#tbh ever since i got back from my italy vacation i’ve been feeling depressed bc life could be so beautiful if i didn’t have to sacrifice..

[cheekblush]

took myself on a little shopping trip yesterday in the city where i used to study in hopes of lifting my spirits but by the end of the day i felt so disheartened. wandering the same streets 10 years later and not much has changed. i’m still the same lonely unlovable girl.

[for-those-on-my-mind]

Tag

I got tagged by the beautiful @morkleek​ to do this tag, thank you <3

---

rules: answer all 85 questions then tag 20 people

♡ Last…? ♡

Drink - water

Phone call - my sister

Text message - “är min laddare på ditt rum” aannnd for all my non-swedish followers that means “is my charger on your room” to my sister

Song you listened to - Dancing in the moonlight - Toploader <3 <3 <3

Time you cried - I’m actually crying now hahaha it’s nothing big but my sister asked me earlier today if she and her friend could come home and pick something up but they’ve been here like 3 hours and my sister borrowed my charger and didn’t want to give it back and my dad ordered sushi so i forced myself to go downstairs but my social anxiety just went ahjldfhasdkjshadolk ahahhh ha so yeah thats why im doing this tag so i won’t do anything else stupid

♡ Ever…? ♡

6. Dated someone twice - noo

7. Kissed someone and regretted it  - no

8. Been cheated on - nah

9. Lost someone special - yeah

10. Been depressed - damn yeah but i actually got discharged from the hospital yesterday! progress ... i think 

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up - nah ain’t about that life

12. Fave colors - yellow and black

♡ In the last year have you… ♡

15. Made new friends - yes!!

16. Fallen out of love - hmmm no

17. Laughed until you cried - yeS

18. Found out someone was talking about you - yeah

19. Met someone who changed you - absolutely!

20. Found out who your friends are - i guess?

21. Kissed someone on your FB friend list - noo

♡ General ♡

22. How many FB friends do you have irl - all of them

23. Do you have any pets? - no but i want a cat :(

24. Do you want to change your name - YES

25. What did you do for your last bday - ehh nothing i don’t really celebrate my birthday

26. What time did you wake up today - 10 i think?

27. What were you doing at midnight last night? - what did i do???? maybe i played hayday

28. What is something you can’t wait for - when i’ll recover from my trauma and get help for my anxiety and yes trauma again and and!!!! i want to become a nurse and work in ... the frick is it called in english???? child and adolescent psychiatry? that’s like my biggest dream right now!!

30. What are you listening to right now - go or go ahead - rufus wainwright

31. Have you ever talked to a person named tom? - ehh idk???

32. Something that gets on your nerves - UGHHHH politics

33. Mosted visited sites - viaplay and netflix and youtube

34. Hair color - it was brown but now back to blonde!!!!

35. Long or short hair -to like my collarbone?

36. Do you have a crush on someone - oh my goD OH MY GOD NOT ACCORDING TO ME BUT ACCORDING TO MANY MANY OTHER PEOPLE

37. What do you like about yourself  - eh

38. Want any piercings? - i’m going to pierce my ears on wednesday!!

39. Blood type - i want to know but the only way to find out here is if you donate blood but i can’t bc of my meds :(

40. Nicknames - becka

41. Relationship status - gosh i just came out of the hospital what did you expect i only lose friends

42. Zodiac - sagittarius or now how tghe fuck you spell it in english

43. Pronouns - she/her

44. Fav tv shows - HANNIBAL!!!!

45. Tattoos - I WANT ONE AND I THINK I’LL GET ONE THIS SUMMER OR THIS FALL, the symbol for sagittarius is an arrow and i want to get a tattoo of one under my ankle!! and i’m thinking about another tattoo on my left collarbone with the text “dancing in the moonlight” since my favorite song since like forever is dancing in the moonlight but i’m not sure what if i get tired on that song??? which i don’t think will happen but you never know?

46. Right or left handed - left

47. Ever had surgery - uhhhh once

48. Piercings - soon my ears

49. Sport - well i worked with horses a lot but it’s been hard to keep up when i’ve been admitted to the hospital so much

50. Vacations - uh i went to england a few years ago and i want to go to like france and italy and maybe to canada and the us if trump can stop being the president man he’s scary

51. Trainers - ??? shoes??? trains??? coach??

♡ More general ♡

52. Eating - i ate subway today <3 <3 <3 and sushi and it was quite good but i wish i wouldn’t have eaten it bc maybe i could have missed out on that lovely panic attack

53. Drinking - water

54. I’m about to watch - idk a movie??? disney movie??? i want to rewatch coco again BC OH MY GOSH <3 <3 <3

55. Waiting for….. - to feel better :) and maybe i can go downtown tomorrow and eat subway again hahaahaha who am i

56. Want…. - to become a nurse!!!!! and to work a little and go to school a little

57. Get married -YES but mostly because i want children but i need to find someone i like too .. and who likes me ... yikes

58. Career - NURSE!

♡ Which is better ♡

59. Hugs or kisses - hugs!

60. Lips or eyes - EYES

61. Short or taller - well i’m pretty short myself so please dont be too tall

62. Older or younger -to date or to be friends with? to date i want someone older (i mean older. OLDER... it might be a problem...)  but if friends it doesnt matter!!!! everyone is welcome to get to know me

63. Nice arms or stomach - it doesnt matter to me but please just be alive

64. Hookup or relationship - relationship

65. Troublemaker or hesitant - idk

♡ Have you ever ♡

66. Kissed a stranger - nah

67. Drank hard liquor - not my thing

68. Lost glasses - no

69. Turned someone down - yeah

70. Sex on first date - no

71. Broken someone’s heart - yes :(( but that person deserved it tbh

72. Had your heart broken - idk???

73. Been arrested - no

74. Cried when someone died - yeah

75. Fallen for a friend - yEAH KINDA but we don’t speak anymore so whatever but oh my god... i saw that person a few months ago when i was at subway... ofcourse ... and he walked by??????? and LOOKED SO GOOD AND WAS SO COOL BUT DID HE SEE ME AND IGNORE ME OR DIDN’T HE JUST SEE ME???

♡ Do you believe in…? ♡

76. Yourself? - nah mate

77. Miracles - no

78. Love at first sight - no.

79. Santa claus - no

80. Kiss on first date - idk

81. Angels - hmmm

♡ Other ♡

82. Best friend’s name - oh i dont want to expose anyone :(

83. Eye color - forest green

84. Fave movie - COCO <3 handsome devil <3 hannibal <3

85. Fave actor - ASFHOKWELDSJFDKL ANDREW SCOTT

yes... thats it!! and... i dont have anyone to tag :(

[wafflesandsyrup]

About Me~

“tagged” by @vontacompton.

My Last:

1: Drink: Water, but maybe wine by the time this post is through. 2: Phone Call: @catneepx, an angel. 3: Text Message: Mom! 4: Song You Listened To: “Doesn’t Remind Me” by Audioslave 5: Time You Cried: Like five minutes ago. Not even an exaggeration, I cry over everything, and it’s triggered by every emotion. This time it was because I watched The Iron Giant for the millionth time.

Have You Ever:

9: Lost Someone Special: Yeah boi 10: Been Depressed: Yeahhhhhh boiiiiii 11: Gotten Drunk And Thrown Up: Once! I can’t even think of drinking a gin and tonic anymore. But I took it like a champ. It was super funny then and now, lmao. 12: Three Favorite Colors: Red, Blue, and Gray/Black tbh

In The Last Year Have You:

13: Made New Friends: Yes! More before I moved, but I have made a handful of friends recently. 14: Fallen Out Of Love: Nope! 15: Laughed Until You Cried: Absolutely. 16: Found Out Someone Was Talking About You: lol yeah 17: Met Someone Who Changed You: I don’t think so! I’m usually who changes myself. I don’t think I have ever changed because of someone else. 18: Found Out Who Your Friends Are: For sure. I don’t tolerate disrespect or pettiness lmao 19: Kissed Someone On Your Facebook list: My husband, so yes! 20: How Many Of Your Facebook Friends Do You Know In Real Life: All of them, even if I knew them briefly. 21: Do You Have Any Pets: I have a dog! Back in MO, I have another dog and a cat, who I miss a shit ton. 22: Do You Want To Change Your Name: No, though it was hard to let go of my last name when I got married. I’ll always hyphenate it on unofficial documents lmfao. My new one is pretty unusual, though. 23: What Did You Do For Your Last Birthday: I made a booze cake and drank at home, since Brendan won’t be 21 until October and I had no other friends in WA lol. 24: What Time Did You wake Up: 9:30 25: What Were You Doing At Midnight Last Night: Playing Skyrim 26: Name Something You Can’t wait For: I can’t wait to visit home in July, for the short term, and I can’t wait to achieve my goal of being a forensic nurse. 27: When Was The Last Time You saw Your Mom: November. I miss her so much. I am her number one fan. I’ll talk about my mom to everyone, she’s so smart, funny and pretty! 28: What Are You Listening To Right Now: Chopin’s “Ballade No.1 in G minor, Op.23″-- I’m planning on learning this on the piano soon, and I grew especially attached to it after watching Your Lie in April tbh.  29: Have You Ever Talked To A Person Named Tom: Actually, no. 

General:

30: Something That Is Getting On Your Nerves: Boredom tbh, but that’s nothing new. My inability to relax, too! I just want restful sleep god dammit. 31: Most Visited Website: YouTube probs 32: Hair Color: Dirty blonde?? Light brown maybe?? some copper is in there too?????????? Idk anymore. 33: Long Or Short Hair: Short right now, though I want to have medium-length hair for a while before having long hair again.  34: Do You Have A Crush On Someone: I’m married, so I obviously do lmfao. 35: What Do You Like About Yourself: I like my personality-- I like making people laugh and how I look on the bright side of life (since I used to be a real big whiny pussybitch). 36: Piercings: Ears 37: Blood Type: Ok i’m gonna be fr I have no idea what my blood type is so if i need blood immediately i’m fucked 38: Nickname: Syrup! 39: Relationship Status: Married to my fav human. 40: Zodiac Sign: Capricorn 41: Pronouns: She/her 42: Favorite TV Show: the X-Files, though I also like Parks and Rec. 44: Right Or Left Handed: Right 45: Surgery: I got my tonsils removed as a kid (super shit) and my wisdom teeth removed (also suuuuuper shit). Once I am done losing weight, I’m going to have a breast reduction because this shit is out of control. 46: Sport: Softball/baseball 47: Vacation: I would like to visit Europe (particularly Ireland, England, Germany, and Italy) and Japan, China, and Korea. In the US I would like to visit each state at some point. 48: Pair of trainers/Sneakers or Tennis Shoes: I call them tennis shoes, and I have a nice black pair of running shoes which are super comfy.

More General:

49: Eating: an apple lol 50: Drinking: wine 51: I’m About To: fold laundry and play more Skyrim, probably, maybe, hopefully. 52: Waiting For: Death to Take Its Inevitable Toll on my Flesh Prison 53: Want: hugs, friends, to be able to eat like a fat piece of shit w/o being a fat piece of shit lmfao help 54: Get Married: check 55: Career: I want to be a forensic nurse. I love working with the human body, always have, and I have always been fascinated with the forensic industry. I’ve wanted to do something that makes me happy and does something to get justice for people who have been hurt, and the moment I decided upon this career path I felt like everything finally made sense. A huge weight left my shoulders, that’s for sure.

Which Is Better:

56: Hugs Or Kisses: Hugs! I love hugging. I hug everyone bc I have a lot of platonic love to give every single person. 57: Lips Or Eyes: yo’ peepers! 58: Shorter Or Taller: I’d say similar height or taller because I am incredibly short, but personality is what seals the deal for me in the end. 59: Older Or Younger: about the same age, give or take a year (since my husband is about a year younger than me), or older. I wouldn’t be able to stand someone all that much younger than me if we’re being honest here lmfao 60: Nice Arms Or Nice Stomach: Stomach?????? 61: Hook Up Or Relationship: Relationship, for the other person’s sake. I’m too much of a goof for hooking up and I’d make someone feel insecure for cracking a joke in the middle of some sort of sexual encounter. It is literally impossible for me to take sex seriously. Also, I just prefer the companionship part of relationships over the physical. 62: Troublemaker Or Hesitant: Troublemaker, but not like... a felon or anything. Just goofy, without shame, and kind of annoying. Like me. But being reasonable when appropriate is important, too.

Have You Ever:

63: Kissed A Stranger: Yeahhhhhhh, immediate regret (cigarette mouth!). 64: Drank Hard Liquor: ya 65: Lost Glasses/Contact Lenses: every gd day dawg. and it’s partially because in order to find my glasses I need my glasses to see them. 66: Turned Someone Down: hoooooooo boy, yes, yes, yes. 68: Broken Someones Heart: HOOOOOOOOO boy, yes. I was always caught off guard by it, because I never see someone as potential relationship material, but always as bff material, until they make it explicitly clear. It just wouldn’t feel right to assume they may have a thing for me. So, most of my friends in life have been guys, and I have had to deal with a lot of uncomfortable confessions and rejection from said pals. I hate hurting people, and they’re often very hurt by my rejection, and I end up losing friends over it. I don’t even like thinking about it lol. 69: Had Your Heart Broken: Yup! Abusively and tragically. Some Carrie shit, haha. It doesn’t impact me now, except for making me angry. 70: Been Arrested: I’m a straight edge dude. 71: Cried When Someone Died: Duh 72: Fallen For A Friend: I can’t fall for someone unless we are friends, so yes! Brendan was my BFF for a while until he told my oblivious ass he wanted to date me.

Do You Believe In:

73: Yourself: Yes! The only person you can always depend upon, no matter what, is yourself. 74: Miracles: hmmmm, maybe. I’ll say yes, but my skeptical mind will always question. 75: Love At First Sight: Attraction at first sight, maybe. I believe in friendship at first sight, if we’re being honest. I see someone and just get this feeling that we could be awesome friends. Love is something much more deep rooted for me. 76: Santa Claus: I believe in My Dad 78: Angels: I’m not sure. I’m open to the possibility, due to the limitations set by existing as a human, but I’m not Christian or anything. I feel like there’s “something” out there, but I’m just a dumb human and will likely never be able to know for sure. I think human beings can be deemed angels.

Other:

79: Current Best Friend’s Name: Casi/Stephanie (I love them both so much my dudes). 80: Eye Color: Green/Hazel (more green than hazel tho-- it’s really cool because i have a fleck of gold in one of my irises, and my grandma has the same fleck of gold) 81: Favorite Movie: I couldn’t narrow it down to one. I love the LOTR movies, The Sixth Sense, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Spirited Away, Saving Private Ryan...... the list goes on forever. My family has always been a big movie family.

im not tagging anyone lol

[meiqis-wife]

get to know me tag

hi everyone!!!

i was tagged by the lovely jade ( @lgbtluna ), thank you so so much for tagging me!!!

rules: answer the questions and tag 20 blogs you’d like to get to know better!

1. nicknames: kenzie

2. gender: girl

3. star sign: pisces

4. height: 165 cm (5′5″)

5. time: started 20:35, ended 21:23

6. birthday: march 12

7. favorite bands: stellar, bts, dal shabet, 9muses, 1D, exo

8. favorite solo artists: lim kim, hyosung, hyuna, dean, does kim lip count???

9. song stuck in my head: signal by twice, which is hilarious bc I am... not a fan of that song lol

10. last movie i watched: the force awakens

11. last show i watched: stranger things

12. when did i create my blog:  created my main blog on jan 5, 2014, (I was 14 lol) and this blog july 10, 2015 

13. what do i post:  bts, girl groups, exo

14. last thing i googled: “lapras weakness” (I was battling Red in SoulSilver lol... i won...)

15. do you have other blogs?: yeah, my main blog is @gayer-than-planned!! i’m a lot more active there than I am here

16. do you get asks?: lol no

17. why did you choose your url?: originally it was the-alpaca-acquaintances bc i just needed a blog name but I changed to to meiqis-wife when I got into wjsn bc meiqi is my beautiful, adorable wife and i love her lots and she deserves everything in the world wow im really gay

18. favorite colors: light pink

19. average hours of sleep: hahaha um well even when i’m in school I don’t get a consistent amount of sleep so anywhere between 5-7 hrs and 9-11 hrs depending on my schedule and shit... i have a really unhealthy sleep schedule it pisses my mom off bc I'm constantly napping...

20. lucky number: 15

21. instruments: basics of clarinet (kinda I haven’t played in 8 years), timpani, cymbals, other auxillary percussion, bass drum

22. what am i wearing: yoga pants and sweatshirt

23. how many blankets i sleep with?: normally 2

24. dream job: panda vet

25. dream trip: shit that's  a tie between paris, Greece (I want to honeymoon in Greece) and Italy (planning on studying abroad in rome currently we’ll see how that goes)

26. ethnicity: white

27. favorite song right now: pied piper by bts

28. put your music library on shuffle. first 6 songs that popped up?:

I have English music on apple music or whatever the app is called and my kpop stuff on Spotify so i’ll do both I guess??

english music: blank space by taylor swift, up and down by shinee (oops I lied but I swear I only have like 3 kpop songs that I've actually paid for), don’t threaten me with a good time by p!atd, diet mountain dew by lana del rey, killer in the home by adam and the ants, lowlife by poppy

kpop music: lucky one (Chinese vers bc I am a S L U T for exo m) by exo, monster by exo, playing with fire by blackpink, sentimental by winner (a fucking bop), talk talk by snsd (the one from IGAB not Lion Heart), whistle by blackpink

29. grab a book nearest to you and turn to page 23. what is line 17?: “... majority was attracted to the policies of the Left, which demanded com-” king of spies, by blaine harden

30. who is your celebrity crush?: oh wow there’s so many I mean daisy ridley for one, I also have a massive soft spot for yoongi and hyuna

31. do you drive? if so, have you ever crashed?: yeah i drive, I've had my license for 2.5 years, and it depends on what u mean by crash... I kissed bumpers with a car once but the other driver didn’t evne file a claim so

32. the last book you read: asjkdjaklsjd i haven’t read a book in so long... I think a clockwork orange??

33. worst injury you’ve had: definitely my knee(s), the dude i saw dismissed it as growing pain (which is such bullshit) but I was still doing taekwondo really intensely so to compensate i put too much stress on my right knee and now that one’s been giving me trouble lately... my hip is also an issue, there’s nothing worse than walking around a hilly campus when every step feels like there’s a knife wedged hip lol

34. do you have any obsessions right now?: if you count kpop as an obsession... otherwise I guess photography?? i just got a pentax k1000 for Christmas so i’m gonna start taking photos again but tbh my depression has slowly been taking all my interests away from me... if i had been asked this 2 years ago i would have said reasing but now i have like 20 unread books sitting by my bedside bc i just have no interest in reading anymore it’s really sad

35. do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?: lol yeahhhh it’s something i’m working on... like i know it’s really unhealthy to be hanging onto grudges but sometimes i just can’t help it

 i don’t have 20 blogs to tag so i’m gonna tag @merumalade, @immaletyoufinsihbutonew, @deathbypcy, and whoever else wants to do it!!! 

since I probably won’t be back on before the new year, and maybe not for a while afterwards (winter quarter starts on the 9th but i’m going to vacation before that) I want to wish everyone a wonderful new year!!! make 2018 your bitch!!