#I do remember Kevin shows up at one point and is afraid andrew has been completely lost at first

[tell-me-your-vision]

Can y’all help me find a fic?

It’s an AFTG/The Host crossover where Andrew is suicidal so he volunteers to allow his body to be occupied by one of the alien “souls”. The soul is Neil.

So Neil joins Andrew in his head and keeps Andrew’s body going while trying to draw Andrew back into the world of the living.

I haven’t read or seen The Host and I don’t really care too, but I really enjoyed the fic and someone asked me for the link and I can’t find it.

Edit: Found it!

It’s “tell me you'll come home (even if it's just a lie)” by PolzkaDotz

[stargirlwnchstr]

I have a visual to share with y'all. Say welcome to my long ass 'The Foxes + tiktok' headcanon

@ nickythefox_es (part 1???)

Basically Nicky gets tiktok but all of the foxes show up eventually and just use his profile.

• Most of the videos are with nicky and allison, also matt and dan and occasionally neil.

• Allison and nicky learn so many dances.

• Their duet of make his pockets hurt with Mariah and Zane from the vlog squad is the first one to go v i r a l.

• Yeah most of their followers know them but some and a lot of the comments are non exy fans that just watch them because they're cool

• So many of the "what is exy" "stickball game??" "dont even bother explaining to me what is the sport they play I dont care I'm just here for neil." And related comments get a liked from creator (andrew told nicky to like them)

•The "Oh my god she's coming." "I'm so afraid of her." Audio are the twinyards and nicky shows up, he had to bribe them to be a part of that one.

• They post another version but it's Kevin that enters and Allison and Nicky talking

• So many comments thirsting over them and calling matt and dan parents

• "the real bisexual struggle is simping for matt and dan in the same tiktok." -> liked from creator nickythefox_es commented/replied: ASDGFKSSDWADKWB

• Someone makes a 'put a finger down: Neil Josten edition' and nicky drags him to do it. They both smile as they listen to the prompts and Neil obviously puts all his fingers down but they're like "put a finger down if you clapbacked/if you bad mouthed someone (bonus points if it was on national tv)" "put a finger down if you're under 6 feet" "put a finger down if you love exy" and the last one just says "put a finger down if andrew minyard." Neil does and smiles at someone off camera. Needless to say it goes viral as well. A few weeks after nicky gets verified.

• Allison becomes friends with thenavarose and wisdom sorry I dont make the rules (they're fashion tiktokers)

• They make a series of rating each of the foxes throughout the day, including one of Wymack.

• They do receive bad comments, from bitter ravens fans or just recalling their pasts and nicky sits down and makes a video telling everyone about how they do this videos for fun they dont need hate and negative comments on their videos and all that

• Then another one posted minutes after, neil comes in and nicky says "okay neil you have one minute. Rant off." And neil goes on this rant like how they already hit Rock bottom a single comment is not gonna hurt them and "do you get how insignificant and meaningless your lives must be? You took the time to write and post a comment that you thought was gonna cause an impact and failed. Also thanks for the comments though it helps nicky stay on the algorithm." NICKY SCREECHES AND THE VIDEO ENDS WITH THEM SMILING

• Allison vlogs neil and her going shopping or thrifting also cutting Neil's hair

• *neil walks into the room wearing his orange bandana* *camera moves and zooms on Andrew's face* he doesnt lip sync but the song sings "oh noo I think I'm catching feelings" andrew tells him to delete it "but it already has thousands of likes andrew"

• They post some of their work out routines per request

• One of them is the fast and "I'm spinning like a ballerina" chill of neil just running on the treadmill and doing sprints and squats and leg stuff while it cuts to allison doing a bit of everything but looking like a queen on a matching set.

• A fun one that goes viral for "vine energy" is: it's very quiet on the court and Kevin, very in the zone, throws the ball to the goal, which Andre's catches easily and almost without moving. The camera goes back to kevin as he screeches and let's himself fall on the ground. Neil is standing beside him shaking his head and looking at the goal with a smile on his face.

• They try to teach neil the dances but while filming one of them he just leaves. They post it either way.

• They're in the bus, nicky is on selfie mode and says "it is game day my dudes" he turns and shows the whole bus S C R E A M S, in the corner Wymack is covering his face.

• The iconic "they say drunk thoughts are sober words" or something like that and it cuts to a series of videos of the foxes drunk af. Example: Nicky grabbing Allison's face and saying 'Remember. Bread. Head. Leave.' And allison nodding.

• Nicky films kevin standing up and put the "do you ever wonder what is going on inside their head?" And it cuts to pictures of racquets and exy and Jeremy Knox and one that says history stuff.

• Another one that goes viral is kevin very seriously and p e r f o r m i n g, rapping Jefferson's side of the cabinet battle #1 from Hamilton then towards the end andrew stands up in front of him and with his iconic bored expression he starts rapping Hamilton's part. Behind the camera there's a soft "...oh my gOD" and kevin is shocked eyes widen open and then the camera zooms on Neil who's mouth is open in shock but GRINNING and ~impressed~

• Dan and matt do The challenge, you know the one that like has to flip them over and all that and they ace it, nicky points the camera to where andrew and neil are stating and Andrew says no.

• A few minutes later another video of the challenge is posted only this time is matt and neil.

• Nicky and allison are in full gear filming a dance video (maybe savage or captain hook) on the court and someone films them filming that and then Wymack looking at them SO disappointed cut to Wymack with nicky's phone, having confiscated it and nicky besides him "coach, it's cardio!"

• Hours spent trying trick shots

• Foxes: "get back! Move!" Ravens: "Let me in! I be the I g g y!" Trojans: "Oh my God do no let her in" Foxes: "I am trying!"

• Nicky lying down: "okay but someone needs to tell me how old is the shirtless pottery guy. I can't be part of another controversy. It's for science c'mon. *debby Ryan's*"

• Someone comments "he's eighteen. Simp away, nicky." And he makes a video with his feet swinging and smiling. Aaron gets on the frame and says "we are deeply in need of some bowls." The caption: hi @ papapots

• They are verified so obviously he gains a couple of thousands followers and he duets smiling and with a package in his arms. Text: thanks for the support (and hi new followers from sport side of tiktok hope you enjoy my pots) caption: hi @ nickthefox_es I got you aaron.

• After the package comes they duet it with nicky screaming and showing off the goods and then he moves stop show andrew eating ice cream out of one of them. Caption: AJSNEPWLDKSS THANK YOU DAX

• Allison and nicky do the "I love you!" "No you dont topper! You love the idea of me. You love being seen with me but you dont love me." But nicky is Sarah and allison is topper. Next day the obx ig page reposted it "we stan the psu foxes pogues for life." And chase stokes posts it on Twitter saying "yoo the palmetto foxes watch??? my show???" Nicky takes a screenshot and on green screen he says "hi chase!! We do! The whole team binged it. Currently we've been debating who of us is going to dress up as pogues for Halloween." A lot of voices start arguing and as nicky is gonna enter the debate the video cuts.

• Allison does the facetime *deep male voice says hey* prank on them. Neil doesnt react. Nicky doesnt look up from his phone but does the finger thing and says "get that d, allison!" Dan and renee look at each other and then at allison and she bursts out laughing.

• aaron studying to be a doctor: *two plus two is four etc sound* andrew (eating pretzels from the bag while watching a game show lying down in a bean bag) and his eiditic memory [basically not needing to study]: *three is a magic number sound*

• Nicky runs through the court and enters the lounge beside the photo wall there's a poster he shows the camera as the sounds says it "alive ahaha fuck"

• Somehow they convince all of them to show up and do the wipe it down trend that ends up with wymack throwing the towel at the mirror.

• Comment: so how many members of the team listen to girl in red or sweater weather? Nicky stands there with the color filter: 👁👄👁👉👈 caption: yes���

• He gets neil to duet to the whole "british people be like". "Neil I'm not british." "Part of you is so just read the tweets." He does and the comments are all thirst and simping

• Comment: raise your hand if you've been victimized by neil josten. Where my fellow Simps at? (The comment gets hundreds of thousands of likes) they make a video, everyone on the team except aaron who walks out raises their hand as the sound says "welcome to simp nation" kevin rolls his eyes but raises his, says something that nicky captions "i simp over his exy skills". andrew doesn't at first, but next to him neil whispers something and after andrew says yes, neil grabs Andrew's forearm and raises it. Andrew looks away and neil smiles.

• Nicky lying down: okay but what if Jean moreau traded places with the french guy from here you know who, david.

• Comment "ugh your mind nicky" reply video: right? Big brain, many thoughts, head full all the time. But like actually the idea of david playing exy and Jean hanging out with ducks and making viral tiktoks just-

• Comment "i feel you and @ austincantdrive would make the best chaotic duo" reply: we would be too powerful together. Austin replies too: agree.

• Allison makes a sports jersey/comfy wear but make it fashion and she styles herself. Everyone on the comments d i e s for her.

• Comment "okay but what about the boys. help allison." She makes a video too with matt and nicky and at the end neil wears an orange crop top and the internet b r e a k s

• Comment "allison do you listen to girl in red?" video reply: her winking at the camera and lip syncing as sweater weather plays. The comments a lot of them liked by creator: a win for the girls (and the boys)

• Upperclassmen Back in 2003: okay but hey do we always have to be involved? Can we do normal stuff that normal people do, like, go for brunch? Us (aaron, andrew, kevin and me): what the fuck is brunch?

• Of course they do the mr blue sky trend. Nicky: drunkenly goes to flirt with a guy. Aaron: drunkenly follows to get away from kevin. Kevin: drunk on pure vodka reminds us we have practice in the morning.

• Or another one all of them. Neil: ready to insult a reporter. Dan: tries not to laugh on camera. Matt: gets ready to hug him afterwards Allison and Nicky: Filming everything. Wymack: the only one trying to stop it from happening and failing.

• Dan and matt duet their reactions to every video edit of them, smiling and saying "your parents love you guys!".

• Comment "literally what is wrong with the ravens/ravens fans?The foxes are such a nice group of people and they're doing great in the sport y'all worship just shut up you cult-y athletic hype house." video reply: "ladies and gentlemen. The volume inside of this bus is A S T R O N O M I C A L."

• comment video reply: okay so we're not gonna talk about nicky at the gym?? Bc C A K E. nicky lip syncing "I'm glad you brung it up because I've been dying to talk about this for a fucking hot minute. First of all-"

• Colin uses one of Neil's or Andrew's interviews replies as one of his sounds and nicky fanboys a lot

• Allison and nicky do the Kardashian sound compilation.

• Nicky with a picture of Erik on green screen: "hi I just wanna say if you look anything like this please contact me. Thank you." Caption: miss u baby. And Erik watches his tiktoks and he facetimes him immediately. Nicky takes a screenshot and duets his own video crying with the screenshot caption: SKALSBSKAJSL Erik comments: stop making tiktoks and answer the phone, hemmick. Nicky replies: yessir everyone below comments keyboard smashes and you got a good one. Goals. Lmao kids that's what we call bottom panic. We stan one healthy long distance relationship and after that a bunch of long distance relationship questions that he makes another video on.

• A video of Katelyn and neil chatting and it pans to the twins watching them with the *when worlds collide sound*

• He reposts a snippet of one of his interviews post game where he grabs the mic from the reporter and nicky: can I say something? Reporter: sure, go ahead. Nicky: thank you. *looks straight into the camera* all the birds died in 1986 due to Reagan killing them and replacing them with spies that are now watching us. The birds work for the bourgeoisie. Thank you." And leaves. IT GOES VIRAL INSTANTLY.

• Comment "is everyone else gonna forget that tiktok where he said he was already part of a controversy? We stan a problematic icon?" Video reply: guys I might have been part of a whole Twitter beef thing against my little hoodie and Bruce hallway but c'mon, like, c'mon you can't blame me.

• Comment "for neil: does the carpet match the drapes 👅😍?" Video reply: neil on selfie mode. "Allison gave me her phone, told me to answer this and ran away so umm." He reads the box on the screen and frowns he walks and stands next to the window, where Andrew is sitting down and is barely seen on frame. "uhmm, the internet is confusing. Our carpet is like this" he turns the phone and shows the floor (grayish carpet) and then back at him "but we don't have drapes so, technically they don't match, I dont know." Andrew's head goes up and simply says "Neil." Neil turns "what?" And the video ends.

• of course nicky and allison do the WAP dance, on the court, when they should be running drills.

[andreils-keys]

kay so ive been taking prompts from my instagram and

why would you tell me not to kill one and if i do to bring him back please you’re taking all the joy out of writing >:(

anyways lets get into it <3 (tw: small mention of domestic abuse)

(disclaimer yes i am a kandreil shipper :))

andrew is cursed in the same way blue was sort of where if he tells someone that he loves them they’ll die (yes i changed it a bit)

but instead of doing the whole 'you're cursed zap magic' thing (bc i don't think it'd fit very well in the aftgverse) im gonna try something else             

andrew had some pretty shitty foster homes when he was young

but the worst one was a small house by a family-owned ice cream shop

he remembers the ice cream shop very vividly. it was where he went when his foster mother was out working or drinking. it was where he went to feel safe.

he was pretty young, maybe 4 ? 5 ? impressionable. in that stage where santa claus and the boogie man were real, where hiding under a blanket protected you from nightmares. (he learned pretty quickly that hiding under the blanket did not protect you from anything.

he was bashed and battered with fists and words, words that cursed his very being and proclaimed that to love him was to die.

he was so young

he was only a child

and he did what children do best

he believed        

there was a time when he doubted

another foster parent, a run down house made beautiful with love and mismatched furniture

the road to healing is rocky and dangerous, but easier to traverse when you have someone behind you

finally, he let himself love

he let his foster mother in, little by little, and he thought: maybe im not a curse

and he said: i love you

the day after, she died in a car crash

the car brutalized

her body brutalized

his heart brutalized

coincidence? he says out loud at the entrance of another foster home. because it needs to be said. because lies always become crystal clear when said out loud.      

bc of this he's never directly expressed love for anyone and he tends to distance himself from people just to make sure there's 0 risk of him causing someone's death

but if he does care for someone he shows this through actions (no i love yous because that's what he believes caused his foster mothers death)            

he's always had people he's cared about, people he's wanted to protect and keep safe

but ever since the car crash, hes never had anyone hes wanted to say i love you to     

until     

[enter kevin day]         

the first person that consumed him was kevin, the boy that sought him out in high school with desperation in his eyes, raving about a sport that had made andrews days in juvie a little more bearable. 

the man that always appeared on television with a cardboard smile stamped onto his face, always a step behind riko moriyama, always hiding in his shadow.

the man that inexplicably made yet another appearance in andrews life, this time with a shattered hand and a plea for help.

the man that pushed and pulled andrew just enough to get him through another day, another week.        

and then neil, so different from kevin and yet so alike, as sudden as a gunshot, as tantalizing as death. 

the boy that's as invested in riko and kevin as andrew is. 

the boy that is impenetrable and distrusting, the boy that lets no one in. 

at first andrew thinks he's safe. as long as neil doesn't let anyone in, that means andrew won't have to let him in. and kill him.

aha sike. turns out neil is the trusting-no-one-but-andrew-minyard-and-kevin-day type           

the three of them form a twisted complicated pyramid; each side leaning against the other two. immovable. strong. inseparable, unless andrew deliberately pushes himself away when the feeling ballooning in his chest is too much.

(although he will always get pulled back in. the gravity of neil and kevin is too strong for andrew to stay away.)

he promises to protect them because that's what he does for the people he cares about.

but falling in love is a whole other ball game.

andrew is so afraid.

afraid to love them, afraid to let them in.

he knows he can't allow it; every time he thinks of how much he feels for them, he remembers the car, the shattered windows, the pieces of glass tipped with blood.

but andrew is only human.

even if he tells himself not to fall in love, the heart and body tend to ignore the mind.

he let’s himself be selfish

the hard press of kevin's lips against his, the gentle tug of neils fingers threaded through his hair, a hand clamped against neils neck and the other gripping kevin's arm.

that is all andrew allows

he doesn't mind if kevin and neil go gallivanting off somewhere on their own (s a f e l y; if those idiots get taken by the yakuza it would be extremely inconvenient for andrew)((andrew: dammit now i have to save them from the mafia nicky: you don't have t- andrew: no im gonna)), even if it prods unpleasantly at a sensitive point in his heart. if they're happy, hes happy. 

(well, not quite happy. satisfied is the proper word. and he supposes that's the most he can ask for.)       

he doesn't tell them about the nightmares. the dreams of fire and blood and twisted metal, of fists and a curse and a small, dark room. more often than not neil will wake to find andrew sliding out of his bunk and going to the kitchen for a bowl of ice cream.

neil won't pry, but he'll wake kevin and they'll join andrew in the kitchen, standing on the other side of the counter from andrew with their shoulders pressed together, a reminder to each other and andrew that they are there for each other.         

and then neil disappears. like a dream. like smoke. 

andrew took his eyes off neil for one second, and neil vanished in the crowd of angry fans.

they search and search but neil is gone.

all they find is neils exy racket lying on the ground in pieces, broken from the stampede of fans.

andrew whispers, the words dredged from a desperate, vulnerable place inside him: i love you. neil, i love you. come back to me. come back to kevin. come back to us.     

the next day, the fbi tells them that they found neils gym bag. it was covered with tire tracks and spattered with blood.

they couldn’t find neil.    

and the pyramid falls.

the grief and guilt and heartbreak andrew feels is unparalleled. never has he felt so broken. never has he felt so dirty. he did this. he did this.

kevin insists neil is still alive. lost and floating, but alive

but andrew knows better.

his nightmares get worse. sprinkled in with the mauled car and heavy fists is a shattered exy stick, a gym bag dripping blood, an unreachable figure with red hair and a slash of a smile.

andrew spirals. 

he refuses to speak to anyone. even kevin. he'll stay with kevin and press his palm into the side of kevin's neck, his pulse grounding andrew and keeping him in the here and now, but he will not speak.    

cabeswater brought gansey back right and i feel like the one closest to magic would be renee (thank you neils jortventures fairy magic huzzah) except she doesn't use magic. 

so remember how she was affiliated with a gang when she was young 

there was a member of the gang that continued to reach out to her, especially once they escaped from the gang a little after renee did

renee did respond to their messages, but she tried not to initiate conversation because they were part of her old life and she was living and loving her new one. 

essentially she was nice enough not to cut them out completely. 

unfortunately the kid got caught up in another gang that was closely associated with the butcher of baltimore

when nathan dies they text renee about how their gang is in pieces because the butcher is dead. 

renee isnt there to receive the message right away (she and andrew were sparring, as they were keen to do now that neil was gone and andrew was out of sorts) and kevin is the one to catch the word butcher when the notification pops up

he scrambles for renees phone and sees: the butcher is dead.

he is so relieved because the butcher, the man kevin always had to fear and avoid, is dead

and then he starts to think

neil’s father was the butcher. does this have something to do with neil? was the butcher the one that took neil? if the butcher is dead, does that mean neil is still alive?

it’s a bit of a stretch, but kevin is willing to believe anything if it means that neil is alive

he tells andrew

he doesn't expect andrew to do anything but he still wants to tell him, just so that andrew will know, just so that kevin himself can taste the words.

kevin asks renee if they can reach out and she's like wtf y'all doing going through my phone but she understands how hard it hit them, andrew especially, and if it'll help them she'll go along   

they meet up with the kid

renee seems nice enough, but andrew can tell how strained she is by the way she keeps cracking her knuckles one by one

they get the info from the kid about a red haired blue eyed cut up burned kid

kevin is distraught about the cut up burned part

andrew is close to vomiting from a whirlwind of relief (they never said he was dead) and denial and fear for neil

he refuses to get his hopes up; he said the cursed words. he saw the blood on neils’s gym bag. he saw the shattered exy stick. (or was that a dream? his nightmares and reality are so tightly interwoven he can hardly tell what's real)

the kid warns kevin and andrew that the last time they saw neil was in the basement and that the probablity of him still being there is relatively low

kevin makes a sort of impatient gesture at the kid and they bring kevin and andrew to the house (renee stays behind; she made a lame excuse about needing to make a phone call but she just wanted to give them space, either to reunite with neil or grieve their loss a second time)

from the outside, it’s a nice looking house and it doesn’t look threatening in the least, but andrew knows how deceiving appearances can be

once they go inside everything is in shambles. the couch overturned, the tv screen cracked in multiple places, ceiling plaster and pieces of porcelain all over the counters and dining table

the kid points them to the basement

kevin is the first to go down

andrew is surprised mainly because kevin is usually always so careful

andrew follows more warily, afraid to find nothing, afraid to find neil; afraid to have his heart broken all over again, afraid of the prospect that he has wasted his entire life living a lie.

he reaches the basement to find kevin wrapped around a small beat up, bruised, burnt, and shivering lump.

neil is hurt and bloody, and it drives a stake through andrew’s heart, but the fact that neil is breathing and alive alive alive causes a different kind of pain, the unique pain of relief and sorrow and love swirled together.

kevin is stroking neils hair and very obviously trying not to have a panic attack and andrew goes to them

sits down

both kevin and neil look up at him, and andrew watches as some of the fear and pain in their eyes fades.

he can feel the words bubbling up and he wants to say them, to scream them, but they are stuck inside his throat, twisted around his tongue.

it is a language andrew has taught himself to unlearn.

the road to healing is rocky and dangerous, but easier to traverse when you have someone behind you

it’s even easier when you have two people behind you, people who have seen what you have seen, people who make an effort to understand you.

andrew eventually does say it.

the words, no longer cursed, are still clumsy and fall in a messy jumble at his feet

but there they are, light as a cloud, heavy as a storm:

i love you

[writingpuddle]

“Don’t you ever get lonely?” Nicky asked, digging in his pack for a chocolate bar. To their left, the cliff dropped away precipitously, sheer granite cliffs like sentinels at the end of the world.

Neil stared at Nicky. “No,” he said.

“What, never?”

Neil looked out across the sweeping vista of mountains before them. A speck that could have been a hawk or a raven or a sparrow spun against the sky, too small and distant to judge. He’d stood in the middle of busy cities; he’d gone to school with hundreds; he’d even tried out for a track and field team once. He’d been surrounded by people, and he had been so ferociously lonely it had been like a knife in his chest.

“No,” he said, because he didn’t know how to explain—didn’t even want to, really. He’d felt more alone back in the so-called real world than he’d ever felt in the wilderness, miles from any other person. When there was no one around, there was no one to miss.

~~~The Long-Distance Hiker AU (A Bullet Point Fic)~~~

So after Neil’s mom died he kinda of ghosted around for a while and eventually ended up in a small hiking town in California

He met a bunch of thru hikers and figured, hey, my dad probably won’t find me if I’ve fucked off into the wilderness

So he starts hiking

And pretty soon he realizes it’s the best thing he could imagine

He spends all summer in the mountains and when winter rolls around he finds a temporary job in a skiing town working in a second hand gear shop

He’s an ultralighter in the most accidental sense possible

His gear is weird and cobbled together and his shoes are held together with dental floss

He sleeps under a tarp with a down blanket and a thin foam mat and he’ll eat the same shit day in day out without even registering it while he covers frankly obscene distances every single day

It basically gives Kevin an ulcer

Kevin’s an ultralighter, but in the stuck up, rich bitch way; his gear is probably worth thousands of dollars and he’ll lecture anyone who listens about ripstop nylon and is super snobby and elitist about who is a so-called “real” thru hiker (hint: anyone who doesn’t do it his way isn’t a real thru hiker)

(don’t worry he’ll get smacked around a little by people like Dan and stop being such a little bitch about it but he grew up rich so even though it might’ve been shit living with Riko he really doesn’t always take into consideration the context of how much fucking money gear costs when he’s preaching about ultralighting)

(yes I’m taking out my dislike for pretentious rich ultralighters on him, okay, but the difference is he’ll have character growth versus the people I met are probably still being preachy and self-important to this day)

Andrew’s like the exact opposite

His pack weighs like seventy pounds and he’ll pull a six-inch knife (a gross misuse of smart gear weight management) at anyone who comments

He has a completely contained single person tent that’s big enough to sit up in and a four-inch inflatable mattress

His sleeping bag is rated to like -20 even when he’s hiking in the summer

Nicky swears he once saw him pull a full-sized chocolate cake out of his backpack three days down the trail and everyone says that’s stupid and made up but secretly think its totally true

Andrew likes to hike alone but somehow he’s never more than a day away from Aaron and Nicky and when he keeps showing up near them it gets harder and harder to pretend like he doesn’t actually care about them

Nobody says anything, obviously, but Nicky gets a little teary when he starts to notice the pattern

It was Nicky’s idea; in this universe Erik got him into hiking when he was in Germany so he got the cousins into it as a bonding exercise and then it turned out it was the best family activity they had ever found

This is several years after they graduated and they’ve scrounged together enough time and money to hike the Pacific Crest Trail

Now the upperclassmen:

So Stephanie Walker is a trail angel: one of those people who lives near a long trail and provides snacks and rides and somewhere to stay and basically helps out anyone who comes by with whatever’s going on; she’s pulled a lot of people out of frankly dangerous situations and she’s not afraid of anything the trail has to offer

So Renee finds herself and her faith while living this life of meeting new hikers every day and it’s almost inevitable that she starts to hike and find solace in the wilderness

Allison is one of those Wild types: she’s done some hiking (much to her parents’ chagrin) but she’s never done a thru trail or even much overnighting before, but she’s ready to throw herself into it and doesn’t care how dirty she gets

She totally carries a tiny spa package though

The other women are very skeptical because they take pride in being free from societies expectations and make up and shaving but they come around after Allison pulls it out one time when they’re seven days into a ten day section and gives them face masks and they all have a little pedicure pampering session (so, so needed when your feet are being beaten and bruised by hard terrain all day)

She has a lot of new, expensive gear and is super touchy about people trying to help her (because a beautiful woman absolutely gets people trying to “help” all the time and it’s infuriating and condescending) but she learns to accept help from her closest friends

She was showing off near the beginning of the trail drinking with a bunch of guys and probably got too sloshed trying to act tough (alcohol hits you waaaay harder at high elevations dude, if you’re not expecting it you can get Fucked Up really fast)

It’s Seth who realizes things are getting out of control and pulls her out before the guys can do anything shitty which is how their friendship and eventually their relationship gets started

They piss everyone off with their constant breaking up and getting back together on the trail, sometimes hiking together for days and then splitting up and going to hike with other people but they find a lot of healing out there in the woods

Seth’s mom is totally dismissive and condescending of his hiking, she thinks it’s a stupid waste of time, but she thinks everything he does is a stupid waste of time so at least when he’s out there without cell service he has an excuse to not respond to her

Now Dan

Dan’s trailer trash, right

She’s got no fucking cash but she has this dream in her head to hike the PCT and she’s going to fucking well do it

Her gear is probably most similar to Neil’s except where his is a mess of weird priorities and held together by spit and twine

Hers is meticulously planned

It’s cheap, some of it’s over forty years old, but it’s hers

It’s probably the only stuff in the world that’s actually hers

She accumulated it over about four years, hitting all the second-hand gear events, saving up every penny, packing and repacking and writing everything out in great detail until David Wymack got wind of her plans at a gear event

He’s one of those guys who hiked the PCT thirty years ago back before anyone knew what it was except instead of feeling superior about that it means he knows exactly how much impact experiencing the wilderness can have for disenfranchised people

He approaches Dan and offers to sponsor her hike

She’s resistant at first; she planned this hike, she got all the stuff together, she was going to do it without anyone’s help

But he comes back and says he just wants her to write about her experiences and publish it on his website

He’ll pay her for the work, of course

And she wavers and finally caves because this will move her plans up by about two years if she can make money while she’s hiking instead of having to hoard up enough cash to take six whole months off

Her blog posts are a huge hit

She doesn’t preach about how the mountains saved her, or get too metaphorical about hiking or anything like that

She just talks about the real, raw experience of hiking

The friendships, the trials, the triumphs

The infuriating people whose mental image of the hiking community doesn’t include poor black girls who grew up in a trailer park, who say she’s an inspiration like they actually mean something else

She talks about the days that she flies up the mountains and the days that she can barely drag herself out of her tent and the day she realizes that Allison and Renee, these women she thought could not be more different from her, are the best friends she’s ever had in the world

And she’s takes fucking amazing pictures

She’s also very determined not to have a trail romance

That’s stupid and cliché

Look that guy Matt might be hot but she’s not interested

He’s clearly working through some stuff and she’s not here to be some guys savior or whatever

So Matt then

His mom helped him get sober a couple years ago and he’s been struggling with it ever since

She got him into hiking as an outlet and a healthy hobby and he took to it like a fish to water

He’s got legs for days and he doesn’t mind carrying a heavy pack, he can hike for hours without stopping

(The fact that he’s faster than her pisses Dan off a bit, but sometimes you gotta accept that you’ve got short legs and just hike your own hike, there aren’t any prizes for speed)

He relapsed again a couple months before his hike started and he and Randy weren’t even sure if he was going to be able to do it but he’s damned well going to try

So anyway

Pretty much everyone is trying to actually hike the PCT except Neil

He drives everyone bonkers

His motivation isn’t really about the trail so much as staying out in the wilderness where there are no gangsters to murder you

So he just does whatever he wants and keeps showing up at random points

He’s technically got one of the thru hiker permits but he frequently goes off on side trails not on the PCT and ends up hiding out in the woods so rangers won’t find him

He’ll just hitchhike straight through boring sections or anywhere that you pass through too many towns where he’d rather not be remembered

He keeps coming back to the PCT but it’s more like it’s a rough guideline of where to go than an actual route he’s taking

He’s got his natural colouring back because who’s dying their hair or wearing fucking contacts on the trail?

But also

Who would ever associate a runaway mafia kid with a guy with overgrown hair and a stained t-shirt who’s sitting serenely on a mountain pass in a photo on David Wymack’s website?

Nobody

That’s right kids, Nathan doesn’t have a role in this one because he doesn’t find Neil

Maybe he gets killed in a shoot out or something and some other gangster steps up and takes over, and in the shuffle Neil’s just kinda forgotten

Maybe he finds out months later and he just stares at the computer in shock because he should have known, shouldn’t he? He should have felt it when his father died

He should have realized that he was free

That happens later though

Who fucking cares what Riko’s doing honestly

Kevin has somehow attached himself to Andrew and is driving him up the wall with advice to improve his hiking/base weight/distance/etc and he sees this guy (Neil) who regularly covers like thirty or forty miles a day (obscene!) and is like YES this guy is my people!

Except when he starts talking to Neil he realizes he’s this total weirdo who doesn’t even have a cook set he just eats cold food (a common enough thing among ultralighters, but not like this. Oh god, not like this)

Neil’s just sitting there gnawing on a pack of uncooked ramen like a fucking animal

And he’s not! Even! Hiking! Properly!

You’ll never finish the trail if you hike like this!

Neil just gives him a blank look

He’s got no interest on getting on some “verified” list of people who hiked the PCT, he just likes hiking

Andrew likes him

I mean obviously he despises him what the hell is with that janky ass setup but also he’s so unconventional and unapologetic how could Andrew not be into that?

They’re the kind of people who give wilderness rescue personnel grey hair, but for completely opposite reasons

Neil keeps running into them because even though he covers so much ground every day, his meandering route means he doesn’t actually move down the trail very fast

They’ll be like wait weren’t you like a week ahead of us and he’s like oh yeah I heard about this cool waterfall and took a sixty mile side trail to visit it and nearly ran into a momma bear with two cubs, it was awesome

And they all start to grow on him, and each other, almost accidentally

Look none of them are out there romanticizing the trail as some kind of magical place where the problems of the real world disappear and the people are somehow more pure and true or whatever

People are people and they bring their issues wherever they go

But there is a paring down

When your daily concerns are just mileage and shoes and food and weather, a lot of other stuff fades into the background

And well the truth is a lot of people are on those trails to work through stuff

And they find each other

Gradually, without even really noticing

They team up in June, groups of three or four with crampons and ice axes to get over the Sierra’s.

Neil was planning to just do side hikes and wait for the snow to melt—he isn’t so reckless he wants to go over the ice alone, but Kevin insists he join them and for the first time he hikes in a group with Kevin and the cousins all together.

It’s weird

He’s not used to people talking to him when he’s hiking and he frequently doesn’t respond and it’s not because he’s being rude he’s just so focussed on what he’s doing and what’s around him that he literally doesn’t hear them

And then

Nicky slips

It’s not his fault, they did nearly everything right (Kevin may be a pretentious ass, but he does know his shit) but sometimes shit just happens for no reason

And they’re at the edge of the ice sheet so Nicky’s just untying himself from the rope that links them together, he’s not even moving, and the snow beneath him shifts and he doesn’t even have time to scream before he’s hurtling down the snow below the trail towards the cliff at the bottom of the ice sheet

Neil doesn’t even hesitate

He dives after him, ice axe in one hand like a fucking gladiator and gets his arm wrapped around Nicky’s waist

He slams the ice axe into the snow and it drags behind them, and it looks like it’s not going to catch, and the edge is getting closer and closer—

Until the axe catches something, and Nicky and Neil lurch to a halt, clinging to each other, hanging off of Neil’s one arm and the axe.

Neil looks up and sees Andrew, Aaron and Kevin in various places on the slope above them, their axes dug in and long gouge marks in the snow beneath their heels, strung together by a ropeline that’s still attached to Neil’s waist

That rope is probably the only thing that slowed them down enough that Neil could stop them without ripping his arm clean off

It’s hardly a by-the-book rescue, and in fact it was pretty stupid, but they’re okay, they’re okay, that’s all that matters

That night they light a fire down by a lake and Nicky cries on Aaron’s shoulder and Andrew keeps clenching his fists because he’s never felt so helpless in his life and it was Neil that jumped, not him

He knows that he was at the far end of the line and he would’ve made it worse if he had, but doing nothing while Neil risked his life to save Nicky

They don’t really talk about it

But you kind of can’t help being friends after that

And even after they’re out of the high mountains and back on solid trails Neil keeps tabs on them

And Nicky befriends the others and without even meaning to they start to develop a sort of loose trail family vibe

They’re not hiking together all the time like some of the groups they meet, but they check on each other all the time and wait up in resupply villages and bond over firepits and shitty hot chocolate mixes and swap tips on how to keep the butt-chafing at bay

Neil sticks to the outskirts, mostly, but he starts to open up a little, in fits and spurts, tiny non-specific things that wouldn’t even register to most people but that this particular group knows means more than that

He’s slowing down, too, sometimes hiking entire days with people and covering half his usual distance even when there’s no cliffs or glaciers threatening him

He likes hiking with Andrew the most, though

Because neither of them are big talkers when they’re hiking and Andrew’s pack might be absurdly heavy but he’s got legs the size of tree trunks and endurance to match, so he might not be fast but he can outwalk half the people on the trail by sheer relentlessness

They both like to camp up high, near treeline (so Neil can set up his tarp) and in the places that it’s legal they’ll start a small fire and Andrew will loan Neil his pot so he can actually cook his fucking ramen for once and sometimes they’ll watch the Milky Way rise and share secrets under the open sky, not looking at each other so they don’t break the illusion, and sometimes they won’t say anything at all but it’s okay, because they’re saying nothing together.

It’s nice

It’s maybe more than nice

The summer draws to a close and Neil is starting to realize that he doesn’t want it to

He never wants the hiking season to end but this time it’s different

This summer has been perfect

And he knows deep in his bones that once they leave the trail things will change

The others have lives to return to, and Neil…

The trail is all he has

And if he’s barely hiking alone at all these days, well, who’s going to call him out on it?

The others like having him around because he stops them from getting too fixated on the Trail to see the trail

He still takes side trips but now sometimes people will come along and he’ll stand at the base of a canyon staring up at the glossy white walls and Dan will snap a photo for her blog and smile, because the PCT is just a line on a map, but the hike is all of them; together

He’s hiking with Andrew in September when a storm hits, this time vicious

Neil huddles under his tarp in resignation

Storms suck, he always gets wet, no matter how much he lowers the tarp, but he’s used to it; he just waits it out

But it’s just getting worse

Hail lashing at the tarp and pummelling the ground and maybe for once he regrets camping so high up

And Andrew has to shout to be heard but finally Neil realizes he’s offering to let Neil come into his tent

You’re going fucking freeze, just get in here

Neil goes

It’s weird

It’s instantly weird

The tent is not built for two people, so they’re both sitting cross legged with their heads ducked to not press against the roof

The storms probably not going to let up soon, Andrew says

Yeah, Neil says.

Andrew sighs

Lie down, he says, and Neil does, and Andrew lies down next to him, shoulder to shoulder

It barely works, only because neither of them are very big people

Neil’s pack is outside wrapped in his tarp and all he has is his damp down blanket but he’s not cold anymore, not with Andrew bundled up in his ridiculous sleeping bag right next to him

The storm rages for nearly two days and what passes between them in that tent, nobody knows

If they’re barely ever seen apart after it, well. You only see people so often on the trail. It could easily be a coincidence

And if Neil doesn’t even set his tarp up on rainy nights anymore, well. They never camp near other people anyway, so who’s to know?

In early October the snow blows in, blocking the route to the finish.

They drift around a resupply village for almost two weeks, waiting for the trail to reopen, but finally even Kevin accepts that it isn’t going to

After all of that, none of them are going to finish the trail

It’s a disappointment—of course it is. For most of them, the end of their trip is now a nondescript exit into a village, no fanfare, no closure; they didn’t even know they were done for days

Still, it’s not so bad

They’re all together

Allison suggests Vegas, but they all laugh it down; they wouldn’t even know how right now, bearded and hairy and ravenous as they are

They go to South Carolina instead

It’s not really even discussed that they’ll stay together, they just all go; Allison hosts them at her resort and they laugh at the incongruous weirdness of seeing each other in real clothes, and it’s different, but it’s also okay

They stay for another two weeks, and they don’t hike another fucking inch

We should try the Continental Divide Trail sometime, Dan says

Her blog is so popular now that she’s got sponsorships from more than just Wymack waiting for her

She could make a career out of hiking and blogging and doing gear reviews and it’s a dream she’d never even realized she wanted until she had it

And if she accidentally fucked up and ended up with a hot trail boyfriend? Well, nobody’s perfect

And he has a great butt

(she has photos of it on her blog, from when they jumped into a glacier lake naked back in August)

Everyone is jealous

How about that trek in Iceland? Matt suggests

Or the whats-it-called in New Zealand, Allison says

Oh, I bet there’s some good ones in Europe! Nicky says. You guys can all meet Erik!

And it’s going to be different, but it’s not going away, and Neil feels calm in a way he never has at the end of a hiking season before

Eventually everyone has to start making plans to return to their lives, and jobs, and Neil sneaks out to the back of the house to sit in crisp fall air and watch leaves spiral down out of the trees

Andrew follows him

They sit together, watching the moon rise over the hills, and when Andrew asks Neil to come home, Neil says yes

[sanoiro]

Lucifer 5x06 - BluBallz - Spoilers & Speculation

Warning! There is always the possibility that certain scenes might have been mixed up under their non-respective episodes.

Written By: Jen Graham Imada Directed By: Richard Speight Jr.

Jen Graham Imada has written/co-written the episodes:

3x07 - Off The Record

3x15 - High School Poppycock

3x25 - Boo Normal

4x07 - Devil Is as Devil Does

Cast: Tom Ellis as Lucifer, Lauren German as Chloe, DB Woodside as Amenadiel, Lesley-Ann Brandt as Maze, Kevin Alejandro as Dan, Scarlett Estevez as Trixie, Rachael Harris as Linda Martin and Aimee Garcia as Ella.

Season 4 Recurring Characters: None Officially Announced Guest Cast:

Andrew Steven Hernandez...Dax

Alexandra Hoover...Belinda Roberts

Alveraz Ricardez...Raul Blanco

Behind The Scenes Videos:

Locations

LUX

Marina Del Ray (Different scenes day & night)

WB Jungle Backlot & Neighbourhood Area

Precinct

Linda’s House

Penthouse

Imada, as you can tell, knows how to reach us at that point where we believe that everything is up to be resolved and for Deckerstar to begin only to be halted mid-way. What you shouldn’t forget is that in 3x25 - Boo Normal this writer introduced us to Azrael and who knows it might be time for Ray Ray to make an appearance again although that’s an extremely wild speculation so treat it perhaps as a wishful thought than anything else. 

Okay so, the sixth episode of Season 5 is called Bluballz and many may have hinted yet another unsuccessful Deckerstar ‘moment’ yet it is clearly also connected to the case so it is possible to carry a dual meaning. 

First, some had mentioned that it might be a drug and in an episode where a rave happens, it’s true that it would have been a plausible explanation. The other explanation is the crime scene blue led balls. Unfortunately if swallowed they can be toxic but a bts says something about shooting so at the moment no matter of how the title is connected to the episode let’s keep in mind that A) Lucifer & Chloe were not lucky in 5x05 and B) that it’s directly related to the death of this episode’s victim.

As we have several locations to explore I believe for 5x06we need to start from the case and then how the story is progressing through that murder case.

We do know 4 things about the case. 

First, we have the rave at night where the murder happens in the wee hours. 

Second, almost before the sun is up Ella, Lucifer and Chloe are on the scene asking questions. 

^As you can see there is some stiffness in both of their bodies and as we know that Ellis and Lauren can act that in a very good way I would assume that they are keeping their distance or they are perplexed. 

^if you see the video she does not meet and hold his gaze. 

Third, for some reason, LUX is used for a rave party either as a sting operation or most probably because Lucifer decided to step in and help. The other possibility is that the rave at the end happens after the case has been closed but as they were shooting for days and almost 16h per day I would say it most probably be placed in the middle of the episode.

Fourth, the arrest happens back to the Marina Del Ray where everything started so the story of that case comes in a full circle, yet we do not really care about the case itself but how it relates to our main story.

We have to note that in the bts we have Chloe and Lucifer seem a bit distant during their questioning on the murder scene. Chloe is uncomfortable as is Lucifer and Lucifer is almost too afraid to approach her in my opinion while she does not really hold his gaze. Whatever happened in 5x05 didn’t work on the contrary added a slight tension in Deckerstar. Nothing major in my opinion but it is enough for Chloe to need her space and her friends.

^Prencinct scenes in between! 

Now we do know that the questioning also led Chloe and Lucifer (Lucifer had his Vette there) at a house at the WB lot yet what is more interesting for me is that they were close to the Jungle Backlot. It’s where the show “The Cabin” was shot in 4x02 but the vegetation is so good that it can be used for other projects as well. For example, if you go to the tour they will always mention that it was used for Jurassic Park :)

The reason why I’m so interested in the Jungle is because in a bts I saw some props that made me wonder if they were just there because they didn’t have any other space to put them or they mixed shots from the Jungle backlot and the stages. As the camera is turned to that golden object I would be wary and add it in my “They are still searching” speculation. For what you may ask but all I can tell you is that everything is connected. Unfortunately, their quest may turn an unexpected factor to the mix. If my speculation is correct then the “Our Mojo” also involves Charlie.

Now DB has been very excited with these episodes as I have as well mainly because it seems that Amenadiel is back in the very core of the series as he was in S1 while Charlie is growing and with crawling and teething other things come up as well. Perhaps wings, or powers. Perhaps… both.

^Linda’s house shooting Kevin is probably the one on the left side. 

The scene though showed that it involved Amenadiel, Lucifer, Dan, Linda and Maze. Maze, as you may have noticed as a character, has remained quite elusive in the bts and the role it plays in this season but Charlie’s existence might be the key there or perhaps the 5x04 is. We shall see!

Speaking of Charlie we had him in a wonderful lion top and there have been some scenes at Linda’s house. Now while the girls are busy at LUX which we will talk about in a bit, the boys or more specifically Amenadiel and Dan have some scenes together. Perhaps the reason for the bracelet was not Lucifer’s idea but Amenadiel’s and as such you should be prepared on Dan knowing early on that something is off if not the whole truth.

Now one of the photos that make me wonder is the bts with their director and writer where Kevin has a weird doll on how left shoulder. Somehow it seems that time is running out and that makes sense as like with every other midseason finale or season finale the 3rd episode from the end gives us the route the next will follow. It sets the foundations if you like. Think of 1x11, 2x11, 2x16 or 3x08 & 3x22… The same happens in 4x08. There is always a chain of events that lead to the end and 5x06 will be no different.

We do know we have some Penthouse scenes due to Rafferty and Graham but the content of these is a bit unclear. During a tour the couch was a bit roughed up with the cushions displaced and all that but we simply have no idea why or what will happen there. Also the book we saw in 5x03 during the Clarkson interview it’s still there on the coffee table so I would once again place my money on that one.

^ I bet you didn't know that we have a new closet as it seems or even a bathroom as this may be either a towel hunger and to the left the shower curtain or an outfit hanger. I would bet on the bathroom set as for a hanger it seems a bit tall. ;) So... a shower scene is coming our way? Who knows... 

Edit: I was thinking about this and I now believe it’s an outfit valet it’s just that the wall is drilled on is also a hidden door to the penthouse set... 

Moving on we get to what caught our eye on this episode the Ladies Night Out. It’s the third time we see them getting together and this time they are determined to have fun. The theme seems to be dress as crazy as you can something that is supported by Maze’s choice who perhaps consider Ella a lunatic so she decides to dress like her… I do wonder if they they just went and took everything from Ella’s closet to be honest… Although the net stocking might have been too much for Ella so no idea.

Yet what would drive Chloe and the girls to go out? I expect that Linda needs a break from motherhood even for one night while Maze explores another side of her. As many may suspect I suppose she is growing a soul there somewhere so keep an eye on her. Now Ella was always quirky if you remember the wigs in S3 so do not see anything wrong there but why Chloe?

Episode 5x05 must have left Chloe with a lot to think about herself. Whether she finds out about her miracle status or not she seems to be in her own path of self awareness and as we have seen the only time she takes rush decisions of that kind is because of Lucifer. So whatever happened in 5x05 as been interrupted but I do expect that by the end of 5x06 she will have reached a decision once again but the timing will not be perfect in 5x07 as more problems arise.

I should also mention that the setting of this episode does suggest that whatever Amenadiel, Lucifer and Kevin are up to is probably not known by Chloe and possibly by the rest of the leads aside perhaps Maze and even that is a big if. The reason of perhaps excluding Maze is because of a tangible connection that may aid or disrupt their plans yet that’s once again a speculation, yes based on actual spoilers but still a speculation on how an act will affect the rest of that plot. It is also why I connect in this episode Amenadiel with the Jungle set as well as with that set prop.

And finishing 5x06 it is funny as by the end of it a new set of problems will have begun and that includes of course a new threat. One supernatural in nature and the other as mundane as Earth killers come.

^Last but not least up to 5x06 the Hell set was still standing so they have plans for it... For which episode we simply do not know but always keep it as a Joker card and you never know in which round it will drop... 

^I do love Rafferty! 

[griffinequestrian]

Heels Down Mag: Should Protective Vests Be Required In Show Jumping?

By Justine Griffin for Heels Down Mag

Over the weekend, a client of Jet Show Stables in Florida got bucked off their horse.

The rider, who is also a close friend of Jimmy and Danielle Torano who have long run the farm, suffered serious injuries. She broke her collar bone, shoulder blade and four vertebrae. She suffered a collapsed lung and broken hip. All from just being bucked off.

“It hit me like a ton of bricks,” said Danielle, an amateur-owner hunter/jumper rider. “It’s a risk we take every time we get on, but I think it would be a totally different story if she had a vest on. I really do.”

Danielle is advocating for more hunter and jumper riders in the U.S. to wear protective vests while riding and showing. She thinks the vests – more commonly used by eveners on cross-country – should even be mandatory.

“If it can help protect us even a little bit, then why aren’t we doing this?” she said.

Protective riding vests are a rarity among grand prix show jumping riders, but they’ve popped up at national horse shows in recent years. Sandy Ferrell wore a protective vest over her show coat in the 3’9″ green hunter championship at the 2017 Devon Horse Show. Grand prix show jumper Andrew Welles has shown while wearing an air vest.

“We won’t even jump a pole on the ground without them on now, even at home,” said Alexandra Welles, an amateur show jumper and Andrew’s wife.

Air vests, made by companies like Hit-Air, Point Two, among others, are designed to “deploy”, or fill with air, when a rider is ejected from the saddle to soften the blow of impact with the ground.

“We ride these enormous animals over huge jumps with no protection other than the hat on our heads,” Danielle explained. “It’s ridiculous and it’s dangerous.”

Safety vests have been used in equestrian sport for 35 years, but the research behind their effectiveness is still slim. For the newer air vests, it’s even thinner. There just isn’t a wide body of conclusive data yet.

But even knowing that, Danielle still thinks something is better than nothing.

“Even if there’s a 10 percent chance wearing it will help in some way, why wouldn’t we do it?”

Danielle posted on her personal Facebook page about the need to advocate for vest use among hunter and jumper riders after her client’s fall. While she said she received mostly support from her friends in the horse industry, there were a few naysayers.

“One person said, ‘oh I’d never wear that’,” Danielle described. “My husband and I have been in the business a long time. We remember when there was pushback on helmets. Change can be hard, but we’ve been on the other side of it, of not wanting change, and see how important change for safety really is.”

Danielle said her husband, grand prix show jumper and trainer Jimmy Torano, is also a big believer in the tradition of the sport. She said the formality of “tradition” is the likely the largest barrier to getting riders to invest in wearing vests.

“My husband is one of the biggest proponents of tradition and the look of it,” Danielle confessed. “He’s the type who wants me to still wear my jacket when when the show waives them. I think it’s silly. But I can see people not wanting to wear vests because of the way it looks.”

But even Jimmy, she says, is turning the corner.

“It has to slap you in the face. I really believe that,” Danielle described.

At Jet Show Stables, clients will be asked to wear the vests going forward, Danielle said. Same with their 10-year-old son, who rides in the pony hunters.

“He’s afraid he’s going to look silly, and that no one else is going to be wearing one,” she said. But he’s still wearing it.

Danielle said she plans to make the case for making vests mandatory with organizations like USEF and USHJA. She isn’t the only one, Diana Babington, a rider and the wife of Irish show jumper Kevin Babington who was paralyzed in a fall at the Hampton Classic last year, is also advocating for the change.

“There is this part of the sport where everyone feels they must look a certain way,” Danielle said. “But it’s time to evolve. The more people get behind it, the more it will become like wearing a helmet – you won’t think twice about it.”

[doodlingstuff]

Heaven Doesn’t Want Me

What if Mary had escaped alone? What if Nathaniel had grown up in Baltimore but not to become Raven!Neil nor Butcher!Neil?

What if Neil Alex Stephan Chris had met Erik during his time on Germany?

What if there was no "this" between Andrew and Neil until Baltimore?

A slight bamf!Neil, sort of soft Andrew, Renee's POV, lots of angst, hurt, blood, pain, and feelings brought to life after diving into the unsolved asks from @aftgficrec.

Read the whole thing in AO3 or stay here for the first part of the series.

Hope you like it :)

Chapter 1: Year Zero

How can your absence leave no trace? As I let you sink in Baltimore bay.

“Move” The savage pull at his hair jolted Nathaniel awake.  

Mary shoved him out of bed and hurried him to put his shoes on. Since Nathaniel could remember, they slept on their clothes, ready to race out from the house of Baltimore any moment, as it seemed they were doing then.  

Every single muscle in Nathaniel’s body screamed in pain. He had spent the whole day traveling to the biggest and darkest Exy court he had ever seen. He had played a brutal never-ending match against two older kids –Kevin and Riko- and after a violent scolding from his father, they had come back to the house.  

Nathaniel was definitely against waking up in the middle of the night to follow his mother. But he knew better than to protest, so he made his best to keep the fast pace Mary had while tiptoeing through the house.  

At some point, Mary put Nathaniel before her and kept scurrying through dark aisles until they reached the door leading to the Butcher's torture room. Nathaniel flinched away and crashed with his mother’s body. There must be a mistake. Except Mary was turning the knob to open the door.  

“Whatever happens. You never stop running and you never play  Exy again. Do you understand?”  

Of course, Nathaniel didn’t understand. He nodded anyway. Mary approved the nod and pushed  Nathaniel into the room.  

Fear crept from the tips of Nathaniel’s toes to the base of his neck like tiny spiders covering him completely. Of all the rooms in the house, that was the one he hated the most. Why would his mother take him there? Not even Mary punished him in that place. What has he done?  

“Hurry.”  

The windowless room was pitch dark. Nathaniel couldn’t even see the silver reflection from his father’s knives. The goosebumps along his arms only grew more. Nathaniel was afraid of tripping over, but at ten years old, he already knew that room like the back of his hand, just as Mary did. They advanced in total darkness.  

Mother and son were only a few feet away from the exit.  

Nathaniel felt the heat of a body even before he heard the voice.  

“The kid stays.”  

A single light was turned on from the back to let Nathaniel and Mary see the gleam of Patrick  DiMaccio’s smile while he played casually with a big chef knife. 

In a second, Nathaniel was behind Mary. That wasn’t any better though. Lola and Romero Malcolm were at the entrance he had crossed with his mother moments ago. Too many knives. Nathaniel felt her mother shiver beside him as she passed an arm around his tiny body and pointed with a gun at the guys surrounding them.  

“You don’t want to shoot that, Mary. What will the neighbors say?”  

At the sight of his father, Nathaniel was trembling too. Why were all of them there? Why his mother was running now that he was finally allowed by his father to play Exy?  

He didn’t know what was his mistake now. He had played as best as he could against the other kids. He had stayed quiet during the trip. He had obeyed. He hadn’t done anything his father hadn’t allowed or ordered first. The memory of a hot iron on his arm was still too fresh to attempt any defiance against Nathan. 

His arm started prickling for no reason. The burn had healed long ago.  

But fear.  

Fear was spreading desperately through his whole body like a fatal decease while Mary’s grip on the gun was starting to fail. Nathaniel was going to be sick soon. He knew what would happen if his stomach rebelled now, so he tried to breathe deeply enough to make the taste of bile go back down.  

It was useless as Nathan approached them.  

“I’m taking him away. You have no right to-” A fierce slap shut up Mary’s complaints.  

“He is   my   son too, and I will do as I please.”  

Mary spat blood directly to the Butcher’s shirt. “ You  won’t.”  

The next moments were a blur of movement, noise, and terror.  

Gunshots resonated in the small room like cannonballs shot on the open sea. All of the Butcher’s men launched towards them. In a split second, Nathaniel ducked and ran in search of a hiding spot among Nathan’s multiple torture instruments. There wasn’t much place to hide. There was no way to become invisible.  

“Nathaniel, RUN!” His mother’s voice commanded from somewhere inside the tangle of limbs and knives.  

So, they were running away.  

It was easy for Nathaniel to know inside a court which way the players and the ball were going, and beat them all to deflect the shoot before it reached the goal. Making the same in a small room full of grownups fighting with weapons that Nathaniel knew firsthand what could cause him, was an entirely different mission.  

There was no time to think further about it. One of the Malcolm siblings had spotted Nathaniel and was going directly for him. The boy used his small size to his advantage and scurried away, attempting to reach the trap door leading outside. His mother was making her best to keep the way free for him.  

With trembling hands, Nathaniel was picking the lock of the door. Romero was closer. Something hit the man in the head and made him lunge at Mary. The short breathing room was enough to allow Nathaniel to open the door.  

In a blink, Mary was by his side, grabbed his hand, and got out.  

Nathaniel fell on his face as his hand slipped from his mother’s. There was something hot hot hot burning his legs, his back. Someone was pinning his ankles against the floor, and the door to freedom was shut.  

“ABRAM! ABRAM!”  

There was only a door breaking Nathaniel apart from his mother, but he couldn’t reach it.     

Chapter 2: Year One

What are the words that I'm supposed to say? [...] Through the silence of fireflies

A year had passed since Mary escaped from Baltimore.

A year full of pain, and blood, and screams for Nathaniel.

He was only eleven, but his voice was nearly gone and his eyes carried the infinite hollowness of twelve months being punished endlessly for his mother’s rebellion.  

Now, Nathaniel was having the most wicked kind of déjà vu, traveling along with his father to the same dark stadium he had played last time he saw his mother.

A sudden sliver of something resembling joy attempted to surge inside of Nathaniel. Then, he remembered what Mary had told him before everything went sideways.  

Never stop running, never play    Exy    again.  

The second order had been easy to fulfill; Nathaniel had spent most of his time crying in the torture room he seemed to never get out from. It wasn’t like playing Exy at all. Perhaps for his father and Lola, it brought the same happiness Nathaniel had once felt while holding a racquet in his hands, but there had been definitely not Exy at all.        

As for the first order, it had been impossible to deliver. With two bullets in each leg and another couple on his back, Nathaniel couldn’t have run, even if he tried. Also, he had always one of the Butcher’s men on his heels, whereas it was at the house, or following him at school, making sure he stayed put. As if Nathaniel could run with infected wounds piercing his body. It was hard enough to assure the teachers he was fine.

Today, Nathaniel was expected to play a rematch with Kevin and Riko. He still didn’t understand how. He had a full collection of fresh and old wounds covering him from head to toe. The Butcher’s rage hadn’t had a limit in that year, and their men’s savagery made sure nothing healed properly. But Nathan had been clear: play well or die.

Die  would’ve been Nathaniel’s first option if he only didn’t know how slow and painful it would be. It was that or disobeying his mother’s last command. The last thing she told him before   leaving .  

Nathaniel had never felt so alone.

***

The match against Riko and Kevin was even harder than the last. They were bigger, stronger, faster, and they didn’t seem to have been used as punching bags and knife testers for the past months. It was awful.

The old man’s-they called him Master-cane on Nathaniel’s ribs wasn’t of any help either. Each and every time that Nathaniel fell, unable to keep going with his legs burning after so much time without exercise, the so-called Master would smash Nathaniel to the floor only to force him up and repeat the play again.  

Kevin’s face was shadowed by something like understanding, or petty. Riko was delighted with the show. Nathaniel was only begging for it to end. Go back to Baltimore’s torture. Be finished right there. Whatever. He just wanted it to be over.  

He only kept moving by the wonder of what his mother would be doing at that moment. If she was still alive. If she thought of him. If she would ever come back...

“Are you having fun making me look like a fool, Junior?”

Nathan’s venomous hiss brought Nathaniel back from his mind. They weren’t on the court anymore, but everything was still painted raven black. Nathaniel was pinned against a wall. Air escaping his lungs. He wanted so desperately to hung onto his father’s hands to release the pressure on his throat. He knew what would happen. Last time he almost lost a hand. He held on as best as he could.

“Look at me you useless scumbag. Are you having fun with it?”

“No.” The answer was more like the shape of his lips rather than a sound. He was choking. The little voice left was leaving him for good. Nathaniel already felt the blessing of passing out around the corner. However, he needed to stay awake. Losing consciousness only made it worse in the end. Instead, he focused on the exits around. A habit picked after twelve months wishing so hard he was somewhere else.

“I have failed them twice because of you. Tomorrow will be your last chance. Do you remember that man we taught a lesson to the last time we were here?” Nathaniel nodded as best as he could with the strong hand strangling him. “That will be you tomorrow if you don’t play like you mean it, hear me, Junior?”

Nathan didn’t wait for an answer. He only dropped Nathaniel to the floor and left after kicking him hard in the belly.  

Nathaniel had run out of tears a long ago. He let darkness swallow him in that same spot.

***

Maybe it was late at night. Maybe it was dawn. No one had come to fetch Nathaniel for the next scrimmage on the court.  

He had been thinking about his mother.  

She never wanted him there. He still couldn’t understand why. No one spoke to him. But he was certain that his mother would have her reasons to be so afraid that an escape and a battle against the Butcher’s men had been worth it. Nathaniel was certain they had haunted and ended her that same night. Regardless, there was some stubborn hope that she would come back. But she wouldn’t find him while he was in that black palace.

Nathaniel had thought he couldn’t run anymore. Today had been proof he was only out of practice. He was tired of being afraid. He didn’t want to feel the old man’s cane on his ribs for the rest of his life, or the Burcher’s knives on his skin anymore for that matter.  

He was leaving.

The Butcher had taken the few belongings they brought with him. Nathaniel only had what he was wearing, his bruises, and his willingness to be free. Almost like his mother had.  

Despite the agony bolting through his battered body, Nathaniel managed to stand up from the corner where Nathan had threatened him and reached for the exit. Of course, the door was locked. He hoped the pieces of hard string he picked from his lent racquet would be as effective as the hairpins his mother taught him to use.  

After minutes of struggle, they were.

The red lights of the hallway were disconcerting. Nathaniel was dizzy within only a few steps. The promise of a slow death made him advance. The fury of another hit from a cane fueled his steps. The fear of being used as an object when he could’ve been free beside his mother made his tired feet found the ground beneath to make him run until the exit.

The building was a complicated maze Nathaniel hadn’t understood, but he remembered the way he had come with his father. He retraced the path backward until he could reach the final door.  

The door to freedom.  

This time, no DiMaccio was covering it. There was no Lola or Romero on his heels.  

He pushed the door open and ran for his life. 

Chapter 3: Year Two

For all the things I try to hide? What is my fate, am I supposed to pray?

 As if the handcuffs securing Nathaniel’s hands on the back of the seat and his ankles to the front weren’t enough, Nathan had taken along the Malcolm siblings to watch from behind.  

 The Butcher was not repeating last year’s mistakes.  

 Six months had passed since the last time they went to Evermore and the memory was burning fresh for both  Wesninskis. Especially for Nathaniel.  

 It was either a miracle or a tragic disgrace that the boy was still alive and kicking. But there he was.

Never stop running, never play Exy again.    

 Although the pain had only increased as months went by, Nathaniel had tried his very best to outrun the Butcher and his men over and over. Consequences were always fatal, yet never mortal. Nathaniel discovered there was some kind of business going on between his father and the people behind the  Exy   team he wanted Nathaniel to get in.  

 That business going on was Nathan’s only reason for keeping Nathaniel alive, and denying his father the pleasure of an easy undertaking was the only reason keeping Nathaniel sane. Or as sane as anyone could be living under the  conditions   he had endured the past years. His body had become a patchwork of scars, but he was more convinced than ever that he wasn’t going to turn into his father. Not even with that terrible smirk mocking Lola through the rear-view mirror as she entertained herself making tiny cuts in Nathaniel’s hands.  

 By the time they arrived at the stadium, Nathaniel had already memorized the way in and was paying close attention to every single door in and out despite the stung in his arms and hands. He had gotten used to living with pain, so this wasn’t any harder than a normal day in Baltimore.  

 The court was exactly as Nathaniel remembered. There was only a new addition. A boy around Riko’s age with a 3 marked on the cheek, matching the numbers on the other kids’ faces. Nathaniel didn’t bother learning his name but was sure Riko and his uncle would be dying to put a number on him too.  

 That wasn’t going to happen.  

 Without any ceremonies, the match started. It was three against one. It was unfair.  

 It wasn’t going to happen either.  

 As much as Nathaniel's hands still itched for having a racquet and slam a ball across a court, he had more than enough time to know that his mother had some reason behind her words. And he intended to honor them today. The match started and he didn’t move.  

 The old man’s cane hit hard over and over his ribs, his legs, his arms, his face. Nothing he hadn’t endured before. He received hit after hit after hit without moving, without reaching for his racquet. Without a scream.  

 He felt every single attack while holding Kevin’s astonished gaze, Riko’s mocking laughter, and the other kid’s pure fear. Nathaniel didn’t move until his body went limp on the floor and everything turned black.  

 ***  

 The year before, Nathaniel’s mistake had been running without a plan.  

 He had a purpose, he had a goal, but he had no way to accomplish it with only a few scraps of strings to open doors.  

 Nathaniel had been able to escape out of pure luck, but once outside, he didn’t know the surroundings. He didn’t know where to go. It had been only a matter of time for Nathan to find him and drag him back in the car, and then back to Baltimore in between  cursings   and hits that made Nathaniel think it was a good idea to jump out of the moving car in the middle of the highway. It was      painful    .  

 This time, Nathaniel had found enough time in between punishments and the butchering  lessons   he despised, to research the place.  

 He knew the campus of Edgar Allan University like he knew the feel of knives on his skin. So, when he woke up from the beating, he was ready for everything.  

 Nathaniel had been tucked in the same rooms as the boys. They seemed asleep. It was harder than he thought to get on his feet in silence. He crept to the door and took out a couple hairpins from his mother that he had found casually around the house months ago. He wasn’t using racquet strings unless it was necessary.  

 “Where do you think you are going?” Riko was standing behind Nathaniel. Hands clenched in fists ready for a fight.  

 “Far from your ugly face.” Kevin and the other boy flinched at Nathaniel’s bravado.  

 “You  mustn't   talk like that to your king.”  

 “Didn’t know shit was royalty now. I’ll bow next time I go to the loo.”  

 The knock against the wall was harder than Nathaniel expected. It still wasn’t enough to erase his father’s deathly smile from his face. Riko was boiling in anger. Nathaniel waited until the last second to avoid the  fist   coming his way and pushed Riko against the railing of a bed.  

 The other boys were frozen at Nathaniel’s display of disrespect.  

 He wasn’t a good fighter. He was used to be the victim among adults, but he had a rage building from the years since his mother left him and he was convinced of running away this time. Even so that he had a knife hidden on the back of his pants despite how much he hated them.  

 Riko recovered quickly from the impact, but Nathaniel didn’t hesitate to slash whatever he could reach of the older boy, and a breath after he heard a heavy string of cursing directed to him, Nathaniel sped through the hallway on his way out. He dodged people attempting to grab him. He had become fast during his last six months trying to escape. He used the stolen knife more than he would’ve wanted, but it was that or being back to Baltimore in pieces.  

 Once outside the Nest, Nathaniel didn’t reach for the highway. Instead, he kept racing through the Edgar Allan campus. It was gigantic. Filled with students coming and going from classes. They glanced strangely at him as he made his way through hallways and  buildings   he had only half-memorized through battered maps found at school and his father’s study.  

 It could’ve been a good fifteen minutes of running without a stop when Nathaniel finally found a public phone hidden enough from the stream of people. He took the few pennies he could get in those months and dialed the only phone number he knew by heart.  

 “Uncle Stuart? I need help.”  

All comments, thoughts, hearts and shares are very much appreciated :D

[fallingin-like]

november 20

back to the start by @fuzzballsheltiepants​ [requested by @nikothespoonklepto]

see which other fics i’m reviewing this month! / my review request post!

containing an injured!andrew who loses all of his recent memories, this fic is has heartbreak and healing. this fic has great pacing and flow, you don’t even notice that you’ve read 30k words until you’re done.

this is an absolutely amazing fic. you did such a great job writing the characters in a way that was in depth and stays really true to them. it was funny, serious, angsty, and fluffy in a way that tied everything together and made it really easy to read. i loved having the opportunity to see andrew fall in love with neil again and see neil really fight to protect andrew.

parts that i especially liked:

”andrew and neil had watched kevin’s interview the night before on exy night in america from andrew’s apartment. neil had spent the ten minutes grinning at kevin’s well-practiced persona while andrew drily commented what they both knew kevin was really thinking” this is so cute! there’s really nothing that brings people together more than making fun of kevin

EXCUSE ME HOW DARE YOU INJURE ANDREW IN THAT WAY

andrew waking up so disoriented and confused and afraid is so heartbreaking. to be brought back to that terrible night, surrounded by strangers, in so much pain. i really cannot handle it, he’s already suffered so much in his life ;-;

ohmygoodness andrew sort of recognizing kevin? is this based on andrew having seen kevin before the club incident or because he’s actually recognizing kevin?

”’did they kill him?’ he asked dully.” ahhh i can feel andrew closing himself off, resigning himself for bad news

”he didn’t know why he was talking, he was revealing too much, he needed to stop but not as  much as he needed to know” i hate seeing andrew so distressed, to the point where he can’t contain himself

”he almost laughed, it was such a ridiculous idea that andrew’s perfect memory could be compromised, but dr. kupra’s face was serious.” oh no, what a terrible and ironic injury, for andrew to lose the memories that he likely actually wanted to keep

what in the world kevin, why would you not call nicky to get him to talk to andrew??

”that voice… it tickled something in his chest” AHH even without his memories, something within andrew recognizes neil, so soft

”and you need to understand that you can’t just start touching him when  he’s asleep” it’s so comforting to know that neil is around to protect andrew while he is extremely vulnerable.

it’s really not surprising that andrew has a panic attack, to learn that you’ve lost seven years of your life? i can’t even imagine how upsetting and scary it would be

ah yes, of course neil forgets to charge his phone

”like i’m worth something, like i matter” oh no i totally forgot that since andrew is back to his 17 year old self it means his mental health is probably a lot worse. oh my goodness 17 is so young! 

”it’s amazing how many words they can say to avoid telling you they don’t know” oh my goodness neil

ANDREW REMEMBERS SOME THINGS, I HAVE HOPE. and it seems like now neil does too!

to hear that they’ve had conversations with andrew that he can’t remember, that they’ve explained the situation to him multiple times already, it sounds hard for anyone, but andrew who is used to his eidetic memory? oof

”this felt more like he had read it in a book, like if he turned the page he would already know what was on the next one, but he couldn’t manage to turn the page. and the next page was important, of that he was sure” wow this description is so so good.

OH NO ANDREW THINKING NEIL AND KEVIN ARE TOGETHER and then “it didn’t seem such an unreasonable question to andrew… the alternative didn’t make sense. the alternative was impossible” ahhh this is so painful, at least neil is not around to hear this.

”that didn’t really surprise neil; he had suspected that andrew had been interested in kevin at some point” ooo i like this

neil talking to andrew’s coach oh my goodness he really can’t help himself. but also it’s his way of caring too, protecting andrew from everyone

ahh i love andrew falling for neil again. “aggression of an eight-pound terrier” THIS IS SO TRUE. picking fights, but too small to actually fight them

”neil was reading on his phone and andrew watched him through his lashes until he couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore” this is so so sweet, i love being able to see things from andrew’s perspective, he hides so much from the outside that i am always interested in what he’s thinking

”he wouldn’t be the first who thought andrew could be ‘healed,’ whatever that meant.” the thing i like about their relationship is that i think that neil doesn’t think andrew ‘could be healed’. i think neil thinks that andrew doesn’t need healing. that bad things happened to andrew and yes, these things changed him, they shaped him to be the person he is now, but they don’t mean he is broken. uhh i don’t know how to say the words i am thinking. BASICALLY, NEIL DOESN’T THINK ANDREW NEEDS TO CHANGE. HE LIKES (LOVES) HIM AS HE IS

”... but he could still taste his old grief and guilt and fury” ANDREW FEELING GUILT SO MUCH GROWTH

”nicky had been there; he could call nicky, and find out what - who - had broken neil so badly” ahhhhhh i love this!!!

ohmygoodness, all the things that neil is remembering. i love it so much

ugh i want neil to go off on all the people trying to pin down andrew, but at the same time, i guess they had a somewhat reasonable reason for doing what did. BUT STILL THEY SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER. andrew has been through so much!!!!

i love these moments of andrew finding out what happened to neil. we get to see his genuine reactions, even what he’s feeling, not just what he’s emoting (which i’m sure is not much). it’s a little different, because although he still feels this emotional connection to neil, he doesn’t understand why, but his reactions are so pure and unfiltered. i love it

”it’s who i am, it’s not something i can forget” I LOVE THIS LINE and i love love love nicky’s reaction. 

ugh, neil fighting to protect andrew is just *clenches fist* so good

okay i love neil, but woah. when he thinks of how lucky he is to have andrew and the first thing that comes up is andREW BREAKING RIKO’S ARM. LOL what a legend

ohmygoodness i forgot that neil is still in school. i really cannot believe that he is able to balance everything, like it’s just so wild to me.

i’m so glad that neil has matt. he has andrew yes, but matt is just a good friend, something that neil has never really had. someone that is openly affectionate and talkative enough to balance neil’s anti-social personality. someone he can go through during these tough times when andrew is not around

NEIL JOSTEN CERTIFIED HOTTIE HAHAH

oh, hearing andrew’s perspective of millport is so good, so interesting

ANDREW ASKING WHICH SCARS ARE FROM HIM ACTUALLY BREAKS MY HEART. nonononono

NEIL ROASTING THE REPORTER IS WHAT I LIVE FOR. but also i’m pretty mad that this guy was able to get into the hospital and approach neil like this. people are so rude and have no sense of privacy somethings UGH

”neil was a trouble magnet. andrew didn’t remember too many specifics, but he knew it with a bone deep certainty” hah

oh, the way that you wrote andrew regaining his memories about riko and drake and maybe easthaven. it’s so impactful seeing it from neil’s perspective. “he watched as that bomb hit, the slow motion ripple effect it had as memories resurface and deductions were made.” your descriptions are so good

the contrast between the texts from the foxes and neil trying to deal with andrew remembering is amazing

it’s so interesting to me the way that the sense of distance between neil and andrew are for different reasons. neil is being so careful not to cross andrew’s boundaries because he doesn’t know what andrew’s okay with, etc. and andrew is still learning about the relationship that he previously shared with neil and doesn’t know where they were at with that, doesn’t know what past him did

oo i love twinyard moments, the bonding. “i didn’t forget you” AHHH i like that they’re so civil now, aaron is probably less stressed (now that he’s not trying to balance school, exy, and the MAFIA) and has matured, he doesn’t repress as much of his emotions maybe. he cares about andrew and both lets himself care about him and allows himself to show it, even if it’s in small ways

so much growth/development to see that neil turns to betsy and actually calls her!! she knows so much about their history, i’d be interested in what kind of relationship neil had with her after their first year

”didn’t know how to tell him that he remembered other things - remembered bits and pieces of meals and drives and games and shared cigarettes on the roof, the weight of neil’s mouth on his own and the feel of his skin, the sound of his hitches of breath. because none of that felt real” THIS IS SO GOOD BUT ALSO HURTS. NEIL IS A PIPE DREAM BUT ANDREW DOESN’T KNOW THAT HE’S ALSO A REALITY TOO

”then neil came out of the bathroom and andrew decided maybe he didn’t hate the girlfriend after all. not if she’d picked out those clothes.” ohmygoodness andrew

”four years. four years since andrew had been nearly torn apart by terror. four years since he had felt that anguished need that seemed so fresh in his memory. and yet neil was still here” THIS IS SO GOOD AHHH

EXCUSE ME HOW DARE YOU BREAK MY HEART LIKE THAT BY SAYING NEIL CAN’T HELP DECIDE WHAT HAPPENS TO NEIL ALSO “everyone but andrew, whose glam intensified” WHAT DOES THIS MEAN AND THEN NEIL SAYING “do you think if andrew cared he wouldn’t let them kick me out in the first place?” AHHHH

oh okay you have redeemed yourself by having aaron and andrew BOTH agree with neil. “look, i might have head trauma but i’m not an idiot” LOL

”andrew wasn’t sure why his stomach clenched, why his fingers dug into the blanket” HHHH HURTS

AARON YELLING WRONG MINYARD YES

oh! so cute to have bonding between andrew, neil, katelyn, and aaron!!

oHH no i forgot that people might hold andrew’s sexuality against him and that makes me so mad

”aaron said mildly ‘out of all the men in this world, why did you have to end up with one who’s too stupid to feed himself?’” LOL

”it would only be a week tomorrow, but it felt like he had always been here, that the rest of his life had been something he’d seen in a movie or read in a book. like this was the only part that was real” oh oh oh. this is so sad, but also it makes so much sense. “it was always like that, though” OH. this, and the rest of the paragraph is so interesting. i love the way that you explain it. and the end of this chapter is so good. it really sets us up for the last chapter and leaves me aching for resolution. for andrew to realise he can and does have this. that it’s real and won’t be taken away from him

i’m a little bit confused about the whole discussion about sexuality and mental illness. why did katelyn misunderstand and what was she thinking? i think i’m just missing something here LOL

”the way andrew hesitated before he nodded meant no, but neil wasn’t going to push him” ugh it’s so good to know that neil can read andrew so well, can tell what he’s not saying, but knows when to push and when to back off.

NO SELF-CONSCIOUS NEIL IS SO SAD

”aaron refusing to sign anything, turning it all over to andrew and neil” aaron is such a complicated character, we don’t get to see him fully explored in the books and i love the way that you used this fic as an opportunity to do so. he cares, but in his own way. even though they have disagreements, at the end of the day, he wants what is best for andrew and i really liked how you portrayed him and throughout this fic.

WHY IS ANDREW SINGING WITHOUT KNOWING

ANDREW KISSING NEIL AND THEN GIVING THE PAPARAZZI THE MIDDLE FINGER IS THE BEST THING

i love that you have parts of this fic from andrew’s perspective. it’s so so interesting to see his honest reactions to memories and people and to experience his introspection. and it’s not super obvious, but i love that with perspective shifts, we also see your writing style adjust to reflect that. you handled this whole fic so well, there was a great balance between humour, softness, and angst that made me really enjoy reading this. 

you did such a good job with the characterization, it was so wonderful seeing andrew rebuild his relationships and fall for neil again, the interactions between everyone (including your OCs). i appreciate that, although andrew and neil have kind of re-established their relationship (they both know that they like each other and are comfortable with each other), there’s still some sort of distance. things are still a little bit off and they still have work to do to continue to learn each other. it keeps things realistic and, for some reason, brings me closure. this is such a significant event for both of them and things are different because of that and i’m glad you didn’t ignore that aspect of it. this was just such a wonderful fic, thank you so much for writing it!!

[mittensmorgul]

9.09, Holy Terror.

Remember, folks. Writers lie.

But Metatron slips back into the story like the proverbial serpent. I mean, that's literally the metaphor that applies, considering he's the one who finally unmasks Gadreel for us-the-audience, despite Dean still being in the dark. But there's far more manipulation going on in this episode...

As Gadreel tightens the screws on Dean, Metatron applies the exact right pressure to Gadreel. It's figworms within figworms, one after the other rotting the apple from the inside out, and everything is about to collapse.

Remember in the 9.06-9.07 post, I described the process through which Dean's lies and half-truths gradually came to light until they were completely out in the open? Well, that's beginning in earnest with his current round of increasingly unsustainable lies, and we begin to really see the toll it's all taking on Dean.

(also need to note one of the angels killed in the opening scene, his vessel was named "Red Dawg," in a season where Dean has both been referred to by the nickname "D-Dog," and also became an actual dog for an episode already... the MoC/demon Dean foreshadowing was pervasive in this season)

We've already seen Sam begin to crack under the weight of it all at the end of 9.08, but now both Dean and Cas will feel that burden, too...

Dean pushes Gadreel for an honest answer about Sam's recovery, pressuring him for a better answer, while Gadreel expresses his concern over working a case that potentially involves angels, but also leaving the entire burden of perpetuating the deception on Dean himself. And he's not doing well with that burden, and Sam's losing faith in himself and trust in Dean's increasingly shady answers...

SAM (getting agitated) No, it's more than Vesta! I mean, this kind of thing's been happening to me. Like, like, there are chunks of time just … missing. Like there are times when I'm... not here. DEAN Well, like I've said— SAM Yes, the trials. I know. I heard you. I heard you when you said it the last week and the week before that and the week before that. DEAN Yeah, because ... damn straight the trials. They whacked you, man. You're not up to warp speed yet, okay? But you will be.  (Smiles at SAM.)  Would I lie?

and

Blue light flashes in SAM’s eyes; EZEKIEL-IN-SAM is back. DEAN (knowing he's about to get more grief from EZEKIEL-IN-SAM) Oh, boy. EZEKIEL-in-SAM Well? What are you going to do about this? DEAN About Cas? EZEKIEL-in-SAM He is a beacon, Dean, pulling every angel for miles down on our heads. DEAN All right, you know what, Zeke? Level with me. What is it that you're so afraid of? EZEKIEL-IN-SAM I told you. When I chose to answer your prayers and heal Sam, I chose sides. That means I'm not in good standing with certain angels. DEAN Okay, well, you know what? Cas isn't in good standing with any angel, all right? But here he is, ass on the line, fighting the fight. So tell me, what makes you so special?

But Dean breaks down again and begins to strategically confess to Cas, still leaving out crucial pieces of information, but giving him enough that Cas does eventually begin to understand the gravity of Dean's situation:

CASTIEL (clears throat) I, um, I noticed you look... kind of uncomfortable whenever Sam mentions my leaving. Doesn't he know that you told me to leave? DEAN Here's the deal. When Sam was doing the trials to seal up Hell, it messed him up. Okay? The third one nearly killed him. If I'd let him finish, it would have. He's still messed up, bad. CASTIEL You said the angel, Ezekiel, helped heal him. DEAN (looks down, avoiding the question) Look, I got to do anything I can to get him back. Now, if that means that we keep our distance from you for a little while, then... Then I don't have a choice. I don't feel good about it, but I don't have a choice. It's great to have your help, Cas. Okay, but we just can't work together. CAS looks sad.

Bolding mine. I DON'T HAVE A CHOICE. I DON'T FEEL GOOD ABOUT IT, BUT I DON'T HAVE A CHOICE.

Cas, being Not A Moron™ now understands that everything that's happened since the angels fell, since Dean went to extraordinary measures to save Sam with "Ezekiel's" help, has put Dean in this impossible position. He might not know the true extent of it, but at the end of the episode when he calls Dean to warn him that "Ezekiel" is not who he's pretending to be, he knows that Dean absolutely NEEDS this information... which he could only have known if he understood that Dean had made some sort of as-yet-still-secret-by-necessity-of-Sam-continuing-to-be-not-dead pact with Fake Ezekiel...

And then, a truly horrible twist of circumstance as Cas searches for answers and is captured by a group of angels and tortured. Everyone is just doing what they have to do...:

CASTIEL Angels butchering angels. Is this what we've become? MALACHI Just following your example, Castiel. How many did you kill in Heaven? How many in the Fall? (off CASTIEL's look)  Oh, you didn't know? A host of angels died when they fell – Azrael, Sophia, Ezekiel (At this last name, CASTIEL turns very thoughtful) ...  "Died" doesn't even describe it. Devastation. Wings shredded, unspeakable agony at your hands. So, I think you would want to provide any information you have, considering... (pause; no response from CASTIEL) All right. I leave you in the hands of an artist. (to THEO) I don't care what's left. THEO Don't ask for mercy. There is none. THEO walks and shuts the door, then returns to CASTIEL, and picks up a drill. THEO I'll give you one last chance for this to end. CASTIEL Give me a quick death. CASTIEL closes his eyes and holds up his face in anticipation of the blow(s). THEO I need you to speak to Metatron. Everyone knows you have influence. CASTIEL now opens his eyes and looks in astonishment at THEO. THEO (continuing) He'll listen to you. Ask him to raise me to Heaven. You can do this, Castiel. I'll be a soldier for Metatron, do anything he wants. CASTIEL You – you serve Malachi. THEO I thought he was the answer, but he's crazy. CASTIEL You're... noticing this now? You were more than willing to do his dirty work. THEO I did what I had to.

So of course Cas does what he has to do, now that he knows what Metatron is up to, that Dean is in danger from the False Ezekiel:

CASTIEL (on the phone) Dean, I don't have a lot of time, so listen. The leader of the opposition is an angel named Malachi. DEAN How do you know that? CASTIEL He had me. I, uh, I was tortured. But I got away. DEAN How? CASTIEL I... I did what I had to. I became what they've become. A barbarian. DEAN What are you – Cas, where are you? CASTIEL It's better I stay away. They're gonna want me even more now. But I'm gonna be all right. I... I got my Grace back. Well, not mine per se, but it'll do. DEAN Wait, you're – you're back? You got your mojo? CASTIEL I'm not sure. But I am an angel. DEAN And you're okay with that? CASTIEL If we're going to war, I need to be ready.

Unfortunately Cas's warning comes too late to save Sam, or Kevin, and Gadreel takes over fully, having been deceived and manipulated into doing Metatron's dirty work, just as Cas had been in 8.22-8.23.

Which is why Cas immediately forgives Dean in the opening scenes of...

9.10, Road Trip.

(meanwhile, the angels all continue to be Terrible™ in the background, proving they were always Terrible™ and are only using Cas as a scapegoat, blaming their troubles on him when honestly they were all always Terrible Manipulative Bastards™ all on their own!)

(also, Andrew "what are cars even anyway" Dabb writing an episode called "Road Trip" makes me cackle)

Watching Dean suffering alone at the bunker (Gadreel even stole the Impala ffs), giving Kevin a hunter's funeral alone... this was hard. And then Cas showed up 100% understanding, and 100% ready to help however he could, back in a new trench now that he had his mojo back. So in that way, Dean had already resigned himself to having An Angel back, and not the same Cas he'd tossed out in his worst moment. It's his fault Cas was forced to go to that measure. Ouch.

I'd also like to point out the similarity between Metatron luring Cas in during s8-- starting by appealing to Cas's desire for atonement, his need for all the angels to stop the infighting and begin working together again, to restore order, and then luring him in to increasingly horrific acts he promised would achieve those ends. When Cas had balked, Metatron had manipulated circumstances to push Cas into doing them anyway. Same with Gadreel.

Metatron used the lure of being able to clear his name, back in 9.09:

METATRON: Relax. I'm not here to out you. But I am curious, why Ezekiel? NOT-EZEKIEL-IN-SAM They say he is a good, and ... honorable angel. METATRON Ahhhh. Everything they say you are not. I see your point... Gadreel. NOT-EZEKIEL-IN-SAM (henceforth to be known as GADREEL-IN-SAM) The stories about me – they are not true! METATRON And yet you spent countless thousands of years locked in Heaven's darkest dungeon. And now you're hiding in this human, posing as Ezekiel. (shakes his head) Tragic. It broke His heart to lock you away, you know? You were God's most trusted. That's why He chose you to protect the garden. Your one task was to keep evil from entering... from befouling His cherished creation, mankind, and you failed Him! GADREEL-IN-SAM Not my doing. METATRON Well, for whatever reason, the serpent entered. The Earth is cursed with evil. Someone had to be blamed.

Gadreel had been duped from the start. And he didn't let evil onto the Earth. Adam and Eve weren't tainted with evil when they ate the apple, they were tained with the KNOWLEDGE of good and evil. If knowledge could be considered a "curse" in the first place. And Gadreel just happened to be the one left standing there after the deed had been done, even if he was no more complicit in what resulted that Cas had been in Metatron's spell that made the angels fall. But unlike Cas, Gadreel believes Metatron truly wants to help him clear his name, or at the very least help him build his reputation anew by doing "good" now... and yiiiiiikes....

Gadreel was horrifically okay with killing Kevin on Metatron's orders, because Kevin was helping Dean perform a spell to eject him from Sam, and it was partly (at least he could rationalize it that way) self-defense. And he was all too happy to murder his former jailer who was now envesseled in a Justin Bieber wannabe. I believe we all cheered about that guy getting his comeuppance. But then Metatron orders him to kill the only angel Gadreel had considered a friend, who he'd been imprisoned with, and who'd decided to embrace the human life he'd found himself in, adopting his (previously abusive jerkwad) vessel's family as his own. Abner had been HAPPY with his life, and yet to save his own reputation, and without questioning Metatron's order, Gadreel killed him.

Crowley also played a role in this, using his NSA-infiltrated demon to track the stolen Impala. Crowley praised her for also playing ball with Abaddon (and later Abaddon would kill her for admitting she was also helping Crowley... two very different ruling styles...), and then they'd have to move from Plan A (torturing Gadreel with the Angel Brainwashing Halo Thingie) to Plan B (crowley possessing Sam to convince him to evict Gadreel from the inside).

Gadreel gone back to his previous vessel, Sam feels justifiably violated by his possessions.

Sam: What do you want me to say? I’m pissed? Okay I am, I’m pissed. You lied to me - again. Dean: I didn't have a choice. Sam: I was ready to die Dean. Dean: I know. But I wouldn't let you, because that’s not in me. Sam: So what, you decide to trick me into being possessed by some...psycho angel? Dean: He saved your life. Sam: So what. I was willing to die. And now...Kevin. Dean: No, that is not on you. Kevin’s blood is on my hands. And that ain’t ever getting clean. I’ll burn for that. I will. But I’ll find Gadreel and I will end that son of a bitch. But I’ll do it alone. Sam: What’s that supposed to mean? Dean: Come on man, can’t you see, I’m poison. People get close to me they get killed, or worse. I tell myself I help more people than I hurt and I tell myself that I’m doing it all for the right reasons and I believe that. But I can’t -- I won’t drag anyone anybody into the muck with me - not anymore. Sam: Go. I’m not going to stop you. But don’t go thinking that’s the problem because it’s not. Dean: What’s that supposed to mean? Sam: Just go.

And we're back to not talking to each other. And there's our final "I didn't have a choice." But there's also the fact that Dean DIDN'T trick Sam into letting an angel possess him. The angel did that all on his own. Asking for Dean's permission was entirely besides the point. It was Sam who had to say yes, and it was Gadreel who assumed Dean's likeness inside Sam's mind, using what he'd learned about Sam during his unattended "examination" while Dean had been talking to Cas and blowing away the other angels attacking the hospital to learn what he'd need to manipulate Sam into saying yes. And it's not like Dean intended to lie, that was Gadreel's condition he'd at first told Dean was to prevent Sam from ejecting him and basically dying on the spot before they could explain the plan to Sam. And then over time, as Dean tried to tell Sam the truth before it got to that point, Gadreel actively prevented him from doing so. It was only then that Dean realized just how screwed he was. ALLLLLL the guilt of everything bad that's resulted from Gadreel possessing Sam to this point, Dean blames all of it on himself-- Cas, Kevin, Sam... all of it. Sam's just... still reeling from his own experience that he's unable to see this yet. Unfortunately, he won't see it for a good long while to come, after it's far too late to save Dean from what the mark will do to him.

And another cycle of manipulation, betrayal, and sacrifice begins. Chuck must've been pretty damn proud of this one... all he had to do was sit back and watch Metatron execute the very Him-like plan for him. 

[unspokenfaith]

I Love You Most

Chapter Two: The Body Double | AO3

Pairings: Archie Andrews/Betty Cooper, Cheryl Blossom/Toni Topaz Rating: M Word Count: 2705 (Total: 5979) Prompt: Horror (Camp Riverdale) Summary: Archie and Betty search the woods, but instead of finding Jughead they meet someone they haven't seen in a while. Cheryl has had enough of the paranormal talk, refusing to engage in the idea that the lake house is unsafe. After coming across something she can't quite explain, she begins to think maybe they should be afraid.

Archie

After searching the perimeter of the lake house for nearly half an hour, he and Betty came to the conclusion that Jughead’s departure wasn’t intentional. But it also wouldn’t have been uncharacteristic for him to go off on his own when he was upset. Either way, he was somewhere deep in the woods by now, and they weren’t about to give up just yet.

If Archie had known how long they would be out here and how far they were going, he would’ve brought something to mark their path so they could easily find their way back, but by the time he thought of it, it was too late to go back. He figured as long as they traveled in a straight line they would be okay. Hopefully that’s what they had been doing.

They couldn’t think about that now though, not before finding Jughead at least.

He was surprised Betty was so eager to come along. Archie always thought that after the way things ended between them she never really wanted anything to do with him anymore. They barely spoke to each other since the night of the break-up, which he heard every word of through his bedroom window. Betty was the one to do it, yet she cried for hours that night. He couldn’t understand why. Sure, they dated for a long time, but considering the circumstances leading up to their separation, he couldn’t see what made him worth her tears. But maybe that was easier for him to say than for Betty to believe.

Archie had his own qualms with Jughead lately, particularly the way he reacted to the break-up, but he still wasn’t going to let him get lost in the middle of nowhere. 

“You know what this reminds me of?” Archie interrupted the long silence.

Betty didn’t break focus. “What?”

“That time in Ms. Williams’s class when we went on that field trip to the nature reserve and—”

“Oh, God.” Betty shook her head, laughing. “I shouldn’t even be laughing. That was terrifying.”

“Come on, that was funny!”

“To you maybe,” Betty said. “I had nightmares for weeks, and it was all your fault.”

“Me? What did I do?”

“You got us lost! I wanted to stay with the group and you convinced me we would find something cooler on our own.”

Archie laughed. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. But we did find cooler stuff.”

She turned around, giving him a look. “Oh, really? Like what?”

“Frogs?” He shrugged. “And hey, I was your knight in shining armor that day, remember? You thought that squirrel was going to kill you. You’re lucky I was there.”

“My hero,” Betty teased, but she smiled, and her eyes were bright—almost shining. It was the same look he had seen since they were kids, but something about it now made his heart flutter. 

Maybe it was the full moon, or maybe it was the fact that they were alone with nothing better to do, but he asked without really thinking, “Betty, do you still love Jughead?”

Her smile faded, and just as she was about to respond, Archie retracted his question. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.”

“No, it’s okay,” she said, sighing. “I don’t. I haven’t always been sure, but things are just...different now. And now that we’re broken up, sometimes I feel like….I don’t know, like….”

“Like you never did?” 

Betty looked him in the eyes. “Yeah...is that bad?”

Archie shook his head. “I think when you know, you know.”

Her gaze was so intense, he thought that maybe, just for a moment…

They were interrupted by a loud thud, a body hitting the ground.

Betty gripped his arm. “Arch, what was—”

“Shhh,” Archie said quietly and put his hand on top of hers. This was beginning to feel more like the field trip than he originally thought. Only this time he didn’t think it was a squirrel. 

He looked around for something to use as a weapon—a stick, a large rock, anything—as a small figure approached them, crunching the leaves beneath their feet.

Betty moved, shielding him with her body and facing the direction of whatever was coming towards them.

“Betty, don’t—”

Archie thought he had to be imagining things when the figure emerged from the shadows and into the moonlight.

“Ricky?”

“Ricky Dee,” the younger boy corrected.

Archie blinked, not entirely sure how to respond to the kid who stabbed him in the gut. 

“Wait...Ricky as in…” Betty looked between the two.

“Yeah, Ricky who almost killed me.”

Ricky groaned. “Do I have to do that again? It’s Ricky Dee.”

Archie held his arms up defensively. “Okay, okay. Sorry, Ricky Dee.” But then he wondered why he was apologizing.

“I’m sorry, but...what is going on?” Betty asked.

“Good question,” Archie said, turning to the boy. “What are you doing in the middle of the woods?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” Ricky Dee pointed out, and Betty rolled her eyes.

“Looking for someone.” Archie crossed his arms. “You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you?”

Ricky Dee shrugged. “Look, dude, I’m just chilling.”

Betty caught Archie’s eye, and they both reacted at the same time. “Just chilling?”

“You mean to say you’re in the woods in the middle of the night just to...hang out?” Betty asked.

“And? What’s your point?”

Archie sighed. “Okay, seriously, kid. Have you seen Jughead?”

Ricky Dee’s eyes widened. “Jughead? What’s he up to now?”

“Nothing,” Betty said. “He’s lost...we think.”

“You don’t sound too sure about that,” Ricky Dee sneered.

Archie grabbed him by the jacket, and he squirmed, trying to free himself. 

“You’re going to show us where he is.”

Ricky Dee laughed. “I already told you. I know nothing about where Jugface, or whatever his name is—”

“Explain what you’re doing out here then,” Archie said. 

He looked from Archie to Betty then back to Archie, sighing. “Fine, I’ll do it. Can you let me go?”

Betty stepped forward. “Arch, are you sure this is a good idea? He doesn’t seem…”

“He’s our best bet right now. Besides, he’s not going to try anything,” Archie reasoned.

“What makes you so…” Ricky Dee was feeling around for something in his pocket, panicking when he couldn’t seem to find it. 

Archie held up a blade he pulled off him. “Looking for this?” He handed it back to Betty, who seemed reluctant at first, but she took it anyway and pointed it in Ricky Dee’s direction.

“Go.”

Ricky Dee rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah I’m going,” then in a lower voice, “This is so stupid.” 

They let him wander ahead, but not too far ahead, while he tried to settle on a direction for them to travel in. Meanwhile, Betty and Archie hung back, just enough to be out of earshot. 

“I have a bad feeling about this,” Betty said.

“What, him?��

“Not just that, but this.” She gestured around them at the woods. “We shouldn’t have gone this far. I mean, would Jughead really have come all the way out here?”

“Maybe not,” Archie said, looking at Ricky Dee. “Unless someone took him.”

“But what’s his motive?”

“I don’t know, but we know what he’s capable of.”

“I can hear you!” Ricky Dee interjected. “If you want me to help, you’ll have to be nice to me.”

“We don’t have to do anything.” Betty held the knife up again, which led him to turn back around and keep walking. 

“You’re all going to regret this,” he muttered. 

Having completely lost any concept of time, the group wandered for a while. It could’ve been an hour, maybe two, maybe half the night. No one said anything for a long time. Ricky Dee ran out of smart comments he thought no one else heard, and Betty and Archie were determined to keep an eye on him. 

Eventually, they approached the edge of the lake. It was beautiful here, the way the moon reflected on the water and the crickets chirped quietly from every direction, filling what would’ve been an eerie silence. Archie wished they could enjoy it properly from Veronica’s lake house, but there was time for that later.

“Can we stop for a minute? I’m tired,” Ricky Dee complained.

Archie looked at Betty and she nodded.

“Fine,” Archie said. “But only for a minute. And we’re still keeping an eye on you.”

A minute turned into at least ten while Betty and Archie took the opportunity to sit down and rest. Ricky Dee walked along the shoreline, kicking pebbles into the water. Betty wrapped her arms around her legs and rested her chin on her knees, looking up at the sky. She almost looked surreal from where he sat, with the moon shining in her eyes. She didn’t look cold, but a large part of him wanted to hold her anyway.

Fortunately—or maybe not—Ricky Dee waved his arms and yelled, “Uh, guys, you might want to come here.”

They both shot up and rushed over to where Ricky Dee was standing.

“What is it?” Archie asked.

“Arch.” Betty grabbed his arm, looking down at the water. 

He wasn’t sure how he missed it before as they came over, but a body lied under the water, face down and covered in blood. Ricky Dee walked in and bent down, turning the body over. 

“Oh my, God.” Betty hid her face in Archie’s shoulder, and he already felt a tear.

It seemed impossible, but there she was. Covered in fresh stab wounds, Veronica was motionless at the bottom of the lake.

***************

Cheryl

“Hey, guys! False alarm. Jughead’s back,” Kevin yelled up the stairs. 

Cheryl and Toni had been hiding out in one of the bedrooms, waiting for everything to blow over. After Jughead, who became Serpent King in all but five minutes of being a Serpent, kicked Fangs and Toni out of the gang, there wasn’t a lot of forgiveness going around. Cheryl couldn’t blame them either. She was exiled, too, but it was much more personal for Toni and Fangs, who were born and raised Serpents. 

As someone who never cared either way for Jughead, Cheryl couldn’t understand why he came at all. Going on a relaxing weekend trip with your ex and a group of people who despised you didn’t sound appealing. But truthfully, she didn’t care why he was here. She was happy to get away from some time. Unfortunately, the relaxation part didn’t last too long.

“He really had everyone worried about him over nothing,” Toni said, rolling her eyes. “And they’re still out there in the woods somewhere looking for him.”

“Shouldn’t we go find them?” Cheryl asked.

Toni shook her head. “They could be anywhere by now. There’s no point in getting everyone else lost too.” She took Cheryl’s hand, locking their fingers together. “They have each other. They’ll be okay.”

Cheryl smiled, pressing her lips to Toni’s then falling back on the bed. “This is so not what I was expecting from this weekend.”

Toni raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

“Okay, I guess I’m not that surprised. But we couldn’t have just one weekend, or even one day?”

“Hey, like you said, this could be nothing,” Toni said. “It’s just a game, right?”

Cheryl gave her a look. “You think someone’s going to die, don’t you?”

“I don’t know...maybe? I’ve never played Ouija before, but it seems kind of serious. Don’t you think with everything else that’s happened it isn’t really that...out there?”

“I guess,” Cheryl sighed. “But I am not going ghost hunting.” 

Toni smiled and brushed a piece of Cheryl’s hair behind her ear. “Did you bring the face masks?”

“Yes!” She shot up and rushed over to her suitcase, shuffling through her clothes to find her makeup bag. 

“Hey…” Toni eyed the door. “No one else is up here right?”

“I don’t think so. Why?”

“Nothing,” she said, shaking off whatever was bothering her. 

“Found them!” Cheryl held up the bottles. 

Toni followed her out to the hallway, where they were met with silence. Not a single voice or sound from downstairs. 

“Did everyone go outside?”

Toni shrugged. “Maybe they’re looking for Betty and Archie.”

“Hm, must be,” Cheryl said, walking towards the bathroom. Suddenly she caught a whiff of something—she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. Metallic, but also a mixture of must and dirt. But that was normal given the house was right on the lake. She just didn’t recall smelling it before, but she must’ve. 

“This is adorable.” Toni picked up the shell-shaped soap holder next to the sink. She turned around, eyeing the towel racks. “Aww! They have them on here, too.”

“What’s this?” Cheryl picked up a piece of paper that was next to the soap. “‘Enjoy your visit, Veronica. See you soon! XO.’ What, no ‘mija?’” 

“Mask, please.” 

Cheryl handed her one of the bottles, then observed her face in the mirror. “Ugh, my skin is so dry.”

“Do you need moisturizer?” 

“No, that’s okay. I brought some. I’ll be right back,” she said, leaving the mask on the sink and walking back out to the hallway. 

As she was about to enter the bedroom, that unfamiliar smell came back. Cheryl looked across the hallway to the closed door—another bedroom? She held her hand out over the knob without quite touching it. Maybe it was a linen closet and the smell was old, unwashed beach towels. The only thing holding her back was the words of a Ouija board, and Cheryl did not believe in ghosts.

She opened the door.

It was a closet—not for linen, but for what appeared to be storage. Lots of old, worn boxes stacked on top of each other. She left the door open, not because she was paranoid, but because she needed light to see. The smell did seem to be stronger in here, but that didn’t necessarily mean anything. Who knows what the Lodges, or anyone before them, left in here. There was a suitcase—a nice one, too—amongst the boxes, which Cheryl did find odd. 

Crouching down, she moved the zipper slightly then stopped. She wasn’t sure what she was expecting to find—a dead body, a collection of knives—but she was relieved to see nothing but household odds and ends. Cheryl opened the suitcase all the way, pushing the top back. An old oil lantern, a few used candles, and a picture frame turned over. Curiosity provoked her, so she picked it up.

It was Veronica. Veronica and some man she didn’t recognize. He looked about their age, maybe a little older, with light, slicked back hair and a rather large, hooked nose. Whoever he was looked nothing like Veronica, but he must’ve been family. 

Then she saw the small print in the corner. Mr. and Mrs. Bains, May 2006. 

Cheryl inhaled sharply. So it wasn’t Veronica, but a miraculous look-alike. And just so happened to occupy the same lake house before the Lodges. Suddenly the Ouija board spirit didn’t sound so crazy.

There was no reason to be alarmed. Veronica probably already knew. She had to know. Cheryl didn’t have to bring this up. She could go back to the bathroom and do face masks with Toni, enjoy the rest of her weekend, and none of this would ever matter.

She stood up, brushing the dust off her legs and heading back to the door. The floor board beneath her squeaked, but when she looked down her foot was not on the floor, but an old carpet. 

Cheryl didn’t turn around, but she glanced towards the back of the closet where the light couldn’t reach. She held her breath and kept going, closing the door behind her.

Toni smiled when she re-entered the bathroom, her face completely green. “Sorry, I was bored. I had to put it on.”

“Toni…”

Her face fell, taking Cheryl’s hand. “What is it? Are you okay?”

“I think there’s something else in this house,” she whispered.

“Like what? Did you see a ghost?” 

Cheryl shook her head, biting her lip to keep her voice from cracking. “I think it’s a person.”

As soon as she said it, she thought she heard a door open in the hallway.

[wulfrann]

Andreil Contemporary Dance AU Because I Can

I don't know what this is. Call it a bullet-point fic, a ficlet, a one-shot, but the point is - the thought of a Contemporary Dance AU wouldn't leave my mind, so I wrote it down and here you go.

It's messy and barely edited and very self-indulging, but maybe this can be my Happy New Year contribution to the fandom.

- Palmetto's Foxes is a dance school known as an eclectic, unsynchronized, bastard group that mixes various types of dancing into contemporary with various levels of success. Kevin is appalled at first and convinced that they need to stick to one genre, but then he realizes that it could actually work, maybe, as long as they reinforce the contemporary elements to make it a real basis for all the other stuff that they add to it. Also they need to work on their group dancing, because solo/duet stuff is great but they're a team too so they need to start acting like it.

*

- Dan knows how to pole dance. She does it once during a solo performance and it's the most majestic thing ever. Matt can't stop talking about it for months. (and no one can really blame him)

- Renee can breakdance. I will fight you on that.

- Allison used to do ballet at a high level when she was still living with her parents. It got her into a fucked up mindset that nearly broke her, but she's slowly learning to appreciate it again for what it is, and not the memories it is tied to. (Renee helps. with that. because I'm weak.)

- I feel like Nicky would know some ballroom dancing? He would have gotten into it in Germany with Erik because it is a Thing there to have ballroom dance classes when you can afford it (sources are my German teacher who's German). He's petrified with fear the first few times and only dances with girls (there are more of them than guys anyway), but after getting with Erik and starting to be at peace with himself they start practicing together. Nicky can't help but cry a little the first time, because this is real and Erik is real and he's dancing with a boy and that boy is smiling at him like nothing else around them matters, and it's all a little too much to take in. But he does, eventually.

*

- The Ravens are this super elite, very competitive dance club with. "disputable" methods. They do a lot of group dancing where everyone is doing exactly the same movement, with Riko as their only lead dancer. Kevin was his go-to partner for duets before he left. Then it was Jean, and then no one because he sucks.

- Riko broke Kevin's right foot, not hand. He has to adapt his dancing not to put too much weight or strain on it, which takes a lot to hide.

*

- When Jean joins the Trojans, he's completely unable to dance duets or any kind of non-group dancing. His feet are in the worst shape and he's got bruises all over.

- So Jeremy takes it upon himself to make Jean fall in love with dancing all over again and to Jeremy, that means reminding him that dancing can be fun, too. Which means Jeremy giving Jean improv dancing and ballroom dancing lessons in private, just the two of them.

- It works, of course.

- Except Jean doesn't fall in love with just dancing, and Jeremy gets caught in his own trap because a carefree Jean might actually be the most beautiful thing he's ever seen.

*

- Neil mostly did ballet as a kid because that's what the Ravens have the children do (teaches discipline and all the basics, according to them, which isn't entirely false from my understanding).

- When he was running with Mary, he used to stare at any kind of dancing whenever he thought she wasn't looking. Not long after her death he's squatting in this house, right, and there's a small dance club two blocks away. Neil tries, he really tries not to give in - but it's a Monday night, or maybe it's a Tuesday, he hasn't been keeping track - he's out of food and hasn't slept in days, because the nightmares are worse than the frantic beating of his heart against his skull and the shaking, incontrollable, that makes any lock picking last minutes he can't afford. The sun is setting behind the suburban buildings as he walks past the dance club, and maybe the light catches on the picture window, maybe there's music filtering out the cracked-open door, or maybe Neil's feet are too heavy to keep going past the building and into the empty, cold house.

- Neil stops.

- He stops, and stares right through the window.

- He doesn't know what kind of dancing it is, doesn't remember anything about it except the focus, suddenly, the sense of purpose and here and this is what living looks like, and his heart in his chest. Beating.

- Neil picks his way into the house within seconds that night, and sleeps.

- In the morning he's gone.

- His mother would beat him up if she saw him taking dance lessons again. But his mother is dead, and dancing is the only thing driving Neil to make sure he isn't.

*

- When Wymack and Kevin show up after his contemporary dance class, Neil makes a run for it and gets punched in the stomach by a small blond guy, because of course Andrew Minyard came with.

- Both his parents' imprint in his flesh isn't enough to make Neil disappear this time.

*

- When Neil trains with Kevin at night they mostly do ballet, though Kevin makes sure that whatever they do doesn't interfere with regular training.

*

Andrew always dances alone, and Neil doesn't understand why.

His posture is good, and somehow melts into the movements without ever going soft. It's like watching a stream boil down the mountain's flank, except the stream is 5 feet tall and makes the mountain look pliable.

Every time he looks at him, Neil wonders what it must be like to dance with someone as steady and centered as Andrew. Wonders what it must be like to be centered.

Then he snaps out of it and pulls his mind back to practice.

*

"Why do you always dance alone?"

Andrew blows the smoke out of his mouth and studies Neil's face through the wisps.

"Why are you always in the back?"

"I asked first."

"And I asked second. Afraid you might trip?"

Neil crosses his arms. "I don't trip."

"So you're afraid to stand out."

It's not a question, so Neil doesn't answer. "Why do you only dance alone?"

Andrew takes another drag out of his cigarette, then lets it drop to the ground and steps on it.

"I don't do teamwork well," he says, and then goes back inside.

*

Kevin asks Neil to do a duet with him at some point during the regionals. They've been practicing together for a while now and although they clash a lot, Kevin and Wymack think there's potential there. Neil panics and says no. When Kevin starts pressing the matter, Andrew interrupts.

"Drop it, Kevin. Rabbits only know how to dance when they're running."

Kevin storms out, and Neil stares at Andrew with clenched teeth.

"I'm not running."

"Could have fooled me."

*

- Neil agrees to do the duet with Kevin, but only if they practice it during their night sessions for now.

- "If we can't make it work with the group, there's no point doing it."

- "Take it or leave it. We don't even know if we can sync together. If it works, we'll take it to the rest of the group."

- It's a disaster, of course. Neil has never done duet work since he was a child, and his approach to dancing clashes with Kevin's.

*

"I can't dance with him."

Neil and Andrew are on the rooftop, the smell of tobacco and ash floating up lazily to the stars hidden by the city lights. A red glow cuts out Andrew's features against the night, his silhouette a mere shadow but for his face.

"I thought you were done running," Andrew says, blowing out smoke.

"I am."

"Then act like it."

Neil lets his eyes wander to where Andrew's hand is tapping his cigarette against the edge of the rooftop, cinder flakes falling down like snow, weightless and bright. Stretching beneath them the city sleeps, a quiet map of lights.

"Help me practice."

The sound of his own voice surprises him. The silence that follows is filled with it.

Andrew turns a blank stare to Neil.

"I don't mean the choreography," Neil says, slowly forcing out the words. "Help me practice dancing with someone."

A beat.

"I only dance alone."

"I'm no one, aren't I? You said so yourself."

Andrew flicks the remainder of his cigarette into the darkness and leaves. Neil watches it fall down until Andrew's footsteps down the stairs stop echoing through the night.

*

It's not until three days have passed and Neil is this close to giving up on the duet that Andrew gives him an answer.

It comes in the form of a small stereo sitting on the rooftop, music winding from its speaker and escaping from the roof like smoke, slow and flimsy.

The first time isn't really dancing. Mostly they just stare, feet solidly planted into the ground. Then Neil closes his eyes, and Andrew takes a step forward. He takes a hold of Neil's wrists and brings them to his shoulders, then puts his hands on Neil's waist. They stay like this until the end of the song.

The second time they start shuffling along with the music.

The third time Andrew tells Neil to open his eyes. They swing, slightly, and Andrew's face is more blank than ever. Neil takes it as a victory none the less.

The fourth time, Neil asks if he can try something and takes Andrew's right hand in his. Andrew lets him.

The sixth time, Neil figures out a few steps - and smiles when Andrew goes along with them. They're awkward, barely in rhythm parodies of the dancing Neil has been watching with increasing frequency on his free time, but they start to settle into it after the third try.

After that, Neil keeps testing out steps, trying to place them on the music, and repeating them for as long as Andrew will let him. Sometimes they only go through it once, sometimes four, and sometimes Andrew stops before the end of the song. But he always comes back.

*

By the time Neil feels sort of comfortable dancing with Andrew, dancing with Kevin starts getting bearable - sometimes even rewarding. Neil stops trying to put as much distance between them as he can, and he starts enjoying the movements, too. Kevin is nothing if not meticulous, but he makes it look effortless, and the choreaography reflects that. It's a rapid, wild dance, with a lot of back and forth that gets suspended, for a split second, then starts again, changing forms. Kevin calls it a tide, once, and Neil starts to feel the waves in the music and the wind carrying salt across the pale wooden floor.

Kevin gives him a twelve-hour notice for their first group practice. Neil barely sleeps.

He doesn't know what, exactly, makes his body stiffen as soon as he walks into the room, but the whole thing is a disaster. Kevin makes him run laps, which he does enough of that the burning in his muscles is the only thing he can think about.

It goes about as well the next day, so Kevin cancels their night practice so he can get his thoughts together.

"If you can't give it your whole tomorrow, don't bother showing up."

Neil goes for a run. When he comes back, Andrew is waiting for him outside the building. They walk up to the roof without a word and start dancing, simply repeating the movements that Neil put together over time. The music, slow and familiar, wraps itself around them like a stream, and Neil is content just to let himself be carried. He loses the tension in his muscles, in his chest, lets the current wash it off into the night.

Then Andrew does something new - and Neil has to pull his focus back to follow, to stare, as well, to fall back into the regular steps as he studies Andrew's face, unmoving and unmoved, bored but for the the slightest hitch pulling at the corner of his mouth and his hold, steady, focused - open.

Neil debates saying something, but closes his mouth to smile instead.

"What?" Andrew asks, voice flat. Neil focuses on the music, adds a step without leaving Andrew's eyes.

"Nothing."

*

- The group practice with Kevin isn't perfect the next day, but it flows. Kevin makes him work even harder that night, "to make up for the time you wasted". Neil doesn't complain.

- They dance the duet for the regionals. It just about closes the whole performance, and Neil leaves the stage feeling like his chest will either collapse or burst out. It's not an unpleasant feeling.

Andrew's hand brushes his back lightly when he walks past.

"Junkie."

Neil grabs Andrew's tee-shirt to stop him. "Thank you."

Andrew pushes his smile away with his hand and a frown and leaves before the rest of the Foxes can get there.

*

"I want to dance like that again."

Andrew lights a cigarette and puts it on the ground next to him. Neil takes it, sitting, and takes in the smell. His mother is as fickle as the coils of smoke rising above them that night, so he lets it rest. Andrew picks it up from where Neil put it down between the two of them and takes a drag, blowing out the smoke with his gaze fixed on the horizon.

Neil waits for Andrew to turn towards him. "Next time I want to dance a duet with you," he says. Neither of them wavers, but the air between them does.

Andrew reaches for Neil's neck, bringing it down.

"What makes you think I want to dance with you?"

Andrew's words smell of smoke and Neil can feel the heat of his breath grazing his face, sees it in Andrew's eyes clear as the city lights.

"Because we did."

Something flickers across his face, quick as a ghost.

Neil knows he could pull away if he wanted to, but when Andrew brings him closer he lets him.

"Yes or no?"

There is a tension in them, pulling - whether it's a tide or a stream, Neil doesn't know. But he dives anyway.

"Yes."

Andrew kisses him, and the weight of Andrew's hand at the back of his neck is an anchor that the storm in his chest cannot reach.

Kissing Andrew is not much different from dancing with him, Neil thinks.

And then he stops thinking.

[maren-reads-books]

The Raven King by Nora Sakavic

With the Foxes having been hit with a major loss at the very beginning of the season, they have to learn how to cope with one less teammate while preparing for a perilous season. As they familiarize themselves with a less than ideal lineup they prepare themselves as best they can for their first ever game against the Edgar Allen Ravens. With pasts starting to come back to haunt the team they work their way though and try to push past it. As they work hard to succeed they grow closer than ever before and reveal things that never would have come to light if Neil wasn't on the team to stir things up and break boundaries. As they struggle and conquer together on the court and in their lives, the start to become a united front only for the events of the Christmas banquet finally force them apart. Will the team be able to survive or will they crumble under the pressure of their pasts?

--SPOILERS--

This review is a bit long so bear with me. I feel like this book is where the story finally starts to pick up and get interesting, more so later in the book but this book is definitely it. First off, i can't imagine the way the team is feeling after Seth’s death, they all have so many emotional problems (I’m looking at you Neil) that it must've been hard even if they weren't grieving. And I get it, Seth was an asshole and nobody really liked him but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't care about his death, I especially felt bad for Allison, she didn't deserve that. But I think in the long run (not to sound mean) Seth’s death helped bring the team closer together. And then in the midst of all this chaos, Andrew gets a call, the fateful call that will pretty much set up the entire book. It was great to learn more about the twins and their rivalry, but realizing that they’ve really only known each other for a couple of years was crazy, I can't imagine living most of your life not knowing someone was out there wearing your face. And yet they were both destined for crappy childhoods, like how much was fate messing with them huh? And then the decision to let Andrew be off his meds and play for an entire game comes along, that surprised me, but of course my crazy short blond son is willing to play along. And it works, but I'm sure Andrew felt horrible, but they won and that's what really matters, kind of. I know its not super important to the story but this part is important to me, they take Neil shopping. Finally! It seems crazy to me that he’s so resistant to people buying him anything, even something as simple as clothes, which is something that really needed to happen cause jorts? Really Neil? And the Andrew buys them matching phones?! So cute, also foreshadowing. Then the fated fall banquet arrives, where Neil starts to dig his grave deeper and deeper. First we find out that Dan used to be a stripper, but I’m so proud that she’s not ashamed fo what she did and isn’t going to let any stupid Raven get under her skin. And then we meet Jean, who of course goes on to list some of Neil’s other identities and therefore scare the shit out of him. I hated that Neil and subsequently Kevin found out that they knew who he was with all those people around, I can't imagine how that made him feel. And then after a little bit of antagonization from Riko, Neil snaps and gives his iconic, “You know, I get it” speech, like damn. One side of me is like ‘do you want to make things a little bit worse for yourself hunny?’ and the other side of me is like ‘yas go off on this abusive chauvinist asshole’ and then they tell Neil that really all along he wasn't running from his dad, he was running from Riko’s family and it's just like *boom* mic dropped. Again I can't imagine how truly afraid Neil was for his life at that very moment. His conversation about it with Kevin hit me hard, Neil’s been on the run for years, having someone know who he truly is must be the worst feeling ever, but he chooses to stay anyway, my boy has immense courage and probably a death wish but I'm so glad that that's what he chose. One thing I love the most about this book is the fact that Neil starts to form friendships, actual genuine bonds with real good people. It's crazy that he's never had real friends before but I’m glad that he's friends with these people, they're great in a messed up family dynamic kind of way. Learning the rest of the twins story from Nicky made me appalled, what kind of mother, let alone person could give up her kids change her mind but not have enough love or decenty in her heart to take both? Their story hurt my heart like you could not believe. And then Nicky implying that Andrew killed their mother(which he did but whatever) like damn, another mic drop. And then the topic completely changes form murder to ‘hey Nicky why are you gay?’ and Nicky’s answer is just hilariously on point for his character, the way he talks about Erik is just so adorable, I wish we got to see more of Erik in this series. But Nicky’s backstory is so sad! His parents are awful and I can't imagine what he went through before he truly started to love himself. Then their first game against the Ravens arrives. I was so nervous, I was literally sitting on the edge of my seat during this game. And even though they lost I was very proud of them, but I really just wanted to slit Riko’s throat. I hate him with all of my five foot one self. And then its Halloween and Neil (my magical boy) convinces the entire team to go out for drinks together, what an absolute miracle. But it's not all rainbows and sunshine, quite yet. Remember that call that Andrew got at the beginning of the book, well turns out the cop has come for a visit, how wonderful. But it's a very vague scene which again, is vital later in the book. But then we learn about Matt’s backstory. Like wow, lots of tragic backstories in this book amiraight? After Halloween Neil and Renee finally have in my opinion, a much needed heart to heart, or as close to it as two severely damaged people can get. And we get another backstory, wow, I think we're checking pretty much everyone off the list. Also I want to meet Kevin's girlfriend! I want to meet her now! Then another phone call that will set up the rest of this book. Nicky’s parents call to invite them over for Thanksgiving. What a mess, but Andrew, Kevin, Aaron, Nicky, and Neil all pile into the car and take a ride down to see the parents. But not before stopping by the Exy store to get Neil a new racket, which is also another crazy important detail. This book flows so nicely, even if the events that occur aren't nice, everything connects so seamlessly, it's perfect. And then we meet the parents, right off the bat I knew I would hate them and that they were only going to cause problems. Religion is okay, like Nicky says, it is an interpretation of faith, but people like Nicky's parents aren't willing to view it like that and that makes them dangerous, turns out I was right. Luring Andrew to Drake was cruel and horrifying. I hope they get sent away. The way Aaron defended his brother though, that kind of passion for someone you barely know is something that runs in the twins blood and that's the connection that will be vital to repairing their brotherhood. The way Neil tried to comfort Andrew, all that boy wants is to protect him. The description of Andrew being too high to even really process what had just happened to him, and the description of his laugh, it was enough to make me feel nauseous, it was such a descriptive and visceral scene. I don't agree with Aaron being arrested but whatever. But the fact that, after Andrew found out he was being sent away, he had enough trust in Neil to give Kevins care to him, like wow. That's such a big step in the right direction for their relationship. And I'm so gosh dang happy that Andrew is being taken off his meds, if they'd left him on them after what he went through I would have a serious problem. But Neil honey, your racket was used as a murder weapon and you want it back?! Like seriously? My boy needs some help, but he gets a new one so it's fine. Neil’s mission to fix Aaron and Andrew’s relationship? Such pure intentions for a boy with such a broken heart but it really shows how much he cares for these people, he has such a caring heart and has never deserved anything that he's gotten. The scene on page 269, yes I put the page number in there because it's important, when Neil asks the team if they are actually friends. Ugh, my heart did a little song and dance, I’m so happy that my broken boy has friends, and I’m glad that Aaron gets to keep Katelyn around, I like her, she's good for him. But the Christmas banquet arrives and doesn't bring any yuletide cheer with it. First things first, Riko admitted to being the cause of Seth's death, like wow didn't think that was going to happen but he's a cocky asshole so I really should have expected it. Second, he admits to setting up the thing with Drake and then tells Neil that he can have Andrew tortured/raped at his rehabilitation center if Neil doesn't cooperate. And so Neil sets off to Evermore for Christmas break, pretty much sealing his fate meanwhile the only one that knows is Kevin and Kevin can’t say a thing to stop him. I was literally screaming at my book by this point begging him not to go, but he's a stubborn little asshole. Okay, the fact that Riko put him in Kevin's place, was super symbolic of Riko’s insane personality. Then we find out that Kevin’s dad is Wymack? Like, uh, definitely didn't see that one coming, like never in a million years would I have expected that. I can't believe that they beat Neil to a pulp and then expected him to play? They're literally torturing this boy just to get him to play a sport, then Riko pulls out his knife and gets to work, and like Neil says Riko is “one seriously fucked up individual.” And then he’s home, honestly I think it works well that his time at Evermore wasn’t in the book, it makes it feel more real, I don't know how to describe it but it makes it feel like Neil tried to block everything out and then everything comes rushing back once he’s home. The fact that Wymack dropped everything to come and get him really goes to how how much he cares for these kids, they’re his family. Then coach offered to patch him up which was really nice of him but when Neil saw his tattoo and was literally ready to carve it of his face with a kitchen knife, you really get a peek into how much damage they truly did to him and how much he really cares for this team, that he's willing to put himself in danger just in order to stay with them. He's willing to fight his instincts to stay with his family, and that's what bravery looks like in my opinion. As I’ve said before and will say again, I love this series so much and would highly recommend it everyone.

-maren

[xoteajays]

She Was From The Southside   └  role-swap au (ss!dot, ns!sweet pea).

note: to not confuse her with her mother (nicknamed ‘doc’ by the serpents), dot goes by ‘dora’. read here or on ao3.

They come in like a dark wave, like a storm cloud or the ocean. Jughead leads the pack, flanked by two short girls and a taller guy behind them. Every one of them is donning black leather or flannel or both. Sweet Pea watches from afar down the hallway, he’s got no part in Veronica’s ‘welcoming committee’ or the Bulldog/Vixen hate rally barreling down the stairs towards the Serpents.

Still, he watches.

One of the girls at Jughead’s side seems unfazed by Cheryl's comments. Almost bored.

“-these greaser snakes showed up at your house trying to kick your ass.” Classic Reggie. Sweet Pea couldn’t help rolling his eyes. A short girl jolts forward towards Reggie, jabbing a finger at him.

“You wanna go for round two, Northsider?” she snaps. Jughead and the pink-haired girl grab her, pulling her back. As far away as he is, Sweet Pea can see the bruises on her knuckles.

Finally, and thankfully, the bell rings. The girl snatches her timetable and he quickly turns back to his locker, hearing her heavy boots hit the ground as she passes behind him.

———

Some people are trying to play nice with the Serpents. Or at least acting polite. Kevin, Josie and Veronica make up the Northside group, apparently trying to make the Serpents feel welcome. Jughead's seated with his serpents. Sweet’s not going to go over and introduce himself, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t going to listen in on their conversation. He is curious about them, after all. Opposite the Northsiders, the trio of serpents are passing twizzlers between each other as they introduce themselves.

Fangs, Toni Topaz, Dora Halley.

They're odd names, though Sweet Pea isn’t exactly one to talk.

With their names now known, he turns away. While messing with the vending machine, he doesn’t hear as the conversation continues.

—

Dora isn’t paying all that much attention to what the Lodge chick is saying. The only good thing about Riverdale High, after all, was that at least they were going to get an actual education. Everything else she couldn’t care less about. Instead, her gaze turns to a guy off behind them. Tall with dark hair pushed back from his face, almost the definition of ‘tall, dark and handsome’.

The conversation slips into a kind of awkward silence, so Dora takes that time to speak up.

She uncrosses her legs and leans her elbows on her thighs, locking eyes with Kevin.

“Who’s that?” she jabs her twizzler in the direction of the boy. Kevin looks over his shoulder, confusion crossing his expression.

“Sweet Pea?” Dora’s brow quirks at that. (‘Sweet Pea’? Cute). “I don’t think anyone even remembers what his real name is. He’s not really in any groups. Reggie’s been trying to recruit him into the Bulldogs for a while though.” Kevin’s brows crease. “Why do you ask?”

Dora just smirks, leaning back again.

———

After the serpent symbol somehow ends up spray painted over the Riverdale High crest, any and all Serpent miscellanea is banned under threat of suspension. All of the Serpents are denying they did it. They, at least, seem honest. Reggie and the Bulldogs, less so. Weatherbee doesn’t care either way. The ban goes up, the serpents quietly rage about it, glowering down their noses at anybody they thought was to blame for their ‘loss of skins’.

Honestly, Sweet Pea didn’t even know Riverdale High had a uniform, though his shock is drowned under the snort of a laugh as he catches sight of Toni and Dora. They’re both wearing awful khaki pants, classic-Riverdale-high-blue polos, and Dora has apparently been supplied with a turtleneck to hide her serpent tattoo. The only reminder that she wasn’t some uniform-wearing Northsider were the almost excessive amount of rings decorating her bruised hands.

“You got something to say, Sweet Pea?” Dora drawls, though there’s surprisingly no venom in her tone. Rather, strangely, there’s amusement. It even glints in her dark eyes as she looks at him. Sweet Pea just shakes his head, tucking his hands in his jacket pockets.

“Nice turtleneck,” he replies with a shrug. The serpent girl snorts a laugh.

“Right.” The word is hummed as she walks up to him, pushing to her toes momentarily to flick one of his pushed-back curls into his face. “Thanks.”

With that, she disappears passed him and down the hall.

———

Sweet Pea finds he quite likes Fangs, and that Toni’s pretty cool too. Those two are easy to talk to. With Dora, he stumbles a little bit more. Out of school, she’s always back in her old typical outfits. Always in that serpent jacket. The same heavy boots, the dark red lipstick, her fingers decked out with rings.

With no turtleneck to hide it, he always finds his gaze turning to that two-headed snake tattoo on her neck.

He’s trying to help her with her homework, but between the tattoo and her sliding that jacket off halfway through, he’s … distracted. She catches him every time his gaze strays from their bookwork. She catches him, then she smirks in a way that makes her nose crinkle.

“I grew up on the Southside, y’know?” He says suddenly. Dora’s gaze flicks to him, brows rising in surprise. She flicks her pen down and leans her elbows onto the desk.

“So we’re finished with homework?” She jokes, “What happened then? Since you’re all ‘up in the Northside’ now.” There’s a waggle of her fingers that goes with the statement.

“My family got some money, so we moved. We weren’t with the Serpents or the Ghoulies, so I guess we just slipped out without anyone noticing. I was only about six,” He continues, leaning back in his chair. He watches her pick up her pen again and starts scribbling in her book. He’s noticed she does that a lot. Scribbles. She’s surprisingly good at it from the few drawings he’s managed to look at. “I don’t think anyone even remembers I used to be a Southsider.”

“It’s always just been me and my mom. Until I joined the Serpents, I mean,” she replies finally. “My mom’s a Serpent too. And whoever my real parents are.”

His brows crease: “Real parents?”

“Doc – my mom – she adopted me when I was a baby. Never told me who she got me from, just that they were Serpents.” She pauses, huffs a short laugh then goes quiet. “Guess I never really had a choice, I was always gonna be a Serpent.”

Shoving up from her chair, she hauls her jacket back on, grabs her books.

“I gotta go. Thanks for the study lesson.” She throws a half wave over her shoulder and, just like that, she’s gone before he can say goodbye. He sits back up to close his books when he notices the scrap of paper she’s left behind. It's a sketch of a sprig of sweet peas, next to it is the open-mouthed head of a snake.

———

“You like him, huh?” Fangs says right in her ear as he snatches the sketchbook out of her hands before dropping onto the end of the couch. She snaps a ‘hey!’, thumping the side of his thigh with her boot. He smacks her feet away, leaning back to get comfortable on the couch. Flipping through a few pages of the book, a few of the drawings are familiar: snakes, flowers, the White Wyrm, a few sketches of Toni and himself and a pretty good rendering of Hot Dog. He flips another page, huffs a laugh, then turns the pad back to face her. On the page is a drawing of Sweet Pea.

“Shut up,” she snaps, diving to make a wild grab for the book. Fangs easily holds it out of her grip, laughing. It quickly turns into a wrestle for the book until Toni interrupts.

“What are you two doing?”

“Someone’s got a crush,” Fangs crows from underneath Dora, who’s still frantically trying to get her sketch pad back. A smirk grows on Toni’s face at that.

“Shut up the both of you!” Dora snaps again, finally yanking her book out of his hand and making a point to jab her knee in his stomach as she gets up. She drops back onto the couch, ignoring the teasing-cooing from the pair as she continues finishing her drawing.

———

“It’s a good look on you.”

Dora’s voice is quiet as she drops into the seat near him. It’s late. There are only a few people in the White Wyrm now, the music’s low and slow. Sweet Pea’s playing pool alone in his new serpent jacket. He glances back at her and she finally gets a look at his face. Bruised to hell. The guys certainly hadn’t taken it easy on him during the gauntlet.

“Sweets …” she says softly, taking a step closer and reaching up to touch his face. He’s got a black eye and god knows what else underneath his clothes. Body shots are common during the gauntlet. He winces even under her gentle touch. “You should let my mom take a look at you. They don’t call her Doc for nothing, y’know?”

He shakes his head lightly and touches his fingers to the back of her small hand.

“What are you still doing here? You should be getting some rest.”

“My parents kicked me out,” he says finally. That freezes Dora’s blood, if only for a second then she’s burning; but anger won’t help anyone. Not tonight. So she pushes that rage down, reaches up to cups his cheeks, making him look at her.

“You can stay with me for tonight and tomorrow we’ll find somewhere for you to stay. You’re one of us now, and serpents always help our own.”

———

Summer rolls around. Cheryl and Toni take off on some ‘romantic cross-country motorbike’ trip. The Serpents have lost the Southside, but they’re not going to stay down. The Northsiders have their own issues going on with The Andrews Trial. Troubles and issues and being kicked out of the Southside aren’t enough to stop Dora from getting into fights with Malachai though.

Dora’s not the type to back down from a fight and Malachai’s not afraid to hit a girl.

She drops by Sweet Pea’s tent, bruised, bloody and cut up, but smiling. She’d managed to get back the butterfly knife Malachai had stolen from her a few months earlier during the riots.

“Doc’s not around?” Sweet Pea asks, concern crossing his features, gently grabbing her chin to turn her face from side to side, checking her injuries.

“Nah, she’s busy. Thought you could gimme a hand?” He sighs, shaking his head before grabbing her hand to drag her off to where Doc kept the medical supplies.

Dora peels her jacket off, groaning quietly at the pang of pain in her arm. There’s a deep slash across her bicep. Pushing herself up onto the wooden table, she crosses her legs at the ankles, watching him. A smile draws across her face as Sweet Pea turns back to her, a clean damp cloth in his hand.

“Do you always have to get into fights?” He asks, carefully wiping the blood from her bicep. Dora snorts.

“You’re one to talk. Besides, Malachai’s a dick,” she shoots back, wincing slightly as he starts to patch her up.

“You’d think he’d know better by now.” He brushes her hair back from her temple, pressing the cloth to a small cut near her hairline. She just shrugs.

“Well, you know, some guys can’t take a hint.”

She quirks a brow at him, a smirk growing on her face, and he pauses a moment. Dropping the cloth down, he plants his hands on the table either side of her. Her hand reaches up, bunching his shirt in her fingers as she pulls him in. Their lips are bare inches apart, both waiting to see who moves first.

A few seconds and then Sweet Pea moves, pressing his lips to her’s.

[gluupor]

A Zootopia AU written for the Andreil Week prompt: DMV

Andrew finished his third game of Spider Solitaire and sighed deeply. His supervisor would probably eventually notice that he was slacking off if he spent too much time between clients, so he reached out and hit the button to advance the number display. Slowly he whirled in his chair to see the new number, and then turned back to the room at large.

"Two four six," he said, despite the fact that a smiling woman was already waiting at his desk expectantly. "Two four six."

"That's me!" the woman said, pushing forward a torn piece of paper with 246 written on it. She was bubbly, Andrew absently noticed. Life hadn't worn her down yet. Well, she'd learn soon enough.

"What can I do for you, today?" Andrew said slowly, sounding dead inside.

"I need to renew my license sticker," she said perkily, rummaging around in her purse. "I have the completed paperwork, and my vehicle registration, and my licence," she continued, handing over the documents.

"Alright," said Andrew, and turned to his computer, clicking on the correct icon and waiting twenty seconds for it to load. He always worked as slowly as possible in order to minimize the number of people he had to speak with every day, and his ancient computer always gave him a hand by taking forever to load.

He started filling out the correct form. "Do you have proof of insurance?" he asked.

"What?"

"Proof of auto insurance. You need it to renew the sticker."

"Where does it say that?" the woman demanded.

Andrew pointed to the tiny print on the back of the form she'd filled out.

"I keep it in my car," she said, sounding a little panicked now. "It's just outside. I can go get it and be back here in two minutes."

"I'm afraid that if you leave the building you'll have to take another number to rejoin the queue," he said.

"No!" she gasped. "I’ve already been waiting for two hours. Just hold on, I'll be right back."

He shrugged. "Nothing I can do," he said. This would teach her to be happy at the DMV.

She pleaded her case for another minute or so, before huffing angrily and giving up in the face of Andrew's blank indifference. Andrew opened up a new game of Spider Solitaire as she stormed away.

He was only part way through his second game when someone approached his counter.

"You'll have to wait for your number to be called," he said without looking up.

"Andrew, hi," said a very familiar voice.

He'd met Neil Josten about six months ago when the con-man had been talking about fake license plates to his friend at a bar. Andrew had overheard him, corrected him, and answered his ensuing questions. He'd then given him some tips about how to make his license plate as authentic as possible in order to fool the cops. Neil had bought him drinks to thank him for his help which had somehow ended up with the two of them going out for dinner. They'd been doing something similar to dating ever since. Andrew was waiting for everything to go to hell because good things didn't happen to him, but Neil kept showing up and smiling at him like a goddamn beautiful asshole.

Neil was smiling now, incredibly smugly. He was standing on the other side of Andrew's desk next to a tall, dour looking man. A couple times, when they'd been out, Neil had used Andrew as a shill for a con; Andrew could tell that something similar was happening now.

"Neil," he said. "How are you?"

"Fine, thanks," said Neil. He elbowed the man next to him. "Flash your badge, Hot Stuff, before everyone lynches us for skipping the line."

The man pulled out a police officer's badge, brandishing it enough that the increasingly angry looking people in the waiting area could see it.

"Andrew, I'd like you to meet my friend…" Neil trailed off and turned to the man beside him. "Well, shucks, darlin', I forgot your name."

"No you didn't," grumbled the police officer. "And stop calling me darling." He turned to Andrew. "Officer Kevin Day," he introduced himself. "I was hoping you could-"

"Kevin here is a meter maid," interrupted Neil, "but he's pretending he's a real cop."

"I am a real cop," huffed Kevin. "I just don't have my computer access yet."

"How can I help you," said Andrew deliberately slowly. He'd cottoned on to the fact that Neil was trying to frustrate this man. Neil could be plenty frustrating on his own, but Andrew would play along.

"I was wondering if you-"

"Today," continued Andrew, and then paused.

Kevin took a deep breath. "I was wondering-"

"Kevin?" finished Andrew.

Kevin waited, seeing if Andrew would go on. When he didn't, he launched into his question. "I was wondering if you could run a plate for me? We're in a really big hurry."

"I can," confirmed Andrew and continued to watch Kevin.

After a couple beats, Kevin spoke again. "...Will you?"

"You will owe me."

"Of cou-"

"One."

Neil's smile was very self-satisfied as Kevin twitched and tried again, "Of course."

Andrew clicked on the program to search for license plate numbers on his computer and waited for it to open. "What is the plate."

"29TH-"

"Number?"

Kevin balled his fists in frustration and breathed out slowly. "29THD03," he said in a tight voice.

"2," repeated Andrew, typing the number with one finger. He looked up expectantly.

"9THD03."

"9," said Andrew. He waited a couple seconds, before typing the next digit. "T."

"HD03," said Kevin, sounding incredibly impatient.

"H."

"D03."

"D."

"03."

"Zero."

"Hey, Andrew," Neil broke in as Andrew moved his finger towards the '3' key. "Do you want to hear a joke?"

"No!" gasped Kevin.

Andrew looked at Neil. "You know I don't have a sense of humour," he said.

"Aw, come on," cajoled Neil. "It's a good one."

"No, stop it," said Kevin.

"I will listen to it," said Andrew after careful consideration, "if you want to tell it to me."

"What do you call a camel with three humps?" asked Neil, completely ignoring Kevin's increasingly frustrated interjections.

"Hmmm," said Andrew, pretending to think. "I don't know. What do you call a camel with three humps?"

Neil grinned. "Wait for it…" he said. "Pregnant!"

"Ha!" said Kevin with false cheer. "Hilarious! Can we get back to the plate?"

"That was a terrible joke," Andrew said.

"You couldn't tell a better one," argued Neil.

"Hey, Andrew," said Renee, the woman who manned the booth next to him. "I have a better joke, do you want to hear it?" She smiled at him, the twinkle in her eye indicating that she'd been eavesdropping.

"I do!" said Neil with enthusiasm.

"Argh!" groaned Kevin, pulling at his hair in distress and smacking his head on the counter.

Several months later, Kevin was sitting in his patrol car thinking about how he could convince Neil to join the police force with him. The con-man had ended up being instrumental in helping Kevin solve the string of abductions he'd been unofficially investigating, leading to Kevin's promotion. However, Neil had steadfastly refused to join the force, much to Kevin's annoyance. He would just have to convince him; it wouldn't do for a respected police officer like himself to have a criminal for a friend.

Kevin was thrown out of these thoughts by a Maserati blowing past him at twice the legal speed limit while weaving in and out of traffic. He flipped on his siren and lights and took off in pursuit.

Thankfully, the driver pulled over to the side of the road instead of leading Kevin on an unwanted chase.

"Do you know how fast you were going?" he asked as he strode up beside the car.

"Hey Hot Stuff," said a familiar voice.

Kevin leaned down to look in the car. Neil was leaning over the gear shift from the passenger side, grinning at him. "You remember my boyfriend, Andrew, right?"

Kevin's gaze slid to the driver, the blond man familiar from the most frustrating experience he'd ever had at the DMV (which was saying a lot. It was the DMV. He was pretty sure it was designed to be frustrating).

"So you don’t do everything slowly?” he said sarcastically.

Andrew looked at him coolly. "If I recall correctly," he said slowly, "you owe me one."

[nickireadstfc]

The Raven King, Chapter 14 – A Few Cheerful ‘Hell Yeah‘s, Followed By A Swift ’Hell Fucking Nope’

In which I am too invested in Orange Cheerleading, Neil is an Oblivious Gay™, the Foxy Team Spirit gains bonus XP, we meet the awesomeness that is Fearless Neil Josten and everything goes so pleasantly well that I really should have seen the bone-chilling fuckery at the end coming.

Sounds good? Then it’s time for Nicki to read The Raven King.

I am prefacing this by saying that this is probably my second favourite chapter of this book so far. It may even be on a par with my previous favourite chapter, the Neil Sassing Riko To Hell And Back At The Fall Banquet chapter.

There is GOOD SHIT HAPPENING!! Finally!! And when the bad shit happens it’s still SASSY!! And AWESOME!! And then it’s fucking terrifying but like – what else is new.

I really, really liked this one. And I feel like I’m going to need that bit of love for the next two chapters, which are promising to be 50 Shades of Fucked Up.

Let’s go.

           “When Andrew finds out you’ve stolen his car,” Matt started, but left the rest of the threat unspoken.

           “Andrew knows,” Neil said. “He left me his key.”

           Matt stared at him, startled. He opened his mouth, then closed it again.

Homeboy can’t believe it I am HOLLERING.

The Foxes slowly realizing that Neil is starting to get through Andrew’s shell is such, such a delight.

Neil being entirely oblivious about it is an even greater one.

Also, Matt is going to start teaching Neil how to fight! Yay for self-defense! <3

Now that Katelyn is kind of not a secret anymore, she starts hanging around with the Foxes, apparently. Will I start liking this character, finally?

           Katelyn seemed nervous at first, but she warmed up quickly and chatted almost nonstop through dinner. She was so enthusiastic about apparently everything in the world it was a little exhausting listening to her, but Aaron looked so alive in her presence Neil couldn’t hold it against her.

FUCK YES I WILL.

This is such a small detail, but I actually had to put the book down at that part and just silently contemplate life for a bit because honestly – few sentences have described me as well as “She was so enthusiastic about apparently everything in the world it was a little exhausting listening to her.”

I feel this so much, you have no idea.

Of course, that means I have adopted this character now, she’s in my heart and there are no take-backs. <3

Being newly invested in Katelyn also means being newly invested in Orange Cheerleading, and this is the point where all the info I have soaked up via my cheer-loving best friends really comes in handy.

This is a very good visual for what the Vixens would look like at a Fox game – the squad in the video is Clemson University which is TFC is based on!

And this is Clemson’s cheer championship routine from last year, which is infinitely more awesome than a game routine because it’s made for their own championship, not for someone else’s game, and it really shows off what a team can do.

Keep in mind though that this team is co-ed (meaning both men and women), and as far as we know the Vixens are an all-girl team, which means they’d have considerably less partner stunts (one person on one person) and more group stunts (one person on four, three or two people).

Also, this is their uniform and now one can tell me otherwise.

Brb making an orange bow to wear to our next cheer event.

Info dump done! Let’s move on!

           “We should celebrate,” [Dan said.] (…)

           Aaron looked at [her] as if she’d grown three heads. “We don’t socialize with you.”

           “You do tonight,” Matt said. “Tell Katelyn to come. (…) The Vixens can come too.”

HELL FUCKIN YEAH, BONUS XP FOR THE FOXY TEAM SPIRIT.

I am so for all of them having fun party times together that a) don’t involve going to Eden’s Twilight and b) involve all of them.

Also, I am so, so for the Foxes and the Vixens finally being friends.

Seriously, there are few things as shitty as ignoring the people who cheer on you every night no matter how bad you are, and I can’t believe we’ve never addressed this until now.

BE NICE TO YOUR CHEERLEADERS, FUCKERS.

           “Thanks for taking one for the team, Neil,” [Nicky said.] “You’re a real friend.” (…)

           “Are we?”, he asked. (…) Tonight it almost meant something, though what, Neil didn’t know. “Friends?”

Oh my goooooooooooood literally HOW.

“It almost meant something” I am going to punch this idiot so hard his angst will finally come shooting out of his oblivious ass.

           “You’re going to be the absolute death of me,” Nicky said. “Yeah, kid. We’re friends. You’re stuck with us, like it or not.”

Nicky, my man, my sunshine, thank you for finally saying this to Sir Angstlord McDramatic, also I’m crying a lil.

I was already so happy about that scene, I thought we were done with our quota of good things for this chapter, but no – Thanksgiving happens somewhere along the way, and it’s not The Thanksgiving That Shall Not Be Named, but Happy And Sappy Abby Thanskgiving, where the food and the feels are plentiful.

           “It’s not really about the food. It’s about family. Not necessarily the one we were born with, but the one we chose. This one,” Nicky emphasized, gesturing between them. “The people we trust to be part of our lives. The people we care about.”

           “I’m trying to eat here,” Wymack said.

Wymack <3

Also, NICKY <333333333333

Brb, crying a lot.

Kevin later offers to not drink wine after dinner so Neil can have some, which neil declines, but which still makes me grin like a sappy motherfucker because Kevin offered to do something nice for Neil.

I feel like I’m in a happy fanservice episode of an anime. Is this real, am I witnessing this shit with my own two eyes?

           Somehow [the Foxes] all ended up at the dining hall at the same time. (…) On Tuesday Katelyn tagged along, and on Wednesday they went downtown together as a large group: all eight remaining Foxes and four of the Vixens.

👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀 good shit go౦ԁ sHit👌 thats ✔ some good👌👌shit right👌👌there👌👌👌 right✔there ✔✔if i do ƽaү so my self 💯 i say so 💯 thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ💯 👌👌 👌НO0ОଠOOOOOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ👌 👌👌 👌 💯 👌 👀 👀 👀 👌👌Good shit

At the restaurant, this girl Marissa starts hounding Neil, and absolute hilarity ensues as Neil tries to not talk to her or at least talk to her about Exy, and she wants to talk about everything but Exy.

Absolute lack of chemistry nonwithstanding, she still chats him up after dinner:

           “I can give you my number,” Marissa said.

           Neil didn’t remember asking for it at any point that night. “What for?”

How is this boy real. HOW.

           “I would like to get to know you better. I think we could have a lot of fun together, just the two of us. You’re very interesting, Neil.”

           She wasn’t the first to say that, but Neil wondered if Andrew’s opinion of him would change when he was off his medication.

OH MY GOD.

I AM HOWLING.

Neil: gets blatantly obviously hit on by pretty girl Neil:…………………….. Neil: hmm I wonder what Andrew would think about this

Honestly………………. This is the most I C O N I C Andreil scene to this point, and 50% of Andreil aren’t even present.

           “There’s a way to let girls down gently, you know.” (…)

           “Do girls need kid-glove treatment? I thought they were tougher than that.”

           Dan’s grin was approving. “Most of us are. Some of us are like boys, though, and have delicate egos.”

Shoutout to Dan for coming around to remind me how much of a flawless sass queen she is whenever I dare to forget it.

Also: Renee is going to be Neil’s platonic winter banquet date! Dan and Matt are getting each other cute shit for Christmas! Matt invited Neil and the cousins to his home over Christmas!

I am currently bathing in a golden pool of my own happy tears, please leave me here for all eternity and supply food occasionally.

However, if anyone thought it would all stay happy and banter-y now they must have been reading  than me, because Nora is waiting right around the corner to snatch me the fuck out of my happy pool:

It’s time for another Fancy Orange Sportsball Banquet, including our friends from Tall, Dark and Dramatic University.

Thankfully, our boy Neil has one thing in common with fandom by now, and that is being ready to protect Kevin at all costs.

           “Neil” might be an easily-spooked runaway, and “Nathaniel” was a hunted young man, but “Abram” was the one shielded from and untouched by his father’s bloody business. Neil would pull on every murder he’d ever seen and every endless, desperate night, and he’d face Riko unflinching.

This is yet another wonderful, wonderful development in Neil where I cannot begin to tell you how much I like it. But more on that in a minute.

First, another point on the list of Things That Absolutely No One Saw Coming, and By No One I Mean Everyone.

           “The following four teams have qualified to represent the southeastern district in spring championship games. I will list them in order of ranking, first to fourth. Edgar Allan, Palmetto State, Breckenridge, Belmonte.”

Aka the only teams we have seen the Foxes play against so far. What a surprise.

Also, I did mention that Neil and Renee are going as platonic dates, right?

Did I also mention how much I love Renee for going on platonic dates with people?? Bc same?? Also I love her??

           “Sorry,” Neil said.

           Renee sent him a curious look. “Why?”

           “I’m no trying to ignore you.”

           “It’s all right if you do,” Renee said. “Kevin needs you more than I do.”

I love you :( <333

Also, hate to say this, but homegirl is right.

           “Your lack of survival instincts is supremely distressing,” Riko said. “Take that look off your face before I carve it off.”

That Fucker™ is back, everyone, and as always ready to supply us all with shitty input exactly no one asked for.

           Neil hadn’t realized he was smiling, too, a cruel look he’d inherited from his father. Neil lowered his cup so Riko could get a better look at it. “I would love to see you try. You think I’m afraid of your knife? I’m the Butcher’s son.”

HELL FUCKIN YEAH.

After having met Angsty Dramatic Runaway Neil Josten, Sassy Lil Shit Neil Josten, and recently Responsibly Neil Josten, may I now introduce you to my newest favourite Neil Josten:

Fearless Neil Josten.

           “I am the family your father was afraid of.” (…)

           “Not of you,” Neil said, with fierce emphasis. “You’re not part of that family, remember? You’re the cast-off.”

Oh yeah, also Fearless Neil Josten is Sassy Lil Shit Neil Josten’s meaner twin brother.

GET FUCKED, RIKO.

           He hoped it would hit, but he didn’t realize how deep it would cut. He’d never seen that look on Riko’s face but he knew he’d signed his death warrant.

Oops.

           “A dog who bites his master’s hand deserves to be slaughtered.” (…)

           “I am not a dog. I’m a Fox.”

           “You are nothing but what I tell you to be.”

           “We talked about your delusions.”

Neil, as much as I am enjoying your witty comebacks At All Times, I sagely advise you to shut the fuck up right about now.

           “Let go of me, King.”

           “I am King,” Riko agreed, “and you are going to spend Christmas at my castle. You’re coming to Evermore for winter break.”

I would have loved to dish out a few amused comments here in the style of lol, dream on Mr Fuckface Dramatic – however thanks to y’all I have been told time and time again that there was absolute shit going down on Christmas.

Which means that now I am not amused. I am incredibly scared.

           “Drake was an interesting man, wasn’t he? I should thank the police for leading me straight to him. I might not have discovered him otherwise. Did you know, Nathaniel? Oakland lawyers are some of the cheapest to buy off.”

He set Andrew up. He set. Andrew. Up.

That FUCKER. I knew there was going to be a reason why Drake was there at that point exactly.

THAT FUCKER.

           “Did you know I’ve bought one of the doctors at Eastaven, too? Unless you want these little therapy sessions of his to turn into therapeutic reenactments, you will be on a  plane to West Virginia tomorrow morning.”

THAT FUCKING FUCKER.

I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.

I will personally punch him in his shit-eating face – no, wait.

           Neil didn’t have words, so he answered with his fist. He didn’t have a lot of room to swing but he made do and caught Riko right in his vulgar mouth.

NEIL will punch him in his shit-eating face.                    

I have been waiting for this since we first bloody met That Fucker™. I am living.

A short brawl ensues, which Neil would have totally won imo if the Coaches wouldn’t have separated them.

As it is, though, the Raven Posse is out of sight, though definitely not out of mind.

          “What happened?”

          “Neil hit Riko,” Matt said. “It was beautiful.”

          “What?” Nicky squawked. “Not fair! I missed it! Go do it again.”

I am actually laughing so hard. Nicky, you are the best.

Neil explains the situation to the team – how Riko used the promise of getting Drake’s charges dismissed as bait for him to come see Andrew one more time – and then continues being unexpectedly and brilliantly badass.

          “I’m going to kill him,” Nicky said.

          “No,” Neil said, with a ferocity that had even Matt eyeing him warily. “We’ve got to break him first. If Exy is the only thing he cares about we’re going to take it away from him. First we destroy his reputation, then we destroy him.”

Have I mentioned how Fearless Neil Josten is my fucking FAVE.

          “I don’t want us to lose a single game this spring. Can we do that?”

          “Not a single damn game,” Dan said in a hard voice.

Hell yeah.

          “I don’t have a choice. I have to go. You have to trust me.”

          “He will break you.”

          “He wishes he knew how,” Neil said. “Trust me. I promise I’ll come back, and when I do I’ll bring Andrew back with me. It’s going to be fine. So do you have my ticket or not?”

Hell fucking nope.

Is this happening?

This is the fuck happening.

Oh dear.

If you like this and you wanna help me continue writing, please consider buying me a coffee! Thank you so much <3

[hvti]

AFTG!Siblings AU

Louisa Anastasia Damia Josten (Damia Dolores Wesninski) 

Damia (english. “to tame, to subdue, to kill”) Dolores (spanish. “sorrows”)

Louisa (french. “warrior”) Anastasia (greek. “resurrection”)

the name anastasia was given to her by mary when she unofficially adopted her and took her on the run w her & neil

like how neil keeps the middle name abram in all his identities, louisa keeps anastasia in all her identities

she also keeps damia, much to mary’s chagrin

when they were younger neil used to call lousia ‘DD’ for damia dolores

now he calls her sia (which, btw, is hebrew for victory)

she calls him abe & abram in private (mostly abe)

neil was the one to come up with the name louisa when they went to millport

she’s nathan’s and lola’s daughter so she’s neil’s half sister

she’s older than him by a year or two

they look exactly the same so they often had to pretend to be twins

also she’s shorter than him (by like an inch) which he teases her about constantly

btw dolores is the full name of lola and means the same thing

she was born deaf, master at reading lips in 5 different languages (including english, obvi)

also a master at sign language but has hardly ever had a need to use it because she can communicate w neil using eye contact so,

has trouble pronouncing words because of her hearing; her voice is all hollow and choppy

neil finds comfort in it anyway

super strong & super fast; her arms are thick and muscular af

she has a curvy athletic w a tiny waist that’s super sexy btw un f

also she can most definitely bench press anyone of the the foxes

maybe not matt or kevin but,

can also run as fast as neil

she isn’t a ‘rabbit’ like neil is though

she also doesn’t have an obsession w exy like neil does either, she only plays to be closer to him

she’s a dealer btw

she’s also a freakin’ amazing dealer like woah

she tends to be quiet and aloof; louisa usually only speaks out of irritation or to defend neil when necessary

part of the reason she doesn’t bother communicating is cus it’s too bothersome to try and talk to people who either 1. don’t know asl or 2. can’t read her like neil can

she has sociopathic tendencies,,

maybe borderline psychopathic

she gets pissed easily (but it doesn’t show thanks to her usually display of blank indifference)

enjoys picking on people; she has a dark and sarcastic sense of humor

also,,, she’s v sadistic and has a temper that rivals her fathers

it’s a couple of the things she inherited from nathan besides his looks

loves toying with her enemies and prolly feels most alive when she’s in a fight and/or about to kill someone

she killed a lot of nathan’s men while on the run

usually when his people found them she’d be the first to figure it out & tell mary to take neil and run ahead & she’d catch up with them when she was done

at the beginning she cared only for neil; she’s always had a strong sense of loyalty, devotion, & maternal instincts towards neil ever since he was born

neil is the only person louisa treats with a sort of gentleness

i.e. when she touches him: her fingers are always light and soft as if she’d break if she put too much force,

she often plays with his hair, it relaxes him,

they cuddle a lot

they’ve done it ever since they were kids, it started when neil was too afraid to go to sleep at night cus of his father

when they first moved into the fox tower louisa would sneak into neil’s dorm room and cuddle w him for the first few weeks

(they also shared the couch when they were staying w wymack before school started),

she’d sometimes sing lullabies or tell random, made up stories to help calm him down when he has nightmares or panics, despite her voice

neil highkey finds her voice very soothing

when she becomes closer to the foxes she becomes just as fiercely protective of them as she is of neil (but, ofc, she’ll always hold neil to a higher standing lmao)

she also starts talking with them, not by much tho like a short sentence every now and then

but the foxes learn to read louisa as well as neil can so

they also as neil to teach them asl to surprise louisa (when they showed her she had the biggest smile on her face and so much love in her eyes all of the foxes started crying; except andrew ofc)

she’s never cared for neil’s mother, like, at all

it was mostly because mary beat neil and no one hurts neil

whenever mary would raise her hand to beat neil louisa would crush her wrists or bruise her ribs in return

nothing too major cus they needed mary to still be able to run when needed

she respected mary on some level tho because she stole money and ran to protect neil which lousia can relate too

tho lousia wouldn’t have been so cowardly. she would’ve just killed nathan

she isn’t scared of nathan, her mother or the moriyamas like neil is

she doesn’t have nightmares

she doesn’t live in constant fear for her life

she isn’t worried about making it through the year alive

she isn’t worried about becoming like her father (she basically is as this point)

she isn’t afraid of her natural appearance because it looks too much like nathan’s

she is afraid of not being strong enough to protect neil

she’s afraid of losing him; it’s the one thing she has nightmares about

she’s very skilled with knives and carries like 50 different sized ones on her person at all times

she actually has a great sense of fashion

she hated the shit mary made her and neil wear and lowkey blames mary for neil’s sad excuse for fashion

when mary dies she fixes neil’s wardrobe

she usually only wears pants & long sleeve shirts & jackets

not because she’s hiding her scars tho (which, trust me, she has a lot of scars, like 50% of her body has scars and she get more when she goes with neil to evermore)

she actually likes her scars; she’s quite proud of them, shows she’s survived a lot of shit

part of the reason she covers up is cus of neil (ofc)

when he used to he see her scars he was also reminded of how most of those were because of him, because louisa was protecting him

he always hated that he could never protect her when all she’s done is protect him

he often feels like a burden to her and her scars kinda amplify his self-hate

and louisa noticed this a long time ago so, she covers up

the other have of the reason is cus it helps to hide her disgustingly large amount of knives (like srsly she has so many)

she often forgets to put in her contacts at times or redye her hair when her roots start growing so neil has to remind her

even though louisa is way more like nathan then neil will ever be, he always feels safe with her and loves her more than anything else in the world

he’s just as protective of louisa as she is of him

tho he spent his life running so he isn’t has strong as she is and can’t protect her like she can protect him

he’ll try to nonetheless ofc cus: martyr.

and being the Sass Master that he is neil is always the first one to drag a bitch verbally when they insult louisa

neil does the talking, louisa does that fighting; brain and brawns i guess you could say???

btw louisa is a history geek like kevin is (her favorite is mythology)

remember when i mentioned louisa telling neil stories?

most of them are mythology ones

her best subject is history

surprisingly enough louisa becomes closest with nicky, renee & kevin

she’s close w all of the foxes ofc

but nicky is her Sunshine

and renee gets her the most besides andrew

but andrew is neil’s and she respects that

and for some reason her and kevin share this weird bond and they become inseparable like she is w neil

and to the utter shock of everyone louisa is also as close w aaron as she is w neil & kevin

and i know this is an unpopular opinion but i like aaron

i hate his homophobic slurs with a passion but Goddess Nora mentioned that he became that way because of the environment that he grew up in

and i feel like aaron has potential to be better (there are so many aaron hcs out there that relate to how i perceive him in this hc but im too lazy to find them and link them,,)

so! somehow, someway aaron and louisa have a bonding moment idk what yet i haven’t thought that far yet

(and this is basically an about hc not a fic hc so,,,)

i do know that it happens sometime after the drake incident possibly??? idk

and they talk, a lot mostly in asl (besides neil, andrew and herself aaron is the best at asl)

aaron confesses to her about all the shit he went through with her mom and andrew and how he hates andrew or that he hates nicky

and he tells her how he hates himself the most and that he doesnt really hate andrew or nicky and that he wants to be better

so louisa helps him, listens to him when he needs an ear, drops little pieces of advice here and there

and no one knows this is going on for like the longest time

they only find out when nicky catches aaron and louisa sitting on the couch together in their dorm room playing video games and aaron is at shouting in disbelief because how can someone whos never played a goddamn video game in her life be so fucking good!? and louisa cackling like a freakin’ cartoon villain as she continues to crush aaron in w/e game they were playing

nicky was Shook

he told everyone of course

or something like that again idk,,,

also, louisa doesn’t go pro like neil does

instead, she becomes ichirou’s right hand

when neil finishes talking to ichirou about his life, ichirou tells neil to wait outside while he talked to louisa

and ichirou asks louisa if she wants the same thing her brother wanted

and louisa was confused cus like she didn’t say or do anything during the entire time ichirou was talking with neil so why ask?

she didn’t care what she did when she got out of collage as long as she was near neil so she can protect him

but neil had andrew to protect him now so… was she really needed?

ichirou spoke to her about how she killed her father’s men (he got reports i guess, nathan’s men were kengo’s men technically)

people were sent to the last place they heard from nathan’s followers and they found their bodies bloody and mangled

louisa smirked ever so slightly, nodding her head to ichirou’s implied question (“was it you?”)

so, ichirou makes a different deal with louisa and she becomes his right hand and is held at a much, much higher status than nathan

i don’t know how i’d want their relationship to be though im caught between it being just a business thing, a way for her to protect neil from the inside as well

or have them have like a mutual respect for each other w louisa being almost as fiercely loyal to him as she is to neil (but again, neil will always be #1)

i also kinda want her and ichirou to get together at some point

most likely when louisa graduates from college

p.s. when her and neil get kidnapped by nathan and lola louisa puts up a hell of a fight

like she hurts lola bad

and nathan too

but they drugged her so she was pretty weak and couldn’t kill them like she wanted

it was the most scared she’s ever been cus lola was hurting neil while nathan was hurting her and she knew lola was only toying with neil for fun but god what is lola killed him?

she’s never felt more useless in her life

is was also the first time she’s ever felt so scared

p.s.s. louisa does change her name officially to louisa anastasia damia josten w neil

i think that’s it for now? maybe i’ll write lil drabbles or smth in the future?? i’ve never been good at writing but i do wanna see louisa come to life,,, the struggle is real

i might post more of louisa on here or my writing blog @principi and my main blog is @cimelio

also if you want come talk to me about hcs!!! i love sharing ideas n junk lmao