#I don’t know how to talk about my ocs but I love them. And it’s all that matters 2 me
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Nights Like This Short: Late Night Thoughts
Roman x black!oc
Warnings: language, smut
Word count: 1.1k
a/n: if you would like to added to the tag list, or if i tagged you and it didn’t work, please feel free to let me know 🤍
Three weeks.
Roman hadn’t seen Zoe for three weeks since they first spoke. After his win he had decided to take some time off, and although he found his time away peaceful, he couldn’t stop thinking about her.
This was definitely new for Roman, and truth be told it wasn’t something he was used to.
Sure he’s fucked a bitch or two on the WWE roster, but never someone he has actually had any interest in. No one, and he means no one had caught his eye the way she did.
Not to mention how fucking beautiful she was. He remembered the way she stumbled whenever he stepped closer to her. Or the way his dick slightly hardened when she would look up at him with those big beautiful eyes. He loved the sound of her soft soothing voice, he could listen to her talk all day if she’d let him.
All these thoughts were running through his mind as he pulled up to the arena. As he stepped into the building and made his way through the corridors trying to find his private room, he bumped into Paul Heyman, who seemed to be waiting on him.
“Good evening my tribal chief, t-this way sir.” Roman silently followed his lead, he wasn’t exactly in the mood for talking. As he made it inside his spacious room, he signaled Paul to leave.
Roman appreciated the time to himself, he loves his wiseman, but he tends to irritate the fuck out of him when he talks his ears off.
As he went to change clothes, his steps were halted when he heard her voice in the hallway. He slowly turned around to open the door, when he stepped out the first thing he saw was her beautiful face. She started to walk towards him, he could tell she seemed hesitant at first.
“Look who finally decided to show up,” she grinned.
“You missed me sweetheart?” He smirked.
She paused for a moment, her cheeks were starting to redden. “Nah, I was just worried your wiseman was gonna have a stroke, he’s been a mess without you,” she smiled.
He laughed, “He’s a grown ass man, he’ll be alright.”
Speaking of the fucking devil. The wiseman popped out of nowhere, waddling over towards them. “T-triple H needs to speak with you m-my tribal chief.”
Roman was unamused, “I’m in the middle of something, he can wait.”
“B-but my tribal chief, it seemed v-very important.”
“It’s okay, go. Don’t want to be the reason the boss gets upset,” she offered a sympathetic smile.
Roman reluctantly nodded his head in agreement, “I’ll see you after?”
Her brows furrowed with confusion. “Don’t you usually leave right away?”
“Not if I have a reason to stay.”
She looked down with an nervous smile.
Roman walked away, as he turned the corner he immediately stopped and turned back around. He could see she was confused as to why he was jogging back towards her.
He pulled out his phone, handing it to her. “Your number, just in case I can’t find you after.”
She typed it in with no hesitation, most likely since she knew their boss was waiting.
“Thanks, see you later Zo.”
……………….
Roman got home late, he was pissed that his meetings after smackdown prevented him from seeing Zo before she left. The first thing he did when he got to his room, was take a shower and then lie down, his body was exhausted. As time passed he accepted the fact that he couldn’t fall asleep. As he was twisting and turning, his mind began to think about Zo. His thoughts became hornier as time passed. He couldn’t help but to imagine what it would be like to bend her over and fuck her till she came over and over again. His dick was getting hard just thinking about it, he imagined what her moans and screams would sound like. She’d probably be shy at first, until his dick felt too good for her to suppress her screams and moans.
As he was visualizing having her facedown on the bed while he fucked her rough and deep, he could feel his dick starting to throb. Roman pulled down his sweatpants and quickly slipped his hands in his boxers grabbing his big dick that already had a few beads of pre-cum dripping down. He spit on his hand and gently rolled his thumb over his thick mushroom head and slowly proceeded to start pulling on his shaft, his eyes were closed and his head was thrown back on the headboard.
“Fuck,” he moaned while slightly picking up the pace.
His big calloused hands worked up and down his veiny shaft, his groans were getting louder as he thought about how his dick would feel inside her soaked pussy. How she’d moan while he stretched her out, he’d probably be the biggest she’s ever had. She’d be addicted to his dick, the same way he’d be addicted to her pussy.
He imagined them switching positions with her on top of him, riding his dick allowing him to have the perfect view of her titties bouncing.
The thought of her moaning and squelching on his dick had him on the verge of coming, he started stroking faster. “Shit, just like that baby, ride this dick,” he whispered.
Roman imagined Zo whimpering and begging him to let her come again, but not yet, he wanted them to come together.
He’d guide her into a new position, missionary. A position that was once his least favorite, was now something that he wanted to do, with her. He wanted to see that beautiful face under his bulking body, unraveling for him. One hand teasing her clit, while the other gripped the headboard.
He was close, so fucking close.
Her tight pussy would grip and pull on his dick, their juices flowing together. “Go ahead baby, come for daddy,” he moaned, with his eyes were squeezed shut.
“Fuck, baby.” That was it. Roman couldn’t hold himself back any longer, he didn’t even have time to grab a rag before his cum spurt all over his stomach. He could feel it tricking down his abs.
Shit. He got up and walked to the bathroom, grabbing a rag and cleaning himself. He couldn’t remember the last time jerking off felt that good.
There was no denying that his attraction to her wasn’t going to be a phase, a small smile began to form on his face.
The tribal chief always gets what he wants, and in this moment, his number one priority was to make his fantasy a reality.
#roman reigns x black!oc#roman reigns x black reader#roman reigns fic#roman reigns x oc#roman reigns fanfiction#roman reigns smut#roman reigns#the tribal chief#otc#head of the table
142 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hey there ol buddy ol pal. LOVING your Wesker OC x canon. Adoring it even. I kick my feet for every new post about them I see.
I'm DYING to know what happened to Jordan after Wesker's death in RE5, or if you believe Wesker made it out alive and picked her up covered in lava a week later.
AHHH THANK YOU OF COURSE small warning it’s extremely long, it covers the end of Re5 as well. I added drawings at the end, skip to those if you’re not willing to read this entire ramble I went on ^^ work is under the cut as usual. Not proofread:
Okay so first of all right after Re5 she’s devastated. She’s on the helicopter cradling her head in her hands as everyone else is relieved that Wesker is finally dead. She knows he deserves it, she knows it’s just years worth of built up karma coming back to bite him in the ass, she should be happy. Wesker is an evil, evil man, she really shouldn’t be in love with him after everything, hell, he’s even hurt her, both unintentionally or not. But despite this, despite everything, she does, she always did and god it hurts like a bitch. It feels like the aftermath of Arklay all over again, except this time he’s gone, for real this time. She will never help him up in the morning, raking her fingers through his blond locks, styling it into pristine slicked back pompadour. She will never hear his smooth crooning voice that always managed to make the hairs on the back of her neck stand. She’s left heartbroken once more, without her husband, and her children, without a father.
The ride back is extremely tense. Chris and Jordan refuse to speak to eachother, resentment between the two parties forbidding them to do so. They’re both relieved, don’t get me wrong, they’re best friends, however they’re both pissed. Chris feels betrayed, Jordan had been presumed dead since before the Spencer Mansion Incident, but low and behold she’d been alive this whole time?? with HIM?? he knew she acted a bit too eager to hunt him down. The B.S.A.A. shouldn’t have sent her. To top it off, the fact she hadn’t even tried to help Jill? try to get ahold of him? anyone? It made him mad just thinking about it. Jordan on the other hand, is going through a whirlwind of emotions right now. She’s enraged at Chris, hell, he just killed her husband, however guilt, guilt is really what’s gnawing at her brain right now, especially since she’s trapped in a chopper for however long while everyone inside of it is beyond pissed at her. The first thing she does is apologize profusely to Jill, whom the other accepts very reluctantly, probably only because Jordan would talk to her P30 puppet every so often. When you’re alone almost 24/7 missing your friends and family it’d only be natural to try to talk to one of them since they’re in the vicinity, albeit a hollow shell of them.
Half of these conversations were tear-filled apologies, choked sobs as Jordan held Jill’s cold face, wishing she could do something about it. Other times Jordan would sit down and try to talk to her, catch her up on how her day was going, try to see if she could pull the old Jill out of her, conversations about S.T.A.R.S. and such were common here. Going over memories of a past life. Jill doesn’t blame Jordan for it, hell, the memory is foggy, but the first time Wesker had brought Jill into that wretched facility the two had gotten into a huge fight over it, the woman exclaiming how this was unacceptable and cruel, there is a line with Wesker’s plans that she’s willing to put up with, however Jill’s enslavement is one of them. The entire eugenics project itself had already put him on thin ice. Every single argument over Jill after that, Jordan’s arms were laced with bruises and things of that sort, Wesker by all means never hit her physically, however his iron grasp sure did leave a mark. Jill shivers at the memory upon recollection.
Overall Jordan is a complete mess, her last few years had been .. pretty horrible to say the least but at the very least she always had her Albert there with her. Adjusting to life after him is extremely hard for her as Wesker manipulated her into codependency, she falls back into her self destructive habits that she’d long since weened off after her initial reunion with Wesker. Excessive smoking, whether it be weed or a pack of Marlboro blues, a lot of her time is spent out on the porch chainsmoking. This habit extends to alcohol as well, hard hitters such as Tequila or Whiskey. Hangovers are now a common occurance as she rots in her bed, sometimes waking up with her hand reaching over on the other side, only for it to be cold and empty. Barry and Jaiden try their best to visit, try to get her out the house to break her isolation. Jaiden spends days on end sleeping over just to keep his sister company, sometimes he feels like he failed her, he should’ve been there for her more. It puts a horrible taste in his mouth to see his once very charismatic and extroverted sister become so.. broken, her light dimmed from everything that has happened to her. Jordan has a headstone made for Wesker and buries an empty casket in his bodys place, just to keep his memory alive. Every weekend she picks up his favourites: a bottle of Pinot Noir, Jack Daniels and some primroses from the local flowershop down the street. She sits against it , adorning the resting place with the flowers and alcohol, and just talks about her day, as if he’s still there. Over time she starts to feel better, starts to move on and reconnect with her loved ones again, reconnect with Chris and Jill. However this weekly visit is the only thing from her mourning period that carries over. She loves him, she really does.
That’s what like .. mainly happens if we’re sticking to the canon, where he’s actually y’neow, fucking dead. However let’s say he isn’t:
A few weeks after the events of Re5, Wesker shows up to her humble abode covered in ash and igneous rock. He’s injured all over and honestly not doing too good, every move of his muscles is excruciating and lacerations cover his body from head to toe. Jordan is extremely shocked and relieved to see him, yet harbors feelings of anger. Like, yeah you deserved that you idiot, what were you thinking? despite this, her love towards him makes her stay, helping to rehabilitate him. Wesker however, is kinda pissed and also! extremely humiliated. His plans are foiled once again by that fucking Redfield and to top it all off, he’s being nursed back to health as if he were a kicked puppy. I like to think during all of this, Wesker learns some emotional maturity, everything starts to click for him. For once in his life he actually starts to feel .. guilt, he feels sorry, time after time he’d put Jordan through hell, yet here she was, with him. It really makes him stop and reflect. He starts to atone for his sins, trying his best to treat Jordan better, whether it be biting his tongue to not say some ill-mannered quip or just surprising her with her favourite flowers; hydrangeas and roses. I like to think after Re5 if Wesker survives they live a simple domestic life, no more grandiose plans or fighting bioterrorism for either of them. Being with each other is enough.
Oh also Wesker still probably has control of Uroboros, I think he uses it to do things when he’s too lazy, like grabbing the remote when he’s couch-locked. When they’re sleeping they wrap around her without him realizing. Jordan gave each and every tendril a name also, one of them is named Paul. Paul is her favourite.
doodles:
#Again I am so sorry if I didn’t nail the characterizations down#or the writing ahhh my biggest insecurity#i wrote this very high! so I hope it atleast makes sense#I really like how top right doodle of post re5 wesker looks ahhh it came out nice#thank you for the ask ml!! <33 had a ton of fun writing this one out#albert wesker#resident evil#oc x canon#resident evil oc#biohazard#re oc#dbd wesker#oc#fengshuioc#fengshuispeaks#jordan manalang#biohazard oc
26 notes
·
View notes
Text
Here is what I do like about Veilguard.
Long story short: While I have some gripes about the game, there are the things I do like about Veilguard. I have 150 hours in this game and I’m a slow player. (I also love lore.)
Gameplay! Which surprised me because I didn’t like playing warrior or rogue in the other games. But I think Veilguard does have cool playstyles that I thoroughly enjoy.
My current run is a Nightmare Grey Warden Warrior, that’s going to romance Harding, uses sword and shield. The war hammer is a bit slow to me but I’m definitely going to try it in another run.
(I also have another run going beside this to play a Veil Jumper-Veil Ranger to romance Bellara with as a break from Nightmare.)
I usually pick playing a mage (I like magic), but having played a Rogue Laidir (romanced Neve) and a Mage Ingellvar (romancing Lucanis again) as well has been so much fun!
I don’t do crazy builds because I’m just here for the story, but the combat is genuinely fun to me.
Though I find Lords of Fortune kinda lacking, I enjoy the factions. Mourn Watch is my favorite by far, and I think the leaders/contacts are everything. As someone who has only consumed the games of Dragon Age, these people (Viago & Teia, Evka & Antoine) make me want to pick up the book they are in. (Tevinter Nights I believe.)
I love, love, love, love, LOVE the level designs! Weisshaupt is possibly one of my favorite missions to play, along side anything in Treviso and Blackthorn Manor. They are very special to me! I love exploring areas, and wish they weren’t always level locked but I get it.
Though I haven’t figured out how to fix the annoying garbling audio bug I have in heavily dense areas like Arlathan, Treviso and Minrathous, otherwise I have a good time.
I enjoy the romances as they are, and can acknowledge that they feel flat. I am constantly giggling like a blushing idiot when I flirt with everyone because it’s honestly good for what it is! Yes, I think we’re missing content and the pacing is weird, but I like it because there are little moments where you get the feel of the companions personality. (Davrin’s Thrill of the Chase is honestly a must have every play through until I pull a reverse Zevran on his ass!)
And the different romances have given me seven new ocs to explore and revisit whenever I want!
I’m the kind of person that plays ‘everyone gets a girlfriend unless I have to play a man’. Dorian Pavus is a special case and I would do it again for him. Anything for the archon.
Sidebar: Okay yeah, it’s interesting that if you choose Treviso that Dorian becomes Archon, because if you choose Minrathous you can choose between Dorian and Maevaris. Hearing Mae say this isn’t the South was what made me think more deeply about choosing Dorian for my Laidir run. Because Dorian’s revolution vs Mae’s talks was kinda pointless because they could’ve easily co-piloted change in Tevinter, I mean they support each other no matter what already, why not just co-pilot the big chair? I get Dorian’s POV of everything must go in order to change (echoes of Anders and Divine Leliana) and that’s why I choose Dorian. Because sometimes talk doesn’t work.
Anyway, moving on.
I think of the endings, I like the tricking Solas one and the Solavellan / Inquisitor Friendship ones the most. If my Inquisitor wants to stop Solas, I will just skip using Mythal’s essence altogether for the sake of keeping true to what I headcanon for my oc, you know? (Though, most of my Inquisitors hold Solas in a high regard so it’s rare that I don’t try to save him.)
I like the codex entries, some of them feel very personalized, though I wish Rook had more mentions like the grocery list where they requested chocolate. (Inquisitor’s unhealthy obsession with elfroot makes a comeback?)
Important game information shouldn’t be tucked away in the codex, but it’s still enjoyable to sit and read the little references. (TR signed Rocking Griffons have my heart!!)
I wanted to see more of the Evanuris, and wished we didn’t brush by the revelation we just uncovered the origins of the Chantry. (Poor Harding.) I think we got lucky that the other Evanuris aren’t around anymore. Would’ve been an absolute nightmare to deal with.
I don’t like the dragon fights! How dare the Dragon Age for me to fight the dragons that are coming back! Leave ‘em alone (lovingly).
Yes, I think there are areas where this game needs improvement (lore consistency, player agency, etc.) but I like Veilguard for what it is and can see myself returning to more often than the previous installments.
Veilguard has potential, I just think it’s a matter of time for me to get through the gripes I have with it.
#dragon age#gnawing at the bars of my enclosure#veilguard spoilers#datv spoilers#datv#dragon age the veilguard#yapping#is this anything#gathering my thoughts#da rook#veilguard positive
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
@mountainashfae @outeremissary I like to think about the banter they’d get into
#my art#pathfinder 2e#xioyun#vio miette#balthazar lucienne#RAAAAAAAAH I LOVE PEOPLE’S OCS#I LOVE TALKING ABOUT OCS AND MAKING THEM INTERACT LIKE PAPER DOLLS!!!!#but i don’t do it all the time cause i don’t wanna be weird#i swear i need like a permission form or something to know how often it’s ok for me to draw other peoples’ ocs
31 notes
·
View notes
Text
Sometimes you have to make shitty little OCxCanon comics to keep yourself sane
Sorry @mysticalcats I stole ur oc (foxglove)
#see so I say that but I literally lost my mind creating this I almost gave myself a lobotomy at least 5 times#can. can you tell I don’t know how to draw people kissing. can. can you tell#hahshsshhahsbshsghshshddghhiiygfdanan#I almost criedddddd#bright side!!!!! Vicci and foxglove turned out SUPER cute especially foxglove funky little guy#in case it isn’t clear they’re talking about moths in the first panel#idk man I just thought this would be funny and it still kind of is#‘was that ur gf?’#‘my what’#abahshs#Bluebelle’s silliest moment (fell in love)#anyhow SHOUTOUT TO GREAT COMET AND THE MABEL PODCAST HOLY FUCK#actually would have dropped off the face of the earth if not for them#teeeeeheeeeeeeeeeeeee *dies explodes burns drowns*#rip tear shred maim#I can’t believe I’m posting this girlskies#what you all must think of me lmaoooooo#ANYWAY live laugh love you starlight express#the kiss (yk the one) is keeping me sane#evil men polycule fr#Chaumet you’re next#expect Bluebeard to appear too because I think I’m funny sometimes#cats the musical#cats musical#oc x canon#cats oc#jellicle oc#victoria cats#cats victoria#sorah’s silly scribbles
36 notes
·
View notes
Note
do you have a ref for your piral…..
SMILES SO SWEETLY. GLAD YOU ASKED !!!!!! VERY GLAD
^ my piral [don’t mind the chemicalfuzzy @ , I go by it on every site that isn’t this one]
ANDDDD to anyone out there who doesn’t know him !!! this is Damon, and As You Can See he is very very based off hit album the downward spiral by nine inch nails. design-wise he’s also kind of based off a heart and club moth [first design] / a comet moth [second design]
he gets 2 whole designs one that’s just. The normal one [IN QUOTATION MARKS LOL], and another that’s him after title track + Hurt happens [yeah they. They happen btw] [and then there’s these 2 other guys that revive him all weird later on , I’ll . I’ll talk about all dat in some other post but that’s the idea
he has been the number 1 plaguer of my mind lately BUT I do have a whole lot of other album based ocs I cherish dearly INCLUDING OTHER NIN ALBUMS !!! I do plan to post them all eventually I’m just very shy LMAO
under the cut is just extra stupid drawings . see him face :}
#asterdoodle#asteranswer#oc — damon#MY PIRAL !!!!!!!!#anyone feel free to ask anything about him btw or anyone else really#I don’t know how to talk about my ocs but I love them. And it’s all that matters 2 me#oc posting#TRIED to keep this relatively short because you just asked for a ref orion oops#and also I’m eepy#buuuut he’ll get a better yapfest later maybe idk I can talk about design notes or whateva#i haven’t oc posted on tumblr in ages sorry if im all over the place <\3
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
OC DUMP!!!!! And a rambly life update haha
Haven’t been drawing a lot because the semester was difficult ESPECIALLY around finals. As a break between studying I would often sketch my Kirby ocs! These were are all scattered throughout August - December. Still making the ref for Sir Meteor, so he hasn’t been introduced officially yet (unless you have seen me post about him in discords lol), but he’s been a work-in-progress ever since I posted those allosaurus skull studies in August X)
My winter break has started recently and I’m itching to create again, especially since I have those requests that I opened, I wanted to do them way faster but assignments are priority sadly. As a reward for anyone who has read this far, have a peek at my next planned full piece!
#snappy’s art tag#ik my tumblr followers don’t care about my ocs bc I’ve never talked about them but look at the blorbos from my brain#also you guys don’t know how obsessed I am with Buggy I love her#my art#kirby oc: Buggy#kirby oc: Sir Meteor#kirby oc: Terra Knight#not really but he has a cameo#EVER SINCE I INTRODUCED TERRA KNIGHT IN 2022 I WANTED TO DRAW HIS OLDER BROTHER SO BAD!!!#I’m so happy I found the perfect fit for his name#fun fact about Meteor! his name used to be Paleo Knight but it really didn’t fit him or my oc lore#also the twin tails on his cape are supposed to look a bit like comet tails! referencing the meteor that wiped out the dinosaurs#I had a bunch of people help me narrow down a pauldron design and the shapereferences the meteor as well :)#I PUT SO MUCH INTO HIS CONCEPT
46 notes
·
View notes
Text
thinking about my gw2 fellas because i can’t play right now. thinking about all of them and shaking them around in my head and thinking about how i havent rped them in months and they’re starving and wasting away. sorry varus eros sobb agar keer plato and the sylvari i impulsively made one day. scratches head. kind of want to yap here but also in tags because i think tumblr works that way. people yap in the tags right
#i dont care im yapping in my tags#just noticed that like 90% of my creatures have 4 letter names#can you tell i like short names#what does this say about me i wonder#anyways#thinking about how i dont really have a commander oc#like yes i do the stories and stuff but none of my freaks is the commander#which isn’t a bad thinf i think#or a good thing#just a thing#i think the clooosest fella i have to being the commander is varus#why? i don’t know.#i think maybe because he’s who i started really playing gw2 with#went through all the stories with him#except for jw now. doing that with eros#sorry varus#i miss peitha#i miss varus and peitha#varitha my beloved#i wish i could talk about varus more without showing all my cards#i love all my creatures#thinking about them#i have so much to yap about but ill stop here i suppose#ok bye#mulchspeak
8 notes
·
View notes
Note
for Valen + Gideon 💋 + 🎮, also 👋
Ideal date: valen loves a romantic picnic with activities, you can never go wrong with a sunset, some wine and card games 😌 gideon is a pilot so spontaneous day trips and exploring a new city is 10/10 plus it’s a free flight! fjskakhjs
Favorite hobby: valen has always been into music as a child he played violin and later joined as part of an orchestra he also sings, plays and really enjoys making music, gideon has 700 hobbies lol mostly he’s just out on his bike 🏍️. Their favorite shared hobby is tennis and judging ppl at the country club loll
Siblings: gideon is an only child but valen has a brother and he’s hot lmaoo this is his fc, I don’t know his name 😂
[Oc headcanons: Picture Edition!]
#thank you for the ask!!#🥺#this was a lot of fun and I love talking about them 🙏#valen is out there being music prodigy and his man collecting every vehicle license possible FJDKSJSK#his garage is like: 2 cars motorcycle a small plane#wouldn’t be surprised if he started driving a semi or something djskajdlk#also idk but tennis runs in this family apparently#valen’s nephews are tennis champions that compete nationally and stuff so that’s great#sometimes I forgot y’all don’t know how rich these ppl are#sometimes I don’t even know 😂#but yeah they’re Rich#love trust funds and generational wealth#ocs#my ocs#ask#valen x gideon
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
sometimes i think about my spn oc and how i rewrote everything about amara to interact with the story i was trying to tell about her. there were some really neat ideas in that i need to recycle for something one day. like, in the show proper, they just let amara take over a human baby and that’s fine, but amara’s not Meant To Be Here. this entire universe is one constructed in her absence. saying she can possess a human body should be like saying if you took a person and sent them to a universe where 1+1=3, they could just figure out how to function within that.
which in story took the form of Amara being something that could not be Understood, only Rationalized. a force locked outside the narrative who could only get inside and destroy things if given a role within it. by the Winchesters as A Monster To Face. by Chuck as Wayward, Unreachable Sister. and by miss oc as. simultaneously a projected creature to be saved, an amalgamation of injustices done to herself (and others) that would never be righted but could be made up for by being a part of this. and as something impossibly powerful that could be both protection and purpose.
and the Darkness wasn’t any of those things, really, but to have agency in her own story required new shackles, but ones she was always straining against. she wouldn’t fit inside the confines of a human mind, let alone a body, at least not well enough to leave it Intact. like lucifer burning through nick, but Worse. because the burns were an expected outcome of skin not strong enough to hold him. humans were built for angels, some were built better and some worse, but they’re meant to work. putting amara in human skin should disconnect the skin and mind and soul from the reality her brother built itself, i think. slowly. bit by bit.
and at the same time, i’d gone and written the kind of wild scenario you really can only write for your thirteen year old mary sue, given that spn oc the part of herald/high priestess/failed vessel. which she pursued with wild abandon like that would fix anything wrong with her <3
in the end, running alongside the borrowed family theming of the original show was my own theme of “how much self-annihilation will you accept to make your point. are you accepting it, really. or are you seeking it.” not just physically, in letting something unmake the base components of what you are as it tries to fit inside you or in it constricting and suffocating itself beyond self-recognition to get inside in the first place, but, obviously, it’s supernatural, how much selfhood do you cede to your family. is it worth it.
it was interesting, if nothing else. let thirteen year old me cook. she had ideas.
#spn oc#don’t mind this i’m rambling about nothing i felt nostalgic about her (<- my oc)#there was also an explanation in the mix for why amara was called amara in this au too despite. you know. not being a baby.#and it was like. a vessel’s desperate attempt to separate itself from the thing inside it by naming it something other than itself.#like a last moment of self-preservation. the opposite of lucifer using nick’s face and us all agreeing to think of it as his. you know?#and amara means beauty.#it’s a very human need. to name things. and the thing is that humanity itself is antithetical to what amara is. in this au.#not because of any inherent quality of it. but because it was not made with her in mind.#i keep bringing up lucifer but he’s such a good comparison case of what thirteen year old me was trying to construct here#and what i can better explain now that im. not thirteen. but its that. lucifer has beef with humans because they have common ground.#the only reason he can hate them is because they’re recognizable to him. terrible little cockroaches. but something he understands.#amara as i conceived of her could not hate or love or understand humanity. or the world. or anything as we know it. because it was not made#to be seen by her. it was made with the express purpose of her never encountering it.#when i was thirteen i wanted her to be so much more alien than she was. unfortunately this is supernatural and supernatural deals in#Just Some Guy forever and ever <3#but it was my story so i made her fucked up and weird and beyond comprehension.#except. of course. when forced to bend into a shape that makes her Not her.#i don’t think proper envesseling would have been a process either her or the oc survived. not because they’d die but because they’d get.#stuck? i think? that was what the intent was. that they’d get melted together like plastic toys.#chuck had a nice smooth envesseling in this au because these toys are made for him.#and angels need consent and angels get bleedover from their vessels because the toys are shared with them but they’re closer to being toys#themselves too.#i’ve rambled enough honestly no one cares about this but me aksjfkjfks#what was i talking about. right! the naming!#the naming of amara is a nail in her coffin because she is named and it is so human to be named and to be perceived and to be shaped by that#perception. even without malicious intent. even to be looked at as destruction itself and be named beauty.#in the same way you kill what something could be by learning what it is. the way a unicorn dies when you discover how rhinos were drawn.#does that make sense? that’s what kills her. bit by bit.
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
posting on here is like my sisyphean boulder i'm constantly rolling tbh
#god i am trying so hard to just have fun and be myself#but when i do that i'm immediately a strange outsider creep#and since i can't really mask my version of masking is just not talking and then obviously you don’t find any joy in fandom spaces either#i will always be a shitty unlikable freak no matter how much i pretend otherwise. it was obvious from the start that getting involved in#fandom spaces was a fucking mistake. it's always a mistake because you're some laughing stock at best and a horrifying freak at worst#i don't blame people for not liking me i've realised what an awful person i am long ago#but it's always so hard witnessing something like fun social groups from the sidelines knowing you'll never be a part of it#this is why my mental state has been deteriorating so severely in the last few months. that Realisation once again nothing fucking changed#i know it's stupid to get so upset over fandom but it's only a pattern for me#i stopped trying to be friends with people when i was a teenager because it hasn't worked a single time#this attempt at integrating myself into the wotr and bg3 fandom by sharing my shit was just one mistake#gortash/zeke is so different from anybody else’s work and i wish i could find joy in something that it isn’t fucking deranged but i can’t#like yes it’s just fandom bullshit! gortash/zeke is a fucking oc x canon ship! why am i getting so upset over it!#i love writing them. i’ve never been this happy writing anything. and it’s entirely indicative of a common pattern in my life#when i earnestly share parts of myself/things i’m passionate about people get creeped out. and honestly? rightfully so#i would leave the discord servers i’m in because it’s fucking crushing me dude. this is so petty but i’m so jealous of what you people have#but in one i am server owner and i don’t want to just dump that responsibility onto someone else and then dip#and in the other two i’m not sure anyone would even notice that i’m gone but i still worry about being rude#though i’m not entirely sure i didn’t get invited to one of those just so people could laugh at me. idk probably just being paranoid but i#it’s been gnawing at me#ok no if i’m being this vulnerable on tunglr.com i can also say that part of me staying is also still having the hope that i could fit in#one day. logically i know it won’t happen but it’s nice to have hope sometimes#watching you all from through the window having fun like a creep#so yeah. i’ve always felt like this but it’s been rapidly getting worse with my failed attempt at the bg3 fandom#idk just been crying non-stop for the last few hours. went through an entire pack of tissues in an hour it’s very disgusting#they’re all lying around me as i’m typing this like a pillowfort of snot lmao#so yeah. idk. if someone could come over and lobotomise me that’d be nice. orin where are you when we need you most#i never had any friends irl so i foolishly gave this a shot. i’m sorry#also doesn’t help that i can see someone dropping me for people that are easier to be around in irl rn#it just hurts because it’s always like that. someone you are around when you have no other option at best. not even that sometimes
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
google search “how to connect with someone in a way that isn’t just talking about your own ocs”
#this is actually a problem. why is this a problem#i don’t know why it’s a problem. this sounds worse typing it out#it’s way too late to be having these emotions#i can talk to people fine but i have no idea how to start a conversation#augh#not sure why this hit me so suddenly tbh#strong emotions (good) suddenly turned into strong emotions (social inadequacy)#ramblings#if i ever want to talk to you about my ocs 99% of the time i’m trying to be closer friends#even when i have nothing to say about them#which becomes a problem when I just keep repeating it or say nothing bc i have nothing to say#but the emotion is there#i’m reaching out to you. i’m holding your hand.#i’m sorry i have nothing else to say. i love you. i love you.#personal#delete later
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
you ever just see a post and just
. 😭
.⬅️🫀⬅️
#Worst emoji combo ever but it’s gon be such big depression hours down here so scroll if you want im on the brink of throwing up#don’t you just bloody love it how over the past 3 years you’ve only seen people the large total of…. 4 times!!! An average of seeing someon#outside of school 1.3 times per year!! What a bloody fantastic way to spend your teenage years!#Don’t you also just love it when people talk right to you about how they all went out together over the weekend and like did some stupid#shit like your average high schooler would do and you’re just like “oh. I went to my 1 and a half hour long dance class and got ignored the#entire time and when you did try to talk they just spoke over you” oh my fucking god I hate that place so much even the teacher fucking#ignores me once we were going in a circle and she was asking everyone what they got for Christmas and I was in the middle of the circle so#thought hey maybe someone will actually acknowledge my existence but she fucking ignored me and went to next person like why the fuck#And now I’m debating staying in that shithole bc I was invited to a gc for that class and I stupidly thought that someone might want me#There. I wasn’t even invited I secretly scanned the qr code to join over someone else’s shoulder#everyone else there is the best of bloody friends and I’m just there talking to one friend who I don’t even think is my friend#“Hey man I’m really fucking sad rn can I talk to you” “womp womp have you heard stupid fact no.3848594 about my ocs while I ignore you when#you talk about anything else about me” oh my god shut up literally no one else sane would see someone like that their closest friend rn#At least someone wants to talk to me#Like what is it that makes people not want to see my please just tell me I’ll change I’m amazing at changing my personality to fit others#promise me on that I’ve done it my entire life#Even just messaging me more than once every year and I’d consider you my best friend this is how bad I’m getting#What is so bloody bad about me that no one else likes I don’t care how badly you fucking word it just something#It shouldn’t be normal to wish death on people you call your mates bc you heard about them all going out together without you#Oh dear did the gc’s without me in it there’s one for every friend group I’ve ever been in why isn’t there one for the main group I’m in rn#Idfc anymore just tell me what I’m doing wrong I keep asking people if they want to go out or how far away they live from some place#And it’s always met with ignoring me talking over me or immediately changing the subject#Please if you’re someone I know irl what the fuck am I doing fucking wrong I can’t fucking do this anymore be as mean as you like#Why the fuck does no one ever want to be around me why do I hear so much about stuff others are doing together but never me#It shouldn’t be normal to prefer being in a toxic relationship than what I’m in rn#I fucking hate everything
2 notes
·
View notes
Note
can you explain why you think people would wanna buy merch of your ocs
I’ve asked a question for that exact reason. I don’t know if people would want to!!
Asking never hurts and selling original art is the start of a business (which is what I am) so I’m genuinely just asking. It’s also not uncommon for people to sell merch of their ocs, hence again why I’m asking in the first place.
#misc: asks#misc: anonymous#I know my moots and I often talk about each others ocs like their our kids#so if someone sold prints of their oc I would totally wanna buy them!! but don’t know if that would apply in reverse#love how when I ask a general question tho I always get an anonymous ask lmaoooo
7 notes
·
View notes
Note
Crush? esplain you have not esplain'd yet
BrO-
Do you understand??? Do you understand?????
#ask#about my ocs#me tag ∠( ᐛ 」 ) |/#this is why??? I love them so much????#I live to explore the intricacies of the living experience????#also forgot to add how your love for someone else and your own selfishness can clash together and become a jumbled mess of feelings & action#and how sometimes your love for someone else can cause you to do horrible things#or leave you vulnerable to temptation and manipulation#I’m not a psychiatrist I don’t know what I’m talking about but. do you understand
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
I feel like ‘found family’ has become such a idk watered down ready for marketing term but WOW do I really really love like. unprepared adult finding a child and needing to raise and help them stories. 🥺 especially if the child/‘parent’ are fundamentally very different and the parent is doing what they can to try and support the child to the best of their ability with their different needs even if they don’t fully understand.
I’ve been thinking a lot about my Sharpstone characters and seeing the wild robot tonight reminded me of my original story concept which was Jasper finding a lost monster/vampire/bat kid that’s completely different from him and helping her. (+ Lio along too) Even tho I decided to focus on their story before that bc it was more interesting and would set up things better for that first idea, I still really like that story it’s very special to me. I hope I do get to tell it someday. Maybe I’ll doodle bits of it….
#under readmore bc. idk. just me talking#this may b too personal#don’t read into this#I rly like the ‘I dont know how to do this I’ve never taken care of someone else but I need to help them’#marginally related but that’s what I found rly compelling about the mandalorian even though uh. it stopped focusing on that. and got bad.#I loveeeee we may be very different but I still love you and will help you even if I’ll never understand what it’s like to be you#you know???#you get me??????#hash tag autism moments#.doc#my ocs
0 notes