#I don’t wANT to go back on my meds tho. sometimes I think they worked. sometimes I don’t think they do

[demonlorddiva]

Obey Me! Brothers When Your On Your Period

Gonna keep the gn for the most part so anyone who gets this can feel included!! We’re all suffering together and I just want comfort 😭✌️p.s this is very me coded and I’m very much a crybaby and overreact to everything when I’m on my period so bare with me. My asks are open so if you want me to delve deeper on certain characters let me know!

Lucifer

Is informed of the menstrual cycle reading up on humans before you came to the devildom… well at least some of them

Makes sure you have the proper supplies you need already stocked in your room

Does NOT understand the emotional part

When Lucifers giving you one of his famous lectures, the pain begins and your just trying to stare at the floor

Lucifer: “are you even listening to me?”

You: “yes”

Lucifer: “I expect more from you as our human exchange student you know?”

At that moment you just put your face in your hands and start sobbing, too overwhelmed with the emotions and the pain

He’s taken aback for sure. He’s always expecting you to get mad at him, talk back, get angry, something other than this

He’s immediately by your side apologizing and making sure your okay

When you explain to him the situation he understands and lets you lay down with no other words

In the future when your on your cycle, he’s very gentle with you

The second he finds out your hurting, he immediately try’s to help in any way he can

Weather it’s getting you painkillers, a heating pad, anything you need

If you need a quiet place to be while your meds kick in he will let you lay down on the couch in his office while he rubs your back

Mammon

Has NO IDEA what a period is

But being your first man he notices the changes in you during that time

In a moment of pain you tell him what’s going on and have to explain to him about it

“Yer bleeding.. and ya do that ONCE A MONTH??? WHY???”

After a while he’s in tune of when it happens (mostly) and what you need

Always keeps pads/tampons on him in case you ask

If your cramping, all bets are off. No one is aloud to bother you or ask you for anything. Your going straight to his room or yours so he can take care of you.

“Leave MC alone! Cant ya see they’re in pain?!?”

If your craving snacks he will raid beels snack stash to get you what you need

Doesn’t mean it but when your upset and not on your period asks “what ya pmsing??”

he just wants to know

He can’t handle it if your emotional tho it gets him worked up too (even tho he tries to hide it)

“Don’t cry ya baby, you’re fine. The great mammons here ya know? It’s okay”

Leviathan

Figured it out through anime (what else is new)

If you tell him he might get a little wiggy and not know what to do

He’s trying his best let him live

Tell him what you need and he will do it for you literally anything

If your in pain he thinks your dying and panics a bit tell him you’ll be okay and you just need comfort

If you come to him teary eyed asking him to hang out he will put on a slice of life anime or something fun and cuddle with you in his bathtub bed

All the plushies and pillows are there so your warm and cozy

Keeps medication in his room on the off chance you need it

Satan

Oh this boy KNOWS about the pms

Read up on every book imaginable

If you get angry or frustrated during this time he completely understands

Your in pain! Who wouldn’t be upset

Definitely wants to fix the situation immediately but that can get overwhelming at times

“What do you need? Medicine? Heating pad? Water? You know you should stay hydrated.”

He’s just trying to help!

But sometimes you just need comfort

When you come to him, you just have to explain that you just need someone to be with you and to relax and it clicks

He will bring you to his room while he lays down and reads with you

If the pain gets to bad he will rub your head or back until you relax more

DEF yells at his brothers if they even think of bothering you

Asmo

I have a HC that asmo knows when your on your cycle before even you do so imma run with that

You don’t understand why he’s being so overly nice to you all of the sudden

He drags you into your room and you don’t get anything until the pain starts

“I just thought you could could use some extra asmo loving right now!”

It seems like he can read your mind on how your feeling

If your aggravated or frustrated he will let you rant and rave

If your sad and crying he will hold you while you let it all out

If your feeling self conscious he will tell you your gorgeous and amazing while he massages your scalp

Self care is in order, even if it’s just a warm bath he prepares for you with all the salts and oils to make you feel so relaxed, you can’t help but feel so cared for

Beel

We love this man but he doesn’t know anything about humans 😭 but he’s so willing to learn if it’s for you

Your pmsing all day at RAD and your very excited to have your snack that you have in the kitchen

After school, you immediately walk into the kitchen to find beel.

You open the cabinet for your snack, finding it gone

“Oh that? Sorry I was hungry”

You immediately start sobbing

He legit doesn’t know what to do

He normally promises to buy you snacks later and you are okay with it

He’s so guilty and so sorry

When you come to your senses and calm down you explain to him what’s going on

Your in pain?? Where does it hurt? How can he help??

Once he gets a grasp on it, every month he’s got you set

All your favorite snacks and sweets are bought for you to enjoy

If you don’t come down for dinner cause your ‘not hungry’ he’s worried

Will figure out your favorite meals you like for this time and make them for you

If you need a cuddle while your in pain he’s so warm and so cozy

Belphegor

He knows about humans and knows about periods but doesn’t know everything

And he’s a little late to the game with you

The other boys have gotten used to how you are during this time of the month and he’s new to it

You two are walking home and he’s upset with you

What could you do? You NEEDED him for a project you were working on for class so you woke him up from his hiding spot to pitch in

And he was upset and ranting

Not knowing the pain and emotional state you were in

You try to hold your tongue for as long as you can as you walk in front of him

Bel: “this is so so stupid, why do I have to do this project anyways?”

You: “I have to do this project too you know? Stop complaining so we can get this over with” you say with an irritated tone, just trying to get home.

Bel: “what, you on your period or something human? Lighten up”

Maybe it was the cramps irritated your body, making your back ache and your head hurt. Or maybe it was the hormones making your emotions run rampant. But you stop in your tracks, making Belphegor stop too

He can’t see your face, but he hears you let a sob out, wiping your eyes before you made a sprint to the house of lamentation 

Belphie doesn’t normally run, but he runs after you, missing you before you run to your room and shut the door behind you

Mammon sees the commotion, and stops him before he can reach your room to ask what happened

When Belphegor tells him, he’s pissed and lets him have it and explains the situation

When he realizes he’s so upset with himself

He shouldn’t have let his frustrations out on you during such a hard time

After a bit in your room, you hear a soft knock at your door

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were hurting”

You spent the rest of the evening cuddling

Finishes his and your part of the project to get some stress off of you

If he felt you twinge with the slightest bit of pain he would hold you that much tighter

After that, if he found out how you were feeling it was immediate nap time, he hates to see you hurting

Will massage your back to get you to fall asleep

Gets a bit too worried when your pain gets too bad and will ask Satan for help if needed

Welp here ya go! Belphegor isn’t even my favorite character and I got SO deep with him so you belphie Stans EAT UP

[angel-shaw]

OK! TMA child AU! Cuz some people showed interest!!

Ok so the basic idea is that a bunch of the TMA crew are kids under Elias and Gertrudes care.

In order of adoption we have

-Michael Shelly. Gertrude adopted him at a very young age and he has no memory of his birth parents or how exactly Gertrude found him

-Gerry, Gerry is an slightly older teen who still technically lives with his mom but he spends most of his time at the manor (the manor is basically just a big house idk). Gertrude knew Mary but lowkey hated that bitch so she stole her kid.

-Jon. Again Gertrude knew Jon’s grandma so when she couldn’t, or didn’t want to, take care of Jon she took him in. He still visits her.

-Martin, Gertrude was very close to Martins mom so she already knew Martin, when his mom got hospitalized she agreed to look after him. He vists as oftan as he can, even some of the other kids do.(his moms not a total bitch in this btw…yet)

-Sasha, she lived on the streets and tried to mug Elias. She did fail but only cuz Elias is who he is. He thought she was adorable and was tired of the other kids he needed to care for so he brought her home and legally adopted her.

-Tim + Michal(distortion). Tim and Michal were found together. They both were found by Gerry after excapeing their situation. At first they were very hesitant but recognized Sasha from her time on the street so they agreed to stay there. They are very close to each other and don’t trust easily (well Tim doesn’t, Michal has no sense of danger)

-Jane, Martin found her under a bridge wejile playing with bugs one day, she looked cold so he brought her back to the house. Gertrude helped clean her up, she had extremely matted hair and a lot of bugs attached to her. She wouldn’t let go of Martin until hours later.

-Melony, idk when she showed up or how or what her family situation is, she is here tho and I love her.

-Georgie is friends with Jon but doesn’t live with them, she has parents and house. She does come over often tho because Elias is rich.

-Basira also doesn’t live there, but no one except Daisy knows where she lives. She’s really only over if Daisy is.

-Daisys dad is a cop who works by the manor, she goes with him to work and wonders as she likes. She ends up at the house a lot because there’s always something interesting going on.

Then there’s Michael Crew who’s dateing Gerry. (I saw a tictok and I love them together now, leave me alone)

-Not Sasha is also here btw, the kids say her name in a very heavy American accent and that’s how they differ the names between Sasha and her, I will just say it’s not Sasha cuz idk how to show it’s different 💀. I don’t have a very solid idea for how she got picked up but I think she would be trying to impersonate Sasha in someway, maybe online or something and somehow just ended up moving in

Elias is dateing/married to Peter. He’s around sometimes

There is everyone who is included this far!

I do have a separate house that is run by The Angler fish (in a human form obviously) and he cares for kids as well, like the med students, Nicola, N!Sasha (kinda), Jane(eventually she walks between the two places to just hang out so he cares for her when she’s with them), and one suprise kid! :D (Guess who!)

I haven’t actually written anything but I have a lot of story and head canons:) but I don’t wanna make this to long so if y’all like this I’ll post more!!

Tag list for those who responded to my original post so y’all can see this!!! :D

@frontflip-somersault-express @jubjubbird @thehistoryone @aboxisonmyhead @nonbinarytoast @moonvalley94 @pigeons-with-jello @riddle-on-the-milk-carton

I hope I got y’all’s tags right!!! Please leave comments and suggestions!!! I love reading and hearing input!!! Plus if you wanna ask questions about the AU that will help give me something the jump off on!

[devils-little-sista]

This is just me kinda projecting my sleeping habits onto Nico don’t mind me

Nico goes through a cycle of three different periods where he doesn’t sleep at all for a while and then he sleeps 24/7 for a while and then it kinda evens out but it’s backwards like he sleeps for most of the day and is awake all night and if he has things to do during those days he will take naps in between doing things. And the cycle rinses and repeats.

Sometimes there are triggers for these insomnia and depression nap episodes and sometimes Nico has no idea what the trigger was and he thinks maybe it just happens naturally sometimes.

I think it started when he came to camp halfblood in the titans curse. The question is: I’m not sure if it started with full on insomnia or his circadian rythum going topsey turvey. He mention somewhere in TTC that he doesn’t sleep well at camp. Could mean insomnia or turning nocturnal. The trigger was the big change in his life of being a demigod and crushing on Percy and Bianca leaving him and dying. Has an insomnia episode right after he runs away for sure the trigger being Bianca dying.

And in the battle of the labyrinth I think he’s mostly having a big long insomnia episode. Except for that one time he was chillin at that ranch house with the older son of Ares what was his name *reads writing on hand* Eurytion. And Nico came out the house with a giant robe on that was the only time he had slept in battle of the labyrinth he probably slept for like 2 days straight depression nap and then went right back into an insomnia episode. The trigger for this episode: Minos and trying to bring Bianca back and the labyrinth and Minos driving him a little insane

And then in the last Olympian I think he started out going through that backwards circadian rhythm cycle. He’s mostly sleeping during the day and up all night. But he’s got stuff to do during the day now he’s gotta help Percy get the Styx curse in the underworld. He’s very tired throughout the whole visiting May Castellan ordeal. And after the underworld incident he just kinda has to force himself into an insomnia episode so that he can convince Hades and Persephone and Demeter to fight in battle of manhattan.

And for the weeks after where he stays at camp he just takes little cat naps during the day and up all night. Despite him actually trying his hardest to sleep at night and be normal it just doesn’t work he eventually gives up

And then in son of Neptune he’s definitely in the midst of an insomnia episode. Just the way he acts throughout this book is borderline manic (maybe actually manic). He doesn’t sleep at all in Tartarus. When they put him in the jar he has to force himself into depression nap even tho him and his body want sleep deprived manic insomnia episode.

When he gets out of the jar on the Argo 2 I think he has a lot of insomnia he’s very scared to sleep for many reasons. Nightmares and giants and goddesses wanting to send dream messages to him. He wants to ignore them like they’re not there like they’re an annoying email. But he’s not as manic during this episode if he is he doesn’t show it. He’s got no energy for mania. He just barely keeps himself awake for a several days and eventually passes out. For 2-4 days. He wants to lay in the med bay cot he slept in forever he never wants to get up. But eventually he makes himself get up so as not to concern Hazel. Forced himself into another insomnia episode after another.

Then in blood of Olympus he’s wanting to sleep forever but has to force himself awake for this quest. But then right after BoO he spirals on insomnia. Stays up for about 6 and a half days total. There was a lot going on those days and Nico wanted to be awake and aware of everything happening. Collapsed on the 7th morning after Gea is defeated. Sleeps for several days. Only gets up because he got bored and wanted to hang out with Jason.

And I don’t know what comes after that. I don’t remember much of Nico in ToA so idk man. I think this is the end of the line for me now. I’m going to sleep now good night guys.

Oh wait no I forgot about the sword of hades short story. I thinks he was in insomnia episode. Because it happens in the middle of the day and Nico said he had been at a graveyard in New Jersey before Persephone shadow summoned him. And he seems very awake throughout that whole ordeal. And I think after he had a long sleep.

[triplexdoublex]

technically yes nobody can save you but I agree that hearing your fav saying that they’ve been through the same stuff that u have is very comforting especially when dealing with mental illness cause it can be a very isolating experience. But it is your choice and decision to get better, your fav person can show u that they also went to therapy and how it has helped them and that can influence you to go and try it out but that’s still up to u. With Kells I think he’s struggling a lot even if he tries not to show it to not worry us that much, and from what I’ve seen I don’t think he feels deserving of our love and devotion to him or that his mind wants to believe that we will turn on him and he’ll end up alone as he was most of his life. The line “who am I when the music stops” imo kind of shows that he’s scared all the love and support will leave when he’s not singing no more, and that maybe everyone who hated will come out in support of him only when he’s dead, cause that’s what’s happened to a lot of artists who have passed (like he mentioned in his line “thinkin maybe the hate’ll finally go away if I’m not alive”). He definitely knows we love him through the support we give him on music and project but I think he’s scared to even through music really be honest with us cause he’ll be scrutinised for it. He’s got so many eyes on him now and I think he’s scared to lose the fame and publicity he so badly wanted for so long. I believe with “don’t let me go” he even said that it was a song he usually wouldn’t put out if he had more time to sit on it or something. and I think that’s why he’s also holding onto Megan. She helped him get the fame he worked so hard for years to get, he finally got the recognition that he so badly fought for and I think if he loses her he's afraid he’ll also lose that part of fame and the awards and such, not saying he didn’t get awards before Megan but she definitely helped him get to another level of fame and publicity. And I think if he loses Megan he’ll be made fun of in the media. At the start everyone was so out of their minds on how a guy like him could get the world loved hottie Megan Fox and if it comes out saying that they aren’t together anymore, even tho all the people who saw the relationship as toxic or weird will be happy, he’ll still be laughed at for managing to lose the “most beautiful women”. Like they made fun of him after the em disses, he’ll also be made fun of if he loses Megan.

TW// Suicide ideation

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Yes technically you’re saving yourself by making the decisions needed to better your mental health but sometimes you need that spark of hope to get you started and kells is that spark for a lot of people. I’ve had many sparks along my mental health journey one of them actually being song lyrics from the song “Self Conclusion” by The Spill Canvas. I was driving home from work thinking about ending it all, I already knew how I was gonna do it — I had recently had my wisdom teeth removed and this was back when they would give you prescription pain meds for literally anything (which is how how the opioid crisis started) They gave me Percocet even though I said that I didn’t want them because I was afraid of getting addicted (addiction runs in my family) He insisted I would NEED them. But I didn’t they sat in my cabinet full and unused, and I was planning to take the bottle. I had just pulled into my driveway when the song started playing , a song I’d heard a million times before but the lyrics “we all flirt with the tiniest notion of self conclusion in one simplified motion, the trick is your never supposed to act on it, no matter how unbearable this misery gets” hit different in that moment and felt like a sign to me to stay and get help. I sat in the car and sobbed for what felt like fovever , then went inside and got rid of the pills. And did start therapy shortly after. Yearsss later when I met the lead singer I thanked him for SAVING me! Of course I was the one who decided not to go through with it and to start going to therapy , but what if I never heard that song at the exact moment I needed it , would I even be here having this conversation… there’s a good chance I wouldn’t. So yes I believe I was saved by their music!

Kells definitely gets a lot underserved hate , he has shared many times that he worries about not being appreciated until his dead. Another lyric that comes to mind is “everybody hates, but can anybody love me, guess they’ll wait until my face is on the mural” i think he finally did get a little taste of being taken more seriously when Tickets to my downfall and Mainstream sellout both went number one and her acquired a bunch of new fans . But it must be so hard to know that pretty much everyone outside of the fanbase hates him.

I don’t believe Megan helped kells to rise to fame , if anything he boosted her non existent acting career ( when was the last time you heard about Megan Fox before they got together … maybe 2007ish ) Kells gained more fame for revitalizing the pop-punk scene, but I do agree that he will be dragged for ‘loosing Megan’ I’ve already seen evidence of it in social media comments

[polyamorouspunk]

Heyheyhey!!! How’s yr day been? Mine’s been ight, i’m going to another country in a week and i’m super nervous. I don’t travel much ;-;

I think it’s gonna be fun tho!! Do you travel much? Have any tips for the flight n stuff? Have a good day dude!! Oh n how’s the kitten? Osiris? They still around?

Osiris’s new hobby is hissing and growling which is entertaining because she’s still small enough to scoop up with one hand without much thought or effort.

I do have experience traveling a lot!

Sometimes people have trouble popping their ears during altitude, so bringing gum or something chewy like starburst or something can be helpful, even just as a backup.

Planes are VERY loud, I usually pre-download podcasts before my flight and just jack up the volume while I’m on my flight.

If you flight at night they usually turn the lights to dim so people can sleep. Water/ice is usually free, everything else usually costs money. It generally more worth it to just bring your own snacks.

The airports I’ve been to recently don’t have you take out liquids or meds or electronics or anything anymore which is nice, just shoes and jackets, phones, and jewelry.

It gets boring if you follow the whole “2 hours early” thing, so be careful of not draining your phone battery before your flight. Eating is a good way to pass the time, but food cost money obviously.

I’ve traveled by plane twice within the past 4 months, and I’m about to fly out again at the end of July.

My day has been pretty good all things considered. I’m keeping busy at work on tasks that I’m enjoying. When I get home I’m probably going to schedule some time to have a small/short depressive episode because I sent a… not like a “risky” text but like one of those texts where you say something and you’re 99% sure you’re not going to hear back what you actually want to hear, so like gotta build in some time to mope before I go to sleep so hopefully I don’t go to bed depressed but I’m not checking it here so I have to mope around work depressed either. Really gotta think this shit out.

I hope you have a lot of fun on your trip. Since I’ve started traveling by myself I’ve loved it, but my mom and I always traveled together growing up as well. It’s been especially helpful to feel like I can escape my problems here, even just for a short while. Turn my brain off from work and interpersonal relationships that aren’t going well and keeping up with chores and just… live in the moment, truly. Especially with my best friends.

[pinkspiraling]

i hate SSRIs :)

tw suicide

i want to stop taking zoloft but not for any good reason, i just don’t like the way i feel. idk if i’m making this up in my head but when i get really upset about something (being alive), once the upset feeling has been high for a while i get very calm and neutral. i would assume that’s the meds trying to regulate my mood? idk how that shit works, don’t laugh at me if i’m being dumb lol. either way i don’t fucking like it. last week it was a good thing that actually really helped one day bc i was upset over something that i could just move on from. but today when i’m fucking so suicidal and so deep into those thoughts and then all of a sudden i’m just…chillin??? i don’t like that, it makes me think it’s my own fault in a way and then i feel stupid for getting worked up about it and then frustrated that the feelings just got ripped away. it’s just an intense mood swing from such a high level of bad emotion to absolutely nothing, feeling like a zombie. id rather just be eaten alive by the emotion tbh, cause at least it gets me somewhere (sometimes bad places but yk) whereas being numb just leaves me with…???? nothing. i do feel guilty tho :) because i know i should WANT to not be upset or depressed or suicidal but once it gets taken away i’m like…what…no…come back. because the absence of it doesn’t actually mean the opposite of it. it’s like going from depressed to depressed adjacent and shit i’d rather just be depressed

idk if any of that made any fucking sense whatsoever lmao

[glamrockgorl]

The First Day of Senior Year

hi! my name is rei, nice to meet y’all :) i’m a super creative, super cool person who happens to be queer (i go by she/they pronouns) and I wanna share with you my high school senior year experience as a dual enrolment student. Senior year can be crazy and scary sometimes because it’s a glimpse into what the future may look like, but I want to use this blog series to show you that not all of these things have to scare us. Maybe we can try to find the joy in change, and face it head on with our heads held high. As someone who’s struggled with depression for many years now and is on meds for it, I know how terrifying change can be, even if it’s just a change in school or environment, but I want to show you that you can do it. Sure, they’ll be some bumps along the way, but let’s do it together :) So, let’s get into it! my first day…

August 22nd, 2023

Today was kinda crazy, but exciting!! I woke up at 7:30, laid in bed for a while and almost fell back asleep, then I took a shower and got dressed in my dope back to school outfit and rolled out the door. My campus this year is like 40 minutes away, and an hour with all the traffic, so I had to leave early but I got there on time for my first class; Earth Science. I picked it cuz I though it would be easy but I don’t think that’s gonna be the case lol :) that’s okay tho, it’ll just take some studying. we had a little intro, and then got some homework assigned. Nothing major, just some beginning stuff. Then after that, I drove around campus to find my next class: CERAMICS! I was so excited for this classssssss and it seems like it’ll be a really cool experience so i’m stoked for that. I guess I just wish I could have made some friends or something, but we’ll see. that takes time. After my classes were done I headed home, ate some lunch, watched some Stranger Things, and got ready for work. I work at a sub shop, and tonight I was closing. I also happen to work with my ex lol which is hilarious to me so we were scheduled together tonight but it was totally chill and we got out of work on time which was great, and then I spotted a cute guy and left a note with my snap on it on his windshield cuz i’m just so charming and amazing :) so yeah, today was fun. A little hectic, but that’s okay. Tmr I think imma catch up on some online work and then just finish my crochet project maybe? Or maybe i’ll go try to find some friends :,(

This is a cautiously optimistic Rei, signing off.

[roadkillreverie]

Demons IRL

So I started looking into sleep paralysis and some people say the demons are real and that basically I need to stop sinning and come back to Jesus. Is this God’s way of punishing me? Haha very funny, bro. Ok you want me to slow down, I get it. You want me to get my priorities straight. Like stop drinking and doing drugs. Stop partying and spending money and focus on going back to work and getting better. Start eating right, exercising, sleep and take showers everyday. Start taking my meds again, the ones that make me feel like a zombie, all dead inside. It’s kinda hard right now tho. I feel sad. Depressed. Don’t wanna do anything. I feel alone. And don’t see the point tbh. I feel like I have no purpose. Sometimes, I think, ok I’m gonna wake up early tmrw and work out and lose weight and look and feel good so I can attract someone, so they can be with me. And I want it so bad. But I just don’t do it. And I feel guilty and sad that I can’t do it. Idk why. I’d ask my therapist but I don’t think she likes me anymore. She seemed annoyed with me the last time I spoke to her. Like she basically said not to let the sad thoughts control me. Easier said than done, bish.

[remarkable-ghost]

[fantastic-bby]

SKZ as animal hybrid boyfriends

Pairing: Reader x Members

Word count: 2.9k

Genre: Fluff | Headcanon | Animal Hybrid/Shifter AU | Boyfriend AU

Warnings: Very brief mention of spiders

Masterlist

Chan

A husky hybrid

Has the CUTEST pair of gray and white ears that stick out of the top of his head

Also has the most gorgeous pair of pale blue eyes that glow in the dark

He has a fluffy white tail that wags like crazy whenever he’s excited because he doesn’t know how to stop it from showing

He’s also the sweetest boyfriend in. The. WORLD!

Always asks how you’re doing

Makes sure your not missing any meals and that you’re always hydrated

Every morning, he wakes you up with cute good morning texts and he always tries to send you good night texts sometimes forgets because he gets so caught up in work

He makes up for it tho

Sends flowers to your place whenever he forgets uwu

Chan’s the perfect boyfriend

The only problem is that you’re allergic to dogs

He didn’t realise why you always seemed to sneezy and stuffy whenever you would come over to his place

Until you told him

And his reaction makes you feel like you just told him the most horrific thing in the world

To him it is!!!!

Because he’s the reason that you’ve been having allergic reactions around him!!

He starts vacuuming his place more often to keep any fur away and makes sure to keep the area super clean so that you’re clear from anything that could cause a reaction

He also starts lint rolling and vacuuming his clothes before giving them to you so that you don’t take any of his fur home unless you ask him to leave his fur

Chan gets confused whenever you tell him that you don’t want him to vacuum or wash his hoodies before giving them to you

But you like them because every time you see the strands of gray and white fur sticking out of his hoodie, it reminds you of him

So instead,

Chan starts buying a crap ton of allergy meds

Puts them in every corner of his house

In the bathroom

The kitchen

The living room

The bedroom

Literally everywhere just in case you get a super bad reaction

That way he’s always prepared for anything

Minho

A maine coon hybrid

The most luscious fur ever known to man

His cat ears are so fluffy and always well groomed

He has this beautiful fluffy orange tail that he’s gotten pretty good at hiding his feelings with

Usually a hybrid’s animal features would probably give away their emotions, but Minho learned to control his ears and tails really well

It’s just that his ears are really sensitive and they flick around every few seconds whenever he’s in a crowded place

He has a pair of yellow eyes that are constantly in the shape of slits simply because he wants to intimidate everyone around him

Also always has his claws out because they intimidate strangers

Wouldn’t tell anyone, but Minho lets his pupils dilate when he’s alone with you (´∀｀)♡

He also likes to tease you a lot but you know he’s just joking because if he was serious, his tail wouldn’t be so related

You try not to tell him because then he’ll start working harder to hide his tail swishes

Is the most precious yet teasing boyfriend out there

He’ll make a joke about you eating a lot of ice cream whenever you’re sad, but he’ll always have your favourite ice cream in the freezer

If you complain about some kind of muscle pain, Min would call you weak but then also come home with muscle relief patches that he’ll stick to you himself

Minho likes to shift into cat form if you’re stressed because then it means that he wouldn’t really disturb you a lot

His footsteps are way quieter when he’s in cat form as compared to human form

So if you’re stressed or tired and you ask him to give you time

Minho would shift and hide in one of the cat towers he bought for himself until he hears you coming out of the bedroom

The moment he hears the sound of the bedroom door opening, he’ll lift his head and peek out from the top

If you sit on the floor right in front of the tower, Minho will scurry off of the tower to sit in your lap to

But if you don’t even look at the tower and you instead go to the kitchen, he’ll wait a bit longer to give you more time

Changbin

Yk I wanna say he’d be some cursed Dwaekki hybrid the skzoo dwaekki haunts me in my sleep

But I genuinely feel like he’d be something really threatening like a wild animal

So if Chan’s a husky and Minho’s a maine coon

I’m gonna throw Changbin in as a grizzly bear because he’s a tank of a man and I love him for that

His ears are dark brown and rounded, poking out from the top of his head

His eyes are super dark brown and sometimes you can’t even tell if you’re able to see the white in his eyes bcs his pupils are just that big

His hands have these huge black claws that could claw someone apart if he wanted to

Also has a cute brown tail that he often hides underneath his clothes because it’s small enough for him to sit on

He gives THE BEST CUDDLESSSS!!!!!

Sometimes shifts into bear form just to cuddle you because it’s cold and relying on the heater might make it too warm

So Binnie likes to use his own fur to warm you up if he notices you shivering

Also would not hesitate to bear his teeth at anyone who tries to hurt you

Changbin doesn’t really tell anyone this

But one of his proudest bear traits is his ability to vocalise like a bear

Which means that whenever he feels the need to protect you or whoever’s around him

He will growl like a bear

And it’s terrifying

You didn’t even know that Changbin could roar until one night when a stranger wouldn't take your ‘no’ as an answer and your boyfriend almost lost his mind

He pulled you behind him and grabbed the collar of their shirt and just roared at them

The stranger being a hybrid of a smaller bear species immediately scrambled off

But Changbin also immediately switches back into sweet, cuddly boyfriend the moment he turns back to you <3

Hyunjin

A sphynx hybrid

Very dramatic

Very loud

He has pink cat ears sticking out of the top of his head with a little black splotch on his left ear

He also has this naked pink tail that sticks out from underneath his shirt

Every minor inconvenience and Hyunjin’s meowing and whining to you about it and you think it’s funny every time he does

Like the time he misplaced his sock and was crying all over your shared home looking for it until he found it underneath the bed

His claws are retractable, so he usually hides them because he doesn’t want to hurt anyone on accident unlike Minho

He’s VERY cuddly both in human form and cat form

Hyunjin likes to do the ‘kneading the dough’ thing whenever you’re cuddling

And ends up leaving holes in your clothes because his claws would accidentally grab onto the fabric

Would also feel really bad afterwards because now he’s ruined your shirt

You reassure him that it’s fine

But Hyunjin’s dramatic also kinda wants an excuse to go shopping with you

So he cries about it and it leads to him dragging you to the mall so that he can buy you a new one

Ends up getting distracted at a cat cafe because he’s made conversation with one of the cats there

And he’s basically talking to them like he’s a middle aged wine mom talking about their weird husbands

You have to remind him what the goal is

But he’s so immersed in the conversation with the orange tabby that you can only watch in amusement

Hyunjin’s talking to it in English while the cat nods with it’s tail swishing every time he asks it a question, mewling every once in a while as a response

You watch with a smile on your face, chin resting against the palm of your hand as you listen

You can only gather that Hyunjin’s telling the cat about why you’re at the mall

And the cat turns to you with a bored expression on its face before meowing

“She says good luck on finding a new shirt”

You nod and reach out to pet the cat’s head as thanks

You and Hyunjin leave after a while

And soon, the trip to get one shirt turns into a shared shopping spree

Jisung

Kinda obvious but he’s a squirrel hybrid

He has a pair of rounded, light brown ears on the top of his head

A bushy light brown tail that bumps into everything whenever he’s in cramped spaces

And the CUTEST pair of brown eyes EVERRRRR

His squirrel trait is where he gets the habit of stuffing food into his cheeks whenever he eats

Ji’s really good at climbing

So he has this long ass piece of wood that he keeps in the living room of his home so that he can still climb something in squirrel form if he can’t go outside

He also has tiny black claws that he uses mainly for practicality when he's in human form

So stuff like cutting into plastic, through strings and to open mail

He just slides his finger across the top of the envelope and boom

Jisung’s quite clumsy

It doesn’t help that he has this huge, bushy tail behind him

He bumps you with it a lot and he’s always so apologetic over it

But it’s fine because it’s his tail and it’s soft and cute and it’s part of Jisung UwU

There were a couple of times where you would wake up and his tail would be tickling your sides

So you’d wake up giggling

And it would wake him up too

He’d turn around and immediately wrap his arms around your waist to cuddle into you

You love playing with his ears

Jisung’s really responsive whenever you pet his squirrel features

So if you touch his tail in public

He’s jolting forward like AHHH

And you like to gently rub his ears whenever you’re cuddling

Jisung usually ends up cuddling into you more because he really likes it whenever you play with his ears

He has a habit of making those squirrel squeaks whenever he’s uncomfortable

So in public, if he feels like he’s overwhelmed or wants to leave

He’ll cling onto your arm and start squeaking softly so that only you’re able to hear

And it’s an easy way for you to know that he wants to leave without him actually telling you

Felix

Horned owl hybrid

He has two sets of white and brown feathers that poke out from the top of his head and curls to the back

He does, however, have talons at his fingertips that he doesn’t really like because it gets caught on a lot of things

Has feathers running down his arms, but can’t actually fly in human form

His eyes are this beautiful amber colour

He also has a lot of hanging stuff in his house that he likes to fly back and forth to whenever he shifts into owl form

Absolutely loves doing the head spinning trick because you freaked out the first time you saw him do it as a human

Felix also has really light footsteps

So sometimes you don’t even hear him coming into a room and suddenly he’s beside you

Which scares you sometimes

Overall, Felix is just unintentionally scary.

Buuuut

Because he has really good eyesight at night

And because he’s nocturnal

He sleeps in the day

Which means that all of his work is done at night while you’re asleep

His hearing is intense which means that he could hear the smallest pin dropping in the kitchen from the bedroom

So when he hears something strange coming from the kitchen

He’s immediately crawling out of bed and peeking out of the bedroom door

That’s when he sees a spider crawling out from behind the fridge

A huge spider

Now, Felix does NOT like spiders

But he knows that if you wake up in the middle of the night to get a drink, then you’re going to be freaked out by too

But he should be able to toss it out the window in owl form

So Felix pops open one of the windows and shifts

His silent flying and sharp night vision make it a quick mission that’s executed without much hassle

He manages to grab the spider with his talons and just tosses it straight out of the window

By the time Felix has returned to the bedroom

You’ve woken up because you realised he wasn’t beside you anymore

So he climbs back into bed and lets you hold onto him while you fall back asleep

Seungmin

Labrador hybrid

Has a pair of golden ears flopping over the top of his head

Also has a golden tail that he usually hides because if he gets over excited then it’ll wag all over the place and might bump into things

Is a relatively quiet person and is also a quiet dog

He doesn’t say or bark that much

But you’ve come to learn how to read his body language

Because his posture both in human form and dog form speak his thoughts

Like whenever he’s standing tall then you’ll figure that Minnie’s probably uncomfortable or feels threatened

As quiet as he is

He’s extremely attentive to your needs as well

Seungmin’s able to catch your body language way quicker than you are at reading his

Which means that the moment you look uncomfortable, he’s immediately moving to stand beside you with an arm wrapped around you

Think of it as that TikTok trend that’s like ‘using my scary dog privilege’

In this case

Seungmin’s more than happy to be the scary dog that lets you walk around alone

He’d bark and bite at anything or anyone who would try to hurt you

Even in human form, he’d growl as a warning to other animal hybrids that are around you

Whenever you’re out in public, Seungmin tries to stay by your side just in case anything happens

But when he has to part from you to talk to another group of your friends

He keeps you in his line of sight

He’d always angle himself in conversations so that the person he’s talking to has their back facing you so that he’s able to see you

And when a cat hybrid suddenly approaches you

Seungmin’s more on the attentive side but he hasn’t gone into protective mode because you don’t look uncomfortable

But then your frame starts to shrink

He immediately changes his posture

Which scares the people around him because suddenly, Seungmin looks so scary

He waits a moment longer and the moment you start looking around the room for him, he’s shoved his drink into the hands of Hyunjin so that he can make his way over to you

He slings his arm over your shoulder and glares at the cat hybrid who’s now extremely intimidated by the presence of the labrador hybrid

Seungmin leans close to the cat and growls at them until they run off

He stays with you for the rest of the night and the way he stays in protective mode makes you feel safe

Until you get home and Seungmin’s back to this ball of cuddle fluff that you absolutely love (｡♥‿♥｡)

Jeongin

Fennec fox hybrid

Has a big pair of white fluffy ears that poke out of his head

Has a fluffy white tail that blends into a more golden colour that’s long enough to poke out from underneath his shirt

He has super insane hearing

Even if he has headphones in, he can hear the outside world

Bodes well for him because whenever you walk into his apartment, he’ll walk out immediately to greet you

He never actually feels hot or warm because his body heat radiates off of his ears

Is always cold in human form

In fox form, his fur insulates his body instead so he doesn’t feel much of a difference

Has a habit of not drinking for hours because he can get stuck in his fox form

Also has a habit of chewing on your desk plants if he deems them edible

Unfortunately for you, that means you’ll come home to your beautiful plant babies half eaten and munched away because your fox boyfriend wanted a snack

To solve this problem, you filled the fridge with berries and vegetables for whenever he feels like snacking

But sometimes he goes overboard and he pretty much eats everything he can find when he forgets to eat for a while

He’s a fox hybrid that doesn’t know how to shift on command

Usually he has this big urge to shift but he’ll be stuck in one form for a while before being able to switch

He doesn’t know any other fox hybrids

So Jeongin has to learn to control his animalistic instincts with the help of you!

His human partner

Lucky for the both of you

You have a friend who’s a red fox hybrid

She’s not a fennec fox

But she still shares similar instincts to Jeongin because they’re both fox hybrids

So now Jeongin comes to you with the biggest smile on his face whenever he’s accomplished something, gushing about how Fox Noona taught him how to shift on command

He’ll show you

And you watch as he shifts into this tiny little fennec fox with a big smile on his snout (Ｔ▽Ｔ)

[ghostdrew22]

Can I request a draco x reader where they just stay together all day even tho its a school day so they just like skip school all day and then one of their friends catch them? It probably sounds confusing but I LOVE YOUR WRITING

Where Words Fall Short || Draco Malfoy

So I changed it into a teacher catching them instead, I hope it still suits your fancy. Thank you so much for this request, I had quite a nice time writing it <3

Requested: Yes Pairing: Draco Malfoy x fem!reader Warnings: mentions of mental illness? Idk what I should be warning you against in this one tbh so if you find anything then let me know <3 Summary: Draco is having a hard morning so Y/N keeps him company and they ditch lessons.

WORDS : 2114

~~~

Growing up, Draco continuously watched as a curtain was drawn above the topic of mental health in his household. What should’ve been long, informative discussions about his withstanding family history and hereditary struggles with mental health, was broken down into, “Your father just gets a bit overwhelmed sometimes”, and “Your mother is a woman, and as women do, she often gets erratic until she tires herself out.”

None of it was true, of course, just excuses used to try and avoid the problem. But it wasn’t discussed. Not when Narcissa would sleep for days on end, or when Lucius was hospitalised, and especially not when Draco began to display symptoms similar to his parents. The family healer was called in, Draco was diagnosed and medicated, and it was discussed no further. Because words were just not the Malfoy way.

You’d long become accustomed to his habits when he wasn’t feeling well, he’d told you himself about his struggles, and you’d adjusted quickly enough. Now you know, just by the sight of him, when he’s having a rough day. As hard as Draco tries to follow in his parent’s footsteps and draw a veil on his suffering, he just can’t bring himself to do it when you’re around. You make him feel safe.

You read the watch on your wrist, 8.10am, and sigh when you notice that Draco’s still not in the Great Hall for breakfast. Draco prides himself on being organised and punctual, so when he’s even five minutes late to breakfast you know that he’s having one of those days and he might just not get out of bed.

“He’s just running late this morning, I watched him walk to the showers.” Crabbe says beside you as he notices worry etch its way onto your features. You nod and smile at him.

“Thanks Crabbe.”  You respond before grabbing the empty plate on your other side and filling it up with Draco’s favourites.

It’s another ten minutes before Draco finally walks into the Great Hall, and you feel your heart wrench at the sight of him- hair still wet from showering, faint bags beneath his eyes and a solemn look painting his face- he looks exhausted. You smile at him when he settles into the space beside you and he smiles back, but it doesn’t reach his eyes.

He interlocks your fingers together as he sits down and you slide the plate of food toward him. He kisses the back of your hand as a thank you and you nod before turning back to your own food. On mornings like this conversation is sparse- it’s like a useless chore that you can both afford to forget- and you both resort to actions as a means of conversation.

Normally, words would be spent on endless declarations of love, confirmations of support, queries of comfort and insurmountable pleas to just sit in silence together. But now, now with this routine and understanding that sits comfortably on the border of your relationship, words no longer need to transpire between you both in order for there to be a mutual understanding of what you both need.

Most kisses are ‘I love you’ or ‘thank you’, but every so often when Draco paints every square inch of your face in adoration with his lips, then he’s telling you that you’re beautiful, that every piece of you is just another reason for him to fall deeper into love with you. Hugs are usually him begging for attention, trying discreetly to drag you away from whatever it is that you’re doing and bring you down to his dorm with him for cuddles.

But Draco’s preferred method of communication on days like this, is squeezing your hand. Information by hand squeeze increases in degree; one is ‘I’m fine, just tired’, two is ‘I’m probably going to disappear halfway through the day for some alone time’, and three is ‘Please spend the day with me’.

So when you feel that familiar pressure against your hand come in waves of three that morning, you know that he’s having a particularly bad day. You turn to him and nod, and this time when he smiles at you, it actually does reach his eyes.

~~~

When the first lesson of the day is underway, Muggle Studies, you and Draco are lying in his bed in his shared dormitory. There’s a risk of one his roommates coming back to collect a forgotten book or leftover homework, but it matters little when the two of you are spaced out in the small world of your own invention. You’re running your hands through his hair as his head sits comfortably on your chest, and his fingers are running up and down your other arm in an effort to keep him occupied.

The two of you spend the next few hours like that, just lying in his bed in silence as Draco thinks himself into oblivion and you try to calm him down. It doesn’t work though, and at some point you grow frustrated at the amount of tension that he’s built up in this shoulders, and demand that he gets up.

“Why?” He asks with furrowed eyebrows as he lifts his head off of your chest.

“Do you trust me?” He nods, and you smile. “Good, then come on.”

You pull him behind you quietly as the two of you roam the castle and head toward the Astronomy Tower- trying desperately not to arouse suspicion and get caught skipping lessons just as the day is ending.

When you reach the top and see that the sun is shining faintly, a satisfied sigh escapes your lips. All that cold and darkness in the dungeons wasn’t good for Draco and you’d lugged him all the way up here for some sunshine. You know that it won’t really fix anything that’s bothering him, but at least the Vitamin D might lift his spirits a little bit or help him to relax a tad more.

You sit on the ground and pull Draco down to sit beside you. He drops his head against your shoulder and pulls the back of your hand up to his lips, Thank you, is what the action says and you smile at the small acknowledgement. You lean your own head against his that’s resting on your shoulder and he shuts his eyes in content as you pull out the book that you’d brought up to read.

“Should I read to you?” You ask and he nods very softly, so you do as he asks and begin to read the novel out loud.

It’s mundane, sure, but Draco thinks that he could spend the rest of his life like this. When words have always failed him, you’ve been there to pick up pieces of his unsaid ministrations. Most people, if not all the people in his life, have always found his failure to conjure up words and describe his feelings, annoying. But not you, never you, you have always loved the way he tries so hard to show you his love instead of tell it to you. Whenever he feels torn apart, like a rag doll being tugged on both arms, you somehow manage to remind him that he’s made of skin and bone, not cloth and plastic. It’s you that reminds him he’s worth something, even when he feels as though he’s worth nothing.

“Y/N.”

“Hmm?” You respond absent-mindedly as you turn your head slowly away from the pages and toward Draco. When you catch a glimpse of his contorted features, concern washes over you. “What’s wrong? Do you want to go back inside?”

“No, no.” He shakes his head softly and smiles at you. “I just want to chat, is that okay?”

“Well… I was enjoying this book…” You tease and laugh when you see that he’s not amused. “I’m kidding, am’ all yours love.” You peck him on the lips quickly before closing your book and putting it aside.

He sighs, “I’ve been thinking-”

“Oh, that’s never good.” You immediately respond and he narrows his eyes at you which makes you laugh, “Okay, I’ll stop now.”

“You’re lucky I love you.” He says with a roll of his eyes, and a small smile, before he takes a deep breath and continues. “I’m going off my meds.”

You take a moment to digest what he’s said before nodding slowly, “Oh…”

“Oh…?” He raises his eyebrows in anticipation, worried that you won’t support his decision. “Are you mad?”

You’re taken aback by his question and turn to face him in confusion. “Mad? Why would I be mad?”

He shrugs, “I don’t know, mother was furious when I told her.”

“Okay, but your mother is notorious for having the emotional range of a green bean,” Draco, albeit begrudgingly, laughs at your comment with a shake of his head, “What? Am I wrong?” You ask with a laugh as well.

“You’re not wrong but that’s not the point. You’re bloody rude!” He tries to stop laughing but it’s not working and soon enough the two of you are rolling around on the ground, crying your eyes out in laughter.

After a good three minutes has passed the two of you have finally calmed down and the serious atmosphere has returned. “I’m not mad Draco, I could never be mad at you.”

“You were mad that time I tried to force a Ravenclaw to do my Muggle Studies research for me.” He says in a matter-of-fact tone and you shove him lightly.

“That was because you were harassing that innocent child!” You exclaim with another giggle, “I’ve never been mad at you for doing something that involves only you.”

“What about when I dyed all my pubic hair-“

“I told you never to speak of that.” You cut him off sternly before he can continue and a naughty smile appears on his lips at the memory.

“That was funny, admit it.”

“We were on vacation with my parents! Do you understand how awkward the conversation we had, after the swimming pool, was? They were so concerned about the fact that I’d brought home a boy with blue armpit hair!” You exclaim with wide eyes and Draco bursts into laughter again. “You’re such an arsehole.” You grumble out with a pout and he pecks you with a smile.

“You love me though.”

“I do… I really do.” You respond genuinely as you stare at him in admiration. Even on his worst days, when exhaustion wears his face like a mask and words fall short from his lips, he’s still the love of your life and nothing can change that. “I’m really proud of you, for making a decision like that.”

“Thank you.” He sighs and you can tell how much this has been bothering him over the past few days, if not weeks, by the way his shoulders finally relax. “I just don’t think they’re doing what they’re meant to. I don’t feel any better.”

“Mhmm.” You nod at him to continue as you take his hand in your own.

“I don’t feel worse either though, I feel the same. It’s been a year and I feel the absolute bloody same.”

“What are you going to do instead?”

“Whatever else the healer recommends.” He shrugs, “If she’s got nothing else that will work then I don’t know.”

“Well… I’m here for you, always.”

“I know.”

And it’s true, he does know, sure as he knows that he’s a Slytherin. There aren’t many things and people that Draco relies on, the fear of them letting him down always a barrier, but you he puts his absolute faith in. Because when words fall short to describe the amount of love that he has for you, and the amount of love that you have for him, there will always be actions and you two will always have each other.

You take your hands and cup his face in them before peppering kisses all over his face. He giggles under your touch, an effect that you’ve always had on him and he hates, but you make no move to stop until every corner has been graced with feel of your lips. It’s every word that you could possibly say to him, every sentence that could hold the weight of your adoration, because sometimes, words just fall short.

“Y/N-“ He begins when you finally pull away, wanting to tell you that he loves you, but you cut him off with a dopey smile.

“I know.”

The two of you lie down against the cold, hard gravel- fingers intertwined as you both shut your eyes and bask in the soft rays of sunlight. It’s almost perfect.

Until.

“Mr Malfoy, Ms L/N.” A voice drawls.

“Shit.” You mumble when you remember that it’s Wednesday- Astronomy.

<~>

Did I impulsively write this after declaring I’m going on a week’s hiatus to move? Yes. Did I put off packing for this? Yes. Do I have any regrets? Nope.

anyway,

love you all,

jean <3

[iturmom]

my life is a creepypasta

i think? idrk. this some scp shit i don’t even. okay so.

someone may remember, back in august i received the first two packages of my belongings from my mother’s house. i asked in the tags of the post i made about it to guess how many spiders were in the package. i was confident there would be some, probably dead, bc most of the items i asked for were stored in the garage and i saw with my own eyes how much the spiders liked my boxes so i figured there would be something. but no, that time the only items i received were stored upstairs so no spiders. 

well i received two more packages this week, and most of that stuff was kept upstairs too so i wasn’t expecting any spiders and i did not see any.

but there was something strange. in the first of the most recent two boxes, the one with all my socks and random other clothing items, there was a cheap necklace set with earrings. it came in a tattered black box with no lid. it was noteworthy bc i did not ask for anything like that, nor had i ever seen the jewelry before. so i examined it a little closer. i pulled the foam with the jewelry attached to it out of the box and found a strange object. the only thing that i could think to compare it to was a mouse turd. but it was noticeably not a mouse turd. it was about the same shape and size but smooth and somewhat shiny and a warm brown color. my first thought was wtf is this bitch smuggling into these packages is this anthrax is she still trying to kill me even tho i’m now thousands of miles away? these are my immediate reactions. then i figured it must have been some sort of strange bead or a mouse turd or something. 

i replaced the foam back into the box with the strange brown bead (?) still inside and sat it on my dresser. i wrote off the necklace as a weird way for her to try to compensate for trying to kill me by giving me a gift. idfc i was just going to see if anyone else in the house wanted it. now i don’t really know what to do.

so i’ve been exhausted all day today. woke up at 1p and i barely left my bed until 6. i left my room and ate with june when i got up at like 2 but was so exhausted i went back to bed. and i kept hearing this scratching sound. at first i thought it was like a squirrel or something scratching around in the grass under my window bc the window was open. then i realized it was definitely inside my room so i thought it was a mouse. i looked in the general area where the sound was coming from and decided i was not going to find whatever it was and laid back down. 

so i got up at 6, went and did shit, and then came back to my room after watching the sunset to take my meds. and i heard it. and i decided i was awake enough to investigate further. i realized the sound was definitely coming from on top of my dresser. i leaned in. it sounded like it was coming from under the painting that an old friend gave me (another item i received in a package from my mother, but one of the first two). i looked under it and realized that it was hanging off the edge so a large bug could have gotten up under there, or even a lizard bc they come inside sometimes. i was kind of wary of what it could be so i gently and slowly lifted the painting. nothing. i put it back. heard scratching. leaned in. that jewelry box! whatever it was was trapped in the jewelry box. 

i got some items to pry it open with. i didn’t know wtf was in there and didn’t want to touch it with my bare hands on accident. got it open. a fly. wtf. the mfer did not look good. he was certainly on his last legs. i figure it’s because, the bugs and small creatures that get in this building do not survive for long (i assume whatever’s in the shit the bug guy sprays works very well). alarms were going off in my head. the alarms say bioweapon and i’m not trying to find out where this weirdness is heading. i dump the contents of the box so i can put the mfer out of his misery (he wasn’t going to survive very long anyway) and i noticed. that little brown bead? the shit was empty. 

that thing i had no frame of reference for that looked like a mouse turd and i ultimately decided was a strange bead. was. a fucking. MAGGOT (at one point. i do not know enough about fly life stages to know what to call that stage of its life if anyone knows feel free to comment). AND THE MFER HATCHED LIKE A FUCKING SCIENCE EXPERIMENT. WTF WHY DID THAT BITCH SEND ME THAT!?!?!?!?

idk what to do with this anomaly i have received. my brain is still stuck on bioweapons and i really don’t know what to make of this occurrence. i picked up the dead fly in a tissue along with his empty casing and put it back in the box to keep as evidence in case i die. 

if there are anymore noteworthy updates to this story i will provide them (if i survive a potential update to this story) and if anyone is wondering or can provide advice, the fly looked pretty normal. the markings on its back were gray and black stripes. it was laying in (what i assume to be) its own questionable goo.

[moonlit-han]

stray kids reacting to you having bad cramps ↠ all members

genre: reaction, fluff word count: 3.5k warnings: discussion of menstrual cramps, pain, etc., swearing request: yes (anon)

a/n: hey, anon~ sorry this took me so long to write for you;;;; I decided to try a new style—it was nice to write this because I got to imagine how I’d like to be taken care of. (wow, can you tell I could use some cuddles right now?) I hope this is comforting to you! stay cozy✨

✧ masterlist in bio ✧

bang chan

bad cramps are a normal thing for you

and chan knows this all too well

but sometimes just explaining something doesn’t do it justice

your cramps are so bad that, a lot of the time, you can’t even get out of bed

bad enough that you can’t even scream

chan probably wouldn’t show his concern too much because he doesn’t want to worry you

he would be really concerned the first time you had horrible cramps around him, though

he’d slept over after a movie night and woke up to you curled around a pillow, whimpering

the first thought he’d had was that you were having a nightmare

and so he just gently rubbed your back a little to calm you

but you’d kept whimpering and occasionally curled more closely around the pillow

aaaand you’d finally managed to explain that you were having cramps

and couldn’t exactly move…

chan had quickly drawn a bath for you

(and added a rubber ducky just because he could aljhadfjlkshfjkh)

you’d kinda squeaked when he picked you up, not expecting to be lifted bodily out of your blankets

chan would just kiss the top of your head as he carries you to the bathroom and then gently help you out of your pajamas

the bath would be extremely hot but that was perfect (♡‿♡)

hhhhhh and he’d even add rose bath soap to the water since it was your favorite

(you’d end up with a tiara of bubbles on your head heheheh)

chan would wash your hair and rub your back, massaging your sore muscles

even though the pain is only in your low back and abdomen, you still manage to hold tension in the rest of your body

and then he’d join you in the shower to help you rinse off

he’d hold you because the pain is just so bad and you can barely stand

and if you needed more than just a massage, he’d be happy to oblige

sometimes the release of pleasure helps ease the pain, too

chan just wants you to feel good and to be relaxed

after helping you dry off, chan would bundle you into warm clothes

it was always important, you’d said before, to stay warm

he’d even brush and braid your hair (if you have long hair, that is)

the little tingles that shoot through your scalp when he plays with your hair feel amazing

chan would kiss your cheek and your neck as he works his fingers through your hair

he insisted that you needed to stay hydrated, sometimes having to cajole you into drinking water because you could barely move

he’d want you to be as comfortable as possible

he’d make a blanket nest for you

he’d even put a heating pad or hot water bottle in there for you

pain meds and water would be close at hand

and whatever food you were craving

and he’d be extra affectionate

so many hugs and cuddles

just hugs all day long

maybe it’s just because you’re in pain

but chan’s hugs when you’re having horrible cramps are somehow different from his usual ones??

like he just envelopes you even more than usual and doesn’t let go

you’d just burrow into his arms even further

he’d give you one of his wonderfully big and comfy sweatshirts to wear

it smells like the soap he uses and just his general chan-ness

in other words, the best smell  e v e r  ㅠ_ㅠ ( ◡‿◡ ♡)

and just having him there with you would make everything better

lee minho

he would also be really loving and caring

and totally calm, not at all surprised

he’s just so even-keeled, you know?

would probably insist that doongie, soonie, and dori sleep with you

minho: “cats are totally medicine! their purring will help!”

they’re super snuggly anyway and just hunker down next to you

and minho is just a fourth cat, honestly

he kinda just curls up with you, massaging your low back if you have cramps that ache there

or just resting a warm hand on your belly to help soothe the pain

he’d get you a fluffy blanket and some orange juice (for the vitamin c to help your muscles relax and to reduce the inflammation!)

and definitely a heating pad or a hot water bottle

if you have two hot water bottles, he’d make a sandwich out of you and the water bottles

(so he could eat you up later ;) )

minho would insist that you take naps, holding you to his chest so you’d fall asleep more easily

he’d also queue up episodes of a show or several movies for the two of you to watch if you were home for the day

if you were at work and had super bad cramps, minho would bring you whatever food or pain meds or anything you’d need

he’s the kind of person who would just drop everything to take care of you, you know? (((we know, lee know alfkjafkjshjhk i’m so sorry i had to)))

he’s just a little ball of love and would want you to feel better

he’d kinda rock you back and forth in his arms if you have a particularly bad spasm of pain

like chan, minho would also get you into the shower to help you feel better

he’d have to convince you to even get out of bed, tho...

“come on, y/n. you’ll feel better if you take a shower. i promise”

“hhhhhhh i don’t wanna get up”

“y/n…..”

“mmph”

*minho grabbing your hands and tugging* “sweetheart, please.” *tug* "UGH why do you have to act like dead weight now of all times. geez, y/n.”

“...........”

*tugging intensifies* “get! up! i’ll drag you into the shower, you dork. you know i will”

“fiiiiiiiiiine”

he’d still have to pretty much drag you to the bathroom

AJDFHKGDJFGK

minho gently stripping you out of your clothes would kinda be like trying to dress a baby, since you wouldn’t want to move

he’d just hold you in there, rubbing soap over your body and shampoo through your hair

the hot water and minho holding you, honestly, works as well as any pain med

thank goodness ｡ﾟ(ﾟ∩´﹏`∩ﾟ)ﾟ｡

and at any time whatsoever, minho’s gentle smile would just make your day so much better

and you know he’d pepper you with kisses all over

(i mean all over)

bc it just always make you feel the most contented ever hhhhhh

and you deserve to not be thinking about pain

bc pain fucking sucks;;;;

and he’d just tell you how much he loves you so much you don’t even know how to respond

and it kinda makes you wanna cry

but from happiness

alkfjhskjhsklhjs

VERY SOFT

seo changbin

changbin would be pretty calm and would know exactly what to do

just matter-of-fact about taking care of you

you’d told him you get really bad cramps before

but the first time you had really bad cramps around him, he was a little freaked out

he hadn’t realized that period cramps could be that bad

you’d come home and pretty much collapsed on the couch

he’d thought you were just tired

but when you let out a strangled scream, changbin was;;;; um;;; a bit worried

okay not just worried

c o n c e r n e d (⊙ __ ⊙);;;;

maybe even a little scared??

he didn’t want to let on that he was worried about you

hearing you kinda just whimpering and crying out in pain tore at his heart

changbin would give you all the stuffed animals you have

(gyu would also make an appearance)

just pile them up around you “for emotional support”

and then he’d wrap his arms and legs around you to cuddle you close

definitely your basic case of:

“binnie please let go”

“no”

“binnie i can’t breathe…”

“oh,,,” *loosens hold slightly*

akjfhgaljkhajkhg

he’s literally just a cuddle bug hhhhhhhh

and I MEAN

THE BIGGEST CUDDLE BUG EVER

OH MY GODS

he’d rub your belly or your back, depending on where it hurt

and just want to make everything better

changbin would be the one to give you a full body massage if your cramps are bad

he’d insist on doing it, actually

even if you’re whiny and complain, he knows that once you’re relaxed you’ll feel a million times better

he’d concentrate on your low back, pressing his wonderfully warm hands into your muscles

and slowly but surely you’d feel the pain and tension release

hhhhhh he’s probably really good at giving massages ｡･ﾟ(ﾟ⊃ω⊂ﾟ)ﾟ･｡

ALSO!!! can you just imagine how warm binnie would be cuddling?

HHHHHHHH

you wouldn’t even need a heating pad

he’s all the warmth and comfort you’ll ever need

aldfjkahjlskhsl (♡‿♡)

and his muscles would be the comfiest

they’re all so big but would be so squishy when at rest

hhhhhh just imagine it

laying your head on his chest with his arms around you

the softest oh my god

changbin is so kind and gentle that he’d just want to make sure you’re okay and be really soft

HHHHHHHHHHH

once you were feeling a bit better, he’d probably tickle you a little

just so you’d release your tension

what a cute goofball

UGH HE’S JUST SO SOFT

he’d sing you to sleep while threading his fingers through your hair

and his low raspy voice would be so calming and lovely

binnie’s go-to medicine is just literally just all the cuddles ever ((well, and pain meds, etc., of course, bc cramps are horrible and evil))

hwang hyunjin

this boy would be just a little panicky

ya know, jUst A litTtLE

you’d suddenly doubled over while you were out shopping

for matching couple sweaters

(you know, the horrible kind that could only be worn ironically or by people so pretentious that they don’t know the meaning of irony)

and hyunjin is all 

“OH MY GOD Y/N  (＠_＠) (」ﾟﾛﾟ)｣

BABE

ARE YOU OKAY

HHHHHH

WHAT DO YOU NEED

WHAT CAN I DO;;;;;;;;;”

he’d kinda flutter around you like a moth

all worried eyes and nervous energy

he really wouldn’t know what to do

bc FUCK???!!

CRAMPS??!!!! ┗(｀ﾟДﾟ´)┛ﾟ

not his forte

“i just need to go home, jinnie. i’ll be fine”

((yeah... lie thru your teeth y/n;;;; ))

he’s still panicky as fuck

when you get home you kinda just collapse on the bed

hyunjin’s all “OOOOH CUDDLE TIME YES”

which was okay for like 2 mins until  a g o n y

“jinnie, i need pain meds. NOW” (x﹏x);;;;;

hyunjin would bound off the bed all “I got this, babe!

and then realize that he had no idea where you kept the pain meds strong enough to deal with menstrual cramps

“uuuuh where are they . . .” (⌒_⌒;)

*y/n flailing in the general direction of the medicine cabinet*

so once he found them, he’d get you a glass of water and help you sit up to take the meds

all better?

NOPE

you’d need a hot water bottle and blankets

oh and chocolate. lots of chocolate

hyunjin would be so damn determined to make you feel better

to do anything he could bc you seemed in so!! much!!! pain!!!!

ten minutes later you’d find yourself practically swaddled in blankets on the couch with Hyunjin curled around you like a fucking squirrel or something

just let him take care of you

he’s doing his best;;;

he’d want to make you all the food you’d ever want

but would keep getting distracted

bc all he wants to do is just kiss you a bunch

and tell you how cute you are

bc, let’s face it, y/n, you’re pretty cute aldsjfhgsjfkhalhg

even though he isn’t sure what to do at first, hyunjin is actually quite good at taking care of you

if you’re at his place, you’d definitely end up with kkami on your lap

bc why wouldn’t you want a sweet pup giving you all the love when you’re in pain?!!

hhhh so sweet

han jisung

oh jisung, my sweet precious squirrel boy

jisung would probably be a lot like hyunjin alfjahkjdfh

kinda panicky bc he doesn’t know what to do

really surprised that someone could have cramps that bad

it’s clear to him that, while he’s felt pain before, it was nothing like what you’re dealing with

how the hell do you do this every. single. month.

keeps telling you you’re badass

but,,,,, um;;;;;

Y I K E S

*queue fluttering, panicky hands*

“hhhhhh baby what can i do;;;;;”

y/n: *indistinct pain noises* “i’m fine”

“yoU’rE NOt fiNe!!!”

“ji really it’s okay. i’m used to this”

(you say as you’re curled on the couch, clutching just below your belly with a look of concentrated pain on your face)

“HHHHHHHHHHHHHH”

he’d end up bring you soup and some water

bc soup helps everything, right?

and all the pain meds he could get his hands on

there would be like 10 random bottles of every kind of pain relieving medicine tumbling out of his arms

“i didn’t know what would work;;;;;”

he’s just a sweet lad

what else was he supposed to do?

you’d manage a weak smile before another stab of pain would decide to hurtle through you like a fucking bullet train

at this point, jisung would definitely be feeling sympathetic pain

(not fun;;; )

he’d help you sit up and take the meds

then c u d d l e s

literally just all the cuddles in the world

jisung would hold you tightly, arms and legs wrapped around you, stroking your hair to get you to fall asleep

not that you’d be having any trouble with that, since you would be snuggled by

The Master of Spooning™ himself

even though he’s comforting you and helping, jisung can’t help but be glad that he gets to cuddle you for a long time

and when you felt angry at your body for giving you such horrible pain he’d hold you even tighter

then find some way to make you laugh

laughter is very important in jisung’s world (and, therefore, your world)

and you do find that it takes your mind off the pain, if only a bit

it’s almost like clockwork when you get bad cramps

same time of the month, same kind of pain

(you’ve definitely cursed every single god you can think of for this)

so he knows in the small, secret recesses of his mind, that he’ll get to cuddle the heck out of you at those times

he’d just smother you with kisses to wake you up to make sure you’d take more pain meds

okay;;; he’d smother you with kisses all day, too

and, like a cat kneading, he’d massage your belly and back to relax your muscles

you’d felt a little better after that

resting your head on his chest and hearing his heartbeat would be incredibly calming

by the end of the day, jisung would just hold you on top of him

like you’re a little otter and he doesn’t want to lose you

alkjfghakjlfhahjfgaklhga (●´ω｀●)

lee felix

felix would be amazingly casual about the whole thing and just ready to go

like;;; this boy would just immediately pick you up, kiss your forehead, and carry you to bed

need pain meds?

he’s already put them in the drawer of your bedside table as soon as you’d started your period

need a heating pad?

he’s got like five—all different shapes, sizes, whatever you need

(you’re not quite sure where or when he gets all this stuff, but you’re not complaining)

all he’d want is to just cuddle you

he’d turn those big, soulful eyes on you like you’re the best thing he’s ever seen

((which you are (≧◡≦) ))

and even if you’re curled on the bed in mildly stinky pajamas

he’d still just curl up with you and try to make everything okay

felix would just ramble on about anything and everything to try to distract you

yes, you’d probably be witness to Felix’s Interpretive Dance Time

.....whether you wanted to or not

(you secretly like it when he’s that silly alkfsjhajkfh)

and, of course, felix would make you breakfast (even if it wasn’t morning)

an absolutely delicious meal of all your favorite foods, even if they’re not normal breakfast food

((but honestly, what even is normal breakfast food??? just eat what’s yummy!))

since he’s been practicing baked goods, he’d also make you a lil cake just to cheer you up

and would try to ice it, which would come out really cute

he’d put “to my smol bean: UR CUTE ILY”

bc we all know felix is a cute dork who’d totally put something like that on a cake

hhhhhhhhhh

would probably call chan or changbin just to make sure he’s not forgetting anything for taking care of you

he wouldn’t forget anything for you, anyway, bc he’s just that committed to making you feel better

oh and you’d definitely watch like 15 children’s movies in a row (okay maybe not in a row, but still)

bc what’s better than laughing at the antics of various animated characters?!

and singing along to the songs would be really fun and take your mind off the pain

it would make you breathe properly and relax! 

yay!!!

felix would probably act out some of the scenes to his favorite movies beside the screen just so you could check his accuracy

AALKJFHGAJFH

and if all you wanted to do is sleep, felix would curl up with you on the bed or couch

and run his fingers through your hair and down your back to soothe you

and give you smol sweet kisses before falling asleep

kim seungmin

seungmin is also quite practical

when you told him that you get excruciating cramps, he immediately went and researched everything about menstrual cramps

potential causes for especially bad cramps

what to do for someone who’s having bad cramps

what not to do when someone’s having bad cramps

and he’d immediately gone out and bought what seemed like a year’s supply of pain meds, chocolate, three heating pads, and three hot water bottles, as well as extra pads and tampons

so the first time you were together and you kinda just went “aaghhh” in pain, seungmin immediately ran to his closet to get All The Things

you’d given him a quizzical look when he came back into the living room

he had a bag that looked, somehow, Official

although, most of seungmin’s things look Official~

(he’s just that organized and meticulous alkjfhsjfghsh)

so when he’d opened the bag, you had to stifle a giggle

in the bag, seungmin had put everything you’d need for when you had your period

hhhhhhhh what a sweetheart (✿´ ꒳ ` )

and if you need space, he’d just be in the other room minding his own business until you demand cuddles

he’d just absentmindedly give you head pets while the two of you watch a show or something

or he’d read to you from whatever book he’d been reading

or that you’d been reading  (▰˘◡˘▰)

would make you tea~

you’d probably end up cuddling his little puppy stuffed animal at some point

um;;;; seungmin’s potential fathering instincts would probably come out a little bc he just feels so much affection for you

and is just in CARING MODE

if you’re out together and you have cramps, you’d find yourself whisked back home for a day of rest

if you can’t go home, seungmin would just get you the proper pain meds and some water

he probably keeps meds for you in his wallet (´ω｀♡)

all seungmin wants is for you to not be in pain

bc it hurts his heart

he doesn’t exactly show it a bunch on the outside to other people

but he’s really caring

most of all with youuuu~~~

he wants to ki— kick whoever decided that cramps could be this bad

like what the fuck, man;;;;;

he’d be very encouraging as he talks to you, since he doesn’t want you to worry or anything

he’s knows you worry enough about why you get bad cramps

whenever the pain would get so bad that you want to cry and feel like you’re going to lose your mind, seungmin’s bright smile would bring you back to earth

he’d reassure you that everything’s okay

and kiss the top of your head as he holds you (*/ω＼)

yang jeongin

jeongin’s remedy to cramps is stuffed animals

all the stuffed animals

all of them

e v e r

you both have a propensity for stuffed animals, characters, random objects, etc.

you even have a stuffed strawberry that’s the size of your torso

so jeongin would just pile up all the stuffies and a bunch of pillows

and settle you in them

you’d feel like you were drowning in stuffed animals ajkfshgkjfhg

like felix, he’d probably secretly call chan just to check that he’s doing the right thing for you, too (⁄ ⁄>⁄ ▽ ⁄<⁄ ⁄)

jeongin would make you tea and bring a pot of it to your bedside table

(just herbal tea, not caffeinated bc he doesn’t want you to get dried out)

he’d bring everything you could ever want in tea:

honey, milk, lemon, sugar

the tea would be reeeeeally yummy

and the warmth would help calm your nerves that had been on high alert since the night before when the cramps had started

jeongin would curl up with you and just stroke your hair

he’d turn on a show the two of you had been watching

a comedy, of course

why would you want to watch anything else while in pain??

okay so as calm as all this seems, he’d be fucking panicked as hell inside

like how is supposed to deal with this???

welp….. might as well just pretend it’s any other day

and you just happen to need more cuddles

he finds it really cute when you are  b a b y

and when you’re having horrible cramps….

yoU ARE B A B Y!!!!!!

the cutest ever

like holy shit

jeongin would be completely floored by how cute you are

you’d just kind of nuzzle into his stomach as you curl up next to him

of course, he’d also make sure you remember to take pain meds and all

sometimes he’d be a little annoying about it but not by much~

just enough to get you to WeAR sOcKs Y/N!!

he’d totally be the one to kinda pounce on you and carry you outside to sit on the lawn

not one but two blankets would cushion you from the grass and any bugs~

he’d probably bring all the stuffed animals he’d piled on you earlier outside

“they’ll get lonely!!”

…….right

definitely not an excuse to throw the radish plushies he got you at your head…..

((you’d get him back, though, with a few well-aimed charizards or something))

but if you needed him to be serious, he would be

bc, really, he cares about you so much he feels like his heart’s gonna burst (*♡∀♡)

[poison-rat]

@the-dead-and-the-decaying asked: Anxcietmus for the ❣ asks!

Anxceitmus is my fucking JAM oh my god. My wife was a hardcore Prinxiety shipper, then I got her to ship Dukexiety (the superior ship imo), then I showed her Anxceitmus and it was just downhill from there.

Who is the little spoon?

Remus and Virgil compete to be the little spoon. They're both touch starved and love the warm embrace, but more often than not, Remus will end up the little spoon.

Who sings in the shower?

All of them sing. Virgil has his typically emo music and Remus loves to join in either while sitting in another room or he even jumps in the shower with him. He does the same with Janus. Virgil and Janus don't join Remus in the shower when he's singing, but they listen from the other rooms.

Who plays pranks on the other?

These three love to prank each other. They never put anyone in harm's way or try to hurt them, but they'll constantly try to one-up one another with their pranks.

Who is the one who listens to pop music?

When Virgil is in the car, he puts his Bluetooth on and they listen to his music that contains no pop music. They all jam to it anyways. When it's just Remus tho, he will listen to the radio and belt out the songs like he's yelling to the gods above. Janus prefers silence.

Who brings the other a random cup of joe?

Remus brings his mess of sugary coffee to Janus when he's working. Virgil doesn't drink coffee, says it makes him too jittery. He never knows how to make Janus' coffee so he doesn't really bring him any.

Who picks the cheesy movies for date night?

Virgil does actually. He likes horror and thrillers, but he really loves comedies. The dumber, the better.

Who is more likely to feed the other in public?

Janus shares his food with both his boyfriends because he's the only one who orders new things at restaurants and his boyfriends will sit there and eye his plate, saying how it looks so good and how they wish they had gotten that.

Who gives the other random little compliments?

Janus is probably the most vocal about it. Whenever he calls either of them kind or pretty, Virgil gets embarrassed and hides in his jacket. Remus cries no matter how many times Janus says it because no one calls him pretty but him. Virgil will sometimes say something kind but then do the tsundere thing and pretend he didn't say anything and it's not like he likes them or anything. Remus is always more NSFW with his compliments, but he loves to drop nicknames and comments.

Who is always stealing food from the other’s plate?

Remus is the worst about it. Virgil does it every once in a while, but not often. He doesn't want to embarrass himself and get caught.

Who is more likely to let the other borrow their car?

Janus doesn't want anyone borrowing his car because his boyfriends are messy as fuck. Virgil and Remus don't care who uses who's car. Both are a mess, both have technical issues, and both barely have any gas in them.

Who makes the list before they go grocery shopping?

Virgil's is a crumpled list in his pocket, stuff he wrote down right before he left. He winds up calling Janus and Remus to make sure he didn't forget anything. Janus makes an organized list and makes sure they don't have to add anything before they go. Remus doesn't have a list because it's smeared across his face.

Who makes sure the other takes their meds when sick?

Virgil is actually really good about taking his meds, as is Janus. Remus will forget constantly and have to be reminded often. Virgil has suggested they hide his medicine in his food and for some reason, Janus shoots the idea down, but really, he wonders if it would work.

Who watches sports and has to teach the other the rules?

They don't watch sports. They're gay.

Who pulls the other to their feet for a dance in the living room?

Remus and Janus are typically the dancers, expelling energy and swaying to a soft song. Virgil loves to just watch them move. He doesn't think he could dance well, but on the rare occasion he does get up, he dances really well, and Remus and Janus love those moments the most.

Who has to keep reminding the other to hurry or they’ll be late?

Janus makes sure both of them are up well in advance. Virgil tends to oversleep and zone out, so he'll be late just because he sat in bed an extra ten minutes. Remus just has a hard time getting up, easily falling back asleep, or being too focused on another task.

Who is the one most likely to get a tattoo with the other’s name?

Janus doesn't think name tattoos are a good idea ever. Remus gets a tattoo of their names anyway. Janus' name is hidden in the markings of a snake winding around his wrist and Virgil's name is written in a spider web on his chest. They both love it so much. Virgil wouldn't get a full name, but he would get something subtle like a J or R hidden on the inside of his arm or something, or maybe a symbol like a snake and a tentacle in the shape of a heart.

[whatareyousearchingfordean]

Happiness Continues

Part 11: The Delivery

Summary: Jensen and Y/n welcome their newest addition to this world.

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Plus Size Reader

Word Count: 7.2K+

Warnings: Language, angst, descriptions of labor and birth

Author’s Note: Baby Ackles is finally ready to make their first appearance. If you have been following this story since the beginning, you may want to grab a tissue, there just might be some tears (happy tears tho). Also, I will preface this chapter by saying I have never been pregnant nor given birth so please don’t @ me with any inaccuracies, I tried my dudes. Special thanks to my loves for the constant undeserved support and my devoted beta @emoryhemsworth​ xoxo Alex

Catch up with the series masterlist and then check out Alexandra’s Library for more by yours truly!

The winter sun had long ago dipped underneath the horizon, the night bringing a new level of quiet to the residential corner where the birthing center was located. Inside birthing suite two, the only soft light came from the LED strips that followed the length of the walls at the base and ceiling. Currently, they were tuned low and blue, the light mixing with the neutral decor in a way that made her feel like she was underwater. 

Curled on her side in the queen-sized bed, Y/n watched out the window on the opposite wall. Through the sheer curtain, the center’s garden could be visualized. It expanded a few hundred yards until the treeline of the nearby forest began. In silence, she watched the water trickle from the stone fountain in the center. It had been turned off for the season, but the rain that had fallen earlier in the evening still clung to the piece, each drop falling in a slow rhythmic pattern. 

Y/n found it more soothing than what the fountain had looked like last summer when they had first toured the place. She assumed if she was laboring in spring or summer, walking the trails in the garden would be something she found herself doing, even late in the evening as it was currently. But that was a dream she had let go of as the temperature dropped. All she had now was the counting of each drop in between contractions. 

The instinct to hold her breath took over as the next contraction washed over her, the sharp inhale of breath alerting the dozing man next to her. Y/n closed her eyes and focused on taking deep breaths, trying to ground herself to the moment. Fingers pressed into her lower back, one on either side of her spine, applying counter-pressure to the contraction. 

“Harder,” her word was weak, even in the quiet room. The pressure increased instantly, helping her to focus back on breathing through the contraction. It felt like a lifetime later when the pain began to subside before eventually tapering off. The sheets shuffled in the dark behind her before she felt an arm wrap around her abdomen. 

“Where are you at?” Jensen’s voice broke into the room as he pulled her tight against his chest. 

“I don’t know,” she admitted, her gaze back on the fountain outside. “Trying to be anywhere but here.”

“Is there anything I can do for you?” 

“Birth our child?” she tried, unable to stop the smile from creeping up on her face. If there was one thing Y/n didn’t handle well, it was being in pain. She would put back up every wall that anyone had become successful in tearing down, choosing to stew in silence. It was a defense mechanism she had perfected long ago. Never let them see you sweat. Unfortunately, that also meant that she tended to get mean, keeping it all bottled up until she exploded like a shaken can of soda. She truly wished right then that she had a catheter in her back delivering the good meds to her lower body, but she had committed long ago to do this as naturally as possible, her comfort be damned. 

“As soon as they figure out how to do that, I’ve got you, babe,” Jensen chuckled behind her, close enough for her to feel his breath on her neck. She nodded in unfortunate understanding, her hand coming to rest atop her husband’s where it lay on her belly. 

“Actually, could you top off my water bottle?” Y/n spoke back up after a moment of content silence. 

“Of course. Ice?” He questioned, already climbing from the bed to grab her bottle on the nightstand near her. 

“Please,” she confirmed.

“Be back in a flash,” Jensen pressed a quick kiss to her forehead before leaving the room to get ice from the main kitchen in the birthing center. A sigh left her mouth as she pulled herself into a semi-sitting position on the bed and grabbed her phone from where it lay charging. There was a mix of messages in her notifications, all from friends and family with varying messages of encouragement. She appreciated the gesture but to be honest, what Y/n wanted more than anything was to not have all the attention on her. It was yet another symptom of being uncomfortable. Her solace lay in the simple fact that she was not expected to answer any of the messages she received, considering she was in labor and all. Forgetting why she even grabbed the device in the first place, Y/n noted the time and tossed it back on the nightstand. 

It was officially after midnight. Well, technically it was almost twelve-thirty which meant it was Jensen’s birthday. Y/n had found it funny when he had called his mother earlier to let her know that the baby was coming, Jensen had made his stupid joke only to have his face fall when Donna had laughed a little too hard. Her husband was caught up thinking about his mother and teasing the older woman that it didn’t even cross his brain what Y/n going to labor meant for him. Now, as she found herself nearly seven centimeters dilated as the clock turned into the new day, it seemed their baby would share its birthday with their father. 

Jensen came back then, breaking her out of her thoughts but unable to knock the warm smile from her face. He walked around to her side and perched on the edge of the bed, one leg tucked under him as he faced her. Y/n took a drink of the cool liquid, relishing in the calm it brought her. 

“What is that smile about?” He had an equally bright smile of his own, unable to contain it as he watched his wife. 

“Nothing just… happy birthday,” the pregnant woman shrugged in her seat, her eyes casting down to wear her hands now cradled her bump. 

“Yeah, it is,” he agreed, his heart feeling so whole when he thought about it that it felt as though it might burst from his ribcage. There was so much love for the woman in front of him, he didn’t know what to do with it. It scared him sometimes. It didn’t matter what was happening at the moment, but he could look at her and he would forget for a second that the world existed outside them and all he knew was that she made everything okay. His heart would skip a beat so fast he barely noticed and the urge to cry became overwhelming. Only this time, he refused to fight it, allowing a few tears to well up in his eyes. 

“What’s this about?” Y/n sat up, concern now etched into her features as she brought herself close enough to her husband that she could wipe away the single tear that had escaped down his cheek with her thumb. She had caught sight of it, of course, even in the low light of the room. In the few silent seconds that he sat there smiling, she felt warm under his stoic gaze, unsure of what was going on in that head of his. Jensen shook his head, his smile still not faltering. 

“I love you,” he said simply. 

“I love you, too,” Y/n agreed, her concern melting away and taking with it the crease in her brow. Her husband cradled her face in his hands, pulling her face up to press his lips to hers. He poured every emotion that was currently making him dizzy into that kiss, afraid that if he didn’t, she would never know. But she did know, and though Y/n didn’t need more than those three words, she couldn’t deny him the release he so evidently needed. The desperation seeped from his every pore as his lips brushed against hers, unwilling to part until the need for air overtook everything else. 

A gentle knock on the door snapped his brain back down to Earth. Jensen released his hold on her face, watching as it took her a second longer to open her eyes once they parted. He cleared his throat before calling out.

“Come in.”

Their midwife, Melek, snuck into the room, not making a sound as she closed the door behind her. She turned the lights up just a touch, giving the couple a warning beforehand. 

“Hey, I’m just back to check your progress,” she snatched a pair of gloves from their place in one of the drawers and came to the side of the bed Jensen was still perched on. He moved out of her way as Y/n scooted down the bed slightly. Melek asked Y/n how she was feeling as she went about her work. The midwife listened and nodded along to everything she explained. 

“Well, we are getting very close. Based on how you’ve progressed so far, this baby could be here in the next couple of hours. You are going to start feeling the urge to push soon, might feel like you have to poop, don’t ignore that or any other changes you notice.” Melek stood from the bed and tossed her gloves before washing her hands. She made a note on the whiteboard in the room before coming back over to the couple. 

“You are welcome to continue relaxing, whatever feels best. However, if you feel up to it, I would suggest taking a walk in the garden. I know it’s cold and late, but it will help to energize you before the big work starts.”

“Thank you. Is that safe?” Y/n was adjusting her nightgown back into place as she talked. 

“Yes, if you choose to take a walk, I would go now. No longer than twenty minutes outside and I will be back in another hour,” Their midwife confirmed. The couple nodded in acknowledgment of her words, offering her more words of ‘thanks’ as she exited the suite. 

“Well, what do you think, momma?” Jensen put his hands on his hips as he looked down at her. 

“Couldn’t hurt,” Y/n shrugged. She offered him an innocent smile. “Help me put on my shoes?” 

“Deal.”

****

A low groan emanated from her chest as she battled through her current contraction. Her hands were locked around Jensen’s neck as she rested her head on his shoulder. The actor was rocking her back and forth, once again applying counterpressure to her lower back.

“Oh god, I feel nauseous,” Y/n breathed out as the contraction subsided. She let up on the weight she had been putting on her husband.

“That’s normal though, right?”

“Yeah, I was just venting,” she let the air out of her lungs rush past her lips. “I don’t expect you to do anything about it.” Her words were clipped as they tumbled from her mouth before she could stop them. The laboring woman cringed as she felt her husband stiffen underneath her. The soda had popped. Her movements were hesitant as she raised her head to look at him, regret written across her face. 

“I’m so sorry.” 

“It’s okay, you are allowed to do whatever you want to me today.” The smile that graced his lips was tight, but she suspected it was more from the exhaustion than anything. She could see the heaviness in his eyes. 

“No, it’s not. Come on, yell at me. Tell me you don’t need that shit because you were just trying to be helpful,” she pleaded with him, the guilt heavy in her chest. 

“You want me to pick a fight with you while you are in labor?” Amusement was heavy in his words. 

“Yeah, please? I deserve it. You are being far too nice to me.”

“It’s not happening. Sorry, babe.” Y/n growled in frustration, causing her husband to throw his head back and laugh. 

The sound of yet another knock had her releasing her grip on her husband as she called the midwife in. It was time for the hourly check of her labor progression, a task that Y/n had grown a distinct distaste for. As the hours came and went and it felt like nothing was happening, it all just felt pointless. At this point, she was begging this kid to come out. 

Melek made quick work of the check, a smile on her face after when she pulled off her gloves. “Seems as though it’s time, momma. You are fully dilated. How are you feeling?” 

“Uh,” Y/n shared a look with her husband as their midwife headed over to the tub on the opposite side of the room and started the water. She gave a quick synopsis of what had happened in the last hour before asking, “Are we pushing now?” 

“We can start. Sounds like you’ve already had some urges to. Right now it’s about listening to your body and what it’s telling you. I’m going to grab the nurse while you get in the water.” Melek left the water running and the couple dumbstruck. 

“Okay, I guess this is happening,” Y/n scoffed, allowing her husband to help her from the bed. He stripped down to his boxer briefs while she slipped off the gown she was wearing, leaving her as naked as the day she was born. Jensen helped her into the tub and down to sit between his legs. As the water reached its max level, he stopped the tap and urged her to sit back against his chest. 

True to her word, Melek was back in no time with a nurse and everything else they would need. They flourished around the room, getting ready as yet another contraction hit. Y/n’s grip on her husband tightened, her mind focused on one thing now. Jensen was whispering in her ear, helping to guide her breaths. Y/n gave in to the urge to push, more than ready now to have this over with. The pattern was quick and repeated itself again, and then again, and again. 

The time clicked away on the clock on the far wall, each passing minute mocking the laboring woman as it turned over the hour. If she had thought she was exhausted before, it was nothing compared to how she felt now. Sweat dripped from her forehead, small tendrils of hair that had fallen from the bun on top of her head stuck to her flushed skin. She dropped her head onto her husband’s shoulder, soft pants passing her lips as she tried to relax before the next contraction hit. 

Only it didn’t take long, the pain returning before she even had time to think. The contraction had her doubling in on herself, concentrating on bearing down. Her scream originated low in her chest, the sound of it low as it echoed out in the room. Y/n knew that Melek was coaching her, but she couldn’t hear the words anymore, her body too far spent. 

“I can’t,” As the contraction dissipated, she threw her head back and hid her face in the crook of Jensen’s neck. 

“You can, Y/n. Your body was made to do this,” Melek encouraged, a hand on the poor woman’s shoulder. Y/n swatted it away as she let out another sob. 

“No, I can’t. I’m too tired,” her shoulders shook as she let it all out. Jensen turned and placed a kiss on her temple. 

“Honey, if anyone can do this it’s you,” he whispered in her ear. “I know you’re tired and that means you are ready to quit, but you can’t, not yet. Just think about holding our baby in your arms, you are so close.” 

Another sob shook through her as she indicated her disagreement with his words. She wanted to believe him, she wanted to believe him so badly it hurt but Y/n had never felt so defeated in her life. This was finally it and she couldn’t do it. 

“Look at me, Y/n.” He waited for her eyes to open and focus on him. “You can and you will. I’m right here, I’ve got you. You are gonna push this baby out and we are gonna love it so much all this will be a distant memory. Nothing else will matter but the life we created.” 

“You drive a hard bargain,” she hiccuped out with a laugh. Jensen chuckled along with her, offering another kiss to her temple. They nodded at each other, silent words being passed between them just before the next contraction hit. This time she put all her energy behind it, refusing now to be defeated. It was far from easy, but only she could do it now. 

She couldn’t be sure how many contractions later it happened, the only thing she was sure of was the instant relief that washed over her body. Her eyes snapped open as Melek pulled her gook covered baby from the warm water of the tub, holding up its long body so both her and Jensen could see. 

“It’s a boy!” Melek announced, placing the infant against Y/n’s bare chest. It all happened in a second and Y/n was holding her son in her arms. Jensen was peppering her face with kisses and muttering soft praises, his arms wrapped around her and helping the nurse wipe the baby clean. More sobs racked her body as soft cries came from the tiny body in her arms. Everything felt like too much like her whole being was vibrating on some new frequency she didn’t yet understand. It was invigorating and terrifying at the same time. 

“I told you!” Y/n turned to look at her husband, the sobs that had been shaking through her now intermixed with soft laughter.

“Yeah, you did, babe. I’ll promise to never question you again,” the smile on his face grew as soon as he realized what she was talking about. The giggles coming from his wife seemed to seep into him and soon he was laughing along with her. 

Y/n feigned a scoff, chuckles still seeping past her lips and a beautiful smile on her lips. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Ackles.” 

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” 

****

It took a while before anyone was able to pry her son from her arms and even then, she refused to give up to anyone besides Jensen. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust the nurse or midwife, she just felt that if she gave him up, the feeling in her chest would go with him. Only the soft voice of her husband was able to coax her out of the bubble she had wrapped herself into. Reluctantly, she handed the infant off to her husband who passed him on to be weighed and measured. 

The nurse was then able to help her out of the tub and into the shower, washing away the remnants of her son’s birth from her body. In that short amount of time, she ached to hold her son again. Her mind couldn’t focus on anything besides him, and it pissed her off. She didn’t feel in control of herself, consumed by the maternal instincts now flooding her neurons. 

When she emerged from the bathroom, Jensen was propped up against the headboard, his legs casually crossed at the ankle in front of him. Discarded still at the foot of the bed was his shirt he had peeled away before they had gotten into the tub, but he had slipped his Nike joggers back on his tall frame. His large hands dwarfed their son, who was only in a diaper, where Jensen held him against his chest. The couple shared a smile before she made her way over to him, climbing gingerly into the bed next to her husband and son. Y/n curled herself into his side as the nurse left them to be alone. 

“Nine pounds and seven ounces, twenty-one inches long,” Jensen smirked down at the sleeping infant. Y/n choked out a breath, her jaw dropping open in the process. 

“Jesus, I’m never gonna be the same,” she blew out a breath. The tired woman laid her head against her husband’s shoulder, her eyes never leaving her sleeping child. She could feel her husband shaking softly with laughter. Mostly, she was just as amused as him, but on the other hand, she wasn’t kidding. 

As she settled into her spot, their son began to stir, his face scrunching into a frown. Jensen moved quickly, pulling the kid away and offering him to his mother. 

“What, the first time he even indicates he might cry and you immediately hand him over to me?” Y/n leans away from her husband, a confused frown etched into her features. 

“Uh, yeah, I don’t have the goods,” the Texan flicked his eyes down at her chest before looking back at her face. He had one eyebrow raised and a smirk on his face. 

“Okay, how do you even know he’s hungry? Maybe he needs to be changed?” 

“He’s fresh out of the womb and hasn’t eaten anything, you do the math,” Jensen held him out again. Y/n rolled her eyes for effect when the truth was she couldn’t wait to get her hands on that baby again. 

“Well go get the midwife, I don’t know what I’m doing here,” Y/n tilted her head towards the door. She had one hand cradling the infant and her other was working to pull her gown away from her chest. 

“Right,” he bounded from the bed, grabbing his shirt as he went and pulling it over his head. The door barely had time to shut behind him before he was returning, Melek in tow. The midwife was more than helpful, guiding Y/n and her baby through their first feeding. It took them a few tries before it seemed like they finally got the hang of it. Melek left them again to the peace of the early morning. 

The sun had yet to breach the horizon but that didn’t stop the birds from putting on a show outside. Jensen had climbed back into bed with his family, situating himself as close as possible to his wife. It gave him the best vantage to watch the miracle they had created. He rested his hand on the baby’s head, rubbing his thumb across the infant’s hair. 

Y/n didn’t even bother averting her gaze as her husband nestled into her side. She was far too transfixed on her son. Every emotion felt magnified a thousand times since she gave birth, to the point where she felt like she might burst. It was hard to sort through them, the exhaustion of her body not helping at all. Now, as she stared down at the precious life she and Jensen had created, the only thing she felt was calm. His eyes were closed as he fed, the soft gurgles and breaths he let out the only noise in the suite. 

“He’s perfect,” she mumbled to no one in particular, she just felt it needed to be said. 

“He really is,” Jensen agreed. “I had no doubt, which is why I got you this.” Y/n tore her eyes away then as Jensen procured a long velvet case from behind him. He offered the object to Y/n who took it with her free hand. 

“What is this? It’s your birthday today, not mine,” she tried arguing.

“Just open it, you dork. Besides, you’ve already given me the best gift I could ever have,” Jensen urged her to open it. His eagerness washed off him as he smiled at her, his hand back on his son’s head. 

Being careful to not jostle the child eating in her arms, Y/n used both hands to flip open the case. Laying against a dark cushion inside was a gold bracelet with a row of seven round stones in the center. She caught the card that was placed inside when it tried to fall away, reading the small paragraph. 

‘Customised with seven beautifully crafted semi-precious stones amidst a string of shimmering beads. Each stone is traditionally associated with various characteristics that also typify those born in that particular month – The March birthstone is Aquamarine, which has a pale blue appearance and symbolizes honesty, loyalty, and happiness.’

The tears fell from her eyes as she read, threatening to turn into full-blown sobs. Y/n sniffed as her emotions continued to get the better of her, using the end of the blanket to wipe the wetness from her cheeks. Happiness. There wasn’t anything she could think of better to describe how she was feeling. It was indescribable happiness that had begun on that New Year’s Eve two years ago and continues through the life she now held in her arms. It was happiness she feared she would never get to experience, and yet, here she was. 

“Jay, this is beautiful. But how-”

“I ordered one for February too, can’t be too careful,” he answered before she could ask, earning a giggle from his wife. “You really like it?” 

“Honey, I love it. I can’t imagine a more perfect gift.”

“Here,” Jensen pushed away from the headboard and offered his hand to take the case from her. She handed it back to him, allowing him to take the delicate bracelet from its setting. He urged her to raise her arm, making quick work of clasping the piece of jewelry around her right wrist. “There, perfect.”

“Perfect,” she agreed. 

****

The midwife cleared Y/n and the baby to go home just before noon that day. They had spent less than twenty-four hours in the birthing center, but as she dressed her son to go home she couldn’t help but feel like she was going to miss it. That stupid little room now held so much meaning to her, and she hated it. The exhaustion and hormones were making her stupidly sentimental. 

As they turned into their driveway, Jensen was forced to pull their SUV into the yard since the entirety of their driveway was filled with cars. He hopped out of the driver’s seat to help Y/n from the car before grabbing the car seat with their son inside. Her husband allowed her to waddle along in front of him, a smirk on his lips when she looked over her shoulder before opening the gate to their home. 

Across the stone courtyard, she could see their family all huddled in front of the expansive window that saw into their living room. Everyone waved excitedly as the new family made their way towards the house. Y/n took in the faces of her and Jensen’s parents, along with her brothers and their families. Jensen’s siblings were too far out to make it right now, but even still Y/n was surprised to see her brothers. Donna and Alan had come down as soon as they called to let them know Y/n was in labor, staying in their guestroom for the coming week to help the new parents adjust. She expected her parents too, even though they couldn’t stay longer than the night, rooming in Jared’s guesthouse and leaving in the morning. But yeah, her brothers were a surprise. 

The family was greeted and the door, an array of excited faces welcoming them home. Someone had hung a ‘congratulations’ banner, with a matching ‘happy birthday’ one just below it. Everyone wrapped the new mother up in a tight embrace before passing her along to the next family member while the kids swarmed Jensen and the baby. It took quite some convincing from the parents to quiet down the little ones, all excited to meet their new cousin and forgetting that they needed to chill out as he was sleeping currently. 

“Alright,” Jared’s voice broke above the commotion of multiple conversations. “As the godfather and the whole reason this child even exists, I call dibs on holding him first!” He looked to his sister, his brows high on his forehead as he waited for her answer. 

“You all are going to get a turn, I don’t care who goes first. But stop saying you are the reason he exists, it’s weird… ” She waved him on before adding, “and don’t forget the sanitizer.”

Jensen lifted the car seat to the island as Jared bounced over to him. He literally was bouncing on the balls of his feet, his sister rolling her eyes as she followed behind him. The giant of a man moved delicately as he pulled the sleeping infant from the car seat. If she had thought her son looked small in her husband’s arms, it had nothing on how he looked compared to Jared. He took the newborn over to sit on the couch, all the cousin’s swarming him in no time. 

“You need anything?” Jensen put his hand on her lower back to bring her attention from their family to him. 

“A water?” She suggested as she looked over to him, knowing she would need it sooner rather than later. He nodded and turned to grab a water bottle for her. A soft ‘oh’ had her turning her head back towards her husband. Jensen stepped out of the way to show her their freezer full of Tupperware of different foods. 

“We all made a few things for the freezer. I know Donna is staying with you for a little while, but once she is gone, you’ll thank me,” Y/n’s mother appeared next to her. 

“Thanks, mom,” Once again she found herself fighting back the tears as she pulled her mother into a tight embrace. Sharon ran her hands up and down her daughter’s back as the younger woman refused to let go. Half of it was not wanting to let go, the other half was hiding her tears in the black sweater her mother wore. When she finally relented, Jensen was standing there with a tissue. He offered it to his wife who took it with a sheepish smile before he also hugged his mother-in-law. 

The group in the kitchen returned to the living room where the rest of the family was, fussing over the baby. Jensen sat down in his chair near the fireplace that was angled to where the rest of the family was on or near the couch. He grabbed his wife’s wrist and pulled down along with him, situating her into his lap. The new mother fidgeted in her seat, struggling to get comfortable. 

“Would you stop that?” Jensen’s voice was low in her ear as he squeezed her legs in a vain attempt to hold her still. 

“I-,” She shifted again with a soft sigh before turning to whisper in his ear. “I’m very sore down there, and your legs are not the most comfortable right now.” His lips formed a thin line as he nodded. Before she could say anything else, he lifted and moved them both so she was situated in between him and the side of the chair, effectively taking the pressure off of her sensitive area. 

“Better?” 

“God yes,” she huffed before snuggling into his side. The couple watched content as their family traded their son around. The looks of amazement from the kids and the near tears from the adults filled her heart more than she imagined it could have ever been before. Just when she thought it was full, it somehow found room for more love and happiness. 

“So, have you two decided on a name yet?” Sharon spoke up as he was passed to her. The older woman was gently bouncing on her feet, her husband peering over her shoulder. 

The new parents shared a look, unsure which of them should answer the question to the information they had filled out in his birth certificate just before leaving for home. Everyone had been asking since they got the news he was officially here, though the couple didn’t have an answer as they struggled to come up with something. Jensen tilted his head to her, signaling that she should answer. 

“Yes, after an agonizing two hours of staring at him and willing him to tell us what his name should be, we finally picked one,” Y/n explained, her husband chuckling next to her at the memory of her talking to him as he slept. “His name is Ezra Jay Ackles.” 

There were murmured compliments and agreements that the name more than fit the little bundle of joy they had just welcomed into their family. Sharon passed Ezra on to his other grandmother, the woman giddy as she took over baby holding duty. Ezra had woken up by now, his dark eyes searching and unsure of the commotion around him, but he had yet to fuss. 

“Did you go with Jay because he looks just like Jensen?” she questioned, not taking her eyes off the infant in her arms. 

“Ugh don’t remind me,” Y/n huffed, her face scrunched up at her mother-in-law’s words. 

“Hey, I thought you liked the way I looked,” Jensen pouted next to her, but she could see the twinkle in his eye. 

“That’s not the point. It would be just my luck that I carried him for nine months, was in labor for over eighteen hours while also needing to feed him every two hours, for him to look just like his dad. Where’s the justice in that?” Y/n frowned as her family laughed at her confession. 

“Welcome to my world,” Gen piped up. “All of them, little clones of their dad.” The Padalecki women all nodded in agreement to that sentiment, much to the annoyance of their husbands. 

“Hey, the Padalecki genes are strong, we can’t help it,” Jared protested, making Jensen throw his head back in laughter. 

“If that’s true then I guess the Ackles genes are even stronger,” the new father countered, earning a shove from his wife. 

“Alright you two, put the rulers away,” her joke got the rest of the room cackling at the boys’ expense. That satisfied the woman more than she would ever admit. 

Not long after the reveal of their baby’s name, the family began to pack things up and head out. It had been a busy and tiring twenty-four hours for the new little family, and their loved ones headed out to give them some peace. Once everyone was gone, Alan offered to go to the store and grab something to whip up for dinner, leaving just Donna with the new parents. 

“Y/n, honey, why don’t you go lay down. I know you haven’t really slept since yesterday,” Donna piped up, noting how the woman’s eyes were getting heavy. She was curled up on the couch next to her husband who was holding their son once again. Donna was picking up the mess left by the family. 

“Mmm that sounds good but he will have to feed soon, I should just stay here,” Y/n answered with a hum. She couldn’t deny, a nap sounded wonderful but everything was about Ezra and his needs now. 

“Couldn’t we just give him a bottle?” Jensen asked, earning a shake of the head from both of the women in the room. 

“No, if you guys are committed to breastfeeding, she’s got to get her milk supply in and the best way to do that is for him to feed. Also, there is nipple confusion,” Donna stated matter of fact with Y/n nodding along the whole time. 

“Nipple confusion?” Jensen looked to his wife, confusion written all over his face. The term sounded familiar to the actor, but he couldn’t for the life of him come up with a definition. 

“It means that Ezra could get confused between the bottle and the breast, and the concern is that he would prefer the bottle,” Y/n explained, her hand absentmindedly running along her son’s cheek.

Jensen nodded in understanding and shrugged, “Not if he’s my son.” 

The new mother reared back in confusion. “Why?” was the only thing Y/n could say after she and Donna looked at him with equal disgust and disappointment. Jensen grimaced under their looks before she continued. “Your mother is in the room.” 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, Mom, I don’t know why I said it,” the look of shame on his face morphed into fear as he prepared for a scolding, but that moment never came. Instead, Donna stood and walked over to where they were seated. 

“Alright, give me the kid,” the older Mrs. Ackles reached out for her grandson. Jensen gave him up without question. “Both of you need to sleep. Don’t worry, I will come and get you if he gets hungry.” 

“It’s best not to argue with her when she makes that face,” Jensen muttered under his breath, but not so quiet that his mother didn’t hear him. She raised her brow at him, an action that was remarkably similar to the one Jensen often emulated. 

“I’ll take your word for it,” Y/n agreed, allowing her husband to help her to her feet. Jensen gave his mom a quick peck on the cheek in passing as he pulled his wife along with him to their bedroom. 

Inside the curtains were still drawn from when they had left yesterday, only a small sliver of light peeking into the room from its edges. Neither of them bothered with changing, knowing it was too much work for now. Instead, Jensen just turned down the bed, allowing them to slip under the cool covers. He settled into the pillows, lifting his arm to invite her back to his side. Of course, she obliged, snuggling into his chest with one hand placed where she could feel the steady beat of his heart under her fingertips. 

Jensen wrapped his arm around her, his hand resting against her arm, rubbing soft circles against her skin. He stared up at the ceiling in the semi-dark room, watching the spinning blades of their ceiling fan make countless revolutions. His mind was racing, all the emotions of the last day starting to get to him now that he had nothing else to focus on. 

Y/n was silent as well, but he knew she hadn’t fallen asleep yet, her body still too tense to have fully succumbed to the exhaustion. If he wanted to ever get some shut-eye, he knew he had to get some things off his chest. He needed to let go. 

“You know what this reminds me of?” There was a gruff undertone to his voice, yet it still managed to be soft as he sought to not startle his wife. She hummed in response, letting him know she was listening. “Our first night together. Well, after… everything.” 

“How so?” Y/n shifted so she could have a better view of her husband who now had her full attention. 

“I couldn’t sleep then either. Too much going on in my head,” Jensen took a deep breath, his eyes still on the ceiling as he continued. “I kind of have this tendency to push all my emotions to the side to deal with them another time, even if that other time never comes, but that night, I just… I couldn’t get myself to do it. As I stared down at you, sleeping against my chest with that stupid little content smile on your face, I realized that you were worth all of it, every emotion: the fear, the anxiety, and even the guilt; they were all worth feeling for you.”

The crease in her brow deepened as her husband confessed to her what he went through that night. Jensen looked down at her then, a smile on his face and tears once again pooling in his eyes. He brought up his hand to caress her cheek before continuing. 

“I never believed in love at first sight, hell, I still don’t, because even through all of that fear and anxiety what I felt most of all was love, and that didn’t happen overnight. It happened in the weeks we had spent in the makeup trailer, in the way you trusted me with the things you wouldn’t even tell your brother, and in your sarcastic comebacks that never failed to surprise me. I spent weeks falling in love with you and didn’t even realize it.”

“The only thing I could do was watch you sleep, so irrevocably in love with you that I was scared if I pushed away those bad feelings… if I didn’t consider every possible thing that could wrong from that moment on, that I would lose the best thing in my life now, so that’s what I did, just watched you sleep and go over every possible scenario my mind could come up with of how us being together could go wrong. I know...” He had to stop again, needing a moment to take a shuddering breath. “I know that day when I told you we needed a break hurt you and made you question everything I ever said to you and sure we’re past it now, but I really need you to know that when I came to you that next morning and asked you to go on one date with me, I didn’t make that decision lightly. I had decided before you even tried to sneak out of the guesthouse that you were worth everything.”

“Why are you telling me this now?” After he was silent for a moment, she couldn’t bear it any longer. 

“Because I… I feel so much right now that I can’t shut it out. The love I feel for you and our son right now, I want to stay in that feeling forever. Even if it means facing every fear or anxiety over making sure you both are safe and happy and thriving. I just had to let you know that you two are my whole world now and I will spend the rest of my life never letting you forget it,” Jensen confessed, allowing the tears that he had been biting back now flow freely. Deep down he knew it was what he needed, that release of every emotion before he could truly relax. Just like she also knew that the time for words was over.

“Thank you for telling me that,” she nuzzled back into his side, pressing her cheek against his chest to listen to his heart again. Y/n knew it wasn’t easy for her husband to admit all of that to her. Those true moments where he exposed himself fully to her were rare. Not that she minded, Y/n didn’t need him to cut out his heart and serve it on a silver platter. Her husband was a man of action. He showed her all she needed to know in every first cup of coffee he brings her in the mornings or running her a bath when she needs time alone. Marriage is as much about the little things as it is about any grand declaration. If you asked Y/n, she would take the soft smiles and lingering touches over a grand speech any day, but this was nice too. 

Part 12: Home

Forevers: @22sarah08​ @akshi8278​ @anathewierdo​ @atc74​ @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce​​ @briagallen​ @callmekda​ @dawnie1988​ @deandreamernp​ @deanwanddamons​ @ellewritesfix05​ @emoryhemsworth​ @foxyjwls007​ @hobby27​ @janicho88​ @jensengirl83​ @katehuntington​ @lyarr24​ @malfoysqueen14​ @miss-nerd95​ @mrsjenniferwinchester​ @msmarvelouswinchester​ @polina-93​​ @sleepylunarwolf​ @stiles-stilinski-24-dylan​ @smol-and-grumpy​ @suckmyapplejacks​ @superfanficnatural​ @supraveng​ @talesmaniac89​ @thoughts-and-funnies​ @tranquility-or-chaos​​ @waywardbeanie​ @winchest09​

Happiness Continues: @afangirlreacts​ @anaelsbrunette​ @ashleyrose0117 @austin-winchester67​ @cno92​ @deanbowlegsackles​ @deangirl93​ @deans-baby-momma​ @death-unbecomes-you​ @dvnmbabe​ @fangirl199813 @spndestiellover​ @hoboal87​ @itsdesiree86​ @jbsgirl4eber11 @let-me-luve-you​ @linki-locks11​ @lunarmoon8​ @neverland14353​ @onethirstyunicorn​ @parinarain​ @rebeccathefangirl​ @rebelemilu​ @smoothdogsgirl​ @spnfamily-j2​ @squirrelnotsam​ @stoneyggirl​ @supernatural3002​ @traceyaudette​ @winchestergirl82​ @winqhster​ @zpandaqueen​

[kn96artworks]

self? talk

so i was recently introduced to Dr G on yt by my older sister and i’m currently stuck binging his videos xDDDD

they’re just really good stuffs

tho i figured some things might fly over your head if you’re not that familiar with hospital working environment

certain things do differ here d/t the system but overall yeah it’s roughly the same

the burned out interns (be strong bill my man), condescending superiors, bone bros being bone bros 

yes i can attest to the fact that bone bros does not bother themselves with medical stuffs. ‘that’s what internal medicine is for’ - one of the ortho surgeons. 

housemanship (HO) is the equivalent of residency here where i am. and yeah it’s hell. bill really speaks to me on a visceral level i actually teared up a bit after the ‘bill goes to therapy’ skit. 

i was first referred to psychiatry in my 2nd? month of HO-ship i think. by then my gastritis got so bad i can only tolerate like 1/4 of a piece of bread(yes) and a dose of MMT every morning. i got sick every several days to the point that even feeding myself felt like a massive thing to do. then one day i just literally broke down and yeah, the rest is history (which some of you may remember). got diagnosed with adjustment syndrome with anxiety symptoms, started on meds, and somehow managed to pull through. then moved on to ortho, which btw was the least stressing period ever honestly. and then to internal medicine.

i know it’s literall hell even before i started going into medical. both of my older sisters are doctors. i read through their textbooks when i was like 5 years old. i know the names of bones and major organs before i know how to make friends.

(which honestly tells certain important things about me that i just finally started to find out after 2 decades)

so, yeah. bill is me. i was bill. probably still is somewhere in there. 

i don’t think i can stop being bill the doctor even when i’m no longer one now. it’s after my binge watch spree i realised.

i didn’t want to stop. i didn’t want to quit. but i had to, because otherwise it’ll be to painful to keep on living like that. i wished i had found Dr G’s videos before i quit, then maybe i could’ve pulled through somehow. yes, i know it’s the regret talking.

the environment was hell but i genuinely did enjoyed working. enjoyed the feeling of being able to do something for others no matter how small it is.

i suffered from a year-long burnout that manifested as anxiety symptoms and panic attacks (or longer. much, much longer). and it took me that long too to finally realised that i have impostor syndrome and have been unconsciously masking myself for so long it felt like i finally broke out of the water when it dawned upon me. i’m still in it. not quite entirely out of that headspace yet.

(during the follow up immediately prior to my prolonged sick leave i even confessed that i sometimes did thought of jumping from the wards balcony on the 8th floor. and yes i did consciously avoids the balcony out of fear. i also admit to almost punching one of my attending for being an insensitive jerk. i figured my psychiatrist must’ve saw the murder in my eyes back then.)

(also hence why my stuffs from that period are decidedly fked up.)

i’m still messed up. still trying to mend the broken pieces and frayed ends. still lost with no dreams or goal. still feels like i’m a burden to my parents. still working on how to be myself again after so long. i still have my work messaging groups saved to my phone though left on mute since then. i still kept contact with my work friends though minimal because i don’t know what to say and honestly, i couldn’t bring myself to disturb them. i did think of going back from time to time, but then i’d have to start over again and i got reminded of the horrible things and i just felt so discouraged.

i am one of those ‘gifted kids’ that went down the ‘severely burned out doctor/adult’ pipeline. i am 26 years old (as of this year) when i finally found out that, yes, i am neurodivergent. i have yet to be properly assessed but i’m pretty convinced that i am ADHD/autistic. 

i first found out i was ADHD a few years ago. in which my older sister who is a psychiatrist agrees on and went on to mention that she herself is also ADHD. then we both agreed that we got it from our mom, who is also evidently ADHD, though she didn’t know that. though i wondered why i present differently compared to them (they’re both very similar. high energy, short attention span, poor working memories, the tendency to pick up a new thing and then dropping them after in quick succession, strong personalities etc)

me? i’m different. i have those but i’m not physically hyperactive. i’m mentally hyperactive. i also have oddly keen sensories. i also suffers from abyssimal self esteem. i picks up stuffs just as quick (if not faster) but i generally don’t drop them. i keep them into an imaginary drawer in my brain and grab them whenever needed. i have social anxiety but because i have impaired emotional expression no one knows that (my friends told me i don’t look nervous at all regardless of situation). i had always been different but i didn’t know why. i hyperfixates all the way to 6th dimension.

one thing i could really say now is that my impostor syndrome got worse over the 1 year period of working. i remembered telling my psychiatrist that i really just ‘wanted to work well but can’t even do that anymore’.

i miss my friends. i miss work. i miss all the nurses and everyone that helped me, that was nice to me, that was actually concerned about me. that openly asked me what’s wrong  when they saw my reddened eyes. i wonder how are they doing. i wonder if they wondered about me. i hope they’re doing well wherever they are. they deserve all the good in this world.

i’m still lost. but everyone got lost in life at least once. it’s a journey with winding roads, you’re bound to get lost. maybe it’s a needed rest. maybe it’s a subtle message for me to stop for a while, take a deep breath, and just look at the flowers growing by the roadside and the clouds floating in the sky. and i’ll find my way in time.