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scottymcgeesterwrites · 4 years ago

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Final Fantasy XIII Review

Year: 2009

Original Platform: PlayStation 3

Also available on: Xbox 360, PC, Android, iOS

Version I Played: PlayStation 3

Synopsis:

On the planet Cocoon, those who come into contact with anything from the planet Pulse are purged to that planet. Pulse is a feared planet full of monsters and strange creatures. Both planets are ruled by fal’Cie, mechanical godlike beings who sometimes brand humans as their servants for specific tasks, called a focus. Those who fulfill their focus are turned into crystals and obtain eternal life. Those who do not fulfill their focus turn into mindless monsters. Lightning is a former soldier whose sister, Serah, is branded by a fal’Cie and taken to be purged. Lightning sets off to rescue her.

Gameplay:

Going to say this now – the worst gameplay in the entire Final Fantasy series.

The battles are Active Time Battles but instead of you inputting individual commands, there are what’s called paradigms. Paradigms are somewhat like Job Classes from the old Final Fantasy games, except less fun and more automated. You can switch to a Medic paradigm in battle and every time you press “Auto-Battle” your character automatically performs a series of necessary cure and restore spells, based on what’s going on in the battle. The Sentinel paradigm specializes in keeping the enemy at bay. The Ravager paradigm uses magic. The Commando paradigm uses physical attacks. You get the picture.

As a result, the gameplay could be best described as:

With occasional switching of paradigms whenever you see fit. You can set up a number of combinations across the characters. Two Commandos and one Sentinel. One Sentinel and one Ravager and One Commando, etc.

The party automatically heals after each battle – you can even press start during a battle and restart the battle.

I probably only used an item once or twice. I honestly don’t see why they bothered putting any items if you hardly ever use them.

You can upgrade your weapons with pieces and junk you find after battles. You find so many of them that you hardly ever think about what you’re upgrading so long as whatever you make upgrades your stats. Is this better? No? What about this? Okay, good. Moving on.

Like Final Fantasy X, the game is linear. Much more linear. You follow a long hallway for about 30 hours of the game before you can do sidequests. The sidequests involve completing other people’s focus. That’s about it. There are no towns, no inns, no villages. You are entirely on the road, constantly in battle (Okay, there’s like one time where Sazh and Vanille are in a casino or something but that’s about it).

I wrote a blog piece a while back about what exactly was wrong with Final Fantasy XIII, and it’s not that it’s linear. We play really great linear games all the time. It’s the automation – the feeling that you’re not really doing anything.

There isn’t an ounce of customization. Leveling up is similar to the Sphere Grid of Final Fantasy X. It’s called the Crystarium but it follows a strict path. You can’t actually stray anywhere or customize anything. If that’s the case, why bother making you open the menu to level up through the Crystarium? Why not just automatically do it? I guess they want to give you some ounce (more like a milligram) of control over the game.

Basically – you’re watching a long movie and occasionally get to move the people around. That’s how I see it.

Graphics:

PLAYSTATION 3 HD GRAPHICS HOMG DO YOU HAVEA BONER YET? LOOK AT THIS. FIRST FINAL FANTASY GAME IN GLORIOUS HD.

Everything is pretty in this game. Everything. There is nothing wrong with this at all.

Story:

The characters appear to reference those in Final Fantasy VII. Director Motomu Toriyama wanted Lightning to essentially be a female Cloud Strife. She’s a no-nonsense, athletic female lead. While Cloud and Squall were introspective and antisocial, Lightning is slightly different by actively ordering people around. She comes off as a dick to everyone, and that’s due to her ex-soldier background. Think of your stereotypical ex-cop/ex-CIA/ex-military action movie hero, like Liam Neeson (Bryan Mills in Taken) or Bruce Willis (John McClane in Die Hard). That’s basically Lightning.

Can we go on a short tangent for a moment to talk about how weird it is that Lightning was also used as a model for advertising in Japan?

Here she is driving a Nissan.

And wearing Louis Vitton.

Cool? I guess? Unless you start to realize that Toriyama wanted to design his own personal waifu, and that he’s completely obsessed with her. That gets really weird. And sad? A little? Anyway.

Vanille has some reminiscent of Yuffie from Final Fantasy VII, although with more character via her inner monologues and narration. Fang is vaguely like Vincent Valentine. Sazh takes the place of Barrett as the token black dude, except instead of being aggressive he’s more like the comic relief and wants nothing to do with anything. Every time you control him, jazz music plays, because black people I guess. Hope doesn’t appear to be reminiscent of anyone – he’s just this boy who yells and complains a lot with Lightning. Snow meanwhile is a ripoff of Zell from Final Fantasy VIII, except somehow even more annoying.

(Every time I see his picture I think about your typical dude bro at a frat.)

The story starts of a bit choppy as you follow almost each character separately, then they run into each other, then separate again, then join again. The first 30 hours or so gives flashbacks of 13 days prior- BECAUSE IT’S FINAL FANTASY XIII GET IT? Vanille actually narrates some events but it’s not exactly clear why or from when – but that’s a spoiler. Along the way, I got really confused because I didn’t know why some people were fighting each other when they were on the same side a moment ago. The concept of the “focus” is really weird and sometimes confusing. People with a focus simply have visions or a general idea of what they’re supposed to do, but they don’t actually know for sure unless they actively seek it. If the gods granted them a focus, wouldn’t it make more sense if the gods just told them what to do? Seemed to work in Final Fantasy XII.

In short, the narrative weaves around a lot. If you stop playing in the middle and pick up the game again months later, you’re bound to forget what’s going on. I know I did.

The characters didn’t annoy me as much as you would think they would on paper. They all have character development and that’s good. The only character that effectively got on my nerves was Snow. Snow is Serah’s fiancé, and Lightning hates him because of course you need some family drama. I don’t blame Lightning though. Snow shouts cheesy lines left and right, like “Heroes never die!”. He shouts Serah’s name the same way Christian Bale shouts Rachel’s name in the Christopher Nolan Batman films. Snow is quite possibly the most irritating character of all the Final Fantasy games. He will not shut the fuck up about what it means to be a hero.

The rest of the cast works well in that their motives and desires clash with each other. But I’m still sore about the wasted potential for a great character in Jihl Nabaat. Sazh wants his son Dejh back, who was taken to be purged by the sinister and extremely hot Jihl Nabaat.

Goddaaayyyum. Seriously, look at her.

Too bad, because she’s only featured in a handful of scenes and then dies. Her death isn’t a major spoiler, at least one that I consider, because she hardly does anything except get in the way for a moment. You don’t even fight her. How lame is that?

Then you have this annoying bastard – Primarch Dysley.

When I think of him, I think of Mitch McConnell.

Old. Disagreeable. Been in power for too long. Always in the way of progress.

Primarch Dysley happens to be as annoying as Seymour from Final Fantasy X, so expect to be overjoyed every time you run into him.

Overall, the story isn’t as bad as you’d think. You just have to pay close attention. The gameplay is far worse than the story. I could easily slip into a coma while playing this game and still make it pretty far.

Music:

Final Fantasy XII saw the departure of Nobuo Uematsu (well with the exception of the pop song “Kiss Me Goodbye”). Final Fantasy XIII continues to head into the unknown without the beloved longtime composer. This game’s score is composed entirely by Masashi Hamauzu, who if you haven’t been paying attention, already partly worked on Final Fantasy X. I immediately saw how “Saber’s Edge”, the boss theme, is similar in nature to the boss theme of Final Fantasy X.

Final Fantasy XIII made the most radical changes to the score. There are no signature themes from the series. No “Prelude” theme, no “Main Theme”, no “Victory Fanfare” theme. Instead, we get a theme called “Fabula Nova Crystallis”. It plays frequently throughout the game, and almost acts as Serah and Snow’s love theme. In some portions of the game, some woman is singing along. Yes – this is the first time where you roam around a world in a Final Fantasy game with actual pop music playing in the background – “Sunleth Waterscape” to be exact. Final Fantasy XIII’s music gets pretty poppy.

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Not saying it’s a bad idea.

Just.

You got pop music playing in the background now.

“Lightning’s Theme” is pretty sick. Her theme plays during the battles in a rendition called “Blinded by Light” – HA GET IT BECAUSE SHE’S LIGHTNING. SO CLEVER.

But Hamauzu was a good choice – the entire score holds up well and sounds like a movie score, with varying motifs running across. It can be a bit more subdued but that’s how contemporary instrumental music is nowadays, especially with film composers like Hans Zimmer.

Notable Theme:

“Blinded by Light”

Really epic, unique song. I always scat along to it as it plays.

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Verdict:

Uff.

Look, if you just search on YouTube for all the cutscenes, there you go. That’s the game. And it’s entertaining to watch. But it has the worst gameplay that doesn’t feel like you’re even doing anything. No sense of customization or originality.

Direct Sequel?

Yes, two.

Final Fantasy XIII-2.

I started it around the time it first came out, but I’m still in the middle of playing it and I have no idea what’s going on in the story. NO idea. NONE at all. They use time travel but none of it makes sense. Apparently changing things in the future can change the past. I don’t know how. I only understand a vague semblance of a plot with the bad guy Caius. While it doesn’t tarnish the dignity of the original like Final Fantasy X-2 did, it’s still offbeat with its metal (yes, metal) music and utterly confounding story. It’s infamous for this metal rendition of the sweet and innocent Chocobo theme.

Then there’s the third game, Lightning Returns: Final Fantasy XIII

I plan on playing it after I finish Final Fantasy XIII-2, if I don’t already die from an aneurysm by then. It’s supposed to be better than Final Fantasy XIII-2 but lacking in graphics.

#final fantasy #final fantasy xiii #final fantasy xiii-2 #lightning returns #lightning #final fantasy lightning #cloud strife #cloud clone #vanille #jihl nabaat #mitch mcconnell #video games #rpg #video game rpg #fantasy rpg #onvideogames

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lightwoodsmagic · 5 years ago

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Hi! So I agree Liam is queer, and the pink🔺in his video compels me not to ignore it. I saw one of your Ziam posts making its rounds after the SIU video, so I thought you were the person to ask. I only joined the fandom after Zayn left, and I’ve always had a hard time finding info on why and how that played out at the time (nobody seems to agree). Could you elaborate (or link to previous posts) on why you think Ziam is still a thing, and how they are telling us? Thanks for your insight so far!

Hi anon!

Thank you so much for thinking of me! I’m sorry it’s taken me a little while to answer, but it took me a bit to gather all the info I wanted (while I should’ve been working oop).

Okay, please know that this post is gonna be loooooong, so I’ve popped it under the cut.

You’re right about nobody agreeing on Zayn leaving the band, and it makes sense that people have differing views. It’s such a complicated thing; there was a lot happening at the time.

I’m going to start by saying there’s a brilliant masterpost about Zayn leaving here. It’s incredibly detailed, talks about pretty much every aspect of it, and there’s so much to look into. It’s also wonderful to demonstrate how much the boys and Zayn still hinted at things and loved each other, like Harry using Zayn’s mic one night, Liam talking about him fondly in interviews, Niall still calling him by his nickname, and Louis wearing his clothes.

It’s a long read, but incredibly worth it, as it this stunting timeline.

Everyone is absolutely entitled to their opinion, so I’ll just give you mine. I’m gonna keep it (kind of) short though. A lot of what I’m about to say can be found in the masterposts I’ve linked above.

I believe that Zayn leaving was out of his control, and was never completely his decision. I believe that he was set to return, but for some reason, the plan changed. Mind of Mine was apparently written before he left, and while I think he would’ve been working on solo music before he left (and that all of them were to some extent), to tease an album right after the announcement that he left makes no sense. A contract like the one that 1D had/has with Syco would cost an obscene amount of money to get out of, and Zayn’s net worth didn’t change at all. They made it seem so simple in the very few interviews with Zayn afterwards, saying he just called his security, got on a plane, and left. I think Zayn struggled a lot with everything, they all did, but I don’t think he could’ve just left. There were articles put out about his new album that mentioned Simco and everything, but when people pointed out that it didn’t make sense with the narrative that Simon felt ‘betrayed’, the references were removed straight away.

There’s also a very solid theory that MoM was counted as One Direction’s sixth and final contracted album, and it really stands up. Check it out!

Look. There’s a lot to unpack with the whole situation, and I’ve hardly touched on it at all, but I really do encourage you to look into it with everything I’ve linked above 💞

Okay, now onto the second part of your ask!

Ziam. My loooovveesss.

I’m going to start by saying that there’s a lot of ways that Liam and Zayn have hinted that they’re still together, and honestly? The boys ain’t even subtle about it. I’ll start by talking about heaps of ways they’ve done that since Zayn left!

Alright, let’s start with the fact that they WILL NOT STOP LIKING, REBLOGGING, AND RETWEETING POSTS FROM ZIAM ACCOUNTS.

(x) (x)

These aren’t subtle Ziam accounts, and it’s not just these examples. This also isn’t just something in the past; that bottom right one references Stack It Up.

They’ve also both reposted fanart from a well known Ziam where each drawing referenced the other one.

(x)

The Zayn art says ‘Love Payne’ on the beanie. Well then.

And the Liam one? That he posted on his personal insta? The artist added the ‘love’ tattoo from Zayn’s hand onto Liam’s. It’s obvious, and it’s not like Liam wouldn’t have noticed that suddenly there was a new tattoo added ON HIS OWN HAND.

Not very subtle, hey.

It’s also not the only shady social media activity related to the boys 👀

There was the time that Liam explained why he’d written ‘personally’ twice in a thank you post in his insta story to Bvlgari.

But he hadn’t. What had happened was that Twitter account @TheZiamNews had made a small mistake, and had actually written it twice. The only explanation was that Liam saw it on a Ziam update page VERY quickly, thought he had made the original mistake, and then explained. Interesting that Liam keeps up to date with them.

There was also the time Liam blocked an account for talking absolute shit about Zayn, or when Herbie Critchlow (a producer from Icarus Falls) retweeted a tweet about Common being about Ziam. Also can’t forget Brandon Colbein posting on insta about some songs he’d written, and somehow there was one for Zayn and one for Liam.

Oh, and when Liam’s friend Andy (who seems to…split the fandom, but alas) posted a video of him listening to Icarus Falls, or every single mirroring insta post Liam and Zayn can’t seem to help making.

And their eyebrow slits! 😊 this goes allllll the way back to One Direction days.

(x)

Now, this is a constant, recurring thing for them over the years.

It’s usually at the same time, and it usually signifies something.

Zayn went ALL OUT one day, just after Z*gi ‘broke up’, and put a slit in his eyebrow, but it wasn’t a normal one. It was in the shape of an L. That fucking sap. Not to be outdone though, Liam popped a lil’ Z in the graphics for his show last year in Japan.

SAPS, THE BOTH OF THEM.

Now, jewellery.

OOOOOF are we in for it now. You’re probably regretting this ask already.

Cartier.

Say that single word around someone who believes in Ziam and you’ve lost them forever.

Back in 2015 (so yes, a while ago but bear with me) during the OTRA tour, Zayn suddenly started wearing a gold Cartier bracelet. It was interesting because Zayn didn’t wear bracelets at the time. It was particularly interesting because Liam had been seen earlier that day with jewellery bags buying a present. Curious.

Or obvious.

Either or.

A similar thing happened when Zayn attended the ‘Straight Outta Compton’ premiere, one of his first appearances after he left the band. He was wearing a Hublot watch, which was also interesting because Zayn didn’t wear watches either.

But GUESS WHERE LIAM HAD BEEN 2 DAYS BEFORE THE PREMIERE?

You’re damn right, anon. It was Hublot.

Now, the Cartier love bracelet.

This picture was posted when Liam was getting ready for the Brits in 2017. For those that don’t know, the Cartier love bracelet has little screws, and can only be undone with a little gold screwdriver that comes with it.

Liam wore it everywhere that year, and so often. It didn’t make sense for it to be ‘given to him by Ch*ryl’, because they would’ve used every opportunity to show that damn screwdriver.

But they didn’t, because she didn’t have it. Zayn did.

There’s also the other matching bracelets they’ve worn by Alexander McQueen.

And also the other time Zayn wore Cartier in his film clip, or the fact that Zayn started wearing a ring on his right ring finger that was sold and marketed by Cartier AS A WEDDING RING.

They also share watches if Zayn decides to wear one, because they’re cute like that.

Now, they also share clothes.

So many clothes, ohmygod.

(x)

A prime example of this actually happened just last year! TWICE! IN NYC WHEN LIAM WAS THERE (obviously to see his husband). Both times, Liam was out and about wearing two of Zayn’s jackets.

It’s also absolutely not a coincidence that when Zayn was staying at G*gi’s apartment on Bond Street, Liam stayed at a hotel a few minutes away a number of times, but when Zayn moved to Soho, Liam suddenly switched hotels to one in Soho, a few minutes away from Zayn’s new place. Just can’t stay away from an old band mate you hardly talk to, hey.

Also can’t ignore Liam wearing numerous Kooples shirts during the time Zayn was doing promotional stuff for them. Husbands givin’ gifts.

NYC isn’t the only city that relates to Ziam though!

Ahhhhhhhh. Ziami. What a time, what a time, what a time (for you and I).

Anyway.

At the start of last year, Liam and Zayn were both in Miami at the same time filming music videos for Let Me and Familiar respectively, arriving either at the same time or a day apart. It was at a time when Zayn was all over his socials, posting poems and selfies and generally being his relaxed, gorgeous self, which wasn’t incredibly common for a while.

People were convinced they could hear Zayn in one of Liam’s insta stories, talking in the background just before Liam realises and raises his voice. It’s definitely not firm though, and Liam has someone in his team with a similar accent, but I’ve linked it so you can judge for yourself! Regardless, we knew they were both there, but it was a fun lil’ talking point!

Anyway, according to people who live in the area and know the coastline, they were in the same area at the same time, and we also knew that Liam wasn’t with Ch*ryl because she was back in the UK. Now, Liam posted an Instagram story the next morning half naked in bed, his 4 tattoo (we’ll get to that) and roses on full display, and saying he’d wrecked his voice.

Well then.

He also posted this.

It was a video, but it was Liam, in his room ‘alone’ with two desserts for breakfast at a time when we knew Zayn was there and no one else was, and he suddenly had no voice.

Okay okay, we get it.

They also consistently reference the number 25, and honestly, no one knows why the fuck.

Just casually on Liam’s jackets and shoes, Zayn’s shoes and a shirt that was sold (even the red and yellow, ffs Zayn), and also Zayn’s NECK, which he got in 2018. There was also chevrons on a collection for Zayn, just like Liam’s tattoos.

Speaking of tattoos Zayn got in 2018.

That big, red wolf on his chest just up there?

One of the biggest Ziam things to ever happen.

Red was Liam’s mic colour in 1D, everything they fucking do seems to be related to red, and Liam’s nickname is Wolfie because he’s from Wolverhampton.

It’s a red wolf, directly on his chest, and it’s 100% for Liam. It’s not the only red wolf tattoo Zayn has; he also has one on his leg with feathers, just like Liam’s feather tattoo.

The media often talk about the eyes Zayn has underneath that, and that they’re for G*gi, but the eyes underneath are so much lighter than the surrounding ink, the shape fits easily, and to me, it seems clear they’ve been done in a way that they can easily be inked over. It was designed for a cover up, and hopefully it’s coming. Zayn also has Liam’s name literally inked into his skin.

They also have coordinating hand tattoos. The mandala on Zayn’s hand and the roses on Liam’s are explained brilliantly in this post. The two of these together mean ‘Symbol of Eternity’. Fucking hell.

The three roses on Liam’s hand also translates to ‘I love you’. FUUUCCCKKKKKKK.

Liam also wore a ring for a while, until he was forced to take it off, but then he rebelled anyway, and got this.

It’s important because not only is it on his wedding finger, it’s also what he said about it, and when he got it.

Now, not only is 4 as an angel number about changing the only things that you can in a situation, but Liam directly said that’s what it was. He can’t wear a wedding ring, so he did the next best thing.

It also came when Liam and Ch*ryl became ‘official’, and when he’d already quashed marriage twice in an interview. Interesting choice, then. He also spoke of the 4 and a ring forming a halo, but still somehow shut down marriage talk?

…….okay then.

Some incredibly brilliant people pointed out that it also came just before Valentine’s Day.

And just before he started wearing the Cartier bracelet from earlier.

There’s also the blatant references to a gorgeous, loving relationship throughout Icarus Falls, especially in Common and There You Are. There You Are was pushed as a Z*gi song, but people realised it was impossible when they found old pictures of the name of the song on his original plan for Mind of Mine, and realised it just hadn’t made that album. It doesn’t fit their timeline at all, but it does fit Ziam.

We don’t see Zayn very much at the moment, and I’m glad that he’s taking his time just doing what he’s doing! It does mean that we hardly see them interact or reference each other much, but I have absolutely no reason to believe they’ve broken up. The fact that they’re both still going through PR relationship bullshit, and the timing of Liam getting a ‘girlfriend’ right now instead of just rumours is very interesting to me, because Z*gi officially finished again not that long ago. When one is ‘single’, the other can’t be, it seems.

This isn’t even everything, anon. They’re not subtle; Zayn just isn’t in the public eye as much.

Everything they do screams love, devotion, and commitment to each other.

And it’s fucking gorgeous.

#ziam #zayn leaving #ziam tattoos #ziam coincidences #zayn malik #liam payne #ziam evidence #masterpost

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hlupdate · 5 years ago

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Louis’ Interview with 1883 Magazine

Everybody knows One Direction - the band which was formed through The X-Factor in 2010 and went on to become the world’s biggest and most acclaimed boy band. Sold out tours, millions of international fans, and high-charting albums - Niall Horan, Liam Payne, Harry Styles, Zayn Malik and Louis Tomlinson created history.

However, in 2016 it was announced that One Direction will be on hiatus until further notice, which then led to each member launching their solo careers. Yet, they maintained strong from their loyal fanbase throughout the break-up and their individual journeys. 1883 Magazine sat down with Louis Tomlinson, the member who always saw himself as the outcast of the band - even though his fanbase is growing as strong as ever!

Having released collaborative singles with the likes of Steve Aoki and Bebe Rexha to being on the judging panel of The X-Factor - ever single laughing his solo career, Louis has been actively working on being the greatest version of himself to date. The past three years he has spent a lot of time in the studio working on his debut album, and recently released a taste of what we can expect from it sound-wise - his brand new single ‘Two of Us’ is a beautiful yet heartbreaking ode to his late mother and represents Louis’s unique, raw style of songwriting. During our interview at Beach Blanket Babylon in London’s Notting Hill, he spoke more about the meaning behind the single, a One Direction reunion tour and being robbed in LA.

Interviewer: I’ve had a listen to your brand new single ‘Two of Us’. What a heartfelt song about your mum! It must have been so emotional to write it.

Louis: I’ll be honest, I kinda needed to get this song off my chest really and I knew going into these sessions and writing about different things I knew I wouldn’t feel complete. So I got it off my chest. But I wasn’t ready to write that song because in my head I wanted to be four, five years into my songwriting because it is such an important song to me. Then a few writers got in touch and I went to a session with them and told them my idea, and straight away it felt perfect. I haven’t felt the confidence to write this song by myself from scratch but they gave me the confidence I needed. And then the next hours we delved into it, changed things and now the end result is something I am really proud of.

I: So you were only able to do it alongside the other songwriters?

L: Yeah, they heard the song and asked what had happened. It just made so much sense with them. It evolved and I told them the background story. And then it just kind of came together and I managed to deliver the message that I wanted to deliver. I don’t want people to be exhausted after listening to it, I don’t want people to feel weighed down. I want them to be hopeful, just like the collaborative song I did with Steve Aoki. Just getting that message across felt really liberating.

I: I really like the song; I think you delivered the message very well. Generally, do you prefer writing alone or with other songwriters?

L: Both, really. Obviously, sometimes on my own but I think where I’m at, in terms of my songwriting stage, I don’t consider myself as a proper professional yet. When I’m in these circles, it helps to be around that experience.

I: Why don’t you see yourself as a professional?

L: Because as a songwriter I am quite unique, some of these pop sessions have more structure and I am less precise in my writing. I like to not have too many limitations of what a song should be, do you know what I mean? Especially a song like ‘Two of Us’, which is biographical.

I: Do you ever have to deal with any overly obsessive fans, as in groupies?

L: I mean, there are fans everywhere I go. But you kind of start recognizing faces. In London, for example ,there are about 20 individuals who are always somehow there when I’m doing something. And they don’t know how much confidence that gives me. Like, when I do a TV show - and I’m scared of that - and the minute I see a familiar face of my fans, I feel like what I do is important. My side stuff felt like a leap of faith to me and it’s all driven by the belief of the fans who keep me going.

I: So without fans, you wouldn’t have done a solo career?

L: Oh, no! When I was in the band, everything went so amazingly. It’s very hard to have a relative way of an example of where you stand in the industry. So the fans constantly gave me reinforcement.

I: If there hadn’t been that incredible support, where would you have seen yourself after the band’s hiatus decision?

L: In my head, I would have just gotten better at songwriting, and write for other people. I hadn’t given it too much thought because us as a band didn’t have too much time to think about what we were going to do. But honestly, it sounds so generic, I wouldn't have had confidence without my fans. Now I feel empowered and it’s giving me strength. You find yourself in these do-or-die situations, and it’s been amazing so far.

I: do you think there’ll be an end to One Direction’s hiatus? Like a reunion tour or something else?

L: There’s gotta be! One hundred perfect. As far as I’m concerned, we are all good at doing our individual stuff right now and it’s great for yourself as an individual but the day we do get back together will be a magical day for all of us. I think everyone is in the same boat when it comes to this; it’s inevitable and the question is just when are we going to do it. Now that we are on this break, I can look back and say it was massive but looking from the other side you can see the influence and important. That’s really cool, just seeing our positive influence. we were such a powerhouse. It’s a no-brainer, I’m the first to sign the sheets to get back together.

I: Let’s hope so! Do you still keep in touch with the others?

L: Yeah, we’ve been through so much. Obviously some speak more than others but that’s normal. Without it sounding condescending, I was always the oldest and still feel like a duty of care. I constantly check in with all of them. We always had each other when there was stress in the band, and we don’t have that anymore because we are doing solo careers.

I: On another note, how was your X-Factor experience, and why did you decide to be on the panel?

L: Well, obviously we came from the show and it kind of feels like home. Although I didn’t have experience on that side of TV. I felt confidence because I knew what it was like. What I wasn’t prepared for, though, was how emotionally invested I would be. I felt a bit of guilt as well because there were contestants who’d participated the same year we did, and I remembered them from boot camp. So that was a weird dynamic. It was humbling, definitely.

I: What were the biggest challenges?

L: The first day of audition I was terrified, to be honest.I was proper nervous but once I had done a couple I knew I didn’t have to become this character, this TV version of myself. I realized I could just go on and look after the contestants. It’s given me great experience that I wouldn’t have had elsewhere.

I: What was it like being part of the winning team?

L: The winner stood out clearly, from the first live show he had everyone say that he is going to be a winner, and there was a lot of pressure.

I: Would you ever do it again?

L: Maybe, I loved the experience. I never say never! I’m so determined to prove a point with my music so if it interrupted that process it would be a very hard decision, to be honest. Music comes first every time for me. Maybe one day!

I: You said you are all about developing new artists, would you ever mentor one?

L: I have an imprint at Syco and I think I’ve got good music taste. I’ve always been interested in finding new bands because that seems kinda cool to me, and I had a list of a couple of bands I really liked. And since then I had that imprint deal, I’m constantly on the lookout.

I: Where do you usually lookout for these new bands?

L: BBC Introducing is great. Other than that, it’s just these tedious ways of using Soundcloud and YouTube. I think in terms of what I’m looking for is a little bit of rock, defiance, and everything instead of this clean-cut we’ve got a lot of.

I: Nothing wrong with Rock, which are your favorite Rock acts?

L: I love Oasis, I love Liam Gallagher to be honest! He’s unique and different, love him or hate him. He is a breath of fresh air. As I was growing up, and that is the reason I struggled to place myself on the radio, it was the time where guitar-driven pop really got big on the airwaves. You know, bands like The Kooks, Oasis, Two Door Cinema Club. Now, Hip Hop and R&B are taking that spot and it’s hard to relate to that. I don’t want to be too pretentious, I’m [well] aware of where I come from but I have a mission where I want to be.

I: So how would you classify your genre?

L: Oh, that’s a big question. Wow, that’s hard. In terms of what I’m looking for from a production point of view I want things to sound organic and live. Not too many programmed instruments. I want it to feel authentic. From a lyric perspective, almost like indie-pop, very conversational. All these sexy metaphors people put in their music? I ain’t got time for that. I like it straight to the point. It’s hard to classify it as a particular genre.

I: After your album release, would you go on tour again?

L: Definitely! Hopefully, I will get some dates locked in before the end of the year because I haven’t been on the road for a good three years. I miss the routine, it’s the Rock ‘n’ Roll lifestyle. You wake up at 3pm, do the show on a high, go to bed and do it all over again. It’s definitely super fun.

I: Would you ever consider performing at a festival?

L: Yeah! I did Ultra Festival with Steve Aoki in Miami. It was so good. It was a proper performance and hoped for the the best but I loved it. EDM fans are proper fanatical, they party hard! I don’t remember too much, but I came off buzzing. Those moments, going out on your one which is a different experience, just move you.

So one day, being on a festival bill would be really amazing, but I have to make that transition music-wise before approaching festivals.

I: You are also constantly jetting between Los Angeles and London, do you have plans to settle down in one of those cities one day?

L: I’m kind of used to traveling, a lot of sesions make me travel between those countries anyway...I’m just used to it now. I actually got robbed in LA, though.

I: What, how did you find out?

L: I saw it on CCTV, these f*ckers. They didn’t take anything sentimental. I haven’t actually been robbed since I was 10 years old.

I: Wow. But do you refer LA or London? I suppose LA due to the better weather?

L: I much prefer London. I feel like I’m a very British character so when I’m in LA for too long I feel too different. There are a lo tof people there who are f*ke as fuck, and they’re cold. But the locals are the cool ones, it’s the ones from the outside who try to snake you.

I: One a different note, what are you watching on Netflix right now?

L: This may sound creepy but I’m proper into Psychology so I watch sinister, dark stuff. Lots of murder mystery on Netflix, and I watch many documentaries, such as David Attenborough’s stuff. What I don’t like is Stranger Things. I can’t get into it.

I: How did you deal with the additional grief over the past few months?

L: I’m so grateful for all of my fans worldwide for their love and support, but especially over the last few months. They are always there for me and I appreciate every single one of them.

I: Are you still planning to release your album this year or have you got an other projects coming up?

L: I’m really looking forward to releasing more music in the next few months with my album coming early next year. I’m really excited to get this record out and getting back on the road too. It’s been a long process, but I’ve finally got everything into a place which I’m really happy with. I’m going to feel so relieved and proud when the fans get to hear the album!

I: Are there going to be any features on the album? I don’t think so. I think it’s important that people can see and hear a body of work and try to see who I am as an artist.

Single ‘Two of Us’ is out now.

#louis tomlinson #1883 mag #080819 #we removed a stunt mention #where the ... is

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dailytomlinson · 5 years ago

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“There were times I struggled to find my place in the band,” Louis admits today.

But it’s often the quiet ones you’ve got to look out for.

Behind the scenes he was very much centre stage: Louis was the mouthpiece, constantly fighting the boys’ corner and acting as chief negotiator between band and management.

“Being from Doncaster,” he says, “I’ve never had a problem with telling anyone ‘no’.”

“There was a while when I was worried I was getting left behind – some of the boys are on to their second album now,” he says, taking a draw onthe first of several cigarettes. “At times, I’ve been swimming against the tide, working out who I am. I was trying to find a way back into the industry, thinking of it mathematically rather than going off feeling and emotion.”

He’s referring to collaborations with Bebe Rexha and Steve Aoki in 2016 and 2017 respectively, which, although successful, weren’t where his heart lay. With Kill My Mind – the exhilarating ’90s-inspired opening track of the album Walls – he sets his stall out with a clear departure from anything he’s done before.

Walls is about regret, reflection and ultimately, hope, and feels like Louis, who sings in his still-broad Doncaster accent, has finally found his voice.

“I’ve always wanted to be autobiographical and honest. And in the last six months the songs I’ve written and recorded are of a better standard because there’s an honesty there,” he says.

Honesty certainly characterises the album, sometimes devastatingly so. There’s no escaping the fact that Louis, 28, has faced unimaginable pain over the last few years.

“It wasn’t until after I’d written it that I realised how much vulnerability I’d put in there,” he says. “When I first performed it… I had fans coming up to me in tears telling me their stories, and that’s not something I’ve ever had before. And to do it on that level about something so delicate… It was really cool to take something so dark and make people feel like that.

“I had to get a song like that off my chest. It was difficult writing about things that felt trivial compared to what was going on in my life. There was, I think, a necessity to write that song before I could move on creatively.”

Understandably, Louis won’t talk specifically about Félicité. But when asked about how grief has shaped him both as a man and an artist, he pays tribute to Jay.

“I think it’s a credit to how my mum brought me up that I have a resilience,” he says. “There’s nothing I want less than to have people feel sorry for me, so having that mentality has helped me through the hardest of times.

"I’ve also felt a real support system through my fans. I’d always felt it on a lower level, but when it’s something so impactful and life-defining, I really did feel it from them.”

Days after Jay’s death, Louis appeared live on The X Factor to perform Just Hold On with Aoki.

He was clearly in pieces and it was hard enough just watching, but somehow he held it together, presumably thanks again to that resilience.

“Sometimes it’s fight or flight,” Louis explains. “And the way I was brought up and because of where I’m from, I only see one option in that situation. I also wanted to put myself second and do it for my mum.

"That moment was bigger than me and it was actually incredibly liberating. It used every bit of strength and power and I look back on that performance as one of the proudest moments of my career.”

He says he tends not to suppress emotion and is able to share his darkest points with those he’s closest to.

But as the eldest of Jay’s seven children (five girls and two boys), he also feels a huge weight of responsibility towards his younger siblings and hasn’t had any professional therapy himself.

“No, no, nothing like that. That might be down to a bit of Northern pride, but I have a lot of responsibility on my shoulders and that drives me. I’ve got siblings who look up to me and I’ve got my grandparents as well. So all those things keep my head screwed on.

“My mum had a massive influence on me and I lived with a lot of sisters in the house, so I do find it easier to speak about my emotions. But I’m also from Doncaster, where to be a guy is to be tough and traditional and I feel like [there are] times where pride kicks in and I just say I’m all right.

"I’m lucky that I’ve got good people around me who I can trust and who I can be completely vulnerable with and say how I feel. Nine times out of 10, I don’t bottle things up. I wear my heart on my sleeve.”

They sold 20 million albums worldwide, earning over £40million each, but the pressures of fame were, at times, intolerable. Louis says they were only able to keep their heads screwed on because they had each other.

“You can never be prepared for that. It was such a head f**k. But we grounded each other so the minute one of us acted like a d**khead one of the others would say: ‘Stop being a d**khead’. I see people in this job surrounding themselves with superiority and they lose the concept of the real world.”

He remembers doing a shoot with the band for Pepsi over in the States with American footballer Drew Brees.

“This guy was like a god and we were insignificant when he was around, which we understood. But I’ve never seen anything like it. Every sentence that came out of his mouth he’d have an audience of hangers-on in hysterics.

"These people were so far up his arse and he didn’t have one good joke. He had no banter! I still hang around with my boys from Doncaster and I hear real stories all the time, which helps me understand the world that unfortunately I don’t get to see. Having empathy with people and a connection with the world is imperative for any songwriter.”

Harry Styles recently said that he never touched drugs during his time in the band (although he’s made up for that since), because he didn’t want to “mess it up”. Louis smiles as he confides that he can’t say the same.

“All I’ll say is that I did my fair share and enjoyed my time in the band. It’s right what Harry said and it was smart of him, but I definitely had a lot of fun in the band. I was always aware of how amazing the opportunity was, but also enjoying the moment for what it was. I lived like anyone else my age – the difference was that I was in One Direction.”

He’s in touch with Harry, Niall and Liam “sporadically” (we’ll come to Zayn shortly), but they’re all on very different paths for now.

“If we all went to a pub tomorrow it’d be like we’d never left. The enormity of what happened in One Direction creates a massive bond and we’ll always have that.

"There have been times when we’ve done each other’s heads in. There might be something I say in an interview that bugs Liam or vice versa, but we all know what each other is like and we can call each other up and say sorry for being a d**k. We’re like brothers.”

But that’s not necessarily the case with Zayn, who quit in 2015 and with whom Louis has had a turbulent relationship since. He was hurt when Zayn was the only one not to turn up at the X Factor studio to support him through his performance after Jay’s death, despite promising to be there.

Then there’s Zayn’s apparent repeated digs. In one interview he branded 1D’s music “generic as f**k”. There’s a difference between making a break from the past and dismissing it completely, and it’s a line Zayn perhaps hasn’t always managed to walk.

“Hmm,” agrees Louis, cautiously. “Other than maybe Niall, there is no one who is prouder of the band and the songs we created than me. But while what I did with One Direction is relevant, it doesn’t define who I am and I don’t struggle to make that dissociation.”

Does he think some of what Zayn has said has been disrespectful?

“Yeah, I do. But I can understand it. We have a lot of situations where we’re sat in interviews and if you’re in a certain mood you might run your mouth. The older you get the more you can tell if these things actually carry any malice or if they’re just a prod in the back. That’s life, innit? Sometimes people chat s**t and that’s the reality.”

He’s not ruling out resolving their differences in the future, but there’s no olive branch on the horizon.

“No, but I’ve not actively tried. We’ve all got a lot on our plates and there might be a day where I wake up and think: ‘OK, I want to right that wrong’, but not yet.”

After being in his company for a while, it’s not hard to see why Louis was 1D’s driving force backstage. He’s thoughtful, articulate, open and self-aware, but there’s a steeliness to him and the requisite pop-star swagger, which doesn’t seem to spill over into arrogance.

And that is reflected in his music, which is heavily influenced by the Arctic Monkeys, The Smiths and Oasis. In fact, the title track and latest single Walls sounds so similar to Oasis B-side and fans’ favourite Acquiesce that Louis’ manager flagged it as a potential issue.

“These kinds of things happen. There are only so many melodies you can write and if you listen to a band all the time like I do with Oasis…”

Anyway, says Louis. He had to make a choice.

“I was ready to risk it, but everyone said we should get in touch with Noel [Gallagher] so we did. Often the industry, and especially Noel’s world, can be a bit snobby and say: ‘F**k you you’re not using this song’. But he was really cool about it, signed it off no problem and although I’m sure he’s not happy about this, I f**king am, I’ve got a writing credit from Noel Gallagher on my album. That is some sick s**t so I’m buzzing.”

Is he nervous about going it alone? “I think I’ve got a good record so I’m confident. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t little bit nervous – there’s three and half years work gone into it so there’s a level of anticipation.”

The most overwhelming emotion though, is relief.

“Because it’s taken such a long time. I’m excited to go on to the next phase of my career.”

#louis tomlinson #tw death #020220 #wpress #tw drug #fizzy tomlinson #the sun #fabulous magazine #im tired alrady #stunt mention #i cleared it up

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missytearex · 5 years ago

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This is a bit late, but I heard it was @uhohmorshedios‘ birthday yesterday, so let’s reflect on all the wonderful fic that she has shared with us in the last year!

🎉 Ladies Night Inn

twylexis | 15k | teen and up

She’d always known Alexis is beautiful. But tonight’s the first time she’s really seen her. And she’s not just beautiful. She’s vulnerable and strong and carefree and thoughtful, and because she’s so open, you can see all of that in her aqua eyes. It’s breathtaking.

She’s breathtaking.

---

What if Twyla had accepted Alexis' invitation to a ladies night in her motel room after she and Mutt broke up?

🎉 Rear View

zaynshaw | 12k | mature --- from @1drarepairfest

“So,” Nick says, “Still have a few things left to do tonight, you say? Could I help at all?”

“You want to get your hands a little dirty, do you?” Zayn prods.

“Well, I might as well, I suppose.” Nick takes his coat and scarf off and scans the garage for a safe, clean place to set them down. “Maybe be slightly less useless next time something happens? Plus, you look desperate for another pair of hands.”

Zayn motions to a leather bench seat on the ground a few yards away. “You can set your stuff there. Cleanest seat in the house.”

“Hmmm,” Nick hums, walking back over towards Zayn, rolling up the sleeves of his black button down to reveal very slim but toned forearms. “So,” he says when he’s next to him, peering into the engine, “how can I be of service?”

___

Nick's car breaks down at the start of a road trip and Zayn's the mechanic who tows him to his small town, where it looks like he'll be stuck for a few days.

🎉 A Little Bit Go Girl

twylexis | 4.7k | explicit --- from @open-fic-night

She can feel tonight still. She can feel the way Twyla’s kisses hadn’t just been for fun. There had been intention behind them. Need. Alexis smiles and shifts in bed, squeezing her eyes shut and willing herself to sink into the mattress, as though this stupid motel bed has absolutely any give at all. She flutters her eyelids before closing them firmly again, focusing on how tonight, with Twyla, it hadn’t just been Twyla’s lips pressed into hers that she’d felt, or the light touch of Twyla’s fingers dancing softly but purposefully over her skin. It was light touches that somehow ignited sparks in her skin that rippled outward. It was kisses she felt in her throat and her lungs. Kisses she felt in her core. Kisses she could still feel now.

When Alexis can't sleep after Twyla leaves her motel room, she spends some time trying to process what happened and what it means. And David comes home the next morning wanting details.

Alexis POV Ladies Night Inn timestamp.

🎉 Take a Chance, Just Feed Me

larry | 4.3k | explicit

He’s in the midst of marveling over how Harry can be simultaneously dorky and hot, how he can just be so… much... of everything at all times, when–

“Cute as a button, every single one of you!”

Oh no.

Just like that, Louis loses the battle against his own smile. The crinkles around his eyes deepen and spread out in a fan as his bottom lip breaks free from the grip of his teeth.

He’s done for.

Louis needs some time alone with Marcel, and he’s hoping Harry will play along.

🎉 (marshmallow) fluff

larry | 2.6k | general audiences --- from @wordplayfics

Harry and Louis spend a quiet(ish) morning at home with their kids.

🎉 Pals and Confidantes

gen | 2.5k | general audiences --- from @1dshortficfest

The Guys sit around the kitchen table sharing cheesecake and stories of bad dates.

Golden Girls AU.

🎉 A Way So Familiar

ziam | 2.4k | teen and up --- from @1dshortficfest

Liam squeezes Zayn’s hand and presses a light kiss to his fingers. He freezes when Zayn stirs, worried he’s woken him. He’s not ready to wake him. He’s enjoying being held as he wades through the memories of that first night he'd held Zayn. Held him so properly and thoroughly that he had fallen asleep still holding him tightly.

That night of pizza and beer and unadulterated flirting, when their playfulness had taken on a greater significance. It had felt revelatory. Like it was all finally – fucking finally – happening.

Liam wakes up in Zayn’s arms and reminisces about some of their “firsts.”

🎉 That's My Thing

tomlinshaw | 1.6k | explicit --- from @wordplayfics

“Suppose I did it on purpose.”

And Louis’ eyebrow jumps again, just for a moment.

“Did you now?” His eyes flash, an underlying playfulness belying the anger painted across his, fuck, absolutely sharp as knives cheekbones. “Wanted a bit of trouble, maybe?”

All Nick can do is nod, tightly and rapidly. His tongue darts out to wet his lips, eager for Louis to demand he put them to work.

Nick comes home to find Louis inexplicably primed for a fight...or perhaps something a bit more interesting.

🎉 Word Play

lirry | 1.3k | teen and up --- from @wordplayfics

Liam's frustrated over grading his students' papers and Harry tries to cheer him up.

🎉 I got this one.

shiall | 0.6k | general audiences --- from @wordplayfics

Shawn reflects on the seemingly mundane moment he knew Niall was for him.

🎉 What's Mine is Yours

narry | 0.4k | general audiences

Niall is settling in for a relaxing evening at home when his new neighbor pops by.

🎉 Tin Roof

zouis | 0.3k | general audiences --- from @wordplayfics

Zayn and Louis get caught in the rain on a walk through the woods and seek shelter.

Remember to leave kudos and comments to support the author!

#happy birthday!#author spotlight #author rec #fic rec #my recs #my lists

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dinosaursmate · 5 years ago

Text

The giving-addicted @cher1808 donated £10 to Liam’s Charity Drive for The Way Youth Zone and requested a drabble!

She sent me this post with no further instruction so here it is. Since Cher donated three times the donation amount I asked for, I didn’t mind getting a bit carried away so this is 1700 words LOL

Drabbles for Donations - Information

Finally.

Blood, sweat and tears had led Harry up to this point and he was so pleased - and relieved - that his third album was finally coming out. It had been a long time coming, and Harry felt the need to celebrate. There was, of course, the album launch party, but he absolutely needed to throw a party all of his own.

He handed his assistant the details and guest list for her to organise it. Harry, of course, didn’t have time to plan a party himself. He did, however, want to invite a few people personally.

His plane had just landed in London and, after all his texts had pulled through, he opened Whatsapp and opened his chat with Louis. Louis was a gorgeous and very sweet man Harry had met backstage at Manchester Arena on his last tour, and although they hadn’t seen each other very much, they were in constant contact via Whatsapp. They had just hit it off, somehow, and they could exchange messages for hours and hours.

But Harry was going to hold his album party in Manchester, and he couldn’t wait to invite Louis. He quickly tapped out a text, distracted as he weaved through people.

‘Hey Lou, I wanted to invite you to an album party! It’ll be next week, I’ll let you know the finer details but I really hope you can make it :)’

Louis stared at his phone. His palms were clammy. His friendship with Harry was, he supposed, a little unusual. Harry was a megastar - Louis met megastars all the time, of course, working backstage at Manchester Arena - but they had become fast friends and although they had only actually met three times, Louis considered them as quite close.

But… close enough for Harry to invite him to this kind of party? Just out of the blue like that?

Louis took a deep breath. Okay, sure. He could do this. He liked Harry a lot, and would love to see him. It wasn’t that weird. Right? Right?

He sighed and started to type a reply.

‘Not a message I ever expected from you hahaha but yeah I’m up for it x’

Louis dropped his phone to the sofa. Well, he supposed that he should go shopping. He couldn’t show up empty handed, after all.

“You look nice,” Harry’s assistant told him.

“Why thank you, Catherine.”

Cat frowned. She hated it when he called her that. Regardless, she fixed his collar before smiling.

“You’re good.”

Harry left his room and headed towards the stairs. He stood at the top, watching the smattering of guests, chatting away in the foyer. His official album launch had about five times as many guests, most of whom he wasn’t even on first name terms with. His guests cheered and clapped and raised glasses of champagne as he descended the stairs. This small gathering meant so much more to him. These were the people who helped him get to where he was, and without them, this album never would have come to fruition.

Harry got to the bottom of the stairs and was enveloped with love and congratulations. He mingled about for a bit and, as he was chatting to one of his album’s producers, the doorbell rang. Being right by the front door, he answered it himself.

Louis’ hands were shaking, only slightly. It was just that he had never been to this type of party before, and he was nervous. He didn’t know what to expect, or what was expected of him.

He wasn’t sure if this kind of party was operated under the same social rules as others, but Louis turned up a little late all the same. When he rang the doorbell, he was let in by the man himself.

“Hi, Louis!” Harry gasped happily and pulled him in for a hug. “I am so glad you made it.”

“Well, I’ll try anything once. Especially as it’s a good excuse to see you.” Louis cleared his throat and looked around self consciously. There were women here. He didn’t expect to see women, but he supposed it did make sense. “You look nice.”

“So do you,” Harry replied, looking Louis up and down.

“I’m glad to see I’m not overdressed. I didn’t know whether or not you dressed nice to these sorts of things?”

Harry shrugged noncommittally. “I don’t care what you wear. I’m just glad you’re here.”

“That’s so nice,” Louis said, smiling. “Um, so… I wasn’t sure what to bring, but I settled on a couple of things I’ve enjoyed in the past.”

Louis handed Harry the small gift bag. Harry smiled, tilting his head as he looked inside the bag.

“Oh my God!” Harry screeched.

Everybody turned to look, and Louis felt his face turn beetroot red. Harry grabbed his arm and pulled him through the kitchen and into the utility room.

“I-” Harry shook his head, eyes crazed and lips not sure if they should be smiling or not. “Is this some kind of joke I don’t get?”

“Am I not supposed to bring my own things? I’ve never been to one of these things.” Louis wrung his hands together, anxiety making him feel a bit wobbly. “Sorry.”

“You-” Harry let out a laugh. “I understand you’ve not been to an album party before, but I don’t understand how you made the leap to bringing lube and… what even is this?”

Harry pulled out the box of textured penis sleeves as Louis’ brain began to short circuit. A… what party?

“Harry,” Louis said, positively shaking, now. “You invited me to a sex party.”

“What?” Harry squeaked. “I invited you to an album party.”

“No!” Louis replied desperately, pulling his phone out of pocket. “That is not what you said!”

Harry made indistinct noises of confusion. Louis was feeling much the same as he opened Whatsapp, feeling only about one percent better when he realised he hadn’t misread Harry’s message.

“Look!”

It was altogether very amusing and slightly arousing, Louis turning up to the album party with fucking sex toys.

Harry took Louis’ phone, trying not to smirk. He could tell Louis was very embarrassed. His face fell when he peered at the message on the screen.

‘Hey Lou, I wanted to invite you to anal bum party! It’ll be next week, I’ll let you know the finer details but I really hope you can make it :)’

“No!” Harry screeched. “That’s not the text I sent!”

“Clearly it is!”

No, no, no. Harry frowned and thought back to when he sent the message. He was speed-walking through the airport. He was in a hurry to get home. He wasn’t paying attention, and he certainly didn’t proofread the message before he sent it.

“Oh. My. God,” Harry whispered before bursting into hysterical laughter. “Oh my God!”

“Don’t!” Louis wailed. “I’m so fucking embarrassed.”

“Did it never occur to you that I wanted to invite you to anal bum party doesn’t make any grammatical sense?!”

“No!” Louis finally let out a laugh. “God. I just saw the word anal and blacked out.”

Harry cackled again and threw an arm around Louis’ shoulders.

“Look, let’s just… leave this bag in here.” Harry placed it on top of the tumble dryer. “So, you came here to get dicked, huh.”

“Not- not necessarily.”

“You came for an anal party.”

Louis whined. He was never going to live this down. Even if Harry stopped teasing him, he would never let himself forget it, and how utterly stupid he was.

“You’re a good sport,” Harry continued. “You moved out of your comfort zone, picked up supplies and dutifully turned up to an anal bum party, ready to take whatever comes at you.”

“I wasn’t going to take whatever came at me. I’m not, like, into super casual sex like that. But.. I don’t know. I thought it might be an interesting life experience to have.”

“Right.” Harry chuckled quietly, leading Louis back towards the party. “Well, I’m very glad you’re at my album party, and I’m very sorry but if you want to have sex with any of my guests, you’re gonna have to try a bit harder than you thought.”

Louis glared at Harry. “I’m perfectly fine with not doing that.”

Harry shrugged. He was attracted to Louis, of course he was, and the wild thought of I should have a sex party popped into his head. It left as just as quickly.

“Don’t let me forget that bag,” Louis said as they emerged back into the party. “That stuff was expensive. There are some really good condoms in there.”

“Oh yeah?” Harry said, smirking.

“Yup. And the lube is good, too. Warming. And I got organic, of course, because I know you like organic stuff.”

Harry stopped walking. Louis bought lube that he knew Harry would like?

“Louis,” he said slowly, his tone slightly teasing. “When you came for this anal bum party, were you hoping to have anal bum fun with the host? How ambitious.”

Louis blushed furiously and Harry almost felt bad for teasing him. Almost.

“Look,” Louis said, embarrassed. “As I said, I’ve never been to a sex party. I just kind of thought if I was going to do anything, it should be with the one person at the party I knew.”

“I see.”

“Anyway!” Louis said, his voice increasing in pitch. “Don’t pretend you’ve not flirted with me on Whatsapp.”

Harry just looked at Louis, a small smile on his face.

“Tell me about that little box.”

“What?”

“Something about a penis sleeve.”

Louis went red again. “Uh… yeah. They’re, like, little textured sleeves to put on your shaft. They’re a novelty, if anything, to be honest, but I thought they might be fun.”

“I see.” Harry slipped his arm from around Louis’ shoulders and reached down to squeeze his hand. “Get yourself a drink, mingle if you want, but come find me a bit later.”

Louis nodded and Harry walked away.

Harry felt as though the ice had been broken, in a massive, massive way. If Louis wanted organic sex with the host of this party, well.

He might just get it.

#liam 26 drabbles #okay i didn't proofread this cos the second hand embarrassment is too strong #drabble

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endofjunee · 6 years ago

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📖 sweet, sweet fate by @bottomlinsons Harry’s lived with a NSFW soulmark for almost twenty-five years now. When he finally meets the man responsible, he gives him a little piece of his mind. 🌷 Everywhere And Nowhere by @2tiedships2 Niall took a seat and said, "Apparently Louis' downstairs neighbor is a fan of giving Louis creepy gifts. Maybe I should go introduce myself and tell him that Louis actually prefers food." "What has he given you?" Liam asked.Louis shrugged as it were no big deal. "There was a rabbit's foot keychain on the door a little after he left from introducing himself and there was a small teddy bear sitting by my door tonight. Obviously I can't prove it's from him, but they seem to have his scent. I could be wrong though." "Wow," Liam said, looking deep in thought. "That's old school." "What's old school?" Niall asked. "Giving creepy gifts?" "I've never known an alpha to do it, to be honest, but he's courting you." Louis couldn't contain his look of disbelief directed at Liam. "He's courting me. Like some sort of romantic shit they'd do in the 1800s or something?"

📖 all we can do is keep breathing by @avocadolouie “Harry, I-I’m so sorry…” Louis stutters out, trying to keep his voice level and even, to portray a depiction of strength, but with the way Harry is looking at him, staring at him like he has a personal passage way straight to Louis’ soul, it’s so hard, nearly impossible. That simple opening phrase, that short introductory acknowledgement that is often rushed out so easily, painlessly, at a safe distance. Giving a doctor the ability to portray empathy without true emotion, without feeling the full brunt and sheer force of the underlying pain itself. But Louis feels it, he feels the crushing agony laced behind the phrase, he feels the weight of the painful words slipping from his lips, the cause and effect that the three-word expression holds. The distantly empty “I’m so sorry” that doctors throw out in self-preservation, isn’t at all empty for him. Louis recognizes it, he understands it, he feels it. Or, a fated story of two broken and battered boys who barely survived the unimaginable and how the love of one little brave girl defies all the odds and somehow puts them back together. 🌷 Baby Honey by @bringmetheharry “Lou, did you see these little baby tea boxes I found yesterday?” He tossed one towards Louis and watched as it thumped Louis in the head. Louis groaned and reached for the little box, rolling it around in his hands, “If you’re about to make a joke about me. I strongly suggest you don’t.” Harry frowned and bounced his tea bag in the water watching the liquid darken, “M’ not! I just thought the baby tea boxes were cute.” Louis’ eyes narrowed and he looked at the tiny boxes, and back at Harry. Harry watched, he could see the wheels turning inside of Louis’ mind. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other. Louis looked at the box once more and back at Harry Or, After four years of Marriage, Harry discovers he is expecting. He could go home and hand the ultrasound photo to his amazing husband, Louis. Or… he could have some fun with this. Only Louis catching on to all the hints Harry is dropping. Or is he? 📖 Do You Wanna Ride by @phd-mama When Liam’s attractive new business partner wins riding lessons with Harry, hilarity ensues. 🌷 Tainted Saints And Velvet Vices by @toomanylarrytears A self-fulfilling Hogwarts AU in which Louis is new to seventh year and Harry is the resident devil-may-care Slytherin set to make his entire experience a living misery. Due to less than favourable circumstances they’re forced to forge an unwilling, tentative relationship for their own survival. Repressed emotions, decidedly unromantic ballroom dancing, Triwizard Tournament tasks, creative jinxes and twilight flying above the Forbidden Forest ensue. 📖 the act of making noise by @suspendrs “Oh,” Harry frowns, waving him off. “No, I could never. I respect myself too much to sing for a living.” It feels like a slap across the face, but Louis does his best not to stiffen, blinking once and then frowning. “What?” “Those people are always so miserable, you know?” Harry says, hopping down off his stool and straightening his sweater. “There’s so much pressure on them, and they have to work so hard to keep up appearances, I can’t even imagine how difficult that is. I can’t even stand to listen to pop music today, let alone watch TV or read the magazines. It makes me so sad, thinking that those people, you know, the ones who actually went into it with heart, they only ever just wanted to make music and instead they got turned into things on leashes being paraded around to make money for other people,” he says. “Anyway, you can have the stool.” Or, Louis’s famous, Harry has no idea who he is, and they get snowed in together at a ski lodge in Vermont. 🌷 Laundry Room by @thelovejandles The third Wednesday of the new year, Louis finds himself in the laundry room, just as he was the last Wednesday and the one before that. He’s doing pretty well with his New Year’s resolution. The only problem so far is the company he finds in the laundry room. It seems that it’s just him and one other boy who’ve chosen late Wednesday nights as prime laundry-doing time. That wouldn’t be a problem except for who the other boy is. He’s seen this boy around; it’s hard to miss the long-legged, long-haired dream that lives in Louis’ complex. He likes to wear very sheer shirts and very high boots; he is incredibly fucking gorgeous and yeah, Louis’ noticed him but he’s never spoken to him. Until tonight, apparently. Or, Louis and Harry are both students living in the same apartment complex. They end up having the same laundry night and time. Louis can’t stop staring at Harry and he can’t figure out why Harry consistently points out Louis’ inside-out shirts, and his untied shoes, and messy hair. Enter slow burn-ish flirting, banter, awkwardness, and a lot of laundry. 📖 your rainbow will come smiling through by @hazkabaan When harry isn’t working at his stepfather’s cafe, he’s trying to make swim captain and trying to finish all his coursework on time. when he’s not doing any of those things, he’s talking to the boy he met on the oxford hopefuls subreddit. when they decide to meet, he’s elated. he finally gets the chance to meet the boy he’s been crushing on! when the day comes to meet his prince, he learns that his online crush is none other than louis tomlinson, captain of the football team and friend of his terrible stepbrothers. now harry has to decide whether telling louis the truth is the right choice or if it’s better to just let sleeping dogs lie. Or, a cinderella story au 🌷 Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now by @allwaswell16 Louis is having a personal crisis, a third Valentine’s Day being single. Unless he meets someone this week at the high end department store he works at, he’ll be stuck going to Niall’s Valentine’s Day party–again. Or, the one where Harry mistakes Louis for a mannequin. 📖 Falling For Me Won’t Be A Mistake by @all-these-larrythings Harry is married to his job and so overworked that he doesn’t know how to stop. All it takes is a forced Hawaiian get-a-away, the warm tropical breeze of the island, and the most beautiful, elusive man he’s ever seen to make him remember what living is like outside of work. Well, that, and the little souvenir he accidentally takes home with him. 🌷 Latching Onto You by @reminiscingintherain “Wait a sec,” Harry interrupted. “Zayn and Liam?” “Yeah, my best mates, who are getting married?” Louis said slowly, slightly baffled at the question. “This is a gay wedding?” “Is that going to be a problem?” Louis asked, his voice losing its friendly edge and taking on a decidedly icy tone. Or, the one where Louis wants to book Harry Styles to perform at his best friends’ wedding. 📖 Face Your Fears by @sadaveniren Harry is a single father, pretending to be a beta after his alpha mated him and left him. He’s getting by just fine raising the twins when Louis walks into his bakery. Too bad him and Louis will never be a thing. 🌷 streetwise hercules by @bottomlinsons “I said,” Louis’ voice is venomous, “who the fuck is this?” Right. This is Harry’s part. Or Uni AU, where Louis pretends to be Harry’s boyfriend to scare away his one night stands. 📖 Counterbalance by @louandhazaf Harry Styles loves two things: teaching ballet and racing motorcycles. Those two worlds collide when his greatest rival on the track, Louis “Tommo” Tomlinson brings his tiny siblings to Harry’s class. 🌷 cut your teeth on my heart by @turnyourankle (WIP) Louis has worked as a security officer for years, but he’s handed his first opportunity to be team lead. The assignment is nothing like what he expected. Harry has spent years trying to distance himself from the pressure of the Twist name and legacy. But it’s going to be hard to avoid when his mum hires him a bodyguard. 📖 wild love twisting all over for you by @angelichl Harry and Louis meet on the set of a video.

#my fic rec #monthly recs #larry fic rec #hl fic rec #fic rec #i put a read more line at some point but im sure it wont work on mobile sorry #enjoy #and please don't come at me #i read so much stuff #this is just a nice way to keep track of it #if your fic is on this #thank you #i liked it very much a lot

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warpedtourniall · 5 years ago

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To help your inspo I’ll give two options for ziall, how about 16 or 20?

I’m gonna go w 16 “Things you said with no space between us” and let’s, uh, [spins wheel] try that young broke nyc au i’ll never really write

Even the breeze is too hot, thick with humidity, blowing in off the river. From here Zayn can see the spangled slash of Brooklyn’s lights across the water, where he should be getting off the L and going to bed.

He has work in the morning, after all, and this party’s not living up to the hype.

It should be cooler up here on the roof but it’s not. This building is one of those rent-controlled disasters, the landlords leaving repairs untended so they can oust the tenants and remodel. It’s been a stalemate for years, with the paint peeling and the hallway lightbulbs burnt out and the bathroom sink in Niall’s apartment not draining properly. When Niall uses the microwave built in above the stove in his postage stamp-sized kitchen there’s a fifty percent chance he blows a fuse and has to go into the crawlspace to flip all the switches in the breaker box, only the light of his phone to go by.

But the rent is cheap enough and it’s down on the lower East, where everything’s easy to get to and it feels like really living in New York. Zayn’s rented room in Bushwick feels like living in New York too, but in a windowless, depressing, nine hundred dollars a month way. Niall’s place is so dilapidated and central that it’s romantic, somehow.

Plus it’s got roof access, and a decent view up here. They’ve dragged a dozen lawn chairs up and now that they party’s going as hard as it’s likely to, they’re all occupied. New couples cuddled together despite the heat; girls texting their friends, seeing where the next stop on a long night of social engagements might be; Harry plugging his phone into the speakers and putting on something indie and sentimental.

Zayn puts his palms flat on the ledge that spans the roof’s perimeter. If he looks out over the city he feels it, that impossible, romantic feeling of being here. Being swept up in it. When they’d all been in school upstate, taking the train down to the city for the day was a melting treat in his sweaty palm, uncomfortable and temporary and so delicious he couldn’t contain himself, and now…

He finds Niall across the roof in the press of people, always at the center of something. His hair has grown out, and only the barest ruffle of blond remains. He’s laughing; Liam has shown up, and has one bare arm thrown around Niall’s shoulders, laughing with him. Zayn wonders if Louis will turn up tonight. It seems like since graduation it’s been hard to get the five of them in the same room.

Truth be told Zayn wouldn’t have come out tonight except it’s Niall, and when Niall asks him to come to one of his rooftop parties he asks like he means it. He remembers something they were talking about the last time they hung out and follows up about it; he takes a picture of himself at the bodega getting the Brooklyn pennant ale Zayn’s been drinking lately. Zayn can’t say no to him.

And because when they were in undergrad Zayn had always meant to kiss Niall at a party like this, and it’d never happened, so he keeps coming to them to see if the pull is still there.

He watches the gleam of sweat on Niall’s neck as he throws his head back and laughs at one of Liam’s jokes. Zayn wants to lick it off.

The pull is still there, then.

Harry finds him a moment later, still nursing his beer, watching Niall. Harry has abandoned his phone to the aux cable, even though more people seem to be showing up every minute, people Zayn doesn’t recognize. But that’s Harry: if somebody walks off with his phone, he won’t be bothered. He’ll embrace the opportunity to live off-grid until his parents send him a new one.

“You’re gonna burn a hole in his top, staring at him like that,” Harry says. He’s drinking what looks like bourbon over ice in a moderately clean mason jar. When he leans in Zayn can smell the cloying scent of ginger ale undercutting the liquor.

Instead of answering, Zayn shrugs. Harry knows Zayn’s got… A crush, he guesses, is what you’d call it. Or, everybody knows Zayn’s got a crush. He’s not subtle, and he’s given up trying to be. At this point if Niall doesn’t know it’s got to be willful ignorance.

“Zayn,” Harry says, in the way that means he’s accidentally gotten too drunk while sitting down, and now that he’s standing it’s hit him all at once. “I think he’d be down, if you just… Asked him.”

Zayn takes a moment, finishes the last of his beer. It would be that easy, he thinks, because Niall likes to have fun, and isn’t the type to make it complicated or awkward in the morning. Zayn could pull him aside, into the rooftop’s sole dark corner beside the door to the stairwell. He could kiss him, and Niall would probably be up for it, would let the party go on while they fumbled their way back downstairs and into Niall’s bed, which is just a mattress on the floor. They could have the sort of unromantic, un-air conditioned sex Zayn’s friends are always having now that they all live here and hate their jobs and feel the looming weight of their dreams. Zayn could wake up next to Niall knowing he took the chance, and maybe Niall would walk him to the door and kiss him, but the more Zayn thinks about it the more he feels dizzy and sick in a way that has nothing to do with the beer he’s been drinking.

“I don’t know,” Zayn tells Harry, which seems to cover most of his feelings even if it doesn’t plumb their depths. “I don’t think it’s meant to happen.”

Because if Zayn had thought in college about kissing Niall at a party like this one, since they all moved down into the city and started what he was still naively thinking of as “grownup life,” he’s been thinking about moving around him in his tiny kitchen, about assembling a flat-pack bed frame with him to get his mattress off the floor, and sleeping beside him, close despite the humidity. When Niall’s working on a film down in the financial district and Zayn is temping at some soulless office building nearby and they meet up for lunch Zayn thinks about making two sandwiches in the morning, about taking the same train to different stops with Niall, about coming home to him.

He’s considering the possibility that it’s not really a crush, anymore.

The music pauses awkwardly as a text tone chimes from the speakers.

“Oh, shit, my phone,” Harry says, and vanishes.

Zayn turns back to the edge of the roof, slouching so he can lean his forearms on the ledge. He doesn’t like looking down, but he suspects it’s good for him. It’s healthy to let the terror pass over him, to open his eyes to it until the lights below resolve themselves. Taxis stuck in midnight traffic. Cigarette lighters. Lampposts.

“Are you looking aesthetically tragic on purpose?”

It’s Niall, suddenly close behind Zayn. He’s gotten entirely too much sun this summer; his face is red, which might just be from drinking, but Zayn can make out the faint fuzz of his nose peeling.

“How else am I going to get handsome boys to come talk to me?” Zayn asks, and watches Niall’s blush deepen.

I could fall in love with you, he thinks. If I let myself, it would be so easy.

“You need another drink? Ice cube down the back of your shirt?” Niall asks. “I’m roasting up here.” He tugs the collar of his sleeveless shirt away, and Zayn chases a bead of sweat down his chest with his eyes.

“Think I’m heading home pretty soon, actually,” Zayn says. The L is still fucked up on weekends - who knows how long it’ll take him to get home.

“Noooo,” Niall says, putting his sweaty arms around Zayn’s neck. It’s entirely too warm for anybody to be touching anybody else, but Zayn doesn’t lean away. He leans in instead, presses his sweaty cheek to Niall’s sweaty neck.

“I’ve got to,” he says. “I’ve got work tomorrow.”

Niall makes a dismissive noise, not letting Zayn out of the hug. “Crash with me,” he says.

Zayn searches the words for a hidden meaning: come to bed with me, maybe. Stop letting yourself drift apart from all our friends, more likely. You haven’t been out with us properly in weeks and friendships take work after college.

“I can’t go to work dressed like this,” Zayn says.

Niall steps back and looks at Zayn: his twiggy arms; the black tank top hanging off him; his skinny jeans laddered with rips. “Borrow something of mine,” he says. They’re still standing close. “It’ll give you an excuse to come back soon.”

The party’s filled right up. There’s nowhere for Zayn to escape to. Niall is smiling at him in a way that he knows means he could lean in and kiss him and it wouldn’t mean anything.

“One more drink,” he says, and Niall beams at him, tugging him by the wrist through the crowd to where the coolers are.

“You won’t regret it,” Niall says, handing him another beer. The Brooklyn pennant ale he’d bought special for Zayn. It makes him heartsick.

I will, Zayn thinks. He pops the cap with the butt of his lighter and takes a drink. I will. Niall smiles big. I will.

#ziall #mj.txt #oops #Anonymous

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hbwbyniall · 6 years ago

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A coffee and a lie (2/2)

PART ONE

Harry walks into the bank with his head down and his hands in his pockets. He purposely ignores his father’s associates when they try to stop him to start a conversation, but he nods at every Mr. Styles he hears passing by. His hands are sweaty and he’s already clearing his throat from the moment he steps into the elevator. This wasn’t the way he wanted to tell Niall the truth, but since he’s not answering his phone or opening his door, this will have to do.

The elevator’s doors open and Harry fixes his suit’s jacket before heading to the receptionist.

“Good morning,” he smiles. The red head stops typing and before looking up, her expression changes entirely as she lays eyes on Harry. “Where can I find Niall Horan’s desk?”

Melanie, as the little plaque on her chest says, frowns. Harry plays with the rings on his fingers as he’s starting to get nervous and not only because of the stares he’s receiving. The receptionist picks up the phone and Harry would be lying if he says he’s paying attention to a word she’s saying.

He zones out because there is a big chance they could bump into Niall this very moment. And when he will see Harry, standing there in his fancy suit and an expensive watch on his wrist, he will have to do a lot of explaining, but it’s still better than not hearing Niall’s voice at all.

“Mr. Styles?”

Harry turns around when his name is called, but he doesn’t find Niall as he expected.

“My name is Liam Payne, I’m the manager of this floor.” Harry swallows because he’s in front of one of Niall’s best friends and they haven’t been properly introduced yet. “Were you asking for Niall Horan?”

He nods and Liam asks him to follow him, so he does. They pass a lot of cubicles, heads popping out as they walk by and it which would have been be funny if Harry wasn’t so anxious. They stop next to a group of five cubicles near the coffee area, specifically, in front of an empty desk.

“So, Liam, I’ve been thinking, maybe we can break down the door and-”

“Louis, this is Harry Styles.” Liam rushes to say when someone else walks in with a cup of tea and a cocky smile, Louis leaves the cup on his desk and apologizes.

“Is this Niall’s desk?” It comes out as a question, with the wavering in Harry’s voice, rather than the statement he tried to make. Louis' muscles tense up visibly as if he’s ready to fight.

“Why are you looking for Niall?” Louis asks, poison in his words, like he’s protecting his friend in his absence somehow.

Harry looks around them, disorientated, partially because he doesn’t see Niall here and the fact that he can put a face to the names he’s been hearing so often. It makes him feel like a spy. But there’s something else in the air, like an invisible line is drawn somewhere in the floor that Harry doesn’t want to step on.

“Where is he?” Harry repeats.

Louis looks at Liam, like he could provide the answer he seems to need at that moment, and Harry understands, it’s a bizarre interaction he’s been trying to avoid so he could plan this moment to perfection, but time has run out and his chest hurts every day he wakes up without news of his boyfriend. He just has a bad feeling.

“He has been fired a week ago.” Liam informs from behind him, making Harry hold his breath.

“What?!” He turns around again and Liam seems confused by the sharpness of his reaction.

“He was called by Mr. Azoff and the next thing we know he was packing up his things.” Harry jumps out when someone else answers from his side, they turn to him and Harry recognizes the kid as Christian, but he doesn’t have the time to thank them because he’s rushing to the elevator.

“Oh, Harry! I didn’t know we were meeting for lunch,” Jeff greets with a huge smile on his face as he stands up, heading to Harry with open arms.

“Why did you fire Niall Horan?” He asks, his voice is stone cold and suddenly, Harry’s hands turn into fists at his sides.

Jeff smile drops just like his arms do. He turns back to his desk, showing Harry his back.

“Who?” He replies in his mocking tone.

“I’m not in a mood for games, Jeff.” Harry places his hand on Jeff’s shoulder, making him turn around, “Why did you do it?” Harry repeats, intoning every syllable, looking right into Jeff’s eyes.

“Just answer me one thing,” Jeff says, taking Harry’s hand off his shoulder, “Did you know he was working here?”

Harry shakes his head, disoriented, “No, but-”

“That’s the answer you want! It’s not the first time something like this has happened, and I’m always the one you call to clean up your mess-”

“It’s not like that!” Harry explodes, trying so hard not to yell, but he knows his face is red and his knuckles are white the moment he puts them on the back of the chair near him. “This is nothing like that and I’m not a kid anymore. I didn’t ask for your help.” He says through his teeth.

“You never see the bigger picture, Harry. But I do. That’s why I’m here and you’re out there playing chef.” Jeff dismisses him with a hand movement and Harry has stop himself from throwing the chair to the wall.

“You are here because I refused to.” Harry walks up to Jeff, slowly. “Because between you and me, we both know I wouldn’t need as many assessors as you have.”

And for what seems to be the first time in his life, Harry sees the same look Jeff used to give his opponents before a competition, only this time he was ready and mad enough to not care at all.

The day Harry met Niall wasn’t any different from how that week was going. The bakery had two weeks of being fully operational and Harry was still going to bake and help set up the showcase and prepare the tables. He was proud of himself, even if his family thought it was just cute. Gemma and Anne were there for the inauguration, Harry baked for them and served every single customer that walked in for almost five hours, but it was good, he loved it.

The evening before they met for the first time, Harry had dinner with his dad and Jeff. They made fun of him, how he was going to get bored of making cakes and hot chocolate soon enough, and when that time would come, an office on the third floor of the bank was waiting for him, ready for him to move into. So when a hot guy walked into the store that next morning, wearing an impeccable suit, fixing his glasses on the bridge of his nose while holding onto his briefcase like his life depended on it, Harry thought it was a joke. He thought that and Jeff was pulling a prank on him.

That is kind of their thing, pulling pranks on each other, like that time Jeff hide Harry’s coats when their families went to skiing to the Alps, or when Harry cut all of Jeff’s swimsuits in return when they went to Hawaii. Or that time when Jeff teamed up with Nick to hire a stripper for Harry’s 19th birthday and Harry stole Jeff’s car for a week. Or maybe when Jeff called the cops on him when he was having a party on his dorm in college so, of course, Harry took a goat to be his date at Jeff’s wedding.

Which made it completely logical for Harry to think that the gorgeous guy walking through his door was another stripper to prove Harry how ridiculous he looked behind a cash register. But he was ready for it and if Jeff already paid for it, he was going to enjoy it. So when he started to mumble his order, Harry let himself flirt a little with the guy, maybe he threw in some touches at his arms or hands on purpose, but the guy disappeared as soon as he got his coffee.

And that left him thinking about it for the rest of the day, so when he showed up again the next morning, Harry initiated a conversation and he realized that maybe this guy had nothing to do with Jeff and that maybe he’s just a pretty boy working at a job he already hates. For some reason Harry couldn’t explain at that time, he kept coming every morning for the next six months, only to serve Niall and leave.

It became part of his new routine. Help to open the bakery and ask the employees to hide in the kitchen until Niall leaves and start his day. It was fresh, different, new, Harry brought him a different kind of happiness in the mornings he didn’t know he needed until the day he mentioned Jeff and it was like Harry abruptly woke up from a really sweet dream. And he panicked. He was scared because he knew it was only a matter of time before Niall would find out who he really was.

So he asked him out the next morning because he couldn’t afford to lose Niall and because every day he fell a little more for him. Harry had a plan. A rushed one, they just had to fell in love and then he would tell Niall, calmly and he would explain with details and he would give him his reasons so Niall would understand.

But Jeff took that from him and now he is here, knocking at Niall’s door for already thirty minutes, begging him to so he can explain. He doesn’t know what he wants to say, the only thing in his head is how afraid he is of losing him. Niall has gotten under his skin and into his mind, Harry is now so used to his presence, his touch, his scent.

He doesn’t pay attention at the steps from downstairs and coming from behind him or the sigh that comes from behind his back, he just keeps calling Niall, but his voice is tired just as his knuckles are. He only turns around when he hears someone clearing his throat behind him and then he finds Niall dressed up in dark jeans and a blue shirt, covered by a green coat that matches his shoes, he still looks gorgeous, only this time is a sad kind of beauty, his eyes seem off and he doesn’t have the usual redness in his cheeks, and pink of his lips is almost gone. That hurts Harry because somehow, he is responsible for that look and the pain that Niall has been feeling for these past days.

“Niall,” Harry whispers more to himself because it’s been two weeks since he last saw him and that’s the longest since they met if the Holiday weeks he spent in Ireland don’t count.

“Pardon me,” Niall says, pointing to the door, stoic voice with his eyes looking everywhere else but at Harry.

Harry looks at the door behind him and nods, stepping aside.

“We need to talk,” Harry says gently as Niall opens the door, but he doesn’t answer. “Please, Niall. I’m gonna fix everything. You’ll get your job back and we-”

“Don’t.” Niall interrupts, looking at him for the first time in two weeks as he stands in front of him, holding the door. “I’m already looking for a job. The bank thing won’t work out for me anymore but-”

“What do you mean?” Harry asks but Niall looks down and his hands in the door turn into fists. “Is it because of Jeff?”

“I didn’t like the job. I’m not doing it anymore, your friend has nothing to do with it.”

Harry freezes the moment Niall’s words leave his mouth. He never talked to him like that, stone cold voice but fire in his eyes and it’s breaking his heart.

“Please, let me in. We need to talk.” Harry feels like he’s begging, but he doesn’t care anymore.

“Not now.” And then, Niall shuts the door closed.

Harry enters the restaurant rubbing his own hair out of his eyes. They’re supposed to open in half an hour and everyone is moving from one side of the place to the other, putting everything in order. Harry just sits at a table next to the big wall of glass and looks outside. It’s sunny but fresh and he feels like he’s missing something out hiding like this from his family and friends, but he’s just waiting. Until Niall calls, he can’t help but feel his life is on pause.

The bell rings when someone walks in the restaurant and Harry is ready to fire someone because it’s not time yet, but when he looks up, everything that happened the last two weeks – if not the last year – comes to his mind, and he feels bad again.

He stands up when she starts walking up to him, Harry helps with the chair, allowing her to sit in front of him and asks for two glasses of wine to the nearest waitress to him.

“Glenne,” he says gently as she leaves her purse in the chair next to her. “Why didn’t you call me? I could’ve-”

“So what is it this time?” She asks, with a smile on her face but sadness in her eyes. “The last time you two fight like this it was because of the coffee shop you wanted to open two years ago,” she breathes in and looks directly to Harry’s eyes, “and still, you never missed our Saturday’s dinner.”

Harry sighs. His head has been all over the place and if he has to be honest, he doesn’t want to see Jeff for a while, but Glenne has nothing to do with it.

“It’s something between us. But I’m gonna fix it.” Harry says drawing a smile on his face.

Glenne smiles, letting out the air that, apparently, she was holding since she entered the restaurant. Harry squeezes her hand over the table without making any visual contact because he wasn’t talking about Jeff, but she doesn’t need to know that. So, when she leaves, Harry picks up the phone and makes the call he never thought he’d make in this situation.

“Wait, wait. Are you saying you’re the guy Niall has been dating?” Harry breathes out and nods. “What the fuck?!”

“Louis!” Liam holds his arm in the other side of the table as Harry moves awkwardly in his chair.

“I don’t care he’s our boss, Liam. Have you seen Niall lately?” Louis turns to Liam, trying to talk under his breath. Liam slowly lets go of Louis’ hand, nodding.

Harry looks down the table and scratches the lower part of his head. From what he has heard of Niall, he knows Louis can be pretty loud, especially when he’s mad and from the look in his eyes, he’s mad enough to kill Harry in his own restaurant at ten in the morning on a Sunday. That is the reason he invited them to brunch, maybe somewhere down his conscience wants to apologize to them and beg them to help him, even if that seems impossible right now.

Louis stands up and starts to pick up his phone from the table and his jacket from the chair when Harry stands up as well.

“Let me explain.” Harry tries to stop him by taking his arm.

“Has Niall let you explain?” Louis asks, looking at Harry’s hand grabbing his arm.

“No,” Harry says, letting his arm go.

“That’s all I need to know.” He’s about to storm out of the place when Liam speaks.

“Louis, wait.” Liam says, clearing his throat and looking Harry right in the eyes, and suddenly he looks bigger.

He crosses his arms in front of his chest and Louis turns around slowly, his eyes dancing between Liam and Harry, trying to figure it out what is going to happen next. Harry swallows and wishes he’d have a plan for this because now the three of them are standing up in an empty restaurant with untouched food on the table.

It’s not a comfortable silence and Harry doesn’t know if he should start explaining the miserable train of thoughts that got him into this situation or if he should wait to any of them to say something. Louis leaves his things in the place they were and supports his hands on the table as he looks at Liam, maybe waiting for an answer too.

“Tell me a reason we should listen to you.” Liam finally says, his voice sounds strong but restricted like he’s stopping himself from yelling. “Just one.”

“I love him.” He says immediately like his brain has been waiting for anyone to ask so the words can finally leave his mouth.

They fall into the quiet again, but this time it’s different. Liam’s arms slowly touch his sides and Louis stands straight up, his lips open and close up, maybe thinking of a way to react. And Harry is scared. His voice is trembling and he coughs to hide the fact that his cheeks are turning red. He has known for a while, maybe the moment when Niall got him a birthday present even before they dated or the first time he made him laugh. There’s not a more undeniable truth that Harry loves Niall and that he is pretty much in love with him, but he didn’t want the two people in front of him to be first to hear it.

Because he finally says something that’s been oppressing his chest for over a year, making him appreciate every minute he spent with Niall even more, in a completely different way, giving the touches and kisses they exchanged a deeper meaning. And it’s overwhelming in a way that makes him want to laugh and cry because this shouldn’t be how he says he loves the best person he knows, he should be looking at a different pair of blue eyes and he should be receiving a smile in return, maybe getting an I love you back and a kiss if he’s lucky enough. But things don’t always work out as he wants, even if he’s used to it.

The second he sees Louis and Liam sit down and look away he feels the tears falling down his cheeks, but he’s not crying, is just a way to let it all out. Harry sighs and sits down in front of them. Louis is almost imperceptibly smiling, hiding his lips as he eats the cold French toast and drinks the tea, Liam is looking at Harry again and he knows what’s coming

“Explain yourself.” That’s all he says.

Harry nods. “When Niall walked in the coffee shop for the first time, I was running the cash register and I thought Jeff sent him to pull me a prank so I played along and suddenly a couple of weeks passed and Niall became part of my life.” He smiles to himself, unable to look up. “I pretended to work in the bakery for six months, I started to forget it wasn’t my reality.”

“Were you planning to tell him?” Louis interrupts, Harry looks at him and realizes Liam is finally eating as Louis grabs the orange juice and takes a sip.

“When I confirmed he didn’t know Jeff, of course. I wanted to take him out and maybe start something with him but it was ridiculous how nervous I used to get around him, until he told me he worked for our bank and I panicked, because it was matter of time he’d found out who I am, so I asked him out, he said yes and everything took its own course from that moment on.” Harry breathes out, like saying all that took the last bit of energy that he had remained.

Liam nods, cleaning the edges of his lips with a napkin next to his head, in the middle of him and Louis. “And yet, you dated him for six months and didn’t even bother to tell him your last name.”

“When I was with him I wasn’t my dad’s son, I was the person I’ve always wanted to-”

“So he was your distraction.” Louis says, taking the attention of the room. He frowns and his eyes are cold again and Harry’s throat dries up.

“No-”

“Because all I’m hearing, Harry, is that Niall made you forget your horrible and difficult life as a rich asshole.” This time Liam doesn’t stop Louis and Harry feels like he’s losing a battle.

He knew it was going to be hard and he’s trying to put everything he feels into words, trying to explain his actions in a way they could understand why as the time was passing he got tangled into his lies and scenarios that even say real facts about his life like talking about his mom or sister could make Niall realize he was nothing more than a liar and he would leave him.

“He used to say he hates rich people, almost every day so for a while I resigned to the idea we weren’t gonna be more than just friends. But I didn’t want that, I wanted more so I had to try and when I had him I couldn’t lose him. I have never cared for someone like this, apart from my family, I’m not gonna find anyone like him again. I lied about what I have and about my last name, but everything I said to him, everything I showed him and all we did, it was all true.” Harry says as quickly as he tongue allows him, and it is fast because when he finishes he runs out of air.

“Well, I’m sorry to say it mate, but you lost him by keeping the truth you thought could make you lose him,” Louis says and this time they both stand up and take their stuff with them, Harry doesn’t really have the energy to move because now every bit of hope of Niall forgiving him, is almost gone.

They are almost at the door when Loui turns back again.

“It’s too late, anyway,” he says with a smirk on his face when Harry looks at him. “He took a flight to Ireland last night.”

“Louis?” Liam says next to him, frowning and leaning his head to his left, “what are you-”

“He must be already in Mullingar by now.” Louis smiles again as he opens the door and disappears into the street, Liam nods at Harry and closes the door when he leaves.

Harry feels numb for a second, alone in a big fancy restaurant with his plate full of food and his stomach completely empty but somehow, he feels nauseous. The next thing he knows he’s picking up his phone and calling his dad’s assistant to get the soonest flight to Dublin.

Niall talks a lot about his family and about Mullingar, he used to show Harry tons of pictures of everyone and everywhere when Harry came to his apartment, he also used to say it was a small town and everyone knew everyone and somehow, Harry felt like he knew them already. Niall also used to say that they would love him and he couldn’t wait for him to meet them, so when he arrives to Mullingar and asks for the Horan’s house and received an actual direction, he wishes there would be a different reason for him to be outside Niall’s parent’s house, about to knock on the door.

When he arrived in Mullingar it was about to be nighttime. He hasn’t eaten all day and his head has been all over the place to allow anything in his mouth without being throw up after. He’s carrying nothing more than his wallet, his passport and his phone in his coat and maybe this is not the wisest decision he has ever made and a lot of things could go wrong, especially when he shows up unexpectedly, but the moment Niall opens the door with a huge smile and his cheeks incredibly red, every concern leave his body.

“Harry?” He says, quietly, closing the door behind him as he stands in front of Harry, open and closing his mouth repeatedly. “What are you doing here?!”

There’s noise coming from inside the house, laughs and joyful screams, kid’s voices and little steps, and Niall seems so relaxed and happy just a minute ago but now he’s crossing his arms on his chest, like he’s building a fence around him to keep Harry out and he’s trying not to lose his smile because of that because Niall seems to be so close to him right now but when he takes a step to him, he takes one back, slapping his back to the door so Harry stays still, taking one step back and looking at his shoes.

“You can’t do this, Niall.” He finally says, his voice trembling and his hands tighten up into his pockets.

“Do what?” Niall askes exasperated, Harry looks up to him, wishing he could just read his mind so he doesn’t have to drown with his thought.

“You can’t leave your whole life in London for what happened. We need to talk, I need to explain.” Harry reaches for Niall’s arm and this time he doesn’t pull out and he wants to call it progress but maybe it has to be with the reason why he’s giving a confused look at Harry.

“Leave my life? What are you talking about? I’m here for my nephew’s birthday, I’m going back on Monday.” He says, slowly uncrossing his arms. Harry’s hand still on his arms, gently falling to his wrist.

“What?” Harry asks, and now he’s the confused one. “But Louis said-”

But he couldn’t complete the sentence because Niall’s laughing, fully and wide, his head looking at the night sky and his free hand touching his stomach, his cheeks are red everything about him takes Harry’s breath away. He is so in love.

“Of course he did.” He finally looks at Harry with a gentle smile on his face, his eyes look alive and his rosy cheeks look so pure that makes Harry try his luck, slowly reaching Niall’s hand, interweaving their fingers, making him look at their hands immediately.

“We’re gonna sing to Theo. Who is it, Niall?” A blonde woman opens the door with a big smile and a beautiful dress, she looks surprised for a second until his eyes meet the same spot Niall was looking at and her smile grows incredibly wider. “Oh! You must be Harry! Niall didn’t tell us you were coming over!” she laughs, just as Niall. “I’m Maura, Niall’s mom.”

She pulls out her hand and Harry shakes it with his free hand, until Niall clears his throat and lets Harry’s hand go.

“Have you eaten yet?” She asks and Harry shakes his head, because he hasn’t. “Come on in! We have enough food for ten more people!”

“Ma-” Niall tries to stop him but for what Harry can see, he hasn’t told his family everything.

“I’d love to,” Harry says, imitating the smile on Maura’s face on his and he bites his lips when she enters, calling Bobby and Greg to meet Niall’s boyfriend. It’s worth the look on Niall’s face as he walks in and takes his coat off.

Theo Horan is the cutest kid Harry has ever met and maybe he’s not being impartial because Theo is just a mini version of Niall. He is all red cheeks and bright blue eyes with a loud and beautiful laugh, running everywhere and smiling at everyone, making everyone smile in return. Maybe he will never be impartial about Theo because he hugged him like he hasn’t seen him in years when Niall introduced them just a second ago and now Harry is hiding behind the guests as all of them sing to a six-year-old.

Harry feels warm inside as he’s looking around him, seeing Niall’s brother holding his son above the cake so he can blow the candles and Niall right next to them with their parents by his side, and Niall looks good, he looks happy and relaxed and refreshed, so different how he saw him the last time. And it’s bothering him a little in the middle of his chest because he’s getting this thought again, that maybe Niall is better off without him and he should be doing all of them a favor, just walking away from all this.

But seeing Niall like this, with a smile on his face, holding his nephew for family photos and then connecting his eyes with Harry’s, makes it impossible for Harry to let it go. He just knows they have something great between them, he has never felt like this with any other person and he is so afraid he will never feel like this again.

The lights are on and everyone is eating cake now. Harry can see Theo trying to eat properly with a paper plate in his hand as he walks around the living room to open his present. Maybe he should get one for him tomorrow. Harry looks up and sees Niall pointing with his head to what he supposes is the kitchen, so he walks down there, following Niall inside.

Niall is serving him a plate with some pork and mashed potato when he enters the kitchen. It’s a mess inside but is understandable. Niall puts some vegetables and then pour what he supposes is some sausage on the top of it all. When he finally turns around, he points to another door at the other side of the kitchen.

“Let’s go talk outside.”

“But it’s cold,” Harry says without really thinking, just looking at the plate of food in front of him and the door on the other side.

When he looks up, he finds Niall looking at him, blinking and doing that expression with his face that Harry always tried to not laugh at.

“Yeah, I’m sorry. Let’s go outside.” Harry says, smiling. Niall hands him the plate and they step outside, sitting in the steps of the back of the house.

It’s darker than it was when Harry arrived and there’s a cold breeze that plays with their hair, but it’s not too much to handle, not when all they can feel is the weight of unspoken words. Harry starts eating, and even if he already knew it by the smell, the food is delicious, and he must have made some kind of sound because now Niall is looking at him after a laugh.

Harry eats in silence as Niall looks at the small garden in front of him, he sighs and Harry only imagines what’s going on in his mind right now. When he finishes, Harry leaves the plate next to him, trying to not make any sound to disturb the atmosphere between them.

“Why are you here, Harry?” Niall finally asks, putting both hands on his side, dangerously close to Harry’s hands.

“I thought you left.” He answers, whispering for no real reason.

“I know that, but why,” Niall asks again and Harry is confused. He stares at his profile trying to find the answer Niall wants to hear from him, but he has no idea.

“I don’t wanna lose you.” Harry takes his hand and Niall doesn’t pull away.

“Did you ever have me?” Niall is not looking at him and his voice is just a mumble in the dark.

Harry doesn’t know what to say because his chest hurts and he can’t bear any other minute without looking at Niall’s eyes so he can know how he’s feeling. This is all a mess and he needs to fix it so bad but whatever he does, it just seems to make it worse. So he stands up and squirts in front of Niall so they can look at each other, Niall smiles and looks away before looking at Harry one more time.

“I was dating a nice guy that works in a coffee shop near my job-”

“Niall you are dating me.” Harry tries to hold Niall’s face but he stands up.

“Do you even live in that apartment you took me to?” He asks, hands in his pockets and his blue eyes tearing up. Harry opens his mouth but he can’t answer because he doesn’t live there. “Oh, god.” Niall laughs, taking a step back, pulling away from Harry.

“I lied, okay? I didn’t tell you my real name and I pretended to have a job I don’t have only to get to see you. But every single thing I said to you, everything we did, that is me. All of it is real.” Harry gets closer to him, slowly, pronouncing every word looking at his eyes, trying to make him understand.

Niall goes down the steps to the garden, trying to walk away from the house, maybe to keep is family from listening and Harry doesn’t know if that’s a good sign or not. So Harry follows him because that’s all he can do now. He’s never been in a situation like this before, he has been in relationships, he has loved a lot of people for short periods of time and he has been interested enough to pursue them, but with Niall it’s different. He sees the world and the people in a way that Harry wishes he could.

There’s a thing about him, the way he carries himself, the way he talks about what he loves and the people he cares about, the way he makes Harry feel loved. It’s completely different how he is in other aspects of his life, when he loves he does it quietly and gently, he does it with looks and smiles and a beer on his hand as he hears Harry talk about stupid shit like it’s the most important part of his day. He looks at Harry in a way that he sees more of him.

And maybe that’s the reason why he’s avoiding looking into Harry’s eyes because he would see that Harry loves him.

“You just didn’t lie about your name, Harry.” He breathes in, “You orchestrated a charade to… what, exactly? Get laid? Get a date with me?”

Harry shakes his head. He makes it sound so raw and wrong but it’s none of that.

“I want you to be honest, Niall,” Harry says, walking up to Niall to stand in front of him, “Would have agreed to go on a date with me if you knew who I was in the beginning? You hate rich people.”

Niall smiles, looking down in disbelieve. “I do, don’t I? But I didn’t know being rich is all that defines you.” He looks up, placing his hands on Harry’s chest, he takes the shirt’s lapels on his hands and stretches the cloth, like he’s mad at the shirt instead of Harry. “I dislike the people in my job, the way they acted, what they do with money, the prejudices.” He looks up again and this time Harry realizes how close they actually are.

Harry takes Niall’s hands on his chest, “I’m sorry.” And it seems like it’s something that should be said, “I never meant to hurt you. I care about you, so much. One minute I was going early almost every day to the bakery and the next I bought a flat. It wasn’t supposed to come this far.”

“I just don’t understand why you had to lie-” Niall whispers, letting Harry’s hands go.

“I’m sorry.” He says again, trying to touch Niall when he starts to pull apart just a couple of steps.

“I’m not good at trusting people-” He says, and Harry remembers bits of conversations about letting people down before they could hurt him and how he used to avoid the subject so many times before, and he let it pass because he didn’t want to make him uncomfortable.

“Niall.” Harry tries to stop whatever is happening right now.

“Maybe this isn’t the right time for us-” Niall is not looking at him at them, kicking the grass to fill the sudden silence that appears to cover the voices coming from the house behind them.

“Niall.” He tries again.

“You should go home, Harry.”

And there’s silence again. Harry finally drops his arms to the side and he’s starting to feel the cold when the door opens behind then and Maura’s head pops up looking for them.

“There you are!” She says, smiling until she sees them standing apart from each other looking at her like she took them by surprise, “Is everything okay?”

“Yes, Ma,” Niall answers, smiling at her but if Harry can see it tremble from his side, he’s sure Maura can see it too. “We’ll be inside in a minute.”

She nods, smiling as well but she’s looking at Harry, making a question with her eyes so he looks at the ground, “we have cake here waiting for you guys, don’t take too long.”

“So, Niall told us you work in a coffee shop.” Maura says after the guests left and Theo fell asleep in the couch.

Bobby Horan introduced himself to Harry with a hug and made everyone sit around the table so he can bring coffee and cake for them to share. Niall has been quiet since they returned to the house and he’s been avoiding looking at Harry and he understands, but he doesn’t like it.

“I actually own the place,” Harry says, taking another sip of the coffee. He can see Niall, from the corner of his eye, looking up, “I also have a restaurant.”

“Harry-” Niall’s voice comes from the other side of the table where he decided to sit, as far away as possible from him.

“And my dad is one of the owners of the bank from which Niall got fired.” Harry laughs, cutting another piece of cake and putting it on his plate, “which is my fault.”

“Niall?” Maura’s voice comes as a whisper from Niall’s side.

“Excuse us, we’ll be upstairs.” Niall stands up, crosses the table to Harry’s seat and takes him by the wrist, ignoring his complaint about the cake left in the plate and makes him enter to the second door in the second floor.

It’s Niall’s childhood room, he can tell by the Irish flag over the bed and the Eagle’s posters on the walls. There’s a small vinyl player and some records piled up at its side. Harry walks in, looking at the pictures on the walls with a smile, touching his old guitar in the corner of the room when his eyes laid on it.

“What was that?!” Niall says, exasperated. He’s standing in the middle of the room with his hands on his hips, looking dangerously attractive.

“I wanna start over.” Harry shrugs, smiling at him like Niall didn’t just break up with him less than an hour ago.

“And telling my family that you got me fired is your best idea of doing so?!”

Harry laughs because Niall sounds genuinely mad but Harry’s chest hurts so much, it makes him feel numb everywhere else. He takes Niall’s hands and drags him to his bed until he sits and Niall is standing in front of him, in the middle of his legs.

“I love you.” Harry says, smiling at Niall’s hands as he rubs his palms with his thumbs, he wants to kiss it but he also knows it may not be the best of ideas.

He lets Niall’s hands go and he lays on the bed, closing his eyes until he feels Niall lying down next to him. He interweaves their fingers when their hands are close enough and squeezes, Niall’s hands are loose but is good enough.

“I need to know if you love me too,” Harry whispers, turning to his side, looking at Niall’s profile. His eyes are closed and their grip tightens up when Harry feels him squeeze back. “If you do I’m gonna fix this. We’re gonna start over. No lies, no more bullshit.”

A single tear drops from the side of his eye to his forehead, and this is the first time Harry sees him cry over him, and it hurts, but there’s nothing he can do to stop the way Niall is feeling so he slides his thumb over it and gets closer to him, breathing over his cheek so he can get a better look of his face under the lights off.

“I need to know because I don’t want to let go of you.” Harry rubs Niall’s knuckles, slowly, calmly. “I don’t think I can.”

Niall nods, finally letting the tears fall down his face and Harry doesn’t dare to touch him, so he lets him cry in silence, rubbing his hand and mumbling to cover the whimpers Niall’s so desperate to suppress. They slide over the bed until Harry’s head is touching the bedside and Niall’s head is resting on Harry’s chest as he plays with his hair, lulling him to sleep.

Harry closes his eyes and lets the air out his chest, along with a promise disguised as an I love you.

#narry #narry fic #narry fanfic #my fic #my writing #a coffee and a lie #harry x niall #niall x harry #flickerbyniall

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stylessemantics · 7 years ago

Note

AU Harry and you working in the same building and you bring him the mail that was mixed up with urs and he's a clumsy babbling goof who is just so desperately trying to convey he likes you but you're so oblivious and smile and leave a red face Harry in his office, one of the boys grinning cause you're the first girl Harry can't talk around

Rating: All cleanWarnings: NoneCategory: Fluff - First meetings. Request: yes sir, thank you so much! they are closed for now but I’m trying to get old ones out of the way to open them back up soon. Word Count: 2,062

NOTE: this will have a part two? Also feedback is much much much appreciated?

18. Office Correspondence.

You had been working here for around 4 months by now. It was fun. It was a new office and thankfully it didn’t take you long to get used to how things worked around there. Your co-workers were nice, at least the ones you’d gotten to meet, the building was big, housing different types of offices for different types of things, so you didn’t really know everyone that worked there just yet.Every morning you’d arrive bright and early and go about your day of filling papers, signing contracts and supervising work.

If he was to be honest, he had seen you before. As he also went on about his busy day, he’d spot faces here and there that he knew, some that he didn’t – which wasn’t often since he’d been working here for around 3 years by now – and it was just a random day when one of those faces he didn’t know, really caught his eye. You. He’d just see you passing and never interact with you which he never understood how suddenly he didn’t know how to speak. He didn’t know why it was so difficult to come drop a small friendly hi but he just couldn’t. All he could do was silently wish that by some sort of magic he’d get the chance and strength to do so and get to know you at last.

And Harry got that magic to work his way. That magic was called the mailman. With whom you’d made good friends with. He was just an old man doing the runs around the block and dropping letters here and there, and with a smile and lots of love you had helped him and kept him company on his rounds before, so by now you considered him somewhat of a friend. You couldn’t deny sometimes he had busy days which is why you understood perfectly when he handed you a wad of envelopes before rushing to the elevator. “oh” you said noticing the name on a couple of them was not yours and you sped walked behind Mr. Thomas to let him know. “Hey George” the old man stopped midway entering the lift.“What is it sweetie?” “Just… Think you got this one mixed up, but no worries” you continued quickly, pushing the button to call another elevator up instead of down where George was headed. “I’ll deliver it. Have a nice day!” You chirped and he seemed happy that you offered to help him today as well as he travelled back down and to continue his busy day of mail deliveries which was very similar to you right now.

You rode the elevator up towards the floor marked on the envelope. Apparently this person worked on the top floors on a completely different area as you, but the name did seem familiar – you were sure you’d seen it pop up in important company notifications or heard it being called while passing through the rooms where meetings were held – but when the elevator doors opened with a ding you are welcomed with the sight of a very busy floor and not even knowing where to start your search.

As for Harry he was currently having a chat with his mates and co-workers in one of their offices. In the middle of laughing he looks out to the floor through the fancy floor to ceiling wall, immediately coughing when he spots you. He can’t believe his eyes. The girl is on his floor looking lost in between the rushing bodies that carry all types of papers and projects as the busy day gets worse.“Oh, god” he mutters while his friends have a laughter, successfully interrupting the conversation. “What?” Liam asks upon seeing Harry become frozen in his spot resting by the wall. Soon the rest of the lads are aware of the weird situation and turn to look where Harry seems to be so fixated.“Nothing!” He rushes, trying to keep them from spotting what had caused him to freeze and zone out for a second.

The truth is he hadn’t told anyone about this girl. Number one it’s not like he knew who you were to be able to form a sentence congruent enough to introduce her to his friends, and number two, he was so embarrassed that he liked you so much without having this basic information that he couldn’t bare to tell them and risk eternal mockery. Liam, Niall and Louis looked at the green eyed lad quizzically, was everything ok? His reaction was so weird and sudden they couldn’t help but worry there was something important that he wasn’t telling them, and he stammered over his words trying to convince them otherwise, still flustered with the thought of her and being caught – or rather have his feelings being found out like this. He tried to ease his nerves thinking about how she worked here, she probably wasn’t here for him and nothing forbade her from coming to his floor – even though you never had before – so there was nothing to be exaggerating for. But then from the corner of his eye he could see how someone pointed her in the direction of Liam’s office where he currently stood in the middle of diverting the attention of his friends from the scene at hand. Although if he thought this was a scene, then what came after was a full movie. “Harry, are you-?” Louis was interrupted when you came knocking on the slightly open door letting out a soft excuse me that had Harry’s knees about to buckle whether from lovesickness or agitation he wasn’t sure. You were greeted with three pair of eyes turning to you with calm smiles, while Harry tried to hide at the rear of their bodies so you wouldn’t catch him peeking from behind a nervous hand that covered half his face. Oh god oh god oh god, he kept thinking over and over, this couldn’t be happening. Breathe Harry, he told to himself, mostly to his erratic heart, she’s not here for you and even if she was nothing is happening. Everything is under control.

He barely got to finish the sentence in his mind when you popped up with a “Uh… Hi, I’m looking for Harry Styles?” As if rehearsed, all his friends turned to Harry, moving to allow him coming forth to the girl, and that’s when they noticed. His hands were in tight fists as he walked towards her with a low shy chuckle. Suddenly, the three pair of eyes turned back and forth between the two, with piqued interest. “Y-yeah… T-tha’s me” Harry mustered however he could and your mouth broke into a cute welcoming grin. He was cute, with his bold and interesting choice of clothing that seemed to somehow suit him and the company’s aura perfectly, short brown curls atop his head and bright green eyes that seemed friendly. “Hi! Turns out your mail got confused with mine, just here to deliver it to its rightful owner” you stretched a hand out with 3 envelopes clearly directed to him. It took Harry a second to reach out and grab them from your hands because he was stuck thinking that you had prettier eyes up close and it was unfair he never got to realize that before. “O-oh… Hahah, thanks” “No problem! Nice office” the comment was innocent, trying to make some light conversation in the seemingly awkward air. The other three men were still silent, heads moving like fans at a tennis match between Harry and you as you each spoke, and for some reason each time with bigger smirks.  “Oh! I-its… S’not m-mine” that was the truth, this was Liam’s office. Harry’s was down the hall and a tad bigger due to his position, and even though he knew she probably didn’t care about that information, that didn’t stop him from nervously rambling into details right after “Mine’s d-down the hall… I’m head o-of department” He looked just a bit older than you and you wondered how good he was at his job to have nailed him such a nice position. He continued “and-and we’re v-very b-busy today as… as yeh c-can see. Oh, but! That d-doesn’t… I don’t m-mean yeh hafta l-leave… right now. I… mean…”

It was painful to watch – to Niall at least. Liam and Louis seemed to be reeling at how much of a doofus Harry was making of himself – how Harry seemed to dig himself into a hole he was not going to easily climb out of, so he made sure to give him a gentle push, covering it up with a cough, signaling him that he should probably stop talking nonsense about how she can stay and he bet her office is super nice just like the ones in this floor and a bunch more crap that would leave him babbling on for days and regretting it for months.  “Yeah… New client coming in soon” The blonde signals outside as if saying the chaos that is going outside Liam’s office is a clear indicator of the upcoming business. Knowing exactly what that was like, you nodded with a short giggle “Uh, so what’s yer name?” Niall continued to cover up as Harry fixed his tie and rubbed his hands on the sides of his pants discreetly, a habit that he did when he was extremely out of his comfort zone.  “I’m y/n, I’m on the marketing team on the seventh floor” with a warm smile you put your hand out for all of them to shake, and they did with a nod, Harry with a specially tight mouth careful not to spill another word, scared it might lead to him endlessly talking about something stupid like this year’s raise in the company’s market shares. “Nice to meet ya y/n. I’m Niall, and these are Louis and Liam. Thanks for uh… bringing Harry’s mail around”  he finished awkwardly.“Yeah, thank you!” Right after Harry chirped in, Niall pinched his bicep in a nice sign of shut the fuck up. All and all, Harry appreciated it.  “No biggie! It was nice to get out of my desk for a bit.” Your smile was big and bright and beautiful, and Harry was feeling how his throat itched he wanted to tell you that so bad, but he held his ground and gave you a dimpled smile right back.

Before he knew it you were saying goodbye and wishing all the men in the luxurious looking space a nice day, making sure to close the door on your way out and wave to them through the glass with their eyes following your steps as you walked to the elevator. And then Harry was left alone with three pair of eyes looking at him with big smirks and telling faces, making heat rise on his. “So…” Liam started. “Y/N…” Louis chirped in continuation, making Harry groan and pick up his belongings. “‘M out if yeh lot are gonne’ start blabbering shit.” His tone was sharp but funny letting them know he wasn’t really mad – yet – at the fact that they were clearly itching to poke fun.  “Not gonna spit more hogwash than yeh did when she was ‘ere” Louis was quick to interject making the other two burst in laughter. “First lass yeh can’t speak proper in front of… Got to make the most of it” And with that Harry was stomping down the hall with red cheeks, back to his office to try and drown himself in work and not think too much about the fact that he at least now knew your name and that was certainly going to get his mind out of focus for the rest of the day, not to mention opening the mail you brought him yourself.  “Should we do something about this?” The one who wondered out loud as soon as Harry was out of sight was Louis, and while all of them would love to see Harry go on and try to get himself a relationship with a nice girl like that y/n, Niall quickly jumped in. “We’re not meddling in his relationships”But Louis and Liam were already thinking up ways they could help a nice relationship bloom during the office hours.’

Smooches- Iv. x

I want to get back to finishing requests so I can open them back up sooner for you guys!! I’m going to try to get part two of this going if you guys want that for like… ASAP? This was nice to work on to get my mind of BIM since I was stuck. Will be working on that and other requests and hopefully have something more to post real soon.

Requests are still Closed for now, sorry :(

Masterlist here

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needsmoresarcasm · 7 years ago

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The Definitive Totally Objective Ranking of Every One Direction Song

As the title says, this is a totally objective and absolutely not biased in any way* ranking of every 1D song recorded. Except like, not remixes or covers because that’s the line I drew in the sand and I’m sticking to it. I mean, it’s still ninety damn songs, so like, there’s enough there there. Anyway, let’s get to it. (Also, as a note, as always, I kinda view language as an impressionist painter would... up close these words might not mean anything, but if you take a step back the general feeling should be there.)

*I am lying.

90. Little Black Dress

1D has a pretty serious discography at this point. Five albums, all ridiculously overstuffed with deluxe, Target-exclusive, Japanese B-sides that must be collected by depositing $20 into the eager gullet of your nearest Sony executive. So like there’s a lot of songs. And not all of them are gems. So being last is a truly impressive feat of strength. But here “Little Black Dress” is. Little Black Dress is just a wall of noise. It’s a rock song written by someone whose only point of reference is a Kidz Bop cover album of the Guardians of the Galaxy soundtrack and then was recorded using GarageBand on a laptop in the middle of a construction site. It’s a truly meritless sonic attack, devoid of personality or melody. The best thing about it is that it clocks in at a mercifully brief 2:37.

89. Nobody Compares

Find Liam Payne in this song. Oh, what, you can’t? Because he’s literally not there? Like, at all? Like, not even kinda mixed in to the back of the chorus somewhere? Huh. Funny. Now on a totally unrelated point, Nobody Compares is a trash garbage dumpster fire.

88. Something Great

You see, the thing about Something Great is that it really shouzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

87. Gotta Be You

You know how I know there must be like mystical forces behind the power of 1D? They released this as their second single and the world didn’t immediately throw them into the abyss. A lot of 1D’s ballads are boring, but Gotta Be You is special because it is somehow both boring and also has one of the most grating choruses ever crafted. And most of Up All Night is shoddily produced, but it’s real noticeable on parts of Gotta Be You (see the very beginning of the second verse). And then they released a “US 2012″ version that is the exact same thing??? Except like Liam resang the line about making a mess on your innocence. BECAUSE REASONS.

86. Taken

Try singing Demi Lovato’s “Skyscraper” over “Taken.” It’s easy. Because they’re the same song. Except Skyscraper is significantly better. Taken is what happens when you ask the writers of Skyscraper to rewrite Skyscraper, except this time use even more cliches and make sure that there’s no discernible build anywhere in the entire song. It doesn’t help that the children singing are not actually very good at singing at this point. Like, Zayn whiffs at the beginning of the bridge. On the studio version. And I feel like that’s all that needs to be said, really.

85. Little Things

One Direction have a bad history with second singles. And Little Things is no difference. First, it is written by Ed Sheeran and like, every single one of them sounds like they’re trying to do their best Ed Sheeran impression. And none of them are great at it. Next, the lyrics are aggressively bad. No one should ever be forced to say any of the words that Harry and Liam are forced to say on this song. It’s a crime. But mostly, it’s the worst type of acoustic college dudebro song that should be banished forever from polite society, for the benefit of everyone who isn’t a nineteen year old white dude that’s finding himself.

84. Once In A Lifetime

With the pacing of a funeral dirge and the personality of your local DMV, Once In A Lifetime is a true stunner. I don’t know if the soft acoustic guitar or the barely audible whisper on all the vocals is more innovative, but man is this song exciting. At least, again, they seem to be fully aware of their worst songs and end this one after 2:38.

83. Night Changes

Was this a second single? I don’t remember. It sounds like a second single though. It’s got all the hallmark points of one: indistinct ballad, saccharine lyrics, and like the Glade plug-in air of romance to it. But Night Changes also manages to have the worst 1D music video as well. A video where they decided it’d be a good idea to split everyone up and then not have any of the hyena children antics. I call a do-over.

82. Spaces

Have you picked up on the theme of terrible 1D songs yet? It’s faceless ballads that would be better suited playing on repeat in my own personal hell than on a One Direction album. Like, if you’re gonna make a ballad as a vocal group, then at least serve me some lush harmonies to bask in. And like, the reason Spaces is better than all the ones before it is because it does that for exactly .5 seconds after the bridge when the beat drops out and there’s a delicious “oh spaces between us.” So thanks, Spaces, for not being totally worthless.

81. Same Mistakes

The only surprising thing about Same Mistakes is that it was not written and produced by Ryan Tedder.

80. Infinity

Honestly, I’m shocked that Infinity wasn’t the second single off of Made in the A.M. because it sounds exactly like it should’ve been. And like, comparing Infinity to Gotta Be You shows just how much better they got at singing and how much better their producers got at producing their voices. But like, it’s still a boring song, Jan, with a particularly bland chorus.

79. Temporary Fix

Temporary Fix is kinda the spiritual successor to No Control. But just like, much worse. The vocal tones are all poorly matched and both verses end up sounding like total messes. The chorus sounds like it might be interesting, but then quickly dissolves into a puddle of adult contemporary insipidness. And like, it’s just a lot of overproduced noise.

78. Illusion

This might be the worst chorus in 1D’s discography. It has actively mundane lyrics and sounds like the worst kind of Disney channel original movie song reject. It’s melodically repetitive and also hookless, a combination that defies sense. But like, the verses kinda bop, so the song isn’t the worst ever.

77. Home

So like, if I’m being real honest, I heard Home for the first (?) time when writing this list. And... I can’t say I’m ever going to be hearing it again. Harry’s falsetto is not a good sound here. The entire instrumental is a plodding disaster. The song sounds the exact same the entire time, but it also sounds like they stitched four separate songs together at the last minute. And how it manages to be both disjointed and boring is beyond me. But like, yikes.

76. Another World

Okay, so, objectively Another World is a terrible song. It kinda sounds like a song that would be playing in the background on a Japanese commercial for like some chocolate snack. And it also sounds like it was produced using only the preloaded Casio beats. But otherwise, it’s a hilarious relic from One Direction, a band that released B-sides in the year of our lord 2012.

75. Right Now

Oh, Right Now. What could’ve been. I actually quite like Right Now as a song. It hits that plaintive vibe pretty well. It builds well. It’s kinda an ideal pop midtempo song. But all the vocals on the studio version are tragic. (The live performances are significantly better. Which is not a thing I say about One Direction songs, ever.) Louis sounds like he’s both singing through his nose and chewing on sandpaper. Niall digs in to the most grating parts of his tone. Zayn’s falsetto sounds paper thin. Liam is barely hanging on to some of those higher notes. And, like, Harry actually acquits himself of the mess pretty well. But come. on.

74. I Wish

At this point, I harbor no resentment for any of these songs. But like, this song is just total album filler. It’s the most nothing a song could nothing. You could’ve replaced this song with any other song from any other artist on any other album and no one would’ve noticed. Because it’s the equivalent of the raspberry jelly beans in a packet of Jelly Bellies. Like fine, but no one’s looking out for it.

73. Stand Up

“Oh oh oh oh / so put your hands up / oh oh oh oh / cause it’s a stand up / and i won’t be leaving till i finish stealing every piece of your heart” is the greatest chorus written in the history of music. This song is a masterpiece, whose chorus is somehow dwarfed by the bridge: “And I will steal us a car / and we will drive to the stars / I will give you the moon / it’s the least I can do / if you give me the chance” where “chance” and “do” are written as a rhyme???? And then “I’m a thief / i’m a thief / i’m only here / i’m a thief / i’m a thief / because you stole my heart.” GOD, I should’ve ranked this song way higher. I regret this already.

72. Midnight Memories

Oh, Midnight Memories. The album where One Direction decided that they weren’t going to deliver pure pop jam after pure pop jam and were instead going to give me subpar rehashes of dated rock songs and modern folk tunes. Great. And like, Midnight Memories is probably the least inspired of all the subpar rock rehashes. But like, at least it gave us the fun anecdote about having the lyrics originally be “I love KFC,” which I think could’ve made for a deeper, more contemplative song, tbh.

71. Na Na Na

It’s another lovely B-Side, and you can tell once again by its middle school music project-level production quality (and the fact that Liam sings basically the whole song, the other stalwart pillar of 1D B-sides). And, as the great William Shakespeare once said, they were like na na na, then they were like yeah yeah yeah. But wait, here’s the twist, then they went na na na. I know, it’s really quite an emotional rollercoaster.

70. Diana

Basically all that stuff I said about Midnight Memories, again. Except this time about The Police. At least this has some fun 80s pop-style synth going on.

69. Love You Goodbye

Liam serves some serious vocals on the opening of this song. And honestly, that’s the entire reason this has managed to escape the lower echelon of this ranking. Because this is every bit as insipid as Infinity, except at least this kind of leans into it with the snare drum and the overly dramatic strings.

68. Happily

Oh hey, it’s the other type of song on Midnight Memories that drives me up the wall. I think when it first came out I called it Mumfordian riff raff, and that’s basically what I’m gonna stick with. It’s Mumfordian riff raff. And not a particularly good iteration of it. So, like, what’s the point. If you’re gonna trend hop, at least do it well.

67. Stockholm Syndrome

I really, really love Everybody Wants To Rule The World.

66. Why Don’t We Go There

This song might be incredibly generic, but it’s also great to just blast while driving down some empty highway that I have heard exists in places that are not Los Angeles. There are fun little oohs throughout the song, and so I can mostly overlook the fact that most of the instrumental to the song sounds like it was lifted out of the beginner level of a knock off Guitar Hero that couldn’t get licenses for any actual song.

65. Still The One

The Take Me Home bonus tracks are all certifiable jams. They’re hilarious and cheesy, but like unapologetically fun and totally unpretentious. No one told any of these tracks that they weren’t cool, so they just all do their own terrible Carlton dance in the street without apprehension. It’s beautiful. Still The One is bouncy and energetic and it doesn’t care that Niall and Louis definitely cannot hit the low note it asks them to because it’s just as certain as I am that no one ever listens to these songs. And that’s beautiful.

64. Ready To Run

The chorus of Ready To Run has the line “escape from the city” in it, which obligates me to mention the best video game song of all time: City Escape from Sonic Adventure Battle Fight Club 2: 2 Fast 2 Sonic. It’s not relevant to the song or this ranking, but do yourself a favor and jam out to it. Ready To Run is no City Escape, but it’s got some solid vocals and the lameness of the chorus doesn’t offend my core.

63. Magic

Another pop perfection Take Me Home bonus track that never should have made it out for public consumption but somehow managed to sneak out and thank god for it. I want someone to hunt Harry Styles down and ask him to sing this song. Do you think any of them even remember that this song exists? If you played this song for them, would they have any recollection of recording it? Does this song even exist?

62. Walking In The Wind

Not to state the obvious, but this song is just wonderfully light and breezy. Louis’s verse is impeccably delivered and the song manages to draw a more resonant sound out of his voice than usual. And that would elevate the song even higher if the bridge didn’t sound so horrifically strained the whole time. But you know, you can only have so many wins in one song.

61. A.M.

A.M. isn’t great, but its placing at the end of their last album is one of their better tracklisting calls. Everyone shows up to play vocally and the choruses have some well crafted vocal arrangements. It’s simple. And it feels like a somewhat dignified send off for the band. I don’t know. I’m not made of stone, people.

60. Truly Madly Deeply

Once I got over the fact that this wasn’t going to be a Savage Garden cover, I appreciated Truly Madly Deeply for just really going all in on the sappiness. (Really though, these Take Me Home bonus tracks feel like they were all imagined for a different band. A better band. A band that would be fueled solely by the hopes and dreams of the innocent.) It’s all just such a wonderfully boyband-y affair.

59. Irresistible

Listen, the video I had to watch in order to listen to this song had an annotation that said “PLEASE READ MY HARRY FANFIC ON WATTPAD” and I feel like that really sums up the essence of this song better than I can. It’s Jamie asking people watching her youtube video in 2012 to please read her Harry fanfic on Wattpad. And like, there’s a unique charm to that.

58. I Want To Write You A Song

The difference in the vocals from their early ballads to this song is ridiculously stark. Like comparing this to Taken sounds like two entirely different groups of people. Those verses are just like a wonderful, rich, warm honey. (... we’ll just ignore the chorus.) But just like, don’t pay attention to the sound of the pencil writing in the background because once you hear it, you’ll never unhear it. *glass shatters* Oh, uh, sorry?

57. No Control

No Control is here solely on the shoulders of one of the best fanworks ever created. Do yourself a favor and watch it.

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56. Story Of My Life

Here’s another 1D foray into the seedy underworld of the Lumineers & friends. It’s not the worst thing ever, and like, it smashed pretty hard so at least it has that going for it. And the music video is pretty great, like gj Ben Winston. But also the radio version for this song cut out Liam’s part in the second verse and I’m forever angry and bitter about it, because that’s the best part of the song. ... huh, do I even like this song? I feel like maybe I am learning that this should’ve been ranked ~20 spots lower.

55. Best Song Ever

This basically sounds like all their other lead singles, so let’s not waste any time talking about it as a song. (That’s not entirely true, it’s the only song where I am actively anxious about Liam whiffing a note.) Instead, let’s talk about the amazing music video it produced that actually forced all of them to “act.” And like, just do ridiculous things generally. And made it abundantly clear that they’re somehow the most boyband-y boyband to ever boyband but also totally unfit to do anything a boyband does. It’s a theatrical masterpiece that should’ve been eligible in the short film category of the Oscars.

54. End Of The Day

I remain convinced that End of the Day was two separate songs that they merged into one. Because the verses and choruses are totally unrelated to each other. But I’m okay with that, because both halves are great. And so it might not be a Reese’s Cup where two things blend together to make an even greater whole, it’s at least a tub of Neapolitan ice cream where the separate parts are delicious and don’t detract from each other. Am I hungry? I might be hungry.

53. Act My Age

If you were in Portland and walked into an Irish pub at like 1:45AM and then just started yelling, you would probably end up composing Act My Age. Like it’s just a lot of yelling, and there isn’t a whole lot of musicality happening. And I’m not entirely sure at any point during the creation of this song did anyone stop and think, “is this a good idea?” But like, that’s the point. That’s the whole point. And if you can’t appreciate a little sloppy fun, then maybe you shouldn’t have gone to a pub at 1:45 AM. That seems like it’s on you.

52. I Want

THIS IS GREAT. Because this is totally the “rock” song on Up All Night. And just typing that sentence out is hilarious to me. It’s very baby’s-first-rock-song, and there’s a real charm about that. But the best part of I Want is the staging of the live performances during their first tour. The ridiculous dinner party set up and all of them dressing up in formal-ish wear and like the ridiculous video they played. It was wonderful. They should’ve kept doing that.

51. Hey Angel

Much like A.M., Hey Angel on its own is not that great of a song. But also like A.M., its placement on the album makes it so much better. It’s kind of the perfect album opener for Made in the AM. It’s got that super lush instrumental opening and those epic layered backing vocals throughout. It’s like their producers said, “hey, we learned how to do our job and now we’re going to show it all off at once.” And then they did. It establishes the slightly-more-grown-up pop sound that MITAM just nails.

50. You & I

The chorus of You & I embodies the sweeping pseudo-romance that every sappy pop ballad attempts to be. And like, man does You & I really nail it. It soars just enough to make me almost forget some of the downright terrifying body horror-level of animorphs shit that the music video wrought upon my eyes. Also like, Zayn goes off at the end of the song, and not just on the high note. He hits some of his best runs on those adlibs and it’s money.

49. Loved You First

God. Take Me Home is a great album. Even the forgettable bonus tracks are pure pop perfection. They just like dig their elbows all the way into the soft bubblegum beats that have been churned out of some faceless stainless steel factory just for them. And it just carves out that perfect One Direction niche, a pop sound so ubiquitous that literally no one else even comes close to it.

48. Rock Me

“Do you remember summer ‘09,” One Direction asks me. Oh yes, summer ‘09, when Harry Styles was 15 and like, I don’t know, doing trigonometry homework? Maybe Louis was like, hanging out with his buddies at Starbucks drinking those coffee-free Frappuccinos? There were probably lots of cartoons involved? Come on, kids, I hope to god that was not the “best time of your life.” During summer ‘09, I was being an adult and obsessively following Twitter updates of the tour of a reality singing TV show competition. Get on my level. (This song is great and I love it for letting Niall and Liam take lead on the chorus / refrain.)

47. Live While We’re Young

I gotta say, I am surprised at how much I like Live While We’re Young. I kind of always assume it’s boring when I think about it. But then I listen to it, and Zayn is telling me that we’ll keep doing what we do, just pretending that we’re cool, and I am inspired all over again. The song is just like distilled energy, and all the vocals are so crisp and poppy and the guitar is bouncing the whole time, and I just like- someone give me an inflatable banana to hit Liam Payne with.

46. Everything About You

This song is almost painful for me to listen to because it reminds me of the EURODANCE TRASH POP BAND THAT COULD’VE BEEN. The entire song is great, but during the breakdown, when they pull out the beat, and then bring it back in, and then there are those fire falsetto adlibs. God, this song is so slick and brilliant, and they could’ve gone down this path. In another timeline, they went down this path.

45. Strong

This song gets some points just for giving me some of Liam’s lower register (even if it’s approximately six notes total). That’s the real crime of One Direction, ignoring Liam’s incredible lower register. I’m all here for a ballad that you can kinda just scream along to in the shower, and that’s what Strong gives me. It’s a great hairbrush song (I say, as a person who does not own a hairbrush).

44. Steal My Girl

That opening piano for Steal My Girl is iconic. Or like, it should be iconic. Every set from every pop star ever should start with that intro. If that doesn’t get you hyped, nothing does. Like you just know whatever comes next is going to deliver. And, like, Steal My Girl kind of delivers after that. It’s not a total let down. And it gave us Anna Kendrick throwing down with John Krasinski while wearing a shirt silkscreened with a picture of Emily Blunt.

43. She’s Not Afraid

Wow, no song has ever said party on a beach quite like this one. I don’t entirely know what it is, but it’s undeniably beach-y. And like, this is not a song concerned with petty things like moderation or dynamics, it’s all about just going as hard as possible for one hundred and ninety seconds and I could not be more down for that ride. It’s also a song that manages to preserve and utilize Harry’s tone nearly perfectly in that first verse and then gives me Liam harmonizing with himself in one of the most pleasing symphonic moments of 1D’s discography.

42. Last First Kiss

There’s something incredible simplistic about the writing of Last First Kiss, which is unsurprising given that it’s one of the first songs that the 1D members had any actual writing input on. But it’s also really sweet and heartwarming in its simplicity. And sure, I’d rather just like send that second verse into a void, but there’s some real magic happening in the choruses. And that breakdown is just gooey falsetto candy.

41. If I Could Fly

Let me start off by saying that If I Could Fly is a bad song. Everything about it is super boring and bland and I mostly want to never listen to it. But, like, it’s also the single best vocal arrangement on any One Direction song ever. Which puts me in a bind when ranking it. So we’ve ended up solidly in the middle. Because man, for as much as I am bored by the song, the vocal arrangement and production are incredible. First, both Louis and Niall give their best vocal performances on this song. Louis gets to really tap into the natural rasp of his voice in a way that’s lovely and warm. And Niall’s voice has a richness to it that I wasn’t aware it was capable of. But then in the way the harmonies build throughout the choruses, and the way the lines switch back and forth between each person. And then the trade offs at the bridge and in the breakdown. It’s absurdly well put together, and thoughtful and it makes this group seem like an actual vocal band. But like, the song is aural Lunesta.

40. Alive

There’s an audacity to this song that absolutely should not work, but somehow does. Like, this is not a sound that works for One Direction, but through sheer force of conviction, they’ve managed to pull off this one song. Liam alone goes through like nineteen different vocal tones as he shifts from grit to rock to breathy to smooth. It’s a song that sort of bounces off all surfaces when it blares through speakers and just vibrates through your body. And somehow it goes through this journey in under three minutes.

39. Fool’s Gold

Fool’s Gold feels like it’s just gliding along the clouds bathed in sunlight the entire time. I get that it’s lyrically kind of sad and desperate, but it sounds so goddamn sweet and romantic and for a song about fool’s gold, maybe that’s fitting. The verses twist and turn effortlessly, and the choruses are just pure vocal bombast. And all of it comes together in a digestible caramel-filled truffle of pure bliss.

38. Save You Tonight

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37. Clouds

This song is like a shot of adrenaline straight into the bloodstream. It constantly drives forward with overblown production and effects everywhere and at one point I’m pretty sure they just dump the song into the middle of a Star Trek soundboard and go to town. And I’m totally okay with all of that because adding a few caffeine pills to Four is only ever going to be a good thing.

36. Summer Love

I also kind of hate Summer Love. It’s incredibly treacly and the bad kind of cheesy. And honestly, the studio version is mostly terrible. But the live performances of the song throughout the Take Me Home tour are everything. And the song that gave me Liam belting out and then harmonizing with Zayn in one of the most impressive displays of vocal ability in 1D history needs to get some credit. Just like, be impressed with me.

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35. I Should’ve Kissed You

I have a lot of true pop trash favorites from One Direction’s discography, but I think I Should’ve Kissed You is my absolute trash favorite. It’s the stupidest of their B-Sides, and thus the best one. Like, Liam and Harry do this fun back and forth on the first prechorus and then Liam and Zayn do it on the second prechorus, and I’m just really here for any song that makes it sound like they’re singing to each other about their eyes. This is an absurdly fun song and if you haven’t heard it because you don’t live for B-Sides released six years ago, then you should hunt it down immediately because it will transform your life. It’ll be like the Giver, you’ll see colors and shit that you didn’t know existed. (That was The Giver, right? I’m pretty sure that’s what happened in The Giver; the main character couldn’t see color, then this old guy played I Should’ve Kissed You for him, and then he could see color and like, wrote it down or some shit.)

34. Half A Heart

Half A Heart isn’t a total sewer rat of a song, but it’s not like great. But once more, a single great moment in the song elevates the entire thing. In the last chorus, Liam sings two separate harmonies, one which is played through the left channel and one which is played through the right channel, and that’s like the best thing 1D’s producers have ever done. I like have waited for them to repeat that but it just hasn’t happened and I demand to know why.

33. C’mon C’mon

One Direction rarely gives me the dance pop that I want, so when they do I really have to savor it. C’mon C’mon is like the exact kind of middle-of-the-road dance pop that my heart desires from this band. The vocal production is kinda breathy and overly slick, and it’s just a great affair. I mean, the fact that Liam doesn’t have a solo and I still think it’s great basically says everything. (But like, also makes it significantly worse than another song...)

32. They Don’t Know About Us

I love me some piano pop ballads. And like, this really leans into it with the wonderful tinkling piano that plinks through the whole song. It’s just like such a genuinely youthful song that is so gleefully exuberant that it’s hard not to get swept up with it. It bites down with the defiance of an unruly kitten and that’s just something I need more of in my life.

31. Don’t Forget Where You Belong

If They Don’t Know About Us grew up to become a college student, you’d get Don’t Forget Where You Belong. It’s somewhat more mature, but still far away from being a fully formed human. The way that the song just swells up through the bridge and then recedes back into that wonderful boom-boom-clap breakdown is gorgeous. And the bit of the second verse with Harry and Liam harmonizing is an aural delight. And there are just so many more small moments like that, where someone has a small vocal frill that gives the song a shade more replay value than your average 1D ballad.

30. Over Again

So, I like basically all of the Ed Sheeran-penned 1D songs (minus Little Things, which remains an abomination sea creature abyss monster). There’s just a deftness to the melodic construction that is more interesting than the average 1D ballad. And yeah, usually there’s a whiff or two in some of the solos (as there is here), but overall it’s a great, simple ballad that brings out a lot of the really nice softer tones of their vocals. (... and Liam kinda kills this song.)

29. Olivia

This might be a blatant grab at a Beatles song, but is there anything wrong with that? Shouldn’t more songs be blatant grabs at the Beatles?? Especially if they’re going to be this fun and boppy? Olivia just bounces along without a care in the world, and comes with some serious vocal firepower from all sides. That rapid fire cadence in the verses drives the pacing of an otherwise meandering melody. And man, those low notes can almost be described as showy, a rarity in One Direction’s discography.

28. Moments

For some reason, Moments comes with a lot of nostalgia for me, even more than the average Up All Night track. Something about it is inextricably sketched into the fabric of 2012 and will always bring me back there. It’s easily the best all around vocal song on all of their first album, which is too often defined by botched vocal production. It gets the various tones and breaks in everyone’s voice and utilizes those things as assets, not liabilities. And they somehow managed to turn that chorus into a larger-than-life chant that could literally fill stadiums. And like, that’s some power.

27. 18

So, while I like the Ed Sheeran songs, they’re all still very much Ed Sheeran songs. You can just hear how Ed Sheeran must’ve phrased the song on the demo because that’s exactly how all of the band delivers it on the record. Except for 18. On 18, we get some of the intricate melodies of an Ed Sheeran song, except with the musical personalities of the actual members of the band. They sort of figured out their own vocal identities and managed to wrest some of the vocal quirks away from Sheeran and into Payne/Tomlinson/Styles/Horan/Malik. And like, I enjoyed getting to witness that evolution in real time.

26. Wolves

Is “jaunty” a word people can use to describe music? Because Wolves is downright jaunty. Like, if you’re not chair grooving throughout the entire song, then there may be something medically wrong with you. It’s carefree and breezy and also comes with a supersized side of twists and turns to keep things fresh. Every damn solo brings a delightful new vocal delivery that just adds an extra layer of awesome to the song. Like seriously, every damn solo uses a different texture or has some offbeat cadence or something and it’s a smorgasbord of bubbly fun.

25. Up All Night

For all the criticisms lobbed against One Direction for being generic and manufactured, it’s hard to find another pop act that was delivering this slice of bubblegum pop in 2011. Which isn’t to say that 1D was producing original, groundbreaking music, but they were definitely filling a niche that had been left wide open since like the early 2000s when the last wave of bubblegum pop acts peaked. And Up All Night like burrows itself right into the middle of that bubblegum pop sound that just nestles into your ears and fizzes with bright, unabashedly catchy hooks. And like, we should all be so thankful that it does.

24. Girl Almighty

“Let’s have another toast to the girl almighty,” they bellow and you know they mean it, because they’re surrounded by a sea of mostly teenage girls that built an empire on blood, sweat, and feels. This is the sort of anthem that is a solid record in the studio, but really comes alive when blasted in a stadium and belted amidst the bone-crushing, world-ending power of the fandom that built House Direction. A power that can bend reality to make sense of a light as loud as as many ambulances as it takes to save a savior.

23. Back For You

This song is total musical whiplash, as it jumps from one big hooky line to the next big hooky line, in search of the perfect earworm. Every line of this song is the catchiest line on the album. And each word somehow vibrates with even more energy and electricity than the last. And like, it just doesn’t stop. It’s bursting and effervescent and every second of it should be cherished like the goddamn gem it is.

22. Perfect

“Perfect” is definitely just Taylor Swift’s “Style” with a slightly different melody. But “Style” is a jam and a half, and so I’m down with Perfect. It’s the perfect song to belt out at the top of your lungs while serving just a little bit more attitude than the lyrics of the song actually call for. Like, it’s a song that wants to make “baby I’m perfect” into a biting insult. But mostly, it’s a song that includes the line “if you’re looking for someone to write your breakup songs about, baby I’m perfect” and that’s the best line written into a 1D song.

21. Through The Dark

In the Mumfordineers Folk Hunger Games, Through The Dark is the victor. Because Through The Dark is an actually fantastic song that takes the swoopy melodies and the jangly banjos and the trawling percussion of the genre and uses them for good, not evil. It’s a decidedly sturdy, not quirky, song with some lush vocal arrangements and tight production. It is a vocal delight from start to finish with some pretty lovely harmonies and some killer adlibs towards the end.

20. Tell Me A Lie

Top 20 is serious business time, where all these songs are masterpieces in one way or another. And Tell Me A Lie is just another goddamn gem of a pop song. We get the first sense of the power of Zayn’s voice on the chorus here, a nice hint of the tour de force yet to come. And Liam hits all the most perfect boybander inflections, down to the breaths. The beat never stops and the vocals are always up to the task and the entire song is an example of what can be accomplished with a lot of fire and a little talent.

19. Does He Know?

First of all, everything about the lyrics of this song is amazing, and I will not entertain any conversation to the contrary. The absurdity of this band singing any of these words halfway between swagger and sincerity is great. And the entire song has the cadence of a pixie sticked-up child on a pogo stick, and that’s the kind of bounciness I’m looking for. But also, have you heard Liam’s voice? Namely, the absurd number of textures he hits on his various solos and harmonies here. He’s Mystique, but for voices. ... so, like, a voice actor, I guess.

18. Long Way Down

Speaking of Liam Payne’s voice. There’s something just personally satisfying about getting to hear him belt out for forty seconds on the melody of the song. He carries a lot of harmonies throughout 1D’s 89 other songs, but here every member sings entirely solo. And for Liam, that means carrying a melody and really going for the throat, throwing the real gravity of his voice around like a damn wrecking ball to my emotions.

17. Kiss You

Alright. I’ve described a lot of 1D’s songs as energetic or bouncy or whatever. But this, this is the pure concentrated shit. This is the shit that you can only buy after signing a waiver. This is the shit they keep locked behind the counter, that you have to ask for. Pound for pound, this song has more energy than any other song on earth. If scientists could figure out how to harness the power of this sun, we would solve all of our world’s greatest problems. The song is turned up to 11 the entire time, and no one is mad about it, because it’s just a fantastic song. The chorus itself has like three separate hooks in it; the prechorus is a hook on its own; the verses move at a breakneck pace. Just like, blast this a few times a day and you’ll be able to forgo your daily workout routine.

16. Where Do Broken Hearts Go

And once I got over the fact that this was not a Whitney Houston cover, I was able to enjoy One Direction’s best attempt at arena rock. This is the kind of stadium-filling rock sound that fits a pop band. Where Do Broken Hearts Go is impossibly big and bombastic and has just enough hard edges to break through the roar of an audience. But it keeps a lot of the vocal pop flourishes that keep the song believable delivered by a band that grew up in the circuits of a drum machine.

15. Change My Mind

I’m sure this song has verses and a bridge and like other parts. I’m sure it does. It must. It’s a song. I can see that it is longer than twenty seconds long. But, are we sure it’s longer than twenty seconds? Can we be entirely sure there’s anything other than Liam’s deliciously clear falsetto on the first chorus? Because that’s a divine musical experience with few rivals. The ridiculous control and clarity throughout the entire chorus, and the crispness of the tone and the certainty of the delivery. It’s a pure and magical chorus that should be enshrined in a museum somewhere, preserved for future generations of children to halfheartedly look at and shuffle past in boredom like all truly spectacular art.

14. More Than This

As far as pure ballads go, More Than This basically is as good as it gets. The melody of the song is so much more carefully constructed than anything else on their first album that I almost feel like they fell backwards into it. And yeah, the vocals on the studio version suffer many of the problems common to the Up All Night tracks, the merit of the song is enough to keep the whole endeavor afloat. And mostly, their later live performances showed that it was a song that they were more than capable of growing into. But More Than This is a genuinely sweet song that just hits all the right notes.

13. I Would

One Direction might not have a solid grasp of the subjunctive mood, but they certainly understand a hook. Because like, WOULD HE SAY HE’S IN L-O-V-E BECAUSE IF IT WAS ME THEN I WOULD. I mean, what? Where was I? I don’t know. Because I’m making the mistake of listening to this song while writing about it, and unfortunately the only thing I can do while listening to this song is belt out the chorus. Because this is an endlessly danceable song and grooves so hard and is all the fun.

12. Little White Lies

The first nineteen seconds of this song have some of my favorite production effects of the entirety of Midnight Memories. I like that while most of Midnight Memories veered into folk/rock, Little White Lies just sat there and was like, fuck y’all, I’m gonna frolic in some dance pop. And again, I love my dance pop. There’s a goddamn drop on the chorus, and it’s everything I could’ve asked for in a One Direction song. Heck, it’s more than I would’ve dreamed of asking for. Everything about that beat just pulses through you; you’re forced to feel the song in your core. And damnit, that’s exactly what I’m here for.

11. Fireproof

Fireproof is almost quaint in its simplicity. But like, it’s not one of those sparse acoustic guitar ballads that plagues bad Youtube cover songs. It’s lush and full and has an undeniable energy pulsing through it. Each solo is steady and assured, and somehow each seems to be pitched in the sweet spot of each member’s vocal range. And then, when there are harmonies, they’re identifiable in a way that One Direction harmonies hardly ever are. And they’re not drowned out by noise. The song is just like the best meal you’ve ever had, but not because of any fancy recipe, it’s just got like the best individual ingredients possible.

10. Change Your Ticket

Change Your Ticket starts with some weird spaceship noises and then only improves. The prechorus is fun and bouncy and then the chorus carves itself a solid groove and rocks back and forth in that pocket. And like most of One Direction’s best songs, it’s right in the center of their sound, instead of being some weird facsimile of something else. I don’t know, this just feels like what they should be singing and writing about and how they should be singing and writing about it. There’s the genuineness of a twenty year old multimillionaire in there.

9. History

So while AM might’ve been a great finisher for the album, History is the true closer in every sense. Their last single, music video, and song. And everything about it is perfect. The You’ve-Got-A-Friend vibe is the perfect vibe to go for. The ode to the fanbase that built them. The weird sentiment that acknowledges that this band has a damn history behind it. The production that makes it basically seem like a live recording, complete with an audience sing along. It’s just a lovely song that delivers on all of its promises and there’s nothing more I could’ve asked for, really.

8. Heart Attack

If you haven’t listened to Heart Attack in a while, do yourself a favor and listen to Heart Attack. It’s the most singable of a slew of immensely singable choruses. The OW! alone is worth the price of admission. The verses and prechorus are playful and like almost conversational. And then the chorus is this stew of oohs and aahs and it’s all ear candy. And like, OW! COME ON. Just like, scream OW! a few hundred times with me and you’ll understand.

7. What Makes You Beautiful

Ah, the song that started it all. There’s a reason that What Makes You Beautiful was a gigantic global smash and ignited the 21st century’s most popular vocal group. It’s fucking magical. Everything about it came together to make the world’s most digestible pop song, and then they filmed a music video that showed the world’s most digestible pop band. And like, there you go, mega international smash hit. But like for as global and digestible as the song is, it’s also brimming with the band’s personality. It doesn’t take itself too seriously and it’s incredibly fun and a little messy. And, y’know, great.

6. Drag Me Down

Have I ever been more hyped than when One Direction dropped this fucking bombshell on me randomly at midnight one day? Has my heart ever stopped faster than when Liam tweeted some shit about their new single? No. The answer is no. The release of Drag Me Down caught me by surprise and then proceeded to grab hold of my brain and imprint all over it. Drag Me Down is definitely One Direction in 2015, which is starkly different from One Direction in 2011. And like, that’s a good thing. It still doesn’t take itself too seriously and incredibly fun and a little messy, but this time it was also a little more confident. Less smiling at the ground, more telling people to step off. And like, still a huge, poppy bop.

5. Better Than Words

What happens when you combine a hugely catchy pop song, a fun lyrical conceit, and a ton of Liam Payne’s vocals? Better Than Words. A song that pleases both the ears and the wit. There’s something about the simplicity of using song titles throughout a song. And then the chorus explodes with an actual hook, and packs some musical merit behind that clever idea. And then Liam kind of just goes off, using the song as a vocal playground for his falsetto and his chest voice and everything in between. And it’s impossible to not grin at the whole thing.

4. What A Feeling

In the top 4, every song is #1 in my heart. What A Feeling is a goddamn masterpiece. One Direction like actually created this legitimately excellent piece of pop music. It is so perfectly produced that I almost don’t know what to say. It just creates this entire atmospheric vibe that envelops the entire song and gives it that dream-like quality. And the vocals are all so smooth and airy and float seamlessly along the melodies. When that sound really fills out in the chorus, the song goes from dreamy to transcendental and it’s a damn journey.

3. One Thing

What Makes You Beautiful might’ve been the song that catapulted 1D to superstardom, but I’m like fairly certain One Thing is actually the song that crystallized the fanbase. Because One Thing, in so many ways, feels like the essence of 1D. The most 1D thing to ever 1D. As a song, it’s not all that different from WMYB, but just like even more carefree about the whole ordeal. It’s a big, hooky pop song with a loud chorus. But the One Thing music video, which is just One Direction rolling through the streets of London, jumping over each other in only somewhat matched clothing and generally following no discernible script basically became the image of 1D. They are stupid and goofy and individualized in a way that has since become synonymous with the band. It’s a great song and a better video.

2. Never Enough

Everything about this song is insane. It has vocal doo wops the entire time. It has weird grunting. It has like a weird honking sound. It has screaming. It has all sorts of absurdly messy adlibs. And I totally love all of it. Every damn part of it. The verses have this rapid fire delivery that builds momentum. And the prechoruses have this funky groove to them. And the chorus explodes. And like, the whole time Liam is just doing the most. There are adlibs and harmonies and melodies and backing vocals and then also that totally unhinged Michael Jackson build. The song presents itself as a cavalcade of insanity and Liam’s vocal abilities. And it’s just like the most fun.

1. Stole My Heart

I need justice for Stole My Heart, the One Direction dance pop anthem of my dreams. Mostly, I need justice for Liam’s vocals on this song. I don’t entirely know what direction the producer gave Liam on this song, but I have to assume it was something to the effect of “fucking kill it.” Because he fucking kills it. He’s super breathy and airy and light but somehow still incredibly controlled and tight. And it’s like his voice was made for dance pop, even though we have 89 other songs in which he never sounds like this ever again. Because the world is the WORST. And yeah, okay, so he’s basically the only one who sings on the song, but that’s okay. Because did you hear him on it??? Stole My Heart is the single greatest human achievement of the 21st century and I just want that to be recognized.

There you go. That’s the ranking. Feel free to disagree! But like, know that you’re wrong.

#one direction #ranking #none of these words make any sense

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ferryboatpeak · 7 years ago

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late late werewolf

I chewed on @wickershire‘s ask for a werewolf carpool karaoke timestamp for weeks, and then tumblr fuckin’ ate it, but here’s the outcome anyway. It’s mostly inspired by this photo and this video, and also here’s some Azoff den house porn and Jamesy baby’s place in Malibu.

Los Angeles is thicker with wolves than London is. James hadn’t realized that when he made the move. He’d only known that the boys were in and out of LA as much as London anymore, and hoped that would be enough to keep him from getting lonely. So it was a surprise to discover that LA has a disproportionately influential network of werewolves, and a bigger surprise to find himself welcomed into it.

James isn’t easily dazzled by superstars. It’s hard to be, when you’ve hoovered One Direction’s fur off your sofa. But he still can’t quite believe that he and Justin Timberlake get together every couple of months to chase coyotes in Griffith Park.

All the same, there’s nothing like seeing the boys. Any of them. So he’s only half-joking when Harry mentions doing the show during album promo, and James suggests that he stay for a week. move into the studio, you can sleep under my desk, he texts.

i’ll wee on your rug, comes the response. They trade increasingly terrible jokes about overnight guests and Harry earning his keep, and then James heads into a meeting and puts it out of his mind. He won’t need to remind Ben to get Harry scheduled as a musical guest when the time comes. Maybe they can even get a skit out of him.

The next day, Jeff Azoff calls. “Harry said he’s been talking to you about doing a week on the show?”

It takes James a moment to remember the text chain from the day before. Following through on vague ideas about getting together isn’t usually Harry’s thing. Their friendship is more of an endless series of joking texts and unfulfilled promises to make plans, right up until the point when Harry needs a sympathetic ear and someone to scratch his. That’s when he turns upon James’s doorstep.

He’s not sure whether Jeff’s interested in the idea, or calling to chew him out about presuming there’s a place for the Late Late Show in Harry’s well-oiled highly calculated promo plans. “Yeah,” James says, hoping for the best. “Yeah, we’d mentioned that.”

“Harry likes the idea,” Jeff says. “We all do. Let’s get it scheduled.”

Jeff starts talking about timing and strategy, moving other commitments to free up a whole week, and James checks out. Ben can handle that part. Ben’s not a wolf, and therefore Ben can have pleasant uncomplicated professional interactions with Jeff. Every conversation that James has with Jeff is shaped by crosscurrents of hierarchy and power that flow well beyond the two of them. Especially when the conversation’s about Harry.

James wants to believe that this residency is Harry following through, for once. This is Harry wanting to have some fun together. But he can’t help the uncomfortable suspicion that Jeff’s driving this somehow, and, inevitably, behind Jeff is his father.

Irving Azoff is the most powerful alpha in Los Angeles, and James doesn’t want to owe him any favors.

***

Late one night the week before the show, James’s phone rings with What Makes You Beautiful, and Harry’s photo pops up. James still uses an old picture from London, Harry wrapped up in a blanket burrito on James’s couch, managing to look disgruntled even as he naps. It’s a surprise; he hadn’t expected to hear from Harry until rehearsal later in the week. James swipes to answer the call, wondering what’s going on. “Harold!”

“Hellooooo,” Harry croons.

James remembers all over again how a direct hit of Harry’s voice is both soothing and disorienting. “You in town?”

“Not yet, flying tomorrow.” That explains the late phone call; Harry’s just waking up bright and early in London.

“Looking forward to next week,” James says, flipping the lock on the sliding door and starting up the stairs toward his bedroom.

“Sure, it’ll be fun.”

“Rehearsal Wednesday, right?”

“Yeah, Wednesday.” Harry pauses.

James waits him out for a moment before reaching for a prompt. “Where are you staying?” James realizes he hadn’t even offered, although Harry ought to know he’s always welcome.

“My place is going on the market.” James had forgotten Harry even had a house in LA. He still seems to prefer staying with somebody else when he’s in town, Ben and Meri or Jeff and Glynne or Cindy and Rande. Sometimes James, but James had assumed that moving out to Malibu last year would take him out of the rotation.

Harry’s still talking, rambling around to some kind of a point. “The art’s going into storage, and they’re going to like, fill in the nail holes, or paint or something, or maybe it’s something happening to the floors, I don’t remember. I think they took the rugs out too. So I’m staying with Jeff, but on Thursday we’ll all be up at his family place for the full moon, and do you want to come with?”

A loaded invitation. “Are you sure that’s all right?”

“Sure,” Harry says, broadly. “Irv actually said I should invite you.”

Which doesn’t do anything to allay James’s trepidation. But he’s not going to pass up a rare full moon with Harry, even if the rest of the company’s not ideal. “All right,” James says, like it’s easy as can be. “Tell Irving thanks for the invite.”

James wonders uncomfortably if Harry would still be going up to the Azoffs if Louis and Niall were in town. There’s no point asking him, though. In addition to it being an entirely academic question, James knows he’d only get a vague nonanswer about how Harry loves the pack and would never regret being part of it. He hasn’t left, not officially. Not like Zayn did, bloody and unmistakeable, the other four smelling of scorch and fever as they tried to rebuild the pack’s toppled scaffolding.

James doesn’t wish that on Louis again. But at least it was definitive. Not like the vague drift away that James worries Harry’s trying to accomplish, or Liam’s taciturn withdrawal into domesticity. Niall’s the only one left to bear the fierce weight of Louis’s love.

***

They film a sketch on the day before the full moon. Afterwards, Harry rides with James from the studio up to Holmby Hills. The ornate streetlights are just coming on, and the sharp scent of the towering box hedges is shot through with the fragrance of spring jasmine. The gate at the Azoffs’ opens when they pull up to it, which only serves to make James wonder how his Range Rover’s been recognized. Harry points him toward an appropriately deferential parking spot in the tree-lined circle drive.

There’s a wolf curled up in the middle of the terraced walkway to the house, sharp eyes watching them as they approach. “Chelsea!” Harry calls, and bends down to give her a vigorous backscratch. She snorts and headbutts him. James refrains, assuming he’d get a sharper reaction if he tried scratching Chelsea Handler’s back.

The front door’s standing open, and Shelli Azoff glides down the wide entrance hall to greet them as they approach. “Harry!” She kisses him on each cheek, Harry preening at the motherly attention. “Jeff and Glynne are out back.”

Harry tips a salute to James and saunters off down the high-ceilinged hallway toward the dining room. Shelli turns to James. “So glad you could join us tonight.”

“It’s my pleasure,” James says. Without Harry, he feels a bit like he’s been thrown to the wolves, literally. “Thank you for having me.”

Shelli tucks her arm through his and steers him deeper into the house. “Let’s get you a drink.”

The sprawling villa is made for a pack, with wide-open passages that won’t spook a wolf and French doors open to the exterior in every room. As they pass through an internal courtyard, a black-clad server appears at Shelli’s elbow and a gin and tonic smoothly makes its way into James’s hand.

The Azoff pack is large, and James recognizes most of the faces circulating through the house and down the terrace around the pool. It’s an even mix of artists -- the big names Irving’s represented over the years -- and others from the business side. James realizes that unless the Gerber kids are running around somewhere, Harry’s the youngest one here by close to a decade. No wonder Harry’s comfortable with the Azoff crowd, James reflects. He’s always happy when he’s surrounded by people competing to parent him.

Kris Jenner joins James and Shelli on the terrace. As the women greet each other, James looks past them to an elaborate spread of capaccio arranged on carved ice blocks. The small square plates and tray of cornichons and mustard suggest it’s offered for humans, but the sheer volume of raw meat means wolves will be finishing it off later.

To James’s relief, Kris stays to talk to him after Shelli melts away to ensnare someone else. It’s no trick to sustain a conversation with Kris. The only tricky part is to extract yourself before you hear more than you ever wanted to.

“Kim and Kendall here tonight?” he asks. They’re the only wolves among Kris’s brood. It’s never certain that the gene will pass down, when only one parent’s a wolf. James admires that Kris doesn’t seem to let it bother her. He’s never seen her show any favoritism between her daughters who are pack and the others who aren’t.

“No, Kendall’s with her friends,” Kris says, gesturing into the distance with her glass of white wine. “Kim and Kanye mostly do their own thing.”

Kanye West, all the cunning and power of an alpha but too volatile to convince anyone to follow him. Marrying into the Azoff pack didn’t help matters; of all the rumblings James has heard around who might succeed Irving someday, Kanye’s name is never in the mix. He asks Kris about her grandchildren instead, filling up the space until Irving Azoff steps out of a French door behind James and straight into their conversation.

“James! Glad you could make it.” Irving gives him an LA handshake and James feels disoriented by the disconnect between his appearance and his scent. A short man with an unapologetically receding hairline, Irving looks like the odd one out at this cocktail party full of famous artists and the expensively maintained team behind them. Breathe in, though, and his scent says not just that Irving’s willing to break a few eggs to make an omelet, but that he’s about to upend the entire henhouse and feast on the chickens.

“Wouldn’t miss it,” James says. “You’ve got a lovely property here.”

Irving scoffs. “Temporary. Thought we’d be back in our place by the end of last year. Architect’s fucking incompetent.” He rants to James about the renovation gone wrong on his Beverly Hills mansion, and James relaxes into the conversational safe harbor.

When he steps to the side to set his glass down on a patio table, it’s almost immediately whisked away by an efficient server with a low ponytail and a tray of empties. She glides silently toward the kitchen, and doesn’t even flinch when Chelsea brushes past her, tail catching on the edge of the tray.

James wonders how Irving and Shelli find staff they can trust, what it must cost them. James is careful to schedule his own house manager for a day off the morning after a full moon, and wipe up any pawprints himself so his cleaners have no reason to ask questions. His chef only knows that James likes a high-protein diet and steak cooked rare.

He snaps back to attention when he hears Harry’s name. “Glad to hear he’s doing a week with you,” Irving says.

“Well, we’re happy to have him.” James concentrates on breathing steady and slow, willing his scent not to give off any trace of nerves.

“You’ve always been a good friend to Harry.” Irving shifts his highball glass from one hand to the other. “He looks up to you.”

“That’s hard to believe,” James says. Hard to remember Harry as a sixteen-year-old kid who needed anything from James. Somewhere along the way, the whole world started giving Harry whatever he needs, abundantly and enthusiastically.

“He’s doing well,” Irving agrees, as if he’s thinking the same thing. James tries to stifle a flare of irrational possessiveness. He doesn’t need Irving to tell him how Harry’s doing.

Maybe something comes through in his scent, because Irving changes the subject. “You have a pack in LA?”

“No,” James answers quickly, reaching for the lighthearted emigre persona he relies on to dodge whatever ulterior motive is behind questions like this. “Still holding onto that last tie to Buckinghamshire.”

Irving doesn’t oblige him with a laugh or a joke about how you can’t go home again or a comment about the superiority of Los Angeles weather. He just looks at James, silently, and even though James knows it’s meant to unnerve him, it works anyway.

“Door’s always open here,” Irving says, after a pause.

“Thanks,” James says, shoulders down and chin tipped forward just a little, deferential. “I appreciate that.”

“We’d like to consolidate Harry’s supporters.” James didn’t see Irving move, but all of a sudden he seems uncomfortably close. “The next few months are going to be critical. It’ll help to have a good pack behind him.”

James has to stop himself from baring his teeth. Harry has a pack, and it’s not this one. Or maybe there’s something Harry hasn’t told him, or something on the horizon. Irving has a way of making the world conform to his vision.

The moon’s not up yet, but James’s body aches to shift. “Thanks,” he says, again. “I’ll keep it in mind.”

“You do that.” Irving tips his glass at someone over James’s shoulder. As he starts to move in that direction, he looks back at James. “LA’s a tough place to be a lone wolf.”

James goes in search of another drink, feeling that he’s more than earned it. While he waits for the bartender to mix him a double, he notices a handful of party guests slipping down a hall that leads away from the central part of the villa. A few minutes later, they reemerge as wolves, padding through the lounge and out the broad sliding doors to the terrace.

Shifting seems like an even better idea than more gin. James explores the hallway and finds a series of spare bedrooms. Each has an assortment of clothing neatly folded on the bed or hanging in the closet, ready for the owners to reclaim when they shift back. How civilized, James thinks. He undresses and leaves his shirt and trousers in a tidy pile on the bed, thinking nostalgically about the boys’ hoodies and high-tops scattered all over his garden back in London. Even with moonrise not quite here, the shift comes easily, as if his body understands that it’s much less complicated to be a wolf than a human in this place.

James slips out the bedroom’s French doors to the side of the house and circles back around to the yard. He emerges just in time to see Harry tossing his skinny jeans and flowered shirt on a lounge by the pool and shifting in full view of the remaining humans. Either Harry hasn’t bothered to pay attention to the pack’s customs, or he’s just well aware that nobody at this party’s going to mind an eyeful of his lean body and lesser-seen tattoos.

To the surprise of absolutely no one, Harry’s grown up into a striking wolf. His chest and shoulders have finally caught up with his long limbs and outsized paws, and his puppy fluff has resolved itself into a sleek dark coat. James bounds toward him and Harry yaps and darts off to the edge of the property, waiting for James to follow. They run through the trees and down an empty lot, emerging onto a golf course dotted with wolves. James has heard it before, but never quite believed it: Holmby Hills has enough wolves that they can afford to be a bit brazen about it on a full moon night.

The rolling fairways and the even scent of mown grass are a different experience than the Santa Monica Mountains, where James usually spends his shifts. He runs full tilt down the well-manicured course, overtaking Harry, who stays on his heels as they leave the coalescing pack behind. They weave through scattered stands of trees and leap across flat teeing grounds. James finally pulls up short and tackles Harry into a bunker. They roll over and over together in the sand like a pair of idiots, like six years never went by at all.

***

James leaves Harry at the Azoffs the next morning, heading home in the early dawn hours for a shower and a few hours of sleep. He sees him again at the studio that day, and all the next week, but there’s no chance to really talk there, surrounded by PAs and camera crew and Jeff ever-present in the background. Harry’s residency ends all too quickly, with a transcendent spark-shooting finale that has James half wondering the next morning if he dreamed the entire week.

Then, Harry’s gone. They see each other briefly in London a few weeks later, but it’s more of the same, always surrounded by the band, the crew, a theater full of people. Seeing Harry in person isn’t much different than their text message chain: sporadic outbursts of jokes that make only the two of them laugh, interspersed by long periods of nothing.

After the London show, James doesn’t hear from Harry again until his phone rings at the end of July, right as Dunkirk promo is winding down.

“I’m coming to LA for a bit before tour starts,” Harry says. “Could I stay at yours for a few days?”

“’Course you can, you know you’re always welcome.” As if James would ever tell him no. “You sure you want to be out in Malibu?”

“Yes,” Harry says, with certainty. “Want to get away a little, you know? Sit by the sea, nobody bothering me.”

He arrives at nearly midnight, the lingering traces of London in his scent almost overpowered by the stale coffee smell of air travel. James makes him a mug of tea and – when he almost falls asleep with his face in it – points him toward a guest bedroom.

Upstairs in his own room, James considers for a moment and then leaves the bedroom door slightly ajar. He doesn’t exactly expect Harry to come bounding up onto his bed like old times, but he’s not going to rule it out.

Then, instead of the clicking toenails of a wolf nosing its way through the cracked door, James hears soft knocking against the frame. Just a couple of quick and tentative raps, only loud enough for wolf ears.

“Harry?” James calls from bed. “It’s open.”

There’s just enough light to see that Harry’s shirtless and barefoot, in joggers. The black blotches of his tattoos look like absences in the dark room, like something’s chewed holes in him.

He gestures at the far side of James’s bed. “All right?”

“Sure, yeah,” James says, tugging the covers back for him. Harry takes up less space as a human, but he still radiates warmth as he settles in, turning himself over and back again, the human echo of his wolf tromping a circle into the duvet. He squirms his head down into his pillow, and then scoots closer to push his forehead into the side of James’s shoulder.

James freezes. He doesn’t know what to do with the gesture, somewhere halfway between human and wolf. After a moment he responds in kind, reaching his other hand over to scratch Harry’s head. Harry hums as if he’s pleased.

He’s silent for a few minutes after James finishes a lengthy head-scratch, but his breathing doesn’t slow into sleep. Finally, quietly, he asks, “How are they?”

“You’re not in touch?” James tries not to sound surprised or concerned.

Harry’s voice is half muffled by the pillow and the top of James’s arm. “There’s emails or texts or whatever, but.”

James understands. It’s easy to hide in plain sight in a text message chain. No way for the others to scent the truth, the way you can when your pack is nearby. “They’re good,” he says. “Truly, good. Niall’s coming into his own.”

“Louis?”

“Fatherhood suits him,” James says. “You know Freddie’s a wolf, do you?” Louis hadn’t told James, just brought tiny newborn Freddie over for a visit and let James sniff it out for himself. He’d never seen Louis so proud or so happy.

“Yeah.” James can feel Harry smile against his arm.

“And you’ll have Liam’s boy in the pack as well,” James adds. He knows that much, at least; there’s no doubt with two wolves for parents.

Harry’s quiet. After a moment, James says, softly, “They miss you.”

“Do they?” The question’s more skeptical than hopeful.

“Of course they do.” James has to ask, and there won’t be any better time than right now, with Harry in his bed seeking comfort or reassurance or something James hasn’t figured out yet. “Do you miss them?”

Harry makes an ambivalent kind of a noise. “Yes,” he answers hesitantly, drawing out the word. “I miss them. But I can’t have them around and do what I want to do right now.”

James knows. It’s hard to believe he ever advised the boys to tone it down in public, when flaunting their pack bond turned out to be integral to their success. Of course, now that makes it all the harder for Harry to establish himself as anything other than part of the pack. James aches in sympathy, knowing what it’s like to put pack at a remove to accomplish one’s own goals. It’s been so long since he’s felt that way, though. For years he’s had the boys, and now all the other wolves he’s connected with in LA.

“Would you ever…” – James can’t even bring himself to actually say it – “…the Azoffs?”

“No,” Harry says, emphatically. “I don’t miss a pack. I miss my pack.”

“I didn’t know.” James realizes for the first time how much the possibility had worried him. “Irving tried to recruit me. Gave me some line about supporting you.

Harry blows out a frustrated breath, hot against James’s arm. “You aren’t going to, are you?”

“No.” James relaxes down to his toes with the relief of not having to consider it anymore. “I mean, it’s not appealing. But if you did… I’d think about it, I guess.”

“Whatever line he fed you is bullshit,” Harry says. “He wants you as bait. Thinks if you pack up, I will too.”

“How flattering.” Not liking that line of thought, James changes the subject. “You don’t shift at night anymore?”

“Doesn’t feel right, on my own.” Of course, James thinks. Loneliness is easier as a human, with any number of distractions that aren’t available in a wolf’s body.

“Have you shifted since the last full moon?”

Harry thinks for a moment. “Maybe not.”

“Go to sleep,” James says, scratching his head one more time. “We’ll go out early in the morning, run a little ways down the beach.”

“All right.” Harry yawns into the words. He stretches away from James and swings his legs out of bed. James sees a flash of pale skin as Harry sheds his joggers, and then jumps back onto the bed as a wolf. He’s asleep a moment later, sprawled halfway across James’s chest.

#unbeta'd #so concrit willingly accepted before i upload to ao3 #turns out i could write in this verse forever #i had to make myself hard stop at 4K #you should see the stuff i cut out #fic #werewolf carpool karaoke #late late werewolf

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