#I do worry about those implications tho

[yepmadness]

“The Ghosts at the window echo all our quiet Prayers…”

Yeah so, there is definitely a theme of loss/grief this season, and the different ways of addressing and dealing with it. Of acknowledging it. And how it changes over time. These aren’t even all of them (clearly, I mean, Arthur died too—I’d count John understanding himself as like a rebirth) I just picked three I thought fit with the lyrics from “The Garden” by the Crane Wives.

[wheeboo]

mine | joshua hong

SYNOPSIS. in which joshua is the best thing that's ever been... yours. PAIRING. joshua hong x gn!reader (ft. cheol, jeonghan, soonyoung, mingyu, chan - they don't rlly have dialogue tho lol) GENRE. fluff, some angst, hurt/comfort, friends to lovers, established relationship WARNINGS. a very very brief shirtless joshua moment LMAO, implications of reader having a toxic ex, mentions that reader's parents have a rocky relationship and separate, kissing, terms of endearment, reader and joshua have a lil argument WORD COUNT. 3.6k

requested from @staranghae: joshua + mine by taylor swift for the 2k followers event please 🩷🎀

notes: i am fluent in this song!!!! whenever my love playlist comes on and this plays i literally scream lungs out!!! and shua fits this vibe so much <3

join the 2k celebration!

ONE. "i was a flight risk, with a fear of falling / wondering why we bother with love, if it never lasts..."

Maybe you've always underestimated how the feeling of fresh air hitting your lungs makes you feel so replenished, free, like a single whiff blows away those gusts of worry in an instant.

Your fingers carry a tight, secure grip on Seungcheol's surfboard𑁋you volunteered to carry it for him so he could unload the other things from the van𑁋soft sand meeting your toes the second you step onto the beach for the first time of the summer season. Salty air tingles at your nose, the late afternoon sun baring down on your shoulders, and the expanse of the ocean opens up right before your eyes.

This place had basically watched you grow up. It carries a lot of memories that you hold dear to your heart.

You see Soonyoung already digging into the sand with an abnormally large stick, and Mingyu carrying a bunch of firewood in his arms before dropping them down onto the ground (and accidentally one on his foot, but you won't say anything about that).

However, your eyes drift and land on a figure running up from the beach shore. His dark hair is wet and sticking to his forehead, chest and arms revealed in all its glory before quickly covered up by a white, somewhat lacy button-down shirt that still doesn't do much in concealing the muscles underneath. For a moment, you nearly loose the grip on Seungcheol's surfboard.

Joshua Hong seems to spot you from even a mile away. He's running up to you before you even have the minute to breathe, a grin splitting his face that's as warm as the setting sun. Sand clings to his damp flip-flops and the hem of his black shorts as he nearly skids to a halt in front of you, chest heaving and out of breath. His shirt isn't even buttoned, dammit.

"Hey," he greets you breathlessly, letting his eyes take you in for a second. "Glad you could make it."

A soft smile of your own blooms on your face. "It's good to see you too, asshole."

A flicker of feigned hurt plays across Joshua's features. "Come on. That was so two years ago! I didn't want to push you in the water. You should know that by now."

"Wow, you care so much about me, don't you?" You nearly swing Seungcheol's surfboard playfully in his direction. "You listen to Jeonghan more than your own little brain."

"I swear, it's changed. Everything's changed since then," Joshua reasons lightly. "You have my ears for the entire night, I promise."

His words hang in the air for a moment, and there's perhaps a sliver of fondness in his eyes that you catch when your gazes meet. You feel a certain warmth spread through your chest that you try so hard to ignore each time he's around you.

You brush it off with a roll of your eyes before strolling past him, hoping that Seungcheol's surfboard was enough to cover up the slight flush creeping up your cheeks. The smile to your face still lingers as you walk towards to where Soonyoung and Mingyu are, whom dash up to you the moment they see you to engulf you in a welcoming hug.

Mingyu is almost done setting up the bonfire by the time you and Seungcheol bring all the food and supplies from the van. Jeonghan and Chan had arrived by the time the fire is lit up and crackling, casting a warm, inviting glow on the beach scene. And it isn't long when the yearly traditions of a group bonfire and beachside barbecue commence.

The smell of grilled food fills the air, mixing with the salty breeze and the crackle of the fire. And just for those moments, you forget these fuzzy feelings swirling around you as familiar laughter and camaraderie take over instead.

You've known all of your friends for different amounts of times, but being here with all of them makes it feel like time hasn't passed by at all. Inside jokes are exchanged, memories from as far as childhood resurface, and stories are told that leave you all doubled over with laughter (and Soonyoung nearly choking on a marshmallow).

It's almost natural in the way your eyes seem to search for Joshua's every single time that feeling of happiness threatens to overflow within you. The fire flickers upon his face, his eyes crinkled deeply when he smiles. Happiness looks good on him, you think. It always has.

...does his eyes search for yours too?

By the time the fire dies down, you find yourself sitting near the edge of the beach, with your legs stretched on the sand and the waves barely lapping against your feet. Seungcheol and Mingyu are already out on the ocean on their surfboards, then there's Chan and Soonyoung struggling to get their sandcastle to stay up, and Jeonghan is already knocked out on a beach towel. It's just you, and wherever the hell Joshua is.

"Something's bothering you, isn't it?"

The voice snaps you away from your thoughts, and you pick your head up to see Joshua walking up to you. A cool breeze flows through his strands of his hair as he approaches.

You blink at him. "What?"

He sits down beside you on the sand, close enough that the warmth of his body brushes against yours. "You were too quiet earlier."

You face back towards the water, cowering your head down as if guilty of some sorts.

"Oh," You murmur, somewhat to yourself. "Sorry."

"Sorry for what?" Joshua asks, nudging you lightly on the shoulder. "I told you earlier that I would be all ears for you."

You smile faintly at that. Would you still be all ears if I told you that I've been such a coward with my feelings for you?

"It's... just boy problems, I guess," You respond, though you feel a twinge of regret for wording it like that. It's more than just simply boy problems.

Joshua's jaw seems to tighten at that. "Did that jerk contact you again?"

You know who exactly he's talking about, and you let out a sigh. "No, not him. I... I blocked him a few months ago when he tried spam calling me again. Sort of gave me a good scare, to be honest."

At the corner of your eye, Joshua's hand digs aimlessly into the sand, clenching and unclenching a fistful before smoothing it out again.

"I'm glad you're okay," he says softly, gaze fixed on the grains of sand slipping through his fingers. "You deserve someone way better than him."

You chuckle at that, and a bittersweet pang shoots through your chest. It's true, you deserve better. But really, the problem isn't just jerks and bad relationships. It's the thought of falling for someone again and it all comes crashing down... again.

But it's not like you could hold back from falling when you've already fallen. The truth is undeniable at this point𑁋your heart already beats a little faster for the boy right next to you.

"Guys! Look at the sunset!" Chan's voice rings out into the cool, evening air, pointing an excited finger towards the horizon.

Simultaneously, you and Joshua bring your eyes up tot the sky together. The last rays of the sun are painting the sky in a breathtaking display of fiery oranges, pinks, and purples, like a fleeting masterpiece before nightfall takes hold.

"Wow," You mutter out in awe. "It's beautiful, isn't it?"

Joshua cocks his head to the side, a low hum leaving his lips. "Hmm, I could think of something more beautiful than that, honestly."

You scoff, hitting him lightly on the shoulder. "You ruined the sentimental moment, idiot."

Joshua lets out an amused laugh, a sound that sends those flutters blossoming in your stomach, one you haven't realised you've missed until this very moment. A small giggle of your own escapes your mouth as you bring your eyes back to the sunset together.

Then a low yawn stifles out of you. Maybe everything that has happened the past few hours are finally catching up to you. You let out another yawn, hoping Joshua doesn't notice. But of course, he does.

"Getting tired?" he asks you.

You give a small nod. "Just a little."

A few moment pass, before you feel an arm drape casually over your shoulders. The scent of Joshua and his warmth seeps within your bones. You almost want to protest, but the words get caught in your throat, and you lean your head on his shoulder, feeling the steady rise and fall of his chest with each breath.

Perhaps you could spend a long time staying in this position and hope the silence is able to spill all the words you've been meaning to say for all this time, but you know it's easier said than done. Because what's the point of confessing anymore if you know it won't ever last? That you know it'll ruin everything you've built up to get this far?

You've seen it happen around you𑁋with you, your parents, hell even strangers online. It's taught you nothing but to run. That's what your mind tells you to do, but not your heart. And maybe you listen to your mind more often than not.

"Yo, Josh!" Mingyu's voice hollers out from the ocean, and you feel a certain pressure be lifted up from your head (when did he lay his head on yours?) as you catch the sight of Seungcheol and Mingyu motioning to their surfboards. "Wanna hop on?"

Joshua briefly glances down at you, and you meet his gaze, seeing the indecision in his features.

"I don't mind," You tell him. "I'll be fine here."

He hesitates. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, don't worry about me." You pick your head off from his shoulders. "Go have your boy-fun."

Joshua gives you a small smile, though there's a hint of reluctance in his expression. He shouts back to Mingyu and Seungcheol before standing up and brushing the sand off his shorts. You could hardly pull your eyes away from him as he does so.

He starts trotting away as you face back toward the ocean with a sigh, relinquishing the moments you get to have to gather up your thoughts.

"Hey, Y/N?"

You pick your eyes back up to Joshua marching back towards you. He stops in front of you, a grin tugging at the corners of his lips.

"You look beautiful today, by the way." Then he gives shoots you a wink before turning back around. "Just wanted you to know."

The kiss you leave to his cheek later on was really worth the risk.

TWO. "you learn my secrets and you figure out why i'm guarded / you say we'll never make my parents' mistakes..."

A picture frame of a four-year-old Joshua is staring back at you. He still has that same silly grin on his face, the one that has his own eyes smiling as well and makes your heart feel lighter every time you look at it. You reach out to touch the frame, tracing the outline of his little face with your fingertip.

Sometimes, you wish you could experience what he was like at this time𑁋to grow up with him, to know what exactly led him to meeting you. But then again, he's already here with you now, and maybe that's all that matters.

"All ready for bed?" Joshua's voice popping in makes you swiftly place back the picture frame back on his desk. You turn around to see him leaning against the doorway with a soft smile playing on his lips, clad with a simple white t-shirt and a pair of grey sweatpants.

"Mhm," You hum out in response as you settle back under the covers of his bed.

It isn't the first night you've spent with him at his place, but you seem to seek the feeling of his comfort more often than sleeping in your own bed. Jeonghan has been kind of nagging you the two of you to move in together at this point, but that's a leap you're a bit hesitant to jump right now. But the drawer of your own clothes in his wardrobe is a bit of an argument that's hard to defend.

Joshua crawls his way into the spot right next to you, slipping under the duvet and wrapping an arm around your waist to pull you more into his embrace. You feel his breath meet the nape of your neck, warm and soothing against your skin, and your eyes flutter to the feeling.

You shift your position so that you're facing him. His eyes are already closed, lips pursed up slightly, and even then he still looks absolutely stunning. But you know he isn't asleep. Not yet, at least.

"My parents had uh... another argument today," You confess lowly, hesitantly.

Joshua's eyes open up slightly, adjusting his head so he can look at you better. A faint crease of concern appears between his brows, the arm around you tightening imperceptibly.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

You bite at your bottom lip anxiously. There are times you feel as if the only thing that could get you talking is always something revolving your parents, and you wonder if Joshua ever gets tired hearing about all of it. The thought courses insecurity to crawl in your veins, tightening your throat.

But Joshua's patient gaze towards you cuts through the uncertainty bubbling in your chest.

"Just same old, same old, you know?" You attempt to explain. "It just feels like they can't see eye-to-eye anymore. There's like... I don't know... nothing left between them, I guess. And it scares me that... it'll happen to us."

The last sentence suspends thickly into the air. Even then, you know it's more than the truth𑁋you've grown up witnessing and overhearing arguments from your parents that laid down this pessimistic view on the world around you.

You could feel your heart racing from all the anticipation. There's a wave of emotions that washes over Joshua's face, then he takes a deep breath and squeezes you tighter in his hold.

"Hey," he mutters. "Look at me."

You hesitantly meet his eyes.

"We're not like them, okay?" he assures you simply, bringing his hand up to cup your face oh-so gently in his hold. "We may argue sometimes. But the difference is, we communicate. We listen to each other. And we may not have all the answers to everything, but we'll figure it out together, alright?"

You swear you can feel the way he's holding your face also on your heart, like he's protecting you in a way from any doubts that might creep in. A small sigh escapes you, the tension leaving your shoulders as his words wrap around you comfortingly. The faintest, appreciative curve appears to your lips as you feel Joshua's thumb brush against your cheek.

He dreamily smiles at you as well, despite his face being half-buried in the pillow. And the thought of being able to wake up to this sight every single day suddenly feels a lot less like a leap and a whole lot more like a promise.

Somehow, the gap between the two of you disappears as your lips meets his. He kisses you so tenderly, mouth moving against yours with a delicate urgency, and the tiny sound that leaves you brings that smirk you could feel forming on his face.

You feel almost dizzy when you pull away, nothing but a shy look gracing over your features.

"Feeling better?" Joshua asks softly, brushing a stray strand of hair away from your face.

You could only gaze at him, wondering to yourself how he's even in real, how someone like him could exist with his sleepy smile, messy hair, and perfect features carved by the angels above, yet cherish you so dearly.

"Can you..." Your eyes flicker from eyes to his lips. "Can you... keep kissing me?"

It feels really silly to ask that, however Joshua just chuckles, the sound rumbling from deep within his chest as he peers at you with nothing but adoration.

"Of course," he replies, leaning back in. "Whatever you want."

THREE. "braced myself for the goodbye, 'cause that's all I've ever known / then you took me by surprise / you said, 'I'll never leave you alone...'"

The tears streaming down your face burns through the concrete below like acid.

"Y/N, wait𑁋"

"I told you that I-I can't do this right now."

The leaves crunching at your feet echo in your ears as you walk away from Joshua, each step feeling heavier than the last. It's around two in the morning or something, and you can't remember the last time you felt this lost and broken ever since your parents' separation. It's like the ground beneath you has crumbled away, leaving you suspended in midair, grasping for something𑁋just anything𑁋to hold onto.

You've been here before, standing at the edge of this cliff of vulnerability. It's easier to leave before you get left, easier to build walls than to let someone in only to watch them walk away.

But you've come to understand that Joshua isn't one to give up easily. He catches up to you quickly, his hand gently grasping your arm to stop you in your tracks. You try to shrug him off, but his grip only tightens slightly as he turns you around to face him.

"Talk to me," he pleads insistently, and the subtle tremble to his voice has your chest clenching. "If you're just going to keep pushing me away, then𑁋"

"Then leave." The words leave you before you can stop them, fueled by the ache in your chest and the fear in your heart. "You don't have to stay with me when all I-I do is push you away. Don't you think you deserve someone better?"

Joshua's grip on your arm loosens at your words, but it doesn't fall. His eyes scan over your tear-stained face, the quiver to your lips, and all of it has you bracing yourself for the inevitable, final blow𑁋for him to turn and walk away like so many others before him.

But instead, he just steps closer to you.

"This isn't about me staying because I have to, Y/N," he explains. "It's about me wanting to stay because I love you. I knew what I was getting into the second I realised I was falling for you. So no, I'm not going to leave you. And I'll never leave you alone because I know you're worth fighting for."

Your breath catches in your throat, his words piercing through you like a bullet straight through the heart. Even Joshua appears out of breath himself, as if he's poured his own heart out to you in those few simple sentences. The silence stretches between the two of you.

With a quiet sigh and a faint smile, he lets the tension simmer down by trailing his eyes over you.

"When I look at you, I think... I think I fall in love with you all over again like the first time I saw you," Joshua admits shyly, followed by a sheepish chuckle to himself. "It's cheesy, I know. But I can't help it. It's hard not to look at you."

You feel the heat crawling up your face as you blink away your tears clumsily, peering up at him inquisitively. "Really?"

This just draws another laugh from him. Joshua steps closer to you, trailing a hand to cup your face and the other to slide to your back to shorten the gap between the two of you even more. He places a soft kiss to your forehead, his lips lingering there for a moment before he pulls back slightly to meet your gaze.

"Really," he confirms, voice gentle yet firm. "I meant every word I said, darling."

This brings a genuine smile to your face as if it was the first one that night. You instinctively lean more into Joshua's touch, letting your eyes close for a moment to the simple feeling of him holding you.

"I'm sorry," You mumble, voice barely above a whisper. "for pushing you away like that. It's just... I'm scared."

Joshua takes one of your hands into his own to bring up to his lips, pressing a reassuring kiss to your knuckles.

"It's okay," he assures you. "We can be scared together."

FOUR. "do you believe it? / we're gonna make it now / and i can see it / i can see it now."

A pair of arms snake around your waist from behind, the relaxing melody of a piano floating through the air of the kitchen. You take in a deep breath, leaning back into Joshua's embrace as he rests his chin on your shoulder.

"Smells amazing, honey," Joshua murmurs, pressing a soft kiss to your temple.

You smile contentedly, feeling the peace of the moment wash over the two of you. The enticing smells of the pasta you were cooking waft around the kitchen, mingling with the scent of fresh herbs, garlic, and Joshua's presence right behind you.

"It should be ready soon," You say, clutching the wooden spoon in your hands to give the sauce a final stir.

Joshua's eyes arms tighten around you, pulling you even closer as he sways gently to the music. You hear the sounds of his hums hit your ears as you turn to the heat off to the stove. And as you attempt to pull away from him to grab for some plates, Joshua's grip on your waist hardly budges.

You groan exaggeratedly. "Shua, I need to𑁋"

"Marry me."

You freeze immediately, and you swear time halted right at that moment. Turning around in his hold, you're met with the sight of Joshua's eyes on you. You try to pinpoint any doubt in them, any sign that this is some sort of joke, but his gaze remains unwavering, dark eyes serious yet painted with a shine of hope that tugs right at the strings of your heart and the walls of your hesitation.

There's always that fear gnawing at in the back of your mind. But beneath it all, a warmth spreads through your chest, a certainty that feels as natural as breathing.

And perhaps, you see nothing but forever in him.

You can see it in the way his eyes soften, in the way his hand trembles anxiously against your waist, in the way his lips part ever so slightly as he waits for your response. You can see it all in him. You've made it.

You kiss him just seconds later. It's a question your heart has already answered long before the words left Joshua's lips. You lean more into his touch, feeling your heart overflow past the brink of joy, and the feelings all melt together into the singular realisation that he's the best thing that's ever been yours.

When the two of you finally break away, a single word escapes your lips, "Yes."

another note: sorry this ending was slightly rushed T-T

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[lee-laurent]

Playing Pretend - Jamie Drysdale

Summary: In which Jamie and his girlfriend end things after pretending everything was okay. Or in which Jamie's girlfriend moves in with Trevor while attempting to keep her pregnancy hidden from everyone.

content: pregnancy, mentions of abortion, long distance, keeping secrets from partner (if that's a warning idk), angst, fluff, mentions of sex, implications of cheating/being unfaithful, jamie's trade :(

notes: this one is a bit more angsty than my other fics. i wanted to experiment with trying something new. possible happy ending tho. guess you'll have to read to find out ;) sorry if it seems rushed, i didn't know how to format it :/

"Of course, you have options. You can read more about those here. This is a judgement free zone," the nurse continued to drone on about scheduling another appointment, but Violet had tuned her out. In fact, the only thing that Violet could hear was her heart pounding in her chest.

"Thank you," she mumbled, grabbing the paperwork and shoving it into her purse. All she wanted was Jamie and he was on the other side of the country.

Once she was safely in her car in the parking lot, she let the tears fall. A baby? How was she supposed to take care of a baby when her boyfriend lived five hours away by plane. They barely spoke more than twice a week at this point. Their relationship was falling apart and a baby wasn't going to save it.

"How was the doctor?" Trevor asked as she walked through the door, kicking off her shoes.

"Fine. Just food poisoning, like you thought."

"I told you! Never eat grocery store sushi, Vi. Should've listened to me."

"Ha. I guess you know best, Trev. I'm gonna go lie down. I'm still nauseous."

"Make sure you text Jamie! He was worried about you."

"I'm sure he was," she mumbled, making her way to her bedroom. She looked at the picture on her bedside table. It was of her and Jamie at his first game with the Ducks. She'd been so proud to see him move from the Gulls to the NHL. He had his arm wrapped around her waist and was looking down at her like she'd hung the moon and stars in the sky, while she smiled happily into the camera. Violet sighed, putting the photo face down. She couldn't bare to look at Jamie's face right now, photo or not.

Her phone buzzed.

Jamie <3: Trev texted. Said it's food poisoning like he thought. Feel better. I love you

Vi: Thanks, Jam. Love you too

Lying to Jamie made her stomach churn. In fact, everything was making her stomach churn at the moment. Trevor had made sausages with his breakfast that morning, leading to her projectile vomiting in the kitchen. Which is when Trevor finally convinced her to go to a walk-in clinic. A walk-in clinic that sent her to Planned Parenthood. And now at the thought of Jamie not knowing about his child mixed with the baby in her womb hating the smell of everything, she was leaned over the toilet once more.

"Vi? Do you want some ginger ale?" Trevor asked from the doorway.

"No. I'm okay, Trev. Just, I- I'd like to be alone right now."

"Oh, right. Call me if you need anything," he sighed, gently shutting the door behind him.

Violet sniffled, reaching for her phone on the counter next to her.

Jamie was worried sick about Violet, but he was also focused on the game of NHL 24 he was playing with Cam.

"Wait. Time out. Violet's texting."

"Oh, shit. What'd she say?"

"That... that we need to talk?" Jamie furrowed his eyebrows.

"Shit. We can finish this later. Call her."

"Thanks, Cam. I- I'll be back," Jamie stood up from the couch, albeit a bit wobbly from nerves, speeding off to his room.

"Hey," Violet's voice cracked as it broke through the speaker of his phone.

"Hey, um, what did you wanna talk about?"

"Long distance isn't working, Jamie. I- I think we should end things."

"What? Vi? Where is this coming from? Did- did you meet someone in Anaheim?"

"What? God, no. Jamie- I wouldn't cheat. You know that. I just- this is too much stress for me right now."

"Our relationship is too much stress for you? I- I told you that you could move here. We could get our own place. I-"

"Jamie, I have a life here. I have a job. My friends."

"I had all of that too. But, I- I'm making it work here. You could make it work here, Violet! Please don't do this. You- you're the love of my life."

"Jamie, don't make this harder than it needs to be. I can't do this anymore."

"Please, Violet. Please."

"We- if you need anything call Trevor. Goodbye, Jamie."

Jamie didn't return to his game with Cam; he spent the rest of the night crying himself to sleep on his bed.

"You broke up with Jamie?!" Trevor shouted the next morning, waking up an exhausted Violet.

"Trevor? It's 6 in the morning."

"Yeah? Well Jamie just called me in tears, saying that you dumped him OVER THE PHONE?!"

"We're long distance. How else was I supposed to do it?"

"You weren't supposed to do it at all, Violet! You guys are made for each other! What's with this sudden change of heart?"

"We were barely talking anymore. I need a present boyfriend."

"Vi-"

"Drop it, Trevor! It's frankly none of your business!"

"None of my bus-"

Violet gagged, leaning over and puking on the hardwood floor. She looked up at Trevor, wiping her mouth.

"Get me a paper towel, please."

"Right. Um, right... This conversation isn't over."

He returned with a roll of paper towels. Watching as she pulled herself out of bed, to clean up the mess next to her bed.

"Why'd you break up with him?"

"I just told you. It wasn't working."

"But, you didn't even try to make it work. He said you didn't communicate it wasn't going well until yesterday."

"Wow. Does Jamie tell you every intimate part of our relationship?" she snapped.

"No."

"It was rhetorical, Trevor."

"Oh. He loves you."

"I know."

"Do you not love him?"

"What? Of course I love him. He's the fa- the first man I loved. I'll always love him."

"Then why break up with him?! He- he said you could go live with him in Philly."

"I don't want to leave Anaheim. I want to r- never mind. But, my job is here."

"Get a new one."

"God! You're so immature! It's not that fucking easy, Trevor! I'm not going to start my entire life over for Jamie! So fucking drop it!"

"I-"

"Drop it!"

Trevor dropped it. At least with Violet he did. He spent every day trying to convince Jamie to call her. To fix things. To figure what he could do. Jamie wasn't easily convinced though. After the mental anguish that the phone call with his now ex-girlfriend had caused him, he wasn't sure he wanted to go through it again.

Violet's morning sickness hadn't ended. In fact, it was getting worse. Morning sickness? More like all day and all night sickness. She was in agony. And Trevor as oblivious as he was, was getting suspicious.

"Maybe you should go to the doctor again? I don't think food poisoning is supposed to last this long."

"It's probably just stress."

"Why're you stressed?"

"Work."

"But- okay? I still think you should go back."

"Trevor."

"Yes?"

"I'm fine."

"You're pretending."

"What?"

"You're pretending everything is okay. You're just afraid to admit that things are worse without Jamie. Not better. You're more stressed. Hence the vomiting."

"Trevor, I- I have work to do."

Two hours later Violet was in the kitchen doing dishes when her phone started ringing.

"Trev! Can you get that?"

"Sure."

"Hi! This is Alice from Anaheim OB/GYN, I was just calling to confirm your appointment on Friday with Dr. Rhodes," the voice came through the phone.

"Trev! Who is it?"

"Sure, just let me get the phone to Violet. Oh, perfect! Thank you!"

"Hi?" Violet asked, pressing the phone to her ear.

"Hi! Is this Violet?"

"Yes, this is she."

"Perfect! Just a few questions to go over before confirming your appointment."

"Oh, of course."

"Any abnormal bleeding?"

"No."

"Dizziness?"

"Nope."

"How's the nausea you mentioned last time you were in?"

"About the same."

"Okay, I'll let the nurse know. We can get you some tablets for that. See you Friday at 11:30."

"Perfect, thank you."

Violet sighed, hanging up the phone.

"You're pregnant?" Trevor whispered.

"What? No."

"She said she was calling from the OB/GYN's office. Isn't that a doctor for pregnant people?"

"Not always. They also give birth control and stuff."

"But why would you need birth control if you're not seeing Jamie anymore?"

"For my periods."

"You're lying."

"I'm not lying, Trevor. Why would I lie?"

"You're lying. You always itch your wrist when you lie. You're pregnant. Does Jamie know?"

"Maybe it isn't Jamie's?"

"Yeah? Who else have you slept with? Nobody. You and Jamie had sex the night before we left for Nashville."

"Who told you that?"

"Jamie."

"Ew. I-"

"So it is Jamie's?"

"I'm not pregnant."

"Violet... is this why you dumped him? Are you getting... you know?"

"Not pregnant, Trevor."

"Fine, I'll drop it for now. But, if you were pregnant, I, um, I'd be here to help. I promise."

"Good to know if I am to hypothetically get pregnant," she mumbled, itching her wrist. Trevor let out a heavy sigh.

"You- you can tell me anything, Violet. I'm not going to tell Jamie if you don't want me to."

"You said you were gonna drop it. Plus there's nothing to tell him. Everything is normal."

"Right, um, I'm going out. Call if you need anything for your... food poisoning."

"Will do."

When she finally heard the front door shut, she let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding. The tension in the kitchen had been palpable. She knew deep down that Trevor didn't believe her, but until she was showing she'd be able to hide it... maybe.

A month had passed and Violet was shocked to find that it looked like she was bloated. Violet had always been on the thinner side, but not to the point that she thought she'd be showing this early into her pregnancy. The doctors had confirmed that she was just over a month when she found out, meaning she was nearing three months. Baggy clothes became her new best friends. Unfortunately, most of the baggy clothing she owned were items she'd stolen from Jamie. This led to lots of looks from Trevor as she moved around their apartment.

Trevor now knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that Violet was pregnant. He'd gone into her bathroom to find some extra toilet paper and come across an array of prenatal vitamins. He didn't bring it up though. The apartment constantly had an air of awkwardness shrouding it. Violet and Trevor were tip-toeing around each other. And he knew that eventually he would have to be the bigger person and bring it up, which was uncommon for the Ducks player.

"I was talking to Jamie today," Trevor mentioned as he twirled some spaghetti onto his fork.

"Hm. How's Jamie?"

"Better. He, uh, he still asks about you."

"Good for him."

"I'm sure if you told him... about your situation, he'd be willing to help."

"What situation?" Violet smiled, taking a sip of her water.

"Can we stop pretending, Violet?"

She shook her head, pushing away from the small kitchen table.

"God! Grow up, Violet! You're going to be a mom! Start acting like a fucking adult!" Trevor shouted as she retreated to her room, that Trevor had not-so-lovingly nicknamed "the cave." Her door slammed in response, shaking the pictures hanging in the corridor.

"Hey, girl!" her best friend, Aly, smiled through the FaceTime call. "How're those vitamins? One of the moms I work with says they're the best ones!"

"Good, I think. I've got a little bump now."

"Damn! Baby Drysdale is growingggg!" she dragged out.

"Don't call them that. He- I still haven't told him."

"Girl! You told me you were going to like a week ago! What changed?"

"He- I saw him on Instagram and he looked so happy. I don't want to ruin that."

"So... you're just gonna wallow in self-pity until your baby is born? What about when he sees you with a baby? Isn't he gonna be suspicious?"

"He already accused me of cheating. So..."

"Violet! No! We are not claiming you cheated and got pregnant from another man."

"Jamie's not ready to be a dad."

"Who told you that? Jamie?"

"No."

"Exactly. You don't know that!"

"I'll think about it, Aly. Right now, the doctor said I need to avoid too much stress. It makes my nausea worse."

"Uh huh. Lemme tell you about this date I went on!"

"Do you think Violet would be okay if I came to visit?" Jamie asked Trevor.

"Um... I mean you're coming to see me. It has nothing to do with her."

"I guess, you're right. I'll get a hotel though. I don't want to intrude on her space."

"Her space is also my space, Jamie."

"Yeah, but she's my... ex. It'd feel weird. Is she, um, seeing anyone new?"

"Violet?" Trevor choked on his water, "No. No. She's been busy with... work."

"Makes sense."

"What about you? Any new women in your life?"

"No. I just compare them all to Vi."

"When you come, maybe you can get some closure. Talk to her."

"If she lets me."

"If she lets you," Trevor smiled, continuing to help his best friend plan his trip.

Six months pregnant. Violet couldn't believe it. Her baby was the size of corn, according to Aly. It was hard to hide her ever growing bump, but Trevor's hoodies and some of Jamie's old clothes did the trick. She had no idea that Jamie was coming to visit. It was all part of Trevor's plan to get her to talk to him... and admit her pregnancy.

Trevor was buzzing as he walked Jamie up the stairs to their apartment.

"Violet did some redecorating, but it looks similar to when you left! She's still asleep, I think. She sleeps in on weekends."

"Not surprising," Jamie bit back his smile.

"Welcome back, bud!" Trevor swung open the door, leading his ex-teammate into his home. Jamie looked around, it was similar to when he left. A few pictures had been taken down and replaced with new ones, but it looked pretty much the same.

"Trev? Why are you shouting?" Violet questioned sleepily, rubbing a hand on her stomach. The baby had recently discovered how to kick and it was their new favourite hobby.

"Look who I brought home with me!" Trevor beamed.

"Jamie?" the girl suddenly looked much more awake, dropping her hands to her side.

"You... you're pregnant," was all Jamie could manage, staring directly at her stomach.

"Surprise?"

The group sat in the living room. Well, Trevor and Violet were sitting. Jamie was pacing around the room, running his hands through his hair.

"You're gonna go bald, Jimmy. Stop."

"She- you're pregnant?!"

"Yes. We established that, Jamie," Violet rolled her eyes.

"Yeah. Is it... is it mine?"

"Um..."

"Yes, the baby is yours, Jamie! Are you dumb?" Trevor furrowed his brow.

"You didn't tell me?! Neither of you?!"

"She... It wasn't my place."

"Yeah? What about you, Violet? What's your excuse?!"

"I- I didn't want to ruin your career."

"Ruin my career? No! You were just being selfish. Don't pretend this had anything to do with protecting me!" Jamie exclaimed.

"Jamie, can you sit down? You're stressing me out," she sighed, rubbing over where the baby was kicking repeatedly, sensing its mother's turmoil.

"Violet! We... we're having a baby."

"I'm having a baby."

God, she was just as stubborn as before.

"Z, can we have a minute?"

"Oh, sure," Trevor left and Jamie didn't speak until he heard the door close.

"Violet, this is serious. Why would you keep this from me? Is this why you ended things?" he asked, kneeling in front of her.

"Sort of. I panicked. I just, I don't want you to feel forced to stay because of us," she motioned to her belly.

"I... I still love you. A lot. God, I never stopped loving you."

"Jamie..."

"You... you can come live in Philly! We can fix us. And raise our baby. Be a happy family."

"I want to stay here."

"You... you can't keep my baby from me, Violet. Please," his eyes started to water, "Not any longer than you already have."

"He-"

"He? It's a boy?"

"Shit. Yeah."

"I'm going to have a son?" he smiled, the tears finally falling. Violet could feel her hormones acting up, her eyes also welling with tears.

"Henry."

"Hm?"

"I- I've been planning on naming him Henry."

"Henry. It's perfect, Vi. Can I?" he gestured to the swell of her stomach. She nodded, letting out a sob as his hands met the cotton of her shirt.

"Hi, Henry. It's your dad. I'm sorry I haven't been here. I- I don't blame Mommy. She did what she thought was best."

Violet continued to sob. Why was he being so sweet to her? She'd kept his son from him!

"Violet, can you just think about it? Please. Us and Henry in Philly."

"I can think about it, Jams," she cried, pulling him into a tight hug.

"Are you sure you built that right?" Violet asked for the fourth time, "I don't want him falling on the ground in the middle of the night."

"I followed the instructions, Vi. It's secure. He'll be fine."

"Are you sure? I just-"

Jamie cut her off with a kiss to her lips.

"I'm positive, love. Now stop worrying. Poor Henry is going to pop out early if you keep that up."

"I'd appreciate it if he did. He's been sitting on my bladder all day."

Jamie kneeled down in front of her, placing a hand where he saw the imprint of a foot kick.

"Can you move off Mommy's bladder? It makes her pissy. And Daddy doesn't want to deal with it right now."

"He's not listening. I need to pee," she waddled out of the nursery and into the ensuite. Jamie laughed, following her into their bedroom.

"You look good pregnant," Jamie commented as she emerged from the bathroom.

"Shut up. We're not having sex until this monster is out of me."

"He's not a monster!"

"He's giant! I can't breathe."

"Here," Jamie walked behind her, lifting up her stomach. She let out a long sigh of relief, the pressure being alleviated from her back.

"Thanks, Jams. I love you."

"I love you too," he smiled. Although they weren't the most stable couple on the planet, Jamie was just glad to have his girl back. And now he had his little boy too. He felt complete. And so did Violet. Complete and happy with their soon-to-be family of three.

[giantkillerjack]

Update: Having finished Smile (2022) with only minimal fast-forwarding (I'll go back and re-watch it fully at a much later date), I can confirm 3 things:

I am an absolute fucking pineapple for starting a horror movie past 10pm. The previous personal rule I had was "no starting horror media after midnight", and I started this movie at 11:54pm. I see now that my previous rule was... insufficient. My adrenaline isn't going to go down enough to sleep until at least 5:00am. I am a kumquat of a man. I am a silly little transgender kiwi-lime spritz. I am a passionfruit-strawberry smoothie with boba for brains, and I have made an error.

Most people who are suicidal should not watch this movie. Just-- go watch The Babadook for now if you absolutely must watch a movie about a literal trauma monster, and come back to this one when it has less of a chance of causing harm to you. Both are great movies. Smile is just a lot more bleak. - And that is in comparison to a movie where a woman snaps her a small dog's neck in front of her 6-year-old child. I mean, The Babadook is absolutely hopeful in comparison.

This movie fucking slaps. It is extremely fucking good. If you are in a place to watch a bleak and TERRIFYING movie about suicide, this is an excellent fucking movie. (If you're not sure, please save it for later! It's not going anywhere!)

I mean, I want everyone in my life who failed to support me in my own time being suicidal to have to watch this movie because it is a brutal look at what it is like to have a deadly mental illness that you don't have the language to explain and that you just can't get people to understand the danger of. Gods know those folks who failed me would probably STILL fail to understand what I'm showing them, but MAN, it is a BRUTAL message about not believing mentally ill people.

My only real complaint tbh is that the character of the white cop ex-boyfriend was WAY too helpful and understanding to the mentally tormented main character. Which ultimately means that the film did fail to understand and highlight the way that the cops play a direct role in perpetuating the very same abuse and neglect of the mentally ill in America that this movie is about!

(The fact that the main character's therapist mentions that she is legally obligated to call the cops if she determines her patient is dangerous shows that the movie is at least partially aware of this issue, but it fails to commit in this respect.)

But otherwise, yeah, this is an amazing fucking movie and the most visceral demonstration of the horrors of psychosis and untreated PTSD that I've seen, while actively challenging the ableist horror movie tropes I've come to expect from any horror movie that shows ANYTHING related to mental health.

This movie really said, "NO, you're not gonna get murdered by a bunch of crazed lunatics. That's fucking stupid. You're MUCH more at risk to BECOME someone other people CALL a lunatic for reasons outside of your control... and then there will be nobody that can help you."

And THAT'S the horror story I think neurotypical people need to fucking hear. The same way I don't need another "oh man wouldn't it be scary if you met some POOR PEOPLE with FACIAL DEFORMITIES" cannibal hillbilly movie, when the REAL horror of THAT situation is the kind of treatment a poor person with an unusual face could expect from a group of lost college kids who represent wealthy society at large.

I give Smile a 9/10, with the caveat that, again, this story is a tragedy about mental health. And it's an important story to tell...

But as a person whose life was saved by the patients and counselors at a mental hospital's intensive outpatient program, I want to emphasize that this movie would have fucked me up really badly back then, and it could have even discouraged me from seeking the trauma treatment that helped my life stop being a living hell.

So I wanted to emphasize one more time to please be careful with this film if you're currently having a Bad Time, and also emphasize that not all of our stories end in tragedy. I'm alive and loved and often happy, and I don't want to die, and I once thought that was an impossible state of being for me.

Even though it was fucking chilling for me to recognize that twisted titular smile from this movie as the one I used to draw on my artistic representation of my own suicidality (her name used to be Sue), if i were to draw my trauma monster now, it would look like a small strange little creature that needs love and patience (they don't wanna hurt me; they're just... horribly scared sometimes. But they haven't been Sue in a long time). Things are so different now.

So. Good things are possible. And while sometimes good movies benefit from NOT showing hopeful endings in order to emphasize the real-life stakes of a societal problem, YOU, reading this, are not yet lost.

The possibility of a better life - however slim or grim - cannot truly die so long as you draw breath.

And I happen to personally know a lot of people working to help make that chance bigger and better because doing so is MY life's work, and this has led to me making a lot of awesome, radical, kind friends. We are Many.

And that matters. You matter. And even if you, now, are the only person who ever reads this - if you can be even a hair's breadth gentler to yourself today in any way, then, by my metric, I have written a wildly successful movie review.

(Especially considering that I am, at my core, a sapient mango who now has to watch funny YouTube videos until 5-fucking-AM because I am JUST A SILLY LITTLE GUY OKAY.)

The cool thing about a horror movie that takes place in a mental hospital and, shockingly, actually turns out to be on the side of mentally ill people is that it avoids all the common disgusting pitfalls of mocking, demonizing, and infantilizing mentally ill people.

The downside is

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

[It's much scarier.]

[enden-k]

Ooh your ocs and lore/worldbuilding are so interesting! The whole ghost possesion thing is quite interesting cause the fact that ppl know about this gives the implication that this is just something that happens sometimes (?) and that supernatural stuff is widely known. Like oooh that is such an interesting world, like how do ppl deal with that? Are there doctors that deal with ghost possesions? lol

Anyway got kinda sidetracked but the original reason i sent this ask was cause i noticed Vikas eye color changed and wondered if Saran actually took one lol. Or is it something to do with the contract they have? No worries if you dont wanna spoil the lore haha i was just curious!

Your art is amazing as always and i love love the way you drew Sarans eyes they look like mouths?? Fangs?? Either way really cool and was the first thing i thought of when i saw the whole «devour you» bit

thank you sm!!!! aaaaa

yea its bc it is! the story is set in a world haunted by so called "fears" - negative energies manifested, ranging from nightmares to evil ghosts and spirits and fears and phobias manifested. shortly after the outbreak of this paranormal parasite (which claimed thousands of ppl), ppl banded together to fight back against "fears" and at some point an organization ("amygdala") was born that focuses solely on the exorcism or annihilation of the fears. those ppl dealing with them are called fear seekers or just seekers; seeking those who hide in the dark to strike

they use a specific "tool" that makes it possible for them to see the unseen and summon a fear they contract themselves to - these tools are lit the plucked out eye of the fear (using it comes with either handy or negative side effects, i can explain that all in another post maybe?)

anyway yep! its eventually brought up but its not like its a huge reveal since its evident. saran actually took vikas eye but gave one of his instead, making it possible for vika to use sarans powers but also to give him the ability to "see (experience) others emotions" as if its his own via eye contact. like this he also learns to identify his own and express himself better

also glad you noticed!!!! they are! sarans pupils are basically "soul snatching" mouths; looking into his eyes gets your life drained so he always has them closed - his others are constantly open tho. hes always watching. hes always seeing everything

[katzkinder]

Yeah that's one of the reasons Tsubakis my fav rn, like every interaction with team M you can tell how much he cares and loves them and how much they return it, but there's something almost slightly twisted/fucked up about it in a way I can't quite describe, but not necessarily in an unhealthy way y'know?

No I get what you mean!! I do think it sometimes shows itself in unhealthy ways tho. Like, admonishing Mahiru for not killing Sakuya because “it was his wish to die by your hand,” or encouraging Shamrock’s obsession with “taking his feelings back” by killing Shuuhei (and the implication there that he was worried Shamrock might commit suicide after accomplishing that but not really trying to talk to him about it)

He wants to give them absolutely everything life denied them, including a real choice in how they die. The right to self destruct themselves is one of those things

It’s a pretty interesting mindset of his

[villainsandvictimsalliance]

So my man what do you think of how bnha act 3 has treated the villains so far?

I think it's going exactly the way the story hinted it would. No surprises there.

In terms of narrative, people should give Horikoshi his flowers. MHA might not be as flashy as other mangas, but Horikoshi keeps it consistent and to the point. I'm glad that he doesn't sacrifice the writing of a plotline in order to create flashier or more action based fights. I'm also glad he's been with the villains' ideologies and their reasons to do what they do.

It's funny, the hero side might be the one who's more surprised with the current outcome of the final showdown. You have moments like Ochako risking it all for Toga, which is a dream come true for villain fans yet might be hard to process for other people. I'm personally satisfied with how the author treated the Enji and Dabi plotline, because in the end it was not Shoto who alone could do a miracle. A bit of a "family issues must be solved by the whole family" opinion, but I'm glad to see Rei, Natsuo and Fuyumi getting involved. They all had the spotlight in a heartwarming moment to stop and help Touya. They all took responsibility for their role in what happened to their family.

So far, so good.

To be honest, my perception is that Horikoshi has great respect for some of his villain characters. He has so far dedicated a lot of the story to Tomura alone, to his connection with Izuku. At least when it comes to the League, sacrifices are not simply plot twists, you know? They held meaning, they're respectful to the character.

I can't say the same for other antagonists and villains, tho. It's understandable, those secondary characters won't receive as much screen time and that's okay. It's just a bit sad to think that some of them have a lot of potential, but the story keeps them backstage. I certainly miss seeing some of the members of the Meta Liberation Army, for example. I loved the implications of corruption of power in the hero society. I miss Lady Nagant too, I can't wait to see her reaction to knowing that AFO is finally dead. Right now I wonder what the hell Horikoshi had planned for Hawks, lol. Every time I think his plotline is getting kickstarted, it runs for a second before stopping again. If he's there it's because there are unfinished businesses with him, maybe we will finally get a resolution on his connection with Toga and his past with Twice, but that's for later.

I have faith in Horikoshi, I guess. He has shown us that he does what the story demands and doesn't change the course of it for the public as much as other mangakas do. That is what movies are for.

I'm sure we'll see Spinner and Compress again, but most of all I'm curious worried about Kurogiri. I insist that the resolution between Kurogiri and Aizawa and Yamada will wreck me. In my wildest dreams I see Kurogiri begin for Tomura's life aka to save him, to give him a chance. I saw Aizawa's face when he heard Kurogiri talk about Tomura. He knew it was not only an order, but also a part of Oboro still alive. Oboro would do anything to help someone in danger, he'd pick any stray cat, give his life for anyone. I'm on the edge of my seat with that trio. Teachers on opposite sides of the war, once friends. Don't even get me going about Yamada and Kurogiri. Whenever I think of Mic and his role in that situation, it's pure torture.

If you ask me, I'm getting what I wanted. Act 3 has been great. It got a little boring for me when the whole focus was fighting AFO (I don't know why, maybe AFO is just not my favorite character to focus on). The rest? Amazing. Beautiful panels and drawing style, emotional instances that reveal the heart of the villains, their determination and dreams were respected, they got treated for once as real humans and not just villains... I'm behaving like a total kid with what is happening with Deku and Tomura in the 415 chapter.

Now, post-battle is another matter. We will cross that bridge when we get there, but they must be all alive and well or I'm ending what the League started and taking this whole world down with me (I'm not exaggerating at all haha why you ask?)

[sicknessbysalem]

Heyy, I just realised you changed your username. I was so confused for a second lol, awesome name tho :) Was just wondering if you're ever planning to revisit Novak and fam anytime soon. He was one of my fave OC's , and I have an affliction for reading masculine whumpees. Just the idea of them being all strong and tough, then so vulnerable really gets me. I was particularly loving your fics where it involves the whole football team or teammates etc, especially the flashbacks to his younger years. I'd love to request something along these lines, or maybe something involving being sick when he only just joined his final foster home/highschool years. Feel free to ignore if I missed something about you no longer posting him, or I missed a recent fic lol. Thanks!!

this ask literally made my day! please feel free to send more! I adore Novak and his little family! i decided to do the first time Novak got sick in the last foster home!!

tw for emeto, trauma implications, underage (17) sickie

Novak awoke to the insistent beeping of his alarm clock, the shrill sound piercing the early morning quiet.

Groggily, he rubbed his eyes and swung his legs over the side of the bed, the familiar routine of getting ready for school kicking in automatically.

As he stood, a slight headache throbbed at his temples, and he felt a wave of exhaustion wash over him. He brushed it off, assuming he just hadn't gotten enough sleep the night before.

Lack of sleep always made Novak feel more run down than usual and could cause headaches. Plus, it was early fall, so maybe the weather had something to do with it this time around. The weather changes always gave him headaches.

He moved through his morning routine with practiced efficiency, pulling on his clothes and heading to the bathroom to brush his teeth.

The bathroom light seemed unusually harsh, making him squint and wince as the headache persisted. Leaning over the sink, Novak took a deep breath, trying to shake off the sluggishness that clung to him. A faint hint of nausea resided in his stomach. It felt hard to swallow, but he didn’t feel like he was going to be sick. Not yet, anyway.

The thought of mentioning how he felt crossed his mind briefly, but he quickly dismissed it. In his previous foster homes, admitting to being sick had often led to accusations of laziness or attempts to avoid school. Those led to worse things. It was better to push through it, he told himself, rather than risk causing trouble.

Downstairs, the smell of breakfast greeted him, and he found Marina bustling around the kitchen, her movements graceful and efficient. Marina always tried to make breakfast for him and Nikolai. The smell made Novak’s stomach turn.

“Morning, Novak," she greeted him with a warm smile. "Sleep well?"

Novak forced a smile in return, not wanting to worry her. "Yeah, slept fine. Just the usual," he replied, grabbing a piece of toast and hoping his voice didn't betray his discomfort.

Nikolai, already seated at the table with a cup of coffee and the morning paper, glanced up and gave Novak a nod.

"Morning, Novak," he said, his voice gruff but kind. "Ready for the big game on Friday?"

"Yeah, definitely," Novak said, trying to sound more enthusiastic than he felt. He forgot about practice, and the thought of that was far from pleasing.

Marina’s eyes scanned his face briefly with a mother's intuition. Or critical analysis. Novak had only been here a few months. He didn’t know how to read her, or Nikolai. They were the first family he struggled to read but as it stood, he’d age out of the system in less than six months, so it didn’t matter anymore. If he could survive six months, they would be free to get rid of him.

That’s what Anika in his last home told him. He was as good as nothing when he turned eighteen. No family would want him longer than that. Not that Novak would need one after he turned eighteen. He could go to college, get away, and start his own life without infringing on the lives of good hearted people.

As Novak processed that thought, he wondered why he was thinking that. Why now of all times was he thinking that? Anika was a bitch, her opinions didn’t matter. Especially not now that he was out of her traumatic care.

It’s only then he realizes Marina is looking at him, like she asked a question and was waiting on an answer.

“Sorry, what?” Novak asked, “I’m still half asleep… I was up late studying for-“

“Your English presentation,” Marina said, “That was what I asked… was it today or tomorrow?”

“Today, yeah,” Novak nodded, “It’s just a basic… tell us about this play you chose… so it shouldn’t be hard.”

Marina tilted her head, and a softness crossed her gaze, “You look a little pale, Novak. Everything alright?"

His heart skipped a beat at her observation, and he quickly looked down at his toast, forcing another smile.

“I'm fine, Mrs. Daskalov. Just tired, I guess," he replied, hoping she wouldn't press further.

She studied him for a moment longer but then nodded, seemingly satisfied with his answer. "Alright, but if you're not feeling well, you let us know, okay? And you can call me Marina, dear."

Novak nodded, the familiar knot of anxiety tightening in his chest.

“I’ll call you if I need you…” He told her, though he wasn't sure if he believed it himself.

The school day loomed ahead, and despite the growing discomfort in his body, Novak grabbed his backpack and headed out the door, determined to push through whatever he was feeling. He couldn't afford to show weakness, not now, not when he still had months to go until he could leave.

-

As the morning progressed, Novak's discomfort grew more pronounced. By the time he reached his English class, the slight headache had become a constant throb, and the nausea was harder to ignore. He had a presentation to give today, and the anxiety of standing in front of his classmates didn’t help.

Taking a deep breath, he stood up when Mrs. Thompson called his name. His legs felt unsteady as he walked to the front of the class, clutching his notes.

He could feel the eyes of his classmates on him, and he forced himself to smile, hoping to mask his unease.

Novak began his presentation, his voice steady despite the turmoil inside. He focused on the words, trying to ignore the way the room seemed to tilt slightly. As he spoke about the themes in Macbeth, he could feel the sweat forming on his forehead. But he pushed through, determined to not let anyone see how badly he felt.

When he finally finished, Mrs. Thompson gave him an approving nod. “Well done, Novak. That was very insightful.”

He nodded in response, grateful to return to his seat. His friend Jake gave him a thumbs-up, and his best friend, Willow, smiled encouragingly. But Novak could barely muster a weak smile in return, his stomach churning unpleasantly.

Lunch was supposed to be a reprieve, a chance to regroup. Novak sat with his best friend, Willow, at their usual table. He picked at his food, trying to convince himself that his nausea was just from the anxiety of the presentation and the fact that he hadn’t eaten much for breakfast.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Willow asked, her brow furrowed with concern as she looked up from her AP Biology textbook, “You’re not eating much.”

Novak forced a small bite of his sandwich, hoping it would settle his stomach. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just nerves, I guess,” he lied, though the food felt like a lead weight in his stomach.

Willow didn’t look convinced but didn’t push further. She kept an eye on him, her concern evident in her eyes.

“Are you having fun with that book?” Novak asked, trying to steer the conversation away from him, “You and your three science classes.”

“Hey, I like science,” Willow said, “Plus if I want to go to medical school, I need all the science I can get.”

As lunch went on, Novak’s discomfort only grew worse. The sandwich that he’d hoped would settle his stomach now seemed to mock him, the nausea intensifying with every passing minute. He tried to take deep breaths, hoping to calm the churning in his stomach, but it was no use.

“I think I need to go to the bathroom,” Novak said abruptly, standing up a bit too quickly. The sudden movement made his head spin, and he had to grip the edge of the table to steady himself.

Willow looked up, worry etched across her face. “Do you want me to come with you? Well not like… I mean do you want me to help you to the nurse instead… you really don’t look good.”

“No, I’ll be fine. Just need a minute,” Novak replied, forcing a reassuring smile. He didn’t want to worry her more than necessary.

He made his way to the bathroom, the hallways blurring slightly as he focused on putting one foot in front of the other.

Once inside, he headed straight for one of the stalls. He stood back against the door and took deep, shaky breaths. The nausea was overwhelming, and he leaned forward, waiting for the inevitable.

But nothing happened. He dry heaved a few times, his body convulsing with the effort, but he couldn’t get properly sick.

The nausea remained, a constant, gnawing presence that refused to be relieved. Novak felt trapped in his own body, the discomfort and anxiety feeding off each other in a vicious cycle.

He stood there, hunched over the sink, his breaths coming in ragged gasps. The minutes ticked by, each one feeling like an eternity. He could hear the faint murmur of conversations and laughter from the cafeteria, a stark contrast to the quiet agony he was enduring.

Novak splashed some cold water on his face, hoping it would help, but the relief was fleeting. He glanced at his reflection in the mirror, seeing the pale, drawn face staring back at him. He looked as bad as he felt, and the sight only made his anxiety worse.

The bell rang, signaling the end of lunch. Novak took a deep breath, trying to compose himself. He had to get through the rest of the day, no matter how awful he felt. He couldn’t let anyone see how badly he was struggling.

With a final, shaky breath, Novak straightened up and headed back to class. The nausea still lingered, but he forced himself to push it aside, determined to make it through the day without causing a scene.

Willow gave him a questioning look as he returned to their table to grab his backpack, but he just nodded, indicating he was ready to go.

By the time they reached science class, Novak was struggling to keep his composure. The sterile smell of the lab and the chemicals they were supposed to use for the experiment were overwhelming. He sat next to Willow, his body tense with the effort of holding himself together.

Willow noticed immediately. “Novak, you look really pale. Maybe you should go to the nurse,” she whispered, her voice filled with worry.

Novak shook his head, trying to take deep breaths to calm his stomach. “I’m okay. Just need to get through this, day’s almost done,” he muttered, covering his mouth as another wave of nausea hit him.

Mr. Davis started explaining the experiment, but Novak could barely concentrate. The smell of the chemicals was too much. He clenched his fists, willing himself to stay calm, but the nausea was relentless.

Willow placed a comforting hand on his arm, her touch grounding him for a moment.

But it was no use. Without warning, Novak felt his stomach lurch violently. He barely had time to turn away before he felt something hot and thick coming through his fingers. The suddenness of it took everyone by surprise, the room falling silent as his classmates stared in shock.

Mr. Davis looked over. “Novak, are you alright?” he asked, but Novak could only shake his head, his body still heaving.

The embarrassment and the sudden sickness overwhelmed him. He felt his vision narrowing, the room spinning around him.

He couldn't believe this was happening, and worse, he couldn't shake the fear of what Marina and Nikolai would think. Would they be angry? Disappointed? He didn't know, but the thought terrified him.

“Here,” Willow said, grabbing Novak’s bag and standing, helping him stand up , and soon Novak found himself being helped out of the classroom, his mind a chaotic mix of shame and fear. As he was led to the nurse's office, he couldn't help but panic internally, dreading the conversation he would have to have with Marina and Nikolai.

His past experiences in foster homes told him that getting sick could mean trouble, and despite their kindness, he couldn't shake the fear that this time would be no different

-

Novak stumbled into the nurse's office, guided by Willow. The room felt stifling, the fluorescent lights too bright, and the antiseptic smell too harsh. He sank into a chair, his head swimming with dizziness and fear.

“I’ll get your work and bring it over,” Willow said.

The nurse, a substitute he hadn't seen before, looked up from her desk with a concerned expression.

"Alright, let's get you settled," she said kindly, though her unfamiliarity added to Novak's anxiety. "Can you tell me your name and who we need to call?"

"Novak," he mumbled, his voice barely audible. "Novak... Kaminski. My foster parents, Marina and Nikolai Daskalov, and... and my case worker. They need to document that I left school early."

The nurse nodded, taking down the information. "Alright, Novak. We'll get in touch with them right away. Just try to relax for a moment."

But relaxing was impossible. His thoughts raced, each one a frantic worry about what Marina and Nikolai would think, what they would say. His stomach twisted in knots, the nausea rising again as the panic intensified.

A few minutes later, Marina arrived, her face a mix of concern and urgency. As soon as she saw Novak's pale, sweaty face, she hurried to his side.

“Novak, sweetheart, what's going on?" she asked gently, her voice full of worry.

Before he could answer, another wave of nausea hit him. He barely had time to grab the trash can next to him before he was vomiting again, the effort leaving him weak and shaking.

Tears of humiliation stung his eyes as he leaned over the trash can, unable to stop the heaving. And he was scared. Scared of what she would do once they left. Or Nikolai.

Marina knelt beside him, her hand rubbing soothing circles on his back. "It's okay, Novak. Just breathe," she murmured softly.

She brushed back his damp hair, her touch gentle and reassuring. As her hand made contact with his forehead, she could feel the heat of a fever.

"You’re burning up, poor thing,” she said, moving her hands to feel his face, only confirming her suspicions, "We need to get you home."

Novak's panic only grew. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," he gasped out between heaves. "I didn't mean to... I didn't want to... ruin your day."

Marina's heart ached at his words. She continued to soothe him, her voice calm and reassuring. "Novak, it's alright. You're not ruining anything. You're sick, and you need to be taken care of. That's all that matters right now."

The nurse handed Marina a cold compress, which she gently placed on Novak's forehead. "Let's get you up slowly," she said, her arm around his shoulders for support. "We're going home, and we'll take care of you there."

As they made their way out of the school, Novak's fear and panic began to slowly subside under Marina's calm presence. She helped him into the car, her movements careful and caring. "You just rest now, okay?" she said, brushing his hair back once more. "We'll be home soon."

In the car, Novak leaned back, the cool air from the vents a relief against his fevered skin. Despite his lingering nausea and the exhaustion that weighed him down, he felt a flicker of something he hadn't felt in a long time: safety. Marina's kindness and gentle care were unlike anything he'd experienced in his previous foster homes. As he closed his eyes, he took a shaky breath, beginning to trust that this time, things might be different.

-

Back at home, Marina guided Novak inside, her arm still around his shoulders for support. Novak’s steps were unsteady, his body drained from the ordeal. He felt a wave of guilt wash over him as they stepped into the familiar warmth of their house.

“Marina, I’m really sorry,” he started, his voice trembling. “I can sit in your office at the gallery, or even in one of the bathrooms, if you have stuff to do. I don’t want to be a bother.”

Marina stopped and turned to him, her expression soft but firm. “Novak, you’re not a bother. You’re sick, and you need to rest. That’s all that matters right now.” She paused, thinking for a moment. “How about this: why don’t you change into something more comfortable and lay down on the couch in the basement where I do a lot of my painting? I can work on some of my art and keep an eye on you. Does that sound alright?”

Novak hesitated, then nodded. The basement was a cozy space, filled with Marina’s paintings and art supplies. It was comforting in a way that didn’t make him feel like he was intruding. “Okay, I can do that.”

Marina smiled, relieved. “Good. Go get changed, and I’ll set up the couch for you.”

A few minutes later, Novak emerged from his room in soft sweatpants and an old t-shirt, feeling a bit more at ease in the familiar, comfortable clothes. He made his way to the basement, where Marina had already laid out a blanket and a pillow on the couch. She was setting up her easel nearby, a palette of colors ready for her next piece.

“Come on, lie down,” she urged gently. Novak did as she said, sinking into the couch and pulling the blanket over himself. The exhaustion from the day hit him hard, and he felt his eyelids growing heavy.

Marina sat on a stool by her easel, glancing over at him. “Just rest, Novak. I’ll be right here.”

He nodded, his eyes closing almost involuntarily. The rhythmic sound of Marina’s brush against the canvas was soothing, and before long, he drifted off into a fitful sleep.

Some time later, Novak woke abruptly, his stomach churning violently. Panic surged through him as he realized he was about to be sick again. He tried to sit up, fighting the nausea that threatened to overwhelm him, but it was a losing battle. His breaths came in quick, shallow gasps, and he felt a cold sweat breaking out on his skin.

Marina noticed immediately, putting down her brush and hurrying over to him. “Novak, it’s okay,” she said softly, brushing his hair back from his forehead. Her touch was cool and soothing against his fevered skin.

“I’m gonna be sick,” he managed to choke out, his voice filled with desperation.

Marina nodded, grabbing a nearby trash can and placing it in front of him just in time. Novak retched, his body heaving painfully. Marina stayed close, her hand on his back, whispering comforting words. “It’s okay, sweetheart. Just let it out. I’m here.”

As the wave of sickness subsided, Novak slumped back, tears of frustration and embarrassment in his eyes. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, his voice breaking. “I didn’t mean to…”

“Shh, it’s alright,” Marina said, her voice filled with tenderness. She wiped his face gently with a cool cloth. “You don’t have to apologize, Novak. You’re sick, and you need to rest. That’s all that matters.”

He looked up at her, his eyes filled with gratitude and relief. For the first time, he felt truly cared for, not judged or reprimanded for something beyond his control. Marina’s kindness and understanding were a balm to his anxious heart, and he allowed himself to relax, trusting that she would take care of him.

[3gremlins]

da release date trailer thought: yeah it looks good! kinda sad they went with a more generic paler masc rook as the lead in this tho...like teaser trailer rook looked so good!? and this one looks kinda boring/seen it tbh, like at least make them an elf/qunari/dwarf and/or femme or something if you're trying to show off a different rook. just feels like a step back/bit of a cop out. also making them sword and board, like i love paladins too but they're much more visually boring than rogues sorrynotsorry. my heart when the griffon showed up again tho. i fucking love griffons guys you have no idea T.T rn i like davrin, bellara and lucanis best so far i think...i'm sure i'll romance all of the companions at some point, but those three are in the lead for first pt. tho maybe someone will show up and surprise me early on lol.

possibly unpopular opinion? kinda meh on morrigan showing up again, like i do like her but i just don't need her in the plot line anymore. prob because i usually play elves, i really resented her presence in DAI with all the elven lore stuff like you know who had a great set up to be involved with this??! MERRILL WHERE IS MERRILL?? you all said her fixing the mirror would have big implications but NAH. rip da2 you had the best companions/story bones and deserved more love than ea wanted to give you.

ALSO MY BOI THE BLOOD DRAGON ARMOR IS BACK BABY! unfortunately have to pre-order for it tho T.T still glad to see it back again tho. also maybe snag the art book, i don't think i care about the big $150 package of stuff with no game (that seems like a bad deal and they really need to call out more explicitly that it doesn't include the game- like it's in the description but should be in the title/bigger)

also also- excited to see solas' wolfsona finally but a little worried b/c it looks more like a hyena monster and not a cool multi-eyed smoky wolf creature like it does in all the concept arts/in game lore arts. obviously just a tiny glimpse in the trailer but a little concerning (like hyenas are cool but not what i want here in this instance)

excited for october tho! halloween release date (maybe, we'll see if it doesn't get pushed back but still SOONish)

[acaciapines]

please tell us how dess would approach kris’ species dysphoria & how she would teach him to deal with it. if she doesn’t just laugh awkwardly abt it and try to ignore it

actually!!! this is the one thing dess has going for her lol, i like to joke that in this au by losing their identity issues kris instead gains mommy issues. but basically, the big thing that even LEADS kris to all their identity issues in the first place is that when theyre like ten they find a book on humans in the library and realize them being a monster is a Lie, and around this time azzy is leaving for college, their parents are divorcing, dess has just gone missing, they're cutting themself off from noelle, and its this perfect storm for everything to go to absolute shit for kris. they lose their monster identity, everyone around them is trying to comfort them by saying 'its okay if youre human we still love you' when kris ISNT human and THAT ISNT HELPING, and theyre angry and bitter and a lot of kris's anger comes out as aggression and when cornered/when they feel theyre cornered they tend to lash out, which then bleeds into them realizing that of course they werent ever a monster because monsters are good always and theyre not a good person and coyotes are bad animals and kris isnt good or a monster and they sure as shit arent a human but maybe they can be THIS...etc etc etc. its a shitshow lol, but you know that we've seen how i write kris elsewhere.

BUT IN THIS AU, none of that happens!!! kris is 5 when dess dips with them and thus never actually finds out they're biologically human, or at least, not in the way they do in my canon. unlike asriel (who sees kris calling themself a monster and worries), dess is like 'alright cool' and just updates her mental kris file with 'is a monster' and so she treats and sees them as such.

that isnt to say kris doesnt struggle with species dysphoria, because they do, and they do probably eventually find out their body is biologically human (tho i havent really thought much about how that goes lol). but when this does happen they have chara who supports them, dess who supports them, frisk who supports them...and while they still idealize DESS to an unhealthy degree not being the only human in an all-monster town (+ having a human parent and sibling) means they never actually start idolizing ALL monsters in that unhealthy way.

so, the kris of this au isnt human, and very much feels uncomfortable when they're read as such. but their family (dess, chara, frisk) know them to be a monster. and they're able to model their appearance to appear more monster-like. i dont have a FULL design for kris yet (cause character design is my achilles heel lol) but they for sure wear a pair of antlers (akin to the horn headband, but these are Real Bone Antlers they probably got at an antique store that were modified so its like, feasible for them to wear these pretty much constantly), some sort of modified shoes/boots so it sounds like hoofclicks when they walk, probably other things i havent figured out yet...

its to the point that kris tends to be read as monster more-so than they're read as human! which has implications for when noelle first meets them, of course...but thats for another time.

and for those who might be wondering 'wait but isnt your kris a coyote?' they are! this kris is the same kris who goes on to be a coyote, its just kris's coyote-ness does have a very physiological origin lol. takes a few very specific circumstances for them to go coyote and not monster. but no matter what they are never a human <3

[animation-is-my-jam]

Least interesting part of some unknown Wordgirl lore to you? Or what you don't really have an eagerness to explore while others do? For me, while I like Tobey's character, I don't get the whole needing to always talk about his dad or giving him a dad.

That's tough since I like the vagueness and stupid silliness to invent unknown Wordgirl lore or to look at the implications within the show to piece lore. So I don't find certain things boring or uninteresting on that front.

Cause yes, believe it or not, I do care about things in Wordgirl that is not just (The Botsfords, Tobecky, The McCallisters, the Woodview kids, my AU, Professor Tubing, Tjohnson). I really like other aspects. I SWEAR I LOVE THE VILLAINS I JUST DONT DO MUCH WITH THEM CAUSE THE IDEAS I HAVE ARE LIKE BEYOND CANON AND THEY'RE OLD, AND EVERYONE ALREADY IN THE FANDOM HAS SUCH BANGER ART AND HEACNONS FOR THEM PLUS THEY'RE HARD TO DRAW OKAY. BUT I PROMMY I LOVE THE VILLAINS.

So, no, not really. I don't have an answer to this question. Thanks a ton for the ask, tho!! They're always appreciated.

And haha, that's understandable with Tobey. Not everyone is gonna care about popular villain backstory hcs, but I feel called out since I'm the number one who "Makes Tobey's dad/family important to Wordgirl lore" LMAO. Like I have Theodore McCallister II full backstory 1080p 4k in my brain most days, and yes, I have invested a lot of time to the McCallister family tree in general. Same with the Botsfords and Wordgirl's bio parents (especially these two).

But don't worry, we can at least agree on the giving him a dad thing. As cute as Two-brain’s father figure is, in my mind those two would not have a functional father son dynamic (my feelings on parental DTB is so funny and complicated, and I have that man be a father in future AU hehe). The closest he'll get is with probably Tim, but mostly as the best older male influence he has, and he appreciates and respects as Tim would never look down at him. (Also yeah Father-in-law possibilities I SWEAR I CAN GO ONE POST WITHOUT BRINING UP TOBECKY--). However, to me, I have always loved the idea that Tobey doesn't need a father after the failure of his first one. Yes, his issues, probable loneliness, and a need for people to never ignore him stem a lot from his mysterious, absent father. But, to me I feel like that doesn't mean Tobey should need a dad to make it up for that, because if anything I think the real compelling and complicated relationship he would focus on is with his mom. To me, he's got more mommy issues than daddy issues in canon. Tobey should care more about his relationship with his mom than to a father who isn't there. Maybe I'm just too much on my Tobey is influenced a lot by the female figures of his life brainrot of my feminist analysis of his character, but I don't think Tobey would care or want a father to feel emotionally complete or that he's not broken anymore. A lot of kids grow up without fathers, and they don't need one to be accepted by society. Yes, some do find someone who will fill that role, that in itself is respectable, and I do find it cute with the Tobey father figure candidates. But, I do find it more interesting if there was a rejection for such a connection from Tobey. You don't see that often in stories with characters raised by one parent. And I'm fascinated.

[pizzamuffindonutpeach33]

A sorta analysis of Lacey's petshop, though admittedly I'm not good at this sort of thing, I hope my thoughts are coherent enough lol

Spoilers under read more, as well as implications of animal abuse/death, abuse done to Lacey, and disturbing imagery. (Don't worry, no actual images/audio of animal abuse/death are shown in the video)

So now we know there was a whole website for the Lacey games! Though it was clear that some things weren't running smoothly.

The distorted image of the girl shown later in the video kinda looks like Rocio, the hair looks similar. Add that with Grace saying that "Roscio was hiding things from her", and it's clear that Rocio was responsible for adding the disturbing things in the Lacey games. My theory is that Rocio went through the trauma that Lacey went through, and vented it out through creating the games. I think she tried to hide it from the public, but it leaked out eventually. It's possible tho that Grace was lying and that she was actually responsible for the disturbing things, or that both were involved with that.

Sadly I can't make out what's said here. I tried using image enhancers but those haven't been helpful. If anyone knows what it says, feel free to let me know!

So, based on the text here, I think what happened is that Lacey used to have a dog, possibly the only source of happiness she got from living with her uncle, but her uncle intentionally killed her dog, or abused it to the point it died.

:(

So I don't want to say that I think it is, but it's possibly another highlight of how bad her home was...or maybe my mind immediately thought of something awful and there's another meaning to this.

I'm not an abuse victim, therefore I can't speak for their experiences, but it's not uncommon for abuse victims to get so used to their abuse that they feel like they can't live without it in some form. But again, I'm not an abuse victim, this is just from what I've seen online.

The text here is also hard to make out, but I see "My legs swell and turn yellow", so whatever is being said here is another highlight of the abuse that Lacey had to endure, I think.

'This is such a game". I'm not sure what the meaning behind this is, but I felt it was an important detail to add.

Here, Lacey is lamenting about leaving (obviously) and doing all the things that she wants to do when she gets out, but can't because "he's still under the bed". I think this means that Lacey doesn't want to leave her dog behind and is unable to take it with her, so that's why she's staying. Or maybe she's scared of what will happen if her uncle discovers her leaving.

I'm assuming that the distorted face next to the dog is her uncle or another abuser in her life. I think maybe as "punishment" for trying to leave, Lacey's uncle killed her dog, and that was the final straw for her, the thing that made her snap. He could hurt her all he wanted, but the second he laid his hands on her dog, that was enough.

Here, I think is Lacey getting revenge on her uncle after he killed her dog. I know what happened in the bad ending of Lacey's Diner, but that now seems more like a vent of what Lacey wanted to do (Put all her pain into one thing and serve it to other people) than what actually happened. Plus, the player can actually avoid the disturbing things in Lacey's diner, whereas here it's inevitable.

And that's my thoughts! I would like to hear other people's thoughts on this ^^

[garthofshayeris]

MY OFFICIAL THOUGHTS AND OPINIONS ON AQUAMAN AND THE LOST KINGDOM. Spoilers ahead.

OKAY. I was pleasantly surprised by how much I liked it. It was very fun and it did not have the problem of too many villains that I was expecting based on everything I read. If that was the result of the rewrites and reshoots, I am happy for them.

A lot of the visuals and smaller adventures felt very Silver Age! There were certain creatures that were directly from the 60s, which I appreciated. Topo was lovely. If you know me, you know one of my major gripes with some of the recent Aquaman comics is that they do not lean into the animal sidekick thing anymore. And the group of whales straight up killing all those people? THAT is the Aquaman content I like to see.

The horror elements were just enough to balance out the sillier parts. Although I knew Arthur Jr was never in any actual danger, this is the closest DC has come since the 70s to making it even somewhat realistic that they would kill a baby. Like, I knew they wouldn't. But for once I said to myself, "they've established this enough that I believe this threat." You know my stance on DC trying to bait another Death of a Prince...

The cursed Trident possessing Manta was giving such Preboot Orm vibes. I liked it, I appreciate a slow possession arc. Manta was scary and felt like a real threat, which is difficult to achieve when he's a human and he's fighting people so much stronger than him. Shin was also SO good, you knew he was going to redeem himself but it still felt very natural for him to do so. Idk why Manta trusted him with the baby duffel bag tho, after all the times Shin clearly was snooping and giving Manta disapproving looks. Also why did they put that baby in a duffel bag lmao

Overall, it was a pretty straightforward story that felt easy to follow. This isn't always the case for superhero films, so it was refreshing. And a good end to the franchise. This actually felt like it would have been a great end to a TRILOGY, and that we were missing a middle story...

HOWEVER.

Not to make this about me and my blorbo but.......this would have made a lot more sense as a story about Arthur and Garth. I'm sorry, but it's true. Every time I saw a Silver Age reference, I just said to myself "oh yeah, that's a story with Aqualad in it, but now it's Orm." I KNOW that Orm needed his lil redemption arc, but if Patrick Wilson was not besties with James Wan, I don't think he would have gotten one.

Because Kordax was Slizzath. He just was. They took Slizzath's story and renamed him Kordax. So many parts of the movie I was like "this is adapted from Tempest (1996)" BUT IF THEY HAD USED SLIZZATH WITHOUT GARTH I WOULD HAVE BEEN PISSED so I get it but I don't get it, you know? But Kordax was just Slizzath.

I posted a few years ago about my ideal Aquaman trilogy, and tbh this felt like my ideal third movie, plot-wise and tone-wise......except my vision was about Garth, not Orm. Orm could be there, I guess, but imo he should have had a sequel redemption and then the third movie should have introduced the evil sorcerer thing. It would have made perfect sense to need Atlan's blood, thinking they're fine because they saved the baby but then Garth accidentally bleeds on the altar and unlocking his powers, and releasing Slizzath. PLUS then he could freeze the ice caps again with his new found powers lmao I'm worried about the implications.........nobody in this universe has ice powers.....

I get that it would have been hard to introduce a new character for a sequel with absolutely no chance at a third movie, so I do understand that Garth was never an option....but holy shit, Garth would have been a perfect fit for this movie.

AGAIN, not to make it about my blorbo .......

also I cannot believe they killed Vulko via plague?? I almost laughed out loud. It's absolutely because they could not reconcile that if Vulko was alive, Arthur would not need Orm's help lmao RIP Vulko I choose to believe you were hanging around as a ghost like in Vol 5

One last gripe but omg Atlan's trident looked so BAD in some scenes??? It looked very prop-like, and not metal at all??? did anyone else notice it? It's really bad on the iceberg scene. The costumes were actually great but omg that trident prop lmao

OVERALL, it was a really fun movie. I'm happy to say that I liked it. I think it will get bad critic reviews and really good audience reviews. It just felt very fun and heartfelt. The action scenes were also well lit and easy to follow, and that alone should convince people to see it

I'm going to see it again tomorrow and I want to make a list of the other random things that I noticed. I know I'm missing a lot. How did ya'll feel about it??

[team7-headquarter]

You know, it's funny when people write the girls in Naruto being all jealous of each other and willing to fight for "their man", when in canon you have their dynamics being actually kinda cute and the implications going beyond what they feel for a guy, into "what issues led them to that point".

Take Karin and Sakura, for example. In the canon they were made to feel like trash or like they were not enough, helpless, useless, they were abused from the way they looked and made fun of and beaten up for that. Karin was objectified given her healing abilities and Sakura was objectified as an object of affection, someone to protect and love but not someone with agency, not really. Tsunade and Orochimaru took them in and even when it was not saving (because being their apprentices made it worst in some aspects), at least they were capable of fighting for themselves now.

Yeah, they both loved (or had a crush on) Sasuke and the story made of their feelings a recurring comedy gag, like how "obsessed" they were. The point is that, beyond the comedy relief moments, Sakura and Karin genuinely cared for Sasuke and wanted to help him. They wanted to see him safe and happy, to help him accomplish his dreams or goals. They were not perfect, their intentions can be selfish and flawed, but it's the same for almost every character in Naruto. They are no exception.

So when Sakura and Karin leave their safety to go after Sasuke, to go "help him", it's not just 'cause they want to romantically claim Sasuke. It's also about being useful, about feeling others trust them, about reclaiming the control they lost over their own lives, making their own decisions.

No one forced them to go there or be there, no one forced them to care about Sasuke. To say otherwise is to insult them, okay?

There's no reason why they'd help each other. No reason at all. They're strangers, they are enemies, they are kunoichis. Yet, I love the words of those panels because Sasuke calls Karin useless and he says Sakura can replace her. Sakura's fears are spoken out loud about another girl, in that panel, Karin and Sakura are one, reflected in the other. Sakura knows she won't kill the girl, she must be innocent, her target is Sasuke. She can't tho, for the same reason why Karin tells Sasuke to not kill Sakura. For all their crimes as shinobis and for all the violence they have grown used to, they're still soft, they want to do good, they still believe in the friendships they've chosen or still believe in their own choices.

Sakura saves Karin's life right then and Karin feels Sakura's sadness over her, her tears, it's clear that it affects her for the composition of the panels, for her words. Karin has been used and abused once more by someone she trusted, loved even, and now she's seeing a girl just like her but not breaking, but healing her still.

We don't really see Karin and Sakura interacting after that. That's all there is of them together, but it's the same as the Chuning Exam Preliminaries fight of Ino and Sakura. Their relationships with Sasuke were a part of who they were, but they were so much more than that and their dynamics were based on their experiences, not only a boy.

Karin didn't want Sasuke to hurt Sakura. Sakura didn't want Karin to die. Yes, they were on the same bridge, heartbroken over the same boy, but it spoke also of what is like to be a medic nin and a kunoichi at war, what is like to grow from a life of neglect or abuse or bullying or being sidelined to a life where your choices might have terrible horrible consequences, but they are yours.

Later, Karin and Sakura would decide to trust Sasuke again. Save his life. Fight for him. It's their choice to do so, but also, it's their choice to save Tsunade or Naruto and follow Orochimaru or go with Team 7 to fight Kaguya. Their paths cross because of Sasuke, because he knows them both and had worked with them both, but it's not like they'd fistfight over him in other circumstances.

Sakura worried over Hinata loving Naruto and she worried over Hinata putting herself in danger to confess to him, but she could relate. She knew that type of pain herself. Even when Ino was still interested in Sasuke, she was great friends with Sakura because their rivalry was bigger than him, so was their friendship.

In the serious moments, when it really mattered, those girls had each other's backs. To reduce them to fangirls or jealous bitches is insane, when it's most probable they'd work together to save the world or their interests than to destroy each other to see who could marry the boy.

The kinship they feel given the misogyny of the shinobi world and the severity of the lives they lead is stronger than any romance plot!!!!

[farasen]

regarding the ethnicity ask: since Markus' family is portrayed as being old money – old ass house, butler, insane wealth, a last name that suggests nobility (he technically is Markus OF Theumer) – it is unlikely that he (at least from his father's side) is anything else than German. The generational wealth the Theumers seem to have has pretty ugly implications about the family's past if you think about it for too long, and Dad Theumer navigates the world in a way that suggests that he and his family have faced very little adversity in their lives (= he acts like he has a right to be there). Though obviously this all says nothing about the background of Markus' mom!!! And I don't want to diminish your headcanons or anything, feel absolutely free to ignore this (this is your space after all)!, the idea of Markus being part of groups that have historically been very persecuted in Germany/Europe just gave me a bit of a pause for the reasons I mentioned. And I have admittedly spent too much time thinking about the Theumer family and where their money even comes from and all that. I really hope this doesn’t come off as rude or anything... I LOVE reading all your headcanons, and I love the idea of thinking about these characters’ backgrounds a bit more, since there are only three relevant characters who are not white on the show (Erol, Deniz, Kong), and it could use a bit more diversity for sure. Speaking of: do you want to share more about your headcanons about Erol’s past? (The episode about the special shoes also solidified in my mind that he grew up in Germany as the child of guest workers, so I’d love to hear more of your thoughts!)

I'm not familiar with all those nuances in the surnames, nor am I really interested in Markus to be honest. But if you think about it yeah, his dad's bloodline is most likely purely Germans. But then again we have his mom! Though she doesn't really look poc or anything, but still. Don't worry about being rude, you aren't! I like reading others ramblings after all.

Speaking of poc characters, I also thought about Hadschi. He's not dark-skinned, but I'm pretty sure he's Turkish too. Or he could be just Muslim. Or both. The cartoon gives very little information about his past, not to mention his upbringing, so it's up to fans ig. Pretty sure he is Turkish in the films tho.

I've already made a few posts regarding Erol's character, so I'll just kinda summarize it there. First of all, yeah, I believe that he was brought up in a family of guest workers, which might be the reason he lived pretty poor as a child (since he mentioned not affording those fancy shoes when he was younger). I also like to think that he struggled to speak German and integrating into country's culture in general as child. That's when a nice girl showed up and helped him with that. The girl would be Deniz' mother eventually. And they were good friends and all, so the feelings for each other just naturally grew up on them.

However, let's nor forget that Erol is most likely a teen dad. He started giving high hopes for his soccer career, because he was interested in sports since he was a child, but that didn't help his relationships with Deniz' mom. So he and the girl realized that they don't work for each other that well and fall out. His hard work paid off eventually and he became a football superstar and lived wealthy ever since. And just because he had it rough, Erol's probably that controlling over Deniz for the same reason with his "being with the best". He just doesn't want his child to feel the hard kicks from this world, as edgy as it sounds.

[llycaons]

so there's a ton of weird sex stuff from that author I have no interest in, but asides from that there's a few lines where lwj talks about not 'deserving wwx' which is so silly I think…you can litigate what wwx thinks he' 'deserves' all day but lwj doesn't really think in terms of deserving imo.

honestly it's just not a perspective that either of them I think really put much weight on? they may ask are they allowed something, sure. is this something they can prioritize above their responsibilities? is this something they want? is this something they can ethically do? is this something they can defy the elders for? worth risking their siblings for? is this something they're willing to sacrifice for? is this something they're even willing to pursue? is this something they CAN pursue?

but 'deserve' is like….this is going to sound weird but it feels like a very individualistic and even selfish consideration. bc the contrary is I Deserve This and if you talk about not Deserving something it's like you considered whether you have a specific right to it. does anybody in the entire show care about deserving things? they care about protecting their loved ones, and visiting vengeance on their enemies, and taking blame for things going wrong, and punishing those they consider stepping out of line, and ostracizing the outcasts, and consolidating power. it just doesn't seem like a very useful way to approach characters within that setting. maybe nmj would say jgy deserves death, lol. but idk it always struck me as an odd element to introduce into the story bc of the implication

especially for lwj...his hangups as an adult (in cql) have much more to do with not acting like his father and balancing his responsibilities with something that he's wanted for a very long time. once those issues are sorted there's no reason he'd deny himself or doubt himself imo. he may have taken years to get to a place where he's comfortable expressing himself to wwx but once he's there, he really wouldn't worry about whether he, specifically deserves any of it. he'd just embrace it. i can see the novel version of lwj being a little disbelieving or in shock early on bc it was SO fast, but even then he's pretty confident as soon as it happen he just takes charge like okay...it was such a long-simmering thing in cql tho that I imagine their get-together was just very natural and smooth and expected

and hang on, when the characters in fics talk about 'ohhh I don't deserve this' it's NEVER actually about the shit they actually did to each other. I have never in my life read a fic where(novel) wwx was like 'having sex with lwj while he was drunk was really shitty and I know I already apologized but maybe I don't deserve this with him' or with (novel) lwj like 'forcibly kissing wwx while he was blindfolded was probably really bad and I SHOULD TELL HIM and maybe I don't deserve this relationship UNTIL I TELL HIM AND APOLOGIZE' like it's always for this vague 'ohhh I'm ~unworthy~' shit that they really don't exhibit in canon and that feels WAY more like the author projecting their own insecurities onto two genuinely very powerful and righteous and confident characters.

wwx has his own hangups and regrets but he genuinely had the moral high ground in the past and he knew it, he takes joy and safety when he can, he never seeks punishment for what happened in the past, he defends himself against people who slander him, and he has full confidence in his inventions and cultivation abilities. that's not someone with low self-worth, and that's not someone who will hang-wring over a relationship with an equal that's been building for years. don't forget lwj abandoned HIM back then, and he may not blame him for it but it's a little nonsensical to claim he doesn't feel he deserves someone as good as lwj when he himself knows how lwj let him down. if anything he'd be worried about his reputation sullying lwj's and his presence damaging lwj's standing in his sect, but that's not the same as "I, personally, Do Not Deserve This', he may doubt his place in CR but after the get together I really don't think he doubts his place with lwj on a personal level, and lwj certainly doesn't doubt his place with wwx despite arguably having more to regret. bc neither of them wallow in regret, right? they keep moving forward and they do what they can to rectify their mistakes. wwx teaches jl how to fight. and lwj supports wwx like he always should have