#I cannot insure that i will be able to move in that soon.

[anotherdayforchaosfay]

I'm Disabled.

Before applying for the federal program SSDI, we married. This was to prevent losing the life-saving insurance I needed. At that point, I was still on my parents' insurance, but would soon age out of being able to use it.

After we married, I applied for SSDI, which takes about two years. Everyone is denied by default, so I was prepared with an SSDI lawyer (they only take the case if they know they can win, and their payment is a very small portion of your backpay; my lawyer was paid just 15% of my backpay)backpack. When the rejection letter arrived, I immediately went to her for help.

I inquired about the state program SSI. She told me I didn't qualify because I'm married. I applied anyway, because I ad nothing to lose. Here's what the person at the SSI office told me I would have to do before I could apply:

I need to divorce my husband.

I need to live alone. We could not be living together because this would be seen as us basically being married.

I need to have less than $2k to my name at all times.

I cannot work.

I cannot live with my parents because their income would count against me.

I cannot own expensive things that could be sold for money.

If I was approved, I would have to continue following these rules with a few additions.

I cannot receive gifts of money.

I must have a bank account, and they would monitor it to make sure I never went even a single cent over $2000.

I cannot have a savings account.

I cannot have a safety deposit box.

I would have to continue living alone.

They can stop by my home at anytime to inspect how I'm living. They could talk to my neighbors to see if I had anyone who visited and helped me as more than just a friend. This means I could not have my former husband turned boyfriend stay overnight, and he cannot be perceived as taking care of me.

I cannot have anyone help me financially. This means no one else can pay my bills. If I cannot afford those bills on my own, I would have to apply for programs that would. Most of those have long waiting lists, like section 8 housing (we had applied for section 8 housing in 2008, and three years ago I received an email telling me we qualified. They had only the information we gave them in 2008, and have since moved across the country).

My SSDI, if approved, would count against me financially.

The most money I would receive from SSI, if I did everything they demanded and was approved, was $618/month.

This is enforced poverty. It's also the onky way may of those Disabled would be able to receive the medical care that keeps them alive, like Medicaid. My seizure medication used to cost nearly $2k/month. My neurologist gave me free samples of it every month and helped me apply for free medication through the manufacturer's financial aid program (you should too if you can't afford your medication). I was receiving medical care through the hospital's financial aid program when I married and lost my parents' insurance coverage.

I refused to do as SSI demanded. My SSDI lawyer was, in fact, relieved when I told her I'm married. Why? Because marrying afterwards would have caused serious and life-threatening complications. She encourages everyone who applies for SSDI to marry if it's possible a ble for them to do so. Because of her, I was approved for other programs, things I didn't even know existed, but for two years, it was Hell-on-Earth. I couldn't work because it would count against me. At that time, rent was $650, but my husband was making federal minimum wage, worked full time, and his employer kept changing his schedule, which made it impossible to apply for a second job.

I know many who are on SSI and need it in order to remain alive. One of my friends nearly fell out if the program because a nosy neighbor saw her and her boyfriend cuddling in her couch watching a movie. They assumed he was secretly living with her. Said neighbor was frequently seen just outside my friend's windows, watching her. When she met my lawyer after getting the automatic SSDI rejection, she married, got into the programs I had been in, and filed a restraining order against her neighbor because my lawyer absolutely insisted on it. The bitch violated the terms three times and was put in prison for six months. She's now on SSDI, married, and much happier.

Marriage equality does not exist until the Disabled can marry without losing everything.

[therevengeoffrankenstein]

i wanna see fabba again sooo bad but unfortunately my dumbass parents are dumbass divorced so i have to fucking coordinate with them.

[thekingbiscuit]

More than three people seemed to like the half drabble from my notes last time (insane but also thanks!) so here I shall give another.

It's a creature au where a loner mer legend finds a half dead bottled fae and reluctantly makes friends in his desperation to help the little guy out.

It's written like an outline and I don't have it I'm my soul to write a full on fic so consider this free and open source. (I'll also reblog with what I wrote about my creature headcannons so check that if it's confusing)

Legend is swimming around lazily in the sun, trying to get away from it all.

He's half asleep when a bottle knocks against him.

He's pretty far off and nothing should be able to get in or out of this water. But he decides it's not his problem.

He likes the bottle, and he's a bit of a hoarder, so he takes it. Back in his den he opens it to find a dead looking fairy.

He has no clue what to do, but feels kinda bad so he rests him on a ledge.

He covers it with a soft cloth, hoping it would die peacefully, but it clutches at his fingers, a gesture legend takes as wanting to live.

Legend is secretive but also a little lonely, so he decides to take on the task.

He flunders for a couple days. A first it's too hot, so he cools it with water, but then it suddenly starts to shiver, so he puts him in the sun under some blankets, that makes him get some kind of seizure. All the while he's accidentally getting attached.

It takes three days for the annoying human to come looking for him. It's warriors and he brought some fish. He's really after his flame rod for a bonfire.

Legend is stressed as it is and tries to get the intruder to leave, but wars finds out anyway.

Legend shields him protectively, but wars insists that the fae will die at this rate. Out of options, he accepts help.

Wars suggests time, who supposedly grew up with fae, but leg can't get that far into the island and is unwilling. He tells him to help him himself or don't help at all.

Wars does what he can, he's having a hard time with such a small patient. They have a breakthrough when his breathing is steady and he's no longer fitful, but he is still definitely going to die without any food.

Legend gives in and they go visit four, unfortunately that means including war's charge wind. Four has a forge near a river that legend is able to get near to, but he cannot go all the way. Wars leaves his scarf with legend as insurance and goes with the fae to get help.

Legend is beside himself despite himself and it shows so clearly that sky tries to cheer him up. Leg bites at him though. Sky says he wishes he'd hang out with them more, and he'd love to help him with whatever, but he needs to talk to them.

Sky flies off, and the trio returns with the patient. Legend tolerates four and vice versa, so four agrees to be a live in nurse in exchange for some sea minerals for his forge.

Legend is appalled at the idea of more people in his sea cave, but wars insists that the fae needs better care, so he agrees. Four moves in.

The fae child improves rapidly with someone his size to feed and look after him. He even wakes up one night. Legend alone talks to him, he's not very present, but he says he's lost and gives him his name. Leg is against it, but hyrule doesn't understand why, and learns that the fae boy is probably an orphan.

During Hyrule's recovery wild finds them, begging four for a new sword. He's mostly uninterested in the fairy. Four doesn't want to leave so soon, but hyrule is ok with it and legend is more than happy, like a liar.

Wild makes a meal for legend and crew as an apology for taking four away. Wars explains that wild is the only soul on the island who can cook a decent meal, and will constantly use this to bribe for his own way. It works too.

Legend has to coax hyrule into eating, and then learns that he enjoys watching his new little friend thrive.

Hyrule gets better on tall tales from Wind's seemingly imaginary time as a pirate and war's time in the army. Legend never knew the islanders had actual lives like that. Hyrule asks him about his own past.

He doesn't tell them all his trauma, but just that he was accused of kidnapping his own sister, the princess and was banished away. This was his second time washing up on an island.

Finally Hyrule tells his own story, he's a rare type of male great fairy nymph, with royal blood that can be used for premium dark magic, so he was being milked for his blood. He tells the story in an extremely innocent way.

His bottle fell out of a window, and he was at sea for a very long time. He thanks legend for all his help.

Later, hyrule worries about his wings. He's been trapped all his life and never learned to fly. Legend does not hesitate to enlist sky for help this time. Hyrule caught on quickly and they make a day of it, legend leaps as high up as he can to try to catch the airborne creatures.

The avian invites legend to a campfire. Legend hasn't been to one before, he avoids them, but this time he agrees. Hyrule is excited about the food. Sky warns him to introduce Hyrule to twilight first so there won't be any problems.

Legend does try, but hyrule falls into a panic attack at the scent of dark magic, and they learn that he isn't completely ok. Twilight is a little put off, but respects their space.

Time just pushes himself in at that point, wondering why he hasn't gotten to see the new islander yet. Time adores fae and is very good to hyrule, making legend jealous.

He leaves Hyrule in time's care to go hunt. When he returns hyrule tries to tell him about time teaching him that all dark magic isn't evil, and that he gave him something to show him, but legend brushes him off.

They're at sea when hyrule brings up the bonfire again, legend asks if he's sure, and hyrule isn't afraid of twili magic, only dark. He wants to show him the item time gave him, but legend has no time to react to the twili crystal and suddenly he's a drowning rabbit in the ocean.

Legend resigns himself to death, but the entire chain joins a rescue mission. Now legend is the sick one. He wants a moon pearl so he can grovel in his misfortune in his cave, but nobody will let him, in fact they take advantage of his situation and show him around the land bits of the island.

When he does turn back, he's just a dude with pink hair. He's forced to admit that he's cursed with legs if he gets beached, but he has to drown on air before it kicks in so he doesn't. The rabbit thing is a different curse. He's just really cursed.

They convince him to stay human just for the bonfire.

Finally they get to see what the bonfire thing is all about, and it's really just a good time with food and friends. Legend almost can't believe it deep down. Yet here it is.

[oldweedsmokingbf]

I need some help with necessities and doctor bills 😖

[ pls don't tag this post in a way that tumblr will nuke me for lol ]

Hey. I really hate to make this post where I feel like I'm writing a sob story but it's gotten to a point where people around are telling me I need to ask for help bc I'm struggling so much. Anyways, financially my family and I are not doing well... For context: I've been out of work for 2 months due to a workplace injury + workers comp will only pay for appointments regarding my right knee, where the place of injury took place. Therein lies the problem now, though... After getting my X-rays and MRI results my knee was fine, other than fluid in the spot of injury, yet I was still having leg numbness and symptoms for a bit (tmi but it's also become hard to tell when I need to go to the bathroom now too). My doctor told me my issue lies in my spine and the impact could've also affected that... I already have indications of osteoarthritis, bone spurs, as well as constant back pain I struggle with daily. My knee doesn't hurt like it was, but the bigger issue is my back now and worker's comp won't pay for that. I'm in physical therapy for my knee but not my back right now (paid for by wc). Currently, I am living with my mom after a nasty divorce where she had to pay out a shit ton of money (we've had to cut off my dad bc he's abusive and we are both mentally recovering from it. I deal w a lot of PTSD flashbacks and dissociative issues because of all this.) and she's struggling as well as I and we want to move when feasibly possible. I've been relying on her and my girlfriend if I need money for food and "mary wanna" to curb the pain I've been. My girlfriend also lives at home in an abusive situation that she's trying to move out of and is also struggling. I cannot keep relying on these people comfortably yet I'm in an extreme amount of pain where I cannot return to my cashier job where my shifts are usually 7-8 hours long. I'm going to try and open commissions soon after finishing more examples and compiling a good way to show off my different art styles. I plan on doing "Name Your Price" comms with a $5 minimum since my situation is starting to get dire. I'll add that onto the post and make another one soon but for now I'm gonna drop my accounts if you're comfortably able to help me out. My funds are gonna go towards necessities and any doctors appointments my mom's insurance won't cover. I still need to make an appointment for my spine and plan on it soon but financially I am afraid to. Thank you for reading if you've gotten this far! Hope you have a good rest of your day! ❤️

cã$hãpp: $solarsys

v3nm0: @/putridpeaches

p@yp@l: @/putridpeaches

ignore my birth name idk her 😁

[oncamelliastreet]

depression rant <3

idk sometimes i would like for just one thing in my life to go well. like literally not even my playlist is working right now. 700 songs off of my 1200 song playlist i listen to everyday disappeared so i have to make a new one. and the new one is only showing up on my phone, not my ipad. and i can’t fix it.

and as much as i wish he was, i really don’t think my crush is into me too. i don’t think im likeable. im not pretty enough to attract anyone (girls aren’t even in the picture at school because it’s literally a catholic school in the midwest everybody is homophobic and guys either chose the prettier girls or date someone outside of our school). and even if i was attractive i don’t think my personality is enough. i’m too quiet and anxious at first for anyone to stick around and get to know me. there will always be someone better in comparison. and yk what even if i did manage to find someone who liked me back they would probably leave the second they found out im really not comfortable with having sex any time soon (if ever) at all. i’m just gonna die alone with my dogs while my sisters live their happy lives with their families.

and none of my friends even care about me outside of school. they talk to me when i’m in their classes but outside of school i’m not getting invited anywhere. and when i do get invited somewhere, like to hang out at my “best friends” house for example, her neighbor she’s friends with conveniently is coming over and she couldn’t figure out how to say no so they’re just talking the whole time and i’m just there in the background. or i’ll try to make plans and then they’ll cancel on me 30 minutes before they’re supposed to show up 4 times in a row. because their’s always something better to do.

and my head hurts all of the time and i went to a neurologist for it but i basically have to try a bunch of pills that almost definitely won’t work before i can get to the stuff most likely to be effective because the stuff that will probably help is more expensive and my insurance won’t cover it if i haven’t tried the stuff that won’t work and is cheaper. and i had a headache all day during my family gathering for my moms birthday because i used a shampoo that smelled a little bit and i felt like throwing up from it, and my mom had to wash my hair over the sink like a baby half way through the day because it was so intolerable.

and on top of that i couldn’t even get my mom a good present for her birthday because i dont have a job to be able to afford anything and i couldn’t go shopping with what little money i have because i dont have a drivers liscence and none of my siblings live close to home anymore so i had nobody to take me shopping. so everybody got her a really nice and thoughtful present and i got her fucking flowers because that’s the shitty daughter i am i guess.

and my dog has had a lot of spine issues because she’s a hot dog and they’re really prone to back injuries. and she’s been acting really weird the last week and i’m worried she’s gonna get hurt for like the 7th time. and it feels like nobody but me and my mom take it seriously because my older sisters will pick her up like it’s no problem even though every time she gets picked up a lot she gets hurt some time soon after. and my fucking grandma invited her to jump up on the couch when nobody was paying attention (she absolutely cannot jump on couches for the rest of her life, every time she does she gets SUPER injured) but i couldn’t say anything because she’s an old lady so i was just on the edge of a panic attack the entire day even though i just wanted to yell at her because she completely ignored us EVERY time she comes to visit. literally every time she’s here my dog ends up jumping on a couch and is hurt and crying in her bed unable to move days later. and it seems like im the only one who cares.

and on top of that it’s now one in the morning and i have to be up in 5 hours to take the psat which im gonna fail because im horrible at standardized testing and theyre online now which means i really can’t focus at all and im just a lost cause.

i give up trying atp.

[dangerous-disposition]

so i was watching some of my dashcam footage that i deliberately saved bc of Calgary Driver Shenanigans taking place in proximity to me and i straight up hate people who brake-check so much

pulling that shit is so dangerous, even at "low" speeds. and even if someone is riding your asshole hard, you don't brake-check them. as soon as you do a brake-check, you have now made yourself the more reckless driver in that equation.

you should never, ever do something to deliberately cause a collision when operating heavy machinery.

like, i cannot even fathom the kind of self-absorbed loser you have to be to play chicken like that in a way that could get someone fucking killed.

just... like... i keep thinking back to this accident that happened here one or two years ago, where a pick-up truck brake-checked a minivan on the highway in less than ideal driving conditions and the van spun out, and then rolled multiple times into the ditch, and one of the children in the van was ejected. the pick-up truck didn't even stop and as far as i'm aware was never even found. like that driver fucking killed a kid.... and for what? the driver of the van maybe pissed them off? was driving a bit too close? like please, if you are someone who brake-checks because you assume you'll be just fine if you get hit bc "lol i'm insured" you should always assume that the worse possible outcome could happen. when operating heavy machinery going more than 20mph around other people also operating heavy machinery going the same or higher speeds, you should always be thinking about the worst case scenario of pulling a dumbass move that affects multiple ppl.

like when you brake-check someone, you think this is a tussle that's just between you and that person, yeah? and you feel justified because maybe this person is driving too close, or they seem distracted, or maybe they pissed you off earlier, right? Oh, but I bet you looked all around, considered all of the variables, and determined that should an accident occur, it's only the two of you that's gonna have your day ruined, right? I'm sure you're cocky enough to think that. Like I'm positive (sarcastic) you've thought about all of these things before brake-checking:

the other vehicles in the road other than you and the person behind you

is there a big truck behind the person behind you that is going to have a fucking heart attack trying to stop?

the road conditions in general

what if the driver behind you doesn't have new tires? what if one of their tires blows out trying to brake and they spin out?

are their pedestrians you might be endangering if your stupid move causes an accident?

what if the other driver has kids in the car? passengers in general? your beef is with the driver, but causing an accident would be punishing their innocent passengers too

what if the accident you cause totals your car? are you able to be without a car?

what if the accident totals the other person's car? what if their livelihood depends on them having a car?

what if the other person doesn't have insurance? yeah, that's illegal, but it does you no good. if you think your insurance is going to pick up the tab in that case with no fight at all, you're naive as fuck. like unless you have complete car insurance and not just liability insurance, your insurance company will fucking fight any claim you make. even with complete car insurance, they fight claims. remember, car insurance companies are in the business of hoarding the money you pay them. they do not actually want to pay out.

what if the other driver has a dashcam and can definitively prove that you braked for no reason other than to endanger literally everyone else on the road?

like that's just some of the things to fucking consider re: brake-checking. and when the list of risks is that long while incomplete, what do you even gain by brake-checking?

brake-checking is petty, stupid, and fucking reckless. it can seriously injure people that aren't even involved in your beef, and it can even kill people. brake-checking is some of the most self-absorbed behaviour to have behind the wheel, and people who do it are fucking losers.

period.

even if the other driver is following too close, or driving aggressively. you don't make an already dangerous situation even more dangerous oh my fucking god like why isn't that common fucking sense.

[againstme]

i’m stressed to high heaven and i’m posting my gofundme tomorrow so i can get funds for the flight up to portland, the uber to my friend’s place, and the fee for the storage container payments im having to take over, as soon as possible. the ticket is the first priority to get the cheaper tickets for the beginning of june, and the uber goes with that but the price is not clear cause it changes all the time.. i have to start paying the 150 dollar bill for that monthly by the 28th or so.

so, flight funds, storage container funds, uber funds. i think is what i’m trying to get handled asap. and then from there it’s funds for food until i get back on ebt and something to hold me over until i’m able to get back on my old insurance, and until i get a job (even if it’s shitty like 7-11) hopefully by that coming month.

and my friend is going to be helping me out with getting back on my insurance and job and housing hunting.

i looked on facebook housing groups to see the general cost of a deposit on a room, and then the rent for first and last, utilities, and got a ballpark estimate from all of that for when i find a place, and then also if it falls through and i have to do this again.

security for if i have chronic illness flare ups to go to urgent care and pay the co-pays for the visits and meds is pretty crucial because i don’t want that to be something in the way of me getting treated for a bad flare up or something.

i think after that it’s general necessities like the transit card monthly fee, paying for shipping items that i���m not able to fly with to portland, the cost of paying the storage container that u can’t access for however, and then the cost of getting a self-storage container, getting them to ship the items over to the self-storage place, moving it in, and paying the monthly fee for the self-storage place until i find a place i’m living.

i need to feel confident enough in being able to land on my feet and not fall down again while i’m trying to get stable, because i know i can do it, it’s just so much fucking work.

mentally i’m thinking about this and physically i am playing mario kart to stop myself from freaking out at 10:17 pm

asking for the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things i can, and the wisdom to know the difference rn for realsies

[forgottenluck]

So, life update here.

I know i've posted a few of these recently, but life's kind of got me in a choke hold at the moment and I've had little time nor energy to be on tumblr.

Because lets face it, tumblr is very energy consuming. There's always some sort of drama going on in some corner, or the devs have decided to push another update....something's always going on, and it takes quite a bit of energy to push through and get things done.

That being said, things....are calming down for me a bit. (medical stuff under cut, as well as the rest of what i want to say.)

Mom has finally stabilized enough to where she's out of the ICU. The doctors still refuse to tell me how bad of a stroke she had, but from what I can see? It was pretty bad. She can barely talk, barely lift her hands. She has to have assistance for the most part eating. (not swallowing though, she's got a hell of a swallow reflex which is good.) Her memory is absolutely shot. I've come up to visit her every day i'm off, and she still asks me when she's going home. She doesn't remember me coming any other time.

As bad as it sounds, I'm glad this happened when it did. It puts further emphasis on the fact that I cannot take care of her by myself, which makes it more likely that insurance will pay for her to stay at a nursing facility. I'm not saying that I don't appreciate her, that i'm glad she's in the hospital....because I love her to death and want her to stay around for as long as she can. But I have reached the end of what I can do for her, had for a long time now...but was lieing to myself. I was destroying myself to care for her.

With her stabalizing, i've found myself with a bit more free time. Mosst of this right now is being spent unpacking and organizing. My whole life is in boxes and totes and it's....hard. A little bit every day. I finally have a desk set up and a few of my shelves for books up. my dresser is in the right place....I've got some more things to move out of the living room, but things are slowly coming together. Me and my roommate are getting together and buying the things we know we're going to need.

I've had to replace almost all my bedding, replace all the cookware...I've washed my clothes at least 5 times. it's been hard, and rough.

The other thing i'm trying to focus on is my...personal health. I'm trying to find a skin care routine for myself. Hair care. Body care. I've joined PlanetFitness to try and loose some weight. (i'm only 5'2" and almost 180lbs. i'm afraid if i don't start now, i'll hit that 200 mark) I've never really been able to actually care for myself, always been focused on mom, and her care that i've exhausted myself on my own.

I think the thing that will be the hardest to overcome....is the fact that I don't actually have to care for her anymore. I don't have to have her in the back of my mind; i can't stay out later than a couple of hours, I have to get home to get her food, i can't do anything without asking her first.....all of that doesn't exist anymore. I can stay out as long as I want. I only have to worry about myself for food and groceries. I don't have to ask anyone if i can even leave the house/apartment. It hit me today while me and my roommate were out at PlanetFitness, just how free I was.

And just how sad it was that I was just now getting to be free. I'm going to be 31 in september.....and all my life pretty much has been spent careing for her. My formative years? High school, college? All focused on her. I'm only just now experiencing what a fresh college student gets to experience once they leave home.

There's a lot that i have to figure out.....with myself, with my life. Where I'm going from this point. But one thing I know, is that i'm not leaving tumblr any time soon. While it may take me some time, and I may only have muse for specific things, specific people.....i'm not going anywhere.

Tumblr has gotten me through the roughest parts of my life. There's no way i'm abandoning it any time soon. I just...might take some time to cycle back around and get back to work. I just want to give updates on what's going on. Not many people may care, but someone might. And maybe, someone is going through something similar. A rough patch, a hard time. Might feel like the world is crashing down around them.

Take it from me; it gets better. It takes time. And sometimes, life just decides to hit you all at once. But it does get better. It took 15 years for it to get better for me. But it is getting better. Slowly, painstakingly slowly....but still, just a bit. Every day.

[weekendswithnewtmas]

Things have been chaotic.

It's been a while since i've posted anything personal on here but i am going through it.

Life has been stressful, crazy, chaotic and sad. It's been one thing after another and i don't know what else to do.

I got demoted at my job. I've been there ten years, we got a new owner last year and it has been fine up until recently. I am a loyal and hard worker but this job is draining me. I've been sick with strep, covid, had to have dental surgery and other health issues I haven't been seen or diagnosed for yet. My roomates up and dipped so i had to move back in with my parents and it is crowded as hell, and the house is falling apart. Life has been throwing shit at me and I am at my wits end.

I am also currently in a long distance relationship. He is the most wonderful, caring, funny and supportive person and he treats me right and i adore him. We are trying to figure out how to get me from the USA to Canada but it's a process. The information we've found isnt the best as far as figuring out what our actual options are. We've been trying to find someone that has gone through the vise/permanent resident process so we an see what they did and would recommend but no luck yet.

Along with my job demotion, i will be receiving a pay dock. Which i honestly cannot afford. I have bills to pay, credit cards to pay off and I am trying to save up so that I can move. I've been putting in job applications for the past two weeks but nothing has come of it yet. It's like places say they're hiring but no matter your availability or previous work background it doesn't matter, and they aren't actually hiring. It's weird. I've cut out all unecessary spending and am only paying for bills/insurance and food to eat and I am still financially struggling.

I'm trying to remain positive and hoping something will come out of it and i will get some good news soon but it's harder by the day. I'm constantly sad, stressed and anxious. I don't know what else to do.

If yall could send me all the good vibes. Or have any job ideas or recommendations. I've worked fast food and customer service for almost 11 years. I've done childcare and babysitting. House cleaning. I have a car and a license so i am able to drive to and from work etc. I'm willing to try pretty much anything. I am willing to learn new skills. I'm a quick learner once i know what to do.

also if anyone on here sees this, and knows anyone that has moved from the USA to Canada, through a work visa, or getting a job offer over there and then applying for a work visa or through express entry, or anything at all please please i would love to talk to them and ask some questions.

I know the chances of people actually reading this are small, but if you do, if you wouldn't mind sharing it, i would very much appreciate it.

If by some miracle anyone is able or would be willing to donate any extra funds at all, it would all be going to good use. It would be going to help my pay my bills, car insurance, health insurance and life needs.

my paypal is - paypal.me/kaptainkaffy

[kyetalksshit]

I'm actually so weirded out but struggling to figure out if this is an opportunity for me??

I've been so tuned in with my spirit team lately and was trying to get my car situation settled without a gap in having a car. I need to renew my license but in nc because it's a California license, and then get a new car from a dealership across the street from my job. I was then gonna let my car loan company repo their car. It was supposed to be nice and smooth right?

Well on Tuesday night I went to go visit my friend Jen for the first time in months, at her new apartment in high point. We did some INTENSE spellwork and I called in some favors, including the car situation.

And then on Wednesday, we left the apartment at 330pm so I could take her to work and head home (and renew my license the NEXT DAY on Thursday), but my car was just Gone.

It was a mess - I was simultaneously having a panic attack and feeling a bubble of calm in my gut. I was flabbergasted at the timing - right after successful spellwork (we checked in on the energies and everything went great so???) and the ONE DAY I was almost 3 hours from home. 😭 I thought it was stolen at first, filed a report, etc but found out on Thursday it was repossessed. How they found me I'm not sure, the insurance lady said sometimes they'll contract out tow trucks to just drive around and pick up whatever cars they can find on their roster so it may have been that. But again such crazy timing.

My friend Remi came and picked me up which almost made me cry lol and we ate at Jen's bar before heading home.

Anyway, I wasn't able to get my license renewed on Thursday because I couldn't get there until like 130pm after all the phone calls and stuff, and the dmv had no availability. So I'm going to go on Monday morning before work and pray to my gods that it works out.

I also asked for money, for my taxes to come back early so I don't have to wait until next Friday (my next paycheck), and straight up 10 minutes later it showed up in my bank account. My friend sent me $100 completely unprompted????? I cashed out $25 from a site that usually takes the full 5 business days and it was in my account in 30 minutes????

So as long as I get my license on Monday (because it's illegal to drive on an expired license and also I assumed you needed a VALID license to buy a car), the plan is to drive straight to the car lot across from work and pick up a car. There are a few there for $500 down and they don't check credit and repos are ok so it will work out. I've also heard good things about that place from the people at my job who have gotten cars with them.

But now my roommate?? Who is a used car dealer (with admittedly mixed reviews on Facebook marketplace at least) is so?? Frantic to help me??? He wants to find a car at an auction for like 2K for me, take the 500 down, and charge me 100 a week until it's paid off. And he keeps saying "you live with me, I'm not gonna sell you a car that doesn't run".

And I'm just so confused and conflicted because like. My team WOULD do something like this lmao but at the same time I cannot stand him??? He's a terrible roommate and keeps the place so disgusting that I bought a mini fridge and microwave so my "kitchen" is entirely in my room. I only go downstairs (where he is 24/7) to take my dog outside or to leave the house. He's loud, he's messy, he complains about tufts of my dog's hair building up over the course of a week but leaves literal garbage all over the floor and has been sleeping in the living room even though he has a bedroom with a whole bed?? I've slung some evil eye his way (mostly not on purpose but he's pissed me off countless times in just the 2 months I've been here, and the only times I've slung any on purpose it was to get him to take his company outside or to be quiet) and want to move out as soon as my car situation is settled. But also he doesn't want to charge me interest because apparently it's against his religion?? So it would be paid off in like 3 months-ish and then I wouldn't have to worry about a repo again? And it IS weirdly serendipitous that he owns a car dealership.

The problem is that my personal issues with him and disdain for seeing him at all means that I'd rather not have any ties to him and I immediately was like fuck no. But on the other hand it WOULD be a good deal honestly as long as the car was actually decent. So idfk man.

Time for divination I guess? I told him I need to talk to my parents about it but I've been soured against my parents for the moment tbh lol so what I really meant was "let me talk to my gods (two of who DO assume parental roles hahaha so ig it's not that far off) and my friends and my tarot cards" lol

[borderline-gays-club]

It’s officially been over a year since I tried to get help for my BPD thru the medical system.

I tried to do an inpatient program that was 5 days a week for like 3 hours a day or something. And it took me like 4-5 months to even get in bc bitches weren’t picking up the phone or unresponsive. And after months of perseverance I finally got in and I was so excited to start.

But ofc it was a hot mess bc any mental care thru my insurance is hot garbage. Had I stayed longer I prob wudve been more fucked up tbh. I was only there for like 3 weeks max lol.

Like they literally wud treat u like ur a threat the moment u walk in. Also cold as hell. Clinical, not human to human. And straight up was like ya btw we work very closely with the police just so you know <3. Like just that comment Made me want to fight this bitch lmao. And one of the therapists literally said “that’s hot” when one of the patients disclosed with him that she thinks she’s a lesbian…like is this even real.

Ugh there was so much more fucked up shit (too much to write rn) but I left as soon as I realized how bad it was. And I thought oh Mayb I’m just giving up, Mayb it’s part of the process blah blah. But like there were too many concrete fuckery things going on I couldn’t stay.

That whole experience was so infuriatingly frustrating but honestly that was the last thing to finally seal in my head that this system cannot help me. I’ve tried so much in a decade and ultimately was only able to get help through alternative ways. Like my therapist doesn’t even take insurance and I hav to pay out of pocket but it’s worth it for sure.

So as awful as it all was I’m glad it happened bc now I kno for a FACT that this medical system is simply not here to help me and many many others. In fact they want us all dead.

Anyway I feel like this is why ppl w/BPD have such high suicide rates . Bc I kno compared to NPD or ASPD ppl w/BPD tend to actually seek help on their own. But the system is literally so hostile and there’s only so many tries in you especially when you’re already down.

But u kno what, I remember feeling so hopeless after that shit didn’t work out but over this past year I can confidently say that I’m better than ever. I still have years and years of work to do to ultimately get into remission but I feel hopeful. I think when all ur expectations just fully crumble, u have to be creative in order to move on after that initial shock. And finding ur own solutions can be empowering in its own ways.

And just to b clear I’m not promoting fixing urself alone without any help ever. But I’m more so saying that the medical system does not have the tools to support us and in fact they are actively harming us.

Mayb this is more of a warning rant. Everyone stay safe. Even tho it’s hard to trust ur own emotions and thoughts, find ways to vet ppl out that are mental health professionals. Bc there’s a lot of scummy bitches out there..

And in case anyone reading this is in nyc. DO NOT GO TO CITPD. HIGHLY DO NOT RECOMMEND!!!!

K that’s all folks lol nite

[maher-law-firm]

Do you know how to fight a traffic ticket in Columbus Ohio?

We’ve all been there.

We know we weren’t speeding. We did signal when changing lanes. We have never run a stop sign in our lives, and we didn’t this time either.

Or maybe we cannot take the hit to our driving record and expect to keep our job. The penalty points would put us at risk for having our driver’s license suspended. A ticket would raise our insurance rates to the point where we would need to cut other essentials from our budget.

A driver’s reason for fighting a traffic ticket issued in or around Columbus varies, but the process is pretty standard. Based on my experience advising and representing Ohio drivers, I describe the three essential steps below.

Reckless driving, which Ohio state law labels reckless operation, and driving under the influence of alcohol or drugs are treated somewhat like criminal offenses.

Drivers charged with reckless operation or of operating a vehicle while intoxicated do not have the option of simply signing a ticket and paying fines in lieu of going to court. Spending time in jail and having one’s license suspended are always possibilities for quasi criminal convictions related to driving, and a vigorous defense must be had. How to Fight a Speeding Ticket in Ohio and Get Benefits

Having clarified that, let’s get to the explanation of how to fight a traffic ticket in Columbus.

Request a Hearing As noted above, drivers who are issued a traffic ticket in central Ohio have the choice of signing and returning the ticket with all the payments due. The large majority of ticketed drivers do this.

The other option is to appear for the court date listed on the ticket or check the box to request a hearing on the charge. Since a single ticket can list more than one alleged moving or equipment violation, a driver may be able to pay the penalties on some of the charges while requesting a hearing on the others.

Missing the deadline to either pay the ticket, appear in court on the date indicated, or request a hearing can result in the court issuing warrant. A person who has a this kind of “bench warrant” could be arrested and brought before a judge whenever they interact with a law enforcement official.

Consult an Attorney Drivers can represent themselves in traffic court, and many do. It always helps, however, to consult with a Columbus traffic ticket lawyer before going to court.

Even if you do not hire them, the attorney can fully explain the charge, offer perspective on why the ticket was issued, and suggest ways to collect, organize, and present evidence for having the ticket dismissed. I always suggest hiring a traffic ticket lawyer to give you a knowledgeable and experienced legal advocate in court.

Keep Your Court Date Your traffic court hearing will usually be scheduled quite quickly. Do not miss your appearance. Additional fees and penalties can be assessed as well as the warrant mentioned above.

Another reason to show up for court is that the police officer who issued the ticket also has to appear for trial (the officer does not need to attend your initial appearance called an “arraignment”). If the officer misses the trial date, the judge may dismiss your case for lack of evidence. That is not guaranteed to happen, but it is a strong possibility for minor traffic offenses. How to Get Traffic Ticket Dismissed

Should a circumstance arise that keeps you from making your court date, call the clerk of courts as soon as possible to explain your situation. Courts may accept valid reasons for rescheduling an initial hearing, but you must ask for the new date. This content has been taken from - https://www.columbusdefensefirm.com/how-to-fight-traffic-ticket-in-columbus-oh/

[elliebear666]

I talked to my friend for a good long while. Tbh, she talked a lot so I didn't get most of it lol but it wasn't as hard as it was with my ex, so maybe that medication is helping.

Specifically, we talked about, well a lot, but we got on the topic of working and how I get disability because of my mental illnesses.

And she was like, "People have this perception that people on disability 'don't want to work' and I think that's absolute bullshit. Every single person on disability that I know wanted to work, but either couldn't find accommodating work or would lose their insurance that covers meds, etc."

And she's absolutely right. I cannot work full time because I will lose my insurance. If I don't have my insurance, I can't have my meds, and I will quickly spiral into another three year long bender of instability and manic and depressive episodes, which will in turn exacerbate BPD symptoms, and all my other problems... and I might not survive that next one. I'm lucky to be alive right now.

So, yeah, I'm terrified of losing my insurance and losing access to not only my psych meds for bipolar and anxiety + ADHD, but also my fucking hormones. Like... I can only work part time at MOST if I want to keep my insurance. And, to be completely honest? I don't think I could work, potentially ever, work a FULL TIME job again.

The stress would inevitably send me over the edge into a manic or depressive episode, my BPD symptoms would become loud again, I'd be cutting and burning myself at work, looking for places to kill myself.

Like, no Don, you stupid piece of shit. I don't feel "entitled" to not work lmao. I genuinely cannot maintain full time employment. I will very soon get back out there and get a part time job, but I will need a job that can accommodate my disorders... like, what I've I have a depressive episodes mid week and I become so depressed I can barely move or get out of bed? Like, that used to be my reality, y'all. I was... such a fucking mess.

I WANT to be able to hold down a job. You people think I fucking like living like this? You think I am choosing to fucking... pass my time as best I can as I tick closer to death because I'm terrified of my mental illness getting worse? I'm fucking terrified of things getting worse. Absolutely terrified.

If you have ever known someone with bipolar or another SEVERE mental illness, or personality disorder, then you know it isn't a choice. Like... I've had people tell me I'm "lucky" I "don't have to work." I've had people say I'm a piece of shit for not working.

Like... I don't want to live this... ffs, I don't want to live this way. I just try not to think about it tbh. Idk what to do. I'll get back out there... but I'm just terrified. Fml. Idek.

[blazestar345]

CW: Transphobia and discussion about the current anti-trans laws in the US

I'm really scared. As a recently out trans person, who also has multiple disabilities of various kinds living in the US, I feel like I'm being cornered. I'm seeing all these laws going into place trying to eliminate people like me from public life and I don't feel like I have anywhere to run because as soon as I move from the state I live in my health insurance is gone. That means all treatment I'm getting to help with my chronic health problems will now cost money that I cannot afford and won't be able to afford for quite a long time. On top of that if I leave I'm also leaving behind everyone I love. I feel trapped in a genocidal nation with nowhere to flee to.

[colby-k]

Being This Frustrated

Lately, I have been dealing with a lot of stressors, major stressors.

I am trying to move into a new place at the beginning of the year. But I don't have any money to do so. I'm expected to pay the first and last months' rent as well as a deposit. In total, this equals $2,000. I don't have 2 grand.

I want to ask someone for help, but I know I can only ask certain people. But, I don't know who to ask.

I know I will eventually get the money, but it's so overwhelming right now. Everyone has been asking me all kinds of questions about it, too. It's as if they are the ones moving into the house, not me. It's so stupid. But whatever.

Another big stressor is school. I know I passed because I even got a confirmation email from my university. I am so proud of myself, yet I am depressed about it. Now what?

This January will be the first January since I was 5 that I haven't attended school. That's crazy to me. I'm also going to be getting my diploma soon. This shit is getting real. I don't know how well I can handle all of it.

I've been struggling with how to understand that everything will get better; it just takes time. But, time is the most difficult factor. When I need something, I truly need it. I'm not one to ask people for help on things. In my head, if I can figure out a way to do it myself, then I will. I don't like bothering people, and when I ask, it makes me feel as if I'm bothering them.

Coming to terms with the understanding that time takes time and that I'm allowed to ask for help is proving to be difficult. This is also another thing that frustrates me because I cannot control time and almost anyone won't be bothered if I ask them for something. It makes sense right?

I've had some struggles with some of the people I'm close with, too. One person is the curious type that asks a lot of questions about everything. It can get quite annoying at times, and it's frustrating because it feels like I'm being interviewed or interrogated. It makes me anxious and uneasy.

For example, I was telling this person about the new place I want to move into. I think they asked me about 20 questions after every single thing I'd say. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to tell them about the place because it's a very exciting thing for me, but it is exhausting answering all those questions when you just told them one thing. I said everything in the most detail I could. It just wasn't enough. It was just so frustrating, I wanted to walk away and hide in my room.

One of my other big stressors right now is my car. Unfortunately, and this makes me so angry, I cannot drive right now because of my fucking seizures. State law says I cannot drive for 3 months after I have a seizure. Basically, my car is going to be sitting on the street until March (as of right now).

However, it is in the shop right now because I got into a rear-end accident a few months ago. It's close to being finished, though, so that's good. Since I don't have any money, I can't pay my car loan and insurance. Once it's done and out of the shop, I'm going to sell it. Why keep a car if I can't even drive?

It is so frustrating that I can't drive. It means that I have to rely on people to drive me to places. It is so hard to ask them because my anxiety goes through the roof when I need to. But, I've been learning from my therapist and my aunt about skills that can help me redirect that energy elsewhere and use it to my advantage.

Using frustration to my advantage is difficult. I want to put that energy elsewhere. I want to be able to let it go and understand that time is a huge factor in things and that I will be rewarded one day for my hard work. I'm trying, and I think I'm starting to succeed.

I don't want to be this frustrated anymore. It's a constant feeling and I'm starting to accidentally take it out on the people I love. I don't want to do that. They don't deserve it. Being this frustrated all the time makes me feel wrong and just not myself.

[skarletterambles]

After my hours at work were slashed due to my prolonged absence with Covid (which is itself a shitty thing), I got on a state health care assistance program. It covered pretty much everything, or had a miniscule (<$5) copay. It was wonderful. For the first time since I aged off my parents' insurance, I didn't have to worry about a single injury or illness wiping out my bank account.

When I had emergency surgery followed by like five days in the hospital last summer, I never saw a bill. It was just taken care of, and I could concentrate on healing instead of panicking about the cost. I felt so blessed.

Urgent care clinic visits? Paid for.

Emergency room visits? Paid for.

My every-other-week visits to my therapist? Paid for.

My GP wants more blood work to see how new meds are working? Paid for.

Need to see a specialist for a consult? Paid for.

It was a Godsend. I could actually get the care I needed, when I needed it, without considering the cost. After the missed work and health care bills from Covid drained my bank account to the lowest point it had been since I got my first job in 2001, that was a huge load off my mind.

I had to fight tooth and nail for months to get my hours back at work, to the point where lawyers were about to get involved. Long story. But I finally got back to where I was before Covid, working 19 hours a week. Great!

Except it wasn't great, because it put me back over the amount I can earn and remain on the state assistance program. I got the letter today saying my coverage will stop July 1st.

I'm devastated. I'm livid. I feel like I literally cannot afford to live.

I'm already living with my parents (who are aging and have their own health problems) and with the economy and inflation the way they are (and the housing situation here being what it is) there's no hope of having my own place anytime soon--even without this health care mess!

For a variety of health reasons I am not able to work full time. The part time job I do have is my career, my passion, the place I belong, and where I have worked for over twenty years.

God have mercy on me and any other person who cannot afford to exist in this time and place. It's a travesty that in 2024, with the amazing medical technology that exists, a single adult with a regular job cannot afford to access it.

Yes, I'll go on the Healthcare Marketplace and look for a plan that I can afford that gives me somewhat of a buffer between a medical crisis and bankruptcy. But that's all it is. A speedbump on the road to financial ruin.

I don't expect to get everything for free, although it was amazing while it lasted. But there's really no middle ground between "Oh gosh, you're so poor we won't charge you anything" and "Haha, you need an MRI scan, blood work, I.V. medication, an emergency room visit, and almost a week in the hospital? Hand over your life's savings, sucker."

It's just one more symptom of the rot at the heart of modern America. It's all about making the 1% richer, and screw the rest of us. I don't want a yacht, a private jet, or an overseas vacation home. I just want to live a normal, modest existence in which I can work for a living and thus afford basic dignities. Health care should be a human right, not a luxury.

I'd say "eat the rich" but they're so full of fat, drugs, and bullshit that we'd just get sick and need to visit a hospital, defeating the purpose.

It's times like this I really wish I had the resources to move to a place that has a proper health care system, less bigotry, and less gun violence. Somewhere where "all human beings deserve a roof over their head and medical care, regardless of their religion, ethnicity, sexuality, gender identity, health, addictions, neurodivergence, employment, skin color, and political leanings" isn't an explosively controversial statement. Somewhere where billionaires and trillionaires don't exist and megacorporations aren't killing the planet.

Maybe Norway. My great-grandfather was born there. I've never been there and don't speak the language but I'd figure something out. (Kidding...mostly.)

I hate the American health care system. I hate the American health care system. I hate the American health care system. I hate the American health care system. I hate the American health care system. I hate the American health care system. I hate the American health care system. I hate the American health care system. I hate the American health care system. I hate the American health care system. I hate the American health care system. I hate the American health care system.

I hate the American health care system.

I hate the American health care system.

I hate the American health care system.