#citpd

[borderline-gays-club]

It’s officially been over a year since I tried to get help for my BPD thru the medical system.

I tried to do an inpatient program that was 5 days a week for like 3 hours a day or something. And it took me like 4-5 months to even get in bc bitches weren’t picking up the phone or unresponsive. And after months of perseverance I finally got in and I was so excited to start.

But ofc it was a hot mess bc any mental care thru my insurance is hot garbage. Had I stayed longer I prob wudve been more fucked up tbh. I was only there for like 3 weeks max lol.

Like they literally wud treat u like ur a threat the moment u walk in. Also cold as hell. Clinical, not human to human. And straight up was like ya btw we work very closely with the police just so you know <3. Like just that comment Made me want to fight this bitch lmao. And one of the therapists literally said “that’s hot” when one of the patients disclosed with him that she thinks she’s a lesbian…like is this even real.

Ugh there was so much more fucked up shit (too much to write rn) but I left as soon as I realized how bad it was. And I thought oh Mayb I’m just giving up, Mayb it’s part of the process blah blah. But like there were too many concrete fuckery things going on I couldn’t stay.

That whole experience was so infuriatingly frustrating but honestly that was the last thing to finally seal in my head that this system cannot help me. I’ve tried so much in a decade and ultimately was only able to get help through alternative ways. Like my therapist doesn’t even take insurance and I hav to pay out of pocket but it’s worth it for sure.

So as awful as it all was I’m glad it happened bc now I kno for a FACT that this medical system is simply not here to help me and many many others. In fact they want us all dead.

Anyway I feel like this is why ppl w/BPD have such high suicide rates . Bc I kno compared to NPD or ASPD ppl w/BPD tend to actually seek help on their own. But the system is literally so hostile and there’s only so many tries in you especially when you’re already down.

But u kno what, I remember feeling so hopeless after that shit didn’t work out but over this past year I can confidently say that I’m better than ever. I still have years and years of work to do to ultimately get into remission but I feel hopeful. I think when all ur expectations just fully crumble, u have to be creative in order to move on after that initial shock. And finding ur own solutions can be empowering in its own ways.

And just to b clear I’m not promoting fixing urself alone without any help ever. But I’m more so saying that the medical system does not have the tools to support us and in fact they are actively harming us.

Mayb this is more of a warning rant. Everyone stay safe. Even tho it’s hard to trust ur own emotions and thoughts, find ways to vet ppl out that are mental health professionals. Bc there’s a lot of scummy bitches out there..

And in case anyone reading this is in nyc. DO NOT GO TO CITPD. HIGHLY DO NOT RECOMMEND!!!!

K that’s all folks lol nite

[septembr9]

All I wanna hear is citpd

[borderlineteacher]

What’s CITPD?

The Center for Intensive Treatment of Personality Disorders.

[onthemo0on-blog]

“I Know You have Your Disorder But, This is your personality and how you CHOOSE to be...”

...I just have to accept this as you.

That’s what he said. With such disdain. He doesn't get that I DON'T choose to be this way and I don't want to be this way.  He totally invalidated my treatment and all progress I thought I made. 

[bpdbaby]

Dv

That awkward moment when friends swap stories about family, friends,or relationships and I sit their just trying to smile remembering all the shit my loved ones have done and me thinking it was normal.

[borderlineteacher]

Does anyone have any experience with CITPD at St. Luke’s Roosevelt hospital in NYC?

Please let me know.

[bpdbaby]

Priorities

My to-do list is a nightmare. Color coding, daily agendas, upgrading my technology, tracking my eating and sleeping habits, going to doctors, and still have the time to fucking build a new life for myself. Working out this shit is intense. It's my 22 time around.

[bpdbaby]

Mentalization

New concept to those with as many personality disorders as they are years old.