#I didn't mean to post 1800 words of this

[microclown]

I was rewatching s1e3 and something finally clicked for me..

Please forgive me if this seems obvious to you. It helps me to type out my thoughts, but I'm sure I'm just an idiot and no one else needs this explained to them, lol. That said - I was always slightly confused by the emotional weight of the holy water arc during the flashback sequence. Particularly I was confused by how angry Crowley got when Aziraphale referred to their relationship as fraternizing in the 1862 fight. I mean, "to associate or form a friendship with someone, especially when one is not supposed to" is exactly what they are doing, right? So why the 80 year breakup?

Crowley says he wants the holy water for if "it" all goes pear shaped. The phrasing is necessarily vague, and could mean lots of things. Since I know what he eventually uses it for, I was thinking about it in the context of Armageddon, or maybe more generally and vaguely about Crowley not always choosing to go along with Hell, and associating with Aziraphale. But there was not much reason for Crowley to already be thinking about Armageddon back then.

As we know from the full diary entry Neil posted, the timeline of the Edinburgh entry, and the cut bookshop opening scene, it seems like Crowley and Aziraphale were spending A LOT of time together by the 1800's. When Crowley is pulled back down to Hell in 1827, he learns that Hell is paying more attention to him than he'd previously thought. Crowley realizes at this point that spending so much time with Aziraphale is actively putting him in real danger. He recognizes that, and instead of breaking things off, or seeing Aziraphale less, he doubles down. If this relationship is dangerous, then he wants the tools to fight for it.

That's what I think I didn't get about the holy water request. It's not just general insurance, it's specifically insurance for if Hell finds out about him and Aziraphale. It's also a super vulnerable request because in making it, Crowley is openly acknowledging how important their relationship is to him. Aziraphale casually brings up the arrangement at the beginning of the conversation, and that's part of it, right? Because the whole basis of their relationship is the arrangement. It continues to be the pretense under which they meet, despite the relationship clearly having developed beyond that. And the arrangement, as Crowley proposed it in 537, is born out of convenience, and the assumption that Heaven and Hell would never notice anyway.

Crowley's request for insurance breaks that facade. He's acknowledging that it's not convenient, or safe, but he wants to do it anyway, despite the risk.

Aziraphale, on the other hand, is not ready for the screen to be taken away so abruptly. To make it worse, he assumes Crowley wants the holy water as an escape, rather than a weapon. Suddenly he is confronted with both the danger their association poses, and the idea that Crowley might choose to take his own life. He can't imagine the guilt of being directly responsible for the latter.

I also think the strength of his own emotional response to the thought of losing Crowley catches Aziraphale off guard. He hasn't admitted to himself how much he actually cares, and it scares him. Worrying about Heaven is more comfortable and familiar, so he falls back on that and switches to "If they knew I'd been... fraternizing!"

But bringing up the threat of Heaven reads to Crowley as Aziraphale saying "You may be willing to put yourself at risk for the sake of our relationship, but I am not." The word choice of "fraternizing" comes off as a dismissive and demeaning way to describe a relationship that Crowley just admitted he would risk his life for.

It's an unintentionally deep cut when Crowley is already at his most vulnerable, and so he lashes out. As far as we've seen, this is possibly the first time Crowley has truly lashed out at Aziraphale. So yeah, 80 year breakup makes sense!

And what makes this so much worse is what happens next. Crowley reaches out again in 1941 with a dramatic gesture (rescuing Aziraphale from the Nazis, saving his books). It's clear they've missed each other. They don't discuss the fight, but it's there subtextually. Aziraphale, tentatively and thrillingly, refers to them as friends, for the first time ever. He tells Crowley that he trusts him.

And then, that very same night their worst fears are confirmed. Just when they've finally reconciled a fight over the dangers of their relationship, and just when Aziraphale has finally admitted that it is not a relationship of convenience, but genuine friendship, they are exposed. Crowley is going to face punishment from Hell, explicitly for being Aziraphale's "trusted confident", and he doesn't have insurance. If Aziraphale's trick hadn't succeeded, Crowley would have had no way to protect himself.

idk it just makes me feel things ok

[heavenlymorals]

In Defense of Bill Williamson: A Curious Case Of Hear Me OUT-

Warning: this post contains mentions of rape, homophobia, and period typical attitudes.

The first time I played RDR2, I was very curious and went into Sonny's cabin. If you know, you know.

I was horrified over learning what happened to Arthur and the shock of it all was impalpable. The fact that Rockstar put in such an encounter was diabolical, but either way, it happened, and I was pissed and heartbroken for Arthur. Out of all the encounters that happened in this game, all the awful encounters, this is the only one that did not get a journal entry- mostly likely due to the trauma of getting raped and the shame of it as well- let us not forget that Arthur is a man, a very tough and burly man, living in 1899 America. The likelihood that there would be any support for him is nigh on none.

I fed Sonny to the alligators (obviously) later and more or less forgot about it because I avenged my Arthur.

Then Bill came along.

"I met a guy at the swamp who seemed to know a lot about you. I mean A LOT about you…"

I was pissed and it was the first time in the game that I heard pure, unadulterated hatred in Arthur's voice as he more or less growled at Bill to go away. From then on, I always antagonized Bill for seemingly mocking Arthur like that for getting raped.

But then I played again and again and played Red Dead 1 too and learned that Bill is gay. Even though it isn't said outright, it is implied so heavily that it would be laughable to suggest that he liked women.

So after a while, my reaction to Bill's words changed. I pity him now.

Now I know what you are thinking- Heytham, how the hell can you pity a man who mocked a fucking rape victim?

Because I don't think Bill thought Arthur was raped.

Here is how I came to this conclusion (feel free to disagree with me, but here is how I came to this conclusion):

Being a homosexual in the 1800s was a very isolating and daunting experience, with the threat of jail time and even death. Society was super judgemental and cruel to people who did not fit into what was expected of them, so being a homosexual would feel like hell on Earth because there wasn't a real way to express this attraction beyond longing and secrecy, which would make finding other gay people hard to do.

Beyond just isolation, homosexual actions can ruin careers, which we can assume is one of the reasons that Bill got dishonorably discharged ("deviancy") alongside attempted murder. Crazy to think that "deviancy" is on the same level of attempted murder and was probably shamed more, but that is neither here nor there.

Even the gang wasn't really accepting of Bill's sexuality, which speaks a lot about the gang's supposedly "progressive politics", as they aren't really politically progressive and more so idealistic in the romantic standards of 1800s America. In terms of Bill's sexuality, it felt more like a outta sight, outta mind sort of deal. Bill is the butt of jokes and his sexuality is too ("Is he gonna kiss that guy or punch him", "Bill and Phil", "He likes to do a lot of things with men on their knees (RDR1- John says it to purposely shame Bill more to the people he works with)")).

When his sexuality seems to be a bit more upfront, there is agression and disgust. The biggest example of this is Arthur's reaction to Bill wanting hair pomade. He sounds disgusted and mean and the sneer in his "Yeah, I'll get you your hair pomade…" is very telling that Arthur thinks that Bill is asking him for pomade for gay sex because of the way he reacts to it- he already has a disposition to thinking this is why Bill wants the pomade and it disgusts him, even though he does it anyways.

To give Arthur the benefit of the doubt, I'd be pretty weirded out if someone asked me for lube, but Arthur didn't know if that is what Bill actually wants. He could very well just need it for a job that requires him to look nice, which happens in the ball mission. The point is that he had a disposition and that disposition made him react in not only a bewildered way but a disgusted way. Im serious, just listen to that interaction- I don't think I am reaching.

In any case, it is quite obvious that Bill feels isolated and that isolation makes him awkward and aggressive around men that he does like (Kieran) and overall just angry at the world because of it, amongst other things. He has no one to talk to, no one to relate to, and he is shunned and despaired over something he cannot control.

So then Bill meets Sonny and whatever the hell they did together, Sonny talks about Arthur, and let us be real, what is the likelihood that he would flat out tell Bill that he raped Arthur? Low, I'd think. Most likely, he would just say that the two of them had sex.

Now think about this- Bill has mostly likely lived his entire life hiding his sexuality and only expressing it in secret because if he does otherwise, he will be punished in some form or another. But now he learns that another man in camp, the fucking enforcer of all people, has apparently went to this man for sex.

Do you realize what this means for a gay person? Especially a gay person who lives in a society that actively discourages and punishes same-sex relations? It doesn't necessarily mean that that person would try to drum up a relationship, but there is comfort in the fact that now you know another person who is experiencing the same thing you are- the solidarity in that is priceless. I would know, I come from a culture that still kills gay people.

When Bill comes up to Athur, he genuinely sound giddy, like he found a big secret. There wasn't really any malice in his voice, other than a "haha, guess what I just found out" sort of tone.

When Arthur tells him to get out of there, he didn't seem offended. He didn't seem annoyed or aggressive, which is unusual for Bill. He just puts his hands up in surrender and goes off, almost as if he was saying "hey, I get it man," in the sense that a man during this time period, especially a man like Arthur, wouldn't want to be found out as gay. Internalized homophobia was definietly rampant.

He genuinely doesn't seem to have malice in that tone- Bill only talks like that when he is either excited or happy or acting like a human being. And at this point in the game, Bill still respected Arthur, so I doubt he would want to step on his toes, especially in a way like that.

If I am not talking out of my ass, this could be such a great moment of character development for Bill- sympathy for another man supposedly like him in the world that they lived in. Fucking Bill having sympathy and empathy- who would've thought.

Or he could be mocking Arthur for being a rape victim because Bill is genuinely a piece of shit.

But on the off chance that he does not? What an interesting microcosm of LGBTQ+ dynamics in 1899 America.

In any case, FUCK SONNY AND DONT GET INVITED INTO HOUSES IN THE SWAMPS-

[apurpledust]

Don't tell my friend that I did not sleep immediately (she will scold me XD). But what is Napoleon and Junot about? Gib their interactions, their history, the tension, their secrets, what you thought about them, what is good and bad about them, headcanons, some things that you love about them, anything that will save my curiosity before I go to sleep in 4:30 am 👀

That is all. Have a nice day/evening 😌

HELLO!! sorry for my late reply I have the cold and I was figuring how to write this without sounding too crazy 😭😭 thank you @whatever-whatsoever for reminding me to check my inbox 🤩 YESSS NAPJUNO ASK!!!! THANK YOU ❤️❤️ I'll have to give a super abbreviated version because they had so much history *sniff* 🥺

I may yap more about my personal head canons and why I love them in a separate post hehehe👅

disclaimer: I don't claim to be objective or an historian as this is very napjuno-biased :P English is not my first language so there will be many grammatical mistakes😭

I feel like I should first mention that Napoleon and Junot had a long history of correspondence throughout their lifetime. And Junot kept every. single. letter Napoleon wrote to him. Unfortunately none of these letters exist anymore because Napoleon sent a lackey to have them burned the moment Junot committed suicide. (I WILL NEVER FORGIVE NAPS FOR THIS 😭) so most of what we know about their relationship is secondhand from Junot's wife, Laure Junot's (Duchesse d'Abrantes) memoirs. She's also not the most reliable person so it's possible she might heavily exaggerated on some stuff

As for the letters, it's always been up for debate why Napoleon wanted them gone but my personal headcanon is they must've been written in a very romantic tone... and Napoleon was so heavily trying to suppress his feelings for Junot and burning those letters was a way of burying their relationship once and for all

OKAY, SO A BRIEF HISTORY ON NAPJUNO!!

Junot's fated meeting with Napoleon began in 1793! He was already promoted to a segreant when they met and Napoleon was already a General at the age of 24(!). It was during the Siege of Toulon that Naps had asked for someone who had beautiful handwriting to dictate a letter and Junot volunteered to write what he dictated before a cannon fire sprayed it with dirt. Naps was so impressed by his coolness that he made Junot his secretary and Aide-de-camp, and soon they'd become inseparable

soon after Toulon, Napoleon was accused of treason for his connections to Augustin Robespierre and was jailed. Junot , of course freaking out about this wrote him letter to offer an escape but Naps declined.

^ this illustration by Jacques Onfoy de Bréville represents one of their "leisure moments" together circa 1794-95

so after a little while Napoleon got married and found his fortune, Junot continued to follow him to his legendary Italian and Egyptian campaigns. In Egypt, he was promoted to General but he was actually not too happy with this since this means he'll be away from Napoleon often. There's also this famous (or infamous?) incident where he challenged General Lanusse to a duel ,simply because he opposed Napoleon's leadership , with this words :

«We must fight; it is essential that only one of us survive. I hate you because you hate the man that I love and admire as much as God, if not more»

sounds like a chivalric romance doesn't it? :3 It was also during this campaign there were rumours within the army comparing Naps and Junot to "Hadrian and Antinous" . of course Junot does nothing to dispel those rumours 🤓 Poor guy got wounded in the stomach and Naps didn't visit him until the last minute.

Napoleon wasn't able to take Junot with him when he left Egypt and by the time Junot made it back to France in 1800, Napoleon was already First Consul and the power differences between them already put a strain on their relationship. This was further exacerbated once Naps became Emperor.

When Naps sent Junot to Portugal , he wrote a bunch of desperate letters begging him to reappoint him as his aide-de-camp again and Napoleon once confronted to Junot's wife about the letters he wrote to him (I'm like 99% sure it probably sounded more romantic than the ones he wrote to her) . it got to the point that Laure Junot ahd to admit that Junot possibly loved Napoleon more than her and their children.

Junot was often sent away from Napoleon during from like c. 1806-1810ish? and didn't interact much except by correspondence (I think) I'm going to skip over the Portugal /Spain period

Okay so by the Russian Campaign of 1812, Junot pretty much fell out of favour from Naps and the consequences of Junot's actions almost completely destroyed their relationship. By this time period, Junot's mental and physical health was very, very fragile from his campaigns in Portugal & Spain and Napoleon was no longer the Napoleon he knew back in their youth. Napoleon was furious and even shamed him on the military bulletin. Junot was devastated at this and the thought of losing Napoleon's friendship was unbearable after 20 years of being devoted to him.

After he returned to France from Russia, there are several anecdotes mentioning how he would wanderlessly mutter out loud that  “The Emperor no longer loves me” in his apartments😭 Napoleon's love for him was all that mattered😭😭💔

There's this scene where Duroc (Napoleon's Grand Marshal of the Palace) and another friend visited Junot to comfort him and this happened:

Junot obviously didn't believe the Emperor still loved him of course💔

Soon after spending some time resting and with his family, he was appointed Governor of Illyria. (I think Naps sent him there because he wanted him out of France but Idk). His insanity finally set in and there's this infamous incident where Junot attended the ball completely naked except for his medals and hat and his battle wounds were on full display...

Soon after that, he had to be forcefully be sent back to his father's home in Montbard. It was there where he committed suicide by jumping out the window.

💔

Junot's last letter to Napoleon is heartbreaking by the way....

“I who love you with the affection of a savage for the sun, I who am entirely yours. Well then: This eternal war that we must fight for you, I WANT NO MORE OF IT! I WANT PEACE! I want finally to repose my tired head, my sore limbs … to enjoy that which I earned … with my BLOOD! The blood of an honest man, of a good Frenchman, of a true patriot. I therefore ask, at last, for that tranquility that I earned through twenty-two years of effective service and seventeen wounds from which my blood has flowed for my country, and for your glory. 

Like I mentioned in the beginning, soon after the news of Junot's demise reached the public, Napoleon immediately sent someone to his house in Paris where his wife and brother-in-law were at and forcibly searched through Junot’s home to seize and burn his letters.

Oh yeah there's more but I'll leave it at that for now </3 LIKE WHAT THE HELL NAPS WHY DID YOU BURN THE LETTERS 😭😭Like they must've been fucking crazy man,,, omg sorry this keeps me up at night 😭

they make me so

Junot's ending was sooo tragic.... he was definitely a Greek tragedy-esque figure😢 He possibly died believing Napoleon hated him when that wasn't the case. Napoleon, despite reprimanding Junot very harshly for Junot's actions (non-actions?) during the Russian campaign, he still had a soft spot for him.

I also think of like how his life would've been better without meeting Napoleon. But also thinking again how much Junot treasured his meeting with Napoleon.... ough they're so painful sdkjskdljdhljhdjfhdkjhfdj excuse me while I combust

NapJuno was basically like painful unrequited love slow burn over 2 decades . Or maybe it wasn't completely unrequited? I like to think Napoleon was in denial and constantly tried to suppress his feelings for Junot 😔😔😔 anyway Junot was so delulu... (he's my precious delulu cat) he kept hoping Napoleon would still love him like he used too pre-Emperor days. Of course those days will never come back. I guess he was always living in the past while Naps moved on 🥲💔

well even if Napoleon doesn't love him at least I do 😤

as my friend @ promises-of-paradise once said, I think Junot was almost definitely romantically obsessed with Napoleon. Like actual romantic love (I'm not even being delusional this is what I truly believe). Whether they actually did anything together is up for debate, but it’s clear that Junot’s feelings for Naps were a lot more intense than a regular friendship.

also I highly recommend reading these posts regarding Junot and NapJuno's relationship:

The NapJuno bible of course: https://erenow.org/modern/napoleonic-friendship-military-fraternity-intimacy-and-sexuality/4.php

BTW THERE'S A NAPJUNO RPF WRITTEN AND PUBLISHED IN A FRENCH MAGAZINE BACK IN 1926!!!! I JUST NEED TO FIND THE LINK (it's also in French)

and Laure Junot's memoirs! it's available on the internet and she (and imo rightfully) suggests Napoleon and Junot were possibly incredibly intimate during their broke days. Girl was the OG napjuno shipper istg

~~

If any of my fellow NapJuno fanatics want to add info about them more please do so!!! I'm probably forgetting some stuff 😭

[devildom-moss]

Could you write some domestic fluff headcanons for Solomon x GN!MC like you did with Lucifer?

Thanks in advance!

I got you. I feel like I bully this man so much in my posts, so it was nice to spend three full pages just affectionately thinking about Solomon. I adore him so much. I kind of set these in Nightbringer times just for the purpose of MC actually living with Solomon, but I didn't really touch on anything too specific to that era - because I probably could have gone on way longer. Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

Domestic fluff headcanons (Solomon)

(Solomon x gn!MC)

Word Count: +1800

Solomon adores spending time with you, but he also likes having a separate room. Solomon is used to being alone, and he appreciates time to himself. The man loves his space, but that makes it even more special to him when he shares a bed with you. Solomon can’t always express how happy he is to have you there. In his mind, it was always okay that he was alone so often in his younger years. Somehow, he often “forgets” (suppresses) that there were long periods of his life where he wasn’t just alone – he was lonely. Being with you makes him wonder if maybe he can avoid that desperate, painful loneliness for the rest of his life.

This man has had a long, kind of rough life. Sometimes that means nightmares or ruminating on his past late into the night (on top of any day-to-day stressors). When he can overcome his embarrassment about you seeing him in a vulnerable or fragile state (because some nights he can’t), he will ask to crawl into your bed. If you aren’t awake, he’ll either sleep on a chair in your room or on the floor – at least until you inevitably tell him that it’s fine to sleep in your bed if you’re already asleep. No matter how difficult the night is, Solomon feels a noticeable amount of relief when he wakes up to your voice or your touch – even more so when he wakes up in your arms.

Solomon is pretty good about knocking before entering your room, but that’s only because he requests the same from you. He’s not an innocent man, and he would be mortified if you just walked in on him during something he had intended to be private.

Solomon will not go to bed if he expects you home and you haven’t arrived yet. He worries about you so much, and no matter how much he teaches you, he’s started to realize that he’ll always be protective of you. He’ll text early on in your lateness, but if you don’t respond to his texts and no one has eyes on you, he’ll call after an hour or so. If there’s no response after that, he’ll go through his magical options to get in contact with you. Please don’t let your D.D.D. die, basically.

I imagine MC’s phone dying during a party and them not noticing until after they were already outside the club. You wanted to text Solomon and let him know that you were heading home, but your phone was dead, and Mammon and Asmo were still inside. It was a nice night, and it was only a half hour walk home. You’d be fine. When you walked through the door, Solomon gave Asmo a quick “they just came home,” before he walked up to you and pulled you into his arms. You didn’t get a long look at his eyes, but the mixture of relief and fear they held simultaneously was evident. Solomon couldn’t let go of you the rest of the night. He even joined you in the shower.

Solomon takes so much pride in telling people that he has to leave or head home because “Mc is waiting for me.” He knows the others must be so jealous that he gets to return home to you and that he’s the person you return home to. However, he feels so guilty when you actually are waiting for him. He hates to leave his adorable apprentice waiting. You’d think that guilt would make him do that less, but he’s busy and a bit forgetful, so it happens more often than he wants it to.

He understands if you don’t or can’t wait up for him when he’s home late, and he doesn’t resent you for it. However, especially if he thinks you took special care to plan out a romantic night or if you are really nice (saving his food so it’s easy to reheat whenever he gets home and leaving a cute cat post-it note complete with a sweet message and a little heart on top, chilling a bottle of demonus for him, tidying up his desk that he left a mess – even by his standards – earlier that morning, running him a magic bath that will stay warm all night, or leaving a bouquet of flowers in a vase on his bedstand), he will be so grumpy the following day. Don’t get me wrong, he appreciates you, and he’s so happy, but he’s mad at himself and anyone who made him late. He’ll at least do his best to smile around you and thank you for being the best human to exist. To distract you from his grumpiness, he will kiss you a lot that day: soft, tender kisses where his lips linger on your skin; affectionately trailing his lips over your neck between whispered words; and even possessive, hungry kisses – especially in front of someone else who he blames for him being out so late.

The only thing you let Solomon make without complaint are drinks – which are close enough to potions that they somehow don’t kill you. He’ll make you coffee, cocktails, and tea. (Starbucks who?) I can’t explain why, but I feel like Solomon cannot make you a bowl of tomato soup that won’t hurt your intestines, but he can make you a delicious honey vanilla lavender frappe or a muddled blueberry vodka lemonade. Something about the actual cooking food bit just makes that sick, pretty head of his just think “yeah, I should improvise this badly.” Your smile is infectious when you enjoy a drink that he’s made for you.

Unfortunately, despite your pleas for him to not cook, Solomon still does it. Even worse, he blows up the kitchen or creates unimaginable messes every few months. He knows he’s not allowed to cook because according to you, his food is “inedible,” and “a biohazard unfit for consumption.” But he wants to get better until you can finally trust his food, so he has to practice. One day, he wants to make food that you want to eat, which is why he keeps offering you his culinary abominations. He’s not there yet.

When you have a bad day, Solomon will hold you, offer to cook you dinner and get rejected, and ask how he can help you feel better. If you want a distraction, he’ll have a game, movie, or show ready for you in a minute. He’ll order food in or take you out to eat. Anything you want, he’ll do his best to give it to you.

When Solomon has a bad day, he will return home and immediately find you so he can bury himself in your arms. If you are working at a desk, he will worm his way onto your lap and just nuzzle against your chest or neck. He’ll try not to disturb you, but once you’re done, he would appreciate your undivided attention.

This man loves being held so much. If it’s just you and him, he’ll occasionally do the grabby hands thing with his arms outstretched, waiting for you to hug him.

Also, we’re going to address the manspreading. This dude – this absolute bro – does not stop doing that around you, either. If you want to sit, you have two options: either you sit between his legs, or you teach him a damn lesson about keeping his legs open (by straddling his lap and forcing his legs together with your thighs). Both of those are just going to encourage him to continue, but at least you get to sit and fluster him slightly the first few times.

Solomon’s erratic sleep schedule means that, some days, he’s heading to bed when you’re getting up – sometimes vice versa if you’re playing it a little fast and loose yourself. On those days he likes to give you a kiss good morning/night before either of you finally go to sleep. If your schedules can’t align, he’s going to squeeze out whatever affection he can get from you.

Sometimes he wakes up before you and wants to get you up. He either can’t bring himself to wake you because you look so cute, or if he can, he does it with such a gentle touch. That sweet voice will call out your name, and his fingers will graze your face or arm in soft, slow motions. If only he could save this image of you for his eyes only.

Solomon tests out his love magic on you in the privacy of your home. He also uses you to practice his seductive speechcraft. The fact that no one else can walk in on the two of you is a big plus. As much as he adores experimenting on you and seducing you, there are times when he can’t stand the idea of anyone else seeing your flustered face. Also, if his love magic goes wrong, he doesn’t want anyone else to be around. Who knows what could happen.

I feel like Solomon keeps a stock of MC’s favorite snacks in the house. He does this with scented candles and soap, too.

Solomon will keep the house cool – or at least his room. If for some reason, you have a problem with it, he will – in typical flirty sorcerer fashion – offer to warm you up. If it seems to be a consistent issue in his room, he will buy a sweater or cardigan specifically for you to wear in there. He will not be made to be warm in his own room – but he’ll be damned if you’re uncomfortable.

MC covers Solomon with blankets or their jacket when he falls asleep on the couch. They will wake him or just carry him to bed if he falls asleep at his desk so that he doesn’t wake up sore. He’s so old – his muscles and joints aren’t what they used to be. He always leans into your touch in his sleep.

This is self-indulgent and related to an MC from one of my Asmo stories, but MC gave Solomon an oversized GILF (gosh I love frogs) shirt, and he sleeps in it a lot. He gets super embarrassed if anyone else sees him in it. It’s one of the few things you gave him that he won’t show off until everyone understands how NB (Nightbringer – not non-binary, but I mean?) Barbatos feels.

Solomon loves singing along or dancing to human world music with you. It’s something that feels special between the two of you. There’s something so lighthearted and sweet about those moments; Solomon can’t feel the weight of his sins when you’re smiling through a song and swaying to the music. He’ll get especially giddy if you sing love songs to him.

Genuinely, Solomon is so happy to live with you, and he’ll try to express that often. I don’t know if he could get through a day without telling you he loves you. To him, you are his home now. When you’re gone, he starts to feel lost. Wherever he goes, whatever happens, he wants to return to you every time in every world on every timeline.

[fairuzfan]

it's quite a dishonest framing that you say hussein was "regarding you with suspicion" baselessly even though you've publicly state on your blog how you believe zionism is an "intracommunity" discussion.

they at no point even mention that they blame you for "israel's actions". they assumed you were talking about zionism because of previous pointed statements you endorsed where you say zionism should be only discussed by jews. its not imagined, you straight up said this? and you claim that hussein is antisemitic for assuming you're saying the same thing again just with more inclusive language? And it coincided a few days after me posting that tributary post about "defining yourself as zionist or antizionist"? So he assumed that it was in relation to it? sure you might not have meant it about zionism this time, but with previous statements you've made/endorsed you don't exactly have the right to act like you have no idea why they would assume that and misconstrue this as an antisemitic attack where he's conflating zionism with judiasm when you literally agree that zionism should only be discussed by jews, which means you yourself are conflating zionism and judiasm.

but ok, i guess, they were just taking your words out of context because they're "antisemitic". I even saw this ask last month and assumed you were talking about zionism in your recent post because of this statement you published and told him privately thats what i assumed you were talking about. Not because of you being jewish. But because i remembered this statement you agreed with because i was so offended reading it. And yeah it's a really bad statement that I'll remember because of how antipalestinian it is so sorry I don't think you get to claim the moral highground???? You didn't exactly disagree with any part of this person's statements?????

And like I would have left this alone but hussein often gets called antisemitic by people you associate with and reblog from, and it really shows how little compassion you all have for Palestinians (which btw as I say over and over, we have a right to point out harmful rhetoric that impacts us) who have a "knee-jerk reaction" to these things when we quite literally see our communities call for the deaths of our friends and family by starvarion and bombing in the name of zionism and when we call it out irl we get called antisemitic. You could have like sent an ask or publicly clarified your intentions but you just jumped straight to calling him antisemitic. Which the onus of responsibility is on YOU because of your previous statements. Why would we assume you mean something different based on past experiences???

Rhetoric like "zionism is an intracommunity issue" is stuff that has literally led to death of our loved ones so of course we have "kneejerk reactions" when there is literal proof of you saying these things before. We are not doing this because you're Jewish, we are doing this because we see and experience first hand this rhetoric and youre perpetuating it blatantly and you have people who follow you who look to you for perspective on "israel/palestine". It's so disingenuous to claim he's an antisemite when he's literally finding common talking points zionists perpetuate against us and call it out. And saying "I don't support the likud government or Westbank settlers" means nothing to us because our families were expelled from palestine before likud and settlers happened. Trying to separate modern day zionism from its colonial roots from the 1800s is at its core anti-palestinian, no matter what other conversations you want to have.

Again like the only reason this matters is because people follow you and look to you for perspective AND you reblog/interact with people we have pointed out as harmful. I literally would not care enough to make this post if i didnt see your posts spread enough times around here. So it's not because you're jewish and framing it like that is really dishonest when the person pointing this out was a palestinian who lost family due to zionism throughout multiple generations of their lives.

[lightofraye]

do you ever think just for a little bit, that you might be wrong?

having so many angry people come and tell you that you're wrong, doesn't that make you doubt yourself?

if you were a little bit more humble and a little less entitled, you would consider that you are human too, therefore you're just as prone to making mistakes as anyone else.

maybe you should research better your sources, some of the people you've been talking to have said before that they just like to rile people up, they've admited to making up stuff just for fun.

you also have a dignosed sociopath among your sources, which means they cannot understand emotions.

there's also a troll in disguise, who brags about making people like you believe anything, and then laughs their ass of when you people start making theories based on their bs.

seriously, is it that crazy to believe that Jensen really loves the woman he married?

Hello anon.

You asked a lot here, and I first want to thank you for actually being respectful and polite about it. I don't think I'm being attacked for sharing speculation so much as these particular fans took offense that I'm pointing out that Jensen is, well, an imperfect human. And they didn't have to read my posts--that's just it. Why does it matter if a lone, small-time blogger, is saying something opposite of what they think and feel? I'm not hunting them down, am I? No. I stick to my little corner here.

Okay. Now that's out of the way... let's address what you said.

do you ever think just for a little bit, that you might be wrong?

All the time. It's called being an imperfect human. Not just about Jensen, about everything. Hell, in one screenplay I've been writing on and off (based in the late 1800s) I actually consult my historian daughter-in-law. I'm not joking either.

having so many angry people come and tell you that you're wrong, doesn't that make you doubt yourself?

A dozen--and this is me being generous because their identity is protected through the anonymous feature--of people being pissed at me is not "many" and no... it wouldn't.

Now, if they had concrete proof of anything that I said was wrong, I would actually retract what I said. When it was already pointed out to me that I got an Austin property and the Colorado condo incorrect, I apologized right in the open! When I get a piece of fact wrong, I do apologize. Even if it killed me.

So far, I haven't really seen anything concrete that says I'm wrong. And no, sadly, "Jensen said so!" is not enough. Not when a lot of what he's said is contradictory or an outright lie. (Example: Prequelgate.)

if you were a little bit more humble and a little less entitled, you would consider that you are human too, therefore you're just as prone to making mistakes as anyone else.

Please point out where I arrogantly stated that I knew better than anyone. That I alone knew better than anyone. Please. I beg you. And "entitled" is a strong word, but I'll roll with it. Because... I am entitled to share my opinion on just about anything. Just as you and others are entitled to feel pissed off about it. (Though you are not entitled to the protection of anonymous responses.)

The vast majority of what I've shared and written has been agreed upon by other Jensen Ackles fans and even non-fans! You think I came to some observations on my own?? Or that I didn't wrestle with it for months?

maybe you should research better your sources, some of the people you've been talking to have said before that they just like to rile people up, they've admited to making up stuff just for fun.

You mean like... oh... AustinAmy? Or Abi? Jensen Ackles fans who lied? Them?

And, um. Who do you think I've been getting information from? @walker-girl? @its-sassyboots? Or @hologramcowboy? Or @neecy83? Or @jarpadswalker? Or @supernaturalconvert? (My sincerest apologies to those I tagged. Ahem.)

In actuality? None of them.

Most of what I've mentioned, brought up, were through my own two eyes and ears. I read articles. I watched con panels. I observed pictures that I found through public media. Some, sure, were screenshots that were preserved, thankfully, when Danneel went on a deletion spree to hide her hideous behavior, but most... public. Social media. I didn't 'talk' to anyone.

I did it myself. Why do you think it takes a while for new posts? Because I vet them as much as possible!

And who is making stuff up? Please. I'd love to know.

you also have a dignosed sociopath among your sources, which means they cannot understand emotions.

Er. Who? Because again... I'm not getting anything from just one person. I vet as much as possible or ask for videos. For proof.

there's also a troll in disguise, who brags about making people like you believe anything, and then laughs their ass of when you people start making theories based on their bs.

Again: You mean like AustinAmy and/or Abi? Or Cynifer? Or Dot? Because those so-called members of the Ackles Army are the ones spreading lies.

No one I've spoken to. Because again--I ask for proof. Why do you think I asked about the videos that were sent to me? So I could see for myself.

And I'm still waiting for anyone to point out whatever I wrote is wrong... and back it up.

(Opinions, however, will always be opinions. I guess I do need to state in plain English that some of what I've stated is speculation and I have every right to write my speculations.)

seriously, is it that crazy to believe that Jensen really loves the woman he married?

Yes.

Because he himself stated that his marriage works better when they're apart. That he himself said that when Danneel was on the set of Supernatural, he couldn't be himself. That he himself said that more than once when he came home, she'd hand him the keys and take off herself.

Because a lot of his stories read very generic. There's nothing specific. Just "Danneel likes French food and French music." Okay? When a con or two ago, it was Italian food. Or he'd go sit outside and watch the kids run around. Where's the heart? Where's the specific thing that would stand out in a memory--like maybe while he was moving furniture upon Danneel's direction, he snagged his pants against something and she had to free him while laughing her ass off?

Not to mention, in a lot of photos, there's no genuine affection. It reads like a business arrangement more than a love story. Their kisses in public? And no, I'm not saying they need to be tongue deep to show a kiss. I'm saying their kisses read like cold fish, with his lips so closed and desperately pulling away all the time.

Even Danneel has more open affection and warmth with a family friend than she does her own husband!

So... yes. It is hard to believe.

I've not seen any genuine love or warmth from Danneel--not in anything she's said to do, or done to him. And Jensen... same for him, from him, about her.

Look, anon, I get it.

As hard as it sounds, I am passionate about Jensen. I've been a big fan since his time on Days of Our Lives. I've seen him grow and then stagnate as an actor. I've seen him go from this open, slightly shy and reserved young man to... to this. I could show you, nearly, a timeline of seeing him being bright and full of energy to someone who looks like he's dying inside. This isn't an attack, I promise you.

It's an observation. No, it's not a projection (as I've been accused). It's someone who grew up in an abusive household (like Jensen with his father; his own words) and learned how to read people in order to survive. As a result, I could tell when someone was devastated even before they were ready to talk about it. I was the person people turned to for a shoulder because they knew I'd listen and actually care.

It's how I made my own family.

It's how I came into having a daughter.

I'm not sharing this to toot my horn, anon.

Because isn't it possible... that maybe I'm the one who is right? And it's shattering a vision of an actor who should be seen as an imperfect human being as opposed to the perfect man with the perfect marriage and the perfect career?

[catofoldstones]

I'm sorry but the post breaking down the Arya-Jeyne-North angle makes no sense. The Boltons are claiming Winterfell through the marriage to Arya aka Jeyne who is considered the Lady of Winterfell by her own birthright. They're not trying to claim Winterfell was given to them by the crown or no longer belongs to the Starks. Ramsay didn't even want to get married at Winterfell when Roose made the call to move the wedding location from Barrowton. He's claiming himself Lord of Winterfell the same way he claimed himself Lord of Hornwood through the forced marriage to Lady Donella and even Lady Dustin says him keeping his title is dependent on how he treats his wife. He needs the marriages to claim those titles, not the other way around. At no point in Dance is Jeyne ever considered Lady Bolton, she's always called Lady Arya. That's like arguing Sansa's marriage to Tyrion means the claim to Winterfell comes from Tyrion, not Sansa.

You can argue that Jeyne and Ramsay's marriage is invalid because both got married under false pretenses as the bride was pretending to be someone else, but that wouldn't negate Arya's position as Lady of Winterfell if she intends to claim the title. I think it's intentional on GRRM's part to make the question of Stark succession jumbled enough that all five of them can technically stake their claim whether through birth order, sex, legitimized degrees, might makes right and the power behind them, or simply having the claim bestowed on them before the others make themselves known.

Buckle up, it’s a long one.

I am going to go on a limb here and presume you didn’t read the whole post, did you? I literally said it a million and one times that Arya’s claim comes from her being a Stark. That is the entire point of my post.

The north believing that Jeyne is Arya (“Lady Aryq”) doesn’t make Arya Jeyne or the Lady of Winterfell by proxy. Y’all are literally running around in circles here, nothing makes sense. At one point you are claiming that Ramsay is claiming his authority through Arya because she already is the lady of Winterfell and on the other hand you’re saying that bringing Arya to the north and marrying her to Ramsay made her the Lady of Winterfell in the eyes of the Northern Lords and the readers. Make it make sense. Anyway, Lady is a title granted to all noblewomen of higher houses, a lot like how Miss/Mister worked in the 1800s to now (sort of). Arya would be Lady Arya of House Stark regardless of whether she is the heir to House Stark or not. The Lady Stark or the Lady of Winterfell will only be Catelyn Stark as it is a social position granted to the wife of the head of the House. If she had a sister-in-law, say Benjen didn’t go to the nights watch and got married, that woman would also be Lady Stark (or Lady her-maiden-name) but she would not be the Lady of Winterfell, are you getting me? The people here could be referring to Arya as ‘Lady’ because she’s a highborn girl and comes from the most noble house of the north. That makes her one of the people with the highest social standing; which I feel warrants the use of the word Lady, not to be confused with the feudal position.

I know you’re trying to play the whole Arya is the last of Starks and that is why she is the Lady of Winterfell and that is from where the Boltons are legitimising their claim to the north. But Arya is not the last of the Starks. She still has an older sister (that they know is alive when they decided on the marriage) and two brothers whose claim is superior to hers no matter how you argue. On top of that, the girl that is actually married to Ramsay is not even Arya. Arya is in Braavos training with the faceless men. Regardless, never once throughout the books, is she called the head of house stark or lady stark or the lady of Winterfell and have that be given as a reason as to why the North should fight for her. She is ‘Ned’s precious little girl’ and that is enough. Literally pulled Lady of Winterfell out of your ass.

“They’re not trying to claim the north was given to them by the crown or no longer belonging to the starks” is an insane statement to make when the royal decree is literally the only leg they have to stand on, and that they are now the unequivocal lords of Winterfell is literally exactly what they’re claiming. Bruh. Bobby B winning the crown by conquest is still valid but the Baratheons being distant cousins of the Targaryens helped. The Boltons need Stark blood to strengthen their claim not create a claim from a non-existent one, which is why they married “Arya” and which is also exactly why just any girl, and not Arya herself, worked. It is all for show.

Okay, scratch all of that. Let me make it simple. The Bolton’s claim to the north literally comes from being granted the north by royal decree. Marrying “Arya Stark” just gives the loyal northerners less reason to fight against Bolton rulership. So the Bolton derive their authority by literally being given the North by the crown after killing Robb Stark and hope to retain that claim in front of the northern lords by seemingly marrying “Arya Stark”. The former is legally and politically important. The latter is socially important. If the North wasn’t actually granted to the Boltons, Ramsay marrying Arya wouldn’t have done jack to their claim, sorry. Which leads me to the latter, having a political marriage between the Boltons and the Starks reduces the chances of a revolt by the “more loyal” northern lords. “Even Lady Dustin says him keeping his title depends on how he treats his wife”. Yes, so as to not anger the northern lords. If his claim was from the ladyship of his wife, then it wouldn’t have depended on how he treated her. Eg. Lady Hornwood. How are you proving my own point here.

Ramsay doesn’t derive his authority from his wife who is the Lady of Winterfell. He doesn’t even derive it from his wife. He married a “Stark” because it merely quells the rumbling of a revolt and makes the Boltons more palpatable as Wardens of the North. Moreover, if they were deriving the claim from Arya then Ramsay would be the Lord of Winterfell but he’s not, Roose is. If the Boltons really wanted to lay a claim to the north by marrying Arya, then they would have torn apart heaven and earth to find the real one and married the her, and that too to Roose, not Ramsay. But they can’t, because she inherently doesn’t hold that power. This also doesn’t mean that she is less of a Stark so don’t think I am trying to say that.

Do you think if hypothetically Lord Manderly married his son to Arya, would that automatically make him the liege lord of the north? Does marrying Lysa to Jon Arryn make Jon Arryn’s father the ruling lord of the Riverlands? Does it even make Jon the ruling lord of the riverlands? Even if Hoster and Edmure were dead, neither Jon Arryn nor his father would have no claim to the Riverlands. Where is this logic even coming from? It’s clearly not in universe. Your argument about Lady Hornwood holds no water because there was no royal decree that proclaimed him as the Lord of Hornwood. If there was, he wouldn’t need to marry Lady Hornwood herself, even any of her daughters to appease her subjects because her subjects are not noble houses with armies of their own. Hornwood is not the entirety of the North. The North is half the continent and therefore holds much more political sway. Hornwood is a small House. How are you even drawing parallels here? The Boltons won’t just hand wave away the royal fucking decree for no good reason especially when they stabbed and betrayed their own King for it. What made you even think of this???

Lastly, this is not GRRM trying to muddle the Stark succession. This is GRRM trying to show the reader that sometimes people with less social standing and power are abused simply because those higher than them can get away with it. He means to say that this is something that will not happen to someone from a bigger House. This was to highlight the inherently lopsided, power-imbalanced, oppressive system that is cruel to those it deems weak.

[the-scouts-codex]

Scout: Ok, I have had this little prompt in my Docs for a while and now decided to post it. ｍ(｡≧Д≦｡)ｍ

This takes place during the "Glorious Masquerade"event. This can be read as a one shot or even a full length work. Each part connects and can be its own beginning. I hope you all enjoy these.

First up is Epel.

Word count: Around 1800 words.

Can I have this dance?

The Noble Bell Lecture Hall was the perfect place to hold a Masquerade. The school was elegant, dignified, decorous; the very place itself looked and felt sacred. All of those things and the antiquity of the school itself pulled the whole event together. It was something out of a fantasy book back at home; a dream. Now, Renmu was living that fantasy as a reality. If it wasn't for the series of unfortunate events that took place just the night before, Renmu would almost wish they could come back again next year.

With those things in mind, Renmu had never been to social gatherings before. What was he supposed to do? Was there a book on things like this? A rule book? A manual or a "How To” guide? Anything? He knew just standing there would make him look silly but then again, he would just look silly if he tried to look like he was doing something. Grim was no help since he was long gone. He went with Ruggie to the buffet table to eat. So much for sticking together. There were so many faces he didn’t recognize that it was driving him crazy. Though it didn't seem like anyone was judging him or staring at him. In fact, many others weren’t even concerned about what to do or what was right and or wrong. So many boys ranging from NRC, RSA, and NBC were mixing in the lecture hall, talking, laughing, and dancing with a familiar face or an acquainted one. They were all putting their differences behind them and associating as equals hand in hand. 

Renmu was going to just find somewhere to sit and wait the rest of the night out but someone tapped him on the shoulder. Renmu spun around to realize it was Epel. 

“Can I…have this Dance, Renmu?” Epel asked.

Renmu was surprised that Epel was asking him to dance with him, not that there was anything wrong with Epel. He gave Renmu something to talk about since their history of farming was shared. Also, he was a fellow freshman and a friend. Epel was still expecting an answer from Renmu, his hand still being offered for Renmu to take. Renmu had’t realized that he hadn’t answered and was keeping him waiting. Renmu nodded softly, taking the smaller boy's hand. Epel led them to the dance floor, never letting go of the Prefect's hand. It was kind of embarrassing for Renmu. He was kinda glad that his mask concealed his face a bit. Once Epel stopped, he took the lead and began their dance. 

It was kinda awkward since their heights made it a bit difficult. Epel was noticeably shorter than the Ramshackle Prefect. They were doing a Foxtrot. In this world, it was called a Houndstep. It was quite simple since there were less spins than a waltz would. The only thing was that Epel had a hard time placing his hands correctly on Renmu’s back and keeping up with his steps. The silence was a bit nerve wracking for Renmu. He looked around them. Everyone was off in their own little worlds to care that Epel was leading their dance and he was the smaller one here. In fact, some did stop to stare but only because they were the talk of the Masquerade right now.

“I-I thought you were going to say no…” Epel finally spoke softly. “You…didn't seem interested.” 

Renmu shook his head. “I wasn’t expecting to be asked to dance. Especially from you, Epel.” 

“Oh…why is that?” Epel asked dejectedly. 

Renmu now registered what he just said and how Epel perceived it. “Iie, Iie, Iie, I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just, you’re not the one to like dancing, especially not in a setting like this.” Renmu explained. “I know Vil-Senpai makes you do things like this, even when you don’t want to.” 

“O-Oh, yeah well, Vil said if I was to ask all gentleman-like, then I could have a better chance at getting a dance.” Epel replied. 

“Ah, so you asked Vil-Senpai how to me if I wanted to dance?” Renmu asked smugly. 

Epel flushed red as the fairest queen's lips. “T-That's not what I meant!” Epel shouted. “Vil drilled basic ballroom manners n’ etiquette into mah noggin’ before I left. I was needin’ some’n to show fer it.”  

Renmu laughed. He loved it when Epel reverted back to his country boy self. Sometimes he was hard to follow but he loved to hear it nonetheless.

 Epel took a step forward and ended up stepping right on the Prefect’s foot, causing him to stumble into him. Renmu caught him and held him up. Now Epel was really embarrassed. Epel sighed. “Don’t tell Vil about that embarrassing fall…” 

Renmu couldn’t help but laugh at his request. “I won’t tell, Epel.” 

Epel gave Renmu a soft smile before speaking again. “So,” Epel started as he pulled away from Renmu. “Did you wanna lead now?” 

“Oh, you want me to lead?” Renmu asked. “I thought you would prefer to lead our dance since you asked.”

Epel shook his head. “I-I don’t mind if it's you after all. Besides, I think it would be best if I just asked you to take the lead…”

Renmu waited for a moment before offering his hand to Epel which he gladly took. Renmu placed his other hand at the center of the Pomefiore students' back and Eepl put his other hand on the Prefect’s shoulder. Renmu picked up where they left off just moments ago. Epel would have been opposed if anyone was to lead a dance with him. He wanted to be the one in control, the manly one. But when it came to Renmu, he stopped caring for some reason. Maybe it was because it was Renmu. Renmu never judged him for wanting to be manly at his size. He knew that the very idea of being small bothered Epel so Renmu always supported him when he needed it or assured him that he was manly just the way he was. Then again, it made Epel sometimes want to prove his manliness even more when it was Renmu. 

“Renmu, did Riddle tell ya about how I held mah own out there on mah broom?” Epel asked excitedly.

Renmu nodded. “I did. I heard about all your heroic efforts. I'm happy to have classmates like you guys.” 

Epel wasn’t expecting such a response. He was just trying to gloat a little bit to the Prefect. Epel didn’t know what else to say now. 

Renmu smiled. “Sono Toori. I don't know what I would do without you guys sometimes.” 

“W-Well you can rely on me to help you out, Renmu. I’m strong and ther ain’t nothin’ that can get n’ mah way!” 

Renmu chuckled deep in his chest. “Arigato, Epel.” 

Their conversation soon trailed off as their dance continued. This time with Renmu taking the lead, their steps were in sync and the rotations smooth. Their capelets swayed with each step and rotation they made. Renmu dipped Epel low and gracefully. Epel sputtered like a fish at Renmu as he held the smaller boy from fully falling to the floor. Renmu just smiled brightly at him and pulled him back up into a spin. Epel laughed as Renmu kept them twirling around. They weren’t even dancing correctly anymore. 

To Epel, the way Renmu looked, amongst the other twirling pairs in the room, illuminated by the warm glow of the chandeliers, made him look so ethereal. He looked manly even. Like Malleus did in his attire. He looked like a prince. He looked as though he fit the atmosphere, like he was made for it all.

“Ah, ya make me feel like ya darlin’ when ya do that.” Epel mumbled, his cheeks as red as his apple blossom mask.

“Ah, Gomenasai.” Renmu muttered. 

  Epel looked adorable with his mask on. The apple blossoms around his eyes were pretty and complemented his lavender hair. It was fun that they all got to dress up for the occasion. Everyone's outfit represented them in more ways than one. No one looked the same and yet they all fit the part so nicely. Renmu really hoped that they could have more opportunities like this in the future. Yeah there were times where they were fighting for their lives before they could even enjoy the fun things but even the bad things made memories. Renmu wanted to look back one day and say “Ne, Ne, remember when we got tricked into going to a ball at Noble Bell College and almost got killed by Rollo and Firelotus'?’ Then we got to dance the night away afterwards because y'know, we saved the day?” Those very things made memories and brought them together and Renmu loved every bit of it. Or maybe Renmu was starting to become twisted like the rest of them. 

“Hey Renmu, look!” Epel suddenly shouted. 

Renmu whipped his head around in the direction Epel was looking in. At first Renmu was confused on what Epel was looking at until he saw Rook. Rook was dancing with Neige, but that wasn’t the problem. Rook was balling his eyes out as he danced with the Royal Sword student. Neige was all too happy to be dancing with Rook but it seemed that Rook wasn’t ready for that step in their relationship. 

Neige reached up and wiped away his tears which made him cry even more. Epen and Renmu shook their hands in disappointment. 

“Poor Rook-Senpai…” Renmu chuckled. 

“Vil would be appalled to see Rook shed a tear for his biggest rival.” Epel muttered. 

“Let’s just hope he doesn't find out.” Replied Renmu.

Epel shuddered. “We wouldn't hear the end of it if he did.”

The song started to come to an end. They finished the last couple of box steps and unhooked their arms. Everyone took a step back and bowed at their partners. The lecture hall, once filled with the lively music from the orchestra, erupted in a round of applause. 

“Uh, thanks for dancing with me, Renmu,” Epel said over the loud applause. “That was actually pretty fun for a change.” 

“Yes, I had fun too.” Renmu said with a smile. “I’m glad I got to have this dance with you. My first dance at that.” 

Epel couldn’t help but smile. “Well, ima go get some food. See ya later!”  

Renmu watched the smaller first year run off through the crowd, his cape billowing behind him. With the next song starting soon. Renmu needed to get off the floor and out of the way. He just now needed to find something else to do. 

“Renmu!” 

Renmu turned around to find Deuce running up to him. Deuce weaved around the other students, muttering apologies as he ran around them. Once he got face to face with the Ramshackle Prefect he took a deep breath and yelled…

The next part can be found here. Deuce

[pynkhues]

hey i wanted to ask, do you have opinions or hcs on how knowledgeable is louis aabout BDSM? Do you think he read on subject or he just goes with a heart? How proper do you think his BDSM dynamic would potentially be? I mean, would it involve discussions, safe words, aftercare etc. Or would it be more on the spur of the moment?

It's just my brain was plagued by thoughts what would louis do if lestat accidentally sub dropped during scene. NGL I can't imagine louis handling it very gracefully (sorry, louis)

Also, ideas of louis experiencing domdrop are very delicious too. I doubt he actually feels guilt or shame for being dom, but domdrop would make him irrational. And lestat would be very alarmed and confused what's happening with louis.

Sorry for long ask😶 love your work!

Don't apologise, anon! It's actually been something I've been thinking about too, both as I've been writing this fic, but also just in general because I'm kind of fascinated about how the eras / times they live through both interact with and inform these parts of the their characters.

Because here's the thing: BDSM wasn't actually a term in the 1940s when Louis and Armand decided to explore it. That's not to say that people didn't engage in BDSM (there are plenty of examples of fetish artwork dating back thousands of years, and as I mentioned in this post, Marquis de Sade was writing in the 1700s prettty obscene and deplorable sado-masochistic work), but there really wasn't a shared language then in the way that we have now.

In fact, Louis and Armand entering that relationship in the 1940s in the aftermath of WWII almost feels pretty specific, given it was that post-WWII era that gave birth to the leather movement which in turn provided the soil for BDSM to grow into what we know it as today. The result is that that specific time period marked the shift of BDSM from a counterculture to a part of culture; however, it took a little longer to come back to Paris, which had a booming fetish industry in the pre-war period, but was traumatised from Nazi occupation and as a result wouldn't bounce back really until the sexual revolution in the 1960s.

Louis' hardly sexually naive given his past career as a pimp, but I do think it's worth noting that he became a Dom in a period where there wasn't the same degree of understanding there is now about the psychology of it all, nor a universal sense of what might be 'best practice', and he did it with someone he felt both a disconnect to and a resentment of (which 2.05 makes very clear), which - - y'know! Isn't the healthiest way to engage in that sort of dynamic at the best of times.

But in answering your questions more specifically - - do I think he read up on the topic? Yeah, a bit, but I think it'd be more likely he read older texts that probably....wouldn't be giving a healthy perspective on it by modern standards. Given his reading list in New Orleans featured books like Origin of the Species, Marriage in a Free Society and Madame Bovary - all books published in the 1800s despite it being between 1910 and 1940 - I do think he tends to lean towards older books that form part of cultural canons (it's the snob in him, haha). In which case I think he probably would've read some of Marquis de Sade's work (which, yikes) and probably Venus in Furs and The Romance of Lust.

Given most of the more classic modern BDSM books by today's standards were published really in the 60s and 70s, I kinda feel like Louis and Armand were probably too embedded into their dynamic to change it or be overly interested in reading about it? Which is all a round about way of saying that I don't think Louis would have great etiquette as a dom at all, no, haha, and I think he'd probably more just be getting a read of the situation and following his own instincts and perhaps Armand's too. I can see them buying things - the whips, floggers and cast iron dog bowl (the latter of which always gives me pause!) we can see in their bedroom, for instance - and leaving them out for each other to see as a means of discussion over, y'know, actual discussion.

I do wonder too in terms of the role Louis and Armand being able to read each other's minds plays too. If they can get a sense of what might get the other off that way which feels like its own type of discussion or consent (even if its not actually an articulated discussion or consent). It's interesting to contemplate what that might mean in terms of dom or sub drops like you said, and especially as a comparison point to it happening with Lestat and Louis who don't have the same capacity to know what's going on in the other's head.

I do think if Lestat and Louis were to explore that together, it would be in scenes as opposed to a lifestyle like it was with Armand and Louis though, which is a different dynamic in and of itself, and yes! Okay, your ask was long, but my reply has been way longer, haha, so I'll leave it there for now. It's a really interesting space to think about though.

[kuruk]

what is that person in that post about porn even trying to say help 😭 13k notes ...

help I saw that on my dash like several times already enough is enough.. I think it might be partly a response to when someone called people who read those trashy tiktok romance novels "porn addicts" and then someone responded to that saying written erotica isn't the same as porn and going "porn addict" to someone for reading trashy romance novels is just odd. which like to be fair it literally isn't the same 😭 awful novels yeah and embarrassing too but it's not like porn doesn't cause real harm in the real world.. and this is a response to a different post I saw now that reminded me of this, but I think it's not smart to be like "well men in the 1800s didn't respect women either" Erm okay.. just because things aren't worse overall doesn't mean certain aspects haven't worsened or that new aspects of misogyny haven't risen from it like sure men were still misogynists before porn that doesn't mean there's no harm just because you believe the net difference isn't negative 😑 which I'm not saying that post was saying, just something I saw recently that its implications kind of reminded me of since overall on tumblr I've been seeing a lot of posts about porn that just kind of annoy me a bit because I think it usually just is missing some of tbe point.. and I don't say this to comment on the porn habits of the people who post these btw everyone on tumblr is like gay or something so whatever that's not what I'm caring about here but like yeah..

"nasty perverted sicko misogynist fetish porn made by and for disgusting sicknasty pervert men" "cute and wholesome and feminist and queer liberated erotica feminist lesbian moomins porn" <- saying these words to make a sarcastic point is just kind of like well okay help sorruy like what do you mean by that 😭 like I get it I just think it doesn't make sense and kind of brushing off real arguments about porn to act like it's an exaggeration to talk about misogyny when discussing porn and like there's not any differences at all between porn websites and trashy romance novels for women.. the state of porn today and the way men consume it and how it affects their interactions with and views on real women (especially important to me to consider the way it always reinforces white men's racist domination fantasies) is just like something I still care about I get white straight women who read about their domestic abuse fantasies are annoying and sick in the head and aren't real book lovers but criticism about porn isn't about how "weird" women think it is it's a lot more important than that.. 😑

[phociian]

So yesterday (Dec. 14) was Alexander Hamilton and Elizabeth Schuyler's anniversary. They got married in 1780. It was also the anniversary of George Washington's death in 1799.

Washington died between 10 and 11 P.M. of a severe throat infection (though I will argue that the bloodletting his doctors did is what actually killed him) at his beloved plantation of Mount Vernon with his eternally devoted wife at his side. His final words were instructions to his secretary, Tobias Lear, that he was not to be buried immediately (he was terrified of being buried alive) and then he said "'Tis well," before his death.

Anyway, I wanted to make this post because I've been researching (like I said in my previous post) a lot lately and I fell down the Lafayette/Napoleon rabbit hole. (BTW, Napoleon was really good, I was not expecting it.) Anyway, I found out that they had a memorial service for Washington in France in February 1800 and everyone expected Lafayette (who if I'm not mistaken had his French citizenship taken away at this point, methinks, making him a man without a country) to give the eulogy, seeing as how, y'know... he knew the man and served under him??? Napoleon, asshole that he was, didn't invite him/allow him to attend. Poor Lafayette, who was always so loving and loyal to Washington, could not attend his funeral in Virginia, or his memorial in France. Though, during his tour of the United States in 1824, he visited Mount Vernon with his secretary and I think also Georges Washington de Lafayette and George Washington Parke Custis, who gifted him with a ring that contained locks of both General Washington and Lady Washington's hair and was engraved with the phrase "Pater Patriae" which means "Father of the Country." Lafayette visited the tomb where the Washingtons were buried(? entombed?) alone and came out with tears in his eyes. He then took the two Frenchmen by the hands, guided them inside where they knelt by the coffins and kissed it in respect. Also, Lafayette wrote Mrs. Washington after he found out about her husband's passing to give his condolences and that letter was one of the very few that Martha answered herself, instead of letting one of the secretaries doing it. She also sent him two pistols that Washington had left him in his will. They were British pistols taken from the enemy during the Revolutionary War.

Anyway, there's a handful of fun lil facts about Washington's death/his relationship with Lafayette.

[booksandabeer]

Catching up

I got tagged approximately one million years ago by @burberrycanary 💙 and @somanywords 💛. Sorry it took me so long! 😬

Last song: I don't know the exact song, but I've been listening to the album Cat Power Sings Dylan: The 1966 Royal Albert Hall Concert a lot. I'm not a particuarly big fan of Bob Dylan, or a fan at all, really. However, I am absolutely a die-hard fan of Cat Power and I think that Chan Marshall is probably the best cover artist of...all time? Well, certainly of her generation. That's not to shade her original compositions, which I also love, but she's brilliant at taking songs that you thought you could no longer listen to because they've been played ad nauseam everywhere for decades, and then teasing something fresh and original and truly moving out of them. Listen to her covers of "I'll Be Seeing You" or "Mr. Tambourine Man" or even "New York, New York" and tell me they don't excite you in any way (if they don't, I suspect you have no soul). She's even great at covering herself! Please go and listen to her 2008 cover of her own 1998 song "Metal Heart" right now. It's one of my all-time faves and also, yes absolutely a Stucky song.

Relationship status: I have a person.

Sweet/spicy/savory: Everything all at once, please.

Favorite color: Blue, blue, blue. International Klein Blue to be precise. I cannot get enough of it. Also, I will die on the hill that chartreuse is actually a great color.

Last movie: The Last Stop in Yuma County which was a fun neo-western/crime thriller that didn't take itself too seriously and didn't outstay its welcome. Imagine that! A 90-minute movie. They still make those! Wild. If you like Tarantino and/or the Coen Brothers, but played at a faster, snappier tempo, you will probably enjoy this one too.

Last show: So many. Bodkin, which is the epitome of "this show doesn't know what it wants to be." Is it a quirky comedy? A crime show? A (very tepid) satire? It's not like you can't combine these genres, but the show doesn't combine them, it swings wildly between them. The ending was terrible. I've finally started watching Hacks (a delight!) and I'm still slowly making my way through Kings (only 2 episodes left). Also following along with the new season of IWTV, which remains an absolutely bonkers show. If *this* is what made it into the final cut, can you imagine what didn't? Oh, to be allowed to read the studio notes for this one!

Last thing I googled: The origin and meaning of a Norse/Russian name. For reasons.

Current obsession: The Terror brainrot is still going stong. I have learned so much about Arctic Exploration in the 1800s over the past few weeks. Also, in a curious turn of events, I have started reading Masters of the Air fanfic? I was unfortunately pretty disappointed with the show. I had hoped it would trigger a level-11 hyperfixation but instead it just kinda came and went and I didn't even think about it anymore. Then an author, who I still follow because they used to write Stucky, started posting one Buck/Bucky (yes, they are two different characters) fic after another, and one day I said, 'Why not give it a shot?' Well, here we are, tens of thousands of words later, and for the first time in my life I'm beginning to understand the people whose general fandom attitude is 'I don't care for the source material at all, but the fic! Oh the fic compels me!' I have been compelled. I'm now a person who reads fanfiction for a pairing that includes a character played by Austin Butler (sorry Butler heads, I just don't get it).

Wonders never cease.

--

Like I said, I got tagged for this ages ago, so I don't know who's done this (recently). I'm gently tagging @bromcommie, @aimmyarrowshigh, @zenaidamacrouras1, @shackleton2 and @hail-americas-ass. Also, I mean it when I say I want to know what everyone else is watching/eating/obsessing over/etc. Tell me! Open tag for everyone who wants to do this.

[bookishtheaterlover7]

WOO! Had to go through high or hell water, but a blessing in the form of the mysterious new friend 🎄 helped me get the info I need

Now... Let's drag this pretentious bitch through the mud again, shall we..?

For starters, let's admire the "bride"😜

Well, well... They actually made the Wicked Witch of the East (West is Elphaba, I will not drag her with this bitch) look good. Even 👸 said she actually liked the lipstick and wearing a good outfit, covering what everyone has already seen too much of, and choosing black, to mourn her lost Instagram followers? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

And what is with that position?! She also hates the little bow on the dress, it's indicative of Albitch's Lolita personality (in my words, AS IF THE BITCH NEEDED TO REMIND EVERYONE). And those cold black eyes 😆 What is with the bow below? Most people would have the bow at the waist! (I told her that Albitch doesn't have curves to accentuate 🙃)

👸 is being a savage today and I'm loving it!!!

Honestly, she's right, as always 😆 and the thing with Albitch's stupid ass position it kinda reminds me of Cinderella's step sisters 🤭

And she actually wears something other than crop tops?!😵 And really? A babydoll dress? Could you be anymore obvious, Albitch?!

And one last thing... FUCKING FIX YOUR POSITIONS, YOU WANNABE!!!

Onto the topic of Chris...

Their rings don't fucking match! What married couple doesn't have matching rings?! This isn't the 1800s where only the bride wears the ring. Both husband and wife, are supposed to have a ring. They might not wear it all the time, but they do have rings! But these two? You put their photos right next to each other, and it looks like someone told them to each buy a ring without knowing what the other even looked like 🤭☕

His is some form of gold. Still doesn't fit... And hers, are silver, dull and fucking loose!!!

Sidebar~

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by alba updates (@albaupdates)

Thank you 👸 for showing me this vid, I needed that laugh 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Albitch, do you seriously don't know what to do with your hands? With all your slutty posts, I thought you'd be an expert by now 🤭 I guess that's why you never show them in pictures you post...

And another thing. This goes to all of the people who thought she's hiding because she's pregnant...

DOES SHE LOOK REMOTELY PREGNANT TO YOU?! YOU'RE FUCKING DELULU!!!

And we're back to Chris...

Yeah those wedding rings are seriously not matching. And no matter how you spin it, there's absolutely zero reason for those two to not match. Unless neither knew what the other bought in which case...

THEY'RE EXPOSING THEMSELVES!!!!

Just like how Albitch appearing without Chris only confirms our suspicions, that he's in MA, with his family, DEFINITELY WITHOUT HIS LOVING NEW BRIDE 😁

Now, isn't that just couple goals... 🙄

I mean Dodger will actually have a happy Thanksgiving this year, because his Daddy would actually smell nice and not have his wicked Step-Mother

Oh, I forgot! 👸 rewatched Chris' NYCC panel, and at 10:14 of the video...

She told me, it's really hard to notice, and I didn't but after two tries I did too, that Chris mentions that he has to use treats to get Dodger to come near him, because, "sometimes stuff happens"...

I'm sorry, but WHAT STUFF HAPPENED THAT MAKES DODGER NOT WANT TO BE NEAR YOU, CHRISTOPHER?!

I know it sounds like a stretch, and probably a major conspiracy theory. But come on! Dodger is the least shy dog on the internet! He loves new friends, in dog and human form.

And he's a dog who, like his Dad, loves to show affection, and receive it. There's no way, Dodger would avoid people, unless, and my dog is like this, they've had a bad experience with that person, and they don't trust them. Even just the scent might have them stay away. 🤔🧐

TL;DR

🎄 is an angel sent from the heavens to have helped me. 👸 is SAVAGE today with the sick burns. Albitch looks decent, but her positions, and the fact that literally EVERYTHING but the ring shines is another Red Flag 🚩(we're about to run out of room for these flags). Chris and her have rings that don't fucking match. Dodger might be having a happy Thanksgiving because his wicked Step-Mother is as far from MA as she can be (Green card, what? She doesn't know her🤭)

Oh, and...

Happy Thanksgiving to those that celebrate it 😁🍗

[onthewaytosomewhere]

20 questions for fic writers

alright i've been tagged on this a few times so guess it's time to do it....i mean i do luv tag games :)

thanks for the tags @taste-thewaste @agostobuwan @tailsbeth-writes

How many works do you have on ao3?

13- one of which is 25 fics i posted as chapters for a holiday/seasonal themed december thing - most my early work is elsewhere and i didn't do any writing for a good chunk of years lolz

What's your total ao3 word count?

76,771 (most of this was written since nov '23)

What fandoms do you write for?

RWRB currently may dip my toes into 911 at some point (my only non-rwrb fic on ao3 is marvel lol)

Top five fics by kudos:

Ring on His Finger, Putty in HIs Hands (firstprince)

Third Times a Charm? (Darcy Lewis/Clint Barton)

i've got you acting like you want more (firstprince)

- like the way you work it - (firstprince)

gotta sign 'em all (firstprince)

Do you respond to comments?

yes

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

the only thing i can think of that would be angsty towards the end would be Santa Tell Me from my Holiday Bits and Bobs - it was pretty much 1800 words of angst

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

probably the second hand unwinds - it was one of my hey sweetheart fics and is pretty much just shy of 3700 words of alex being a sap (and the boys being cute girl!dads)

Do you get hate on fics?

um not hate - but recently a weird 'that couldn't have happened cuz of yada yada' kind of comment

Do you write smut?

LOLZ - that's like most of what i write *gigglesnorts*

Craziest crossover:

don't have any of these

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i don't think so

Have you ever had a fic translated?

nope

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

not yet! but i'm super excited to work on the one with @agostobuwan💚

All time favorite ship?

omg - i don't know that's too hard - i can tell you current fave is firstprince but my all time fave might actually be HP/CharlieW - maybe? or if we're going off amount i've read for it hp/dm or kirk/mccoy oh or bagginshield

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i had always planned go back and do more for my darcy/clint fic and make it into a series, but those ideas that got written down lamented away in a doc and are gone now lol

What are your writing strengths?

um....i don't know do i have these - i can write smut fairly well

What are your writing weaknesses?

i usually hafta go back and make sure i didn't just get uber prose-y and included enough dialogue - unless i'm doing it on purpose

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

cool if it works for the character - i really like when there's a translation somewhere - unless it's obvious what it means

First fandom you wrote in?

wrote in and posted somewhere - HP - followed closely by Idol RPF - i dabbled in other things that never got posted tho b4 that (the usuals for any 'lil geeky girl - star wars, star trek, angel, buffy

Favorite fic you've written?

idk - maybe something in your mouth cuz it just came togther so quickly and was fun to write (even if i intially thought it was gonna be smuttier lolz) or maybe my silly lil fairytale baby just say yes that topped out over 20k it's my first RWRB actual AU posted that wasn't just a small ficlet

alright so few quick tags to: @typicalopposite @adreamareads @inexplicablymine @stellarm

@sophie1973 @suseagull04 @hgejfmw-hgejhsf @itsmaybitheway

[aprillikesthings]

Something I've bitched and moaned about re: my writing is that I deeply struggle to write ~feelings~ and plot and conflict; I've described numerous fics of mine as "just enough plot to string sex scenes together."

But both of my she-ra wips have PLOT and FEELINGS and CONFLICT and I know this is part of why they're such a GOD DAMNED STRUGGLE OH MY GOD

ffs the 60's au is even a bit of a slow burn; a thing I have confidently said I'd never write because I didn't think I could

BUT

I do have a scene in my post-canon thing that involves an actual argument of sorts and that I'm stupidly proud of because I think it's hella in-character

the irony is that it's literally between two sex scenes--only one of which is currently written and which tbh is not my best smut writing

(part of the plot of the post-canon fic is that they're both REAL BAD at talking about things and start doing the "why would we talk about something painful and unpleasant when we can have sex instead, and voila now we both feel better, whew" thing, which works Great until It Doesn't. not that this is based on any relationships I've had. or anything. ha ha ha don't look at me like that.)

but yeah even if I did work on the post-canon fic enough to post the first part of it, this isn't until later so ....it might not ever see the light of day (by which I mean ao3)

ANYWAY DO YOU WANT TO READ IT it's a bit over 1800 words and rated somewhere between mature and explicit. also the sex is thigh-grinding because that's legally required in post-canon spop fics. (JOKING....mostly.)

[this is uhhhh like a couple of months after the end of the show? also the scene starts, like, immediately after they've just had sex one evening]

Catra relaxes into the bed, and they lie in an easy quiet for a moment before she rolls to face Adora. “We could have been doing this the whole time, before–you know.”

Adora doesn’t need to ask what “this” refers to. “What, back in the Horde?”

“Yeah. I mean, we managed to be alone enough, right?”

Adora winces. “I really don’t want to think about what would’ve happened if we’d been caught.”

“But did you want to?” Catra’s clearly trying to sound nonchalant and isn’t entirely succeeding. 

“Maybe? I don’t know? I knew I liked you, just not,” she waves a hand between their naked bodies. “--Like this. I think I forced myself not to think about it, and focused on training instead.”

“That’s true. Overachiever.” But there’s no venom in it, and Adora smiles for a moment before furrowing her eyebrows. 

“Wait, did you think about it?”

Catra rolls her eyes. “Duh. Unlike you, I knew that other people were doing stuff. Like, in supply closets and stuff.”

“Really? Who?”

“Pfft, it doesn’t matter now.” 

“But you thought about doing that with me? Making out in supply closets?” Adora can’t hide her grin. 

But Catra’s ears droop as she looks away. “Yeah. I did. All the time.” 

“Oh.” 

“Y’know, sometimes I actually thought you knew, and were just, I dunno. Pretending you didn’t.”

“Why would I have done that?!”

“I dunno. Because you didn’t want me back?”

Adora sighs and rolls onto her back. “I’m not sure I knew I could want you like that.” She thinks for a moment. “I knew I liked you. I knew I wanted to be around you as much as I could be without getting us into trouble. I knew I didn’t mind you rough-housing with me and that I liked doing it back. I knew I liked it when you slept on my bunk. Past that–I don’t know.” 

“How about this,” Catra says, “If I’d just like, kissed you one day, up on that platform where we used to hang out. Like, I dunno, just before you were made force captain. What would you have done.”

Adora closes her eyes and imagines it: the two of them up there, just like they did day after day, before everything else happened. Before the sight of Catra’s face had ever filled her with anger. And then she imagines that younger Catra turning towards her and kissing her. And the warmth that spreads through her is unmistakable. “I would have kissed you back.” 

“Yeah? You think so?”

“Yeah. But–” Adora cringes to herself. “I don’t–I don’t know that it would have changed any of what came after that, though. It would’ve been harder. But I still would’ve done it.”

Catra is silent for a long moment, enough to make Adora wish she hadn’t said anything. 

“No,” Catra sighs, “I know it wouldn’t have changed anything you did. I wonder if I might’ve left earlier, though.” 

“Wait, really?” Adora sits up to look at her. But Catra’s frowning and she has one arm over her eyes. 

“Before Hordak made me force captain, I actually told Shadow Weaver that maybe you had the right idea when you left. But then Hordak did make me force captain, and I was so fucking stubborn, and my stupid, stupid fucking pride–” Catra’s voice cracks at the end. 

“Catra, it’s okay.” She tries to tug Catra’s arm off her face but she resists. 

“It’s not! I hurt you, and myself, and so many other people, and for what? For what??” 

“Catra, look at me, please.” 

“No!” She yanks her arm from Adora’s grip and sits up but she faces away, curled up and hugging her knees, ears flat against her head.

Adora’s chest aches. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up.” 

“No, don’t apologize. You didn’t do anything wrong.” Catra sniffles. 

Adora reaches to put a hand on her shoulder. “Catra–”

But Catra jerks away from her and out of bed, and then she’s pulling on her clothes from the floor. Adora can see the tears running down Catra’s face, but she’s ignoring them.

“Catra?”

She still won’t look at Adora. “I’m sorry, I just need to go. I’ll be back.” And then she’s out on the balcony, and gone. 

Adora sits in shock for a moment before jumping out of bed, realizing she’s still naked, running back to pull on her sleep shirt and shorts, and then going out to the balcony to lean over it as she realizes: there’s no possible way she can find Catra if she doesn’t want to be found, especially if Melog finds her first.

She sits on the balcony leaning on the wall for long minutes, not knowing what to do. The night is silent outside of her own crying.

Adora eventually gets up, goes back into the bedroom, and gets back into bed. 

Hours later a shadow is on the balcony, and Catra silently walks back into the bedroom. 

“It’s okay, Catra, I’m awake.”

Catra startles. “Shit! Sorry.” 

“S’fine. I couldn’t sleep.” 

Catra doesn’t move at first, standing awkwardly next to the window. Adora can’t see her expression in the dark, other than the spooky glow of her eyes. She knows Catra can see hers, though, which isn’t fair. 

“Adora.” Her voice is thick with emotion. “I’m sorry.” 

“I know. It’s okay.” 

Catra shifts her weight from one foot to the other. “Can I come back to bed?”

“Yeah. Of course.” Adora pulls the covers back as Catra strips back down to her undies. Adora opens her arms so Catra can crawl into them, her skin chilled from the outdoors. Catra wiggles closer, her face in Adora’s neck, and Adora holds Catra while she sniffles. 

Adora blinks tears out her own eyes. “I’m sorry, too.” 

“I know, but you shouldn’t be. I just–I don’t know how to talk about everything, yet, and I just—I kind of panicked.”

Adora kisses Catra’s forehead, then rolls them over. She takes one of Catra’s hands and kisses her fingertips before lacing their fingers together and pressing their hands onto the pillow next to Catra’s head. 

“It’ll be okay, Catra.”

Catra’s eyes are still full of tears, but the unguarded and trusting way she’s looking up at Adora right now feels like a gift she’s not worthy of. 

“I love you, so much.” 

“I love you, too.” Catra reaches up with her free hand, pushes Adora’s loose hair behind one ear, and pulls her in for a kiss. 

It’s a gentle kiss at first, but then Catra angles her head and deepens the kiss, tugging on Adora’s hair and arching up to press against her with a whine, and Adora gasps at how quickly her whole body lights up with desire.

The fact that they’d already done this just hours before does nothing to dampen the heat between them. Adora straddles one of Catra’s thighs, and pushes her own between Catra’s legs. She breaks off the kiss to gasp before reaching down to grab Adora’s ass and move against her, and then they’re panting into kisses and moving their hips to grind on each other’s thighs. 

They haven’t done this since their second night in Bright Moon and it’s nearly as frantic, and for similar reasons: a desperate need to be as close as possible, to obliterate anything separating them.

Catra can tell that Adora is close and breaks their kiss to tell her, “I’ve got you, I love you–” and Adora shakes and her hips stutter and she cries out. 

She only lies still on Catra catching her breath for a moment before she’s pulling back just enough to slide a hand into her underwear. 

Catra’s hips jerk. “Fuck, Adora–” 

She can’t lie still, she’s moving against Adora’s hand and arching her back and wrapping her arms around Adora’s back and burying her face in Adora’s neck, and a moment later she’s shouting and coming apart.

After she relaxes they barely move, Adora still half on top of Catra despite both being overheated. 

There’s a deep sense of relief, like they’d just washed away all the pain from earlier, like the clear air after a storm. Adora gives Catra’s face a few soft kisses. Catra purrs with deep contentment as she falls asleep, and Adora lets it soothe her to sleep as well. 

[musingsbycaitlin]

if i must give up, then so must you: a wip intro

it's been about a year since i last posted on here, and even longer since i posted a wip update or intro, and i apologise for that. basically living away from home at uni made me ✨anxious✨ and ✨mentally ill✨ so the only writing i ever did was for assignments and my creative brain was turned off entirely. but! now that i'm back home and getting help, boy do i have a wip intro for you!

tw: gun violence, alcohol abuse, emotional abuse

disclaimer: this is my original work and plagiarism is never tolerated.

okay let's go:

genre: literary fiction

setting: 1800's, somewhere in the wild west

predicted word count: 50k

pov: first person, present tense, unnamed narrator

status: about 5k into the first draft

aesthetics: loading a rifle, wind whipping up skirts, dusty earth under feet, struggling to breathe, sleeping for a week, floral wallpaper, sunlit dust in the window, long-legged spider crawling along wooden floorboards, fingernails brushing arm hair, dogs barking in the distance, creaky gates, chewing tobacco floating in a whiskey glass, snuffed candles, laced lingerie hanging on the back of a chair, teeth touching

summary: it seems odd that her grandmother would lie, but our unnamed narrator is questioning her late grandmother's wisdom after a group of bandits raid her town. over night, she feels compelled to follow a lone cowboy she spies from the edge of her town, and finds herself going on a reflective journey across the wild west. From town to town, she wanders and meets people; she falls in love with someone she didn't expect; she learns what it means to be a woman without the burdens of her grandmother's lies. 'if i must give up' is a story about learning truths whilst growing up secluded, and reflecting on past traumas and the guilt that lingers there.

characters (the few main ones at least):

narrator: 20, (she/her), this barbie is down on her luck fr. she is just muddling her way through compulsive thoughts and actions and following this guy just because she can. a truly chaotic queen.

anne: 30, (she/her), the definition of gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss. she says, dont talk to me unless you're pretty, but if you're pretty she can't talk through the drool. somehow a simp. anne please explain yourself to me.

jonah: 30-ish, (he/him to a hellish extent), good god please sir just sit down. major gael vibes, let that sink in. this ken's job is emotionally manipulate. im done talking about this man.

brady: 46, (they/them), a cowboy just out for a good time, riding and riding in both connotations of the word iykyk. lets give a hand to the obligatory orville peck inspired character of the book. if tassles on cowboy hats where invented, they would be rocking it daily. oblivious yet knowledgeable, gruff yet softly spoken. they are my fave, i will take no further questions.