#I don’t know how to talk about my ocs but I love them. And it’s all that matters 2 me
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🎉 Thank You for 10k+ Followers!! 🎉
A big thank you goes out to @cozymochi for this beautiful celebratory commissioned artwork for this major milestone ✨ It really captures the scope of all the content that had been put out in the last 4+ years—both in terms of official Twst materials and on this blog! I think it’s very fitting that we hit this milestone in the month of Halloween too (I just held off on posting this til the month after); it’s Twst’s biggest holiday of the year, so it’s twice the cause for celebration!!
A lot has happened over the course of my time in this fandom. I’ve written many things of course, but I’ve also had many other exciting opportunities! I’ve been interviewed for a paper, met many cool people from all over the world, attended Twst meetups + events, collaborated with other talented creators, received kind gifts, contributed to various fandom projects, and finished telling the origins of my Twst OC. This blog has been with me through a lot of major changes and difficult hurdles in my life too—it’s really been an anchor for me, a comforting and safe space for me to be creative or analytical whenever I want to be.
When I first started this blog as a very casual hobby in summer of 2020, I never even considered that it would balloon to this extent. It still doesn’t feel totally real to me 😭 I don’t usually fixate on numbers (they make me anxious), but looking back on it, 10k is a LOT, and 4 years is a long time. To put that in perspective, if we were in Twisted Wonderland for 4 years then all of the students we’ve come to know and love would have graduated by now. That’s crazy to me. We’ve come so far as a group.
I feel that a large part of fandom is the community that comes with it. I would have found it so challenging to stick with Twst had I not had so many great people keeping me engaged with it. I’d now like to take a moment to thank those folks. Keeping in line with the idea of “4 years”, think of these as little messages scrawled in a yearbook. I also have a blog event planned to celebrate! More on that later.
Please note that I’ve used pseudonyms for most of the following people, as I’d like to respect their privacy (I’m very private myself) + not all of them are comfortable with being explicitly named or tagged to a large crowd. You’ll know who you are if you see yourself on here.
Without further ado:
MSS — Thank you for being the first Twst space I felt truly a part of. It’s still the place I consider my fandom “home” beyond this blog.
April — Thank you for making MSS as a place for us to share! We’re tsunderes in solidarity.
Drinking Knight — The banners wouldn’t exist without your help. Thanks for getting the ball rolling on those; I’d like to think that I’m a little more confident in designing new ones myself now, but you were the start of it all. Your endless enthusiasm for the most insane otome boys, drinks, and bullying (positive) others is truly an inspiration.
Q. Opinionated — Can’t count the number of times you ran tech support for me 💀 Thanks so much for being patient and willing to laugh at a stupid situation. I WILL grip you (escape is not an option) 🤲
Dad with his Printer — Why are you so cheeky My unofficial proofreader and fact checker. Still treasure the teeny J word and coffin magnets you sent, and, even more valuable than those, the bad dad jokes/puns advice and wisdom you give. Wishing you luck on your art adventure.
A. Cider — An unexpected friend I met very late into the fandom and happened to run into irl by total coincidence. Funny how life works. Your shitposts are great, and I appreciate having a like-minded person to talk with about the J words and story critiques. I’d also like to thank you for the many little doodles you’ve made; I know you’re very busy and have a wife to tend to at home but I appreciate that you still make time for friends.
Hana — Extroverted pink-haired magical girl representation. Your bubbly love for Disney, Diasomnia, singing, and (yes) angst lights up the entire room. Maybe you’re not too confident with yourself are right now, but I know you’ll find your way.
Swan — For being quick on the uptake and giving me the heads up about various things! We may not talk much one-on-one, but I’m thinking of you and enjoy seeing you pitch into the conversation. You’re still banned for L*ona posting though/j
Ly — My secret French twin/j Thanks for being my cultural + equine advisor and a voice of (salty) reason. Never shut up about your hyperfixations! You’re a real one.
Oys — Enabler + encourager of my Yan!Sil delusions. Sorry for making your blood pressure spike every time we talk about our food takes. But hey, at least we get a good laugh out of it :))
Mac and Bean — For being my inspirations. Bean, you have such atmospheric writing. I hope my writing style can be just as magical as yours. Mac, it was your blog that first got me into starting my own Twst writing. You never stop being so, so funny also I blame you 120% for the L*ona rot.
Peaches and Cream — To my local Twst friends, thanks for keeping me company even through the hard times. Peaches, happy to be your local Twst dealer anytime. Cream, thanks for hooking me up with new books.
Salt and Flora — I don’t know where you vanished to, but the sea brought you back to me on its tides. I’m so happy we could meet again. Salt, you’re so talented at crochet and design work; get your coin 😂 Flora, you’re the sweetest person ever. Literally cottagecore personified, even in your art.
Piano — We don’t always see eye to eye, but thank you for being my serial debater and showing me new perspectives. Your open-minded theories and analyses are such fun. And, of course, it’s always hilarious to think about how we accidentally (?) swapped oshis 🤡 You’re a star.
The Anklebiter — For having the most unhinged jokes and ideas. Seriously, THE most unhinged. I never do any of the crazy things you suggest but I’m always really entertained from just hearing them.
Te, Mi, and Ro — Thanks for organizing local events and giving me an excuse to touch grass. It’s a lot of hard work and you guys manage to pull it off every time! Mi, I was flattered to have you reach out to me to help a little with the Tweel cupsleeve event. Happy to help anytime! Te, I remember you were cosplaying as Kalim when we first met and I kept thinking about how perfectly suited you are for the role. You were very friendly and made such an effort to include everyone in the event even when I was Idia-ing in the corner. To this day, you continue to spontaneously introduce me to new people 😂 Thanks for getting me put of my comfort zone. Ro, I didn’t think we’d meet again like this. Small world! You’re learning and improving the big events. Here’s hoping to many more!
Vic — For being Ace Trappola when very few others would. It’s refreshing to have someone tell it like it is. I wish I could be as bold and as honest as you are sometimes. You have such a big heart when it comes to the characters you love; it makes me want to adore them like you do too 🫶
Kana — For being so sweet and patient. You helped me through so many rough patches and have also contributed a lot to the look of the blog. It’s so fun gushing with you about magical girls and pretty boys, sharing our favorite shows and movies… I feel as though I’ve made a lifelong friend.
Zari — Thank you for charms and art book, big fan of your stuff 😭 So honored to have worked with you on projects too. I hope to see a lot more of your Yuu and other OCs around, I love following them ^^
Lala — You understand, encourage, and validate my weird tastes in fictional men 💕 Really admire your sense of fashion and stylish nails too. Whenever I have my shrimp apron on, I think of you.
Arisu — No longer in the Twst fandom but integral in the earliest days. Wherever you are now, I wish you nothing but happiness.
P-san — You’re a lifesaver!! Thank you so much for helping me find cute little outfits and accessories for my plushies… They are forever grateful to be properly clothed.
V, Fa, Fe, Ray, Rea, Sonny, Glimmer Group, and Incognito Crew — Thanks for being so supportive of my hyperfixation on Disney villain anime boys, even if you guys have NO clue what I’m rambling about half of the time. To V specifically 🫵 I am NOT a cat boy kisser
Mango — I didn’t know I wanted you in my life until you showed up uninvited one day and chewed your way into my heart.
Azul Ashengrotto — For being the character that first convinced me into giving this game a shot. The Little Mermaid was something I always held so dear to me, so it almost seems like destiny that you’d be the one to drag me down into Twst. You’ll always hold a special place in my heart for that, even if my feelings have changed since then.
Rook Hunt — For being there when I needed to laugh a little. It’s scary to glance over my shoulder sometimes, but you make it easier to smile as I look back.
Rollo Flamme — For letting me know that having negative feelings is normal and human, even if we don’t always cope with them in the healthiest of ways. Let’s reflect and be better together!
Leona Kingscholar — For showing me that change and personal growth is, in fact, possible. Th-This doesn’t mean I like you or anything though, so get off your high horse—
Jade Leech — For taking my hand and guiding me back on the path when I got lost in the dark. Whatever crimes you may commit in your free time, I forgive you/j
Miss Raven Crowley — The little black bird who could, the blog muse. I made you on a whim and look at where you are now… You went from a background character to the main character of your own story. So proud of you, my child 😭
Asset compilers, fan artists, fanfic writers, fan translators, cosplayers, merch makers, editors, plushie pic takers, video essayists, theorizers, etc. — You’re all so important to keeping the fandom alive, especially during periods of official content drought. It wouldn’t be feasible for me to list out all of the content creators I enjoy (chjsbsksks and it honestly might be awkward since I haven’t directly interacted with most of them), but I hope that this message still reaches you and finds you well. Keep doing your thing; I love seeing the work you put out ^^
Anyone and everyone that I’ve ever commissioned and/or received fan works from — I appreciate that you took time and energy out of your day to create something for me. There’s so much talent in the Twst fandom and I’m honored that you would dedicate some of that to a silly little birb.
You, the Readers — For supporting this blog and and what I do here! You’re an important part of my journey too.
Thank you!! Here’s to a future unknown and a page unwritten.
- The Writing Raven
#twisted wonderland#twst#disney twisted wonderland#disney twst#notes from the writing raven#milestone#twst oc#twisted wonderland oc#Raven Crowley#not my work#Leona Kingscholar#Jade Leech#commissioned art#Azul Ashengrotto#Rook Hunt
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Thoughts on Veilguard so far:
Preface: I’m ~50 hours in with a handful of endgame spoilers.
My general values are: Story > Characters > Gameplay > Romance > Rep > Visuals.
My rating of the previous games: DA2 > DAO > DAI
Spoilers under Cut:
What I expected: Having to deal with an unappealing art style and clunky gameplay with leftover multiplayer and live service era elements that they couldn’t get rid of for the sake of the story and characters.
What I got: Well…
Let’s Start with the negatives:
-Dialogue: I want to know what happened there. Ik for a fact they had veteran BioWare writers on the team and it feels like there was a decision to dumb everything down to the point of me immediately having a line in my head that would sound better in universe every time someone spoke. It proved especially grating once I heard Morrigan speak. And when people compare the writing to MCU I cannot really protest. “Dragon Age has always been unserious” yes but like. Not every other line was a joke or relatable™️ millennial awkwardness . When jokes did happen they became memorable moments for the fandom. It’s often very difficult to listen to. Especially when Rook talks. It is getting marginally better though.
-Tone: Dragon Age has been compelling to me because it wrote conflict and trauma and corruption in a way that felt developed enough to feel grounded and believably horrific. Even with all its faults. DATV mellowed out the horrors and seems to gloss over a lot of sociopolitical dynamics and lore. Stuff like portraying crows as vigilantes and not showing the evils of Tevinter slavery. The tone itself just feels like theyre trying to make an easily marketable sanitized IP out of it to cater to a wider audience.
-Character Writing: A lot of characterization has been “Tell not show” because I’m disappointed in Lucanis and Neve. The story says one is a serious killer and the other is a cynic but both have only been friendly soft and positive which is like??? I feel like a lot of their intro has been cut out or something where they establish those traits on screen. Another thing is: there don’t appear to be actually detestable and controversial traits in characters or even internal conflict they need to overcome. They’re just dealing with some kind of external thing thrust onto them and that is very shallow to me personally.
-Intro: I know we’re not getting Origins style personalized intros again but it felt like too much is handwaived into people making their own OCs and forming headcanons when the game doesn’t let us RP much at all outside identity stuff anyway. Like how do we know Varric? Why should any of the pep talks he gives us mean anything when we haven’t experienced anything to warrant the complements he gives us?
-Villains: possibly the worst part of the story: they lit act like theyre in a preschool cartoon down to body language. No nuance no controversy no actual horror to them when in previous games the evil felt so much more pronounced because some of the villains felt human enough to be a shitty person irl.
-Rep: Sigh. Even as a transmasc I might be a little too internally transphobic for the rep in the game. It feels like so many steps ahead of what the story should be handling. Like fix the slavery problem in a meaningful way then start philosophical gender discussions about what a gender binary even is. And it’s very cringe to me when it’s spoken about in game. Like yeah I love that there’s no way to dispute what the characters are but it also feels so entirely uncreative using modern day terminology for this stuff. And I don’t mean “replace it with ambiguous sad baby talk” but something more. Like is it terrible to want that? Even if you were planning on using the word nonbinary, at least tell us what a binary even is and how it was instituted as an idea into this world. Like I do adore Taash, I just wish the gender stuff wasn’t so clumsy.
-Visuals: It’s hard man. As an artist who sees human bodies as proportion reference points, the bodies still look off to me. Like it was worse and I’m getting used to it but it’s still painful. And I’m all for trying to stylize but this particular heroforge direction was not something I would have picked.
-OST: At first I couldn’t tell Zimmer/Balfe’s stuff apart from Morris’s but yeah, the new stuff is more boring(Sans the Rivain part)
-The 3 choice thing: yeah not a fan of that. I feel like perhaps it was a part of the multiplayer era where they would not be able to import much if everyone had a massively different world state so they limited it to the tiny MC choices. Still sad that the romance thing only really matters if you romanced Solas because the Dorian cameo wasn’t anything to write home about. Kinda feels like they added him in last minute because someone pointed out how much Solas-skewed the choices were. Idk. I so expected Josie in Antiva but alas.
Now Onto the Positives:
-Codices: The very way-too modern simplified conversational dialogue style carries over to the codices. And while I despise that as a creative, I do find myself actually reading them as they come because they are so easy to absorb. I feel like a lot of people would benefit from not skipping them because there are some references and plot reveals worth checking out.
-Story: If you deafen the dialogue style, the story itself is top. Gets way better as you play and from the spoilers I’ve heard, yeah. It’s good. Can’t wait to find out more.
-Gameplay: Listen I have a massive preference for DA style combat even if most ppl call it a slog. The turn based element, the pause button, the hoarding skills I never use. It’s like coming home to me. I hated DAI combat for the amount of anxiety it induced and I usually hate fast-paced action combat in most other games. DATV made me eat my boots. Its combat is insanely fun and engaging and often times I’m looking forward to fights more than quests themselves. Very colorful, very flashy, and very effective. The pause button gives less freedom but it’s there. The combos are fun. It is like Mass Effect except I did not find commanding the companions in Mass Effect as intuitive. Tho I wish non mages had less magicey feeling attacks.
-The CC: Yeah it wowed me with the options. I like how much can be done with the facial sliders and how good the hair looks.
-Puzzles: Listen the puzzles are extremely stupid in this game. But I also am very stupid and lazy when it comes to solving them. I have looked up the vast majority of puzzle solutions for DA games. No more DA2 Fade Barrels and no more trying to circumnavigate the ad infested Fandom Wiki to get to the Kitty’s prison solution. Crafted specifically for me.
-Mechanical Things: The game is optimized insanely well. Both when It comes to your PC and the gameplay. I’m amazed how well it runs on my PC when games like BG3 and Cyberpunk make my CPU scream. Love that. As far as gameplay goes: everything is super streamlined and designed to be as un-annoying as possible. No carry weight, no collectibles as annoying and unrewarding as the shards and mosaics. The maps are easy to parse. The game does not bombard you with useless NPCs, banter can’t be interrupted and characters catch up on banter at the Lighthouse if you’ve been avoiding certain party comps by accident. The quest locator is actually helpful. Skill points can be refunded. Looting is easy and finding shit feels rewarding.
-Characters: Honestly they do have some interesting things going on and while most characters feel a little hollow so far, I was pleasantly surprised by Davrin and Bellara. Davrin is the one I’m romancing and while the actual romance isn’t groundbreaking I’m glad I chose him. Yes, his character has a lot to do with Assan and his arc, but he does have stuff going on of his own. He’s very refreshing because some of the things he says low key both makes you think and also worry about him. He’s also not your usual preppy jock type. He can be a little mean sometimes. He’s artistic and principled. He has some remnants of “opinions I don’t agree with” that I love early DA for. When it comes to Bellara, she absolutely breaks the sort of Manic Pixie/Quirky Awkward young coded girl mold. It is the fact that there is self awareness and hints of history of failure and isolation in her words. There is also masking and over-clarification that I can relate to personally. I hope there is stuff like that to other companions when I get to know them better.
Visuals: the UI and Locations are stunning. The outfits the best the game has had so far(tho wish the overall look was less stylized) The blighted stuff(sans the ogres) and the Crossroads. Beautiful.
-Dwarf Lore: started out as fucking cheesy but I just finished meeting Valta and I’m seated.
-Solas Stuff: Hated the man for a while. Caved and made a solavellan to import to get more story stuff. NGL he is actually tolerable/interesting to me in this game.
Overall: A sickly sweet combo of Disappointed and Impressed. And I’m still gonna be playing. I am used to not liking something about every DA game. That’s part of the fun for me. But damn is this one testing me. Am I having a lot of fun playing it? Absolutely. Am I finding it difficult to get through a concerning amount of dialogue…yeah. It does still feel like a DA game but also like if someone made a pg-13 live action of Inquisition and then made a supplementary game based off that. If I forget that it’s supposed to be a sequel and just treat it like an action game with plot then it’s easier. And like I’m sure at least half of what I listed as a negative can be attributed to EA meddling or prev iterations of the game being inseparable. Anyway. Can’t wait to see the ending and I will add more thoughts when I’m done.
#dragon age the veilguard#datv#dragon age: the veilguard#Veilguard spoilers#BioWare critical#sort of a review
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@mountainashfae @outeremissary I like to think about the banter they’d get into
#my art#pathfinder 2e#xioyun#vio miette#balthazar lucienne#RAAAAAAAAH I LOVE PEOPLE’S OCS#I LOVE TALKING ABOUT OCS AND MAKING THEM INTERACT LIKE PAPER DOLLS!!!!#but i don’t do it all the time cause i don’t wanna be weird#i swear i need like a permission form or something to know how often it’s ok for me to draw other peoples’ ocs
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Sometimes you have to make shitty little OCxCanon comics to keep yourself sane
Sorry @mysticalcats I stole ur oc (foxglove)
#see so I say that but I literally lost my mind creating this I almost gave myself a lobotomy at least 5 times#can. can you tell I don’t know how to draw people kissing. can. can you tell#hahshsshhahsbshsghshshddghhiiygfdanan#I almost criedddddd#bright side!!!!! Vicci and foxglove turned out SUPER cute especially foxglove funky little guy#in case it isn’t clear they’re talking about moths in the first panel#idk man I just thought this would be funny and it still kind of is#‘was that ur gf?’#‘my what’#abahshs#Bluebelle’s silliest moment (fell in love)#anyhow SHOUTOUT TO GREAT COMET AND THE MABEL PODCAST HOLY FUCK#actually would have dropped off the face of the earth if not for them#teeeeeheeeeeeeeeeeeee *dies explodes burns drowns*#rip tear shred maim#I can’t believe I’m posting this girlskies#what you all must think of me lmaoooooo#ANYWAY live laugh love you starlight express#the kiss (yk the one) is keeping me sane#evil men polycule fr#Chaumet you’re next#expect Bluebeard to appear too because I think I’m funny sometimes#cats the musical#cats musical#oc x canon#cats oc#jellicle oc#victoria cats#cats victoria#sorah’s silly scribbles
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do you have a ref for your piral…..
SMILES SO SWEETLY. GLAD YOU ASKED !!!!!! VERY GLAD
^ my piral [don’t mind the chemicalfuzzy @ , I go by it on every site that isn’t this one]
ANDDDD to anyone out there who doesn’t know him !!! this is Damon, and As You Can See he is very very based off hit album the downward spiral by nine inch nails. design-wise he’s also kind of based off a heart and club moth [first design] / a comet moth [second design]
he gets 2 whole designs one that’s just. The normal one [IN QUOTATION MARKS LOL], and another that’s him after title track + Hurt happens [yeah they. They happen btw] [and then there’s these 2 other guys that revive him all weird later on , I’ll . I’ll talk about all dat in some other post but that’s the idea
he has been the number 1 plaguer of my mind lately BUT I do have a whole lot of other album based ocs I cherish dearly INCLUDING OTHER NIN ALBUMS !!! I do plan to post them all eventually I’m just very shy LMAO
under the cut is just extra stupid drawings . see him face :}
#asterdoodle#asteranswer#oc — damon#MY PIRAL !!!!!!!!#anyone feel free to ask anything about him btw or anyone else really#I don’t know how to talk about my ocs but I love them. And it’s all that matters 2 me#oc posting#TRIED to keep this relatively short because you just asked for a ref orion oops#and also I’m eepy#buuuut he’ll get a better yapfest later maybe idk I can talk about design notes or whateva#i haven’t oc posted on tumblr in ages sorry if im all over the place <\3
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OC DUMP!!!!! And a rambly life update haha
Haven’t been drawing a lot because the semester was difficult ESPECIALLY around finals. As a break between studying I would often sketch my Kirby ocs! These were are all scattered throughout August - December. Still making the ref for Sir Meteor, so he hasn’t been introduced officially yet (unless you have seen me post about him in discords lol), but he’s been a work-in-progress ever since I posted those allosaurus skull studies in August X)
My winter break has started recently and I’m itching to create again, especially since I have those requests that I opened, I wanted to do them way faster but assignments are priority sadly. As a reward for anyone who has read this far, have a peek at my next planned full piece!
#snappy’s art tag#ik my tumblr followers don’t care about my ocs bc I’ve never talked about them but look at the blorbos from my brain#also you guys don’t know how obsessed I am with Buggy I love her#my art#kirby oc: Buggy#kirby oc: Sir Meteor#kirby oc: Terra Knight#not really but he has a cameo#EVER SINCE I INTRODUCED TERRA KNIGHT IN 2022 I WANTED TO DRAW HIS OLDER BROTHER SO BAD!!!#I’m so happy I found the perfect fit for his name#fun fact about Meteor! his name used to be Paleo Knight but it really didn’t fit him or my oc lore#also the twin tails on his cape are supposed to look a bit like comet tails! referencing the meteor that wiped out the dinosaurs#I had a bunch of people help me narrow down a pauldron design and the shapereferences the meteor as well :)#I PUT SO MUCH INTO HIS CONCEPT
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thinking about my gw2 fellas because i can’t play right now. thinking about all of them and shaking them around in my head and thinking about how i havent rped them in months and they’re starving and wasting away. sorry varus eros sobb agar keer plato and the sylvari i impulsively made one day. scratches head. kind of want to yap here but also in tags because i think tumblr works that way. people yap in the tags right
#i dont care im yapping in my tags#just noticed that like 90% of my creatures have 4 letter names#can you tell i like short names#what does this say about me i wonder#anyways#thinking about how i dont really have a commander oc#like yes i do the stories and stuff but none of my freaks is the commander#which isn’t a bad thinf i think#or a good thing#just a thing#i think the clooosest fella i have to being the commander is varus#why? i don’t know.#i think maybe because he’s who i started really playing gw2 with#went through all the stories with him#except for jw now. doing that with eros#sorry varus#i miss peitha#i miss varus and peitha#varitha my beloved#i wish i could talk about varus more without showing all my cards#i love all my creatures#thinking about them#i have so much to yap about but ill stop here i suppose#ok bye#mulchspeak
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for Valen + Gideon 💋 + 🎮, also 👋
Ideal date: valen loves a romantic picnic with activities, you can never go wrong with a sunset, some wine and card games 😌 gideon is a pilot so spontaneous day trips and exploring a new city is 10/10 plus it’s a free flight! fjskakhjs
Favorite hobby: valen has always been into music as a child he played violin and later joined as part of an orchestra he also sings, plays and really enjoys making music, gideon has 700 hobbies lol mostly he’s just out on his bike 🏍️. Their favorite shared hobby is tennis and judging ppl at the country club loll
Siblings: gideon is an only child but valen has a brother and he’s hot lmaoo this is his fc, I don’t know his name 😂
[Oc headcanons: Picture Edition!]
#thank you for the ask!!#🥺#this was a lot of fun and I love talking about them 🙏#valen is out there being music prodigy and his man collecting every vehicle license possible FJDKSJSK#his garage is like: 2 cars motorcycle a small plane#wouldn’t be surprised if he started driving a semi or something djskajdlk#also idk but tennis runs in this family apparently#valen’s nephews are tennis champions that compete nationally and stuff so that’s great#sometimes I forgot y’all don’t know how rich these ppl are#sometimes I don’t even know 😂#but yeah they’re Rich#love trust funds and generational wealth#ocs#my ocs#ask#valen x gideon
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sometimes i think about my spn oc and how i rewrote everything about amara to interact with the story i was trying to tell about her. there were some really neat ideas in that i need to recycle for something one day. like, in the show proper, they just let amara take over a human baby and that’s fine, but amara’s not Meant To Be Here. this entire universe is one constructed in her absence. saying she can possess a human body should be like saying if you took a person and sent them to a universe where 1+1=3, they could just figure out how to function within that.
which in story took the form of Amara being something that could not be Understood, only Rationalized. a force locked outside the narrative who could only get inside and destroy things if given a role within it. by the Winchesters as A Monster To Face. by Chuck as Wayward, Unreachable Sister. and by miss oc as. simultaneously a projected creature to be saved, an amalgamation of injustices done to herself (and others) that would never be righted but could be made up for by being a part of this. and as something impossibly powerful that could be both protection and purpose.
and the Darkness wasn’t any of those things, really, but to have agency in her own story required new shackles, but ones she was always straining against. she wouldn’t fit inside the confines of a human mind, let alone a body, at least not well enough to leave it Intact. like lucifer burning through nick, but Worse. because the burns were an expected outcome of skin not strong enough to hold him. humans were built for angels, some were built better and some worse, but they’re meant to work. putting amara in human skin should disconnect the skin and mind and soul from the reality her brother built itself, i think. slowly. bit by bit.
and at the same time, i’d gone and written the kind of wild scenario you really can only write for your thirteen year old mary sue, given that spn oc the part of herald/high priestess/failed vessel. which she pursued with wild abandon like that would fix anything wrong with her <3
in the end, running alongside the borrowed family theming of the original show was my own theme of “how much self-annihilation will you accept to make your point. are you accepting it, really. or are you seeking it.” not just physically, in letting something unmake the base components of what you are as it tries to fit inside you or in it constricting and suffocating itself beyond self-recognition to get inside in the first place, but, obviously, it’s supernatural, how much selfhood do you cede to your family. is it worth it.
it was interesting, if nothing else. let thirteen year old me cook. she had ideas.
#spn oc#don’t mind this i’m rambling about nothing i felt nostalgic about her (<- my oc)#there was also an explanation in the mix for why amara was called amara in this au too despite. you know. not being a baby.#and it was like. a vessel’s desperate attempt to separate itself from the thing inside it by naming it something other than itself.#like a last moment of self-preservation. the opposite of lucifer using nick’s face and us all agreeing to think of it as his. you know?#and amara means beauty.#it’s a very human need. to name things. and the thing is that humanity itself is antithetical to what amara is. in this au.#not because of any inherent quality of it. but because it was not made with her in mind.#i keep bringing up lucifer but he’s such a good comparison case of what thirteen year old me was trying to construct here#and what i can better explain now that im. not thirteen. but its that. lucifer has beef with humans because they have common ground.#the only reason he can hate them is because they’re recognizable to him. terrible little cockroaches. but something he understands.#amara as i conceived of her could not hate or love or understand humanity. or the world. or anything as we know it. because it was not made#to be seen by her. it was made with the express purpose of her never encountering it.#when i was thirteen i wanted her to be so much more alien than she was. unfortunately this is supernatural and supernatural deals in#Just Some Guy forever and ever <3#but it was my story so i made her fucked up and weird and beyond comprehension.#except. of course. when forced to bend into a shape that makes her Not her.#i don’t think proper envesseling would have been a process either her or the oc survived. not because they’d die but because they’d get.#stuck? i think? that was what the intent was. that they’d get melted together like plastic toys.#chuck had a nice smooth envesseling in this au because these toys are made for him.#and angels need consent and angels get bleedover from their vessels because the toys are shared with them but they’re closer to being toys#themselves too.#i’ve rambled enough honestly no one cares about this but me aksjfkjfks#what was i talking about. right! the naming!#the naming of amara is a nail in her coffin because she is named and it is so human to be named and to be perceived and to be shaped by that#perception. even without malicious intent. even to be looked at as destruction itself and be named beauty.#in the same way you kill what something could be by learning what it is. the way a unicorn dies when you discover how rhinos were drawn.#does that make sense? that’s what kills her. bit by bit.
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posting on here is like my sisyphean boulder i'm constantly rolling tbh
#god i am trying so hard to just have fun and be myself#but when i do that i'm immediately a strange outsider creep#and since i can't really mask my version of masking is just not talking and then obviously you don’t find any joy in fandom spaces either#i will always be a shitty unlikable freak no matter how much i pretend otherwise. it was obvious from the start that getting involved in#fandom spaces was a fucking mistake. it's always a mistake because you're some laughing stock at best and a horrifying freak at worst#i don't blame people for not liking me i've realised what an awful person i am long ago#but it's always so hard witnessing something like fun social groups from the sidelines knowing you'll never be a part of it#this is why my mental state has been deteriorating so severely in the last few months. that Realisation once again nothing fucking changed#i know it's stupid to get so upset over fandom but it's only a pattern for me#i stopped trying to be friends with people when i was a teenager because it hasn't worked a single time#this attempt at integrating myself into the wotr and bg3 fandom by sharing my shit was just one mistake#gortash/zeke is so different from anybody else’s work and i wish i could find joy in something that it isn’t fucking deranged but i can’t#like yes it’s just fandom bullshit! gortash/zeke is a fucking oc x canon ship! why am i getting so upset over it!#i love writing them. i’ve never been this happy writing anything. and it’s entirely indicative of a common pattern in my life#when i earnestly share parts of myself/things i’m passionate about people get creeped out. and honestly? rightfully so#i would leave the discord servers i’m in because it’s fucking crushing me dude. this is so petty but i’m so jealous of what you people have#but in one i am server owner and i don’t want to just dump that responsibility onto someone else and then dip#and in the other two i’m not sure anyone would even notice that i’m gone but i still worry about being rude#though i’m not entirely sure i didn’t get invited to one of those just so people could laugh at me. idk probably just being paranoid but i#it’s been gnawing at me#ok no if i’m being this vulnerable on tunglr.com i can also say that part of me staying is also still having the hope that i could fit in#one day. logically i know it won’t happen but it’s nice to have hope sometimes#watching you all from through the window having fun like a creep#so yeah. i’ve always felt like this but it’s been rapidly getting worse with my failed attempt at the bg3 fandom#idk just been crying non-stop for the last few hours. went through an entire pack of tissues in an hour it’s very disgusting#they’re all lying around me as i’m typing this like a pillowfort of snot lmao#so yeah. idk. if someone could come over and lobotomise me that’d be nice. orin where are you when we need you most#i never had any friends irl so i foolishly gave this a shot. i’m sorry#also doesn’t help that i can see someone dropping me for people that are easier to be around in irl rn#it just hurts because it’s always like that. someone you are around when you have no other option at best. not even that sometimes
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google search “how to connect with someone in a way that isn’t just talking about your own ocs”
#this is actually a problem. why is this a problem#i don’t know why it’s a problem. this sounds worse typing it out#it’s way too late to be having these emotions#i can talk to people fine but i have no idea how to start a conversation#augh#not sure why this hit me so suddenly tbh#strong emotions (good) suddenly turned into strong emotions (social inadequacy)#ramblings#if i ever want to talk to you about my ocs 99% of the time i’m trying to be closer friends#even when i have nothing to say about them#which becomes a problem when I just keep repeating it or say nothing bc i have nothing to say#but the emotion is there#i’m reaching out to you. i’m holding your hand.#i’m sorry i have nothing else to say. i love you. i love you.#personal#delete later
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you ever just see a post and just
. 😭
.⬅️🫀⬅️
#Worst emoji combo ever but it’s gon be such big depression hours down here so scroll if you want im on the brink of throwing up#don’t you just bloody love it how over the past 3 years you’ve only seen people the large total of…. 4 times!!! An average of seeing someon#outside of school 1.3 times per year!! What a bloody fantastic way to spend your teenage years!#Don’t you also just love it when people talk right to you about how they all went out together over the weekend and like did some stupid#shit like your average high schooler would do and you’re just like “oh. I went to my 1 and a half hour long dance class and got ignored the#entire time and when you did try to talk they just spoke over you” oh my fucking god I hate that place so much even the teacher fucking#ignores me once we were going in a circle and she was asking everyone what they got for Christmas and I was in the middle of the circle so#thought hey maybe someone will actually acknowledge my existence but she fucking ignored me and went to next person like why the fuck#And now I’m debating staying in that shithole bc I was invited to a gc for that class and I stupidly thought that someone might want me#There. I wasn’t even invited I secretly scanned the qr code to join over someone else’s shoulder#everyone else there is the best of bloody friends and I’m just there talking to one friend who I don’t even think is my friend#“Hey man I’m really fucking sad rn can I talk to you” “womp womp have you heard stupid fact no.3848594 about my ocs while I ignore you when#you talk about anything else about me” oh my god shut up literally no one else sane would see someone like that their closest friend rn#At least someone wants to talk to me#Like what is it that makes people not want to see my please just tell me I’ll change I’m amazing at changing my personality to fit others#promise me on that I’ve done it my entire life#Even just messaging me more than once every year and I’d consider you my best friend this is how bad I’m getting#What is so bloody bad about me that no one else likes I don’t care how badly you fucking word it just something#It shouldn’t be normal to wish death on people you call your mates bc you heard about them all going out together without you#Oh dear did the gc’s without me in it there’s one for every friend group I’ve ever been in why isn’t there one for the main group I’m in rn#Idfc anymore just tell me what I’m doing wrong I keep asking people if they want to go out or how far away they live from some place#And it’s always met with ignoring me talking over me or immediately changing the subject#Please if you’re someone I know irl what the fuck am I doing fucking wrong I can’t fucking do this anymore be as mean as you like#Why the fuck does no one ever want to be around me why do I hear so much about stuff others are doing together but never me#It shouldn’t be normal to prefer being in a toxic relationship than what I’m in rn#I fucking hate everything
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can you explain why you think people would wanna buy merch of your ocs
I’ve asked a question for that exact reason. I don’t know if people would want to!!
Asking never hurts and selling original art is the start of a business (which is what I am) so I’m genuinely just asking. It’s also not uncommon for people to sell merch of their ocs, hence again why I’m asking in the first place.
#misc: asks#misc: anonymous#I know my moots and I often talk about each others ocs like their our kids#so if someone sold prints of their oc I would totally wanna buy them!! but don’t know if that would apply in reverse#love how when I ask a general question tho I always get an anonymous ask lmaoooo
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Crush? esplain you have not esplain'd yet
BrO-
Do you understand??? Do you understand?????
#ask#about my ocs#me tag ∠( ᐛ 」 ) |/#this is why??? I love them so much????#I live to explore the intricacies of the living experience????#also forgot to add how your love for someone else and your own selfishness can clash together and become a jumbled mess of feelings & action#and how sometimes your love for someone else can cause you to do horrible things#or leave you vulnerable to temptation and manipulation#I’m not a psychiatrist I don’t know what I’m talking about but. do you understand
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thought I’d bring in some old ocs while I’m talking about ocs, I need to make some new sketches of the others involved but here’s some newer ones of just Moira (she/her) and Raven (he/him)! Moira is the brown dog and Raven is the orange cat as well as the fully colored cat :V
basically Raven is a former cultist with a guilty conscience to show for it and Moira is on a mission to push forth a prophecy, and she uses said prophecy to help Raven back on his feet (er, paws) and realize he still has a chance to better himself
#sorry for the oc spam LMAO I’m on a kick rn#I never talk about my StarTeller ocs anymore though so wanna give them some love again#there’s like six more main characters here so I’ll try to scribble them later or something#it’s been forever since I messed with these guys man#I will take asks for these guys if anhone’s interested I would love to talk about them I just don’t know how clear the answers will be#bc I wanna completely rework them#Moira#Raven#jutlin’s characters#ocs#cats#dogs#papillons
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something something billford convinced me I’m allowed to say Crayon and Moon dating has been a thing to me since the start I dunno man I just work here
#Processed thought sold in nice packages#I dunno there’s the two haters in my brain always trying to cancel me#So I avoided explicitly saying I think they’ve kissed on multiple occasions#and other cute gay shit but we’re not ready for that conversation yet#Yall don’t get to hear about post train pre incident shenanigans#Yall aren’t allowed to know how much they loved each other and thought they really could live a peaceful life together#Nuh uh !!! That’s for me to think through now that I’ve allowed myself to let them be gay#S.K talks about his dumb fuck OCs again#S.K brain dumps
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