#I don’t give a fuck what you think about Taylor swift this is a beautiful piece

[steveyockey]

In 2009, I was sentenced to life in prison. Early one morning, I boarded a bus in shackles and a disposable jumpsuit, and rode to Calipatria State Prison, a cement fortress on the southern fringes of California. Triple-digit temperatures, cracked orange soil, and pungent whiffs of the nearby Salton Sea made me feel as though I’d been exiled to Mars. After six years in the chaos of the county jail, however, I could finally own small luxuries, like a television. The thick walls of Calipat, as we called the place, stifled our radio reception, but an institutional antenna delivered shows like “Access Hollywood,” “Entertainment Tonight,” and “TMZ.” I was irritated by the celebrity gossip, but it was a connection to the outside world, and it introduced me to snippets of Swift’s performances for the first time. Here and there, I’d catch her on “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” or “Fallon,” and was surprised by how intently she discussed her songwriting. I didn’t tell anyone that I thought she was talented.

In 2013, when my security level was lowered owing to good behavior, I requested a transfer to Solano state prison, the facility with a Level 3 yard which was closest to my family in the Bay Area. I got the transfer, but my property—a TV, CD player, soap, toothpaste, lotion, food—was lost in transit. I shared a cell with someone in the same situation, so, for months, we relied on the kindness of our neighbors to get by. Our only source of music was a borrowed pocket radio, hooked up to earbuds that cost three dollars at the commissary. At night, we’d crank up the volume and lay the earbuds on the desk in our cell. Those tiny speakers radiated crickety renditions of Top Forty hits.

During that time, I heard tracks from “Red,” Swift’s fourth studio album, virtually every hour. I was starting to enjoy them. Laying on the top bunk, I would listen to my cellmate’s snores and wait for “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” to come around again. When it did, I would think about the woman I had lived with for seven years, before prison. I remembered bittersweet times when my sweetheart had visited me in county jail. We’d look at each other through security glass that was reinforced by wire. It didn’t seem fair to expect her to wait for me, and I told her that she deserved a partner who could be with her. But we didn’t use the word “never,” and deep down I always hoped that we’d get back together. When I heard “Everything Has Changed,” I had to fight back tears of exaltation and grief. Swift sings, “All I knew this morning when I woke / Is I know something now / Know something now I didn’t before.” I thought back to our first date, and how we had talked and laughed late into the night. We had to force ourselves to get a few hours of sleep before sunrise.

For the past two decades, sleep has not come easily to me. Often, when I get into bed, I think about the day I was arrested at the scene of my crime. Some neighbors called 911 and reported gunshots. I can still see the grieving family members of the man I killed, staring at me in the courtroom at my trial. I’m guilty of more than murder. I abandoned my parents and my sweetheart, too. There’s no way to fix this stuff.

Taylor Swift is currently the same age, thirty-three, that I was when I was arrested. I wonder whether her music would have resonated with me when I was her age. I wonder whether I would have reacted to the words “I’m the problem, it’s me.” Hers must be champagne problems compared with mine, but I still see myself in them. “I’ll stare directly at the sun, but never in the mirror,” Swift sings, and I think of the three-by-five-inch plastic mirrors that are available inside. For years out there, I viewed myself as the antihero in my own warped self-narrative. Do I want to see myself clearly?

In “Karma,” Swift sings, “Ask me what I learned from all those years / Ask me what I earned from all those tears.” A few months from now, California’s Board of Parole Hearings will ask me questions like that. What have I learned? What do I have to show for my twenty years of incarceration? In the months ahead, when these questions keep me up at night, I will listen to “Midnights.” The woman I love says she’s ready to meet me on the other side of the prison wall, on the day that I walk into the daylight. Recently, she asked me, “If you could go anywhere, do anything, that first day out, what would you want us to go do?” That question keeps me up at night, too.

[pucksandpower]

Disturbing the Peace

Happy Nation: A Series of Standalone Fics

Max Verstappen x Vettel!Reader

Summary: an environmental activist disturbs the carefully constructed peace of Max’s life and turns his whole world on its head (or in which environmentalism and being a menace both run in the Vettel family)

Max strides across the tarmac towards his sleek private jet, ready to head up to the Red Bull Racing factory in Milton Keynes after a weekend of relaxation back home in Monaco. But he stops short as his eyes land on a cluster of protesters glued to the ground around his jet’s landing gear.

A gruff security guard approaches Max. “Sorry sir, we’ve got a bit of a situation here with these Greenpeace loons. They snuck past the perimeter and glued themselves down before we could stop them.”

Max scowls as he reads the words Fossil Fuels = Destruction scrawled across one of the protester’s shirts. He storms over, fists clenched at his sides.

“What the hell do you people think you’re doing?” he fumes, glaring at the seated activists. “You realize you’re costing me tens of thousands just by delaying my flight?”

“That’s kind of the point, bro,” one long-haired guy shoots back with a snide grin. “You’re one of the worst celebrity polluters on the planet.”

But Max’s gaze is drawn irresistibly to you — a beautiful young woman with fierce eyes and hair whipping around your face in the coastal wind. There’s an intensity and passion burning behind your stare that Max finds himself unexpectedly captivated by.

You rise gracefully to your feet, the only one not glued down, and take a step towards the fuming Formula 1 star. “Max Verstappen. Out of all celebrities last year, you were the 20th highest personal polluter. Even higher than Taylor Swift.”

There’s an unmistakable blend of reproach and attraction in your tone that throws Max off balance. He scoffs, trying to regain his bravado.

“What, are you stalking me or something? And I’m supposed to care what some random activist chick thinks?”

You level him with a pointed look. “Not some random chick. Y/N Vettel. Sebastian’s sister. And yes, you should care, because this is your planet too.”

Max blinks in surprise at the familiar surname, now recognizing the resemblance to his former competitor.

Oh fuck, not this girl.

He can’t resist giving you another once-over, taking in your lithe frame, the jut of your chin as you stare him down defiantly.

An amused smirk tugs at his lips despite himself. “Vettel, huh? I should’ve known. You two do have a thing for causing drama wherever you go.”

The dig lands but you don’t rise to the bait, shaking your head minutely. “This has nothing to do with drama, Max. It’s about doing what’s right for the environment before it’s too late to save it.”

“Oh, spare me the self-righteous preaching,” Max scoffs, reflexively going on the defensive even as a small part of him admires the conviction in your voice. “Like your jet-setting around to protest events is really doing the planet any favors.”

You raise an incredulous eyebrow. “Jet-setting? I take public transit everywhere. Planes are the exception for international events, and I always buy carbon offsets.”

Max feels a flicker of grudging respect at that before quickly stamping it down. He folds his arms across his chest, fixing you with a challenging stare. “Yeah? Well what about your clothes? I’m guessing that shirt was made from petroleum-based synthetic fabrics.”

A look of surprise crosses your face before you recover with a small shake of your head. “It’s actually bamboo. Petroleum-free and sustainably sourced.”

“Your shoes then,” Max presses, gaze dropping to the canvas flats on your feet.

You lift one demonstratively. “Recycled rubber.”

His eyes narrow as he struggles to find another example to poke holes in your lifestyle. You watch him search with ill-disguised amusement, finally taking pity.

“Listen Max, I’m not saying I’m perfect. Nobody is. The point is to keep trying to do better where we can.” Your eyes hold sincerity and — though Max is loath to admit it — wisdom beyond your years. “But you’re in a position of power. With all your money and influence, just think what you could do for sustainability initiatives. How many trees you could plant or clean energy projects you could fund with just a fraction of what you spend on private flights and gas-guzzling supercars every year.”

Max shifts, discomfited by the practicality of your words. It’s harder to be glib and dismissive when you’re not ranting incoherently about the planet dying, but making reasoned arguments. Especially with that intense, scrutinizing gaze fixed so squarely on him.

He clears his throat, resorting to sarcasm as a defense mechanism. “Yeah, that’s cute and all. But then who would keep all those gas station attendants employed? I’m doing them a public service, really.”

The ghost of a smirk curves your lips in a way that makes Max’s chest tighten unexpectedly. “How very philanthropic of you.”

He has to look away from the spark of challenge and — yes, flirtation — in your expression. Max isn’t sure when this stopped being a confrontation and turned into some sort of tense back-and-forth bristling with inexplicable chemistry, but it’s rapidly becoming unnerving.

Seeming to sense you’ve flustered him, you lean in conspiratorially. “You know Max, for someone who acts like such an edgy bad boy, you’re not so tough. I think deep down you know I’m right.”

Max’s jaw ticks stubbornly even as his cheeks burn at your proximity, at the sweet floral scent of your shampoo drifting across the scant distance between you. “You don’t know a damn thing about me.”

In a daring move, you reach out and lay a hand on his arm. His breath hitches just slightly at the contact as you hold his gaze intently. “Then help me understand. Join me for dinner sometime and we can talk more about this over something other than just shouting at each other.”

The gentle touch, combined with the sincerity shining warmly through those big widened eyes, takes Max completely off guard. He opens his mouth, then closes it, abruptly unsure how to respond to such an olive branch extended from his vehement critic just moments ago.

Before he can formulate a reply, the wail of sirens pierces the air. A police cruiser pulls up as four officers jump out, advancing menacingly towards your compatriots still glued to the pavement.

“Alright, that’s enough here,” the barrel-chested sergeant barks gruffly. “You’re all under arrest for criminal trespassing and failure to obey airport security.”

You hurriedly step between the officers and your fellow protesters, palms raised placatingly. “Please officers, don’t arrest them! I was the one who orchestrated this, I’ll go quietly. Just let them go.”

Max’s heart does a strange little flutter at the selfless gesture, at the protective way you shield your group from the aggression of the snarling police officers.

Before he can think better of it, he’s striding forward and planting himself at your side, a steadying hand on your arm. “Actually officers, I’m afraid I can’t let you detain this woman.”

You blink up at him in surprise. The lead sergeant looks far from impressed, folding his beefy arms across his chest.

“And just who the hell are you to make that call?”

Max lifts his chin defiantly. “Max Verstappen. I’m sure your supervisors would love to hear how the biggest name in racing got falsely arrested on the tarmac because one of their officers couldn’t exercise some restraint.”

The sergeant’s eyes widen almost comically and he takes an unconscious step back, disarmed by Max’s threat to leverage his fame and money. “Oh. Er … Mr. Verstappen, sir. I’m sure, um, we can sort this out ...”

Max cuts him off with an imperious wave, turning his attention fully to you. Your expression is a mixture of shock, curiosity, and — though Max certainly doesn’t dare name it — just maybe a tiny flicker of attraction in return.

“You asked me to try and understand your perspective. Fine, I’ll take you up on that dinner.” He looks you squarely in the eye, expression unreadable. “But you have to promise to hear me out too. No judgements, no protests. Just two people trying to figure out how to make the world better in their own ways.”

You stare searchingly at him for a prolonged moment. Then a slow, wondering smile spreads across your face, crinkling the corners of your eyes in the most disarmingly beautiful way. You give a small nod.

“Deal. I’ll keep an open mind if you do.”

Max finds himself returning the smile before he can stop himself. “Deal.”

He doesn’t know why this odd, passionate woman has gotten under his skin so quickly. Or why he suddenly cares what some environmental activist thinks of his choices. But as you take his proffered hand and he helps you step carefully away from the cluster of protestors, Max feels an unfamiliar stirring of hope. Maybe there’s more to this situation — and to you — than meets the eye.

The sergeant looks between you two skeptically, but seems to think better of pressing the issue further with Max’s steely gaze trained on him. With a resigned sigh, he waves his officers back.

“Alright, we’re going to let this one go. But I better not catch you trespassing and causing problems again, you hear?” He jabs a meaty finger at you in warning.

You just smile serenely, still not releasing Max’s hand. “No worries, officer. I have a dinner to get ready for.”

As the police pull away, you turn that brilliant grin on Max again. He finds himself returning it almost against his will, captivated by the fire that dances behind your eyes. For the first time, he wonders if going toe-to-toe with an idealistic environmental warrior might actually be worth momentarily putting his own deeply-held beliefs aside.

Stepping in close, you surprise him by leaning up on your tiptoes to whisper conspiratorially in his ear. “Thanks for playing along back there. I owe you one, Max Verstappen.”

The warm breath tickling his neck sends an unexpected shiver down his spine. You pull back with a mischievous wink before turning and rejoining your fellow activists, hips swaying in a tantalizing way that has Max’s gaze lingering perhaps a moment too long.

As he watches you go, Max can’t shake the strangest sense that he’s suddenly entered uncharted territory. And that this is only the beginning of you continually barging into his life and turning everything deliciously upside down.

***

Max lets out a grunt as he heaves the heavy barbell up over his head, sweat beading on his brow from the intense weight training session. After securing the bar back on its rack, he straightens and grabs a towel to wipe his face.

His phone starts ringing from across the room, an unknown number flashing on the screen. Max debates letting it go to voicemail but finally relents with a resigned sigh, scooping up the device.

“Yeah, hello?”

There’s a brief silence before an automated voice responds. “This is a call from a corrections facility. To accept charges and connect this call, press 1.”

Max frowns, caught off guard. He presses 1 warily, curiosity getting the better of him. The line clicks and then a new, very familiar voice comes through.

“Max! Oh thank god you picked up.” It’s you, sounding mildly frazzled but still unmistakably your unique blend of passion and composure.

A surprised laugh escapes Max’s lips before he can stop it. “You? Calling me from jail? This I’ve got to hear.”

“Don’t sound so delighted,” you chide, though he can hear the smile in your voice. “Yes, I’m in a bit of a situation here. You remember the big event we had been planning to protest that oil baron’s ridiculous superyacht docking in Monaco?”

Max raises an eyebrow even though you can’t see it. “The one where you said, and I quote, ‘No Max, you can’t come. Your pouty little rich boy face is just going to distract everyone from the real injustice we’re protesting here.’“

“... Yes, that one.” You don’t miss a beat. “Well, we may have taken things a step too far. The police showed up and arrested all of us for trespassing and disturbing the peace.”

“You don’t say?” Max leans back against the weight bench, a teasing lilt to his voice. “So let me get this straight — you got yourself chucked in the slammer for causing your signature environmentalist dramatics, and now you’re calling me to help get you out?”

There’s a slight pause before you respond, tone turning softer. “I didn’t want to call Seb. You know how he gets — he’ll just give me that disappointed head shake and lecture about being more responsible. Acting like I’m still a reckless teenager instead of a grown woman fighting for a noble cause.”

Max feels a small pang at the uncharacteristic wistfulness in your voice. For all your sparring back and forth, he knows how much your activist work means to you. And how tirelessly you dedicate yourself to it, often at the expense of other aspects of life.

Chewing his lip, he considers his next words carefully. “I may give you endless shit about being a tree-hugging rebel without a cause, but you know I actually respect what you’re doing, right? Even if your methods are … shall we say, dramatic.”

You let out a small surprised huff of laughter at that. “Did Max Verstappen just pay me something resembling a genuine compliment? Aww, you really do care.”

Max rolls his eyes at the teasing, though his lips quirk in a reluctant smile. Something about your back-and-forth banter has a way of putting him at ease in a way he doesn’t quite understand.

“Don’t let it go to your head. I’m still holding out hope this is just a pesky phase before you eventually come to your senses and realize the error of your ways.”

“Fat chance, hot shot.” The warm amusement in your tone is impossible to miss. “But anyway, since you’re in such a generous mood — think you can do me a favor and come bail me out?”

Max hesitates, scratching the back of his neck. “I don’t know, bringing you home with me seems like a surefire way to get your activist cooties all over my ridiculously expensive non-vegan furniture.”

“Max ...” You let out an exaggerated whine that has him fighting back another grin. “Come on, I’m begging you here! I’ll be a model prisoner, I swear.”

Heaving a long-suffering sigh, Max pushes off from the bench and starts grabbing his shoes and keys. “Fine, fine. Twist my arm, why don’t you? I’ll be there in twenty minutes to ply your jailers with my generous pile of my money and spring you from the clink.”

You let out a squeal of delight that has his heart doing an odd little flip despite himself. “You’re the best, Max! Seriously, I owe you huge after this.”

“Yeah, yeah. Just don’t expect me to make a habit of it. This is a one-time kind of deal.”

The two of you say your brief goodbyes and Max hangs up, head shaking in bemusement. He’s not sure when his friendship with the passionate eco-warrior became so effortlessly comfortable, bantering back and forth like a long-married couple.

But he also can’t deny the way his pulse kicks up just slightly at the thought of seeing you again — windswept hair, fiery eyes, and that bright smile that still catches him off guard every time it’s directed his way.

As Max jogs out to the garage to grab his Ferrari for the short drive to the station, he vehemently tells himself it’s merely because he’s intrigued by the novelty of your clashing personalities. That your relentless conviction is a fascinating change of pace from the empty glamor that usually surrounds him.

But a tiny voice in the back of his mind whispers that he’s lying to himself. That there’s something magnetically addictive about you and your tireless ability to see the world through a different lens than his own. Something that challenges him, stimulates him, reels him in over and over again no matter how much he pretends to resist.

He quickly banishes the thought, jaw setting in stubborn determination. Max Verstappen isn’t the type to get pulled into a girl’s orbit, no matter how intriguing she might seem on the surface. He’ll bail your reckless ass out of jail, have another enjoyable round of opposition-attracts banter, and then carry on with his usual life of racing and living by his own well-established rules.

Right?

The sleek crimson SF90 Stradale tears through the winding Monaco streets, wind whipping through Max’s hair as he pushes the pedal towards the floor. The adrenaline pumping through his veins feels vaguely familiar to the thrill of a heated race — though he refuses to dwell too deeply on why bailing out an eco-terrorist gives him that same edge-of-the-seat excitement.

He pulls up to the modest local jail in record time, the guard at the entrance giving him a skeptical once-over before waving him through. No doubt recognizing the signature Ferrari and flashy persona of the championship-winning driver.

Max swaggers up to the front desk where a bored-looking officer sits shuffling through paperwork. The young man startles at his approach, shooting to attention with widened eyes.

“Oh! Mr. Verstappen, sir! How can I help you today?”

Puffing out his chest just slightly, Max gives the officer his most imposing stare. “Yeah, I’m here to post bail for one of your … residents. Y/N Vettel.”

The cop’s brow furrows as he scans the intake files. “Ah yes, here she is. Environmental activist, part of that big protest at the marina. Disturbing the peace, trespassing, and a few of them even got hit with property damage charges from graffiti.”

Max scowls, that damned protective streak rearing its ugly head again before he can stop it. “I’m only posting bail for Y/N Vettel. The hell did she get charged with?”

“Just peaceful trespassing and disturbing the peace.” The cop frowns contemplatively. “Well, and resisting arrest when she tried to stop us cuffing one of her friends. But that’s about it.”

Rubbing his temples with a pained sigh, Max can’t resist a rueful grin. “Yeah, that tracks. Listen, what’s it gonna cost me to grab her so I can get out of here?”

“For those charges? €1500 bond should cover it.”

Max scoffs at the paltry sum, already pulling out his monogrammed money clip and peeling off a stack of euros. “Whatever, here’s double. Keep the change for your trouble.”

The cop’s eyes widen almost comically, but he knows better than to question Max freaking Verstappen. Hurriedly taking the bills, he produces some paperwork for Max to sign and process the transaction.

“Alright Mr. Verstappen, just need your signature here and here. And if you’ll allow me to get your fingerprints as well for the release forms ...”

Max begrudgingly complies, wanting to get this circus over with as quickly as possible. He taps his foot impatiently as the officer takes his prints and finalizes everything in the computer system.

“Okay, all set. I’ll have one of the guards bring Miss Vettel around to the release lobby. Might be a few minutes.”

“Yeah, yeah, just hurry it up,” Max mutters distractedly.

He crosses his arms and leans back against the wall, letting his eyes drift shut for a brief moment as he tries to compose himself. Your voice rings in his ears, that unmistakable mixture of sheepishness and determination that seems to sum up your entire persona.

Goddamn it, why did you have to call him? Why couldn’t you have just phoned up your doting big brother like a normal person instead of dragging Max into this? Part of him wants to be annoyed at how easily you’re able to play him, batting those big eyes and pleading for his help like you knew he would give in.

But the thought of leaving you to stew in a dingy jail cell somehow makes his stomach twist uncomfortably. Almost like he’d be letting you down in some weird, convoluted way. Ridiculous as the notion is, Max can’t deny this increasing pull you seem to have over him.

His eyes fly open as the door to the cellblocks finally opens, heavy footsteps approaching. Max takes an automatic step forward, pulse kicking up in anticipation despite himself.

And then you’re there. Hair tousled, t-shirt and jeans covered in smears of dirt and grass stains from the protest scuffle. But those defiant eyes are still ablaze, jaw set stubbornly as the guard leads you out in handcuffs.

“Max! You’re actually here!” Your face splits into a bright, surprised grin at the sight of him.

He tries and fails to suppress his own answering smile, raking an admittedly appreciative gaze over you from head to toe. “What, you didn’t think I’d show up for my favorite little jailbird?”

Shrugging nonchalantly, you flash him a sly look from under your lashes. “I don’t know, I had my doubts Mr. Bigshot Racer would sully his palms rescuing little old me.”

“Well, you know what they say.” Max steps in close, dropping his voice to a faux-seductive murmur as he leans towards you. Your eyes widen infinitesimally but you hold his gaze, seemingly transfixed. “I just can’t seem to quit you.”

You bite your lip in a badly suppressed grin at his corny line. “Did you seriously just incorrectly quote Brokeback Mountain at me right now?”

“Maybe.” He rocks back on his heels with a shameless wink. “Doesn’t make it any less true, does it?”

A delicate blush blooms across your cheeks in a way that has Max’s heart stuttering unexpectedly. The guard clears his throat loudly, shattering the moment between you.

“Erm, right. If you’ll just sign here for Miss Vettel’s release ...” He offers a clipboard to Max.

Tearing his eyes away from you with concentrated effort, Max scrawls his signature across the form. You watch him intently, an unreadable look flickering across your features for just a moment before the guard undoes your cuffs with a loud click.

You immediately bring your newly freed hands together, rubbing at the chafed skin of your wrists gingerly. Max’s jaw tightens at the sight.

“You good?” His tone is gruff with concern despite himself.

Glancing up, you give him a reassuring smile and nod. “All good, just a little tender. It’ll be fine, I promise.”

Something about your easy dismissal of the discomfort rankles Max in a way he can’t fully explain. Like he wants to grab your hands, bring them to his lips to inspect the damage more closely. The sudden urge catches him off guard and he quickly tamps it down, fists clenching at his sides.

The guard seems oblivious to the undercurrent between you, simply giving a curt nod and motioning towards the exit. “Right then, off you go. And try to stay out of trouble from now on, Miss Vettel.”

You shoot the cop your signature wry grin. “No promises, officer.”

Rolling his eyes skyward, Max grabs your elbow lightly and ushers you towards the doors before you can cause any more scenes. You fall into step beside him easily, shoulders brushing in a way that has his skin tingling with awareness.

As the two of you step out into the late afternoon sunlight, you turn to him with those warm eyes that never fail to set his heart racing just a little faster.

“I really do owe you one, Max. Thank you for coming to my rescue, even after everything“

He gives an exaggerated huff, fighting a smile. “Well, it’s a tough job but someone’s gotta bail out all the reckless idiots who can’t stay out of handcuffs for five minutes.”

You laugh brightly, punching his arm in playful admonishment. A spark of electricity seems to jolt between you at the contact and Max freezes almost imperceptibly, mesmerized by the radiant smile you’re beaming up at him.

In that moment, with the sunlight catching in your hair and reflecting those fierce, captivating eyes, Max is struck by how breathtakingly beautiful you are. Not just physically, though that’s certainly undeniable. But the whole intoxicating aura of your idealism, your passion, your relentless fighting spirit that leaves him in a constant state of incredulous attraction no matter how much he rails against it.

You cock your head slightly, drawing him out of his reverie. “Max? You still in there?”

“Huh?” He blinks dazedly before recovering with a shake of his head, shoving his hands into his pockets in what he desperately hopes is a casual gesture. “Yeah, no, I’m good. Just thinking.”

Your brow furrows in concern as you study his face intently. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, of course.” Max clears his throat, avoiding your piercing gaze. He nods jerkily towards the car glinting fetchingly in the sun. “Come on, let’s get out of here before they decide to re-arrest your ass for loitering.”

As the two of you make your way across the parking lot, Max resolutely ignores the persistent voice whispering that he’s in deeper than he’s willing to admit this time. That you might just be addictive enough to become something he can’t simply shake off when he’s had his fill.

But rather than finding the notion disconcerting like it should be, he finds himself fighting the strangest flicker of excitement at the prospect instead.

***

The Monaco paddock is a dizzying whirlwind of activity as teams and personnel rush about in their usual pre-race frenzy. Max weaves through the chaos towards his driver room, helmet tucked under his arm.

He pauses as a familiar voice reaches his ears — that unmistakable passionate cadence that always has a way of stopping him in his tracks these days. Max turns to see you holding court in the middle of a cluster of wide-eyed engineers and PR reps, gesticulating emphatically.

“... and that’s just the start! We also need to look into renewable energy sources to power the entire paddock operations. Sustainable cooking practices in the hospitality suites. Comprehensive recycling and composting initiatives. Not to mention overhauling the travel logistics for a lower carbon footprint when we’re shipping this whole circus around the globe every other week.”

One of the hapless reps looks shellshocked, struggling to keep up as he scribbles notes furiously. “I … yes, of course, Miss Vettel. We’ll look into all of that right away. Anything else?”

You fix the poor man with one of your signature intense stares, full lower lip catching between your teeth as you consider. Max feels his heart skip at the seemingly insignificant gesture, cursing under his breath.

“Well, we haven’t even touched on sustainable sourcing for uniforms and merchandising yet. Or the complete overhaul needed for fuel compositions and racing technology to align with a realistic net-zero roadmap.” Your eyes spark with renewed fervor. “But we can circle back on those aspects later. For now I want you to-”

Sensing an opening, the bewildered rep seizes his chance to politely extricate himself. “You know what, Miss Vettel? Why don’t I go gather all my notes on your suggestions so far and we can regroup for a more structured meeting on next steps? I’ll, uh, be in touch!”

He scampers off before you can protest, leaving the rest of the staffers gaping at you with a combination of terror and admiration. You just shake your head bemusedly, rolling your eyes skyward as you catch sight of Max watching from across the way.

“What?” You shrug innocently at his raised eyebrow, the very picture of angelic nonchalance. “Someone’s got to light a fire under these people if we want to actually get some sustainability practices in place.”

Max bites back a grin, sauntering over with exaggerated slowness. “Is that what you call demolishing that poor rep’s entire understanding of the world? Just lighting a fire?”

“Hey, we’re not being paid to settle for complacency and half-measures,” you shoot back without a shred of remorse. “I got hired to shake this whole damn organization to its core until it goes fully carbon neutral. And that’s exactly what I intend to do.”

Your unapologetic defiance never fails to send a peculiar thrill zinging through Max’s veins. He rakes an admittedly assessing gaze over your crisp pantsuit and loosely swept updo — quite a change from the scruffy activist’s getup he’s so used to seeing you in.

“You clean up nice, I’ll give you that,” he muses teasingly. “Who knew you could look so respectable in professional garb?”

Rather than rise to the bait, you simply flash him a wink and smoothing your hands over the fitted blazer, drawing his gaze helplessly to the enticing curves beneath the tailored lines. “What can I say? I’m a woman of many talents.”

Heat prickles at the base of Max’s neck at the unexpected flirtiness, his tongue suddenly thick and useless in his mouth. He quickly masks the moment of flustered silence with a dismissive scoff.

“Great, so in addition to harassing race staff you’re assaulting my senses too? Good to know where your priorities lie, Vettel.”

You laugh easily, canting a hip as you fix him with those dancing eyes that never fail to set his heart racing. “If you can’t handle a little playful banter, Verstappen, you’d better get used to keeping your distance now that we’re colleagues for the foreseeable future.”

The words slam into Max with surprising force, hitting a little too close to the bone. Unconsciously, his gaze darts over you in a way that feels far too intimate for mere colleagues. Lingering on the delicate curve of your neck as you tip your head back, the lush pout of your lips, the swaying tendrils of hair escaping your updo which he inexplicably longs to brush back into place.

All at once the reality of your new role truly sinks in — that he’ll be seeing you at every single race from now until god knows when. The thought fills Max with a dizzying blend of elation and trepidation.

On one hand, the prospect of having you perpetually woven through his life in this shiny new professional capacity is enough to make his pulse kick up in giddy anticipation.

But on the other, it terrifies him to his core. You have an uncanny ability to constantly keep him off-balance, as endlessly fascinating as you are maddening. This casual flirtation between you has taken on undercurrents he’s no longer certain he wants to shy away from acknowledging. At least, not when the thought of shutting it down fills Max with a hollow ache he can’t put words to.

He’s pulled from his spiraling reflections as an impeccably dressed older man in a crisp suit materializes at your side, placing a wizened hand on your shoulder.

“Ah, there you are, Miss Vettel! I was just coming to fetch you for our preliminary sustainability council meeting with the rest of the advisory board.” The man’s eyes twinkle with unmistakable approval as he regards you. “Although from the looks of it you’ve already started getting the lay of the land around here and, ah, asserting your new directives shall we say?”

You shoot him a conspiratorial grin, leaning in as if sharing a secret. “Let’s just say I’ve had a productive first day on the job so far, Mr. Haywood. They won’t know what hit ‘em.”

Max recognizes the man as Stephen Haywood, one of the senior F1 board members and the person primarily responsible for bringing you on in this ground-breaking new eco initiative. He chuckles indulgently at your quip.

“That’s exactly what we’re counting on from you, my dear. Ruffling some feathers and dragging this whole operation into the future, come hell or high water. I have the utmost confidence you’re going to revolutionize Formula 1 in ways we can’t even conceive yet.”

You beam at the praise, visibly swelling with determination. Haywood gives your shoulder another squeeze before gesturing down the paddock. “Shall we? We’ve got a long agenda ahead to tackle your big plans.”

“Absolutely,” you say eagerly, turning to follow him. But not before pausing to shoot Max one last heated look from over your shoulder, dropping your voice to a sultry murmur. “Don’t go too far, Verstappen. I’ve still got plenty more to say to you later.”

And with a tantalizing wink, you sashay away after Haywood in that maddeningly hypnotic way that you know reduces Max to an incoherent mess every time. All he can do is gape after your retreating figure, the sway of those hips in that perfectly tailored skirt rendering him utterly useless.

As you disappear around the corner, Max feels the dam inside him finally burst in a torrential flood of overwhelming emotion. Everything suddenly clicks into startling clarity in one shuddering epiphany that leaves him unmoored:

He’s in love with you.

Desperately, all-consumingly, recklessly in love in a way he never saw coming and is wholly unprepared to process. All those months pretending you were just an amusing diversion, a source of intrigue and refreshing friction in his otherwise orderly life. All the times he battled against the obvious chemistry simmering between you, tried to downplay it as mere physical attraction between opposing forces.

But now it washes over Max in one shattering wave of truth — the way his world tilts off-axis whenever you’re around, the gravity of your presence drawing him in against his will. How thoroughly and irrevocably you’ve embedded yourself under his skin without him ever truly realizing it was happening until now.

He grips the wall for support, legs feeling abruptly unsteady as his head spins. How is he supposed to reconcile this revelation? That his heart now lies so completely in the hands of this fierce, untamable woman utterly hellbent on dismantling and revolutionizing his entire life’s work in the name of environmentalism.

The delicious contradictions of having fallen for someone whose core values and purpose seem to exist in such direct opposition to his own are enough to make Max’s head throb dizzily. You are his antithesis in so many ways — that headstrong passion a perpetual thorn in his side, continually pushing and prodding him out of his self-imposed boundaries.

And yet … he couldn’t be more completely enthralled.

It’s that relentless challenging of his beliefs, that refusal to settle for complacency, that has drawn Max in and held him captivated against his will from the very beginning. In you he’s found a riveting counterpoint to the blinkered single-mindedness of his existence, a refreshing perspective that somehow makes him want to be a bigger, better version of himself.

Even now, just the phantom echo of your parting words has him straightening unconsciously, feeling almost chastened and bereft in the wake of your absence. Max has never been one to dwell on his emotions, preferring to analyze and compartmentalize until they’re boxed away into neat, manageable parcels.

But this all-encompassing feeling storming through him in your wake is anything but neat or manageable. It’s wild and catastrophic, crackling with the dangerous intensity of a lightning strike clawing its way across the horizon in slow motion.

Just the thought of looking into those blazing eyes and owning the truth of his feelings for you sends Max into a panic, chest squeezing with anxious breath. You have always seen through his feigned nonchalance, cut straight through to the bone with that penetrating stare. He has no idea how to even begin existing openly in the same space as you without his heart shining through brazenly for the entire world to witness.

His fist clenches against the cold metal of the garage wall as an irrational surge of bitterness lances through him. How dare you just sweep into his rigidly controlled life with all that blistering confidence and conviction, making him feel things he never wanted to feel? Upending his carefully maintained reality without a second thought, all in the name of your damned causes?

You weren’t supposed to get this far under his skin. He was just supposed to have a bit of fun, indulge in your company as a momentary diversion at most. And now Max is in so disastrously deep that he has no idea how to drag himself back out.

He doesn’t know how long he stands there warring with himself, torn between exhilarated possibility and vehement denial. What he does know is that his entire world has been turned upside down. And despite the terror rattling his bones, despite the desperate urge to somehow ignore the sheer enormity of this jolt to his system … he can’t muster the will to try and wrestle back control.

Not when the thrill of finally surrendering to you sends such intoxicating electricity crackling through every fiber of his being.

Max peels himself from the wall with renewed resolve, running a hand through his disheveled hair. He needs to steel himself, because avoiding you is clearly no longer an option. Not when your irresistible pull is only amplified now that you’ll be a near-permanent fixture in his life.

He has to face this head-on, confront the exhilarating chaos you’ve wrought in his carefully cultivated existence. Which means pushing down the churning jumble of emotions rattling around in his ribcage before they become too overwhelming.

“Get a grip, man,” Max mutters sternly to himself, knocking the heel of his palm against his temple as if to physically dislodge his internal storm. “It’s just Vettel. You’ve dealt with her shit-stirring antics a million times before. You can handle this new ... development.”

His words carry neither confidence nor conviction, but Max forges on anyway, straightening his shoulders as he plunges back into the fray of the paddock. If he can just maintain some semblance of outward equilibrium, he can get through this.

One foot in front of the other, he winds past the crowd towards his driver’s room as if in a trance. Any minute now, you’ll saunter back through in that mouthwateringly crisp ensemble, eyes bright with hard-won strategy and single minded intent.

And Max will just … what? Calmly confront you as if his entire understanding of your dynamic hasn’t undergone a seismic fucking shift in the last five minutes?

He barks out a mirthless laugh at the impossibility of such a scenario. Any pretense of indifference has surely been shattered between you now. All his meager attempts at deflecting through banter and heated bickering ring hollow to his own ears after this shattering realization.

No, for better or worse, Max has finally tumbled over that precipice he’d been teetering on for so long when it comes to you. Now more than ever before, he dreads and craves the prospect of your next meeting in equal, searing measure.

Because whether he’s ready or not … whether he thinks he can handle the fallout or not … you’ll be able to read every devastating truth written across his face this time.

When your paths inevitably cross again, Max knows there will be no more hiding from you the shift of feelings you’ve unleashed within him.

This time, he’ll be entirely and terrifyingly laid bare.

***

Three Years Later

The crisp mountain air fills Max’s lungs as he straightens up, wiping a trickle of sweat from his brow with a satisfied smile. The freshly tilled soil stretches before him in neat rows, ready and waiting to nurture the seeds you meticulously selected.

“Nice work, Mein Löwe,” you call approvingly from across the yard, one hand resting on the swell of your pregnant belly. “That plot is going to be perfect for all our veggies.”

Max’s chest warms at the undisguised pride in your voice as you survey his handiwork. Just a few years ago, he would have scoffed at the idea of voluntarily getting his hands dirty like this. But ever since that fateful day at the airport … everything has changed.

“Yeah, well, be sure to put me to work weeding and watering too,” he shoots back with an easy grin. “Gotta earn my keep as the cabana boy around here.”

You roll your eyes in playful exasperation even as an affectionate smile tugs at your lips. “I’ll be sure to get you a tiny little outfit.”

The teasing remark might have once pricked Max’s fragile ego. But now he simply shakes his head with a low chuckle, marveling at how natural, how right it feels to be the subject of your gentle ribbing. In the years since that first charged encounter, your barbs have sanded down his prickly edges until only his core of wry tenderness remains.

You cross the yard toward him, sunlight glinting off the tousled tendrils of hair that frame your face. Up close, Max can make out the dark crescent smudges under your eyes from many sleepless nights spent mapping out plans for this property — from the aerogel insulation in the walls to the extensive geothermal heating system to the solar panels spanning the roof.

Most people would have long ago surrendered in exhaustion when presented with building the world’s most environmentally sustainable home from the ground up. But not you. You had steadfastly urged him onward, determined to make this place a paragon of renewable living for your growing family.

His growing family, Max mentally corrects himself with a jolt of surprise that still hasn’t faded, even after all this time.

As if reading his mind, you pause before him, gently taking his calloused hands in yours. “Think you can handle planting all those seedlings tomorrow without me? The back pains are really kicking my ass lately.”

Max’s lips quirk upwards at the feisty lilt to your voice. “Getting a little too old to be bending over in the dirt for hours, liefje?”

“Hey, watch it!” You protest with a laugh, playfully batting at his chest. “I’m literally growing an entire human here. Maybe have some sympathy for your poor wife?”

“Alright, alright,” Max chuckles, sliding his hands reverently over the swollen curve of your belly. A sense of awe washes over him, just as it does each time he’s reminded of the incredible miracle blooming inside you — a tiny life that is half him, half this fierce, passionate woman he once couldn’t stand.

He leans in to press his forehead tenderly to yours. “I’ve got it all covered tomorrow. Why don’t you take it easy for once?”

You let out a derisive snort at the suggestion. “Yeah, like that’ll happen. Maybe if you massage my back tonight, though ...”

“Deal,” Max murmurs without hesitation, tilting his head to steal a lingering kiss.

Your lips are soft and pliant against his, still electrifying even after all this time. Max marvels yet again at this strange, thrilling new world you’ve ushered him into — one of quiet moments and domesticity and fulfillment. A world that his former self, obsessed with roaring engines and adrenaline, could have never envisioned.

But even as your mouths move in that timeless, familiar dance, Max’s mind drifts back to that fateful first encounter outside his jet all those years ago. The sheer force of your convictions had rocked him to his core then, cracking open the crusty shell around his heart. And before he could blink, you had blossomed into so much more than an impassioned activist — a friend, a confidante, a lover … and now the mother of his unborn child.

At last, you pull away with a contented sigh, cradling Max’s face in your tender palms. “Have I told you lately how grateful I am for you?”

“Once or twice,” he teases gruffly, though his chest clenches with an all too familiar ardor. “But you know I never get tired of hearing it, schatje.”

You beam up at him with utter adoration shining in your eyes. A look that never fails to disarm Max straight to his core. How had it taken so many years of chasing empty accolades for him to finally find this all-encompassing serenity?

“I just ...” You pause, worrying your full lower lip between your teeth. A sure sign you’re struggling to untangle an emotion webbed with complexity. “I never imagined I could be this … content.”

Your gaze drifts wistfully across the sweeping valley before your mountainside property, the majestic peaks dusted with snow on the horizon. For a beat, Max envisions it all through your eyes — the staggering beauty of this utopia you’ve carved out for your budding family, its self-sustaining existence treading as lightly on the earth as possible.

“After so many years fighting and railing against the system, to find this pocket of peace ...” You shake your head slowly, almost deliriously. “It’s more than I could have dreamed.”

Inexplicably, Max feels his eyes prickling with a sudden thickness at your reverent murmur. A lump forms in his throat, welling with all the indescribable gratitude and tenderness that still threatens to overwhelm him at times like this.

“You know,” he rasps out at last, tracing his thumb reverently over the sharp line of your jaw. “After that day at the airport in Nice … I tried so hard to shake the way you made me feel.”

A wistful smile plays across your lips at the memory as your eyes meet his in silent invitation. You’re hanging on his every word now — a state Max still struggles to wrap his mind around at times.

“No matter what I did, or where I traveled, part of me couldn’t escape your voice in my head,” Max continues, pushing through the lump in his throat. “Demanding that I question my way of life, open my eyes to how careless I had been.”

You nod slowly in recognition, lacing your fingers through his. The remembered combativeness from that long ago confrontation has faded now, giving way only to understanding between the two people who recognize each other most profoundly.

“At first, I just tried blocking you out,” Max admits with a rueful chuckle. He dips his head until your foreheads are brushing again as his voice lowers to an intimate rasp. “But the more I pushed you away, the deeper you burrowed inside me. Until I finally stopped fighting it and just … listened.”

He feels your sharp inhale as his words skate warmth down your skin. Slowly, almost unconsciously, your fingers tighten around his in solidarity.

“And look at us now,” you murmur at last, awestruck and achingly tender all at once.

In your eyes, Max glimpses the past, present and future stretching out in dizzying symmetry — those first fierce sparks of passion blossoming into the steadfast love that shelters your growing family. He sees the painstaking nurturing required to transform a confrontation into a partnership over years of effort and understanding.

Most of all, he sees the promise of new dawns yet to come, with each one awakening to your cherished, reverent teachings about the earth’s splendor and fragility.

His heart clenches fit to burst as Max drinks in your beauty — flushed and glowing with new life, still beaming with that incandescent fire that had first seared into his soul. Only now, it burns only for him, a flame stoking devotion and passion and sanctuary.

Just as Max leans in to capture your mouth in a searing kiss, the shrill chime of the doorbell shatters the moment. You spring apart with a breathless laugh.

“Fuck, I forgot Seb was supposed to be coming over today!” You give Max’s chest one last pat before turning toward the house, waddling slightly with the added weight of your pregnant belly.

Max grins fondly, trailing after you at a more leisurely pace. He can’t resist one last admiring glance over his shoulder at the pristine vegetable garden stretching behind the cottage — an oasis of sustainable beauty, just like the life you’ve created here.

As you reach the front door, pulling it open eagerly, Sebastian’s familiar lopsided grin greets you both from the other side. Your brother’s eyes immediately zero in on your rounded midsection, his expression melting into one of pure adoration.

“Oh, Bärchen, you’re positively glowing!” He exclaims, sweeping you into a gentle hug. “How’s my little niece or nephew treating their mom?”

You let out a dramatic groan, leaning back to shoot Max an exaggerated look of suffering. “This kid’s already high maintenance, just like their father. I’ve got swollen ankles, back pains, you name it.”

“Hey now,” Max interjects with a chuckle, sidling up to join the familiar banter. He claps Sebastian’s shoulder affectionately. “If they end up being anything like you in the baby stage, we’re in for a whole new world of sleep deprivation.”

Sebastian returns the grin, unfazed. “Like you aren’t an even bigger handful than me.”

You snort indelicately, looping your arm through Max’s as you shuffle back to allow Sebastian inside. “Are you kidding? With my influence, this baby will be an expert environmentalist before they’re out of diapers.”

“You wish,” Max shoots back with a smirk, his eyes twinkling. He knows better than anyone the depth of your convictions — and appreciates them more than he can put words to.

As the three of you bicker playfully, Max’s chest fills with an overwhelming sense of contentment. Just a few years ago, he could have scarcely imagined this scenario — the love of his life heavy with his child, her doting brother at their side, their sprawling eco-paradise as the idyllic backdrop.

But now, as he guides you both into the spacious, sunlit living room, Max knows without a doubt that this is exactly where he belongs.

Here, sheltered in the passionate wake of your ceaseless quest to better the world. Here, in the eye of the storm you had first raged into his life, upending everything until his soul had no choice but to still and listen.

You shoot him a private smile, reading his thoughts as easily as breathing. In your bright eyes, Max sees the future stretching out blissfully — a path paved by your determined heart that he will gladly tread in partnership forever.

All because on one fateful day, you had dared to make him question everything. And in doing so, unveiled the peace and purpose he never knew he craved.

[jiniretracha]

I Don't Want You Like a Best Friend - Lee Felix

Pairing: Felix x fem!reader

Warnings: smut!!, fluff (like so much), angst (if you squint), felix and readers being oblivious idiots in love.

Summary: You have been in love with Felix, your best friend, since the first time you laid your eyes on him. But you never said anything about it, too afraid to ruin your friendship that you treasured so much. So, when a pretty boy asks you out on a date, you accept, figuring it is the best way to get over your stupid crush. But your best friend doesn't seem so happy about it. Based on "Dress" by Taylor Swift.

Word Count: 6k

PS: I uploaded this on AO3 and thought it'd be fun to post it here as well!

MASTERLIST // my Ko-Fi

There’s an indentation in the shape of you

“And? What do you think?” 

Felix lifted his head up as he heard you walking inside the room once again wearing the dress. His eyes widened and his heart started beating faster and louder. His gaze raked your body up and down a couple of times and he tried to play nonchalant.

“U-uh, you look very pretty, Y/N. He’ll love it” Felix smile.

Yes. He’ll love it. 

Truth is, you had met this cute guy at the coffee shop you and Felix frequently visit before you drop him at the studio every day. His name was Ashton. He had a charming smile and he had been brave enough to ask you for your phone number while complimenting your looks. You were almost a stuttering mess while you typed in your number in his phone, then he winked and left the coffee shop, leaving you with a slight blush in your cheeks. 

Felix had returned to you with both of your orders with a smile. You told him about Ashton and he had promised he would help you with him. Later that day, he asked you out on a date. Today’s date. 

You turned around and looked at yourself in the mirror, you liked the dress. It was a pretty cream colour with little flowers on it, a heart-like cleavage and lace on the pretty top. 

You were oblivious to Felix’s adoring eyes behind you. He was trying to memorize every single detail of your beautiful form. The heavy stone in his stomach was a bother, it was pure jealousy. And sadness too. 

He would’ve given anything to be the one who takes you on dates. 

“Thank you, Lix” you smiled at him. “Could you pass me those earrings please?”

“Of course, darling” he said, standing up and walking towards your nightstand. He came back with the earrings and gave them to you, as you smiled and thanked him. 

As you put the earrings on your earlobes, you started thinking. How would you like for Felix to be the one who is taking you on this date. You would love to be with him. It’s the only thing you’ve yearned and craved for years. You’d give up anything for Felix to crumble into his knees and beg you not to go. 

To stay with him. To be with him. 

You sighed as you looked at yourself in the mirror. You noticed that he hadn’t stopped staring at you. Why doesn’t he say something?

You turned to look at him and your gazes met. His breathing turned a little choppy, from the nervousness. He pressed his lips together, like he was about to say something and your eyebrows arched in desperation. 

“I-“

And then your phone started ringing. You clenched your eyelids and grabbed your phone that was sitting face up on the bed, making Felix catch who was calling: Ashton. 

“Hey” you said after clearing your throat. 

“Hey, Y/N” Ashton said. Felix frowned. No ‘pretty’, no ‘beautiful’, just Y/N. “I’m right outside, would you mind coming down?”

“Of course. Give me a couple of minutes” you faked a smile. He caught it. 

All of this silence and patience,

pining and anticipation

You got to the door and grabbed the keys. “I don’t even know why I’m nervous” you tried to shake off the anxiety lurking in your head. 

But Felix could read you like a fucking book. 

You weren’t nervous. 

You were aching. He knew you didn’t want to go. But why couldn’t he just say something?

“I- Y/N-“ he stammered. 

You looked into his eyes. “Yes?”

“I- I just-“

Ashton’s honk made you both startle. “What’s up?” you said impatiently. 

“N-nothing. Have a great time. Ashton’s really lucky” he said, giving you his signature tight-lipped smile and walking towards his room. 

You sighed as soon as he was out of view and pressed your eyes shut tightly, praying not to cry or else you would ruin your makeup. Or give yourself away. You opened the door and walked the steps of the stairs down. 

Felix locked himself in his room, his fists clenched against his sides as his back pressed itself to the door. He was so angry at himself. 

When did he become such a coward?

He heard commotion outside, from the open window of the balcony. He walked outside, and looked down. He saw Ashton, who had dark black hair, was big and bulky and was wearing formal clothes. 

Ashton was the total opposite as him. Felix had blonde hair, brown eyes and he liked to use beanies and wear baggy clothes with jewelry. 

Felix noticed that Ashton’s hands were empty. No flowers. 

He rolled his eyes. He just wished you would notice that he wasn’t right for you. Because what was right for you, was standing right above you. 

Staring hopelessly as you drove away.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

You arrived at the restaurant and Ashton led you towards the table he had reserved. 

“You like pizza, right?” he asked with a smile, as he sat down on his seat. 

With a blink of your eyes, you just stood staring at him. You were waiting for him to pull your chair out and help you in. Felix does that. You mentally rolled your eyes and smiled at him. “Yes, yes, I do” you slightly lied as you took a seat. It’s not that you didn’t like pizza… it’s just that it would’ve been nice if he’d ask you what you like. Felix would’ve- STOP. 

You scolded yourself mentally and tried to focus on the man in front of you. 

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

“So, what music do you like?” Ashton asked. 

You put your glass down and smiled. “Oh, well, I’m into pop music, mostly. I like k-pop, too. A lot” you nodded. “My best friend’s in-“ you stopped yourself. 

“He’s…?” he trailed off waiting for you to continue. 

“He’s in a band”

“A k-pop band?” he asked, his eyebrows furrowing with a smile.

“Yeah. They’re great, actually” you smiled. “What do you listen to?”

Ashton sighed. “Well, I’m into country music”

“Oh, like… what? Taylor Swift, Shania Twain, Little Big Town?” you asked, remembering a couple of bands and singers you liked.

“Nah, they sound too pop for me” he nodded with a shrug. “I’m more into Morgan Wallen”

Yikes.

“Right” you trailed off. 

“He’s great. You should listen to his music, actually” 

I pass. “Yeah, sure. I’ll listen to some of his stuff” you faked a promise. 

You couldn’t stop thinking about him. Every little thing he said or did, you compared it to what Felix did. He was so different from him.

Ashton kept talking and you couldn’t help but wander your eyes around his features. He was so different. He wasn’t ugly. Not at all. He was very handsome. You knew that you could easily date this guy. He was sweet. But he was nothing like him. He wasn’t Felix. 

“Hey, you okay?” Ashton woke you up from your daydreaming by putting his palm on top of the back of your hand. “You look like you were gone for a couple of seconds” he chuckled. 

You smiled slightly at him and then shook your head. “Y-yeah, it’s just uh-“

“Here you go, guys” the waiter came with their order. “A margherita with garlic” he said and placed the pizza in the middle of the table. 

“Thank you” Ashton nodded. 

Once the waiter was gone, Ashton smiled.

“Shall we?” 

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

Felix was staring at his phone. 

He was busy texting Chan, who was the only person that he had confessed his feelings towards you. The other band members were aware, because Felix made it too obvious, but the blonde hadn’t said anything to them. 

Felix: I don’t know what to do, man.

Chan: Why didn’t you try to stop her?

Exactly. Why didn’t he try to stop her?

The answer was pretty simple.

Felix: Because I’m a coward.

Felix: That’s why.

He sighed, staring at the ceiling. It was eating him up. 

Chan: You’re not. But seriously, you need to tell her, man. 

He’s right. 

Chan: Or else, when will you do it? What if Y/N really likes the guy and decides to pursue a romantic relationship with him?

Shit. 

What if you really liked this dude?

Chan: Think about it. 

He really needed you home. 

He needed to tell you.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

You chewed on the pizza while Ashton was telling you an anecdote from one of his friends. You had lost the story’s thread a long time ago and at this point, you were just staring at his forehead with only one thing in mind: getting home to Felix. 

“Y/N?” he asked with a frown. 

Shit. This was like the third time you had zoned out. 

“Hey, are you okay? I promise I won’t get mad, but is there something going on?”

You bit your lip and then released it. “No- I mean, yes” you stammered. 

“What is it? Do you feel okay, do you-“

“No, Ashton, just-“ you cut yourself off with a huff. “I need to go home”

“Oh-“

“By myself” you clarified when you saw him start to grab his stuff. “I’m so sorry, really. You seem like a very good guy but-“

“You like someone else, am I right?” Ashton smiled sadly.

You pressed your lips together. “No.”

Ashton nodded. “You love someone else”

He wasn’t asking. It was a statement.

And then you nodded. 

“I get it. I do, too” Ashton said, his face red. “I- I’m sorry too. I used this excuse of a date to get over someone. And I’ve been trying so hard but-“

“You just can’t get them out of your head” you completed.

“Exactly” Ashton said with a chuckle.

“I know” you smiled. “I’m sorry”

“No, don’t apologise. I figured” he shrugged. 

“At least let me pay. I mean, you really tried to be nice and I just kept zoning out” You tried.

“It’s okay, Y/N, I promise”

“No, it’s not. Really” you pleaded.

Ashton smiled. “Alright. But only if we split the check… and I get to take the pizza home” he smirked.

You chuckled. “You got yourself a deal, mister”

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

Felix opened the kitchen cabinet and took out the brownie jar, leaving it on the counter. He then stared at it. 

You made your mark on me,

a golden tattoo

You were everywhere. Including in that stupid jar of brownies. It reminded him how he had made them for you. Because he knew you absolutely loved his baking. 

A key digging into the keyhole startled him and he put the jar away, choosing not to eat due to the heavy anxiety sitting at the pit of his tummy. 

You got inside the apartment, panting heavily. 

His eyebrows furrowed as he saw you close the door quickly and throw your stuff on the couch. “Hey, you’re home early. Everything okay?” he asked, getting worried. 

“I know… I’m fine” you said, getting nervous all of a sudden. 

Felix nodded, leaning against the counter. “How did it go?” he asked shyly. 

You sighed and looked away. “Um… terrible” you chuckled to yourself.

Felix felt ashamed, but he was kind of glad to hear that. “Oh. I’m- I’m sorry to hear that, darling” he told you, lying. 

“Well, I’m not” you said, feeling your heartbeat getting louder and faster by the second.

His eyebrows furrowed. “Why’s that? Did he do something to you?” he asked, getting angry. 

“No, no, no” you quickly shook your head. “He was nice, and… polite. But he wasn’t… he just wasn’t…” you stammered. 

Felix started walking towards you. “Hey… tell me” he said, putting his hands on your bare shoulders. “He wasn’t what?”

You swallowed, feeling your throat getting dry, like sandpaper. “He just wasn’t you” you whispered.

But he caught it. He felt his heart drop. You couldn’t have just said that, did you?. “What?” he asked, confused. 

You looked away and took in a deep breath. “I was just dressing up for someone that I wish that it was you… I wished you would’ve told me not to go on that date. To stop me. I wish the date I went on today… I wish my date had been you, Felix” you confessed. 

He blinked a couple of times, trying to let the new information sink in, while his hands on your shoulders dropped to rest by his sides. 

“I kept… comparing him to you” you told him. “Every single thing he did, I just kept thinking what you would’ve done. Or said. Or the things he didn’t do, and how I know you would’ve done. Like- fuck, like pulling my chair for me to sit in” you chuckled slightly. “Cause you’re in my mind all the time. You’re all I think about, Lix. And it drives me crazy”

Felix shook his head. “Y/N-“

“I know. I’m sorry” you apologized. “This is a lot. I know. And I get it if you don’t feel the same, I do-“

Your rambling was cut short when a pair of hands grabbed your cheeks and pulled you into the most magical kiss of your entire life. He was holding your head still, angling it so he could kiss you as he liked, pushing his tongue into your mouth, while it curled with yours. His kiss had swallowed your surprised gasp, turning into a moan that vibrated against his lips. 

Felix pulled away from your mouth and pressed his forehead against yours, your breaths mingling together as you panted from the intensity of your first kiss. 

“Y/N…” he mumbled in a desperate hush.

Say my name and everything just stops,

I don’t want you like a best friend

“I love you” he whispered, making you gasp internally. “I’ve always loved you, in fact. I was just- just so fucking terrified of you rejecting me and I didn’t wanna ruin our friendship” 

You smiled, shaking your head. “Felix… how is it possible that you didn’t notice how head over heels in love I am with you?” you asked him, with a chuckle.

Felix pressed a long kiss to your lips. “I love you” he said, looking into your eyes. “I-“ kiss. “love-“ kiss. “you-“ kiss. “so-“ kiss. “much” he finished with an open-mouthed kiss that made your knees wobble. 

His kiss made you warm inside… and another place. You shifted, pressing your thighs together as he continued kissing the life out of you. 

With a pant, you pulled away slightly, your noses rubbing against each other’s. “Lix…”

“Yeah?” he asked, pressing a kiss to your nose. 

“Take me to bed” you whispered.

He pulled his face back with a pained groan. “Y/N, I want to, I swear but… I wanna do this right. I want to take you out on a date and-”

“Me too, I know, but I need you right now. So bad” you pleaded, your eyes searching his. 

Felix was only human. He couldn’t resist such temptation, and the fact that you were literally begging him to fuck you. He saw it in your eyes. 

He took you by surprise by crouching down slightly, placing his palms on the back of your thighs and hoisting you up, making you squeal in surprise. You crossed your legs behind his back and pressed your lips against his as he walked with you in his arms towards his bedroom. 

You didn’t know how he managed to walk with you in his arms while kissing him without bumping into anything. He kicked the door open and walked towards the bed, throwing you into the center of it. You bounced on the mattress with a surprised gasp and stared at him with doe eyes as his hand went to the back of the neck from his shirt, pulling it over his head, and throwing it on the floor. 

Felix decided to give you a show and clenched his stomach, showcasing his very defined abs. 

That motherfucker, you thought to yourself. 

“See something you like?” he teased you, with a smirk, as he watched you stare deeply at his stomach.

Your eyes met his and you let your head fall onto your shoulder. “Oh, yeah, pretty much everything” you said, letting your eyes dance over his figure. 

Felix smirked and moved his hand to the belt of his jeans, unfastening it torturously slow and throwing it where he had thrown the shirt before. He then crawled up to your shivering frame and put his hands on each side of your head, dipping his head to catch your lips into a drugging kiss. 

Your hands grabbed at his back, trying to pull him to drop his weight on top of you and he obeyed, pressing his hips first so that his bulge was pressing against your crotch, making both of you groan. Your nails dug into his back as you continued kissing, definitely marking him up. 

His hands traveled to the edge of your dress, his hands dipping under it and caressing your soft skin. His kisses drifted to your neck, biting your soft flesh, making you gasp. 

“You’re so beautiful” he mumbled against your skin. He licked at a certain spot in your neck and then bit it, making your arch your back. “So, so beautiful” 

Suddenly, he pulled away completely, grabbing your arms to sit you up. He turned you around softly, making you kneel on the bed, facing the wall. His soft fingers caressed the zip of your dress, grabbing at it and slowly pulling it down all the way. His hands dipped inside of the dress and pulled it off, and he stared at your braless back. The dress was pooling at your waist by now and you swallowed, trying to find the courage to turn around and reveal yourself. 

He dropped a kiss to the side of your neck, sensing your nervousness. 

You turned around slowly, looking into his eyes, as his dropped down immediately to your chest, noticing how they were black at this point from lust. 

You felt nervous under his gaze and you couldn’t help but say something.

“It’s for you…” you breathed out. 

His eyes fluttered a couple of times and looked at you. “What?” he mumbled, confused. 

“I bought it for you. The dress…” you said, licking your lips and trying to find the words that were threatening to die on your throat. “I wanted you to see me in it… I wanted you to take it off from me” 

Only bought this dress so you could take it off. 

Felix let out a ragged breath out, cupping your face and bringing you into another drugging kiss. His hot breath hitting your upper lip and the way his hands slid from your cheeks to your back, made you arch your back and press your bare chest against his. The skin to skin contact made you shiver and you both groaned. 

Your hands were gripping his wrists, as he continued kissing you as he liked. 

His hands drifted to where your dress was sitting, bunched on your waist, and he grabbed it, pulling it off. 

The action made you stumble on the bed slowly on your back as you lifted your hips up so he could take off the dress completely.

Once he got it out, he chucked it on the floor and got on top of you once again. He dug his face into your neck, kissing and nipping at your skin, and his mouth started to drift further down your body. At this point, he was leaving dark purple marks on your skin, but you didn’t mind. Not one bit. 

His hot mouth stopped at the valley of your breasts, his hands enveloping each one and letting his thumb run across your nipple, making you shudder and let out a whine. 

Felix bit into your skin and then pressed your breasts together, burying his head into your chest, letting his lips suckle and bite at your nipples. Your hands carded through his hair and held him in place as his ministrations made you moan. 

“Lix, please” you whined, pressing the back of your head against the pillow. 

He suckled once and lifted his head to stare at you. “What? What do you want, baby?” he asked in a whisper. 

“I- I just…”

“Use your words” he urged.

You swallowed and propped yourself on your elbows, staring at him with a soft panting. “I want you to go lower” you told him, trembling and slightly scared of his reaction. 

You had asked him to do something that no one had done to you before. 

He smirked and pressed a soft kiss to your lips, then pulled away to continue kissing his way down to your stomach. He bit at the skin close to your navel as his hands caressed your skin down to your thighs, opening them up. 

Felix pressed a kiss to your pubic bone, over your panties, and then his fingers curled on the band of the lace, tugging them down your long legs torturously slow. 

You got shy and nervous all of a sudden and pressed your thighs together. You felt a little stupid, knowing that you were the one that had asked him to do that. His hands grabbed your thighs and gently pulled them apart, sending you a wink and a little smile, reassuring you it was okay. 

His gaze settled on your core and you blushed, feeling your face turn hot. Felix let his fingers dance your slit, collecting the wetness pooling there. He then pressed his fingers to his mouth, sucking them clean with a groan. 

With an animalistic groan, he dove his face into your core, dipping his fingers inside of you and sucking on your clit. Your back arched violently as your fingers gripped on his hair, pressing his head into your heat. You moaned in surprise and tugged on Felix’s hair, making him groan against your flesh. He liked that.

He scissored his fingers, dragging them against your walls. 

“Yeah, just like that, Lix. Fuck” you moaned breathily. 

His free hand caressed and gripped your thigh as he continued his ministrations. He pulled out his fingers and licked them clean, once again. Then, his tongue licked over your hole and pressed the tip of it inside of you. 

“Fuck, I’m close, Lix” you said, continuing to grip his hair tightly, pressing him against your cunt. 

His thumb rubbed tight circles on your clit, making your back arch and release your orgasm on his tongue with a long moan. You laid gasping, with your hands on your stomach as he pressed kisses on your shaking thighs and caressing your skin. “You okay, beautiful?” he asked, crawling towards you to press a kiss on your cheek. 

You nodded, curling your arms around his neck and bringing him closer. His mouth went to kiss your neck once again, laying half of his weight on top of you.

“This is all I’ve wanted” he whispered against your neck, his deep voice vibrating against your skin making you shiver. Your fingers caressed the back of his neck, his words were making your heart beat louder. “All I’ve dreamed about” he whispered, kissing your flesh.

“God, me too” you whispered back. “You’re all I want”

Felix lifted his head and pressed his forehead against yours. “I love you” 

“I love you” you said to him with a smile and kissed him, trying to show him all the love you held in your heart for him. 

Inescapable, I’m not even going to try

And if I get burned, at least we were electrified

One of his hands made its way to your head, holding you in place while the other drew patterns on the skin of your waist, gripping it a little. He pulled away from the kiss, stared at your mouth and pressed two more kisses.

Your hands that were on his neck, made their way down to his jeans, unbuttoning them. “Take them off” you whispered against his mouth, kissing him again. 

He pressed two more kisses to your mouth and lifted himself from on top of you to take his jeans, letting them drop on the floor as he stepped out of them. 

The bulge in his boxers made you whimper and bit your lip. He saw your face and smirked, hooking his fingers in the waistband and pulling them down his legs, standing naked in front of you. 

He crawled back on top of you, claiming your mouth in a kiss full of tongue and heavy breathing. You moaned, grabbing his arm with one hand and the other one pressed against his chest. 

The hand on his chest drifted down to his pelvis, curling around his erection, making him groan and bite your lip. 

“What- what are you doing?” he asked, pulling away from your mouth, his eyebrows furrowing and twisting in pleasure as your hand started moving up and down over his shaft, his thumb wiping his tip. 

You smirked, sticking your tongue out and licking his lips sensually. “Returning the favor” you whispered hotly against his lips. 

He let you continue for a few seconds before grabbing your wrist and pulling it away from his shaft. “Next time, okay? I wanna come inside of you” he said, kissing your cheek. 

You nodded and smiled when he pressed more kisses to your cheeks. “Do you have a condom?” you asked. 

He pulled away and stuck his arm out to his nightstand, pulling out a condom from the first drawer. Felix lifted himself up slightly, rolling the condom on his cock and then went back to his last position on top of you. 

The head of his cock nudged your entrance, making you gasp and dig your nails on his shoulders. His nose brushed against yours as he slid inside of you, swallowing your gasp with a kiss. 

He bottomed out, giving you a couple of seconds to adjust to his thick length. His hands were gripping the sheets tightly, trying to refrain from driving into you at a wild pace. 

“Are you okay?” he asked, sounding kind of strangled. 

“Yeah, yeah” you nodded breathily. “You can move”

“Fuck” he whispered, pressing his face against your neck and started to snap his hips against yours. “Fuck, you’re so tight, baby” he groaned. 

You moaned with every thrust, your nails raking his back. “Oh, God, Lix” you gasped in a whine, feeling full and overwhelmed, in the best kind of way possible.

His hips were moving steadily as his mouth enveloped yours, trying to hold the urge to slam his hips against yours. One of his hands went to one of your breasts, gripping it tightly, his thumb sliding over your nipple, making you cry out. 

“Lix, faster… please” you pleaded, and it was enough for him to grab your thigh, pulling it over his waist and fucking you deeper and faster, the sinful sound of skin slapping on skin invading the room in a constant echo. “God! Just like that” you continued whispering his name over and over, like a prayer.

“You’re so beautiful” he whispered against your lips before claiming your mouth with a kiss. “I love you. You’re the love of my life, Y/N. It’s always been you” he continued whispering against your lips, getting closer to the edge with every thrust. 

“I’m yours… yours. All yours” you gasped when you felt his fingers starting to rub circles on your clit, trying to get you closer to your orgasm. “Lix- Lix, I’m close, so fucking close”

“Good, come with me, baby. I need you to come” he said, sticking his tongue out and licking your throat and then biting your skin, making you clench around him, finding the action super hot. “God, you’re so tight” he babbled.

You arched your back as you felt your orgasm rush through you in a hot wave across your body, making you moan and curl your fingers on his bicep, digging his nails against the skin. 

Felix’s face fell to your neck as he thrust hard a couple of times before spilling inside the condom with a moan muffled against your skin. His body shook with aftershocks from the earth-shattering orgasm he just had as he felt his body go limp and fall against yours.

You wrapped your limbs around him, holding him tightly against you as you both tried to regain your breathing. Your hands caressed his back while your nose nuzzled against the shell of his ear. 

Felix lifted his head up and looked down at her, his eyes searching yours. He then smiled, pressing his mouth against yours, his hand caressing your hair. 

He pulled away and you saw the love in his eyes. How lucky you were.

You could live like this, knowing that there was so much love inside of him. For you. He loved you. 

Yes, you were so lucky. 

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

You threw your head back in laughter, holding your glass of wine as Felix made you laugh, telling some stupidity as you both felt the effects from the alcohol running through your veins. 

You both decided to jump into the bath after two more rounds of passionate sex and treat yourselves with some wine. 

“God, I don’t know how you dated her” you laughed. “She was so dumb”

“Yeah, I know” he nodded, looking away. “She- truth is, and I’m gonna sound like an asshole, but… I dated her because she looked like you” he said. 

You pulled your face back in surprise. Felix had dated this bimbo named Julia a couple of months ago, and now that you recall her face, she did look like you. 

“Wow” you giggled. “Yeah… she did” 

Felix groaned, burying his face into the palm of his hand. 

“Don’t be embarrassed” you told him, getting closer to him, placing your palm on his cheek, urging him to look at you with a nudge. “Hey, look at me” you said, and Felix slowly looked at you and you noticed the pretty blush sitting on his cheeks, giving his freckles a colorful background. “It’s alright, we’ve all had our moments to forget about someone. I mean, I cannot blame you. I literally just came from a date hours ago, one that I went to forget about you”

“Yeah, and look how that went” Felix said with a smirk.

“Oh, it went good” you smirked, climbing on top of him, with the glass in your hand. Your knee slid a little, making you stumble a bit and he grabbed your waist to steady you, the movement causing to make you spill some of the red liquid on the water. 

“No! Careful” Felix laughed, making you laugh back.

“I almost slipped, I’m sorry” you chuckled, leaving the glass on the floor and curling your arms around his neck. 

You two stared at each other and you felt his wet, warm hands sliding over your back in a sweet caress. “You’re so beautiful, you know that?” he said, pressing kisses on your face. “Ethereal, I swear to God” he whispered, making you bite your lip.

“Are you even real?” you whispered. “I think I’m just imagining you” 

Felix made a movement with his pelvis, making his hard on nudge against your core. “Do you think that’s fake?” he asked, his deep voice making you clench around nothing.

You gasped, your nails digging into his back. “No… no, that’s definitely real” you gasped. 

I’m spilling wine in the bathtub

You kiss my face and we’re both drunk

Everyone thinks that they know us, but they know nothing

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

You looked at yourself in the mirror after finishing the last touches of blush on your cheeks. Your fingers glided over the pretty dress that you had bought. For him. For the right person. 

Your person.

A vibration made you look down to the phone laying on the bathroom counter. 

Felix: You ready, my love?

You giggled at the message, feeling like a little kid. You quickly replied, telling him that you were going and left the bathroom, putting your stuff inside your purse. 

Sliding your shoes on your feet, you felt your heart starting to beat faster in nervousness, but in excitement as well. 

This was going to be the best date ever. Not because of what you were doing. But because of who you were going with. 

You opened the door of your bedroom and saw him standing there with a nervous smile and a bouquet of flowers in his hands. Your favourite flowers. 

With a gasp, your hands flew to cover your mouth. 

“Baby” you whispered, extending your hands to grab the bouquet. “Oh my God, I don’t know what to say. They’re so beautiful”

Felix smiled in pride, seeing your face and how it lit up when you saw the flowers. “Do you like them?” he asked, getting a little shy.

“Like them?” you gasped with a smile. “I love them, honey. I love you” you said, curling your free arm around his neck and bringing him into a passionate kiss. 

HIs hands fell to your waist, pulling you closer against him. 

“I love you” you whispered again into his lips.

“I love you” he whispered back. “So, so much” 

As he continued to press kisses into your mouth, you started to wonder: how were you deserving of such a wonderful man? So attentive, so caring and thoughtful. 

“I don’t deserve you” you let it slip up.

Felix’s eyebrows furrowed, pulling his face back, getting serious out of a sudden. “Don’t say that” he whispered. “Of course you do. We deserve each other. We deserve to be with each other after so much waiting. After so much pining” he said, caressing your cheek with the back of his fingers.

You looked at him, tears pooling in your eyes.

“Hey, no, don’t cry” he said with a smile, making you mirror his expression, letting out a laugh as a single tear rolled down your cheek and he caught it, brushing it away. “Come on, as much as I’d like to stare at your pretty face all day… we have a date going on” he smirked.

You bit your lip and you kissed him. “Let’s go” you smiled at him.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

And I woke up just in time, 

now I wake up by your side.

With a content sigh, your eyes fluttered open and stretched your limbs, feeling your cheek squished against your lover’s chest. You cranked your neck to stare at his pretty face, still asleep. 

Hoisting yourself on your elbows, you admired all his facial features. His beautiful nose.

His perfect lips. 

His lashes.

His freckles.

God, his freckles. Did they made you weak in the knees. 

You bit your lip, wondering how the hell was this man yours. He had seen you at your worst. And he still stayed. 

Even in my worst times, you could see the best in me

Flashback to my mistakes,

my rebounds,

my earthquakes

Even in my worst lies, you saw the truth in me

He was everything to you. He had you, in the palm of his hand. He could crush you, in any second, he could do anything he wanted with you. And he chose to cherish you. Love you. Worship you. 

He was your angel. And your sunshine. 

His eyes fluttered open and smiled when he caught your face.��

“Hello handsome” you whispered, placing your hand on his cheek, caressing his supple skin. 

He let out a breath, out of content. “Hello, beautiful”

Yeah, he was your everything.

My one and only,

my lifeline.

[whimsical-roasting]

Jamie Tartt and the Five Love Language

THERES SO MUCH I COULD SAYYY and special thanks to @caapsiizzereads for helping me brainstorm some of these!! ugh just wanna love on the babyboy so much yknow??

TELL ME IF THERE'S MORE YOU CAN THINK OFFFFF

Words of Affirmations:

HE HAS A PRAISE KINK. ITS LITERALLYYYYYYY CANNON 

Babyboy is so precious…… he knows how it feels not to get kind words, and so he just can’t help but give them out to you

“Woah, babe…your mind..” in a stunned manner when you go off about something you’re passionate about

“You’re everything to me,” he whispers at night as you fall asleep

Has a shared spotify playlist that you both can collab on, and it’s just songs (lyrics) that remind you of each other!! Jamie plays it when he’s heading to away games in the coach, and it makes him feel a bit calmer 

Giving you ALL the praise and dirty talk during sexy time “you’re so fucking beautiful”, “you make me feel so so good” “holy fuck angel” 

Sometimes just stares at you randomly with a goofy look and you’re like ??? what ??? what is it ?? did he realise i’m ugly or my nose is weird or wHAT !!!???!! and he’s just like, “you look like sunshine”, all smitten and shit

Kisses each feature on your body and says “my favourite” to every. single. one.

“I believe in ya!”

Desperately wants to make sure you guys have a couple’s song - something meaningful that describes how he feels about you that he can play for you both… like Sweet Nothings by Taylor Swift/Hearts Don’t Break Around You by Ed Sheeran/Simple Things by Miguel 

Plays that song after fights when the silences are still tender; when you’re drunk and slow dancing in the kitchen at 3am; when you’re getting dressed for a gala, and he’s fixing his hair, and you’re putting on your earrings

“I adore you, sweetheart”, “you look like a pretty flower”, “me heart fuckin sings seeing ya”

Physical Touch:

Absent-mindedly plays with your hair

Nuzzles face into your neck and then peppers kisses on your shoulder

Massages/scratches your scalp cause he knows how good it feels when you do it for him

Traces patterns on your knee and thighs if you sit next to him

Gotta be holding hands at all times

Pinky promises are sacred… probs locks pinkies and then kisses his thumb to “stamp it” 

Slapping his ass as he walks past you, and so he’s always covering his butt, complaining “babeeee you can’t do thattttt”, but then he’ll be all pouty if one day you don’t slap his ass when he walks past… “do you not love me anymore?”

He will randomly come up to you, wrap your arms around you, getting as close as possible and tuck his face between your shoulder and neck, saying that he’s recharging

Always gotta be touching some part of you.. it’s the only way to live tbh

Gift Giving:

Remember when Jamie was like, “can’t I just buy them all PS5s as a sorry??” “what better thing to spend money on than love?“ LMFAOOOO babyboy :”) he means well

The amount of effort he put into Roy’s gift for Uncle’s Day <3 

Jamie would fucking love getting you fancy, expensive gifts around big occasions (birthdays, holidays etc.) 

BUT I think he’d also love getting you smaller gifts like… Sunday morning flowers, or stocking up on different kinds of herbal tea in his kitchen cause he knows sometimes you’re in the mood for a random cuppa on quiet evenings

Personally, someone like me loves cute tea cups/mugs, so I think buying two mugs to keep in his house cause “they’re so cute, and I wanted them for us” would make him so happy!! He doesn’t even use them all that much, but just seeing them in the cupboard makes him smiley

The kind to want matching outfits or colour-coordinated outfits - most def would buy you both matching sneakers (so would Isaac/most of the team with his S/O)

Gets you a ‘J’ gold chain and wears a gold one with your initial 

If he sees some targeted ad on your insta or something for what you’ve searched up he’s like hmmm,,,,,,i might just,,,*add to cart*

Quality Time:

Wants to spend all his time with you!! Ofc he does!!! 

Is happy to just sit in silence, stroking your calves he watches tiktok with your legs on his lap!! Esp if you’re like reading/doing work on your laptop

He just wants to be there yknow? And he tries not to be annoying but the little puppy can’t help but wanna talk and touch and, ultimately, annoy you

Tries to invite you to all his events? “Can me girlfriend come?” 

Even the ones that aren’t for guests, “babeeee, what do ya mean you won’t come to Colin’s guys' night? I swear they’ll be fine with it…probably!!” “can I come to girl’s night with ya? I’ll let you paint me nails…come on.. Pleaseeee?”

Texts you periodically during the night regardless ahahaha

I like the idea of, “hey I gotta drive somewhere, and it’s gonna take me 30 minutes..can you talk?” whilst one of you is in the car and the other’s at home or, I dunno, has some time during their day 

Date nightssssss every two weeks… OR if the season gets busy and he’s also exhausted from Roy’s trainings then SPECIFIC carved out time to be affectionate and date-y

“I’m so sorry, love, I know we had that reservation tonight, but I came home knackered and just crashed…” “Jaim, it’s okay-” “No, no, it’s not! I’m so fucking dead from training I don’t even get to take ya out anymore! What if- what if you wanted a picnic, huh!” “Baby, it’s okay, really.. How about we set up a picnic on the living room floor and order takeout? Something that Roy’ll let you eat, yea?” “I’m so fucking grateful for ya, angel, I swear” 

He always wants you to watch him score a goal on FIFA cause he’s a child ahahaha… probably teaches you how to play and then pouts when you score as Obisanya 

Wants to try out random hobbies with you - sip and paint cause “I’ll have an excuse to draw outta the lines”; knitting cause “Bumbercatch said it’s soothin, babe”; quick dry clay but he makes a big circular lump at first and grins at you “look babe!! I made a football!” 

Acts of Service:

HIM TEACHING ROY HOW TO RIDE A BIKE 

Makes you coffee once he’s back from his 4am training 

Always offers you his jacket/coat

“I know this was stressing ya, babe, so I took care of it”

“Don’t worry, love, I’ve been practising this dish just for you.. I won’t burn it this time, promise”

Late night cravings???? McDonald’s fries and an Oreo Mcflurry?? He’s already slipping on his jacket and finding his keys (imagine how attentive he’d be with your weird ass pregnancy cravings omg)

ALWAYS opens doors for you... Probably yells “WAIT” when in the car with you just so he can jog out and open your door with a grin 

Always down to carry your purse, puts it on his shoulder like it’s HIS despite having his lil bum bag across his chest

Nightime or morning routine, he probs has to get ready before you so he lays out your skincare for you. Probs adds toothpaste on your brush if he hears you getting ready to enter the bathroom

Probably the main one driving everywhere, but if you drive and need to fill up your tank, he’ll be the one to get out and fill it then pay,,, he’s almost offended that you say you’re capable of doing so yourself, “babe, what am I here for?!”

Tries to eat in accordance with your dietary requirements (e.g. I’m vegetarian) if you guys have date night - or he’ll always have like mouthwash and gum so he can kiss ya later without making you feel uncomfortable!!

“Ooh babe, they have the ravioli ya like and the vodka gnocchi!! Okay, you order the ravioli, and I’ll get the gnocchi and we’ll split, yea?” “Hey Jaim, can we order fries too?” “Fuck yea!”

[trashywormeateroffics]

i hate men (natasha romanoff x female reader)

the gif is not mine!

summary: so… being hopelessly in love with your best friend and getting super drunk is not the best combination? who would’ve thought? (a bit of angst but mostly fluff)

a/n: send me natasha requests if you want to!!!!!! you can send me normal requests, or you can also send me a taylor swift song and i’ll write a natasha fic with it!

masterlist

\\\\

you hated stark parties. they were loud, messy, annoying and did you mention loud?

being an introvert was a difficult task at the avengers compound, where these sort of events were being held every two weeks.

sighing, you gulp down the last of your drink. today you chose a coke, since you didn’t want to get drunk and embarrass yourself like the others always did.

“having fun?”

“no!” you say over enthusiastically. natasha snorts and shakes her head at you from behind the bar. she looks stunning, wearing a tight black dress that hugs her body perfectly and her red hair loose and wild. she never goes heavy on the make up, you noticed. not that she needs it, she’s breathtakingly beautiful without it.

“you should at least dance to one song, maybe you’ll even enjoy it.” she says, pulling you out of your not so friendly thoughts of her.

“i refuse.”

“don’t act like a petulant child.”

“don’t act like my mother.” natasha smirks. god that smirk. “if you call yourself mommy, i’m leaving.” the redhead shrugs.

“you handed it to me on a silver platter.”

“whatever.” you roll your eyes.

“i’ll have a manhattan, please.” a man slides up next to you on a barstool. natasha nods and begins preparing his drink. you don’t fail to notice the man’s lascivious look as he stares at her. it makes your blood boil. you know she hates when men sexualize her. and, truth be told, you hate it too. maybe not always for the right reasons, but most of the time they are. natasha romanoff is the best person in the entire world. she is also your favorite person in the entire world. she’s super smart, she’s so funny you almost peed yourself an embarrassing amount of times in front of her, she’s brave, she’s so goddamn brave you sometimes wish she wasn’t so she wouldn’t put herself at risk. but that’s the thing about natasha, she does that because she cares. she cares so much about everyone, and contrary to what people would think, it’s not because she feels guilty for her past, but because she’s good. her heart is so good, so kind. and she’s strong, the strongest. you know what she went through and still, she remained good. that takes a hell of a lot strength. and yes, she’s hot. she’s so fucking hot sometimes you can’t believe she’s even real. but she’s so much more than that. she’s your best friend, and the woman that you-

“thanks, gorgeous.” the man’s voice brings you back to reality and you look at him, hoping you’re shooting lasers out of your eyes and burning him. natasha simply nods and looks at you from the corner of her eye. you know what that look means, you know what every look means. if he tries something, i’m gonna shoot him.

you purse your lips to stop yourself from laughing loudly, your anger long forgotten when she enters your line of sight.

the man clears his throat, trying to gain her attention.

“so, you from around here?”

“no.” she tells him. then, she gives him a fake smile. “if you don’t mind, i’m pretty busy.” he does not seem to take the hint, so you turn to him.

“she’s asking you to leave.”

“and who are you?”

“one of tony stark’s closest friends. you wouldn’t want to be black listed for his parties for eternity, would you?” the man widens his eyes a bit. “yeah, i thought so. now, leave.” you shoo him away with a gesture of your hand, almost dismissively and he, thank every god that exists, gets up and leaves.

“my knight in shining armor.” natasha tells you, smirking. “you saved me.” you wish she was right. you wish you had done it to save her instead of yourself. but, to be frank, you didn’t. of course you don’t want her to feel uncomfortable, but you know she can handle herself just fine. the one who couldn’t stand it was you. you are an idiot. an idiot who’s hopelessly in love with her best friend.

“sorry, i know you can defend yourself. i just-“

“you just what?” she raises an eyebrow. you know that expression. it means she’s challenging you to tell her.

“i just hate men.” for a second, she looks almost disappointed. but you probably imagined that.

“yeah.” she nods. “i’m gonna head to the ladies room.” and then she leaves.

you sigh and run your hands over your face. natasha romanoff is going to be the death of you. but oh, what a sweet death.

“when are you gonna tell her?” sam’s voice makes you lift your head up.

“tell who what?”

“tell natasha that you love her.”

“i’ve already told her that a million times.”

“no.” he shakes his head. “that you love her love her, that you wanna kiss her.” you scoff.

“never. oh and also, could you keep it quiet? what if she hears you?”

“then finally you will both admit that you’re in love with one another and stop giving each other longing glances across every single room you’re in.”

“i don’t give her longing glances.” you lie. of course you do.

“uh-huh.”

“whatever samantha. don’t care, didn’t ask. plus i don’t even know if she likes girls.”

“she likes you.”

“as a friend.”

“you are so goddamn stubborn…” he begins saying, but his voice fades into the background when you see her. your breathing stops. she’s dancing. she’s swaying her hips and smiling and she looks so fucking angelic you want to pinch yourself because, surely, this must be a dream. but then, your heart drops to your stomach. he’s touching her. he has his fucking hands on her hips as he dances behind her and she isn’t pushing him away. you feel sick to your stomach. “hey, you there?” sam waves his hand in front of you. “hey…?” he trails off. then he probably follows your line of sight because he ohs in understanding. he says your name and pity drips from it. “they’re just dancing.”

“yeah.” you say, choked up. you hate that seeing her with someone else makes your heart burn from the pain. but it does, and it hurts so much. it was the first time since you admitted to yourself that you were in love with her that you saw her with another person. a man. stupid men and their stupid hands. tears well up in your eyes, but you won’t cry. you refuse to cry. not for love. never.

“what are you doing?” sam asks you as you walk all the way around the bar and crouch under it. “don’t.” he tells you when he sees what’s in your hands. you look at him dead in the eye and gulp down the whiskey straight from the bottle.

\\\\

“woo! this is so fun!” you shout over the music. you’ve been dancing for almost an hour now and you were most definitely drunk. you don’t even notice sam and natasha calling your name.

“what are you doing? you hate drinking.” the redhead frowns.

“maybe it’s time for someone to go to bed.”

“yes, nat. go to bed.” you tell her.

“no, whiskey straight out of the bottle, i’m talking about you.” you laugh at sam’s long nickname but then you pout when you sway and almost fall to the floor. “you wanna take care of it?” he asks the spy and she nods.

“i’ll take her to bed.”

“and what will we do there?” you ask suggestively. natasha looks at you unimpressed.

“you, lay down. me, scold you.”

“are you gonna spank me?” you smirk. she swallows hard. uh oh, she’s mad. you raise your hands innocently in front of you and she rolls her eyes.

“let’s go.” you want to protest but you know better than that. begrudgingly you begin following her, but stop when the room starts to spin. natasha must notice it, because she turns around and puts her arm around your waist and your arm around her shoulders.

the walk to your room is silent, except for your giggles. you don’t really know what you’re giggling about, but she’s here so it makes sense to do so.

she helps you lay down on your bed and takes off your shoes. as she does so, you look at her. god, you love her so much. and god, you are doomed for life.

“you’re never gonna love me.” you blurt out. she looks at you and frowns.

“what?”

“you’re never gonna love me.” you tell her again, pouting. she waits until she’s tucked you in the bed to answer.

“of course i love you.”

“no.” you frown. “you don’t.”

“what are you talking about?”

“i’m so drunk.” you say out of the blue.

“come on, on your side.” you do as she says and position yourself on your side, so you don’t drown in your own vomit and die.

“you don’t want me to die.” you slur, almost asleep now.

“of course i don’t want you to die!” you open your eyes and look at her. she’s kneeling next to you on the bed and sorting out some pills for tomorrow morning. you’re most likely going to need them. she then puts them on your nightstand next to your water bottle.

“but you don’t love me.” you say again. she looks at you, frowning. you stare at her. her green eyes, so kind. her cheeks, you want to squeeze them between your fingers and call her cute. her eyebrows, so perfect. and her lips, god, her lips. they look so soft. you bet they’re warm to the touch. so kissable.

“you’re so beautiful, natty.”

she looks taken aback by that, but she quickly recovers and smiles softly.

“don’t try to sweet talk me into not being mad at you.”

“i’m not!” you protest. “you can be mad at me but you’re still the prettiest girl in the world.”

“you’re drunk.”

“and you’re beautiful.”

she says your name softly with a smile on her face.

“get some rest, detka.” her hand is softly combing through your hair.

“i love it when you call me detka. did i pronounce that right? probably not.” you mumble. she chuckles.

“you pronounced it right.”

“nat…” you say.

“what?”

“i love you.”

“i love you too.”

“no.” you pout. “don’t lie. it’s not nice.” she stops caressing your hair and frowns.

“what is it with you today? of course i love you.”

“no, nat. i love you love you.”

“i love you love you too.” she tells you.

“i love you like i wanna kiss you love you not you’re my best friend love you.” she blinks at you. for a bit she doesn’t say anything. then she briefly shakes her head and sighs.

“you’re drunk. you should get some rest.” your heart breaks. she doesn’t love you like that. you should’ve known. now you’ve ruined everything. tears begin welling up in your eyes and it isn’t long before you’re crying.

“hey, hey- don’t cry.” she tells you as she wipes your tears with her thumb.

“i told you you didn’t love me.” she says your name again and takes a deep breath.

“you’re not gonna remember this but- if you do, we’ll talk in the morning.”

and then she leaves. tonight you are crying yourself to sleep.

\\\\

you open your eyes and stretch your limbs. then, you sit up and immediately groan. the most violent headache is currently splitting your mind into two. what possessed you to drink so fucking much? oh, natasha romanoff and her stupid beautiful self. and seeing her with another man, that definitely didn’t help.

you tsk and roll your eyes.

what even happened last night after you got hammered? how did you even get up to your room? did sam bring you here? did nat? no, she was too busy with someone else.

a knock on your door pulls you out of your thoughts and you tell the person to come in, and even though it comes out more as a mumble, they seem to understand, because the door opens. there, standing in all her glory, is natasha romanoff herself, accompanied by a small brown bag and a coffee, you notice after a bit.

“hey.” she greets you from the doorway.

“hi.”

“i brought you breakfast. figured you might wanna eat before taking an aspirin.”

“thank you.” you tell her and she nods awkwardly. then, she approaches you and sits down on the bed in front of you while your back is against the headboard. “did sam bring me here last night?”

“nope. i did.”

“oh… thanks natty.” she swallows and gives you a small smile that actually resembles more a wince than anything else. weird.

“so… did i do something embarrassing? please tell me i didn’t try to strip on top of a table or something.” she chuckles and shakes her head.

“you didn’t try to strip.”

“but did i do other embarrassing things?” she opens her mouth to speak but then, surprising you, she pauses and abruptly shakes her head. oh no. what did you do that is making her act so strange? you try to remember. you saw her dancing with that man and decided to get drunk. she says she was the one who brought you to your bedroom so something must’ve happened here. did you puke all over her or something? or even worse, did you admit your feelings? your eyes widen. oh no. oh no, oh no, oh no no no. that’s exactly what you did, you goddamn idiot! you remember now. you told her you loved her! you told her you wanted to kiss her! of course she’s being weird!

“nat-“

“you don’t have to say anything.” she cuts you off.

“i really wish that was the case cause i’m really fucking embarrassed but- i need to say something.”

“we all say dumb shit when we’re drunk.”

“i said the dumbest shit i could’ve ever said.” you deadpan. for a second you see a flash of hurt in her eyes, but it’s gone as soon as it appears. could it be that she- no, no, she didn’t feel that way about you.

“nat-“ she puts her hand up.

“don’t need to say anything, i’ll just forget it happened.”

“but nat-“ she says your name again, almost begging.

“please, just drop it. i get it, you didn’t mean what you said. it’s okay.” you open your mouth to say something but then you close it and frown. did she think you didn’t mean what you said? that’s why she wanted you to stop talking about it? because she wanted you to mean it?

“i-“ you look at her with wide eyes. this is it. you’re gonna tell her in the most beautiful, poetic way that you- “i hate men.” what? the redhead frowns. “i meant, i- ugh- i hate men but i especially hate them when they’re dancing with you.”

“what?” she asks now, seemingly confused.

“i saw you dancing with that guy last night. i got- ugh i’m so dumb- i got jealous. i got jealous cause i’m in love with you and… and i want to be the one who dances with you like that.” natasha does not say a word. you simply continue, because of course once you’ve started you can’t stop. “i’m so in love with you nat, i- you are literally my favorite person in the world. you are so smart and funny and kind and strong and- you can totally slap me and never talk to me again but if this is the last time we’re gonna speak i want you to know that- that i love you with my whole heart and i will always love you.” for the first time since you’ve met her, natasha romanoff is speechless. you don’t know if it’s because she’s desperately in love with you too or she’s simply thinking of different ways to kill you and get rid of your body. you really hope it’s the former. “um- could you- could you say something, please?” she blinks but still, nothing. god, you broke her. “nat- i’m sorry, i shouldn’t have-“ and she’s kissing you. natasha’s lips are on yours and you’re in heaven. or something above heaven because this is simply too perfect, too beautiful. she moves against you, softly, so softly, as if she’s afraid to hurt you. your arms are glued to your body and hers are too. almost as if you were scared to break the spell if you touched each other. the kiss is gentle, sweet, but it sends a shock through your body. you’ve never felt like that. kissing was simply not that interesting to you, but now you understand why people in romantic movies do it so often. natasha’s kiss is healing every broken bone inside your body, it’s like a cure, fixing, mending. but unfortunately, it ends all too soon. when she pulls away you let out a soft whine and she chuckles, almost making fun of you. you lay your forehead on hers and you both breathe in deeply. then, you open your eyes to find that she’s already looking at you.

“so, does this mean you love me too?”

“oh no, that was a platonic kiss.”

“natasha!” you whine and she shuts you up by placing another kiss on your lips.

“of course i love you detka. i’ve loved you for so long.”

“i wasn’t even sure if you liked girls.” you tell her as you lift your hand and caress her face.

“i wasn’t either but then…”

“then…” you raise your eyebrows.

“this beautiful girl showed up in my life and i couldn’t help but fall in love with her.” your heart takes a leap and you have to bite your lip to stop yourself from grinning like a maniac.

“what an amazing girl.” you tell her.

“the best.”

“i love you.” you kiss her again. “i’m so happy i think i’m gonna vomit rainbows.” natasha lets out a laugh.

“don’t vomit on me or i’m kicking your ass.” you pout at her.

“you wouldn’t.” she looks at you, serious for a moment. then, she breaks into a smile.

“i wouldn’t.” you laugh breathily and purse your lips.

“i can’t believe i started this whole confession by saying i hate men.” the redhead laughs.

“i can’t believe you said that either.”

“hey!” her shoulders shake as she laughs. she looks so angelic when she’s happy. you sigh softly, dreamily. you might hate men, but you sure as hell don’t hate natasha romanoff.

[sheenashifts1217]

Pick A Pile #3

9/19/24

Message From Your DR Self

Take a breath and pick the image you’re drawn to first. Take what resonates, leave what doesn’t. This is a collective reading so some may resonate with this more than others. For a personal reading, check my pined post <3

Pile 1: Beach heart, Pile 2: Lightning Heart, Pile 3: Cloud Heart

Pile 1

Lyrics standing out:

“They say that we’re no good together and it’s never gonna work out

Everything you do is magic

Let em take pictures

Spread it all across the world now

I don’t know what to believe

Everything you do is magic”

Hi beautiful angels of Pile 1. Your DR self wants you to trust yourself more. You are your DR self. Your DR self is your CR self. Are you stressed about shifting? Don’t be because you’ve already shifted. Your DR self is telling you to take shifting and your DR off of such a high pedestal. There is nothing holding you back from your desires except for yourself. Get out of your own way. This I your sign to embrace all that you are and to on your power. You don’t need some outside cosmic force to make you shift. YOU ARE A COSMIC FORCE. Allow your reality to flow, it doesn’t have to be follow any rules. Magic is normal, normalize it to yourself because “everything you do is magic”. Every choice you make is shifting your reality, it’s that simple.

Your DR may include a lot of magic ad your DR self wants you to know that your s/o loves you like breathing.

Signs of confirmation, but not limited to: 444, blue bird, green leaf, dew drop, glass of water, blue, Billie Eillish, older women, dance

Pile 2

Lyrics standing out:

“Haven’t seen my mother in a long, long time

Do you really think I give a damn

I say I live in Rosemead, really, I’m at the Ramada

So many other things you can’t believe

Puts the shower on while he calls me

Your mom called, I told her you’re fucking up big time”

Hi beauties, Pile 2! Your DR self is telling you that you are having the time of your life. You may be a person who shifts pretty frequently, but to different DRs, or you may have a lot of DRs, but struggle to focus on one. Your ability to go with the flow is rewarding you greatly. If you’re shifting for an s/o, your relationship couldn’t be better. Marriage is in the near future for a few of you. Basically, your DR self is saying to sit back and enjoy the ride. Everything is going your way because you’re allowing it. Keep doing whatever you’re doing because it’s working. You’re on a path of healing and your inner child is shining. You are finally learning to give up on the thought of needing external validation and people pleasing. Keep it up because your hard work is paying off!

Signs of confirmation, but not limited to: “J”, red, crayon, curve, back road, country, serve, slay, boots, 24, 2, Taylor Swift, Willow, 90’s

Pile 3

Lyrics standing out:

“Now he’s just a shadow

My boy loves his friends like I love my split ends

My boy don’t love me like he promised

He ain’t a man, he sure as hell ain’t honest

Who are you?

He said he’d change

You want me to be yours, then you’ve got to be mine”

Hello lovely Pile 3! Why are you still doing things and allowing things in your life that don’t serve you? I know that was harsh right off the bat, but seriously, why? You know what you need and you know what hurts you. You’ve become comfortable in your cycle instead of actually speaking growth. Your DR self is telling you to stand the fuck up because you could be doing literally anything else, yet you’re self destructing. A lot of you began shifting to heal your inner child, but you began to use it to sulk and self destruct. Your DR self is you RN. You are in your CR because it is where you are desiring to be. Change your mindset to be in your “DR”, because right now, you’re making your CR be you DR by choosing to remain in the loop and keeping the same mentality. You always say you’re gonna change but don’t follow through. Actually do it, you won’t regret it. Your DR self says that things are great in your DR right now and they’re tired of you complaining about not being there when you’re not even actually intending to be there. A lot of things will lighten up once you face your shadow self and actually take that leap of faith.

Signs of confirmation, but not limited to: purple, cream, sparkles, glitter, candy, green, jeans, eagles, pen, fun, 888, 9, 23, trees, flowers

[rainbowdaisy13]

TTPD The Anthology Summary Part 1 *IMO*

This is viewed through a queer lens because I believe she is fucking done playing nice so now she’s throwing it in our faces—FUCKING SEE ME

1) Fortnight—

I was supposed to be sent away but they forgot to come and get me/I was a functioning alcoholic till nobody noticed my new aesthetic

*MIGHTY GOD we start right out the gate sad as hell—no one noticed her queer flagging both quiet and loud and that pushed her from being a functioning alcoholic to a not functioning one. She then says to the fans who refused to acknowledge her truth “I hope that you’re ok but you’re the reason” FOR ME BEING INSANE

*Mentioning wanting to kill people that’s a first and I love it

*I love you it’s ruining my life OUCH 🤕 yes that sounds like something straight people deal with 😑

2) TTPD-

*I’m sorry I can’t remember what mutual said this, but I love love this as coming from Karlie’s perspective. It absolutely fits. She ground Taylor in a way no one else can

*First mention of suicide—both can’t live without the other

*Were crazy—owning the demons together

*The wedding ring line—GOD

3) MBOBHFT—

*I see this one as Taylor viewing herself as a commodity, also as someone who is broken and needs to be fixed so that she remains lovable. It also gives me Cardigan vibes without the redemption arc

4) Down Bad—

*Love this Alien Abduction theme. Melody is even spacey sounding. The entire song uses alien motifs and I adore it. Fave line “they’ll say I’m nuts if I talk about the existence of you” Brilliant 👽 Also the concept of an Out of this World Love

5) So Long London—

*Cool opening—beautiful when they layer her own voice

How much sad did you think I had in me? 😫

*I see this song as a My Tears Ricochet 2. Taylor giving all her youth to someone for free. You say I abandon the ship but I was going down with it—I truly believe she tried and begged them to let her come out for years and she was always shot down—2 graves 1 gun, more murder imagery

*So Long London, so long Big Machine

6) BDILH—

Absolutely beautiful and heartbreaking song

These people only raise you to cage you 😫

*Sarahs and Hannahs/braided hair/church/Elders making decisions—giving cult/LDS vibes

Stay away from her -Elders are yelling this—to who? Taylor? So Taylor needs to stay away from HER interesting

*Shed rather burn it all down than listen to them complain about her sexuality and how it impacts them

My good name, it’s mine alone to disgrace —absolutely shots fired at Scott Swift

*Soliloquies line is incredible—“I’ll never see” is such a burn 😆

*This isn’t a phase, this is who she is!!

*YOU AINT GOTTA PRAY FOR ME!! GET THEM ALL BITCH—SHOW THEIR ASSES

*This is my choice!!

GET 👏🏼 THEM 👏🏼 ALL

NO YOU CANT COME TO THE WEDDING PERIOD

7) FOTS—

*Pretty Baby, much like Babydoll is reserved for women and gay men and theys and thems. We don’t call straight men this 😒

*Fresh out the slammer—realllly trying to get these idiots to understand that she’s felt jailed /caged/trapped

My friends…Watch me daily disappearing 😫 fuck

Wearing Imaginary rings 😫😫😫 Says hello to paper rings says hello to imaginary lockets

*It’s gonna be alright she did her time!! 🥹

8) FLORIDA!!!—

I adore this song—my second fave on the album and absolute fucking banger. So glad Florence agreed to this they makes an amazing duo vocally—main vibes—Florida is the place Taylor wants to go to fucking escape the mess she lives in day to day. Anything goes, everyone is there hiding from something—the law, family, winter—nothing is too weird or unaccepted—and a certain someone has a house there 😎

My friends all smell like weed or little babies 😆

Florence’s verse is chefs kiss—Earl had to die vibes, watching bodies sink into the swamp, just full on misandry I LOVE IT—is that a bad thing to say in a song?? 😆 GET THEM ALL

Also I bet this song made Swifties uncomfortable 😆

FUCK ME UP FLORIDA 🤘🏼🤘🏿🤘🏾

9) Guilty as sin?

The Gay Longing/Gay Sex Song

*Another* suicide reference—but she’s just joking right swifities?

👀

No no that’s fine she just described an orgasm and if she’s not touching the person, let’s assume the pic below ⬇️ is like HEY THIS IS THE SEX IM SPEAKING ABOUT—it’s very much giving The Man pose for getting dome👀

And then the Jesus reference is just chefs kiss—gay sex is seen as sin and unholy by idiots and she said ok then bitch, what if I tell you the sex is so good we ARE what’s holy??

👀

She literally said messy top lip kiss and got away with it like 😆😆😆😆😆😆😆

10) WAOLOM—

I just……this may be my favorite song of hers ever. It’s absolutely incredible in its intensity, rawness, and truth as well as being a banger

Every lyric screams her pain

My bare hands paved their path/you don’t get to tell me about sad/ If you wanted me dead you should’ve just said

I leap from the gallows and I levitate down your street —Witch Imagery again!!

WHOSE AFRAID OF LITTLE OLD ME

👹YOU SHOULD BE 👹

Shots fired again at Scott Swift!! Let’s hear one more joke—they mocked her pain because they truly thought they could convince her she wasn’t gay 🫥

GODDDD 😫

Put narcotics into all of my songs—“a drug or other substance that affects mood or behavior and is consumed for nonmedical purposes, especially one sold illegally—a drug that relieves pain and induces drowsiness, stupor, or insensibility”

SHE SAID I HAVE TO USE MALE PRONOUNS AND FAKE REFERENCES TO MEN IN MY LYRICS SO YOU IDIOTS STAY STUPID AND HAPPY

and that’s why you’re still singing along 😎

Just WOW

Brilliant and Heartbreaking and RAW

🤍🤍🤍 We love you Girl 🤍🤍🤍

[purfectstormzz]

Begin again | Carlos Sainz Jr x reader

Summary: in which y/n and Carlos want each other back

Pairing: Carlos Sainz Jr x fem!Leclerc!reader

Warnings: swear words. Angry Charles

This one is extremely badly written I’m sorry. Lots of spelling mistakes but English isn’t my first language so ignore that…

A/n: I absolutely love writing this series. Thank you all for the support on the previous parts :)

Masterlist

Part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part5 (this fic)

Y/n woke up the morning after the fight in a cold and lonely bed. She turned herself around resting her head on the side where Carlos was supposed to be.

She got herself out of bed and into the shower before putting on fresh clothes and heading to the paddock.

Y/n arrived making her way to the Mercedes garage trying to avoid the Ferrari garage.

The strategists went over the strategies for todays race but y/n wasn’t listening she could only think about Carlos.

Y/n sat in her drivers room preparing herself for the race. A knock was heard on her door before the door opened revealing Lando. “Hi.” The Brit said. “Hi Lando.” Y/n answered giving the man a smile. “I need to talk you about something.” Lando began. “Carlos came to my house after the fight you guys had.” He told the girl. Y/n looked up at Lando. “What did he tell you?” Y/n asked her friend. “Just that he screwed up and that he lost you.” The Brit told her. “Look I don’t know what happened between you two I just know that you two need to fix this before it’s too late.” He said. Before y/n could answer something Lando started to talk again. “You two are made for each other. Please don’t throw that away because of Charles.” Lando told her. “I actually want to tell Charles.” Y/n confessed. “But I just don’t want their friendship to go away because of me.” She said tears forming in her eyes. “Why do you think their friendship is going to go away?” Lando asked before walking over to y/n kneeling down in front of her taking her hands into his own to comfort her. “Charles wants to see you happy and Carlos makes you happy.” Y/n looked down at Lando who was still kneeling in front of her. “Thank you Lan.” Y/n smiled. “I’ll go talk to him.” Y/n said standing up from her seat walking out of the garage with Lando following behind her.

Y/n made her way to the Ferrari garage getting greeted by her brother. “Hello petite soeur.” Charles said. “Hi.” Y/n answered. “What are you doing here? Stealing our strategies?” Charles joked. “It’s not like they’re going to be good.” Y/n joked back. “I’m actually here to see Carlos.” Y/n confessed ignoring the glance Charles gave her. “Carlos hasn’t arrived yet.” Charles answered. “Why do you even need to see him?” Charles asked curiously. “I just need to talk to him about something. Nothing important.” Y/n lied. Charles looked at his sister a weird frown plastered on his face. The pair looked at each other before they were interrupted by the garage door opening. Carlos walked in looking up at the Leclerc siblings his eyes meeting y/n’s. “Well he’s here now.” Charles muttered. Carlos walked away to his driver room. “Carlos wait.” Y/n said. The Spaniard turned around looking at the younger Leclerc standing in front of him. Charles still standing behind them. “I want them to know.” Y/n began. “I don’t care about his opinion.” Y/n said pointing at her brother. “ I just want to be with you.” She confessed looking into the Spaniard’s beautiful eyes. “Why couldn’t you have said that yesterday y/n?” Carlos asked her. Y/n walked closer to him. “I don’t know. But what I do know is that I want you and just you.” Y/n confessed forgetting that her brother was still standing behind them. Carlos smiled at her walking closer to her before giving her a kiss on her lips.

“Can anyone please tell me what the fuck is going!” Charles snapped anger laced in his voice. “YOU’RE FUCKING MY SISTER.” Charles screamed walking closer to Carlos. Carlos and y/n shared a look before Carlos spoke “Mate we were going to tell you.” “I don’t care that you were going to tell me! Carlos stay the fuck away from my sister!” Charles snapped at his teammate. “Charles please.” Y/n begged seeing her brother walk over to her boyfriend fists clenched. “HOW LONG HAVE YOU TWO BEEN SNEAKING AROUND?” Charles yelled at his sister. “A year.” Y/n confessed looking at the floor. “a year?” Charles asked in disbelief. “A FUCKING YEAR.” He screamed before raising his fist.

It all happened so fast. Charles’s fist colliding with Carlos’s jaw. Carlos holding onto his jaw trying to keep himself steady. Y/n walked over to them pushing her brother away from her boyfriend. “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU CHARLES!” Y/n yelled at her brother. “THIS RELATIONSHIP HAS TO END DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME!” Charles yelled back at his twin sister. “Charles I’m old enough too choose who I date!” Y/n snapped. “You know what? Screw the both of you!” Charles snapped back before walking out of the garage.

Y/n walked over to her boyfriend holding his head in her hands. “Now I get why you didn’t want to tell him.” Carlos joked giving y/n a cheeky smile. “I’m so sorry Carlos.” Y/n said. “You have nothing to be sorry for hermosa. I should be the one to say sorry I was a complete asshole.” Carlos answered. Y/n pulled him close giving him a soft kiss on his lips. Carlos deepened the kiss by pulling her closer to him. When they both pulled away y/n asked him. “What are we going to do now?” “We will talk to him after the race.” Carlos answered.

The race went great. At least for y/n. Max ended up first. Y/n finished second and Charles and Carlos fought for third place until they crashed against each other which led to Lando taking the third place.

Y/n ran to the Ferrari garage after going on the podium. When she walked in she saw the two Ferrari boys in yet another fight. Luckily it wasn’t a fist fight this time. The pair were yelling at each other, Charles blamed Carlos while Carlos blamed Charles. The both of them hadn’t even noticed that y/n had walked in.

“Charles. Carlos.” Y/n said. The Ferrari drivers turned their heads towards the younger Leclerc. “What are you doing here?” Charles asked looking at his sister with an annoyed look on his face. “We need to discuss this Charles.” Y/n answered giving him a glare. “There is nothing to discuss. You two need to end this relationship.” Charles stated pointing at the Spaniard and his sister. “Charles please. I know that you hate me for this but please I promise you I won’t hurt her.” Carlos begged his younger teammate. “I love her Charles. I’ve never felt this way for anyone else.” He said looking at the girl that was standing next to him. “Carlos I don’t give a shit about the fact that you love her! How would you feel if I fucked your sister?” Charles snapped at his teammate. Carlos looked at Charles before answering. “I would be mad at first. But I would also be happy for you.” “Charles I love your sister. I’ve never felt this way for anyone and I promise you that I won’t hurt her.” The Spaniard said. “I swear to god Carlos if you dare to break her heart I will break every bone in your body and I will make sure that you will never be able to drive a car again! Understood?” Charles spoke still angry about the whole situation. “I understand Charles. Thank you mate.” Y/n turned to look at her brother before walking over to him and giving him a hug. “Thank you Charles.” The girl said to her brother. “Promise me one thing. Promise me that I’m never going to catch you two making out or doing something more here in the garage.” Charles said pointing between the couple that was standing in front of him. “We promise Charles.” Carlos answered smiling at his teammate.

Y/n and Carlos made their way to their shared apartment walking hand in hand. “Y/n?” Carlos asked. “Yes baby.” The girl answered. “I’m sorry about yesterday. I was a total dickhead.” The Spaniard said rubbing his thumb over her hand. “Carlos you weren’t a dickhead. And I should say sorry too.” Y/n told her boyfriend. “I love you y/n Leclerc.” Carlos said to the girl. “I love you too Carlos Sainz.” Y/n answered smiling at the Spaniard.

The pair walked to their apartment talking about today’s race. They were more than happy..

[jinkookspencil]

Helloooo how are you????? Could I plz request for a jungkook drabble where he and his gf spend an evening at a funfair...so stuff like them going on scary rollercoasters together...feeding each other typical funfair snacks...and ending their day on the ferris wheel with kisses (cliche i know hahaha)... also I saw how you wrote that you have been feeling down recently...Wish you better days :))))

hi!! tysm for requesting! this is adorable and unintentionally reminded me of the speak now taylor swift album, i listened to it as i was editing <3 and thank you for your words/wishes/concern - my mental health has been…. rocky but at the very least, I’m in a better place mentally than i was when you submitted this. and it took a whiiiiiiiiiile to feel better so it took a while to do anything and write this (sorry) - but better late than never! i hope you like it!! <3 

wonderstruck | jjk

jungkook convinced his fearful girlfriend to try out a rollercoaster at the funfair...

tags + wc: jungkook x reader (f) / fluff / one-shot / established relationship / clean / ~1.5k

“If I do this, you owe me a churro,” you say, looking up at the rickety death trap looming over you.

“Done,” Jungkook smiles, kissing you on the cheek. He forcefully pulls your hand from your own grasp until he’s able to hold it, giving you reassuring squeezes and pep talks throughout your short wait in the line to the rollercoaster cart. With your hand still in his, he pulls you to the very first cart.

“Oh fuck no,” you protest, trying to pull him away to another cart, but failing. He barely moves an inch.

“Baby, baby,” he giggles, succeeding when he pulls you closer to him. “The front is less scary!”

“Don’t lie to me!”

“Ask him!” Jungkook points to the attendant, who merely nods in response, hiding his annoyance that your resistance held up the visitors loading onto the ride. 

Reluctantly sitting on the cold piece of metal, Jungkook could see the terror in your eyes as reality sets in when the safety bar is pulled down against your bodies. 

“You good?” he peeks, trying to read your face and think of any possible way he could calm you down. Jokes, a kiss, ill-timed dirty whispers, and flashing his abs always did the trick - but none seemed appropriate or doable then and there. If all else fails, he hoped his smile could do something.

“If we die…. we die together. There’s something beautiful in that…. right?”

Jungkook smiles when your eyes finally land on him, and he sees most of your fear fade away, replaced by what he could only assume was love, if not comfort. Either way, it meant the same. Whether his smile was what did it or not, his happiness only grew.

 “There is. Pretty dark, baby, but… there is. I mean, I do want to spend the rest of my life with you.” 

The smile on your face was too brief. The cart is jolted onto its tracks, and Jungkook is deafened and delighted by the sound of your screams and calls of his name, which last all the way through the track until the cart comes to a complete stop once again. 

Peeking at you at once, he tries to conceal his amusement, yet it shines through along with his concern. “Are you okay, baby?” he asks with raised brows, a hint of a smile, and wide eyes as you catch your breath.

“….I think I can do that again,” you murmur. 

Laughing, he throws his head back against the headrest. “I knew you’d love it. Let’s go to another one, the scarier ones. I’m not letting you settle on this one.”

“Deal, Jeon Jungkook,” you say. The metal bar whizzes away from you and Jungkook hops out of the cart just as fast, holding his hand out for you to hold as you jump out after him. “But only if you hold my hand like this whenever you can, alright?”

“You don’t even have to ask.”

Jungkook kisses your hand before you can take another step, holding you tight as you whizz and weave through the crowds. 

“Wait, Jungkook! About that churro….”

+

“It all seems like toys from up here. Not scary at all, actually.” 

Looking over the funfair far below you, each ride, stall, and booth was now lit up in an array of neon colors and flashes. Distant screams and carousel melodies are faint from so high above, people seeming small as ants, pixels on a computer, or, he guessed, miniature toys as you described it. 

“I knew you had it in you,” Jungkook giggles, kissing your cheek and pulling you tight against his chest, not caring that it was practically impossible for you to be any closer. Already caged into his body, you rub your head in the crook of his neck, taking off your matching animal headbands to better fit against him. His other hand only leaves your thigh a couple of times to grab the occasional handfuls from the popcorn bucket resting on your lap. “There’s nothing you can’t do, honey.”

“I think that statement applies to you, Koo,” you giggle, gesturing towards the third-wheel accompanying you on your compact Ferris wheel seat: the giant plushie he’d won you at a game booth. “I nearly took the guy’s eye out trying to win it. And you beat me at the duck shooting game and that stupid guessing game.”

“Well, first of all, you won this,” he begins, showing you the cheap plastic watch on his hand, “- at the ring toss, which is notoriously difficult. Don’t sell yourself short. And you could easily win the guessing game, too, you know? It’s just physics! It’s not so hard to guess how much candy was in the jar!” Jungkook ignores you rolling your eyes.  I’ll give you the others, though. Darts is a skill I mastered in the dorms…. and I was going to let you win the shooting game but I won before I even realized I was in the lead. I guess I just have a good eye.”

“Well, obviously. If you didn’t have a good eye, you wouldn’t be with me, now would you?”

Jungkook chuckled heartily at your comment, and considering the way you moved your back and snuggled in position, he was sure you’d felt the laugh escape him through his chest against your back. He couldn’t help it - he loved seeing you all confident. “Well, obviously. It’s the perfect set of eyes, actually - it has a secret power, too. Want to know what it is?”

“If you see the future, then you probably missed a very cool job opportunity of opening up a booth here.”

“Make that two secret powers, actually. One for each eye!” Jungkook is too excited at his sudden idea, sitting up to face you directly and make sure you were following along and listening to every word. “This eye,” he begins, pointing to his right one. “This eye acts as a compass. It led me to my soulmate. That day we met, I noticed you the moment you walked into the room. I know it’s a compass pointing to my soulmate since I’ve been unable, and unwanting, to take my eyes off you ever since.”

You roll your eyes in an attempt to tease Jungkook’s cheesy words, but you know his words to be true - it was always hard to ignore both his gaze and the rush you’d feel whenever you feel his eyes on you, always lingering for far too long. 

“You were right about the other eye. The left eye sees the future. My future.”

“And what do you see in your future, O’ Mystical Jungkook?” you tease, widening your eyes and waving your fingers.

“I see you.”

Jungkook’s tone is serious, yet it doesn’t stop a shy smile from appearing on his face when he sees the same on yours. 

“Exactly where I should be,” you reply. “A mysterious, traveling fortune teller I’d met as a child told me that I’d fall in love and spend the rest of my life with another clairvoyant.”

“Then I guess I’m in the right place, too,” he smirks, wiggling his eyebrows. 

Before you could nod in response, his lips are on yours, and his arms pull you close to him once again. You don’t pull away from one another until a loud boom sounds out from behind you, alerting the two of you to the sudden visual of colored sparks lighting up the brighter night sky. Jungkook always loved fireworks. Every time, the sight of a colorful sky was always so enchanting… but was even more so was the love of his love right beside him. Captivated, he takes in every wonderstruck expression on your face, every burst reflected in your eyes, and every second. Yet he held himself there, resisting the urge to spill out his heart and kiss what enchanted him most, to take in the scene a moment longer. It was practically a scene from a movie or a fairy tale ending, too picture-perfect to forget. Jungkook could wait patiently to do what he wanted to - certain he’d have the rest of his life to do so…. yet no ride that day gave him the same burst of adrenaline as the second you pulled him by his collar and kissed him soft and slow with the same certainty of an eternity together. 

[myrandom-fandomlife]

Okay I decided I’m just gonna post my cooliver fic as is and if you want more i’ll attempt to provide so ummm here’s my cooliver fic loosely based on wish you were sober by conan gray but title is from illicit affairs by taylor swift because it was supposed to be more than this

Warnings: underage drinking, cursing, making out (???), angst

for you i would ruin myself (a million little times)

They’re at a party they shouldn’t be at, drinking just a little too much, and dancing with girls that look like they came out of a victoria secret advertisement. They’re living every seventeen year old boy’s dream, so why can’t they stop looking at each other?

Oliver knew he was fucked the moment Cooper suggested they sneak out to attend some rich douchebag’s party who lived within walking distance of the Otto home. It goes the same way every time. They sneak out of their basement apartment together (which is shockingly easier than he expected), get drunk, and something happens.

That’s how he finds himself with a sweaty girl rubbing all over him while he’s making blazing eye contact with Cooper across the room. It’s the kind of look that means something more, sparking heat and making his gut twist. It’s the kind of look that should not be shared between two best friends while they’re drunk and dancing with women.

Cooper quirks a brow almost imperceptibly, but Oliver knows what it means: “Cut the bullshit– let’s bounce.”

Oliver gives a small nod and dismisses the girl in front of him with a brief whisper, starting toward where Cooper is already waiting for him at the door. It’s clear to him already that Cooper is much more intoxicated than he is. His cheeks are flushed, his hair is curling and sticking to his forehead with sweat, and his eyes are shining in a silent plea to hurry so they can get home. Oliver thinks he’s never seen anyone more beautiful in his life.

Oliver has an arm around Cooper’s waist, supporting him as he stumbles along. Oliver is more of a lightweight, but Cooper likes this. He likes not drinking so much that he forgets everything, but just enough that he can lean his head on Oliver’s shoulder without overthinking too much. He likes the way it makes him feel weightless, but there’s something a little sultry about him when he’s just the right amount of tipsy.

When the two boys arrive at the front door to the Otto’s house, Oliver gives Cooper his usual spiel on sneaking in quietly. He places both his hands on Cooper’s shoulders, forcing him to make eye contact, “Keep quiet until we are in the basement, okay? No stumbling, talking, giggling, anything that could wake mom.”

“I’m not that drunk, mi amor, I know the drill,” Cooper says lowly, and Oliver’s cheeks flush at the nickname.

Cooper smirks and Oliver rolls his eyes with a huff, “Really?”

“Really,” Cooper says faintly, because he’s leaning in and closing the distance between them before Oliver has the chance to react. When he does react, he’s kissing back enthusiastically, tongue poking out slightly to brush against Cooper’s lips.

This happens often now, when one or both of them are drunk. They make out sloppily, get themselves worked up, stop before it can do further, and then go to bed like nothing happened. They wake up the next day and don’t talk about it.

Cooper starts trailing kisses down the other boy’s jaw, causing Oliver to snap out of the haze he can never avoid when it comes to Cooper.

“Let’s take this inside, yeah?” He says softly, taking Cooper’s hand and leading him quietly into the home they now share.

When the door to the basement is shut, Cooper pushes Oliver into it, attacking his mouth once again. Oliver lets out a small noise of shock before melting into the kiss.

Cooper sighs into his mouth, “Missed this,” and then he starts kissing across his jaw again. Oliver’s head falls back at his words, and Cooper takes advantage of the access to his neck.

“No-” he pants, “No marks, Cooper.”

Cooper groans, “Love when you say my name.”

“Cooper,” he makes another noise at that, “Lets go to the bed.”

By the time they’ve stumbled over, their shirts are off and Cooper is on top of Oliver. He’s peppering kisses down Oliver’s chest and Oliver is trying very hard not to enjoy it so much. Cooper gets to his waistband and tries to tug it down, but is stopped by the other boy.

“Coop, we’re not doing this when you’re drunk.”

“I told you, I’m not that drunk.”

“This doesn’t happen when you’re sober,” Oliver snaps, immediately regretting his words.

Cooper recoils slightly, but doesn’t disagree. Instead, he rolls off of Oliver and on to his pillow.

Oliver starts to get up and go to his own bed but he’s stopped by a hand on his wrist, “Stay with me, Ollie, please?” Cooper says it in a small voice like he knows he’s asking for something he shouldn’t. He also knows that Oliver can’t say no to him.

Oliver stays.

[thecynthh]

confide - M.S

summery - y/n escapes to the balcony of you and matt’s room while a whole party is still buzzing under you, he finds you and lets you know that he still loves you no matter what

notes - MORE FLUFF, guys we needed more fluff, i can make a part 2 with smut in it if u whores like this one 🫶

a/n - this is me putting off smart ass 🤗

——————————————————————————

——————————————————————————

trying to escape the madness of the party happening underneath me i choose to sit on the outdoor couch on the very high balcony i sit at. i started the mini fire pit in front of me as all the supplies for it was just in a box near the door. 

the blanket that embraces me is fluffy and soft, as much as i love matt i couldn’t breath in that horrible blanket of tension his mother threw onto me. i was drilled with questions by her knowing the reason for the excessive amount. matt went through a rough break up before me, and i can’t blame her for wanting to make sure her son doesn’t go through something like that again. 

the fire crackles and pops while i just enjoy the city lights and soft jazz that plays on the upper level of the penthouse, i lay my head down on the other seat cozying up on the bamboo woven couch, the thick padding cradle me as i feel myself being lulled to sleep. 

not long after i fall asleep im woken up by the sound of the sliding door behind me, a shadowy figure walks to the side of the couch, it was matt. 

“hi sweetheart, did you get tired?” matt says, folding over to get closer to my face, the glow of the fireplace reflects every chiselled feature in his face.  i give him a soft nod while he peels his suit jacket off resting it on the chair that is also stationed towards the fire.

“hey move your head up,” i do as i’m told and he slides into the seat on the couch my head was recently covering up, he lays my head back onto his muscular thigh letting me use him as a pillow. 

“im sorry, i was so overwhelmed by your mom,” i say shameful of when i tripped over my words and made a fool of myself. 

“yeah, nick told me about it, he already told her to calm down on the questions, he also led me here to you and i don't think my mom is the only factor of you coming up here.” he says, dipping his head down to kiss my forehead. his fingers push my hair away from my face as i turn to look up at him. 

“i don’t know matt, i feel weird. i don’t belong in this sparkly dress or these high class parties. i’m so new to all of it, and don’t get me wrong, i love all of this and you so much to keep pushing through but if i’m being honest it’s really hard for me to be down there.” i hope matt understood what i meant by all of that because it really felt good to get off my chest. 

“i get it, we grew up differently, but that doesn’t change anything between us. i dont care if you were dirty and homeless on the street as long as i knew who you were i would have picked you up, housed you and loved you forever. and i'm willing to do that right now too. i don’t care if my family is worried about me, because i know that i'm alright now. you healed me.” he cupped my cheek making sure my eyes were still connected to his while he assured me of his intentions and beliefs. 

“i know i’m not what your mom envisioned who you would be with, so thank you for all of this. from the dress to the heels and your sweet words, thank you for sharing your beautiful life with me.” i sit up and begin to straddle matt, my red dress pools around us while i take matt in for a large hug. he returns it pushing my head into his neck letting me become way more calm then i was when i came up here. 

i look back up to him with a tear escaping from my perfectly done eye make up. “don’t cry please, it breaks my fucking heart when you cry.” he kisses the tear before it can run fully down my face fully. “how about we go to bed, i’ll get you all cleaned up and all i have to do is tell nick and chris that i’m not feeling well and we can cuddle all night, sounds good?” i eagerly nod, giving an enthusiastic yes. 

he wraps my straddled legs around his torso and carries me inside, keeping me bundled up in my blanket as I'm moved to the bed, before promptly putting out the fire i started. he retreats back to me bringing one of my silk black cami tops to change into while he goes to my large vanity and brings back a soaked cotton pad to use to clean my face of running mascara and concealer. 

he gently rubs and wipes across my face seeing him extremely focused on the task in front of him. he tosses the stained pad and he lets me crawl into bed. “okay i’ll be back im just going to find chris or nick to update them, i won’t be long.” he lingers at the door handle while telling me his exact actions while he heads out the door.

i check my phone for messages and notifications while before he comes back to our room, he strips off his button up abandoning it in the hamper that crowds a corner of the room. his dress pants hang low on his hips as they fall slightly while he pulls his belt through the multitude of loops on his pants. 

he’s now just left in his plaid print boxers as he slips under the charcoal grey duvet and snakes his arms around me pulling me in, embracing me just like he said he would. his chest is flush with my back and his legs entangle with mine. he’s warm and still smells like the intoxicating cologne he adores. i take a deep breath in being very content in where my life ended up and how i’m now engaged with my fiance and now letting the rest of his family know at a party. life is great when you find your person.

taglist - @westwiing13 @comet235 @mayhem73

[samuelsdean]

You'll Always Have Me

pairing: javier peña x reader

summary: something about peña unsettles you. he has embedded into you so deeply that even though you keep saying his business isn’t your business, you end up following him. wherever he strays, you follow.

genre: fluff (& angst if you squint real hard)

word count: 1.3k

author's notes: hello! this is my first time writing for somebody else aside from spencer reid so i'm pretty excited about it. also, there's a taylor swift reference which i couldn’t help but add lol. anyway, i hope you'll love reading this!

YOU'D LIKE TO THINK YOU WERE IMMUNE FROM WORRYING OVER YOUR PERPETUALLY DEVIL-MAY-CARE PARTNER, JAVIER PEÑA. But, despite the countless bickering and borderline immature back-and-forth pranks between the two of you, you do care about the man, as much as you hate to admit it.

Unfortunately for you, Murphy, your other partner, knows that fact even though you've never said anything regarding the issue. It was as if being in a happy marriage gave the man a sixth sense or something. He knew that despite the disagreements, a part of you felt for Javier.

And so when Peña was rushing to get his leather jacket on and placing his gun in its holster, claiming another informant had vital information regarding the cartel, Murphy was quick to shoot you a look. The look saying, "Are you gonna let that impulsive dumbass meet with a sketchy informant alone?"

You groaned inwardly. You hate Murphy and his sixth sense. You decided right then and there, that you'd give him a piece of your mind once you're done making sure Javier wasn't endangering himself.

You headed to the parking area as soon as you could, knowing Javier he'd be off to God knows where in a minute. It seemed to be your lucky day because Javier hadn't left the area yet, preoccupied with a call, you deduced. Meticulously, you tiptoed toward the passenger side opened the door as gently as you could, and buckled the seatbelt before Javier finished whatever call he was on.

"Jesus, fuck!" Javier exclaimed. "What the fuck are you doing here? Get out!"

You merely raised one perfectly made brow at the man. "For a DEA agent, you scare real easy, Peña," You mocked. "You sure this is the right job for you?"

At this, Javier rolled his eyes and sighed. "I don't have time for your bullshit, Cariño," He emphasized the endearment, knowing you hated it especially when it came out of his mouth. "I have an informant waiting for me. Now, get out."

"No."

"What?" Javier scowled. "What do you mean no? Get out! I don't have time for this."

"No, I'm not getting out," You matched the scowl adorning his face. "I'm coming with, and besides, knowing you? You're probably meeting with an informant." You stressed the last word.

You hate using that card because it wasn't like it was any of your business whom Javier was sleeping with. It wasn't but you can't help it. It's not like it should matter to you even if Javier was taking an informant to bed. Because despite his reputation, Peña gets the job done. You need to get the upper hand if you want Javier to take you with him.

“Fine,” He conceded, tired of arguing with you. “And for your information, I wasn’t meeting Gabriela. If I ever did meet with someone I slept with, it wouldn’t be during office hours. I’m not that depraved.”

You merely scoffed, blatantly ignoring the small twitch you felt deep inside hearing another woman’s name come out of his mouth. You don’t care. You never did.

Javier buckled in and started backing out of his parking spot, one hand placed behind your headrest. You glanced at the man beside you who was focused on his task. You get why women would flock over Javier. He was attractive. He had dark locks that slightly curl at the ends, a crooked nose that shouldn’t look as pretty as it does but it makes sense on his face, full, pink lips, and golden skin. Calling him beautiful would be selling him short. Javier Peña was beautiful, so to speak. Distracted by the thoughts of your partner’s pretty face, you didn’t notice he was now driving on the street, looking concerned at you spaced out.

“If you keep looking at me like that, sweetheart,” Javier broke the silence. “I’d start thinking you’re in love with me or something.” The man chuckled at his quip to which you responded with an eye roll.

“I’d rather shoot myself in the leg than be in love with you, Peña.” You uttered sarcastically while Javier only chuckled. “I honestly don’t understand why women fall at your feet. You’re average.”

This seemed to offend Peña who raised one brow. “Right. Keep telling yourself that, laughed. “Anyway, it’s usually Murphy who’s up my ass bothering me. Why are you here?”

“Technically, I’m also your partner,” You replied. “I can accompany you whenever I want.”

Javier frowned, unconvinced by your proclamation. It was true what he said though. Despite being partners with him, you made it your job to avoid him at all costs unless necessary. He was a magnet for trouble and you were a stickler for rules—or that’s what you’d like to think. Going after narcoterrorists have pushed you and everyone else chasing after them to do something you never thought of doing when you first signed up for this job.

But it is what it is.

However, something about Peña unsettles you. For some reason, he gets under your skin as no one has ever done—no matter what you do, you just can’t shake him off. He has embedded into you so deeply that even though you keep saying his business isn’t your business, you end up following him. Wherever he strays, you follow.

“Okay, fine,” You gave up, kind of.

He won’t know if you’re lying, right? It’s not like he’d go up to your boss and ask her about her “orders”. Right?

“Messina told me to go with you. You keep getting yourself into some shit that you can’t pull yourself out of on your own. Plus, if it was Murphy who came with you, he’d get dragged in. Messina thinks I’m the only one stubborn enough to go against you.”

It was both the truth and a lie. Messina would most definitely say something like that as Javier and Steve were like two peas in a pod. But it was also a lie. You’d go after Javier, you just pretend you wouldn’t.

“Right,” He mumbled.

You stared out the window.

A few minutes later, it seemed you had arrived where Javier was meeting up with this informant. Unbuckling your seatbelt, you were about to step out of the vehicle when Javier held your wrist.

"Stay here," He instructed. "He might get aggressive. I never told him I was bringing someone with me."

"I can take care of myself just fine."

Javier rolled his eyes and sighed. "I know that, but please. Stay here."

"Fine!" You raised your hands in surrender. "But the moment I feel something's wrong, I'm following you. Got it?"

Javier stared at you wordlessly.

"Why'd you always have to be everywhere I am?" He queried. "It's like no matter where I look, you're always there tagging along."

You gulped as Javier raised his brow at you.

"Well, someone's gotta save your ass," You stated, crossing your arms to appear assertive. "You always get into so much trouble. Someone has to save you if something goes wrong."

"And that someone's you?"

"Yeah, that's me," You murmured. "You'll always have me. I-I mean I'll always have your back 'cause we're partners. That's what partners do. I'm your partner."

You looked out the window, avoiding his stare. You were certain Javier was smirking at you now.

"I know that partner," Javier retorted. "You'll always have me too."

You turned to look at him in shock, a pink hue dusting your cheek. Javier simply laughed at your blatant show of bashfulness and flicked your nose.

"You're cute," He chuckled as you gasped, ready to deny what he just said. "But I gotta go. Stay here. I'll call you when I need your help."

He quickly shut the door and ran toward where he was meeting his informant to avoid your scolding.

"Get back here in one piece, Peña!" You screeched at him. "I have so much to yell at you, you prick!"

Javier merely saluted at you mockingly and winked.

The nerve!

[thefrontofmymind]

musician!reader x matty healy ig blurb 3

an: thought i'd give you all a little treat amongst all the chaos. dont think too much about it, its all fun x

part 1 / part 2

glamour Yn talks her new album & upcoming tour in our next issue!

view all comments

ynfan1 obsessed with this shoot

ynfan2 the part of the interview where she talks about how much matty’s inspired her album? I LOVE THEMMMMMM

>ynfan3 MY PARENTS

ynfan4 so excited to see her in charlotte!!!!

yninstagram tour has started. very happy to be back. (and thank you sm Portland!)

view all comments

lucydacus love you baby!

ynfan1 COME TO NEW ZEALAND

ynfan2 saw you tn!! such a good show!!

>yninstagram thank you darling.

yninstagram San Diego. You have my heart.

view all comments

ynfan1 you have mine too yn!

rass1975 cool dude

>yninstagram don’t ‘cool dude’ me ill cool dude you

ynupdates yn tonight in Pheonix: “its great to be back in a sunny place again. I was in Australia not long ago, I even got a bit of a tan [pulls skirt up] see? I’m not translucent anymore!”

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ynfan1 mother serving leg

1975ynfan1 wait she was with the band in australia???? And we didn’t know??

>ynfan2 it makes sense, she went to support matty, and on his birthday as well!

yninstagram break. i have nothing else i promise.

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ynfan1 wait a break from tour or a break from…..something else?

>ynfan2 no because you’re right what does the second sentence mean??

ynfan3 YOU LOOK SO PRETTY

ynfan4 take care of yourself! Get some rest!!!

>ynupdates I’ll try x

ynupdates Met Gala 2023. Thank you Tory Burch for such a beautiful gown.

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ynfan1 so prettyyyyyy!!

ynfan2 omg you liar, you said there was nothing else!

this comment was liked by ynupdates 

1975adam 👍🏻

>ynupdates 👍🏻

>ynfan3 WAIT ADAM COMMENTED MAYBE YN AND MATTY ARENT BROKEN UP THANK FUCK

taylorswifttourupdates Yn came out tonight in Nashville and sang Nothing New with Taylor ❤️

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ynfan1 AAAAHHH YES

swiftie1 I CANT AKJSADKJFSD

swiftie2 omg my favourite song so sad im not there 🥲🥲

ynfan2 awww our little yn!!!

1975updates Matty was seen at Taylor Swift’s show tonight in Nashville! He was with Yn for most of it, apart from when she was on stage to perform with Taylor

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1975fan1 the powers of jack antonoff

1975fan2 so he just flew ACROSS THE WORLD to see his girlfriend perform for the first time in a stadium,,,,thats a malewife right there

ynfan1 awww matty was there to support yn!!

swiftie1 taylor/the 1975 collab WHEN??

[marie-swriting]

Lose This With You - Katherine Pierce

Masterlist

Summary : you're in a relationship with Katherine but she's always starting fights with you even though you could have something beautiful.

Warnings : reader is a vampire, arguing, mention of Katherine's traumas, angst, good ending, consumming alcohol (be careful with your alcohol consumption), maybe some grammatical mistakes as English is not my first language so tell me if you see some or if I missed any warnings.

Word count : 2k

French version

Song inspiration : Afterglow by Taylor Swift

“Oh my God, I’m so sick of arguing with you. I just feel like I’m talking to a brick wall every time.” you exclaim, massaging your temples.

“So you think I’m the only one in the wrong in this situation ?” Katherine retorts dryly.

“I’ve never said that ! I’m sure I’m also wrong as well but it doesn’t mean you can accuse me of things I didn’t do ! Could we, for once, talk about it calmly ? The only thing we do is yell at each other then act as if nothing happened. We never solve the problem.”

“But I’ve been talking since the beginning.”

“No, since the beginning, you’ve been shouting and throwing accusations at my face, it’s different. At least, listen to what I have to say.” you beg, Katherine shakes her head.

“I don’t wanna listen to you.”

“Katherine-” you sigh, though she cuts you off.

“No ! Actually, I don’t want to talk to you anymore. Leave.” she orders, emotionless. 

“Really ? You don’t even want to try to sort this out ?” you ask, exasperated.

“There’s nothing to sort out. I don’t even know why I decided to get with you in the first place. I don’t even care about you.”

As soon as you hear Katherine pronounce these words, your heart tightens in your chest and you look down. Your eyes stings but you don’t let a tear roll down your cheek. You don’t want to show her she’s hurt you, though she doesn’t need to see your face to know it. Your shoulders down are enough. Even if a part of Katherine wants to take back what she just said, her anger is stronger so she keeps talking, twisting the knife in your chest.

“So leave, I don’t want to see you ever again.”

“Very well,” you start after taking a deep breath and looking up to her, “but don’t come back to me crying when you’ll realise you’ve fucked it up.”

“It won’t happen.”

“Perfect, then !”

You keep your gaze on Katherine for a few seconds before leaving your shared apartment. You slam the door and Katherine holds back her tears when she’s confronted by the silence. Your breath is heavy whilst you start crying. You wipe your tears with anger before going to the Salvatores’.

Your friendship with the two brothers is, additionally, often the object of your arguments between you and Katherine, your last altercation is no exception. You were supposed to meet them for a few hours and when she learned about it, Katherine started to scream at you while you were confused about the reasons behind her annoyance. Sure, you know they’re not the best of friends, but the tension between the three of them is not like it used to be. Furthermore, you've been friends with Stefan and Damon longer than you know Katherine. You had met them when they had just been turned into vampires. You had tried to help them thanks to your two hundred years experience as a vampire. Therefore, your friendship with the two men is important for you. As for Katherine, you met her only a few years ago and your relationship is even newer. Notwithstanding, the love you have for Katherine is just as important. For the first time in your long life, you feel like you’ve discovered the real meaning of ‘love’, however your numerous fights are slowly ruining everything. Generally, you never give up that easily when a conflict erupts. You tried giving her space and coming back to her later and even leaving her alone until she’s calmed enough to settle everything, yet there’s nothing to do. As soon as a tough time is behind you, she finds you a new flaw. 

Over time, you got used to the disputes. You’ve already said awful things to each other, you’ve already stayed several days without talking until you make the first step. Yet, you’re more and more tired of this situation and knowing she doesn’t want to see you anymore doesn’t help to save your relationship. The more time goes by, the more you tell yourself it’s destined to fail. You can’t spend forever arguing. It’s not what you want. So you decide to give up. You tried but she doesn’t want to make an effort so what’s the point of trying so hard ?

Once you’re at Stefan and Damon’s, you pour yourself a glass of Bourbon before greeting them. They instantly understand what happened. Damon doesn’t even react when he sees you pouring another glass. He knows his bottle is doomed for the night, this one and the next one he has in stock.

While you explain to them your last fight, Katherine hasn’t moved yet. She’s still in the middle of your living room, overwhelmed by her emotions. This time, she tells herself she probably took things too far. Deep down, she’s aware she’s the reason behind all of your problems in your relationship, even if she refuses to admit it to you. The look on your face when she implied she never cared about you is still engraved in her mind. She hates seeing you in pain and yet, she feels like she’s almost always the cause of it. Well, it’s not just a feeling, she knows she is. And she hates herself for it. Katherine doesn’t understand why she persists to destroy your relationship. You do everything to make it work. You love her, more than you should, according to her, and she loves you. You give your all for her and in return, she only gives you back baseless accusations. 

Katherine lets a small sob leave her lips before breaking down. Just like you, Katherine is tired of this situation. But above all, she doesn’t want to lose you. However, with what she told you and the way you left, she thinks it’s already too late. She keeps crying the whole night, mad at herself for everything she put you through. Katherine wishes to erase what she said, start all over again, however it’s not possible. She knows you guys have the potential to be something beautiful, if she wouldn’t let her fears speak. At first, Katherine is desperate, certain she has destroyed everything, then she tells herself she might have a small chance to fix your relationship if, for the first time in her life, she doesn’t run away. Determined, but scared nonetheless, Katherine leaves your apartment to find you. She doesn’t have to think to know you’re at the mansion. You always go to them after a fight. Katherine only hopes they won’t close the door to her face and you’ll like to listen to her.

You wake up when you feel someone shaking you. When you open your eyes, you see Stefan in front of you. Without a word, he points at something behind him and you notice Katherine on the doorstep, looking at you with an awkward and sorry expression on her face. You sigh loudly before meeting her. You cross your arms on your chest to show your annoyance. 

“May we talk ?” she enquiries with a small voice.

“I don’t know, you told me you didn’t want to do it anymore yesterday.” you retort, drily.

“Please. It’ll only take a few minutes. I really need to talk to you.”

When you see her pleading look, you decide to do it, not without rolling your eyes at your incapacity to go up against her.

“Alright, but not here, I don’t want any prying ears.”

Katherine steps aside to let you walk out of the mansion whilst you close the door behind you. You both walk in the forest nearby. 

On top of being silent, with your stance, we can tell you’re on the defensive, ready to attack if Katherine says something wrong. This doesn’t help Katherine to muster up her courage, but she knows she needs to do it. She needs to talk to you. She’s ruined everything, so she has to be the one to do the right thing.

“I am sorry.” Katherine starts, looking you in the eyes.

“‘Sorry’ doesn’t mean anything if you don’t fix your behaviour.”

“I am deeply sorry. Not only for yesterday, but also for all the other times. You’re right, we never talk. Or more precisely, I never allow us to communicate.”, she admits, surprising you, “Everytime we finish arguing or rather when I finish screaming, I act as if nothing happened, I don’t take responsibility for my mistakes and it’s not the thing to do. Besides, I know I’ve been hurting you since the beginning of our relationship. I’m always searching for every unpleasant vice to use against you, I do everything to push you away and I think this time, I’ve succeeded, but it’s not what I want. I care about you, more than you know. I don’t know why I always have to break what I love so much. I want to stop ruining our relationship, I don’t want to hurt you anymore.”

“It’s all well and good what you’re saying, but how can I be sure those aren’t empty promises ?”

“Yesterday, when you left, I realised I’m destroying our relationship and I want it to stop. It’s just, I’m not used to having a bit of happiness so whenever I do, I’m afraid to lose it. I always lose everything, since the day my daughter was taken away from me and I’m scared you’re going to give up on me or you’ll end up hurting me, so I prefer to attack first. I know it’s not an excuse, I shouldn’t put my fears and my traumas on you, it’s not fair. You deserve that I treat you as well as you do. I don’t want to keep hurting you. I love you and I don’t want to lose this with you.”, Katherine continues as she waves between you two, “If it’s not too late, I’d like to have one last chance to prove to you I can be better. And for that, I need to apologise first. I am sorry that I hurt you. And I am sorry for always avoiding conversations, for giving you the silent treatment when you tried to talk to me, but above all, I am sorry to not allow myself to trust you while you do everything for me. I’m to blame and I’m taking responsibility for all my faults now. If I have already destroyed everything, you can tell me. However, I hope I’m still yours like you’re still mine and I hope you can tell me we’ll be alright, even when I lose my mind and, despite all the times I broke your heart, I’m still all you want. If it’s not the case, I’ll understand. I didn’t do anything to avoid this situation.” she states with teary eyes.

“First of all, I appreciate seeing you come to me and I’m glad you’ve realised a few things. I want to believe you really want to change, but how can I know it’s true ? How can I know, two weeks from now, we won’t be at each other’s throat again like we’ve been doing since the beginning ?” you ask, sceptical, “I don’t want to stay in a relationship where we slowly kill each other.”

“I promise you, from now on, I want to and I will make an effort. I love you too much to see you go.” she says, taking your hands, “Yesterday was enough to make me realise I won’t be able to live without you. Give me one last chance and if I keep blowing things out of proportion, still blame you for things that aren’t true, I’ll let you go. But I believe this love is worth the fight and I want to do it now.”

When you hear her determined tone, you can’t help but admit with this discussion, Katherine just proved to you she’s genuine in her promise. She really wants to make an effort for you, for the both of you. A part of you still fears it’s only a temporary promise yet you want to believe in Katherine, you want to believe she really wants to try with you.

“I can’t deny, you seem sincere. For the first time in our relationship, we’re talking and I’m happy about it. I don’t want to lose this with you either. I’d like to try one last time.” you smile, stroking her cheek.

“You won’t regret it, I promise.”

And you never did.

Masterlist

{This is my side blog so I'll be answering comments under the username @marie-sworld}

[person4924]

new about me

my name is sam !! thats basically all u need to know but theres (a lot) more under the cut!! i also have a strawpage that has some basic info (idrk how it works if im being honest tho)

last updated: august 5

i’m sapphic of some sort and ace

u can use any pronouns but they is usually the best !! (this is my pronouns page)

i’m neurodivergent of some sort (i don’t even know anymore)

a minor (don’t be weird)

my personality type is INFP-T

my theme will change like weekly prob bc i wanna change it with every new huperfxation i have!!

things i like (the things bolder r what i talk about the most)

harry potter (fuck jkr)

marvel

the marauders

boy meets world

it

osemanverse

paper girls

teen wolf

owl house

shameless

glee

stranger things

friends

andi mack

the last of us (i’ve only watched the show tho, but i know most of what happens in the games)

riordanverse

musicals

poetry

reading

cats

animals

fictional characters

music

movies

tv shows

art

writing

women

sitcoms

brooklyn nine nine

new girl

hamilton

grishaverse

stand up comedians

ocean animals (specifically sharks)

community

moths (and just kinda winged bugs in general)

greek mythology

dawsons creek

bojack horseman

halloween

the sky (like stars, the moon, the sunset, etc)

jelly fish

criminal minds

animals

ted lasso

scooby doo (the older movies from the 2000’s ish specifically but all of it too)

everything sucks!

the sun bearer trials

atypical

octonauts

spencer reid

bo burnham

dead boy detectives

will and grace

90’s movies

my fav movies are tick tick boom, my girl, dead poets society, breakfast club, the outsiders, hamilton, stand by me, cmbyn, lady bird, beautiful boy, luca, nimona, (500) days of summer, empire records, etc. i have a lot but this is just the first few i think of

musicals i like are hamilton, tick tick boom and the greatest showman

my fav taylor albums are folklore, evermore, reputation, 1989, ttpd and speak now but i love all of them really (please please ask me abt them omg)

my current hyper fixation is the marauders (more of a life-long obsession atp) and solangelo

i’m currently reading nothing !! i just cannot

my fav music people (i’m really just giving a short list of many): conan gray, cavetown, current joys, queen, rainbow kitten surprise, the front bottoms, harry styles, noah kahan, taylor swift, phoebe bridgers, the fray, coldplay, olivia rodrigo, billie eilish, boygenius, gracie abrams, sufjan stevens, maya hawke, the smiths, lucy dacus, julien baker, the smiths, sleeping at last, mitski, bo burnham, chappell roan, lorde, the revivalists, hozier, the head and the heart, mumford and sons, the revivalists, adrianne lender

i mostly post about whatever hyperfixation and/or character/person/ship has overtaken my brain, music and analysis things

i appreciate tone tags and i try to use them as much as possible

i’m always looking to talk to more people and i’m always bored (don’t be weird istg)

my fav books are any alice oseman book, the outsiders, the perks of being a wallflower, i fell in love with hope

child of athena (i think, idk how to actually figure it out)

i’m probably a reggie kin?? but it also changes with my varying mental state so i just say i’m marauders soup

biggest pandalily shipper you’ll find

i love love love making character analysis’ or song or movie or tv show or books or ships or whatever

i also write sometimes!! (i suck ass)

and i’m person4924 on ao3 but i can’t figure out how to link it

this is my spotify (my character playlists are my pride and joy and reason for living. i also have the best music taste you will ever encounter.)

this is my discord

this is my airbuds idk if anyone actually uses it but i thought it’d be fun to share music with mooties

please please please send me asks i have no hobbies and one friend and im always bored please please please (im on my hands and knees begging please please please (@iluvmultipleppl needs it to be known im only on my knees for them /j (they called me a whore and told me to fix it 😔)))

i have a tagging system!! idk how much ill remember to use it but yeah!! (its also new so only my new posts will have them) #sam shut the fuck up -> any original posts that don’t fit in any of the other tags #asks!!! -> asks #crazy? i was crazy once -> just any kinda longer fandom rants that i think are important sam sings :O -> lyric/music rants!!

[campbyler]

helllooo!!

i hope you’re all doing well!

just gon leave my overall thoughts on this spectacular, insane, gut wrenchingly beautiful chapter:

- first, thea your writing has me rocking back and forth insanely while sobbing with taylor swift on loud speaker in the background. it’s just. ugh. it’s so. you’re so talented <3

- michael. inhalers should be put in your silly little fanny pack at all times. just shove your snacks into your pockets if you’re that desperate

- lucas is always right.

- hopper knows

- i keep re-reading the asthma attack scene (beforehand) and i have no idea why will was crying - feel like i’ve missed smth but it really showed that mike does, in fact, — no matter how hard he tries to deny this — care about will and i think that perfectly sets their relationship into the ground if yk what i mean?

- will flinches a lot and this will probably be brought up again?? i think it aligns with his dad, lonnie, as in “follow the sparks (i’ll drive)” (which may i say is BEAUTIFULLY written by suni) it’s shown that will has a fear of cars driving past a certain limit - even though mike was driving somewhere around 85 (i forget now but i’m trying) because of lonnie. feel like this’ll be brought up again.

- “Like – what might Will do, if Mike were to kiss somewhere that wasn’t his lips? If he didn’t give Will a clean break; if he were messy about it when he pulled his mouth away from Will’s, if he trailed his kisses along Will’s skin instead? Would Will like it, if Mike used his mouth to trace along the length of his jaw, down to his neck, working his way into that nook of space behind Will’s ear? Would he get mad, Mike muses, if Mike bit into his skin where his neck meets his shoulder, or would he be okay with a bite like that? Would he push Mike away, or would his breath hitch, would his fingers tighten in Mike’s hair, would he bring his other hand up to cradle Mike’s head, too? Would he also have the thought that not all the marks they leave on each other have to hurt – that not all of them need bandaids to heal, that some of them can be smoothed over with a kiss instead? Will’s breath hitches, and all ten of his fingers are knotted into Mike’s hair, and Mike kisses the spot he’s sunk his teeth into so swiftly . . . Mike wonders if he’s gotten carried away, if he got so engrossed in whether or not he could do something, he hadn’t stopped to consider whether or not he should. He brushes another kiss against Will’s skin, apologetic and cautious, and then another – further up, back by his ear, right at the curve of his jaw.” okay, i LOVE the way you’ve characterised mike here. the fact that he’s an over thinker, he over thinks how will is feeling, he over thinks if he’s doing the right thing and overall is being tender with affection as he, quote-unquote, “doesn’t hate will — and that’s all he’s willing to admit”. gotcha buddy…

- “i like your bucket” i had a cheeky giggle

- “Mike thinks he would very much like to hate Will – he thinks his life might be a lot easier if he did. But he doesn’t, and that’s as much as he’s willing to admit.” excuse me. ex—fucking—scuse me?? evil. evil for that ending. you know. you know what you’re doing. and it’s painful >:(

- last, but oh ho-ho not the least. i kid you not when will kissed mike i had to pause. take a large, over exaggerated step back. blink. blink again. look around. then, re-read the first sentence. and scream.

no but seriously, this chapter was absolutely beautiful. again, thea, your writing is amazing and it’s so refreshing to read.

furthermore, please don’t feel like you have to get a chapter done by a dead line if there is something that causes a slower pace! take all the time you need! <3

HELLO!!! WE ARE DOING GREAT!!!!! i am Sat for this ask ty for leaving all your thoughts!! let me try to respond point by point:

SHSH HH . SHH. HSHHHHHSHHSHHSH . why would you say that. WHY WOULD YU SAY THAT!!!!!!! now iiii am rocking back and forth insanely while sobbing with taylor swift on loud speaker in the background!!!!!!!!!

he is more frequently hungry than he is having an asthma attack!!!!!!! he's a growing boy!!!!! let him live!!!!!!!!!

lucas IS always right.

hopper probably definitely knows.

it's not super obvious in the narrative because mike has an asthma attack before he can bring it up LOL but since i'm not sure if it gets addressed in ch05, as the Author, i will confirm: will is a frustrated crier! he is frustrated at himself for the circumstances they've found themselves in and because max and justin are both rightfully mad at him so he is assuming Everyone hates him. he didn't get the same pep talk from max that mike got from lucas so he's just in his feels a little bit! he's good tho fr :)

No Comment At This Time

we ummm. we all love writing mike as an overthinker because that's just #true so the kiss scene was fun bc it was like. mike's actions were being carried out through his thoughts and it was a neat little trick to balance as a writer :')

i personally actually fr say "any questions? comments? concerns? complaints? compliments?" to my team in shift meetings so that was fun to bring in here and it was a nice moment to diffuse the tension LOL

mwhaha and hehe and hoohoo and so on and so forth

thank you so much for your kind words and leniency with the chapter going up!! i am sure that it Will happen again so to have the reassurance of everyone's patience has been so nice :') <3