#I deserve a reward

[cultofdixon]

Please, don’t leave

Daryl Dixon • She/Her Pronouns • Falling in love has its moments. With you and the youngest Dixon? Neither of you knew the other’s feelings. Life started to block that out…until the outbreak shook everyone still standing. Then as the gates opened, there you stood. • ANGST/SFW • TW: Anxiety Attacks / Past Abuse / Injuries / Scars / Canon Violence / Messy confessions • Flashbacks

Requested by: @ravenrose18

Once Y/N had finished barricading the door, she dropped her pack up against it before finally relaxing after running from a few mercenaries—at least that what she thought they were, and an approaching herd. Hence the barricading of the house she’s held up in until it passes.

She tiredly threw herself onto the couch in the room she was in, finding herself staring at the ceiling for an unknown period of time. Her exhaustion was starting to get to her the longer she laid there.

“Remember runnin’ from my old man?”

“How could I forget?” Y/N laughs bringing an arm behind her head for support. “Running from your dad was easier compared to mine. He didn’t like you”

“Mm. Yeah but at least I didn’t break your cheekbone before prom night” the youngest Dixon sat himself up against the couch fiddling with what looked to be a piece of tied string but it was a friendship bracelet he refused to wear. “Yea think you’ll make it out of here?”

“I’m still looking for you aren’t I?”

“Wouldn’t have to be looking if you didn’t run away in the first place” His words hurt, even if they were hers as she slowly fades into unconsciousness. “I’m still out there, bunny”

“You’re still out there…”

The youngest Dixon, Daryl Dixon, had one best friend in the world. Y/F/N Y/L/N. As sad as it was, you shared a lot in common with the whole abusive parent(s) making your life a living hell. But you had each other. It made life worth living having someone who understand and a gateway from the harsh reality.

But one night, Y/N ran away. From all of it. Leaving Daryl alone in the world to end up helping his brother with his illegal nonsense up until the outbreak happened. When he lost him too, he thought this was it for him.

Especially when his own arrow impaled him and the blood loss was too much.

Daryl did his best to keep awake, even if the world was sort of spinning due to the blood loss. He laid back for a moment, just a moment.

“You seem to be in a bit of a pickle, baby brother” Merle laughs kneeling to his side and resting his head in his hands. “Is this for Y/N? Searching for her again like you did countless times before we got stuck with this group”

“We…weren’t stuck with this group…they’re good people”

“That’s good. You deserve good people”

Daryl turns to the opposite side of his brother finding Y/N looking at him with that beautiful smile of hers.

“I came out here…for Carol’s daughter. She’s lost…and I can’t find her”

“She’s somewhere, D” Y/N reassures, at least what he needs to hear. “You’ll find her. And me”

“Why’d you leave” Daryl sobbed laying back into the dirt. “Why’d you leave me all those years ago…”

“Oh Daryl…” Y/N frowns bringing herself close to Daryl resting her hand on his chest. “You’re only going to hear what you want to hear…which will only be a possibility”

“Please don’t die…” He sobbed and next thing he knew, he was fighting off a walker.

The hours turned into days as Y/N didn’t know she was moved from her spot. Surprised she was even found. But when a certain someone who’s known to get in and out of places without a trace comes through the neighborhood in search for items, he managed to get into the house she barricaded herself in.

Next thing Y/N knew, she was waking in an unknown location without most of her clothes and an IV in her arm. Which only made her panic and rip the thing out. Because it’s the apocalypse, she hasn’t ran into those bastards yet. But she can believe that there are some sick fucks experimenting on healthy individuals with the undead walking around.

It didn’t click to Y/N that she wasn’t wearing pants and a shirt when she ripped the IV out and sprung up out of bed because again, she thought she was being experimented on. Being a horror fanatic in the old world sucks now. So when she stumbled out of the building…or trailer she was in. The community outside in that moment stared at her in her underwear and tank top which lead to her realization and quickly stumbling back into the trailer.

“Where the fuck am I” Y/N frowns pressing her back against the door before spotting a pile of neatly folded clothes on a chair. Something better not burst out of my chest (Alien) She thought as she approaches the clothes finding a note along with the pile but she ignored it to get re-dressed. Or a fucking little reptile jumping me and eating me alive (Jurassic Park) She groans realizing her arm was bleeding from her stupidity ripping the IV out and took note that she was in the medical trailer.

Once Y/N patched her arm up, she finally read the note that instructed her to go to the only actual house in the community to talk with whoever saved her…and more.

“Ah! You’re awake” The unfamiliar man rose to his feet approaching Y/N when she entered the Barrington House. “I should probably explain how you got here”

“If I had my knife I’d threaten it on yea to tell me that information. But I honestly just wanna know where the fuck it is” Y/N frowns as the man quickly drew himself back to the couch he was sitting on and picking up her belongings handing it all to her. “Okay…maybe I won’t threaten you for how nice you’re being. But I have questions”

“Okay, I’m here to answer them”

“Your name?”

“Paul Rovia, but everyone here calls me Jesus” Jesus smiles sitting on the arm rest of the couch watching Y/N hug her backpack. “Uhm. Yours?”

“Y/N. Just Y/N…uh. How did you find me?”

“My group and I were on a run to look for medicines and frankly anything that could help us. We have a garden going on but you can’t speed the growth to those things so yknow. Scavenging. But I went to this one house that was barricaded. Only the front door was so I found my way in and saw you lying unconsciously. You looked like you were in poor condition and we have a doctor here.” Jesus explained watching her tense shoulders relax. “Yeah he’s an OBGYN but yknow you have to go through—-“

“Residency so you explore your options before picking a specialty.”

“Well we are certainly benefitting by your presence if you are also a doctor”

“I dropped out of med school, but I know enough” Y/N shrugs. “And what makes you think I want to stay here…I…I’m kind of looking for someone” she frowns realizing how impossible that’s going to become as she makes her way to sit on the single loveseat diagonal from Jesus.

Jesus noticed the change in emotion as he thought of something that could lighten her mood. “How about we make a deal? You help out with the community, and you can come on runs with me. During those moments we can look for whoever it is that you’re looking for”

“It’s gonna be hard”

“How so?”

“He knows how to be untraceable. He’s a hunter”

“Your husband?”

I wish

________

“Why are you giving me this?” Y/N laughs a bit confused and not entirely surprised that her best friend gave her a survival multi-tool with the signature piece being the knife.

“Self defense from that bastard of a father you’ve got” Daryl scoffs taking a hit from the blunt they were sharing, as he kicked his feet at the end of the dock.

“I will keep this in mind when he hits me next…but I know I can’t win those fights”

“Well yknow to run away to the lake house if yea need me” He nudges her gently, handing the blunt to her as she took the offering then a hit after.

________

“Is he alright?”

“Just adjusting to the new people. He said he needed a minute alone” Carol tells Rick as the two were watching the archer sit in the middle of the field looking up at the stars. “I’ll check on him in a bit”

“Alright…I’m gonna turn in, keep me posted” the retired sheriff squeezes her shoulder on his way into the prison leaving her to continue watching her best friend sit alone.

Daryl frowns thinking about how she could be out there…scared and alone for all he knows. His anxiety started to eat at him while he unconsciously tugs at the bracelet he was wearing.

“Merle’s gone…you can’t be gone too”

“Who can’t be gone?”

Half expecting Carol, but was met with Carl and his curious self. Daryl shook his head ignoring the young Grimes as he plopped himself down beside him.

“How’d yea go unnoticed by Carol?”

“Oh. So you know she’s stalking you?”

“Wouldn’t call it stalkin’. She’s worried about me, I know that much”

“What exactly does she have to be worried about?” Carl asks, even more curious as he sits beside Daryl at a respectable distance. Eventually looking up at the stars and finding how calm it is.

“Promise yea won’t say anything” Daryl asks listening to the quiet yes from Carl before getting into it. “I wanna leave. Not forever. But just until I find someone”

“You lost someone out there?” Carl frowns looking at his friend watching him nod. “But what’s the issue? Knowing you it wouldn’t be that hard”

“The thing is kid? I’ve been looking for years. Way before the outbreak” Daryl frowns continuing to tug at the bracelet. “So it wouldn’t be smart to just. Wander aimlessly in a walker infested world.”

“…You think that this person is looking at the same stars we are? I can find comfort in that”

“Sometimes, yer smarter than yer old man.” Daryl laughs slightly, laying back down in the grass staring up at the stars.

“How’d you get up here?”

Y/N turns to Jesus as he found her on top of the trailer she’s currently living in. She smiles with a small laugh as she returns to looking at the stars.

“I’m not revealing my secrets”

“Well guess I ain’t sharing either cuz I think I know. Given I got up here” He laughs bringing himself to sit beside her staring up at the stars. “You thinking about that special someone?”

“Yeah. Hopefully he’s looking at the same set of stars as I am”

“Cheesy. But I like it” Jesus smiles laying back to look at the stars a bit better. “You know. Ever since you came here, you’ve been a big help with thriving the community. Maybe when this other half of yours comes by, he’s willing to also help”

“Maybe” Y/N smiles continuing to look at the stars, watching Jesus point out a shooting star.

“I bet I can guess yours and this guy’s wish”

I wish to see her again

I wish to see him again

________

As Daryl drives his truck into Y/N’s neighborhood, half expecting no activity at the hour he came by in. The other half expecting Y/N to be waiting for him on the curb. But once he turned into the cul-de-sac he was met with police sirens in front of her home. He decided to pretend he was just somebody using the road to turn around in but as he got slightly closer he noticed her mother sobbing and her father yelling at the cops they were talking to.

Even if they were abusive to the only person he cared about on the planet, Daryl couldn’t help but feel for them and realize.

Y/N chose one of her nuclear options.

It didn’t take him long to get to the lake house they would sneak off to to escape the world. Given he didn’t care for traffic laws. She didn’t have a car so that couldn’t give her away, the hue of little light they’d have from lanterns wasn’t noticeable, and honestly every sign he tried to come up with that would tell him she was there—-weren’t there.

“Y/N!” Daryl yells upon entering the place as he immediately went to the living room, then the outdoor porch, and even ran to the end of the dock. Not like it wasn’t obvious when someone would be there, but he went down the mental list of where the two hang out most.

Upon re-entering, Daryl finally noticed the little light coming from a small lantern in the kitchen. He quietly approaches it and the moment felt staged. The light hit a note written to the youngest Dixon as it was accompanied with one of those string friendship bracelets that he told Y/N a number of times that he would never wear it. But he ignored that for the time being and read the note.

I’m tired, D. I couldn’t take it anymore and I had to leave.

I love you and I’m sorry

Y/N

The tears came on strong, burning his eyes, and making him want to rub at his eyes until they stopped. But they never did.

She’s gone

________

Gone forever…huh

Jesus, of course, gets himself into trouble and especially with the main group that aren’t going to trust someone easily anymore. But with the promise of going to his community, came a road block of a few of his own getting into an accident.

“If this is another trick, hear for my whistle. And then shoot him” Rick tells Maggie watching her nod before entering the building first as the rest follow.

Leaving the two alone for a moment.

“I didn’t mean to get in trouble with your leader. My community just. Our leader got stuck in a predicament. Lost some people and supplies”

Maggie frowns lowering her weapon knowing internally he wasn’t going to do anything. Expect stand there with her, waiting for her group to help with part of his.

“You look tense. More than the start of the ride over”

“My best friend was in this group. She’s one of the only good fighters we’ve got…I’m just afraid that something worse happened to her after getting out of the crash. I made a promise to her. It will eat me alive if she died and I didn’t give the one thing she wanted out of years of knowing her”

“My family knows what they are doing”

Jesus turns to Maggie with a small smile and hoping even harder that nothing happened.

His people were simply hiding away for a moment, in hopes more of their own would come and get them. Thankful for the people that Jesus ran into.

“Come on, let’s go” Daryl tells one of his people as he held his hands up to him and Glenn but didn’t budge.

“I can’t leave without my friend. She got hurt in the crash” He nervously states watching the two look at each other for a moment but they knew they weren’t leaving without all Jesus’s people.

Abraham’s mind has been in a fog for a while that when he ran down the hall to take out a walker. He was met with a woman cowering slightly with his intense presence, especially when her life was almost met with an end.

“Sorry”

“It’s cool. I’m a. Used to it by now” Y/N’s body continued to shake as she was dealing with a bit of road rash and a head lac.

“Come on!”

No…

“Abraham, let’s go. Carry her out if she’s in shock” Glenn chimes on his way past following the man Y/N was currently fixated on the voice. Before Abraham could grab her, she immediately ran after the first voice she heard other than the man that almost killed her.

Once Y/N stepped out of the building, looking a bit like Carrie with the amount of blood on her. Most was hers. Other was…well, they are stuck in the crashed vehicle. Jesus instantly beamed.

“Oh thank fuck you’re okay Y/N”

Y/N. Wait a fucking minute Daryl quickly whipped his head toward the woman slowly and cautiously approaching him. She hasn’t really changed…except for a few more scars and her hair being longer. She was still his Y/N.

“I thought you were dead…after the first few years, I really thought you were—-“

“Daryl…I don’t. My adrenaline is fading…so it’s kind of really hard to…believe this is…real or another hallucination” Y/N stumbled a bit and before she completely collapsed, Daryl quickly caught her picking her up bridal style and going back to the RV to let Harlan take care of her with what he has.

Daryl’s eyes haven’t left Y/N’s person the entire ride back to the Hilltop. Of course the two reunite when something bad happens to one of them. But he knew she would pull through from this, she’s a fighter.

Once the RV reached the walls of the Hilltop, the group stepped out and followed Jesus inside as Daryl followed Harlan the entire time he picked up Y/N, got her out of the RV, and started to make his way to the infirmary trailer which he informed Glenn and Maggie about on the ride over. Part of Daryl stuck with his group but his mind was elsewhere when he entered the Barrington House. Expecting Jesus to point it out, Maggie did.

“Go to her, Daryl. We’ve got this much covered” Maggie tells him as his eyes looked over to Rick watching him nod. Not that he needed permission. But it was a new community to them. He also wanted to meet this leader…that was problematic all on his own.

Right as Daryl approached the trailer door, Harlan stepped out and quickly gave the archer a smile.

“Just the man I’m looking for. At least, by patient’s request”

“She’s awake?”

“Yeah and you were the first thing she asked about. She also made me make sure she wasn’t concussed…but she is a bit. So. Don’t pinch her if she asks “are you real?” or not. She’s taken more than just a head lac and road rash” Harlan warns mainly for them to be a bit careful with a more conscious reunion.

As the doctor stepped away from the trailer letting Daryl step in and stare at Y/N like he’s seen a ghost. She had the same stare toward him before breaking the silence.

“I really thought you died. But uh. Not until after a year in the outbreak”

“…why’d yea leave?” Daryl frowns, immediately touching that topic as he leaned against the adjacent wall from her seated position on the cot.

“I mean…we are adults. I shouldn’t have to sugarcoat anything to you”

“Did your dad hurt yea badly again? Or your mom? Is that why you left”

“Yes…and no. I was…heartbroken and dealing with more than just that. That I had to leave. I know now how selfish that can be given I could’ve just gone to you and we would’ve…I don’t know”

“We would’ve found a way out together” Daryl states avoiding the distance and sitting beside Y/N feeling her hand instantly rest on his knee as the look of relief in her face washed over her. He’s real. This isn’t you saying what you want to hear.

“My dad found out that I broke up with his best friend’s son, and the reason why I did…because I obviously didn’t love him or even liked him for the matter…” Y/N frowns keeping her eyes toward the ground to avoid his. “He…pulled my arm out of my socket when I tried to run away the first time. To avoid anything further, once I got it put back in…with an injured healing arm I got the fuck out of there. Couldn’t call you because I left my phone at home. Left everything he and my mother could find me with and just. Went West until I came back in hopes to talk to you…then the outbreak happened”

Daryl felt her hand tremble slightly as she pulls away but he carefully took said hand that was once on his leg and into his hand for her to squeeze.

“What was the reason…cuz yer old man would’ve just found another suitor”

“I was in love with my best friend” Her words hit him like a truck as he squeezed her hand carefully, feeling her other rest on top of their conjoined ones. “Of course he thought I was gay and I know his homophobic ass wouldn’t like that. But I corrected him. Because I wanted my family to know who my best friend was and how important he was to me that he stole my heart instantly…I was just too afraid to say anything until now”

“why didn’t you say anything sooner…or runaway to me?”

“When you go to the lake house, and hear your best friend in the throws with another woman.” Y/N felt the tears slowly fall off her cheeks as Daryl tried his best to ignore his threatening his waterline. “You didn’t want to tell him that you left for more than just your parents. You left because…you thought you would never be good enough for him”

“You’re good enough for me, you’re more than good enough” He scoffs. “I’ve always been in love with you, I was too coward to say anythin’”

“It’s been years…and you still do?…as much as me?”

“More even” Daryl lifted his head to look her in the eye as she knew she was crying but notice the stray tears that fell here and there from his own. “I never stopped looking for you. Only times I did was when I was runnin’ from the horrors of the old and new world. But you never left my mind. All I wanted was to be with you.”

“And here we are” Y/N sobbed pressing her forehead against his, feeling the cot shift when he brought himself closer wrapping his arm around her. She eventually brought both her arms around him moving her face to the crook of his neck as Daryl caged her in his embrace keeping mind of her injuries even if she first didn’t care about them.

“Please, don’t leave me again”

“I’m stuck to you like glue, D. I’m never leaving again”

[sarasade]

RIP all the weird posts about Viren & Aaravos that I kept in the drafts to protect everyone's sanity.

[bigtreefest]

I did the scary thing!!! 😇

[jonathanbyersphd]

Hi hello I was a very brave girl and cleaned my bathroom and also washed my dishes

[shakshukagirl]

I'm attending a lecture today despite the horrors

[miyamiwu]

Look who's procrastinating by starting the manga

I have an assignment due at 12pm tomorrow, as well as 2 separate long texts to read for class, yet here I am

[whatsmadreading]

How foolish of me to give you everything.

When in reality,

You deserve nothing.

[holymymolly]

I went to gym!!

[rollingwiththedead]

I did it by the skin of my teeth, but I did write a bio for dating apps.

[tatsuma-forever]

i just remembered that when i was like, 7, i’d go to school after going to therapy (thanks mom) and everyone would ask me why i came in late and i’d lie about being a secret agent💀

[shalom-iamcominghome]

You're anti-antisemitism because you know there are good jews who don't deserve antisemitism. I am anti-antisemitism because I know no jew deserves antisemitism. We are not the same.

(what you also don't know is that you aren't anti-antisemitism)

[tittyinfinity]

I just remembered that up until 5th grade, all of the sports teams I was in weren't separated by gender. I played basketball and baseball with boys. And we did just fine.

It wasn't until 6th grade when they segregated it by gender. It didn't make sense to me. I was now in softball instead of baseball, because "softball is for girls" and "baseball is for boys" (which confused me bc my dad was on an adult softball team).

Now, my brother's all-male team didn't win a single game. My all-girls team won every single one.

They presented the boys' team with this HUGE trophy, and if you wanted replicas of it, they were $30 each.

My team was presented with a very small trophy. Extras were $5.

That's when I decided gender-segregated sports were bullshit.

[too-many-lavellans]

Von can be nice, too - when he wants to be

(please don’t tag/comment with your inquisitor, thanks)

[h1tmanmode]

AND MORE LOOPS because i <3 drawing them. they are my muse. my love

[mintjeru]

i may be less normal about yudrain than i previously thought reference for the text on hope under the cut

open for better quality | no reposts

[ef-1]

Twitter is mad at Daniel again because they caught on to that CH interview about Daniel being offered the same contract as Max, icl I'm also bitter about it. I wish he wasn't so rash in 2018

It's easy to be bitter in hindsight but the reality is more nuanced, had it not been recorded and internationally broadcast, what happened to Daniel in 2018 would be flat out unbelievable by ANY standard lol. Daniel had mechanical issues in every. single. weekend in 2018 <- this is not a hyperbole or a joke (more on this later). He ran multiple races with a b spec engine -> 20 bhp down on Max. At no point in 2018 did Max run a lower engine power than Daniel. Daniel incurred 8 dnfs, 4 back of the grid starts for mechanical issues and 6 grid drops in total where as Max had *1*[one]. This isn't even accounting for failures in quali or free practice that would have compromised his set up or race prep. Daniel's car accounted for 92% of Red Bull failures in comparison to Max's 8%.

Christian's cunty "he ran from a fight" comment stung particularly hard because it was Christian who made MULTIPLE public apologies to Daniel in 2018 on the ground that he wasn't given a chance to compete. Christian would apologise to Daniel again when Max won in Mexico, even though Daniel had an uncharacteristic outburst in the media pen during that famous "The car is cursed. I can't wait to give it to Pierre" This isn't even diving into the dubious & predatory RB contract practices. At 28 years old, to quote Christian "It's the first time he's effectively a free agent."

You look back at it now and lament it as a bad call but even by Christian's admission Red Bull were on the verge of selling the team for 4 years. Honda was coming in, I know it's easy to praise Honda now but Honda single handedly sent Alonso into early retirement. He found working with them untenable + said it cost him his love for the sport. Those were the lingering images of Honda as they re-entered the sport, the team who electrocuted Alonso then bled his love for racing dry.

If you weren't around in 2018 let me give you a run down so horrific it looks like a joke:

Australia - Race: 3 Place grid penalty

Bahrain - Race: DNF - Battery Failure

China - Free Practice 3: Gear box issue with complete engine turbo failure. Misses FP3 entirely, no quali set up prepared. He would go on to win that race from p6

Baku - Race: DNF - Collision with Max. Racing incident.

Monaco - Race: partial MGU-K failure. He would go on to win that race with drastic loss of power.

Canada - Free Practice 2 - Power unit issue, misses majority of the session.

France - Race: front wing failure. (it disintegrated)

Austria - Race: DNF - Retires from p3 with MGU-k Failure

Britain - Quali: DRS failure. No DRS activation, still qualifies p6 behind Max in p5

Germany - Race: Back of grid start + DNF - Takes new engine for the weekend, starts p19 + has lower power spec A ICE approximately 20 BHP down on B spec that Max was running. Daniel climbed upto p5 from p19 but incurs a MGU-k failure and retires.

Hungary - Race: Daniel is forced to run lower power spec A ICE again, 20 BHP down on B spec that Max was running

Spa - Free Practice 1 + DNF: Daniel misses entire session with engine injector issue + Daniel would go on to retire after being driven into on lap 1.

Monza - Race: Back of grid start + DNF. Daniel takes another new engine for weekend (spec C) and incurs another full grid penalty, starts p19. Daniel would go on to climb to p6 before having clutch failure and retiring.

Singapore - Race + Quali + Free practice: During every session in Singapore Daniel has an unresolved spec C engine clipping issue that Red Bull can't fix.

Russia - Race + Free Practice 1 - Daniel misses FP1 due to mechanical issues. Daniel takes another engine penalty, starts p18

Japan - Race + Quali: Daniel incurs throttle actuator failure, misses quali, another back of grid start.

USA - Race: DNF - Battery Failure

Mexico - Race: DNF - clutch Bearing failure + start software clutch issue. Daniel retires the race from P2

Brazil - Race: Daniel takes a 5 Place grid penalty due to new turbo charger replacement. Starts in p11.

Abu Dhabi - Free Practice 3: Misses majority of FP3 with water leak.

Daniel's insanely vulnerable "if racing was the only thing making me happy this year, I would have been miserable" during the last on the sofa with Max was a v apt summary of 2018. To suggest that Daniel fucked up based on the information he had in 2018, namely Daniel undergoing all those problems + knowing RB was flirting with selling the team + Helmut's fuckery + having an out from the RB umbrella for the first time in his career? Your problem isn't with his decision making process, you just wish he was clairvoyant which is an unfair thing to be bitter about