#I do not plan on bringing it up too much though

[fireladyofink]

Oh God.. uuhhhh.. been a minute since I tried one of these..

Skipping 1, hate first person, just can't do it, not even read it.

2 is 100% Andlàtkyn. There's some issues here and there but it will always be my pride and joy.

Due to not posting on AO3 (even though I really should be), 3 is mostly ineffective. Except Wattpad has tags. I'd say UTAU, dragons and crossover.

4, lol. Literally. Lately I keep using that (only when texting others) and it's bothering me. I feel like a simpleton because of how much I'm saying that, eugh.

5 I've honestly learned a lot while researching fics. For one, I found out lantana berries are toxic to humans yet taste like blueberries, and I have them growing in my backyard. They're actually my favorite plant! I love their flowers; so pretty, and they have such a uniquely funky smell as well. Part of why I adore them, it stands out so much without being a bad smell. And the leaves have a sort of citrus smell? I love lantanas.

6 I don't know. I've thought about requests due to the money, but I feel like I'd either struggle to start writing it or get carried away with it- or straight up not finish in a reasonable timeframe. Commissions? Like art commissions? Maybe in a few years when I'm more confident in my skills and also somehow have a drawing tablet to properly draw digitally. Something like that.

7 Either or. I love making sickeningly sweet coffee or various different teas.

8 Is honestly hard to decide! Off the top of my head I can think of Dust initially meeting Killer with the hilariously absurd question of "What do you mean you don't have a mouth? How are you speaking right now? Your ass?"

9 Believe it or not it was basically when I first got a phone and commented a short story in the comments of a YouTube video. Someone replied with a suggestion of Wattpad. The rest is history, lol.

10 Off the top of my head I can't think of anything beyond something very specific for the fic I've been thinking about again lately, Ninjagaësia. Only time I've written outside of the UT fandom too, I specifically want to get around to writing that version of Zane more. What I had planned for him is fun as hell. An absolute badass.

11 Lots of comments, votes and people enjoying it. Which, continuing the above mention, Ninjagaësia doesn't qualify for. Pretty unsuccessful, but for once I don't really care.

12 Undertale AU's. I doubt I'll ever leave, either.

13 No. Hell, my ultimate fic of Andlàtkyn was written throughout the later half of highschool. I am technically working on an original story on the sidelines, I call it my worldbuilding project because I'm building up so much lore in this world before I actually touch on the story itself outside of a vague idea. About 60-ish different species of people, including the were-diseases. Last I counted, anyway. I'll be working on it for years, I know it, and I don't mind that either.

14 Comments talking about my fics on said fics. Actual interactions! It brings me joy. 🧡

15 My family is well aware. I don't bring up a lot of details but the last time I went into vague detail with my mother it was over a scene in Andlàtkyn (no direct spoilers) and she interpreted it weirdly and now she teases me by asking if I'm killing babies again! A bit awkward..

16 Actually finishing a damn story. I don't mind the periods of no writing until I get inspired again, but what annoys me is when I can't seem to finish anything. Only ever finished Andlàtkyn. I still have yet to write anything for the sequel to it, either! Zeradelsída is still just a bunch of loose plot points..

17 I am semi successfully writing benevolent eldritch horror. It doesn't intend harm, but it is truly.. horrifying nonetheless. The uncertainty of someone knowing he died, feeling his own heart stop beating, and feeling something OTHER seep inside and force it to start again, pulsing in his veins, fusing with his anatomy, permanently altering both him and itself into something completely unknowable.. I'm rambling. Anyone who hasn't seen my Wattpad, read Awakened. If you don't mind ridiculously long fics, read Andlàtkyn too!

18 I have at least 7 I mostly expect to finish, with at least 4 others just kind of.. there. I don't think I've posted any of those, either. I also have ideas inspired by dreams that I'd love to write down someday, though don't really expect to actually codify.

19 I kind of just don't. I work on different projects as the inspiration hits, take a backseat for a month or so, then come back to either the same project or a different one.

20 Hmmm.. Hard to think of something specific. I'm leaning towards stuff in Andlàtkyn. I don't really have a favorite kiss scene because I don't do romance. I write adventure! Andlàtkyn has some side romance though- not that any of it is my favorite. Platonic stuff, though.. I'd say my favorite is honestly Lust and Alter incidentally befriending each other and becoming venting buddies. It's the cutest thing, their friendship is adorable and wholesome despite the background angst. I didn't write nearly as much of them as deserved.

21 Honestly it's mostly lack of inspiration that I'm pretty sure stems from depression. If I could get an ADHD prescription or depression meds I'd probably be a lot better but like. I am completely broke. So much so that those issues aren't even in the top 10 of pressing problems solved with money.

22 Given I've literally only done it once.. not really. I guess I post it around everywhere I can think of in excitement?

23 That one continuous dream I had that went on over a month centered on a Nightmare that was freshly corrupted. He was honestly so nerdy and adorable despite putting on the brave and mildly "evil" front. The boy. Him. Goddamnit I want to write that at some point.

24 Honestly I can't think of anything for this one.

25 Oh yeah, I can't think of anything off the top of my head but there's a lot I'd like to fix in all of my stories, lol.

26 Kind of? It's a more recent development, did it for Zeradelsída which still has yet to be written, did it for that Ninjagaësia too. A little bit of a broad, even vaguer outline for things I want to happen in Awakened, too? More like events, no particular order or connection.

27 A few of those WIP's that haven't been posted... Okay technically just one. There's also the very first fic I wrote that is subsequently the only one I've ever deleted.

28 Angstiest often coincides with cursed for some reason, so I'll just go with the ending of Andlàtkyn for the Apple Twins.

29 I kind of just.. don't. If I do, I start hating everything, and because I'm not THAT bad at spelling and grammar I think it's mostly fine the way it is.

30 Oh absolutely. It's particularly obvious when one looks at Andlàtkyn, which I wrote over the course of 4 years. Really neat transition, if I ever manage to do it, I'd rewrite the beginning a little to match the rest when crossposting to AO3. If I ever get around to that.

31 Again, Andlàtkyn. That fic is my baby, man. It's so precious to me.

32 Honestly I don't know for this one, which is weird.

33 100% Ink of Awakened. My little boy. I have some friends that would rib the hell out of me if they ever found out, lol. Thankfully the main one doesn't even remember that he has a Tumblr.

34 I was not expecting how hard of a question this is! I thought it was Andlàtkyn, but thinking about it.. I don't think so? It might simply just change depending on which one I'm currently fixated on, but at the moment I think my favorites to get that on is Awakened and Ninjagaësia, second of which already has basically nothing to begin with.

35 I don't have anything, oof.

Fanfic/Author Ask Game

Write a scene from [insert fic] in another character’s POV

Which of your fics is your pride and joy?

What are your top three most commonly used tags on AO3?

What are some words or phrases you feel like you overuse?

What’s something you learned while researching a fic?

Would you ever accept requests or commissions?

Coffee or tea while you write?

What is your favorite line/section from [insert fic]?

How did you get into writing fanfiction?

Is there a character or ship you'd love to write for, but haven't yet?

What makes a fic 'successful' in your opinion?

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Do you have an 'official' creative writing background such as a degree or previous experience publishing?

What makes you happiest? New fic comments, kudos, bookmarks, user subscribers, story subscribers, or Tumblr asks?

Does anyone you know in real life know you write fanfiction?

What do you struggle with most when writing?

What is something you recently felt proud of in your writing?

How many WIPs do you have and how many do you expect to finish?

How do you get over writer's block?

Share your favorite kiss scene from [insert fic]. If there's no kiss scene, share your favorite moment of intimacy (romantic or platonic)

What stops you from writing more in your free time?

Did you do anything special to celebrate finishing a fic?

What’s a story you’d love to write but haven’t even started yet?

Which scene/theme was the inspiration for [insert fic]?

Are there any moments in [insert fic] that feel "blurry" to you? Is this a stylistic choice, or would you go back and clarify the descriptions if you were given the chance?

Do you ever "prep" your fics with outlines or warmups before you start writing, or do you just dive right in?

Are any of your stories inspired by personal experience?

What's the angstiest idea you've ever come up with?

How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?

Have you noticed your style change over time?

What fic meant the most to you to write?

A character you enjoy making suffer.

A character you want to protect.

What is your favorite fic to get comments/messages on?

Wild Card: Ask me something else!

[livinggxd3adgirl]

Sukuna yearning for you back.. (part 1)

“Sukuna, that's your 6th shot. I think you're drunk enough” Urames worried voice hit Sukuna like a drum constantly going with no end in sight.

“I want to be black out drunk before she comes to get me” Sukuna downs another shot. His tab is only getting longer and pricey. Sukuna had one simple plan.

have you back in his arms where you belonged.

He lost you. That’s his fault and his alone. He was too dumb and immature to see that his angel truly was his only saving grace in this cruel world. First, sukuna thought that getting you gifts upon gifts and just bugging you would do something. It didn’t. So he started spam calling and texting you like you guys had never broken up. Though he knew he deserved the cold shoulder, it still hurt to see what his words and actions could do to his sweet angel.

So started the operation ”play the hopeless maiden.” (In yujis words)

A simple plan, really. Get Sukuna so drunk to the point he can barely see or think about anything else, but call you so you can take him home so Sukuna could talk to you and bring you back home. Easy, right? WRONG Sukuna got way too drunk way too fast. His sight blurry as you shuffled him into your car and drove off. He was practically seeing stars in his drunken state. But Sukuna knew that he only had one chance or else you would be gone like the wind again.

Fast forward to know…

He saw the panic in your eyes. Gloss painting over them. That’s when he knew he had you in the palm of his hand. All his again.

“Listen angel.. I know I was cruel, but these past months made me realize so much” sukuna thumbed at the tear that was already escaping your glassy eyes. How Sukuna missed this. Not being broken up or your tears, but the intimacy of it all. You sat there practically holding your ribs open, letting him see your heart. And so was he. Sukuna was never known for being gentle and vulnerable. But right now? He was letting you cut his chest open for dissection. He didn’t care at all because you deserved it. All of him is yours. His body, his mind, and soul.

“If you don’t want to be with me, okay.. you deserve better. But I, Ryomen Sukuna, will never leave you alone. Even if you get married to someone else, have kids and a house on the hill” His admission made you giggle through your tears and sniffles. “I’m ready to give you that and all more angel. I’m ready to bare myself out to you. I just want another chance.”

“Jeez kuna, you always knew how to make me cry” Even at a time like this, you tried joking.

“So.. Do I get another chance?” Sukunas sly smirk told you that he already knew the answer. But he meant it when he said that he was changing.

“Shut up and kiss me kuna”

MADE BY LIVINGGXD3ADGIRL

omg guys thank you so much for 1k likes. That genuinely warmed my heart so so so much. Likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated

[aventurineswife]

Consider, the AE crew playing horror games and it’s poor March’s turn on the controller, but reader serves as her emotional support by being a comedian, kinda like this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SErWi_NZ8DI&t=62s

If this link doesn’t work it’s just Markiplier playing Fatal Frame 2 and making funny noises while reading the taboo tome. XD

Press X to Panic

Summary: The Astral Express crew gathers for a cozy horror game night, with March 7th bravely (and nervously) taking her turn at the controller. Thankfully, you’re by her side as her emotional support comedian, lightening the spooky mood with jokes and over-the-top commentary. While March struggles to handle the game’s scares, Caelus brings his Gen Z flair, Dan Heng offers quiet amusement, and the room is filled with laughter, camaraderie, and wholesome chaos.

Tags: Astral Express Crew (Caelus, March 7th, Dan Heng) x Reader, Humor, Fluff, Horror Games, Found Family, Emotional Support, Lighthearted Chaos, Comedy Relief, March 7th Focus.

The lights of the Astral Express flickered dimly as the crew settled in for one of their rare moments of downtime. The usual hum of the train was replaced by laughter and playful banter, the crew gathered in the lounge for a much-anticipated horror game night.

March, with her usual spark of enthusiasm, was eagerly clutching the controller, though her nervousness was apparent. Her eyes darted between the screen and the rest of the crew, trying to psych herself up for what lay ahead.

“Alright, it’s time for me to shine! I’m gonna do this!” she cheered, though her voice wavered.

Caelus, leaning back in his seat with a laid-back expression, raised an eyebrow. “Bet. We’ll see how long you last, though. You’ve got this... if you don’t panic too hard.”

“I’ll be fine!” March said, trying to convince herself, but the controller shook in her hands.

The rest of the crew was gathered around, each of them either anxious or excited to watch March’s impending demise at the hands of the ghostly horrors that awaited her on screen.

You sat beside March, always her emotional support and comedically prepared for the situation at hand. You grinned, already planning to provide her with some comic relief.

“Don’t worry, March, just remember: the scarier the game, the funnier I get,” you quipped, offering a wink.

“You think you’re funny?” Dan Heng, ever the stoic one, asked with a hint of skepticism in his voice, though there was a glimmer of amusement in his eyes.

“Absolutely,” you replied, resting your chin on your hand dramatically, “because nothing says ‘comedic relief’ like absolute panic and awkward breathing. Just wait for it.”

March finally took a deep breath and started the game. The room fell into an expectant silence, the eerie music from the game heightening the tension. The moment a ghostly figure appeared on the screen, March squealed and immediately dropped the controller, her hands flying to her face in a mix of embarrassment and sheer terror.

“I can’t, I can’t do this!” she squealed, looking at you for comfort.

With a theatrical sigh, you turned to her and offered a comforting pat on the back. “Alright, alright, March, no worries. Take a breath. What’s the worst that could happen? It’s not like the ghost is going to come out of the screen and—”

“Boo!, you’re dead!” A ghostly figure jumped on the screen with a dramatic pop-up, causing March to shriek.

“See? Told you it wouldn’t be that bad!” you chimed, even though March’s face was now a few shades paler.

Caelus, reclining lazily in the background, finally broke his silence. “Yo, that ghost is low-key a vibe though. Like, it’s got the drip.” He smirked, clearly teasing. “I mean, the ghost has better fashion sense than me.”

“Caelus, you cannot be serious,” March shot back, though the faintest laugh bubbled up through her fear.

"Bro, I’m dead serious," Caelus responded nonchalantly. "This is giving me major ‘ghost trying to flex on everyone’ vibes."

The energy in the room shifted from nervous to playful, as everyone took their turn to gently poke fun at March’s reactions. You, however, stayed in your prime, leaning into your role as her emotional support—by adding hilarious commentary.

You leaned in closer to the screen as March steeled herself to continue. “Okay, you’ve got this, girl. Let’s face it, you’re gonna be fine. The ghost is literally just here to vibe and chill. Look at him. He’s probably just like, ‘Yo, can I get a selfie with you?’”

Dan Heng gave you a side glance, though his lips twitched in amusement. "You're impossible."

“Impossible? Nah, I’m just the emotional anchor here, bro. We’re gonna make it through this game with no stress,” you retorted dramatically.

March, still shaking, picked up the controller again. She slowly moved her character through the hallway, peering around corners.

“This is so intense,” she muttered, inching forward, every step slower than the last.

Suddenly, the screen flickered. A ghost leaped from the shadows, and March screamed, throwing the controller up into the air.

“March!” you shouted, laughing as the controller flew, “We were literally this close to making it through. But hey, no shame in the game!”

“I’m sorry!” March said between breaths, completely overwhelmed but now laughing at herself. “This is too much for me!”

"Bro, it’s just a ghost, chill,” Caelus chimed in again, rolling his eyes dramatically. "Don’t let it gaslight you like that. Just ignore it and it’ll go away, like a bad tweet."

“You sure?” March asked, eyes wide as she glanced at the others.

“Absolutely,” you said with a grin. “Now, get back in there! Ghosts only get more dramatic if you let them win.”

With a deep sigh, March took a deep breath, her face scrunching in determination. “Okay, okay, here we go.”

The game continued, but now the room was filled with a different kind of energy—one where even Dan Heng cracked a rare smile, March found a small bit of confidence, and Caelus, of all people, offered a small chuckle.

Eventually, the game concluded, and March let out an exaggerated sigh of relief. “I’m never doing that again.”

“Next time it’s my turn, right?” you asked, your voice pure mischief.

March shot you a playful glare. “I swear, if you even look at that controller next time, I’m hiding it.”

The crew laughed, and for a moment, the tension of the horror game faded, replaced by the warmth of friendship and the undeniable joy that came from their shared shenanigans.

It wasn’t just about defeating the game; it was about the bonds they formed, the laughter that broke through the fear, and the understanding that, no matter what happened, they would always be there for each other.

And if that meant being March’s emotional support comedian for the rest of the night? Well, you were more than happy to oblige.

[rewatching-sam-and-dean]

I normally try not to weigh in too much on the actors themselves, but fandom is being hysterical (not in the funny way) as usual after The Boys promo video with J2 and Misha.

Here are some facts:

Jensen went to Kripke and asked if he had anything for him after SPN ended. Kripke helped him craft his audition until it would be acceptable for the other producers. We know this happened because Jensen told us, and he talked about it multiple times. There is nothing wrong with him going to Kripke for work. This is networking, and it’s what actors should do.

Jared never once publicly asked to be on The Boys. At most, he answered fan questions when asked what kind of character he’d like to play, but he never actually hinted he wanted a part. In articles, when asked if he’d join, Jared essentially said he was too busy filming Walke, in a polite way. Also fact, Kripke has hinted at wanting Jared on The Boys before Walker was cancelled, and he did so publically. Then when Walker was cancelled, Kripke really ramped up the public pitches to get Jared on the show, and was publicly psyched when Jared finally agreed. Jared never, publicly at least, even asked or hinted at wanting to be on The Boys, never mind begged.

Misha hinted multiple times publicly, including tagging Kripke on social media directly, that he’d like to be on the show. Kripke never said anything publicly, as far as I’m aware, about wanting or trying to get Misha on the show prior to the announcement from yesterday. When he talked about getting the biggest SPN Pokémon, it was when Jared finally signed on. When he talked about breaking the internet again, it was in reference to a J2 reunion on screen. When he talked about reuniting the SPN trio, it was in reference to JA, JP and JDM, not Misha. Was Kripke always planning to include Misha once he finally got Jared? Maybe. Is it possible he wasn’t going to bother with Misha until or unless he got Jared too? Yes. He could have hired Misha on at any time before and never did. Misha definitely publicly begged to be on the show, and Kripke never said anything in return to, or regarding, him being on the show until now. Kripke probably only brought him on because he thought of something funny/gross/trolling to do with J2 and him on screen.

Ultimately, I would have preferred not to have Misha in The Boys because when I finally get to see J2 on screen together, I didn’t really want him there, too. It feels like trying to shoehorn Castiel in with the brothers again from forced SPN scenes. But, I’ve also lost interest in the show itself, so I’ll probably pick and choose what moments I bother to watch anyway.

That being said, The Boys has a whole cast beyond Jensen being a regular in Season 5, never mind it being a giant J2 reunion that will take up a bunch of screen time. So, adding Misha to the mix isn’t exactly robbing fans of long and significant J2 moments on screen. (Though I’d still be happy for him not to be in their scenes at all).

Honestly, Kripke probably wanted Jared so bad, at least in part, so he could bank on free publicity in social media from Jared and J2 fans. He already had the Jensen fans on board. Similarly, he probably decided to add Misha for the same reason. Happy or not about his addition, people are talking about it on many social media platforms, this bring free attention yo the show.

Kripke just wants publicity.

What I want is to get out of this is at least one solid (hopefully more), Misha-less moment between J2 on screen.

But people are really losing their shit over what might amount to like 5 minutes of screen time from Jared and/or Misha. Jensen’s Soldier Boy isn’t even one of the main cast members, even either him being a regular this season, so I doubt there will be a lot of room to expand on a character for Jared (never mind Misha) and then interacting, on a show that’s on its final season and has many storylines to wrap up.

Anyway, in conclusion, only one member of J2M begged for a part in The Boys, and Kripke is using all of them to generate buzz. Simple as that.

[kittenboom]

Wow, that question really bought back a lot of memories #triggered 🤣🤣 but I have been on the other side of that question where those words were spoken but what they REALLY wanted to ask was "why don't you have a driver licence? What is wrong with you?"

Probably will always hit a nerve for me, because I have been on both sides.

I probably will regret oversharing, but what else is new, it anyone reads this & is dealing with increasing anxiety around getting their license (or getting it 'at the right age')... maybe it will bring you some comfort?

I got my 'learners permit' in high school, as part of my school's curriculum, I would have been 16 turning 17.

That piece of paper is the starting point, but it does require follow up to actually DO the learning to drive part.

Personal context: my dad is not great with patience and even being a passenger would give me anxiety, so he was not an option to train me. My mum agreed to teach me but had zero interest in us driving. I won't get into it, but basically she was always happy to drive us around and here is the most important part -

MY MOTIVATION levels were basically non-existent.

At that age, I had plenty of friends with cars who were happy to drive me around & I had been taking public transport to school/work for years at that point.

People would say "you don't understand how much freedom you get when you get your license" and it would be sooooo easy to dismiss because in my mind - I WAS already an independent teen/young adult.

I made plans with friends who would pick me up & I would feel very mature & free. I could leave home & catch a bus to the train line from which I could go anywhere. I worked part time. I HAD freedom, what was the rush?

Age 17, I fell in mutual love for the first time, they were two years older than me (as most of my friends/partners are).

By the time I was 19, me not having my license was no longer cute. It started internalizing the guilt I had for not getting onto it sooner/having it already. At this point, almost everyone my life (except my sister), had their license. I was comfortable & complacent relying on partner to drive.

Public transport is available but the flip side is the time it takes 20 min drive vs 45-60 mins via public transport. There were taxis too of course, with uber & ridesharing right on the horizon. The reality was even though these "independent options" existed for me, I rarely used them, instead I basically abused the goodwill of my loved ones.

At age 20, I decided to bite the bullet & buy myself lessons with a real driving instructor. I was proud of myself. I had only had my best friend take me out once and my mum a couple of times at that point.

This would be my second time driving a manual car. I really wanted my manual license. The cars I wanted to buy were cheaper in manual, but basically - people don't give you shit about it like they do with an auto license (in Australia anyways).

The down side - this driving instructor I picked was the fucking worst. We only had three lessons, the third license she made me turn out into peak hour traffic and my anxiety went into overdrive. I will never forget her making me pull over to whip out her phone to show me very graphic images of what happens to people who crash with their hands in the wrong position on the steering wheel. Aka she traumatized me something wicked.

I remember this vividly as I had my first international trip ever to Indonesia and whilst over there, I lost my phone. When I got back to Aus, I had to buy a new one, eventually got my number changed over and then started getting all these messages through from the driving instructor - asking about when our next scheduled lesson is that escalated to her threatening to charge me for being non responsive. It was insane as actually, I had to respond "really sorry I just got back from a trip where I lost my phone" & she apologised but I was like "yeah I don't plan to do anymore"

This set me back from driving for another few years. I decided to go for my automatic license, so I could at least drive something, I could always go for my manual drivers licence after the fact. I was sick of waiting.

So I found a driving instructor who specialised in teaching people with special needs. She was amazing. Where I am from you need to complete 50 hrs of supervised driving and I completely my log book hours with just driving lessons. It cost me a lot of money, it took A LOT OF TIME.

My first practical driving exam, I failed within a few minutes because I took a turn too early, having to rebook that was so humiliating (& of course they make you pay the full fee again). However I knew it was a stupid error and something that in Non-test conditions, would not have been an issue.

My second practical driving exam, I passed with flying colours. I had only 1 mark deducted because during my reverse parking, we could feel the back tyres bump the back car park block ever so slightly. I still considered it a massive win.

Unfortunately, by the time I actually got my P plates at age 24, and could drive unsupervised, the person I owed the MOST drives to, my first love, was no longer with us.

The statement: "you get so much freedom when you can drive yourself around" is unfortunately true. It's not just control of your destination that you get, but also better control of your time.

I will tell the story about how I lost my license for a year another time. It's not a fun story either BUT I have a lot to say about having taken so long to get my license, only for it to be taken away during a time when I really needed it.

Also the juxtaposition of my OLDER sister, still not having her license (but making weird meandering progress nonetheless).

The moral of this story is: yes, if you live somewhere that isn't a walkable paradise, I highly recommend you take a step towards getting your licence!

Just say "fuck it" to all the pressure /norms that tell you you have to do things a certain way. The only way is safely. The most important quality you can have with driving is confidence and that takes time!

So I guess this is telling you to give yourself permission to take your time, as much time as you need, to learn to feel comfortable with it. You just have to keep going.

since this is the "no drivers license" website i wanna see everybodys reasons

[truelotus]

(Oooh first time requesting smtbhing so hopefully I'm doing this right ;-;)) But can I request Aizen kidnapping his darling using his evil evil hypnosis during the SS arc when everyone thinks he's a little sweetheart?

(Btw take ur time and no pressure 🤗)

Tricked out ᢉ𐭩 Sosuke Aizen X reader

𓂃۶ৎ warning: abduction, kidnapping, manipulating

𓂃۶ৎ context: Aizen unknowingly to you, uses his kyoka suigetsu to hypnotize you, manipulating you subtly.

a/n: I was finally able to do this request! tysm for it and thank you for giving me time to do it <3

Captain has always been very kind to you, after you joined his squad and you were able to become a seated officer, he took more interest in you. He’d come by, to see how well your training was going, help you with anything you needed. He even listened to the problems you had, he was definitely one of the most kindest captains.

But you couldn’t help but feel.. odd? around him.

It felt like it was too good to be true? or something? Nothing felt right of real once Aizen would come around, and even when he left you be. That strange feeling continued to linger, making you feel uneasy.

You’d often feel this feeling even at night, you could never get a peaceful good night sleep.

And tonight, once again you’ll feel that same exact uneasy feeling. But you knew, that you could never fully trust this man, there was something dangerous about him, but thats all you knew.

The air in the soul society felt unusually still tonight, tonight the feeling was much more pronounced than ever before. Maybe it was because of the odd things happening around maybe? Lately you felt like you’ve had more eyes on you than ever before.

But you would brush those feelings away as soon as Aizen would come, he distracted you from the feeling.

You were staring off into the night, listening closely to the droplets of the rain, only the rain could bring some peace to you. You were at your assigned room of squad 5’s barracks. You were up late, unable to sleep. You were so deep in thought, you didn’t notice that someone was coming towards you.

You jumped when feeling a hand touch your shoulder so casualty, you grabbed the hand quickly, then you quickly released it once you looked who the hand belonged to.

“Everything okay? I’ve noticed that you’ve been very tense recently.” You could see the genuine worry on his face, you straightened out the wrinkles of your clothes, trying to hide your embarrassment from your face.

“Captain Aizen! I’m so sorry, I was just.. anyways. Yes, I’m alright. Things have just been feeling like, a dream? lately. So i’ve been on my toes, that is all.”

It was strange on how he always showed up, it was like he planned on it.

Aizen hummed, putting his hand to his chin, as if he was deep in thought about something. “I see.. this seems like something that should be discussed over tea, would you like that?” Aizen replied, giving you a sweet smile that almost the whole seireitei is familiar with.

“A-Are you sure captain? I don’t want to prevent you from doing your work.” You were a bit hesitant, unsure about the situation. You only felt strange once your captain was around, would things go bad once you join him for tea? Or maybe Aizen was the key to solving this issue..

“Nonsense, It’s quite late anyways. What duties would I be doing at this hour?” He put his hand out to you, waiting for you to grab it, to join him. Still cautious, you accepted the hand that was out for you. Aizen’s smile slightly widened.

Strange.

Everything felt strange.

His hand didn’t feel like, his? There’s no way that this could be a impersonator of captain Aizen, right?

Aizen continued to hold your hand as he guided you to his room, even though his hand felt strange, unreal. There was some warmth to it, making you blush. Aizen’s hand was big compared to yours.

You cursed yourself for even blushing, you know very well that this man isn’t the man he projects himself to be. But it was strange, how come all of the sudden you were feeling actual romantic feelings towards him? It was as soon as you grabbed his hand, has he done something or?

Soon enough, the both of you made it to his room. He quietly shut the door behind you as you entered, “Please, make yourself comfortable. I will get the tea ready.”

“Yes captain.” You said as you sat down at the kotatsu. You felt awkward, you’ve never been in Aizen’s room before, alone. You were fidgeting with the ends of your clothes, messing with your hair, constantly changing the seating position you were in.

It didn’t take long for the tea to make, Aizen entered the room while carrying a tray with a kettle, tea cups and bags of tea.

He sat the tray down, then showing you a variety of the tea bags he had. “Here, I brought these out. I didn’t know which one you’d like.” You never really drank tea, so you then asked, “Which do you prefer? I don’t often drink tea so.” For a second, you could see the smile on his face twitch.

“Oh then, I suggest this one. It is my personal favorite.” You nodded, watching him pour the boiling water into your cup then as he brought the tea kettle to his cup, he spoke as he poured the water, “So, tell me. What is on your mind?”

You weren’t sure on what to say, you couldn’t trust this man.. or could you? Were you just overthinking things and making assumptions.

Yeah that should be it right? Captain Aizen would never do anything to you, he’s one of the nicest in the entire gotei 13. You could trust him, he is your captain after all.

This “thoughts” of yours were only implanted by Aizen. He then finished stirring the tea for you both, handing it to you.

“I can’t explain it, recently things have just been weird. I feel like I’m being watched 24/7.. And it really only happens when..”

“When I’m around?” He said as he brought the cup to his lips, you lowered your cup down slightly, surprised by his answer. Has all of this actually his own work?

You froze, unsure on what to do. Were you in danger right now? Should you run? What were his reasons for it?

You dropped your cup, ignoring the burning sensation, the boiling water was burning your thighs but you ignored it. “Ah, careful now.” His tone was smooth, he was so casual about this right now. Why?

He got up, walking over to you. He was going to soak up the tea on your thighs but instead you pushed him away.

“You want a explanation? Very well then.”

He flaunted his spiritual pressure, forcing you to stay down, to stay in place as he spoke, “Yes, I’m honestly very surprised you noticed. Most people don’t notice my perfect hypnosis.” You were confused on what he meant on, “perfect hypnosis”

You couldn’t move, even if you wanted to. His spiritual pressure was just too much for someone like you. You wanted to swat his hand away when you saw it getting closer to your face, he held onto your face, squishing your cheeks together with his hand.

“It only shows that you truly are something special.” You tried so desperately to move, but of course he wouldn’t allow it.

“Captain..”

“I knew that you’d be some use to me from the very start, this was just a test. To see if I was right, and it seems like.. I was correct.” He brought his face closer to yours, his lips dangerously hovering over your own lips.

“I noticed you from the very start, You noticed my kyoka suigetsu. That is what peaked my interest in you, nobody else was able to see it but you.” You weren’t aware of the powers of his zanpakuto, he never bothered to explain them to you.

“What do you.. mean.”

“Oh right, you do not know the power of my kyoka suigetsu.” He used less of his spiritual pressure to force you down, giving you a little break. “It is, complete hypnosis.. it is able to completely control all 5 senses, it’s a very interesting zanpakuto, don’t you think?”

You weren’t sure when exactly he used kyoka suigetsu on you, but you weren’t going to ask. You knew you had no time, you needed to run, to get away.

Even while he was flexing his spiritual pressure, you slowly stood up, using all your strength just to barely stand on your feet. Aizen smirked, seeing you try so hard, miserably.

“Seems like you don’t understand that you are very important for what I have planned.”

“You’re right.. I don’t understand. I don’t understand why you chose me out of all people.” You slowly walked to the door, dragging your feet. Aizen only watched as you slowly walked away, knowing you were weren’t going to make it far.

“Because, you’re different. I’ve seen your abilities before darling, I believe that they’re going to be useful to me.” You reached to the door, ignoring him as you slowly opened it.

His spiritual pressure still had a affect, so running was hard for you, but you were going to run like your life depended on it.

“Fuck fuck fuck..” You were a sweaty mess, your thighs still burned from the boiling tea, your legs were weak and failing on you.

You tried to run as far as you could, and when you thought you lost him—because he wasn’t chasing after you— you rested for a bit.

How were you going to report him? Would anyone believe you? Would he just use his complete hypnosis on you again?

“I really don’t see the point of running, you knew very well that I was going to find you quickly.” His voice sent shivers down your spine, unable to move once again.

You slowly turned around to face him, he somehow looked bigger than before, only frightening you even more. “Please..! captain Aizen.” You begged him to stop.

“Come, you were destined to be by my side. You’ll soon see that is your only faith.” He stepped forward, making you feel smaller than ever. “And if you scream, I might just have to kill you. Or maybe punish you. But we don’t want that to happen do we?”

You oh so desperately wanted to fight back, but what would be the point of it? He was going to successfully kidnap you in the end.

He smirked down at you, seeing you so helpless did something to him. He swiftly grabbed your collar, pulling onto it.

“Please! Let go of me!”

“I don’t want to be rough with you, so please don’t make me.”

He dragged you by the collar of your shirt back to his room, to keep you.

All to himself.

To help him pursue his plan.

And you had no choice.

You were going to help him and that’s that.

[ficnation]

Dead Girl Walkin'#2

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Female! Reader

Warnings: sickness, usual the walking dead themes

Word count: 1k+

A/n: Let's get into those flashbacks! Hope you enjoy it!

Main Masterlist || Daryl Dixon Masterlist

PREVIOUS CHAPTER || NEXT CHAPTER

Your sickness got worse. So much worse.

And you were all alone with it—until Daryl and Merle showed up.

At first, Daryl didn’t know why Merle bothered. He wasn’t the kind of guy to play nursemaid, and he sure as hell wasn’t the type to stick around when things got tough. But for some reason, he kept dragging Daryl back to that rundown trailer in the middle of nowhere, like it was just another stop on their endless list of bad decisions.

Being there for you was probably the best decision the two of them had ever made.

But it wasn’t.

And you let them in—not just into your house but into your life and heart.

Daryl didn’t get that either. You should’ve known better, should’ve realized they would only bring trouble and heartbreak. It never ended well with him and Merle around. Then again, Daryl figured you didn’t have much left to lose anyway.

You were getting worse by the day, skin paler than it had any right to be, bones jutting out where they hadn’t before. Every time he saw you, it was like looking at a ghost that hadn’t figured out it was dead yet.

And still, you smiled.

Even now, coughing up blood into a tissue, you grinned at them from your spot on the couch like it was just another Tuesday.

“At this point, the Grim Reaper must be scared of me,” you wheezed, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand. “Just doesn’t wanna show the fuck up.”

Merle let out one of those wild, barking laughs of his, shaking his head. “Shit, girl, I don’t blame him. You’re stubborn as hell.”

“Damn right.” You stretched, wincing, but you didn’t let it show too much. “I oughta start charging him rent if he’s just gonna keep circling and never really move in.”

Daryl didn’t laugh. He just stood there, arms crossed, watching you like you might disappear between one breath and the next.

Because you might.

Merle, either oblivious or just refusing to acknowledge reality, sprawled out in the recliner across from you, kicking his boots up on the coffee table. “So, what? You gonna outlive all of us just to spite that bony bastard?”

“That’s the plan.”

You and Merle grinned at each other like it was all some big joke.

Daryl didn’t think it was funny.

You were wrapped in that same old blanket you always had, the one with holes in it, the one you swore was perfectly fine even though Daryl had half a mind to steal it and replace it with something that wasn’t falling apart.

That night, when Merle was outside smoking and talking shit on the phone to some guy Daryl didn’t care about, he sat on the couch beside you. Not too close—just close enough to remind himself you were still here.

Your hands trembled when you reached for the glass of water on the coffee table. Daryl saw it before you could pretend otherwise and handed it to you instead.

You nodded in thanks, taking a slow sip before leaning your head back against the couch. “You’re quiet tonight.”

Daryl huffed, staring at a crack in the wall. “Ain’t got nothin’ to say.”

“Yeah, you do.”

He glanced at you, scowling. “No, I don’t.”

You smirked like you knew some big secret. “You get all quiet when you’re mad about something.”

Daryl looked away. He didn’t want to admit you were right. Didn’t want to admit that his heart skipped a beat because you noticed that little fact about him.

You sighed, running your fingers over the rim of the glass. “You don’t gotta be mad for me, y’know.”

He clenched his jaw. “Ain’t mad.”

You gave him a look, all sharp and knowing. “Bullshit.”

Daryl inhaled through his nose, tapping his fingers against his knee. His hands felt restless, like they should be doing something—fixing something, fighting something. But there wasn’t shit to fight. Nothing he could win anyway.

“I don’t like seein’ you like this.” The words came out rougher than he meant, but they were the truth.

You exhaled slowly. “I know.”

“Feels like…” He trailed off, frowning.

“Like what?”

Daryl shook his head, restless energy thrumming under his skin. “Like you’re just sittin’ here waitin’ to die.”

You didn’t look surprised by that. Maybe you’d already thought the same thing yourself. Maybe you’d been thinking it longer than he had.

After a long pause, you said, “I don’t think I’m waiting to die. I think I’m just trying to live while I still can.”

Daryl swallowed hard, shifting in his seat. “That ain’t much better.”

You shrugged. “It’s all I got.”

And maybe that was what pissed him off the most.

That you’d accepted it. That you weren’t fighting. That you were making jokes about the damn Grim Reaper instead of doing something.

He knew it wasn’t fair. Knew this wasn’t something you could punch your way out of. But that didn’t stop the anger from curling hot and sharp in his chest.

Didn’t stop him from wanting to do something.

You must’ve seen it written all over his face because you sighed and nudged his arm with your knee. “C’mere, Dixon.”

He frowned. “For what?”

You patted the couch beside you. “Just come here.”

Daryl hesitated, then shifted closer. You tugged the edge of your blanket over his lap and leaned your head against his shoulder like it was the most natural thing in the world.

Daryl froze, shoulders tense. “The hell you doin’?”

“Relax, would you?” You sighed, closing your eyes. “You feel like a damn rock.”

He let out a breath through his nose but didn’t move away.

“You ever just let yourself be still?” you murmured.

He didn’t answer.

You hummed, like you already knew. “You should try it sometime.”

Daryl stayed stiff for a long moment before slowly letting himself relax.

Just a little.

Your breathing was steady, soft—like maybe, for the first time in a while, you weren’t in pain. Like his presence was better than any painkiller you’d ever taken.

And for the first time in a while, Daryl let himself believe—for just a second—that maybe you’d still be here tomorrow.

If not for yourself, then for him.

[hederasgarden]

I'd be curious to hear about your Tom Ryder ideas 👀

I’ve got a few darker ideas brewing, but this one also popped into my head while driving home today. It’s more of an enemies-to-lovers arc (which isn’t usually my thing, but I’m on my period and my muse is wild today).

Here's a sneak peek!

Title: I only wish you the best (even though you're the worst) Pairing: Tom Ryder x F!Reader Summary: When you try to help salvage Jody's directorial debut from the whirlwind of bad press Tom Ryder’s been stirring up, you quickly realize you've gotten more than you bargained for.

“I’ll take the sea bass, veggies. No rice,” he orders, glancing at you. “I’m avoiding carbs,” he adds like you cared or asked. “You want a salad or something?”

You stare back at him, wondering if it’s possible to pop a blood vessel in his ridiculously pretty head through sheer force of will. Jody was going to owe you so much after this. You were already struggling to figure out how to make it through lunch with this asshole, let alone the next six weeks it would take to execute your plan and fix his public image.

“I’ll take the pasta,” you tell the waitress and after a second you smile, adding, “Extra garlic bread, please.”

Tom laughs, tossing an arm over the back of the velvet booth. "When Jody said she was sending some kind of political fixer to help, you weren’t exactly what I was expecting."

"I’m sure I’ll regret asking this," you mutter, "but what did you expect?"

"Some old guy. Ugly. But you’re actually pretty cute."

"I’m flattered," you reply dryly, reaching into your messenger bag to pull out the single-page sheet outlining your plan. Jody had warned you that Tom’s attention span was short, so you kept it brief and to the point.

“This is going to be your bible over the next six weeks,” you inform him. “You’re also going to cut out the drinking for the foreseeable future too. No more parties.”

“Goddamn,” he mutters, bringing the paper closer and reading over it with unexpected attention. “I can’t do this.”

“Just pretend you’re playing a role,” you encourage, fighting the urge to roll your eyes when you see his face scrunch up in consideration.

“What’s my character?” He asks you, leaning over the table and encroaching on your space. This close to him the scent of his cologne is heady, filling your senses and settling warmly in your chest.

“Someone who isn’t an asshole,” you say sweetly.

[idv-crescent-moon]

What crimes did he commit?

Canon

[I mean, he is in league with the church to get the Count for nothing other than the tome and is willing to wage war if necessary. Even on a human village that would (presumably) not do very well.]

[He tried to get the tome from embrace and sealed him in a coffin at some point. Highly doubt it was a nice experience.]

Headcanon

[Oh! And he did turn @ask-aesop ‘s exorcist into a vampire, playing saviour and then revealed himself to be a shitty master. Somewhere between uncaring and bullying him out of spite (and for entertainment ofc). Now, don’t you worry, Fluff and I are both in on it. We just love making our muses suffer and I am glad to provide a villain to their Sop to overcome ♥️ and to get some good homoerotic tension between enemies.]

[I did give him a backstory to explain his motivations but nothing so moving as to justify his actions. Though, knowing the idv fandom, that might not stop you.]

[All in all, I meant it when I said you can bully him without regrets. And anon did get a mean bitch for Christmas. I really hope the fact he is hot makes up for it.]

--- @sleepyfour

[koko2unite]

so many expenses this month and most of it isnt even for me :(

[shopwitchvamp]

Hi! I was the anon who asked if there's pictures of the joggers on plus sized people.

First of all no worries at all about not noticing the ask! Better late than never right? :D Second of all, completely understandable reason! Since you are a small company I bet there's all kind of things to keep you busy. Just please remember to not burn yourself out! That's more important than anything. Also the jester x wizard collection looks so frigging cool too, you're doing amazing job :D

Thank you!!!

Yeah there's only two of us doing everything, so it's a lot to keep up with at all times especially as our business has grown so much this year! But that's a great problem to have ☺️

Slowly but surely I'm passing more jobs on to my bf (he started helping me just last year, and officially working with me this year. Before that it was only me behind it all.) so that'll help free up time and brain space for me to work on things that aren't imminent survival tasks.

Also I appreciate everyone that's patient & understanding about things taking time. We live in such a fast paced world, but I am not at all a fast paced person, haha. I'll try not to push myself too hard to keep up with the world 'cause it's true, that's definitely a recipe for burnout and illness.

[aroaessidhe]

2023 reads // twitter thread

Into The Labyrinth / Facing The Shadow

2&3 in a middle grade fantasy trilogy about a 12yo girl who discovers she has the ability to enter a magical world in her dreams, and has to save it from darkness

while also dealing with anxiety, bullying, and friendships in the real world

set in Wellington Aotearoa

dreamrealm worldbuilding reflects the MC’s Māori/Chinese/Irish/Scottish heritage

aspec questioning MC

[nochepsicodelica]

"Turn off your phone, ma. Give me all your attention," Toji murmurs, behind you. His hand dips into the messily unbuttoned portion of your shirt and paws at your chest, while he kisses up the side of your neck. Soft and slow, wet little pecks to demonstrate how much he needs you and craves your focus on him after not seeing you for hours.

"Sorry, bear. People from work are being annoying," you explain, after sending another message to the group chat you have with your colleagues.

"When are they not? Dumbasses can't get shit done without you, but that's not your problem, right now," he says, undoing more of the buttons on your shirt. "You're not there, and you won't be there until the day after tomorrow, so turn off your phone and let those idiots figure it out on their own for once. They depend on you way too much, doll."

Toji hums, disapprovingly, when you start typing out another response. "If you don't turn it off, I will," he says, resting his chin on your shoulder. "You're off work. You're home with me. Get out of that work mindset, now."

You send the last message and give your phone to Toji.

"Good girl," he praises, taking the device out of your hand and turning it off. He puts it in his bedside drawer so that you can't get it until later. "Let me take care of you, baby. Lie down and just shut your brain off, for me," he instructs.

You do as he says and slowly make your way farther onto the bed, laying your tired head down on the pillow with a heavy sigh. "I'm exhausted," you puff out, folding your arms above your head and shutting your eyes. You could easily doze off like this.

"I know," Toji says, his voice low with the validation. He goes on to undo the last couple buttons of your shirt, and pulls the halves apart, exposing your torso. He leans down to press a kiss to your tummy, his gaze pinned to your face. He loves that soft smile that forms on your lips as he keeps going.

"Barely saw you today," he murmurs, against your soft skin. "Don't you know, that it's not just you missing me when I go to work? I miss you when you're gone, too." His knuckles graze the bare skin of your tummy, causing goosebumps to spread all over the area.

"You shouldn't overdo it with the help, ma. You gotta think about yourself, too. Would they do the same shit for you if you asked them to? Or would they all of a sudden have plans, or a dentist appointment that was scheduled six months ago?"

You sigh, frustrated, because one of those excuses was used on you just a few days ago. "I know..." you groan with all the exhaustion you feel in your body. "You're right, though. I'm not at work, anymore. I'm home, now, with you, and you're taking me out of the work mindset," you say, delivering his words back to him in a manner that lets him know that you believe it. That you trust that he'll bring you peace of mind after a day that lacked so much of it.

"Damn right. Just let me be good to you. You don't have to say anything else, right now. It's me and you."

He unbuttons your pants and pulls down the zipper. His fingers hook around the waistband and lower it.

"Lift your hips for me, baby," Toji requests, smoothly pulling down the waistband so that you can fully relax on the bed, again, after. The coolness of the room reaches your skin, eliciting more little pebbles on your skin, as he continues to roll down the material until your legs are entirely bared. He tosses the article aside and goes back to touching you with all the delicacy he can muster. His hands wrap around your calves, smoothly maneuvering around so that they end up on your shins, caressing the expanse in soothing motions.

You feel his lips on your knee, a couple kisses pressed to the area before he switches to the other one. His kisses trail higher up, following along the path of your thigh, then he switches off, again, giving your other thigh the same treatment. You keep your eyes shut all the while, feeling everything you receive from Toji in a heightened sense. You've entrusted him with your body. How he chooses to take care of it is entirely up to him for the moment.

His hands warm your outer thighs as he progresses towards your hips, then your lower abdomen. You can feel yourself growing more and more tired with every caress and every featherlight kiss brushed over your skin. It's all so soothing and you feel so safe. You feel like he's lifting a weight off your entire body, allowing you to release all the tension you feel, and clear your mind of what's stressing you out, even if it's only temporary.

"Sleeepy princess," Toji murmurs to himself when he peeks up and sees your chest rising and falling in a slow, steady rhythm. He places a couple more kisses on your tummy, nearing the bottom of your bra, before pulling away, with the intention of letting you rest.

"Wait... don't stop. Please," you mumble, tiredly. "You haven't kissed here..." you run your hand over the upper part of your chest. "...or here," you say, dragging it towards your neck.

"My bad, little lady," he says, with a soft chuckle. "Thought you were asleep, already." His hands land on your waist and mold around it, proceeding with calming up and down motions.

"It feels nice," you mumble. "Like I'm resting in a room full of clouds," you elaborate, with a comfortable sigh. "You're doing a really good job. I feel much more at ease. Thank you, baby."

"Don't worry about it, ma," Toji responds, quietly.

It feels good to hear those words from you. The roughness of his warm hands on your body doesn't bother you, neither does the feeling of his scar against your skin. They do the complete opposite for you. His hands reach for you and cradle you whenever they want to and you never deny or reject him. He's never felt the need to ask for permission to hold you, because you always receive him in such a warm and loving manner. It feels good to know that he is capable of making you feel better in this way.

Toji moves higher up your body, his palms planted on either side of you to maintain balance. He leans down to continue his rounds of kisses, now on your chest. Your hands go to the back of his head and gently bring him closer. It's an invitation for him to rest his body on yours, and he gladly accepts.

"You just love getting crushed by me, don't you?" He teases, as he positions himself so that both of you can be comfortable in this sudden arrangement.

"Mhm. The heated weighted blanket, human teddy bear combination can never go wrong," you respond. "Do you not like lying down on me?"

"Those words did not leave my mouth, did they?" He asks, placing a kiss on your collarbone.

"Are you thinking it?"

"No," he replies, the single word serving as a good enough response to end your doubts.

"Okay," you hum, quieting down after.

He smears some gentle kisses onto your neck, pressing the tip of his nose into the area where he smells your perfume strongly. He sighs, contentedly, at the familiarity and presses a few more kisses onto the space below it, before merely resting against you. It's as if he indulged in so much of your warmth and presence, that he managed to soothe himself while he was helping you wind down. He's in some sort of daze—like you unknowingly put a spell on him that just threw him into a state of serenity. He feels like he could just shut his eyes and get the best sleep in your embrace.

"Love you, bear," you murmur, slowly rubbing his back.

"Mm," he hums, another soft, relaxed sigh leaving his chest. "Love you, ma."

[honey-tongued-devil]

[Arcane preference]reacting to their s/o calling them husband/wife for the first time

I’ve finished the first chapter of the long fic about Universe 7 (Anytime it rains). As soon as my second beta reader gives me the okay, I’ll post it. While I wait, I’ve written the first headcanon (out of three I’m definitely planning to write and post in the next few days) and picked up the drawing of Steb I’d left unfinished. I’m slow, as usual, but English isn’t my first language, and I’m juggling a lot of things at once. Enjoy!

socials: | INPRNT | | Tip Jar | | X | | BlueSky | | Ao3 | poster: | Jayce poster | | Silco poster | |Silco +self insert poster 1| | Steb poster | if you want to read the fluff longfic with vander and his happy family + Silco x reader you can find it here! ↠ Masterlist

Jayce:

-This man is planning to put a ring on your finger as soon as possible, okay? -Between the academy, public appearances, and both theoretical and practical studies, there isn’t a single moment when he’s really in the right mindset to bring up the topic -The worst part is that, deep down, he’s terrified of putting pressure on you -That’s why, the first time he hears you refer to him as “my husband” during a gala with noble families, he almost chokes -He has to gather all his strength not to grab the interlocutor by the shoulders and ask if they also heard you say that word -He’ll try to keep his composure, maybe responding to your remark with, “Yes, exactly. Her husband really did say/do/design that.”

Viktor:

-It’s not a thought he’s ever really entertained; it never crossed his mind -Part of it is that science is his priority, and part of it is that marriage doesn’t seem like something meant for people like him, -The first time you call him “your husband”, that thought suddenly becomes real in his head, and he can’t help but lean against a wall and wait for the other person to leave -“So, I’m your husband now, huh? Mmm… I don’t mind, a bit pretentious, though…” he jokes, making you roll your eyes -Now, more than ever, he has no idea what to do. He’ll give you a bronze ring from a machine he’s building -“Until I can get one worthy of you.”

Ekko:

-Yes -That’s it -The end -Okay, seriously. The idea of being certain that something will last forever is probably his greatest wish -The first time you call him your husband, he doesn’t see it coming -“Wait, you’re married?” -“I was talking about you, Ekko.” -The moment you say it, he points to his chest, you see his lip tremble slightly, and his eyes grow shinier -He won’t stop talking about it for a week, and at least once a day, he’ll ask if you still want to marry him, if you’re sure, if you love him -No rings before S2; the promise is made by drawing something for each other on your masks and clothes -After S2, he still can’t afford a ring, but now that life is more stable, he can start thinking about a more traditional gift, like a piece of jewelry

Vander:

-This man is ravenous for any family role you might offer him—fiancé, father, husband. Anything goes -The first time you call him “husband”, he plays it cool but will seize the first opportunity to return the favor by telling a customer you’re married -As soon as he can, he’ll squeeze your hand, even under the counter -The idea of being married and having a complete family is everything he’s ever wanted -He won’t stop calling you “my beautiful wife/husband” from that moment on.

-You said it first; you can’t take it back. Now you have to get married

Silco (old man):

-This man’s only sin is loving too much, but I’ll save that reflection for another post -Having no ties other than his illegitimate daughter doesn’t make him someone who’s particularly keen on formalities -The first time you call him “your husband” is in front of Sevika, and he slowly turns to look at you, while she slowly turns to look at him -“Did I... miss something?” Sevika asks, but he doesn’t reply, still perplexed, before glancing at her and saying, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” -He’s relieved but doesn’t show it. He can’t afford to just yet -As soon as he confirms you were serious, your name will be flamboyantly forgotten—he’ll constantly refer to you as “my wife/husband”

Silco (young):

-The man who survives on love -The first time you call him your husband is in front of Vander, and while Vander bursts out laughing, Silco chokes on his drink -“Are you serious?” He’s so happy that his pale iris are completely swallowed by his dilated pupils -He grabs a pen and draws a ring around your finger -To his credit, he works in a mine, so it’s hard to do better than that, but it becomes the goal that keeps him going -Completely focused on family, the future, and anything that sees the two of you together and happy

Steb:

-The first time you call him your husband is at a dinner among enforcer families, and being mute doesn’t stop him from stealing the spotlight -He whips around, blinking slowly with only his third eyelid in a gesture of confusion -When he’s 100% sure he understood what you said, his eyes widen, the small membranes under his eyes flutter madly, and even the barely visible gills near his jaw gasp for a moment -Someone says, “I didn’t know you were married,” and he immediately nods enthusiastically, not giving you time to take it back -Within 48 hours, he’ll have the ring ready

Jinx:

-The first time you call her “your wife”, she freezes -“What did you just call me?” -She’s used to being a little sister, a big sister, a daughter—she’d never thought she could be a wife. Family ties aren’t chosen, but the idea that someone would want her in their life so much they’d marry her feels incredible -“You want to marry me? Really? Why?” -She bursts into tears, and it’ll take at least 24 hours of cuddling in bed to calm her down -After that, she’ll run to her father to announce that she’s now a married woman

Vi:

-She might not be Silco and/or Vander’s blood daughter, but she’s inherited their deep desire for family -From her family’s tragic fate to Vander’s, she’s always seen family as the ultimate aspiration -When you call her “your wife” for the first time, she doesn’t notice right away, but a full minute later, she whirls around to look at you, as if to ask for confirmation -“Say it again.” -“...You need to buy bread?” -“No, all of it.” -“My wife needs to go buy bread.” -“Again.”

-"My... wife?"

-"Again"

Caitlyn:

-Has she thought about it? Yes -Was she planning to act on it? Not exactly -Caitlyn struggles with emotions and feelings, which is why she hesitates and takes her time -But when you first call her “your wife”, her brain completely shuts off—she just stares at you, unable to hear a single word being said -If you or someone else asks her a question, she’ll snap out of it and respond, -“My wife/husband said everything.” Even if it makes no sense as an answer, making you laugh and leaving the other person baffled

Mel:

-Not a single flicker of surprise—the first time you call her “your wife”, she remains completely composed -“So, I’m your wife?” she asks as soon as you’re in private, approaching you like a feline. You can almost hear the purr in her voice -She’s amused but also intrigued by whatever game you’re playing -The idea of marriage is complicated for her—on one hand, it feels like it would limit her freedom to act, while on the other, unresolved family issues seem to devour her at the mere thought of starting a new cycle -She’ll tell you to go ahead, to get married, but she’ll also ask for time -In the meantime, though, she’ll start using the term “husband/wife” with you—she likes the way it rolls off her tongue

Sevika:

-Between the work she does, the environment she lives in, and all the interesting circumstances of her life, marriage has never been on her radar -Not to mention that in Zaun, it’s not exactly a common practice—people just move in together and build families when they can, without much fuss over formalities or bureaucracy -The first time it happens, she’s playing cards with the other goons, and you casually ask if “your wife is winning” -Her first reaction isn’t even hers—it’s the others’. Dustin, the blond goon with the lazy eye, almost starts crying, embarrassing her -Don’t worry, she’ll make you pay for it at home -She won’t ask to formalize anything, but in true Zaunite fashion, she’ll consider you married, plain and simple

[chahnniesroom]

night again

pairing: bang chan x female reader

summary: in hindsight, visiting chan's studio right before a comeback isn't one of your best ideas. what was supposed to be a pleasant surprise leaves you spiraling into self-doubt, wondering if chan even wants to be in a relationship with you at all.

word count: 6.4k

tags/warnings: angst, hurt/comfort, misunderstandings, insecurities, reader not eating due to stress

a/n: the long awaited 'he calls you clingy' fic! title is from the english translation of 또 다시 밤 (twilight)

read it on ao3 | masterlist

You love your job. It's challenging for sure and the expectations from upper management are often unforgiving, but you’re proud of how hard you've worked and everything that you've accomplished in the past few years at your company. 

As you've gained experience, you've slowly been given more and more responsibility. You've grown out of your junior role and though you're thrilled by the pay raise and prospect of being a team lead rather than being led by one, it's also daunting.

When you and your new team are assigned an important project with tight deadlines, you're determined to prove yourself. It's implied that you're going to have to have to dedicate a significant amount of time to finish it and while you're no stranger to long hours, it means that any plans you have of seeing your boyfriend, Chan, are out the window.

The timing is not terrible, Stray Kids has a comeback scheduled in about a week so you didn't think that you would be able to spend that much time with Chan anyway, but you usually try to surprise the boys at one of the music shows with a cake and some home cooked food.

Luckily, you've already been planning for this. Although nothing had been confirmed, you had expected that this project would be awarded to your company and you've already been trying to spend more time with Chan than usual in preparation for the busy season ahead for both of you.

Still, you can't help but agree with your best friend at work after she complains how little she's going to see her partner this month. Jinjoo doesn't know who your boyfriend is, but the two of you are close enough that you’ve shared that you have one and that work takes up a lot of his time. You've gushed to her about the sweet things that Chan has done for you and you've admitted that you think he's the one.

“You should bring him dinner sometime!” she exclaims when you mention you're not sure when the next time you'll be able to see Chan will be.

“Well, he’s really busy-” you start to say.

“That’s the beauty of it. I’m sure he would appreciate if you brought him food at work, especially if he’s anything like my partner and gets so caught up with work that they forget to eat sometimes,” she insists.

“That’s true.”

“Just trust me, Y/n. I wouldn’t be telling you this if I wasn’t sure that it’d work. My partner loves when I do this. It’s literally the perfect way to take some time for each other before you’re both too busy. Even if he's super busy, his work can't be bad enough that he’s not allowed to eat, right?”

You agree somewhat reluctantly. You're still unsure about whether or not Chan would appreciate you barging in unannounced, but it is a cute idea and Jinjoo's confidence is enough to convince you.

The next day after work, you head to the company and order takeout for a late dinner for you and Chan, picking it up along the way. It reminds you of earlier in your relationship before you had gotten your current position and when Stray Kids were just gaining popularity. Both of you enjoyed having more casual date nights that provided more privacy as opposed to going out to fancy places and it makes you even more excited to see his reaction.

About a year after you started dating Chan, he insisted that you get a pass to get into JYP Entertainment without having to fill out a visitor's form and have someone pick you up. It has definitely come in handy more than a few times, although you try to limit the number of visits you make. Even though you're allowed to be there, it still feels intimidating to be in the building, like someone is going to recognize that you're not an employee and accuse you of being a sasaeng.

Luckily the late hour means that you make it to Chan's studio without having to interact with anybody except the security at the door, who had waved you through without a second thought. You had double checked with Felix earlier in the day to make sure that Chan didn't have any schedules or dinner plans, so you directly knock on his door without texting or calling him beforehand. 

“Y/n?” he asks, a bit baffled when he sees you. “Did we- Did I forget that we had plans tonight?”

“No,” you say, a little nervous for some reason. It's just Chan, you tell yourself, but it doesn't make you feel any better. “I didn't think that you had dinner yet and wanted to see you.”

“Oh, I see. Come in,” Chan responds slowly, still processing your sudden appearance. “I just have something that I need to finish up-”

“It's fine! You can work,” you assure him quickly. “I don't want to interrupt you too much, I just wanted to drop by since I don't have plans and wanted to make sure that you're eating well.”

Chan’s studio isn’t messy at all, but he still gets up to clear some space on a side table for you, before returning back to where he has Cubase opened up. You pass over his food and feel relieved when he immediately digs in, but your appetite seems to have vanished, you can only get yourself to pick at your meal.

Chan is short with his responses all evening and continues to work on his laptop, even while eating. It throws you off a bit, you thought that he would be able to get to a stopping point and at least make a bit of time for you, but you did tell him that he could. Even so, you're determined to make the most of the last time that you’re going to see them for a while. You know they’ve been super busy the past few days, or more like the past few weeks, but still you had thought he would be a little bit more engaged or at the very least seem happy to see you.

Finally, after half an hour of eating with minimal conversation, you decide to broach the subject that’s been on your mind this entire time. Chan’s finished his food and you know that you won’t be able to get yourself to eat anymore, so you shuffle everything off to the side and inch closer to Chan. 

“You know that client we’ve been trying to work with for a while?” you start tentatively.

Chan hums noncommittally, continuing to type on his computer. Not quite the reaction that you're hoping for, but you forge on anyway.

“We got awarded the job! It’s a great opportunity for the company and everyone is really excited, but-”

“Y/n,” he interrupts. “I’m sorry, that’s amazing and all, but you know that it’s not a good time for me right now. I have something I really need to work on and now that you’ve finished eating, can we please not bother with the small talk?”

“Oh,” you say, a bit caught off guard. Chan has never been the type to cut you off when you're speaking. “No, yeah, I get it. Uhm. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, just-” he sighs, sounding frustrated. “Next time can you please ask me when you want to visit in advance so this doesn’t happen again? You chose the worst timing to come by. I just need some space, from all of… this,” he says, waving a hand between the two of you.

“Sorry, I know it’s a busy time, but I just wanted to see-”

At that moment, an alarm on Chan's phone goes off, interrupting you. When he turns it off and notices the time, he swears lowly, unlocking his phone and typing out a message to somebody. You’re scared to break the silence. Less than a minute later, someone knocks on the door.

“Come in,” Chan calls. When Changbin and Jisung step into the room, they eye you curiously. You keep your head down and try to prevent your hands from shaking as you stand and start to haphazardly shove away all your belongings and the garbage from your dinner into bags. 

“Noona, it's good to see you!” Jisung says brightly, although his smile dims when you make eye contact and can only manage to weakly return the smile. “Sorry for interrupting you two.”

“Hi Hannie,” you reply quietly, not wanting to make conversation, but not wanting to be rude.

“It’s okay, Y/n was just leaving,” Chan says, his obvious annoyance making things even more awkward.

You say bye to the boys quietly and apologise as you shuffle past them to the door.

The handles of the bag from your dinner are digging into your hand painfully and your purse can’t close with the way that you’ve thrown everything into it. You only take a few steps before you have to stop for a moment to save a container from falling and decide to put down everything and reorganise it all.

When you crouch down, you take a second to mentally berate yourself. Everything you had worried about had come true. Instead of being a pleasant surprise, you had come across as a nuisance.

In your rush, you hadn't fully closed the studio door behind you and you're close enough that you can just barely pick up the conversation that happens inside.

“Sorry,” you hear Chan say faintly. “I don't know what's been going on, but Y/n has been… really clingy these days. She just showed up today without asking and I hate-”

You leave before he has the chance to say anything else. You look like a mess for sure, you had just grabbed all the empty containers without bothering to put them back into the plastic bag, your jacket is partially dragging on the ground, and your purse is hanging off your elbow, having slipped off your shoulder. You're pretty sure you hear an empty drink bottle clatter to the floor behind you, but you don't look back to check.

You don't have it in you to care, you just need to leave.

Even waiting for the elevator feels humiliating, so you bypass it and stumble down the stairs. You dump the garbage into a bin on the first floor, not bothering to sort it properly, and step out onto the street, bee-lining to the nearest subway station.

The ride home passes by in a blur.

It hurts, of course it hurts. 

Honestly the reason that your relationship had worked out so far was because you weren’t the kind of person that needed a lot of attention. You understood that both of you were busy and were content to just exchange messages every couple of days because you knew how important Stray Kids was to Chan. Of course you did, they were just as important to you.

If Chan wanted space, well. You were more than capable of giving it to him.

In fact, your upcoming schedule had been the reason that you had wanted to meet up in the first place, the source of your so-called clinginess. You’d never been called that before. You were hyper-independent and tended to get lost in your own mind, easily distracted by different thoughts. It had gotten to a point that most of your exes had complained at least once about you being distant or inattentive.

With Chan, you had been determined not to be the same. It had been difficult at first, to make the effort to send messages throughout the day. You had to convince yourself not to spend too long drafting replies in your head and try not to worry that you were bothering him, especially if you knew that he had schedules at the same time that you were texting.

By the time that you make it to your apartment, your pain has faded into a mixture of resignation and numbness. You don't want to talk to Chan about how you feel, it's your clinginess that he didn't like in the first place, and you don't think you'll have time or the energy for a long, emotional conversation in the next few weeks anyway. If you keep your distance for a while, it just benefits both of you, you tell yourself. You won’t be a distraction to Chan as Stray Kids has their comeback and he won’t be one to you as you take on this new project. 

As much as you want to spend the rest of your night overthinking- something you’ve done more than you’d like to admit- you know that you have a busy day at work tomorrow. Feeling a bit like a zombie, you force yourself to shuffle through your usual nighttime routine, swallowing a melatonin pill before climbing into bed.

Normally, you would send Chan a good night message. Actually, normally you would have sent him a message the second that you arrived home. It was something that he was insistent on starting from early on in your relationship, wanting to make sure that you were safe.

Tonight, you just turn off your phone, plug it into its charger, and sleep.

—

In the morning, you allow yourself to wallow in bed for 5 minutes, before you get ready for work. You’ve never been good at eating breakfast and today’s no exception. Your stomach turns uneasily at the thought of food so you only force yourself to drink some water before you leave.

Your team at work has agreed to get to work earlier than usual just to get a headstart on everything. Though you’re more of a night owl, you’re grateful to find that deviating from your usual routine means that the subway is empty enough that you can find an empty seat, a luxury that you’ve rarely experienced.

It feels eerie to walk through the streets of Seoul when the sun has just started to rise and you’re relieved when you finally make it to your office.

Unsurprisingly, you’re one of the first to arrive. You’re grateful for the time that you have to unpack your things and make a much needed coffee before the rest of your team shows up.

“How did it go last night?” Jinjoo asks you excitedly when she comes in.

“Uhm, it was okay,” you reply noncommittally. “He was definitely surprised.”

“Oh,” Jinjoo pouts at your lack of enthusiasm.

“I mean, it wasn’t bad,” you backtrack, hating to see her disappointed. “It was just so short, he was kind of… busy. But that’s what I expected anyway so that's fine I guess. Thanks for suggesting it to me though! I really appreciate it.”

“That’s good,” Jinjoo brightens. “At least you got to see him one last time.”

“Oh yeah for sure! I think that after seeing him yesterday, it’ll be easier to deal with how busy we’re going to be for the next few weeks,” you say truthfully. 

It’s not a lie, you justify. For the first time since you started dating, you’re not looking forward to the next time that you’re going to see Chan.

You know that your communication is about to reduce to an all time low for the next few weeks, and while you had originally been worried about how Chan would react, now you’re thinking that he’s just going to be relieved not to hear from you. You’ve never thought yourself to have been overly chatty with Chan during the day though, preferring in-person conversation over texting and knowing that he’s generally not available to read your messages anyway, much less send you a reply. It seemed that you were wrong. 

Luckily your team now has to use a shared box that you’re required to put your personal phones into during working hours and only have a little bit of time during lunch and dinner breaks, if you take them, to fish them out. It’s a policy that your company enforces when teams are working on confidential projects and you can’t blame them due to past litigation that they’ve been involved in after a former employee leaked sensitive information.

For once, you're glad for this excuse to not look at your phone, even if you feel a little bit naked to look at the side of your desk or reach into your pocket and not have your phone there. You’re relieved to bury yourself in your work and forget all about your personal life. Even though your project is just starting, you feel like you're already behind. 

When you're finished work for the day and take back your phone, you find yourself reluctant to check your notifications. It's only when you're waiting for the subway to arrive at your station that you finally force yourself to take a look.

No new messages or calls from Chan.

You’re not sure what you expected, but somehow you’re still disappointed.

You get back to your apartment late, you had wanted to finish a couple of things before you left the office and it had led to you being one of the last to leave. You had also stopped by the convenience store closest to your place, not having the energy to cook anything for yourself.

You pick at your dinner half-heartedly. You're used to eating alone, Chan often had his meals at odd times due to his schedules, but tonight the silence feels more oppressive. 

It haunts you, the tail end of the overheard conversation. You have no idea how Chan was going to complete the sentence, but your mind unhelpfully fills in the blanks with worse and worse suggestions.

He hates the timing of your visit.

He hates that you visited at all.

He hates that he has such a clingy girlfriend.

He hates that you are his clingy, annoying, bothersome girlfriend.

He hates you.

In moments of clarity, you can recognize that it's not true. That's not the Chan that you know and he would never say something like that about anybody, least of all you. It's just hard when a small part of you has never really been able to believe that someone as talented and amazing as Chan would want to date someone as unremarkable as you.

You find yourself falling into a new routine, waking early, working overtime, and trying not to cry yourself to sleep. You succeed most of the time, you keep yourself occupied by thinking about work and you're so physically exhausted by your long hours that you fall asleep the second that you get into bed. Luckily, your coworkers are just as overworked as you are and it’s easy to blame your declining condition on the project. Weekends don't help you rest at all, you've committed to your manager that you can work on Saturdays and Sundays are spent completing the chores that you've neglected during the week.

You still talk to Chan sometimes, either right when you wake up or on the way home after work. The conversation is stilted though, both because of the long delays between messages when you text and the limited time that you have when you call. It's enough of a difference that Chan asks you multiple times if everything is okay. Even though you try your best to assure him that you're fine, just busy, you're sure he knows that something is off, although he doesn't question you further.

Most exciting is the day that the new Stray Kids album releases. You've already heard most of the songs for this comeback, perks of dating the member that's the most involved in the writing and production of the album, but it's different now that they're available to the public too. You make sure to organise your schedule so that you're on break when the music video drops and you send a number of messages in the group chat that you have with the group cheering them on. Usually, you try to take a day off to deliver some food to them at the music shows, but you've had to settle for arranging with one of their managers to treat them to a meal.

You can tell when they get breaks because when you check your phone after work, notifications from the members are all in the same blocks of time. It's mostly them thanking you, taking pictures of the food you sent, flowers that they've been gifted, and letters from fans. They have a short promotion period this comeback, but it's packed with different interviews, performances, and fanmeets. At one point, Felix even sends you a picture of Chan sleeping slumped over on one of the waiting room couches. As much as you're relieved to see that he's able to get some rest, the picture has your stomach twisting uncomfortably.

You're proud of Chan, of all of the boys. They've worked so hard and each comeback seems to be more and more successful. Even if you're not confident in what's going to happen with you and Chan in the future, you want to celebrate with them while you still can.

—

After almost four weeks, your project is nearing completion and you've never been more grateful to have a deadline arrive.

You only have a couple more days left until your last submittal is due and after getting off work, you want nothing more than to collapse into bed even though your stomach has been growling the whole walk from the bus to your building. You had caught a significant mistake in a document right before it was going to be sent to a client and the whole afternoon had been spent trying to fix it in time. Your team had just barely managed it, but your head has been pounding for hours and your whole body is tight with stress.

You’re not quite sure how you make it to your apartment, your exhaustion has made you clumsy. You struggle a couple times to enter in the code to unlock your door and trip over a pair of shoes that are scattered in the entryway.

You manage to catch yourself before you fall, then squint back. Yes, you haven’t had the chance to tidy your apartment in a couple weeks, but you’ve never been the type to leave your shoes on the walking path.

A light is on, further in your apartment. You know for a fact it wasn’t like that when you left this morning, it would have been obvious since you've been leaving before the sun rises. Someone else is here.

You stare at the light for a few seconds in disbelief, then slowly reach to grab something, anything that you might be able to use to defend yourself. Your shaking hands close around a full sized umbrella that you keep beside your closet. 

You’ve already made enough commotion that there’s no way the intruder didn’t hear, but you try to keep your footsteps light as you creep down the hall to where your kitchen is. It’s stupid to try and confront them, but the idea of someone in your space, potentially taking your things, is enough to inspire a sudden bout of bravery.

You hold your breath as you turn the corner, launching forward to attack the second that you see someone. You recognise the figure halfway through your swing, and though it’s too late to fully stop, you manage to pull back enough that they’re able to easily catch the umbrella before it hits them.

Chan wraps his arms around you then eases the umbrella out of your hands, resting it against the wall. You sag into his embrace, adrenaline draining away, leaving you exhausted again. 

“Chan?”

You've missed this. His warmth, his comforting scent, the reassuring steadiness that he always provides. You can almost pretend that everything is fine.

“Sorry for scaring you,” he says, sounding more amused than apologetic.

“You should be,” you grumble into his shirt. “I could have seriously injured you if I didn't realise it was you!”

“I don't think that was going to be a problem.” Even though you can't see Chan, you can hear the grin in his voice.

“Hey!” You lightly smack his arm. “You take that back!”

“Fine, fine,” Chan acquiesces, holding up both his hands in surrender. “I'm very glad that I didn't have to experience the full power of your self defence.”

“Yeah yeah,” you huff. “What are you doing here anyway? Other than trying to give me a heart attack, that is.”

“I made you dinner,” Chan says shyly, turning pink.

“For what?” you ask suspiciously. It's easy to fall back into the banter that you typically exchange with Chan, but you can't help but be a bit wary these days.

“No reason. I uh, just haven't seen you in a while,” Chan says sheepishly, scratching at the back of his neck where it’s now flushed red. “We had so much preparation to do and then all our schedules… Anyway, I wanted to surprise you, so I thought I could cook for us.”

Now that he's mentioned it, you can see that he's set your tiny kitchen table and that there's a couple of pots on the stove. Chan doesn’t cook often, but he’s expressed a desire to learn before and you’ve taught him how to make a few of your favourite recipes.

You stare at him for a moment, lost for words.

It's only been a few weeks, but you feel like you've forgotten how to act around Chan. Instead of a comfortable silence, it's almost awkward, neither of you knowing what to say.

“Oh,” you say finally, touched and still a little shocked that he's actually here. “That's- that's so nice, I just- is it okay if I wash up a bit quickly first?”

“No, yeah, of course. I'm sure you had a long day,” Chan says. “Go ahead, I’ll- the food should be reheated anyway so I’ll get on that. Take your time.”

You skirt around him to go to the bathroom, taking a moment to splash yourself with water. This feels like a bizarre dream and you wonder for a moment if you’re making this all up. But when you leave to go to your bedroom, Chan’s still there, puttering around in front of your kitchenette. You change your clothes slowly, mind racing as you try to puzzle together why Chan has decided to visit all of a sudden.

You eventually settle on the most logical reason that you can think of.

He’s finally decided to break up with you.

You’ve figured that this was coming for weeks by now, but somehow it still hurts. Instead of feeling resigned, it feels like you’re shattering into little pieces. You twist your work blouse into a tiny ball as you try not to cry, even though you know the fabric is going to wrinkle terribly. You finish cleaning up in a daze, already drafting what you're going to have to message your manager later. There's no way that you're going to be in any shape to work tomorrow if you’re right.

“Y/n?” Chan calls eventually. You know you're procrastinating leaving your room, but you want to put this off for as long as possible even though you know it’s just delaying the inevitable. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” you reply with a heavy heart. “I’m fine. I'll just be another second.”

You can tell that Chan doesn’t quite believe you. He hovers around you when you emerge from your bedroom, knocking away your hand when you try to pull out your own chair from the table.

He's set the table, going so far as to fold little napkins under your utensils. There's even a tiny vase with your favourite flowers as a centrepiece. All this effort just hurts more.

“You look exhausted. You got home so late. Where were you?” he asks.

“I was at work,” you reply stiffly. You know that if you try and say any more, your emotions are going to spill over and you're either going to scream or cry. Maybe both.

“So late?” Chan's forehead creases with some sort of emotion. You can't quite tell if it's concern or scepticism.

“You're not the only one that has a demanding job.”

“Y/n, you know that's not what I meant-”

“Sure,” you say. “Whatever, let's just eat. Thank you for the food.”

You don't want to deal with this. You're so tired.

You have no idea why Chan’s dragging this out longer than it needs to be. Why he’s forcing you to sit through a meal with him like he’s not about to break your heart. Chan is one of the kindest people you know, he’s probably trying to make this easier for you, giving you one last nice memory, but it just feels cruel.

Chan reaches out, stopping you before you can pick up your chopsticks. He stares at the way his fingers overlap each other around your wrist.

“You’ve lost weight,” he says quietly. You look away, watching steam curl from the bowl of rice that has been set in front of you instead of returning eye contact.

“I’ve been busy.” Is all you can say in response. 

You don’t want to tell him that you’ve been basically subsisting on iced americanos and various convenience store meals in part because of your work schedule, but mostly because of your lack of appetite. Every time you thought of Chan, it made your stomach turn and well, everything reminded you of him. You hadn’t realised how much it had actually affected your physical condition until now though.

“You're not taking care of yourself,” he scolds you. You can feel yourself bristle at his comment even though you know it’s true. “I haven't been around to take care of you either. I'm sorry.”

“Chan,” you protest. It has been weeks since you last saw him in person and you’ve spent more time that you’d like to admit micro analysing your relationship, but you still can’t make sense of his behaviour, especially how he keeps switching between criticism and tenderness.

“What?” he asks in genuine confusion.

“Why are you here?”

“I missed you,” Chan says, sounding hurt and confused. “I haven’t seen you in so long.”

“I just- I don’t understand what you want from me!” You run your hands through your hair in frustration. “One day you don’t want me around, we go weeks without seeing each other, then you’re at my place cooking me dinner? You said you needed space, I gave you space."

“Woah woah woah, what do you mean I don’t want you around?” Chan asks, alarmed. “When have I ever said that?”

“You made it pretty clear that you didn’t appreciate it when I went to bring you dinner that day,” you start.

“No, baby!” Chan stands up abruptly before you can say anything else. He falters when the loud scrape of his chair causes you to flinch back. He slowly walks towards you and kneels in front of you, reaching out to hold your hands in his. His eyes are wide with earnestness. “Of course I wanted to spend time with you. I always want to be with you.”

“So why did you call me clingy?” you ask in a small voice. Gone is your anger, replaced with a self-consciousness that you can’t hide. You look away as tears prickle your eyes.

Gently, Chan lets go of your hands and cups your cheeks instead, turning your face so that he can see you better. His thumbs swipe under your eyes, brushing away the tears that have managed to escape.

“Baby,” he says, sounding even more upset and angry than you feel. “I'm sorry. Did someone tell you I said that?”

“Nobody had to tell me, I heard you say it myself!” you burst out, pushing Chan away. You know that you’re being dramatic, that you keep oscillating between different emotions, but you don’t care. “That day, in your studio, you told Han and Changbin that I was really clingy.”

“You heard me talking to Binnie and Hannie?” Chan asks slowly.

“I didn't mean to eavesdrop,” you sniffle. One of Chan's hands shifts and he carefully tucks behind a lock of hair that has fallen in front of your face. The gentleness makes even more tears well up.

“It's okay, I think I know what you overheard now. It must have hurt, right?”

You can't muster up a response, choosing instead to just nod slightly.

“I’m sorry, I'm sorry,” he soothes you. “Can I explain myself?”

You pause for a moment, then slowly nod again.

“I don't mind that you're clingy, actually, I like it. I shouldn't have used that word. I like that you want to spend time with me, Y/n,” Chan says carefully. “I like that you take time to visit me, even though I know that your work is busy too. I think that it's cute and thoughtful that you think of me and try to take care of me by bringing me food. I know that you intentionally take the time out of your day to text me because you know that I like hearing from you, even though I might not see it or respond right away.”

Chan pauses for a second and you use it as an opportunity to pull away slightly. His hands tighten briefly, before he lets them fall away, giving you the space to process.

It's not that you don't like what Chan is saying, it's just hard to reconcile it with the thoughts that have been eating away at you for the past few weeks. You still don't understand what you overheard though, how it fits into all of this. When you voice your concerns to Chan, he sighs, before continuing to speak.

“I don't know what I did to have someone as caring and thoughtful as you in my life.” You want to protest, but Chan carries on before you can say anything. “It's just that- you visited me without notice and were the sweetest person in the world. I wanted to spend time with you, believe me, I did, but I can't just ignore my deadlines when the rest of the members are relying on me. It makes me feel like garbage when I can’t give you all my attention. That's the thing I hate the most. That I can't be the boyfriend that you deserve. That I can't show you how much you mean to me the way that I want to.”

It makes sense, in some sort of twisted way. You know that similarly to you, Chan often feels insecure. It had taken a while before you had been able to convince him that you really did want to be in a relationship with him even with all of the difficulties that were associated with being an idol. You hadn't realised that your visit had fed into his worries that he wasn’t enough.

“I didn't know,” you say quietly. “I'm sorry.”

“Hey, I didn't tell you how I was feeling and that's on me. I’m the one that’s sorry, you have no reason to be. I should have been clearer about what was going through my mind and it wasn't any excuse for the way that spoke to you. Even if I wasn't at my best, I can't believe that I made you feel like I didn't want you to be around.” Chan shakes his head and you can tell that he's beating himself up about it. This time, you're the one that reaches out to him, grabbing one of his hands in both of yours.

“I am sorry that I put you into that position, though. I got caught up in the idea of how fun and romantic it might be, that I didn't give enough consideration to your schedule. Even though I wanted to surprise you, it would have been better to check with you beforehand. I don't ever want you to have to feel like you have to choose between me and work.”

“It was a really nice surprise,” Chan agrees. “I wish that I hadn't been so wrapped up that I wasn't able to enjoy spending time with you. I really hated not being able to see you these past few weeks.”

“It was really hard for me too,” you admit.

“I missed you so much. I missed your beautiful voice, hearing your laugh, seeing your smile. I missed all the texts that you usually send, they make me feel like I'm not as far away, that I'm a part of your day too. You kept saying that everything was fine and- I know it's hard for you, especially during comeback periods when I'm not as responsive. I didn't want to pressure you into messaging me more often if I'm not able to do the same.”

“No, it's not that. It doesn't bother me. Work was, is still really busy for me,” you explain. “I was trying to tell you that day, but-”

“But I basically shut you down,” Chan realises. He laughs bitterly. “I’m just the worst, aren't I? No wonder you were so confused by why I was here.”

“I thought you were going to break up with me tonight,” you whisper. Chan looks devastated by your statement.

 “No- you know I wouldn't-” Chan stumbles on his words in his haste to correct you.

“I don't think that anymore,” you reassure him. “I understand everything now, it was just that we didn't communicate well and I assumed… It's okay, we're together now, this won't happen again.”

“I promise that I will make it up to you. I love you and I will prove it to you in every way possible. And I'm going to start right now. You still haven't eaten yet, please go ahead.” Chan moves back to his abandoned chair and doles out a portion of the stew from the pot that's on the table. 

“I am really hungry,” you confess. Your stomach chooses that exact moment to growl loudly and the two of you can’t help but burst into laughter. 

Just like that, it feels like things are back to normal.

You know that there's still more that you and Chan have to talk about. The two of you have only scratched the surface on your insecurities, communication, and how those things led to such a significant misunderstanding.

But tonight, it's enough that you get to share a meal with the man that you love.

read it on ao3 | masterlist

[w0nderland]

,