#I don’t know if I should tag as spoilers so I will
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Let’s address the situation
Recently an anonymous reddit/twitter user has accused me of being a stalker of dan and phil because of the way this blog is run.
So, let’s talk about it.
Let’s start with the absolute facts: I have never posted anything to this blog that wasn’t public information.
1. I have never doxxed the location of the tour bus.
Things i have posted about the tour bus: a photo from a crew member where the bus company was visible, a story that Kelly posted that was location tagged to a road in the middle of nowhere showing that dan and phil weren’t in vegas on oct 19.
Reasons why I don’t believe this to be wrong: Any of you who have waited at stage door can see the company is written on the bus, it is not confidential information, knowing the bus companies name does not give you any personal information about dan and phil. As for the location tag, it was in the middle of nowhere, they were already in their next location when it was posted, I was not the first person to post this story, i only posted it cos It was already all over twitter. (however this is the only story i’ve posted that i will gladly take criticism for despite my justifications)
2. I have only posted stories from 2 crew members: Kelly and Sarah. These are public instagram accounts. I only post their stories that are related to the tour itself. I am not the only person and I was not the first person to post these stories anywhere. I have never posted anything from any crew who have private accounts because 1) i can’t see that content cos I obviously do not follow those accounts and 2) i don’t post private information, it’s private for a reason.
I did not seek out the crew accounts, i didn’t not look for them myself, i only knew what they were because multiple people had already been posting the stories from the accounts way before me on both twitter and tumblr. Both these people know phannies follow them on instagram, they’re not going to post anything with information they don’t want you to know.
Despite my justifications, from now on I will be cropping out the usernames of these crew members who do share stuff publicly and in captions i will only be referring to them as crew.
3. Audio Recordings.
First disclaimer: I have never encouraged video recording of the show! I think that it’s distracting to dan and phil and i really think you should be living in the moment when you see this show. There is a reason we have never posted videos of the show on this blog even in our spoiler tag. I believe audio recording to be more harmless because you can just put your phone out of the way and it’s distracting no one at all.
The concept of sharing audio recordings of the show were not my idea, this started on the european leg of the tour by people on twitter, If you look back at the recordings i have posted you’ll see that all the europe audios (apart from antwerp) do not link to our google drive. I did decide to carry this on during the American leg.
I have never forced anyone to do this, I have only approached 1 person directly to see if they could record. The rest were all volunteers who saw my posts asking if anyone would do it and they all came to me on their own accord.
I very much understand the criticism on audio recording shows, however I want to look at this from not only a preservation effort but also as a way to make this show accessible to people who might for whatever reason not be able to attend as well as it being a way for you to go and listen to the show you attend again if you wanted to.
This being said I am no longer going to ask for specific shows and instead say that if you just happen to audio record a show and would be willing to let me post it then you can message me (@danrifics ) and i will post it. (this goes for the australian leg and the UK leg too) I will also at the end of the tour make a post with what’s missing and we’ll see if anyone recorded or not.
Finally I want to thank everyone for their continued support of the blog and its archiving efforts and I hope you all stick with me while we change things a little bit and I look forward to continuing to share content with you all and I can’t wait to reveal a few blog pages we’ve been working on!
- Bethanie
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WARNING: Mouthwashing spoilers ahead?? it is a psychological horror game so there is a bit of blood and gore, themes of suicide, cannibalism, all that. So be sure to read the content warnings if you haven’t heard of it before but decide to check it out!
Anyways. I introduce milgramwashing. because I fell down the rabbit hole and loved the complex storytelling and horrific situations of the original game. HOWEVER, for this AU, it definitely will be a different sort of storyline because while I appreciate the hard subject matter Mouthwashing tackles, I don’t feel comfortable putting any of the milgram cast in those positions.. I do love to point out parallels, though, and things will definitely still go terribly wrong.
Just imagine they’re a different branch, a different ship, on the Pony Express— or should I say, the Jackalope Express?
(1) I was torn between making the MILGRAM (replacing Tulpar) just a delivery crew like the OG, or a ship carrying prisoners, closer to MILGRAM. Or prisoners who become a crew after an emergency happens and Es can’t handle it on their own. 🤷 None of this explains putting Es, a 15 year old in charge. Were they a child pilot prodigy? A nepo baby? Who knows. But they are Captain Es.
(2) Next is Yuno, the first one I drew so she’s in color! She’s a psychology intern, just learning the ropes, tagging along because she needs money to provide for her parent and little bro. Also she’s under a false name since idk how legal her side job was in the mouthwashing universe. The Anya parallels are… quite real, though in this case she would’ve gotten pregnant from her clients like in MILGRAM but before she got on the ship, and only realizing later, and then it becomes a whole situation. She becomes an assistant nurse to Shidou after the crash happens.
(3) Fuuta! I think he shares in Swansea’s grumpiness, and it does make sense for him to be an electric engineer or hacker due to his focus in tech. cough. not always for noble means. Haruka will be his intern he has to deal with—though he isn’t middle aged, I think a mentor/older brother and younger brother dynamic mirroring Swansea and Daisuke could be fun and tragic for them. Also Kotoko definitely slices him in the eye. I don’t know why or how, I just feel like it fits pretty well.
(4) As said before, Haruka is another intern without much experience, sent into space because his mother didn’t want to deal with him anymore. Harsh. Meanwhile, after her incident at her school, Muu’s parents paid big money to cover it up then shoehorn her into an “internship” where the authorities can’t get her. She gets the nicest room on the spaceship.
(5) Kazui! The muscle of the group, originally I gave him captain or pilot since he really does give Curly vibes (means well, hurts the women in his life anyways through inaction/telling the truth/lying) and he also has a mid life crisis. then all this happens. I’d imagine he’s fairly level headed and would’ve intervened in the Kotoko incident and the Crash. (Related somehow? I don’t know, I didn’t think the lore all the way through) Not fast enough to spare Mahiru, though… Mikoto is not an intern, but a very stressed mouthwashing sales representative part of the advertising sector. His job still sucks. He’s due for a breakdown at any moment. John was always there, but he probably comes out more during great times of stress, like the Crash. Maybe he’s partly responsible, trying to defend from Kotoko or something. In no way people are letting Amane onto the ship willingly so I made her a stowaway fleeing her conditions under the religious organization after she murdered her mom. She sneaks into a shipment of mouthwash or something idk. Shidou is doctor but in space. I imagine his family passed in a terrible, terrible accident and he did lots of medicine malpractice still.
(6) Finally, Kotoko and Mahiru. Kotoko needs to use that axe, it fits too well.. I do think the Crash, just like Trial 2, is a turning point, so she probably has some hand in the Crash as well, if not purposely then it might be from swinging that around recklessly. She still looks cool doing it, though! And Mahiru. I imagine she pulled a legally blonde and followed in her boyfriend’s footsteps to become a pilot. After he passed, she continued her schooling and ended up as co-pilot on MILGRAM. Tried to stop the ship from crashing from the asteroid, and got caught in the blast zone… I’m sorry Mahiru it’s just you’re the only one with many bandages as a character design element 😭 and it made too much sense 😭😖 I think she’s still cute though. I gave her Daisuke’s hibiscuses since I like that imagery
#milgram au#milgram x mouthwashing#mouthwashing crossover#milgram#mouthwashing#don’t wanna clog the tag of the other fandom so I’ll just do it once#milgram fanart#milgram project#milgram art#cw blood#cw: gore#haruka sakurai#yuno kashiki#fuuta kajiyama#muu kusunoki#shidou kirisaki#mahiru shiina#kazui mukuhara#amane momose#mikoto kayano#kotoko yuzuriha#es milgram#jackalope milgram#all of em
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Swan song
Professor Viktor x TA Reader
[PART 1]。 ゚☾ ゚。⋆[PART 2] ⋆。゚☁︎。⋆[PART 3] (coming soon)
⋆。゚☁︎。⋆[AO3 link] ⋆。 ゚☾ ゚。
Summary: You’re a bright phD student who won’t shy away from a challenge. Getting the most notorious professor at the University of Piltover to hire you as his assistant is one of them.
Tags: Modern AU, SFW (for now…), DILF professor Viktor, who delights in being a bit of a dick, and becomes even more mean on bad pain days, and who is constantly insufferably rightfully smug, Smart & competent reader being reduced to a wolf with heart eyes going AWOOOGA when they lay eyes on Viktor.
Word count: 7.8k
Notice: This fic is written with a transmasculine reader in mind, but that won’t come into play at all until the final third chapter of this mini-series.
Notes: 1. Shoutout to my beloved buddies for helping me with this fic, AND the banner. You guys know who you are. 2. I hope you enjoy this very self indulgent piece about my take on Viktor as a professor in a modern AU. Keep in mind that this work is entirely spoiler free. Although it will be posted over the upcoming three weeks as arcane season two drops, I had no information about any of the leaks whatsoever as I wrote this, and did my utmost to avoid them. This iteration of Viktor was written with his season one character traits as a base in mind. 3. The science Viktor and reader talk about in depth in this fic is entirely made up and definitely falls apart under scrutiny. Don’t look too hard. Yes, I made up an entire hextech based scientific field specifically so I could carnally have this old man.
You know exactly what to expect from someone like Professor Viktor Sidorov-Svoboda.
You’ve done your homework on the man: interviewed colleagues who’d taken his lectures as undergrads (scary — but great at his job had been the general consensus), and checked his ratemyprofessor profile. Which, by the way, had been a terrific read.
Dr Sidorov-Svoboda is a very polarizing man, it seems. Reviews were either raving about his cogency, or saying they’d drive to his lecture without wearing a seatbelt in the hopes that death would take them before Sidorov did. There seemed to be no in-between, other than one review calling him a total DILF and rating him five out of five for that alone.
You digress. All sources had gotten across more than enough for you to understand what you were going to face once you’d step into his office: brilliant, tenured, independent, a no-nonsense attitude, and with a spotless track record of turning down TAs.
Which you’re here to change — the last part, that is.
It’s not exactly a guilt-free affair. Dr Heimerdinger — the dean himself — had personally reached out to you, and requested you try to convince Sidorov-Svoboda to accept you as his TA. Should you succeed, you would be offered a generous wage.
That, along with the fact that Sidorov’s name is going to pretty up your CV something fierce if you somehow land this job, is reason enough to make you at the very least give it a go.
With a fortifying breath, you rap your knuckles on the oakwood of his office door.
“Yes?” A heavy accent makes itself known on they.
You wait to see if he’ll open — five seconds pass — he doesn’t.
Rude.
You take that as your cue to push the door open yourself.
Nothing could have prepared you for the man whose cat-like eyes pierce you from above rectangular silver reading glasses. He hadn’t even bothered lifting his head from what he’d been reading through; and when he finally does grant you the gift of being looked at, wholly, it feels the same way as having a painting stare back at you. In the back of your mind, you swear you can hear the horns of an orchestra blaring into a crescendo.
His gaze pierces you, in a way that borders on literal. It’s undressing — less erotic, and more terrifying, as a consequence of nakedness, of being read. Professor Sidorov-Svoboda looks at you with a kind of disinterest that screams I have you figured out, and it’s punching your heart down into your stomach in a lovely, terrible way.
The lines of his face are lovingly crafted. Dark shadows under hollow cheeks, golden eyes under strong brows, there’s something intrinsically statuesque about his face. You’d expect to look at something akin to Sidorov-Svoboda in a museum, carved in marble, not in one of the dusty offices at your university.
He cocks his head, exposing a long, swan-like neck dotted with beauty marks, as he waits for you to regain your wits. Which you do, before any of this crosses the threshold between awkward and downright embarrassing.
“Hello, doctor,” you finally manage. “My name is (y/n) (l/n), theoretical arcanism department, phD student. I was… hoping we could discuss a position as your TA.”
He cocks a brow, thoroughly unimpressed, before he slides his glasses off his face. He even takes a sip of his lukewarm coffee, deliberately slow in swallowing it, before he finally speaks.
“I believe you should already be familiar with the fact that I do not take assistants.” Sidorov leans forward in his chair a fraction, still poring over his book, and there is a marked pop in one of his joints that sounds nothing short of painful. He seems hardly bothered by it.
“I am,” you reply. “Which is why I am here in the hopes of changing your mind.”
That finally makes him look at you properly again. It’s a delight. You wish you could savor it, instead of desperately trying to keep your wits about you.
“And why would you want to do that?”
The answer to that question has changed substantially since you’d first stepped foot into his office.
But you’re fortunately not stupid enough to tell him that.
“Your name is worth gold in the community, doctor. I would like it on my resume.”
He picks up his pen, squinting as he scribbles something in his book, before he hums with disinterest.
“Mm. I heard doctor Pididdly takes more kindly to flattery.” He brushes a grey strand of hair from his face, clicking his pen as he simply lets you stew in your own embarrassment and focuses on whatever he’s reading. When he speaks again, he does not award you the honor of feigning the smallest hint of interest. “And you can send doctor Heimerdinger my regards. Let him know I am still not looking for an assistant.”
He has you figured out, and it’s making you feel dumber than any advanced class has ever had the honor of doing.
“The dean? I haven’t spoken to him since—“
“Since last year, when you took his theoretical arcane force fields class? Or was it since he explicitly asked you to come to my office with this proposition?”
You’re not the only one who’s done their research on the other. Though it’s painfully clear that he was much more thorough in his pursuit.
“I’m… sorry.”
“For wasting both our time? You should be.” He does dignify you with one glance, and even sets his pen down, as he bids you goodbye.
—
You’re fortunately not a sore loser. The money and resume addition would have been nice, yes, but you suppose they still would not have made up for working with someone as sharp and cutting as Svoboda.
You’ll gladly take the loss. And you are.
He’s long gone from the front of your mind, though something about him — his gaze, his face, his voice — lingers and shrouds the back of your brain with a tempting distraction from your thesis.
The last thing you expect as you’re burning your retinas staring at the blue light of your laptop screen leafing through the countless open tabs on your laptop is a notification. It startles you out of your skin, the red dot next to the university portal app’s icon.
Still, more curious than nervous about who could be messaging you at 11pm on a Saturday, you click.
Dr. Prof. Viktor Sidorov-Svboda
Good evening. Please come see me in my office on Monday. I would like to discuss the arrangements of your future employment as my assistant. Let me know what time would work best for you, within the limitations of my office hours.
11:32
…What?
You wonder what swayed his mind in your ultimate favor after you’d embarrassed yourself quite so thoroughly this week. But you're not about to complain — you more than certainly need the money, and his name on your resume.
Whatever turned the odds in your favor, you’re ever-grateful. And as much as you hate to admit it, you do double-check the message to make sure it’s actually real.
Me
Thank you for this opportunity, professor. I’m looking forward to working as your assistant, as well as broadening my knowledge and skills. Would 1 PM work for you?
11:34
Dr. Prof. Viktor Sidorov-Svboda
Yes. That should be fine.
11:34
You think you should leave it at that. You know you should. But… you’re curious. You really hope this doesn’t cost you the job offer you’ve just received.
Me
May I ask what swayed your decision?
11:37
Dr. Prof. Viktor Sidorov-Svboda
You may not. Good night.
11:37
So much for that.
—
You knock, but this time you don’t wait after being greeted with a yes? from behind his imposing office door.
“Hello, Professor Sidorov-Svoboda.”
You’re greeted with the distinctive smell of chicken stock and vegetables wafting from his office as you step in — a sore reminder of the fact that you’ve yet to procure lunch. Whatever he’s been eating, it smells tremendous.
His thermos squeaks as he screws it shut and sets it on the corner of his desk, gesturing for you to have a seat.
“Hello.” The faux velvet seat creaks awkwardly below you. “Thank you for your punctuality. I won’t take up too much of your time — we’ll discuss any questions you might have in further detail, but, to, eh… save us time, I’ve compiled a list of your responsibilities, and some personal preferences regarding grading papers I expect you to take into consideration when you do so.”
As he explains, you take a moment to take in his office. You certainly hadn’t gotten to it last time.
It’s mainly tidy, save for his large desk, which is littered with papers, a sudoku magazine, a disposable coffee cup from the campus cafe (though the cup is tall, roughly fit for a latte, if you had to guess… hm) and his dark blue, slightly beat-up thermos. Upon closer inspection, there’s a sticker on the cap.
It’s a small thing, worn like the rest of it, but the colours are unmistakable. Baby blue, pink, white — five stripes.
As a million questions and half a million answers start flashing through your head, the rustle of paper snaps you out of your thoughts.
There’s something analytical and vaguely, barely amused about how he looks at you when he slides the list across the table to you.
Contrary to what you expect, it’s not long. His main demand is grading papers, which isn’t your preferred kind of labor, but labor you will chew through, no less.
“I expect fairness when you grade,” he clarifies. “Contrary to what some students like to say, I grade papers with utmost integrity. I am not lenient, yes, but I am not absurd, either. You will find further guidelines on how to strike that, eh… balance yourself on the list I’ve made. And don’t hesitate to ask, should any uncertainties arise when you grade.”
“Fortunately, it’s applied arcanism,” you reply. “Not much room for… uncertainties, I’d expect.”
“You would be surprised.”
Viktor gives a knowing smile. Something about the placement of his mole right above the corner of his mouth, where his chapped, pale lips thin out, has your vision tunneling. You damn near startle when he starts talking again — good god, you need to get your act together.
“I will direct students’ questions to you, from now on. Should you not have an answer, you are welcome to contact me — but keep it to a minimum. Especially since applied arcanism is, as you seem to think, such an easy topic. As for lectures, you may attend, but it isn’t something I’ll be expecting from you. You teaching said lectures does not come into question. I have standards — high ones. If anyone is to take over, it will be someone whom I am certain is qualified for the job, not a phD student.”
“I am still prepared to,” you say. “Should the opportunity… present itself.”
“It most likely won’t.” With that, he straightens his back out in his seat, cracking the knuckle of his right thumb as he leans back in thought, going over his mental list. “Do you have any questions for me?”
His little smirk is magnetic, crows feet near his eyes creasing ever so slightly deeper as the corners of his lips rise. One of his dark brows lifts gently in a display of smugness that leaves you braindead enough to nearly miss the entirety of his next sentence. “Other than the one from Saturday night?”
Oh, damn him. Damn him.
And, as a matter of fact, you have about ten more. But none of them are even close to appropriate to ask — not now, or ever.
“No,” you lie. It somehow feels like he can see right through it.
“Very well. Thank you for your time.”
You thank him too. You’re not sure what for — his sudden generosity to offer you this position, or simply for the fact that he looked so pretty while he talked.
—
You, by now, know what optional really means in academia. Above all else, it’s meant to be an abstract line that separates two distinct groups: those who put in the extra effort, and slackers.
You don’t want Sidorov-Svoboda to know you as the latter.
Which is why you get a hold of his lecture schedule from Heimerdinger on the very same Monday afternoon, and plan on attending every single one of them that doesn’t overlap with something else in your schedule. Until he either outright tells you to stop, or until your contract as his assistant ends.
Much to your surprise, most of his lectures, save for Wednesdays and one on Fridays, do fit into your schedule as well.
On Tuesday, you are thirty minutes early waiting outside his office door.
And, as much as it shouldn’t be, it is a little funny how he startles when he groggily wobbles out of his office, keys in hand, and a cane in the other.
It’s a gorgeously designed thing; so much so it has you (stupidly) guessing it’s strictly in use for aesthetics the moment you first see it. It’s made of sturdy wood, with a dark finish and golden details down the length of it. The wood on the handle has gone light and matte with use.
But judging by how he leans on it as he numbly turns to lock the door of his office behind himself while he greets you leads to a different conclusion. And the stagger in his stride as he approaches you only confirms that he does, in fact, need it.
“Good morning, doctor Si—“
He raises his free hand slowly, like it’s heavy with fatigue. It’s enough to shut you up.
“Viktor,” he says. “Please. Just call me Viktor, from now on.” He pauses, looking you up and down with a fatigued sort of near-jealousy, before he shakes his head. “Why… are you here at seven thirty in the morning?”
“I want to attend your lectures.”
He sighs.
“And you picked the one at this hour?”
“Yes.”
“Hm.” You can’t quite tell if he’s displeased or if he’s just really tired.
“Rough morning?” You ask.
“Aren’t they all…”
It certainly isn’t your intention to let it become a habit — you’re his assistant, not his secretary, but you’ve learned that sucking up does get you forward in academia more often than not, so you offer: “Would you like me to get you some coffee?”
“I am getting myself coffee.” He attempts to stifle a yawn, but does not succeed. “But I would like you to accompany me.”
Your heart flutters. You tell yourself it’s because you’re getting coffee with one of the fathers of applied arcanism.
—
“A french vanilla latte, please. Under the name “A french vanilla latte, please. Under the name Viktor.”
Before you get to mentally clap yourself on the back and imagine a round of applause for your keen eye, you have to focus on not making a fool of yourself when you say your own order. The professor thankfully takes mercy on you, and leaves to take a seat at one of the tables — though probably for his own sake, rather than to spare you any embarrassment.
You decide the polite thing would be to keep him company as you wait for your orders. Reluctantly, you approach the table he’s picked, and, after a moment’s hesitation, pull out a chair for yourself.
“Professor Heimerdinger spoke quite highly of you.”
It startles you, the sound of his voice interrupting the lull of the clanking of dishes and hissing of steam and hum of the espresso machines.
“Oh. I appreciate that he did.”
“Hm.” For how blasé he’d acted until this very moment, it seems like you’ve said something that’s piqued his interest utterly. He hunches forward a hint, entwining his long, bony fingers over the top of the cane between his thin thighs. “You don’t seem very surprised.”
Uh oh.
“I’m sorry if it seemed that way, really, it’s not that I’m not flattered, professor—“
“Viktor,” he interrupts. “And you needn’t be. I do not care for, ah… false humility.”
Oh?
“False humility?” You question.
“A mark of someone either too self-conscious to accept a well deserved compliment, or desperate for one.” He pauses, looking for… something in your expression. You can’t tell if he finds it, but you know his gaze feels cold, like being prodded at with a nitrile glove. “I prefer working with people who are capable of appreciating their own effort. It’s good to know you are one of them.”
There’s warmth that seeps through the metaphorical glove, sterile as it is. It feels good to be acknowledged by the likes of him, who’d been so ruthless to figuratively knock your feet out from below you just days ago. He must have done his research on you, must have asked around, read around, figured out — just like you had done to him.
Curiosity eats at you.
“Well… what else do you know, pr— Viktor?”
His eyes rest on you like you’re a particularly tricky equation. One he knows will yield a pretty result. Being looked at by him is electric, like squeezing an unstabilized hexgem in your fist so the current courses through you, tingling.
“Don’t get cocky.” He smiles, he actually smiles, and it frays the space-time continuum just how much it youthens him. Salt and pepper hair and crow’s feet and frown lines be damned; as you watch the tip of his snaggle canine poke out from beneath his top lip, it becomes evidently clear that you are standing face to face with the man who stole illegal equipment to prove a point, the man who worked with highly explosive material for years to birth the very foundation of his scientific domain. “It is most certainly a good look on you, but it won’t bring you too far. You can ask Doctor Talis, I believe he should have a doctorate in arrogance by now.”
Is he…?
“French vanilla latte for Viktor!”
—
Listening to him teach might as well count as hypnosis.
When Viktor steps into the room, silence ensues gently, gradually. He’s not feared by any means, but he is respected. By the time he reaches the teacher’s desk and pulls out the chair from under it, the class has gone fully silent.
He sets it by the blackboard, then, slowly, bracing himself on both his cane and the backrest of it, takes a seat.
“Good morning.” He positions his cane between his thighs, clearing his throat with… perhaps almost a hint of awkwardness. “Alright. Before we begin today’s lecture, there has been a small change that everyone should be made aware of. This is my new assistant, (y/n) (l/n), and they will be joining us today. You will be addressing all questions you encounter outside of my lectures to them, from now on.”
Whispers spread across the amphitheater like wildfire.
“Now,” just like that, when his voice sounds out again, most of the chatter dies out, “today we’ll be discussing Holloran’s equation, and its applications in arcanistic techmaturgy.”
It’s magical, the command he has over the room. Viktor is a meager man, especially with the backdrop of such an imposing room. The high ceiling dwarfs him, and yet, there doesn’t seem to be a single atom in the room that doesn’t move the way he wants it to.
You’d known Viktor to be an eloquent man — you’d experienced it at your own detriment — but this beats your expectations. His explanations are enticing, he uses his words like breadcrumbs, leaves them tactfully, just enough to guide you to the conclusions he wants you to draw.
You’d never found so much satisfaction in simply listening. In spite of knowing full well the intricacies of what he is discussing, you let his voice envelop you, you follow him where he takes you.
“Now that we’ve established how Holloran’s equation exponentially heightens the energy output of Hexcrystals without disrupting the LHC — the laminal hexeon cascade — as I’m sure some of you may be wondering, how do the basic principles play into it? Any guesses?”
The class falls silent. You would give anything to be among the students right now, raising your hand to enounce the right answer. To have him looking at you like you’re bright.
You await with bated breath to see who in the crowd of focused frowns and scribbling pencils will dare speak first.
“Wouldn’t the caveat be that Talis’ fourth principle states that 30% of the energy output is converted into heat?” A young woman in the audience attempts. “Holloran’s equation operates based on the notion that the crystal is at a constant temperature.”
“Precisely. Very good,” Viktor praises. Excited, he turns to the blackboard. “Right here…” he underlines the equation, “is where Morichi’s constant comes into play…”
But you’ve long lost him.
The words twist in your head, turning into something sultry and intimate.
Precisely.
Very good.
Right here.
You find yourself staring at the groove of his pale neck, where it swoops into the line of his shoulder, hidden beneath the collar of a dress shirt and a brown wool vest.
You wonder what it’d smell like, to tuck your face in there. To have the pulse of his neck thrumming on your lips, to mouth at the mole on his jaw when he tilts his head for you, willing.
You wonder how many more are below the collar of his shirt. Dotted line on a treasure map, to guide your touch, your kiss, your tongue. Use them where he needs them, use them where his skin begs you to. Use them until his tired spine bows, use them until tattered joins are oiled with pleasure—
What is wrong with you?
—
Viktor disappears after his lecture. You hope he’d grace you with another conversation, another smile, something, but he is gone surprisingly fast. He bids you goodbye once his lecture is over, telling you he has matters to attend to, and that is that.
Overall, it’s an uneventful day otherwise. A few students end up messaging you, most with questions on what Viktor had taught that day. Others nitpicking what would and would not be a part of the upcoming midterm (whom you simply dryly referred to the syllabus). Two people, however, did message you to ask you how you’d landed the job.
You’d ignored them.
On Wednesday, you see none of him. You drop by his office after class, but there is no response to your knock, and the door is locked. He must have gone home.
On Thursday, you wait for him outside his office thirty minutes early for his 3PM lecture, but he doesn’t show. So you decide to go straight to the amphitheater, and do find him there.
He looks worn. No less graceful than the last time you’d seen him, but his cane has been ditched in the favor of a crutch that’s tucked under his arm. The creases in his checkered dress shirt and face seem deeper now, the pale indigo under his eyes is richer, darker.
He gives you nothing more than a curt greeting before class commences.
And yet, he never blunders. Never loses himself, his diction is as concise as the day you’d first met him, carrying himself with the grace of a swan as he talks and his chalk glides over the board. But his numbers slant, the loops on his letters are looser, the rows on the blackboard curve downwards to the right; just barely at first, but as the lecture advances, it becomes more obvious.
He cuts the class shorter by fifteen minutes.
The students know better than to linger. Nobody comes to address any questions, and they leave the room surprisingly quick.
Once the amphitheater is empty enough that even the thump of his crutch reverberates on the wooden floor as he makes his way to the desk, you finally dare speak.
“Is… everything alright?”
“Don’t start,” he cuts back, resting his crutch against the desk before bracing himself with both hands on the flat surface. He sighs, and does a futile attempt of relieving some of the tension in his spine by rolling his shoulders.
His joints crack, and you can see his sharp shoulder blades moving under his shirt, wings on a flightless bird.
And you’re not sure what to say.
“Sorry,” he finally adds, the harshness of his reply catching up to him. “Not… a good day.”
“Got off on the wrong side of the bed?” You attempt weakly, and, much to your utter surprise, he does actually smile.
“Mm. That might explain the past two decades or so.” He does finally look at you from below droopy eyelids, and though there’s not a doubt about him being tired still, there is more gentleness to it. As though woken out of a dream. He takes pity on the confused look on your face, and adds: “My bed is in a corner.”
Ah.
“Is there anything I can do to help? Anything I can get you?”
“A new spine,” he jokes, hunching forward to crack his back, before he does his best to stand up straight once more. When he speaks again, his playful lilt is sorely missing. “Why are you here?”
“I want to attend your lectures — as many of them as I can, at least.”
Viktor shakes his head, mutters something both a little desperate and a little bitter in a foreign tongue.
“You don’t need to do that. From now on, you can simply tell Cecil you were here. And I will confirm it, should he ask. But I do not need… a babysitter. I’m sure you have better things to do as well.”
What? Why would he think that?
“I…” you falter, “Heimerdinger didn’t put me up to this.”
He scoffs, not particularly at you, but it’s surprisingly hurtful nonetheless.
“I thought we had moved past the stage where you felt the need to lie.” He sighs. “I know he worries. There is nothing to worry about. In the unlikely event he does find out you haven’t been following me around as he asked, I will take full responsibility.”
That alone makes you worry. Had Heimerdinger neglected to tell you the full picture? What was there that warranted the dean himself worrying?
”I came to your lectures because I wanted to see you teach.” The last word is more of a lie than anything you’ve said thus far. “I admire your cogency. I want to absorb as much of it as I can.”
Viktor looks thoroughly unimpressed. “We also discussed how I feel about flattery, did we not?”
“It’s not flattery,” you argue. “I came here of my own volition because I think that there’s a lot I can learn from you, professor. Now, if you don’t want me here, you can simply give me the word, and I will act accordingly.”
He mulls it over for a long second while he shuts his leather briefcase.
“Perhaps that would be best,” he finally decides. “For now, continue with your assigned duties. I will let you know if there is anything else I need from you.”
He practically scans you for a reaction, lays you out paper-thin on a glass slide, and slides you under his most potent microscope lens.
You don’t know if he finds what he’s looking for, because he doesn’t look long. He slings the strap of his briefcase over his shoulder, and turns toward the exit with renewed, but undoubtedly spiteful vigor.
“Have a good day.”
“You too, professor.”
—
“Oh, if it isn’t one of my favorite phD students!”
The dean’s mustache curls almost comically with the over-the-top, but somehow still sincere smile he gives you.
“Hello, doctor Heimerdinger,” you greet, letting the smell of laquered wood and floors wash over you as you step into the pristine, impressive office. As opposed to Viktor's, the ceiling is higher, the windows bigger, and there are only sterile messes to be found in the room. A stack of books that is not as neat as the rest, a cactus that doesn’t look all too swell on the windowsill, and documents that are scattered over his workspace in a way that’s still neat.
“What can I do for you? I hope the first week of your collaboration with doctor Sidorov-Svoboda has gone smoothly.”
“That… is actually why I’m here.” You clear your throat awkwardly, and take a seat on the plush chair that faces his desk. Whatever it’s stuffed with, it’s comfortable, it has you sinking.
“I see. I know he can be… a tad, well, peppery at times,” Heimerdinger giggles at his own choice of words. “Give him some time. Once the two of you manage to find some common ground, I can assure you he is wonderful company, and an incredibly bright mind.”
“I don’t doubt any of those things.” You start kneading your hands in your lap, digging for the right words. God, social chess was never your forte. “I’m actually here because there has been a bit of a misunderstanding between the two of us that I was hoping you could clear up.”
“Oh.” His smile drops. “I’m listening.”
“You see, when… well, when I attended his lecture today — the second one I’ve attended — he seemed… very displeased with my presence.”
“Ah…” Heimerdinger falls silent for a long moment, gears turning in his bald head. “That… well,” he laughs awkwardly, “I’m afraid that might have been because he might wrongly assume I told you to do so.”
You nod curtly. “I know. He told me as much.”
“I apologize for the misunderstanding. I will try speaking to him, but—“
“Actually, doctor, that isn’t why I came to you,” you cut in, “he told me more than just that. He said you’d put me up to this because you were… worried about him.”
At that, the smile on Heimerdinger’s face is entirely gone.
“Naturally, that also got me… quite worried. I came to you because I wanted to know the full picture of this… arrangement I’ve gotten into.”
“I see,” Heimerdinger sinks in his seat, folding his hands in front of his blond mustache as he picks his words carefully. “Well, since you have been made aware of this fact, I suppose there is no harm in admitting that I do, in fact, worry about Viktor. Him and I have history, so to speak. I’ve known him for many years, and, though he has remained the same bold, ambitious young man within, I sometimes fear old age may be catching up to him. But! That is not something you need to concern yourself with. The sole purpose of hiring you was to create a mutually beneficial arrangement. Your resume will certainly benefit from his name, and as for him, I wanted to simply… lighten his workload. But that is all I expect of you.”
“I understand.” And you do, to some degree — but Heimerdinger’s whole speech has done nothing but raise more questions than provide any real answers.
“Would you still like me to speak to him on this matter?” He asks.
“No.” With renewed courage and curiosity, you rise from the comfortable chair. “Thank you, professor. For this, and for putting in a good word for me with professor Sidorov-Svoboda.”
“Of course,” he smiles — genuinely, this time. “Though it might sound quite absurd to you now, considering the current circumstances… the two of you are more alike than you may believe.”
You’re not sure what to make of that, either. So you just smile back.
—
On Friday night, as you’re poring over your thesis with a warm mug of tea as a panacea for your racing thoughts and lack of inspiration, you receive an email.
Apologies
From: [email protected]
To: me
Good evening.
I wanted to formally apologize for what happened on Wednesday. Accusing you of something you hadn’t done was unjustified and unprofessional of me. You are always welcome to my lectures, should you still wish to attend.
I was also hoping to speak to you in person on Monday. Would 1 PM still work for you? Let me know.
Thank you.
VSS
It comes as a surprise, to have someone in his position apologize so… willingly. You wonder if Heimerdinger had talked to him after all, and if so, what he might have said to turn the odds so terribly in your favor. Again.
You write a fast reply: you thank him too, above all else. You consider saying you hadn’t expected and apology, but you fear that might come off wrong, so you ultimately ditch that part.
And you tell him yes. 1 PM would work for you.
—
You attend his 10AM lecture on Monday, but this time, you don’t wait for him at his office. Though eager and enthusiastic, you fear your initial approach of waiting for him thirty minutes early might have been too stifling.
So you wait outside the lecture hall. He shows up ten minutes early, crutch under one arm, coffee in his other.
There is just a hint of foam on his upper lip, where grey-brown stubble shows. He licks the milk away before he even sees you, and you’re thankful for it — being caught staring at the pink of his smart tongue darting over the curve of his top lip considering the current circumstances would not have been a good look.
“Good morning,” he greets. Though he’s still using the crutch, he seems to be in an improved mood as opposed to the last time you saw him. “I must admit… I did not expect you here already.”
“If you’ll have me, I want to come,” you say.
Something about that catches him off-guard, the swell of his Adam's apple bobs and his eyes widen just a hint. But he’s fast, always is, and he straightens up and clears his throat before you get to analyze him the way you wish you could.
“Ahem. Well. I’m happy to hear that.” He gestures to the door as if he’d almost forgotten he was holding a coffee, because it sloshes just a hint too loud. Fortunately, there are no victims to the small droplet that spills from the plastic cover. Viktor frowns, most likely with frustration at himself, before he turns to you. “Alright. After you.”
You step into the lecture hall first, per his request. The room begins to quiet when the students see you, but as you turn around to hold the door open to him, it gets worse.
You do not care for the curious, gossip-hungry glances that rest on you.
—
“I appreciate your openness regarding the discussion of this matter,” Viktor begins, shutting his office door behind himself. “Coffee?”
He dips his hand behind an old but trusty looking coffee machine that sits on the table next to the door. You hadn’t noticed it the first time you were here.
The hint of a frown as his fingers roam the space between the back of the machine and the wall is doing… something to you.
“Yes, please.”
“I must warn you,” his voice lilts again in that pleasant, playful way, like a cat twirling figure eights between one’s legs, “it is significantly less… fun than the ones at the cafe. I only have sugar.”
He finds the switch on its back, finally, and there’s a little pop as he flips it, before he retreats his hand.
“Works for me,” you assure. “What did you want to discuss?”
“Mainly, I wanted to eh… extend my apologies to you in person.” His glasses ride further up his nose as he pinches the bridge of it, rolling his shoulders, as if to draw courage. “And to put my… reaction into some context, should you be willing to hear it.”
You hope it’s not outwardly visible that your heart starts vibrating.
He has been on your mind much more than you would like to admit, tangled in questions, in guesses. You unfortunately have the mark of a true scientist — nothing scratches an itch in your soul quite like having your questions answered.
“I would.”
Viktor retrieves a stack of single-use cardboard cups from one of his drawers, sliding out two, which he positions under the coffee machine. He presses the same button twice, then gestures to the chair that faces his desk.
“Have a seat.”
You do.
He lingers beside the coffee machine, resting the backs of his thighs against the edge of the table it’s on as he starts to think.
Just now, it strikes you that maybe social chess isn’t always his forte, either.
“People tend to… underestimate me,” he begins. The coffee machine whirrs, clicks, whirrs again — and then coffee starts to trickle. He tucks his free hand into the pocket of his slacks in what attempts to be dejection, but clearly isn’t. “And while that is an advantage in a competitive environment, it’s not something I appreciate coming from my colleagues.”
“I wasn’t…”
“I know that. Now.” He clears his throat, then, with a show of surprising dexterity, slides his hand from his pocket and grabs both cups with one hand — one tucked between his index and middle finger, the other tucked between his middle and ring finger. You reach out to offer your help, but he sets down both cups on his desk, then hobbles around it, and finally takes his rightful seat on the opposing side. “I unfortunately can’t say the same for Cecil. He does try, and more often than not, he is tactful about these matters, but there is the occasional… slip-up. I try to understand; him and I… have history, as he likes to say.”
You would love to know the exact implications of said history. From what you’d heard, there was the consensus that Viktor had been something of a protege to Heimerdinger, twenty or so years ago, before he’d made it big and co-created the field of applied arcanism.
“I’ve taken up some new responsibilities lately,” Viktor adds, “and Cecil, though worried as ever, has… overstepped some boundaries of mine. You were caught in the crossfire of that, which is hardly fair to you. I’m sorry.”
“Was he the one who convinced you to hire me?”
Viktor shrugs, avoiding your gaze. “Eeeh… partially.”
“I think I understand your issue with his… overstepping. To some degree.” You take the cardboard cup, blowing the steam away, before you take a sip. “I would also have preferred to be hired by you because you wanted it, not because you'd been talked into it, but… well, I’m glad it ultimately still happened, I suppose.”
“Rest assured that the decision was still mine alone,” Viktor replies. Smart eyes watch you over the rim of the cup as he takes a sip himself.
Silence settles. A telltale sign you should get going — but you don’t want to.
“You mentioned some extra responsibilities,” you attempt. He’d shut down your curiosity before, but you’ll be damned if that’s going to deter you from trying again. “Within the university, or… personal?”
“Within the university.” Viktor sets the cup down, sharp joints jutting out as he intertwines his fingers around the circumference of it, hands resting on the table. There is a mole on his left ring finger, right under the knucklebone. “I have been trying my hand at independent research.”
You only notice the fact that you’d leaned in closer with interest when a tiny smug smile ghosts over his face.
“I’m sorry to disappoint you, but that is just about all I should be telling you.”
Oh, come on.
“Show me yours and I’ll show you mine.”
His brows raise with surprise, and for the very first time since you’d known him, Viktor seems genuinely stumped.
“Your… research,” you clarify. “And I could show you what I have for my thesis so far.”
“Oh. Alright, I will, eh… bite.” Taking his paper cup with him, Viktor leans back in his seat, and watches you like a cat watches birds. Not necessarily on the prowl — but with great interest. “Tell me.”
“Me first?”
“You suggested it,” he smirks. “It seems only fair, does it not?”
Uncertainty halts you. You have to wonder if Viktor Sidorov-Sviboda is the kind of man that would steal an idea.
You’ve heard he’d gotten the short end of the stick in his partnership with Jayce Talis — though he’d contributed greatly, his name was sorely amiss from all the terms, laws, anything Talis had coined in their domain.
He must know what it’s like to be cheated out of well-deserved credit.
You suppose he wouldn’t propagate the cycle — but in the off case he does, you have a handful of professors who could vouch for your idea being yours, on account of having vaguely, barely, helped with your thesis. None had been too keen on such a touchy subject as the one you were breaching, and were resistant to offering their opinion.
You hope Viktor won’t fall into that same category.
Part of you already knows he doesn’t.
“Alright.” Though you’re not exactly excited to have your own strategy used against you, you can only hope he’ll hold up his end of the bargain. “My thesis is on the hexionic model. Within and outside the context of a matrix.”
Viktor scoffs with amusement, rather than plain mockery. But there is a taste of it in there, somewhere, in the curve of his lip. “You theorists and your hexionic models. Any attempt at a new hypothesis is no less flawed than the last.”
And it’s thrilling. To be challenged, instead of praised, or dismissed. It makes something in you catch fire, every word itches behind your teeth, like you need to tell him.
“That’s exactly why I’m proposing an entirely different hexion model in my paper.“
His pupils widen so much his eyes go dark. Like a cat about to pounce.
“Oh? Tell me.”
“If we accept that the very core of a hexion’s energy release is based on entropy, on the desire for disarray, and we apply that to a hexion’s very structure… I believe there’s something to be made of the whole mess we are currently facing.”
Viktor had been holding his breath. You notice, because it sounds just a tad sharper when he finally draws a reluctant inhale, and, gears in that mind of his turning fast, sharp, steady, he finds another way to refute your point.
“Like Pididdly’s hexion model?”
“No,” you say. “Though I bet Pididdly will wish he could come up with what I have. Can I have a pen and some paper?”
You have him now.
“Yes, yes, of course.”
Viktor tugs the drawer of his desk open so hard it thunks, digging for a scrap of paper and a pen. When you take it, holding the paper between the two of you, he leans in, too, enough for you to be able to smell his aftershave — the aquatic spice softened by flowery vanilla.
It’s intoxicating enough to have the storm of ideas in your mind going quiet, buzzing. You manage to untangle them before you make a fool of yourself.
“My model is proposing disordered order, so to speak. The hexion is split up into different parts as Torek suggested in his hypothesis. But I think she was too small minded in her approach. For my model, I use the concept of something I’m calling areals. Different areals for different component particles. I believe particles will never be in a fixed, certain place.” You draw the centrion — though hypothetically an ochtahemiocyahedron — as a sphere for simplicity’s sake, surrounded by three vaguely defined layers. Viktor rests both elbows on his desk, sharp chin on intertwined fingers, watching with a tilt of his head. Your mouth’s gone dry. “These areals are… spaces where, if you were to look, at any given moment, the likelihood of you finding a specific hexion particle in its assigned areal is high — but never 100%. They are constantly moving, oscillating, vibrating — within their areal. Like I said: disordered order. And this theory also holds up in the context of matrices — for the most part. There are some kinks I need to iron out, but… this is the gist of it.”
At that, he lights up.
“Extraordinary,” Viktor mutters. It’s music to your ears, rolls down your spine in a wave of dopamine, tingles all over. He taps his finger to the schematic diagram, then stares into your eyes so thoroughly you wonder if he can see into the depths of your amygdala. There is maybe a palm’s length between your faces, a gap you itch to breach. He says the next thing like a solemn secret. “This could be beyond revolutionary.”
“Thank you.”
Viktor doesn’t miss a beat when he says: “I would like to help you with your thesis. Should you require it.”
Now that knocks your knees out from under you. You’re lucky you’re sitting.
One of the founding fathers of applied arcanism wants to read your thesis? Wants to help you?
“I…” You can’t remember to breathe, your mouth’s gone thick and cottony and swallowing is a distant dream and he is looking right at you, young and hungry and alive underneath the barely composed shell of himself. “I’d be thrilled.”
He grins, the top of his lip a mere thin line over his teeth.
“I already am,” he lilts. You watch the way his mouth moves — the curl of his tongue against the back of his teeth as he rolls his heavy, thick r, the plush purse of them on the m.
And when you remember to look into his eyes again, you catch him red handed.
He’d been staring at your lips, too.
Startled with the reality, the puzzle-piece-click of knowing, the both of you retreat into your seats. With a shaky hand, you pick your cup back up, and take a sip from your coffee. It’s gone lukewarm.
“I’d like to ask you to print it, if possible.” His voice is bridled again, steady, certain. Normal. He tugs on another drawer, and retrieves something shiny, metallic. A key. He lays it on the table, sliding it towards you. “You can use the printer in my office, if need be.”
“I can print what I have so far this evening, and leave it for you here. Would that work for you?”
”Yes.”
You look at the clock on his wall — it’s entirely later than it should be. You have a lab you should be getting to.
“Could you spare some time on your lunch break tomorrow?” Viktor asks, clearly having read your mind again, somehow. “I think I should have it read through by then.”
“Absolutely, but… you don’t even know how much there is to read through.”
He smiles. “If you write with the same enthusiasm you talk, rest assured I will tear through it.”
#viktor arcane#viktor arcane x reader#arcane viktor x reader#arcane viktor#viktor arcane x you#reader insert#my writing
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The one track mind siblings…just had to draw ‘em after I finished playing the game cx
#snufkin melody of moominvalley#snufkin#little my#moominvalley#I don’t know if I should tag as spoilers so I will#Just in case#spoilers#fanart#this used to have a whole background but I kept overthinking it x.x#This game was a delight to play!
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And then everyone believed her and took her seriously and everything was fine and good forever <3
#kissing gwen on the forehead and making sure she knows I believe her#I love her so much you don’t even understand#gwen bouchard#cw mr bonzo#just in case that’s a tag I should add#mr bonzo#tmagp#gween posting#the magnus protocol#my art#tmagp spoilers#the magnus protocol spoilers#fanart
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WHEN YOU COULDN’T SAY A THING BEFORE?
(i move fast with these things, holy moly. also i did not forget the loops! i just didn’t feel like including them :3)
#isat#isat spoilers#siffrin#isat siffrin#in stars and time#in stars and time spoilers#in stars and time siffrin#zeisty’s in betweens#yeah hi guys it’s me again#don’t mind me my brain just likes stockpiling ideas and forcing me to execute them#i do take breaks though!! i promise i do#anyway some of this was done by memory. and by which I mean the dialogue.#yes hello friend ammonite. i saw you reblogging the last versions of this animation. so i just wanna say:#THIS IS SPOILERS FOR ACT 5!!! you’ve only seen the first two loops so far!!!#so you should probably mute/block spoiler tags for isat!#seriously! it’s one wild ride and it’s fun experiencing almost completely blind#and you’re definitely wandering through the tags because you’ve been tagging me in cool stuff you find#so just keep in mind we’re not here yet. and there’s some stuff you should probably not know yet :3#yes i had to tell you through the tags. hewwo :3
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Was supposed to color this, and maybe one day I will- for now, have the line art for a silly little comic
#their relationship is so messy and it gives me brainrot djdjjdjdjd#doodle#sketch#comic#bg3#bg3 durge#bg3 Gortash#enver gortash#oc#Vat’il#bg3 oc#gortash x durge#lord gortash#I don’t think this needs a spoiler tag cause it’s mostly just me doing my own thing- but let me know if I should add it#durgetash
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Deadpool & Wolverine is for people who were unhatched transfags in middle school when they first discovered XMen and latched onto Logan to an unhealthy and indescribable degree. In this essay I will
#be me. discover XMen at 13. develop strong attachment to Logan. base your ideal man/self around him despite being a girl. no ur not lol#deadpool & wolverine#deadpool and wolverine#Deadpool#Wolverine#Logan#Deadpool 3#f slur#I uh. don’t know how else I should tag that so#ask to tag#don’t think there are spoilers here either but still ask me to tag as such if needed. actually gonna mention one in the next tag:#‘Ezra you haven’t made an original post in years and this is what we get’ yes now let me think about men fucking each other in a Honda
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Feelings Buddies :D
I realized I can paint isat fanart at night because there are no colors I have to be worried about looking different in daylight vs fluorescent light :3
here’s a bit more of a close up:
Spoiler for the end of isat:
I really like how Mirabelle and Siffrin connect with each other at the end of the game over how anxiety impacts them + the whole aro/ace conversation with the dating profiles. Mirabelle realizing she didn’t get to know Siffrin very well and wanting to change that on their journey to Bambouche
so yeah, they’re just chillin :3
#in stars and time#them <3#isat siffrin#isat mirabelle#isat fanart#As much as I love Isa and Sif getting to know each other after the loops I also like Siffrin hanging out with the others in the party#Also making isat fanart definitely has been forcing me to think carefully about the lighting and value placements in a painting#and sometimes I don’t push the values enough so it’s definitely been challenging but also very good for me to practice :P#isat spoilers#I guess I should tag that just in case#watercolor#traditional art#my art
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fuck i’m thinking about calamity xie lian and wu ming and the fact that . even at his worst. for xie lian. after being the most selfless person for his people. that selflessness being returned with pure selfishness. that he became that way because of someone literally fucking with him soley because they were jealous of xie lians kindness and so desperately wanted xie lian to break. and when he did. wu ming was there. he was literally created from xie lians suffering. he had seen xie lian in his princely glory. seen him fight for his people. and watched as he could do nothing while those people turned against their prince in such a vile way. that wu ming was ready to greet him, to fight with him and constantly bloody his hands for him. even at xie lians absolute worst, the only who had always believed in him, and literally his last believer, still doing anything for him except agree to stop believing in him. the level of devotion to keep reminding xie lian who he is even when he didn’t want to be. the fact that when one person showed xie lian kindness again. wu ming was there, his most devoted believer, to die for him, again, because it will always be an honour to die for his highness. and before he died, he got to see xie lian come back to himself, back to the kindness he knew was always within - but even if he didn’t, he still would’ve followed him. because he loved xie lian, was so devoted and saw how people threw him to the dirt. he would do anything to take any burden away from xie lian. and he did.
#me not even 2 mins ago: ya know i get wulian but i don’t think it’s for me#me after writing this out: oh i get it. oh i so get it now#i just needed to rant about it lmfao apparently#tgcf#hualian#tgcf spoilers#idk if i should tag this as wulian tho#tgcf analysis#wu ming#he deserves the tag tho
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Every time I think about Kawoshin my heart aches and I have to log off and reconnect with nature and empty my mind in order to stop myself from breaking into tears. Like I’m being so serious when I say I don’t think I’ve ever been so emotionally impacted by a fictional ship in my life 😭
#neon genesis evangelion#nge#neon genesis evangelion spoilers#nge spoilers#spoilers upcoming in the tags be careful I’m warninggg youuuu warning warning warning#so I’ve completely finished the anime and am watching the rebuilds now#and I’m at the part where Kaworu is abt to die and i fr had to shut off the show like idk if I’ll even be able to finish it 😭#like I’m genuinely distraught#yk what I don’t think I’ve been this impacted by a characters death in a WHILE#like usually I get sad but I power through#but this has me in such a state of devastation that I genuinely don’t know if I’ll even be able to finish it 😭#when the story is so good it has you in a state of genuine emotional distress and panic#I should reblog this when I actually get through the rebuilds bc I bet you I’ll put it off for months#they are happy and alive in my heart 😞#lorddd the piano scene gutted me. and them watching the stars#CRYING WEEPINH……GOOD LORDDDD THEY MAKE ME MISERABLE 🙁🙁#kawoshin#kaworu nagisa#shinji ikari
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i can count on one hand the amount of female characters in this game that have made me stop and stare but damn She. stunning i’m in love
#i think the hsr fashion style is just not my cup of tea lol#like i’m just not Wowed v often#i think i tend to like the ones that are more…conventional?#like kafka and blade and dan heng#jinglui and topaz and hanya#the ones i def don’t vibe with are seele and archeron and yukong#these are just off the top of my head lol#and then there’s others that i’m just neutral on. like bronya and gallagher and gepard#they don’t do anything for me but i don’t hate it or they don’t make me go ??? w hat#anyway after listing all these people i can’t remember the names of the two women in the image lmao#shorter one on the right is a seele to me i go ????#the one in the middle (feixiao?) invokes the same emotions i experienced when seeing hanya for the first time#gorgeous stunning i’m staring at her for 20 years#this is a new quest right? so i should tag spoilers..#man i have so many quests and shit i don’t know what’s what anymore#i think it’s brand new as of last night.. i think.. i’m pretty sure#i’ll stop talking now lol#hsr spoilers#feixiao#pretty positive that’s her name#yanqing#lemme google the other girl real quick#yunli
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I finally got to read Chalice of the Gods and I was not disappointed. Ganymede is probably one of my favorite characters in Greek myth but I wasn’t ever sure he would get to be properly portrayed in the series due to the nature of his story combined with the constraints of a middle grade series. I was afraid if he ever did properly show up the darker elements of his story would get brushed over and that would kinda suck, so part of me never wanted Rick to even try with Ganymede. But I really like how he handled him in this book. The clear terror of Ganymede throughout, how gross Zeus feels (“I like watching him walk away” die in a fire you piece of shit I swear to god), but all handled in the way you might expect the same heavy topics to be handled irl when there are children in the room. The story isn’t gone, the effects are very much there and those who know can see it, but nobody says it and it makes sense that they don’t. Ganymede wouldn’t be comfortable talking about it to a bunch of teenagers he doesn’t know, the other gods/goddesses we meet along the way would either be too uncomfortable with the subject matter in general (as many if not most people would be), not want to tell Ganymede’s story for him, be hesitant to draw Zeus’ ire by portraying him in a bad light, or just not see the situation as a problem due to their nature of being terrible people. It absolutely makes sense that nobody says what’s going on. So even when it feels like it’s being brushed over, it feels like the characters in the world are doing that for their own reasons, not that the author is doing it to spare the innocence of his young readers.
(It’s also pretty on-brand that Percy knew next to nothing about the myth and didn’t look it up. His assumption that the myth would probably be told from Zeus’ side and therefore not be terribly helpful is understandable, but he failed to consider that Zeus is such an asshole that “Zeus’ side” might still include some pretty damning details because Zeus would fail to recognize that he’d done anything wrong that he might want to leave out. I was impressed that Percy took the time to try and look Gary up, though, even if the attempt was unsuccessful. That’s character development hard at work, folks.)
#anyway we stan and support Ganymede on this blog#pjo cotg#cotg spoilers#chalice of the gods#ganymede#classics stuff#riordanverse#local queer classicist posts#percy jackon and the olympians#percy jackson#tw rape#tw abuse#I don’t really know if tw are necessary when being this vague but better safe than sorry#let me know if there are others I should add. I don’t talk about heavy shit much so I’m not well-versed in tagging for it
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i do think a good shtola arc for the future would be like, her sort of calculated recklessness with her own life negatively affecting someone else and her having to reckon with that
#like for example i just don’t think they dealt with her forever altering thancred!!!#man. they could have done so much with that + the tension between them in shb#i feel like ppl don’t really consider how close they are like she has a whole little speech about how she expects better of him#bc she knows he can be better!! bc they’ve known each other so long.#and now she has to charge his cartridges bc she permanently altered his ability to use aether. while trying to save him!!#i have like a vague memory of him being like well i’m not mad bc she saved me but i have no idea if that’s real or i read it in a post ahdj#i don’t have thancred brain im sorry😭#but anyway. they care about each other so much but i think they should have gone into this a little more.#well there’s always fic.#i need a text post tag#shadowbringers spoilers#oh i forgot where i started with this but essentially i want her to like really have to think about how far she will#go for answers. and to decide when it’s enough!! idk what i hope the outcome will be.
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individual who has emotionally destroyed people through their fan comics decides to make one involving an in stars and time au
#zeisty’s comic stuff#zeisty’s heavy hitters#in stars and time#in stars and time au#isat au#in stars and time siffrin#longer than necessary au#ltn au#zeisty’s in betweens#yeah i thought there was no way i could ruin siffrin’s mental state and couldn’t come up with an au#but then i did so. HAHA WHOOPS#isat change god#close enough I guess!#not sure if I should tag this as spoilers because this is an actual missable sprite for the statue in dormont#I mean i’ll do it just in case. but nobody else has to tag it as such if they’re reblogging this from me if they don’t think so#isat spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#just in case tag#also btw I like poking fun at myself :3#i am very silly and i only mean it in the best way possible when I do :D#i’m only saying this because I did that in the caption for this.#I know who I am and I love myself for it :3
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Midst spoilers for S3 E16: Trustfall
This is sort of just a jumble of my own interpretation of Phineas and Jonas’ dynamic (which is definitely influenced by my being aspec and having a strange understanding of romance) but I honestly don’t think the kiss complicates their relationship any more than it already is complicated. I feel like their overall dynamic would have been relatively unchanged if they hugged in that moment instead of kissed. Phineas said it best— they’re each others’ person. They both made atrocious mistakes and fucked each other up, but at the end of the day they love each other. When going into this episode, I had no idea if they were going to kiss or not (I knew both were possibilies, but didn’t know the direction it was going to take). But I knew based on their respective arcs and views of each other they were going to plan their futures in conjunction. They were always going to be the most important person to each other. They just so happen to be similar-aged and both attracted to each other, so they used a kiss to demonstrate that to each other instead of other methods of affection. I think trying to wrestle them into typical “romantic” or “platonic” boundaries will always fundamentally miss an aspect of their dynamic. They both fucked each other up, but they want to work through it and plan a path forward. They are the most important person to each other, and they demonstrated in multiple ways througout they episode, one of them being a kiss.
#I don’t know if this makes any sense haha#This episode further cemented their dynamic to me#But I don’t think it really changed it in my mind#And I say that as someone who had NO CLUE if they were gonna kiss or not going into the episode#They want to be by each others’ side. They are each others’ person.#They would still be that to each other if they weren’t mutually attracted. But they are so they kiss#Is it healthy for ONE PERSON to be THE PERSON FOR YOU ABOVE ALL ELSE?#No. We as people need a multitude of kinds of people in our lives. One person should not be your everything.#But DAMN if it isn’t intriguing in fiction stories#They mutually love each other in ways neither of them has ever known from anyone else#That is the majority their dynamic stripped down to its absolute barest essentials#The Trust is no longer meddling or superimposing power dynamics#so the love is what remains#I wrote an essay of a text post and made an essay of the tags too#Whoops#midst#midst spoilers#jonas spahr#phineas thatch#jonas spahr x Phineas thatch#Jonas x phineas
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