#I don’t usually draw animals so it’s a bit wonky

[sylica-gel]

I drew a cat :3

[medusapelagia]

A Magnet For Trouble: CH 3 He seems… an interesting guy

written for the @billybigbang2024

Read from CH 1, (…), CH 4

Read here or on AO3

True to his word, Billy wakes Jason and guides him toward the bathroom, gives him a bathrobe and a pair of sweatpants, and lets him shower alone. If Jason is a bit disappointed that Billy didn’t insist on showering together he doesn’t say it. He takes a full shower, cleans his most personal bits with blushing cheeks, and then gets back into Billy’s room, where he finds the man holding a crumpled packet of cigarettes.

“Do you mind if I smoke?”

“It’s your place.”

“Yeah, but you’re here with me.”

“I don’t mind.”

“Cool.” The silver Zippo lightens the room for a quick moment, and then the only light that remains in the room is the red cherry of Billy’s cigarette and the dim light from the corridor.

“I’m sorry if I scared you,” Billy says, dragging some smoke with nervous hands, “I’m not usually like that.”

“Like what?”

“So reckless,” he replies, “I usually take things slower. But you… god, you're like catnip for me. So clean and pure. Not a single drop of ink on your skin. You’re like the perfect canvas. And I can’t resist you.”

“Yeah. I noticed that you’re covered in tattoos.”

“I’m a tattoo artist, so it’s almost a requirement.”

“Are you?” Jason asks, sitting on the bed next to Billy, tracing with his fingers some black lines, “Did you tattoo them yourself?”

“Not all of them, but some, yeah.”

“Did it hurt?”

“It depends,” Billy replies, showing Jason the back of his hand, “The ones that are closer to the bone are more painful, but nothing unbearable.”

Jason hums, looking at the complex drawing on Billy’s skin, every square inch of his skin is adorned with skulls, animals and weapons, intricately locked together, harsh and graceful,  “They seem to tell a story.”

“They do.” Billy confirms, “Some of them are very private but this,” he points to a wonky heart, “It’s the first one I did. It’s a stick and poke. Just a needle and a pen. I was fifteen years old when I made it. Even after all these years, it’s still my favorite. While this one,” he points to a long snake coiled around his left arm, “it’s one of Heather's masterpieces. It hurt like a motherfucker because she kept going back to define the details. It took almost two months, and even more to heal perfectly, but I love it.”

“It’s beautiful.” Jason agrees, feeling the impulse to lick the dark skin just to get a taste.

“Oh fuck. Heather!” Billy exclaims, getting up, “I told her I was going to open the shop.”

“I can go home.”

“No, please. Don’t.” Billy begs him, before trying to get a grip on himself, “Unless you want to. But I’d like you to stay. There’s a little diner nearby that has the best pancakes you have ever eaten and I would love to have breakfast with you in the morning.”

“Are you going to pay for it?”

“If you want.”

“Nah. I’ll pay for breakfast, to repay you for your hospitality.”

“Fine for me. But now I really need to sleep. I have to work on a big piece tomorrow.”

“Tell me about it.”

“You like the sound of my voice, don’t you?” Jason shrugs and Billy kisses the nape of his neck, “You’re lucky I like it too. So. It’s a sleeve. We’ve  been working on it for almost three months now. It’s a marine theme. It has mermen, and a pirate skull with tentacles and-”

Jason falls asleep, lulled by Billy’s soothing voice, and he sleeps like a child for the first time since his father kicked him out of his childhood home.

***

The tattoo parlor is small but clean. The walls are painted with a vibrant red, and they’re covered in fancy black frames with pictures of tattoo designs or photos of customers' tattoos, while the air smells of antiseptic mixed with the floral essence of air freshener. Jason is sitting on one of the stools at the entrance, scrolling his phone mindlessly, while the buzzing of Billy’s tattoo gun fills the air, when Heather arrives with a huge bag of supplies that Jason helps her to get inside.

“You still here, church boy?” she asks, but when her sight goes to Jason’s neck and she sees the huge hickey Billy left there, she smirks, “Billy’s t-shirt and a shiny new hickey, I guess you had fun last night, am I wrong?”

“We… We had a nice evening. Yeah.”

Heather raises an eyebrow but doesn’t comment, “So why are you here? Are you his new loyal puppy?”

“No, I just… I had a day off and I didn’t have any plans and I was curious to see the tattoo parlor and-”

“Gonna get a tattoo, church boy? Something metal, like a zombie eating a bloody brain on your bicep,  would look really cool.”

“I don’t know…. in my line of work it’s difficult.”

“What are you? An underwear model?” She mocks him.

“Policeman.” Jason replies, scratching the back of his neck in embarrassment.

“A policeman? You? I would have never guessed.” She states, “But if I’m not wrong you can have tattoos, the important thing is that they don’t show when you are on duty. What do you think of a big black rose on your ass? I know Billy would love it.”

Jason gulps, shaking his head. He can’t imagine having a tattoo on his ass, or even worse, having someone tattooing his ass, especially Billy. Only the thought makes him shiver with  pleasure and humiliation.

“It can be really pleasant,” Heather winks, “some people go into subspace while being tattooed, did you know that? Not Billy. He’s more the kind of person who enjoys control over pain. He tattooed himself, did he told you that?”

Jason nods, Billy already told him that, but he also told him that the big piece on his arm is Heather’s doing, so he says, “You’re a tattoo artist too.”

“Yeah. Actually, the idea of a tattoo parlor was mine, but this shit is expensive, so I asked him if he wanted to be my partner and he agreed. We have tattooed each other more than once. It’s sexy, you know? If it weren’t for the fact that Billy is one hundred percent gay I would have fucked him on that chair… maybe you’ll get luckier than me.” she winks and Jason blushes so hard that he feels his skin get uncomfortably hot.

The buzzing of the tattoo gun stops and a few moments later Billy comes back to the reception area, stretching his back, “Gonna need a massage after this. It took longer than I thought, but I’m pretty satisfied.”

Heather pops her gum loudly, “Don’t count on me, but maybe church boy will give you one if you ask politely.”

“Heather. Try to be kind for once, huh?”

“Nah… good girls go to Paradise, but bad girls go everywhere.” She chuckles, getting behind the cash register as soon as Billy’s client comes out to pay for his tattoo and make  another appointment in a few weeks to fix a few details and check on healing.

“Were you bored?” Billy asks, taking a bottle of orange juice from the little fridge hidden in a corner of the tattoo parlor and offering a glass of cold juice to Jason.

“No, I didn’t have any plans so…”

“Church boy was thinking about getting a tattoo.” Heather chirps in.

Billy raises an eyebrow “Really?”

“No… yeah.. I mean.. with my kind of work it is difficult to get one, but you’re really good. I was looking at the pictures on the wall, they’re great.”

Billy smiles, “Thanks but some of those are Heather’s too. I can show you my portfolio if you really are interested.”

“I… I don’t know. And I don’t want to make you lose too much time.”

“Come on, it’s just a portfolio, it won’t kill you,” Billy replies, taking an iPad and an old ring binder full of pictures and sketches. Some are horrific pictures of monsters and zombies, and others are very intricate images of flowers and animals, but those that Jason likes the most are the realistic portraits. An old woman's face on someone’s arm, a very realistic robin, a hissing leopard.

“See something you like?”

“I love the realistic ones.” Jason admits, finally lifting his eyes, pointing at a crow with its head tilted toward the audience, “I like this one especially.”

“Birds, huh? Crows are cool. They are messengers from the other world. Or so they say.”

“Huh?”

“Some popular belief says that they bring messages from the dead to the living. But they’re also very intelligent animals.” Billy says, “So, would you like a bird tattoo?”

“No… I don’t think so.”

“So what would you like?” Billy asks, gulping down the rest of his orange juice and Jason can’t avoid staring at Billy’s Adam apple bobbing up and down.

“I think I’d like something like yours.”

Billy chuckles, “You have to be more specific, baby. My entire body is covered in tattoos.”

“I… I’d like a statement tattoo. Like the one on your chest.”

“So you would like to shower in a police station with a big sign on your chest that screams ‘I’m gay’? Pretty bold for a closeted policeman”

“I’m not closeted!” Jason complains, crossing his arms, “And no, I don’t want a huge sign that states ‘I’m gay’,  but I’d like something that makes me feel special.”

Billy raises an eyebrow, “I have the feeling you know exactly what you would like but you don’t have the courage to ask.” 

Jason lowers his eyes, avoiding Billy’s stare.

“Come on. Don’t get shy now!” Heather interjects, resting her chin on her hand, “In for a penny…”

“Wings. I… I’d like to have a pair of wings. On my back.”

“Oh… wouldn’t expect that. Like bat wings or… bird’s ones?”

Jason keeps his stare glued to the floor, cursing himself for making a fool out of himself again.

“Angel’s wings. Like the Archangel Michael’s ones.”

“Angel’s wings, huh? A church boy like you deserves some wings, don’t you think, Billy?” Heather winks.

But the tattoo artist closes his ring binder so harshly that the sound makes Jason startle.

“No. I won’t let you get something so big as a first tattoo. No fucking way. It’s too big, it takes too long, and if you change your mind you’re going to hate me for the rest of your life. And angel wings? That’s not my specialty.”

“Come on! You’re great at realistic tattoos, it’s just a bigger pair of wings than the ones you’re used to tattooing.” Heather tries to insist.

“No. And that’s definitive.”

Jason nods quietly, feeling stupid just for suggesting it. What was he thinking? He never thought about a tattoo before and now he wants a fucking huge tattoo on his back? How stupid is that? It’s just a teenager’s tantrum, “Yeah. You’re right. I don’t know what I was thinking.” he says, looking at the time on his phone, “Fuck. It’s late. I have to go.”

“Jason…” Billy calls him, but Jason has already grabbed his jacket and it’s halfway through the door.

“Guess I’ll see you at the HideOut. Maybe?” The policeman says.

“Jason!” Billy calls again, but Jason has already closed the door behind himself and called for an Uber to get him home.

When the driver pulls over and he gets in the car, Jason looks one last time behind him, hoping that maybe, just maybe, Billy will try to stop him and talk to him, but the tattoo parlor’s doors do not open and the car leaves quietly, moving toward Jason’s home.

***

The two weeks of suspension have finally come to an end, and Jason is back, patrolling the streets with a new partner, Patrick, a new recruit young and eager to help the community. He has just finished the academy and he’s still full of hope and dreams. Jason likes working with him, yeah he might be more concentrated because his partner is just a kid but at least he’s not an homophobic prick. He has so many brothers and sisters Jason never knows who he's   talking about when he recalls some funny event that happened when he was still in school, and a girlfriend that occupies all his thoughts.

A couple of times they have drank something together, with the rest of the unit, but not often. Patrick is always eager to get back to his girlfriend and Jason isn’t really keen to spend time with his ex-partner who keeps saying to everyone that Jason shouldn’t be on the police force anymore, that he can’t stand the stress and he’s a weak link in the chain.

Some nights he still invites himself to Chrissy and Robin’s. His cousin is always happy to have him and they invite him to every event Robin’s gallery organizes.

That’s why he finds himself drinking a very cheap and warm bubble wine that pretends to be champagne but it is definitely not, staring at some huge photographs.

The show's title is Humanity , and it’s a collection of nudes. Beautifully sculpted bodies and old wrinkled bodies are captured on photographic paper in black-and-white shadows that lead the audience through a maze that finds beauty in all its forms. Jason is moving absentmindedly from one picture to the other when his glass almost falls to the ground. In front of him is the picture of a sculpted tattooed chest with big bold letters from clavicle to clavicle that state: Born this way .

“You like this one?” A voice behind him asks, and when he turns, Jason sees a young man with a turtleneck and a business card in his hand, “That’s one of my favorites. I begged the model for almost an entire year before he agreed to pose for me.”

“He seems… an interesting guy.”

The photographer nods, “You seem an interesting guy too. Would you like to pose for me? I’m Byers. Jonathan Byers.”

“Carver, Jason Carver. And thank you but I’m not a model.”

“Oh, none of those people are professional models. That’s exactly why I chose them.” Jonathan says, “They are friends and family.” He adds, pointing in the direction of the buffet table where Jason recognizes the little woman with a piercing stare and a painfully familiar blond mane that’s giving him the shoulders, “But I don’t want to insist. Just keep my card. In case you change your mind.” 

Jason nods, turning to search frantically for his cousin who’s having some little side conversations with some potential buyers. He gently grabs Chrissy by the elbow and drags her away, searching for a quiet place where to have a little chat.

“Everything ok, Jason?”

“Do you remember the man I met at a club?”

“The one you saw one time and then you ran away?”

“I didn’t run away! I just.. we… well it doesn’t matter. He’s here.”

Chrissy chuckles, “That’s not possible, it’s a private party. Only potential buyers and family members were invited.”

“He’s one of the models.”

Chrissy looks at him with confusion, and then she sees the big picture of the sculpted torso behind Jason’s head, “Don’t tell me! He’s the tattoo man!”

“Bingo!” Jason hisses, “And he’s here with the other models. And I have to go. Now. Before he sees me! And…”

“Jay?”

Jason freezes, he would recognize that voice everywhere.

“Jay?” Chrissy asks, confused, and Jason would love to explain to her why a man he saw a couple of times in his life made up a nickname for him, and why it feels so perfect when he calls him that, but he really doesn’t have any explanation.

“Oh. Sorry. Didn’t know you were here with someone.” Billy says, stepping back.

“Wait!” Chrissy exclaims, grabbing the man’s arm, “I think you’re misunderstanding the situation.”

“You don’t have to explain anything to me, sugar. I hope the two of you have fun.”

“He’s my cousin!” She almost yells, trying to get to the point as fast as she can, “I’m… I’m a lesbian. My partner works here at the gallery, you see? The tall blond girl that’s talking with the journalists? Her name is Robin Buckley. She’s my partner. And Jason is my cousin. Just... My cousin. Ok?”

Billy nods while Jason keeps avoiding his stare, “Well. I just came to say hi, but I guess we don’t have anything to say to each other anymore. My bad.”

“You didn’t call.” Jason finally replies.

“Neither did you.”

“But you were the one who was cruel to me. You owe me an apology.”

“I wasn’t cruel, I prevented you from making a huge mistake. You should be grateful to me.” Billy says back, lifting an eyebrow and Jason shakes his head.

“You didn’t call.” The policeman repeats, “Not a message. Nothing. I get it. It was a one-night stand for you, but don’t make me look like I’m the bad guy, because I’m not.” 

Billy sighs, tucking some blond curls behind his ear, “Listen. I didn’t mean it like that, ok? I had fun with you, and I would have loved to see you again but… but I got the feeling that you were trying to emulate me. To make me like you more, ok?”

“I’m a fucking adult, Billy, we were just talking about hypothetical tattoos, we weren’t organizing our wedding.” Jason retorts angrily.

“You’re right. I shouldn’t have reacted like that, it's just… I had a bad experience in the past, ok? And I didn’t want…”

“Hey, why don’t you two step outside to get some fresh air, huh?” Chrissy suggests, trying to keep the situation under control before it escalates.

Jason nods but Billy asks him to wait a moment. He gets back to his friends and they all turn toward Jason who stubbornly refuses to lower his eyes once more, and then Billy follows him downstairs.

The night’s air is crisp, even though it’s April.

Billy grabs a cigarette and offers one to Jason, who refuses. With calculated movements, he lights the cigarette, plays with his Zippo a few times, and then buries the lighter back in his pocket, “I’m sorry I didn’t call you,” he admits inhaling some smoke, “it was a dick move.”

Jason doesn’t answer. He’s a big boy, he wasn’t expecting something after a good fuck, but maybe not being treated like a child who was throwing a tantrum.

“We had matching tattoos.” Billy says while the white smoke lifts from his cigarette, “Joseph and I.”

“The little heart?” 

Billy nods his head, “He always wanted to be like me, you know? He thought I was strong, determined, and unbreakable. He quickly found out I was neither of those things. And then he accused me of being manipulative and of having forced him to do things he didn’t want to. Including having sex with me. He went to my father. He told him I was a deviant, that he should have been ashamed of me, and that he should have sent me to one of those centers for conversion therapy, you know? He told him I was mentally ill.” Another slow drag of smoke, “That night my father beat me so hard I lost consciousness and I woke up three days later at the hospital. He said to the nurse that a group of angry teenagers attacked me and I didn’t remember anything so I couldn’t deny it. It was Heather who told me what happened. She heard Joseph bragging about my father giving me what I deserved and how sick I was. One week later I turned eighteen, I left my father's house and moved in with Heather. She was already into tattoos and we both enrolled in a few art classes. We found a mentor who taught us how to tattoo and the rest is history.”

The silence is heavy. Billy keeps dragging more smoke from his cigarette while Jason tries to find the right words to comfort him, but the only thing that comes to mind is a very weak “I’m sorry”, that doesn’t really match his deep feelings.

“You don’t have to apologize. Things happen, right?”

Jason takes a deep breath, looking at the dark sky above them. He never shared his personal story with anyone, but this feels like the perfect moment.

“Chrissy and I… people always mistook us for twins. I was born in August and she was born in January. Our moms are sisters and we were always together when we were little. We had play dates every week, we went to the same schools, and we had the same group of friends… that’s why she was the first person I told I liked boys. I thought it was normal, I didn’t feel different, you know? She was the one who explained to me it wasn’t. You know, she’s always been so smart. She figured out her shit and mine before me and waited for me to get on the program. High school was so difficult for both of us. She had… well she had some problems and so did I. The first time I kissed a boy we were both drunk. It was during a game of Spin the Bottle.”

“Ah. The bottle game. Such a classic.” Billy sneers.

“Yeah. Only… I enjoyed it too much and I got hard in front of everyone.” Jason sighs, sitting on the pavement, “I tried to deny it. I tried to pretend it was the alcohol. But rumors were already spreading. A couple of weeks after that,  my father called me into his office, he’s a Reverend, he told me that the devil was trying to get to me. That I needed to be strong. That there were people that could have helped me. But I told him that I didn’t do anything bad, that God loves us all exactly as we are. He knows who we are deep down in our hearts and then… he didn’t get mad as I was expecting. He just… he pointed at the door and told me to get my things and never come back.”

Jason sighs before recalling how he quickly filled a duffel bag with a few things and ran to Chrissy's. A couple of weeks later they both graduated and when Chrissy’s mom told her she needed to let go of him, she refused. She told her she was gay too and then they left together, taking a greyhound and leaving their hometown behind them.

“I think Chrissy’s mom still thinks that being gay is a contagious disease.” Jason chuckles, “And that I gave it to her. She refuses to meet Robin, her girlfriend, even now they are living together.”

“Shit.” Billy says, sitting next to him, “I thought you were a closeted jock.”

“You were not wrong. I mean, at the beginning Chrissy and I even pretended to be a couple to get an apartment, you know? But more than closeted I’m fucking scared… and I know that it’s too soon and that I shouldn’t even think about it… but…”

“But what?”

“But you make me want things I never allowed myself to want.”

“Sex things?” Billy giggles.

“Also.”

They stare at each other for a long time, while the air crackles with electricity. Jason should bend just a little towards Billy. Or maybe Billy should do it. They should just kiss. Like in the movies. But they are still sitting on the concrete when the gallery show ends.

Billy is the first to get up, stomping out the cigarette with his leather booths, “I’ll call you. If it’s ok.”

“Please do.” Jason replies, looking at him still seated on the sidewalk, “Please.”

Billy bends down and kisses Jason’s forehead, “I will.” He promises before leaving. 

[blacktipreefsharkwizarding]

OOC

ugh, woke up feeling nauseous today. To get myself out of that funk I decided to doodle some wizards. Don’t judge the low quality I did this in the minutes with an INCREDIBLY dull pencil in dim lighting. I’m also only really good at drawing animals in traditional art and usually do humans digitally, so this came out kind wonky. But whatever. This was all also done from memory alone so if this is a bit inaccurate sorry about that.

Wizards included here are, from top to bottom, @good-wizard @yourlocalbreadenthusiast @f4y3w00d5 @a-mushroom-wizard and @the-shrimp-that-fried-rice

[prof-peach]

I got a question about your art!

How do you practice drawing Pokemon anatomy and figures? Everytime I try to draw a Rapidash or a Jolteon, it just looks wonky and malnourished.

Honestly, reference their counterparts, a rapidash is just a horse with some fire and a horn, so go get pictures of horses, and practice lots at drawing them. Break it down into basic shapes, circles, rectangles, whatever, trace it if you have to work out what shape each bit is to start, and just draw loads, fill a page with lots of tiny bits. Do that enough and you’re on the way to a winning strategy. Jolteon is the same, they’re bipedal fox/cat based pokemon, so reference those animals, maybe throw in a porcupine for the fur, or a really wire haired dog or something. Get creative, google is your best friend when hunting down images to help.

It’s worth mentioning, the dude who came up with Pokemon, use to catch bugs and be around a lot of animals when he was a kid, and drew from that real world thing to create Pokemon as we know it today. Everyone has to go back to the basics sometimes, so jump in and get practicing, it’s the only way to move forward. Art is hard work, but it’s rewarding when you finally feel happy about something you make, even if only for a moment!

Ps. I am a bad artist in terms of practice, I don’t usually do more than 1-2 sketches prior to any piece, unless it’s large or truly difficult. I should practice WAY more, and I know my teachers would kick my butt for how little background work I do, BUT you gotta take on what you can handle, it’s ok to go at your own pace with work, and stretch your hands/wrists/spine if you settle into long hours of art. Back pains no joke.

[irishseeeker]

                                        the story of us

summary:  Five times Kate Sheffield and Anthony Bridgeton were just friends and one time they were more.

find chapter 1 here or here

find chapter 2 here or here

find chapter 3 here or here

find chapter 4 here or here

find chapter 5 part 1  here or here

----

chapter 5 part 2: all along there was some invisible string tying you to me

Anthony Bridgerton was an idiot.

He wasn’t just an idiot. You see, usually idiots are not aware of their idiocy. They live carefree and blissfully unaware of their idiocy.

Anthony knew he was being an idiot.

It was eating him alive.

He didn’t stop it, though. He didn’t know what else to do. He kept his distance from Kate as much as he could. It was the only thing he could think to do.

It was just so difficult.

He would screw it up. He would break them. It’s what he did. He screwed things up. He had nearly screwed things up with Daphne and Simon, he had screwed things up with Siena and he would screw things up with Kate.

Kate had been a constant in his life since he was nineteen years old.

Kate was his lifeline.

Anthony knew he shouldn’t put that all on her but he didn’t have a choice. There was nothing he could control when it came to Kate Sheffield. He had been completely hers since the moment they sat down in that lecture hall and she announced that he was wrong to their entire lecture.

Then proceeded to argue with him for the next thirty minutes.

He never stood a chance.

Kate deserved everything. She didn’t need someone who had an irrational fear of dropping dead from a bee sting and couldn’t manage a healthy relationship.

It’s not like he tried.

What was the point? They weren’t Kate.

Anthony needed time.

He needed time to figure it out. He could manage it. He had to get his head straight and learn to just erase his feelings and the constant pain. He had to learn to adapt and inevitably watch her be happy with someone else.

If they got too close, they would implode. The fine line between them had grown thinner and thinner and they were in the danger zone. They had been since their kiss.

It couldn’t happen again.

The thing about Kate was she still had that magic.

Kate believed in love. Kate wanted that struck by lightning, unconditional and inconceivable type of love. She deserved that type of love.

Kate deserved to feel the way Anthony felt every time he looked at her.

Anthony wasn’t a complete pessimist, he knew love existed. He had grown up watching his parents madly in love until his dad died. His mother had barely recovered from it. Anthony still hadn’t recovered from it. Violet Bridgerton still had bad days, days where she forgot to pick up Hyacinth or Gregory from school or lay in bed all day, barely moving. How could he do that to Kate? How could he let himself go through that?

That type of love wasn’t something he could give her.

That’s why he couldn't try with Kate. If there was a chance something could happen between them, he wouldn’t take it.

He wouldn't ruin that kind of love for her.

He would always love her, he would just have to let someone else do it.

He just had to figure out how to.

His only plan so far was avoiding her.

That plan was pretty flawed so far.

Anthony didn’t want to hurt Kate. He knew he was hurting her anyway, he didn’t miss her hurt expressions or uncharacteristic silences when he made an excuse that he had to go out for a while or that he would be late coming home. He was trying to fix things before something bad happened.

It’s just incredibly difficult to avoid the one person you spend all your time with and you happen to live with.

He wasn’t necessarily avoiding her, he was just distancing himself temporarily from her while he sorted things out. which is something he liked to convince himself of to try not feel like a complete and utter asshole.

He had even booked hotel rooms to try to get some sleep. How could he sleep when Kate was a few metres away from him? How could he concentrate on anything but Kate when she was close to him?

He needed to protect them.

He needed boundaries.

He also needed Kate.

“Anthony!” Hyacinth shouted cheerfully, grinning widely at her brother as she ran towards him from the school’s front door. Anthony had been leaning against the railing of the gate, waiting for Hyacinth and Gregory to finish school.

His afternoon meetings had been cancelled so he called their nanny, Pippa and told her to take the rest of the day off. His mother had been down at Aubrey Hall for the week with builders planning some reconstruction and she was due back this evening. She hadn’t said anything yet but he suspected it had something to do with preparations for Daphne’s wedding. Anthony wanted to see his siblings and he needed a distraction from the million thoughts running through his head.

“Hi titch,” Anthony said, grinning back at her as he leaned down and picked her up, resting her on his hip. She was too old at seven to be carried around, but he didn’t really care. He needed Hyacinth to stay little for as long as possible. “How was school? Have you seen Greg?”

“It was fun,” She murmured, resting her cheek on his shoulder and letting out a small yawn. “We had to draw our favourite animal, so I obviously drew Newton.”

Anthony couldn’t stop the smirk breaking out on his face. “Obviously. Can I see?”

Hyacinth nodded slowly, wiggling out of his arms so she could open up her Jurassic Park backpack. She pulled out a piece of paper with her drawing, which had a crayon version of what Anthony guessed was Hyacinth, Gregory, Kate, Anthony and the ginger blob in the middle that was Newton.

Something inside of Anthony’s chest clenched.

“Be careful,” Hyacinth scolded, prying the paper out of Anthony’s hands. “I’m going to give it to Kate.”

Anthony bent down to Hyacinth’s eye level, smiling at her as he held open her back and put the picture back inside. “Kate will love it.”

Kate would love it. She was so incredible with Hyacinth and Gregory and they adored her. Kate kept everything they had given her over the years, it had been pinned up on Anthony’s fridge along with the drawings and pictures he’d received from them since Kate had moved in.

They also adored her demon corgi, who had taken over Anthony’s flat for weeks. The little shit climbed into his bed every single night and he knew Anthony wouldn’t kick him out. He had given up a long time ago.

He also started walking him whenever Kate couldn’t, she usually brought him in the evenings and Anthony in the morning when he went for his daily jog.

It made Kate insanely happy when he did it, so obviously Anthony was going to do it.

He had quickly snapped a sly picture when Hyacinth wasn’t looking, he had to send it to Kate. There was no harm in it. Right?

It was just a picture.

Anthony: [sent an image]

Anthony: Your demon inspired Hyacinth’s picture for animal day. She’s excited to show you this later.

Kate: omg. I want to cry that is so bloody cute. Can’t wait to pin it up on the fridge. You look like you’ve put on a few pounds though x

Kate: please do not talk about your godson like that

Anthony: Please, I’m still the best looking guy you’ll ever know.

Kate: sorry, it’s spelled p-a-t-h-e-t-i-c*

Anthony: Sorry, it’s spelled I-am-letting-you-live-in-my-flat*

Kate: My presence is a gift.

Anthony: Also-We’re not getting into this again. I have no familial relation to Newton.

Kate: He has your middle name!

Anthony: Dogs don’t have middle names!

Kate: Do you want to see his birth certificate?

Anthony: Do you mean the certificate you made yourself and framed on your wall? Unfortunately, I’ve seen it more than once. That’s enough for a lifetime.

Kate: [sent an image]

Anthony: Your middle finger is a bit wonky.

Kate: [sent an image]

Anthony: I hope your boss saw you take that.

Anthony chuckled under his breath as he looked up from his phone, spotting Gregory talking to a few of his friends across the playground before waving at Anthony, jogging towards them. He glanced back at the text chain, internally cursing at himself. Why did he always have to flirt with her? He couldn’t help it.

“Hey mate!” Anthony grinned as Gregory reached them, wearing his football kit. They were heading straight to Gregory’s football training in a nearby park, where Anthony and Hyacinth would go for a walk and wait for training to finish. Anthony ruffled his hair, taking his bag and sports bag. “Good day?”

“Hey!” Gregory said, grunting at Hyacinth before beaming up at Anthony. Anthony knew it wouldn’t last forever but he’d pay every cent he had to keep Greg looking at him like he was his hero. “Are you coming to watch me play football?”

“Of course I am,” Anthony said, nudging at Hyacinth to start walking towards the car. “I can’t wait. Are you excited? Come on, we better get going.”

“Anthony! Hello!” A blonde woman Anthony had definitely seen before was standing around a group of women, with their kids running around them and screaming. She practically pushed another woman out of the way to get to him. “How are you?”

He couldn’t for the life of him remember who she was. “Hello,” He said lamely, glancing at Gregory and Hyacinth who looked bored and were absolutely no help. “I’m great, thank you. How are you? Nice to see you again. I’m sorry, we’re just in a bit of a rush.”

It was slightly rude of him but once one of these parents cornered you, you’d be stuck there for hours. He wasn’t going to get stuck talking about a bake sale for the next half an hour.

“I’m lovely thank you-Oh! Yes, of course. You’re such a good brother. Have a good day!” The blonde woman called after Anthony as he hastily nudged Hyacinth and Gregory along. “If you need any help or are interested in the bake sale next week, I can give you my number-”

“Get in,” Anthony practically hissed urgently, waving his hand in the direction of the women but quickly flicking open his boot and car.

“One of them is Sasha’s mum,” Hyacinth grumbled, glancing back at the herd of women whose eyes had followed them towards Anthony’s car. “They think you’re good looking.”

Anthony threw their bags in the boot and opened the back door, winking at Hyacinth as she climbed into the car. “Well, they’re not wrong.”

Anthony laughed as Hyacinth and Gregory both made disgusted faces.

Gregory frowned at his passenger side. “I’m too old for a car seat.”

Anthony rolled his eyes. “The law would argue otherwise. In.”

Gregory took one look at his brother’s face and didn’t argue, grumbling as he moved into the car seat. Anthony checked their seatbelts and once everything was set, he climbed in himself and drove off to the park.

“When are you and Kate getting married?”

“What?” Anthony’s eyes snapped towards the rearview mirror, widening as he looked at Hyacinth.

Hyacinth didn’t seem phased whatsoever by her question. “When are you and Kate getting married?”

“We’re not,” Anthony said with a steady voice, glancing towards Greg who was too consumed with his Nintendo to care about the conversation. Is that what they both taught? “Why would you ask that?”

Hyacinth shrugged. “Daph and Simon are getting married.”

“That’s because they’re engaged.”

“Oh,” Hyacinth said slowly, her eyebrows furrowing slightly as she processed the conversation. “Why aren’t you and Kate engaged?”

“Kate and I are friends,” Anthony explained, feeling the dampness of his palms against the steering wheel. “We’re not like Daphne and Simon.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure,” Anthony said, a slight edge of irritation in his voice as he focused back on the road. He didn’t need to be mean, Hyacinth didn’t understand what she was talking about. “Why are you asking so many questions?”

“Well, people in love get married right?”

“Yes.”

“Daphne and Simon love each other?”

“They do.”

“Did Mum and Dad love each other?”

Anthony felt himself soften. “Very much.”

“Don’t you love Kate?”

“I do,” Anthony said hesitantly because he did in the exact way Hyacinth was asking but he didn’t really feel like getting into that. “People can love each other and not get married. It’s different for Kate and I-”

“No it’s not,” Hyacinth interrupted, a finality to the tone of her voice. It was the tone she used before she had a complete fit or meltdown. “I better be a flower girl.”

Anthony knew he was fighting a losing battle, and the irony of that statement wasn’t lost on him in relation to his current predicament. “At our non-existent wedding? Of course you can.”

Hyacinth stuck his tongue out at her and it reminded him so much of Kate, he nearly laughed out of relief and pain.

There it was again.

Kate.

Kate was constantly on his mind.

This was the problem. It was hit fault. This wasn’t the first time a family member, well, not just his family-anyone-had suggested there was something going on between him and Kate. They weren’t just friends. Kate was his best friend, she was everything but she had always been something a little bit more.

He had found her eight years ago and he didn’t know what to do.

Now, it felt like it was too late.

What the hell was he going to do?

Anthony couldn’t get Kate’s hurt look out of his head as he charged out of the house. It even momentarily distracted him from the blind fury he was feeling while he drove to the police station.

Benedict and Simon were right behind him, Benedict climbing into the front and Simon into the back. Anthony put the car in gear, speeding out of the driveway. The police station Colin was detained in wasn’t far and Anthony had already sorted out everything.

“Why did you do that?” Benedict asked, breaking the silent and tense atmosphere in the car as Anthony danced along the speeding limit, his foot pressing onto the accelerator to get to Colin.

He was relieved his brother was okay because Anthony was going to kill him himself.

“What?”

“Why didn’t you let Kate come? Over Simon?” Benedict asked, staring flatly at Anthony. “No offence Simon.”

Simon shook his head, pursing his lips. “None taken. I’m happy-well, not happy-happy to help.”

“I didn’t let Kate do anything.” Anthony said, in complete disbelief Benedict was bringing this up. There was a reason he didn’t let Kate come, he was trying to distance her from all of his shit. She didn’t need to be involved in this.

“Oh right,” Benedict said, sarcasm dripping in his tone which pissed off Anthony even further. “That makes sense. As if Kate isn’t involved in everything to do with you and our family. Kate is a part of our family. Why haven’t you done something about it?”

“She doesn’t need to be involved in this.” What the hell was Benedict doing? Why did it feel like everyone was against him? Anthony was trying, he was bloody trying and everything still went to complete shit.

Benedict didn’t buy a word of it. “Are you ever going to tell her?”

“Don’t start this shit tonight Ben,” Anthony said, his tense voice a warning, not a request. “Our brother is in jail.”

“I’m just saying-”

“I didn’t ask,” Anthony interrupted swiftly, his grip on the wheel tightening significantly. He could practically feel the vein in his forehead bulging. “Drop it.”

Anthony could see Benedict glance back at Simon, making some sort of gesture but Simon just shrugged, shaking his head.

Smart move, Hastings.

“Let’s go,” Anthony said once they arrived at the station, getting out of the car and walking into the empty police station. He paid Colin’s bail, filling out a form as he waited for an officer to bring Colin out.

Colin eventually appeared, looking worse for wear. He didn’t look in any way hurt, which made Anthony relax slightly. The blue shirt he was wearing was rumpled and the mop of brown hair on the top of his head was sticking up in various directions, but he was okay.

“Anthony-”

“Not a fucking word,” Anthony snapped, his voice deadly low as he looked at Colin who shut his mouth quickly. “Follow Ben to the car. Now.”

Benedict lightly squeezed Colin on the shoulder as Colin walked towards him, opening and closing his mouth before deciding to do what Anthony said.

Anthony had to take a few deep breaths before he walked out towards the car. He needed to keep his cool. Whatever happened, Colin was his brother and it didn’t need to result in a huge argument. As long as Colin took responsibility for his actions, it would be relatively okay.

Colin was twenty-two years old and still acting like a complete child. He traveled whenever he wasn’t at university and didn’t show any responsibility when it came to their family and his own life. Anthony was trying to not get too involved, getting Colin to even go to university had taken ten years off his life but sometimes Colin really tested his patience.

Anthony’s cool temperament lasted about twenty seconds once he got into the car.

“It wasn’t my fault.”

Anthony snorted while Benedict sighed deeply. “It never is, is it Colin?” “I was drunk,” Colin said, slumping in his seat like Gregory did when he was annoyed about something. “Marina dumped me. I met up with my mates and got drunk. It was a mistake. How was I supposed to know you’re not meant to piss on statues?”

Anthony hesitated for a moment, glancing back at his brother’s face. Colin was in pain. He had really liked Marina, the whirlwind he had met while skiing in France over Christmas. Anthony had never seen his brother fall so hard. “I’m sorry about Marina, Colin. I am. That’s not an excuse to act like a complete and utter idiot and break the law.”

“It was an accident!” Colin snapped back, his voice rising in line with Anthony's. “What do you want me to do, Ant?”

“I just bailed you out of jail,” Anthony snapped, the anger he had been holding in finally coming out. He was racing home within the speed limit, the confinement of the car making him claustrophobic. “I made sure that that stayed off your permanent record so you didn’t get thrown out of university or asked about in job interviews. Instead of acting like a spoiled little brat you could be a little more grateful and shut up.”

“I didn’t ask you to do that.”

“You’re right,” Anthony snapped, really focusing on not losing his head. “Yet I did it anyway.”

“I’m so fucking sorry I’m not perfect like you, Anthony,” Colin said, his voice full of venom as Anthony pulled up into the driveway. “That I’m not perfect like Ben, Daph, El, Franny or fuck it, Dad! I’m so sorry I don’t live up to your perfect expectations.”

“Oh shut up Colin,” Anthony snapped, his voice just as angry as Colin's. “You fucked up. I’m not interested in listening to your sob story to make yourself into a victim. Take some responsibility for once in your life.”

Anthony felt the guilt flood his body as he spoke to his brother. He knew he would be ashamed of himself later, he already was as the words sunk in. He was just so angry. Colin never took responsibility for anything and this was just another time he had gone too far and expected no consequences and Anthony to pick up the pieces.

“Fine,” Colin said, shaking his head as he flung the door open. “Here’s some responsibility for you. I’m dropping out of university.”

Then he slammed Anthony’s car door shut and all hell broke loose.

Anthony didn’t have anything left to say.

His fight with Colin, every insult and dagger he had thrown at him, circled around in his head and rang in his ears. He couldn’t find the words to speak as Kate drove them home. He wanted to say something, to put Kate at ease as she anxiously glanced at him the entire way home.

He just didn’t have anything left in him.

Colin’s words were on repeat in his head like a broken record.

“I don’t need to try to be a carbon copy of Dad to figure out my life. I’m not you, Anthony. Desperately trying to be someone he’ll never be.”

Colin was right.

Anthony sat down on the couch in his flat, his limbs heavy and deflated as the reality of his brother’s words hit him like a tonne of bricks.

He then did something that he hadn’t done since the day his father died, in his mother’s bedroom, away from his family.

He cried.

The sobs hit him like a wave and moved throughout his body, flooding out of him and everything he had been holding in for years. He cried for his dad, who he missed so much it killed him a little bit inside every single day. He cried for the man he desperately was trying to be but knew he never would. He cried for his family who had a gaping hole in it he could never fill. He cried for his family, who he tried so hard for but somehow always managed to fuck it up.

Anthony cried for everything that he had lost, everything that he was selfish enough to be angry about. Everyone he didn’t go, everything he didn’t do and everyone he didn’t meet because he had to step up.

He cried for Kate, the person who made him feel like he was worth something and that he was doing something right sometimes. He could never allow himself to let her know how he felt. He couldn’t do that to her.

Kate held him against her chest, her head resting on top of his as she moved her hand up and down his back, murmuring soothing words as he cried until nothing else could come out.

Anthony was surprised when Colin showed up at his flat the next morning. Kate had made him a cup of tea before putting Newton on his lead, throwing one final glare at Colin and a reassuring smile at Anthony before leaving their flat.

His flat.

His flat.

It was incredibly awkward, as both the Bridgerton men sat on Anthony’s couch in complete silence. Colin was tapping his foot against the ground, looking up at Anthony and back at the floor as his mouth opened and closed as he decided what to say.

“I’ve always liked Kate.”

That took Anthony by surprise. “Who wouldn’t?”

“For a second there,” Colin said, a half chuckle coming out of his mouth that was muffled by his pained expression. “I didn’t think she’d let me in.”

“As someone who has been on the wrong side of Kate many times,” Anthony said, smiling slightly as leaned back into the couch. “I wouldn’t recommend it.”

“She’s terrifying.”

“Absolutely petrifying,” Anthony said, nodding in agreement. “Don’t tell her I said that.”

“Do you hate me?”

Anthony’s head snapped up, the strange lightness of their conversation fading completely. “Of course I don’t hate you.”

“I’d hate me.”

Despite everything that had happened, Anthony was reminded of who was sitting right in front of him. Colin was so like their dad it hurt Anthony sometimes. He was fun, happy, irrational, spontaneous and he cared so passionately about the people in his life. He was also young and still trying to figure things out. He made mistakes. He had his heartbroken. He was just trying.

They were all just trying.

“I love you, Colin,” Anthony said firmly, because it was true and there wasn’t anything his brother could say to ever make Anthony think or feel otherwise. “There’s nothing that could ever happen to make me not love you. Okay? I only want what is best for you. I know how unreasonable I can be sometimes. Maybe I was wrong for thinking what was best for me is what is best for you. I just want you to be okay if something ever happened to me.”

Colin visibly gulped. “Nothing is going to happen to you, Ant. I’ll never be more sorry for what I said about Dad. I didn’t mean it. I am a horrible person for saying that to you. I’ll never forgive myself for it. I do mean this, though. You’re not Dad, Ant. You’re you. You don’t need to be Dad. You don’t need to be anyone else but you. Everyone needs you to be you. We all have gotten this far because you’re you, Ant. Not Dad. Not anyone. You.”

Anthony was absolutely speechless as he listened to Colin. Colin and him had clashed over the years but they were so alike in so many ways.

“I know I haven’t always made things easy on you. I think about him a lot. If he would be proud of me. I don’t think he would.”

“Of course he would,” Anthony said firmly, finally finding his voice. “There’s so much to be proud of. You’re a fantastic person, Colin. You annoy the shit out of me sometimes but you’re an incredible person.”

“I want you to be proud of me.” Colin’s voice was shaky as he spoke, the emotion of the situation finally coming to the surface.

“Colin,” Anthony said seriously, looking at his brother. “There’s no world where I’m not proud of you. You shouldn’t worry about what I think-”

“Anthony,” Colin said seriously, looking his brother in the eye for the first time that morning. “All I think about is what you think. You’re the voice inside of my head. Even if you sometimes annoy the shit out of me, I need you there. I know we all wouldn’t be okay if it wasn’t for you. I’m so sorry I haven’t shown you how much I appreciate that. I’m so sorry. I’ll never be more sorry for that.”

The large lump in Anthony’s throat was becoming extremely painful. “You don’t need to apologize-”

“I do and I am,” Colin said, standing up and moving towards Anthony. “I love you. You’re the type of person all of us can only hope we can be. You’re my big brother. I’m going to hug you now. It’s going to be awkward but I feel like it’s necessary.”

They wrapped their arms around each other, slapping each other’s backs and holding onto each other tightly.

They eventually pulled back, both turning their heads slightly to compose themselves and wipe their eyes with the back of their sleeves.

“That’s enough emotion for a lifetime,” Colin murmured, moving back to his original seat and letting out a sigh. “Beer?”

“Beer.”

Of all the places Anthony Bridgerton imagined himself to be at this point in his life, it wasn’t at his sisters and best friend’s engagement party.

Simon had surprised Anthony by showing up to his flat after him and Colin had sorted things out. Simon had kept a respectful distance since Anthony had found out about Daphne and him, not pushing Anthony into anything and forcing their friendship back to the place it was.

Instead, something else had happened. They were in a new place. They were starting off a clean slate. They were back to hanging out, playing golf, grabbing dinner and drinks. Anthony was his best man. He didn’t want to hold grudges anymore. He wanted his best friend back.

The past week had surprisingly been great. He had decided to put everything on hold with Kate and he had spent an unbelievable amount of time with her this week, going against every part of his initial plan. The only bad part of his week was moving Kate into her new flat. The flat felt so empty and lifeless without her.

He even missed Newton, which is something he’d keep to himself until his deathbed.

Simon joined him at the bar, smacking his back. “Good speech, mate.”

“Mm,” Anthony said, giving him a sarcastic grin as he finished off his whiskey. “I’m happy you enjoyed it.”

“It really came from the heart.”

“Let’s not get soppy,” Anthony said, nodding in thanks to the bartender as he topped up his whiskey glass. “I have just decided I can tolerate you again.”

“Please, I was your favourite person until Miss Kate Sheffield came along,” Simon teased, grinning at Anthony’s side-eye. “Not that I blame you. She’s really something.”

“Back to that speech though,” Simon said, his back to the bar as he surveyed the buzzing dance floor. “I don’t think it was us you were entirely talking about.”

Kate.

Anthony’s heart stopped in his chest. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Of course you don’t,” Simon said, downing the rest of the contents of his glass with a gleeful smirk. “If you’ll excuse me, I need to go dance with my fiance.”

Bastard.

His family really needed to learn to mind their own bloody business.

“Anthony.”

Anthony’s vision was fuzzy. He could hear a light buzzing in his ear. Kate’s words were still playing in his ears.

“Forget me. I don’t want to speak to you ever again.”

He couldn’t let this happen. He wouldn’t let this happen. He had tried so hard to protect them and it only ended with him fucking everything up so royally.

He felt like he wasn’t in control of his body, his eyes were stinging and his limbs were moving out of his own accord. He was bustling through the crowd, trying to find Kate who had disappeared into it.

“Anthony!”

Anthony barely heard his own name until someone grabbed his arm. Francesca.

“Did you know Michael was here?”

Anthony was still moving across the room, Francesca still beside him. “What?”

“Can you believe it?” Francesca said, her bottom lip sticking out as she shook her head in disbelief. More emotions were running across Francesca’s face than Anthony had ever seen in his life. “Ben invited him. John didn’t even know! Apparently he’s Ben's new protégé.”

“Fran, can you hold on a second?” Anthony said, shaking his head and running his hands through his hair, pulling at it. “I’m sorry. I-I need to find Kate. I have to find Kate.”

“Anthony,” Francesca said, her face flooding with concern as she steadied Anthony’s balance with her two hands on his arms. “What is going on? What happened?”

“Anthony.” Benedict had arrived, with Sophie beside him, an anxious look across his face.

“Piss off Ben,” Francesca snapped, her anger at her brother not fading in the slightest as she turned back to Anthony. “Anthony? What happened?”

“He’s asked to intern with me this summer! What was I meant to say Fran? I didn’t realize there was something going on between you-“

“There is nothing going on between us! I’m with John!” Francesca hissed, her anger momentarily shocking the two Bridgertons and Sophie. Francesca had always been calm, cool and collected. That wasn’t what was happening tonight. “I don’t need any relationship advice from someone who snuck around for over a year. Get off your pedestal.”

“It seems like Benedict can’t keep his nose out of anything.” Anthony spat out his brother’s name and didn’t care for Ben’s slight flinch. He needed someone else to blame.

He needed to find Kate.

“Someone had to do something!” Sophie snapped, her eyes completely on Anthony. “We’ve all watched this go on for years and it’s exhausting. Where’s Kate, Anthony?”

“What happened with Kate?” Francesca asked again, her eyes solely on Anthony.

“I was going to find her-“ Anthony said helplessly, his chest tightening which was making it hard to breathe. He had messed it up phenomenally. She was never going to forgive him. “It’s bad. We had a fight. A bad one.”

The meaning of his words seemed to translate as Sophie’s eyes widened, her mouth dropping open slightly as she hastily turned to look around the room.

“I think you’ve done enough.” Sophie snapped, Anthony, Francesca and Benedict’s eyes were wide as they watched Sophie storm away in search of Kate.

“Ant-“

“It’s fine, Ben. I’m sorry I ruined your night. I have to go,” Anthony said, “This is my mess. I’ll fix it.”

“You don’t have to fix it alone.”

“I have to fix it with Kate.” Anthony said, charging through the rest of the crowd and searching everywhere for Kate. Benedict, Colin and Francesca were on his tail, trying to convince him to come inside and sit down and talk to them. He couldn’t. He tried her phone a million times that night but she didn’t pick up. He had to fix this.

Eventually, it was confirmed by Sophie that Kate had left the gallery. She had refused to let Sophie into her flat and that was as much as Anthony was told.

Kate was gone.

Anthony woke up with an excruciating headache and aching limbs. He grumbled as he sat up, feeling a hard exterior under him. He was sleeping in his old childhood bed.

The last time he had slept in this bed was the day before he had left university. The day before he met Kate and his life changed forever. He hated saying it, but it was true. His life had completely changed the minute he met and argued with Kate Sheffield and now-

Now he could have lost her forever.

“You’re up.”

Anthony jumped slightly as he saw Benedict and Colin standing at the foot of his bed, “Were you two watching me sleep? That’s creepy.”

“We were making sure you didn’t choke on your own vomit,” Benedict said carefully, a stern expression on his face but he cowered slightly as Anthony looked at him. Benedict had certainly meddled last night. “You drank a lot after Kate left.” “I’d be impressed with how much you drank if it wasn’t because of such tragic circumstances,” Colin joked, failing to lighten the mood with a joke. “I made you some coffee.”

“Thanks.” Anthony said sourly, nodding at Colin but not appreciating the reminder of what a terrible person Anthony was. Kate had gone and he couldn’t cope, so he drank until he passed out.

Why did he open his stupid mouth and tell her about the kiss? Why didn’t he tell her he loved her back? Why did he try to explain to her why they would never work? It was the everything he had been telling himself again and again and when he had said the words out last night, they were meaningless and stupid. The only thing they had achieved was destroying them both.

What was wrong with him?

He couldn’t get the look of anguish on her face out of his head.

He had done the one thing he had sworn he would never do.

He had hurt her.

“I’m sorry about the gallery, Ben.” Anthony said, shaking his head in shame.

“I’m not,” Benedict said, shrugging as he leaned against the wall. “We sold all of my pieces. I knew what I was doing when I put that piece up there. I’m sorry, Anthony. I really am. I never wanted it to cause all this.”

“You didn’t cause any of this,” Anthony said, shaking his head and letting out a deep sigh. “I did.”

“No, he definitely caused this,” Colin said, completely ignoring Benedict’s glare. “That was a dick move. Ant and Kate were always going to come to blows and have it out but you just threw the toaster into the bathtub with that stunt.”

“Anthony got involved with my love life!” Benedict exclaimed, turning around to glare at his younger brother. “I wanted to help-”

“That’s because Ant is relatively okay at sorting out everyone else’s love life and is absolutely shocking at sorting out his own,” Colin said, shooting Anthony a cheeky grin who just glared back. “Tell us what happened.”

“I was furious about the picture.” Anthony said slowly, not wanting to relive the events of last night ever again. He would have to, everytime he told this story and when he saw Kate again. If he saw her again. She had never responded to any of his calls or messages last night and he hadn’t tried again this morning.

He didn’t want to hurt her further by harassing her.

Anthony needed to see her and speak to her.

“I was acting really unfairly. We started arguing. I said some things. Kate said some things. I said something really stupid,” Anthony said, letting out a deep breath before he continued. “Kate told me she was in love with me. I didn’t say it back. I told her I remembered that kiss I had pretended to forget on my birthday last year. She told me she never wanted to speak to me again.”

“That,” Colin was the first one to speak, “That is a lot worse than I imagined.”

“Helpful Colin,” Benedict said dryly, sitting down on the bed beside Anthony and patting his shoulder. “You messed up. Yes. Kate is hurt. She’ll forgive you. You’re Kate and Anthony. You can fix this.”

“I don’t know, Ben. I’ve never seen that look on her face before. She won’t speak to me,” Anthony said, falling back onto the bed and feeling utterly hopeless. “She’s never going to forgive me. I don’t know what to say.”

Benedict bit his lip, nodding his head. “Ant, you’ve never been able to talk to us the way you’ve been able to talk to Kate.”

“The one person you can talk to won’t talk to you.” Colin said slowly, as if he was putting something together in his head.

Anthony and Benedict both turned towards Colin and raised an eyebrow.

Colin’s face lit up, as if he had just won the lottery. He grinned widely at his two brothers, who looked at him suspiciously. “I have an idea.”

Colin’s brilliant idea was therapy.

Apparently, Colin had a heart to heart with Penelope Fetherington the morning after their argument. Penelope and Eloise were studying together for the day at their house and Eloise had left Penelope in the kitchen with Colin whilst she went off for a shower.

Eloise had not been talking to Colin after the argument, which led to his and Penelope’s strange but heartfelt conversation.

Penelope recommended Colin go to therapy.

That’s how Anthony ended up taking Colin’s therapy appointment at 10am that Saturday morning.

“Why are you here today, Anthony?”

Anthony hadn’t been to therapy since university. It wasn’t for this reason. He had been stressed, having bad panic attacks and feeling overwhelmed by everything. He was back again, for similar but different reasons.

“My brothers thought it would be good if I spoke to someone.” Anthony answered honestly, not feeling entirely comfortable to open up to a complete stranger whose office he had walked into two minutes ago.

“Do you think you need to be here?” His therapist asked, scribbling something down in her notebook.

“I suppose so. No. Yes, I do. I do think so,” Anthony said, scrambling over his words before he sat up straighter in his seat. “I do. It’s what Kate would tell me to do.”

“Who is Kate?”

“Kate is my best friend,” Anthony said instinctively, the meaning of the words hitting him a few seconds later. “Well.”

“Well?”

“It’s complicated.”

His therapist looked straight at him, giving him a friendly but stern smile. “I’m trained in complicated.”

“We’re not currently speaking,” Anthony said slowly, deciding to just let it all out. This is what therapy was for, right? He could be honest for once in my life. “It’s all my fault.”

“How long has it been?” His therapist asked, glancing at the round clock on her wall.

“About 12 hours?”

“Okay.”

“That’s really strange for us,” Anthony hastily explained, quickly feeling embarrassed about the situation and if he was appearing overdramatic. “We talk all the time. We lived together up until last week.

His therapist continued to write down a few sentences, the scraping of the pen against her paper making Anthony’s skin itch. “Tell me what happened.”

“It was a bad argument,” Anthony began, the memories of last night filling him with a heavy dread. “My brother had put a picture of us, multiple pictures of us, on display in a gallery. I panicked and I reacted badly. We both said hurtful things. The worst we’ve ever had. She told me she was in love with me. I told her I remembered our kiss I pretended to forget over a year ago. It ended with her telling me she never wanted to see me again.”

“Do you love her back?”

The question caught Anthony completely off guard. This was the most honest he had been in a very long time and his therapist was brushing over a lot of details, focusing on particular ones. “No, I do.”

“But you didn’t tell her that?”

“No.”

“Hmm,” His therapist said, nodding her head as she continued to scribble down a few sentences. “That is complicated. Could you tell me about your parents?”

Anthony’s breath caught in his throat. He couldn’t face that today. When he had gone to therapy previously, they had sometimes spoken about his parents, mainly his father. Anthony didn’t have the strength. “I don’t want to talk about my father. I need to know what to say to Kate.”

“That’s okay,” She said, nodding her head slowly. “You have every right to not answer this question and I will drop it. Why do you not want to talk about your father?”

“He died when I was eighteen.” Anthony explained, figuring it would come out sooner or later.

“That must have been difficult.”

“It was.” Anthony’s words were caught between his teeth.

“Do you have any siblings?”

“I have seven,” Anthony answered, cracking his knuckles in his lap. “I’m the eldest.”

“I can imagine that’s a lot of responsibility at the age of eighteen,” She said slowly, as if she was trying to figure something out. “Especially when suffering from such a loss.”

“It is,” Anthony said, avoiding her eyes completely as he looked around the room. He didn’t want to talk about his family. That’s not why he came. “It’s my family. I’d do anything for them.”

“Why do you think you don’t deserve love?”

Anthony gaped at her. “I don’t think that.”

“If you were willing to step up and take responsibility for your family and ensure their happiness,” She said, leaning forward in her chair. “Why can’t you do the same for yourself?”

“I don’t want to lose her,” Anthony said, his voice coming out a lot shakier and lower than it had in a long time. “She’s everything to me. Everything. I screw things up. I’ve never been good with relationships. I desperately tried to not screw things up and I did it anyway. I really tried to stop feeling like this. I even went to America to stop feeling like this and try to find someone new. It just always comes back to this and now-now it’s too late.”

“This is terribly cliche, but it’s the truth. It’s never too late and you will never know until you try. Why are you so sure you and Kate will fail? I say you and Kate as there are two of you in this. It seems like you put a lot of pressure on yourself. When it comes to your family and your relationships.” Her words were hitting Anthony forcefully, completely overwhelming him. “You should try giving yourself a chance.”

“I don’t think I can.”

“You are standing in your own way. Why is that?”

He was getting really sick of all these questions.

“Kate deserves better.”

His therapist raised her eyebrow slightly, “Isn’t that for Kate to decide?”

Anthony had no response to that.

“Anthony, we have absolutely no control over what could happen in the future. Our fears will still exist in the past, present and future. What we can try to control is now. Good and bad things happen everyday. Nothing also happens everyday. Nothing sounds quite exhausting, don’t you think?”

“Sometimes it is easier to do nothing. Sometimes, we have to take a chance on the good or bad things happening,” She told him, smiling softly at him. “Sometimes, we just need to take that chance.”

Something just clicked.

He had to take that chance.

“I have to go,” Anthony jumped up, running a hand through his hair and slightly waving the other one around. “I have to talk to Kate. If she’ll talk to me, I’ll take that chance. Right? Right. Yes. Wow. Okay. Thank you, doctor. Thank you-”

“I’ll have my assistant book you in for an appointment next week,” His therapist responded, a slight smile on her face as she stood up to open the door for him. “Good luck, Anthony.”

Colin and Benedict stood up as Anthony walked into the waiting room, curious expressions on their faces.

“I have to tell Kate I’m in love with her.”

Anthony glanced down at his phone, which began buzzing his hand. Edwina’s name flashed on his screen.

Anthony answered the call, his heart beating rapidly in his chest. Maybe it was Kate. Maybe she had lost her phone and that’s why she hadn’t been in contact with him last night. “Edwina?”

“Anthony,” Edwina’s shaky voice spoke through the phone, sending cold shivers down Anthony’s spine. “It’s Kate.”

Anthony had burst through the hospital doors, running up stairs and through doors until he found the room Kate was in after multiple directions from nurses, Colin and Benedict hot on his heels.

Edwina had reassured him that Kate was fine. Her brain scans and other injuries had come back completely clear, the worst thing that had happened was her leg had been broken.

He had to see her. He had to see her alive and breathing. He had to make sure she was okay.

“Kate.”

Anthony had never felt so nauseous and anxious in his entire life.

“Are you okay?”

Kate was there, sitting up in her hospital bed with her casted leg elevated in the air. She didn’t appear to have any other injuries, her dark hair was in a bun on the top of her head and she did have some scrapes and bruises along her arms, and a tiny scratch on her cheek.

“That's none of your business.”

That was the response he expected and it hurt just as he expected. He did deserve it.

“Kate was skating in Hyde Park when a cyclist ran into her, and she landed on her leg," Edwina explained carefully, anxiously glancing between Anthony and Kate. Benedict and Colin were behind Anthony, smiling awkwardly at everyone in the room and shooting a relieved expression at Kate. She smiled back at them, at least she wasn't icing them out.

Kate just refused to look at Anthony. “Get out.”

“We’re going to get some coffee in the canteen.” said Mary, beginning to drag an anxious looking Edwina out of the hospital room.

“Don’t you dare,” Kate snapped, raising her voice at her mother and sister. She pointed at the chairs they just vacated. “Anthony is the only one who will be leaving this hospital room.”

What did he expect? She had every right to be furious with him. It wasn't going to be easy and he would do whatever it took to fix this. To fix them. “I’ll wait in the waiting room until you want to talk.”

“I don’t want to talk.”

He nodded, making his way towards the doorway he had only come through. He knew Kate and pushing her wasn’t going to achieve anything. He had fucked up and he had to fix it in the way she wanted him to. “I’ll just be waiting then.”

And waited, he did.

He waited for two weeks until Kate was released from the hospital.

He tried everything. He had taken the time off work to be there during visiting hours, waiting for her to finally let him speak to her. He had drafted about fifty different speeches before she was released, thinking about everything he had spoken about with his therapist. He went to two more sessions during Kate’s stay and he felt something was really changing.

Except for Kate’s willingness to speak to him.

When he knocked on her door, she told him to get lost. When he brought her flowers, she threw them at him. When he brought her food, she wouldn’t touch it. She ignored his texts and calls.

She had every right to make him suffer and she was doing a superb job at it.

He spent his time on business calls or chatting with whoever was visiting Kate. Every Bridgerton but Anthony had been allowed in. He got to know her nurses and doctors, getting updates on Kate’s progress and asking them questions about her leg and the healing process.

Mary sat beside Anthony in the waiting room one afternoon, handing him a cup of coffee. “Thank you.”

“I started worrying less, you know.”

Anthony turns to look at Mary, frowning in confusion.

“Kate is a very good person. She takes care of people. She took care of Edwina and I more than she should have, especially after my husband died.” A sad expression appeared on her face. “My husband always said Kate tried to take care of him when her mother passed away. She was four years old.”

He smiled sadly, taking a small sip of his coffee. “That sounds like Kate.”

“It does, doesn’t it?” Mary nodded her head, wrapping her hands around her coffee cup. “I always wanted that for her. Someone who would take care of her and she would let them. I wasn’t so sure it would ever happen until she brought you home.”

Anthony blinked at Mary, completely taken aback. He had known Mary for eight years now and they had spent a good bit of time together, but he couldn’t remember ever speaking to her alone. Especially like this.

“I knew she finally had someone to take care of her. You’ve been so good to her.”

“I don’t know if she’ll forgive me this time Mary,” Anthony said, his voice croaky as he hung his head low. “I don’t know if I deserve to be forgiven.”

“Kate didn’t talk to her father and I for two weeks because we didn’t let her go to an Eminem concert when she was twelve years old,” Mary said, chuckling softly at the fond memory. “She will come around.”

“We all make mistakes, Anthony. I don’t know what happened between you two,” Mary said softly, reaching over to squeeze his hands. “I do know you’ll be able to fix yours.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“Kate,” Edwina said, exhaustion flooding her voice as she pushed Kate’s wheelchair to a stop in front of the exit of the hospital. “Anthony’s car is the only car big enough to bring you home! You’re meant to lie across the back seat.”

Kate was glaring at Anthony with such an intensity, he was genuinely terrified. She was absolutely furious at the prospect of Anthony driving her home. “I’d rather walk.”

“I suppose you should have thought about that before you went skating on those death traps,” Anthony said, deciding that if she wouldn’t talk to him, he might be able to at least get an insult if he winded her up. Then, she would technically have spoken to him. “Hop on in.”

Kate’s mouth dropped open as she watched Anthony open up his back door, which had been filled with blankets and pillows to help Kate get comfortable. She knew she had no choice. The two nurses helped Kate into the backseat, buckling her in as Edwina got into Anthony’s car. Mary was following them home.

Kate, furious about recent events, was sulking in the back seat.

Edwina and Sophie hadn’t been overly kind to Anthony the first week after Kate’s accident. He didn’t blame them, he deserved every single bit of slack he got for what he’d done. They had eased up on him the last week, probably out of pure pity as he desperately tried to fix things with Kate who so far wanted nothing to do with him.

They finished their awkward car ride once Anthony parked in Kate’s flat’s underground car park. Now the fun really began. He would make himself useful in any way he could to help Kate, so Edwina and Mary had asked him to drive her home once he had offered.

“Kate,” Edwina said slowly, clearly nervous about what she was about to say as she opened her sister’s door. “Mum and I aren’t strong enough to get you out of the car.”

“Whose side are you on?” Kate snapped, realizing exactly what was going on. “There’s not a chance in hell-”

“I am on your leg’s side!” Edwina snapped, everyone’s eyes widening as Edwina’s temper flared. It was a rare sight. “I am losing the will to live here, Kate. Just let Anthony carry you upstairs and you can do whatever you want. Throw anything you want at him for all I care. Just get upstairs.”

Anthony leaned into the back seat, carefully moving Kate and her leg towards the edge of the seat. They were so close, his arms wrapped around her. If he looked at her, he could count the freckles sprawled across her nose and cheek and how many eyelashes she had. He had done it a million times before.

Except he couldn’t.

Kate refused to look at him.

He got her out of the car until she could support herself on her crutches, making her way towards the lifts. Anthony, Edwina and Mary brought all of her bags upstairs to her flat. Anthony had stocked her fridge and cupboards with all her favourite things and had gotten it professionally cleaned yesterday. He also had about five bouquets of tulips in each room.

“Simon dropped in some food from his restaurant,” Edwina said, smiling softly as she began to unpack the bag. “Thank god. I’m starving. Anthony?”

“I’ll go.” Anthony said, shaking his head as he headed towards the door after dropping the last bag on the floor. The hope he had of fixing things with Kate was really starting to diminish. She really despised him.

She wouldn’t even look at him.

Kate waved a crutch in his direction. It was the first time she had spoken to only him directly in over two weeks. “Stop getting me tulips!”

Anthony turned around to look at her, shaking his head simply. “No.”

“We are going to go out for a walk,” Mary suggested loudly, tugging at Edwina who gaped at her mother in disbelief and then glanced back down at the food. The two Sheffields practically ran out of Kate’s flat, bag of food in their hand, and surprisingly weren’t stopped by Kate.

This was his chance.

“How are you?”

Kate’s hard glare hadn’t faded. “Why do you care?”

He visibly softened. “Of course I care.”

“I don’t think you do, actually,” Kate snapped, aggressively fluffing the pillows behind her back where she sat on her grey couch. “I thought you cared until I realized what you had done. I thought you cared until I stood there telling you I loved you and all you did was tell me that you had lied to me and how we would never work. I never expected you to love me back, what did I expect was some-”

“Are you on drugs?”

“Excuse me?” Kate’s voice was almost a shriek.

Anthony had to really stop himself from rolling his eyes. “I can’t say this if you’re in any way inebriated.”

“No,” Kate muttered, crossing her arms across her chest, “I still despise you, so I’m of sound mind.”

“I should have kissed you. That night. When we were at Aubrey Hall. Seven years ago. I should have kissed you in the lake. I should have kissed you at the Law Ball in college. I should have kissed you when we were in Spain. When we were in my dorm. Your dorm. In the morning. In the afternoon. In the evening. There were so many times where I should have kissed you, Kate.”

“You did kiss me,” Kate spat out, tears flooding her eyes that made Anthony’s chest clench. “You kissed me and you pretended that you didn’t remember.”

“I’m an idiot. I’m a fool. There’s no rational explanation for why I did it. I was so scared of losing you, Kate. But I lost you anyway. I’ll never be more sorry for that, Kate.” Anthony took a few tentative steps towards her, crouching down so he was at her eye level. “I’m so sorry for hurting you. Please, just listen to me. I’ll leave you alone afterwards if that’s what you want.”

“I was on my way to yours when Edwina rang me,” Anthony said, trying to remember everything he had wanted to say and had written down so many times. “I was on my way to tell you I was in love with you. I was an asshole, the night of the gallery. A complete asshole. I panicked. I saw everything on that bloody picture that I have wanted and dreamed of for years, and I panicked. I was so scared of losing what we had that I was too scared to take the chance on having something more.”

Kate stared at him with her wide brown eyes, the ones he had missed so bloody much. He had missed everything about her and now he was here and he was trying. He was desperately trying and he had no idea if it would be enough. “What are you trying to say, Anthony?”

“I’m in love with you. I’ve been in love with you since I was nineteen years old. I’ve denied it and denied it, because I’m screwed up, and I know you deserve better than me, but it's always been you Kate. It will always be you. I was terrified of screwing things up and losing you because I can’t live without you Kate. I don’t ever want to. You’re my best friend. You’re my person.”

“When I heard you were hurt and there was a chance that I could lose you-I can’t fathom life without you, Kate.” Anthony’s voice broke off as he spoke, his voice choking on air. “I can’t. I don’t want to. All I want is you, Kate. I’ll do anything to prove that to you. I’m all in. If you’ll have me.”

“Why do you get to decide?”

Anthony blinked at her through his watery eyes, hastily wiping them. He had finally said everything he wanted to say and the biggest weight had been taken off his chest. The anxiety of waiting on Kate’s response still clawed at him. “What?”

“Why do you get to decide that I deserve better than you?” Kate asked, narrowing her eyes as she looked at him.

“I don’t know,” He answered honestly, shaking his head as he leaned against the couch. “It wasn’t that I decided. It was just so obvious to me. You deserve everything, Kate. Everything. That isn’t me. All I can do is try-”

“No.”

His heart stopped in his chest, a rigid stance completely taken over. Was this it? Was Kate ending things forever? Has he lost for her good?

“You should have asked me.”

Anthony couldn’t help the sigh of relief that came out of him. “I know.”

“I’ve always been smarter than you.”

He smiled softly, nodding his head. “That’s debatable.”

“Do you always have to have an answer for everything?” She asked, completely exasperated, but there wasn’t any annoyance detected in her tone. It was almost teasing.

“I suppose,” He said slowly, his eyes never moving off hers. “Some things never changed.”

“No,” She said softly, her eyes moving around his face. “They really don’t.”

“I should have asked you too,” Kate added a few seconds later, visibly gulping as she pushed some of the loose strands of hair in front of her face behind her ears.

“I’m still so mad at you,” She murmured, blinking away a few tears that rolled down her red cheeks. “I’m so mad. I’m not going to suddenly stop being mad because you’re in love with me and I’m in love with you. We’re going to have to work at this. It isn’t going to be easy.”

“I deserve it.” He nodded in agreement, not being able to stop the small smile breaking out on his face as she said she loved him. “I know. I’ll do anything, Kate. Anything.”

She loved him.

She loved him.

Kate was in love with him.

“Hold my hand.” She murmured, extending her fingers towards him. Their fingers interlock smoothly, her soft, petite palm and his large, rougher hand against each other.

“If you had asked me,” Kate said, her voice coming out wobbly as she spoke. “I would have told you that you’re it for me. It’s always been you. From the moment I met you, it was always going to be you. I didn’t stand a chance. It’s not about deserving, Anthony. It’s about being there for someone no matter what. You’ve always been there for me. And I always want you to be.”

Their faces were extremely close now. He could smell her again, that soft scene of lilies and soap that he had missed so much. He could count the freckles on her cheek and her long, delicate eyelashes. His lips are “I’m sorry it took me so long.”

“Us,” Kate corrected him, her breathing small and shallow. “It only took us eight years.”

“This isn’t how I imagined it.”

“I’m so tired of imagining, aren’t you?”

He kisses her.

It’s better than he’s ever imagined it.

Why?

Because it’s real.

[narrators-journal]

The most dangerous game

I know I’ve been hella dead, but I return with my usual! Stano smut! I dunno why I adore writing these two so much, but I guess I’m attached, so yeah. Ya’ll get content.

CW: Predator/prey vibes, Xeno gets chased but there’s no real big acknowledgement of it.

It was likely because Xeno had developed a persistently wonky sleep schedule that he got so many night time jobs. That, he supposed, was why he was once again out at night hunting another Vampire, despite having told his boss of his run-in with a particularly pretty vampire. However, at the moment, Xeno somewhat wished he was dealing with Stan instead. At least with him he could rely on his need to flirt and toy with him to give him away. But no, the scientist wasn't hunting Stanley, but instead a completely different vampire who was proving his dislike for hunting the blood sucking monsters. Taking advantage of how dark the night was, the human's weaker vision, and whatever ninja techniques he had learned from the internet, the young vampire had hidden annoyingly well in the thick blanket of shadows and clutter on the streets. So, the white-haired college graduate was poking around at every rock and thicket of grass or bushes along the sidewalk before the boiling irritation in his veins got to be too much and he let out a mix of a groan and a scream like a tea pot. Stomping over to one of the few flickering street lights on the road, the hunter stood in the light and dug out his knife, then used it to slash at his stomach to fill the air with the alluring scent of fresh blood. With a pained hiss and the new wet feeling of blood dripping sluggishly down his pale skin, the trap was set, and all the hunter had to do was wait for the shallow cut to work its magic. Which, didn't take long. All Xeno had time to do was get one of his metal stakes from his pocket and extend it, then he was set upon by the vampiric ninja-wannabe. However, despite his skill at stealth, the vampire was young in both a human and vampire sense. Freshly turned at a young age, he'd become a problem because he had yet to grow out of his pubescent hormones quite yet, and giving him a predatory draw and increased strength had only encouraged him to turn hard into the bad boy persona. Sadly, being a new vampire wasn't all improvements. It also meant an increased hunger and little control of your newfound strength. Which is what had led the young man to be targetted by the monster hunter association, and swiftly wiped out by a stake through the throat via Xeno Wingfield. With a grunt, the monster hunter threw the freshly dead young man to the sidewalk, wincing at the burning and itching sting bending down to yank the stake from his throat brought to his stomach. For a moment or so, he felt bad for the creature. He'd been young, and he'd let his newfound powers obviously go to his head after a lifetime diet of anime and movies, the silver haired hunter could understand his over excitement, but he also had little to no patience for dumbasses who couldn't register that they weren't in Naruto. So, his sympathy was brief, and he was soon just dragging the young creature's corpse into some bushes and calling the cleaning crew to come collect him. Then. He spoke.           "God damn, Doll. You're quite attractive when you're being lethal." Stan hummed, hopping down from his hiding spot in a nearby tree and giving the hunter a charming smile that he refused to admit brought a little heat to his face.         "Oh, so you're just gonna become a full blown stalker now? Did you follow me from my house, or was this another 'coincidental' run-in." Xeno's words dripped with sarcasm and venom, but the vampire simply rolled his glacial blue eyes,          "Actually, I'm here because I smelled fresh blood," At the mention of fresh blood, the scientist glanced down at his work shirt, spotting the tiny stain of blood his cut had left,          "Oh." He inwardly winced at how disappointed he sounded, but tried to recover with a sniff, "I had trouble luring the bastard out. It was quite the shock for me to find out that not every vampire would want to chase me down and prowl around my house for the entire fucking night." Stan simply snorted, fishing out a pack of cigarettes and lighting one before he spoke again,          "Nah, that's just my thing, doll,"         "Quit calling me doll! You have my name now, fucking quit." The vampire put his hands up in mock surrender, though his smirk didn't falter under the scientist's withering glare. For a moment, they simply stood in the cool night's darkness, the hunter with his arms crossed and dark eyes narrowed, and the vampire returning his malicious look with his own nonchalant, half-lidded one while he breathed whispy smoke from his dark mouth. Both men seemed to dare the other to say something or do anything, each looking for an excuse to make some sort of contact until the smaller male spoke again,           "Are you expecting me to run away? Because I told you the first time we met, I'm not likely to do that," He huffed, but Stan simply shrugged,           "I'm just messing with ya, doesn't matter to me if you run or not." He grinned more at the lightning fast moment of irritation on Xeno's face, but the hunter schooled his facial features back into their usual disdain-filled glare, only broiling with frustration on the inside. He hated this man's relaxed demeanor. He was a monster hunter, the tall, hypnotically pretty predator should be avoiding him at all costs. Yet here he was, needling at him as if he couldn't end him just as quickly as he had the younger blood sucker. Okay, well, not as quickly. Stanley had a good four inches on the monster hunter at least, and had a body that had been frozen at the prime of his life, toned and pruned like an artfully shaped shrub through the years into a gorgeous, powerful example of why humans were the apex predators of the world. Or, well, they were, but with his change into the more monstrous his status as the perfect predator had only increased. Stan was perfectly built to hunt humans. Not only did he have a supernatural magnetic beauty to him, but he'd been human, so he knew how humans behave first hand. He was a nightmarish wet dream. Xeno gave his head a good shake to banish those thoughts from his mind when he realized he was looking the vampire over with the hunger of a sugar baby sizing up their next piggy bank.           "Hey, Xeno," Stan hummed, but the hunter refused to look back at the man, which he simply took as a greenlight to continue, "you wanna play our little game tonight?" The hunter snorted in response, staring off into the darkness while his cheeks cooled,           "I thought you were only here to bother me, not play a game of fucked up tag," He said calmly, only looked back at the man when he heard him walking closer, only stopping when he was about two feet away, maybe within reach, a grin on his pretty face,           "Well, I thought it'd be a bit more polite to offer that rather than just asking if I could drink your blood outright." he reasoned, amused at the edge of poutiness that he seemed to sniff out through the veil of aloof indifference the hunter spoke with.            "No thanks to either offer, I don't want to be chased tonight." Xeno sniffed in response, simply adding a thicker layer of ill temper to cover how excited he was at the thought of being pursued a second time. The first time had, admittedly, given him a thrill, but he wasn't ready to voice such to the annoying vampire in front of him. However, Stan seemed to have picked up on his kryptonite from that first round,              "But aren't you curious to see what happens when you add the scent of blood to the mix?" The purr in the man's voice annoyed Xeno immensely, but the thought of maybe learning just how sensitive vampire instincts were, and how quickly one would succumb to them. Obviously young vampires are more prone to being controlled by their need to feed, but Stanley isn't a new vampire, that curious voice mused, already setting Xeno on a very likely stupid and dangerous path, It'd be immensely helpful to know just how easy it is to bring out those base urges in him. If he's going to follow you around it's best to know what to avoid so he doesn't go feral. It further encouraged, stoking the flames of the scientist's natural curiosity until he hummed,              "I suppose it would be useful for the association to know exactly what triggers a vampire to go into a frenzy of some sort. Fine." The vampire grinned at that,             "You do know that I can't promise my feeding instinct is the only one that'll come to the surface," he pointed out, making Xeno blink and raise an eyebrow at him,             "What? Why would any other instinct come into play?" turning red as Stan laughed,               "Well, in simple terms, I find you too attractive to promise that when I catch you I'd only want to drink your blood~" Xeno's face warmed up more at that, getting huffy and tripping over his words in his rush to snap at him.               "You can have a five minute head start, just like last time," he simply assured, "Just need a bit of blood, because your original scratch has closed," He laughed more when Xeno pulled up his shirt to see that his shallow cut from earlier had in fact begun to heal, no longer bleeding and instead beginning to scab over. The hunter only responded with a glare at that point as he plucked his knife from the sidewalk where he'd dropped it and wiped it off before leaving another cut along his stomach, this one a bit deeper than the first, but not enough to linger for more than a day or two. With that, Stan gave him a charming smile that showed his extending fangs, his blue eyes already getting a hungry gleam to them. So, without further conversation, Xeno took off down the street. The cuts on his stomach stung and itched more from his running, but he pressed on. His main concern was regulating his breathing and energy so that he could get as far away from the vampire as he could in his small window of time. Naturally, his plan wasn't to just run in a straight line and wait to be caught, not only would that likely be dangerous, as a vampire in a feeding frenzy was much more violent, but was less likely to fulfill the goal of bringing those deadly instincts to the surface at all. So, instead, he sought out other people, a crowded area, maybe a shop, that way it wasn't as easy for the predator to catch up to him. This is insanely stupid, that voice of reason finally spoke up, not only am I playing with fire by instigating an instinctual reaction, but I am woefully under prepared to run from Stan. He realized, filling his veins with icy terror when the weight of his situation fully sunk in, The first time we did this I barely survive on pure panic and him toying with me. If he really loses his shit and goes into a frenzy, I can't outrun him. The reality of the thought hurt, but it was sorely true. Despite all of his training as a monster hunter, Xeno had never been one for good cardio, namely in the stamina category. He relied on his wits and pure speed, not his ability to maintain those speedy response times or pace for long periods. but it's too late now, he reminded himself, thinking back to the way the vampire's fangs had extended so soon after he'd given him a fresh source of scent. Nope, he couldn't chicken out now. He had no choice but to stick to his plan and push the panic and fear aside. Instead, he simply focused on the route ahead of him and locked onto the light of a store further down the street, which he headed for instantly. The bright, artificial light blinded the pale scientist for a moment when he stumbled into the store, but he was swift to regain his barrings and dash down the aisles and through the crowds of night owls and whatnot that were still up at this hour. He knew that his five minutes had ended a minute or so before. Meaning he didn't have long before the vampire would be on his ass. So, thinking quickly, he swiped his hand over his wounds, then smeared the blood on his palm onto the tile flooring in an aisle. Once he had that down, Xeno ran off deeper into the store. He had very few places to hide. The bathroom was basically a dead end with no windows and only one door, he couldn't climb up the shelves or to the rafters in a timely manner, so he forwent that plan. Instead, he did the next best thing. leaving as distracting a trail as possible before bolting out one of the fire exits.            "Shit," he wheezed when the fire exit triggered a screaming alarm through out the store. If Stan was in there, he'd definitely know he got out now, but that only meant the scientist had less time to think of such things. He had to focus on running. So, Xeno ignored the way his legs throbbed, and his lungs ached from gulping down the cold night air. He focused entirely on getting home, or at least to a more residential area. He could feel his limbs getting heavier, threatening more and more to give out with each step, but his grit his teeth and bared it until the threat became reality and the asphalt bit into his skin. And there he laid for a few seconds, gasping for air and scraping up as much energy as he could to push himself to his feet. As he did, he glanced back down the street, and sure enough. Stanley was coming out of the alley Xeno'd run out of, his glowing blue eyes locking onto the scientist in an instant. With another curse spat out through gritted teeth, Xeno took off again. His legs still screamed from exhaustion, and now his hands stung viciously from the fall, but he kept going. He could hear Stan closing in on him, which gave him a final burst of frantic energy that carried him to at least the park near his home before the vampire finally tackled him to the grass. The scientist could only wheeze in response, letting the vampire crush against him and push his face into his pale neck with a growl. That seemed to snap him out of the exhaustion cloud, and in an instant, Xeno was squirming and forcing himself up once again. The only way he managed it was because the vampire was taken by surprise, so he was able to slip from his grasp and scramble up, but he only got a few more steps before he had to lean against a tree for support so that his legs didn't crumble a third time. Then, just as quickly as he'd gotten away, Xeno was back in Stan's luke-warm arms, trapped against his needlessly heaving chest with his fangs hovering over his jugular once more. However, he didn't bite down. To the contrary, the feral vampire seemed to hesitate for a moment, seemingly weighing his options of what to do with the hunter before settling on a choice and swiftly switching to almost slamming him against the nearest tree.           "S-Stanley!" The hunter wheezed, more surprised then anything, pushing back so that his face at least wasn't forced into the course bark and he could look back to try and see the blonde behind him. Said blonde was keeping him in place with a hand on one of his shoulders, looking Xeno in the eye and almost relishing the dawning realization that painted his pale cheeks before he used his free hand to hook into his pants and tug them down pretty roughly. Then, he was back at the man's neck, but this time he bit with his blunter teeth, sucking at the skin until Xeno's mewls and hums were pulled out and he was satisfied with the hickey he'd left. The scientist, meanwhile was a bit ashamed of how quickly he accepted the turn of events. He tried to save some face by muffling the noises bubbling in his throat, but Stan's mouth at his neck, paired with the way he ground his groin into his now-bear rear drug a few noises out. Though, it also bat back the fog of hormones and lust long enough for the hunter to realize that he was very likely to get hurt if he didn't intervene. So, he whined and reached up to tangle his fingers in Stan's messy hair, tugging at it until he finally relinquished his throat from the second hickey he was dedicated on leaving. Carefully, Xeno turned himself around with what little room he was permitted between the vampire's muscular chest and the much-less-forgiving tree. Once they were face to face though, the college graduate's brain no longer seemed to work, so, the two simply stood there, panting a bit from the chase, before he finally gave up on using words and instead simply sunk down to his knees. Keeping his eyes glued to the glowing blue pair above him as he went. Luckily enough for him, his actions at least intrigued the vampire, because he was allowed to tug his bottoms down just enough for his member to spring free, which earned him a noise somewhere between a growl and a hum. With Stan's pants down and his member now standing erect in front of him, Xeno hesitated. Should it matter if I'm any good at this sort of shit? I just need some sort of lubrication, and he shouldn't really care about anything beyond...mating, so surely he won't give a shit, right? He asked himself, puzzling over the predicament before Stan reached down to grab onto his shirt, reminding the scientist of his lack of patience. So, Xeno threw his insecurities to the wind and grabbed onto the base of the shaft so he could slip Stan's impatient member into his mouth. The vampire moaned in response, and Xeno took that as a sign that he'd bought a bit more time for himself. So, he slowed down, bobbing his head at a medium sort of pace to work himself up to taking as much of the length as he could, which, thankfully for him, was almost all of it thanks to years of speed-drinking coffee and energy drinks and eating at record speeds in college. He also found that once he actually got to moving, the embarrassment of his lack of skills faded away, and part of him simply enjoyed the groans he got out of Stan while he moved his lips up and down him at a steady pace. He simply continued to work him as much as he could until the vampire let out a little hiss and gripped onto the scientist's shirt until he pulled away and let his throbbing member go with a coy 'pop'. Suddenly, Xeno was yanked back to his feet and whirled around again to be slammed back into the tree. His pants were tugged down once more and his feet were kicked apart in rapid succession so the monster hunter only got a moment's break before Stan pushed into him. And while it hurt still, the white-haired man found that he didn't mind as much. As the vampire began thrusting into him, one hand clawing into his hip, the other on his shoulder, Xeno moaned out curses and did his best to grab onto the tree or Stan's neck to keep steady under the merciless thrusts of the blonde. It was shameful how hot his body got, but with how Stan was hitting that sweetspot within Xeno, his face back to being buried in his neck for more marks, Xeno couldn't care less.        "Mmmm, fuck! ah, r-right there, please!" he plead, tangling his fingers back into Stan's hair as he moaned, giving another lewd noise when his pursuer did as he asked, swiftly learning that doing so got more needy noises from the hormone-addled hunter. With that, Xeno lost all coherency as euphoria further fogged his mind, and soon brought him to his peak with a whine of the vampire's name. Though, Stan didn't stop when Xeno came, he just kept thrusting into him, still flooding his pale body with more and more pleasure while his hot puffs of breath tickled his hickey-littered neck. The continued rough treatment was beginning to sting, but the edge of pain only seemed to bolster Xeno's pleasure back to its peak, pushing a second orgasm from him before Stan finally grew sloppy with his thrusts and soon gave one final movement before emptying himself into the hunter. After that, the monster hunter let himself melt against the tree, relying on Stanley to hold him up because he was on the verge of passing out after that night's activities. The last thing Xeno remembered was giving a thumbs up to what he assumed was the question 'are you okay'. Then, he let his exhaustion take him into dreamland.

[hanymelon]

Hi! Your art is *chef's kiss* and the ways you draw Mammon solo or with your MC are super cute and I love the way you detail his blushes and expressions so much. I get excited everytime I see you post a new drawing 💕

I was wondering if you had any tips for a beginner artist on, like, anatomy or just starting off in general? I usually just write and stick to that for OM, but some ideas feel like they should be drawn. I get confused with where I should start practicing and usually just drop the idea altogether.

Sorry if that put you on the spot or anything, don't feel bad if you don't wanna answer. I also really just wanted to gush about your art and ty for drawing so much good stuff!

Hi! Awwh thank you so much! ;v; Im so happy you get like my art enough to say that <333 💕💕💕 I know what you mean about getting ideas that feel like they should be drawn. Sometimes i get ideas that i think would be better done in writing. If you wanna share what you've written, id love to give them a read :)) No pressure tho! Ah, i get excited when someone is starting to pick up drawing. It can be challenging but super rewarding. Before i give specific tips, firstly I'd say if you are just starting out, have fun with it and dont stress too much about the technicalities. If you get too caught up with how something doesn't look right or how your anatomy is wonky, you'll bog yourself down and end up not creating at all which is sad :( In the end, its really about getting your ideas down on paper and it shouldn’t be something too too stressful since youre doing it for fun anyway! I have to remind myself that no one is holding me at gunpoint and forcing me to create drawings with perfect anatomy or proportions, im still learning! And thats okay!

[More under the cut bc this got kinda long!]

With that out of the way, here are some tips you can hopefully use. Im not that great at anatomy either, but what helps me a lot is references. Its pretty typical advice, but it really helps me understand form and what the human body can and cant do. like can the arm twist that way? Idk, look up a reference. Although it is the best way, sometimes its really overwhelming to look at actual pictures of humans and trying to translate that to a cartoony anime-ish drawing so you can start out by referencing anime (or cartoons) instead. When i was starting out i used to do little studies on styles that i liked. That can help a lot with seeing how artists you like draw certain things. For example how they make the arms and legs not look stiff, the specific curves they use for the waist, the folds in the clothes, etc etc. (Goes without saying here, but just don't upload your studies or copied drawings on the internet and claim it as your own and you're all good) I’d insert pictures of my own studies but i dont have them with me where i am rn so i cant do that unfortunately sorry! So lets say you have this super specific pose in mind and you cant find a reference for it or youre just too lazy to sort through hundreds of pictures on google or pinterest to find that one perfect ref img. You can just pose and take a picture of yourself. i do this a lot and sometimes get my friends (who are also art students so that makes things easier haha) to help if i need it. If you really dont want to do that tho, something i also do a lot is to do the pose while drawing it. Feeling and seeing where my body naturally leans and where body parts are relative to each other in a certain pose really helps. for example if im drawing someone waving, how far away is the hand from the head, should the elbow be out or close to the body, how long should the forearm be etc etc. Yknow the thing where you make the same expression as the character you're drawing? The way you kinda feel the way its supposed to look? Yeah its like that but for poses fjsv i hope this makes sense. Personally im not a big believer of the "Draw everyday!! Even when you dont feel like it!!" advice. But If youre really enjoying what you do, youd wanna be doing it every day anyway. And the more you draw, the more comfortable itll become and the more things will kind of make sense when you notice patterns as you practice. I guess what im trynna say is make the practice fun and not feel like a bother so you'd wanna do it more and in turn improve more. Its a cycle haha.  Im not the most qualified to give advice but i hope this helped a bit? There are plenty of sources on the interwebs that are very useful and can probably help you a lot. I hope you keep drawing anon! Tldr; Draw what you want, use references, strike the pose and feel your body, make practice fun (whatever that might mean for you), the more you do it the better you’ll get

[secondhand-trash]

A/N: hello uwu welcome to the first part of Miya Osamu’s bento saga! Ngl I think I have way too much fun writing this and drawing the illustration to go with it hhhhh I hope you enjoy!

Word count: 987

(click here to see more of Osamu’s bento)

(taglist in the comments, please go to the link in my bio or send me an ask to be added to the bento taglist uwu)

-

Osamu insisted on making bento for you every single day you had to go to work, but you were almost certain that it was more for his own entertainment than it was for you. 

Not that you mind. Whatever his motive was, you were the one who got to have good food down your stomach and there was no way you would complain about it. What was the point of having a chef boyfriend if you don’t abuse his talents a little?

Hastily pulling the sleeve of your jacket over your arm, you were tripping your way to the door of your apartment as you made a quick mental note of all the things you needed to bring with you to work.

Stupid alarm, why couldn’t you just rang a little bit louder?

You threw your shoes onto the ground before clumsily shoving the shoehorn down. Throwing your bag over your shoulder, you fumbled through your things with your other hand on the door knob.

Phone, wallet, files... Alright.

“Forgot something?”

You were one foot out the door when the amused voice of your boyfriend rang behind you. Snapping around in panic, you let out a sigh of gratitude when you saw Osamu’s grinning face and the bag in his hand.

“Urgh, thank you Samu...” you said, leaning over to give him a quick peck on his lips as you took the bento from his hand. It was still warm to touch and the thought that you would still have your handmade lunch to look forward to even though you weren’t having the best start to your day gave you just a little boost of morale.

“I tried something new with the bento today,” he sounded very proud of himself and it only fuelled your anticipation, “have a good day at work, remember to eat.”

-

“Urgh..” stretching your arms outward, you let out an exasperated groan at the knots on your shoulder. You had been slouching over your keyboard all morning and your already decaying muscles were screaming for you to just take a break. 

Looking up from your cubicle to check the office’s clock hung by the corner of the wall near you, you felt your dying spirit perking up just a little when you saw that the tiny hand had already strike past the 12 the top.

Finally. Lunch hour.

Pulling out your bento that was put away neatly under your desk, you could not contain your excitement as you untie the knot of the bag.

He said he tried something new. Would it be a new side dish? New ingredients? 

This was all too exciting, Osamu deserves a big fat kiss when you got home for giving you a will to live through work. You thought to yourself, smiling as you open the lid of the bento box.

...

You froze in place as you stared at the bento, and then slowly put the lid back on.

In a good distant away from your office, the phone of Onigiri Miya rang.

“Hello, this is Onigiri Miya.”

“Samu...”

“Ah, (y/n)!" the young owner perked up when he heard your familiar voice from the other end of the phone, “what is it?”

“About the bento...”

“Oh yes! What do you think?”

“Samu, I love you,” you took a deep breath, “but what is that?”

“Charaben!”

You paused. Usually when people say character bento, you would think something cute. Like animals, or cartoon characters. But what he had arranged...

“I saw this mom’s blog about how she tried to communicate with her daughter through each day’s bento and I want to give it a try,” he said while you had a million questions running through your head, “do you get what I’m trying to tell you?”

The call fell into silence but even through the phone, you could feel his anticipation of your guess. Slowly opening the bento again, you stared at the visual that you could not began to understand.

“Um...” you were feeling slightly uneased by the wonky looking piece of carrot on the potato salad and the two pieces of boiled egg on top did not help at all, “is that a face?”

“Yes!” Osamu chimed happily, “and the ham pieces are supposed to be fingers!”

What the fuck... Your eyes travelled to the long pieces of ham with a small section cut out at the tip. Oh, those were the nails.

You gulped as you looked at the two pieces of seaweed near the eyes. Were those sweat? The face seemed... distressed? Because of the empty space in the square? Your head hurt at how clueless you were at whatever he was implicating. The seaweed rectangles on the rice was far too abstract for you to understand.

“And something is missing...?”

Osamu hummed in delight at your guess, “and?”

Two rectangles... and the hand was holding onto it? Wait. Wait...

“Is that the fridge?”

“Yup!” he didn’t hear the sigh of relieve from your end as he continued, “I was trying to tell you to buy ice cream on your way home because I saw that out freezer was empty last night.”

Ah, so that was supposed to be his face? “Oh... ok...” you said, not really knowing how to react.

“It’s my first try, so maybe it’s not very good.”

“No, samu, it’s great-”

“But I’ll keep trying, so just look forward to it!”

Hm?

“Is there anything else? Because the shop is starting to get busy and I should really get back.”

“N-no,” you replied, “that’s all.”

“Oh ok,” he said and you could hear the sound of doors being slide open, “I should go, remember to buy the thing before you get back, yeah?”

“Of course, goodbye samu.”

You let out a heavy breath when you ended the call. Holding your chopsticks in hand, you stared at the face on your bento.

And then stabbed right into its eye.

[demonsonthemoon]

Standing on the Edge / We’re Already Falling

Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe Pairing: Bucky Barnes/Clint Barton Word Count: 3499 Rating: M Summary: Clint doesn't do romantic relationships. Bucky doesn't do sex. But they do do something together. One night, Clint has a request. "Do you mind if I jerk off?" Featuring akoiromantic!Clint. Notes: If you are here expecting smut you might be disappointed because the smut I was planning to write disappeared in between whole paragraphs of introspection. STORY OF MY LIFE. This fic has been sitting in my draft for more than a year and I STILL had to rush it to post it in time for #AggressivelyArospecWeek, so apologies if it is super wonky and there are typos everywhere. This is vaguely inspired by personal experiences and fantasies, because relationships are fascinating and I like to self-reflect. Also please note that I'm allosexual and the perspective I have on asexuality is totally external. So if you have any comments about the way I wrote it that might further my understanding of asexuality and help me write it better, let me know! Content warnings: Bucky's asexuality in this is explored partly in relation to his history of abuse so if that sounds squicky or triggering to you, be careful!

Read it on AO3.

The feeling of Bucky's lips on his wasn't anything new to Clint. That didn't mean that the pleasure of it was wearing off, far from it. First kisses were never the best. No, the really good one only came after, when you knew what the other person liked and they knew your preferences as well. When you could play each other like finally tuned instruments to elicit your favorite sounds at will. Those were the best kisses.

The one they were sharing now was quite high-ranking on that scale, at least according to Clint's opinion. They were both freshly clean from a shower, and Clint was quickly letting go of all the tension from the mission he'd just come back from. He was finally reaching the good side of pent-up where sensations were pleasurably heightened but not making him paranoid. Then there was the fact that Bucky was softly biting on his lower lip and had a hand in Clint's hair. Yeah. It was a pretty good kiss.

“Fuck,” Clint whispered at they broke apart for hair. They didn't go far from one another, just hovering on that edge of kissing again. Clint had a hand on Bucky's face, softly running a thumb over his stubble, the other over his hip.

Bucky smiled, then kissed him again. It was funny. Clint swore his lips tasted different when he smiled. It was one of his favorite flavors.

This thing between them hadn't always been that easy. There had been a time when Bucky's only two moods were “shadow in the corner” and “murder glare,” which had not been conducive to much physical intimacy. (Not that Clint had been unwilling. Everyone who knew him was aware of his attraction to danger.) It had taken a while for Bucky to become comfortable, both with himself and with the people also living on the Avengers compound. Clint had understood that. The guy had been through a lot. He'd still barely remembered who he was when he'd turned himself in after a year of leading Steve and Sam around on a merry chase.

But he'd gotten around to it. The whole being a person thing. Being something other than a weapon.

Yes, Clint had been a little protective of him. Still was. He could relate to the guy. A few days of alien brainwashing was obviously different to a few decades of being Hydra's puppet, but it still gave them more common grounds than most of the other Avengers.

They'd started getting along, and then they had started getting along, and now Clint was shirtless and kissing Bucky in his bed and it all felt really nice.

Really really nice.

“Shit, fuck,” Clint whimpered against Bucky's mouth, drawing away slightly. “Wait a sex- sec. I have a question.”

The beginning of their relationship (Clint always made a face at the word, but he hadn't found any other one that fit) had involved a lot of awkward conversations about boundaries. Clint had been on the verge of e-mailing his therapist about it several times. She would have been so proud. Clint wasn't ready to admit that, but it had felt nice for once not to be the only one tiptoeing around a minefield. That's what it had felt like in a lot of his other relationships, and most of his other partners hadn't been subtle in letting him know it was his fault.

Bucky didn't make him feel like it was his fault. He had plenty of minefields of his own and seemed grateful to have Clint here to help him figure out their layouts.

It had almost been funny when they'd realized how little they matched one another.

Clint didn't do romance. He'd learned the hard way that however much he liked the person at first, and even continued to like them, in a way, he couldn't sustain romantic attraction for much more than a few weeks into a relationship. And the pressure of a romantic relationship was just too much for him to handle. After a series of self-sabotaged messes and a divorce, he'd been forced to admit that it wasn't worth trying anymore. He'd mostly resigned himself to one-night stands and the occasional cuddle with a friend. Wanting regular physical and emotional intimacy outside of a romantic relationship just wasn't something he figured he could get.

Bucky, on the other hand, was totally open to the pursuit of romance. At least as much as someone with such severe trust issues as he had could be. But he didn't really do sex. At least not for now.

It had been kind of funny to find all of that out, but also not at all. Clint was very happy that they'd decided to figure something out anyway. He'd been even happier when the something in question had turned out to involve having a close friend he could regularly make out with but who didn't pressure him into being with each other all the time, being wooed or going on dates.

Their relationship probably looked like weird and misshapen from any outside perspective, and sometimes even from Clint's, when his nerves were too raw or his mind was too numb and he looked at the universe and only saw the result of his failures. But it was theirs, and whenever Clint felt like his skin was his own again, he found he was willing to fight for it.

It was a weird yo-yo motion, with a string that threatened to snap every so often, but so far it was still turning.

Clint couldn't help himself, and he gave Bucky another peck on the lips. Just to erase the frown that had formed on his forehead as he'd pulled away from their kiss.. “Don't worry. There's no good or bad answer here.” He tried to keep his tone confident and casual. Spy training came in handy in these kinds of situation. Of course, the fact that Bucky was just as well trained meant he could usually read through Clint's bullshit, but well. One had to try.

Clint took a breath, and smiled. “Do you mind if I jerk off?”

Bucky froze against Clint's hands. His eyes widened just the slightest bit.

And then he looked down at Clint's crotch, and the blond bit down on his own lip to avoid letting out a thoroughly undignified squeak. The outline of his erection was clearly visible through the worn material of his post-shower sweatpants. Bucky somehow seemed surprised by it, even though there was no way he hadn't felt it rub against him at any point of the previous proceedings.

Clint felt a blush rise to his cheeks. He wasn't embarrassed about sex. He didn't think that was what it was. He was just very aware of the request he'd just made and the fact that Bucky's attention was still lingering on his cock.

“You don't have to say yes. I really don't mind if we just make out some more and cuddle. I just thought... Well. I just thought that if you didn't have to... participate, you might still like to watch?” The blood in his cheeks was quickly approaching boiling point. “Or not. I don't know. I just thought I'd ask.”

Clint forced himself to close his mouth and stop talking before he fell into a spell of ill-advised chatter. For a few excruciating seconds, Bucky stayed silent. At least he was looking into Clint's eyes again, instead of at his dick. Small mercies.

“Is that something that you would like? If I watched?”

“Um.” Clint swallowed. The fact that Bucky's gaze followed the movement of his Adam's apple was enough to force him to admit he didn't want to lie. “Yeah. Yeah. I'd... I think I'd like that a lot.”

Clint didn't know what reaction he'd expected at that. A joke perhaps. Or at least a raised eyebrow. He hadn't expected Bucky to move forward like a hunting animal jumping on his prey and kiss him. Clint opened his mouth and let the kiss deepen. He wasn't an idiot, he wouldn't pass up the opportunity to get kissed passionately by Bucky just because he was confused. So he moved one arm over Bucky's shoulder, found a better angle and kissed back, giving as much as he got.

He hadn't lied when he'd said he could do just this for hours. Who cared if it made him feel like an awkward teenager again, one who was all too happy to agree to “no sex on the first date” because he didn't know how to tell his at the time girlfriend that he hadn't ever touched a condom in his life.

Clint wasn't frustrated. He jerked off a healthy amount, and in the time between he got to hang out with Bucky and get kissed senseless. There was really no drawback to this situation.

And sure, Clint had desires. Fantasies. There were many things he thought about while he jerked off, and quite a few of them inlvoved Bucky in different stages of nakedness and with various amounts of their naked skins touching. But he also had fantasies about a lot of people he had never had and would never have sex with, and that was fine. He was friends with Bucky, and his comfort whenever they spent time together was a lot more important than Clint's libido.

But he had wondered if maybe... If there could be a way to get more of what he wanted without pushing any of Bucky's boundaries. He already felt bad for not being able to give Bucky everything he wanted, everything that he deserved. Bucky should get to be with someone who would go on dates with him, who would kiss him in the rain and hold his hand it public, and whisper I am so glad that you're my boyfriend against his ear. After all the ways he'd been used and abused, Bucky deserved the certainty of someone who loved him in all ways, all the time.

And Clint wasn't that someone. Clint couldn't give himself to someone in that way without feeling trapped, without tainting the beauty of every gesture with his own fear of being controlled.

Asking for this, for this selfish thing that wasn't sex but was so so close, it was a dangerous thing. It felt like taking something more, and Clint had never felt like he deserved anything in his life, not most of the bad, but not really any of the good either, and he didn't want to be that person who just took and took from someone who had already lost so much, but Bucky had always told him to just ask and he had, and Bucky was still kissing him like there was no other way to say what he meant to say and-

“Okay,” Bucky panted when he finally pulled away far enough to form words. “I think I want to see that.”

And, fuck, this was definitely something that Clint had fantasized about before, that's why he brought it up, but his imagination paled before the real thing, before the livewire tension all across his body and the way Bucky looked hungry in a way he'd never had before, and then Clint was being pushed back against the pillows of the bed and Bucky was slowly peeling off his sweatpants to expose the boxers underneath and this was all too much already. Bucky looked so smug about it too, like this was a perfectly normal things for them to do, like anything below the belt wasn't an entirely new territory for them. Bucky settled cross-legged on the end of the bed opposite to Clint, and tilted his head in a sort of go-ahead gesture. There was such open curiosity in his eyes, and Clint hadn't known that that was something that did it for him, but it really, truly was.

In all of his fantasies, he hadn't had to think about how to jerk off, he'd already been doing it as he set the scene in his head. He had felt a certain thrill at the idea of being watched, but none of the nervousness that came from putting on a show. And that probably wasn't what Bucky even expected from him, but Clint still felt weird. It felt like the worst case of stage fright he'd had since his first performance in the circus when he'd been a teenager.

Clint took a deep breath. He looked up into Bucky's eyes, carefully trained on his, and slowly pulled his boxers off.

*****

Bucky could tell that Clint was nervous. He wanted to so something about it, but he had no idea how. Clint had been the one to offer this, to ask for this, and Bucky was just along for the ride. A ride he definitely thought he would enjoy, but he also couldn't be sure, and he didn't want to push Clint but didn't want to stay totally detached either and...

And Clint was now touching his dick, hand in a loose fist around it, going up and down, thumb brushing over the head to gather a few drops of precome. And he was staring at Bucky as he did all that, worrying his bottom lip and staring at Bucky like he held all of the answers in the world.

He was surprised at how big the urge to touch was. He wanted to put his mouth on Clint's and bite down, bite properly instead of whatever Clint was doing to deal with his nervousness. He wanted to put a hand in Clint's hair and lick along the side of his neck and then look down at where his hand was still moving on his cock.

But he didn't do any of that, even though he had before (except for the looking part), because if he did he might trip on his own boundaries, might trigger that trapwire inside himself that made him retreat.

So he just watched instead, held Clint's gaze when it met his.

This was a new things for the two of them, but at the same time... it wasn't. Not really. Because this wasn't about sex. Sex was something that Bucky felt totally detached from on a good day, and on a bad one it was something that made him nervous, made his stomach twist and weigh heavily.

He couldn't explain why, because he hadn't ever had a particularly bad experience with it. At least he didn't think so. (He hated that he still wasn't sure, couldn't be sure, because so many memories had been taken from him and he couldn't ever know if he had gotten all of them back.)

What he remembered, at least, wasn't bad, although it wasn't good. Bucky could see himself, another person in another time, lying in fresh grass with a girl, her perfume just heavy enough to make him slightly light-headed, to take the edge off the feeling of wrongness he was experiencing as he touched her, let her touch him. He could feel the purely physical pleasure of the act, perfunctory, but nothing else.

This thing right now with Clint was nothing like that, because it wasn't about the sex. It was about Clint and it was about pleasure, but physicality was only one tiny part of this equation.

Bucky watched Clint's hand run up hand down his cock, and he didn't wish that it was his instead, but that didn't stop him from being fascinated by the movement, by the way Clint's dick responded, hardening further, and by the quiet sounds that caught in his throat.

A thought crossed his mind, and Bucky stood up. The fact that Clint immediately stopped moving made him feel... something. It reminded him that, yeah, Clint was masturbating, but this thing still actively involved Bucky. And Bucky let himself be involved, since he ruffled through his nightstand and threw Clint a half bottle of lube. Clint's eyes widened even as he caught the bottle easily. A soldier's reflexes. “You-”

Bucky rolled his eyes.

“I don't have the same libido as you, but I've still got enough experience to know it's better when it doesn't chafe.”

“Right,” Clint replied, scratching the back of his head in an embarrassed gesture. The combination of that and his erection sticking out made him look completely ridiculous, but Bucky only smiled in endearment.

He settled back at the foot of the bed, crosses his legs and make a vague gesture with his hand.

“As you were,” he said with a smirk.

Clint stared, mouth agape. “You...” He chuckled. “You are such an asshole.”

Bucky didn't deny it, but he also noticed that Clint wasn't too bothered, pouring lube into his right hand and carefully warming it up. He looked slightly uncertain again, slowly touching his own dick. Bucky didn't say anything, but he watched. That's what Clint had asked for. That he watch.

Clint worried his lower lip and hummed in his throat as he worked up a rhythm again, and Bucky watched.

He liked Clint's hands, the calluses on his fingers, the various scars from knife fights and careless handling of arrows. He liked them for the stories they told, the one that had been erased from his own fingertips by serum and metal. It was something he kept to himself, unlike Clint who took great pleasure in telling Bucky how hot he looked and which pants he should keep wearing because they framed his thighs just right. Bucky didn't look at Clint's hands like Clint sometimes did his, with a far-away intensity in his eyes and his mouth just the slighest bit open. But that was okay.

Clint didn't look at him like he wanted to be what made Bucky happy, his everything, his forever, with a yearning to share as much of the other's life as he could. But Bucky...

Bucky looked up into Clint's eyes, scared of everything his own could say, but it felt like the other man could hardly see him, too caught up in the movement of his own hand and the sensations that ran through his body. It didn't make Bucky feel alone, though. Quite the opposite. Clint was including him in a moment that could so easily have been private and it was thrilling, it made Bucky feel powerful and wanting. Bucky could have touched, Clint probably would have liked him to touch him, and Bucky felt his arms strain towards the other man, but stayed still. This made the moment feel purer, safer, better somehow, and Bucky didn't get it, not really, but then again, there were so many things he didn't get about Clint and his relationship, this was just one more thing on the list.

Another fragile compromise, another precarious equilibrium, just like everything that had followed that fateful “Can I kiss you?” during a conversation that had felt half like a fight and also like the most comfortable Bucky had been in years, because Clint hadn't been scared of him and he hadn't been careful, and he had asked to kiss him and Bucky had said yes.

And barely seconds after their lips had touched, Clint had said “Okay, this doesn't have to go anywhere, but in case it goes anywhere, we need to set boundaries,” and Bucky had thought “I think I might love you.”

These days, he tried his best not to say it aloud, but he thought Clint still understood it sometimes, like right now when Bucky had finally reached out and kissed Clint one more, and the other man's hip had thrust up twice before he came, one hand grappling at Bucky's shoulder and gripping his shirt. He was panting into Bucky's mouth, eyes wide and a little scared, and Bucky kissed him again until Clint whined, louder than any sound he'd made as he orgasmed, and Bucky couldn't help but be selfishly pleased by that.

He felt warm and relaxed. For once, the arousal coiled in his gut didn't feel uncomfortable, there was no pressure for it to go anywhere.

He pulled away, and watched as Clint carefully got his breathing back to normal. “Thanks,” the blond said, a slightly pathetic attempt at filling the silence between them.

“You're welcome,” Bucky replied, too quiet and not snarky enough, but they both smile and pretended not to know what had been said behind the word. They didn't destroy the balance.

Clint looked at his hand and made a face, and Bucky pushed him out of bed with a laugh, telling him to clean up. He chucked off his own shirt, which was stained by Clint's come and oh, what a strange thought that was. And then he settled into bed.

He was pretty sure Clint would join him, tonight, though he didn't always. If he was lucky, they'd have breakfast the next day. He didn't expect to see much of Clint for the rest of the day after that though, but that was okay.

It was an equilibrium.

[eastertag]

Easter TAG

@womble1 gift for @janetm74

Blanket  

Precious  

Crown 

It was one of those days, one in/one out, a continuous rotation of Tracys coming and going. Virgil had just made it back from the arctic, scooping up Thunderbird 4 from its own mission on the way home. Scott and Alan glanced up from the desk where they had been conversing with John’s hologram. He should have seen it coming by the way their eyes adopted that concerned crinkling around the edges, really highlighting the similarities between the two of them despite the age gap.

“What?” his gaze danced from one pair of blue eyes to the other, “what’s wrong?” He glanced down at his shirt in case he had buttoned it up wonky or smeared something spectacular down it without noticing. Coming up blank he was back to requesting more info from those present

“Seriously - What?”

Scott stood up from behind the desk, his hands clasped in front of him like a politician about to deliver a tough message. 

“Well don’t take this the wrong way but, well…” he dithered around the sentence as if not quite sure which way to best approach it.

“You look like Shit Virg!” Alan cut in, having no such qualms. 

Virgil pulled his arms across his chest defensively, it was a bit harsh coming from someone who regularly slept in their clothes. 

“Thanks, I love you too, you little scrote!” he scowled across at the brat.

“OK, language. Both of you!” Scott waded into the fray, holding his hands up to placate both parties. “But honestly Virgil, you do look like you could do with a rest.” this just got a derisive shrug and an unintelligible grunt in response. “You look frozen, are you coming down with something?” Scott advanced towards him, stretching out his arm to lay a palm on Virgil’s forehead, but Virgil saw it coming and side stepped away from the advancing hand. 

“I’m fine, it was the arctic, it was cold, big shock, quit pawing at me.” Even as he said it, Virgil knew he was being needlessly snappy, but the damage was done and he saw Alan and Scott exchange a look. 

“Ok, fair point. Alan and I were just on our way out, so why don’t you just take a seat while we go and sort this one out.” Scott was talking slowly, moving in carefully and steering Virgil to a couch like he was a scared animal that might bolt or lash out. “It’s just a little support job for a research station, we’ll be back in no time. Here, have a blanket, I can literally see you shivering.” blanket deployed, Alan and Scott backed away, while Virgil remained scowling on the sofa, muttering about how he was absolutely fine, but tellingly he didn’t move from his loosely constructed blanket nest. He must have zoned out slightly, as the next thing he was aware of was the familiar rumblings of Thunderbird two launching and he hastily pulled up the comms array over the coffee table to give Scott a piece of his mind as Gordon strolled into the room. 

“Scott! You took my bird! What the hell?!” 

“Hello to you too! And I think you’ll find they are all International Rescue vehicles, besides we need the Pods  - and before you start, no, you were not in fit state to fly. Anyway, it’s a perfect chance for Alan to get some more flight hours in’’ as Alan’s face popped up alongside wearing a massive grin.

“Hey Virgil! The research station is in the middle of nowhere, there’s no way I’ll scratch it - I promise!” The little sod was enjoying winding his brother up far too much, they both knew he was a competent pilot, but that wasn’t the point. Virgil huffed and shuffled about a bit, wrapping his arms around himself, maybe he was a little cold but he wasn’t going to admit it. Too late though he had been spotted.

“Seriously Virgil, wrap yourself up, I can see you shivering from here” Scott's worry mode had been engaged, even as he got steadily further away, there was no escaping it. “Gordon keep an eye on him will you, I think he might be coming down with something”

“Sure think Capitano!” Gordon punctuated this with a sloppy little salute as the connection blinked out. “Come on then big guy, let’s get you tucked in nice and snug” he threatened as he advanced with malicious intent. 

“For the last time, I am absolutely fine! But fine, look I’m using the blasted blanket!” he sulkily pulled the blanket tightly around himself until he resembled a giant burrito “Happy now!” he demanded with a scowl. 

“O…..K, I’m going to leave you and your mood to get better acquainted, you want a coffee?” Gordon went to leave in the direction of the kitchen, barely resisting the urge to laugh at the image Virgil was presenting.

“Yes” came the somewhat deflated reply “……please” all the fight evaporating as quickly as Thunderbird ones vapor trails. 

By the time Gordon had navigated Virgil’s needlessly complicated coffee machine and made his way back to the lounge, the blanket burrito had toppled sideways on the sofa and appeared to be asleep. Gordon began to think that maybe Scott was right about the predictions of ill-health on the horizon. He was just wondering if he ought to reposition the blankets a bit since he couldn’t see Virgil’s face and there was a distinct lack of the usual snoring, when a call from Lady Penelope came through on the central display. 

“Ahh Good afternoon Gordon,” came Penelope’s clipped accent 

“Howdie Lady P! What can we do for you today?” Gordon spun around, his blanketed brother instantly forgotten. 

“Oh, it’s nothing urgent today thankfully, I was just……..” she faltered distracted by something “Forgive me Gordon, but I have to ask, what exactly is that behind you?

Gordon spared a brief glance back at the blanket pile that presumably still contained his brother.

“Oh that, Virg is just sulking because Alan took his ride and so he’s proving that he’s not cold…..yeah it makes sense somehow” he petered out.

“Oh I see,” Penelope takes this in her stride as she does all things, “Should it be glowing though Gordon?”

“Glowing?!” he jumps slightly “Oh no, he hasn’t” with no further preamble Gordon dived towards the fleece fortress, tugging at a corner. “Come on Virgil, hand it over, I know you’ve got it in there” He found a gap and plunged his hand inside the fabric, reaching towards the glowing  epicentre.

“Noooooooo, gerroff!” it was muffled, but it was clear that Virgil was not going to give in quietly. “It’s MINE! My precious! You can’t have it!” He wriggled about madly thrashing to try and get away from Gordon, who scrapped as well as any younger sibling in history. 

“Give it up Virg! They’re fine!” the “accidental” application of Gordon’s knee to unmentionable regions resulted in a muffled “ooof” and a sudden reduction in the amount of resistance. Gordon was able to extract his prize and held the remote piloting device up in triumph for Lady Penelope to see.

“He’s always like this when they take Two out without him, he just hovers over the remote controls, adjusting things. Alan thought Two was haunted the first time it happened, I’m not sure he doesn’t still partly believe it still is now.”

Lady Penelope hid a giggle demurely with one hand “Don’t you think you ought to check he’s ok in there, he doesn’t appear to be moving” she asked.

Gordon nudged the immobile lump with his knee “ you’re alright in there aren’t you big guy?” he asked, before sitting himself on top of the blanket mound with all the stately composure of a king ascending to his throne. 

Theres an unintelligible groan before Virgil wriggled enough to free his head from the fabric confines “Stupid Fat Hobbit! Ughhh”

“Oh yeah, he’s fine,” Gordon confirmed, a megawatt smile breaking his regal composure “He’s just banned from any more Lord of the Rings binges.”  Gordon turned to look down at his brother and affectionately ruffled his hair, making it stand out at all angles like a rumpled crown.

At this additional indignity, Virgil put all his remaining energy into a final abrupt wriggle that sent Gordon Toppling from his perch “Get off me pipsqueak!”

“Even the smallest person can change the course of the future!” Gordon proclaimed from his place on the floor just before a cushion was dumped on his head. 

“Have you lost the plot Gordon?!” another pillow was dumped on him to punctuate the remark. 

“Not all those who wander are lost!” could just be heard through the growing pile of cushions 

They both seemed to have forgotten Lady Penelope's holographic presence floating above them. She coughed gently to draw their attention. 

“On that note I think I will leave you both too it, I’ll call back later to speak to Scott,” this drew their eyes away from the developing pillow fight. She cleared her throat delicately once more, gave a little smile and said “Maybe I should quote Frodo Baggins and remind you “It is useless to meet revenge with revenge: it will heal nothing.” before you damage the soft furnishings any further.” and with that parting wisdom her image blinked out of existence.

“Did she just?….” asked Gordon

“Yes, yes I think she did” said Virgil, shaking his head slightly, either in disbelief or despair.

“What a GEEK!” snorted Gordon,  still half-heartedly trying to free himself from the scatter cushion landslide. Then, resigning himself to his current location, he flopped back into the pillows, letting out a happy little sigh. “She really is perfect isn’t she?” Virgil decided the only sensible response to this was to deposit a final cushion onto the top of Gorgon’s head, with enough force to liberate a couple of feathers from its confines. 

By the time Alan and Scott arrived back, with a thankfully scratch free Thunderbird Two, Gordon and Virgil had fallen asleep two films into yet another Lord of the Rings rewatch marathon. Gordon had nested on the floor on a mound of slightly battered looking scatter cushions and Virgil had reinstated the blanket burrito and only his head was free from the blankety confines.

[onebizarrekai]

Your simplified Danganronpa drawings are so cool, I wish I could make stuff like that! How do you do it?

hello! so the funny thing about that is that I don’t really divert that much from my normal style–I just add a few things to it to make it more danganronpa-y. I, coincidentally, am weirdly good at style imitation, but I can show you how I did it!

I’m using kokichi as my victim because I can’t stop drawing this bastard:

these are the lines for my normal style, more or less. they’re usually a lot more connected, but y’know, it’s a tutorial and I’ll probably just fix them as I go along. also I didn’t use a sketch so that’s something.

flat colors and a couple lineart adjustments. cool, cool. danganronpa colors are like really desaturated and all the characters kind of look like ghosts (ironically). to add to the authenticity, make the colors look as much like the in-game colors as possible. kokichi’s character art makes him look like he has highlights, so I gave him those rather than just solid purple hair.

ugh okay first you have to shade it before you do anything else give me a second

THERE it’s kind of sloppy but it’ll have to do

you’re probably going to want to use a shadow with a cold color to go with the desaturated colors. I used that color you can see in the color palette in the corner because that’s more or less my default. since this is a stylistic imitation tutorial and not a coloring tutorial I won’t go into detail about how I shaded it and how I use clipping masks to color. just have a time, man.

the most important thing, naturally, is the eyes. danganronpa’s just got this eye thing going on. now let’s actually get down to business.

first, color the outline of the eye with a color somewhat darker than your eye color like so:

oh god I have to move his pupils

okay take a lighter color that you probably also stole from a ref and saturated somewhat and THROW that circle in there

congrats. you have danganronpa eyes.

you’re going to want to make sure that the eyes are pretty even. like, the circle inside is in line with the outline, and the pupil is in the dead center of that circle. otherwise the eyes are probably gonna look pretty wonky. I had to move his pupils for a reason. you’re gonna have to pay close attention to what direction the iris is facing.

next order of business, the ‘hair shiny’. see, this was a weird thing for me to incorporate because I hadn’t done this since I was like 14 and I have a knee jerk reaction to it, but anime be like that.

fwoop

this color is actually very close to the one I used for the circles in the eyes, just more blue-shifted. you’re not just going to leave it like that, though.

set it to add (glow) at 20% opacity and you’re good to go. (I don’t remember what the photoshop/sai equivalents are). I erased lines in it because I’m extra, but you don’t have to do that if you don’t want. you can mess with the effects on this part because I’m pretty sure I made it much less visible than the danganronpa style does.

now, the BIGGEST thing you can do besides the eyes is probably the texture, since we’re imitating the character art style.

you’re going to need a small checkered texture. like, this blinding abomination.

ow. fortunately, we’re changing the opacity REALLY low so it’s not going to hurt to look at. if you’re using clip studio paint like me, it comes with textures built into it. color a whole area and click the button with the checkers on it that you see on the top right.

it should cover your canvas with blinding chaos and your eyes will start screaming. before you go blind, make sure it’s set to a checkered style and navigate to the ‘layer’ tab at the top and hit rasterize to turn it into a normal layer. now that it’s a normal layer, changing the opacity will only make the colors lighter, rather than change the texture itself (that’s a thing that happens).

anyway, turn your opacity ALL the way down to 10% and set it to soft light, and your canvas will go from looking like this monstrosity…

… to this!

okay you actually can barely see that at all with this crappy screenshot without leaning super close to your screen. look, it’s THERE, I promise.

next you’re gonna wanna find a rugged texture of some kind. like, gritty paper or something. I have this one texture that I use a LOT and have been using it since before I even played danganronpa. put it below the first texture layer, turn the opacity down a whole bunch and just mess around with it, honestly. in that picture that I drew the other day, I have it set to vivid light at 15% opacity, but honestly, you can just see what works for you.

now it looks like this! again, this probably isn’t super visible because of the image size, but you’ll see.

now give me a second to add the rest of my shading that has nothing to do with the danganronpa style.

yeah!!! if you’re wondering what I did, I threw on what could be described as “cloudy shading” because you basically just toss on a whole bunch of airbrushing in the color of the shadow in one layer and a bunch of airbrushed lighting in another. it smooths out the drawing a lot and gives the coloring a lot more variety! it’s pretty serotonin-producing, honestly. (thank you tobin for teaching me basic color theory so my shading/lighting looks better)

oh yeah, I also added just a bit of a purple hue to the lineart to go with kokichi’s whole purple aesthetic. changing lineart color doesn’t always work, especially when drawing characters with different color themes, but it did work this time around, probably because it’s just kokichi.

here’s the close-up!

[kashuan]

All right, there are quite a few things that come to mind with a question as broad as this, so here’s my best attempt to sum up what character design means to me in like 5 minutes :,D. I’m going to start with a few very quick sketches that talk about more my general approach to drawing, but I’m going to build up to how it all connects with character.

Step 1) Find reference! Whenever you can, use reference, it will always make your character’s posing look 100 times more genuine than anything you can pull from your brain, and that’s nothing to feel bad about. It’s not cheating because we’re not stopping at Step 2 either, which is where the misnomer comes in that you’re just ‘copying’ (protip: even step 2 isn’t a straight Copy; as long as you’re not tracing, you’re not copying, and even tracing has its uses for personal studies). I could do a whole answer of it’s own about picking your reference, but I’ll keep it short by saying: not every reference will fit every character. Keep in mind your character’s attitude when choosing your ref. Some poses are so generic they’re one size fits all, but even this very simple pose has unique character to it. The way the legs are posed, to me, gives it a young and girlish feeling, and depending how you played with the expression, you could even make it come off shy. An overbearingly confident character, while also taking an arms crossed pose, will likely position their legs differently, assuming a stance that takes up more space, etc.

Step 2) Draw pretty much exactly what you see first, but keep it simple. Think of the body like individual shapes; anatomy is not the focus right now, and you’ll actually hinder yourself if you hone in on that first. What you want to do at this stage is capture what the pose is generally doing; character isn’t involved yet Step 3) Now, working off 2′s framework, start considering body type. If you skip the previous step, you might have a hard time capturing the gesture correctly, since it’s a lot for your brain to juggle at once. When I sketched these two different body types, I built it straight off the first drawing, erasing lines as needed.

So the first image includes some extremely basic body type variations, this one pushes that idea further. 1 is the basic frame from the last image, while 2 is about playing with proportions. There are a lot of ways you can play with proportions, and as I’ll come to sound like a broken record about: make those decisions thoughtfully. For example, when I made this version shorter than the reference base, I had to consider exactly where I wanted her to lose that height. Here, I made her shorter waisted, took a little length from the legs, and gave her a squatter neck as well. You can do one of these or all of them. Just keep in mind those are all individual options. Letting your train of thought stop at ‘this character is short/tall so I’m just going to generally shrink/stretch their body’ means you’ll run out of variety pretty fast, and sometimes the overall proportions can end up looking wonky (though there’s always exceptions to the rule, remember that the individual body parts should remain correctly scaled in relation to each other). Image 3 is another approach to proportional manipulation, except rather than focusing on height, it focuses on fat distribution and to a lesser extent bone structure. Again, there’s so many individual places you can focus on here, make sure to mix them up. Arm size, shoulder broadness, chest and hip size, leg thickness and musculature, foot and hand size and so forth.   Image 4 is a further exaggeration of image 3 and the lines have started to get a little more stylized. While image 3 is still reasonably realistic, 4 is just starting to cross into cartoon territory. Advantage of 4 is that when you are able to push the proportions further due to the leniency of style, you can sell a clearer idea and a clearer character. Downside is, well, it looks more cartoonish now, and depending on the needs of your image that might not be what you want ie: it can look like a mistake rather than a purposeful choice if everyone else around the character is drawn more realistically.

Also… I see variations on this general advice quite a lot for women, but don’t forget about doing the same for men. It’s great to see how eager a lot of artists are to experiment with the female form that is simply absent in a lot of mainstream media, but I find that men really tend to fall by the wayside here even though they often get equally shallow treatment in the mainstream. There’s usually like 2-3 ‘go-to’ body types for men and that’s it. Men’s bodies can have the exact same amount of variety as a woman’s, including the individual ways the fat can be distributed on it, and the assorted ways their proportions can be played with. Whenever I find an artist that does this it’s like striking gold to me tbh. 

So there’s some very rough hows. But, perhaps even more importantly than any of that, is WHY you make these choices. This is going to get a little stream of consciousness, but with a question this broad, I tried to hit on as many general points I could think of in regard to my own process.

-When I start to design a character, I really need to have an understanding of them first. This includes things like backstory, personality, habits, so and so forth… Yes, all of this stuff shows up in their design, even if it’s just a drawing of them standing straight up. This isn’t just like ‘this character got this scar at age 7 so I need to know where it goes′, I mean in depth info about them. I touched on this a little bit earlier, bringing up the different ways a character would assume the same general pose, but let me expand on that. -What do I mean by personality? So there’s the most obvious answer, which is that a bubbly character will assume bubbly poses, a sullen character will slouch more, etc… But let’s take it further than that. This is a concept I’ve touched on in past tutorials, but here’s a quick recap. A character’s personality involves their opinions, for one; how do you make that show up in their design? Well, one of the most obvious questions I always ask myself is: what is their opinion on their own appearance (the thing we are drawing)/how do they want to be perceived by others? Consider a strong character. I see a lot of artists who take this thought as far as: okay, this character is strong, so I’m gonna throw a 6 pack on him, maybe a nice pair of guns, and call it a day. Which leads to like, nice art, but also...kind of bland? I think that’s because this is a rather half-baked approach. How can we take it further? Ask yourself more specific questions. Is your strong character concerned with being perceived as an ‘ideal’ sort of fit by others (the type you give that showy 6 pack to) or does that not matter to them? (more likely to look ‘chubby’ if not outright fat, though probably is just as if not more capable of actually doing some real heavy lifting than saran wrapped abs man). If they’re some kind of mystical being that can look like whatever they want (ie: the anime waif that can also lift 1000 lbs-trope), you should still take into account their personal perspective on appearance. Don’t just stop at ‘this guy/girl is strong so they’ll look super shredded’ or ‘they’re magic so I’ll do whatever’. Doing this, you’ve instantly lost a chance to inform the audience more about the individual there beyond ‘they’re strong’ -Break it down further with their habits. What is their daily life like? If they’re running ten miles every day they should probably have some strong looking legs. If their job involves a lot of lifting, maybe focus on the upper body more and leave the legs less defined. Do they eat a lot? Or drink? The way the fat distributes in both these cases will be noticeably different (and this isn’t even taking into account points like an endomorph vs an ectomorphs body, which I always suggest reading up on). I’d definitely recommend drawing as many different body types as you can just as studies, in order to add these variations to your mental library. I’m sure every artist has seen this popular athlete line up by now, but really study images like this. Don’t just mindlessly copy what you see when you create your own characters though; think about why those athletes have the bodies they have, what they specifically did to get them like that, and how that can apply to your character’s own life. -One thing that has always bothered me is how often artists are afraid to use the head (not the features; I’ll get to that in a second) as an extension of the body when it comes to imbuing it with variety and character. While it is absolutely possible to have a thin face and a fat body (as is any combo), it’s another missed opportunity not to experiment with chubby cheeks, a soft jawline, etc. It’s a cliche to mention him at this point as an inspiration, but one of my very favorite things about Mucha’s art was how he was able to make fuller faces look so beautiful despite being a rather nontraditional approach (so many art books try to tell you this is a big NO). example, example. These faces actually look like real individuals to me than a drawing that focuses too hard on being generically aesthetically pleasing. -So, facial features. A face with less traditional features isn’t just going to be more memorable than Stock Beautiful Face #73, but it’s basically a more zoomed in version of informing the audience about the character in the same way the body does. -Know tropes, play with tropes, do not rely on tropes. Sunken bone structure, long features-guy will always pretty much read like a villain (or at least someone off-putting), but find somewhere to make the formula your own. Give him thicker eyebrows or big ears. Give the girl with the standard doll-face a nose that sticks out a little more prominently or a crooked smile. -Speaking of are so many different ways to draw a smile, do not underestimate the mileage you can get out of this one feature alone. Artists tend to have a favorite way to draw smiles, in my experience, but remember your character. Would they have a big toothy grin, a handsome ‘cool’ looking smile, a small shy lopsided one, ones that touch the eyes, ones that don’t… This is probably a repetitive point by now but just do whatever you can not to draw the exact same feature on two different characters, and make sure to think through your reasoning for every choice you make. To me, it’s always immediately evident if an artist really knows their character or if they’re just trying to make something aesthetically pleasing. The former is always more attention grabbing in my opinion. -One of my favorite things to consider when designing a character who’s part of a family: genetics and how you can play with them to inform the audience more about the character’s story. Does this character take after their mother or father? How? Why? Why why, you might ask? This isn’t a photo of a real person, this is an illustration that you should be making deliberate choices about every step along the way. It’s one thing to draw a character that looks like their parent simply because logic dictates they should, another to make meaningful decisions as to where and why they do. Some examples: He has his father’s eyes because they carry the same intensity and other characters are a little put off by him because it (conversely, maybe he’s such a gentle character that this detail stands out twice as strongly). He has the same hair as his father, but he styles it differently to avoid the association. She has her mother’s nose which everyone compliments her on so shes happy to be seen in profile. She has her father’s broad shoulders and she’s a little self conscious about it so she tends to wear baggier clothing. Etc etc! In all these cases, you can communicate these details through even a simple drawing of the character standing alone, and should try to as often as you can. -In the end, the only way you’re going to know how to draw all these different details, whether they be different body types or different facial features, is by studying real people. Draw as many different kinds as you can, add them to your mental library. Your reference will never give you everything you need to work it, and I’m not sure if that’s maybe what this question as getting at-- if I have a reference folder of go-to ‘types’ or something. I don’t. I have a folder of poses labeled with characters I think they’d fit, and that’s about it. If you’re just imitating what you see in a photo, you’ll always be drawing That Person, not Your Character. So you are going to have to pull some of it out of your brain. Note, however, the important difference between just ‘making it up’ and recalling information you’ve studied in the past. That said, while on this last topic of expanding your mental library, that includes not just doing studies, but also learning and observing the ways other accomplished artists work. Here are some of my book recommendations when it comes to those which have most helped me in regard to this particular subject. This includes books that specifically tell you how to vary your body types, but also ones that just have a lot of examples of different kinds: Morpho: Anatomy for Artists Morpho: Fat and Skin Folds Famous Artists School Course in Illustration and Design (If anyone is interested in this one and has trouble finding a non $500 copy, hit me up and I’ll help you out) Spirit of the Pose Anatomy Lessons from the Great Masters Drawing People: How to Portray the Clothed Figure Figures from Life (my favorite currently; not the most varied array of figures but he goes in depth on how to successfully grow an academic study of a model into an illustration influenced by your own ideas and personal style) If you found this answer helpful, although it isn’t specifically about character design, I go a little more in depth about some of the topics I briefly covered here (such as choosing the right reference, good vs bad reference in general, honing in on shapes, pushing the pose, etc) in this short book of mine :>

[kaiowut99]

Phew, finally finished re-finalizing my finalized GX stuff so far!

Over the last few weeks well I guess months--initially while I waited for some potential editing help for 65, then [once I canned the last fix I’d planned; sorry to those I may have slightly annoyed with my casual reblogs about it] just to get it all done while in Rome before double-releasing 65 and 66--I’ve been giving my scripts one final look-through to fix any consistency or formatting issues with my newer stuff (things like my starting to use “Fusion Undone” as De-Fusion’s translated name before accidentally going back to “Fusion Cancel” or turning “Miss Asuka” back to “Asuka-san” since I’d meant to use that whenever “Asuka-sama” was used, or the way I’d italicize contractions or capitalize things), and also to sort of go and do things I should’ve done initially (like translating Daitokuji’s nyas into meows, the logic being that it’s what we’d hear in English anyway; hopefully this is one that goes over well?).  Basically just to cross them off my list so I don’t go back to them at all.  The plan is also to work on new finalized MKV softsubs that I’ll release on NAC for those who’d like ‘em, since Zeratul (who’d provided them before) hasn’t in a long while, and once I do them for 1-66, they’ll be a thing going forward.

While I was at it, I applied some other animation/footage fixes to things I hadn’t picked up on in my initial finalizing run-through as I started doing them, or polished a couple that I did.  Some might wonder “why put in the effort for quick shots or at all no one cares,” but as I’ve mentioned before, as someone who loves GX with some [I think good?] skills using Photoshop/video editing and an eye for detail, I figured if I have time to improve it for people (especially those who might notice the same errors I did) where the staff didn’t take the chance to do so on the DVDs (where they usually would), then why not? (I was actually inspired to do it by KaiserNeko doing the same for DBZ during DBZ Abridged.) The fixes I work on are done for both my hardsubs and the DVDRips I release with the scripts over on NAC, and there’s a thread there with the original DVDRips I work off of as well, in case anyone doesn’t like them (most/all of my finalized Season 1 scripts were re-timed for them by someone there, but I’ll take some time out to do it myself too now that I’ve re-finalized them), along with the CR subs which I’ve said should be shown love too.  I’ll list these new fixes out below by each episode, for anyone super curious about the details; some are kind of interesting, lol. (Did my best to format it so it’s readable, too, lol.)

So, yeah--keep an eye out for the links to actually-final 1-64 on my stream masterpost to be updated along with 65 and 66 once I post them (probably tomorrow), I’ll be updating the links in my NAC thread to the hardsubs and scripts I’ve re-finalized along with any DVDRips updated with the fixes below, and as I get work going on 67+ (which I’ve started a bit of) I’ll work on batches of the softsub MKVs for folks.  For people looking forward to my 65 and 66, really appreciate the patience the past couple of months; hoping to work on some double-releases to make up some time.

Extra-Final Fixes!

Episode 4 (Since I didn’t include a list of the previous fixes I’d worked on in the original release post, I’ll include those here in italics; the new ones here were mainly noticed as I worked on 66 given the flashback to Judai and Manjoume’s duel here--the edits were applied there first, then I went back and applied them here. The fixes I’d already done were applied to the flashback in 66 as needed.)

As Judai takes damage from Clayman’s destruction by VW-Tiger Catapult, Judai’s LP start counting down from 3808 and not 4000; I fixed it in Sony Vegas by masking in a LP counter starting from 4000 for a few frames.

As Judai prods Manjoume into choosing a card from his hand for A Hero Appears’s effect, Manjoume’s part of a split-screen has part of his blazer semi-faded for a frame; I corrected it by just duplicating a later frame.

As Judai’s LP take a hit from V-to-Z destroying Burstlady, there are four frames where the upper part of his Disk is missing the bottom part that extends out--but it shows up in the next frame, which also causes Judai’s Disk wrist grip to vanish for the rest of the shot before Shou’s split-screen comes on, as the parts of his arm for it are colored like his jacket sleeve.  To fix the first issue, I used Photoshop to draw on that bottom part in that first frame, then masked it into the shot in Sony Vegas for the other three frames.  The second issue I fixed by recoloring his sleeve to account for the wrist grip, then masking the edit into the shot while masking the little destroyed Solid Vision bits above the edit.

Had a few things going on here.  First, after Manjoume mocks Judai being wide open just after the above, we have one of many recycled shots through the episode where Judai insists that he’s still got fight in him--the initial frame has Judai in the same position as edit #3 ends with his wrist grip missing, but it reappears as he moves to stand firm while the shading on the lefthand side of his Disk’s Cemetery slot is wonky for a couple of frames.  Second, as Judai moves back into his initial position, that shading is normal but the wrist grip again disappears into his sleeve, and this time that bottom bit of his Disk’s upper part is colored as part of Judai’s sleeve, making his arm shorter.  Third, as Judai moves to draw, the wrist grip reappears and that bottom part is now colored properly, but Judai’s arm isn’t extended like it was at the start of the shot. Finally, as Judai draws, the wrist grip is there but that whole part of his wrist is colored like it (no red noting the end of his jacket sleeve).  I fixed the first issue by copying the wrist grip edit from #3 and copying the moving Cemetery slot shading from the second part here.  The second issue was fixed once I again copied the wrist grip edit from #3, along with using the initial frame to mask in the correct Disk/forearm coloring.  Then, I fixed the third issue by copying the rest of the area below the Disk’s bottom bit from the later shot in edit #7 below where it was colored correctly.  I fixed the last issue by recoloring the first wrist grip curve into red for the end of Judai’s jacket sleeve for five frames.

As Manjoume’s V-to-Z aims directly at Judai, as he discards two to activate Evolutionary/Transcendant Wings, the Winged Kuriboh on his Disk is in Attack Mode when it’s in Defense on the field; I blanked its Monster Zone in Photoshop and then added a Winged Kuriboh proxy in AfterEffects correctly in Defense Mode.

As Judai swings his arm around telling Winged Kuriboh LV10 to “send all that energy right back” at Manjoume, the spot on his Disk where Winged Kuriboh LV10 appears for a few frames is colored like the Monster Zone it’s on; I just applied a Winged Kuriboh LV10 proxy above it for those frames.

Again, a few things here as we recycle the Judai shot in edit #4 (but he’s smiling so it’s different~). First, after Manjoume mocks Judai’s idea of him drawing a 1000-ATK-or-higher Monster to finish him, the initial frame of this shot is pulled from just before Judai moves to draw in edit #4 because the wrist grip is missing along with the bottom bit of his Disk being colored like his jacket.  Then, as Judai moves to draw and grabs a card from his deck, as his Disk arm swings upward for a few frames, the wrist grip area is first 90% colored like his sleeve, with half of the first curve of it on his sleeve colored like the grip, before it’s fully colored like his sleeve for the other frames.  Finally, as Judai fully draws and his Disk swings back to the bottom of the shot (recycling Judai’s position post-draw in edit #4), the wrist grip is gone, but also Judai’s undershirt is miscolored, part of the folds on Judai’s jacket sleeve near his elbow are colored like his Disk, and his Disk is miscolored or missing a few details compared to the earlier shot (like the bottom side of the blue LP orb being colored blue as well and not the Disk’s gray as before).  I fixed the first issue by copying the fixed initial frame from edit #4, masking it in Vegas to just use the Disk/wrist grip area.  The second issue was fixed as I recolored the wrist grip area such that the first curve was fully red and the rest was wrist-grip-colored for the three frames of Judai’s Disk arm going upward.  I fixed the third issue by just masking in Judai’s Disk and arm (up to the edge of his wrist) from the earlier correctly-colored shot, while also masking in his correctly-colored undershirt.

As Judai summons Featherman--to Shou and Chronos’s surprise--and has him lunge at Manjoume for the finisher, the black faraway box that is Featherman on his Disk disappears as Shou and Chronos slide in on a split-screen, and it’s still gone as they slide back out.  I fixed this in Vegas by just masking that black box on to stay longer, masking in Shou’s split-screen over it before and after it slides in.

Episode 8 (Original release post; as with episode 4′s, these new errors were mainly noticed as I worked on 66 given the flashback to Judai and Ryou’s duel here--the edits were applied there first, then I went back and applied them here.  The fixes I made before were applied to the flashback in 66, as well.)

After Judai thinks about how well Ryou played his first move, he draws Fusion for his turn, but as he draws it, it’s a dark-orange rectangle in his hand; I added a Fusion proxy over it in AfterEffects for the quick 2-3 frames it’s in.

After Judai’s first hit on him, Ryou draws and Special-Summons another Cyber Dragon, but visually he’s playing a Monster in face-down Defense Mode on his second Monster Zone--we see this Cyber Dragon in Zone 3 a few shots later as he uses Revival of the Dead to bring back his first Cyber Dragon.  The dub fixed this by making his Disk arm move such that Ryou’s hand lands on Zone 3, with the card in his hand a dubified Cyber Dragon, and I opted to work that into the footage here by masking their moving Disk over the original shot in Vegas, redoing the sky background behind it and masking in parts of Ryou and his hand to make it blend well while also adding some detail to the Disk in Photoshop to compensate for the slightly lower quality.  Then, I replaced the dubified card with a Japanese Cyber Dragon proxy in AE.  I worked on this in 66 first (as highlighted here), but I unfortunately couldn’t just copy that edit completely here, since the footage in 66 has a bit more brightness/contrast to it that I couldn’t dial down accurately to make it blend in to the darker footage here; this is definitely the kind of error that would normally be fixed on the Japanese DVDs, so why it wasn’t is a mystery.

As the screen zooms in on Judai after Ryou declares Cyber Twin’s attack, he’s missing Thunder Giant on his Disk’s third Monster Zone; I added a proxy onto it in AE and masked the red bulb on his Disk over it in Vegas.  It’s tiny and a quick shot, but for consistency’s sake and all. (I’d previously only added that missing Thunder Giant as it zooms out while he activates A Hero Appears).

As Judai thinks about how Evolutionary Wings would evolve his Winged Kuriboh and the screen fades and zooms out to Bubbleman on his field, he’s missing Bubbleman on his Disk in his third Monster Zone.  I added it in AE, then keyframed this zoom-out for it accordingly in Vegas.

Right after #4 above, as Judai notes that he can’t Normal-Summon again this turn, we see Mudballman--which he hasn’t summoned yet--in Defense Mode on his Disk.  When I first fixed this, I put Bubbleman in its place, but accidentally in Defense Mode (given that he’s in Attack Mode right now), so I fixed my own correction by blanking the third Monster Zone Mudballman was on and slapping Bubbleman on in Attack Mode in AE, moving it along with Judai’s Disk. (Still not sure why the dub decided Mudballman = VW Catapult or something apparently lol)

Episode 10 (Original release post listing the original two fixes that were done)

After Mei draws out his Sanga thanks to Kyuu’s Dark Designator card, during the panning shot as Mei adds it to his hand (before they tell Judai and Shou they’ll enlighten them about Tag Dueling), the Defense-Mode Burstlady on Judai’s Disk is shown reversed; I just applied a proxy in AfterEffects on top of it so it was correctly shown with the name box facing left.

After summoning Steam Gyroid, as Shou notes that summoning Hyuga left Kyuu without a defending Monster, the above shot is recycled--this time, reversed so it pans from Shou to Judai, but also has Judai react to what Shou’s saying--and so is the error with Burstlady on his Disk.  Again, just applied a proxy in AE to fix it, moving it as Judai moves his Disk.

As Shou looks down in disappointment after his Steam Gyroid’s attack ran into Hyuga’s effect, Judai turns to give him some words of encouragement, but as his Disk moves with him, we see the Defense-Mode Burstlady on his Disk again facing the wrong way.  Just slapped a proxy on in AE and moved it as Burstlady’s Zone came into view.

After Gate Guardian destroys Shou’s Steam Gyroid, as Chronos watches on and notes Shou’s timidity vs Judai’s stubbornness while the two look on at the Meikyuu Brothers, we see the Defense-Mode Burstlady on Judai’s Disk facing the wrong way again.  Fixed it by placing the proxy again in AE, then zooming it out accordingly as the shot zooms out.

After Mei sets a card and Judai prepares to draw for his turn, there’s a yellow rectangle where his Defense-Mode Burstlady should be.  Applied a proxy in AE over it to fix the issue.

Episode 11  (Original release post listing the original fixes that were done)

As Kyuu draws once Judai sets a card to end his turn using Spark Gun on Gate Guardian, the spot on his Disk where Defense Wall in Defense Mode would be has an Attack-Mode-shaped hole where you can see the blue of the stands behind him! I fixed it by making a Defense Wall proxy that I slapped on in Defense Mode in AfterEffects, moving it with his Disk.  For the tail end of the shot where the Zone is fully visible, I also filled in the hole with the Zone color in Photoshop and then applied the proxy.

As Shou declares Gate Guardian the target of his Shield Crush, the card back for the one card in his hand is miscolored.  I fixed it by redrawing the usual card back in Photoshop for the frames it’s in, Gaussian Blurring it so it blends in, before he turns and they’re out of the shot.

After Mei ends his turn having attacked Drillroid with Dark Guardian amused at Shou’s standing back up thanks to Judai, as Judai draws for his turn, his face-down card is miscolored. I recolored it in Photoshop for the few frames it’s in, working it into the footage in Vegas.

After Judai draws from Pot of Greed after the above, he goes on to activate Fusion Gate, but Sparkman on his Disk is reversed; I applied a proxy in AE facing upright, then keyframed it to the zoom-out here in Vegas.

As Judai realizes he’ll need to give up Skyscraper so Tempester can survive Dark Guardian’s attack, the Tempester card on his Disk is reversed; I applied a proxy in AE facing upright, then keyframed it to the zoom-out here in Vegas.

As Judai and Shou reel from the above attack once Kyuu ends his turn, Shou has a Normal Monster card where Drillroid would be on his Disk.  I fixed it by slapping on a proxy in AE for the couple of frames it’s visible in before Shou moves his Disk so it’s not onscreen.

I polished my edit to Misawa to keep his sideburns still in episode 12 and added it to the equivalent shot in the preview here.

Episode 12 (Original release post listing the original fixes that were done)

As noted in 11′s #7, I polished my original fix to Misawa’s moving sideburns as a buffed-up Hell Soldier took out his Hydroggedon so it blended in more with the smoke and everything going on in the shot; looks better now.

As Manjoume declares Hell Burner’s attack on Misawa, there are two quick frames where it’s a yellow rectangle on his Disk; I applied a Hell Burner proxy in AE accordingly.

Episode 18 (Original release post listing the original fixes that were done)

After Kagurazaka brings back Berfomet to take the hit from Thunder Giant and he starts his turn, as he activates Reincarnation of the Dead, there’s a quick frame where it shrinks in his hand as the shot zooms out--I fixed this by just duplicating the frame just before where it’s normal.

After Kagurazaka summons the Gazelle he added to his hand above, he then activates Swords of Sealing Light, but there’s a quick frame where it’s just a yellow shape in his hand.  Easy fix by slapping a proxy in AE.

Episode 30 (Original release post listing the original fixes that were done)

As Shou and Hayato realize they’re no longer being boiled alive, Hayato audibly asks, “Huh? Where are we?”, but his lips only move for the “Huh?” part of that as he lifts his head.  To fix this, I used the couple of flaps as he lifts his head and tweaked/resized them so they would work after his head’s lifted, adjusted to fit his line.

Episode 31 (Original release post listing the original fixes that were done)

As Chronos sets a card down after Camula brings out another Immortal Werewolf, Antique Gear Soldier on his Disk is shown as a Normal Monster Card; I originally fixed this by slapping on a proxy in AfterEffects while the shot was still, then keyframe-zooming it out in Vegas, but at the time, I didn’t account for Chronos’s swinging arm, so the card was superimposed over his hand for a frame or two as it swung over that Zone.  I’ve masked his hand over my edit now, so that’s fixed.

Episode 38 (Original release post listing the original fixes that were done)

After Judai summons Wildman in Defense Mode to start the duel and the lights suddenly go out (prompting the “duel of darkness/duel in the seas” mixup...), we see Wildman’s in Attack Mode on the field despite its Defense posture.  I fixed it by applying a proxy there, then masking Wildman’s lower body and the shadow coming from his sheathed sword on top of it.

Episode 46 (Original release post listing the original fixes that were done)

As Judai reminisces about the past year, he flashes back to his duel with Ryou in episode 8 and his Featherman being vaporized by Cyber Dragon; I added back the fix I did to Judai’s Disk in removing his destroyed Featherman for the few frames it’s onscreen.  Because the flashback fades to white right then too, I also added a quick mostly-transparent layer of white over the blanked zone to replicate the start of the fade to white so it blended in.

As Judai then looks over at Shou and Hayato and he remembers his first encounters with them (a bit reanimated, too), there’s a quick frame where Hayato’s gritted-teeth mouth disappears before it closes into a line for his mouth.  Fixed by just reusing a frame of his mouth in the same position and moved it into place in the panning shot.

Episode 51 (Original release post listing the original fixes that were done)

As Ryou notes that Judai’s studied up on him by choosing to go second, Judai slides in on a split-screen, but the top of his hair’s miscolored.  Fixed by recoloring it in Photoshop, then working it into the footage in Vegas by moving it into place as he slides in.

As Ryou uses Time Capsule to hide away his Fusion Undone/De-Fusion for later and Judai thinks back to his move in episode 8 leading to his activating Power Bond, I added back my fix to Ryou’s Disk to add on his missing two Cyber Dragons and the one Cyber Dragon in his hand, grayscaling it and adding visual noise to it to blend with the flashback.

Episode 54 (Original release post listing the original fixes that were done)

After Chronos pins his hopes on Manjoume, as Gokaido draws for his turn, we see an error where his Disk apparently partially vanishes for two movement frames--it seems the animation staff forgot to put the background layer behind his Disk there or something, lol.  I fixed this by actually filling in the rest of his Disk in Photoshop for those two frames, first by filling in the Disk itself and then painting on the rest of the Monster Zone at the edge of the frame, and then just added them to the video in Vegas.

Episode 59 (Original release post listing the original fixes that were done)

After Shining Flare Wingman returns while Ed explains Misfortune’s effect, of the D-Heroes on his Duel Disk, we see Diamondguy and Diehardguy reversed.  I originally slapped on proxies for them positioned correctly in AfterEffects on the frame after the slow zoom-out stops, then in Vegas I used that frame to re-do the initial zoom-out, but while I usually add a slight blur to the proxies, I noticed that they were a bit too blurry as the zoom-out started.  So I redid it and lightened the blur, while also touching up the bit as Misfortune’s light envelops Ed and his Disk so the light over them blends in more.

Episode 62 (Original release post, though I didn’t do any fixes before)

As Judai uses Dandylion’s effect to summon his two Fluff Tokens, Cocoon Dolphina--visually in Defense Mode on the field--is in Attack Mode on Judai’s Disk in the panning shot to them.  I fixed it by first blanking the Zone in Photoshop, then placing a proxy in the Zone for one frame in AfterEffects before I re-panned that frame for the shot.

[tm87lord]

hii first i love love love your art, 2nd may i ask how you picked up anatomy? ive been trying a lot but i cant seem to get it right, any tips?? thank you have a nice day!!! stay safe :)

hellloooo thank you so much for sending me this aaaa!!!! thank you for the support always!!! hope you don’t mind me publishing this since i publish all my non-anon asks that have any tips and tricks in case it helps more people 

also!!!! sorry this took a while to answer, it took a while for me to find the words and the doodles :( again also! this ended up being longer than expected...so i’ll put it under a read more just to avoid cluttering timelines! i’m not the best of teachers, but i really hope it helps! (if not, you can always send another message! i’m always happy to chat!) stay safe and have a great day too!!!!!

so the only ‘formal’ anatomy studies i’ve done (and still use) were from highschool where we learn the standard body proportions using heads, where the elbows rest, where hands rest and so on. the fundamentals so to speak—i won’t go too into this since this only provides the very basics of knowing whether something looks “off” or not (but you can read more (and see visual examples) about this here!).

i think what’s more effectively helped me improve anatomy lately is going out of my comfort zone and trying more dynamic poses? to me, when you try those, the fact that something looks kinda strange is easier to notice (since the mistakes aren’t very subtle), and from there it’s a matter of tweaking things here and there until it looks good enough to you!

at first i did this by of course looking up free poses like stock photos, but after a while i started taking my own reference photos! since it’s my own body, it felt easier to know what should go where to me? of course this still has its problems, namely, i draw a lotta big tall buff (the list goes on) jojo men, and i am but a puny woman next to their big ole anime physiques. but at least when i take photos of myself i can estimate what muscles should be bulked up for the character and adjust accordingly!

of course i can also understand if it might be uncomfortable for some to use their own body as reference, in which case using editorial photoshoots and magazines can also help out with more outlandish posing (to take a page straight outta Araki’s book), and of course you can always ask pals, use those little figurine dolls, or use some posing software (personally i’ve got no grasp of any of those, so posing for myself is the easiest for me!)  i also think simplifying the body into standard shapes helps a lot! i tried to find and doodle on my wip sketches of art i’ve posted that best showcases my process, so i hope these help! i think the most important thing to note is how even the more difficult things like hands and fingers can be simplified into basic shapes that make lining them easier!

(also disclaimer: i really do not know how muscles work, usually i just put something on the page and it looks wonky, i look at my own arm for a bit just to see where a muscle should go, then i simplify it as much as possible into ovals and so on!)

after i’ve done a nicer looking sketch, i usually overlay a quick stick figure so i can see the most bare skeleton almost of my work, just to see if it looks proportionate enough in accordance to the whole basic proportion method i linked earlier! i also flip the canvas, like, a lot. i think it’s easier to spot mistakes like that! i think that’s the gist of how i managed to get better with anatomy since starting my jjba fanart! i think it also helps that the nature of the series includes all this wild posing anyway, so i felt the need to emulate that fun nature in my work! at the end of the day, it’s just lotsa practice and having fun just producing anything, really. i know i said this already but i seriously hoped this help wuugghggh if you made it this far thank you for reading hope you have a great day!!!!

tldr: try dynamic or outlandish poses just for fun! make your own reference photos! simplify shapes! draw stick figures! also flip the canvas to check for mistakes i suppose?

[minamimotonagi]

An Equation Called “Love”

Nagi is starting off her college days at Realground college. She wouldn't have expected her first day to become a major plot-twist to her life.

(Warning: This fan-fiction may contain spoilers for the first 'The World Ends With You' game and may contain 'NEO The World Ends With You' spoilers up until the demo. If you don't want spoilers for either of those two sources, you are reading at your own discretion.

This is the Safe For Work version of this fan-fiction. 

This fan-fiction is wholly interpretations of how they would interact.)

Originally posted to ArchiveOfOurOwn account ZettaCute. 

Chapter 1: Realground College 

The woman with medium length purple hair half tied into twin tails held up by green ribbons rushed out the door. It was her first day of college today. The badges in her itabag made small clashing metal noises as she ran with a piece of toast in her mouth to the building.

Huff... Huff...

There she had ended up after a ten minute rush. She didn't want to be late for the first day.

This was it. Realground College.

Chapter 2: First Class, Introduction To Animation

Nagi whispered motivational speech to herself, inspired by what her favourite character would usually say. She was more than likely imagining him cheering her on in her head at this point.

The college building she entered had a huge doorway which until she looked up, didn't even seem to have a top to it. Its exterior and interior were like nothing she had ever seen before. Exterior-wise, it was fashioned to be intricate. An eye-pleaser. Interior wise, the building was spacious. Filled with many new students getting ready for their first day of either college or their course.

"Lord of the educational system, accept my power!" Nagi exclaimed. Her anime badges jingled with her pointing pose, legs spread wide as if she had just asked to be taken on an adventure quest. The tutor in front of her blankly stared at the purple haired woman.

"Um... What's your name... Ma'am...?" The tutor asked in surprise at the interaction. He scratched at his bald head which was covered by an old-fashioned cap on the top.

"Villainess Nagi of the special ward of Tokyo, Shibuya!" She announced eccentrically. Some heads had already turned towards the bizarre woman.

"...Nagi, right?" He replied after an awkward silence, most likely him trying to figure out what our protagonist, Nagi, had just said. The man pointed to a door to Nagi's right on the other side of the room. "Your classroom." He handed her a planner.

Nagi made her way to the classroom labelled "Animation Studio", shocked to have a dark man go past her and almost knock the plushie key ring off her bag. She stumbled, regaining her balance from the surprise. She sighed when she looked back at the man who had almost took her off her feet. He had mid-length dark brown hair and a dully coloured outfit. He was dark, too. Nagi took out her phone to look at pictures of her anime husbando before her college day started. Was there really someone that perfect out there? She didn't have enough time left to catch up with him. Class would start in a few minutes. Internally she prayed to see that man once again. She needed proof that it wasn't just a mistake from him flashing by her.

The classroom was filled with at least twenty animation students getting ready for their first day. The desks were unit separated work tables with desktop computers installed into them. Nagi sat herself down to a seat, got her equipment out and made herself comfortable. She put a small plushie of her husbando in her work space leaned against the computer 's box which stood next to the monitor. The only other thing on her desk that was already placed there before she came apart from the computer was a drawing tablet, a necessary piece of equipment for an animation student. She was ready for this course! Of course, since she lived in Japan, drawing hot anime men was perfectly acceptable for this course. And she could cope with drawing other things too. At least she got to admire her favourite things, created by her own hands this time.

Fingers clicked in-front of Nagi's zoned out face. Tan fingers. Nagi took a pause.

"-You!" She exclaimed, getting up just to pose and point at this man. It was him! The one who knocked her a little.

"...Zetta weird." The tall tan man replied. Nagi could see it now. This man looked feral.

He was hot.

"I bestow you everything and will even sacrifice my life to you, (CHARACTER NAME)!" Nagi replied back.

... ......

There was awkward silence between the two. Hell, not just between the two. Between the whole room.

"...Who are you, hectopascal?" The man asked, adjusting his wonky lanyard so it's mathematically in place.

"The beautiful villainess known as Nagi of the special ward of Tokyo, Shibuya!" She added an extended emphasis on Shibuya's pronunciation.

"I don't give a digit about the other garbage, Nagi." He replied. "This is my latest masterpiece of a college entry: name's Sho Minamimoto. Call me Minamimoto."

"Almighty lord Minamimoto..." Nagi said with a bit of a higher pitched fangirling noise near to the end of her sentence.

"That's right!" Minamimoto folded his arms proudly.

"That's too loud! Shush!" Said the Animation tutor who had just entered the classroom. "To your seats, please."

Minamimoto sat down at the unit next to Nagi. Most likely, he was originally going to ask if he could sit there. Given the way Nagi had responded, there wasn't any harm for him to take the available seat next to her.

First animation class of the course was an introduction to the course. Nagi looked over to Minamimoto briefly. He rolled his eyes at the screen. It was as if he had listened to this lecture many times before. Nagi brought back her attention to the projector screen in front of her that the tutor was pointing to, reading out and explaining what they would do for the courses projects. Nothing seemed too difficult yet. Nagi felt like this course wasn't going to eat at her easily. She felt ready to take it on. A hot man sitting next to her made it an even better start to the course. She was ready to create art and animation of hot anime men!

Chapter 3: Lunch Break

When it was lunch break after a two hour introduction lecture which had a small fifteen minute break in-between it, Nagi put her equipment and plushie away. She picked up her bag to leave. As she was about to leave, Minamimoto put a hand on her shoulder. She turned around to him. He scratched his head and begun to speak to her.

"Want to crunch some factors?" Minamimoto asked her. Nagi pointed her finger to her mouth, thinking.

"Get lunch?" She asked, making sure that was what he meant. Minamimoto nodded his head.

Nagi and Minamimoto made their way to the cafeteria to get lunch together. They walked side by side, looking like a couple to most people they passed due to Nagi's itabag. Of course they weren't one... Yet. Nagi had her eyes set on this man if he was single. She paused as they were walking.

"Zetta slow." Minamimoto rolled his eyes. "My stomachs ready to crunch some factors." He complained.

"...Sorry." Nagi put on a nervous fake smile. She caught up. Continuing to walk along side the tan man. Minamimoto was looking at her, waiting for her to finish what she was going to say. "Um... Never-mind." She hesitated from saying what she was going to say. Minamimoto shrugged to himself. He kept on walking until they reached the cafeteria counter.

Minamimoto looked at the menu hungrily. He almost drooled at the sweet desserts. Nagi was too busy watching her new friend's reaction to the sweet treats to look at the menu just yet. As he was about to turn around to her, she brought her attention to the menu. She didn't want to make it obvious she had been watching him for a bit. She put a hand on her chin, uttered out a hmm and tried to decide what to have for lunch. She went with a regular enough curry rice that was hard for anyone to mess up. After eyeing a very sweet looking dessert, Minamimoto knew what he wanted.

"You're only having afters?" Nagi asked after ordering a simple curry rice for herself.

"I could crunch some food times two." Minamimoto replied, ordering himself a regular slightly sweet meal and a sickly sweet dessert. Nagi went bleh in an imitation under her breath. Especially when she realised he had also ordered a caramel macchiato with that. It was a fancy cafeteria for a college but that was overboard on sugar levels.

The two ate their meals at an available table with only two chairs assigned to it. They chatted to each other during eating their lunch. While chatting, Nagi took an available moment to ask Minamimoto what she wanted to ask him earlier.

After an amount of awkward stuttering, she finally managed to get it out.

"So," She laughed nervously, eyes turning to look to the side while eyelids drooped on the furthest sides. A timorous smile on her face. "Almighty lord Minamimoto, are you single?" She bit her lip after asking that question, her nervous expression not swept away.

"I have zero equal integers. I'm a single digit." Minamimoto replied. "Why did you want to know the answer to that equation?" He finished speaking.

Nagi rubbed her hand behind her purple hair nervously. She moved her hand so it was playing with the front lengths of her hair. She finally found an appropriate excuse of an answer. It was a slightly slow thought process due to the situation.

"You look like you're popular." Nagi told him.

"Zetta popular." Minamimoto responded. "But you need to recalculate if you think I'm that zetta popular enough to have a equal integer." He was just finishing the last bite of the dessert he had recently moved on to. He was quick at engulfing all of that sweet content down. Nagi nodded, continuing on the conversation like she hadn't asked a question she needed answered. Yes! Her crush was single. His quirky math loving personality only added to her attraction for him. It would be possible for her to also get used to his sweet tooth for food.

[Notes -

 equal integer = a romantic partner]

Chapter 4: Fight

[Notes - 

Spoiler: No, this isn't angsty. Not an actual spoiler but a heads-up for people who aren't a fan of reading angst to not worry. I don't like writing angst that much so you're safe. LOL.]

After they had eaten, it was time to head back to class. They had filled in their decent length of free time with conversation.

As they walked back to the Animation Studio, some guys ganged up around Nagi. The weirdos threw out insults at the short woman who was cowering in fear. Minamimoto came up to them. He beat them up, wiping a small mark of blood off his face when he was done with them. Nagi was in shock at how he had responded to her being ganged up on. In shock but thankful. He was like an anime or game protagonist. She heavily digged it.

"You zetta sons of digits!" He spat. "Leave my coprime integer alone!"

Unfortunately for Minamimoto, a tutor walked into the scene. It was the same old man from earlier. The tutor saw the unconscious students laying on the floor. He shook his head at Minamimoto. He was in deep shit for heavily beating up the students who tried ganging up on Nagi.

"Come with me, Mr. Minamimoto." The tutor said in a stern voice. Minamimoto looked down in shame, expression hard to read thanks to his hat. Nagi followed after. The tutor hadn't realised she followed them all the way to the student support room. He sat Minamimoto down, sighed and sat Nagi down to a chair too.

The tutor laid down paperwork on the table in front of Minamimoto. It was about having a valid reason to not be expulsed from what Nagi could see. She wanted to scream at that moment. Her new friend was about to be kicked out first day?

Nagi couldn't let that happen. Especially not when Minamimoto had a valid reason to not be kicked out. It was an act of defense. Not self defense, but defending a friend who couldn't fend herself at that moment.

"You should head back to class, Miss Nagi." Requested the tutor. She shook head.

"No!" She exclaimed. "Almighty lord Minamimoto didn't do anything wrong!" She had an angry expression on her face. She needed to prove his actions were justified.

"Nagi, it's okay." Minamimoto sighed. "My third time being out my vector about the course." The tutor sighed listening into their conversation, waiting for the moment he could speak.

"Your third time beating people up." The tutor said in a fed up tone. "Before you even begun creating those crap pile trash heaps."

"Trash heaps?" Nagi sounded confused.

"My garbage heaps are masterpieces." A grimace appeared on Minamimoto's face as he replied with that. Was it just Nagi or did Minamimoto's speech go normal for a second? There were no mathematical references thrown into his speech. This was getting weirdly interesting. The tutor let out a long sigh at the tall tanned man. Most likely not the first time he had this talk.

What had been a normal conversation turned into a full on argument between Minamimoto and the tutor. Another tutor came over to Nagi, instructing her to go back to class and informing her that her new friend would be fine. She headed back to the Animation Studio.

[Notes - 

Coprime integer - friend In this work, Minamimoto refers to relationship partners as "equal integers." A "coprime integer" in his definition is a platonic friend.]

Chapter 5: Second Class, Concept Designs

In class, Nagi apologized for being so late. She explained why Minamimoto wasn't back. The tutor sighed, saying again? under her breath. She gave Nagi an explanation not to get too involved with Minamimoto's drama. She didn't want her new student to fall behind due to an old one who kept failing his course acting up.

It was Nagi's first time in her new course getting to use the computer equipped on her unit to create some art in this course. The instructions were to draw whatever the student desired to as long as it was an original character design. After the computer power on which wasn't in bad timing, the purple haired woman begun to boot up the art program and begun drawing an anime character concept design. As Nagi was about to get her plushie out of her bag, she realised something. It wasn't there. She let out a horrible scream.

"Gyahhh!" She caterwauled.

"...Miss Nagi?" The tutor said in a questioning tone. She looked almost as astonished as Nagi did. That was loud.

"My bag!" Nagi cried. "It's not here!" Tears were rolling down the small woman's face.

A tall figure with dark brown medium length hair walked in the room. Nagi turned her attention to the man. He had a purple bag held over his back like a potato sack.

"Yo, zeptograms."

It looked like a scene that came out of a game. Nagi hiccupped and went over to him.

"Almighty lord Minamimoto, is that my bag?" Her sobbing had punctuated her speech. "Thank you so much, I owe you my life and my soul." She was filled with gratitude, falling to the floor and bowing for him. Minamimoto pulled her up by her wrist. He put her itabag on her available arm. Nagi had gone flushed. Minamimoto had already let go of her and was back in his seat before she snapped back into the situation. She shook her head, returning to her desk unit to continue the work set.

The tutor came over to explain to Minamimoto what to do. She seemed to be struggling to get him to understand he needed to make a character design. He was being told to try not drawing a trash heap. Or to at least make it into some sort of creature.

"You could make it mathematically related?" Nagi suggested as she worked on her own piece.

"She's right, Minamimoto." The tutor sighed in relief. "Try designing a character that's mathematically related." Minamimoto's eyes got slightly bigger how like a cats would thinking about it. "Try that idea out." The tutor said before leaving off to help out another student.

Minamimoto was in full concentration mode on the screen now. Nagi smiled. She continued with her own work. Her character was starting to come together. Man, did he look handsome. She was almost drooling at the screen at this point.

It was a fun first hands on experience for the course. The tutor did have to come over to Minamimoto a few times to make sure he wasn't getting side tracked with equations and trash heaps. He had been shouted at a few times during that class. Other than that happening, it was enjoyable.

To Be Continued...

[lutrain2020]

Meet the Creator!

Introducing: Zo or Hugremlin!

Commissions: Nope! Maybe in the future when I'm a bit more confident in my art style, but for now I'm happy to create for free.

Social Media:  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hugremlin_doodles/

What's your artistic process like?

Sketch EVERYTHING. Anatomy, clothes, hair, background, if it's in the drawing I probably sketched it first. Then, line in black on a spartan layer, usually all of one thing at a time, like lining the whole body before moving to another layer to line the hair. Once lining is done, I color the inject on it's on layer below the lineart. If I shade I go above all the other layers and turn the layer opacity down, and cell shade. I'm usually listening to music throughout!

Tell us a little bit about yourself!

Art is my hobby! I like to draw fanart mostly, and whenever I find the time. I also write a little bit, but I dont post it much. My favorite color is purple, and I have two cats! Their names are Pippin and Gandalf, and they're big fluffy sweeties. I don't really have a favorite animal cause I love a lot of them, but cats is good to say in a pinch.

What kind of mediums do you like to use?

I draw with pencil and paper sometimes, and I also like to paint a little! My main method right now is digital, but it's nice to create something physical.

What got you into art? what inspires you to keep creating art?

I just have always been kind of doodley, and when I started getting into fandoms I would have cool ideas that I wanted to draw or I would just like the characters, so I would draw them! I started drawing semi-seriously on 7th grade, and I kept it close as a hobby ever since. (The improvement has been massive, it's really worth it to keep drawing)

What's your favorite/least favorite subjects to use in your art?

Faces are incredibly difficult. How do I draw eyes?? Mouths?? What's a nose look like from the front?? I try, but by golly I can't wait until I figure it out. Hands are also rough, but it feels like they're getting better with every drawing! It may be hard but I also love to draw all of these!! 

What's the worst thing you had to draw?

A flip book in 8th grade cartooning, it took me a really long time and it came out a little wonky. The dang thing doesn't even flip well.

Is there something that you struggled with that made you grow as an artist?

God, anatomy. Three years ago all my characters were in the same pose, hands were nubs if I drew arms at all, legs went right up to the waist.  Heads were circles. I think it was earlier this year or late 2019 when I finally started to add different face shapes and trying to sketch limbs properly. Definitely a big stepping stone.

If you have any fun stories about the pieces you made, please do share!

I once stayed up until 3 am working on some art for a school project, woke up at 5 and went to school, found out from my partner that he had gotten us a two day extension. We didn't end up using the drawings anyways. I wasnt very happy, but it makes a funny story now.