#I don't even know what would help
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i'm ready to try
#This drawing is kind of personal to me#I recently graduated (CUM LAUDE WOOOO!!!!) and its like. not to get depressing#but when i was younger i was never sure whether i would make it to this point#When i was going through what i consider to still be like. the worst time of my entire life#This fictional character was there for me and she was something for me to latch onto and cope with#eGem helped me a lot with being able to process my emotions at the time but also helped me to reflect on myself#which i think is a big reason as to why I'm really happy with where i am with myself right now#I'm going off to uni next school year to study astronomy!!! which!!!#Im also doing because of eGem!!! She ignited this kind of childlike wonder for space for me#I love doing math and physics and whilst Im still a bit scared because. honestly i don't know whether this is what i want to do with my lif#I think i'll be okay either way#either way i wanted to draw egem again even if i haven't done so in a while because its like#i think i wouldnt be who i am without her. i think i'd be a lot worse off#so like. thank you empires smp thank you geminitay thank you egem This drawing is me expressing my gratitude#AND THANK YOU AUTISM!#empires smp#empires smp s1#empiresblr#esmp#geminitay#art#fanart#alice.art#mcyt#mcytblr#song is andromeda by weyes blood... obv.. you guys know me by now :oP
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(breathing into a paper bag) FRALIO....
can't believe they gave us another guy. oh my god. so I guess Kelka is more, uhhh, more OOO then, and Fralio is Ankh? not that it matters too much, although they do seem to be doing something with the connected Riders so. who knows. anything goes! or if I may, anything gOOOes! god. of course they're the Ambition parallel. of course they are. oh my god.
fortunately there's nothing else they can throw at me right now that could possibly --
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
#art#ride kamens#ride kamens spoilers#OKAY i am caught up through show my cards so i feel more confident about going into main story part 2#unless there's some absolutely wacky lore thrown into the fun rollerblades event WHO KNOWS AT THIS POINT#extra excited for these guys now! can't wait to meet them properly :D#gosh though i am so afraid for jou in part 2#he's grown on me so much and i can't help but think getting backstory so soon is an ominous sign#especially for a wisdom guy i mean COME ON#i'm getting kiriya vibes and i don't like where this is heading#on the one hand if they legit kill off a character in their joseimuke gacha game...i mean. respect.#but also i want jou to be okay :(#i want everyone to be okay except maybe taiten because what is even going on with him#me yesterday: oh i don't think he's straight-up evil :) now let me just finish up the space event...#taiten: let's talk about plan DOMINATE PLANET#damnit taiten#tangentially i do think it would be EXTREMELY funny if the whole soun thing was a fakeout and murakumo was just some other dude entirely#soun's soft spot for uryuu and dislike for taiten is entirely coincidental#(probably based around the fact that taiten is INCREDIBLY evil) (or is he) (i mean yes)#he's multilayered he doesn't need a narrative reason to have opinions about other characters what are you his MOM
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🤨
bonus:
#good omens spoilers#gos2spoilers#good omens#good omens season 2#goodomensedit#aziraphale#crowley#og post#gifs#the thesis of this gifset is:#“aziraphale lies BADLY to crowley's FACE repeatedly for no reason and crowley ALWAYS takes him at his word#but crowley's the demon so he's the one who lies. apparently"#i just think its hilarious#and the fact that crowley doesn't notice aziraphale lying despite the fact he knows how he lies (see: Job) because “why would he lie to ME”#i don't think crowley thinks the inverse of aziraphale (“you're an angel. its not what you do”) because he KNOWS he lied to heaven#(again see:Job)#this took so fucking long i'd open photoshop and my computer would shit itself#even worse if i dare opened a longer video to make into several gifs#sacrificed my Firefox window to my computer like a newborn lamb so that photoshop may live but it barely even helped#apparently i do NOT have the needed ram for gifmaking#i mean i did do it. i completed it. but still#though it worked a bit better after i restarted my computer. so. maybe i should do that more frequently lmao#i tried to include “i'm a demon. i lied” but it just did not. fit. quite right
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eleven is fascinating to me because he came right off the back of tens horrible traumatic breakdown after he lost everything and he immediately tried to establish himself as the opposite of that. he is funny and goofy and almost childlike, and he bulldozes on in his adventures with amy like nothing happened at all. but then something happens and his masks slips and it's like oh! the core of this man is still anger. he is so so angry all of the time and this façade is the only thing stopping him from being consumed by it. he isn't over any of it and he hasn't moved on. he is wearing a fez and laughing but under that all that exists is age old anger and grief and it is going to consume him
#i do think that this pit of anger was eventually covered and soothed by the ponds#but he didn't adress it and he couldn't even look at it until he was twelve#when he stopped pushing back and repressing everything and finally allowed himself to exist as he was#but ok listen#its all layed out in the first 3 episodes of season 5 and in the way amy sees him#episode 1. here is the new doctor he is energetic and reeling and fun#episode 2. the space whale comparison. here is the new doctor. he is unthinkably ancient and almost godlike but he is so so kind#and patient and good. he is ancient and lonely but he can't stand to see children cry. so the doctor helps people#episode 3. daleks. the doctor is a soldier. these are his age old enemies. he wants them dead and he will stop at nothing#all logic and reason vanish. he is hitting the dalek with a pipe and yelling his head off while amy watches in horror#like obviously we know why but amy didnt#this is not a sane or rational man he is unstable and angry#and in that episode he was stripped back to what he largely is: hate#you would make a good dalek ect ect ect#anyway 3 episodes with 3 very distinct and equally definitely traits layed out like: here you go#i don't like elevens era much but those first 3 episodes were great#doctor who#eleven#amy#eleventh doctor#matt smith#dr who#dw#i mean idk this is what river literally had to spell out for him#eleven was careening completely out of control#how long til doctor means warrior indeed?#mine
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has anyone gotten the idea that odysseus' storyline in hades 2 is a depiction/exploration of trauma over his SA and how he's blaming himself for things that were out of his control? because that's the impression i'm getting from what i've seen. he talks about "goddesses" as his "greatest weakness" and that "he's not one to say no to them"...
when mel invites him to the bath, he brings up mortals having different standards for intimacy than gods and how it usually has a more romantic/sexual connotation. she then asks if he's uncomfortable and he has a startled reaction and brings up circe and calypso again (but never actually by name)
(this isn't ship/romance bait btw. odysseus knew mel as a kid and they're stated in-game to have a sibling/uncle-niece relationship)
also he grew apart from penelope after his return, but the game makes a point of showing that his love for penelope and telemachus is what drove him on at all so that element of his character isn't brought into question
#i made a post abt it but deleted it bc it was speculating and i don't have the game bc i don't have a pc#but i found more screenshots and now.. i think it's a VERY real possibility they're going in this direction.#circe is in this game also. so i really need to see whether odysseus has any character specific dialogue about her#hard life when you can't even play the game and are hunting down bits of story from other people#hades game tag#hades 2 spoilers#sa mention#hades 2#hades game#odysseus#penelope#i don't have any hard coping shipper brain on or anything but like. just. thinking about where his character can go given what we know#guaranteed penelope will be in this game too from how much she's brought up. we'll probably meet her on the surface#SO ITS LIKE. story wise. are we going to make a wife forgive her husband for cheating on her#or are we going to make a guy realize him being assaulted wasn't the same thing as him cheating on the love of his life#and i am heavily leaning towards the latter.#it's like if he genuinely did cheat on her and they grew apart what direction would his story go in.#how will us as the player help him in the same way we helped achilles/patroclus or orpheus/eurydice
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Always a bit puzzled by people saying that anyone who wanted long-term consequences for TotK Zelda's sacrifice are "edgy".
I'm not even particularly in the camp that she should have remained a dragon forever (I think this should have been Ganondorf's fate, it would have been sooo much more impactful than to explode him and move on but anyway). To be honest, I wish the rules for turning back would have been 1) clear 2) active gameplay on the player so that it feels like it's something we have earned, and 3) not make her have amnesia about it and/or at least having her gain some crucial insight because of the experience.
(also: doesn't she crave knowledge? isn't that insanely mean to have her watch over every civilization and every bit of history ever and then take it away from her? kind of dislike how totk privileges the comfort of the player's feelings over what the characters would actually want or need tbh)
To be perfectly honest, I fully expected us needing to turn her back before engaging Ganondorf so we would fight him together, especially since Zelda as a compagnon exists in the game code already (though in a very subdued state). It feels very very strange to me that all of this mechanic of Sages following us existing and yet we never have the very climactic cool Zelda-staple moment of facing Ganondorf or Ganon together (OoT, WW, TP, ST and probably more that I'm forgetting all did this in some way --even BotW had Zelda more involved than in TotK). I'm not sure Mineru was a compagnon that was needed over Zelda honestly, especially given the kind of non-insight she gives us on the zonai (even if the idea of the mecha is cool, it really could have been Zelda using her zonai + sheikah knowledge to pilot one for us or something).
But anyway: yeah, even if this isn't what I would have wanted personally, I think wanting Zelda to remain a dragon is kind of arguably more respectful of her relationship to Link, in a way, that what the game ended up doing. When she enacted this sacrifice, Zelda decided to trust him to such a extent that she lost herself, reciprocated his trust in her and his devotion to her, and now the future of Hyrule exists beyond her and beyond what Hyrule once was, but she trusts them to follow through and be happy and she will watch over them from the stars moving on. It's fine if we manage to save her from that fate, but even if we don't, honestly this sounds like a beautiful story/tragic romance to me, if you want to read it that way. Tragedy doesn't necesserily involve edginess. Fictional pain isn't always mean, or out to get you.
#totk#totk critical#zelda#link#when will my brain return from the imprisoning war...#take it from me: a professional edgelord#but genuinely I was quite disappointed when I realized I wouldn't get to fight alongside Zelda at all#I thought for sure the first descent was a setup for the final descent when we would be reunited#and then confront Ganondorf together#I don't know to me that would have just made sense#she's the one with the most beef with that man Link is honestly just here so she doesn't have to call an über afterward#link doesn't have half as much reasons to want ganondorf dead as zelda does#which didn't help the feeling that I had as much emotional investment in the situation than the friend you call when you get in trouble#ganondorf isn't even directly responsible for zelda returning to the past NOR turning into a dragon! the guy has no idea what's going on!#anyway. this game's plot is very weird.
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I imagine Vasco and Ludovica have a big painting (portrait but with two people) in Vasco's house (probably his father insisted of getting one of these, people used to do it in the old days, especially wealthy ones). While it's very serious and formal, in the way all these portraits were, it is also very intimate (at least it's implications). I imagine Machete just staring at it sometimes, feeling small while looking at the big painting. And sad, maybe jealous but I don't think he'd resent Ludovica. He, most of all, understands.
.
#I have a feeling he doesn't visit Vasco's estate that often#the situation is crystal clear to him and everyone involved is on the same page#but he can't help feeling like an intruder in their home#it reminds him of what he can't have and makes him fear he will never measure up to Vasco's lawfully wedded wife#he's petty and insecure and watching the two play off each other so naturally still puts a pit in his stomach#he doesn't resent Ludovica on a rational level he thinks she's a smart brave and overall quite likable person in fact#but can't really relax in her presence either#plus even though she's friendly and welcoming she can be kind of assertive and candid and Machete tends to read that negatively#answered#anonymous#Vaschete scenarios#Vaschete lore#I don't think they interact often (why would they) but he could have a distant but courteous relationship with Ludovica's partner#if they ended up alone in a room they might eventually have a few sparse and impersonal intercharges#and maybe feel a sense of lukewarm kinship and understanding even though they don't know each other
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Maybe it's a 'study finds water is wet' type of thought, but
considering it's an action movie whose overall plot is "immortal warriors Fuck Shit Up™️", I think it's significant that in The Old Guard the thing that makes Copley pull red strings through his Murder Conspiracy Board and say "[Merrick] doesn't care what [Andy]'s done with [her immortality]" is the people they save, not the ones they kill
Most of the Conspiracy Board is him circling random newspaper headlines and faces on old photographs to (more or less realistically) follow the immortals' treck through the world and big historical events. Which is, in-canon, not much different than putting portraits from different centuries next to a picture of Keanu Reeves and saying "they look the same, clearly Reeves is an immortal!"
But then there are the connections. A little girl holding Joe's hand in WW1 becoming the youngest (and first) woman to be awarded a Nobel Prize for Medicine (suck it, Kozak). Or the grandchild of a family that Andy saved from [something] helping people escape from the Khmer Rouge genocide in Cambodia.
They are warriors. They have fought and been in the midst of countless wars, major or minor, throughout history. They must have killed as many people as they saved... and yet.
It's not them taking out a random warlord or dictator or rabidly hateful politician that has tangible repercussions in history. It's the children and families they get out of war zones, save from accidents, protect from natural disasters. People to whom they give a second chance at life, and grow to change the world (or even just their own world), like a mysterious stranger once changed theirs just by holding out a hand or patching a wound.
I don't know I just think it's particularly neat
#my ponderings#the old guard#I know we all love to play the 'if you could go back in time and kill One Person who would it be' game#but I think a movie that makes it EXTREMELY SATISFYING to see the Bad Guys die -#- having 'actually the best and greatest changes happen when people help each other' as its underlying message...#it means something#I also think it connects to Andy feeling like nothing she does changes anything at the start of the movie#for 80% of her life you could Solve A Problem by Taking Out The Guy Causing The Problem#especially in battle! you kill the general and you win. if you win the Problem Is Solved#but then everything becomes More Complex. the Problems™️ are globalized and/or systemic.#and Winning a Battle means just killing people. it doesn't Stop The Problem (nor really end a war)#so it feels useless#and even when they save people... they can’t stay in people's lives for long because immortality#which means they can never know what happens to the people they save#they don't (and can't) have the full picture
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realizing i have. a lot of untapped trauma potential for clone^2 danny because i just Fully Processed Four Months Late the fact that his parents were capturing and torturing ghosts in the basement before he became Phantom. and the fact that he was on house rest for 2 weeks. during that time period. and he wasn't really leaving the house. he could hear their screaming through the floorboards
*points at clone danny* i can give you suuuuuuch a bad time babe ahaha. i've got two untouched years before you meet damian what fucks you up before then
#dpxdc#dp x dc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc crossover#dpdc#clone^2#danny fenton is a clone#like i dont even need to traumatize you worse the pure explorative options from this aLONE is enough to feed me for a week.#like. tucks hair behind ear let me shatter you into glass pieces then glue you back together babe. i can put you back together so good.#i'm missing a few shards because some parts of you broke into such small pieces i couldn't pick them back up again so you'll be missing a#few chunks of yourself that you'll never get back but that's okay. you'll still be a resemblance of your old self :]#don't let anakin (me) listen to late night sad songs he makes angst.#hhh imagine being stuck in a house for two weeks where you can hear your parents torturing ghosts in the basement and not only that but#you're the only person who can undERSTAND the ghosts. how many times did he see his parents drag in a ghost with whatever capturing device#they made recently? iirc the thermos was like. brand new in episode one right? but gOD the trauma this alone would cause#nobody touch me im cooking rn i need to think about how this would impact danny. like obvs it would fuel into a developing obsession to#keep his parents away from ghosts and to help the dead but what *else.* i need to refine my becoming phantom ficlet i wrote back in winter#raaa#and like even after two weeks they were *still capturing ghosts* danny just wasn't in the house 24/7 at the time.#*but those two fucking weeks man*#i need to sleep on this first before i make any major moves bc i know im tired but i am having thOUGHTs
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Cale's idea of being trash!!! 🤡
C..cale...!! 😑🤦♀️🤦♀️
.. Please..just....Why???
How?!!... Just what kind of logic is this?!!! 🤣🤣🤣
You were supposed to be smart !!!💀💀🤦♀️🤦♀️
#lcf#tcf#lout of the count’s family#trash of the count's family#lcf manhwa#lcf novel#lcf cale#cale henituse#unlucky bastard cale#oblivious cale#looting cale#cale you seriously need help!! (ToT)#what kind of thought process is this#why the hell would stealing from bad guys make you an even bigger trash??#that literally makes you a freaking Hero you stupid bastard!!#crazy unlucky oblivious (self proclaimed trash) hero Cale Henituse#i don't know if I want to laugh or cry at this
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People be like, how you doing? And I'm like, Loop is never going to see their family again.
#Isat#Isat spoilers#Isat loop#I'm just. Thinking so hard.#About Loop and what happened at the end of the loops#And what dev said about when you restart the game#Is it a different loop is it the same loop will loop every be free?#Did loop wish themself into a new loop of helping other thems reach their goal?#Either way.... Loop will never see their family again. Because they have Changed and their family has not.#God fuck fuck I love them and I hate them in equal measures#If I ever met them I don't even know what I would do first#Probably give them contact information to a real good therapist???#But honestly I think I'd hug them if they'd let me cause I would burst into tears if they were real#Loop is my worst nightmare because I was loop and I think that's the bad part of the whole ordeal#What do you do when your family can not help you but you help yourself? Are the bonds the same? Different?#How do you reconcile that with your love for your family?#God this little bitch makes me feel so much
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You know I wasn't going to post about this, but the more I think about it the more it drives me up the walls
So when Luffy and co release Crocodile from jail, it's specifically under the threat that if Crocodile tries anything funny, well, Iva-chan has a trick up their sleeve to put Crocodile back in-line.
So what the fuck was that actually about? What is Crocodile's secret weakness? I'm specifically looking at the way this is phrased in the manga, because the anime's added dialogue kinda messes with what's implied here. But what Iva specifically says is that Ivankov in particular holds the key to one of Crocodile's weaknesses, but they'll stay quiet about it as long as Crocodile behaves himself ("Vataashi wa koitsu no yowami wo hitotsu nigitteru", a very clunky but literal translation could be "One of his weaknesses is within my grasp". The way Viz translated the line is a bit different so I'm not bothering with getting a cap of the panel, you wouldn't be able to tell how these lines were phrased in Japanese based on Viz's translations anyways) (The dialogue Toei added was Crocodile furiously shouting at Iva-chan, telling them to not say anything and Iva-chan reminding Croc to watch his tone or else they'll reveal Croc's past to everyone. A lot of people don't remember this was in-fact added by Toei, hence I wanted to clarify/remind what happened in this scene originally)
And now. Obviously. When Oda went out of his way to introduce a brand new character whose entire personality is being queer and their power is giving people magic HRT. And then like five chapters later re-introduces Crocodile. And tells us that these two have Secret Beef. And never proceeds to fucking tell us what the hell that was about. Yes, the natural conclusion one would come to would be that Crocodile is stealth trans. That is basic, good storytelling. You (re)introduce two characters, tell us they have beef, one has a very specific ability; you're supposed to connect these dots in your mind. So that now, if Oda revealed to us tomorrow that Crocodile was canonically trans, it would not surprise anyone because it's already been set-up in the story, by this very scene. It's a logical conclusion.
But. I'm becoming more and more convinced that Iva-chan's blackmail might actually not be about Crocodile being trans.
Like the general fandom assumption for the past 15 years has been that Crocodile's stealth trans, but we actually don't know he's stealth. He could be openly trans, and between that being a borderline requirement for Crocodad to be real (since he would've been a Shichibukai for years before Luffy was even born) and the possibility that his earring could specifically be a gay earring, like. Yeah. Crocodile could be openly trans. If Crocodile's perfectly happy to let the whole world know he's gay, then him being trans shouldn't have to be a secret either. We the readers could just be unaware of it because it wasn't relevant information to us, and his transition would be old ass news in-universe and not worth bringing up.
And thus, if Crocodile isn't stealth, then Iva-chan can't blackmail him by threatening to out him, becaus he can't be outted.
Now for a while I did considder that Iva-chan could've been actually threatening to detransition Crocodile if he tried anything funny. Surely he would hate that, so much so that he might not have wanted to even hear Ivankov suggest it. But thinking about it. Unless Iva-chan can use Armanent Haki or get Crocodile moisturized, they shouldn't be able to hit Crocodile actually. Like Croc's Logia makes him impossible to hit unless he specifically allowed himself to be touched. So even if Iva-chan tried to surprise attack Crocodile with Estrogen, Croc should just turn to sand automatically, the attack should not land.
Meaning Iva-chan shouldn't be able to detransition Crocodile against his will, at least not without Haki and we don't know if they can use it, so that can't be Crocodile's weakness either.
And so we have to ask the question. What the fuck is that weakness then that Ivankov mentioned?
All we really know is that Crocodile doesn't want this weakness to be brought up, it's a secret. And for all we know Iva-chan might be the only person in the world who knows about it.
And I just. Like.
There is one weakness, kind of a universal one that many people could have, one that has been brought up time-and-time again post-timeskip, one that has become more and more relevant in the story, especially now at the begining of the Final Saga.
A secret weakness.
If pregnancy is what cracked Crocodile's egg and he transitioned immidiately/soon after giving birth, then it's entirely plausible Iva-chan could know Crocodile had a secret child. And surely he'd want nothing more than for his child to be safe, not end up in trouble because of him. And Ivankov most certainly could put that child in danger, especially now that Crocodile was officially no longer on the World Government's side, there'd be no protection for the baby. All Ivankov had to do was leak the information out, that Sir Crocodile had a child, and anybody who had beef with him could get their revenge by attempting to find the child.
Like I'm just saying. This could line up nicely, actually
#Moon posting#OP Meta#Sir Crocodile#Crocodad#Keyword COULD#I know one might WANT to argue that surely Ivankov wouldn't put someone's child in danger#But Iva-chan can be mean or cruel if they feel like it. Remember they had no intention to help Luffy nor Bon-chan Luffy not begged....#...for them to save Bon-chan while HE was on death's bed. And they did forcibly transition that prince (to be fair he did attack first etc)#Point is; If Crocodad Real then Iva-chan would know that Crocodile's Secret Child would be 17 by now#And even if they did leak the info about the child's existence as long as they don't know the child's name it might not do that much damage#Like it could send people on a wild goose chase to find the child but without any leads how could anybody find the kid#And again. The kid would be 17. Surely that's old enough for them to defend themselves if they did get discovered#And hey what's the alternative here. Ivankov outting a fellow queer. That's not exactly great either.#The blackmail's gonna be kinda fucked up regardless but also Crocodile did attempt to nuke 1 million people so who cares about his feelings
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Its funny remembering that in a way Mulciber and Avery are more respectful than The Marauders.
Cause The Marauders bully Lily's ex best friend Severus, despite James being in love with Lily and them claiming to be the good guys. Like bro if you want the girl befriend her best friend, damn.
And Mulciber and Avery, who are friends or acquaintances with Severus which is said by Lily, apparently don't do shit to Lily cause when she tries to get Severus to see how bad they are she only brings up the shit Mulciber did to Mary, someone Severus doesn't even know. Avery & Mulciber are clearly blood purists so they would obviously talk shit and I really think they'd talk shit about Lily wether they were friends with Severus or not cause she's a muggleborn and a gryffindor.
Yet Severus still hangs out with them and has no other issues with them especially cause he'd throw a fit if they talked shit about Lily. And if he did they'd clearly hex him cause they won't take shit from a half blood. Like wether they left Lily alone in an effort to keep Severus on their side to recruit him or not, they seemed smarter then the marauders. Cause while they didn't try to befriend her obviously, they knew if they wanted Severus on their side they didn't target the one person he truly cares about.
Now wether Mulciber and Avery were really close to Severus or not they still didn't target Lily or say shit cause I feel like they would considering how much James goes after her so they'd hear a lot about her. I feel like they'd attack her out of annoyance or berate her incase they thought she believed she was all that but apparently not cause Lily doesn't bring anything up and I know damn well she would have. Severus probably would have left them if they did.
#like even after their friendship ended#they'd have a reason to teach her a lesson after the incident wether they cared about severus or not#cause while they don't go after the marauders possibly because they used the bullying to their advantage to get Severus on their side#I feel they would have gone after her afterwards or atleast say cruel things about her while Severus was more vulnerable#but I feel like they didn't since Severus still joins them without hesitation Mulciber and Avery are probably the ones that talked severus#into thinking that if he joined the DEs that Lily would come back to him#like they knew how to get severus and the marauders specifically james didn't know how to get lily from the beginning#cause mul and avery had severus from the beginning cause he didn't think badly about them at all but lily thought badly about the marauders#while they still ended up with who they wanted at the end. I say Mulciber and Avery were better#they were dicks clearly but they achieved what they wanted first before the marauders did#their friendship ending help both parties more but if sev was actually in love with lily mul & avery would have convinced him#that joining the DEs would make him more desirable to lily if their friendship hadn't falled apart or they did it from the beginning#cause its said thats what Severus thought and I feel it was Mulciber and Avery who made him think that#severus snape#mulciber#avery#lily evans#hp#random#random shit#anti marauders#I keep adding tags afterwards so I'm done now#no more tags#this is all my opinion its what I think
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One thing I think about a lot is that when Nargothrond falls, it is heavily implied that as good as everyone perished or, if not, got captured. Like, unlike with the Fall of Doriath, there is no mention at all of any refugees removing to the Mouth of Sirion - and yet, I assume that is very likely where Celebrimbor, at least, went? I definitely think he would have fought, but clearly he survived and neither Doriath nor Gondolin really were an option for him, and I doubt even more that he would have gone back to his family.
And there are a lot of implications to all that, but maybe the one that keeps me up most is that this means he would have likely been there when the refugees of Doriath arrived, when they told of what his family did. That his father is dead. What would he have been thinking? What would the survivors of Doriath been thinking? Like, I know there were technically several different camps to some extent, but I doubt they would have been wholly separate, especially upon arrival. What kind of horror to find someone who looks just like one of those guys who just slaughtered your friends and family. What kind of horror to look like someone who just committed such horrors.
He also would have been there when the third kinslaying occurred, or at least very close to it. What an experience, to end up on the other side of it. To see exactly what might have become of him had he not foresworn his father years ago, and also to see yet again what became of his family. Like yeah, everything before/during the Nargothrond Disaster would have already been formative for him and his future choices, but I do feel even being in the vicinity of all of that would have been such a dire reinforcement of all those convictions and reasons that made him disavow them in the first place. And especially in terms of the third kinslaying, it's also why I personally really doubt that there is a chance at any kind of reconciliation with any of the brothers, whether it's his father or I don't know, Maedhros or Maglor. Like, I just don't think there is any coming back fromt hat, really, if there ever was.
#*mine#mona's rambling#tolkien#the silmarillion#celebrimbor#feanorians#silm#like i mean obviously you don't need to be affected to realize That Shit Sucked#but can you imagine looking down a sword and seeing your uncle who helped raise you. how do you even BEGIN to process that#there is a whole other matter of tyelpe being in/around the camp that had a silmaril but that's a post for another time lmao#also i mean galadriel - would she have been there after doriath's fall?#I'd assume she would have fought there too so that would make her end up on the other side of a feanorian kinslaying TWICE#like. these are the things that make me want to chew through drywall PLS#did they know elros and elrond before they were taken? what did they think maglor and maedhros would or wouldn't do to them? LIKE#i don't even think there is a solid straight-forward answer to that that's right or wrong i just like bouncing it around my head and going#insane. btw#anyway these tags are a mess don't mind me
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do u think that um. yk Julian was having a rough time in the later seasons. and ofc he wants to talk abt it, wants someone to help him process it, wants someone to just listen. but it's not easy to talk abt. and he wants to talk to Garak, wants Garak to know what's going on in his life, wants to be vulnerable and be met with support and care. but Garak is so emotionally unavailable and so unwilling to break his pleasant facade and so unwilling to deviate from their little social script. he was taught never to show care or vulnerability. and Julian gets so tired of playing their little game when, god, there's a war going on, his life is falling apart, can't Garak even acknowledge how bad things are for both of them? he doesn't need witty retorts, he needs sincerity. and Garak can't give him that. so he withdraws from their friendship. and it's not that Garak doesn't care. it's not that he doesn't want to help. but sincerity and vulnerability were beaten out of him a long time ago, and he doesn't know how to take off his mask. even just acknowledging genuine emotion is practically impossible for him. and maybe that's why ASIT is the apology that it is. it's saying, here, I've learned to be honest, I've learned to be vulnerable. I know the harm I caused you by refusing to acknowledge pain, so here's a whole book of me acknowledging pain.
#this is entirely projection idk if this is at all supported by the text#for the record I am garak here. gosh who knew it could hurt the ppl u love when u refuse to be emotionally vulnerable at all?#god I don't know. it's so hard. how do I look someone in the eyes and say I care. I love you. I want you to be okay. tell me what's wrong#I don't know how to deviate from the pleasant little social script we've rehearsed so many times#even when I know it's all a facade. when we're both refusing to acknowledge the emotional undercurrent of it all.#I want to help you. but that would require me to confront the impossibly big feelings I have abt it. and I can't. I just can't#I'm sorry#sigh. god knows if garak can overcome his repression then I can too. give me another few years. if you're still alive by then#ok to rb LMAO#narcissus's echoes#ds9
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The Dream (The Angel's Kiss)
Based on the sculpture by Auguste Rodin (1905)
(Censored just in case even though it's nothing explicit, uncensored under the cut)
"I remember you, something about you... coming to me, and sinking into me, and giving me breath again. . ."
#Guys I'm incredibly normal and casual about gpi trust me#<- Guy who has drawn them as paintings and sculptures 100% seriously no irony#I'm really scared of posting this like actually. have i reached the limit of cringe. is this too serious.#posting this is making me question everything. you don't even KNOW#Wdym this is about a niche little gay production (of an already weird play)#which has exactly one full recording where these guys are 5 pixels tall#OKAY I'M STOPPING RN#WHAT HAS TO HAPPEN WILL HAPPEN IG#I know this'll probably just end up getting 10 notes cause it's about gpi#BUT I'M SCARED MAN.#PLEASE I'M NOT A FREAK OR A WEIRDO PLEASE GUYS PLEASE#sorry i ranted in tags do you guys still think I'm cool#gruesome playground injuries#sculpture#doug gpi#corey gpi#I'm gonna be so honest with you guys rn#i loooooove drawing their scars#The amount of shirtless drawings of them in my sketchbook would drive the exactly 3 people who care about this play crazy#I SWEAR I PROMISED TO STOP RANTING#I CAN'T HELP IT#MILO ART#traditional art#pencil#watercolor#cw nudity#YEAH I THINK THAT'S IT#auguste rodin#queer
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