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beanwaterontherocks · 2 months ago

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80's Slasher Style

Fandom: Killer Chat! Pairing: Ronin Beaufort x gn!reader Summary: You already expected a summer camp counselor job to come with its fair share of problems. Those you were way too underpaid to deal with. But a murderer? Really? Warnings: Murder and implied violence, Summer Camp AU Word count: 3616

Normally having the thought “I’m not getting paid enough for this” while working at a summer camp came to you when you had to break up a fight or deal with a clogged toilet. Your biggest gripes with the job were mosquito bites and unruly kids. But that was your first thought when you saw your coworker Ronin dragging a real life corpse into the woods.

You had tried to rationalize it at first, maybe you were tired and seeing things. Maybe it was one of the dolls from your CPR training day. But no, you saw the way blood dripped from the body’s head, staining the ground as Ronin moved into the trees.

Breakfast in the dining hall was filled with its usual laughter and the occasional piece of food thrown. You stared into your watery coffee, mind racing with the memories of last night. When you first met Ronin you hadn’t noticed anything off.

Sure, his whole devil spiel was interesting to say the least but he was good with the kids. You never imagined the hands that were making beaded bracelets just yesterday would be capable of murder. As much as it pained you to say now, you had even found him a little cute. An echo of your name sounded in your ear and you turned to see Misaki, who had sat down next to you while you were lost in your thoughts.

“Are you okay? You seem a little out of it”, they said, popping an apple slice into their mouth. You tried your best to give a reassuring smile that likely had the opposite effect.

“It’s nothing I’m just…worried about the hike and camping today”, you lied, eyes darting around looking for burgundy hair. Ronin wasn’t there, was he still out in the woods getting rid of the evidence? Who had he even killed, who was missing?

“I’m sure it’ll be fun, I’ve got tons of creepy ghost stories ready”, Misaki said proudly.

“Please don’t, they’re not going to sleep if they’re scared”, Angel laughed as she passed your table. It was still a trip to have a famous model working as a camp counselor, you still hadn’t asked her about why she was here.

“Do not eat the ladybug, I am sure it would not appreciate it”, a voice spoke and you looked over to see V gently taking the spotted insect from a kid. You found your heartbeat steadying as you realized you could depend on one of your other coworkers. You had to tell one of them about what you saw, before Ronin realized that you had seen him.

The camp director approached you, his knuckles white as he gripped his clipboard.

“We’re a counselor short for the hiking trip, I’m putting Ronin on your team”, he said and you almost crushed the paper cup in your hand. Your pulse spiked again as you swallowed your nervousness.

“Wasn’t Mike going to come with us?” You asked tentatively. He shook his head and leaned in close to you.

“Mike quit last night, he just texted me that he was going home and then left! Can you believe it?” He scoffed and you felt your heart sink, knowing where he really was, likely buried just a few hundred feet away.

“I really can’t…” you mused as he walked away. Now you had to camp out in the forest at night with a killer, you really didn’t get paid enough for this. You finished your breakfast and headed back to the activities cabins, there was half an hour before morning activities started. You wondered if you should take a page out of Mike’s fake book and quit on the spot. Sure, you needed the money but 12 dollars an hour wasn’t worth dying for, not even in this economy.

You wandered past the bonfire and towards the arts cabin. The only sounds were the distant screams of excited kids and the chirping of birds. That was until you heard him behind you, his voice sending a shiver down your spine. You were almost expecting a knife to your throat but Ronin stood there with his hands in his pockets.

“Mornin’, I can’t wait for the hike later, just me, you and the wilderness”, he laughed, his usual toothy grin had an underlying sinister tone.

He had seen you too.

“You’re forgetting 3 other counselors and 20 kids”, you said, picking at one of your braided friendship bracelets. He wouldn’t do anything in broad daylight, hopefully.

“Yeah them too, I hear Misaki’s got some ghost stories, I bet you love a good scare”, he said, leaning forward to be at eye level with you. You gritted your teeth, maybe you should just call the police and get the fuck out of there.

You weren’t really sure why you didn’t, whether it was cowardice or feeling that it’d somehow be futile. Ronin’s expression was completely calm and casual, either he truly didn’t know or he was extremely confident, annoyingly cocky even. In what you weren’t sure of yet, that you wouldn’t tell anyone? That he could easily get rid of you?

Your entire body was on alert the longer you spent alone with him but, to your surprise, he turned on his heel and began to walk away. Ronin shot you one last smile over his shoulder and the adrenaline coursing through your veins was accompanied by something warmer. You absolutely did not have time to question your still lingering attraction to a guy you knew was a murderer. Not when you had to be at the arts cabin for pottery lessons.

You donned a pair of plastic gloves and opened a pack of sandwich bread, there was a lot of food to prepare for the hike and you had decided to help the camp cook. The door to the kitchen swung open as you began spreading jelly onto the bread.

V walked into the kitchen, spotting you and giving a nod as a greeting. He was quiet most of the time, but perked up with fun facts every time there was talk about wildlife. Apparently he was quite wealthy so you wondered why he would spend his time working for peanuts at a random summer camp. But he seemed to enjoy being outside and people could have hobbies.

Out of the corner of your eye you saw V carrying a large hunk of wrapped raw meat out from the fridge. You did remember the cook saying that dinner for the hike would be stew with pork sirloin. V picked up a large, shining meat cleaver and got to work chopping up the meat.

The way he held the blade drew your attention. There was so much conviction behind his grip on the wooden handle. He seemingly wasn’t phased by the heaviness of the knife or the sharpness, his cuts were clean, precise and…perfect. The meat quickly and efficiently turned from a slab into a bunch of uniform squares, not a piece wasted.

You recalled how V avoided any bacon, sausage or eggs at the breakfast tables and how he always had his own, different dish at dinner.

“You’re really good at that, I thought you didn’t eat meat”, you said as you packed up another sandwich. V glanced at you as he put the cubed meat onto a metal tray.

“I don’t eat it, though I suppose I’m skilled at butchering without waste”, he said, his brows furrowing slightly at the word ‘butcher’. You couldn’t get the image out of your mind, steady hands that had seemed so gentle skillfully cutting into flesh. It was just pork and he probably cooked a lot for other people, you reassured yourself. Your mind was just paranoid after finding out about Ronin, you were seeing danger everywhere.

You showed the boy how to braid the bright colorful string once again and leaned back in your chair. Ronin had been absent from your line of sight since that morning. Maybe he was starting to get worried that you were going to tell someone. Or maybe he was just playing with you, like a looming cat with a squeaky mouse toy. You couldn’t let him sink his claws in, no matter what happened.

Angel sat in the chair opposite yours, making sparkly beads into stunning bracelets. The pieces she had already made adorned her wrists and neck, jazzing up the plain t-shirt with the camp’s bear logo. You found your gaze traveling to one of her wrists, the bracelet was made up of the dainty crystal beads you had bought for the camp before the season started.

Though one bead was different, it was sort of…lumpy and a slight off-white. Your eyes narrowed, what had looked like a matte freshwater pearl before now looked wrong and almost familiar. You didn’t know why, but you ran the tip of your tongue over one of your canine teeth. Something jolted up your spine as Angel looked away from her work to catch you staring.

“Is something wrong?” She asked, tilting her head and you quickly shook yours.

“I’m okay, just didn’t get a lot of sleep, I was zoning out”, you said, rubbing the back of your neck. You were being so paranoid, you needed to tell someone about Ronin soon to get this weight off your chest. Angel propped a hand under her chin and smiled at you, making you feel less tense.

“If you want to catch up on some sleep you can go to bed early tonight, I’ll watch your group for you”, she offered and you sighed, there was no reason to worry about someone as sweet as Angel was.

Your sneakers crunched against the dry ground, it was a hot day so you would need plenty of water for the hike. Maybe you could still quit, it’d be a dick move but a lot better than potentially being murdered 80s-slasher-style. As you walked towards the counselor’s cabins you spotted a group of campers playing soccer on an empty expanse of grass. You spotted a tall, burgundy-haired figure playing with them.

Ronin laughed as a kid passed him the ball, he ran between two others trying to block him and kicked the ball into the rusty old goal. His teammates cheered and Ronin bent down to give one of them a high-five. It would have been sweet, maybe it would have even endeared you to him. But you couldn’t ignore the memory flashing in your mind and the rotten taste in your mouth that accompanied it. Black eyes locked with yours, glimmering like embers with an infuriating mischief.

How could he find any of this funny? Ronin ran his fingers through his hair, pushing it out of his face and you could see the glistening sweat on his skin. You scoffed and turned your head away, ignoring the way your face heated up. You had to get it together now, this was serious.

Even though the light poured through the trees, casting beams of sunshine onto the buttercup-littered forest floor, the woods looked anything but inviting to you. You felt the pocket on the side of your cargo shorts. The knife you had brought was no sharp hunting knife, it was barely longer than your ring finger and made for whittling. But as much as you (told yourself that) hated Ronin, you didn’t want to stab him so the blade was really just insurance.

Almost as if he had read your mind, the man in question walked up to stand next to you. Him, Angel, V, Misaki, you and the older kids were gathered at the treeline. It was time for the hike and time for you to toughen up. Your breath hitched when you felt Ronin’s shoulder brush against yours, yup, that was definitely just anxiety.

Your group of 4 trailed behind you as you walked through the woods, the map to the camping ground folded out in front of you. In reality, the trail was carefully marked so getting lost would take a lot of stupidity. But you needed something to do with your hands instead of making sure that you still had your knife.

“Now if we do encounter a bear you shouldn’t panic, how we proceed will depend on if it has cubs with it or not”, V spoke as he walked with his group ahead of you, resting a hand on the clearly nervous kid’s shoulder. “But usually, they do not approach larger groups, you have nothing to fear”. His words made you glance over at Ronin, who was strolling with his hands resting behind his head.

For now, while the sun was still up and everyone was awake, you had nothing to fear.

The sky had faded into a warm deep yellow as the sun made its way down the horizon. The group has decided to take a short break before you’d arrive at the camping grounds. As you sipped from your water bottle, you felt a light tap on your shoulder and turned around to see Misaki standing there.

“It’s golden hour, prime photo-time, how about we take some pictures to remember this?” They suggested, pulling their phone out of their pocket. You agreed and offered to be the photographer, taking a few steps back on the trail to get everyone in frame. As you snapped a few photos, Misaki’s phone buzzed with a notification. Your eyes couldn’t help but skim over the message that popped up from a texting app you didn’t recognize.

“Nicely done with the chainsaw, I wired some extra money to your account, hope to work with you again soon”.

You chuckled to yourself at where your brain initially went. Misaki did mention having a full-time job outside of camp season. You supposed they…cut up trees for a living. Just lumber, nothing but boring woodwork. You gave them back their phone and did your best to smile as you noticed the sky getting darker, soon you’d have to face the harrowing, screechy music.

After dinner was finished, you all sat on logs around the campfire, roasting marshmallows in the warm summer night. You watched as the sugary surface burned, cracking into coal-like fragments.

Soon it would be bedtime and everyone would bundle up in their tents, sleeping soundly to the lullaby of grasshoppers. You stared into the flicking fire, catching a glimpse of Ronin seated on the other side. He looked down with a girl at the DS she had smuggled to the hike. He looked so harmless with his colorful bracelets, camp t-shirt and amused grin.

A voice inside of you was, somehow, sure that he was. At least to everyone here but you. The genuine content look in those obsidian eyes crackled away as they traveled to rest on you. The amusement was still there, but there was a challenge to his gaze, an urge to play this game with you.

The minutes ticked away on your watch as a symphony of closing tent zippers rang throughout the grounds. The last withering embers from the fire fought against the breeze as you dug into the dirt with the tip of your shoe. Ronin returned from checking that everyone was going to sleep and sat down next to you on the log.

“Thanks for keeping it light with the ghost stories” Angel said, smiling as Misaki shuffled the deck of cards they’d brought out. You weren’t in the mood for rummy, or any kind of game, you were utterly sick of playing. As you stood up, you announced that you were going for a walk, your gaze flickering down at Ronin. He shot you his signature devious smile and gave a cute little wave and you hid your scowl by turning the other direction.

You made your way through the trees, a small grassy cliff coming into view. Your hand slid into your pocket and pulled out your measly knife. After waiting, you began to wonder if he was even going to grace you with his presence. A rustle in the bushes made your heart begin to pound in your ears and you saw heavy black boots emerge from the foliage.

“What are you gonna do with that, darlin’? Carve our initials into a tree trunk?” Ronin laughed, his toothy grin wide on his face. “Be careful, summer romance is the perfect slasher bait”, he walked towards you. Despite almost every cell in your body screaming at you to run, you stood your ground until he had your back pressed up against the rough bark of a tree.

With his arms caging you in, he could probably hear the erratic thumping of your aorta. Maybe it was the sweetest of melodies to him. “So, what are you going to do, you still haven’t answered me~ that’s a little rude”, he purred, eyes shimmering with delight as your brows furrowed.

What were you going to do now? Your grip on the hilt of the knife tightened, he was close but you were armed. His wine-colored locks almost tickled your cheeks as he loomed over you, his breath was warm against your lips. There was enough room to move your arms, drive the blade into him.

Something stopped you…you didn’t want to stoop to his level. No, who were you even kidding? It wasn’t something cheesily noble like that. Your heartbeat was full of excitement, not the rush of terror or dread of anxiety. You had liked this game, had you always been sick in this way? Or did he see it deep within you and decided to violently claw it out. You weren’t sure how this would end, if there would even be a winner but you were going to give him your best.

“I know what you did”, you said, staring into his irises, teetering on the edge of falling into the void.

“What did I do this summer?” Ronin asked mockingly and you kind of wanted to punch him if he made another horror movie reference. Maybe you weren’t completely rotten yet.

You simply rolled your eyes and reached your other hand out to grab the collar of his shirt, pulling him in.

“You killed Mike, why’d you do it?” You asked, curiosity starting to gnaw at you, he seemed so well-acquainted with murder. Before Ronin could speak up, he was cut off by loud steps as three figures tore through the greenery.

“Ronin…” Angel said under her breath as her, V and Misaki stared at the scene before them. The flowing, heated exhilaration of the moment froze over as you looked back at them. Angel’s sky-blue eyes were wide and you felt a pang in your heart. Those two had seemed close, her world must have begun to crumble at learning what Ronin had done.

A deep, exhausted sigh sounded from beside her as V shook his head in…annoyance.

“We had an agreement, what if one of the children found his corpse?” V scoffed as your gaze flicked back to Angel, who had crossed her arms.

“I did kind of expect this, it’s you after all”, she said, a light smile tugging at the corners of her lips.

“You hid it, right? The kind of stuff you do can scar a kid for life”, Misaki said, their tone concerned. What did they mean by the kind of stuff he did? Ronin removed his palms from the tree and held up his hands in mock surrender.

“Aw come on, have some mercy, I had to completely go against my M.O!” He locked eyes with you “Burying a body is a lot less fun than twistin’ it into a pentagram”.

You realized you didn't get the luxury of dealing with a regular killer but the Devil’s Butcher. “Plus, you should have heard the way he talked to his girlfriend on the phone, he had it comin’”, Ronin explained.

One by one, your other coworkers revealed themselves to be killers as well, making you the weird one here. The fear that was present at first had melted away, leaving only pure bewilderment. There was still something that hadn’t been resolved though and that weirdly didn’t make you as nervous as it should have.

“So what happens now?” you glanced behind you, catching a glimpse of the rocky patch under the edge of the cliff “It’s not a huge drop but with the right angle…”. Past you would probably throw you over the cliff themselves at your insane words.

“That won’t be necessary”, V spoke and Ronin chuckled, his voice laced with a sick enjoyment.

“Speak for yourself, keep talkin’”, he drawled, making you roll your eyes.

Maybe you were trustworthy or maybe it was sheer dumb luck, but you lived to see the bright sunrise the next morning. You knew they’d all be keeping a close eye on you to make sure you held up your end of the deal.

You’d make pretty friendship bracelets, go on scenic nature hikes, calm down screaming kids and sing corny campfire songs with your coworkers. Who were, for now, willing to dispose of you if you decided to rat them out.

As you packed up your sleeping bag you noticed that your knife was missing. Your eyes scanned over the camping ground before landing on one of the nearby trees. There it sat with the pointy tip stabbed into the wood. You walked up and saw the letters etched deep into the bark. There was no cliché arrowed heart surrounding the sharply written ‘R’ and your own first initial. Instead, Ronin had craved little triangle devil horns and a swirling tail around the letters.

This was going to be an interesting summer job.

#killer chat #killer chat vn #ronin beaufort #ronin x reader #killer chat ronin #ronin beaufort x reader #visual novel #dating sim

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dreamsofbroflovski · 6 months ago

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Leopold "Butters" Stotch x Reader - sweet escape

Also available on ao3!

Summary: When you and your darling boyfriend break up, Eric Cartman's inner cupid decides to make sure you two get back together... By fucking your way right out of that argument.

Warnings: Explicit Sexual Content (EVERYONE INVOLVED IS ABOVE THE AGE OF CONSENT), Explicit Language, Cisgender female Reader, Aphrodisiacs, Nipple Play, Nipple Orgasm, Penis In Vagina Sex, Bathroom Sex, Creampie

A/N: I've had this in my Docs for almost 2 months now, and never got to properly finish it. Then yesterday I went berserk and stayed until 4am writing and cleaning up the draft so I could have it up by today.

We have an utter drought of Butters x Reader smut in this fandom, so I hope I did our sweet guy justice.

Obligatory "English is not my first language, if anything sounds like total nonsense it probably is so please let me know" This is also my first fic after whole years without writing anything creative and my first smut work in general and IDK how to feel about it

It was your average Monday morning in Park County. People from all walks of life had frowns on their faces as they made their way to school or work, missing the protection of their warm blankets and the peacefulness of a deep sleep. In your high school, most of the students hung about in the hallways as they waited for classes to start, and the cliques standing around together provided some warmth for its members, both emotionally and physically.

At the end of one of the corridors, in one of the staircases, hung out a particular group of young men, lazing around and chatting about their weekend like everyone else. Some of them stood, leaning on the wall or the handrail, while others sat on the steps, basically creating a barricade against anyone who wanted to go up or down the stairs - not that many people tried, anyway; over the course of their high school days all the way to the current senior year, the South Park boys had kind of made that particular part of the stairs their hangout spot, and the other students really just preferred to take any necessary detours than have to deal with the certified biggest assholes in the whole school.

As they began to engage in yet another heated debate over some useless topic, almost none of them saw a certain blonde man arrive. This was not abnormal - most people were never paying attention to Butters, unless they needed him for a favor. What was abnormal, however, was the expression he carried. Butters was a normally friendly and peaceful person, always with a smile on his face even in the most inhospitable of days; to see him like he was now, walking with heavy steps like a soldier, his face down and gaze fixed on his own feet, it didn’t take much from anyone to see that he was not doing well.

“Hey there, fellas.” He spoke in an unusually low voice, not looking up for even a second to acknowledge his peers. Almost all the other boys responded with a quiet Hey or a quick movement of the head, but he didn’t acknowledge either of those greetings, too engulfed in his own feelings.

“Oh, hey, Butters, there you are.” Cartman said, looking briefly at his direction but almost seeing past him, clearly not realizing what was amiss - Eric couldn’t care about someone else’s feelings to save his life. “Thank God you’re here, I have to talk to you about something later and it’s really important, if you didn’t show up it would’ve really fucked me over. You’re really gonna have to make up to me later for that. We’ll go over what you can do during lunch, so tell your bitch to - hey, where’s your bitch, anyway?”

“I DON’T KNOW, I DON’T CARE, AND IF ANY OF YOU DO THEN YOU CAN GO FUCK YOURSELVES!” was Butters’ immediate answer, in such a thundering angry tone that it made the whole group flinch in fear. This was the first moment he actually looked at his so-called friends that Monday, and his face was one of pure fury. “And if YOU-” he turned in his heels to face Cartman, pointing a finger at his face, “-think I’m going to be a part of whatever fucking evil deeds you have planned right now, then you better sit that fat ass of yours down, because I ain’t helping you anymore, got it?” He turned again to glare at the rest of the guys, who all had wide eyes. “Or any of you bitches either! I’m done with you jerks! DONE!”

“Dude, dude, calm down, it’s okay-” Kyle was the one to first try and appease the situation, seeing as everyone else was too afraid to make a movement. He tried to reach an arm out to Butters, but it was promptly slapped out of his reach by the latter.

“IT’S NOT FUCKING OKAY! Everyone hates you, y’all fucking hate each other, and then you sit around here and pretend to be best friends! Oh, but y’all won’t say anything because if you do y’all gon’ have to hang around with fucking Kip Drordy ‘till graduation! And I’ll tell you what else-”

He eventually became engulfed by his own rage, breathing rapidly as he looked around for anything else he could say his truth about.

“Easy there, buddy. Look, I haven’t had breakfast yet, how about you and I go pick up a snack in one of the vending machines?” Kenny tapped on Butters’ shoulder, gesturing in the direction of the canteen.

“I don’t want no goddamn snack!” Butters yelled right in Kenny’s ear, but the latter didn’t even acknowledge the rudeness, being used to worse back at his house.

“Yes, you do. Now let’s go.”

The whole staircase group watched in silence as Kenny dragged Butters far away, and then all faces turned to Cartman.

“Great job there, fatass.” Kyle snarled, rolling his eyes.

“Fuck you, Kyle! What the hell did I do now?” Cartman raised his voice, pointing a finger in Kyle’s face, then signaling with his other hand towards the corridor through which Butters had just left. “He’s the one that started acting like a chick on her period! That’s got nothing to do with me!”

“You provoked him, dude! You know he’s sensitive about that shit these days!”

“Butters is always sensitive, dude! What is his problem NOW?”

The other boys looked at each other, unsure if Cartman’s behavior was legitimate. “You really don’t know what you did?” Kyle asked, almost a surprised tone in his voice, his eyebrows arched.

“No! If I’m going to be blamed for shit, at least tell me what it is!” Eric huffed, tired of the back-and-forth.

Kyle took a deep breath. “Butters and (Y/N) broke up this weekend.”

The news had Cartman legitimately shocked. “Really? Why didn’t he tell me?”

“But he did. He told all of us.” Stan picked up his phone and turned the screen towards Cartman, with the messages app open, and started scrolling up quickly with his free hand, which made it impossible for the other to be even able to read anything. “It’s all over the group chat, dude.”

“Oh, right. I didn’t read that shit, I was rushing the battle pass for the new Fortnite season.” Cartman waved his hand in dismissal and Stan put his phone back in his pocket.

“Then you can’t complain about not being informed of stuff as soon as it happens.”

“Alright, alright, my bad. But man, hope they get back together.”

Eric wasn’t really feeling bad about causing Butters to snap or worried about your romance out of care for his friend. More so, like everything else in his life, the fatass wanted you to sort your issues because that would bring him personal benefit. He needed your lover for something in the coming days, a very important plan he had been cooking, and that breakup could very well ruin it all.

When you and Butters first got together, Cartman thought this was the death of his most useful pawn, maybe he’d even have to spy on your relationship to make sure you wouldn’t be too much of an inconvenience. To his surprise, the opposite turned out to be true - the already affable young man became even more docile, if that was even possible. He was also willing to do damn near anything if it meant your happiness, so the only thing Cartman ever had to do to get his help was make up some bullshit story about how that scheme was actually going to be great for your relationship and how you’d be so glad if Butters just assisted him with this one thing (despite said thing having nothing to do with you at all, and you normally not being aware of the stuff until it happened). Since the blonde was mad at you, that meant the usual strategies wouldn’t stick.

Whatever it was that was creating this rift between you two, it had to end fast.

“But why the hell did they break up, anyway?” Eric continued, hoping to gather more information that he could use to reverse the situation.

“You’d know if you read the group chat!”, three or four of the guys answered in unison.

“Hell, I don’t read the group chat either and even I know what happened”, said Craig. He wasn’t usually one to engage in his colleagues’ dumb fighting, so, since the most aloof person on Earth had an opinion on the subject, Cartman knew he’d been missing out.

“You don’t read the group chat?!” Tweek yelped, looking at Craig with a panicked expression on his face - even more panicked than the one he had at any given time. “ACK!- You gotta read it, babe! What if one of us gets injured, dies, and you never find out because you didn’t read the group chat? What if EVERYONE dies and our last wishes are all in the group chat? UGH!”

He then seemingly got really scared of this hypothetical situation he himself created, proceeding to hyperventilate and tremble on the spot.

“I don’t read them because you do, babe. Then you tell me everything. Your texts are the only ones I ever need to read.”

Craig patted Tweek’s hair a few times and kissed him on the forehead after speaking, which seemed to calm down the anxious male, who let out a contented sigh as his lungs seemed to finally allow him to breathe properly again. Everyone else around rolled their eyes at this, and Jimmy, out of the couple’s line of sight, stuck his tongue out and made a gesture pointing down his throat as if going to vomit.

“What do you guys do when the girls are mad at you, though?” Kyle asked, looking across the group, focusing on no one in particular - Kyle was the only one there who never managed to be in a long-term relationship (his surreal bad luck with women was extremely good content for jokes around those parts), and wouldn’t have an answer to that particular question.

“I just fuck mine ‘till she’s stupid”, Clyde answered immediately, with a hint of pride in his voice.

“Jesus, Clyde!” Tolkien gawped at the man next to him. Even if they were used to that type of vulgar speech, hearing it early in the morning on a Monday was a less than ideal setup. “Didn’t your mom teach you some manners or something?”

“As a matter of fact, no. She couldn’t.” Clyde looked sad for a moment. “But it’s real, you guys. Whenever Bebe starts bitching my ear off about some nonsense, I just take her somewhere private and give it to her good. By the time we’re done, she can’t even remember what it was she wanted, so it’s a win.”

“She probably just drops the issue because she knows you’re too stupid to hold any kind of deep conversation with”, stated Craig, earning a chuckle from most of the guys.

“Hey! It’s not like you’re any kind of master communicator either, Mr. Don’t-Read-The-Group-Chat!” Clyde retorted, hitting Craig - and Tweek, by association - right where it hurted.

By then, Cartman had tuned out the voices of all the other guys, the gears in his mind turning furiously. Clyde, however much of an idiot he could be, had unironically given him the solution to his most pressing problem.

༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩♡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚

Later on, at night, the only lights on in a particular suburban street were those in the kitchen of the Cartman household.

Eric had an old cookbook open in the counter in front of him, alongside an assortment of ingredients and kitchen utensils. The food laid out seemed like your average components for making cupcakes - sugar, eggs, flour, the works -, but, hidden in the middle of it all, camouflaging itself nicely with the vanilla extract in a way that one would really need to pay attention to realize, was a bottle containing an edible aphrodisiac concentrate - the wonders of same-day delivery allowed it to be dropped off at Cartman’s doorstep right that afternoon when he bought it in the morning.

After being done with all the other ingredients in the bowl, following the instructions in the book to a tee - Cartman could fool around with many things, but food was not one of them -, Eric grabbed the tray with the liners he had set and transferred the mixture to them. After that, he picked up that one particular bottle, turning his attention to two specific tins closest to him in the tray, lined with red cases. The bottle had instructions in the back of it - thorough information about its content, advice about the amount that was to be used and general warnings -, but the cook was having none of that, instead dumping the liquid in the two tins until he felt satisfied. In his mind, the more effect it made, the easier for him.

When that was done, he carefully put the tray into the oven and moved on to other parts of the recipe.

༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩♡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚

The next day, Eric Cartman was on a mission. Along with the usual backpack, he carried with him to school a small box that smelled faintly of vanilla. The cupcakes had turned out really dang nice, if he could say so himself, and now it was time to pacify a certain pair of lovebirds.

After going to the usual staircase, he was surprised to find that his target, the only one of those assholes he cared to see today, was not around - but it wasn’t without reason; ever since his outburst yesterday, most of the other guys had decided to leave Butters alone with his anger until the issue was resolved, so he got warned to take his sulking elsewhere because it was bringing everyone down. As soon as he found that out, Eric turned on his heels and continued through the hallways, leaving his other colleagues very confused.

Making his way to Butters’ locker, he found the blonde male unaccompanied, mumbling some nonsense as he picked up everything he needed for the upcoming classes.

“Butters! Hey, buddy.” Cartman approached him with a smile.

“Fuck off, Eric!” Butters slammed the door to his locker, startling everyone who dared to be around him.

“Woah, calm down dude, I just wanted to give you this.” Cartman opened the box in his hands and carefully picked one of the cupcakes that had the red liner, handing it to his infuriated friend. “Might make you feel a little better.”

“Oh- huh- Really? Thanks.” Butters seemed genuinely surprised that someone, no matter who, was being nice to him. He picked up the cupcake, taking a bite out of it right away and getting some of the whipped cream on the side of his mouth. “That’s awfully nice of ya. You’re a good person, ya know, Eric. UNLIKE SOMEONE I KNOW!” He said that last part too loud, facing the corridor, as if he expected you to be around so you could hear all about how much he hated you right now. Unfortunately, you were nowhere to be found - instead, he yelled that stuff right while a group of young freshman girls happened to be passing through, laughing about something. They jumped in fear, looking at him like he was a maniac, and quickened their steps to leave as soon as possible while whispering to each other.

“Yeah, yeah, Butters, I know, I’m amazing” Eric replied, absent-mindedly, setting his sights on the end of the corridor, planning his escape route. “Look, man, I gotta go, see you in class or whatever.” Not even saying a word more than the absolutely necessary, he left Butters’ side as well, this time looking for his next objective.

Luckily, he didn’t take too long to find it as well. Right as he turned the corner, you stood next to another set of lockers, next to Red and Wendy. As they talked eagerly about something, though, you kept to your silence, also dwelling on your fight with your ex-boyfriend. You just weren’t trying to make your anger everyone else’s problem was all, but the other girls knew better than to talk about it near you or ask you questions, lest a wrong word also have you snapping.

Cartman beelined to your group, and as you all saw him coming up, the happy chatter immediately turned into silence. “Hello, ladies”, he spoke, earning a raised eyebrow from you and a questionable stare from the two other girls. “Might I interest you in some cupcakes?”

Before anyone could answer, he opened the box in his hands again, carefully picking a cupcake and handing it to every member in your trio, making sure to give you the one with the red wrap. He had made sure to bring extra cupcakes just in case anyone else in the class might see him with them or ask about it, since just giving sweet treats to you and Butters and no one else would look extremely suspicious. The red liners were to separate the laced cupcakes from the others, so he wouldn’t give them to anyone else unknowingly, and among the colorful liners in the others, no one could see you and your ex getting the same color as nothing but a funny coincidence.

As he closed the box, though, you didn’t make a single movement, still staring at him with the baked good in your hands. “No need to thank me, you know. Aren’t you going to eat it?” He asked, tilting his head to the side slightly.

Your eyes narrowed at him. “You put your dick in this thing, didn’t you?” was the question that came out of your mouth. Red let out an “Ewwwww”.

“NO! Why would you think that?” He gasped, his eyes widening in surprise, like it was an absurd thing to even think about - even though it was definitely something he was capable of doing and everyone knew that. “Who do you think I am, some kind of psychopath?”

“Yes.” Your eyes went from him to the cupcake, turning it around in your hand, analyzing it for any obvious signs of tampering. “Farted on it? Put cum on the whipped cream? Is my mom dead on the filling?”

“No, no and NO! Christ, you do something once and all of a sudden it’s all people ever talk about.” He didn’t actually expect you to start asking so many questions - who questions free food? -, so he hadn’t taken the time to build up an actual excuse. “I just had too much batter and made a few extra to bring to class, can’t a guy just be nice anymore?”

You waited a little bit more to see if he’d say anything, if he’d give away any evil plans. Unable to figure out anything, you took the leap of faith, getting the cupcake near your mouth and slowly taking a bite of it. The taste that your tongue could pick up - plain vanilla, whipped cream, a little bit of chocolate from the sprinkles on top - was good, but nothing out of the ordinary. Well, you weren’t expecting Cartman to be some kind of superb baker, and there wasn’t anything that struck you as odd, so you continued eating. Seeing this, the girls around you followed suit with eating theirs, since if you couldn’t find anything wrong with it they probably wouldn’t either.

“See? Pretty good, isn’t it? Anyway, I’m gonna go and give the rest away, bye.” He left before you could interrogate him any further.

“What a weirdo”, stated Red. Before you could dwell on the subject more, Wendy warned both of you about the time, and your trio started making your way to class.

༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩♡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚

For the next couple of hours, Butters felt like he was about to die.

His whole body felt hot, to the point where he was building up a slight sweat. During this time of the year and up in the mountains, this concept felt absurd, so when he asked the classmates around him to see if anyone else felt the same way, he was met with confused stares and Kenny putting the back of his hand on Butters’ forehead to check his temperature. He was warm alright, but he could tell this wasn’t a fever because this particular warmth felt more intense in the lower part of his belly, irradiating through his body.

The worst part that came with it, though, was the hard-on. It had popped up about an hour into classes, throbbing like crazy, refusing to go down and urging him to take action. He thought about asking for the hall pass to go to the bathroom and masturbate, but decided against it - because that would mean getting up in front of the whole class and standing there where everyone could see him. At this point, after so long, it all started to feel really painful, so he resorted to just curling onto himself on the chair as best as he could, waiting for the bell to ring so he could leave without drawing too much attention.

All the way across the class, you weren’t faring too well, either - just way better at hiding it. Some strands of your hair were glued to your forehead from the sweat, and you fanned yourself with an old crumbled assignment you found in the bottom of your bag. Under your table where no one could see, you pressed your thighs against each other, rubbing them together as silently as possible to create even the tiniest bit of friction to relieve yourself. As much as you did, it wasn’t nearly enough.

During this whole ordeal, you and Butters would look across the room towards each other regularly - even though you were mad at each other, you were the only person he could think about at a time like this, and vice versa. Every once in a while, your gazes would cross, both with completely panicked stares. Oh what you’d give to know what he was thinking at those times. But then, either you or him would realize the other was staring, and you’d immediately turn to the blackboard and pretend you were staring at it the whole time.

The bell ringing to announce lunchtime couldn’t have come soon enough.

“Alright class, off to lunch, we’ll-” The teacher started her usual speech to send all of you off, but before she could finish, Butters got up from his desk and bolted out of the door in extreme hurry, the speed with which he left being so intense that it knocked his whole desk back as he left and all his belongings scattered to the ground. “- Oh, I guess someone’s really into Taco Tuesday.”

As everyone got up to leave for the canteen, you thought about making a quick detour to the bathroom, maybe you could sneak in a little DJing session in one of the stalls, if you kept your quiet, just enough to get yourself through the rest of the day. Before you could make your way there, however, your girl friends made a whole group around your desk, and you had yourself cornered. If you wanted to leave anywhere, they were absolutely going to follow, so you begrudgingly walked to lunch alongside them, still trying to keep your legs as close to each other as possible. You weren’t sure if you’d even survive the rest of the day at this rate.

You hoped that lunch time and the interactions that came with it could make you distracted unlike the quiet classroom, but you were deprived of that as well. No matter how much you tried to pay attention to the conversations the girls were having around you at the table, the heat in your lower abdomen was too strong to ignore, and your thoughts always went straight back to poundtown at any given chance. More than once you had hands waved and fingers snapped near your face because someone asked you a question and you didn’t realize it.

Also, having scanned around the room with your eyes more than a couple of times like a turret looking for a target, you couldn’t find Butters anywhere in the canteen. You wanted anything from him, even his angry looks at this point were enough to get you going - your mind got busy drawing up all those detailed scenarios where he pinned you to the table, choked you, slapped your ass, pulled your hair, all that while pounding into you violently and calling you filthy names that you never thought you’d hear from his mouth, but that made sense in your anger.

But he wasn’t there, and you had honestly started to worry. The way he left class earlier had you wondering, who was he hanging out with that made him leave in such a hurry? Was he with some other girl? You usually trusted Butters a lot, he worshipped the ground you walked on and never gave you any reason to doubt his loyalty, but now that you had broken up, God knows what kind of shenanigans he could be up to. You certainly didn’t want to imagine the worst; not only because of the implication of betrayal on his end and the idea that he could already be loving someone else so soon, but also because it would mean he was getting a bunch of action while you couldn’t even masturbate.

“Earth to (Y/N)!” You were once again thrown out of your train of thought by Wendy Testaburger, snapping her fingers close to your ear to draw your attention once more.

“Wait, what was it again?”, you answered, looking around with your eyes focused on the peers closest to you. All the other girls at the table were staring back, some with anger in their eyes, some with concern.

“Ugh, nevermind. I’ll text you later, since you’re too good to listen to us today.” She made a dismissing motion with her hand. “The bell’s about to ring. Let’s head back.”

As your whole group got up to leave, you looked around the considerably less crowded cafeteria one more time, hoping to catch your ex lingering around, maybe he just came late for lunch? But unfortunately, he was God knows where still. You were expecting to catch some sights of him in class again, but that was unideal - the setting there was one of silence and concentration, two things that you had no intention of keeping up with.

You didn’t have to wait until then to see him, though. As soon as your group opened the cafeteria doors, he was waiting right on the other side of it, just waiting for you to leave for the hall. Coming up from your side, he pulled on the sleeve of your blouse to draw your attention. “Canitalktoyouplease?” was the sentence that left his mouth, almost too quick and slurred for you to catch.

“Huh?”

You turned to face him and the sight was almost absurd. Butters was usually well kept, his parents weren’t going to let him get out of the house looking less than presentable, but right now he was a whole mess. His hair was all shagged up and he was panting like he had just ran a marathon. The hairs closest to his forehead were wet and some droplets of transparent liquid were around it - could be sweat, the same problem you had, or he might’ve thrown some water on his face to cool himself down (which was also a great idea). He also had his jacket tied to his waist, which was weird considering it wasn’t hot this time of the year and he had been wearing it earlier. Did he spend the whole lunch period running track?

“Can- Can I talk to you, please?” He repeated more slowly this time, gripping your arm tight and making you wince from pain. He wasn’t aware of his own strength right now. Seeing the look on your face, he quickly removed his hand from your arm, but stayed still waiting for your answer.

“She doesn’t wanna talk right now, asshole!” Before you could even say anything, Red yelled out, moving right next to you and locking her arm on yours, to show him that you weren’t alone. “And it’s almost time for class anyway. Fuck off.”

You loved Red McArthur, you really did. That was one of your best friends right there. You didn’t regret at all having told her everything about your fight with Butters, were extremely grateful for the support she had shown you throughout, and you’d surely be glad for her intervention in any other situation. However, she was the one that should be thankful right now - thankful that the knives in the school cafeteria were dull, otherwise you’d have picked up one and stabbed her on the spot. You and your ex were still in a rift, sure, but he was the person you wanted to talk to the most right now and she was denying you that. Even if unknowingly, she was currently being the ultimate cockblocker, or pussy-blocker?

You took a deep breath, something that the other girls probably took as an attempt to dial down your anger at Butters, but that was in reality so you wouldn’t yell at your best friend in front of everyone else. “It’s alright, Red. Go on without me, we won’t take long.” You spoke as calmly as you could, waving them away with your hand and taking your arm away from hers.

As soon as you did so, Butters took you by the wrist and started to power walk in a completely different direction from everyone else, and you had a hard time matching his footsteps while trying not to bump into the groups of students everywhere. You wondered where the hell he was even taking you in such a hurry. For a while, he also seemed confused - he looked towards every door as you went, as if searching for something himself -, but then he made a decision, taking you up two sets of stairs to the third floor of the school building, where he surprised you again by pulling you inside the handicapped restroom.

Unlike the other toilets in the school, the ones reserved for handicapped people were single-user, and since there weren’t many disabled students that were willing to go all the way to the third floor to pee, this one was actually always seen to be in great condition. It was quite spacious to make it easy to maneuver wheelchairs, and also away from many of the actual occupied classrooms. Whatever it was that Butters wanted to discuss with you, he clearly didn’t want anyone else listening.

While he turned to lock the door, you took a few small steps towards the other side of the restroom, standing in the middle of it. You crossed your arms and straightened your posture, trying to look as stiff and unsympathetic as possible. Maybe it was overkill, you had agreed to be here so that already sent the message that you were at least willing to listen, but you didn’t want him to think for a second that he still had your heart on a chokehold like he did.

He took a deep breath as he turned to face you, as if trying to collect his thoughts. “Look, I know you’re mad at me and I’m mad at you and you prolly don’t wanna see me none, but I have no one else to turn to! I need your help!” He blurted out, his arms in front of him like he was ready to push you back if you were to become aggressive.

You frowned. “YOU need MY help? With what?”

“I… I can’t say it, okay?” He was fighting with his thoughts now, knowing that he’d need to speak up, but couldn’t bring himself to. “It’s a heck of a thing and I can’t really explain it and I don’t even know if it can be explained-”

“Stop with the rambling!” You stomped your foot on the ground to alert him. “Either you tell me what this is about or I’m leaving!”

At this moment, he averted his eyes to the ground, avoiding your gaze as if that would conceal his feelings of absolute shame. His hands moved to his waist, untying his jacket and letting it fall to the floor, and the reason why he wasn’t wearing it immediately became clear - he had a noticeable tent in the front of his pants, which the sleeves of the jacket previously hung in front of, covering the view.

As soon as you saw, it took you every little bit of restraint you had not to immediately drop to your knees, free his dick of its confinements and take it in your mouth to suck him dry. You felt your saliva building up, ready to make it as sloppy as possible too. But it would mean a complete lack of self-respect on your part to give in without at least him properly asking for it (you could faintly hear the voice of Red in your head scolding you for that), and you also needed to negotiate your own release, so you just swallowed it all back and waited as he built up the courage to continue talking.

“I tried jacking off in the stalls, watching porn on my phone, heck, even meditating to make it go away… It’s not enough. Nothing is. I NEED YOU.” He grabbed both your wrists with his hands and stared deep into your eyes as he pleaded. “I’ll do anything you want if you help me. If you never wanna see me again, I’ll leave! Forever! Just please help me! I can’t stand this anymore!”

You were far from wanting him to leave forever, not when he begged like this, looking like a hungry lost puppy. The poor man was so overwhelmed by his own arousal that he couldn’t notice the fact that you had taken a few steps towards him to close the distance between you instead of widening it. “Anything?” You murmured, to which he nodded vigorously.

You wriggled your wrists out of his hold and took his hand in yours, guiding it towards your crotch. Your other hand quickly opened the buttons and zipper in your pants, and you pulled it down just a little, just barely halfway down your butt. The wetness between your legs had created a damp spot in your panties, and when you guided Butters’ hand to feel it, the mere brush of his hand over your extremely sensitive area was enough to make your breath hitch even through the fabric. He noticed it immediately, and you saw his eyes widen. “I believe we can help each other.”

He needed no more explanation, maybe due to fear that talking any longer would make you change your mind. So he quickly clashed his mouth onto yours, needy and desperate, wrapping both his arms around you with unusual strength - whatever it is that was driving him mad was also making him act differently than what you’re used to, but you were here for it. As you kissed him back, you felt his usually soft lips to be slightly raw - he had probably been biting them in his anxiety earlier. You didn’t have a second to dwell on it, though, because his tongue swiftly started to brush over yours, an invitation for a dance that you gladly accepted.

Still completely glued to your mouth, Butters started to take small steps, which made you walk backwards, all the way to the other side of the restroom. As your back touched the wall, you felt one of the horizontal metal grab rails under you. You shifted so more of your ass was on top of it, not completely seated (the bar was too narrow for it), but just giving you the extra support in case you needed it. The current position had you firm on your right foot, while the other hovered slightly above ground. Your legs being more open also allowed for Butters to get even closer with his hips, his erection so close to your pussy, separated only by the clothes you both wore.

In one swift motion, Butters hiked up both your blouse and your bra, not even caring about the back clasps, taking everything off and exposing your breasts to the slightly cold air of the restroom as well as to his hungry gaze. The latter wasn’t true for much long, though - he closed his eyes and dove immediately with his mouth to your left nipple, sucking on it and flicking the hardened bud with the tip of his tongue, while his right hand took care of the other breast, massaging it softly. Your nipples were already sensitive by nature, but right now they felt connected to all other nerves in your body, and the stimulation had you whimpering in pleasure.

Your lover started to alternate between one breast and the other with his mouth, giving both the same amount of love and attention - wherever his mouth wasn’t, one of his hands was sure to be, kneading the soft flesh and flicking your peaks slightly. The other hand would then be running around your chest, arms and belly, feeling your soft skin and making up for lost time.

On your end, one of your hands grabbed hard on the metal rail below you, even if that wouldn’t do you much to make you stable. The other ran through Butters’ hair, caressing it - a type of caring behavior that almost felt out of place considering the borderline sinful thoughts you had all day and the situation you found yourself in right now, but that was doing wonders for him, since it made him even more eager to keep loving on your tits.

You could also feel his hips rutting towards plain air near you, as he tried to satiate his throbbing dick even a little bit. Not wanting to deny him any part of this experience when he was treating you so right, you moved one of your legs closer to him, putting your knee between his legs and allowing him to grind on your thigh. He took the offer immediately and responded by growling against your breast and sending some more shivers through your body with the vibrations.

The new stimulus had Butters going wild. He was getting more feral with his treatment of your body - taking your nipples between his fingers, tugging at them and twisting slightly. He started to graze your bud with his teeth, which soon turned into full-on love bites all across your nipples and breasts, the red patches not looking so jarring now that your whole skin was so flushed, but they’d certainly be a nice keepsake later.

When you started to feel that familiar tension in your muscles, the pleasure in your nipples spreading like a flame under your skin, it came as a surprise. You hadn’t ever climaxed from just him working your nipples before - hell, was that even possible? -, and it had sneaked up on you, first feeling like if lightning was gentle, an electric tingle all over your body that sparked like fireworks. Then there was no denying the well-known wave of pleasure that hit you like a tsunami, crashing your whole world around you and making your knees buckle.

Sensing your loss of balance in front of him, Butters quickly let go of your breasts and wrapped his arms around your waist. You wouldn’t have fallen either way, catching yourself in the metal bar behind you with a firm grip, but the consideration was appreciated. As he looked at you with a worried expression and breathing through his mouth anxiously, you felt the walls of your pussy spasming again and more slick dripping in your panties.

“You okay?” His eyes ran through your body, looking for anything that might be wrong, and coming up short. You were absolutely perfect as always.

“More than.” You purred with a smile, giving him a brief kiss. When your mouths parted ways, he tilted his head closer to yours ever so slightly, almost as if chasing your lips with his. Savoring his yearning, you pucker up your lips and make a kissing sound, before tugging at his shirt. “You’re gonna kill me like this though. Just let me feel you already.”

It was his time to smile. “Okay, honey”, he hummed, fixing his posture - and you closed your eyes happily, not having noted how much you missed him calling you pet names until now. He locked mouths with you again and his hands drifted down between you two, pulling further down the hem of your jeans and tracing your slit through the soaked panties, earning from you a sharp moan.

His mouth left yours so he could focus on ridding you of the rest of your outfit, and you held down on the grab rail with your other hand as he lifted your legs – first one, then the other so you could keep stability - to remove your shoes, pants and undergarments completely. You would’ve helped him to make the job quicker, but he seemed to be enjoying the ride now that he had you back in his embrace. Once he had fully taken everything off, he planted a quick kiss on the inside of your lifted thigh, making you shudder.

Slowly and carefully letting go of your leg, Butters took another look at your full body as you stood there naked for him. He wanted to kiss every inch of you, show you as much of his love as possible, but there was also this overpowering lust. Not wanting to spend another second more not touching you, he made quick work of his own pants and boxers while you grabbed onto his shirt and pulled it over his head, throwing it somewhere and allowing his bare chest to touch yours. You were both drenched in sweat at this point, and your naked bodies basically glued together like that, but in the haze none of that mattered.

Butters lifted your left leg up again and held your thigh firmly against his hip with his right arm, while his other hand stroked his shaft slowly as he moved to position it against your entrance. You felt your cunt clench tight as the head of his cock breached your folds, and you were sure he could feel it too, as his breath hitched and his eyes fluttered when you tried to look at them. “Need me that bad, huh?”, he murmured, giving you a kiss on the cheek. “I need you too, honey. Can’t be without you no more.”

With that, he thrusted into you in one swift motion - your surreal wetness making it easy for him to bottom out several inches deep inside of you, the familiar sting you felt as he stretched you being eased by how aroused you already were. The both of you moaned almost in unison at this very welcomed sensation, and in a moment of pseudo-clarity you remembered that you couldn’t be loud like this, a realization that did not seem to grace Butters as he started to push out and back into you with more fully open-mouthed moans. You quickly put one of your hands in the back of his head and push it towards the crook of your neck, where he starts to place quick but strong suckles and bites, not caring for - actually downright wanting - the marks they’d leave.

“Shh, honey” You whispered with the softest of voices, not wanting him to get discouraged, but still needing to give him a reminder. “Can’t get loud in here or they’ll catch us. Just do this for me, okay?”

It was hard for you to heed your own warning, though - with each quick and hard slam of his hips, plus his assault on your neck, you wanted nothing more than to have him hear just how good he was doing. You settle for biting your own lip and keeping your moans in your mouth, which to him seemed to sound even hotter - as he sped up the pace of his thrusts with newfound energy, getting high on the sound of your muffled whimpers and the wet sound of his dick plunging inside your weeping cunt.

The force with which his hips struck your body had you sliding up and down against the wall, your tits bouncing with the movement. His hot breath on your neck made the fine hairs on your whole body stand up, and your back arched, which made him hit that sweet spot inside of you even more perfectly now. Needing to be closer, closer, you let your hands go from the grab rails where they had settled before and wrap your arms around Butters’ neck, relying on him like your last connection to the Earth now. You were glad he had enough strength to hold you with just the lower half of your body pinned to the cold bathroom tiles while still jackhammering into you.

As Butters raised his head from your neck to take a brief look at you through his half-lidded eyes, he used a lot of self-restraint to not cum on the spot. You were a whole mess: disheveled hair, face moist with sweat, a soft reddish tint spread through your whole body, but more prominent on your cheeks, nose, and breasts. You weren’t staring back at him, eyes tight shut as the feeling of his cock inside of you distracted you from using any of your other senses. He wanted to kiss your rosy puffy lips again, but wouldn’t risk disturbing the pretty noises that came out of your throat as you tried so hard to not let out the loud moans you wanted to. “Yeah, that’s it, baby... You’re so… good to me...” He laid his head back on the crook of your neck, but didn’t go back to biting - instead, he inhaled deeply, taking all of your scent in, your faint perfume that he loved mixed with your sweat and… a hint of vanilla? “Lemme make you… feel even better…”

His last sentence slurred into nonsense, but in the blur you barely registered it. You also didn’t even notice how he sneaked his left hand between your bodies, coating his thumb with the splattered juices around your cunt before moving it up and rubbing quick circles in your clit, increasing your pleasure in an almost overwhelming way. You felt a sharp sting in your lip and a metallic taste - in your efforts to not make any noise, you had bitten your lip so hard it broke skin. The pain, however, was quickly overshadowed by Butters’ ministrations, and you slapped one of your hands over your mouth to silence yourself, leaning with your back against the wall again.

It wasn’t like any past fuck you ever had. Everything was heightened; You heard every slap of his skin against yours and all the little sharp breaths both of you took as you tried to avoid being too loud in your pleasure, you could feel every single vein in his cock squeezing through your tight walls, and you saw whole galaxies even through your closed eyes.

As that coil inside of your belly was getting tighter and tighter, so were your walls against Butters’ cock - and you knew that had to be catching up to him, as he started to lose the pace on his thrusts, and the muscle in his arms and legs seemed to become even more tense. “‘m- I- can’t hold much longer like this, sweets!” It seemed almost impossible for him to get the words out, having to say them through quick breaths as he got close to his release himself. “You’re just… too good…”

Then there was no warning as he let out a loud growl and his hips hit your body with one final deep slam, and you felt his dick pulsating as he filled the deepest part of you with his hot seed. The thumb in his left hand, however, still flicked your clit viciously, and so it didn’t take much longer for you to come undone, your cunt gripping his throbbing dick as the pleasure washed over your body for a second time.

As both of you dissolved into each other’s bodies, you found it in yourself to take his face in your shaky hands and press his lips to yours once more. Unlike your previous kisses of today, though, this moment was much more kind and full of tenderness, feeling exactly like the ones you shared throughout your relationship with him. You both felt loved and cared for, and while that rough fuck session took care of the needs of your physical bodies, the kiss took care of your souls.

You only dared part your mouths this time when it became necessary to breathe, and both of you sported soft smiles after you did, tired, but happy. You started using one of your hands to brush back through your fingers the multiple small strands of hair glued to his forehead, while the other caressed his cheek. He leaned into your touch, resting his hands on your waist. His dick was softening, but he didn’t feel keen on pulling out just yet, relishing the closeness of your bodies like this.

“I love you, Leo.” You finally broke the ice after a couple of minutes like this, giving him a peck on the forehead, to draw his attention back to Earth.

“Geez, by now I sure hope so!” You couldn’t help but giggle at his ever present sincerity. “I love you too, (Y/N).”

As you smiled and took note of your actual environment for the first time in a while, an idea came to mind. “Wanna get away from here?” You already knew what his answer would be to this offer, but you wanted to make your intentions clear nonetheless. “We can find someplace else where we can make some real noise.”

༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩♡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚

You and Butters didn’t come back for the rest of classes, and nobody in school had an answer to where you were, either. All texts sent to you or him went unanswered for that day, and your friends had no idea what happened.

What they could certainly say they saw, though, was the pair of you arriving at school together the next morning with a pep in both your steps, chatting away and smiling as you held hands. Everyone was left speechless, and some even questioned if the last few days had even been real.

The only person who didn’t seem confused was Eric Cartman, his nonchalant behavior earning him plenty of questioning from the other dudes the following days, but he refused to admit to anything. And why would he, anyway? You and his friend were back together, happy as could be, the sun was up in the sky, everything was right. And, if it ever stopped being that way, he had a certain tiny bottle in the back of his wardrobe to sort things out again.

Dividers by @cafekitsune

#south park #south park fanfiction #south park smut #south park x reader #south park x y/n #south park fanfic #butters stotch #leopold “butters” stotch #leopold “butters” stotch x reader #leopold “butters” stotch x y/n #butters x reader #butters x y/n #butters x you #sp x reader #butters #south park butters #south park butters stotch

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prettygirl-gabi · 4 months ago

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Chapter 19: Stormy Nights

Rating: General Audiences

Warning: heavyyy angst, reader calls Paige insecure, I think that's all idk...

Paring: Paige Bueckers x !photographer fem reader

Fandom: Women's basketball

Summary: in this moment nothing's perfect...

Welcome to the chapter 19 of Through The Lens. I hope you all enjoy and there is more to come...stay tuned my loveies!! 🏀💕📸

I could hardly believe it when Coach called me into his office after practice last week. He handed me a folder with credentials for two major games: a Seattle Storm game and a Lakers game. Apparently, he’d sent some of my best work to sports media outlets, and they were impressed enough to invite me to cover these games. It was an incredible opportunity, one I couldn’t turn down.

Paige had been supportive at first, giving me one of her signature grins and pulling me into a hug when I told her. “That’s huge, babe,” she’d said, kissing my temple. But as the day of my flight to Seattle grew closer, I noticed her enthusiasm dimming.

Now, as I sat courtside at the Storm game, camera in hand, I tried not to think about the way Paige had barely kissed me goodbye that morning. This was my moment, and I needed to focus.

The game was electric. Watching Nika Mühl command the court was surreal—she was as fiery as ever, her passion and energy infectious. She caught my eye a few times, waving and grinning during warm-ups. After the game, the Storm secured a dominant win, and I wrapped up my work feeling accomplished.

Nika approached me as I was packing up my gear. “Yo, superstar photographer! Long time no see!”

I laughed, hugging her briefly. “You killed it out there. How’s life in Seattle?”

“Busy, but good. What about you? Still dealing with Coach and the circus back in Connecticut?”

“Barely,” I admitted. “I’m trying to branch out, and this was my first big opportunity, thanks to coach.”

Her eyes sparkled. “We need to celebrate. Come out for a drink with me and some of the team. It’s on me.”

I hesitated, knowing how Paige might feel about it, but Nika was insistent. “C’mon, it’s one drink. You deserve it.”

The bar was loud and filled with Storm fans celebrating the win. Nika and I talked about everything: her adjustment to the WNBA, funny memories from our UConn days, and how much we missed some of our mutual friends. Someone at the bar recognized Nika and started recording. I didn’t think much of it—Nika was used to the attention.

It wasn’t until the next morning that I realized how bad it looked. My phone was blowing up with notifications. Clips of me and Nika laughing and sitting close at the bar, and taking shots together were everywhere, with captions like "New WNBA power couple?" and "Storm fans ship Nika and mystery girl!"

My stomach sank. I texted Paige immediately, explaining that it wasn’t what it looked like. But she didn’t respond.

When I got back to Connecticut, Paige was waiting for me in my dorm. Her arms were crossed, her face unreadable.

“Hey,” I said softly, setting my bags down.

“Hey?” she repeated, her tone sharp. “That’s all you have to say after what’s been going around all week?”

I sighed. “Paige, it wasn’t like that. Nika and I were just catching up. It’s not my fault someone filmed it.”

Her jaw tightened. “Do you have any idea how bad this makes me look? People are acting like I’m some fool while you’re out there with my old teammate.”

“It’s not about you,” I snapped, frustration boiling over. “This was a work trip. I didn’t do anything wrong. I was with our friend not some random bitch, now be for real, P!”

“But you didn’t think about how it would feel for me, did you?” Paige shot back. “You didn’t think about what it would be like to see my girlfriend all over social media with someone else, laughing and looking cozy.”

I threw my hands up. “What was I supposed to do, Paige? Lock myself in my hotel room? Stop living my life because you might feel insecure?”

Her eyes flashed with hurt. “Insecure? Are you serious? I trust you, but this—it’s humiliating. And the worst part is you don’t even seem to care.”

I took a step back, trying to calm myself. “I do care. But I can’t control what other people think or post. You have to trust me, Paige.”

She looked at me for a long moment, her voice softening just slightly. “I do. But it feels like you’re slipping away. Like everything else is more important than us.”

Her words hit me like a punch to the gut. “That’s not true,” I said quietly. “You know how much you mean to me.”

“Do I?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

Before I could respond, my phone buzzed. It was Nika, texting to check if I’d made it back safely. Paige glanced at the screen, her lips pressing into a thin line.

“I can’t do this right now,” she said, grabbing her coat. “I need some air.”

She left before I could stop her.

Later that night, I called Nika to clear the air. She answered on the second ring.

“Hey, everything okay?” she asked, sounding genuinely concerned.

“Not really,” I admitted. “Paige and I had a huge fight because of that video. People are shipping us, and it’s causing problems.”

Nika sighed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think it would blow up like this.”

“It’s not your fault,” I said. “But it’s a mess now. She thinks I don’t care about her or our relationship.”

Nika was quiet for a moment. “You know, Paige loves hard. She always has. And she’s probably scared—scared of losing you, scared of what comes next after UConn.”

“She said she feels like I’m slipping away,” I admitted, my voice breaking.

“Then show her you’re not,” Nika said simply. “Remind her why you’re worth fighting for.”

Her words stayed with me long after we hung up. I didn’t know how to fix things with Paige, but I knew I couldn’t let this be the end.

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-Thank You For Reading!🩵🩶

-prettygirl-gabi🎀✨️

Tag list: @sayurireidotcom , @astroeliza , @paxaz535 , @0phantom0 ,.... (more to be added)

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fruitsywriting · 4 days ago

Note

Hello! Could you pls write something where the reader is struggling with addiction and is depressed about the situation. He goes to Mark when he’s sad about it and Mark doesn’t know and he ends up telling Mark what’s going on cause he feels like shit making him (mark) worry about him(reader). He and Mark have a heart to heart about it and Mark does something to cheer him up (they do something cute, like go on a walk and get food or smt fluffy idk). Thx sm

As someone who has severe depression and watched people struggle with different types of addiction, I feel like I was qualified enough to do this. Apologizes for how long this took I wanted to wait until I was done with my semester of college before answering asks.

Pairings: Mark Grayson x Male Reader

Fandom: Invincible

You don’t know when it started, time warped around in your memories to where it all became a big blur. Youll question the passage of time, how long has it truly been? The only thing that’ll stick out in memories is important events, like Mark’s Birthday.

That day stood out because while you were still struggling, it felt nice to have a time to just forget you even were. A nice distraction as you watched your boyfriend excitedly talk to you and his friends about how he loved the presents, and then how you all went out to do whatever he wanted to do. That’s when he pulled you all to the amusement park. You all warned Mark not to eat before getting on the ride but he said he went flying like that as Invincible all the time. Afterwards he was doubled over in a trashcan, not expecting all the loops and turns specifically, but also because he just ate too much. However, he still had a fun day and bounced back to normal after sitting down for just 15 minutes.

You smile tiredly at the memory before turning to your desk that had wrappers all over it- and you look at the keychain of Seance Dog that had the initials MG on the back, you and Mark getting matching ones with each other’s initials on it. Even if you weren’t entirely into the series, it made Mark happy- therefore made you happy. Then there’s the Photo Booth picture with you, Mark, Amber, William, Rick and Eve. Then the Photo Booth picture of just you and him.

You groan when you realize your phone is dead, and you scavenge among your room for the cord. There it is, right next to an empty pill bottle you never threw away. You let out a shaky sigh before plugging the cord into the wall and then into your phone. You wait for about a minute before the screen lights up and you see missed messages and calls. Shit.

[3 missed calls from Mark 💛🩵]

Mark 💛🩵: Hun? Did I do something wrong? You haven’t been answering me

Mark 💛🩵: Babe?

Mark 💛🩵: Can I come over tn? I had a rough day

Mark 💛🩵: ?

Mark 💛🩵: I’m sorry for whatever I did, I miss you. Is something going on? Please don’t shut me out

The messages make your gut coil and churn with guilt, it doesn’t feel good at all. He’s worried about you and yet you’re being a terrible boyfriend by not telling him, by being self-centered-

Then it hits you. He was like this with Amber before they broke up the first time. You were going to text but he deserves a call instead. You take a deep breath, rub your forming headache, and hit the call button.

It rings a few times before he answers, he voice sounding frantic, excited, worried, and relieved all at the same time.

“Babe- oh thank god. Oh my god I was so scared that something happened to you- or- or I did something wrong”

“No, no, you did nothing wrong. Sorry I didn’t answer, my phone was dead”

“It was dead? You used to never let it die, you were so concerned about its battery life at all times of the day” He lets out a sad chuckle.

“Yeah, I know. It’s so weird. Anyways- uh, are you okay? I saw your messages from last night”

“Uhm, I would say I’m okay but I could be better. Got a little beat up yesterday. It’s healed but it’s… not fun”

“I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you. Is there anything I can do to help you?”

“Can I come over?”

You hesitate. You look around your room and it’s a disaster. Laundry everywhere, trash everywhere, things out of place. It looks like someone threw everything into your room and called it a day. He hears the hesitation and sighs.

“Is that a no? Usually when you hesitate it’s a no”

Nonono, you don’t want him to get the wrong idea- to think you don’t love him or have time for him anymore. Before you can think you say, “No, it’s a yes. You can come over”

“Okay, okay, oh man, I can’t wait to see you. I’ll be dressed quick and be there in 5”

“Okay great, can’t wait to see you. Love you”

“Love you too, bye”

“Bye”

As soon as he hangs up you shovel the clothes from the floor into your hands and throw it into the bottom of the closet. When he says he will be there in five, he means it. Curse him and his speedy flying- but not really because you love that man whole heartedly. You grab a trash bag and just throw shit into it, hoping nothing important gets thrown in there. You’re making progress, but because it’s scattered all across your room you also feel like you’re making no progress at all. You just freeze and stare at the floor- almost as if you want it to just disappear. You can’t get yourself to continue to move- the sight alone makes you wanna start hyperventilating. It needs to be cleaned. You need to be clean. Oh god, what does the rest of the house look like? Before you know it you’re crumpling to the ground and sobbing into your arms. It feels life shattering, but you know with a little bit of drugs- it’ll just be a silly little problem that could be melted away. You sniffle, thinking about if you took the last pill or if you still have some more left.

Knock knock knock. At your window. You can hear it behind yourself- and you feel yourself start to cry again. God, now Mark- you’re perfect superhero boyfriend- knows you’re a fucking slob with an addiction.

Knock knock knock. Sounds a little more frantic this time. Time to face the music, face your greatest fear- and it was one you knew you couldn’t escape because you couldn’t get your life together. You slowly stand up, and open the window. You expected him to recoil in disgust at your appearance and the state of your room. But no- his soft brown eyes look concerned.

“Are you okay? I thought I heard you cryin-“

The question alone brought you to tears again. He looks a little startled but fully comes into the room from your window and pulls you into a hug. You wanna pull back- telling him to get away because you’re disgusting. But you just sob into his shoulder.

“Oh hun, what’s wrong?” He asks delicately with warmth underlying. You sniffle, trying not to hiccup over every word that stumbles out of your chapped lips.

“I’m sorry” Is the first thing you say, as it is the first thing that comes to mind. You feel like you need to apologize for everything, for even existing.

“Sorry for what?” He pulls back to try and look at your face, when you look down, he doesn’t try to force you to look at him. But he just wants to gauge your facial expressions from what he can see.

“I’m- I’m a mess. Me, my room, and- and” You can’t think of a way to explain your addiction to him, or your severe depression that just kept getting worse these past few months. He doesn’t cut you off, he waits patiently for you to finish.

“I’m… I’ve been taking pills.”

You expected him to gasp, to flinch even, anything that showed horror, disgust, maybe even him being upset. But no. He lightly rubbed your arms and nodded.

“For how long?”

“2 months.”

“Okay, I’m here. Do you wanna talk about it?”

His calm response almost made you cry again. It felt so normal- not like he was brushing the problem under the rug, but like he was humanizing what you went through. Your lip quivers and you don’t know how to respond. Yes, you wanna talk about it. But also no, because you don’t trust your own voice.

“We don’t have to talk about it right now. We can just lay together, sit together, watch Tv. Whatever you want, whatever you need, I will try to make possible”

You take a few deep breaths to steady yourself, “I think I wanna shower first, if that’s okay.”

“Of course. Do you want me to order food or make food in the meantime?”

You didn’t feel hungry but it wasn’t good to not eat so you end up agreeing. You grab some fresh clothes from your closet, which isn’t much, and then head into the shower.

✮⋆˙🔮˗ˏ🖇⋆⭒˚｡⋆🎧..✮⋆˙🔮˗ˏ🖇⋆⭒˚｡⋆🎧..✮⋆˙🔮˗

After the shower, you eat the food Mark cooked for you and explain to him what has been going on. How you fell into a deep depression again and then you started using. Then you explain, with your eyes watering and your voice threatening to break, that you were ashamed. That you didn’t want to tell him because you feel gross when you get to this point, and it feels like you can’t come back. Then you hiccup and sob that you’re sorry for being distant and making him worry.

He sits there and lets you finish, before pulling you into a hug. He kisses your temple softly and explains that he understands. He doesn’t understand on a personal level but he understands your thought process and thanks you for opening up to him now.

He makes you feel sane. It isn’t like he fixed you, but you feel less insecure as he helps you clean your room and make a plan for how to navigate this moving forward. He helps with resources, if you’re willing to accept that just yet, and then helps shop for new groceries as well.

He understands it takes time too, you don’t just magically get better. He’s there for you every step of the way. He’s been understanding to you the way you were for him. When he’s in the hospital because of a fight or is bruised up, you drop whatever you're doing and rush to be there. In a way, you two understand the other's struggles without being in the same position. Perhaps you understand each other in only the way a boyfriend would. He celebrates every day you go without using, every day you’re clean instead of focusing on the fact you’ve used at all. And you patch him up (really it’s just putting kids bandaids on his bruises while the two of you laugh at how silly it is) and tell him what he did was brave and that he’s saving lives. And maybe he even saved yours.

#invincible #mark grayson #writing #invincible fanfic #mark grayson invincible #mark grayson x reader #mark grayson x male reader #male reader #mark x reader #x reader #reader insert #invincible x reader #invincible x male reader

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maybethecoolestgirl · 2 months ago

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Vance Hopper dating headcannons !!

Disclaimer: these are all just simply my imagination and not all cannon!! (also this fandom is so dead guys pls comeback💔) vance x reader Warnings: None except for some cursing! Let me know if I missed any!!

• Before you started dating, Vance did not accept his feelings for you for a quite a while. He noticed how his breathing would get heavier when he was around you, and how his hands would starts sweating when you brushed past him, and that weird feeling he got in his stomach when you guys made eye contact, but he instead blamed it on some sort of illness and brushed it off

• Eventually his infatuation with you turned into resentment. How could some girl have so much power over him? He was Vance hopper for Gods sake, feared by everyone yet crumbling at the sight of a girl? Pathetic.

• It wasn’t until weeks of nagging from his friends that he decided to do something about his feelings

• Though, it took many attempts before he actually did something. For a while it was just him walking up to you at your locker (after being hyped up by his friends obvi) before swiftly walking away out of fear.

• Fortunately after quite a while of his failed attempts, you caught on and decided to make the first move since he was clearly having some trouble…

• When you started dating this boy is NOT romantic whatsoever. He never calls you babe or bae but instead dumbshit or dipshit (with affection ofc)

•His idea of a “date” is you watching him play pinball at the Grab ‘N Go and cheering him on

• Definitely plays some sort of instrument and teaches you how to play it (guitar or drums def)

• Listens to thrash & Speed metal

• Have you ever seen or heard those stories about people adopting dogs from bad homes and it takes them forever to get used to affection and to a good home? Yeah that’s Vance.

• Needs constant reassurance

• Takes a while for him to get used to being shown affection

• Not big on PDA but can be an absolute sweetheart behind closed doors

• He will always pretend to not enjoy the affection you show him in order to keep his tough guy facade on (🙄)

• Basically lives with you from how many times he spends the night at your house

• Gets mad anytime you take his clothes to wear but eventually lets you keep it after seeing how you look with it on

• Will push you away from him any time you try to cuddle with him just for him to end up hugging you anyway

• Shows his affection through (playful) bullying

• EXTREMELY protective over you. I’m talking literally beating kids to near death for just looking at you or making a lewd comment��

• Lets you Forces you to clean up his cuts after fights 🙏

YALL I GOT LAZY TOWARDS THE END MB😔

This entire thing was written in one school night ( literally writing this at 2:47am) so don’t mind how messy it is. ALSO THIS IS MY FIRST WORK ON HERE WHO CHEERED 😛 bye yall i have to sleep now💔 also now just realizing i didn’t add anything abt his luscious hair💔💔

#vance hopper #headcanon #the black phone #vance hopper x reader #headcannons #fanfic #fanfiction #the black phone x reader #finney blake #robin arellano #Brady hepner

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yendarvis · 10 months ago

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xedgin fic rec list

so because i binge read a ton of fics these last two months, i thought why not make a rec list if it can help people find out great fics.

i just wanted to say i came across so many good fics, like comparing to other fandoms i find the overall quality to be quite high. so what i'm trying to say is you guys are really talented and we're lucky to have you in this fandom. and thank you for sharing your work.

now the recs:

Post-Movie:

Three words everybody knows by violet_pencil

Speaking the words of an oath isn't what makes you a good paladin, and knowing how to tell lies is only part of what makes a great con man. Where do they find common ground? Well, turns out they both know how to commit to the bit.

Sunlight is a Kind of Burning by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels

Ed's excited to get his life back on track in the wake of saving Neverwinter. He's less excited at how a certain paladin keeps popping up everywhere he goes. Except for how he's starting to miss the guy when he's not around. Yeah, let's not think about that too hard.

a ballad from a reverie by forsworn

On a cold evening, the party stop to drink at a crowded tavern. Xenk tries to ignore the way his chest tightens when Edgin squeezes close to him. But that gets much harder when the tavern's bard starts singing a love song. About a paladin. And Edgin seems to recognise it…

tys hard to be a seinte in the cytie by indigostohelit

“The Material Planes are not realms of punishment,” said Xenk. “The gods no more deny us the warmth of physical pleasure than they would the warmth of the sun. They only warn us, through each, of the dangers that lie in excess.” “…Huh,” said Ed again, and, lacking further retort, grabbed up the new tankard and swigged deeply. Then he spat it across the bar. “This is water, though,” said Xenk peacefully. “You are going to have a hangover in the morning.”

Universal Glue by Korwwa

Edgin and Xenk get stuck in a glue trap. The close-quarters situation forces Edgin to decide if succumbing to the charms of certain overpowered paladin is more likely to ruin, or elevate, the plan of his life.

Polyphonic by Geese_In_Flight

Ed can’t stand Xenk. Xenk keeps showing up anyway. It’s not entirely clear how that became everyone else’s problem.

Muses lost and found anew by Mikhail

Edgin Darvis never considered himself to be a hero. Of course, he was full of dreams and ideals back when he was still young. He wanted to save the world. But the world, as it turned out, didn’t really want to be saved. Instead, it barged into Edgin’s life uninvited and made him a widower, a thief, and an escaped convict. As he was looking back at his life and naivete, he couldn’t feel but contempt and bitterness. That is until he crossed paths with Xenk Yendar, a paladin whose sword was only nearly as strong as his righteousness. Confronted with Xenk’s tragic past, the bard realized they were both touched by the same evil. Before he could dwell on some uncomfortable truths, however, Xenk disappeared from his life just as suddenly as he first appeared. When they meet for the second time, it’s clear the two of them have much more in common than they first thought. Well, it’s clear to everyone except for them. The question is, are they going to realize this before it’s too late?

in the absence of truth by floralprintshark

Five times Ed says that he hates Xenk and one time he doesn't.

Perception Check (Roll for Romance) by kaydeefalls

"I bet Xenk fucks like a metronome, too. You know." Holga makes a highly suggestive, repetitive gesture. "In, out. In, out. No variation. Same exact rhythm every time. Boring." Edgin stares at her, torn between horror and fascination. "You've really thought about this, huh?" (So has he. Unfortunately.)

give me two damn minutes (and I'll be fine) by PH03N1X_360

Xenk Yendar is a hero. It’s his job, his identity, his [life]. It comes as easily as breathing. Saving children, fighting hordes of undead, it’s always come naturally to him. As each new challenge arises, people look to him to protect them. The warmth of their gazes never fail to fill him with pride. No matter how many scars he acquires, how many nights the horrors of his past rouse him from sleep, or how many people he fails to save in the process, it is always worth the price. Yet sometimes, when the darkness around him feels too oppressive and tight bandages make his bones ache, he wonders how much more he can take before he cracks under the pressure. Or: Xenk sees the Beckoning Death spell from afar. Even upon realizing the party took care of it, it still fucks him over severely... not that he would show it. Edgin knows a mask when he sees one.

Falling For The First Time by Powderpuff

In retrospect, falling in love with Edgin was inevitable. There was no recourse for Xenk; no guild nor court to appeal to, and even Ilmater could not return his property to him, nor Ed himself; for you cannot return something you do not know you have.

O happy dagger! This is thy sheath by Kabbal (Aledane)

"Ed wants to bash his face in with his lute, just to shatter that perfect, flawless skin, see if there’s flesh and blood running under that pristine marble. He wants to flee to the end of the world, to never be reminded of the existence of a being who seems to never have failed at anything, ever. He also wants to crush his lips against his, cling to that steady neck and feel the weight of all that perfection over him, spearing him like it could make him holy‒ Hm. Strange thought to have. Let’s forget it ever existed."

Affection and Love by AkataLily

Edgin is affectionate towards Xenk. Not love, affectionate, because those are two very different things! Xenk is oblivious and uninterested, that is, until Edgin fucks up and the cat is suddenly out of the bag. Things get akward, then they get complicated, but eventually, we all have to admit what goes on in our hearts.

Winning Prizes for Rotten Judgment by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels

In which Ed admits he's in love with Xenk, woos Xenk, and sleeps with Xenk, all in completely the wrong order. To be fair, it's only half his fault.

keystone by weatheredlaw

key·stone noun | a central stone at the summit of an arch, locking the pieces together. or: edgin dies, but there's magic for that. holga and xenk make good on a thirty-five year old favor to bring him back from the other side.

So Deep As the Love I'm In by Geese_In_Flight

Holga takes a step forward and claps Ed on the shoulder sympathetically, which is a terrible sign. “Swept you right off your feet, did he?” she asks, with a grin. Five times Xenk courted Ed, and one time Ed decided to take matters into his own hands.

the weight of fingers pressing deep by forsworn

When Xenk slips his fingers into Edgin's mouth during sex, they're both surprised by how good it feels.

you'll find us in the meadowland by audenrain

He was standing at Xenk’s desk, tucked into the corner and lined by shelves stacked with holy texts. Not his most valuable, of course - he wouldn’t be so careless as to keep the most precious of his collection here - but any one of them would feed a hungry man for a few days, at least. And yet this man wasn’t hungry, and he was no ordinary thief. Xenk judged this not only by the strong slope of his shoulders and broad back and the fine weave of his coat but also by the fact that he had recently been awarded the highest honours the Lord of Neverwinter could bestow. No, Edgin could want for nothing; even he could not have spent his rewards so quickly. There was only one explanation. This was an affliction of the soul.

To Touch The Divine by New1Romantic

Xenk asks for Edgin's help to retrieve an evil artefact from a cult. The fact that the cult is definitely just a front for the elite of Waterdeep to have kinky sex is, presumably, just happenstance.

Freely given (Wanted) by sb_essebi

Ed can’t. He can’t anymore. Can’t take the fervour in Xenk’s words, the shine in his eyes, the way the light of the sunset plays across his skin. He’s just so beautiful at sunset, Xenk. He is. To the point of unfairness, to the point it makes Ed almost angry, makes him want to cry, to scream. Ed kisses him. Or: Ed steals a kiss. Xenk shows him why he needn't have.

Edgin Needs to Get Laid and Edgin Gets Laid by Isoltan

There was a pause. "And that's when you started the one night stands," Holga said, only a hint of a question in her voice. Xenk raised his tankard in her direction and took a long swig. "You have sexual desire?" Simon asked. Doric turned to him and exploded, "Jesus, do you ever think before you speak?" "Tell the truth, you thought he was celibate too. Edgin sure did!" Simon said, gesturing to Edgin. "Hey, leave me out of this," Edgin said. "Exactly!" Simon continued. "Tell me, out of the two of them, you'd have pegged Edgin as the celibate and XENK as the whore!" -----------‐ Very loose f*ck-or-die fic. Basically, Edgin's magic needs to improve and the group decides he needs to get laid. But he reveals he's demi and can only be intimate with people he trusts. This was meant to be a one-off but I got caught up with the group's banter.

this distance between us by forsworn

Xenk and Edgin have to share a bed. It’s not even a big bed. The perfect time for Xenk to have a nightmare…

Origin Point series by Neyiea

“It wasn’t a risk. I knew that if I jumped you would catch me.” Xenk’s pinched expression becomes thoughtful, then turns serious. “I see,” he intones solemnly. “I am honored to have earned your trust.”

close to the skin by forsworn

Edgin's going undercover; Xenk's determined to make him look respectable. But Edgin finds submitting to a flat-razor shaving at those steady hands to be far more intense than he expected.

Solitary Burdens by cupiscent

Edgin's wife died years ago, but he's only just now letting go. He can't talk about it with any of the others, but Xenk - aggravatingly - understands. Perhaps neither of them need to carry these burdens alone.

in for a silver by weatheredlaw

Edgin was, at the very least, two things: a great kisser, and a phenomenal liar. or: xenk gets hit by something weird in the jungle. edgin lends a hand.

Canon Divergence (happens during the movie):

We Are So (Not) Breaking Up by murdertrashbabyrat

Edgin isn’t mad because of the idea of a kind Thayan, he’s mad because it’s Xenk Yendar his lightly insufferable not-ex. They didn’t break up because they were never together thank you very much Holga, so Xenk is his…his something that isn’t his anymore. It’s fine he’s not dwelling on it he has to get his wife back and stop thinking about the man he’s been sharing a bed with for years. Denial is a hell of a drug OR they are exes when they meet up again in the movie

AUs:

A Cherry When It's Blooming by Geese_In_Flight

Lord Yendar, once a paladin of Ilmater, has been called back to Waterdeep in the aftermath of his father’s death. Upon his arrival, he discovers he must reckon with an untrustworthy executor, an estate in shambles, and a wholly unexpected stipulation in his father’s will. Edgin Darvis is trying to find the one big score that will let him build back a life that went off the rails years ago. When he hears the rumors that a young and inexperienced Lord Yendar has come back to town, he knows just what he has to do.

Romance in the time of LoveChat by cicia3

What's worse than being a loser writer reduced to releasing third-rate romance novels for Forge Publishing? Being an uninspired writer with three months' back rent to pay. Driven by desperation, Edgin, a single father who's also perhaps juuust a tad too much anchored in the past, signs up on the nation's largest dating site. The goal? To find a character unique enough to inspire him for his new novel. And then Xenk Yendar shows up.

#fic recs #xedgin #edgin/xenk #xedgin fic recs #my txt

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baileypie-writes · 1 year ago

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Hey pookie it's me and what about veneer x male reader where reader is just overworking and doesn't know when to stop working with readers job can you make him a drafter pwetty pwease🥺

(I'm sorry for all the veneer requests I'm getting destroyed by work and I'm starved of veneer comfort)

A/N ~ Sure pookie! I don’t mind the requests at all, so send as many as you’d like! I also don’t know much about being a drafter, so I’m sorry if anything’s inaccurate!🩷

~Time to Stop~

Veneer x Male!Overworking!Drafter!Reader

Fandom: Trolls 3: Band Together

Relationship: Romantic

Synopsis: You’ve been overworking yourself, and Veneer’s not having it.

Warnings: Reader overworking himself, Veneer lecturing Reader

“Just finish this drawing, and then you can rest.”

That’s what you’ve told yourself six times. So obviously, you haven’t gotten your rest yet. You don’t know why you have so much trouble stopping. You just feel the need to constantly be working. You’ve been working nonstop for almost three days, and your wrist was killing you. Not to mention, you’re absolutely exhausted. But you won’t stop.

~~~~

“Why won’t he pick up? Do you think he’s okay?” Veneer asked his sister. He’s tried calling you seven times already, and you haven’t answered. He was getting really worried, and starting to pace.

“Veneer, for like, the millionth time, I do not know! If you’re so concerned, just go visit him.” Velvet responded, just wanting her brother to leave her alone.

“You know what, I will!” His mood changed to a more happy one, excited to see you. He grabbed his car keys, and drove to your work.

~~~~

The moment Veneer arrived, he was frantically searching for you. When he finally found you, he called out your name, causing you to jump. He ran into your arms. “You’re okay!”

“Uh… yeah? Oh course I’m okay, why wouldn’t I be?” You asked, puzzled.

Veneer pulled away. “Because you haven’t answered any of my calls! I’ve tried calling you so many times!”

You were slightly shocked and confused, so you pulled your phone out of your bag. Seven missed calls. “Oh…. sorry. I guess I was so busy, I didn’t notice.”

Veneer scoffed, his lips forming into a pout. “Yeah. Of course you were busy. You’ve been busy for the past three days! I haven’t even seen your face until now! Why even are you so busy? Is it your boss? I can talk to them if they’re making you work too hard!”

“Oh, no, that’s okay! It’s not my boss. I guess one day I just… kept going and never stopped.”

Veneer didn’t quite understand what you meant. He glanced over at your desk, looking at the many papers, supplies and your cluttered computed screen.

“Why? You look so tired, so why haven’t you stopped?” He asked, genuinely confused.

“I don’t know. I just get like this sometimes. I start working, and I don’t let myself stop.” You sat on your chair, taking a much needed rest. You looked sleep deprived and malnourished, and Veneer did not like it.

“Babe, that not okay. You need to stop working.”

“I know… but I just want to finish this one-“

“No (name). It’s time to stop. Right now.” Veneer pulled you out of your chair, and grabbed your bag for you. You were going to protest some more, but he had this strict and determined look that made you cave.

“Fine.” Veneer smiled, and you both went to his car. You didn’t realize how tired you really were, until you fell asleep in the passenger’s seat.

Veneer promised himself that he’d never let you overwork yourself again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~baileypie-writes

#trolls 3 band together #trolls 3 #trolls 3 x reader #trolls 3 veneer #trolls veneer #veneer #veneer x reader #male reader

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tsbs-shipfessions · 5 months ago

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As a member of the DCA Fandom and TSAMS fan I NEED more people to make Canon (from the games) Sun and TSAMS Sun interact. Be it platonically or in this case, romantically. They could be enemies to lovers who make each other better in the end. Note, this rant is mainly about Canon Sun’s thoughts on TSAMS Sun, if anyone wants to add the inverse they are more then welcome.

Canon Sun (at least in the books) started out as an act for the theater before getting thrown into the daycare. He’s never been outside the Pizzaplex, and possibly hasn’t left the daycare. He can’t go on the internet, watch TV, or buy things. He seemingly doesn’t know the Glamrocks personality and only has the kids in the daycare for company. He’s fighting Moon for control over his own body. And then there’s TSAMS Sun who leaves the daycare every day to go to his house filled with the groceries he bought where he can relax and watch TV with his three other siblings, his nephew, his daughter, and his Moon, who’s in a his own body. And I think the biggest kicker for Canon Sun would be that TSAMS Sun was made to a daycare attendant. He didn’t have to learn the ropes by himself under the threat of getting decommissioning if he fucked up the job Fazbear didn’t prepare him for. He’s so good with the kids and almost always knows exactly what to do. He can control his temper around them and knows what punishments are needed if any are needed at all. I think Canon Sun would so incredibly jealous of TSAMS Sun’s life at first. I don’t know if there’s anything TSAMS Sun would be jealous about, on account of Canon Sun being perpetually stuck in a mashup of two of TSAMS Sun’s biggest traumas (sharing a body with Moon and fighting Eclipse for control), but Canon would probably be rude and/or passive aggressive as hell to him and he’d probably return that, or maybe he’d have some sympathy for him because of the whole “being stuck in my hell” thing.

But eventually, Canon sees that Tsams has his own shit going on. For one, when TSAMS Sun and Moon shared a body it was a nonstop war. I’m pretty sure they’ve confirmed in TSAMS that switching out with the lights was a compromise they made. While yes, Sun was naturally dominant and Moon had to fight to front, every time Moon as much as blinked, it would put Sun in agony. It was literally designed by that roach to be painful, and probably there so they would fight each other instead of him. Another thing, TSAMS Sun also had to fight for control. And yes he did have his Moon to help him, but not only his Moon was also the one to put him in that situation in the first place, he also threatened to kill him if he didn’t control it. And that’s not even counting the fact that TSAMS Moon was actually abuse towards his Sun for the longest time. Canon would absolutely fucking despite TSAMS Moon btw. And TSAMS’s daughter? A ghost child, who was killed by someone in Sun’s body, when Sun didn’t even know someone else was there. (And if Canon Moon has anything to do with those missing kids, Canon Sun might have empathy instead of sympathy.) And that’s not even touching the multiple people who’ve tried to kill Sun for whatever reason or family drama. Basically Canon Sun would be jealous of TSAMS until he realized he has his own shit going on.

Ok onto the romance part. Starting with the jealousy phase. “I want to be you but I also want to kiss you” is a fun and messy trope. He slowly begins to idolize TSAMS because he began to mistake a better life for being a better person. And during this whole thing TSAMS Sun is either thinking, “what’s his problem?” but still finds himself drawn to Canon or “I guess I’d be like that if I was stuck with an Eclipse-Moon” and wants to help. But as Canon Sun starts to cool down and lose his jealousy he starts idolizing TSAMS even more. Meanwhile TSAMS starts to idolize Canon, wishing he could be more assertive and that he could stand up for himself. That he could be that goofy in the face of torment, even if it was a mask. As Canon tries to make up TSAMS, they start getting closer. At some point during that they start to acknowledge their feelings. I’d imagine in some dramatic moment where one of them realizes the other idolizes them and they share what they wish they had that they see in each other, a confession accidentally slips through. When they’re together, Canon tries to help TSAMS be more assertive and TSAMS helps Canon calm down.

Also any DCA Fandom members I need you to release that TSAMS Sun is just a DCA Y/N with a fuckton of lore. If that word vomit didn’t get you that might.

ok bye

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azrielslightintheshadows · 1 year ago

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Hello! I'm back!

Could I request a cassian one this time? :0

The reader is his pregnant mate when Nesta comes along and starts taking up most of Cassian's time for training. When reader tries to talk to him about it he doesn't get it and it's only thinking of the orders rhysand gave him. Reader cries and yells at him before storming off. Maybe she goes to amren's and refuses to talk to him for a week? You can decide how it ends!

I've been living for your angst so much! Your writing is amazing so thank you for sharing with the fandom it means a lot! I hope your computer troubles get sorted soon, but thank you for continuing dispite it! (You're doing amazing sweetie :-D)

-🌿

My girls.

Cassian x f!Reader

Masterlist.

Warnings; angst, swearing.

Hello leaf annon!!! I missed you! Hope you enjoy this too! I wasn't sure if you wanted Cassian to know about the pregnancy so I'm so sorry if this isn't what you wanted, feel free to request a new one where he doesn't know!

Cassian always wanted to become a father, he had discussed about it with you multiple times since the first month you two met, so after 15 years of trying it finally happened and you couldn’t be more ecstatic. Cassian almost fainted when you told him, he yearned for it so much that he actually couldn’t believe it, then fear took over and he became so overprotective and unbearable that you sometimes wanted to move out of the house of wind. But you quickly realized that you actually loved this side of him, and unfortunately you only came to that conclusion when he stopped showing any interest. When the two Archeron sisters were thrown into the Cauldron everything changed, at first everyone was trying to find a way to get Feyre back from the spring court, then they had to find a way to help the other two sisters adjust to the new world they were forcibly made part of and lastly, they had to stop Nesta from doing stupid shit that compromised everyone’s lives and money.

You didn’t mind it at first and you even tried to help the young females as much as you could but when Rhysand ordered Cassian to keep an eye on Nesta your heart broke. You didn’t know if it was the hormones of the pregnancy or the primal instincts of the mating bond that made you want to chew her head off. You were able to control yourself until now. Cassian kept spending most of his time with her, he would leave your bed before you woke up to train her, he would take her out for lunch after their training and then he would take her to Rhysand to find a way to control her powers. You would wait for him to have dinner together but most of the days he would follow Nesta around town making sure she didn't visit the taverns and fall back to her old habits. You had enough, your baby bump was getting bigger and bigger every day, you couldn’t do half of the things you used to, your clothes didn’t fit you and no one was there to help you. So, you decided to confront Cassian about everything.

You sat on your shared bed wearing one oversized shirt that belonged to Cassian and one pair of his grey sweatpants -the only clothes that fit- and pulled the bond harshly wanting to make a statement about how urgent it was. After a few minutes you heard the familiar beating sound of wings and your mate’s hurried footsteps, he burst into the room panting and with a worried expression.

“What happened? Are you okay? Is it the baby? Oh Cauldron… is there something wrong with the baby?” he was frantically scanning your body and then his wide eyes stayed on your round belly.

“The baby is fine…” you sighed feeling guilty for worrying him.

Cassian’s face became hard as stone as he stared at you.

“I’m not okay Cass” you confessed and lowered your gaze to the floor.

“Why?” “Because I feel neglected, you spend most of your time with Nesta you are never here…and I need you now more than ever.” You replied and pointed to your belly.

“Are you serious right now? You pulled me out of an important meeting just to tell me you’re feeling lonely?” He yelled.

Your bottom lip trembled, and you felt tears streaming down your face. Cassian saw your expression and for a split second his features softened but then the cold mask was back.

“I’ve been working my ass off to keep you and everyone safe for the past few months and this is the thanks I get. I’m drowning every day trying to handle all the duties Rhysand gave me and my own mate only cares about herself” His voice was getting louder with each word.

You couldn’t take it anymore, so you got up and with one swift move you hit your vanity, all your stuff scattering around.

“Fuck off, this is your baby too, if you can’t be a general and a father too then stay alone, I don’t want you near my child if you’re going to neglect it too.” You screamed and stormed off. Cassian froze, he had never seen you this angry, he stared at your broken things on the ground and replayed the things you said in his mind. You always wanted to talk things through and now that you yelled and stormed off, he didn’t know what to do. He thought about the past few months and his heart ached as he realized that he was never there for you, he missed most of your pregnancy because of some orders that Azriel could handle just fine if he asked him to. Guilt consumed him burning his whole body, his throat was closing, and he felt the panic... it came so strong that he almost dropped on his knees. His wings slumped and sobs started shaking his body.

“What did I do?” he whispered.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

After you stormed off, you found Rhysand in the dinning room and begged him to take you somewhere else, you didn’t want to face Cassian again, your pregnancy made you feel everything ten times stronger, and you were certain that if you saw his face, you would actually try to behead him. Rhysand could see how broken you were so without a word he winnowed you to your best friend’s – Amren’s apartment. You met Amren a few months after Cassian, the tiny ancient one as your mate called her, loved to terrorize him so you instantly clicked to Cassian’s horror and you both made his life more difficult than it should have been. He didn’t mind it though, he loved the sound of your laughter every time he fell for one of your pranks.

When you and Rhysand appeared in the middle of her apartment, and she saw your face she instantly jumped off her bed and engulfed you in a warm hug.

“What happened girl?” she asked and waved to Rhysand. She knew that you wouldn’t talk in front of the high lord. He nodded and disappeared.

You were sitting on her bed, explaining what happened and crying your heart out.

Amren listened carefully, a pissed look appearing on her face and low growls leaving her throat.

“Fucking idiot, I will strangle him with my bare hands.”

“No… please don’t say anything, I need some time to heal and then I will strangle him myself.” You smiled and amusement flashed in her eyes.

“What are you going to do?” she asked. “I would like to stay here if you don’t mind, at least until the baby is born.” You caressed your belly.

“Are you sure? I don’t mind having you here but wouldn’t you like Cassian to be there when you give birth?” she asked.

“No… at least for now.”

“Okay.” She said and shrugged.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Cassian was losing his mind, he kept begging Rhysand to let him come get you, the high lord though wouldn’t budge, he went through the warlord’s mind and when he found out what had happened rage filled his body and mind. He couldn’t believe how stupid his brother is. His heart ached for you, and he was internally accusing himself for everything, he regretted giving all these duties to Cassian, he couldn’t understand how he didn’t stop to consider how the pregnant female -full of hormones- would feel if her mate spent most of his time with another female. So, he decided to at least respect your wish to stay away and not let Cassian come get you, he felt bad for using his high lord’s voice on his brother, but he had to.

“Rhys, please.” Cassian pleaded for the hundredth time.

“No. You messed up and she needs time, we have to respect that” Rhysand scowled.

“She’s coming back though… right?” the warlord’s voice was barely above a whisper, he looked like a small child needing its parent’s reassurance.

Rhysand thought about that, he didn’t know for sure and for the first time since you left, he felt fear. His furrowed eyebrows and his silence didn’t go unnoticed by the general who let out a cry. Azriel’s eyes watered at the sight, and he stepped out of the shadows, placing his hand on his brother’s shoulder to console him. The shadowsinger glanced at Rhys who shook his head and flicked his fingers, a bottle of whiskey appearing on the table.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

It had been one week since you left, Amren had been so supportive, and you even found her reading a book about birth in case you needed help. You knew that Rhysand was frequently checking in by her unfocussed eyes. You were glad that Cassian didn’t come to get you and you made a mental note to thank Rhys for that. The baby had stopped kicking ever since the fight and it broke your heart, you realized that it used to kick only when it heard Cassian’s voice, and now… nothing.

You were on the verge of crying again when Rhys appeared in the middle of the room.

“Next time you appear here without informing me first you are done.” Amren growled. “Sorry…” Rhysand gave her his signature feline smile and turned to you. “Y/n… he is a mess, I have never seen him like that. You must come back”.

“When I was a mess he didn’t even notice, so believe me when I say that I don’t care, he deserves it.” You crossed your hands, resting them on your swollen belly.

Rhysand opened his mouth to speak but you cut him off with a gasp.

“Oh no” you said and crouched. “What’s wrong?” Rhys and Amren said at the same time and rushed to you.

“The baby is coming” you shouted, and they helped you to the bed. “I’m going to get Madja” Rhysand said and took a few steps back. “Cassian… I want Cassian” you cried out and he nodded.

Amren removed your pants and helped you get in a comfortable position, she brought pillows and warm towels. “Cassian” you screamed and grabbed her hand.

“I know… he is coming” she whispered and squeezed your hand. “Please I need him please” you cried and screamed his name again.

Strong arms engulfed you and your mate’s familiar scent filled your nostrils.

“I’m here doll…” he whispered and pressed a kiss on your temple.

“Don’t leave” you cried.

“Never” he replied and hugged you harder.

Madja was between your legs and after a few pushes your baby girl made her way to this world crying and kicking.

“She’s beautiful” Cassian whispered as he stared down to the little bundle of blankets in his arms. She looked so tiny when he held her, and the sight warmed your heart. The moment Madja placed her in her daddy’s arms she stared at him and slowly closed her eyes feeling warm and safe.

“I love you” he said and looked at you “I love you both, I will never let you down again”.

“I know… we love you too” you replied, and he laid next to you putting your baby girl between the two of you.

He draped a protective wing above you, creating a cocoon and whispered.

“My girls”

Requests are open but delayed!

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 1 year ago

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🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈

(This is a resubmission. I sent my original ask I think back in November and I haven’t been able to find it so I reread your FAQ real quick and deduced Tumblr must have eaten it or I won’t find it)(sorry if it has been posted and I missed it)

AITA for kind of leading on my friend who is now my boyfriend back when he thought he was my girlfriend?

(also this isn’t a fandom at all if it got mistaken for that, this is my life somehow)

I dont remember the fake names I used so let’s go with TJ for technically partner, and El and Leo for my sister and her boyfriend.

The long and short of it is, I’m a gay man. Always have been and probably always will be. TJ, Leo and El and I are all pretty good friends even before this.

What basically happened was I had bought tickets to see a movie with a guy I liked, who cancelled on me last minute. It was a movie TJ (at the time identifying as female and had not realized he was a trans man) really wanted to see, so I brought TJ. On what I assumed was a friendship thing.

That’s kind of where it started. From there, there were several events that this guy I liked kept cancelling on me, and as total coincidence I swear, were things TJ liked doing. Movie, zoo, Italian restaurant one time, etc.

(Honestly it got to a point that it was obvious the other guy and I weren’t going to work, so there weren’t any hard feelings there)

This went on for a few months before Leo mentioned how cute we were together. I wasn’t sure what he meant and he and El admitted that they thought that TJ and I were dating, that I was actually bi and had decided to go out with TJ. (Who just for the record is Leo’s brother so he saw how happy TJ apparently was lately)

Anyway all that freaked me out and I didn’t realize that TJ and the others thought I liked TJ like that. I mean at the time I thought we were just really good friends, and it’s not like there’s anything about TJ at the time that would have made him a bad girlfriend, just that I wasn’t interested in girls.

Until TJ came out to me as trans. I hadn’t known whether to tell TJ the truth or not, and then when he came out to me I realized how much he trusted me and I couldn’t. Hurt him like that.

But now he’s like, literally the hottest guy ever and I’m honestly really glad I stuck it out because now we’re definitely dating and I’m the luckiest guy ever.

But I still wonder if I was the asshole for never being honest, and if I still am for still not telling him the truth. Like, if I WAS honest, maybe I wouldn’t be dating him now. Idk.

Am I an asshole?

(ps: @throw-it-out-boys is my throwaway sideblog for this, so I’m tagging it so I’ll get a ping if this one is posted. In theory)

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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companionjones · 2 years ago

Text

Your Thoughts

Pairing: Edward Cullen x Reader

Fandom: Twilight

Warnings: Anxiety, self-hatred, one curse word

*******

He first heard them off in the distance. Then, they got louder, and louder, and louder. He finally realized who all the thoughts were coming from as you entered the room.

Sadly, you immediately walked right in front of a fan. Edward had to physically hold himself back from attacking you as soon as he could smell you. Your blood was like his own personal brand of heroine.

Aaannd Edward had to spend an entire class with you sitting next to him. He thought that after hundreds of years he was finally going to snap and lose everything.

What made things worse, was that he could read your mind. All you could think was that you badly reeked and everyone could smell you. Your thoughts only got worse from there.

By the end of the class, Edward needed to get out of there, but he couldn’t without telling you, “It’s not your fault,” before leaving.

Edward tried to get out of Biology. When he couldn’t, he was gone for about a week, trying to get his shit together.

Although you were no longer around him, Edward couldn’t get your thoughts out of his head. He felt horrible that he made you feel like that. Changing your thoughts was the only reason he went back to school.

When Biology rolled around, Edward headed for the seats in which you and he had been sitting, only to find that you could not have been sitting farther from them.

Along with your overwhelming scent, Edward heard all of your thoughts again, and they were just as dark and lonely as before. Edward fought past his vampire instincts and sat next you you again. He offered a light smile in your direction.

Your thoughts responded accordingly. If Edward had to put one word to them, it would’ve been confusion.

He tried to levee your thoughts with conversation. “Hello.” He cursed himself for sounding so rehearsed. “I’m sorry for not introducing myself last week...I’m Edward Cullen.”

“I’m Y/n L/n,” you introduced.

You were scared of him, that much was obvious from your thoughts. But you weren’t scared of Edward in the way he expected. You were scared of him like you were scared of everyone, and you wondered why he, why anyone, would talk to you.

Edward hoped those thoughts would leave you as he talked to you longer.

“Do you like the weather here?” He decided that was a normal enough question to ask.

Perhaps it was too normal of a question, because you thought it a bit odd that he had asked. You replied anyway, “Yeah, I do. It has been raining a lot, though. I miss the sun.” You hoped you hadn’t talked for too long.

Edward wished you hadn’t thought that. He couldn’t remember ever reading a mind that had as much anxiety as yours did. He wanted so badly to lighten up your mind that he found himself agreeing with you about the sun. It wasn’t untrue. Edward did miss the sun, just maybe a little less now because seeing it would mean he wouldn’t be able to see inside your mind for the day.

You and Edward talked for the rest of the class. He asked you many questions: How long you had been in town, what was the farthest you’d been from home, etc. He just couldn’t get enough of you or your mind. He had also succeeded in getting your mind to stop thinking such terrible things about yourself. Well, he did, at least until the bell rung.

Thoughts started flooding your head about how you didn’t want him to go because this was the best interaction you could remember having.

Who was Edward to deprive you of that?

He knew he shouldn’t have, but he kept talking to you. When the bell rang and you both had to go to your next class, Edward exchanged phone numbers with you so you could text during class. The two of you did so for the rest of the day.

“You should really let me drive you home today. It’s still raining.” Edward texted after the final bell.

You texted back, “I couldn’t ask you to do that.”

“You’re not asking, I’m offering. Let me drive you home,” he said as he approached you from behind.

Edward had just made you smile for the first time. He felt his long-dead heart flutter. Edward also felt the eyes of his siblings on him. He knew they had heard what he had just said because everyone’s thoughts were heavily cautioning him to just leave you.

Everyone’s thoughts except Alice’s. “Just go. It’ll be fun.”

Maybe it was because she was thinking very clearly, or maybe it was because Edward wanted to hear that the most, but either way, Alice’s thoughts came through louder than the rest of his siblings. It was what convinced him to get into his car with you.

And so, Edward drove you home that day. He also drove you to and from school the next day, and the next day, and every day for the rest of that week.

When Friday rolled around, you got into Edward’s car with questions rolling around inside your head.

“Why are you being so nice to me, Edward?”

He shrugged. “Because I think you’re kind, and amusing, and beautiful--”

A few things.

One, surprisingly, Edward didn’t often think of the words coming out of his own mouth because he was often so occupied by other people’s thoughts inside his head. That was why he had admitted that he thought you were beautiful.

Two, you had been thinking that question so loud and so repetitively that Edward didn’t hear any of your other thoughts as you got into his car.

Three, you thought of something else so quickly before acting that Edward didn’t have time to react accordingly.

But Edward has super speed. Shouldn’t he be able to react fast no matter what? Well, not with what you had in store for him. With what you thought, Edward needed at least a second to think before reacting.

You had kissed Edward.

Yes, he needed that one second to process what was happening. Edward also needed another second to get his body to react.

He pulled away from you and got out of the car. Edward tried his best to get your scent out of his system.

You got out of the car too. “I am so, so sorry. I think--I guess I misread the messages and assumed--I’m so sorry.” You started walking in the school’s direction.

Your thoughts were a mess. Never had Edward heard as much self-hatred that wasn’t aimed at himself.

He used his vampire speed to catch up to you before you turned around. “Y/n.”

When you faced him, you briefly wondered how he had gotten to you so fast. But, just as you had done with Edward, he didn’t give you time to think.

He placed both hands on either side of your face (avoiding your pulse) and leaned toward you.

Truthfully, Edward was leaning in a little slow in fear of his blood lust, but then he heard your thoughts.

“He’s going to kiss me! Yes!”

That made Edward fully smile before he pressed his lips to yours.

The kiss lasted about seven seconds.

When you separated, you commented, “This is insane.”

“Sweetheart,” he smiled, “You have no idea.”

*******

Author’s Note: Thank you so much for reading! Fill up that heart and reblog if you liked it. I would also really appreciate a comment, if you have the time, if you would like to read more, check out my masterlist over on my page. Have a nice day, night, or whatever time it is for you! <3 <3 <3

#edward cullen #edward cullen x reader #twilight #twilight x reader #robert pattinson #companion jones #your thoughts

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thegayhimbo · 4 months ago

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Stranger Things (1x03): “Holly Jolly” Review

I remember viewing this show for the first time on New Years Day in 2017. I managed to binge the whole season, but it was rough to get through. I was dealing with an ugly combination of anxiety and depression at the time (I still have those symptoms, but I have a better hold on them than I did 8 years ago), and even though this was a show set in the 80s (and I’m a big fan of 80s related media and aesthetics) I was ambivalent about whether or not I would like Stranger Things. By nature, I’m pretty reluctant to get into new shows, and it’s only been in the last few years I’ve started to overcome that. There were certain aspects in Stranger Things that set off my anxiety (particularly in regards to topics like bullying and abuse), and while I pushed through those issues at the time, it resulted in me only viewing that season once. Same thing happened for season 2. It wouldn’t be until season 4 came out in 2022 that I committed to doing a full rewatch of the entire show before the premiere.

I’m grateful I did at the time, and I’m glad I’m doing this again before season 5 drops. One of the nice things about rewatches is it helps you pick up aspects you missed the first time while also allowing you to reevaluate the show with a new perspective, especially with the knowledge of how later seasons will turn out. Having new life experiences as the years go by is also useful in allowing for a change in perception regarding certain characters or storylines.

Take Steve’s character for instance: I HATED Steve the first time I saw this show. So much to the point that when Jonathan beat the crap out of him three episodes from now, I was cheering, and saw it as long overdue karma. My feelings towards Steve mellowed by the season 1 finale when he came through for Nancy and Jonathan, but if you were to ask me who my least favorite character was at the time, I would have said him. I was at least willing to give Steve a chance in season 2 (which thankfully paid off) compared to characters like Troy, James, Tommy, and Carol whom I just wanted to go away and stay gone.

Viewing the show again, especially for these reviews, has helped me see a lot more clearly in regards to Steve’s character in season 1. There’s a lot of subtext, both in Joe Keery’s performance, and with the way Steve is written, that not only helps foreshadow Steve’s eventual redemption, but also establishes that the character had redeeming qualities to begin with. Compared to characters like Billy and Angela, who were bullies that got a sadistic kick out of cruelly putting down others, Steve’s reasons for his behavior, while not excusable, at least have more nuance and understandable context than I realized at the time.

Same thing goes for the whole show, especially with the release of season 4: I remember so many fans after season 3 (especially on Reddit and Tumblr) who turned negative towards the show, saying it should have ended at season 1, that the Duffer Brothers were just spinning their wheels and didn’t have a coherent story plan, and so on. It was hard NOT to get sucked into that mentality (Fandoms sadly bring out the worst in people). With the release of season 4, and the mytharc questions that are finally answered, a lot of those fan criticisms not only feel outdated, but just dead wrong. There is a clear plan for where the Duffer Brothers intended to take the story, and based on how season 4 ended, there is an endgame being built up to that I'm excited to see play out. I mentioned this to @skellybonesandtrees in my last review, but part of the reason for doing these reviews is untangling myself from past fandom perceptions, and looking at the show through my own perspective with my own opinions and theories.

Part 1: Barbara

Poor Barb. She really got the raw end of the stick this season. First, she goes to a party she had no interest in attending only because Nancy asked her to be there. Then she gets a cut on her thumb from being pressured into shotgunning a beer can. Then she’s left behind by Nancy for sex with Steve. Then she gets dragged into the Upside Down where she’s subjected to a gruesome and lonely death. It’s not a fate I’d wish on anyone (except maybe Angela).

I know there are people who complain about intercutting scenes of characters having sex while others get gruesomely murdered, and how tasteless and sleazy it is. In this case though, it serves a purpose further down the line: This is the moment that would forever taint Nancy and Steve’s relationship going forward. The same time Steve and Nancy officially consummate is when Barb dies alone, and it’s something that’s going to haunt Nancy for the rest of the series. Nancy already felt guilty about telling Barbara to go home beforehand, but it was easy to reassure herself at the time that she would see Barbara again at school and that she could explain to her that things turned out okay. Then Barbara doesn’t show up, and we see Nancy’s guilt turn to worry as she’s left imagining the worst: Did Barb run away (as Powell and Callahan snidely infer to Nancy in the next episode)? Was she kidnapped? Did she get attacked? Was the creature behind Steve’s house that Nancy sees later behind it? All of which leads her to telling her mom and Barb’s parents that she thinks something happened. Which it did. Even when Steve and Nancy later get back together, she’s still left wondering if she could have prevented Barb’s death by simply going with her, and that grief and guilt impacted her ability to be truly invested in any relationship with Steve. Four seasons later, she’s still feeling those emotions, and it’s something Vecna is all too eager to exploit:

With the revelation of Vecna and his connection to the hive mind, as well as what he specifically tells Nancy in “The Massacre at Hawkins Lab,” there isn’t any question that Vecna is the one who killed Barbara. What I’m curious about is whether he only acted through the Demogorgon he was controlling at the time, or if he was physically present in the pool with Barbara and did the deed himself. It’s a little murky since Barbara’s death doesn’t fit Vecna’s usual M.O. (i.e. limbs snapped and twisted, spine broken, eyes gouged out, etc), but that could easily be explained by wanting Barbara’s body to manufacture larvae that would eventually grow into future Demogorgons.

I talked about this in my review of The Other Side, but this is a big reason why I don’t subscribe to the theory that Vecna and the Mind Flayer only wanted Will to reproduce these creatures. They had plenty of other victims like Barbara (including the two hunters who disappear two episodes from now) that they could have taken and used if that’s what they were aiming for. Whatever reason for why Vecna and The Mind Flayer have a fixation on Will, it goes beyond that.

And while we’re on the subject of Will surviving and Barabara dying………..let’s discuss fan reactions towards Barbara’s death, and how that led to the #JusticeForBarb activism:

I remember watching season 1 for the first time, hoping that Barbara had survived, and being disappointed when she hadn’t. I also remember the fan fixation on Barbara’s death, and how it lead to a huge debate about whether the show was misogynistic in its treatment of female characters, about Fridging, and about the way Barbara’s death was treated by characters in-universe. I wasn’t even in the fandom at the time (I wouldn’t actually interact with people on social media until 2019), and even I was aware of this phenomenon when it happened. This was a big enough deal that the Duffer Brothers went to great lengths to address this in season 2, which is why we got the storyline of Nancy trying to avenge Barbara’s death and exposing Hawkins Lab in the process.

I’m just going to state this point-blank: I do NOT believe, nor have I ever believed, that Stranger Things is misogynistic. Not in its presentation, and certainly not in its treatment of female characters. I believe the show has explored themes of misogyny (internal and external) in relation to characters like Nancy, El, Karen, Joyce, and Max, along with their respective arcs, but that isn’t the same thing as indulging in hatred or condescension towards women. Girls and Women on this show have fleshed-out personalities, they have motivations beyond simply being the “Sexy Lamp” love interest to the male characters, and they’ve been allowed to have vulnerabilities and character flaws that help them avoid falling into the “Strong Independent Woman” caricature that Hollywood promotes, or even the “Mary Sue” stereotype. By the standards of other TV shows and movies with female characters, Stranger Things looks pretty damn progressive.

This is a horror show, and characters are inevitably going to die, regardless of their gender. Two episodes ago, Benny got violently murdered just because he was in the same room with El. Two episodes from now, we’re going to learn about the two hunters (Dale and Henry) who also become victims of the Demogorgon. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg in regards to character deaths that are forthcoming.

Barbara’s death is tragic and sad (just like Benny’s), but for fans to imply it’s only because of misogyny is not just insulting and patronizing, it’s missing the forest for the trees: Vecna is established as a misanthropic genocidal monster who views all humans as one in the same, couldn’t care less about gender, race, sexual orientation, social class, etc, and wants humanity wiped off the face of the Earth. We don’t know the reasons yet for why he wanted Will alive, but it’s fair to say it wasn’t out of the pure goodness of his heart.

As for the accusations of Fridging…………if the Duffer Brothers had gone with the original Montauk script, where Barbara barely had any personality beyond her interest in Nancy’s crush on Steve, was just there to drive Nancy to the bonfire party, and was immediately killed off in the first episode with barely anyone noticing, then I could understand that accusation. However, that’s not the version of Barbara we got in the final product. We had several episodes to get to know her where we saw that, while she wanted to be supportive of Nancy, she wasn’t above voicing her concerns, had zero interest in kissing up to the popular crowd (and even expressed contempt for individuals like Tommy and Carol), and was one of the few people next to Nancy who was concerned for Jonathan over Will’s disappearance. Supplementary Materials like Rebel Robin (both the book and the podcast) added on to Barbara’s character, both in showing that she was progressive for a high school student in the 1980s (i.e. knowing about Mr. Hauser’s homosexuality, but keeping it a secret for his sake), and demonstrating how she was a genuinely kind person overall. I’m not surprised Nancy and Barbara were friends for as long as they were:

As for the complaints about how Barbara was forgotten by everyone except Nancy (not helped by that stupid SNL skit), that's really taking things out-of-context.

First off, at this point in the episode, Barbara was barely missing for 24 hours the same way Will had been missing for several days, and everyone had assumed she was somewhere else during that time. It wasn’t until Nancy came clean to her mom and Barbara’s parents that they were even aware about her disappearance.

Second, Brenner and Hawkins Lab weren’t aware at the time of Barbara’s disappearance when they were faking Will’s death with a dummy. When it was brought to their attention later on, they took care of it: Barbara’s car disappeared, and the story was put out that she ran away. I know the SNL skit tapped into fandom outrage at the time (“NO BODY FOR BARB! NO FUNERAL FOR BARB!”), but let’s think critically about this for a minute: What would have happened if the Lab faked a body for Barbara like they did for Will? How were they going to present it in a way that didn't create awkward questions? There’s already a kid who disappeared, and a man who was murdered that was staged to look like a suicide. Assuming they presented a dummy to look like Barbara's corpse, would anyone actually believe Barbara’s death was a random accident at that point? Or would people start to suspect there’s was a serial killer in the area, and that these death’s weren’t just a coincidence? Given Hopper has dealt with a serial killer in the past (as demonstrated in the prequel Darkness on the Edge of Town), I’m gonna wager he would have seen through this immediately and launched a full-scale investigation. He was already suspicious of Hawkins Lab and what they were hiding to begin with, and the last thing Brenner wanted was to draw attention to a situation he was desperately trying to contain.

Third, out of all the main characters on this show, Barbara had the closest relationship with Nancy. Therefore, it makes sense that Nancy is the one who’d be expressing the most concern for Barbara's whereabouts during this time. Jonathan and Steve barely knew her (at least that’s the impression from their brief interactions with each other), and it’s questionable if Mike, Lucas, or Dustin knew her beyond simply being Nancy’s best friend. It’s not a case of others not caring for Barbara’s fate; it’s that characters like Jonathan, Mike, Dustin, and Lucas didn’t know her as well as Nancy did, and they were fixated on finding Will because they had a closer relationship with him.

I know this is lengthy, and I will talk more about Barbara in future reviews, but I wanted to give my due diligence to her character because she deserves to be discussed. That being said, let’s move on to the other teenagers.

Part 2: Nancy, Jonathan, and Steve

Even before I saw this scene for the first time, I could already predict from the previous episode that Steve was going to find out about the photos and there would be an ugly confrontation with Jonathan. I remember feeling frustrated with Jonathan and wishing he'd destroyed the photos he took (or at very least, only develop the photos related to his investigation into Will’s disappearance while destroying the photos of the pool party). And to develop them at the school where someone (in this case, Nicole) was going to inevitably see them, and run to tell Steve, Tommy, and Carol. Ugh! 😖

I’ve already made my feelings clear in the previous review over what I thought about Jonathan taking the photos, but just in case it needs to be said again: This wasn’t a deal-breaker in terms of liking his character. Yes, it was creepy and wrong, but the show acknowledged it as such, Jonathan later apologized for it, and he hasn’t done anything like that since. I know there are fans who want to beat this dead horse, but I’m not interested in joining in. It’s fucking trite constantly going over past wrongdoings.

In regards to Steve’s behavior in this scene, my feelings are mixed.

On the one hand, I don’t begrudge Steve for being angry about this. If someone was taking photographs of me without my knowledge or consent, I would be furious enough to want to smash their camera or phone. I cannot begin to express how enraging I find it when I hear stories about videos circulating on TikTok of people who were unknowingly filmed without their knowledge or consent, and those videos are later posted without their permission so the user who filmed them can rake up their view count. Doubly so if the people in those videos are being humiliated. It’s creepy, exploitative, and gross on so many levels. It’s another reason why I have such a negative reaction to the Rink-O-Mania scene in season 4: It wasn’t just enough for Angela to have her face smashed in. I wanted El to take the video camera that Angela’s friends used to film El’s humiliation, and beat the shit out of them with it until it broke.

On top of that, it’s noteworthy that, unlike Tommy and Carol who are just there for shits and giggles, Steve looks genuinely pissed:

So I get Steve’s anger and why he came after Jonathan over this issue. I’m NOT saying it was okay how he handled it, but it’s a lot more complex beyond Steve-Antis claiming that Steve wanted an excuse to bully Jonathan. As I've discussed before, nothing in the show or supplementary materials has ever given the impression that Steve targeted Jonathan for the LULZ the same way Angela did with El. The most he had for Jonathan beforehand was indifference.

Where Steve loses me, however, is when Nancy shows up. Like I said, I can understand Steve smashing Jonathan’s camera in anger, but the way the camera-breaking happens here makes it look like Steve was showboating for the benefit of Nancy and his friends. Doubly so for Nancy since I’m sure he wanted to emphasize to her that he was being a protective boyfriend. However, that’s not how it came off to Nancy. If anything, Nancy looks upset that this is even taking place at all.

It does introduce a self-absorbed side to Steve that isn’t pleasant to watch, and is something that turns Nancy off from him (even if she doesn’t vocalize it). It doesn’t cancel out the genuine concern Steve has for her (which we see when Nancy later leaves to go look for Barb), but it’s not a good look either.

What is interesting though is seeing Steve’s reaction to the aftermath of having sex with Nancy. Not only did Steve NOT tell anyone about their affair, but he still wants a relationship with her. Compared to Montauk!Steve, who would have immediately dumped Nancy and bragged to everyone and their dog about the details of his sexual conquest, Steve's quick to reassure Nancy here about her anxieties. Even the scene where Steve points to a butterfly sticker on Nancy’s locker (a not-so-subtle metaphor for Nancy losing her virginity and “transforming” in the process) is depicted as a sweet moment.

There’s also Steve’s interactions with Tommy and Carol. I didn’t pick this up first time around since I pegged all three of them as one in the same in terms of personality, but rewatching season 1 again has helped me pick up subtext regarding how uncomfortable Steve is with Tommy and Carol’s mean-spirited jokes, as well as how they seem to use Steve. We got hints of that in the previous episode (like Steve’s reaction to Tommy and Carol banging in his parents room), but we see it further when Tommy is a dick to Nancy at lunch and Steve tells him to knock it off, or Steve's unimpressed reaction to the gross cracks Tommy and Carol make about Mr. Mundy. The way Joe Keery plays Steve in these scenes conveys that he's bothered by how Tommy and Carol act, but grits his teeth for the sake of their friendship. That is NOT something that will last down the line as they continue to show no respect for anyone else’s boundaries.

It never ceases to amaze me how many people on social media act the way Tommy and Carol do, and then they wonder why others get fed up with their behavior and cut them off. 😒

Finally, in regards to Nancy and Jonathan, I will talk more about their interactions as they develop in later episodes, but if there’s one good thing that came out of the camera incident (even if it was unintentional), it’s that Jonathan got the photo of Barbara with the Demogorgon in the background, and Nancy was quick enough to notice and pocket the pieces of the photo. Nancy was already conveying in her body language that she wasn’t happy about what Steve was doing with Jonathan, but considering she was already worried for Barbara during all of this, and then saw that photo, I can understand why Nancy was willing to overlook the camera incident, and why she didn’t hold it against Jonathan.

Part 3: El and Brenner

One of the inspirations for Stranger Things, according to the Duffer Brothers, was an anime called Elfen Lied. Originally a Manga that ran between 2002-2005, it was adapted into an anime show released in 2004 consisting of 13 episodes and 1 OVA that lasted one season. It centered around a secret laboratory on an island that experimented with Diclonius, a mutated human-like species with horns growing out of their heads and invisible arms known as “vectors” that they use to kill humans, levitate objects, or slice through anything that stands in their way. Because Diclonii can spread their mutation through their vectors touching male humans, they are kept quarantined (and in most cases, killed) to prevent them from infecting humans and overrunning the population. One night, a Diclonius named Lucy, believed to be the Queen Bee of the species, manages to escape from the Lab (we later find out she received assistance via Professor Kakuzawa, the son of the Director overseeing the Program), slaughtering multiple people in the process, before getting shot by an anti-tank rifle, knocking her into the ocean and allowing her to escape.

The impact of the bullet, combined with trauma she’s endured during her lifetime (and even perpetrated), causes her to develop a split personality: Lucy, the ruthless Diclonius with her memories intact, and Nyu, a childish persona with no understanding of the world. She is taken in by a university student named Kohta (whom Lucy is later revealed to have known in the past as a child) and his cousin Yuka. The rest of the anime deals with Kohta and Yuka aiding Lucy/Nyu and helping her adjust to life at their home, all while government agents attempt to hunt her down and send other Diclonii like Nana/Number 7 and Mariko/Number 35 to deal with her.

There is a lot in relation to story, themes, and characters from Elfen Lied that works its way into the fabric of Stranger Things, not just in this season, but in season 4 as well. This episode especially pays homage to certain elements from the anime.

Take for instance the scene when El finds Nancy’s music box with the spinning ballerina, and how it mirrors Lucy/Nyu's fascination with a music box Kohta owned that played a soothing melody she liked:

The music box in Stranger Things was more of a curiosity for El and one of many interesting things she found in Nancy’s room, especially given she had next to nothing at the Lab AND this is the first time she’s aware of an older girl like Nancy and wants to know what she's like. The music box in Elfen Lied is a recurring plot element that foreshadows how Lucy knew Kohta in the past, and that they once shared a childhood friendship:

In regards to Lucy’s character, while there are parallels that can be drawn between her and El (particularly when it comes to their abusive upbringings, how they were treated as freaks for most of their lives, and the similarities between Lucy’s hellish experience in school and El’s miserable time in Lenora), it’s pretty disquieting how much Lucy and Vecna resemble each other in terms of personality and backstory. Even the play The First Shadow has certain story elements that come from this anime, particularly with how the childhood friendship between Lucy and Kohta mirrors Henry/One/Vecna’s childhood relationship with Patty Newby.

For this reason, I will save the more in-depth discussions about Lucy and Elfen Lied’s themes and motifs when I review season 4.

For now, I want to focus on the parallel that is obvious in this episode between Elfen Lied and Stranger Things: The relationship between Dr. Brenner and El, and how it mirrors the relationship between Nana/Number 7 and Dr. Kurama.

There are plenty of inspirations for Brenner’s character that will be discussed in later reviews, but Dr. Kurama is a big one: While he isn’t the head of the Laboratory (that would be the Director) he is a senior scientist who was hired through his connections to Professor Kakuzawa, and helps oversee the experimentation on the Diclonii. Unlike Brenner, who was trying to create as many special kids as possible via Henry/One/Vecna’s blood, Dr. Kurama’s motivation is to find out how the Diclonii spread their mutation and whether there’s a cure or an origin point for the mutation. He was also not above mercy-killing Diclonii babies, which he (and everyone else in the Program) viewed as a necessary evil to prevent the spread of the mutation and save the parents from their Diclonii children growing up and slaughtering them the first chance they got. Unlike Brenner, who specifically went out of his way to assert control over the special kids like El and made sure he was the dominant authority figure in their lives, Dr. Kurama’s connection to the Diclonius is tenuous as best. Lucy and Number 3 hate him, and Number 3 even infected him out of spite, which would later lead to his wife getting pregnant with Mariko/Number 35, another Diclonius that he has limited control over. The only Diconlius who really followed Dr. Kurama’s every word, and was desperate for his approval, was Nana/Number 7. And just like with El, Nana/Number 7 was conditioned to see Dr. Kurama as her “Papa” as a means of surviving the experimentation done on her while giving her something to live for.

The best way I know how to describe Dr. Kurama in relation to Brenner is that he’s a slightly more sympathetic take on Brenner's character (but only slightly). For all of his flaws, Kurama was genuinely invested in preventing loss of human life, and even showed concern for the well-being and safety of his staff, which contrasts sharply with the cold, dismissive attitude Brenner had towards employees who worked under him (as we see in the flashback with how Brenner steps over the bodies of the orderlies El killed just so he can reward El’s use of her powers with his affection). Unlike Brenner, who deluded himself towards the end of his life into thinking he was a good person and a loving “Papa” to the special kids, Dr. Kurama has no delusions. He knows he’s a hypocrite and that his actions towards the Diclonius were monstrous. And despite having killed plenty of Diclonii babies over the protests of their fathers, he was unwilling to do it for his own Diclonii daughter Mariko (albeit because his dying wife begged him not to as a last favor to her) and kept Mariko/Number 35 locked in solitary confinement with a bomb implanted into her because of Mariko’s psychopathic tendencies.

Neither Brenner nor Kurama are winning “Father of the Year” awards anytime soon, but at least Kurama takes responsibility for his role in the person Mariko/Number 35 became and for the damage he caused (which Brenner absolutely refused to do, even towards the end of his life). And while Brenner’s relationship with El was based complete control over her and her powers, with the implication he wanted to live vicariously through the greatness she was born with (at least from what Vecna infers about Brenner in S4), Dr. Kurama’s relationship with Nana/Number 7 was a lot more complicated. Yes, he used her to bring Lucy back, but when that failed and she lost her limbs as a result, not only did Dr. Kurama provide her with new artificial limbs, but he goes against the orders of the Director to terminate her for outliving her usefulness, and orchestrates Nana/Number 7's freedom from the Lab while providing her with money to survive.

As for Nana/Number 7, she eventually gets a second chance at an ordinary life when she's taken in by Kohta and Yuka (and even makes her peace with Lucy in the series finale despite what she did to her), but she still maintains that daughterly affection for Dr. Kurama. This contrasts with El, who outgrows her dependence on Dr. Brenner’s approval over the course of the series, and (rightfully) comes to view Brenner as a monster for what he did to her, her mother, Henry/One/Vecna, and the other special kids.

One aspect they kept from both the anime and Stranger Things was El’s aversion to hurting animals, similar to Lucy’s aversion to killing dogs. The scene with the cat and El at the Lab takes on a much different context come season 4 when we’ve seen what Henry/One/Vecna did as a child to the animals and pets around Hawkins. It wasn’t just about testing El’s powers on the cat the same way she did with the Coke can, but seeing if she could reach into the cat's mind and consume it the way Vecna would've:

I’m curious if Brenner assumed El finally did this when she killed the orderlies who were going to lock her up, and that’s why he awarded her with affection. If that’s the case, he’s dead wrong. El certainly killed them, but I seriously doubt she consumed them the way Vecna would have. There seems to be a very specific ritual to do that, and El did not follow that pattern. It’s even questionable if she knows how to, or if Brenner ever taught her how to based on his time with Vecna. In any case, it does act as future foreshadowing that El was NOT the one who killed the other kids at Hawkins Lab, no matter how many red herrings the Duffer Brothers planted in season 4 pointing to her.

Another call-forward to season 4 comes in the conversation Mike and El have later when El infers that Mike has been bullied and implies that the same thing has happened to her in the past:

Mike: I was tripped by this mouth breather, Troy, okay? Eleven: Mouth breather? Mike: Yeah, you know…..a dumb person. A knucklehead. Eleven: Knucklehead? Mike: I don’t know why I just didn’t tell you. Everyone at school knows. I just didn’t want you to think I was such a wastoid, you know? Eleven: Mike… Mike: Yeah? Eleven: I understand.

Conversations like this make me question how much El remembers prior to Vecna’s banishment to the Upside Down in 1979. She apparently recalls the tunnel Vecna showed her that she would later use to escape, and this conversation implies that she remembers being viciously bullied at the Lab. However, she doesn’t seem to remember the massacre itself at this point, or even Henry/One/Vecna for that matter. It makes me question what Brenner told her about the fates of the other special kids. Did he just not say anything? Did he tell her they all died, but wouldn’t give specifics? In any case, the fact El later believes she’s the one who killed them, and that Brenner never made any attempt to dissuade her from that belief (at least not until she completed her work with The Nina Project), is just one more example of him being an abusive figure in her life.

Part 4: Searching For Will (Mike, Lucas, and Dustin)

To call these scenes the highlight of this episode would be fair. In fact, if I were to pick the arc I was most invested in during season 1, it was the one pertaining to the boys and El and their attempts to find Will. They have a certain charm to them that holds up, and it’s nice seeing different inspirations from other media that were used to make the friendships between these characters work. One of those inspirations that’s present in this episode (and paid homage to in later episodes) is Stand By Me.

Stand By Me is a 1986 coming-of-age movie by Rob Reiner, which was adapted from a Stephen King story called The Body. It centers around four boys named Gordon, Chris, Teddy, and Vern who, in the summer of 1959, hear about a body of a missing boy named Ray Brower in the woods. Believing they can get famous and appear on TV if they find the body, the four boys venture into the woods to look for it. However, during the journey, they're forced to confront hard truths about their lives and what the future holds for them. It’s a bittersweet story, but one of Stephen King’s best, both in terms of his books and the movie adaptations based on them.

Also, for those fans who whine about characters like Lucas being politically incorrect this season, Stand By Me is a helluva lot more crass with how its characters talks about sensitive subjects. At the same time though, it comes off as how boys in the 1950s would’ve talked, and there’s a refreshing honesty with how the movie tackles hard topics like death, bullying, and ostracization that isn’t patronizing.

The main arc here for Mike, Dustin, Lucas, and even El to some degree, has its roots in Stand By Me, along with other 70s and 80s movies dealing with friendships and the ups and downs of them (The Goonies, Breaking Away, etc). The common theme in each one involves an adventure where the characters are forced to do some inner soul-searching, either regarding their flaws or problems going on in their own lives, and come out stronger and wiser in the process. It doesn’t magically make all their issues go away, but they at least are able to deal with them better than before.

In this episode, the journey has just begun. We have Dustin showing up with the snacks (which El later eats) and we have Lucas show up with all of his dad’s gear from Vietnam: Binoculars, Army Knife, Hammer, Camouflage Bandana, Slingshot. He came prepared. Or as prepared as he could be.

Both the show and supplementary materials (like the comic Stranger Things and Dungeons & Dragons and the novel Lucas on the Line) have subtly alluded to Lucas’s interest in what happened to his dad in Vietnam, despite his dad’s reluctance to talk about it. Given that Hawkins will likely become a war zone in the final season, especially with the military present, I’m wondering if that aspect could come into play, either through Lucas’s father getting an expanded role in putting his military experience to work (to help the Party of course, not Colonel Sullivan), or through Lucas finding out about what his father went through in Vietnam and putting that knowledge to use in helping to defeat the Mind Flayer’s army. Unlike Teddy from Stand By Me, Lucas has the athletics similar to Steve to be able to fight back (which we see him do against Billy and Jason in later seasons), is good at improvising, and could even get his father’s help in combat ideas. There’s a juicy story here for Lucas that the Duffer Brothers could explore in season 5 if they grab it by the horns. Lord knows that whenever they’ve given Lucas his own arcs, not only do they turn out to be great, they actually result in some neat character development that carries over into other seasons (just like with Steve).

In any case, the boys and El set out on their late night adventure, but unlike Stand By Me, where there’s a whole lot of introspection and deep conversations the characters have BEFORE they find the body, they end up finding Will’s body a lot quicker than they anticipated. Or so it appears:

I know this moment for many people was emotional, but for me, I didn’t buy for a second that Will was truly dead. I was skeptical about Barbara’s survival (especially because the Demogorgon was in the pool with her and we saw her get dragged under), but Will’s staged death here was easy to see through. This was only Episode 3, and we had 5 more to get through at this point. Considering how much emphasis the show had placed on flashbacks to Will prior to this, as well as Joyce’s entire arc in this episode, it would have been premature to assume he was dead because it would have rendered all of that moot.

Like I said, the parallels between this season and movies like Stand By Me are still there. They may be taking aspects of the story out-of-order as a subversion, but the journey Mike, Dustin, and Lucas undergo where they have to do some serious introspection is yet to come. And the journey to find Will and save him isn’t over yet.

Part 5: Joyce, Karen, and Holly

Ever since the Stranger Things Spoilers account on Twitter/X began releasing BTS photos for season 5 while placing a huge emphasis on Holly, it has inspired me to look closer at Holly’s role in the first four seasons. Particularly of note are the photos they released of Holly and Vecna at what appears to be the Creel House.

This makes me question whether Vecna and Holly are interacting for the first time here, or if that’s been a thing as early as season 1 and the audience is only now being made aware of it.

Take Holly’s scene at Joyce’s house for instance: The way Holly is lured into Will's room by the flashing lights before something starts to break through the wall makes me think it was Vecna doing this in that moment. I seriously doubt Will is the one who lured her, especially because he wouldn’t ever do anything to endanger Mike’s sister like that with the Demogorgon lurking about:

The last frame catches my eye because that doesn’t look like the Demogorgon’s mouth. That looks like a large hand. It’s possible it could be the monster’s hand, but what if it was Vecna’s?

I want to talk a little about Karen since, aside from her unhappy marriage to Ted, she doesn’t really get as much focus on this show like she should. Regardless of her flaws, I've always appreciated how she’s one of the few parents on this show to be emotionally available to her kids. We see that in her interactions with Nancy at the beginning when she’s upset about Nancy coming home late but also implores Nancy to talk with her, an offer Nancy takes her up on when she realizes Barbara is missing and might be in danger. We also see it at the end of this episode with her and Mike after Mike comes home in tears thinking Will is dead:

Personally, I feel like the show made a mistake not including Karen in the line-up of adults (Joyce, Hopper, Bob, Murray, etc) who find out about the Upside Down and what’s been going on with her kids. That will likely get explored in season 5 now that the Gate is open, but we could have gotten it so much sooner as opposed to dragging out her loveless relationship with Ted or her inappropriate crush on Billy (which was never going to amount to anything). I like that she gives good advice to her kids, and that we see hidden depths to her character beyond simply being a shallow, superficial housewife.

Finally, there’s Joyce. It should go without saying that her picking up on Will’s ability to communicate through the lights was inspired, and it led to this iconic and clever set design on her part:

The Duffer Brothers have talked extensively in interviews about the different inspirations for Joyce, from Richard Dreyfuss’s character in Close Encounters of the Third Kind, to Hugh Jackman’s character in Prisoners, to Jack Nicholson’s iconic role of Jack Torrance in The Shining. Each of these characters share the same trait of obsession and myopic fixation, to the point that it begins to impact their lives and alienates loved ones around them. The plot of Prisoners especially is central to this show, with both focusing on the disappearance of a child and a parent’s determination to get their kid back no matter the cost.

I will talk more about Prisoners and The Shining in later reviews as Joyce’s story develops, but Close Encounters of the Third Kind is relevant here, particularly with Joyce’s behavior. In that movie, Dreyfuss’s character, named Roy Neary, is one of many people who has a “close encounter” one night with a UFO, resulting in him getting half his face sunburnt and developing an obsession with the image of a particular shape that’s been implanted in his head by the aliens. What follows is Roy’s fixation on said image and what it means (later revealed to be Devil’s Tower in Wyoming, where the aliens establish contact with humans) at the expense of his family. His behavior becomes so unhinged and nonsensical to the point his wife takes their kids and flees to her sister’s house.

I saw this movie for the first time back in 2015, and even rewatching it years later for this review, I was never able to connect with Roy and found him unsympathetic. His abandonment of his family (whom we never see again once his wife drives off with the kids) left a sour taste in my mouth, and it made him look like an irresponsible parent. Steven Spielberg (who wrote and directed the movie) admitted later he wasn’t a fan of how he wrote Roy’s character, and would change it if he could to have Roy stay with his family, indicating even he came to recognize the problems with how this aspect of the character was handled.

All of this makes me question why the Duffer Brothers made Roy’s character and mannerism the centerpiece for Joyce’s character. Joyce is obsessed with getting her son back alive (as I’d imagine any parent would be in her situation) and while her behavior looks irrational on the surface to people like Jonathan or Karen, she isn’t trying to drag people into her fixation the same way Roy did in the movie (as we see when she demands Karen and Holly leave her house out of fear the monster may attack them). And unlike Roy, who discards his family by the end of the movie in favor of boarding the alien ship, Joyce establishes she does care for Jonathan and is trying to balance supporting him while looking for Will.

Funny enough, I would say Joyce has similarities to the character of Jillian Guiler. In the movie, Jillian has a three-year-old son named Barry who also sees the UFOs with his mother. Later, in an extremely creepy scene, the UFOs show up at her house, causing the electricity and appliances to go haywire (similar to the electromagnetic fluctuations that happen whenever something from the Upside Down is near) and her son gets taken by the aliens. Like Roy, she has the obsession with getting to Devil’s Tower at any cost. Unlike Roy though, where it comes off like he’s looking to have his obsession validated and therefore show he was in the right for how he acted, Jillian’s motivation to find her son provides a more sympathetic context to her actions, and makes it easier to relate to her. I would argue that sympathetic context also applies to Joyce, which is why the parallels with Jillian work better than they do with Roy.

As for Joyce’s situation with the monster in her walls, am I the only on who saw similarities to the video game Silent Hill 4?

Again, the Duffer Brothers have cited Silent Hill video games as inspiration for the show, particularly in relation to the Upside Down. I find it interesting how Joyce's story in season 1 parallels that particular game. The premise of Silent Hill 4 centers around a man named Henry Townsend who moves into an apartment that turns out to be haunted, resulting in him being locked inside and cut off from other people. All the while, he begins to have nightmares, and eventually finds a hole in his bathroom that allows him to travel to certain locations that turn out to have a connection to a serial killer and his victims.

There’s a lot here (particularly in regards to the killer and how he mirrors Vecna in his motives and the mindscapes both of them inhabit) that factors into season 4, but the main theme of Henry Townsend and Joyce being isolated from others while there’s a monster in their walls is notable. In Henry Townsend’s case, it’s supernatural (and even acts as a metaphor for how closed off he is from people due to being an introvert). In Joyce’s case, it’s self-imposed. She is able to leave her house, but doesn’t want to because Will is there, and she intends to stay there until he is found, regardless of how crazy her behavior looks to everyone else.

Part 6: Hopper’s Investigation

That reference from Powell about Hawkins Lab being “Emerald City” gave me a chuckle. The Wizard of Oz movie doesn’t dive too deep into the politics of Oz (I can’t speak for the books because I haven’t read them), but compared to the letdown of the Wizard being the “Man Behind the Curtain,” what lurking behind the curtain at Hawkins Lab would not be nearly as disappointing. Even Callahan’s snide remarks about “space weapons” pales in comparison to the horrors we’ve seen from this building.

In any case, I’d argue if you were going to draw parallels between this show and Oz, then the play Wicked, and its 2024 movie adaptation, would be your best reference. The way the authorities in Emerald City and the Wizard are depicted in those adaptations, with their sinister motivations, works a lot better as a parallel to the shady shit Hawkins Lab was engaging in, particularly its ties to MKUltra.

Speaking of which, this is the first episode that goes into the MKUltra program and how it connects to Hawkins Lab, specifically El’s mom, Terry Ives.

MKUltra was a real life human experimentation program created by the CIA which dealt with the use of different drugs and psychological warfare to control and manipulate human behavior. Mind Control and brainwashing were key themes in the program, particularly the idea of erasing someone’s entire personality and creating a new one through drugging, psychological torture, operant conditioning, all with the purpose of making that person susceptible to suggestions from the person exerting control over them. The proverbial Manchurian Candidate, if you will.

The program had its origins from the OSS (Office of Strategic Services), which was created from different branches of the military during WWII. This would eventually lead to the development of the CIA in 1947. While there were shady experiments done during this period, some of which were inspired by the Nazi’s experimentation of Jews with different drugs like mescaline during the Holocaust, it wouldn’t be until 1953 that the program officially became MKUltra. Some of the Nazi scientists, like Dr. Kurt Plotner, who oversaw the mescaline experiments on Jews, not only were recruited by the United States under Operation Paperclip, but were also encourage to continue their research, which was eerie foreshadowing for how MKUltra went forward with its research: Unethical human experimentation based on mind control and the use of drugs (about 125 different types were tested), stimulation techniques of the brain, sensory deprivation, hypnosis, you name it. There’s a video that goes more in depth about what kind of experiments took place:

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One of the drugs used in the program was LSD, the same one Terry Ives took during her experiments at Hawkins Lab when she was pregnant with El. During the 60s, CIA specifically funded research into LSD to see how it enhanced the consciousness of a person. While the purpose was centered around making someone susceptible, either so they would spill information that the interrogator wanted, or to create a new personality within the subject, both season 1 and the novel Suspicious Minds (which is arguably non-canon at this point) implied that LSD was one of many drugs that could break down reality barriers set on the mind and allow those people to see other worlds beyond this one. It’s the idea that a mental gate is opened via the drug, which allows the mind to connect to different worlds and realities, including the Upside Down.

Unfortunately, while this idea was touched upon in the show, it’s not one the Duffer Brothers ran with. As we see with season 4 and The First Shadow, the reason El and other special kids like Kali/Eight have powers is because Brenner took Henry’s blood (which was altered due to transporting to the Upside Down as a child and encountering the Mind Flayer) and did blood transfusions to create multiple kids. In El’s case, Terry was likely given a blood transfusion without her knowledge or consent while pregnant during those times she was experimenting with LSD at Hawkins Lab. Pretty much in line with how unethical everything about this was to begin with.

MKUltra’s research allegedly stopped in 1973 due to distrust with the government that arose publicly after the Watergate scandal, resulting in thousands of documents related to MKUltra being destroyed to prevent a full investigation. What followed were a series of committee investigations into the CIA by the U.S. Congress, and even lawsuits from people who were test subjects in the program and were given certain drugs without their consent. Some of that is alluded to in the newspaper clippings Hopper and Powell view at the Library regarding Terry Ives’s attempts to sue Brenner and get El back:

Some people might question how Hawkins Lab is even able to be around at this point in the show (1983), but considering the shadiness and illegality of these government programs to begin with, as well as how there’s a history of programs starting out one way before it’s succeeded by another (similar to how Project Artichoke became MKUltra and MKUltra spawned other government sanctioned programs like MKNAOMI), I wouldn’t be surprised if Hawkins Lab became a program of its own that was off-the-books and pretended to distance itself from MKUltra, all while keeping the same ideology and techniques as its predecessor. It reminds me of the illegal CIA Treadstone program from the Jason Bourne movies. Treadstone was decommissioned after it got exposed in the first movie, but a new program called “Blackbriar” was introduced immediately afterwards, with the same people brought on board and continuing the goals of the previous program.

Part 7: Song Choices

For this episode, there were two key songs featured: “Waiting for a Girl Like You” by Foreigner, and “Heroes” by Peter Gabriel.

“Waiting for a Girl Like You” is self-explanatory in its lyrics. The song deals with the narrator who’s been desperately looking for love, all while dealing with crippling loneliness in the process, and finally finds it with a girl that he can connect with. Given this song plays while Steve and Nancy have sex, the impression is Steve believes that he’s finally succeeded in finding someone (Nancy) who loves him and that he can truly love and have a meaningful relationship with.

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I will talk more about the relationship between Nancy and Steve, as well as the entire Steve/Nancy/Jonathan love triangle that exists in the first two seasons (and is sadly brought back for season 4) in later reviews. For now, I will say that, given everything that happens later, the impression on rewatch is that Steve’s belief is misplaced and Nancy isn’t the girl for him. He will eventually find love, but it won’t be with her.

“Heroes” by Peter Gabriel is the song everyone remembers from this episode. It’s also featured in the season 3 finale “The Battle of Starcourt.”

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The song used in the show is a remix of the David Bowie version. The original version was recorded at Hansa Tonstudios in West Berlin in 1977, during the time Germany was split East and West by the Berlin Wall. The lyrics themselves depict two lovers on opposite ends of the wall who desire to be together, with the aspiration to transcend the boundaries that keep them apart (“swimming with dolphins” being a metaphor for freedom). David Bowie later would reference his producer, Tony Visconti, and his backup singer, Antonia Maass, as inspirations for the song, including the love the two of them shared at the time and how they would kiss by the Berlin Wall. There's a whole article here that goes more in-depth about this topic.

The song itself has been subjected to multiple interpretations about whether it’s optimistic or pessimistic. In both “Holly Jolly” and “The Battle of Starcourt,” the song plays at the end of both episodes during moments when it was believed a loved one died. In “Holly Jolly,” it plays after Will’s body is supposedly found in the quarry. In “The Battle of Starcourt,” it’s played after El reads Hopper’s letter following his supposed death while she’s moving to Lenora. It’s a downer song in the moment that becomes bittersweet in hindsight knowing that both Will and Hopper survived and are fighting their way back. Even the lyric “We can be heroes just for one day” is applicable to pretty much all the main characters. The idea that anyone, regardless of their circumstances, has the potential to be heroic, even if it’s just for a day, which is a recurring theme Stranger Things does an excellent job conveying.

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lalaverdecia · 9 months ago

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My Thoughts On The ‘Ghosts’ Season 3 Finale

🎶 Guess who’s back, back again, the Ghosts-obsessed-bitch-who’s-still-super-salty-about-the-writers-breaking-up-Isaac-and-Nigel-like-what-the-hell-why-would-you-do-that… tell a friend 🎶

Why hello fellow Ghosts fans. Isn’t this just a lovely surprise. I haven’t posted anything about Ghosts since before the season 3 finale. And I think we can all guess why that is. But I will get to that in a minute.

Firstly, I wanna address something before y’all read my Ted Talk/emotionally fulled rant. I needed to take a break from the Ghosts fandom all together before collecting myself. The reason why I did that is because I realized I was too obsessed with the show. I get pretty into certain fandoms but with Ghosts it was different for some reason. And because of that, I did something incredibly stupid and wrong. I was so upset with how the season ended, I went to Twitter (or X fuck you Elon) and started blasting Joe Port (one of the producers of the show) for it. I was saying ‘how dare you fucking do this, don’t you know how important this show is to people?!’ And it was during this hate filled rant that I suddenly realized, I had a problem. And I was taking it out on others. I immediately stopped and deleted the tweets and messaged him apologizing for my behavior. It was NOT okay of me to do that and I’m so ashamed that I was capable of doing something so beneath me. So I decided I needed to take a step back from the Ghosts fandom before coming back. I’m still a huge fan of the show, don’t worry, but I’m working really hard on trying not to let my emotions affect other people. I can be a huge fan of something but without being a dick about it basically.

So with that being said, let’s discuss the big ass elephant in the room.

HUGE DISCLAIMER:

These thoughts on the show are just my personal opinion and in no way trying to dictate how the series should go. Please do not go and harass anybody who works for the show like I did.

3x10 ‘Isaac’s Wedding’ Discussion

Oh boy was I upset. Isaac left Nigel at the altar and decided to break up with him. He explained how he thinks there’s something missing in their relationship and decides he can’t be with Nigel without that something. This didn’t just upset me, it seemed to upset a LOT of people. And for good reason I might add. It seemed to fall into the ‘Bury The Gays’ trope that television seems to do too often.

(I couldn’t post the link for some reason but here’s what the video looks like for reference)

In this video, it explains what ‘Bury The Gays’ means and the origins of it. It also gives examples on the different types of tropes there are here. Where Isaac and Nigel seem to fall under is the ‘Miserable LGBTQ+ Lives’ one. It explains that these queer characters face way too much angst and turmoil before/if they can even be happy.

Now I know, Isaac and Nigel come from a different period in time so it’s to be expected that they’re a bit set in their ways. But the amount of progress they’ve made up until 3x10 seems to have been thrown out the window. Along with why Isaac decided to break things off. It’s implied by the writers, BSJ, and the characters in the show themselves, that one of the reasons for why it ended was because Isaac had just realized he was gay and went for one of the only other gay male ghost at Woodstone.

But there’s the huge problem with that. For two and a half centuries, Isaac and Nigel have been pining over each other. Isaac may not have been openly gay but knew that he was in love with Nigel and vice versa. In 1x08 D&D the other ghosts explain to Samantha that their playful back and forth flirting has been going on since they both died. It wasn’t out of convenience because they were both attracted to the same gender, it was because they both genuinely liked each other. Hell, even before they both died, Isaac was spying on Nigel in his camp because he was infatuated by him. He had no idea Nigel was gay as well and probably didn’t at first when they died. But along the way, he seemed to have started to pick up on the fact that Nigel liked him too, but didn’t want to say anything out loud. There’s also other gay male ghosts that he could have pined over. (AKA Jenkins, George, and let’s be honest I wouldn’t be surprised if one of or all the other main male ghosts were queer in some way) So no, their love was NOT out of convenience thank you very much.

Nigel’s Character Arc (or lack there of)

People have mixed feelings about Nigel as a character. Some say he’s the best side ghost character in the show. Others say he sucks and is one of the worst characters.

Ever since Nigel first appeared in season 1, his past and personal information have always been up to debate. He has yet to have an episode or an A or B plot dedicated to just him and learning about him as a person. Most of the time, he is seen around Isaac. Rarely is he alone with the other ghosts in the mansion. Yes he established the ant watching club with Thor and Pete but it would have never really happened if it wasn’t for the conflict between Isaac and Thor in 2x01 ‘Spies’.

You’d think with the fourth season coming out in October, we would have learned a lot more about Nigel by now. All the main ghosts have already had an episode centered around them. Now you can argue and say that Nigel has had that with 1x08 ‘D&D’ when he was first introduced, but even then it was mainly about Isaac and learning that he had killed Nigel and trying to apologize to him for it.

Like stop and think for a second here: can you name 3 things about Nigel’s personal life besides being in the Revolutionary War? Where did he grow up? (And yes I know it would be somewhere in Britain I’m asking where specifically) What was his family dynamic like? Was he ever married? Did he have children? What kind of jobs did he use to have if at all before the war? When did he realize he was gay? How did this affect him when he was alive? Was he open to others about being gay? Or did he have to hide it to protect himself during a time and place where being queer was really dangerous for people? Okay I get that the last few questions are too personal to just bring up in conversation but you get my point. We barely know ANYTHING about the guy!

So What Now? And How Isaac And Nigel Can Fix Their Relationship

Now, y’all are gonna be shocked to hear this from me, but after doing some thinking and consideration, I’m actually kinda glad Isaac and Nigel are taking a break.

WHAT?! I hear you say?

Look, am I happy with HOW they broke up? Absolutely not! The writers could have done a much better job at hinting to the break up between Isaac and Nigel. But instead they just sprung it onto us at the last possible second. But what’s done is done, so the big question is what’s next?

Back to why I’m sorta glad Isaac and Nigel broke it off. They both need some time apart to sort themselves out. Because let’s be honest, as cute as they are together, it could be better. For example, their communication skills need improvement. Like, by a lot. They just need to say upfront what they both want and need from the other person and speak up when one of them crosses a line. But in order to get there, they need to be apart from each other to work on their own personal issues first.

Nigel may be the more open and laid back person in the relationship, but he has a few problems he needs to recognize and work on. Like his temper. He’s not rude or abusive, god no, he just tends to get upset a little too quickly. (We on the ‘Ghosts’ discord server have described this as him being feisty. He’s a feisty little crumpet) Another issue Nigel has is his forwardness. What I mean by this is that Nigel seems eager to move quickly in his relationship with Isaac. Wanting to share a room/bed, wanting physical intimacy, etc. Which on its own isn’t a bad thing. But when you get into a relationship with someone (especially when the other person hasn’t been in a gay relationship before) you don’t wanna rush into things. And Nigel needs to recognize this before getting back together with Isaac.

But now on to Isaac…

My god where do I begin.

Anyone who has ever seen the show knows this man’s got some problems. He has some toxic traits he needs to fix ASAP. Some petty, narcissistic traits but others being internal struggles with his identity and trying to find out what he REALLY wants with a partner. Now his internal issues aren’t the problem, it’s how it’s effecting his relationships. His way of thinking led him to be engaged to Nigel too quickly. Instead of taking his time and realizing, ‘Wait, I literally have forever to figure myself out’, he felt it was necessary to propose to Nigel because he was worried about sharing a room with him. So it made it easier for him to justify sharing space with him because that’s what married couples do. But when he realized he made that mistake, it was too late. He and Nigel were at the altar and Isaac had to break things off before he could hurt Nigel even more than if they were married. As hard as it was, he knew he couldn’t afford to put Nigel in an unhappy marriage like he thinks he did with Beatrice.

And it’s not just Nigel he has had problems with, it’s with almost everyone else in the mansion. I mean, he dumped Crash’s head in a tree stump because he was bored. He wanted Jay to dedicate his restaurant to him and theme it around HIM. He does care about others yes, but he is also really selfish and needs to work on that before getting back together with Nigel.

CONCLUSION

Phew 😮‍💨

This was the longest ‘Ghosts’ post I ever made. And exactly 3 months after season 3 ended. And I didn’t even plan for that. I hope you enjoyed my spiel or Ted Talk or whatever you wanna call it.

I’m not sure what season 4 will bring, but we can all agree on one thing…

We better get another Nisaac kiss because we’ve only gotten 1 so far throughout this entire show like EXCUSE ME?!

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zabala0z · 9 months ago

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Okay. So. Hi. I’m your host who is rethinking life??? Or just thinking a lot right now, my brain got so much information. I would’ve posted sooner but I needed a couple hours to get my bearings yall ⛹️‍♀️ anyways! The final 4 episodes of TMA s2!!!

I’m not gonna do my usual format but to start with: I knew Elias was a bastard. I knew it, I CALLED IT. I mean it was pretty obvious but I’m just happy I figured it out. Although I’m very destroyed over the fact Sasha is definitely dead. Like I heard Dekker in MAG 78 and even then I was still in denial until Leitner said “yeah no she’s dead”

In MAG 79, I’m mostly pissed at Michael. Like the moment it put Tim and Martin through its creepy ass doors, I was just like full wheezing out of shock. I wheezed a lot today. Michael does not seem to know shit about humans too since it was like “I…I think it’s called a sport”. Love Michael but also stop being so cryptic oh my god. Also Not Sasha was low key horrifying. Like props to Michael and Not!Sashas voice actors because man I have never felt my muscles seize up like I did when hearing them.

Not Sasha mentioned like being sent to the house of its enemy that had the biggest eyes you ever saw. I thought the enemy was the institute but later I found out…no. Oh yeah! Mag 80! What the hell!

Jurgen Leitner being like “yeah my assistants kinda were killed a lot” like okay go supporting boss. I did not predict it was LEITNER who was living in the tunnels. It’s nice he worked with Gertrude though.

Also, these entities. Again, I was vaguely aware of some since their name was thrown around but I didn’t really realize the extent. Jon mentioned Michael and Leitner refers to it as “The Distortion” and that’s its part of “The Spiral”. AND THATS WHERE FRACTALS COME FROM. God.

Also, when Leitner and Elias are talking, Leitner talks about “the Stranger” and Elias asks what they call it which is “The Unknowing”. The last episode, Not Sasha says that Jon will miss the Unknowing but he wouldn’t understand so I’m assuming the replacement things fall under The Stranger

One final thing I noticed was that he mentioned his assistants getting killed on that day of the attack and all the ways they got killed or I dunno attacked, corresponds with different themes from other statements

“Stabbed through the throat by something with too many teeth and weird limbs”- the replacement things (The Stranger)

“Pulled into a cavernous maw that opened beneath her”- I think this is related to The Butchers Window where Jared Hopworth would throw bones down that pit with teeth

“Gregory Todd ran into a door that shouldn’t have been there”- Michael. What are you doing 💀 (The Spiral)

“A great hand reached down through the roof” -I actually don’t know. Thought it was Freefall but misremembered it.

“Pulled into a great, pulsating pile of meat”- literally every episode with a meat theme. (EDIT 9/2/24: this is related to MAG 18 actually!)

“Doors with darkness and doors on fire”- so the cult I think is related to the darkness but with the fire, I know that Burned Out and that statement with Agnes could be related

So I’m guessing every way an assistant like got killed is one of those entities. I know The Vast is somehow related because Michael Crew mentioned that name before throwing himself out the window and then like changing. Guess he’s like a servant now or something?

Oh god that’s most of it. I’m wondering where Jon is now and I hope Tim and Martin don’t like fully believe he murdered a man. Also I swear to god, Elias, if I catch you. Like Leitner was not a super good guy but come on. I’m glad Not Sasha is gone but…my OG girl 😔😔😔

if you got this far in reading me descend down into my little obsession thank you 🫶🫶🫶 like all this is for fun but everyone I talked to in this fandom is so chill and doesn’t try to spoil which is nice. As someone who was in crazy fandoms, this is pretty calm for such a horrifying media. I’ll probably continue these posts for s3 but I’ll try to condense it I swear guys.

#the magnus archives #tma #tma podcast #mag 79 #mag 80 #Zabala0z thoughts #I’ll probably take like a day break to recover from this intense lore drop #JUST FOR HIM TO DIE???#like I’m so pissed because Leitner knows so much and could’ve told more #then Elias and his shitty self decided to kill him #I’m sure he has his reasons #☹️

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asirensrage · 27 days ago

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Saudade - Chapter 43

Rating: Explicit Pairing: Mikey x OC, Hanma x OC, Ran x OC, Mikey x OC x Draken Fandom: Tokyo Revengers Warnings: swearing, violence, threats of violence, murder, smoking, sex, consensual sex between teenagers, alcohol, recreational drug use, mention of trafficking, torture, family neglect, mentions of sexual violence. isekai OC. memory loss. unbeta’d **warnings are not exhaustive** Summary: No one seems to realize she doesn’t belong until she finally runs into her “new” brother, Hanagaki Takemichi. Now, hearing his story, Takara makes the choice to help him and hopefully find her way home, but faking it til you make it only lasts so long when you start losing the memories of the life you had before. As Takemichi becomes the only family she’s ever known, how far will she go to protect him?

notes: This is a sad chapter but there's a point to it. Trust me. I hope you all enjoy it. Please, as always, let me know what you think <3 As always, expect spoilers for the manga from here on out.

also on ao3 fic masterlist - prev chapter

Her second year of high school isn’t easy, but it’s simple in comparison to her life outside of it. At least, it is until she adds in the fact that her brother, Chifuyu and Hakkai now all attend the same school. She’s been able to keep herself separate for the most part. The excuse of work and a few suggestions to a couple clubs to recruit the boys have kept them all out of each others hair.

“You’re never around much.”

“Hmm?” she looks up at her brother from where she’s sitting on a bench, eating her lunch as she goes over a text book. There’s a test in her next class.

He plops down on the floor next to her so he doesn’t disturb her reading. His back presses into her leg as he faces away from her. “I never see you anymore. Not at home. Barely at school. I mean, I know we’re going our own ways but shit, I still thought we’d be siblings.”

“We are siblings, dumbass,” she says, smiling softly even as she whacks the back of his head lightly. “We don’t have to spend time together for that to change.”

“I know that,” he says, shoving her hand away from him. “But you’re never around.”

“I didn’t know you wanted to hang out with your big sis,” she teases.

He makes a face at that but sighs. “I don’t, but I also…” He doesn’t admit that he misses her. “I’ve heard…well, we’ve all heard, some of the shit the people here say about you. Are you okay?”

Takara smiles and leans down, pressing a kiss against his hair. It reminds her of the man he’s going to be, why the blood on her hands is worth it. “Yeah. Don’t worry about them. It’s because of the incident last year.”

“Where you beat a guy?”

She can’t stop her grin. “Yeah, there was no proof but rumours spread. Besides, getting hounded by a gang doesn’t make you friends. Just keep yourself out of trouble and you’ll be fine.”

“Will you?”

“Always.”

⛸️

Despite the promises to her brother, she doesn’t make more time for him. Takara continues on as she’s been doing since she joined forces with Mikey. She works with Draken and Kokonoi, formulating their plan for the first brothel they obtain. She doesn’t ask how Kokonoi does it considering they’re all still teenagers, but Draken lays out the necessities that includes weekly testing, excellent security and a doctor on staff. He also informs them that letting the women choose their own hours will increase the job satisfaction. If they want this to work, they need women to want to work with them.

It’s sound advice and since Draken is leading this venture, they’re following it. The first brothel they manage to own isn’t his, but it’s close to it. Enough that it takes Draken less than five minutes to walk there.

It’s Ran who finds the foreigner with a medical degree who isn’t able to practice here. They can’t go home either for reasons that involve family members they’re avoiding. He’s still young, but Ran is charismatic enough to sway them into joining and show them the benefits outweigh any costs. The twenty-nine year old’s name is Vincent but he’s becoming known more as Katsuro. Everyone calls him Kats.

Takara meets with him, sees the way he lights up as she tries talking to him in English which has always been her best subject, and decides then and there that she likes him. He seems sweet even if he flinches sometimes at loud noises. Mikey approves of him once Takara does, and he’s moved into the brothel once it’s set up and he has no reservations about it.

⛸️

Mikey’s birthday is only celebrated with her and Draken. The two of them work together to spend the day with him, to keep him busy. Takara asks him to teach her something and he introduces her to the dojo his grandfather runs. Draken stands guard as Mikey and Takara fight for the first time.

Mikey doesn’t use his full strength against her. Takara moves, using all of her skills and abilities in gymnastics and speed to avoid him. She leans back when he throws a kick, slower than she knows he’s capable of, and balances herself on her hands before using one foot to kick up at his chin. He blocks it.

There’s no way of winning against him. Takara has played many sports against many different kinds of people. She knows when she’s facing a prodigy. Still, she tries. Her competitive streak is sparked and she’s determined to at least get him on his back once.

She doesn’t know what happens, except that she’s losing and it’s pissing her off. Anger doesn’t make her sloppy, it heightens everything. She moves a little faster but Mikey blocks every attempt. She keeps rolling and flipping with each toss he makes of her until he finally manages to pin her down.

Takara pants, glaring up at him. She struggles but he has her arms pinned over her head and he uses his legs to hold hers down. His eyes seem bright as he looks down at her.

“I like you like this,” he teases, even though his voice is still a little monotone.

“Yeah? Come a little closer. Let me bite you.”

“Don’t forget I’m still here,” Draken cuts in dryly.

Mikey ignores him. He presses himself against her, moving to rest between her thighs instead of on them. He adjusts himself so that he holds one of her legs, hiking it up to rest over his waist. She hears Draken mutter some curse at that but she can’t look away from the man above her. She never can.

“Happy birthday, Manjiro,” she whispers. It’s the first time she’s ever said his full name, his real name and she watches the way his expression changes as she does. His eyes widen slightly and his gaze heats. She squirms slightly under him at the look but doesn’t get a chance to do more because he kisses her. Hard.

Draken keeps everyone out of the dojo in response.

⛸️

The subsequent dinner to celebrate happens in Mikey’s house. No one cooks, despite his grandfather’s assurance that he could. Instead they order and Takara helps hand out the food between the four of them. She’s not sure how she came to be so comfortable in this home more than her own, but maybe it’s because it’s not supposed to be hers. There’s no role to fill here except as herself.

“Emma, pass the sweet potato.”

She freezes. Takara looks to where Draken is sitting next to her, looking at something else as his hand is reached out towards her. Her throat tightens.

“Em?”

She stands, hands shaking as she is suddenly filled with the urge to run. He’s called her that before but he was high off of painkillers. Not sober. Not like this.

He looks at her and she sees the realization enter his eyes and the grief that flashes with it. “Shit, Ta-”

She flees. She moves quickly, leaving the house as fast as possible without apologizing or saying goodbye. Takara can’t. She can’t be there in that house anymore, unwittingly playing the role of a dead girl whose spot she’s filled without meaning to. She’s not Emma.

She finally stops, hidden in an alley as she can’t stop herself from crying anymore. It’s embarrassing, but the hurt in her chest feels as though it consumes her. This is worse than watching your crush in love with someone else. It’s worse than the way her parents’ eyes shift over her like she’s not even there. She crouches down, hiding her face in her hands as she tries to regain control over herself. She’s not Emma. Guilt feels like it consumes her. Emma is dead and Takara is in her place, completely and differently, and some days it feels like Takara killed her friend herself.

Someone moves beside her, crouching down with their back to the wall, knee pressed up against her own. She can tell from the slight smell of sweat and cologne that it’s Mikey. That he found her.

“Wha-what are you doing here?” she says, trying to make her voice not shake. She fails as spectacularly as she did at subduing him in the dojo.

“You left.”

“You should go back. Finish celebrating with your family.”

“No.” He says it completely toneless. “I’m where I want to be.”

There’s a moment of silence as she wipes at her tears that won’t stop falling. It’s not supposed to be this way. She’s supposed to finally be herself, not filling the role of someone else. Something that she was comforted in is ruined now. She’s not sure she can look at Draken the same way anymore. She’s not sure if he ever even saw her. “I’m sorry for ruining your birthday.”

He lets out a huff. “He shouldn’t have called you that. You’re not Emma.”

She cringes at the way he says it, wanting to curl up tighter. She’s not anyone she’s supposed to be here. Not really. “I’m sorry.”

“Why?” he asks, reaching for her hand. He laces their fingers together, tightening his grip slightly. “I don’t want you to be her. You’re Takara. You–” he pauses as if a thought just occurred to him. He looks at her finally. “What is your name? Your real name. The one before?”

She opens her mouth to answer…and falters. An answer that should come easily to her, one that she’s heard repeated since the day she was born, that should be etched into the very core of her…doesn’t come to mind. She doesn’t remember. She doesn’t know who she used to be. “I don’t–”. Her breath quickens as the realization sets in. Her name is gone. She never even wrote it down…confident that it would be the one thing she’d never forget. How do you forget something that has helped make you into who you are? She bends forward, unable to breathe.

Mikey pulls her into him, not saying a word as he holds her. She clings to him, holding on tightly as if he’s the only thing keeping her together. Takara curls up into herself as much as she can as she bawls for the loss. Of her name. Of her self. Of everything she left behind. She’s only Takara now. There’s nothing else remaining.

⛸️

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