#I can't give up when lesbian fiction looks like That

[xblackmariahx]

quotes from me while watching hannibal to convince you to watch it

"are they fucking or fighting?" "who is this DIVA. no but seriously who the fuck is this diva." "aww yes sesbian lex" "is he sailing to europe? good luck babe" "i feel like i'm tripping" "this is so curly mouthwashing coded" "this has got to be a fetish of some sort" "D D DIVA" "hello my autistic baddie!" "put a shirt on slut" "the bitch is back and life is great again" "i am wheezing just call him a slur at this point" "*to the tune of hot to go* A-U-T-I-S-M, you have fucking autism" "pardon me while i bust" "he legitimately has more dogs than friends doesn't he" "oh hey that is literally my worst nightmare" "please step on me" "turning the brightness all the way up" "nevermind that's a dead body" "sir you are on drugs and i don't just mean aspirin" "ooh girl please don't have a traumatic breakdown in the middle of your lecture" "this show is a fucking comedy" "just give some kids weed not hands jesus fuck" "OH MY GOD?" "oh hey i got stabbed too. slash joke you guys." "i can excuse some recreational cannibalism" "HOLY SHIT! is that a motherfucking RADIOHEAD reference?" "oh hey look it's 1/2 of bananagrams" "ehehehe she's so hot. ehehehe he's so hot. ehehehe everyone is so hot." "she's a ten but the narrative will not give her a fucking break" @grilmo-bartlett: "special agent. special. me: "actually he's the agent of autism" grlm: "I'm special agent autism here to solve a murder" me: "that's me!" "NO MY HONEY SUGAR BOO ICON" "sweetie pie! sweetie pie sweetie pie sweetie pie angel" "why is this episode just called egg in french. i'm cackling." "THIS IS HOMOPHOBIA LET HER GO" "that's a lesbianism" "why are you speaking FRENCH in ITALY" "my poor baby. she killed a man." "hannibal, you gaslighting bitch (affectionate)" "'wlw hannibal' this 'butchfemme hannigram' that. motherfucker just watch killing eve." "OH WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT" "babygirl can't die but babygirl can get framed for murder" "that's horrible and a little kinky" "i do love when women have guns" "doing a bunch of murders because i'm thirsting over a blond man" "NOOOOOOOOOO MY THIRD FAVORITE DILF" "you were just as horny as the rest of us" "yes baddie! commit that murder!" "my babygronk is back! you should not have survived that!" "brunette bisexuals who fucked the same dude" "HELLO my beautiful lesbian babies! you will fall in love, all in due time!" "i am no better than a man" "hey so i'm actually sobbing" "i am violently crashing out. i hate this show (lying)" "they hate to see lesbians winning" "my fictional girlfriend just died, is this my sign to start flirting with real girls?" "baby's first time kissing a lesbian! it will not be his last!" "i think that's enough hannibal for today"

[antiyourwokehomophobia2]

Me ranting about a book below the cut but I just need to get this off my chest

Honestly, I hated that ending so fucking much. It's honestly so fucking impressive how the author was able to ruin two books worth of stuff in one single sentence at the end. I can't believe that she'd allow the two of them to take on other lovers. The MC went a full century without touching anyone else. She waited for her lover to awaken and yet??? I feel like the two of them just should not have gotten together if they were just gonna??? Break up, fuck other people for a hundred years, and then get back together? How on earth is that love? How on earth is that "fated"?

"Hey, I'm totally cool with you being miles away from me even though you genuinely do not have to be. Not only that, but I'm totally cool with both of us fucking a multitude of other people for literally a hundred years. After we're done with our hundred year escapade of not being loyal to each other, why don't we get back together?"

Fucking insane. That's your retelling? That's your happy ending?? What self respecting person would allow someone to put them on the back burner for 100 years? It's not like their love wasn't confessed. They admitted to loving each other. Or loving each other once, at least. So? Either end it or be faithful? Who the fuck allows themselves to be a "hmm... I'm gonna sample everyone else first and come back to you when I feel like it" for fucking 100 years? Is that really love prevailing? Is that really true love? And what on earth was with all that ambiguous sexuality bullshit? I'm going to kill someone.

Y'all, I am being so fucking serious when I say the ending of this book influenced by writing and my drive to be a writer in a way that literally nothing else has. This book had me in shambles. I can't think about it too long. I cried for days after. Just the thought of the line "Alyce, come home" can send me into turmoil fr. God, I fucking hate lesbian books. I'm never reading one again.

[cushfuddled]

"Sometimes you can just tell when an mlm fic was written by a woman though"

I say this with love. I really do.

You can't.

Some gay men enjoy reading and writing wildly unrealistic kinky sex. Some gay men enjoy reading and writing "stereotypical" depictions of gay men. Some gay men will write fiction which offends other gay men.

No matter how obvious it may seem to you that someone is writing from outside their demographic, you will never know unless the writer tells you so—and you are not entitled to that information.

PLEASE understand that terfs depend on this line of thinking to disguise their harassment campaigns as activism (see #1) and to shame their precious impressionable young women out of interacting with gay fiction and ~suddenly deciding they're men~ (see #2).

Terfs desperately want you to believe you can "just tell" when "a cis straight woman wrote this" because

It discourages cross-contamination. Terfs don't like it when anybody can make gay art without disclosing their identity for the same reason they don't like the word "queer"; they need everybody to stay in their neat, labeled boxes so they know who to target.

It's much easier to convince someone who honestly believes they can tell when "a straight woman wrote this" to share a callout post over so-and-so's "blatant fetishization of gay men." A recent example: Last year the author of Webtoon's Boyfriends suffered a nuclear harassment campaign for the crime of fetishizing gay men...and was diligently misgendered as "she" when he told everyone he was gay and transmasc! People were SO convinced they'd smelled a cis straight woman they refused to acknowledge the creator's actual queer identity, electing to kickflip straight into the transphobia jet turbine rather than (god forbid) admit they weren't a perfect queer sonar device 🎉! These tactics sound convoluted until you look at the end result of the "you can tell [insert identity here] wrote this" callouts and HUH—like clockwork, a marginalized person is pressured into coming out as [insert identity here], they get the shit kicked out of them anyway, and they're forced to limit their interactions with their community online (or even give up creating altogether). How convenient for the terfs! Gay fiction helps a lot of people realize they're trans, but terfs think reading and writing gay fanfiction deludes women into betraying their lesbian comrades and "cosplaying as men." Terfs share a special hatred for this fiction because they see it as a weapon which turns their own kind against them—and they're happy to feign progressivism as a means to an end. Please recognize the signs and don't let exclusionists convince you to do their work for them.

[darling-keoko]

Since I haven't posted in a while ima just write a small fiction with Caesar and you (M/n) interacting as husbands

Warnings: Fluff, uhmmm....suggestive shit...and...uhm...dont mind my smut skills....you are a house husband ig 😒.

Seeing your husband off to work

꧁𐂂꧂

You stirred awake to something heavy on top of you... It was Caesar of course.

"Nghm... Cae... get off me you fucking... Ugh... I'm too tired to think of something."

You stuff your face into your pillow groaning in it.

Caesar was laying on your thighs, scrolling through his phone, intentionally ignoring you.

You take your face out of the pillow, nudging him off your thighs.

"Your head is too big for this, darling."

He chuckles rolling his eyes.

"Stop being so over dramatic."

He sits up going to the edge of the bed, stretching.

"Woah... Your voice got really deep."

He gives your cheek a peck before standing up, stretching his limbs with a large groan.

"I don't wanna go to work today."

He complains, walking over to your shared closet and grabbing his work clothes.

"I want to stay joke with my best friend and husband at the same time."

You snored at his complaining, pretending to be asleep.

"Hey! I know your not sleeping, M/n."

I got up from the bed with a loud Huff.

"Awe... That's kinda sad that I'm your only best friend, but... Cute at the same time."

You walked over to him, hugging him from behind, giving him small kisses on the nape of his neck.

"If you keep on doing that I won't be able to get to work."

He turned around to give you a kiss on the nose.

"Then don't go... Tell your boss that your sick."

Caesar eyes widen at your statement, knowing what your suggesting.

"Jeez... I can't really handle your temptations."

Caesar takes off his shirt pushing you onto the bed.

"But first."

Caesar grabs his phone from off the nightstand, quickly unlocking it and typing.

"There... Now... Where were we again?"

You pouted tapping your chin with your index finger.

"Hmm... I don't actually know... You probably were gonna go down on me... But I don't know for sure."

You winked at him.

"Dammit... I might have to take two days off."

He takes off your shirt immediately aiming to suck your nipples.

He knew that your most sensitive spot was on your chest.

"Ah, ngh... Fuck..."

You moaned out.

"Wait— I want to suck yours."

Caesar looked surprised when you said that... You were careful about them ever since he got that top surgery.

"Well... But are you sure your okay with that?"

You smirked at him, raising one eyebrow.

"Shouldn't I be asking that?'

He smiles at your words.

"Your so unserious at times... That's why I love you."

꧁𐂂꧂

A/N; the part 2 of the Caesars fic isn't ready yet and will not be ready anytime soon bc of exams. And also I'll be writing about Caesar's college friend, Tokki, also you'll see Caesar and his boyfriend aka M/r in her story and vice versa but with girlfriend for tokki sense she's lesbian. Oh and before I forget Min-Shin is going to be in some stories also. I kinda want their stories to be like intertwined and to have their own respective soulmates.

@lovelycupid

[aceing-on-the-cake]

Compulsory Heterosexuality Info Dump

So because a friend of mine didn't know what comp het was and their internet history is monitored by their parents so they can't just use google, I'm doing a very quick research dive and giving you guys the results in case there are others out there who are in the same situation. I'll also be tagging blogs bigger than me because again, there might be fellow queers out their who are in the same boat as my friend and I want them to have access to this information.

So what is compulsory heterosexuality (or comp het)?

Comp het is in essence the societal belief and enforcement of being straight.

What does this mean?

In basic form it means that the only options presented to everyone, from the moment of birth, is that of a cis, amatonormative, heterosexual lifestyle.

You are given two gender options, these gender options determine the two roles you're allowed to fulfill, husband and wife, and you are told that these two roles are what will make you happy and are what you are supposed to strive for.

Meaning society, if you are born AFAB, tells you you're going to one day get married, it's going to be a boy, and this is what will make you happy. Almost everything in life is then seen through this lens. How attractive your are, how you are supposed to talk, how you're supposed to behave, etc is all considered through the lens of if a man will be attracted to you.

On the flip side, if you are born AMAB society tells you there are roles you have to fulfill as well. You are told you will one day want a wife, that you have to be able to have a job to provide for her, that you have to behave in a certain emotional way to be strong for her, that if the things you like are too feminine well then you're gay or a girl which is a problem because at the end of the day you're supposed to want the girl-fiance-wife.

This literally just sounds like the patriarchy.

Yes, it does, because it's caused by it. Nowadays people commonly know about compulsory heterosexuality from the Lesbian Masterdoc, but the term actually originated by Adrienne Rich in 1980.

Adrienne Rich in her article Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence put forward three ideas, 1) that heterosexuality and lesbianism were institutions themselves/possible political ideologies, 2) that heterosexuality as a system if not constantly maintained and upheld would eventually crumble and 3) that heterosexuality as a system could be opted out of and actively fought against whether or not you were actually attracted to women/non-women.

This is very different from the way we currently think of and define those terms, I am aware of that, but her point does still stand to some degrees that comp het, cisnormativity and amatonormativity all crumble when we stop rigidly enforcing the structures that uphold them, i.e., the patriarchy, misogyny, classism, and racism.

Ok but like what does that actually look like?

It can look like a lot of things, for a lot of different people. In the Lesbian Masterdoc you see comp het presented from a straightforward lesbian lens (of a 19 year old figuring out and defining their own sexuality guys, I'm not gonna sit here and critique it and rip it to death, go do that somewhere else).

This is therefore presented through things like women/non-women who were raised/socialized as women possibly having crushes on men, but they're always unattainable in some way (celebrities, fictional, someone real but they wouldn't actually ever be able to truly be in a relationship with, etc). It might also show up for lesbians as liking the idea of a man but being uncomfortable when one actually wants to move forward in the process. Or even sometimes it might show up as sexual fantasies with men but they're faceless, they're more an idea, or you're actually viewing another woman sleeping with him.

This presentation of comp het has made a lot of bi/pan/mspec people uncomfortable because they feel they too have experiencing comp het and when reading the Lesbian Masterdoc it's presented as if experiencing this is a straight shot towards being a lesbian.

And they're right that comp het isn't experienced by just lesbians. For mspecs who present feminine/as women this could be in the feeling that they have to dress a certain way to be presentable, but presentable is based on appealing to men. This can mean something as simple as women are expected to wear makeup, always, regardless of if they're looking to seek men's attention or not, because that's the base standard.

For mspecs who present masculine this can look like the inability to express themselves in an overly emotional manner because that doesn't make them "strong" and if they're not "strong" then they won't attract women, and that's what they're supposed to be doing.

For mspecs in general that can look like their queer looking relationships to be seen as a phase even if their mspec-ness is respected because of course they're eventually going to get married to a man/woman.

This can affect polyamorous cishet people in that they're seen as doing heterosexuality wrong because you're supposed to have the one partner and the 2.5 kids.

This can affect aspecs because they're told they'll never truly feel fulfilled if they don't have that boyfriend/girlfriend/partner to love them in a way that's so special nothing else could match up.

This affects all of us guys is my point.

How is this helpful to me?

Well for sapphics and lesbians (or sapphics/mspecs confused on if they are actually lesbians) this can be a helpful concept to consider because it can help you determine what relationships you truly want to pursue, which is the main point I feel is to be gained from the Lesbian Masterdoc. As she's put it "it's way more important to ask yourself if you can be truthfully happy with a man than if you’re attracted to them"

So if you're a sapphic who experiences attraction to men but you honestly can't ever see yourself willingly entering into a relationship with them, consider the idea of comp het.

If you're Achillean the opposite of this can be true, if you've been attracted to women before but honestly can't ever see yourself willingly entering into a relationship with them, consider whether comp het is working on you.

For mspecs this can be a helpful term to throw over the table back at your parents when they ask when you're going to get a "real relationship".

This can be a helpful term to consider when asking "am I forcing myself to wear mascara because I feel this is the only way I look presentable or do I actually like mascara."

Or it can be a helpful concept to look back on when undermining our internalized ideals of misogyny, towards ourselves and others.

This is a helpful term to put in our tool boxes to talk about the harm the systems of patriarchy, classism, and racism impose upon us.

Comp het can help us to understand why so many people look down on polyamory as a legitimate way of life.

It can be a helpful term for aspecs who are trying to figure out if they really want to date/have sex, or if they just believe these are the only things that will make you happy.

In general

Compulsory heterosexuality is just another term to describe a system we are all intimately familiar with. But by giving us the words to describe our experiences, it gives us the power to communicate those experiences more effectively, and to possibly understand why we're experiencing them.

This is just a bare basic knowledge post.

Honestly if you have the ability to, as in your internet history is not monitored in the way my friend's is, I encourage you to go on the deep dive through the sources listed below. Many of them are honestly only 30 pages long, that's a relatively short read, and understanding queer theory like this not only helps you to understand your own identity, but the ways in which you are connected to the rest of the fellow queer community.

Sources

Lesbian Masterdoc

Queer Theory 101: Compulsory Heterosexuality

Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence

Normativities Defined

Taglist

I'm tagging blogs bigger than me so that this has an easier time getting passed around as I mainly talk about aspec issues because I am aspec, but as stated above, I wanted to make sure that queer people who's internet histories are monitored and are only able to find information through tumblr safely could do so.

@our-queer-experience @our-sapphic-experience @our-lesbian-experience @our-aspec-experience @our-polyamorous-experience @our-pansexual-experience @our-unlabelled-experience @our-aroace-experience @our-mspec-experience @our-questioning-experience @our-bisexual-experience

[transfemme-shelterdog]

examples of transandrophobia I've seen over time - shitty ex that I wasn't out to saying he could still fuck a trans man because a trans man is just a flat chested woman and he likes flat chested women

same shitty ex saying that if lab-grown dicks ever became viable for implantation cis men with small dicks or who lost theirs should get priority over trans men because trans men don't need dicks

being treated like I'm not an ideal trans man to have sex with because I have too much bottom dysphoria most of the time and would rather use a strap until I can get phallo

people saying phallo dicks are ugly, which made me deeply fucked up about wanting it until I started looking at r/phallo and learning to love those dicks

scaremongering over the changes t could make to make us not the ideal little skinny hairless twink

strangers joking about knocking up specific trans men as if it's not wildly fucked up to joke about real people like that (it doesn't bother me if it's between people who enjoy it or about fiction but I've seen those comments on photos of real trans men)

people implying that trans men who can't just embrace having a cunt are less of real men than ones who can

the way that as soon as I was a man I had to fight tooth and nail for my attraction to women to be treated as not being disgusting, because men being attracted to women is seen as disgusting in queer spaces, but also to be seen as a legitimate queer man and not a "fetishizing cis woman"; the way I was told I was just a confused lesbian even though I've never even *been* a lesbian

having people who used to give me a lot of affection stop when I came out because I'm a man now and men don't need to be loved

.

[luvtonique]

I suppose considering my last post I should address something.

I'm currently writing "Melodi," and "Foxen," and a lot of people have asked me if there will be "Representation" in those stories.

The answer is, "Not intentionally, no."

I do not write labels, I write characters. I'm sorry, I don't give a flying fuck about representation, I write characters that are important to the story and give them personalities that further the plot.

I love character interactions, I love when characters with heavily different personalities and opinions interact with one another and have disagreements, make stupid decisions, do things that the reader would never do (like "DON'T GO IN THERE" moments).

I also like world-building. I like imagining entire worlds where the governing bodies, the landscape, the whole society is completely different than Earth, especially since I feel very strongly that bringing real-world issues (especially political or ideological) into fictional media completely pulls the viewer out of the fiction.

A story about a fictional world shouldn't be a story about Earth.

Period. I will never change my opinion on that.

It's time to really lay things out here. People have asked me, "Will there be any trans characters in <Melodi/Foxen>?"

The answer is an absolutely resounding, "No. Trans people do not exist in those universes literally at all."

"WHOA, WHAT!? SO YOU'RE JUST ERASING TRANS PEOPLE!?"

No. I'm inventing a world where you can swap your sex by drinking a potion or casting a spell, thus meaning gender dysmorphia would not exist, because if you wanna be a girl you can just snap your fingers or drink a potion. That is not "Erasing Trans People," that is looking realistically at a fictional universe in which we are not born into a body we can't easily change out of.

I'm sorry to have to tell you this but the concept of gender, of culture, of race, of species, are all concepts that exist on Earth, and a fictional world is not required to have any of those things. At all.

Do black people exist in Melodi? Yeah, humans can have darker skin, a lot of them do. Are they a different culture? No. Do they act different? No. Do they look different? Other than the skin color, no. Do they wear their hair different? No.

All of these things are because "Humans" in Melodi's universe are a society obsessed with technology. Humans are the only species with no natural magical affinity, and therefore they put cybernetic bio-chips in their children that give them artificial magic affinity that slowly replaces their circulatory system as they grow up to make them able to cast spells. In Melodi's universe, humans are a society revolving around technological advancements, spellcrafting with their cool digital magic and they've developed kinks and fetishes for people with different cyber wiring patterns in their faces instead of like, "Freckles or no freckles"

There's no Africa or America in Melodi's universe so why would there be African Americans? There's just black humans, who act like all the other humans but have black skin, no cultural differences at all, no racism between them, none of that.

I hate to be the one to break this to all of you but fiction is not real, and as much as you wanna demand it, fiction has no implicit criteria to be realistic or relatable in any way.

And now we get to the elephant in the room, "But Jay, you've said in private that Melodi is a lesbian, isn't that lesbian representation?"

No, that's girls who are attracted to girls existing in a fantasy world where it's extremely possible and reasonable for a girl to sometimes, hear me out, be attracted to girls.

Where gender dysmorphia wouldn't exist because of the immediate ease of access of sex-swapping magics and potions, the same can't be said about a person's attractions. Yes, magic and potions do exist in Melodi's universe that change a person's sexuality, but people still have a sexuality by default.

And here's another elephant, "But Jay, what about racism? Does racism exist in Melodi?"

Yes. Very much so. Melodi takes place in a universe where the different races are fucking vastly different and have extreme cultural differences. EXTREME.

An example: The Feliki do not have familial bonds of any kind and will gladly sell their children to pay their bills. They treat their children, parents, siblings like invaders in their own homes, and will only keep them around if they're useful to the household.

Another example: The Lupos choose a person once a year to be their "Hunt Target" and tell the rest of the world that anyone who interferes with their hunt will be slaughtered, and will spend the year hunting down and murdering their target to have a ritual feast.

A prime example: The Bicci literally need to have sex to live, and when starved will literally sexually assault people out of desperation. This has lead to the Bicci being forced to have partners if they ever leave their city so that they can feed off each other, and they will be arrested and dragged back to their city if they're seen alone outside of it. Bicci are also commonly referred to as rapists by other races.

See, I'm very much of the opinion (and always will be) that fiction is not real, and the more that you demand fiction be real, the less you're demanding fiction and the more you're demanding reality.

The world Melodi is in is a very fucked up world.

You will likely not relate to the characters, you will not see a single transgender character, and you will not see any intentional plot points that relate to anything happening in a socio-political sphere in real life because I'm sorry, but that's not the story I'm writing.

I'm writing a story about a fucked up nightmare world, and in Foxen's case I'm writing a story about a family going on an adventure in a silly world with goats and foxes and magic and candy.

I do not write stories about real life.

I do not write my opinions into metaphors nor use my characters as soapbox puppets to convey my opinions on real-life social matters.

And you will not see intentional representation in my works.

That is final, and I will never, ever, ever change this fact about my works of fiction.

Thank you for reading, hope you're having a great day.

Luv you.

~Jay

[mormonbooks]

"Let's Call it a Doomsday" Review

5/5 stars!!! ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

This is the book I was searching for when I started this blog.

In so many ways, Ellis Kimball is me. Some of you have probably seen the quotes I've been sharing on my blog. Those are only snippets of the moments I felt deeply seen by Henry's narration of Ellis's thoughts.

I can't really talk about what I love about this book without some spoilers so, fair warning.

I never expected to find a story with a bisexual mormon teenage girl, dating an exmormon (also bisexual) guy. I never thought I'd read conversations I have had with people in my real life, repeated through the mouths of these characters. I never anticipated a book including that one ridiculously perfect and gorgeous Samoan Laurel President, and realize I guess I wasn't the only one with a girl like that in my ward.

and I adore that none of that was the focus. I love that Hannah and Ellis's connection was something complicated and intimate and that they needed each other, and that they weren't each other's love interests (despite Hannah being canonically a lesbian as Ellis is realizing that she's bi). The plot of the book took center stage in an intriguing and gripping way, while providing a perfect backdrop for Ellis's journey of self discovery (which includes understanding how to live with her anxiety, how to manage her intrusive thoughts, what belief and religion mean to her, and accepting that she is attracted to girls.)

It's so much all stuffed into one perfect package. I would love it if everyone read this book, because that would increase the number of people on earth who could understand me and my experiences. But I strongly urge at least every Queer Mormon to give it a go. It was exciting, fun, and healing.

Breakdown under the cut

1. Well written - 5 stars

I loved absolutely everything about this book. The internal narration of anxiety was gripping, the family dynamics were complicated and relateable, the main character went through a few overlapping character arcs and the were woven together so well. And every description of being a Mormon Teenage Girl was so accurate it felt like Henry had reached into my own mind and put my memories on the page.

2. Fun level - 5 stars

It's been a minute since a book made me want to stay up until 4am. This book did that multiple times. I laughed, I cheered, I cried.

3. Complex faith - 5 stars

This is exactly what I'm looking for in a mormon book! She's a member of the church and she talks about why she loves church, and she's scandalized by certain things, but she also is friends with people who smoke weed, and there's an exmormon who explains why he left and he is respected (and also respectful!) and Ellis questions things that she's been taught and redefines her faith for herself and it's all so wonderful and perfect.

4. Homophobia scale - 5 stars

SPOILERS The main character discovers that she IS a queer mormon. This is what I'm talking about. There is an explanation for how current policy is harmful to queer people. There is self-discovery and questioning, and acceptance. It's beautiful and wonderful. There are also other queer characters!

5. Mormon weird - 4 stars

This is a strictly realistic fiction book, but it doesn't shy away from the mormonness. There are multiple descriptions of church services, family home evening, belief about the afterlife etc. Tal talks about watching the temple videos on youtube (and Ellis is horrified). It's also all about a girl who is obsessed with emergency preparedness which is part of mormon culture, in a way.

6. Diversity of characters - 5 stars

We've got queer characters, we've got south americans, we've got asians, we've got jewish characters. In other words, a pretty accurate picture of the population of Berkeley, California.

7. Other problematic stuff - 5 stars

I have no complaints. Henry grappled with issues like mental health, homelessness, family trauma, belief, etc with lots of care, compassion, and nuance.

[invisiblegarters]

The Heart Killers Ep 2

Continuing the liveblogging for my own amusement.

Bison you've known this guy for two weeks please calm down.

I continue to adore Fadel above all. Maybe because he's literally the only one who seems to be thinking in this entire show.

STYLE WHAT ARE YOU DOING. The fact that he has no clue that Fadel kills people somehow makes this absolutely hilarious.

Oh honey don't just stand there smugly you have to know better.

I am not the right audience for this particular bit lol. Ah well.

I like the song though.

LOL well Kant is certainly fine with whatever they're doing here. Another grab and squeeze good for you buddy. Also the glasses are hot I will fight people. Let Kant let his inner lesbian librarian shine.

Ooh okay I like that Bison's pain kink seems to go both ways? Wonder if we'll see that in action (genuinely don't care if we do just curious).

Dammit Kant I was hoping you'd the be professional here but I guess that was too much to ask. Sigh.

KITTY.

These two are ridiculous am I supposed to take either of them seriously? The only person I'm taking seriously here is Fadel.

He's so pushy. So pushy that it's obvious. I kind of want to sneak into the show and give him a good slap.

Another Babe scene yay! I like Kant with Babe. Their dynamic is fun and believable.

Oh my GOD Kant do NOT listen to this. But also, the idea of Kant getting someone to hit on Bison to "prove" himself never occurred to me and now I want it and will be dissatisfied if we get anything else lol.

Style really is the most shameless person. Fadel is going to murderize him (no he's not actually I feel like the more Style does random shit like this the more confused Fadel becomes, and then he just kind of...freezes lol). I love these two hands down the best thing about this show so far.

Fadel: They might be working together

Bison: Oh you have no idea.

Ooooh look at this. Style inadvertently helping to convince Bison Kant is serious. Kant should be paying him for this.

Wait is Fadel actually playing along a little? Even if he acts utterly exasperated about it? That is cute.

Ooop Bison wants to get laaaaaid. Good for him. But also Kant babe if this is what I think it is maybe don't find your guy in your tattoo shop (this is a guess). Then again it could be just that Bison has a type (I mean I do think he does but I also think this is a set up).

Set up or not this is cringey as hell. I can't. And anyway Bison's not gonna like this shit. Posturing is so blergh.

Or maybe that's just me idk.

See? Confused. It's a good look on Fadel, keep up the good work Style I believe in you.

I will say this. The way that Kant pries for real information is actually good.

This is Pulp Fiction. Right down to the milkshakes. Jojo I see you.

But also there went any chance I ever had of taking any part of this show seriously. Like, ever.

Oh ho hoooo I see you Fadel.

Style you little freak I love you.

Called this but also why the hell are you doing this NOW he could be RIGHT THERE you LOSERS if he catches you you'll deserve it. Why can NO ONE in these shows do this stuff right? Cameras out like you're gonna post your pics on Insta, doing shady fake jealousy deals five seconds after the person you're trying to fool walked away. Forgetting gloves when you're off to do your less acceptable night job. Next thing Kant will have a conversation at full volume with Captain Chris right in front of Bison.

Kant you are a numbskull.

Bison honey you've been made. Fadel definitely knows where you were and who you were with lol.

Bison, I am not getting the impression parts of you are taking this slow at all.

Fadel's totally gonna go to bed to fantasize/dream about Style. Meanwhile little bro is in the throes of puppy love pretty much regardless of what he says.

Good job Kant, I guess.

Well all right Fadel.*blinks* This was unexpected and made me feel like way more of a voyeur than watching Kant and Bison go at it. 😳

Are we seriously getting the nipple clamps next episode?

Also Kant we don't make bets with Bison, remember. Not that it matters I'm sure you'll find a way to get in his house regardless.

Thoughts: Fadel and Style continue to be the main attraction for me. I've seen stuff floating around about Fadel maybe being a virgin and honestly, if they did that it would go a long way towards soothing my worries about this show. Style's way of flirting is so weird but also perfect because Fadel really has no clue what to make of it. His immediate assumption - that Style wants something - doesn't add up with all the wacky shit Style keeps doing to get his attention. Like the Kant kind of seduction - all smooth and over the top interested and very handsy - I almost think Fadel could handle better Maybe not the handsy stuff. But then I don't think Kant would even get that far Fadel wouldn't even entertain him the way Bison is.

But Style...Style is so obnoxious and exasperating that even though Fadel is sure that there are ulterior motives he's too confused and reluctantly intrigued to put up a proper defense? Because the way Style is going about it is so absurd that it loops back around to having to be about actually liking Fadel, because no one in their right mind would flirt like this otherwise.

Little does he know that Style is both nuts and shameless, a dangerous combination. Also, I think he really thinks that Kant is 1000% down bad and he wants to help his friend out. That's sweet. He's gonna be so mad when he learns the truth my god.

Kant and Bison fired for me a little better in this ep, but are still kind of falling flat as a romantic pair. I said above and I will say again that if Kant should thank Style because I do think that Style's conviction that Kant is down bad (not saying he won't get there but I'm still not really getting that from him at all, lol) did a lot of work in convincing Bison that he might actually be genuine, if a bit full on. It helps that Bison clearly wants to buy in, whether because he wants to be in love or because he's bored or because he wants to keep playing, I don't know. There's also the option that he could actually like Kant a lot, lol. Mustn't forget that one.

I am a little surprised that I believe Bison's feelings a little more. Maybe all his swooning when alone is a cheap trick to fool us too and then I will be the one with egg on my face (it wouldn't be the first time), but for right now I'm definitely getting more from him than Kant. But I kind of love that tbh. If Kant is going to get as unhinged as he does in the trailer ("do you think I'd go on living if you died") then this current version of him kind of makes sense, in a way? Also maybe I'm fooling myself because it was what I was hoping for but didn't dare to dream - a Kant who is super reluctant to fall for this guy because he knows the game he's really playing and then goes and does it anyway. And enough so that he's willing to risk his own personal freedom - which means leaving his beloved baby brother - to keep him.

Speaking of which, I didn't mention this last ep but I am glad it was way more about Captain Chris blackmailing Kant and threatening to take him away from baby bro that made him reluctantly take the case. Not just because it's less dumb than the novel but also because it both gives Kant a reason for reluctance but also a reason to feel like he can't back out. Stakes, man!

I also said this before too but I kind of love the way he digs for info from Bison? Like it's all OTT flirting most of the time and then just these casual little questions while he clocks the way that Bison diverts the subject whenever he gets too close to something he shouldn't - maybe I'm giving him too much credit here. We'll see. But I will say that I like that seem pretty evenly matched, in a lot of ways. I may not be feeling their "romance' right now but I am enjoying how well they match each other - no one is going to be bored here.

They're interesting, I'll give 'em that.

[choshasan]

Let's talk Fictosexuality and Science for a sec

I previously pisted this on Hoyolab, several weeks ago, but I felt like tumblr needed to hear it too after looking through the #animesexual tag and seing so much uneducated hate.

First of all, Fictosexuality is the attraction to Exclusively **OR** almost exclusively fictional character, and it has many subbranches, that even I myself don't know all of them, and it falls under the umbrealla terms of Asexuality and Aromantism.

My original post from Hoyolab, corrected as best I could:

Fun science fact: a study proved that your brain cannot, in fact, tell apart the feelings you feel for a fictional character, to those you would feel a real human, Other studies have proved that it could be easier to get attached to a character rather than a real human as it is easier to get to know them and know them deeper than you would a real person, (the way they think, their full day to day routine, etc.) Therefore, yes. Scientifically speaking, you could, in fact, 100% fall in love with a fictional character, and it's not being delusional, that's just your brain and emotions working the normal way they should be!

Some of the replies I felt should be brought up:

Reply: I think some of the problem here is that, in English, we only have one word for love & a lot of native English speakers don't understand our single word is actually a spectrum of every type of love that exists; and that a person can feel some types of love without having another person reciprocate those feelings. Combine that lack of understanding with the need to be the winner of any disagreement, and you get people like the ones in this comment section who are saying you're wrong without giving any explanation for their opinion.

>

Me: Yeah, I can 100% see that. I also feel like theres this wrong mentality that a lot of people have been tought that "you HAVE to find THE one and only for you! You MUST find your ONE TRUE LOVE!" When love is totally just a spectrum and that is different for everyone. Semi-unrelated but I also feel thats where the argument that AroAce folks aren't real started from. Because people are just so convinced that everyone just has a one true love and that they'll get their one true love with no work// doing the bare minimum.

There was more replies I wanted to bring up, but filtering through over 600 comments is very hard, espetially when the hoyolab app lags, sorry.

I have so much more I wanna say on the topic because it is a topic that fascinates me, espetially as someone who identifies with Animesexuality and has found great comfort and peace in this lable.

Also, there are some people who would make the counter arguments "Fictional characters aren't a gender"

No, they are not, but you can be Gay/sapphic/lesbian/bi/pan/omni/etc. + Fictosexual.

It's as if saying you can't be aromantic but be attracted to [gender] sexualy. (Or the other way around)

People don't need to limit themselves to one and only one lable, you can be Gay Aromantic, Bi Asexual, for examples and so many more.

Another argument often made is "you can't be attracted to an innanimate object"

... they're not an object, an object needs a physical form to be, first of all.

Second, a character is a representation of a fictive **PERSON** not a fictive Object, they are real humans//creatures, they just don't have a "real physical form".

There's also the "They're not real".

They aren't real human beings that you can touch physically, they are "real". they are created characters that can be percieved, they just don't have a real, touchable physical form, but saying something isn't "real" because it's not an existing person / object on this earth is like saying Air or Gravity doesn't exist because you can't see it with your eyes. They can't be seen but they can be percieved and they are proven to exist. Plus, "they aren't real" they have been created, yes they are. Again, just not under a physical form, do you look at someone painting a landscape and say "it's not real." Because it's painted??? It can be percieved by the human mind therefore it is real in a form or another.

TL;DR: Fictosexuality is a real, science supported even (in a way), sexuality.

Some links to help better understand // further understand;

[starguardianniom]

Greetings fellow Billy Enjoyer~ I wanted to say that I love your long essays collecting the little bits and pieces of information we got on our Billy bOi :D

Majority of my friends play HSR or Genshin and my friends who do play ZZZ are usually guys who are more after the ladies (and Lycaon but I'm not surprised XD) so I don't usually get the chance to fan girl about my bOi Billy 😭

We are being fed literal CRUMBS about Billy and while I'm glad, I am starving 😭, though I am of the belief that Billy is much MUCH more important than what we are currently led to believe atm, which is why they are giving us crumbs and the occasional nugget of information as of the moment.

I hope to see more of your essays, as I also pray for more Billy fanfics XD

WHY THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!! T_T <3 <3 <3

Well as a woman who is a lesbian but is bi toward fictional men (XD) I am of course in love with Billy. He single-handedly ended my previous obsession with Baldur's Gate 3 and I seriously have played non stop since august with ZZZ, though that now I have used everything for pulls I am left starving for trying to maybe get Caesar, and I hope to be so freaking lucky for when Miyabi will come.

Rest assured I will continue fangirling about Billy and will make it everyone else's problem on this site. XD

Honestly I find Lycaon just ok, like sorry but after meeting Billy like Lycaon seems to just not look as alive as Billy because Billy is so dynamic as a character that some just don't feel to have the same energy as him, and the guy is a robot yet he feels more human and alive than some people I know. Extra ironic about Lycaon I don't have him but I got his W-engine yesterday when trying to get Caesar so I'm like "but I don't even have you what the ehll do you want me to do with your w-engine???"

Yeah we are fed, also found more background on him while doing a commission in the Outer Ring yesterday, I'll post that later today once I'm back from work. ^^ I mean dude is a freaking android made of lost technology and it seems nobody cares, or well the ones that do are people looking to dismantle him or sell him or use him as a weapon.

I am still legit miffed that he doesn't have an Agent Story yet, maybe one day all agents will have one, hopefully, maybe.

Currently I am running after Caesar because she just casually drops info on Billy that I need so bad and either my character doesn't press further or seems to want to diss him and I'm banging my head on my wall to make the game stop insulting my boy. I legit wish now that I played as Wise instead of Belle a bit but on PS5 I tried everything and I can't switch to Wise when walking around, dunno if that comes later with the last part of Cheesetopia or if it's gonna be with Burnice.

Oh worry not essays and headcanons are coming, just that they take over an hour to write. XD But I don't have school or homework, just work because I'm 30 years old and said work doesn't requires me to bring anything work related back at home at all so I can just unwind and write my ramblings and observations and just me fangirling. XD

Now I'm currently trying to get everyone leveled up to level 60, and so far Billy is the most leveled up at level 47 because I legit used all the things I had to level up Jane, Seth, Lucy and Piper, my dude Anton is only at level 20 and I don't need Koleda so she's staying at level 1 (legit miffed to have gotten her instead of Nekomata I wanted the entire Cunning Hares faction dammit!)

Did some other pulls yesterday, gave me 1 Piper and 1 Anby. So currently I have Billy M2, Seth M2, Anton M2, Anby M5, Nicole M1, Ben M0, Jane M0, Lucy M1, Piper M1, Corin M4, Soukaku M6. I also got Piper's engine twice.

Also bought Amillion because I kind of legit did pretty much everything with Billy, Nicole and Anby so. XD

I also have tons of headcanons about Billy... that keep changing each time we get new info on him because it pretty much destroys what I mentally pictured so I have to adjust and I'm even more motivated after that. XD

Feel free to come chatting more about Billy. Love Billy squad unite. I'll answer once I'm home and can finally get in front of my computer.

[whimsyduck]

learning about your hypermobility as an adult as frustrating as being diagnosed as audhd as an adult also.

at least i can blame the patriarchy on my late autism diagnosis. I have had doctors tell me I cant be autistic because I'm a woman. that I am far to intelligent to be hyperactive. it's not my fault I sometimes have a photographic memory and can ace exams like what about how I never did my homework and my friends would snapchat me every morning to make sure I remembered my school supplies and my textbooks and keys. I literally only survived adolescence due my great memory and my friends willing to parent me. my single mom was working dawn to dusk. my teachers didn't care as long as I aced my exams. they never said anything when I would skip classes to meltdown in the toilets. how the school councillor knew I was struggling but as he had no proper training, said I was only emotional because of my hormones. he literally let me use his office as a crying room multiple times a week but never once questioned I might need to checked psychologically.

how about when I took a darn ton of pills one day but regretted a half hour later so I rushed to him. I was crying too hard and he couldn't understand so he told me to come back when I could tell him what was wrong and that he was busy and not my father??

how about how my brother caught me cutting and gave me a disgusted look and never told anyone?

how my grandfather told me I was overreacting and nothing was wrong in my life so I trauma dumped about a SA I experienced as a kid so he would believe me that I wasnt overreacting? only to be hospitalised and medicated with lithium and loxapine?

sure the psych ward cured my suicidal tendencies, self harm and substance abuse but when I tried to bring up potentially getting diagnosed with ADHD or ASD they told me I was a woman so it was unlikely. Or how I was an adult so they would have diagnosed me as a child if it were really true.

Ugh.

Leaving the hospital was the best thing I ever did. Sure they kicked me out due to COVID and how I didn't have insurance anymore but I got off the sedatives and found someone to diagnose me with ADHD. She diagnosed within an hour of meeting me. I asked about autism, she again said I was a woman and too old. I let it go.

Concerta changed my life. I was functioning for the first time in my life. It was like growing up in a room full of Chainsmokers and being teleported to a human free mountain. I could finally breathe.

My psychiatrist then retired to stay with her kids. She was giving therapy free as I had no insurance and pitied me.

I spiraled.

I got better using CBT textbooks.

I used GOV.uk to learn the important things adults should know. I googled and I learned and it was like I was finally aging. Like I had been trapped at 9 years old. Trapped as the little girl my step dad SAed. But finally I was maturing emotionally. I was no longer hiding in sedatives. Substances. Alcohol. Sex with men I'm not attracted to, only to get high off their validation. I was me.

I realised who I actually was. No more pretending. No masking.

And all of a sudden, everyone is asking me if I'm autistic and not in an insulting way. (I asked hehe.) They're telling me to get tested. I'm using guides for autistic women and they're working. I'm embracing my true self. I'm realising I'm a lesbian who no longer needed the patriarchal validation of men. (technically Im still attracted to fictional characters but tbh they're so much hotter when you pretend theyre masc lesbians like niklaus as a viking goddess omg)

I accept that I am probably autistic. my self love improves.

I discover that no one else gets pains worse than muscle cramps in their hands when writing...

WHAT!?

no one else gets pain in their hands so bad they literally can't move their fingers? I always assumed my fingers pains were because i didn't write enough like my finger muscles were atrophied and needed to be exercised. NOPE

i have had to literally take five minute breaks in my exams because my fingers are cramping like your legs would after a marathon. I assumed I was a wimp. NOPE.

I learn about hypermobility and its correlation to audhd. everything fits. I stop doing yoga to cure my back pain. I change my writing style.

HOW MANY THINGS THAT WERE WRONG WITH ME COULD HAVE BEEN FIXED IF SOMEONE CARED ENOUGH TO PAY ATTENTION!??

WHY AM I WAITING UNTIL ADULTHOOD TO LEARN HUMAN SOCIAL RULES

WHY ISNT THERE A BOOK TO EXPLAIN ADULTHOOD AND HUMAN NEEDS AND KNOWLEDGE?

I cant ask my dad. hes a cloud of dust smelling faintly of cocaine. my brother is an incel. my mum is a kicked puppy who never learned how to live without male validation. i love them all but they aren't exactly the most psychologically stable. It's like they use me as an excuse as to why they don't need psychiatric treatment. They say they're not suicidal and suddenly that means they're fine?

ugh

TLDR: it's frustrating to see how society has failed me and now it's up to me as an adult to learn how to be human

[maxzinn]

Damn why is the HSR fandom becoming way worse than genshin? And whenever there is any controversy aventurine is always somehow involved like leave my boy alone 😭

I'm a cis straight woman okay and no matter which fandom i interact with they always look down on me and assume shit about me even though i try to be nothing but understanding I have had so many tell me that I can't like a certain male character romantically because he is only for the boys/gays. Even like when you tell them you like a certain game/franchise/anime/singer or band they're like 'you have to be queer for liking this' and for some reason they try to convince me that I'm queer even though I'm not and they think that me being cis and straight makes me 'basic' and 'boring' I love jjba, Nana, Castlevania, Final Fantasy, Hsr and genshin impact but literally every fandom I've been is filled with a bunch of judgemental pricks which is sad because I was so excited to talk about my interests :( at first i thought they were being like that because I'm asian but then i realised it's because of my 'basic and boring' sexual and gender identity

and for some reason when I tell them that I'm cis straight they immediately assume I'm a white privileged woman (like i said I'm literally Asian) and i haven't struggled a day in my life which isn't true at all it's so ignorant to assume all of this about me just based off my sexual and gender identity and when I try to speak up they tell me that they're just 'giving me the taste of my own medicine' like what??? What does that even mean?? I'm not even homophobic i come from a conservative country and family but I have done proper research and educated myself on this topic and i treat everyone with respect so why can't they also be decent human beings and respect me too? I still try to be understanding but I can't stand the air of superiority among these people and they're usually under the age of 25 too because other queer people I have interacted with who are older than me don't behave pathetically like these people

(sorry this was so long you can ignore it if you want and sorry if my english is bad it's not my first language 😭 anyways I hope you have a good day/afternoon/night)

(This post is also long sorry hehe)

No cuz for real, it’s getting way more annoying in the fandom (no offense) and it’s even worse on twitter and hoyolab.

In my opinion, I think the toxicity mainly starts with people forcing to everybody that every character in hsr is queer coded and all that stuff. I keep seeing all that posts and comments that this certain character is “implied” which is not true??? It makes me wonder if they even know what the word “implied” means, cuz it basically/indirectly means that it’s canon.

I’m so done with those posts that claims “robin is lesbian and girlkisser so gtfo men” like stfu?

If you have seen the replies on tuonto’s twitter post, there’s like a LOT of people saying that. Like, hc her as lesbian if you want but DONT act like it’s canon and stop forcing your hcs on other people pls.

And when others reply to them saying that it isn’t canon and that they shouldn’t force it, they just straight up say that those people are “homophobic and lesphobic”.

I have no problems with gay/lesbian ships cuz I support all ships equally (except the illegal and problematic ones), but these delulu people are ruining it for the fandom tbh.

It’s funny that being straight/cis is seen as basic and boring now. And that part where you’re being forced to be queer is funny af 😭 are they ill?

You can like all the male characters that you like, none of them have canon sexualities and they’re certainly not canonically gay. If some person says that you shouldn’t like a certain male character cuz they’re only for the boys… then they’re ill, don’t listen to those bs.

It’s so weird that people now argue and force a sexuality onto fictional characters and just assume a certain character’s sexuality based on stereotypes (like aventurine for example) then claims that they’re a queer representation when said “representation” is just based on stereotypes.

It’s weird that a character’s sexuality matters so much when it doesn’t even matter that much, just enjoy the game and the plot? Stop projecting yourself onto them, they’re their own person and they have their own personality. They have nothing to do with your sexuality. And most of all… they’re literally PIXELS

And pls, liking a certain franchise doesn’t reflect anything on your sexuality. You can be a straight woman and like drag shows, you can be a straight woman and like BL and GL. Men can be straight and love skincare, men can be straight and like fashion/makeup. ITS NOT THAT HARD TO UNDERSTAND?? Just stop stereotyping people 💀

[whatcouldpossiblyhappen]

I collect books. Two or three at a time, every couple months, whatever fits the budget. I want to read things written by women. Queer people. Trans people. Lesbians. Gay folks. I want to hold all of these beautiful books in my hands like I'm cherishing the conversation, and it honestly feels like a gift to be able to cradle these stories. I really and truly love it. I look over at my bookshelf to see lifeworks from people scattered all over the world, spanning generations, religions, and mindsets. I've brought them back in my luggage, found them online, in airports, library sales, and in dusty old stores where the keeper of the books is as creaky as the floorboards.

There's largely a common theme on these shelves; all of my bookshelf-people have consciously crafted their lives to be outside of standard-issue expectations. They live colorfully, openly when they can. Some have to be secret and choose to find other queerfolk in secret. Some have written under pseudonyms, so they can create their own world where they can be safe and loved. They live as much of their truth as they are able to.

My little gay library has slowly grown over the years. It was secret for me at first, too-- tiny magazine clippings I'd hide in the middle of church approved biographies about missionaries. Amelia Earhart was one of those first clippings, mostly because she was cute as heck and also an Adventurer. My ten year old mind could think of no higher calling. Looking back it seems like she'd be easily deniable as a gay crush. Look, mom...a historical figure! But in all of my blushing flustered thoughts, that picture would have shown my parents that I was one of those fruity people. The sinners, you know the kind.

These last couple years have me feeling like it's awfully important to hold these books dear. This past 2024 election and these outrageous, egregious actions by the people in the US government have underscored that feeling for me. Media and AI can so easily change stories around to whatever narrative best suits those in positions of power. Books (specifically print books) are tangibly *here*. We can share them. We can offer them to each other and not worry so much if a filter has replaced someone's face.

Books are human-made and fallible, sure. Sometimes they have outdated opinions. But they give us historical touchstones on where people have gone before, so that we can guide ourselves through this new landscape with better understanding. They offer fully fledged discussion that goes deep into people's thoughts, rather than a quick thirty seconds of an abbreviated idea. Fiction and sci-fi offer us possibilities. They help us to feel immersed in worlds that could be true. The idea of hope is so important to foster, because it's the spark that ends up fueling how I functionally live my life. Books give me a little mangrove nursery where I can help that spark of hope grow just a bit brighter.

I wrote that last night, and then woke up this morning to read about someone in Syracuse who wasn't able to keep going. They died wrapped in a trans flag, on top of a hospital garage. I didn't know them and I don't know you either, dear friend, but this is what I do know; I'm glad you exist. I'm glad you're here and are walking, rolling, or sliding around with all of your differences. Did you know I saw three different queer people at the car dealership the other day, and just seeing them brightened my whole afternoon? We didn't even talk, I just loved that they were there with me, in the same space. I'm glad you're alive, too, even without having met you. These words are all I can offer to you. I know we can't all be in the same room right now, just like we couldn't be on top of that parking garage in Syracuse. But just for a minute, would you imagine we are? We can talk, or not. We can hold hands and curl up together, or not. It doesn't matter to me, really, I just want you to know that I am here with you and you're here with me.

I have no idea what the next four years will look like, but if you see a tall quiet butch walking around with a clean fade...ask me what's on my bookshelf. I'd be delighted to share.

Love,

L

[utilitycaster]

I believe you mentioned seeing Love Lies Bleeding - would love to hear your thoughts on it if you have any (and good luck with the car troubles).

It's GREAT. Everyone who is not averse to grievous bodily harm shown on screen go see it. I am not like...terribly up on film just generally; I grew up in a house that limited TV screentime with parents who hate movie theaters so there is a weird cross section of movies I know that is immensely idiosyncratic since I just don't really have a movie-going habit. Also since getting into CR in 2018 it's like. well I don't really have two hours to kill watching movies; I watch 4+ hours of stuff a week and that's plenty. So I cannot speak to things like cinematography, though it did feel well-put together and attractive to look at and all that.

I think the story is solid - nothing groundbreaking except for the fact that usually this is not a story told about queer women that (spoilers) ends with them free and together (more on this later) but it's well done as a neo-noir, the acting is fantastic, and it feels so wonderfully...big and small at the same time? Like, do not get me wrong, I enjoy a blockbuster, but when I think back to the movies I've liked as of late*, Honor Among Thieves is the only one that takes place over a sprawling journey. I guess Barbie, debatably. Like, Love Lies Bleeding is almost entirely in a small town in New Mexico with a brief portion in Vegas or in the immediate surroundings. We are not jetsetting or using green screens. The majority of the film is in a handful of places, the core cast is like 6 people with two significant supporting players. I love this. As someone who leans more towards longer form fiction in general it's just really nice to have something that says "we have under two hours and we are going to embrace having under two hours and tell a story that fucking FITS in under two hours instead of just giving you some weird shard of a Cinematic Universe."

Re the queer women: thank GOD for casting queer women as queer women and probably more importantly having queer women doing things like writing and directing. The sex scenes are great and the relationship feels...I can't say I have the experience of being one of the only queer women in a small town in the late 80s and low-key detesting the one other woman but this all feels so much like. Of course Lou responds like this! This is the first new and fortuitous thing that has happened in her life! U-Haul jokes aside like yeah this is her big chance! It's both their big chances! And honestly until pretty late in the film, because I went in with little info other than "Kristen Stewart and Katy O'Brien bodybuilder lesbian romance crime drama" I expected it to end with one of them dead and the thing is the story works either way, and that feels really great to me, a tragedy enjoyer but also a comedy enjoyer.

Also I love pitch-black humor and this absolutely has that, and I enjoy magical realism when done very sparingly and this is precisely the right amount (if you assume it's magical realism, which I do; I also enjoy ambiguity). Anyway go see a fucked up lesbian and her fucked up bi girlfriend get entangled by ambition, righteous anger, vengeance, limited opportunity, and Ed Harris's skullet and bug obsession.

Finally, a personal anecdote: I saw this at the Alamo Drafthouse and as you may know they do various event screenings. They are showing Twilight: Eclipse for the total solar eclipse. It is HILARIOUS to see a trailer for Twilight: Eclipse (ft. young Kristen Stewart as personality-less girl in love triangle with two guys) before Love Lies Bleeding. talk about a glow-up. Absolutely wild to me that Stewart and Pattinson both ended up as genuinely talented actors with a taste for the unhinged given their breakthrough was Twilight.

[weirdcat1213]

Hi....If you don't mind me asking, can I ask, what are your top 7 favorite media (can be books/ manga/ anime/movies/tv series/etc) and your top 7 favorite (fictional) characters from any media? Why do you love them all? Sorry if you've answered this questions before......

Hello :D

omg i get to yell about things I like, exciting!

first im going to go with my top 7 in no special order cuz I would never be able to decide

Trigun (98, manga and stampede): I've talked WAY to much about this one but holy shit has impacted my life. The story, the characters, the pain THE SWEET SWEET PAIN MY GOD. It just mixes a lot of tropes/themes I really like. And we have 3 versions of it! How cool is that?

Steven Universe: again another classic. Discovered the show when I was young and it just grabbed my soul. Very formative and influential while I was growing up. So soft and p a i n f u l l as all thins should be :3. Plus the music is a banger. Like to this day ik songs from it. Favorite one is change btw.

Legend series (book series): no one paid attention to this series because it came out the same time as divergent and hunger games and other big titles. But I was! And it's still one of the best book series I've ever read. It totally has the 2013-2015 vibes (except for the latest one in the series, rebel) but it's....honest. not only because all the struggles in the book are real but also because the author really believes in her characters. She created them but also let them become people. Plus the writing is amazing and her description of specific moments and emotions UGH I have a huge post about it because of how cool it is. I still remember opening the first book and getting SLAPPED by the first line. Yes it's that good.

Signalis: newish game :D saw lesbians, saw violence and I was on board but I never thought the game would make me think and stare at the wall that much. So far I've played it 5 times and going for a 6th. It's so abstract and no one can decide on what's true or not but that's part of its beauty. Really clever and interesting game. Nothing is real, only lesbians with guns.

Our Flag Means Death: cool show that was about queer NOT IN THEIR TEENAGE YEARS??? IN THIS ECONOMY??? AND NOT ABOUT AIDS (sorry pose I still love you). Of course it won me over because of the queerness but also the characters themselves. It was nice to see myself in a lot of them, personality and racially wise. The fun gay pirates came to my house, destroyed my life and also gave me life. Easy as that.

Pose fx: don't like the main writer of the show too much but the rest of them ATE WITH THIS. A story about black queer woman PORTRAYED BY BLACK QUEER WOMEN. It deals with the aids crisis through the lenses of trans women and gay men but the thing in that show that blew me away was the love for femininity and the community they created around it. They actually took their abandoned and traumatized selves and became someone. They formed families that actual give support and I'm a sucker for found family. I've cried many times because I wanted Blanca to adopt me. 10/10 show about overcoming shit circumstances and the importance of community. What if I cried again.

Houseki no Kuni (manga and anime): weird manga that I've been following for YEARS because its so fucking good. The anime is beautiful and captivating af and honestly the whole thing needs to be analyzed by a Buddhist. it makes me want to learn about that religion so i can understand more. but yeah its sad, its hype, and once again its about gay rock MMM my favorite. you dont know the hours i spent looking for videos/animatic about it. hard to explain but i like to describe it as "human growth: the manga/anime"

Maybe it seems like I don't watch many movies and it's kinda true! I'm more of a shows person. but there are movies i like. maybe another day

Now onto my favorite characters but again I can't decide so this is in no special order. Also because I can't decide I'm giving the spotlight to characters that are not from the media mentioned above (for example if you dont see vash in here is because i yell about him enough like. 3 times minimum per month). Because I can. Because I'm normal about media and stories i like.

1.Steven (su): MY BOY MY MOON AND STARS. ok a lot of this list is about characters i relate to, but this one is the og. this mf is one of the kindest, awesome yet misunderstood characters of all time. theres so much rage and trauma in this little guy but there are many other feelings that get lowkey explored in the main show until BOOM the emotions explode in su future. its amazing how complex my son is. im so lucky that i got to grow up along side him in a way. and in another way it was nice to see myself kinda represented in him? fun times.

2.Tifa (ffvii): PRETTY RECENT BUT SHES THE COOLEST. ejem sorry. i love cloud, zach and the others from the game but tifa doesnt get the recognition she deserves. she survived so many tragedies and became stronger because of it. not only in body but also in mind. however she also became cautious and tries to not explode in front of others. she tries to be a safe place for people, even when shes scared. i think thats pretty admirable of her. i would say more but i dont want to risk spoiling the game but there are little moments and scenes where she just tries to be there for people because she has no one in her life anymore and fuck it makes me sad. also shes pretty hot-

3.Elektra (pose): MY QUEEN. shes just. evil sometimes. shes really a bitch to most of the characters but DAMN SHES COOL WHEN SHE IS. elektra knows she was born with a huge disadvantage in life so she grabs power like a mf and bites it. i kinda aspire to be that, to not let anyone get in my way. she just really speaks to the part of me that has bigger ambitions. but shes also smart and caring (when shes not being a bitch) and every time the world puts her down she stands up and kicks the world again. she's the power of femininity itself and yes i also think shes hot (i mean look at those cheeks of thunder) but shes like a fucking storm in a person and how i can not love that? We love poc people in power.

4.Phos (houseki no kuni): This fucking child (they're a child in my eyes) is so important to me for weird reasons. I got deep into hnk when I was in my sabbatical year. It was a time where I didn't know where I would go and phos seemed to be in a similar place. To this day it surprises me how ichikawa managed to create a "simple" character and then by all definitions made them human. I like their journey, the transformations they went through, the stages they went to cope or to confront their situation. Plus the design is pretty affff

5.Edward Teach (ofmd): I just.....really connected with this guy ok? The feeling of always being at the bottom so if you are going to rise your only option is to make people fear you but that's not true BOY HE LEFT NO CRUMBS WITH THAT WHOLE THING. he was just really cool when he entered the show and then it was "oh this guy is really fucked up actually" and he's so funny and MORE OLD POC QUEERS? FUCK YEAH. but i guess what puts him on top for me is how he explored himself and his needs. All that while being funny and tragic and gay. Really cool.

6.Anthy (revolutionary girl utena): MY DAUGHTER RRRRAAAAHHH. Anthy is a really tragic and complex character. to this day i cannot put together every reason why shes my favorite from utena. Shes tragic and my god the things she goes through break my heart every time I think about it but...shes also incredibly strong and funny and a weird keeping animals in her room. The creators did an excellent job showing her lack of agency and how she already had given up, but also showed her humanity and wish to retain things in her life that gave her joy. And movie anthy? That girl is a no nonsense girl. She will get her girlfriend no matter what from the people who abused her. She left that fucking school as a mature, smart and kind adult. We fucking stan.

7. Richard (requiem of the rose king): another recent acquired son. Idk why this one hit so much and honestly for how short the manga is (79 chapters) they did such a good job with him???? Banger themes and metaphors, banger character moments, banger GENDER moments. I've seen a few people not being able to take him seriously but idk, ir sounded honest and serious to me. A kid who has been told since birth they were a demon became one to survive but not really. Because no one with his wish can fully be a demon. Idk maybe it's cheesy but his quest for love and acceptance was a banger in my eyes (please read the manga. We can leave the anime behind). Also I like him cuz he's cool and is a character I CAN ACTUALLY COSPLAY THANK GOD-

AND THOSE ARE SOME CHARACTERS AND SOME PIECES OF MEDIA I LIKE :D IF ANYONE WANTS MORE PLS ASK.