#I crave companionship
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back to the dating app 🚶
#got inspired to try it again 🙄#i have a date semi planned now and all of the women in portland are obsessed w me or whatever#bc i like love and dating ppl but i keep falling in love with friends and it HAS NOT ENDED WELL ONCE so maybe stop it you dumbass#(this may be caused by the fact i’ve gotten my hopes up a bit abt a friend of mine but i should NOT… unless…)#i crave companionship#and am#also so scared all the time i’m soooooososcaredddd rn#why can’t everyone just love me all the time#must be my personality bc i’m like really hot rn#also me swiping on ppl just looking for hookups them matching and just 😳 i do not know if i’m at a point in my life where i am confident eno#ugh to do that 😳#as previously stated i’m so so scared#idk i’m conflicted and need to over share about it#idk will continue flirting w that one friend tho#even though flirting with eachother is an ongoing joke in this friend group so i don’t think she would take it seriously lmao#was telling my dear good pal to come over and suck my fingers yesterday like that’s just how it is#anyway she’s cool and makes childrens books and stories and loves dinasours and is tall and can jump really high#we got drunk together at my friends bday and bonded and it was SO CUTE#also she cries a lot when she’s high but doesn’t notice (she’s not even sad there’s just tears lol)#ruh roh just typed that all out and realized it seems like i’m obsessed w her 😳#going to hit my head on a wall okay goodnight
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I went on a boardgame kick some years ago but I have no one to play them with
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I’m so lonely man.
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Is it really an enemies to lovers ship if there isn't a moment of one of the characters expressing that if only they knew each other earlier or could meet again in some other way? Because surely if fate had only dealt them a kinder hand, they would have been friends.
#and then it's a matter from there of either changing the narrative they've been thrust into or getting tragically torn apart#without getting to keep that companionship they crave#ANYWAY this was brought on by#tsukasen#but also#sherliam#shuake#lawlight#(2015 drama Lawlight aka my favourite Lawlight had this)#Literally why does every enemies to lovers ship I like have a variation of this quote#'we could have been best friends in another life btw if you even care'#my posts
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Sometimes Tango sees gold. He's deep in the Warden's den, so surely everything is soaked in blue and green.
Prussian blue. DePrussian blue. Like depression. Eh? Good one, right?
Tango sighs. The gold only flits in the corner of his vision and he's tired, he's endlessly tired but he can't leave until he's done. It's already been so long. He's stuck making shitty jokes to haunted faces that would sooner blastificate his face off than laugh.
But the gold. It's like stardust on his tongue. Memories of hellfire. Gorgeous gilded blackstone, the stuff from his days as a blazeling. No, more like dandelions, like sunbeams through forest branches.
Tango sticks his tongue out in concentration, hopping between crackling soulfires. Navigating his own maze requires skill! Skill that he doesn't always have, admittedly.
Releasing a quiet sigh of relief, Tango approaches an unfinished pillar. He twirls his pickaxe and gets to work. Shulker boxes surround him in short order.
So focused on his work, he misses the gold. He misses the yellow, the soft, the scorching, but it draws near all the same, getting closer and closer-
"Ah! Ow, ow, ow, ow," a voice yelps.
Tango screams, fumbling with his pickaxe and building blocks. Both fall to the ground as Tango whirls, nobody's supposed to be here, especially not-
"Jimmy?"
Jimmy sadly stomps his wing out. Black marks mar the feathers, ugly soot staining the gold. "Hi, Tango."
"What are you... How are you here? What are you doing here? You're - you're on Hermitcraft!" Tango gapes.
"Oh, um, crossover event?" Jimmy tries.
"I didn't think there was one of those right now," Tango says. He roots around in his many pockets, making a small happy noise when he finds his comm. He boots it up and peers at the list of people online.
Strangely, Jimmy's the only non-hermit. Tango scrolls through a few lines of Jimmy-Skizz banter, then sees Grian's message of a simple, "join vc".
"Grian got you on?" Tango says, still mystified.
"No, it was more of a group - Tango, quit distracting me! I trudged through all this - this hullabaloo to see you!" Jimmy punctuates this with hands placed determinedly on hips, expression set to a hopeful scowl.
Tango can't make heads or tails of it. It might have to do with the several shots of espresso coursing through his system. Or the lack of sleep. Or the concentration-fatigue, or the way his eyes have been going crossed when he peers at redstone wiring. Any number of reasons, really.
"...why?" Tango finally asks.
This stumps Jimmy. He blinks a few times and furrows his eyebrows. "Why? What d'you mean why? You're my rancher, that's why!"
Well, that's true. Tango nods. Then he paused, frowns, and shakes his head. "Wait, you can't be down here! Spoilers, Jimmy, spoilers!"
Jimmy snaps his fingers. "I'm not a hermit! And I'm certainly going to watch the videos when hermits release them. I won't spill!"
"I guess..."
"But anyway, let's get out of here. It's so stuffy and - fiery," Jimmy says. He flutters his burnt wing helpfully.
Tango wilts. His desire to see Jimmy and guilt at causing him harm wars with his ever-present need to keep working. "I'm busy, Jim. Gotta keep working. It's already been so long, the hermits are getting antsy..."
Jimmy invades his space and as the cavern trickles to silence, he wraps his arms and wings around him.
Tango's always been weak for him. He exhales. Any scrap of energy still clinging to his worn-out body vanishes, and he rocks further into Jimmy's hold.
To his credit, Jimmy just makes a small noise and adjusts so he can support his weight.
"Come on, then," Jimmy says softly. He runs his fingers through his hair. "Let's go take a rest, yeah?"
"Yeah, okay," Tango breathes. He closes his eyes and sinks into Jimmy's warmth. It's rather terrible of his fellow hermits, he thinks absentmindedly. Using his rancher for such nefarious means.
But now the glimpses of gold haunt him no longer. His precious yellow fills Tango's vision, covering him in head to toe with deep contentment.
His rancher. His rancher. Tango smiles, and everything glitters.
#every goddamn thing i write is filled with unimaginable yearning. shrug.#FOR THE BEGINNING: Tango's seeing things hes hallucinating and exhausted. hes craving the companionship of his rancher!!#team rancher#womp womp#NINES. (POINTS) THIS IS FOR YOU!!!!!!!#unedited literally didnt read it over before posting so typos and odd phrasing r added spice#my snippets
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can’t believe Armand saw Louis say “I’m going to marry Armand even though I hate him just to spite you and I will be with him for the rest of my life as long as it makes you miserable.” to Lestat right in front of him, and thought yes this is a positive outcome for me. Louis and I will have a happy healthy marriage I will invest the next 70 years of my life trying to make this work.
#what a man#not an ounce of self respect#loumand#iwtv#I think a fundamental aspect of Armand’s character is that he doesn’t want to be alone he craves love but also has no benchmark#of what love feels like#like Lestat he fears being alone more than anything which is why he sold out louis#he thought that at least if lost Louis he would still have the companionship of the coven even if they hated him and treated him like a dog
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what do you think dros was thinking when he first saw the phasmid? was he experiencing wonder; serenity? did he feel the world was still playing sick tricks on him: did he believe he was going insane from isolation and this was one of the symptoms? was it helplessness - that even though this miracle of nature stood before him, his beliefs prevented him from telling anyone about it? did the phasmid stand over iosef, watching him watch martinaise through his scope? did he feel her eyes on him for hours, until he forgot the eyes and the pheromones burnt a hole in his brain where she used to be? is he in a kind of grief over her absence in his head? is it a coincidence that the character who is most unable to move on from his past is on an island where the only other living being tells the player to turn from the ruin and move forward? that the most self-appraisingly noble and hopeless of causes has looked at the future for too long, and it is destroying him...
#this too is yuri#i find it funny and heartbreaking. maybe he did love the bug - in a way.#companionship. he never shot it. it just stood there and watched him until his mind eroded...#also? the sorrow in her voice when she tells you this?#she cared for him in a way that the future might take pity on the past. but ultimately it washes away.#into the wild pale yonder. because the people of the present cannot dwell unless they crave stagnation#and the other two stagnated men - stagnated socially; financially; ideologically; occupationally - capture a piece of something beautiful#while the man who sat and dwelled until that miracle next to him dissolved into mundane fractures falls apart himself in grief#and confusion. the world truly has no place for him anymore.#in other words:#get stickbugged#<- that is their ship name now#txt#disco elysium#insulindian phasmid#iosef dros
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took myself on a little shopping trip yesterday in the city where i used to study in hopes of lifting my spirits but by the end of the day i felt so disheartened. wandering the same streets 10 years later and not much has changed. i’m still the same lonely unlovable girl.
#i just wanted to have a good time and not rot in bed for once on my work free weekend but of course my brain can’t let that happen#it was such a lovely day actually the weather was sunny and windy it wasn’t too hot or cold ideal weather to stroll through the city#i had delicious food and found some comfortable clothes but at the end of the day i just felt so empty and worn out#seeing all these couples and friend groups and families and i’m still all by myself after so many years#tbh i’m even lonelier now than i was 10 years ago back then i at least had a few friends#idk what i’m doing with my life tbh.. i just want to be happy but even when i take myself on a cute little date i end up feeling miserable#bc it just hits me how truly lonely i am#i fear i’m incapable of forming any genuine relationships anymore bc i had so many bad experiences that i just stopped trying to connect..#with anyone.. even though i crave community friendship companionship and love i completely shut myself off from the world#i’m not even sure what i’m trying to say with all this.. i wish i knew how to be a person in this world#i wish i could be happy#tbh ever since i got back from my italy vacation i’ve been feeling depressed bc life could be so beautiful if i didn’t have to sacrifice..#almost all of my time for work#the post vacation depression is too real…#realizing you can only spend a very limited time traveling and enjoying yourself bc you have to work most of the time just to afford living#let me stop.. i keep rambling and my thoughts are falling like a waterfall#idk what’s wrong with me… i should have breakfast and put my phone away#sorry to anyone who actually reads all this word vomit#☁️
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grey's post abt wrio being a family man is messing me up actually i love his father/son/daughter relationship with niko and sige sm its making me insane insane
#a little big private info but like#i have daddy issues lmao#and my mom is like not here most of my life so i do crave companionship#so this is extremely healing auaguahuah#i love plat yume lemme cry about it#.txt#prob dlt ltr if i feel embarrassed enough auaguag
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like MAYBE i am annoying and a reeeeeally tough nut to crack but i am full of love and want to hang </3 i'm just guarded and independent
#learned independence from having to grow up faster than a lot of people my age and struggling to make friends as a kid#LIKE WAAAAAAAAAAAH#like realizing i actually deeply crave romantic companionship sent me on a spiral fr cause i rly just avoided it to avoid getting hurt lol
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Doing my part in contributing to Moon Knight trending by reminding everyone that Steven called Marc ‘bloody handsome’ and Marc saved Steven by putting his literal heart !!! in his hand !!!!! after giving up literal paradise because the peace Marc craved all season wasn’t worth it to him if he couldnt be with Steven!!!
Moon knight is a love story 🤍🤍
#and the show ended with them in bed together as a love song played as their outro!!!#Steven craved love and companionship and adventure and he got that all from Marc!!!#he went from i to we!!!!#Marcsteven#moon knight
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The Blue Caftan (2022)
#she watches#the blue caftan#le bleu du caftan#maryam touzani#lubna azabal#saleh bakri#ayoub missioui#a bittersweet queer movie about love and acceptance#I've rarely seen so much empathy on screen#the characters are so strong and yet so very soft with each other#they respect and care so much for each other#a form of companionship I crave#the summary undersold it honestly#the cast is stunning and so is their alchemy together#also the mastery behind making caftan is crazy and beautifully filmed#also I love hands and the way they're portrayed and here they did and showed so much it was really amazing#it's a slow movie like the making of a caftan like their little quiet life despite all their secrets#because of the topic and the country the whole thing is pretty subtle and it kinda enhances everything#you must watch it in arabic
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my solitude is everything to me.
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Oh to be bed ridden with a future lover in our ecologically sustainable mud house with a self sustaining farm.
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#personal#manifesting#i hate capitalism#I want to isolate myself#I want to be alone#I don’t even want this post to be romantic I’m just craving companionship#mud house#adobe#yurt#tiny house#tiny home
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pretty girls should not have to spend their saturday evenings alone !!!!!
#i wish i could socially function like a normal human being lol#i hate being an introvert who also desperately craves companionship but does absolutely nothing about it
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it feels stupid how consistently distracting loneliness is
#i sit down to work and it takes like five minutes for me to feel like i'm drowning in myself#i genuinely can't focus#i feel pathetic honestly#like this is a common issue#on the daily i will go to do things#and just#not?#because i'm just so overtaken by a craving for companionship and affection#like i have a whole essay to finish right now#my bones are tired#i just. need. to .work.#just focus#but i feel like i can't#like legitimately all i want these days is companionship#i honestly feel so very adrift in so many things#i don't really know where i'm going with my life#and the day to day is so heavy#and i'm just so isolated#i want someone to love#i feel selfish sometimes#i'm not owed company. or affection. or loyalty.#but i want it#i want someone to want to be with me#i want to laugh with them and give them things that i know they will like#maybe that's too fictional#i've heard that these sort of friendships and things are fictional#i don't know#i'm just. i just feel so alone#boink
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