#I don’t understand firsthand what other disabled people go through either so I try my best to just be honest abt that and listen

[binders-and-beanies]

How do I say this in a way that won’t get me death threats,,, disabled and/or neurodivergent people often still experience some sort of ability related privilege. Pointing this out isn’t a comparison of disability level, but rather an acknowledgment that you do not understand the specific obstacle being discussed if it doesn’t apply to you. Especially if you make it abundantly clear that you don’t understand it, or even believe people about it.

You can be disabled and struggle immensely about it and still speak from places of privilege regarding other people’s disabilities. Unless you are disabled in every possible way, you are likely to have some sort of ability related privilege that you are unaware of and that intersects with your disability related oppression. You are not immune to ableism

[cherryblossomriot]

i had a dream the other day that was basically a dinluke cowboy au and it has been HAUNTING me, so just allow me to deposit it upon you like my subconscious drop kicked it onto me:

Luke is a disabled veteran who has returned from war one hand lighter and several scars heavier. When he returns, his family, who are heavily involved in the politics/military of this fictional land, don’t understand his now jaded and melancholic view of both the world, but also the ideologies that they so strongly believe in, leading him to constantly feel like an outcast even among the people that he so dearly loves. They’re all passionate and strong-willed, but they still don’t understand, not his struggles with mental health or his new perspective, and it just makes things worse and worse and worse. Anakin is a general, and though he’s seen the gruesomeness of war firsthand, he’s also become desensitized to it and has anger-management issues, so he often almost finds a sort of refuge within the chaos of battle, so he clearly cannot even fathom the emotions and trauma that Luke is trying to sort through, much less know how to deal with them properly. Padme is a senator and cares deeply about the crimes and seemingly senseless violence occurring during the war, but she’s also a politician and knows how to play the long game, so when Luke comes to her, he leaves feeling misunderstood and pushed aside. Leia is the only one who seemingly understands, as the pair of them have a deep, intrinsic bond, but she doesn’t fully grasp Luke’s moods and doesn’t handle his breakdowns and flashbacks well. So everyone feels a little upset, a little unsettled, and a lot like they don’t understand why and how Luke has changed, which leads to Luke feeling more and more out of place within his own family. The war ends relatively soon after Luke’s return, which leads to parades which leads to awards which leads to balls and banquets, all of which Luke is forced to attend, his heart dragging but his head held high, because he’s an Amidala-Skywalker goddammit, and we have a certain responsibility and image to maintain to the public and everyone who endured so much. So Luke has to sit there through awards and boasts of glory and mentions of battle scars and it goes on and on and on, and he has to smile and bear it and accept the medal that they’re giving him because he did such a great service to his country and-he has a panic attack. A nasty one that leads to him having to flee from a ballroom, and outside to the gardens. Once he’s there, he realizes that he doesn’t want to go back in. At all. So he runs away. He just picks a direction and goes, stealing a car on the way (this is a modern au but also fictional countries because I don’t want to get into real politics, hooo boy no siree). In the middle of nowhere, he gets caught in a storm and basically crashes his car and passes out. 

But when he wakes up! That’s when the fun begins. 

He’s in this cozy sort of bedroom, and this hot guy is fast asleep in the chair beside his bed, and is that a little kid in his lap? Anyway, the hot guy wakes up, introduces himself as Din Djarin in the softest, most attractive voice Luke has ever heard with his own two ears, and doesn’t ask him where he’s from or what he was doing driving in the middle of bumfuck nowhere at 3 in the morning, so Luke is obligated to have a lil crush on him, even though he’s not sure about the kid. So he asks, and Din introduces him to his son Grogu, who waves at him and signs hello, because, as Din explains, he doesn’t speak much, and the foster system wasn’t too kind to him, so he’s got a little bit of trauma to work through. And Luke just, instantly falls in love with this soft dad and his cute little son who can shift his features from the biggest, most pleading puppy eyes ever to the face of a demented gremlin who will try to eat the frog he caught in the backyard, no matter how slimy it is, or how hard it tries to wriggle out of his hands. Din tells Luke that he can stay for however long he needs, because Luke’s kinda injured from his accident, and anyway, once he’s healed up, they always could use another hand on the farm. So Luke stays, and he meets all of Din’s other farm hands (and shitty friends). There’s Boba, who doesn’t talk much, but when he does it’s always something slightly ominous and menacing, and Luke thinks that his name sounds familiar...hey wasn’t he on the news for robbing a couple banks a few years back?...no, surely not..., Fennec, who speaks even less than Boba, and manages to be far, far more intimidating, but also helps Luke with his prosthetic and gives him fun little tips that always sound more like she’s cut off a lot more limbs than she’s lost. Cara Dune (who is not gina carano but i digress) is also there, and she’s just constantly a harbinger of chaos, but will babysit Grogu whenever Din wants to brood and stare longingly into the distance (or at Luke who’s also brooding as the sun sets but shhh). Bo-Katan and the gang are there, and while Bo-Katan grumbles about how the old ranch boss had different/better methods on how to run things, she still follows Din’s lead and helps him with the finances and taxes. They all take to Luke like a wildfire, because Luke is a sunshine boy who can make friends with literally anyone and somehow manages to make Din not only smile but laugh, but also because they can tell he’s got a lot of trauma and pain bubbling just under the surface, and they all silently but collectively agreed a long time ago that they are the patron saints of troubled and lost souls. 

When Luke gets better and starts to help out, he’s constantly upset with himself because he used to help out at his aunt and uncle’s farm in the summers when he was a kid, and he knows how to do this stuff, but his prosthetic is really throwing him off and his body has sustained a lot of other injuries that make doing manual labor a much more different experience than it used to be, but everyone is really patient with him and helps him out, especially Din. At one point, Din is so nice that Luke just loses it, because he doesn’t understand how Din can be so kind and so patient, and care about him so much, and kind of calls himself broken and useless in front of Din, and Din gets super protective and grabs his hands (real and prosthetic) and tells him that he’s not broken or useless, and you’re so sweet and wonderful, and can’t you see? Ever since you’ve been here, everyone’s been so much happier, so much lighter. You’ve brought something precious to us, but most of all to me. And they’re standing really close and for a second Luke thinks Din is going to kiss him, but instead, Luke realizes that he’s crying, and Din just wraps his arms around him and holds him.

After that, time sort of blurs, marked by things like Grogu climbing into Luke’s bed because he sensed that he was having a nightmare, and Din waking up to find the pair of them coloring in a serene silence, Luke getting the hang of ranch life and his prosthetic and dealing with his panic attacks and flashbacks as they come, and Din enduring relentless badgering from his friends because hey, if you don’t marry Luke, I will and Fennec, you’re a lesbian and that doesn’t matter, it’ll be a marriage of twink and butch solidarity. And all the while, Din and Luke are spinning closer and closer towards each other, two suns hurtling in their orbit to the other with an inescapable certainty. 

When it finally happens, they’ve just gotten back from one of those cowboy dances (idk what they’re called...hoedowns? yeah okay) (and yes, I wanted to hit all of the cliches in the book, thank you very much), and Grogu’s fallen fast asleep on Luke’s shoulder. After they tuck him up all snug in his bed, they head out to the porch, because it’s raining outside, and the steady thrum of water droplets splattering on the roof and on the grass is the most soothing sound Luke has ever heard (aside from Din’s voice), and he’s a little too afraid to go to sleep and ruin his perfect night with a nightmare. They stand there for a while, silence binding them together, shoulders brushing every now and then, hesitant and questioning. Luke thinks about how Din had asked him to dance earlier, his lips tilted in a teasing, but achingly soft smile, and how his heart had pounded a tattoo to the shape of his ribs when they’d pushed up so close together, the fast, rowdy dances of the beginning of the night having faded to something lasting, something meaningful. Luke remembers the ball he’d run away from, how the dancing had been cold, almost jeering in a way, and Luke realizes how far he’s come, how different it is here. And suddenly, there isn’t a question in his mind anymore. He turns toward Din, who turns toward him, and when he leans forward, Din breathes an uncertain “Luke-”, but he doesn’t get to finish the thought. Luke kisses him, and he kisses back, and it’s just them. There are hands in hair and noses nudged together, and at some point, they move, without either of them releasing the other, into the house and into Din’s bedroom. Buttons are unbuttoned, and whole stretches of skin are kissed, and when it’s over, they curl up together, Din tucking his head into the crook of Luke’s neck and falling asleep there. 

When they wake up, Luke explains why he came here, why he ran away, all the while Din looks at him with his beautiful dark eyes and runs his hands through Luke’s hair, which is catching the sunlight filtering in through the window and making him look like he has a halo, all the while never once condemning him for keeping it a secret this whole time. After he’s finished, he expects some sort of shocked reaction-after all, his family’s pretty famous, but all Din does is kiss him and ask, “Wait, so you have a twin?” 

It’s so unexpected that Luke throws his head back and bursts into uncontrollable, and very contagious peals of laughter, and when he’s finally able to breathe again, he kisses Din’s forehead and murmurs, “I love you.” 

Din, who has been touch starved and lonely for years (no time for relationships when you’ve got a business to run and a toddler to raise), tears up and kisses him, too overwhelmed for words. But Luke understands.  

And then Grogu pushes his way into the room holding up a box of Frosted Flakes above his head and shaking it, as if to say, I’d like to eat now, please. 

Din and Luke stifle their smiles into the other’s shoulder, and when they get up, Luke can’t help but think that he’s finally where he belongs.

----

It takes approximately .5 seconds for all the others to figure out they’re together now, and Cara and Bo-Katan (of all people) start cheering immediately, to Din and Luke’s shock. Boba and Fennec grumble and begrudgingly hand over a huge wad of cash each to Cara and Bo-Katan because they thought it would take them at least another two weeks to get together. Din’s very done with his friends at this point, but he takes one look at Luke’s flustered but smiling face and decides he won’t kill them all this time. 

And if everyone thought Luke was a lot of excitement for a humble ranch in the middle of nowhere, then they are in no way, shape, or form, prepared for when his very angry twin sister shows up with a himbo with a shit-eating grin and his 7 foot tall best friend she hired to track her brother down. 

(needless to say, Boba punches Han within two minutes of interaction).

[okurrroye]

Ok all I wanted was to laugh about John getting curb stomped but the Ayo tag is a fucking nightmare like wow

Disclaimer I have shit memory so if I say something that doesn’t add up fact wise let me know. But I’m pissed off so here we go-

(FYI all of your opinions should be kept to yourself, so don’t comment if you fail to read my entire post so thanks)

I know this has been discussed, but there are things that have been left out of the argument, or hasn’t even been considered when it comes to the big I speak no I see no I hear no evil scene y’all making it out to be of Ayo disarming Bucky. So gather around here’s the part where you hear me out without scrolling off regardless of your stance on the situation, because I’m here for all opinions afterwards.

First off I can’t even understand why this is controversial at all considering the history that led to this moment. Oh wait I lied it’s literally because either you have your head to far up Bucky’s ass or because he’s a man or because he’s white, or because *ding ding ding * all of the above. And now you’re mad because how dare this black bitch have the nerve-the audacity to do that to poor little old Bucky (now insert the part where you either scroll off, or put your two unwanted cents in before I finish). And this is where you all want to use the empty ass belief that ThE aRm Is A gIfT, or empty ass excuse tHaT’s HiS aRm. Also someone else pointed out well if they didn’t trust him than they shouldn’t have given it to him in the first place. Which yes all are true, but also not at the same time. *Gasp* yes somethings can not be one or other, because ✨ grey area ✨.

Now I don’t know what world you’re living in where you think a gift can not be taken back, and I use the term gift loosely because you can’t even call it that honestly. Because in reality the whole reason he has the arm in the first place is because he needed a new one for infinity war like duh, why have crap heap that’s easily damageable when they can make an indestructible one, to live or not to live like it’s not a hard choice. Then he disappeared for five years so it would be kinda difficult to get an arm back that doesn’t exist anymore. But by the time everyone came back I think an arm was at the bottom of their to do list, or not to mention the fact well it’s already been made, and you probably don’t know how to properly function without both arms yet and can’t afford a normal one yourself so why not just keep it instead of wasting all the time, effort, and resources of making it, but idk I guess that’s a stretch. But since people likes using the gift excuse guess what, a gift is just something you couldn’t afford to do yourself so someone else was kind enough to do it for you (^^^), but in every other since of the word it really belongs to them not you. So let’s give an example shall we, now your parent(s) gave you something you wanted (shit someone else may have bought it for you) but you fucked around and got in trouble and now you’re grounded. Now depending on your parent(s) you’ll either get your ass beat or your shit will get confiscated, or both if you fuck up enough. Now do you think you have any right to say what they can or can’t do? -Yeah I didn’t think so and if you thought otherwise well here comes round two of another ass whopping or the first one if you’re lucky. Or on rare occasions some (white) kids don’t get physically disciplined, but you’re still going to pay the price regardless.

So same situation (yes I know I can’t compare an amputees arm to an object, but I only say that because Bucky is more than that, more than just a arm) but also very much not because in Bucky’s and Ayo’s situation it is much-MUCH worse obviously, but apparently it’s not obvious considering that there’s a debate in the first place. Or in other words you think Bucky’s feelings-FEELINGS are more important then Ayo’s and Wakanda the truth. Which is you’re lucky that it was only his feelings that got hurt, because she (and Yama) could have killed him and everyone else in that room easily so let’s all thank Ayo (and Yama) for her kindness and mercy first and foremost, also for not taking back both the arm and the shield completely. Because that arm and shield is Wakandan property ok so let’s get that straight, so she had every right to take it if she wanted to-whenever or wherever (which also falls into the part where the Dora does has jurisdiction there, and almost anywhere else since most likely every country wants or have vibranium now, and because Wakanda could literally flatten the whole world so yeah they’re going to have a legal pass because who’s gonna want to fuck with them) but she didn’t key word didn’t which should’ve been a clue they would never take the arm or shield back because he is disabled considering even after what Bucky (& John) did.

Not only is it the property of Wakanda but it’s from the only place that was willing, and did help Bucky in every way a person could be helped literally saving this man physically, mentally, and emotionally- like please. Specifically the royal family themselves firsthand which need I remind you is related to the former King that was killed by the man that Bucky escaped from prison without discussing it with them first. That same King, family, and country that Ayo is from, loves, and is to serve and protect. That she will-IS sacrificing and dedicates her life to...she failed them all-failed herself when T’Chaka was murdered like bruh- like that should speak for it self like that is the ultimate betrayal like he literally spat in their fucking face, especially Ayo’s considering she’s the one who gave Bucky back his mind, his freedom and after all that after everything they did for him they still didn’t trust him, and betrayed him by not telling him he had a fail safe in his arm?! Yeah-no big sike, anyone with a brain knows prosthetics because here’s the real kicker ITS NOT HIS ARM thus it’s O M G...removable. Yes you read that correctly r-e-m-o-v-a-b-l-e. Now put that together with the fact that Ayo is highly skilled and an overall badass I don’t think it would be that hard for her to fucking figure out how to dislocate it with a few pressure points considering that’s literally the whole point of striking a pressure point (if he still had his arm then that hit would’ve stopped it from working, but since it’s fake that mf popped right off). Pressure points are used to disable someone, thus Ayo disabling a disabled by disarming his arm to deescalate the situation go figure. It wasn’t a fail safe it’s just skill and common sense that everyone failed to have in the moment and used as a last resort because oh no Bucky’s face, like boo fucking hoo he did it to himself by breaking their trust first, and defending that bitch. Instead of him waiting for the Dora to have Zemo in custody first, what did Bucky do instead? He had the fucking audacity (and that’s how you use the word) to use that same arm against Ayo, against Wakanda. That speaks volumes considering out of respect as a friend or whatever close bond they have (because they definitely have a connection after what they went through together) Ayo still gave him a warning, and time to do what he had to do before they came for Zemo’s ass. Let it be known she didn’t have to do that at all because her loyalty is to and should be to her country first but in those eight hours it wasn’t, it was in the trust of their friendship so therefore she literally was endangering her well being by giving Bucky just that courtesy, and I don’t think you all consider her position in that predicament and thanks to Bucky she could’ve gotten her status revoked, thrown in jail, or worse killed for disobeying orders because let’s not forget Chadwick unfortunately has passed away, and thus it’s a fact that T’Challa is no longer in charge since Marvel will respect that with tampering with his character, so I don’t want to hear she would’ve been just fine because we’ve seen how the royal counsel has a big say on what goes and doesn’t go considering they did not give a single fuck about their own next of kin, Erik who has every right as them, but would have easily killed him just because he was an ‘outsider’ if T’Challa didn’t speak up for him (I mean they abandoned him while leaving him to fend for himself, killed his father and covered it up so wouldn’t put it past them). So if you think when Ayo fucked up again about retrieving Zemo because she trusted, and helped this outsider over her own kind she definitely would’ve been considered a traitor and be punished for her actions.

Can you imagine the hurt, and betrayal they felt? No apparently not, because it’s all about how he’s disabled and how could she take his arm (like uh she literally left it, and the shield for them to keep, and it’s not like he would’ve died without it to begin with unlike Bucky who was willing to sacrifice Ayo’s entire livelihood) when the fact that disabled people say constantly for others to stop putting their disabilities before them, and how they’re just as capable as everyone else. “They are a someone with a disability, not someone who is disabled,” which is absolutely true, because they’re more than that but everyone seems to forget that all of sudden when Ayo detaches Bucky’s arm (I wonder why) and all of sudden he doesn’t have control of his own body like what- he literally used his entire body nonbrainwashed to stab them in the back like miss me with that bs. Him spending five seconds without his arm doesn’t compare especially since they forgave him without even at least an apology at that.

Detaching his arm was a warning that he needed to learn, because they were letting him know, and I emphasize that that arm does not belong to him so how he dare try to use it against the people who gave it to him after they fed, housed, and freed him when no one else could, or would when he’s done nothing in return while as a repayment was being a fucking ingrate. All the while facing no consequences, not even the need for a fucking bandaid *mic drop*.

[happinessandbeyond]

Questioning and Reflections on Educating Gen Z and Gen Alpha: Changing systems, Structures and Interactions.

Who are the Gen Z?

Gen Z are those individuals who are born between 1995 and 2012.

Who are the Gen Alpha?

Gen Alpha are those individuals who are born between 2012 and 2025.

This article does not cater only to the privileged, to those who can afford schooling and to those without disabilities. I’m going to consciously try and cover how and why our system needs to change for the present generations in the schooling system and the next set of them.

A global pandemic was enough to provoke me into thinking what we really need to start changing in the way we deliver information and how we do it.

Our present system consists of educational boards for the so called normal functioning child. For those children with sensory impairments, specially-abled, gifted, and intellectually challenged, our educational and service providers have a set of activities, fundraising campaigns, trainings and vocational opportunities which only help in functioning to a certain extent so as to make one independent. Have we really invested resources to enable inclusivity into understanding what a person with a certain challenge could be going through in a global crises, has there been a deeper understanding and research as to what a person with emotional and physical challenge needs in order to fight a battle such as this. What does it mean to be self sufficient and independent then?

The “real” question everyone asks ‘what are we preparing our children for?’

And the “real” answer that is often given is “We are preparing them for life”. While we are in a middle of a crises our education system caters only to a handful of people who go into becoming experts in scientific research and solution finding. While we ace in being heavily populated we are definitely falling far behind in providing opportunities for the masses in order to help the masses in turn.

While we constantly emphasize on the fact that children are the future, then how come none of the children are finding any meaning in the system of our education? What future can they possibly even dream of when opportunities are only for some and not others?

The two generations after the millennial’s are the one’s that we need to focus on, in order to save lives and add meaning and not just prepare them for life.

The RTE Act, the rule of having a special needs child in a mainstream school is not what we should be proud of, we can only be proud when inclusion is achieved as an unsaid law and prepares children into inculcating basic qualities and values such as helping, empathic understanding which can then be utilized in a progressive manner where children are encouraged to think and reflect critically. By this I mean using some useful core values and applying the knowledge base towards a healthy and meaningful lifestyle.

Our present structure consists of teacher-student, facilitator-student, guide-student and so on. The role of the “knowledge” provider remains in a position of someone who is experienced and in a place to educate. When a structure based on hierarchy and power exists there is a passive killer that is constantly being built within the psyche of the child which is DOUBT.

As adults most of us have ideas and novel plans on bringing about change in our own ways, but why is it that only a small percentage of us can actually execute it? It’s mostly because we are dependent on an authority for approval and validation on whether it’s right or wrong. But then the reality lies in the fact that risks are involved either way, then why not follow our instincts? And this self doubt mostly occurs because the system in which we are taught and raised makes one doubt themselves FIRST even before standing up to speak and express. Although I do want to emphasize that there is a thin line between thinking twice and expressing, which should also be role modeled at a very young age.

Research in child psychology has shown and proved that children at the age of three onwards have the capacity to absorb any information that is exposed to them repeatedly or instructed. In my work with children of that age group I have observed firsthand, the levels intelligence and their capability to reason and resolve conflicts with their own age groups and even with adults given the freedom to express and listen. If we do have such a wonderful opportunity, then why not expose children to an environment that is real, authentic and free of self-doubt.

The brain of a gen z and a gen alpha child is much more hyper stimulated due to the changing lifestyles of adults and exposure to increased levels of screen time radiation. Where our educational structure and interaction is based on books and exams the ever evolving brain thirsts for something more meaningful. When there is no rationale and logic behind some of the most relevant questions that children constantly ponder over and ask, a bigger passive killer is built within the psyche of the child which is loss of interest. It can arguably be said that children are curious by nature, I do not disagree, but what does concern me and should concern all of us is that they begin to get curious about things that don’t hold any meaning and purpose.

Here I give you some of the questions that children between the age of 6-13 have asked me.

 ·    Why do we need exams?

·    What is the point of carrying so many books every day?

·    Why do we have such limited classed of PE?

·    Why don’t we have an option to exercise choice in how we want to learn and study?

·  Why should we study so much and some of us have to sit at home after marriage?

Honestly I wish I’d told them that it’s all a money making racket and a business idea to run schools, and that no one really cares about what they do or who they become after a given point. But again I’m one of the passive culprit who was also put into the system from the age of 3.

Although to most things I told them that I do not have a definite answer and that I’m still in the process of figuring it out.

In our ways of interaction with children of the gen z and the gen alpha, (I mean all children irrespective of any medical or psychological condition) our education system and training facilities have a long way to go in their ways of interaction which can only start by not repairing the roots but by growing new roots.

Soon after the pandemic hit every country, some of the schools in India were converted into hospitals and shelter for those who need to be quarantined, some institutions have gone out of their way to help students and provide classes online, then again the online classes in India only caters to a handful of them and here again, we do need to question if that’s what education means and if that’s what is important as opposed to providing mental health and physical health services for every child.

I posed this question to a few children in the present schooling system and here’s what they had to say.

 Question:

 How do you think your education system could have prepared you to battle a global pandemic?

Washing our hands , putting our elbows front while sneezing and all other safety precautions should not only be told when such pandemic arrives it should be mainly put in education curriculum because if we learn this from childhood then itself we can apply it strictly when such pandemic arrives.

It should be taught each and every citizen of the country should strictly follow the rules put up by the respected country (during lock down some people were unnecessarily out without any reason)

Education system should also be prepared for online classes before itself so that studies will not be disturbed.

Education system should bring awareness in the schools of rural areas to help them build up their immune system.

Lasya – 8th grade (Bangalore-India)

______________________________________________________________

Our education system should have some practical experiments in the lab showing the importance of washing hands and being hygienic, and the explanation of it and the consequences and result could have made us aware of all the diseases. The education system should have seminars regarding self hygiene, and how these viruses spread and become a global pandemic affecting people. They should have at least had soaps in the washrooms so that children have some impact on cleanliness. Though there are some chapters in the children’s books but not much importance is being given to hygiene. Our system should teach children basics about viruses and bacteria. The higher grade students know much about it and they are aware of things and it has helped them to stay safe.

 Aina- 10th grade (Bangalore-India)

 ______________________________________________________________

 I think the education system should have emphasized how viruses and illnesses spread and how important it is to stay home and take precautions against it. I feel like there are people in my school and community who do not understand the seriousness of the coronavirus pandemic and think it’s ok to keep going out unnecessarily.

We should have been taught about previous outbreaks in the past and how we as students can help slow/stop the spread of viruses.

As for what my school and education system has done as an effect of the coronavirus, I think they are doing the best they can. Our school district quickly implemented an online learning system for us so that we can still hopefully graduate on time. Although many school events got cancelled, the teachers, principal and counsellors at my school often offer support for students during this time. Many of my teachers and even the school principal are very understanding.

Our school district even gave away the districts laptops to students who don’t have their computers at home and offer WIFI hotspots. There are a lot of things that are unknown at this time such as whether or not my class will even have a graduation and whether or not we will ever go back to school again, but I certainly feel that my school has done the best they can despite the circumstances.

However, we should have been educated on what to do and how not to panic during a pandemic, which my school is also trying to do through online classes.

Prarthana 12th grade (USA-Texas)

______________________________________________________________

[cannabisrefugee-esq]

 A Note to the Turmeric and Yoga Crowd. TL;DR. You Aren't That Sick.

Cannabis Refugee, Esq.

December 9, 2019

Let me preface this note by saying that I was able to somewhat control my Crohn’s symptoms for 30 fucking years before I got sick.  And when I say “sick” I mean sick-sick.  The kind that is undeniably disabling, mostly doesn’t respond to treatment and never goes away.

Because I have explored and/or experienced these things firsthand, I know all about prescription and over the counter medication including oral, topical and other traditional medications, as well as Chinese medicine; homeopathy; reflexology; chiropractic; Ayurveda; herbal remedies and tonics; restrictive diets; probiotics and fermented foods; vitamins, minerals and other supplements; trendy exercise programs and basic ones too; every form of detox, cleanse, fast and purge imaginable (and then some); acupuncture/acupressure/cupping/spooning; aromatherapy; crystal therapy; therapeutic massage; meditation and relaxation practices; binaural beats and sound therapy; infrared therapy; Reiki and other energy work; atheist-prayer; talk therapy and otherwise working out your issues; knock-you-down-to-build-you-back-up emotional bootcamps; cutting “toxic people” and things out of your life; letting go and letting God; and thinking about something else for awhile.  Did I miss anything?  Jesus.

I’ve done it all and I’ve been doing it all for a very long time.  This is not my first day, or year, or decade with alternative therapies: I was avoiding nightshades while some of you were still eating French fries with your Happy Meals.  Think about that shit a minute.  I’ve been doing every alternative therapy imaginable since before many of you were even born.  And certainly before any of this shit became cool, or easily accessible, or at all normalized and/or mainstream.  

Potatoes (and therefore French fries) are a nightshade BTW, for anyone who doesn’t know.  And nightshades are known to be inflammatory.  I recently had an old family friend clue me into the harm nightshades can cause.  I recall trying to clue people into that in 1992 when I first learned about it but whatever right?  He figured it out 30 years later, after being in pain for decades and after having both knees replaced.  Good job dude.  Seriously, well fucking done.  These are the people, and the kinds of people, who are giving me advice.  It is, in a word, maddening.

I’ve also been keeping up with the research.  I research Crohn’s and other medical conditions weekly if not daily because I am interested in it and interested in the social commentary around it.  Where there is none, or nothing interesting, I create social commentary about it on this blog.  I know about fecal transplants and have written about it here, I know about so-called “Functional Medicine” and have written about that here, I know about stem-cell therapy (shudder) and Ketamine therapy.  I know that there is a potential gene therapy in the pipeline which I will probably never get to try.  Because these things cost money and are gatekept and are otherwise inaccessible and/or unsustainable over time.  We have been over this.  Even if these things work, there are reasons besides not knowing about it that prevent people from accessing them long term or at all.  Have you heard of?  Have you tried?  Yes.  Probably.  Seriously, stop wasting my fucking time.*

And don’t get me wrong.  Some of these alternative remedies “worked” or worked well enough that I was able to mostly do what I needed to do for a reasonably long time.  I was able to finish school, and have something of a career, and maintain some semblance of a life through my thirties with the crutch these various pain relievers and anti-inflammatories provided me and they worked.   Kind of.  Until they stopped.  When I finally gave in and saw a doctor for what had finally become unmanageable gut pain and symptoms — what turned out to be severe Crohn’s disease — I was 38 years old and absolutely everything I ate was making me sick.  The supplements, diets and practices I had relied on for decades, and on which I spent all my discretionary resources for decades, no longer worked.  Get it?  They worked once, to some degree, but they didn’t work forever.

Please.  Please hear and understand.  Regarding alternative therapies, I have tried them all, or a goodly portion of them, and I know a lot of them work.  They do!  Kind of.  Unfortunately, I also know that the relief they provide is temporary only.  It’s temporary guys.  And if these things are currently working for you, and if you are still functional and able to mostly do what you want and need to do because turmeric and yoga or whatever, it can only be because either your illness isn’t that serious, or it’s not progressive, or it’s both serious and progressive but you aren’t that sick yet. If you yourself are sick and you say you feel like hell and that this stuff helps you, I believe you, but you likely ain’t seen nothing yet: if you have an incurable, progressive chronic disease, things are going to get much, much worse for you, and eventually there won’t be a fucking thing you can do about it.  And I am so, so sorry about that.

Here is how my 30 years’ journey with various alternative treatments turned out: eventually, my meager and last-ditch anti-inflammatory diet of unseasoned chicken, cauliflower, water and a bevy of supplements and practices no longer worked and I could no longer eat no matter what I did or didn’t do.  I had reached the end of that road — what I am calling the yoga and turmeric road — and I was extremely, extremely ill.  And it wasn’t because I was cheating on my diet(s), or being surreptitiously glutened, or that I hadn’t tried long or hard enough.

I can only conclude that these practices stopped working because turmeric and yoga and things of that caliber might work in the beginning, but they do not work long term, and they will not, because they cannot, work forever on serious, incurable and progressive disease.  Crohn’s disease is a serious, incurable and progressive disease and the whole time I was doing absolutely everything I could to treat my pain and symptoms, my Crohn’s was doing exactly what it was supposed to: getting worse over time.  What a shock, a disease that’s known to be progressive, progressed.  It’s in the name innit.

*This might’ve been my favorite suggestion though.

Q: Have you tried therapeutic fasting???

A: Well, I almost starved to death a couple of times.  Because Crohn’s.  

Comments Open on Blog

[princettegil]

There's been something I've been meaning to talk about for a while now but it recently came to a head about a week ago and I've came to realize that the medical field is probably one of the most uncaring amd worst places to work for someone with mental illness! You'd think the medical field would understand, right? Nope! Out of all the jobs I've had, none have been this bad at working with me or helping with my issues. I won't go into detail about what happened but I haven't had much in the way of anxiety attacks in the last couple years (cept for a couple incidents.) All in all, I've been doing stunningly better! However, when I have a job I tend to have a lot more anxiety issues (no matter what the job is, it just seems to happen.) So I've had about 3-4 attacks since I started work at the beginning of this year at a hospital (working one of the lowest rungs that still deals with patient care.) But that's to be expected; I figured that would happen since it almost always does, but I was intent on trying to sticking it out this time. Now, I don't like pity - let's just get that clear right now. I don't like pity, I don't like bothering people, I try my best to at least be as good as my peers at my job and I absolutely abhor bothering people with my issues (be that mental illness stuff or standard job difficulties.) Basically, I try to hold my own as best I can and I don't like to mention my mental health issues unless it's clear they're absolutely becoming an problem. Well, first (technically 2nd but the real first was a very small and not full blown attack) anxiety? A nurse happened to be in the room with me and took me to the main office where they let me chill a little and transferred me to work with a less trying patient. That's good! That seems reasonable yeah? Though what they did I agree was a good move, the way the nurse (an RN mind you) acted towards me was... odd. You'd expect a nurse to be well trained with things like anxiety or panic attacks and know both how to help out and seem considerate, right? Well... you'd be very wrong! Though she wasn't mean she didn't seem to understand at all what was happening to me even after I told her I was having an anxiety attack. She clearly didn't know much in the way of how to help me calm down or even deal with me at all working on her floor. But whatever, maybe she was tired? Nurses work their asses off after all! Maybe she just wasn't well trained with anxiety issues? It could happen. I gave her a pass in my mind but noted how it was strange for her to be so seemingly uncomfortable with a simple anxiety attack, especially one of a coworker. My 2nd anxiety attack went mostly unnoticed and I dealt with it the way I normally do. Took a break to go to the bathroom and try to chill out, stayed there a bit longer than my break actually allows but made sure I was okay before going back to the patient's room to continue my shift as normal. At the end though I made sure to inform my supervisor that I could no longer work with said patient because he was behind my prior anxiety attack as well. They didn't really agree but that didn't disagree with me either that they'd make sure I didn't have to work with him again. Then the 3rd anxiety attack. The big one. The awful one. The one that really forced my realization. Like I said, I won't go into detail on what happened. Lots of things happened that night all at once and some caused serious issues but are unrelated to the topic of the hospital's treatment of anxiety attacks. But the stunning thing I did realize was just how non-understanding and non-accomodating my supervisors (years long medical workers, especially in nursing fields) could be. At one of my last jobs, though they ran everyone to the brink of exhaustion and stress (causing many people to quit around the same time, including myself) they at least we're kind when they realized I had anxiety issues. It didn't actually work out the way they promised but they were willing to work with me and make simple accommodations to help me out (like working in the back when the store got really busy.) They were also very understanding and assuring even though I was terrified that they found out. At another job, though I didn't stay long last the first month's training classes, they were also understanding and my trainer took the time to explain how she understood what anxiety was like and gave me plenty of time and space to calm myself down (we got along so well I even friended her on FB after I quit and she's still really nice to me.) Basically, my other jobs were understanding. They didn't pity me (thank gods!) but they were open, supportive, understanding, accomodating and those coworkers who had been through similar really helped commiserate with me which helped me feel more comfortable knowing I wasn't alone. The hospital I work at now? None of the above! They weren't mean mind you, they technically said just enough to make it so that I probably couldn't sue them for treating me differently due to my mental disabilities (I have no intention to) but it really did seem like they wanted to put in the bare minimum of care to make sure that didn't happen. Did they tell me how they understood that anxiety was difficult to deal with? No. Did they try understandingy issues? No. Did they ask or try to accommodate me (like helping me to find a more suitable job there or letting me know I could ask to switch patients if things got hard? No. Did they seem any bit empathetic or even sympathetic? No. They gave me time to calm down (though they seemed pretty ansy for me to hurry up and breath so I could talk or rather, listen to them.) They said they were worried a couple times (while seemingly sounding and looking like they didn't give a single shit and were simply required to say it.) Did they at all mention anxiety is a disability or offer any tips for dealing with it? Nope! Instead they told me, in only slightly prettier words, to suck it up, deal with it on my own, don't cause problems, and that it's only gonna get worse from here. Not exactly kind or what you'd expect from medical personnel huh? In fact, that's my main concern - it was MEDICAL PERSONNEL! I could see this with grocery store staff or call center supervisors and probably write it off as just being ill informed or more caring about the cash and not the employees. But... trained, licensed, careered RNs and nursing staff!?!? Staff that I KNOW have had to deal with and care for mentally ill patients of all sorts? Staff that likely occasionally have to help out in the adjoining psychiatric center!? People whose job is literally to care for other people!? This is what disturbs me! This is what concerns me! If they treat a fellow employee like this then how do they treat the actual patients with problems!? Look, I know nurses don't have it easy! I have both family and friends who are CNAs and RNs and I know some of the shit they go through and how stressful it is. Especially since starting a hospital job and seeing stuff firsthand, I have MAJOR respect for those that can do such jobs! You guys have to have balls of steel! No... platinum! Dear gods the shit you ppl go through! I can easily see why you'd be frustrated especially with a coworker who can't handle the shit you deal with daily! I get it. I can see why you'd snap at patients and even eventually experience burn out and stop giving a shit in general. Hell, I wouldn't blame you one damn bit! But I would hope most of that would be split decisions, heat of the moment type stuff. Not when you've had almost an hour to absorb what's happened and had plenty of time to think through what to do or how to act. If you treat your co-workers like this, how would someone expect you to treat your patients? Not one of the 6 jobs that I've had treated my anxiety issues THIS BADLY! I'm talking data entry places, places with tiny cubicles, telarmarketing places, call centers, grocery stores, RETAIL stores! If nothing else I'd expect at least understanding from medical field workers! My supervisors, even a few of my coworkers - did not only not seem to understand but didn't even care! I was told by one to pretty much man up or quit! And some of these people, I KNOW have either personally dealt with mental health issues themselves or know someone close who has. Even if you know the job is tough, even if you know it may get worse, even if you've personally dealt with worse - you can't even say something as easy as "yeah man, this shits hard, I get it."? If I ever mentioned how hard my night was, my coworkers in the group chat didn't even care enough to respond. I mean, I'm sure you've had hard nights too! Let's talk about it! Let's commiserate and complain together! There's over I of us on this shift and I know you all have gone through shit, let's let off a little steam about it! There's gotta be at least one of you who'd love to rant it out! I find when you complain together about a tough job it makes you feel better knowing there's others in the same situation. Just knowing you're not alone can help a lot! Heck, answering every question you know the answer to with "just call the supervisors" cause you can't take 2 mins to say something like "click the x button on the menu" to help a coworker is a bit extreme isn't it? That last anxiety attack I had suicidal thoughts for a short bit in the midst of the worst part. I asked my supervisors for any advice they might have (hoping they might share some of their 20+ years of health field knowledge) they ignored my question and sent me straight to the ER even though I told them I was fine now. I can see the reaction for legal reasons but they didn't seem worried about me personally but how it may affect my job. They refused to listen to me. I went to the ER. Sat there, had blood work done and answered a few questions about how I was feeling and they let me leave. Why? Because they had determined I was fine and no threat to myself or others, just like I had told my supervisors. They never did give me advice. But they did screenshot my phone to show HR. So no, I don't want pity and I don't want people to get super worried about me but I'm always worrying that I'll be fired because of my anxiety attacks and the least a supervisor or coworker could do is tell me they understand it's tough (the job or the anxiety) or give me helpful tips or listen to me or ask how they could help. But being ignored, told to man up, told to quit, treated like I was just a legal risk and quickly unloading me onto anyone else they could - that's not how you treat someone! Someone with anxiety, depression, mental illness, learning disabilities, young people, old people - ANY PEOPLE! And what's worse is you are MEDICAL STAFF! You should KNOW about this stuff. You should KNOW how to handle it! You should KNOW to at least act like you care! You should KNOW how to comfort or calm someone or make them feel comfortable and not just like a legal risk or a bother that you don't want to deal with! HOW TF DO PATIENTS FEEL ABOUT THIS KIND OF TREATMENT!? My managers are always complaining about inspections and how the hospital is rated by patients and why and how to improve our scores. Well, as someone who's been an employee and now a patient too, lemme tell you your main patient displeasure issue - YOUR ATTITUDE! I thought before that some patients were just asking too much of the staff but now I know that they were right. But it's not about getting your apple juice quicker it's about being treated like you're either just a giant thorn in their side or a pit of money! Maybe next time I won't ignore that survery phone call.

[autismdad]

What do you do when your child has been diagnosed with autism?

You’ve been handed lengthy pamphlets about it and have heard of autism but aren’t quite sure what it entails.

Trust me, I’ve been there.

But, luckily I know my way around the internet and I did deep searching about it and have spoken to many autistic people and have gotten their take on it, of which many have informed me that their parents were only educated by other parents and they were taught by these parents so on and so forth, leading me to the conclusion that what we can find via surface level of searching is just what it sounds like— the surface level. Thank god I went to those who have experienced it firsthand, because the abuse I’ve found in the common “parent learning grounds” is far too much to even stomach.

Let’s get some of the basics down before we dive into the specifics:

—

Vocabulary

No lesson would be learned without the common vocab. There are many many complex words that come with the diagnosis that will leave your head spinning, no doubt. I for one am no psychologist and I had a rough idea about what autism was in the first place, let alone all the terminology that came with it. Here’s a list of the most common vocab you will need for my guide:

Autistm spectrum disorder- a neurological and developmental disorder that begins early in childhood and lasts throughout a person's life. It affects how a person acts and interacts with others, communicates, and learns.

Sensory processing disorder- a condition in which the brain has trouble receiving and responding to information that comes in through the senses.

Self-stimulatory behavior (stimming)- the repetition of physical movements, sounds, or repetitive movement of objects common in individuals with developmental disabilities, and most prevalent in people with autism spectrum disorders

Executive dysfunction- the inability to pay attention, remember information, multitask, and other skills required to do tasks that require planning, organizing, strategizing, and managing time.

These are all important to understanding the full picture of what your child has been diagnosed with. Autism comes in many shapes and sizes and your child may not experience sensory processing disorder or they may experience it worse than another child, same for executive dysfunction and self-stimulatory behavior. Even if they don’t experience some of the above, knowing their disorder to the fullest will help you in raising them.

One very important thing to note about Autism Spectrum Disorder is that there is no cure.

The way to handle this disorder as a parent is to accept that there is not a cure and that your child is just normal, but requires a bit of extra help and patience. Looking for a cure or investing in one is a waste of time and doing so will only beat your child down and give them the mentality that there is something wrong with them. They aren’t broken or stupid and they should be treated like a normal child, but with extra care and patience.

Autistic people are known to be intelligent, invested, creative, passionate, and caring.

Your child may be in need of more care, but they are far from broken. Treat them with the same respect as a neurotypical child.

—

Wording

Phrasing is just as important as caring for your child.

Try to avoid saying that they have autism. If you treat their disorder like a disease they will feel as if there is something wrong with them.

Try not to talk to people around your child about them being autistic when it comes down to negative things.

Try not to excuse their behavior by saying “oh he/she is autistic, so—“. Trust me, that will only cause more issues down the road.

Just like any other child, be careful with how you approach things with your child, especially when it has to do with them being autistic.

Due to the extreme amount of negativity painted upon autism, you don’t want to put any ideologies into their head about them being autistic. You don’t want to single them out or make them believe that they will be singled out by others; doing so will just make them feel like a burden and will have prolonged effects on them.

—

Ways to help

This section is too broad to simply go over in a part of this post, I’ll have to make another post just about how to help in many different situations.

There is one point I’d like to make about treatments though;

It is never okay to put your child through more stress in order to cure symptoms such as non-harmful self-stimulation.

Get to know your child and what you’re planning on putting them through before putting them through any sort of treatments to prevent them from being hurt or traumatized. Many autistic children are put through therapies that make them change who they are completely to prevent symptoms from showing, but it doesn’t work; Autism has absolutely no cure. Please learn what harmful traits your child has before you take away parts of their personalities. Some social behaviors that are categorized as being symptoms will be worsened if attempts are forcibly made to try and change them.

Always do research on the treatments and make sure that your child will be comfortable. Learn about harmful procedures done on autistic children.

—

Research

One of the immediate ways to help your child is to research, research, research. Don’t just google either, message autistic people who run blogs, join groups where autistic people give advice, take notes. My suggestion is to ask actual autistic people for advice moreso than the armada of “autism moms” that come with Autism Speaks. Though they may not be parents, they had parents and they will know the do’s and don’t’s.

Finding unbiased sources can be difficult through google and, more times than not, you’ll find your search results are flooded with Autism Speaks.

Autism Speaks is an organization founded upon research and awareness for autism, but it has been found to be pretty bad for many reasons:

Small amounts of it’s money goes to autistic people.

It has no autistic staff members at all.

It promotes false ideologies about autistic people to gain money.

It supports anti-vaccination which has been proven to be false.

It supports deadly treatment methods.

It searches for a cure for autism and not for acceptance of autistic people.

It’s following also supports the mindset of being proud of your child for their mental disorder. You should be proud of your child for what they do, not their disorder. They aren’t their mental disorder. Treat them as an individual.

There are good organizations to research from such as ASAN, ANI and Autism Society of America.

—

Notes to leave off on

Even though it may be a lot to swallow at first, this journey is your child’s alone; you just need to help them through it the best you can. This isn’t the end of the world in any sense like many parents make it out to be. Just be patient and caring towards your child to make the journey easier for them.

[strike-at-the-heart]

⋙━{ ＨＥＡＤＣＡＮＯＮ: ɢᴇɴᴊɪ’s ɪɴᴊᴜʀɪᴇs ᴀɴᴅ ʜᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴇʏ ʜᴀᴘᴘᴇɴᴇᴅ }━➣

So I’ve been thinking about just what Hanzo might’ve done to Genji to get injuries as weird, variant, and widespread as he seems to have received as according to things like Blackwatch skin, visor reveal in the Dragons short, etc.

(CW: Violence, mutilation, dismemberment - you can kinda guess where this is going. Fair warning.)

To begin, an overview of what is canonically known about Genji’s injuries:

His injuries were received from a sword (which Hanzo would thereafter give up in favor of the bow).

His torso appears to have been cut diagonally and he retains his left organic arm (at least during Blackwatch).

He has many deep laceration scars on his remaining arm (Blackwatch skin) and face (Dragons short).

There appears to be a medical need for his lower face and forehead to not be purely organic.

His voice sounds somewhat electronic.

His eyes appear different from how they were originally (Young Genji and Sparrow skins) and now inorganic (red irises and glowing pupils on the Blackwatch skin, if that wasn’t enough of an indicator in and of itself that they were changed).

The Shimada Castle tapestry before which Hanzo places his offering in the Dragons short has a single, bloodied slice in it in the bottom left corner.

So, given this evidence to work with, this is what I personally picture as having happened:

The slice through the torso was almost certainly the disabling blow – I don’t care how spunky this little fucking ninja is, he’s not the Black Knight from Monty Python and he’s not going to keep fighting. If we assume the slice in the tapestry was from the same slice that cut Genji in two (and for the sake of theatricality, that’s probably what the designers had in mind), for this slash to align with Genji’s wounds he would have had to be standing with his back to the swinger (as illustrated in an easy to understand way here).

These two factors are related because someone who has their back to their attacker is almost certainly not trying to aggressively engage them; they’re instead either trying to run away, or are completely unaware they’re going to be attacked. If Genji had been trying to run away at this moment he would’ve been running into a wall, and judging by his character alone he would take a duel over an escape attempt anyway. Ergo: Genji was unexpectant and the disabling blow was the first blow, and therefore any other injury happened after it. This is possibly further supported by the fact that Hanzo appears to have walked away from the conflict physically unscathed, implying that for whatever reason Genji did not put up much of a fight.

Now you would, like Hanzo probably did, expect that being cut in half would result in almost immediate death – in most cases you’d probably be right too, but seeing as Genji survived, this was apparently not the case. In the accounts that I’ve read (and admittedly I’ve not read that many on the subject as I’ve not specifically seeked them out, so take this with a grain of anecdotal salt I suppose), people who were not immediately killed by having their torsos severed maintained consciousness a surprising amount of the time (like this [CW: graphic text descriptions] firsthand account of a man who, after losing his lower body to a train, talks about how he was still conscious and aware enough to make a phone call and speak to first respondents).

I don’t know about you, but if I tried to murder a man by slicing him in half and he not only didn’t lose consciousness immediately, but also started trying to speak to me like the man in that article could, I’d promptly shit myself.

And that’s what I figure Hanzo did if this too was the situation.

The lacerations other than the one across the torso appear to be indiscriminate, and would not have given Hanzo any sort of advantage in killing his brother that something more direct (like the severing of the neck) might have had; thus, they were probably done without clear thought and/or intention (whether that be from Hanzo or the designer is questionable, but this is my headcanon so I’m working with what I’ve got here).

So back to Hanzo, who – already likely emotionally compromised enough by the fact that he has just sliced his sibling in two – now has 1/5th of a fully awake brother that’s probably looking him dead in the eye, if not also trying to speak to him.

Hanzo doesn’t like this.

Hanzo wants this to stop.

Hanzo’s panicked, distraught brain does the math:

1 moving, possibly talking face + 1 sword = -1 moving, possibly talking face

Hanzo, a self-professed expert in mathematical fields such as geometry, knows this to be an accurate equation and lets it guide his hand.

If something such as Genji looking or speaking to him were bothering Hanzo in particular, he might prioritize aiming for his eyes, mouth, and throat (which would necessitate that they might be prostheticized in the future, hint hint). During this time, Genji might be holding up his remaining arm in self defense, which would result in it also receiving lacerations; foregoing that, as raising his arm might not be within his ability at that moment even if still conscious, a recklessly swinging sword is very much at risk for hitting things around its intended target as is.

Hanzo clearly believed his brother to be dead for ten years afterwards, meaning he either left him in a state he would assume to be eventually fatal, or saw a lack of consciousness take over that he assumed was death. If he were was indeed in some sort of panicked frenzy, for him to calm down he would likely need some sort of deescalation – such as the assumption he had witnessed expiry.

What would happen after that I can’t hypothesize as clearly, but I think it’s fair to say he probably left Genji’s body where it lay and went to go disassociate somewhere else (or whatever it is distraught fratricidal people do) – hence allowing Overwatch agents access to it without his knowing. I’m not entirely sure how Overwatch got access to Genji’s body, but my current guesses would either be the other clan members tried to get rid of the body and the agents were able to retrieve it from where it was hidden without the clan’s knowledge, or the very person(s) tasked with getting rid of it were in fact undercover agents.

[acavatica]

Animorphs October: 06 First Date

“You know, usually when two guys are in the same bathroom stall, it’s for more fun reasons than the eternal struggle against the button fly,” Marco said. He glanced up at Ax, who was doing a great job pretending the ceiling tiles were at least as fascinating as last year’s Farmer’s Almanac. Marco went back to work on the remaining four buttons. “Why did Rachel even buy you pants with a button fly? No, never mind. I know she did it specifically to annoy me.”

“I don’t understand. Sssstan-duh.”

“This is what humans call a cockblock. A very literal execution of the concept,” Marco said. “Which is ironic, because I would not be getting so up close and personal on our first date if not for this button situation. I’m a gentleman.”

Ax furrowed his brow and puffed out a small sigh. “I believe I now understand even less. If that was an attempt at an ex-ks-ks-planation, I’m afraid you should continue to search for a more appropriate vocation. Vo-kay-shun.”

Marco snorted and shook his head. “Don’t worry about it and stop fidgeting.”

Ax held his breath and looked back up at the ceiling.

Ax had had to leave in the middle of dinner to demorph. After asking for more of those heavenly cheddar biscuits two times, Marco had decided he should probably go check on him. He’d made a lot of progress after two years of trial and error with “the illogical human convention of clothing,” but even Ax had his limits. A button fly was already advanced-level illogical clothing, even without the added complication of Ax’s Andalite claustrophobia in a bathroom stall.

Marco finished buttoning Ax’s pants and gave him a once-over. If Rachel could be counted on for one thing, it was that she was ready for a fight, no questions asked. If she could be counted on for one more thing, it was that she was going to pick out a great date outfit. The first time Marco had seen Ax tonight, he’d felt like the breath had been knocked out of him.

Now Ax was looking down at Marco, his eyes on Marco’s hands, which still lingered at Ax’s waist. Marco grinned at the way Ax flushed and chewed his lip. Slowly and carefully, he buttoned Ax’s shirt buttons, starting from the bottom. He left two unbuttoned and ran the shirt lapels between his fingers, straightening them. He could tell it was expensive. Another thing Rachel could be counted on for. Marco tugged gently on Ax’s fancy lapels, pulling his face down closer. He froze at the sound of the bathroom door opening and swore under his breath.

“You okay in there?” Marco recognized their server’s voice because she had given him a total of twelve cheddar biscuits. She probably thought they were trying to dine and dash. Not that Marco had never thought of enjoying a complimentary roll or chips and then leaving, but his dad actually had credit now.

“We need no assistance! Stents!” Ax stated authoritatively. Marco ground his forehead into Ax’s sternum. At least the shirt was soft, and at this distance Marco could really appreciate the fine pattern in the weave. He could probably come up with some way to make fun of Rachel to let her know he noticed by Monday.

“Listen, I don’t get paid enough to deal with this,” she said, her voice strained. “I just need to know if I should seat someone at your table or not.”

“No, we’re done in here,” Marco said quickly. “I promise we intend to tip generously. Just please leave and pretend this didn’t happen.”

The server sighed loudly, but Marco heard her shut the door behind her. Marco sighed and leaned back into the stall door. Ax was frowning. “I am sorry --”

Marco put his hand up. “Don’t, dude. This was my idea. Let’s just get back to our table before she tells a manager or calls the cops.”

“Have we broken the law?” Ax asked as Marco led him by the hand back to their table.

“Only laws of decency,” Marco said, settling back into the booth and stirring his raspberry lemonade with his straw. “At least I think.”

Marco opened the heavy menu again, scanning the entrees and trying not to worry about the prices. His dad had handed over his credit card and said I’m not giving you a limit, but I trust you not to overdo it. Marco’s life had done such a 180 in the last two years. He’d gone from having no money and barely having a dad, to being better off than ever with an overcompensating, trying-too-hard dad. He’d gone from having a dead mom to having a stepmom-slash-wannabe-tutor who wasn’t great at the whole “respecting his boundaries” thing and a real mom who was an alien slave. He’d gone from having the normal kind of shitty life to having to make the conscious choice, every moment, not to start running and never stop.

He looked up at Ax. He’d gone from having a pathetic crush on his best friend to having a hot-but-bizarre, literal space alien boyfriend. So at least some things were looking up, sometimes, kind of.

“What were you thinking?” he said. “My dad and I usually get the big combo meal and split it but, uh, you know. Order whatever you want.”

“I have not tried most of this food. Foo-duh. Duh,” Ax answered, looking down at the menu like normal people would have looked at calculus problems. “What is a langostino? Lan-go-steee-no.”

“It’s not a real lobster. If you really wanna relive old times, get this.” Marco reached over and pointed at the picture of the whole lobster on Ax’s menu. Ax’s eyes went wide in recognition. Marco grinned and looked Ax in the eye. “They kill it for you here.”

“Humans are horrible,” Ax said, wrinkling his nose and lips in a way Marco thought was really cute until he realized it was Cassie’s “changing bandages” face.

“Well if you’re not getting it, I am.” Marco set his menu down. “How else will we know it’s a special occasion?”

“I don’t know,” Ax said, his mouth full of cheddar biscuit. “My date idea -- aye-dee-uhh, dee uhhh -- was scary movies and snacks. Snacksuh. Snax.”

Marco rolled his eyes. “That’s not a date, that’s a Tuesday.”

“Why do humans think they must be less comfortable and experience more stress to have a ‘good time’?” Ax did finger quotes and Marco almost spat out his lemonade.

“It’s the human condition, Ax-man. Maybe someday your people will study us. Hopefully not the dissecting kind of study.”

“No, I believe that is your specialty, if this menu and my firsthand experience are any indication,” Ax said, muffled by the whole biscuit he’d just shoved into his mouth. Ax looked like a hamster storing food in its cheek pouches when the server came to take their order.

Dinner passed fairly uneventfully. Ax had been spending enough time in public with Marco that it’d been awhile since Marco had to give him an “act normal” lecture. Marco could tell Ax was on his best behavior. If he was totally honest, he thought he could tell Ax was on edge. Maybe Marco had overemphasized the importance of the human ritual of the first date. At this point, Marco felt like he knew a lot about Ax. He wasn’t afraid of a lot of things. Why would he be, when he could outrun, outsmart, and outfight almost anyone? But Marco knew he was afraid of being alone and Marco knew he was afraid of disappointing people.

Marco transferred his bag of leftovers to his other hand and took Ax’s in his. Ax was looking up at the pink and purple clouds of the sunset, but Marco watched a smile spread across his lips. The falling light illuminated his hair like a halo, highlighting the reddish undertones in his brown hair and skin. Marco had always thought Ax was pretty, but he seemed even prettier now that Marco didn’t have to hide that he thought so.

“You wanna take a walk through the botanical garden?” Marco asked. They were walking leisurely in no specific direction, but it was only a short detour off Ortega. “How much time do you have?”

“Approximately seventy-six of your minutes,” Ax said. “I like the botanical garden. Cassie has taken me there. There are many unique species of flowers and trees. Yoo-neek tr-tr-treee-zuh.”

Marco tried to hide his disappointment that their first date wouldn’t be Ax’s first time there. “Well, I think I can show you a better time than Cassie.”

“I hope so,” Ax said seriously. “A duck took my churro.”

Marco led them to the park. It was tiny, but it had lots of walking paths, lots of little nooks to duck into, and enough plants that even nature freaks like Cassie were into it. Marco’s mom had been into it too, which is how he knew about it. He’d avoided it for the two years he thought she was dead. It was one of the only good things about finding out she was actually worse than dead. At least now he didn’t have to add twenty minutes to his walk to school to avoid one city block.

He’d actually always fantasized about bringing a date to this park. In his fantasies, the date had always either been a hot girl or Jake. Technically, Ax was something like three-quarters that, give or take, so Marco had to count this as a success.

Ax reached out with his free hand and ran his fingertips over the Braille letters underneath the sign for the sensory garden. Marco raised a brow and pulled at Ax’s other hand. He didn’t want to get into this again.

“No, I like this part,” Ax said obstinately. He pulled Marco in the other direction and Marco was compelled to move forward. He yanked his hand away and crossed his arms, but followed. Nothing pissed him off more than people moving him without his permission because he was small.

Ax was taking his time, touching all the differently-textured plants almost like a ritual. Marco groaned internally that maybe it was and Ax was going to waste all his morph time here instead of where Marco wanted him to go.

Marco decided he felt like gambling. “You know this part of the park is for people with disabilities, right?”

Ax, carefully rubbing a leaf between the fingers on his left hand, turned his head to look sharply at Marco. “I do. Cassie explained it to me when she brought me here.”

“And you like it?” Marco felt like he was standing on the edge of a cliff. His heart was racing and there was no way to know if it was from excitement or anxiety. Everything felt the same now, anyway.

Ax frowned and all Marco could think was how pretty his lips were and how much he wanted to kiss them, if Ax would just cooperate. “If my people had different attitudes, this garden has a very appealing concept. The mixed textures and vibrant colors are very Andalite. I wish it were possible for me to come here in my natural body. My usual sense of touch is much more refined than a human’s.”

“Ax. Are you finally admitting Andalites are wrong about something?” Marco said, stunned.

“Marco. You are a brilliant tactician.”

“What’s your point?”

“I am just surprised that the same person can be so competent at battle strategy and also so absolutely lacking in interpersonal tact,” Ax said dryly. He added, under his breath, “It is almost impressive.”

A light feeling fluttered up from low in Marco’s stomach up to his chest, making him sigh deeply. He took Ax’s hand again and walked backward toward where he wanted to take him. “Come with me.”

Ax didn’t protest, and instead he squeezed Marco’s hand as he followed. Marco led Ax down a winding path that led almost to the edge of the man made pond in the middle of the park. He picked a bench that was at the furthest point between two streetlights, shrouded by long fronds of some big plant with red bunches of flowers. The dim lights shimmered off the light ripples in the water. The spot he’d chosen was right in front of a cluster of lily pads. In the faint light of the waning sunset, they were almost indistinguishable from the reflections of the palms, creating an illusion that the sky was full of flowers.

“I like this park,” Ax said, his voice almost a whisper. “These floating plants remind me of my home.”

Marco set his leftovers down next to the bench and pulled Ax down almost into his lap. Marco leaned forward, bracing himself on the bench with one hand. He put a knee on either side of Ax’s leg and pushed gently on Ax’s chest until he could climb over him enough to kiss him. Ax kissed back immediately and pulled Marco in deeper with a hand on the back of his neck. Marco felt like he was melting from the inside out and let his body settle on top of Ax.

This was their first date but it definitely wasn’t their first kiss. If you looked up the word “oral fixation” in the dictionary, there would be a picture of Ax’s human morph off to the side. Ax had become a very experienced kisser in the couple months they’d been doing whatever it was that two child soldiers do when they pretend to be normal kids who kiss sometimes. They kissed a lot. Ax wasn’t just into fun mouth experiences, though. Ax was tuned into Marco’s responses like he’d been trained to monitor the sensor array that was the small sounds Marco made and the way he gasped and went still when Ax did something right. This was a kid who apparently slept through all his classes but not his practicals.

Marco put one hand on Ax’s cheek and the other he buried in Ax’s soft, coily hair. At the touch, Ax moaned into his mouth. He nibbled at Marco’s lower lip and thrust his tongue deeper. The sounds of crickets, frogs, birds, water, everything around them was all drowned out by the pulse Marco could feel through his whole body and their rough breaths. Every inch of Marco’s skin was alight and Ax’s fingertips felt like they could have traced a burn into him. Ax’s hand stopped at Marco’s hip, pulling him closer. Ax shifted, moving his knee up so that his thigh pressed between Marco’s legs. Marco gasped, tightened his hand in Ax’s hair, and buried his face in the crook of Ax’s neck.

Click!

There was a blinding flash and Marco was on his feet, one arm blocking the light from his face, his other hand a fist. His heart was pounding in his throat and his body went from overheated to ice cold. He blinked into the light, trying to make out what had… interrupted their makeout.

“What are you kids doing?” The beam of light lowered and Marco was able to take in the broad man and his black uniform. A cop. Not a Hork-Bajir. Not Visser Three. A fucking cop. Not that he couldn’t be a Controller. Not that he wasn’t dangerous even if he wasn’t.

“We are on a date. Day-tuh,” Ax explained. “This is an outing between two people who share mutual romantic interest. Ssstuh. We are both male, which is a source of friction in your society. Tee. Sci-eh-tee. However, we are just trying to have a good time. We are both young and restless.”

“God,” Marco couldn’t help but whisper. He pulled his numb hands down his face before holding them up where the cop could see them. His mouth was suddenly dry. He ran his tongue over his teeth and swallowed. “Officer. Sir. We were just about to go home. Can… can we leave?”

The officer squinted at Ax and frowned. He shined his light directly in Ax’s eyes, which made him flinch and made Marco have to swallow the fire in his throat. “Are you high?”

“No, sir,” Marco answered quickly before Ax could make it worse, keeping his tone even despite his body feeling like it was about to shake apart. “English isn’t his first language. Please, we need to get home, my dad’s expecting us.”

“Where do you live?”

Marco took a deep breath. His mom had grown up in a police state and she hadn’t left her son with nothing. “Are we being detained, officer?” he said carefully, like he had practiced it. Because he had, when he was eight years old.

The cop clicked his flashlight back off and waved it toward the park’s exit. “You’re free to go. But keep that --” He gestured up and down at them with the flashlight. “In private from now on.”

Marco grabbed Ax by the wrist and walked rapidly away, checking over his shoulder until the cop started walking in the other direction. Marco was panting by the time they reached the park exit. His ears were ringing. His eyes were burning. He felt like screaming.

“Are you okay?” Ax asked.

Marco tightened his hand around Ax’s wrist until the skin surrounding his grip turned white. “No, I’m not fucking okay, Ax! I go out with you all the time and you could get us killed every single time. Even if that cop was one hundred percent grade A, Yeerk-free human, we’re two gay brown kids and he’s a cop. You’ve got to learn when to keep your mouth shut!”

Ax blinked blankly at Marco like he’d just watched him kick Nora’s fucking dog across the room. Immediately, Marco’s stomach dropped and he felt like he was crashing in on himself. He let Ax go.

“Dude. Sorry. I’m sorry.” Marco sat down, right there on the sidewalk, and put his head between his knees. He tried to catch his breath. “And I forgot my fucking linguine.”

Ax hesitated, then sat down next to Marco. He didn’t touch him, and Marco was grateful. “I put forth substantial effort,” Ax said finally. “But I believe this date has been what humans call a ‘clusterfuck.’”

Marco looked up at Ax, his mouth hanging open. Like a reflex, a laugh came out of his chest. It was followed by another, until he was cackling helplessly, burying his face into the stupidly soft sleeve of Ax’s shirt. When he was finally able to calm down and sit back up, Ax’s shirt was wet. If Ax noticed, he didn’t say anything.

Marco rubbed roughly at his eyes with the heel of his palm and sniffed. “You gotta be short on time now, huh?”

“Yes,” Ax said. “I only have seventeen of your minutes left in this morph.”

“They’re everyone’s minutes,” Marco said. “You wanna come to my house, reset your time, have some snacks, watch some scary movies?”

“It is not Tuesday,” Ax teased.

“Don’t make me admit you were right all along,” Marco said, letting Ax pull him to his feet.

“Unlike humans,” Ax said, in his usual imperious tone, “Andalites do not seek constant validation.”

Marco rolled his eyes and slipped his hand back into Ax’s as they walked home.

[bitchymcsnipe]

The Psychology of Hate

She’s not a terrorist.

There’s so much hate going around targeted toward certain groups of people, and I thought it would be helpful to explain why this happens. Human beings are ingrained to fear what’s different than them. I’m sure this was a helpful trait before science and technology when cavemen lived in small tribes with no means of traveling far distances. If a stranger shows up to your camp and there’s not supposed to be anyone around for miles, I’m sure you’d be terrified too. It helped our ancestors distinguish between family members and strangers, which was important back when humans had more primitive brains.

But let’s be real: there’s no good excuse these days to be afraid of different cultures. You can read about different cultures without leaving your house. We don’t live in small segregated circles. We can see all kinds of different people on our TVs and walking around our cities. We can travel to places and see that different people live their lives in different ways. We’re not dumb idiot cavemen with tiny brains who have no goals other than hunt and gather. We have evolved. But sometimes we don’t act like it.

Hate is really just fear wrapped in an angry wrapper. People are afraid of Muslims because a tiny percentage of them are bad. Does that make any sense? NO! You are way more likely to die in a car accident than a terrorist attack. If you were thinking logically, you would be FAR more terrified of cars than Muslims. Are terrorists bad? Of course they are! Muslims don’t like terrorists either. But we stereotype. Terrorists are Muslims, and that means Muslims are bad. Um, no. That’s wrong. There are millions and millions of peaceful Muslims all around the world who did nothing to deserve this hate.

The best way to combat hate/fear is to educate. To inform. To have a conversation with someone and explain a different point of view to them. They have to work through the hate/fear and realize that their fear makes ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE. I’ve seen firsthand how this works. I used to work with adults with disabilities, and I had a few clients with cerebral palsy. Cerebral palsy is a muscular disorder, which means people who have cerebral palsy are just like you and me, only their muscles don’t work great. They’re not mentally disabled, they’re not weirder than anyone else, they just have trouble walking. I got to know these people that I worked with, and they were no different than anyone. They were sharp, they were funny, they were great to talk to. But I had experience being around them. I’ve never looked twice at anyone I saw struggling to walk because I understood what they were going through.

When I went out with my clients with cerebral palsy, I’d see people look at them strangely. I saw the stigma that they faced, people not wanting to get too close because they didn’t understand why this person was struggling to walk. Or why they talked weird. (For the record, they talk weird because the tongue is a muscle and as they get older, they struggle to control their tongues just like their other muscles…thus making it harder to talk.) I always tried to smile at people who made eye contact with me when I was out with my clients. If somebody was staring nearby, I would try joking with my client, laugh at their jokes, have a normal conversation that the person staring could hear. I always tried to show people that hanging out with someone who has cerebral palsy is just like hanging out with anyone else. They might just need a helping hand to the car.

Sometimes I’d be out with a friend and we’d see someone struggling to walk. The person I’m with would say something like, “OMG why is that person walking so weird???” Remember, this isn’t hate…it’s really fear. It’s a lack of understanding. As soon as I said calmly, “Oh they probably have a muscular disorder like cerebral palsy. It makes it hard for them to walk because they can’t control their muscles,” the person would go OHHHH ok. And that would be it. They’re no longer afraid because they understand.

It’s becoming more and more important every day to share our knowledge. Some people don’t want to listen to science or logic or common sense, and there’s not much you can do about that. But I believe there are a good amount of people who might change their minds if they were educated about things. So get out there and spread facts. Stand up to ignorance and tell people why what they’re saying doesn’t make sense. Don’t give in to their hate. We are stronger together.

[iambelievinggod]

(The following post was written by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, author of “Hope Prevails” and the “Hope Prevails Bible Study”.  Depression is a growing issue in our society.  Dr. Bengston is not only a neuropsychologist she also suffered from depression. Her book is an authoritative look at how God’s Word can pull you from the dregs of despair into the joy of hope.)

[Dr. Michelle Bengston} I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know how I’d gotten to this place. I was the doctor. I was supposed to have the answers. I was supposed to be immune.

  That’s just it, no one is immune from the possibility of depression. It attacks regardless of age, gender, ethnicity, religion, or socioeconomic status.

  I avoided his eyes, as I stared out the car window, my body frozen in place by fear. Not sure I wanted to go on living, but not really wanting to die either. I just wanted the pain to end.

  “Honey, I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to do to help…” my husband declared upon hearing my desperate condition.

  If my life was going to be this painful and bleak, I wasn’t sure I wanted to continue enduring more of the same, and I told him so.

  He was scared, and I was scared. I just wanted someone to tell me everything was going to be all right, and for that to be the truth. He just wanted me to promise him that I was going to be all right, and yet I could make no promises at that point.

  ~~~

  Depression.  It cuts to the core and shatters lives. Yet it can’t be seen from the outside and it’s often misunderstood.

  By the year 2020, depression will be our greatest epidemic worldwide. It already is our greatest cause of disability worldwide. In the United States alone, nearly 20 million Americans are diagnosed with depression every year…that amounts to one in ten adults being diagnosed every year. And in their lifetime, one in four people will be diagnosed. So if you have not suffered from this painful, debilitating condition, chances are, you know or love one who has or does.

  But what about when you’re the one who is suffering?

  Trying to adequately describe depression to someone else who has never had the misfortune to suffer its torment, is like trying to describe a circus to a blind person. And yet, when we suffer in depression’s darkness, we rely on the love and compassion of friends and family to help traverse to the other side—the very ones who, although they try, may not understand.

  One of the best descriptions of depression to which I ever related was, “Depression is like drowning—except you can see everyone else around you breathing.”

  When you’re depressed you just want others to understand. Here are a few things you can explain to aid in their understanding:

    Depression is a medical condition. It’s classified as a “mental illness” because it is impacted by the neurotransmitters in the brain, but the brain is an organ just like the heart or the lungs. As such, someone suffering with depression can’t just “snap out of it” or “think positively” any more than they could “snap out of it” or “think positively” to cure their diabetes or epilepsy.

  While depression is a mental illness that affects our emotions, it has physical consequences as well. When most people think about depression, they think about someone with a sad mood, who cries, and perhaps stays in bed too much. But depression can impact a person physically too. It brings with it considerable fatigue, decreased energy, concentration difficulty, sleep and appetite changes, and sometimes even aches and pains. Little things like taking a shower or brushing teeth can feel like weighty, monumental tasks. Please adjust your expectations accordingly.

  Depression doesn’t fall along the normal continuum of emotions, and it’s much more than sadness—it is outside the realm of what would be considered normal for the situation. It isn’t a case of the Sunday night blues, or reasonable frustration when things don’t go as planned. It’s far more serious—that’s why it’s categorized as an “illness.” As such, we can’t be expected to “feel better in the morning.” It can take weeks or months or years to overcome, especially without adequate treatment.

  Nobody chooses to be depressed—it is a painful, debilitating condition. Yet sometimes the treatment to get well invokes fear in those who suffer. Research has shown that sometimes, we are motivated by fear to stay in our known misery rather than face the misery of the unknown—regardless of how good the ultimate outcome might be.

  Success is irrelevant—when one is depressed, prior successes and accomplishments to date are irrelevant and do nothing to buoy spirits. At any other time, I believe gratitude is a very important character trait. But when someone is depressed, encouraging us to remember “how good we have it” or “how far we’ve come” does nothing to minimize the suffocating pain we feel. I can almost guarantee we’d trade those successes in for a guaranteed life of peace and joy in a heartbeat.

  Comparison is the thief of joy—in your attempt to try to encourage and motivate a depressed loved one, it isn’t helpful to compare our situation to how much worse someone else is suffering. It won’t make a loved one feel any better about our situation, nor will it lessen our darkness. It will only induce guilt and prompt frustration and anger, further intensifying the magnitude of our despair when we are now convinced you don’t understand or empathize with our pain.

  We just need to be heard. Depression can feel lonely and isolating, and even a bit frightening. While you might be worrying about having the right thing to say, we just want the opportunity to be together, to share, and to be heard without needing you to say anything or try to fix it. We don’t want to be anyone’s project. Sometimes we just need to be validated that we are still cared about and found worthy even when we don’t feel it.

  We need your presence–When a loved one is navigating the pain of depression, your presence means more than perfect words. The gift of your presence lends strength when they feel weak. It offers togetherness and community when they feel scared and alone. It provides acceptance when they feel worthless and rejected. Don’t search for the perfect words, just be a sustaining presence and you will be remembered for your role in the journey to the other side of the dark valley.

  As one who is struggling with depression, we have to extend grace to those who haven’t walked that road and who don’t understand. It’s not their fault. Let’s help educate and be part of the solution.

  But most of all, when it feels like your closest friends and loved ones don’t understand, remember that God does. You aren’t alone—He promises to never leave you or forsake you. He also promises that he is close to the brokenhearted and rescues those who are crushed in spirit. Lean on Him—He’s the best source of comfort and support you could ever have!

  Because of Him, #HopePrevails!

    For a Free eBook on How to Help a Depressed Loved One, click here: http://drmichellebengtson.com/how-to-help-a-depressed-loved-one-ebook/

  For more helpful information about what you need to know when you have a depressed loved one, read here: http://drmichellebengtson.com/10-things-to-know-if-you-have-a-depressed-loved-one/

  For more about what not to say to a depressed loved one, read here: http://drmichellebengtson.com/what-not-to-say-when-a-loved-one-is-depressed/ while here are suggestions about supportive things you can say to a depressed loved one: http://drmichellebengtson.com/what-to-say-when-a-loved-one-is-depressed/

  Dr. Michelle Bengtson (PhD, Nova Southeastern University) is an international speaker, and the author of best-selling “Hope Prevails: Insights From a Doctor’s Personal Journey Through Depression” and the newly released companion “Hope Prevails Bible Study.”  She has been a neuropsychologist for more than twenty years. She is in private practice in Southlake, Texas where she evaluates, diagnoses, and treats children and adults with a variety of medical and mental health disorders. She knows pain and despair firsthand and combines her professional expertise and personal experience with her faith to address issues surrounding medical and mental disorders, both for those who suffer and for those who care for them. She offers sound practical tools, affirms worth, and encourages faith. Dr. Bengtson offers hope as a key to unlock joy and relief—even in the middle of the storm. She and her husband of 30 years have two teenage sons, and reside in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area. She blogs regularly on her own site: http://www.DrMichelleBengtson.com

  For more hope, stay connected with me at:

To order Hope Prevails: http://drmichellebengtson.com/hope-prevails-book/

Website: http://www.DrMichelleBengtson.com

Blog: http://drmichellebengtson.com/category/blog/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrMichelleBengtson

Twitter: http://www.Twitter.com/DrMBengtson (@DrMBengtson)

LinkedIn: http://www.LinkedIn.com/in/DrMichelleBengtson

Google+: http://www.google.com/+MichelleBengtson

Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/drmichellebengtson

Pinterest:  http://www.Pinterest.com/Drbhopeprevails

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCn92DHzGSZk8psDb2FKazOQ

To order Hope Prevails from Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Hope-Prevails-Insights-Personal-Depression/dp/080072707X/

              How to Share About Your Depression With Your Loved Ones (The following post was written by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, author of "Hope Prevails" and the "Hope Prevails Bible Study".

[pastorhogg]

5 Female Change Makers

Editor’s Note: This article is part of “Change Makers,” our recent CT special issue focused on some of the ways women are influencing the church, their communities, and the world. In this special issue, we’ve included articles that explore trends in women’s discipleship, examine research on women and workplace leadership, highlight women who are making a difference, and grapple with the unique challenges female leaders face. Click here to download your own free digital copy of “Change Makers.”

Chuck Norris is a big reason why Talitha Phillips first took the helm of Claris Health. Back in 2001, the actor and his wife were expecting twins, and they asked Phillips to work for them as a night nurse when the babies arrived.

Shortly before, Phillips had been offered the role of center director of California-based Claris, which provides comprehensive services to those facing unintended pregnancies. But she was only a year out of college and had large school loans to pay off. Taking on a half-time role at a nonprofit didn’t seem possible. She remembers praying, God, if you want me to work at this place, you need to make this happen.Then along came Norris and his expanding family, who provided the financial means Phillips needed in order to pursue a line of work that captivated her for deeply personal reasons.

Just a few years earlier, Phillips had gotten pregnant at the age of 19. At a local women’s clinic, she was told, “You’re so young. You have your whole life ahead of you. We can make this go away.” Feeling trapped trapped, she made the only decision she thought she could: an abortion.

Talitha Phillips, Claris Health

Having an abortion haunted Phillips for two years, until she happened upon an ad for a post-abortion support group. “When I finally got up the courage to call, it was the most life-changing moment,” Phillips remembers. She had feared that she was the only “good Christian girl” who’d had an abortion. Instead, the kind woman on the other end of the line told her, “You’re not alone. There are other women and girls who have been through this. Would you like to meet them?”

That support group was hosted by a small organization called Claris Health. There, Phillips experienced profound healing and transformation as a client. She later became a volunteer and today is the CEO of the rapidly expanding organization—putting her in a fairly small group of women who lead Christian nonprofits.

A lack of female leadership

Despite being the dominant workforce in the nonprofit sector as a whole—making up as much as 75 percent of employees—women still lag behind men in nonprofit leadership positions. Across the US, women compose about half of nonprofit board members and one-third of nonprofit CEOs. In organizations with budgets exceeding $10 million, those numbers drop to 40 percent and less than 25 percent, respectively.

Unfortunately, evangelical nonprofits have even less female representation in leadership. According to a recent study by Gordon College and the Imago Dei Fund, women occupy leadership positions in evangelical nonprofits at less than half the rate as the overall nonprofit sector: “Only 5 percent of Christian colleges had women serving as presidents, and only 5 percent of large nonprofits (with budgets over $10 million) had women serving as CEOs and presidents.” This puts evangelical nonprofits on par with the business sector, where a Pew Center survey found that just over 5 percent of Fortune 500 CEOs are women.

On top of this, on the whole female nonprofit leaders tend to be paid less than their male counterparts, by anywhere from 8 to 23 percent, according to nonprofit research firm GuideStar.

No wonder, then, that Christian women who end up in nonprofit leadership positions often have to take risks, either financially or professionally, to make their aspirations a reality. They make the most of unexpected opportunities and the encouragement of mentors, and capitalize on whatever professional experience they can gain. Most importantly, though, they are driven to overcome any barriers to entry by a deep and personal passion to address a particular social need—and by their abiding faith in an inclusive, merciful, and just God.

Driven by lived experience

Chantal Huinink of Ontario, Canada, was born with cerebral palsy and spent much of her early years trying to measure up to able-bodied individuals. Then she came to understand that God wanted to use all things in her life for good, “not just the things we like about ourselves.”

Chantal Huinink, Christian horizons

A longtime fan of Joni Eareckson Tada’s music and advocacy work, Huinink took the risk to write her a letter and ask about becoming involved in the work of the international disability ministry Joni and Friends. To Huinink’s great surprise, Tada wrote back and invited her, then a college student, to visit their office in Southern California.

“I knew that God was up to something because it was rather miraculous that I could get the funds together and organize my attendant care so quickly,” she recalls. Even more peculiar were the words she heard herself saying to Tada after she arrived: “Joni, when I'm done with school in December I'm going to come and work with you for three months.” Huinink had no such plans to do this until she said it, but just a few months later, she relocated to California for a three-month internship.

Afterwards, Tada connected Huinink with a like-minded organization in Canada called Christian Horizons. Today she serves as their coordinator of organizational and spiritual life while also studying in seminary, serving as a church elder, and speaking regularly at Joni and Friends events around the world.

“These are not roles that I planned for or pursued,” Huinink says. She began by simply wanting opportunities that utilized her lived experience as a woman with physical disabilities and that served others in a meaningful way.

Jenny Yang’s road toward becoming the senior vice president of advocacy and policy at World Relief also began with a lived experience. The daughter of South Korean immigrants, Yang studied abroad in Spain while a junior at John Hopkins University. Then, as now, the European country was having a fierce internal debate about the many African migrants who were arriving at their borders.

Jenny Yang, World Relief

“It was something I had never thought about,” Yang remembers. While in Spain, she realized that migration is a global phenomenon. “It’s a fundamental aspect of the human experience. It challenges our very thinking about who we are and our attitude toward others and identity.”

Yang clearly recalls riding the subway one day and seeing an African mother with her young children. Soon after, a group of young Spaniards boarded and spray-painted these words on the subway car wall: “Get out of my country, black people!”

“It bothered me to see such blatant racism, but it bothered me even more that no one said anything,” said Yang. That summer, she volunteered with a United Nations refugee program, and later volunteered with World Relief. After two years working for a political consulting company—which honed Yang’s understanding of the political process and effective means of advocacy—she applied for a full-time staff position with World Relief.

Anger and action

Finding one’s calling in the nonprofit sector often involves “wrestling with the question of what makes you angry,” explains Andrea Ramirez, executive director of the Faith and Education Coalition of the National Hispanic Christian Leadership Conference. For Ramirez, the cause of her anger is “seeing smart children who see themselves as unintelligent. I want to connect these children to a body of support and help them know they can love the Lord with all their minds.” She works closely with local church leadership in the majority of states to engage advocates for education equity.

Andrea Ramirez, National Hispanic Christian Leadership Conference

Ramirez has seen firsthand the cost of education inequality. As a graduate student at Dallas Baptist University, she worked as an academic adviser to college students while also serving on a youth ministry team in inner-city Dallas. In a community in which gang involvement and poverty were endemic, many young people were unable to flourish in school.

“I was seeing the dichotomy: I was seeing higher-education students who had gone on a different path and realized that an undergraduate degree was critical for them,” she told CT. “Conversely, I was at prayer meetings where the students would be telling me basically what was going to be on the ten o’clock news that night: how their school had been evacuated or the fears that they were facing.”

Mentoring young people who had to care more about their physical safety than their performance in school fostered a deep desire in Ramirez to work toward better educational opportunities for all children. “I believe in the imago Dei of every child and believe they should have access to high quality education,” she said.

Honoring the image of God in others

This conviction of the God-given value of every individual has been a powerful motivating force for each of these women. For some, their lives were transformed—and their passion for service and justice fostered—because someone else first saw the imago Dei in them at a time when they were vulnerable.

Christine Baingana, Hope International, Rwanda

Talitha Phillips is still fueled by the compassion she received at Claris Health as a client, which was in stark contrast to the one-sided story she heard at the abortion clinic. “I don’t want other girls to ever feel like they only have one option,” she explained. “I want to tell them, ‘You have options, and no matter what you choose, we are going to love you and be there for you and get you through this.’”

Born as a Rwandan refugee in Uganda, Christine Baingana was surrounded by poverty and the strong cultural belief that girls did not deserve an education. Fortunately, her parents valued the welfare of all 15 of their children (including 11 girls). Baingana had the same educational opportunities as her brothers and also learned the same skills—knitting and crocheting—in order to make additional income to help pay for schooling. “I never struggled to be heard,” she explained. “I therefore grew up with a healthy sense of self-worth.”

After working in banking, Baingana was appointed as CEO of Urwego Bank, a program of HOPE International in Rwanda. The organization provides that same sense of empowerment and self-worth to underserved Rwandans through financial services like affordable bank accounts and loans.

But even with her self-confidence, Baingana has struggled as a female leader. “In my leadership journey I have been overlooked, sidelined, ignored, and wrongfully categorized,” she admitted. “However, that does not dissuade me from focusing on delivering. I might have to work double hard and take more years to get there, but I keep on with the full knowledge that I can do more and better, given a chance.”

Intentional advancement

Baingana’s determination speaks to the strong desire to lead that is present among female nonprofit professionals, especially in younger generations. A 2014 survey, published in The Chronicle of Philanthropy, found that 72 percent of women under the age of 34 in the nonprofit sector wanted to be in a top leadership position. But significant barriers to advancement remain, including organizational policies and cultures that tend to favor men over women.

Breaking such institutional inertia requires initiative and intentionality. The Gordon College study recommends several practices to promote more women in leadership, including creating initiatives and setting goals around diversity; having senior leaders actively and vocally affirm women in leadership; and increased training on barriers faced by women.

Yang has personally experienced the benefits of management that actively promotes women leaders. At World Relief, “there’s been a value for women leadership,” she explained. Since joining the organization 12 years ago, she has been intentionally mentored and has had multiple opportunities to move to new positions.

The unique gifts women bring

But for such a path to be possible, existing leaders must believe in the importance of welcoming women into roles of influence. “Diversity is an asset. It’s not a detriment,” Yang asserts. “Any time you have a variety of voices at table, that strengthens decision-making and capacity.” She believes female representation is particularly relevant for nonprofits, where women are almost always part of the target clientele. “It’s important that the people you serve and work with see people in the organization who look like them.”

As both clients and nonprofit leaders, women “think differently and bring a unique perspective,” says Ramirez. “We represent a part of the body of Christ. When we’re not present, all that is absent.”

Case in point: When asked about effective leadership, all five women spoke of the importance of humility and collaboration. “Leadership is not about knowing and doing everything. It is about relying on those that know more than you in a given area, learning to trust one’s team, and focusing on fostering unity,” Baingana said.

Their Christ-like humility and the value they place on the contributions of others may very well stem from the fact that these five leaders recognize they did not make it this far on their own. Often in strange and unexpected ways, God has provided opportunities, relationships, and experiences that have uniquely equipped them to recognize the suffering of others and to offer their gifts in the hope of alleviating that suffering.

And wherever God calls these remarkable women, along with countless others like them, they bring life to those in need—whether they are refugees, pregnant women, students, people with disabilities, or other underserved populations. “I believe women, whether they are moms or not, have been given the ability to give life,” Ramirez said. “We help to birth ideas and organizations and new insights.”

They simply need more opportunities to do so.

Dorcas Cheng-Tozun is an award-winning writer and editor from Silicon Valley who has lived in mainland China, Hong Kong, and Kenya. Start, Love, Repeat, her book about marriage and entrepreneurship, will be released by Hachette Center Street in November 2017.

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