#I don’t know if it was the first time they called me dad or the first time i dommed them or the day i asked rhem out initially

[tideoverwater]

im baaaaaack! also please feel free to send requests, i'd love some more inspo. let me know what you guys think!!!! <3

The tension in the air was suffocating. The pristine dining room, filled with candlelight and polished silverware, had long since emptied, leaving Y/N alone at the grand oak table, staring at her untouched glass of wine. Her parents had left first, exchanging tight-lipped glances and murmuring their disapproval under their breath. Her brother and his girlfriend followed soon after, their expressions a mixture of pity and amusement. By the time the last guest excused themselves with a polite but knowing smile, Y/N felt her heart sink into the pit of her stomach.

Rafe never showed.

The dinner had been important—so important. Her family wasn’t the kind to welcome just anyone into their exclusive circles, and after weeks of convincing, they had finally agreed to let Rafe join them for a formal dinner at her family estate. It had been a chance for him to prove himself, to show them that he was more than just the reckless, wild Cameron boy with a reputation for trouble.

But he hadn’t come. No call. No text. Nothing.

By the time she got home, she was fuming.

The moment she stepped through the front door of Tannyhill, she tossed her purse onto the table with more force than necessary, the loud thud breaking the unbearable silence. She barely had time to slip off her heels before she heard the front door swing open.

"Y/N—"

Rafe’s voice was breathless as he stumbled inside, his hair a disheveled mess, his dress shirt untucked and wrinkled as if he had rushed over. His blue eyes were wide with panic the second they landed on her.

"Where the hell were you?" Y/N’s voice was sharp, edged with anger and something dangerously close to heartbreak.

Rafe shut the door behind him, running a shaky hand through his hair. "Baby, I’m so sorry—"

"Sorry?" she repeated, letting out a bitter laugh. "Sorry?" Her hands curled into fists at her sides as she took a deep breath, trying to steady the storm raging inside her. "You were supposed to be there, Rafe. You promised me."

"I know," he breathed, stepping toward her. "I know, I fucked up. I—"

"Do you have any idea how humiliating that was for me?" she cut him off, her voice cracking as she met his gaze. "I sat there for two hours making excuses for you while my family—my entire family—judged me for even thinking you could handle something this important."

Rafe flinched at the pain in her voice, guilt clawing at his chest. He had let her down—again. He had never seen her like this before. Sure, they had fought before, but this was different. This was real. This was breaking her, and it meant so much for him to meet her family and he knew this. 

"I was on my way," he insisted desperately. "I swear, I was on my way, but Ward called, and I had to handle something for him. I thought I had time, and then everything got out of control, and before I knew it—"

"Do you even hear yourself right now?" Y/N snapped, her arms crossing tightly over her chest as her nails dug into her skin to hold back the burning tears she could feel forming. "You thought you had time? You thought I’d just sit there and wait for you while you handled business for your dad? This is bullshit Rafe, and you know it."

Rafe clenched his jaw, frustration evident on his face, but it wasn’t at her—it was at himself. "I didn’t mean for this to happen."

"But it did happen, Rafe!" Her voice wavered as her emotions surged forward, overwhelming her completely. "And now my parents think I’m just some stupid girl wasting my time on a guy who can’t even be bothered to show up for me when it fucking matters." Rafe’s heart clenched at the sight of tears pooling in her eyes. His breath hitched, and before she could step away from him, he was in front of her, his hands grasping her arms gently.

"Hey, no, don’t say that," he pleaded with a hint of anger in his tone. "You are not stupid. You are the best damn thing that has ever happened to me."

Y/N shook her head, blinking rapidly as she pulled out of his grasp. "Then prove it to me, Rafe. Because right now, I don’t feel like I matter to you at all."

Rafe felt the panic in his chest turn into something worse—fear.

Without thinking, he dropped to his knees in front of her, his hands reaching out to grip her waist as he pressed his forehead against her stomach.

"Baby, please," he begged, his voice raw. "Please don’t say that. I swear to god, you mean everything to me."

Y/N let out a breath softly, her hands instinctively going to his hair as she looked down at him with tears streaming down her cheeks.

"I don’t care about anything else," Rafe continued, his grip tightening as if he were afraid she’d disappear. "Not my dad’s business, not my reputation, not these stupid Kooks, nothing—I just care about you." He exhaled shakily, his voice dropping to a whisper. "I can’t lose you, Y/N."

Her resolve wavered as she felt his desperation seep into her bones. Rafe Cameron—the Rafe Cameron who never begged for anything—was on his knees in front of her, pleading for forgiveness like a man who had lost everything. Her heart ached. She wanted to stay angry, to keep yelling, to make him feel the full weight of what he had done. But the sight of him—his head bowed, his body trembling slightly—made it impossible.

She swallowed hard, her fingers threading through his hair as she let out a shaky breath. "Rafe..."

He looked up at her then, his blue eyes glassy with unshed tears. "Fuck—Please, baby," he whispered. "Tell me how to fix this. Tell me what I have to do."

Y/N closed her eyes for a moment, trying to gather her thoughts. She was still hurt. Still furious. But she also knew Rafe, knew how deeply he felt things even when he didn’t know how to express them properly.

"You can’t just say you care, Rafe," she said softly, opening her eyes. "You have to show me. I need to know that when I need you, you’ll be there. That I can count on you."

Rafe nodded quickly, his hands gripping her tighter. "You can. I swear to you, you can. I won’t let this happen again." Y/N searched his face, looking for any hint of dishonesty. But all she saw was sincerity, guilt, and a desperate need to make things right.

She sighed, finally lowering herself to the ground with him. Rafe immediately pulled her into his lap, wrapping his arms around her as he buried his face in her neck.

"I love you," he murmured against her skin, his voice thick with emotion. "So fucking much."

Y/N closed her eyes, letting herself melt into his embrace. She wasn’t ready to forget, but she knew that she loved him too much to walk away.

"I love you too," she whispered. "But Rafe... don’t make me regret it."

Rafe pulled back just enough to look into her eyes, his hands cupping her face with a gentleness that made her chest ache.

"I won’t," he promised, pressing a soft kiss to her lips. "I swear, I won’t."

The fight had drained them both, leaving behind nothing but the quiet hum of exhaustion and lingering emotion. Rafe had helped Y/N up from the floor, his hands never leaving her as if he was afraid she might slip through his fingers if he let go.

"Come on, baby," he murmured, brushing a strand of hair from her face. "Let’s get you ready for bed."

Y/N nodded, her body still tense, but the warmth of his hands on her skin soothed her more than she was willing to admit. Rafe led her to their bedroom, his touch featherlight as he guided her inside.

The room was dimly lit, the soft glow of the bedside lamp casting shadows along the walls. Rafe turned to her, his fingers trailing down her arms before he reached for the zipper of her dress.

"Can I?" he asked gently, searching her eyes for permission.

Y/N swallowed, nodding slowly. She could feel his breath against her shoulder as he pulled the zipper down with deliberate care, his knuckles grazing her skin. When the fabric pooled at her feet, Rafe didn’t let his hands wander. Instead, he pressed a slow, reverent kiss to her bare shoulder.

"You’re so beautiful," he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. "I don’t tell you enough."

Her heart clenched at the sincerity in his tone. She turned to face him, lifting shaky hands to undo the buttons of his shirt. He let her, watching her with those piercing blue eyes, letting her take control of the moment.

When his shirt finally slipped from his shoulders, he reached for her hand, intertwining their fingers before bringing them to his lips. "I love you," he murmured against her skin. "More than anything. More than I know how to say."

Tears welled in Y/N’s eyes again, but this time, they weren’t from anger. She stepped closer, resting her forehead against his. "Then show me," she whispered.

Rafe exhaled shakily, his arms wrapping around her waist as he pulled her against him. He pressed soft, lingering kisses to her temple, her cheek, the corner of her lips—everywhere but where she wanted him most. He was worshipping her, letting his love seep through every touch, every breath.

"Let’s get in bed," he finally said, his voice low and tender.

He pulled back just enough to help her into one of his T-shirts, the fabric swallowing her frame in a way that made something warm settle deep in his chest. Then, he led her to the bed, pulling back the covers before guiding her underneath. The moment they settled in, Rafe pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her as if shielding her from the world. His hand traced lazy patterns along her back, his lips pressed against the top of her head.

"You still mad at me?" he asked after a moment, his voice quiet in the stillness of the room.

Y/N sighed, tucking herself deeper into his warmth. "A little," she admitted.

Rafe let out a soft chuckle, kissing her forehead. "I deserve that."

"You do," she agreed, tilting her head up to look at him. "But I also love you. And I believe you when you say you won’t let this happen again."

His jaw tensed, and he nodded, brushing his fingers along her cheek. "I won’t. I swear to you, Y/N. I’ll always put you first."

She sighed, relaxing into him. "Good."

For a while, they just lay there, wrapped in each other, the steady rise and fall of their breathing in sync. Rafe continued to whisper soft reassurances, his lips brushing against her skin between each promise.

"You’re everything to me," he murmured. "My whole world."

Y/N tightened her arms around him, pressing her face against his chest, letting the steady beat of his heart lull her into peace. And as sleep finally pulled them under, she knew—despite everything—they would always find their way back to each other.

[4ranghaes]

ੈ✩‧₊˚ bnd with pregnant!reader

ot5 bnd x reader [fluff, afab!reader, pregnant!reader]

a/n - i just felt a bit weird writing woonhak, considering he’s younger than me idk,, hope you still enjoy!!!

sungho🎀 [4 months along]

“wait! wait, wait,” he said quickly, slamming the car door on his side before running round and opening your own.

you chuckled, “thank you, ba–”

“here,” he said, taking your hand, placing his other hand on your back as he helped you out the car.

“sungho,” you sighed, as he rushed to grab your bag and lock the car before ushering you inside, “sungho!”

he stopped, turning to you. he’d just reached the front door of your house, key in his hand as he stopped.

“you need to stop fussing over me,” you laughed, “i’m fine. i’m barely even showing yet!”

sungho sighed, placing his hand protectively on your back as the two of you walked inside, “i know. i’m sorry, i just– i already worried about everything when you were just you! now it’s you and our baby, in one person?! everyday i think i’m going to combust when i think about it.”

you collapsed on the sofa, your body tired and achey. even if you weren’t showing, pregnancy was still doing a number on your body. you laughed at your husband’s words, beckoning him to your side, “i need you to be normal, for my own sanity. and i need you to calm down, for your own health.”

he nodded, leaning on your shoulder, wrapping his arm round your waist, “i’ll try.” he sighed in contentment, his thumb rubbing gently on your stomach, “that was a good scan today.”

you nodded, placing your hand over his, “i love hearing their heartbeat.”

sungho grinned, looking to you and nodding, “i know, makes it feel real that there’s a little person in there! i can’t believe it.” he quietened down again quickly, massaging your legs he knew were aching, kissing your forehead softly. “son or daughter?”

you chuckled, placing your hands over your stomach and humming, “i have no idea.”

“come on,” sungho jeered, “mum’s instinct?”

you smiled, butterflies erupting at the sound of being called mum for the first time, “the instinct is that they’re beautiful and loved, no matter what.”

“yeah…” your husband hummed, “but a daughter would be lovely, right?”

you giggled, nodding as you played with his hair, “and you’d spoil her completely, i’m sure.”

riwoo 🦦🍡 [3 months along]

“was that a dream?”

you hummed, rubbing the sleep from your eyes before snuggling into your husband’s chest, “what?”

“last night,” he said, staring at the ceiling. he glanced at you, a small smile on his face as he wrapped his arm around your shoulder, pulling you close. “i could swear i had a dream that you told me you were pregnant.”

you giggled, “hmm, i wonder why.”

riwoo chuckled, “i can’t believe it. i feel like i need to do something… tell someone? buy something?”

you laughed, “just hold on. i think we should wait until 20 weeks to tell people. that’s what they suggest, anyway.”

“sounds good,” he nodded, sighing with contentment, “wow. i mean, before the years over we’re gonna have a baby. at christmas! oh wow. do you think it’s gonna be a boy or a girl?”

you giggled, closing your eyes from sleepiness, “i don’t know, sanghyuk.”

“i need to research,” he hummed, stroking your hair, “i don’t know anything about pregnancy or babies.”

“did you know they can already hear?” you smiled, rolling onto your back and placing your hand on your stomach. nothing was showing, but just the idea was exciting. riwoo looked shocked, scooting down the bed and resting his head on your chest, his hand on your lower stomach.

“they can hear me?” he smiled, stroking the skin softly.

“yeah,” you said, stroking riwoo’s hair, “go on, say something. i’ve done it a couple times.”

“okay,” he chuckled, humming for a moment as he swiped his hand over your stomach, “hey baby. i– i don’t know anything about you yet. haven’t even seen a scan. but i’m your dad. um… i guess you’ll get to know me pretty well. i’m excited to meet you, in 7 months. it feels long, but i’m sure it’ll go by quickly, and then you can celebrate christmas with me and your mum. speaking of your mum… you’re inside her now, so she’ll take good care of you. but i hope you treat her well too, don’t make her too ill. um… i don’t really know what else to say so i’ll say bye for now but i’ll speak to you again soon, okay? i’ll play you one of my songs too! feel free to kick or whatever to respond if you like it–”

“five months.”

“hmm?”

“usually you don’t feel the baby kick until five months,” you smiled, stroking your husband’s hair back as he turned his face to look at your face now, instead of your stomach.

he frowned, “that’s so long.”

“come on, we have to get up now,” you groaned, stretching before sitting up.

“okay,” riwoo sighed, pressing a quick kiss to your stomach and leaping out of bed, “i’ll start the coffee— oh.”

you grumbled, glaring at him, “don’t rub it in.”

jaehyun🪻🐕 [6 months along]

“hiya pretty girl,” he said, bursting into a smile as you wandered into the living room.

you glared at your husband, “don’t patronise me.”

“i’m not,” jaehyun laughed, “come on, sit down, i’ll rub your feet.”

“you will?” you asked, almost tearing up in gratitude.

“of course!” he exclaimed, voice soft like a melody as he helped you onto the sofa before pulling your legs up so they were resting in his lap.

“sorry i was grumpy,” you said sheepishly, as he started massaging your soft-covered feet and legging-covered calves.

“it’s okay,” he beamed, “be as grumpy with me as you want, my girl! you’re carrying my baby.”

one of his hands trailed up to rest on the bottom of your rounded stomach. you smiled, placing your hand over his before dragging it upwards to where your daughter’s little feet were kicking repetitively.

“woah, harsh!” he gasped over-dramatically, rubbing the spot with his thumb.

jaehyun was good at leaving you to your own devices during pregnancy, knowing that too much worrying and fussiness would be overbearing for your already over-loaded body and mind, but sometimes you didn’t mind a bit of fuss.

“do you want anything particular for dinner?” he asked, moving back to massaging your feet.

you hummed, “no, i don’t have anything in mind. you can choose.”

“okay,” he said suspiciously, “but i’ll check with you first, yeah? i want you to eat.”

you smiled, nodding and going back to your phone.

“oh check your emails, by the way,” he said, barely even looking at you as he spoke, “i ordered some things for the nursery.”

you clicked on the app, eyes widening at the confirmation email you’d received that morning. “some things?! jaehyun, this is the whole nursery!”

“well we needed to get it done, right?” he shrugged.

“oh thank you,” you cooed, removing your legs from his lap and instead cuddling into his side, “how did you know i was stressing about that last night?”

“you wrote it on a post-it note to remind yourself, and then forgot to put it up,” he chuckled, kissing your forehead, “no need to worry anymore, though.”

you sighed, pregnancy brain ruining your ability to even think anymore, “thank you, love.”

“that’s okay, pretty girl,” he smiled down at you, “and hey, why don’t we go clothes shopping soon? hmm? you know we’re gonna love that.”

you smiled, nodding as jaehyun pressed a soft kiss to your lips, “you’re the best.”

taesan 🎸🐈‍⬛ [7 months along]

“dongmin, have you seen my tape?”

“woah,” he smirked, sitting up on the bed as he ogled you in the doorway.

“what?” you sighed.

you were stood wearing nothing but a crop top that only covered your boobs nowadays, with booty shorts, and your hair which had finally had a wash after a week was put away messily.

“you look gorgeous,” he blinked, face unwavering as you rolled your eyes.

“please,” you scoffed, practically waddling over to your husband.

he smiled, “no, i’m serious. i don’t think i’ve ever been more turned on. god you’re sexy.”

“oh my god keep it in your pants! i’m already pregnant,” you rolled your eyes, standing in front of him, “now can you answer my question?”

“your tape? oh the belly supporter one? yeah, it’s in the dresser,” he hummed, “i’ll get it, you sit down.”

he swapped your positions so you were sat on the edge of the bed and he wandered over to grab the tape, coming and helping you stand back up to put it in position.

“how could you possibly find me sexy right now?” you laughed, looking at yourself in the mirror as you planned where to put the tape to support your body the most.

“cause you’re all mine,” he murmured, kissing your shoulder as he stood behind you, “and everyone knows it. and you’re so cool, you’re carrying a person, our person.”

you smiled, taesan’s hands snaking round your waist and resting on your stomach as his head rested on your shoulder.

“sorry i find cool and powerful women so sexy,” he shrugged.

“wow you’re such a feminist,” you laughed, taesan shaking his head as he chuckled. “speaking of, how’s the nursery coming along?”

“nothing you need to worry your pretty little head about, princess,” he hummed, kissing your shoulder as he went and grabbed his laptop off the bed, “in two weeks it’ll be done, and we’ll be fully ready for our little guy. okay?”

you nodded, smiling as taesan continued to stand behind you, admiring you in the mirror. you basked in the moment for a while longer, sighing in contentment as you leaned against his body.

“fuck,” you cursed under your breath, seeing a large wet spot appear on your crop top.

“fuck,” taesan murmured, “i need to get you pregnant more often.”

you glared at him, “not helping.”

leehan🪸🐠 [5 months along - warning: mentions of like,, being able to see the baby move? some people find that gross so i wanted to leave a warning😭]

“y/n?”

“up here!” you called from the bedroom, as leehan came through the front door after work.

you heard your husband sprinting up the stairs, two at a time as he usually did, appearing in the bedroom doorway with a goofy smile on his face.

“hey, how was your— woah.”

he stopped his question, looking at your rounded stomach which was seemingly moving beneath the skin.

“this is so freaky,” you chuckled, “i mean, interesting. but weird, right?”

“that is so cool,” he said, quickly coming to the side of the bed and kneeling down, peering closely at the skin.

you laughed, “she’s really in there, huh?”

“hey, baby,” leehan spoke, poking your stomach gently, “why you wriggling so much? you uncomfortable?”

you chuckled at his words, stroking the hair on the back of his head as he resting his chin on the mattress.

“wah,” he spoke, placing a hand flat on your stomach, letting it be moved by your unborn child, “wah. hi baby, it’s daddy. remember me?”

“i hope so, considering you speak to her twice a day,” you laughed.

he smiled, kissing his fingers and pressing it to the skin. he continued to blink, in a quiet fascination of your baby, and of you, for carrying her inside you.

“is it uncomfortable?”

“no,” you shook your head, “feels weird though. i couldn’t even describe it if i wanted to.”

he nodded thoughtfully, “how long has she been doing this?”

“all afternoon,” you said, before adding sheepishly, “i phoned the doctor at first. they were a bit pissed at me, i think, cause it turns out it’s absolutely nothing to worry about. but i just thought this movement seemed excessive, right?!”

“yeah, they’re a dick,” leehan said, voice almost emotionless, “you’re just worried for your baby, you’re being a good mum.”

you smiled, “thanks, love. anyway, they said she’s probably just moving position, but it’s early enough that they’re confident she’ll move back before it’s time to come out.”

“she’s just an acrobat, hmm?”

“or a dancer, maybe?” you smiled, leehan looking at you shyly before looking back to your stomach.

“i want to name her sua,” he said, suddenly.

“sua?” you repeated, “as in… water themed?”

he nodded, “either that or i name her after a fish, so it’s up to you.”

you laughed, leaning over and kissing his head, “sua sounds perfect.”

[superiorsturgeon]

Jaune: *sitting his kids down* Jamie…Jessie…it’s time we had a talk.

Jaune: You’re both getting older, and you’re going to be doing more things on your own now, so it’s time for your old man to arm you with some knowledge to stay safe out there!

Jamie: (Arkos son) *whispering* Oh gods, it’s the sex talk! 😨

Jessie: (Arkos daughter) *getting up* …uh…I think I hear mom calling me…! 😰

Jaune: *pushes his daughter back down* Nice try, kid. Now sit down, this is important.

Jamie/Jessie: *bracing themselves* 😖

Jaune: And unclench yourselves, this isn’t the sex talk. I know your mother already told you about that. 🙄

Jessie: …wait…if this isn’t a sex talk, then what is it…?

Jaune: *sets up an easel with a prepared slides*

Jaune: First, if you’re cooking in cast iron, don’t put it in the dishwasher or soak it. You’ll ruin the seasoning, and your uncle Ren will never let you hear the end of it.

Jaune: Second, never lend money to anyone named “Branwen.” That money is gone forever the second you put it in their hands, no matter what they agree to sign!

Jaune: …and most importantly, if you handle spicy peppers with your hands, make sure you wash your hands before touching your face or any other sensitive skin!

Jaune: *thousand-yard-stare* Especially your bathing suit area…! 🥵

Jamie: …

Jessie: …

Jaune: …

Jamie: …dad…please tell me you didn’t…?

Jaune: The ER nurses make you explain in detail how you were injured. 😓

[astars-things]

For the Jack Hughes x teenage daughter reader request, would you be comfortable doing reader going through her first break up and him getting upset that she never told him she was dating to begin with? you can chose the ending if you would like!

reader is 16

I looked at my phone and saw a text from my boyfriend, now ex, saying Sorry, I just don’t think this is working out. That was it. No explanation. No closure. I sat there on my bed curled up in a hoodie that was way too big for me, my cheeks damp from crying. My phone in my hand his last text still unread. I knew I should delete it, block him, do something to make it easier, but I couldn’t.

I had been dating Ryan for six months. Six months of secret dates, late-night FaceTime calls, and butterflies every time he smiled at me. And now it was over. Just like that.

I wiped my nose on my sleeve, exhaling shakily. I had been holding in the sobs for too long, trying to be quiet, but apparently, I wasn’t quiet enough.

A knock at my door.

“Y/N?” My dad’s voice was hesitant. “You okay?”

I sucked in a breath, forcing myself to sound normal. “Yeah, just tired.”

There was a pause, then the door creaked open anyway. My dad wasn’t the type to just walk away when he thought something was wrong. I turned my head away, but he wasn’t fooled. His eyes immediately softened when he saw my face.

“Hey…” He sat on the edge of my bed, his brows knitting together. “What happened?”

I shook my head, biting my lip. “It’s stupid.”

Jack Hughes, NHL superstar, my dad, was not easily convinced. He reached over, brushing a tear off my cheek with his thumb. “If it’s got you crying, it’s not stupid.”

I hesitated. The last thing I wanted was to get into this. But when I saw how genuinely worried he was, something inside me cracked. “Ryan broke up with me,” I whispered.

I felt him stiffen. “Ryan?”

Crap.

I winced, peeking up at him. His expression had completely changed—his jaw clenched, eyebrows furrowed, and his usual soft blue eyes hardened with something else.

“Who the hell is Ryan?”

I shrank under his stare. “Dad—”

He stood up, running a hand through his hair. “You were dating someone? Since when?”

My stomach twisted. I had dreaded this conversation. I knew he wouldn’t like it, which was exactly why I never told him. “A few months,” I admitted, my voice small.

He let out a humorless laugh. “A few months? Y/N, are you kidding me? You were dating some guy for months, and I didn’t even know?”

“I didn’t want you to freak out,” I mumbled.

“Well, guess what? I’m freaking out now.”

I flinched at the sharpness in his tone. He sighed immediately after, pressing his fingers to his temples. “Y/N…why didn’t you tell me?”

I sniffled, looking down at my lap. “Because I knew you’d be like this.”

“Like what?”

“Overprotective. Annoying. Acting like I’m still a little kid.”

Dad’s expression softened, but the frustration was still there. He crouched down in front of me, his voice gentler now. “Y/N, I’m your dad. It’s my job to be overprotective. I just—I thought we told each other stuff.”

That stung. Because we did. My dad and I had always been close, ever since I was little. But this was different.

“I didn’t want you to scare him off,” I admitted, wiping my nose. “Or treat me differently.”

He sighed, rubbing his face. “Okay. Okay.” He sat back on the bed, staring at the ceiling like he was processing this information. Then he glanced at me again. “So…Ryan. What happened?”

I swallowed past the lump in my throat. “He said, "Sorry, I just don’t think this is working out."

Dad frowned. “Then he’s an idiot.”

I let out a small, watery laugh. “That’s not helpful.”

“I mean it.” He shook his head. “Anyone who makes my daughter cry like this doesn’t deserve her.”

I felt the tears building again, but this time for a different reason. “I just…I really liked him, Dad.”

“I know, kid.” He wrapped an arm around me, pulling me into his side. “I hate that you’re hurting.”

I let myself lean into him, my head resting against his chest like I used to when I was younger. “It just sucks."

He kissed the top of my head. “Yeah, it does.” A beat passed.

“And next time some idiot tries to date you, I’m gonna need a full background check, a resume, and three references.”

I laughed, the first real one all day. “Not happening.”

Jack grinned, squeezing my shoulder. “It was worth a shot.”

[cherryblossomcowgirl]

The Bodyguard

Bodyguard!Jake Seresin x reader; Glen Powell x reader

WC: 2.3k

TW: age gap; angst; weapons; possessiveness; mentions of death

.

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I cross my arms and huff, “This is so not fair, Dad.” He sighs, “Sweetheart, you knew this was coming. You had a security detail during my last term.” “I was in school then! I’m an adult now, Dad. I don’t need an armed babysitter.” “This is not a negotiation.” His tone is stern, the same one he uses during press conferences, and I immediately back down. The door to the oval office opens and one of his staffers pops their head in, “Mr. President, he’s here. Are you ready for him?” Dad nods and in walks the most gorgeous man I have ever laid my eyes on. Late 30s, tall, chiseled, tan, blonde hair, stubble, and a killer smile. My Father rises from behind the desk to shake his hand, “Hello, Mr. Seresin.” The man smiles, “Good morning, Mr. President.” Dad gestures to me, “This is my daughter, Y/n.” The blonde man turns to me, “Hello, Y/n.” I nod in his direction and my Father clears his throat, “As you can tell, she is not thrilled about this situation. I will warn you, this one gave her last detail quite the hard time. I would like to thank you and apologize to you at the same time.” Dad chuckles and the man nods, “Do not worry sir, she will be safe with me.” Dad sits back down and smiles, “I heard you are the best of the best. Let me know if you need anything.” The man nods and I walk over to kiss my Father on the head, “See you soon, Dad.” He grabs my hand for a second, “Don’t forget to call. I love you.” “You too.” I walk out of the office with my new shadow.

.

.

The sound of the engine humming fills the awkward silence as we drive back to NYC. My mind wanders as I stare at his hands on the wheel, they look so strong and rough. I gaze up his arms, vascular and practically bulging out of his shirt. He clears his throat, “So Ms. Y/l/n, would you like to tell me your daily schedule?” “Sure, Mr. Seresin. I wake up at 6:00 for my workout, then I walk home and shower. Right now I am in the writing stage, so I will set up my laptop at home or a coffee shop and write. Dinner with friends when I feel like it, but usually I just cook at home. Then I’ll watch something on tv and go to bed around 10. Also, you can call me Y/n.” He nods and continues to stare straight ahead at the road. After a few minutes I break the silence, “What’s your first name?” His green eyes pierce mine, “Jake. But Ms. Y/l/n, let me be clear about something. I am your bodyguard. You are my client. We are not friends.” I nod, turning to look out the window. This is going to be a long four years.

.

.

*1 month later*

“You can’t be serious!” Jake calmly sets down his coffee, “You can book private sessions, but no more group Pilates.” “Why not?” He doesn’t even look up from the newspaper, “Because I don’t know who will be in the class, therefore I do not have time to properly vet them.” I throw my bag over my shoulder and head to the door. He follows, “Where do you think you are going?” “Pilates. You work for me, remember?” “It’s not a good idea.” I roll my eyes, “What’s not a good idea?” His green eyes darken as he leans in, “Disobeying my orders.” A weird warmth starts spreading in my stomach. “Watch me.” I start walking out of my brownstone and he follows, begrudgingly. As soon as I get to class I see my friend, Glen. He walks right up and hugs me, “Hey, darling! I’ve missed you!” I smile, “You’re finally back! Pilates hasn’t been the same without you.” We put our things away, chatting about the movie he just came back from filming in Australia. As we walk into the room, Glen places his hand on my lower back and for a split second I swear Jake’s jaw twitches. His green eyes sear into Glen throughout the whole class. Afterwards, we say our goodbyes and I follow Jake towards my home. After a minute of walking in silence, Jake furrows his brow, “Who was that?” I chuckle, knowing immediately who he is talking about. “That’s Glen. He’s a… friend.” Jake’s next words come out low, “Yeah he seemed a little too friendly.” “Oh be quiet. He doesn’t see me like that. I mean look at him and then look at me.” The muscle in his jaw twitches again.

.

.

*The following week*

Writing had completely taken over my days. The last time I left the house was when I saw Glen at Pilates. I’m writing by my window and Jake is in the living room when my phone rings. “Hey! …. Oh that would be great! …. Okay, see you then.” I set down my phone and get back to writing. Jake walks over, “Who will you be seeing?” Without looking up I answer, “Glen. He would like to go to dinner.” His whole body tenses, “When and where?” “Tonight and I don’t know. He’s going to pick me up.” “No.” I turn to meet his green eyes that are burning with something I can’t identify, “What did you say?” He crosses his muscular arms, “I said no. He’s not picking you up and you aren’t going to a restaurant that I can’t check ahead of time.” I stand up, our faces inches away from each other, “I am going whether you like it or not. You can drive and sit a table away, or you can take the night off.” His cologne is distracting me. His voice lowers, “What did I tell you about disobeying me?” I start walking away, swaying my hips more than usual, “I’m going to shower. Be ready in an hour.”

.

After checking myself a hundred times in the mirror, I decide I am ready. The only thing I can’t decide is if I am getting dolled up for Glen or Jake. Something about those damn green eyes. I decided on a mini skirt, baggy sweater, tights, and my favorite pair of boots. Jake is by the bottom of the stairs and I feel the heat of his eyes on me. There’s a knock at the door and I run over. Glen is smiling, “You look beautiful.” He wraps me in his arms, “Thank you! Mr. Seresin is going to drive. He’s more paranoid than my last detail.” Jake’s body looks stiff as a board as Glen smiles over at him, “No worries. You ready to go?” With his hand on my lower back he guides me to the black SUV, opening the door and all. We have been good friends for a while, and I would be lying if I said I never thought about him romantically. He is so kind, smart, funny, and attractive. I was shocked when he asked me to dinner, because he usually is seen out with actresses and models. We pull up to my favorite restaurant and Glen smiles. I follow him in, trying to forget about the shadow following us. It’s hard to ignore him when he is staring daggers at Glen the entire night.

.

Dinner is wonderful and afterwards Glen walks me to my front door. Jake is standing at the bottom of the steps, still staring daggers. “Thank you for dinner. I had a great time.” Glen smiles, “You’re welcome darling. Maybe one of these days we could grab coffee after Pilates?” “I’d love that.” Glen’s eyes glance down to my lips, but he leans in for a hug. He kisses my cheek and I wave as he walks to his car. Jake follows me inside and I throw my hands in the air, “You have GOT to be KIDDING me! He’s not going to kiss me while you’re staring at him like you want to kill him!” Jake shrugs, “A real man wouldn’t have cared.” “You’re impossible!” He walks closer to me and his voice is gravely, “My job is to keep you safe. I don’t care if that upsets you or the little pretty boys you want to date.” I lean in, “Seemed like you were the one that was upset, Mr. Seresin.” I turn around, starting to walk away. His calloused hand grabs my wrist and spins me back around. His voice is barely above a whisper, “You are playing a dangerous game here, Ms. Y/l/n.” My heart feels like it is beating out of my chest. Heat rises to my cheeks and I pray he doesn’t notice. I lean in, smirking, “Good thing that’s my favorite kind.” Twisting my wrist out of his hand, I head up to bed.

.

.

*3 months later*

“Wanna grab a coffee? I’ll walk you home.” I smile while I pack my Pilates bag, “Yeah, that’d be great.” Glen grabs my bag and throws it over his shoulder as I follow him to the cafe. “So, how was England?” He sighs, “Cold, rainy, gray… no you. But I think the movie will be great.” I nudge his arm, “I’m sure it will be. They always are.” He blushes and grabs our coffees. We start the walk back to my house and I almost forget Jake is there. Almost. A couple of stray paparazzi see Glen and run over. Before we have time to react, Jake pulls us into an alley. His entire body is covering mine and his hand is hovering over his gun. Heat is radiating from his body. His sculpted body is pressing into mine with every breath. After I get my breathing under control, I place my hand on his chest, “It was just the paparazzi. I’m sure they’re gone by now.” I feel his heartbeat, strong and steady. He back away, allowing us to continue walking home. Glen smiles at me, “Seems like he’s really good at his job.” I sigh, “Yeah, it makes up for how aggravating he is.” We chuckle and stop at my front door. Glen kisses my cheek, “Have a good writing day, darling.” I smile, “Thank you. Let me know if you need me to edit that script.” His thumb brushes my cheek, “Will do.” I wave as he walks back to his house up the street. As I walk inside I grab my computer to get set up, and Jake is chuckling to himself. “What’s so funny, Mr. Seresin?” Jake smirks, “Maybe he just isn’t good at aiming?” “Can you do me a favor and just stay out of my love life?” His smirk spreads, “There doesn’t seem to be one to stay out of.” I stand up, poking his chest hard, “Thanks. to. you. I’m not getting any younger over here!” He scoffs, “Calm down. What are you, 24?” “25 next month. How old are you? 40?” He puts his hand on his chest, “Ouch. I’m 38.” I shrug, “Close enough. Can we make a deal?” He raises his eyebrow, “I’m listening…” “You let me have Glen over, unaccompanied. You can have the whole night off.” His jaw twitches, “Not a chance.” I inch closer to him, “I have needs.” His green eyes darken, “Not my problem.” I storm up to my room, slamming the door. Jake is going to be the death of me.

.

.

*2 weeks later*

It’s Saturday, so I decide to sleep in. I finally head downstairs for coffee, but I decide to stay in my pajamas. I am frustrated and bored and decide it will at least be funny to mess with Jake. Oh and my pajamas? It’s a silky pink slip with lace around the edges. Jake is at the breakfast table, going through some files. “G’morning Mr. Seresin.” Without looking up he responds, “Morning Ms. Y/l/n.” I start to make my latte, making lots of noise on purpose. I feel his gaze on me so I reach up for my mug, exposing more of my thighs. He coughs, taking a sip of his coffee. Once I have my latte, I sit across from him. My phone rings, “Hey Dad! … Oh, really? … No, I understand. … Some other time, okay? … Yeah, Glen is great. He’s doing a press tour right now. … I miss you too. …. Love you, bye.” I blink the tears away from my eyes and sip my coffee. Jake furrows his brow, “What’s wrong?” “It’s nothing. It’s stupid, really. Dad can’t spend my birthday with me this year, he has some important meeting that came up.” His jaw twitches, “Is Glen going to spend your birthday with you?” I shake my head, “He’ll still be on his press tour.” Still reading, Jake asks, “What do you usually do with your Father?” I look down at my latte, tears threatening to spill over, “It’s always the one day I get him to myself. No cellphone. No assistants. We’ll play chess, catch up on life, and he always cooks us dinner. Then we watch our favorite movie, The Sound of Music.” I swear a real smile flashes across Jake’s face, gone as soon as it appears. He clears his throat, “That sounds nice. It must be hard sharing him with the world like that.” A tear falls down and I wipe it quickly, hoping Jake didn’t see. In a moment of vulnerability, I decide to tell him something I haven’t spoken aloud before. “My friends say they don’t understand why I am unsure about Glen. It’s not that he isn’t nice or good looking, I just know I’d have to share him with the world. I already have to be second for my Father… I just want to be first for someone.” Sadness crosses Jake’s eyes. He blinks it away, “You will be to someone.”

[astro-b-o-y-d]

Triangulum - Chapter 8 - Pin The Fist On The Triangle

 — — — — — — —

“You sure you know where we’re goin’, Dip?”

“Positive.”

A twig snapped beneath Dipper’s shoes as he hopped onto a nearby log. “Granted, we only went to the bunker, like, once last year,” he explained, shielding his eye with one hand to get a proper look at his surroundings. “But I did read Ford’s journal cover-to-cover a few dozen times, so I at least know what the tree hiding the entrance looks like.”

He flashed Stan a grin. “Plus, you know—found the journal itself near the bunker. And I’m never going to forget that day as long as I live.”

“Heh, yeah, I’ll bet,” Stan added. “Still can’t believe you managed to keep that a secret from me for over half the summer.”

The hand above Dipper’s eyes was slapped flat against his forehead. “I know, right? And I can’t believe you managed to hide all the portal stuff even longer than that! Man, if we’d just…said something to each other sooner, maybe we could’ve gotten Ford back a lot quicker!”

“Preachin’ to the choir with that one, pal—huh, hang on, now I need t’ breathe—”

With a wheeze, Stan propped himself against the nearest tree with one arm. “Can’t help Ford and Mabel out if one of us drops dead from ‘no-air-in-lungs’ disease before we get there.”

Dipper looked down at him and folded his arms in amusement. “You know if Ford was here, he’d probably correct you with the phrase ‘oxygen deprivation’.”

A grin of his own tugged at the corners of Stan’s mouth. “And if Mabel were here, she’d point out how you sound like just as much of a giant nerd as he does for knowing that.”

The two of them shared a laugh, one that petered off into a gruff sigh on Stan’s end as he shifted to a position with his back against the tree. “So, uh—that little birdie from before didn’t really explain why the two of you crafted some kinda plan to run off and help Ford. Or why you were the one to stay behind at the party instead of your sister.”

He winked playfully at him. “No offense, kid, but you ain’t the first person in the family I’d turn to when it comes to bein’ a party expert.”

“None taken, it wasn’t the original plan,” Dipper explained. “I offered to go after Ford myself, but Mabel was pretty set on being the one to go help him. Said she wanted to spend more time with Ford this year. But—”

The rest of his sentence fell with both his expression and body as he hopped back down from the log, and Stan quirked an eyebrow. “But, huh? Feel like sharin’ those thoughts you’ve probably been twistin’ yourself into knots over all day?”

“More than all day,” Dipper admitted. “Mabel’s just been acting kind of off lately. Not even lately, actually—ever since we got home last year. Every time the topic of Weirdmageddon comes up, she just gets so—okay, I know it’s the most obvious way to describe it but weird.”

A shrug. “She didn’t want to talk about it with Mom or Dad, and I didn’t really want to either. They had a lot to deal with last year, and we kinda just…agreed to keep that one to ourselves—”

“Smart call.”

“—but she also just kinda goes out of her way to avoid talking about it at all,” Dipper continued. “Even with me. Which, you know, I get it. I don’t really like thinking about it or talking about it much either. But with her, it just feels…different, you know? Like there’s something I’m missing that’s so obvious, but at the same time, it could just be me overthinking things like I always do.”

He pressed his hands to his face with a drawn-out groan. “Ugh, I kinda hope it’s that second one. I mean, Mabel and I are supposed to be a team, right? I thought after last year, we’d be able to talk to each other about anything that was bothering us. If we can’t do that…”

His words trailed off once again as he cast Stan an uncertain look. “Sorry, you probably don’t want to hear about all this,” he said “You were going on and on about how much of a Pines man I’ve become, and here I am—still getting anxious over stuff that’s probably nothing.”

He let out a weak laugh as his gaze fell to his hands, while Stan kept his own locked on Dipper for a moment of quiet consideration. One that he was quick to break before he could get too lost in it with a light nudge to the boy’s arm. “Hey, come on—you’re just worried about your sister havin’ something that worries her, and thinkin’ she can’t share that worry with you,” he pointed out. “‘Cause when you’ve got a twin, you would think that one of your worries is both of your worries. And then when it’s not, you’re left with your own batch a’ worries about their worries, and whether or not you’re worthy of knowin’ about their worries in the first place—”

He circled a hand in the air. “And now I’m talkin’ in circles and ‘worry’ doesn’t even sound like a real word anymore. Point is, it’s practically a Pines family tradition at this point to get yourself tied up into thought-knots over your twin’s safety and wellbeing.”

Dipper cracked a small smile up at him, one that fell into a knowing look almost immediately after it had formed. “Is that what’s been happening with you and Ford?”

A grunt was Stan’s response, his actual reply going unsaid for a few seconds longer than he would’ve preferred. “We’re talkin’ about you and Mabel right now, aren’t we?”

“We are,” Dipper agreed. “But you did say that ‘no one else was stepping up to help Ford out’ before we headed out here. Is that why you were spending all day on the boat? You wanted to find a way to help Ford?”

“I said we’re talkin’ about you,” Stan insisted, before pressing a hand to his own forehead and peering through a cluster of nearby trees. “So, either keep yappin’ about how worried you are over your sister or go back to pointin’ me in the direction of the bunker.”

BANG!

A loud gunshot echoed through the surrounding wood, snapping their attention towards the direction of the sound. “Huh, I think Ford might’ve just picked an option for me,” Dipper said.

“That, or some random hunter who’s late to the Shack party,” Stan added. “Either way, a gunshot usually means the opposite of anything good.” 

He pressed a hand to his chin. “Unless you fired it yourself, but even then it’s only good if you succeed in takin’ out whatever you were firin’ at in the first place. If it was dangerous enough to fire a gun at to begin with, you don’t wanna go and mess that up. Consider that some kinda life lesson or whatever.”

“Considered,” Dipper said. “But if it was Ford who fired the gun, that could mean something went wrong in the bunker. Him and Mabel might need our help!”

BANG!

Another shot being fired enveloped the area, and Dipper sped off through the underbrush in a hurry. “Wait, Dip—hold on a sec,” Stan called as he quickly followed after him. “Probably a bad idea to go running after the sound of a gun in the middle of the woods at—”

His warning was cut off as he stepped through a pair of bushes, only to immediately lose sight of Dipper between the dark trees. “ —night.”

He let out another sigh—one that finished just before a third shot was fired, and he took off running again with the faintest, stupidest hope that it really was just a random hunter with a complex for being fashionably late to parties. Those probably existed somewhere, right?

…Even in a town with as much weirdness as Gravity Falls, Stan still wasn’t sure how much of that he could actually buy.

 — — — — — —

“Stop running, Bill! You know we’re faster than you!”

Bill peered out from behind the tree he had ducked behind for protection, one hand resting against the trunk while he cupped the other around his mouth: “Question for you, Shooting Star: do you really think that asking politely is gonna make me obey?”

From where her and Ford stood a short distance away, Mabel stomped her foot with a huff. “Well, I’ll never know unless I try!” 

Ford remained silent during their banter, gun raised once again as he took aim at Bill. He had already fired several shots, all of which had been targeted at a non-lethal part of Bill’s body; legs, arms, even maybe a shoulder. 

Unfortunately for Ford, the number of bullets that landed a hit had been a big, fat, goose-egg of a zero. But now the chance to once again lodge a bullet into Bill’s skull had presented itself to him. A clear and easy shot if he moved quick enough.

Yet here he was—a hesitant finger trembling half an inch above the trigger.

He still hadn’t quite processed what had happened down in the bunker. One second Bill’s lifeless body had been sprawled out across the control panel, and the next he was barreling out the door towards the exit like he had never been shot in the first place—the only evidence to the contrary being the slowly-drying blood that still decorated the control panel.

All of which had taken place outside Mabel’s line of sight, an option that was no longer available due to the jabs and jeers from his right side.

He dared to pull his attention from Bill for a moment to watch her out of the corner of his eye. How did she feel, as she countered Bill’s retorts with her own? Had she concluded that any attempt to kill Bill had merely resulted in failure, and simply not dwelled further on that train of thought? Did she still harbor a grudge towards Ford over a mere attempt—successful or otherwise—to kill someone who so strongly resembled her brother?

“Grunkle Ford, shoot him!”

…Well, clearly the evidence presented to him suggested otherwise.

But despite Mabel’s insistence, Ford’s gun remained unfired. Even if Mabel herself truly held no negative feelings towards the ordeal, there was still plenty of other things to worry about when it came to the option of shooting Bill again.

What exactly did it mean if Bill was able to survive a gunshot to the head? Ford had originally assumed that Bill had been goading him into firing a shot as a means of escaping his vessel, but he had popped back to normal while still inside said vessel. Had a mad dash for freedom while his captor was too stunned to react properly been his real real plan all along?

His gaze returned to Bill. And what did that mean? That Bill simply couldn’t be killed at all, and he wanted Ford to be aware of that fact? Had that been his actual plan? What did it mean if—

“Grunkle Ford, he’s getting away!”

A tug on his sleeve and another outcry from Mabel finally snapped him from his thoughts entirely, just as Bill finally ducked out of sight and took off running again. Biting back a curse, he gestured for Mabel to follow as the two hurried after him—Bill’s devilish laughter trailing behind him and encircling them like snares around the necks of unsuspecting rabbits—

“ACK!”

—only to be completely cut off by a yelp of surprise and the sound of something tumbling to the ground just beyond a set of bushes. As Ford and Mabel finally drew closer and stepped through, they were greeted by the sight of Bill on his knees in the middle of a clearing—hands slapped to his forehead as if he’d collided hard with something at full speed.

And as their gazes travelled further over to the right, they were quick to realize that had been the exact scenario to unfold as someone else came stumbling out of a patch of nearby shrubbery.

“Dipper?”

Sure enough, Dipper now stood before them in the middle of the clearing—clothing a stained mess of dirt and mud and a hand pressed to his own forehead with a pained: “Ugh, did I just run into a wall?”

“Hey, you’re the one who ran into me,” Bill griped. “Seriously, Pine Tree, where’s the fire? What, did you mistake me for another redhead you never had a snowball’s chance of getting with in the first place?”

“Hey, I—”

Rather than acknowledge him, Dipper’s hand trailed all the way up to his hair and patted the top for a moment. “Aw, man, he knocked off my hat,” he muttered in annoyance before his gaze fell to his clothes. “And got dirt on my—ugh, come on, I just washed everything too! How is there this much mud out here, I’m pretty sure it hasn’t rained in a while…”

While he attempted to brush some of the dirt from his clothing, Mabel bounded quickly over to her brother’s side. “What’re you doing out here?”

“Could ask you the same thing,” he pointed out, directing an especially-perturbed scowl at one of the stains on his shirt. “Weren’t you supposed to be down in the bunker?”

“Ugh, tell that to him.”

Mabel followed up her reply with a scowl in Bill’s direction, one he reciprocated before pulling himself back to his feet. “Yeah, well, wouldn’t want to intrude on this touching family reunion, so if you don’t mind—hey, HEY!”

Before he could make a move to start running again, a strong hand grasped the back of his jacket and hoisted him up off the ground with a sharp yank—seconds before something cold and metal was pressed against his cheek.

Well, guess someone did mind after all.

Despite being quite literally caught off guard, however, Bill eyed the end of Ford’s gun with an unimpressed look. Now that he knew about Tangy’s rule of not being able to truly die until the game was over, any threats on Ford’s end were about as threatening as—

—well, honestly as threatening as they would’ve been back in his original form. What’s the worst that Ford could do now, put another bullet in his head?

Just for good measure, Bill cast a sidelong glance at his left wrist for a quick look at his speck. Most of it was hidden by his sleeve, but he could still make out the topmost—bottommost? It didn’t mattermost.—points just barely peeking out from beneath his cuff. Just enough that would be easily missed by anyone who wasn’t looking for it, but still noticeable for those who knew it was there.

He risked letting his gaze linger on it for a millisecond longer before his pupil shifted back to Ford. If he had had no way of knowing about Tangy’s little respawn trick until it mattered, then there was even less of a chance that Ford knew how it worked. Poor Fordsy’s mind had to be racing with possibilities about how he popped back to life down in the bunker—likely with no clear answers about how it happened and a million theories branching off in just as many directions. 

The corners of his mouth twitched with devious intent. Well, when the driver already had little control over the wheel, the best thing to do was to grab it with both hands and veer him so off-course that he went carreaning over the side of a cliff!

And sure, Bill might’ve no longer had access to the car dubbed Ford’s Mind, but he still had ways to tamper with the breaks. “So how’re we gonna do this, Sixer? You feel like trying to shoot me again?”

The gun clicked as Ford turned off the safety. “Stop talking.”

“Make me stop talking, then,” Bill goaded further.

From where her and Dipper stood, Mabel’s scowl lowered further for a moment before she turned to her brother with a brighter expression. “You said you lost your hat?”

“Yeah, might’ve landed in the bushes somewhere,” Dipper said, and started fumbling through the leaves. “He ran into me pretty hard—oh, wait, there it is—”

“I think I heard ‘em over here!”

As he rose to his feet with the hat clutched tightly in hand, the sound of footsteps approaching caused both children to take a few steps back—just in time for Stan to step out into the clearing. And upon seeing the group, he called behind him with a: “Yep, they’re h—”

A pause, before he looked back at them with several blinks of confusion. “Hang on a sec.”

“What’s wrong?” a voice called behind him, seconds before another person stepped out into the clearing to reveal—

“Wh—Dipper?”

Sure enough, a second Dipper now stood at Stan’s side, giving his sister a wave as he slowed to a stop. “Hey, Mabel, what’s—”

And suddenly his words were interrupted as well as he also took in the sight before him. “—happening?”

The entire group was silent, befuddled gazes shifting from one Dipper to the other. Even Bill couldn’t help but glance between them with a raised eyebrow of his own. “Well, this night’s just full of surprises, isn’t it?”

“You stay out of this!” Mabel chided him, before giving the identical boys another unsure look. “But…yeah, this is pretty weird.”

“Okay, so what’s goin’ on here?” Stan asked, pointing a finger at the Dipper next to him. “We got one—” He moved the finger to the Dipper who had originally crashed into Bill. “—two—”

And finally, to Bill himself. “Somethin’ ain’t right here. This one of your tricks, pal?”

“First of all, Goldfish, why would I tell you if it was?” Bill asked. “Second of all, what would making two Pine Trees accomplish for me personally?” 

He flashed his teeth at the rest of the group. “Heck, it’s bad enough that one of ‘em exists already! Personally I think not bringing another one into the world is just me doing the rest of you a favor!” 

He let out a cackle. “Meanwhile the faker’s just performing a microaggression against everyone else’s peace of mind! Haha!”

“Ugh, do you seriously have to lay it on that thick?” The Dipper from Stan’s side piped up in annoyance, before pressing a hand to his forehead. “Nope, no—not focusing on you right now. First we’ve gotta figure out why there’s currently two of me standing here.”

“Who cares why there’s two of me?” The other Dipper added. “I think the actual thing we need to be focusing on is which one’s the real one—”

He looked over at Ford. “Or, you know—getting rid of him, like I’m guessing you were trying to do until now? I just came out here to help you find a solution.”

“Hey, that’s why I came out here, too!” The Dipper beside Stan added, narrowing his eyebrows at the doppelganger. “And I’ve even got Grunkle Stan to back me up for that first thing! We’ve been together the entire time!”

“Darn right we have,” Stan agreed loyally, pointing a finger towards the other. “If anyone here’s some kinda fakey-fakerson, it’s that one!”

“Thank you,” the Dipper beside him said appreciatively.

“...Sure, there were a few seconds where the two of us got separated in the woods, but other than that, the kid hasn’t left my side once!”

The same Dipper cast a flat look up at him in annoyance. “Really?”

“Well, I’m not a fake!” the other Dipper insisted. “Ask Mabel, she’ll back me up! Right, Mabel?”

He cast a hopeful glance to his sister, only to be met with a lukewarm, so-so hand gesture in response. “I meaaaaan, we did just run into you a few seconds ago,” she pointed out. “I want to trust you’re the real Dipper, but you do have a weird trend of ending up with clones that look exactly like you.”

“That’s what being a clone means!” The Dipper beside her insisted. “Of course we’re going to look alike!”

“I don’t want to agree with him,” the other Dipper added. “But he does raise a good point, Mabel. It wouldn’t be a clone if it didn’t look exactly like me.”

“Alright, alright, everyone just calm down for a sec,” Stan ordered, turning his gaze to his brother. “Ford, any input on this whole Seein’ Double ordeal?”

Bill felt the tip of the gun withdraw from his cheek the slightest amount, and he once again cast a glance up at its owner. Ford had remained silent throughout the whole doppelganger reveal, and his expression was studious as he looked between the two of them.

Despite the concentration he put up for the rest of the group, Bill could feel the hand on the back of his jacket trembling just the faintest amount. A fact that once again returned the smile to his own face.

Perhaps Ford was genuinely trying to figure out the correct answer to the issue at hand. Or perhaps the sudden reveal of yet another Pine Tree was only scrambling his brain matter even further than it already was, leaving him open for further scrambling until his thoughts were completely servable with a side of mind bacon and a glass of mind orange juice.

And boy howdy, did Bill need himself a good plate of mind breakfast! The middle of the night was the best time for it, after all! 

Yeesh, first a mind car, then a mind breakfast? He was going all over the place with his metaphors. Point was, some higher power was being overly generous with all the opportunities they were granting him to mess with Ford’s head. And with the entire family—plus one—as witnesses, maybe revisiting the events of the bunker would succeed in agitating him further.

Worst case scenario, he got another bullet in his head for a few minutes. But in turn, the rest of the family got some trauma outta the ordeal and he had another opportunity to escape while they were too shocked to react.

“Sounds to me like there’s some pretty damning evidence on both Pine Trees’ sides,” he said aloud with a grin. “Perhaps a classic case of ‘shoot them both in the foot and see which one of ‘em cries harder’ is in order.”

“Absolutely not,” one Dipper replied sharply.

“Not in a million years,” the other added in agreement.

“I’m just saying, it’d probably be an effective method in finding the fake Pine Tree,” Bill pointed out, with a wink up at Ford. “Unless Ford would rather just give them both the same treatment he gave me down in the bunker instead.”

The gun was pressed against his cheek again in an instant. “Stop. Talking.”

He felt the hand on the back of his shirt tense, curling his smile further. “What, Fordsy, not up for a repeat performance now that you have an audience to see what you did?”

His grin widened as the rest of the group’s attention immediately shifted from the dopplegangers to Ford with varying levels of confusion. “Grunkle Ford, what’s he talking about?” one of the Dippers asked.

“Yes, whatever is he talking about~?” Bill asked, batting his eyelashes up at his captor. “Feel like sharing with the rest of the class? Or, I guess, showing the rest of the class? You were sooooo quick to do it when it was just the two of us down there, weren’t you?”

He continued to stare up at Ford with a smug expression, far too pleased by the malice in his own features as he pressed the trip of the gun further into his cheek. Oh, such malice might intimidate a lesser being into behaving properly—but for Bill, it only further confirmed what he’d known since the second he’d regained consciousness the day before.

Ford was terrified. Terrified and confused and desperate to keep control of the situation. And with the new information he’d learned down in the bunker, the cracks in his armor were becoming clearer and clearer—

“Who cares what happened down there?” Stan piped up. “Like we’re gonna listen to anything that’s coming outta that twisted mouth’a yours.”

“Yeah!” Mabel chimed in. “And anyway, why would we even think about shooting either of the Dippers! That’s the dumbest idea ever from the dumbiest, dum-dum ever!”

Momentarily caught off-guard by the interruptions, Bill cast them both a nasty look. One that only fell further when the grip on the back of his jacket relaxed again. Spoilsports. “Well, I don’t hear the rest of you coming up with any solutions.”

“You know, I might have a solution that doesn’t involve listening to him,” the Dipper beside Mabel spoke up. “In fact, that’s why I came out here in the first place. Well, sort of, I was already looking up a way to help you out with him—” A gesture towards Bill. “—but then I spotted something else in the journals that we could probably use to solve this issue, too.”

With a grin, he reached for Mabel’s hand and gave it a tug to pull her along. “So all we have to do is go back to the Shack…and—”

When the hand-pulling ceased to be effective, he looked back to see her giving him a confused stare. “Woah, woah, pop the breaks for a sec, Bro-Bro,” she said, pulling her hand away. “What’re you talkin’ about?”

“What do you mean what am I talking about?” Dipper asked. “I’m talking about the journals. You know, the ones full of all the weird and wacky creatures and magic stuff? The ones that he wrote?”

He gestured over to Ford for support, only to be met with a look of suspicion in response—all while the smile on Bill’s face returned in full force. “Well? Isn’t anyone going to answer him?”

The Dipper blinked in disbelief, the grip on his hat tightening as he looked over to where Stan and the other Dipper stood. “Come on, back me up here—”

In response, Stan moved to place a protective hand in front of his Dipper. “Think you might’ve just given us the answer we were lookin’ for, pal.”

“What are you TALKING about?” the other Dipper asked, tone rising in anger. “Is this some kind of elaborate joke, or do none of you seriously remember the journals?!”

“Oh, they remember,” Bill chimed in with a smirk as he glanced at his nails. “It’s just that they’re no longer an option for any sort of help.”

The smile twitched wider—revealing most of his teeth—as he pressed the hand to his chest. “Since yours truly set them all on fire last year~! Hahaha!”

“And when they did return to normal,” Mabel added with a suspicious glare at the other Dipper. “Grunkle Ford tossed them down into the Bottomless Pit!”

“They did what?! He did what?!”

Bill’s smile vanished in an instant as his gaze whipped back to Ford. “You did what?! Yeesh, Sixer, way to break your toys so no one else could use ‘em.”

“The point being made here,” Stan spoke up. “Is that the real Dipper would’ve known that by now.”

“And he does!” the Dipper near him chimed in. “He very much does!”

“Yeah, so give it up, you faker!”

Fists raised, Mabel took a step back towards the rest of her family as they all stared at the newly-dubbed fake Dipper with suspicious realization. The fake Dipper who was twisting the hat in his hand with a vice-like grip and blinking an unusually rapid rate.

But rather than blink the usual way, his eyelids appeared to open and close sideways, similar to some kind of reptile or insect.

In fact, a lot of the faux-Dipper’s mannerisms had grown a lot more insect-like now that he was under suspicion. His arms and legs twitched with jerky spasms, ones that grew too sporadic for him to keep hold of the hat, and it tumbled to the forest floor. 

And not even the dirt and grime that had stained it in the earlier collision could mask the familiar pine tree symbol on the front of the hat. 

A telltale sign that the group had correctly identified the imposter. 

An imposter who’s body suddenly began to morph and shift into a large bug creature—its tendrils waving about widely as it let out a violent, animalistic roar that shook the forest around the Pines. “What the heck is that?!” Stan asked, hands slapped to his ears.

“Shapeshifter.”

Ford’s gun had moved from Bill to the massive being without a second thought, as it slammed one of its front appendage to the forest ground with a menacing thud. “Well, if this isn’t a pleasant reunion,” he spat at them with clear disdain, gaze landing on the adults. “Old Six-Fingers returns after thirty years—”

A quick morph and he now resembled Ford.

“—and a second, just like him!”

Another, this time with Stanley’s appearance as the end result.

“And who could forget the kids~?”

Dipper, then Mabel—before he turned his gaze on Bill, still clutched tightly in Ford’s hand. “And the detested one with the big mouth, of course! Ooh, this one’s new.”

A final morph and the group found themselves face-to-face with a short, blonde boy. Despite every instinct telling him to kick Ford in the ribs and book it while he was distracted, Bill found himself momentarily stunned as he continued to stare as the shapeshifted being before him. 

By process of elimination, he was now staring down at the spitting image of his vessel’s appearance.

As initially speculated, the resemblances to Dipper were clear as day—with the hair color and eyes being the main differing factor. But outside of that, it was like he had jumped back about a year—poking and prodding at his new flesh-puppet’s face while he stared into the mirror of the Mystery Shack’s attic while the kid’s spirit watched on in horror.

Overall, highly unimpressive and disappointing. Just the face and body of some twelve-year-old brat.

A final morph and the shapeshifter transformed into a horrific conglomeration of all five of them, one that proceeded to launch itself at Ford for an attack. Unprepared, Ford stumbled back as he raised his gun to fire off a defensive shot to the shoulder—

—only to release his grip on Bill’s jacket in the process, sending him tumbling to the ground.

Despite his appreciation for the incomprehensible horror before him, Bill knew a distraction to take advantage of when he saw it, and that it was definitely time to book it outta there! Which is exactly what he did; scrambling to his feet and taking off like a shot into the woods. An escape attempt that went unmissed by Mabel, who had quickly moved off to the side of the fight with the rest of her family. “Bill’s getting away!”

“Not for long,” Stan said. “You kids go after ‘em, I’ll stay here and help Ford with this oversized caterpillar!”

Despite the attack, Ford managed to get a few bullets on Shifty, causing him to retreat backwards for a moment. “What—no, nobody go after Bill!” he ordered, moments before Shifty leapt at him again. “I’ve just got to—”

Seconds before Shifty could make contact, Stan’s fist collided with the side of his face and sent him crashing against the nearest tree. “Go after Bill!” he repeated to the kids. “I doubt I need to tell you not to let him get away!”

“Stanley, I just said—”

“Yeah, and I said what I said!” Stanley countered. “You’ve got the gun, and that’s gonna be needed to take this bastard down. I stay to help you here, and the kids get Bill.”

“We’re on it, Grunkle Stan,” Dipper said, with a gesture to his sister to follow. “Come on, they can handle the shapeshifter on their own!”

“Right!” Mabel agreed. “Don’t worry, Grunkle Ford, we’ll get Bill!”

Before Ford could protest further, the younger twins took off running in the same direction as Bill, leaving the adults to grapple with a furious shapeshifter. One who was quickly shifting between several different forms in an attempt to gain the upper hand.

Eventually he settled on the form of a vicious mole-creature before launching his entire body at Stan, earning himself a brass-knuckled punch to the jaw. “Come on, Ford,” Stan said, fists still clenched as he jumped back in time to avoid a swipe from the being’s claws. “I know I ain’t exactly the best at puttin' that three-sided jerk under by twice as many feet, but you can’t tell me you don’t at least trust the kids to get the job done right.”

Despite Ford’s attention being mostly fixed on unloading a round of shots into Shifty’s body, he managed to cast Stan a look of genuine confusion. “Stanley, what are you talking about?”

“You know what I’m talkin’ about!” Stan protested, taking a fighting stance as Shifty decided to crawl up a nearby tree for an aerial advantage. “That’s why you didn’t want me helpin’ you out today, right? Because you think I’m gonna screw it up like I did last time—”

Stan was cut off as Shifty lunged for him in the form of some giant, wolflike creature, and the two of them disappeared into the dark underbrush of the forest.

“Stanley!”

Ford was hurrying after them without a thought; darting his gaze around for even the tiniest sign of movement against the darkened woods.

Any sign at all—any sign that Stanley was okay—

And suddenly he popped into view again, clearly in some kind of physical battle against whatever was on the other side of the tree that obscured Ford’s line of sight, until it finally ventured out into view to reveal—

—another Stanley.

Oh, no.

— — — — — — —

Despite his exhaustion from once again having to run with legs clearly not built for the task, the temptation to direct mockery at the footsteps behind him was simply too tantalizing for Bill to resist.

And if the sound of footsteps wasn’t enough, a quick look over his shoulder that confirmed Dipper was hot on his trail only set him further in his decision. “What’s wrong, Pine Tree~?” he called with delight. “Can’t run with those short little leg—ACK!”

His smack talk and removal of attention from the path ahead proved to be immediately karmatic—for it was only a second later that his foot snagged on a tree root and he was sent tumbling forward to the ground. 

And as he attempted to pull himself to his feet again, a sudden kick to the ribs—one accompanied by a yelp that trailed beyond him and onwards ahead—brought him back down in an instant, face bouncing hard off a nearby boulder.

Despite the pain quickly spreading through his ribcage and lip, Bill forced himself back to his feet just in time to see Dipper slow to a stop just a short distance ahead of him—fists raised as he took on a defensive stance. “Apparently my short legs can still run better than yours.”

At a glance, his pose and smart comeback might’ve implied a sense of control. But the slight wobbling in his legs, uneven footsteps in the dirt, and earlier yelp implied that the kick he had delivered to Bill’s side might’ve been more accidental as opposed to deliberate.

Heh, Pine Tree had absolutely tripped over him when he’d fallen and was trying to play it off like he had the upper hand in this situation. How precious.

The taste of metal brought a hand to Bill’s mouth, crimson staining his pale skin as he scrubbed away the blood. Looks like even with Birdbrain’s little respawn abilities, his body could still bleed.

Even with that kind of power, there were still weaknesses to be found.

His grin returned as he wiped his hand clean on his pant leg. No matter how tough Pine Tree tried to pretend he was now, he was still the weak, pathetic, anxiety-riddled twerp he had always been. All Bill had to do was find the right ways to make him bleed.

Another thoughtful glance down at his hand as the grin twitched with malice. Well, if it had worked on Ford—

“You think you’re soooo tough, don’tcha, Pine Tree?” he jeered. “But now you’re stuck out in the middle of the woods with me~! And you can act as tough as you want, but I know how terrified you really are of me.”

He winked at Dipper with wicked delight. “And I think we both know why, don’t we?” 

Despite his attempt to keep his stance firm, even Dipper couldn’t hide the way his shoulders tensed at that question. A motion that brightened both smile and wickedness further as Bill cupped his chin in one hand. “Nostalgic, isn’t it? Staring directly into your own face and body while someone else is at the wheel?”

Ooh, if that didn’t completely wipe the mask away from Dipper’s expression and display his fear in full force! “Y-you don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“Oh, come on, kid, I think we both know I do,” Bill taunted, pressing a finger to his cheek. “What, you really thought I didn’t know what was happening here? Thought I just picked this body without knowing full well what I looked like—”

THUNK.

Bill’s mockery was swiftly cut off by something hard smacking firmly against his forehead, and he slapped a hand to the spot with an offended look. “Did you just throw something at me?!”

From where he stood, Dipper tossed another rock up and down in his hand with a proud grin. “Huh, guess even a nightmare demon’s not immune to monologuing long enough for someone to chuck a rock at his head.”

With a furious shout, Bill launched himself at Dipper to try and knock him down. An attempt that seemed to work, with Dipper collapsing to the ground beneath their combined weight and the rock he’d been juggling rolling just out of reach.

With the weight of his body keeping Dipper pinned, Bill quickly fumbled at the nearby ground for his own rock and raised it over Dipper’s head with a manic little giggle. Heh, looks like he’d get a chance to spill some blood outside of his own tonight~!

And just so Pine Tree knew his intent—“Well if I’m not immune to getting my pasty human brains splattered everywhere, then I know for a fact that you’re not immune to it either!”

He reared his arm back to give himself more force, but the attempted impact was thwarted by Dipper’s hand gripping his wrist in defense. Tightly and successfully gripping his wrist, for Dipper apparently possessed enough strength to keep Bill’s arm locked in place. 

Weird, Bill could so clearly remember Pine Tree’s body being too weak to race around a stage for more than a few minutes last year. Where the heck was all this new muscle coming from? “I mean, it’s not my go-to method for getting rid of you,” he continued, voice strained as he fought against Dipper’s grasp. “Would’ve preferred a more creative approach, like flinging you off the nearest water tower—”

“Get off of me!” Dipper protested with an attempt to wriggle himself free.

“But hey, when in Rome: bash a kid’s skull in with the nearest heavy object!”

Despite Dipper’s admittedly-successful attempts to keep him at bay, Bill fought just as hard in return to overpower him. To overpower him, to bring the rock clutched so tightly in his hand that his palm was beginning to hurt down on his stupid, pathetic face, to force him to stare directly into his own twisted reflection as it delivered painful blow after painful blow, until the light slowly but inevitably faded from his eyes for good—

“Hey, Bill!”

Before Bill had time to process another voice behind him, a ropelike object was thrown over his head and pulled taut around his throat—his focus snapping away from Dipper long enough for the other boy to knock him off and send the rock scattering out of his reach.

Luckily for Bill, his assailant released the grip on whatever they had used to try and strangle him once Dipper had tossed him aside. And he was quick to his hands and knees again, one pressed against his throat as he cast an irritated look towards whoever had thwarted his little murder attempt. Although he had a pretty good idea of who the culprit was, even before his functioning eye landed on her ridiculous popcorn sweater.

Sure enough, Mabel now stood several feet away from them, a braided rope of streamers in one hand and a fierce expression on her face. “I’ve got something I’ve wanted to say to you all day—”

“Did you seriously just try to choke me out?” Bill asked, rubbing the sore spot with a wince. “Yeesh, Shooting Star, I gotta stop underestimating your bloodlust.”

“Wh—” Mabel started, confident demeanor faltering for a second. “I mean, yes, I did, but—”

“Guess I’ve also gotta stop underestimating your creativity, too,” Bill continued. “I mean, choking a guy out with streamers? Not a bad play, I’ve gotta admit. A lot more creative than Pine Tree just throwing a rock at me.”

“Hey, I’m trying to say something here!” Mabel said, stomping her foot with an indignant pout.

“Yeah, well, I was trying to bash your brother’s head in with a rock,” Bill pointed out in return. “So I guess none of us are getting what we want, are we?”

“I wouldn’t say that.”

Before Bill had time to respond, a pair of arms had wrapped themselves around his legs and yanked backwards, bringing him back down to the forest floor with a hard thud. “I think I’m getting what I want pretty easily!”

While Dipper let out a delighted laugh at his success, Mabel hurried to join them with a proud fist in the air. “Nice one, Bro-Bro!” she cheered. “Can’t believe that actually worked with him, too!”

“Haha, I know, right?!” Dipper agreed excitedly, the lower half of Bill’s legs still clutched tightly in his embrace. “Sorry to interrupt what you were trying to do there—I saw what it was, I just couldn’t resist.”

“No, no, you’re fine,” Mabel insisted. “I wasn’t entirely sure if it was the right time or not anyway, so not a huge deal.”

She scowled down at Bill. “Plus he interrupted me first, so the moment was ruined anyway!”

From the ground—face once again smushed into the messy soil—Bill was seething. At this rate, he was going to have to slot ‘being knocked to the ground and forced to consume a mouthful of dirt’ near the top of the list of the most annoying things he’d been forced to endure across the past day. Maybe right above ‘falling to the ground while tied to a chair’ and just beneath ‘people giving him headaches, under several definitions of the word’, given Dipper’s stupid little rock stunt.

As he moved to press a hand to his forehead again in bitter pain, his eye landed on the speck still barely peeking out from beneath his sleeve—the thought to ask Tangy for help bubbling to the front of his mind. 

No, he knew the answer to that before he even considered it further. Even without their little cooldown remark in mind, Bill was beginning to question just how resourceful they actually were when it came to helping him out. Sure, he’d had more than his fair share of moments where he unfortunately had to give them credit for thinking ahead, but there were just as many moments where they had conveniently forgotten to tell him something important about their little game.

As for the game itself, Bill was also beginning to question if Birdbrain’s special prize truly was worth all this trouble. Was the destruction of the town barrier really worth racing around in some fleshy little bone suit, being constantly hunted down by Ford and his stupid family? Was it really worth all the secrets on Birdbrain’s end, all the rules they conveniently forgot to tell him ahead of time?

Yeesh, at this rate he was better off finding a way to just torture the information out of Ford again. Sure, that’d be more difficult the second time around, but at least he wouldn’t be caught up in some wild goose chase. 

Yes, he’d already used that bird pun before, but it was also the most accurate one for his situation! Not only was he practically being chased from one side of the valley to another by Ford’s stupid family, but he was so busy trying to escape from his stupid captors in general that he had no idea where to start looking for any pieces of Tangy’s stupid charm—

A cawing sound overhead pulled Bill’s gaze upwards, and he narrowed his eyes at a crow that had settled in the tree above him and the kids. Great, just what he needed—another annoying bird.

His irritation earned him another caw before the crow shifted to preen itself, the shifting of its wings revealing something shiny and golden clutched in one of its talons.

Bill’s eyes widened, all previous gripes about the game momentarily forgotten as he squinted closer to try and get a better look. Could that really be the first piece of Birdbrain’s stupid puzzle? It was a longshot for sure; for all he knew, the crow had just snatched some random person’s jewelry. Completely-unrelated-to-the-other-annoying-bird’s-game jewelry.

“—should probably tie him up, huh? Think those streamers of yours will work as a rope?”

“Psh, you know they will! Remember what I told you earlier about using them to scale a tree?”

“Oh, yeah, you did do that, didn’t you? Speaking of which, actually—why didn’t you just use your grappling hook?”

“I haven’t unpacked it yet, and the streamer thing was way cooler anyway!”

Shoot, the brats were starting to wrap up their conversation. Heck with it—even if it wasn’t a part of Tangy’s charm, Bill wasn’t going to be able to find any actual pieces if he ended up restrained again. He needed to get away from them as quickly as possible.

Before Mabel could approach him with her streamers in hand, Bill reared back his left leg and kicked as hard as he could—his efforts rewarding him with a painful yelp on Dipper’s end and the grip around his legs being released. Taking quick advantage of his freedom, he scrambled back to his feet and dashed off once again.

Rather than immediately follow after him, Mabel was at Dipper’s side in an instant to examine his face. “Dipper, are you okay?”

“Fine, fine,” he insisted, pressing a hand to his sore nose. “Nothing broken, just surprised me more than anything. …Honestly, I think Waddles might’ve had more of a powerful kick than he does.”

A pause. “Not sure what that says about my kicking abilities from last year, though…”

“Let’s keep chasing after him, then,” Mabel said, gripping her streamers tight. “I’m gonna call that triangle a dumbass to his face at the right possible time if it kills me!”

Before Dipper could reply, she took off like a shot into the night—leaving her brother standing alone in the darkness. And with a sigh and shrug, he hurried after her with a: “At least stay close enough to where you can hear me, we already had to deal with one shapeshifting fake-out tonight!”

“Who’s fault is that?” she called back to him.

“...Not mine? I wasn’t even there when he got out!”

— — — — — — —

“Ford, shoot him!”

“I refuse to partake in this nerdy clone trope, just shoot both of us if you’ve really gotta do it!”

The hand around Ford’s gun trembled as he watched the two Stans before him struggle to gain the upper hand over each other. After spending several years raising a shapeshifter and watching him transform into other beings during his research, one would’ve thought that he had picked up the ability to tell Shifty apart from the original being he was imitating.

And yet, here he was. Forced once again to aim a gun at his own brother, while he struggled desperately to distinguish him from an imposter.

“After all, you are the expert in destroying those who are just trying to help you, aren’t you~?”

His grip on the gun tightened as Bill’s earlier words from the bunker flooded his thoughts. He shouldn’t have let Bill get under his skin, shouldn’t have let his temper flare up to the point where he made such an amateur mistake as not double-checking the storage room before he left. He should’ve stayed behind and make sure Shifty and the others that had been locked in the cryogenic chambers were taken care of first and foremost—

“Come on, Sixer! Just—take a page outta the triangle's book and shoot us in the foot or whatever! I can walk it off, you know that!”

“He does not know that! What he does know is that I ain’t as young as I used to be, and there’s no way I’m getting anything done with a busted-up foot!”

“Watch it, pal, I ain’t that outta shape—ack, was that cracking sound your back or mine?”

“Think it mighta been both of them, actually.”

The sound of the Stans’ protests snapped Ford out of his thoughts. “I’m not—I don’t want to shoot you, Stanley!” he insisted aloud, barrel of the gun shifting between them. “Regardless of body part!”

“Aw, come on!” one of the Stans argued. “You really think I can’t handle one measly bullet to the foot? ‘Sides, the sooner you take care of this, the sooner you can get back to chasin’ after Bill, right?”

Bill…

That’s right, Stan had been saying something about Bill before Shifty had attacked him. Something about screwing up like he had done last time?

If Shifty had no way of knowing about Dipper’s change in style or the fate of the journals, there was no way he would know what the real Stan had meant by that. And if Ford could get the real Stan to explain that further—

“What did you mean a few minutes ago?” he asked aloud. “About me thinking that you were going to screw it up like last time?”

One Stan gave him a confused glare as he succeeded in pinning the other to the ground. “Wh—seriously, Ford?! I’d rather just take the bullet in my foot!”

“Yeah, at this point I might actually prefer the bullet too,” the other added.

“I am not shooting you. Answer the question.”

A grunt as the Stan on the ground managed to swing a fist into the jaw of the other, causing him to lose focus long enough for the first Stan to slam him against the nearest tree. “Look, it’s not a big deal, okay?” the tree-pinned Stan called out with a struggle, the other’s arm pressed against his neck. “We both know the little triangle demon was supposed to burn up in my head, and that didn’t pan out like we wanted. I screwed up like I always do and now you feel like you’ve gotta handle all this Bill stuff by yourself again.”

He swung a fist into the other’s gut and it was the other Stan’s turn to stumble back while the first returned to a fighting stance. “And I don’t blame you for not wantin’ my help this time around, alright? After all the other times I’ve ruined your life in the past, I wouldn’t want my help again either.”

He barely managed to dodge as the other lunged at him. “But you can’t just keep dealin’ with him all by yourself, either! I know just how badly that little jerk messed with your head, even if you don’t ever talk to me about it! So even if I’m still the world’s biggest screwup, lemme at least help you by doin’ the one thing I’m actually good at—takin’ a hit for you!”

Both expression and posture sank, the fight momentarily forgotten. “And yeah, yeah, I know I’m not actually all that good at it. But I’m pretty sure even I can’t screw up gettin’ shot by an actual bullet—”

BANG!

Stan was knocked to the ground by a swing of the other’s fist, an inhuman howl escaping the attacker as if he’d been the one to be injured instead. And after a painful grunt from the impact, Stan quickly realized that had been the case when his eyes landed on the doppelganger’s shoulder—blood now gushing from a wound the exact size and shape of a bullet.

Stan’s gaze traveled further over to where Ford stood, landing on the faint whisps of smoke trickling out of the still-raised gun barrel. “Give it up, Shifty! You’ve been found out.”

The other Stan let out another roar of pain before his body morphed and shifted back into his usual form, blood from the wound splattering across the forest floor as he scuttled backwards from Ford. “You think you’re so tough, don’t you?” he spat at Ford, tone laced with metaphorical—and potentially literal—venom. “Think you can just come crawling back after thirty years and keep ordering me around?”

“Yeesh,” Stan said, backing up on his hands towards Ford. “Remind me who this ugly mug is again?”

“Like I said before, he’s a shapeshifter,” Ford explained, keeping his gun aimed forward. “I hatched him from an egg, back when Fiddleford and I were doing our research. When he got bigger, he started seeking out—let’s call them questionable ways to get ahold my journals so he could learn more dangerous forms to imitate. Eventually it got so bad that I was forced to seal him away in one of the cryogenic chambers.”

“You thought you sealed me away,” Shifty corrected. “I spent countless years wandering around that wretched bunker, desperately trying to claw my way to freedom. Until those brats of yours sealed me back into one of the chambers during one of their little escapades.”

His mouth curled into a snarl. “But not even they could stop me from finally escaping that wretched hole in the ground. They couldn’t stop me, you couldn’t stop me—and you are NOT taking me back!”

A swing of his fist shook a nearby tree, scattering a flock of nearby birds into flight. And with another roar of anger, Shifty’s body shrank to their size and took flight—soaring up and through the tops of the tall pine trees that made up the forest and vanishing out of sight and reach.

With a sigh both full of relief that the fight was over and full of weight at what was to come of Shifty’s escape in the future, Ford shakily turned to help his brother up from the ground. “You alright?”

Stan groaned, his joints cracking several times as Ford pulled him to his feet. “You’re askin’ the guy who took down an army of mutant crabs off the coast of Jamaica if he’s alright after dealin’ with some overgrown grub? Or—what’d I call him earlier? A caterpillar? Whatever, a giant bug’s a giant bug.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

Stan’s expression fell as they stared at each other in tense silence for a moment—

—before a synchronized shout of “The kids!” hurried them off in the same direction that the younger twins had taken off after Bill.

— — — — — — —

“Stop running!”

“Once again, Shooting Star, do you really think asking politely is going to get me to do anything?”

“I’m optimistic!”

A blur of pink went sailing past his left side, the streamer unfurling as it whizzed past and tangling itself in a nearby bush. Guess she’d resorted to throwing her remaining streamers at him in an attempt to stop him from running.

Welp, at least it wasn’t a rock this time. Maybe Pine Tree had been spooked enough by his earlier stunt to not reconsider the idea. Or maybe they just couldn’t grab any while racing after him.

Either way, Bill kept running—much like he’d been doing throughout the past day. Running despite the annoying pain in his stupid, flesh legs and annoying burning in his stupid, flesh lungs, and annoying footsteps of the stupid, flesh pursuiters behind him.

He heard another caw overhead, pupil shifting upwards in time to see the crow from before soaring straight ahead, the unknown item from before still clutched firmly in its left talons. From where he stood—or ran—it was still too difficult to tell whether or not it truly was a piece of Birdbrain’s puzzle. But when the bird veered hard to the right, Bill was quick to follow regardless—letting out a small cackle at the sound of frantic skidding and leaves crunching behind him. 

Haha, sounds like the brats need to give their breaks a fresh can of oil!

A zinger he probably would’ve said out loud, if his attention wasn’t sorely fixed on the path and bird ahead. Hey, whether or not the bird was carrying one of Tangy’s charm pieces was still a win-win on Bill’s end if he caught up to it.

If it was a charm piece, he was that much closer to winning their game. His earlier thoughts about giving up on the game entirely were irrelevant—he could always change his mind again once the piece was actually in his hand.

If it turned out to just be some random piece of jewelry—well, that just meant he’d get a random piece of golden jewelry out of the ordeal! One he desperately needed as a way of accessorizing the incredibly generic suit that Birdbrain had stuck him in; seriously, what was with their sudden interest in not picking the tackiest, gaudiest outfit this side of the Multiverse?

And if it turned out to be fake gold? Well, looks like he’d get that chance to bash someone’s brains in with a rock, after all. Or rather, something in the form of the little birdie who’d put him through this chase in the first place.

Man, he was really on his head-bashing-based torments tonight. He blamed Ford’s little stunt down in the bunker—it just wasn’t fair if his brains were the only ones that got to be used as decorative wallpaper.

The bird soared onwards through the wood, towards a series of bright lights that began to poke through the gaps in the trees—ones that came with the addition of faint music and joyful chattering. Almost as if he were approaching some kind of massive gathering or—

Oh, right.

Sure enough, when Bill slowed to a stop between a pair of birch trees, he was greeted by the sight of the Mystery Shack—with hundreds of partygoers crowding the property on all sides. 

So the knuckleheads had gone through with having their party after all, huh? And not too shabby a job, by the looks of things. Pretty nice turnout, building itself covered top-to-bottom in an excessive number of decorations. Heck, Bill was almost impressed. Almost. He definitely could’ve done a better job if they’d put him in charge of things.

More cawing overhead reminded him of his mission, and he looked up in time to see the bird exiting the forest and circling above the crowd for a bit, before finally settling for one of the letters on the busted roof sign.

He let out a low chuckle. Looks like Bill Cipher was finally slipping back into Lady Luck’s favor tonight~! Not only would it be easy enough to climb up to the roof, but the large crowd meant shaking his pursuers would be as easy as taking candy from a baby.

“Bill!”

Speaking of which—

With a smug grin cast behind him—and fond remembrance of a time where he’d stolen a lollipop from Paci-Fire—Bill took off into the crowd just as the kids finally caught up to his hiding spot.

“He’s getting away,” Mabel said, making a motion to continue after him—

—before a hand on the back of her sweater stopped her in place. “Hold on a sec,” Dipper said. “If we just go charging after him in front of all those people, someone might catch onto what we’re doing and start freaking out. Remember what Grunkle Ford yesterday?”

“Oh, yeah,” Mabel said thoughtfully. “It’d be pretty hard to explain the whole ‘Two Dippers’ thing to people without revealing that one of them’s actually Bill.”

She tapped her chin. “I guess we could always try passing him off as our long-lost cousin or something, but eugh—” A shudder. “Even just pretending that he’s related to us makes my skin all creepy-crawly.” 

“Ditto.” 

Dipper peered out to the crowd again with silent contemplation as he searched for any sign of Bill among the partygoers. Lazy Susan was holding a conversation with a random barf fairy—a conversation that ended as stomach-churning as expected and Dipper quickly forced his attention away with a look of disgust. A group of non-barfing fairies all gathered around the punchbowl while Pacifica’s parents conversed with them—Dipper’s gaze lingering on Pacifica herself for a second too long before he tore it away with pursed lips. All the Manotaurs were still gathered around the Meat Table and still just as loudly passionate about their food of choice—

“Kids!”

The sound of someone else’s voice behind them drew both Dipper and Mabel’s attention from the party and back to the forest behind them—just in time to see both Stan and Ford emerging from the darkness. “Are you two alright?” Ford asked as they slowed to a stop.

“Are you?” Dipper asked in return. “That was a pretty quick fight…”

“Come to think of it,” Mabel added, peering closely at them. “Are you sure you two are actually you?”

“Yeah, no, we’re not doin’ that again,” Stan said, before pointing between himself and Ford. “I’m me, he’s Ford, and what’s-his-face-when-it’s-not-his-face turned into a bird and flew off after Ford shot him in the leg. If you don’t believe me, I can just rattle off all the different joint pains I’ve gotten from running around the woods all night.” 

With a wince, he gingerly tapped his left foot against the ground. “Think I might’ve regrown a couple’a old bunions in the process too if you really need hard proof—”

Mabel winced in disgust. “Eugh.”

“That’s what I thought,” Stan said, flicking a thumb at himself. “There’s not a shapeshifter alive that can truly replicate a guy like me.”

"Definitely Stan,” Dipper said.

“No doubt,” Mabel agreed, before casting a suspicious look to Ford. “Although…”

“Stan and I have been together since the fight ended, and we can discuss shapeshifter-proof codewords at a later time,” Ford said, his grip on the gun tightening as he peered out at the party. “Where’s Bill?”

“Oh yeah, that’s him alright,” Mabel said with certainty.

“We chased him all the way here, but lost him when he took off into the crowd,” Dipper explained. “Only reason we haven’t followed after him was because we didn’t want to start a panic with the whole—”

He gestured to himself, then proceeded to form a triangle with his fingers. “—thing.”

“I appreciate you kids taking my initial concerns into account,” Ford said. “With a crowd as big as this, there’s a chance he could start yelling or attracting the attention of any nearby onlookers if we found him.”

He pressed a hand to his head in exasperation. “Although, I guess that’s not all we’d have to worry about now, is it?”

His words trailed off, the rest of his explanation lingering in an uncomfortable half-silence that was only broken by the sounds of the nearby party. “So, uh—” Stan began awkwardly. “Wasn’t gonna give the little jerk the satisfaction of knowing that he actually got me curious about it, but I’m gonna guess your bunker plan didn’t go so well?”

“Yeah, I was wondering about it too,” Dipper admitted. “What happened down there? Why were you two chasing Bill through the woods, and having to deal with the shapeshifter? And what did Bill mean by ‘not up for a repeat performance now that you have an audience’—woah, hey, Grunkle Ford, are you okay?”

“I—”

It was only at that moment that Ford processed just how much of his body weight he’d sank against the trunk of the nearest tree, and just how badly his entire form was trembling on legs that were barely keeping him upright—

Nope, there they went as he finally collapsed into a kneeling position, any attention to regain his footing immediately thwarted by matching pairs of hands in his own. “Grunkle Ford, no,” Mabel scolded lightly from one side. “Don’t make yourself stand up again.”

“Yeah, you look like you’re about to pass out,” Dipper added from the other. “Have you…eaten anything today since breakfast?”

Between the younger twins, Stan knelt down with a narrowed glare. “Did you eat breakfast at all?”

“I…” Ford started. “Did you?”

“We’re not talkin’ about me, and that tells me all I need to know,” Stan said, folding his arms. “Gonna guess you probably don’t have some kinda magical refrigerator that restocks itself down in the bunker, either. Or any of those nutrition pills you used to take before you remembered actual food exists?”

“That would be…a fair guess.”

“You didn’t eat ANYTHING while you were down there?” Mabel asked worriedly, reaching into her sweater pockets. “Why didn’t you say so? I’ve got plenty of snacks left—ooh, I haven’t even finished off half the corn dogs in my corn dog pocket!”

She fished out a fully-cooked corndog and held it up with a flourish, causing Dipper to raise an eyebrow. “You have a corndog pocket in that thing?”

“I’ve even got one that doubles as a cooler for soda,” she said, patting the other side of her sweater. “I told you I was set for the day.”

“Alright, alright, forget Bill and the bunker for a sec,” Stan said. “You’re gonna get some food in your body first, Sixer.”

“Stanley—”

“No Stanleys, pal,” Stan insisted. “You’re not gonna get anywhere near catching him again if you keep on going the way you are now.”

Ford stared hard into the face that mirrored his own—just as he had done many times across the past few days. Into the face of the man he had successfully picked out of the earlier fight with his doppelganger, without having to resort to firing a bullet in him.

“Lemme at least help you by doin’ the one thing I’m actually good at—takin’ a hit for you!”

But the main concern there hadn’t actually been piercing out the real Stan, had it? The main concern had been Stan’s insistence on taking a bullet for him at all—and the reasoning behind said insistence in the first place.

Ford could feel his insides twisting with a mess of emotions—guilt, realization, potentially hunger as his focus passed lazily over the corndog in Mabel’s hands. Did Stan truly think that he’d denied his help because he thought he had failed to stop Bill the first time? Stanley—brave, heroic Stanley who had sacrificed so much more than anyone should sacrifice, thought himself a failure? 

It wasn’t as if Bill’s return had been his fault—and even if by some misfortune it had been his fault, Ford could never bring himself to truly blame Stan for that. Out of anyone in the world, Stanley had to know just how important he was—

“I screwed up like I always do and now you feel like you’ve gotta handle all this Bill stuff by yourself again.”

He…had to know that, right?

“After all the other times I’ve ruined your life in the past, I wouldn’t want my help again either.”

“After all, you are the expert in destroying those who are just trying to help you, aren’t you~?”

Bill’s taunting words from the bunker echoed through his mind as his gaze and palms found the forest floor, nails digging sharply into the topsoil. Loathed as he was to give anything Bill said the time of day, they blurred so neatly, so perfectly with Stanley’s own claims that he could feel his insides twisting further from a sensation that he knew for a fact wasn’t from hunger.

Had his own insistence to keep Stanley away for his own safety truly strengthened that negative view of himself? Further pushed him to think that the only way he could possibly be useful was to take another bullet for someone? All this time he had been trying to protect his brother, but had he simply just made things worse—

“Sixer?”

Ford lifted his head again, eyes once again meeting the features that mirrored his own to a near-perfect degree. Meeting them, before immediately falling back to the ground in a dazed lull as he tried to refocus his vision. As much as he hated to admit it—the rest of his family had a point. He truly was running on less than fumes at this point, and Bill had already escaped his clutches several times over as a result. 

Even if he somehow managed to catch him again in his current state, he no longer had his gun as a failsafe option—with or without all the surrounding partygoers—and there was always a chance that Shifty had destroyed the cryogenic tubes in the bunker before his escape to freedom.

Taking all of that into account alongside his ever growing concerns about Stanley—

“You’re right.”

Stan blinked at him in surprise. “Wh—come again?”

“You’re right,” Ford repeated, lifting his head again. “I’m not going to catch Bill if I keep on going the way I am. I need you to take charge of this situation for me.”

“Wh—” Stan started, taking a confusing look around him as if he half-expected Ford to be talking to someone else. “Okay, I know what I said before, but you’ve gotta be delirious from hunger if you’re seriously expectin’ me to take charge of this whole thing.”

“Even if I was, it’s all the more reason to pass this matter into someone else’s hands,” Ford insisted. “And I can’t think of anyone I trust more to take over for me than you.”

His gaze shifted to the younger twins, a worn smile tugging at his lips as he stared at Mabel. “Well, you and the kids, of course. After all, a braided rope is stronger than a singular rope, isn’t it?”

Mabel’s expression lit up as she dug out a roll of streamers with her free hand. “Yeah! Braids solve every problem!”

“Not that I don’t think you should take a break or anything, because I do,” Dipper said, holding up a finger.  “But, uh—are you sure you want us to take over for you, Grunkle Ford? I mean, we don’t even have a plan on how to catch Bill yet.”

“Kid’s got a point, Ford,” Stan added. “Plus I can’t promise it’ll go as smoothly as it would if you were the one leadin’ the charge.”

His expression fell. “Can’t even promise that we’ll be able to catch the little bugger.”

“It can’t turn any worse than how I’ve handled things so far,” Ford pointed out. “Under my lead, I’ve managed to lose hold of him and unleash a shapeshifting monster onto the town.”

He reached a shaky hand towards his brother’s and gave it a tight squeeze. “And…even if you do somehow manage to beat me in that regard, I will never regret turning to you for help in the first place, Stanley.”

Stan’s hand lingered in place for a moment—and Ford could almost feel it squeezing his in return—before he finally retracted it with a gruff laugh. “Hey, come on, Poindexter—what’d I tell you about gettin’ all sappy and makin’ the squirts wanna blow chunks on their first day back?”

While Dipper and Mabel exchanged looks of amusement on the side, Ford simply cast him a weak smile. “You realize that it’s now their second day back, don’t you?”

“Then that just means they’ll blow twice as many chunks!” Stan countered with a low cackle of his own. “And if they’re too busy blowin’ all those chunks, then they’re gonna be too busy to help me with Bill wrangling!”

“We’ll never be too busy for that, Grunkle Stan!” Mabel said delightedly, gripping both corndog-stick and streamer roll alike with a look of determination. “We’re gonna catch him if it’s the last thing we d—oh, uh, wait, we still need to come up with a plan on how to do that first, don't we?”

“We do,” Ford said, pulling himself into a sitting position. “And there’s no time like the present for us to start.”

“Bup, bup, bup—” Stan said with a warning snap of his fingers. “If you’re puttin’ me in charge of this mission, then I’m orderin’ you to leave us in charge of the thinking while you go ahead and get some food in your belly. Mabel, corndog.”

With a serious nod, Mabel held out the corndog towards Ford. “Let me know if you want anything else,” she said, patting the front of her sweater once again. “I’ve got this puppy loaded with just about every snack you can think of! Mom says I save our family a bundle in snacks every time we go to the movies!”

“Just the corndog’s fine for now, Mabel,” Ford assured her, before raising it slowly to his mouth for a bite—

—one that admittedly made his smile falter. “Oh, that’s…an interesting flavor.”

“Yeah, even when we’re saving a bundle, Mom still goes for the generic ones instead of name brand,” Mabel explained.

“Generic or not, you’re gonna eat it anyway,” Stan ordered.

“Never said I wasn’t,” Ford reassured him with another bite.

While the rest of his family conversed, Dipper cast another thoughtful look back out at the party guests. Specifically the Meat Table, where Mayor Tyler was cheering on its inhabitants from beneath one of Manly Dan’s massive arms—seconds before Soos strolled into view with a barrel of freshly-brewed meat.

Dipper stared at Soos for a moment, then back to Mayor Tyler, and finally down at his own hands. Hands he had used to grab Bill’s wrist earlier. Hands he had also used to yank Bill down on his face.

Hands with fingers, ones he slowly touched to his own arm, then face, before finally forming another triangle shape with his fingers—

“Hey, I…might have an idea,” he said aloud. “It’s a super risky one and would go against Ford’s original request to keep Bill’s existence under wraps as much as possible.”

A shrug. “But if we succeed, it shouldn’t incite a panic and we should still be able to recapture Bill without anyone catching onto what we’re doing.”

Stan looked to his brother. “Whaddaya say, Sixer?”

“You’re the one in charge now, Stanley,” Ford reminded him. “It’s your call. But I do have one request at least.”

"Oh, here we go," Stan said with a roll of his eyes.

"Promise me you won't do anything reckless to go and hurt yourself."

And suddenly Stan's eyes were back on Ford again, staring hard into his features as if that were the last thing he’d expected to hear. Rather than comment on it, however, he simply pointed to Dipper. "I mean, pretty sure that's up to the guy with the plan," he pointed out. "Can't go promisin' anything if I don't even know what he's got up his sleeve yet."

"He won't do have to do anything reckless," Dipper assured both of them. "And if anything, the only one who'll get hurt is Bill. Plus it’ll probably be really embarrassing for him, which I think is just an added bonus."

"Then I have no objections," Ford said. "I leave this in your capable hands, Stanley."

More staring followed, almost as if Stan expected him to go back on that claim if he waited long enough. And when Ford simply followed up his words with an encouraging nod, he finally turned to Dipper proper. “Alright, kid, lay it on me. Whatever it is, I’m in!”

“Me too! Me too!” Mabel added excitedly. “I wanna help embarrass Bill!”

“I’m happy you say that,” Dipper said, a smile forming as he looked to his hands again. “Because you two are gonna be playing the most important roles…”

— — — — — — —

Despite her earlier protests, Wendy could only hide out in the boat for so long before the call of the party outside eventually beckoned her to join.

Regardless, she did give pause on the deck to scan the crowd for any sign of the Pines family among them. Any sign of that familiar old hat she had plopped on Dipper’s head the year prior, any random bursts of glitter from Mabel, any heads of grey hair from the Stans—

Her gaze landed on the Meat Table, its inhabitants still devouring the spread before them with their usual amount of gusto and chanting. Currently said chants were aimed towards her father at the far end of the table; an overly-sized drumstick clenched tightly in his raised fist and his other arm draped around—

An annoyed scowl made itself at home on Wendy’s face as she stared at Tyler— his usual trademark of “Get ‘em! Get ‘em!” cheered with more enthusiasm than the entire group of Manotaurs combined—before she forced her attention to the rest of the partygoers. Well, at the very least, she now knew where he was, and knew which side of the party she needed to avoid—

“—yeah, no, he was acting super weird, right?”

“I don’t know if I’d say super weird, but regular weird for sure.”

The sound of voices trailing beside the boat made Wendy peer down over the side, where she was greeted by the sight of Candy and Grenda passing by with cups of punch. “Heya, squirts,” she said, folding her arms and leaning over the railing with a grin. “Enjoying the party?”

Both stopped in their path to look up at her, and Grenda’s expression brightened. “Hey, Wendy!” she greeted, waving her arm so passionately that the punch went flying out of her cup. “Where’ve you been?”

“You missed out on one intense Meat Eating Competition!” Candy added, flexing her own arms in such a way that caused her own punch to also spill out onto the ground. “Womanataur never stood a chance against us!”

“Aww, sick,” Wendy said proudly. “You finally won against her?”

“Oh no, we lost real bad,” Grenda clarified. “...We didn’t specify what kind of chance she stood against us.” 

“Thought we might’ve had a shot against Manly Dan, though,” Candy added. “What with him spending half the time going all googly-eyed over Mayor Tyler, and all.”

Despite her scowl threatening to return, Wendy ignored it in favor of giving the girls an amused wink. “Eh, don’t sweat it too much, you two will get a win one day,” she assured them. “And to answer your question from before, I’ve been up here on the boat. Needed to get away from all the weirdness for a bit.”

“Ugh, don’t I KNOW it?” Grenda agreed with a gruff sigh. “I swear, getting this much of the town together in one spot has to, like…mess with the air or something and make everything even more weird than it already is!”

She placed a hand on her hip. “At least, we’re pretty sure that’s what happened to Dipper.”

Wendy tilted her head curiously. “Dipper? What happened to him exactly?”

“Well, everything was fine when we talked to him earlier,” Candy explained. “He had that usual amount of anxiety and cryptic-ness that only Dipper Pines could provide.”

“You know the amount, you get it,” Grenda added.

“But then when he raced past us over by the punch bowl, he was laughing to himself and talking all strange,” Candy continued, touching her free hand to her head. “Also his hair was blonde, for some reason?

“And he was dressed up in a yellow-and-black tux,” Grenda pointed out with a look of confusion. “Dunno why he picked yellow, though, it’s soooo not his color. Mabel’s the twin with the right complexion for bright colors for SURE!”

“They look much better on her,” Candy agreed, before her eyes lit up. “Ooh, you know what it might’ve been? Maybe it was part of the surprise he was talking about earlier? The one with Dr. Pines and Mabel that he couldn’t say much about?”

“Augh, that would make perfect sense!” Grenda agreed, tossing her hands in the air and spilling the last of her cup’s contents out onto the grass. “That lying jerk, telling us he had no idea what they were up to when he knew all along!”

“Maybe he was respecting the element of surprise,” Candy pointed out.

Wendy’s expression stiffened with a mix of realization and annoyance. A blonde-haired Dipper in a yellow-and-black tux running past them and acting all weird?

…Yeah, so there was a high chance that something had gone wrong over at the bunker. Which probably meant that Bill was now wandering around the party somewhere and the Pines were hauling tail back to the Shack to try and recapture their escaped prisoner.

She glanced out at the crowd again. And if they weren’t here already, they were probably going to need someone to be their eyes in the meantime.

“Aw, who cares about Dipper and his secrets?” she heard Grenda say below. “Come on, Candy, let’s go refill our punch before those old-timey ghosts pull their ‘expired juice’ prank.”

“You know you can say they’re spiking the punch, right? Because they are.”

“Yeah, just still feels kinda weird that I can say that now.”

Wendy caught the girls hurrying back towards the crowd out of the corner of her eye, before she pulled out her cell phone—

—and as if right on cue, a series of text from Dipper popped up on her screen:

[Dr. Fun Times: Sending out a mass text to everyone still at the shack: Bill escaped and is somewhere on the premises.] [Dr. Fun Times: It’s a long story on how he got there, but Mabel, Stan, Ford and I are gathered at the edge of the forest near the shack.]

Another text joined the conversation, this time from Mabel:

[Unicorn Punisher: We’ve got a plan to catch him, but we’re gonna need some help getting eyes on him before we can put it into action!]

[Bossman: So you need us to keep our eyes peeled, in an ironic twist on HIS weird, all-seeing-eye thing that he has going on??] Soos added a few seconds later.

[Dr. Fun Times:  You got it, Soos.]

[Bosswoman: We’re on it, Dipper. Wendy, I see you in the group, are you able to help out?]

Melody’s question prompted Wendy to mash out a quick reply:

[Wendy: Waaaay ahead of you guys on that one. Caught wind from Candy and Grenda that they saw a blonde-haired ‘Dipper’ run past them earlier.]

[Dr. Fun Times: Ugh, GREAT.] [Dr. Fun Times: It’s bad enough he LOOKS like me, now other people are starting to think he’s ACTUALLY me?]

[Unicorn Punisher: I mean, isn’t that important for your plan?]

[Dr. Fun Times: Yeah, but I don’t have to LIKE it.]

[Bosswoman: Like Soos said, we can keep an eye on the crowd for him. Anything else you need?]

[Unicorn Puncher: Uhhh, the Shrink-and-Span! And the Manotaur’s stage!]

[Bosswoman: I can get both from storage, and have guests clear out a space for the stage.] [Bosswoman: I assume you’re going to regrow it to its usual size?] [Bosswoman: Assume with only a fraction of certainty; I’ve quickly learned to expect the unexpected with this town.]

[Unicorn Punisher: No, no, you got it right the first time!!!] [Unicorn Punisher: We’re about to give this party and Bill a surprise they’re NEVER gonna forget!!!]

[Dr. Fun Times: Thanks again for the idea, Soos, it’s really saving our butts!]

[Bossman: You’re welcome, dude!] [Bossman: What idea was that again?]

[Dr. Fun Times: You’ll see soon enough.]

[Bossman: Works for me! Soos Search And Locate Freaky Triangle Dude, go!]

[Bosswoman: I’ll get what you need and be waiting by the gift shop door.]

[Wendy: Keep an eye out for the little jerk performing identity theft, got it.]

With that, she tucked her phone back into her pocket and cast one last look out over the crowd, this time in the hopes of spotting any telltale signs of black and yellow—

—just in time to see a flash of blonde hair dart beneath the very dirty tablecloth on the Meat Table.

Narrowing her eyes, she hopped straight over the boat railing and landed with a hard thud on the ground below. Ugh, great—he had to go and pick the one table she was trying to avoid.

Eh, maybe she’d get lucky and the little creep would so get freaked out by the sound of fists slamming on the table, that he’d book it outta there before she got closer. 

— — — — — — —

The good news for Bill was that it looked like his plan to lose the kids in the crowd had worked.

The only issue with that was the size of the crowd itself.

Yeesh, Question Mark’s little girlfriend hadn’t been kidding when she said they were having a party! Felt like everyone and their six-footed, googly-eyed grandma now crowded the grounds of the Mystery Shack.

BANG! “Meat Table!” BANG! “Meat Table!” BANG! “Meat table!”

Speaking of which…

Bill cast a glare upwards at the table he was crouched beneath, one that shook with every pound of a fist from the Manotaurs crowded around it. Not the quietest hiding spot in the world, but maybe the gang of massive meat fanatics would be enough to keep the Pines family at a distance.

Still, he couldn’t hide here forever. 

He peered out from beneath the meat-stained tablecloth and looked towards the roof of the shack. The bird he’d been tailing before had settled up there, right next to a woodpecker and a couple of Eyebats. A sight that brought a frown to Bill’s face as they scanned the crowd with innocent curiosity, as opposed to their past behavior of turning any moving beings into petrified statues. Somebody must’ve found a way to placate them during his absence, or had a large supply of eyedrops on hand to keep them mellowed out. Traitors, the lot of them!

Eh, at least sneaking up to the roof would be easier without the threat of re-statue-i-fication looming over him in the process.

After a quick look around, Bill darted out from beneath the table and hurried towards the shack’s nearby storm drain—one that was conveniently within reach of the nearby metal awning. And after a quick hope that his stupid noodle arms had at least enough strength left to climb, he grasped it with both hands and began his ascent up the side of the building—

“Hey!”

—his quick ascent as he heard a voice call out behind him. He didn’t bother looking back, just kept his focus on getting to the top before whoever had spotted him could get to him first.

Sure enough, he felt a rush the air pass his foot caused by the sensation of a hand just barely missing its grasp on him as he scrambled up and onto the awning to safety. Once he knew he was properly out of harm’s way, he finally cast a glance down at his attempted assailant—mouth spreading into a wide grin at the sight of flannel and a familiar pine tree hat atop a head of red hair. “Well hey there, Red! Enjoying the party?”

“Save it, pal,” Wendy called up to him, eyes narrowed. “And get your three-sided butt back down here before I climb up there after you. Pretty sure you know I can and will do it, too.”

“Once again, it must be a night where people think asking me to do something I don’t want to do is going to make me comply,” Bill taunted, hands cutely tucked under his chin. “I’d say it’s funny how dumb you all are, but really, it’s just getting redundant now. Come on, gimme something new.”

“Oh, I’ll give you something new—”

She balled up her fists and gave her knuckles a crack, giving Bill the incentive to hop to his feet and scramble further up towards the roof. With a huff, she made a dash for the nearby porch to scramble up the railing and follow after him.

Before she could pull herself up and onto it proper, however—

“There you are, Wendy!”

Her mouth fell into an annoyed scowl as a nearby voice called to her from behind, one that lowered further as she turned around and saw Tyler approaching from the Meat Table. “Been looking all over for you!” he said delightedly. “Great party, isn’t it?”

“Super,” Wendy replied in a deadpan voice while she returned her attention back to the railing. “Can’t talk right now though, Tyler, I’ve got something to deal with. Official Mystery Shack business or whatever—”

“Oh! Well, that’s alright,” he said, cheery tone wavering the slightest amount. “Just wanted to stop and say hello—”

“Wendy!”

The sound of another voice from her right once again gave Wendy pause from her current task, although her expression did brighten at the sight of Stan and Mabel approaching them. “We~ell, if it isn’t Stan and Mabel Pines!” Tyler said with delight. “And here I was starting to think you Pineses were deliberately trying to miss your own welcome back party!”

Mabel pressed a solemn hand to the front of her sweater. “Mayor Tyler, I would never miss a party—welcome back or otherwise—of my own accord! Who do you think I am?”

“My feelings vary by event, but I got a good reason for bein’ so scarce ‘til now,” Stan added, with a look to Wendy. “In fact, that’s why Mabel and I are here. Need to talk to Wendy about the uh—the thing we’ve got planned for tonight.”

“The thing!” Wendy agreed, pointing a finger at them. “Yeah, I know the thing. In fact, I was just on my way up the roof to take care of the thing.”

While she made an obvious motion with her pupils towards the top of the roof, Tyler clapped his hands together in excitement. “Oh~hoh, the thing, you say? That thing wouldn’t happen to be the big, mysterious surprise that’s been keeping most of you Pines away from all the fun this evening, would it?”

“It sure is!” Mabel said, and held up a finger. “And while it’s not finished yet, we should have everything ready to go very soon! So go spread the mayor-ly word to everyone about gathering on the other side of the shack for the big surprise!”

“Just make sure they stay outta the way of the exhibits area,” Stan added. “That’s where we’re gonna be setting up the stage.”

“The stage?” Tyler repeated with delight. “Ooh, this really is gonna be quite the surprise, isn’t it~?”

He gave a whimsical little wave to Wendy. “Sorry for dashing so quickly, Wendy, but duty calls—”

“No need to apologize, just go,” she quickly assured him.

With that, he turned and hurried off with a spring in his step—leaving the three of them to watch him go in silence. A silence that was quickly broken by Wendy with a: “Triangle’s climbing the roof, was about to follow after him when Tyler showed up. Catch him and meet you guys over there for whatever you’re planning?”

“You got it,” Stan confirmed with a nod.

“Good luck, Wendy!” Mabel said with a thumbs up. “See you there!”

With a thumbs up of her own, she pulled herself up onto the railing and finally made a reach for the awning above. Leaving the two of them below as Mabel whipped out her phone again. “Gonna let Dipper and Grunkle Ford know that Wendy’s hot on the target's trail.”

“Of course the little jerk would try scalin’ the roof,” Stan muttered with a roll of his eyes. “Big man’s always gotta be towerin’ over everything, huh? Desperate for everyone else’s eyes to be on him…”

“Hehe, well, he’s gonna have allllll the eyes on him once we’re ready,” Mabel said, casting a cheeky grin up at him. “Isn’t he?”

Stan returned her grin with one of his own. “You know it, Pumpkin! C’mon, let’s go find Melody.”

— — — — — — —

Bill knew it was only a matter of time before Wendy made her way onto the roof after him. If he wanted that piece of Birdbrain’s puzzle, he had to move and move quickly.

And move quickly was exactly what he did—roof tiles slipping down the side as he bounded across them like stones on a river, in a mad dash for the bird that waited atop the brightly-decorated sign.

As he approached, most of the gathered beings took off in a rush—the Eyebats fluttering out of place and into the air and giving Bill pause to shake his fist in their direction. “What the heck are you irised idiots doing, getting all cozy and domestic in some backwoods town?! Go turn a baby into stone or something!”

One of the Eyebats narrowed itself at him, seconds before a burst of energy erupted from its cornea towards him and giving him barely enough time to dodge. “ACK! Not me, not me!”

More tiles shifted as he dodged another attack, but luckily the Eyebat didn’t attempt a third and simply fluttered off after the others into the night. With an exhale of relief, Bill’s gaze moved back towards the bird still situated on the sign—one that had somehow remained despite the chaos around it.

Luck continued to be on his side, for the bird had been far too distracted with pecking at one of the nearby streamers to pay any attention to him. And distracted it remained until Bill grasped a hand around its throat, a strangled caw of surprise escaping the poor bird as he drew it closer with a proud flourish. “Hehe, looks like a bird in the hand really is worth more than just two in the bush!”

Despite the bird’s frantic wriggling in an attempt to free itself, Bill managed to wrestle the piece out of its talons. He did earn himself several scratches to his hand in the process, but if a straight-up bullet to the brain wasn’t enough to kill him, then potentially catching Cryptococcosis was of little concern to him.

And once the mysterious object of gold was clutched safely in his hand, he raised it to the sky to investigate further.

Now that he could get a clear look at it, there was no doubt in his mind that it was one of Birdbrain’s charm pieces. The colors of the surrounding party danced across its golden surface, giving it an otherworldly shine. And on top of that, Bill could feel a familiar, confusing warmth from within the charm piece. An odd, almost alive pulsing that spread from his fingertips to the rest of his body as he gripped it tightly in his hand.

Almost as tightly as he continued to grip the bird's neck, a shark peck from its beak to his arm finally enough pain for him to release it into the night sky.

Whatever, who needed some stupid bird when he’d gotten what he’d scaled the roof for in the first place?

“Cipher!”

Right, he still had one other problem to deal with.

After tucking the piece of the charm into his pocket, he backed up towards the edge of the sign platform just as Wendy pulled herself onto it from the other side. “I’d say I appreciate you giving me a chance to get away from the crowd,” she said. “But catching you after you keep wriggling out of everyone’s grasp is really starting to get old.”

She flashed him a condescending grin. “Come on, jerkface, it’s your turn to gimme something new.”

“Throwing my own words back at me, Red?" he asked with a smug wink. “I’m flattered, but I’ll have you know that unlike the body I resemble—I’m not so easily smitten by a redhead in flannel.”

Wendy gave him a flat look and began to crack her knuckles again. “...Yeah, alright, first of all: I’m going to break your legs. Second of all, I’m going to break your arms.”

“Ah, ah, wait—” Bill started quickly, taking another step backwards. “Don’t forget Fordsy’s little rule of not killing me!”

Hey, if Wendy wasn’t aware of what happened down in the bunker, he wasn’t about to go and spill the beans. Especially if it prevented her from kicking his ass from here to the other side of the valley. Just because it wouldn’t kill him didn’t mean he was interested in dealing with levels of pain that intense. Yet.

“Who said I was going to kill you?” It was her neck’s turn to get cracked. “I said I was gonna break your arms and legs. You can easily survive that, but you’ll probably wish you hadn’t.”

Son of a—

Bill’s foot met air as he tried taking one more step backwards and he went tumbling down the other side of the roof with a yelp, barely managing to grab onto the gutter before he could fall—

—only for the gutter to give way in seconds, sending him the rest of the way down to the waiting ground below with a hard thump.

The impact hurt, but nothing felt broken as Bill pulled himself up with a drawn-out groan and a nasty look towards—

—the dozens and dozens of people around him, all staring him down with looks of curiosity and wonder.

Sure enough, it felt like every party guest’s attention had fully locked onto him as he slowly rose himself to his feet. While he was more familiar with being the one to do the ogling, Bill was no stranger to being ogled at himself. If anything, he relished being treated like some kind of sideshow circus oddity or incomprehensible eldritch horror in his usual triangle form.

Being stared down in this small, pathetic human vessel, however? He was staring to feel like a kid with his hand caught in the cookie jar. The subject of everyone’s attention, but in the most unenjoyable way possible.

Which was, obviously, no fun at all and an issue he neede to rectify immediately.

Alright, Cipher, time to think fast! The majority of the townsfolk had only seen him in his glorious, triangle form—and that same majority probably had no idea about his ability to possess people. He just had to play things cool, get out of sight before the rest of the Pines caught wind of his location—

His left hand subtly shifted to his pocket where the piece of Tangy’s charm lay hidden as a smile threatened his lips. Hmm, counterpoint: he had the first piece of the charm that he needed. If he announced his return, it would potentially incite a panic big enough for him to either sneak off into the night undetected.

Either that or it angered them so much that they took a page out of Ford’s book and tore him to pieces—which would eventually result in him popping back to normal and sneaking off into the night undetected.

Either way, it guaranteed an escape. And much like his original plan back in the woods, at least one of the options came with the added bonus of leaving a few folks with some lifelong trauma! Yay!

“Haha, how’s everyone doing tonight~?” he asked, tossing his arms in the air with gusto. “Havin’ a good time at your little shindig? Little hurt that you didn’t invite me of all people~!”

He pressed a hand to his chest with a wicked grin. “Although I guess any party’s gonna pale in comparison to the one I threw for you suckers last year~!”

A wicked laugh bubbled out of him, resulting in a tidal wave of gasps from the surrounding crowd. Bill’s smile widened as he braced himself for either the sound of frantic screaming, or the sensation of being beaten to death by an angry mob. He wondered what kind of tools or weapons the townsfolk use in this specific instance; he knew the Falls population was often drawn to the usual ‘pitchfork and torch’ approach, but the surrounding party embellishments might allow them to get a bit more creative—

“Aww, isn’t that adorable? Dipper’s gone and dressed himself up in a funny little Bill Cipher costume!”

…Wait, what?

The remark from somewhere in the crowd earned a series of affectionate sounds from the rest of the partygoers, and Bill blinked several times in stunned confusion. “Who’s done what now?”

“Aww, look at his little suit!” Tyler cooed with delight. “Why, this must be the surprise that the Pines family was planning!”

“Oh, that explains the blonde hair and the yellow!” Grenda piped up, pressing a hand to her forehead. “I was wondering, and now I know!”

“Told you so,” Candy added with a grin.

“That’s right, everyone~!”

An arm was slung across his shoulder before Bill had time to react, knees buckling slightly from the impact as he turned to see Mabel standing beside him. “And there’s more to the surprise than just some silly outfit!” she continued with a grin. “While Dipper’s wearing this outfit, him and Grunkle Stan are going to do a recreation of Bill’s defeat—just so everyone here can get a chance to see Bill Cipher getting punched in his stupid, triangle face~!”

…Second verse, same as the first—wait, what?

Actually, no, he was saying that out loud—”Wait, what?!”

“And now it’s your turn to be right, Mabel!”

Bill was suddenly scooped up into the air by a much larger hand, and he turned his head to see Stan standing before the crowd with a familiar, scheming grin on his face. “I mean, the only one who got to see the little bastard get his lights punched out was me, right? Seems only fair that you folks get to see it too, right? …For te—twenty bucks a person, obviously.”

A beat. “Make it thirty…plus ten!”

There was a scattered murmuring of agreement amongst the crowd as Stan stared making his way through them, Bill still clutched tightly in one hand while money was placed in the other. “That’s right, keep it coming.”

As the townsfolk hooted and hollered with delight, Bill cast a glare at their surrounding faces. “Are you nerve-driven flesh mounds really that dense? There’s no way you people are stupid enough to fall for such an obvious lie!”

Despite his insults, the audience still seemed to eat it up as Stan approached the waiting stage at the edge of the property. “Aww, listen to him!” one audience member cheered, hands clasped to their cheeks. “He’s even got the attitude down to a T!”

“Normally, the thought of Bill Cipher’s return would be quite the cause for alarm,” Preston Northwest added. “But when it’s the little Pines boy in a ridiculous costume, well—that’s just downright humorous!”

"Indubitably," Priscilla added with a haughty laugh.

“He’s really keeping in-character!” one of the Manotaurs agreed loudly. “It strengthens the illusion! And strength is GOOD!”

While the rest of the herd slammed their fist on the table with hearty agreement, Bill stared in disbelief. “They’re really that stupid…”

“Don't tell me you're actually surprised by that one,” Stan muttered quietly.

Bill crossed his arms defeatedly across his chest as they headed up the stage’s steps. “No, no you’re right—that’s my fault for expecting any sort of intelligence out of them.” 

Voice still low, he raised an eyebrow at Stan. “So, which one of you Pineses came up with this whole idea? I can’t imagine Fordsy would be too keen about you flaunting me in front of the entire town.”

“Psh, shows how much you know, pal,” Stan replied. “As for who came up with the idea…why don’t you take a look in the mirror?”

Stan gestured subtly towards the curtain at the back of the stage, and Bill cast a look towards a thin crack between them to the sight of Dipper and Ford—the former casting him a smug grin complete with a lewd hand gesture.

“Aww, isn’t he just the cutest in his little tuxedo?” Lazy Susan piped up. “It almost makes me not want to see Stan punch him in the face! ...Almost~!”

“Oh, well, it’s great that you say that, Susan!” Soos said from the middle of the stage, microphone in hand. “‘Cause the entire surprise is ruined if you folks don’t wanna see the hit!”

“Come on, party people!” Mabel added excitedly. “Don’t tell me you wanna miss out on seeing Stan give Bill another black eye!”

This got a bout of enthusiastic cheers from the partygoers and Stan flashed Bill a grin. “Better grit your teeth this time, wise guy.”

“Don’t you da—ACK!”

Bill’s order felt on deaf ears as Stan’s fist collided with his face, the force of the hit sending him through the air, and hitting the hard stage a few feet away.

Naturally, the audience clapped and cheered with delight, as Stan flexed an arm with pride. “That’s right, I still got it~! Now pay up, I know for a fact some of you yahoos are tryin' to stiff me! And while I respect it, I ain’t about to let it slide!”

While the audience tossed their money at Stan with enthusiastic abandon, Bill let out a pained and irritable groan as he pulled himself up with his hands, barely having time to react before someone else grabbed him with a: “Thanks a lot, folks! Hope you enjoyed our little recreation!” and began to pull him through the stage curtain.

With a wince from the pain that was once again swelling around his eye, Bill cast a dirty look up at Ford. “You’d better hope none of those idiots noticed just how real that looked,” he warned. “Might be bad news for dear old Stanley if rumors started going around that he gives his precious great nephew black eyes for profit.”

“It would be,” Dipper piped up from Ford’s side. “If I wasn’t about to do this!”

With that, he hurried out to the other side of the curtain, and the audience roared with applause. “Haha, yeah, thanks so much, everyone! Yeah, that was…that was fun, right? We have fun here.”

“Yeah, give it up for the kid!” Stan added. “Ain’t he talented? …So talented, in fact, that praisin’ him’s gonna cost another ten!”

As the audience continued to cheer from the other side, several more folks—Soos and Mabel to be exact—ducked back behind the stage’s curtain to join Ford. “I think it worked!” Mabel said delightedly.

“That was such a good idea, dudes!” Soos added. “It’s like…we wanted to keep Bill’s return a secret, and now we’re still keepin’ it a secret because they think he’s actually Dipper!”

He made an explosion sound next to his head. “Like, boom: Mind. Blown!”

“Yeah, Dip really outdid himself with this one,” Stan added as both he and Dipper ducked behind to rejoin them. “Thanks for bitin’ the bullet on that one, kid. Probably wasn’t easy to see a guy who looks like you gettin’ socked in the face.”

“No bullets bitten whatsoever,” Dipper said proudly. “It’s not like I’m taking the hit myself.”

“Oh, well—aren’t you so clever for putting this much thought into such a mediocre party trick?” Bill asked bitterly as he dangled in Ford’s grasp. “I wouldn’t expect a call from Daniel Raine anytime soon, though, Pine Tree. Pretty sure even a kindergartener could come up with something like that.”

“You’re just mad because it worked!” Mabel said proudly.

“It probably helped that you went and ran your mouth as much as you did after falling off the roof,” Stan said, smug grin returning as he gave Bill’s arm a nudge. “Heh, still can’t resist the chance to try and be the big man in charge, eh, Cipher?”

Bill could only glare at him with a burning rage that was sure to be turning his face red, as Wendy also joined the group behind the curtain. “Melody’s getting the crowd back into regular party mode,” she explained. “So we’ve probably got at least a few minutes before someone comes poking around the other side of the stage to investigate how you did your little swap act.”

She gave a thumbs up. “By the way, that was awesome!”

“Sounds like got just as much time to get this jerk outta sight as quick as possible, then,” Stan added, and held out a hand. “I’ll go stick him in the Shack until the party’s over—gift shop side should still be cleared out enough if I run and use the woods as a cover. Unless you’re feelin’ up to the task, Sixer?”

“You know, I think I’ve dealt with enough of Bill for tonight,” Ford added. “You take care of him for now, Stanley. Soos, the rope?”

Bill could feel his face getting hotter from a mix of rage and humiliation as he was passed from one twin’s hand to the other, once again with as much ease as passing a small kitten from one hand to another. Only this time around, Bill couldn’t even find it in himself to be as smug as before while Ford retied a rope around his body, once again tightening it with just as much spite as he had possessed earlier in the day. In fact, Bill was finding it a struggle to be truly smug about anything as he was once against clutched like a sack of luggage in Stan’s fist and lead back towards the dark wood that waited just a few feet from the stage—

“Grunkle Stan, wait!”

Stan paused at the sound of Mabel’s voice behind him, and Bill was spun back around to the sight of her hurrying towards them. “I’ve been waiting to say this to Bill all day!”

She held a fist to her mouth to clear her throat, then pointed a finger at him with a fierce expression. “Get pranked, dumbass!”

Behind her, the rest of the group melted into amusement—Dipper nudging her with a laugh while Wendy plapped the top of her head with a proud: “Nice one, Mabel!”

And with a laugh of his own, Stan gave her a thumbs up before turning both of them back to the forest that waited ahead. Leaving Bill to stew in that one last insult to injury as the party raged on behind him.

No doubt in his mind at that point, he definitely would’ve thrown a better one.

[saintvainglorious]

Fics I Enjoyed in January - DC Comics Fic Rec List Part 2

I am still neck-deep in DC fandom this month and the fics have been so so good. Unlike last time, I am too tired to write mini summaries/reviews, so I'm going to feature my favorite quote from each fic instead.

My first DC Comics fic rec list is here!

Floor Plans by @oh-mother-of-darkness (Teen & Up, 1k, 2016) “I really didn’t want to die,” he finished. “I was kind of hoping if I laid here long enough, I would remember what that felt like.”

Losing two brothers in six months takes an emotional toll.

almost right by @bitimdrake (Teen & Up, 3k, 2020) He desperately wishes that he didn’t know what Dick’s cheekbone feels like under a gauntleted fist.

Bruce sucks in a breath, hand raising to fix the cowl. Dick flinches back.

but more with love by @danishsweethearts (Teen & Up, 3k, 2022) Dick wakes up one morning, groggy from a dream that he thinks might’ve been about the circus and also about his favourite car and also about how lonely he is, and realizes that he can’t remember what his mother’s voice sounds like anymore.

O Robin, Robin, wherefore art thou Robin?

The Mechanics of a Hug by @sohotthateveryonedied (General Audiences, 4k, 2017) “You know… that crushing sense of depression? Like,” Dick chews his lip. “It’s. A physical weight. Makes it hard to breathe?” “Yeah,” Tim says, soft. He smiles, wryly. “I sort of hoped you didn’t, though.”

“So,” Tim ventures. “It's… what, a cuddle pollen?” Bruce just shrugs. “Something like that.”

No Pain, All Gain by @sohotthateveryonedied (General Audiences, 1k, 2020) Tim’s eyes go even wider. “You stole my organs?” “Technically,” Jason chimes in, “the doctors stole your organs. We just gave them permission.”

Bruce checks Tim’s IV. “Are you in any pain? Do you need more morphine?” Tim’s pupils are so wide that only the faintest ring of blue can be seen. He watches Bruce the way a five-year-old watches cartoons. “I’m all good, B-dog. All Gucci, like we cool teens say." His words are slurred almost beyond recognition, but Tim doesn’t seem to notice or care. "I could fight Superman right now.”

The Wind Sits in the Shoulder of Your Sail by @birdchildsnest (Teen & Up, 7k, 2020) “Oh my god. Bruce. I can’t even tell if you’re serious. When everybody finally eats the rich—they’re going to eat you first.”

At least, back then, Tim had barely been a teenager. He could almost forgive his own volatility. And he’d been smart enough (scared enough?) not to tell Jack that he didn’t need him. What was his excuse now? Bruce was his dad (at least, in the legal sense), but (surprise, surprise) it turned out that Tim wasn’t any better at being a son. Or Tim and Bruce still have some things to sort through after the adoption.

I Left My Conscience On Your Front Doorstep by @dustorange (Teen & Up, 21k, 2022) He doesn’t want to be loved if being loved is like this.

"I think I'm leaving," Dick whispers. "I think I'm not coming back."

bad boys bad boys (whatcha gonna do) ♫ by @drakefeathers (Teen & Up, 20k, 2014) "They live their lives thinking they can charge through the city with the right to hurt and kill and destroy as many lives as they want. And they do it all without a shred of remorse." “But—” Damian begins, brow furrowed in confusion. “Isn’t that like you?”

a Jason and Damian as Batman and Robin AU!! featuring a bunch of graffiti, a rival dynamic duo, and Cat Jason (a cat named Jason).

The Biggest Mistake by @oh-mother-of-darkness (General Audiences, 1k, 2016) “I could ground him anyway, if it would make you feel better.” “He only said it because I called him ‘a garbage can so ineffective it actually became garbage.’”

"You know what really needs to be addressed? Bruce's truly terrible treatment of Damian." -Me, on a daily basis

been a number and a name by @wynterstars (Teen & Up, 35k, 2023) “Turns out if you just say ‘spacetime’ until people’s eyes glaze over they don’t really question anything you say. Also, somehow nobody expects me to be able to actually do enough math to explain it.”

On a field trip, Robin has a close encounter with the newest super in Metropolis, only to discover the hard way that Superboy secretly works for Lex Luthor. They agree to work together on a plan to free Superboy from Luthor’s hold, but Robin isn’t sure how far he can trust him—and his developing feelings only make things more complicated.

clean it like you mean it by @wynterstars (Teen & Up, 70k, 2024) "Wait, ugh, you're not my dead dad, right? If I'm getting a dying vision of my dead dad I want a do-over because he suuuuucked."

When Gotham's crooks have to scrub down their lairs, who do they call? Jason Todd, Gotham's first and only underworld crime scene cleaning specialist. He's spent his life dodging the Bat, but after a chance encounter he saves Robin's life. Tim Drake finds himself drawn to the conflicted rogue, and soon Jason becomes Robin's street informant. But they can only stay on opposite sides of the law for so long before something breaks.

3:16 by @wufflesvetinari (Teen & Up, 70k (WIP), 2023) “Try to decouple one thing from the other. I’m proud of you, but ice cream isn’t my grand statement about whether you’ve been good or bad today. Good things are good. Happiness is precious. Sometimes you just want caramel chocolate chip.”

The knife pushes thin along Dick’s carotid artery, cupping the indent between neck and jawline—forcing him to angle his chin. The metal is warm, pulled with execution speed from under Damian’s pillow. “Okay,” Dick says quietly, tracking the intricacies of his own heartbeat—counting the space between breaths. “Guess I did need a shave.” (With faltering steps, Dick and Damian become Batman and Robin.)

wolf-king of rome by @mysterycitrus (Not Rated, 25k, 2024) “You go after Joker, but you don’t kill him, because it’s not about the Joker dying, it’s about Bruce breaking his code for you. It’s about Bruce loving you enough to change himself for the worse. It’s about your idea of grieving.”

Jason doesn’t fear Dick Grayson. Fear itself has changed shape for him, since his return from the Pit - it tastes of dirt in his mouth, of drowning, of fire and blood and laughter, more than a tangible face. Still, he’d be stupid not to be cautious. Dick liked playing on an uneven field, and would do anything to keep him off balance, so he just had to stay focused. That’s the nature of the armistice, both waiting for the other to make a move. It’s like balancing on the head of a pin.

Declensions by @dustorange (Teen & Up, 13k, 2018) “Do not tell them your name. Do as I did to survive. I lied. I have always lied. Make one up. Do not let them have you. Say your name is…is…is…Richard Grayson. Or something. They are going to steal you; do not give them anything to steal.”

“My father,” Dick says, “worked the rope. It cut him. His hands were never clean.”

Passiontide by @bigdvmnhero (Teen & Up, 5k, 2025) Despite its faults, the day had tried to be good. He felt young, like someone's son.

On the 96th day Bruce didn't call, Dick remembered their old game. Three things he knew: 1) In three months, it would be Dick's death anniversary; 2) Bruce was still missing his check-ins; 3) Here Dick was, persisting. Imagine the things I'd survive, Dick thought distantly, if I loved Bruce less. Or: Agent 37 and his various crises of faith, on Day 277 at Spyral, Day 150, and Day -0.

the time you won your town the race by @silverwhittlingknife (Teen & Up, 4k (WIP), 2022) Tim. Tim is Dick’s. Death sharpens, clarifies these things. Who will receive the body, decide on the funeral, receive condolences, make all the decisions that matter. No one has questioned it, not even Tim’s friends. There’s a terrible clarity about death. If Dick said, let’s burn everything he owned, Alfred would do it.

He doesn’t know exactly what Tim would say. But he knows what Tim would do. Tim dies. Dick doesn’t take death for an answer. A Red Robin 12 AU.

door, opening by @cowboysorceror (Mature, 70k (WIP), 2024) Dick, with the keys to every locked door Jason has ever tried to open, tucked inside the cradle of his skull; all of that, snuffed out like a candle.

It’s barely audible, but he knows what he heard. A short, four-note whistle, chirping down – E, C#, then jumping up to A, F#, a little trill on the finish. He waits a moment, head turned slightly towards the dim shapes of storage containers between him and the ramp, eyes straining against the blackness. Long, stretching seconds. There it is again. His gloved hand, prickling with cold, closes into a fist. It’s a wood thrush. A small North American songbird that doesn’t sing at night, doesn’t live in the city. He knows what it means. It means hold, steady, not yet. It means wait for me, I’m behind you.

[hayleythesugarbowl]

omigoshh hellooo, I just found your blog and I adore your ian fics!! I also saw that you're taking requests, so can I please have a story ( ? ) request with ian and like a bubbly enthusiastic crew member? she's very sweet and always have a smile on her to make everyone's time at work better <33. but when she's on camera, she's a bit shy especially when on tntl gauntlet! but everyone just loves her like a mom hehe. sorry that this is long, no pressure in writing this btw! love you and your work lovely💕 <3

Roasted || Ian Hecox x reader

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ masterlist • smosh masterlist  ⋆˚｡⋆୨୧⋆

summary: you, a crew member at smosh, appear on your first TNTL gauntlet and have a surprise for your boyfriend ian

word count: 1.3k

warnings: none

a/n: ok so sorry for the delay darling but it’s here! i took this idea and turned it into a full on tntl bit + roast. hope u enjoy!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~°~❦~°~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

     “Up next is (Y/n)!”

     People clapped as Emily called out from behind the camera.

     You walked out from behind the divider, a smile on your face as you approach the six people on the stools. 

     You had been working at Smosh for nearly a year now, but you had yet to appear on camera. When you had been asked to appear on one of the TNTL Gauntlet episodes with the rest of the crew, you were hesitant but had ultimately agreed.

     You looked at your friends waiting for you to begin your bit. Your eyes lingered longer on Ian, your boyfriend of nearly four months. He gave you an encouraging smile and thumbs up. 

     “Hey guys,” you waved awkwardly, “Wow this is so exciting, I’ve never been on camera before!”

     Shayne turned to face the camera from his stool. “(Y/n) is one of our writers and producers, for those of you that don’t know.”

     You nodded as Ian said, “And my girlfriend!”

     Everyone clapped and you felt yourself blush. “That’s news to me,” you teased.

     “(Y/n), you’re making me look bad on camera,” Ian stage whispered.

     “Doing that all on your own buddy,” Angela said, patting his shoulder.

     Shayne, who had already started to take a sip of water, spit it out, laughing at her comment.

     This made Courtney and Damien spit their water out and soon everyone was laughing.

     “Ok guys, shut up, let (Y/n) do her bit,” Ian said, nodding at you.

     “Ok, dad,” Angela rolled her eyes.

     Once everyone had water in their mouth you answered him. 

     “Funny you should say that Ian,” you said, smiling sweetly as you looked at him. 

     He raised an eyebrow. You shot him a wink. Now that everyone’s attention was on you, waiting to see what you would do, you were suddenly nervous. You focused on Ian as you continued, 

     “So, um, as Ian told you, we’ve been dating for a little while now. And so I wanted to make this bit especially for him.”

     “Oh my god I can’t wait for this,” Amanda said, around the water in her mouth. 

     “Since I wasn’t a part Smosh yet when Ian had his funeral,” you continued, still smiling brightly. “I thought I’d take this opportunity to give him my roast.”

     Shayne clapped loudly and you looked at everyone’s widened eyes. Ian shook his head at you, eyes smiling.

     “Ian don’t worry,” you turned to him. “I’m going to keep it light. I’m not going to say anything offensive or inappropriate—which I know is something you’re not familiar with so let me explain it in terms you’ll understand: 9/11, Columbine, that’s what she said, and something about Luigi Mangione?”

     Shayne spit out his water, looking shocked. Ian played along, shrugging. You tucked your hair behind your ears—you were just getting started.

     “But Ian isn’t all dark humor and Challenger’s references. As I’ve gotten to know him, I’ve really gotten to see who he really is. Which is some combination of the kid from Toy Story and Jared Bailey if he was depressed and looked like Matt Walsh.”

      Everyone else spit their water out now, except for Ian who crossed his arms at you, feigning offense. 

     “This is so good!” Angela yelled. You continued.  

      “No, but Ian is amazing. And he’s a really great boyfriend. He’ll tell you that you look gorgeous and give you lots of affection and he’ll make you feel so loved and desired—

     You paused for effect. 

     “—or so Anthony’s told me.”

     Ian spit now, laughing with everyone else. “No need to out me like that.”

     “This is insane,” Shayne wheezed, wiping his eyes.

      “But all jokes aside,” you started. “Ian is really special and he’s contributed a lot to society…and to science. I mean, as the only person to breastfeed until the age of 13, he’s  been so useful to so many studies.”

      “This,” Amanda said through her laughter, “is actually so crazy.”

      “You’re getting owned,” Courtney shoved Ian’s shoulder playfully. 

      You smiled, feeling encouraged by their laughter and not feeling nearly as nervous as you had at the beginning.

     You glanced at Ian. He was shaking his head at you, a proud look on his face. 

     You cleared your throat.  

     “And I know everyone likes to give Ian crap for his fashion sense—probably because of the gum-ball machine chic chains and the ‘piña colada threw up on me’ vibes—”

     “Hey, that shirt is fire,” Shayne defended.

     “Thank you!” Ian exclaimed.

     “—but I think Ian does have a good fashion sense. I’m sure all the bi girls are so happy that you stole their style and somehow made it so much more white trash.”

     “It’s too real,” Angela said through tears of laughter as Damien blew out an astonished breath. 

     “What I’m trying to say, Ian,” you said, turning to him. “is that I’m so glad we’re together and I know you would never cheat on me—or at least I think. Last time I asked you about it you just shot yourself with a water gun so I’m not really sure what…”

     You trailed off as Ian threw up his hands. 

    “Anyway,” you said, smiling brightly at Ian as he grinned back at you. “I love you Ian and I can’t imagine my life without you in it and I’ll always want you around—even if Angry Birds 2 didn’t.”

     As you finished, the cast on camera and the crew off camera burst into applause and you felt your cheeks warm as you did a little bow.

     “Damn,” Shayne cursed once the room had quieted, looking shocked and impressed. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard 

(Y/n) say anything bad about someone ever.”

     “Ian how do you feel?” Damien asked. 

     “Yeah my guy, you were just annihilated,” Courtney giggled.

     Ian looked at you as he answered them. “I’ve never felt better.”

     “Awww,” Amanda cooed, nudging Angela. “They’re weird and in love!”

     “Ew,” Angela joked. “That’s mom and dad you’re talking about.”

     You laughed, catching Ian’s eye as you walked backwards off the set and back behind the divider. 

     “Seriously though, that shirt slaps, dude,” you hear Shayne saying as you walk away. 

     You beamed to yourself. All in all, you’d say your first TNTL was a success. 

     ₊˚ ✧ ‿︵‿୨୧‿︵‿ ✧ ₊˚

     You found Ian immediately after the episode was finished filming. As you passed people, you were showered with praise and comments about your roast. 

     It felt good, having your first time on camera go so well. For so long everyone had known you as the shy, quiet type. Always having something kind to say to someone, an encouraging word to offer. It was nice knowing they all now knew this side of you too. 

     You walked up to Ian, grabbing his hand. “How’d I do?” You asked him. 

     He leaned in and kissed you. “Mmm, you were perfect. I’m questioning my whole identity.”

    “Yeah? I didn’t go to hard on you,” you mumbled against his lips.

     “Nah, everything you said was probably true,” he joked in between kisses. “And I love you even more because not only is my girlfriend sweet and caring and incredibly sexy, she’s also insanely funny and one of the most talented people I’ve ever met.”

     You smiled against him. “You’re not so bad yourself.”

     He pulled back, his hand trailing down your arm. “Really? I thought I was immature and unstylish.”

     “And I love you even more because of it,” you teased.

     “Hey, (Y/n)?”

     You turned to find Amanda standing behind you. You grabbed Ian’s arm, pulling him close to you as you focused your attention on her.

     “Don’t mean to interrupt but—can you write my roast for Angela’s funeral? You’re so good at it and I can’t think of anything that rhymes with ‘drank paint’.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~°~❦~°~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ˋ°•*⁀➷ this is me manifesting an angela (and arasha and chanse and spencer and trevor) funeral roast 🧘‍♀️

[cordjefferson]

Hi! Not sure if you still answer questions on here, but I feel lost as a screenwriter right now. In my final year of film school, I’m afraid the “industry” we are about to be let out into no longer exists. I don’t want to go back to journalism, but I also don’t want to fail at screenwriting in vain. I’ll keep going, but just wondering if you’ve ever found yourself in a similar place. Hope you’re well.

A few days after Trump was elected the first time, I called my dad to complain and commiserate. He listened to me worry for a few minutes and then he said, "You know, when I was a young man, it was common to wake up and find out that Medgar Evers had been killed or that Malcolm X had been killed or that Martin Luther King Jr. had been killed, or that another person had been lynched somewhere not too far from where I grew up. It was terrible, but we had to go on living our lives."

It was a helpful reminder that shit's always sucked -- in many ways it used to suck worse. That doesn't mean your fear is unfounded. You have every right to be afraid as all the world's ghouls circle their wagons in an effort to eternalize their wealth and influence, thus making our already intractable problems feel even more intractable. But the great news is that now is the perfect time for you to make your art.

Hard times can make for excellent work. Consider that punk rock and rap blossomed under Reagan. I'm currently in the middle of a novel called The Oppermanns, which follows a trio of German-Jewish brothers in 1933 Berlin dealing with the rise of Nazism. It's a great book on its face, but the whole piece becomes even more interesting when you discover that it was written by a German-Jew in real time as the Nazis rose to power.

Even if what you write isn't taken seriously at first, making art is never a failure. Artists aren't athletes, meaning you don't need to produce your best work before you turn 35 and your knees give out. Creativity is a lifelong pursuit. You'll only get better at it the more you live, learn, and grow. And because the winds of industries and the world are always changing, allowing their vagaries to scare you into inaction would be a death sentence.

I had a very long dry spell in the year 2014. I went to meeting after meeting trying to get into a TV writers' room and was rejected over and over again. After almost nine months of being told no, I finally emailed my manager one night to say that I was going to quit "working" in TV and go back to what was left of my journalism career. He asked me to stick it out for one more month, and two weeks later I got an interview with someone who hired me. Work has fortunately been pretty steady ever since. So, of course, stubborn persistence is also a valuable tool in all of this.

I can't imagine I'm saying anything that you don't already understand somewhere in your heart. You know that you've picked a challenging career. The arts are infamously cutthroat and chancy, and many of your contemporaries are going to quit somewhere along the line. It's a tough road to hoe, and the only thing that makes it at all tolerable is the ability to find value and joy in the making of your thing, whatever that may be. If writing something feels like it's been done in vain because you don't sell it or it doesn't become a hit TV show, I recommend you don't do this work. Only do it if the doing of it is what sustains you, because the doing of it may be what has to sustain you forever.

I'm rooting for you from afar. XO

[aquarius-johnny]

nct johnny's master list: fluff ❀ aquarius-johnny

all fluffy posts | masterlist navigation | individual links below:

one-shots:

✦ thank you ≫ an intense and heated argument between Johnny and his ex, makes him appreciate your relationship with his son even more.  ✦ confessions ≫ it’s been four years since you’ve seen your neighbor, johnny. when he returns from university, after graduating in the winter, you realize he’s no longer the boy next door you remembered. ✦ merry christmas ≫ you don’t really care for the holiday season, but johnny was absolutely in love with it, so he made it his mission to make the holidays special. ✦ give me a reason ≫ johnny finds out you know about his confession, but not in the way he was hoping. ✦ family affair ≫ johnny asks you to meet him to tell you something he’s been hiding from you.  ✦ in the moment ≫ amidst Johnny’s incredibly hectic schedule, he finds time to see you to ensure that you know he still loves you. ✦ blind dates ≫ your parents’ paranoia and panic set in when they realize you weren’t settling down which causes them to line up a few blind dates. little do they know, you already had someone waiting for you. ✦ coffeehouse ≫ johnny is infatuated with you, a stranger he saw at the coffee shop. ✦ plan c ≫ although traumatized by a painful past, you tell johnny you’re pregnant and he’s nothing but excited to be a daddy. ✦ confidence is key ≫ filled with insecurity and doubt about every aspect of yourself, johnny makes sure you know where he stands with the parts you absolutely dislike. ✦ playing nurse ≫ johnny is sick and wants you to come over and take care of him. ✦ love, johnny ≫ johnny uses playlists as a way to tell you he loves you. ✦ father’s day surprise ≫ this particular father’s day is a lot more special because you decide to tell johnny he’s going to be a father.  ✦ final call ≫ nct night night is back and in full swing and everyone is excited, except your 3-year-old daughter who just can’t seem to let her dad go. ✦ disconnected ≫ based off the song disconnected by 5 seconds of summer.

blurbs:

✦ johnny rummages through old christmas... ✦ neighbor!johnny always hears you blasting... ✦ your heart pounded against your chest as you... ✦ the crowd of people around you shout... ✦ a date with johnny... ✦ olderbrother!johnny hides in the corner... ✦ amidst his incredibly hectic schedule... ✦ dropping your bag near the door... ✦ tossing and turning in bed, you enviously... ✦ roommate!johnny begging you to...

drabbles:

✦ johnny sits on the living room couch… ✦ high school volleyballstar!johnny turns... ✦ johnny could feel the hurt that radiated off… ✦ after a long day of shopping with johnny... ✦ it wasn’t a surprise that girls would swoon... ✦ you deserve so much better... ✦ they can’t hurt you anymore… ✦ you couldn’t pass up the opportunity to... ✦ the sun’s ray beamed through your window as... ✦ you felt exhausted, not only physically but... ✦ backstage is hectic, clothes thrown... ✦ viciously typing your keyboard, you let out a... ✦ your hands tangled into Johnny’s... ≫ mature ✦ okay, I’m gonna run to the corner store... ✦ after completing your intensive skin care... ✦ johnny wakes up to find you passed out on... ✦ you found comfort and solace when... ✦ don’t be scared, i’m right here… ✦ your relationship with johnny could be... ✦ you weren’t sure why you had stopped... ✦ how you got involved with johnny is a... ✦ you found yourself on the doorstep... ✦ you absolutely hated crying in front of johnny... ✦ it was your first day of college and... ✦ will they like me... ✦ you and johnny were neighbors since... ✦ the silence of the room is replaced with... ✦ johnny rests his head on your lap as you... ✦ i bought this because i thought you’d like it... ✦ i always want to kiss you... ✦ "welcome home, baby,” johnny greets... ✦ you pat johnny’s broad shoulders as... ✦ it wasn’t too long into your relationship... ✦ it had been 3 months since you and johnny... ✦ you and johnny lay under the night sky... ✦ adrenaline pumped through your veins... ✦ johnny hated when you were on the phone... ✦ the soft melody plays in the background... ✦ “can’t wait for our baby to be born”… ✦ as you approach your front door, you’re met... ✦ fit of giggles erupt as you walk through… ✦ laughter erupts from the tiny body... ✦ johnny always made it a point to wake… ✦ your heart fluttered immensely as you... ✦ johnny admires the twinkle in your eyes... ✦ sitting his daughter on the couch… ✦ “hey,” johnny greets shyly as... ✦ "for it being the first time you’re trapped"... ✦ when you received a phone call from... ✦ johnny is a sentimental man, maybe the most... ✦ “daddy, it’s too cold here!” …

[starlightshadowsworld]

I think it’s really easy to see Camp Jupiters militaristic mindset and how they’re so vocally against Greek demigods and those that aren’t like them.

And you know, the whole fighting for the confederacy thing. And think oh these guys are the worst.

But Camp Half Blood has just as much issues that I feel get brushed over because it’s portrayed as the more fun and chill camp (that fought for the union.)

When in many respects they are mirror images of each other.

Camo Jupiter judges people on rank and Camp Halfblood judges people on their parentage (frankly I think that’s worse.)

They adore him now but Percy was shunned the moment they learned who his dad was. They shunned Nico for a few things, his dad being one of them.

Tyson because he was a Cyclops and Rachel because she is mortal. In fact they don’t allow mortals into Camp Halfblood unlike Camp Jupiter.

Despite there being Greek legacies in this world. Frank is a son of mars yes but he’s also a legacy of Poseidon.

Frank and Hazel are looked down upon for being part of the 5th leigion and we see how they’re treated compared to those in the 1st.

Camp Jupiter replaced Jason with Percy in a very similar vein to how Camp Halfblood essentially replaced Percy with Thalia when she returned.

Which is why I like to think Percy calling Jason Praetor as well is because he didn’t want Jason to think he replaced him because he knows first hand how much that sucks.

Neither have easy passage to get into considering Camp Jupiter allows Roman demigods entry as long as they’ve survived the Wolf House first.

Camp Halfblood says it allows any Greek demigod but if you’re parent doesn’t have a cabin here you will have to sleep in an already crowded cabin after a deity known for being a thief.

Also the judgement you’ll get for it especially if your parent fought on the perceived bad side of a war.

Camp Jupiter is self governed by Praetors they choose. While Camp Halfblood has Chiron and Mr D snd that one time Chiron was removed and a criminal decided to run things.

Both of which have left their camps in ruin for their own gain.

And the rest is pretty much the same it’s just disguised as fun summer camp stuff in Camp Halfblood.

Get prophecies. Train. Complete a quest if you’re selected. Get a new bracelet bead for a year of completion or you get a tattoo for it.

Get very much favoured by the Olympians if your Greek (because the Romans had to fend for themselves during the Battle of Mount Othrys) but even then that doesn’t exactly mean much.

Yeah New Rome exists but only for those that complete a decade of service (unless your Annabeth and Percy) and in both respects neither are expected to live that long.

They both got a lot of issues and for as different they may try to be for each other, they are very more similar then they’d like to admit.

Makes me wish we saw more of those differing cultures.

Like Frank not getting why people in CHB assume he’s some meat head when he tells them who his dad is.

Thalia being looked down upon in one camp because her brother is not only part of the 5th cohort but a disgraced former praetor. And looked up too in another because her dad is Zeus.

I just think it would be interesting to see.

[starstruckodysseys]

may i request fabian and fig and ‘were designed to be disposable’ >:)) /nf

- @transgenderfabianseacaster

ignore if this is out of character i don’t write fh as often as i should… i love these two so much though actually so thank u for this

“I really don’t think it’s that deep,” Fig tries, not for the first time, and there’s a laugh buried somewhere in there but Fabian’s been pacing the hospital hallway for too long for it to really be a joke, by now.

“You don’t understand, Fig,” he says, throwing his hands in the air. He hasn’t looked at her for the past fifteen minutes. “We’re designed to be disposable. This is the end.”

It hits her like a punch to the gut, harsher than any of the spell hits she’s taken. Which is— it’s ridiculous, right? She knows it is, knows it’s just Fabian being dramatic, but there’s that nagging feeling in her chest, the one that’s been there since and even before the Nightmare Forest, telling her everyone’s going to leave and it’s going to be her fault because she isn’t good enough.

And she knows, alright? She knows it’s stupid, that her friends love her and Ayda would find her in any lifetime and she’s working on her relationships with her parents. Unfortunately, knowing is not the same as processing, and facts don’t make the fear suddenly disappear.

And it sucks! It sucks so much, because she tries to grin and keep her head up and ignore the thoughts, but sometimes… sometimes it’s really hard.

Something in her face must fall, because Fabian finally looks at her, eye going wide when he takes in her expression. “I mean— you know, it’s—”

“It’s fine, Fabes,” she says with a grin and a wave of her hand. She means it, to an extent. It’s just her own brain that’s the issue.

He stops, finally, leans against the wall with something that might be a sigh. “I’m not worried,” he says, in a tone that does not do him any favors, “I just don’t think they’re… ready. I mean, Gilear? Really?”

Fig laughs. “C’mon, don’t be so hard on him,” she says, even as she swallows down the bitter thought that he wasn’t a great dad when she was his daughter.

Fabian makes a face but doesn’t say anything. She reaches out to bump his shin with the toe of her boot, grins again when he looks back down at her.

“You’re still my favorite sibling,” she teases, and he rolls his eye. “No, come on, you gotta say it back!”

“I don’t have to do anything!” he protests.

“You do, because you love me!”

“I said nothing of the sort.”

They descend into petty squabbling, lighthearted bickering, and Fig grins — for real, this time. Maybe everything isn’t perfect. Maybe the two of them are kind of dancing around the subject because neither of them are willing to acknowledge the elephant in the sterile walls of the hospital hall.

For now, it doesn’t matter. For now, she attempts to goad Fabian into calling her his favorite sister, which isn’t even a contest, Fabes, you already declared the unborn child your nemesis, where are you going—

send me a prompt!

[veritas-scribblings]

1. things we carry | words: 1,993 | platonic prongsfoot | [next part -> early morning ]

(December, 1980)

Sirius had moved out of the Potter’s home two months after they graduated. He had found a run-down little muggle apartment in the heart of London. It’s small—almost shoe-box small—rather more than a little bit damp, and there are bits and pieces of it which seem to be peeling off or crumbling away. It’s rock and roll, Sirius says. It’s bohemian. He’s an artist (an ‘artiste’, because Sirius always says it with a flair).

And now James is worried. It’s not that Sirius is incapable, because he’s very much capable. He has an almost anal retentive need for orderliness and control; a side effect, James thinks, of being raised in the House of Black. It’s just that Sirius’s level of self-care always reflects the state of his mental health, and James hasn’t heard from Sirius in almost two weeks.

It’s nearly Christmas now. These days, Sirius has mixed feelings about Christmas. The first year Sirius had moved in with them, Christmas had been…mostly…wonderful. It was the year that James’s little family of three had become a family of four. His parents had doted upon Sirius ("Sirius deserves all the love," they had said). Sirius had received more presents and more hugs and more food than James had, and had quite smugly rubbed in James’s face that he was now the "favourite son".

They had for a while ignored the fact that Sirius had been fleeing so far and so fast from his feelings that the feelings may as well have been a runaway train. "Don’t ruin the holiday for him," Effie had said. "There’ll be enough time to deal with this afterwards."

But James had been worried then. And James is worried now. It’s his "mother bear tendencies", Effie calls them. His need to take care of and fix everything.

James unlocks Sirius’s apartment door with his spare key and pushes his way inside. The apartment, on the second floor, is small and cluttered. There are posters of Fleetwood Mac and Pink Floyd pinned to the wall. Vinyl records lining the shelves. Sirius has brought his motorcycle inside because he worries about it getting stolen and doesn’t want an unsuspecting muggle thief getting themselves hexed by the security spells.

It’s cluttered, but everything has a place. Over the years, James learnt this the hard way through accidentally moving something and incurring the wrath of one anally retentive Sirius Black.

"Mum packed you a care package." James dumps a bag on the kitchen bench. "There’s chana masala. Chapati. Um, some other stuff…Mum made achappam, Dad made mince pies and gingerbread, I think."

James trails off, staring around. It’s eerily quiet in the space. There’s normally always music playing, like Sirius’s life is one long dance party. But now, the record player is off and Sirius is curled up on the couch with what looks suspiciously like a glass of whiskey.

"Say thank you for me," Sirius grunts. He’s still staring out the window through the half-open curtains, but he waves a hand of acknowledgement around.

"Sure." James drops himself on the empty armrest, which sags underneath him. There’s an open sketchbook on the coffee table between them. When he tries to take a peek, Sirius suddenly seems to properly register his presence and quickly slams it shut.

"Right. So. Christmas lunch. You’ll come over Christmas Eve, like usual. Stay the night. Presents in the morning. There’s a huge pile under the tree for you. Between the two of us, I think we can convince Mum to make appam…" At Sirius’s look, James raises an eyebrow and adds, "You really want to argue with Mum about all this? She’s worried about you, you know. We’re all worried about you." He trails off, leaves the thought hanging, hoping that Sirius will read between the lines, understand everything he’s leaving unsaid. Mainly because James doesn’t fancy having Sirius figuratively punch him in the face with a deadly Black glare. 

Last year, Sirius had put on a show for them over Christmas—the ‘artiste’ he is—all smiles and laughs and sweet talk. But there had been darkness in-between. Irritability and snappishness. He’d picked a fight with James. Drank a little bit too much. Said a little bit too much. Flirted a little bit too much.

So now, in anticipation of a spiral, James is here on his mother’s orders (though he initially hadn’t wanted to "poke the sleeping dragon", as Fleamont would say). But James is his best friend. His "brother in arms". So, cautiously, James enters his territory prepared to have his head bitten off.

"Me?" Sirius scoffs and drains his glass. "Why ever would you be worried? I’m perfect. Immaculate. Flawless, even. Just ask your mum."

"Mum thinks you’re a terror."

"Lies! Utter lies. You’re just jealous that I’m a better son." Sirius gestures across the room. "Proof positive. She sends me packages of love. Don’t see her sending you packages of love."

"What?" James squarks. "I live with her, you absolute idiot."

"Irrelevant." Sirius dumps his glass on top of his sketchbook and draws his knees to his chest. "I have chapatis of love and mince pies of love. Pretty sure that means they like me more."

It’s a misdirect. A distraction, James is sure, because Sirius is allergic to emotions. They fall into a brief, uncomfortable silence. Sirius picks at the couch fabric, which is already worn from what is likely years of use.

He’d found the couch on the side of the road and had rounded up James, Remus and Peter to help him drag it inside. At the time, James had been absolutely disgusted with the idea of sitting on someone’s used and discarded furniture, and disdainful about the idea of having to lug it up the stairs the muggle way.

Sirius had just called it, wistfully, "bohemian". "It’s a muggle apartment building," he had said. "Can’t go floating couches around." It’s the same excuse he uses for the dampness and the flickering lights and lack of proper heating and the paint peeling off the walls. Apparently he can’t go and just fix things using magic. People would notice, he says.

Sirius had originally been so optimistic about doing the place up and making it his own, but now James fears he might just be punishing himself.

"You know," James hedges, leaning forwards to peer at Sirius cautiously. Sirius has turned away and is once again staring out the window. "You could…write to him? It would be a start? It’s Christmas. Christmas is about family, I’m sure he would want to hear from you. Just…you know…a ‘Happy Christmas’ card. An ‘I’m thinking of you’ card.”

Sirius leaps to his feet so suddenly that it startles James. He tugs his sketchbook from under the glass tumbler, sending it toppling to the ground with a thud. “Right. I’m going to go and shower.”

“I’m just saying. He wants to talk to you too. I know he does.”

“Oh, does he,” Sirius says sceptically. “That’s why, the last time he was anywhere near me, he couldn’t get away fast enough.”

“Well…”

Sirius rolls his eyes and shoves past James. “Just leave it,” his voice is low, dangerous. A warning sign to back away. He turns the record player on and ‘Stairway To Heaven’ begins to play. 

This is Sirius saying he is done listening, James knows. He should leave well enough alone. But he never does. Never has. He’ll poke the sleeping dragon, as his father would say.

“Alright. Fine. I’m just saying, I believe he does. Deep down.”

“Deep, deep down.”

“Someone just…you know…needs to make the first move. Look, I know the shit your parents pulled, and it wasn’t fair. No—no, hear me out! They’re gone. I think it would help you…it would help the both of you if you just…talked!”

Sirius storms across the room and flings his bedroom door open so violently it slams against the wall and swings back towards him, sending him stumbling backwards. “Just fucking leave it, James! It’s actually none of your business. You can…door’s that way, if you’re lost or something.”

He says “James” with a vehemence and venom that James hasn’t heard in years. Normally it’s “Prongs” this or “Lover Boy” that or whatever sobriquet Sirius is feeling at the time. The “James” hits James square in the chest and winds him.

Through the bedroom, the shower is running as Sirius bashes around. James lingers on the couch, uncertain as to whether to leave, uncertain as to whether he needs to intervene. Whether Sirius is going to try and drown himself in the shower.

Sirius is too proud to “make the first move”, James knows. He is more inclined to ignore the hippogriff in the room. Sirius Black does not meet people halfway. He does not compromise. He doesn’t grovel. He rarely apologises, and when he does, it’s with great reluctance and resentment. Like the words have been forced from his mouth against his will. It’s a Black family trait, one of the many traits passed down through the family line. And one they tried so many times to work through when they were younger.

And the trouble is: Regulus Black is also far too proud to ‘make the first move’. He’s more proud than Sirius, if that is even possible. After all, he spent longer in the House of Black.

And, perhaps, therein lies the problem.

Two years ago, five days after Christmas, Walburga and Orion Black were entombed in the family mausoleum in Lincolnshire. Almost the entire pureblood community had turned out for the funeral ceremony, which had been arranged by one Cygnus Black. It was a sombre affair. Grand. Elaborate. Befitting the House of Black, the Daily Prophet reported.

James wouldn’t know much about it. He had not attended. He had sat on the threadbare couch in Sirius’s apartment and listened to the entirety of Led Zeppelin’s fourth album on repeat. It was not the wisest of decisions, his mother had said to James later on, for Sirius to miss the funeral. Not while he was currently under investigation.

But Sirius could not be convinced otherwise. He had been adamant that he would not attend.

And Sirius Black could never be made to do something he did not wish to do.

It had taken months, until after the investigation had officially closed and Walburga and Orion Blacks’ deaths had ultimately been ruled an accident, for Sirius to eventually visit their tomb. Sirius had been roaringly drunk at the time and had driven himself to the mausoleum in the dark and the rain. Because he had rationalised that it would be safer than trying to apparate. Damn near crashed his motorcycle, he would admit later on.

James had found him screaming at his parents’ plaques, at the spot where they would eventually erect statues. It had taken not a little amount of coaxing to convince Sirius to leave and not destroy the place with a Confringo.

Back then, James had hoped that Walburga and Orion’s deaths would bring Sirius and Regulus closer together. Now, in retrospect, he knows that this was just his naivety. His hopeless optimism. That the universe would just make it happen.

Really, James is not sure he is in any position to orchestrate what he has now come to call the “greatest reunification in wizarding history”. He does not know where Regulus lives. He does not even know whether Regulus is willing to speak to him; he knows at least that Regulus simply refuses to be anywhere within Sirius’s vicinity. 

What James does have faith in is his ability to plan. His ability to be patient. His ability to to play the long game. His ability to co-ordinate and orchestrate. After all, isn’t that what he’d been doing all through Hogwarts?

But maybe that’s just his hopeless optimism.

[dandylovesturtles]

and finally here's Wilde and Leo interacting because of course I went for blue turtle angst right away

I'd like to write little things for the other boys sometime but no promises

---

Leo yawns and stretches his arms over his head as walks into the kitchen, already characteristically full and lively. Draxum sips coffee while reading the news, Sulley snuggled against his arm while he waits for breakfast. Mikey has coerced Sondheim into helping him cook, chattering away happily while directing their biggest step-brother this way and that. Raph watches the proceedings with an amused expression; Viv watches too, though his expression is only vaguely curious.

It’s not a surprise that neither Donnie or Splinter are here yet, but Leo’s eyes quickly clock one more face missing - not hard, since it’s nearly identical to his own.

“Morning,” he greets, before turning his attention to Draxum. “Where’s Wilde Man?”

“Still asleep, I assume,” says Draxum, flipping to the next page of his paper. Sulley glances up at Leo, then clings more tightly to his dad’s arm.

Tch, like Leo would ever be interested in taking that seat!

He slides past Viv and Raph to the opposite side of the table, just to prove it, but his hand stalls on the back of the chair. It could be that Wilde is just sleeping, but… it doesn’t feel right. Unlike Leo, who likes to sleep in, Wilde wakes up early and is usually here well before him.

It shouldn’t worry him. Wilde could be asleep. Or he could be in the bathroom. There’s a million explanations, really. 

Leo backs away from the chair and slides past Raph and Viv again. “I’m gonna go check on him,” he announces. 

“Fine,” says Draxum simply. Leo tries not to let that response rankle him. Draxum’s not exactly the warm and fuzzy type, and he won’t act concerned unless he feels like there’s a good reason to. As much as Leo hates to admit it, he can see that Draxum is really trying, for their alternate dimension selves and for them, too. But he’s usually more reactive than proactive. It’s like Splinter, in a big way, so Leo gets it.

Besides, if Wilde has a problem, he usually lets them all know it right away. Which means it’s probably nothing and Leo is overreacting.

He still thinks he should check.

(Donnie accuses him of babying the guy, but Leo isn’t babying anyone!)

He goes to his room first, grabbing his swords so he can portal over to the platform where Draxum and his step-brothers live. It’s only about a two minute walk, faster if he takes the auto-piloted tram Donnie and Viv built, but nothing is as fast as his portals!

Seconds later he’s stepping through to Draxum’s platform, the train cars laid out in a mirror of his and his brothers’. The lights are out in every car, including Wilde’s. There’s no sound; as far as Leo can tell, the platform is deserted.

Still, when he gets Wilde’s car, he takes the time to stop and rap his knuckles against the metal outside, not grabbing the curtain that serves as a door just yet. “Hey, Wilde?”

Finally, Leo hears a sound: a sharp hiss, like someone sucking a startled breath. Or maybe more like a scared animal, threatening an intruder.

Leo tenses, automatically bracing for an attack. Nothing happens, however; there’s no further noise from inside the car.

He lowers his voice a bit, calling more gently, “Wilde? Can I come in?”

There’s a long pause, and then Wilde’s voice, rougher than usual, snaps, “No.”

Leo doesn’t move. “Okay,” he says. “But are you alright in there?”

Another sharp breath, and Leo knows he isn’t. His mind whirls over the possibilities of what it could be: nightmare, fight with one of his brothers, fight with Draxum, general pain from his injuries. Any number of things can set Wilde off. Except this doesn’t feel like his normal rage and fury; this feels more like fear.

“I’m fine,” comes the lie, finally, and Leo sighs.

“Come on, bro, it’s me. You know you can talk to me, right?”

“I don’t- I won’t-” Wilde lets out what was probably meant to be a frustrated growl, but pitched too high - whine territory. “Talking won’t help.”

“Okay,” Leo agrees easily. “So what will?”

Wilde says nothing. The silence stretches out interminably.

Leo knows Wilde just told him he couldn’t come in, but he can’t take this anymore. Something is wrong. What if Wilde is injured, or sick? He grits his teeth. Establishing trust with the guy has been hard, and he knows he’s about to damage it, but he feels like he can’t just stand out here.

“I’m coming in,” he announces, then pauses for several seconds longer, to give Wilde time to protest, or come out himself. When he doesn’t, Leo pushes the curtain aside and steps in.

Wilde’s in his bed, the covers pulled up to his chest, clenched in a tight hand. His eyes are wide and unblinking, and he lets out a series of clicks when Leo steps closer, high and terrified. They sound involuntary, like Wilde just can’t hide how scared he is, which shocks Leo into stopping again. He’s always seen Wilde lash out. He’s never seen him cringe back.

Leo holds up his hands, his voice low and gentle. “It’s alright,” he says. “I’m not gonna hurt you.” It’s the tone he uses when Raph has one of his really bad nightmares, the ones that make him think the Krang still have him. 

Wilde doesn’t look like he believes that. Maybe he feels like he can’t, because of whatever it is that made him this scared. Leo takes another step forward, Wilde clicks, and Leo stops.

“Okay,” he says, then lowers himself to the floor and sits, cross-legged. Wilde’s train car is a lot cleaner than Leo’s own, maybe because it’s the first space he’s had that’s really his, or maybe because he’s afraid of what will happen if it’s not. “I’m just gonna chill here until you can tell me what’s wrong.”

Wilde clicks a few more times, then goes silent. He’s still watching Leo, wide-eyed and unmoving. Leo keeps his own posture as relaxed as he can, keeping his eyes focused more on the bed itself than Wilde’s face, and tries not to fidget while he waits for Wilde to calm down.

Actually, something about the sheets seem… off. Like there’s something missing. But Wilde’s prosthetic isn’t in its stand by Wilde’s bed, so it must be-

Wilde suddenly sags against the wall of the train car, and Leo sits up straight. His step-brother is shaking, but he tentatively stretches his fingers in Leo’s direction, and that’s all Leo needs to hop to his feet and move to the bed.

“Hey, there’s my Wilde Guy,” he says, grinning as he settles onto the mattress by Wilde’s legs. “Ready to tell Leon what’s wrong?”

Wilde actually manages a little bit of a glare, though it lacks its usual intensity, tempered by fear. “Don’t you already know?”

“I swear that I don’t,” says Leo seriously.

Wilde is again slow to answer and Leo doesn’t push him, just waits, holding out a hand in invitation. Wilde doesn’t take it, but the offer seems to communicate Leo’s sincerity.

“...Someone stole my leg,” he finally grumbles.

Leo would almost have assumed that was a joke, except he knows Wilde completely lacks his characteristic Leo Humor. Which means he’s serious, and which also explains why the covers looked so misshapen to Leo earlier.

But who would even take Wilde’s leg? He can’t think of any reason why… Oh.

“Oh,” says Leo, frowning. He should have anticipated this… “I bet Donnie took it.”

“I’LL KILL HIM!” Wilde shrieks, lurching forward and nearly overbalancing into the floor. Leo jerks out of his relaxed slouch to catch him, mentally chastising himself. He should have said that a lot more carefully.

“Hold on, hold on!” he begs, setting Wilde back straight on his pillows. “I meant, he probably took it to do some tech stuff to it!”

“Like what?” Wilde snarls, except it’s pitched too high again, and Leo realizes he’s genuinely scared of what Donnie might be doing with his prosthetic. Almost like…

Leo swallows down the sudden knot in his throat and tries to smile, like everything is fine, even though he knows it isn’t. “He gets it in his head that he has to improve things for people,” Leo explains. “He thinks he’s making it better.”

“I don’t want better, I want it on my leg!” 

“Yeah, and that’s totally fair,” Leo agrees quickly. “He stranded me once like this, too, when I was still on crutches after the Krang invasion. Just took them one night without saying anything.”

Wilde stops struggling against him, but Leo can still feel him trembling. “So he does this kind of stuff a lot,” he says quietly.

“He doesn’t mean anything bad by it,” says Leo. “But I know it’s super frustrating. I get it.”

“Do you?” Wilde snaps, and Leo thinks that maybe he doesn’t.

“...Look. I’m sorry that my dum-dum brother stranded you here without another way to move. And I’m sorry that it scared you.”

“Not scared,” Wilde mumbles, and Leo lets him have it.

“But no one’s going to hurt you here, little bro.” He turns his grapple into a hug, tucking Wilde under his chin, and is surprised when he isn’t immediately shoved away. Wilde really is terrified. “No one’s gonna hurt you,” he repeats.

Wilde doesn’t relax. He’s stiff in Leo’s arms. But he doesn’t argue, so Leo accepts it for now.

oh yeah so Yes pretty overwhelmingly won the poll so you guys only have yourselves to blame for seeing this nonsense I will probably not do much more with lol

anyway I've been mentally calling it the Draxum's Kids AU or Step-brothers AU because I didn't come up with anything creative

high level premise is that, due to ~mystic shenanigans~, Draxum from the OU (post-movie) gets pulled through a portal to another dimension, about a year behind the OU dimension, where he kept the turtles and accomplished a lot of his human eradication goals but was also a terrible father. Draxum sees the writing on the wall that his AU self's foolish actions have led to an impending apocalypse and finds the AU's Mikey (who is only called Boxshell) to help him get back to the original dimension. But as soon as he meets back up with Boxshell his Dad Instincts kick in and he realizes he can't just leave "his" kids here to die, so he decides to kidnap all four of them back to the original dimension.

this is complicated a bit by all of them hating each other

under the cut is about 3000 words of Draxum getting abducted

Draxum would really appreciate it if they could make it six months without a potentially world ending threat.

This one seems particularly suspicious. Giant black swirling vortexes giving off massive mystic energy signatures don’t simply <i>appear</i>, not for no reason. The fact that Michelangelo had been the first to notice it, cocking his head to the side like a bloodhound hearing a rabbit, was not putting him at ease, either.

“Soooo,” says Leonardo, swords already drawn and held loose at his sides, “what is it, Draxy?”

That is not his name, but because the situation is serious, he answers anyway. “You expect me to know? I’ve never seen anything like that before.”

“Come on, you’re our mystic guru! So get with the guruing!”

Draxum just gives him the look that the kids are coming to call his “not mad, just disappointed” face. He doesn’t have any more answers than he did two seconds ago. On the plus side, it doesn’t seem like anything is coming <i>out</i> of the dark swirly vortex, nor is anything getting sucked in. It’s just hanging there, in the sky over the Hidden City, menacingly.

“Doesn’t it feel familiar?” asks Michelangelo. Unlike Leonardo, he still hasn’t drawn any weapon. He’s just watching it, curious.

“I don’t remember the Krang portal looking like that,” says Donatello. “We could see the Prison Dimension on the other side. That’s just… an indistinct vortex of doom.”

“Not like the Krang,” says Michelangelo, but he doesn’t offer any further guesses. He just watches it with big eyes.

“But we gotta do somethin’ about it, right?” asks Raphael. “We can’t just leave it up there.”

“Well, if it’s not hurting anyone,” says Leonardo slowly.

“Just because it is not doing anything in this instant does not mean it will stay that way,” says Draxum.

“Yeah, yeah.” Leonardo slices through the air, a blue and less chaotic looking portal opening up. “Let’s check it out, Dee. Get some energy readings and all that nerd jazz. The rest of you, stay here in case it’s dangerous.”

“Oh, but it’s fine if it’s me,” says Donatello, but he steps up to the portal anyway. 

Draxum feels uneasy, because he doesn’t know what that thing is or what it will do, and because he doesn’t want the two of them going alone. “I’ll come with you,” he says, and when the kids give him a look, he quickly adds, “I may notice something that Donatello would miss.”

“I don’t <i>miss</i> things,” Donatello snaps back, but that’s factually untrue, so Draxum just grunts in response to it. 

“Sure, goatman cometh,” says Leonardo airily. “Let’s just go!”

Just to be sure nothing bad will happen, Draxum steps through first. The twins follow him.

They’re on a rooftop now, just under the vortex. Draxum had been expecting… something, but there are no threats, no signs of anything amiss. It’s a bit windy, and the vortex is making an ominous buzzing noise, but that’s all.

“Can you tell anything from here?” asks Leonardo, looking between the two of them. Donatello has his goggles down and a holoscreen up, incomprehensible numbers scrolling by at a fast pace. For his part, it seems the same to Draxum here as it did across town.

Donatello’s readings slow, and he raises the goggles again. 

“It’s… definitely massive, but I can’t tell much more than that. Though… I think Mikey was right. That it feels familiar.” He looks at his brother, something complicated in his expression. “Like we’ve seen something like this before.”

“I was afraid you’d say that,” says Leonardo, before turning his attention to Draxum. “How easy is it to make an interdimensional portal, anyway?”

Draxum snorts at this question. “For a pocket dimension, relatively simple. For an actual, separate world… Theoretically, it could be done, but it would take a massive amount of mystic energy and decades of experience. Especially if one does not have a mystical object to channel a portal through, like the key that was used for the Krang’s prison dimension.”

“But Mikey was able to do it,” Leonardo points out.

“Yes. And need I remind you it almost killed him.”

“You needn’t,” he snaps back. “I’m just saying… <i>if</i> it can be done, it really seems like someone’s trying it right now.” He still has his swords out, watching the vortex warily. “And what’re the odds that they’re coming here for a friendly visit?”

Draxum doesn’t argue there; he’s already treating whatever this is as hostile. Better to assume wrong and apologize later than to let down his guard and let one of his kids get hurt.

There’s the sound of footsteps behind them, and the three of them turn at once, startled. “Well, there’s Mikey,” Leonardo is already saying in a resigned sort of way, like he knew Michelangelo would join them before he gave the command.

“Sorry, Leo,” says Raphael, landing with heavier tread on the rooftop just behind Michelangelo. “He gave me the slip.”

“Guys, it’s fine!” Michelangelo argues, in that tone he uses when he feels like he’s being babied. “I’m telling you, whatever’s making that portal isn’t here to hurt us.”

“And you know this based on what evidence?” asks Donatello.

“It’s a feeling!”

“Ah yes, feelings, how quantifiable.”

“Well <i>you</i> don’t have any evidence it’s evil either, Donald!” Michelangelo retorts.

Draxum is about to step into the middle of this quarrel when Leonardo stops it for him.

“Guess we’re about to find out who’s right,” he says, eyes locked on something above them, and Draxum looks up just in time to see that there’s <i>movement</i> coming from the vortex now. “Dee, take Raph; Miguel, you’re with me.”

“Wait, guys, we should just-” Michelangelo tries again, but a shimmering blue portal under his feet stops him. Leonardo and Michelangelo reappear in the sky above, Leonardo using his portals to stay airborne while Michelangelo catches himself with his mystic powers. There’s the roar of a jet, and then Donnie is after them, his shimmering mystic tech carrying himself with Raphael dangling underneath.

And of course they’ve left him on the roof. Draxum sighs. <i>Children</i>.

He pops several vines on the roof and uses them to propel himself skyward, eyes searching for what has come through the portal, if that’s what it is. It’s difficult to see against the black coloration, but the boys seem to have gathered under a figure in a dark cloak, who emerges slowly from the middle of the vortex. It seems to cling to them like dark, black ink, the mystic energy drawing out behind them in long, gooey ropes. 

Draxum knows he is still many meters away, but even still, he doesn’t think the figure is very large. It’s a surprise, given that the vortex itself is at least fifteen or more meters across, but the figure coming out is short and slight, not even as big as Michelangelo. Of course, that doesn’t mean much; plenty of yokai are small statured naturally, as are some humans. Even Lou Jitsu is small, now, but still mighty. He can’t let the size of the person put him off guard, especially when they have summoned such massive mystic energy.

“Hey!” cries out Michelangelo. “Can we talk to you!?”

The figure in the cloak seems to startle at being addressed. For a moment, they hang in the air, the ropey energy of the vortex growing thicker on their arms and legs. Almost like it’s trying to pull them back.

The figure seems to realize this, too, because they jerk forward and raise their arms in a panicked arc.

Fire comes out - dark flames with incandescent blue cores that Draxum knows are hotter than any normal flame. If the boys are struck, the damage will be severe. Thankfully, Michelangelo yelps and whirls aside before he can be burned.

“I don’t think they’re interested in talking!” calls Donatello.

“That’s alright,” yells Raphael, his ninpo lighting his body red, “because <i>I’m</i> interested in smashing!”

The midair fight begins in earnest now, the boys darting around the figure with their weapons drawn, even Michelangelo. The cloaked figure fights back with the flames, dark and so hot that as Draxum’s vines carry him closer, he can feel the heat coming off of them. Yet, despite the intensity of the attacks, Draxum notices that they are unwieldy and unpracticed, like the wielder has no real experience in fighting, and certainly not midair against so many opponents. Add to that, the strange, inklike properties of the still-spinning vortex seem to be actively trying to pull the figure back; each time they make progress, the moment their attention is drawn by one of the boys, they’re yanked back another few feet.

Draxum sprouts a few more vines off his main one, so that he can move more freely. Aerial combat has never been his forte, but he can make it work. So long as none of those desperate fire attacks burn through his vines and send him tumbling to the ground (he can only hope, in that event, that one of the twins notices him). 

The cloaked figure is still attacking wildly, and the boys have to move fast to keep out of the way. It’s easier for Michelangelo and Donatello, who can stay airborne indefinitely; Leonardo, meanwhile, has to use his portals to catch himself and Raphael periodically, portalling them back to the sky or giving them a portal to ground to launch off of. This leaves them open to attack.

Draxum couldn’t have made it in time if he’d wanted to, but in the moment he isn’t thinking he has to.

One of the unfocused black flames strikes Raphael; his ninpo projection protects him from being harmed, but he still lets out a gasp of surprise as it burns rapidly through the ninpo itself, leaving him exposed. Donatello swoops in to catch him before he can fall, and all the boys hang back for a moment, stunned by this development.

“What was <i>that</i>!?” Leonardo calls out, portaling above Donatello and landing on his constructed battleshell (Donatello says, “Oof!” loudly, but doesn’t throw him off). “It just burned through Raph’s shield like it was tissue paper!”

“Augh… that felt… weird.” Raphael is rubbing at his temple with his fingers. “Raph did not like that.”

“Alright, clearly this guy is dangerous.” Leonardo is tense, eyes focused as he watches the cloaked figure yank free of the stringy ropes of magic from the vortex, coming closer. “But see how the portal’s trying to pull them back in? We just gotta get them close enough and send ‘em back where they came from.”

He glances over at Michelangelo. Draxum looks, too. The boy’s brow is creased, like he isn’t happy with this outcome, but his eyes are focused on Raphael.

“...Yeah,” he says finally, and gives his nunchucks a swing. They light up with his orange ninpo, the bright fire a stark contrast to their enemy’s dark flames. “Let’s send ‘em back!”

The boys spring back into action, and Draxum follows suit, his vines carrying him up, closer to the vortex. Now he can feel more of the thing’s power directly, a great gusting wind that pulls rather than pushes. He hangs back from the direct fighting and instead watches the boys closely, should he need to intervene the way he hadn’t for Raphael. If the fire can eat through their ninpo, then any of them being struck would be disastrous - especially if one of the others could not catch them in time.

The kids are succeeding in their gambit to push the figure back towards the vortex, but that means they are also increasingly putting themselves in range of its dangerous reach. The ropey strands of dark mystic energy reach out like hungry tendrils, latching onto scales before being cut or shaken off. Leonardo has all but abandoned the fight against the figure and instead puts his efforts into slicing the strands apart any time they touch one of his brothers, either directly with his katana or with a well placed portal. He leaves the strands that attach themselves to the mysterious person, and they wrap more firmly around the legs, arms, and neck of the one in the cloak.

And that’s when they finally speak.

“No!” they cry out, in a voice unmistakably juvenile. “No, please! I just want to escape - don’t make me go back!”

Michelangelo stops short, bobbing uncertainly only a few meters from the screaming figure (a boy, Draxum thinks, but cannot be sure). “Guys,” he says hesitantly, lowering his weapons. “I really think we should-”

Whatever he was about to say is interrupted by a burst of flames from the cloaked boy’s hands, spiraling directly towards him.

“MIKEY!” shout several voices at once; Draxum only realizes a beat later that one of them is his. He’s the closest, and he moves fast, putting himself and a wall of vines between the flames and his son.

The flames make such short work of the vines, it’s almost comical. Draxum watches as the fire races down the towering stalk he’s made, eating them away and leaving nothing behind, not even ashes. The vine Draxum was standing on is, of course, completely obliterated, and he feels the swoop in his stomach as gravity starts its relentless pull.

“Dad!” he hears Michelangelo call out. The boy reaches a hand toward them, and in his panic Draxum reaches back. They are only a few meters from each other, and then less and then less, fingers almost touching-

But it is something else that grabs him first.

The vortex’s dark energy feels disgusting and slimy where it touches Draxum’s fur, like a leech pulled from some noxious bog. Its tug is ferociously strong, and he realizes that if Leonardo had not been quick, if the magic had wrapped around any of his brothers’ limbs the way it’s wrapped around Draxum’s arm, disentangling them would have taken massive effort. As it’s going to take to free him now.

There’s a yank, and he’s ripped away from Michelangelo and towards the vortex.

“No!” screeches the cloaked boy, and sputtering flames spill out around him, forcing the turtles back before they can move in to rescue him. “No! Get away! Leave me alone!”

“Gladly!” Draxum shouts back, ripping and yanking to try and free his arm. “Just close this foolish portal and go back where you came from!”

“I <i>can’t</i>!” the boy screams, and he sounds so wretched, Draxum almost feels some sympathy for him. “I can’t! I can’t!”

“You must!” Draxum argues, because he can tell. The energy has wrapped too securely around the cloaked boy now; there will be no freeing him. The portal he made is impressive, <i>especially</i> as young as he sounds, but it is not complete. He could not be severed from it, even if they tried to help. In fact, if they fully pulled him from the vortex, it would likely kill the child.

No; he must go back. But… is there still time for Draxum?

“Barry!” he hears the boys call out. They try to get close, but another burst of searing heat from the panicked boy in the vortex keeps them from advancing. More of the stringy ropes of magic are wrapping around Draxum now, on his arms, his torso, his legs. His neck. They yank him back, hard, and he gasps as the air leaves his lungs. The mystic energy slithers over him like a living creature, wrapping him up more and more securely in its snare.

It seems… there is not.

“<i>NO</i>!” screams the cloaked boy, one last panicked, desperate cry, but then his voice is abruptly silenced. There’s a roaring noise, incomprehensibly loud, and Draxum faintly wonders if this is how it sounds when a star collapses in on itself.

The last thing he sees as the portal closes around him is Michelangelo’s face, eyes wide and afraid, mouth open in a shout, hand outstretched as far as it can go.

And then all is dark.

…

When Draxum wakes, he’s laying on the ground in an alley in the Hidden City.

He feels a flash of <i>something</i> markedly unpleasant when he realizes he’s alone: sadness, betrayal, perhaps even, Titan forbid, <i>loneliness</i>. It seems the boys have left him to his fate and gone home.

Then he remembers the portal, and Donatello and Michelangelo’s guess that it was interdimensional. It’s likely the boys don’t know where he is. It’s possible he’s not even in the same time.

Or the same world at all.

Disturbing as that thought is, the part of the Hidden City he can see from his vantage point seems familiar enough. He recognizes this as a part of the old downtown, not far from where he and the kids had been fighting the cloaked boy. Even if this isn’t his time, at least he should still be able to navigate - that makes things easier.

He gets to his feet, shaking the soreness out of his limbs. He hears something pop, and is suddenly immensely glad the boys aren’t here after all. He’d rather not endure another round of teasing for being “old”.

The Hidden City he travels through seems largely the same as the one he left, to a degree that he starts to wonder if it wasn’t an interdimensional portal after all. If it was, the dimension he’s in now seems to have only slight variations.

Or that’s what he thinks, until he makes it to the nearest portal back to New York City.

There’s a checkpoint set up in front of it, one that didn’t exist here before. There are guards standing sentinel, ushering through a line of yokai and occasionally asking questions. They don’t seem hostile to the yokai, but it does seem like precautions need to be taken for… some reason.

More startling to Draxum are the crests that adorn banners hung around the checkpoint, matching emblems blazed on the uniforms of the officers.

His family’s crest.

It seems this dimension is quite different after all.

[methoughtsphantom]

silly headcannon #2 that Bruce never got the reference that Jason always made of himself being short round (he always thought it was Jason saying he was short) until after he died and Tim, avid Indiana Jones fan made Bruce watch the movies with him, only the man breaks out crying., sobbing, full on breaking down over the two second scene that is Indy ruffling Short Round’s hair as he explains they first met when he caught the kid stealing from him, and then took him under his wing.

[gothteddiesdotcom]

Awwwee when is your anniversary with Meatz??

Mid November! Tbh we don’t have like…a set anniversary in the sense that we have a date where we officially became a thing??? I had been domming them for a month or two before I asked them out and they turned me down at first after thinking about it 🫶🏻 but then we just kinda…kept interacting romantically and I kept domming them and I went to go visit them for the first time irl a few months later! And that was when we were like “Oh shit we definitely are an official thing when did this happen.”