#I can't even do push ups so that strikes me as unfair that I would make them do it

[thatuselesshuman]

My form of retribution towards kids that annoy me are making them do (half) burpies and army crawls under the guise of a game

Only down side is I have to do them too or else they won't do them

[pandorasfavorite]

Can you do Braty sub Dominik x Dom reader

Lesson Learned

AN: when he

Dominik loved making you mad, in his opinion you looked the hottest when you were pissed off at him.

He was looking at her the entire time she walked past him, and when she said hi to him; he had the nerve to smile and strike up a conversation. When he left you had to say something, "You think that was cute?".

"Did you think it was cute?", he quips back.

"You need to watch your mouth", you look at him with challenge behind your words. How would Dominik choose to act today? You see him thinking of how he wanted to respond, and of course, his lips move into a grin and he replies, "You're just jealous". Your eyes snap to his and your face is one of anger. "The fuck did you say to me?", you walk towards him confidently, while your eyes squinted and face screwed up in anger. Even if it was true that you were jealous, Dominik had no business trying to embarrass you and make you jealous at that. You put a hand on his chest and you push him back against the wall roughly (just the way he likes it).

"You want her?", you grit at him. Your gaze is so intense Dominik felt like he could've shrunk, "No" he exhaled. You grabbed him by the chin and made sure he was making direct eye contact with you, "then sit down and keep your eyes to yourself". He nods with wide eyes, but his hand twitches to touch your waist and bring you closer to him. You break into a small smile at the victory, and you look Dominik up and down like he was a meal. His arms were big and put on display for you in the black outfit that was your absolute favorite. You let go of his face to instead put your hands on his arms, you squeeze the muscles of his arms and grin. Those were all yours; then you remember his wandering gaze. Your face hardens again and your grip on his arms accidentally tightens. You let go; but not before giving Dominik another glace and turning around to finish watching the other matches before yours.

-------------------------------------------------

It was his smart mouth that led him to where he was now. Laid back on the bed, one handcuffed to the pole of the bed, and his body completely exposed why you still had a bra and panties on.

At the flick of your hand on his cock he writhed underneath you, "This isn't fair", he huffs and whines; his hips jolting up to match your strokes. You squeeze around the base of his cock to hear his throaty groans, "Yea? What's unfair about this?", you taunt him with the question. "Your clothes", he grunts and pants; only to look down at you, "they're still on" he manages to get out. You hum in acknowledgment; slowing down your movements; "I think that's the least of your problems". You lean down to spit on his cock; only to stroke him at a relentless pace to the point Dominik moans and groans as well as pulling on the cuff.

His hips stutter and he's close to cumming, therefore you don't stop. Relishing in the sounds of him chanting out your name; then finally his cum leaks out of his cock and down onto himself. Dominik is panting heavily with his eyes closed; trying to enjoy the after-effects of the feeling. Only for that to be taken away from him, soon after you kiss the tip of his cock and you slip him inside of your mouth. The wet feeling was enough to overstimulate Dominik like crazy. If your mouth wasn't already enough, your hand on the base of his cock twisting and tugging drove him crazy. His groan got loud and he began whining, he was overstimulated so bad to the point of tears. His eyes got glossy and his body was lifting off the bed towards your mouth, but he'd also move away from you right after.

"Mami, Mami, please baby. Mami aah-Ahh f-fuck", he whined and begged. The more you touched him the worse his pleads got and tears began to fall down his handsome face. "I can't I can't, s' hurts mami please, hurts", his body moves further up the bed to escape you. And when he was least expecting it his hips spazzed and his cock twitched as he came for the second time. He heaved out big breathes and threw his head back; he was so exhausted to the point sweat was forming on his body. "Learn your lesson yet?", you just barely brush your thumb over the tip of his sensitive cock. "nng fuck, fuck yes mami just please stop~", he begs you.

[chocolatespringonion]

Won't it be funny if we imagine characters from The Boys in a high school AU? Since I'm a Homelander x Hughie shipper I would write it Hughlander-centric (Is this really the name of our ship? XD)

I was thinking something along the lines of Homelander/John is the hottest jock in school, athletic, and quite smart too since he was homeschooled before. Surprisingly despite his history of being someone who attended homeschooling, he was socially adept. He would smile and even earned a place with the popular kids, he was even their leader.

As the number 1 in highschool, John definitely knew how to indulge, he dated all the cheerleaders and even slept with them but once the girls had their dreams of dating the most popular kid in school come true, they were treated like garbage the next day because John would lose interest in them immediately. This kind of behavior didn't even earn John a bad reputation, it was the rest of the school who ridiculed the girls who would claim the unfair treatment. In the student body's eyes, John could do no wrong.

Then one day there was a transfer student named Becca, she was beautiful and smart. She was the top of her class in her previous school and the teachers bet she would be too in Vought High.

John who had his eyes on her already calculated a plan on how to bed the brilliant transfer student. Oddly enough, everytime he tried to strike a conversation with her, a mop of messy brown hair would interrupt their conversation and take her away, it would be another day before John would see Becca again. He was angry, no, furious with how he's being cockblocked.

When he saw the familiar mop haired bastard by the lockers he slammed his hand hard on the lockers, surprising the poor kid. He couldn't help but to doubt his intimidating presence because the kid was clearly taller than John, "I noticed you've been hanging out around Becca lately." John tried to appear as friendly as he could, even with his insincere smile. "You see, I'm interested in Becca and really want to date her so can you stop lingering around her like a fly?"

The taller boy scoffed, "You only want to sleep with her then leave her like all the previous girls you dated. I've been watching the way you treated those poor girls and it's disgusting. I couldn't do anything back then but now I won't let you do the same to Becca. So, no, I wont. Becca deserves better."

It was the first time John met someone who challenged him directly as everyone else was too scared of him to do so. But this kid who glared at him with eyes of pure disgust sent shivers down his spine. He was used to dealing with obedient sheeps, it was the first time he dealt with a feisty one.

The kid pushed away John's arm and excused himself, "Keep your hands to yourself for once in your life."

John was left dumbfounded as he watched the boy walked away. After he regained his mind, he looked at the bystander who watched the whole thing and asked, "Who the fuck was that guy?"

The bystander, intimidated by John yelled out, "T-That's H-Hughie Campbell. P-Please don't hurt me..." He ran away.

John muttered the name with his lips. Hughie Campbell. He noticed the kid sometimes, odd one among the bunch, quiet, probably sits in the loser's table.

A glimpse of Hughie's disgusted eye appeared in John's mind. The boy really intrigued him.

"I can't wait to wipe that expression off his face."

The imagine of Hughie's distorted expression, hatred combined with powerlessness as John put him in his place itched in his heart.

But how will he do it?

In the end:

John : You bastard, who gave you permission to talk to that no-name bitch? *menacingly*

Hughie: Wha–?

John : He's mine. Get your hands off. *glares at Robin*

Hughie : Since when am I yours?

John : Since you riled me up and left me blue-balled every chance you get.

John : *cornering Hughie* Now you need to take responsibility.

[hyperfixation-or-death]

13 for the writing ask !

ooh, okay, so-!

song 13 on the playlist was Six Hundred Strike from Epic the Musical! so. the lyric i chose was:

look what you turned me into / look what we've become

and, taking it completely out of context, the lyric inspired angsty post-canon Deslandes brothers introspection from Sam's perspective, vaguely resembling a character study. <3

(currently undecided on whether this oneshot actually matches my view of the characters, but. y'know what? headcanons are fluid and ever-changing, characterization is relative, writing style is ever-evolving, and also the two cakes metaphor especially applies to this fandom because we are very hungry. so i'm probably fine. <3)

Victor is lying on Sam's bed, arms wrapped around the pillow that his chin is resting on. Their parents are asleep, and Sam would also probably be asleep, except apparently Victor is a lot more open to sincere conversation when he's half-awake, and Sam hadn't been about to pass on the opportunity to actually talk about what the other timeline had been like.

A lot of what Victor is saying, though, he had already known. Or guessed.

They all knew those four years had been awful for Victor and Romane; the details Victor could remember only solidified that.

There's a lull in the conversation as Victor starts running out of things to say.  Sam's mind starts wandering.

He thinks about Victor leaning into every hug and affectionate nudge some days, like he's still trying to stave off the lingering remnants of loneliness. Like it's a chill that never left him, leaving Sam to watch his little brother cling to any warmth he can get his hands on. And it hurts to notice, but it's still so much better than the days when Victor shies away from touch altogether, pulling back from the others and shrugging someone's hand off his shoulder quickly enough to vaguely resemble a flinch. When he's all visible tension and unspoken anxiety and that barely hidden mistrust of his own hands that Sam knows he can't be the one to point out if they ever want Victor to actually talk about it.

And he thinks that maybe he understands a little bit of it. The wanting something so badly you feel like you're freezing to death when you don't get it. It's physical contact for Victor, and it's verbal affection for Sam. And he knows that wishing his parents would tell him he was doing good outside of when they were using it against Victor wasn't the same as the four years of grief and isolation that his brother went through; he would never try and say that. It just…feels more unfair some days than others.

And knowing how much you could hurt people if you don't do everything right. He thinks he might understand some of that, too. Because, yeah, Victor had the powers. Victor had the tangible risk of losing control. Victor had the dead older brother in a universe that wasn't theirs and never would be.

And Sam had Victor. Sam had their parents. Sam had the careful line to walk and walk well, because messing up meant that no one would be making sure their parents were being fair to Victor. And then everything would get worse, and Victor might slip out of his reach again, wrapped up in the hurt and resentment and every single ugly feeling that only his family ever really seemed to bring out of him. And just the thought of that made him feel sick to his stomach with guilt and anxiety and a little bit of frustration.

Sometimes - a lot of times, he wondered if their parents even liked Victor. They loved them both, he was sure, but- that was a completely different thing, wasn't it?

Victor nudges his shoulder, breaking him out of his thoughts. "You know what sucks?"

"What?"

"They don't know. They don't know what they did to me, or what I almost did to you, or- any of it. They can't be sorry if it never…never happened. Y'know?"

Slowly, Sam nods. "Yeah. Do you think-" He falters, because what he wants to say is Do you think it'd fix anything if they were sorry? And he's pretty sure that's pushing too far even for the quiet openness that's somehow settled between them tonight. So, instead, he asks, "Do you think they'd be sorry if they knew?"

Victor shrugs, the movement harsh and immediate. "I don’t know. I don't think I care anymore."

Sam hums in acknowledgement, and thinks about how the last time he cried was a few days ago, after smoothing down the starts of an argument over Victor's grades during dinner. (His grades were fine now; their parents had clearly been about to accuse him of cheating before Sam interjected.) He thinks about ducking away to his room and locking the door, about shaking from the tension of all the anxiety building up inside him. He thinks about burying his face in a pillow until the burning tears stopped trying to escape.

And he wonders how much of Victor not caring anymore is him just being tired of caring, and how much is him feeling like he can't care about it after everything that happened. Wonders if Victor might be scared of his own head as much as he's scared of his powers, and if it's really all the same kind of fear.

He turns all of it around in his head for a few long moments. Then he decides that if Victor wants to be cautious about letting himself be angry now that he has destructive time-acceleration powers directly linked to his emotions, that's fine. Sam can be the one to hold onto the anger for a while.

And maybe it would fix things if their parents knew what had happened, if they were sorry. But, then again- they've looked at him and Victor since they got their memories back. Straight at them, and they didn’t see anything worth being concerned over.

He wishes they would, though. Wishes they would look at them and see everything that had happened to their sons. Everything they had become while their parents weren't looking.

Sam lets his head fall back onto the pillow with a quiet sigh.

Neither of them say anything else that night.

(anyways Sam being 14 years old and pushed into having a really unhealthy level of influence over his parent's decisions concerning Victor was Not good for Sam's emotional well-being post-canon. and that's the hill i'll die on. well, actually, since no one really cares enough to disagree with me on this, it's the hill that i'll stay alive on forever. i cannot be killed.)

thanks so much for the ask!! hope you have a great day!! :)

[talxe]

Reading the Iliad, Book 12 thoughts

This is my first time ever reading it and I know next to nothing abt greek mythology so if I interpret anything wrong by all means pls correct me

Im reading the Robert Fagles translation

Picking up directly from where the last book left off. Patroclus is still helping Eurpylus with his leg

Everyone is still fighting but things aren't looking like they are going to end well

Especially since the Acheans did not make an offering to the gods when building their little wall thing

The wars kinda at a stalemate rn. Nothing changes until Achilles stops sulking, Hector dies, and Troy falls. Those are the major pieces on the board and the game can't continue if they don't move

The Trojans are pushing the Greeks back toward their wall and ditch

Polydamas tells Hector that they can't attack properly with the horses (who are scared of the ditch) so everyone needs to dismount and go on foot

Hector loves this idea

Hector splits his forces into 5 groups and puts Paris of all people in charge of one group LMAO

Hector and Polydamas, Paris, Helenus, Aeneas, and Sarpedon and Glaucus are all in charge of these groups

One man decides that he actually really doesn't want to leave his horses and fuck what Hector said he going to bring his horses anyway

This bozo leads his men to the side of the Greek camp and ends up getting spotted by the Greeks and having rocks thrown at them.

AND THEN THIS GUY SHOUTS UP A ZEUS AND CALLS HIM A LAIR FOR PROMISING VICTORY????

Hector told you to leave the fucking horses for a reason dumbass. I was half expecting Zeus to strike him down there and then

Hector is trying to find the best way to go abt storming the Greek camp

While he's doing that Zeus sends him a sign in the form of an eagle flying above head with a bloody snake in its talons. The snake bites the eagle causing it to drop it on the ground, still alive.

Polydamas is shitting himself and says "We need to leave now bc the gods are 100% NOT fucking with us today"

Hector is pissed that Polydamas would even suggest not attacking today.

So they attack

The Greeks from on top of the wall throw rocks at the Trojans (how big are these damn rocks??)

So the two Ajax rally people to keep warding off the Trojan advance

Sarpedon (Zeus's son) getting a battle-hunger boost from his dad and he is ready to fuck shit up

Menestheus sees Sparedon approaching with his Lycians and sends someone to go get the Ajax's like NOW

Ajax (greater) leaves with Tuecer to help Menestheus

Being an absolute unit Ajax picks up this giant ass rock and throws it a Sarpedons bestie.

And the rock ends up shattering his skull and killing him

Tuecer shoots Glaucus in the back I think and Glaucus is like "What the fuck, man?"

He also tries to shoot Sparedon but Zeus blocks it bc this is the most unfair bananas ass war ever.

Like why tf are you using cheat codes rn????

Sarpedon gets his boys to come back him up.

Glaucus has to leave for obvious reasons

Men on both sides are dying

Hector throws a rock and the gate of a Greek camp and the. wall. come. crashing. down.

A rock.....shatters their defenses

And Hector ls like "😀 It's open guys."

The Trojans are told to set the Greek boats on fire

[chussyracing]

f1 news and rumours to keep us in shape during the winter break:

apparently Fred didn't want Charles to risk p2 in the race and his own position in the standings with the brave move he did to grt the team p2 in constructors

points are calculated and with them also entrance fees which for red bull for next year equals a huge amount of 7.4 mil

Merc team found the missing wedding ring in Yas Marina, congrats!

everyone heard the story about how Newey almost went to Ferrari (because they offered huge paycheck, a flat in Monaco and complete autonomy over F1 and hypercar projects to him), but I never knew Aston Martin was the key to tying him to Red Bull. Apparently Marko took him to the side at the time, asked what Ferrari offered and then offered more money (which is not what sealed the deal) AND a full hypercar where he can design his car how he wants - and that's how Aston Martin Valkyrie was born out of his papers

Este and George were sick (again) in Abu Dhabi and some team members across all teams were too, which raised important question that has been floating around f1 spaces for a while - how huge of an impact has this extensive calendar (even more so in 2024) on the mental and physical health of both the drivers and the team crew

Pourchaire potentially going to Ferrari/AR WEC? Or maybe Superformula, because he didn't manage to grab the F1 seat, but hinted at a new contract

cooling equipment from 2024 should be used at races with extremely warm condition as a reaction to Qatar gp this year, more over there is rumoured [very simplified non technical explanation from me coming] solution of making a small hole from the bottom of the front spoiler to make space for more air and fia claims it will all have precise rules so nobody could end up using it to gain unfair advantage

Merc seem to be finally scraping up the concept that didn't work for 2 years now and said they are completely reworking basically every single part of the car

Val rased 150k with his BotASS

Stephanie Carlin who is CEO/team principal of Rodin Carlin and Lewis' extreme e team x44 will be joining mclaren as business operations director

Ben Sulayem expressed how he would love to get Masi back into FIA

Logan has been official announced to complete the 2024 grid which remains unchanged for the first time

Tina Hausmann to Aston Martin F1 academy seat (I can't wait for Ferrari to announce who they decided to sign)

Jessica Hawkins expands her role in Aston Martin to head of racing for f1 academy too

Pato Oward now has enough points to qualify for a super licence

wet weather wheel covers will be tested in in spring 2024

no work on 2026 cars before 2025 is allowed to make sure nobody gets an unfair advantage

CBS is planning a comedy with Guenther Steiner

the Apex movie with Brad Pitt had its release date pushed back to summer 2025 (they face financial issues apparently as well as staff issues after the strike in Hollywood)

Iwasa is headed to Superformula for the next season

Forbes calculated what each driver made in 2023 (idk what their sources are for this tho) and the order is: Oscar + Pierre 8 mil, George 9 mil

Alfa Romeo as a brand is focusing from f1 to WEC now after the contract with Sauber expired (so no Alfa Romeo to Haas as some rumours suggested)

speaking of Sauber, on 10th December they are announcing a new name (based on new title sponsor) in the UK

Honda racing Thanks day (or whatever they call it) happened a few days ago and Yuki looked very cute, also Ferrari had an event in Jeddah last week and Charles could finally do his wishful donuts

Autosport Awards took place and Horner, Verstappen, Piastri and Norris (and who knows who else of the people i don't like) won in some categories i am too tired to list here

Ferrari movie red carpet happened yesterday and some big names including susie and toto wolff were there (fun fact: toto and Christian were asked about charles' rumoured contract extension and they both said he is a great driver and tvereis no reason for ferrari to not lock him down before 2024 contracts expiring carnage happens)

speaking of, Gazzetta reported that charles apparently signed a 5 year contract extension with ferrari and Carlos is expected to extend as well except he is asking for 2 year contract (or at least 1+1) and the team wants to sign him for one year only

some people (cough Horner cough) were concerned about conflict of interest of Susie and Toto Wolff because they hate to see the girlboss winning - there is now official investigation that neither the Wolffs/Mercedes nor the F1 were informed before FIA let the info go into media

Madrid street circuit signed a contract for 10 years starting with 2026 and while Barcelona promoters are trying to keep their place on the calendar i doubt we would have 2 spanish gps with how packed the calendar already is

F1 also announced 6 sprint locations for 2024 and it will be a mess :))))

also remember how Doohan tried to get a place in Alpine wec before mick took it? He is now out of f2 for 2024 and turned down indycar offer too so rip to him

Ferrari drivers are on sim duty this week to give feedback on 676 project

Fred also admitted they scraped 2 more upgrades they had planned out for this season to instead focus those sources (financial and designer) for 2024

Alonso and Verstappen are reportedly planning to do Le Mans together and looking for a third one (worst threesome in the history of universe, no matter who they choose)

Prize money was also calculated and it's 140 mil for rbr, 131 mil for merc and 122 mil for ferrari (etc etc)

everyone is so silent about Andretti (who got approved by fia but didn't get an agreement to join the grid from other f1 teams yet) because apparently Hitech who also tried to get into f1 got turned down despite being much futher in development (concept in wind tunnel, merc pre contract for engine supplying etc) and they will be launching legal action against fia/fom acussing them of bias

And finally Liam Lawson is now a youtuber (as he waits for f1 opportunity because he has the 2025 seat confirmed and ricciardo has a clause in his contract to be 1st priority for rbr if they let go of Checo but also to hire lawson for his place if it happens)

[smoky-impressions]

as an auDHDer, this should be required viewing for any autistic people and those in relationship with us (allistic or autistic). i loved this video and wanted to type out a summary / reword / add my thoughts in order to learn more deeply.

"is the person actually following up with you after they have done what they needed to do to recoup their energy or are they kind of just leaving you off on your own to figure out what is going on? ... honest and intentional communication should not be a luxury but a necessity."

100% red flag. i am a kind and compassionate disabled, neurodivergent person and i have put out so much energy to try and fix problems that were not mine to fix. i have pushed myself passed my limits on so many occasions for people (and for someone) who were very clearly not willing to meet me even 10% of the way.

"i can't have a relationship because of my disability vs. i can't have a relationship with another person because i am unwilling to reprioritise things in my life so i can give this person the amount of basic respect that they deserve when it comes to having a reciprocal relationship."

i could not have said it better. using disability as a cudgel to silence conversation that makes you uncomfy, especially around feelings, is not okay. examine why you do that constantly and maybe grow around that weakness. seems to be a trend of men doing this to women (and AFAB people) as a way to get out of doing any emotional labour in relationships. this will make people resentful of you. it is hard to be present with big emotions and ask for what you need. look, maybe you do not have male role models of this behaviour. you can still look to the non-men around you for examples of how to be more reciprocal, more giving, more fair in relationships.

she makes the point in the video that you have to get to know your barriers, your limitations, your needs, AND communicate them in productive ways to your partner(s) / close people. make plans for when you feel a period of burnout coming on and act while you still have the ability to do so to set those plans in motion. you cannot expect other people to do this for you and mind-read your emotions and thoughts when you are burning out, expect them to constantly be scanning and inquiring about your energy and current capabilities for you, expect them to essentially parent you. abdicating the responsibility to communicate your inner life onto your close people is unfair. it also prevents you from doing the meaningful work of your own self-growth.

your close people will want you to grow, develop, and improve your understanding of each other, and evolving your communication style together over time can be a part of this. the point about letting the other person know what you want to do about/during the burnout is not just about some way to police each other to death with accountability. she offers that this can be a way for your close people to know that you will be okay, and some ideas of things to pepper in the "normal" phases of the relationship to prevent relapse into burnout, which i found really sweet. taking time to take naps, being out in nature, crocheting or crafting together, those would all be super endearing to hear a friend of mine wanted to do.

not making the effort to communicate with loved ones in a reciprocal way around burnout being described as "careless" and "harmful" is another important point. the autistic person being able to just come and go any time while the other person is left waiting and bereft of any reassurance or idea of how you are doing IS uncaring and harmful. it is sometimes, as she says, tantamount to abuse, or at the very least, repeatedly being taken advantage of, when they are always taken for granted like this, or at worst, discarded whenever burnout strikes. when you say you need space and give a timeline for recovery or when you will get back to your loved ones, the ball is in your court to actually do so and not hurt them with repeated disappointment. or at least, engage in concerned repair work when you fail to meet your word. the point about asking for reminders is also important, especially if you are auDHD, and would be a basic courtesy your close people would be happy to do.

she says it does not mean never having relationships because of your autism, but rather putting in the work to establish systems, boundaries, communication styles, and healthy reciprocity with your loved ones. learning what you need to accommodate yourself and how others can do the same (green flag: people who love you will do this enthusiastically!) and so you are not harming others.

[apatheticintrovert]

A rant for the void.

I'm definitely too apathetic because whoever wins, does it actually matter?? We never actually have any control when it comes to our government. No president cares about us even though they're "elected" to serve us, the people. No matter what happens, the world will keep on spinning. Palestinians will continue to be bombed. The world will continue to be unjust and unfair.

In Texas ted cruz has already won to stay senator until 2031. Everything feels hopeless all the time. Norhing about this election feels any difference from the last 2, except that I can't find it in me to care. I've been saying this but the only good politician is a dead one and no matter who our president is, our country is (and has been, since its conception really) an active participant in genocide, war, voter interference in other countries, etc. Etc.) We are more informed and aware of the propaganda than ever and our government still gets away with whatever it wants with little to no repercussions.

There are still so many people that can't be bothered to care about the state of the world they live in and that's by design, we are largely struggling to make it to each new day in this capitalist hellscape we live in, in the middle of a recession, with education, resources, literal human rights being not only on the chopping block every election cycle but actively being taken away.

Which I get it... I know why Kopmala is "better" but I'm so sick of the "lesser of two evils" being our only options every fucking election. (I voted 3rd party and socialist for the first time ever this year because I didn't have another "lesser of two very obviously bad and genocidal evils" left in me) Even Obama who was so well liked and praised had record breaking levels of deportation, and there was the drone strikes...

Every election cycles feels like a slap in the face. We need a fucking revolution, that's genuinely our only hope imo. And Americans will never organize well enough to execute it. Too many people are satisfied with the status quo and not bothered by things like the ongoing genocide in Palestine and Congo and Sudan because it's not directly impacting them (to their knowledge) A large amount of the average Americans will not be bothered to care until it's too late and policy is actually directly impacting them. Idk. I'm just word vomiting at this point and it's just to vent for my own benefit.

It's weird to me how little I truly care tonight, especially compared to other people in my life and others I see online. Looking back at memories of innocent little 19 year old me voting in my first presidential election in 2016, I was so confident the country wouldn't vote for that man (who is arguably worse now and looking like he might win again) I was so much more uninformed about Hillary and politics and the us government.... I was up all night anxious and watching live coverage and checking my phone constantly. Now 8 years later, it's just like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ everything is awful and it will stay that way no matter who wins. We saw that well enough during this biden presidency. Not to mention how many people only vote during the presidential election cycle. As if all the others that impact is locally don't matter when they are oftentimes the most important and impactful, setting up city mayors, us representatives, etc.

Even with so many people out here organizing and doing the work all the time, outside of just election season, being community driven and helping out community with volunteer work and mutual aid ... It still feels so cyclical and unending.

And even though I didn't vote for her I do still understand why kopmala would be a better winner than the fascist cheeto (I live in Texas which is always solidly red anyways it's not like it made a difference other than I had the privilege to vote with my conscious and hopefully do whatever small part possible to push and uplift 3rd party candidates)... It's still just so frustrating that in this "democracy" we are saddled with the illusion of choice with our "two party system" (two sides of the same coin).

"heavy sigh*

All this to say.... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ a bunch of nothing really. Just voicing my apathy and discouragement to the VOID.

[feralkwe]

Wol thinkthonkers 8 and/or 9?

hi! yay! welcome! i can't be concise apparently so, a cut for you!

8. what is one of their biggest regrets? has it had an effect on how they act moving forward, for better or worse?

i think kit's biggest regrets are that she was quick to take things at face value because people told her that's how things just were. here and there along the way of her journey she fought in the name of something that seemed straightforward. usually it was in the name of what had to happen for the greater good (a burden she wears like a lead cape). ascians are evil and trying to destroy the world (yes, but...), hydaelyn is good and loves the world and wants what is best for everyone (yes, but...), the crystal exarch is trying to save his world and yours (yes, but...), the warriors of darkness are trying to kill you (yes, but...), zodiark is the source of all evil and corrupt and power hungry (uh... akshully...). none of these, save one big one, are lies per se, but they are all things she looks back on and wonders if she could have changed the fallout she carries if she'd just given it a little more thought. which is an unfair thing to place on her own shoulders. there is nuance that was unavailable to a lot of people, the scions included, for so long, and she did the best she could with the knowledge they all had to work with.

she very much tries to take that caution going forward.

9. The Warrior of Light has been through quite a lot, but what is a moment, big or small, that bolstered and renewed their spirit? Was it a cup of hot cocoa or a lovingly crafted sandwich? Did someone give them a few words or a gesture at just the right time that meant the world to them? (Of course, this can be a canon event or headcanon!)

oh, so many. so many little moments along the way. there were so many times kit just wanted to lie down and give up, and while she never would, the strength to move forward came in sometimes surprising places. there are the obvious larger moments, ardbert on the first and in the final gasp, hythlodaeus time and again throughout the story, emet-selch showing up when she called during seat of sacrifice. certainly, but this wants the small ones, so i'll try to rein myself in here.

minfilia telling kit just how much she means to her. i forget the exact phrasing, but i recall it striking a chord. early days with the scions made kit feel like a tool more than a person, but minfilia calling her a friend was restorative.

alisaie, time and again, is just a fount of this. even if it isn't her direct words, her very existence in kit's orbit pushes her on all the time. alisaie looks up to her so much that kit can't help but take her words and march on. kit probably has one of those 'do it for her' simpsons posters in her room that is just alisaie's face all over it.

ryne. ryne and gaia. ryne and gaia and their coffee biscuits and the idea that they deserve all the time the world has to offer them. their whole everything is something that pushes her on. i absolutely know that there were moments during the final days that she just had to remember their laughs to renew her determination when all felt lost.

i couldn't find an exact moment without doing ng+ for heavensward, but estinien, again and again, whether he realized it or not, spurred her on. likely nothing he did consciously, as he was certainly going through his own journey at the same time. a word here or there would have been all it took. maybe just a casual comment as they watched alphinaud sleep, or a quiet moment after losing ysayle. those really stuck with her. if he could keep going, so could she. i'm always threatening to write some jock bro story for them, but his voice intimidates me so i've yet to take this leap. lol.

weird ones, like emet-selch's weird 'wink wink, nudge nudge' speech before mt. gulg. the one-two of that plus ardbert's echoing her own feelings on it out loud immediately after. that probably doesn't count as little though.

every. kind. word. elidibus. ever said to her. he had no way of knowing this, but it came at a time she needed it.

thanks so much for the ask! here's the list if anyone wants to participate, either by sending or receiving.

[dcviated]

@remunporium sent: " Heyyy Mizuki. " Sirin's tone comes off as slightly apologetic. She still feels a little bad for striking... something in Mizuki's heart before. She still wasn't sure what it was, but as no stranger to someone who's been hurt herself, she recognizes when she treads onto thin ice. " Are you feeling any better today? I got you something I thought would help.. " Whether or not she felt guilt for it, she still felt like it was her duty as a friend to get her something nice. What is that something? Adorabbit merch of course. One of the newer (softer) plushies that've come out recently! Thanks to some money from Otose, she was able to easily pay for it. " It's one of the newer ones. Got first dibs on the newest release, they sold out super fast! " Sometimes, being unable to sleep comes in clutch. Early bird specials are where it's at.

"Oh hey." It takes a moment for Mizuki to remember why Sirin is acting apologetic as she is again. The park. The tickets. She'd tried to push it away yet again and forget about it, but Sirin hadn't forgotten how she reacted. Went out and got her an Adorabbit plush as apology.

All of this just feels patronizing, after a certain point. Like Mizuki was someone who needs to be placated every time someone accidentally missteps or misspeaks around her. It's better than how things were with her mother, but it's not what she thought to expect from her friends. After all, even if she had been mad... was Sirin thinking the way to get forgiveness was just buy her stuff?

"Thanks..."

...don't get mad. You're just being grumpy. And it's because Mizuki knows she need to tell Sirin. And that means remembering it again. How your life was ripped away from you and how lost you are with finding a way to step forward and up.

"Y'know, it's not like you need to keep doing stuff like this, Sirin. Tickets and plushies and... card packs and all those other things. It's not like you knew that inviting me out there would make me sad, the stuff about the... park. I mean it's like. Something I should have told you already, but I didn't because ... just not a fun thing to talk about."

Tumultuous, layered, shades of grey over a painting so eclectic you'd wonder how it all fits inside the mind of a 12 year old girl. Not something anyone deserves, let alone a child. The loss and the abuse. At the least, right now, petting the new plush is enough to settle her down. Really soft.

"I told you my parents died, but not really... how. I can't. Tell you everything because of stuff with the police." Government secrets were government secrets. "Um. Yeah. But. My mom... she... was murdered. And uhm. The body was left at an old amusement park for me to find it was on the merry go round and-" She's doing a good job in keeping herself collected, but the tempo of her speech keeps jumping as the thoughts spill over like a sloshing pitcher of water.

"-and her eye was gone and they'd s-stabbed an ice pick and its just- whenever I think about parks I think about that it was so horrible and and, even if she was mean nobody... she didn't deserve that..."

A long staggering exhale punctuates the endpoint of her ramble. "And now you know." Even if Saito was dead and gone, he'd done a great job in wreaking the havoc on Date's life and those around him, just as he set out to do. It's so unfair. And so selfish. And now she was supposed to find a way to be happy about it in the aftermath.

Mizuki hugs her, the adorabbit plush now squeezed tight against her chest.

"We can go somewhere else together, I think I'd like that. Like. Get some food. And talk about the tournament or something."

[leam1983]

The same works for the other publisher, too.

I don't much care for Captain America because he's from Brooklyn, or because he's American - I'm Canadian. From a purely geopolitical point of view, he can't speak for me. You sometimes spot people mention that Steve Rogers gets their vote of confidence because he's a good Christian, and you feel that they're missing something important.

Steve Rogers isn't a good man because he's a Christian, or because he's White, or from Brooklyn or even close to a representative of lower-middle class as of the Great Depression, elevated to near-godhood.

Steve Rogers is a good man because he began like me. Like I did. A runt, almost clinically disabled judging by how frail even the oldest comics depicted him. Sneeze next to him and he'd catch his death. Push him with two knuckles and he'd keel over. Actually strike him and, well, you'd lose all sense of respect from others. Nobody likes a bully, after all.

What makes him more than me, though, is how aspirational he is. I've been fucked up by life often enough where there were times where I gave up, laid in my bed and cried my eyes out. Not him, though - even way before the serum got involved.

Steve Rogers is that special kind of stubborn - the kind that moves mountains. The kind that gets unfair rents lowered or that helps a community pull through during the pandemic. The kind that seeks justice not for himself, but for others. The fact that he remained this after becoming superhuman? That, right there, is the miraculous part of it all. Most of us who self-insert as Captain America would've turned into Wiliam Burnside or USAgent, instead - because power corrupts.

So when people ask me what a guy from Montreal like me is doing thinking Rogers is aspirational, I remind them the patriotism, the schmaltz of it all, the stars-and-stripes as a suit - none of it defines Captain America.

What defines Captain America is that he began as one of mine - one of my people. One of the disabled, the runts; the guys who receive pithy looks from pediatricians or educators and who have to live knowing that their teacher looked their parents in the eyes and said I hope you didn't hope he'd become an athlete or something, because that's never going to pan out.

Nobody can become the living symbol of any one nation. It is possible, however, to become one damn fine human being, morally and ethically. That's what Steve Rogers is. A one-man judge and jury I'd trust, and one that would be sure to infuriate America's best self-professed Bible-thumping Christians, because empathy isn't on the Evangelical menu.

you’re twelve years old and you break your father’s hand when he hi-fives you. the first thing you learn is that the smallest slip up can hurt the people you love. your (foster) father smiles and says it’s okay (it’s not). 

your parents are not your parents. the idyllic farming community that raised you is not your home. you’re a You-Don’t-Know-What from You-Don’t-Know-Where. all you know for sure is that you’re not human. 

so you can fly. so you can run fast. so you can lift cars. so what? why do you even have this power? what should you even do with it? 

your father said do what’s right, so that’s what you do. 

you stop a robbery. the man’s knife shatters against your skin and you see the same fear in his eyes that you saw in your father’s when you were twelve. you catch a falling child before it can hit the water. his mother looks at you like you’re a god. 

they love you, even though they don’t know you. the most powerful man in the world hates you because they love you. 

you wanted to write when you were younger. you wanted to tell stories that needed to be told. you never wanted to star in them. you never wanted super-geniuses and demi-goddesses looking to you for advice; like you have any idea how to handle threats to reality itself. you’re just a kid from smallville who’s trying to do the best he can with what he’s given. 

you try and get back to the farm as much as you can. it feels normal being back among the open wheat; where everyone smiles because you’re that nice Kent boy. 

when you were younger, you pretended to fly, hands out to your sides and running through the tall grass by the river. it doesn’t look as beautiful from on high; the details get lost and the colors of your hometown blur together from a mile above ground. 

the problem with flying is that it puts you so far above people you care about

[scentedchildnacho]

I did make it to harvest church for a benevolence ..

He wanted to know why homeless for a decade

So I told him it's a trash to people where they just kind of leave many disparate problems

So the over crowding and noise kind of moves me all the time to place structural holes...

I notice people leaving a vintage vase people can't use because it isn't cutting edge medicine and it not making them feel very good to not take it to a repurposing and green job training booth

Its mostly management problems leading to apathy to situations like anti immigration in Germany ...its these creepy ladies that can understand Foucault on the inverse and they show up to flash knives at people or talk in gross disturbing ways or just witch every bodies rest time

Wagner they will sometimes just really hit and strike a project with militant ladies that admit they hit their kid with anything around and themselves

Or the men sometimes they drop off these men sometimes that dont care if their ultimate speed bully...and it's again knife threats or beating people up severely like police footage and again stuff to just ruin people's time

The situation is just not managed and it's just very unfair other psychiatrists work with early Alzheimer's and that psychiatrist just dumps pill restraints

So I would travel a lot to find people's missing services...like someone's domestic abuse shelter a 5 hour train ride away....or someone else's camp...even more states away or someone's largely dark men food stop again several states away....

I told him the push to view things as maximal crisis tends to shove homeless into compounds instead of uplifting it's condition as it's come to live

I said kamala is Indian so to her everyone is a tribe.....and that's homelessness...it's a tribe to live for God not for land grants so something about God has to tell me where God is taking people instead of always positions filled in basic functions not really gainful anymore

Tribe of Levi....uhm there is a Vietnamese priest here and it's the south east Asians that will help poor white with things like fishing or lou ows pig roasts

So maybe I can ask him about sacrificing a young cow or calf because it's spirit haunts and persecutes the people here

That beauty of a young cow face all this car crisis is to turn the children especially into perfect smooth sickly forms

There is maybe a scandinavian wealth here that won't stop stalking me with cow veneration....so it's symbol is we get to be here and stop with how boring

Dian fossey did have like followers who worshipped all she taught them so that is maybe the car terrorists at the children

Vaccines?

They are The native Americans and indigenous diaspora doesn't exist....

They do they try to defile me it's not just trying to hurt me they think my lady is of ill repute at the church and attempt defiling

I watched a film called silentium and the nun was like I think I can't join them because I'm a people and this perverted Marxism or flesh is why isn't correct and they were like you don't have to be perfect

Anyway I guess the immigration has been idle sitting in little shops with all this God art in vista California that some sectarians warn is idolatry and can really summon something people think is demonic

I read this book by a Frenchman called you will not have my hate...because it's been trendy I guess for common people to pronounce in famous ways that they will not be seeking reckonings or retribution

So I mean they were placing strange altars by the side of the road about one young man in vista California....

And I think they blame the emigration because they could be stricter and work more about who is coming and going around their districts and have been willing to open walls or ideas they shouldn't have

But I find myself now at meals with black and tan types so others might say I'm never getting managed or getting out of this unfair objectification because the IRA killed an emigrationist that could have helped

Wagner what is all this if people are lewd or wrong restrain them when there are peoples that understand before wall or before CPS

I'm from Wisconsin but they found out that 20 percent of severely abused emigration issues were from the states so something about that type of emigrationist missing from the homeless here and people wanting to leave them on sidewalks and hog tye them like old gay films all just very crude and no one is interested in that

[lavendermage]

A Safe Place to Go

Characters: Child Diluc and Kaeya, Crepus

Genre: Hurt comfort, gender neutral child reader, not canon compliant.

TW: Child abuse, physical abuse, bruses

1.5k words

AN: A comfort fic I wrote for myself. Hope this helps someone else too. Remember that you deserve to be safe. <3

The cold night air stung your face as you ran. You didn't know if they had decided to chase you. You didn't dare look back to check. It usually took half an hour to reach the winery, but you had never run like this. You usually gave up halfway through your races with the Ragnvindr brothers, when you saw them running ahead of you, racing with themselves more than they were racing with you. Fear forced your legs to keep going, to keep pushing off the cold earth.

You only stopped when you reached the winery, scooping up a handful of pebbles. You craned your neck up to find Diluc's window and aimed. You threw pebble after pebble, trying to wake him up. 

The window opened and Kaeya's face popped out. 

You waved desperately. "Kaeya! It's me! Let me in."

He ducked back into his room and you ran around to the entrance. Diluc opened the door, Kaeya hiding behind him. The lantern in his hand lit your face and the bruises on it. He opened the door wider. Kaeya led you to the couch while Diluc locked the door. 

"Who did this?" Diluc half-shouted.

You flinched. 

"We're not angry at you." Kaeya clarified, recognizing the fear on your face. He understood, in a way Diluc didn't, in a way both of you hoped he never would.

"I messed up, you know how angry they get…"

"Your guardian?" Diluc said. Both brothers knew how volatile they were, they had seen it themselves. Even in public they barely hid their anger.

You nodded, just barely. It felt wrong to tell them, it felt unfair to your guardian. They had done so much for you. You could feel the anger flare in the brothers. 

"Can I touch you?" Kaeya asked, the glow of cryo gathering on his hand. "Father always puts cold on our bruises."

You nodded again and he gently pressed his hand to your cheek. 

Diluc just watched, unsure of what to do. He settled for sitting next to you. "Do you want hot chocolate?" 

"I don't want to bother you."

"It only takes a minute."

"Ok. Then can I please have some?" You fidgeted, uncomfortable with asking anything from the brothers.. 

He stood up and took a few steps towards the kitchen. There was another set of steps though. Heavy, adult steps. The door opened and your arms darted to cover your head. 

"Did Kaeya have another nightmare?" A groggy voice asked, a voice you were in no state to recognize. You had woken them up, you were going to be punished.

"Father, (name) is hurt." Diluc said.

Their attention turned towards you, your arms over your head and shaking. The man crouched in front of you, staying more than an arm's length away. Far enough so he couldn’t strike you.

"You're not in trouble, no one is going to hurt you." His voice was even and calm, nothing like your guardian. 

You peeked out from behind your hands. Crepus wasn't like your guardian. He was safe. You lowered your hands until they were clasped in front of your throat. 

Worry was clear on his face as he took in your injuries. "Could you tell me who hurt you?"

You shook your head. Telling your friends was one thing, they were kids like you. Telling an adult was different. It was not allowed, there would be consequences.

"You don't have to worry about being punished. I won't let them hurt you." 

He didn't know. You pulled Kaeya's hand back to your check and looked away. "You can't promise that." 

"I can. It's alright if you're not ready though." He stood up. "How about a midnight snack? We're all up anyway."

Diluc held out his hand to you. You accepted it. You walked hand in hand with Diluc, your other hand holding Kaeya's sleeve. 

Crepus pulled out a box of cookies and started heating a pot of hot chocolate. "Take however many you want." 

Diluc handed Kaeya a blueberry jam linzer and picked a strawberry flavored one for himself. "What flavor do you want?" 

"Anything's fine." 

He frowned at your answer but gave you a raspberry cookie. 

"Diluc, come talk to me." Crepus called his son into the hallway. 

 ~×~×~×~×~×~×~×~×~×~×~×~×~×~×~×~×~×~

"This is important." Crepus put his hand on Diluc's shoulder. "I know you know who hurt them."

Diluc looked away defiantly. 

Crepus sighed. "I understand you don't want to betray your friend but not telling someone is putting them in danger."

Diluc mumbled something. 

"I didn't hear that. Could you say it again."

"Their guardian did it." Diluc spit out, disgust evident on his face.

"I suspected as much. Seems like I'll have to pay the knights a visit."

"I could-" Diluc offered. 

"No. This isn't a child's problem to solve. You're smart and brave but you are still a child."

"I understand." The disappointment was clear on his face.

Crepus noticed and decided to soften the blow. "You can help them by offering them support. That's what they need from you right now."

"I will." He said, determination etched in his face. 

~×~×~×~×~×~×~×~×~×~×~×~×~×~×~×~×~×~

When Crepus came back you were in the middle of a cookie. Your eyes widened. Had you eaten too many? You glanced at the box. Only half remained. 

He watched your reaction sadly, recognizing it from when he had first adopted Kaeya, that fear that still lingered in his son's eyes. "I see you liked the cookies. I'll be sure to tell the cooks that it was a success."

You relaxed. "Y-yes. They were very good."

"Those cookies are meant to be enjoyed, don't be afraid to eat more."

Diluc sat next to you. "The cooks here are great. You'll see when we eat breakfast."

"Will I be here for breakfast?"

"Of course." Kaeya said. "Father won't make you go back." His brilliant blue eye stared into yours, trying to convince you.

"Really?" You looked eagerly to Crepus.

"It's far too dangerous to go home at night." And too dangerous to be at home, he left unsaid.

"Thank you Mr. Ragnvindr!" You smiled for the first time that night, rubbing the tears from your eyes. You weren’t used to this.

"They can sleep in my room." Diluc recommended. "My bed's big enough for me, Kaeya, and them!"

"'Kaeya, them, and me'" Crepus corrected. "And that sounds like an excellent idea. Is everyone ok with it?" You nodded. "Alright then. Everybody needs to brush their teeth again after eating."

Diluc groaned and you laughed. You liked it here, it was safe. 

"(Name), are you ready to talk?" He asked. 

"Yes."

"Alright. Boys, go up and brush your teeth while I speak to your friend." The boys left and you were left alone with Crepus. "Diluc told me your guardian is hurting you. Is that right?"

You waited, looking away before nodding. 

"I'm going to have to go to the knights with this information." 

You shook your head desperately. "No, they're going to hurt me!"

"Listen to me." His voice was firm but gentle. "I will not let them. I will make sure you are safe, whether it is my own men taking care of you or the knights."

You cried. Was it finally going to stop? 

"Do you want a hug?" He asked, careful not to scare you.

You dove into his arms. He was big and strong and warm and he felt like the dad you never had. You sobbed and he just held you, petting your back comfortingly.

"It's alright. No one's going to hurt you." He whispered. "Not while I'm here."

"Thank you." You mumbled.

He led you up the stairs, holding your little hand in his huge one. You walked to the boys' bathroom, the little step from when they were smaller holding open the door. Crepus gave you a clean toothbrush and a tube of toothpaste. 

"The maids put out some spare sleep clothes, pick whichever ones you'd like." He gestured at the three cups by the sink, one red, one blue, one yellow. "The yellow cup is yours if you need a drink at night. Do not hesitate to find me or any of the maids if you need anything."

"Thank you Mr. Ragnvindr."

"It's nothing." He patted your back kindly. "I need to check with Adeline about breakfast."

You waved goodbye and looked through the pile of clothes, picking shorts and a soft hooded shirt with a turtle on it. 

~×~×~×~×~×~×~×~×~×~×~×~×~×~×~×~×~×~

Crepus came by his son's room to check in with the three of you. Diluc was right; the bed had plenty of room for all of you. 

Diluc had kicked off the blanket, a habit he had since he received his vision. He didn't touch you, except for your hand clasped in his. Kaeya curled into you, huddled in a pile of blankets, a symptom of his vision. His hand rested on your face, cooling it. Your face was relaxed, a content smile resting on your lips. 

Crepus felt a wave of pride, for his two wonderful, kind, caring sons who supported you, and for you, for being brave enough to come for help. He would do his job now and make sure you were safe. "Goodnight children, sleep tight, don't let the crystal flies bite." He closed the door, allowing a sliver of light in.

[nishisun]

DORM BUDDIES

30. well....

DORM BUDDIES MASTERLIST

warning: slight smut (fingering)

Shit.

Was your initial thought after reading Tsukishima’s text. He seemed pretty serious, right? You were hoping he wasn’t. Maybe he needed help examining some artifacts. Or maybe, he wanted to talk about something that isn’t as important as you think. Maybe you’re overthinking.

Stop giving yourself false hope, y/n.

Standing up from your bed suddenly felt like a complex task. You inevitably turned off your phone and let out a piteous sigh. Once you finally stood up after minutes of contemplating, you finally made it to the door of his room. It was quiet. You couldn’t see what was going on since the door was shut. You couldn't hear his voice and there wasn't any music currently playing. This must be serious.

With sweaty palms that you quickly wipe away using your shirt, it takes everything in you just to open the door. There’s no going back now. There he was. He was slouched on his bed. He looked fatigued, maybe? What the hell happened to the Tsukishima 30 minutes ago?

I mean, you both were just arguing back and forth 30 minutes ago. You made up afterward and then you just fled his room. Now he wants to talk? What about exactly? Whatever it is, you sincerely hope it doesn’t cause another argument.

“Hey,” Your voice is remarkably unstable, faltering due to how nervous you are. Tsukishima looks up at you and contorts his face in possible confusion for a brief moment, then relaxes it again. “You said we needed to talk, what about?”

“Stop.”

Stop?

“Stop acting clueless. It’s annoying.” He’s sitting on the edge of the bed, slouching once again as his head hangs low, he doesn’t bother making eye contact with you, he keeps his face set to the ground.

“Kei, what are you talking about-”

“Cut the bullshit, y/n. Stop trying to avoid shit. You know exactly why I called you over here to talk,” Tsukishima snaps, Your eyes start to water, and Tsukishima groans and covers his eyes with his hands. “I need a drink.” His lanky body suddenly stands up from the bed. He drags himself from out the room and you resolutely turn and look at him in pure confusion.

“Tsukishima, I don’t think it’s smart for you to be drinking at this time.”

“What are you, my mother? You sure do think many things, y/n.” He laughs out, still walking to the kitchen, and opens the fridge. “Why the hell do you care anyway? I’m an adult.”

“Okay, what the hell is wrong with you?” you scoff, leaning on one of the slabs in the kitchen. “We were literally okay like 30 minutes ago- not even! Now, you text me, even though i’m literally a room away from you, telling me we need to talk about who knows what, and now you don't even want to talk anymore. It’s unfair, tsukishima-”

“You know what’s unfair, Y/N?” He lets out an awfully unpleasant laugh, slamming the fridge door really hard which makes you flinch. “You can’t-- God--” He’s staring pensively at you, you’re staring back and glaring, eagerly waiting for him to say something. He scoffs, then takes a seat in the kitchen dining. “You’re a hypocrite.”

“How about you stop insulting me and tell me what I did that got you so fucking worked up!” You raise your hands up in defeat with glassy eyes and Tsukishima still doesn’t make any direct eye contact with you. “Can we please just talk? Like adults?”

He sighs and finally looks up at you and nods. You heave a profound sigh of relief when you see that he’s finally willing to talk things out.

“Yeah, you’re right, I’m sorry.” You offer him a whimsical smile, walking towards him to hug him, he’s hugging back with a loose grip, but you pay no mind to it.

“Of course, Kei.” You let go of him, still standing close to him. You sit on the chair beside him, and you both are now facing each other. “So, what’s up?”

Tsukishima looks at you for a moment and opens his mouth, then closes it. He plays with his drink, circling the cup, so the ice in it makes a noise. You move close to him as you soothe him, massaging his back softly, then moving your hand up to softly caress his hair, just the way he likes it.

“You can tell me anything, Kei. Take your time if you need to.” He nuzzles his head in the crook of your neck when you continue to thread your hands in his hair and can't help the way your heart flutters at how cute he reacts to your touch.

“You smell so fucking good.” he breaths, you chuckle in return and he clings to you tighter.

“Kei.”

“Hmm?”

Before you can even continue speaking, your gasp cuts you off when tsukishima licks a stripe on your neck. Without thinking, you tilt your head, giving him more access to your neck in which he smirks at. As he continued to lick and suck on your flesh, mindlessly, you began threading your fingers on his hair once again which motivates tsukishima to continue.

“K-kei..” You call, but he doesn’t give you an answer. The hand he has placed on your thigh finds its way to your hips, then your shirt, hoisting it up quickly. You assist him to lift up your shirt and once it’s off you immediately took your lips with his, your heart pounding and knees getting weaker as the gentle kiss deepens. The buzz on your phone goes off again, but you pay no attention to it. The only thing you could focus on right now was how soft tsukishima’s lips felt against yours. Softer than you naturally imagined. He was addictively invading your senses and honestly, you could get used to this.

It altogether felt like you were dreaming. Clearly, you weren’t considering the fact that you and he were just arguing not so long ago. The kiss was messy, but there was raw emotion in the way tsukishima’s deft hands interlaced with yours. You break the kiss and the both of you gasp for air as tsukishima carries you bridal style down his room and places you on the bed.

He doesn’t know what’s gotten into him. He too could get used to feeling your tender lips with his. As you were laying down, tsukishima gets on top of you and places his hands on the sides of your head as support.

“Please, look how fucked out you look from just some kisses.” Tsukishima teases and you instantly use both of your hands to cover the blush that was forming on your cheeks.

“F-fuck you,”

“You’re cute. Take off your clothes.”

You happily oblige with his orders, flinging them somewhere in his room and you produce a confused look when you notice that his clothes are still on.

“Wanna eat you out.”

Your eyes widen in shock, which purely makes him chuckle as he moves closer to you, face to face. You could feel his warm breath, and it was driving you crazy. You draped both of your arms around his shoulders and met his lips halfway.

Your stomach flutters once again, heart skipping a beat. Everything felt surreal. From the heated make-out session, you were having with tsukishima, to the smell of him which was gradually, but undoubtedly causing you to lose all trains of thought.

You parted your lips and felt him washing over you like a tidal wave, warmth being spread from head to toes. Your entire body tingled with pleasure and the feeling of tsukishima slowly leaning his frame on yours as he wrapped his arms around you seemed to be amplified. Tsukishima pulls away to smirk at you and you roll your eyes as you haul him back in, claiming his lips once again. You find yourself slipping your fingers under his shirt, feeling his smooth radiant skin.

He breaks the kiss once again, kissing down to your collarbone, all the way down to your thighs. You’re too out of it to notice that both of his hands were already wrapped around your thighs to keep your hips in place as he stared face to face with your cunt.

“So pretty,” He beams, you conceal your mouth with your hand to prevent a moan from slipping out your lips and tsukishima smilingly shakes his head in disapproval.

“Ah, Ah, Ah” He tuts, “I wanna hear you, okay? Can you do that for me pretty?”

You mindlessly nod, hoping the blond-haired boy would grant you some mercy due to how fucked out you were, but being his usual sadistic self, he wants to hear you struggle to beg for him.

“Please,”

“Please what?” He brings his thumb and strokes it on your clit, then abruptly stops to take some of your wetness and spreads it around your cunt.

“Mmm, please eat me out-- please!”

“Of course, all you had to do was ask, dummy.” He laughs out, you’re too fucked out to even care about the jokes he makes at this moment.

Tsukishima immediately dives down and latches his tongue on your clit harshly, your legs tensing up immediately at the contact.

“Ha!--”

Your hips begin to squirm and tsukishima has to hold them in place and hastily pushes two fingers inside curling up, almost instantly finding your g-spot. You immediately grip his hair, tugging on it which gets a groan out of the man below you.

“Shh. listen,” Tsukihsima’s thrusting slows down as he pulls his mouth away. Instead, his thrust are hard and slow and the lewd noises coming from your cunt make you blush even harder than before. “Do you hear the naughty noises your cunt’s making?”

You want to hide away, somewhere, anywhere. You can’t help the squelching noises your cunt’s making, maybe if he stopped thrusting harder it would go away, but you don’t want him to. He observes the way you try to hide away in the sheets and his thrust instantly quickens, striking a spot you never knew you had.

“Oh-- Oh my God.! ‘M gonna!”

“Yeah? You gonna cum? Cmon, do it. I know you can, baby. Give it to me.” You nod your head furiously. Tsukishima quickly latches his lips onto your clit again, sucking harshly and you can’t help the way your legs close in on his head.

“C-Cumming!” With one final strangled scream, Your walls convulse around his fingers, tsukishima’s thrusting slows down to prevent overstimming.

Slowly, Tsukishima pulls his fingers out, examaning his two fingers and spreading them before tasting them.

“You fucking perv!” You laugh out, still trying to catch your breath.

“I can’t help myself when it comes to you.”

“Kei?”

“Yeah?” He left the room and came back with a damp towel and began to clean you up. It was a comfortable silence, he looked concentrated and you couldn’t help but admire the man above you.

“If it’s about me finishing y/n, then I’m fine. Trust me.”

“No, I just realised.. We never talked about-- y’know.”

He looks at you and smiles, then places the damp towel away and once he comes back he plops down on you.

“You’re gonna squish me, you big giant!” You laugh. Tsukishima, on the other hand, rests his head on your stomach and hugs you by the waist.

“I’m tired. Let’s go to sleep.”

“Hey, don’t try to change the subject--”

“Let’s talk about it tomorrow, kay?”

You were about to argue back until you slightly lifted your head to see tsukishima already asleep on your stomach. His glasses were already placed somewhere. You smile to yourself before sighing and caressing his hair. He is such a softie.

“Yeah, sure.”

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[charms-cat]

Iroh is definitely a flawed character, but it's unfair to put the burden of Azula's redemption on him.

The thing is Zuko and Azula were not on the same starting point. While it's doubtless that Ozai abused Azula, there's nothing concrete about how far that abuse extends (at least not within the show, I don't read the comics). Was it only the manipulation and twisting Azula into his perfect weapon and Heir? Or was he willing to scar her the same way he did Zuko? Truth is, show-only audience doesn't know. And from how Azula asserts "You can't treat me like Zuko!", imo it implies that however manipulative he was, there was still a line he didn't cross, something that would make her think that she really was still above Zuko.

But back to Iroh -

I'd say it's a stretch to think that Iroh understood "what exactly was happening to the royal family". He was a decorated and well-respected war general, so it's not too much to assume that he'd spend a lot of time on the battlefield. If nothing else, the siege of Ba Sing Se lasted for 600 days, so we know that the last time he saw her, Azula was only about 6 years old.

So we know he's been gone for at least/almost two years. Up until the final three years between Lu Ten's death and Zuko's banishment, of which we don't actually know at what point he arrived home after his spiritual journey. How long was he at court? One year, two, or almost three? How much information could he gather from Ozai during that time?

And while Iroh does have the patience and compassion to care for someone who'd been abused, it's also undeniable that, while Iroh supported and hoped that Zuko would choose the right path, the final choice to do good was still Zuko's. Iroh pushed Zuko towards redemption, but did not drag him there.

As for making the Gaang aware of Azula's abuse, I think he did try to steer Zuko towards being compassionate. When Iroh wakes up after being struck by Azula's Lightning, Zuko immediately says, "I know. She's my sister, and I should be getting along with her." That implies that Iroh did try to get Zuko to be, at least, open to reconciliation with Azula.

Admittedly, it sounds a little callous how Iroh responds, "No, she's crazy and she needs to go down." But at that point, Azula had already tried to maim, if not kill, Zuko (on the ship) and Iroh (in the town). Not to mention, she only initially "visited" them because she wanted to bring them back as prisoners for the Fire Lord. Azula had established herself as a dangerous opponent, and Iroh chose to prioritise the safety of Zuko and himself. And, considering that Azula was very much under the influence of Ozai, it was the safer bet; that is, compared to trying to redeem someone who doesn't even realise that what she's doing is wrong.

As for informing the Gaang, where would be the time, place, or use? As said before, Azula is a dangerous opponent and Iroh knows that. It'd be better for the Gaang to keep their guard up against her rather than risking them being severely injured because they faltered due to their compassion. Plus, I don't think Iroh actually spent a lot of time with the Gaang. Off the top of my head, I can only remember his meeting with Toph (who he didn't know was part of the Gaang), their showdown in that abandoned town against Azula (where he collapsed due to her lightning strike), and searching for Zuko in the catacombs with Aang (of which both he and Aang had more immediate priorities).

Last, I don't think the final Agni Kai could've been Azula's turning point. Too much happened in too short of a time for Azula to have ever accepted that she "lost" - Zuko ran away, it was revealed that she lied about who took down the Avatar, Mai and Ty Lee's betrayal, Ozai's abandonment (leaving her to take up the now "meaningless" title of Fire Lord while he ascends as Phoenix King and leads the charge for the razing of the Earth Kingdom, which was initially Azula's idea). Add on her paranoia, hallucinations, and clinging desperately to the fact that she was still "better" than Zuko, I doubt she'd be open to reconciliation at that point in time.

Perhaps we could've seen Iroh help bridge the gap between Zuko and Azula if we had a Book 4. But at the show's current scope, Azula's ending is a fitting one for her character arc as a tragic villain.

I know people love iroh, but he needs to be critiqued.

Like, I really do love that character but his biggest failing was letting azula down. Like, this is literally the no one is irredeemable show and like that finale should have been way more compassionate. I think that Iroh is the only person that could have given her the compassion, because he is on of like 3 people who understand what exactly was happening to the royal family at the time and demonstrated that he has the temperament to care for people going through that.

Furthermore he could have played the vital role of informing team avatar or at least making zuko aware and compassionate about what was happening to azula . While I think zuko understood what happened to him the show makes it very clear that he was unaware of or willing to look away from what ever evil bullshit the firelord was doing to azula.

This could have been Azulas turning point the way that Zuko had earlier in the season. It still could have been a fight, but one that was more about reconciliation and less about the crown. I know the crown means something for the future of the fire nation, but that fight is built on the emotions between siblings not the fight for the future of the fire nation.

[everafterkeiji]

Song: This Love by Camila Cabello

Summary: Love has so many definitions yet Oikawa never gave you the right ones.

Pairings: Tooru Oikawa x gn!reader

Word count: 4.5k

Tags,Genre: toxic relationships, angst, dozens of cuss words, manipulation

A/N: i promise i love oikawa- pls reblog & comment if u enjoyed!

Was it one of those nights again? The nights where everything is crumbling apart and you're holding onto someone who is broken as well.

Still, you find yourselves testing what it means to be in love.

"I can't keep watching you destroy yourself, Tooru!" You shout as he stands up from the bed then standing in front of you, his power towering over you.

"I'm doing completely fine, Y/N! What part of that don't you understand?!" He shouts back, with a tone stronger and louder one fighting yours.

I'm tired of meeting in the middle.

"Tooru- I support you but if I have to see you fucking lose yourself over a game then I can't handle it anymore!" He lets out a bitter laugh, backing away from you to stare you down. Each part of your body was trembling and his did the same. His body was drained from exhaustion and yours reeked of pain.

"Support me? Then fucking stop already! You said you'd always be there for me and now you're switching shit up?" He says, the drug in your veins fading while your hand trembles at the peak of his voice.

"I stuck to my promise Oikawa! What about you? Didn't you promise you'd always make time for me?" You asked- a slight crack in your voice remembering how tender he used to say these pretty promises.

"Well isn't that just so fucking selfish of you to assume I could make that happen."

He turns his back to you while your jaw was down to the floor, your eyes wide with tears streaming down every second and a heart snapped in half.

"You don't get to call me selfish when I was never a priority to you in the first place!"

Oikawa hesitates to look at you.

He knows what he'll see. A sight of you he's seen multiple times yet it always punches him in the gut with how he's aware that it was because of him.

How many broken pieces of your heart did you have to walk on for you to admit that he never puts you first?

If it was a battle on whose selfish, the king knows he's at the top.

"What the fuck? I tried Y/N! I'm always coming to your fucking rescue and it makes me hate the way you need me." He pities himself. He knew how low it was for him to say, your emotions are always valid to him- he treasures them because you hid them from him when you met, how hard it was to be open to these emotions with one person.

He was that person that you regretted ever being vulnerable to knowing he turns them like knives, striking you in each body part.

"Do you know how many times I had to ask myself if I needed you? God- you were so busy all the time I had to push away my own feelings for you, Tooru!" Your knees felt weak when you remembered how many times you've broken down without a shoulder to lean on. He should've been there- a call away whenever your tears came to you but knowing how he'd never let the game go, you threw away your sorrows to make sure his smile stays on.

"If you needed space, then just walk away!" He shouts, he runs a hand through his locks as he takes a seat back onto the mattress.

I did and each mile I went, I returned to you.

"Go on then- cause it's obvious we need it both!" You closed your eyes as you gripped the strap or your bag, ready to turn your heel on him.

But the flow of love in your veins insisted you to stay, to fix the relationship that was never complete.

"Tooru." You called out for him, desperate to touch him and forget everything.

But he pulls away.

"Just go, Y/N." He whispers, finally the soreness of his throat was growing on him. He still couldn't dare to look at you, he knows that his eyes would give away that he wasn't man that you wished him to be.

For the first time, loving him wasn't something you could endure anymore.

-

The next day comes in and Mattsukawa finds you in the corner of the empty classroom, with your sobs resonating in his ears.

"Y/N?" He calls out for you while he immediately rushes to your side, gripping both your arms, fearful that something happened to you on your way to school.

"I-Issei- hi." You stuttered in finding a way to replace the sadness in your voice.

"Did something happen? It's just me, Y/N." He says softly, caressing your arm as you wipe your tears with the sleeve of your uniform.

Oikawa wasn't there to walk with you in the morning.

What makes it better is that you couldn't sleep last night.

Now, you were scared. When somebody finally shows you concern, you want to cower away thinking that it'd be a waste of their time.

Selfish, is the first word that comes into your head.

"Nothing happened. I didn't get any sleep last night- I'm just really stressed out I'm so sorry." You said looking down, while Mattsukawa sighs sadly, taking you in his arms and patting your head.

"That's fine, Y/N. I can always help you with your studies if you really can't do them anymore."

What help is there for a heart covered in thorns?

"Thanks, Issei." You whispered while he pulls away from the hug, to rest his hand on your shoulder.

How easy it was to mask your feelings.

"It's nothing, I'll walk you to class." You nodded as he protectively walks in front of you knowing no one would want people to see how they broke down.

Oikawa sees you and Mattsukawa as he walks with Iwaizumi. He notices the way your orbs looked lifeless with heavy bags underneath, the paleness of your lips and how you constantly look down.

He's in it for it again.

"Did you two fight?" Iwaizumi asks, Oikawas eyes met with yours and you look away instinctively while he feels a sting to his heart because your eyes held fear.

Iwaizumi let's out a sigh, the silence was enough to give him an answer. Hanamaki meets with you and Mattsukawa while Oikawa wondered if he should even approach you.

He's reached the line of boundaries where everything was just filled with pain. Exhaustion never mixes well with insecurities. A hard working person like him makes unchangeable decisions, like last night and maybe several weeks before that.

There was just a massive difference between his love for volleyball and his love for you.

But the amount that he gives to volleyball, should be the same amount that he gives to you.

This is what he struggles with the most.

How can he juggle all the things he love to meet at one point? He can't just expect you to be on the court while his passion drives the ball, and he can't have the ball in his hands when you're in class with him.

It's possible to meet in the middle, but he chooses not to.

As classes went on, the gap between you and Oikawa grows bigger. During lunch, where were you? With Hanamaki and Mattsukawa. Even a glance from him would hurt you and now he can see a clear view of how perfection turned into wreckage.

By the time, practice was about to start he jogs up to you in hopes of talking things out, even a way to just get a response from you.

It was completely unfair. He'd call you so many names without reason while you fought and never even named him a single ugly thing. It's all his fault. For being up in the gym too late, for loosing his appetite and his energy to the point where he drowned you in his challenges.

"Y/N hey-"

"I'm gonna go, Oikawa." You cut him off before he can even say anything else. He feels his the way his breath gets caught in his throat. You didn't even spare another second before turning your back on him with the intention of walking away.

His eyes widen before grabbing your arm softly as he tries to pull you to his embrace you stood your weight to the floor.

"Y/N- c'mon love.. talk to me." He whispers, his hand shaking as it held onto you. You tried to rip him off but instead he surrounds his arms around you, his head leaning on your shoulder, tears forming as he feels the cold atmosphere of your body.

"I can't keep waiting for the time where loving you doesn't hurt me, Tooru." You said quietly while he harshly closes his eyes and holds onto you even more.

"I'm so sorry- I promise I'll be here and you don't even need to question yourself- I- just come back to me..please." He pleaded, desperation in his voice while his tears streamed down on your clothes. You too looked away as a pool of your own tears were resurfacing.

"Tooru-"

"I'll be better- no I'll be the best for you. Everything Y/N- you're not selfish, never- I'm so fucking sorry." He digs his head into your neck even more while you tried your best to not let out a sob.

"You promise?" It was so little, like you didn't even want to say it because your expectations of love never met with reality. Sadly, Oikawa heard it yet there was a second where he hesitates and you took notice of that. How tiny of a detail makes you hold back on everything you wanted to say.

He removes his arms from behind you while he stands in front of you, now opposite to the power he had last night. It seems like it was your turn to have him this intimidated by the tension.

He takes your hands, caressing them, then holding them up to his face as he places sweet kisses on them. Some of his tears fell on your hand and he let them stay, while you hated how it was a genuine sign that he could be honest.

"I do, Y/N." You stared at him while he begs with his eyes. A single tear escapes your eye as it cascades down your cheek and wipes it away with his finger leaving traces on it.

You give him a nod and this sets his heart on fire.

His lips tug into a sad smile while he gently meets his forehead with yours, closing his eyes. He was more than thankful for another chance.

"I love you." He says, still with eyes closed, only focused on the beat of his heart syncing with yours.

Once again, the drug of love leaves a reaction in your body.

"I love you too."

-

Then the next few days, there was an ounce of hope.

Oikawa's nights were full of sleepless hours and what makes him stay awake is you, or at least how broken you were.

He couldn't help but imagine how you were in deep helplessness and you couldn't even gather the courage to call him because you thought he was more important than your own emotions. He imagines how you'd rather push your screams onto the pillow instead of voicing them out or even how you chose to smile for him after heavy hours of being accompanied by stress and insecurity.

It haunts him how he called you selfish, how he made you think that it was your fault for even being his- supporting him even. He needed you- he did but this thought is always surpassed by the fact that he always wanted to be number 1, to beat his own demons and the ever mocking Shiratorizawa.

He couldn't even remember where he took off practice to stay with you. He often visits your room to rest for a while but he barely gets to do that nowadays. During the mornings was his opportunity to give you a fraction of his time but something so simple he still forgets.

So, he makes up for it.

Even with the help of Iwaizumi, Oikawa goes home by 6pm so he spends the night with you even if it's for a few hours only. If he was going to prove himself to you, he'd do with a 100% of his body.

He was on the brim of losing you and he wasn't going to let himself be the reason for you to walk out of his life.

"What's wrong?" You asked as he laid in your lap, stroking his hair.

"I'm just happy that's all." You leaned your head on the pillow as he takes your hand, intertwining it with his kissing it once again.

There it was, the bad kind of butterflies that swarmed around you.

You wished you didn't forgive him that fast, it was nearly a day when you forgave him. The space that he mentioned basically meant nothing as he also gave in to it. He struck a nerve that day yet you went and took his apology like you've begged for it.

You did wanted to avoid him at all costs because there was never a moment where his insults didn't replay in your mind. You needed for him to realize that he had caused another split to your heart, what you didn't expect is for it to happen within hours.

You thought that Oikawa would've argued with his ego before he could talk it out but it happened so instantly that it didn't give you enough time to rethink your decision of forgiving him.

Oikawa held onto his ego but he had to remember his heart or else he would've dropped yours instead.

"It's getting late, Tooru. You should go." You said sighing before planting a kiss on his forehead. He smiles before sitting up and embracing you tight like you could slip any moment now. You had your arms wrapped around him as his slow breaths rested on your neck.

"I love you, Y/N." He says, holding on to you longer.

"You need to go Tooru-"

"Why don't we go on a date on Friday?" He asks pulling away from you. You raised an eyebrow at him as he chuckles.

"I need to spend more time with you." That's when it was your turn to smile, it felt so good to lift the heavy feeling off your chest, seeing that he's genuinely trying to be the best for you.

Your hand reaches for his cheek, your heart swelling with joy as you look at him while he leans in to your touch.

"I'd love that." He grins as he pampers your face with kisses at how excited he was to see the smile on your lips return. You let out fits of giggles as he continues to cover your faces with delicate pecks.

"Tooru- baby!" You shout as he laughs before placing both hands on either side of your face.

"Good night love, hopefully you don't dream of me this time?" He teases making you roll your eyes as you sneakily land a peck on his lips.

"That isn't too bad." You said chuckling as he kisses your lips while you smiled before allowing your lips to move with his. You pull away, flicking his forehead with your finger.

"Go." You said laughing, he gives you a pout before sighing and taking his bag from the floor.

"I'll see you on Friday then?"

"You'll see me tomorrow, Tooru."

"That's even better." He leaves with a smile on his face while what remains on yours were heated cheeks.

It was good to feel how love flowed in your bloodstream again, it wasn't bad to take in some of it's harshness from time to time.

-

"Really? Oikawa hasn't brought that up." You pout as Iwaizumi shrugs beside you, it was Friday and your boyfriend decided to miss it for some odd reason.

Iwaizumi brought up the topic of an upcoming match and that Oikawa saw an article of how Ushijima takes the crowd by storm again. He's never mentioned it to you but you did notice how he'd walk you home and instead of staying, he'd leave for some specific reasons.

"Anyway, will you be there?" Hanamaki asks, biting into his apple. You nodded of course. You couldn't miss the opportunity to see him outwit the opposite team again.

"I just hope he doesn't go crazy with training again, Wakatoshi taunts him even through a photo. I don't wanna see him- forget about his health." You wanted to say how you wanted to avoid arguments but the boys seem to agree to what you said knowing Oikawa oversteps his strength all the time.

"I'll watch over him." Iwaizumi says looking at you while you smile at him, grateful that if you weren't always there- it was Iwaizumi that you can count on.

"Thanks, Haji."

"Are you not worried about my health, Y/N?" Hanamaki says pouting making you laugh while Mattsukawa flicks his forehead with a straw.

After classes, home was calling your name for you to get ready on your date. There was the familiar feeling that kicks in, how you got excited when his name on your phone lights up the dark room, or when you see his jacket on your bed- it was back. The love bug has returned, how the first bite felt like love was overwhelming but you wanted to handle it.

God, you felt so silly- acting like one of his fan girls who got noticed by him. You were lucky enough to even obtain the title of being his so of course your heart nearly leaped out of your chest when he admitted his feelings to you. Though, it felt good. After the whole argument, you were scared if that feeling can ever come back now that it did- you were more than relieved.

-

The clock goes on as you wait for him to arrive.

Sure, it had been a good 20 minutes that passed but you were assuming that there'd be a meeting since there was a match coming up so you let your patience take over for a while.

But 20 minutes grew into an hour, and an hour turned into 2 more.

You couldn't even cry because you knew, it was too good to be true. Storming out your house changing out of the outfit you initially planned, you chose to dress into something more comfortable knowing it wasn't going to happen anyway.

You knew where to go.

As your feet lead you to the Seijoh gym, your heart was growing darker with each step.

Hearing the sound of volleyballs impacting on the floor, you already knew.

"Oikawa! Go home!" Iwaizumi shouts while the stubborn setter shakes his head, spiking another ball, out of breath as he do so.

You heard Iwaizumi loud and clear, that was enough for you to run back home, to never face his lies again.

Maybe you were a fool for lovebugs- but the bite wasn't to make you fall in love.

It was for you to stop.

"Go home, Oikawa. C'mon." Mattsukawa says sighing while the first years were already bidding them goodbye. Iwaizumi waves them off and tells them to rest well while Oikawa was still spiking to no end.

"I can't- I need to beat them." He says panting while the other third years share a look, remembering your words.

"What about Y/N?" Iwaizumi asks and it seems like this doesn't hit Oikawa like it's supposed to.

"Yeah, isn't it Friday? Aren't you guys supposed to be on a date?" The moment it leaves Hanamakis mouth, Oikawa stops. Iwaizumi sighs in annoyance when he sees the way his best friends expression drop with shock.

"You forgot didn't you?" Mattsukawa asks and suddenly he's brought back to the moment where he found you crying, now realizing that it was to put up the fact that Oikawa was the only reason.

Suddenly, the silence of the gym surrounded him like a tight space while his mind went at war for his mistake.

"Fuck! I- I have to go." Oikawa stutters as he immediately grabs his bag but before he leaves, he sees how disappointed his teammates looked at him. He looks away as he runs to cut the distance between you and him.

"This isn't going to be good for the both of them." Iwaizumi says sighing before picking up a few stray balls. The other two agree sadly but they hope that you two would be able to withstand the issue.

But Mattsukawa feels like you were at the tip of the cliff already.

After a few minutes, dozens of knocks awoke you from your corner as you knew who was at the other end.

"Y/N? Let me in please.." He begs through the door as you felt the tears continue to drip down your cheeks. You closed your eyes as Oikawa leans his head on the door, praying you'd open it.

And you did.

Your heart was numb, your eyes were giving out but watching him stand there made you feel alive, because you knew this was the last time you'll ever let the drug of love fool you again.

"Y/N- I'm so sorry I just we had a project and-"

"I didn't think you'd still lie to me." You said with a dry voice as his heart was pinned by your words.

"I didn't even know there'd be a match." You added, chuckling bitterly as Oikawa bites his lip looking down. You let out another laugh, the red hue of love was fading in your system turning into a deeper shade of how you've let the toxicity slip from your notice.

"I'm so fucking sorry-"

"Tell me then, can beating Ushijima bring you everything you've ever wanted?"

He was quiet. You put him in a spot where he shows too much hesitation that you wished you didn't even ask in the first place.

"And if you won, I guess that's when you can realize to put your health first." You continued stepping forward as his eyes looked at your exhausted ones.

You surprised him by tugging onto his shirt, gripping it with every might left in your body. You held him because there was nothing else for you to hold onto.

You tried to grab the last thread of love strapped in your body but it seems to have been cut when you saw him at the gym.

He didn't know if he could hold you because this a whole other side of you he prays to never see again. He just wanted the warmth of your skin on him but why was it that you felt the coldest to him?

"So please tell me, what do I have to do for you to stop choosing me?"

You said this with every timbre of your voice trembling as you land a firm punch to his chest then turning your back to him, letting out a sob.

"I understand, Tooru. God- I always have and it fucking sucks that I know I can't do anything about it." Oikawa looks at you, adrenaline rushing to his heart when it sinks in.

"I can't choose, Y/N. You're making this hard for me because I love both." His voice cracks at the idea of choosing between you and a sport he's loved since he was a kid. His dreams that he wants nothing more then to happen, while he visualizes a possible future with you.

"I've always known what you'd choose, I just wish I fucking knew when I needed to stop believing that it could be me." You were defeated and naïve, you should've known that it would bring you to this conversation over and over again. You tilt your head, harshly gasping for air as you sniffle, the heaviness of your eyes taunting you to sleep the pain away in hopes it'd be a dream instead.

"Y/N stop fucking saying that- you're acting like I didn't try and give you everything that I could!" He yells, his own eyes brimming up tears. You were surprised to hear this but seeing how his cheeks and ears were painted red, you knew that he's been trying to release all the things he wanted to say.

"And I did the same yet you always turn it on me, Tooru! All I've been saying is that I just wanted you to make me feel like I could be at the top of your list- even for a second but I just keep getting played over and over again." You rambled on and what makes you crack under the pain was a scoff.

"You knew what game you were playing, why didn't you stop?" He didn't attempt to stare at you since his question felt like it was mocking you.

You should've left. The moment where the crowd cheers for him while your shouts became the weakest, you should've known.

Oikawa did too.

He thought you would've gone and walked away when you had the chance but what shocks him is that you stayed. There's a voice in his head that tells him that what you two had can never remain permanent but he held onto his beliefs that he could make you stay no matter how difficult the game was.

"Because I fucking love you too much Tooru! God if I could just- get it out of my fucking veins then maybe I could realize how I've gone into a trap instead." You shouted, walking towards him with both your eyes wishing for it to be over.

"What trap are you talking about Y/N! I love you just as much as you did and I tried to make things work but it- isn't working anymore." His voice fades with his ending sentence while you've gone to a corner, sobbing and sliding off the wall, sitting on the floor as every ounce of love dies on you when you hear him.

"I don't know- it's a word that I can never know what it means- I can admit that it is scary." You said looking at the night sky, with your knees to your chest as Oikawa smiles fondly at your words.

"What's so scary about falling in love?"

You look at him before answering.

"Everything."

"Maybe I can show you that it can be beautiful." He says, staring into your orbs. You smiled at his words before resting your hand on top of his while he blushes before intertwining them.

"What if it hurts?" You ask him, adjusting your position as you listened to his convincing words.

"Love always hurts." He says sadly, chuckling in order to ease how bitter it was. He sees how your reaction didn't falter because you knew it was true, so with his hand lifting your chin to meet his eyes, he speaks.

"But that doesn't mean I can't take some of the pain away."

You felt Oikawas presence beside you as he leans his head on your shoulder closing his eyes as two people were tired of ripping each others heart.

"Maybe you should set me free." You whispered, your voice gave out, like your last words. Oikawa sucks in a harsh breath as you close your own eyes and he sees the final tear fall from your cheek.

"But I really don't want to."