#I don’t care if it’s false hope I just want izzy hands to come back for season 3

[ourflagmeanssteddyhands]

CAN WE TALK ABOUT SOMETHING?

Samba posted a (nearly) full photo of the transmogrification spell Auntie gave to Buttons. Enhancing the photo and throwing it into google translate gave me this rough translation.

“The first stage, severe pain or death.”

I’m gonna leave this here… just in case anyone else wants to have a slight glimmer of hope for Izzy…

[actress4him]

Whumptober 2023 - Day 17 - Gladiator/Slave AU

Welcome to yet another Brumaria AU! There’s another piece coming for this in a few days that explains more of how Kamaria got into today’s specific situation, but I’ll give a brief backstory for the AU now.

This takes place in the canon universe, where she is Vaya and Ethorcon and Kedosa are at war, but it diverges from canon when her village is destroyed - she was taken captive by Kedosan soldiers, instead of fleeing with a Vaya couple and later being found by her father. She’s been a slave in various capacities ever since.

Bruno belongs to Izzy and is used with permission!

Taglist: @painful-pooch , @sssunshinebreeze

The Shadow of Death Masterlist

No. 17: “You’re the lump in my throat and the knot in my chest.” | “Leave me alone.”

Contains: lady whump, dude whump, slavery, imprisonment, implied/referenced noncon, talk of murder, forced to fight

.

.

Her latest master doesn’t make any sense. Three days Kamaria has been locked in this room with him, and all he’s done is talk. He talks about everything. Himself, the fights, his life before the arena, food. He offers her things. He tries to get her to talk. 

She’s yet to say a word to him. She’s thought about it a couple of times, mostly just to tell him no when he offers her the bed to sleep in yet again, or to ask him what his deal is and what exactly he’s waiting on. But she can’t seem to force the words up past the constant lump in her throat. 

They gave her to him because he’s the reigning champion of the arena. Undefeated for she doesn’t know or care how long, but apparently it’s a long time compared to others. Every other gladiator she’s been given to has only kept her for one night as a reward for winning a big fight, but this one gets to keep her. Indefinitely. She’s his now, to do whatever he wants with, as long as he continues doing well in the arena. 

But somehow, all he seems to want to do with her is talk to her. And he hasn’t even gotten angry when she won’t talk back. That part is not entirely unusual, some of the prisoners are actually fairly calm and gentle when they’re not out in the ring killing people. They’re forced to be here, just like she is, forced to do things they don’t want to do. She has much better luck coming away unharmed with them than she does the guards.

Regardless of their anger levels, though, all of them have used her for her intended purpose. Until this one. 

He has to be waiting on something. Maybe he’s saving her as a reward for when he feels he’s done exceptionally well. Maybe he wants to get to know her first - another reason to continue not speaking. Maybe he wants to lull her into a false sense of security.

He won’t leave her alone forever, though. It’s impossible.

Night three falls, marked by the food that’s shoved through the slot in the door. Her master fetches it, as usual, inspecting both trays before bringing one over to set at a short distance from her. As usual, he takes some food off his own tray and places it on hers.

As usual, he says something along the lines of, “The amount of food they give you is pathetic. You can’t survive on just that.”

I have for years, she thinks but doesn’t say. What they give you isn’t much better for someone they expect to fight and win. 

As usual, she picks at the food and leaves the extra that he gave her. He’ll take it back and eat it himself at the end, complaining that she really should have eaten it. He doesn’t seem to realize the trouble she’d likely get in if she took what isn’t hers and someone found out.

He sets the empty trays by the door, stretches with his arms over his head, and goes to the basin in the corner to wash his face and hands. “You know you can wash up, too, if you want. I’ll even turn my back if you want me to.”

Right. Of course he would.

“I’ve got a fight tomorrow. Hope it’s someone easy.” He chuckles as if it’s not his life on the line every time he goes out there, as if he doesn’t have to take a life sometimes to save his own. She knows he hates it, he’s told her so. But he’s annoyingly casual about everything pertaining to himself and bafflingly serious about everything pertaining to her. 

“Will you please take the bed tonight? I really don’t mind sleeping on the floor, done it a million times before. It’s cold tonight, too, and you’re barely dressed. You should really be off that cold floor. Take a blanket, at the very least.”

She responds by lying down, curling up in the corner she hasn’t moved from with her back to the wall. She doesn’t want in his bed. Whatever reason he’s putting off the inevitable, it would surely come to an end the moment she touched that bed. And yes, it’s cold. The wooden floor is like ice against her bare arms and feet, but her body heat will warm it soon enough. If she takes anything from him, that’s just giving him an opportunity to say that she owes him.

Not that it works that way, she’s his slave. He can take what he wants from her at any time, no matter what. But maybe that’s what he’s waiting for.

He sighs, dropping the blanket he held in one hand back onto the bed. “Fine. Have it your way, I guess. Don’t say I didn’t try to be a gentleman.”

It almost sounds like he’s giving up and about to come after her. Kamaria tenses all over, heart lurching into high speed, stomach twisting into a knot. 

But all he does is turn around and crawl into the bed, pulling the blanket up over his own body. “Goodnight, Miss Silent One.”

It takes her several minutes after he falls quiet to settle back down. In a way, she’s angry. She wishes that he’d just do it, just get it over with. At least then she’d know what to expect. This waiting and wondering and trying to figure him out is killing her. Her heart and brain can’t take it much longer. 

She’s fallen into a light sleep, arms wrapped around herself, when footsteps coming across the floor jerk her back awake. Immediately she’s sitting up, pressed against the wall, staring up at him. He’s got that blasted blanket in his hand again, looming over her.

He backs off one step. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to frighten you, I was hoping you were asleep. I was just going to give you this.”

Why do you keep making excuses? she wants to scream. Either take what you want or just leave me alone!

She swallows, but the lump that’s been there for three days now remains. 

He sighs again, longer this time. “Fine. Sorry.” He starts to back up, hesitates, then drops the blanket onto the floor in front of her before turning and walking back to the bed, lying down with his back toward her.

Kamaria remains sitting up until she can hear his steady breathing from across the small room. Chills crawl up and down her spine, and the blanket is right there, and maybe if she takes it he’ll get it over with like she wants, but she can’t. 

She can’t willingly surrender herself to the one thing she hates the most. 

The blanket is still crumpled in front of her when morning comes. 

[blank-vessel]

The teen lay on the floor looking like he was sleeping, still in the shirt and underwear he’d stolen his body didn’t quite fit in it and it was obvious. He was burning up face flushed with a feverous dark grey, chest rising and falling he didn’t look well at all. As he was nudged he let out a small pained groan but didn’t shift all too much, as she felt for his pulse it would beat strongly beneath her fingers, almost a little too fast, slowly his eyes opened, bright red eyes looking dazed through black hair up at the nova girl.

He was confused, lost and thinking himself dreaming, “Izzy…?” He whined confused, he was struggling to focus, but he tried to shift only to cry out and grasp at his chest in pain beginning to tremble he whined confused, his head pounded and he felt sick. What had happened? Where was he? Why did everything look weird, whining again he started to grasp at her trembling in pain and sickness he just struggled to understand what was going on.

———

When the man came the shadows whispered of his arrival, they spoke of lots of things and he didn’t need ti worry about not knowing. He knew what he was, what he would be, even if he had thought he could escape he couldn’t. As the door opened the boy was sat in the bed and looked at Carson with inky black eyes that began to reflect back all Carson was, cruelty and power, pride and pleasure, it all danced in the darkness of the boys eyes. His expression was blank, empty, he just sat there and watched his owner grin, the tail at his side twitched and shifted, ears twitching as Carson spoke the threats that used to work all too well.

“I won’t fight, I know what I need to do.” He spoke and his voice was… off, it was like anything that had been capable of caring had left, he was cold and empty, “You don’t have to threaten me with something I don’t care for, but you won’t get what you want just yet. I’m with her now you know? My outburst met a wish and that wish became two, a sad false hope really. But I really was desperate to get away, I’m still running from you.” He put a hand to his chest where the half mark sat, “But I can’t escape, they won’t let me.” He fell silent ears twitching he tilted as if listening to something, “They’re happy though, they think this is fun. They’re saying you have to make us whole so they can come.”

@blank-vessel

Izzy hadn't been able to meet up with her penpal as the church always got in the way. Meetings were ruined by cultists showing up and kidnapping her or telling her that he wouldn't come. She had to see him though before she got shipped off to the sprawl so that's why she went to her grandfather's gala. He was suspicious but she just said if she was getting shipped off this might be the last time she'd be able to see him. It was a weak excuse but it made him touch her face in a way that made her skin crawl. It didn't help he called her precious and said she could go if she wore the dress he bought.

So there she was standing uncomfortably in a red and black dress. It made far too many people look at her as if she were an adult and she really didn't like it but she put up with it. L was supposed to be there and they couldn't stop them from meeting without causing a scene. Not being allowed to drink anything but bottled water she sighed knowing it was to reassure the others that she hadn't contaminated anything. Sipping from the bottle she gasped seeing him across the way. Eyes wide and glowing she made her way over to him.

Before she could reach him he doubled over and threw up something black and that smelled of death. He changed before her eyes and she gasped worried that someone had poisoned him. As people went silent and backed away she pushed forward and gently cupped his face. "Oh shit what did they do to you?" She didn't get to comfort him long as her grandfather pulled her away and to him as if she were his property. Struggling she wanted to save him but the guards just drug L away and she was forced to face her grandfather with his face inches from hers.

"I think our saint found his bride. Pity you have to leave to make your flight." He tried to kiss her and she turned her head. Feeling lips on her neck she wanted to scream. The cultists clapped as if they'd just been witness to something amazing. Tears burning her eyes she could still feel his hands on her as she was escorted off to be cleaned up and shipped to the Sprawl to meet up with her mother.

[doc-pickles]

i swore i wouldn’t do this

Don't you smile at me and ask me how I've been

Don't you say you've missed me if you don't want me again

You don't know how much I feel I love you still

So why don't you, don't you?

hello so if you saw me accidentally post this on friday no you fucking didn’t. also I only have two brain cells so if some of my TS fics seem similar ignore it. anyways enjoy!!

xoxo nina

When a knock sounds at her door Jo isn’t shocked. Link was proposing tonight and she knew if things went south that she would be his first stop. She picked Luna up from her rocker and settled the infant against her chest. Another knock sounded and Jo couldn’t help the groan that left her.

“I’m coming, hold on,” Jo unlocked the heavy oak door and pulled it open. “I swear you’re more impatient than-”

Jo’s words died on her tongue, eyes widening as she took in the sight of her ex husband standing before her. Alex was wearing a dark suit jacket, presumably coming from Maggie’s wedding. Jo can’t help the way her heart speeds up at the sight of him.

“Hi.”

“Hey.”

“You’re here. In Seattle.”

“You have a baby.”

Jo finally looks away from Alex to glance down at Luna who’s happily drooling on her hands. Her eyes are pointed up at Alex, as if the ten month old knows how important he is.

“This is Luna,” Jo looks back to Alex and her heart falls at the look on his face. “I just finalized her adoption papers last week. Her mom was my patient.”

She knows exactly what was running through Alex’s head, that she’d had his daughter and not told him as some sick form of revenge for what he’d done to her.

“Do you… want to come in for a beer,” Jo glanced at the near empty penthouse behind her. “I don't have any furniture yet but…”

“Sure,” Alex followed Jo, shutting the door behind him as she set Luna in her pack and play. “I can’t believe you’re in Avery’s place.”

“Well Schmitt and Helm took over the loft and that place wasn't exactly baby proof,” Jo grabbed two beers from the fridge, handing one to Alex who was leaning against the wall. “You’re in town for Maggie’s wedding?”

“No. I mean yes I’m here for the wedding but I’m not in town,” Jo is silent as she stands across from him. “Jo, I’m so-”

“Don’t.”

“Jo-”

“No Alex. I can’t do this today. Or ever actually. I just….” Jo took a deep breath as she turned away. “I know you think apologizing will fix things but it won’t. You should just go home to Izzie, okay?”

“I’m not… Would you just let me explain?”

“No,” Jo paused, narrowing her eyes at Alex. “You said more than enough in your letter.”

“Come on Jo!”

“Absolutely not.”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t want hope, Alex! If you stand here and apologize and tell me why you did what you did then I’m going to be filled with this…,” Jo paused, struggling to find the words to express her feelings. “This stupid false hope! Because despite what you did there’s a stupid part of me that loves you still and it is a big part of me. A big stupid part of me. So just don’t say anything, okay?”

There’s a startling silence as Jo and Alex stare at each other, both with wide watering eyes and gaped mouths. Finally it’s Alex who breaks the silence.

“I bought a house.”

“In Kansas?”

“No, in Seattle.”

“Why-”

“Because I miss you. And I miss Meredith and the kids and non stop rain and ferry boats and long nights at the hospital. And I hate Kansas.”

“Alex-”

“And I love you too. I never stopped and I don’t think I ever will Jo,” Alex sighed and met Jo’s eyes. “I know I screwed us up and I’m sorry. But you mean… Everything to me Jo.”

“And what about Izzie?”

“We were never… I don’t know why I lied and said I was in love with her. Maybe to make it easier for you to move on?”

“I slept with Jackson,” Jo bites her lip, waiting for Alex’s outburst at her confession.

“I don’t care Jo.”

“You have kids.”

“Who are excited to spend summer and holidays in Seattle.”

“I have a baby.”

“Jo, when are you going to realize none of this changes how I feel about you?”

“You left me! You left our life together and you didn’t even answer my calls.”

Alex stood, taking a small step forward and reaching his hand out to Jo, “I know, but I came back. I’ll always come back to you Jo.”

Jo watches him for a moment, silently debating on whether she would take his hand or not. Finally after a long silent moment she steps forward into his embrace. There’s an audible sigh of relief from Alex as he wraps his arms around her, lips pressing into her forehead.

“So this house…”

“It’s no penthouse but it’s got a big backyard and lots of bedrooms.”

Jo looked up and met Alex’s eyes with a grin, “I’ll go anywhere if it means I’m with you.”

“I’m realizing that a little too late.”

[beclynn-herondale]

For the Circle week: Céline and Jace

"Hey," Jace said, talking to a gravestone like it could hear him. "I know we never really met, but I want you to know that I would have liked to know you."

He came here hoping to maybe try and get am idea of what she may have been like, his birth mother, he recently got very curious about his family roots, he could find a lot about his father and people had many stories, but his mom not so much, no one really knew her and he couldn't help but feel sad for her, he couldn't imagine still not being known.

He often wondered if Valentine lied about her too, did she really kill herself? It didn't sit right with Jace, and maybe it's just him not wanting to think that but he always felt uneasy on that part, though he also didn't have much to go on what she was like so how could he be sure?

He always trusted his instincts but what if he is letting his emotions or false dreams get in the way?

He wished he could just know, but maybe some people just get forgotten, people have td him little things but no one could give him much else about her, he felt that's a crime and that his mother wasn't insane, she just needed help she never got because the Clave thinks they know everything and don't need to change.

He noticed his hands were shaking from getting emotional and calmed himself, it was weird, this healing journey he was on, he was crying again and felt his emotions so deeply again, there were moments where he thought to himself "Valentine would be disappointed in you" but he pushed them away knowing now that that's not true.

"I don't know what to say," he said. "I never knew you but I feel like you were treated so wrongly, I feel like the Clave makes up excuses so they don't have to accept the fact that maybe the way things are is wrong. I feel like they owed you better than this."

He felt like he was repeating himself.

"but you know, I kinda get it. I struggle sometimes too, and I refuse to ask for help all the time. I don't know maybe you were the same? Sometimes it all just sucks," he said, taking a deep breath. "And you know, Clary, she's always talking about how she wishes there was a rune to heal grief, that's just her, she's amazing. She's strong and brave and kind, she's one of the best people I know. And one of the people I love most in this world. And there's Alec, my brother, my parabatai, my rock. I don't know what I would do without him, if not for him I probably wouldn't have made it far enough to meet Clary and turn my life around. Alec is so good and had so much faith, he wants to change the world and make it a better place. And there's Izzy, my sister, she's so passionate and such a badass. She's my partner in crime, she's always had my back and stood up for me, she is brilliant and brave. There's Simon as well, he's alright, I think we're friends. He's cool, though I am not good at relationship stuff I try to be friends with him, he also wants to do the right thing and it's admirable. There's also Magnus, he's cool as well, and he loves Alec as much as I do so that makes me like him a lot, I think we're friends as well maybe family technically, but I don't think either of us will admit that," he chuckled. "There's Max and Rafe as well, those boys, my boys. They are so young and innocent and sweet, it makes me want to protect them from the world that will knew day teach them hard lessons, but I guess that's why you have your family to be there when those lessons come your way and pick you back up. There's Maryse, the woman I call Mom, I don't want you to feel bad about that, she's a good mom to me, I know you probably wish you were here instead but believe me she's awesome," he trailed off.

What am I doing?

"but I also want you to know, that if you hadn't died, if you had lived, I think we could have been close as well. But I suppose the universe isn't always fair. I just want you to know that if you ever felt any kind of guilt for dying and not being here for me, that it's okay, I am okay, and I want you to be at peace," he said.

------

She didn't think he realized she was there listening to him speak, he had his head down and was talking. She was on the other side of the gravestone, just listening to his voice, thanking the people who loved her boy.

Even though it hurt knowing she couldn't be his mom, she thanked Maryse for being that to him. She thanked Clary Fairchild for loving him beyond measure. Thanked Alec Lightwood for being there to always take care of him and love him as well. Thanked Isabelle Lightwood for being a sister to him. Thanked Simon Lovelace for being a friend. Thanked Magnus Bane for secretly being like a big brother to him, though bsje wasn't sure if he realized it. Thanked Rafe and Max for loving him. and finally thanked the Angel for letting him live and be happy.

I love you, my boy. And I wish I could know you but I leave you with the ones who love you as much as I would have. I never got to hold you in my arms but at least I can be at peace knowing people do hold you. I am proud of you sunshine.

Tagging @khaleesiofalicante since you do be running this week.

[imacrowcawcaw]

A Lover With A Red Hot Thong -- Duzzy -- Ch. 1

Author (as known on various sites): luluthechoosingcrow - AO3, theladylovingcrow - Wattpad and Deviantart, lady lover - Rockfic, @insannywestan - Sanny shipping blog, @gretavanfleetconfessions

Fandom: Guns n Roses

Pairings: Duff McKagan/Izzy Stradlin (Duzzy)

Tags/Warnings: Fluff, like extreme fluff, attempted humor, airports, Duff has anxiety, Izzy is really good at comforting him, cuddling, sharing a bed, romance, dates, friends to lovers, adorable giggly boys, kissing

Summary: Duff dressed like a stripper from Arkansas that had discovered the Sex Pistols last week, drank more vodka in a month than most people did in a year, baked amazing blackberry streudals, sang Prince in the shower, and made out with his friends when he was lonely. Izzy was pretty sure that he was in love with him. Something certainly comes out of it when they end up spending a rather romantic week (totally not a honeymoon) in New Orleans because somebody (the very Duff of his longings) always loses their passport.

Taglist: @brianmaysclog @love-n-my-heart-4-n-army-apart @1800endmeplease @tymeconsuming @satans-helper @ageofkiszka @karrotkate @therealswanqueen @mountainofthesunn @onlyan-angel @lantern-inthenight @love-philautia @ubernoxa @kill-fear-the-power-of-lies (reminder that I just remade my taglist and organized it as best as I could, but if you either don’t want to be tagged in something (like GNR) or want to be added, just let me know!)

Author's Notes (aka disclaimers): 

1 - Don't own the people or places 

2 - It's a combination of real and made up (to my knowledge) places for this story. Don't use this as a fucking tour guide, I've never been to New Orleans and I don't have memories of anywhere east of Lake Tahoe

3 - The timeline of this is also completely made up. I like to bend reality to my will because I am a lazy writer

4 - I tried my hand at writing a character with anxiety. I'm trying my best with the info online and my own experiences, but please let me know if something is wildly inaccurate and detracts from the story 

5 - I mean no disrespect to the band. I try my best to be a humorous writer, and I think that I have a pretty healthy view of them, seeing both the good and poking fun at the bad. Some of this might come off as mean, but I’m not really trying to be. I just want people to laugh

6 - Trying that thing where I port my WIPs to get motivated. We’ll see if this works!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Monday, September 15, 6:46 AM, New Orleans Louis Armstrong National Airport 

"Duff, what exactly do you mean you don't have your passport?" Axl spit, breathing hard in an effort to diffuse combustion. He was not exactly the happiest camper this early in the morning, especially when some people's forgetfulness interrupted the sleep he had planned on getting as soon as they boarded the plane.

The man being questioned gazed at Axl nervously through wide, panicked eyes. 

"I don't know, man! Er- I mean, yeah I don't have it... I'm pretty sure the last time I saw it was at the hotel when we checked in. I'm sorry! We just got up so early and it was still dark and I kind of have a hangover from last night so I just shoved my stuff in my bag and went downstairs so we wouldn't be late, but now we're going to be late shit I'm sorry I don't-" 

"Hey, hey. Duff, it's okay, just breathe," Izzy soothed, speaking his first words of the day besides a 'fuck off' to Steven, who'd been tasked with waking him up. He settled a coffee-cup-warm, pale hand on Duff's shoulder and turned to speak to Axl.

"It's fine, Bill, we'll figure it out. None of us function well in the morning, do you have your snakeskin belt, hmm?" He asked, knowing that the beloved item was still hanging from a lamp in the hotel room they had checked out of at 4 AM.

Axl's mouth shut with a clack as he glared at Izzy and his damned know it all face. He huffed out a breath and made a big show of rolling his eyes and changing his expression to one of fond exasperation.

"Fine, then, you can figure it out. Don't expect any help from us, though!" 

Izzy snorted at his friend's drama and his statement; Steven was currently trying to convince an off duty captain to let him fly his plane, Axl was Axl, and Slash was still dead to the world behind his hair -- very helpful.

"Okay, well, we'll meet you there as soon as we can. Enjoy your flight, don't become members of the mile high club without us," Izzy replied, pulling Duff up and swinging his backpack over his shoulder.

They walked away, arms brushing with every step, to the sound of Axl screaming at them to bring back his belt, and the disgruntled looks of other early morning airport commuters whom they ignored. Izzy followed the overhead signs back to a check in desk with Duff in tow, hoping that everything would work out and that they could be in Amsterdam with the rest of the guys by nightfall.

No such luck, of course.

"I'm sorry," the lady said with a completely uncaring smile, "but the next flight to Amsterdam, commercial or private, isn't until next tuesday. I can book two tickets for you, Mr. Stradlin, but there's nothing more I can do." 

Izzy sighed, but nodded. He sorted through bills in his wallet, mocking the lady in his head all the while. 'I'm sorry, but your daughter is going to die from a wrench to the eye socket. I can give you a bandaid, but there's nothing more I can do.'

Duff, though, having woken up on the walk over, was looking closer to an anxiety attack than the mild annoyance Izzy was feeling. 

He quickly excused them and grabbed Duff's wrist, pulling him a few feet away for the false illusion of privacy to calm him down.

"Shh, shh, take a deep breath," Izzy whispered, hands gripping Duff's shoulders to force them to look straight in each other's eyes. "Everything will be alright. We'll find your passport, hang out in the city for a while, then go meet up with the guys. Easy, no problems. Relax babe, just try to relax and breathe."

Duff tried to steady his breathing as he clung to Izzy, pulling the man into a hug. He wasn't sure what he would do if Iz wasn't here -- his friend was usually the only one who could stop his incoming anxiety like that.

They stood there for several minutes; Duff regaining a normal breathing pattern, and Izzy slowly rubbing his back. As they pulled away from each other, Duff spotted a hippo in Mardi Gras attire glaring at them in disgust. He smirked rather weakly, still a bit shaken and queasy from his panic but back on the track to his usual self.

"Hey, Iz, it looks like we have an audience, and he's not very pleased."

Izzy grinned back at him, relieved that the Duff he knew was still kicking. Besides, this was their favorite game. 

Every once in a while, the boys were subjected to odd stares and the occasional slur. Usually, it was just for dressing like Dolly Parton while shoplifting, but occasionally, it was because they got pretty close. Sometimes they were drunk, sometimes they were just talking to each other or hugging, sometimes because they were blatantly trying to piss off as many people as possible (sometimes the "people" included Axl).

Izzy moved his hands from Duff's shoulder blades, one wrapping tight around his waist and the other getting a firm grip on his delectable ass. 

Duff snorted and cupped Izzy's face in his large hands, angling him upwards slightly so that they could lean their foreheads together. He bit his lip to stop from giggling, and Izzy brushed his own mouth against him for a split second, getting a quick hint of teeth and coffee-breathe.

Out of the corner of his eye, Izzy saw the man visibly shudder, his beady eyes grimacing. 

A fake blond, middle aged woman Izzy assumed was his wife laid one hand on his polo shirt, as if in an effort to calm him down. It had the opposite effect. The man grunted and skewered his mouth to the side, squinting even more as if a giant rainbow spotlight was being blasted into his eyes.

Izzy smirked, though it was barely noticeable against Duff's mouth. 

Duff murmured something about 'making a scene', but Izzy knew he was referring to their audience and not themselves. Neither of them cared who saw this, though if it was printed in any magazines Axl might try to suplex them out of a window. "Try" being the key word -- the little red terror was too chicken to actually try that with Izzy, and too short to get enough leverage on Duff. 

Somewhere behind him, Izzy heard the woman whine, "Oh, Charles!" like she was getting the worst rimjob of her life. 

"It's disgusting, Carol! I won't stand for it!" 

"Time to get going?" Duff whispered, pulling back an inch.

Izzy gave him one last searing kiss and an extra probing squeeze to the ass then nodded, breaking away. They quickly picked up their suitcases and high tailed it out of the building, leaving dust, stares, and a purple and green, mouth breathing, homophobic fatman in their wake. 

Duff laughed as they came to a stop in the middle of a group of Japanese tourists. They all turned to look at him as he barked, panted, barked, and then wheezed with his hands on his knees.

Izzy was looking at Duff too, a rare - though not as much as some people would think - smile on his lips. He patted his friend on the back and pulled out a cigarette, then offered one to Duff. It would make the wheezing worse, but a smoker cares none about that. 

They lit up from Izzy's lighter as the tour grouped streamed past them, completely nonplussed at the disgruntled - or awed, recognizing - stares they received. Once they had the stretch of sidewalk to themselves, Duff stacked their suitcases one atop the other and sat down while Izzy hailed a cab. His long arms soon garnered them a ride and they hopped into the sedan after tossing their bags into the trunk. 

It was blue, with a peeling leather interior and a hand stenciled logo on either window; the usual black and white checkers ran a wobbly circle around the outside of the car. The driver glared at them from underneath bushy brows as they smoked their cigarettes, and Izzy smiled at him politely, meeting his eyes in the rearview mirror, until he finished and put out his cig on the door's plastic. 

Duff's mind was in some far off place and he didn't notice any interactions taking place. Izzy wondered if he was thinking about how to find his passport, or what to do in the city, or about girls -- or, the bleach blonde head rolling onto his shoulder could have been asleep. The snores more or less confirmed it. 

"Where to?" The driver asked after a minute. 

“Marriott on Jackson,” Izzy answered, turning his torso minutely to get more comfortable.

Etta James’ smoky vocals floated out of the speakers, half of the tone quality getting lost in the maze of beads hanging down from the cab ceiling in a curtain between driver and passengers. Izzy sighed and shifted; the leather creaked; Duff snorted and drool ran down his arm. He smiled down at the man asleep on him and brushed some hair back from his sticky mouth, fingers slowly tracing Duff’s jawline. 

Michael Andrew Mckagan was a unique specimen, that was for sure. He was laid back and welcoming, yet had enough energy to rival Popcorn, at times. He was loving and affectionate to his friends, and scathingly rude to those that hurt them. Duff dressed like a stripper from Arkansas that had discovered the Sex Pistols last week, drank more vodka in a month than most people did in a year, baked amazing blackberry streudals, sang Prince in the shower, and made out with his friends when he was lonely. Izzy was pretty sure that he was in love with him.

The engine of the cab coughed, and suddenly the vehicle was rolling to a stop outside the hotel they had left only an hour or so ago. Izzy gently shook Duff awake and went to pay the man while Duff got their bags back out of the trunk. 

“That will be forty dollars,” the man said, staring Izzy down from beneath his fuzzy caterpillar. Interestingly enough, that was the only facial hair he had; perhaps he’d shaved off his mustache and glued it, hair by hair, onto his brow bone. 

“Really? It was half that to get to the airport two hours ago. What’s your game, man? You think you can scam us?”

Izzy didn’t like being scammed. It was damn near impossible to get one up on him - let alone very rare someone even dared to try - so this guy was about to get it if he thought he could. 

“You ruined my interior. Smells like smoke. I need to clean it now. I know you have the money,” the man glared, narrowing his eyes. The caterpillar hunched down too, like it was trying to curl up on itself to avoid getting eaten by a hawk-nosed Stradlin. 

“Is that so?” Izzy snorted, fishing out another cigarette just for the hell of watching the man get angrier. 

“Here, forty dollars. C’mon Iz, let’s go.”

Duff handed the man a fold of two twenties with a sigh, his other hand subtly resting on Izzy’s lower back for a moment before removing itself again. He wanted to fight it - there was no way that guy should be getting away with charging them double price, fuck that! - but Duff was tired and the money was already handed over. Izzy knew that physical signal from Dff, too, the hand on the back: it meant “leave it”. 

With a final huff and a not so subtle bird, Izzy grabbed his carpet bag from where Duff had lain it on the asphalt and followed his tall friend through the hotel’s front entrance, cigarette dangling from his mouth all the while. 

They made their way over to the front desk, explained the situation, and then they were back inside the mirrored elevator armed with the suite’s key card, going up like they had never left in the first place. 

“Hmm, wonder what it would be like to make love in this elevator?” Duff mused, staring upwards at his reflection in the ceiling. 

Issy followed the bold line of his profile, from Adam's apple to nose to messy hair, before he finally glanced at the ceiling, too. 

“Interesting, certainly. I’ve done it in front of a mirror, but not in a whole box of them.”

“Yeah. Hey, we should come back here and incorporate this into our next video!” Duff exclaimed, grinning at him. 

“Izzy snorted. “What, you wanna come back here a third time? This place got like a magical draw or some shit?”

They both cracked up.

[hopesilverheart]

Title: I loved your colours (before I loved you) Artist: @calliartss​ Rating: Explicit (Chapter 10 only) Pairings: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Alec Lightwood & Clary Fray, Clary Fray/Isabelle Lightwood Word Count: ~95k Summary: Magnus Bane is a journalist who's always dreamed of modelling for Lightwood Fashions. When the CEO Alec Lightwood starts looking for new models for their spring collection, he jumps on the occasion.

In the meantime, Alec Lightwood is struggling with the idea of finally announcing his role as co-designer. When Magnus Bane strolls into his life, Alec is torn between keeping his secret or throwing all caution to the wind.

This fic was created for the Malec Discord Mini Bang 2020.

Chapter 8: Falling

“I’m still half-convinced that we’re leaving in an alternate dream reality.”

Alec snorted and glanced over at Clary from where he was laying on his bed, sorting through different coloured fabrics, trying to find the perfect one for the collection’s final and most important pieces.

After having spent four days holed up in their offices. Alec had forcefully dragged Clary back to his apartment and put together an emergency meeting. By which he meant that he had raided his local store for all the best chocolate chip cookie mixes, baked up a storm, and was planning on coaxing his best friend into telling him about the date he knew she had gone on.

“Why’s that?” He asked her when he realised she wasn’t going to expand on her dream reality explanation. “I mean, I get that we’re sort of living the perfect life at the moment; this collection is clearly going to be the best one we’ve ever created, our team is thriving, I’m dating an amazing model and journalist who seems to care about me as much as I do him, and even you’ve finally gotten your love life figured out. But I highly doubt that we’re in an alternate reality. I think this is just… The good after years of mediocre.”

“You may have a point,” Clary said thoughtfully, holding one of Alec’s dresses up in front of her and tilting her head to the side, considering. “Damn, why didn’t we make this one a part of the winter collection? I’m sure it would have suited Isabelle wonderf- Hold on, what do you mean, I have my love life figured out? What do you know about my love life?”

Alec raised his eyebrows at his best friend disbelievingly. Less than a week ago, he had talked Clary through a minor crisis when the redhead had told him about meeting up with Isabelle and not being sure if it was just a work thing or more, and now she was asking him what he knew about her love life?

It didn’t take a genius to realise that Clary and Izzy had both been happier than ever over the last few days, smiling at everyone and treating the team with more respect than they had in a very long time. The fact that they hadn’t argued with each other at all hadn’t escaped Alec’s notice either – it hadn’t escaped anyone’s notice – and the only thing he was waiting for was confirmation that his two favourite women in the world had finally figured things out.

“Are you really going to play dumb right now?” Alec sighed when Clary only crossed her arms over her chest, staying stubbornly silent. “Clary, you went out with her last week and haven’t said anything about it since. I know you told me it was a work thing or a project or whatever, but we both know you were hoping for more. So… Is it more? Is that why you’ve been so happy all week?”

Usually, Alec didn’t like to push when it came to all things Clary&Izzy related, because those two could be worse than a group of middle schoolers when they got particularly bad, but… He wanted his best friend to date the woman she had loved for years. He wanted Clary to tell him all about her relationship with Isabelle, the same way he told her everything about his relationship with Magnus.

God, he just wanted to know she was doing good. And he couldn’t know that unless she told him, because Clary’s word was the only thing he trusted when it came to his best friend’s well-being.

“I was hoping you’d forget about that,” Clary winced, blushing lightly as she let go of the dress and spun around so she was facing Alec. Noticing the serious look in her eyes, Alec sat up and straightened his back, trying to show her that she had his undivided attention. “I don’t want to get your hopes up. I know you’ve been rooting for Isabelle and I from day one, but there’s a good chance our first real date won’t go well and then I’ll have told you all about it for nothing, and I- I don’t want to put you in an awkward position.”

“Ah,” Alec hummed understandingly, hauling himself off his bed and pulling his best friend into one of his rare – but apparently extremely comforting – hugs. “Red, you’re allowed to get your hopes up. You’re allowed to want this and be afraid of this and wonder if you’re doing the right thing. What you’re not allowed to do is hide your feelings for my benefit. No matter what happens between Izzy and you, you’ll never put me in an awkward position.”

“I won’t?” Clary frowned, leaning back so they were staring at each other head on. “I just always thought…”

“You thought I’d feel obligated to side with Izzy if things went wrong between the two of you?” Alec chuckled, shaking his head at his foolish best friend. “Clary, Izzy is my sister. I’ll always love her, no matter what she does, but she’s not you. If something happens between the two of you, I’ll always choose you, Red, alright?”

“You are such a sap, Lightwood,” Clary laughed softly, rolling her eyes at him and shoving him back towards the bed. “But I appreciate the sentiment. And for the record, I would choose you too.”

“Well yeah, it’s not like you’re particularly close to Magnus, no matter how much the two of you have talked over the past few weeks,” Alec pointed out.

“Oh my god, you giant idiot,” Clary smacked him over the head, leaning down to pick another dress up before turning back towards Alec’s mirror. “I mean that I would choose you if something happened between Isabelle and you, not between you and Magnus.”

Knowing that Clary wouldn’t be able to see him, Alec smiled softly and blushed at his best friend’s words. A part of him had known, of course, that Clary would choose him over his sister if things came down to that, but it was always nice to get confirmation from the source herself.

For years, it had just been Clary and Alec. They had been best friends for almost ten years now and, although they’d both had a few relationships here and there, it had always been them first and everything else second. Part of Alec had worried that once they found the people they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with, they would lose the bond they had shared for so long.

He should have known it was a stupid fear.

“Don’t think I didn’t notice your attempt at distraction, by the way,” he grinned after a few minutes of peaceful silence, interrupted only by the crinkles of fabric and Clary’s thoughtful hums as she combed through all the outfits they had designed and rejected for the fall and winter collections. “The date, Clarissa. How did it go?”

“It wasn’t technically a date,” Clary mumbled, but Alec could see her smile reflected in the mirror, and he knew it was only a matter of time before she cracked and told him everything. And indeed… “Alright, fine, it was almost a date. There was a bit of a tense moment when we both mentioned the fact that we didn’t just want it to be a work thing, but we figured it out pretty quickly.”

“Good for you!” Alec exclaimed, beaming at his best friend. “I’m assuming you have a first date planned sometime soon, then?”

“Yeah,” Clary smiled shyly, swaying slightly as she stared at the lavender dress in her hands. “Yeah, we do. I told her I would plan something for tomorrow, so I got us reservations at a nice restaurant after work. She told me she would be there and that she couldn’t wait to see me again, so… Good news?”

“Great news!” Alec corrected, only refraining from standing up and spinning his best friend around because he knew she didn’t want to make a big deal out of her feelings for Izzy.

They had always been a bit of a complicated pair, but Alec couldn’t think of two people that were as perfect for each other as they were. They fit together in a way Alec didn’t quite know how to explain, and he knew that once they got past the few issues they had accumulated after years of thinly-veiled antagonism, they would be just fine.

Maybe it had taken them a while to where they were now, but at least they knew they were meant for each other. At least they knew they could fight and fight and fight some more, and always come out stronger on the other side. At least they didn’t have to worry about getting to know each other’s little quirks, since they had already picked each other apart until there was nothing left to dissect.

“I can’t believe we’re both dating people we actually like,” Clary smiled, leaning against the mirror and staring at Alec, her gaze dripping with happiness. “Two years ago, we both thought our love lives were over and that we were going to have to marry each other in order to stay sane. And now look at us.”

“Yeah,” Alec nodded slowly. “Look at us indeed. Hey, do you think… Do you think it’s possible to know whether someone is our soulmate after only knowing them for say… a month and a half? Hypothetically, of course.”

“Of course,” Clary said seriously, winking at him conspiratorially less than a second later. “I mean, I’m not sure I’m the best person to be asking about this, since I don’t really believe in soulmates, but… sure, why not? There are some people in the world who are meant to be connected, kind of like we are. If you meet someone and feel like they’re it for you, then don’t think about it too much. Live your life to the fullest, give them all the love you have to share, and make sure they know how much you value them.”

“And if he doesn’t feel the same way?” Alec asked quietly, giving up on the false pretences and biting down on his bottom lip nervously. “What if I fall for him, what if I’ve already started falling for him, and he breaks my heart?”

“Then I’ll tear that journalist to pieces and make sure your mom fires the hell out of him in less than thirty minutes,” Clary said fiercely, kneeling in front of Alec’s bed and cradling his face in her small hands. The gesture shouldn’t have been so reassuring, but Alec had never felt safer than when Clary held him like he was worth the world to her. “You’re an amazing person, Alec, and Magnus would be an idiot not to realise that. And no matter what happens, you’ll always have me.”

“I know,” Alec beamed at his best friend, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead before raising a judgemental eyebrow at the shirt in her hands. “We should have burned that, seriously. How… How did that even make it out of our sketchbook? How on earth did we convince Helen to sew that?”

“God, I have no idea,” Clary giggled, throwing the blue top aside and sighing happily. “She must really trust us. Or she knew we wouldn’t stop harassing her until she gave us what she wanted, so she gave in and produced… that.”

“Sounds about right,” Alec chuckled, his heart fluttering happily as he gazed at the mound of clothes on his floor. “We’ve really made it, haven’t we? We’re not two lost college kids anymore, we’re actual designers who have their shit figured out and are going to create the best collection this company has ever seen.”

“Hell yeah we are,” Clary whooped. “The fashion world isn’t going to know what hit them. And hey, maybe you’ll even think more on that thing we talked about a while ago. You know it would make a lot of people happy, and I think it would even make you happy, no matter how scared you are.”

She didn’t have to mention his identity reveal for him to know what she was talking about. It was a topic they rarely discussed, since Alec had made it very clear that he would only show his face to the world once he was ready to deal with the fallout. Not that he thought things would go horribly; he just… needed to be ready.

However, just as they had started working on the spring collection and had realised that it would probably be the biggest and best thing they had ever made, Clary had tentatively suggested that it could be the perfect time for him to announce his position as co-designer. She hadn’t pressured him, hadn’t made him feel like he had to do anything, but the idea had been put out there and he hadn’t been able to get it out of his mind.

After all, she had a point.

“I’ve been thinking about it,” he admitted, fidgeting with his sheets anxiously. “And I mean really thinking. I guess when we started this whole thing, I didn’t even think I would still be a designer by the end of the first year. I thought people would recognise your talent and not care about the guy who helped you with colour theory, and here we are now, and… I know I should tell the world eventually. I know this isn’t something I can keep a secret forever, because I’d really rather not deal with a leak once we accidentally tell someone who isn’t completely trustworthy.”

“So you want to do it?” Clary asked him, sounding like she was swallowing back her hopefulness and excitement and joy.

If Alec hadn’t already decided to do something during the spring collection fashion show, he certainly would have after seeing how eager his partner in crime was to share him with the world.

“Yes, Red, I want to do it,” he sighed heavily as his best friend squealed loudly, cheered, and jumped on top of him, sending them sprawling on top of his bed. “But if we’re going to do this, we’re going to do it right. We need to make sure the people at the show won’t attack me or bombard me with questions, and we need to make sure the uninformed members of the fashion team are told at least a week before the event.”

“Oh, true,” Clary grimaced. “Good thinking, Lightwood. Now, do you want to talk about this now, or did you have something else in mind? Don’t think I didn’t notice all the cookies you baked earlier, and don’t even try to blame this on my date with Isabelle. Something’s going on with Magnus and you, and as much as I want to quiz you on the fashion show, I have a feeling your relationship issues are a lot more urgent.”

“There are no relationship issues,” Alec scoffed. “Magnus and I are doing great, taking things slow, going with the flow…”

“Oh my god, you sound pathetically desperate,” Clary snickered, patting his shoulder comfortingly. “If it makes you feel any better, I haven’t kissed Isabelle either. But if you really want to move things along with Magnus, you could always just… talk to him about it? I’m sure he’s just as eager to get his hands on you as you are.”

“Yeah, well, I thought maybe we could talk about it this evening, but we’re taking his goddaughter out with us, so it’s probably not the best time to talk about our relationship in great detail,” Alec pouted, although he was still screaming joyfully on the inside at the thought of Magnus introducing him to his family. “I’m hoping we’ll be able to go back to my house afterwards and have a serious conversation.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Clary nodded, looking vaguely impressed. “But don’t think I didn’t notice that you kept this a secret from me, Lightwood. His goddaughter, seriously?! Isn’t that a big deal?”

“Maybe?” Alec shrugged, trying his best not to look as worried as he felt. “He loves her a lot, and I know he’s very important to her too, so I need to make the best first impression. And if I’m meeting the infamous Madzie, I’m probably also going to run into her mother, who happens to be Magnus’ best friend and sister in all but blood.”

“Ah, you’re meeting his Clary,” the redhead hummed. “Don’t worry about it too much; my first impression of Magnus was a job interview, and my second was a slightly disastrous conversation, so you can’t get much worse than that. Besides, his best friend would be a fool not to love you. You’re awesome, Alec.”

“Such glowing praise,” Alec snorted. “But thank you, Red. Now, are you going to get rid of some of these outfits so I can get ready, or are you going to abandon me in favour of my cookies?”

“See, I would love to stay and help,” Clary started, slinking off the bed and slowly backing towards Alec’s living room. “Seriously, I’d love to help you clean everything up, but those cookies have been calling me for hours. Also, we just had a really taxing conversation about my relationship with Isabelle, so I could really use the mental support.”

“You’re the worst!” Alec called out, but Clary was already gone, cackling wildly at his predicament.

He sighed heavily, glaring at the pile of clothes, but set to work without wasting any more time than they already had thanks to Clary’s impromptu closet-shopping spree. As much as he would have loved to track his best friend down and make her deal with her own messes, he had a date to get ready for, and a goddaughter to impress.

He couldn’t afford to be anything less than perfect.

***

Catarina Loss was an intimidating woman.

Alec wasn’t sure what he had been expecting from Magnus’ best friend, but maybe he shouldn’t have been so surprised to find out that she was a bold, independent woman who seemed to care for Magnus fiercely and love her daughter even more than that.

“Madzie means the world to me, Mister Lightwood,” she told him as soon as the introductions had been taken care of. “She’s my light and, although I trust Magnus with her life, I don’t know you well enough for that. But just so you know, I won’t hesitate to ruin you if you hurt her. I’m trusting the both of you with her welfare for the night, which means you’re just as responsible for her as Magnus is.”

Alec hoped the panicked glance he sent his boyfriend’s way was enough to summarise the utter terror he felt at the thought of being responsible for someone as small as Madzie.

He had always loved kids, and he knew he wasn’t bad at taking care of them, but there was a huge different between babysitting his brother when his parents had been too busy and entertaining his boyfriend’s goddaughter on the night they were supposed to be out on a date.

 “I promise I’ll try my best to keep her safe,” Alec said as confidently as he could muster. “And please, feel free to call me Alec. I hear enough of the Mister Lightwood nonsense when I’m at work. Besides, friends should call each other by their first name, right?”

Oh god, he was pathetic. Was there any way he could have made his nervousness more obvious than that? He was all but begging the woman to be his friend, and he was pretty sure Isabelle would have been shaking his head at him exasperatedly if she were around.

“Alright, Alec,” Catarina said, a small smile twitching at her lips. “And take care of Magnus too, okay? I know he’s been working harder than ever to keep on top of both the media and the fashion team, so he deserves a relaxing evening out. And remember, I need Madzie back at the apartment by nine, or she’s going to get cranky and absolutely ruin children for you.”

“’m not cranky,” the seven-year-old pouted from her spot besides Magnus. “I just get tired.”

“Yes, sweetie, I know,” Catarina chuckled, pressing a soft kiss to the top of her daughter’s head before turning her serious stare back on Alec and Magnus. “Remember, I want her back healthy and happy. And please try not to scar her for life with whatever is going on with your relationship right now. She’s a child and really doesn’t need to see two grown men making out in front of her.”

“Cat!”

“We’re not- I mean- We-”

“Oh, I know what you have and haven’t done, Alec,” Catarina grinned mischievously, winking at her best friend when Magnus let out a low groan. “Now, have fun, I have to get back to work. If I’m not home by the time you get there, feel free to put her to bed. You still have my spare set of keys, right?” Magnus nodded, and the woman clapped her hands together once, ruffling her daughter’s hair one last time before turning back towards the hospital. “Have fun!”

She was gone less than a minute later, and Alec finally felt like he could breathe again. He hadn’t realised how stressed her presence had made him until she was gone, and he didn’t know whether to be embarrassed that Magnus was around to witness his slight meltdown, or just relieved that he had survived his first encounter with his boyfriend’s best friend.

“That could have gone better,” Magnus sighed, taking Madzie’s hand and gently steering the three of them towards his car. “I’m sorry, Catarina can be a little intense sometimes, especially when it comes to the people I date. I’ve had a few bad experiences and she just wants to make sure none of them happen again, if you know what I mean.”

“Yeah,” Alec breathed out, thinking about his own rocky relationship history. “Yeah, I get it. And don’t worry, I think it could have gone a lot worse than that, and I’ll have plenty of time to woo your friends in the future. Besides, I already have Raphael on my side, so I’m sure I’ll manage to worm my way into their hearts sooner rather than later.”

Magnus stared at him strangely for a second, and Alec cursed himself internally for his presumptuousness. They hadn’t even kissed yet, and there he was talking about their future together and merging their friends into one big friend group. He had really forgotten what dating was like over the past few years.

“Right,” he chuckled awkwardly, clearing his throat and turning to look at Madzie, whom Magnus had deposited in the back of his car. The little girl had barely spoken two words to Alec since he had met her, but she also didn’t look terrified or angry, so he would count it as a win. “So, Madzie, what would you like to do this afternoon?”

“Can we go to the aqua-”

“The aquarium?” Magnus cut her off, his voice bordering on a whine. Alec had to bit down on his bottom lip to stop himself from laughing at his boyfriend’s put-upon frown. “Madzie, we go to the aquarium every time I have a day off. Why don’t we try something new this time? I’m sure the last thing Alec wants to do is spend his afternoon at an aquarium he’s probably been to dozens of time before. We could got to the park, or to a museum, or to that bookstore your mom told me about…”

The journalist sent a pleading look in Alec’s direction and, as much as Alec wanted to please Madzie, he wanted to please Magnus even more. If his boyfriend didn’t want to go to the aquarium, then they wouldn’t go to the aquarium. Luckily for Madzie, though, Alec was a master of compromise.

“Hey Madzie, what would you say if I told you I knew a place with hundreds of fishes that’s even better than the aquarium?” Alec asked innocently, smirking when Madzie immediately took the bait and lit up excitedly.

“You know a place that’s even cooler than the aquarium?” The little girl gaped. “Do you like fish too? Is that why you know all about the best places in the city? Because mom says a lot of people don’t like fish as much as I do, which is stupid because fish are the best animal in the whole world.”

“Ah, well, can’t argue with that,” Alec chuckled. “But yes, I do know a place like that. Tell me, Madzie, how do you feel about the sea?”

Magnus’ eyes widened comically as he shook his head at Alec, but Madzie was already bouncing up and down in her seat, babbling about the time when Catarina had taken her to a beach after teaching her how to swim. Alec dutifully listened to her ramble as he put a new address into Magnus’ GPS, winking at his boyfriend when the man glared at him mutinously.

“She’s never going to want to leave,” Magnus groaned quietly as Madzie sang along to the Little Mermaid CD Alec had unearthed from underneath the passenger seat. “And then she’s going to beg Catarina to take her back, and I’m going to get yelled at repeatedly for taking her to the sea. You can’t just take fish-obsessed little girls to the sea, Alec!”

“I don’t know,” Alec shrugged, grinning unrepentantly. “She looks pretty happy to me, and I seem to remember Catarina telling us to keep her happy. However, if you’d rather just go to the aquarium and admire all the beautiful sea creatures over there…”

“Don’t you dare,” Magnus growled. “God, I should have known you would hit it off with my goddaughter and proceed to make my life a living hell. You’re lucky the two of you are cute, Alexander, because I would have thrown you out of the car otherwise.”

“No you wouldn’t have,” Alec snorted. “But either way, it’s too late to go to the aquarium now. I’m quite certain Madzie would never forgive us if we didn’t take her to the sea. And look, I’m sure it won’t be as bad as you’re making it out to be. We’re going to have a great time on the pier, we’ll walk for a while, give her some ice cream, buy a light dinner, and then take her back home before her bedtime. And after that…”

He cut himself off with a shrug, but he knew Magnus had caught his meaning even without hearing him say the words out loud. The man nodded slowly, sighed as he looked at his ecstatic goddaughter in the rear view mirror, and pressed down on the accelerator, sending them zooming towards the sea.

They made it to the pier in record time and, despite Magnus’ worry over the whole thing, Alec thought their evening turned out rather perfectly. Madzie rattled off facts about fish and was perfectly content to stare at the sea for minutes on end, trying to catch a glimpse of some sort of living creature. She had ice cream and couldn’t stop running around for a solid hour, but she calmed down before dinner and didn’t throw a tantrum when Alec announced it was time for them to go home.

Or at least, he thought she hadn’t thrown a tantrum.

“But I forgot my cardigan,” she cried loudly as soon as Magnus tried to nudge her towards the car. “I can’t go home without my cardigan, so we can’t go home at all!”

It was fine. They found the cardigan in less than ten minutes, since they had only forgotten it on a bench nearby, and then they were ready to go. Alec climbed into the car, watched as Magnus gently pushed Madzie in the vehicle’s direction, and then…

“I lost my bracelet!” Madzie wailed.

It took Magnus and Alec less than a second to understand what was going on, and Alec couldn’t say that he necessarily appreciated Magnus’ ‘I told you so’ glance. Nonetheless, they both set off to find Madzie’s bracelet, and ended up having to replace it when it became obvious that the object had been well and truly lost.

By the time they got back to the car, forty minutes had passed since they had first tried to get Madzie home. Magnus looked like he was seconds away from smashing his head against the steering wheel, and Madzie was becoming crankier by the second. Overall, not the nice end to the evening Alec had had in mind.

However, never let it be said that Alec Lightwood was a quitter, especially not when it came to things he cared about – in this case, Magnus Bane and his mostly adorable goddaughter. They were both obviously annoyed at each other, and maybe even a little bit at Alec, but it didn’t matter. Alec had the best recipe for cheering people up, and he didn’t need anything other than himself and a somewhat-attentive audience.

There was a good chance he would regret his actions later, once Magnus and he were alone, but he really couldn’t find it in himself to care quite yet. Right now, the only person he needed to impress was Madzie.

So, without further ado, Alec sang the opening line to ‘Under the Sea’, trying his best not to blush at Magnus’ surprised stare. Isabelle was a great singer, just like their dad, but Alec hadn’t inherited that particular gene. He couldn’t sing if his life depended on it, he knew that, but he also knew that bad singing didn’t matter to kids.

They wanted entertainment, something fun that they were familiar with, and Alec could provide her with just that. They had already listened to the CD on the way there, so he knew putting it back on wouldn’t result in much, but a live rendition of Ariel’s songs? It caught Madzie’s attention in less than thirty seconds, and the little girl was giggling madly by the time Alec finished his first song.

He had messed up more than half the lyrics, had changed key at least three times, and was pretty sure he couldn’t get redder if he tried, but Magnus and Madzie were both grinning at him, laughing at his lack of talent, and that was more than enough for him.

He got through six different Disney songs before they finally reached the apartment and was glad he had settled on a soft rendition of ‘A dream is a wish your heart makes’ at the end. Madzie had fallen asleep two thirds of the way through the song, and all Magnus had to do was lift her up gently and carry her up the stairs, no bedtime story needed.

Alec watched from the girl’s doorway as Magnus tucked her in and kissed her forehead lightly, his heart swelling with happiness and a familiar feeling he was trying his best to ignore – for now, at least.

“You really are good with children,” Magnus murmured a few minutes later, once they had dug out the wine glasses and a nice bottle of Chardonnay and had sprawled themselves out on Catarina’s couch. “I thought Raphael might have been making things up, but you handled her like a pro. I still think taking her to the pier was a risky idea, but I suppose she did have fun, so I can’t complain too much.”

“Oh, don’t act like you didn’t like it as well,” Alec rolled his eyes, pointing at Magnus accusingly. “I saw you sit next her to stare at the water whilst I went to get her ice cream, and you seemed to be having a wonderful time.”

“Yeah, well…” Magnus said sheepishly. “I always have a wonderful time when she’s around, and an even better time when you’re there, so this was really all win for me. You could have taken me to a college lecture and I would have probably been satisfied.”

“That’s just sad,” Alec snickered. “I mean, really? A college lecture? I can’t think of a single place I hate more than those damned lecture halls. And don’t even try to make me believe you had an amazing college experience and loved every second of it, because we both know that would be a lie.”

“I did have an amazing college experience,” Magnus scoffed, his eyes alight with mirth and happiness. “But I suppose my lectures had very little to do with that, in the grand scheme of things. At the end of the day, it had nothing to do with the place, and everything to do with the people, if you know what I mean?”

“Yeah,” Alec breathed out, staring straight at Magnus. “Yeah, I do know what you mean.”

Magnus’ breath hitched, and it took Alec all of his self-control not to kiss the man right there and then. He knew his boyfriend wouldn’t object, knew they had already been taking things ridiculously slowly compared to most couples their age, but he just wasn’t sure if this was the right time for their first kiss. Could they really do something like that with Madzie less than ten feet away from them?

“Alexander, please stop thinking so much,” Magnus whispered, leaning in towards Alec and letting his gaze drop to Alec’s lips pointedly. “There is no perfect time, so please just kiss me already.”

And who was Alec to refuse such a tempting offer?

He kissed Magnus the way he had been dreaming of doing ever since the two of them had started dating. He cupped the other man’s face, let his fingers caress Magnus’ cheeks, and pressed their lips together softly, then softly again, and then not softly at all.

He had forgotten how good it felt to kiss another person. He had forgotten how warm the feeling was, how easy it was to nip at his boyfriend’s bottom lip until his mouth parted slightly. He had forgotten how heady the feeling of his tongue sliding against someone else’s could be, and he gulped in the taste of Magnus greedily as he acquainted himself with the man’s mouth and body.

He didn’t kiss him like a starving man, but it was a damned near thing. The only reason he wasn’t already straddling Magnus was because he was painfully aware of the little girl sleeping in the bedroom behind them. If Madzie hadn’t been there, Alec was pretty sure he and Magnus would have done a lot more than kiss, if only to make up for how slowly they had been taking things until then.

When they pulled away, though, Alec couldn’t regret his actions or how long it had taken them to get there at all. Magnus looked utterly debauched, and absolutely delighted, and Alec couldn’t help but smile into their next kiss, feeling unreasonably fond of his boyfriend.

And as Magnus grinned against him too, rendering their kiss mostly useless, Alec realised it would be all too easy to fall in love with Magnus Bane.

(He realised he was halfway there already.)

[lolabean1998]

This Better Work Part 3

Sweet Pea X OC

Summery; Hey guys, not sure how well this is going to go but I originally put it on Wattpad so its way long, but hopefully its not horrendous. Let me know what you think! So, it follows the story line kind of, it’s not exact but I have tried and it follows my OC Ali as she navigates through the hell that is Riverdale. Whilst struggling with financial, social and romantic difficulties, she has the added pressure of keeping up with school work and bonus of being thrown into the frightening world of the criminal underground.

Side Note; None of the gifs or pictures I use are mine, I’m not talented or smart enough to even begin an attempt at making my own. Thank you to those who have such abilities and if you don’t want me using them then please let me know so I can remove them for you. 

Word Count;  4,525 (Give or Take)

Masterlist   Part-1   Part-2

The next couple of weeks were filled with Black Hood scares, investigations and lots of homework. Ali had somehow managed to maintain her usual workload. Whilst balancing her free time between helping Betty investigate the Black Hood and aiding Cheryl in coping with the horror of living with her mother.

"So, Ali. Are you able to make some time in your busy schedule to come to the little soiree I'm holding tonight?" Veronica asked as the girls made their way to cafeteria for lunch.

"I'd love to Ronnie, but I have so much homework to catch up on and I promised Izzy I'd take her to her friends house for a sleep over." Ali apologized. "But I'll be coming to the open house thingy." Ali promised with her signature, unbreakable smile.

"Ok, I guess since you have SUCH a busy schedule and you have managed to squeeze in the MAIN event, I can let you off the hook." Veronica exaggerated playfully as they took their seats either side of Archie. 

"Hey Arch, you looking forward to the party tonight?" Ali asked politely pulling a large box of pasta salad from her bag and digging in. Archie and Veronica watched in amazement as she began to inhale her food. 

"What? I'm hungry, Don't Judge Me." Ali defended innocently, her stomach growling angrily as she spoke. 

"See" She cried pointing to her well-toned stomach.

"It's just amazing how such a tiny girl can eat so much!" Archie chuckled shaking his head. Betty sat opposite Ali as Archie spoke, a grim look holding her delicate features hostage.

"Hey Betty, you ok?" Ali asked through a mouthful of pasta. Frowning when Betty nodded giving her a false smile. Ali knew she had been under a lot of pressure with the Black Hood lately. But something had clearly changed for the worse. 

"Can we talk? I need to run something by you about the Blue and Gold if that's ok?" Ali improvised thinking quick on her feet.

"Uh yeah sure shall we go there now while you have some free time?" Betty suggested knowing how busy Ali was. Ali nodded packing away the rest of her food and jumping to her feet. Linking arms with Betty as they made their way to the room for the Blue and Gold.

"So, you want to tell me what's bugging you?" Ali asked as they entered the small room, closing the door behind her and perching on the edge of a desk giving her blonde-haired friend a concerned look. 

"Come on Betty you can tell me anything. I'm hardly one to judge. You of all people should know that." Ali smiled straightening out the light grey vest she wore under a baggy cream cardigan, her ripped, pale blue skinny jeans showing off her muscular legs.

"It's the Black Hood. He's been contacting me. Threatening to hurt my friends if I don't do what he tells me." Betty sighed looking down at her feet, rubbing her arm as she spoke. 

"He says I have to sever all ties with my friends, or he'll do it his way." Betty looked as if she was about to burst into tears, causing Ali to leap off the desk pulling her friend into a bear hug.

"No matter what happens. No matter what you do. I will always be here for you. Let him try and come after me. See what happens. I didn't take 12 years of MMA classes for nothing." Ali comforted her friend, talking into her jumper as she spoke. Betty pulled away wiping a tear from her eye.

"Ali I can't put you or anyone else in that kind of danger. I just don't know what to do any more. He wants me to destroy my friendship with V." She sobbed leaning back on the desk behind her.

"If he's threatening V then she'll understand. For now, I think you should do as he says. He's a wild card Betty and I don't want you getting hurt. As far as everyone is concerned, we had an argument and are no longer friends. The only time we talk is when we're working on the Blue and Gold or you're helping me in the garage on a school project for extra credit." Ali planned taking control of the situation for Betty. She clearly needed the support. 

"Everyone knows I'm crazy hard working and friendly to everyone, so it won't raise any suspicions. If the Black Hood does see through our smoke screen. Let him come after me. I have both Malachi and the Serpents protection. I'm covered." Ali winked, she made sure she covered all basis when she put a plan together. Betty stared at her in shock and curiosity when she mentioned Malachi and the Serpents.

"Who's Malachi?" She questioned tilting her head slightly, her eyebrows knitted into a puzzled frown as she crossed her arms. 

"Oh, Ghoulies leader. I'm the only one that does a good enough paint job apparently." Ali answered brushing it off casually. Betty's face dropped at her statement. "What?" Ali frowned defensively.

"You're insane. You've gone completely mental. Ali you can't be friends with 2 rival gangs. Its going to end in mayhem." Betty declared.

"I'm not. I'm friends with the Serpents and the LEADER of the rival gang. If it ever came down to it Malachi would turn me to the hounds without a second thought. The Serpents however have taken us under their wing. They would never betray us." Ali explained like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Betty nodded slowly as she wrapped her head around it when the bell rang signalling the end of lunch. 

"Care to walk with me to chemistry?" Ali asked offering her arm. 

The day of the open house was a rush of last-minute preparations. Ali had dropped Izzy off at the Lodges place early so she could get ready with Veronica. Whilst Ali whizzed round on her bike picking up some last-minute things.

"Thank you for helping on such short notice Ali. I hope it wasn't too much trouble." Hiram Lodge thanked Ali as she handed him the box of expensive champagne.

"Oh, not at all. Always happy to help. I hope Izzy hasn't been too much trouble." Ali smiled politely, following the man inside to be greeted by Hermione Lodge, Izzy and Veronica who were all sat on Veronica's bed getting ready.

"She's been a star helping us get ready. Thank you, Ali." Hermione Lodge answered looking up from styling Izzy's hair. She had put it up in a very stylish fish tail plait with a few loose strands curled to frame her face, she wore a pale blue dress that ended just below her knees matched with an adorable pair of silver ballet flats. 

"Why don't you jump in the shower whilst we finish up here. Then we can help you get ready on time." Veronica suggested pointing towards the door to the bathroom. Ali smiled giving her a salute as she bounced into the bathroom. 

After a quick shower and being prodded and poked as the girls styled her hair and did her make up Ali was finally ready. Her hair had been curled and pinned to the side, so it fell elegantly over her shoulder. Showing off the black, backless, halter neck dress she wore with a pair of red ribbon heels. Veronica had given her subtle smoky eyes and classic red lips to match the red nail varnish on her surprisingly well-maintained fingers.

"Ali you look amazing!" Izzy beamed looking up at her sister. The girls all stood back to admire their handy work only to be interrupted by Hiram Lodge, who had knocked on the door to tell them their car was waiting down stairs.

"Now are you sure you'll be ok riding you're bike to the venue. I don't want you crashing and ruining your dress." Veronica teased as Ali swung herself onto her bike carefully tucking her hair into her helmet so it wouldn't get ruined.

"I'm sure V. I'll be fine besides, I can't turn up to the ball without a date and I only have eyes for Harley." Ali smiled brightly patting the handle bars of her bike before speeding down the road towards the Venue.

"You're sisters a crazy person." Veronica whispered to Izzy as they got in the car.

"Now who might you be?" A handsome dark-haired boy addressed Ali, who was stood awkwardly at the side of the large ballroom looking for her little sister.

"Hey, I'm Ali." She smiled offering her hand to shake, containing a cringe as the boy took her hand bringing it to his lips and kissing it. Maintaining eye contact the whole time. "You must be Nick St. Clair, Ronnie's told me so much about you." 

"Good things I hope." He grinned returning Ali's hand.

"There are bad things too? She had me under the impression that you were a good boy!" Ali replied, smiling her cheeky bright smile.

"You know, several people have warned me about you Ali Masters. You and your contagious smile but I had no idea it was so hypnotizing." He flirted stepping a little closer. He had that aura about him that sent the hairs on Ali's neck standing on end. He reminded her of Malachi, the way he looked at her like a meal or chew toy. 

"Care for a drink?" He offered calling over one of the waiters with a hand signal.

"A drink sounds pretty good right now. I'm not used to being quite so dressed up. I feel like I'm on display." Ali joked, although she was being very serious. Nick handed her a drink smiling innocently at her. She knew that smile all too well. She had used that smile plenty of times herself. It was the innocent smile of trouble. 

"Thank you but I don't trust drinks handed to me by strangers. I hope you don't take offence to this. But I'd feel much better if I got my own." She smiled apologetically placing the glass on the table and grabbing another glass from a passing waiter.

"By all means, whatever makes you comfortable." Nick replied holding his innocent grin, however there was a glint of disappointment in his eyes. Ali had been stood talking to Nick for a few minutes when Izzy came skipping over looking very pleased with herself. 

"Hey Izzy, what are you so happy about?" Ali grinned looking at her sisters happy face. 

"Oh, Izzy this is Nick St. Clair. Nick this is my little sister Izzy." Ali quickly introduced.

"I just met Mr. and Mrs. St. Clair and they said I looked lovely and that I was one of the nicest girls they'd met." Izzy beamed proudly, making Ali and Nick chuckle.

"And why wouldn't they say that? You're the prettiest girl here." Nick complimented her. 

"Mind if I steal little Izzy here for a dance? I'll be good I promise. Wouldn't want to upset the big sister." He joked waiting for Ali to give him the all clear.

"Hey, it's not me you've got to worry about. I mean sure I'll kick your ass if you hurt or upset her." Ali paused placing a hand on his shoulder and leaning in a little. 

"But who do you think my sparring partner is? I'm not the only Masters with more than one black belt." She winked sending them onto the dance floor. Nicks face turning a slightly paler shade. 

Her phone buzzed with a message from Betty, 'Sending Archie to do it, don't think I can face Juggie.'. 

"Bugger! Betty what have you done?" Ali muttered to herself as she made her way quickly towards Veronica. 

"Ronnie, thank god. Somethings come up that needs my urgent attention. I'll be back as soon as I can, but can you keep an eye on Izzy. She's dancing with Nick for now. Is that ok?" She hurried, Veronica nodded looking over to where Ali was pointing on the dance floor.

"Yeah, no worries I've got this." She confirmed looking a little worried for Ali. 

"Thank you!" Ali called back already jogging to the parking lot where her bike was. Cursing her heels as she went. Throwing her Helmet on as she swung herself onto her bike and speeding off in the direction of Jugheads trailer. 

She came to a swinging halt outside Jugheads trailer just as Archie was storming off. Leaving Jughead a broken shell in front of a young group of Serpents. She heard him yell something to the group. But it was hard to make out what he said with her helmet on. Jumping off her bike she threw her helmet to the ground, sprinting towards to boys. She may not like wearing heels, but she can certainly run in them. This isn't the first crisis to arise during a formal event.

"Juggie, JUGHEAD." She called but he ignored her calls. 

"FORSYTHE PENDLETON JONES THE THIRD DON'T YOU DARE IGNORE ME!" She screamed running over to where he had now stopped. Frozen like a statue. She never used his full name. 

"Another one of your Northsider friends. Oh joy." One of the serpents snarled sarcastically from behind a very angry looking Sweet Pea.

"Shut it snake or I'll turn you into a shoelace." Ali snapped glaring viciously at the group.

"Easy Princess, in case you haven't noticed we out number you 10 to 1." Sweet Pea warned. But Ali was in no mood for playing games.

"Then I suggest you save your selves the humiliation of getting beaten up by a single cheerleader and Shut. Up." She snapped, venom dripping from each word. 

"Don't be rude, give a girl some privacy." She commanded flicking her wrists towards them and pulling Jughead out of earshot. 

Sweet Pea bit his lower lip when he saw her bare back. The way it glowed in the evening sun. There was something about this girl that challenged his control. He'd only seen her a few times since the water fight night. Passing glances when she'd drop by the Wyrm to drop something off for her mother but every time he saw her it felt like his blood turned to pure sunlight.

"Dude you're staring." Fangs muttered under his breath nudging Sweet Pea's side. Pulling him back to Earth and his depressing reality. A girl like that would never fall for a guy like him.

"No I'm not. Shut up Fangs." Sweet Pea growled under his breath.

"Jughead you have to listen to me. Archie went way out of proportion there. She's not breaking up with you. Just... asking for some space. She has some stuff she needs to figure out is all." Ali tried to explain without giving it away. She knew that if he knew the real reason, he would only make things worse for himself. 

"Look Ali I get that you're trying to protect my feelings. But she made it clear when she sent Archie. It's over between us. Now you need to go. You can't be here." He snapped before storming off leaving Ali stood alone by her bike.

"God damn it Jones. I am not wearing the shoes for this." She muttered angrily under her breath. Jogging back over to where the group of Serpents were now trailing off behind Jughead. Ali managed to catch up with the last of the Serpents when one of them stopped, grabbing her wrist and pulling her back.

"Where do you think you're going Princess?" The boy hissed, his grip getting tighter as she tried to pull away.

"I really don't have time for this." Ali sighed feeling very annoyed and a little threatened. She grabbed the boys wrist digging her nails deep into his flesh drawing blood. The boy let out a pained yelp and punched her. He had a strong swing and caught Ali clean on the side of her face causing her to yell out in frustration. Her cry rang clear in Sweet Pea and Fangs ears and the pair immediately bolted to the other side of the trailer to find Ali slamming the boys face hard into her knee. The side of her face bleeding and a bright red hand mark on her wrist. 

"God dammit. I am supposed to be clean and presentable." She growled as she let the boy fall to the floor. Her voice shaking with rage, body slumped against the side of the trailer trying to control her trembling limbs. The boys hurriedly rushed over to her, signalling one of the other Serpents to check on the unconscious boy.

"Ali cat are you ok? What happened?" Fangs asked walking her over to the steps so she could sit down. Sweet Pea following close behind.

"I was trying to get to you so I could make sure Juggie would be ok. That you'd look out for him. But he grabbed me and when I tried to break free, he hit me." Ali choked, fighting back the furious tears that were threatening to ruin her make up. Ali never cried. She never allowed herself the luxury of showing her vulnerable side and she sure as hell wasn't about to let a bunch of Southside Serpents see it. 

"I'm so sorry Fangs. I just got spooked when he grabbed my wrist. Is he ok?" Ali asked with concern, glancing over to the boy who was slowly coming too.

"It's fine Princess. He had it coming any way." Sweet Pea replied. His voice was deep and chalky but something about the way he spoke made Ali feel as though he cared. "What happened to your back? Looks like you got hit hard."

Fangs moved her slightly so he could look. Spotting a pale blue mark the size of a large fist just below the left side of her rib cage. Ali shook her head waving it off. She had calmed down now and just wanted to get cleaned up and go back to the Open house to dance with Izzy.

"Look guys I'm fine it's nothing honestly." She stood up putting her usual bright smile back on and turning to face the pair. 

"Just promise me you'll look after Jughead, I know he's joining the Serpents. Toni told me. I just need to know that he's going to be ok and that someone else has his back as well. Then I can get out of your hair." She begged, her smile as bright and warm as always but her eyes were broken and desperate.

"I promise he'll be ok. Now you better go. Cinderella can't be late for the ball, now can she?" Sweet Pea replied almost smiling. Fangs had to stop his jaw from falling to the ground when Sweet Pea spoke.

"Cute. I'm no Cinderella but thank you." Ali retorted heaving a sigh of relief.

"You sure about that? All work and no play, sounds a lot like you if you ask me!" Sweet Pea remarked raising an eyebrow at her.

"Yeah but I don't need a prince charming to rescue me. Plus, I love my job." Ali called back before disappearing down the road on her bike. 

"Sweet Pea in case you've forgotten. We don't even know if Jones is going to survive tonight." Fangs reminded him as they made their way back to their bikes.

"He'll survive. He doesnt have a choice." Sweet Pea growled determinedly.

Ali arrived back at the open house just in time to catch Veronica, Josie and the Pussy cats performing. She waved at them as she made her way over to her little sister. Izzy looked up at her sister shaking her head and pulling a face wipe from her cream purse and handing it to Ali when she saw the blood on her forehead. 

Ali smiled accepting the wipe and cleaned the blood from her face. Mouthing a "Thank You" to her as she did. Looking back up at the stage she noticed a sudden wave of horror crash over Veronica's face as the girls gaze fell on the exit on the far side of the room. She turned to see what had her friend in such a state. Her heart froze when she saw her best friend looking very limp and out of it being carried by the one and only Nick St Clair.

"Izzy come with me NOW." Ali commanded pointing towards the exit Cheryl had just disappeared through. Izzy didn't even question it. She just followed her sister as she fought her way through the crowds. Bolting towards her bike the minute they were free from the mass of sweaty bodies. Closely followed by Veronica and the girls. Ali threw Izzy the helmet on the handle bar. Since Izzy had come by car her own helmet was still at the Pembroke. But Izzy's safety was far more important than her own. 

The girls flew down the road towards Nick's hotel skidding to a sliding halt and tearing into the building. Veronica and the girls hot on their heels. Ali's heart was racing a million miles an hour as she charged up the stairs. She knew that even in heels she was faster than the elevator. Cheryl was her closest and best friend in all the world if anything happened to her there would be hell to pay. Ali's wrath would put God AND Satan to shame. Veronica  was well aware of this as she bolted to Nick's room. She had to stop Ali from killing him. Even if he did deserve it. 

Ali slammed into the door but it was locked. Josie and Izzy quickly began looking for a way in. But Ali was already seeing red. With one ferocious kick she sent the door flying, splinters of wood soaring everywhere. 

Even in heels Ali put most men to shame when it came to kicking doors down. The girls were impressed. They crashed into the room tearing through it to Nicks bedroom. Where Ali found him stripping himself of his blazer and climbing on top of a very unconscious Cheryl. Ali wasted no time in throwing him to the ground. 

Dragging him to the next room before proceeding to punch him relentlessly. Blood covering her knuckles as she pounded his once handsome face with the wooden knuckle duster hair slide she always wore. Josie, Melody and Valerie struggled to drag Ali from the boy with the help of Izzy, who held her in a firm headlock. They were almost certain if she'd carried on, she'd have killed him. Veronica sat beside Cheryl checking her over. Wrapping her in a blanket as she slowly came too.

Izzy had managed to drag Ali outside the hotel room and was now struggling to hold her down. The others had left her with Ali so they could kick Nick in the balls several times for good measure. Ali's eyes had turned terrifyingly dark and she was becoming increasingly stronger by the second.

"Ronnie I can't hold her much longer!" Izzy shouted her voice wavering with fear of what her sister might do if she got free. 

"RONNIE SHE'S GETTING LOOSE!" Izzy screamed desperately pinning her sisters hands between her shoulder blades. Gripping as hard as she could with her knees as she sat on her sisters back holding her down. Josie ran out leaping down to pin Ali's inhumanly strong legs down whilst Veronica called the only person she could think of, Sheriff Keller. Within minutes of her hanging up there was the familiar sound of police sirens outside and Sheriff Keller bolted up the stairs followed by 2 of his strongest Deputies.

"Be careful with her. The only reason she's still down is because that's her sister holding her. If it was anyone else, I dread to think what she'd have done." Sheriff Keller warned as the deputies made their way hurriedly over to the girl on the floor. Flinching at every growling roar she let out. It wasn't the first time she'd been put in a holding cell to cool down. It was a rare occurrence that she lost her temper as savagely as this. Thankfully for the Sheriff it had only happened once before. However, to this day no one knows the full story behind what provoked such a full-blown flick of the switch. She had been found covered in blood sprinting down the road leading to Riverdale from Greendale barefoot. 

"She's not in trouble, is she? I just didn't know what else to do." Veronica panicked watching as the men struggled to control Ali who was now handcuffed and being dragged down the stairs as she fought to get back to Nick and finish what she started. 

"No, she's not in trouble. She'll stay in a holding cell for the night until she's cooled off and I'll deal with this mess tomorrow. For now though, I need to make sure my men aren't mauled to death getting her there. Is that ok? One of my deputies will be here in a minute to take statements and what have you." Sheriff Keller answered looking worriedly towards the staircase Ali had vanished down.

"I understand Sheriff Keller, we've got it here. Thank you for coming so quickly. I don't know what we'd have done if you hadn't arrived when you did." Veronica admitted before turning and making her way back to Cheryl leaving Sheriff Keller to deal with Ali.

The journey to the station was short but eventful. Ali had spent the whole journey trying to kick through the windows. It was well past midnight and apart from the occasional drunken ramblings, the station was surprisingly quiet. Until Ali arrived. 

The moment she felt the grip of one of her escorts loosen on her arm, she swung herself up wrapping her legs around the guys throat heaving him to the ground with a loud thud. Sweeping the legs from underneath her second escort as she spun herself back to her feet ready to take on the three officers charging towards her. Completely unaware of the pair of eyes watching from the shadows in a nearby cell. Ali was quick to jump on the shoulders of the first officer using the wall to launch herself higher, swinging herself down slamming the man, beer belly first to the floor. Before leaping up to kick the second man clean in the chest sending him crashing against the wall and head butting the woman behind him as he fell.

"Ali I'm sorry but you leave me no choice!" Sheriff Keller called apologetically before aiming his taser and firing at Ali who released a groan as she stumbled to the ground. Fighting the unbearable electric pulses with all her might. Once the Sheriff was sure she was completely out he quickly picked her up carrying her to the nearest empty cell and placing her carefully on the bench. Throwing a small blanket over her and a lumpy pillow under her head. 

"That was some fight you put up there!" An impressed voice applauded when Ali's eyes finally started to flutter open.

"Do you have to be so loud? I just got tazed in the ass and hit my head on the way down. I'm in enough pain without listening to your dumbass comments." Ali groaned covering her head with the scratchy blanket she had covering her.

"All I'm saying is those guys didn't stand a chance against you. Keller didn't even try he just pulled the taser out." The voice continued sounding amazed by Ali's performance.

"You, my friend, are a Master of the fucking obvious." Ali stated, drawing out the sentence to make sure they heard each and every syllable. Her strong English accent ring clear a whistle as she spoke.

"Easy tiger. It's not very often I dish out compliments." The voice chuckled. 

"What's a Northside Princess such as yourself, doing in a jail cell anyway? Shouldn't you be dancing the night away with Prince Charming?" The moment Ali heard those words she knew exactly who was talking.

"Oh god! I should've known it was you. Aren't you supposed to be doing some weird boy scouts initiation for Jug?" Ali groaned turning on her side to try and get comfortable.

"Got caught fighting after initiation." Sweet Pea replied nonchalantly.

"Well that was stupid. What did the guy do to warrant that?" Ali asked still trying to get comfortable but failing miserably with the pillow.

"He was disrespectful to a friend and then accused me of going soft. So, I proved him wrong. What's got you all riled up anyway?" Sweet Pea asked moving to lean against the bars separating the two cells.

"But you are soft. I can't see why Fangs would require a marshmallow to stand up for him." Ali answered, her voice deep and croaky from all the screaming she had done earlier. Making it worse as she sat up to try to mould her pillow into some form of comfortable shape.

"It wasn't Fangs I was defending and I'm not soft." Sweet Pea replied shortly watching as the girl struggled to get comfortable. "You haven't answered my question."

"Oh please, you're softer than puppies. Also, Toni can fight her own battles. So, why'd you step in?" Ali snorted slumping back against the wall finally giving up all hope of ever getting any sleep.

"Try this and answer the question Princess." Sweet Pea instructed taking off his Serpent jacket and folding it up before passing it through the bars of his cell to Ali. Ali gave the boy a confused look but accepted the jacket without hesitation after a stern glare from Sweet Pea.

"One of Veronicas old New York pals, Nick St. Clair, drugged my best friend and tried having his way with her. We got there just in time to stop it but barely." Ali reported emotionlessly. Lying back down using the perfectly folded jacket as a pillow, which was considerably comfier than the actual pillow. Sweet Pea could sense there was something behind her lack of emotions. Something about her body language and the way she spoke told him she was hiding something. Not from him, from herself. 

"Do you want the pillow? Its a piece of crap but its the least I can do." Ali offered pushing the pillow through the bars as she spoke. Sweet Pea nodded in thanks folding up the pillow and getting comfortable on the floor along the partitioning bars.

"Sounds like that Nick guy is a piece of work. You get any good hits in before they hauled your ass here?" Sweet Pea asked staring up at the ceiling, his eyes half shut.

"Not enough." Ali yawned, rapidly dropping off to sleep. A blanket of warmth wrapped around her as she inhaled the sweet scent of engine oil, leather and liquor from the jacket beneath her tired head. 

"Good night Princess." Sweet Pea muttered before closing his eyes and allowing himself to drift off to sleep.

[awrestlinggirlwholoves80sbands]

I’m going to be at your side Chapter 3

Chapter 1 

Chapter 2

A/N: English is not my first language so please feel free to correct me. Also first time writing Slaxl.

TW: past abuse and mentions of suicide attempt

Axl was enjoying the silence that sleep brought him : only in those moments he could stop worrying about everything, shut the voices in his head and block the terrible memories. But he didn’t considered  the nightmares. Stupid fucking nightmares that came back to haunt him randomly, making him almost believe that  he could have escaped from them.

It was so ironic how his mind could perfectly reproduce his traumatic experience, even the smallest details that he swore have forgot.

He was barley eleven listening rock music in his room. He knew that he shouldn’t have done that, but there was nobody at home so nothing could happen, right? And music was my only escape.

Wrong. He was always so wrong in all his life, at every age.

Suddenly he heard  that the door was unlocked and he tried as quickly as he could to turn off the music :maybe it was only his mum but better be safe than sorry. Or better be safe then dead on the floor. But when the footsteps were getting closer and closer to his door, he knew he was screwed; there was never a way to get out, he was trapped in those  damn walls everytime.

He could remember how when the door swung open he always smellt two thing: cigarette and tons of cologne to cover it. He still remember how he could recognize the sound of Stephan’s walk or the taste of blood in his mouth; but the sight was the worst, because he can pinpoint every movement his stepfather made.

Still to this day he hates his mind for remembering all of those details and flashing them to him in the craziest way. He hates how it takes a single sound, image or even smell to take him back there, to hell.

He couldn’t do nothing but jumping at the suddenly noise. He knew that showing his weakness meant a worse beating, but he was just a child.

“How many times I’ve told you to not listen to this demoniac music?” he screamed everytime. Or if it was not the music, it was his behavior; anything was wrong with him not matter what and he still believes that to this day.

“I-I’m s-sorry, s-sir” he replied because fighting back would have meant more pain.

Then Stephan closed his hand on his wrist and dragged him away from his room; the feeling of the hands on his wrist, how he could feel his bones almost break due the strong grip, still makes him shake. He would always take him to a dark closet, so nobody could have seen him. Nobody but God. But Stephan always thought his son  was bad inside and that he was doing what God wanted, so it didn’t matter.

Sometimes the impact with the floor made him stopping breathing; but that was just the beginning.

Fists, kicks, slaps and every other thing is meant to cause pain was thrown. That time he thought he could have died because he was going on forever and there was no way in hell that his body could take that much; but eventually he stopped and Axl survived.

That was the key word: surviving, not living. Because he had forgotten what meant actually leaving long ago and he just tried to keep himself live to find that meaning back. Until the night before  when he gave up.

But there was also screams. So many loud screams that made him flinch and that always will; screams full of insults and treats almost as painful as the beatings. He would begged him to stop in his mind, too scare to say that out loud.

Axl’s eyes snapped open while the screams were still echoing in his ears. His heart was beating so fast he thought that it could just break his chest. He felt like something was sucking all the air in his lungs and he could feel something soft in his hands : Slash was sleeping, his head resting on the side of the bed, his curly hair in Axl’s hands. Confused he looked around and saw all the sheets tangled; he must have turned a lot in his sleep.

He wanted almost to laugh about how the guitarist was still sleeping even if he could hear his own breathing getting faster and loud at every second and his body trembling so much that the bed was starting to shake; he was just having a panic attack but he didn’t want to wake up the other man because he knew that he had to be exhausted due what he did last night.

So many thoughts were floating in his mind and he started thinking that he would have died there or at least losing all the little control he had. He always found a way to fuck things up, even when he had just survived a suicide attempt and now Slash would have woke up and saw the real Axl, the crazy one that is always there but nobody wants to see.

He closed his eyes but he could hear a voice far away.

“Axl, Axl Just calm down. C’mon breathe with me” the voice said and he sounded just like Slash. But he couldn’t look, he couldn’t do anything.

Slash decided to go right in front of the redhead singer when he saw that he was not responding; he knew that the other man was having an hell of a panic attack. He took Axl's hand in his and squeezed it, trying to let Axl know  that he was here and to help him grounding.

“Ax, hey can you look at me, please?” Slash mumbled, careful to not raise his voice.

Axl slowly lifted his head and looked Slash in the eyes : Saul could see the tears stained Axl’s cheeks and his lips quacking while he continued to trembling and crying, his breathing still irregular.

“Can-can I hug you?” Slash asked softly and Axl wanted so much to say no because he didn't want to be this weak in front of his Slash, he didn’t want to be a fucking tragedy but he felt like he was falling into pieces and only the guitarist could have kept him together; so the decided to nod.

Slash took him into his arms and started to rubbed his back with one hand while with the other he continued to hold Axl’s one.

“Everything you saw was not real. You are not there, I’m here with you and nothing is going to hurt you” Slash said trying to calm the redhead.

“It’s real. He was there, he’s going to find me, to hurt me” Axl continued to whisper and the guitarist understood that whatever Axl dreamt about was not a nightmare but rather a memory.

“He not going to hurt you anymore, I swear Axl. He has to pass on my dead body before he could lay a finger on you.” Slash said trying to sound convincing but also calm and sweet.

“Why are you doing this? First you save me when I told you I didn’t want it and now this. Why?” Axl asked still sobbing.

“Because I care about you, I could never let you die!” Slash said biting his lips to try to not sound angry or to raise his voice.

“But why do you care about me? I’m such... s-such a b-burd-den to everybody, how can you…” Axl stopped trying to fight the tears.

“Because I love you “ Slash said and as soon as the words came out of his mouth, he covered it with an hand. Fuck Slash, you stupid fucker. How can you have just told him that in this situation? He has already enough shit to deal with and now you’re just adding more.

Saul continued to curse himself internally: you can’t profess your undying love to your best friend who is currently lying on an hospital bad because he tried to kill himself and after he had a panic attack. What kind of monster was he? Now he just made Axl even more confused and terrorized. He did exactly the opposite of what Izzy have told him not to do.

On the other hand, Axl looked at the other man completely shocked : he wasn’t sure if Slash was being honest or not but his mind was too confused and overwhelmed to read emotions. He saw how the guitarist was terrified and he wasn’t sure about his feelings. He didn’t want to hurt him, because apparently he can only do that, but at the same time he didn’t want to give him false hope. He was stuck but he had to give the other man an honest explanation, so he tried to put his thoughts together.

“Slash”

The younger man had his gaze fixed on the floor, little whimpers coming for his mouth.

“Saul” the name rolled strangely on Axl’s tongue and the other man looked towards the singer, his eyes a bit puffy and some tears at the corners of his eyes.

“Axl, shit I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have said that, not in this moment. Fuck I swear I didn’t want to push you, but I was so afraid of losing you that I couldn’t control myself. I”

“Slash, calm down” Axl said quietly interrupting the other man’s train of words. He tried to soften a bit his features so Slash could calm down.  “ I’m not mad at you but..”

“But you’re not feeling the same way” Slash finished.

“No. But I’m too confused or overwhelmed to understand what I feel. I-I”

The red head was biting his bottom lip, trying to express his feeling. Definitely not his favorite hobby

“I feel something for you and it’s more than friendship but I don’t know what it is and it scares me, because you’re so good and pure and I want to be as close as possible to you, I want you to hold my hand but I don’t think I can be in a relationship right now. I just need time, please.” he said the last word almost in a whisper, he was not the one to beg people.

Slash looked at him and his mouth curved in a soft smile. He asked Axl if he could have taken his hand and when he nodded, the curly man grab it and started to rub circles on it.

“I love you Axl and I always will. I totally understand it, fuck If I had controlled myself better I wouldn’t never said that now, but I did and I mean it. So I will be here, by your side, everyday keeping loving you until you feel comfortable to express your feelings.” Slash almost wanted to puke at his own sappy replay but he knew that Axl deserved all the love and all the understanding in this moment.

Axl looked at him, studying Slash face and felt something inside. But soon that beautiful sensation was replaced by the too familiar voices in his head.

How can you deserve him? He’s so sweet and good and you are rotten, broken and bad. You will just poison him and make him become the same as you. You don’t deserve him.

“I don’t deserve you” Axl said starting to cry again.

“Why are you saying this?” Slash said looking at him confused and hurt.

Axl just closed his eyes, tears  silently spilling from them.

“Hey, look at me Axl.” Slash said and wiped with his thumb the redhead’s tears. “ You’re right you don’t deserve me because you deserve so much more. And anyone who told you differently in all this years is just a prick and they have to hope to not cross path with me, ever.

Axl looked the guitarist in the eyes and he felt his mind stopping for a second. He decided to squeeze Slash’s and slowly resting his head on the other man’s shoulder.

They stayed like that for several minutes, completely silent, their now steady breaths the only thing they could hear. Axl closed his eyes again, still tired and tried to fall to sleep again but he could feel Slash’s gaze burning him; he knew that the brunette was thinking  and he simply didn’t want to deal with that in that moment. That was a little piece of heaven in a life full of hell and even though he knew he had to tell me one day, now he was not ready.

“I know what are you thinking” he redhead whispered and Slash looked at him confused.

“What?”

“You are thinking why I did what I did. But I can’t tell you, at least now. There’s so much shit Slash, I don’t want that to bury you and I can’t talk about it without getting buried myself. And I can’t even tell you if I’m going to be okay.” Axl said opening his eyes only to look at the window.

“I get it, don’t worry. I’ve already told you that I’m gonna stay here at your side and that is not going to change. But now go back to sleep because you look like shit” Slash replied smiling a bit but still worried about Axl’s words.

The singer just flipped him off and laid on the bed again.

“Can you keep that promise starting right now by sleeping here with me?” Axl asked looking Slash into the eyes and the other man just nodded laying down next to him.

“Everything is going to be okay” Slash whispered while Axl was drifting to sleep.

And the singer didn’t care if that was true or not, if he was dead or alive, if we was going to make it or not.

He had Slash and just for this little moment he wanted to think only about the man who he had feelings for.

[thelightofthebane]

A rainbow for you

Summary: Alec challenges himself at making a very magical gift for his husband. What could go wrong, right? Pairing: Magnus Bane/Alexander Lightwood

You can also read here: ao3

So, this is a gift for @aria-lerendeair because she deserves a lot of sweeties and much more. (°◡°♡).:｡

________________________________________

Yellow.

Joy, brightness, hope.

Petals of sunflowers to shine as the sun, of daisies and buttercups to bring the freshness of Spring, of yellow zinnia flowers for the fond memories they share since day 1.

Alec plucks them out, one by one, with utmost care and thoughtfulness. His calloused fingers brush the soft texture for a moment before ripping tiny pieces inside the wooden bowl.

Green.

Prosperity, health, resilience.

Petals of bells of Ireland for good luck, of green zinnias to brighten everything up, of green spider flowers for liveliness like the very core of his husband – even in the bad days –, of green cymbidium orchid for a little bit of naughtiness.

He smiles while crunches the petals and mixtures them with a sandalwood oil he spent the last week brooding. It was easy when your instructor was one of the smartest warlocks in the world, but like training, it could be a bit… distracting, not wanting to kiss your instructor all the time. So, he is doing everything alone now.

And because it’s a surprise for Magnus.

Purple.

Power, wisdom, creativity.

Petals of purple roses for calmness, of lavender for serenity, of violets to remember everything they had to go through to be together, of purple lily to remember that even though Magnus is the royal child of a demon, his grandioseness didn’t come from his blood, but from his heart. And, well, he would always be the king of Alec’s heart anyway.

Alec waits for the water to boil a bit more while checks a heavy book of spells. Most of it is written in some languages he doesn’t understand. Mundane ones, warlock ones. He needed to ask Madzie to translate a specific spell for him since Max is still training at the Spiral Labyrinth. The spell is relatively simple and it’s only required to add final touches to what he is creating by himself. When a spiral scent of grass and nectar tickles his nose along a silver line of smoke, he resumes his work.

Black.

Strength, mystery, uniqueness.

Petals of black pansies for all the dramatics, which is certainly another one of his husband’s traits, of black petunias to reinforce that black goes well with everything (and hell, Magnus was a living proof of that – black eyeliner, black eyeshadow, black nail polish, even black attires with all that jewels), of bat orchids because these ones in special Magnus brought from Malaysia, after a quick trip to Indonesia where they visited his husband’s homeland.

Alec stops for a moment to admire the flower. Magnus is still healing. His mother’s demise is a scar too deep to cure once for all, but he is getting better. Now he can go there for one or two days without cracking. He can put flowers inside a bamboo garden where his mother was buried centuries ago. He can pray without shattering, just wishing she is well – wherever her soul is – and not hating him anymore.

White.

Beauty, spirituality, new beginnings.

Petals of white hydrangea for unconditional devotion, of white magnolias for unconditional love, of white roses as a symbol of true love, the very one he shares with the man who is his home, his heaven, his life, his everything.

Their garden is full of these little ones. Magnus has always liked to maintain a certain variety from all over the world, but it was Alec’s request to spare a corner for just them. For someone who had spent most of his life in the shadows, wearing black, being able to see something brighter is some kind of relief. Of new perspectives. For Shadowhunters, it is a color for mourning. For him, it is the reminder of a rebirth to a better self.

Pink.

Grace, elegance, passion.

Petals of pink dahlias for kindness and commitment, of stargazers for everlasting love, of astilbes just because it’s also called false goat’s beard, thus reminding him of Magnus’ goatee.

Alec smiles fondly, tapping another book, one with flowers’ meanings. His choice of them has nothing to do with their magical properties (hence why he guaranteed they wouldn’t interfere in his project’s result), but only with their meanings. For all the colors he needs, he could just pick any flower, but he thinks it’s much more special choosing the ones who convey the best everything you feel for the one you love.

Orange.

Courage, excitement, warmth.

Petals of marigold for blissful joy, of cockscomb for silliness and laugh (and the delights of all the memories he has from non-official missions with Magnus that just proved how dumb they can be together), of ranunculus for all the charm his husband is overflowing. Like he doesn’t need an ounce of magic to make Alec feels like he is enchanted.

A weak puff of gold escapes the caldron. Almost there. He just needs to crush some more petals, cast the last binding spell and it would be done. Luckily, it would be finished before Magnus is back from one of his outside requests. That morning, he said something about Hong Kong and a problem with a warlock teenager who was trying to conjure real dragons to be her pets. And then he would go to the Veneza Institute to talk with Rafe. Their son is currently there for some internal affairs as co-Head of the New York Institute with Izzy’s eldest daughter. Alec couldn’t be more proud of his family.

Red.

Love, life, desire.

Petals of amaryllis for determination, of red tulips for timeless pure love, of red poppies for a statement that they’ve fought a lot of wars, prejudice, greater demons, and a whole society just to be together. Oh, and some petals of red roses, the ultimate symbol of love, because after thirty years of marriage Alec could be a bit sappy.

Magnus’ apothecary resembles a giant flower bed. Petals and flowers stem everywhere. Alec scratches his left brow for a moment, taking in all the mess. It wouldn’t take much to clean everything, but somehow it makes him recalls memories from when Max and Rafe were still kids, turning the loft upside down. He misses that. Perhaps he could suggest expanding their little family…

Puff.

Oh, it’s almost done!

Blue.

Serenity, inspiration, intimacy.

Petals of morning glories for the duality they represent, something both Magnus and Alec has to endure all the time as they navigate between being leaders and husbands, dark and light, demons and angels. Petals of hyacinth for trust and clematis for loyalty. And, at last, petals of blue rose. A rare one.

For immortality.

Moreover, for having the same mesmerizing beauty as Magnus’ magic.

Their magic.

Blue sparkles dances around Alec’s hands, warming them. Thanks to the enhanced and permanent Alliance Rune, he shares Magnus’ soul, power and vitality. They share a forever together.

Alec uses the magic he kick-started and pours into his creation, concluding it. Another puff and it’s finished.

A whole pot of magical and homemade glitter.

He smirks, proud of himself. It is a self-sustained glitter that replenishes by itself, can be used with anything and can turn into whatever color and exhales whichever flower fragrance the owner desires.

Just in time, he hears the opening of a portal at the loft entrance and knows that Magnus has arrived. Smiling like a mischievous kid, he puts a handful portion into a glass bowl and strides towards his husband to show him.

“Hello, darling!” Magnus smiles brightly, even though the tiredness of a lot of portal traveling has clearly worn him off.

“Hi,” Alec greets back, grinning and holding the bowl near his chest, then extending it towards Magnus. “I made this for you. My first attempt alone at breeding a substance induced by a shape-shifting spell.”

Magnus stares to all that colorful and vibrant glitter in awe. It took over a decade for Alexander asking him how to make potions, and even if in the beginning he had a lot of difficulties to get used to, his stubborn Shadowhunter was never one to give up a challenge. He isn’t a genius like Izzy, but he is smart and focused enough to hold up the game.

“Hmm…” Magnus takes a moment to appreciate his husband’s sweet gesture. The glitter has a distinct spectrum of colors more intense and brighter than the mundane one. Magnus smiles, his eyes crinkling at the corners with tenderness. “I loved it, Alexander. Thank you.”

“It has a perfume of your choice, too.”

“Oh?” Magnus approaches his face to try and smell when something tickles his nose and he sneezes.

And then there is glitter in the air, on their faces and clothes.

They stare at each other for a moment, too shocked to say or do something. They are positively sparkling more than any fairy they have ever met.

Alec is the first to come to his senses, clearing his throat as he reaches for Magnus’ face.

“Here, let me…” he trails off, not sure what to say, when Magnus squirms under his touch. Alec’s hand freezes in the air as he stares at his husband with a shocked expression. Then, he tries again, and Magnus does the same thing, though now he also giggles. “What the…”

After calming himself and organizing his thoughts, Magnus also extends a tentative hand, brushing alongside Alec’s ribs. The result is some kind of jolt and a strangled sound from his throat, as if Alec is trying to not laugh.

“Darling, did you put roses in this glitter?”

“Yes.”

“Different colors?”

“…Yes. Why?”

Magnus hums, understanding.

“Roses have strong magical power, especially the blue ones. If you mix them together, the shield spell to neutralize their mystic effects will eventually crack after some time. One of the side effects of so much flowery powder is body sensibility. To pain or…”

Alec mischievous grin returned.

“Tickles,” he lifts his hands and wiggles his fingers towards Magnus, who backs off instinctively.

“Alexander Gideon Lightwood-Bane, don’t you dare…” Magnus says cautiously, narrowing his eyes.

“Why? After all, I do have magical fingers now. Very, very magical,” he smirks, approaching his husband like a predator.

“Don’t you try this bullshit of pun with me.”

“Why?” Alec repeats, finally cornering Magnus. “I learned with the best. A medium-rare one.”

“You will never let me forget that, will you?” He gritted his teeth. “It has been 31 years, Alexander. 31!”

“Never.” Alec finally grabs Magnus and spins him around, his fingers pressing the most sensitive spots of Magnus’ body that Alec memorized with utmost pleasure. His husband squirms again, tries to run away, but end up turning into a mess of giggles and laughs.

Somehow, after some time, Magnus is able to have his sweet revenge, and both engage in a very childish fight of who can make the other laugh more, stealing breathless kisses between fingers’ attacks and teasing words.

They could wait for the spell to wear off or try to make an antidote, but for now they would enjoy the contentment of their love’s smiles and laughs.

[themyskira]

One of the things that’s so irritating to me about G. Willow Wilson’s run is that she’s actually taking the story in directions I really want it to go, picking up on plot threads ignored since the end of Rucka’s run, bringing back the mythology and resolving (finally!) Diana’s inability to return home with a development that enables the Amazons and Themyscira to be a recurring part of Wondy’s ongoing story again… and yet somehow she’s doing it in the blandest, most uninteresting way imaginable.

A lot of it isn’t technically bad. She’s not pulling any James Robinsons here. But there’s no emotional punch, no surprise, no heart to it. At the end of the day, she’s just moving pieces around a board.

As an example of this, let’s talk about her writing of Veronica Cale.

Veronica sees love as a weakness. When you open your heart to others, you give them power over you, hanging only to trust and blind hope that they won’t use that power to hurt you, to betray you, to destroy you. When you allow yourself to love, you make yourself vulnerable. You cultivate avenues by which your enemies can attack and manipulate you.

Veronica: Wonder Woman’s been here all of six months and she’s lecturing us about how we need to love one another. That through love we respect each other. That we will appreciate one another and this beautiful, precious world of ours. Adrianna: So it’s naive, maybe, but-- Veronica: It’s not naive, it’s a lie. Love has never solved a problem, Adrianna... all it does is create them.

And this was her mindset before the only two people in the world she’d let into her heart were stolen from her by a pair of sadistic gods seeking to use her to get to Wonder Woman.

Years of tucking an empty-faced, inanimate child into bed each night while her daughter’s soul screamed from the prison of the fear-gods’ gemstone. Years of being forced to scurry at Phobos and Deimos’ bidding as they held Izzy’s life in their hands. It sends her down a very dark road, one that leads ultimately to her ruin and that of everyone around her.

Veronica will not be controlled again, and so she works systematically to control everyone and everything around her. Every person and every resource is a potential tool in her cause, and she’s willing to hurt, kill, torture, manipulate, exploit, curse or destroy anybody if it gets her a single step closer to rescuing her daughter. 

All of this comes to a head at the end of Rucka’s run.  Due in part to Veronica’s own actions, her daughter is lost to her forever. Safe but unable to leave Themyscira, Izzy must remain with the Amazons -- to be raised by the people of the woman Veronica loathes most in the world.

Sick with grief and self-loathing, she lashes out at the only other person who cares - Adrianna, the AI patterned after her lost friend. She rejects that friendship, denies Adrianna’s personhood and dismisses her as a tool, seeding the beginnings of a rift.

She’s attacked by a murderous Cheetah, symbolic in that moment of everything she’s burned and broken and corrupted in her fruitless quest, only to be rescued at the last by none other than Diana.

Which leads to this heartbreaking exchange:

Veronica: We’re never going to be friends. You understand that. Diana: I understand we could have been. I understand that you see weakness in the places where I find strength. And I understand something more. Veronica: Do you? Diana: That you will always be alone, Doctor Cale.

And that’s where we leave her, alone amid the rubble of her life.

As significant as she is to Diana’s Rebirth story, it’s no surprise that the writers who followed Rucka (James Robinson, G. Willow Wilson) wanted to return to her. Unfortunately, neither of them seem to have known quite what to do with her beyond ‘Veronica is rich and powerful and hates Wondy’.

To be fair to them, this would be a challenge for any writer. Rucka created this version of Veronica with a very defined character arc, from the kidnapping of her daughter that begins her descent into villainy, to her tragic ruin which sees her daughter put forever beyond her reach. For ten years her sole motivation has been saving Izzy no matter what the cost, and now that’s gone. What is there left for her? Where does she go from here?

And the easiest answer is, well, she still hates Wonder Woman and blames her for what was done to Izzy, so I guess she’ll just make it her new mission to fuck with Diana by creating new metahuman villains to run rampant or launching a campaign to destroy Wondy’s reputation.

Robinson goes the former route, in the process reducing Veronica to a sadistic mad scientist, throwing monsters at Diana and conducting experiments on her foes simply because she likes hurting them.

“She tried to kill me, did you know that? Came close, too. I swore then that she’d be my property again, if I ever got the chance. So yes. Thank you, Adrianna... let the hunt begin.”

Wilson opts for the latter, and on its face this route has more promise. The celebratory news coverage of Wonder Woman and her (infantile, lecturing, false) mission rankled Veronica even before she became ensnared in Diana’s orbit. Being surrounded by it now, all this fawning over the woman Veronica believes ruined her life? That must burn her. It’s not hard to imagine her launching a covert campaign to show the public the ‘true’ face of Wonder Woman.

The problem here is that such a story has been done, and done very effectively, in Rucka’s first run on Wonder Woman, where he first introduced Veronica Cale. If you want to avoid simply retreading old ground, you’re going to need something more, a new angle.

Wilson has one, but it’s not good.

For context, Wilson’s run begins in Ares’ Themysciran prison, now also home to Grail. In amongst the other weapons littering their cell, Grail idly picks out a sword named Godkiller. Ares (who, apropos of nothing, has decided to stage prison break so that he can live a reformed life as a Noble and Just god of mass slaughter, wtf Willow) demands that Grail use it to kill him.

For reasons that, nearly twenty issues later, still have yet to be satisfactorily explained, Ares dies and is immediately resurrected, resulting in a “cosmic paradox” (?!) that tears Themyscira, Olympus and all their connected realms asunder (?!?!), spitting confused divinities and mythical beings out into the mundane world.

Veronica, observing the appearance of these gods, immediately begins investigating and comes to the bewildering conclusion that Themyscira is gone and therefore Izzy is dead.

This immediately makes no sense. Veronica spent ten years doing everything she could to get Izzy back, in the face of impossible odds. The scientific analysis may be pointing to Themyscira’s collapse, but that’s purely theoretical — and all around her, as gods and monsters materialise from nowhere, Veronica is being presented with evidence that she’s closer to Izzy than ever before. You can’t tell me that this woman, with her single-minded purpose, would give her daughter up for dead before she’d seen a body.

But okay. She thinks Izzy is dead. She’s hurting and she wants Diana to hurt, too. So she decides she’s going to tear apart Diana’s reputation.

By sending the goddess Nemesis to blow up a city street, waiting for Diana to show up and fight her, then storm in with cameras declaring loudly that “Wonder Woman attacked my employee in the course of her job protecting Cale Enterprises from superhuman threats” and then proceeding to file a massive lawsuit against her.

“Let the record show that Wonder Woman attacked my employee in the course of her job protecting Cale Enterprises from superhuman threats. If superheroes want to work, they must do business like everyone else. Register. Pay taxes. Otherwise, it stands to reason that they risk running afoul of the law.”

This is… so far from Veronica’s MO it’s not funny. She’s a meticulous planner, operating from the shadows, never showing her hand before she’s well and ready. Diana was clashing with Veronica’s people for years before she had the slightest idea who they were working for or what they were trying to get from her. She wouldn’t needlessly expose herself to media scrutiny with a stunt like this — not when she could far more effectively demolish Diana’s reputation from a distance with a team of PR operatives, some high-level media and political connections, and an AI ally capable of getting in almost anywhere.

But it turns out Veronica is kind of being controlled by Nemesis, who’s stoking her grudge against Diana (because, in an outrageous bit of mythology fail we don’t even have time to get into, Wilson thinks Nemesis is the goddess of… nemeses), so maybe we can explain away her brash incompetence as her not being in her right mind.

That doesn’t explain why, upon Diana’s breaking the spell, Veronica immediately bursts into tears and starts babbling, “I just want her to be safe— I can’t stop thinking about it— about her being alone and scared and not understanding what was happening—” And sobbing into Diana’s shoulder, she agrees to drop the lawsuit if Diana will search for Izzy.

“I--” [sobbing] “--I just want her to be safe-- I can’t stop thinking about it-- about her being alone and scared and not understanding what was happening--”

Remember, two of the very first things we learned about Veronica: she believes love is a weakness that her enemies will exploit, and she does not fucking trust Wonder Woman. She’s spent a long time cultivating a stony facade to hide her vulnerabilities. She’s not going to let that drop for Diana, not easily. She’s certainly not going to trust to Wonder Woman, the person she blames for Izzy’s loss, the task of recovering her daughter.

But that’s exactly what she does.

So then we get to WW #76. Diana has found Themyscira again, but before she can get caught up with her family, Diana wants to get Izzy back to her own family.

So naturally she LEAVES IZZY ON THE ISLAND and flies off on her own to pick up Veronica and bring her back.

“A reunion that is within my power to grant… yet it means bringing my enemy to the shores of my homeland.”

NO IT DOESN’T YOU ARE MAKING THIS NEEDLESSLY COMPLICATED FOR THE SAKE OF MELODRAMA

So Diana drops into Veronica’s house all, ‘hey, I found your daughter, she’s in the place you hate most in the world, so I thought I’d bring you to her rather than make this easy on you’.

And Veronica, rather than saying, ‘if you found her, why didn’t you bring her with you?’ or ‘why should I trust you?’ or ‘what’s the catch?’… drops her gun and dissolves into a weepy emotional puddle. VERONICA.

Veronica: [wiping away tears] You’re s-still my enemy when all this is over. Diana: You’re still my enemy now. Come. No more tears. There’s a young woman anxious to see you.

Where Robinson erased Veronica’s love and desperation to rescue her daughter in favour of a simplistic villainous portrayal, we see Wilson doing the exact reverse -- erasing Veronica’s viciousness in favour of a simplistic portrayal of a forlorn mother who thinks only of her baby.

And again, NONE OF THIS IS NECESSARY, YOU COULD HAVE JUST BROUGHT IZZY HERE.

Bad characterisation and hacky dramatic devices aside, what makes this story thread particularly bad is that it effects a significant change both in Veronica’s individual arc and in Diana’s relationship with Veronica without actually adding anything to either. There’s no conflict, no complication, no trade-off, no character growth. It’s a half-arsed quick fix, removing an obstacle without any effort or repercussions, which is flat-out bad writing.

And what sucks is it didn’t have to be this way.

Consider this: What if, instead of instantly giving up her daughter for dead, Veronica immediately gets to work hunting for a stable path through the cracks in the worlds? And what if this time, rather than her efforts being a threat to Themyscira and the mortal world, they’re the key to Diana finding her way home and saving Themyscira?

In this scenario, Themyscira is not under attack from within (i.e. the civil war resulting from Grail’s overthrow of Hippolyta), but from without. Evil spirits and mythical monsters have been spilling out of the Underworld through the cracks in reality and the Amazons are engaged in a desperate fight to subdue them and stabilise their world before it becomes subsumed into Hades’ realm. (You could do some cool stuff with the topography of the Underworld beginning to bleed into Themyscira - the flaming river Phlegethon slicing through the landscape, the city strangled by poppies and asphodel.)

The path that Veronica locates leads through the Underworld, so instead of a wacky journey through the ~wild world of Hippolyta’s imagination~ we get an awesome katabasis story! One way or another, Diana and Veronica’s paths converge in the Underworld and they end up unwilling allies, relying on one another to fight their way through.

This unlikely team-up also gives us the opportunity to examine the characters’ conflicting worldviews and unresolved issues with each other. Greek mythology is full of daimones, personified concepts (e.g. grief, rage, nightmares), which provides some great opportunities to bring personal insecurities to the surface and make literal characters’ battles with their fears.

So they make it out of the Underworld and into Themyscira. They find their way to the Amazons’ stronghold, where Veronica is finally able to embrace Izzy. It’s an emotional reunion, but one fraught with uncomfortable edges. Veronica’s spent ten years on a very dark road. She’s committed monstrous acts, ruined lives, doomed souls in her quest to get her daughter back. If Izzy knew the woman her mother had become, it would terrify her.

And as the Underworld encroaches, threatening to swallow whole these women who welcomed Izzy in as family, Veronica’s faced with a choice: save herself and her daughter, while breaking Izzy’s heart — or be the hero Izzy still believes her to be and stand with her enemies to save Themyscira.

With Veronica’s help, they triumph. But the new status quo brings new challenges - maybe Themyscira is pulled into the earthly realm. Maybe the walls between dimensions, while stabilised, remain porous, riddled with cracks through which gods and monsters can escape and wreak havoc. And of course, Ares is now loose in the world, unchained, along with Phobos and Deimos, whose actions brought so much misery on Veronica and her loved ones — and who, now that they’re free, have some scores to settle.

And so, while Veronica is able to bring closure to one awful chapter, returning home with her daughter, she emerges with a new resolve: to monitor, control and — if need be — destroy these gods that now lurk in the world. Because she’ll let the worlds burn before she lets them touch a single hair on Izzy’s head ever again.

Godwatch is back online.

But nah, what we get instead is a trite little reunion that ties everything up in a neat bow for Veronica, with no sacrifices required on her part and no consequences for her terrible actions, because it’s easier to portray her simplistically as a bereft mother than to remember that, HEY SHE’S ALSO MURDERED A LOT OF PEOPLE HERE.

[flawlesspeasant]

no instructions.

Like I said, I only write fanfiction when I’m feeling inspired and I’ve been feeling inspired with Jo’s recent depression in the show. I really wanted to see something from Alex’s point of view and I got carried away with loving, concerned husband Alex and ended up writing about Alex dragging Jo to therapy. ❤️ Enjoy!

There’s a lot of things they don’t tell you how to prepare for, and this is one of them.

I mean don’t get me wrong, it’s not like marriage comes with an instruction manual. To be honest, I spend most of my days going with the flow and learning as I go along.

Like when she leaves her hair on the bathroom floor and it feels like a white-hot branding iron was just put on my back. And I stomp to the bedroom to yell at her about taking five freaking seconds to pick up the goddamn broom and sweep up the mess before I have to go into work with a clump of her brown hair caked to my scrubs because that crap gets everywhere. Then, just as I’m ready to really give her the third degree, she’s lying on my side of the bed with her arm up under my pillow and her eyes are still closed and I think to myself, “what in the hell did I do to deserve her?” And all the anger melts away… something like putting an ice cube in the middle of a hot cup of coffee.

And also like when she drinks the last beer in the fridge but leaves the empty case there and it’s turned to the side in a way awkward enough to make me think that there’s still one left. It boils me up inside when I think that I’m going to come home after a long day of doing absolutely nothing at the hospital and crack open an ice cold brew, only to find that she dusted the last one off and gave me all kinds of false hope by leaving the empty six pack carton in the fridge. And just when I’m about to bust in the bathroom, rip the shower curtain back and yell at her for the umpteenth time about just throwing the damn case away, I stop in my tracks and can’t help but smile because through the sound of the water running, all I hear is her singing “it’s getting hot in here! So take off all your clothes!” and all I can think about is how I still can’t believe that I somehow tricked this goofball into marrying me. And I’m not so angry about the beer anymore.

See, it’s nothing like the first time I walked down the aisle and made somebody my wife. The time I married Iz, I mean.

When I married Iz, everything was a breeze. There weren’t any tough decisions and in truth, I had it easy. At the time, I sure thought that it was as hard as it would get and marriage was a horrible thing that I just so happened to get roped into. Back then, you couldn’t convince me that marriage was beautiful. Nobody on this earth could make me believe that it was great.

But that was when it was easy. With Izzie, it was easy. But with Jo, everything about this whole marriage thing is hard. And I can’t help but wonder if maybe — just maybe — it’s because for the first time in my life, I genuinely give a crap about her more than I give a crap about myself.

I mean, when you look at it, that makes sense… doesn’t it?

I didn’t need instructions when I married Izzie because marrying Izzie was easy and marrying Izzie was easy because I didn’t care about her enough.

At least not the way I care about Jo.

I spent the entire day wondering about that. Wondering why my marriage to Izzie wasn’t as hard on me as my marriage to Jo.

I asked Mer today at lunch why she thought that was and she didn't know what I meant. She thought I was trying to say that I regretted marrying Jo and I had to walk away when she implied that because that was the first time I’d been so pissed off in a while.

But I guess that was my fault because I couldn’t really explain to her what I meant by that.

What I meant was, why is my mind at home with Jo when before, it wouldn’t be?

All day today, I tried my hardest to be present with my patients. I listened to heartbeats and lungs, threw a diagnosis or two out there and administered and IV or two.

Yet all I could think about was how I knew my wife was at home in bed. She told me she was sick, but because I know Jo better than Jo knows herself sometimes, I knew that she was lying. If the tear streaks on her cheeks didn’t give that away, then the way her clothes don’t quite fit right anymore did.

And while I should have been paying attention to the actual sick people under my care, my mind wasn’t even in my head because all I wanted to know was if my wife was eating. Or if she had gotten out of bed yet. If she had showered. I could’ve given someone the wrong meds today and I genuinely wouldn’t have cared, as long as it meant that she had at least taken a bite of a piece of toast today.

Anyone who knows me knows how hard it is for me to give up control. But I did that yesterday because that’s just how badly I need her to be okay. Sure, I wish I was the person who could miraculously make her okay. I wish I could pull her out of whatever hell hole she’s been in the past few days, but I can’t. And if I can’t, then I have to hope that there’s somebody who can.

So, needless to even say how much I hoped that when I slid open the door to the loft, I would see her the way she used to be. I wanted to see her and Link sitting on the couch laughing, because he was my last resort. I wanted her beautiful hair to be brushed again and for my socks to be full of the clumps she left on the floor. And I wanted to open the fridge to find no more beer because she drank it all again.

And when I opened the door and heard the sound of her laughter echoing off the walls, I swear I still don’t know what stopped me from bum-rushing Link and hugging him because he did it. He really did it. He brought my beautiful, lively girl back.

Only he didn’t.

And that’s why we’re here.

I still don’t know if this was the “right” thing to do. And to be honest, I don’t know if she’s going to hate me after this or not. But I’m desperate now. Maybe even past desperate.

She sits across the room with her arms folded across her chest and her head down, still refusing to sit next to me. One half of her hair is still in knots, because she wouldn’t let me brush the other half after I told her that I was taking her to see a doctor. And nobody’s said anything but I can feel the eyes on her fuzzy purple pajama pants. It wasn’t pretty, but I told her I was bringing her “as is.” She resisted me a bit when I scooped her up and put her in the car.

“Karev?” the short little blonde calls from the door in the corner and, mostly out of habit, I stand up too.

Jo stands up so slowly that I wonder if she forgot that she could stand. It’s so quiet in this room that I can actually hear her bones shift and crack. I start to wonder how long it’s actually been since she’s walked on her own.

She takes one step without me and it’s like someone put a blanket around me and I didn’t realize I was cold and shivering until they did. I’m calmer now, just knowing that she’s even slightly agreeing to go. So I start to sit back down in my chair.

Only, she doesn’t let me.

She hasn’t spoken a word to me since we left the house nearly 45 minutes ago, but she doesn’t have to talk to let me know what she wants.

She puts her hand against mine before I can sit down all the way, and suddenly I’m not as soft as I was a second ago. A second ago, I felt like butter on toast. And in that same instant of my wife putting her hand against mine — of my wife telling me that she needs me — I’m solid again.

Because she needs me to be her rock.

She still doesn’t say anything the whole way back. We walk past a few doors; some open and some shut. Down a long hallway full of pictures of cheap plants and crap like that. And when we finally make it to the room we’re going to be in, Jo takes the seat closest to the door, like she always does. Closest to the exit. Always. And it sounds crazy, I know. But that little gesture — that little moment of her doing something so predictably her — is enough to let me know that my girl is still in there somewhere.

“So,” the therapist says as she shuts the door behind her. “If at any time you want your husband…?”

“Alex,” I mumble with a nod.

“Right,” she grins and nods back. “If at any time you want Alex to step out, just say so.” She sits at the desk across from both me and Jo and nudges a pair of glasses on. “This is our first session together, so I’m just going to really try to get to know you, Josephine. Or… Jo? Do you have a preference?”

Jo shrugs, so I — “Jo. She likes to be called Jo.”

“I see,” she nods again. “So… Jo. Just basics. What do you do for a living? I see you’re a… surgical fellow. Do you have a specialty?”

Jo just stares through the wall, blank. I reach over to hold her hand and she pulls it away.

“She um… she has a fellowship in future medicine. Which means she —“

“I would like to hear from Jo,” she says. We both turn toward her and we both know that she’s not going to say anything. So the therapist moves on to a different question. “We can always come back to your professional life when you’re ready. We can start with your personal life. What’s your marriage like? Are you happy?”

Jo nods, which is something and it’s something the therapist seems to run with.

“Any children?”

Jo and I both shake our heads at the same time.

“Ever been pregnant? Any history of miscarriages or abortions? Anything?”

I shake my head to answer that because I really don’t think Jo will and of course I know the answer to that.

Except, I guess I don’t.

Because Jo nods her head.

And for a split second, all I feel is anger. Coursing through my body. Like it replaced my blood.

Only for a split second, though.

In the next instant, all I feel is —

“Alex?” The therapist calls my name, which slaps me back to reality too quickly for me to really process… anything.

“What!?” I accidentally snap.

“Could you… step out?”

“She didn’t —“

“Alex,” the therapist says again. And this time, I trace her eyes to Jo’s eyes.

Jo’s eyes are low. Blank. Lifeless. But she is looking at me. Which is more than I can say for the past few days.

“Please.” The therapist says. And I’m waiting for Jo to put her hand on mine again, waiting for her to let me know that she wants me to stay again.

But she doesn’t. And before I can process anything, my legs are up out of my chair. And I’m out in the hallway. And my mind is off in a thousand different directions.

I swear, all marriage is to me is being scared every second of the day. It’s like having a piece of my heart walking around outside my body and I spend my every waking moment worried and hoping that the little piece of my heart — the piece that I know is depressed — is okay.

If I ever had any doubt of how much Jo has changed every inch of who I used to be, it’s this. Right here.

Because as much as I feel the old me — the me that’s still there just buried underneath everything that has grown — ready to rage because apparently my wife has been pregnant and I don’t know about it….

I just walk back to the waiting room and wait. For the next hour that Jo’s in therapy, I know my head is going to be a mess. I’m going to be wondering when she was pregnant and why I didn’t know. Trying to piece together a timeline that makes sense for me to have missed the signs. Trying to wonder if she was saying yes to having had a miscarriage or if she said yes to having had an abortion.

Yeah, I’m angry. Angry that my wife didn’t tell me something like this.

But more than that….

I just want my Jo to be okay.

[consulalexander]

i can’t breathe (sneak peek)

NOW. I wasn’t gonna post this after this week’s episode happened because ouch my soul. And I don’t have time to update multiple WIPs. So after this I’ll be posting the entirety of this fic on AO3 when it’s finished, which won’t be for a couple weeks unfortunately but I swear it’s coming, it’s just become a bit more of a project than I had originally thought

HOWEVER

Y’all are yelling at me to post something so fine here’s the opening scene, have fun crying

A couple things: this goes AU after 3x17, Magnus has the loft because I wasn’t creative enough to figure out another solution and he had to have his own place for the purposes of this fic, and this takes place about a month after the almost proposal because the Shadowhunters timeline is GARBAGE and I refuse to accept it

If you REALLY like pain, I was listening to lovely feat. Khalid by Billie Eilish and i can’t breathe by Bea Miller on repeat while I was writing this (Bea Miller’s song is the inspo for the title and various thematic elements of this angst monster) (also wow way to drive a knife in my heart with that scene and that song Shadowhunters fuck u very much)

Feel free to scream or ask questions in my ask

TW for depressive thoughts and all the Magnus feels

*

*

*

Waking up becomes the worst part of his day.

Sleep is bliss—there is no reality in dreams. He’s filled to the brim with power, the familiar hum of magic coursing through his body, as steady as Alec’s heartbeat. It comes out of him in waves, blue fire wrapping delicately around the loft and out to the balcony and caressing his skin like a lover’s lips. He’s drunk and high and having an orgasm all at once and he’s never felt this alive.

For a moment, when he wakes up, golden light casting across the bed from the bay window and dancing tenderly on his skin, nothing is different. Nothing is missing.

But then, the knowledge of his new reality comes crashing down on him like a tsunami, and Magnus is drowning in grief, as if that part of him—the only part he really knows—died.

Every day is a new kind of hell—he might as well have stayed in Edom.

Magnus breaks out of his traitorous thoughts when he feels something stirring next to him: Alec, grunting softly as he rolls over. His long lashes flutter, opening to reveal big pale eyes that are clouded over with sleep.

He yawns until his jaw cracks and mutters, “Hey.”

Magnus gives him a small smile, barely a quirk of his lips.

“Good morning.”

Alec shuffles closer into Magnus’ side, clearly not ready to get out of the comfortable cocoon of blankets he’s sequestered himself in.

Normally, Magnus adores Alec in the morning; he’s the softest Magnus ever sees him, wanting nothing but warmth and sweetness. He reminds him fondly of a cat lying in a sun patch on the floor, sprawling his limbs out over the bed or on top of Magnus. He normally could spend hours tracing the runes on his pale skin, slowly waking Alec up with feather light kisses and barely there fingertips.

That was before, though. That was Magnus Bane, High Warlock of Brooklyn.

He has no idea who Magnus Bane the mundane is, and Alec’s sleepy embrace only reminds him, with a pang, of what he no longer has.

Magnus extracts himself from the bed with some difficulty, Alec’s arms tightening around him like a boa constrictor. Alec groans in protest, lifting his head to drowsily glare at Magnus.

“Where are you going?” he pouts.

“Coffee,” Magnus says, because he knows it’s an answer Alec will wholeheartedly accept. There’s no limit to Alec’s caffeine addiction.

“Oh, okay,” Alec murmurs, predictably, sinking back down into the bed.

A part of Magnus, growing louder by the second, demands that he crawl back into bed and wrap himself up in his all too enticing boyfriend, thinking of nothing but them, existing in this space like nothing is wrong and there’s no gnawing pit in his stomach.

He can’t, though. He’s already put Alec through so much—Magnus doesn’t understand why he stays, why he lets Magnus do things like ruin romantic dinners or pick fights and cry, why he’s so patient and good. Far better than Magnus can ever be, that’s for sure. He doesn’t deserve it, and Alec especially doesn’t deserve what Magnus is giving him in return.

Which is, well, nothing. Nothing at all.

“I’ll be right back,” Magnus says, feeling suddenly overwhelmed and hoping Alec is still too tired to detect the note of panic in his voice.

He leaves the stifling bedroom and pads down the hall, his fingers automatically coming together in a phantom snap for coffee to begin brewing. The air rushes out of him when he remembers. Everything’s manual now.

As Magnus preps the coffee, he recalls, his face wrinkled in slight disgust, soon after he’d lost his magic for good. He’d almost had a breakdown over the damn machine, when he’d gone to make some for himself and Alec one morning and realized he had no idea how to actually make coffee.

Alec had wandered into the kitchen, wondering what was taking Magnus so long, and had found him sitting on the floor, head hanging low with the machine in pieces around him.

Of course—because Alec really must be one of those white knights in fairy tales—he’d hauled Magnus to his feet and helped him pick out a new coffee maker, a simple gold without any bells or whistles. When they got back, Alec sat Magnus down at the kitchen island and--with a teacher’s patience and a protective desire that was all Alec--walked him through how to make a perfect pot of coffee by hand.

Magnus pours the coffee into two mugs now, his fingers tingling when colliding with the warm ceramic. When he closes his eyes, he can almost pretend it’s the feeling of magic sparking at his fingertips.

Almost.

He goes back into the bedroom and finds Alec out of bed, pulling on a shirt. His phone lies on the edge of the bed, and his hair clings to his forehead, damp from the shower. Magnus wonders just how long he was in the kitchen for.

Alec makes no comment on it. He takes the mug Magnus offers him gratefully and sips, grinning at him.

“Perfect,” he says, eyes incredibly soft as he gazes at Magnus.

Magnus fidgets, a feeling of guilt that’s been ever-present lately when he looks at Alec washing over him.

“I have to go,” Alec says, apologetic, after a few moments of silence. “I’m sorry, Jace called, it’s important.”

Magnus nods his head too fast.

“Of course,” he says, more than a little relieved that Alec is leaving. He loves Alec, loves his grounding presence, but if he has to endure another day of pitying glances he might scream.

“You gonna be okay?” Alec asks, eyes probing as he slips on his leather jacket.

“Who, moi?” Magnus rolls his eyes, playing up nonchalance for Alec’s benefit. “I’ll be just fine. I’ve got some house stuff I’ve been meaning to take care of anyway. Dusting, scrubbing, Marie Kondo-ing. You know.”

Alec pauses in lacing up his boots, looking at Magnus in suspicion. Clearly, Magnus isn’t doing as good a job of hiding his emotions as he thinks he is.

Alec smashed through all of Magnus’ walls without even trying, by simply existing, and Magnus has to fight to rebuild in the wake of his new identity. He hates it, and he’s more than positive Alec isn’t pleased with it either, if the disastrous dinner on the balcony almost a month ago now is anything to go by. But he has to protect himself and without his magic, he doesn’t have very many ways left to do that. He’s safe behind the walls; nothing can hurt him here.

“You sure? I can try and leave work early, make Jace or Izzy take some paperwork for me—”

Magnus cuts him off, painting a wide smile on his face with as much false joy as he can muster.

“No!” he says, too earnest. “I’m fine, darling, honestly. You’ve got Shadowhunters to order around, you don’t need to worry about me.”

Alec slides his phone into his pocket and steps forward, closing the distance between them and cupping Magnus’ cheek with his palm. His eyes run over Magnus’ features, looking for… something.

“I always worry about you,” he murmurs.

Magnus doesn’t know what to say. If Magnus is fighting to rebuild his walls, Alec’s are crumbling down like skyscrapers in an earthquake. He’d worked so hard to get Alec to expose himself, and now that they’re here, Alec bearing everything to him in that urgently sweet way of his, all Magnus wants to do is hide.

He settles for a small smile, leaning into Alec’s hand and kissing his palm.

Alec’s phone buzzes violently in his pocket, and he winces.

“Gotta go,” he says, kissing Magnus’ forehead and disappearing out of the bedroom.

Magnus hears Alec’s tender call of ‘see you tonight, love you!’ as he leaves, the door falling shut behind him.

The loft is quiet, too quiet now, and Magnus stares off into the distance, embracing the hollowness of his chest as another empty, useless day stretches out before him, like the gray ocean fading into the horizon.

[little-fandom]

We only see as far as the headlights - Chapter I: The First Ride

Alec spends most of his days studying law, writing articles for a local newspaper to pay for his apartment, and trying not to completely break down after his baby brother has been diagnosed with leukaemia. He’s a busy man, there’s no time for rest, and there’s for sure no time for love on his schedule.

Every single of Magnus’ days is the same. Work, home, drink and a marathon of Project Runway. Every day besides Wednesdays, when he comes to a local hospital as a volunteer and offers some comfort for its patients. Even if his life is boring, it’s stable. And he definitely needs stable after his last relationship. He’s not looking for love. It’s still too soon.

But when fate makes both of the men cross paths, they start to feel something special. Something they have never felt before. And even with their contrasting lives, there’s always time for some love, right?

read on ao3 

“I don’t think it’s working, Mr Fell.” Alec says as he begins to get up from the chair, but Mr Fell stops him with his hand movement.

“Just sit down for one more minute.”

Alec sighs and rolls his eyes but does as he’s told. Slumping back down on the chair opposite the doctor, he raises a questioning eyebrow at him. Their time is over for this week session, and Alec has no idea what more does he want him to say. They’ve already been through all the kinds of ‘how you’re feeling today?’ questions.

“Why do you think that?” His therapist asks then. “It’s only our second session.”

Because it doesn’t make me feel any better, Alec thinks, but doesn’t say.

Deep down he knows it will take time, before he opens up fully. It’s been hard enough to expose him to his siblings like that, and he still gave him only a part of his worries, since they were pushing. It’s a totally different thing doing it with a stranger.

Maybe it is a little easier.

But it’s not like he’s doing it willingly. Isabelle insisted on him to go and get some help, since she could see that this whole thing was bringing him down a little bit more with every day. Jace instantly agreed, and that’s why he’s here. On his second session with a psychologist, but not actually to make himself feel better, but his siblings.

At least he can do something to make Izzy and Jace feel better.

He wishes he could do the same with Max.

He knows that it’s getting worse. Can see it with every day he comes back here to the hospital. But there’s not much he can do, besides being there for him. He won’t magically invent a cure for cancer, no matter how much he’d love to.

But he also knows, that it’s been like that before. Even worse. And since Max is a constant patient in this hospital for basically two months, it’s been better. He has someone watching over him all the time, someone will notice if something is wrong and will inform them instantly. They take better care of him here, than Alec and his family back at the house. Even though it was five of them there, they’re always busy. His siblings and him have college to attend, plus their casual jobs, and their parents are mostly out in their law’s firm. Sure, it’s an important work, but is it more important than your own child...

Max was actually the only thing that kept Alec home. He didn’t want to be away from him, but since they were forced to hand him away to the hospital anyway, Alec took a chance at leaving their family home too.

Isabelle and Jace came along. They rented an apartment mostly using Alec’s savings, all of them got casual jobs, and somehow they manage. Even when it’s hard, it’s still better than living with his father back at the house…

“Alec.” Mr Fell’s voice brings him out of his thoughts.

“Yeah, sorry I…” He starts, but the doctor only waves his hand dismissively and repeats the question instead.

“Why do you think it isn’t working?”

Alec shrugs, but after only one hour spend with this man, he knows he won’t take this as an answer, waiting for the younger man to elaborate.

“I just…” Alec starts and exhales. “I don’t feel like I need to talk to someone. I’m doing fine. I have my siblings-“

“But you still refuse to talk to them about this.” Mr Fell gently interrupts.

“Because I don’t feel the need to.” Alec resorts quickly.

The therapist lets out a long exhale and nods, scribbling something in his notebook.

“You know it’s your choice, but I’d like to continue seeing you.” He states a little while later. “I’m sure we can work everything out.” He smiles a soft smile, and Alec reciprocates a bit.

Do it for them, Alec’s subconsciousness is telling him. They need you to do this more than you do.

So he just nods in answer and Mr Fell goes back to writing in his notebook before speaking again.

“Great, same time next week then?”

“Yeah.” Alec replies shortly, relieved that it’s finally time to get out of here.

“I’ll see you next week then. Take care, Alec.”

Alec nods again on his way out and lets out another breathe as the door shut behind him.

He quickly makes his way to Max’s room, which he shares with three other kids. Now, they all recognise Alec, since he’s a constant visitor here. As he comes through the entrance, he spots his brother and the way he lits up at the sight of Alec makes him smile.

“Hey, buddy.” Alec greets as he sits down on the chair near his bed. He waves his hand to the other children and they answer with some cute smiles. “How are you feeling today?” He asks then, running a hand through Max’s hair.

“A bit better than yesterday.” He replies. “But everything still kinda hurts.”

Alec nods and places a kiss to his forehead.

“I know,” He speaks then. “But it’ll get better. You just need to get through this.”

He doesn’t want to give him false hope, and believes he doesn’t. He’s not letting any thought about losing his baby brother creep into his mind. If he did, he’d completely broke.

They just sit in silence for a while, Alec’s hand still in his hair and then Max speaks again.

“Don’t you have school today?”

“I do.” Alec smiles as he answers. “But I’ll always find some time for you.”

The quirks of Max’s lips lift up a bit at Alec’s words.

“Okay,” Alec starts. “do you want to play some video games, or we could take a walk-“

“Actually, I don’t think like moving from bed today.”

Alec tries to hide his worry behind a smile. As he always does, when Max is feeling particularly bad, like today. He looks down at his brother, as the boy slowly closes his eyes and exhales heavily.

“What would you like to do then?” Alec asks, delicately sweeping hair from his brother’s forehead.

“Can you read me?”

Alec smiles at his request. Being 12, Max is more than old enough to read himself, but he still loves it when Alec does it for him. He used to read him to sleep when Max was just a baby, and somehow it became their routine. Every time Max had a nightmare, or just wasn’t feeling okay, Alec would come to his room and read him to sleep. When he was diagnosed with leukaemia, and then transported to the hospital the reading didn’t stop. Actually, it became more constant, since Max was feeling bad almost all the time, and it seemed like the only thing to lift him up a bit.

“Sure,” Alec answers without hesitation. “Which book?”

“’The Little Prince’?”

It’s their book. The one Max chooses the most often, but none of them is bored of it. Rereading it only makes the story more special and with every year, Max seems to understand it better, find out new things about it. Which both makes Alec proud and worried. But he doesn’t let it get too much to his head as he answers.

“You’ve got it.”

Soon, he needs to leave since he has an exam in business law today, and can’t mess it up. He exchanges his goodbyes with Max, and promises to be back soon, like he always does, and then he’s heading to the exit, where Jace should be already waiting for him.

But he doesn’t spot him anywhere on the parking lot. He checks the time again. 9:21, they set up for 9:15. It’s a really important exam, and if Jace forgot…

With a heavy sigh Alec dials his number and waits till his brother picks up. When he does, Alec doesn’t really let him finish his ‘hello’ as he asks.

“Jace, where the hell are you?”

“I was just about to call you.” His brother states and Alec can hear some background noise coming for the other line. “It’s frantic at work today, I can’t get out.”

“What do you mean? We set up for you to get me a ride to the university, I have an exam in half of an hour!”

“I know, but I’m sorry I really can’t. It’s a mess up here.” Jace sighs and Alec can imagine him rubbing his finger over his brow, as he always does when he’s thinking. “Can’t you take a bus?”

“A stop is like 20 minutes away from here, and another 20 to get to the university.” Alec resorts with frustration creeping into his voice. He understands that Jace works hard, and does appreciate it. He’s a busy man, with working for the advertising agency and studying business on the weekends. Jace’s job is nice, but it’s not really for him. He wasn’t made for sitting behind a desk. That’s why he took business classes after a year of studying physical education. His dream is to open up his own gym, and Alec does believe he can make it. He and Izzy do. Their parents don’t matter. They stopped awaiting any support from them a long time ago.

So Alec lets out another exhale, tone shifting from frustrated to resigned as he adds.

“There’s no way I’ll make it there on time.”

“I’m sorry Alec, really. Can you take the exam another day?”

His teacher is going to kill him for missing another test, but what else is there left to do.

“I knew sharing a car with you is the worst idea ever.” Alec grunts, scowling himself for not just taking the car anytime he wants, like Jace does. Their schedule only seem to work when his brother feels like it.

“Hey, you know way better than anyone that we can’t afford two cars.” Jace resorts.

“Then I should be the one taking it to school.”

“You have like 20 minutes to the university by bus-“

“Well, not from here! From home!” Alec raises his voice slightly, but then adds more calmly. “I get it, Jace, but next time just let me know earlier, so I can figure something out.”

“Yeah, sure. Sorry.” Jace answers, actually sounding a bit guilty.

“Just… get back to work.” Alec states. “I’ll manage. I’ll see you tonight.”

They quickly exchange goodbyes and as Alec hangs up, he growls in frustration and goes to rest is forehead against the cold wall of the building.

“Fuck.” He murmurs to himself and a few seconds later, he feels a hand on his shoulder.

“Are you okay?” Says a man’s voice. It’s a nice voice, Alec resorts and he almost turns around to face the stranger, but he doesn’t feel like taking out his anger on an innocent person, and right now he feels like he’s going to blow up with frustration if he even opens his mouth.

“Fine.” He manages, and then the hand on his shoulder disappears, but he doesn’t hear any footsteps that may announce the stranger is walking away, so what’s left for Alec to do, than to face him.

As he turns around and is ready to reassure again that he’s perfectly fine, but then, he finds himself face to face with probably the most beautiful man he’s ever seen.

And then the man smiles at him, and Alec decides that he’s definitely the most beautiful. His black hair is perfectly styled, dark brown eyes, lightened with some black shiny eyeliner at the edges. His outfit leaves no other impression than fabulous. Dark red shirt, peeking out of the long burgundy coat, paired with tight black trousers and simple black boots.

Alec finds himself lost at his words, and he just stands there with mouth slightly open, not able to choke out any other words.

After what feels like a lifetime for Alec, the stranger chuckles lightly, and then his voice sounds again.

“I’m sorry, but I kind of overheard your conversation on the phone.” He states, still smiling softly when he offers. “Do you need a ride?”

Alec blinks a few time a bit taken aback at the offer, but when his brain actually come online, he manages a response.

“You expect me go get into a car with a total stranger?” He asks with a stern expression.

The man shakes his head lightly and chuckles again, before extending his hand.

“I’m Magnus.” He says, and before even thinking, Alec slides his palm into his. “See, not a total stranger anymore.”

Alec laughs briefly, before reminding himself that he hasn’t actually introduced yet.

“Alec.”

“Well, Alec” Magnus starts again. “I might have heard that you’re headed in the direction of a university. Colmubia?”

“Yeah.” Alec nods and when they finally let go of each other hands, he finds himself surprised at how well they fitted together.

“Great, turns out I’m going in the same direction.” Magnus resorts and his smile brightens a bit. “And since we’re past the formalities, there’s no objection for you to accept my offer.”

“I don’t think that is how it works.” Alec says with a grin, and Magnus laughs again.

“Whoever told you that, lied.”

They laugh again, and there’s a moment of silence, before Alec speaks again.

“Look, Magnus it’s really nice of you to offer, but I don’t want to make you any trouble-“

“Nonsense.” Magnus interrupts gently. “It’s on my way Alec, I’ll just drop you off, it’ll take like two seconds. You won’t be taking basically any of my time, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Alec just shakes his head a bit.

“No, Magnus, it’s fine. I’ll take a bus, or something-“

“Alec,” He begins again. “is that short for Alexander?” He asks, and Alec nods in answer. “Okay, so Alexander, can I call you that?”

“Sure.” Alec replies before he actually gets to think about it. there’s just something in a way his full name slips of Magnus’ tongue. Without any reprimand or accusation, like it always did when his parents were calling him by his full name. He longs for the word to be spoken again by Magnus, and he doesn’t need to wait long when Magnus picks back up again.

“Alexander, you’re not making me any trouble. Really. And, as I’ve heard, you’ve got an exam, which you definitely shouldn’t miss. Come on, you can’t be late.”

Magnus waves of his hand in the direction of where his car must be and as he throws Alec one last look he thinks.

Fuck it.

He’ll be as good as dead if he misses the exam. Better to get murdered by a beautiful man than your teacher.

So he finally nods, releasing a breath and Magnus beams at him as he leads them in a direction of his car.

A few steps later, they find themselves in front of an elegant black car. It’s simple, not too big, but not too small, just a perfect kind. Alec doesn’t know shit about cars, but this one looks like a one he’d like to own himself.

Magnus opens the door to the passenger’s side and gestures Alec in, to which he blushes slightly at the polite gesture. He quickly gets in, and Magnus swiftly circles the car to soon settle himself in the driver’s seat.

“Here we go.” He turns the key in the ignition and backs out from the parking lot.

They drive in silence for a bit, and Alec just feels weird. He’s known Magnus for like ten minutes, tops, and somehow he finds himself relaxed in his company. Maybe it’s the smile he flashes him every time they stop at a red light, or the way his eyes are focused on the road when he drives. Alec doesn’t know. But he’s never felt something quite like this before.

He looks around, taking in his surroundings. The inside of the car is just as nice as the outside. The seats are a light-maroon leather, with an stylish cockpit and steer wheel in black. Alec’s gaze wanders to Magnus’ hand on the stick shift, and that’s when he notices his neatly painted fingernails, an elegant dark blue with a bit of shiny glitter.

He realises that he got too caught up in his thoughts as he hears Magnus say his name, probably repeating it, assuming from his tone.

“Sorry, I zoned out for a moment.” Alec resorts as he shakes his head, as if trying to get the thoughts away.

“That’s all right.” Magnus just shrugs lightly. “Are you okay, tho?”

His eyes are still focused back on the road, but Alec swears he can see a glimpse of worry in them.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Alec nods reassuringly, more to himself, since Magnus is still looking back on the road. “Maybe just a bit nervous.”

“What is this exam about?” Magnus asks and he sounds truly curious.

“Business law.” Alec exhales as he answers.

“Oh, a law student.” Magnus throws him another smile as he nods. “Did you study a lot?”

“Yeah, I did.”

“No worries then. You’ll pass.” Magnus assures.

Alec just lets out another breath, feeling a bit more calm. It sound so simple when Magnus says it.  He doesn’t know how he does it, but he actually believes his words.

Silence falls between them again, but it’s not that kind of uncomfortable one. It in fact feels a bit soothing, and Alec finds a moment to just breathe, before he’ll need to get out of this car to face the word again.

“So, your brother is not very reliable?” Magnus asks, breaking the silence and Alec laughs briefly at his words.

“It’s not one of his greatest qualities.” He states and Magnus hums in answer. “But he got held up in work, it isn’t really his fault.”

“So you share a car?” Magnus question next.

“In theory we do, but it doesn’t really work like that.” They both laugh briefly at his words. “We also live together. With my younger sister.”

“Must be fun.” Magnus resorts and Alec nods as a reply.

There are another few moments of silence, before Alec finally builds up a courage to ask.

“Do you study at the university too?”

“Oh, no.” Magnus makes a sound between a snort and a chuckle. “I’m way past that.”

“What do you do then?” Alec questions interested.

“I’m a chemist.” Magnus states. “I work in a lab nearby your collage. We mostly make cosmetics for some firms, but it’s a nice job. I did study chemistry at your university some time ago.”

“Sound nice.” Alec resorts with a smile.

“It is, really. The atmosphere is nice, I actually get to work with some of my friends. And I get to do something I truly like. I couldn’t really dream of a better job.”

Alec hums in answer and finds himself amused, listening to Magnus talk with such passion about his work. He might get a little lost in his thoughts again, but Magnus’ voice brigs him back to reality again.

“So you study law?” He prompts. “Any particular reason for it?”

Alec seems to think a bit about the answer. As a child, he always thought of becoming a lawyer. He wanted to be like his parents. But now, it’s not really the thought of making his parents proud that’s driven him into this. In some small part it might still be the urge of his parents, the fear of letting them down even more. But mostly it’s another thing.

“I guess I just want to do something good for people.” He finally replies. “Help them, you know?”

“Yeah, I get it.”

With that words, they basically reach the driveway of the university, and Alec realises he doesn’t really want to leave. He could stay with Magnus here and just talk. It’s nice, and Alec hasn’t felt like that in… ever really.

Magnus doesn’t push him to get out, he just turns to him and smiles softly.

“Don’t worry about the exam. I’m sure it’ll be fine.” He comforts again and Alec nods letting out a nervous breath. “But you do need to get going, if you want to make it.”

“Yeah, right I-“ Alec rambles again and Magnus chuckles. “I-, thank you, you really did save my life I-“

“It’s fine, really.” Magnus says, and as he puts his hand on Alec’s thigh in a reassuring gesture he can feel electricity and the pleasant fire caused by the touch. Alec does his best to supress the gasp, that wants to escape his lips.

“Thank you.” Alec just repeats at one exhale.

“Good luck on the test.” Magnus states then and Alec eventually moves to get out of the car.

“Yeah, I- , thanks.” Alec scowls himself for how much he can find his way with words now. “Have a good day at work.” He settles for that and for the last time, catches Magnus’ smile as he closes the door and heads to the building.

He quickly climbs the stairs to reach the hall, but before he gets to open the door to enter, a slim figure with long blonde hair is barring his way.

“Who drove you here?” Lydia asks, simply cutting to the point, not even bothering with ‘hello’. A stern expression on her face, hands clasped on her chest as she eyes Alec curiously.

“Hello to you too, Lydia.” Alec flashes her a tight smile.” What are you talking about?” He tries to circle his friend, but she doesn’t let him.

“I mean,” She puts a hand on his shoulder to stop him, pushing him back. “who gave you a ride?”

“How do you know I didn’t take the bus?” Alec questions as he finally looks down at her.

Actually, he knows why she does. After two years of friendship he learnt that Lydia sees everything, and hears everything. She knows every gossip going around the campus, every person. She’s the leader of the student council and pays attention to every single detail. Alec teases her that she doesn’t have a life, always stalking her friends, but he adores her for caring so much. When they found out Max was sick she’s been there for him. And even when they tease and poke at each other, he knows he can always count on her.

“You know, how I know.” She just states with a grin, and then continues. “I saw you getting out of that car, and I know it wasn’t yours and Jace’s, it wasn’t even your parents’, which would be rather concerning too-“

“You know what my parents’ car looks like?” Alec asks, his eyes widening. Lydia truly has eyes and ears everywhere, not only the campus it seems.

“Of course I know, but it’s not the point now, Alec.” Lydia carries on. “The point is, who drove you today.”

She just stands there and continues to look at him. He knows she won’t let go. She never does, but still, he tries to lead her on.

“It was a friend.”

Lydia only snorts to that.

“Alec, you and I both know that you don’t have any other friends, besides these ones I know.”

“Wow, thank you for believing in my social skills, Lydia.” Alec replies jokingly.

She rolls her eyes and picks back up regardless his comment.

“Why don’t you want to tell me? Who the hell was that?” She wonders, more asking the questions to herself, than to Alec, and as he tries to get past her once more, she stops him again. “Wait! Black car, mysterious person… Alec I swear to God, if you got yourself into some shady business-“

“You really think that less of me?” Lydia opens her mouth to reply, but he interrupts again. “No, I don’t do drugs or any other stuff, I’m not a part of any gang, I’m not selling myself.” He sighs. “What other worries of yours can I decrease, Lydia?” He adds more teasingly, but Lydia’s expressions turns more serious.

“Alec, of course I don’t think that of you. You know I’m just worried, with… everything that’s going on in your life.” She gently rubs his arm with her palm. “And, you can decrease my worries, but telling me who this mysterious person is.” She adds, already brightening up.

“Fine.” He finally gives in. “It was a guy I met at the hospital today. Jace messed up, and he offered me a ride, so I took it.”

Lydia’s expression turns even more suspicious, with a hint of fear behind it.

“Okay, who are you and what did you do to the Alec Lightwood I know?” She asks holding out her hand in a ‘hold up’ gesture, and Alec’s only answer is to roll his eyes at her.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Alec, I love you, but you don’t talk to people.” She shakes her head. “There’s no way you would talk to some stranger on the street, you would just brush him of.” A glint lits up in her eyes, and Alec sees the thoughts running through her brain in her eyes. “Unless…”

“Unless, what?” Alec asks unenthusiastically.

Lydia straightens herself and a playful grin is playing at her face as she prompts again.

“Was he hot?”

“Lydia!” Alec just grunts and finally circles her to enter the class. She chuckles as she follows close behind.

“Alec, that’s the only explanation. Are you lonely?” She teases. “Do you need some love in your life?”

“There’s no time for love in my schedule, Lydia.” Alec states simply as he pulls out his notes from his backpack to look through them again. “But business law exam is.”

“I don’t think love really cares about your schedule.” Lydia whispers, as she slides into a chair next to him.

He throws her one last glare as she grins back at him and then a teacher enters the hall.

For the first time in his life Alec was thankful for an exam, ‘cause Lydia didn’t get a chance to interrogate him even more. Unless for an hour. Right after the class ended she jumped on him with another wave of questions he really didn’t feel like answering.

So mostly, he didn’t.

Somehow he managed to go through the rest of the classes, and it was finally time to go home.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Lydia.” He says when they leave the campus, and he turns to head in the direction of a bus stop.

“Wait!” Lydia calls after him, after he takes a few steps. “You forgot?”

“Forgot, what?” Alec frowns. He quickly scans his daily agenda in his mind, trying to recall something other than the usual.

“We were supposed to study together today. For the law ethics exam?” Lydia reminds him.

Shit, he did forget.

Seems like his head is in totally different place today. He tries to reason with himself, that it has nothing to do with a handsome stranger he met this morning, but it’s a pointless fight. In every class today he caught himself thinking of Magnus. Of the way his eyes were focused back on the road, or the words of reassurance he offered him, or that smile he gave him when Alec was leaving the car…

“Alec!” Lydia’s yell pulls him out of his thoughts. “Too busy thinking of that hot stranger?” She teases and Alec just rolls his eyes.

“I wasn’t thinking about him.” He states, but by the way this words come out, he’s pretty sure he’s betraying himself.

“Sure you weren’t.” Lydia resorts sarcastically, of course hearing the change in his voice, then she comes closer to him. “But seriously, if you’re busy tonight we can reschedule. The exam isn’t in another week-“

“No, it’s fine. It just completely slipped my mind.” Alec admits. “Let’s go to my place.”

“Okay.” Lydia answers simply and together in comfortable silence they march to the bus stop. Then Lydia eventually breaks the silence, when they enter the bus. Her tone teasing and light, as she leans in to Alec. “So are you going to tell me more about that guy of yours?”

He grunts again. Lydia seems to enjoy this too much. He wishes he was able to keep his mouth shut around her. But her questioning eyes and stern expression are enough to make him talk. Lydia can be terrifying when she wants to. That’s how Alec knows she’s going to be an amazing lawyer.

But he doesn’t speak, when Lydia still rumbles about that guy, with an amused grin on her face.

Soon, they reach Alec’s apartment. He quickly unlocks the door, and lets Lydia in.

The flat itself isn’t much. They didn’t really afford a lot, when they decided to move out. But all Izzy, Jace and Alec have separate bedrooms (thank God, because Jace tends to bring girls home quite often). There’s a living room connected to the kitchen area, and one bathroom. It’s enough. If someone wants to stay over, there’s always a couch in the living room. They don’t really need anything more.

“Hi!” Isabelle speaks when they enter the apartment. “Lydia, it’s so good to see you!” She exclaims and moves to hug her. “What brings you here?”

“Hi, Izzy. Long-time no see.” The blonde girl states with a smile. “We’re going to study.”

“Of course you are.” Izzy puts her hands on her hips. “You always are. Seems like Alec only brings you here for you to be his teacher.”

The girls laugh as they all move to the kitchen, and Alec puts some drinks out of the fridge.

“We’ll see who’s going to be teaching who.” He mocks, and Lydia throws him a glare.

“So,” Isabelle prompts as he leans on her elbows against the kitchen counter. “How was the exam today?”

Alec doesn’t know how she does it, but Izzy seems to remember everyone’s schedule, with her own not being very carefree. She’s studying forensic pathology, first year, and she’s still getting used to all of the collage stuff. But that doesn’t make her any less observant. Maybe she just always notices how nervous Alec becomes when the exams are coming up…

“It was good.” Alec answers her question after a while, looking at Lydia who nods in confirmation.

“Wait, you got to take it today?” Suddenly Jace’s voice sounds as he makes his way to the kitchen to join the rest. He quickly greets Lydia, but mostly, his gaze remains focused on Alec. “You said there was no way you’d make it on time.” He adds with curiosity in his eyes.

“Alec got a ride...” Lydia begins in a chanting tone. “From a man…”

And here it goes.

“What?!” Isabelle exclaims, straightening from the counter. “From who? Do I know him? How does he look like? Is he handsome?-“

“Maybe one question at a time Izzy.” Alec scolds, not exactly meeting her eyes, but also turning from Jace’s inquisitive gaze.

At first sight, Jace may appear as the type of careless, irresponsible bad boy, who can have anything he wants. But it’s not exactly true. He does care about a lot of things, his family the most. He worries too, even when he tries not let it show. And since Alec’s mental health has been getting quite worse considering Max’s current state, he’s become rather overprotective. True, he is irresponsible sometimes. Especially after a night out, including a few drinks and a fight with some girl. He did broke the living room table (twice), but still, he’s a good person.

Another thing about the Lightwood siblings, is that they have developed some kind of obsession with Alec’s dating life. Growing up, he didn’t really have any love life. He realised he was gay around the age of fifteen, told his siblings a year later, which they all accepted with no judgement. He decided to come out to his parents at his eighteen birthday, and he did. That’s when hell broke loose. His father had nothing else to say, than that Alec’s a disgrace to his family. That he’s no man, and he’ll never be, unless he stops fooling around and gets a grip. He even threatened to throw him out of the house, and if not his mother, he probably would have. But she wasn’t very pleased with Alec either. They hadn’t even spoken for about a month, later they only talked to each other when they needed something…

He spend most of his life just being scared of who he is, and trying to repress all of these feelings. He was never really looking for love, always too busy with studying. He wanted to make his parents proud, and they hated him as a person, so he thought maybe he would be able to impress them with his achievements.

It didn’t work, but still he needed to keep his mind occupied.

He did have one boyfriend when he was starting college, Raj, but things between them didn’t really go so well…

After their break up, Jace became even more concerned and overprotective.

But earlier whenever there was an occasion, Alec’s siblings liked to take it. They tried to set him up a few times (to which he either refused, or it ended up being a total disaster), but mostly they just need to know everything to make sure Alec is okay. And he loves them for that, but can’t help the feeling that it’s him who's supposed to protected them, he’s their big brother, and they shouldn’t worry about him so much. He can handle himself. He just  needs to take care of his siblings first, that’s his job…

“So, who was he?” Jace asks, when Alec still refuses to meet his eyes.

“Come on, Alec, tell us!” Izzy beams enthusiastically.

Alec lets out a long exhale, but he knows there’s no point in trying to lead them on. They’ll find out anyway. Either from Lydia, or somehow from him.

“It was just a guy I met at the hospital.” He begins. “He offered me a ride, so I took it.”

“A total stranger?” His brother prompts.

“Well… yeah, I guess so.”

“Alec, you realise-“ Jace tries again, to which Alec jus growls in frustration.

“God, Jace I’m not five. If he had been a serial killer I would just run off or something.”

“I know,” Jace attempts with a little less judgement now. “I know, but you know I’m just worried.”

“Yeah.” Alec sighs. “But you don’t need to. I’m okay, and I’ll probably never see him again, so really, no worries.”

Jace still eyes him cautiously, but after a while nods, and lets it go. For now.

“Okay,” Isabelle starts now. “Since we can be done fearing for your life, now get to the details.”

She smiles teasingly, joining Lydia at the other end of the counter, and they both wait for him to elaborate.

“There’s nothing more to talk about.” He just states solely. “We drove, talked a bit and that’s all.”

“That’s all he’s been telling me the whole day!” Lydia grunts. “Seriously, it’ll be a miracle if you’ll get something more out of him.” She turns to Izzy with a resigned expression.

“Oh, don’t worry.” A smirk is creeping onto his sister’s face. “I have my ways.”

Alec just looks at her with brows raised in question to which she shrugs.

“First, what did you talk about?” She asks, and somehow Alec knows he doesn’t want her to get to that part when she’s threatening to embarrass him with their childhood stroies in front of his only friend, so he bends.

“Just work, and school.” He shrugs.

“Okay, what’s his name? He did get a name, right?” Isabelle continues.

“Yeah, I’m not stupid.” Alec snorts. “It’s Magnus.”

He feels his cheeks reddening with even a mention of his name. This isn’t normal, he thinks. Thinking about him, gives him this weird feeling in his stomach. He’s not sure if it’s good or bad yet.

Isabelle just smiles, less jokingly this time, as she prompts another question.

“Would you like to see him again?”

Alec doesn’t really need to think as his mind slips him an answer immediately. Yes, of course yes, a million times yes. And to be honest, it’s scary. Because Alec hasn’t let himself want something so much in a very long time. Or probably ever.

“It doesn’t matter.” He resorts firmly. “Even if I wanted to, it’s unlikely that we will ever meet again.” He swiftly turns to Lydia and adds. “Come on, we need to study.”

With that, he drags her out of the kitchen, ignoring any words of protest, and they head to his bedroom to study.

He needs to take his mind of off thinking about Magnus.

The rest of the week passes normally. He goes to classes every day, writes a few articles and sends them to a local newspaper, so he can get at least a bit of money. Before he knows it, it’s Wednesday again, which means it’s time for another session with Mr Fell.

It also goes smoothly, they talk, sit in silence, anything that makes him comfortable. Mr Fell doesn’t push, and Alec is glad he doesn’t. They both know it will take time for him to open up. Or at least Alec hopes so, he really wouldn’t like to waste Mr Fell’s time.

Soon, the session is over and when he heads out after briefly visiting Max, he hears his name being called. He turns and he’s met with that handsome face again.

So when a not so unfamiliar stranger offers him a ride again, he doesn’t really hesitate to say yes.

[iron-and-ink]

hollow bones

The thing no one thinks about is that even though shadowhunter are part angel they can still get sick

It doesn’t happen often but it does sometimes

And when it happens that shit is real and nasty and sometimes they don’t even realize its sickness until it turns into a tailspin

So of course when Alec Lightwood gets sick he brushes it off as fatigue, especially with being the new head of the institute and trying to clean up all the shit mess his parents and Aldertree had created

It starts as something small, if he stood from his desk to fast his vision would cloud over and his feet would rush up to him, the cough comes a month later, the dizzy spells still happen but they don't happen enough that he feels concern, but the cough is persistent

There's a fleeting moment, where he's laying in bed next to magnus after a night of patrol, he's curled around magnus and his skin is warm and he feels happy, he has to roll away from magnus and dart into the bathroom to avoid waking him with his coughing fit, it leaves him breathless and on his knees, his chest heaving with the exertion, his hand comes away from his mouth spotted red

He tries to think about how long he's had the cough but it's been so long he doesn't even know when it first sprung up, but it's no big deal he tells himself, maybe a cold or the flu, he knows shadowhunter can contract human illnesses, it'll go away he tells himself, he washes his hands and wipe away a small spot of blood on his chin and goes back to bed, back to magnus

But things don't get better they get even worse, he notices himself getting weaker, his strength rune starts losing its touch no matter how many times he activates it, he can't draw his bow string back all the way and every time he shoots an arrow it leaves him gasping for breath

His cough gets worse, it rattles his bones and leaves him breathless and weak, with the coughing spells comes fainting spells, thankfully they only happen when he's alone but he notices himself losing time

"It's fine." he tells himself after a late night of doing paperwork, he had told magnus he would be home two hours ago but lost track of time, he's almost to the door when everything blurs together and then black out

He wakes to magnus hovering over him, blue sparks fluttering over his face “what happened” “why don’t you tell me. I came to get my boyfriend, who was late by the way, just to find him passed out with a nasty cut to his head.” alec feels for the cut but it’s already been healed “I just need to sleep it off” (not really but okay alec)

Magnus knows something is wrong but doesn’t ask, doesn’t push, because he knows alec will only push back, so he just watches his boyfriend

Izzy points out how bad his dark circles have gotten, simon comments on how their skin color is almost the same in paleness, luke tells him that even though he is the head and is responsible for this institute he’s more responsible for his own health (who’s gonna take care of everyone else if alec isn’t there), but ultimately it’s jace who notices the most

He can feel something through the bond, he can feel how weighed down alec is, how tired and weak he is, but there’s something physical there that he can’t determine, he asks luke about it but the former parabatai doesn’t have answers

When jace brings up that he can feel all the bad things from alec the later dismisses his worries but now knows something really might be wrong

So after two hours on the internet, webmd, mayo clinic, wikipedia, he exhausts all engines and there's a grim reaper hanging over his head

Apparently it’s cancer

Alec stares at a white screen for another hour not believing it, hes a shadowhunter, he’s one of the best shadowhunters, he fights demons and creatures that go bump in the night everyday, he’s leading his people when everyone told him he would never be able to

And he’s going to die because of a mundane illness

All the websites tell him to go see a specialist, so he finds the first mundane doctor he can and make an appointment

He hides his runes and dresses down in clothes izzy had gotten him to blend in, the doctor is a woman named Dr. Lazarus and alec can’t help but laugh, she asks him for all his symptoms and for how long they’ve been around and alec realizes it’s been about a year, she finds rashes on his back and when she presses on his abdomen it’s extremely tender, she takes vials of blood and assures him it’s probably not cancer, that his imagination is probably just running wild, but he can see the shadows in her eyes

It’s cancer

Leukemia apparently

She talks about never having seen the strain that's killing him and alec bites his lip, it’s probably his angelic blood messing with the disease, she talks about doctors who will want to see him and review his file, talks about finding trials for him to join but all alec feels is tired and so done

She must notice it because she sends him home with a follow up appointment in two days and a pamphlet for a group

It’s a double negative because Alec realizes that his own people won’t be able to help him, they haven't followed mundane illnesses to closely because shadowhunters only get sick once in a blue moon and when they do it’s usually just a cold, not terminal cancer, no one can help him

He has a one man pity party for about three hours before he cancels his follow up appointment with the doctor and throws out the papers she had given him, including his test results

Two weeks later izzy had talked him into a sparring session and alec needs to keep up appearances so he says yes, it starts out okay, he’s slow so she gets in a couple jabs, when she has her back turned he activates a couple runes that don’t really do anything for him anymore, the cancer is doing something inside him and it’s affecting his angelic side

He’s sweaty and breathless when izzy gets a good jab to his chest with her staff, his lungs lock up and he can’t breathe, his chest heaves and thuds in protest, his knees hit the mat hard and is hands fly to his chest, izzy is screaming for help as she gets him on his back and draws an iratze over the bruising wound, it doesn’t work, his bruise doesn’t heal and he passes out

He wakes up in the infirmary, izzy, jace, clary, simon, and magnus all talking around him, about what happened and what to do, he bites back a cough that tries to break free, his chest rattles and a breathless sound escapes

Izzy tells him the silent brothers are on their way, that they'll figure this out, but they can’t, jace must see it or sense it because he calls him out

“you can’t fix this” “of course we can alec” “no, not this” “and what is this”

Cancer

“alec it’s gonna be okay we’re gonna-“

“it’s cancer. i have cancer.”

Nobody speaks, izzy has tears streaming down her face and simon is hugging her, clary has her arms around jace who won’t stop staring at him, but alec is looking down at his hands, can’t stand to face their reactions

The bed dips next to him and ring covered hands cover his that are limp in lap, he looks up at his boyfriend, magnus’s eyes are soft just like his smile, he doesn’t offer alec and kind words or false hopes but just to be there

It’s what alec needed, what he wanted

They keep alec’s diagnosis under wraps, less the clave find out, Lydia comes back from alicante to help oversee the proceedings of the institute, she gives kind words to alec who just smiles and nods his head

The cancer becomes more aggressive over the next month, his strength deteriorates the fastest, eventually he can’t even stand on his own for more than two minutes, he starts losing weight rapidly and his hair starts to fall out

The doctors have never seen this strain nor the cancer act so aggressively, they’re baffled by his case and urge him to join experimental trials but he turns them all down

Magnus dove head first into finding a cure, he enlists the help of Catarina who is hesitant at first but does agree to lend help

They don’t find anything and it’s getting too near to the shadowhunters end that all alec wants is to spend time with those most precious to him

Magnus spends the next three days curled up in bed with alec, help him lean over the trash can as he throws up, wiping the sweat from his body and rubbing his back when he falls into coughing fits

On the fourth day alec says his goodbyes to magnus who cries and tells him that it’s not fair, that he just found him and wasn’t ready to leave

Alec is too delirious the next day to notice magnus slip out of the bedroom and go to his study, magnus digs out an old book that had been tucked behind other books on his shelf, the pages are yellowed from time and there’s a film on dust between the pages

He finds the summoning spell and takes his time to draw the circle in the middle of his floor, the candles he lines the circle with flare black as he chants the spell

The demon he summons is old, older than magnus and probably older than the warlocks father as well, he is sat in a black cushioned hair in a pressed black suit, a blood red tie and a small pin on the lapels of his suit jacket

“I know what you seek young one” the demons words are soft and even “can you grant me what i seek” magnus tries to appear apathetic about the situation but the demon only smiles at him and stands, the chair disappearing in a cloud of black smoke “you know everything comes at a price” “name it” “what you seek is time, what I want is some of your time”

Magnus agreed because what would his useless eternity of time without alec?

The demon takes two hundred years of magnus immortal time, magnus doesn’t get it at first, what is two hundred years to him as an immortal but then, everyone has a set life span don’t they?

All the demon does is pull some of magnus’s time from him and then snaps his fingers “it is done” and then a cloud of black smoke rushes through the room disturbing the summoning circle

Magnus climbs into bed that night with a smile on his face knowing that his beloved would be okay

It takes a week for alec to recover from the disease but they call it a miracle, magnus knows alec suspects something but he never brings it up

Things are good after that, magnus and alec grow closer and even more in love with each other

They get little Max, their blueberry and alec doesn’t think he could be any happier, but then magnus proposes and they adopt Raphael

And things are perfect

(alt ending)

[lorenzobane]

Whatever It Takes

(AO3 Link) 

Magnus knows. Magnus knows. Magnus knows.             Until suddenly--                                              He doesn’t.

And Alec knows better than most that Magnus’s moments of weakness, those rare moments he falters when he’s human in a way that Alec desperately wants to sink his teeth into because yes. He’s not alone. Magnus is here in the mud with him- struggling and making mistakes and fucking up. Those are the moments that people latch on to. It's unfair, and its cruel, centuries and centuries of being right more often than wrong somehow barely matter. What’s crazy, and what Alec hasn’t figured out how to say, is that he wants that. He wants the blood, and the tears, and the sweat on his brow. He thinks its ridiculously cute that Magnus bruises easily. That Alec barely needs to press his fingers into Magnus’s trim, muscular hips to leave bruises makes him happy. Mostly because... Well, mostly because he doesn’t want to seem like a crazy person. Intellectually, he knows that Magnus wakes up with morning breath and he needs to shit, just like any other human being. But Magnus just won’t show him. He tries his best to understand. He tries to imagine how he would respond to Magnus suddenly became cruel, the way Camille did. If a person who loved him, and helped him, and literally pulled him off the ledge, suddenly began corroding at his heart and his soul. If Alec is honest, he’s not entirely sure he’d ever recover. But Magnus did. He kept loving, and trusting and giving- and fuck. He wants to say all of this one day, he wants decades and decades to say the things he’s not ready to say yet. But Magnus is somehow both stubborn and dying. A combination he’s mostly convinced that no one else has mastered. “Let me in, Magnus,” Alec says, pounding on the magical separation for what feels like the thousandth time. Magnus glares at him, infuriatingly put together considering he has blood pouring down his mouth. “We have no proof I’m not going to kill you. We will wait until Isabelle is finished.” “Izzy,” he says to be contrary, “thinks that you shouldn’t be alone.” Because it’s a Warlock illness. Lilith, having figured out that Magnus is the one putting her evil plan together, decides to punish him. She corrupts the ley lines in such a sadistically specific way, so she’s physically ionizing Magnus from the inside out. Magnus shakes his head as much as he can and lays back down. The only victory he has won thus far is that Magnus should rest. “Magnus,” Alec tries again. “This is an illness designed for you. No one else can get hurt. I won’t be hurt. Please, let me be with you.” To hold you, to wipe the sweat from your brow, to be trusted by you. Magnus stares at him. “We don’t know that.” “Yes, we do!” Alec yells. “Everyone with more than two brain cells says so. So please, just... Drop the barrier. Let me be there.” Magnus stares at him again, and he looks ashamed. Weak. Alec hates it. “I... I’m not myself. I can’t... be me right now.” Alec glares at him. “You think I care? You could be projectile vomiting, and I would still want to be there.” Magnus glares back, “there is no need to be disgusting.” Alec rolls his eyes, “baby. I’m a shadowhunter. I am covered in disgusting fluids most of the day--” “Well, you’re really more of a bureaucrat now-” Alec doesn’t dignify that with a response. Instead, he leans back against the wall and stares at Magnus. “I don’t... It’s hard. I don’t want you to see me like this. Disgusting, and weak.” Alec responds, “you’ve never been disgusting.” They look at each other for a moment, and Magnus looks away. Well, to be fair more vomits away. Alec hates watching because he sees the bright red leave Magnus’s mouth and he knows that the blood loss is going to start getting bad. Magnus has been using spells to keep his blood pressure up, but sooner rather than later, he’s going to get tired.   Magnus is quiet long enough that Alec just continues, “please. Magnus. I love you. Don’t... I can’t take it. You being in there, suffering alone. At least let me be with you.” The spell drops. Alec rushes to Magnus’s side before he can think, and Magnus looks terrible. There are times when they are fucking (”making love” his traitorous and obnoxious mind insist) Magnus has looked wrecked, panting and trusting and Alec’s. He doesn’t look like that now. He looks shattered, and Alec can’t fix him. He smells sick. Alec’s shadowhunter senses aren’t terribly helpful now, because he can smell the rot right under Magnus’s skin and he’s scared. “Magnus,’ he says, to distract himself. “Everyone is looking. Us, the Warlocks, the Vampires, hell- for reasons I can’t understand, even the Silent Brothers.” “I’m likable” Magnus replies, he has a small smirk on his face while he pretends to be brave. Alec ignores that and reaches for the bowl of cold water Magnus summoned fifteen minutes ago, and gently dips a cloth into it, pressing the water against his sweating head. “I do have to tell you though,” Magnus says, his lips are dry and chapped this close up, “that I’m not sure how much longer I can keep my blood levels up. Exsanguination might be a more pressing problem than anything else.” “Can you please,” Alec starts, sighing heavily, “not use the word exsanguinate when you’re talking about yourself?” “Is there a better word?” Alec thinks about it for a second, and says, “probably not, but luckily that won’t be a problem because we’re going to fix it before it gets that far.” “Speaking of,” Magnus says, laying down fully and closing his eyes, “why are you here? I thought you’d be out busting balls.” Alec shakes his head ruefully, “unfortunately ley line magic theory and greater demons are a bit above my understanding. I was just slowing Cat and Izzy down, and making them waste time explaining their theories in regular people terms just wasn’t a good way to help you. At least here, I can be with you, try to make things a little less painful, and you can borrow my strength.” “You’re cute,” Magnus says, his eyes still closed as he talks, his lips just barely parting to form words. Alec smiles fondly, as worried as he is, now that he is at Magnus’ side the problem feels solvable. Magnus’s skin under his hand, cold and clammy it may be, remind Alec that for the moment Magnus is breathing. Alec opens his mouth to respond when Magnus shoots up suddenly and leans over the bed to grab the bucket next to him. He gags violently, the scent of blood and bile filling the space. Magnus’s body trembles as tears of pain and frustration edge at the corners of his eyes. “How much longer do you think you can hold up?” Alec asks softly, he wants an honest answer. Magnus shakes his head as he lays back down, “honestly, Alexander, it’s a miracle that I’ve even lasted this long.” “That is because you’re the most stubborn person on Earth,” Alec replies, filling his voice with false confidence. “That still doesn’t answer my question though.” “I’m giving myself probably another half an hour before I don’t have the strength to replenish my blood,” Magnus says, his voice calm and even. Alec pulls out his phone to check if Izzy has any messages, his heart clenching when he has no new notifications. “Give me a second,” Alec says, and Magnus gives a disinterested hum as he seems to slip into a light slumber. Alec moves swiftly out of the room, hoping not to wake him up. He punches Izzy’s number, and it rings for a moment, before she answers, breathless, “Alec! How is he?” “Not great,” Alec says, understating drastically. “Please tell me you have a solution.” “I think we’re close,” she says, distracted. “The problem is Lilith didn’t corrupt the Ley Lines in a straightforward, “poisoning the well” way, it is just affecting Magnus. So, short of temporarily redirecting the entire line and letting it reset, we don’t know what to do.” “So why don’t we just do that?” Alec asks. Izzy goes silent for a moment, “are you asking me why we aren’t redirecting a line of pure archaic magic?” “Magnus did it once,” Alec reminds her. “Yeah!” she says, slightly hysterical, “He’s Magnus. We don’t have anyone else who can do that!” “Can’t Caterina?” Izzy makes a noise in the back of her throat, “Maybe! But if she can’t, she’ll be burned alive. Magnus would never, ever forgive us if that happened.” Alec wants more than anything to remind her that what Magnus thinks won’t matter if they aren’t able to actually save him. He shoves it down. “What if she had help? I can give her my strength, or Clary can. I mean Clary has pure Angel blood! That has to count for something. Or, we both can. Come on, Izzy- we have a solution! We just need to make it work. I am not letting him die because we weren’t creative enough to save him! Fuck that.” Alec takes a deep breath, he didn’t even realize he started yelling at some point. Izzy goes silent on the other end, and says, “Let me talk to Cat. I’ll call you back.” When he walks back in, Magnus is still asleep. His skin is paler than Alec has ever seen it, and now that he is getting closer he can see that Magnus’s body is shaking violently, and Alec can see why. He has sweat through his blanket and the sheet underneath, the cool fabric feeling undoubtedly worse against his overheated skin. “Hey,” Alec says softly, as Magnus stirs. He blinks up, confused and slow like he isn’t sure exactly where he is. “Hey, yourself,” he says after a moment. His voice is rough and dry, so Alec gently helps him up and gives him water. “We have a solution,” Alec says eventually. Magnus turns to him as sharply as he can, “really? That is wonderful, what is it?” Alec hesitates. He knows Magnus if he implies that either he or Cat will be in any danger, he’ll riot (as much as his weakened body will allow). Alec spends a second more, hedging his bets before responding, “I’ll tell you when it’s confirmed. Izzy is talking to Cat about it right now.” As he says that, his phone pings. Alec glances down, and he sees a text from Izzy, with a simple “Come upstairs. Cat agreed.” Alec swallows nervously but goes to put his phone back in his pocket. “Cat just agreed. I have to go upstairs to help out, I’ll come back when it’s done.” “When what is done?” Magnus asks nervously. He has a weak grip on Alec’s wrist, his shaking cold hand on Alec’s pulse point solidifies what he has to do. He would do anything for Magnus, this is easy. Alec gently pulls out of Magnus’s grasp, “we found a solution for the Ley Lines.” Magnus makes an impatient noise, “Well, what is the solution.” “I’ll tell you later,” Alec says, pressing a kiss against Magnus’s chapped, cold lips which are parted slightly in outrage. “No,” Magnus says, his voice haughty and imperial, “you will tell me right now, Alec.” “We’re going to redirect the Ley Line to let it reset,” Alec says in a rush as he continues towards the door. “And by we, you don’t mean… You can’t mean…” Magnus says, his eyes going wide. He tries to pull himself up, desperate to stand. Alec rushes back to push him down gently. “We’ll be fine, I’m going to give her my strength. It’s going to be fine, and I’ll come right back when we’re done.” “Alec,” Magnus says urgently. “This is dangerous, Cat has Madzie, you can’t let her… Not for me. Please, I’m not worth this.” Alec shakes his head, “I’m sorry you feel that way, Magnus. But we all disagree. You are more than worth this. Besides, you once did this by yourself, I think the two of us can handle it.” Magnus shakes his head again, his eyes are wide with terror, and Alec feels terrible for a moment before he shakes it out. Magnus dying isn’t an option, so they will do what it takes. He walks towards the door without looking back, he can hear Magnus’s panicked breathing as he walks away and everything in his body wants to turn back and pull Magnus into his arms but he can’t. They don’t have the luxury of time. When he gets upstairs, Caterina, Izzy, Clary, and Jace are already there. Izzy is standing by the metal lever while Clary stands to the right of Cat and Jace guards the door.

“I’m going to need both of you,” Cat says sharply, looking between Clary and Alec. “I am going to need to hold it for a full five minutes, much longer than I will be able to stand alone.” With that, she pulls her sleeves up and gestures for Clary and Alec to each grab an outstretched forearm. Her fingers spread wide as she gets ready to channel the energy through her. “On my count,” Cat says, her eyes fixed firmly in front of her. “One… Two… Three… Now.” Izzy flips the lever, and as soon as she does, pure white energy begins coursing through Cat. Alec feels the magic under her skin, burning and intense, so he immediately channels his own power, forcing it through her and allowing the magic to travel through him as well. It is agony, he can’t imagine that Magnus once did this by himself because the pain is unreal. It is like pressure on all sides, threatening to burst his skull, the magic is white hot and heavy. Alec will never again be curious about what it would be like to be covered in molten lava. Time stretches and snaps, popping in and out of Alec’s head like daisies. It could be seconds or hours, but all Alec can focus on is Magnus. He breathes through the pain and thinks about Magnus’s weak, cold hand on his wrist and knows that he has to stand his ground. When it ends, Alec collapses slightly, as to Clary and Cat. Distantly, he hears Izzy run frantically up to them, gently pulling Alec back up. “Did it work?” Alec manages. “We won’t know until we…” Izzy starts, before cutting herself off slightly. “Yes, I daresay it did work,” a new voice cuts into the room. Alec turns around, his face already split into a weak smile because standing on the door frame, leaning heavily, and still clearly weak, is Magnus. The blood loss and, the physical pain of the poisoning remain evident in the tired tilt of his eyes, but he’s standing, and he looks like he has already regained some strength. “Oh thank the Angel,” he hears Clary say, her voice thick with tears. Alec moves without meaning to until he’s in front of Magnus and pulling him into a bear hug, “Thank the Angel. I love you so much. I am so, so glad it worked.” “My hero,” Magnus says with a dry twist on his lips, but his eyes give his act away. They are shining with love and worry. “Never do that again though, Alexander. If I find out that you have endangered Caterina ever again…” “Hey, old man,” Cat says cutting in. “It was my idea too, don’t blame the infant.” Alec rolls his eyes, “Yeah. We had to do something, what was the other option?” Magnus raises his eyes pointedly, “fine. Thank you all very much. God knows that dying like that would have been humiliating. Not at all my style.” Alec opens his mouth to say something, but what comes out instead is a sob, because Magnus is right there. He’s standing, and joking, even though he is in a thin t-shirt and loose pants he has never looked more like himself, or more beautiful. Magnus’s eyes turn back to him in an instant and Alec is pulled back into his arms. The smell of rot that was under Magnus’s skin before is dissipating, leaving behind his natural scent and it makes Alec shake even more. “I think,” Magnus says, “it might be time for all of us to go to bed.” Alec nods into Magnus’s shoulder, “that sounds like a great idea.” When they are back in Alec’s room at the institute, and after Magnus has showered and changed, Alec lets himself breathe. Seeing Magnus come so close to death, so close that if they had been slower, he could have died in a brutal, painful, way, it terrifies him. Alec already knows he is going to have nightmares about this for years, but for the moment, Magnus is settling next to him, tired and warm. His heartbeat is steady in his chest, and his breathing is constant, and it is better than any symphony ever composed. “I love you,” Magnus says softly, his head is resting on Alec’s shoulder, so the soft puffs of air hit his neck. “Magnus,” Alec starts, swallowing hard. “I love you, too. I love you more than you can even imagine.” “Thank you for saving my life,” Magnus continues, his voice still soft. Alec pulls Magnus close, so his body is resting more entirely on top of Alec like a sizeable muscular blanket. “Trust me when I say, there was no other choice.”