed are very deliberately going "Well I don't hate them because they're black/muslim, I hate them because they're men! (Just ignore the part where I say white men aren't as bad". Why did I provide these screenshots? Two reasons: 1) to show how the statement that TERFs "like" men is nonsense and 2) to showcase how TERFs like to use men-hating to make their actual bigotry look justified.

When you qualify every statement about misogyny with white men, how do you think that feels to women of color who are dealing with misogyny in their own communities? Marginalized men uphold misogyny, because they are men.

Cool, show me where I said you should qualify every statement about misogyny with white men. Show me where I said marginalized men don't uphold misogyny. What I did say is that TERFs have a habit of singling out POC/marginalized men (because again, the man-hating is a cover for their legitimate bigotry) and have no issue with making scathingly bigoted statements as long as they attach the word "men" to it.

The more popular view among progressives these days, however, and particularly on Tumblr, is that hating your oppressor is justified and should not be policed. Except when it comes to men.

In the US and the rest of the anglosphere, maybe. Where I live? The man-hating is very much still part and parcel of it, even if we don't have as much of a TERF problem. I also still see plenty of man-haing on Tumblr, too. None of that is to say that man-hating is an important issue of some sort, merely to say that the popular view among progresssives in my experience is still that man-hating is okay. If your experience is different then good for you I guess.

Talking about trans men the way you talk about cis men is perfectly fine, because they are both men.

Is the "Bomb that kills all Transmascs" post perfectly fine? Are the people receiving anon hate (up to and including rape threats - oh, I'm sorry, "forcefem jokes") perfectly fine? Is harassing transmen and calling them slurs perfectly fine? None of these are hypothetical. They're all actually happening right now as we speak.

Yes, trans men are men, and I am not opposed to the notion that trans men can participate in misogyny. But I'm certain you can understand how believing they're deserving of the same hatred that cis men deserve isn't just wrong, it's dangerous to trans men.

"Talking about men of color the way you talk about white men" is a rhetorical trap."

Yes it is. A rhetorical trap that TERFs use to make their racism look justified. The thing that I said they do and showed evidence of them doing.

If, however, you simply say "men are the devil" and don't specify race, you are "talking about men of color the way you talk about white men" because you are talking about all men the same way and only their gender (and, really, their role in the patriarchy) is relevant.

Except that is'nt what TERFs are doing. That's what they say they are doing, but they are very blatantly and obviously singling men of color out while making excuses for white men. This is what they mean when they say "talking about men of color the way you talk about white men". This is the kind of behavior they use man-hating rhetoric to excuse.

Additionally, it's a mistake to assume all women complaining about men of color are white.

Show me where I said that. Go ahead, show me. What I did say was that women who single out men of color for things that men of every ethnicity do are being racist (because they are), and that statements like "I want to burn muslims (male)", "I don't give a fuck how these ugly brown men are treated in the west" and most bafflingly "white women tears is a term black and brown men came up with to silence white women"(!!!) are racist, because they are.

Trans mascs are dealing with transphobia. There is a serious transphobic backlash in a lot of countries right now and while tumblr may feel like it's in a bubble sometimes, it is affected by the outside world.

Yes it is. There is no shortage of TERFs and garden variety transphobes on Tumblr. There is also no shortage of people who are using man-hating rhetoric to excuse harassing trans men at the moment. That is the phenomenon I am describing.

It's a serious problem and we need to protect our trans community members.

Yes we do. There is however an undercurrent of people who don't believe all of our trans community members deserve protection. They are a vocal minority that are going out of their way to harass trans men and people who wish to protect them.

A lot of transmascs need access to both HRT and contraception and have the potential to need access to abortion. American transmascs are getting hit twice, with anti-trans bigotry and restriction of reproductive freedom both being major projects of the incoming (and in many states established) right wing government.

Yes that's very much happening. Nothing to do with what I'm saying but yeah I do suppose you're right about that.

Women saying "I hate men" on the internet does not threaten trans men's lives the way the right--TERFs included--does.

Show me where I said it does. Go ahead, show me.

What I did say is that there are people using the sentiment of "I hate men" to harass and threaten trans men (if you want me to provide examples, I can, even if I know you aren't reading this), and that as such there are trans men who feel othered within their own community by this kind of sentiment.

Anyway, if you're done putting words in my mouth, I think it might be best if we stop talking here

Something I want this website specifically to reflect on! Are you mad at women for talking about men the same way you talk about cishets or neurotypicals? Why?

[flooffybits]

Tell Me

Idol: Hirai Momo (Twice)

Momo has conflicting feelings that she doesn't quite understand. So someone has to knock some sense into her.

Word count: 3.2k

Warning: mean Momo, reader gets sick, Jihyo and Jeongyeon are angry

☕buy me a coffee☕

Things within the group have been a little more comforting as of late. Even with your late addition to the team, you all seemed to gradually get along with all of the girls, especially with having to deal with constant comebacks and late night practices.

Except for one person.

"Unnie, do you want to come with Mina and I?" You ask with a little bit of a hopeful look in your eyes, but the older woman didn't even bother looking your way as she shook her head, eyes trained on the device in her hands. "I'm busy, have fun though." She answered curtly and your shoulders deflated a little before you nodded in defeat, exiting the room to meet with the other Japanese woman.

Once she heard the door close, Momo finally lifted her gaze and let out a sigh, glancing at the door you just exited from. A frown crept up her lips and she had to roll her eyes before grabbing her bag and then waiting a few more minutes just so she was sure you still wouldn't be around.

Once she hears the sound of the front door closing, Momo takes that as a sign and finally moves from her spot, shoving her phone inside her pocket as she navigates herself through the kitchen.

"So, you're busy with… what, exactly?"

The short haired woman jumps in surprise, squeaking before she whirls around to look at the source of the voice that had nearly given her a heart attack before shouting. "Yah! Don't do that!" She protests while Jihyo gives her an odd look.

"You're ignoring Y/n." The leader doesn't beat around the bush when she speaks and Momo has a bit of a hard time collecting herself from the sudden accusation that wasn't entirely false.

In all honesty she doesn't have a clue on how to get out of this, and unfortunately for her Jihyo already senses it before she can even manage a sound.

"I thought we talked about this before, Momo?" Said member only sighs while leaning against the kitchen counter. "I know! But every time I see her I just… I don't know! I feel so unsettled whenever she's around and I can't help but distance myself from her." She explains, exasperation laced in her tone as she ran her fingers through her hair. "And I know that she hasn't done anything but I just can't help but remember how much we went through to get here."

"And Y/n has gone through the same. The only difference is that she was alone while we had each other." Jihyo reminds her for the umpteenth time that Momo doesn't even remember how many times she's heard that from the leader or even any of the other members. They were right no matter how she looked at it.

She could never change how things went. She could never truly blame you for being assigned here either. It wasn't your fault.

You didn't ask to be here.

Momo could always remember the hesitation you had displayed when you were first presented to the group. There was shame in your features that none of the girls could blame you for and she's honestly guilty for being so hostile since the beginning.

You weren't a bad person.

In essence, you were one of the nicer people that she's met in this industry and she would consider themselves lucky to have such nice and caring members.

That was why the guilt never went away because she wasn't nice.

Not to you at least.

"I know." Is all she can say and Jihyo doesn't quite understand what she's thinking because her expression right now is unreadable. "Sorry but I… think I need some air."

Jihyo doesn't even stop her when she exits the dorm nor does she question where she's headed. At times like these, Momo only had only one other place to head to.

"Momo unnie isn't back yet?" Tzuyu's question earns a few of the members to look over and Nayeon just shakes her head. "She's probably with Heechul oppa again."

It wasn't an abnormal occurrence, the majority of the group, if not all, knew that your senior had a crush on the dancer. But only a few of them knew that it had already exceeded that level of admiration between them. It just wasn't their secret to tell.

"They've been going out a lot." Sana comments while she fiddles with her phone. "Do you think they're actually dating now?" She can't help but ask and Chaeyoung raises a brow. "Aren't we prohibited from being in a relationship?" The younger girl can't help but question, sharing your own thoughts because you knew that there was a dating ban when it came to artists.

Jeongyeon snorts while leaning her chin against her arms. "We don't always follow the rules, plus it won't be long before that ban is lifted. I wouldn't be surprised if they're already going out together." Somehow the comment makes you uneasy.

Maybe it's the thought of your member getting into possible trouble with the higher ups. But given how your members aren't too bothered, you try to shrug the feeling off before focusing on the game that was currently on your phone with Dahyun beside you.

You don't even remember how long you've been in the living room. You only know that you refused to leave until Momo had returned home. Even when your roommates were telling you to head to bed, you just made some excuse about being comfortable where you are and wanting to finish the game.

You didn't even know when you fell asleep on the couch.

Nayeon had only sighed and shook her head at you before she grabbed a blanket and draped it over your body, patting your head as she headed for her own room.

Jihyo had noticed you when she went to grab some water, but she had stopped at some point, hiding in the corner when she noticed that Momo had finally arrived and was crouched over your sleeping figure.

Blinking in surprise, the leader quietly watched as the Japanese woman examined your face, her brows pinching together in concern when she saw the way you were sleeping before she muttered something under her breath.

Carefully adjusting your position, she made sure you were comfortable and tucked you in, too tired to carry you to your room before she quietly exited the vicinity so as to avoid being caught.

After that night, Jihyo pays a lot more attention to how Momo acts when she thinks no one else is looking.

Momo cares about your opinion more than she'd care to admit. She always has to look in your direction when she's doing something and it's only when you smile or nod does she feel like she can breathe again.

It makes absolutely no sense if you ask her.

But when you're getting compliments from everyone else, she can't help the frown that settles on her face or the way her chest constricts as though there are a pile of bricks laying there.

So she distances herself so she doesn't have to feel that and it only earns itself a frown from you because you think that the rift between the two of you is nowhere near narrowing. She's still so far away from you and it both confuses and frustrates your leader because she sees that Momo is going one way then another.

She can see the effect it has on you and while she does scold the dancer from time to time, she can't help but bite her tongue when she sees that you've opted to be the one to adjust instead.

Your leader was merely a spectator to the odd relationship you and Momo had, dancing around each other but never meeting due to fear and rejection, while the other with uncertainty. It was a difficult relationship to appreciate, and at some point, one of your roommates soon noticed this push and pull as well when she caught Momo peeking inside your room one day when you had fallen ill and failed to participate in one of the events you had scheduled.

"What's… going on?" Jeongyeon muttered curiously the next day, passing by the dancer who had subtly checked the door of your room when the short haired woman left.

"What do you mean?" The culprit was quick to reply, doing her best to seem casual while Jihyo, once again, watched from the side. "You do know that you can just come in to check on her, right?" It was becoming ridiculous at this point, really. Despite being one of the older members of the group, Jihyo was very close to scolding the dancer for the way she had noticed her acting.

Momo, on the other hand, just looked like a deer in headlights as she blinked owlishly. She isn't sure what to say. “I just wanted to be sure if she's still sick. I don't want to get sick too." That was definitely what she wanted to say.

Jeongyeon’s face scrunched up in displeasure while Jihyo scowled.

“Look, I get that you're not her biggest fan, but don't treat her like she's not a person. If you don't wanna get sick, then don't come near her.” The short haired woman scolded and Momo had to cross her arms, defensive as she retorted. "I was just saying! I didn't mean anything by it.” She tells them and Jihyo just sighs while shaking her head. "Momo, enough. Just go somewhere else."

The comment earns a scoff from the dancer, but the thing that irritates her is how she's being told to stay away from you.

"What? You're kicking me out?” She snapped angrily but Jihyo only shook her head. “I don't care where you go right now as long as it's not anywhere near Y/n."

"This isn't healthy, Momo. I hope you realize that.” Jeongyeon spits out before she turns and enters your room, shutting the door behind her and refusing to give the Japanese woman a chance to respond.

She's had enough and you needed her more at the moment rather than Momo needed to be taught a lesson. Plus Jihyo was there and judging by the look on her face, Jeongyeon could tell that the leader would be more than accepting of the role of scolding their friend.

“You guys need to stop arguing like this." All of a sudden a new voice cut through, beating the leader off before she could utter a single sound. “We're all adults here but you're acting like children." A frown is present on Nayeon's face as she looks at the two. “We're supposed to be the unnies here. But you guys are creating a bad vibe that no one can enjoy.” She sighed out and Momo scoffed. “I'm not doing anything.”

“Oh, cut it with that bullshit. We know that you don't like Y/n but at least be civil!” Nayeon scolded, taking the reign this time whilst Jihyo listened. “How can we be a group when you're acting like one person should be left out? How are you setting an example?” She went off as Momo looked away with a huff though the twinge in her chest tells that Nayeon had hit her mark. “Y/n isn’t some outsider, Momo. She’s here to stay so get that through your head.”

There’s a pregnant pause as the three of them stood in the middle of the room, Momo’s thoughts going a mile a minute as she kept stealing glances at the closed door that separated you and them.

“Why do you hate her so much?”

All eyes are on Jihyo as she stares at the dancer, a tired expression on her face. “I mean, I get that you weren’t happy about her joining outside of Sixteen, but you know just as much as I do that she had to deal with things differently from us.” Momo struggles to come up with an answer.

It was true that she had been upset by the decision. She worked hard and suffered through a reality show, fighting to be where she was now. But couldn’t the same be said for you?

Jihyo was right, you were alone throughout your training process while they had each other. They depended on each other during the survival show but who did you lean on when things were getting too much?

“I don’t hate her.” Is all she ends up saying. And judging by the look on her face, it looked like that was the only answer she was willing to give.

..

The practice room was always a paradox for the Japanese woman.

She could always relax and let the music take her away from all the mess that went on with her life, but the same room always reminded her of all the suffering she’s been through just to attain her dream of being an idol.

The never ending practices, the starvation, the crying - it all seemed to happen a lot in this room.

Even when she found solace in it, it still held the storms that she had gone through and the ones she was currently going through.

“Oh-”

The sound made her pause and Momo quickly spun around to see you standing meekly by the door, a timid look on your face as you looked anywhere but her. “I… didn’t think anyone was here already.” You say awkwardly, hand still on the knob.

“I’ll just-”

As you moved to exit the room, Momo wasn’t sure what tugged at her chest, but she was stepping forward without realizing. “It’s okay. You can stay.”

That made you blink and your eyes snap to her face to see if she was kidding. But this was Momo. She didn’t joke, not with you at least. So when you see that she actually means for you to stay, you slowly step away from the door and head over to one of your usual spots in the room.

All the while, Momo’s eyes follow your every move, contemplating on what she could possibly say.

Even when she’s been an utter bitch towards you, Momo realized that you neve retaliated or treated her with any ill will. It was always the other members that did that for you without you knowing and she knows that she deserves it for how she treats you.

You’ve only been understanding of her situation, greeting her with a smile even when she shrugs you off, offering her things you know she likes, but she would always turn you down just because it was you.

God, she felt horrible.

Why did you have to be so nice to her?

“Y/n.”

The call of your name had you looking up during your stretch and you fidget a little when Momo waves you over.

Were you asleep right now?

Momo was calling for you?

That didn’t seem right.

Nevertheless, you stood and approached the older woman and she internally sighs when she sees the shy look across your face. You were cute, she had to admit.

The thought made her pause.

No, no, no. That was not what she needed right now.

But as you stood awkwardly in front of her, the older woman could see the way your eyes looked up at her, kind and shy, she had to bite her tongue before exhaling loudly and then awkwardly putting a hand on your shoulder.

She frowns when you flinch a little at the contact, but the look you give her is reassuring that it leaves a bitter taste in her mouth.

“Don’t look at me like that.”

You were honestly surprised by the softness in her tone, lacking its usual edge whenever she was talking to you, but the look in her eyes manages to make your breath hitch. 

“... I wanted to apologize.”

You keep quiet as she tries to find the right words to say. “I haven’t been fair to you, but I just wanted to let you know that I don’t… I don’t hate you.” She mumbles softly, her hand moving from your shoulder, down to your forearm, until she’s eventually taking your hand in her own, albeit hesitantly, almost as though she were afraid you would pull away.

“I know that I have a lot to make up for, but I hope you know that I’m really sorry.” She sucks in a deep breath. “I was confused and frustrated, and Jihyo was right, I shouldn’t have been taking it all out on you because you didn’t ask for any of this. I was just a bit bitter.”

You raise a brow, the corners of your mouth twitching a little. “A bit?” You can’t help the teasing lilt in your tone and Momo huffs. “Shut up, I’m trying to apologize.” And you do so with a smile on your face this time, and Momo can’t help but find that she likes your smile better.

“You somehow make my skin crawl and I get this weird feeling whenever I see you. But at the same time, I don’t like it when you’re upset or sick.” She remembers Jeongyeon getting mad at her again and she knows she has to apologize to her, too. “I hate not being able to talk to you because there’s so much going on with me that I can’t sort out.”

Your eyes widen a little and you know there’s heat crawling up your cheeks at that point because… god, this sounded like some sort of confession in some way. But you keep your mouth shut because you barely knew Momo enough to assume whether you were right or not.

Especially not when she acted like she didn’t like you.

“Unnie.” You began quietly and she’s squeezing your hand like a lifeline. “Is there… a chance that you were… jealous of the others being able to talk to me when you couldn’t?” You bite your lip when her brows furrow, but she nods either way. “And when Sana unnie or Nayeon unnie are hogging me to themselves?” She huffs at that and rolls her eyes. “It’s annoying, really.” You snort a little in amusement before you finally try one last thing.

“Can I hug you?”

Momo’s brain seemed to short circuit at your request, but when she doesn’t say anything, you’re afraid you may have overstepped.

Just as you were about to pull away from her, she tightens her hold on your hand before tugging you closer, making you tumble into her arms before she’s holding your head close to her chest.

Her warmth wraps around you like a blanket and you could hear the way her heart pounded against her chest even when her fingers ran through your hair.

“If this is how hugging you feels like… you can hug me as much as you want.”

Honestly, that and the way her heart sped up a little more only made the stupid grin on your face widen.

She wasn’t too sure what she was feeling right now. But maybe after a bit more of time, she could finally come to terms with herself and tell you how she really felt.

[nottinmyheart]

"She just fell"

Theo Nott/Brothers bsf x Reader/Malfoy

Quite angsty ig but not from Theo!

Writers note: This is my first fic EVER, so please don't judge too harshly, but I'm also welcome to constructive criticism! I was thinking of making this a series, but I guess it depends if people like it or not. Tbh this was all really just for fun and my personal enjoyment!

Summary: You and Theo have been in love for years, but nothing has ever happened. After an incident where your twin brother (Draco) leaves you in tears, you are confused as to Theodores' feelings towards you.

As you stumbled over your own feet and felt yourself begin to collapse, a sudden pair of muscular arms wrapped around your waist preventing you from falling. Looking up, your whole body froze as you got lost in his mesmerising mixture of blues and greens for eyes. Breaking you from your trance was his deep, luscious voice which you so badly wished you could listen to on repeat for the rest of your days, "Well this seems familiar." He chuckled. And yes, it did.

Back in 1st year, you had been put in the exact same situation where you were running through the halls, dreading being late to snapes lesson, when you suddenly, abruptly tripped over your own feet. Just to your luck, Theodore Nott had been standing there and observing when he noticed the inevitable before it had even sprung into action. He immediately caught you with ease and couldn't stop himself from admiring every feature on your stunned, gorgeous face. He was consumed by your beauty while you were in the same boat as you stared back at your saviour. You swore it was love at first sight, and little did you know he felt the exact same way. Before either of you could speak, you were interrupted by that bellow of an annoying voice, your older brother (by 10 minutes). "Oi, get your hands off her Nott!" "Huh?" He spun around in confusion and was met with a fairly irritated Draco. "Don't hold her like that." He froze for a second, but after registering his friends words let go of you. "Ugh, Draco, what do you want!" You voiced back clearly unimpressed by his antics. "Draco, is this your girlfriend or something, mate?" Theodore questioned, clearly confused by his demand. "EW!" Both you and draco screeched in unison, quite childish. "NO! She's my annoying baby sister, " he explained, clearly offended by Theodores' outrageous comment. "BABY?!? You are older than me by 10 MINUTES. Don't act like you are any wiser than me!" You retaliated upset by the fact you were referred to as 'baby sister'. "So you are twins?" Theodore stated as he grasped the concept of how he had just fallen head over heels for his best mates twin sister.

"Oi! Get your hands off her, Nott!" There it was, just like last time, of course your brother had to interfere. Theo stiffened slightly at the sound of dracos voice, knowing he had just lost the chance to talk to you. Again. But he didn't let go straight away, and neither did you. Draco was now right next to the two of you and practically ripped you away from Theos hold. "What are you fucking doing Y/N, don't act like a helpless slut in front of my friends!" His voice was filled with malice and the weight of his horrible words poured over you. The hurt that his statement had on you was clear as your eyes began to fill with tears. Theo didn't know if he should defend you or not but seeing how hurt you looked he couldn't just allow you to stand there alone. Not wanting to completely ruin his relationship with draco, he barely held himself back from lashing out on him right then and there. "Dude she just fell! There's no need to start calling her names." Theo clenched his teeth at his friends quick response "She didn't "just fall" Y/N is clearly seeking attention and she doesn't have to seek it from my mates!" You stood there completely shocked from the words coming out of your own brothers, your own twins, mouth. "I- I honestly didn't mean to!" Was all you could splutter out but Draco just looked at you unconvinced. "Yeah whatever, stop acting so pathetic and just fuck off." So you did. As quickly as you could, you ran away from that situation and straight to your safe place.

In the astronomy tower, you were fortunate that no lessons were currently going on as the thought of anyone else seeing you like this, in pieces, made you sick to your stomach. You knew Draco and you were recently growing apart. And he was occupied by girls and rarely talked to you, but you couldn't believe how he had just treated you, his own flesh and blood. He treated you as if you were some trashy pick me girl just trying to find someone to fuck. You weren't that, why did he treat you like that? More tears began to flow down your face in an ugly sob and you couldn't stop.

Your best friends (Pansy and Luna) soon realised you weren't in lesson and questioned Draco as to if you were okay. Seeing the guilty expression on Dracos' face, they both knew he had said something. Although you and Pansy were both in Slytherin, in second year you ran into Luna Lovegood who as peculiar as she was, soon became great friends with the two of you and ever since then, the three of you had been like sisters. Knowing where you were, they both excused themselves and were let go since they used the 'period excuse'.

You were sat on top of the astronomy tower, questioning yourself as to why he would talk to you like that. Maybe you were just attention seeking, I mean, you were deeply in love with his best friend, so you couldn't deny you did want Theodores' attention. But you didn't deliberately fall into Theodores' arms, I mean, you didn't even notice he was there! You were just trying to catch up to your friends after you told them to walk ahead while you spoke to the teacher. And why did Theodore not let go of you? And now that you thought back to it, he did kind of defend you, right? Okay, now you were sure you were delusional, and your confused thoughts only fueled the fountain falling down your face.

Theodore was worried sick about you as he noticed you didn't show up to the next class and he soon saw Pansy and Luna leave the class looking extremely stressed, most likely in search of their lost friend. He felt horrible for just letting you run off and not defending you, and the guilt was eating him alive. But he was also pissed. Pissed at Draco for saying such foul words to you. So when he got the opportunity in class to have a conversation with him, he did. "Dude why the fuck were you so horrible to Y/N. She just fell and I caught her." He whispered in a hushed, stern tone, Draco responded in the exact same way. "She needs to understand that she can't just act like that around my mates. I mean God forbid she actually trys to hook up with one of you." Theodore was beginning to get annoyed at Dracos absurdity again. "But you were fucking horrible. I mean did you see the way you left her!? Plus why is it so bad if she does get with any of your friends? It's not like it would affect you in anyway?" Draco was baffled at this point "You can't be serious? It would affect me in every way and I would never get away from her. She's so annoying and never shuts up, it's not like any of you lot would fancy her anyway." He dismissed the thought, "She's just being dramatic, I'm sure she's fine". Although rage was bubbling over in Theo's head, he left it at that reflecting on how Draco viewed him having a relationship with you would be like.

"I'm sure she's fine." No, you definitely weren't fine, not even in the slightest. As Pansy and Luna made their way up the steps to the astronomy tower, they could hear your desperate sobs and locked eyes with eachother before covering the last few steps, empathy filled each of their eyes and they knew something really bad must have been said as you rarely cry, let alone have a full on breakdown. As you heard steps coming towards you, you frantically spun your whole body around, filled with fear, but relief washed over you as you realised it was only your friends. They comforted you for a good long while, listening to you rant and question yourself. They reassured you and promised it wasn't your fault, which made you feel slightly better, but the question still stood, "Why did Theodore not let go?" Sure, it could easily have been shock, but the way he looked at you, almost as if he never wanted to let you go, made you highly doubt that theory. Before you could dwell on the situation any longer, dinner rolled around, and you had promised your friends that you would go with them (not before you cleaned up and made yourself look presentable first). You couldn't let Draco know how much he had gotten to you. And you couldn't let Theodore see you in this state, even if you didn't yet know how he felt towards you.

[cjlouwho]

I Like the Taste of Vanilla

Start from the beginning on ao3, or read today's entry below.

Day 4: My Heart is Racing in a Weird Way

Tommy wasn't sure what was happening as Buck led him through the bar. Eyes lingered on them as they passed by each table until they reached a door that read Employees Only.

“Evan, what are we doing?” Tommy asked, scooting in closer to his boyfriend as people passed behind him.

“Hang on, you'll see.”

Buck knocked on the door and waited, glancing back at Tommy with a nervous smile.

“Did you get a job here?” Tommy asked. “Babe, are you hurting for money? I can-”

Buck pulled Tommy to his side and patted his chest. “Tommy, relax. Let's just... just wait.”

After waiting a few more seconds, the door opened just a crack. A man wearing far too much glitter, in Tommy's opinion, peered out. “Password.”

Buck grinned. “Paradise.”

The man eyed them both, then opened the door and let them inside, leading them down a hall.

“No touching unless given permission, although looking is highly recommended,” the man began to recite like he was giving a college tour, “use condoms, clean up your mess. No kink shaming. Sharing is caring.” He opened a door at the end of the hallway and moved to the side to let them through. “Have fun, newbies.”

“Ev- Evan, what are-”

“I do have a couple rules,” Buck interrupted, moving so he was directly in front of Tommy. “I really don't want anyone else touching you, and I don't want them touching me either.”

“Well, thank God for that,” Tommy mumbled, barely audible over the music and the moans. He cleared his throat, speaking a bit louder. “I don't want that either.”

Buck nodded. “Okay... Okay, good. I guess, um, we should f- find a spot then, right?”

“Um, oh, sorry,” Tommy moved as far into Buck's space as he could as a man in head to toe leather walked behind him with another man following him on a leash. “I, Evan, I don't know if there's any space here.”

“Sure there is!” Buck replied with a nervous laugh. “We don't take up that much space. Come on.”

They continued through the room, and Tommy couldn't help but feel far too overdressed in his blue jeans and black henley. He was sweaty, a bit panicky, and- “Is that... is his whole arm in there?” He froze, eyes wide at the sight of it.

Buck leaned in close to Tommy's ear. “No kink shaming,” he muttered.

“I'm not shaming, I'm impressed... and having some sympathy pains,” he added with a grimace. “Damn, he's going hard. I hope that man has good health insurance.”

Buck tugged at his arm, moving them along. “What about back here? Not too crowded. We c-”

He was cut off by the sound of a whip cracking nearby, followed by a yelp and a moan.

“Oh, Evan, my-” Tommy brought a hand up to his chest, flinching as the whip struck down again, “my heart is racing in a weird way.”

Alarmed, Buck held onto Tommy's arm, looking around until he found an exit. Making his way through the maze of bodies, Buck led them out of the building.

Tommy took the opportunity to take in a deep breath, the cool evening air hitting his face. “Sorry,” he said, leaning against the brick wall, “I know you wanted to do... whatever in there, it's just- that's not really for me.”

Buck's eyebrows furrowed. “Tommy, I don't care about any of that stuff. I thought it's what you wanted.”

“Hmm? Evan, why would I want that?”

“The movie!” Buck exclaimed, as though that explained everything.

“The movie? What movie?”

Buck groaned. “The movie we saw a couple weeks ago. They had a scene in the back of a seedy bar where all kinds of kinky shit was happening. You popped a boner in the theater!”

“That's because Cheyenne Jackson did full frontal and I'm human!”

Buck put his hands on his hips. “S- So it didn't have anything to do with the, uh, the chains or the, um, the other stuff?”

“God, no,” Tommy replied with a shake of the head. “I mean, sometimes things can be hot in theory, but it doesn't mean I wanna do it. This, however,” he said, pointing back toward the bar, “scared me more than war.”

Buck laughed, rolling his eyes. “I highly doubt that.”

Tommy held his arms open, waving Buck toward him. Without hesitation, Buck wrapped himself up in Tommy's arms. “Okay, maybe it didn't scare me more than war,” Tommy admitted, pressing a kiss to Buck's temple, “but it did leave me with some phantom pains. Did you see how hard that fist was-”

“I saw, I saw,” Buck interrupted with a shiver. “I know I always say I want to feel you the next day, but I'm not sure I'd want you rearranging my organs like that.”

Tommy laughed, tapping at Buck's side until he leaned back enough for them to look at one another. “You spent the last two weeks researching this place, didn't you?”

“It was the only one with five stars,” Buck whined. “And I wanted to go somewhere that I knew no one would just start touching you, or me.”

“I will say that, in the forty-five seconds we were in there, they were all very respectful,” Tommy admitted. “I just don't think I'm the fuck-you-in-a-room-full-of-people type. I also hated how they were all looking at you like they wanted to eat you.”

“Oh, please!” Buck huffed. “They were looking at you like that, not- not me. I was so close to jabbing some eyes out.”

“I disagree. Not about jabbing eyes, but about where the eyes were focused.”

“Agree to disagree.”

They were silent for a moment. Tommy looked off to the side, lips pursed.

“What is it?” Buck asked.

“Can we just talk about the fact that the place cannot be sanitary? I know they say to clean up after yourself, but God, Evan, there's no way-”

“I know, I know,” Buck soothed, running his hand over Tommy's chest. “I thought about that too.”

Tommy eyed Buck briefly before reaching up and cupping his face, pulling him in for a gentle kiss. “Can you do me a favor?” he asked, his thumbs stroking Buck's cheek.

“What?”

“Next time you think there's a kink I wanna try out... ask me.”

“You mean you haven't loved my surprises?” Buck joked.

“Oh, they're great,” Tommy answered sarcastically. “I am afraid the next one might actually kill me though.”

With a smile, Buck took hold of Tommy's hands and pulled him away from the wall. “Ready to go home?”

“Hell yeah. Can we get in bed and do none of the things I just witnessed in there?”

Buck cocked his head to the side. “You mean you don't wanna shove your arm so deep inside me you could pull out my heart?”

Tommy shivered. “Evan,” he whined, “I'd almost forgotten about it.”

“Honey, there are some things the mind will never forget,” Buck replied as they reached the truck. “That was absolutely one of them.”

[portraitofalinkonfyre]

12 Days of Christmas: 2024 Christmas Event

Day 9: Mistletoe

Pairing: Warriors x Reader

Warning(s): N/A

Notes: This is probably my second favorite piece (the Wind one is 1st lol) in this event!

Main Masterlist | Event Masterlist | Previous Day | Next Day

You knew something was up as soon as you noticed Wind hanging that blasted plant above the stable entrance on Lon Lon Ranch.

The notion that Hyrule, of all places, was also blessed with the demented gift that was mistletoe was a strange one, but you chalked it up to fate or, perhaps, some form of karmic retribution for all the times you had stepped to avoid the accursed fungus-shrub.

"Hey, bud, what'cha got there?" you feigned curiosity, glancing up at the plant with a befuddled expression. Wind placed his hands on his hips, grinning proudly, and you supposed he deserved it, because the arch was nearly three times his height and not even you and your totally jacked body could manage that alone.

"It's called mistletoe!" the Sailor proclaimed. "Warriors told me to hang it up! For the holidays!"

"Is that so?" you mused, though your mind was anything but quiet. What the heck, Warriors? "Is Time okay with this?"

"I showed him and Malon and they just giggled," the youngest hero explained with a shrug, and you were eternally grateful he didn't know the true meaning behind the plant.

"Well, I think it looks great," you smiled, patting him on the head. "Very sophisticated."

Wind's eyes sparkled. "You think so?"

"So do I," a new voice joined the conversation, heralded by the crunch of boots against gravel, and you leveled Warriors with the flattest look you could muster, though it only seemed to encourage the shit-eating grin the Captain currently sported. His gaze flicked to the arch where the mistletoe hung. "Wow, I couldn't have done it better myself, Sailor."

If Wind had a tail, you were positive it would be wagging. He turned his gaze to you, expression pleading. "Can we hang some in the house too?"

"I don't see why not," you acquiesced, the corners of your lips ticking up when the youngest hero beamed, turning tail and sprinting to the house before you could get another word out, which provided the perfect opportunity to fix Warriors with another look. "You're a terrible influence, you know that?"

And, like the bastard he was, the Captain only grinned. "Says the person who just gave him permission to deck the halls."

Fuck, that was actually good. How appalling. You rolled your eyes. "Case and point, you little shit."

Just when you thought it couldn't get worse, it did. Warriors placed his elbow against the wooden plank of the arch, hip cocked in a position that you guessed was supposed to be some flavor of enticing. "You love me," he said, smooth as silk, dangerous as a viper.

"Don't flatter yourself," you crossed your arms over your chest with a borderline glare. This wasn't the first time he had pulled the moves on you, and it wouldn't be the last, consider how, with each teasing rejection, he only seemed more persistent in getting you to crack. Consensually, of course, but your point stood. "I'd sooner kiss a cuckoo, I'll have you know."

It was when Warriors' grin turned sharp and he treated you to the most Hylia-awful wink that you realized the error of that particular quip. "Who said anything about kissing?" oh god, oh fuck. "But since you're obviously in need–"

"Nope, nope, there are children and innocent farm animals around," you cut him off before the situation could get any more maddening than it already was. You placed a hand by your ear, mentally preparing for the mental anguish that was adding to this bullshit. "Oh my Hylia, I think I hear Sky calling me!"

But Warriors was not so easily defeated. "...Have I ever told you how much I love your perfect bullshitting–"

"Oh no, he's definitely calling me!" you exclaimed, already beginning to powerwalk towards the house. "I'm literally so wanted right now!"

"By the Royal Guard," came his deadpan response, and you had to pause to come to terms with the fact that he had actually passed on an opportunity to make a bad joke.

Hands on your hips, you faced him once more. If anything, you were almost offended. "Why?"

Warriors pushed himself off the plank, grin returning with a passion. "Because you're under arrest," he stepped closer, until the two of you were nary a foot apart.

You bit your lip. "Do I dare ask why?"

"For," he paused, likely for comedic effect, and you said your prayers. "Stealing my heart."

You blinked once. Then twice. "...You've got to be fucking kidding me."

"You're smiling."

Fuck, you were. To remedy this horrible slip-up, you did the only correct thing and slapped a hand over your mouth like it would fix all your problems. "Nope, I'm not."

"Yessss."

"Noooo."

There was silence. It didn't last long.

The Captain's expression shifted to what could only be described as a pout, which was such a bizarre look that you had to physically hold yourself back from letting loose in front of the poor man. "You're mean."

You were unmoved. "And you're an asshole."

Phew, perfect deflection; you were obviously a master at this.

"Actually, I'm Link–"

"Fuck no," you hissed as your tolerance for bad humor reached its daily limit, just as Warriors' shoulders began to shake as his laughter made itself known, the lovable asshole. "Go harass Legend. He's actually into that."

"Wow, tough crowd," the Captain held his hands up in mock surrender.

"Good," unsympathetically, you paused, your mind reminding you of a certain set of recent grievances against him. "And stop sneaking up on me! Someone ought to put a bell on you."

–Until you froze, realizing your mistake as soon as the words fell from your mouth.

Warriors grin was diabolical.

It happened the next morning.

You were in the stable, helping Twilight lug a large shipment of hay to a place that wasn't in the middle of the floor. A sneeze escaped you, nose beyond red from the rather maddening overabundance of dust swirling in the dry air.

"Bless ya, darlin'," the Rancher said, tossing another bale over his bare shoulder, his arms and chest flexing to accommodate its weight. You rubbed your nose, glancing over with mild jealousy; you knew they were all fit, but this was getting ridiculous. "Yer lookin' a bit red, sure ya don't need a break?"

"Thanks, but I'm fine, Twi," you waved him off, not unkindly, and paced to the steadily-shrinking pile of bales. You grabbed one by the chord and grunted. Fuck, these were heavy! You stole a baleful (ha ha) glance in the Rancher's direction. "Nothing? Seriously? Save some seasonal imperviousness for the rest of us, Rancher!"

Twilight laughed, unaffected nose wrinkling in an expression of mirth. You half-heartedly wondered if shoving his face into one of the bales would change that. "No need ta get salty, darl'," he chortled, and your budding scowl deepened. Fucking ranchhand. "Happens ta the best o' us."

"Says you," you huffed, suddenly glad for the tunic you'd been forced to retain by society and a need to keep Warriors' jokes at bay. A glance was spared outside the barn, and you sighed. "Man, I can't believe there's supposed to be snow outside."

Twilight's ears perked up. "Ya don't say?"

"No, I'm serious," you defended, tossing the bale into the appropriate corner. "Back home, we're practically drowning, but here, it's like summer never left."

A soft chuckle left the Rancher's mouth. He grabbed another bale. You considered praying for bigger biceps for the holidays. "An' yer complaining?"

"Yes," you grunted, the thought of removing your shirt becoming more and more appealing. Hylia, you'd seen Wild in all his naked glory before–accidentally, of course–and Four had an annoying habit of removing his tunic to 'concentrate', so you were sure whatever you did would pale in comparison to the shenanigans they employed. "It's fucking hot in here."

"Really? Ah didn't notice–"

"One more word and it'll be your last, Rancher," you warned, and he appropriately shut up. Must be that dog in him. You fiddled with the hem of your tunic. "You mind if I take this off? I think I might pass out."

Twilight paused, looking contemplative before he nodded, shooting you a kind smile. "Go right ahead, darlin', ah don't mind."

"You're a saint, Twilight," you breathed, pulling the offending garment over your head, leaving you in nothing but a tank-top-esque garment that began just under your ribs, a pair of trousers, and your boots. Almost immediately, a breeze whistled through the barn doors, and you nearly groaned when cool air hit the exposed skin of your stomach and arms. It felt heavenly, you thought as you tied the tunic around your waist, ready to continue. Until you turned around, froze, and realized Twilight had snagged the last two bales, regarding you with a smile that was nothing if not smug.

"Looking fer somethin'?" The bastard had the decency to ask, though it was kind of ruined with that grin of his.

"Really?" you deadpanned, realizing that you had just been played. "I take everything back, you're a menace."

"Ah'm glad ya realized," said Twilight in what was quite possibly the most self-satisfied tone you'd heard in your life.

"Fuck off," you hissed, wholly unimpressed. "Where's a pitchfork when you need it?"

Warriors was waiting under the arch when you were finally relieved of bale duty, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest, feet tilted upwards in a position that made you want to simultaneously roll your eyes and strike up a conversation.

"Hey," you called, drawing closer. The Captain blinked, ears perking as he was torn from whatever world he had been lost inside. He too was shirtless, skin slightly shiny from the heat, but you didn't know that. You weren't looking. Obviously. "Didn't the army teach you it's a bad idea to sleep in the sun?"

"Hm? But you just got here," was his response, punctuated by a famously terrible wink, and you felt your will to live crumble a bit more.

"What was that?" you placed both hands behind your ears. "Did you hear that? I could have sworn I heard someone talking to me."

"Har, har," Warriors pushed off the wall, standing to his full heSight. Like Twilight, he was shirtless. Unlike Twilight, you found yourself stealing glances for a completely different reason than muscle jealousy. While his smile never faltered, only a fool would miss the newer, sharper glint in his eyes. "You're quite sassy for the person under the mistletoe."

Fuck.

You glanced up to confirm that the blasted plant was still there.

Double fuck.

"So are you," you shot back before you could stop yourself. "Suck it, Wars."

A snort left the Captain's lips. He was getting closer, nary a few feet away, and you became distinctly aware of the fact that your tunic was still tied around your waist. "...Do you really want to hear my answer to that?"

You grimaced, but it wasn't from disgust. Far from it, actually. "Sorry, but I'm going to have to choose my mental health on this one."

A gasp. "What??"

You couldn't hold back a delighted giggle at the betrayed expression on Warriors' face.

"I'm wounded, mortally," the Captain continued, sparing no expense in being as dramatic as possible. He was practically on the verge of laying a hand on his forehead and reenacting select maidens from the novels you just knew he had stashed in his pack. "To think that you would cast me aside so cruelly... for sanity! For shame!"

"Oh, please," you snorted. The mistletoe dangled above. "The only thing I should be apologizing for is not doing it sooner."

"Oh, my heart..."

Again, you snorted. Not again, you wondered how bad kissing him would be. "Hylia knows you've got dozens more, hero."

Cerulean eyes turned to you. A foot more, and he would practically be on top of you. "And what of love??"

"Aren't I supposed to be the sassy one?"

"Love is dead, I tell you!" the Captain bemoaned, throwing his arms wide. You wondered how they would feel wrapped around you. "slain by none other than–"

Okay, this was getting out of hand. You crossed your arms over your chest, thankful that the breeze was still kicking up. "Are we still talking about the mistletoe or do you need a minute?"

The dramatics stopped abruptly, and Warriors cleared his throat. He began to speak, but none of it shone in his eyes. "Ah, yes, about that. Lunch is almost ready, so I would recommend heading over soon."

Then, he took your hand, pressed a chaste kiss to your knuckles, and began to amble away.

You blinked, a bit surprised by the disappointment flooding your veins. Where was the determination? The annoyingly attractive swagger that only someone as vain as him could master?

The words tumbled off your tongue before you could stop them.

"Where are you going?"

Warriors paused. He turned around, an eyebrow raised, though it was far from judging. "...To the house?"

"Seriously?" Fuck, why were you so upset? Your hands balled loosely, and, before you knew it, you were marching forward, close enough to gently jam your finger against his sternum. "All that and you're going to just walk away?"

Confusion flooded the Captain's expression, but he didn't dare move away. In fact, he seemed to lean into your touch. "I thought you wanted–?"

"I don't," you cut him off, too far gone to bother being embarrassed. He wasn't the type of person you pegged doing things halfway, and you hoped to Hylia you were right. "Are you going to finish what you started or do I need to do it myself?"

The confusion morphed into realization, and, suddenly, there were arms around your bare waist and a pair of lips on yours. Your hands tangled in sandy blonde locks, and the world all but melted away when you pressed yourself to his chest, the flow of time quickening to the staccato-y rhythm of your heart. Fuck the heat, because you had all the warmth you needed right here.

Seconds passed, then m– then, you were separating, panting for stolen air. Warriors' eyes fluttered open, and your lungs stuttered at the pure adoration dancing in the bluebell irises. Then came a smile sweeter than any sunset, until you felt like the combined heat could strike you down at any moment. "There," he murmured, still holding you close.

"We should do that again," you blurted, cheeks flushing hotly. "I mean– for the holidays, obviously."

"I'd love nothing more," the Captain smiled–genuinely, wholly–and it was the last thing said between the two of you before his lips were on yours again, fingers tracing delicate circles on the flesh of your waist.

Maybe mistletoe wasn't so bad, after all.

Hope y'all enjoyed the witty banter; it's definitely my favorite thing to include in my stories <33

[talkingaboutwhatiwant]

Got any cool Nevermore theories?

Using this question as an excuse to continue theorizing/mindless babbling.

"you'll be bones by sunrise" is a yummy little quote from our favorite apathetic bird. While for quite a while I was under the impression that Lenore wouldn't get her specter until the end of the series, but unless the entirety of S2 will consist of the one night, she might get it earlier. I have a hard time believing that the raven will be proven wrong in some capacity, so I see this as us being told that Lenore will get her specter, perhaps the raven's quote directly telling us she'll be a skeleton of some sort.

The passage to the land of the living. I'm not entirely sure why the gang can't just use their spectres to make the journey, maybe they can and they haven't thought about it (especially considering our heroine hasn't gotten hers yet) but nevertheless it seems like a good plot point and the rational way to get to the end.

I also wonder if any students have "recharged" enough to use their spectres, and if that'd help then against the wild hunt. Annabelle is shown in the finale very much so I'm danger, and Lenore wasn't exactly in a position to swoop in and save her.

The Curse

I've seen a lot of people theorizing that the stag is Leo, more specifically his spectre, so most of this ramble is going to be based on that idea. First off, if the stag is Leo's spectre, he likely has to constantly be in that form to keep from being eaten (to go with my assumption that spectres can't be eaten by the creatures running about) so ... how? The deans vaguely put out this idea that they and Nevermore as an academy are the ones that give the students the ability to "unlock" their spectres, but I don't support this idea. It's possible that the academy actually dampens the abilities of spectres, explaining how Theo could retain his for so long. The raven says something about the passage into new life being safe in the past, but also correlating to the creatures starving now, which seems to contradict as we don't know what the creatures eat, besides half-dead humans. Somehow the academy ruined the ecosystem, but only left predators? I don't know. I like to assume that the ecosystem involved the creatures feeding off of the traveling spirits, but not the ones who developed their spectres. The orbs present at the beginning of the series can't ALL be from Nevermore mishaps of past, right? Perhaps the reason Leo even is living as a spectre is he found out something about the deans and fled, perhaps growing enough strength with his spectre to retain it long enough to learn "the good old fashioned way" if you will, how to permanently retain it.

Another Leo theory is that he won the new life (as the deans said he was at the top of his class), and came back as one of these creatures. We're under the impression with the "second chance at life" statement that it means picking up where they left off in a Ride The Cyclone-esque way, but I don't like that idea so I'm choosing not to believe it. Besides my hate for the trope, the history of the dead traveling to the land of the living implies a reincarnation system, otherwise there'd be centuries of immortals to speak of. Perhaps Leo won the second chance, and had the rotten enough luck (perhaps from the "curse" that I don't really believe in but that's a different rant) to come back as one of these nightmarish creatures.

Annabelle and her spectre!!

I have a LOT of feelings about Annabelle and her spectre, so I'm going to try my best to make this readable.

First off, I don't believe that one can have a fake spectre, and while Annabelle had a memory planted that caused her to get hers, there must be enough truth to it. The deans are powerful, but I see spectres as an ancient mechanism, older than the Raven, (Supporting my theory that spirits used to develop their spectres on their own) and impossible to fake. Annabelle was killed before she was to be wed (the only way a lady in white can be) maybe she and Lenore got found out and were killed together, or something happened and they made a suicide pact of sorts (this one I'm not super fond of, but it makes some sense to me so I'm putting it in). It's also possible that in her spectral form, she has a deeper understanding, whether a subconscious thought, feeling, or something else entirely. Her and Lenore's situation is so unique and complex that many things are possible here, we just don't know.

It's important to note that these are loose theories without research, just my mind making connections for entertainment. Let me know if y'all agree, disagree, or have something to add on! Thanks for reading this far

[jujujusillies]

doing deep breaths. deep breaths.

[tavina-writes]

CQL and Genre Intertextuality

I'm being bashed over the head with the "nhs's fan in CQL is made of xuantie/dark iron" thing again and @poorlittleyaoyao please understand that I am thinking of this constantly since you made that post talking about it because I'm just.

holding my head in my hands bc ye gods the cql show writers were genre savvy in ways that are hilarious but also make me feel like I've been hit upside the head with a waffle iron.

For those of us who are no longer damaged by the post or hadn't seen it (I don't actually know where it's gone bc the search feature doesn't work on this webbed site):

Xuantie/Dark Iron is a Jin Yong created metal that famously was used for the blade of the Dragon Slaying Sabre in the third novel of the Condor Trilogy, 倚天屠龍記/The Heavenly Sword and Dragon Saber.

The Heaven Reliant Sword 倚天劍 was created from Yang Guo and Xiao Longnv's Gentleman and Lady swords, whilst the Dragon Slaying Saber 屠龍刀 was created from Grandmaster Dugu Seeking-a-Loss's Dark Iron Sword.

Can we please all take a moment to appreciate how NHS's fan not his saber, NHS, from The Family With The Sabers, gets to shout about how his fan is made of xuantie. The most famous for being the metal that made up The Dragon Slaying Saber. His fan. Not his saber. his fan. dark iron. Dragon Slaying Saber. This is so funny I'm about to mcfucking lose it yet again while typing this.

Going back to Grandmaster Dugu Seeking-A-Loss (who appears in both Return of the Condor Heroes and Xiao Ao Jianghu) and his giant pet condor (sadly, only a ROCH feature) who might've been his one true soulmate for a second, this situation from episode 7, when the Yunmeng Siblings are leaving the Cloud Recesses:

Now, the subtitles here really DO NOT do this line justice because when I first saw it it took me FLAT THE FUCK OUT and I had to lie on the floor laughing for like, 80 seconds before I got my breath back.

Okay, what this line ACTUALLY says is "I am Dugu Qiubai (Grandmaster Dugu Seeking-A-Loss), what's wrong with seeking a match?"

Now, to understand this, we come to this backstory on Dugu Qiubai in XAJH:

“Senior master Dugu Seeking-A-Loss, who created this set of sword techniques, had a name ‘Seeking-A-Loss.’ He had been seeking a loss all his life and still couldn’t get one. Once the sword techniques were executed, he would become unmatched anywhere in the world. Why would he have to defend? If anyone could have forced him to draw his sword back and defend himself, the respectful master would have burst with joy and be delighted beyond measure.” Feng Qingyang said. “Dugu Seeking-A-Loss, Dugu Seeking-A-Loss,” Linghu Chong muttered as he imagined how the senior master had wandered about the Martial World, unmatched anywhere, with only his sword, and couldn’t even find a single one who was capable of forcing him into a defending stance. That was truly admirable.

from Chapter Ten of XAJH: Sword Training.

"If anyone could force him to draw his sword back to defend himself, the grandmaster would have burst with joy and be delighted beyond measure" DO YOU SEE WHY JC STARTED CALLING WWX SHAMELESS NOW. they're JUNIORS. WWX is calling himself "the greatest man of all, who'd sought the feeling of losing just ONCE being forced to defend himself just ONCE in a LIFETIME" and saying "LWJ might be my equal. my soulmate. the loss I was seeking my whole life."

All 15 years of it I'm sure, WWX.

I'm not going to get into finding martial arts manuals or a respected grandmaster who taught you incredible things in a cave bc 1) LHC and Feng Qingyang up there are sitting together, in a cave and LHC is being taught incredible things and 2) Duan Yu from Demi-Gods and Semi-Devils once found the magic finger lasers of ultra laser in a cave. In front of the statue of a goddess. (don't talk about the dancing goddess statue now, Tav. We don't have time for that in this post.)

Not kidding the intertextuality of CQL and how much it plays with and against the tropes of its genre, especially other wuxia tv adaptations as well as wuxia novels is insane. There's other ones I'm missing for certain and these were just the most funny to me, personally, but! just! oh my god! insane! insane! SO funny, so clever in so many ways

[floofballsammy]

Guys I am ready to go to my grave right now holy shit.

I just watched some Unus Annus clips with my headphones, and didn't notice my dad standing behind me WHILE A CLIP OF THE COOKING WITH SEX TOYS VIDEO WAS PLAYING. SPECIFICALLY THE ONE WHERE THEY'RE EATING THE BREAKFAST.

PLEASE SOMEONE KILL ME I CAN NEVER LIVE THIS DOWN.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

costume design, set mockup, and rehearsal photos from this guide to the show that's like really thorough in providing Context like, mini articles about the creators of the original movie, musical, and movie musical, about other versions of productions, the history, quotes of other commentary, interview quotes, context of other / preexisting genres like b movies, faustian stories, "what if a plant was weird" stories, glossary of terms (such as references that may generally be less obscure if you were in the '60s, e.g.), suggested further reading....haven't read it top to bottom but i think it's fantastic, link to the pdf as post source

[repurposedmeatlocker]

Pls don't ask me to recommend a season to watch of a long-running TV program. My ass is just going to say "I liked season 1 episode 1. It really grabbed me and made me want to see more."

[watery-melon-baller]

once again i am frustrated because i cannot understand this when it is not at all that difficult I wanna understand it so bad please please please