#I cannot be the only one someone help
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Does anyone else think this is the prettiest man alive or just me
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#celebs#star wars#adam driver#please someone agree#my friends keep making fun of me because they don’t see it#I cannot be the only one someone help
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don't wanna derail the post I saw this discussion on- it was all in the notes anyway, so it certainly isn't op's problem. I'm gonna say this with so much love:
Calling somebody a 'theyfab' is not punching up. If someone's being transmisogynistic, say that, or call them a bigot. Naming the tangible harm done to you will always be the most effective thing to do.
The cis people who created that term made it with the explicit intent to mock and insult people's identities. No matter what you mean when you say it, this is its origin and to most people, its only meaning. It describes nothing about the discrimination you face.
People afab are marginalized, especially if they're queer. You cannot "punch up" on a fellow oppressed group. I understand the specific vitriol that they inflict on you hurts.
You don't need a word to call somebody, you need and deserve adequate justice for the tangible harm done to you; and my heart aches that nobody queer- especially trans women- ever seems to receive that.
I'm aware I can't make anybody do anything, so I'm not gonna try to tell you not to use that word. I just want to say it can't ever address, undo, or heal any harm done to you. It can only redirect it.
#da#the og post was about transmisogyny and transfeminism and that was an important discussion I did not wanna elbow into#I'm addressing the people in the notes who were saying they 'NEED' this word in order to 'punch up' to their oppressors#I do feel for every trans woman and transfem having to exist on the internet rn. everyone's being awful to you all from every side#Dearly sorry that fellow afab people are making all your lives such hell#just also know that nothing about the word theyfab describes a bigot. nothing about it explains what harm was done to you.#it serves solely to mock an aspect of someone's identity. because hateful cis people created it to do that#you don't 'need' a targeted insult to use against someone directing hatred towards you.#cannot stress enough that the only group who can reclaim a harmful term is the one it's used against#i completely understand afab people can be particularly awful with their transmisogyny#calling them a theyfab will not help anything. I know. I'm sorry. you're hurt and it sucks. name calling cannot change that
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They're soulmates in every single universe and I miss them at the most random times.
#my characters#haha funny thing is that venus doesnt even exist in base plot she is ONLY for AUs#in base plot ego the ginger guy is a prince and serenity the navy haired guy is an energy alien#and serenity takes on the form of a human to be fake engaged to ego and its never meant to actually end up with them married#but serenity falls in love with the prince and feels immense guilt when they meet up#and then ego is like HAHA YEAH my life is the greatest cause i get to marry my best friend but technically youre best friend by default#since i have zero other friends because i cannot leave the castle which kinda sucks but whatever#and serenity can give his life force to others to keep them healthy and usually stops by to heal egos younger brother#so he looks tired a lot bc he is depleting his own life to help others#and and in au versions hes just chronically tired and very much in love with ego who is completely oblivious#and half the time they (bc theyre mine) are pining mutually thinking ahaha theres no WAY hed like me#or in egos case a lot of the time in the au its what if he only likes me cause i spoil him rotten bc im super wealthy and i love gifting#and serenity ! in base plot since he is an alien from like... space.... basically... another realm#he resides with another royal family in a different kingdom and the king there treats him like a son#which plays into the au versions where serenity is adopted and he just really loves his dad a lot#like really admires the man who adopted him and raised him as a single father who almost always has a connection to egos dad since#in base theyre just two kings being buddies and trying to get good relations between their kingdoms#but anyway ego is one of the few ocs i have that will actively say#I LOVE YOU SO MUCH : D very openly and i love that for him??#not a lot of my ocs will be that open about their feelings but ego is very good at communication and talking and stuff#compared to serenity who is an alien who doesnt even have to talk where he originated bc the aliens are just blue energy blobs#and they sense each other and communicate silently#so making him take a human form is like MMMM not sure how to interact like a normal human tbh#i owe art to one person then i am able to get back to indulgent stuff for me and reqs and stuff#this was just so i had something to post today since idk if the art i owe someone will be cool to post or not
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uhhhjjhjhhhhhhhh suck my titty. how abt that man
#i cannot help someone lacking all intellect. sorry#i can def bring up the holes in your judgement slash where you're a hypocrite but you are only here to be a cunt. lets be real#what i draw is no dirtier than murder#and it all belongs to me. it is my trauma and that's all there is to it#i'm gonna finally block you off on straw as well#but feel free to dm if you ever finish quivering and sweating and crying and moaning behind your screen#kiss kiss#straw#fux talks#proship#<- obligatory#edit: being genuinely heated over fiction to cope & continuously consuming my content despite ur apparent opposition is just insane.#are we sure i'm the one that's sick in the head brother.
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what if, and this is a crazy idea lmao, but what if we DIDN'T judge people for their reactions to the election results??? like you absolutely DON'T KNOW why people are saying they want to die on the internet bc you do not know them, and to assume it's bc they're stupid and don't care about their community rather than bc they're literally fucking terrified of what's going to happen to all of us is actually fucking ridiculous
#i'm so so so sick of you people saying you care about the mental health of others and then say shit like this#i'm also so sick of people acting like everyone can just get up and go out and do the shit you can do#i literally cannot bc i'm FUCKING DISABLED and i KNOW i'm not the only fucking one#and even then let's not assume that just bc someone is feeling that way that they're NOT helping in the community#txt
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so with echoes of wisdom .. i havent watched any of the trailers beyond the very first one and the thumbnails/screenshots and what others have said about it-
but with the world inside the rift being called "Welt des Nichts" aka "world of nothing/void" in german ('still' in english, for some reason) and demises title in french being "avatar of nothing" ... yeah my anxiety is shooting through the roof again
(hopefully you can be a little more forgiving for me being anxious/weird about it bc demise is my blorbo)
i had similar worries with totk, that werent proven true thankfully, but the darn book is making it all worse again with all those weird lore things the game doesnt even so much as hint at AND potential retcons- im in for a really rough time huh, not just stress in real life (more in tags.. its alot) but now about my specific hyperfixation from two things even (AND artblock still..)
weird as it may sound, i dont want demise to get more lore, partly bc i dont believe theyd do anything with him that i would like (given their track record) but much more importantly- the fact that he has this little lore about him is precisely one of the reasons why i fell in love with him, i tend to like characters that are neglected by the narrative, and his story being both so flat and already done meant i can be very creative with what i come up with for him without necessarily contradicting anything in canon (which is ... or was a big point of how i wrote destiny's story and lore, working with canon in a way that reframes it all without straight up ignoring it ... but i suppose i urgently need to let go of that and accept i spend alot of time working things that will go to waste :( ) AND not having to worry that there will be more stuff with him that would massively change not only what im writing but also potentially how i feel about him since the game he was briefly in was the oldest chronologically and ended with his death- i didnt expect them to mess with anything that far back and thought theyd just go forward and leave the timeline behind and wouldnt mess with it again, given how botw seemed to be a sort of 'fresh start' that seemingly regarded the past as the past that needs to rest and that the timeline was finally no longer a discussion if everythings unified through botw and one thing going forward
but i suppose i was very wrong with that .__.
right now the only thing that motivates me still is the left over determination and spite to work on my zelda comic, since i have never gotten this far and really want to get something done for once, but i cant lie that im feeling like i should pause all work on it too to wait and see waht the book and the new game will do .. either to determine if i still have the will to keep working on it after those things are out (my love for tloz has been taking alot of hits lately ..) or if i have to change stuff (mostly bc of my lore problem trying to not ignore it ..)
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#ganondoodles rants#sorta#suicide attempt mention in the IRL stuff im talking about in the following tags btw#theres some construction stuff on our house going on#and my father is extremely stressed about it#he used to be very explosive- being silent and then exploding out of nowhere .. probably left me with lasting damage yippie-#but now he much more lets it eat at himself bc hes old and feels bad for the past stuff so now it makes him irritated and depressed#my older brother is the most normal cis straight guy you can imagine and incredibly impatient and bossy (you CANNOT talk with him)#(brother doesnt live in our house)#and while hes helping out hes doing it exactly how my father doesnt like and since you cant talk to the guy (explosive +200) it stresses hi#to the point of my father yesterday saying that “it would have been better if i had just died back in the day”#likely referring to the time when he was drafted for the military against his will and tried to kill himself#which i learned only like .. a year ago- theres so little my parents tell me ....#its like my mother telling me- while my father was in hospital for heart surgery- that she not only almost died back when i was a young tee#and only survived bc of some incredibly unebelievable lucky coincidences (medics on a travel being there that knew what she had-#-while our local doctors said welp- nothing we can do lady AND them beign there with a helicopter and emergency transferring her#to antoher bigger hospital while giving her immediate treatment our local one didnt do- AND at the big one just so happened to have-#-an expert on that illness in the facility when she arrived who was able to narrrowly save her life#BUT ALSO while she was recovering and weak and frail as a dust bunny witnessing someone stealing hospital surplies-#not noticing she was in the room at first (which .. the nurses left her in the nurse room while going on break ... which uhm .. yeah cool)#and if my mother hadnt acted in time like she was fully asleep and the lady stealing stuff beign in hurry- she might have killed her#without my mother being able to fight back bc she could barely even talk (the nurses didnt want to believe her when they got back either)#ANYWAY that comment from my father brough me to tears#and my mom is trying out more ... other medication shes not prescribed in hopes of it helping agaisnt her many pains#but i worry it will interact with the other stuff shes on ...#and i worry so much about both of their mental and physical well being#always trying to be the one to calm them down or help with communication bc that is a big problem in this houesehold#but i myself am also a very much not normal and not medicated shut in who has trouble dealing even with my own feelings
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I am endlessly amused at deplorable Trump supporters who feign outrage when they’re called deplorable, and the garbage ass Trump supporters who get fake upset about being called garbage. They call everyone else all kinds of insulting names, but they suddenly become delicate little snowflakes when someone calls them out by their rightful names. Somewhere deep down inside they must know they’re all deplorable pieces of garbage.
#politics#republicans#trump supporters#somebody help me#i volunteer some of my time to a professional organization that helps humanitarian organizations#and an old conservative white dude there is truly testing my civility#there was a absolutely *gorgeous* girl there#and he goes: yeah shes pretty but shes probably a lib#so id just pump her and dump her#and im like#sir - that young girl wouldnt give your old republican ass the time of day#god help me#i cannot remember ever being this close to telling someone off in a *professional* setting#hes ex military (me too so whatever i guess) but#as a newbie hes only got so many more times to tell everyone how things need to be done at an org he has only recently joined#he is thee definition of a white man who has never been told to stfu#im really trying not to be the one who tells him off#woosahhh
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y’all headcanoning poseidon as purposefully sending medusa’s head back to sender knowing gabe would open it is like. entirely missing the point of sally jackson’s character and also SO fucked up if it was poseidon?? who used medusa’s head to kill an asshole man?? like!! what the fuck! not to mention sally jackson?? ms. sally jackson? who kills her abusive husband? who on multiple occasions rejected the help of the man who is both a god and her former lover bc she wants to build her life herself—? and who does it? “if my life is to mean anything, i have to live it myself.” those are sally jackson’s words. the abuse itself was already incredibly watered down in the show and that is upsetting. to have gabe accidentally kill himself because he’s a bumbling idiot waters down her agency against her abuse and is even more so upsetting. to have not just a man but a literal god kill her husband for her is so. do you not see how that’s even worse. and then add in that god being poseidon and the method of murder is medusa’s head? i don’t even have words to articulate it, just—
no matter how you cut it, narratively you only disrespect and degrade sally when gabe’s life is taken by any hand that isn’t hers, and having that hand be poseidon’s is just wild.
#WIIIIIILD TAKE#and i don’t even think some of y’all are hearing yourselves#sally jackson herself told percy he cannot kill her abuser for her#that her life only has value if it’s in her own hands#and that was said to her CHILD who Also suffered at the hands of gabe.#can you imagine how it looks disregarding that sentiment so a literal god can save her?#the god partly responsible to blame for medusa’s fate in the first place?#sometimes depicted as her rapist?#doesn’t look good!#as a disabled woman i am all for needing to be saved#wanting to be saved#not feeling shame in needing help#but sally jackson is not only Not one of those people#but someone who shaped so much of her identity around saving herself#how dare the show take it from her.#and for fans to rub salt in the wound?#i know y’all don’t mean it like that that’s why i’m not angry#but i want y’all to rly consider what you’re saying#pjo show crit#pjo show#pjo fandom#percy jackson#sally jackson#poseidon pjo#medusa pjo#ris raves#gabe ugliano
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D:BH Rarepairsweek 7 | @dbhrarepairs
Day 3: Hank/Markus After the revolution, Markus and Hank are both trying to deal with the new situation they've been handed. Their paths cross.
#dbhrarepairsweek#hank anderson#dbh markus#hank x markus#hankus#??? idk but ive seen someone else at least use this tag so i might as well#detroit: become human#d:bh#dbhrarepairs#aight. this might be the rarest pairing im doing this week. maybe.#IM BRINGING MY HANK/MARKUS AGENDA TO THIS EVENT#IVE BEEN KEEPING IT LOWKEY (the fics are wip) SO FAR BUT. NOW IT IS TIME.#look ive been examining these two in my brains for a while now. it makes sense to me.#you will understand my vision.#i was debating writer a longer caption but once again: i'd let you fill in the blanks for this one#i might make more specific content for them in the future#like i had even more interesting scenes to use but im doing this gifset for now hehe#MY VIEW ON THIS was like. Connor getting more involved in android stuff because he wants to support Markus#Hank relapses a bit with his mental health issues but manages it better than he has ever done before#Markus who is burnt out and trying to find rest and dealing with his own demons#manages to notice Hank's struggles. Helps him out lowkey. Is interested in him.#then TO BE CONTINUED#I THINK THE IDEA OF THEM TALKING IS SO FASCINATING ALRIGHT#also. obv. if you see this as platonic only then that is up to you i cannot take it from you and feel free to reblog i absolutely wont mind#but to clarify: markus would be down bad for hank. that's MY canon. I know it in my heart.
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Falin panel in my style
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:D I suddenly felt compelled to redraw the panel. Miss Touden you are my muse
Lineart + original panel under the cut
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I mean, look at the improvement from one drawing to the other, Ryoko Kui’s art makes me think hard about anatomy + physics and it feels really good to draw :3
\/ original panel!
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#I <3 Faligon#This was actually so much fun but it had me searching up weird stuff like ‘human vital points’ and ‘how to draw realistic boobs’#I still have the child safety thing on my iPad so it was hard to find 😭#Had a lot of fun with the ripping fabric! It felt very instinctual and kinda just like scribbling#A lot of people who have been reblogging my stuff lately have been copying all of my tags. Like not just the general/organisation ones#So can you stop doing that :) thank you :)#It’s when someone reblogged it copying me talking about my crush? Or something personal? It’s really odd to copy them 1 for 1…#Falin Touden#My art#Dunmeshi#Dunmeshi fanart#Dungeon Meshi#Dungeon meshi spoilers#Dungeon Meshi fanart#Falin#Farlyn Thorden#Falin fanart#Blood#cw blood#I drew more stab points then are in the panel because Kabru stabs her 3 times (not counting the neck) in the lungs kidney and heart#But only 2 of those are visible in the panel? The lung puncture is missing so I decided to add it#gore#I mean it’s fairly mild#I cannot draw wings for the life of me thank you Ryoko Kui for helping lol#Faligon
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i was thinking about that ask i received the other day and how uncharacteristically upset the topic had made me when i usually just think "mh. gross!" and move on, and after mulling it over a while i realized it wasn't about the topic at all, it was the ask itself that freaked me out. i've mentioned sporadically before (for obvious reasons lol) that i used to be involved in fandom discourse when i was younger and that!! fucked me up quite a lot. between exacerbating my ocd and straight up getting cyber stalked (i almost feel guilty using that word, like i don't deserve it but. yeah that is 100% what happened to me), the topic is something I have very complex and personal opinions on but that i hate talking about in public because it still sets off my fight or flight response.
i know some people in the fandom are like "let me know if i ever rb someone who wrote/drew gross stuff" and that's entirely their choice and i respect it. but for the record, i am not one of these people. please, for the love of god, i am asking this genuinely do NOT come into my DMs about this, I don't want to know. assume I'm either living in blissful ignorance or my blacklist already covers me quite nicely & i wanna keep it that way. i vastly prefer the discomfort of stumbling into something unprepared and deciding what to do about it on my own, to the utter pit of dread i get whenever i open a message that starts with "hey just so you know-". i have blocked multiple people in the past over it. i WILL block more. be warned.
[note. this doesn't apply to people who have either hurt or behaved inappropriately with other members of the fandom, or spread bigotry and discrimination like racists and transphobes. please do let me know in those cases]
does this make sense? idk I'm kinda feverish you guys figure it out. I'm going to sleep.
#word from the wise for anyone peering into the jaws of discourse. there are only 2 types of people you can trust on their opinions on it#they are 1) people who have never heard of ship discourse like. at all. and 2) people who know too much about it#and with that i mean people who started off at one end of the discourse ricochetted to the other side and then came out#objectively refusing to associate with any of it. because they Know. that whatever issue lies at the heart of it is never gonna get resolve#with the way that discourse is conducted. and that the problems will never truly be fixed. and even then#you should take three or four of them at once from different starting and ending points and let them talk it out together first#because they all came from different point of views the others could've missed#i cannot WARN YOU ENOUGH. you do not want to be the second type. don't fall in#block who you wanna block and be kind any time you can. most people aren't inherently evil & that's a weird thing to assume about someone#and for the love if god stop fucking beefing with teenagers online#that is all you need to know about this. go have fun#i haveee so many fucking. thoughts about this topic i genuinely think i could have (and have had! seriously!) constructive discussions on i#about what would be helpful and what needs to be changed and what people get wrong. but it's always in private. because of the horrors#anyway shipping wars veteran discounts when
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good evening, all. it is May the 25th. our lilacs are blooming, just as the ones at the Watch House did. and I am thinking about remembrance of the fallen, and GNU, and the love in commemoration.
y'know, I read Night Watch… oh, maybe a year ago and some months ago. and the lilac symbolism, the remembrance of the Watch, has always struck me with the depth of the emotion of it, the tangibility of it in the flowers. but I wasn't aware that today was the day until I saw commemorative posts, all that gorgeous artwork and more, on my dash.
I was also not aware, until now, that fans commemorated the day not only because of the book reference, but in support of Terry Pratchett and of those with Alzheimer's. which knocked me over a bit because of course, of course the group that would use GNU to honor him would do that. and… I've been thinking about GNU a lot, lately, and this caught me again.
I read Going Postal a bit ago, and reread it recently. both times, the parts about GNU made me tear up. this idea of the names, the memories, the lives of the clacks workers who dedicated themselves to ensuring that people heard each other's voices—all those names spoken again and again and again by that which they poured their souls into, winging along in the air as they could not, an eternal reminder that they were loved—how could that not touch a person's heart?
when I found out that fans online used it to memorialize him, I damn well cried. hell, I still tear up just thinking about it. do you know, there's a code for an HTTP header "X-Clacks-Overhead: GNU Terry Pratchett" written by Reddit users to put in webpages, where it goes unseen by the average user? and in 2015, when Netcraft took a survey, there were eighty-four thousand websites using it? it's eight years later—how many thousands upon thousands of websites have this now, do you think? how many little cables of light has his name flown along, now? how many times?
that alone is absurdly and unimaginably lovely in its own right, but… there's something else to it. there's something about remembering with the lilac sprigs every year, just as Vimes and those who were there remembered their dead. something about how, when we take up our lilac sprigs, we carry a little piece of the characters in our hearts, too. I kept trying to put my finger on why that makes me tear up the way it does. the conclusion I came to is this:
what greater way to honor a writer is there, but to honor them the way they did the characters they poured their heart and soul into? what better way to say we know you and you are not forgotten and your work and words and gifts to the world are held in our hearts forever than to remember them by their own words, their own vision? how else could we say you embodied all the good you believed in and wished to see in the world, but to memorialize them after the little pieces of their soul they wrapped in ink and put upon the page?
it is a knowing of the writer, to remember them in their way. it is not a worn-out faceless platitude, but a reminder that their work has been read and will continue to be, that the characters and world they loved enough to bring to life last just as their name does. such remembrance is warm and loving and delights in their memory even as it grieves.
and now Pratchett's name has been written in his tradition, over and over and over, across the vast plane of the Internet, where it will—with any luck—continue to fly for generations to come.
there is no way to truly express the beauty of that… but perhaps we can catch a glimpse of it in the lilacs, both ours and the Watch's.
#the glorious 25th of may#night watch#gnu terry pratchett#discworld#I cannot express how much I love that our lilacs bloom at the same time as they do in the books#also I dearly wanted to include this little fact in my accidental monologue but it didn't fit. so in the tags it goes:#GNU Terry Pratchett is ALSO a Minecraft splash text#which is just. aaaaaaaaaaah of course a game with something like the End Poem would do that but aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah#I have many feelings on this and a decent summary of a lot of them is about the beauty of how humanity remembers and loves our dead#and also just... the love. the love that can be held for someone you never met#but whose writing and words can pierce your heart in the best of ways#and the love for characters--for the best of them are these little shards of the writer's soul that they decided to share#because that's really the nature of writing. baring your soul and your self to others in those persons you breathe to life on the page#and then sharing it with others just in hopes that it might ring true and inspire them#give them insight#help them in ways no one else could because only YOU could write that character and share that part of yourself#and by gods if Pratchett isn't among the best at that then I don't know who is#anyway. I have feelings and I accidentally turned them into a monologue whoo#have a good evening all
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The scene in The Jedi where Ahsoka tries to get Grogu to use the Force made me realise how long it actually was at that point since we last saw him use it. He hadn't used it since he pushed back the fire from the Incinerator troopers in Redemption.
I wonder if he didn't use it very much after that point because he was trying to say to Din that he didn't really want to be a Jedi anymore. That he didn't want to be reunited with his kind and he wanted to stay with Din. If he didn't use his powers there would be nothing to train.
Until Din showed Grogu he loved him so much that he was happy to let him go. So that's when Grogu decided he should take that path and retrain to be a Jedi...
#din djarin#grogu#ahsoka tano#the mandalorian#clan mudhorn#i'm in agony grogu must have been so ??? to see din so upset when luke took him AHHH this show hurts#loving someone so much you want the best for them even if it means letting them go and hurting you is the purest form of love#din loves grogu unconditionally i'm aCHING he is truly the only man to ever#i guess i've thought about this before in some way but it just hit slightly differently today and now i'm a WRECK#also i said i'd watch one or two i've watched FIVE in a row send help#but then i'm definitely having a break i cannot deal with the last three episodes today LOL
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Does pretending to be fine on the outside bring you at least some sort of satisfaction? That they won’t see how bad it gets
yesss and it's so selfish and embarrassing, i keep hoping someday they'll all see right through the bullshit and then they'll say "oh my, it was so very bad all along and you never said anything? you withstood it all and never brought any attention to yourself? that's so selfless, i could never, i would have broken earlier, you are so strong. we will help you now, you deserve it now because you never asked for anything!!!" but it never happens and it never will happen and the worse it gets for me the more i put on the cheerful and selfless and carefree demeanor, i get so desperate to keep it all up because if i ever drop the act and start Acting Depressed, start wearing my arms out or stop smiling at everybody all the time, i would be acting selfish, i would be attention-seeking, i would be undeserving of any help at all since i'm simply craving attention. you see what i mean? it's all twisted but i swear there is a logic there - the more desperately i need something to change, the kinder i will act, the milder, gentler, more selfless, quieter, i have to handle it with humility because not complaining and just taking it quietly is what would make me deserving of some care, and sometimes i need it so badly that i'd do anything to deserve it. i keep thinking if i deserved it i would have already received it, only that's not how people function, people go to psychologists or tell their friends 'i'm depreseed' and that's how they get help, not through martyrdom and humility. but i do it the quiet way and the worse things get the quieter and more mellow i become and it will probably go on this way until i kill myself and then people will say "holy shit, she was always so cute and kind and pastel, nobody could have expected this, who could have had any idea?"
#to be fair it is also not entirely my fault that i don't get any help at all because i've waited months for a single psych appointment#he told me i probably have bpd and to not do any substances and also presribed me dbt therapy#then i called up all the clinics in poland that offer dbt therapy and one finally picked up after fucking weeks of ghosting they told me#i do not have a ✨ prescription code✨ refused to explain what that is and told me i should have known things like that#i booked another appointment waited two months again and was told oh yeah we cannot actually get you like a prescription for#refunded therapy#or however to translate it#we can only recommend it! okay so. thanks for the recommendation. kinda wish you would have told me that before.#and they told me i should actually go to the family doctor or whatever you call those in english#but that means a woman who has treated my entire close family for like the last 20 years or so#so yeah i won't go to someone who's known me since i was an infant to tell her. Things#mind you my family has no idea about The Things and she treats them all#and anyway the worst part of the episode was over by the time i got the family doctor info and i was just too tired to keep trying anymore#so like#it's also not entirely my fault#not 100% anyway#only maybe like 97.5%#answered#anon#holy shit i never put it all in words so concisely thank you for this anon i needed to spell this out to myself#not to mention after i would get the prescription i would still need to wait for two years for the first therapy appointment
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had quite the night drive earlier this evening.
#just me rambling again#web weaving#(?)#uh. one of my friends who is out of town for college was visiting and i got to see him and our friends and the only core member of that#group of people missing was my ex girlfriend who you may also know of as my wonderful wife#who has I assume been very busy with their own life things but has also barely and very sparsely had any hint of communication with any of#us within the past few months which I've been realizing very recently sort of hurts my feelings because we used to be so close and#they had been saying that they would be constantly making sure we still were in each other's lives. but then very quickly have#seemingly dropped off the face of the earth#anyways. I was driving aforementioned friend who is in town back home (family home not college obv) and when i was finally going back#towards my house afterwards my Google maps finally lead me to an area that i was more familiar with driving and i got to an#intersection and it was telling me to take a right to go home but i knew that i knew the way perfectly from that intersection to my#ex girlfriend / best friend / wifes familys house from all of the times I've gone that direction through the past years and so#i turned off my directions and i took a left towards their house#not super sure why but my brain and body just knew it was something i needed to do and so i went and drove down their street and cried#a lot the whole time and then drove myself home from their house once again following a super familiar path#and idk im still feeling very emotional about it. the fact that halloween by noah kahan was the first song to play on Spotify#after i made that left turn im sure didnt help (knowing that i miss them so much and am going to be leaving this area myself#soon enough here and there's been an open offer for a while now that they are welcome to follow and live with me once they get their degree#(and also um. halloween is next week lol)#idk i just havent felt the full force of how badly i miss having them in my life until tonight. when i was around this person i could feel#our souls singing in harmony. i genuinely cannot describe the feelings of our relationship in words i feel like only vaguely abstract art#could communicate the connection that was forged between us and the level of understanding and knowing#something not dissimilar to looking into the sun directly or trying to describe a vivid color to someone who is completely blind#something about the way the entire universe breathes in unison and everything around us are all pieces of the same stars#sigh#i miss my wife tails i miss her a lot /ref
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Hey if you gloat about "stealing" f/o's from a person who doesn't like to share, I'm gonna need you to grow up and respect people's boundaries and also get the fuck away from me.
#To the idiot I just blocked.#you're not cool or funny. You're an asshole.#My self ships and my f/o are incredibly personal to me. I do not self ship strictly for fun. I ship for a multitude of reasons one being#I'm ficto and second is that I cope a lot with my f/o. They've helped me in so many ways that your tiny little brain cannot even begin to#comprehend. (you as in the jerk I blocked)#So yeah if you throw around the terms 'stealing f/o's' please block me you're too immature for my liking.#Yeah. I'm pissed off. I don't care. I'm going to feel what I'm feeling. Don't do this shit- I have past trauma's of this shit happening to#me where someone actually did just ship with every f/o I shipped with after meeting me or started dming me#Or pretending they're platonic only to turn around and have them romantic and show me#So yes this is a very very touchy subject for me and why I heavily curate who I follow // don't follow. I have trust issues big time.#vent.tw#Sorry but I'm not okay with this type of behaviour.
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