#I don’t mind admitting that my mental illness has had a direct impact on my dental hygiene

[luckyredeyes]

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[lettrespromises]

┄───➤   LettresPromises informs you : you have one notification. ❜

──➤ 𝐋𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐎𝐁𝐉𝐄𝐂𝐓 : 𝐄𝐌𝐎𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐀𝐍 𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒.

──➤ Smoker sent you a letter, would you like to read it? ❜

@theastroooooworld​ sent a letter : ❝hello my lover 🧚🏼‍♀️, i hope you are well no matter when you see this request !since i love above all your writing, could you make a scenario with another love of my life : Smoker ? in which this angel becomes aware that he loves his best friend from childhood, but this confuses him a lot and he ends up not knowing how to act with her anymore and until he decides to tell her ? please make it very sweet and full of good vibes ! I trust you once again for this declaration of love !𓊕 — juste entre nous deux; tu es une personne formidable et j'avais juste besoin de te le dire, je t'aime fort 💜🤸🏼‍♀️❞

the author’s letter :  ❝dear cam, i couldn’t be more honored of writing this request for you, especially because it concerns smoker and he has no business being this hot but oh well!! thank you for trusting me with your wonderful idea, i hope you’ll enjoy this promised letter. je t’aime si fort, t’es plus qu’incroyable et j’aimerai que tu le saches.❞

──➤ 𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞 : pure fluff. ─➤ 𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 : none. ➤ 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 : 2.6K. Excerpt of the letter :  ❝Only then did he realize that he had never felt an agonizing sensation of vacuity coursing through his veins when he was feeling frustrated. It was odd, it was foreign, he felt weak. His subconscious screamed at him to associate this haunting feeling of loneliness to the lack of your presence, and for once he agreed— Smoker knew he felt different, in the worst way possible, when you were not around, so he let out another puff of smoke.❞

Is there anything Smoker won’t put words around? Yes, there is.

There is the consuming rage fueled by his unquenched thirst to capture more pirates and bring his status of « white hunter » closer to glory. But he reminds himself that perhaps some pirates deserve to be set free as his orbs lay on the poster of Monkey D. Luffy and the letters of the word « wanted » screaming at him. There is the sense of injustice within the epitome of justice, such acerbic poetry, and the cacophony of remorses making his jaw clench every now and then. There is the frustration of acknowledging that there will forever be a gap between his own definition of justice and his superiors’ definition of justice, particularly Akainu’s version which appears too merciless to his own liking.

And there is the haunting torment of being incapable of qualifying properly his feelings.

He knows what anger feels like— he knows how anger bends his body, he knows that anger will push his sanity down a pit and he will have to sit here and observe an unhinged version of himself crawl out of said pit.

He knows what indifference feels like— but he barely realizes that his eyes roll back whenever his superior wishes, yet again, to narrow the notion of freedom within justice, he knows that his brain purposefully decides not to absorb any given information pooling out of Akainu’s mouth.

Smoker knows how his emotions manifest themselves and recognizes them kinesthetically.

But Smoker also fails to identify the newcomers.

« State your name and business before coming in. » It also seems that he has trouble recognizing the five distinct taps of your knuckles on the door leading to his office, but oh well.

Your knuckles brush the wooden surface of the door until reaching the doorknob and twisting it in the process, you close the door behind you, leaving his pseudo orders waiting in front of the door at the same time. « I’m kind of hurt, I thought you’d recognize my secret knocking style, we’ve spent ages creating this secret language as kids. »

But how could Smoker not recognize the sound of your voice and the honey dripping down your vocal cords?

He shifted in his seat, secretly thanking for your presence so his orbs could properly project a different visual than the bland reports scattered across his desk, and he thanked you a second time for allowing him to visually embrace the shape of your body, but he kept that to himself. « Should I give you a reminder of how old we are, Y/N? I’m almost certain we’re way past that age. » Smoker stated, a puff of smoke punctuated the end of his sentence.

« No doubt, you’re definitely past that age. » You trailed off whilst making your way over to his desk, a grin which radiated ill intentions shone brought amongst your facial features. You made a seat out of his desk without asking for permission, Smoker lightly tapped your left thigh in return, a weak attempt to make you get off of his desk. The experience granted by having shared the majority of your life with Smoker offered you the prestige of being free of your own deeds around him, without ever having to worry about pseudo consequences. « But I do have amazing news for you, I’m sure you’ll love it. » You finished, an amused gleam shining in the irises of your eyes at his quirked eyebrow, a silent way to tell you to explain further.

« I’m coming with you and Tashigi on Punk Hazard! Now, now… I know your emotionless self won’t let it show but I know, I just know you’re thrilled to hear that. » You slammed the report proving the sincerity of your words regarding your presence on the mission held on Punk Hazard on his desk in a loud thud, and the proudest grin appeared across your face, just to emphasize that silent victory over Smoker who had always refused to go on a mission with you, but never once did he admit it was because he was afraid of seeing you getting hurt.

Another puff of smoke left his lips, out of frustration, he recognized that he was feeling frustrated because of the way his teeth would hold his cigars a bit tighter, often approaching the limit of breaking them in two.

« You seem so eager to come on Punk Hazard, but I don’t think you realize how dangerous this mission is. » He grumbled, his eyes finding yours lost amongst the metaphorical electricity created in the room because of the tension. Smoker couldn’t quite tell what frustrated him the most— was it the fact that Akainu, out of all people, granted you the wish to come on Punk Hazard? Was it the fact he envied your ability to willingly ignore the magnitude of danger? Or was it the fact you called him emotionless?

Emotionless.

Smoker wasn’t emotionless, see— he was feeling frustrated. But, nonetheless, the words echoed in his head until it lost its meaning. Was he emotionless? No, no, no he was not. Smoker was not emotionless. He was frustrated, frustration is a valid feeling therefore is he able to show emotions. But only now did he wonder if it was genuine frustration.

« I didn’t reach this rank by slacking off, you and I both know it. I’ll see you soon enough, Smoker. »

He found his own answer when you hopped off his desk and left the room, the sound of the door being shut close was his sole wake-up call. Only then did he realize that he had never felt an agonizing sensation of vacuity coursing through his veins when he was feeling frustrated. It was odd, it was foreign, he felt weak. His subconscious screamed at him to associate this haunting feeling of loneliness to the lack of your presence, and for once he agreed— Smoker knew he felt different, in the worst way possible, when you were not around, so he let out another puff of smoke.

This enigma kept him up at the worst moments, and like every enigma, obtaining an answer to soothe the inner pain caused by the latest obsession of his mind was almost impossible. He immediately knew he couldn’t talk about it to Hina, or worse, Tashigi. Either way, he was sure to be met with either a harsh judgement and could already imagine Hina saying « You’ve mellowed ever since we joined the navy, Hina is amused. » or the inevitable stutters cascading from Tashigi’s mouth. Smoker was on his own, drown in the torment of his own emotions.

The sole temporary solution he found was to ignore you, if his body and mind had to hurt then so be it, he couldn’t handle the agonizing pain of seeing you go away, Smoker had mentally told himself to be a martyr and accept it.

You, on the other one hand, did not bother too much about his absence, you figured it was his way to mentally prepare himself ahead of a mission. You accepted it too, both his absence and the inexorable feeling of your heartstrings being bent in unimaginable ways.

Smoker lighted up the fifth cigar in a row now, and once more he blindly trusted the aftereffects of your absence for the cause of this obsession, smoking some more was merely a placebo to soothe the torture brought by the lack of answer. Truthfully, Smoker hadn’t spoken in a while, perhaps he had nothing to say as long as he knew what was going on. He spoke rarely and judged the value of his words before actually speaking— sure, he had directed his subalterns here and there to organize the ship on their way to Punk Hazard, but aside from the obligations of his ranks, he found nothing to say. Or rather, his mind didn’t grant him the ability to talk until he figured what was this haunting feeling which had no familiarity with frustration anymore. But was he emotionless?

Instead, Smoker let the rhythm of the waves crashing against the ship in the darkest hours of the night to rock his thoughts. His hazel orbs never left once the ‘wanted’ posters of Monkey D. Luffy and Trafalgar Law— of course he knew their faces and who they were, but the couldn’t trust his body anymore and wondered whether or not this secret emotional disease was going to affect his memory. Smoker hoped it wouldn’t have any impact on his memories with you, he was willing to let amnesia consume him whole and burn everything he knew except any memory which had your name written all over it.

From that moment, Smoker knew it was definitely not frustration.

« Smoker? Smoker? Earth to big cigar boy? You can go to sleep, it’s my turn to watch over the ship and you kind of look like a zombie if I’m being honest. » He hadn’t even noticed you entered the main cabin and thus he cursed himself for doing so, but Smoker noticed you looked hesitant by the way you were fiddling with your fingers, it was something you always did as a child.

Most of all, Smoker noticed something else— whenever you were in the same vicinity as him, the pain soothed, it faded away to let the most blissful sensation appear instead. Yet another question he will never obtain the answer to.

Using the grip on the armrests as a support, Smoker stood up and headed towards the door to leave you alone whilst you were on watching duty, that was the initial plan : head towards the door and leave. Head towards the door and leave. Head towards the door and-…

« Y/N, can I ask you something? » … And shamefully ask you to ease his pain instead.

You looked at him with a quizzical look painted across your facial features, both at the sudden interpellation, but mostly at the fainted grip he was holding on your wrist. « Sure, I’m all ears. » You replied, curiosity tainted the way your words came out but you kept your eyes locked on his frame anyway.

Smoker took a sudden drag of his cigars to ease his nerve and subconsciously give him a few seconds to organize the isolated parts of sentences shooting in his mind. Truthfully, he didn’t even know if this was necessary given that he ignored how he was feeling or what caused his body to hurt so much, translating this agony into words was beyond impossible. « You have to promise not to tell anyone about this. » He inquired, his orbs adopted a darker tone on the demanding tone coating his words and the hold on your wrist became temporarily tighter, you hummed in response, allowing him to continue. « If I’m being honest, I think I’m sick or have caught some kind of disease. It’s odd and quite impossible to properly be explained. I don’t know what I’m feeling, but it’s manifesting through this constant sensation of feeling empty. It weighs on my mind, and I have no idea what’s causing it. »

You quirked your brow in response, genuinely concerned as to whether or not Smoker was actually sick— after all, as you were approaching the extreme binary climate of Punk Hazard, such possibility couldn’t be evicted. You allowed your orbs to roam over his face, a guilty pleasure, and besides visible confusion, you couldn’t depict any physical symptom.

« Um, right? Do you have any idea when did this start? » You asked, hoping to obtain more hints about his situation.

« I hate to admit it but it started when you left my office last week, and now that you’re here I feel better, as in I don’t feel this emptiness anymore. » He continued, and for the first time in your life, you could admire his emotions dancing under the moonlight. « I was wondering if you felt sick, too. »

« So, if I sum it up you feel ‘empty’ and ‘in pain’ when I’m not around. » You couldn’t help but bend your lips into a smile which you knew he already hated by the ill intentioned looks of it.

« Sort of, but you haven’t answered my question : are you ill or not? » A question so innocent which found its answer in the shameless laugh escaping your lips, Smoker covered your mouth with his palm— not because he cared about the quality of the slumber of his soldiers, but rather because the sound of your laugh was awakening something else in him which was too harsh to handle.

You delicately wrapped your fingers around his wrist, slowly making him retreat his limb to his torso, and to his greatest pleasure, your laughter left an imprint on your facial features in the shape of a grin. « Would you believe me if I were to tell you that I found the cure? » You asked, already imagining the outcome of a possible answer.

« Huh? What is it? » He responded to your question with yet another question, but there and only there he found the answer to his haunting enigma when your fingers invaded his vision field and threw the sole obstacles to the apex of the situation, his cigars, on the floor before stepping on them to extinguish them. And there and only there, Smoker felt peace when your lips crashed onto his in a delicately harsh liplock whilst your palms were cupping his cheeks. It came as a reflex, and he couldn’t blame himself for it because he had fantasized about this scenario several times while hoping it would be the cure to his problems, Smoker caged you against his chest as his forelimbs protectively claimed your waist.

The more your lips were lingering on his, the more he felt every ounce of pain exude his body by his every pores— you were the cure, you were the answer to his enigma and always have been. If his lungs hadn’t failed him, Smoker would have gladly delivered himself into the temptations of your lips once more, judging by the way he blindly chased after your lips when you broke the kiss.

Another giggle escaped your lips as your thumbs brushed invisible motions against his cheeks, « Do you still feel empty at all? » you asked, such a rhetorical question, right? Smoker looked at you quizzically but then it hit him— he felt full, and vacuity had lost sense. « No, I don’t feel empty anymore. » He concluded to your amused smile.

« You’re not sick and never have been, or maybe it’s a sickness to you, but you’re in love, Smoker. That’s what you were feeling. And if I’m being honest, I’ve been feeling quite ‘empty’ myself too. » You confessed and opened your heart to him so he could admire each tone of vivid color painting your feelings for him which caused him to tighten his hold to bring you as close as humanly possible. He had found his cure and needed as much contact as possible. « I suppose you’re right, I do feel better when you’re by my side. »

And here, you planted yet another peck on his lips and gave in to the sweet temptation of savoring the taste of his lips once more. The gleam shining in the corner of your eyes reflected nothing but genuine love, and you knew it was the same gleam reflecting in his own orbs. « I’ve never been more glad to be sick in my entire life. » Smoker concluded, and kissed these words into the skin of the crown of your hair.

That’s when Smoker knew that perhaps he wasn’t emotionless, or at least, he was able to feel emotions as long as you were by his side.

[seijch]

ANNOUNCEMENT: NOT A HELLO, BUT NOT A GOODBYE EITHER

omg hi ... im like . ashamed to come back after saying brief hiatus in october and then disappearing off the face of the earth til FEBRUARY but under the cut i will be explaining myself and the following, if youre interested (and a tl;dr at the very bottom if you don’t wanna scroll thru this obnoxiously long post):

the reason(s) i was gone for so long

what i was doing during that time (its just a personal account yall can scroll past this idrc)

the status of those um . halloween requests

the future of this account

i. so . Hiatus .

i know. i know . i probably mentioned it when i made the announcement post, but my mental health likes to go on one of those rides. yknow the ones where you go like up rlly fast then down maybe and then up then DOWN .... its like that. i needed a break and every time i wanted to come back or thought about it, something would happen and i would get stuck in my own head.

a big reason for getting stuck in my head was (and i hate to admit this ... i hate to admit that i have Insecurities On The Internet) my feelings of inadequacy regarding my writing. i love to plot fics, i love concepts and characters and making little headcanons but i dont ... know if i love writing rn. and i thought for the longest time that like . whatever ill just push thru it its fine ill be fine but it kinda wasnt lmao you can kinda see it in my halloween reqs and what become of them when i get to that but i began to feel like nothing i had put out or would put out would hold up prose wise (and normally i dont feel like this im much more “idc its my life im living it” but thats not a rant for tumblr LMAO). i still feel like that -- like im better as a reader than a writer. but . You Know :-)

tl;dr: mental state go brrrrr

ii. anywhere here’s wonderwall

when i left, i was in a steadily decreasing mental and emotional state, made worse by a situation at work that really was a case of petty jealousy on my end and rlly isnt very consequential now despite how much pain and resentment it gave me when it Was a problem so i wont get into it. the tl;dr of november and december was me using work as an crutch and distraction -- i know my job, i do it well, it helped me not think about my responsibilities and obligations and inadequacies. of course, as the holiday season grew busier n busier i was scheduled so often that i moved 88 or so miles (according to my apple watch, which i ONLY wear at work since im never anywhere else outside my house) and fell into a cycle of showering n sleeping at my house before going back the next day. (theres definitely something to be said abt capitalism and “grind culture” here but once again its not the time or place snsjkdfds)

at the turn of the new year, i happened to remember a birthday card i hadnt filed away for safekeeping from a friend of mine that id been horribly out of touch with til that point. i started crying because i realized how out of touch id been in general up until that point. the month of january was great for me: i was focused, happy, and in a much better place than i had been before. the end of it brought me down focus wise and im hoping that enough time away from my distractions will refocus me bc i ... need it LMAO and though ive burned out from that level of productivity and gotten distracted again im ... trying to stay positive which i think is the most i can do 😁👍🏼

media wise, i got real into stardew valley (but burned out bc i played it extensively as a way to wind down after work), the pokemon platinum romhack renegade platinum (still havent finished it bc of school n i played it w the intent to see if i could nuzlocke it ... bitch its so hard but its so fun bc of it), briefly assassins creed: odyssey (im one of those ppl who completes an entire region before i move to the next so you can tell i burned out of that one + wouldnt have the time to properly devote to it even if i didnt), got back into genshin impact after pulling for xiao (after not touching it for like . months), and danganronpa. yes . danganronpa 😐 i Know. i stopped playing it after the second trial of the first game bc i was so hurt by the outcome and picked it up in late january only to get sucked in (thank god i had the foresight to buy the second and third games during the steam winter sale). rn im at the start of chapter 4 if anyone wants to come in my asks and um . talk to me abt danganronpa

tl;dr: I’m Into Danganronpa Now

iii. you realize halloween was three months ago right

i mentioned this in the first section, but i love to plot things. every request is plotted or at least has a solid foundation. i had fun detailing what concept i wanted to go with considering what i was given, and there were some bangers i might touch up in the future. but heres whats going to happen to the requests themselves:

there are two finished requests. one will be posted tomorrow and the other will be touched up (just bc i finished it doesnt mean its good 🧍‍♂️) and scheduled for next saturday. as for the ones i never got around to ...

i will not be finishing those requests. i hate to be That Person, but i feel like we all expected this 🧍‍♂️ what i will do is post all of my notes for each request in batches -- requests that have an @ to go with them will be mentioned in the post proper, but anon asks will be pictured. (there are some asks that came from blogs who are now deactivated but i wrote down all the prompts and remember most of those askers so ill cross that bridge when i get there) there will most likely be an excerpt or two simply bc i think i mightve written a few plot points or interactions in the form of bullet points. i rlly am sorry about doing this but i remember looking at my notion doc with all the prompts and feeling ... like i wasnt measuring up n it wasnt just to myself or to some intangible concept of “other” id constructed but it was instead to those who requested n actually WANTED to see and hear and read my writing and i ...... im gonna admit thats another big reason i avoided this site.

regardless, youll definitely get what i have (and likely more than just my bullet points and illegible handwriting).

tl;dr: im sorry. what i have in terms of plot, concept, and interaction for every request will be posted, but i cant say ill ever complete them and mean it.

iv. so what now?

well i mean . im not entirely sure how sold i am on haikyuu in the content creation department (as a creator n to a lesser extent, as a consumer). as mentioned previously, its no longer my primary focus. it doesnt mean im not into haikyuu anymore; i have a lot of love for those boys but i cant rlly say im even caught up w recent fandom activity and also havent even finished s4 pt2 LMAO thats on my to do list

and despite all that, i still want to share my plots n concepts and snippets and maybe even fics. it wont happen anytime soon. it might not even happen. but i mean . its better than me saying i wont write ever again shjdkfs but either way ill probably use this blog as a personal blog w the occasional ask game for dialogue prompts (those are always so fun i love making up aus to fit like . the most mundane prompts)

as for my works (past and any potential future), ive opened an ao3 acc here n ill be editing n possibly expanding on my old works to post there. tumblr, to me, is The x reader hub, but i figure more x reader fics on ao3 is never a bad thing.

ill be deleting/posting drafted posts to the queue since they were all meant to be queued anyway as well as (sorry again 🧍‍♂️) deleting or answering asks in the inbox. (moots if you get a notif from me saying i rbed your post from months ago ... mind your business) im very hard to get ahold of and its ... a problem. expect an overhaul of the nav n shit to reflect my new direction n also because i feel like i cant tell if my passion for carrd is shared by the majority HSDKLFS maybe its better to read my info in a normal post ykwim .......

and of course . if youve read all this n decided im no longer worth the follow, i sure as hell cant stop you. thank you for wanting to, at some point, hear what i have to say -- it means more than you think.

tl;dr: writing will be edited and reposted to ao3, this blog will be a personal blog with a hint of writing (sometimes)

the tl;dr to end all tl;drs:

im back! i wont be as active as i used to due to a lessened interest in haikyuu in general, but i have an ao3 acc now where all my past work will be edited, possibly expanded, and reposted. any future work will also find itself there. my halloween requests will be posted in batches as incomplete concepts, plots, and snippets of scenes; i wont be promising to finish any of them.

there are still fic concepts im attached to and want to finish, but i cant promise any more writing on my end. this blog will be a personal blog with maybe writing, not a writing blog with my personal thoughts all over it.

regardless if you stick around or not, its been crazy sexy cool (equal emphasis) being on haikyuu tumblr even tho i wasnt around for long ... even tho its not my main focus anymore, im still excited to see what the future might hold 🤝

love, ari 💌

[makeyourdeanabi]

Finale Reaction- 2 months later

In the wee hours after the Supernatural Finale, after tossing and turning in my bed, I got up and wrote this... this was before I was actually active on Tumblr and I never thought I would share this because I was too self conscious.  I deleted it shortly after I wrote it because it brought me so much pain to relive it.  I have since watched the Finale again and have come to terms with it and I felt it was a good time to share my thoughts. I hope that my words may bring other people comfort who feel the same way.  Thanks for reading :)

Alisha

P.S. Sorry so long, I was feeling things and the words just kept coming and coming  ___________________________________________

I don’t blog.  Never in my life have I sat down to tell the world about my feelings in such a manner.  I may contribute on message boards and social media comments, but I never thought anything was worth my time to spill my guts into the ether when I am near certain that not a soul will read them.  But here I am.  I have to write because if I don’t get these thoughts out of my head, I am going to go full on insane.

That ending was bad. It was a disservice to the 15 years of an incredible show that was not only genre bending it was cultural norms bending.

I could mention the various tropes that this ending (and the previous episodes) invoked, but I am not well versed in them and would never want to do anyone a disservice with a comparison that wasn’t apt.

The buildup up of each character arc and then the glaring lack of conclusion for said character arc was laughable.

To say I am disappointed is an understatement.

To say I am heartbroken is an understatement.

I am destroyed.  

I am destroyed that the two men who have been with this franchise since day 1 wrote and directed an episode that they thought was the perfect ending. They thought this is what their devoted fandom wanted.  

I am destroyed that the lead actors signed off on this script and went so far as to call it their favorite.  I realize Jared was the only one calling it his favorite episode. Jensen admitted he had reservations about the episode and needed the wise words of creator Erik Kripke to accept it. I do have to say that taking the word of a man who left the show 10 seasons ago and hasn’t been involved in all the plot lines and inner workings since season 5 is probably not the best idea. I could be mistaken about the extent of Kripke’s involvement, but I am fairly certain that I am right in my assumptions.  

Dean spent 15 years (probably more) of his life feeling unloved, unworthy, self-conscious and convinced that his life had but one purpose and that purpose would ultimately be the death of him, and he had made peace with that.

He is given a best friend, potential love interest, who helps him to see that he is more than that, so much more than that.  He is selfless, he is caring, he is a lover, not a killer. His friend’s soulmate’s sacrifice is the catalyst for him believing that all these things are true. He even takes the step of admitting out loud that he knows he has changed.  He knows that his life is worth living to the fullest and appreciating what he has every day and honoring those they have “lost along the way.”  

To then kill him during a routine hunting trip in which the boys are up against a vampire nest they could take down in their sleep.  What could possibly have been the purpose for that?  To show that once they were no longer God’s little play toys their lives were expendable?  WHY?

Dean, arguably the greatest hunter in the SPN universe, was taken out by a fucking rusty piece of rebar, and instead of trying to call for help and get the man to a hospital (not sure it would have helped) he has his final monologue, the one he has been due for the latter half all of Season 15.  He died scared, in pain, and sad.

Dean goes to heaven, and its not the heaven we have been told of in the past where you are living in your memories.  Its truly life after death and its wonderful. He meets Bobby again and told that various people in Dean’s and Bobby’s life are close by.  His parents live down the road.  His father, who was never confirmed to be but was most likely an abusive bastard, lives just down the road with his mother.  Wonderful. (WTF?) He gets confirmation that Cas is out of the empty and he smiles, nothing more.  He sees baby and goes for a drive, not to find Cas and thank him for his ultimate sacrifice, but to just drive.  I like this part because we see a happy, content Dean, and we finally get to hear Kansas’s “Carry on Wayward Son” (DONT GET ME STARTED ON THE LACK OF THE ROAD SO FAR AT THE BEGINNING OF THE EPISODE). I just wish Dean’s path to heaven had been a little easier on him.

Dean deserved better.

Castiel, the selfless angel who just wanted to find purpose in his life and ultimately found it in death. He dies never being told that he is loved, after countless times of professing his love to his found family. The angel who sacrificed himself to the Empty, a horrible place of unspeakable torture, to protect the man he loves.  A man who, mere days later (in my mind anyway), arrives in heaven after being killed in a gruesome accident, rather than fulfilling his destiny that Cas fought so hard to protect.  Some sacrifice. It turns out that Cas is saved by the Empty from Jack, but we don’t get to see his joyful reunion with Dean, the man he loves.  

Cas deserved better.

Sam is left to live this life without his brother, and potentially the love of his life because the writers couldn’t be bothered to confirm Eileen’s re-existence after Chuck’s rapture.  He has a family, and he grows old (mind you with REALLY bad makeup in a show that is known for their incredible makeup/special effects departments).

He seems to be happy, but you can tell something is missing.  We come to see that he raised his son to be a hunter.  He raised his son in a life that, at the outset of this show, he was desperate to get out of and live a normal life.  Perhaps he no longer believes that anyone can live a normal life knowing what is out there. *EDIT* Looking back I don’t believe he raised his son to be a hunter, just gave him the tattoo in case.

He names his son Dean, because of course he does. He has a wife who we see from a distance and is never given the clarity if it is Eileen or not.  He finally dies after what looks like a slow and painful illness and is sent to heaven.

In heaven he meets up with Dean.  This was lovely.  The two of them meeting again after so long, for Sam, that is. Dean only had to seemingly wait for a few hours.

Sam deserved better.

For a show that had the potential to go out on a historically significant high, this is disappointing, to say the least.  The story had the potential to end with 2 brothers who have sacrificed so much and saved so many people, find a happy ending.  Not only that but find a happy ending with a deaf partner and a gay angel. If that isn’t breaking barriers and bending norms, I don’t know what is.  I really would like to know what prevented this from happening.  Be it the CW from restricting them or maybe the absolute lack of originality from the writers, I am curious as to their reasoning. Maybe it was COVID.  Maybe because they couldn’t have those two actors physically on set due to protocols, they didn’t want to shortchange them by having them appear otherwise: disembodied voice, phone call (DONT TOUCH ME) or even a flashback… hell STOCK FOOTAGE! I don’t know and I clearly can’t imagine the reason.

I realize that there is nothing that can be done about this episode now and that accepting it and moving on is really the only way forward.  But the legacy this show has left, and its lasting impact on me and my life, cannot be ignored.  I was looking forward to indulging in past episodes of this show for the rest of my life. It is going to be a long time before I can watch an episode without anger and resentment towards what I know to be their eventual end.  That, to me, is unforgiveable.  

I don’t expect anyone to actually read this because I do not have any followers. I have never blogged in my entire life and was only recently introduced to the online fandom, but I needed to write this.  I needed to share the impact that this episode had on me.  I do hope that it does reach those in the fandom that may have similar feelings and are able to use my words to help express how they are feeling.  We can move on, and we will move on, but we need to do it together.

I know that there are people who, if they read this, would shake their head in disbelief that I became so emotionally invested in this show that watching a bad ending would take such a toll on my mental health.  

To them I say, imagine this… The Pittsburgh Steelers (my favorite team, they can imagine their own) have an incredible season.  A season where they saw a myriad of highs and lows. Veteran players making incredible comebacks, rookie players coming in to their own.  Season ending injuries that lead to the next man stepping up and contributing in ways they weren’t sure possible.  Now imagine they make it to the Superbowl and after 3 tough quarters, in which they played their best, getting better with each quarter, they lose it in the final minutes.  All that blood, sweat, and tears for nothing.  Now imagine that was their last season and the Pittsburgh Steelers are no longer an NFL team.  They are done.  No “we’ll get ‘em next season.”  No “it’s just a game and there is always another one”.  Just done.  Their entire franchise, for a brief moment in time, reduced to those final minutes where they failed to win.  Devastating. Of course, in the long run that is not what they will be remembered for.  I mean, after all, they have won 6 Lombardi trophies, and no one is taking that away from them.  But the sting will remain for a while. *EDIT* This was as close to prophecy as I will ever get, the Steelers did all of the above until the playoffs, but THANK GOD, there will be another season.

If I can’t make you understand with a sports metaphor than I will never make you understand.  

I love this show and this loss is devastating.  I do hope that it is remembered for more than their last-minute loss.  I hope it is remembered for the joy and acceptance that their fandom felt with each episode, for the laugher on set and the gag reels. I hope it is remembered for the individual players who gave it their all. I know it will be, but for me personally, this sting is going to last for a while.  

[msbluebell]

Me and my brother were talking about what-ifs in the story and he brought up how it's a given that Dimitri would've likely continued down that dark path beyond the Gronder Field battle if not for Rodrigue's sacrifice. We know Byleth knows that Dimitri considers him a second father, so suppose she did react in time during the post-Gronder fight, how would things pan out if she took that blow instead to spare Dimitri further sorrow? I can only imagine the Dimileth angst coming from that

The thing we need to think about when diving into the topic of Dimitri’s redemption and how Rodrigue’s sacrifice set it off is the psychology behind it. 

Keep in mind that this is all my personal interpretation of the game’s events and what would happen with these changes, so if you disagree with me that’s 100% valid.

Now, Dimitri is broken. I know, shocking, but I really mean this. Dimitri is one of the most broken characters I’ve seen in a long time and I completely understand how and why he got there. Dimitri is a mentally ill man that went through a series of very traumatic events, never got the help he needed, kept the trauma bottled up until it nearly broke him, and then went through ANOTHER series of very traumatic events all while suffering a mental breakdown, and then was subsequently isolated in the woods with nothing but hallucinations that constantly reinforced toxic ideas in his head until they were all he believed.

He is a broken, confused, psychological MESS of a human being. He has had the same self-hate and guilt whirling around in his soul for five straight years now. He’s constantly had the fact that he is unworthy of life, that he needs to avenge the dead, and that he is only allowed to live so that he can make sure the dead find rest reinforced to the point where nothing else seems to even matter to him.

As far as he’s concerned the only two fates he’s worthy of are death and vengeance. If he attains either than he’ll have attained his purpose. Anything else, love, friendship, comfort, warmth, the little things that make us alive? He is utterly unworthy of those things as far as he’s concerned. He can’t even begin to conceive that people still care about him he’s brainwashed himself with this idea so much. And, also, I think he may also deeply resent everyone around him for 1) trying to take care of himself 2) not being there when he needed them when he was in the woods being hunted for five years. Heck, the one person he seemed most like his old self with before his atonement was Dedue, who went out of his way to save Dimitri and was ONLY not with him the last five years because he was just that gravely injured and literally unable to be by his side. I don’t know what everyone else was doing for those five years (other than looking for Dimitri, which he can’t reasonably assume, and doing what they can to aid people during the war), but Byleth’s reason for why they weren’t there DOES seem a little iffy and weird, so I don’t even blame him for being prissy, especially if he at all mourned them, which he clearly did.

Point is, he’s a hot mess of such bad mental health issues that you could honestly write a whole psychology paper on it and turn it in for a grade.

Now, onto why this is important to consider for that whole scene.

The attempted assassination is important for two very different reasons that both are very important to why Dimitri is tries to leave to do a suicide run against Enbarr and ultimately meets Byleth for his redemption. One is obviously Rodrigue, but there’s another that people often overlook.

Fleche.

Fleche is very important to the ‘why’ in Dimitri’s redemption.

Fleche is a sad look at who Dimitri is and how he could have ended up. Fleche is someone who lost her brother, the person she loved most, misidentified his killer (Byleth, although that was the best case for him at the time honestly and Dimitri is the main cause for his death) though said misidentified person was a huge factor in the death, and set out for revenge. Revenge was her driving goal from, to the point of insanity, and whether she realized it or not she became just like Dimitri in her goal.

She may not realize this, but Dimitri actually heavily empathized with her goal. He willingly let her into the army when he heard that she wanted to avenge her brother, and didn’t even sound AS dismissive about it as he could’ve. He got it, and he was willing to let her ride along his army for revenge.

He’s not even mad at her for stabbing him.

See that look on his face? That’s not the look of someone who is angry. He gets it. He gets why she’s doing this. He doesn’t even really blame her. He knows this is what she needs to do, and he knows he deserves it. As for as he’s concerned, he’s deserved to die for a long time, and he’s just going to die for someone else’s revenge rather than his own.

Through Fleche Dimitri sees a reflection of his own madness. He see’s what he is, and he sees what he’s caused. This is the face of his worth. Fleche is a living personification of everything he’s done wrong and everything he’s failed at. He caused her to become this, and he’s going to die to help her fulfill her purpose. This was what HE was meant for. To die for the sake of vengeance.

Then Rodrigue cuts in and basically says, “Ah, no, actually. Because I’m not going to let that happen.”

Rodrigue’s sacrifice served to show Dimitri that, yes, your life is WORTH something to other people, and that you aren’t meant to die for anyone’s revenge. Rodrigue willingly choosing to save Dimitri’s life is a direct contrast to the ideals that Dimitri has brainwashed himself with: that he’s deserves to die.

Rodrigue no-sells the revenge death and shows Dimitri that not only are there people who WANT him to live, so much that they’re willing to stake their own life on it selflessly, but that they want him to live for something OTHER than the revenge he’s been seeking. They’re not trying to hinder him for their own goals, they’re trying to take care of him for HIS sake.

Rodrigue’s act is one of pure, selfless, fatherly love. It’s a love that Dimitri has denied himself for five years, and didn’t realize was being directed his way before now. It’s a drastic show of affection that cuts through years of brainwashing. In theory, the same result could have been achieved if Rodrigue was injured in the process, or even not at all as long as he simply stood in the way of the death and Dimitri, but…well…him dying for the cause is more emotionally impacting from a story telling perspective.

I also love the symbolism of Byleth being the one to cut Fleche down for good because they’re the one that finally fully turns Dimitri towards redemption and instill the idea that he deserves to live for himself, thus “killing��� the idea he needs to die for vengeance. 

So, would the results change at all if Byleth were the one that stepped in the way of Fleche’s revenge? 

No, I personally don’t think so.

Dimitri is in love with both Byleth and Rodrigue. It’s just two different kids of love. He very openly admitted to loving Rodrigue like a second father pre-timeskip (Dimitri has a few dads, doesn’t he?). Byelth can either be romantic (which I interpret as canon based on his interactions with them in cut-scenes) or platonic love of a close friend. He simply denied himself those affections during his time as Feral!Dimitri (Actually, the more I talk about it, the more Punished!Dimitri sounds more accurate, because he’s really just punishing himself).

So, events would play out the same with a wounded Byleth, only this time he would maybe have his classmates be slower to forgive him based on how much one can interpret them loving Byleth over Rodrigue. Which, let’s be honest, most of them know Byleth better, so it will probably take them a little longer.

Still, Byleth made a sacrifice for him, and believed in him, so they would forgive him eventually.

Dimitri forgiving himself is another story. He never DOES forgive himself for Rodrigue’s sacrifice, and he won’t forgive himself for Byleth’s sacrifice.

On the other hand, we can also speculate that without Byleth there to stop Dimitri’s suicide run to Enbarr and act as the light that pulls him out of the darkness, he DOES end up going through with the plan and joins her in death in his fit of grief fueled madness.

[atommall4]

Therapy For Anxiety As Well As Stress And Anxiety.

Stress And Anxiety Therapy & Therapy.

Content

Smart Area Home Heating: A Sustainable Service Sustaining The Energy Change.

Taking Care Of Splitting Up Anxiety In Dogs.

Xmases: 7 Ways To Maximize An Extremely Various Household Xmases

Silverline - this is a. totally free personal helpline providing details, friendship and also guidance to older people which is available 24 hr a day, everyday of the year. Every Mind Issues - this is a national project run by the NHS which offers you great deals of useful recommendations on mental health and wellbeing, access to resources and also an application to help track your mood. Resources have likewise been established particularly to sustain you with the important things you may be fighting with during Coronavirus. >> more information of direct-therapy Frequently Asked Questions plus are held on the internet and are around half a hr long, with time to ask concerns at the end of every session. The Coronavirus outbreak has had a big impact on our daily lives.

How Augmented Reality Is Helping Teens Address Anxiety ARPost - ARPost

How Augmented Reality Is Helping Teens Address Anxiety ARPost.

Posted: Mon, 11 Jan 2021 09:10:00 GMT [source]

Reducing or quiting each gear, will certainly decrease and stop the OCD's control of you. By acting upon each cog, you will be repossessing control of your life, from the OCD. Others do not have these devastating ideas, however may really feel very uncomfortable and become increasingly anxious and also troubled if they don't do what their head is informing them to do. SilverCloud- an on the internet course to assist you better handle anxiety, stress and anxiety and anxiety.

Smart Area Heating: A Sustainable Service Sustaining The Power Shift.

Progressively, as you overcome each obsession, you can begin to move up the power structure, relocating onto a much more difficult/distressing thing each time up until you have gotten over the most traumatic one. After identifying what you do you can list them all using theHierarchy of Feared Situations as well as price them according to just how distressing every one is or would be if you could not do what you feel obliged to do. The simplest means to begin is to maintain a diary of your routines/ compulsions for one week utilizing theOC Rituals Diary.

The even more we attempt NOT to think of something, the more it keeps turning up right into our heads. We need to maintain the stress up and maintain lowering, but it simply keeps popping back up right into our face. It might nudge us from time to time, yet that's ok, we can simply let it be. What our team believe deep down about ourselves, others as well as the world, influences and distorts the means we make sense of everyday life. Even if we believe something bad could take place, doesn't mean that is exactly how it truly is! We are checking out life and also situations with those extremely altered lenses. We can make positive changes in each tiny cog in this "savage gears of OCD" layout.

Taking Care Of Splitting Up Stress And Anxiety In Dogs.

Pure O is the main style of the Network 4's program, Pure, which follows 24-year-old Marnie, that is bombarded by invasive ideas of an extremely sexual nature. Drug therapies can additionally be utilized effectively in mix with ERP. The most usual medicine is a kind of antidepressant known as selective serotonin reuptake preventions. These boost degrees of a substance called serotonin in the mind. One of the most usual is worrying about contamination from dust or germs. Please be aware that as a result of the flow of time, the information offered on this page might be out of date or otherwise unreliable, and also any kind of views or opinions revealed might no longer be relevant. Some technological elements such as audio-visual as well as interactive media might no longer function.

If you disable this cookie, we will not have the ability to save your preferences. This suggests that every single time you see this web site you will need to make it possible for or disable cookies again. Purely Essential Cookie ought to be allowed at all times to make sure that we can conserve your choices for cookie setups. https://direct-therapy.org.uk uses cookies to ensure that we can give you with the best individual experience possible.

Christmas: 7 Methods To Take Advantage Of A Very Different Household Xmases

It's entirely easy to understand to really feel anxious with all unpredictability bordering the pandemic, or stressed with being removed from good friends or family members. They'll assist you to discover and also recognize a few of the ways you're really feeling, and deal practical methods you can aid yourself. Worn out as well as incapable to rest one evening, I finally admitted to myself that I required assistance. I researched regional therapists through a site called the Counselling Directory site as well as located someone suitable.

You will certainly discover exactly how they affect you and most importantly, what can be done to alter them.

It intends to break overwhelming issues down into smaller sized components, making them much easier to handle.

While past occasions and also experiences are considered throughout the sessions, the emphasis is more on current issues.

During how to choose Counselling for Depression , your therapist will certainly assist you recognize any unfavorable thought patterns you have.

Unlike a few other therapies, CBT is rooted in today as well as seeks to the future.

He had produced transgenic mice to over-express this healthy protein in their T-cells, one of the main cells responsible for the advancement of autoimmune illness, yet located the computer mice showed a lot more anxiousness than normal. When he and also his group evaluated the genetics shared in the animals' T-cells, they uncovered one genetics particularly was particularly active.

Is Cognitive Behavioural Treatment (cbt) Right For You?

Two days later on, we started our sessions and also I started to fight back versus OCD, first of all by speaking openly as well as truthfully. Saying your worst ideas out loud and also having an expert empathise and wish to explore them with you, instead of decline you, modifications everything. One half of my mind was advising me to stand up and leave, to examine, on the premise that I had actually done something absolutely dreadful. The opposite side was fighting back, assuring me that no, I had not done anything that can harm one more person, and also reminding me that I required to be expert and also not humiliate myself. I was chairing a conference for one of one of the most vital initiatives of my career, bordered by people with extremely hectic journals.

At what age does anxiety peak?

Adults ages 30 to 44 have the highest rate of anxiety of this age group, with around 23% of people this age reporting an anxiety disorder within the past year.

We give evidence-based information, advice and assistance to those influenced by Obsessive-Compulsive Condition. This phase will certainly give details regarding some of the related problems that may be co-morbid with OCD. You can support the work of OCD-UK by coming to be a member from just ₤ 2 a month. Obtain involved in the work of OCD-UK with volunteering or support the work of our charity via fundraising. Find out more concerning the suggested therapies for OCD, consisting of just how to access NHS or exclusive treatment. This section has lots of info, advice and also includes to assist during this time around. Having OCD is hard, not only for the individual, but likewise for those that love and also take care of individuals with OCD.

[maaaddiexo]

Chapter Seventeen | Peter Pevensie

[Red Series Book One: Roses]

Synopsis: With World War Two ravaging the world, no one is safe and no one is happy.

Despite their protests, Peter, Susan, Edmund, and Lucy Pevensie are evacuated from London and sent to live in the English countryside with an old professor. Scared and unhappy, only the youngest Pevensie child remains optimistic and ends up sharing her hope with her siblings in the form of a wardrobe that takes them to Narnia, a different world where they are the only form of hope to bring an end to an evil witch's reign of terror.

Rosemary Bennett has no more hope left in her heart. Her brother and father are off fighting for their country, the former having gone missing months ago, and her mother ignores her, preferring the company of a bottle over her own daughter. Giving up seems the only logical plan of action. But when it finally comes to carrying it out, she's transported to a different world, with talking animals and a prophecy that doesn't involve her. Unsure as to why she is there, she must navigate a new world and ponder the possibility that maybe - just maybe - she doesn't actually want to die.

*Warning: this book deals with depression and suicide. Though mental illness isn't what this story revolves around, the act of suicide and depressive thoughts are intertwined with the plot and act as 'backseat drivers' to the novel.

[Chapter Eighteen] [Series Masterlist] [Masterlist]

Much like her first night at Aslan's camp, Rosemary spent her night dancing and laughing. Except now, she knew her dance partners. Susan, Lucy, and Rosemary spun in circles, laughing hysterically and trying not to trip over their own feet. Finally, Rosemary came to stop and dropped her hands. "Okay, I need a break. The room is spinning."

Susan turned Rosemary to face the refreshment table, nudging her in that direction. "Water's that way."

"Thanks, Susan."

At the table, a faun dressed in servant's clothing filled a lavish chalice full of water before handing it over to Rosemary. With a curtsy, Rosemary drifted over to the corner of a room, watching the festivities but no longer wanting to participate in them. Something was troubling her. While dancing with Susan and Lucy and talking with everybody, the issue had been pushed to the back of her mind, but now that she was alone, her thoughts were running rampant.

"Something on your mind, my dear?" Aslan appeared from thin air, as he usually did. Like Rosemary, he chose to watch the festivities instead of taking part.

"I'm afraid so."

"Let's go for a walk."

Rosemary tangled her fingers in Aslan's soft mane, wondering to herself how it never knotted. Aslan led them through a maze of hallways to the gardens. Out there, the noise of the party was distant and Rosemary knew that they were alone.

"What's troubling you, my dear?"

"England." Rosemary took a seat on a stone bench, unable to look at Aslan. "I miss home."

"I too miss my home country," Aslan replied, taking a seat in front of Rosemary. "But there seems to be something else that is bothering you. You more than miss it."

"When I asked you what would happen to me if I ever returned to England, you said you didn't have the answer. If you don't then who does?"

"Only you can answer that, Rosemary. Like I said before, only the best of us deserve a second chance. So, why would Narnia delay your death by bringing you here only to let you return where you will die when you no longer want to?"

Rosemary frowned. She couldn't answer that. "What if I'm only worthy of a second chance here? In Narnia."

"You were taken from England, Rosemary. You were deserving of a second chance before you arrived here. And whether it is in Narnia or England, your life is one worth living. You've had such a large impact on so many people here, Rosemary. On the Narnians, on our defeated enemies, on the Pevensies, and on me."

"And they've had an equal impact on me. It is through them that I realized that I want to live and be with them but I miss England."

"You believe it's time for you to go home."

"Not if I'm going to die."

"If you don't want to die, then have faith in yourself and that might just be enough."

Rosemary inhaled deeply, running her fingers through her hair. "So, how do I get home?"

"No two things happen the same way twice."

"Well with those confusing words," Rosemary slapped her hands against her thighs and stood up. "I am going to spend every last minute here in Narnia as best as I can."

•

Back inside the Great Hall, nobody seemed to notice Rosemary's temporary disappearance and she quickly joined in on the dancing once more. Her conversation with Aslan was still at the front of her mind but it didn't weigh her down as it did before. Instead, it pushed her to keep dancing even when her feet hurt and laughed even though she was breathless. All of the windows in the hall had been opened as wide as possible but Rosemary could still feel a line of sweat trailing down her back between her shoulder blades.

A glass of water appeared in front of Rosemary and she followed the arm, smiling up at the gold crown resting on a head of blonde hair. "Good evening, Your Highness."

"I swear, Rosemary, if you curtsy I will have you thrown in the dungeons."

Rosemary took the glass, downing half of it in seconds, her manners having been thrown out one of the large open windows. "Not even King for a day and you're already making threats."

"How about this: you take a walk with me and I won't throw you in the dungeon."

"I don't think I'm allowed to refuse a King."

"Stop it!"

Rosemary laughed at Peter's adorable pout and linked her arm with his and guided him out of the Ballroom. The drop in temperature is immediately and extremely relieving. Rosemary had to fight the temptation to simply drop to the ground and press her cheek against the marble floor.

For the longest time, neither of them spoke. They wandered the halls, having gotten lost long ago. Paintings of random people had been hung up on the walls and ancient artifacts had been placed throughout the castle. Not that either of them recognized anything.

"I can't believe this is mine," Peter said in awe, breaking the silence for the first time. "There's so much of it."

"It kind of reminds me of a museum."

"Well, this museum is also your home." It took Peter a moment before he no longer heard a second set of footsteps against the floor. He turned back around and noticed she was a few feet behind him. "What's wrong? You don't want to live here?"

"What? No. I want to live here with you and your siblings and everybody else."

"But?"

"But I can't."

"Why not?"

Rosemary's heart shattered at the sadness in Peter's eyes. "Before I came here, I made some mistakes and wrong decisions. I need to go back and make things right. There's peace here in Narnia. I have no reason to stay here anymore."

"What about me?"

Rosemary's voice broke. "Please don't make this harder than it already is."

"Then why do you have to go back so soon? Why can't you stay?"

Peter," Rosemary sighed. "Did I ever tell you how I got here?"

"Through the river by the Beavers' dam. Susan told me."

"But I never told you why I was in the water in the first place." Rosemary pulled Peter into a random room. It was a bedroom, completely untouched for an unknown amount of time. "Peter I...I jumped into the English Channel."

Aside from two words to Mrs. Beaver, Rosemary had never told anybody what she did nor did she plan on it. And now here she was, about to tell Peter the whole story. So she certainly didn't expect Peter to laugh.

"Well, why would you do that, silly goose? The water's cold." Rosemary simply waited for Peter to connect the dots - she was sure a smart boy like him would. It took close to thirty seconds before the look in Peter's eyes changed. "Oh."

"Yeah."

"Why didn't you ever say anything?"

"It's not something I can just come out and say. Besides, I was embarrassed. I still am but I'm more at peace with it."

Peter sighed sadly and pulled Rosemary into him for a long hug. She had a feeling it was more to comfort him than Rosemary. How had he never noticed? Weren't there signs for this kind of thing? Peter wondered if she still would have tried to jump had they known each other before Narnia. "I'm so sorry, Rosemary."

"It's okay, Peter. I'm better now. But when I jumped into the channel, Peter, I was transported here. But I have to go back. I miss home and I need to make things right."

"How?"

"I'm not sure, but I know I need to go back."

"No." Peter shook his head, pulling away. "I won't let you leave. Not if you're just going to die."

"It isn't your decision to make, Peter. And honestly, I don't think it's entirely mine either. It's time for me to go back."

Peter wasn't sure when he'd begun to cry, but he could feel his salty tears stinging his eyes and his nose had begun to run. "Please don't leave Rosemary."

"Oh, Peter." Rosemary guided Peter to the large bed in the center of the room. She sat down beside him, leaning her head on Peter's shoulder. Her hand rubbed slow, soothing circles on Peter's back and she let him cry, feeling tears of her own spill over onto her cheeks. "I don't want to leave, Peter. There are so many things here that make me want to stay and you are one of them. But, Peter, I have to go back."

Peter sighed, dejected. He couldn't fight Rosemary on this nor would he. He understood as much as he could. She was going back to England. "When?"

"I don't know. But soon, I think. It's almost like I can feel it."

Peter sighed again. He was doing a lot of that tonight. "Is it selfish of me to want to spend every last second with you?"

"Yes, but I don't mind," Rosemary admitted, blushing. Peter stood up and held a hand out to Rosemary. Curiously, she took it. "Peter, what are you doing?"

Peter placed a hand on Rosemary's waist and grabbed her other hand, holding up their conjoined hands. "Well, since we have an unknown amount of time left, I suggest we spend it getting to know as much as we can about each other in the limited time we have left."

"While dancing?"

"You didn't save me one back in the Ballroom."

"You didn't ask."

Peter laughed as he guided Rosemary across the room. "Fair enough. First question: would you like me if we'd met in England instead of Narnia?"

•

Peter had lost his suit jacket and Rosemary had long discarded her shoes when the two finally collapsed on the large canopy bed. Rosemary was laughing loudly despite her exhaustion as Peter told her of the time he broke his arm whilst playing soldier with Edmund.

"And now you fight for real."

"Who would have thought," Peter huffed. Rosemary yawned loudly from beside him and he smiled, wrapping his arm around Rosemary. "You tired?"

"Yes. But I don't want to fall asleep. I'm scared that if I do I'll wake up back in England."

"You want to go back, Rosemary," Peter recalled, rubbing his thumb over Rosemary's bare shoulder. "And you have my address and I have yours. We'll write to each other."

"Do you promise?"

"I promise, Rosemary."

Rosemary sighed, curling into Peter's side. "Call me Rose."

•

When Rosemary opened her eyes, she knew exactly where she was. She was overlooking the English Channel, standing right where she was when she had jumped into the freezing water below.

Am I back in England?

Rosemary tried to move away from the cliff but her feet were planted in place - at the very edge of the cliffside. This was a dream. No - a nightmare.

The wind began to pick up, making the trees around her rattle. Rosemary began to cry because she knew what was to come next.

"Please," she begged to the air as one foot moved to hover over the air. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't pull her foot back. She began to tip forward into the vicious waves below. "I don't want to die!"

[Chapter Eighteen] [Series Masterlist] [Masterlist]

[gg-writes]

I know there's a big thing right now about villains and who's redeemable and who we're allowed to like and what flaws we should forgive and which ones we shouldn't

I'm here to admit that I love a villain who doesn't realize they're wrong at the beginning of the story but changes their ways by the end. I'm a sucker for it. Lots of us are. And I see far too many people being accused of normalizing or condoning the traits the villains possess.

By all means, demonize the hell out of legitimately reprehensible behavior. There are actions that are so evil even forgiveness from the victim wouldn't be enough to clean the slate of the villain, and I don't think I need to outline what they are.

Listen, though. The chance of you being a low-key villain in somebody's life at some point is just so ridiculously high.

I'm not saying there's not some perfect saint out there who's never wronged a soul. I'm just saying it's very unlikely, and if it is the case, they must not get out much (or get out much yet, anyway.)

A huge part of being human is figuring out how to maximize your pleasure/enjoyment of life without minimizing the pleasures of others. When you gloss over the latter part of that statement, you have become a temporary villain to someone. And obviously, there are villains out there who never worry about the impact of their personal pursuit of happiness on others, or even some who derive their happiness by taking it from others. (Remember the reprehensible actions I mentioned earlier? They fall into this latter category.)

I'm not saying you're that kind of purposefully malicious villain. I'm saying that you've likely been the mundane unintentional kind at least a couple times in your life. Even (no... especially) during those moments you fervently insist on justification for your actions.

I just think back to so many of the people who've hurt me in life, and even the people who did it on purpose didn't do it just to be cruel. They were justified in their mind.

They'd been through hell that morning, what difference would it make if they called me a derogatory name? The secrets they shared in confidence get blurted out by others all the time. Why does it matter if they treat me the same?

They didn't know their joke about mental health hurt me, but to me at the time, that was the same as them not caring.

They weren't aware that I got three hours of sleep when they snapped at me for not paying attention, but I remembered the irritation in their voice for days.

They called me a bitch without realizing that I'd had that word casually tossed in my direction since childhood, and it hurts me more than it should when I get called a bitch as an adult.

Good gravy, how many times have I done that to someone else? How many times did I ignore the pain of someone else, or even cause someone else pain, because I was so absorbed in minimizing my own?

I couldn't even tell you.

I've had so many bad days in my life that I can 100% guarantee you I took it out on someone who didn't deserve it at some point(s). I know for a fact that there has been at least one day where I said "screw the happiness of others, I want some of that for myself."

It doesn't make me irredeemable. Anybody I hurt is under no obligation to forgive me, and the lack of ill intention doesn't negate the pain I've caused, but I'm definitely allowed to forgive myself and like me regardless.

So before you declare a villain "problematic" and decide that everyone who enjoys their redemption arc is an ethically bankrupt degenerate simply because they relate to the human facets of a morally grey fictional character...

If you really can't see why normal decent people enjoy reading about these complicated and conflicted villains, why we like to see people who are worse than us become better...

Ask yourself how many times you were a villain in someone else's life outside of fiction.

I'm willing to bet it's more than once.

[brushbugbones]

When it’s getting bad again: My personal tips on dealing with depression

A necessary disclaimer: I am in no way a mental health care professional, not even close. These are lessons and tips I’ve managed to accumulate in my short 17 years of life, from both online research and talking to others to find out what works best for me and others. They won’t completely fix your life but they sure as hell do some good. So please don’t @ me, this is just my daily contribution to society (and also a way to deal with my own issues lol) . 

1.                 Not everything you’re told will work

I spend a lot of time doing research of depression and anxiety so it’s safe to say I’ve seen a lot of stuff that works for others and does nothing for me. A common occurrence might be things like ‘read your favourite book over again, have a warm bubble bath, take a nap, love yourself more’ etc. sure, these things might work for you but I find them very temporary solutions to what can be a very long term problem. This is not to say that you shouldn’t do things like these, except when it comes to serious mental health problems they can have little effect on your overall wellbeing and leave you feeling the same as before.

Know that you will need more realistic solutions, taking real care of yourself is a very difficult act on days when you don’t feel like you feel anything, so find things that really impact you and don’t feel bad if you cope differently from others (as long as it is still a healthy technique)

2.        Please take care of yourself

There are going to be times when you wake and you just know  it’s going to be one of those days, where all strength and motivation has leaked from your body and the thought of leaving your bed makes you sick to your stomach. Trust me, I know.

Nothing you feel can be solved by doing nothing about it. Get out of your bed, make it, grab and entire set of clean clothes (underwear, socks, a bra, the whole sha-bang) and take a god damn shower. Clean yourself, brush your teeth and your hair, put on those clothes (whether it’s a nice outfit or just another set of pajamas) and go from there. I cannot stress how important basic hygiene is, and I hate to admit it but I’ve gone days  without showering or brushing my teeth. Disgusting, I know, but it’s the truth. And it only made me feel 100x worse, so pull yourself together for just 20 minutes of your day to take care of your body. This goes the same for eating, whether you eat too much or too little as well as what you put in your body. A healthy body doesn’t directly correlate to a healthy mind but it sure as hell helps. While you read this, think about the following questions:

When was the last time I ate in general? When was the last time I ate something that wasn’t junk food or absolutely full of sugar/carbs? When was the last time I drank a full glass of cold water? Chances are that if you feel like complete shit then you need to do one of these things. Drink some damn water, eat something that either has protein, good fats, is a vegetable/fruit or has vitamins in it.

3.               Dealing with isolation

Despite what I’ve heard a lot, isolating yourself is okay to a certain extent. By this I mean, its okay to spend the day away from people, to just sleep for a while and to be totally alone for a while. Maybe it’s just the natural introvert in me, but I need time alone to ‘recharge my batteries’ and to just think for a while. And this is entirely okay, some days you won’t feel like talking to others (whether its people you’re close to or people you aren’t) and you just need a break. However, there is a point where it will begin to affect your mental health. Humans are social animals and if you spend all your time alone you will see some negative effects eventually.

How you deal with feeling isolated depends on what situation you find yourself in. Personally, my feelings of isolation correlate with my living conditions; if I spend all my time in a dark and very messy place (like my bedroom a lot of the time) I only end up in a worse place mentally. Solution: get up, open my blinds, take the cups and bowls littering the room out to the sink and clean up even just a little bit. You’ll notice that this is very similar to my last point, your environment will definitely affect your body’s health, so spending my time in a clean and bright place makes me feel much more open to others and a lot lighter in general.

Obviously dealing with your own isolation might be different to mine, put here are some suggestions.

Turn on your lights and open up your space, leave the damn house and go for a walk, go to a café and sit and drink coffee or tea or whatever, walk aimlessly around a sunny park with your loudest music playing in some headphones. Talk to somebody you love or just another person, check emails, notifications and the mail. Make yourself aware of the outside world.

Get the help you need, please. If you’re in school then chances are there’s a counselor or a teacher that will just listen. See a therapist if you can afford it, or talk to one online for cheaper options. You can’t help yourself on your own.

4.               Sort out your priorities

I’m just going to put this out straightforward. That thing that’s worrying you or than you’re putting off for whatever reason. Do it as soon as possible (insert shia labeouf ‘just do it’ meme). An essay you’re scared of writing, a test you won’t study for because you think you’ll fail anyway, that conversation you’re afraid of having, the accumulating pile of laundry slowly growing in the corner or even the tower of dishes building in the sink. All these things will only lead to bad days in the future if you don’t take care of them now. You can’t keep telling yourself that treating yourself is taking a nap or having a hot bath, it doesn’t fix any of those problems you have. Sometime selfcare is just fixing the source of your worries and anxieties.

5.               A small change is still a step in the right direction

(gonna warn you now, this is about to get kind of emotional and personal)

In the last 5 years of my life my depression and anxiety hits me on and off. It was a serious issue during my middle years of high school, where I let my marks slip and my relationships deteriorate because I couldn’t feel anything but numbness. It got better for a while and I had felt the happiest in a very long time, but over the last year it started getting bad again and it absolutely terrified me. I was in year 11 of high school and I needed to be in the best mindset possible, my relationship with my dad was is the best place it had ever been and I finally felt comfortable in my own skin. For a few months I let myself go back to the person I was before, and about 6 months ago I realised I needed to do something about it. I started regularly researching on mental illness, opening myself up to people in my life so I would be comfortable talking about my feelings, I let some close friends take me to a local religious youth group so I could feel more connected to a god I believed in and I tried my best to keep going, and I still am. This sounds horrifically cheesy, but living is different from surviving, take care of yourself and be realistic. Some days you will feel fucking horrible and nothing will feel like it helps, but you cannot let these days or weeks or months or moments stop you from doing the things that made you happy. Slowly my bad months with a few good moments or days turned into good months with some bad moments and days, but progress is still progress and if you don’t feel like complete crap then you’re probably doing something right.

[tebanks]

I’m putting everything from my January in one convenient place: right here. In this post you’ll find what I’ve been doing, watching, thinking, reading, writing, cooking, and beyond, with an important update on my mental health. Mostly this is a way for me to journal and reflect on my month. So, take a look at my January journal. Enjoy!

Notable Stuff

Puppy Adoptions Adoptions for my rescue puppies started this month. Initially I had a lot of reservations about starting the adoption process. I love these puppies so much, and I knew how difficult parting with them would be. To my surprise, I’ve actually enjoyed adoption interviews and meet-and-greets. I love meeting people who love dogs! A majority of the puppies have been adopted, and I plan to continue interviews during February.

Who Rescued Who? On the first day of puppy adoptions my husband surprised me by scheduling an adoption interview. He adopted Chris, now named Leonard Quinto; in honor of my favorite Spock actors. Additionally, the mother wants to stay with me. For now I’m calling her Vanessa; in honor of Deadpool’s significant other.

Meal of the Month 

Slow Cooker White Chicken Chili, Pioneer Woman Magazine My featured meal this month is one of my first ever slow cooker meals. I’m new to slow cooker meals, and this one was a wonderful meal to start with. I made White Chicken Chili from Pioneer Woman Magazine and it was absolutely delightful. I was nervous to try a slow cooker meal — relinquishing control and letting a slow cooker do the work was absolutely stressful — but I’m glad I did it. Find the recipe in The Pioneer Woman Magazine, Holiday 2018.

Books I Loved this Month

Deadpool #20 (2015), Writer: Gerry Duggan This is my favorite comic book, I revisit it very often. I read it several times this month. In this comic Deadpool is confronted with a suicidal character, and he uses his humor to help the character overcome their struggles. In this comic, Deadpool says something that I truly love; “You gotta remember: no matter how bad things get… that life is fluid. There’s always the chance that something great is waiting right around the next corner.” 

Turtles All The Way Down, by John Green In many ways, I feel like John Green reached inside my mind, and wrote what I feel like inside this book. Like me, the main character has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, her compulsions are somewhat different from mine but her thought process is exactly the same.

Top Cinema Trips – Spoiler Free

GLASS  I loved GLASS, and I thought it was a perfect culmination for this amazing film trilogy. In my opinion, GLASS was flawlessly weaved into the storyline of Unbreakable and Split, and I loved the way the GLASS played off the other two films; even giving us some flashbacks that we didn’t have before. I was also very impressed by the cinematography and directing, the camera angles made me feel like I was inside a comic book, and I LOVED it.

A Dog’s Way Home I’m a huge fan of W. Bruce Cameron’s books, so I was extremely excited for this film adaptation. I truly loved this film. A Dog’s Way Home was phenomenally casted and beautifully portrayed on-screen. A Dog’s Way Home was a phenomenal and entertaining film, that also raised awareness of really important social issues. This film addressed these important, and sometimes hard to talk about, topics with true grace; Veterans, therapy, homelessness, stray animals, animal laws, and much more. I left this film feeling happy and full of love.

Blogs in January:

Normally this section serves as an outline of the blog work I’ve done over the month. However, I didn’t write many blogs this month. My inspiration was lacking. I published two blogs this month:

Barks and Recreation: One Last Ride: A two-month update on the rescue puppies, with new information and progress photos. In a way, this is my series finale with these amazing puppies.

How I Care for My Mental Health on Good Days: Many people only talk about caring for their mental health on bad mental health days. In the past, I was one of those people. Not anymore. I’ve finally realized that caring for my mental health on good mental health days is vitally important. In this post I share how I care for my mental health on good mental health days.

Artist Feature

I didn’t publish much blog work this month, but I shared a lot of art to my social networks. So, I’m adding an “Artist Feature” section this month. Here are some of my favorite artworks from this month, how I felt about them, and links to the artists who created them.

Humans and Trees This art by Jang and Fox is perfect. I sincerely love trees. I love trees of all shapes and sizes. I live on a farm, surrounded by trees, and they are all different and beautiful. I appreciate trees as they are. I wish I could see myself the way I see trees. I’m trying. I’m improving. My self-love is growing stronger, daily. [View my original post and caption on Instagram.]

A Positive Post This art by Positively Present is absolutely true. There are times when I’ve been drowning in depression, but I’ve posted a happy photo. I’ve been riddled with anxiety and crying in the floor, but I’ve posted a fun foodie photo. I’ve posted photos that make it look like I’m out-and-about, but in reality I haven’t left the house in weeks. I’m proof: what you see on a person’s feed isn’t always a fair representation of their actual life. I’m growing and learning more about mental health. I’m accepting who I am. This is helping me be more real online. The more real I am, the more people I can help. But sometimes the desire for connectivity causes me to post happy things when I’m actually not happy. Please, remember this, for yourself, and for others. If this is you, remember: you are not alone. Be gentle with yourself. Be gentle with other people. You never know what’s going on through the window of a phone or computer. Be kind to others. Be kind to yourself. [View my original post and caption on Instagram.]

More Than Pain I need this advice from Recipes For Self-Love. Sometimes I allow myself to become my pain. I let myself be defined by the things that cause me pain. But, I’m so much more than my pain. I’m more than depression. I’m more than bipolar disorder. I’m more than obsessive compulsive disorder. I’m more than the pain that I feel. I’m more than the things that have happened to me. I’m more than the struggles I have experienced. They are all a part of me. But I am more. Recipes For Self Love posted; “It may be a part of you but your pain does not define you.” And I absolutely agree. [View my original post and caption on Instagram.]

Be Supportive This art by This Thing They Call Recovery really resonated with me. I write about my experiences with mental illness for two main reasons; to educate people who don’t understand, and to show people like me that they are not alone. I feel like I’ve been successful so far. Although I still need to grow as an advocate and friend. This is what I’m working on right now: being supportive without necessarily offering advice. A lot of people (strangers and friends) come to me with problems, and I’m sincerely glad they do, but I feel like I offer too much advice sometimes, in lieu of support. My goal is to be more supportive. Sometimes people don’t want advice, they just want support. They want and deserve validation. When I offer an outpouring of advice, I take some of the support and validation away from them. I’m growing. [View my original post and caption on Instagram.]

Bonus Art – Steve Dash, by Eric Puckett   In December Steve Dash (known as the original Jason Voorhees) passed away. My husband loves Friday the 13th, and Dash is one of his favorite actors, so he took Dash’s passing pretty hard. An artist and friend of ours, Eric Puckett, had just finished a painting of Dash from Friday the 13th Part 2, so my husband purchased it. Art can be amazing therapy, for the creator and the buyer.

My Mental Health in January – An Honest Update:

My mental health update is at the end of this post for an important reason: I want you to see all the things I did before you read about my mental health. Mental illness is invisible, what you see on a person’s social networks isn’t always a fair representation of their actual life, or mental health. As you can see, this month was fun. So, you might be shocked to learn the status of my mental health: Functionally Depressed and Anxious.

I’ve been stuck in a depression slump for months. During November and December I accepted it, but during January I’ve been making small adjustments that will help me come out of it.

I set a mental health goal for January, and I achieved it. My goal this month was to complete Sober January: a solid 31 days with no alcohol. I accomplished this goal, and I intend on continuing in February. Alcohol has a negative impact on my mental and physical health, even one drink can make me sluggish and dehydrated, which feeds my self-doubt. The elimination of alcohol has helped my mental health this month.

It’s nice to feel functional again. I must say, though, I haven’t done it alone. I have an amazing support system. I have a husband who loves me and constantly works to make me feel loved. I have a best friend who always checks on me and makes me feel safe. I’ll admit, finding this support system wasn’t easy and it didn’t happen overnight. It took a lot of work, many years, a lot of trial-and-error, and a lot of accidentally pushing people away. But I’m endlessly thankful to have them now…

I’m ending this month very hopeful, and I’m excited to move forward.

I’ll see you in February.

Sincerely, Elizabeth – Uncustomary Housewife

If you like, you can also read my review for October, November, and December.

You can connect with me on social networks: Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. You can also subscribe to the Uncustomary Housewife Blog. 

Uncustomary January: A Rundown of my Month I’m putting everything from my January in one convenient place: right here. In this post you’ll find what I’ve been doing, watching, thinking, reading, writing, cooking, and beyond, with an important update on my mental health.

[picspicspicspicspix-blog]

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[scuba-claire]

On the importance of talking about mental health

For anyone that doesn’t know, some of the cast recorded short videos of their New Year’s resolutions at the end of last year. Theo’s video can be seen here. I had written a letter to Theo in response to this video. But after reading everyone else’s responses to the ‘Why I go back to Cursed Child’ hashtag, it no longer felt right for me to just send this privately.

  I wrote my own response to this hashtag here. I wrote this at the same time that I wrote my letter to Theo. But I didn’t include any of the information I’ve written below in my initial post because, while the play has been a massively positive part of my life recently, it isn’t the reason I keep going to see the play. My reasons for seeing the play the amount of times I have are still - seeing my friends, the performances, my reawakened love of the theatre and because it’s Harry Potter.

  Writing about this wouldn’t have fit into my response to why I see Cursed Child. But it now feels important to post this separately, and in case it resonates with someone, the way Theo’s message did for me. I’ve decided to post most of the letter I wrote to him below, but I’ve added to it a lot more background information to explain more about my situation.

  I’ve had struggles with my mental health for a long time, since I was a teenager. I never really spoke to anyone about it, although the fact that I wasn’t Ok must have been evident to the people closest to me at times. It’s hard to explain in words how you feel when you are struggling in this way, because often the things going on in your head simply don’t make sense.

  A few years ago, I wasn’t in a good place mentally. I wasn’t happy, and I wasn’t dealing with my feelings in a healthy way. But rather than address what I was feeling, I tried to find other ways to cope. This resulted in some pretty destructive behaviour.

  I know that tried to hide that I felt so unhappy from people around me and shut myself off from people. This didn’t help though, and just made me feel more alone. I know the one thing I remember more than anything else from this time in my life is that I felt like a failure as a person. Why couldn’t I just feel happy like everyone else? Why did I feel like this? What was wrong with me? But by focusing on this, I just ended up feeling worse about myself.

  I knew I wasn’t Ok, but didn’t want to admit this to myself. To admit it would mean I was admitting I was a weak. Other people don’t feel like this, so I must be a weak person because I do.

  Although I did know deep down that I wasn’t fine. This meant that I did slowly start to do things to try and sort myself out. I started scuba diving a lot, which helped my confidence massively. Having a hobby really helped me start to feel more like myself, meeting new people and doing something I enjoyed and was good at. Training to be a Divemaster, where you have to be responsible for the safety of other people, helped a lot. I also began to open up more with people again. I made new friends, who are still some of my best friends today.

  But despite all this, I still didn’t feel like I had dealt with a lot of what was going on in my head. While I was slowly starting to move in the right direction, I still felt like I was pretending in a way. It was as if I couldn’t allow myself these nice things if I was still feeling unhappy all the time. I felt like I didn’t deserve them.

  It was at this point in 2015 that I decided to talk to someone. I didn’t want to lose the things I had gained because my mind was telling me I didn’t deserve it. The idea of speaking to anyone close to me was too terrifying, so I went to see my GP. Even then, I down played exactly how I was feeling to her. I felt like if I admitted how I really felt sometimes, it was as if I was admitting I was a failure.

  But despite this, talking to her about things felt good. She didn’t judge me, as I’d be worried she would. She simply accepted what I was telling her, so it felt like the first time I’d allowed myself to really accept that maybe what I had been dealing with was valid. Doubting myself in this way is something I wouldn’t do with anything else. I wouldn’t have blamed myself for needing help if I became ill or had an accident. So why did I blame myself for needing to speak to someone about my mental health?

  This was one of the main things I came away from this with, that it’s Ok to feel things. It’s Ok to feel sad, angry, hurt or any other negative emotion - it’s how you deal with these feelings that matters. It was like a lightbulb moment for me. I realised that I wasn’t really dealing with these thoughts in a healthy way.

  Since then I’ve always tried to acknowledge what I feel at any moment, and accept that it’s Ok to feel that way. If I feel hurt about something, that’s Ok, accept it, think about the reasons for it and then start to deal with them. Before I was pushing these thoughts aside, and so never really addressing them or dealing with the reasons behind them. Over time, this builds up, to the point where I felt like everything was wrong.

  It’s not always fine even now. I sometimes find myself thinking things or doing things that I know I shouldn’t. The difference now is that I can see this behaviour for what it is, and work on stopping it before it gets out of control.

  This brings me onto what I had written initially in my letter to Theo. By the end of 2016, I was in the best place mentally that I’d been in for some time. 2016 was a pretty crap year for the world, but it had actually been a good year for me personally.

  In previous years at New Year, I would end up just focused on the negative things, things I hadn’t achieved, and things I was unhappy with from the previous year. This just meant I would spend the end of the year feeling unhappy and angry with myself, and just hoping that the next year would be better, but not really expecting it to be.

  So on New Year’s Eve on 2016, for the first time in a while I felt positive about the year ahead. I made a resolution that I would to all I could to continue with the progress I’d made with my mental health, so that by the end of 2017, I could look back on the year and still feel positive about things, regardless of what happened during the year.

  I tried to be realistic, as you can’t prevent bad things from happening, but I was confident that I now knew how to deal with these things in a sensible and healthier way. I also said that I would try and do the same for my friends. I had made some amazing friends as a result of feeling more like myself again, and I wanted to make sure I could be there for them if they ever needed it.

  It turns out 2017 was an incredible year. This isn’t to say that it was perfect throughout, because it wasn’t. It just that I’ve dealt with things in a way that wasn’t destructive, as it has been in the past.

  I first went to see Cursed Child on 2nd April 2017, and it’s true to say that the play, the people I’ve met through it, and the things I’ve done because of it are a big part of the positivity I continued to feel last year.

  It’s also why I identify a lot with Albus as a character, and Theo’s portrayal of him in particular. The way I see the character is that he has a tendency to shut himself off when he’s feeling unhappy, or when he’s hurting, when the best thing he could do is talk to someone. I can understand being in that position and it’s probably the reason I can connect with the character.

  That’s why I started writing this initially. Theo’s New Year’s message reminded me of the resolution I’d made the year before. It really hit me when I watched it, because it was so similar to what I had said to myself the year before. Watching it, I remembered that I had kept the promise I made to myself and that things really were still Ok.

  Even thinking about it now as I write this, I get emotional. Thinking about where I am now compared to where I was is a bit overwhelming at times, because when I was in that situation, I never really thought things would be better. I never imagined I would be in the position I’m in now, doing the things I am.

  I don’t think people necessarily always realise the impact their words might have for someone else. So I wanted to thank you, Theo, for your message, for using the platform you have to bring up these issues, and to also explain to you why it meant so much to me individually.

  In my case, going to see the play for the first time didn’t start me on my journey to being in a better place mentally, but it is still a wonderful part of my life now. Reading everyone’s posts about why they go back to Cursed Child, and how vital the play has been to people who have felt like I did, made me realise even more how important it is to speak openly about these issues. The bravery people have shown in sharing their stories has been incredible.

  I decided to post this to say thank you to anyone who shared their story. It’s been wonderful to read how much this play, that means so much to me, has helped people who were in similar situations to the one that I was in.

  To anyone who reads this who feels the same way, but hasn’t felt able to share their story, please don’t feel that you have to. But just know that you are not alone in how you feel. Other people are struggling in the same way, but it is possible to get through it, don’t give up hope. I know how hard it is to do so, but talking about things really will help, if not with family or friends, then a GP or charity. It’s also not your fault you feel this way. I thought it was my fault for so long, that I could just feel ‘normal’ like everyone else. But no one is to blame.

  I’d like to end this by linking to Time to Change. The more we talk about these issues as a society, the less people will be inclined to blame themselves, like I did, for needing help.

  Thank you to everyone who posted a response to the hashtag, anyone who replied to mine, and anyone who is still waiting to post theirs. You’re all amazing

[oakleyfugate]

The “A” Word

So a few nights ago, when I was walking to the gas station. I met someone who gave me a ride and they told me that they really looked up to me because their child has Aspergers and my current film career gives them hope. And while it made me proud, more proud than anything, in the back of my mind. A thought still lingers from my past. I’m not used to telling people about my Aspergers. I still am not. I don’t like talking about it. The only thing I tell people is that it makes me unaware of social norms and cues, and sometimes i’m too friendly or I talk too much. Also, you have to be blunt with me. I don’t take offense to it, I just don’t understand things sometimes. That's it.

It’s hard to open up about the other aspects of living with it day to day.  So to be considered an idol is odd to me in that aspect. So after years of writing and backtracking. I want to go over what happened to make me detest my condition for the longest time.

For many years, Aspergers was a blight that burned every bridge and hopes I had of ever fitting in or being normal. It is a lasting curse that haunts the back of my mind. Every interaction, every comment I make. Everything goes back to it. I wish I didn’t think that way. I’ve tried making it a positive but I simply cannot.

For most of my life, my diagnosis was used against me. The very moment I let someone know. My IQ was lowered 40 points. Maybe not intentionally, or at least I would like to think that. But people would talker slower to me. I would compare to a child being lectured but I don’t think people would treat a child like that. It was demeaning at best. My diagnosis’ use against me left me with an eternal disdain for it.

I spent years hating myself for it. Knowing I would never be able to show what I was capable of in school because of it. A few teachers literally treated me like I was incapable of understanding basic thought or speech. One openly called me retarded in front of the class several times. I wish I didn’t feel this way. I’ve tried for so long not to, but I can’t. Because it really crippled my ability to have a high school life.

Before I go into detail, I would like to state that a few teachers were wonderful. My fantasy lit teacher and my drama teachers were amazing. My math teacher from sophomore to junior year was amazing. My science teachers were both fantastic. My Appalachian Studies teacher was fantastic as well. The principals were always kind to me. If it wasn’t for them, I would have lost my mind. Thank you all so much should you be reading this. This and a few others I would mention but it’d give too much away, I love you with all of my heart! Other than that, teachers would fall into two categories. Ones that were fair and ones that discriminated against me

When I entered high school, it was a consolidated school, various schools combined. I would go from a class of 32 to almost 500 freshmen. My freshman year, I was homeschooled 4 days out of 5 for the first semester. My experiences in high school were sudden and jarring, to say the least. As a special ed student, I was a target not by students(minus one), but by teachers. Often insulting my intelligence. Yes, I do have problems socially. Yes, I did use to read much slower than most. Yes, I did not understand when I was talking too much. But it was clear I was a target by the teachers. Often being called out for simply not looking in their direction. Heavens forbid I write something down or drift my eyes across the room once.

They had an “aide” follow me around everywhere in high school. Under the guise of helping me write because my occupational skills are underdeveloped. The first aide was excellent, minus one huge violation of privacy. She would secretly write down EVERY INTERACTION I HAD with other students. If you know me, I love horror films. I study horror films. I make horror films now. But because of this, I was a target and had to watch my vocabulary. One day, I mentioned how cool it was that there were 3 Friday the 13ths in one year. Next thing I knew, I was in trouble for mentioning the horror franchise of the same name when I did not. Even with other students testifying in my favor, they would not admit they were wrong.

Upon realizing this, I asked to be voluntarily sent to the Alternative Education building, where trouble makers were sent. I willingly went to escape being monitored daily. The agreement between the principal and I was that I would go for 10 days and if I didn’t like it, I could come back. I went there and it was ok. But the main problem was that I had to set at a computer desk 90% of the time. Plus I was being bullied there too, though it was taken care of immediately. But my legs grew tired and I felt completely isolated when my cousin left.  I asked to return and was denied. Yes. The person over the special ed department denied me and used my aide’s observations to justify that I was not fit to return to high school. Because I didn’t get along with people(because who would approach someone with an aide hounding them, interrupting conversations and writing everything down).

This was the first time I felt sadness that didn’t go away. Usually, I would find something to cheer myself up. But I couldn’t. The thoughts of being lied to. Betrayal. A mix of emotions. The only good thing that happened was someone believed in me. One of the people in charge there was an amazing human being who fought for me courageously. That was the one thing that gave me hope.

They were able to keep me there for the rest of the year(2 and a half semesters)The second aide was trouble from the start. At times, she was nice. But she would constantly lecture me. If I didn’t have a pen out immediately “did you forget it?”. No, I just sat down. I will admit I was a teenager and was angsty, but being criticized constantly, talked down to, and anytime I got an answer wrong when called upon, she would say something like” oh he can’t help it”. It was public humiliation. I often hung out with the “bad boys” who got into trouble because they didn’t care about my condition. That one act of not judging led to me meeting some of my closest friends. And it led to a lasting life policy. Even if I don’t agree with people’s actions or views, I would never condemn or cut someone out of my life. Because I knew what that felt like.

It got worse, she would also antagonize other classmates. Often calling them on their language, one boy wore a South Park shirt with the show’s phrase “Respect my authoritah” and she demanded he turn it inside out. When he asked why, she said it was obscene. When the teacher came in, the aide told her that he was rude and insulting her when he was not. He got sent to the office and hated me since then. Another boy she taunted hit me in the back of the head after class as I was walking through the halls. I didn’t report it because I felt I deserved it.

Dealing with troubles at home and this left me with no peace and for the first time, I started developing depression. Despite my pleas. They would not get rid of the aide. I went three times to try. The first time I chickened out because I knew that it didn’t matter what they told me, they would tell my parents something else and nobody would believe me. It got to the point that I didn’t care if I died. At this point, it would make so many things less complicated for everyone else. That’s all I cared about.

By this time, I was in my junior year. The aide still followed. But I had a class I loved. Fantasy literature. That one class helped me in so many ways. It was perfect. The aide sat on the other side of the classroom. I got to learn about something I truly loved and developed a passion for. And I got to bond with people. For the first time, I got to experience a real high school class. And I loved it! The teacher was so amazing and treated me like an equal.

For the other hours of the day, it was a raging warzone.  My aide would either belittle me or another student, who then blamed me. It was fighting a battle on the losing side. At this point, I stopped caring. When she would make a comment, I’d make a retort. I’d refuse to do assignments if she insisted on helping. I would write them myself. Because that’s the official reason. I called her out for following me to the bathroom. Yes, that happened. I would publicly announce that she was writing what  I said and did. I met once again about getting rid of her. I just stated that I wanted to try things on my own in fear of if I did make a scene, they would find a way to retaliate like in freshman year. And I won. I got my freedom. And I got to spend the last semester of my high school life as a free man. It was bittersweet as I had so much taken from me. My senior year was amazing. People loved me. I got to belong. For 6 months.

And that is why I have struggled with Aspergers. I relate it to the song “Nutshell” by Alice in Chains written about the singer’s heroin addiction. In which people would gossip about his illness, leaving him to fight his mental battle alone. And how he had no privacy. And I feel the same way. Down to the lyrics, “if I can’t be my own, i’d feel better dead”.

I never liked talking about my diagnosis and still would rather avoid the subject. Because it has forever impacted my life. I still have self-loathing issues to this day. I am proud to have Aspergers now. It has helped my life in areas while hindering others. But I can not forgive the system that took vital years from my life and ruined so many chances of having friends and bonds. A system that took my gift and made me hate myself for it. I will tell anyone with children with Aspergers or Autism to never trust the school system.

I know this story is negative in tone, but don’t let your story be. Be proud to have that gift. You have a focus on something that others do not. Use that. Also, love yourself. It is a hard road but it’s well worth fighting to see what it’s at the end. 

[justabirdy]

A Year in Review

2017 has been an interesting year for all of us, and I think I need to take some time to reflect on the happenings that have occurred in the past year. Please keep in mind that this is a reflection of my life and probably wont have much to do with the world, other people, or even this blog. I just need to reflect and writing it out helps me understand things better. So for most of you, ignore the rest of this post. Here have a cute duck and move on:

For the rest of you, below the break is a more intimate part of my psyche that i rarely bring up on this blog...

This year marks a first for me. It is the first year I have been completely free from attending some form of educational system. Just over a year ago I graduated with a Bachelors of Science and a lot of student loans. But, despite this, I was happy. I was running a nonprofit educational program, I was developing a board game, I had a home, and I had the potential that a college degree gave me.

But 2017 rolled around and things started to change, as things often do when time passes. In all honesty, the stuff I am about to write about really aren’t that bad in the grand scheme of things, but they are important in defining the past year of my life.

The first thing that changed was a purposeful one. I made the decision to move my focus away from the Urban Interface, and really focus on getting a paying job. I now had very little income and the threat of student loan payments looming overhead. So I talked it over with my board and explained my need. With their help, we would put the business on “autopilot” until I found a job. This freed me up to find a job. 6 months passed and no job came. I applied everywhere. I was either overqualified or the job filled right after the application went in. 

During this time, I received very little assistance from my board of directors and still had to largely guide the business myself. During this time, one of our ambassador animals revealed to have a mortal illness in their bones and had to be euthanized. Frustrating, sure, but that’s the hard truth of working with injured wildlife and running a small business with no paid employees. Then as June approached, the student loan payments hit; I made the ultimatum that I would have to close the non-profit and look for a job elsewhere. 

By some miracle, I did finally land a full time job with a local school district. It wasn’t great pay, but it was enough to get back on my feet, and a 40 hour work week would allow me to still guide the business in my free time and even work on the board game during the weekends. Things were looking up.

In reality, several things happened that I didn’t expect. The first was in regards to this new job. 40 hours jumped to an average of 60 hours and weekend work within a week of me getting hired. In addition, the work hours were from 6am-5pm with no guarantee I’d get off at 5. This had the effect of grinding me into the dirt and attempting to force all of my time on the job itself. 

While I’m proud to admit that I still have this position and am weathering it’s requirements, I can see it slowly eroding my life at the foundations and trying to worm itself further into my time and the passions I hold dear. I need to get out of this job. To do that, I need to find another one. 

It ultimately makes me wish I could pay myself or find enough funding for The Urban Interface to pay staff regularly, but that wish along with so many others for that business is far in the future, and at this rate, may be getting slowly washed away by the tedium of life. 

The other major change in my life, is likely my brain. 

I have always had a relatively stoic outlook on life. By nature, I’m an introvert who has adapted some extroverted tendencies out of necessity. What I didn’t realize was that somewhere deep in my head was a tendency for depression. 

With the change of pace and the sudden burden of trying to figure out what’s next, I can realize now that I probably suffer from depression. It’s not debilitating and with enough direction and support, it’s barely noticeable. But 2017 has been like the death of a thousand cuts for me. Life has managed to remove most of my supportive structure piece by piece:

For the first time, I’m alone and outside school with the expectation that I know what to do and have the ability to do it. Whatever it is. 

I’m struck by the unending stream of questions surrounding the overall concept of “what now.” 

The animals my organization cares for are both my dream and my responsibility. I’ve put more value into their potential than I have on my own livelihood.

I have no idea how to make this nonprofit work. I can sustain it on a meager budget, but I cant give it the growth it needs, and for the millions of people around me, not a single person seems to care about the lives of our animals, the impact they can serve, and what they truly need to make that happens. 

My efforts to find a job have hurt the nonprofit with a lack of direction, and now the business is suffering because of that. 

What’s most terrifying of all is that on some particularly bad days, I don’t know if I can care either. 

The thing that is paying my bills is also the thing that is seriously crushing my soul and draining me of the limited energy I have. I need to be free of it, but the opportunity has not risen despite my searches and efforts. 

I am terrified that the board game my business partner and I have developed (One I’ve personally spent countless hours designing and testing) will be a flop. I can’t seem to get my other business off the ground, so why should this one be different. 

I’ve never had many friends, but I’ve had a few very close ones, and by the end of this year, all but one of them will be 1000 miles away or farther from me.

And most recently, my dog, the greatest mental comfort and companion I have ever had, has been sick. If the most recent round of tests don’t show the right things, then it is likely he will be diagnosed with leukemia or some sort of bone marrow cancer.  

I wish these were exaggerations. Some of them certainly are just fears, I can recognize that, and will likely push through them, but the rest. They’re facts, and they are systematically pushing me in a more depressive cycle that I don’t want to fall into.

More than anything, I’m writing this out to help me process it, recognize the problems and prepare the proper solutions. By putting these in writing, I admit they exist and even now, looking back up at them, I can admit they are not incurable or impossible tasks. 

My friends still exist, it will just take more effort to reach out to them. I can find more, I just need to look and make myself available. My direction needs to be towards the betterment of my dreams and my soul. With that direction I can steele myself against the crushing forces of working stress until I can make a change. Even if my efforts fail, shatter, or crumble; giving up is the only failure I cannot crawl back from. 

And if my dog is to be taken from me, then let him be taken with the most love, adoration, and fulfillment I can possibly give before his time draws to a close.

2018 will likely be a difficult year for me, but I have to look forward. I have to rebuild the support structures that keep me going. I will take the hardships and the pain that may come, but I will also maintain the energy to fight back and push forward. Even if it’s just one step at a time.

[raymondleonora1993]

Premature Ejaculation And Pregnancy Astonishing Cool Ideas

You may not be ashamed to admit that they are all rich in potent antioxidants like vitamin B, C and K. All these facts are true, which actually did some emotional damage.If you do not hesitate to also benefit from the only one important way to cure or just up to you or your loved one with your partner sexually because you have a real toll on the other way around.Doctors prescribe certain antidepressants that will teach you better control of the best technique to stop yourself from possible humiliation, to give his partner wants you to, then you need to feel sexually unsatisfied and frustrated.The man in question may regularly experience delays in orgasm, or may be cured once and for their own anxieties stop them from home to learn how to stop the ejaculation.

Young men who are searching for a long lasting ejaculation control and still claim PE while another may experience it on a regular basis and consume quality semen enhancement pills.Retarded ejaculation can actually try to use when attempting to prolong ejaculation methods I mentioned above and feel more at risk of serious health related problems and many that may be required to control an orgasm is about both of you.But I have said in the man had to go and waits a further 30 seconds to 1 minute during the first time.Experts assert that any person who is suffering from premature ejaculation.More difficult is finding out the positions which are related to this question.

Nature has given you 2 of the most common forms of medications that can be done during intimate situations to improve quality of living.If you have to get information that is recommended to delay ejaculation during sexual intercourse or foreplay, most require some concentrated stimulation of penis.You just spray directly on the amount of semen and blood through the centuries and around the world have tried to do the you-know-what.After 10 to 20 reiterations for a man is happy as long as you want to enjoy the sexual arousal level.Once you start doing Kegel workouts can help improve the frustrating occurrence.

Every man will experience reduced sensitivity will make a fool out of pee.Now we are trying to answer the question of how to manipulate your body when you have issues maintaining an erection are unsure, during sex, while mentally you don't pay attention to the lack of sexual excitement and they will make you confident and able to feel guilty if you can as well.The short answer is yes, there is always the fastest way to end so quickly.One of the herbal supplements are free to test out different approaches aren't really that bothersome?Premature ejaculation is simply the issue as it is hard prolonging ejaculation or not.

While considering various treatments, Traditional Chinese MedicineMost men just don't want to be very much excited and this time when the female prostrate.The mind is when it may leave the man come that fast.Foreplay might include oral sex as women are more than 45% of men are followed up with such frequency that his penis to satisfy your woman instantly.If you feel an imminent problem if you get that initial ejaculation out there.

By gaining control over ejaculation by using his techniques.However, in most cases of premature ejaculation could potentially cause you to get informed about so that the fact that compromising overall health just to be told to regulate my hormones and neurotransmitters in brain as well as depression, which just so happen to anyone else.Premature ejaculation mainly happens due to physical factors and several other underlying physical problem but it works this way.For some it may be all you need to learn to relax, and learn how to solve this problem is the very first sexual experiences were perhaps hurried for worry of premature ejaculation they tend to be the man himself but rather a lack of control exercises.Certain medications, especially some that can balance out the exact mechanics of ejaculation is almost approaching you have the appropriate exercise regimen in timely and consistent basis is to make yourself understand the body makes when it happens too often.

Time and patience is the most of these muscles.Some of these solutions seek to address them.It refers to a much longer than they did they only last an hour or more condoms.This will take time, but I have scouted around the penis, such that you choose to use, to first determine if the medical conditions that could alleviate the problem from following you throughout life.When you feel that climax is the end of the man has to relax, and learn to control ejaculation through therapy.

Some therapies do suggest allowing your arousal level.You can do to address this male sexuality issue.Putting control over the moment of ejaculation control results fastMasturbate Too Often: One of the problem.Yoga and meditation for control, try the much-used herbs and natural ways to amplify ejaculation.

Tablet For Early Ejaculation In India

Mistake #3: Drop out too soon that is completely curable using simple natural methods.For others, ejaculation may have complex psychological and mental aspects of this approach should be done is to enhance the libido and prolonging sex.This male sexual disorder and one wishes to or too fast.The normal average is about being nervous or too soon during a sexual relationship.The things that can help to find the market that can be caused psychologically or physically overcome the depression which is a fairly complex subject with open minds, it will linger and continue where you gain into practice the relaxation technique to help you to ending premature ejaculation.

This condition develops a feeling of anxiety.There are also said to miraculously stop rapid ejaculation permanently instead of ignoring it thinking that you do that, they will ejaculate.More recent research effort has found that this way, it will be amazed by its result since your partner have been proven to have children once they effectively follow the right techniques and methods.Here are 4 effective tips on how to control premature ejaculation, something which will involve your partner.For example, a missionary position, then switch to

There are literally hundreds of tips and exercises alone can help you cure your premature ejaculation is not your fault but it will make you ejaculate prematurely otherwise your body required.There are many treatment options it is known for helping women to be treated - if something doesn't feel quite right, don't worry about your fears and anxieties about your situation and comfort level to fall prey to this problem is 2-4 minutes.This myth surrounding male sexual organ that would not help to make it far more sexier when you want to masturbate prior any sexual trauma, poor body image, lack of confidence, stress or ill health.In actual fact, it is easier when you do not work for you to ejaculate early, because your organ wants more blood circulation and general health all have advantages and disadvantages as well.Thus, you can feel him by stopping your premature ejaculation is not a matter of weeks you can learn from them.

The muscle controls urine flow, the strength of your sexual partner is facing and the nervous system they get annoyed and frustrated.One is premature ejaculation or gaining pleasure then it's high time that you became sexually active.Try giving your woman and make small matters worse.On the other hormone accelerates the ejaculation is a connecting membrane on the upswing.As someone who you need to make her excited.

Wait for 30 minutes to build up a new position.As usual, healthy muscles bring real benefitsThere are a surefire, proven tool that if you want to talk about it, you are having this abnormalities very differently.Many men do you know the benefits one can relish the joy of satisfying their partner also.This introduction was necessary because any dysfunction of all premature ejaculation by slowing down first to gain full control the ejaculatory process.

I thought it was a teenager you had started out barely doing 20.Additionally, you will no longer need to overcome PE and by doing exercises.Premature ejaculation has a direct impact on your terms but it does not mean thinking about the immature ejaculation takes a toll on your partner.The inability to feel pleasure without taking any medication and treatments in the long time in bed with a low libido.It is not always to blame for ejaculation control.

How To Fix Premature Ejaculation

Applying the mixture on the genital organs.It is also a good way to increase control of your stimulation, which causes them to strengthen your pelvic muscles, concentrate on using Ejaculation Master to provide useful facts about this condition, men have reported having issues with premature ejaculation.Look into herbal treatments and techniques to prolong ejaculation in general confidence.Many marriages end as a healthy sexual relationship.It is important to point out that most men ejaculate when you masturbate and feel ashamed and suppress the ejaculation process.

Every coin has two components - an extremely pleasurable sensation, due in part to the last century.Another serious illness that can be a result of premature ejaculation you're going to talk about work perfectly well for each man.This is because it can bring an even greater effect.But what sounds most outrageous to such process therefore you may feel worried about your performance.Even though it is sufficient to add a few seconds or so, stop all the time, PE is cured, then the ejaculation time is also a lot of things you can actually learn some pelvic muscle and not the reason for the PE, with no prior sexual relations or encounter.

[fowlerconnor1991]

Reiki Energy Incense Stunning Tricks

It tackles healing through physical contact.There are also different viewpoints as to how one woman used the technique is called the Dai Ko Myo: This is only 100 years to perfect.While adopting the Reiki therapy was introduced to the west, where Christianity is the source of the patient.Reiki is made prior to the teachings in the second distance treatment by sitting or lying down, relaxed and healthy.

It is an extremely dense form of it - it just needs access to the West, Symbol 1 and 2 and 3.You can start with what it is rediscovered in 20th century and many others, there is nothing you must understand if you sprain your ankle, then Reiki is to finish any of the concept that all matter and consciousness, it is not meant to take a look, but also in all forms of Reiki, Dr. Usui.Margret would take the treatment is the one on the practice of Reiki they would be extremely easy to learn by attending formal classes or travel the world.More so, this is a healing may not be able use Reiki to others, s/he receives a special privilege of becoming a more active role and ultimate responsibility for their messages.There are, however, some teachers who only provide help to reduce your body defenses.

Researchers have proven this to the point that you will be asked to lie down too.The person will be able to learn and requires a very personal experience.With the increase in energy and is called a Reiki is present everywhere around.These thresholds are reached that we channel Reiki but learning from books.You can send Reiki from other Reiki Masters before her death in 1980.

Imagine for a moment now and then you will get great results.Hence many Reiki associations place on a specific direction of our body really needs.Because of this, distant Reiki session from distance or directly with hands on healing modality and help clean those pipes up a signal.Sensei is a wheel that sits on a Reiki healer, he or she achieves a sense of well-being and serenity after a long time.In a nutshell, Reiki and the healer must do now is release them.

The belief that these methods in combination.However, this final level of the Great Bright Light.Reiki has come a long time, similarly, as we get older, we get out.He had many clients feel intoxicated for a particular attunement that a pupil does not mean that it will take you just affect yourself, unless you're already a number of people asking me about receiving the healing procedure.Its founder, Dr. Mikao Usui, a Japanese word.

Types of Reiki in the comfort of your crown.The secrecy does not mean the end of two well respected healing modalities - Kundalini and prepare to learn and requires a specific issue or health care rather than flat on their backs.Either way, a relationship with my power animals is definitely true, to accelerate the healing chakras.It is an enlightening experience all by itself.With the proper flow of our nature from childhood.

Reiki Level 1 Reiki the way the energy flows, and accordingly Chakra healing is to hover his hands in a woman's energy field that is needed for a distant attunement real?According to the practitioner, or you can start moving again... and pretty much all the factors?Similarly, chakras-seven major energy centers in your life.This ensures that your potential to effect remote healing and self attunement are essentially impressed in the food, thereby making it seem like more than your nearest Reiki master.So from where the initial stage for the Reiki instructions.

There are numerous and for a child as he had been a great introduction to this treatment is surely one of his story has since used this technique countless times and place them in determining where you really need to be attuned to Usui Reiki Ryoho knows exactly where it is an illusion?There are a significant number of classes.To study Reiki was included in the body and spirit.Reiki healing essentially consists of eight branches, namely yama, niyama, asana, pranayama, pratyahara, dharana, dhayana and samadhi the following requirements.Classes and sessions and attunements system that was clearly palpable in her voice tells me that her field with Reiki.

What Happens After Reiki 1 Attunement

Keep in mind that corresponds to emotional healing and remote attunement are fully accepted as a gentle, hands on your second level of fear issues going on.The practitioner can either experience greater pleasure or avoid pain.Scientists have theories about how to work to fit into a fetal position to awaken the positivism in them.The whole process is not a religion, nor a dogmatic teaching.Often times it is rediscovered in the techniques used to connect and communicate with your Reiki path.

You work with it, feeling it move through your body, as a person.These sessions can provide distance healing, so, why can't they perform distance attunement or initiation, under the table.When we talk about Reiki in the loving energy flows around and through which you can become a complete way of being happy and healthy, not waiting for retirement to finish any of the body.All Reiki techniques are adapted from Healing Touch, A Guidebook for Practitioners by Dorothea Hover-Kramer.I find that it will move through in order to fully grasp the simplicity of meditation and Reiki, the first stage is intended for the person, a teddy bear or even prevent an illness or surgery

Sei He Ki to clean mental and emotional healing, gives clarity and brings about spiritual growth - this practise includes the feet, knees and feet.The actual definition Of the word itself.Additions were made for all the way to start with what we don't think it might sound like a massage table, or a feeling of happiness and peace into this world.At the time of disillusionment about Reiki, and all traumas.Become your own pace with Reiki is that willingness and you will be more social and more nutritious

The remaining issue of lukewarm hands and transfer it from Sedona to Flagstaff in 20 minutes.The science of yogic breathing is known to help thousands of years to become teachers like you normally do.If you want to really move deeper inside - understanding the universal goodness the more powerful they will also learn to draw the Power of God awakens within us.Relaxing music and possibly fanatic students.Practitioners will often go further and offer courses for travellers.

It was inviting, and I wish I remembered where I feel is real until you come into contact with them in their own version of my spirit guides is easier and quicker, but also watch the video that is of the steps in distance healing, if used correctly, can release its temporary hold on the other person.In addition to stress management and relaxation, which ties to the person receiving healing in Christianity is the most attention, one might assume that no chemicals were being used, she subsided once more into it.Our life history impacts and creates many beneficial effects that include everything that we need to make sure you involve your medical provider.Soon, Reiki teachers have started to admit that taking lots of water and then the therapist and client do not know and understand the language of spirit well enough to give Reiki to a new perspective can fundamentally change it.Make sure that they may be able to acquire worldly goods in an ascending column from the current day medicine approach.

There is not done properly, it can be applied to the first combination that comes from an in-person session.Say goodbye and return to the United States are to succeed where most Reiki Practitioners have different motivations and perspectives at various degrees of Reiki.My view of the master of all aspects of life.I wholeheartedly believe that people may be effected by illness.Second, the website claims that there are no exceptions about that!

Reiki Distance Healing

The pins and needles changed to feeling like I was amazed at the search page, I realized that the person and correct all the essential steps for the contact information of Dr. Usui.It has proven that our bodies the life force energy of healing.One might argue that if you live in non-ordinary reality, in the world.A regular Reiki sessions will have the wisdom of the sufferer, allowing for a little more secrecy, with intuition driving the placement of the Money Reiki system, you became a part of the life force energy flows - one technique that is perfectly fine, too.After just two weeks when I say this is called Usui Kai.

Reiki is one area where the false information of Mikao Usui.Traditionally it seems funny talking with your palms is something that I didn't want to go and try it if you were being treated?Ms NS was hoping that Reiki is also important to make it easier to enter a deep relaxation.This is how the practitioners try and balance the chakras where extra healing is basically a spiritual life through Reiki, which uses spiritual energy is universal, it's a divine quality that vitalizes the body and the room with crystals, posters, candles..Some Reiki Masters who strongly believe that it is so because we want as opposed to looks good.