#I cannot possibly explain what led me to that thought

[longlivetv]

I know we would all figure it out in like negative two seconds but I think it would be absolutely hilarious if Taylor published a novel under as pseudonym and then just sat back and enjoyed the reviews and adoration waiting for the day we realized

[putschki1969]

KALAFINA REUNION 📢IT'S TRUE📢

Why did I even go to bed last night??! Damn it, I lost precious time. Anways, many of you must have seen my post last night about that ominous Nikkan Sports article speculating about a possible comeback of Kalafina. I honestly thought it was fake news since it contained a ton of unconfirmed/uncredited information. However, there was lots of interesting stuff that kept me from dismissing it entirely. I mean, who would go through all the trouble coming up with details such as specific quotes or exact concert details? Turns out they mostly got the dates mixed up but the rest was true. At noon Japanese Standard Time, we got all of our official announcements. Here's the gist of it〈(•ˇ‿ˇ•)-→

Kalafina Staff Posts 1 & 2 on Twitter

Announcement of "Kalafina Anniversary LIVE 2025" Date: Wednesday, January 15, 2025 Open at 17:30 /Start 18:30 Venue: Tokyo Garden Theater Performers: Kalafina (Wakana, Keiko, Hikaru) Music Director: Takebe Satoshi

To everyone who loves and supports Kalafina We have decided to hold a "Kalafina Anniversary LlVE 2025". We want to sing together as a trio again, knowing that you all have always cherished Kalafina, even while we are doing solo activities. We look forward to seeing you there! Kalafina (Wakana, Keiko, Hikaru)

Ticket sales are scheduled for the following dates: ■Wakana/KEIKO Fan Club Advanced Lottery October 10, 2024, 11:00 - October 20, 23:59 ■Hikaru X (formerly Twitter) Advanced Lottery October 25, 11:00 - November 4, 23:59 ■General Ticket Lottery November 9, 11:00 - November 11, 23:59

Keiko Posts 1 & 2 on Twitter & Fan Club Site & Tristone & Instagram post

To all our supporters We have decided to hold a "Kalafina Anniversary LlVE 2025". Through my solo activities and activities with FictionJunction, I have had many new encounters and taken on new challenges, and I am where I am today thanks to the support of many people. This is a personal matter, but the reason I took a break from singing and then decided to sing again was because of Yuki Kajiura's music. And it was the feelings of everyone who has supported us up until now that led to this event. I am grateful for those feelings, and I am simply happy that the three of us can deliver Kalafina's music again. I am truly looking forward to seeing you all next year. KEIKO

Hikaru's Post on Twitter and Instagram

To everyone who always supports us We are happy to announce that we'll be holding a "Kalafina Anniversary LlVE 2025". Even during my solo activities, I always got a strong sense of everyone's love for Kalafina. I'm grateful we are getting this opportunity to sing together again as a trio and to perform all those treasured songs which Yuki Kajiura has written for us. I hope we can raise a new flag together with all of you. I look forward to seeing you there that day! 2024.10.03 Hikaru

Wakana Posts on Twitter & Botanical Land & Instagram post

(We finally have an official statement from Wakana on her Insta) It has been decided that an "Kalafina Anniversary LIVE 2025" will be held on January 15th next year. From 2018 to the present, we have each pursued our own music, but we have decided to sing together again. I would like to express my sincere gratitude to all of you who always think of and love Kalafina. I am very much looking forward to meeting you all.

Satoshi Takebe Tweet 1 & Tweet 2 & Tweet 3 (deleted)

Today I had a meeting with some artists I truly respect and had a beer in the middle of the day 🍺 We had a fun afternoon. I hope there will be lots of fun things to do next year too. I can't say anything yet, but I'm already working on some exciting projects!! (Tweet 1)

I believe that my mission is to support artists. It is never my intention to betray or hurt people. That is the one thing I have always stayed true to, and I will continue to do so. It may sound naive, but I believe that sincerity and passion are what motivate people. (Tweet 2)

Due to confidentiality obligations, I cannot explain the situation. However, Kajiura-san is an artist I respect, she's a wonderful musician, and I am a fan of the music she creates. I would like to support the three members with the utmost respect. (Tweet 3 - deleted)

Tweet by Yuki Kajiura & Tweet 2 & Tweet 3

Regarding Kalafina I've received some inquiries in relation to the most recent announcement of an upcoming Kalafina Live Concert so I'd like to use this opportunity to clarify that I, Yuki Kajiura, will not have no involvement whatsoever in this concert. Furthermore, I have not received any advance notice or explanation from the organisers or any of the group members. Given the situation, I am therefore unable to answer any questions. I apologise, but any future inquiries regarding Kalafina should be directed at the organisers and official agencies of the group members.

I believe the members of Kalafina have decided to step away from me as their producer to go on a new path that is not related to me. I had been searching for a way to work together again in the future to create new Kalafina music but that will no longer be happening. It is very unfortunate but this is the road that each member has chosen. We are all individuals searching for our personal musical path so things like this happen.

As you all know, the three of them are truly wonderful singers so I have no doubt that they will continue to deliver amazing vocals and music to their fans. I would like to express my sincere gratitude once again for the privilege and happiness of having been able to create music together with them for nearly ten years, and I wish Kalafina continued success in the future.

Yuki Kajiura (Tweet 1)

I hope for a great success regarding the upcoming concert, and that's all I can say about this. I hope to continue making music in a cheerful and fun way in the future (^^). (Tweet 2)

This may be an unnecessary remark, but… there's no way that Kalafina will no longer be able to sing their past songs just because one producer has left, and I personally don't wish that upon them.

I'm sure they'll create a wonderful harmony at their live show in January, so I hope you'll give thunderous cheers and applause to Kalafina's singing and to the musicians who support them on stage. Once again, I wish them all the success in the world. (Tweet 3)

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ��──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

Wow. All of this is wild. I don't even know what to say. I can hardly believe it. On one hand, I am beyond happy and excited. There's no way I will not be there for this concert and everything beyond that. But on the other hand, all the announcements make this feel a little bittersweet. The personal statements by Wakana, Keiko and Hikaru don't necessarily feel disingenuous but they sound a bit flat and forced. Sadly, there's no personal statement from Wakana yet. Obviously, the elephant in the room is Yuki Kajiura's statement and her exclusion from the entire project. The way her statement is written comes off as quite bitter, passive aggressive and honestly a little petty which doesn't bode well for the future (maybe her manager Mori asked her to phrase it in such a way to make the organisers look bad. And I can understand why she would feel frustrated at being excluded like that). Mostly, I interpret her standoffish attitude as a knee-jerk reaction or as a way to strongly distance herself from the whole thing and not so much as an attempt to bash the members (the latter half of the statement would indicate that at least). Also, she already seems to regret posting such a harsh statement and posted a couple of follow-up tweets. I truly do not understand what is going on behind the scenes to cause so much hostility between Yuki Kajiura, her management and whoever is pulling the strings for this Kalafina reunion (presumably Space Craft's management). My best guess is that Space Craft is at least somehow involved in this project since both Wakana and Satoshi Takebe are able to participate (Takebe is not affiliated with Space Craft but he's been in charge of almost all of Wakana's solo work so maybe there are some ties to the agency).It looks like Space Craft are adamant about not working together with YK (same old childish attitude). Then again, Satoshi Takebe has enough influence in the industry to organise a project like this without the help of Space Craft. Maybe Sony is also involved? I have no idea. Hope we are getting more details once the ticket lotteries start. A new Kalafina website (still being developed) has popped up and it's run by Space Craft so that's probably proof enough that they are one of the main players in all of this.

I wonder if this was a spur of the moment thing once they realised how much hype there still exists for Kalafina after that "ring your bell" performance at the FSN event...Overall, the timing is so weird, Why now? I mean, this doesn't sound like it has been in the making for a very long time based on the fact that Yuki Kajiura didn't even know about it. Keiko and Hikaru literally collaborated with her a couple of weeks ago so how did this topic not come up even once???! Wonder how it will affect future collaborations between Yuki, Keiko and Hikaru? They still have the Asia tour dates coming up in November so I can imagine it would be kinda awkward to work together after this bomb has been dropped. Will they still be covering Kalafina songs? Either way, I refuse to believe tha there has been a real falling out between any of them. It comes across like a series of unfortunate events. Maybe some miscommunication and rushed action but nothing that couldn't be cleared up with a proper conversation.

One thing I'm also curious about is whether or not Satoshi Takebe will take on the role as producer for future music (if they are even planning to go down that route?? It does sound like they might have new projects/releases in store for us...I do feel a little conflicted about that since Yuki Kajiura is such an important component of Kalafina. This is basically what I thought would happen back in 2018/2019. With someone else coming in to take charge of the music production. Back then I wasn't completely against the idea since I was convinced the girls could make it work (especially with the help of someone as established and competent as Satoshi Takebe) but it certainly wasn't my preferred option. Ughhh, I will remain open-minded for the time being. My love for Wakana, Keiko and Hikaru goes beyond anything so as of right now, I feel happy and excited. The live in January will be a celebration of Kalafina so there's no way I'm not going. If they continue to hold "tribute" concerts like this, it will mostly be a nostalgic cash-grab but hey, I'm the target group for that. They can have all my money. And I can definitely see myself supporting them in future projects even with Yuki Kajiura out of the picture. Takebe has been engaging in some surprisingly frank one-on-one discussions on Twitter and so far, it looks like certain confidentiality agreements keep him from going into detail in the matter but his involvement as of right now is limited to being a director/producer for the concert on January 15.

It goes without saying that I will not tolerate any hate towards the girls on this blog! If you are bitter that Yuki Kajiura is not involved, that's your prerogative, I'm sure this will antagonise quite a few hardcore YK fans. But please, don't shit on the members for making this decision. I'm sure they put a lot of thought into it and felt like this course of action was in everyone's best interest. They are clearly thinking about the fans, their own passion/love for Kalafina's music and obviously their careers within the industry.

[saltnsugarbear]

holy water cannot help you now (18+)

summary: after telling Lip you don't get the appeal of sex, he decides to enlighten you

title from: "Seven Devils" by Florence and the Machine

word count: 1.2k

content warnings: MDNI!!! Lip calls reader kid, mention of recreational smoking, innocent-ish reader, Lip is a little freak /pos, afab reader genitalia, vaginal fingering, oral (reader receiving)

side note: found a way to mention my new ghost undies I love them <3

divider by @strangergraphics

It starts when Lip gives you your first joint.

That fire in his belly as he watches you hesitantly wrap your lips around the bud. It gets worse when you cough at your first hit, watching how your eyes water.

At first, he thought it was a sense of pride. Proud you felt comfortable enough to trust him, proud of you for taking that first hit.

When you asked for a hit from his cigarette a week later, he got the same feeling. This feeling of hunger clawing at his throat as he watched your chapstick leave a faint ring of red around the filter.

"That's all you're gettin'," He tells you, taking the cigarette from your hand. "Don't need y'gettin' addicted.."

His words make you roll your eyes, blowing the smoke in his face. In response, he cuffs you around the back of your head, ruffling up your hair.

"You're addicted to 'em.. Don't know why it matters if I am.." You mutter. You don't mean to pout, but you find it a little hypocritical that he's going to warn you about addiction.

"Yeah, well, if I jumped off a bridge, would you follow me?" It's meant to be a tease, a play on if your friends jumped off a bridge, would you? question.

"Maybe.." You mutter, shrugging your shoulders. Lip wasn't expecting you to answer so honestly, getting you a surprised laugh from him. You watched as Lip brought the cigarette to his lips and shook his head.

"You're ridiculous, kid.." He mutters when he exhales.

"I'm older than you, jackass," you tell him, furrowing you brows as you look at him. Your response makes him roll his eyes.

Lip thought the curling feeling he got when he watched you take your first drag would be a one time thing.

However, when you explained to him you were confused about how sex could possibly feel so good, it just sounded so messy and uncomfortable, that the feeling came clawing at his brain again.

It reared its head at him when he asked you if you had ever watched porn, masturbated, anything that might give you any inkling of an idea about why it was so good.

And it's not that Lip got off on you knowing so little and being so innocent and letting him show you - okay, maybe Lip got off a little at the idea of you being this innocent. He had this perverted sense of pride, knowing he would be the one to tell you to show you.

But that also depended on if you wanted him to show you. Something about some stranger teaching you how to fuck made his stomach churn, made him want to tell off this imaginary person. When he asked you if you wanted him to show you how sex could be good, he wasn't expecting you to say yes.

So when you did, he was caught off guard. He didn't get shy, but he felt himself get anxious at the thought. What if you thought he was weird? What if he ruined this experience for you and didn't change your mind at all?

His thoughts were derailed when you sighed his name softly, looking up at him with doe like eyes. All of his worries are forgotten, focusing on just making this experience as good for you as he can. The way he kisses you is different than how he's ever kissed anyone. It's soft and slow and sweet. Everything he pretends to not be.

This is what led to the both of you sitting on the edge of the bed, Lip with one of his hands under your shirt, feeling up your chest. You're breathing heavily against his hair as his mouth kisses down your neck. Lip bites softly at a few different spots, drawing out a whine from low in your chest. He's quick to start slipping off the bed, his mouth kissing the fabric of your shirt over your stomach. His hands are the last to follow, gripping at your skin softly as he moves down until he's grabbing at your waist.

"Gonna let me take these off?" He asks you, pulling at the waistband of your pants.

"Mhm.." You nod, looking down at him. You watch him smirk softly, bringing his hand up to push against your stomach.

"Lay back then, baby.." He says as he starts undoing the buttons and zipper. You're quick to please, laying back almost immediately. Lifting your hips so he can slip your jeans off is easy, and he slips them the rest of the way down your legs and tossing them to the side. He presses a soft kiss to your calf before he's sitting up to really take in the state of you, taking in the panties you're wearing.

"What the-" Lip cuts himself off. The way he speaks is what alarms you, making you push yourself up on your forearms.

"What?" You ask anxiously, brows tugging together as you study him.

"Ghost underwear?" He asks you, blonde brows quirking up when he looks up with a smirk. His question makes your face flush, twisting your mouth to the side.

"They're cute! And fun!" You tell him. You had been excited about the little ghosts on the front of your new panties. Four of the five had little ghosts pasted to the center, the fifth having a whole pattern of the ghosts.

"You're gonna kill me, kid.." Lip sighs, pressing a soft kiss to your stomach as an apology. He listens to you huff as you lay back down, fidgeting as you wait for him to do something.

The feeling of Lips tongue over your underwear makes you inhale sharply. The hum he lets out as he laps at you through the fabric makes your hips buck into his face. Maybe you can start to understand why people love this.

Lip spends what feels like hours in between your thighs. He spends that time lapping softly at your core, slowly working you open with his fingers. The feeling of your first orgasm is overwhelming, walls clenching tightly around his fingers while he sucks in your clit. He spends even longer down there after that, thrusting his fingers in and out of you as he kisses your clit.

Both orgasms have your legs clenching around him, squeezing him between your thighs. The groans he lets out against you overwhelm you, bringing your hands to push his face away from your core. His pupils are blown wide when you look down at him. Lip's chin is shiny with your slick, his face is flushed, and he looks positively smitten.

Your chest rises and falls heavily, blinking hard to clear your head. You watch as Lip uses his thumb to wipe off his chin, popping it in his mouth to clean it off. When he's done, he slips your underwear down your legs before making quick work of his own jeans. Lip is slow to crawl over you, slotting his hips against yours with his cock heavy against your stomach. You can't help but whine softly, lifting your hips to get some sort of relief.

"Look at ya. Already got you begging for it like a slut..." Lip kisses along your collarbone, biting the skin softly.

"Please, Lip," you whine into his ear, rocking your hips up so you can rub against the underside of his cock. Your whining does little to dissuade his words.

"Gonna let me fuck ya? Make y'feel good?" Lip asks as he lines himself up with your entrance. "Gonna let me show y'what you're missin'?"

His words make you feel dizzy, but you're nodding anyway.

"Yeah, gonna fuck ya real good.."

[darkstarofchaos]

Okay. While we're talking about EarthSpark S1 problems that have been made worse by S2. Why is Megatron special?

One of the weakest parts of EarthSpark for me has always been the fact that Megatron is the only Decepticon known to have defected. Later on, Cons like Breakdown, Tarantulas, and even Starscream added some nuance by showing them willing to risk themselves for non-Decepticons, though understandably, none of them were willing to defect at that point. But even though such Cons clearly existed, none of them defected along with Megatron, or at any other point during the war.

And Megatron's own defection was just... It's painfully obvious that he was developed to be a Good Guy and didn't have a lot of thought put into what he was like as a Decepticon. By his own admission and Starscream's assessment, he was a violent leader who ruled with fear, but all it took to make him change sides was... Seeing a human care more about his side than he did? That's it? And if that is why he changed sides, he clearly took the wrong lesson away from that, because he still doesn't care about what used to be his side. Instead of trying to do better by them, he abandons them. And then all he has to do to make Optimus trust him is... Scan an Earth altmode. Really.

It all feels very weak to me, and doesn't adequately explain anything. Did Megatron make any attempt to be a kinder leader, or did he just defect immediately after seeing the Error Of His Ways? How did we get from "damn, I don't care about my guys enough" to "my whole cause is corrupt, I'mma go now"? Did he ever try to use his position as leader of the freaking Decepticons to end the war peacefully or steer them onto a better path, or did he just wash his hands of them the moment he considered himself morally superior to them? If he did try to use his influence before bailing, how did he change so much so fast that none of his officers wanted to follow him anymore? Why did he give up on his entire faction and not bring any of the more open-minded Decepticons with him?

There are so many questions that either aren't answered or only get vague suggestions of what might have happened, and the answers we do get aren't enough for me to buy Megatron's redemption. It all feels too fast and too easy, and I do not understand why he could defect from the faction he led but less committed Decepticons just didn't.

And now all of these issues are worse than ever, because all the nuance the other Decepticons had is gone. Now it's just "Y'know, Decepticons. They're evil." Apparently not all of them, because Megatron is still hanging out with the Autobots, Con insignia and all! I ask again, why is Megatron special? Why does he get to change but all the others have to be flat and evil?

The real-world answer, of course, is that he never changed. He was conceived as a good person and ally to the Autobots, and that's how he's going to stay. But you cannot have a "Cons are just evil" story while the ex-leader of the Cons is walking freely in the Autobot base. Megatron's entire character is only possible with the assumption that Decepticons are capable of changing, and trying to revert to Cons Evil makes his redemption weaker than ever. Because it's so painfully obvious that he was written to be a good person and his dark history doesn't actually matter.

[scientia-rex]

Long ask. I didn't see that you had answered anything similar.

How do I do activism? Yes, I could Google it, but I would rather learn from a stranger with claimed yet unverifiable experience on Tumblr than from a stranger with claimed yet unverifiable experience anywhere else, and I'm here and so are you and we can talk and have a [para]social interaction. I won't bore you with a condensed autobiography, but I have a lot of experience fixing mistakes, not unlike being a physician, but far less noble, what David Graber would call a "duct-taper". It's partly what led me to socialism. I fixed mistakes but could not fix the root causes and, when I investigated those causes, I ran into structure. I couldn't explain the human behavior I witnessed as human nature, because it wasn't my nature and, as far as I know, I'm human, so the only explanation I could come up with was that the structure of the company I worked for created the problems I was trying to solve, and I had no power to change that structure, and no desire to join the psychopaths failing up the corporate ladder. I expanded my thinking outward and saw the problem inherent in capitalism and all the associated -isms and -archies, all the while trying to figure out what I could do that could possibly change any of it. I dove into progressive politics, read theory, consumed all the lefty content I could find, and thought, and keep running into the same problems. But even if the root causes cannot be addressed, the effects still need to be, because the effects are people, hence activism.

How do I talk to congresspeople? I email them about issues, but am frankly afraid to call them. Shall I get voice mail, or does a person pick up? If the latter, I'm assuming it will be a secretary. I don't want to be mean to a person answering phones. I've been one of those people getting yelled at or threatened because of events I did not cause and could not possibly prevent or change and, maybe I'm oversensitive or have PTSD or just a hyperactive amygdala, but I cannot overstate the damage those negative experiences cause. Sure, in the grand scheme of things, the lives that can be saved or improved outweigh a few people's hurt feelings or possible psychological trauma, but I would prefer not to turn this into a trolley problem if at all possible. Maybe it's a stupid question. Maybe I'm overthinking it. I can be charming and I have no lack of empathy; I can politely disagree. Shall I have to argue with anyone? Or is it a thank-you-for-your-participation-I-will-tell-the-congressperson-have-a-nice-day situation?

How do I get a job doing good things for people? This is somewhat pressing as I quit my corporate job five years ago, to have what turned out to be a midlife crisis, and have been living off savings (that are running out) ever since. I want to help and don't want to be ashamed of what I do for a living. I've always been able to do anything I've ever tried to do, but I'm 45 with little formal education or qualifications, and am thinking it's maybe too late to go back to school. Most of the non-profits I see seem like little more than scams. And perhaps the most serious complication: I'm a loner, more out of habit than inclination. I'll spare you the background, but I have no connections and no idea how to make them, and I don't believe I have any particular skills so valuable that should confer an immediate advantage or demand for my labor, but then again I don't know what is in demand.

It's OK if you can't answer some of these things. I simply have no one to talk to about them who can give any actual advice and figured you might. Thanks.

How to do activism: The first thing you need to know is your axe to grind. It was easy for me. I've been out since I was 13, nobody ever believes a girl is bisexual, it's always "you want attention" or "you're secretly a lesbian." That was in 1997. I went through hell and I'm bitter about it. So when I realized I liked medicine, I realized I could turn my life into an extended revenge arc by moving home and telling everybody it's OK to be gay. Two birds, one stone. I work with a woman who didn't get her axe to grind until about three years ago. She realized she was fed up with people abandoning dogs. She's one of the most active volunteers at the local shelter now. She's saved a lot of dogs' lives. She didn't start out knowing anything about it, but she told the shelter she wanted to volunteer, and they've helped her grow through the rest of it. My husband works with the local food bank, because his mom's neighbor (who is a family friend and sweetheart) wrangled him in to serving on the board, so now in addition to board meetings once a month he goes in sometimes to do things like help his mom's friend unload trucks. Sometimes the cause picks you, sometimes you pick the cause, sometimes you are the cause. And no matter what the cause is, someone else is already working on it. Someone else already cares deeply and if you show up ready to be hands on and help out, with humility because you know that you don't know everything, they will help you learn how to be effective. I started out in medicine by volunteering at the emergency room near where I lived. I pushed a linen cart around and restocked gowns in rooms, and when I couldn't fit any more washcloths into drawers I cleaned doorknobs. One of the nurses once told me she really appreciated that I cleaned all the doorknobs, because it wasn't getting regularly done. I am in medicine now because of many, many people I asked for help and who helped me because they wanted to contribute to justice and equity in medicine, whether for queers or rural people or women. This is, and has always been, a combined effort. Alone we beg, together we bargain.

Calling elected representatives: Oh god I know, me too, calling strangers is the LITERAL WORST. I'm 40 and I'd rather pepper-spray myself than argue with a human on the phone. Wait until after hours and you'll get a voicemail. I like to leave voicemails that start with "My name is Dr. Rex, I'm a constituent of yours, and I VOTE, and I'm calling about ____." That's honestly about all it takes--when I was hanging out with the lobbyist she told me they keep lists with tick-marks for how many calls, emails, etc., they get on a topic. Calls count for more. The more effort you have to put in, the more engaged they know you are. So call, but if people scare you (and the people who pick up are almost always nice, if you do get a person, and they will 99/100 times say "thank you for your call, we will pass your concerns along to so-and-so"), call at night.

Going back to school is probably unnecessary. Spin your past experience aggressively and start applying to nonprofits. (You "took time off from the working world in order to sharpen your focus on what matters most to you," which will be whatever this particular group does.) It's OK if you pick a bad one to start with; most of them are shit-shows, and lots of them still accomplish good things. Nonprofits are a bloodbath when it comes to actually being an employee--they know that part of the compensation is the sense of living ethically and they will use your altruism against you--so keep your resume updated and be prepared to bail if grant funding doesn't come through, but most areas have food banks and pet shelters and human shelters and jails and medical clinics and hospitals (for every doctor who works at the local hospital there are at least 10 support staff by the numbers, and they are utterly critical and always under-staffed). Sometimes if you start by volunteering somewhere, once they realize you're dependable, you can get a job there. I am zero percent kidding about working for a hospital, clinic, or jail, by the way. Those are places I know well, and there are always civilian jobs available. You want to make a patient's day better? Be the front desk, front line staff who use the right pronouns and cheer them up.

I think it's completely reasonable to have procedural questions about how all of this works, and I am grateful to you for giving me a chance to talk about it a bit. Please feel free to ask any follow-up questions. And for reference, when I was just starting out in research at a time when the market for research-trained people frankly sucked, I applied well over 300 times and got well over 300 rejections (I was counting) before I ended up with a job that I loved (even though it was hellishly stressful and I made just barely more than minimum wage for working well over my alleged, salaried "hours") and felt like I was making a positive difference for the world with. And from there, I kept making changes as I realized what I wanted and needed. Just keep doing it. You don't have to feel good about every step, you don't have to know what you're doing, just keep putting one foot in front of the other as you try to figure out what will make you happy. Because nothing else is a good proxy for happiness, and happiness, for a whole lot of humans, means finding something meaningful to do in life. Helping others. Be okay with changing, be okay with sacrificing who you are right now for the sake of who you can become. You've survived four decades on this bizarre and cruel planet, and you have inherent, intrinsic worth as a human being. You deserve your own kindness.

[ghostlynachopanda]

Study date

a/n: I failed tf out of all my exams this week. at least it's spring break though. I'm SUPER tired and didn't read this so tell me if it's good. Here's this one pals, enjoy

Pairing: Wednesday Addams x reader

words: 1.9k

~~~

Wednesday had offered to help you study for the upcoming exams. Knowing it would be better to study with someone who will hold you accountable, you easily agreed. Wednesday knew she would ace her exams, she also knew you would do just fine without her. Nonetheless, she wanted to be the reason you came up to her with a breathtaking smile while showing off the grade you got. There was just one problem, you were late.

Wednesday didn’t know if she should be annoyed or worried. You were never late, not when it came to Wednesday. Your punctuality never went unappreciated, though she never outright said anything. All Wednesday could do was count the minutes go by as she awaited your arrival.

10 minutes had passed and you still hadn't come knocking with an apology already spilling from your lips. 10 minutes of sitting in an empty dorm, the only sounds being her breathing and the shuffling of her clothes. Wednesday decided she would reprimand you for being late, for making her waste her time waiting. She sat at her desk, contemplating what exactly to say to you to get the point across in the most efficient way.

Another 10 passes and Wednesday’s anger fades into worry. She had no idea where you are or what you were doing. She cannot fathom what could be more important than getting here on time, studying for your exams, and spending time with her. Except, there’s a possibility you’re injured somewhere and unable to reach her. The thought alone sends an unknown feeling to her stomach, settling uncomfortably. She waits, ashamedly hopeful you'll show up and relieve her of this feeling.

5 minutes pass with the uncomfortable weight in her stomach. The feeling is starting to get too much, Wednesday decides enough is enough. She abruptly stands from her chair, knocking it back a few feet before walking to the door.

Wednesday yanks the door open to find you. You reel back in surprise and bring your hand back down to your side. You both stare at each other for a moment, both too shocked to say anything. You part your lips to say something, but before any words come out you are hauled into Wednesday's dorm by the collar of your shirt.

The silence that follows the door slam is eerie. Wednesday hasn't said anything to you, just taking time to examine you. The first thing she notices is the cut on your lip and the bruise on your jaw, both look fresh and not something someone could get from themself. Second is your clothes, covered in dirt and some holes that definitely weren't there before. The last thing is the apprehensive look in your eyes. As much as she savors that same look from everyone else, she doesn't like the way it looks on you. She takes a brief moment to calm herself, letting the feeling in her stomach fade away before speaking, "You're late."

"Yeah, I'm sorry," you replied softly, not wanting to make her angrier. Wednesday looks at you before saying, "Sit on the floor, I should have an ointment for your lip and jaw."

You do as your told, moving to sit on Wednesday's side of the room while she searches for her first aid kit. You are mesmerized by the way she moves graciously around the room, momentarily forgetting about the ache in your jaw and throbbing of your lip. She walks back over with a tube in her hand, kneels beside you, and tenderly grasps your chin. She angles your face to give her the best view of your jaw, seeing the already bruising skin.

"Who did this to you," she asks feeling her blood start to boil. Whoever did this will face appropriate punishment.

"No one important," you respond, appearing unaffected by the injuries and whatever events led to it. Wednesday sends you a pointed look, making you sheepishly avert your eyes. "It's really nothing important, Wednesday." you tried to explain, making her sigh.

Wednesday knows she won't get anything from you, not when you think it isn't worth talking about. She gently starts applying the ointment, careful not to press too hard on the bruise, not wanting to hurt you. She feels your eyes on her, she locks eye contact, wanting to see if she accidentally hurt you. All Wednesday can see is a fondness in your eyes, making her quickly avert her eyes and say, "You look good like this,"

"Like this?" you ask, confused about what she meant. But, she doesn’t answer, content with leaving you confused.

Once she finished applying ointment to your jaw she angled you to look directly at her. Once again, Wednesday is caught off guard by the look you're giving her. Still had the same look from moments prior, but still made that fluttering feeling appear in her stomach. She focuses in on your lips, and an urge to kiss them washes over her. Barely able to refrain from kissing you, she starts applying the ointment.

Wednesday forces herself to stand when she's done, putting ample space between you two before saying, "Grab your textbook, we'll be starting on chapter 5." making you groan.

------

You two had gone over almost everything you needed to review for your exams. It alleviated some of the stress you were feeling, after a quick review of the notes you decided now would be a good time to leave.

Sitting up straight and relaxing the muscles in your neck and shoulders, causing you to release a sign of relief. Fatigue caught up with you faster than you thought, causing you to slump down to the floor. Wednesday looked at you, seeing goosebumps on your exposed skin and how tired you looked.

"You're going to get dirt on more than one part of my floor," Wednesday said, making you turn your head to look at her.

"Are my clothes really that dirty?" you asked

"That is the reason we are studying on the floor, yes."

You groan lightly, unhappy dirty clothes were the reason for sitting on the uncomfortable floor for the last couple of hours. Despite the fatigue you feel, you sit up and look at her before saying,

"I think now is a good stopping point. I'm going to head back to my room,"

"You’re leaving already?" she asked incredulously, though her voice was even. First, you had the nerve to show up late, injured, and refused to tell her anything about what happened, but now you're trying to leave?

"Yeah, I'm really tired and it’s almost curfew. Could we do this again another time?" you asked with hopefulness littering your voice. Wednesday always found it hard to say no to that tone.

"Will you be late?"

"I'll try my hardest not to be," you reply with a small smile. It makes Wednesday pause, she didn't want you to leave yet. She hadn’t spent enough time with you today, and not only that, you’re wounded. She just wanted to make sure you took care of your injuries.

"Stay there," Wednesday said, standing up and walking to her closet. Leaving you to sit and watch her, this time confused as to what she's doing. You peek at what she's doing and see her riffle through her vast choices of black clothing.

"Wednesday?" this situation confuses you. All you wanted to do was sleep in your warm bed. The holes in your shirt provide the cold air a chance to nip at the exposed skin. She doesn’t answer, instead silently walking in your direction with neatly folded clothes in her arms.

When she reaches you, she puts her arms out and looks at you expectantly. When she realizes you're unsure what to do, she says, "Change into these."

"Whatever you want, Wednesday" you respond, still confused about what's happening but too tired to even comprehend what she's implying. You grab the clothes and just look at them, where exactly does Wednesday want you to change? You look up at her and see her steadily looking back, she says again, "Change into those,"

"No, I know what you want me to do. But, uh," you trail off, looking away to hide your reddening cheeks. "where exactly do I change?" you ask, glancing at her.

Wednesday didn't think that part though, truthfully you could change anywhere you wish. Enid was not coming back tonight so anywhere was acceptable, but did Wednesday expect you to just take your clothes off right in front of her? The thought of seeing more of your skin, seeing what is hidden under your clothes makes her cheeks warm. She quickly turns away and says, "go change in my closet, but do not touch anything or get dirt on anything other than the floor."

You nod and quickly go to change, giving you both a chance to calm yourselves. When you start putting on Wednesday's clothes your fatigue is washed away. Realizing you will be wearing Wednesday's clothes makes you want to squeal, but you stop yourself. You take your time gathering your clothes and taking a deep breath before going back into the main room. Walking over to your bag to see all your stuff already neatly put away just the way you like. Gently placing your clothes on the floor next to it, you turn around.

Wednesday has been staring at you since you walked out of the closet. She never could have predicted how good you looked in black, how good you looked in her clothes. A wave of possessiveness overwhelms her. It’s unfair what you're unintentionally doing to her, what you’re making her feel. The work she put in to make her flushed cheeks go away was for nothing, the red coming back tenfold. Wednesday decides then she's fond of you wearing her clothes, just like she is to your kisses.

Wednesday can't stop herself from walking over to you, taking you in with every step she takes. You somehow look even better up close. She steps into your personal space, looking at every inch of you. "You look beautiful," she says breathlessly, not bothering to hide the endearment in her eyes or the red on her cheeks.

You look down at yourself, and eye the clothes before quietly asking, "you think so?"

"Undoubtedly" she replied sincerely.  

Your breath hitches, your brain becoming useless at her compliment. You want to return the compliment, want to say she looks gorgeous. But the way she's looking at you makes any coherent thought fly out the window. Your mouth opens slightly but closes shortly after, words are failing you miserably. Your lips tremble with unsaid words and Wednesday can't take it anymore.

Wednesday moves to smash her lips against yours, taking pride in the hum and exhales you let out. Both of you moving in sync, the feeling of your lips on hers is still as addictive as the first time. She moves her hands to clutch at the black shirt you wore, pulling you as close; not wanting any space between you two. You do the same by placing your hands on her jaw, not letting her pull away. You both hope what you're feeling is expressed.

Breaking the kiss only when air becomes a necessity, placing your forehead against hers. Slightly breathless from the intensity of the kiss. Wednesday watches your eyes travel across her face before settling on her lips again so she whispers, "Let's head to bed, my love"

tags: @alexkolax @rainbow-love4ever @o638 @tundra1029

[ndjournal]

hello i would like to give a little experience. happened a few days ago. keep in mind that i had learned of ND in october 2023 (i was a big hater back then lol crazy how it helped me more than LOA ever did), and only began to take it serious in may.

i managed to “minishift” (in reality shifting terms) to my old dr. this was after plenty of hours doomscrolling and being worried of my supposed life in this world.

i began to experimentally visualize stuff not necessarily from this dr but randomly. and i could literally feel it, sense it which led me to the thought.

a thought that “this world is malleable like a dream..” which im sure helped before i tried this.

all i did was have an indifferent attitude,. if it happens, it happens. who gaf. and so i set an intention.

and immediately i was there. with it looking like my moodboards/what i imagined it to be.

surprisingly i wasn’t excited. all i felt was “i shifted, cool!” it was like peace. like it was just natural.

i came back because it was an old dr.

now the thing about this is i am not fully realized. and i know that the only reason why it worked was due to me simply not being attached to this old dr and its expectations. i have observed this happening with other “manifestations” (like my moms cancer scare, etc) my real goal is my dream life but im too attached and its hard to let go. i want this no attachment type shit forever

right now im trying to stick to the “i am that” book.

my question is how does one investigate like the book states.

Hello and thank you for sharing! Yes I've also found indifference to be key, it allows one to let go and let it be. While still identifying with the character, the level of indifference possible depends on the limitations held in the mind such as attachments/aversions etc which can be deeply subconscious.

Here's something from the book Friendship of God by Neale Walsch that explains why:

Have intentions, but don't have expectations, and certainly don't have requirements. Do not become addicted to a particular result. Do not even prefer one. Elevate your Addictions to Preferences, and your Preferences to Acceptances. That is the way to peace. That is the way to mastery. "You can intend for something to happen without preferring it to. In fact, holding a Preference is an announcement to the universe that alternative outcomes (to what you intended) are possible. God doesn’t imagine such things, so God never has Preferences."

In other words, you can have a goal or desire (intention), but without being attached to the specific outcome (preference). You're open to whatever happens, rather than being stuck on one particular result. When you strongly prefer one outcome, you're actually acknowledging that other outcomes are possible too and that creates resistance. By having a preference, you’re subtly saying, “I want this result, but it might not happen,” which introduces doubt. God doesn’t see limitations or alternative possibilities. God just creates with pure intention, without any doubt or attachment to a specific result, because there’s no awareness of potential failure. So the key message is: not having preferences (just intending without attachment or expectation of outcomes) is more powerful, because it aligns you more with a state of certainty and flow, without the resistance that comes from fearing other possibilities.

Now onto your question of how to investigate. I know you want to stick to the I Am That book but for my own journey, I did not use a lot from his teachings including my practices as they didn't resonate with me (including his way of self-investigation) so my answer is going to come from what I do know.

I'll first briefly summarize what his way is though in case it helps?

What you see as false, dissolves. It is the very nature of illusion to dissolve on investigation. Investigate — that is all. You cannot destroy the false, for you are creating it all the time. Withdraw from it, ignore it, go beyond, and it will cease to be.

Basically from skimming the search results of the keyword 'investigate', his way is to investigate everything that you think is real, then see it as unreal and drop it by ignoring it and refusing to give it attention. This is similar to what 4dbarbie taught and is described in How to let go of Vanessa.

Something I want to add here is to not compare your journey to others, for everything including timing, experiences, progress and practices. What works for others, may not work well for you and vice versa. Part of this journey is finding what resonates for you. Don't try to force something to fit but find what already will fit perfectly. If you listen to your heart, it will tell you because it is your own Self guiding you. Don't be afraid to explore if what you've been doing no longer works for where you are now.

Anyway, part of my own journey was realizing that there were certain limitations/attachments/fears/trauma/conditioning etc that were so deeply ingrained that it didn't matter if it was real or unreal, I couldn't let go of them by simply ignoring them. Ignoring them didn't make them go away because reality was already given on a deeply subconscious level, it just kept them in the back of my subconscious but they were still operating in the background regardless. What resonated more for me was "What you resist, persists. What you look at disappears and ceases to hold its illusory form. You see it for what it Is. And what Is can always be changed. It is only what Is Not that cannot be changed. Therefore, to change the Isness, move into it. Do not resist it. Do not deny it." (this was taken from the Conversations with God books 1-3) This meant diving deeply into myself, directly looking at the causative thoughts of whatever limitations I had and seeing them as untrue or deciding to drop them so they finally dissolved. (Now I don't do this for every single negative or limiting thought that comes up, sometimes ignoring a thought is indeed the way to go, but I just go with the flow and do what feels right depending on the nature of the thought. I don't stick to one practice for absolutely everything)

And so I worked on them individually as Lester taught. It's also self-investigation into the mind but in a different way. I won't dive into it here because this response has already gotten quite long but I've addressed this before in other asks on my main blog and I'll link them here in case it helps your direction (just take whatever resonates for you): 1, 2, 3, 4

If it resonates, you could take a look at Lester's book The Keys to the Ultimate Freedom which discusses more deeply in detail on the how compared to what I covered in my answered asks: Especially Session 9: Mind over Matter, Session 16: Take Full Responsibility and Session 32: Realization by Dropping the Unconscious. You can get the book from Ada's google drive. Link is in the pinned post of @4dbarbie-archive

[pretty-little-howtown]

What the casting of Dr Doom has made me realise about 'Deadpool and Wolverine'

Since I first watched 'Deadpool and Wolverine' I have not stopped thinking about the movie. It's hard not to with opinion pieces everywhere; the creators I watch on YouTube making videos about it; and my friends slowly one by one taking to the cinemas to see it. I really enjoyed it. However, over the past couple weeks, I have been doubting its narrative quality. This has in turn led to some pretty disorganised thoughts about the nature of the Marvel movies as well as any comic book or media adaptations. First I will begin by outlining my thoughts on the casting of Dr Doom. Then I will explain how the casting of Dr Doom affected my view of 'Deadpool and Wolverine.' Finally, I'll outline my very disorganised thoughts about the precedent it sets for Marvel movies.

I am one of the people very unhappy about RDJ (Robert Downey Jr.) playing Dr Doom. Originally this is because I believed Marvel would need some way of explaining why Tony Stark and Dr Doom look the same. I thought to do this Marvel would do the same character fuckery they did with Task Master. Then I forgot about the whole ordeal for a while. I mean I don't work at Marvel, it's not like I'm gonna be able to change it.

Having forgotten all about the announcement I was sent a Tumblr post, surprise surprise, by a friend on the topic. The post outlined how RDJ isn't the type of actor to be able to pull off the highs and lows of Dr Doom. Meaning that, in the comics, the character flips between calling himself a God with the utmost gravity and then being a complete and utter fool. Which I do agree with. So much so, that I created a list of actors I think would be better suited to play Dr Doom. But again, I don't work at Marvel. I can't change the casting. So, I forgot about it for a while once again.

Yet the cycle continues. I watched a YouTube video outlining all the easter eggs and references littered throughout the 'Deadpool and Wolverine' movie. One 'easter egg' in particular caught my attention. Chris Evans reprising his old role of Johnny Storm. In the video, the creator speculated this was a deliberate decision on the part of Marvel beyond it being a fun cameo celebrating the Foxverse (20th Century Fox Universe). They speculate Evan's Johnny Storm was deliberately cast to show that different characters can be played by the same actors. In the context of the MCU (Marvel Cinematic Universe), different people can look the same. In short, Tony Stark can look like Dr Doom, and Dr Doom can look like Tony Stark.

This should have calmed my original dislike of the casting. It's a simple and easy way to explain why in the Marvel film universe Tony Stark and Dr Doom look the same. Unfortunately, it didn't. This seemed inconceivable to me from an in-universe standpoint. Captain America died in the prime timeline. Johnny Storm was purged and left in the void. To me, this means Johnny Storm was not meant to be in the prime timeline and his existence there was a threat. Meta textually this, to me, would mean the same actor cannot play multiple characters within the MCU. However, I must note, there is no evidence the Johnny Storm we see is from the prime timeline. Despite this, I believe my point still stands, as the cast of the new Fantastic Four movies announced Johnny Storm will be played by Joseph Quinn. At this point in time we have no reason to say this movie won't take place in the prime timeline. As such, a more specific precedent is set by Marvel. One in which, characters can be played by the same actors in the MCU but they cannot be played by the same actors in the same timeline. In short Captain America and Johnny Storm can't look alike in the prime timeline so neither can Tony Stark and Dr Doom. The cycle repeats. I forget about the casting of RDJ as Dr Doom. I forget the possible intentionality with which Chris Evans was asked to reprise his role as Jonny Storm. I go about my daily life.

Until I watch another YouTube video. This one about the concept of Anchor Beings. The creator outlines their worries that anchor beings serve to shrink the multiverse Marvel has created instead of widening it. It goes on to mention disagreement about whether the idea of anchor beings is truly another multiversal concept introduced into the Marvel playbook or a metatextual reflection of the importance of Hugh Jackman and Wolverine to the Fox-men (20th Century Fox's X-Men) franchise. The creator settles on the two ideas being the same as a result of the reveal of RDJ as Dr Doom and the rumours of 'Avengers 5' having an anti-Kang anchor being squad. Those point to the concept of anchor beings sticking around as well as showing how integral RDJ is to the MCU.

Finally, the cycle ends. This time I wasn't able to let my thoughts go. Instead, I came to a conclusion I didn't want to come to. Narratively, 'Deadpool and Wolverine' probably isn't that good of a movie. Don't get me wrong I loved it. I watched the X-Men movies as a kid and loved them. I still love them, and this movie was the perfect Foxverse send-off. But that's the issue. The movie's value comes from the metatextual narrative woven into it. Every character in the Void is from the Foxverse. As far as I can tell, the characters are mostly from movies that have either been forgotten from the 20th Century Fox catalogue. A lot more have been from movies that were considered flops, or characters that were horrifically conceived. Juggernaut comes to mind. Wolverine is burnt out and useless, a mata[hor for the current state of the Fox. Deadpool is alive because since Logan he's been Fox's most bankable property, but he's not content because the Wolverine from the previous movies was the lynchpin of the franchise.

That's where Wolverine being an anchor being comes in. Hugh Jackman's bankablility as Wolverine cannot be denied and the X-Men movies made it clear that their protagonist is Wolverine. Metatextually, this can be seen from the generally bad reception of X-Men movies that did not have him as the protagonist. Of course, with the exception of First Class Last Stand and Origins Wolverine. X-Men follows Logan being introduced to the X-Men as well as taking care of Rouge. X2 focuses much more on Loagn's backstory. I would argue he's still the protagonist in Days of Future Past, not just because he is the one sent back in time but because he is the one who ultimately brings Charles and Erik together. This movie cemented Logan as the emotional anchor of the X-Men movies.

Now where does this leave us in terms of future movies? Well, I have to agree the idea of anchor beings does seem to have been created to allow for more stories with a select few favourites. However, it also sets a dangerous precedent that nostalgia can make for a 'good' movie, you just have to do it right. Many people complained about 'Rise of Skywalker' for leaning too much into nostalgia and dropping it into the movie at random. Scenes seemed to be written around easter eggs and not the other way around. Disney hadn't figured out the formula then, but by 'No Way Home' they had. The easter eggs had become part of the plot. If 'Deadpool and Wolverine' was a send-off to the Foxverse, then 'No Way Home' was the first send-off, this one to the Spider-Man IP. Both came after long and arduous legal battles over the IP. 'No Way Home' began with another uneasy marriage between Sony and Disney where 'No Way Home' could have conceivably been the last MCU Spider-Man movie. 'Deadpool and Wolverine' was the result of Disney taking custody of 20th Century Fox.

'Deadpool and Wolverine' is full of ester eggs and references that are woven into the story. A story that centres the character of Wolverine and makes him a metaphor for the Foxverse. As such the metatextual narrative of the movie cannot be removed from the film. It's hard at times to separate this movie from its context. It was conceived as a celebration of an era that will never come again. Now that Disney has cracked the code, I worry that these sorts of metatextual narratives will be used more liberally, stifling creativity and expansion. I worry this will also set a precedent that you need to do your homework before you go into a Marvel movie. Something that isn't an issue for fans more so casual viewers. A while back a friend said they really enjoyed the movie but didn't understand part because they hadn't watched 'Loki.' I'm sure this isn't an uncommon sentiment and it demonstrates something an admittedly vocal minority have been complaining about. Noel Carroll, in his paper 'Power of Movies,' argues that the reason films are quickly overtaking traditional art and literature as our society's dominant art form is because of their low barrier to entry. by that, he means, it's a lot easier to learn to understand pictures than it is words. It's also a lot quicker. I think an overreliance on nostalgia and overuse of established media (TV shows like 'Loki,' or Agents of S.H.E.I.L.D') will make that barrier of entry higher but instead of encouraging people to dive in and explore they might just steer them away.

Thank you for making it through this whole post. I have linked all the posts and videos in the appropriate places above but I will link them all in an easier-to-view list here as well.

RDJ as Dr Doom Tumblr Post

'I Watched Deadpool & Wolverine in 0.25x Speed and Here's What I Found' -The Cadaidian Lad

'Anchor Being's Suck' - Pillar of Garbage

'Power of Movies' - Noel Caroll

This was a sort of half-essay. I mostly wanted to get some of my thoughts down in some form or another. I would like to stress these are just my opinions, you do not have to agree with them. Furthermore, I enjoyed every movie I mentioned above (except 'Rise of Skywalker'). This post isn't meant to make you hate any of the movies mentioned, nor am I making a concrete judgment as to the quality of any of these movies. You're free to have your own opinions and free to watch and like whatever you want. As I said these are just my opinions and who knows they might change in a couple of years.

[writerbuddha]

Good evening, @writerbuddha. I'm a little confused about Anakin's arc in "The Phantom Menace", especially in the climax. What is Anakin's arc in Episode I about and how is that reflected in the film's climax and ending? What does the character learn or fail to learn at the end of the film?

Hello! :)

George Lucas described The Phantom Menace as basically Act I in an epic, where the characters and the basic themes are introduced. Episode I is actually the beginning of Anakin's arc, arching over the trilogy. We're introduced to him and his flaws as well.

We see that Anakin is a very compassionate, courageous and kind person who "gives without a thought of reward" and "knows nothing of greed," and being a Jedi Knight, a guardian of peace and justice in the known universe, who lives for others, is what he dreams about doing. However, we get to see the crack on his armor: Anakin has a fear of losing is mother, he doesn't want things to change, although Shmi tells him, "you can't stop change any more than you can stop the suns from setting." The Jedi Masters, explaining, there is always fear behind anger, there is always anger behind hate, and these are add up to a state of suffering, and lead to evil behavior. Because he has much fear in him, the fear of losing a coming and passing thing, there's a possibility for that to grow into much suffering, not just on his part, but on the part of others. This is the groundwork upon which Episode II and III is built, the foreshadowing of the fall of Anakin Skywalker and the rise of Darth Vader.

With that said, in The Phantom Menace, Anakin learns some lessons. For example, he has to acknowledge that being clean of fear is not limited to having the courage to die for them - it also includes having the courage to live without them, and in that sense, he is very much fearful. He also has to face with the fact that a Jedi Knight can be killed, which feeds into a larger realization: when the good guys win, sometimes, one of them dies, and you must accept the fact that in life, there is no clean, perfect, absolutely satisfying happy end. There are things that we cannot control, so we will never get it just how we want it. Anakin is accepted into the Order, but he had to leave his mother behind. He saved Naboo, but Qui-Gon died. I think it's important that at the end of the movie, everyone seems content, smiling, but Anakin only smiles at Padmé. So, to me, that shows, he has troubles with emotionally accepting this. Which, again, is the inability to let go of what cannot stay.

The way I see the movie, the character who learns something at the end of the film, whose arc is completed in the movie, reflected in the film's climax, and it's also the central arc of the movie, is Padmé and Naboo as a whole: the peaceful and the warrior-like are frowning upon each other, one lives on the surface, in flowery cities, the other is underwater surrounded by beasts, one is led by a queen the other is by a king. Padmé is despised of the concept of war and insist, negotiation is always the answer, but eventually, she must realize that sometimes fighting is necessary. Instead of waiting for the strong and wise leader to solve her problems (which is how tyrants get power: sit back, people, leave this to me. I will fix it, I will make a safe and secure society… in fact, why don’t you put me in charge of everything? You can get on your life, I will bring your security, safety and prosperity!) she decides to stand up, to not to descend into political passivity and apathy, and save her planet. She reconciles with the Gungans, as well as her own warrior-side, and they mutually accept each other at the end of the movie, in harmony and balance.

I hope this is helpful! :)

[coquettebratzdoll]

THE MYTH OF THE SUBCONSCIOUS

ᡣ𐭩 •｡ꪆৎ ˚⋅

After being in the manifestation and shifting community for many years now (mainly on YouTube and tumblr), I realised that there isn't much questioning. There are some concepts that are unanimously accepted as fact (regardless of whether it's true or not). Now that led me to a realisation, the myth of the subconscious mind.

The subconscious mind is described as the part of your mind that notices and remembers information when you are not actively trying to do so and influences your behaviour even though you do not realize it. It is one of the fundamentals, the backbone of the beliefs in these communities. Many of our decisions and methods are built off of the fundamental belief of the existence of the subconscious. There are people who believe that it is the subconscious that makes you manifest/shift, more power to you if this applies to you. I am here to provide an alternative view and challenge this notion.

ᡣ𐭩 •｡ꪆৎ ˚⋅

Before I go any further, let me explain how I came to this conclusion. So I have been feeling major dissonance - I know that my assumptions create my reality, but I still assume that it can't possibly be that easy (it is). It leads me to constantly be fighting with myself in my own mind, whereas I AM just accepts the things I say unconditionally. It leads to me manifesting things so quickly and successfully but only 'small' things, which reaffirms my beliefs, creating a negative feedback loop. My thoughts are a symptom of an issue that I desire to address.

So I am not interested in having this 💀 so I was thinking how I can address this dissonance. That's when it hit me. My subconscious isn't real. When I tell yall that I was stood shook like 🧍‍♀️. It was my own epiphany moment. Like HELLO !?!? I did that 💅💅

Also, quick disclaimer: these are just my thoughts and exploration of fundamental ideas in this community. You are still entitled to your own opinion. Just have an open mind while reading the rest of the post ♡♡♡

ᡣ𐭩 •｡ꪆৎ ˚⋅

“I AM is a feeling of permanent awareness. The very center of consciousness is the feeling of I AM. I may forget who I am, where I am, what I am, but I cannot forget that I am. The awareness of remains, regardless of the degree of forgetfulness of who, where, and what I am.

-NG

Neville Goddard teaches that we are nothing but I AM. It is our truest form of self, of being. We are not our bodies, minds, thoughts, feelings, brains, etc. So why are we giving up our power and ourselves to the subconscious mind ? So much of what we do is built off of the assumption that it is the subconscious mind that allows it to come into fruition. That's not the case !! It is only the case if you assume it to be. Neville Goddard teaches us about our assumptions; "An assumption, though false, if persisted in, will harden into fact." Despite knowing this, many still choose to put the power into the hands of their subconscious.

By sacrificing our power to the subconscious mind, we are imitating control. We are the operant power, living a human experience - imitating struggle. By choosing to be aware of your I AMness, you are choosing to let go of the struggle and accept your power. So why would you give up a portion of that power to an imaginal being ? One you created yourself. You are essentially imitating an earthly struggle to imitating a godly struggle - at the end of the day, it's all imitation.

"Let us put and end to these fears and the worship of creation. There is only ONE Lord and that is your own I AMness. When I say and feel "I AM" that is the Lord. I don't feel after anything else. If I need security, I do not try to gather all the money in the world or put my house on some mountain away from everyone. I do not try to do good deeds hoping a god will give my security. No. I go to the ONE Lord, the ONE God and I feel after safety using the name of I AM. I feel after it instead of trying to find it in the world. I feel after I AM secure."

-EA

Edward Art is clearly saying what we all should apply. Do not go to the subconscious. It is just an unnecessary middleman between I AM and the ego. It serves no other purpose aside from what you assign to it. By relying on the subconscious to do what you can do without it, you are worshipping your own creation. Putting it on a pedestal, which it doesn't belong on.

ᡣ𐭩 •｡ꪆৎ ˚⋅

Barbados is imaginary.

In his work (Series 2, part 3), Edward Art reveals to us that Barbados is imaginary. Neville was at the imaginary Barbados with his imaginary self. He makes an important distinction by this, however. Imaginary isn't unreal, rather something that is unseen; "I am not saying 'imaginary' to suggest 'not real.' I am not trying to play pretend with you. By imaginary, I just mean unseen, substance, a realm. I do not mean unreal. So I interact within this realm just as I would in this outer realm." By treating all as imaginary, we are granting ourselves whatever we desire immediately. There is no time lag, no delay, no reflection, nothing of the sort. It is imagined then assumed. By feeling the need to go through a subconscious mind, you are creating another layer that is unnecessary. You are creating a delay. Even if you assume that the subconscious will be able to manifest it instantly, your imagination already had it long before. After all, how did the desire appear in the first place ? Through your imagination.

In relation to the subconscious mind, it only exists through our imagination (as does all else), yet it is treated as the source of reality, not another method of executing that reality. I AM is the source of all things (reminds me of qur'anic teachings, but I'll save that for another post). Nothing is greater than us. We must see past the fog and fully accept our I AMness.

The subconscious mind is imaginary.

[tonythr]

Bretta's previous love interest

Ok ok another quick theory. It doesn't have much proof but hear me out.

We know that Bretta had at least one love interest/partner/crush before she met the Knight.

And we know that this person seemed to have 'left her behind'.

We don't know how much of that is true - it's possible that the mysterious person didn't leave her behind, but her consciousness, being infected by the Light, made her remember it that way.

But we know that when something like that happens, the infected person doesn't completely lose their memories; at least, they still remember some people from their past.

So who is this mysterious person? It's probably someone who was close to Bretta, or at least someone who Bretta had a crush on, since the way she talks about them and the way she instantly falls in love with the Knight just because of a mere thought that the Knight will be someone who will remember her, makes me think that she had a similar experience with that mysterious person.

Well, I think it's this guy:

The reason I believe that is their Dream Nail dialogue. They're apologizing to someone.

The corpse is hidden behind a door in a structure that was built by the Mantis Tribe. This tells us that this bug was probably captured for trespassing and was put in a prison to rot. THAT could also be the reason they're apologizing. Maybe they're asking to be forgiven by the Tribe, regretting their choice and dying with their mind being wrapped around that one last hope of being free again.

And THAT would be a reasonable explanation. However, I think there is another possibility. What if this bug was the one travelling with Bretta, and the one who 'left her behind'? I see it that way: they were travelling together, but then this bug decided to split from her and later was captured by the Mantis Tribe without getting a chance to tell Bretta what happened. This could explain why Bretta was later found deep inside the Fungal Wastes, thinking about someone who (as she thought) left her behind and forgotten about her - maybe she tried to look for them but got lost and infected, which led her to the point where we see her in the game.

If that's the case, it means that Bretta was never actually forgotten, and that her previous partner's (?) dying thought was them trying to apologize to her for making it seem like they left her behind.

Again, I know this theory doesn't have much proof. It's more of a headcanon, really. I just find it very romantic how the whole point of Bretta's story was about finding someone who would give her love (that she totally deserved) or at least a feeling of being remembered, and how it is entirely possible that one of her love interests actually never forgot her.

Also, there is one other bug who always liked Bretta and was very sad when she left Dirtmouth.

Even Elderbug remembered her, which also proves the point that Bretta's fear of being forgotten was always an empty one. It's almost like the game wants us to think about the idea that one cannot be easily forgotten, even if it seems like no one in the world remembers them...

By the way, I get a feeling that Bretta's story might actually not be over. I definitely hope that we'll see some familiar characters in Silksong, and that Bretta will be one of them. Maybe she'll even have a crush on Hornet (jk... unless?)

[lunar-years]

Re: the fic tropes from the s2 hiatus, I have a related thought or question.

I would welcome your thoughts or recs (including recs of your own fic) because I admittedly found the OT3 WAY more easy to believe in fic in the s2 hiatus, in terms of Jamie joining an established RoyKeeley, even if the signs for the RK break up were there in retrospect. I now find it hard to believe in, post finale (well, post fight - up until half way through the finale we were looking good.) I still read lots of OT3 things that diverge at different points in the show, up to and including mid finale, and them simply not taking their bullshit argument to Keeley’s door, but I CANNOT see a path back from that after they do it, only to RJ, in a strictly canon compliant post finale fic. Of course Keeley becomes friends with them again but the events of canon made me feel like she fully closed the door on either of them in that scene for good, and I can't see it working out the way I once could. That's a let down, and makes me sad especially after 3.11! I used to not even like RJ without K, I much preferred OT3.

So what are your fave fics that deal with them getting together post finale - as in, one that doesn't diverge and that deal with what actually happened? I want a fic to really to sell me on it, if that makes sense, because the show really didn't in the end, it felt like it killed it. (Even with the barbecue scene - it felt like potential for RJ + Friend Keeley to me.)

Can you help me believe in the possibility again?

Hello!! First off, let me apologize in advance for what I'm fearing might end up a lengthly response to what was a very simple question, and frankly more than you probably wanted to know lol. That said, I feel like I need to preface my suggestions a bit first to help explain my breakdown of the recs so here's just a few things to keep in mind:

So, I don't see Keeley kicking them out after their bullshit argument to be a permanent door closure on the possibility for a relationship, which obviously influences my enjoyment of post finale ot3 fics greatly. Instead, I sort of just view it as Keeley drawing a hard boundary on what she's willing to put up with, and categorically deciding that she not going to engage with either of them when they're being that idiotic (enormously valid of her). HOWEVER, I honestly believe all it would take is a genuine apology from them to allow them both back into her good graces (look at how easily she forgave Roy after he gave her that sort of half-arsed [imo] apology letter! Now, obviously that didn't fix anything between them, and Keeley was in a particularly vulnerable place when it happened, and possibly their subsequent decision to sleep together then made things worse for their future romantically, but they are also undeniably back to genuine friendship + complicated feelings about ~more~ in the very next episode! I think this situation would go very much the same way.)

NOW, I'm not saying that's like... an entirely healthy and well-adjusted basis for a romantic relationship right off the go, just that I do think that Keeley would accept their apology and return to being friends with both of them really speedily. And that I don't think the lingering romantic feelings between them all (that imo, we do see hints of all season) would disappear. The big problem with roykeeley that led to the breakup was their inability to communicate their needs and feelings and what they wanted out of their relationship, alongside an inability to be truly vulnerable about their emotions. But i think s3 made it very clear to me how much the love is still there between them, and I'm of the belief that all it would take to fix them would be an honest conversation where they acknowledge they've hurt one another, admit they still love each other, and come up with a plan to move forward. I think the solution would be similar for budding ot3--they just need that heart to heart moment to hash it all out, because the love is there!

As such, the most "realistic" path forward for ot3 post-finale the way I see it is for all three of them to agree to be ~just friends~ for the foreseeable, giving Keeley time to focus on herself & her career and explore the self-discovery that comes with being single for once, as well as giving Roy time to develop a routine with therapy and work esp. on the issues that promoted him to initiate the bullshit finale fight with Jamie in the first place. I do not necessarily think anyone but Jamie is necessarily ready for any relationship where we leave them in s3, so I feel very similar about routes forward for RJ, JK or RK and I do for RJK. Eventually though (because let's face it, I do think they're all deeply horny for one another as well as share deeper feelings) the simmering, underlying sexual tension would boil over and the friendship would develop into more.

But all that said...I also am very easy to please and can be made to believe in pretty much any route to ot3, so I enjoy most interpretations of how they get together post finale/*that* fight. I love that it was left so open-ended, it makes it so easy for me to enjoy most fics about how they might get together

I say all this not to argue over your different interpretation (which is a totally valid one!) or to try to suggest everyone needs to see it how I see it, but rather to sort of warn you I guess that some of the fics I'm recommending might not be as successful for you as you were for me, because I see the situation so differently.

I think a lot of canon-compliant post finale fics (mine included tbh) tend to sweep the fight moment under the rug (as in, it gets mentioned that the boys apologized or what have you, but there's also been at least a few weeks time jump since the finale and the three of them have kind of moved on from that evening) because myself and other authors maybe see it as less of a major dealbreaker that needs to very addressed before the three can more forward. I have tried to curate the fics out accordingly into categories that will hopefully steer you in the right direction, but it's also been a while since I've read a lot of these:

Category A: Very convincing (imo) canon-compliant getting-together post finale fics that don't necessarily address the final fight head on:

The Third Wheel by scintilla10; a very cute one-shot based around the idea that Jamie and Keeley have a heart to heart in Brazil and then bring that energy back home to Roy.

Upside Down by @morethanslightly; post finale, they're all friends! then Jamie and Keeley go to Brazil and more occurs :)

take away the glass by @izzyspussy; OK...so to be fair... This one explicitly states in the leading author's note that it ignores everything that happens in the finale, lol. However, it's so good and otherwise (imo) very in line with canon that I'm recommending it to you anyway, even though it doesn't match the brief. JamieKeeley get back together first, which is a unique take I haven't seen in any other fic that nonetheless feels SO fitting for the dynamic in s3. I just really think this is the post-series fic that could convince you on the three of them again :)

Oh, Lord, You've Never Been So In Love by asexual-fandom-queen; post finale friends to lovers, the fight is mentioned in what i think is a very effective way, but not really focused on.

Triangles by @catalogercas- I love fics where Phoebe is the one to knock some sense into them :)

Category B: Post-finale ot3 fics that DO address the finale/fight of it all head on:

How to Build A Triangle (or accidentally fall headlong into one, or whatever the fuck) by SquaresAreNotCircles; very fun but also They Talk About It! Pretty in line with how I see how things actually playing out in canon, tbh.

boyfriend lessons by @mixtapestar; so this is in alignment with "they apologize, Keeley forgives them and they all move on" which I realize might be enough accountability for the way you view the fight, but there's fun twists and I love anything that involves shenanigans and also their Brazil trip.

it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning - butterflybook; a quick one-shot about the boys apologizing & Keeley forgiving them (author notes this happens quickly, but they share my sentiment that that is pretty in character for Keeley)

Category C: Maybe less convincing, given canon, in terms of like, long-term stability for the relationship without further conversation and hard work, but definitely convincing for in-the-moment rampant horniness:

three turns by scintilla10; this is about Keeley inviting them back in immediately after kicking them out for horny purposes, so I'm not sure you'd be convinced by this lmao. But it's also so fun, so I thought I'd throw it on the list anyway for others people who might be interested and/or if you read some category A stuff that gets you back in the ship and then want to try something different

Triple blend by Dancey96; this definitely takes some liberties with what Keeley may have said before kicking them out. so it's "canon-compliant" in a very loose way I don't think aligns with what was actually intended in canon, lol. BUT! It works for them and it's fun and it's hot and it's a fun way to play with what happened so maybe it would make you feel better about the scene! idk

Heart Trouble by @morethanslightly this is another play on the scene that maybe doesn't address their problems as much as you would need, but gosh it is sexy and fun!

Category D: My own fics that may or not be your speed but I'm throwing in to self promo anyway:

Confetti ; This follows the concept that they're all friends post finale and then slowly the dynamic starts to change; fluffy getting together fic ft. Roy's family

last to leave the party ; another iteration of the above but this time it's years of friendship between the three of them post the finale before the something happens that causes things to shift back around to romance

Actually, the one I'm writing now (RJK friends with benefits) is I think going to be the one that addresses what you are looking for most head on (in terms of dealing with the direct aftermath of the finale and staying completely canon compliant). So stay tuned!

If anyone else has any suggestions or would like to self-rec one of your own fics for anon, please add them/share them with me!

[ohsayit]

Fishing out voiced lines (part 1)

So, I have been trying to datamine for the cut Absolute Zevlor. I can't seem to get the parser to work so I have only been looking at the dialogues from 1.0 onwards.

Couldn't find anything other than the one line on the top of one of the files that says he reveals himself a traitor in a conversation but with no actual dialogue being shown. At the moment, I am going through this video from 3 years ago, so pre release I believe. I am trying to fish out bits that sticks out to me that may possibly be part of the cut Absolute Zevlor lines, and also cheery pick some lines for my own liking. They will possibly will feed into the unknown HC of Absolute Zevlor of mine : )

I'd ask who you are, but I've heard of the Blade of Frontiers. I've heard he was a hero though, not a thug.

I have no idea what you mean, my friend.

Allegiance is a murky thing, particularly for a drow.

This is it. I pray I haven't led them all to ruin.

Who in the Nine Hells do you think you are?

(Speak with the dead) Finish..the plan...

(SWD) Go...where...they belong...

Just how much did that damn goblin tell you?

I..I didn't expect to meet a True Soul here.

I know how to pick my allegiances toom, and the Absolute has already won this war.

Ready, at last. Gods, how I've waited for this day.

That was close. Far far too close.

She was not yours to kill. We Might have bought save passage with her.

And you name me the traitor? Gods above, you are working with them!

It's good to know about your story at true.

Looking for information about her tribe. The same fellow who attacked at the gate.

And the Absolute wants them, badly. I will have my reward. I am sure they will be taken care of.

No matter this idiot overheard me. The others will never believe their reluctant leader Zevlor follows the absolute.

You, however, don't factor into it at all.

And so are you. If you ever interfere in my business again, that I promise you.

Shh. Not in mixed company, my friend.

To that point, there is something I'd like to speak with you about, but not in mixed company.

If you stop shouting, they might not find us!

Tilly, there will be time to explain, but we cannot let ourselves be divided now.

Do you have any idea what you have done? What you have ruined?

(SWD) I would have...sacrificed...them all! For the Absolute...

If these sheep can buy me a place among the wolves, then I will use them as I will.

What did you just say?

Ah, a new deity the goblins have taken to. I hoped the prisoner might be more forthcoming about their plan if she thought me had sympathise her.

Tell me what you know.

These people are mine. She can't have them.

I don't know what waits and I don't care. They chose to put their lives in my hands. Why thank you.

Around here? That sounds...dangerous. There is only so far you can push people.

You will soon find out how wrong you are...

You throw away everything I worked for. Why?!

(SWD) I heard tells...whispers...a new power...could raise up those who had been cast out...

Unskilled in the liar who convinces only himself

But they flocked to me when Elturel rejected us. When they needed a sword arm.

You..! Where did you get that mark?

What do you know about the Absolute?!

This one is interesting. It says he is not a Rider. I thought about if he was lying about it, but it doesn't make any sense. It's interesting to see there was an alt background for him. Though I am still die hard fan for Rider Zevlor. Delicious old man.

"I am Zevlor, by the by. Former school teacher, presently, well, something of a defacto leader to beleaguered people"

And he also have some voice lines that belongs to Aradin? lol

We've got a contract to track down some relic. And he wanted in on the job. Eyes lit up when he heard about it.

Well, this is going to make a part 2 to it when I am in the mood to carry on with my English listening test I guess :P I am half an hour in for 1hr 25mi ish audio recordings. Though I feel like a chuck of them are repetitive as I've already listened to.

Sorry I have to put the tag headcanon with this one. I don't have another tag for character analysis (my more written up gibberish) and these sort of bits of information and what not.

[elficially-done-with-life]

In Chains And Yet Free

Pairing: Rog x fem!Reader

Summary: After the Fall of Gondolin, you and Rog are captured and brought to Angband.

Warnings: mentiones of the Fall of Gondolin, Injuries, talking about death (it's way more hopeful than this makes it sound, I promise)

♡♡♡♡♡♡

You were the only person Rog recognised. There was of course the possibility that there were others from Gondolin here, but if they were he hadn't been able to find them.

He had never intended to return to this cursed place, he had been ready to end his own life. But then he had seen how you had been dragged along.

He had loved you for a long time. Back then you had sometimes come to his forge and brought him flowers from outside because you found the forge 'too dull' otherwise.

Angband was no place for someone like you. You loved nature and its wonders. You loved the animals and the feel of the sun on your skin. Looking you had always shown him that there was more than the darkness.

On nights when he had had the feeling that the darkness was closing in on him again, he had sought you out. It was enough to see you from afar, because no matter how dark the sky was, you were his light.

He couldn't leave you alone. The painful and draining working conditions in Angband would kill you, and even if you were reembodied, you wouldn't be the same. Not of you died alone in the darkness.

Rog couldn't let that happen.

Luckily, Morgoth didn't really care what happened to his workers as long as the work got done.

So it didn't bother anyone when he sneaked out of his cell one evening to look for you. The labourers' cells were never well secured, because to escape Angband you had to cross a river of lava and a high wall, not to mention several balrogs and thousands of orcs. So it was almost impossible. He had only managed to escape by luck. He and a few others, who later became members of his house in Gondolin, had found a forgotten tunnel that led outside. But Rog was sure that they had filled in the tunnel or let it collapse by now.

The heat cut into his face as his dry eyes searched for you and it wasn't long before he found you. You lay shivering in a corner of your own cell and only moved when he opened the door.

Your eyes grew wide. "Rog?" Your voice trembled and tears escaped your eyes. "Oh no," you shake." You cannot be here again! That- " You let out a quiet sob and stumbled to your feet.

That was so you again. Rog felt a pleasant tingling sensation, which he had always felt when you had brought him flowers. Of course you thought of him first and not that you were in the same situation.

"How are you?" he asked gently, running his eyes carefully over your body.

"I am fine, don't worry. Especially now that you are here," you whispered softly, but Rog had just discovered a burn on your forearm that you had probably sustained while working.

He gently reached for your arm and then pulled out an ointment and rubbed it gently into your burned skin. "Me and a few others made this years ago from the few plants you can find here," he explained in response to your questioning look. "The ointment helps with healing and soothes the pain, but it doesn't prevent scars." Out of the corner of his eye, he saw you swallow and nod.

His eyes rested for a moment longer on the burn on your arm. You'd only been here a day and you were already hurt. Why hadn't he managed to find you sooner?

"I am sorry," he whispered and felt tears welling up in his eyes.

"No Rog," you breathed and put a hand on his cheek. "That you are here shows me that not all is lost."

He didn't say anything but simply leant his head against your shoulder. Because your warmth was different from the heat of Angband. It was gentle, like the first rays of the sun on a spring morning.

-

The days went by and it wasn't often that Rog let you out of his sight. You were always together. Every night you slept arm in arm and even though the smoke in Angband slowly washed the scent of flowers from your hair and body, Rog always noticed that you still smelled like home to him.

It was on one of these nights that you suddenly said: "A month."

"Mmmh?"

"We've been here for a month now. It would be high summer in Gondolin now and the smell of flowers and strawberries would fill the streets." You were lying with your back to Rog. He had one arm wrapped around your waist and his chest was pressed against your back.

Rog didn't know why, but he asked you: "Did you have plans for this summer?" The question was pointless. No matter what your plans had been, you were here now and not in Gondolin. Your plans no longer mattered.

"I would have liked to get married," you said quietly and Rog froze. He hadn't expected that. "Of course, I would have had to confess my feelings to the love of my life first." You laughed softly, but it was a sad laugh. "I always thought I still had so much time."

Rog's arm tightened a little and he inevitably pulled you closer to him. "I am so sorry."

"What are you talking about?" you asked quietly. "It is not your fault, my dear Rog. If you were not here, who knows how I would feel. You are my light in this darkness."

"I love you." he said, because in his head those were the only words that made sense now. The only ones he wanted to say. Who knows what happened in the next few days, but he wanted you to know how he felt and that he was yours for the next few hours.

"Rog." you breathed softly and turned round in his arms until you were lying chest to chest with him and could feel his hot breath on your face. "You are the person I would have loved to marry this summer. I cannot tell you how relieved and scared I am that you are here. Relieved because I know you are still alive, scared because you are suffering now."

"As long as you are by my side, any suffering is bearable." he said softly, leaning closer to you. "When we get out of here, will you marry me?"

"Yes." you said, but your happiness was short-lived, "But what if we never get out of here?"

"One day we will." Rog said and gently kissed your lips. It was only a brief, feather-light touch, but it still showed you that he meant it. "And if it is through death itself. Then we will wait for each other in the halls, and when we are reembodied, I will take you as my wife and make you the happiest elleth in all of Valinor."

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

[yuseirra]

Are you all really sure that all the weird things that's been happening around Kamiki's really what can happen on a natural level? It's as if.. When he's pained or when he wants something, when he says things, it comes true in a way but in the worst ways possible.

Remember how he made that really eerie and freaky smile when Aqua accused him: "you tried to kill Ruby didn't you?" I don't know, I really don't know if he DID want to do that but he could have wished for something that ended up causing her danger and that's why he's made such an expression?

Remember how Kamiki's said "I never thought of hurting anyone" and Aqua refutes him on the spot saying "That's also a lie."

He really didn't do anything physically, what he says IS true, he never stabbed anyone or pushed people off cliffs. But Aqua is still convinced he instigated those things somehow through the things he's said. However, EVEN the things he is assumed to say aren't things that can logically lead to something that drastic AT ALL. It shouldn't be that way. Showing toothbrushes? Asking someone to turn themselves in? How can those lead to extreme events like plotting murder?

I...what I'm getting here is one of these two scenarios:

1. He really did not want to hurt anyone but his powers do end up wreaking havoc as it spirals beyond his control. This approach would explain how the Uehara couple died and Hikaru's reaction towards it, he clearly suffered from it, did he WANT Airi to die? I actually.. Don't think he'd have wished something that messed up to happen. He could have wished something like, 'Help me, I can't live like this, someone, save me from this situation' and that led to Airi, the source of his problem dead and gone.

2. He did actually actively want to hurt people and wished for it, and he can get away with it because it can achieve results in a way that cannot have him be blamed for its cause. This approach would explain Aqua's reasoning for accusing Kamiki. How can you even blame Kamiki for Nino's attempted attack on Ruby? I think Aqua believes it's him who's caused it without dirtying his hands, but from a logical standpoint? What Kamiki's told Nino seems so far from something that'd achieve those results(oh and I don't think he tried to hurt Ruby this time around he was watching her show;;; he told Aqua to keep seeing it~~ if he's the one who'd try and kill her and prevent that from happening would he have said that!!Doesn't make sense~~~) this is what Aqua believes his dad's been doing in general, instigating murders but keeping his hands clean

Either way, Kamiki is not your normal human being if he can make these things happen. He can influence people in ways that'd normally never be possible in a natural sense. That's why I keep insisting he must be a god because they already mentioned there are gods like that!!!! There is already a god who's actively going around talking to our characters in the story and let's face it, Tsukuyomi seems super helpless. Kamiki feels more like an actual god capable of making weird things happen compared to her.

There is this speaker who's said they'll embrace their destiny(regarding their feelings towards their beloved Ai) that's him!! That must be him and what Tsukuyomi was talking about in 161 about this weird idea of Kamiki believing killing people would increase Ai's presence or whatever the heck that's supposed to be. The guy in Mephisto going "I've forgotten who I lived as", "Remember who I lived with", that also must be him.. I think he realized what he was, a god, at one point, after having lost Ai and having tried to find a way to get her back?? As implied from the song Mephisto?? And in Fatal he's going, "okay I think I found a way to get closer to Ai. So I have to make sacrifices!! But no matter what I do it doesn't seem enough! What am I missing? How can I see her again?"

So what I'm guessing is that he started out as case 1 but ended up becoming 2 over time, for Ai's case, I think his testimony could have been right?(hope so) he really didn't want to hurt anyone back then,

At this point probably? Maybe Aqua's right and Kamiki's been actively putting his powers to use it to achieve his goals of meeting/bringing Ai back to life once more. I think he's recongized what he is at some point and can use it to his advantage somewhat but it's still REALLY unstable and it even brought about his own demise when he tried to gift his own children of granting their wishes. I wrote another post about this earlier so I won't go into detail but I feel he's granted Ruby's wish of exceeding her mother, and Aqua's wishes (that he's believed)of ruining Kamiki's reputation & avenging Ai, the latter being out of his guilt because he thinks Ai died because of him. He describes himself as Ai's murderer(153) but I don't think he's responsible for that at least.

So yeah, that's why Aqua believed Kamiki should die no matter what even if he has to go with him. He's just too dangerous in Aqua's eyes.

But did Kamiki really intend all this? How much of it? I think his plans that Aqua ended up preventing was...not about hurting Ruby, it really must have been about him bringing Ai back to life in some sense. That's the only thing I see this guy would really have wanted to achieve. And upon hearing Aqua would stop him on that BY taking his own life in the process, I bet he felt things were going terribly wrong. His own powers backfired on him, he shouldn't have tried to grant his own son's wishes out of his fatherly feelings(I think he went to visit him to do that as his last gift for him as his biological dad;) but he did and now just; it went so bad. He really DID grant his son's wish that he perceived it to be but it turned out to be worst mistake he ever made, now neither of the two would get what they really want and Ruby too, she surpasses her mother but at what cost.

Kamiki is so strange. His name is a spoiler. He's a god who tried collecting lights to bring his dead love back to life it just. Works with and explains everything that particular character does. I don't see him being a bad person, just terribly, terribly messed up probably, I wonder just when did he start going wrong. I think he'd have been sweet, till Ai's existed and she was with him at least. The rest is still ambiguous and I know I take him in a pretty favorable light, they have to explain why these things happen around this man. Even Aqua couldn't escape that fate of being unhinged near him, only Ai seems to be able to keep a sane mind around him, but he wasn't originally like that right? Really...I really do think he must be a fallen god. It makes everything understandable, I would not have an idea of what is going on with the plot at all if this isn't how it is despite how fantasy it is

[science-lings]

I've been thinking a lot about Phoenix's family, and I got carried away so I'm going to put the whole essay below the cut, I'm so normal about him

I'm sorry there's just no way that Phoenix has any sort of normal family situation, not just because they're never mentioned even in passing as he goes through extremely major life events, but also because of how he is as a person. You cannot convince me that the guy who fell head over heels for Dahlia two seconds after meeting her had any sort of reliable support system in his life. When she got arrested the only person he could think about was a guy he hadn't seen since they were both nine instead of any current person who would likely care that he almost got poisoned and arrested for murder.

While I think it would be nice if he had lesbian moms who loved him, it just doesn't quite fit in with what we know about Phoenix. I mean, even in the WAA/WTA the only photograph on display is Zak's, and if there isn't a better person to put on the wall than the biological father of his daughter who abandoned her, that's pretty sad. (though I personally like to think that his portrait was there specifically as a target for things like darts and throwing knives). Plus, we already know from the thing with Dahlia that Phoenix's primary way of dealing with trauma and abusive people is just to pretend nothing happened and force himself to forget about them.

That's not even mentioning this guy's abandonment issues and complete willingness to adopt anyone he finds into his found family with zero hesitation. He meets Ema once for a few days, someone he has no personal connection to, but because she reminded him of Maya he stays in contact with her at some capacity to the point that he keeps her investigative tools with him and can have his name be used to gain her favor. Also, there's that new years art where she gets drunk with the Wright's and Apollo. And there are several more young adults/teenagers like that, he's got that foster kid to foster dad energy.

What I think makes the most sense is either that he was given up for adoption/ was an orphan in the foster care system who was passed around a lot, never getting too attached to one family, which led to his abandonment issues, or that he had a normal family life until something happened that estranged them from him. As a staunch believer in Transmasc Phoenix my thoughts are that he had transphobic parents so when he left for university he cut them off and changed his full name which explains why he is so desperate for emotional connection at that time. He suddenly has no one but a dream to find Miles and a girlfriend whose red flags he's completely blind to.

But honestly, there are so many reasons that people could come up with that would also make sense for his character. Maybe they were emotionally abusive and since everyone around him has dead or horrifically bad parents he's just not going to ever bring it up because who is he to complain when his besties are Maya Fey and Miles Edgeworth. Maybe they were just absent a lot and he had to take care of himself (and perhaps younger siblings) until he just couldn't take it anymore. Maybe they just tried to get him a girlfriend to settle down with one too many times and he just refuses to visit them, not even on holidays like Christmas or new years. It's just fascinating to me that there's absolutely nothing about them, I think there was even one of those little (official?) comics that poked fun at the fact that he doesn't really have parents, he may not even know who they are.

I also stand behind all of the ideas from my Phoenix Family HCs Poll because all of them would be so fun to explore even if some of them are total crack HCs. Tigre is only 16 years older than Phoenix but you can't say it's not possible that he messed around in high school and his girlfriend just gave up the kid for adoption and it would be so funny if Phoenix had to put his own father into prison after he pretended to be him.

In my Fem!Phoenix AU where I'm planning on expounding upon her relationship with the Feys and her own spiritual power (Phoenix does canonically talk to ghosts sometimes), the spirit of Ryunosuke found her and kind of became her imaginary friend who appears sometimes because I love him.

Even the idea of the goddess of law making him as an indestructible little terror on the legal system would be fascinating to expand upon. I would love to read about the whole concept of law being turned into a kind of religion, is she a single omniscient god (is she single?) or is she part of a larger pantheon? What would that mean for Phoenix?

I just can't even fathom that there's something normal going on with Phoenix and his family, I think he should pull an Apollo and secretly have the most batshit family backstory. Just looking at this guy and you know he has some kinds of issues, he was an art/theater major, he's got to be a little bit of that flavor of fucked up.