#I didn’t realize that was the premise this is insane

[rovingotter]

Heavy spoilers for Joker: Folie à Deux beneath the cut.

Joker 2019 is a movie that is often misunderstood, and one that means a lot to me.  It doesn’t quite manage to nudge out some of my childhood animated favorites like The Last Unicorn and Watership Down, but Joker is definitely in my top three favorite live action movies.  It got me back into writing fanfic after a long dry spell.

I didn’t think it needed a sequel.  Most people didn’t.  The first movie told the story it needed to tell.  I was wary going into this.  After hearing that it was a musical (and with Gaga as Harley?), I didn’t know what to expect but I thought that even if it was bad, even if it completely misfired, it would at least be an entertaining and funny trainwreck. 

Turns out, it’s not funny at all.  This movie gutted me.

I wish it didn’t exist.  The experience of watching it was…I’m still processing it, but I think I can say at this point that it was an unpleasant experience, but also a captivating one.  I hate it but I also weirdly have a higher opinion of it than most people seem to.  I feel like it was tonally true to the first movie.  I think Phoenix and Gaga both breathed life into their roles.  The musical numbers didn’t seem strictly necessary but they also didn’t detract from the experience for me. Music was an important element of the first movie as well.

I also think the central premise is an interesting one.  Arthur, incarcerated in Arkham, is facing the possibility that he’ll be sentenced to death for the murders he committed in the first movie.  His lawyer is aiming for an insanity defense and tries to convince the jury that the Joker is a separate personality—that Joker, not Arthur, killed those people.  In order to save his own life, Arthur needs to convince the jury that he’s not Joker…or he can take a different path. He can say "fuck it," fully embrace the Joker persona and live whatever time is left laughing and watching everything burn.  This is what Harley "Lee" Quinzel, who admires Joker and the chaos he represents, wants him to do.

In the end, he does neither.

After being forced to sit in silence for days and listen to a defense that both infantilizes and dehumanizes him, reducing him to a set of symptoms, stripping him bare and putting all his pain and humiliation on display, Arthur can’t take it anymore.  He fires his lawyer (who represents his best hope of survival) and elects to represent himself.  Initially he tries to represent himself as Joker, to lean into that persona, but he’s not feeling it anymore…especially after the confrontation with Gary Puddles, the guy who was probably his only true friend before he became Joker.  In the first movie, Arthur spared Gary’s life but left him deeply traumatized after he witnessed the death of Randall, the coworker who bullied Arthur.  This conversation with Gary was one of the most riveting parts of the movie for me.  There is a nakedness and rawness to it. Arthur tries to say "fuck it," but ultimately, he can't. Not in the face of Gary's pleading and pain.

After this, some horrible things happen to Arthur in Arkham.  The guards beat him and brutally assault him.  They kill his fellow inmate who tries to offer him support, because the system is still ruthless and still failing vulnerable people.  Arthur is left broken, helpless. Again. Some people have interpreted this scene as the reason he ultimately sheds his Joker persona, but I think it would have shaken out differently if not for that earlier conversation with Gary.  Because Gary is possibly the only person who truly cared about Arthur, when he was only Arthur—a fellow outcast, and the only guy who never made fun of him. 

Joker makes fun of Gary, because Joker makes fun of everything.  And Arthur realizes that he’s not—doesn’t want to be Joker. At his core, he's sick of pain and violence, both his own and other people's. He wants to try to break the cycle.

In the end, Arthur stands before everyone not as Joker but as Arthur Fleck—he stands alone and naked, shattered, traumatized, with no remaining allies, and he takes responsibility.  He says that he did those things.  He did them because he was having a mental breakdown, yes, because he was wounded and wronged by an unjust world, but he regrets it, now.  He hurt some bad people, but he also hurt some people who didn’t deserve it.  He’s tired of being the clown.  He just wants to live.  That was all he ever wanted, really.  Just a little bit of kindness and respect.

This is his truth:  Joker is a part of him, but a part that was born out of pain.  His deepest self is Arthur. In admitting that, he lays it all on the line, in that moment. And this is, in my opinion, the bravest thing he could have done.  I had my hand over my heart for this whole scene. 

And for this small, fragile act of courage, he is utterly forsaken by the world.  Lee—the one person who he has a connection with—is in love with Joker, not Arthur.  She walks out of the courtroom.  She abandons him in his moment of greatest need—not out of malice, but out of weakness. Because she wants to live in a fantasy world and she can't handle the reality of who he is:  not an embodiment of chaos and power, not a symbol, but a man, a vulnerable man who is full of regrets but who is trying, in his own confused way, to be better.

The first movie was bleak but it offered a glimpse of a twisted kind of hope at the end with Arthur finding inner peace even as he’s condemned to a life in psychiatric incarceration for his actions.  This movie takes that bit of hope and grinds it into the dust.  It’s a tragedy, through and through.

Arthur’s random, pointless death at the end feels almost redundant because it’s made clear by that point that his spirit has already been slain.  His connection with Lee was all he had, and when it’s revealed to be an illusion, that’s it.  He can no longer exist as the Joker but he can’t exist as Arthur, either.  He tried his best and was rejected for it.  It didn’t work.  He’s done. 

There are a lot of takes about how this movie should have gone, and honestly, most of them sound terrible to me.  I think this is the only way a sequel could have gone while remaining honest, which is why I didn’t want a sequel.

You can’t hear me, Arthur, but I love you, and I’m proud of you for standing before the world as yourself, and you didn’t deserve to die the way you did. 

This world is fucking cruel.

[harknessxo]

Okay I may sound insane but could I request a one shot or short story whatever you are more comfortable writing. The premises behind the story is the reader is an apothecary witch from Agatha’s past. Agatha has asked her to join them in walking the road as well as the others. She reluctantly agreed but not without attitude. The problem with going on this journey at least for the reader is that she’s not just a scorn witch from Agatha‘s past, but one that she would have considered a friend along time ago. Agatha would always come to her in order to be healed or for a remedy due to whatever difficult situation she got herself into overtime. They grew closer together, but Agatha made it apparent that she wasn’t capable of the type of relationship the reader was wanting from her. Not to the readers knowledge, but because of everything that had happened between her and Rio.

How the story starts is that they are currently on the road after completing the second trial in the studio and healing teen from his injury . At the campfire while all the different witches are trading their battle stories you listen to Agatha speak and then Rio. Somewhat connecting the dots on your own, but not fully believing it, not until you follow them both and watch the scene that unfolds between them in the fourth episode. It’s then that the reader realizes that maybe Agatha was always capable of feeling that type of emotional vulnerability but the reader just wasn’t worth it. How it ends is really up to you. It could be somehow Agatha figured out that the reader was spying on them and then fixes it in a sweet way to show that the reader is worth it. or it could be Agatha completely denying any change between her and Rio that she was only using manipulation tactics to see if teen was her son, a mix of both. I’m not picky.

Once again, if this is too insane, please ignore it. I do understand it’s completely random, but I do love your writing style and do you think you would do it absolute justice!!!!

THE GREATEST

Paring: Agatha Harkness x reader

Summary: look at the request ^

Warnings; angst…

Word Count: 2.0k

Part 2

A/n: I hope you like this anon! I know you lowkey wanted a happy ending but angst took over. I’m open to making a part two if you’d like! Also this originally had nothing to do with the song “The Greatest” but then I added a part of the lyrics so…

“Jen! Y/n! Do something please!” Agatha pleaded, holding Teen’s hand tightly. You and Jennifer looked at each other, trying to figure out something that would heal his wound and help him survive. You both quickly made a substance and spread it over his wound. He groaned in pain but the wound healed and he continued to sleep. You all gently picked him up and placed him in a better place to rest. Agatha stayed by his side, refusing to leave and the rest of you went to make a bonfire.

You sat down around the fire for an awkward moment before Alice chose to speak up to start a conversation. She shared her experience with her curse and her scars and soon everyone told their experiences except Rio. You didn’t like her from the second she dug herself out of the ground. You could tell there was immense tension between her and Agatha and you detested it.

“How is he?” Alice’s voice brought you back to reality. You looked up and saw Agatha taking a seat next to Rio.

“Mouthy,” she replied sarcastically.

“That’s a good sign,” Lilia commented.

“Agatha,” Jen started, “Why don’t you show us your battle scars?” Agatha hesitated for a moment before she started rolling up the sleeve of her left arm. Your eyes diverted to Rio who chuckled while she gave Agatha a knowing look.

“Knitting needle to the elbow,” she said, showing off the scar on her elbow, “You ever heard of the daughters of liberty?” of course you knew of them, you were the one that healed said scar but the rest shook their heads having no idea, “Exactly.” All the witches chuckled her light joke and you could tell Agatha enjoyed it. The joyful moment suddenly came to a stop when Rio decided to speak up.

“I’ve got a scar.” All eyes turned to Rio as she spoke. Agatha’s expression changed, her face becoming serious and a bit irritated.

“No you don’t,” Agatha was quick to deny. How would she know that? You thought.

“Yes I do,” she insisted, “…A long time ago, I loved someone,” she side eyed Agatha, “…and I had to do something I did not want to do even though it was my job,” she emphasized the last word and you saw Agatha looked away from the corner of your eye. She clenched her jaw, her eyes fixed elsewhere. The other witches exchanged glances, sensing the tension between the two. Rio continued to speak.

“And it hurt them,” there was a pause, “…she’s my scar.” It wasn’t hard to figure out who she was talking about and it angered you even further. Why did Agatha lie to you? Were they still together when you fell in love? Were you just not enough?

“I’m gonna go stretch my legs,” Agatha said standing and walking away, Rio hot on her trail. Curiosity got the better of you and decided to follow them, the worst decision you could have made.

You watched their interaction, the hug, the loving look, and before their lips touched you walked away. You had seen enough. You fought with every bone in your body trying to keep your sobs at bay. You felt so betrayed but you shouldn’t. Agatha had made it crystal clear that she couldn’t pursue a commitment relationship with you like you wanted. That she wouldn’t. It hurt to hear but maybe it was for the best, especially if she was still messing around with Rio.

You made your way back to the campfire, trying to hide the tears in your eyes. The others looked at you, noticing the change in your demeanor.

“Are you alright?” Lilia asked, her voice filled with concern.

“I’m f-fine,” your voice cracked a bit, “That last trial just had me a little shaken, that’s all.” Alice frowned and shifted closer to you, rubbing your back soothingly.

“Are you sure?” she asked.

“Mhm…” You gave her a reassuring smile before sitting back down by the fire. Alice didn’t seem convinced but didn’t press further. The others exchanged glances, clearly worried about you but they didn’t say anything. Soon Agatha came back taking a seat next to you with no trace of Rio but you remained silent. Agatha looked at you, noticing your lack of response. She was oblivious to the facts that you had seen her with Rio.

“Are you alright, sweetheart?” You didn’t reply and her eyebrows furrowed in confusion and concern. She gently placed her hand on your shoulder, trying to get your attention.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” you shrugged her hand off. She was taken aback by your cold response. She was used to you being more open and warm, not this.

“Bullshit,” she said firmly, crossing her arms.

“It’s not like you would fucking care,” you spat out, getting up and walking away. She wanted to go after you but Rio appeared and held her back.

“Let her cool off. I’m sure it’s nothing.” She said into Agatha’s ear.

“Yeah…maybe you’re right.”

—

After everyone was rested, you all continued to walk the road onto the next trial. Usually you would have stayed by Agatha's side but you chose to stay with Lilia and Alice this time. You thought Agatha hadn't noticed, too deep in a conversation with Rio but she did and she was not happy at all.

Agatha’s eyes narrowed as she watched you walk with Lilia and Alice. She tried to keep her cool, but the sight of you ignoring her and choosing to stay away from her made her feel frustrated and angry. She couldn’t understand why you were acting this way and why you were avoiding her. Her fist balled up tightly when she saw you laughing with Alice. Rio noticed Agatha’s reaction and placed a hand on her shoulder.

“Calm down, sweetheart. You’re going to give yourself wrinkles.”

“I just don’t understand what happened!” Agatha said, frustrated. Rio rolled her eyes before cupping Agatha’s face, making her look at her.

“Don’t worry about her. She’s probably just throwing a tantrum.” Agatha’s face was filled with irritation as she listened to Rio’s words.

“Tantrum? She’s never like this! I’ve never seen her this upset before, she’s avoiding me, she’s acting like a brat.”

“Relax, Agatha,” she kissed her cheek, “Just focus on me.” Her irritation slowly melted away as Rio kissed her cheek. She looked at her and took a deep breath, trying to push her worries about you to the back of her mind.

“You’re right,” she said, forcing a smile. She needed to keep Rio happy for now, just until they got to the end of the road.

Your eyes had wandered to the two women at some point and you regretted it immediately, seeing Rio kiss Agatha’s cheek. Rio looked in your direction while doing it with a smirk on her face. You wanted to lounge at her but for what? For Agatha? She didn’t want you anyway, you just had to come to peace with that.

Rio caught your eye and noticed the hurt and jealousy in your expression. She couldn’t help but feel a sense of satisfaction. She knew she was getting to you, and that only made her more determined to keep Agatha away from you.

You all eventually found the next trial inside another house. You all split up into pairs to find some sort of clue. Alice and Teen, Jen and Lilia and of course, Agatha and Rio. Lilia offered to go with you but you declined and said you could take care of yourself if something happened.

She had looked at you with concern but respected your decision. She nodded and went off with Jen to search the house. You were left alone, walking through the house and looking for clues. You could hear the others calling out to each other as they searched different rooms. Suddenly, you heard footsteps approaching you and you already knew who it was.

“Agatha, shouldn’t you be with Rio?” She appeared from behind you, her expression serious.

“Why are you avoiding me?”

“You seemed busy with Rio, that’s all.”

“You saw that…” she said, realizing what you were referring to.

“Yeah. You know, I thought you said you couldn’t pursue the type of relationship I wanted from you. Now I know you simply wouldn’t do it, with me at least. Why don’t you go back to your precious green witch. I’m sure she’s already missing you.” Agatha’s expression softened and she looked hurt by your words.

“It’s not like that…”

“Please,” you laughed, shaking your head, “Save it. I literally saw you two about to kiss.”

“You don’t understand…” she stepped closer.

“Agatha, what is there to understand? You lied to me. You said your heart was jaded and then I find out you have an ex lover who you seem to still be in love with.”

“Don’t act like you know everything. You don’t understand the situation between Rio and me.” Her eyes flashed with irritation.

“Then lay it out for me Harkness!” She clenched her jaw, her hands balling into fists. She took a deep breath before speaking.

“Rio and I…we have a complicated history. We were together a long time ago, and it didn’t end well. We had a falling out and we haven’t spoken in years. Seeing her again has brought up a lot of old feelings and emotions that I didn’t know how to deal with.”

“…do you love her?”

“No, of course not-” she said without hesitation.

“Then what’s the deal? Does she know that? Because she seems to know the effect you two have on me.”

“My sweet Y/n,” she cupped your face, “I just need her and the rest of the witches to get me to the end and then you and I can be together-”

“It’s not that simple Agatha,” you shoved her off, finally letting the tears fall, “I don’t even know if I can trust you. And what of her, huh? You’re just gonna leave her hanging? How do I know you won’t do the same with me? How do I know you’re not just using me?!”

“I’m not using you! I care about you, Y/n. You have to believe me.” She reached out to touch you but stopped herself.

“How can I?! You have a reputation, Agatha!” Her face fell, hurt by your words.

“You don’t trust me because of my reputation? I thought you knew me better than that…”

“So did I...” your voice broke at the end. She was speechless. She knew you were right. She had hurt you, and now you didn’t trust her. The realization hit her like a ton of bricks.*

“I…I don’t know what to say…”

“Then don’t say anything,” you tried to walk past her but she quickly grabbed your arm, stopping you from walking away.

“Please, don’t go. We need to talk about this.”

“What is there to talk about? You’ve made your choice and it clearly isn’t me.”

“That’s not true! I do care about you. I just…I don’t know what to do. Seeing Rio again has brought up all these memories and feelings that I thought I buried a long time ago. I don’t know how to handle it all.”

“Then come back once you’ve figured it out,” you roughly freed yourself from her grip and walked away to find Lilia and Jen. You didn’t want to walk away. You wanted to cling to her but you couldn’t get yourself into a situation where you would eventually get hurt…again.

Agatha watched you walk away, her heart breaking. She wanted to call out to you, to beg you to stay, but she knew she had messed up. She felt a mix of guilt and regret, knowing that she had hurt you deeply. She sank to the ground, her head in her hands. She replayed the argument over and over in her head, regretting every word she said. She wanted to make things right with you, but she knew it wouldn’t be easy. As much as she cared about you, she couldn’t deny the history she had with Rio. She was at a crossroads, torn between two people who both meant something to her.

Taglist; @oh-no-bummer @wandasreallover @polaris-likethestar

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[a-bad-case-of-the-stephs]

i’ve been thinking abt this for a while and i want ur opinion. do you think characterization-wise stephanie would’ve kept her pregnancy if dixon wasn’t so staunchly anti-abortion? im kinda torn… and ik they retconned it entirely in newer reboots, but i would’ve loved to see her taking care of a kid since she’s good with them

Ok first of all thank you so much for asking me abt this. I actually have so many opinions about Steph’s pregnancy “arc” and I love yapping about her so appreciate this ask a ton.

On one hand, it’s really hard to entirely separate Steph from Dixons conservative values. She was created by the guy and she reflects a variety of semi conservative views in Robin 1993.

Some of these things are deeply connected to her character, for instance her punitive and callous attitude towards criminals. Of course, this attitude absolutely changes over time, but it makes a lot of sense for her to have this conservative approach early on in her crime fighting career, it directly reflects her anger towards her abusive dad.

Others are less grounded in things we know about Steph and more so just throwaway lines, like the joke Steph makes about the Clintons.

What I’m trying to say is it’s hard to determine what Steph would do if she wasn’t being written by Dixon, or if Dixon wasn’t as conservative on reproductive care, because some details about her are both entrenched as part of her character and also potentially influenced by Dixons politics.

There’s two main themes that come up during Steph’s pregnancy which I think are very in line with her characterization and support the idea that the choice she makes is (fairly) in character: her sense of responsibility, and her protectiveness over children as a reaction to how she was not protected.

The idea that Stephanie fucked up, that she made a stupid mistake and her pregnancy is the “consequence” (an insanely horrifically gross premise, for the record) is espoused by her throughout the pregnancy arc.

This is pretty in line with her characterization.

Steph places a strong emphasis on the idea of internal strength, it’s something we see her value in others and something she commits to herself.

(Her father is "weak" because he succumbs to his criminal tendencies, her mother is "strong" for overcoming her addiction, other drug addicts are weak for failing to do so and turning to crime, her mom is "weak" for grieving Arthur, Steph is called "brave" for keeping her baby, Steph has to be “the brave one here” because Crystal won’t kick Arthur out, etc etc)

Potentially connected to this mindset is how Stephanie is also kind of prone to taking responsibility, and in some cases, taking blame for things that actually are not her fault.

Easy example of this is how she talks to Tim about how he might have cheated and wanted to leave her while pregnant, she takes the blame and responsibility for his (assumed) actions. It’s her fault for being so “fat and disgusting”. She understands why he might have cheated on her.

When Batman tells her Tims secret identity (something she didn’t seem to realize would hurt him and which Batman presented the urgency of the situation under absolutely false pretenses) she immediately takes the blame for Tim’s anger, directly condemning herself and centering Tim’s feelings even when Tim is clearly angry at Bruce and hardly acknowledges her at all during the confrontation. She continues to blame herself for this later even after being reassured by Tim.

And a huge example, how Steph believes straight up that she has “a lot to make up for” because her dad is the Cluemaster. This is a consistent part of Stephs characterization, seems to somehow blame herself for Arthur’s actions, or at least not being able to stop him. Steph holds herself to an unfair metric, she takes on this unwarranted responsibility and blame.

It makes sense to me that Steph would adopt a similar mindset in the case of her pregnancy. She’s quick to assume this responsibility and deride herself and her actions because that’s what she’s always done.

The second factor that I think is playing a role here is Steph’s desire to protect the innocent, especially children, as a reflection of the way she was never protected as a child.

Steph is, as you pointed out, shown to be good with kids. And, I think it’s absolutely worth mentioning that she sometimes projects her own experiences onto them. Not in like a bad way, in a: ‘no one protected me, I want to protect them’ way. This is a super strong protective instinct.

This protective instinct is what (I believe) causes her to befriend Damian during Batgirl (2009): she sees that he was missing out on a normal childhood, something she could relate to, and we see her try to help him experience one.

It’s also why she chooses to let her baby get adopted instead of keeping it: we see her convinced by Tim’s arguement about how her baby would grow up without two parents and compares that situation to how Steph grew up with her dad in jail. (By the way, this is just propaganda, the issue is Steph would have to forfeit her teen years taking care of a baby if she kept it, which she is not old or mature enough to raise effectively and which would doubtlessly have terrifying consequences for both her and her baby, not that the baby needs two parents, and one of them has to be a man. But that’s besides the point.)

The point is, Steph’s shitty childhood makes her protective over children and strongly moves her to ensure similar situations don’t befall them.

I think she’s doing a very similar thing when it comes to her pregnancy.

The whole conclusion to her story in the Secret Origins 80-Page Giant is her telling her unborn baby about her childhood, and hoping the baby will get a better childhood than she did.

In the same way Steph is dedicated to stopping kids from experiencing what she experienced, she feels like she has a duty to her baby to protect it in specific contrast to her own shitty childhood where she was not protected.

We see this idea explored again in Steph’s hallucination/dream while giving birth. Her nightmare is centered around Steph’s fear that her baby would end up in the hands of Cluemaster. She's terrified by the idea of this innocent child getting abused by the same man she was.

Also, notice Crystals role here. Crystal's enabling of Arthur's abuse and general shittiness is something we see explored a few times. Steph identifies that Crystal is willing to be blind to the obviously shitty behavior of her brother, Steph's Uncle Dave, and compares her inability to see the truth to how Crystal apparently acted with Arthur in the past. There's more examples, but the way Crystal facilities Arthurs abuse (which Crystal was a premiere victim of for the record) and is unwilling to hear out Steph in her nightmare is clearly a reflection of Stephs own childhood. She is projecting her shitty past onto her baby again.

How does this factor into her choice to not get an abortion? As explored, she has this tendency to project herself and her experiences into kids she sees as in similar situations, and try to protect them where she was not protected. I can see this inclining Steph to 1) see the fetus as a baby and innocent life and 2) feel a very strong protective instinct towards it which think would make her unlikely to abort.

So again, we have this projection where Steph sees the baby as A) her responsibility and B) in need of the protection she did not get.

Both of these factors are undoubtably parts of Steph’s character. So, I’m inclined to say Steph’s pregnancy arc is based in her character.

It comes down to how Steph sees her fetus. If she, like she does in Robin 93, immediately conceptualized the fetus as a separate person, an innocent life, I think her feelings of responsibility and her protective instinct for the innocent and young children would make it pretty much impossible her to end up choosing herself and her own wants over the fetus. I don’t think Steph could ever do that, unfortunately.

On the other hand, if Steph didn’t immediately think of the fetus as a baby, (something that would come with Dixon being less conservative on reproductive rights) I could see her getting an abortion. I do think she’d still feel guilty however, like she’d shirked responsibility somehow.

In conclusion, it’s complicated, but Steph’s feelings during her pregnancy are grounded in her characterization. I think if Dixon was less conservative, we might be able to see how these traits come into play and have Steph maybe learn to prioritize herself despite her self sacrificial qualities, and we could manage not have the 15 year old give birth.

(Okay that was the analysis, now I’m lowkey just going to rant about how I personally feel about the pregnancy arc.)

On a personal level, I think someone should have sat Steph down and explained to her the that she has every right to want to abort? Yes. Do I think Crystal should have had a long talk with her about how Stephanie doesn’t owe this fetus anything and she has a right to be 15 and look out for herself for once? God, yes.

I’m honestly just disgusted by the very concept of the “pregnancy arc”. No amount of cute moments with Tim or attempts to make Steph’s convos with her mom heartwarming will override my disgust at the fact that they made the 15 year old pregnant. It’s not "cute" that she had to deal with pregnancy induced nausea and her math homework. It’s genuinely horrific. It’s not "nice" that Tim uses his Alvin Draper disguise to brings her to Lamaze classes. It’s horrifying that Steph has to ask her boyfriend who has to wear a disguise to drive her to birthing classes because her mom is busy working night shifts at the hospital to support them. It’s not "sweet" when Tim reassures Steph she’s beautiful and Steph playfully threatens to hit him with a teddy bear, it’s sickening that she thinks so lowly of herself in the first place. And it’s definitely not anything but genuinely disappointing that Steph’s next appearance in Robin 93 after giving birth is her jogging to lose the weight she gained from her pregnancy. Just wow.

I love that Steph is good with kids and whenever I see those cute ‘Steph keeps the kid’ au drawings I will admit that my heart is warmed . But at the same time, I'm just personally never going to be in favor of Steph being forced to carry a baby at 15 years old as a "consequence" so we can moralize to the audience about teens having premarital sex. It was not done well. I don't know if it could be done well.

I don’t really think her pregnancy should be decanonized either per se, because I think DC should have to own up to their sexist treatment of Steph (and many many other female characters) instead of getting to pretend they were always perfectly feminist. (This happens a lot with her time as Robin a lot but that’s another post). However, I kind of never want to see that baby appear again in any comic.

When it comes to current comics canon, even if the pregnancy has been retconned, I have this sinking feeling that it’s only a matter of time before that baby shows up as a minor character and becomes a vigilante or some shit. This is the dark timeline to me. The evil universe which I lie awake terrified of but I know is distinctly possible. If this happens, this is my "I told you so" moment.

For me, the “good ending” when it comes to Steph’s pregnancy is she should’ve aborted it. Just no baby, no pregnant 15 year old. She could have even participated in NML in this alt universe (which is another another post). I don't know. I think Steph could be a fantastic mom, but I wouldn't want her to have to be one at 15 or 16.

Thank you again sm for the ask, love ranting about Steph. Totally open to hearing other takes on this arc and Stephs character as always.

[tsukimefuku]

lollipop kiss 🍭 kusakabe atsuya

summary: your workplace crush, kusakabe, is pretty dense when it comes to romance, so you try to ease things out with a bag of lollipops.

cw: gn!reader x kusakabe, comedy, fluff, this man is completely clueless but reader isn’t making things any easier. making out and happy ending. there is a bartender very invested in the drama. a little suggestive if you squint.

wc: 1.4k

notes etc.: my contribution for the foodies and goodies challenge. i’m not tagging myself because the voices in my head haven’t reached that point yet. special thanks to @jjk-eugie for inspiring me, i had hit a slump on this (you can read their kusahigu fic that saved my life here). song (?) > sugar, sugar (the archies). I had a lot of fun writing this, hope you enjoy it too!

Here’s the thing - Kusakabe was a brilliant sorcerer. He was regarded by all of the other first grades as the strongest first grade there was.

Regarding human matters, though, he could - and frequently would - be dense like a rock.

To put it bluntly - not a door, but just as thick. 

So when it came to romance, attempts to get his attention usually fell on deaf ears. 

When you realized you had it down bad for him, you knew you were in for a ride, to say the least.

First, there were the coffee attempts. You had to call him out for a coffee around three times before he accepted it - according to him, there was no need to spend money going out for coffee when Jujutsu High provided you all with free vending machine coffee. You had to patiently explain to him that leaving the premises for a while was the actual goal.

Then, came the drink nights. These weren’t particularly hard, given he did like his alcohol, but he always invited someone else to tag along. Utahime had the good sense to stop going after realizing what you were trying to do when inviting Kusakabe out, but you weren’t as lucky with the other sorcerers.

And finally, something about the days you went out together always gnawed at you. You felt like Kusakabe was in an unreadable state of mind. He’d either stare at you when you weren’t looking - fully believing you didn’t notice it -, or be the most unbothered person in that place. Whenever you approached him trying to make a move, he would act like he had absolutely no interest in you.

It was driving you insane.

Tonight, you were both sharing a few drinks after a particularly gnarly day at work, exorcizing curse after curse after curse. It was that time of year, after all. You were a few pints of beer in already, and he had downed at least two gin tonics by then. 

“I’ve got a gift for you, Kusakabe!” you chirped.

“Really? What? Is it a special occasion?” he asked while looking at you surprised.

“No, I just saw it and I remembered you.”

You pulled a giant sack of lollipops from your bag and put it over the counter.

The bartender was looking from afar, and had taken the dynamic between you and Kusakabe as a live soap opera of sorts, one new chapter each week. Last week, you seemed particularly annoyed at the sorcerer and he didn’t notice it - as he usually wouldn’t unless you were literally screaming at him.

“Okay...” Kusakabe offered, slightly uncertain as he pulled the bag towards him. 

“This supposedly has five flavors - peach, strawberry, mango, pineapple and watermelon. Since you always have a lollipop with you, I thought it would come in handy,” you chimed in, sparing him a smile. 

“That’s... thanks,” was all he said, and for a moment you thought you saw his face and the tips of his ears take on a dusty pink tint. 

“So... let’s taste it?” 

“Hm... what?” 

His face grew redder, and you were almost sure it wasn’t your imagination. 

“The lollipops, Kusakabe. Taste the lollipops.” 

The bartender scoffed from the other side, keeping down a chuckle.

“Oh! Yeah, sure,” Kusakabe replied, pulling the bag open.

And off you two went pulling lollipop after lollipop from the bag, one of each flavor. 

After about an hour or so of chatting and candy, he pulled the only pineapple one there was inside the bag and shoved it into his mouth.

“Oh, that’s the only pineapple one,” you noted. The liquor-bought courage was finally kicking in, and you were ready to make a move. 

“Hm, really? I’m sorry, I didn’t notice,” he replied, brushing the nape of his neck with his hand.

“Oh, it’s no trouble. Perhaps I can still taste it,” you remarked, a cheeky smile pulling on your face as you edged yourself closer to him.

The bartender heard your words and stepped nearby, fairly ignoring someone that was calling from the other side of the vicinity.

This was it. All the drama and emotional investment... The pay-off was finally coming. 

“Oh, sure. Of course,” Kusakabe replied, and he signaled for the bartender, which got you and the bartender thoroughly confused, “can you get me a glass of water, please?”

It all went swiftly, much to yours and the bartender’s shock. Kusakabe got the glass of water, pulled the lollipop from his mouth, put it into the water and pushed it into your direction.

He seemed pleased with himself in finding a solution for a non-existent problem.

This man better be joking.

“Kusakabe, you moron!” You exclaimed angrily.

“What!? What happened? What did I do!?” Kusakabe asked in earnest, which just served to deepen your annoyance.

“I was asking for a kiss!” you furiously retorted.

He only registered the ‘I was asking’ part.

“Why not just ask for what you want?! Why can’t people simply ask for things directly?! I’m not a psychic!” 

The bartender’s mouth formed a silent ‘o’ before it got covered with an incredulous hand.

The plot thickens.

“God, you have no ease for subtleties! How is that possible!? Are you even human!?” you were actively yelling at Kusakabe by that point, lifting yourself up from your seat.

“And are you allergic to communicating directly what you want?!” he retorted, feeling unjustly chastised for not understanding something he had no obligation to guess in the first place.

You grunted, enraged, and began stepping away from him, towards the bar’s exit. After you left, he face-palmed, upset that somehow, things went south with you again.

Only then it dawned on Kusakabe you said you wanted to kiss him.

“Fuck, I’m an idiot,” Kusakabe muttered to himself.

“Kind of,” the bartender mindlessly replied, forgetting this wasn’t an actual soap opera on TV, but a pretty interactive show.

“Huh?” the sorcerer questioned, not sure if he heard it right.

“I mean... I can put it all on your tab and you go after... Uh... it’s fine.”

Looking at the bartender, Kusakabe inhaled deeply and nodded, grabbing the lollipops bag, shoving it inside his trench coat’s pocket, and running after you.

“Hey!” Kusakabe exclaimed when outside, seeing you a little further ahead on the street. 

You heard his voice and picked up your pace, taking a turn into a smaller, secondary street. 

“Come on, I know you heard me, slow down!” his steps came quicker, and in a second he was right beside you, while you huffed and puffed in frustration.

“Just let me go home, Atsuya! This is too humiliating. I thought you liked me, but I think I’m the moron who got it all wrong!”

He held your arm and you halted your stomping, even though you kept staring at the ground, thoroughly embarrassed.

“You... didn’t,” he stated, voice uncharacteristically faltering.

“... What?”

Kusakabe delicately turned you to look at him and cupped the side of your face with his hand. His eyes were locked to yours, and for a moment, you felt your heart fluttering in your chest. You could smell the sweet, alcoholic scent from his breath, and that was when you realized just how close he was.

“I-“ he stuttered for a moment before clearing his throat, “I’m going to kiss you now.”

Your breath got caught in its way out for a second before you replied.

“Okay.”

He closed the gap between you both, pressing your bodies together with his hand over your back, and his lips descended to yours softly, waiting for you to meet him halfway. You pressed back against him, drawing both your hands to the nape of his neck, and deepened the kiss instantly, robbing him of a gasp.

Your tongue teased the seam of his mouth, and he welcomed you in, pressing his own tongue over yours. 

Oh, you definitely tasted that pineapple lollipop.

His aftershave still lingered on his skin, and it smelled minty fresh, filling up your nostrils in an instant as your lips slid over each other.

You both parted for a moment.

“You know what?” you said with a smirk forming on your face.

“Hm, what?” he genuinely asked.

“I think the pineapple one was my favorite flavor.”  

With an amused expression, he suddenly bit your chin, planting quick pecks and kisses down your jawline and neck. 

You chuckled, asking, “since we’re out of the bar, would you like to come over to my house? I remember there were still a lot of lollipops in that bag and I don’t feel like leaving them all to you.”

With a mischievous smile on his face, he pressed a quick kiss on your lips before replying.

“Of course.”

-

Tag list: @strawberry1042 @darkfaerietails @jay220a @fattybattysblog @suguru-nugget

@senseifupa @aleigant @gigiculona @rahuratna

[madamesinsalot]

What if...

Moon completely accepts the insanity, the sadistic nature, and bloodthirstiness of the retched virus? He relishes in maniacally guarding their home while maiming every unwanted guest that enters the forbidden areas he and Sun’s claimed over time, that much is true. If that was the case though... how did he end up like this?

Ayooo! i finally FINALLY made part 2 of this snippet! I’m tempted to continue the story I’ve kept planning so far should you guys want it! :D please enjoy!

Here’s Sun’s Version, the beginning!

----------

When you first met Moon after forgetting your belongings one unnerving evening. You expected a lot of mishaps to arise like Chica’s munching escapades, or STAFF bots entering the weirdest areas of the plex. What you’ve never expected was the Lunar animatronic hunched over numerous wrecked robot parts, spasming heavily over the gruesome scene while clutching his wire-exposed spasming arm. From the cryptic warnings your uncle has reminded you of, the jester had every opportunity to throw you out for intruding the facility afterhours, especially when you were caught looking. Yet, instead of enacting the heinous deeds that were described to you... the glitching bot merely guided you out the front doors with only a calm wave, items returned, and that unreadable default smile.

You knew then and there that you had to know more about this msyterious character.

You remember the earful you had gotten from your Uncle the day after. It was brutal. Though you were a tad guilty and apologetic to the old man, your curiosity was far greater just from the reminder of that evening. In fact, it was the sole reason why you started visiting the daycare more frequently ever since. At first, the Moon-like automation was courteous, but wary. Sun moreso. Then that apprehension quickly melted away once they realized you’ve never bared any ill-will since speaking to them. Moon was especially forthcoming towards creating a bond at that point for some unexplained reason. And while you had theories, it didn’t bother you more than the worried glances your Uncle would give you at the mention of the attendant.

Goodness did he want to tell you everything. The unsolved murders both robotic and human, the faulty machinery they’d manipulate to spend more time with you, even the intentional spastic sparks that would shoot out of Moon all the time as a failsafe to talk to you. But the biggest and most troublesome aspect that your stoic Uncle would battle with was the lunar bot’s skilled evasions to getting caught and or decommissioned by the man himself. 

Every piece of security footage, any type of recording depicting the attendant in anyway, or written notes your relative would make and stash away would usually end up getting destroyed; sometimes marked off as false information by the higher ups. All of that was Moon’s doing. Sun is the more dangerous, violent, and volatile of the caretaker AI while his counterpart prepared alibis and well-timed distractions, making the sunny jester open to whatever plan he’d receive in their coding to appear inviting and innocent to the public according to Moon’s plan. They made an efficiently menacing team, much to your Uncle’s chagrin.

It quickly became clear that things would be increasingly difficult since your arrival at the Pizza Plex. The wily night-themed animatronic had definitely caught on to your familial relation to the Janitor, taking any advantage to heighten your Uncle’s personal hell. This was especially true when you ended up being romantically pursued by the celestial duo themselves. Improvised dances, mutual petnames and long-lasting hugs were part of his own personal torture, and your own unaware bliss.

The moment... the absolute moment that your Uncle discovered he had truly lost you to the Daycare Attendant, was a seemingly normal night when he finished cleaning the last of the security rooms. He always made sure to find you before completely leaving the premises so as to carpool back to your respective homes, totally not to drag you away from the murder crazy jester. Not at all. Doing so also meant going to the daycare much to his exhaustion. It wasn’t a secret among the rest of the employees that you spend all of your free time there. That night though, things were different. The daycare was dark when the perimeter was brightly lit up. Wandering in, your Uncle fished out his flashlight, taking cautious step after cautious step through the cushioning and calling your name with absolute caution and vigilance. He would even flash his light in every direction when he came across the security desk, with every monitor and screen having been deactivated. An obvious omen. Ducking underneath the bridge led him the display forever seared into his mind. You were peacefully sleeping among pillows and a glowing star-clad lap. Surrounding you... or rather towering over you, was the ominous Moon animatronic. he jerkingly etched huge tears into the fabric of the foam padding. Whether it was due to the glitch, or the flashlight in your Uncle’s hand, the man wasn’t so sure. The sparks flying out of the bot flew out of different parts of the animatronic... it was probably the main reason you ultimately came to the daycare this late at night. Moon’s face though... was less than inviting when he glanced into those hostile eyes.

Seeing that made your Uncle reluctantly stay away within a nearby security room and watch over you through the security cameras for the rest of that night until you woke up hours later. The crazed machine was not helping matters when glaring at the every mounted camera in the Daycare’s vicinity. It wasn’t because he was scared of the lunar nightguard. Not really. No, the real reason he did it was because of the jester’s resolve... it was possessive. Dangerously so. If he hadn’t had years of dealing with their heinous acts to the point of gathering a psychological profile for each alter, he would’ve thought Moon was... protecting you. But that’s impossible! It can’t be true.

Can it?

Safe to say... That question was enough incentive to help your Uncle to stay awake that night... and every evening after that.

----------

AAAHHHHHHH! I missed you guys SO  MUCH! Many things were happening in my hectic life that I had to go away for... yeesh, over a month??? Now that the stress has died down, I’m more than ready to get back into creating that sweet Sun and Moon content again. I’ll start with this and finishing up that Sun’s confession comic. I’ll see you guys until then! Love y’all!

[hornytome]

mid june.

we laid in bed together. that’s how it always seemed to start. the premise going forward was simple. promising that we would relegate ourselves to just cuddling, just kissing. their heads on my chest provided a steady pressure. his legs were intertwined with mine, and she found the cracks and crevices to slide her feet into, maximizing contact. they smiled at each other from across my shoulders. we could waste hours doing this, as we had before. time seems to slip away when we’re together. it unnerves me deeply. i think it makes all of us feel like that.

their hands were on each others hips, thumbs rubbing slow circles. his foot was doing the same on my calf. her foot rested on mine in the way that she likes. slow, even breathing filled the room. no one spoke, too afraid of breaking the quiet magic happening in the room. everything was warm and golden from the sunlight streaming in. the blond in their hair lit up with the sun.

we had all staunchly agreed. only kissing and cuddling. no sex.

so… why was he hard against my hip right now? he was doing his best to be subtle, hips cocked back slightly to avoid announcing it too loudly. i pretended to adjust, shifting my hips to make full contact. he hissed through his teeth. playing dumb was to my advantage here. i felt his length in the crook of my hip. he was embarrassingly hard. his thin pajama pants weren’t doing their job of hiding it. i shifted, purposely rubbing my hip against his length.

he sighed. “my self control is very thin right now, guys.”

i sucked in a breath as his lungs emptied. my hips wiggled a little more.

the hand on her hip moved to my waist. i heard her breathing speed up as she processed what was happening. a calf wrapped around mine, and i realized it was for leverage. he buried his face in my neck, breathing out as his hips slowly started grinding against me. he moaned openly into my neck. her hand moved to grab his ass, encouraging his hips that were stuttering against me. seeing him enjoy himself was… nice. letting him use me to feel good felt nice. i didn’t feel used, at the same time. if that makes sense. he shucked off his pants, leaving only his boxers between us. i think she and i understood this was something we’re giving him. focusing on him, his pleasure. we’re not sure if someone’s ever just focused on him, his body, whether he feels good or not. i have this inescapable urge to show him how beautiful he is. it felt good to give him this. his arm wrapped around my whole body, sinking deeper into my side. he seemed so relaxed and unselfconscious. he got impossibly harder as he slid against me. i could feel the underside of his head rubbing against the seam of my shorts. a dark wet spot on his boxers made feel insane.

i wanted this to happen so, so badly.

i slowly sat up, lazily hopping over her. i pulled off her panties. he tried to pretend he wasn’t curious, but i handed him the underwear to show him our handiwork. from behind her, i pressed her against his front, hiking her leg up over his hips. i slotted in behind her, spooning her with both of us facing him. his arm that was pinned to the bed came to rest under our heads. i pulled his cock free from his boxers. he involuntarily moaned as my hand touched him. getting them as close as i could, i had the perfect angle to hold his cock and slide the head against her pussy.

“like a credit card,” she laughed.

“right now?” he chuckled incredulously.

the laughing was quickly replaced with sharp inhales as i rubbed his head along her clit, the most sensitive parts of their bodies making direct contact. their foreheads came together, sharing the same air. their heavy breathing was starting to fill the room. i circled her clit a couple times.

“please, please”

“shit, please, just—“

they spoke in unison.

i positioned the tip of his cock at her entrance. he was leaking precum, but the head of his cock became even shinier as her wetness started to coat him. i didn’t have the patience in the moment to tease either of them. we all wanted this so bad—there wasn’t room for torturing any of us further.

he slipped in so easily. his head jerked forward into her shoulder. this is the first time he’s felt pussy with no condom in, what? a year? he was practically whimpering. i set the pace, a slow sleepy grind. i settled in behind her, he and i making eye contact over her head. he smiled at me. genuinely and openly. his hips slowly started fucking into her. he was clearly enjoying the friction of her pussy on the sensitive tip of his cock. slow but deep strokes hit her g-spot every time, if the noises she made meant anything. we laid their as they slowly fucked each other. i brushed the hair out of their eyes, ran my hands down their sides. my hands slid down to hold his balls, enjoying the soft skin.

“oh shit…” he hissed, fucking into her particularly deep.

we laid there for an undetermined amount of time. i just enjoyed listening to their noises as they enjoyed each other. i studied his face, the way his eyes were screwed shut and his mouth hung open. she, similarly, was lost. her head alternated between laying on my shoulder and pressing against his forehead. they were gorgeous. with my free hand, i cupped her forehead and pushed the hair back, moving then to his face and slowly rubbing my thumb across his cheekbone. despite being lost in each other, they both leaned into my touch. my presence felt integral to what they were experiencing, and that made me very, very happy. they were as lost in me as each other. the slow grind of 3 bodies alone in a room was a welcome and stark relief from the ridiculous year of turmoil we went though to get here.

his breathing was slowly picking up. she was voicing a constant stream of moans. his hand came up to brace under her knee, deepening the angle. his hand that was resting somewhere above my head came down to cup my face. we all got closer, our bodies tied together.

“i’m getting closer,” he breathed. rather than bracing with his hand, he hauled us closer, throwing over an arm that reached across both of us, calves once again finding purchase by wrapping around ours. his hand on my face shifted, and he brought his thumb to the entrance of my mouth. i accepted it, sucking as he lost his composure. the pace of his hips reached a fever pitch, and the obscene noise of his balls slapping against her wet pussy filled the room. i couldn’t help myself when i grabbed the back of his neck, slamming our mouths together. our teeth clacked but the vibrations of his moans quickly made up for the jarring feeling. i wanted to feel and hear the noises he makes when he cums.

i pulled away briefly, only to quietly mumble “please cum in her, please.”

“oh shit, oh shit, i’m cumming—“

his body jerked and she cried out as his hips slammed into hers a final time. he was unabashedly moaning and keening as he bottomed out. he stilled, letting his cum pump into her. i moved my freehand from his neck down to where he was inside of her. i could feel his cock pulsing as he came. she was shaking as he filled her up. she looked vaguely like she was going to cry. i knew she was having a good time.

they laid there, collapsed and panting. their lips found each other, lazily kissing as their breathing returned to normal. watching their mouths slide together was like staring at the sun. it made me feel warm. i bided my time by laying kisses across her shoulders and drawing patterns on his tummy.

they slowly pulled apart. we laid there as her breathing settled into a sleepy rhythm. he was still inside of her with no particular plans to pull out. i stretched, feeling the release of sticky skin and joints that were in one position for too long. i wormed my way back into their warm bodies. his arm and mine were thrown across the others hip, over her body. we made eye contact as our eyes struggled to stay open. he gave my hip a squeeze. the last thing i thought of before i drifted off is how excited i am for summer.

[jamiehashands]

Can you ramble about Ellis ggy?

Okay, okay, where to start, I think there’s like, a lot to go over so I’m gonna try to start from the beginning. This is gonna be a long post so strap in folks. (and ignore my discord nickname, it's an inside joke)

The Descent into Madness

Back in January/February of this year I decided to pick up writing as a hobby, I started off with little blurbs of a potential SB rewrite I had cooking up (and still cooking up today), however that’s not relevant to Ellis, so I’m skipping to the fic he’s actually include in. So, on February 4th I drew this as a joke, but then I wanted to expand on it and make it a fic.

(You can tell this is old by how light Ellis is and comparing him to my current design LMAO) (and the "like the show?" is supposed to be a reference to transformers)

That being said, that fic wasn’t even entirely focused on him, the basic premise was Greg came out to Ellis as nonbinary and Ellis would go “like the code??? XDDDD!!!!”, isn't he so quirky and not like other girls?? /j

“Guys the worms” haha, if only you knew dude.

Okay anyways, the thing was, I don’t think I got that far into reading GGY because most of it SUCKED and was really out of character. I didn’t even used the names “Rab” or “Boots” which actually annoys me so bad I don’t even wanna look at it. Sorry to the Instagram followers who wanted to see it, it’s in the garbage now and I hate it, but that’s completely okay! It was a learning experience for me, which lead me to my next fic that I am. Technically. Still. Working on.

I think this was the moment I realized I grew to be in love with Ellis’s “character”, in quotation marks because he’s not really a character y’know. This is also when I found a way to read GGY properly, so that means I’d have my fic more accurate. I actually documented my reading on my instagram (same username) if you’re interested, though it’s kind of corny looking back on it, definitely exaggerated some of my opinions on it.

If you follow my Instagram, you can see in a story I revealed that I currently find the fic really unfun to work on, and that I enjoyed working on a different one. Let me just explain, I believe that the fic is like, angst with no merit, someone might enjoy reading something like that but I don’t like writing it personally. Right now, I’m in the process of replanning, which is why I’d like to thank our today’s sponsor, Milanote!!!1! Kidding, but Milanote has genuinely made things easier for me it’s kind of insane. Obviously I’m going to keep some aspects in the fic (not spoiling though ^_^) but I hope to make it fun for me to work on again this time around.

I forgot to put my uquiz answer description thing I make for him here wait:

Ellis has a minor role in the short story ‘GGY.’ He is described as being impatient nearly all of the time, bouncing on his heels when he is. He often jokes around with his friend Tony, purposely calling him Tinkerbell instead of the pseudonym Tarbell, and telling him that he thinks too much. He immediately brushes off the writing assignment in Mrs. Soto’s class, saying that the story is due in two weeks and they’ve got plenty of time.

His dad insists that Sundays are for family time. He considers Tony’s real life investigations lame, making a dramatic snoring sound effect when Tony tells him he was people watching. At the end of GGY, Ellis ends up changing Tony’s story completely, albeit probably because of manipulation from Greg/GGY himself, he also compliments the changes they made by saying “it gets better.” (It doesn’t get better they’re probably going to get an F 🫶)

Ellis Fan Design(s)

In this section I’m just going to be rambling about Ellis fan designs, not naming any names though because it’s not really a specific design, just specific design aspects. Soo my first thing is: please stop making him grey/ashy or hell, incredibly light😢😢😢 it reminds me of when I was like 11 and all of my black characters were borderline grey. My second thing is that I’ve seen a handful of designs where he just. Doesn’t have curly hair. It annoys me sooo bad like guys please 😕😕 umm another thing is when people don’t give his square jaw, like maybe they do but it’s just really subtle??? Idk!!!

Anyways my Ellis design went through many changes actually, but one thing that remained consistent was the long hair with the. Brown?? Idk how to describe it lmao. Here are some sketches from old sketchbooks!! There are some more but those are kind of spoiler territory for my fic so >_>,, gotta wait another 8 months for those! /j

Way before these sketches were even created, I had an idea on how Ellis would dress, it's um. It's definitely a fashion statement...!

These were the drawings that had the designs I wanted to stick with, and have stuck with to this day! I took the idea that he would be a Monty fan and ran with it, for the jacket you can actually see it in the "im nonbinary" "like the code???" doodle I did, however looking back the short sleeved jacket and the long sleeved was kind of ugly.. In one of the doodles above, I drew him with ripped jeans, while they're quite fun they wouldn't really fit with the design I have now (and also I can't fit the rips on the current jeans anywhere)

However, that is old art, so here is his current ref I made for art fight! You can actually view his profile here!!!

The he/him/she/her pronouns (for simplification reasons I will only be using he/him in this post) and his birthday being on April 5th actually has some reason to it BUT we are not there yet!!! Oh!! And what's that thing at the bottom? Songs I associate with him?? what!!!

Ellis Playlist WHATT

Pretend I had a really smooth transition into this next topic, ANYWAY!! I'm going to pick a small handful of songs from the playlist and make them relate to Ellis in some way, because I. am really normal. ════════════════════════════════════════════

ᴺᴼᵂ ᴾᴸᴬᵞᴵᴺᴳ : Just Take My Wallet - Jack Stauber's Micropop

hope you like the formatting on this section, anyway

Your mama's crying Your mama's crying for you Mama's lying Oh, what's she trying to do To you?

I think this is self explanatory, after Tony's mom lost her only son a natural instinct is to cry her eyes out. For the "Mama's lying" part I'm just going to bullshit an answer that's relevant to the fic I'm writing. Sooo, in the context that is Ellis being like, y'know, sad, his mom would obviously try to comfort him, and since I hc that he blames himself somewhat, she'd try to tell him it isn't his fault and such, however Ellis doesn't believe that, which is where the "lying" part comes in. For the last two parts, Tony's parents actively tried to change what Tony wrote stories about, aka kind of changing his whole shtick idk.

Good times are singing They sang, they sang Those times are echoing through me Through me

Another theme in my fic is that Ellis reminisces, A LOT. Like first few paragraphs he's like "I miss my friends bro what the fuck!!!!!!!!11"

What's the softest way to say You took away my friend, my buddy? What's the kindest way to say You took away my friend? What's the kindest way to say You took away my friend, my buddy? What's the kindest way to say The end?

In this little animatic idea in my head, this is the part where Ellis and Gregory reunite and Ellis comes to the realization he killed Tony, "The end?" represents them cutting ties with each other, because there's no way their relationship can be healthy anymore. OR IS THERE?? DUN DUN DUNNNNN....

════════════════════════════════════════════

ᴺᴼᵂ ᴾᴸᴬᵞᴵᴺᴳ : Boys Don't Cry - The Cure

I would say I'm sorry If I thought that it would change your mind But I know that this time I have said too much Been too unkind

After Tony gets really pissed with Ellis, Ellis didn't realize what was wrong until later, in which he'd want to apologize and change Tony's mind about not wanting him to work on any writing assignment with him anymore. However he had done too much damage he can't undo, and also Tony is dead but SHHHH SHHHH

I tried to laugh about it Cover it all up with lies I tried to laugh about it Hiding the tears in my eyes 'Cause boys don't cry Boys don't cry

Ellis, being the comedic type in my hc (and many other's I think), would use humor to cover up his feelings by using humor as a coping mechanism y'know? "Boys don't cry" was/still is quite the common mindset, assuming Ellis would believe in said mindset, he's given another reason to not cry. Sorry that's probably a reach HELP.

I would break down at your feet And beg forgiveness, plead with you But I know that it's too late And now there's nothing I can do

I'm pretty sure Ellis would do anything to get Tony back, your honor that was his BEST BUDDY. The last two lines are obvious because Tony is like, dead,,,,, anyways skipping the next section because I'd just repeat myself

I would tell you that I loved you If I thought that you would stay But I know that it's no use And you've already gone away

Ok actually I'm gonna be repeating myself regardless because something something Ellis doesn't want Tony to leave but it's too late and Tony leaves and then dies blahhhh

Misjudged your limits Pushed you too far Took you for granted Thought that you needed me more, more, more

In GGY, Tony brings up that Ellis is very immature and feels as if he is outgrowing him, Ellis changing up his story is what broke the camels back, which is where "misjudged your limits/pushed you too far/took you for granted" comes in, Ellis, thinking Tony thought of him as someone he couldn't lose, so it'd hurt when Tony seemed to drop him just like that (ok well to him it seems unexpected but y'know, Tony's "im not like other girls" inner monologues. (kidding))

Now I would do most anything To get you back by my side But I just keep on laughing Hiding the tears in my eyes 'Cause boys don't cry Boys don't cry Boys don't cry

For the first two lines, I immediately think of @kai-rio 's (sorry for the @ lmk if you want to be removed but also you're really normal about Ellis like me so) Ellis fic, you can read it right here, um, in the briefest summary I can give of the first part, Ellis goes "omg I need to find Tony !!!!! >_<" and like plans. to go to that. like he gets geared up /j. I'd make a joke about the ending but that'd be SPOILERS.... anyways refer to what I said before for the other lines.

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ᴺᴼᵂ ᴾᴸᴬᵞᴵᴺᴳ : I Can't Handle Change - Roar

Hangin' out where I don't belong is nothing new to me I get tired, and I get sick, and then I lose the strength to leave

If anyone reading this saw that. dumbass papa louie pals scene I made, I hc Ellis to be like!!! really alienated from everyone even if he comes off as an extrovert (im giving him every mental illness Ellis im sorry). Funny fact, in one of my ideas for the Ellis fic rework, I have a point that says "mention Ellis constantly feeling sick", not in the literal sense obviously, but it ties in with this lyric methinks.

I can't handle change I can't handle change

Ellis is left grieving the loss of his friend, a change, like the lyric says, he can't handle/accept

Nothing I do is ever good Nothing I do is ever good enough Nothing I do is ever good Nothing I do is ever good Nothing I do is ever good enough Nothing I do is ever good

Did I mention I'm giving him every mental illness ever (/j) well that also includes an inferiority complex, really ties in with the feeling alienated from everyone thing, yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Leave me alone Leave me alone (I wanna go home now) Leave me alone Leave me alone (I wanna go home now)

Guys would you be shocked if I said that I interpret this as Ellis wanting to be left alone??!????!???!?! "I wanna go home now" makes me think of this scene in my fic where Ellis remembers Tony's funeral (you can't spell funeral without fun btw! /j) and wanting to leave like 30 minutes in because he felt so overwhelmed

I can't help but repeat myself I know it's not your fault Still lately, I begin to shake For no reason at all For no reason at all For no reason at all For no reason at all For no reason at all

This would be Ellis to Greg, as Tony's death technically wasn't his fault, but he has to repeat it in his head like a mantra because Greg and GGY shared the same face and it's hard to separate the two from one another. Shaking for seemingly no reason is a symptom of anxiety, and if you checked Ellis's art fight page that I really need to revamp, it's stated he has that so!!! yay!!!!!!!!!!

G-g-g-grellis… VOMITS IN MOUTH. /j (and shipping in the GGY community in general ig)

I think I’m like the only person who ships this now,,,,, Ummmm I just wanna say I don’t really take this shipping thing too seriously because they’re just middle school kids and they’re bound to be silly/awkward. Obviously they do have potential to be really angsty like “oh my god you killed my best friend why do I still love you? Is it because I’m still in love with the person you pretended to be?” Or something idk it’s dumb I like to focus on the sillier things like passing notes in class, trash talking teachers they don’t like, and sharing snacks with each other or whatever.

Absolutely unrelated but can we NOT use the term "yaoi" to describe the relationship between two middle schoolers like, i'm sorry that's just hella weird. Sorry if this is flipline addictspilled flipline addictsmaxxing /inside joke but it's like saying "middle school boy yaoi" like is that NOT weird to you? Also I've seen some really iffy ship art and whenever I come across it I just think to myself: "bro aren't they like twelve???" And I’ve seen no one acknowledge it in the tags of the art, and I’ve brought it up to a friend who is an outsider to the GGY community and they thought the same thing too. Look. Maybe I’m just aroace and believe that romance shouldn’t all be about kissing and shit but someone here has got to agree right 😕

Anyways back to Grellis!!! When I first saw them, I thought their alternative ship name, “Grel”, was “Gel”, and I thought that was the funnier shit ever. You might be asking why I ship them and it’s because like, they’re seen interacting with each other for most of the story, and I don’t have to rely on post-canon “what-ifs” to get their relationship to work.

Ummm for their dynamic I already said they're just silly middle schoolers so. go my grellis related pics

also they play roblox together and watch the mlp eq movies but at the same time they head bang to death metal. Uhh I'm not gonna write about how I think these songs are so them(tm) but two songs I associate with them are Romantic Lover by Eyedress, and Door by iDKHOW. Also my friend @rippcharddrive drew them for an art fight attack and it was the best day of my life

now one might be asking, "why the fuck is NuMarcus from Papa Louie there" well!!!

NUTIMM (And Papa Louie in general)

Now you might remember when I said that I hc Ellis to be born on April 5th and use he/she pronouns and that we'll come back to that later. The reason is Papa Louie, okay well, NuTimm (Timm x NuMarcus) specifically, but Papa Louie in general. But before we get into it, I edited Ellis in the Flipline Style once ^_^

Ok so really short origin story of NuTimm is that it started off as a joke and two of my friends role played them breaking up, but Niall (rippcharddrive) started getting attached to it. Sooner or later he added them to his tomodachi life island and on March 31st 2024, they got together!!! and got married in under and hour of doing so!!! Now, how does this relate to Ellis? well on April 3rd, Timm got knocked up bro /JJJ

Niall didn't know what to name the baby so I jokingly suggested the name Ellis and everyone else liked it so the baby was going to be named Ellis!!

And on April 5th (I think you can understand why that's his birthday now), she was born!!! And everyone in du2 thought she was ugly </3

To make a long story short they ended up having like 7 more kids I think I forgot, and many more grandkids. Then one day I decided to get Tomodachi Life myself (with the help of Niall), made my own island and added fnaf Ellis and NuTimm Ellis to it, long story short they fell in love and eventually got married and became the gayest straight couple (/j). NuMarcus, wanting to give Ellis a head start in parenting, made 2 NuBaby's, each of which have incredibly long and stupid names because Ellis wanted to piss him off.

BUT THEN... THE PLOT THICKENS. On Nialls island, Gregory and NuTimm Ellis fell in love and also got married, thus forming the most confusing love triangle of all time. IM RUNNING OUT OF IMAGES BUT here is when I started using he/she for Ellis

ok guys pretend i have a really good transition to the next and probably last section

Headcanons (shocked face emoji)

I've mentioned multiple of my Ellis hcs in the song portion but I haven't really made an entire list of them so!! Here we go guys!!! We're at the homestretch!!!

- ummm neurodivergent (AuDHD), I interpret him bouncing his heels in that one scene in GGY as his stimming thanks, he also quotes memes as a vocal stim pray for him /jjj - types with a lot of emoticons and exclamation marks - laughs at the dumbest crap ever, you could show him the "she strogan me off till i beef" video and he'd cry laughing - somehow knows every unblocked games website - Picks at his. acne all the time - Knows the" most obscure ass media, he'll go up to Tony and Greg and be like: "Have you guys heard of Zigglyblorfblorf??" and they'll be like "???? WHAT????" - Wanted to become a youtuber when he was way younger because he thought it would be easy and it would make him look cool and awesome (his parents did NOT approve). Speaking of parents I made. fan designs. for them. SEE GUYS I AM SO NORMAL!!! THEY TOTALLY DONT HAVE THEIR OWN LORE OR ANYTHING!!! and totally can't be their own standalone characters1!!!

- Ellis is quite fond of dancing actually ^_^ boogieing and jiving is something he likes - Cuts the fat off his steak before eating it, he HATES the texture - Very emotional/sensitive :// - he sort of kind of lets his full personality show around Tony and Greg which kinda makes the whole “Tony feels like he’s outgrowing Ellis and thinking he’s immature” worse maybe because idk. Differences. - 5'4-5'6 ft tall idk idk - he probably dies ngl /j

- love-hate relationship with slasher films

- on one hand he’s like “hahahah people dying XD I’m so different!!” And genuinely just being squeamish.

Conclusion

um so. i'm glad you've read this far. thanks for reading about my insane thoughts about Ellis GGY uhhh TLDR:

[awaitinganorphanera]

Your game night art is sending me through the roof because now all I can think about is how intense Garp gets when they play Monopoly

OH MAN, I KNOW THIS TOOK WAY TOO LONG FOR ME TO RESPOND BUT WOOPIE

AHH, I’m glad folks are liking the whole small game night comic. Honestly, the whole idea of the 4 of them (kobymeppo, Bogard and Garp) just spending quality time in the most mundane ways possible had been plaguing my mind. And yes! Garp (at least in terms of the manga version of him and maybeee a small part of his live action counter part) would ABSOLUTELY be wayy to hyper and extreme and insane when playing more ‘lighthearted’ chance games like monopoly compared to like, Go or Chess.

Even got me thinking a bit that Garp originally didn’t even want to join much in the family board games Bogard and his beloved cadet children played only until Koby would occasionally yet very passionately reference how he thinks the premise of the Monopoly game is absolutely rancid as he finds it unpleasant as it happens to be a ‘vehicle of political indoctrination and encourages capitalistic ideals’ to Garp each time they spent time together in his office just so the old man could get a chuckle out of watching Koby get into small fervent social commentaries time to time during the game.

Also Garp is the type to cheat idk, man probably asks Koby to read to him each personal ‘keep for later cards’ he owns out loud to Garp (to which Koby had happily obliged to do) while Bogard and Helmeppo just side eyes Garp hard 💀💀

Also last head-cannon that Koby had no idea how to play monopoly in the beginning so Helmeppo and Bogard had to teach him during practice rounds before slowly spiraling into sadness when he realizes that the game rules are corrupt ‘just like in real life’ to which Helmeppo just absolutely tries not to lose it.

[ssukidesu]

Undone

Fandom: The Apothecary Diaries

Pairing: Maomao x Jinshi

Rating: T

Summary: Ever since Maomao was a baby, she knew that crying for something doesn't fix anything. But what happens when relief hits a little too hard?

Read on AO3

Read under the cut

“Pairin, leave her! I shouldn’t have to fight you about this every night.” The old crone sounded harsh, but Pairin hoped she at least understood her hesitance.

“I know…” pouted the pretty lips of the young woman. “I just think she might need to eat more.”

The infant at her exposed breast seemed to concur, not halting her suckling for a moment.

Pairin frowned. “She’ll cry if I unlatch her now. Won’t that be its own problem?”

The old woman’s already minuscule patience finally evaporated completely. “Pairin, if you don’t leave her this instant, I’ll make sure you never have to separate yourself from her ever again.”

In other words, I'll fire you.

Pairin winced, but she knew that she had reached the old woman’s limit. She couldn’t risk losing her footing on this ladder; if she lost her position, she wouldn’t get very much choice at all with who she took to bed, and that was something she promised herself long ago she’d never allow.

She separated the baby’s mouth from her and gently laid her down on the bed. It was far from ideal to lay a baby anyplace it could roll and fall, but if word got out that there was a crib on the premises, the Verdigris House would only worsen the reputational dangers that it was currently clawing so desperately to ameliorate.

She tore herself from the room before the baby’s cries could grow in volume. She might not have been the one to birth her, but her maternal instincts were quite difficult to overcome already, and letting herself hear the pitiful wails of a hungry infant would likely drive her insane.

The doors were sealed shut. The old woman padded the cracks of the door with spare cloths to smother any noise that leaked out.

The baby’s stomach wasn’t empty enough to growl, but it wouldn’t be long before it was. All she had was the instinct for warmth—the instinct to seek touch and attention and care. She cried, and cried, and cried. For hours.

But no one came.

At least, not until dawn. But by then, the baby had cried itself to exhaustion; when the equally tired Pairin finally returned, the baby was asleep.

Pairin expected her to begin crying right when she awoke—just as she had done every morning since their care for her began—but this time, though the baby opened its red and swollen eyelids, no sound came.

And, as the days passed, it became clear that this mute reception would be the only kind she would receive from that point on. Pairin smothered down the horrific realization that perhaps a baby that never cried at all was even more heartbreaking.

……..

The door clicked behind her, but she didn’t hear it. It was as if someone had stuck her head in a fishbowl—every little sound was muffled, or silenced altogether.

There he was.

He stood near the back of the small room, just staring at her, eyes wide in something more than just surprise. His lips were parted, and if her ears had been working, she would have heard his breath stuttering through them. He had blood on his face; whether it was his or someone else’s, she didn’t know. His loose hair was clinging to his sweaty neck and forehead.

His royal armor was still on his body, apart from the helmet, of course, which was hanging loosely by its strap from his fingers. She didn’t even hear it hit the ground when it slipped from them.

He must have heard it just fine, though, because when it did clatter to the ground in an unceremonious crash, it seemed to shock him out of whatever had frozen him in place. He was upon her in four wild strides.

The sensation of his steel breastplate barreling into her chest was enough to revive her hearing, at least, because then his breath was in her ear. It was the loudest thing she’d ever heard. It felt like the only thing she’d ever heard, as if she had lived her life until that point completely deaf.

But she still had her habits.

“Sir, you’re crushing me,” she said almost dryly, in the same tone she always used with him.

“I don’t care,” he said in return. It was not the same tone he always used with her.

“Your armor, it’s…” she began, but she couldn’t articulate further.

“Help it off, then,” he grunted, releasing her only to hold her shoulders under his heavy-weighted hands.

She could see far better up close that the blood wasn’t his. At least, its source wasn’t a wound to the face. That's good, thought Maomao. It'd be bad if he got another scar.

What had he asked her? To help him take off his armor? A voice in her head scoffed. She couldn’t do that—a lady taking off the armor of any warrior was considered a high honor of particular intimacy, even more so when it was the armor of a royal.

But her hands were moving on their own, fumbling, shaking at the straps along his ribs that connected the front plate to the back plate. She started with the left, then moved to the right. It was too heavy for her to stop it from clattering to the ground and joining his helmet. Well, what did he expect? She had never done it before, so of course she wouldn’t do it gracefully.

Her fingers were at his shoulders now, and he was leaning down slightly so she could reach, eyes unblinking and unwavering and only a few inches from her face. One of the straps there was knotted too tightly, and a strange noise left her throat without her consent when she couldn’t loosen it. He brought his opposite hand up to help her, seeming to abhor how it meant he could no longer stare at her.

The ties for his forearms were easier, only a single knot keeping them together on the undersides.

Even she knew better than to kneel and unstrap his leg guards—but it didn’t matter. As soon as his torso and arms were free, she was in his arms again, her eyes barely peeking over his shoulder as her weight was mostly stolen from her tiptoes. This time, she brought her fingers up to tighten around the sodden sleeves of his loose undershirt, between his shoulders and the beginnings of his biceps. He smelled absolutely disgusting. So not even Jinshi could overcome a full day in battle armor unsullied, she mused.

But she didn’t mind it, not really. She was about to ask him to kindly release her, but when she opened her mouth, she found that the act of inhaling air was suddenly a very difficult one. It was more taxing than she’d thought to remove his armor, she supposed.

He heard her ragged breaths and loosened his grip enough to inspect her face.

For the life of her, she couldn’t stop gasping. Had she forgotten to drink enough water that day? Was she coming down with a fever? Had she forgotten to reapply an ointment on one of her current arm experiments? As she was running through all the things it could be, he was ushering her to a low stool on the ground and kneeling in front of her. His hands were on her shoulders again.

"Breathe,” he commanded calmingly before filling his own lungs with air, as if to model the action for her. “Breathe.”

What was his deal? She knew how to breathe. She’d done it every day of her life, almost as long as he had. But she had to admit that it had grown rather difficult since entering the room. Was he burning a strange incense, maybe? She didn’t smell anything—well, except him.

But he kept breathing with her, and she latched onto the rhythm. Over time, it became easier.

Strange.

As soon as she had calmed, he snaked both arms around her waist, forcing her hands to rest along over his shoulders. Their heads were basically level with each other, since he was still kneeling. How close was he going to bring his face?! She considered telling him to let go.

But before she could, he was speaking again. “I’m glad you’re alright.”

This conversation seemed to be one she could have. “You’re one to talk,” she scolded unevenly, feeling more like herself as she brought her fingers to the dried blood on his face. It flaked off easily because of the sweat.

Quite suddenly, Jinshi’s expression changed to one of concern. “Are you alright?”

Puzzled, she tilted her head. “Of course. Why do you ask?”

“Your eyes. They’re welling up.”

“You’re imagining things,” she returned quickly before bringing her sleeve to rub at her eyes. When she pulled it away, she saw that there indeed had been moisture there. “I think I’m having an allergic reaction to something, is all.”

“To me?” he joked.

“Almost certainly,” she stabbed back.

“Don’t act coy,” he said, smiling a very Jinshi-like smile. “You haven’t even said you want me to let you go yet.”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “Some things go without saying.”

He ignored the harsh tone and lowered his forehead to hers. “Just say it, and I will. Promise.”

Yeah right, she thought. His fingers traced along her back, intentionally avoiding her spine. It was a nice sensation.

“Do what you want,” she said, brow furrowing in a manner that felt slightly foreign to her own facial muscles.

“Oh? Is that what you want—for me to do what I want?” he asked, eyes lowering to her mouth quite deliberately. “How dangerous of you.”

His smile became too viciously smug to handle, and she shoved her hand over his mouth to cover it. She pushed his face back from her with the leverage.

“Don’t look at me like that,” she hissed.

His fingers found her wrist, and he forced her hand from his mouth. But he didn’t let it go far: as soon as he was free, he brought his lips to her pulse. “Admit it,” he mumbled against her skin before kissing it softly. “You worried for me.”

She squirmed in his grip, but instead of telling him to release her as he had offered, she pinched him on the arm. “Of course. What happens to the royal family affects everyone in the country,” she argued.

“Of course,” he said, ludicrously. “You’re well known for your patriotism, after all.”

She rolled her eyes and stared at the wall beside them.

“Hey,” he said seriously, angling his head so that he could recapture her gaze, “It’s okay now. I made it back.”

She was mute. She felt her eyes gravitating toward his mouth, and she didn’t want him to get the wrong idea about that, so she forced them to his scar. Her left hand released from his shoulder and came to brush it softly.

“You’re always so fascinated by it,” he observed quietly, letting her rove her fingers. “Why?”

She swallowed thickly. “Because it looks bad.”

He hummed. “As scars do. Is that it? How rude of you.”

She furrowed her brow, trying to think. “And also…”

“Well?” he nudged after she fell silent.

“It was the first piece of evidence I got that you are, in fact, just a regular human being.” She meant for it to come out with sarcasm, but it didn’t quite sound as she meant it to.

His look grew distant and strange—a look she discovered then that she hated. “I wish I could be,” he said.

Maomao scoffed. “I for one am glad you’re a royal. If you weren’t, you’d have too much free time to come bother me.”

He frowned, and something in her chest cracked. Even she knew she didn’t mean that.

Her fingers knew, too: as she was speaking, they had gravitated toward his mouth without her notice and were brushing lightly over his bottom lip.

A shutter ran through him. “Won’t you kiss me?” he asked in a broken voice.

“No,” she said quickly.

“Why not?”

She was going to say because she didn’t want to, but instead her words were: “Because you’re bad at it.”

He grinned. “Teach me, then.”

“That’s not my job,” she jabbed back, holding her scowl firm.

“Someone else’s job, then?”

“…Not my job to determine that, either.”

“But you’re right here. That’s more convenient.”

Her breath stuttered, and she wondered if she really was allergic to him. “…Don’t want to,” she finally managed.

“Then why are you still touching my lips?” he mumbled, and his breath tingled the skin of her fingers. If he’d said it smugly, she probably would have pulled away immediately out of instinctual spite. But he didn’t; it was an unassuming voice, like one would use when asking a child a very difficult question. He didn’t want to scare her away.

She was staring at his lips, too, now—despite her previous efforts not to. She stayed silent.

Jinshi took that as the closest thing to verbal permission she would ever give him, and he lowered his nose to brush hers. “Just one lesson,” he whispered.

When he kissed her, she immediately clicked into some unconscious place, and she began to recall yet again the technical arts she’d learned. But just as she attempted a first move—a subtle flick of her tongue under his top lip—he stopped and pulled away.

“Stop that,” he growled against her mouth. “Forget what you were taught.”

Maomao thought that Jinshi was more inconsistent than ever; he had said this was for practice. How could she teach him if she was to forget all of her own training? But then he said something else to help her in the effort.

“Just do what you feel.”

Maomao felt the air grow humid between their mouths. She met his gaze with uncertainty.

What did Maomao feel? She felt her heart in her throat, for one thing, and that was quite uncomfortable. She also felt entirely empty-headed; nothing akin to a complete thought would form, and for Maomao, that was also a very discomforting thing. As far as she was concerned, Maomao was always indistinguishable from her own thoughts. Her thoughts were her. So where had she gone? She wasn’t sure. But his mouth was still right there, and she figured she might as well give it a try. At the contact, she immediately froze, unsure how to go about “forgetting”.

That is, until he took charge. Her lack of initiative allowed him to take the reins, and his lips slid, prodded, and pursed against her own. All of the sudden, she became hyper aware of his arms wrapped tightly around the small of her back and her own hand that had fallen from his lips to brush against his exposed collarbone. He was so close. He had been even closer the last time they did this, but something about this time was just… well.

Different.

Without doing much herself, his own actions were the point of her focus. Do what she felt—that’s what he had told her. He was doing what he felt currently, she assumed.

Her lips began to move. A small purse was all it was, but the sound it made was audible. She felt his heartbeat stutter in the vein on his neck, which her finger was pressing against. Anytime a voice in her head tried to speak, it was evaporated by his breath against her cheek, or his tongue, which was now on the seam of her lips. Her training would have had her refuse such an attempt at control, would have her bring her own tongue to swirl and subdue his.

But that wasn’t what she felt. Instead, she opened her lips and let him slide in, let him caress and explore. She wasn’t unresponsive, though; she let her own tongue mesh with his with a small bit of pressure here and there, whenever he gave her an invitation.

Her head swelled. Her heart beat against her ribcage, and she knew that he could hear it. But he withdrew his tongue and began anew with light kisses, and she met him at each one until he pressed firmly for one extended dose of sweet contact. It gave her a moment to catch her breath, to move her fingers. He had gathered her in so firmly that her hands could really only rest beneath his neck. She was gripping his shirt there, where the tie was still knotted over his sternum.

And in that moment of calm, a terrifying thought crept out of the fog in her brain—as if it had been waiting dormant this whole time, waiting for a quiet moment to break through—and swallowed her whole:

He could have died today.

He could have died.

This violent thought gripped her lungs and squeezed. She had seen hundreds of people die over her years of life. She knew that this was only the way of the world, that death showed no favoritism in the end. She had often thought that she would be okay even when her father Louman passed—she’d been preparing herself for that since she was old enough to understand its inevitability.

But Jinshi, too, was indeed mortal. And though she hadn’t lost him this time, how many more days like this would come to pass?

Maomao heard a whimper. This was confusing, because it wasn’t his. She felt something warm stream down first her left cheek, then her right. She instantly became acutely aware of a pressure building behind her eyes. What was happening?

Jinshi sensed it too, likely feeling the moisture brush against his cheek, and he pulled away to inspect her.

She was crying. Maomao was crying.

“H-Hey—what’s wrong?” he asked, panicking.

She, too, felt herself begin to tremble. Her eyes were squeezed shut, her teeth clenching so tight behind her lips that it almost hurt.

He nudged her forehead with his, prompting her to speak, but she couldn’t. Maomao distantly observed that her lungs almost felt like they did whenever she had the hiccups, but there was also a burning that she was very much struggling to quell. It built and built until it was too much, and she gasped all at once for a breath, and Maomao noticed that it sounded a lot like a sob.

The sound sent lightning through him, and a second later her face was to his pulse, his strong arms cradling her to his chest as the fingers of one hand wove into the hair at the nape of her neck.

He was shushing her, rubbing circles into the skin in reach of his fingers.

It was bizarre, how the sounds wouldn’t stop escaping her throat. They were far from delicate or womanly, those clumsy cries that came from an unpracticed place in her chest, weak and emaciated. They were ugly and loud and erratic. Maomao could find herself nowhere in her own mind—no thoughts or explanations echoed back to her when she called for aid; there was only this heat behind her eyes, this shake of her fingers, this pressure of her lungs.

Thirty seconds passed, then a minute, and Jinshi stopped trying to shush her, favoring instead to rip his arm from her waist and his hand from her neck and start fumbling with the armor plates around his legs. He couldn’t lean back very much, not with her face buried below his jaw and her fingers on his shirt. The very act of removing his arms from her person seemed to petrify her, and her breath stuttered as she forced herself to immediate silence.

But once he was officially unweighted, he tugged her off the stool and sat himself on the floor, legs bent and lowered to provide a place for her on his lap. Her fingers never unknit from his collar, even when she was jostled forward and prompted by his warm hands to wrap her legs around his lower back. As soon as he resettled her, she sobbed again in what sounded a lot like relief.

Maomao was now slightly higher than him, his arm again secured around her back, and it was his face that came to her neck. His hand was there, too—caressing the side of it while his thumb traced her throat softly. Every few seconds, he would kiss where his thumb had been.

Maomao wondered why he was suddenly so focused on that spot—that is, until she remembered the last time his hand was on her throat. The memory coursed through her, and the next sob that came was strong enough to shake her entire body.

“I’m sorry,” he winced.

What for? Maomao wondered. She would have asked him, but she was still crying too hard to speak. She hated the sounds she made, but they wouldn’t stop coming. His touches were so tender that they would not leave the slightest trace of a mark, and she realized that she did know what he was apologizing for, and she allowed herself to acknowledge for the first time that she understood exactly why he had done what he did so long ago. She was a smart girl; it was no riddle.

Back then, she had responded to him exposing his heart to her by batting it to the ground with the most apathy she could summon. She had caused him such pain—and she was resolved to be immune from any of her own. No wonder he’d snapped and desired to make her feel some kind of pain, even if it was physical instead of emotional, just to see if she was even capable at all. He was wrong to do it, of course—but she understood.

And she supposed he was apologizing now because he wasn’t as happy as he thought he’d be at seeing her fall apart for real.

He was still kissing her. She was still crying, with wrenching sobs fighting out of her every few seconds. Once he felt satisfied with his affections on her throat, he leaned back, reclining until he was laying on the floor with her weight fully on top of him.

Her wet cheek was on his chest, and she thought about wiping her face with her sleeve before her tears soaked his shirt, but she figured it didn’t matter. It was already dirty with sweat—he would survive.

A hand caressed the back of her head, tangling into her hair, and his other rested lightly on the small of her back, tracing small circles. And they laid like that, until Maomao officially lost her sense of time. Had it been ten minutes? An hour? She hoped not—she’d need to drink some water soon to replenish fluids if she’d been crying that long. She did manage to stop sobbing, and he filled the resulting silence with whispers in her ear.

“I’m here,” he crooned. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Liar, she thought, and her tears regained the fervor they’d lost.

But he kept speaking, kept insisting.

“I’ll find a way. I will marry you.”

You can’t. Don’t make promises you can’t keep.

“I promise. I swear it.”

She cried until night had well fallen. When the tears finally ran dry, Jinshi sat them up slowly and dislodged her, placing her back on the stool. He filled a cup of water from a pitcher and handed it to her. She drained it three times.

She tried a couple of times to speak, and he brushed the moistened hair from her face as she cleared her throat. “Jinshi?” she finally managed.

His heart leapt at her familiar address, even if it wasn’t technically his name. He was gripping her hand, holding her gaze tenderly. “What is it?”

She brought her sleeve to her face and wiped her nose, which was dripping. “You really stink.”

He smiled so brightly that an onlooker would think she had told him she loved him.

Maybe she had, in her own way.

[maddilynmuse]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/55890415/chapters/141920194

Huh. I wrote almost 10,000 words in less than a week. When the brainrot hits, it really fucking hits.

WARNING, POST GAME SPOILERS, CONTINUE AT OWN RISK! (And if you do click the link, y’know, mind the tags)

Anyways, hello In Stars and Time fandom! Look what I just finished up earlier today~ For those who don’t obsessively check ao3, it’s a little series I’ve made about Siffrin post-canon having some time loop trauma manifesting as getting stuck in just repeating his lines (well, most lines are his, hehe) and going semiverbal. This here is a prequel to the smaller fic “Line, Please” which is the same basic premise, but later chronologically (so the fam isn’t quite as freaked out).

Do mind the warnings, this is a trauma response after all, but what can I say? For as much as I like to break characters open and see them bleed, I also adore some hurt/comfort and recovery. I think this game and fandom ought to understand, Change is destruction, but can be good too.

… and I wasn’t sure whether to go into it on ao3 or if it’d be weirdly personal and TMI, but fuck it. This was partly inspired by me going nonverbal about a week prior to “Line, Please.” It doesn’t happen to me often (I could count the times on one hand), but the mortal terror and sheer, prolonged dread of hearing people talk about imminent tornadoes all day, hurriedly packing as much as you can into a bag and going to the closest thing you have to shelter only to realize it is closed, it will not accept you, you cannot get in, desperately looking for anywhere else and slowly realizing you have no good options… Well, good news (for me at least), it missed us. I didn’t lose my life, car, apartment, or anything I owned. But turns out an entire day of slowly building terror and helplessness will fuck up your mental state. Im lucky that was the worst though.

… so yeah.

Anyways! Back to fic, there’s a nonzero chance I’ll somehow manage another insane bout of productivity next week, but there’s also a nonzero chance I will once more fall off the face of the earth for months (for more details, see the unnecessarily long author’s note on chapter 3, but good news! Job’s been confirmed, YA GIRL WILL CONTINUE TO HAVE INCOME!!! NO STARVING! YAY!)

Hope y’all have enjoyed, and sorry not sorry for the rant. You chose to click Read More, I wash my hands of responsibility /hj (but seriously, thanks for reading and have a good day).

And zero pressure, especially since I really don’t put too much on there, but link to Kofi.

[angael-a]

There weren’t a lot of things that could set Oscar off. He was stable, consistent, unbothered. It was something that everyone around him noted, and he took pride in it. 

If there was one thing, however, it would be pre-season testing. Don’t get him wrong—he loved the track, loved racing, and that first lap in the car after the off season was always exhilarating. 

It was the stuff after the rush that was unbearable, the hours of data analysis, fussing with equipment, and random runs on track. The time where you discover two things: 

1.) The car is shit. (Except, of course, you’re a Redbull driver, which Oscar is not.) 

2.) Nobody knows what they’re doing. 

These complaints resonated throughout, well, the entire grid. Nobody wanted to listen to engineers talk about something they didn’t understand while nodding at what seemed like the right times and trying not to go insane. 

So, in true racing driver fashion, they designed a competition. 

The premise of the game was simple: whoever could slip the most song lyrics into casual conversation without being noticed is the winner. The only rules were no teaming up, no quoting casual phrases (it has to be obnoxious), and if you get called out five minutes or less after quoting, you’re eliminated. 

Thank you @2bluetwo85 for editing !!

-DAY ONE-

The first person Oscar sees when he arrives on track is Lewis, walking down the pit lane. As he passes the commentary box, his eyes latch onto something--or someone-- inside. There’s something unreadable in his expression, something Oscar's never seen before. 

He thinks about it, walking towards the Mclaren garage. There's only two people commentating today, and only one of those people mean something to Lewis Hamilton. Nico Rosberg, 2016 F1 World Champion, and Lewis' ex-teammate, rival, sort-of-kind-of-not-really lover. It's not a secret within the grid--both parties aren't exactly subtle, as recently demonstrated. 

When he steps into the hospitality and finds one beaming Lando Norris, he tells him as much. Lando grins, and points: 'I know someone even less subtle.' 

Behind them, at the entrance of the Redbull garage, stand Charles and Max, engaged in conversation. He's not quite sure what they're discussing, but it involves a lot of hand-waving and exaggerated expressions. 

(Although, he supposes, Charles and Max always look like they're in the middle of a presidential debate.) 

At that moment, Zak calls them over, urging everyone into a meeting room. It's wholly pointless, just a lot of emotional speech and encouragement for the coming year, even if it comes in the form of trashing last year's car. 

Oscar seizes the opportunity: straight-faced, he says, 'Just because it didn't work, doesn't mean it's meaningless to me. Just wasn't meant to be.' 

He gets a few strange expressions from the crew around him--Lando included--but Zak says, without missing a beat, 'That's right. THREE CHEERS FOR MCLAREN!' and the attention is, thankfully, taken off him. 

He silently thanks Zak Brown and his endless optimism.

*

It’s only after the first session ends and Oscar is listening to radio replays--one of his favourite pastimes, both because of the data and because of the entertainment he gets from it—that he realizes a good amount of the grid has gotten a lot more done than he has. 

It seems that, during the several runs used to collect aero data, the drivers took it upon themselves to throw quotes at their engineers through the radio. 

The engineers that were completely oblivious of their shenanigans, and hence unaware of the game. 

(Looking back, he should have expected this. It was completely in character for the grid to find loopholes in any situation.) 

A few highlights: 

Valtteri saying, voice wistful, 'And it’s been ages, different stages…'

Alex, proclaiming 'I WANT IT THAT WAY!'

Charles, completely emotionless, 'Am I the only, only believer?' 

Lewis, telling Bono 'You and me got a whole lotta history.' 

Pierre, complaining, 'I’m like a boat on the water.' 

And, finally, Logan, who came through with a beautiful 'You’re turning heads when you walk through the door.' When someone asked if their hair was standing up. 

By the end of it, Oscar’s had enough. He pulls up Google, and, face determined, starts researching song lyrics. 

(In the back of his head, he wonders, slightly hysterically, what this sport has come to.) 

Will possibly maybe probably have a part 2?? If I have the motivation??

[everybody-loves-purdy]

Saying that Dovewing pressured Tigerstar to have kits when a large part of the reason why her relationship with Bumblestripe soured was because he was pressuring her to have kits right after her Clanmate died is on a different level of insanity. She and Bumblestripe weren’t even mates anymore when that happened, so Bumblestripe even bringing up kits to Dovewing was completely out of left field.

If that person is referring to the dialogue between Dovepaw and Tigerheart where she shyly brings up the topic of him living in ThunderClan and them having kits in the future, she immediately dropped the subject when she realized it made Tigerheart uncomfortable. (as shown below)

“She pushed away the thought of the Dark Forest and the battle to come. She only wanted to be here, now, with Tigerheart. “Next leaf-fall you might be living in ThunderClan,” she whispered. The idea made her warm. “We might have kits.”

Cold air hit her pelt as Tigerheart drew away. “Whoa!” He glanced sideways at her, not breaking his pace. “That’s not important right now, is it?” His mew was light, but his words felt like a claw-scratch on Dovewing’s heart.

“O-of course not!” Why had she blurted out such nonsense? If Tigerheart wasn’t ready, that was okay. Just being a warrior is great!”

There’s a difference between a young apprentice innocently bringing up the possibility of her having kits in the future VS an adult warrior taking advantage of a Clanmate’s death (that had occurred like 5 minutes prior) to try and manipulate his ex back into a relationship and starting a family with him on the premise of “life being too short”.

I entirely agree

I also love how they assumed she pressured him into having kits despite this canonically being a massive inconvenience for both of them at the time to the point that Dovewing ran away to a church over it. And then they accuse Dovewing of wilfully neglecting the kids she allegedly pressured Tigerheart to have.

I really hope it’s a youngish child who said these things. I would very concerned if not given that they are faulting a child for being in a relationship with an adult and not the other way around. I know in the actual text Dovewing is a warrior during this conversation but OP didn’t know that.

[cartoonrival]

Wow that was quick and quiet. How was it. Were there any parts you liked. Any you didn’t. How do you feel about every character from su hating you

ok. so for anyone who doesn't know , the premise of kist is that yoon bum, who is sort of a loner pervert stalker freak, is obsessed w this guy he met once in the military (oh sangwoo) so he breaks into sangwoo's house because he's in love with him. but when he does this he finds a woman tied up in sangwoo's basement and sangwoo shows up and clonks him on the head then breaks his ankles so he can't leave. the story simultaneously follows sangwoo and bum's relationship as it morphs from a pretty basic kidnapper-kidnappee dynamic into something that would be love if it wasn't so much not that, and also a cop (yang seungbae) who is trying to catch a sangwoo but he's sort of disgraced so no one believes him. + porn is there also.

most of it was like ok..... i'm by no means unfamiliar with stories that are fucked up in a way that doesn't mean anything its just Did you see that shit? anyways im rod sterling. like considering i forked over the cash to watch terrifier 3 in theaters i am not the guy who thinks horrible plotlines need to justify themselves. so for the vast majority of the story it was just like .... it was vaguely interesting watching sangwoo and bum's relationship develop as sangwoo became less concerned that bum would try and run away and started to treat him less like a hostage and more like a lover (who is also a hostage). didn't care for the sex scenes because no part of me was reading the story for sexual reasons i was reading it to watch something fucked up happen. so bum's waifish appearance and behaviors were really starting to piss me off. but we persist.

as i mentioned in my halfway post, i DID find seungbae's perspective somewhat interesting because it let me view sangwoo from a perspective other than bum's terrified but smitten one. which i think those povs work best in tandem. the story would be boring if it was just one or the other.

a little background first for the insane twist that made me start posting for realsies: sangwoo's father was abusive, and he drove his mother into madness. his father died of poisoning by pills cooked into his food, it's unspecified whether sangwoo or his mother was responsible for this directly but even if it wasn't by his own hands sangwoo feels responsible. in the absence of his father, sangwoo's mother starts referring to and treating sangwoo (who looks like his father) AS IF he WERE her husband. like she calls him babe not infrequently, stuff like that. this freaks him out. the fact that he looks like his father makes the irrational part of her hate him. he starts to suspect that she's been poisoning him, so he starts counting the pills so he can know if she's been putting them in his food. he learns that she has. she ties him up and almost kills him in the basement, but he manages to overpower her and kill her before she can kill him.

Now. first relevant detail is that sangwoo has been living in his childhood home this whole time. this detail is known from the start. he vaguely references not wanting to be abusive in the way his father was throughout the story, but you aren't fully told what exactly led to the deaths of his parents until later. the point when you DO learn is after sangwoo and bum have gone on a series of outings together, with strange but seemingly innocuous details-- sangwoo buys them apples and seems strangely familiar with the stand theyre sold at, he has bum wear weirdly specific outfits (the main outfit being a striped shirt and long black skirt).

then, as backstory details about sangwoo are being revealed, you slowly realize that sangwoo has been REENACTING MOMENTS BETWEEN HIMSELF AND HIS MOTHER, WITH BUM AS THE STAND-IN FOR HIS MOTHER. HE HAS BEEN REENACTING THE MOST TRAUMATIC MOMENTS OF HIS CHILDHOOD. HE HAS BUM KILL THIS RANDOM GIRL AND TAKES HIM TO BURY HER IN THE SAME MOUNTAIN WHERE HIS MOTHER TOOK HIM TO BURY HIS FATHER. HE HAS BUM WEAR THE SAME OUTFIT HIS MOTHER WORE THAT DAY. there are more fucked up and uncomfortable instances of these parallels but i won't get into them because the specifics aren't necessary. the point is that bum is serving as a stand-in for sangwoo's mother, who mistook him for her husband and also tried to kill him. just a bizarre and insane revelation and the way it's revealed is honestly so effective. just repeated panels but this time it's his mother in the passenger seat type stuff. like WOAHHH OKAY.

and where it gets even crazier is that sangwoo starts becoming paranoid that bum is plotting to kill him like his mother was-- he starts counting the pills again and thinks bum has poisoned him when he accidentally spills them and miscounts. it's a bizarre role flip-- sangwoo is neurotic and terrified, and bum seems well adjusted in comparison. sangwoo steps on broken glass and CAN'T LEAVE THE HOUSE, putting HIM in the position that he'd put BUM in for the first portion of the story, the reason bum stayed long enough to get stockholmed to begin with. this break down and subsequent flipping of their roles is what made me sort of lose it. i genuinely enjoyed reading that portion, the reveal about sangwoo's mother and his breakdown afterwards.

the ending was honestly not much to write home about, lowkey dropped the ball a little. i think sangwoo and bum should've died in a double suicide situation. sangwoo did make bum promise that they would die together and that if sangwoo died bum would kill himself. sort of think they should've gone w that. but instead seungbae catches sangwoo and there's a freak incident and sangwoo ends up DYING in the hospital and bum is cleared of police suspicion in terms of being an accomplice rather than a victim. but then he goes sort of crazy about never being able to see sangwoo again (he already symbolically proposed to him but he wanted to give him a ring) and he goes crazy and then gets hit by a car and dies. lame! but it's fine.

tldr it was mostly mid and what you'd expect except for that one part which sort of knocked my socks off a little bit. but then it went back to being mid. i don't NOT get why it was popular and to be completely honest dressing up as sangwoo and bum would be like darkly funny if it wasn't for the fact that people see them as just like uwaa yaoi!!! instead of two really fucked up individuals who are like destined to die badly and stuff. i'm glad i read it but i don't recommend it. honestly having read it the "every character from steven universe will hate you" thing is even funnier like this isn't basic shitty toxic yaoi this is psychological horror. why do the characters in steven universe have an opinion on that. too funny.

[dangermousie]

OK I just realized every year for quite a while there is one cdrama I go utterly insane and irrational for and I never know which one it’s going to be

2019: Novoland Eagle Flag - trailers looked cool but I knew nothing about the story and had never seen the cast in anything. Checked out because it looked pretty and grim went totally insane.

2020: The Wolf - I didn’t even know it would ever air, let alone anticipate it. Waking up to @andoqin screaming in my messages that The Wolf just dropped, yes all of it, is still the most awesome and surreal moment of my drama watching career.

2021: The Rebel Princess - they only announced the airing the day before and same with a very short nondescript trailer. I checked out because of the cast expecting nothing and lost my entire mind.

2022: Love Between Fairy and Devil: I was actively mocking this one before it aired, I hated that trailer and their male lead can’t act and the premise is dumber than a box of rocks irradiated with a dumbing down ray. Two minutes into the opening and I had to eat every single word I said before. The obsession I had with this thing!

2023: Lost You Forever Part 1: this is going to be the most hyped and the least watchable hit of the summer, thought I. Nobody could coherently explain to me what the story was about, I eye reverse harems like a Puritan eyes a satanic orgy, and the closest I came to liking anyone in the cast was Tan Jianci, where the last drama I enjoyed him in was in 2018. For Yang Zi it was 2013, I was utterly unfamiliar with Zhang Wanyi and Deng Wei to me was the personification of the color beige. Plus none of the trailers grabbed me. Checked it out only because I check out most costume cdramas and now am clearly raving and obsessed about the drama, the story and the cast. Mmm crow!

Ok, clearly I’ve kept the pattern running for five years let’s see if we can go for six.

[gothushi]

Scenario: you the ex, come back. I feel like Charlie, Simon, & Nikolai will throughly ruine you so you can’t walk straight for days and you remember you belong to them. “Mine” “you are not leaving me” “everyone will know you’re mine “ “I’ll find you if you try”

Luke , Ernest, and Father Anthony are HELLA needy. A lot of “don’t ever leave me again “ “I’ll do anything you want”

Now Hook on the other hand (pun fully intended) he shows up in your living room. “Darling… you know how much I love chasing. “

i wish i could answer these with voice notes because im scrolling through my inbox and just talking my own ear off LMAOOO

i fully agree with this like i can see u leaving all of the boys except rob (dont worry will post the second ask after this) ITS SO FUNNY U NOT INCLUDING HIM BC UR RIGHT!!!!

im just gonna ramble bc i agree with all of these. i can see u leaving charlie/simon for like a similar reason they’re so focused on some job/simon’s focused on brendan so badly that they either unknowingly or on purpose are pushing you away. but eventually they come to their senses once they realize just how fucking empty and lonley they both feel. all three of them would totally be so possessive so feral like they’re desperate to never have u leave ever again. i can see nikolai just … not appreciating what he had until u left. maybe he was just being a dick overall and he just randomly notices ur not home .. spends forever trying to find u.

i feel like luke could be a similar situation to nikolai, he just wasn’t taking the relationship seriously and didn’t realize how bad it was getting for u till ur gone. (i cant see him avoiding/ignoring u talking to him abt it though, so it’d kinda be u just up and leaving w no warningbcu think he doesn’t care. say u got separated from ernst bc of the boat crash, once he’s rescued and is back home he is ALLLL OVER UUUU!!!! never wanting to be away from u, never ever ever. i feel like for anthony it’d be a mutual thing like he doesn’t think he deserves it nor is allowed to (i picture u guys close but not like… officially together yk. bc the thick undeniable heart burning tension is there and u both know u love each other) he has a convo with one of the ladies at the church and the older woman smacks him upside the head like ‘what is wrong with u????? go get ur woman!!!!’.

now hook… good pun btw, is definitely just fucking insane. but u like it. i rly like the entire premise of a poor reader, probs homeless and never rly having that security. u’d probs end up leaving bc u feel like a burden and ur shuddering in the cold city streets when he just pulls up beside u and snaps at u to get in…. u actually cant escape

[liaromancewriter]

What Could Have Been (4/?)

Series Premise: When Ethan breaks his promise, Cassie is forced to accept they’re not inevitable after all.

Book: Open Heart Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Cassie Valentine) Rating/Category: Teen. Angst Words: 1,195

Series Masterlist

Chapter 4: New Normal. Old Habits. Time to accept the reset and explore new possibilities.

Whenever Cassie Valentine had imagined her life as a doctor, it invariably involved her medical hero, Ethan Ramsey. Back then, she had only known his words and thoughts on diagnostics.

She had come to Edenbrook to learn from him and hopefully impress him enough that he’d agree to mentor her. Falling in love with him hadn’t been part of her plan.

Their relationship hadn’t been the plan, and yet they were inevitable. Or so she had believed once upon a time.

Nothing lasts forever, she reminded herself as she got dressed for work. She would always carry a version of him in her heart, one she didn’t have but couldn’t lose.

Despite the awkwardness of the last few weeks, their relationship had begun to… normalize. They were professionals, after all, and loved the work. When it came to the Diagnostics Team, Cassie was already learning so much.

Their latest case involving Lamar Stevenson was the perfect example. It would have never occurred to her to conduct a home visit to diagnose an illness. But the systematic way Ethan walked her through the process opened her eyes.

For a while, she forgot that they were no longer together as a couple. Once they were away from the hospital, the easy banter returned, and so did the light teasing she could never resist with him. Ethan could be too serious, but never with her.

“If I lived here, I would lose my mind,” she said dramatically, gazing at the placid bay.

The beach house didn’t even have the melodrama of angry waves crashing against the rocks. What exactly did people do with so much quiet?

“What about this would make you go insane?” Ethan asked in surprise, clearly not expecting her answer.

“Are you kidding?” She shook her head and spread her arms to encompass the scene. “It’s way too boring! I need to live in the middle of the action.”

“One would think you already get plenty of action,” Ethan grinned, his expression more relaxed than she’d seen in a while.

When Cassie raised one eyebrow, his face flushed, and he stumbled over his words. “I meant your casework. Get your mind out of the gutter.”

“Too late,” she almost quipped but suddenly remembered who they were, or weren’t rather, and swallowed her words.

When she almost fell off the chair while reaching for the photo album from the top of the armoire, she never doubted Ethan would catch her. But she hadn’t been prepared for the scent of his cologne and that feeling of rightness as he held her in his arms.

They stared at each other, blue eyes clashing with green, both reluctant to let go. Following instinct, she leaned closer, and he did the same, their foreheads almost touching.

This is how it could’ve been, Cassie thought wistfully. But it wasn’t; she was only torturing herself and him by letting the moment linger.

That was yesterday. Today, it was back to being Dr. Valentine and Dr. Ramsey.

Cassie exited the subway station with Sienna, half-listening to her friend talk about her intern Mitch. Her mind was jumbled with her dream of Ethan last night and Lamar’s worsening condition.

As they neared the hospital’s entrance, Sienna nudged her shoulder forcefully. Cassie glanced at her friend and realized someone was standing before them, blocking their way.

Nate Hanson looked just as good as she remembered. They had gone on one date six months ago but had flirted plenty over text. Conflicting schedules kept getting in the way of their second date.

And then things between her and Ethan changed after Miami. There wasn’t room for anyone else in her heart after that.

“Nate? What are you doing here?” she asked, wondering if she missed a message from Max that his friend was coming to Boston.

“Board meeting,” he said, smiling in a sincere way that was part of his charm. “My company concluded the research project with the hospital, so I’m presenting final recommendations to the board.”

Nate looked askance at Sienna, who was watching him with curiosity. Cassie quickly made the introductions.

“It’s good to see you, Cassie,” Nate said, the appreciative look in his hazel eyes boosting her self-confidence. “Is it too much to hope you’re still single?”

“She’s definitely single,” Sienna grinned cheekily.

Nate laughed, and Cassie threw her friend a disgruntled look. Unrepentant, Sienna waved it away and slid a lascivious sideways look at Nate.

His phone pinged, and he checked the screen. “Shoot. I have to head upstairs.”

He moved closer, and Cassie tilted her head back to gaze into his eyes.

“Can I please take you to dinner tonight? Our previous efforts at scheduling didn’t work, so let’s be spontaneous,” he added when Cassie looked doubtful.

“I get off at six,” Cassie relented.

“Great! I’ll pick you up at seven from your apartment. If that works?” Nate said.

“Seven is perfect,” Sienna piped in.

He smiled and winked conspiratorially at Sienna, making Cassie huff in exasperation.

“Don’t you want to know where I live?” Cassie called out as he started to walk away.

“I’m a hotshot CEO. I’ll find out,” Nate shot back cockily over his shoulder.

Suddenly, he turned around as if pulled by a string and slowly walked back toward her, looking abashed.

“Sorry. I was trying to be cool,” Nate said, nervously running one hand through his hair. “I have no idea where you live and, short of asking your brother, no way of finding out in a way that would be considered legal.”

“Give me your phone,” Cassie ordered, rolling her eyes but secretly amused too.

Later that day, Cassie sipped the coffee Alan Ramsey had bought her as thanks and absently reflected on her upcoming date.

But her mind kept drifting to Ethan and his vulnerability, barely there before his mask descended when his mother was mentioned. So much of his life was a closed book and always would be, she thought morosely.

Meeting his father, knowing Ethan had mentioned her to him, had been the highlight of her afternoon. And for another brief moment, back at the coffee shop, they’d forgotten about the reset.

She hated seeing Ethan upset and reached across the table to press her hand to his. He didn’t resist. Instead, he gently stroked hers with his thumb. The gesture was so loving and familiar tears pricked her eyes.

“I’m here for you,” she whispered, feeling his anger and pain.

Cassie wanted to wrap her arms around him, for him to be hers again so that she could comfort him in a way not allowed between colleagues. But the spell broke with his next words.

“I mean it, Cassie. This means nothing,” he said definitively. “I don’t even know why my father came all the way here to tell me.”

It was sobering to realize the man she loved could be so heartless. If he was willing to easily cut his mother off and call her a stranger, what chance did Cassie have that he’d eventually let her back into his life?

Despite his gentle touch, Ethan could be harsh and unforgiving. And she would do well to remember that.

----------------