#I don't do self-harm by hate-watching stuff

[charliedawn]

Hey, I don't see any post saying requests are closed. Please correct me it I'm wrong, and I'll resend this ask when they're open :)

I saw one of your slasher posts about an new patient who was an omega and I've been wondering how a/b/o au slashers would react to a beta new patient who they saw as their own pup?(basically everyone is a father figure to this kid lol) I love platonic fluff and you're one of the few slasher writers who write platonic stuff and I love your writing, please stay hydrated and have a good day! :D

Here you go 😁 And thank you.

Freddy Krueger:

"You and I…we gonna be best buddies."

Freddy is a beta. Meaning: no real dominance or protective instincts.

He’d basically laugh his ass off while you run around and cause havoc or eat popcorn with Pennywise while they watch.

He’d train you in the ways of 'don’t give a toss' and 'get outta my way, bitch'.

Freddy would still protect you if he sees you in real danger, but he’d be the type of cool dad who just wants to chill and walk around in flip flops.

Brahms Heelshire:

Brahms would be a worry heart.

He’d worry 24/7 about you.

Have you eaten ? Have you drank ? Have you slept well ? Are you hurt ? Do you wanna play ?…

He’d cry his eyes out if he sees a scratch on you and whoever would dare cause you harm would end up beaten up.

Brahms is strong—even though he is an omega. He’d be the one to take care of you and make sure you’re perfectly safe.

Arthur Fleck:

Arthur would give you the best advice. He’s a beta—but used to be an omega. He’d have the heart without being overemotional about things.

"Don’t worry, things can look up. You just gotta wait and see."

"Be a doll and smile. Smiling will open up many doors for you."

"Do not listen to Freddy, sweetie. He is a bad influence. Matter-of-fact ? Do not listen to anyone else but me and Michael."

He would be your voice of reason in your darkest moments, but don’t ALWAYS listen to him because he is a patient for a reason…

Penny:

Overpossessive. Overprotective. Overthinking. Overdoing.

Penny would be the embodiment of "over-the-top". Doesn’t have any chill and would bite and scratch if anyone as much as looks at you the wrong way.

He can also read minds…which can be kind of a problem.

Penny *growls at a nurse* : "I DARE you to say what you want to say, coward."

He would also be very playful and play with you all day long. He’s got unending energy and would even put on shows for you.

Michael Myers:

Michael would be the only responsible one, as the Alpha of the slashers.

He’d make sure to never allow you near his knives or any sharp objects. He’d teach you self-defense. He’d also cook for you and teach you all of his skills (non-lethal)

He would also protect you but, would always use a weapon that won’t be too traumatic for your adorable self…like a baseball batt or a something else to just knock out the person who dared attack your person.

But Myers ? Myers would kill for you.

Myers has no parental instinct or remorse.

He kills because he can.

Father Paul Hill:

Father Paul—as a Beta—would protect you with his life. He always wanted to be a father and would immediately take you under his wing.

Comparing to other slashers, you could almost call him a pacifist. He would never start a fight. Never.

He would teach you and give you a proper education. He would also take care of you and give you the affection you need.

And if you get hurt ?

He’d protect you—no matter the cost.

Father Paul *covered in blood and crying* : "No…No no no…Not again. Please. Not again."

Patrick Bateman:

Patrick Bateman would teach you how to kill and get away with murder. He is a Beta himself, but always hated that title because he always saw himself as an Alpha.

He’d explain to you the human anatomy and how to chop off a body in the most efficient and effective way possible.

He would also teach you the ways of society and bureaucracy like no one else could. Patrick is very observant and dangerous. He has no empathy.

Meaning: Make sure he KEEPS liking you.

Patrick *looking at you and wondering if having a kid is worth it and how he’d do it to get rid of you before smiling and locking the thought into a very far away box at the back of his mind*

Vincent Sinclair:

Vincent is an Omega. He would fight tooth and nail to protect you.

He’d also let you braid his hair and you’d draw together or do some fun artsy activities.

He’d show you how to do pottery and play with clay to make animal shapes or even human-like.

But, Vincent is in therapy and is being closely monitored and watched so he wouldn’t show you how to make wax people.

He would also be very affectionate with you and give you a lot of hugs, unlike Bo who would just pat your head and call it a day.

Jack Torrance:

"Let’s get takeout." Jack’s favourite sentence.

Jack would be a very lazy and chill kinda dad for a beta. He would take you to movies or read you a book.

He also loves food so…he’d get you pizza or nachos and you’d just settle on the couch with him and do nothing—just chilling.

He’d be the dad you go to when you don’t wanna do anything and you’re tired. He’d also be the type to live in his pajamas and tell you that it’s too early at 1pm.

You would then just sleep or he’d tell you things about his old life if he’s up for it.

He would protect you if you are in danger, but he would make sure that you don’t get into trouble in the first place cause you can’t do no wrong when you’re chilling all day…

[scarefox]

The way some people straight up deny soft criticism of the BL industry (stuff that isn't even a secret if you don't close your eyes and ears!!!) Criticism by literally LGBTq people working in said BL industry in Thailand..... basically one of the only ones who's voice are most valid here in this discourse. That's not hypocrism of people working in the industry to open their mouth! That's called self-awareness and using this genre to convey a message and trying to fix issues. This is about Step by Step and Lovely Writer atm. But those are not the only dramas who brought up some critic but somehow people get salty now about that little poke from SbS? Did you sleep the past 3 years?? And it's not a coincident that it's always the same topics certain BL dramas brought up!

I feel like some people here don't get that you can criticize your own work place, your own industry, your own country WITHOUT hating, shaming or demonizing it completely! Yall need stop this black & white thinking and the constant urge to feel personally attacked by something like this...

Especially the message of LW (the same people who make SbS now) was that there is nothing wrong about loving BL stories and they do like producing them. BUT that there are some things in the industry that are bad and harmful NOT ALL OF IT, SOME THINGS! Like the treatment of actors and certain topics by companies and producers. And the main theme of LW: the toxic overstepping and overcontrolling shipping culture that can (and did) destroy real life relationships / friendships under the weight of the pretend relationship (pretend as in they are not dating for real (everyone knows that! or should know that! this is also not even a secret if you watch interviews outside of the fun and couple game shows) at least in most of the cases.... in some rare ones yes, in some very rare cases some actors actually date but they are too afraid to come out due to homophobia and the way the industry & fandom treats those cases (source Dr. Thomas Baudinette who studies the industry as a form of queer asian media and interviewed companies and actors since years... somewhere in this he talks about actor relationships, I can't find the time stamp atm))

ALSO the point about exploiting the LGBTq community is NOT about the fans or LGBTq audience who love these dramas. But about businesses and literal Thailand itself. For using those stories and actors / couples for advertising, for marketing, for tourism even. BUT at the same time some don't care for real life LGBTq issues and rights or the fact that Thailand is still not agreeing on equal marriage (which is not just about them not being able to marry but they get denied a lot of things married couples get. alone the fact that they can't see their partner in the case of an emergency in the hospital because 'they are not family'). In the said SbS scene they were literally discussing which pretend couple has the most fans and how they could use their fandom and fan clubs to gain profit. Don't you guys get how fucking frustrating this is for the LGBTq people and allies who work in the BL industry, to get paraded in front of the camera for money and image but still don't get treated equally??? THAT is what they mean with exploiting.... And it's a lot of producers, writers and some actors who voice those points, not just these few self-aware BL dramas. But doing it through the medium they adress is the best way to reach the right people, to make the right people aware and ask for their support. Since they can't say such things directly (even though they should) unless they want to lose their job, they still like to a degree.

And I am sorry but the opinion of actual thai people who are inside that industry is more valid than some random fan who just doesn't want to understand those things in order to enjoy their shows without feeling bad.... What if I tell you that you can do both and that this is not about shaming you or making you feel guilty (unless you participate in toxic overstepping behavior or are actually LGBTq-phobic, then yes feel guilty)! Acknowledging issues, supporting to fix those issues and still have fun with these dramas and actors.... Those things can and do coexist and nobody said otherwise!!

[straycalamities]

Entre's 12th Anniversary Big Birthday Bash!

Alright! So I'd say in about 11 hours, we're gonna start the festivities for Entre's birthday/blog anniversary! He'll be turning [redacted] years old today! And his blog is turning 12 :) (Sorry about the short-notice. It took me this long to come up with something.)

Official start time is 12 PM (Noon) CT (UTC -5)

My plan is we start with a Magma board and have a good old fashioned draw party! If you want to check out Magma (or aggie.io as it was absorbed into Magma) ahead of time feel free to do so! You don't need an account to draw or chat, though! We'll do that for a couple of hours.

If you don't want to draw, feel free to put out prompts or suggestions for the ones that are drawing to pick up if they want! There's a chat feature in the Magma. (You click on your name on the top right to find it.)

(But, for the record, you don't need to be da Vinci to draw. Anyone can draw if they want to regardless of skill level.)

The board's limit is 30 people, and I don't think we're hitting it so feel free to pour in.

Then after that, we'll be headed to Hyperbeam to watch one of Entre's favorite movies: Inception! Unfortunately the viewer limit is 12 people so it'll be first come, first serve. :(

Of course it'll be the big guy all day and NOT me. So. Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain.

If you can't join for whatever reason, feel free to fill his inbox with gifts/birthday wishes! I'll get to them as I can. :)

Under the readmore is the courtesy rules so that we make sure everyone has a fun time. If you break them, it's a 3-strike system (you'll get warnings) before you're banned (on the 3rd strike) from whichever location we're at. That sounds big n scary, but they're easy to follow so don't stress much about it.

Overall Rules: (For clarification on anything just ask me/Entre.) Rules with * are insta-bans and not subject to 3-strike system.

No NSFW discussion or behavior.

No bigoted or hateful behavior. *

Stay as polite and respectful as possible. Take all beef elsewhere.

No ship wars. No askblog/onceler fandom OC favoritism or hate.

No heavy negativity, heavy topics, nor inflammatory topics.

No trolling of any kind. (harmless jokes/pranks okay, but always use discretion/best judgement)

Magma Rules:

Do not draw on or edit other people's drawings in any way without explicit permission from the artist.

No NSFW imagery.

No triggering imagery. (Like the basic stuff: self-harm, gore, etc. If you have a question on what you're allowed to draw, ask me/Entre.)

Do not abuse the Magma permissions/tools. (excessively making layers, moving layers around, etc.)

Do not draw outside your area/draw all over the whole canvas. Leave ample space for everyone to have a spot.

Hyperbeam Rules:

No spoilers.

Do not spam the chat.

The movie has been chosen and there will not be a different one, if you do not like the movie choice, you do not have to join.

[jazeswhbhaven]

The Encounter of Two Flames | React | Final!

I'm ngl I forgot I didn't do the last day lmaooo but let's do this nowwww.

Even though it's pretty much everyone has seen it already and there's no point in marking it as a spoiler I'm going to go ahead and dive in on this. Now if this is the first post you're seeing of my previous reacts: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

If you don't need any of dat, then let's get on with itttt *btw I was wrong and there were only 9 days for the story instead of 10*

But quick recap is that we were left off with Luci showing up to aid Satan after he helped Sitri get over his depressive self-harm moment that nearly burned the entire town down.

Because yah Satan did the thing and ripped his heart out so Sitri could drink his blood from the source like how they first met and junk.

So Luci gave Satan over to Paimon and now Rin is standing up too, the cutie.

Wait...who are you talking to??? <_<

FORASSSSSS???@?@?@?@>

He was spying on them the entire time, it's like I almost forgot Foras could do that lmao I just didn't think this would be remotely relevant...and this is the first time Foras got to meet Lucifer and he was very nice about it.

Wait, Bimet and Eligos now too????? AHHHH>>W>W>????

So Eligos and Bimet were there watching because they share borders and found this important. Eli does admit they should have helped but he's glad it worked out.

ngl Eli the shit was happening for quite a while ya'll sure waited quite a long ass time....

ANYWAYS

Apparently Beel was there well in fly form anyway too. Like did everybody pretty much just show up in Gehenna and just stood around waiting for what Satan would do, I'm kinda being salty about that but when you think about it Satan would of being like "nah"

Mammon ofc was like "Sitri belongs to me so I had to check" and I'm crying because even back then....oh Mammon the man that you are...

Rei is adorable he grabbed onto Luci's sleeve and was trying to say something and I'm like THE BABYYYYYY

He's like a stern older brother lmao

But yeah apparently Jjok can't speak with he is Rei so that answers some speculations. That literally means we won't be hearing that little ridiculous cute squeak toy voice come out of this hot man lol he's literally just silent.

Jjok is so mad lmao he's wondering why he can't speak in his high rank form. So even though we know he can't speak even he doesn't know why he can't.

Luci ofc is like "then don't transform" doing his blunt answer thing and Jjok is like "awh man but I look so coooooolllll" which is on point for his character.

Awh well Jjok has gotta love his fond family more for sure than just someone he admires. I think it's cute of him.

Luci just says to himself that Satan will always have people watching him no matter how small he is. (not everyone still dunking on him for his size goodness)

So we're back in Gehenna after this little scene and Sitri was on probation and all that stuff but Paimon and Leraye are encouraging him to rest up

What's this?

Nah Sitri who you fuckin'?

Tell the class...we won't jump you....cause ya know Solomon ain't there nor is MC so...

who you fuckinnnnnnnnnn

Oh a text? That's who you fuckin' probs I'm callin' it... lmao

So Satan is telling Sitri he's being too mean because the person everyone is wondering who is texting Sitri rn is none other than-

Yup Amy

And Sitri explains that he just wanted to know how he was feeling and that there was other stuff in the text message after that but he said "I ain't readin' all dat" and blocked him lmao

The energy from this devil is real.

Ppyong wonders though why it is that Sitri hates Amy so much when he's normally nice to everyone.

So, how I'm going to interpret this...

I think that Sitri sees himself in Amy, like the brute and feral part of himself that was uneducated and doing just whatever. That raw power and sense of being able to do whatever the fuck he wanted carelessly. He relates to Amy in so many ways it bothers him and he doesn't like being reminded of it, it's like looking at a constant mirror over and over of the behaviors you never want to see that you have of yourself deep down.

But at the same time he can't really blame Amy for that, but unfortunately that's his gripe and his grudge and he won't let go of it no matter what.

And also, it seems that Satan knows truly what it is but because his mischievous and entertained by their banter he doesn't want them to make up like ever.

ugh why won't bae answer my texts like????? LMAO i'm just messin' around.

But at the same time this shit is cute of him. Like he's honestly waiting on a response or like a huge paragraph of Sitri cussin' him out or something

he has a crush on Sitri so bad it's c r a z y.

But anyways he actually cares about him? That's super sweet. I told ya'll in the beginning it seemed like Sitri is way more harsh about their banter than Amy is. On his side it's more like boyish pranks whereas Sitri keeps doing shit to literally inconvenience or damn near kill him lmao

And then it says at the end of this event that the day of Sitri and Amy chilling out on their stuff has yet to come but Gehenna was at peace and their devils are strong and had their own bonds with one another.

And there we have it lovelies. The Satan and Sitri event which kinda felt more like a Sitri event again. I'm slightly disappointed as we didn't really get that much Satan lore and tons more about Sitri instead. I'm actually really starving on some Satan lore because already have so much of the other Kings and barely anything with him...

I'm wondering what the deal is about that. Do the devs just not like Satan as much so therefore put priority into his backstory and other things like his c a r d s on the back burner?

Justice for my OC's man like frfr he out here gettin' crumbs.

But anyways the reason I'd like more insight on him too is that I'm getting into Tokyo Revengers and since this is literally Satan and Belphie's territory in terms of their design and personality type, I'm really just like Y E S ? ? ? MORE??? WHEN ON THE BOIS DAMN.

At any rate I guess we'll all just have wait or just keep griping that we never get anything on Satan and maybe the devs will peep that and listennnn

But thank you all as always for sitting in and reading my stuffs <3 ya'll are cool. Stay simpin' for your faves. -your lovely adminnnnn

[ordo-core]

WELCOME TO

Mun-Zee (Mamuzzy) here! The purpose of this blog is to show my love and appreciation to Republic Commando and especially to one of it's main character, Ordo Skirata.

What is ORDO-CORE?

I made a Core account on bksy where I already integrated roleplaying elements into my posts, interacting with other people as Ordo, while sharing RepComm themed doodles and memes. This is something I'm aiming to replicate on this page.

My dear vod'ika Fi-Core introduced me to the Core Community (Coremunity) which goal is essentially to have fun. We are sharing memes, we are sharing each other's creations and overall the vibe is to create a friendly and chill environment for us and for everyone.

I have a sideblog called @/the-null-archive, but I missed the fun interactions with other people, so I figured, why not collect my favorite stuff here as well?

─── ･While I'm not plan to post explicit stuff, the blog is not suitable for minors.

─── ･ I still haven't decided if I want to post ship content besides the canon, but know that Ship and let Ship/Proship principle also active on this blog. Aggressive antis will be blocked.

─── ･Terfs/radfems/queerphobes/cristo-fascists/nazis/bigots/ableists/ everyone who promote harm against people will be blocked, no questions asked.

─── ･Just don't be a dick to people in general.

As for what you can expect...

I will reblog other people's RepComm fan creations/shitposts/memes too to keep them in the circulation and this way showing my appreciation for them.

If inspiration hit, I may draw reaction images for them. Overall I want to have fun with other RepCommers on my very social days playing as Ordo.

Answering to messages/comments/asks as Ordo.

Also doing text-reactions too!

ASK BOX is also open, and depending on your ask I might answer with artwork, text-form or meme.

Q: Can I mention (tag) you under posts?

A: Absolutely! My neurodivergent brain might need a bit of clarification exactly why you tagged me under some posts but if you think this is something I would appreciate or find interesting, I would gladly accept those mentions!

Q: Can I send you an ask?

A: My ask box is open for asks! Unless specifically asked for the mun, I will answer as Ordo either in art or text form. I may use other muses as well.

Because I like to make people smile.

Mental illness awareness and self-care is something that always on my mind and because Ordo is canonically on the Antisocial Personality Disorder spectrum - as well as showing traits of other PD-s, mental illnesses and autism -, I find it important to do occassional reassurances as well:

...

...

HE IS TRYING, OKAY????

I already posted Ordo-core content on my art blog, so here is the collection of my art, memes and toyphotos, and reaction pictures I uploaded so far!

Have fun on my blog!

Mun-Zee

✦Fishing with the Nulls ft Fi-Core

✦Eggcelent taste ft Fi-Core

✦Eggcelent taste ft Aerjnn

✦My addition to this butt-madness ft... LOTS OF YOU!!!!

✦Ordo and Mereel never let Fox live down the shame (watching Rebels)

✦Thorn protects Fox from the evil Nulls

✦Ordo hates socialization unless it's his favorite people ft Fi-Core and Commander Livmara

✦WHAT ARE THOSE!!!!!!! ft Fi-Core

✦Fi got bored of his life ft Fi-Core

MEMES

✦Meme Compilation 1

✦Meme Compilation 2

✦Family that slays together stays together

✦Meme Compilation 3

[spookyscaryskidnpump]

my thoughts on spooky month 6

copy pasted from a page and a half of google doc. crying. spoilers inbound.putting it under the cut cuz its super long. also swear warning.

Ok to start off LILA. LILA MY GAL NO UR DOING UR BEST AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Im crying im actually fucginf crying. She's trying. So hard. Skid is trying so hard. THEY'RE DOING THEIR BEST PLEASEEEEE. Father Gregor can go EAT SHIT. THEY'RE TRYING AND THAT'S WHAT COUNTS GODDAMNIT.

Susie… Susie no… please… she deserves better istgggggg. What happened to their parents? Are they actually just busy? Are they DEAD? Holy shit what if they're dead. Poor Pump, poor Susie, god please just let these kiddos be ok. PLEASE. ABUELO WONDER IS TYING SO HARD BUT SUSIE KNOWS IT ISN'T REALLY FROM HER PARENTS IM CRYING. SUSIE NOOOOOO

FATHER GREGOR I HATE YOU. ok well he obvs did some good but STILL. GREGOR. STFU GREGOR. I get that hes trying but U CANT JUST SAY ALL THAT SHIT ABOUT JUDGEMENT AND THEN JUDGE HER HER FUCKING HOUSE GOT BROKEN INTO!! YOU DONT HAVE THE FUCKING CONTEXT!!!! ARGHFDGHJSGHJKAGHSD. Also DAMN IS HE A CULTIST NOW?? IS HE DEAD?? WHAT?!?!?!

ROYYYYYY ROY MY BOI NOOOOOO poor guy :( i understand why he hates the kids they DID kinda ruin him so. At least he knows theyre trying now :( and ross n rob just ASSUME he did something bad isnt helping here!!!! I get that theyre also trying to help him and its nice to see him opening up to them about stuff (even if we dont get to know what specifically PELO WHY) but PLEASE get this kid an anger management class or smthn PLEASE. He needs SO MUCH THERAPY. I dont think hes gonna get therapy because im pretty sure his parents are Part Of The Problem but STILL.  Also FUCKER LITERALLY GOT POSSESED BY A DEMON?????? THATS GOTTA BE TRAUMATIC TF

Side note i love ross and robert dearly and i appreciate them doing their best to help on both sides i love them smmmmmm AUGH

KEVIN AND RADFORD FRIENDSHIP REALLLLLLLLLL i am SO fucking happy about that!!!! Also Kevin having conflicted feelings on the kids FAIR. Similar thing to Roy except hes an adult with a semi-functional support network and is able to understand that theyre just dumb kids and they dont actually mean any harm. He’s harsher on the hatzgang cuz theyre teens and old enough to know stealing is wrong but Skid n Pump are little kiddos they dont know better. Also him disapproving of father gregor REAL THO. also HE GOT POSSESSED TOO?? TRAUMA CENTRAL HOLY SHIT

PATTY DESERVES TO HAVE A GUN ACTUALLY. Also JOHN ANGST JOHN ANGST JOHN ANGST! IS HIS KID DEAD? IS HIS DAUGHTER OK HOLY SHIT. ALSO THEM HELPING THE KIDS PROPERLY IM CRYIG AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

WHAT WAS EVERMORE DOING WITH THE HOBOMEN???? HELLO??????

I SAW THAT CULT NECKLACE UNDER IGNACIOS SHIRT. I FUCKING SAW IT. CALLED IT BITCH!!!!!!

Rick just has the WORST luck lmao

STREBER IS ALIVE LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOO

DEXTER NO PLEASE AUGH…… HIS MOM TOO……

JAUNE AND ROSS’S DAD… HE'S REAL HE EXISTS!! I get ur trying jaune but that is NOT the best way to comfort poor lila… AT LEAST SHES TRYING THO I APPRECIATE HER

THE ENTIRE NEWGROUNDS ENDING?? THE THIEVES AND THE CANDY DEALER IN CAHOOTS WITH THE CULT???? HELLO??????

MOLOCH IS GONE. he deserved it but also THE KIDS ARE SO SAD ABOUT IT? Like they don't really get it but they just watched someone they thought was their friend DIE. HOLY SHIT.

finally. SKID AND PUMP. KIDDOS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Ok for real tho theyre so much more self aware than the fandom and bulk of the show give them credit for?? Like Skid is VERY aware of his dad being dead/possibly missing and legit just doesn’t wanna talk about it. He knows what death is and he finds fun in it to cope. My poor sweet boyo… and PUMP. PUMP ANSWERING THE CALL AUGHHHHHH HE WANTS HIS PARENTS BACK IM CRYING. SUSIE AND ABUELO ARE DOING THEIR BEST AND HE'S TRYING SO HARD AND AAAAAAAAAAUGH. Also him getting possessed by Moloch while having Star-Eyes basically debunks the theory of the Star-Eyes being a form of possession which is FASCINATING. Anyway that scene with Susie and Pump got me misty eyed and then during the ending with Skid and Lila i actually genuinely started crying. I just want them to be happy. Please let them be happy. Please. PLEASE.

[icycoldninja]

Hey love <3 it’s me again, and again I’m sorry if my English is bad hahah I promise I'm trying to improve.

I wanted to know if u could do a headcannon of the Sparda + V with a Fem Reader who has self-harm

It's something I've been going through for a long time and lately it's been a bit difficult for me to handle. I think it could be interesting to see how they would act in a situation like that and what their reaction would be, I feel like at least they wouldn't look at you so badly and they wouldn't judge u too much of the scars on your body haha ​​(cry 🕴️)

Again, if this may seem strange or something too inappropriate, u have every right to ignore it without a problem! 🛐 i really love ur writings 💞

Oh I'm so sorry to hear that. Thanks for requesting, and hopefully this lifts your spirits.

Sparda boys + V x Reader with self harm issues headcannons

Tw: Self harm

¤ Dante ¤

-Dante is the most supportive and loving partner you could hope for, always checking up on you and giving you hugs even when you don't think you need one.

-He doesn't judge your scars or ask you to hide them, if anything, he thinks they're beautiful.

-He will not hesitate to run in and stop you from hurting yourself, if he happens to catch you halfway in the act.

-He squashes you with cuddles and kisses, usually pinning you to the bed or couch to keep you from going anywhere.

-Kisses you all the time, every day, every night, sometimes even while you sleep. He loves you so much and wants you to know that.

-He will help you with your issues, always being there to listen to anything you might want to get out, or to calm you down when you're feeling particularly destructive.

■ Vergil ■

-Vergil hates seeing you upset in any way, and while he's not really a touchy feely person, he wants to make you feel better.

-He does this by giving you motivating pep talks every time he has a chance to show you the foolishness behind your detrimental behavior.

-He also limits your access to sharp objects and otherwise dangerous tools.

-Sometimes, somehow, you find a way to break past his defenses and get your hands on a dangerous object, but Vergil will step in and keep you from bringing that object down on your flesh.

-He will then give you a stern, yet loving talking-to, expressing how much he loves you, and at the same time, how angry he is with you for allowing yourself to slip into darkness and depression so easily.

-Sometimes, however, his words backfire. Instead of lifting your spirits with inspiration, they make you feel worse, so he ends up cuddling you to sleep, silently begging for forgiveness and assuring you he loves you all at the same time.

□ Nero □

-Nero understands your struggles, but not how to help you.

-He knows the obvious stuff, to assure you of your self worth (cause you are worth it) and to limit your access to sharp objects.

-He spoils you with attention and affection whenever he's home, pulling you into his lap, cradling you while watching a movie, constantly kissing you as you drift off to sleep, etc.

-He will be there when you're at your lowest, even if he doesn't know what to do. He'll just sit there and hook his arm around you, letting you know he's there if you want to talk or anything.

-He isn't good at verbally comforting people, but he is a great listener, and listen he shall.

-Unload whatever you want on him, Nero will soak it all up like a sponge and then use that knowledge to figure out ways to help you more.

● V ●

-V doesn't judge anything, period.

-He doesn't make comments about your body, or your scars, or give you funny looks, or just treat you negatively in general.

-He loves you more than his own life and would do anything to keep you safe, loved, and happy.

-He won't let you bring any more harm to yourself. If he sees you do it or finds evidence that you have been doing it, he will take away your weapon and cling onto you tightly.

-He won't let go of you when you're cuddling because he's afraid you'll slip away and do something to yourself while he's asleep.

-He might not look it, but his grip is vice-like and he won't let go unless you pry him off of you with a crowbar.

[lipslost]

🫧 New Years Resolutions 🫧

Be more reliable: Because of various illnesses it's hard for me to show up to plans i have made. I sleep for 18 hours at a time often, or just forget it complety. And eventhough it's not on purpose, I hate that people can't make plans with me and trust me to show up. So I wan't to try to be better at forseeing when the sleep attacks will happen.

Self Care: I want to implement more "passive" self care in my every day life. Things I don't have to activly do in order for me to feel better. Like purchasing better quality bed sheets and towels, having scented candles, comfortable slipper in nature materials. All things that just make my day better by being more comfortable.

Stop Smoking: I love my cigarettes, but at the end of the day they are harmful for my health. I want to switch to nicotine gum or patches to still get the positive effects nicotine has on emotional regulation without the bad effects on my health that cigarettes have.

Drink less alcohol: I get overstimulated in social situations real fast, and I don't want to go home after just 2 hours. So I resort to drinking to be able to endure it. And it's not good for my mental, physical or social health. So I want to be better at just cutting socials short instead.

Use more time blogging: I created this tumblr account to have a place to post all my screen shots from Infinity Nikki. And quickly realized that a blog is actually a perfect place to compile all of my favorite stuff. All other social media feel so restricted in it's use, they are only for the one thing. This feels more like i'm building something, rather than just consuming content.

Exercise more often: I have to exercise at least 3 times a week because of a few illnesses I have. I have to strenghten my muscles surrounding my joints so there will be less pressure on them. And usually I'm pretty okey at atleast doing 1-2 a week. But this last semester dates with my new special someone has taken all my time.

Watch More Musicals: I have always loved musicals, they are the best genre of everything. But I know there are so many classics I haven't watched yet!

Write More: I need to practice writing more, so it will be easier for me getting my ideas down on paper.

Quit Social Media: And with that I mean instagram, facebook, snapchat storys. Everything harmful for your mental health that wastes your time.

Focus on being "at peace": Just doing more stuff that makes me feel okey with life. Like video games, reading, hiking, singing, cuddling random cats.

Side Quests: Finish at least 24 games from my steam account. Read at least 100 books Read 4 book from my poster challenge Throw away at least 3 sacks of clothes.

[reikunrei]

I'm not gonna make as in-depth a post about it as my other DW analyses, but a month or so ago I watched the season 1 episode "Dalek" and now I'm thinking about it in relation to what Vecna's ending might look like.

A lot of people complain when they hear folks (such as myself and my friends) say they want Vecna's end to be tragic in some way. They interpret it as us saying we want him to be redeemed, or forgiven, or be made into a "good guy" who actually did nothing wrong, or whatever. Which (setting aside all the Henry/Edward stuff, which I'd argue is a separate discussion anyway) isn't the case at all. Not necessarily, at least. Vecna has done a lot of heinous things that can't be overlooked.

However, that doesn't mean he's entirely unsympathetic. He's very relatable in his motives and is a fun way to explore revenge and justice in the extremes. He's an example of the cracks in the Capital S System. However, I would agree that Vecna as a person and as a concept shouldn't be given a full pass on everything he's done just because his reasoning has a strong foundation.

"Dalek" offers a really interesting alternative where the Dalek in the episode is given multiple chances to "redeem" itself or is shown sympathy, only to constantly push back against it and refuse the kindness offered to it up until the very end. Even so, its eventual self-destruction is still tragic.

This is for multiple reasons, but the one I want to introduce here first to set the tone is: It's tragic because there's no changing what's been done to the Dalek, what the Dalek has done, and the general circumstances of what a Dalek is and their history. Rose wants to help the Dalek, but it's simply not feasible given the circumstances.

So, let's get into some of this episode.

We open on the Doctor and Rose landing in an underground bunker in Utah, USA, having followed a signal "calling for help." Inside this bunker are rows and rows of glass cases containing extraterrestrial artifacts, owned and collected by a man named Henry van Statten. We learn that one of these is a live specimen, which van Statten keeps in "The Cage," where they've been attempting to get it to speak for some time, often resorting to physically harming it and making it scream. Okay, NINA silo.

The Doctor goes in to speak to it, since van Statten wants to know what it is, and we get this exchange:

Some abridged Doctor Who history to explain this interaction: The Daleks are an alien race that's been around for the entire run of the show, first introduced in the original series. As it pertains to the 2005 reboot, early in the show we learn that the Doctor is the last Time Lord in existence because all of them died in the Last Great Time War. The Last Great Time War was fought between the Time Lords and the Daleks, and it was ultimately ended by the Doctor themself killing (or sealing away) both the Time Lords and the Daleks to stop the conflict and save the universe(s).

The Daleks and the Time Lords have had beef for... basically forever, as far as I know. The Daleks also make multiple returns throughout the rest of the series and still remain a recurring antagonist, though I don't know what's been going on with them past like... season 7 or so. We even get a few more sympathetic portrayals of them, but we don't need to talk about that today.

I should also briefly explain here that the Daleks were bred and evolved to hate. They exist only to kill things that aren't Daleks because they see anything that isn't a Dalek as "wrong." They have such a strong will to live in order to push this regimen that they almost don't die, as their bodies will simply refuse to do so, unless ordered or killed by force. Okay, Vecna. In short: they basically only know hatred and anger, and anything else simply isn't part of their genetics. There's some nuance to this in the greater lore, but I won't touch on that here because it's not introduced in this episode.

Anyway, back to the episode!

Once the Doctor realizes that the Dalek is damaged and can't actually kill him, he starts laying into it, circling it and asking "What are you good for?" and "What's the point of you? You're nothing." The Dalek says it's awaiting orders (something it's bred for), and the Doctor breaks the news that all the other Daleks have been destroyed by him and it won't be getting any orders.

Admitting to his own self-hatred, the Doctor switches on the chains holding the Dalek, electrocuting it. The Dalek begs for pity, and the Doctor says, "Why should I [have pity]? You never did." Then, van Statten enters The Cage with guards and pulls the Doctor out, at which point the Dalek returns to refusing to speak.

The Doctor speaks to van Statten more, telling him about the Time War, learning how the Dalek fell from the sky "like a meteorite" and surmising that it must have fallen through time as the only survivor. And at this point, van Statten smugly eyes up the Doctor, now knowing that he, too, is an alien not of this Earth, and chains him up to be studied and tortured just like the Dalek. There's honestly so much I could say about van Statten and his similarities to Brenner, so I might do that some other time.

Meanwhile, Rose, who's been tagging along with van Statten's assistant, unaware of what's happened thus far, sees security footage of the Dalek being tortured by one of van Statten's scientists and goes to The Cage to investigate and try to help.

She talks to the Dalek, asking if it's in pain, saying that she can help because she has her friend, the Doctor, with her. The Dalek says yes, it is in pain.

Rose continues to insist they help, but the Dalek says that its race is dead and it will simply die alone. Rose places a gentle hand against its "head," which burns her, and as she pulls away, that Dalek shouts, "Genetic material extrapolated. Initiate cellular reconstruction."

Having gotten DNA from Rose, a time traveler, the Dalek is able to regenerate, fixing all of its damage and breaking free of its chains before hacking out of The Cage and gaining access to the entire bunker. In short, it starts killing people indiscriminately and drains all power from the bunker, from Utah, and from the entire west coast of the USA, also downloading all of the information from the internet at the same time.

Most of the rest of the episode is an extended chase scene, where Rose and the assistant, Adam, are trying to get up to a higher level of the bunker, though are often relegated to stairwells and detours in an attempt to keep the Dalek locked away as deep as possible. At one point, Rose and Adam are being escorted by an armed guard when they come face to face with the Dalek in a stairwell, and the armed guard starts trying to talk it down:

Martin "but but but I locked you kids up because I loved you" Brenner, over here.

The first major hint that we start to see something is awry with the Dalek is it and Rose making eye contact, and Rose leaving the interaction feeling like the Dalek saw her as more than just a target for extermination, and rather that "it knows [her]."

Then, after some more chasing and some more mass murder, the Dalek addresses the Doctor. It says that, now with no place to get orders from, it will follow "the Primary Order," or the "Dalek instinct to destroy" and conquer. The Doctor asks why, though. What's the point of doing that at this point when it's the only Dalek left? The Dalek can't answer that and just asks what it should do, wherein we get this impeccable line that aired on public television in the year 2005:

He rips into the Dalek again, really showing his anger as he screams, "Why don't you just die!?" at which point the Dalek responds with, "You would make a good Dalek" before ceasing communication. Mic drop of the goddamn century!!! That scene still drives me absolutely batshit. Anyway.

Rose and Adam are rushing to try and escape the vault portion of the bunker, but they're running out of time. Adam makes it through the final door as it's shutting, but Rose doesn't and is now trapped with the Dalek. Rose talks to the Doctor over her cellphone, telling him that it wasn't his fault and she wouldn't have missed any of this for the world. The Dalek fires its laser, the call drops, and the Doctor reluctantly accepts that she's dead.

However, unbeknownst to him, the Dalek didn't actually kill Rose.

They have a brief back-and-forth, and Rose questions the Dalek's hesitation to kill her.

The Dalek speaks to the Doctor again, revealing that Rose is actually alive and uses her as leverage to get him to open the bulkhead and let the two of them out. Rose pleads with the Doctor to not open the door, but the Dalek uses the Doctor's emotions against him, saying, "What use are emotions, if you will not save the woman you love?"

Rose and the Dalek take an elevator up to where the Doctor and van Statten & co. are hanging out, with the Dalek all the while continuing to act strangely.

The Dalek approaches van Statten, threatening to kill him for torturing it, but Rose tells it not to do it, and it listens. She asks it what else it could want that doesn't involve killing, and the Dalek answers with "freedom." Vecna when...

Rose takes the Dalek ahead, closer to the surface. It blasts a hole in the roof, bringing in a ray of sunlight. Rose says she thought she'd never feel it again, at which point the Dalek asks what it feels like before opening its metal casing to expose the actual Dalek inside. It feels the sun on its skin and reaches out toward the light.

In this moment of vulnerability, the Doctor appears, having grabbed one of the alien-made guns that van Statten has in a feeble attempt to actually kill the Dalek. He yells at Rose to get out of the line of fire, but she refuses, even when he tries to justify it with the number of people the Dalek killed that day, or the fact that it was the Dalek race that created the downfall of the Time Lords. She urges the Doctor to pause and just look at what the Dalek is doing.

Love a good TFS word.

The Dalek asks, "Why do we survive?" and the Doctor doesn't have an answer. When the Dalek once again says that it's the last of its kind, the Doctor explains that it no longer is a Dalek. Having absorbed Rose's DNA for its regeneration, it's begun mutating into something new. Rose asks why that wouldn't be a good thing, but, as I explained earlier, it's because Daleks view themselves as superior, so if they're no longer a Dalek, then they're not worth living.

The Dalek is experiencing human thoughts and emotions, ones that it can't, nor wants, to comprehend, and it asks Rose to order it to die, saying that "This is not life. This is sickness. I shall not be like you!" With some more pushing, Rose finally relents, quietly saying, "Do it."

Guy who says he's not gonna go as in-depth before proceeding to do so anyway. But trust me, I could say a lot more about this episode, I just wanna keep this brief and explore this one concept without the plethora of off-topic potential references.

I hope you can see some of the bones of what I'm getting at in how this could potentially be applied as inspiration for ST5, but let's get into some of my thoughts.

1) Paralleling the Doctor and the Dalek

This is something I've talked about in a lot of my other DW posts so I won't rehash it too much, but it's incredibly telling to me that we, once again, get this emphasis on muddying the waters between "good guy" and "bad guy."

Through the season, we've seen the Doctor grieving his people, constantly saying he's the last Time Lord in the universe and being generally depressed about it. We're very frequently reminded of how sad he is about it, and we're meant to be sad about it, too. More often than not, it's meant as a way to show a deeper bond between him and his companion whenever he shares that information.

Then, we meet this Dalek who is also the last of its kind in the universe, and who is also suddenly made to grieve the loss of its people. From the get-go, it's framed as a sympathetic creature begging for help as it's tortured, and only once the Doctor's bias is brought to light do we get any sort of inkling of an opposing stance.

Then, almost right away, we see their roles essentially swapped. Sure, the Dalek is a formidable opponent with an innate desire to kill everything it sees and perhaps maybe should be eliminated for the sake of the greater good. However, the Dalek is weak and vulnerable, with no way to defend itself, and the Doctor does the objectively shitty thing and tries to kill it while it's cornered. The entire episode has a bad ick about it. Even if the Doctor is technically justified, you still feel bad watching him take advantage of a situation to harm a defenseless creature.

The Dalek says it itself: the Doctor would make a good Dalek, allowing his hatred to drive him to make some morally fucked up decisions. He encourages his fear and rage to guide his hand, and it's not until he has an outside perspective - specifically from someone he cares about the opinion of immensely - that he backs down. If and when we get a similar scenario with Will and someone else having to talk him down... I'm seated.

In the end, it's hard to have sympathy for the Doctor without also extending that to the Dalek.

It very much makes me think of the larger fandom's perspective on Henry in ST, and how they'll dish out heaps of sympathy and empathy for the other characters, and even encourage them to do shitty things for the sake of "revenge" or "taking what they deserve," but then turn around and look at Henry's objectively worse situation and claim that he doesn't deserve that same courtesy simply because of a slightly less appealing past.

To specifically tie it to comparing the Doctor and the Dalek, I'm looking at how we're meant to compare Henry and Will to one another. We see two sensitive boys who come from imperfect households with a desire to be loved and accepted for who they are. We see them go through hardships beyond our imaginations and, the key here, is how their situations during and thereafter are different.

We see the perspective of the Doctor first, and we feel bad for him! When he attacks the Dalek, it feels justified given the history between their races. In ST, we see the perspective of Will first, learning everything he's been through, and thus when he says "we have to kill [Vecna]," it makes sense! We've been led to believe that everything that's happened to Will has been enabled by this one guy, so of course it's justified to want to put a stop to him, and we cheer on the other characters when they come to Will's aid.

But then we get the perspective of the Dalek. We see it admit that it's in pain, that it's sad, that it yearns for freedom and an end to its torture. In ST, we learn more about Vecna, about his (alleged) past, and the trials he's been through to shape him into who he is today, and his desire to make things better. It, then, also makes sense for these characters to react the way they do, even if it's not ideal, and even if their methods and motives aren't the most morally clean.

(I'd also be remiss if I didn't at least briefly tap in on the whole "perspective" thing with what James is discussing in his upcoming big thesis post about TFS. Definitely keep an eye out for it, because it's a super interesting exploration of perspective and how that paints certain behaviors/scenes in different lights than we may have initially been led to believe.)

When I first watched ST4, I wasn't in the fandom at all. I was entirely unaware of the vitriol being slung at Vecna and Henry. I watched him do all these inexcusable things, but then... we have NINA Henry explain what (allegedly) happened and why he is where he is, and I thought... oh.

We're told that this guy had a good reason for doing everything he did. Even if everything he's done is reprehensible, I still sat there thinking "wow, he didn't deserve any of that, everything could have been avoided if he was just treated with decency."

With the Dalek, even after we see what it's done, we're meant to feel bad for it. Should it be forgiven? Perhaps not, but it was just doing the only thing it knew how to do after being put in a situation by someone else (van Statten) that allowed it to do the damage that it did, much like Brenner essentially enabling the creation of Vecna by cornering a child into the lab and forcing his hand.

All in all, it really pushes you to accept that someone who is "good" can do bad things because they think it's what should be done, and someone who is "bad" can be offered a chance to change and become better, and it doesn't even have to be detraction if they refuse that help. And, ultimately, I wouldn't be surprised if Vecna is offered help, but refuses it because it's too late. Not because he's being petulant and stubborn, but because there's genuinely no point, much like with the Dalek (even if the Dalek is being more petulant and stubborn than anything).

2) Vecna and the Daleks

By no means do I want it to come off like I'm directly correlating Vecna to the Daleks. There's too many key differences, particularly in what they are, for me to do that with a straight face.

I already explained that Daleks are born and evolved to hate. That's the only emotion they feel, because anything else would give them doubt in their Primary Order. Meanwhile, Vecna very much is a person. Even if he's not fully human, there's a human core there that allows him to hesitate and feel something other than disdain for humanity (I will always and forever stare at the way he kept El alive. Sir, I know you're not that cocky. Just kill her. Unless she....... means something to you......?).

Throughout ST, everything that comes out of the UD is distinctly nonhuman. I remember very early on in ST4 thinking it was weird that they made something from the UD so close to human. So, even if we're led into the story believing that Vecna is something purely monstrous, by the end we're shown that he is, in fact, still a human and always has been a human.

It's similar, if not slightly inverted, to what happens with the Dalek in this episode: We open on this strange alien creature and learn it was the reason for the downfall of the Time Lords, but by the end, it's been infused with enough human DNA that it becomes even harder to treat it with cruelty.

And I know I said I wasn't going to get into the deeper lore of the Daleks, but I have to just mention one of the myths of their creation from the short story "We are the Daleks!" published in 1973:

So like... um... anyway... just chew on that a little bit, I guess!!

As a final note for this thought, I do also find it interesting that even their motives could be considered similar. The Daleks kill everything that isn't a Dalek. And, yes, it is because of hatred, but it's also specifically about guaranteeing their own survival and making the universe fit for them. Not too far off from that, we have Vecna wanting to reshape the world into what he wants it to be so that he can exist freely. It's not exactly one-to-one, especially given that Vecna's motives are more of a commentary on the flaws of society while the Daleks are committing a "racial cleansing" (the Doctor's words, not mine), but I'd be remiss to not at least touch on it.

3) Objective Perspective

Rose gives us a very stark show of what bias can do in this episode. She showed sympathy before she knew anything about the Dalek, and while she does become frightened and tries to flee from it, by the end of the episode she's managed to either fight against or accept her fear and continue to try and help the Dalek and show it kindness.

It reminds me a lot of what we see with D'art in ST2, to the point that Rose's experience is almost beat for beat what happens with Dustin:

Finding the demoslug and growing fond of it because he doesn't know what it is.

Becoming frightened when he learns it's a "baby demogorgon" and tries to trap it.

Learning that he can have a connection and cooperate with it even if he's still scared.

Even Will manages to fight against his fear, understanding that D'art is just in a vulnerable position and needs help more than anything.

On top of Rose's demeanor with the Dalek, we also get to study how she reacts to the Doctor as the episode progresses. By and large, she's disgusted with the way the Doctor is behaving, calling him out multiple times and begging him to see the bigger picture. He's hurt, of course, but he can't continue to resort to violence under the guise of being afraid when this Dalek is no longer the same as the Daleks he hates. She doesn't even fully understand that until the very end, and still she can see that it's changing and it's been deserving of compassion this whole time.

The Doctor and the Dalek both hate each other and hate themselves, and Rose is the only one who can cut in, generally understanding both sides of the argument, to get everyone to back down. She's viewed both the Doctor and the Dalek with a clean, unbiased lens, which allows her to take in all the information she's given without any sort of judgement clouding her decisions.

Sure, her fear does take over a few times, but it's almost exclusively when her life is in immediate danger and she never takes it out directly on the Dalek. As soon as the Dalek refuses to kill her, she can wrangle herself into at least trying to approach things calmly and objectively and attempt to talk the Dalek down rather than resorting to brute force.

It makes me wonder just how, exactly, this is going to go down for Vecna. We've been given a lot of information thus far, but everyone has a different set of pieces without a way to combine them correctly just yet, and there's so many personal stakes involved that it becomes hard to parse out what's really an objective reading.

Will has been personally affected by the UD and the MF, which also affected his immediate family and friends.

El lived in the lab for her whole life and knew Henry personally, and potentially was the catalyst for finally creating Vecna.

Brenner has a desire to make himself look good as he works for his own selfish gains, and puts others in harm's way to get there.

Multiple people have had their lives directly altered by something Vecna did.

Vecna himself has a mess of wrongs against him that he's desperate to "fix."

etc. etc...

It's really just a whole big mess, and it's going to take a lot of work for someone to break out of the personal feelings involved in order to get everyone on all sides to step back and do some self-reflecting.

It's interesting to me that "Dalek" is not only a lesson in sympathy for others, but a lesson in sympathy for oneself. It's a large part of the Doctor's arc in this first season, and sympathy in general has been a huge part of ST throughout the whole show (which I know I've talked about endlessly irt these comparisons to DW), and it's a sentiment becoming increasingly pushed on our "villain" characters.

Like how the Doctor is "brought down" to the Dalek's level of cruelty and the Dalek is "brought up" to the Doctor's level of deserving sympathy, our "villain" characters in ST are being brought up to the protagonists' level of deserving sympathy, and our protagonists...? Well, we've already been blessed with loads of imperfect "good" characters in this show thus far, so I will not be surprised when that gets taken to the extreme.

It's already in line with El's monster vs superhero internal debate: a good character can do something morally reprehensible, with or without "proper" motive, and they will still be deserving of compassion.

In conclusion, while obviously I don't think it'll be a one-to-one, I do think that this DW episode offers an interesting route for Vecna's arc to take, specifically in regard to his demise. While a character such as Henry or Edward, who were dragged into this situation against their will, might be deserving of forgiveness/clearing their names and may still be able to be "saved," in whatever form that may be, someone like Vecna might simply be too far gone. There's no going back at this point, and it just has to be accepted.

I was talking to James about this, and I agree when he said it wouldn't be surprising if Vecna was offered help, he earnestly thanked them for it, but then had to refuse it anyway. I wouldn't be shocked if El wants to help him so badly but ultimately has to accept that sometimes things can't be undone, and they simply have to run their course, even if it has an unsatisfactory outcome. Especially if that outcome was one that could have been avoided had they gotten to the problem sooner. That is the tragedy.

The Dalek is a bit more complicated than that, obviously, given what it is as a species and its refusal for help being because it sees no point in existing now that it's "contaminated," but I think you can pick up what I'm putting down. The Dalek could have accepted the help and could have striven to change like Rose thought it could, but it simply wasn't in the cards and would have caused more pain than not.

The Daleks come up again in future episodes, which I might talk about someday, but I felt like this one was a good exploration of what you can do with an established villain and flip the narrative until they're almost entirely sympathetic while our "good guy" seems ridiculous for behaving the way he does. It is not a stretch to apply that sentiment to ST, especially because we have even more of a foundation for compassion toward our "villains" in that show than the Dalek got in this episode.

I could talk a lot more about this episode, too. There's so many trains of thought that this inspired, but, again, I want to just talk about this topic for now, so all the weird "why is this so ST" bits can stay in the vault (or you can go watch the episode yourself, which I highly recommend! It's a good one).

Overall, just knowing that DW was some level of inspiration for ST makes me excited to see what the Duffers took from that classic series and how they'll use it to inform their own final season, and specifically how they'll further the "no one is special/better/worse" message they have going on. We'll see!

[smittenbyvillainsmasterlist]

I need someone to hold me

Warnings: angsty turned fluff, self hate

You weren't very liked by your friends anymore. They didn't trust you as much after Valtor took control of you and things were spoken about. Bloom was the most upset. You understand her but for the others, it was uncalled for. Yes, you said hurtful things but that wasn't you. You weren't dark.

They were forced to take you to earth to fight against the Wizards of the Black Circle. You ended up mostly staying away unless there was a fight even then you were pushed away. Every time you wanted to cry but you didn't. At least until you got home that wasn't with them. You had gotten your own apartment although Bloom's adoptive parents offered for you to stay since you were the one left out. You denied that offer.

You started to enjoy the simple life. You kept in contact with Faragonda yourself only. After this one battle, you noticed Ogron watching you leave and clearly not with the others.

Ogron had noticed how you clearly were left out of those girl's group. That really made him mad. For faires claiming to be good, they did not act like it. He remembered the first time he met them you had gotten hurt and they didn't even try to help you. He always helped his men even if they made him mad. They did that for each other.

You were sobbing in your bed at the small apartment you rented out. You hadn't detransformed. Ironically you didn't believe in yourself anymore. You were a fuck up.

"I'm just useless and I don't deserve to be this fairy Faragonda says I am." you cried. You just hugged your stuff bear. The winx doesn't know that you are planning on staying even after this mission is done.

"I don't think you're useless. I think you are strong." A voice said. It sounded familiar. You didn't look to see.

"Yes, I am. I don't have friends all because I let someone control me." You muttered.

"I would have never thought they were your friends before. They don't even seem to include you in anything." He said. You nodded and laughed bitterly.

"They aren't my friends anymore. In fact, they are strangers I'm forced to work with."

"No one is forced to work with people." He concluded. The person had sat at the end of your bed and was rubbing your back. "Honestly, there are better things you could use your abilities with." He added.

"Like what? Protect fairies who don't even want their guardian." She scoffed.

"Join me and my men." He said flatly. "We will make sure you are useful and cared for." You looked up hearing that. It was Ogron. You didn't even want to fight and didn't even seem like he wanted to.

"Don't you hate fairies?" You asked. He chuckled and shook his head.

"No, I just want to try to get revenge on earth fairies for what the queen did." He sighed. "Killed my men and stole my kid away."

"You had a child?"

"Yes, they are here somewhere on Gardenia. I don't want to harm them."

"I will help on one condition..."

"Anything you want we can do." He smiled and gently rubbed your tears away.

"I want to stay here and have a life." You included. He nodded.

"Anything for you my dear." He called you.

He ended up staying with you for the night and holding you. You just let your emotions out. You had passed out sleeping after an hour. You woke up with a note left.

'I wish I could have stayed but the girls were finding my daughter first. Meet me here my dear.' He said. You looked at your phone. No messages from them and you weren't surprised. You got yourself of bed and got dressed. You grabbed an apple and headed to the address. When you arrived the Winx girls didn't even notice. Ogron did.

"Hello dear, I see you saw the note." He said smiling at you. You blushed at the nickname and nodded.

"Yeah, I did." You replied going over to him. The girls watched in shock. You didn't even look at them.

"What are you doing?" Bloom asked you bitterly. You just laughed.

"Helping those who need it." You said blankly.

"But w-" Flora started and you stopped her.

"You NEVER needed me anymore. You can't forgive me for what happened and just will treat me like trash? Does that sound like you need me?" You asked. They just narrowed their eyes at you.

'Fine be like that." Stella said. You just stayed close to Ogron.

"Did you find your daughter?" You asked him. He nodded.

"Yes, I did. Roxy is her name and she is going to meet us soon."

"Us?"

"Of course, you can be a mother to her. After all, you are now a part of the family." He said. You just hugged him.

"Thank you," you whispered.

[mik0is0bored]

"So, what does she feel?"

Warning: talks of depression, suicide, self-harm, swearing.

She's told not to feel emotion.

So she doesn't. She hides it all away. Happiness? Suppressed into a barely noticed smile. Frustration? A blank gaze. Sadness? Tears are forced down.

Out of sight, out of mind.

She's exhausted. Mentally, emotionally and physically. Insomnia and depression don't make a good duo.

She starts up at her ceiling at night. Questioning everything that led her to this point in life.

Who is she?

Why?

Is there purpose?

Vague, deep questions plague her nights, making it damn near impossible for her to fall asleep.

"I have insomnia. Can we make an appointment with my doctor?" She asked, the dark circles under her eyes have become more and more noticable.

"No. You just don't try to fall asleep."

She just nodded.

"Can I please get a therapist?" She'd beg. She hated asking for help, but she couldn't do this bullshit anymore.

"I'm sick and tired of you saying you need therapy. You don't. Your just dramatic"

She nodded and mumbled an apology.

She sat in the bathroom, crying.

"You can't feel emotion." Was the words her mother spat at her.

Mothers shouldn't talk in such a cruel way to their children.

Then again, she had been told "to go to hell" once before. What's new? Nothing is, it won't change.

Her mom walks into the bathroom. She had an eye doctor appointment soon. Tears poured from her eyes, frustrated with herself as she texted her friend of what had happened, who was her therapist, it seemed.

The friend who she trusted to say how she had been struggling, how her mother didn't make it any better. The thoughts she had. The things she'd done.

The two scars that always glared up at her from her wrist.

She regretted those scars. But she didn't regret telling her friend since it made her feel less shitty when stuff happened.

"Your dad is on his way home, clean your mascara."

She didn't want to. She wanted her father to see what she went through when he wasn't home, but she knew he probably wouldn't believe her.

She nodded, expression blank.

If mom didn't want emotion, she wouldn't get it.

Nods and quite hums and mumbles of "yeah," "okay," and several others served as responses for the rest of the night.

She'd state out at the night sky, sitting at the picnic table in the backyard, listening to music through her headphones.

More specifically, Billie Eilish's music. Not in any order, not any specific album. Just her music.

"But I see her in the back of my mind, all the time"

She remembered herself as a little girl. Younger, laughing, smiling.

"Man, am I the greatest, my congratulations."

Pressures, expectations, grades, everything weighed against her shoulders. And she hated it. Having to live up to things she couldn't accomplish

Like trying to reach for the stars, but always failing.

"Sorry, I don't know how (sorry)"

She wanted to understand how and why, and what led up to this. The laughing little girl she used to be, now this shell of a person.

"I don't wanna talk right now. I just wanna watch TV."

To get her mind off of the cruelties of the world. To get the harsh things spoken to her by her mother out of her head.

Even if it was just for a little while.

So, what does she feel?

She doesn't know.

She wants to die. But she keeps living. No, not for herself. Because if she did, she would've been dead awhile ago.

She lived for her friend, the one she told everything, trusted, and cared about.

What she felt was too complex for her to describe.

So to put it in other words.

She was exauhsted.

I felt compelled to write something deep and emotional for no reason whatsoever, maybe to get myself to feel better thsn I do. Did it help? I don't know. But I hope readers like reading this like I did writing it.

@mik0is0bored, please don't copy or plagiarize my work.

[zenkor123]

Why didn't Katniss quit the rotation?

1. Coin called Katniss an unstable girl and Peeta repeated it to insult her.

2. Peeta hating on her may have made her want the rotation even more

3. She is scared Peeta will kill her wants to join the rotation for this reason.

4.She wanted to prove she was fine and just as capable of being on his watch as any other member of the squad and that Peeta meant nothing to him.

Why didn't she quit when Peeta stopped hating on her?

Lethargy and self punishment. She also wasn't doing a bad job and thought she deserved any harm that came to her from it. She might have wanted to help Peeta with the episodes as well, with Katniss feeling protective of Peeta. Whatever hope she had when he tried to comfort her, wasn't hating on her, remembered stuff she wasn't having it. Even if it was Peeta it wasn't the Peeta she knew but she knew this Peeta more and more this was no mutt it was him or what remained of him but he was not the boy she remembered from before the hijacking.

Or she loves him, she is being there for Peeta keeping him safe from the demons of his hijacking.(that's what guards are for preventing episodes)

Or she is merely doing what the rest of the squad is doing.

The hijacking had happened to him destroyed him but didn't replace him.(nah she definitely distinguishes between old Peeta and New even if he isn't a separate person from Peeta)

(I'm unsure about the last part actually but I don't think Katniss thinks Peeta Is a mutt she appears to react differently when Peeta echoes her pessimism)

[star-fandoms]

The demons took hold of me again

The "demons" being Sally Face... SIGH!! I was OBSESSED with this game in late middle school early high school, and now I'm back baby. Crazy what seeing fanart will do. ANYWAYS!! time to introduce my babeyyyyy

Here are "refs" cause i know these don't exactly count, but eh, i dont like drawing feet/shoes! ANYWAYS!! Slight Sal redesign, I'll probably end up putting him in whatever emo ass fit honestly. Anyways I love cute fashion sooooo obvs had to make my girl cute asf. It's kind of a gap moe moment with her cause my girl has seen the horrors(like literally ANY other of my ocs honestly)

QUICK NOTE ON SAL'S REDESIGN!! The original design is fine, I'm not "fixing" the design or anything, it was simply for fun, I wanted to see him in more emo fashion and thought it fit and looked good! The necklace he's wearing is actually a locket! I can see him having a little picture of all his friends close to his heart(SOBBING ONE SEC) I might also put Sal in gothic and scene outfits eventually as well, I actually thought about giving him scene coontails on the two little front sections!

TRANSCRIPT

Not a super organized outfit, but they don't care, they like their outfit

Emo ass outfits

Prob graphic design tee, I just didn't want to draw it.

Literally will never grow again, wears platforms tho(Note: With platforms on, she's 5'3)

More organized fashion, honestly wears a lot of different styles(Note: usually seen in cute, comfy clothes, but also can wear emo outfits, clowncore, really anything honestly, she likes a lot of different styles!)

Her name is Jellie, not really, but she doesn't really remember her name. The gang picked it out for her(in which they simply asked her what she likes and she said "jellyfish" and they went "okay, Jellie for short" and she's sported the name since) She doesn't live in Addison apartments, but she lives close by enough to walk and occasionally would sleep in Larry's treehouse when she got kicked out(which eventually they offer her a place to stay when that happens)

She's known of Sal since the first day of school for him after moving, and the rest of the cast(Larry, Todd, Ashley, and Travis(and some other Sally Face oc's of mine that are still in the works)) for even longer, however she never had the courage to really talk to them. She doesn't know how to make friends or talk to people and instantly assumes that she'll just be a burden and annoy them and that they'll all hate her. She's also a stickler for rules and is horrified of being late or doing anything to get in trouble, she states that "she'll never get to college and that the teachers will tell her to kill herself" if she's late for even a minute. She's usually pretty stoic or straight up freaking out and muttering self deprecating thoughts.

TW: SELF HARM SCARS!! (not realistic)GORE!!

HERES SOME EXTRA INFO ABOUT JELLIE!!(based off of the doodles)

She cuts, a LOT!! She literally hates herself so much and does a lot of harmful things to her body. She just goes in when she cuts, she doesn't think about placement or how deep she goes, as long as she bleeds and feels pain(please don't cut and get help in you can if you struggle with suicidal thoughts)

She really REALLY like horror and doesn't react much when she watches scary stuff. Not that it existed at the time, but she could handle those 50/50 challenges EASILY!! Girl watches a lot of true crime and goes digging for shit, she straight up just looks up images of dead people(she realizes how fucked up this is in the future)

Literally awful at smiling, you can TELL she has not smiled in a bit. She could be genuinely happy and still would not be able to smile normally. It also hurts her because she doesn't use her face muscles often(hardly spoke for years, only eats dinner, doesn't smile) It is something that gets better in the future, but the cries whenever she laughs!

The way she stares at people creeps them out, she's often bullied for it(amongst a shit ton of other things) She does NOT realize she does this or that it's creepy, she continues to do this even in the future LOL!! Also she's not mad, this is just how she stares at people

If she gets forced to live another life, she wants to be reborn as a Jellyfish. She really, REALLY loves the ocean and aquatic animals!

She has hallucinations and visions(like how Sal has visions) however, she cannot tell the difference between the two. It's easy to tell from an outside perspective when she has visions though because she gets nosebleeds every time and occasionally passes out(the passing out gets worse the older she gets and the more frequent the visions become) She refuses to tell her friends though because she's so happy she finally has friends and is worried that they will be weirded out by them

Finally! Just some art i did of 16 year old Sal and Jellie, it took forever and my hand and wrist are sore(i've just been drawing and writing nonstop for the past week anyways so oh well LOL, the carpal tunnel bouta go CRAZY! Cant wait to get another ganglion cyst) but it was worth it, they are worth it. Anyways! The scenario was that Jellie was hiding from her bullies(idk some random ass background ocs i made for SF) however Sal wasn't expecting Jellie to hide behind him, much less wrap her arms around him. Erm ^^ they cute or whatever

[beaft]

First of all fuck everyone who tells you, you just need to open your eyes to the beauty around you. These are the kind of people who have no idea what you are going through and you should acknowledge and understand that. They may mean no harm but it's an ignorant thing to say. It's up to you if you think it's worthwhile to educate them.

The first time I was very depressed was when I was 16. I loved to be outdoors, loved nature, loved to bike, to run, ride my horse. And then I didn't. The most devastating thing was that once i managed to go outside, I didn't even feel the sun's warmth anymore. I was constantly feeling cold.

That's what depression does. You won't find joy in your daily rituals, hobbys or any mundane every day things anymore.

I don't know where you are on your journey but my internal reaction to every little failure or just unnecessary deadlines or expectations I put on myself was to just go and kill myself or I hate myself.

I saw a post on here ages ago that said, you should switch hate with love whenever you're having these kinda thoughts. So whenever you think, I hate myself, go and correct yourself and tell yourself I love myself. It took me such a long time to adapt to this but I can tell you it's worth it and it did wonders to my mental health.

I'm at a point that I repeated this so much that whenever I feel bad about myself for nothing/I'm just overreacting I instantly think that I love myself. It may seem like such a small thing but it really helped me to not fall any deeper into depression. The way you talk to and about yourself matters.

Are you on medication/in therapy or is there any way you could work towards these things?

Take care and remember:

This hole is not your grave.

the trouble is, some of the people saying this shit do know what i'm going through. if it was just kale-eating, motivational-video-watching yoga mums telling me this stuff, i wouldn't care. but often it's other people who have had similar mental health struggles informing me that i should go outside and look at birds more often, because that's what helped them, and it's like:

being told "you should do this thing because it cured me" is frankly a really backhanded remark, because chances are i've tried it and it didn't do anything, which just makes me feel like even more of a hopeless case. positive self-talk is something i am trying to get better at. i am also going to try meditation, although we'll have to see how my ADHD feels about that.

i was in therapy last year, but i quit because my therapist was a complete hack (i've had enough therapists to know when they're helping, and this person was - i say this charitably - beyond useless). i'm on meds that allow me to function but don't really help my mood. on the surface, i am certainly better than i used to be; i no longer self-harm, i eat normally, i can hold down a job. every time my brain shoots me a "you're unlovable" or "you should kill yourself" i hit it with a hammer like i'm playing whack-a-mole. but some days it feels like i'm just going through the motions of improving, play-acting a mentally healthy person. i might look like i'm doing all right, but the lion in my living room is here to stay.

thank you for your words.

[jediwizard]

Hiiii I was wondering what your top 5 series are because I'm bored and I don't wanna do schoolwork so I'm gonna distract myself with screens

thanks for asking

my ultimate comfort show is friends. I've seen every episode a billion times, but it still makes me laugh and I still feel like I'm watching it for the first time. it's nostalgic and it just feels like home. I would like if there was more diversity tho..

i love how I met your mother (except for that awful ending). its so comforting and the show discusses real problems that young adults face like unemployment, divorce, infertility, losing a parent etc. characters go through real problems that real people face.

heartstopper obviously. again, I feel like I'm mentioning a lot of comfort shows rather than genuinly good shows but heartstopper is just.. so perfect. it is a bit cringe at times but teenagers are actually like that. everyone in that friend group is so loyal and kind and there's no drama and overall toxicness you'd find in most netflix shows like riverdale, elite etc. and I feel like this is one of the first shows I've seen with good queer representation. the paris squad remind me a lot of my friends and I, and we actually watched the show together. and we're gonna binge all of s3 and then talk about it (it's gotten to be a bit of a tradition)

id like to say that I love the owl house, even though I've never officially seen it. I've watched a lot of clips of it on YouTube and I know what happens and whenever I feel stressed or overwhelmed with school work, I'd watch like a 40 minute video of lumity. and I also relate to luz noceda on a personal level. I found out about this show only last year, when it was on it's final season and I was 16. I wish my 12 year old self watched it, because she would have LOVED the owl house and found comfort in this show. watching the owl house at 16 and 17 for the first time shocked me because I felt like my 11 and 12 year old self had come to life (and btw we even look really similar so there's that..). I just started watching Hilda and it's a lot like the owl house and Hilda reminds me of myself too, so idk. they're both really great shows

and lastly i'd probably have to go with stranger things. I love the gravity falls-dark suburban-fall vibe the first two seasons had. season three was really fun, but I didn't like the fourth that much. I also hate how it takes so long for each season to come out. again, I related to robin a lot and I love to play DND with some of my new friends. I started watching stranger things when I was around 11 with my old friends and I remember collaborating on pinterst boards and stuff, so that was fun. i'm going to watch the last season with them too.

ive seen a bunch of episodes of doctor who and some clips on YouTube and I love that. I need to properly sit down and watch Dr. who

superwholock in general is great, but I don't really feel like mentioning spn and Sherlock because of all the queerbating and homophobia surrounding the shows. (sherlock's amazing though)

i should also probably mention derry girls. this show is literally a love letter to the 90s. I guess anyone who grew up in a middle class housegold in the county could relate to this (my mom definitely does). like heartstopper, it's one of those shows that portray teenagers as they are. Heartstopper deals with mental health and self harming, while derry girls is a lot lighter. the characters are so quirky and loveable. and while I was born in 2007, it feels really nostalgic. and it has one of the best soundtracks I've seen in a show. (the best 90s indie like sixpence none the richer and the cranberries so yay)

i know you asked for five, but one day at a time is SUCH an amazing show too. it's about a latina family (grandma, mom, daughter and son) and it's so funny and really informative and just an overall fun family sitcom, but it doesn't shy away from dealing with important issues like racism, immigrant families, growing up in a three generational household, raising a teenager daughter who's a lesbian, being a military nurse and the trauma you have to deal with afterwards etc. elena is a lesbian and she's so nerdy and I just love her so much <333

lastly, probably gilmore girls. it becomes shit after about season 4 and you'll get annoyed by the characters but the first few seasons are really good. it's really cozy and I feel like all the shows that I've mentioned have a similar theme (cozy, autumnal type stuff) and this list wouldn't be complete without gilmore girls.

anyway, that's it. peace out

[zoobus]

What's your favourite entry on mangadex with a 6.xx score?

(Re: #Everything on mangadex with a 6.xx rating is either a powerful contender for best of the year or extremely niche fetish softcore)

Ugh, this is a hard one because I haven't been reading a lot lately and I lost a huge chunk of my saves after mangadex was killed off for some months. (Also because I don't actually finish anything I read, lots of my "favorites" are a first volume I loved so much I couldn't finish it. That's how my brain works. I haven't finished anything on this list.) Also best of the year *for the kind of story it's telling.

TW, a good chunk of these have sexual assault and/or skeevy sexual themes

Manga about girl with strong signs of BPD using sex to self-harm, I don't remember the name, sorry - Extremely pathetic girl, desperate to not get bullied ever again, thinks she can fool her peers into thinking she's one of them but nahhh, you see the looks the popular girls give each other - it's like cats watching a wet and whimpering mouse wearing cat ears bite the throat of other mice, looking over her shoulder for proof that this is worth it, that they think she's a cat too. Made me understand how self-harm sex works.

I Would Die for Your First Time - Okay, it's sitting at a 7.09 *now,* but when I read it like five years ago it at 6.18. Guy who looks like a stereotypical fat faceless hentai man marries so far out of his league, it causes him immense distress. Even though his super hot wife clearly loves him, he's unnerved by the fact that she's had so many partners before him, while he only had her. She swears that if she could go back in time, she would make him her first and oh wow is that literally the worst thing she could have said.

Because he does go back in time, and he does try to hold the assurances of his 30yo wife to her 15yo self who doesn't have a clue who he is, and he does find himself ruining the life (and the original timeline they shared) of the poor woman who made the mistake of loving him over and over and over again.

Tamarowa/Who Wants to Marry a Billionaire? - I both get and don't get the hate for this one, harem stuff seems to make people very mad. Anyway, Tamarowa is like if Danganronpa was about Who Wants to Marry A Billionaire, uncut HBO version. And if Danganronpa was good. Great example of horny and good story. Whenever some cornball suggests good writing and fetishistic, hand in pants writing are mutually exclusive, I think of Tamarowa. "I need you to psychoanalyze one of the contestants in my place. Go do ageplay with the milf and deduce the odds she's trying to murder me."

His Favorite Idol Moved Next Door - A fan has a crush on his idol. The idol has a merciless and cruel crush on him back. 6.02 because god forbid we cater to actual female sadists rather than masochists for once 🙄

The Villainess Wants To Punish The Sadistic Prince - I will probably get around to translating the final volume. One day. Please see first paragraph about loving things so much, I don't finish them.

By the way, it might be my pride speaking, but I wouldn't include the last two entries in the niche fetishcore category. That's more for like "my childhood friend is annoying! and also keeps getting splattered with smushed bug goo every chapter" or those collection of pics titled stuff like "The women in your life flirt with you while insulting your gf's small boobs"