#I do really need to get more involved
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Now, I'm not complaining, but how the fuck are there over 1k of you here? Hello, I'm Lex! I'm the blogger who pops in once a year, says I'm going to get more involved in the community, and then immediately gets tackled by life. Welcome!
#lex rambles#I do really need to get more involved#my cards are two readings away from smacking me if I don't lol#and it's time#I've been out of it for so long and I'm missing home
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If nothing else Koenma is a Kuwabara stan and I'm right there with him o7 (I need to write the kuwameshi fic that goes with this fr)
#maybe one day i'll write that au i have sitting in my head#ever since the comment he made about making kuwa spirit detective instead ive been thinking about it#like...what if yusuke is still recruited same as canon but like#kuwa was already spirit detective? doing assignments for the guys upstairs and all#and they made yusuke help him after his resurrection instead of going solo#and it's hilarious because they still have the ''rivalry'' set in place so it's like#now i gotta be coworkers with this guy i was in a fist fight with last week?#yusuke is like you can't be serious you want me to fight DEMONS with the guy who cant even beat ME? lmaooo okay#kuwa would be more in tune with his powers atp in this au and super offended like hello#why would i use my reiki on a FELLOW HUMAN CHILD you DICK i can hold my own on my assignments just fine#but he's actually really excited to be able to spend time with yusuke doing something besides getting his ass handed to him#they're both genkai's students (she's endlessly annoyed but they grow on her)#i just think it'd be fun cos like#it'd be harder to exclude kazuma from shit if he's literally been involved in this shit before he even met#kurama and hiei#kuwabara isn't really told about yusuke's resurrection so things go mostly the same up til he's brought back#they're both called to koenma's office and it's the spiderman pointing meme 💀#it's koenma's first time seeing kuwa in person as he usually just sends assignments with botan#yusuke has already seen him cos of the resurrection arc#and koenma is SUCH a fanboy ''kuwabara it's such a pleasure. you know you're my best worker 🥺''#''um urameshi am i seeing things or is that a fuckin baby'' yusuke will NOT stop laughing#it fucks koenma up so bad he makes sure he's in his adult form when he's around kuwa next#cos he wants to be the respected boss but also guy that you can chill with!! he's so cringe#okay yeah i need to write this it's such a fun concept#kuwameshi#yu yu hakusho#kuwabara kazuma#yusuke urameshi#koenma
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Luffy not knowing about Zoro promising Sanji to kill him if he ever ends up losing himself makes me go feral because that's something they can only know about. Because Zoro's respect for life and death goes beyond anything, and Sanji knows he understands. Sanji knows that if somebody has to kill him, it's him.
And I don't even think it's because Sanji assumes Zoro's opinion of him is hatred and it would hurt less for him to do this, but because Sanji knows only Zoro would be able to treat the promise as it is. Because he would put Sanji's wishes before any feelings he has for him. It's not that Zoro doesn't care, but I think he respects people's ideals and decisions to the extent of being able to kill Sanji if he so desires.
That being said, he'd do it if there's no other way to fix it. If it's either dying or living as an emotionless machine, which is the same as dying for Sanji, Zoro would fulfill his promise. And there is just... Something about Luffy not knowing. Their captain. The man they're devoted to the most as if he were their God. Luffy doesn't know. It's something only the captain's wings are aware of and the thought of these two keeping this from Luffy until the end is just insane. Not even trying to make it romantic here, but the bond and respect these two have for each other is crazy.
Maybe it's the poetry of it all, too. Somebody like Zoro, who has looked at Death in her face multiple times and said "no", ending Sanji's life, who wants to give in to death to not experience a fate worse than death for him.
#bean posting zosan this is so rare and weird don't get used to it sweeties#kind of tired of people jumping to extremes with these two btw like-#they don't hate each others but they're also not best friends-- respect is something they value even more than those things#they're not good for my mental health they make me go insane#this wasn't meant to be in a shippy way but idk if you wanna see it as romantic you do you bc it could def be#it depends on my mood#i consider myself a zosan shippers on random days#you could also say sanji thinks zoro doesn't give a fuck about him and that's why he tells him bc we know this guy's self-worth is awful#but i also like to think it's because zoro's views on life and death are exactly what sanji needs#luffy would try to look for a way to fix this and they others wouldn't be able to do it tbh#i mean if it ever got too serious i think luffy could do it but do you really think sanji's gonna make him go through that#if zoro has to die he wants to die by luffy's hand but if sanji has to die he wants to die without involving their captain#idk if that makes sense okay i haven't slept at all tbf#one piece#black leg sanji#roronoa zoro#zosan
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i miss abby....
#rareprism art#fgo#abigail williams#abby#please.....devs.....bring her back..#if we do get a foreigner focused ordeal call#im really really really really hoping abby's involved#she was the first one.........#and im even more hoping that they bring salem's abby back#as a summonable unit too......would be so cool.....#i just really love abby T__T#shes so cool;;;#im contemplating grailing her above 100#i dont enough copies rn but i think she gets a banner in november ? december ? based on jp's schedule#but im also still holding out for goetia and romani and i need to 120 them...#hmm#for now i think ill just finish gold fou-ing abby and go from there#but seriously devs. bring salem's abby back. ideally as a playable unit. thank you.
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Wild how we know that Elizabeth Woodville was officially appointed to royal councils in her own right during her husband’s reign and fortified the Tower of London in preparation of a siege while 8-months pregnant and had forces gathering at Westminster “in the queen’s name” in 1483 – only for NONE of these things to be even included, let alone explored, in the vast majority of scholarship and historical novels involving her.
#lol I don't remember writing this - I found it when I was searching for something else in my drafts. But it's 100% true so I had to post it.#elizabeth woodville#my post#Imo this is mainly because Elizabeth's negative historiography has always involved both vilification and diminishment in equal measure.#and because her brand of vilification (femme fatale; intriguer) suggests more indirect/“feminine” than legitimate/forceful types of power#It's still bizarre though-you'd think these would be some of the most famous & defining aspects of Elizabeth's life. But apparently not#I guess she only matters when it comes to marrying Edward and Promoting Her Family and scheming against Richard#There is very lacking interest in her beyond those things even in her traditionally negative depictions#And most of her “reassessments” tend to do diminish her so badly she's rendered utterly irrelevant and almost pathetic by the end of it#Even when some of these things *are* mentioned they're never truly emphasized as they should be.#See: her formal appointment in royal councils. It was highly unconventional + entirely unprecedented for queens in the 14th & 15th century#You'd think this would be incredibly important and highlighted when analyzing late medieval queenship in England but apparently not#Historians are more willing to straight-up INVENT positions & roles for so many other late medieval queens/king's mothers that didn't exist#(not getting into this right now it's too long...)#But somehow acknowledging and discussing Elizabeth's ACTUAL formally appointed role is too much for them I guess#She's either subsumed into the general vilification of her family (never mind that they were known as 'the queen's kin' to actual#contemporaries; they were defined by HER not the other way around) or she's rendered utterly insignificant by historians. Often both.#But at the end of the day her individual role and identity often overlooked or downplayed in both scenarios#and ofc I've said this before but - there has literally never been a proper reassessment of Elizabeth's role in 1483-85 TILL DATE#despite the fact that it's such a sensational and well-known time period in medieval England#This isn't even a Wars of the Roses thing. Both Margaret of Anjou and Margaret Beaufort have had multiple different reassessments#of their roles and positions during their respective crises/upheavals by now;#There is simply a distinct lack of interest in reassessing Elizabeth in a similar way and I think this needs to be acknowledged.#Speaking of which - there's also a persistent habit of analyzing her through the context of Margaret of Anjou or Elizabeth of York#(either as a parallel or a foil) rather than as a historical figure in HER OWN RIGHT#that's also too long to get into I just wanted to point it out because I hate it and I think it's utterly senseless#I've so much to say about how all of this affects her portrayal in historical fiction as well but that's going into a whole other tangent#ofc there are other things but these in particular *really* frustrate me#just felt like ranting a bit in the tags because these are all things that I want to individually discuss someday with proper posts...
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What are your headcanons about Marcille's mom if you have any? It's interesting that what drew Donato to her was cause she lived the history he studied, or that was said somewhere at least. She must've had an interesting life.
so this was going to be just a normal answer but then I realized I have a Lot of Things To Say. so here goes, a compilation of what we know for a fact from the canon, what I've extrapolated from the visual cues and details, and my theories based on all of that.
Things we know for a fact about Marcille's mother because they were explicitly stated in the manga and supplemental materials:
She was a court mage for a Tall-man kingdom at the southern part of the Northern Continent
Donato, a court historian, fell in love with her because she had lived through the history he was studying, and he courted her for 17 years (age 15 to 32) before getting married
She was a cheerful person who rarely showed extreme emotion and took things as they came
She always cooked a huge meal for Marcille on her birthdays
She remarried a gnome after Donato's death and a short distance away from Marcille's childhood home
Pipi, Marcille's pet bird, was actually older than Marcille and originally belonged to her mother (bird died at 62)
She was extremely heartbroken when Donato died and ultimately ended up instilling a deep fear of mortality in Marcille with her words
the only time she showed extreme emotion in front of her family was when Donato could no longer eat his favourite dish near the end of his life.
She scolded Marcille for being cruel to ants (implying she can have a stern side when needed)
Things that are explicitly shown but mostly through visual cues
She has a very distinctive style of dress always involving a ribbon choker (mirroring Marcille's habit of always wearing a matching choker with any of her outfits that don't cover her neck)
She was almost stereotypically good at housekeeping and traditionally "wifely" things (very frequently depicted wearing an apron or doing some domestic chore when not at work, seems to have been an avid cook).
She knits? (also, note the affectionate smile as she's looking at Donato and Marcille reading a book together in the full panel)
She was as excited for Marcille's milestones as Donato was.
She didn't tell Marcille much about elven food
(there are a couple things that this panel in particular implies:
She lived a good deal of her life (if not being born and raised) in a mainly elven country in the West, implied by her knowing enough of an elven region's cuisine to prefer Tall-man food over it
seems to have a pretty carefree and casual demeanour overall, if this is how she replied to Marcille asking her about it (sounds like she never gave her culinary preferences that much thought to begin with)
slightly related to number 2, it seems like she and Marcille had a fairly casual parent-child dynamic (especially in comparison to the Toudens' memory of their father)
(local elf tastes Italian food once and never goes back))
However, she seems a lot more... serious in most of the other times we see her? Almost like the very stereotypical archetype of a graceful elf.
Subsequent conclusions about her personality:
Usually pretty carefree and cheerful at home, has been a loving and attentive parent throughout Marcille's childhood (while not being so doting that she didn't discipline Marcille).
Slightly more conjectural theories on her personality:
Had a much more graceful and professional personality at work, which would explain the more serious portraits we see of her.
Given that both she and Donato had positions at the royal court, it seems a little odd that she'd go out of her way to do all the housework herself, so maybe she just enjoyed doing it?
Now taping all the evidence together and toeing the line between analysis and fanfiction:
It's clear that she loved Donato very much and was utterly devastated by losing him. But there's one thing that really stuck out to me in what little we see of her:
Doesn't she seem... angry? The way she's gritting her teeth, clutching the tablecloth, and how this is the first and only time we see her eyes opened that wide. In the following panel, you see her being quiet and dejected after her initial outburst. She's still crying very intensely, but her brows are furrowed, and she's not really responding to Donato's affection in her body language.
We're not told the details of how she felt about losing Donato other than that it upset her. But this, to me, implies that she was angry and resented that he was aging, that the end of his life was approaching. An "it's not fair" type of preemptive grief. And if this was the first and last time she cried like this in front of her family, she was either very good at coping in private... or very bad at letting herself feel unpleasant emotions until they become unavoidable and end up overwhelming her.
It's not too remarkable a detail on the surface. It's even reminiscent of what the audience has seen of Marcille. But... when it comes to the big picture, you'd think an elf who voluntarily chose to marry a tall-man and have a half-elf child would have been better prepared for this.
It kind of recontextualizes her cheerfulness to me.
"I'm sure everything's gonna be okay!" (or some variation thereof, depending on what translation you have).
And this is stated to contrast her extreme grief when finally confronting Donato's failing body and eventual death. But I'm wondering if... maybe this optimism was why she was so upset. What if she went into all of it thinking "everything's gonna be okay"? What if she was a little young by elven standards, and just followed her heart thinking that her own resilience would get her through anything?
Of course, only to get completely overwhelmed when she actually loses Donato. She turns into a completely different person. And that's heartbreaking on its own-- but what the audience sees is the effect it had on Marcille. Can you imagine being her, watching your invincible and upbeat mother suddenly lose all the light in her eyes in one go?
I've already made a huge post about how I think Marcille models her "work persona" off her mother, but another thing that stuck with me as I was looking for more details in the manga was this:
copy pasting from the other post i made about it lmao it's like... the second she resigns herself to lifelong pain and terror, there's another portrait of her mother facing her like this. with their heads bowed, in mirrored body language of resignation and despair and sorrow. Except it's posed like Marcille is still looking at her mother but her mother is looking away.
It took me a second to realize, but I think that it's a visual metaphor for the fact that Marcille's mother was the only long-lived role model she had-- and she failed to model healthy grief for her daughter. I don't say this as an accusation or to disparage her as a character, but just as a matter of fact. In her, Marcille was seeing herself older and losing a short-lived spouse or loved one of her own, and all she saw was hopelessness.
But her mother didn't mean to instill hopelessness and terror in her. She wasn't really thinking of how it would truly affect Marcille at all (at least, that's how I'm interpreting her looking down and away from Marcille in the metaphor), she was just sad. And she, in her own way, was trying to protect her daughter and help her prepare for future losses.
What she meant was "loss is inevitable, and you have to learn how to be in pain but live on anyway." What Marcille heard was "loss is inevitable, and you will be scared and hurt for the rest of your life."
Again. Marcille's mother doesn't feature explicitly in the story the way her father does -- but in so many ways, her shadow, her silhouette, her reflection is always hanging over Marcille.
All that to say... headcanon-wise (everything from here on is 100% without evidence lmao), I'd like to think that she matured and realized that she failed Marcille. I imagine her being regretful about it, wanting a chance to fix it but never finding a way to insert herself back into Marcille's life when Marcille is so so so busy becoming the most accomplished mage possible. I imagine her being herself again, now, so many years after her loss and after remarrying -- but with her cheerfulness tempered with a lot more wisdom and the pain of having gone through loss like that. I think the second Marcille actually tells her what happened in the dungeon, she'd want to go running to her daughter again -- if Marcille tells her the full truth instead of just being embarrassed she let things get that far. (oh, the tragedy of her wanting to be more like her mother and an accomplished adult who doesn't need to be babied... being embarrassed to actually tell her mother how much she fucked up...)
There's also the tension of her having remarried -- I know that there's at least a little bit of resentment that Marcille harbours about that, because she's childish like that at heart even if she makes an effort not to externalize it. I think that her mother would be aware of that, potentially adding to her sense of guilt and apprehension at trying to reappear/intrude on Marcille's life. I honestly don't think Marcille has met her stepfather -- or even considers him a stepfather rather than "mama's new husband" and kind of a total stranger. I think she and her mother actively don't talk about it in their correspondence, like an elephant in the room.
but, ultimately, I think her mother is on her side no matter what. Ancient magic? Dark necromancy? Sure, she'll feel guilty and like she was partially responsible for setting Marcille down such a painful path, but she wouldn't care. that's her daughter!! she would've moved back west and been petitioning for her at the court, buying a house right next to the Canaries barracks and visiting her every day that she wasn't on a mission. And if her husband had opinions on Marcille becoming a "dark arts user," he either gets over it or it's divorce with him. Yes, she might have had her optimism completely humbled by losing Donato like that -- but she's still headstrong and self-assured and she doesn't care what people think of her. It's her way or the highway and she's always going to be in Marcille's corner.
(She also needs a name lol. I went with Juno, just to be cute about "Marcille"s closest real life equivalent being Marcella, which is the female version of Marcellus, which in turn is a diminutive of Marcus, which was derived from Mars. Absolutely in love with Marcille potentially being named after Ares/Mars the fucking god of war btw)
#asks#she could easily be interpreted as distant or neglectful after Donato's death too#with how little involvement she has in Marcille's life/the fact that Marcille doesn't even mention her when talking about her life prospect#and that's fair! I will argue to hell and back that she was a loving parent when Donato was alive#but there's nothing that suggests she remained a loving parent afterwards#I just think that like... parental relationships are so complicated in dungeon meshi#you cannot deny that the toudens' mother loved them dearly but that she failed them both miserably as a parent#and i think it'd be more compelling if Marcille's mother was a little like that too#not a totally and easily dismissable deadbeat#but someone who truly loves her daughter but was only human herself and couldn't be what Marcille needed at a crucial moment#and regrets it deeply#and that the distance between them is mutually self-imposed by complicated feelings of guilt and fear#and a little resentment from Marcille's side that she hasn't really properly processed#I don't know if I'll ever get around to writing it but i had this idea where Marcille does finally spill the beans to her mom and she just#immediately arrives in Melini#and its awkward for a bit but they do finally have a heart to heart and air it all out#and marcille starts freaking out that her marriage is rocky rn bc her new husband wants her to distance herself from marcille#on account of the crimes and all#marcille's like no you can't blow up your marriage for me and her mother just shuts that shit down#'you didn't choose to be born. i was the one who made that choice for you'#'i brought you into this world and i'll be damned if i don't take responsibility for that the entire way'#'you are entitled to *nothing less* than my unconditional love.'#and obviously that's not a sentiment that's exactly healthy as a universal statement about parenthood#but i think its what her mother would believe and what marcille needs to hear#and dungeon meshi does such a fantastic job at just... letting imperfect things just *be* without having to justify it immediately#it expects the audience to do their own critical thinking#and know that its not trying to make sweeping universal statements in every instance#marcilleposting#marcille donato#junoposting
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any trans person should get HRT for free (no insurance required) and in exchange they should participate in the occasional study/survey.
research into sex hormones and their effects is so scarce and you have a whole ass population group who's willing to not only switch up their hormones but keep it up for very long periods of time. you could run some incredible long term studies with participants across all sorts of demographics.
while it's impossible to conduct any blind studies on this due to observable change in appearance, there's still so so so much data we're giving up on because we'd rather...
lemme check my notes. that cant be right.
...because we'd rather deny trans people health care and let them die. huh.
#trans#transgender#ramble#queer#lgbtq#genderqueer#hrt#trans hrt#crimes against the gender convention#someone make me a scientist im onto something#like yes obviously science needs funding and shit but if we can stuff dead fish into mri machines we can give out some pills#we have a... grasp on physical changes but even that is limited#effects on behavior have like. 3 studies in 30+ years or something like that#and we cant really extrapolate from animal experiments because human brains are so much more complex#and what about variants!! id fucking love to take a fucked up lil cocktail to see which aspects of a physical transition can be isolated#like if i take testosterone i am SO gonna start balding but theres supposed combinations that would inhibit the effect on hair loss/growth#but i cant have that because theres not enough science on it to get it approved here (especially if insurance is involved)#hello i am the science lemme do it!! gimme!!!!#id even let you float me in a vat of mysterious green liquid#actually that seems like a benefit
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fastest way to piss me off is to try and add something to a task im in the middle of doing because 'youre already doing it so this shouldnt be extra work tee hee' THATS NOT HOW THIS WORKS
#i have planned this out. meticulously. in my fucking head#i have mentally prepared myself for every step. i have decided how much energy i need#i have Locked In. and u have just fucked everything up#this felt like a bigger issue for energy when i was depressed#but it turns out its still an issue because im Just Like That (probably autistic)#anyway. this all sounds catastrophic but this was inspired by being in the middle#of physically carrying plates and needing to rinse them#which is nothing really but my god did my temper suddenly explode. i think it was also the manner it was said#like tee hee just sneaking it in there youre already doing it so =) if i had been outright asked#before i started moving. i wouldnt have gotten so pissed off#and thinking back on it i wouldnt also have tipped off to nuclear if the extra plates#WERENT PUT RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SINK WHERE THEYD BE A HUGE HINDRANCE#AND ID HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO MOVE THEM TO GET LITERALLY ANYTHING DONE#the simplest solution that absolves me of any assholery is to have said Hey.#next time tell me before i stand up instead of trying to sneak it in cos thats not cute.#unfortunately i was abruptly consumed by a haze of pissed off#tldr this all boils down to I had a plan i had allocated resources and everything was planned arnd it#and u threw a wrench in it. can u imagine what its like when bigger more substantial things#are interrupted. it involves drinking to avoid snapping at people
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something something guys who think of the backs of the girls they love
and girls who pinch the cheeks of the guys they love
#funny coincidences and all that~~~~~~~~~~#especially since both of the guys are associated with the colour green i m e a n—#i just really love how hw isnt afraid to have the guys fawn over and dote on their gfs#unlike many other love stories yk?#seeing the guys shower their lovers with affection is the best part!!!!!!#who needs emotionally repressed male leads when you can have affectionate hw male leads#even ‘cool’ and ‘mature’-ish guys like yu and kodai (to a degree) are super loving towards their respective gfs#and now!!!! we get to see nagisa: a cool-ish and mature (compared to like lxl) adore hiyori!!!!!#…oh. wait. i think i get why there kinda feels like there’s an narrative disconnect between nghy#hiyo is more of an idol series character (despite not being an idol) yet her romance with nagisa seems to be more on the love series side#so the way the two series are intertwining *now* after all these years of being somewhat of separate entities#(despite overlapping characters like the sanbaka + arisa and hina + sena) may feel a little wonky#juri is different bc she has p much nothing to do with the idols. she’s just in it for the vibes#but for someone like hiyori who’s super involved in the idol side to suddenly be introduced to the ‘love’ side of things…#especially since her retconned romance was with another idol… and all that old pre-nagisa novel stuff with yujiro…#idk i think the nghy romance could’ve been handled better had it not been for the [redacted] anime#…wait i think i realised something else. it could be a coincidence but!!!!! wait a sec#the dude from gamushara
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So uh. MelDan ammirite? This (kinda) blew up on Insta and other socmed I use so ig I'mma upload this here too lol
It started as a crackship (and it's still is, I kinda like to jokingly them imagine them pretending to like each other but actually wanting to skin each other alive, a little ooc for both of them, but it's mostly just for fun) but rn I'm exploring the potential ""relationship"" through a more angsty lense.
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#hpma oc#hpma daniel#my art#magic awakened#daniel page#melly anderson#melly anscombe#OK SO#I think that there's many different ways these two could “work”#I could go with a safe route aka transfem!Daniel x Melly all cute and sweet#OOOOR I could make it angsty and potentially one sided#my current idea? Daniel knows Mel is a metamorphmagus and wants her to tell him who she really is#but Mel ofc doesn't really want that for many reasons#she doesn't feel comfortable sharing who she really is bc she doesn't want people to know the real her in general#if she tells Dan he'd pry more and he'd discover WHY she's pretending to be Melly and that's a no no#this frustrates Daniel to no end he's not even sure if Mel even likes him back sometimes#Mel feels bad for deceiving Daniel snd wants to be honest w him but she can't#although I do have somewhat of an idea why Mel would get involved w him like this I'm still trying to figure it out#(she's probably having a comphet phase + she feels lonely af and needs a distraction from everything + to move on from Melissa and Cass)#and maybe also Ivy? she avoids her several reasons despite feeling heartbroken to do so#real question is tho what does Dan even see in her lol#that's def smth I gotta think about lol#but yeah. it's not canon to any of my current universes it's just for some mindless fun
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Do any NieYao (or general 3zun) shippers follow me? I've been tossing around the idea of a nieyao fic but I'm getting tripped up by timeline shit because good lord JGY's life is a nightmare... is there anyone who wouldn't mind either:
a) chatting with me about timeline/canon stuff to help me get sorted
b) sending me recs of their favourite nieyao fics 👀 for, uh, strictly research related purposes for sure for sure
#mdzs#nieyao#man i've been wanting to try writing someone nieyao related for ages and finally stumbled across a prompt that intrigues me#but it's always intimidating approaching a character/ship you haven't done before... so much canon to get sorted out in my brain first 😫#i just finished my two Long Fics and i'm waffling between projects right now :( i need something to sink my teeth into#i have a whumpy post-burial mound siege wangxian oneshot that needs a bit more love to get the ending and flow right...#and a meet-in-childhood wangxian fic that's just fun and cute that i really need to return to... since writing that soulmate au this one go#backburnered and i would really like to look at it again#and a very silly different-third-meeting hualian fic but it's a case fic and involves serious plotting before i can do much with it *sigh*#so instead of dealing with any of that i'm chasing this plot bunny instead god help me#when you want to write but nothing feels quite right... at least putting meng yao through a breakdown might be fun#bene speaks#this is me rambling#i will be on a nine hour plane flight soon so i need some ideas to chew over... not that i'll actually have a laptop to write on god save m
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DM, on getting together to talk about backstory stuff I have to have him build with me: I might need to ask a few more questions about Felix and also what drives him besides curiosity
me: is curiosity not enough??
also me: well the other major thing was supposed to be solving this mystery that I asked for your cooperation with six months ago and have never gotten any input on
#me building felix in 2022: this guy will be actively and strongly driven by curiosity so I can get him into pretty much any situation#dm: sure but what's he REALLY after. so I can figure out how to put him in a situation.#yeah I guess I wouldn't expect someone incapable of curiosity himself to recognize that as a valid driving force! my bad!!#he's NOSY and he's KIND and BRAVE. what more does he need!! haven't you ever seen a detective show! haven't you seen scooby doo!!#I mean I've finally sufficiently chewed upon the lad to figure out at least SOME of his underlying Stuff and what makes him tick#so I have a better and fuller understanding of various Whys of his behavior and a little more depth and nuance for choices#but like if you're looking for like... a lust for treasure or a revenge quest or something like that idk what to tell you dude lmao#a specific diagetic thing ABOUT felix is that he generally doesn't HAVE a more specific drive than This One Mystery; he's drifting#how about you work with the character you're given. while weaving your fictions. how about that.#man to be fair I reserve judgement on this backstory until we've at least talked about it but#I still really hate and resent that the one PC whose backstory needs a lot of involvement from the DM got stuck with this one#I don't WANNA let you do it. I don't trust you with it :')
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there's an essay jumbled up in my brain about dunmeshi's beginning and how clever and deceptive it is as a sleight-of-hand trick that distracts the audience from the depth and scope of the worldbuilding and foreshadowing that's being set up the entire time by dangling zany characters and wacky dishes and biology fun facts in front of us, and how that serves to catch invested viewers off guard when those elements come to the forefront, but also how it works against it with other viewers wanting "more" and not seeing it because the plot bait isn't laid out up front
how people getting frustrated with the characters "not taking things seriously" is mirrored and refuted in the confrontation between Laios and Shuro. how the characters' attitudes aren't just a result of shallow low-stakes "comedy rules" where nothing matters, but are an extension of their personalities (Laios's nonstandard expression of emotions being offputting even to people he knows) and the world and social environment (adventurers being desensitized to death and injury because resurrection magic is commonplace). the way the party refers to "saving Falin" instead of "retrieving Falin's corpse," indicating that they still see her with full personhood, and how that phrasing leads to some readers/viewers believing that Falin is alive in the dragon's stomach, conscious of being slowly digested while the party carelessly fucks around "wasting time." how the weird tonal dissonance makes sense in-universe and yet is deliberately challenged more and more the deeper the party goes
all the character building and pieces of lore slowly weaving together the shape of the larger world, laying the groundwork for the major themes that will surface later. so much is right there in the "low-stakes" early episodes if you know what you're looking for (or pass the perception checks).
it can be so satisfying to see new viewers/readers pick up on the clues even in the earliest "simple" episodes, or notice new things and make connections yourself....and it can also be frustrating to see people dismiss oddities and dissonance as shallow or bad writing because they don't expect a "cooking anime" to have depth like that. why try to question and understand and peel back the layers when you don't expect there to be any layers?
why can't laios take things seriously for once?
#mypost#i'm majorly out of practice for doing any real critical cohesive writing lol#trying to put this into coherent words has been such a mess so here's a vague gesture at my thought process about it#it's both my favorite and the most frustrating thing to see#because i've seen SO MANY people say they dropped the show after a couple eps thinking they know what it's about and where it's going#a cute but ultimately unsustainable gimmick#people for whom the characters and the food/biology infodumping weren't enough of a hook#but i wouldn't change anything about the structure to put a more obvious plot hook in the beginning#because it would give the game away TOO much#i LOVE how the audience has to acclimate to the characters' attitudes about death#only for our assumption that it's all normal and fine in this world to be thrown back in our faces#how we're left to notice the winged lion appearing in statues and carvings and coins and armor in the background#long long before it's ever brought up as a real entity by the plot#the history of the kingdom laid out in plain view but nevermind that. magic painting food!#i've seen the language around falin and her resurrection cause so much confusion#but of COURSE the characters involved wouldn't directly say 'we need to get her corpse to revive it'#bc pragmatically they already understand that as their goal. it doesn't need to be stated out loud; it's just how this process works.#but also they don't SEE her as an object. a dead body.#they need to 'save her before she's digested.' 'the spell couldn't reach her in the dragon's stomach.' 'hang in there falin'#death isn't real to them. not really. and so it doesn't quite feel real to the audience either#not until they find her skull and that realization slams home#like......i keep comparing it to gravity falls#which is episodic and goofy in the beginning but also has a much more obvious plot hook to keep people interested#(a main character entering a secret bunker indicating that he's lying about his ignorance of the town's mysteries)#the main characters in gravity falls are AWARE that there is a mystery to be solved and are trying to find more information#but i don't think that approach would work as well for dm!#laios's goals were never that lofty. not until they HAD to be because the situation demanded it of him#it's the characters trying to solve one personal problem and finding themselves entrenched in something vast and dramatic#that they weren't even fully AWARE of when they set out. and we the audience are on that journey with them!#it's SUCH a good structure i wouldn't trade it for anything. but also. tragic to see people give up and dismiss it so fast.
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Seriously, though, what can I side-hustle to get money at my ko-fi
#personal#i am not doing well and i need to get out of this house but unfortunately nyc is really damn expensive#I've even started considering jersey city#(nothing wrong with it objectively but the commute would involve more walking and be further from people I know and care about)#(but also nyc is like. part of my identity at this point idk)
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i think chappell roan enforcing her boundaries to creepo parasocial fans is so fucking awesome and based and she should be allowed to do whatever she wants forever
#seriously i never see artists (regardless of what type of art) enforcing these boundaries and making people listen#also ive just become aware people are mad at her for not getting involved in political stuff???#hey i think perhaps people should form their own opinions and not base their life choices on what a celebrity they dont even know says?#its not like celebrities are your trusted royal advisors man go think about it yourself.#i was going to say “if taylor swift told you to vote for a specific person would you listen” but thats a bad example isnt it#i think swifties just do whatever she says man#i think a lot of people really need to perhaps consider looking into what THEY THEMSELVES think of political candidates#and form their OWN opinions through research if theyre not sure on who to vote for#and not just immediately look to a random celebrity or public figure for what to do#has anybody considered like this isnt celebrities' business????#youre not at fucking daycare or highschool its not their responsibility to show you how to use critical thinking or form opinions#these arent your family members. these arent your friends. theyre just people a lot of people know about.#seriously man...i plan on attaining some fame from my projects eventually. its not gonna be my job to do that anymore than any other artist#my job is to draw furries not kiss the fans and tell them what to think. thats not my business.#even if i disagree with someone's views its still not my business my business is drawing furries.#theres a difference between using your platform to talk about issues and literally fucking telling people how to vote.#basing all your life choices on what celebrities think is gonna get you in a deep fuckin hole and do you no good. look at things 4 yourself#Sorry im kind of ranting here. am i sorry actually? no i think this needs to be said and im sayign it#and im not basing that on what popular figures think either! im basing that on what i think! which is what more people should do!#why dont we look at this from the perspective of like...streamers instead. cause people are weird towards streamers too#if i were to go up to a streamer or youtuber and ask them who to vote for#if i went up to fucking markiplier or vinny vinesauce and asked one of them who to vote for you'd all think i was deranged.#celebrities can also be wrong about shit!!! or be shit people!!! this is not me attacking anyone here!!#please consider the fact they are literally just people and theyre not some all seeing omnipotent god figures#you could go and ask nicki minaj who to vote for. or doja cat. you could just as well go and ask your boss who to vote for. or a neighbor!#and either way you dont need to base your life choices based on what that person says!#you still need to think for yourself!#but i think if youre gonna ask someone who to vote for it should be someone you know personally. not a pop star. not a gamer. not an artist#if youre gonna base your opinions on that of other people base it on the opinions of people you trust. people who know you.#people who are really there for you.
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mr spices and mr wines. also mr candles and mr veils.
have you ever seen that one tumblr post that's like. "i don't ship these characters i just think they belong in couples therapy together". yeah. that's pretty much my stance on most spacebat ships
#the hearts on the veils/candles bingo are broken bc. well. yknow#ask#i do have slightly different outlooks on both of them#spwines is basically just canon to me in a divorced way. like. i dont think they're romantic. but i Do think they're infinitely divorced#the spwines divorce is extremely real#soulmates that will find each other in every universe type shit. except the soulmates is being Exes™ in every universe#their constant bickering is amusing and im delighted everytime they show up together bc without fail they argue. and it's enrichment for me#i just know the scoundrel is involving herself in the spwines divorce war on the side of mr wines#(she really needs better things to do with her time)#fallen london#veils/candles on the other hand i dont really actively ship? i think it's an intriguing prospect#i like seeing interpretations of their dynamic#but i dont think they necessarily ever had a relationship like that. and if they ever did. well. it's a bit fucked up now isnt it#the tragedy of candles is definitely a lot more tragic if you interpret him and veils as being Close. but i think of it as extra spice#on top of an already delicious dish#yknow?#that being said. they're kind of on the same Extreme Divorced wavelength as spwines. albeit obviously in a VERY different way#i think the most karmically fitting fate for veils is being tormented by its sins (particularly towards candles) for all eternity#and like. that's a ship. in a way. of a sort.#veils alone with the corpse it lovingly handcrafted and left to rot at the bottom of a well#it's the classic disney villain ending where the antagonist gets literally dragged away and punished by their victims#which is all to say#that one bag a legend text where veils is speaking to someone you cant see and it's Afraid. that's delicious#i love it being tormented like that and we all should hold candles over its head forever and ever
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