#I can’t wait to either make a gifset of you know what when it’s out; or to reblog it from someone else who may make it

[soranatus]

SPOILERS FOR ATSV

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

So… green and purple, huh

[peterman-spideyparker]

Half-Wrong (College!Matt Murdock x college!fem!Reader)

Author’s Note: Howdy folks, ya girl somehow caught Covid during the worst week possible! I have a 102 fever and I don't really remember writing this cuz I've been taking a lot of naps, so if it doesn't make sense and has errors I'm sorry. I saw that Owen Sleater gifset (iykyk) and rolled with it. Enjoy :)

Summary: You have been attracted to Matt Murdock ever since the pair of you met at the coffee shop on campus on move-in day, but you knew he'd never feel the same way about you - this became especially true once you got insight on his romantic life. So when you find him waiting for you after you come back from a date, you take a chance.

Warnings: Sweet platonic fluff, close friendship vibes, kissing, smut (oral - f!receiving, sexy oral m!condom put on, protected sex, p in v sex), swearing

Other Characters: Foggy Nelson, ofc (Cassie)

Word Count: 2,844

“C’mon, just a little more,” you huff as you move your run to a jog on the sidewalk. “A little bit more, and then we’ll be back at the dorms.”

“I don’t get why you think this is the best way to exercise,” Matt huffs as he puts his hands up in a T shape.

“You like boxing, I like a good run. Potato, potahto. The thing you should be thinking about is why you repeatedly agree and continue to go on runs with me,” you pant as you untie the tether that you use while you run—with Matt being unable to see and just how hard you imagine running with a cane would be, a tether to your waist to guide him and gently keep him out of the path of obstacles seemed like a good option.

“You know, I don’t think I’ve figured that part out yet, either. I mean, you do agree to box with me which is nice. But I think I just like spending time with you. Although, being tied with you does kind of make me feel like a dog.”

“Ah, but you’re such a kind, pretty dog with soft hair,” you smirk, ruffling his sweaty hair. “Such a good boy.”

“Alright, alright,” he chuckles, his cheeks flushing beyond the rosiness from the run. “Help me get to the cafe in the student union and I’ll buy us some waters.”

You press a kiss to his warm cheek and place his hand on your forearm. 

“Hey, are you still gonna join Foggy and I at Josie’s tonight?” he asks, his breathing sounding like it’s starting to return to normal as you both enter the nearby building.

“I thought that was tomorrow?” you return, navigating the pair of you through a small little self-serve concession area.

“No, tonight. You have plans?”

“Don’t sound too shocked.”

“I don’t mean it like that.”

“Okay. Then how did you mean it?”

“Well, just that you haven’t had plans in almost a year,” he exaggerates as he takes the waters you hand him.

“Excuse me, I have plans,” you say as you take the waters back and scan them, Matt rooting around in his shorts for his student ID.

“No, you have plans with your other friends semi-regularly. You never have date plans,” he clarifies as he swipes his ID to pay.

“I’m sorry all of us can’t be you with a new companion every few weeks.”

“I don’t have a ‘new companion’ every few weeks.”

“Oh, come on, Matt, don’t deny it,” you say as you drink your water. “Right now, it’s that girl from that IP law class, before that it was a dental student, then I think an international relations major? But let’s not forget about contract law girl, estate planning—.”

“Okay, fine, I’ve had a lot of short-term relationships.”

“Well, that’s great for you, but that’s not what I’m looking for,” you tell him. “I mean, I don’t expect anything right now to last forever, but, I don’t want it to be a four-week thing and then be done with it. If I’m gonna make plans with someone, it’s because I think I still might be making plans with them in five months.”

Matt nods and drinks some of his own water as you move back outside and in the direction of our dorms. “So, what’s this guy like? Where’d you meet?”

“Cassie actually set us up,” you say. “She said that he seemed like my type, like a really good guy.”

“Well, then, I’m happy you have plans tonight. I hope it goes well.”

“Thanks, Matt. I do, too. I mean, I have no reason to think they won’t. Just tell Foggy I’m sorry I’m gonna miss him tonight.”

“Of course.”

“Do I see a wild (Y/N) in one of her natural habitats?” you hear Foggy call from across the quad.

“Speak of the Nelson, and he shall appear!” you smile as he comes to wrap you in a hug. 

“I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages!”

“(Y/N) has a date tonight,” Matt says with a devilish grin.

“Matthew!” you say, giving him a swift whack. “This is exactly why I don’t tell you things.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I’m happy for you, really.”

“I am, too!” Foggy chimes in. “I’m bummed that it means you’ll miss drinks at Josie’s, but, it’s about time you get dicked down.”

“I need to hang out with more friends that are girls,” you sigh, taking a look at your watch. “I gotta go now if I want to take an everything shower.” Kissing each of their cheeks, you wave goodbye and run off to your dorm to get ready.

“I just don’t see it going anywhere,” you sigh as you enter the main lobby of your dorm building.

“Really?” Cassie asks over the phone.

“We work on paper, but there wasn’t any spark.”

“Maybe the spark is gonna take some time.”

“A spark shouldn’t take time, Cass. It should be right there I didn’t feel anything.”

“You can’t pin every guy against Matt, you know.”

“I’m not comparing everyone against Matt,” you scoff incredulously. 

“Yes, you are. Ever since you met. I bet you felt a spark with him.”

“So what if I did? It’s clear he didn’t with me, but . . .” You sigh and shake the thought out of your head. “I’m not an option for him. He’s a good person, but more importantly, he’s my friend. I’m not gonna spend my time fantasizing about something that’s never gonna happen.”

“HA.”

“You are so mean.”

“I’m sorry, it’s just a funny concept—you, not fantasizing.”

“Rude.”

“I’m your oldest friend, it’s my job.”

“I appreciate it. Listen, I just got to my door, I’m gonna call it a night.”

“Okay, (Y/N). Sleep well.”

“You too.”

Hanging up, you sigh as you put your phone back into your bag, hiking the strap up over your shoulder, slipping out your keys and undoing the old locks. You toss your purse on the nearby table, but freeze in your tracks when you see someone sitting on your bed. Not any someone. Matt.

“You shouldn’t be in here this late,” you breathe.

“I shouldn’t be in here at all,” he says softly, folding his glasses and putting them on your nightstand. “But why do something half-wrong?”

You slowly start to close the gap between where he sits and where you stand. “Matt . . .”

“If you want me to go, I will. Just say the word.”

“. . . Why now?”

“I don’t know. I just . . . I realized tonight when I was at Josie’s with Foggy that if you’re going to be kissing anyone, I want it to be me.”

You don’t care what you just told Cassie. Honestly, you don’t care about anything or how this could complicate your friendship or any of the consequences. Instead, you move to your bed, climb into his lap, and kiss him. That spark you first felt with Matt when you met is a full-blown lightning bolt now, every last bit of you tingling with electricity; you know Matt feels it too from the way his hands slide up your back and how his fingers card through your hair. Matt leans back on the mattress, letting you take the lead as you make out. His kisses gradually grow more aggressive—the clashing of teeth, nipping, squeezing, and grinding. Matt rolls your bodies over on the bed, eagerly but carefully pulling off your shirt.

“Please tell me you were anticipating this and have condoms on you,” you pant as he peppers kisses all over your torso.

“Mmm,” he hums into my body. Oh my God, I think I just came. “Four.”

“We’re using all of them.” You feel how his lips curl into a smile against your body, making you writhe before you scream out when he starts to suck on the sweet spot on your neck.

“Ambitious,” he hums, licking and kissing at the stinging spot on my neck.

“Oh, well, you know me,” you grunt, your fingertips scratching his scalp. “I love to go above and beyond.”

“Let’s shoot for two,” he says into your collarbone.

“Don’t think I can handle using them all?”

He lifts his face up to be level with yours. “I’m saying that you won’t be walking straight after one. If we use more than two, I’ll be carrying you around campus for a week.”

“Sound like a challenge.”

“It’s a guarantee.”

You both smile brightly before you kiss, and you bunch up the cotton of his shirt exposing his soft skin and toned muscles something out of a romance novel.

“Like what you see?” he smirks.

“You’re too cocky for your own good,” you sigh as you run a hand down his exposed body. “But as a matter of fact, I really, really do.”

“Well, if you’re thinking of doing what I think you are, angel . . . Tonight is about you, and treating you right. How I should’ve treated you a long time ago.” He leans down and kisses your lips before moving the embraces along your cheek to just below your ear. “Sit back and relax, sweetheart. I’m gonna take good care of you.”

You sigh as he presses kisses down your chest, nipping at your cleavage and soothing the sting of any bite with his lips. You pant in excitement under his touch as his hands wrap around my back, unclasping your bra and sliding it painfully slow off of your body. You let out a sigh and toss your head to the side as his lips wrap around your nipple, one of his hands on your free breast while the other hand holds onto yours. Matt takes his time as if he’s trying to map out your body in his mind with his lips. Gazing down, you catch a glimpse of how happy Matt looks as he drags his lips further down your torso, pressing a long kiss on your belly button before unbuttoning your pants to shimmy them off your legs. Tossing them to the floor, he kisses all the way up your legs before spreading them apart to nestle his face against your covered core. You whine at his careful and deliberate movements, lifting your hips to help him slide the fabric off. Matt’s fingers gently spread you open, exposing yourself completely to him.

“Oh, fuck, you’re gonna be the death of me,” he breathes. “So perfect for me.”

Carefully, he lets out a soft breath on your pussy before leaning forward and wrapping his lips around your clit.

“Oh!” you cry out. “Fuck . . .”

Your toes curl as Matt works his magic, and your eyes flutter shut as you let your mind get caught up in all the things that Matt is making you feel. If you had known he could make you feel like this—if you knew he even felt an inkling of the same way toward your, you would’ve done something to let him know that you care about him more more than a friend.

“Matty,” you breathe, running your fingers through his hair. “Oh, Matt, just like that. So good.”

You watch as Matt tries to lift his gaze upward to meet yours, his beautiful hazel eyes sparkling with delight as he eats you out. You swallow hard, throwing your head back as you feel your orgasm quickly approach. You cry out when you feel him slide two fingers into you, curling them just right to throw you over the edge. Your body arches off of the mattress as you cry out, your thighs clenching around his head. Matt’s tongue cleans up every last drop of your arousal before kissing all the way back up your body.

“You taste so good, angel,” he murmurs into your lips. “You ready for me?”

“Please,” you breathe, kissing him deeply. “I need you.”

He grins, kissing you again before leaning back and undoing his pants, shimmying them down enough to free his cock from the fabric before he reaches in his pocket to grab a condom. He is absolutely huge—delightfully so, and I feel the space between my legs instantly flood at the sight of him. Now what he said about not walking straight makes total sense, and not Matt just being cocky.

“All the way off,” you demand with a smile.

“Your wish is my command, sweetheart.”

You bite your lip in excitement as he gets completely naked while you tear open the little foil package.

“C’mere,” you grin as you drink him in as he kneels on your bed, completely and utterly bare.

Matt licks his lips, doing as you ask, folding his arms behind his head. Fuck, he has to know what he’s doing when he rests like that. Carefully, you crawl over to him, putting the tip of the condom in your mouth before you wrap your hand around his base and bring your head down his length. Your jaw hurts as you go down his thick cock, but you manage to get it all the way down. When you get back up, you see how lust-blown Matt’s expression is, how flushed his cheeks and chest are.

“That was so fucking hot,” he hums. “Get over here, angel.”

With a smile, you move to meet him in a kiss, a new passion in the embrace that hand’t been there before.

“You ready for me?” he breathes.

“Yeah,” you nod eagerly as you dip down for a kiss.

With firm hands on your hips, he guides you down on his cock. You moan in harmony as he gets deeper and deeper in you, and it feels like you’re going to get split in two the further he goes. When you’re all the way down, he pulls you in for a deep kiss.

“Are you okay?” he breathes when your lips part.

“I’m okay,” you assure him. “You’re big."

“And you’re tight,” he smirks. “You good for me to move?”

“Oh, fuck, please.”

“Such good manners.”

With another kiss and a smile, Matt wraps his arms around you so your back is on the mattress and he’s hovering above you. You feel the sweet sting from the drag of his cock as he pulls out before pushing back in, testing and stretching you slowly as he starts to establish a rhythm. Your lips part as you feel more pleasure with each of Matt’s thrusts, one of your hands moving to his bicep and creating little crescent moons in his soft skin as he moves faster and faster.

“Right there,” you breathe. “Shit . . . Matt, yes, right there.”

“Good girl,” he hums. “So good taking my cock like that.”

“K-Kiss me,” you stutter, feeling your second orgasm approaching.

Looking at you tenderly, he leans down and kisses you long and slow, staying lower to keep little space between our bodies.

“You’re perfect,” he breathes, kissing your cheek. “So perfect.”

“Matt, ‘m close,” you whimper.

“Whenever you’re ready.” His hand cradles the side of your face, kissing you once more.

You bite your lip, stifling your moan as you come around Matt, your body clinging to his as he continues to move his hips, his skin flushing as he grunts, approaching his own release, spilling into the condom. He kisses you all over as your breathing steadies, pulling out and tossing the condom into the trash before wrapping you in his arms and kissing your wherever his lips can find skin.

“Matt,” you chuckle softly as he sucks marks into your collarbone.

“Shh,” he hums, kissing the marks to soothe them.

“Matt, it tickles!”

You feel his lips curl into a smile as he presses kisses up your neck. “I’ve always loved your laugh. This is just another way I can hear it.”

“And it’s another way I can see your smile.” You lean in, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. “You know, I bet if you give me enough time in between, we can use up all the condoms.”

“You think?”

“Nothing saying we can’t try.”

“Ambitious girl,” he smiles.

“It’s part of my charm. Why you like me. Why we work well together.”

“One of the reasons, yeah. There’s plenty of others, though.”

“Oh?”

“Mm.” He kisses your forehead. “I’ve got a whole list.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” 

You giggle at the silence and look at him. “Are you gonna tell me any?”

Matt’s fingers trace aimless patterns on your skin. “I think you already know them, angel. But I’ll tell you one every day. Today, it’s your ambition. Tomorrow . . .” He lets out a breath. “It’ll be whatever feels right for me to point out.”

“Well, I’ve got a list, too. And right at the top is how safe you make me feel. How special you make me feel. How loved." You kiss his chest. "Tomorrow’s something might have to do with your nose.”

Matt’s expression is filled with tenderness, closing the gap between you once more, holding onto you and letting you rest right above his heart.

Permanent Taglist: @majesticavenger​ @steampowerednightvaler​ @themusingsofmany @just-the-hiddles​ @toozmanykids​ @dangertoozmanykids101 @clints-worldavengers @theburningbookshop​ @itwasthereaminuteago​ @peter1ismybrother@hellskitchens-whore​​ @dpaccione​ @catnip987​

Matt Murdock Taglist: @two-unbeatable-beaters

[mercurygray]

Hi I sent a request earlier for Brady and “your O.C.”

I’m so sorry. I only wrote your oc bc I totally blanked on Fred’s name at the moment I was writing the request lol. 🤦🏻‍♀️

But I have read a lot of your fics and I adore the characters and the way you write. I adore Fred and Brady. Fred deserves all of the love and I can’t wait to read more.

Please don't feel bad! No sorry! There's a lot of other history and other reasons behind that post and if you're new here you would not know any of this!

When I first joined this fandom in 2020, there was this kind of unfortunate pattern where some users would just leave a prompt asking for a character, or a character 'and your oc' or they'd leave an entire outline of the story they wanted to write but couldn't be bothered to do, or they'd leave the same prompt for five or six people and it wasn't ever about that writer, or appreciating that writer's work - it was just about getting 'more content' for the canon character they liked. And it was always on anon, and they never left comments and they never said thank you and I watched a lot of good writers get burnt out writing those things that they never got appreciation for.

Because to that other user they were just a vending machine. (You will hear a lot of people who were in fandom during that time use that phrase, because a lot of us felt it.)

I'm not a vending machine. I'm a human being who does this for the joy of making other human beings feel things, and I like to know when you want to reach through your computer screen and make faces at me. It's why I'm trying to get better at leaving comments on gifsets and reblogging fanfic that makes me smile, because those people aren't vending machines, either.

I started doing Thirsty Thursdays during that time, and I decided that I was going to be very specific and very intentional about what my prompts are, and what they're for, because otherwise I was going to get a lot of angry people asking why I wouldn't take their request for readerfic. (Answer: because that's not part of my writing practice. Sorry. It's nothing personal.)

So when my random Fred Friend comes into my inbox on anon after almost every single drabble and says thank you, and when someone sends me a picture of a pink dress 'for Marion' and when you, Kind Anonymous Friend, come and give prompts and say you love Fred, that means so, so much to me, because it reminds me I'm not a vending machine. Thank you for doing that.

[deepestbluesky]

[the not actual image description is that this is a very barebones powerpoint in which each slide has picture(s) of a kinnporsche character and bullet point text describing it. the full text is under the cut below the latter set of pictures.]

all text from @minnarr​!!! now, onwards

[title slide] minna explains kinnporsche without knowing it

[kinn] kinn ● eyebrows ● was written lowkey as RPF of actor who plays him and i would like to never think about that but people remind me constantly ● smiling imp emoji ● also this man has a lot of buttons open but if that coat is red i approve

[porsche] this IS porsche right? his bangs are actually covering his forehead ● he's kinn's bodyguard? which is the opposite casting to what I thought would be true before I figured out which was which. He just looks very mild. Protect him. ● something deeply wrong with him but i haven't absorbed enough to know if it's personal or systemic ● lol sometimes if you change anything about the hairline i do not recognize a person ● (porsche i think of as having like 90s heartthrob hair for some reason) ● [upon seeing bodyguard hairstyle] i must inflate my hair to look intimidating. like a bird.

[porchay] oh... i don't know ● he looks like he's 17 but also I'm trash at judging ages. DOES look like he's waiting until he can go back to his video game ● [would you like to make any guesses or nah?] at names? god no ● i know like 3 names that i can't match to anyone and i know them wholly disconnected from anything about them as people ● pete? is this Pete? ● i have no idea how anyone besides kinn and porsche even fit in the story

[tankhun] i think this might be tankhun ● REALLY loving this matching coat and cape in colorful floral ● do his pants have fun organic cutouts ● no wait those are shiny leather boots ● or pants. ok ● wow this is a look. ok. well this man is NOT doing the fighting. he is either very scary or very fun. or both. ● IS he the third crime brother or is my brain just insisting literally everyone has this surname ● one thing this show does is let men wear fun things

[pete] is THIS Pete ● i saw a vegaspete gifset either today or yesterday and the only thing i retained about pete's face is that he looked nice ● good laugh 10/10 what is he doing here ● bought a 10pk of white hanes tshirts and got invited to whatever This is ● (i don't know if this last is even remotely accurate to his vibe or if I'm judging on 1 picture and faint memory) ● either vegas is the sex dungeon haver or I'm hilariously wrong about Pete's vibe

[kim] kim (crime bros surname)???? ● the guy who would be besties with nie huaisang ● he looks like he's here to have fun and take pictures on his phone to save to his terrifyingly extensive blackmail folder ● again he has little brother energy ● i do like his face. i wanna see him in scenes ● like the way you distantly blorbo people from gifs. he's my favorite kp guy.

[vegas] vegas ● [within 1 second of seeing picture] sex dungeon ● please save his hedgehog ● he's one of the 3 people i can name

[korn] ...d..dad? ● i frankly did not know this show had anyone other than pretty 20-30 year old men ● [we talked about this and you went 'there are OLD PEOPLE?'] i have simply never seen them!!! ● ok he's either crime dad or the guy who's the reason kp are sleeping in like military-ass transports and getting helicoptered to safety ● (rival crime boss?)

[kun] also i think the first old man is the villain and the second older man is crime dad ● Oh No I Like Him ● otoh he could be crime dad and the fashion is genetic ● otoh. delightful dissipated uncle when ● i still think he should be the uncle who is no help at all but is very excited to hear about what dumb thing his nephews are getting up to now with vibes of kind of wanting to be on the young people's level. upside can be counted on for resources at odd moments but only if it's for a stupid purpose ● i don't think that's what he is but i want it for the crime bros

[slide with no picture] pause to recap ● ok so [for the first five] we have kinnporsche tanhkun fabulous crime brother flannelboy (tentatively porchay) and Pete ● if that's all the young people btw I'm locking in porchay? on flannelboy ● fuck if i know maybe one of the young dudes is the villain. maybe it's vegas. maybe it's brother vs brother.

[yok] my best friend ● i love her ● fashion is a little glitzy maybe to be porsche's friend even though i wanted that for him....does kinn have friends he seems like he probably mostly hangs out with family and people he pays to be around him ● lighting is very clubby tho so like ● just club clothes ● i have no clue how she fits in but i bet she has a nice laugh and takes no shit

[slide with multiple pictures - the first one is ken] ● trust fund brat ● i know they're not british but he has such POWERFUL unbearable character on Sherlock energy ● either that or like baby's first (very nice) suit

[big] ● oh!!!! it's a uniform!!!! ● these two are like lower level bodyguards. or kinn's actual family-hired bodyguards and kinn like hired porsche after a weird meet-ugly involving gunfire and now the vibe is awkward ● this one is anxious

[middle text] .... bad analogy probably need a better wording but to use cql again. first bodyguard is the sizhui and second bodyguard is the Jingyi the Calm One and the one you need to tell Calm Down

[slide with two pictures - the first one is tay] ● also omg this was dyed hair boy ● i was picturing BOTH kim(?) and this man. amalgam gossip friend. ● also the flowy pants/all white/heeled boot/"are you talking to me?" look ● extremely good

[chan] ● kim's bodyguard for the thousandth time telling him no, you need to stay where it's safe ● this is probably incorrect and I'm now just judging anyone with a lapel pin a bodyguard ● this is a very bouncer vibe tho

[macau] ● this one actually is a teenager, right? that looks like a school uniform shirt although maybe not bc idk what school with embroidered patch uniform shirts is also like sure boys can wear hoops [we give away my extremely usamerican Christian school experience] ● better caption What Is a Child Doing Here

[extra text for macau] have i miscalculated did i either misassign a crime boy or are there 4 crime boys. i feel like one of these children should be here for family reasons wait unless one is porsche's brother not this one flannelboy [a picture of the i’ve connected the dots meme]

[slide with two pictures - the first is arthee] ● :( ● give him a cup of tea and a bandaid ● he just looks sad for some reason! ● who are you woebegone man

[time] ● i would not have chosen the turtleneck ● i know the other shirt is also turtleneck but this is "shirt i wore in the 90s" mockneck and i cannot define why it makes me want to laugh ● he is doing bad cosplay of bleach mullet ● that NECKLACE is NOT HELPING

[slide with three pictures - the first is tawan] ● surprisingly the first shirtless boy ● i like his hair, he looks a little smarmy, the vanity mirror + shirtless is giving me either he's in showbiz or he has too many people in private rooms ● do love the noir blinds thing happening. maybe he's a femme fatale. ● i looked at him and literally thought "hair goals" lmaooo

[jom and tem] ● they look nice and also the set dressing is SO suburban ● if i had to assign them a fic trope it's accidental child acquisition fake (or real) marriage ● they are on the pta ● (i truly have no idea)

[arm] oh no i love his vibe and his glasses ● 'i know organized crime needs shady bookkeepers/lawyers/IT professionals but did it have to be me, with these particular criminals' ● my first thought was "cast him as Indiana Jones" bc hair and glasses so that's just send me back to first impression

[thefloorisbalaclava]

your mouth yells it hates me, but your tongue screams it can't wait for me [javier peña x f!reader]

gif courtesy of @nicolethered and the quote the title is from is by Kerry E. Wagner.

Pairing: Javier Peña x F!Reader Words: 1,160 Warnings: Arguing, shit-talking, angry kissing/making out

Summary: You and Javier hate each other...at least you thought you did.

A/N: This comes from some tags I left on a gifset saying that I'd let Javier tell me off then make out with me. An anon told me that would be an interesting fic idea so...here it is.

[javier masterlist]

You watched the man in front of you stomp as he walked. You scoffed and rolled your eyes.

“What was that?” he asked, looking over his shoulder.

“I didn’t say anything,” you mumbled. “I wish you’d slow down, though.”

“I have a better idea. How about you keep up?” He turned his head forward again.

“Look, I don’t wanna be stuck with you either, but it happened. You acting like a petulant child won’t make it any better,” you said as he walked around to the driver’s side.

“Get in the fucking car,” he said.

“Don’t talk to me that way, Peña.” You were getting angrier by the minute. He slipped his aviators on and completely ignored you. “Asshole,” you mumbled. You climbed into the jeep and slammed the door shut.

“Can’t fucking believe this,” he complained under his breath.

“Sorry, I'm not your precious Murphy,” you said mockingly.

“We don’t have to talk, you know.” He gripped the steering wheel tightly. You only shrugged and stayed silent the rest of the way.

You grabbed your tac vest from the backseat and hopped out. You were usually an expert at securing your vest, but today you couldn’t get it right. You needed help. Your eyes found Javier, who was talking to another officer.

“Fuck that,” you mumbled, opting to ask a guy closer to you. Javier turned around just in time to see the man smiling at how close he was to you.

“Hey!” he called over to you. “You ready?”

“Yeah,” you said before turning to the officer who helped you. “Thanks.”

You followed Javier before branching off to another entryway. It only took one nod, and you were breaking the door down. You looked left then right, signaling the other men to check the rooms.

“I’m going up,” you said, climbing the stairs cautiously.

“Wait! You—” Javier watched you bound up the stairs. “Fuck!” He followed you angrily, hoping no one was up there so he could say what he needed. By the time he got up there, you were holstering your weapon.

“All clear. Bad tip,” you said before trying to brush past him. He stopped you with a hand on the front of your vest.

“What the fuck, Peña. Get off.” You shoved his hand away.

“What the fuck was that?” he asked.

“What was what?”

“Cut the bullshit!” he yelled.

“Don’t fucking yell at me!”

“You never clear rooms on your own. Don’t do it again. You could’ve gotten yourself killed!” he shouted.

“Oh, and that would just be devastating for you, huh?” you mocked.

“If you wanna get yourself killed, fine.” He threw his hands up.

“It’s not like you care anyway,” you complained.

“Why the fuck do you do that?” he asked.

“What?”

“You always have to argue. Sometimes it’s a good idea to just shut up,” he sighed.

“Okay, so why don’t you?” you retorted.

He chuckled bitterly. “You wanna do this here? Okay. You’re a stubborn, spoiled little know-it-all brat!” Your eyebrows shot up, and he kept going. “You stress me out. You nag. And you don’t know when to shut up!”

“You piece of shit! You think everyone is just supposed to do what you tell them? You’re not the boss here, Peña, and you never will be with that arrogant asshole attitude of yours.”

He stormed up to you. “I knew you were fucking trouble from the day you walked through the door!”

“Why? Because I wouldn’t fuck you? You have a lot of nerve calling someone else trouble.”

Now you were in each other’s spaces, breathing heavily, tense, angry.

“Shut the hell up,” Javier said before kissing you. You bit his lip, and he pulled away with a hiss.

“You first.” Then you were kissing again. You both stumbled around the empty floor, angrily and wildly making out.

“Is this what it takes to get you to keep quiet?” he teased.

“Is this what it takes to get you to be nice to me?” you retorted.

You both were smirking now then your back hit a wall. Javier tucked a finger under your chin, ensuring your eyes stayed on him. It was almost too intense—looking into his coffee-brown eyes.

“Is this one of your interrogation tactics?” you asked.

He shook his head, trying to hold back a chuckle. “Still talking?”

You shrugged. “Why’d you kiss me?”

“Because…every time you pout…your lips…they just….”

“Oh, is Javier Peña finally at a loss for words?”

“I think you took ‘em when you kissed me,” he joked.

“When I kissed you? You kissed me!” you argued.

“Arguing again,” he chuckled before kissing you softly. “I may have kissed you, but you kissed me back.”

This time when you tried to argue, nothing came out.

“Hm,” he grunted before backing away from you. And just in time because an officer ran upstairs to check on you both. “We’re good!” Javier shouted to the man.

“We heard yelling and…” the man started.

“Just a little…disagreement.” Javier looked at you with a smirk. “Right?”

“R-right,” you stammered. “We’ll be down in a minute.” You pushed yourself off the wall and walked past Javier to the stairs.

“Wait.” He grabbed your arm gently.

“Did you…feel anything?” he asked.

“Feel anything?”

“When we kissed. Something electric?”

Truth be told, those few kisses had you feeling many things. “Maybe a little. I might need to test it out again.”

“Fucking tease,” he scoffed. He followed you down the stairs and moved closer to you so no one else could hear. “I’m gonna kiss the brat right outta you.”

“And I’ll kiss the jerk right out of you.”

“You promise?” he asked as he got into the jeep.

“I promise.”

The tension had lifted during the drive back to the station. And you noticed that you both rested your hands on the center console and let your pinkies touch repeatedly. It was a silent gesture—one that had you smiling to yourself.

When you returned, neither of you wanted to get out of the car. You knew that you both had to slip back into character. Everyone knew you two hated each other.

“So,” Javier sighed.

“So…” You steeled yourself in preparation.

“I think we should see each other outside of work,” he said, taking you by surprise.

“Okay, but what if someone finds out?”

He shrugged. “Then they find out.” Before you came up with another argument, he put his finger to your lips. “No arguing.”

You kissed his finger, and he pulled it away with a smile. “Fine. No arguing.”

You finally got out of the car and tried to get yourself back in character. The rest of the day was hard.

Before you left, you found a note on your desk scribbled in handwriting you knew all too well...

Dinner tomorrow?

You looked over at Javier’s desk; his eyes were already on you. You nodded once and slipped the note into your pocket.

[backofthebookshelf]

The DMCA and You; or, why Tumblr won’t get sued over Post+

 I keep seeing people saying “doesn’t Tumblr understand they’re inviting an avalanche of lawsuits” and being baffled that people think this, and then I remembered that most of you were not both alive and in fandom in 1998 and therefore probably haven’t spent hours reading through the DMCA trying to figure out exactly how it was going to screw us. (Turns out we were right, but not nearly pessimistic enough.) So gather ‘round, children, it’s time for another bout of fandom history.

You have to understand what the internet looked like in 1998. Most people didn’t have internet access at home, and for those who did, you got a whopping 54 kbps (yes, that’s kilobytes per second) (compare that to 4G wireless, which 14 Mbps, not to mention, you know, wireless) unless you wanted to shell out for ISDN, which was twice the speed and five times the cost. Only 47% of American adults “went online” at all, never mind the two to six hours per day that current internet users are estimated to spend.

And I mean, why would you? There wasn’t that much there. If you wanted to post something online, your first and best option was to pay for web hosting of your own, or mooch off a friend’s. Or you could get a Geocities site, which would be plastered with ads and limited you to such a small amount of storage that you couldn’t have more than a couple dozen low-resolution images at best, or you could post on a message board (which would be essentially mooching off of a friend’s paid web hosting, because most sites that hosted message boards were just some guy who wanted to have a place to chat with his friends that wasn’t a Yahoo! email list), where you might get permission to post three or four images at a time. Music? Rude, takes up too much bandwidth, don’t do that to people. Video? You’re hilarious. (I once left my computer on for a week while I attempted to illegally download a copy of Velvet Goldmine but I finally gave up and got it from the video store instead.)

But still, at the time that was magic, and as more and more stuff found its way online, somebody who held a copyright somewhere (read: music studios and Disney) realized they had to get out in front of things. And into this brave new world came the Digital Millennium Copyright Act, which was passed in 1998 and was already skewing the shape of the internet of the future when it came into effect in 2000.

It did a lot of dumb things but the one we’re concerned about is the “safe harbor” provision, which basically says that in the case of an online copyright infringement, there are three parties: the infringer, the copyright holder, and the internet host, and the host is not a part of the copyright dispute.

Prior to this, if Sony or Disney or whoever found an illegal copy of their intellectual property (read: an mp3 or an avi) online, they’d go after whoever owned the server it lived on. Which made sense! If you find stolen TVs in someone’s basement, you go after the guy who owns the basement, and “I didn’t know my deadbeat brother in law was stealing TVs” is something you’ll have to prove in a court of law.

But internet companies like Geocities and Yahoo! and anyone else who offered random users the chance to post things on the internet using a free account said wait a minute, this doesn’t make sense. Because the internet is not like a physical basement; we have no reason to see someone carrying stolen mp3s down the basement stairs, and the scale is such that we couldn’t see all of them if we tried (unless we banned all mp3s, which means goodbye, MySpace, and goodbye indie bands). You wouldn’t go after a landlord in New York because their tenant in New Jersey is stealing TVs, would you?

So the DMCA said fine, we understand that the internet as it currently exists, and as it is attempting to exist (remember this is still the height of the dot.com boom and people are making money hand over fist by just owning websites), can’t operate if we try to do this. So instead of letting big companies sue big companies over copyright law, we’ll let big companies sue individual humans over copyright violations. That’s much more fair.

Of course most of what resulted wasn’t lawsuits at all; it was individuals getting threatening letters from Sony and Disney promising them that they were planning to sue but if you, Joe User, will just delete the thing you posted from the internet, we’re willing to make this all go away. And people did, because fuck, who’s going to duke it out with Disney?

The DMCA is the reason tumblr exists in the first place (not to mention twitter, and facebook, and essentially the entire part of the internet that isn’t either an ad or a news website). Technically, if tumblr was responsible for copyright violations, they’re already a prime target for a lawsuit, because they’re running ads on a website where people post copyright violations on a daily basis. Adding the opportunity for you to make money off your copyright violations doesn’t make them any more liable than they already are, which is not at all.

So here’s what predict will happen with Post+ at the beginning: absolutely nothing. A few people will monetize gifsets or fanfiction or vids and no one will pay attention and no one will care. But some small creators, people who post original fiction, people who post craft patterns, people who post insightful analysis, will start using it as part of their actual revenue stream. Sooner or later someone will be making enough money that it pings someone’s radar, and sooner or later someone making money will slip up and post something that could plausibly be a copyright violation, and they won’t get sued. They’ll get a takedown notice, a threatening letter from whoever owns the thing they infringed upon (...so Disney), and they’ll pull the thing. But it’s hard to pull things from the internet, much harder than it used to be, and nearly impossible the way tumblr works. So they get another takedown notice. Or Disney’s lawyers go through their blog with a fine-toothed comb and they start getting more and more unreasonable takedown notices, but now they’re scared and fuck, who’s going to duke it out with Disney? So they take their blog down entirely, and now that person is a little bit poorer and Disney is out the cost of four or five stamps and envelopes and the time their lawyer spent fifteen years ago drafting the takedown notice template.

I guarantee you that the people who decided to implement this know that this is going to happen, and they do not care. We’ve reached the “we could make this website work if we could just get rid of fandom” stage, which never ends well for the website but they never seem to learn that. So please, please don’t try to monetize fandom content on the assumption that tumblr is going to be the one to get slapped with a lawsuit for it, that’s just not how it works. It never has been and it never will be.

[waitmyturtles]

I’m allowing myself to indulge in a few spoiler gifsets of the last episode of The Eclipse before I watch it tonight, and oooooomgggggg I can’t WAAAAIIIITTTTTTT. CAN’T. WAIT.!.!.!.

To wile away the time before the kids are in bed, I’ll take quick note of a new/old dorama I’ve picked up, another one in the Machida Keita rabbithole:

So I complained a bit during my Three Star Bar review that I think some of Machida’s projects are underutilizing his acting ability (and it looks like there are some serious duds on the list, like a show about him switching identities with his grandmother??), which is unfortunate, because if the gateway to his work, as it was for me, was Cherry Magic, then we were seriously spoiled with a rock solid and wide-ranging performance. I wonder if there’s analysis out there about BL projects being ones that really push actors to move beyond their usual range limits -- I certainly feel that way about Takeda Kouhei in Old Fashion Cupcake now that I’m seeing him in a much more limited role in Banshaku no Ryuugi, and I know he was with our darling Akaso Eiji in a Kamen Rider series. I probably need to watch more BL projects to make that judgement overall, but I’ll just make the assumption for now that BL pushes otherwise pigeonholed actors to dive into material that’s well outside their usual range (with a probable exception being Kinou Nani Tabeta, with Nishijima Hidetoshi and Uchino Seiyou being ridiculously talented in anything they do).

Okay, so anyway, with this dang rabbithole, I’m plodding through Super Rich, and I watched Three Star Bar, and I indulgently (shower scenes) and patiently (fake crying) got through Teppachi!, and these shows are fine, but certainly not showcases for any sort of boundary-pushing creativity. The material is either steady or light, and the acting required is relatively pedestrian. (Although Akaso Eiji does make Super Rich watchable, the plot is just pretty slow and unexciting.)

In other words, if Machida is pigeonholed into a straight-guy-in-a-straight-role situation, you’re just not gonna see much by way of his real ability to act rangefully (allow me this word, ha).

So recently, my Tumblr dash highlighted a post from the “Based off the tags you follow!” algorithm (why the exclamation point, Tumblr?), and it was a very short review of a 2018 NHK show called “Life as a Girl,” which stars Shison Jun as an utterly fabulous transgender woman named Ogawa Miki, and Machida as her former high school classmate, who ends up living with Miki while he gets out of debt. And the review piqued my interest because it basically said, WATCH THIS, and Machida plays a himbo, and well, THAT’S gonna get me curious, because what the hell does that mean?

And this is SUCH. A. GOOD. SHOW. A SERIOUSLY GOOD SHOW. 

I’m only on episode two, and there are only four episodes, which I already know is a damn shame, but sometimes NHK does this thing where they get CRAZY creative for a really short series. And surprisingly, for a show that has a transgender main character, NHK aired this on Friday nights at 10 pm, which is not the usual midnight slot that other Japanese channels give to shows of boundary-pushing material. The episodes are 45 minutes each, allowing the plot and characters to really wind their way through complicated scenarios, like group blind dates and realizations about insecurity.

I’ll do a bigger review once I finish this, but essentially, NHK and the writers of this show do not allow any making fun of Miki, except when certain men ask her if she’s “cut her thing off,” which allows for a touch of a comedic element about gender-based issues that’s then almost immediately batted down by Miki, who loudly retorts about how rude those kinds of comments are. I honestly would have expected NHK to have demanded a more comedic approach to this material, but it is treated utterly seriously and with compassion.

So, Machida, himbo? More than that (although yes, there are himbo elements). First off -- he plays a comedic character, acting essentially as a foil to Miki’s serious commitment to her life decision to live as a woman. In essence, his comedy is rooted in how Miki sees cishet men as generally ridiculous. She has not had any surgery yet, and has been living as a woman for a number of years by the time we meet her.

When Machida’s character, Goto, meets her, he’s in need of a place to stay, and is unsurprisingly surprised to see his formerly male classmate as a woman. He’s a bumbling guy, having gone into debt after an ex-girlfriend dumped him. 

As the comedic foil, Machida is PERFECT -- hilarious, well-timed, goofy, physically engaged. But, he also shows that glimmer of deep compassion, concern, and attention that we saw subsequently in abundance in Cherry Magic, with his Goto paying attention to the fact that Miki is actually suffering from extreme loneliness in contemplating her life as a lesbian who wants to find a partner who is okay with her current state of transition. And in Kobe, where the show is set, that arrangement is complicated to find. 

This has gotten way longer than I expected, so I promise I’ll do a full review once I finish this short series (after The Eclipse and the latest episode of Silent), but once again, Tumblr was right, and I’m glad I went on this side road of the Machida rabbithole to find this show. (And then I’ll get back to Super Rich, gosh darn it, I WILL finish that show.) Life as a Girl makes me LOVE NHK, because while TV Tokyo really owns the boundary-pushing edgy corner of Japanese television (KNT, CM, etc.), NHK invests and muscles it way in at times, and I’m thrilled that NHK supported this material as Japan’s biggest broadcaster. (ALSO: I don’t think I’ve seen Shison Jun in any doramas yet, but holy shit, HIS performance kills. So much more to say about this once I finish the series!)

[blackstarising]

coming back to this post i made again to elaborate - especially as the ted lasso fandom is discussing sam/rebecca and fandom racism in general. there are takes that are important to make that i had failed to previously, but there's also a growing amount of takes that i have to, As A Black Person™, respectfully disagree with.

tl;dr for the essay below sam being infantilized and the sam/rebecca relationship are not the same issue and discussing the former one doesn't mean excusing the latter. and we've reached the glen of the Dark Forest where we sit down and talk about fandom racism.

i should have elaborated this in my last post about sam/rebecca, but i didn't. i'll say it now - i personally don't support sam and rebecca getting together for real. i believe what people are saying is entirely correct, even though sam is an adult legally, he and rebecca are, at the very least, two wildly different stages of life. for americans, he's at the equivalent of being a junior in college. there are things he hasn't gotten the chance to experience and there are areas he needs to grow in. when i was younger, i didn't understand the significance of these age gaps, i just thought it would be fine if it was legal, but as someone who is now a little older than sam in universe, i understand fully. we can't downplay this. whether or not you think sam works for rebecca or not, even despite the gender inversion of the Older Man Younger Woman trope, whether or not he is a legal adult, i don't think at this point in time, their relationship would work. i think it's an interesting narrative device, but i don't want to see it play out in reality.

that being said!

what's worrying me is that two discussions are being conflated here that shouldn't be. sam having agency and being a little more grown™ than he's perceived to be does not suddenly make his relationship with rebecca justified. i had decided to bring it up because sam was being brought into the spotlight again and i was starting to realizing that his infantilization was more common than i felt comfortable with.

sam's infantilization (and i will continue to call it that), is a microaggression. it's is in the range of microaggressions that i would categorize as 'fandom overcompensation'. we have a prominent character of color that exhibits traits that aren't stereotypical, and we don't want to appear racist or stereotypical, so we lean hard in the other direction. they're not aggressive, they're a Sweet Baby, they're not world weary, they're now a little naive. they're not cold and distant, they're so nice and sweet that there's no one that wouldn't want approach them, and yeah, on their face, these new traits are a departure and, on their face, they seem they look really good.

but at a certain point, it reaches an inflection point, and, like the aftertaste of a diet coke, that alleged sweetness veers into something a lot less sweet. it veers into a lack of agency for the character. it veers into an innocence that appears to indicate that the person can't even take care of themselves. it veers into a one-dimensional characterization that doesn't allow for any depth or negative emotion.

it's not kind anymore. it's not a nice departure from negative stereotypes. it's not compensating for anything.

it's patronizing.

it is important that we emphasize that characters of color are more than the toxic stereotypes we lay on them, yes, but we make a mistake in thinking that the solution is overcorrection. for one thing, people of color can usually tell. don't get it twisted, it's actually pretty obvious. for another, it just shifts from one dimension to another. people of color are still supposed to be Only One Character Trait while white people can contain multitudes. ted, who is pretty much as pollyanna as they come, can be at once innocent and naive and deep and troubled and funny and scared. jamie can be a prick and sexy and also lonely and also a victim of abuse. sam, however, even though he was bullied (by jamie, no less), is thousands of miles away from home, and has led a protest on his team, is usually just characterized as human sunshine with much less acknowledgement of any other traits beyond that.

and that's why i cringe when fandom calls sam a Sweet Baby Boy without any sense of irony. is that all we're taking away? after all this time? even for a comedy, sam has received a substantive of screen time over two whole seasons, and we've seen a range of emotions from him. so as a black person it's hurtful that it's boiled down to Sweet Baby Boy.

that's the problem. we need to subvert stereotypes, but more importantly, we need to understand that people of color are not props, or pieces of cardboard for their white counterparts. they are full and actualized and have agency in their own right and they can have other emotions than Angry and Mean or Sweet and Bubbly without any nuance between the two. i think the show actually does a relatively good job of giving sam depth (relatively, always room for improvement, mind you), especially holding it in tension with his youth, but the fandom, i worry, does not.

it's the same reason why finn from star wars started out as the next male protagonist in the sequel trilogy but by the third movie was just running around yelling for REY!! it's the same reason why when people make Phase 4 Is the Phase For Therapy gifsets for the mcu and show wanda maximoff, loki, and bucky barnes crying and being sad but purposefully exclude sam wilson who had an entire show to tell us how difficult his life is, because people find out if pee oh sees are also complex, they'll tell the church.

and the reason why i picked up on this very early on is because i am an organic, certified fresh, 100% homegrown, non-gmo, a little ashy, indigenous sub saharan African black person. the ghanaian tribes i'm descended from have told me so, my black ass parents have told me so, and the nurses at the hospital in [insert asian country here] that started freaking out about how curly my hair was as my mother was mid pushing me out told me so!

and this stuff has real life implications. listen: being patronized as a black person sucks. do you know how many times i was patted on the back for doing quite honestly, the bare minimum in school? do you know how many times i was told how 'well spoken' or 'eloquent' i was because i just happen to have a white accent or use three syllable words? do you know how many times i've been cooed over by white women who couldn't get over how sweet i was just because i wasn't confrontational or rude like they wrongly expected me to be?

that's why they're called microaggressions. it's not a cross on your lawn or having the n-word spat in your face, but it cuts you down little by little until you're completely drained.

so that's the nuance. that's the subversion. the overcompensation is not a good thing. and people of color (and i suspect, even white people) have picked up on, in general, the different ways fandom treats sam and dani and even nate. what all of these discussions are converging on is fandom racism, which is not the diet form of racism, but another place for racism to reveal itself. and yeah, it's uncomfortable. it can seem out of left field. you may want to defend yourself. you may want to explain it away. but let me tap the sign on the proverbial bus:

if you are a white person, or a person of color who is not part of that racial group, even, you do not get to decide what is not racist for someone. full stop. there are no exceptions. there is no exit clause for you. there is no 'but, actually-'. that right wasn't even yours to cede or waive.

(it's also important to note that people of color also have the right to disagree on whether something is racist, but that doesn't necessarily negate the racism - it just means there's more to discuss and they can still leave with different interpretations)

people don't just whip out accusations of racism like a blue eyes white dragon in a yu-gi-oh duel. it's not fun for us. it's not something we like to do to muzzle people we don't want to engage with. and we're not concerned with making someone feel bad or ashamed. we're exposing something painful that we have to live with and, even worse, process literally everything we experience through. we can't turn it off. we can't be 'less sensitive' or 'less nitpicky'. we are literally the primary resources, we are the proverbial wikipedia articles with 3,000 sources when it comes to racism. who else would know more than us?

what 2020 has shown us very clearly is that racism is systemic. it's not always a bunch of Evil White Men rubbing their hands together in a dark room wondering how they're going to use the 'n-word' today. it's systemic. it's the way you call that one neighborhood 'sketchy'. it's how you use 'ratchet' and 'ghetto' when describing something bad. it's how you implicitly the assume the intelligence of your friend of color. it's the way you turned up your nose and your friend's food and bullied them for it in middle school but go to restaurants run by white people who have 'uplifted' it with inauthentic ingredients. it's telling someone how Well Spoken and Eloquent they are even though you've both gone to the same schools and work at the same workplace. it's the way you look down at some people of color for having a different body type than you because they've been redlined to neighborhoods where certain foods and resources are inaccessible, and yet mock up the racial features that appeal to you either through makeup or plastic surgery.

it's how when a person of color behaves badly, they're irredeemable, but a white person performing the same act or something similar is 'having a bad day' or 'isn't normally like this' or 'has room to grow' and we can't 'wait for their redemption arc', and yes, i'm not going to cover it in detail in this post but yes this is very much about nate. other people have also brought up the nuances in his arc and compared them to other white characters so i won't do it here.

these behaviors and reactions aren't planned. they aren't orchestrated. they're quite literally unconscious because they've been lovingly baked into western society for centuries. you can't wake up and be rid of it. whether you intended it or not, it can still be racist.

and it's actually quite hurtful and unfair to imply that concerns about racism in the TL fandom are unfounded or lacking any depth or simply meant to be sensational because you simply don't agree with it. i wish it was different, but it doesn't work that way. i'm not raising this up to 'call out' or shame people, but i'm adding to this discussion because, through how we talk about sam, and even dani and nate, i'm yet again seeing a pattern that has shortchanged people of color and made them feel unwelcome in fandom for far too long.

coach beard said it best: we need to do better.

[blackfemmecharacterdependency]

♡ Final Space Quinn x Gary ♡

♡♡ Quinn x Gary’s Journey Links & Commentary ♡♡

This is a long ass post. I believe that it may be the most comprehensive Quinnary post on the site. 

I combed through Final Space in order to chronicle this relationship. The most detailed portions might have taken place during a manic phase. The less detailed parts were probably done during a fairly normal (for me) state of mind. I didn’t work on it during any bouts with depression, despite having a few during the course of this project. For the most part, this oughtta all be accurate. 

FOR THE HOMIES @space-finally​ Happy Super Belated Birthday! @shslargue @andromidagalaxie @daintyurbanprincess @sleepyfangirl18 @simplyender​ ​

One note: Some of these links are clips on YouTube, some are gifsets created on Tumblr (most of which come from @chookity-dookity​ and @jlassijlali​), and some are to other miscellaneous posts. I didn’t think about notating which are which until I was pretty far into the record, so clicking each link will be different formats of the scenes. Most are either gifsets or clips. If I can’t find one, there is just me blabbing.

♡♡♡ SEASON 1 ♡♡♡

Boy Meets Girl: This initial meeting is super weird out of context. Gary seems like a complete and utter creep and nobody in their right mind would have been interested in this man if this was how he approached them. Of course, since then, we’ve learned that Gary has limited people skills from having only one decent parent who died when he was young, and also abandonment issues from having an indecent parent. He’s fortunately learned better since then.

I Don’t Want to Wake Up: This scene is one of the main reasons that Cookie Wife really didn’t make any goddamn sense in S2, but anyways, Gary really said that he didn’t mind not waking up if it meant him being with Quinn again, and this is before she’s ever trapped in Final Space or anything. Gary simply had her in his psyche as his greatest desire and she’s just there, missing him and wanting to be with him.

The Reunion 

I.G. Takeover Command:

Quinn: For some reason, they’re trying to shut down my investigation.

Gary: What a bunch of nerds.

Quinn: They’re after me.

Gary: You, why? You’re perfect.

Quinn: (Tells them what the problem is and everything bad that transpired after that)

Gary:... (Tries to fucking flirt with her)

The Fighting/Flirting Scene of YIKES!: Soooooooooo... I can’t seem to find a clip of this or a gifset, but it was that part where the ship is being taken over by the Infinity Guard, the Sames are turning on the crew, and Quinn is literally punching Gary in the face while he insists that they’re flirting. What can you do besides like... be turned completely off. That was terrible. Thank goodness he’s grown.

Arguing over who saves the day... SHE knows exactly what needs to be done, but Gary is trying to prove himself and OMG. Like... I don’t understand how people didn’t understand Quinn’s frustrations with this man in S1. Lol. 

“Alright. We wait for Gary.” I NEED y’all to understand the compromise that was made here. Quinn wants to leave Gary behind. Quinn explains WHY leaving Gary behind is the best thing to do for billions of lives. The rest of these fools talmbout they not leaving without Gary, and so she agreed... I INSIST that y’all acknowledge that Quinn has literally become an enemy of an intergalactic superpower to carry out this mission, standing up to not only her superiors, but all of the reinforcements that they’ve sent after her... but instead of fighting them on it (and we know that she doesn’t mind doing so, even when outnumbered and outgunned)... She AGREES. She states her case the one time, they say “No,” and she doesn’t push it. That’s actually a huge show of compromise for her. Would she have gotten her way if she pushed back? Probably not. But she wasn’t above pushback and she still chose not to in this situation.

Girl Remembers Boy: This man literally gets his finger snapped for not respecting boundaries.   Was it WORTH IT GARY?

♡

Painfully Short & Clear I actually LOVE this spot in their development because of a couple of things that happened here. 1. He asked her why she wouldn’t give him a chance. 2. She answered, very clearly and reasonably. 3. He “broke up with her,” but more than that - his FOCUS when interacting with her became the root issue that she named “That doesn’t inspire a lot of trust.” After this moment, Gary repeatedly focuses on getting Quinn to trust him (and not so much asking her out or asking for another chance), but WORKING ON himself, in a way that he has been clearly told what problem she has. 

Corruption Stew - So, okay... I like this little tidbit too, because it shows that Quinn, for all her genius and all her common sense, her faith in the Infinity Guard is so well constructed that she doesn’t even CONSIDER that they’re corrupt. But Gary, for all his bumbling and borderline inefficiency in a plethora of things... Can see it for what it is, and is outspoken. 

She Don’t Trust You Knuckas. 

Quinn Tries to Send Gary Away.

(This is Gary and Quinn’s first adventure together! )

Gotta go around...

Quinn confronts the Infinity Guard about the Lord Commander (Okay... I can’t tell if the clip is messed up or my computer is having issues, so... I mean... sorry if it’s janked up.) Her Face

Gary Begs Quinn Not to Join the Infinity Guard

Destroying the Laser

The Trust Save

“Healthy People Trust”

♡

Chapter 6 is one of my favorite episodes of this show. So many things take place, but for me, personally, I care the most about the development/revelations of Quinn and Gary in it.

Quinn VS Avocato:

Sidenote: As much as fandom pits Avocato and Quinn against each other, I certainly hardly ever see the two clips in the show where they had their big disagreements.

It just feels like such a crucial piece of lore. 

Like... this is so close after the whole, "Healthy people trust," and Quinn's first response to this disagreement (which is a huge and world threatening disagreement), is to pull a gun, then they're basically in a life threatening situation and her takeaway ultimately was, "I can't believe I trusted you." It made me laugh a little bit the first time, because I was like... "Dawg... you pulled a gun," but also like... it IS a situation worth pulling a gun over.

And Idk if I would ever trust somebody again after that, but definitely after tying me to a chair. Lol. A MESS. Gary was right when he said there was really no good rebound after that... but he was also wrong, because there actually was and it took place in this episode.

TRANSMISSION BINGE WITH MOONCAKE!!!:  Where I credit the origin of Quinn starting to fall for Gary. I love that you can tell that she’s changing her mind about him, even though she doesn’t SUDDENLY become into him or immediately loses her common damn sense over him, or anything like that.  

  “You can trust Gary.” - HUE 

  “That idiot” (affectionate) and the Incoming Transmission.

Quinn: H.U.E. Where’s Gary?

H.U.E.: Unclear. I have lost communications with him.

Quinn: Then, we’d better get down there and find him. We’re coming Gary.

(She doesn’t say that they’re going to go get “them” or name Avocato and his son. She specifically states that she’s looking for Gary and declares to Gary that she’s coming for him). Whenever she resumes communication with him, he says, ‘Oh Quinn, you really do love me,” and though she’s concerned about him, saving him and warming up to him, she quickly corrects that - even though the connection wasn’t great. Lol. Which is another reason that I hate whenever people suggest that Quinn just became a Gary prop when she “suddenly” caught feelings for him - because her feelings started developing as early as Chapter 6 (her feelings of trust, or at least trying to in the previous episode). IT DIDN’T JUST SUDDENLY HAPPEN WHEN THE WORLD WAS FALLING APART YOU HEFFAS.

Rescues Gary and the first exchange of warm smiles... you know... before Avocato ruined the moment by getting blown up! 

J/K... But he did really get his ass blown up shortly after. Seconds 30-about 1.00 tho? - Quinn being super happy to see Gary alive. Her focus is solely on him as he and the others board, and she watches him, smiling (one of her BRIGHTEST SMILES THUS FAR, MIND YOU), and after he greets Mooncake, he looks up at her and they just... smile at each other...

She isn’t mad at him anymore. She hasn’t left the ship to go on her mission alone. And, she is happy to see him alive (after she saved him). I’m reiterating this because a lot of folk try to act like Quinn only beat and bullied Gary up until the moment that they went on a date, and while those stupid people are probably not here, at this PRO-QUINN post in this QUINN LOVING environment, I really love punctuating that Quinn showed emotional acceptance of Gary AS EARLY AS this event.

It wasn’t because he lost his best friend. It wasn’t because she was stuck with him. She could have left. She chose to watch his transmissions, chose to save HIM, specifically, chose to stay and obviously was pleased with that decision after he made it back safely. 

♡

She was soft with him when we next saw them together in 7...

(Image: Quinn comforting Gary when Little Cato shuts him out) Gary’s Message to Avocato

Quinn sends Gary to talk to Little Cato. She doesn’t always have the emotional maturity it takes to ease the problems, but I love the fact that one of the aspects of Quinn’s personality is that she tries to get the best person to comfort others that she can find. (As she later does this when Gary is anguished over Fox’s death and she knows that he “needs” Avocato, instead of her. And to a certain degree, also Nightfall, who encourages Gary to step things up with Little Cato). 

Sidenote - I think its interesting that in this instance, when she looks around the room and there’s Mooncake, KVN and some Sames, SHE is the one to approach Gary and comfort him. I love the thought of her assessing the situation and knowing that this is the time when she IS the best person to do this, and that she’s willing to (because she cares). And it makes me wonder if she hadn’t already tried to be there for Little Cato too, because she was right behind him whenever he went through the vent and I believe that she’s been keeping an eye on him.

The Good Stuff: “H.U.E. What is he doing?” PLEASE NOTE how Quinn only EVER asks about Gary, specifically. You might say, that’s because he’s the only other human there, but she does this a lot, whether or not he is. She ONLY ever asks specifically about Gary when he’s involved in group shenanigans or danger. Quinn calls for Gary when they hear explosions from the ship. “What was that? Gary are you okay? Gary?!” 

Nightfall rescues them and reveals herself to Gary right as Quinn comes in to check on things. Quinn and Gary argue... well... Quinn fusses at Gary for doing some very ridiculous and immature shit. Though, between us, I think that Nightfall’s presence and Gary’s acknowledgment of her as Quinn was a sore sport that caused her to bounce back into her abrasiveness as a defense mechanism. Gary is being quite nonchalant, despite having just gone on a suicide mission with a young boy, in which, someone else had to rush in and save them and the kid wound up injured. 

Quinn seemed more hurt than angry, to me. She’s avoiding even looking at Gary as she lashes out at him, and when he suggests that he leaves, this is one of the few times that she agrees with him in this season. She’s not agreeing with his ass. She’s upset and doesn’t want to see him right now, and her tone is totally different than it was whenever she first entered the room, saying his name. Quinn didn’t show up to fuss at Gary. She showed up to check on things and Gary was goofing around with some flirtatious chick who had not only just saved him but was acting all cozy with him. She was probably actually upset with what had just happened, but you can’t convince me that she didn’t have jealous rage prompting some of her anger in this moment. To the point where she’s about to let Gary leave and sign on for raising Little Cato while she’s on this mission. “Quinn, Gary can’t leave.” - Nightfall

When Gary leaves the mission...

Quinn VS Nightfall.: Nightfall binds Gary, is caught and confronted by Quinn about what she’s up to, tells Quinn Gary’s typical fate in every timeline, and tries to kill Mooncake.

Quinn Needs Gary/Team: “Gary Rescues Little Cato” I would like to point out, as some like to forget A LOT of the time, that Little Cato meets Gary and Quinn on the same day. Gary signs on to take care of him, because he’s Avocato’s best friend and Avocato asked it of him, but Quinn is there, instructing Gary on a few parenting things, being EXTREMELY upset with him when Little Cato gets hurt in the process AND, was about to let Gary LEAVE Little Cato with her, since in her words of anger, he had allowed this to happen to Little Cato. And Little Cato heard their conversation (because as soon as they left he got up to use Nightfall’s time traveling ship), so he also knew that Gary was getting prepared to leave him there with Quinn and he accepted it.

In this scene, Little Cato clearly cares about her, too, and we know he was fond of Nightfall, and had her around for 60 years. So, listen... Long story short - Little Cato loves Quinn and sees her as a mom figure. She never actually officially signs on for that in adoption, so he doesn’t ever call her mom or anything like that. But, realistically - that’s his mom-head, and his parental ties to her are very much so real, despite her not being a formal mother to him on paper. 

♡

This Entire Episode, Really...

Gary having his ability crisis with Nightfall/Quinn

“We are not flying into a sun!”: Okay, okay, okay... I think about this a lot, because it highlights my thought process that Nightfall and Quinn were never the same Quinn. She’s an older Quinn, yeah - but not THIS Quinn as an older person. But... the way that Gary is talking to Sis in this episode... He don’t be talking to Quinn like that. Even in this episode, where he is highly distressed the entire time and full of anxiety, the snippiest he gets with her is sarcastically thanking him for not believing in him.

Fly Into the Sun: I love this scene because Quinn shows that even though (we know, as I pointed out in earlier moments, that she has feelings for Gary at this point), Quinn doesn’t suddenly become some passive prop that is just there to go along with Gary’s shenanigans. She tells him the truth - he’s not a good pilot, but she also gives him a chance to prove himself - please do not screw this up. Earlier Quinn would have fought Gary until he got out of the seat!

Bolo’s Mind Palace: Nightfall wishes him good luck. She’s always really cheerful and nice to Gary, despite him not really returning it and I have to wonder if some of Gary’s learning to pipe down a little with the over the top clinginess to Quinn wasn’t aided by seeing how uncomfortable it was for him whenever Nightfall seemed into him. 

Quinn asks, “What’s going on with Gary?” which winds up being how they’re allowed to see the interaction between Gary and his father.

The Talk with John: Quinn’s facial expressions whenever Gary is talking about her goes from being pleased that he said he loves her “to the max core,” to being saddened when he says that he doesn’t think that she likes him.

Gary Loses His Dad (Again) ☹: You can see the pain on her face when she has to see this happen to Gary.

They KNOW it's about to happen. Even if they didn't know before today, they knew from watching it unfold. Their reactions aren't reactions of shock and horror so much as hating to see Gary go through this tragedy. Because they care about him. She clutches her pearls and says, "No." This isn't the first death she's seen, in her career nor in the time we've seen her on the show. This hits different. This hurts her. She hates seeing this happen.

Whenever she consoles him with Little Cato, she chooses similar wording to the very thing that the person he loved most had just said to him. 

Gary and Quinn are on the same page 😊 I presume this because Nightfall goes away. I think that she realized that Quinn was finally where she and Gary were in tuned enough that she didn’t need to stick around.

♡

After John’s transmission and Quinn’s speech (I can’t find a clip or gifset), Gary tries to ask Quinn “something” during battle. (It’s to go on a date) 🥺🥺🥺

He’s persistent about it, but not in that way that he used to pester her. Instead, this is more like... He chose a bad time, but then again, they might not have had time in the future. So, persistence is endearing here, in my opinion. PLUS, he wasn’t so distracted that he couldn’t still save her from danger. (Gary saves Quinn during discussion)

KVN’s save & “Gary, give him a little something”

Quinn agrees to go on a date with Gary. Worth noting: Yes, they think that they’re about to die. That’s actually what makes this even more meaningful to me. Before she dies, Quinn wants to know why Gary even likes her, and whenever he answers, he includes his definition of love. Quinn, in what she believes are her last moments is ready to agree to go on a date with Gary. She knows that they can’t go on a date. They’re about to die. What she’s really agreeing to in this moment is to be willing to take a chance on Gary. She could have said that there is no love here or too bad it’s too late, or something. But, she tells him yes, for once, to one of his inquiries about them, after he speaks about love and before what they think is their certain death.

The fact that they live wasn’t something they expected. I’ve already said that I think that she had her feelings long before this, but several things happen this episode in which those feelings are brought out of her, into the light, into Gary’s awareness and into the rest of their relationship. I think this was the moment that their path together truly started. When she finally said “Yes” to him. 

Gary & Quinn’s “First Date” I really appreciate that even though everything is about to go to hell, they still get this moment in the place where they first met.

Honestly, this was simply funny to me. Y’all tryna save the world and Gary is tryna “bring it.” And Quinn looks like she’s into it. 😉 

First Hand Hold 💘💘💘

Quinn becomes playful with Gary and allows him to flirt with her. She ALSO seems to want to say more to him. Whenever they’re underwater, she seems like she is going to say something else, but decides on, “This is actually a pretty good first date...” immediately after which, she rescues Gary from getting harmed and takes the blow herself, which knocks her unconscious.

* It is very important for me to point out the fact that Quinn rescues Gary here, placing herself in danger in order to save him, because I never see this scene anywhere outside of watching the show and I hardly ever see it discussed, either. The narrative that Quinn doesn’t care about Gary or that he’s always saving her, or that their relationship is one sided now has another example against it. For reference, I can tell you that it happens in episode 9, at the 14:30 timestamp, but I couldn’t find a clip and I can’t remember if there’s a gifset that I ever saw for it. My friend made this for me specifically for this post.*

The World is Falling Apart... Now... I’m also gonna simply challenge the idea that Quinn suddenly became a totally different person in this episode and suddenly was interested in Gary without reservations... That shit ain’t happen. Quinn very much still had some reservations about Gary and their relationship, despite having already began feeling deeply for him, she still doesn’t bend to every whim he has. (Hard maybe) They once again think they’re about to die and while Gary does ask her to be in a relationship and she doesn’t say no, there’s not a huge proclamation of love or a big kiss or anything like the descriptors that people have claimed here. All they do in what they think are their last moments is hold each other.

Mooncake. “He stays with us” 🥺 Gary and Quinn are next to each other, ready to go to war together. GOD I LOVE THEM!

SEASON 1 FINALE: 

This episode is very important, because not only is it the last time that we see Quinn for a really long time, but it is the place where Quinn makes some hard decisions that I believe that she was contemplating before they got to this point. She always intended to be a hero. She always intended to save the world... She never intended to fall for Gary. But, that happens and now she has this journey. This journey with Gary, that she can tell is coming to an end.

When Gary gives his speech and he says that they’re “family,” Quinn nods her head and when he says, “We find each other,” she smiles.

A death sentence. The plan with the hawk. “Make us proud.” She puts some faith in Little Cato. 

“Why are you fighting me?” Gary has actually been following Quinn’s lead for a little bit, swooping in to save her when necessary, but listening to her plans and leading whenever he sees fit. He hadn’t straight up went against something she set out to do, and hadn’t even argued with her in a while. And here... there is SO much going on. Nobody says “I love you,” even though the conversation makes it clear. His struggle to both support her but also to save her. Her insistence to carry out this mission because she knows its her life work, but still knowing that most likely she won’t make it out of this. His vow to make sure that he helps her. And that kiss...

The kiss was like... Let’s just revisit it in the way that I have so many times.

She MIGHT have known that this was goodbye. We can only presume. Look at her sad look afterwards. She told Gary “Don’t die on me,” but whenever he tells her that he wants more when she gets back, she doesn’t say anything about coming back. She knows, scientifically, what she’s up against because of her equations and this, for real, for real, this time... for her... this is likely goodbye. She doesn’t know of any possible way that this ends up in some type of rescue for her. “It’s both of us. Always has been...” 

Losing Earth/Quinn’s Sacrifice Whenever she contacts him, her voice is so soft. Gary has just literally watched the Earth be taken. She has just watched the mission fail... She KNOWS what has happened in the past lives. She is already apologetic. She is apologizing to Gary. He expected her to come back. She knew better all along, and now she’s run out of time. Gary is more upset by her decision than what just happened to the Earth. It’s one of the most heartbreaking goodbyes...

“Which Way is Quinn?”: Gary sets us up for the ENTIRE MOOD of the next season with this line of questioning that he has. His body is ready to die, but he has this energy inside of him - call it thought processing, call it a soul, whatever - but Gary is determined not to die, because he has things worth living for, searching for, fighting for. His family. Which way is Little Cato? His son. Which way is Mooncake? His beloved... companion? I don’t like to think of Mooncake as a pet, but we know that technically he holds Avocato as his “best friend” so I can’t really call him that. Which way is Quinn? His soul mate... and with that... he comes back to and spends the rest of his time reuniting with them.

THIS WENT ON FOR SO LONG that I’ve decided to give it in parts. Seasons 2 and 3 will be separate from this post. After I’ve posted them, I will come back to include the link(s) to them here. 

Thank you for your time! I intended to have this posted for a friend’s birthday, but halted work on it for the months that I was without a laptop. Final Space is over, but Quinn and Gary are forever for me. 

[novelconcepts]

I love your filling in of the moonflower scene. Just the tenderness of it all 🥺

Do you think you might write a short piece about Dani finding the first grey in Jamie‘s hair in the future? Every time I see the gifsets of Jamie‘s (very sexy) grey strands I have to think about Dani‘s possible reaction

Jamie doesn’t tend to notice these things--little changes in her own appearance, little alterations made by the simple passage of time. Her attention, she scoffs when Dani laughs over her failing to pick up on a burr caught in her hair after a trip to the park, is better suited to other things. “World’s big,” she says, tilting her head to allow Dani to comb the remnants of whatever tree she’d walked beneath from her curls. “Why should I go wasting time starin’ at my own damn face?”

“Because it’s a good face,” Dani tells her. She doesn’t add that Jamie’s face, like everything about her, makes more sense than the rest of the world. That nothing about Jamie seems to come out of nowhere--every scrape and scar is accounted for with a story, every wrinkle turned out from the edge of her lips or around her eyes sparked by the familiarity of her frown, the inevitability of her smile. Everything about Jamie can be traced back to the honesty of time spent in the sun, or injuries incurred at work, or letting another year stroke its fingers across her skin. 

She notices the first gray hair maybe five years in. They’re on a camping trip, small tent pitched just upshore of a gently lapping brook; Jamie, crouched beside the water to inspect a turtle, looks up with a grin, and Dani notes a flash of silver at the crown of her head.

She doesn’t point it out. It’s too easy to anticipate Jamie’s amused drawl: “Got a gorgeous beast right here, and you’re worried about my hair?” She tucks the knowledge safely away, entertained by the idea that Jamie is carrying a secret upon her own head and has no idea.

She says nothing, but her fingers seek out the unexpected silver the next time Jamie comes close enough. She trails her hand through rumpled hair, watching the familiar warmth of brown cascade across her skin, pleased to find several more bursts of light wound in among the dark.

“What?” Jamie asks, smile crooking the way it always does when she senses Dani is about to poke fun. “Bein’ a weirdo again.”

“Am not,” Dani replies, and kisses her. 

It becomes a bit of a private game, an amusing turn of events: Jamie, the most naturally-observant human being in the world, has absolutely no idea she’s shot through with unexpected arcs of silver. No idea at all. At first, Dani thinks she’s intentionally ignoring the color leaching out of her hair; a flash of memory spirals back, Judy plucking what she called my little secret out by the strand and holding a finger to her lips as she reached for a box of red dye. Heavy maintenance is very much not Jamie’s speed, but maybe turning her cheek and feigning ignorance achieves the same goal.

A month goes by. A year. They’re turning up on their own time, these pops of colorless strands standing stark against dark waves, and Dani takes it upon herself to brush her fingers across each one she finds. She likes very much the depth they bring to Jamie’s hair, the way the sun catches a little differently when she turns her head. Likes the knowledge that each strand is a stamp of memory--proof of time spent. 

Likes, most of all, that Jamie legitimately seems to have no idea. Jamie, who tugs a black elastic band off her wrist with her teeth, raking the messy tumble out of her eyes, perpetually annoyed with the curls that always seem to evade her hands. Jamie, who spends hours with a book in one hand and Dani’s hair sifting through her fingers, and still has absolutely no clue what’s happening on her own head.

“You’ve never cared, have you?” Dani asks one afternoon, watching Jamie sort through their spectacular collection of cassette tapes, little plastic cases clicking comfortably to break up the quiet. Jamie, cross-legged on the living room rug with Survivor’s Vital Signs in one hand and REO Speedwagon’s Hi Infidelity in the other, raises her eyebrows.

“Seemed silly to go alphabetical while they were multiplying like fuckin’ bunnies, but now we’ve slowed down a little--”

“About looks,” Dani corrects. She’s hanging half off the couch, the tips of her fingers brushing Jamie’s knee. Life has been getting less predictable lately, messier around the edges; she looks into mirrors with breath held tight in her lungs, uncertain of what will look back. Touching Jamie has become less about habit and more a matter of lifeline. “You’ve never cared about how you look. Maybe the only woman I’ve ever known to say that.”

“I care,” Jamie says, with very little defensiveness. It is astonishing sometimes, looking back at the woman she’d met in that manor kitchen, how little defense Jamie seems to have for her these days. Questions are met in good faith, answered in kind, like Jamie knows there’s nothing Dani could ask that would intentionally bear teeth. “Care when I need to.”

“Like when?”

“At the shop,” Jamie says, tossing aside a Paul Simon cassette with a wrinkle of her nose. She finds Pat Benatar instead, sets it in the pile between The Beatles and Blondie. “Always look professional, don’t I?”

“But you don’t like--think about it? What you’ll look like in twenty years? Or fifty?”

“Fifty, Christ.” Jamie rolls back her head, grinning. “Be a hell of a thing, stacking fifty more years on. What d’you think you’ll look like in fifty years, mm?”

Dani doesn’t answer. It’s too early to tell what the smudged face in the mirror might mean--too early to panic--but the idea of fifty years more with Jamie seems terrifyingly unlikely. 

“Anyway.” Seeming to sense her unease, Jamie rocks up onto her knees, awkwardly shifting across the rug to lean against the couch. She braces a hand behind Dani’s head, her eyebrow arched. “You tryin’ to say I don’t pay enough attention to my looks? I don’t scrub up enough for you, is that it?”

Her fingers brush Dani’s ribs, digging in just hard enough to tickle. Dani squirms, laughter burbling out against Jamie’s neck. 

She doesn’t bring it up again, preferring the secret of Jamie’s slowly graying hair held within her own heart. The threads are becoming more insistent as the years drift by, joining tiny lines etched into Jamie’s skin. Her hands, put through so much work, are comfortably worn at knuckle and fingertip. Her smile pulls the skin around her eyes a little tighter as they celebrate eight years--nine--ten. 

She looks good with the extra age, Dani thinks. She wears it all so well, without pausing to prod at herself in the bathroom mirror; if she’s the least bit unnerved by the passage of time, she never lets it show. If Dani didn’t know better, she’d think Jamie never really looks at herself in the mirror at all. 

Too busy looking at me, she thinks, and tries not to ache at the idea that Jamie has forgotten herself beneath the need to keep her attention on what she considers more important things. Like watching for one of Dani’s moods to spike up in public. Like waiting for Dani’s shoulders to hunch against ghosts only she can see. 

Dani doesn’t look into mirrors herself much these days, either--though, every once in a while, a glimpse will sneak up. Just the barest flash of her own face in the passenger mirror of the car, or the idling bathwater. Sometimes--less and less often--the face waiting is even her own. 

It is so her own, those days, that Dani finds herself embracing a new concern. Something odd, something she’s only started to really see in recent memory. 

Jamie is starting to show her age, little by little. Not all at once, not in any way that is strange for a woman creeping into her forties--but the years are there, certainly, stamped gently into her skin. The years are threaded through her hair, these silver pops around which Dani’s hands seem to take on a mind of their own. There’s something wonderful, lively, even sexy about the way time is impacting Jamie--grounding her a little more every year, the natural wearing of all those hours hung like medals around her shoulders. 

Dani, catching sight of herself in the bathtub, can’t help but notice: no one could say the same for her. Not that time is beating away at her, not that time is turning her to stone before she’s ready--but that time appears to be doing nothing at all. Her eyes bear no extra marks, though she has spent just as much time as Jamie laughing, frowning, holding her breath as the world spins beneath her. Her hands look just the same as they had in 1987. 

Her hair is still stubbornly gold.

“Do you think it’s strange?” she whispers one night--not entirely sure if Jamie is even awake, not sure she can even bear the answer Jamie might give. 

“What is?”

She swallows hard, fingers carding gently through Jamie’s hair. The gray seems to gleam in the glow of the streetlamp through their window. 

“That I’m not...that I don’t look...”

Jamie pushes onto one elbow, peering at her in the dark. “You look like you,” she says, when Dani is unable to press on. “You look like Dani.”

She’s trying to answer the other question, Dani understands, the one being asked with greater frequency: am I here? am I me? what if I’m her, deep down, and have been all along? She shakes her head. 

“That’s not...I’m not...”

Jamie waits, brow knit the way it always has when she’s listening. Even when her expression smooths out into sleep, that small divot will remain, etched into her skin like a tattoo memorializing all these late-night conversations. Dani reaches up, presses her thumb gently to it now, her breath hitching when Jamie turns to kiss her palm. 

“It’s nothing,” she says. There’s no way to explain it without making Jamie worry more, worry again, lose yet more sleep watching for signs Dani is slipping away.

Jamie nods slowly, not quite believing, not quite daring to call out the lie. “All right,” she says, and the silver in her hair seems to burn, and Dani loves her enough to close her eyes and pretend everything is okay.

When morning comes, she wards off the thoughts. It’s easier, in daylight. Easier to turn her head, fix her eyes on Jamie, allow the familiarity of Jamie’s hands, smile, kiss sweep the fear back under the bed. The nights are long, the dark heavier than it has any right to be, but in sunlight, Jamie shines. The chain around her neck--the colors in her eyes--the silver shot through her hair. In sunshine, Jamie is the most alive any person can be.

And if she is, so must Dani be--because there is so much love in the way Jamie tips into her arms, so much affection in the sweep of her kiss, in the way she leads them around the kitchen in an impromptu waltz. Jamie, as always, burning away the shadows. 

Jamie, who dips her backward, drinking in her laughter with the biggest grin in the world. Who cuts her eyes to the right. Who tightens her mouth in surprise.

“Hang on,” she says, her hands still braced at Dani’s back and hip. “What the fuck is this?”

Dani’s heart gives a giant leap, her hands clutching at Jamie’s shirt for balance. This is it, she thinks. She can see her now. She can see her, not me, and it’s over, it’s all over, it’s--

“Dani.” Jamie is frowning, easing her back to her feet. She crouches down, gazing into the window of the oven. One hand rises to her head, her brow furrowed.

She sees her, Dani thinks, backing toward the sink. She sees her, and--

“Jesus, how long has my hair looked like that?” 

She blinks, shaking the panic away. “What?”

Jamie is looking at her, almost awestruck, her face clean and younger than usual with the last vestiges of sleep clinging to her eyes. “All that gray. Knew there were one or two, but--”

Dani is laughing. Leaning back against the counter, the mirth spilling out of her, she laughs. Jamie, straightening up with a low groan--her knees pop audibly, her head shaking--looks bewildered.

“Suppose you thought you’d just wait,” she says dryly, “and see if I ever noticed?”

Dani nods, cackling too hard to answer. It’s become so normal, counting the bright bursts amid Jaime’s natural hair color; she’s honestly forgotten Jamie ever didn’t have these silver sparks. Every inch of her, from the crow’s feet etched near her eyes to the tiny scars on her hands, is quite simply home. 

Jamie is plainly trying to look grumpy now, her hand tangling her hair. With Dani giggling like this, unable to catch her breath, she isn’t doing a very good job.

“Been this way a while?”

“Years,” Dani giggles. “Since I proposed. Before.”

Jamie rolls her eyes, slouching the two steps it takes to reach the counter and Dani’s shaking frame. “You,” she says in a mock-irritated tone, “are supposed to help with these things.”

“With what?” Dani brushes the hair back from her eyes. “You’re beautiful. And more than that, you’re...stately.”

“Stately,” Jamie repeats with a snort. “Haven’t heard that one. That’s a Hannah word, if ever there was one.”

They sober, just a little, the appropriate affection offered to memory. Jamie’s head bows against her own, her nose brushing Dani’s lightly. 

“I like it,” Dani says, her voice soft. “I like watching it happen. Like growing old...”

She trails off. She isn’t growing old, is the thing. Isn’t changing. Is as incontrovertible as a lake set into ancient grounds. She is not growing old at all.

Jamie’s fingers curl around her chin, tipping her head back. “Growing old together,” she says, firmly. Not denial, exactly--just certainty. Jamie, imposing her will on a world that tries so hard to have its own way with them both. 

“Growing old together,” Dani repeats, and even if it isn’t true in the strictest sense--even if it doesn’t look like it should--she knows Jamie believes it. Knows Jamie will fight tooth and nail to make the universe bend around her love. 

There are things, Jamie believes, that are natural. Organic. Exactly as they should be. There are things that can’t be changed by dreams, whims, magic spells. 

They will grow old together. That is, Jamie believes, the way the world works. The way it has always been and will always be. Jamie’s hair grows silver. Jamie’s skin etches with lines. Jamie’s hands are solid in her own, though she sometimes bends her fingers with a grimace, rubs her wrists when the weather angles toward snow. 

They will grow old together. For Jamie, there is simply no other consideration to be made.

“I like it,” Dani repeats, fingering the nearest strand of gray. “It’s distinguished.”

Jamie, shaking her head, is grinning as she leans in for a kiss.

[blush-and-books]

i’m sorry, but i fell in love tonight

short fic based off of this gifset by @juliesmolinas and the song is there somewhere by halsey. in fact it is mandatory that you listen to the song/read the lyrics/both before/during reading this. yes i said mandatory.

angst with a sappy ending, julie goes through a lifetime of emotions in less than 3k, was originally gonna write when i was in a more emotionally raw state but writing this made me emotionally raw so... enjoy <3

warnings: swearing

Julie made the promise at some point -- she just doesn’t know exactly when.

It may have been when he appeared at her school, all shy smiles and soft glances, professing that she made him a better writer. Or, more definitively, it could have been when she forlornly pulled him into her arms a moment before she was positive that she was to lose him forever. 

All that she knew was her time with Luke was fleeting. So she swore that her butterfly-wing crush was not allowed to fill her chest or dizzy her thoughts; that his lyrics would mean nothing more next to hers than words on a page and his touches would bring her little to no comfort.

Luke Patterson could not complete her. 

The universe wouldn’t allow it -- and neither would Julie Molina. 

But -- either Luke was blissfully unaware of their impending doom or he genuinely didn’t care -- he forced himself through every barrier she attempted to erect. And it was driving her nearly insane, because she made a promise to protect herself. 

Maybe she wasn’t strong enough to do it. Or maybe the universe, despite refusing to give Julie Luke in his entirety, did not want her to be protected. 

It was all in the little things-

When she stayed up with him in the garage, playing him all of the songs he’s missed in 25 years, and he danced around on the slippery floor in his socks and grinned at her with wide green eyes. The neon emerald in the dim light was reminiscent of driving on the highway and passing sign after sign leading to the exits she could have taken, but couldn’t bring herself to.

How New Years Eve arrived and the Molina family gathered in the driveway to light sparklers; Luke’s hand brushing hers as he passed off one of the two in his hands. 

In his head lulling onto her shoulder while she was trying to finish some homework with his help on the torn couch and his lips moving against her bare skin  as he mumbled that she needed to take a break before driving herself insane; followed by her braiding her hair to get it out of her face.

She already had driven herself insane -- but not over her homework. 

(His mouth on her shoulder was the answer to a prayer she never dared to murmur aloud.)

Luke never failed to be present when he was needed. If she was sick or stressed or depressed, he knew when to fuse to her side and when to offer some space. Through careful observation rather than conversation, he knew which of her many sweatshirts were reserved for illness or emotional support. 

In most of those situations, she needed him, too. Her fingernails would curl into his biceps through a cramp or wave of tears and he would wrap her in his embrace and swarm her with warm words that dried her eyes.

She hated it.

When they wrote music, it felt as though they were already reading each other's minds before either of them had spoken a word about their plans. Their journals contained inky black waterfalls spilled from an intimacy that Julie did not want to dissect. 

Again, she hated it. She loved it more than anything and hated that she loved it all -- because it could never be real. 

She would always play second fiddle to death. 

Julie made the promise to herself to not let Luke complete her because, while she had him for now, the night of the Orpheum was a reminder that the universe would not hesitate to snap it’s fingers and eliminate him from existence. 

The universe, being the confusing, stubborn bitch it is, just didn’t get the memo on that promise. 

Because Luke filled every crack and restored every gap in her being, and he shouldn’t.

The hopeless, pining romantic in her that constantly argued with her realist side said they were meant to meet. Even if it was brief and heartbreaking and had the power to hurt her in a way she didn’t understand, it had to happen. If it wasn’t supposed to happen, then how and why did he cross space and time only to fall at her feet?

(Soulmates, a taunting voice whispered. Soulmates.)

((The voice was locked in a closet as punishment.))

She didn’t want to entertain the word. It had too much of a forlorn, wistfully romantic sound to it that Julie didn’t need to associate with Luke when she spent most moments with him at this point convincing herself that she wasn’t in love.

Until tonight.

It is past midnight, which is when anyone’s mental state starts to alter. Things that would be labelled as bad ideas in the daylight could very possibly become fair game when shrouded in a darkness that made everything private. The two of them, Luke and Julie, Julie and Luke, are nestled together on the piano bench as her fingers tiredly press each cut of ivory in a working melody.

“I have an idea,” Luke says, gently shifting his left hand to cover hers on the keys. “Why don’t we press pause on this song for a minute?”

Then, she finally looks up at him. Her eyes probably have crescents like the dark side of the moon crossing her skin, and her hair is all over the place, but he’s staring at her in one of the rare ways that she hates.

She hates it because the look convinces her that she completes him.

This time, however, there’s a hope. A hope, and a hesitance, and she’s simultaneously extremely nervous and beyond curious as to what his plans are. 

“Did- Didn’t you want to finish this tonight?” 

Regret strikes across his face, but he recovers. The softness is back. “Yeah, I just think we need a change of pace.” Right hand on the back of his neck: A telltale sign of a confession of some kind. She’s seen it more times than is healthy. “There was another song I wanted to show you, actually.”

“Oh.” She blinks, he waits. “Yeah, uh, I mean, yeah. Show me. What do you have so far?” He clears his throat as he thrums through the pages to find his target. “The whole thing.”

Julie doesn’t have time to react -- although she’s already in a panic -- before the leather-bound book is being awkwardly shoved into her hands, and the first thing she sees at the top is Luke’s nearly illegible scribble of Dark Room (song for Julie).

“Luke-”

“Just read it.” His voice is significantly raspier than it was a minute ago. “Please.”

She can’t. If he feels the same way and the confession is undeniably in front of her, then what is she supposed to do? Would she rather break Luke’s heart now to save them both down the line, or delay the misery a little longer?

It’s not that she doesn’t want it -- she does. But she doesn’t know if she’s emotionally equipped for any of the options that are offered to her. The destination of any path she chooses leads to a world of heartache.

So, she does the only thing she can think in the moment: She reads the song.

Instantly, the lyrics are blurred from the tears in her eyes because she sees the words “love” and “together” and her greatest fears and grandest wishes are coming true. The sonnet proclaims that she’s his light that illuminated his once-dark forever, and that he was hers when they didn’t even know each other, and that he will be hers wherever he ends up next.

He just wanted her to know that he would have waited another lifetime in the blank, limitless limbo he was in for 25 years if he knew she would be there when he was set free.

And, in the moment, Julie allows herself to acknowledge that her promise is broken.

She’s fallen in love. 

And, apparently, he has too.

(Maybe they can claim just one night. The universe owes them that much, doesn’t it?)

“Julie?” God, he sounds so worried. A shaking finger trails up her jaw to catch falling tears, and his contact makes her gasp. He pulls away and shoves his hands together to fidget in his lap. “Julie, are you- Fuck, I’m sorry, I just fucked this up, didn’t I? I fucked it all up. Fuck, I-”

When she chances a look up at him for the first time in the couple of minutes that she’s been staring, hopelessly, at the song in her lap -- he’s got his face covered by his hands pressing roughly into his eyes, and he’s turned to face the piano instead of her.

He takes a deep breath, and it sounds… 

Stuffy. 

Three more tears leak from Julie’s eyes. More build up every minute as her right hand runs along his shoulder, “Luke…”

“No, Julie, please just drop it.”

“Luke.”

“I clearly misread a lot of stuff, and I’m tired, so maybe you can just go to bed and forget-”

Her hand wraps tightly around his upper arm like it’s done so many times when she has been in distress. “Luke.”

There’s a crack in her voice from sheer desperation. She needs him to look at her, so that she can wipe his tears and smile through the sobs and tell him he didn’t misread a single thing. She would wait a lifetime for him to come out of the dark room, she loves him too, and she’s going to forget all about it. 

And ask him to do the same.

At least the scratch of his name catches his attention long enough, because he angles back towards her, and swallows thickly before meeting her eyes. Salty teardrops linger against his eyelids and eyelashes; the red rimming illuminating the oceanic green to look like a gemstone. Her grip relaxes.

“Yeah, Julie?”

She attempts a smile. “The song is beautiful, Luke. I love it.”

I love you.

“That’s it? It’s beautiful, and you love it, but you don’t… I’m not in your dreambox, huh?”

He clearly hasn’t dug through it in awhile. He’s everywhere. Discarded guitar picks and notes he’s left in her school journals and plenty, plenty of songs.

It’s funny, because she told him her dreambox was for things that didn’t make her sad. Luke was a double-edged sword -- making her happy every day in a new way, and making her cry into her pillow at night.

How does she explain this? There’s a whirlwind of responses running through her brain and she can barely coherently comprehend any of them. 

“No,” she finds herself sighing as she raises her hand to his cheek, followed by her other hand so that he can’t try and turn away. “No, Luke, no… You’re wrong.”

“What do you mean ‘I’m wrong?’”

Her bottom lip starts to shake. “You think I don’t love you back.”  Both of them feel their breath catch at her use of the word out loud. It feels like a secret that shouldn’t be repeated. “And you’re wrong.”

“... I’m wrong.”

“Of course you’re wrong! You really think I don’t love you back?”

“Why are you crying if you love me?”

“Because we can’t do this!”

He scoffs, and Julie’s heart is racing in her chest as he pushes himself off of the piano bench and her hands fall from his face. What has she done?

“That’s bull, Julie.” His fingertips tug at his hair. “You don’t need to make a big dramatic show to convince me it’s wrong just to let me down easy. You aren’t going to talk me out of this.” Dead-on, he stops pacing back and forth, and looks her in the eye. “I love you.”

Listening to him say it, the way his mouth moves and his voice ticks with conviction at each syllable, is what makes her break. 

“And I love you too.” 

He reels back. He probably wasn’t expecting her voice to raise from their odd, in-between whisper and normal volume.

“But don’t you get it? Luke, we aren't in some magical place where we can meet each other in the middle. A place like that doesn’t exist. You’re dead, and I’m alive, and any future here ends with both of us losing each other.” 

“Julie-”

“You said you would wait another lifetime, right?” Using his own lyrics against him. She watches his hands twitch before nodding; the movements of his head barely visible. “Then wait. Another lifetime, another two -- the fucking universe clearly didn’t want us to have this one, so we’re stuck waiting for the next one.”

Even through his clear and fighting need to argue, to talk with her about this, he stiffly nods his head. It’s obvious that she has thought way too much about this from the way she’s barely choking out each word before crumbling into tears before his eyes -- but then again, he’s thought about it too. 

Callused hands are running along her neck to tilt her face up out of the blue. She was too busy crying to notice that he had crossed the distance between them to stand right in front of her and assure that she was meeting his eyes.

“Luke-”

“No, Julie, it’s my turn. Please.”

She won’t argue with him. So, with a tender swipe of his thumbs under her eyes, he proceeds.

“Look, I get it. You think I don’t get it? I fucking hate being dead, for so many reasons, Julie. But if I never died, I never would have met you.” Her lips part, and maybe he thinks she’s going to protest because he smoothly lifts a finger in front of her lips that barely makes contact. 

(Julie almost presses her lips into it.)

“And you’re right. I wish there was somewhere that we could meet in the middle, but we don’t have that. I wish so many things, Julie. But none of them involve a life where I don’t have you.”

She whimpers, because listening to the man that normally chains his emotions in a cage bare his soul to her at nearly one in the morning is a seriously more out-of-body experience than she expected. She knew, deep down, that she loved him. But she never allowed herself to feel the all-encompassing warmth that she feels now.

“But hey, Julie, look at me,” he coaxes her with a tone that drips with affection. The pads of his fingers are nearly kneading into the back of her neck. “Like you said: The universe didn’t want to give us this lifetime. They couldn’t let us have all the fun, right?” Both of them let out a watery chuckle. “But they still brought me to you, didn’t they? They let me know you in this lifetime, even if we couldn’t have forever. I said I would be yours wherever I am. So even if this,” he gestures to his ghostly form, “isn’t forever, even if we don’t have this lifetime… You know I’ll love you forever, right?”

It was a monologue straight from one of her dreams that left her waking up with a manic smile and tears running down her face. 

Unable to form any other response besides an unaware nod, Julie waits for him to continue.

“And maybe, the universe will give us the next lifetime, or a whole new universe, or… Just somewhere where we can get forever.” 

Abruptly, his hands slide from her neck and grasp her hands like he needs to hold on firmly enough to believe that she’s still real in front of him. Julie is still speechless and teary, and in the most sentimental gesture, Luke kisses the back of both of her hands. 

“We’ll get forever, Julie.” His warm breath puffs against her skin. “I promise you.”

And, well, if he promises forever in the next life -- then why can’t she take what she can get in this one?

--

tags: @bluefirewrites @willexx @unsaid-emily @lydias--stiles @moreflowersthanweeds @pink-flame 

[babygirlwolverine]

Hi everyone!

We are officially one week away from the posting date (August 30th) for the gift exchange! I can’t believe these last 5 weeks have gone by so fast. I hope everyone is having fun creating their gifts and i cannot wait to see all of the beautiful creations y’all are making! If you need a time extension for any reason, please reach out and let me know asap.

As a quick reminder, here are the minimums for the event. Fic length: 500 words. Gifset: 2 gifs. Playlist length: 10 minutes. Fanvid length: 30 seconds. Poetry length: 5 lines. No maximum lengths, so feel free to make things as long as you want!

Just a couple quick thank you’s. Thank you to absolutely everyone for checking in for the midpoint of the event! All 63 partipcants checked in, and I just wanna express my deepest gratitude and thankfulness that you all took the time to check in! And thank you to Gen (@dean-has-great-taste) for being so helpful every single step of the way while I’ve attempted my first ever event like this- Gen, you’ve been my rock and I’m so blessed to have a friend as sweet, patient, and kind as you.

Since we’re 1 week away from posting, i thought i’d share this message for some guidance on posting your creations. Regardless of what content you’ve made or any other platforms besides tumblr that you choose to post on, please make sure to make a tumblr post and @ your partner so you can reveal who you are and to let them know where they can see their gift (if you post onto another platform, please place a link in a tumblr post so your partner can click the link to see the gift). 

Fics and poetry can be posted on tumblr and/or ao3 (if posted onto ao3, please make sure to put a link into the tumblr post so that your partner can access it). If you’re posting an art/edit/gif, you can make a tumblr post and @ your partner so they can see what you made (if there’s another site you want to use to post, just make sure to link that in a tumblr post). If you’ve made a playlist on spotify or youtube, make sure to make a tumblr post with a link to the playlist so that your partner can listen and enjoy all the songs you put together. And if you’ve made an amv, please either post it here on tumblr or on youtube and don’t forget to add a link if it’s a youtube video.

When you post your creations, please use the hashtag #starrynightdeancas gift exchange and/or you can use my tracking tag #userstarry so that everyone can see all of the gifts that are posted and i can also reblog everything y’all make. Also, feel free to @ me in your posts just in case the hashtags don’t work, that way i can see and reblog your creation.

Alright, I think that’s all the housekeeping I have for now. Sorry this message ended up being so long. Thank you again to everyone for participating in this event! I hope you’re all having as much fun as I am! Once again, I want to thank y’all for the continued patience and support you’ve all given during the little hiccups we’ve had organizing the event. I hope it’s all been worth it! It’s been such a pleasure to see so many of y’all enjoying the event and creating such spectacular creations!

If you have any questions, comments, or concerns, please reach out to me and let me know and I’ll be happy to help!

Update: I will be creating an ao3 collection that y’all can use if you post fics/poetry onto ao3. Details for this collection will be posted on Saturday when I do a final reminder announcement before the posting day!

Tagging everyone below who is participating in the event:

@fimmfstiel @multidimensionaldrunkgiraffe @andzia267 @gardenforcas @smiledean @magickastiel @amirosebooks @stanforderadean @teamfoundfamily @sierraxnevada  

@fairycas @one-more-offbeat-anthem @starlightcastiel @castielisasunflower @10x02 @giantpercyfan02 @emeraldcas @bebecas @bipridedean @casismymrdarcy  

@you-cant-spell-subtext-without @thecadenceimperfect @myaimistrue @pluckydean @nebulous-bondage @moonshadecastiel @thebluelynxx @lovelybydecay @xofemeraldstars @cosmiccas  

@mademoisellepantalonssassy @haimnatural @thiscowboyisbisexual @doctorprofessorsong @bixlasagna @supernatural-jaeger @jackttwist @nightandwine @whoopsitswhump @softsophos @expectingtofly  

@ireallydontknowhowtolife @deanwinchesteradjacent @yourfinalbow @becauseofthebowties @marvolord @team-grumpy-hunter-and-gay-angel @curlynerd @fandomandsparkles @corancoranthemagicalman @heres-to-evil-skanks  

@theedorksinlove @bowtiesandfireflies @firefly124 @nerdybidean @ersatzangel @samsonmp3 @rainbow-shine @apatheticanvas67482 @sbright31115 @lotsofquestionslimitedanswers @dean-has-great-taste

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

His Dark Materials - Season 2 Episode 5 (rambles)

I only realized last week, there’s only 7 episodes this series because the eighth would have been the Asriel centric one. So only two left now after tonight! :(

Also I finished the book during the last week so I am so READY

Ahh gotta love that London traffic!

I don’t know why but the Golden Monkey wearing a seatbelt SENT ME

Mrs Coulter is watching the mother and baby :(

Boreal saying that our world is barbaric and our world is corrupt is so accurate tbh I’m not even mad

Will literally just threw the knife into the wall omfg watch it!

Red PAN-da is becoming a permanent fixture in this show apparently

Lyra’s hair was so pretty this episode? Her costume too obviously but her hair had me in awe

The theme music to this show gives me literal chills

Boreal is evil but his house is A-fucking-plus

Okay but how does Ruth Wilson always look so gorgeous and fluid in this show?!?

Her faking nearly dropping one of Boreal’s precious collection pieces and him panicking 😅

Mrs Coulter’s little “hmm” and smile... we love a Queen

“Why are we whispering?” “I don’t know” - LMFAO

“Will, you left the window open” - LMAO and also please don’t do that, that’s like one of the BIG rules about the knife!

“He’s getting good at this” “he is” - we love a supportive feral wild girl and her dæmon

Mrs Coulter looking bored as fuck as Boreal plays his music is such a damn mood

“You’d like it here too” - Umm NO STOP PLEASE SHE DOESNT WANT IT

“Carlo, can you make that stop?” - OMG 🤣

“You’re far too conspicuous like that” - but she’s not??? She just looks like a posh well dressed woman, maybe that’s not common in this world but she looks fine??

Boreal picking out clothes he’s obviously got just for her is... eww. Just ewww.

Her reaction to the jeans/clothes though XD

“Would you mind?” - YEAH BOREAL STOP CREEPING AND FUCK OFF PLEASE

“Maybe it’s time we issue a firm denial of the tear in the sky” BRO IT’S LITERALLY HUGE AND RIGHT THERE YOU CAN’T PRETEND IT AIN’T

Oh shit the Magisterium know about that witches going to the new world + the massacre

MacPhail literally imprisoned Father Graves and for WHAT?! I think the power’s getting to him (which I know it the point but still!)

MRS COULTER SHUT THE DOOR ON HER DÆMON I’M-

Okay so I know it’s been implied/said that Mrs Coulter can go far away from the monkey already, and that they maybe have been through some kind of process that’s made that a thing, but like DAMN.

“I’m sure you’ve encountered witches in your travels” - if I hadn’t already read the books, I would be asking if she IS a witch tbh like omg

This is probably one of the few times I’ll say this but... I feel so sorry for the monkey?? Just him watching her as she leaves from the window... like that’s so sad. I get why she couldn’t exactly walk around with a monkey but urgh

“I apologize if she was a nuisance” “She wasn’t a nuisance!” - Oof you tell her, Mary

“You must be so proud.” “... I am.” - OOF

Mary showing that she’s better fit to be a parent to Lyra than Lyra’s real mother tbh

Damn Marisa disappeared FAST

Mary really googled Mrs Coulter I’m-

“You must play the serpent” “hornbeam” “save the girl and the boy” - IT’S HAPPENING IM GOING TO CRY IM SO EXCITED

The computer turning completely off and the room going dark before going red OH MY GOD

“Oh shut it, Pan” - LMAO

OH NO OH NO ANGELICA FOUND TULLIO AND SHE IS PISSED D:

A+ acting from Bella Ramsay by the way

“We WILL get you” - OH SHIT

The fact that Will feels guilty over fighting and inadvertently getting Tullio attacked by spectres because he has the knife :’(

It’s so sweet to see Lyra and Pan comforting him though

“I’m not judging” - Mary’s sister says while totally judging her for reading the Holy Bible. She probably thinks she’s about to rejoin the convent!

I find the relationship between Marisa and the monkey so interesting?? I’m so intrigued by it

“Do they drink in this world?” “That, they do well.” - LMFAO ACCURATE THOUGH

“I found her arrogant, like many women in this world.” - umm, FUCK you, Boreal you misogynistic sexist piece of shit

So Mrs Coulter was denied a doctorate despite being the best in her class because she’s a woman, and they would only have published her papers if they were by a man. I’m starting to see why she got upset when she met Mary, who’s got her own office and a doctorate and is head of the department/project

“Who I could have been in this world” - oh shIT

The way she started talking about how she felt after the whole affair/baby ordeal, followed by “we’re not talking about Asriel, we’re talking about ME” - FUCK. I love Ruth Wilson’s portrayal, I love it

“You’ve spent your time trading trinkets” - lmfao you tell him ma’am

“Were you hoping to add me to your little collection?” “I was hoping this would be a life for you here” - oh god I hate it, fuck right off Carlo

“If you got me, you wouldn’t even begin to know what to do with me” - oh SHIT :O

Lyra turning up to distract them so Will could have the chance to cut a window and steal the Alethiometer had me on the edge of my seat

Let’s be real right now, the whole last 15 minutes? THE MOST TENSE AND INCREDIBLE PIECE OF TELEVISION ASDFGHJKL

Mrs Coulter’s face when she saw Lyra at the door :’(

Also she nearly saw Will and I was sitting there praying she wouldn’t find him, I was so worried even though I’ve literally just reread the book

So um THE FUCKING MONKEY BASTARD JUMPSCARED ME AND I AUDIBLY YELLED SO LOUDLY HOLY HECK

The way that Lyra saw her mum and immediately tried to run away though, she just keeps trying to yeet herself away from her parents and I honestly don’t blame her at all

Boreal was being truly extra in the way he dropped his snake dæmon out of his sleeve like that whilst advancing on Will

“Why would I trust you?” TRUTH

Coulter saying for Lyra to stay away from Will and getting super teary eyed makes me think she’s worried Lyra will suffer like she did? Like she’s worried that Lyra will suffer at the hands of men and be in the same situation she was I think? And that’s so sad but nuanced

“I am NOTHING like you.”

So Lyra did this little head move like Marisa did in 1x02, when she made the monkey attack Pan to subdue Lyra - AND THEN PAN ATTACKED THE MONKEY JUST LIKE THAT, LITERALLY EXACTLY THE SAME, AND MRS COULTER FALLING TO THE FLOOR AND CLUTCHING THE SOFA LIKE LYRA DID?? AND LYRA WATCHING WITH THIS COLD LOOK ON HER FACE?!

SOMEONE PLEASE MAKE A COMPARISON GIFSET BECAUSE IM CRYING

I love Will getting mad at Boreal taunting him over his mum, and immediately starting to punch him

HE SMASHED THAT COLLECTION PIECE ON BOREAL’S HEAD FUCK YEAH WILL 👏🏻

That was a DAMN close escape, holy fuck, but she’s got the Alethiometer back!

“The man who hurt you, I wanted to kill him” - same Lyra

I was so emotional when she was talking about how Marisa used her dæmon to hurt her and Pan, and Will saying that he’s never worried about his mum hurting him... the comparison is so sad

“I hope I’m not like either of my parents” - I mean I don’t blame her tbh

SHE CONSIDERED MA COSTA AND LEE SCORESBY TO BE BETTER PARENT FIGURES TO BE LIKE I’M CRYING

So Mrs Coulter is definitely planning some shit, like she didn’t seem that concerned when Boreal was talking about the Spectres, and like obviously I know what happens but I’ve always been intrigued as to why the Spectres listen to her instead of just attacking her. Also is it something to do with her dæmon? Like if they ARE separated in some way, maybe the Spectres don’t feed on her because it’s Dust or something? (Idk if that makes any sense)

“Deceive the guardian... okay... okay...” honestly same XD

Mary pretending to be Mrs Coulter to get past the guard is such a brilliant idea, like she just ran with it immediately, we have to stan a Queen who keeps a calm head

SHE WENT THROUGH THE WINDOW AND INTO THE CITY AAAAHHHH

The angels said they’d protect her, right? So she doesn’t need to fear the Spectres I’m assuming (I need to assume or I’ll worry)

The promo for next week was literally half what we saw THIS week and half Lee/John Parry footage I’m assuming is next week... ?

The fact there’s only two episodes left makes me so sad :( I have no idea what I’ll do waiting for the final series - and I’m assuming it’ll be delayed maybe because of Covid. Plus I’m hoping we get the extra episode NEXT series, the one that was Asriel-centred and supposed to be in this one but wasn’t filmed because of Coronavirus, so fingers crossed! 🤞

[wheresmynaya]

Lost in the Lights Ch.17|Brittana

A/N - And that's a wrap! Thank you for being patient and loving this story enough to leave reviews and even create awesome artwork and gifsets. It's been quite the journey (and ngl I'm kinda glad it's over). I know many of you would love to see this continue, but I've struggled massively just trying to find a satisfying conclusion. I hope this chapter did just that. Maybe I'll do random one-shots in the future, who knows. 

Thanks for sticking with me & I'll see you around!💙

Available on ff.net (x) ao3 (x) & under the cut!

By the time Santana returns to the sidelines where the rest of the Cheerios are gathered, she finds Quinn waiting for her there with this proud look on her face. Knowing Quinn and how long she has been rooting for her and Brittany to finally get together, Santana already has an idea of what she’s about to say.

“I saw that,” Quinn comments slyly.

Santana fights the blush blooming, but it’s hard when she feels like everyone in the entire stadium is looking at her – especially after that kiss.

She really couldn’t help it though.

Similarly to the way she reacted when Brittany suffered that serious hit, Santana was drawn to the girl. Her feet were moving well before her head registered where she was going and this time was no different, but a flash of a camera brings her back down to Earth.

“Yeah, you aren’t the only one,” Santana quips in attempt to mask that uneasy feeling in her stomach.

It’s an unnerving feeling, but there’s no way she’d ever want to take back her actions. Hell, she should’ve kissed Brittany when she asked her to but she was still trying to appease everyone for some reason – she was still trying to play by their rules.

But there’s this odd feeling beneath the surface – a feeling of empowerment, like the bonds have broken and she’s finally been set free.

That was the last time she’ll be playing by their rules, because now she has seen what a kiss like that can do. It doesn’t matter who is watching because the way Brittany lit up, the way it made Santana feel to be just like everyone else celebrating on that field, to share a kiss with someone she loves – she loves – for once: it was magic.

She won’t take it back and she isn’t going to apologize for doing it either.

At some point she has to get used to the idea that people will stare and sometimes they won’t, she just can’t let it phase her because there’s no way she can regress from this. She has to be unapologetically herself and that’s hard, but it’s better than trying to be someone else. She owes it to herself to keep pushing her own boundaries and she owes to Brittany to be brave.

“Way to rock the boat,” Quinn jokes as she gathers her things and stuffs it into her duffle bag, “I’ve never seen someone look so happy. I couldn’t tell if she was more excited about the win or you.”  

Santana relaxes a little and says, “I told her.”

“Told her what?” Quinn quirks a brow but then she connects the dots on her own and her eyes widen, “Wait, you told her? Like you – “

Suddenly Santana can’t stop the smile from forming at the memory, “Yes.”

Apparently, neither can Quinn. She just pulls Santana in for a hug.

Santana laughs at how tightly Quinn’s holding on, “What’s this for?”

“I was going to tease the hell out of you but I’m just so proud,” Quinn replies, “You’ve really come such a long way. It’s about goddamn time!”

“Thanks,” Santana replies and for some odd reason she actually feels a little choked up as Quinn pulls away. She swallows back whatever that is and adds, “I didn’t even plan on telling her until I was saying it. It just felt right though, I said it and then wondered why it took me so long to tell her in the first place.”

“You’re always a little late to the party,” Quinn teases and Santana swats her arm for that. Quinn only laughs, “What? It’s true!”

Santana snorts, “Well, my dad’s probably losing his shit right about now.”

“That would explain why he’s not with your mom,” Quinn comments with a nod over Santana’s shoulder.

They both look over to where Santana’s mom is speaking with Whitney and Pete. From where Santana’s standing, the conversation between the families looks like it’s going pretty well. She wouldn’t expect anything less, especially if her dad isn’t involved. She knows after the stunt she pulled, he’ll have something to say which is why he probably left – so they can deal with this privately.  

“Great,” Santana grumbles, “Just what I need.”

“Your mom’s still here so that’s a plus. Right?”

“Yeah. I guess so.”

Quinn lets out a tired sigh and Santana does the same.

Instead of making a move, Santana glances back over to Brittany. She can see the blonde talking excitedly with the recruiter from Ohio State and Santana swells with pride. After a great game like that, she’s hoping that guy is offering Brittany everything she wants and then some.

If anyone deserves it, it’s Brittany.

“You want me to go with you?” Quinn offers and nods in the direction of Santana and Brittany’s families, “They’re calling you over.”

Santana takes a deep breath, “That’s okay. I’ll go.”

“Okay,” Quinn gives her an encouraging smile, “I’ll see you at Puck’s?”

“Hopefully,” Santana nods before slinging on her duffle and joining her mom.

\\

“Hi Mrs. Pierce,” Santana greets politely before smiling down at Brittany’s brother, “Hey Petey

“What an amazing performance,” Whitney compliments her.

Santana smiles bashfully, “Thank you.”

“I didn’t realize this school had so many talented teams!” Whitney says.

“Oh no, it’s just been the Cheerios for years,” Santana replies with a chuckle, “The Titans actually being good is all thanks to Brittany.”

Whitney gives her a knowing smile before Pete excitedly interrupts.

“Santana!” He shrieks, “I didn’t know you could fly! It was so cool!”

Santana gives him a curious look before he goes on and on about how awesome Santana was during the Cheerios half time performance.

“Oh, you mean when they threw me in the air?” Santana clarifies. Pete nods with a toothy grin and it makes Santana laugh, “That was more like falling with style.”

Pete’s draw drops, “Like Buzz Lightyear?”

Santana smirks, “Exactly.”

Pete matches her expression, “Super cool.”

She knows he’s only a kid but the praise makes her feel pretty good about herself and the proud smiles Whitney and Maribel wear only add to that feeling.

If only her dad was there to offer some type of praise of his own.

“So where’s Papi?” Santana asks Maribel.

She instantly feels the vibe change at his mention. Whitney must feel it too and starts to look for an out of the conversation.

“Well, we better go see Brittany,” She says, “I think she might be finished with that recruiter now.”

“Let’s go!” Pete tugs on Whitney’s sleeve, “Bye Santana! Bye Miss Maribel!”

Maribel chuckles as she joins Santana in waving goodbye to them. Her expression falters just a little as she turns back to Santana, “Your dad had to leave right away. There was some paperwork that he needed to – “

“It’s okay,” Santana interrupts, “You don’t need to make up an excuse for him. I know he’s angry with me for causing another scene or whatever.”

Maribel sighs, “It’s not that, mija.”

“No? Then what is it?”

Maribel gives her daughter that look that says watch that attitude. Santana softens but still crosses her arms over her chest. Honestly, she doesn’t know why she expected anything different from her dad. Of course he’d react so dramatically and of course she’d be left in the wake of it all feeling like absolute shit.

“How many times did I say talk to him?” Maribel asks, “How many times did I say the sooner the better? How do you think he’d react when he found out you have been keeping things from him? You’ve harbored them until they’ve built up and now there’s a mountain where there used to be a molehill.”

Santana scuffs her tennis shoe at the turf. She can feel that empowered feeling from earlier fleeting but instead of feeling sorry for herself, she laughs bitterly.

“What?” She huffs, “He’s mad because I didn’t tell him about me and Brittany?”

“No mija,” Maribel sighs, “He’s hurt.”

Santana’s eyes widen at that, “He’s… How? He hasn’t exactly been too keen to know about my love life so why would I bother now?”

“Santana, it’s more than that. Like I have been telling you all this time,” Maribel replies, “You need to talk to him.”

Santana sucks in an aggravated deep breath, “Why does this fall on me?”

Maribel softens, “This is your life, mija, what you have to say needs to come from you if you want things to change.”

Santana frowns at that, but Maribel continues.

“He’s still your dad and you might not think so but he wants to be included in your life. He just doesn’t know how to do that anymore,” Maribel adds, “You’ve both been butting heads for so long that neither of you know how to act around each other.”

Santana grits her teeth and looks away, but Maribel reaches for her.

“At some point, a parent realizes that they might not know all the answers. You have to teach him, Santana,” Maribel explains, “You have to give him a chance to get to know the real you and not the person you think he wants you to be. You have to give him the same opportunity that you’ve given me otherwise this is what your relationship will be: you both hurting each other without ever speaking about it.”

Santana relaxes because her mom makes a good point. There’s just so much to work through and Santana’s scared that if she does give him a chance then he’ll only hurt her all over again. But a little part of her thinks about Brittany and what wise words she’d have for her.

“You have to at least try, right?”

Santana sighs because even when she isn’t there, Brittany’s always like her guiding light, her beacon of hope, her rock.

“Okay,” Santana finally says, “I’ll talk to him.”

Maribel smiles as she wraps her arm around Santana’s shoulders and kisses her temple, “It’ll be fine.”

Santana only nods, hoping that she’s right.

\\

When Santana and Maribel return home, Santana skips changing out of her uniform in favor of going straight to her dad. She figures her uniform has always felt like armor so it only makes sense that she continues to wear it now when she feels the most vulnerable.

As she knocks at Hector’s office door and is called in, she feels like she’s about to see Principal Figgins – except this is much worse. Hector is at his desk and his brows are pushed together in hard concentration as reads the computer screen in front of him.

That stops when Santana takes a seat in the arm chair by the book shelf. It’s the farthest she can be from her dad and it’s also the closest seat to the door incase she needs to make a run for it.

Ridiculous, but necessary – maybe. She has hope, but it has been misplaced before.

Hector turns off the computer screen but is slow to make eye contact with Santana. It’s nothing new to her though and they plummet into a heavy silence. She tries to put on a brave face like always, but she doesn’t think this time will be like the others.

It can’t be like the others. Something has to give.

She sits there in the leather arm chair feeling the smallest she’s ever felt because above her are framed diplomas from Harvard in these ornate frames and they stare down at her like they know every one of her dirty little secrets.

It makes her want to run and hide.

It makes her want to abandon this whole idea, but the beginning of the truth has reared its ugly head and there’s no turning back now – she can do nothing but face the inevitable.

In a sudden burst of confidence or courage or stupidity, Santana finally rips the band aid off and says what comes to mind first, addressing the biggest elephant in the room.

“I don’t want to go to Harvard.”

The words leave her lips for a second time and it’s a relief to say them again – especially to her dad – but now she feels suspended in midair like she’s waiting to either be caught or slam to the ground.

When Hector doesn’t say anything it makes the wait feel even worse.

He just sits there with his eyes focused on his desk, unmoving and unreadable. It’s like Santana’s looking in a mirror and it’s enough to push her to be different, to be better, to learn from his missteps so she doesn’t fall into the same cycle. She feels the familiar need to apologize worming its way up, but she swallows it back because what does she have to be sorry for? She’s finally being honest for once, why would she try to hide that?

Hector shifts in his seat and utters his first words, “Since when?”

Santana threads her fingers together in her lap and shrugs, “I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to go there.”

“But, we’ve talked about this for so long?” Hector replies looking shocked, “Harvard is your dream school.”

Santana shakes her head, “We’ve never talked about it. You and Abuelo just assumed that’s where I would go and you planned accordingly. I guess it’s also on me though, because I didn’t want to let either of you down. I didn’t want to be the one to break tradition, but Harvard…it isn’t my dream school.”

“Oh,” Hector breathes out and it’s the most dejected sound Santana’s ever heard.

“I should’ve said something sooner,” Santana mumbles.

Hector continues to try and piece things together, “Can I ask what changed?”

Santana has thought about the answer to this particular question for so long and she has yet to come up with anything straight forward. It’s more like a feeling that she can’t really explain and she doubts her dad would understand that.

Her dad is someone who doesn’t deviate from tradition, like ever. Hector does what is expected of him and follows every social cue on the planet, never being one to rock the boat. For awhile, Santana was like that too but then everything with Bree and Dani happened – she couldn’t really follow the status quo anymore.

As much as she hated that time of her life, if it didn’t happen where would she be today? Still in the closet? Still trying to pretend to be someone she isn’t? She can’t keep living her life by trying to please everyone else, it just makes her feel miserable.

“I just…I don’t think it’s the place for me,” Santana answers instead.

“But you,” Hector pauses to knead his forehead, “This doesn’t make any sense. Do you even want to be a doctor anymore?”

Santana sighs, “Of course I do. I still want to help people, I just don’t want to follow your exact footsteps. I want to go my own way.”

Hector nods like everything’s starting to sink in, “You’ve never been interested in going anywhere else. You can understand why this is a shock to me.”

“Honestly, I didn’t think I had a choice,” Santana replies, “Especially after everything that happened last year. I just wanted to make you proud of me again, but I don’t think that’s going to happen anytime soon. I might as well do things for me now.”

“Wait,” Hector finally looks to Santana, “You don’t think I’m proud of you?”

Santana shrugs, but she finally sees the hurt look in his eyes and it confuses her.

“Santana, that’s…,” Hector shakes his head, “That’s not true.”

Santana lets out a dry chuckle, “Let’s be honest, you haven’t been proud of me since Bree and JBI posted that stupid video. Since then, you can barely be in the same room as me.”

Hector doesn’t say a word, just listens.

“It was never my intention to ruin everything,” Santana admits and she starts to feel that familiar lump form in her throat but there’s no stopping the truth from escaping now, “I’ve tried so hard for so long to be the perfect daughter, but I’m tired of spinning my wheels for nothing. I make good grades, I’m Co-Captain of the Cheerios and I stay out of trouble…most of the time. I think that’s pretty good considering I was outed to the whole damn town. Everywhere I went, there was always someone commenting on my life. There was also someone staring at me, someone whispering about how sinful my behavior was. Aside from Quinn, I was completely alone for so long. I could’ve gone batshit crazy but I didn’t. I put my head down and tried to do everything I could to be someone you were proud of, to get back into your good graces.”

Hector continues to listen silently, but his lack of response puts Santana on edge.

“Clearly, I haven’t been done a very good job,” Santana huffs in attempt to mask her hurt, “I’ve hated how we’ve grown apart this past year, but I shouldn’t be the only one trying to fix things. Especially since I’ve been bending over backwards to redeem myself for what happened. You shunned me and yet I was still trying to please you. I’m not doing that anymore – I can’t go back to the way things were before, I just can’t.”

Hector clears his throat and asks, “Before what?”

“God, before I told you that I’m gay!” Santana responds. She surprises herself by how confidently she said those words so much so that she says them again, “I’m gay, Papi, and I’m tired of it being another thing that we don’t talk about. I’m tired of walking on eggshells around you. I’m tired of trying to make all this progress then come home to you taking it all away. I’m tired of you making me feel so inadequate.”

Hector’s shoulder drop as he slumps back in his chair like Santana just dealt him the hardest hit.

“I don’t expect you to go waving around a rainbow flag or offer to take me to my first Pride festival but you’re going to have to acknowledge it because that’s a part of who I am,” Santana continues, “I know it’s not what you wanted, but I can’t pretend anymore. I can’t keep doing things to please everyone else. This is me and I’m not going to apologize for it.”

She doesn’t realize she has said nearly the exact same words she once did to her Abuela before she was shut out and it makes her heart clench painfully. She had felt so small in her Abuela’s kitchen when she uttered those words last time, but now? This is her standing up for herself, this is her taking back her life and her dad can either support her or step aside.

“I’m gay, Papi,” Santana says with a sort of finality, “And I have this amazing girlfriend that I love who just wants me to be me. You know how long I’ve waited for someone like that, someone who just…accepts me?” Santana bats away her tears, “I thought I’d have to leave this shitty town just to finally feel like myself but Brittany made me realize that I don’t have to do that. I don’t have to bend for anyone.”

Santana she feels like a bottle rocket about to set flight after finally laying it all out there like that, but she takes a calming breath and speaks directly from her heart.

“I’m gay and I’m not going to Harvard,” Santana says with confidence, “You either learn to accept that so we can all move on or you stay stuck like this – like Abuela – and we just won’t have a relationship anymore.”

Hector tenses his jaw at that and he actually looks a little hurt, but Santana has been hurt too by his words and lack thereof. She’s not going to tip toe anymore, she’s going to say how she feels when she feels it starting right now.

“Is that what you want?” Santana presses with tears streaming down her face, “Because I don’t. I don’t want to lose my dad because of a stupid legacy or something beyond my control. You think I wanted to be gay? You think I wanted to make my life harder than it already has been?”

“Santana stop,” Hector finally speaks, his voice soft yet unwavering. Santana’s chest heaves and her eyes blur with more tears as Hectors adds, “That’s not my intention either. You aren’t going to lose me and I don’t want lose you.”

Santana tries to calm herself down by taking slow inhales and it makes Hector look to his daughter guiltily. Her thoughts are a scattered mess but despite being scared as hell it feels pretty good to get these things off of her chest.

“I’m so sorry,” He says. His lips part but the words struggle to form. It almost looks like he’s tearing up too which Santana has rarely seen.

“I’m trying – I’m trying to find the right words to say,” He admits, “I grew up very differently than you so these kind of conversations don’t come easy for me. Your Abuelo and Abuela weren’t easy to talk to as you can imagine. We didn’t speak about our feelings or what hurts us. We just put our heads down and ignored them until we thought they went away.”

“Well my feelings aren’t going to be ignored,” Santana says firmly.

“I know,” Hector reasons, “I know. I just want you to know where I’m coming from too. I would never go against your Abuela or Abuelo like this. I’d fall in line because that’s what I’ve always known, but that doesn’t mean I’ve never disagreed with them. I have, but I’m not brave like you – I never spoke up.”

Santana nods as she bats away her tears.

“You know I’m old school. The importance of family and reputation were ingrained in me a long time ago – same as keeping your opinions and feelings to yourself – and I’ve continued that with you when I shouldn’t have. I could see that it was wrong but I did nothing to stop it because of that I have rarely done things for me,” Hector adds, “But you aren’t like that. You have your own voice and – unlike me – you actually use it.”

Not as often as I’d like to, Santana thinks.

“To be honest,” Hector says, “That’s something I admire the most about you.”

Santana looks confused, “Really?”

“Of course,” Hector nods, “You’re doing something I’ve never had the courage to do growing up. I should’ve done a better job encouraging it, even if we don’t always agree.”

Santana blinks away her tears, “That’s just…not the impression I’ve gotten. You’ve been so distant and pushing Harvard on me for so long and then what you said to Brittany about having options? That has never been a thing for me, my future has always felt like it has been planned without my input.”

“Because I thought Harvard was what you wanted,” Hector replies, “You never said anything otherwise so I just assumed you had your heart set on that school. I love you, Santana, and I’ve always wanted what was best for you. If you wanted Harvard, I’d do everything I can to get you there – even if that means giving you some tough love.”

Santana just shakes her head, “I can’t believe this.”

“I’m sorry that I haven’t been approachable,” Hector responds earnestly, “I’m sorry for making you think that I’m not proud of you or that I don’t support you because I do. I’m just not very good at showing it. You being gay, sure it caught me by surprise but I’m not like your Abuela. It’s new to me and I don’t know the right things to say most of the time but I do want to learn. I would never love you any less because of it.”

Tears stream freely down Santana’s cheeks and Hector quickly closes the distance between them. He wipes away Santana’s tears with his thumbs and holds her face gently in his hands as he continues to speak.

“You are still my girl, Santana, no matter who you love or what college you want to go to,” Hector says through a smile, “I’m sorry I ever made you think otherwise.”

Santana can’t help but throw herself into her dad’s arms. She’s tried to be tough, tried to have this hard exterior and pretend that their rocky relationship didn’t phase her too much, but it did. To finally be able to hug him again, to have this kind of reassurance means everything to her.

Hector holds her tightly; it’s the first time they’ve hugged in nearly a year.  

“I want to be included in your life. To see you out there after the game tonight with Brittany, you both looking so happy, it made me feel like I was missing something. You know?” Hector sighs as he pulls away. He sits back on his knees and stares at the young woman Santana’s becoming, “I’ve never seen you that happy with any of the boys you’ve brought home and I started to understand a little more but it hurt at the same time. It hurt because I had to learn of your relationship rather than you feeling comfortable enough to tell me on your own. I don’t want it to be like that, I don’t want to miss anything.”

Santana nods, feeling similarly. She just wants their relationship to be as close as it was before. Actually, no. She wants it to be better and she thinks after a conversation like this that maybe that’s a possibility. Maybe they can actually grow from this?

“I don’t want our relationship to be like mine and your Abuelo’s was. I want you to talk to me, to tell me what’s on your mind,” Hector says softly as he brushes through Santana’s hair with his hand, “You and I…we’re a lot alike when it comes to this talking stuff. You’re a lot better at it than I am, so I’m going to need your help.”

“Okay,” Santana mumbles through her smile. “I can do that.”

“Okay,” Hector agrees before going to take a steadying breath. He chuckles to himself as he rises from the hardwood floors and takes a seat on the foot rest next to Santana.

There’s a change in the air and Santana’s so grateful for it. There’s a familiar warmth again that has been missing and suddenly the walls don’t feel like they’re closing in on her. The office doesn’t feel so cold and uninviting, because Hector is there softly smiling at her.

“What?” Santana wonders with a nervous laugh.

Hectors shakes his head and shrugs, “I want to know so much but I don’t know where to begin. I have a lot to catch up on I think.”

Santana nods. She can faintly hear her mom’s voice in her head reminding her to give Hector the same opportunities she gave Maribel in regards to inviting him in to get to know the real her.

So she tries it out and asks, “What do you want to know?”

“Well,” Hector scratches at his stubbled chin in thought, “I guess if Harvard’s out, where are you thinking now? College is still a must in this family after all.”

Santana catches him wink and she knows that this is meant to be a less serious conversation than the one before. It’s a good feeling to know that she and Hector are on the same page now and that she doesn’t have to harbor this secret any longer – the weight has been lifted.

“I’ve been working on that,” Santana tells him, “Miss Pillsbury says I could go anywhere I want but I’m keeping my options open for now. I just want to be certain before I make my decision.”

“Smart,” Hector replies, “And I’m assuming you won’t want to follow me into dermatology?”

“Definitely not,” Santana scrunches her nose and it makes Hector laugh, “I’ve actually been doing some research on Sports Medicine programs. With my background with the Cheerios and being so close to all kinds of games, I kind of like still being apart of the action on the sidelines…just in a different uniform.”

“As long as you’re sticking to medical I’m happy,” Hector jokes before asking, “And what about Brittany? Has she decided where she will go yet?”

Santana relaxes more, loving how easily they’re able to talk now, “She was speaking to a recruiter from Ohio State after the game tonight, but with her talent she could go anywhere too.”

“That sounds promising,” Hector replies, “She is very talented and what a great game! I’m sure that recruiter was very impressed with her.”

“Yeah,” Santana swells with pride, “She was amazing out there.”

“Speaking of,” Hector starts to smirk, “You said love before, that’s pretty big.”

Santana feels her heart skip a beat as she looks up at her dad, “It’s a relatively new thing.”

“Is it?” Hector asks, “I could sort of suspect something was going on with how protective you were being when she had lunch with us awhile back, but I wasn’t certain. You sometimes act the same way with Quinn so I didn’t want to assume.”

Santana blushes, “I didn’t realize I did that.”

“You’re a Lopez,” Hector says proudly, “We’re protective of who we love.”

“Oh,” Santana starts to blush, “I’ve never met anyone like her before. She makes me want to be the best version of myself. When I’m with Brittany I finally understand what people are talking about when they talk about love. I just hope she feels the same way.”

“You’re not sure?” Hector asks.

Santana pauses to wonder: Is she really unsure?

She has often heard the saying actions speak louder than words and if that’s true then Brittany’s speak loud and clear. She’s been patient with Santana’s journey even if she took the long way around, she challenges her when necessary but she’s never forceful. She checks Santana when she needs to be checked, but she also cares for her like no one else has.

She’s no expert, but that sounds a lot like love to her.

“I mean, think I might have an idea,” Santana says, “But it’d be nice to hear it from her.”

Hector smiles, “I’m glad you’ve found each other.”

“That’s part of the reason why I want to keep my options open for now,” Santana explains, “Maybe that’s a little crazy since we haven’t been together for long, but I don’t know. I want to at least stay close. We haven’t actually talked too much about what we’ll do after graduation.”

Hector hums through his knowing smile, “You’ll figure it out together. I hear Ohio State has a pretty good Sports Medicine program. One of the best in the country, actually.”

Santana gives him a grin, “I know.”

\\

When Santana leaves Hector’s office a moment later, she’s never felt so light. It actually feels like a weight has been lifted and she’s so happy that the conversation turned out a whole lot better than the one she had with her Abuela. There’s still a lot to repair, but at least they’re on the right track now. At least there’s hope of turning the relationship around, because Santana hated the idea of going on about life without having her dad around.

After everything that happened tonight, after everyone saw her and Brittany together, at least she has one more person in her corner to support her.

\\\\\

Brittany stands in Puck’s kitchen with her back against the wall and a red solo cup in her hand. Mike and Sam talk excitedly about highlights of the game for the hundredth time, but Brittany can’t seem to focus long enough to be apart of the conversation. She just nods mindlessly and laughs when they do, but her head is elsewhere.

Anytime the front door opens, her eyes dart to it hoping that it’s Santana but it never is.

As Sam goes on to re-tell the final play of the game, Brittany fishes out her phone to check if she has any new messages. She frowns when all she sees is the time and the lock screen background of her and Santana from the Homecoming dance.

No new messages. No missed calls.

As the minutes tick by and the house gets more and more crowded, Brittany’s desire to be there dwindles. She can’t celebrate yet, not without her girl, it just doesn’t feel quite right. She recalls Santana mentioning being grounded forever when they spoke at the game and Brittany hopes that isn’t the case – especially with how they ended things.

There’s still so much she wants to say and the longer she holds it in, the more she feels like she’s going to pop like a balloon. She should’ve just said it then and there. Who cares if she makes Beiste and Cooter wait? Making sure that Santana knows she’s loved is important too.

She lets out a heavy sigh before taking a sip of her drink, but the sound grabs Mike’s attention.

He looks curiously at her and asks, “Have you tried calling?”

Brittany blinks out of her thoughts, “Huh?”

“Santana,” He clarifies knowingly, “I know that’s why you’re looking so grumpy. Have you tried calling her?”

“Oh,” Brittany stares into her cup, “No, I haven’t. She said she had something to deal with after the game so I don’t want to interrupt. I just hope she isn’t in trouble or anything.”

“Why would she be in trouble?” He asks.

Brittany shrugs, “Don’t know. Just a feeling, I guess?”

Mike nods, “Well Quinn isn’t here yet either and they’re meant to be getting ready together. Maybe they’re just taking longer than usual?”

Brittany takes a calming breath, “Yeah, maybe.”

\\

Brittany tries to enjoy herself, or at least look a little more interested in the conversation taking place around her. If she spends the time trying to guess what’s happening with Santana, she’ll only ruin everyone else’s time with her worrying. Mike’s probably right anyway about Santana and Quinn taking a long time so there’s no use in getting worked up over it.

However, it doesn’t help that five minutes later Quinn breezes in through the door alone.

Brittany watches as the Co-Captain makes her way through the living room crowded with dancing partygoers, waving at fellow Cheerios as she goes. Her eyes dart back to the door, wondering if Santana is only a few steps behind but it remains closed.

Once Quinn makes her way over to where Brittany, Mike and Sam have been talking, she looks around confusedly.

“Is Santana here?” Quinn asks Brittany.

Brittany frowns, “No, I thought she was with you?”

Quinn shakes her head, “She wasn’t answering my texts so I got ready on my own. I thought you two might be together already.”

Brittany bites her lip, trying to keep that sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach at bay. She doesn’t want to read too much into everything, but she remembers the look on Hector’s face after Santana kissed her on the field. Brittany knows their history and it puts her on edge. She tries valiantly to keep the pestering questions stacking up in her head at bay but it’s hard when Santana isn’t around to explain.

“I’m sure she’s not too far behind,” Quinn adds reassuringly, “She probably has her phone on silent still. Coach makes us do that during games so no one is distracted by a notification.”

Brittany nods, but she’s still not convinced.

\\

Brittany lasts another ten minutes before she’s had enough of the waiting game. She’s putting down her cup on the counter and grabbing her discarded letterman jacket.

“Where you off to?” Mike asks.

“I’m going to check on her,” Brittany states to her friends as she shrugs it on, “Something feels off.”

“Britt, you’ve been drinking,” Sam points out.

“I’ll walk,” Brittany replies quickly, “I don’t have my car here anyway.”

“Do you want us to come?” Mike asks and Quinn nods too.  

“Let me try her again?” Quinn offers as she gets out her phone, “She does take forever to get ready though so I wouldn’t be too worried, Britt.”

Brittany nods, but she’s passed thinking this is only about how long it takes Santana to get ready. She keeps thinking back to Santana’s cryptic words at the game and it makes her feel uneasy.

If Santana’s being punished for that kiss or something ridiculous then Brittany wants to know for sure and she wants to be the one to give Santana’s dad a piece of her mind. Out of everything Santana’s gone through, he can’t take this away from her too – no one can.

“I’m just going to go to her house,” Brittany tells them, “I’ll let you know when I see her.”

She doesn’t give them much room to argue, just leaves the kitchen and heads for the front door. The living room is packed with the usual crowd and once Brittany starts to weave through them, they try pulling her onto the makeshift dancefloor. Familiar voices call out her name and Puck’s in the center of it all pumping his fist to the beat, but stops when he finds Brittany.

“Bout time, Pierce! I was wondering when you were going to tear up the dancefloor,” Puck cheers, “Where’s your drink?”

Brittany nods to the door, “I’ve got to go.”

Puck frowns, “Leaving? Already? The party’s just getting started!”

“I’ll be back,” Brittany assures him, “I’m only getting Santana.”

“Ah right,” Puck smirks before patting Brittany on the shoulder, “I mean, seeing you two after the game…if you guys ever need a third, I’m – ”

“Not interested,” Brittany says before narrowing her eyes at him.

“Woah!” Puck laughs, not really seeing that he’s crossed a line, “I didn’t even say what I was going to say.”

“I don’t need to hear it,” Brittany states, “Don’t make a comment like that about us to me or Santana again. Next time, I won’t be so polite.”

Puck instantly backs off, “Yo, chill! I thought it was a compliment?”

“Really?” Brittany grits her teeth, “You douse yourself in cologne after practice rather than taking an actual shower. So on personal hygiene alone, I don’t think any girl would think your offer was a compliment.”

“Damn, okay! My bad!” Puck says with his pride hurt, “Don’t gotta be so mean.”

Suddenly Kurt appears next to her with Tina and Mercedes flanking him. She’s surprised to see them there, she must’ve been so caught up in worrying over Santana that she didn’t see them there on the dancefloor.

“You okay, Britt?” Kurt asks, looking between the too curiously.

Brittany only glares at Puck one last time before shifting to Kurt, “I’m good. Glad to see you guys here.”

“Wouldn’t miss it,” Kurt assures her then glances to Puck, “Especially since Puck graciously opened up the invite to everyone not just the high society.”

“So kind of him,” Mercedes comments sarcastically.

“See, Puckerman? Being a decent guy isn’t so hard,” Brittany adds and waits expectantly for a smart ass comment from Puck.

Surprisingly, Puck looks between everyone and decides he’s outnumbered. With a sigh he waves them all off, “Yeah, yeah. Enjoy yourselves.”

As he disappears back into the sea of dancers, Kurt turns to Brittany and quirks his brow.

“Surely you aren’t leaving already?” He asks, “The night is young.”

“Yeah Britt,” Tina adds, “You’ll have to dance with us!”

“At least one song,” Mercedes says.

“I will,” Brittany assures them, “I just – I’ll be right back. I need to take care of something first.”

Kurt looks a little unsure but it isn’t his place to meddle, so he just shrugs and bids Brittany a goodbye for now. Brittany gives her friends a last reassuring smile before returning to her mission of finding Santana.

\\

The mission ends up being short lived because as soon as Brittany swings open the front door she finds exactly who she’s been missing: Santana. It looks like Brittany caught her in mid-pace and there’s this surprised look on Santana’s face, but it softens when she sees who is staring back.

“Santana,” Brittany breathes out as she takes in the sight of her girlfriend, “I’ve been looking for you.”

“Hey Britt,” Santana replies meekly, “Sorry I’m so late.”

Although there’s a small smile playing on Santana’s lips, something feels a little off. There’s a strange heaviness in the air and Brittany isn’t sure if it’s because she has spent the last hour wondering where Santana was and now all of a sudden she’s standing in front of her. She should feel relieved, except instead it feels like she’s holding her breath – but why?

“That’s alright,” Brittany responds with a shrug, “I was only getting a tiny bit worried, but you’re here now.”

“Yeah,” Santana starts to play with her fingers and that’s all the confirmation Brittany needs.

Something’s definitely up.

She closes the door behind her in hopes that it’ll muffle the loud music playing inside and give them some privacy before returning to the party. It’s such a contrast from once being surrounded by friends and music with a drink in her hand just a few minutes ago to now being alone with Santana in the eerie quiet. The only sounds are the muffled bass and the pounding of Brittany’s heart in her ears.

She doesn’t know why she feels suddenly nervous standing there, or why her palms are beginning to sweat, but she tries to shake it off. It’s only Santana, there’s nothing to be nervous about.

“What are you doing out here by yourself?” Brittany asks, filling the silence, “The party’s inside.”

“I know,” Santana says shyly.

Brittany takes a step closer, “Is everything okay?”

Santana nods, “Yeah. I was just trying to find the courage, I guess, to go in on my own.”

“The courage?”

Santana squeezes her hands together, “Things are changing. Well, thing’s have been changing for awhile now.”

Brittany tilts her head to the side, unsure of where this is going.

Santana softens, “You know, on my way over here JBI sent me a link of his latest episode?”

Brittany bites her lip, “He did?”

“Yeah,” Santana shifts from side to side, “I didn’t watch it, obviously, but I can probably guess what it’s about.”

Brittany looks down at the space between them. Of course someone would find a way to ruin this moment for them, of course they couldn’t just be like everyone else. She’s trying to find the right words to say or some type of solution to all of this, but Santana only lets out a quiet chuckle.

“I’m guessing everyone knows about us now, even if they weren’t at the game,” Santana continues, “And I’m sure there will be talks and looks because you know this damn town loves to gossip.”  

Brittany nods. Even if she wasn’t here for everything that happened to Santana last year, she feels like maybe this is history repeating itself.

“But you know what?” Santana asks.

“What?”

“I don’t think I care about what they’ll have to say,” Santana says confidently, “Actually, I know I won’t because once I go through that door it’ll mark the beginning of something new.”

“Oh,” Brittany gives Santana a hopeful smile because she wasn’t expecting that kind of answer, “That’s a good thing, right?”

“Of course,” Santana answers, “I know that once I go in there I don’t need to pretend to be someone I’m not anymore. I don’t have anything to hide. I couldn’t care less about what’ll happen to my reputation because I don’t really give a damn about what these people think of me. I can’t believe how long it has taken me to realize that, but I just want to be myself for a change and have a good time with my girlfriend.”

Brittany’s breath hitches at the sound of Santana being so sure of herself. She really has come such a long way and Brittany feels so grateful to have witnessed her journey.

“But I’m still standing out here because I feel like this is a moment,” Santana adds, “I feel like it’s a big moment before everything changes and I wanted to make sure I was ready.”

Brittany silently reaches for Santana’s hand to hold as if to say I’m here for you too.

“And as much of a relief it is to be able to do that now, to be open and sure of who I am, I’m still working on it. It still takes me a second to muster the courage first,” Santana explains.

Brittany nods in understanding, still quietly listening to every word.

“Maybe in the future it won’t take as long,” Santana says, “Maybe I won’t even have to pause, it’ll just come second nature? But right here, right now, I’m not quite there yet. I still have to take a moment because…this is big.”

Brittany stares back adoringly before she’s taking a step closer until she can pull Santana in for a kiss. It’s their first one since being on the field and it’s like coming home.

“You’re so brave, Santana,” Brittany tells her, “One of the bravest I’ve ever met.”

Santana blushes, “Says you.”

“No seriously. I’ve got nothing on you,” Brittany teases before tugging Santana in for a hug. She kisses the top of Santana’s head and inhales the sweet smelling shampoo as smiles, “I’m so proud of you. It might be a big moment, but we can do this together. You and I, we’re in this together. We can stay out here for as long as you like. Whatever you want to do.”

“Thanks,” Santana grins up at her before leaning back, “How's the elbow? I see they didn’t put you in a sling.”

Brittany only shrugs as she glances to it, “It’s a little bruised but it doesn't hurt that bad. I actually forgot all about it.”

“Oh really?” Santana pokes at it lightly, “No tenderness?”

Brittany tries to stifle her groan, “Mm-mm.”

Santana smirks, “Not sure if I believe you.”

Brittany chuckles and tries to flirt, “Feel free to examine me yourself, Doc,”

“Maybe later,” Santana winks before nodding over to the bench off to the side, “Can we sit?”

Brittany nods and lets Santana lead the way. It’s only a few steps away, but once they sit they sink into each other’s sides so comfortably. Brittany doesn’t even mind the cold, not when Santana’s pressed against her – it’s like the warmest she’s ever been.

“I spoke to my dad,” Santana mentions after a pause.

“Oh?” Brittany’s brows rise, “Is that what you were talking about at the game?”

Santana nods, “Yeah. That’s why I was so late and couldn’t return your texts.”

“So,” Brittany presses, “How’d it go? I’m guessing you aren’t grounded for the rest of your life if you’re here or did you sneak out?”

Santana chuckles, “I’m not grounded, no. It went surprisingly well, I think. I finally told him about not wanting to go to Harvard.”

“And how’d he take that?”

“Fine. It was mostly all just a big miscommunication, but once we got to talking about it everything was fine,” Santana answers, “It’s kind of silly how long I put it off because I was so afraid of letting him down. I probably should've said something a lot sooner.”

Brittany nods as she cuddles Santana closer, “But its okay because you got there in the end.”

“True,” Santana smiles up at her, “We actually talked about you too.”

“Me?”

“Mhmm,” Santana hums.

“What’d you say?”

Santana shrugs coyly, “Just stuff.”

Brittany narrows her eyes and it makes Santana giggle.

“Nothing bad,” Santana amends, “I promise.”

Brittany pretends to look unconvinced but she soon relents after Santana presses a kiss to her cheek. Who could stand their ground after that, especially when Santana’s cheeks are cutely bunched as she bats her long lashes.

“Alright,” Brittany laughs, “Well…I’m glad everything worked out between you and your dad. I’m sure you feel way better after telling him the truth about Harvard too.”

“Yeah,” Santana replies, “There’s still some work to be done, but we’re in a lot better place now. I think things are looking up for us now.”

“That’s so good!” Brittany beams, “I’m happy for you.”

“Yeah,” Santana sighs as she looks up at Brittany affectionately, “I don't know what I would've done without you.”

“I am pretty awesome, huh?” Brittany jokes despite her cheeks flushing from the compliment.

“Don't make me take it back,” Santana chuckles, “But seriously, I don’t see this year turning out the same way it did if you hadn’t moved here.”

“Hey, I needed you just as much as you needed me,” Brittany assures her, “This year wouldn’t have been the same without you either. With everything that happened at the beginning of the year: losing my dad, moving away from the place I’ve lived all my life, feeling like I had to start over. I needed you too. You’re something else, Santana.”

Santana only blushes before the front door is suddenly swung open and their peaceful little bubble is popped.

“There you two are!” Quinn sighs as Mike pokes his head out behind her, “So much for letting us know you found her, Britt.”

Brittany gives her an apologetic look, “Sorry. We started talking.”

Quinn looks between the two and it’s like she’s seeing something there that doesn’t need to be said. She smiles and relaxes upon what she finds.

“Well, you guys coming in or what?” She asks.

“The beer pong table is calling you, Cap,” Mike adds while Quinn rolls her eyes.

“Sam’s apparently started taking bets for this rematch between you and I,” Quinn explains and looks to Santana, “Your girl here thinks she’s the reigning Champ, Lopez, but as I recall she was dethroned last time by me.”

Santana laughs at that and looks to Brittany, “Oh really now?”

Brittany recalls how distracted she was last time – mostly Santana’s fault – and shakes her head, “The last game was a stroke of luck on your part, Fabray. It won’t be happening again.”

Quinn grins at that, “Well let’s see it then.”

Santana looks back at Brittany and whispers to her, “Is it bad that I’m weirdly turned on right now?”

Brittany’s eyes go wide at that, “Okay that isn’t going to help me stay focused, babe.”

“Did you guys find them?” Sam can be heard asking before he appears in the doorway, “Britt! You’ve got to play, the pot is huge!”

“Yo, what the hell’s going on out there?” Puck is heard next, “Why’s everyone crowding the door?”

Everyone starts to talk amongst themselves and the sound of the music is much louder now that the barrier is gone. Brittany only looks to Santana and smiles.

“I guess it’s time to join the party, huh?” Santana asks.

Brittany shrugs, “Only if you’re ready?”

There’s a short pause as they stare at each other because Brittany’s words carry a heavier meaning than the others realize. That first step into Santana’s new chapter is here and Brittany just wants to be sure that Santana has had all the time she needs to reflect.

With the way Santana starts back at Brittany, a look of resolution on her face, Brittany thinks the answer is clear.

“I am,” Santana rises and extends a hand for Brittany to take. The smile on her face starts to grow, “Let’s go in together.”

“Okay,” Brittany beams as she takes Santana’s hand.

“Alright,” Santana clears her throat as she turns to their friends, “Move it, Fabray! Puck, get me and Brittz a drink! Mike, Sam get the table ready. We’ve got a bet to settle!”

As everyone scrambles, Brittany just grins and trails after her always in awe of how Santana can command a room.

\\

The moment is short lived though once they make their way through the kitchen where several Titans have gathered to top up their cups. As if they could sense their quarterback’s presence, they all stop and turn to her.

For a second, she feels Santana tense beside her. Brittany only holds her hand tighter.

“G.O.A.T, G.O.A.T, G.O.A.T!” They begin to cheer, their collective voices are so loud it feels like it shakes the walls. They barely even notice Brittany and Santana holding hands as they keep chanting happily.

Brittany laughs while trying to quiet them down, but no one seems to listen. She’s all for celebrating, but the attention makes her feel shy – especially now that the alcohol in her systems is long gone.

“Okay guys,” Brittany tries with a chuckle, “We get it. Thank you.”

The Titans settle and give their congratulations again with pats on the shoulder and fist bumps as they disperse from the kitchen. While Sam, Mike and Quinn make their way into the other room where the beer pong tables are set up, Puck heads to the island counter where the drinks are kept.

Brittany and Santana follow, but the blonde can feel Santana’s eyes on her, curious and impressed.

“Were they calling you a goat?” Santana asks around a laugh.

“It's a compliment,” Brittany explains as Puck comes around them to pour their drinks.

“Greatest of all time,” Puck says proudly, “That’s your girl, Lopez. She’s got big things coming up in her future. Another chance at being the hot shot on campus!”

“I mean, obviously,” She quips as Puck hands them their drinks, “She’s hot no matter the campus.”

“Yeah, but not just any campus…” Puck smirks.

Santana glances between them looking slightly confused, “What’s he talking about?”

It isn’t until then that Brittany realizes she’s been so caught up in finding Santana and their conversation on porch that she hasn’t told Santana about the OSU recruiter yet.

“So that recruiter Coach wanted me to meet after the game?” Brittany tells Santana, “He wants to schedule a meeting with me after Christmas break, maybe have me come up to tour the facilities.”

Santana’s eyes widen as she turns to her, “Really? Oh my God! B, that's huge!”

“I know,” Brittany replies, “He said he was impressed. Apparently, I’ve got one heck of an arm and that my accuracy is like crazy good. All things I already knew, but it was really cool to hear it from someone like him. Ohio State is one of the top schools in the football world so if he’s complimenting me then…it’s something to be proud of. Nothing’s set in stone yet, but it looks promising for me.”

“That’s amazing,” Santana replies as she glides her hand up Brittany’s arm lovingly, “He’d be crazy not to take you on. You’re like a football goddess.”

Brittany blushes, “I don’t know about all that...”

“It’s true, Pierce, and you know it!” Puck smirks, “Now can we see what that arm can do at pong? I’ve got big money on this game!”

Santana rolls her eyes at him, but instead of cursing him out she just looks to Brittany and holds her hand tighter.

“I’m proud of you, babe,” She says softly, “Really. If anyone deserves this, it’s you.”

Brittany can only smile fondly in response as they make their way to the other room.

\\

Just like their first showdown, the match between Brittany and Quinn is a nail biter.

The audience is even bigger than before, but Brittany isn’t phased too much by them – she’s more focused on impressing Santana with her mad skills. Unlike the last time, Santana lingers by her side whispering sweet words of encouragement mixed in with flirty compliments that makes Brittany’s face feel flush.

Thankfully she’s able to blame it on the alcohol and no one else seems to notice.

So far, she’s ahead of Quinn by three cups but Brittany knows she can’t get cocky just yet – even if Santana’s doing all the shit-talking for her.

“Where the hell were you aiming, Fabray?” Santana jokes as the ball bounces off the edge of the table and into the crowd of bystanders, “I thought you were good at this game? Britt’s working with a sore elbow, step your game up!”

“Will you pipe down over there?” Quinn grumbles before Brittany sinks another cup.

“Drink up,” Brittany smirks while Santana cheers.

Quinn just rolls her eyes as she goes for the cup, “I play better when I’m drunk anyway.”

“Excuses,” Santana laughs before leaning in to kiss Brittany’s cheek, “You’re doing great, B.”

“It’s all in the wrist,” Brittany giggles.

“Whatever it is, keep doing it,” Santana grins and fires down another insult in Quinn’s direction.

Brittany laughs at the way Santana’s being so carefree but she’s sure it’s also the alcohol taking effect. Either way, she curls her arm around Santana’s waist and gives her a kiss back loving how comfortable they are about doing this in public. As she takes a look around them, she notices no one stares – no one even looks their way.

Maybe Santana’s right about this being the beginning of something new? Maybe the hype of something they’ve all deemed so scandalous has died down? Maybe they can finally be like any other couple out there?

Brittany’s train of thought is broken by the sound of a pong ball plopping into one of her cups though. Quinn and Mike cheer from the other end while Santana waves them off.

“Whatever! You’re still losing,” Santana tells them but they don’t hear her – Mike and Quinn are too busy sharing a celebratory kiss.

“Quinn’s about to redeem herself, Britt!” Sam warns, “Watch out.”

Quinn just smirks as she takes a big gulp of her drink.

\\

Although Quinn’s able to tie the score, her redemption tour doesn’t end up working in her favor. With just one cup left on each side, it felt reminiscent of their last match. Only this time, Santana’s there to whisper into Brittany’s ear a very promising reward should she win this game.

That was all the incentive Brittany needed to set the record straight on who the real champ of beer pong was. On her next go, she sinks her ball into Quinn’s last cup with one swift motion.

“Yeah! Take that, Fabray!” Santana quips.

The room erupts in cheers along with Santana while Sam moves around to collect the winnings.

“Well earned, Cap,” He says as he hands over a wad of cash to Brittany.

Brittany chuckles as she takes the stack. She flips through it before handing him a twenty, “For your support.”

Sam bows his head before tucking the bill away in his pocket, “Thanks!”

As Brittany does the same, Santana comes up from behind and slides her arms around Brittany’s waist.

“What about me?” Santana husks against the back of her neck, “What do I get?”

The sound tugs at something deep within Brittany – something that makes her want take Santana to a dark empty room where they can be alone – but she just bites her lip as she turns in Santana’s arms. There’s this familiar glimmer in her pretty brown eyes that seem to darken as they lower to Brittany’s lips.

Santana’s not being subtle and Brittany revels in it.  

“Baby, you can have whatever you like,” Brittany flirts lowly.

Santana lets out a raspy chuckle, but soon they’re interrupted by Quinn and Mike joining them from their side of the table.

“Well played,” Quinn points out around a smirk, “Even with your elbow.”

Brittany chuckles as she wraps her arm around Santana’s shoulders, “Had my good luck charm with me this time.”

Santana snorts at Brittany’s corniness as she pinches lightly at her side. They all fall into casual conversation as they watch the next round of beer pong, sipping their drinks and laughing along with whatever impression Sam tries.

“So what's the plan now that the season's over?” Mike asks before taking a sip of his beer.

“Yeah,” Sam chimes in, “There's still that spot on my team for synchronized swimming?”

Brittany shakes her head, “I think I'll pass.”

“I'm sure Coach Sylvester wouldn't say no to you joining the squad?” Quinn offers.

Santana scoffs, “Sure she would. She's not going to extend the offer twice. Think about her pride.”

“True,” Quinn nods.

“Sorry babe,” Santana nudges Brittany as she begins to smirk, “You'll have to do a little begging if you really want it.”

Quinn practically facepalms at Santana’s lack of subtilty while the guys playfully catcall the couple. Santana’s looks quite pleased with herself for that innuendo too and it makes Brittany laugh, trying to mask being so flustered by the comment.

“Oh, I'm sure I could get myself on the team,” Brittany says, “I can be pretty convincing.”

“Ooooh,” Mike and Sam tease in unison.

Santana rolls her eyes at their commentary, “Shut up.”

Brittany chuckles, “But on a serious note, I don't think I'll try joining the Cheerios either.”

“What then?” Quinn wonders.

“Going to whip the Puck Heads into shape next?” Mike jokes.

“They need it!” Sam laughs, “Wait can you play hockey too?”

Brittany shakes her head, “I’m not very good.”

“So there is something you can't do?” Santana teases quietly.

Brittany bumps her girlfriend with her hip before replying, “I think I’ll keep up my training instead and just focus on my studies for the most part. You know, spend more time with my family and my girl.”

“My girl,” Mike parrots to Sam before they start giggling like a couple of school girls.

“Q, do something about him,” Santana groans.

Quinn smirks, “No way. You too are cute. Mike and I might actually have some real competition when Prom season comes around.”

“Please,” Santana holds up her hand, “Brittz and I totally have that in the bag.”

Brittany nods, “It's true. We're awesome.”

“That’s right,” Santana lifts her chin proudly.

“We’ll see,” Quinn waves off although there’s a proud smile on her face, “If you change your mind about the Cheerios, Britt, let me know.”

“Sure,” Brittany nods, “I think I’ll be set on just training though.”

“Especially if you’re headed to OSU,” Sam cheers before he and Mike high five.

Brittany smiles at their enthusiasm but then she catches a glimpse of Santana’s look of somberness. She’s not really sure how to interpret it, but the unsettled feeling in the pit of her stomach makes her want to explain further.

“It’s not a done deal yet,” Brittany clarifies, “I still want to weight up all my options when they come.”

She makes a point to glance in Santana’s direction as she speaks, wanting to give her this reassurance that she hasn’t made a decision yet. Santana seems to catch on and smiles in return.

“That’ll take you forever,” Santana jokes, “There’s bound to be a lot of them.”

Brittany just smiles. She hopes Santana’s right, but even if she isn’t she’s happy with her current outlook.

\\

The rest of Brittany’s night is spent mostly on the dancefloor with her friends, a cold drink in her hand and her super hot girlfriend grinding against her. It’s the most fun she has had in awhile and it feels even more relaxed than usual now that she has another Championship win beneath her belt.

Actually, there’s so much to celebrate tonight so it seems that everyone is in high spirits. Crowds of people that wouldn’t usually mingle are mingling, the drinks are flowing, the dancefloor is packed – even if Finn looks like he’s sleepwalking and Sugar’s taken over the DJ booth again.

There’s this satisfying buzz in the air, this comforting feeling that everything will somehow be alright from now on. When Brittany looks to her side, she finds Santana watching her with this knowing grin.

“What?” Brittany starts to smile too.

Santana only shrugs, “You wanna go outside with me? I need some air.”

“Sure,” Brittany says and as she starts to lead the way to the back door she’s hit with a strange sense of déjà vu. She wonders what it could be as she swipes a water bottle from the cooler and slides open the back door.

They continue to out onto the back porch and head to the pool chairs across the way. There’s a few others standing around the fire pit but they’re too far away for them to notice Santana and Brittany taking a seat. The two cuddle up together for warmth, but the fresh air feels nice on their flushed faces.

“You having a good time?” Brittany wonders as she twists off the cap of the water bottle and hands it to Santana first.

“With you? Always,” Santana winks before taking a sip. Once she finishes she passes it back to Brittany, “You?”

“Duh.”

There’s a comfortable pause where they just stare in the direction of the house, watching the shadows of partygoers cross the windows. While they pass the water bottle they share back and forth, something still feels oddly reminiscent but Brittany can’t quite put her finger on it. She has a pretty strong buzz going on so it’s no wonder she can’t think straight, but it still makes her ponder.

“So Ohio State, huh?” Santana says after a moment and it sounds like there’s a hint of nervousness in her voice. Maybe it’s only the cold though as she adds, “Keeping it close to home?”

''I don't want to get my hopes up just yet, but it would be pretty cool,” Brittany explains.

“They'd be crazy not to have you.”

“So you’ve said,” Brittany smirks.

Santana laughs but becomes a little shy as she averts her eyes to the bottle in her hands. She doesn’t say anything for a moment as she picks at the label. When she does, it makes Brittany’s heart race.

“Maybe I'll see you there?”

Brittany thinks her ears have deceived her once again. She blinks and asks, “Wait, where? OSU?”

“Yeah,” Santana says hesitantly.

Brittany can’t help but smile in disbelief, “You applied?”

“Yeah. I mean, I’ve applied to a lot of places,” Santana responds. There’s still a little hesitance but it slowly fades as she takes in Brittany’s initial reaction, “But Ohio State is at the top of my list if it’s at the top of yours.”

Brittany’s speechless.

This is the first time she’s hearing Santana suggesting the idea of them potentially going to college together. She thought it might’ve been a pipe dream, a silly wish that would never be fulfilled, but hearing Santana’s offer makes her feel like she’s on top of the world.  

“It has a pretty good Sports Medicine program,” Santana continues upon Brittany’s silence, “And I kind of also like the idea that I wouldn't be too far from you if that’s where you decide to go. I know you’ll be super busy with practice and training. I’ll probably be super busy too but – all the more reason to stay close by?”

There’s a momentary lapse of judgment on Santana’s end though because Brittany still hasn’t said anything so she quickly begins to ramble on.

“Unless you don’t want to do that. That’s cool too because maybe it’s weird to think that far ahead. Is it weird?” Santana questions, “A lot can change in the next six months. Like what if we break up or end up hating each other?”

Brittany softens, “I could never hate you. That’s silly.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Santana shakes away the idea, “I know we've only been dating for a little while and we’ve never really talked about what we want to do in the future – like after we graduate – but I don’t know. Staying close to you felt right so I just…I wanted to put it out there.”

Brittany finally finds her voice and replies, “That sounds like an awesome idea.”

Santana looks hopeful, “Really?”

“As long as this is what you want to do too,” Brittany clarifies, “I don't want to be the one to keep you here just because we're together. I want you to follow your dreams too, even if that means being apart for a little bit. It might be hard, but we could find a way. I just – I want to make sure that you’re not doing this because of me.”

“It's what I want,” Santana says confidently, “I'm sure of it. I’m only doing things for me now. I’ve actually been thinking about it for awhile now, I was just a little nervous about saying something out loud too soon. I didn’t want to scare you off.”

“I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about it a few times too,” Brittany chuckles as she drapes her arm around Santana, “You and I in college together sounds so cool.”

“It does, doesn’t it?” Santana smirks.

Brittany nods, “So Sports Medicine, huh? You really want to be a doctor after all.”

Santana blushes, “You know, I could never see myself being the kind of doctor my dad is because it's super boring and I couldn't justify going through all that schooling to be bored for the rest of my life. No offense to him, but no way.”

Brittany giggles at Santana’s reasoning and the way she crinkles her nose cutely.

“I figure it’s time to have something of my own. I can continue the Lopez legacy in a roundabout way, I’m just adding my own touch.”

“Makes sense,” Brittany shrugs.

“So, I’ve done my research though and I think Sports Medicine might just be my thing,” Santana adds, “I'm apart of the action without actually being in it. It’s exciting and just my speed and who knows, maybe I’ll come across people like you?”

“Like me?”

“Yeah,” Santana shrugs, “You know – people who strive to make a difference in a sport that they love. People who do the work to leave a positive impression behind. People who can influence entire teams for the better – like you.”

Brittany’s a little in awe of Santana, “You really think that about me?”

“Of course I do,” Santana replies easily, “You’re smart, you’re talented, and you’re a good person. You know how hard it is to be all three? You do it with such ease. You've inspired me, Britt, and I’m sure I’m not the only one out there. I’m just the lucky one that gets to date you too.”

Brittany chuckles at that as she starts to blush. Santana grins and leans in a little closer.

“In a way, you’ve made me remember why I ever wanted to be a doctor in the first place.”

“Really?”

Santana hums, “You’ve taught me so much without realizing it. You’ve taught me how to go after the things that I want, no matter what the obstacles may be, because what awaits at the end is so worth it. I know it’s true because here I am sitting with you.”

Brittany’s so taken aback by Santana’s words that she can only say three in response. It’s the only three words that have been repeating over and over again in her head since they were back on the field together. At first it was a quiet whisper, but after everything Santana just said – Brittany can’t hold back any longer.

“I love you.”

She says it simply around a look of pure adoration because that’s exactly what she feels at this very moment for Santana – complete adoration.

Santana sputters out a disbelieving laugh, “You do?”

“Don’t sound so shocked,” Brittany giggles, “I meant to tell you earlier at the game but I guess I was just stunned more than anything. I didn’t expect you to be the one to say it first.”

“You and me both.”

“Yeah,” Brittany says shyly, “Actually, I've been meaning to tell you for awhile now. There's been so many times that I felt like I was just going to blurt it out, but I didn't know if you'd feel the same way and l was nervous that – I don’t know. I was nervous that maybe I was moving too fast. I didn’t want to scare you off either.”

Santana smiles at that and it eases Brittany’s nerves a little as they settle into another comfortable silence.

After all the loss she has endured this year and all the obstacles she has faced since moving to Lima, she’s never felt so wholly content than she does at this very moment. There’s been times when everything has felt too serious, too hopeless even, so to be where she is now is something really special.

Brittany always felt like she was a great playmaker, not just on the field, but in life too. She always felt like she could make the best out of any situation, but this year really tested her. The hurt she felt after losing her dad was something she didn’t think she’d ever recover from and she didn’t think it was possible to pull herself out of that dark place she’d sometimes find herself in.

But here, in Lima of all places, it was like the sun began to shine on her once again.

She met Santana and found herself on a brand new football team and everything else started to fall into place – she began to thrive once more. That unbearable pain from before still lingers but it’s only a dull ache now compared to what it once was. When she thinks about how much she has grown in such a short amount of time, she’s reminded of where it all started – and that’s when it hits her.

That feeling of déjà vu that has resided in the back of her mind starts to make sense!

As Brittany glances over to the clear glass of the sliding door they exited from earlier, she remembers what it was like being on the other side of it months ago. She remembers the similar thrum of dance music, the faceless bodies swaying about to the beat, the cold beer in her hand. She was starting to get used to the idea of spending her senior year in Lima.

She remembers thinking that maybe this place won’t be so bad after all, maybe it won’t be so lonely? She was already off to a great start by finding herself a place with the Titans and there was also her budding friendship with Mike and Sam. She even had a place to sit at lunch so she didn’t have to do the new kid walk of shame into the cafeteria.

Brittany felt hopeful and then she remembers seeing her for the first time.

Santana, in her tight skirt and low-cut top. Santana, with her hair and make up perfectly styled. Santana, looking like she belonged on a cover of a magazine with how gorgeous she was just sitting poolside.

At the memory, Brittany glances from the door to her side where Santana watches quietly. She finds herself smiling at how it’s nearly the exact same spot as the first time she ever saw her.

“What?” Santana wonders, “What are you smiling about?”

“I was just thinking,” Brittany answers, “This spot is pretty special.”

Santana quirks a brow as she looks around, “Is it?”

“Totally,” Brittany replies before pointing over to the edge of the pool, “The first time I ever saw you, you were sitting right over there.”

Santana chuckles, “Was I?”

“Yup!” Brittany grins, “You were sitting by the pool with Quinn and I remember thinking how I’ve never seen a girl looking so sad at a party before.”

“Oh,” Santana blushes, “I used to hate coming to these things. You know, I nearly didn’t go to that one?”

“Really?”

“I just didn’t have the energy for it,” Santana shrugs, “But I showed up because I thought I had to – for appearances sake. Also because Quinn wanted to see Mike and she didn’t want to go alone.”

Brittany chuckles, “Well I’m glad you came anyway. Could you imagine what it would’ve been like if you hadn’t?”

“For one, I wouldn’t have embarrassed myself by being the sad girl…”

Brittany gives her a amused look, “I also remember thinking that I’ve never seen someone so beautiful.”

Santana smirks, “Oh really?”

“Mhmm,” Brittany starts to smirk too, “This spot is even more special now because this is where you kissed me for the first time.”

Santana softens, “It is, isn’t it?”

They keep trading these smitten grins as they sink into each other’s sides. It feels like it has been the longest day ever, but she’s so happy that she’s ending it like this – with Santana by her side in there little bubble of happiness and…so in love.

So in love, that gets Brittany thinking.

She contemplates if she really wants to be this truthful but she figures the alcohol is making her speak more freely than usual, so why not? Honesty has always been the best policy anyway, so Petey says.

“You want to hear something funny?” Brittany quietly asks a moment later.

“What?”

She inhales a shaky breath before saying, “I've never said that to anyone – I love you. I mean, I've had love for people and I've said I love you to people in like a friendly way and I of course tell my mom and Pete that I love them too but I've never meant it like this before.”

Santana stares back with this adorably confused look on her face and it makes Brittany blush. It all makes sense in her head, but she isn’t sure if it’s translating the right way out loud.

“I've never meant it like,” Brittany pauses for a moment before she smiles, “Like I’m in love with you.”

Santana turns to her with this awed expression on her face. It’s like she can’t believe what she’s hearing or that Brittany’s speaking in gibberish. Dark brown eyes shift back and forth as if she’s waiting for a punchline that isn’t going to come. When Brittany only continues to stare back – sure and unwavering – Santana lets out a shy giggle.

“You're in love with me?” She asks breathlessly.

Brittany nods, “I am.”

“Wow,” Santana blushes. Her lips part and press after that but the words don’t form. It isn’t until Santana let’s out another shy giggle before staring back at Brittany and softening, “Well, don't I feel special.”

“So you should,” Brittany laughs at the way Santana’s trying so hard to be cool about it although she can tell that Santana’s anything but cool on the inside.

Santana gives her one last look of disbelief before leaning in like she’s about to tell her a deep dark secret, “You know what?”

“What?”

Santana bites her lip before saying, “I've never told anyone that I love them before. You’re the first.”

“Really?” Brittany feels like she’s floating again, “Now I feel special too.”

“So you should,” Santana teases.

Brittany giggles at her response before settling into her side.

What a whirlwind of a year it has been! Never would she have thought that this is how she’d be ending it, with an amazing girlfriend by her side and another championship title in her possession. It makes her wonder what the rest of the school year has in store for her, it makes her wonder what obstacles she’s bound to face.

She knows they’re inevitable, because nothing comes easy. If anything, this past year has taught her that much. But this time she has something she didn’t have before – she has someone she loves and who loves her back.

She has Santana.

With her, Brittany thinks anything is possible.

[yenforfairytales]

Consider - Sam Smith’s song “Diamonds” for Silverusso

Consider me OBSESSED. I hadn't heard this song before, but it's perfect!! Thank you! Silverusso Anthem until further notice lol. Here's a YouTube link!

(x)

I got carried away again...

Have it all

Rip our memories off the wall

All the special things I bought

They mean nothing to me any more

Is that not Terry Silver? He was clearly bored with his rich, executive life in KK3. But he came alive when he started scheming and met Daniel.

(x)

I mean, he started off with his target being Mr. Miyagi but quickly became hyper fixated on Daniel. There was a shift of focus.

I have a feeling that when we see Terry again(hopefully in s4), he'll once again only feel truly alive in his interactions/manipulation with Daniel, after decades of just bland existing. In a parallel to Kreese, who credits Johnny with bringing him back to life.

And with this part:

But to you

They were everything we were

They meant more than every word

Now I know just what you love me for

We could apply this to the fake persona Terry bought to befriend Daniel, how he found Daniel's weakness that way. But the shipper in me, likes to pretend that Terry and Daniel had more interactions after the '85 All Valley. That maybe Terry tried to be involved in Daniel's life somehow, either by trying to make amends or by messing with Daniel further, and Daniel shut that shit down and Terry realized he couldn't get any form of relationship back. Cue Terry ruining Miyagi's Little Trees and Daniel getting a restraining order! Any headcanon or theory fits lol.

I am crossing my fingers that Season 4 provides more insight or flashbacks 👀

It's hard to believe Terry just walked away like nothing after Daniel beat Mike. Like he literally walks offscreen with a shocked expression on his face at the end of the movie. But what about after??

We deserve to know lmao

Anyway

The first verse is Totally Terry.

And the second verse is 100% Daniel:

Shake it off

Shake the fear of feeling lost

Always me that pays the cost

I should never trust so easily

You lied to me

Then left with my heart 'round your chest

Like??? Are you kidding me! Basically, despite Terry completely using Daniel and betraying his trust, a bond was formed. And Terry took a piece of Daniel with him. It haunts Daniel that he cared about someone that never really existed. He has trusts issues to this day, and like he tells his daughter, he lives with the fear every day.

Daniel feels like it was all his fault though. That he brought it on himself. I think when he meets Terry again, they're going to fall into their old habits. Whether Daniel realizes it or not. Terry's going to exploit that deep down Daniel does care about him. Because Daniel will still be a tangle inside of guilt, admiration, and anger.

Although, it would be fun to see Daniel doing a little exploiting of his own. Because I think deep down Terry cares about Daniel as well. I could be reaching, but they're both schemers now and it would be fun to see them play a little cat and mouse. 😘

(x)

The bridge is both of their POV:

Take all the money you want from me

Hope you become what you want to be

Show me how little you care

How little you care, how little you care

You dream of glitter and gold

My heart's already been sold

Show you how little I care

How little I care, how little I care

Possibly both of them pretending not to care. This fits better with their s4 versions. While they try to hurt and outdo the other. These two characters are actually so similar, but that's another discussion.

I still think it'd be fun to see a flashback of Terry offering to pay Daniel's way through college, or the dealership, and an argument breaking out and it ending badly. Johnny has had several flashbacks of his younger self, whether with Sid or Kreese, and if this show continues to follow its theme of balance then we are due some flashbacks with a younger Daniel. 👀

It seems like Seasons 1-3 are Johnny's trauma and possibly Seasons 4-6 will be Daniel's...

And if anyone's wondering why I think Daniel got a restraining order against Silver, it's because Daniel has never seemed afraid that Terry would pop up somewhere. Even after he saw that Kreese was back in Season 2. Like when he went to the Cobra Kai dojo at night and had that little standoff with Kreese, it didn't look like Daniel thought it was a possibility that Terry was in the building or about to pop out and scare him.

Again, I'm probably reaching lol, the answer is probably much more simple in regards to the show and its writers. And anyway, even if there was a restraining order, I'm sure Terry had that removed with his connections almost immediately. And even if he left Daniel alone that doesn't mean he hasn't been keeping tabs on him🤣🤣

(x)

I digress!!! The chorus is bittersweet:

My diamonds leave with you

You're never gonna hear my heart break

Never gonna move in dark ways

Baby, you're so cruel

My diamonds leave with you

Material love won't fool me

When you're not here I can breathe

Think I always knew

My diamonds leave with you

To me it's like, "diamonds" being the superficial go ahead and leave I don't need you, but also "diamonds" being the take my heart with you and all that implies when it's toxic.

I can definitely see this song being used for gifsets and music videos. Especially after we get some prime silverusso scenes once s4 comes out 👀🙏

It really represents both eras. And I can't wait to see how much these characters and their dynamic have changed or stayed the same when they're in the same room again.

Thank you so much! I'm deep in those feelings now

[caitlesshea]

build your heart a home

For the Roswell, New Mexico Big Bang @rnmbb

Tripp gives Arturo more than money that fateful day in 1987 and it changes everything. It’s the start of a new life; with three pods, three aliens, and three children. 

Or

What would’ve happened if Arturo adopted Michael.

TW: Mentions of Jesse Manes & Caulfield. 

Thank you @manesguerin for the most amazing gifset, check it out here!

1987 

Arturo Ortecho pockets the cash that Tripp Manes hands to him and is about to bring some dirty dishes back into the kitchen when a hand falls on his arm.

“Sir?” Arturo asks Tripp as he waits for the older man to speak. 

“Is there somewhere we can talk Arturo?” Tripp glances back at the table he was sitting at with Jesse Manes and Arturo nods his head. 

Tripp follows him through the kitchen and outside to the back of the diner. Arturo paces on the pavement as he waits for Tripp to speak. 

After a moment Arturo gets impatient. “Here, sir.” Arturo tries to hand the money back to Tripp but he just shakes his head.

“No, son. That’s for you.”

“Then why?”

“I need to tell you something. Something you’re not going to understand but I need you to believe me.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Whatever it is sir, I’ll listen.”

~~~ 

“Woah.” Arturo looks at the three pods with small children floating in them and then back to Tripp. “You weren’t lying.”

“I wish I was,” Tripp says quietly as he goes up to the pod with a young curly haired boy in it. Tripp places his hand on the pod and then grabs the necklaces he’s wearing and takes them off.

“What?”

“The crash in 1947 was real.”

“So they’re?”

“Aliens. Yes.”

“I don’t understand.”

“A woman I was...she was his mother.” 

Arturo watches as he rubs the pod softly, almost like he’s petting it.

“This necklace was hers from before the crash. These are my dog tags.”

“Sir, I can’t take - ”

“You must. You’ll know who to give them to one day.”

“Why not tell Jesse, or someone else?”

“It has to be you. I can’t explain it, but Arturo, promise me. Promise me you won’t let anything happen to them?”

“Sir.”

“Promise me.”

“I promise.” 

1997 

“Why’s it have to be so cold at night?” Walt complains and Arturo shushes him. 

“Stop complaining.”

Arturo gets a gruff sigh in response and Arturo shakes his head. 

“He could’ve given you a time,” Walt mumbles and Arturo walks further into the cave. 

It’s been a while since he’s seen the trio, he and Walt take turns to visit them to avoid suspicion. It’s just after midnight on June 14th, the date seared into his memory from Tripp’s talk ten years ago. 

“Woah,” Walt says as they come up to the pods and Arturo has to agree. Normally the trio is floating peacefully in their suspension, unmoving on their own, but now they’re moving and stretching against the pods like they’re trying to escape. 

“No.” Arturo stops Walt as he tries to help them. “Tripp was adamant they’ll come out of them on their own.”

“Fine.” 

Arturo watches in fascination as the trio breaks free from their pods, all wobbly on their legs like a baby colt.

“It’s okay,” Arturo speaks softly and holds up the blankets. 

The three of them eye him wearily but the young girl walks forward and takes the blanket. The other two seem to sense it’s okay and allow him and Walt to wrap them up in blankets long enough for Arturo to get them into the car and into pajamas.

“Did he say they wouldn’t speak?” Walt asks Arturo as they drive back to the diner.

“All he said was that they might not, and that they wouldn’t have any memories without someone from their planet there to help them out of stasis.”

Arturo looks in the rear view mirror at the three of them huddled together. 

“Great.”

~~~

“Arturo, you can’t take in all three of them.” Arturo looks over at Mimi, who had agreed to watch Rosa and Liz tonight since Helena had taken off a week ago.

“I have to do something.” 

Arturo looks over at his daughters Liz and Rosa, Mimi’s daughter Maria, and their friend Alex, who joined the sleepover and how they’re making the three alien kids more comfortable. 

“At least the curly haired one,” Walt says gruffly around a bite of his hamburger.

“Well it certainly can’t be the other two.” Arturo turns toward Mimi and raises an eyebrow.

“Look.” Mimi points to the way the kids have each grabbed the hands of one alien. Rosa comforting the young girl, Liz comforting one of the boys, and Alex comforting the other boy, the one with the curly hair.

“You don’t think?”

“He said it was possible.” 

“I’m going to call Michelle.” 

~~~

“You can’t be serious?” 

Arturo looks sharply at Michelle and suppresses the urge to roll his eyes. 

“We can’t just put them in the Group Home.” 

“You can’t take all three. What about Helena?”

This time Arturo does scoff. “She won’t be an issue.” 

Michelle looks at him then and he swears she knows the truth about Helena and her husband Jim, but he doesn’t dwell on it now.

“I can take the boy.” 

“The one with the curly hair,” Walt pipes up from his seat and Arturo nods. 

“I can’t take the other two,” Mimi says even as she eyes the young girl, something familiar in her gaze. 

“We can’t split them up. Look at them.” Arturo gestures to where the other two are huddled together even as his girls sit next to them. 

“The Evans’ are looking to adopt…” Michelle trails off and Arturo looks at her sharply.

“You think they’d take them both?”

“It’s worth a shot.”

“We’d have to tell them.” Mimi says from her seat.

“We can’t just…”

“We’d have to tell them Michelle. It’s the only way to ensure the kids' safety.”

“Jim can’t know.” Mimi reminds everyone and they all nod solemnly. “If Jesse…”

“Jesse will never know.” Arturo says with a conviction he doesn’t feel about Alex’s father, Tripp’s nephew.

“But Alex…” Walt nods his head to wear Alex is curled up with the curly haired alien and Arturo shakes his head.

“We cross that bridge when we come to it.” 

“They need names.” 

“Michael.” Mimi points to the curly haired boy. “Isobel, Max.”

“That just came to you?” Michelle eyes Mimi skeptically. 

Mimi shrugs unapologetically.

~~~

“So, not only are you telling me aliens are real, and the crash in forty seven was real, but these three just hatched out of eggs tonight and you want us to adopt two of them?” Ann Evans asks as she stares at all of them incredulously.

“Well when you put it that way…” Walt mutters and Ann turns her gaze to him sharply. 

Arturo sighs, well aware of how Ann feels about Walt, and himself if he’s being honest, but right now his biggest concern is the trio.  

“Pods.” Arturo pinches the bridge of his nose. “They’re called pods.”

“Whatever.” Ann looks over at Max and Isobel and smiles slightly.

“They are cute.” Phil Evans, who has been quiet since they arrived, mutters as he stares at the kids.

“Okay.” 

Arturo looks up at Ann and Phil, not quite sure he understood her and she sighs. 

“We’ll take them.”

“You understand…” Michelle trails off.

“Yes. Don’t tell Jim, don’t tell Jesse. Call the second they start showing any powers. They’ll learn English if we keep communicating with them and they like music.” Ann lists all of the things they’ve mentioned since they’ve arrived.

“Look. We aren’t taking them away. They’ll always live here, near the boy. If you’re saying they’d be in danger if they went elsewhere then I believe you.” 

Arturo nods, not entirely satisfied but willing to accept the circumstances.

“It’s fine by me. I have a friend who can do the paperwork quietly.” Michelle reluctantly agrees and Arturo looks at Walt and Mimi.

“What? I just wanted the boy safe.”

“He will be,” Arturo says with a conviction he doesn’t necessarily agree with.

“Mimi?” 

“I see no other way.” 

“Then it’s settled.”

2004 

“Papi!” 

Arturo hears Michael shout from upstairs and he runs up, out of breath as he stares at Michael wide-eyed.

“Mijo? Are you okay?”

“They’re floating.” Michael exclaims excitedly and Arturo sees some of Michael’s figurines floating in the air. 

Arturo watches as Michael uses his hand to manipulate the toys until suddenly he falls down and grabs his stomach. 

“Mijo.” 

“I’m gonna be sick,” Michael says just as Arturo grabs his trash can, thankful it’s close by, as Michael empties his stomach. 

“Okay. I think we need to call Mimi.”

~~~

“The acetone will help,” Mimi says as Michael sips it slowly. 

“It’s poison.” Arturo tries to take it away but Mimi is quicker.

“Not for them.” Arturo watches as Michael drinks it straight from the bottle and smiles. 

“It’s a pain reliever.” 

“Okay. So I just keep it handy in case things start floating?!” 

“Papi,” Michael says quietly as he moves closer in his chair. “I can practice at home, when no one else is around, so I’m able to control it.”

“That’s probably for the best. I don’t have enough of the pollen, and if it’s controlled he should be okay.”

“Should be?”

“What pollen?”

Mimi turns sharply to look at him and Arturo shrinks under her gaze. 

“You never told him?”

“Don’t look at me like that! The Evans’ haven’t said anything either.”

“Well, we better call them.”

~~~

“We can’t just take away their powers.” Arturo looks over to where the kids are all watching tv and sighs. 

“Look, Isobel’s starting to get visions, things she can manipulate.” Ann looks pointedly at Mimi as Mimi smirks. 

“Well, she’s my Aunt, so…”

“I thought we said we weren’t going to tell them,” Ann hisses at Mimi and Mimi shrugs. 

“We aren’t. Not until they’re older.” Arturo tries to placate them while Mimi and Ann glare at each other. 

“Max is showing signs of electro manipulation.” 

“Tripp did say someone could shoot fire out of their hands.” Arturo reminds them all quietly. 

“Great.” Ann rubs her forehead. “Well, right now he’s just shorting out our light bulbs.” 

“If we give them a safe space to practice then maybe they won’t accidentally use them around others and at school?” Arturo suggests and both Mimi and Ann nod.

“As long as they never get caught it’s fine by me.”

“We’ll just need to explain some ground rules.” 

Arturo doesn’t want to set the ground rules. He doesn’t want to hinder what is a natural part of them, but he knows deep down that it’s for their safety. He could never live with himself if he allowed something to happen to the three of them for his own carelessness in keeping them safe. 

“They won’t like it.” Mimi warns.

“It’s for their safety. I’ll help them understand.”

~~~ 

“Papi?”

“Yes, Mijo?” Arturo finishes tucking Michael in and sits down on the edge of his bed. 

“Am I in trouble?”

“No. Of course not. You just need to be careful about when and how you use your powers, okay?”

“Okay.” 

Arturo sees Michael bite his lips and he soothes it with his hand. “Just practice here at home with your sisters and with Max and Isobel and you’ll be okay.”

“And Alex?”

Arturo smiles at the mention of Michael’s other half even if neither boy has realized it yet. They’re always together, Alex spending the night more often than not any chance Arturo can get to pry Alex out of his terrible home.

“Yes, Mijo. With Alex, too.” 

Michael smiles so bright, his love for Alex clearly shining through, even at fourteen. 

It makes Arturo’s heart swell when he thinks of all of his kids and how they have their own alien and how lucky they all are. 

2008 

“It’s not fair and you know it!” 

Arturo pauses making dinner for a moment as he hears Liz yelling at Michael, presumably. Rosa is downstairs in the diner and he knows Alex and Michael are in Michael’s room, with the door open now. 

That was a fun development. Arturo had known they had made changes to their relationship, but it’s one thing to know, and another to see. 

“It’s not my fault I’m smarter than you, Lizzie.”

Arturo groans. Whoever told him raising three teenagers at the same time would be a good idea is a fool.

“Mikey!”

At the sound of nicknames that neither of his kids like he walks calmly into Michael’s room and sees Michael laying back against his bed with a guitar in his hand and Alex next to him writing in a notebook while Liz stands at the foot of the bed not so silently fuming. 

“Mijos? What is the meaning of this?”

“He didn’t study at all for our chemistry test and he still did better than me!” Liz screeches at a volume that is honestly impressive and Arturo rolls his eyes discreetly but not before Alex notices and smiles. 

“Mija, did he cheat on the test?”

“What? No.”

“Then you can’t be upset with him.”

“But, no!” Liz sulks while Michael laughs and Arturo turns a sharp glare onto him and he rightly sits back quietly.

“Mija, why don’t you go down and get your sister and Michael and Alex can set the table for dinner and maybe you can study together for the next test?”

“Ugh, fine!”

Liz stomps out of the room and Michael and Alex follow him to the kitchen. He notices that Alex’s eye has some form of makeup on it, probably covering a bruise. 

Jesse Manes, that son of a bitch. 

More than once he’s wanted to beg Michelle and Jim to take Alex away, and let him come stay with him. He doesn’t know how he’d manage, but he would, if he never has to see this wonderful boy with bruises on his skin.

“Mijo. Take these.” Arturo hands Alex some frozen peas and for a moment he freezes but then looks grateful. Even though Arturo has been helping him for years and he knows Rosa and Liz have both helped with the makeup it breaks his heart that Alex still feels like he can’t accept the help. 

“Thank you.”

“Help Michael set the table.” Arturo goes back to finish dinner but not before he notices Michael gingerly placing the peas against Alex’s eye as he leans in to kiss him. 

Arturo turns away to give them some privacy and just as he finishes pulling dinner out of the oven he hears Liz’s shout.

“Are you kidding me?! Papi!” 

“What, Mija?”

Arturo turns around and he can’t help it, he laughs at Michael using his powers to set the table while he kisses Alex. 

Teenagers. 

~~~

“I’m not ready for this,” Arturo mumbles as he watches Liz and Michael pack up the rest of their rooms so that they can move off to college. Michael is going to the University of New Mexico and Liz to UCLA. Rosa got into an art program and is still living at home, so at least it’s not all of his kids, but it still hurts.

“I’m not going far, Papi.” Michael soothes as he comes to stand next to him. Michael’s been vibrating with excitement since he got a full ride to UNM and has been floating on cloud nine since Alex announced he was also going to UNM, to absolutely no one's surprise. 

“I know.” Arturo waits for Alex to finish packing up the last box and he gestures them both into the living room. “I have something to give you both.”

“What is it?”

“Just sit, I’ll be right back.” Arturo walks into his room and grabs the box that holds the journal Tripp wrote for whichever Manes man fell in love with an alien after he did.

“Papi?” Michael asks curiously as he eyes the box Arturo is holding. Arturo takes a deep breath and hands Michael the box as he watches them open it.

“A journal?” Alex asks as he opens it and turns it over in his hands. 

“It was given to me by your great uncle, Tripp.” Arturo points to the journal as Alex and Michael both gasp. 

They pull a photograph out of the journal of a young Tripp Manes with Nora Truman and Louise Truman.

“The man is Tripp Manes, the two women with him are Nora and Louise Truman.”

“Are they?” Michael’s voice breaks and Arturo nods.

“Nora is your mother. Louise is Isobel’s. I’m sure Mimi is telling Isobel everything that happened with their own family history, just as I’ve been charged with telling you yours.”

“Their own?”

“Mimi’s mother is Isobel’s half sister. Tripp was able to bring Louise to the reservation where your mom is from, Alex.” 

“My family?”

“It’s how Jesse met your mother. Tripp tried to save Nora.” Michael’s breath catches but Arturo continues. “He wasn’t able to, and I’m sorry to say that she ended up passing in ninety seven, just as Louise did when you all hatched from the pods.”

Arturo hates the broken look on his son's face. Like he betrayed him. He hates it. 

All of the conversations and arguments over the years with Mimi, Michelle, and Ann sit at the forefront of his mind and how he should’ve fought harder for Michael. 

That they should’ve told them the truth sooner, knowing his son would’ve wanted to know, even if it was hard. 

Arturo thinks back to seven year old Michael, who was scared and crying when Ann and Phil took Max and Isobel away. Who wouldn’t let Alex’s hand go and wouldn’t sleep unless Arturo stayed in the room with them. 

He thinks back to all the nightmares Michael has had, of a planet long forgotten but still coming back to him. He thinks of the language on the ship console piece Michael found when he was fourteen and how he’s been trying to decipher it ever since. 

He thinks about how Michael is looking at him like he doesn’t know him. Arturo knows he needs to give Michael space. Knows him well enough to know that Alex will be spending the night and the door will remain closed as Alex whispers sweet nothings into his hair. It’s the least Arturo can do. 

“You can’t...why didn’t...you didn’t tell me!” Michael stands and screams in frustration and Arturo’s heart breaks for him, for Isobel, for Max, for all of them.

“Mijo.” 

“No!” Michael falls into him and Arturo pulls him into a hug and let's Michael cry into his shoulder as Alex rubs his back.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I didn’t know how.”

“I want to see her, wherever they’re resting.”

Arturo doesn’t know where Nora’s final resting place is, somewhere in Caulfield, no doubt, which he’ll have to also explain to Michael someday. But he knows where Louise’s is, and he knows Nora has a place there as well. 

It was one thing Tripp had been sure to tell him, one thing he wanted to make sure Arturo had understood. Wherever Louise was, Nora wasn’t far, and wherever they both ended up they would want to be together. 

“Okay Mijo, we’ll go.” 

~~~

Arturo is glad they went out to the reservation. It gave Alex a chance to see his mom and it gave Michael, Isobel, and Max more insight to their families and histories. He knows it won’t settle Michael’s curiosity. He also knows that they all want to find out more about Max’s family, as well.

But for now, his son gets to be a college freshman sharing an off-campus apartment with his boyfriend. 

Arturo is not ready to say goodbye. 

“Papi, they’ll be fine,” Liz says as she settles into his side. They head to California next to drop her off and he’s barely holding it together. 

“I know, Mija.” 

“Papi!” Alex shouts from his and Michael’s bedroom and Liz laughs as he goes to investigate.

“What, Mijo?”

“Tell Michael that we do not need to keep the chemistry set in the bedroom!”

“Oh, nope, you’re on your own.” Arturo backs out as he hears Alex’s indignant squawk and Michael’s laughter.

Sometimes Arturo thinks he’s being a bad father by letting them live together, but then he thinks they’ll end up spending all of their time together anyways and he doesn’t want them to have to pay for two apartments for no reason.

And then Arturo thinks back to how Alex calms Michael, how his music soothes him and helps him concentrate. 

His entropy changes, as Michael likes to say. Arturo knows Alex is the budding songwriter but he thinks his son has a chance at being a pretty successful poet if he ever wanted to. 

Arturo smiles as he thinks back to finding them behind the Crashdown in the back of Michael’s truck one night after a particularly bad fight Alex had with Jesse and how Michael had his head in Alex’s lap with Alex carding his fingers through Michael’s curls, just singing softly to Michael so he was practically asleep. It was then that Arutro knew there was no going back for either of them. That what they had would withstand the test of time. After all, Michael woke up at the right time to meet Alex. Something like destiny Arturo likes to think. 

But, they are teenagers, and teenagers fight, so Arturo just smiles at them as he goes to help Liz unpack their kitchen. 

Living together should be interesting. 

2018 

“I’m so proud of you, Mjio.” 

Arturo looks around at the house Michael and Alex purchased after moving back home to Roswell after ten years away.

“Thanks, Papi.” Michael smiles as they sit down on the couch, which is next to all of Alex’s music equipment. 

Alex is a successful songwriter, his career taking them all over the world these last ten years and Michael’s an agricultural engineer, something he wanted to do to honor his mother after he found out she could grow crops. 

“I’m glad you’ve all decided to come home.” 

Michael laughs and Arturo pulls him into his side, just like he’s still a kid. He thinks about how lucky he is to have all three of his children home now, with Liz getting a position at the local hospital and Rosa owning the art gallery in town.

“I am, too.” Michael looks around their home and smiles. “I am, too.”  

“You did get quite a big house.” Arturo hears the teasing in his own voice and so does Michael because he laughs. It’s not that Michael and Alex haven’t talked about having kids. Michael’s been talking about starting a dad band with Alex since they were seventeen, so Arutro has no qualms bringing it up now.

“How about we start with a dog before we start deciding which room to use as a nursery.”

“You said it.” 

“I love you, Papi.”

“I love you, too, Mijo.”

~~~

Arturo comes out of the kitchen and sees Michael slurping on a milkshake in the middle of the day.

“Mijo. I didn’t know you were coming by!”

“Can’t a guy just drop by to see his dad?”

Arturo raises an eyebrow at Michael, well aware of his penchant for sarcasm and Michael laughs.

“Fine, you caught me. I came to talk to you about something.”

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, I just...” Michael gestures upstairs and Arturo nods his head.

Arturo sits on the couch, well aware that Michael will tell him when he’s ready and luckily he doesn’t have to wait long.

“I’m gonna ask Alex to marry me.” 

“Mijo.” Arturo blinks away tears as Michael sits down next to him and grabs his hands.

“Papi, please say it’s okay.”

“What? Of course it is.”

“Okay, it’s just. He doesn’t really have parents I can ask, and he calls you Papi, so…”

“Oh, Mijo, I love you both, you don’t need my permission, but you have it.”

“Thank you.” Michael breathes out and Arturo pats his hands before he gets up.

“Where are you going?”

“Just a second.”

Arturo comes back into the living room holding a ring, a necklace, and dog tags that he hands to Michael.

“The dog tags were Tripp Manes and the necklace was the one your mother was wearing when they crashed here.” Arturo watches as Michael runs his fingers over both items with tears in his eyes.

“Papi.” 

Arturo thinks back to the conversation he had with Tripp out by the pod cave and how he wanted to see Michael end up in a good home, with a good family. And how Tripp wanted Arturo to make sure that happened. Arturo likes to think he did a good job. 

“Tripp wanted you to have them. He said you would know who to give them to.” 

“Thank you.” Michael breathes out as he looks at Arturo. “And the ring?”

“It was the ring he was going to give your mother.”

Michael looks at him, fully crying now, well aware of the relationship that Tripp and Nora had. Arturo pulls him into a hug and runs his fingers through his curls.

“He’d want you to have it. He’d also want you to make it your own.”

Michael nods against his chest and Arturo knows with a little doctoring it will be the ring Michael uses to propose to Alex with.

Two sons and two daughters. Arturo is one lucky man.

2020 

“Nervous, Mijo?” Arturo jokes as he takes over tying Michael’s tie for him. Underneath Michael’s shirt is the necklace he gave him a couple of years ago. The one his mother Nora wore when they crash landed on Earth all those years ago. He knows Alex wears Tripp’s dog tags, as well.

“To marry Alex? No.” 

Arturo envies Michael sometimes. His quiet confidence and how loudly he loves Alex is something that most people can only dream of. They’ve been inseparable since they were seven and Arturo brought the trio to the Crashdown. 

Isobel and Rosa got married two years prior and Liz and Max got married four years ago. Arturo will be a grandfather before the year is over and his heart is overflowing with joy. 

“I’m so happy for you both.”

“Papi, don’t make me cry.”

“Sorry, sorry, not yet, you’re right.”

Michael laughs as he hugs Arturo tightly and Arturo has never been more glad that Tripp pulled him aside in the diner all those years ago.

“Come, Mijo, it’s time to get you hitched.”

“Ugh, Papi, you’ve been spending way too much time with Isobel lately.”

Arturo laughs and ushers Michael outside to where Alex will be waiting at the altar for him. 

Michael and Alex’s backyard has been transformed into something out of a magazine. Small lanterns line the aisle, white chairs with greenery, and cafe lights hang above. Isobel has truly outdone herself. 

And at the end of the aisle is Alex, with tears in his eyes staring at Michael, who Arturo can tell is barely holding back his own tears.

The music starts and Arturo hears Alex’s voice waft through the outdoor speakers and Arturo gasps. 

“Did you know?” Arturo whispers as they make their way down the aisle.

“I knew he was planning something, but I didn’t know he was signing his own song.” 

It's you I'm fighting for

If I call off the battalion

Break my walls down stone by stone

Tear down my defenses

I can build your heart a home

And if I did

Would you come home

I still find my fathers shrapnel

Buried beneath my skin

But I've begun to heal in all the places your hands have been

Would you meet me in the middle

Could we both stop keeping score

There's a battle I must fight alone

It's you I'm fighting for

If I call off the battalion

Break my walls down stone by stone

Tear down my defenses

I can build your heart a home

And if I did

Would you come home

The song is beautiful, just like their love, and Arturo, along with everyone else, is a mess of tears by the time he hugs both Alex and Michael and sits down next to Michelle. 

The ceremony is truly the most romantic thing Arturo has ever witnessed, Isobel leaving no stone unturned, and it’s not until Michael and Alex are ready to say their own vows that Arturo realizes just how lucky he is to be these boys’ father.

“Alex.” Michael begins as he grabs Alex’s hands. “I think I knew when we met at seven that we were meant to be. I know you think I’m always coming up with these cheesy and brilliant lines to express myself, but I think when we met it was as if we were built from the same star drawn together by something cosmic. I’m from another galaxy and yet somehow you are as familiar as my own reflection. I’ve loved you, for a long time, and I will continue loving you, far beyond this world.”

Arturo has tears running down his face, recognizing the lines from Tripp’s journal that he gave to Michael twelve years prior. Alex laughs at Michael’s joke and Arturo notices that he squeezes Michael’s hands a little bit tighter. 

“Michael.” Alex responds, throat thick with emotion. “Together we could quiet all the noises, drown out the voices, and play our own song. I think back to when we were boys becoming men under the desert sky, and how I wanted nothing more than to spend my life with you. I knew then that you loved me, just as I know you love me now. You were the best of me. You are the best of me.”

Arturo is really crying now, along with everyone else and he wipes his eyes just in time to see Michael and Alex kiss as they’re announced husbands to the world.

“I now pronounce you married.” Isobel shouts. “Everybody cheer for Mr. and Mr. Ortecho!”

Arturo pauses as the name they’ve chosen sinks in and both Michael and Alex turn to him and hug him before making their way back down the aisle. 

“We love you, Papi.” 

“I love you, too, Mijos.”