#I do like the triangular theory of love

[dribs-and-drabbles]

This was going to be a post only about shoes as a gift for @respectthepetty...but then Pet made this post about graphic designers understanding the assignment and my thoughts started spiralling. I'll come back to the title cards and colour-coding later...but first, SHOES!

If you've been following me for a while, you'll know I pretty much lose it when I see a Thai character wearing the Mustard yellow-soled shoes (I really need to buy myself a pair). It started with Pat, Pran, and Pa in Bad Buddy...

...but the shoes have also been worn by Win and Lin (in Cupid's Last Wish), Tinn and Gun (Our Skyy 2 x My School President), Jeng (Step By Step), and most recently, Zo in Hidden Agenda.

But this isn't the point of the post. No.

My gift to Pet is my recent discovery that Joke in Hidden Agenda has shoes with BLUE soles.

I have yet to find them online but I haven't given up yet. I mean, look at them (I need a pair of these as well):

I had noticed the little pop of red on the heel during the airing of the show and thought it was a nice little nod to the red and yellow theme, but the discovery of the blue and Pet's insightful post I mentioned earlier has got me questioning.

Because I know the red and yellow theme was emphasised with the roselle and chrysanthemum juices, and the stories of the red roses and yellow sunflowers...and I know Pet has already written an outstanding analysis of the use of these two colours plus the blue and how they connect to the triangular theory of love...BUT I can't help looking at this

and wonder if this graphic designer also really understood the assignment.

Like, really understood

Really

Definitely

Understood

Because despite the red, I wonder if we do have singular colour-coded characters, with Joke being a loyal blue boy and Zo a yellow yal.

On Zo's practice date, he's painting in yellow with the yellow water in front of him but Joke has blue water in front of him despite painting green (in their play-fighting Joke threatens to throw the blue water over Zo). Joke also wipes the green on his face - a combination of these two colours.

After the date-that's-not-a-date, Zo decides to leave for a few days and takes both these colours with him (and, he soon accepts, Joke as well).

And when they meet Uncle Yod the hotel owner he's wearing their merged colours.

To Joke, Zo's face looks like the sun. He feels comfortable and warm around him. Zo thinks Joke should learn to generate that warmth for himself. Warm and cold.

Zo struggles with Joke's sincerity (just like they struggle to get the blue bus moving), even whilst wearing the blue shirt (with the yellow detail below the collar).

And even though Zo wears red once (and pink a few times), he wears blue several times. (I don't think I remember seeing Joke in red at all). And we get a colour exchange, with both of them in front of green backgrounds.

And finally, despite going home to his very red family, Joke has blue over his heart and Zo is finally embracing his yellow.

I'd very much like to posit that these are their true colours, that they've been carrying in their soles souls the whole time but maybe hiding them because they weren't fully sure of themselves or each other. Because when looked at like this, the graphic designers really did follow the assignment.

[miwiheroes]

Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love + Stranger Things Couples

This is very different from my other posts on here, but I was inspired by @hawkinsschoolcounselor to make this. Just wanted to give this tag some of my own insight from a Psychology student's perspective, specifically talking about the Triangular Theory of Love (TTL) in relation to couples (whether they are platonic or romantic or not) on Stranger Things. I'm not here to say that the Duffer Brothers specifically took inspiration for their couples from this theoretical model, just that this is one of the many theoretical models of relationships that can be applied to how people view love. Therefore, a writer would have written real life people's experiences of love into the show.

(Just want to quickly add -- this theory was made in the 80s. The most common criticism of this model is that it is made on the basis of westernised ideals of love. It also does not take asexuality or aromanticism into account.)

First of all, an Introduction to the TTL:

Imagine yourself a triangle. Every triangle has three sides. Each side of this triangle is an essential component to love. It’s the combination of these elements that creates the different types of love we experience.

First, we have Intimacy, which isn't your classic physical intimacy that you know (e.g. hugging, kissing). It's basically the emotional side of love. Can you tell this person your deepest secrets? Can you trust them? Do you two have similar interests? Can you have a laugh? Intimacy is what makes us feel understood and accepted for who we are.

Next, is Passion, which is the fire, the spark, the physical attraction that ignites the magnetic pull between two people. The chemistry, the electricity, you could say. We feel this at the beginning of most relationships, that intense desire to be with someone, emotionally and physically.

Lastly is Commitment. This is the decision to stay, to continue even if something changes. This can be for various reasons like investments you've made in the relationship, the promises you've made to someone.

Each of these components are associated with a certain type of love.

Nonlove -- This relationship has neither intimacy, commitment, or passion. You are acquaintances with this person.

Liking -- This relationship has intimacy only. This is a friendship, without commitment or passion that a romantic relationship has.

Infatuation -- Only has passion. It's exciting, overwhelming, but there's no emotional connection, trust, or commitment.

Empty -- Only has commitment. The relationship is stable and safe, but has no real connection or passion that it may once have had or never had.

Companionate -- This relationship his intimacy and commitment, but it does not have passion. This could be a very close friend, or a couple that may be in love but do not have physical attraction to one another.

Romantic -- You are intimate with this person and have passion with them, but you are not yet committed. For example, a partner that you've been dating for a short time.

Fatuous -- The presence of passion and commitment, but without intimacy. For example, two people who barely know each other can get married super quick on a whim.

Consummate -- Is the 'ideal' love. This is the complete, balanced love we all strive for. It’s a mix of deep emotional connection, physical attraction, and a strong, lasting commitment.

So how does this relate to Stranger Things?

I do believe we can sort of apply these definitions of love to many different duos in ST, and see what this means for them in the future. Love can also be different on either side, for example, on side of the duo may see passion in their love, while the other side sees none.

BTW you may notice that I'm not going to include Byler or Mileven in this first list, I will diagnose them after all the other duos in the show. So scroll down if you want to only see them.

Nonlove

This would be a duo from ST that really has no interaction with each other. No commitment, no emotional connection, no physical connection. I guess we can just pick people who've barely had an interaction, like Steve and Will. Eddie and Hopper. Mike and Robin (not yet anyways).

Liking

E.g. Joyce and Murray, Mike and Lucas. Just friends, but they are friends enough that they have believable closeness and an understanding of one another. More examples include all the party's friendships with each other (except Mike and Will). I don't want to really dumb them down into not being committed toward each other, but we can see that they're not dependent on each other in a way that's got more emotional depth than some other platonic duos in the show.

Infatuation

The only notable one that I can think of here is Stancy, more specifically on Nancy's side. This means she only has passion with him, aka, physical attraction. She's not intimate with him (in this model's definition at least). This model's definition of intimate means sharing deep secrets and trusting each other. During S1, Nancy's reason for being with Steve was because he was popular and she was just excited to be with the most desire guy in high school. She didn't confide in him about her emotional turmoil, she didn't understand his decisions and he didn't understand hers. In S2, this is the same. The only time that she confronted him was when she was drunk, other times she didn't feel he understood her enough like Jonathan did.

She also wasn't committed to him, which makes sense, because she had a far more emotional intimacy with Jonathan.

Empty

The first one that comes to mind ^. Obviously, this isn't necessarily fully in line with the psychological definition of 'Empty love', because Karen is not fully committed to Ted in S2 or S3, but ultimately she does make the decision not to cheat on her husband because of her commitment to her family. They have no intimacy and no passion (Ted's bed is literally downstairs). This is one of those relationships where people don't even have to ask why they don't get a divorce -- because they're too committed, which is their downfall.

Companionate

I believe Steve and Robin are different to those friendships in the 'Liking' category. They have intimacy, because they confide in each other and understand each other on a deeper level. But they're also committed to each other in a way that the other platonic duos don't have. They go where the other goes -- (they always need to have the same job together), and other people already think they are a couple (based on heteronormativity but also because they're seen together so often). They obviously have no passion, because uh well, their physical attractions lie elsewhere.

Romantic

I couldn't think of anything that just fitted only intimacy and passion and no commitment, most of the couples on ST basically have commitment if they also have the other two.

Fatuous

Without intimacy, but only commitment and passion, this is a super rare kind of love, and probably not represented in Stranger Things. If anyone has any idea of what could be in this section, please let me know.

Consummate

The ideal love, with intimacy, passion and commitment, is luckily represented by most of the canon couples in Stranger Things. This is how you know that the writers are good at writing believable romances -- you don't need the characters to explicitly state that they are in love for you to know, because they have all three of the staples for an ideal love.

Jancy has intimacy because they can tell each other secrets and they understand each other's emotional traumas (Jonathan understands Nancy's trauma surrounding Barb, for example. As a wise man once said, they have shared trauma). The biggest reason why they definitely have this love to me, though, is because the moments that they have the most trouble in their relationship is when one of these sections breaks down. AKA -- intimacy was broken down in S3 when they 'don't understand each other' anymore, and they were able to come back from this, showing their commitment. Season 4 also shows their commitment, because while Nancy was being sweet talked to by Steve (ugh sorry), she still stayed committed to Jonathan, same on Jonathan's side. Despite being in a different state, he still made all his decisions based on her future as well as his, showing they were committed.

Jopper has intimacy because she feels that he understands her more than anyone -- he met her in high school and clearly have both shared memories and shared trauma. They trust each other with sensitive information about each other's lives, and are able to confide in each other when the other is going through something. The commitment is shown deeply in Season 4. Joyce's commitment is quite literally shown in almost crashing in a plane for him and trying to break him out of prison. Hopper's is the plan he makes to break out and go see her. Their passion well.... that is also shown in the way Hopper continues to pine for her in S3, giving her longing looks, but also in S4 because this desire has a pay off.

Okay so now we can talk about which categories Mileven and Byler fit into:

Mileven and Byler

Lets' start by looking at each of the three components:

Mileven's Intimacy:  In the beginning of Season 1, Mike has emotional understanding with El, but this is gone by the time Season 4 rolls around. She explicitly states to him "No. You don't." He also finds no time to express his insecurities about his relationship with her actually with her, instead choosing to confide in Will about his insecurities. On El's side, she chooses to lie to Mike about having a really hard time in California, because she does not have the intimacy with him to feel like she can confide in him. There is a reason for this, obviously, and that is because she feels insecure about their relationship. But instead of communicating that, she chooses to ignore it. When Mike finally chooses to tell El about his 'feelings', even if they are true, he is only spurred on by Will alone, not by his own desire to do it. Whenever Mike tries to actually tell El what he's feeling, he ends up trying to do it in other ways in order to avoid it. Their scenes where they're about to open up to each other are either interrupted or extremely frustrating.

Byler's Intimacy: Will has always chosen Mike to talk about his problems with. He says to him in the 'crazy together' scene that Mike can't tell the others because they won't understand, showing that they have a unique kind of intimacy. Will also chooses to confide only with Mike about his problem with D'art in S2, because the situation is slightly icky (because D'art was literally inside him ig) and trusts only Mike with this situation. This is the same as the situation at the end of S4, where Will knows it would be scary for anyone else to hear, but he's happy to tell Mike about Vecna being alive. Luckily, Mike is ready to jump into action at the drop of a hat in both situations. Mike's intimacy with Will is the sheer amount of heart-to-heart scenes they have in S4. He's always ready to tell Will about his relationship problems, but not El (and no, not just because she's in the lab). He's more comfortable around him than El. All Mike and El do is make out (in S3), have some slight banter, but they don't actually have any shared interests. Mike and Will both have the shared interest of all things nerdy, and Mike finds Will's artwork moving and amazing. Mike has been shown to have an appreciation for what Will creates.

Mileven's Passion: I guess it's slightly awkward to talk about this kind of stuff with either Mileven or Byler, because they are teenagers. But teenagers obviously experience physical attraction and desire. The reason we can see this desire in other couples is because they have a lot of build up. Jancy have desire because they've been kept from each other because of Steve and Nancy being together. Jopper have been kept from each other because of Joyce's relationship with Bob and her grief, then Hopper being kept in jail (though that's not to do with romance). Lumax have been kept from one another because of Max refusing to get help from others. There was no pining, desiring moment with Mileven. And I know what people might say: Season 2 and Season 3 had moments where they were kept from each other and it was shown that Mike wanted her back. Oh? You mean the Mike that gave up on calling her and focused on Will until El reappeared again? You mean the Mike that joked around with Lucas after El broke up with him and played himself as the victim? It's not the same, because it has no pay off like the others. The maybe-pay off is the 'passion' of them making out in S3, constantly getting interrupted by some funny old guy haha!. As Hopper said, too much passion is 'not normal, not healthy'. This passion has Mike pulling her hands away from him and is just presented as humour/puberty-ridden teens figuring themselves out. Idk man

Byler's Passion:  Ignoring the fact I feel so weird talking about this, let's just reiterate some of the points I brought up to you in the last paragraph. All other main couples in ST have had a moment of unambiguous pining. Jopper, Jancy and Lumax. This is also the case with Byler, clearly, from S4, Will's pining for Mike can be seen as him wanting something. Have you seen those longing looks, marked by sweet, pining music? Those scream attraction, even though some of you might be allergic to two teen boys showing attraction to each other but are totally fine with 13 year olds making out. Those are just Will's pining moments. I mean, I can talk at length about Mike's slip ups. The triple take? The amount of lip glances on this man? It's hard to say at the moment whether they have passion in this relationship, but the thing is. We don't need to have it right now. All we need to know is that there is potential for it, potential for an amazing pay off where Will confesses his feelings. And from the amount of pining Will's shown (and Mike in a lot of ways), there definitely is potential.

Mileven's commitment: So this is where they actually have something. But that's not necessarily a good thing. Mike is the first person that treats El well after being stuck in an abusive lab for the first 12 years of her life. He made a promise to her that he would take care of her, and they both stress that Friends Don't Lie. They don't want to lose each other. Mike tells Will and El that he doesn't want to lose her and wants her to need him. This is not the same as romantically loving somebody. Mike's feelings shift during S2 and S4, but his commitment to El overrides everything. El wants to break up with him because of various reasons, and says that he is her 'first boyfriend' during S3. But they still stay together despite the troubles in their relationship, showing that the commitment is not something they want but something they need in order to feel secure. We have established they have no intimacy, we have established they have no passion. So why do they stay together? Because of the security, or some other reason. We have seen that Mike doesn't love El during S4 because he describes 'explaining himself' to her, while also not knowing what to say when she spells it out for him. We have seen how Mike treats El poorly, and the other way around. They lie to each other, they don't confide in the other. But they stay together because... they've made a promise, a commitment. Mike says I love you because she's going to die and believes it's what she wants. Even if this commitment was supposed to be genuine and pure, it can't be worth rooting for without intimacy and passion.

Byler's commitment: Will states many times that he will always be Mike's friend, always need him, wants to be with him for the rest of his life, playing games in his basement. That is the most obvious sign of commitment I have ever seen. He is so committed that he is willing to sacrifice his own feelings in order to make Mike happy, effectively tying himself to his love forever. Mike is committed to Will in his own way. He is always the one to apologise and take the fall in their arguments, while with El he is not committed in that way. When Will is away from Mike, he's worried that he's lost him. Basically this means Mike is afraid that Will isn't as committed as he is to their friendship. It's funny because Will has the exact same worries during the Rink o Mania fight. But that's the irony. They are both committed. Mike's commitment despite the distance is shown through his fear of losing Will. Will's commitment to him despite the distance is through his painting. No matter what, Mike is always ready to be a team with Will and work with him. Even while they were supposed to be fighting, Mike confides in Will. And Will? A huge part of Will's arc is his undying commitment towards Mike, which makes his scenes with Mileven so upsetting -- because we know his love will never end, meaning his sadness won't end unless Mileven break up.

So what's the diagnosis?

Mileven: Empty Love (Only commitment to each other. There is no show of emotional understanding and connection. The passion and pining for each other is not shown like with other ST couples.)

Byler: Consummate Love (Has all three elements. Both have a mutual understanding to each other's needs, both have a mutual pining, even though it's much easier to see on Will's side. Both have a commitment to the other in their own way. All other popular ST couples have this love and would fit in with Byler's)

Im so scared to post this because it's so different from my other posts. But hopefully you see that even if Byler is not endgame, Mileven being endgame would not be a true show of 'love defeats all' -- because it is not a healthy love. 

[ohtobeleah]

Was It Over? // Jake Seresin

-> Chapter Twelve: [Bring Me The Horizon]

Summary: After Jensen and Jake finish their face-off, you tell Jake how it is. He practices the art of holding himself accountable for his actions, and you get a call that would send you into a downward spiral. Putting you in jeopardy right before your surgery.

Warnings: MAIN CHARACTER DEATH Sick!reader. Breast cancer diagnosis. Jake Seresin x F!reader. Angst, hospital & medical inaccuracies. SLOW BURN ROMANCE/ Inaccurate medical information. Relationship turmoil. Mentions of religion. JEALOUS JAKE!

Word Count: 5.1k

Author Note: WOW and we’re back baby. Another year has passed us by and we are finishing this series. Strap in for the final three episodes of this roller coaster of a series. You never know where we might just end up.

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

The triangular theory of love is a theory developed by Robert Sternberg. In the context of interpersonal relationships, the three components of love according to the triangular theory are, intimacy, passion, and a decision/commitment component. For Jake, he felt like love was more than just a triangular theory. Love is all-encompassing in every aspect of life. And if you look closely, love can be seen all around us in all different forms. 

“Bradshaw, now’s not the time man,” Jake sighed as he made his way back down the hospital hallway to your room, walking with his shoulders down and his ego battered and bruised. “I gotta fix an issue and my head’s not–” Before Jake could finish his sentence, Rooster interrupted with a crucial question he needed answered now. 

“How is your mother gonna react when I show up to take your kids?” The genuine concern in Bradley’s voice was clear enough for Jake to stay on the line as he walked. “Do I need to be concerned about her calling the cops?” 

“Dude,” Jake groaned to himself in frustration as he walked with purpose down the hall. He could feel his rage and frustration bubbling to the surface with every step he took. Who did this Jensen guy think he was? Who did Jake think he was? You didn’t ask for any of this and you definitely didn’t deserve his tantrum before. “She’s not gonna call the cops on you, just tell her to call me if you have any issues and get Jas to help you.” 

“Your mother is a terrifying woman–” Rooster added, just to rub salt into Jake’s already existing childhood wounds. 

“Well, at least she’s alive.” Jake had never regretted a sentence more in his life. The second he realised what he’d said and who he was speaking to, his heart fell straight out of his arse. “Bradshaw I didn’t mean–” Before Jake had a chance to speak, before he had a chance to explain that he wasn’t talking about Carole—he was talking about you—the line went dead. 

“Fuck!” Jake looked at his phone screen to see the call had indeed been ended. He felt the panic inside his chest. The guilt. 

Jake had developed a pretty uncanny ability to fuck things up. He couldn’t help himself at the moment. He was having a hard time regulating his emotions. It never had been his strong suit, but now it was worse than ever. Perhaps the idea of losing you forever was the cause. Jake couldn’t accept the possibility that there was a good to fair chance you might not walk away from this fight. 

But he could see the bottom of your bed again and where your feet were underneath the breathable hospital blanket that did nothing to keep you warm. With every step Jake took in the hall, he got closer and closer to where he’d left you. And with every step he took he tried to formulate an apology that would reflect his utter sorrow. His pain. His guilt. You were the first person that deserved an apology for Jake’s actions. Bradley would just have to wait. 

In hospitals, people see addiction every day. It’s shocking how many kinds of addiction exist. It would be far too easy if it were just drugs, alcohol and cigarettes people were addicted to. The hardest part about kicking an addiction is wanting to kick it. I mean we get addicted for a reason, right?

Often, too often, things start as a normal part of your life and at some point, cross the line into obsessive needs, compulsive out of out-of-control desires. It’s the high people chase. The high that makes everything else…fade away. But nothing could make Jake Seresin fade away. Nothing so far had helped you kick the addiction. Not even when you left. 

The harsh reality about addiction is it never ends well. Because eventually, whatever it is that was getting you that high…stops feeling good and starts to hurt. So when the very person you were addicted to walked back into your hospital room, the hurt started all over again well and truly after the high had died down. 

“Okay,” Jake stopped in his tracks when he saw that look in your eyes. Although a sense of calm washed over him the second he saw you again, he knew he was probably the last person you wanted to see after the way he behaved before. “I recognised I’m in the wrong here.” It was the look he wished he’d never been on the receiving end of again. A look of disappointment mixed with anger, hatred, and, above all, sadness. “I owe you an apology.” 

“No thanks,” The tone you conveyed was sinister. There was no warmth. No love. No room for compassion or empathy. “I’m not interested in another empty apology.” You didn't even look Jake’s way. You just continued on with the little word finder you had picked up in Jensen and Jake’s absence. “If you’re done swinging your dick around in the hall like a psychopath, I need to rest.” 

Jake was stunned. He wasn’t sure how to respond. He knew he deserved that. He knew he’d taken things too far. He knew he’d flown over the handlebars the second Jensen stepped into your room. But it was all out of fear of losing you. Why couldn’t you see that? Jake felt as if he could stand right in front of you and you’d look straight through him. 

“Honey, don’t be like that,” Jake sighed as he took a few steps towards your bedside. The bouquet Jensen had brought you was lying haphazardly on the little bedside cupboard. “I shouldn’t have acted the way I did alright, I know, and I promise you I’m trying here.” Jake sighed as he looked at the flowers another man had gone out of his way to buy you. A dying man. 

A dead man walking. 

“I’m glad you’re self-aware,” You replied yet again without paying any mind to Jake’s whereabouts in your room. “Never really was your strong suit.” You murmured just loud enough for Jake to hear your mild insult. You could have said it louder, hell, you should have. But regardless of Jake’s actions…he was an addictive drug. One that made it incredibly hard to kick the habit. One you knew you’d go back to. One you wished loved you the same way you loved him. 

“Jensen knocked some sense into me,” Jake tried his best to explain all the while he tried to hold back the lump in his throat. The kind of lump that brought tears and panic attacks with it. “He was kind enough to set the record straight.” 

“You understand how big of a piece of shit you have to be to say what you said, right?” It was the first time your tone had changed. There was something beyond painful in the way you spoke. Something Jake had tried time and time again not to be the cause of. Heartbreak. Betrayal even. “You jealous, insecure man.” 

For a second, Jake absorbed the blow. He took it on the chin like a champion because nothing you were saying was wrong. He was scared of losing the love of his life in a way that wasn’t just through marriage. 

“I know,” Jake replied as he picked up the bouquet and looked around. He was looking for somewhere to put them. Somewhere to display the beauty that they emulated. Beauty that reflected you. Where could he get a jug or something to put these in? “I don’t have an excuse to give you, honey,” Jake was trying his best to stick to the honesty is the best policy crap he’d been taught as a child. “I’m just, I got so worked up when he came in here knowing more about you than I did and–” 

“Jensen is a friend from group therapy,” You explained yet again. “And this is the last time I’m gonna say it before I let you run off with whatever version of a warped reality you wanna believe but I swear, there isn’t anyone else.” You sat up a little straighter in your bed as you closed your find-a-word book. “I have cancer, Jake. In what world would anyone want me?” 

“You love her, don’t you? You’re in love with my wife, say it.” Jake could hear himself asking the all-important question. He could see himself standing in the hall with the man who had selflessly intertwined his life with yours in order to make you feel less alone in the world.

“Maybe–” Jake vividly heard Jensens reply as he stood staring at the tears that fell down your cheeks. Tears he was the very cause of. “Maybe I love her, but I don’t get a chance to explore that, you do though.” 

“Me?” It was the sincerity in Jake’s voice that broke you as he put the bouquet down where he’d originally found it and made his way to sit beside you on your bed. “I want you forever and the very idea that some guy—some guy I know is a better man than I will ever be—brought you, my wife, flowers when I didn’t? Kills me.” 

“I don’t care about the flowers,” You sighed as Jake wrapped you up in his arms. 

“I know, but I let my own insecurities out in a way I never should have and I’m so sorry for the things I said. You don’t deserve that, ever.” It was genuine. The apology for his actions. Jake knew he was in the wrong with how he acted out. You could very clearly see that he was truly sorry. But letting him know that now would have been too easy. 

The pair of you sat in your hospital bed for the better half of five minutes silently enjoying each other’s presence and gentle touch. Until you broke. 

“I hope you aren’t expecting me to say apology accepted?” You smiled softly as you nuzzled into Jake’s chest a little more. Finding a comfortable position to rest in as you sunk lower in the hospital bed that wasn’t built for two fully grown human beings. 

“Nope,” Jake chuckled as he kissed the top of your head, freshly shaved and matching his own. “And I don’t think Rooster is gonna be accepting any apology I give him anytime soon, so the list is growing.” 

“What happened with Rooster?” You asked cautiously. You felt the tension take over your husband’s body as he processed what you‘d just asked. Jake held you a little tighter as he once again kissed the top of your freshly shaved head. The notes of your shampoo must have seeped into your scalp. He could still vividly smell the residual fragrance of bergamot. 

“Nothing that can’t be explained,” Jake sighed softly. He hated himself with a deep-rooted passion right now. The one thing he wanted to do more than anything else was take you home and pretend everything was alright for just one night. But he couldn’t do that. “Please, don’t worry about my mistakes when you have so much on your plate already. I’ll figure it out. Rooster and I always do.” 

“Hmm,” You replied with hesitation as you let your eyes close. The lup-dup of Jake’s heartrate soothed your soul, a heart that begged to be loved in all the ways he deserved to be loved. “I hope so. Martha Stewart’s best and closest friend said the words that sent her to prison,” You explained all the while Jake’s fingers drew unidentifiable objects into the supple skin of your forearm, careful not to mess with any of the tubes attached to you. It was grounding. “So whatever happened between you and Bradshaw I hope you fix it before he spills all your dirty little military secrets.” 

“Good thing you’re a true crime author, huh?” Jake smiled with a reluctance to give in to his biggest desire. What would be the repercussions of sneaking you out of this hospital right now? 

“No way you’re ending up in one of my books anytime soon,” You giggled softly. Jake felt his heart skip a beat at the sound of your happiness. You felt it too. The moment his heart decided it needed a second to process the laughter you let out. “I love you.” 

“I love you too, honey,” Although the circumstances said otherwise, for a second Jake felt like the luckiest guy on the planet. To be loved by you. To be the one you called home. To be the man you chose would forever be Jake’s greatest accomplishment in life. “I could live a thousand lifetimes and not deserve you in any of them.” 

************************

“No signs of life.” 

There’s a reason surgeons learn to wield scalpels. They like to pretend they’re hard, cold scientists. They like to pretend they’re fearless. But the truth is they become surgeons because somewhere, deep down, they think they can cut away that which haunts us. 

Weakness, frailty, death. 

It isn’t just surgeons. It’s paramedics too. First responders like to think they have a hand in what fate holds for you. They believe that if they can move a little quicker, stop the bleeding a little faster, and save you from life-threatening injuries, they can give you extra time. Even for just a day. 

But the truth is, we don’t know a single person who isn’t haunted by something…or someone. And whether people try to slice the pain away with a scalpel, pull someone from a car wreck, or shove it in the back of a closet…our efforts usually fail. 

So the only way we can clear out the cobwebs is to turn a new page or put an old story to rest…finally, finally…to rest. 

“Do we have any information on the victim?” Ilona shook her head as her unit chief looked around the scene. A single-car accident. The mangled wreck of twisted aluminium and shattered glass really painted a telling tale of destruction. No one could have survived the magnitude of injuries that they would have sustained on impact. 

“I’ll see if one of the guys picked up a phone or something, perhaps it’s still viable,” Ilona replied in a monotone voice. She was new to the horrors that her job sometimes brought with it. The hurricane forced winds that would sometimes knock her right off her feet. But she was learning how to work through the plethora of different emotions in a professional manner. “Poor guy, what do you think happened?” 

The black body bag laid out on the stretcher was a not-so-gentle reminder that life was a precious gift. Paramedics carried the deceased man until they were loading him into the back of the van. No sirens would be needed for this particular patient. 

“Crash investigation should have a report for us in about a week,” Taylor, the unit chief, replied as he watched the doors to the ambulance close with a thud. “We’ll need to get an ID as soon as possible to inform the family.” 

“I have a phone!!” Ilona heard the explanation from one of her co-workers. She turned with a grin on her face back to her boss. 

“We have a phone,” She repeated. “I’ll get right on it chef.” 

************************

Lydia still felt awful. She hadn’t quite shaken the existential dread that came with her almost career-ending mistake. She sat behind the desk at the nurses station just replaying the events back in her mind. How could she just assume someone to be someone’s emergency contact? 

In retrospect, Lydia now understood clear as daylight that relationships were interpersonal and held deeper value than what was on paper. Jake Seresin may not have been your emergency contact, but he sure was the love of your life. 

“You want me to do her observations?” Lydia heard one of her colleagues ask with a snicker. They all knew by this point in time what she had done. But now wasn’t the time to retreat and fall back. If she wanted to get past this, she needed to put on a brave face. 

“Nope,” Lydia shook her head as he rose to her feet. “I’ve got it,” She explained with a faux smile. “Is he not intimidating?” 

“Mr. Seresin?” Her colleague, Rebecca, replied with a mouthful of two-minute noodles she’d been scoffing down in the small window of reprieve. “Guy’s like a labrador. I mean, that is if you didn’t fuck up his wife’s chart badly enough to call the wrong person labelled clearly as an emergency contact.” 

“Ha. Ha.” Lydia barely had the time or the energy to humour her coworkers as they giggled and snickered as she made her way into your room. Jake was wide awake. He hadn’t noticed Lydia standing in the threshold of the door. But Lydia noticed how he held you with such care as you slept soundly. 

“Oh,” She cooed softly as she knocked her knuckles against the door. “Sorry to interrupt Mr. Seresin but I need to take some observations for Dr. Ignati.” 

“Would it be alright if she slept for even just five more minutes?” Jake was quick to advocate on your behalf. He could tell just how tired and overwhelmed with everything you’d become. Now that he was here and by your side, he was going to make sure you got the best possible treatment there was to offer. 

Lydia looked around at the Christmas lights that hung around your room. They twinkled and changed colour on a whim, never staying the same colour for long. The way they hung like they’d been thrown all over the place added a joyful smile across her face. 

“I’m sure I can take my time,” Lydia agreed as she approached your bedside. “How’s she been feeling?” 

“As good as you’d expect to feel given the circumstances, kid,” Jake replied with a yawn. He was able to stretch his limbs a little as he did so. Although, with every move he cautiously made, Jake was careful not to disturb you. “I assume her surgery is still going ahead as planned?” 

“As far as I’m aware,” Lydia confirmed as she checked over your chart and wrote down what she saw on your monitors. “Dr. Ignati should be around earlier in the morning to discuss everything once more.” 

“How long have you been working here?” Jake asked. He thought some small talk would be beneficial for not only him but for Lydia too. He could tell the question struck a nerve but pressed on nevertheless. “Because if I’m being perfectly honest, it doesn’t seem like very long.” 

“Eight months now,” Lydia replied with a short tone. Jake chuckled to himself as he watched her cross out what she had previously written and wrote down what she had originally intended. “Can you tell I’m also not very good at my job?” 

“It doesn’t seem out of ignorance,” Jake offered up his version of advice. “I just think you’re rushing things.” The advice didn’t fall on deaf ears like Jake thought it might. Instead, Lydia stopped what she was doing and took a nice deep long breath in. “In my line of work, things can go wrong in the blink of an eye,” Jake explained as he gently rubbed small circles into the palm of your hand with his thumb. If he was careful, he could feel the throbbing of your pulse point. “Gotta learn how to trust your instincts.” 

“My last instinct was that you were your wife’s emergency contact,” Lydia didn’t feel as if she needed to remind Jake of her biggest mistake of all time, but she did anyway. Jake understood what it was like to stay hung up on mistakes he couldn’t change. But he knew what he was about to say next would ease the burden Lydia was feeling. 

“Honestly, that’s more on me than it is on you,” Jake sighed as you stirred in his arms. He hoped you‘d stay asleep for just a little longer. You needed it. You deserved to rest soundly. 

“How so?” Lydia asked softly as went back to her duties. What Jake said to her next, however, had Lydia looking at the situation she found herself in from a different perspective. And sometimes a little perspective is all you need. 

“Well, I shouldn’t have let it get to a point where I wasn’t.” 

************************

Life gets easier when you realise that there’s no such thing as a wrong decision. Decisions are simply pivots. Each one you make will take you down a new road that will likely be both magic and miserable. Beautiful and ugly. That’s because life is a polarity. Easy doesn’t exist without hard. Good doesn’t exist without bad. 

There is no right or wrong answer. Trust that whatever decision you make can always be followed by another decision. 

“I hate this,” You mumbled as you walked to the bathroom with your IV support poll. “I already hate all of this so much.” You knew you were feeding into the depression, but you couldn’t help but feel down in the dumps about your current situation. 

“I think everything you’re feeling is valid, honey,” Jake answered as he trailed behind, giving you the independence he knew you wanted to keep but also staying close by in case you needed him. “After surgery–” Jake couldn’t even finish the sentence he’d planned to speak into existence.

“Don’t mention surgery,” You interrupted as you made your way over to the shower. “I don’t even wanna think about the surgery tomorrow.” 

“You do know that even if you ignore it, you still have to have surgery?” Jake asked as he frowned his brows and looked at you through the mirror. “We’re on the same page about that, right?” 

“What if I told you I’m just scared and don’t want anything to happen while I’m cut open like a fish?” You sassed as you looked back at Jake through the mirror. “If something happens–” 

“Hey, nothing's gonna happen,” Jake was quick to close the small gap between the two of you. He stood so close that your back pressed up against his chest. His eyes never left yours through the mirror you stood before. “I won’t let anything happen to you, or the kids for that matter.” 

“You left the kids with your mother,” You reminded your husband as he pressed his lips into a tight line of regret. “That alone is gonna cause them enough trauma Mr. ‘I won’t let anything happen to the kids’”

“You wound me, sweetheart,” Jake sighed as he tilted his head back and let out a sigh. “Besides, it’s actually you she hates, not the kids,” 

“Do you wanna help me shower or not?” You finally turned around to stand face-to-face with Jake. He was already smirking ear to ear. And it didn’t take long at all before his hands were dropping to your waist, slowly but surely making their slightly calloused way to the exposed skin of your ass. The hospital gown left little to the imagination. Jake wasn’t complaining. 

“When have I ever passed up the opportunity to see you naked?” Jake replied with a smirk you recognised was laced with lust. You felt him squeeze softly at your arse cheek playfully. “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid my eyes on,” 

“You can’t help yourself, can you?” You giggled as Jake made sure to count the staples on your head. He knew whatever came next would have to be soft. It would have to be gentle and full of love. Not that it ever wasn’t full of love. 

“You drive me crazy, honey,” Jake explained as he caught your lips with his. You couldn’t help but to melt into his body as you kissed him back. Jake’s hands kneaded at the handfuls of arse he never wanted to let go of as he moaned into your mouth. 

The feeling was electric. The moan your husband let out sent shivers down your spine. It was an animalistic attraction that you’d tried so hard to suppress in your separation. But no toy on earth could satisfy you like Jake could. Not even when they were bought with his money. 

“I love you so much,” Jake cooed as he pulled back just enough to let his forehead rest against yours. “You’re gonna get through this, I promise,” He left it at that as you wrapped your arms around his waist for a much-needed hug. 

When you let go, you took a moment to drink in the sight of your husband. You stared at all the perfect little imperfections that littered his skin. The bags under his eyes were more prominent than normal. That was to be expected though. 

“Jake?” You cooed as you reached up to swipe the pad of your thumb across his lower lip. 

“I’m right here,” Jake replied as he kept his eyes closed. If he opened them he knew the tears he was trying so desperately to keep in would fall. If he cried in front of you he'd never be able to stop himself. 

“I need you to wake up for me, alright?” 

“What did you say?” Jake frowned as he opened his eyes and looked at you all confused. He knew what you said. He heard it crystal clear. But he needed you to repeat it. He needed to hear you say it again, just once. The fluorescent bathroom light flickered as he stared at you. For a second…Jake stood alone in a hospital room he didn’t recognise. Only for him to find himself standing right before you again in the blink of an eye. “Honey?” 

“I said I need you to get my phone for me?” You repeated calmly. “My phone is ringing and if I try to race to it I won't get there in time.” The explanation fit the response you gave him. Jake thought for a moment there he was going crazy. He needed more sleep, that was without a doubt the answer to his second of madness. 

Jake silently nodded in agreement before he kissed your forehead. He was only gone for a few seconds before he returned with your phone. Still ringing. 

“Who is it?” You asked as you reached out to take your phone from Jake. By the look smeared across his face, it wasn't someone he necessarily liked. 

“It’s your boyfriend,” Jake teased as he handed you your phone. Based on that comment alone you knew it was Jensen. 

“Careful Seresin,” You teased lovingly, hoping Jake believed what you had told him earlier. “He might be my next husband if you don't play your cards right.” 

Jake knew you were kidding and if anything he deserved that comeback. He didn't like the guy, that much was true. But he could see how having someone who knew what it was like to not know your own body could be beneficial to the mind. 

“You caught me at a bad time,” Jake watched as you answered the phone and held it up to your ear. “I–oh,” You paused. The immediate worry that took over the expanse of your face was enough to have the little hairs on the back of Jake's neck standing on edge. 

“Jensen Huges–” The name hung heavy in the air around you as you listened to the woman on the other end of the line. According to her, there had been a small piece of paper tucked into the phone case of this particular phone at the scene of an accident. Your name. Your number. “Oh, no, no don't tell me that,” You begged. 

Jake was unable to hear what was being said in the silence, but as he watched your eyes well with tears, he knew. 

“Y/n, give me the phone, honey,” He whispered as he gestured to your phone. You shook your head in response as you continued to listen to the woman who had introduced herself as Ilona. A police officer with the Rhode Island police. “Sweetheart?” Jake cooed as he reached out for you. The second his fingertips grazed your shoulder…You fell. “Shit–” 

“NOOOOOOO!” The guttural scream you let out scared Jake to his very core. He’d never in his life heard you sound the way you did as you crumbled on the floor in the bathroom. “NOOOOOO!” 

“Baby, baby I'm here, what happened?” Jake asked softly as he cupped your face in his hands. Your phone was long forgotten. It had crashed down when you did. “Tell me what happened so I can help you, honey?” 

“He–he left me,” You managed to gasp out between sobs. “And I can’t–I can’t breathe, Jake, I ca–” 

“Hey, I’ve got you,” Jake promised you as he held you tightly in his arms. “It’s gonna be alright,” Jake seemed to have been in the business of making promises he wasn't sure he'd be able to keep. He had no fucking idea if things would be alright. But he needed them to be. 

“I can't do this without him,” You cried out in utter anguish. “He, he was the st-strongest,” Jake could tell where this was going as you struggled to speak through your grief-stricken sobs. “If he—then I,” 

“I’ve lost count of all the rooms you've been tall in Y/n,” It broke his heart to see you like this. So full of heartbreak. So full of hopelessness. “You gotta keep fighting, I don’t know what I’ll do without you,” 

“I don't know how to!” You admitted to not only yourself but to your husband as well. “I don't know how!” 

“I’m right here, honey,” Jake held you as tight as he could on the bathroom floor. “You don't have a choice,” He explained as you cried your heart out in a way Jake had never seen you cry before. He could hear your voice echoing in his head. 

“You need to wake up,”

“You need to wake up,”

“You need to wake up,”

“Don't give up on me now Y/n, I can't lose you to this alright?” Jake felt his own tears streaming down his cheeks. The tears he no longer had the strength to fight. The way you willed yourself to wake up from this nightmare you were living broke his heart into pieces. The tears he no longer had the strength to fight. “Please, you gotta keep fighting this.” 

“He was the stronger one,” You replied as you cried yourself into a ball in Jake's arms. Clutching at his arms as your nails dug into his forearms. Grief was a funny thing. “I can't–” 

“You have to,” Jake cried with you. He was losing the love of his life and there was nothing he could do to stop this nightmare from happening. “I’m gonna be right here every step.” 

“I just want you to wake up,” It was all you said. Jake knew he heard you that time. He heard you loud and clear… “Please, don't leave me,” 

But he had no idea what you were saying. 

**********************************

Tags: @blindedbythelightt @starset21 @tayl0rhuynh @marvelogic

@itsmytimetoodream @maverick-wingman @kodzukenmaaa @eternalsams @seitmai @nota-professional

@jessicab1991 @hardballoonlove @senawashere

@withahappyrefrain @dizzybee03 @maisie-rebloging-blog

@a-reader-and-a-writer @sunlightmurdock @shelbycillian @memoriesat30

@accioprocrastination @the-aspiring-fanfic-writer @athenabarnes @eternallyvenus @emma8895eb @kmc1989

[herstuf]

I’ve just been thinking about Challengers so much lately and like the triangular theory of love I’m going insane thinking about it

Like the point is that without each corner the relationship lacks.

Tashi and Patrick had passion and commitment without intimacy.

Patrick and Art had intimacy and passion without commitment.

Tashi and Art had commitment and intimacy without passion.

The whole point of the movie is the triangular theory of love?!?!!!!! They are all a corner!!! It’s not about how manipulative Tashi was or Art was or Patrick was- the point is that on their own they’re not enough. They need the balance.

Tashi is commitment. Art is intimacy. Patrick is passion. A relationship with just two of three can last but is it enough? Are you fulfilled?

I dream about this movie and the way each of them is also a symbol for the growth and individual must go through to become the best version of themselves. Like we’re all a bit Tashi and bit Art a bit Patrick DO YOU UNDERSTAND

[imitationgame77]

What is Aromanticism???

Here on Tumblr, I see many posts mentioning aroace, aromantic, queer-platonic, etc., and I have been trying to understand, but still find it difficult.

If a person describes self as aromantic (= have no experience of romantic feelings towards others), this is fine. It is subjective definition, so must be respected.

But I don't know what it means when a relationship between two individuals is just described as aromantic, I don't know how to interpret that, unless there are more descriptions.

It is almost like dividing all the fruits into apple and non-apple. We can accept that it is NOT an apple, but then what is it?

Obviously, if we are talking about two individuals who can agree on their interpersonal relationship, that is fine. But when there is not necessarily agreement between the two participating individuals, how do the outsiders know?

Even more so, if these are fictional characters.

An American psychologist Robert Sternberg developed the famous "Triangular Theory of Love" in 1980s, where he characterised love between individuals with 3 factors: Intimacy, Passion, and Commitment. When these are combined you get 7 types of love. (Liking, infatuation, empty love, romantic love, companionate love, fatuous love, and non-love).

Generally, passion is interpreted as related to physical/sexual attraction.

So, if you see two individuals who seem to like each other a lot, but remove Passion from the picture, you are left with either "Liking" or "Companionate Love".

Companionate love is great for long-term relationship where the excitement is gone, but trust, caring feeling and understanding are still there. But I feel uncertain about calling ALL the GREAT relationships minus the Passion part as just "companionate". Something feels missing.

Why can we not call that excitement when you get to know someone and you just click? Instant chemistry, and you know that this person is going to be a great friend to you. Sometimes you can get infatuated with your new friend.

Friend or best friend are also good terms, but they don't encapusulate the specialness - some people have lots of best friends. (Or so they say.) Sometimes, there is a sense of exclusivity - resulting in jealousy when a third party comes along.

I wish there is a term to describe a relationship where two individuals care for each other greatly, can understand and accept each other with all the differences and irritating bits about each other, so special and valuable that do not want to lose each other, and gain greatest pleasure in each other's company above everything else.

I think it is possible to have this without sexual or physical attraction, can even have other friends or sexual relationships elsewhere. But this is THE most significant relationship that transcends everything else.

When people see some of these traits, we tend to think of them romantic. Even when we do not expect them to have relationships like lovers do. Because we see chemistry, bond, trust and everything that we desire. Maybe, the same brain areas that process very romantic things respond in a similar way.

I see this in Holmes and Watson (original), Sherlock and John (BBC Sherlock), House and Wilson (House, MD), Myron Bolitar and Win (Harlan Coben's Myron Bolitar series), and recently, Murderbot and ART. (That used to include Aziraphale and Crowley while their passion bit was subtext)

I don't imagine them in sexual or other physically intimate relationships, but the special bond between each of these pairs feels romantic. Because they are so special.

I need a simple word. Not a word meaning "not-something"...

[the-real-rain-world-confessions]

Okay, so, it's been a while since I've completed Watcher (got it the day it came out, finished a couple days later) and I have a few thoughts!

It was really fun to play through for the most part. Unlike some people, I honestly really liked the mystery of not knowing where you're going, travelling around the world through rifts and such. The mismatched feeling is really cool and makes the world feel larger, in my opinion.

I also love Spinning Top. Weird little child. I want to hug them and wish them the best, whatever happens after full ascension... tbh, I wonder if in Watcher's timeline, the other echoes finally let go or are simply in a different place? There's so many questions to be asked LOL

Along with questions, another thing I do like about the Watcher is the mystery. It's fun coming up with theories about the creatures and regions and objects seen. An example is the strange, triangular structures in the background of Signal Spires. They look exactly like the original concept for iterators. Does this mean iterators can have different shapes? Why do they have different shapes, if that's the case? We don't know! I do wish there were some tidbits through data pearls or dialogue and such however... (There are some from the Prince and Spinning Top, but not much about the world from what I can remember.)

There are some problems I will highlight too. One that bothers me is the ecosystem balancing. Some creatures focus on you as a target specifically when it doesn't make much sense. I don't mind the frogs or locusts, you eventually figure out how to deal with them. I just wish they went after other creatures as well.

Another issue is the warp locations. In the game, karma gates are visible on the map with an icon. I wish the portals had a similar mechanic on the map, that way you don't have to aimlessly wander after already finding a warp point or visiting the baby (Spinning Top).

I have so many more thoughts, I might make this my own post at some point instead of confessing all of my wishes and thoughts here lol.

.

[jungkoode]

I don’t mean to ask personal question & of course you do NOT have to answer this at all, but I’ve just been curious about it. You said that you were taken, so I was wondering if your partner is fine with you writing explicit stories about other people. Obviously it’s just fiction, but my experience with my past relationships has always been a disaster, as all of them were never pleased with the idea of me being a fan of boy groups or other men in general & if I ever were to write stories about other men, the situation would just escalate, that’s why I enjoy being single at the moment bc I have kind of lost hope of someone accepting the things I like..

Hi love—thank you so much for the way you worded this. I could genuinely feel how much care and respect you put into the question, and I want to honor that by replying with the same energy.

So, full transparency: I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to answer this publicly. Not because I minded sharing about myself, but because I could feel how personal this was for you, and I don’t want to contribute to anyone feeling exposed or raw. But I decided to respond because I think this is such an important conversation—especially for younger adults navigating identity, creativity, and relationships—and I wish someone had told me this sooner.

To get to the core of your question: yes, I’m in a long-term relationship (7 years going strong!). Yes, my partner knows what I write. And yes, they are absolutely fine with it.

Now, here’s the part I really want to highlight—because this isn’t just about relationships. It’s about maturity. And I don’t mean that in the condescending “you’ll get it when you’re older” way (I’ve met 19-year-olds with more emotional maturity than people in their 40s). I mean emotional security. Self-worth. The ability to differentiate between real intimacy and symbolic admiration.

Because the thing about being a fan, about writing stories, even explicit ones, about someone like Jungkook, isn’t actually about Jungkook. Like I said in a previous ask—this kind of parasocial interest has layers. Yes, we’re drawn to them because they’re beautiful. But when you actually follow an idol, especially long-term, what we respond to isn’t just physical. It’s the archetype they represent to us. The values. The emotional imprint.

I’m not in love with Jungkook. And I say that not as a dig, but as a psychological fact. The definition of romantic love, as outlined in decades of research (e.g., Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love), requires intimacy, commitment, and passion—the first of which is only possible through knowing someone deeply and mutually. Parasocial connections, by design, are one-sided. So as intense as the feelings might get, they don’t meet the clinical or emotional definition of “being in love.” They’re reflective, symbolic, and often deeply personal.

My partner understands that. They know that I admire Jungkook not just for his looks, but because I see parts of myself in him. I relate to his work ethic. His perfectionism. His discomfort with vulnerability despite being deeply sensitive. His need to overachieve to feel safe. His quiet loyalty. His contradictions. I don’t want to date him—I want to understand him, because understanding him helps me understand me.

And that’s the crux of it: my partner isn’t competing with an idol. Because my partner is real. I know their flaws. I’ve seen them tired and sick and angry and overwhelmed. I love them in ways I couldn’t love a projection, because love requires humanization. My writing is fiction. It’s creative expression. And it doesn’t threaten our relationship because they know the difference between fantasy and reality, admiration and intimacy, art and infidelity.

Now, that said—I fully get where you’re coming from. If past partners have made you feel like your interests were “too much” or “unacceptable,” especially in the realm of fandom, that’s not just frustrating—it’s a form of invalidation. It reflects their insecurity, not your lack of worth. And it breaks my heart a little, because so many of us (especially women and queer people) grow up being told that our joy is irrational, unserious, or something to hide. That our passions aren’t “real” unless they’re attached to men they can recognize or relate to.

But listen—being single right now is not a failure. It’s actually such a powerful choice when you know your peace is worth protecting. There are people out there who will not only accept your interests, but respect them. Who will recognize the difference between sexual admiration and objectification. Because yes, that distinction matters. I’ve wrestled a lot with why it doesn’t bother me to follow idols, while I do get bothered when men follow women purely for their appearance. And I’ve come to the conclusion that for me, it comes down to intent. Am I admiring someone’s whole self—their craft, story, contradictions—or am I reducing them to a sexual object? That line is the difference between admiration and consumption.

So if someone can’t see that—if they treat your interests as competition or something to be ashamed of—they are not emotionally mature enough to partner you. Period. That doesn’t mean you’re “too much.” It means you’ve outgrown the wrong spaces.

Take your time. You don’t need to explain yourself to people who can’t meet you where you are. You’re not wrong for loving what you love.

And when someone does show up with the capacity to understand that—whether they’re a fan too or not—it’s not going to be an argument. It’s going to be a conversation. A collaboration. The way it should be.

You deserve that. And I promise it exists. ♥︎

[respectthepetty]

Plant Daddies - Episode 3

This isn't about colors. This is about the Triangular Theory of Love in Hidden Agenda, but it's like lasagna; it has layers. Tee, is this about Step by Step?!

I wrote about plant symbolism in Hidden Agenda in Plant Daddies at Tea Time:

Yellow Chrysanthemum, the tea Zo drinks, represents slighted or neglected love and the taste of its tea is sweet.

And Red Roselle, the juice Joke drinks, represents romantic love or passion and the taste of its juice is sour.

The boys stick to those drinks.

But this week they switched without any comment.

Also, Zo told two stories this week from his Legends of Love book:

Red Roses get their color from the blood of Adonis mixing with the tears of Aphrodite seeping into the ground which caused the roses to change from white to red.

Yellow Sunflowers exist because Clytie fell in love with the sun god, Apollo, so when he left her, she looked at the sun so long that she grew roots and turned into a sunflower.

Both stories deal with a person losing the person she loves. However, the roses story is about love being taken away, and the sunflower story is about love leaving. Also, Zo stated he would cry if he lost his love, while Joke stated he wouldn't leave that person in the first place.

Yet Nita's take on the story is to move on from the past and find someone else.

Once again, this isn't about colors, but we now have two separate occasions where plants/flowers are included in the narrative, and those items are color-coded yellow and red, which only adds to the way we are seeing those colors pop up in the show with a third color.

I mentioned in the Plant Daddies at Tea Time post that primary colors seem to be intentional in the show because this episode, the only colored clothing Joke handed Zo when they were shopping was yellow.

Yet by the end, Zo was in blue with his yellow backpack.

So what does this have to do with the Triangular Theory of Love?

Well, all things come in threes:

The Primary Colors:

Red

Yellow

Blue

These are the basic colors needed to make all other colors; therefore, all colors start from these three, and all colors stem from these three colors.

The Love Triangle:

Joke likes Zo.

Zo likes Nita.

Nita likes Joke?

Issue - We don't know if Nita does still have feelings for Joke because her response to the story seemed as if she would get over Joke.

The Dating Rules:

Rule #1 - Do not gawk at your love interest.

Rule #2 - Ease into it. Don't rush. Oh, AND CONSENT!

Rule #3 - Do whatever Joke says.

Rule #3 - Stay true to yourself starting with the first date.

Issue - Joke seems to have problems sticking to his own rules.

The Triangular Theory of Love:

"It breaks down love into three components."

Passion - Zo is passionate about pursuing Nita.

Intimacy - Joke tells Zo he must ask Nita out to build this.

Commitment - And once they begin to date, this will evolve.

Issue - Zo already notices his heart isn't fluttering around Nita the way he thought it would, yet his heart seems to be doing something around Joke, which is maybe why Joke continues to advise Zo to do some self-reflection and try new things.

Because just like Khai and Third in the correctly titled Theory of Love, this process isn't just for Zo, but Joke:

Passion - Joke is passionate about getting Zo by any means necessary.

Commitment - Joke is committed to this bit, he made Zo give him explicit promises (to work together, to help him get in the debate team), and he already stated he would be committed in a relationship during their story time.

Intimacy - This is what Joke is lacking, which is why he developed this huge scheme to get Zo to spend more time with him.

The Balance:

Is this a story about finding the middle ground between two extremes?

So far, we have a story about Joke, a passionate guy who drinks sour red roselle juice and openly admits to being aggressive about love like the thorns of a rose, trying to develop intimacy with a boy who drinks sweet yellow chrysanthemum tea and says he would just stare at what he can't have than go after it like a sunflower in order to show his commitment . . .

Then both of these boys need each other to find that balance between their two ways of loving.

Joke has launched in elaborate plan to get Zo while Zo was willing to admire Nita from a distance for the rest of his life. Zo can't just stare at his crush (Rule #1), and Joke can't rush into things (Rule #2), yet neither has been truly themself from the start to get the other person (Rule #3).

In order to make this work:

Joke needs to learn sweet intimacy.

And Zo needs to understand burning passion.

So they can find a balance and be able to commit to each other when the time comes.

And maybe that will help their friends find a good balance between the secrets they hide in the dark and the looks they give in the light.

And maybe even rethink how they see things so they can find new meaning in what has been in front of them the entire time.

Because that look was more than what Kot said. Right?

[brehaaorgana]

Sorry my reply will probably just be too long for a comment lol @itspeepytime

Basically I think like — yes, I agree basic art classes should teach the love of creation and the practice of just creating and such.

However, I would not frame something like "teaching the basic science of art mediums and pigments, or color theory" to be "rules" per se. Fundamentals of the skill, yes. Rules? No. These are tools. If you know your tools, you can use them to do all kinds of conventional and unconventional things, but you also know what is not physically possible.

Example:

I will never get green if I mix magenta and cyan. That's not a creativity-limiting rule, that's just a fundamental fact of color mixing. A limiting rule is "leaves should be painted green."

That's a limiting rule. It's a limit on how to paint leaves. How to approach something.

But "magenta and cyan don't make green," is a fundamental. They make purple. You can't change that fact.

You can, however, paint leaves using purple, dark blue, or red.

We admire Monet and the impressionists for their use of light and color, which may have gone against conventions of the time — but they all deeply cared about the fundamental science of light and color. And they were studying it and using fundamentals.

It's great to teach intro students how to enjoy making art, but it's not limiting to help them understand the tools they have at their disposal in orded to make art. "PB15 is a transparent pigment called phthalo blue" isn't a stifling rule, it's a fact. Likewise if I tell you the mass tone of pb15 is incredibly dark, meaning you reach maximum chroma with some dilution/mixing (regardless of the medium), that doesn't stifle creative choices, it just explains what the tool you're using does.

So I'm never surprised by how phthalo blue is going to mix in any given color mixing experiment because I know the mass tone is darker than the maximum chroma I can reach, and I know it's a transparent pigment so it will mix and layer differently from an opaque pigment.

It's like - when I was a TA for an intro art history course, I had some stem students who were taking the class for a gen ed, and they panicked at first because we didn't really spend any time teaching art fundamentals the textbook briefly introduces. So they had no foundation for what they were trying to do or the tools we had for talking about art history. They came to my office hours and I was like "okay let's back up. Before you try to figure out like, meaning of a painting or history, let's just figure out how composition works and how I know what it is, because that's a good building block."

And then I brought print outs of various paintings and starting drawing over them to show them how composition worked and what I was identifying, before having them try it too. Like foreground, mid ground, background. That's a fundamental. Triangular compositions. Rule of thirds. Stuff that helped them see how creativity works with tools, and isn't just all abstract feelings and pure whimsical talent or something. And then I said "great so now you know how we figure this part out, so what's the focus of the painting? What is the artist focusing on? Is there somewhere the composition is emphasizing, or downplaying? And why might that be done?"

Suddenly it was less terrifying to learn art history for them, because it had structures and a logic and tools you could learn, rather than being about innate creativity or artistry.

I had to give them a fundamental building block.

I can tell anyone "draw a person standing under a tree," but if they're like "well all I can do is this-"

There are tools I can give them to understand how someone achieves something else! I feel like an overemphasis on "there all no rules, and I just want you to enjoy it" can be just as much of a problem as an overemphasis on too many strict conventions! Especially since so many people (non-art majors) are intimidated by the idea that they "can't" do great art because they simply don't have the "talent" needed when they just "do" it. They get frustrated and don't understand why they can't see improvement.

An extreme either way is bad, but I think lately it's swung sooo far in favor of "art has no rules, so fundamentals are limiting." that it's kinda bad, because even the art majors aren't learning some basic things.

[seat-safety-switch]

When I was a kid, there was a really big electrical transmission pole in the park behind my house. Now, I'm not talking about one of those regular-ass residential wood poles. This sucker was huge, triangular, made entirely out of metal, and looked like an Eiffel Tower's pissed-off underemployed half-brother. Every day during the summer, we'd play beneath its humming majesty.

Now, you have to remember that I'm not an electrical engineer. All this talk of "phases," "voltages," and "not setting your cousin on fire" is just so much textbook theory to me. Human beings are really good at becoming used to things, even insanely dangerous things like the pole. It left us alone, so we left it (mostly) alone. Sure, we occasionally peed on it. We definitely chucked frisbees at it and guffawed, although those brave flying discs could never reach the height of the lines.

One day, though, everything changed. In late fall, a lot of weird shit happens with the lines. A freezing rain storm might blow through in the evening and jump the wires together. Usually, some megaburst of electricity would come through and blow the short off the lines, and life would resume. Not always, though. We were in school when it happened.

Perhaps you remember the day that the astronauts came to your school, told you about staying in class and not doing anything greater than or equal to Schedule II narcotics. Do you remember when they got into their Lifter Capsule and floated off into the stratosphere, on their way to visit the next school or maybe back to clock out for the day on moon colony One? I do, but those astronauts probably do not. All that shiny metal on their spaceman flying saucer must have really loved all that electricity. Match made in heaven, really.

My longest-enduring memory of the day was being angry that the news choppers weren't paying enough attention to the story to bother landing further away from the power lines when they came to film the smouldering wreckage. Adults should have known better, I told my classmates. Just goes to show you that people get used to danger way faster than you'd think.

[year2000electronics]

bill/gvrv is funny in theory but i think realistically gvrv could not STAND bill and bill would be trying to get on that old man's nerves. like "i'm not touching you" levels of Annoyance from bill whereas gvrv would be pondering nasty things to do to the Triangular Nuisance and seething in silent misery. they wouldn't toxic *yaoi* i think it'd be like two roommates who can't stand each other and are just doing everything in their power to tick each other off because they can't actually kill each other or possess each other at the moment. this is their get-along prison cell except it really isn't.

they’re so “horrible road trip comedy for dads” coded to me. both of them love being the one behind the strings too much that it’s incompatible to me you’re right. they’re the most frenemies of all time.

[plusvanity]

Would you say that people like Varg & Faust are truly, honestly capable of forming genuine connection with people? They are both married and have children for example, but let's take a look at Varg: recently he began to 'create a wall' between his wife and him, trying to find small flaws and/or draw differences that seem harmless but very clearly will become more and more specific with time (this time it was about their respective tidiness); or for example saying how his family is happy and attaching only a picture of his children and him in front of a car but no 'happy' wife in the picture.

This is one of the most thought-provoking questions I've been asked.

It's absolutely impossible to qualify or calculate the capability of loving and there is a different definition for all of the love types out there.

To refer to 'love' more concretely, I will take Sternberg's triangular love theory and try to apply this to these individuals.

I already talked about how I see Varg and Marie's marriage and what type of love they possibly experience here: https://www.tumblr.com/plusvanity/760583588308746240/hii-any-thoughts-on-varg-and-maries-marriage?source=share

And I highly suggest you read this for a wider insight.

But to sum it up, contrary to popular beliefs, narcissists can be indeed capable of experiencing love, but they do it in a certain way. People with ASPD are less probably to experience standard love because of their inability to emotionally connect. However, this doesn't mean that they cannot have marriages and kids. From what I've read about ASPD, their love comes in the form of respect for their partner, rather than that overwhelming feeling of infatuation. They happen to meet someone who checks for all the boxes in their head and they see those people as valuable, worth or respect and worth of building something together, so to speak. It's more of a rational than emotional decision. I hope I can make myself clearer.

Narcissists, on the other hand, are able to experience the emotional attachment, colloquially known as a 'deeper' type of love, but they are limited by their own narcissistic/ egocentric nature.

I don't know anything about Faust's marriage and personal life so I won't waste time trying to speculate on this when I have Vikernes who's so obvious in how he feels in his own marriage.

Initially, I thought that Varg reached 'Consummate Love' with Marie, that one in which intimacy, passion and commitment are altogether present. But as time progresses and according to his latest Tweets, he seems to lose the 'passion' component of his relationship. This is something that sometimes happen in long lasting marriages, and then you are left only with commitment and intimacy. This is called 'Companionate Love'.

When it comes to narcissists, one of their biggest issues is their tendency to get easily bored. When they have all they want from their partner (admiration, narcissistic supply, kinky sex, etc), they get bored and they start directing their attention to something new. This is also what people with ASPD experience.

Loving a narcissist is not hard, but keeping a narcissist entertained it is much harder.

I have no doubt that Marie loves him deeply, and so his children do because they don't have any other reference for how a father figure should be like, but the love that Varg gives back is unfortunately not the equivalent of what his family deserves. And this is not because he's doing it on purpose, this is because his narcissistic condition forces him to 'love himself more than anybody else'. It's a coping mechanism. You end up having NPD when you're not loved as a child or when the love you receive is shallow. After all, we give back what we receive in your life.

Because of his narcissistic nature, that he can't control, he ends up slowly 'pulling away' from the family/ the nucleus that he created. It's a painful process that happens in the background of your mind. You see yourself as being 'better than anyone else', even better than those you love and you can't help it, it's a mental illness. I don't try to make Vikernes seem less of an asshole, I try to explain how this works because I myself struggle with the same issue sometimes. The urge to 'seem better' comes in waves, sometimes it stays with you forever. I can tell you for certain that he counts his wife's mistakes, not to make a big deal about it necessarily, but to keep a personal score.

The love that comes from a narcissist can be mean sometimes because of their trivial tendency to put themselves above others. Those pictures on Twitter with Varg and Marie's desks compared denotes a teasing remark, it hides (but not really) the fact that he's better than her. As a side note: he's also a huge misogynist, but this discussion is for another time.

You are very right about these minuscule examples, but the devil is the details.

Narcissists are absolutely terrified of intimacy and they see people on a hierarchy. Either above them (and they have to get there) or below them (peasants), almost never on the same level with them.

A marriage with a narcissist who has no clue what he does wrong (like Vikernes) is in many ways a failed and unhappy marriage. Things can only be functional if a narcissist is self-aware of his condition and willing to change. Needless to say, this is more rare than the chance you will see a lion in real life.

In theory, NPD people are more likely to develop genuine connections, but they rarely do. It's not their fault, it's the condition itself.

Varg is bored and unhappy because he obtained everything he wanted and he wants more and more. I feel bad for those children for many reasons that I explained in other asks, but it is what it is.

To give back love, you should feel it first and if you never/ barely did, it's very, very hard to give your partner what they deserve. To end with a bit of a positive note, there is hope for narcissists only if they are willing to work on themselves. I can tell from experience.

[slayerkitty]

On Hidden Agenda And if the Agenda is Really Hidden

Otherwise known as @respectthepetty and I watched episode 11, looked at each other, scratched our heads and pulled the clown car over to the side of the road. Episode 11 was not the traditional "BL Episode of Doom" it usually is in most BLs. Some BLs do purposefully subvert this trope or move the episode of doom to episode 10 instead.

It didn't feel like that was what happened here. So we hopped out of the clown car, whipped out our phones to check our maps and directions, because we were very, very confused. We were so sure we had the show figured out! And...no?

So we decided to backtrack; turn the clown car around and start the trip again from the start. To take this week and re-watch Hidden Agenda from the beginning and figure out what the hell we missed.

We also took a detour into source material territory (aka looked up a summary about the book) which was no help to the current situation, because @respectthepetty discovered that JengPok, Nita's stalker, Puen, and Wave x Trin weren't even in it! The only thing we were able to confirm with it is that it's from Joke's POV, he's unhinged in it, and Zo spends most of it dating Nita.

With all this in mind, I sat down with episode 1 of Hidden Agenda in hopes that I would discover anything that we might have missed. I also have slowly cultivated two theories that as of episode 6 still hold up though I don't know how much weight I want to give the second one (but I also can't let it go).

Before I delve into the theories, I do want to point out a couple things that I have noticed.

Zo is super intense about debate club, NOVA, and the Finland scholarship from episode 1. His coaching of Joke in episode 2 rivals his mother's coaching of him in episode 10. If someone who makes gifs could make a gif set that parallels those two scenes, I would be eternally grateful; it will blow your mind. Zo's issues with disappointing his mom are also there from episode one, but they are super subtle. He doesn't want Kot to tag him in his IG story because his mom might see him at the bar drinking. He mentions in I think either episode 2 or 3 that his mom hasn't visited in a while because she's been busy and the way he says it is so... ugh, he needs a hug.

Zo's trauma from Puen's horrible treatment of him is also evident from episode 1 as well; he is constantly saying that he doesn't want to make anyone uncomfortable, that he's worried he's upsetting people, etc. It's constant. Seriously, someone hug Zo.

Theory 1: Joke did something bad/something bad happened to someone he cared about (probably in high school and appears to have gotten therapy about it based on how he speaks)

Episode 1:

In the flashback to the Freshy Contest, while Joke is scolding(?) Zo, he says, "What you said on that stage won't change a broken system."

Episode 2:

Joke tells Zo, "My tongue gets me in trouble."

When Joke and Zo are debating about hidden agendas in relationships, Joke asks why he should tell someone things when he starts dating them because he should be able to tell things in his own time.

Episode 3:

Joke says "Before you get to know someone, you need to know yourself."

Joke also asks/tells Zo to trust him for the first time.

Joke talks about the Triangular Theory of Love: Passion, Intimacy and Commitment

Joke is pretty worried when Zo crashes his bike and makes Zo ride with him instead.

Joke mentions that he used to go to the restaurant Zo picked out with his dad, back when they used to go out to eat; this suggests a distance between him and his dad.

During dinner, Joke says that "What you see of someone may not be the whole story," and "Stay true to yourself."

In the library, Joke tells Zo "I would never let someone I love face danger alone."

The next day, Zo is sitting outside when Joke finds him and says that Zo wasn't answering his calls. and it's implied he was searching for Zo because he was worried.

Joke invites himself on Zo's trip as if he's afraid if Zo leaves without him, something bad will happen.

Episode 4:

Joke tells Zo he couldn't leave Zo "alone and sad" and "I'll never abandon you"

Joke also says "I only care for those who care for me."

Joke is afraid of the glass bridge but he's also to worried to let Zo go out on the bridge by himself.

After dinner, Joke says "Sometimes people don't show all their cards."

Episode 6:

Joke gifts Zo a sunflower pillow and tells him to look up the meaning, Zo searches up "liveliness sprung from despair."

Joke insists on picking up Zo so Zo doesn't go out in the rain/worried about his health.

Kot doesn't seem to like Joke and extremely overreacts to the way Joke trying to get Zo to eat the food he bought. Now, Joke was maybe a little pushy, but Kot goes off the handle.

When cuddling in bed, Joke says "hugging for 30s releases Oxytocin" and if they hug longer, "it means we feel the same."

Theory 2: Joke is a stalker

Yeah, you read that right. There is ample evidence throughout the first 6 episodes that on first watch, didn't quite ring alarm bells, but on re-watch, are setting off sirens. I kinda had this as a crack theory in the back of my head after episode 8 first aired, but now it's staring me in the face and feels a lot less crack-y

Episode 1:

Joke eavesdrops on Zo recording his podcast

Joke is super intense when speaking to Zo at the studio and manhandles him a little so that Joke can sort of pin him against the wall.

Joke eavesdrops on Zo and friends on the bus and then approaches him after to give advice on Nita

Joke asks Zo if the iced coffee is for Zo and says it's not because "Zo doesn't like coffee."

Joke always seems to be around when Zo is trying to approach Nita.

Joke confesses that he has a crush before singing a song.

When Zo tries to leave the bathroom after getting sick, Joke actively won't let him, grabbing him roughly and holding him in place.

In the flashback to the Freshy Contest, Zo asks Joke why he won't quit if he hates it and Joke says he has his reasons.

At the studio, Joke says "I love you and you love me" in Chinese and proceeds to do what has been touted as an "erotic wedding based tradition" with drinking the Roselle juice.

Episode 2:

Joke starts pushing boundaries with food

Joke and Zo make a deal to help Zo with Nita.

Joke has a fantasy of Zo winning and them kissing.

Joke pushes boundaries with food again

Joke admits to Zo he has a crush on someone.

When Joke and Zo are debating about hidden agendas in relationships, Joke asks why he should tell someone things when he starts dating them because he should be able to tell things in his own time.

Joke ties Zo's shoe

Joke says he's already started helping Zo with Nita, but has he?

Episode 3:

Joke basically milks all the situations with Zo in his favor under the guise of helping Zo with Nita

Joke admits he listens to Zo's podcast because it helps him sleep.

During dinner, Joke says that "What you see of someone may not be the whole story," and "Stay true to yourself."

In the library, Joke tells Zo "I would never let someone I love face danger alone."

The next day, Zo is sitting outside when Joke finds him and says that Zo wasn't answering his calls. and it's implied he was searching for Zo because he was worried.

Joke insists on driving Zo home despite Zo's protests.

Joke invites himself on Zo's trip really insistently and hugs Zo excitedly when Zo agrees.

Episode 4:

Joke tells Zo he couldn't leave Zo "alone and sad" and "I'll never abandon you"

Joke also says "I only care for those who care for me."

After dinner, Joke says "Sometimes people don't show all their cards."

Episode 4:

Joke knows how long it's been since Zo changed his profile pic.

After dinner, Joke says "Sometimes people don't show all their cards."

Episode 5:

Joke confronts Zo for trying to avoid him and wanting to forget their kiss. Joke is incredibly aggressive and spills his drink on Zo as a result.

Joke continues to message Zo that Zo is avoiding him and that he's going to come over. Zo says not to. Joke does anyway.

Joke gets himself invited to dinner with Zo and his mom.

Joke makes a move while doing dishes and tells Zo he wants to know how Zo feels.

Joke says "why would you hurt me and tell me to forget?" and "you never care about my feelings."

Joke also says "don't run away from me," and "don't avoid me."

Joke confesses through tongue twister.

Joke remembers that Zo hates stink beans.

Joke tells Zo "I would do anything for you," and "I like you Zo, I want to show you that you like me, too."

Asks Zo to let Joke pursue him.

Episode 6:

Joke gifts Zo a sunflower pillow and tells him to look up the meaning, Zo searches up "liveliness sprung from despair."

Joke insists on picking up Zo so Zo doesn't go out in the rain/worried about his health.

Joke pushes boundaries with food again and then fights with Kot.

Zo tells Joke he needs to respect boundaries.

Joke oversteps boundaries again in at debate club.

Joke pushes Zo again for an answer on his feelings; Joke says he "will always wait" for Zo.

Joke also insists that Zo was into him all along and not Nita.

Joke watches Zo at the debate open house and gets jealous.

Joke wants Zo to stay over; he pushes Zo again for an answer to his feelings. When Zo wants to go shower, Joke grabs his arm and stop him, saying that he won't let Zo run away.

Joke gives Zo the arcade t-shirt and when Zo says he doesn't know the significance, Joke tells Zo to take it off. Joke then takes his own shirt off and refuses to put it back on.

Joke asks to hold Zo and Zo doesn't answer, just rolls over onto his side away from Joke. Joke says "silence means yes" (and in this case it did but OH MY GOD) and proceeds to cuddle Zo.

As I go through my re-watch, I'll add more to both theories but as of episode 6, they both hold up. I can't decide of Joke himself actually did (insert bad thing here) to someone, or just knew someone that (insert bad thing here) happened to. Joke being a stalker wasn't that evident at first, but it is now! At a minimum, Joke is obsessive, posessive and overly clingy.

Also, these theories can both be true! They don't contradict each other in any way. Stay tuned for Part 2, probably... Friday or Saturday.

[ozimagines]

Can I put in a request for NSFW Andy Schillinger and NSFW Schillinger/Keller Laurner-era

Interesting… I love the different requests I get on this page. I’ve never written either one before so I’m a little excited to. My only thing is I’m Laurner, Keller was 17. So I can’t write anything graphic romanticizing it. But I will write a piece about them that’s more tame sexually. I know with Oz these are weird lines to draw in the sand, but it’s a rough show, so you gotta have a limit at some point and this is mine. But I had a good idea for a Keller x Schillinger fic so I’ll write that first. NSFW Andy to come.

Based off of the last chapter of And Autumn Has Come to Retrieve it by @postmoderntongues ❤️💀

It was a brutal night, but with Schillinger, that was a given. Often, Keller found himself wondering if he wouldn’t have been better in the black guy’s clutches than in someone as sadistic as Vern’s. He knew how to break a person down. Demolish them as a human being and build them back so their only purpose was to serve him. For all Schillinger’s talk about pedophiles, here he was, fucking a minor night after night. Keller was cleaning up after being raped yet again. Vern never helped with that process. He always left the boy to clean himself, but always watched in a kind of rapturous glare from his bunk, as if what he was doing was slowly settling in his brain.

Keller didn’t like to think about what was happening to him as rape. He always framed it in his mind as a transaction. He was offering sex in return for protection. He needed something, so he bartered to get there. It was just plain simple economics.

Chris was washing his face before bed, Vern watching him in every movement. Suddenly, Chris asked;

“Are we in love?”

The question was enough to break Vern from his trance and have him screw up his face.

“What?” He asked, wanting to sound angry and indignant but letting too much shock through to come out as either. Chris continued.

“Are we in love?” He leaned down and used the water to clean his soapy face.

“Why would you go ask a fool thing like that for?” Vern said with furrowed brows. Keller shrugged.

“I had to take this class in school. I needed a social science so I took psychology. They mentioned something in one of the classes.” He thought for a moment, trying to remember the exact name. “Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love. It says there was three things required for true love.”

“Yeah, Tinkerbell?” Vern snapped, going to lay down on his bunk. Keller tried to hide his smile. He knew when Vern busted out the feminine nicknames, he was either horny or pissed, and he didn’t look too aroused right now. “And what are these three things you and I supposedly have?”

“Passion, intimacy, and commitment.” He said simply, and Vern scoffed.

“We don’t have any of those.”

“Don’t we?”

“Watch your tone, prag.” Vern snarled, and Keller’s eyes hit the floor, knowing internally that if he did so, and pretended to be contrite enough, Schillinger would let it go. He grinned when he was proven right, just a little smile behind the smallness. He knew Vern inside and out at this point.

“We have passion, sir.” Keller offered, sitting on the toilet with his pants up. Vern thought for a second, wanting to deny it but having no leg to stand on as he’d just finished a night of generous fucking. Keller decided to push. “You’re attracted to me in some way. I’m not a girl, but I’m not nothing. You get it up for me at the very least. That’s passion.”

“You said you needed all three to be love.”

“Technically there’s different types of love with only one or two. Infatuation, fatuous love, companionate love. Those kinds. But consummate love, or true love, has all three.” He made eye contact on this last part. “And we have all three.”

“We have passion,” Vern conceded, “I’ll give you that. You’re a good lay.”

Keller raised a brow.

“Good?” He asked, almost hurt by the subpar qualifications of his brand of sex. Vern shrugged.

“Fine; you make a great prag.”

“You said I was the best you ever had.” Keller replied, still somewhat deflated. Vern thought it was weird that so much of the kid’s self worth was tied to how good he was in bed. That said, Keller was right. He was the best Vern had ever had.

“You’re a tremendous piece of ass, that’s true.” Vern made the last part pointed. “But you’ll always be just a prag.”

“Is what why we also have intimacy?” Chris prodded further, taking a swift backhand from Schillinger. He took the hit like a man, Vern noted, falling back a little but getting straight back up afterwards. There wasn’t even a moment of anger on the kids face. Just plain acceptance of the situation. Took a little of the joy out of it if Vern was honest.

“We don’t have intimacy.” He snorted, trying to cover up how

“I know you, sir. And you know me. I know everything about you.”

“Horse shit.” Vern replied, taking out a magazine and beginning to read. Every part of the conversation was making him uncomfortable. He didn’t love this little fucker. No way, no how.

“You like extra salt on your chicken nuggets.”

Vern froze.

“You like mayo and ketchup mixed on your burger. You snore softly in your sleep. You hate cardio. You watched Leave it to Beaver with your sons, who are in preschool, and named Andrew and Hank. You own a Bible and your favorite book is Revelation. You listen to that wop Frankie Valli, and that skinny twink Buddy Holly. You like your meat well done, not matter how delicate the cut. Your favorite ride at Disney is The Carousel of Progress.”

“Shut up.” Vern commanded, hissing the invisible threat at Keller. Chris, knowing what was coming, continued.

“Your grandma was a teacher of a one room schoolhouse. She came in two hours early every winter to feed the furnace. Your grandfather was a grocer, and he had a cart in the summer and a sled when it was snowy to deliver the produce. Your best subjects in school were music and P.E.. Your pop didn’t care if you went to college, but you always wanted to go for music.”

“Prag, I’m warning you.” He leaned up, throwing down his magazine. He couldn’t believe Keller remembered some of the things he was told, and he couldn’t believe further that he pieced the rest together from odd conversations and observed habits.

“And I know you know me. Everything that’s important anyway. We know everything about each other. Everything. I go to sleep thinking about you, and wake up thinking about you. And I know you think about me. That’s why you have me-“

The crack to his face came before he could even assess the threat. Blood washed from his smashed nose. Vern settled his hand right under Keller’s head, around his neck, biceps bulging as he began to choke the boy.

“I said shut up, prag. We’re not in love. This isn’t love. This is strong versus weak. It’s nature. Big and little.” He pulled Chris’ head so his ear was close to Schillinger’s mouth. “You’re mine. My property. You’ll always be mine.”

He shoved Chris down to the ground, letting his cough and sputter and try desperately to stop the blood pouring out of his face. Schillinger went back to his bed, when he heard something.

“Commitment.”

“Hmm?”

“I’ll always be yours, sir. Always. That’s commitment.”

Besides that, Keller let it go, going for the paper towels, dabbing at his face as Vern turned over in his bed, and the lights began to go out all over the cellblock. Vern had is back to Keller to avoid his own mind. His own question. The kid has made a decent argument. But it wasn’t true. Couldn’t have been. This wasn’t love. He still couldn’t get that creepy question out of his mind.

“Are we in love?”

Love. The fuck did the kid know about love?

Everything Vern was teaching him, apparently.

[emblematicemblazer]

World building and theories of Engage

Celine

Céline, is a French female first name of Latin origin, coming from Caelīna, the feminine form of the Roman cognomen Caelīnus, meaning 'heavenly'.

Saint Celine was the patron saint of music. She gave birth at an advanced age and after the birth she gave sight to a hermit. Her life was full of good works and prayer. Saint Celine's healing ability, piousness, good works and the reference to a long life relate to Céline

Céline could also be a reference to the luxury brand of the same name.

Celine's fashion is inspired by rococo. The decorative use of lace, ruffles, gems, ribbons, touching and flowers to embellish gowns was a key feature of the style.  She wears what is known as Robe a la Francaise whose key features are: a defined waist, richly decorated mantle, a skirt and a triangular stomacher. These are decorated with quillings, lace and bows. The neckline is low and decorated with lace. The rectangular shape of her skirt is an iconic silhouette of rococo. Pannier's created the shade with hoops flattened into an ovoid shade. The outrageous width ensures she takes up more space than a man to signify the importance of women and to make the waist look tiny. 

The black lace with by the three royals could be a reference to them mourning the death of the king, her father, who died from the plague.

At each side of her crown are butterflies.They are symbols of nature and freedom. In the bible God takes a caterpillar and changes it into a butterfly just like he transforms sinners into saints. Celine may have to do things that harden her heart but the Divine Dragon will ensure she remains a butterfly. 

Celine's royal crown is full of flowers which I believe was inspired by The Crown of Louis XV of France which has a floral dome in the centre embellished with gemstones.

The gold and green colour scheme is in traditional rococo pastel shades and demonstrates her royal status and love of nature. 

[january-summers]

Just reminded of that time I wrote a short fic where one of the leads was not only asexual, but on the sex-repulsed end of the 'asexual sexual interest' scale. (Though it took them time to work out that's what was up with them, because they liked the kissing part, and the cuddling part and the having a partner part.)

The happy ending of the fic was when the character who was asexual, LS, walked in on their partner, KJ, masturbating, and KJ basically said "just because I get horny doesn't mean you have to give me sex, especially since I know you don't like it. Having sex with you doesn't matter to me, being with you as partners matters to me. I can handle my horny myself :D"

And LS finally got someone who loved them but didn't make them feel like they had to exchange sex to deserve that love and all was well.

And then people on that fandom's discord were like:

"Okay but they should have sex, LS should feel safe to have the sex now that their dislike of sex is validated, so they should reward KJ with sex. The asexual should have sex for a change."

and the weirdest part to me was that was something another aspec person said to me. Because I always see that in fics, (on the very rare occasion I see an asexual character and their sexuality gets screentime) asexual character's asexuality is 'validated' and they immediately start having sex... unless the character is fat. (iykyk)

Except I had struggled with whether or not they should have sex, because I felt like maybe I (an aspec person) had to send the 'right' message about asexuality and how some asexuals do have sex, and that's okay they're still asexual.

But I exist on a sliding scale of asexuallity and my sex repulsed side deserved some love, so that won out.

The scale (for me) is triangular btw, the three points are 1. (theory only) interest 2. repulsion 3. oh shit i forgot sex was even a thing (and not something people made up for fanfic reasons because I just don't think about it.)