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lorichu · 2 days ago

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My True Love Gave to Me

This is my part of the larger collection of holiday pieces I'm doing alongside @gtypewriter and @dreamerart7 based on the song The Twelve Days of Christmas, featuring characters from my story, Clock Strikes!

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The Crown Charity Gala was the holiday party of the year, and not just in Perraulton. Affluent humans and giants alike came from all around to join in the spectacle that always happened on the weekend before Christmas. It was a celebration of the arts featuring installations from local artists, all of which were up for auction, and an incredible buffet catered by restaurants throughout the city.

Either of these would've been stars on their own, but there was one final tent pole that really made this event; the entertainment. This was a mixed gathering, so instead of a dance floor, there was a main stage that hosted rotating performances by musical acts, dance companies, and theatre tropes. All the proceeds from ticket sales and the auction went right back into the community, be they given to the artists directly, or as part of a scholarship fund for those wishing to pursue the arts themselves.

Every year Rhonda always offered tickets to everyone in Support, but I could never justify taking any. Whatever steps I took towards that kind of grandeur would've been a foot in the door for my stepfamily to barge in and swipe it out from underneath me. If they'd gone on their own, I wouldn't have cared, I just refused to be the reason they made the evening about themselves.

However, now that I was going as Lucas's plus one, none of that darkness was anywhere near my mind. It was still a little overwhelming, even after going for the past three years, but the rush was exhilarating. There was always so much to see, so many interesting people to talk to, and so, so much amazing food. To top it all off, this year Fritz had put together a wing of his own art that I absolutely could not miss.

We'd arrived at the venue hours before everything started to help Meredith and Fritz sort out any last-minute preparations, but they, the volunteers, and the rest of the main staff had been dotting the final i's all day. Aside from the few chances we found to lend a hand, Lucas and I were mostly just there for moral support.

Once we hit the final hour mark, we snuck off to a private room to change and get cleaned up before the doors officially opened. We basked in the extra privacy while we had it, taking a moment to really sit down, snack on a few hors d'oeuvres, and dip into the chilled bottle of wine that had been left out. I should've known that Meredith would think of everything.

It was nice, just the two of us.

Back out on the front lines, I couldn't put the rising monolith of my fear to rest. This wasn't even my first or second rodeo, and it still had me quaking in my boots. I was right here, next to the Crown family of all people, waiting at the entrance of the receiving area for the city's largest social event. They asked me to join them, as an equal, to greet their guests, even though I was just, me. And, to make matters worse, my presence was celebrated in the same breath as theirs by all of the celebrities and dignitaries who strolled in wearing clothes more expensive than I made in a year.

Lucas's family money had intimidated me plenty of times, but it was so surreal to be lumped in with it purely by association. Yes, we'd been dating for a number of years now, and yes, everyone here knew that and had met me before, but it still wasn't mine. Was I the only person who remembered that?

The little thorn stayed stuck in my side, but its stings faded away as the crowd processed in. Warmth and Christmas cheer filled the air, from the guests' smiles to Lucas's laughter. Maybe I wasn't born into whatever "this" world was, but I'd found a place here that was all my own. I still might never fully get it, but I think I could live with that mystery.

Over an hour had already passed when Meredith came over to shoo us away. "Go, sit down, and enjoy the evening," she insisted, literally waving us off like we were causing a scene.

While his hand was already at my back, Lucas didn't pick me up. "You sure? We're happy to help. It's no big deal."

Meredith rolled her eyes and gave her son's shoulder a gentle push. "We'll only be here for a little while longer. Your father and I have plenty more to check on."

A quick glance of permission and consent was shared, and we were on our way deeper into the party. I felt the temperature change the second we were farther away from the door, prompting a chuckle from overhead.

"You should've said you were cold, Emily," Lucas teased, seamlessly lifting me up to his shoulder and sliding me off. "We probably could've left earlier."

Just a second of his personal warmth was enough to revive me. "It wasn't that bad. Comes with the territory, especially this time of year."

He laughed and nudged me closer. "Whatever you say."

Getting out of the spotlight clicked everything into place and I felt the mild anxiety in my anticipation melt away. This was a party after all, something meant to be fun. We'd all been looking forward to tonight for months, and it was finally time to enjoy all of everyone's hard work.

Lucas followed the flow of traffic into the multileveled main hall, and even though I'd already been through here hundreds of times, seeing it filled with attendees brought a fresh swell of pride to my chest. Every year that feeling just got better and better.

There was a free cocktail table at the very end of the balcony right before the stairs, so I snagged it while Lucas went off to the bar to get us some drinks. I wandered over to the edge and leaned against the balcony as the next act came out onto the stage. Eleven woodwind instruments felt a little excessive, but it was a varied bunch from piccolos to a bassoon, and once the pipers started piping, they created an almost a cappella arrangement. Their set was a collection of classic holiday songs, and for songs I'd heard a hundred times before, I had to admit that their unique spin did breathe new life into the old tunes.

When Lucas got back with the drinks, he also brought company, which kicked off the second phase of our minor hosting responsibilities. People meandered over to and away from our little corner table for the next hour or so, bringing a change of conversational tune along with them. Some were long time Crown acquaintances, business associates, or family friends there to catch up, while others just wanted to swing by and say hello in case they didn't see us again.

It was a blur of faces old and new of both sizes that only ended when the call went out that the buffet had finally opened. We knew better than to try and beat the rush, so we sat back and finished our drinks, however I could barely call it a calmer atmosphere though. As the crowd gathered on the lower ground floor, the center of noise shifted accordingly thanks to the conversational hub centered around the long string of buffet tables. While it was in direct competition with the main stage for dominance over the tone of the hall, in the end it was still just noise. That dissonance was its biggest shortcoming, and the more delicately crafted performances still reigned supreme.

A hand slid up next to me, and I jerked out of my hazy daze to meet Lucas's curious smile. "You holding up?" he laughed, reaching out to trail a finger down my arm before taking my hand. "Even for me that was a lot."

Squeezing him back in return, I let my shoulders slump when I sighed. "You're telling me. I know we've had to deal with that kind of stuff every year, but it always seems to get bigger each time." My gaze wandered around the festivities as I leaned more into his touch. "If this keeps up, we might have to make a second receiving line past the main entrance if we don't want to block all the walkways."

There was an almost guiltily mischievous light in Lucas's eyes when I looked back at him, but he was quick to hide it. "Maybe even a whole second hall, just for us?" he quipped. "My parents could probably spin an entire other party out of it."

I yanked my hand free and waved them both between us. "Please no. One of these a year is more than enough for me."

Lucas chuckled, but didn't comment.

Taking that as an invitation to space out again, I naturally turned back towards the stage. A new act was coming out, but this one didn't seem to be a band. Nine ladies in flowing dresses covered in sequins arranged themselves around the stage, waited for a beat, and then began dancing the moment a string quartet started playing. Their movements were mesmerizingly graceful as they wove in between one another, flowing and almost gliding like a flock of birds. To my untrained eye it was perfect rhythmic synchronization.

It felt like the entire hall erupted into applause when their first number ended, and while they did pause to offer short bows, another piece started, and they were right back to business. Left unattended I definitely would've watched them for the rest of their set, but once again Lucas gently prodded me back to the present.

"The line should be more manageable now," he said as he gestured towards the stairs. "Want to try our luck?"

Reality might have drifted away from me for a second, but my stomach wasn't going to let that happen a second time. Pulled towards him by gravity alone, I smiled. "That sounds wonderful."

Like everything else about the gala, the buffet tables were larger than life, even for giants. The mood and atmosphere were one thing, but this was the one attraction that everyone always gushed about, and for good reason. A feast of feasts amazingly put together by hundreds of local restaurants, catering businesses, and specialty shops from all over Perraulton and many of the surrounding towns and cities. Every table had a placard for its affiliated vendor, as well as cards with contact information and in some cases even the chefs themselves to both serve their creations and network directly with potential future clients.

We queued up together in the mixed line instead of dividing and conquering mostly to keep our chances at getting dragged into long separate conversations down to a minimum. In the many weeks of prep, I'd looked over the menus countless times with Meredith, so I knew what my main targets already were. I'd learned from previous years though and wanted to keep an open mind and open space on my plate for anything that might've snuck under the radar. The buffet would stay around until the end of the gala, but there was plenty more to do than hang out and sample food all night. No matter how tempting of an idea that was.

Much like the chatter that had kept us trapped before, light and pleasant small talk drifted all around us as we proceeded down the very long line of tables. Of course, from other guests, but also the vendors we made a point to check in with. Everything seemed to be running smoothly thus far, but I wasn't one to take anything for granted. The second I sniffed out a problem, it would be all hands until we got the matter resolved. Some of that was a deeper instinctual reaction, though I'm sure most of it had been drilled into me from my many years in Support.

Partway down we reached a table for a local human eatery that had its selection split into two uniquely sized offerings. On the smaller side were carving stations for their various roast meat dishes, while the larger ones were miniature potpies made from the same roasts they were carving to order. Lucas grabbed one of each pie, and after I'd gotten my selection, I stared a little longer at the three stations down at the far end.

"What do you think makes them "French hens"?" I whispered once I was back with Lucas. "Is it the chickens themselves, or the way they're prepared?"

He had to bite down on his lip to stifle his open laughter. "Maybe preparation? I don't know much about that level of cooking, or birds for that matter, but as far as I know, there isn't anything specifically unique about France's chickens."

Keeping any further rhetorical questions to myself, we made it down the line in pretty good time and with a pair of very full plates. Instead of circling back to our previous spot, which had likely already been claimed by someone else, Lucas snuck his way through the crowds to the larger tables on the main floor surrounding the base of the stage. While there were multiple seats open, and about just as eager invitations, we claimed some of the last few chairs at the table Rhonda was sitting at and dove into both our meals and a more casually relaxed conversation.

Everything on my plate and the bits I'd sampled from Lucas's were incredible. Now that we were filled to the brim with great food and holiday cheer, it was finally time to move on to the exhibits in the wings branching off the main hall. There were even more people milling about, so Lucas moved me up to his shoulder as he deftly navigated to the nearest door. A live feed of the performances was being broadcast throughout the building, bringing a touch of those festivities into the calmer areas of the silent art auction.

It was like walking into a small museum, or the most varied personal collection I'd ever seen. Fritz always out did the previous year when curating and setting up these rooms, and I really had to hand it to him every single time. Not only were the pieces phenomenal, but the care and consideration that had gone into highlighting each and every one was mind boggling. Obviously, he knew his stuff, and honestly, I wouldn't trust anyone else with such an important task.

Since we weren't really in the market for a new conversation starter for either of our apartments, Lucas and I just took in the spectacle as he strolled along. Most of the artists prepared for this night over the course of the entire year, either specifically for quality or, more likely, quantity. Whatever the case, the selection was as diverse as it was inspiring, and I couldn't believe the number of new names we passed in between all the familiar ones. I doubted it was the only factor, but it was heartening to see the effect of the scholarship fund.

Nearing the end of the general exhibits, one piece in particular captivated us at the same time. It was a massive tree that reached well over Lucas's head made entirely out of metal and stained glass. The ways the frames had been bent and twisted around each to create the rounded curves of the trunk was elevated to an entirely new level by the vibrancy of the glass itself, which was cut into such intricate pieces and layered on top of each other. Further up, the branches fanned out to hang some incredibly delicate looking leaves in every shade of green imaginable. Interspersed between them and hanging from the branches as well were some rounded shapes of blown, yellow-green glass, and it wasn't until I saw a beautifully crafted bird perched near the center of the tree that I figured out what they were.

"It's a partridge in a pear tree," I laughed. "How cute."

Lucas leaned back to look farther up, then glanced over at the sign beside the bidding sheet. "Oh yeah? No kidding." He laughed as well before bringing his hand up to me. I moved over without question and stepped off onto the human viewing platform around the base of the piece so we could both walk freely around it. However, instead of doing any of that, I watched Lucas as he shuffled backward to get a better angle. "Ok, yeah. I can see it now." He crouched down while looking up, almost putting him close to my perspective. "Wow. That really is something else."

We both got kind of lost in the tree, but we eventually found each other again and moved on to the final gallery; Fritz's. This was such a deeply personal indulgence for me, because even though I'd gotten previews of most of, if not all of the pieces while they were being worked on, seeing them finished and displayed like this threw me back in time to all those museum trips I took with Dad. Long before I'd met Lucas or his family, Fritz had always been my favorite artist, a fact that still rang true even today. I didn't have the words to describe it, but there was just something in the way he made things that resonated deep inside me. No matter what anyone else said, he would always be the best, regardless of medium.

Of all the exhibits we'd been through, this gallery was the busiest. Understandably so, and while I loved that others appreciated Fritz's work too, I really did hope they'd go back and check out all of those other artists as well. As we steadily moved deeper into the gallery, I noticed a strange blocked off area further in the back. There was even a security guard posted in front of it, which only served to make me even more curious. Lucas didn't seem fazed by it at all, and just kept meandering ever closer to it.

'Did I forget something?' I wondered, stealing another glance at it while we moved between pieces. 'Or does he know something that I don't?'

Whatever the case, the mystery couldn't be avoided forever, and when the room had cleared out a little, Lucas actually walked towards the security guard. Our greeting was a brisk nod, then the guard reached over to unclip the velvet rope to let us through. Lucas quietly thanked him and continued forward without missing a step. All I could hear was the clink of the rope being secured back into place.

Behind another thick curtain was a small room with a simple, two-seat bench in the center and a trio of spotlights hung from the ceiling. Those lights were angled at the wall opposite us, where a single painting was on display. The Meeting in the Courtyard.

Suddenly there wasn't any air in my lungs. "Lucas, I... Is this...?"

"The original?" he finished with a smirk in his voice. "Yes." His hand was in front of me again, held just so that it didn't block any of the view. "This painting is almost always out on loan, but it was apparently very easy to call it back for one night."

I didn't really trust my legs to support my weight, but I crossed over all the same and let Lucas bring me over to the viewing platform just in front of the painting. "But why is it here behind security instead of being displayed out there for everyone to see?" My voice almost sounded like it was coming from another room.

"Well, it's not for sale for one thing." Lucas sat down on the bench behind me. "And Dad thought it might make an interesting bidding war. The chance for some time alone with him and the painting for a private lecture. From what I've heard, it's fairly popular." After he softly cleared his throat, his words came out weaker. "But that's only the public reason."

"What do you mean?"

This time when he cleared his throat it sounded painful, so I tore my eyes off the miracle on canvas in front of me to face him. "I know it's important to you, so I wanted to share it with you, Emily," Lucas replied slowly. "There's so much of your life that I never got to see and won't ever get the chance to experience for myself."

I stumbled over to the railing and gripped it with both hands. "Lucas? Are you ok?"

He nodded and hunched forward to run a hand through his hair. "I wish I could've met your family, Emily. Your real family." His voice cracked, and he bit down on his lip. "I'm glad we've been able to spend so much time with mine, but it's not the same thing. I want to see your roots. I want the full picture of where you came from. And, I wish I could've asked them for permission."

My eyes were transfixed on Lucas's right hand, which broke away to grab something out of his jacket pocket. It was a small, black box, barely big enough to cover the pad of his thumb. A jolt shot straight through my heart.

'Is that...? Can this really be happening?'

Sure enough, Lucas slid forward off the bench to drop down to one knee. His hand shook the whole way up to the railing, where he presented me with the box. "Emily Asher," he enunciated with such delicate care. "You're my best friend. There's no one else I want to spend the rest of my life with, so w-would... Will you marry me?"

I'm sure the ring was beautiful, but all I wanted to look at was Lucas. Or at least I tried to, because I was crying so hard I could barely see. "Yes!" I sobbed as I climbed over the railing and onto his hand. "A hundred times yes!"

He was crying too, and as his fingers curled in around me, I made sure to hold on tight to the box as we sealed the promise with a kiss.

#g/t #g/t writing #my writing #clock strikes #christmas

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sunskate · 2 months ago

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CPom Golden Skate interview at Budapest Trophy:

Christina and Anthony congratulations on winning the Challenger here in Budapest. how did this competition go for you?

C: it went well. we skated pretty clean, but there's a lot that we want to do better. we've been skating a lot better at home, we had more attack and more speed. so this week felt a little bit tired, but overall we're happy about how it went

A: like Christina said, we've done a lot better at home, and we have a really good training block coming now before NHK to refine and work on details and push the program even more

you have the late Grand Prix - was that why you decided to do a 2nd Challenger in order to prepare?

C: yeah, we wanted to get out early. we get a lot of feedback from these competitions, so we have time now to go home and to adjust whatever we need to adjust and train hard and be ready for NHK

A: every competition we learn something new, so it's to get as much as possible before the Grand Prix, even during the Grand Prix. it's always a learning experience. so we love competitions like this to grow and learn

you have 2 Grand Prix in Asia, that's a bit unusual. are you going to stay in Asia for the whole 3 weeks?

C: no, we're going home- we talked about staying in Asia, but we wanted it to feel like 2 separate competitions, and staying there would feel like one big trip so we're going home for a week to reset and then we're coming to China

A: Scott really pushed for the two separate weeks - come home, regroup, get some laundry done, get a little bit of work done on the programs, and come back stronger, so we're following the advice of our coaches, and we agree that this is the best option for us, and we're looking forward to the challenge

do you have any specific goals going into the Grand Prix?

C: we want to skate really strong programs, and we want to try and make the Final (laughs)

yeah, i mean with your good result at Worlds this is the next goal

A: winning a medal would be awesome - we've been 4th now for 5 straight Grand Prix, so breaking into that podium would be really special, and if our good performances lead us to more medals and make the Final, we'd be really happy with that

want to talk a little more about your free dance to Carmen - let's start with the outfits. because they are not really usual - with Carmen everyone expects this red dress, and you chose yellow - how come?

C: we wanted to bring a freshness and something new to the program. and red was done a lot, and this has been like - everyone around us, US Figure Skating wanted me to look a little different. and when we brought the idea to Mathieu, our costume designer, he automatically thought of gold, and that's kind of the only thing he saw. he was really open with all the changes, but he saw gold. and we really trust him, and whatever he chooses usually turns out great, yeah, that's why i'm in gold, and he's a soldier

A: this concept has been done quite a bit, and we wanted to still keep the traditional feel to it, it is a classic, we wanted to keep the classic, but add our own twist to it. with the costumes, with the structure of the music. everything, so we just wanted to play around with it and see what we could come up with. we wanted to skate to this for years, and having this now come to life it's pretty special

i remember you said at Nebelhorn yeah you wanted to do this for years. why do you think now was the right moment?

C: we got back from Worlds, and Madi was like so what are we thinking for next year? and we were both like - nothing other than Carmen, like that's all we wanted

A: from the day after Worlds i just knew, and i think Christina had the same train of thought. we knew that it was time, it was time to push it and do Carmen. it took a lot of convincing

perfect, thank you so much, congratulations and see you at the Grand Prix

#good interview #they had to convince them to let them do perfume too #4th place 5x in a row #time to break that streak

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fallingforel · 2 years ago

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Hi!! I was wondering if you could do numbers 5, 23, 62, 63, and 69 from your prompt list with like the reader being part of one direction and Harry dating her, and she falls for brad from the vamps. Like could it be angst between Harry and the reader where they’re together but then he cheats on her with someone (idk any celebrity or something like he dated Taylor at one point I think) and she goes to Brad and they’re friends but he’s been in love with her since forever and he comforts her and they get together. Also just make Harry completely regret everything if you can (I live for the cheating with no second chance trope, it’s amazing ❤️) thank you so much!! Have a great day!

A/N hi my lovely here it is for you, hope you enjoy and I hope you like it. dont forget those that want to request one the prompt list is here

1,548 words

PROMPTS 5, 23, 62, 63 AND 69: "you made your choice" "they didn't deserve you" "you think that this is easy for me" "I hate seeing you like this" "I don't like you...I love you"

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It was a well known fact that I was the 6th member and only girl in one direction, I was also dating harry from my band, on the outside things looked squeaky clean and it looked like we had a perfect relationship but we didn't we fought all the time, Harry was always jealous because I was best mates with Brad from the vamps, Brad and I have been lifelong friends as we both resided from the same part of Birmingham and we also went to school together. It wasn't my fault that I've always gotten along better with boys than I have with girls they were just easier to talk to and the fact that they weren't snakes behind my back.

So you could imagine Harry's reaction when I told him brad was coming tonight, even if he tried to hide it in the best way possible. I still noticed. It was hard not to, however we hadn't had a fight in three weeks and I wasn't about to start one now, I had just finally hoped that we were in an all right place.

"Brads coming tonight. He's in town got a show tomorrow, thought he'd pop by then celebrate with us as the end of this leg is today, was thinking we could go to his show tomorrow"

"mmh, yeah, be nice I 'spose"

"Yeah it would, come on we've got to get ready, we've got a show to perform"

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And the show went spectacularly well, I was at my happiest when I was on the stage with my band, with my fans screaming my name it was the most supportive feeling in the world, and I loved every second of it.

Now we were back in our dressing rooms ready to go out, It wasn't often we went out while on tour we'd only ever do it for special things like birthdays, end of legs or if someone new joined our team halfway through. Tonight though, we were celebrating the end of the leg of the tour we were currently on, zayn left a couple of months ago. And with Harry and I on rocky ground we all secretly knew that the band was coming to an end, we were all scared to admit it though, too afraid to say it out loud because then it would all become real.

I'm broken out of my thoughts by a knock on the door, which makes me wipe away the tears I didn't even realise were there, before I'm saying "COME IN" and I'm met with Harry peeping round the door

"Hey, hey. why are you crying my love? What's the matter?" "The bands breaking up isn't it?" "no? what makes you think that sweetheart?" "I mean, with Zayn leaving, you and I on rocky terms, we're all not the same people we were 5 years ago Harry, the bands dynamic doesn't fit anymore"

"Yes okay, zayn may have left, You and I may be on bad terms some of the time and yes maybe we have all changed, but nobody stays the same, it's pretty hard to do that darling, otherwise you wouldn't grow up. The dynamic still works all the same though. So for now, dry your tears, get a fit dress on and lets take our minds off this band breaking up nonsense"

And I do as he tells me joining them shortly in the addison lee taking us into the main part of london, so we could go to a night club. I was sat inbetween Harry and Brad and could feel the tension rising, more so from Harry than brad, Harry was being weirdly possesive with me and it didnt feel in a good way, like it usually does.

Soon arriving at the nightclub we all head inside and Louis takes Harry to the bar to get some drinks for all of us, even he could sense the tension meaning it was bad.

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"you did great tonight, y/n/n. Smashed it, if only you could've heard the chanting for your name. It was unreal honestly." Brad says from beside me perking me out of my daydream of nothing in particular.

"awwh, Braddy. You're sweet you" I say placing a kiss on his cheek as a thank you. I've always called Brad, braddy ever since we were in nappies because I was never able to pronounce my L's I soon learned, the name stuck around though.

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Having not seen Harry since he went to the bar, and hasn't come back since, It's been well over half an hour now, so I was getting pretty worried. So I decided to ask around if anybody has seen him.

"LOU! You haven't seen Harry have you? Haven't seen him since we got here." "No I haven't. Last I saw him was at the bar, said he was going back to you, that was about fifteen minutes ago" "thanks lou."

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10 minutes later Niall comes up to me interuptting the conversation I was having with Brad I had given up trying to find him he clearly didn't want to be found, "I heard you were looking for Harry, I found him, but you're not going to like it" "what Niall, where is he" "mens bathroom, that way" he says turning to point me in the direction of where the mens bathroom is.

Walking into the mens bathroom, I found a sight I didn't want to see, Harry going down on a girl, the girl that wasn't me. "OH WOW!" I shout earning both his and the girls attention. "y/n/n, baby-" "don't you baby me Harry, it is so clear what you think about me." "who the fuck are you?" the girl quips back at me. "his girlfriend honey, actually no his ex-girlfriend. Keep him he's yours he was a slag anyway" "oh thats rich coming from you y/n, I saw you getting close with Brad, a little kiss on the cheek" "we've always been that way and you fucking know it" "oh but it's so easy for you breaking up with me though isn't it, now you can run away with the btec version of me cause it's clear you have a type don't you" "YOU THINK THAT THIS IS EASY FOR ME? YOU THINK THAT I WANT TO BREAK UP WITH YOU? WELL I DON'T HARRY OKAY?, BUT ITS CLEAR WHAT YOU'VE CHOSEN, goodbye Harry, I'll see you soon for the american leg." is the last thing I say before I walk out of the men's bathroom and back to where Brad was sat.

"Y/n? are you okay?" is all he says before I break down crying and he wraps an arm around me. And an executive decision is made between the two of us that he's going to take me back to his for the night.

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In the taxi on the way back, I'm still crying and he still has an arm around me. "

what even happened? why are you crying?"

"Harry cheated on me" is all I can muster out before I'm a blubbering mess again

"I hate seeing you like this Y/n all I know right now is that he didn't deserve you, he never has but I've always been supportive of your relationship always been the shoulder to cry on because I'm your best friend and always will be here, and you know that"

And soon enough I'm on Brads sofa, with Brad laying down giving me a hug.

"you want to say something dont you?" I speak up breaking the silence between me and him. "yeah I do, and I don't care if it's the incorrect time, or what but I have to say it now, otherwise I never will, I dont like you y/n I love you, and I have for the longest time, and if you need time to heal I'm okay with that I can wait a little while longer for you darling" he says shocking me to my core, I will admit I always loved Brad, and I don't think I ever stopped not liking him I just think Harry was a distraction while I was away from him.

"oh brad, I love you too" Is the last thing I say before I'm pulled into a kiss from him and we make our way upstairs to his bed where we both reside for the night wrapped up in eachother and if we were to get stuck into each other as well, then that's nobody's business but our own

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KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

we're both awoken to a pounding on Brads door, so we both rush down and he answers it, revealing a disheveled Harry who looks like he hadn't slept. He tries to enter but brad pushes him back with the door "she doesn't want to speak to you Harry, You really fucked it this time" "please just hear me out y/n. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to cheat, I love you so so so so much"

"You made your choice Harry, please just go. I don't want you here, just please leave, be better on yourself" which I was met back with silence and then the turn of footsteps up brads gravel drive was all that could be heard.

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end.

#harry styles x y/n #harry styles fic #harry styles x you #harry styles x reader #harry styles #harry styles angst #one direction #louis tomlinson #niall horan #brad simpson #bradley simpson #brad simpson x reader #the vamps #brad simpson imagine #brad simpson x y/n

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catwrites9 · 2 years ago

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It Was Love At First Sight

Warnings use of y/n. I Don’t think there’s more. Now when I reread it it’s just ass.

W/n: gonna do a part 2 but I just thought of this idea, did not come out how I wanted but yeah. Also the last bit is copied from a TikTok I made. Also not the best representation of my writing but if you see this and like supergirl/Sasha Calle and want to see more fanfics of her please request any ideas at all.

Masterlist

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You made it to the bat cave where you hid for a little while while watching a random guy get electrocuted. You waited for Bruce’s signal to come down. As it got around that time you got ready to jump.

“That’s a interesting group you got there” Bruce said

“There’s always room for one more” Flash said.

“You wanna get nuts, let’s get nuts, but wait aren't you missing someone” once you heard Bruce say that you jumped down behind them scaring them.

“Hey I’m Y/n I’m here to help”

“Why should we trust you”

“I’m a friend of Bruce’s and I have technology that would help you quite a lot and also can help with that second beam thing”

“What second beam thing” Barry said.

“I’ll only tell you if you let me join,”you paused but got no response “what can I do to regain your trust”

“Take off the mask” Barry yelled

I look to Bruce and all he does is nod yes. You reach and take off the mask. “Hello I’m y/n l/n, do you need more information”

“You can join” Flash said.

“Thank you” you say that as then you see a third person, this whole time you’ve only seen Barry and flash but you see a third appear. You both make eye contact. The feeling you dreaded hit you, you trusted her without even knowing her. You didn’t realize it but she felt the same way.

Flash sees the way you look at eachother” we never introduced our self’s im Barry Allen he’s Barry Allen and that’s Kara or supergirl”

“Hello Kara I’m y/-“

“Y/n I know” wow her voice, man how are you already head over heels I mean you were just immediately thinking It Was Love At First Sight, but the dread of not knowing if she liked you or not did not help with the fact you trusted her so much.

Time skip(this is set that the fight is later)

You and Kara kept stealing glances every time either one of you were in eye range of each other.

You just had to see her, you just had to tell her how you felt. So much so you planned to tell her that night because that morning you saw into the multiverse, showing it’s most likely you’ll die.

(Ps I forgot to say this but you can check the multiverse for things so yeah sorry)

Bruce didn’t trust her and didn’t want to see you hurt, after all he just got you back and you’ve both been since he retired. He tried voicing his concern but it never worked.

You started walking to where Kara’s room was until you felt someone pull you into dark room. The light turned on and it was Bruce.

“What are you doing Bruce”

“I wish you wouldn’t see that woman to night y/n”

“How could I stay away, Bruce for the first time in my life I’m completely head over heels in love.

“But y/n”

“I know what you're thinking, I have a mission to perform and I have no right to fall in love,but things don’t always work out the way we'd like to have them work out Bruce. I’m not a kid Bruce and you know that”

“Y/n how do you know”

“Because Bruce I just do, and if she betrays me that’s my fault not yours, I Barely just met her what 2 days ago and I already love and trust her, that should say a lot”

“I don’t want you hurt”

“I know Bruce but you have to let go, I’m a adult now, and I mean I’ve had to grow up for a while”

“Since your parents”

“Since my parents”

“Go get her y/n”

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W/n: I don’t like this fan fix that much but the second part will be better and also the next one will be hopefully. Also this is the TikTok I’m talking about.

#sasha calle #sasha calle x reader #super girl #supergirl x reader #supergirl

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papa-evershed · 1 year ago

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I’m curious… what do you think are the sexiest gifs of Rob EVER? 😏 I’d love to see ‘em.

I apologize for my late answer but like a weirdo, I was just convinced that my choices would somehow be disappointing. 😅🙈 I just feel like most people are going to expect gifs of kissing scenes or skin but those aren't even the ones that make me the most feral. But I'll give it a shot. 😂

As always, under a read more for length but also for cringe worthy fangirling and NSFW thirst-talk.

Immediately, my first thought was this gif. When I say I adore this man's belly I fucking mean it. He's just so deliciously man-shaped. Tall and thick and soft in all the right places. I love a belly, lets me know that a person isn't too militant and allows themselves to indulge in life's pleasures. 😏😏 (I'm reading way too much into a belly but here we are.) Add in the fact that in this specific scene, Martin Evershed is being the ultimate soft, caring Dad™. He has every reason in the world to lose his shit on Sam but instead he actively chooses to be what she needs in that moment and it's just incredibly sexy because he is a whole ass Man™. I just wrote a fucking novel about this one gif but listen, there's a reason it's first that comes to mind.

The thumb in the mouth? 🙃

Speaking of Act On This, this one too. I'm not even sure if I can put my finger on exactly why this specific gif is one of my favorites. Perhaps because he's usually so smiley (which I adore) that a rare serious/stern look wrecks me. Another reason I want him cast as a villain. Just...yes, sir.

And on the flip side, these because he's just so soft again. I fucking love soft men, ones who don't seem to have that drive to constantly perform their own personal version of hyper-masculinity. (also, I'd suck a random dick off the street to get this in HQ)

I'm a simple creature and I like profiles, noses, and tits.

Like I said, I'm a simple creature and I am no better than any man.

When the right men manspread at the right time? Yes. Yes, that.

When Dad™ shows up to save the day? Get that man a beer and a blowjob.

And while I love it when a man is great with kids...I also think it's incredibly sexy when he's tired of their bullshit cause aren't we all sometimes? 😅

FUZZY GREY NECK? say no more. Also, I'd stand in a three hour long line to wait my turn to ride his thigh like he was the carousel at Disney World. I said what I said.

Hutch. Just Hutch. Everything about the character was sexy. And bless this t-shirt. The shoulders. The arms. The fuzzy neck. The nose. He could 100% talk me into sleeping in that creepy ass cabin and much like Phil, we'd also wake up naked and calling out to God.

Annnd because I feel like it's expected and it does deserve attention, this kiss with Papa E. Listen. Listen. So many fucking onscreen kisses go from 0 to 60 in .000005 seconds. Just immediate face-fucking right out the gate. And IDK about y'all but that shit just isn't enjoyable in real life. Don't assault my fucking face like a Dallas Cowboy's linebacker. 🙃 Ease into it. Warm up. Mr. Evershed will patiently take his time making you so anxiously desperate for more that when he finally does deepen that kiss your lips will be eagerly wet and ready...heh. 🙈

Anyway. 😳 I've been really good about not being thirsty on main anymore and this is still quite tame for me but I'm gonna stop now because this post could go on all night. 🫠

#y'all can't see me like this

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mcl4r3n · 1 year ago

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the mclaren article is weirdly worded but i have to say that i really don't get why people are shitting on lando for it? like he was talking about the team's and the car's development in that part, and he's absolutely right too

monza 2021 was a fucking miracle because the mclaren car (and team) has been shit for a lot of years, and daniel (and lando) outperformed the car by like 500% that weekend. now the car is good and it is probably the first time in five years that they're actually continuously close to the other race-winning cars so yes, they are getting closer to winning races

like i really don't think it's as deep as that post makes it out to be. like if people would just actually read the article and see the context and not be blinded by their hatred of lando (and mclaren), i think they'd see what lando was talking about

but alas some people just want to hate lando. i mean, that boy could say "oh, i love daniel! he's a good guy!" and people would find a way to shit on him for not calling daniel a great guy instead lmao

(also sorry for being angry in your inbox, moss. nothing i said was aimed at you, i promise 🩷 monza 2021 will always be the dando day for us because it changed their friendship forever and we love that..... it's also dando day because they were so severely homoerotic with each other afterwards that it gave us the dando nation we know and love today)

- dando anon

It is weirdly worded because it made it seem like they'd never scored a win in the last five years. And likely, Lando was mostly talking about himself—sometimes boy runs his mouth before deciding on the nuances of what he's saying. But anyway, it's likely that the implication of the erasure of Monza 2021 is what's rubbing a lot of people the wrong way.

And I don't speak for anyone but myself, I just have always gotten this vibe that Monza 2021 felt like such a fluke to a lot of people. There are many who discredit that win by saying that it wouldn't have happened if Maxy and Lewis hadn't crashed out. There are others who will say that it should have been Lando's and would have been his if team orders hadn't prevented it. There are others who will say that "all Lando does" is "whine" for team orders. Idk. I just got here. People will believe what they're gonna believe.

It's true that many people will blindly hate on him for every single thing he says, and that's led me to blocking a LOT of people tbh because like you said, it isn't that deep.

It frustrates me personally as someone who loves Daniel first and foremost, and also loves Lando, to know that McLaren is central to that friendship, both for good and for bad.

I've seen people who have said that people need to stop babying Daniel about his time at McLaren for a whole slew of reasons, stop acting woe is me, etc etc. But also like it leaves me uneasy because Daniel—PR-trained up the wazoo, almost pathologically non-confrontational—outright saying that he no longer wants to talk about his time at McLaren, coupled with Simon saying that Danny was "hollow" after he came back to RB. . . it's like. How bad. How deep does this shit run. This is just the tip of the iceberg of what we know.

Then flip it over to Lando, who LOVES McLaren. Loves it. Is loyal to it. Carries the team colors with a pride that I only see in one other person on the grid (Charles). He wants his wins to be with McLaren. His devotion only pales in comparison to Charles because being papaya army isn't as religiously-tinged as being Tifosi seems to be.

SORRY I JUST FULLY WENT ON A TANGENT HERE!!!!! Anyway!!! back to your point. Yes Lando's right that this is the best the car has performed in a while. Two P2s this year after that incredible upgrade. If RBR wasn't as insanely powerful this year with their rocketship rn, we'd for sure be seeing really fun battles between Lando and Max. Hell, throw Oscar into the mix too, the way the McLaren has been consistently performing these last couple of races since the upgrade.

ANYWAY. Thank you for this message Dando anon even if my response was soooooo long-winded and all over the place skdkfkfkd. We will always have Monza 2021. ♡

I even have it framed hahaha ♡

#dando anon #IM SORRY THIS IS SO LONG AND ALL #OVER THE PLACE!!!!!#no one shout at me #please i am just a new fan

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boondockerblog · 10 months ago

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Day 51 (Cabeza Prieta)

Desire deeper involvement with society and culture to some degree; it is a basic component of their motivation to travel.

What a day! New paths, and lots of them so I have Cairns at every turn. At one point I saw below me a colorfully dressed mountain biker. I usually don't see anyone when I'm far away from the 2 roads. We had a great convo - she lives in Ajo and works at the bank and started Bike Ajo (FB to get more bikes to come here for the trails) and gave me the map that they made.

Wow - so many paths (and they only marked ones that would be big fun for mountain bikers, so this map shows half or less) - looking forward to going on some of the ones we've never been to. We also talked about the electric outage issue (see Day 49) - there's only one line that comes here and it's from Gila Bend so if it goes out that's it. Remember we're talking a town of 200 so they're unlikely to get any more. So interesting to talk to a business person.

I followed the path the way she said would loop me around Locomotive Rock and after a lot of miles that I could see were going further and further away I finally just left the path picking around the cactus for 30 minutes toward the Rock and then back onto a path.

Then, yards from the motorhome, I met people from British Columbia and had another great convo about running and hiking.

By the time I got back it was super late for breakfast, and Bill thought we were going into Ajo to our wonderful coffee play anyway. So we did.

We were sitting outside at the coffee shop talking about the glass box office saying this must have been a movie theater. Later when taking our cups inside we asked and the woman said yes until about the 1970s (like almost everything else in Ajo). She asked if we wanted to see it. Of course!!!

Where the freestanding chairs are, and 20 mir rows back you could see in the floor the marks from rows of seats that had been removed (likely to put up the walls that became the seating area for the sandwich shop - what she told us it was before the coffee shop - what we didn't take a picture of are all the booths piled up from another restaurant). She also told us that the other box office window a couple doors down had been a performance hall). We of course matched right down there to see if we could get in and it is now the office of the ISDA and behind their office is the stage and a large hall still used today for meetings, bar mitzvah, quinceañeras, etc. Hearing all the ISDA does for the community - added to what the wonderful woman at the coffee shop told us, we love Ajo even more than all the other years.

What we learned today about the currently small population of Ajo was just how much is going on here - something we'd never have suspected given how few of the commercial buildings (except the Plaza) are open. Such a sense of community. Met a woman walking her dog who said she came to visit Ajo and fell in love with it so moved here from Boston.

Love this sign painted into a building.

We walked past the little Visitors Center and who did we see but the people from BC I'd met in the morning. They had said they were going to ride into to town but such a surprise for them to be on the plaza when we were. We continued our conversation and learned about their brewery/distillery business and healthcare in Canada including how it works when you're in the US. They need to add on to the number of days they'd be covered in the US, which means a phone call with a long health interview of both of them. There's no cell service in town for us unless we use Wi-Fi calling and their phone doesn't work for calls period so they used ours. So interesting to learn all this. Just a delightful conversation.

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no-psi-nan · 3 years ago

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The Most Dateable Dudes in Saiki K: Survey Results!

With 119 votes from viewers like you, we can finally crown the most dateable dude of the Saiki K main cast...

Congratulations to Kuboyasu Aren for being the most dateable, and to Nendo Riki for being a close second!

Fun fact: Nendo was actually ahead for most of the voting time!

Of course, we can’t leave out the rest of the Saiki K dudes, so here’s the lineup:

More statistics and voter comments under the cut! Thanks everyone for playing, and to everyone with the laugh-out-loud quotes: stop being funnier than me wtf.

From the main cast...

Saiki Kusuo (16)

he's just like me fr. we wouldn't date we'd just be in a qpr.

He cares

Give coffee jelly and best boifriend

im aroace and so is he so we can just not date eachother

He'll settle for the most average bitch: me.

I'm personally too old to date these high schoolers but Saiki is genuinely the most fun to hang out with, plus he's such a giving and caring person that he'd be a great partner to someone he could trust and that could make him feel human again. It's not saikis fault he exudes capybara vibes.

He's respectful and I like how he doesn't really have expectations for anyone. I would like to play a video game with him at some point in time or just read books in the same room without talking.

Because i love him (though aren is a close second)

He is really considering and caring even if he hides it. He can revive time for any objects and thats a huge help with cleaning and healthcare. And he never judge his friends so thats a huge anxiety relif. And he is ace

I love Saiki!!! Yeah!! Love that guy!!!

Will have no huge problems as his friend and in his proximity, will be in proximity often. focused on me and my problems while trying to escape from dating. Every day a new adventure

Saiki Kusuo (without powers) (2)

without his powers kusuo is just a little guy. so horribly out of touch in a way that isn't obvious but EXTREMELY funny + less psychic fuckery means i don't have to worry about the negatives, and it's not like i was going to expect anything like that from any other partner. plus we're both aspec. it will be a lavender marriage, except neither of us have a secret gay relationship on the side

Nendo Riki (24)

im aroace and he is too and i want to hang out

Himbo. Enough said.

Listen, I'm a kaido stan but the answer is literally nendo. He can cook. He's good w/ animals & kids. His face would scare away creepy guys. His brain is so empty it makes more room for ~love for friends~. All he had to do was get a haircut and the entire class found him irresistible. When love expert Imu told saiki her vision of the perfect man he literally pictured nendo before she mentioned a perm. Wake up people.

NO EXPLANATION NEEDEAD HE'S LITERALLY THE BEST. you just gotta keep it a secret from him 'cause he thinks dating is only for the bad stuff. or explain to him that it's not just for the bad stuff

The lesser of 10 evils

Best Boy ever

The propaganda posted yesterday was very convincing. Also he's genuine and kind

good cook, loyal, friendly, has personality, himbo

he would treat me well i think

hes the only one with the emotional maturity. Saikis too angsty. Kaidous wayyy to angsty. Hairo maybe, but hes never gonna have a good work life balance, he'll put his training over you being his partner. idk whod ever pick toritsuka. kuboyasu was literally in a gang, im gonna give him a bit to learn how to be a functioning member of society. saiko is a bitch. satous boring as fuck, i love him but not as a date. akechi has never learnt how to talk normally in his life, love him but that doesnt make him dateable

Nendo

Kind himbo

Big heart himbo who can cook

He's just gorgeous and manly, he's peak male performance

i was told to put him

is it not obvious?

nendo beloved, no thoughts

I need a weird guy in my life. I need a guy who will lick door handles with me.

tbh honest the most normal. He's only undatable bc he's gross but idk. kuboyasus a close second maybe

Can cook, loves animals, is athletic. The whole package except for his haircut.

he is kind :)

Kaido Shun (10)

He's super sweet, shy, throws himself in to protect people, and he's a chuuni dork and I think that's a feature not a bug 😌 Also his studious nerdy side is cute. I will stand by this.

I might be choosing kaidou bc I'm a lesbian and he's the most femm guy ngl

He's absolutely adorable and I feel like he would be reliable.

He be cute

idk bro i just like pathetic dudes. i feel like he'd be fun to play video games with and bond over our terrible moms lol

Least likely to cause me physical or psychological damage over the course of our relationship. He's so awkward with romance dates would probably just be LARPing Jet Black Wings, seriously doubt anything romantic would actually happen and y'know what I'm cool with that. I wanna rp as my edgy middle school OCs too cringe culture is dead

We have similar levels of goblin- I'd say saiki but that is the most aroace guy I've ever seen. Love to be in a qpr with him tho 👍

he's so pathetic <3

Hairo Kineshi (13)

i feel like this isn't even a question like??? He's the obvious right choice. He'd treat you right

he's nice :)

hes not my fave BUT hes the most normal if you don't count satou, and satou is a little TOO normal so itd be boring. also hes hot and popular and he would put a lot of effort into the relationship

Drinks respect women juice (unlike some), not stuck up nor unattractive

He's break my heart w the most motivational speech ever +_+

He's a good guy, he'd never lie, and would be his partner's biggest cheerleader.

Hairo is the most likely and reasonable option to choose out of all the Saiki K men. We all know how Saiki reacts to others trying to date him. Nendo's oblivious, and Kaido is very kind but hes not ready for romance. Toritsuka is.... Toritsuka. Saiko tries to buy people. Aren is too much of a try-hard. I can't really imagine how Touma or Satou would be relationships. Hairo is the most respectful and compassionate man in Saiki K. He listens to people and speaks whats on his mind (even if its a little blunt). He can be much but thats ok

he's the most normal and least worst

he is so supportive and even if hes rlly intense he would be such a good bf

he's nice. & hot i guess (if you're into that)

He is the most considerate and seems to be the most ready for a relationship, though the bar is very low.

Toritsuka Reita (3)

;) i love me a man who is Awful (im gay)

Kuboyasu Aren (31)

hes not too much of an idiot (unlike nendou, kaidou(im sorry lmao), saiko) + he respects women (unlike toritsuka) + i dont headcanon him as aroace (unlike akechi and saiki) + hes not boring (im sorry satou) (+ i dont deserve hairo tbh)

Side characters think Saiki is bland, Nendo is so ugly that nobody will give him a chance (:() , Kaido has his whole chuuni side to him which is annoying for most (:(), Hairo is Hairo, Toritsuka is Toritsuka, Saiko would probably be third place because of his money status but he is still insufferable to a lot of people, side characters know that Satou is bland (though that could be a good thing who knows, he is my 2nd place) and Akechi would just talk and talk and talk which most people would find annoying. Kuboyasu is pretty good at masking his delinquent side nowadays and has become just an average guy who isn't bland. Some people also prefer bad boys, so there's that I guess.

He could drive me around with his motorbike and could wrestle with me, that's really all i need in life. If powerless Saiki could still ride a motorbike he'd be my second choice, because we actually have a lot in common. Or maybe that's not a good thing…

who else tbh

he's a badass

Can start shit and hide behind him.

Season two episode two where he gets a fake love letter he admits his loyalty to love and care about his spouse forever and is willing to just drop school to marry them. Also he's really handsome and strong and good at art

Loyal. Will beat up anyone who decides to look at me in a bad way.

With how he reacted to one single (fake) love letter I don't doubt the fact that he would take care of his s.o. very well

Seem like he would be fun to hang around without it being absolutely insane...i think...maybe...

LOOK AT THE DUDE!! mans was ready to marry and be loyal to a woman his whole life over a single love letter absolute husband material I tell ya plus, he's trying to be good

He would be DEVOTED to his partner. He's cute. Also bisexual.

Big and buff and kind

An all around good guy. Has proven he isn't afraid of commitment and sacrifices for a life together, even dropping out. Is more than capable of protecting his partner, and also understands that his fighting lifestyle could put undue stress on his partner and their relationship and is willing to fully stop for them. He is respectful and has basic notions of what is and isn't socially appropriate, more than can be said about other members of the cast. He isn't desperate, or a pushover, a relationship with him is unlikely to be average to the point of boredom and he isn't excessively embarrassing to be with in public.

He’d make a genuine effort to be a good bf and make you happy. also weirdly i think he's the most normal one

Aren is a kind and loyal person, to his friends, his family and especially his lover. Aren doesn't need to constantly rely on people to become a better person, we've already seen from when he first appeared that he showed great discipline and restraint when he was trying to move on from his old delinquent life. His lover doesn't have to worry about about him 24/7, knowing that Aren can restraint himself and stay out trouble, he only ever really gets into fights with people that are awful. He always looks like he gives strong hugs and is very handsome.

He's hot n would treat me right. Need me a man that can kick someone's ass for me

hnnfg,,;,

Hes respectful but can also kick ass. He drinks his respect women juice everyday.

deeply dedicated to his potential partner + great at violence

H e's a dedicated and passionate guy. He's someone who's actively trying to better himself, and personally I find that really admirable and kind of attractive dldhldhskd.

Remember that time when someone sent him a (prank) confession letter, he was so nervous and serious it was so funny and cute. Honestly all I could think about at the time was that I would love to date a guy who would take the relationship seriously, but still be nervous that I can tease him a lot lol.

The only con with Aren that I can think of is his background, realistically I dont think I want to date someone who has gang relations (not v sure. been a while since i read the manga, i dont remember if Aren was really in a legit gang or just a delinquent gang sorry. if he was in a legit gang, id be more scared).

Uhh other dateable characters I like are Nendou, Saiko Metori and Teruhashi Kokomi. Tbh Nendou's would be THE BEST boyfriend. But the reason why he's second place to me is bc he's too tall for me. Seriously. I'm 5ft and a half. I dont see what you guys see in 6ft men. I am Not craning my neck to kiss or even Look at my man. So sorry T_T

I also really enjoyed seeing Saiko slowly redeeming and becoming nicer and caring towards the end of the series. Honestly so heartwarming. I like him. Would date him actually, despite the attidude. I've dealt wih worse lol.

As for Teruhashi, honestly she's the one I can imagine what it's like dating her best. I can go on for much longer here but I already think my response is too long T_T. Just uhh yk if theres a girls section I maybe would pick her lrbrkrbkdndm.

Because I might get along with him better than anyone else. We also have the same goal of spending our lives loving one person.

Saiko Metori (1)

no one else is gonna vote for him <3 actual answer: he's cute he's rich and i can fix him

Satou Hiroshi (11)

the rest are insane i think. i love them but if i were to date any of them there would always be something. second best option would either be kaido or kuboyasu i think

Least bad option, and dating him seems like a guarantee for a good relationship.

he's just a normal, nice dude who won't drag you into insane situations or get you arrested or whatever

Respects women.

Satou? Nice normal dude, Ideal nice quiet life with him and a nice simple romance that I want :)

not much will happen, you get together, go on average dates, meet family, live average lives, over all it'll be ok, a break up will probably be just as average too

normal. just a guy

He is the most normal out of them LMAO (I love the others so so much but holy hell dating any of them would be atrocious askdjksjd)

Idk man he's just a guy (not ��blorbo)

I'm gonna sound like Saiki but he's average and we have common interests. Not a lot of drama but life's not exactly dull around him either. He can care the conversations but he'll also let you ramble on.

Bro is the only man thatd treat me right

Akechi Touma (7)

I need someone to ramble more than me... Also I need someone to deduce what happens next in some fanfictions that isn't finished yet because I can't wait and doesn't have insane deduction skill. I mean Kuusuke can do it but Kuusuke might kill me so no. Also I need more Akechi ramble, I like those, got me interested in blood-type personality pseudo-science influence in japan, and since Akechi asked people to not harass him because of his blood type, it would mean that he is likely not type A (+and-). His purple eyes also implies that he has actually some supernatural skills, since traditional folktales associate this with eyes colored purple. It is also a deep dark purple. Interestingly, his pupils dilates whenever he goes into rambling mode. This is to be noted, people in sknpn dilates their people when they're furiously crazy (see Kurumi). Crazy Akechi? I am all here for it. Also he would be useful if I want to blackmail someone, so I would of course try my best to be on his side. I am not the brightest person in the world, but I am not stupid either. Next would be Kaidou. Kaidou is a totally relatable dude, since I have the same weight and same height as him (159cm and 45kg). Kaidou has a normal caring mom, who is overbearing but very well care about him genuinely. He is the only mom who Kusuo has never say anything negative about (Midori being a ""capitalist pig"", Kurumi being ""an idiot""). I would do anything to have his mom as my mom, though my mom is good enough, just a little bit more physical. Kaidou is also basically as weak as me (sadly), and would share a passion for hating sport. I am interested in drawing his fantasies and would happily be with him, since he is a sweet, pure, genuine person. I think I should end this here since there're more comments and questions to answer below I suppose.

He can info dump on me as whitenoise to combat my tetanus. I could Info dump back on occasion. I think it would be fun. Plus he's good with bugs.

I dont want to date him im an adult i just want to be friends with this dude thats all

I have problems

is datable meant to mean for everyone? cause this answer kinda hinges on the fact that me and him have two flavors of neurodivergence that i think would complement each other but thats just in my specific case. which is weird because im also aroace i just think wed get along?? i would give him a litol kissy on his head and then we'd go on wikipedia dates or something. i wish Akechi Touma was real because i absolutely would question my romantic/platonic attraction over him (something not a lot of people irl can claim ive done for them) But if this question means datable in the sense of like, ideal guy i would recommend to others? it would probably be Nendo. hes sweet and doesnt have as much baggage (for lack of a better word) as the others. He would treat you right and hes tall which i guess is a characteristic people are interested in, no judgement to them of course lol

��Best of the Rest

Matsuzaki the Gym Teacher (24)

well matsuzaki is a nice guy and also i rewatched his introduction episode a few days ago so

another man who would treat you right

He's hard working (seemingly runs PK academy himself), cares deeply about his students, stable career

trustworthy, athletic, honorable

I wouldn't date him personally(see age), but he has good intentions

hes athletic with a stable job and idk i just get the vibe hed treat me right, y'know?

Im an introvert, he got my back

dilf. sorry the stubble and the lines under his eyes got to me.

He's cool and I like him.

you know. miss saiki close second

would NOT date him personally as i am not interested in people with DILF energy but he seems like a very good partner. go king shit.

he's neat

Respectful dude

himbo

dilf

He's cool.

look i just have issues

dilf energy

dilf

Similar reasons to Hairo; he's the most mature one and is very respectful, even if it does get lost in translation sometimes.

Id date Matsuzaki. Honestly dont know if we would be compatible but I really do like honest dudes. Remember that one time when some kids pranked him with a confession letter, and he really waited for someone to show up and rejected them kindly. Dude. I was like. Woah. That. That was genuinely so cool. That was genuinely so attractive. What the hell. I would love to date someone like that. I would also consider the mangaka, though honestly I feel like we are too similar it would almost be looking at a mirror (despite looking like complete opposites T_T). Hey maybe it would work out? But like. We could also be besties.

Kusuke Saiki (17)

Alright hes the worst and I want to study him

My taste in men is horrible

The insanity

He be psycho

Anime Kusuke, just to state. HES SO. AND FOR WHAT. thats it thats my truth

The mad scientist tm aesthetic

Brains?? rich?? idk man

He'd actually be awful to date he's just insane and I like that in a man

get married. high risk high reward. i am a lesbian though and if he was a lesbian mad scientist he would be extremely hot. but as is I'm just all about planning my divorce outfit and attempting to dodge certain death

Korosensei from Assassination Classroom (17)

I was going to choose Kusuke, because I've slowly realized that he's my blorbo, though he's trash. He's smart and I like passionate guys,,, if we could, redirect it a bit maybe. But then I saw Korosensei and all bets are off. Reaper form is hot, and as a teacher he's just so caring, and again, the passion for me.

Alien boy that likes teaching, what is there not to love?

Everyone else I either didn't know, didn't remember enough about to know if they were safe, or knew to be DEFINITELY not safe. Don't know much about Assassination Classroom, but my sister read the manga so I asked her if he was a decent person and she said yes. Asked if hanging out with him risked damage to my physical or mental health, she said as long as I was a good guy I'd be fine (and possibly benefit mental health?) so. He's probably good.

Korosensei is literally the ideal guy

Process of elimination

I uh,, I um, well, ya know ?

with or without tentacles he's still care for you and it wouldn't be as overbearing as the other options. I was originally going to choose Kusuke but I don't want to end up a lab rat

Shiragami Fudekichi (Mangaka of Silent Cyborg) (12)

I'll be honest here: I should have voted for Mr. Matsuzaki, but Fudekichi is really, really good-looking. I can be very shallow.

he's a mood

Could draw you.

Introverted artist thats says no to women objectification? Yes please. And he is a great artist and writer that even has a team of helpers and thats really impressive, u know?

hes pretty

he looks a little pathetic and i think its funny

Chono the Magician (7)

i want to roll him up into a ball and shoot hoops with him

i think itd be funny

Only one without any obvious terrible flaws preventing him, and he does seem to have both a stable job and a good amount of creativity and loyalty.

Nice dude! Has his life together!

He's sane

Kuniharu Saiki (6)

im about to embark on the greatest "i can fix him" project of all time

Kuniharu is hard-working, even if he is quiet useless. He is very loyal, and to be fair he does manage to provide for his family in the end with his shameless shoe-licking. He seems like the type to be devoted also my hands are tired. He is weak and won't be able to hurt a fly, and sweet person with questionable litterature skill. Nonetheless he is an admirable enough person, who enjoys the lovely domestic environment at his house rather than focusing on his career. Focusing on his career for money, etc would probably end at best as a normal divorce, in the workacoholic society that they live in. Thug-smile Shirigami is my scond choice. Young, successful and the best trait: he is so funny lmao. Just look at his passive aggressive doings towards Kuniharu. How could one not respect this man lmao.

There must be a reason why he bagged a baddie

he'd lick my boots 😜

idk i just picked the person i knew it's been a hot minute since i watched the ol saik

The sniper Saiki summoned (6)

he does a good job :)

snipers are hot

gun

Ike-san the Magician's Assistant (4)

He just chillin ya know

Arguably the most fuckable on this list

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ seems nice

Iguchi Takumi (the new teacher from Reawakened) (4)

my standards for men are: is not a pathetic creature or a creep

He seems nice ig, even if he looks a lil creepy he's got his heart in the right place.

Because Kuniharu is a taken man, and, though sweet, a tad pathetic. Iguchi Takumi is prejudged as a pervert every day by society and still he doesn't let it get in the way of providing the best guidance he can to his students. He is fair, not a pushover, not over strict, gives second chances and forgives children easily for the mistakes children usually make. He's patient, respectful, has never been condescending to the students, goes up and above in his dedication to his work. These are all qualities of a high quality man. He works in his true passion, and I bet he'd do his very best to maintain a healthy work/life balance if he finds someone to share his life with. His students would probably go first, but a man with such ironclad priorities is also respectable and admirable.

Rean Kuboyasu (3)

Dilf.

I like Matsuzaki and mr. Ike but rean seems to be in the healthiest marriage of the show. Him and his wife kicked ass together, taught their kid what they know, then all turned to the straight and narrow path as a family. A tattooed family man who can ride a motorcycle and saves kittens on the side of the road.

Aren gotta get it from somewhere

The Café Mami Manager (2)

He seems like a nice guy. The others are all a bit quirky for some people, especially Kuusuke, Makoto and Aren's dad

Can deal with cockroaches. A little emotionally unstable but who isn't. Plus perpetual sweets and coffee shop dates. I wouldn't mind working with him in his business or being a girlboss taking care of the bills so he can maintain his business.

Kuniharu Mannequins (2 for the price of 1) (2)

They can't backtalk

Other (2)

Kokomi Teruhashi – she’s pretty

Mr. Kaidou – Wooed Mrs Kaidou and also works a high end job.

The sumo wrestler Saiki summoned (1)

WRESTLE MEEEEE!!!

Peanuts Ueda (1)

No Votes

Makoto Teruhashi

Takahashi (classmate)

Nendo Sr

The magician Saiki summoned

#mad respect to the person who correctly stated that they'd be the only person picking Saiko #nopsi graphics #nopsi meta #saiki k #saiki no psi nan #the disastrous life of saiki k.#sknpn #nopsi nonsense #tdlosk

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travelling-on-the-octopath · 3 years ago

Note

Ive been thinking about an alternate manuela-sylvain support chain for days now so, for your consideration, a chain where instead of. whatever that was. a chain where they talk about theatre.

(I use the word "you" a lot in this response, but just know i'm not directly addressing you, especially when I sound particularly salty ^^")

No because let's talk about this. FE3H falls into this terrible habit, most of the time, where it lays a pretty decent foundation for fun, multifaceted characters--and then they drop the ball more often than a first grader trying to get their tiny little hands around a basketball in phys-ed. I really do think a fair bit of this has to do with the fact that, as admitted by the developers, they bit off way more than they could chew with this game. And, frankly, it really does show in every single route.

But back to the subject at hand: two heavily trope-y characters (drunk has-been and womanizer) who could have been shown as a lot more when shoved into a room together.

I watched all of Manuela's and Sylvain's supports just for this, so allow me to lay out an unnecessarily complex foundation for my take on a better support chain for them.

Your first interaction with Manuela, wherein she tells you she's both a songstress and a physician, can go one of two ways: you can either show intrigue to her position at the monastery, which has her ask a rhetorical question about being too pretty for such a job; or you can ask her about her singing, which gets you support points with her. We've known her for exactly 60 seconds and we already know she enjoys talking about her artistic past. Ferdinand's supports with her cement this: There is truly no quicker way to Manuela's heart than discussing either the creative arts or her impact on people via her performances. He's heavy-handed with the flattery, but it's genuine flattery, and she appreciates it to no end.

But she likes nearly every artform!

Sheet music is pretty predictable. But then we get things that show her appreciation--and aptitude!--for food and drink, and embroidery. From what I can tell it's never confirmed outside of this, but Manuela likes to receive things she can spin into something else. She loves being creative!

We also know she has an absurd amount of fight in her, as is showcased in her A-support with Flayn at the very least (and, in their b support, cautions her to not be lost in the dazzling nature of showbiz). We know she has a complex relationship with fulfilling love, even if she does want it. She's hot-headed, able to acknowledge some faults (and then fall right back into them ;-;), and ignores other faults. All in all, I'd say she's pretty well-rounded.

Then we get Sylvain. He's easily one of my favourite characters, but that certainly wasn't the case on my first playthrough, or my second, because it takes such a certain amount of digging to get a crumb of personality out of him outside of "he loves his friends, hates Crests, pretty much hates women." I'd argue that's a little more damning than needing to mine for Manuela's full-fledged personality, because I'm of the belief that more attention is supposed to be paid to the students. But maybe that's just my bubble. Regardless, do you want to know what his interests are? Tactics, art, and--believe it or not--nice, pretty things.

I'm not even joking.

Sylvain is a fashionista!

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say he cares about his appearance, and on a level deeper than just caring about how we looks to women! Why do I say that? Because when it boils down to it, everything that's associated with the way some women misuse him is something he has a strong contempt for, if not outright hatred. This is definitely more of an opinion, but I think it's a gift he likes to receive because he likes looking nice.

Side note, and I'm really sorry to take a detour from the Manuela-Sylvain ask, but could you imagine the heartfelt shenanigans we could have gotten if we'd gotten a fleshed-out support between Dedue and Sylvain? Where on some silly task given by Byleth, we learn not only of Sylvain's distaste for gardening (manual labour in general? man he's really a rich family's son), what he thinks of Duscur, what Dedue thinks of the Faerghan nobility on a larger scale, how the tragedy affected Sylvain (who watched ALL his friends get SPECTACULARLY traumatized in one fucking sitting), how Sylvain dreams of changing his home county and shifting its ideals to stop antagonizing foreigners, to lessen the importance of Crests, etc? All framed as a series of gardening bullshit that still shows Sylvain's rich-boy ineptitudes and maybe, just maybe, Dedue actually talking about his memories of his family.

Immediately that would have given us an insight to Sylvain being ambitious, the same way we see Dimitri emphasizing the importance of people of different social standings working in tandem. It would give him more than an inch of depth. (Don't even get me started on how Claude and Annette would have been perfect to showcase his tactics-oriented skillset when Annette has a whole support, Ashe's, dedicated to showing her OWN grasp on formulaic tactics. They could have been creativity meets hard facts. But I digress.)

Back to our regularly scheduled Manuela-Sylvain programming.

Their C-support touches on Manuela's alcoholism--and I really do mean "touch," because a pattern with her supports is "Manuela, you've drunk yourself into a stupor again!" and that's the extent of addressing it. Seteth's gets the closest, I think, but it's just an effort to make sure she doesn't do damages to herself or the psyche of the students, rather than addressing, you know, the root cause. Sylvain says he wasn't messing around with girls--up to the player if he means it or not, I guess--and Manuela, for some . . . reason, entertains Sylvain as a romantic partner.

Their B support, which starts off with a comment about their age gap regardless of the timeskip's happening, is yet another way to shit on Sylvain, and it pisses me off because its sole purpose is to shit on Sylvain as opposed to confronting him. In his other supports (what comes to mind is Dimitri's and Ingrid's, but I'm just a Blue Lions simp through and through), Sylvain is directly called out for his philandering. And though his "I promise to change!" response makes me want to bash my head through a wall, at least he's given the chance to fight back. Here, it's just . . . a flawed character calling out another character's flaws . . . behind their back? Which feels ironic to me? And they end it on a comedic note, with Manuela worrying that the goddess only has so much goodness to give and will run out in her pursuit of true love.

I'm going to state what may be a controversial opinion here, but the romantic overtones here actually did their job: highlighting the sheer absurdity of these two having anything romantic going on.

But then they end it . . . and I'm like . . . you had the perfect opportunity to give Sylvain a female friend who has zero romantic interest in him, and you PASSED IT UP? Sylvain has a record-low of A supports! He's so out of touch with his emotions! Give him this!

This is how I would have structured their support chain:

So, as I was writing out this support chain, I realized I . . . strayed a little from "theatre," but know that I fully believe they meet for tea on occasion after the war to catch up and talk about strange new art styles/movements/how they could never get over their favourite [insert art medium here].

C-Support - the events of their C and B supports are crammed into this one.

B-Support (would be locked if not triggered during White Clouds):

Sylvain, angry portrait: Professor Manuela! Can I bother you for a second?

Manuela, drunk portrait: Ugh . . . is someone dying?

Sylvain, shocked portrait: Uh, no?

Manuela: Then hold your damn horses.

[brief time jump]

Manuela, neutral portrait: Sorry about that, Sylvain. You'd think I'd be better at handling angry men outside my door, but . . .

Sylvain: Hey, don't worry about what I think.

Manuela, angry portrait: Well I wasn't until you said that.

Sylvain, shocked portrait: Right . . . anyway.

Sylvain, angry portrait: Lorenz and I were talking about operas, and he's under some delusion that Lion's Footfall is better than Lier Caerna.

Manuela, shocked portrait: Oh my.

Sylvain: And I know what you're thinking. A Gautier? turning his back on Faerghan stories? But let me tell you, Professor Manuela, nothing creatively fantastic was ever made in Faerghus after His Highness' grandfather took the throne. Lion's Footfall included.

Sylvain, neutral portrait: So, I wanted to ask you, as someone who's said to have performed them both: which is better?

Manuela, neutral portrait: Lion's Footfall certainly had the more complicated songs. If you're a real music fanatic, I could see that being your go-to. But performing Lier Caerna . . . It's rare to bring me to tears consistently during rehearsals, but it certainly did the job better than any other opera I'd taken part in.

Sylvain, happy portrait: Ha! I knew I could count on you to be as intelligent as you are beautiful, Professor Manuela.

[Sylvain leaves the scene.]

Manuela, shocked portrait: Wha-- Hey!

Manuela, angry portrait: He's got to stop walking away after spewing nonsense . . .

B+-Support, locked until either Pegasus Moon or Lone Moon in Part 1, AKA "Throne of Knowledge" or "To War" (portraits remain the same unless specified):

INT., Infirmary - Mid-afternoon

Sylvain: Professor Manuela? Is now a good time?

Manuela: Sylvain! How are you holding up?

Sylvain, winking portrait: Me? Don't worry about me, really. I walked away from that battle completely fine.

Manuela, upset portrait: I can hardly agree when I was the one who had to patch you up, but all right.

Manuela, neutral portrait: What did you need, again?

Sylvain: Right, right. Sorry about that. I got distracted by that radiant smile of yours. I was down by the--

Manuela, angry portrait: Sylvain, spare me the antics.

Sylvain, shocked portrait: Huh?

Manuela: Your habits are no secret, you know. I mean, just the other day I saw you coming onto a girl and lying your way through the whole conversation!

Sylvain, upset portrait: Please, Professor Manuela, not a lecture from you too.

Manuela: Maybe you deserve a good talking-to. Honestly, the nerve on you . . . .

Sylvain, angry portrait: We're not going to talk about who deserves to be lectured, are we?

Manuela, shocked portrait: Well, I-- That is-- Oh, never mind. Just . . . what is it you needed, Sylvain?

Sylvain, neutral portrait: I was covering for Annette on stable duty, and I saw Marianne trying to figure out what was wrong with a horse. Dorte, I think his name is? It was a, uh, a struggle to get it out of her, but apparently he's hurting somewhere and she can't quite figure out what's wrong with him. I was hoping you'd be able to help?

Manuela, neutral portrait: Hm. If he were in dire straights, you would seem a lot more panicked. I have to wrap up some financial reports Seteth has been hounding me for, so give him . . . this in the meantime, and I'll be down there as soon as I can.

[parcel of herbs, wrapped in an embroidered handkerchief monogrammed with the initials "MC".]

Sylvain: "MC" . . . Was this custom-made for you, Professor Manuela?

Manuela, happy portrait: You could say that. Though, if you're looking for one of your own, you may have to start kissing up to me again.

Sylvain, shocked portrait: You made this?

Manuela, neutral portrait: I did. There wasn't a whole lot of comradery among wannabe divas of the Mittelfrank Opera Company, and sometimes my costumes would suffer for it.

Sylvain: Huh. Never would have thought those shows I saw had such a dark underbelly.

Manuela, happy portrait: Ah, you've attended my performances?

Sylvain, neutral portrait: Once or twice. The trip from Gautier was too long to do it more than once every one or two years, and with everything going on in the Kingdom . . . I wish I could have gone more.

Manuela, neutral portrait: Well, it wasn't all bad; don't let my bitter memories ruin yours. There was still a lot to enjoy. But, well, the poor makers were already overrun creating such elaborate garments that I took to fixing them myself. Turns out I enjoy sewing much more than I would have thought.

Sylvain: It's really well made, too. The colours you chose, the stitching pattern--even the way you chose to shape the letters is stunning.

Manuela, shocked portrait: My, you really seem to know what you're talking about.

Sylvain: Comes with the territory.

Manuela, neutral portrait: Now, I just don't think that's true.

Sylvain, shocked portrait: Pardon?

Manuela: I'd never seen you so incensed as when you almost broke down my door trying to prove Lorenz your taste in operas was better than his.

Sylvain: That's . . . I'm not proud of it.

Manuela, happy portrait: Ah, but you should be! I know so few people your age who are so passionate about the arts. It's actually . . . very refreshing. Puts my heart at ease, you know?

Sylvain, happy portrait: Hm. I never really thought about it that way. Glad I could be of service.

Sylvain, neutral portrait: I should get this to Dorte. I'll make sure your handkerchief gets back to you without a speck of dirt, Professor Manuela.

[Sylvain leaves the infirmary]

Manuela: To think, there was a gentleman sitting dormant the entire time . . . .

A-Support

INT., Cathedral - nighttime.

[Manuela is sat at a pew, humming to herself.]

Manuela, happy portrait: ♪ Hmm ♪ Distant heavens, sullied earth ♪ hmm hmm, da-da ♪ Dis'pointed gods, disheartened man ♪

[Sylvain enters the scene]

Sylvain, neutral portrait: I know this is going to sound like a line, but I'm happy to see the war hasn't also stolen that smile of yours, Professor Manuela.

Manuela, neutral portrait: Times like these, I'd even take those sordid advances of yours, cheap as they are.

Sylvain: I'm . . . gonna blow past that.

Sylvain, upset portrait: Actually, I'm glad you're here, Professor.

[Sylvain joins her on the pew]

Manuela: I'm not a professor anymore, you know.

Sylvain, neutral portrait: Yeah, but even you haven't kicked the habit of calling Professor Eisner the same.

Manuela: That's fair enough. So, what did you want to talk to me about?

Sylvain, upset portrait: Oh. Right. I . . .

[Sylvain pulls a bloodied handkerchief from his breeches.]

Sylvain: I know I said I would give this back to you--and I wanted to. But then, you know, the attack on the monastery--

Manuela, shocked portrait: Please tell me you haven't been keeping a blood-soaked handkerchief in your pockets for me.

Sylvain, happy portrait: Heh, no. Sorry to disappoint. What happened's kinda worse, though.

Sylvain, upset portrait: I grabbed it from my old room, hoping to give it to you, but I was attacked on the way here.

Manuela: Are you all right?

Sylvain, neutral portrait: Oh. Yeah. Barely felt it, actually. Looked worse than it was. Mercedes was around the corner, so all told it went better than it should have.

Sylvain, upset portrait: But I wrecked your handiwork. I'm really sorry, Pro . . . Man--Manuela.

Manuela, winking portrait: You'd think you were saying the goddess' name for all your stuttering.

Sylvain, shocked portrait: I . . . Uh.

Manuela, upset portrait: Sorry. That was out of line.

Sylvain, neutral portrait: Nah, don't worry about it. The way you've kept your head up during the war has kept me sane. I mean, you've been fighting your own sort of war for years now, haven't you? And you've become good at hiding the casualties.

Manuela: The trail of terrified men I've left in my wake would disagree.

Sylvain: Maybe. But you still kept it together when we students needed you. You still shone brightly on the stage for all your patrons and audience members.

Manuela, shocked portrait: I didn't think you remembered my performances.

Sylvain: I don't. Not really. I remember going, and I remember having a good time, but I don't think I have the same, ah, star-struck quality around you that most do.

Manuela, neutral portrait: Hm. Who would have thought being bland to someone like you would bring me so much comfort?

Sylvain, angry portrait: Someone like me?

Manuela: Don't get that armour of yours in a twist. I just mean-- Well, you have a good heart, and the taste one usually acquires when they live their lives in the upper echelons of society. You're a fine young man, Sylvain.

Sylvain, upset portrait: Sure.

Manuela: I mean it. You came in here looking like a kicked dog because you dirtied my handkerchief. The man you pretend to be would just offer to buy me another one. You know its value, and you're guilty because I entrusted you with it.

Sylvain: I mean, yeah. Manuela you made this.

Manuela: Exactly.

Sylvain: I think we're talking cross-purposes.

Manuela: We're not. How about this: When this war is over, and I finally set up the academy of my dreams, you come find me and replace my handkerchief.

Sylvain, shocked portrait: I can't replace it any sooner?

Manuela: No. Because . . . I want to know you found happiness after all this tragedy. It would do me some good to see a boy like you be treated fairly by the world, if only a little.

Sylvain: Manuela . . .

Sylvain, happy portrait: Yeah. Okay. And it's gonna be the the crème de la crème of handkerchiefs. Just you wait.

Manuela, happy portrait: I look forward to it, Sylvain.

#s responds #W O W this got away from me #hopefully my take on a revamped support isn't too shabby! ^^"#I speed-ran through so many supports my brain is fried #fire emblem #fire emblem three houses #fire emblem: three houses #fe3h #fe16 #sylvain jose gautier #manuela casagranda #coach-shidas-wife-is-a-ghost

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imathers · 2 years ago

Text

I posted 998 times in 2022

That's 6 more posts than 2021!

40 posts created (4%)

958 posts reblogged (96%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@40ism

@rubyvroom

@quoms

@khealywu

@laughterkey

I tagged 991 of my posts in 2022

Only 1% of my posts had no tags

#politics - 314 posts

#1000 words - 248 posts

#music - 196 posts

#personal - 161 posts

#context - 147 posts

#laugh rule - 139 posts

#40ism - 93 posts

#philosophy - 90 posts

#bodies - 85 posts

#+1 - 74 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#and in guelph sometimes this one restaurant would have a pastrami and ox tongue sandwich that might be my favourite sandwich i've ever had

My Top Posts in 2022:

youtube

Yesterday, Alan Sparhawk of Low let people know that his wife and the other half of Low, Mimi Parker, passed away from ovarian cancer. I already shared some songs and wrote very briefly about it, but that’s all I’m doing today, too. Not much writing; I’m not sure how to sum up my favourite band or my feelings about them. I wrote about their last three records at Dusted (and that tag will also show you how prominent they were in my last couple of year roundups), but today, I’m just going to mostly post some of my favourite Mimi songs/performances. She will be missed, so much and by so many.

Someday this will all make sense.

12 notes - Posted November 7, 2022

After all that, I made a post for our 10th anniversary earlier and forgot for a bit to put it here as well! Here’s all the pictures, and here’s what I said:

I had a bunch of crap here about my tough weekend. And here's the thing: none of that matters. In the 10 years to the day since we got married in NYC if we've learned anything about each other and ourselves it's that the formality of the specific anniversary day, the idea that this one in particular needs to be perfect, just doesn't matter to either of us and definitely not us together. Neither of us has unrealistic expectations of the other, and both of us care more about the love and respect and communication between us than if we do a fancy thing on a fancy date. It's been true ever since the day MORE than 10 years ago that I was sitting nervously on a plane down to Florida, going to meet for the first time this person that I already thought might be my girlfriend, or something more. Did I tell you guys that like a week or two into talking I told my mom is suspected that just maybe we'd get married some day? I had previously not cared whether or not I got married. And then we did meet, and within maybe an hour or two it was just... oh, there you are. That's what my life is now. No money, no idea how immigration worked, still getting to know each other, and still. And now for 10 years we've given each other the biggest, best thing we could: we get to live together every day and hold the things we need to hold together, even when it's tough, and deal with our idiot cat, and have so many bits of private vocabulary and injokes, and try to keep the apartment running, and spend hours talking about everything and anything with each other, and being quiet and together in the same room, and nap together, and have dumb fights that seem to always wind up with more love and understanding between us. 10 years of actual, imperfect wedded bliss that I wouldn't trade for anything. Thank you for everything you do and are and for being the most perfect partner I could have. And for taking these pictures.

(but not this picture, I took this one)

13 notes - Posted November 14, 2022

I am being Punished for my Crimes

13 notes - Posted April 30, 2022

youtube

It’s imagery of someone dying and someone being left behind to live. Eventually that second person dies, and ends up in the same place in the universe as the first person. It’s not a pessimistic song. It’s two people talking under the assumption that they’ll both live forever – I guess that’s what it is.

We were having kids for the first time around that time. I had a naive desire to ramp up my grappling with the universe. Trying to understand what’s worth saying, the permanence of what you do and say and the impermanence of life. I think that song is pretty simple – it’s two people talking to each other who are on the same team.

The Quietus, “The Strange World Of... Low”

17 notes - Posted November 7, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

The thing I’ve been sitting on for weeks now until I can talk about it finally officially happened yesterday. After more than 8 years at my current job, which started out very good (good enough that Anaïs got a job there too) and got very bad (bad enough that last November they laid off 10% of our department at the end of a very successful year for no good reason, including Anaïs), I wound up looking around and seeing a position that looked promising elsewhere, one looking for fairly specific and I’m guessing relatively rare experience I happen to have.

And then I found out in my first interview for it that it’s also one with a much bigger salary than I would have guessed, big enough that Anaïs (who was already in school to become a relational psychotherapist, but it’ll be a few years before she’s set up with that) won’t have to look for another job until she’s done school and ready to start her practice. And after being offered the job and signing the employment agreement a few weeks ago and then sitting in limbo with the background check in progress, yesterday I was officially cleared and gave official notice at my soon-to-be-old job. Which I was dreading doing but actually went pretty well.

Now I just have to finish up my last round of publications at my old job and move on to one that I’m very excited about. I am sure it will be a job with issues like any other, but I have reason to be cautiously optimistic that in addition to everything else it will be a lot less stressful than the last one eventually got. And my new boss even told me when we were figuring out the start date he’d rather have me take a week if I need (I do) and come into the new position more refreshed.

The whole thing on the one hand has happened quite fast but on the other has felt like it’s been something I’ve been working on for years, and I still can’t quite believe that within days of me sending in my resume they wanted to interview me and within days of finishing interviews they offered me it and the whole time everyone involved acted like they wanted me there enough they kept acting kind of worried I’d get a better offer elsewhere (I might... have worth? believe me, I have been talking to my therapist about it). I’m very happy about it and last night was the first time in a while I fell asleep without worrying about one part of the process or another. Please clap.

49 notes - Posted April 28, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#2022 #personal #oh fine #these are silly but i liked my top 5 posts #Youtube

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not-poignant · 3 years ago

Note

phew, you're getting a lot of asks with heightened emotions! I'm kadek stan anon here, and wanted to say sorry because I didn't mean to make you feel forced to post an ask. Clearly this was me not using internet the same way as you, so thanks for explaining how you like asks done! To make up for it, I'd love if you could tell us something more about my guy Kadek. Has he been in love? Has he experienced abuse? Has he talked to Arden about racism in kink communities? What's his hair care routine?

Hi anon!

Okay so first things first, please feel free to hate Kadek! Look, from my perspective, I know where he's coming from. But from like, the story perspective? Fuck that guy! He just banned Efnisien and didn't ban the guy who broke his face? What the hell, man! You can be mad as hell :D

(But if you come talk to me about it, I might explain what he could have been feeling in the moment, lol, mostly because I know that readers are going to find out what he was feeling later on. Sneaky spoilers!)

(And if you like that you can send me anon asks and get that response then please, keep doing it! And if you don't like it, you don't have to keep sending those asks. Tbh I was feeling okay about all the asks until I got that anon hate lol)

Okay but I love all your questions though so I'm gonna answer them ALL

Has he been in love?

Kadek is pretty secretive? He doesn't tell me a lot about his life. I tentatively think he either hasn't been in love, or not in a way where he wanted a relationship. He and Arden in some ways have worked out so well because they're both commitment-phobic in different ways, and while Kadek is very happy Arden has a boyfriend, they both kind of are still...understanding boyfriends? Lmao.

I think Kadek loves his (rope) models, especially the ones he works with more than once. He considers himself to have intimate, meaningful relationships with them, he just doesn't date them or have like, long-term sexual relationships with them. But he adores them, and he'll follow them on social media and send them flowers or food when they're upset and get angry when their accounts on Instagram get banned yet again.

Kadek has a big heart, but it expresses itself in different ways I think. He loves Arden like a brother and a best friend. I really think he'd be lost without Arden, though he would tell himself he wouldn't be. :D

I don't think he's been like, romantically 'in love' in the sense of that word. I don't think he wants to be!

Has he experienced abuse?

He's experienced racial abuse, but otherwise no. Kadek's never really experienced the kind of trauma that say Arden or Efnisien or Gwyn or Augus have. He had a happy childhood with parents who worked hard and managed to achieve what they wanted. He's healthy and has no chronic health conditions and he's never had a mental illness of any kind. He's that guy who all of us go 'people who wake up with energy and have no mental illness every day? who does that?'

He does that, lol.

Because of that, he has some pretty big blind spots! But I think he's learned a lot over the years and is learning more. He's... probably like a reformed Republican (or as we'd call them in Australia - a reformed Liberal, because Liberal = Republican here. It's a long story.)

Has he talked to Arden about racism in kink communities?

Yes! But, while he cares about it, he doesn't like to get 'political.' Kadek gets very impatient with performative wokeness, and he also sometimes (wrongly) thinks that people make too much of a fuss about nothing. I think because his life has been so good in many ways, he sort of doesn't see that other people's experiences re: systemic marginalisation can be so horrendous, and sometimes he wants his life to remain easy, and he doesn't want to see it. His parents are the same.

Arden is far more politically and socially conscious than he is, and so Arden is basically the one who is like 'Kadek we have to deal with this' or 'Kadek we should do a YouTube video on fatphobia in kink' or 'Kadek we should have more POC models in our videos' or 'Kadek we need to tackle ageism in kink' etc. and Kadek will be like 'don't make it boring and then I'll be there.'

Kadek can be truly infuriating on matters of political correctness, and he knows it. I'm noooot sure I'd want to be his friend in real life? But I also think he can be won over, he just...won't research the subject himself. He's that guy who asks marginalised people to explain it to him. That being said, he does actually listen once it's explained. But he has absolutely been yelled at on social media for it.

Arden will usually be the one to explain stuff to him. And sometimes his rope models, sometimes while they're twisting in suspension shibari, will call him out.

What's his hair care routine?

He's a lucky bastard who just has naturally glossy, thick black hair that falls in beautiful waves that can be a little shaggy.

He sees a barber once every six weeks, and he uses good products in the shower, but doesn't use much else. For someone who's basically forty, his hair is amazing, and he's very proud of it.

He'll cry the first time he gets a white hair, lmao. Cry like his heart is breaking.

#asks and answers #falling falling stars #fae tales #fae tales au #kadek #i still haven't given kadek a last name #but yeah kadek is infuriating to me #i love him but like #i def get why people are mad #i think he'll have a chance to explain himself later in the story #which is why i don't mind talking about his perspective now #also his hair is so annoyingly pretty #i bet it feels silky too #and just naturally falls back into place #kadek's like one of the happiest characters in the whole story dslakfjdsafsa #except for *right now* where he's really not having a good time

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odetogyus · 4 years ago

Text

wait

↳pairing/s: idol boyfriend!yugyeom x fem!reader

↳genre: angst (w/ a happy ending lol), idol!au

↳warnings: profanity, mentions of alcohol consumption, trust issues

↳song: wait by maroon 5

✎author's note: idk what I was going through when I wrote this but this was from my 2018 archive and I think this baby needs to see the light of day,, so here it is!

—

"The concert should be done now," you thought to yourself while staring at your phone.

Since your brother's wedding was in 2 days, you didn't have time to fly to Toronto to see your boyfriend and his group perform. You've been on a few tours with them– sometimes working as a stylist for Yugyeom and the whole team. JYP himself even sends you an extra ticket to every single country the boys go to just in case you wanted to come with, but this time however, you had to stay home to help out with your brother's wedding.

It's been almost 3 years since you started dating Yugyeom. What started out as a very unexpected interaction at a dance showcase, later bloomed into something so beautiful. Your relationship wasn't always pretty. In fact, it's true what they say about the first year; it definitely is the hardest.

You've seen them grow, not just as artists but as people, too. You've built such tight relationships with each and every one of them, even the staff members. GOT7 was a family and you were over the moon to be a part of it.

After a few hours of waiting, you decided to take a hot shower before taking a nap. It was a tiring day for you and your family. The wedding was in 2 days and there were a lot of things left to do. You also knew very well that the boys come out exhausted after every show, and so you fought back the slightest feeling of worry in your head and fell into a deep sleep.

–

You woke up to the sound of your phone going off.

BREAKING NEWS

MEMBERS OF THE KPOP GROUP– GOT7, WERE SEEN AT A CLUB IN TORONTO AFTER THEIR CONCERT. MEMBERS MARK TUAN, JACKSON WANG & KIM YUGYEOM WERE SPOTTED HEAVILY INTOXICATED WITH 3 UNKNOWN WOMEN JOINING THEM AT THEIR TABLE. NO OFFICIAL STATEMENTS REGARDING THE INCIDENT HAS BEEN RELEASED BY JYP ENTERTAINMENT.

People you knew and didn't know were tagging you everywhere. Every photograph, every article, they all had their eyes on Yugyeom, and they all had their eyes on you, too.

Your brother's fiancée barged into your room shortly after the news broke out. She was always there for you, and the relationship you shared was a very special one. You trusted her, and you never hid anything from her after the first time she saw you cry.

"Y/N," your almost sister-in-law cooed. You both knew that it was very unlikely of Yugyeom to act that way, but then again, the people surrounding them aren’t always angels. No one really is.

Just then, the name you've been waiting to see finally popped up on your screen, but this time, you weren't sure if you had the guts to answer him.

"Should I answer?" You asked, sounding miserable as ever. Tears escaped your eyes, glistening like broken glass when the sunlight hits the surface.

"You need to hear it from him, Y/N. I'll be in the kitchen, let me know if you need anything."

Accepting the call, you swallowed hard enough and prepared yourself for what could either be the most painful truth you had to hear, or the biggest lie ever you had to believe.

"Y/N.. hey, please let me explain," Yugyeom's voice was incredibly raspy and shaky, and you knew damn well that he was in tears. It's only been a few hours since the incident, so it was safe to say that he was still quite hungover. You knew they were well taken care of, but what happened cannot be rewritten again. What's done is done.

"Go ahead," you answered. Holding back your tears is always the hardest when you know that you have no choice but to endure the pain.

"We had a few drinks, and we had fun. We had so much fun. The boys and I, the staff. Me and Jackson hyung tried the hose thingy, it was so– cool– but, but I'm sorry babe, I'm so sorry–"

"Do you just.. wanna talk when you’re not like.. this, Yugyeom? Because if you're gonna keep doing this, I might as well just hang up and talk to my fucking wall–"

Oh, the theatrics of a brokenhearted beast.

"No.. stop, listen to me, I'm trying to explain!"

"Okay, then do it," you said angrily. The tears from your eyes were flowing down uncontrollably. It was so painful that you couldn't even hear anything else but the sound of his lies breaking you continuously.

"Mark hyung joined us, and we got so drunk, and next thing you know, these random girls sat with us at the table. I don't remember a lot but– I think one even bit my neck– it hurts, and she– I think she sat on my lap but I think I tried to push her off but I passed out. I don't really remember anything else–"

"You know, Gyeom? Sometimes, I wish you knew what it's like to be the one that patiently waits for you to come home, hoping that the worries in your head just disappear. How could you be so irresponsible? Man.. how could you do this to me? To us?"

"Y/N, you know I love you more than anything else but for fuck's sake, will you please believe me? My head hurts so much and you're acting up! Jesus!"

Yugyeom knew not to push your buttons, but in that state of his, he pushed it all, not missing one.

"Well, if that’s the case then I’m sorry. I’m sorry for caring too much, and for being all up in your business all the fucking time. Have fun remembering how you got that stupid hickey of yours, I’m done–"

"No, you are not hanging up on me, Y/N. It was a mistake, okay? God, my head is killing me and I just.. need you to believe me. I drank too much, and I know it’s bad, but I swear to fucking God, I didn’t do anything to hurt you. I would never hurt you. But you need.. to stop being difficult.. you’re making things worse here–"

The tension grew even more. You were both screaming your lungs out at each other, thousands of miles away from the other.

"Really now?" You spat bitterly. That was it for you. The last straw. "Well then, I know my brother invited you to the wedding, but don't bother showing up. I don't want to see you."

Your harsh words must've hurt Yugyeom so much, that his screams of anger just managed to slip out of his already worn out body.

"You're really throwing this all away– huh? Almost 3 years worth of memories? Just because I made a mistake, just because I don't remember everything that happened to me while I was intoxicated? You think I wanted those girls to come close to us? You're so– Y/N, you really think I wanted to hurt you, don't you? So now.. you do this? You're really breaking up with me? On the phone? Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Trust, Yugyeom. Trust. You broke the most important thing we built. Do you know how hard it is to do this? To date someone like you? People send me death threats, Yugyeom. Just because I decided to be with you. Do you even know how I feel? Do you know how Mark's girlfriend feels? How Jackson's girlfriend feels? Because I do. We all fucking get it!"

"Okay, trust. But let me ask you Y/N, if things were so difficult, why are you still here? Why date me when you could've left? That's what you wanna do anyway, right? You wanna leave, you wanna be free, right?"

But it’s not freedom if it’s not with you.

The bitter taste of surprise was too much for you. It was never meant to hurt that much, but it did.

"Wanna know why I'm still here, Yugyeom?"

"Why," he spat coldly.

"Because I thought that– loving you, oh god, I thought that that was more than enough to believe that we'd make it. But at this point, maybe we're both just better off alone. Separate ways, Gyeom."

Yugyeom let out a faint laugh. The most painful laugh one could ever laugh. A laugh of defeat.

"You're really doing this, huh? This is what you want? You're really doing this to us–"

"You don't need to show up at the wedding.. I'll just, tell them about us after. We'll meet when we're both ready to talk. Be safe."

"Fuck this, Y/N. Fuck–"

And with that, you hung up.

Your heart was broken once again, not by the same person, but because of the same reason you kept your heart safe and hidden in the first place.

Trust.

Yugyeom was your true love. The man you believed to be was your person. The person you entrusted your fragile self to. The person you needed.

But maybe he doesn't need you.

Putting your phone on silent, you cried yourself to sleep, wishing you'd never wake up.

—

wedding day.

Your eyes were still tired and gloomy, but you were better. You haven't heard from him since the fight and although it hurt you too much to be that person to hang up and end things, you knew better than to mope all day and question your existence.

"You look so beautiful in that dress! I'm so happy you chose that style! It's just perfect," your brother's soon-to-be wife exclaimed. She was the one who held you tight when your heart broke for the wrong guy, and she was also the one who held you when Yugyeom couldn't. It's safe to say she's the sister you never had.

"Thanks, I'm happy to be here. I'm so excited for you and my brother. I don't know what you see in him but I'm thankful you stuck around."

The bride smiled with tears welling up in her eyes. "You stick around for the one you love, Y/N. Even when the storm hits and everything falls apart, wait it out, then love again."

The wedding venue was everything you imagined it to be. A beautiful pathway to the garden, red and white roses everywhere, and photographs of your brother and his soon-to-be wife hung from the stringed lights wrapped around the tall trees to create the most beautiful ambiance.

Your quick peek of the venue ended since it was almost time for the actual ceremony. You were one of the bridesmaids, and you had to be wherever the bride was.

From afar, a tall figure walked towards the venue in a red suit. His dark hair complemented his outfit, and his handsome face was the cherry on top of it all.

Yugyeom showed up to the wedding a few minutes before it actually started. He took his time exchanging words of happiness and support to your brother. Yugyeom's relationship with your brother started out like any other brother – boyfriend relationship, but the two ended up being very close friends. A few moments before announcing the beginning of the ceremony, Yugyeom found his way to his seat. He sat close to the front, but in the corner.

The ceremony began, and every second felt longer than it should have. Closing your eyes, you took slow, but steady, steps to the podium where your brother was. You both agreed to welcome the bride with your whole family present next to him.

dirty looks from your mother

never seen you in a dress that color, no

it's a special occasion

not invited but I'm glad I made it

He looked at you like it's the first time he's ever laid eyes on you. His heart thumped like crazy, seeing how your hair fell perfectly down the length of your spine, in a red dress that exposed most of your back. Yugyeom couldn't resist every urge to kiss you. Every thought of you possibly breaking up with him completely made the poor boy pale. He was madly in love with you, in every possible way, that losing you meant losing everything to him.

The moment you stood next to your brother, your eyes met his. The eyes you hated to look into, but missed the most. Yugyeom stared at you for a long time, before you both snapped out of the trance only you two were in. You saw him mouth a "wow" before facing the bride and giving her a hug.

Walking to your designated seat, your mind went crazy just imagining how hard it would be to keep your composure when Yugyeom would literally be inches away from you.

"Beautiful," Yugyeom said in awe as you sat next to him. "You're beautiful, Y/N."

Without looking at him, you extended your gratitude. "Thank you, Yugyeom," was all you could say.

You both tried so hard to focus on the wedding. For the most part, it felt like no one else was there. You were in the moment, and so was he.

The exchange of vows was definitely something. Every word your brother and his wife exchanged was pure love. And deep down, you prayed that the love you needed was Yugyeom's.

oh, let me apologize

i'll make up, make up, make up, make up for all those times

your love, I don't wanna lose

i'm begging, begging, begging, begging, I'm begging you

As if on cue, Yugyeom held your hand without looking at you. His hand was shaky, and so was yours, but you didn't pull away. You held onto him, too. You held onto him like your life depended on it, and you held onto the person that longs for you the most.

"I do," your brother speaks into the microphone, looking at his woman. Yugyeom holds your hand even tighter, saying the same words your brother said, loud enough for you to hear it. Only you.

I do.

The bride reciprocates, and tears immediately stream down your face as the rush of emotions take over you.

Not wanting to lose the love of your life ever again, you follow suit, and said the same words the bride said. Only for you and Yugyeom, it meant something else. Only something the two of you could understand.

I do.

You both stood firmly, not letting go of each other, when the officiator finally said the words everyone wanted to hear.

You may now kiss the bride.

Not wasting a precious second, Yugyeom pulled you into a tight embrace, holding your head against his chest. His lips planted kisses at the top of your head, and suddenly everything was right in the world.

The scent of his perfume was home to you, and it made you feel so much better.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm so stupid, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry," Yugyeom whispered, still keeping you in his arms.

"I'm sorry, too, Gyeom," you answered, trying hard not to let the tears roll down your cheek and ruin your makeup.

Yugyeom finally kissed you.

He kissed you without stealing the spotlight from the newly weds. He kissed you softly, but it was clear that he longed for it. For you. He kissed you just the way you needed to be kissed, reminding you that he is yours in full surrender.

"I love you, Gyeom."

You finally meet his gaze. The prettiest eyes you've ever seen, and he really was the best thing that's ever happened to you.

"I love you, Y/N. I love you."

Wait it out, then love again.

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hellomynameisbisexual · 4 years ago

Text

Here's a shortlist of those who realized that I — a cis woman who'd identified as heterosexual for decades of life — was in fact actually bi, long before I realized it myself recently: my sister, all my friends, my boyfriend, and the TikTok algorithm.

On TikTok, the relationship between user and algorithm is uniquely (even sometimes uncannily) intimate. An app which seemingly contains as many multitudes of life experiences and niche communities as there are people in the world, we all start in the lowest common denominator of TikTok. Straight TikTok (as it's popularly dubbed) initially bombards your For You Page with the silly pet videos and viral teen dances that folks who don't use TikTok like to condescendingly reduce it to.

Quickly, though, TikTok begins reading your soul like some sort of divine digital oracle, prying open layers of your being never before known to your own conscious mind. The more you use it, the more tailored its content becomes to your deepest specificities, to the point where you get stuff that's so relatable that it can feel like a personal attack (in the best way) or (more dangerously) even a harmful trigger from lifelong traumas.

For example: I don't know what dark magic (read: privacy violations) immediately clued TikTok into the fact that I was half-Brazilian, but within days of first using it, Straight TikTok gave way to at first Portuguese-speaking then broader Latin TikTok. Feeling oddly seen (being white-passing and mostly American-raised, my Brazilian identity isn't often validated), I was liberal with the likes, knowing that engagement was the surefire way to go deeper down this identity-affirming corner of the social app.

TikTok made lots of assumptions from there, throwing me right down the boundless, beautiful, and oddest multiplicities of Alt TikTok, a counter to Straight TikTok's milquetoast mainstreamness.

Home to a wide spectrum of marginalized groups, I was giving out likes on my FYP like Oprah, smashing that heart button on every type of video: from TikTokers with disabilities, Black and Indigenous creators, political activists, body-stigma-busting fat women, and every glittering shade of the LGBTQ cornucopia. The faves were genuine, but also a way to support and help offset what I knew about the discriminatory biases in TikTok's algorithm.

My diverse range of likes started to get more specific by the minute, though. I wasn't just on general Black TikTok anymore, but Alt Cottagecore Middle-Class Black Girl TikTok (an actual label one creator gave her page's vibes). Then it was Queer Latina Roller Skating Girl TikTok, Women With Non-Hyperactive ADHD TikTok, and then a double whammy of Women Loving Women (WLW) TikTok alternating between beautiful lesbian couples and baby bisexuals.

Looking back at my history of likes, the transition from queer “ally” to “salivating simp” is almost imperceptible.

There was no one precise "aha" moment. I started getting "put a finger down" challenges that wouldn't reveal what you were putting a finger down for until the end. Then, 9-fingers deep (winkwink), I'd be congratulated for being 100% bisexual. Somewhere along the path of getting served multiple WLW Disney cosplays in a single day and even dom lesbian KinkTok roleplay — or whatever the fuck Bisexual Pirate TikTok is — deductive reasoning kind of spoke for itself.

But I will never forget the one video that was such a heat-seeking missile of a targeted attack that I was moved to finally text it to my group chat of WLW friends with a, "Wait, am I bi?" To which the overwhelming consensus was, "Magic 8 Ball says, 'Highly Likely.'"

Serendipitously posted during Pride Month, the video shows a girl shaking her head at the caption above her head, calling out confused and/or closeted queers who say shit like, "I think everyone is a LITTLE bisexual," to the tune of "Closer" by The Chainsmokers. When the lyrics land on the word "you," she points straight at the screen — at me — her finger and inquisitive look piercing my hopelessly bisexual soul like Cupid's goddamn arrow.

Oh no, the voice inside my head said, I have just been mercilessly perceived.

As someone who had, in fact, done feminist studies at a tiny liberal arts college with a gender gap of about 70 percent women, I'd of course dabbled. I've always been quick to bring up the Kinsey scale, to champion a true spectrum of sexuality, and to even declare (on multiple occasions) that I was, "straight, but would totally fuck that girl!"

Oh no, the voice inside my head returned, I've literally just been using extra words to say I was bi.

After consulting the expertise of my WLW friend group (whose mere existence, in retrospect, also should've clued me in on the flashing neon pink, purple, and blue flag of my raging bisexuality), I ran to my boyfriend to inform him of the "news."

"Yeah, baby, I know. We all know," he said kindly.

"How?!" I demanded.

Well for one, he pointed out, every time we came across a video of a hot girl while scrolling TikTok together, I'd without fail watch the whole way through, often more than once, regardless of content. (Apparently, straight girls do not tend to do this?) For another, I always breathlessly pointed out when we'd pass by a woman I found beautiful, often finding a way to send a compliment her way. ("I'm just a flirt!" I used to rationalize with a hand wave, "Obvs, I'm not actually sexually attracted to them!") Then, I guess, there were the TED Talk-like rants I'd subject him to about the thinly veiled queer relationship in Adventure Time between Princess Bubblegum and Marcelyne the Vampire Queen — which the cowards at Cartoon Network forced creators to keep as subtext!

And, well, when you lay it all out like that...

But my TikTok-fueled bisexual awakening might actually speak less to the omnipotence of the app's algorithm, and more to how heteronormativity is truly one helluva drug.

Sure, TikTok bombarded me with the thirst traps of my exact type of domineering masc lady queers, who reduced me to a puddle of drool I could no longer deny. But I also recalled a pivotal moment in college when I briefly questioned my heterosexuality, only to have a lesbian friend roll her eyes and chastise me for being one of those straight girls who leads Actual Queer Women on. I figured she must know better. So I never pursued any of my lady crushes in college, which meant I never experimented much sexually, which made me conclude that I couldn't call myself bisexual if I'd never had actual sex with a woman. I also didn't really enjoy lesbian porn much, though the fact that I'd often find myself fixating on the woman during heterosexual porn should've clued me into that probably coming more from how mainstream lesbian porn is designed for straight men.

The ubiquity of heterormativity, even when unwittingly perpetrated by members of the queer community, is such an effective self-sustaining cycle. Aside from being met with queer-gating (something I've since learned bi folks often experience), I had a hard time identifying my attraction to women as genuine attraction, simply because it felt different to how I was attracted to men.

Heteronormativity is truly one helluva drug.

So much of women's sexuality — of my sexuality — can feel defined by that carnivorous kind of validation you get from men. I met no societal resistance in fully embodying and exploring my desire for men, either (which, to be clear, was and is insatiable slut levels of wanting that peen.) But in retrospect, I wonder how many men I slept with not because I was truly attracted to them, but because I got off on how much they wanted me.

My attraction to women comes with a different texture of eroticism. With women (and bare with a baby bi, here), the attraction feels more shared, more mutual, more tender rather than possessive. It's no less raw or hot or all-consuming, don't get me wrong. But for me at least, it comes more from a place of equality rather than just power play. I love the way women seem to see right through me, to know me, without us really needing to say a word.

I am still, as it turns out, a sexual submissive through-and-through, regardless of what gender my would-be partner is. But, ignorantly and unknowingly, I'd been limiting my concept of who could embody dominant sexual personas to cis men. But when TikTok sent me down that glorious rabbit hole of masc women (who know exactly what they're doing, btw), I realized my attraction was not to men, but a certain type of masculinity. It didn't matter which body or genitalia that presentation came with.

There is something about TikTok that feels particularly suited to these journeys of sexual self-discovery and, in the case of women loving women, I don't think it's just the prescient algorithm. The short-form video format lends itself to lightning bolt-like jolts of soul-bearing nakedness, with the POV camera angles bucking conventions of the male gaze, which entrenches the language of film and TV in heterosexual male desire.

In fairness to me, I'm far from the only one who missed their inner gay for a long time — only to have her pop out like a queer jack-in-the-box throughout a near year-long quarantine that led many of us to join TikTok. There was the baby bi mom, and scores of others who no longer had to publicly perform their heterosexuality during lockdown — only to realize that, hey, maybe I'm not heterosexual at all?

Flooded with video after video affirming my suspicions, reflecting my exact experiences as they happened to others, the change in my sexual identity was so normalized on TikTok that I didn't even feel like I needed to formally "come out." I thought this safe home I'd found to foster my baby bisexuality online would extend into the real world.

But I was in for a rude awakening.

Testing out my bisexuality on other platforms, casually referring to it on Twitter, posting pictures of myself decked out in a rainbow skate outfit (which I bought before realizing I was queer), I received nothing but unquestioning support and validation. Eventually, I realized I should probably let some members of my family know before they learned through one of these posts, though.

Daunted by the idea of trying to tell my Latina Catholic mother and Swiss Army veteran father (who's had a crass running joke about me being a "lesbian" ever since I first declared myself a feminist at age 12), I chose the sibling closest to me. Seeing as how gender studies was one of her majors in college too, I thought it was a shoo-in. I sent an off-handed, joke-y but serious, "btw I'm bi now!" text, believing that's all that would be needed to receive the same nonchalant acceptance I found online.

It was not.

I didn't receive a response for two days. Hurt and panicked by what was potentially my first mild experience of homophobia, I called them out. They responded by insisting we need to have a phone call for such "serious" conversations. As I calmly tried to express my hurt on said call, I was told my text had been enough to make this sibling worry about my mental wellbeing. They said I should be more understanding of why it'd be hard for them to (and I'm paraphrasing) "think you were one way for twenty-eight years" before having to contend with me deciding I was now "something else."

But I wasn't "something else," I tried to explain, voice shaking. I hadn't knowingly been deceiving or hiding this part of me. I'd simply discovered a more appropriate label. But it was like we were speaking different languages. Other family members were more accepting, thankfully. There are many ways I'm exceptionally lucky, my IRL environment as supportive as Baby Bi TikTok. Namely, I'm in a loving relationship with a man who never once mistook any of it as a threat, instead giving me all the space in the world to understand this new facet of my sexuality.

I don't have it all figured out yet. But at least when someone asks if I listen to Girl in Red on social media, I know to answer with a resounding, "Yes," even though I've never listened to a single one of her songs. And for now, that's enough.

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da-at-ass · 4 years ago

Text

br8k

I haven't known how to talk about my life because what's happened to it is rather incomprehensible, but basically, I've managed to have a string of really exploitative friends and romantic interests throughout my life, and apparently they've all considered me an easy mark. Easy to score expensive gifts from, easy to make promises to and then let down. I'm a person who is easily confused by social engagement because I ended up forming social bonds with cats instead of humans as a child. Apparently sociopathic narcissists, or maybe narcissistic sociopaths, really love to beeline for these attributes, and really know how to pretend to be humans who I want to help. I'm always ashamed after that I could have helped someone else who actually deserved it, you know?

So when I thought my boyfriend Rune was being abused by his spouses and deprived of food and medical attention, a conclusion I reached after over a year of complaints about hunger and a growing realization that he was 'never allowed' to be alone in a room with an internet-connected device, I decided that it was time to just call the cops for a welfare check instead of driving to Reno to find out in person exactly what was up. It was March 31st, 2020, and my husband and I were realizing that Covid was already so serious that we couldn't drive from Portland to Reno and back anyway. It just wasn't gonna be feasible. We'd have to get some sign from the cops that Rune was actually in non-dire physical condition and then Rune would need to contact us on his own to arrange some sort of transport down. Maybe we could get him to friends halfway from there to here. He didn't have a car, after all, and he'd told me he didn't drive due to how many visual hallucinations he got from his road-related PTSD when he drove.

Yeah, it was all crazy. Not the conclusion that we'd come to, no. No, what was crazy was that Rune called us after the welfare check, and refused to talk to my husband when he answered the phone. Just silence. Tiff finally passed the phone to me and then I start telling Rune that everything was going to be okay and that we weren't going to give up on him as long as he wanted to get out, and that he needed to reach out on his own, because the cops were telling us that they couldn't go into the house or help him out in any way unless he requested help himself. Us sending in a welfare check meant they could just knock on the door and ask if he could come to the door. So unless Rune reached out to them or us... nothing.

Rune was silent on the phone for a bit, which was weird, as you know... he'd called us. Then he just tirades me in a preachy voice about how this was the most arrogant, presumptive thing I could have possibly done, and he sounded beside himself in outrage. I can't remember anything he said word for word, it was all too shocking and it was right after the cops had called us back and told us he hadn't come to the door, so I was already really alarmed before the call came in.

Then I tell him that I understand the signs of abuse because of stuff about being in abusive relationships Tiff had shared with both him and I. His reply? "[TIFF'S DEADNAME]? Abuse? What are you TALKING about?" in a very loud and, to be honest, performative-sounding voice.

After that the phone glitched out and called the cops again, which was probably for the best.

Tiff and I had both talked to Rune a lot about certain things to the extent that his reply was bizarre. For awhile, Tiff and I tried to understand how Rune could respond this way. And then within days he asks for "an explanation of our reasoning" like he's waiting for a homework essay. I think when you complain during every video chat I have with you for a solid year that your husbands are yet again feeding you 3 hours too late and that you've been so hungry for so long and no one's left you any food to eat and you're starting to feel afraid and abandoned, I get concerned, and I don't think that's too hard to imagine. Nah, we gotta submit an essay for this question. Well, we don't respond exactly as he wants, and then he fires us. Like, we're blocked/banned from his discord, his Patreon (where we were both reported as malicious or something), some blogs I think, and then he posts a vague breakup poem on his personal blog, and... gods, some thing about people being meddlesome do-gooders I think? IDK, by the time he was posting reactions to his blog, we were...

Thinking.

Observing.

There's only so many times I can dream about something in the same pattern until we just look up how hypnosis works, people. It's that simple. But it also was helpful to listen to back episodes of my podcast Rune had recorded with me, Circle of Salt, and hear him actually make subvocal clicks or mic pops or verbal prompts, and I would respond without thinking to exactly what his prompt was. Basically he had me on information output, just having me talk about a specific subject until I said the thing he wanted me to say, then shutting me up. We can actually see it in the sound wave patterns how fast the response is after an audio prompt.

There's text and emoji based triggers too, things to keep me updating him in text chat, things to get me to buy him something fancy when he wants. It's not very imaginative, to be honest. Largely it was set up around making sure he didn't get caught, since as we eventually figured out, Rune was hiding his relationship with me from his three husbands. He was telling me that he'd told his husbands about us dating, but it's quite obvious he was hiding some details from them, such as the fact that he'd 'proposed' to me in Second Life while they were all asleep. Well, one good way to keep your affair on the down-low is to hypnotize your fling to not blow your cover, APPARENTLY. I mean, why haven't I been talking on this blog about my relationship with Rune almost at all until after the breakup, and then, really more recently when I've been able to break some hypno stuff?

So yeah when he tells his Patreon discord server I'm a "paranoid schizophrenic"... my guess is that he doesn't want anyone believing what it is I have to say about what I've experienced from him. Well, here's where I am: I don't think he can afford a lawyer. And I don't think his magic is worth shit. And I'm not looking for a day job ever since January 2020. So I just wanna say that Rune used magic classes and seduction classes to leech money, gifts, and time away from me, and that he constantly tried to get me to buy him something when I bought myself something, and that most gifts I got from him were obviously in retrospect regifts from other sugardaddies.

Rune also told me he had sexual partners in the triple digits, he once received "magical unicorn" reiki that "cured his vampirism," that he later used said vampirism to make a pizza restaurant waiter stop showing up to work (yes same vampirism, don't expect these stories to be logical), that he knew a lady who'd had her unpublished book manuscript stolen by Donald Trump and used in a ritual to magically steal her success and then become president... oh man, do I have any more? There's so much I've never said. Oh yeah, he really enjoyed explaining feminism to women. Just really, really enjoyed it, like they'd never heard of male privilege before and he had descended from heaven to educate them.

Oh, and in late 2019 he mailed me a 1' 'statue of himself' that was basically a generic D&D mage standing with a dragon. It was a ceramic template figure you could custom paint--he said a friend of his had painted the figure to look like him. Raistlin robes and everything. He said he'd like me to put it somewhere safe in an altar setting, with some stuff to keep it company. Yeah he wanted me to set up an altar for it and worship him, basically. Well, when we called the cops, we put the statue in the basement, because we noticed how mega-weird that all was. After he posted the breakup poem on his blog, I took the figure upstairs and stuffed it into a pillowcase and slammed it against the floor. It shattered on the second swing. On the first, it left a pit in the laminate. Rune says he wants to make his mark in the world--he already has! It's the stupid dent he left in my floor.

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