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shimmershae · 3 years ago

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Just watched the episode and I’m going to have a lot of thoughts for you, most of them probably bordering on incoherence (LOL) so this is your last chance to nope on out of this post because I’m going to go ahead and put everything else behind a cut to save the eyes that do not want to see any spoilers at all. Unlike mine, that very much wanted to see but in a lot of cases? Could not see shit, but I digress.

Shae’s stream of consciousness coming at you in 3-2-1.

First of all, can I saw how good it is to have my show back again? Like, no. I don’t quite have Season 5 levels of excitement about the new/last season, but it is definitely nice to have all these characters back.

So all these thoughts of mine. Okay. Bear with me because there be a whole lot of them, lol.

My immediate impression as the episode opened was WHOA. Such a cool shot of Daryl with one light wing, one dark wing (representing the two sides to Daryl maybe--the man of honor versus the man he was raised to be, hmm?) looking out over some dark vista of something. Seriously. It’s dark. My room is also dark at the moment and still I was squinting to see. To make out what I’m “looking” at. I really, really hope the rest of this season isn’t this hard to make out.

Is that a tank? Kinda sorta a callback to Rick’s first episode? If so, cool. If not, well. Us fans have always put way more thought into things. For real. Change my mind.

Holy intense eye contact, Batman! Daryl Dixon has literally never looked at anyone--not BethusConLeah--in quite the same smoldering way as he looks at Carol. It’s next level. I don’t know why people be fooling themselves into thinking different.

Let’s see. I can make out--besides Daryl, Maggie, and that face mask dude I already forgot the name of--Kelly, Magna, Jerry (who’s that with him?), and Carol. Sorry. My world, like Daryl’s, inevitably narrows to Carol. She’s loking fierce and fine AF per usual.

Was that Rosita I noticed rewinding to relive Daryl eye-fucking Carol?

I’m guessing this is the army base they talked about in 10C.

That Walker perking up like “I smell food--pancakes and bacon and oohhhh” has me giggling inappropriately right off the bat. WTF.

Look at all my fabulous ladies tiptoeing through that Walker minefield. And Carol spotting that gun that might be useful right away. Listen, if you don’t think her mind ain’t always ten steps ahead of everybody else’s, you’d be wrong.

So. Are these Walkers just so old and feeble not even the call of fresh meat attracts them? Because just tiptoeing through their midst without the knockoff Lady Gaga meatsuits or skin masks has never really worked before that I can remember.

I just want to see most of this season. Is that really too much to ask? Don’t X-Files and Game of Thrones us, Angela. Please and thank you very fucking much.

Okay. Is the one drop of blood thing making anybody else have 28 Days Later vibes? Kinda? Sorta? No? Just me? Okay then. Carry on.

Wait a minute, though. How they be explaining how Daryl keeeps acquiring all these new tats all the time? Hmm? It’s like they just quit giving a shit about continuity in these latter seasons.

I mean. Do Walkers sleep now? LMAO. What is this? I guess they’re constantly evolving?

There’s my baby Lydia. Love my smol bean.

Alright though. I love to see the ladies of TWD kick some ass. It’s very gratifying. Gimps would never. Thank you, Angela.

Clever, resourceful, calm and collected, quick thinking Carol to the rescue! Seriously. Her haters must be withering away inside with absolute envy.

Hey, ya’ll. Remember when Carol was still mastering her sharpshooting skills at the Prison yard and shot at Rick’s feet? Her little “sorry, sorry”? LOL. If Rick could only see her now. Wait. He already knew what so many of his stans refuse to acknowledge--Carol=ultimate survivor and true savior to the group many times over.

Maggie’s got herself a gun, too. Go my badass girls.

Of course, Carol’s got everybody’s back. Of fucking course, Daryl’s got hers even when everybody else seem frozen in some kind of awe or stupification or something. Microcosm of the whole damn show right there.

Carol’s like “here’s your knives, love of my life.”

Eh. Maybe that’s just me.

Nah. She’s totally thinking it, too.

YAS! YAS! Norman Reedus and Melissa McBride with the top billing. How very far my babies have come.

Listen. I miss all the characters we’ve lost. Absolutely. But I love the ones that are still with us, that have been with us for so very long so hard. Whether I love their stories or decisions or not.

Is that THE Alexandria sign? That sign’s been through some shit.

DOG! Daryl kneeling to embrace our Grimes babies has me all up in my feels. And how cute is Dog getting all excited and making sure he’s the first one there to welcome back, Daddy?

Hershel is literally just as puppy dog cute as Glenn ever was. Really some Grade A casting.

What did Maggie call Mr. T? Ducky? Dougie? Sometimes with Maggie? I really cannot tell. Anyway. He’s Mr. T. for me until I find out differently, probably through rewatching with close captioning, lol.

Maggie’s got more people. So. Some new redshirts to sacrifice for plot purposes. I don’t know if I should bother learning their names or not.

I seem to remember Meridian being mentioned in one of the episode synopses.

Sophia’s hair tie around Carol’s neck will never fail to be an emotional throat punch. My heart.

“They come at night and by the time you see them, you’re already dead.” Welp. Guess that means we ain’t seeing shit for at least this first third of the season, lol. Very horror-eque though.

“You’re leaving to fight ghosts.” Aaron, to Maggie. So I see Aaron’s the type to get the hell outta Dodge when the Boogeyman comes calling, hahaha. Least he was. In the old world.

Rosita’s pissed off expression at Gabe’s decision to volunteer for the so-called suicide mission gives me life.

My baby Carol is tired AF of suicide missions. You can tell. Also? Methinks she has something to prove to Daryl here. Or at least feels like she does.

Dog with his little tactical vest. I love it.

I guess I get why they had Carol and Rosita stay behind. They had to more evenly split up the badassery to make things more fair and balanced, lol.

Okay. So Negan’s definitely earned everybody’s disdain. But they’re being woefully short-sighted by not at least hearing the dude out. Isn’t he at least native to the area?

“That is God telling us to turn around.” I’m actually on Negan’s side with this one, but Gabe answering him with “I’m pretty sure he would have run that past me first” has me howling with laughter. Father Gabe has gone straight up savage in these last couple of seasons. Rosita’s influence, perhaps?

I see what Angela is doing. Trying to make Negan the voice of reason. In this particular case? It’s kind of working. I’m still ultimately on Maggie’s side with this though BECAUSE GLENN.

Imagine showing up to work and unironically dressing like a storm trooper every day. Excuse me while I LOL.

Even in the ZA, there’s bullshit paperwork.

“Pumpkin colored spacesuit.” Good one, Ezekiel.

LOL forever. I love Princess.

“Michonne. Our Michonne shut people out of Alexandria for years.” Timely reminder that choices aren’t always perfect. Neither are people.

WTF is reprocessing? Sounds ominous. LMAO at Eugene’s “Okay. We gotta go.”

What in the actual hell with all those bagged, squirming undead? Creepy AF in that subway tunnel.

Should I just go ahead and call that the Easter bunny? We’ve had some version of it pop up since Season 1.

Is it stubborn pride with Maggie or what? Why go through with something when all signs point toward the wisdom of stopping? You can argue that she’s acting similarly to Carol last season, but there’s a huge difference here folks. Carol did her damndest to Lone Wolf that shit and minimize the danger to those she loved. Maggie’s straight up enlisting those she “cares about” to carry out her mission of revenge or vengeance, what have you. Let’s see if she gets near the amount of hate for it. Personally, I don’t blame her for her feelings one bit. They are valid. But her knowingly drawing the others into the game? That’s my sticking point. That’s how she and Carol differ, even if some people refuse to see or accept it. Anyway. Hopping right on off my soapbox.

“Why don’t you get up on your little tippy toes and try?” Omigosh, I’d dying. When I tell you I about passed out with laughter, I do not exaggerate. I should hate Negan forever and I do. Really. But I adore JDM and he frequently makes me LOL. He’s made Negan entertaining if not completely redeemable since Angela took over and more layered so I say kudos.

He has a point about Maggie playing dictator. Damn you, show, for slanting the writing just that smidgen that makes Negan make sense over his victim. I guess, though, it’s better this way. Gives both characters more shades of gray.

“He’s a dick but he makes sense.” I feel like this is Angela calling us all out when we dare to harbor any lasting resentment toward Negan for what he did to Glenn.

Speaking of--Negan. You deserved Daryl’s punch to the mouth. You just went a bridge too damn far.

“Keep pushing me, Negan. Please.” Warning shots fired, Asshole. You better watch yourself around the Widow Rhee.

Have I mentioned how much I love Princess? Her shipping the Commonwealth guards is killing me, lol. I can’t wait ‘til she meets Carol and Daryl. She’s going to have their number in two seconds flat.

I like Ezekiel and Princess as a duo. I’m not saying romantically necessarily. I just like them in scenes together because they’re fun. There’s sort of a protective indulgence Ezekiel seems to telegraph whenever they’re in scenes together. Like he’s like don’t hurt this one. I don’t know. For all these words I’ve written, I can’t quite find the ones to adequately describe what I mean.

The wall of the lost gives me such Battlestar Galactica feels. What sad thoughts it inspires.

Eugene in that Commonwealth gear. Omigosh, lol. So did they just sneak up and take Princess’s little Commonwealth ship’s gear when they were sneaking off on their own to have a quickie?

Princess finding that note for Yumiko on the wall actually gave me chills. Yeah. I’m easy. Just the suggestion of someone getting reunited with lost family gets me all up in my feels. Yumiko saying “I have to stay”? I felt that.

Oh no. Dog ran off! Somebody protect my favorite fictional puppy. Of course, Daryl goes after him. He’s always been the sweet one. Merle said it.

Eh. Negan taking Maggie’s hand at the end there would have smacked too much of Negan Sue and Maggie’s biggest plot of the season would have been prematurely dealt with so I get why they did what they did. But c’mon. It’s not really that big of a cliffhanger, is it?

Okay, so Angela calls those sleeping beauty Walkers “Lurkers” and I get it. Apparently they’re a bigger deal in the comics, but I really don’t remember seeing them all that much on the actual show. Somebody jog my memory.

Of fucking course, you can actually see what’s happening in the inside the episode clips. I wish we could choose to view the episode with that lighting because some of us be blind. And this time I mean in the more literal sense. Not the figurative one.

Anyway. I’m going to stop trying to write a novel for ya’ll and move on to better things. Like maybe a nap. Maybe some early dinner. I don’t know. I’m tired AF and need a little recharge.

Before I go, though? Overall impression of the episode? I liked it. There were parts that I loved (all the ladies being badass, every second of Carol, Daryl reuniting with the Grimes babies and Dog, all things Princess, some of Negan’s one-liners about had me busting a gut, Rosita serving looks, Kelly and Lydia getting to be badass too) and parts I didn’t love (not being able to see a damn thing, Angela trying to tip the scales in Negan’s favor, not enough Carol or Aaron or Rosita, no reunion between Aunt Carol and the Grimes babies even though that picture floating around suggests it was at least shot, not being able to see a damn thing, all the Alexandria people playing follow the leader for Maggie when she’s been gone 6 years and Daryl’s right there--hell, even Father G deserves the honor over her because it’s obvious they’re not exactly on the same wavelength anymore).

I don’t know about anybody else, but I’m just glad to have our show back.

Later, lovelies.

#The Walking Dead #Season 11 #spoilers #TWD spoilers #things that make me smile and cry #and giggle and giggle

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logically-asexual · 4 years ago

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okay i'm already procrastinating and i don't plan on sleeping any time soon so here we go.

☆ ✩ my personal ranking for every season 1 Sanders Sides episode. ✩ ☆

i think it's going to be pretty similar to @dukeofonions' but let's see if i find something new to contribute haha. i see you didn't include that one about Patton in the Big Game or whatever, so i'm not including it either xd. also i think i'm going to count Accepting Anxiety as one episode only.

edit: i finished and now i dare you to drink a shot of water every time i say the word spanish or a version of the word comfort and become very well hydrated.

#16 I'm in a Disney Show

(i agree with dukeofonions here) i always forget this episode exists. it was ok in terms of being happy for real life Thomas but as a Sanders Sides episode it didn't do anything. the sides were just giving their opinions but it wasn't very funny or interesting. also i'm bitter because it made me look up the episode he was in and i didn't like it at all. i don't know if i'm too old for those Disney shows now but Thomas was literally the only good part of it, everything else was really dull and boring imo. a waste of time.

however, Logan supporting clickbait is one of the funniest things ever, and i'll never forget it.

#15 Becoming A Cartoon

i didn't hate this episode but it was just .. meh.. you know? several factors contribute to this. one, i couldn't feel much nostalgia for Butch Hartman's shows because i watched them in Spanish, and everything feels really weird when they speak English, i don't like how my old cartoons sound in English. two, it was disappointing to me because we were all desperately waiting for Plot™ and instead they give us this short episode about nothing (oh how the tables have turned now it's the other way around haha). and three, i didn't like the style of the animation :/ their faces and expressions freaked me out, Roman's douchey face still haunts me.

#14 Way Too Adult

here i'm biased because i don't like Patton much, and i didn't back when i watched the series the first time either, so this video was a little disappointingwithout the rest. also it wasn't relatable to me because i am still too young and dependent on my parents haha. but Patton is funny and it's funny to laugh at Thomas' struggling.

#13 The Dark Side of Disney

i've never been a fan of Disney movies. i actually never watched Mulan or the Lion King or Aladdin as a kid, so meh. i liked the ending, though, it was cool to see Virgil have fun and be right for once. it does make me a bit uncomfortable because the way Thomas tries too hard with Virgil's mouth movements and his low voice reminds me of a guy that had made me v uncomfortable not long before watching that video. so an icky feel overall.

#12 A New Year of Lying to Myself

this video was actually kind of fogettable to me. i had a hard time connecting the voices in the song to the characters and idk. i don't love it nor hate it, just .. neutral.

#11 My True Identity

pretty much the same opinion as dukeofonions, again. it's a good introduction and it's good that it was the beginning of it all but on its own it's not very special. i think it's awesome on Thomas to have come up with such a clever idea, like choosing the dad, the teacher and the prince and putting them together and match them with thoughts?? that fit so perfectly?? it really is just very impressive when you think about it, that it was just a random idea he had for a short 5 minute video.

#10 Taking on Anxiety

i liked this video a lot because when i watched it i had recently been a lot on tumblr, and found out through relatable posts that i had anxiety. so watching this video was really fun and it made me happy to feel so seen, specially the intro when Thomas just talks about what it's like to have Anxiety and Virgil is so smug about it.

- ★ -

okay now that those are out of the way things are going to get hard... all the following i love with all my heart so i'm going to rank them based on the smallest things.

#9 Growing Up

once more, Patton isn't my favorite. so that's why i'm putting this here, plus the echo at the end askjhsahg, but i love love this video. i remember we were waiting and oh so ready for the angst of nobody taking Patton seriously. and we received!! i love that though Roman and Logan are antagonists here, they're both so happy about Thomas wanting to have a healthy life. and i just adore the way Logan admits his mistake at the end and asks Patton directly. my heart... also aw.. the nostalgia. i remember none of us knew how to spell Patton's name and were writing it in very funny ways until Thomas and Joan told us lol.

#8 The Mind vs The Heart

when i watched this video the first times i didn't like it much, because i only had eyes for Virgil, but later i came back to it and loved it. so taking that into account i'm putting it here. logicality was the first ship i ever shipped in the show because i saw a gifset on tumblr of Patton screaming "what do you know about love?!" and Logan "apparently more than YOU" and the caption said "MARRIED", and i thought hey yeah... anyway. i love them. they're both my dads since that day.

this video is so so so relatable and i love it. Logan and Patton are so much fun arguing and i love how they compromise at the end and work together. im reconsidering.. i might move it higher? no, fine i'll leave it here.

#7 Making Some Changes

this video was absolutely hilarious. i personally couldn't see it as the Sides still once they were acted by Thomas' friends, i enjoyed it more as that bunch being silly and trying to be the sides but failing in so many ways, while sometimes nailing stuff suddenly. i really don't take this one too seriously as an episode. except Joan!Logan and Valerie!Logan, my beloved... i love how Joan acted as Logan and their voice and that they kept their ace ring on.. there's a reason i had them as my icon for so long. and Valerie looks a bit (a lot) like me with the glasses and dressed in dark colors, plus she spoke Spanish and there's .. no words to describe the joy i felt when seeing/hearing that. wait i'm getting emotional...

#6 My Personality Q&A

when i watched this Virgil was my favorite side and i didn't care much about the rest lol. when i heard his answers i related to him SO much it was scary, and also his voice is so soft and it was all very comforting. it was also when i first starting looking at Logan with more attention, because when he brought up Big Hero 6 and Fall Out Boy and said he didn't sing and would recite it like a poem? it only took a couple seconds but my brain said "me" and never went back.

now this video is a little underwhelming to watch for me, most of the appeal for me was in finding out the answers, and also watching it when we didn't know a lot about the sides. now we know more and want to know more so it's not as fun to me as it was first.

i wish so bad they'd do another one, although i know it would be more difficult with a much bigger audience, i think they can manage and i just need it. the chaos.. the energy.. they all being so savage with each other, learning little random facts about them you didn't expect.. i need it.

- ★ -

oh boy top 5 here we go. the next three are practically a tie. i can't choose.

#5 Alone on Valentines Day

i love Valerie, and the idea of this video was perfect and so perfectly excecuted. every side just giving their crazy opinions on how to woo a random stranger, i laughed SO much. first with Logan speaking simlish out of nowhere? at that point i didn't know practically anything about the sims except that it was some video game and the whiplash of Logan going AYO and the rest killed me. then when Roman whipped out that dialogue in Spanish??? my life was completed. i've never felt more happy than i did in that moment gosh. just the hilarity of Roman's drama, the shock of them speaking Spanish suddenly like that, the absolute JOY of seeing a creator i like speak (may i say) perfect Spanish, the other characters' faces after that.. never been happier.

also the conclusion was so cute. Virgil solving the whole problem without wanting to. i loved it.

#4 Am I Original

i think this video speaks for itself. it was fun to watch them all do the ideas Roman had, plus Logan and Virgil nodding at each other, (i love them so much), plus the angst at the end of Roman's perfectionism, plus Roman's just perfect name. this video has it all.

i think Thomas posted it kind of late at night and i watched it at 7am in the classroom as i waited for my classmates to arrive and the class to start. (i usually was like 40 minutes early to school due to mom’s work). i had to contain my laughter and it wasn’t easy.

#3 Losing My Motivation

i started loving this video after a while, when Logan passed Virgil in the position for my favorite side. but once he did this episode was beautiful. it's so funny and i love Logan and Patton's dynamic so much. and the video also so damn relatable in general. i felt so seen with it because they named all the problems i have when procrastinating, down to Patton's vague explanation of his feelings, it's exactly how i feel every time i want to do stuff. and the plot twist! i can hear the dramatic sound effect and see how they all turn to Logan clearly in my head, and it always makes me smile. plus there's so much Logan angst that can be dug up and overanalized. i love to watch it over and over.

#2 Accepting Anxiety

this video was perfect. everything we wanted. we knew it was coming and it delivered perfectly, better than any fanfic done in the waiting time. the week between the parts was agonizing but in a fun way somehow. i remember precisely when i was watching part 2 in my living room. i screamed. and i cried, a lot. i was feeling terrible at that time in my life and Thomas was such a comforting presence and i can't begin to describe how this episode made me feel.

and later it is always fun to rewatch with all their different reactions to being in Virgil's room, the energy of that was on point. Thomas is such a great actor and the characters where just amazingly performed. plus it gave so much to talk adn think about, the idea of the rooms, lots lots of insight into the characters, foreshadowing, so much. it's just perfect i have nothing else to say.

#1 (for purely emotional reasons, ironically) My Negative Thinking

i think Accepting Anxiety is the best episode of the season objectively but my favorite is My Negative Thinking. because i love Virgil and Logan so much and seeing them argue together was and is great. the comfort.. i can't repeat that word enough throughout this post. it's such a soft video while not being overwhelming with Patton and Roman's outbursts. just quiet (mostly) and clear and with perfectly timed humour.

Logan my beloved.. learning spanish... helping me with my own anxiety.. and their debate was so good. and the fact that they were friends i- i can't. Virgil didn't think Logan liked him and Logan told him explicitly that he did and the casual softness of it i cant even. Logan is happy that he tried.. it's just marvelous. Virgil and Logan as best friends will always be my favorite pair, and their dynamic will always be what i strive for in any relationship i might form, with both sides silently comforting each other within their own limits and realistic perspectives. so nice.

- ★ -

so yeah. that's all. thank you if you read all the way up to here. ♡ ♡ ♡

#sanders sides #thomas sanders #logan sanders #virgil sanders #patton sanders #roman sanders

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plumeriaheart · 5 years ago

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How to persuade your dummy [Mammon/Reader]

I would give Mammon my soul within seconds. Also that one devilgram story for his ssr card, the Mammon Way, made me wish it ended differently so here’s me fulfilling my own wish.

FANDOM: Obey Me!

RATING: more fluff, with a little bit of spice

WORD COUNT: 2.6k

„Ugh, why do I have to bother with some stupid homework assignment?! This is beneath the Great Mammon!”

His sudden outburst doesn’t phase you nor Satan – it’s his fourth one already. Although Satan already explained to him that he had to finish his course work – lest he wants to repeat the year – it simply doesn’t seem to get through his head. And you can tell that he’s growing more exasperated by the second. If you look closely, you can see his smile twitch as he watches Mammon flipping through the pages of his exercise books.

“Satan, would you like me to handle this?” Not to mention that you’re just as much at a loss as he is; still, you would rather avoid him losing his cool. If everything else fails, you could simply command Mammon to do his work, right?

“Are you certain that you’ll be able to?” He seems hesitant, considering whether this is something he can leave in your hands. The concern on his face makes you wonder – does he think that little of you? After all, you were able to make most of the demon brothers enter a pact with you. You would have thought that you had proven yourself more than capable at this point.

“Of course I am. I have a pact with him, remember?” This seems to reassure him, and only a few seconds pass before he nods with a confident smile.

“Then I will leave this job to you. Do let me know about your success later tonight when you return to the House of Lamentation.” With those words, he bids you farewell. As soon as he’s out of eyesight, though, you hear Mammon getting up from his chair.

“Finally! Thought he wasn’t gonna leave at all!” You watch him as he stretches his arms above his head, a carefree grin on his face. Unless you act fast, you know he’s going to take the chance to disappear as quickly as he can.

“You know, I thought you looked pretty cute working on that assignment...” Voice as nonchalant as possible, you sit down across from him and notice his cheeks burning up right away. He turns his face away from you quickly as if to try and hide the fact that you made him blush.

“Ya’ think…? I-I mean, ‘course I did! I, the Great Mammon, always look pretty cute! And, uhm, attractive, too!” He’s right, technically, you do think he always looks rather attractive, but maybe you could use this to make him continue his work?

“There’s something really attractive about somebody that’s so focused on their work in front of them...” You mumble, letting your eyes drop down to his opened books. “I really like seeing you that focused, Mammon.”

You’ve never seen him sit down as fast as he did right now, frantically searching for the pencil he used to pretend to work while Satan was present.

“L-like this?” His voice is low and he doesn’t even look up at you, eyes glued to the page in front of him. Whether he’s actually trying to read or if he’s just pretending to, you can’t tell. Though you can see that he’s still blushing.

“Yeah, just like that – it’s really difficult to hold back the urge to kiss you right now.” His grip around the pencil tightens and the lead breaks from the pressure. With a gulp, he dares to look up at you for a mere second only to see you smiling at him. As if you didn’t just make his heart stop!

“Pfft, that’s… That’s just like a human, being too weak to… to ignore my devilish charms,” he mumbles, eyes flitting from your lips to the curve of your neck. Suddenly, he’s hyper-aware of how enticing you look to him; the thought of how soft your lips must feel and how delicate your skin looks. Mammon gulps, finding it even more difficult to focus on the work in front of him thanks to you.

You wonder if your plan backfired, if you only made it more difficult for him to finish his work, but then… Another idea sparks inside your head. Anything is worth a shot to make him work.

“I think my self-control is strong enough to hold myself back right now. But if you were to finish that first book… I don’t know if I’d be able to hold myself back then.” It’s unclear whether Mammon can tell that you’re sweet-talking him into doing his work or not, but the important thing is that it’s working. He’s pulled the book closer to himself, underlining passages within the text and scribbling down stuff in his notebook. And unlike before, they’re not just wiggly lines.

You grin to yourself, watching him work away – too focused to even look up for a single second. Now that you have to wait for him to finish the first book, you take out your D.D.D. and start a new group chat with the other brothers. You take a quick snapshot of Mammon and send it to them with the caption ‘I found a way to make him work!’

Immediate responses flood the group chat, all five brothers wondering just how you managed to convince him. You’re not willing to tell them you practically seduced him into doing it, but… Asmodeus can probably figure it out himself.

‘Did you promise to send him exclusive voice lines from Ruri-chan if he finishes his work? ROFLMAO If yes, you have to send them to me. Plz do it. Mammon’s such a normie he wouldn’t know how to appreciate Ruri-chan’s precious voice.’

‘Did you offer to pay him? With all due respect, you didn’t seem like the type of person to possess enough wealth to do so.’

‘I bet she promised to make dinner for him. Maybe even his favourite meal? I bet he couldn’t say no to that.’

You hold back a giggle to those texts, but then you feel as if somebody’s staring at you. Looking up from your D.D.D., you see Mammon with a confident smile – he’s at the end of the first book, and his eyes are watching you expectantly.

That was way faster than you imagined!

“You’re done already? I’m impressed, Mammon,” you say. His only response is a grin, a quick nod and another slight blush on his cheeks. He’s really waiting for that kiss you mentioned, isn’t he?

As you get up from your seat and move to sit next to him, he suddenly averts his gaze.

“This was nothing for somebody as clever as me!” His voice is not as cocky as his words, and he gulps audibly as you sit down next to him. Your arms touch, and you can feel the warmth radiating from him. You’re more than willing to hold up your end of the bargain, but he refuses to turn his head to look at you. As if you weren’t able to see how red his face was from this angle!

That’s not enough to stop you, though. You lean closer to him, placing your lips just below his ear. He jumps in his seat, clearly not having expected you to be so bold.

“I’m really proud of you, Mammon. You’ve done really well, you know? And the next two books are going to be a cakewalk for you,” you whisper. He shivers at the feeling of your hot breath caressing his skin. It’s entertaining to see how much such a simple action can affect him; it brings you more joy than you’d like to admit. Another soft kiss is placed, this time, a bit closer to his cheek.

“You’re… You’re right! This is nothing for me!” His hands are shaking ever so slightly as he reaches for the next book, aware of just how close you are to him. His skin still tingles where your soft lips touched. You decide to rest your head on his shoulder, watching him as he continues to work. The proximity makes his heart beat faster, nervous about how close you are, but you see him begin to work once more. Since he’s doing his best at focusing on the words in front of him, Mammon doesn’t notice the pink tinge on your cheeks.

It takes him slightly longer than before, which can be attributed to how close you were, but eventually, he finishes the second book as well. He doesn’t say anything, but… He does glance at you. He’s not going to say it, but he wants to hear you say how well he did.

You lift your head from his shoulder, humming a little.

“Can you look at me?” You ask, smiling brightly as he does. Raising your hand, you gently stroke his cheek with your fingertips; eyes never wavering from his. “I’m really glad to see you give it your all.”

His eyes widen as if in shock, but then he nods. He opens his mouth to say something, but closes it again – he can’t find any words to say to you right now. He’s way too overwhelmed: he’s nervous because you’re so close, anticipating the kiss you talked about before, and also exhausted from doing actual work.

You gently make him tilt his head so that your foreheads touch, and now you feel the heat radiating from his cheeks. At this rate, he’s likely to break a world record in blushing, you think to yourself.

“Do you think you need a little break before you continue?” It’s the least he deserves. “I can get us something to eat, and then you’ll finish the last book, okay?” He nods, but his face drops a little as you get up to order. If he had a say in it, he wouldn’t let you go at all. He finds an irritating amount of satisfaction in having you this close to him, being gentler than anybody had ever been with him before. He’s not the Avatar of Greed for nothing.

When you return, his face lights up with a smile. He may have begun to miss you already, but he also realised that all the thinking had made him hungry.

“I got you some coffee and a backstabbing sandwich – your favourite, right?”

He might just tear up at how kind you are to him.

Roughly two hours later, all three of the books are done. The final one took a toll on Mammon, being way harder than the previous ones, but somehow he pulled through. Maybe it was the way you smiled at him when he let out a frustrated sigh, or maybe it was the way you rested your hand on his when he needed to take a little breather.

You’re way too patient, Mammon thinks to himself, enduring his antics and lack of intelligence. He’s so used to the way his brothers talk down to him that he can’t believe anybody would take the time out of their day to stay with him, to encourage him – and yet that’s exactly what you did. No wonder you manage to make his heart flutter with joy.

“Should we go home?” You ask him as you get up to stretch your legs.

“Yeah… I’m beat. But...” He looks away from you, embarrassed to be asking for this. You did promise him a kiss, and you had yet to kiss him on the lips! How can he ask for it, without actually asking for it? He’s way too stubborn to openly admit to wanting you to kiss him, even if he knows that you can tell. You’ve got a certain way to read him, and Mammon’s not sure if he likes it or not.

“I haven’t forgotten about your reward.” Those words make him choke on his spit, cheeks crimson once more. A reward, huh? It has a nice ring to it, he has to admit. And to hell with it, he does deserve one, doesn’t he?

Gathering the books and his notes, both of you get ready to leave. When you take his hand and entwine your fingers with his, you catch him by surprise. You half expect him to pull his hand away, but he merely mutters unintelligibly as you two leave.

You tell Mammon to rest in his room as you bring the books to Satan. He accepts them, pleasantly surprised to see the results. There’s a fair share of mistakes, but not enough for the committee to fail Mammon. With a spring in your step, you return to Mammon’s room to share the good news with him.

A knock on his door to signal you’re back, Mammon jumps up from his bed and opens the door. You barely get a word out before he pulls you in, slams the door shut and wraps his arms around your waist. With a smile, you gently pat his head and hear him grumble into the crook of your neck.

“You’ve done so well today, Mammon,” you tell him. He raises his head to look up at you, and you wonder if you’re seeing things – do his eyes seem a little watery? The way he looks at you is unlike anything you’ve seen before, a mixture of gratefulness and pleas. It tugs at your heart to see him like this.

When you take his face into your hands, you can feel the heat rising to his cheeks once more. But this time, you’re not going to pull away like the times before. You get up on your tiptoes to place a kiss on his lips, and when they touch, it’s as if he’s revitalised.

He kisses you back with fervour, with such longing that you wonder how long he’s been holding back. His lips crash into yours as if he was starving for you, eager to taste more and more of you. Now he’s not the only one that’s blushing, you’re taken by surprise at how forceful his kiss is. He rests his hands on your hips, trying to pull you closer and closer until you can feel his heartbeat against your chest.

You barely manage to break away to gasp for air before his lips crash into yours once more, hungry, begging to have a taste of you. One of his hands travels up your back, resting between your shoulder blades. The heat coming from his touch is enough to consume you, to set your skin aflame.

When you allow his tongue to slip past your lips, a groan reverberates from him; strong enough to send a shiver up your spine. You’ve given him a taste of yourself now, and it fuels him. The more he touches of you, the longer you kiss, the greedier he becomes – you’re unlike anything else he’s ever had, and suddenly he finds himself breathless, as well.

“P-Please,” he finds himself whimpering, and he’s not sure what he’s asking for himself. There’s an ache in his chest, and his heart is pounding painfully.

“Mammon?” You whisper, unsure what to do next – you can still feel his hot breath on your lips, almost touching. He refuses to open his eyes, not looking at you – but you ask yourself if you can see a tear glistening in the corner of his eye.

You run your fingers through his hair, and then you smile.

“Hey, can you look at me, Mammon?” For a couple of seconds, he refuses to do so, but you don’t mind. You give him as much time as he needs before he finally opens his eyes, looking at you with such a pleading expression that almost makes you wonder if he’s in pain. He remains quiet, gaze burned into yours.

“I like the way you kiss me. Can you do it again?”

You don’t need to ask twice.

A/N: I may get over myself and write a sorta sequel to this that’s more mature than this, given that I... gave it such an open ending tbh. we’ll see!! thanks for reading <3

#obey me!#obey me #obey me mammon #obey me mammon x reader #mammon x reader #obey me fluff #obey me fic #this boy has me WHIPPED!!!#i LOVE him #and i want him to be HAPPY

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itsmyblogandillreblogifiwantto · 4 years ago

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The new cast member.. Part 1

A/N: Hi everyone, this is a new mini series where reader is cast as the new agent on Criminal Minds, and Matthew has the biggest crush on her! I’m not sure how many parts I’ll do yet, but hopefully more than three!

Everyone placed their votes over the next month and you won, the crew just needed to get hold of you to ask you, if not, they’d go with the runner up, Jodie Comer.

Flashback

“Okay guys... We’re halfway into this series and we will start to film the next one in two months, but we need your input. After the departure of Agent Smith, we need a new agent and would like all of you to vote for who you’d like to be casted.” The director, Simon, began, “Obviously, we cannot guarantee that we will be able to please all of you, but we have had letters from fans with suggestions.”

“Those suggestions are Jodie Comer from Killing Eve, Y/N Y/S/N who’s a comedian from the U.K and has a Netflix special, Ellen Page from the Umbrella Academy and Phoebe Waller-Bridge from Fleabag.” Daniella, Simon’s assistant said, reading from her laptop.

“Isn’t Y/N Y/S/N the one you have a crush on?” Shemar whispered to Matthew.

Matthew’s cheeks flushed, “No.”

“Your cheeks say otherwise.” Kirsten said squishing his cheeks, unlike his character, Matthew loved PDA. “So cute.” She added.

“We can all vote for her if you want Matthew.” Thomas said sipping his coffee.

“She’s so funny, I think she has a gig here next month. We should all go.” A.J suggested to everyone on the table.

“She is. Matthew and I watched her comedy special on Netflix and I wet myself laughing.” Paget said as Matthew’s cheeks continued to flush as he sunk into his seat.

“I’ll sort tickets.” Daniella said, looking at her laptop. “Anyone who wants to go let me know by the end of Wednesday.”

“I don’t even think Y/N Y/S/N has an agent, so she is probably the easiest of the four to get hold of.” Matthew finally said.

“Are you going pretty boy?” Shemar asked Matthew with a smirk.

Matthew nods, “Yeah. Like Paget said, she’s hilarious.”

“And you totally have a crush on her.” A.J said as Matthew’s cheeks went red again as he sipped his coffee.

One month later, you are in California for your week run at a comedy venue whilst the cast and crew are getting in their seats whilst you are backstage going over your jokes again. It’s your last day of the show but you are here for a week more to explore the city.

“I can’t believe we get to see her live, one of the ushers said the venue was sold out for the entire week!” Kirsten said, all excited, just like her character, Penelope.

“Anyone want a drink from the bar?” Joe asked

“Sure, I’ll give you a hand.” Matthew said getting up. “Everyone want their usual?” He asks

They all nod.

At the bar

“Are you excited Matthew?” Joe asks, as he sips his beer.

“Yeah. I’m a bit nervous too, for some reason. I feel like I’m the one about to go on stage.” Matthew laughed to himself.

“It’s because you like her, we all know.” Joe said as Matthew sips his beer, rolling his eyes as he pays for the drinks as Joe paid for the ones at dinner.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, the show is going to start in 10 minutes, if you’d all like to go the bathroom, get a drink from the bar, go for a cigarette, whatever, I don’t care, just be back in 10 minutes. Oh, and exclusively for my last show here, I’m doing a 30 minute Q&A after the show so if you tweet your questions to me with the hashtag #asky/nshit , my Twitter name/handle is @Y/T/N and I will answer some of them at the end of the show, as well as talking to you lovely lot who have questions but don’t have social media.” You say through the intercom.

“My girlfriend saw the show yesterday, she said she wet her pants, she felt like our baby was going to come out there and then.” A guy said to his friend at the bar.

“That’s reassuring.” Matthew said to them as he joined Joe and went back to their seats

“Group selfie!” Kirsten said once Joe and Matthew got back into their seats and posted it to Instagram with the caption, “Team Criminal Minds on a night out seeing the hilarious @Y/N !!”

Meanwhile backstage, you hear your phone ping, you only have your notifications on for your favourite Instagrams, Twitters and texts.

You look at the photo Kirsten just uploaded and liked it, “Enjoy the show guys, I certainly enjoy yours! Thank you for coming!” You comment on it, trying not to glance at your favourite, and crush, Matthew.

“2 minutes Y/N.” The stage manager smiled at you. “The bar said they’ll bring you up a glass of water and a beer during the interval too.” He said

“Thanks Tommy, you’ve been awesome this week for my first time in America. I’ve left you and the team a present in your office.” You said with a smile

“Oh my god! She replied guys!” Kirsten squealed at her phone as Matthew glances at it with a smile.

You walk on stage after introducing yourself, with a little crowd work and then you start.

“And that’s why I don’t take my Grandma out for dinner anymore.” You say finishing the joke as everyone is left in stitches and crying of laughter. “Okay everyone, little 15 minute break so I can scream into the void, and you can all get another drink, cigarette, have a quickie, whatever … and then I will be back to for the Q&A so there is still time to tweet me a question or think of one and I’ll pick on you in the second half!” You say and walk off stage leaving everyone laughing and clapping.

“Her material is so clever, she swears but it’s not offending anyone.” Shemar says.

“Have you asked a question Matthew?” A.J asks

“No. I can’t think of anything.” Matthew lied

“Are you single? Asking for a friend. #asky/nshit” A slightly tipsy Paget tweets

“No don’t tweet it...” Matthew said trying to grab Paget’s phone off her.

“It’s gone lover boy.” Joe laughed

“I need a drink.” Matthew groaned

“Coming right up.” Thomas said and went to the bar with Shemar and Kirsten

“Delete that. Please.” Matthew pleaded to Paget

“Nu-uh. It’s time you got out there Matthew.” Paget winked

15 minutes later the show starts again, as does the Q&A

“Okay so first question, from @TomS89, what is your favourite TV show? Oh that’s easy… Criminal Minds.” You smile, winking at the cast but choose not to say they’re in the audience.

You go through a few more questions, “Ha this one made me laugh from @pagetpaget Are you single? Asking for a friend. Paget, I’m a single pringle. Your friend can talk to me as long as he’s cute.” You smile, wondering who her friend could be.

You continue your questions for the remaining 20 minutes, overrunning slightly as you were thanking the team at the venue for everything that they did for you. “Thanks guys! I’ll hopefully be back soon! If anyone has any recommendations for what I should do, please tweet them to me, I’m here another week.” You say, bow and walk off stage and the lights go back up as everyone applauds.

“My cheeks hurt laughing from laughing so much.” Kirsten said, as Shemar wrapped his arm around her waist as Matthew looked down, wishing he had someone special to do that to.

“Do you mean your ass cheeks or your facial cheeks?” A.J asked laughing

“Both.” Kirsten laughed

“Anyone up for a drink at the bar down the road? We don’t have filming tomorrow.” Thomas suggested

“Sure.” Everyone agrees and heads to the bar.

“We should have tweeted asking if she’d join us at the bar.” A.J said nudging Matthew

At the bar

“Is that… No way...” Kirsten said, with her jaw dropping.

To be continued!

Taglist: @pumpkin-goob , @jpegjade , @andiebeaword , @hopebaker , @hotchsbabygirl , @hercleverboy , @cupcake525 , @gubetube , @aperrywilliams , @cosmic-psychickitty , @marleyhotchner

#criminal minds fic #Matthew Gray Gubler #shemar moore #Thomas Gibson #paget brewster #kirsten vangsness #aj cook #joe mantegna #Matthew Gray Gubler fiction #Matthew Gray Gubler fluff #my fics

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en-theheights · 4 years ago

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All the problems with HSMTMTS:

I keep getting asked question on what happened in the fandom, and what is going on against all of the s*xual assault allegations against J*shua and T*m. This is going to be the post where I lay out all that I know of and inform the tumblr fandom on it because not all of you are on Twitter, and Tumblr is literally the heaven amongst fandoms. After this post, I’m DONE talking about this show and being apart of this toxic group. Along with talking about the s*xual assault allegations, I will also be addressing the issues during the BLM movement and other crap that not only the cast and crew have been a part of, but also the fandom itself. Let’s dig in.

Sidenote: I really don’t want any hate, I’m just trying to be open with you guys and inform you all. Also, I’m doing my best to remember everything, so if there is something that you want to know more on then please just message me personally cause I’m seriously SICK of discussing it publicly.

Not eveything in the fandom is due to JUST the cast and crew. This fandom is FULL of very toxic and creepy people.

A few months ago, someone (a grown women) who was overly obsessed with Olivia hacked into her grandfather’s account to turn it into a fan page to get undercover information on Olivia, as well as getting information on where Olivia lived. This grown women has also done some other seriously inappropriate things. If you want to learn more about the sketchy things that this women has done than you can go to Twitter and look it up.

There are always ship wars in fandoms, but this one takes it WAY too seriously. I’ve seen people get attack on their looks just for being a part of a ship. The ones that are heavily abusive are Rina vs Rini, Seblos vs CJ, and redlyn vs Redky. It has cause people to leave the fandom due to how bad the attacking got. On Tumblr, everyone’s pretty open about ships, but on twitter it is a literal battle field.

Disgraceful people still continue to ship the actors instead of the characters. J*livia and J*fia is what I’m going to talk more closely about. (First, josh is a grown adult and both Sofia and Olivia are minors, please unfollow me if you don’t see anything wrong with that). Sofia had to delete a few of her tik toks after one with Joshua went viral and people wouldn’t stop shipping her and him in her comments. Like one video she did, the caption was “I want a boyfriend” and people assumed they were dating and wouldn’t stop tagging him in her videos. As for Olivia, people have been shipping them since the beginning of the show. Fan accounts on all platforms have dedicated their time to this. I don’t necessarily remember if Sofia or Olivia came out saying that they were uncomfortable when they got shipped with their cast mates, but it started causing drifts between the actors because of this and Joshua wasn’t featured in any of Sofia’s videos after that and Olivia didn’t post as much as she use to with him. It goes to show that shipping actors makes things awkward and strained within their personal relationships. DONT DO THIS!

A person stating that they were friend’s with Olivia came out to expose Joshua of being a bad boyfriend after she tells everyone that Olivia and Joshua has been secretly dating during the press tour of HSMTMTS. There was clever evidence that showed they were dating and the girl came out with multiple receipts, and even went so far as to go on Instagram live to speak on the matter. But she then came out stating that it was false and she only wanted some attention. Apparently she was a j*livia stan. I can’t find anything on twitter about it anymore, since I’m pretty sure eveything was deleted. This can ruin people’s careers and I don’t know why anyone could think it’s okay.

There are genuinely a lot of creepy adults that roam around in the HSM fandom. On twitter, there would be grown adults writing in detail how the kissing scene between Joshua and Olivia made them feel. People continue to post the gif of Nini and Ricky kissing and write out why it’s so important to them. People have taken that kissing scene and literally turned it into nasty and inappropriate sm*t on AO3 and Wattpad. Note once again that these characters are minors and it’s NEVER okay to write inappropriate stories about children. Grown adults need to be held accountable for their actions if this is how they’re acting.

Some parts of the fandom genuinely hate on both Sofia and Olivia for literally nothing. Just jealousy between their ships, and because of it, they think it’s okay to to personally attack the actresses on their looks and where they are in there careers. People continuously pin Olivia and Sofia against each other, like for example people bashing Olivia for not being as successful as Sofia, or Sofia being bashed because she doesn’t have the same singing career as Olivia. It’s once again, DISGUSTING!

This one is more about Disney and then not doing their part. Disney cut out the majority of Seblos’ scenes, which caused a lot of turmoil within the fandom and why Seblos felt unattached and awkward while they were together in all of their scenes after the dance episode. People called out Disney and said they they shouldn’t have put Seblos in if they weren’t going to go full out with it.

Onto the cast and the crew:

Kate (miss Jenn) got a lot of hate for exposing that Frankie (Carlos) and Joe(Seb) are in an actual real life relationship without asking them for their consent to tell the world. Don’t know whether they had spoken about them being in a relationship or not, but Kate didn’t speak on it after that either.

A video came out a few days ago of the cast taking cast pictures during their tour, and Mark (Mr. Mazzara) was standing beside Sofia in which it looks like his hand was rubbing Sofia’s lower back, and she seemed uncomfortable. I’m not sure if it’s a stretch or not because the video is super blurry and it’s hard to kind of see their faces, but you can clearly see his hand go behind her back. Personally for me, I didn’t notice anything too alarming, but you’d have to see for youself. I won’t be posting that and instead you can dm me personally and I’ll send you the link to the video.

A past comment of Joshua’s was exposed in which he is saying the F slur. #joshuabassettisoverparty was trending world wide on Twitter, with people wanting him off the show. He has apologized for it since then, but not many ever forgave him and it was just really his young girl audience that came to his defense, even though it wasn’t their apology to forgive. People that only stan him because he is a cute cis white male didn’t see the problem in what he had said, and kept saying that he was young and that it’s not a reason for us to hate on him, but he was only 17 when he said that, and it’s no excuse. Personally to me, his apology was super bland and he didn’t address it personally on his Twitter, but instead replied to a post saying he’d do better. Here’s what he had said:

Here is his apology on this:

Joshua also went on a live in which he said “boys, gals, or whatever” People accused him of being transphobic and enbyphobic. Others think that his words were being blown out of proportion. Here is that video:

I found it to be very ridiculous and rude that he doesn’t follow anybody on twitter or tik tok. On a live video, Julia said something about him not following her, and he just says that he doesn’t follow anybody and she shouldn’t take it personally. Honestly not that big of a deal, but it’s still shows pitifullness and arrogancy. Don’t know what his contract looks like with whatever agency he’s with, but maybe they’re just strict on that, but idk.

People hate on Matt (EJ) for being republican. He hasn’t done anything problematic or said anything out of offense, so for me he’s good. UPDATE: Turns out, Matt is friends with Benjamin Lawson Adams, a convicted pedophile. Here’s a brief statement in what happened:

He worked for the Weinstein company, so no surprise there. His arrest happened in May 2016, and his license was suspended to practice Law in July of 2018. If Matt knew what was best for him, he would stop having any and all associations with this dude.

That’s all I can think of on situations not regarding the s*xual assault allegations or the BLM movement. But there’s probably so much I’m missing. I’m going to make a part 2, cause the next half is too long to post here as well. I’ll label it #exposinghsmtmts so others are able to see it.

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inmyarmswrappedin · 4 years ago

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Episode 13! Yes, I’m aware I have missed several days’ worth of recaps, I will try to go back and do them all before this season is over. For now, enjoy Aisha getting into even more trouble.

So, aside from not having access to my PC for a couple days, one reason I haven’t yet written recaps for the other episodes is because I was so incredibly disappointed with Aisha. Specifically what she told Chanel at the party she and Liya hosted. In my mind, I was the Tyra Banks “we were all rooting for you” meme lol. Up until that point, I had more or less seen where Aisha was coming from, but it felt so unfair for Aisha to attack Chanel like that, when Chanel has done Aisha so many favors.

It’s not that I thought it was out of character for Aisha to say that, but I also hadn’t thought Aisha saw Chanel like that. So I needed to stew in my feelings and, before I knew it, I missed a couple more days lol.

I think a part of this season has to do with Aisha stretching her wings a bit. In episode 1, Emrah tells Aisha she has to live life. And every time Aisha tries to do that, someone ends up seeing her and snitching to her brother. I feel like Aisha really does admire Chanel, despite what she said. She liked Chanel’s earrings, and when Chanel gave them to her, Aisha wore them to a date with Emrah. Aisha was clearly disappointed when Emrah didn’t care for the decor at Chanel’s flat. And right before she was an ass to Chanel, Aisha was telling Emilio about how much she liked them. I think Aisha is struggling with wanting more autonomy, being denied that autonomy, and feeling like she couldn’t be like Chanel even if she tried (because of Emilio’s rejection).

But anyway.

Aisha goes to work, and runs into Chanel. Chanel appears to be chill with Aisha, which tbh, scares me more than if she were mad. Is she faking being chill and plans to get even with Aisha later? I really hope not. Anyway, Chanel says Aisha didn’t need to switch shifts to avoid her. Aisha then stutters through an apology, says she didn’t mean to call Chanel a [gendered slur], she was very drunk and annoyed with Yusuf.

Chanel’s like, cool, but adds that she really dislikes the way people just throw that word around. I want to cry lol, Chanel is the best character on this show. Like I honestly can’t tell if she’s really just let bygones be bygones, but at any rate, she’s 100% right. In luv with her.

Someone calls the smoothie shop. It’s Emrah, increasingly running out of apps to contact Aisha from and becoming more desperate to do so. He tells Aisha he didn’t lie about working at a Kiwi (a Scandinavian supermarket chain) and Aisha can see for herself right now. Son... Don’t call people at work, that’s a stalker thing.

Aisha actually does go to the Kiwi in question, and Emrah is indeed there stocking shelves with a co-worker who quickly assesses the situation and realizes he’s not wanted there. Aisha, not unreasonably, tells Emrah to quit calling her at work. Emrah says he hasn’t explained everything yet. I’m like, we’re running on day 3 of Emrah saying Aisha has to let him explain. Like at this point we’re not going to hear the whole story until the last couple episodes, I bet.

Aisha essentially tells him there’s nothing to explain, because Emrah is a ghetto rat from Stovner and that’s all he’s ever going to be. He doesn’t have a diploma, and he’s only ever going to end up in jail again and again and again. And like, outside of everything else, that’s such a horrible thing to say, and to decide about someone, that no matter what they do they’ll never amount to anything. And when it comes to Emrah specifically, it’s heartbreaking because we know that Emrah has a ton of potential, he’s both smart and clever. I haven’t watched 18, so Idk how he got involved with Bigmac, but someone shouldn’t have his entire life derailed because of a fuckup when they were a teen.

Emrah asks Aisha if she’s done telling him off, because after that, he’s done with her. And Aisha’s like, “good!” But even as she’s leaving, you can see she’s regretting what she’s said. This is hard for Aisha too of course, because she’s clearly in love with Emrah, but she feels she can’t commit to him because of what her family and friends will do or say, as well as because of her own expectations for herself.

Back at home, Aisha is checking insta and she notices Jamilah posted something sad and captioned it 💔. I’m going to guess she broke up with her bf, most likely because as a result of Aisha’s outburst. Gotta love when shit piles up on the main as a consequence of their own actions lol.

Yusuf chooses that moment to burst in, and he’s all, “now people are saying they saw you kissing a dude in Stovner!” Like, for me it’s clear that Yusuf doesn’t necessarily want to control his sister, but dudes in his circle think he should and are giving him grief about it. The answer is that he should tell people to mind their own business, but I realize this is way more easily said than done.

Aisha asks why she can’t be kissing a boy if she wants to, and Yusuf says that she shouldn’t if she’s not serious about the relationship. So, of course, Aisha says the relationship is serious. The relationship that she just broke off. GIRL... Yusuf says if it’s serious, then he wants to meet the guy. No, you don’t want to meet the guy, Yusuf, lol. Aisha says she’s still grounded. (It’s really funny recapping this after having skipped a few episodes, so I haven’t covered why Aisha is grounded yet lol.) Yusuf says he’ll work it out with their mom, so Aisha is allowed to go out and Yusuf can meet this boy. He leaves, and Aisha’s like, “girl...” at herself.

#17 nrk

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arkus-rhapsode · 4 years ago

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MHA 280 Discussion: Did Kirishima Steal Mina’s Spotlight?

So, as you can all tell from this title, chapter 280 of My Hero Academia has debuted and has had some “mixed” feedback. Most of it revolving around the instance of Mina seemingly being set up as the person who was going to deliver the final dosage of anesthetic to Gigantomachia, but was instead saved by Kirishima, who actually finished the beast off.

Now as I said, this moment has been mixed, many people like it and see it as a great character opportunity for Kirishima as he finally comes full circle from the first time he froze up meeting Gigantomachia. While others see this as Horikoshi taking a potentially cool female character finally get a spotlight moment but then undermined.

Personally had to sit on this for awhile and think about how I felt about this. Mainly because I thought that this was good, but not sure how to feel about Mina being literally pushed aside. However after sometime I sorta found myself more okay with this.

Now if you want my most raw opinion, I do believe the idea of it at least being Mina’s vial used to put Giganto to sleep by Kirishima was the best possible way to handle this situation Hori wanted to tell. As it doesn’t totally erase Mina as a contributor. However upon revisiting chapter 280 and chapter 279, I believe I came up with a conclusion to my feelings on this moment.

But before I elaborate, I’d like to revisit the end of chapter 279, which built these expectations of Mina getting the big damn spotlight.

If you look at chapter 279′s ending page, it does set up Mina as being important and will likely be the to carry us into the next chapter. However, there is no defining text that indicates that she is the central hope. Mt Lady’s dialogue could apply to any able-bodied UA student at the time. As well as the structure of the page pushes Mina into the bottom.

This is not some big one full page character portrait of the one who will be central hope, but rather Mina is placed in the last panel at the bottom of the page with little narration caption that makes it seem as if she is the most important. In fact, with the way the chapter just seems to end right there, it makes it appear that Mina is more of a convenience.

Now regardless of this, there is no denying that this created an expectation by the audience to see Mina do something. Especially since the honor of a color page was devoted to Mina. Similarly, the last character centric color cover page we got was Miruko the same chapter she was the one to end on shattering Shigaraki’s tube.

And Horikoshi does follow through on this with Mina seemingly focused om as the one so close to doing throwing the vial into Gigantomachia’s mouth.

Even bothering to hone in on Mina’s own internal struggles while thinking of Midnight and then shedding her armor. Only for her to realize who Gigantomachia is and then fold because of previous trauma from the first time the met.

Now we must remember what this means for both Kirishima and Mina. As the two were both present of meeting Gigantomachia as young teens and it left an impression on both. However, if we recall the Kirishima’s flashback, it was Mina who took the initiative to protect people from Gigantomachia while Kirishima couldn’t muster himself to intervene.

But now, its the reverse, Mina is the one unable to follow through while Kirishima is the one to do this.

Now, before I cover what this means for Mina, I want to say that this is good character writing. And essentially rounds out Kirishima’s arc. The villain who was the sole root of him seconded guessing his decision to become a hero is now the person who he is standing up to.

It once again is an example of Horikoshi giving a character, no matter how minor a moment. But the root cause of the discourse on this chapter is the fact this was not a moment for Mina. Regardless if Kirishima was well written, does that make it bad writing when it comes to Mina?

Well as I observed, I think there was an expectation built by the audience, but not one that would seem like they were cheated out of the moment. I do believe we saw a “bait and switch.” People expected it to be Mina only to misdirect you and have it be Kirishima, however, outside of the color page, I can’t really say there was spotlight put on Mina beyond her conveniently being the closest person. And I think that’s where a lot of my issues come with, because I read this week to week.

Now as previously stated, chapter 279 just kind ends. And as I read that last week I was like, “that’s it?” Like it almost seemed a rather odd place to cut it off at. There was no big end cap to this chapter. It almost had felt like that chapters 279 and 280 were actually suppose to be one big chapter. but had a pause put inbetween them.

And when read the two chapters together, they actually flowed much better. Treating it as one big chapter. with the focus going from the group of young heroes to Mina. Which actually is pretty clever as Mina is the one who gives the last bit of interpersonal connection with Momo when she tells her about looking forward to ending this.

And while this definitely made me like Kirishima saving Mina in 280 more, What I mainly drew from this was Mina never really had a spotlight to steal. As melodramatic as that might sound. If this whole excursion between chapter 279 and 280 was anything, it was one big relay race. With the baton passing off to other characters as they all worked to put down Gigantomachia. Everyone contributed, it was just Kirishima who pushed it across the finish line.

Now lets face it, most tend to equate the victory with the one who did finally throw it in rather than the group effort. And from a storytelling perspective, it had to be either Kirishima or Mina, their the only kid characters who would have an emotional victory putting down Gigantomachia. If it was someone like Kaminari, it be cool he stopped the deadly force, but he doesn’t know Gigantomachia. He doesn’t he a personal stake beyond, “big bad villain that I’m obligated to stop.” Which would not be as powerful.

Especially seeing as Gigantomachia as a villain is just this massive force that you can’t just take a couple of characters to fight against him, Hori used everyone in UA. The final “punch” was just delivered by someone who would benefit from a character background standpoint to do some.

But its controversy also lies in the disproportionate amount of times it seems the female heroes don’t get to be superheroic while a bunch of the guys get super cool character driven victories. The biggest example I can think of is during the Yakuza arc where Nejire is the only big 3 to not get a character introspection of what has pushed them to be at the top of UA while most of the female cast fights a character away from most the underground action.

And as I had brought up in a previous post, characters like Momo who are consistently hyped only for them to lose to either prove the enemy stronger or the fact that they’re not ready yet.

Now those are legitimate gripes I can understand why readers would have with chapter 280, but where I disagree with that is, this was not really a singular person’s win. Afterall, this strategy of trapping Giganto was Momo’s idea. Does she get all the credit? Well, no. But she contributed, she mattered. And that is something we got from Mina, as it was still her vial used to put Giganto to sleep.

There wasn’t a “oh look, she was built up only to fail and now a man must do the work.” No there was clearly an effort put forward, just like everyone else. But then you have the fact Mina froze up, now this leaves me interested in where would go from there. As I brought up, Kirishima has essentially gone full circle, that means we could likely see him phased out more in favor of other characters. And the fact that Mina froze has opened up a new possibility to explore.

In my Momo post, I brought up how they’ve now redefined Momo more as a strategist and leader. He strength doesn’t come from her physical prowess on the battlefield like Bakugou, but rather her skill in support. This is an interesting concept that tries to show off a character’ value isn’t just by how many big bads they’ve punched out. Though I completely understand the need to see more female heroes as action girls rather than simply support.

In conclusion, I do not believe that Kirishima stole any spotlight from Mina. As there wasn’t really a spotlight to begin with. However, expectations were generated from the end of 279 and unfortunately the way a week to week format is structured allowed those expectations to grow. Which resulted in 280 having this underlying sense of disappointment for those who had expectations. However, taking both chapters together as a whole, there’s a lot stronger story here, and makes me hope we get that when we get an anime adaptation of this. It would be tough, but talented directors know what to do with multiple chapters worth of material.

This also leaves me optimistic for the future as Mina’s fumble has made something to be explored as well as the potential conclusion to one of the most beloved characters in the series. I guess all we can do is wait and see.

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popculturebuffet · 4 years ago

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Ducktales (Comic) Reviews!: Happy Happy Valley!/Fight! (Issue #4)

My first look at the IDW Ducktales Comics! And for a comission by @weirdkev27! Seriously he’s basically my boss at this point. If you’d like to comission your own comic or animation review just pm me or shoot me an ask to get my discord. Single stories for a comic are 3 bucks, single comic issues and single episodes of a show are 5 bucks with deals on multiple issues or episodes of a show. With my shameless plugging out of the way the stories themselves are:

Happy Happy Valley! (The Comissioned Story): The Main Cast sans Beakly end up stranded at a resort where everyone’s forced to be happy all the time. A classic trope with a twist ending you can’t predict.. mainly because it’s..

Fight!: The boys have a garage sale with stuff from the broom closet to raise money for Huey’s woodchuck trip. Naturally this quickly snowballs into a samurai fight to the death.

Wonders, a full recap with spoilers, and extreme stupidity await bellow the cut.

After a quick commission break for this week’s episode I’m back in the saddle and back into comics no less! It’s been exactly a year since I’ve done a single issue comic review. Oh sure I looked back on house of x, and will again next year, and I do want to cover Empyre at some point and some other comics, but I haven’t done a full recap of a single comic book in some time. But the first story of this issue really, REALLY confused and infuriated Kev, and rightfully so, so I got the commission call, and of my own volition I’m doing the second story entirely for free. I just wanted to do both for completion’s sake and because when I did read this comic I remembered the stories not being very long so it gives me more to write anyway. And if your curious yes I would gladly review classic Don Rosa, Carl Barks or really any duck writer’s work on a story by story basis, it just works easier to do the Ducktales issues all in one since their both more recent and I don’t have to go back and do it later if, once i finish seasons 1 and 2 at some point in the distant future, I decide to do this series too as well as the Sound and Fury mini that was clearly used to offload stories they had left over.

As for my experience with these comics I DID read them when they started out. .but quickly petered off and never even got around to this story, I remember reading page one but never read the rest of it. Part of it is I tend to flitter in and out of comics and part of it was the stories just weren’t that gripping, with the characters often feeling like flatter versions of the far more multi-layered one’s in the show proper and the stories being a bit too short to properly flesh things out like the show, especially since for some weird reason each issue has two stories instead of having one big story on occasion. They weren’t bad and there is a story or two I want to go back to like Lena and Webby being spies together, Fethry and Fenton have a story together apparently, we get an early look at Della, and there’s one where Bradford hints at them plotting against scrooge long before the show revealed it. There’s some interesting stuff I might look at eventually, I just have a LOT of show to get through too, and i’m not going to pidgenhole the entire series as bad or lackluster based on a few early issues.. or one story in this issue. But yeah i’ve held it off long enough.. let’s talk about

Happy Happy Valley!

First off the titles for these are .. pretty lack luster. Their basically just what the stories are about.. Happy Happy Valley and a Fight, that’s.. about it. I didn’t realize just HOW awesome the show is at titles, making each sound like a thrilling and unique adventure which they usually are, until I got to here. It feels like IDW, and by extentsion disney, didn’t care what the stories were called and just wanted a comic out to tie into the show. Which bothers me when they put this on IDW, clearly having a release platform for disney works.. but didn’t bother to use it for their Darkwing Duck comic continuing from the original, the reprint of the BOOM! Studios comic, or the short lived Star VS Comic Deep Trouble, which I will be covering at some point as it was pretty good. Same with the Boom! Studio’s darkwing, I just want to watch more episodes before revisiting it. Point is the title isn’t great. The story is even less than that.

We open properly with our heroes.. all woken up from their beds in the middle of the night for an adventure. It’s not a bad start, though Louie weirdly starts in constantly about how Scrooge’s rich and can do this and that and Subtley dosen’t exist in this story does it? Anyways, later, far away from Louie’s bed.. that’s the caption they go with and I love it, the Sunchaser suddenly stops working and Launchpad’s crashing skills come in handy,

This isn’t a bad scene as Donald brings up good points and likely has his own “times he’s been nearly sacrificed tally” like Louie.. and Della likely also said “Della’s coming out on top!” when her total went into triple digits. Also “When your rich you can even buy luck launchpad”

It just.. dosen’t fit Scrooge at all.. granted this issue hasn’t BEGUN to not fit Scrooge at all but let’s save that for the end. Anyways rather than hostile locals they find Gladys Seeya, good pun, an overly smiley woman whose eager to please and just wants everyone to be happy and has them carried because tired people aren’t happy. Yeah it’s suspcious as heck and a well worn trope, really nice place with a dark secret, to the point the series proper would parody it in the Mervana episode, and subvert it by having them turn out to just be very nice hippies who i’m still convinced had a three way with Donald... I mean he could use it, they were really nice, and Donald is probably very generous. That’s something you didn’t want to think about but now you have to and it’s there. If you GENUINELY think that’s bad, then you should hear about Goofy’s sex life.

See way more horrifying. Now everyone’s miserable! Horay! Moving on, point is Donald had a mer-three way and this is a well worn trope, but it is used in an interesting way.. that’s entirely ruined by the stupid ending, but we’ll get to that. Point is everyone is soon happy, given a buffet, all the food they can eat, and whatever they want. They just want you to be happy.. no secret plot here.. wink. Louie continues his annoying “Every rich person gets X” schtick which feels forced as hell and gets worse with every line and more obvious. It’s one of the weaknesses with this story. It’s basically the writers constantly elbowing you and saying GET IT.. YOU GET IT.. BEING HANDED EVERYTHING YOU WANT IS ANNOYING GET IT. YOU GET IT. The problem is.. the Island’s moral dosen’t fit that. Kev helped here as we discussed the issue once I finished it, as I hadn’t thought of it yet, but the valley isn’t about giving you everything you want.. it’s about just FORCING you to enjoy things. Sure you can be happy off some things like the food but when Donald politley declines to dance because he can’t, which tracks with his life in general, they basically all glare at him to do so. Later they basically force acvitites on them with the ducks only agreeing because clealry they worry about what might happen if they DON’T. Telling someone to smile or enjoy something dosen’t make them enjoy it it just makes them miserable. Problems are 1, the issue very clearly WANTS to have the other moral and 2) the series would do this kind of story MUCH better with “Mystery at McDuck Manor!”. That’s not on the writers fault, as this comic started right before the show premiered and this issue came out before said episode, but it really doesn’t help the show came along with the same exact moral of not forcing your idea of fun on someone else and did it WAY better. It’s the same message, the ducks being forced to endure something only one person thinks is fun, but delivered right and wrapped into a very clever and fun mystery. Honestly I might cover that one this week or sometime soon because it both fits the Halloween season and this issue if nothing else reminded me how good THAT episode is.

But I’m stuck doing this issue. Naturally, and in one of the issues few clever moments, the Ducks try booking it out of there as soon as they can but find their raft gone, and a ring of sharks suddenly there that weren’t before, and Donald understandably doesn’t want to risk the kids lives with that. Thankfully Webby soon comes up with a plan using the activities, and uses a napkin to get it around. This bit.. is actually clever as they use the various bits to get a plan and even Huey has a really clever bit where he just leaves his hat and shirt behind to go looking for the generator, likely on Webby’s request, knowing his brothers can just play him once in a while to draw suspicion. Also apparently Huey wears a tank top under his shirt, which looks weird on him, as he’s not the sporty type, but does fit his “always prepared” mindset well so I like it. Using Basket weaving and balloon decorating, they create a way out, and Webby ties up their host while everyone escapes. They nearly don’t fit out but luckily Donald contributes. And again i’ll give the story this: Donald does more in this one story than he got to do in the vast majority of season one. So our heroes escape with other patrons begging them to take them with them and the stories apparently wrapped up. The generator Huey found was to show the sharks were just holograms which given the science in this world makes sense, as does it jamming the sunchaser. What doesn’t make sense, and what got me my three bucks for this review in the first place is this. I”m putting the full picture there both so you can let it sink in and to let you know, since most of you probably haven’t read this comic, that i’m not making this shit up, nor is it one of my jokes. This .. this is the actual twist for the comic.

...................................................................................................

This is probably the thrird dumbest line in comic book history. Before you ask the other two are

And why yes those are both from the series. And why no I will not be covering All Star Batman and Robin unless someone forces me too. My point is WHAT THE FLYING HELL IS THIS. I mean this makes NO sense on any level. For STARTERS one of Scrooge’s most well known traits, that’s part of his character in every version is that he doesn’t like to spend money. He will to MAKE MONEY and sometimes grumble about it but if he doesn’t. Even if season 1 had it dialed way back, he still reused his old teabags, charged extra on his in house vending machines and tried to get out of buying burritos for recently freed slaves. Being cheap is an iconic part of his character. Granted the series took out things from the comics and original like underpaying employees, barely paying Donald even though in the comics he supports three children, as well as barely paying those children, and refusing to donate to orphans, but still it’s not THAT so far removed that THIS is remotely in character! He had to either buy this old resort or have it renovated to keep up the ruse, pay for the creepy lady running it, pay for the other guests as actors because otherwise his hired minion KIDNAPPED people who were begging for escape, pay for the activities/escape supplies, and pay gyro to build the GIANT GENERATOR THAT BOTH PROJECTS SHARKS AND MAKES TECHNLOGY NOT WORK. While I do think Scrooge would gladly want to teach Louie a lesson, this is a lesson that at best costs hundreds of thousands of dollars, if not at least a million to pull off. And that’s not even getting into how he forced everyone else to go with it, denied them a good night’s sleep and clearly told NONE of them. Beakly not being there actually makes more sense as she would’ve noped out of this horrible horrible idea and bonked him on the head for this. It makes no sense and it’s GROSSLY out of character. And while I’m used ot that from comics, writers often don’t give a shit about the characters their writing, I expect better from DISNEY when it comes to lisencing shit. They’ve done better. I’ve mentioned better and even SINCE this they’ve done better: Christos Gage’s Incredible’s Comics are excellent and I want to read more of them. And the previous run by mark waid is also suitably incredible, if now sadly no longer canon. And even in this very ISSUE there’s a much better, if not amazing, story we’ll get to in a moment. I get disney’s greenlit weak tie in material before but this is ridiculously bad and shoddy. Shame on them, shame on the writer, and shame on this INCREDIBLY stupid story. We get an everybody laughs ending, who cares. we’re out.

Final Thoughts for Happy Happy Valley:

I don’t have much less to say about this story. This about sums it up.

Fight!

We open with a samurai.. though it quickly turns out to be Dewey with a mop on his head hitting Louie with a broom while saying Two Damage! Two Damage! and already in one scene this is so much better and feels so much more natural. Naturally this story has a different writer. The artist is different for both too, and the art is good on both though I do prefer the art for “Fight!” more as it’s a bit more expressive. Though it also benefits from having less characters to juggle so that probably helps. The boys are having a Garage Sale, or Yard Sale as some call it. As a huge fan of Garage Sales, I’ve gotten tons of stuff from them over the years and good shit too like my G1 Snarl, or even just recently a three in one of the first three loud house Graphic Novels for a freaking quarter. You REALLY can’t beat that. It’s why I love these things. So this story already had my money. As for why, Huey needs money for the Junior Woodchuck Camping trip. How else is he going to hold hands iwth Violet and Boyd under a tree. Wait neither of them existed yet. Damn. Well i’m retconning that in anyway. If they can retcon the Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver not to be mutants, which If eel is getting undone VERY soon, or if not Hickman will use that well, I can retcon this to taking place in season 3. Plus i’ts all very wholesome and innocent... their only eleven.

But yeah Scrooge in a nice moment if an off-screen one gave them the contents of the broom closet.. which is really just a bunch of old used up brooms, some buckets and other cleaning supplies. Probably stuff Beakly rarely uses or has long replaced and if not.. well he’ll have to pay for them himself won’t he. Unlike the above clusterfuck this.. feels entirely in character. Scrooge likely apricates that Huey is working hard to EARN the money for his trip and that his brothers are helping, especially Louie since he gets nothing out of this unless they go over what Huey needs. But also being Scrooge he still only gives them some old Junk. But Louie, being louie easily scams a guy into paying 15 bucks for a broom. Still this is slow progress and if Huey wants to be with his poly relationship he’s gotta step it up. Luckily, and naturally given this is Scrooge’s closet, they find an old Samurai helmet, which Huey feels could be worth millions. granted...

But eh it’s going to a good cause, tiny children holding hands by campfires, and when has common decency EVER stopped Louie? Dewey though, wants to start a collection of war stuff.. starting with this. It’s part of why I LIKE the story better: not only does it have much better dialouge but it’s actually rooted in the characters instead of “One trait of Louie’s cranked up to 50 and drilled into our heads”. Huey is trying to earn money for the woodchucks, Dewey only wants something for petty reasons and Louie wants money. It feels like the actual characters and not just cutouts and makes me wnat to read more stories in the hopes of finding more like this. Anyways naturally nothing Scrooge has in any of his storage areas of the mansion tha’ts ancient isn’t cursed, magical or really neat to look at, and the helmet comes to life as they fight over it, and the helmet clints to Dewey, who talks in a deep red voice calling himself Ronnith of the Twin Samurai. The name.. isn’t great but the concept is. Thankfully Huey knows what it is thanks to the guidebook. and just like the Donald bit last episode this one story gets the guidebook better than season 1 did a lot. Turns out the twin samurai were two brothers who hated each other and always competed for their mothers affection.. their mother was also forced to sell her beautiful sculptures for next to nothing after their father left. Instead of going after him though they both blamed each other as teens when invaders struck and burned everything including their mom I guess down, and fought the rest of their days, and while Ronnith never settled things due to growing too old, his spirit, and his intense hate, went into his helmet which now curses any brothers who fight over it to fight with the looser turning into a statue.

Naturally no one wants this but Dewey can’t get the helmet off and Ronnith possess him to destroy the guidebook.. though Huey explains it’s his “third backup copy” which.. yeah again like the tank top thing tracks. Ronnith then manifests armor on Louie and we get the image above.. which is really neat. With Ronnith forcing the two to fight each other, Huey searches for a way to stop it. And while he can’t find it he does figure it out and the solution is REALLY clever: Just as Ronnith’s about to kill Louie, with Dewey apologizing.. Huey blocks. And Ronnith is naturally confused and upon finding out there’s a THIRD brother, the curse dissipates and thus everything’s back to normal. And wrapping things up nicely a guy shows up to buy the helmet and while Dewey tries to just give it away Louie says it’s free with purchase of a bucket for 50 bucks so Huey has his money to go on his romantic camping trip.. though he does ask if hte guy has a brother.. best be safe. Final thoughts on Fight!: It’s like night and day. While the previous story is stilted, has one of the worst endings in duck history and overall is just kind of bland outside of one or two moments this .. is really good. It doesn’t add much to the world or anything, but it’s a fun side story with a clever monster of the week and resolution, some great lines and some good art. This is what should’ve lead the issue, as the main story is again just dreadful. Overall i’d recommend checking this story out.. though maybe get in in trade instead as the A-Story here is really bad, but you can find both on comixology and this issues on comixlogy unlimited if you want to check it out along with a ton of other great comics.

That does it for this review, if you liked this I do regular coverage of ducktales every week, I JUST COVERED THIS WEEK’S EPISODE YESTERDAY. So check that out and until next time vote if you can and check your house for Gary Busey!

#ducktales #ducktales comics #reviews #scrooge mcduck #louie duck #donald duck #launchpad mcquack #huey duck #huelet #webby vanderquack #idw

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journal-of-an-outlaw · 4 years ago

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Price to be Paid - Chapter 33

Read on AO3 here

Dear Journal,

I always hate starting these things. Never know what to do to signify another passage starting when the ending of the other was just on the other side of the page. Be it days or months, the one thing that never changes is how close my last entry was. I guess this is to document my thoughts so that when I’m an old man I can look back and reflect on how life used to be. Most of the time I just draw something awful and leave a caption so when my eyes can’t see right anymore I’ll know what I was attempting to preserve. If I make it that far I’ll have plenty of stories to tell.

Anyways.

I know the last time things seemed to be doing well. I got married to a woman who changed me. Dutch had a plan to get us out. John and Abigail were getting along just fine, even little Jack was learning to hunt rabbits and small critters. But it all changed so quickly, where do I even begin…

The bank. I know that damned job was where everything went wrong. Micah and Dutch never stopped talking about it the whole time we were in Guarma so I couldn’t forget any detail even if I tried. And I did try. The first week stuck in that humid hell I was too angry to speak and drank myself into a stupor that would rival Reverend Swanson; alcohol helped me ignore the pain in my chest where my heart used to be. Maybe that’s why he drank. To forget. Everyone tried to talk to me but I wasn’t in a place to listen. They tried to tell me everything would work out, that she was alright and we just had to focus on one thing at a time. But that was bullshit. I just kept seeing Hosea get shot and my wife being carted away, and I was stuck helpless to do anything against it. I’ve never before realized that was my worst fear; watching from the outside as people I love get hurt.

The Pinkertons showed up too fast to not have known about it before but there was no way any of us would have ratted out the gang when we were so close to our goal, so close to leaving and putting behind us any thought of betrayal or being on the run any longer. I spent more than one night stuck on that island replaying it over and over but I couldn't make sense of it.

I should have been faster. I shouldn't have let Dutch separate us. As soon as that snake Milton yelled I knew we were done for.

I shouldn't call him that. I know I can come up with something worse. Technically he is my father in law, but he is the reason Hosea is dead and the woman I love is...gone. Who knows where he’s hidden her away. No wonder she never told me about that mess, I would have never believed someone so good and true was family with that vile man.

She probably thought I’d hate her for keeping the secret, but the truth is I couldn’t care any less. Sometimes you don’t get lucky enough to pick your family. I know that better than anyone.

Micah claims they planned it together, for her to distract her father long enough for us to escape, but I’m not too sure yet if I believe that. I saw the look in her eyes. Panic. Fear. Then that stubborn heroism that should have told me to drag her out with me no matter the cost. It was in the set of her mouth, and how her eyes narrowed enough to give away her thoughts. Just a few of the things I love so much about her. But in an instant she was gone. Locked eyes in the middle of the chaos was the only goodbye I got.

Losing Hosea was hard, to say the least. He was more of a father to me than Dutch was in all the ways that mattered. He taught me to swim and fish and how to read the leaves and stars at night. He taught me that waiting is sometimes the best strategy, and to never go anywhere without a good strong lie as to why you’re there. He was kindness and compassion, but also cleverness and hard edges when he needed to be. I looked up to him more than I knew and his absence will leave a painful hole that cannot be filled.

But my grief is nothing in comparison to Dutch’s. His...it’s like a pain he’s unwilling to admit is there. Like he’s afraid that acknowledging it will break the damn he’s built and everything will come crashing down. I worry what it means for him, for me, for all of us. Hosea was truly the angel sitting on Dutch’s shoulder.

I somehow made it out of Guarma and that whole mess alive. A boat took me back and I had the unfortunate luck to land in Van Horn. I must be getting old, my bones seem to have absorbed some of the exhaustion I’ve been feeling for nearly a month now. But I got myself a horse and should be back at Shady Belle tomorrow afternoon to whatever wreckage is left from my former life.

The thought of seeing my wife seemed to be the only thing getting me through the days since that cursed robbery. Her smile, the sound of her laugh, her soft hand in mine. I miss it, sometimes so much I am nearly brought to tears and in those moments I understand why Dutch doesn’t talk much about Hosea. Like watching the sunrise with burning eyes, sometimes the pain that comes with it makes you aware that it happened at all.

Part of me knows that what’s waiting for me at Shady Belle isn’t good news, but I can’t think about that just yet. Hope is the comforting shadow beside me.

I should have known better than to expect a good night’s sleep. My eyes were so blurry I mistook a tree for a man on the side of the road. Even my body knew that nothing is how it should have been.

Shady Belle was empty. Well, worse than that. It had echoes of the gang being there, our last hurrah as we rode out to the gates of victory so blind to what was about to happen. Cans littered around where we ate together, scuff marks all across the dirt from our boots, even a small pair that must have been Jack’s. The worst though was a carving I found on one of the poles of the front porch of my initials in a heart that she must have drawn without me knowing. I tried to etch it into my notebook but found I couldn't stand there for more than a few moments without the familiar pain of missing her taking over my senses. Maybe one day I won’t feel like I’m being ripped apart by all of these emotions.

Inside was empty. Nothing remained of the time we spent in those walls. I couldn't bring myself to check the room I had shared with YN for the fear of being entirely overwhelmed again. Instead I found a letter from Sadie Adler, a woman of many surprises, waiting for me in the living room. She must have known I would come back.

The quiet didn’t last too long before a couple of Pinkerton fools in the employment of Mr. Milton came around. From what I overheard they returned to Shady Belle every single day to see if we had returned but had no such luck. That meant two things; that the gang got away safely and the other’s from Guarma hadn’t come to the house. For a few moments at least my heart settled but that didn’t last long. These days it never did.

I rode straight to Lakay even though I despise the damp, disgusting heat of the swamps. My eagerness to see people I knew won over my hatred for the area. Eventually I found my way to a small village, if you’d even call it that, of buildings set up along the river bank. Time and humidity had worn away at any pride these homes must have held, the moss clinging to anything that needed to be filled back in. It was silent save for one man in the farthest hut chopping away at some type of meat.

Pearson for the first time in my life was a sight for sore eyes. Luckily Abigail was behind him and Sadie behind her so I was quickly welcomed with warm arms and a bowl of stew that was the finest I had ever tasted. There were questions, so many questions, but they held their tongues for the time being and let me settle into a bed for a few hours of sleep. Finally the exhaustion caught up with my body and I was overcome with aches and a cough, but that I ignored too.

Tilly, Uncle, Lenny, Karen, Sean, Mary Beth, Strauss, Molly, Charles, and everyone else was safe and hidden away. We were safe for the time being.

Micah and Javier arrived the next day with the same story. We all needed rest, but there were things to do. John had been captured and taken to Sisika. Abigail pulled me aside and asked about YN and I did my best to hide my pain, but she told me what happened after we got caught in the gunfire. She was taken somewhere north, or at least that’s where the wagon headed, and some man named Staten was her watcher. My blood nearly boiled, but Abigail calmed me down until the agony of losing her ripped me apart and I had to go sit on the dock before anyone else saw me. How am I to deal with this alone? I would give anything to have her back by my side again, father be hanged.

Not two days later a rain storm kept us inside, and set up the dramatic entrance for Dutch’s grand return. Things all broke loose. Abigail was yelling about John again, Micah on about something else. The man didn’t even have a chance to sit down before he was bombarded again. We raised a glass to Mrs. Adler for saving the gang in Dutch’s absence, her and Charles were the only reasons things continued on.

She found me staring at the water the next morning. I was sitting there, thinking of my wife, and Sadie must have known. She tried to talk about knowing loss and feeling my pain, but there’s no one in the world who knows what I’m going through. What we’re going through. My wife is somewhere I don’t know and I can do nothing about it. Every second of every day I feel like a failure for letting her down. I want to be there for Dutch as he needs the support, but I can’t help think that as time ticks on she’ll forget me and move on. Not sure what I’ll do if that happens.

Bill Williamson is a right fool. That night he came busting into the sleep house going on about how hard we were to find, saying he asked everyone he could find, and I knew trouble couldn't be too far behind. Only someone truly hoping to meet death walks into a nest of vipers. I had just finished my glass of whiskey when I heard her voice.

At first I thought I imagined it. There were plenty of times that the desperation in my mind had boiled long enough that her sweet tones called to me from somewhere just beyond my reach. At first I longed for them, for any gentle reminder that she was as real to me once as the glass currently in my hand. Then after a while they hurt to hear and the words got all jumbled together. Like she was farther away than ever. Like I needed reminding.

But sitting inside that house I heard her clear as a bell. Not the words she spoke, it was far too loud inside for that, but I could tell it was her. My heart knew too and started pounding in time with the rain hitting the roof. Dutch saw me and asked why I had frozen in place but Abigail had heard it too. She stood and stared at me, wondering what was taking me so damn long to move but it was like my legs had grown twice their weight. I finally got myself up and pushed through the sudden silence around me to stand at the door.

There she was again. She had to be real. But she sounded...off. Like something was wrong.

Calling for me, for us, or anyone. I was so full of terror I couldn’t breathe. But someone touched my shoulder and I came back to life, opening the door and finding my dream standing before me. Wide eyed and desperate, much like myself, but there was a warning in her eyes I couldn’t decipher from so far away. Her hands were up in the air shaking like a leaf. Her head shook slightly. I was overcome by a need to preserve this moment of reunion and committed her to memory for once she was back in my arms and I could draw her in this here journal. Honestly I can’t describe how I felt knowing she was at least alive. My heart wanted me to run to her and throw caution to the wind, but my gut told me something worse was lingering in the shadows with an alligator grin.

Just from looking at her I could tell Milton had damn near starved her for the dress she wore was much too large, hanging off her arms and shoulders. The blood was what cued me in. Rust red stains splattered the front and ice filled my veins at the realization of who’s ghosts she wore wrapped around her. That bastard Milton paraded her around in a costume like he was putting on a show, but I was done being a puppet.

Arthur Morgan was nobody’s fool.

Arthur.

His eyes were murderous but whether that was aimed at you or not remained unknown. The rapid thumping in your chest flooded into your ears as well but the words passing between you didn’t need to be spoken. You didn’t need to hear them to know what he would say.

Seeing Arthur after all that time was a breath of fresh air in a world that had been a dusty haze for the past month. It was awful and wonderful at the same time to be standing so close yet unable to move any closer. Your soul ached to return to its rightful place. The stress of standing there with the weight of all that had happened could be seen as your hands shook and your shoulders tensed and your heart broke all over again.

More light passed onto the muddy ground as the door behind Arthur opened and a few cautious faces moved out. Dutch. Abigail. Bill. Lenny. Charles. Sadie. Anger and confusion colored their expressions. You hoped they all could understand.

A strange feeling passed through you as you noticed Micah was nowhere to be found.

Arthur took in deep, heavy breaths as you held eye contact. Under any other circumstance standing beneath the stars in the dark of night would be almost romantic, especially with the twinkling fireflies blinking their messages all around you. But the rain and the tension crackling across the night like lightning changed that. In fact it changed everything.

The rain covered the sound of wagons rolling in and the footsteps of Pinkerton agents as they crept around the perimeter to trap the Van der Linde gang from escaping. The lightning bugs hid the glints of metal from the guns being raised and taking aim. And you, the queen of the chessboard, were meant to hold the outlaw’s attention as the plan slid into place around you. Your father had been almost gleeful explaining it to you and it made you sick.

“YN...what’s going on?”

Dutch held his hand out in front of his adopted brother but kept his eyes trained on you.

“Don’t say anything, Arthur. We don’t know what this is.”

A voice hissed behind you. The horrible reminder that you were not there of your own accord. You were not there to be rushed to safety, to explain and convince those you loved that you have never walked out those bank doors if you thought any harm would have befallen them.

“I…” The words faltered as they mingled with the falling rain. “I am here to...offer a deal on behalf of Cornwall Kerosene and Tar, the United States Government, and the Commonwealth of West Elizabeth.”

“A deal!” Dutch snorted. “And what would that be?”

Tears rolled down your cheeks at the thought of what had to come next. Only when your shoulders shook from the tension of holding them back did you look away from Arthur, praying to anyone who would listen for a way out of this.

“You have nowhere left to run.” The words were plain but landed like a slap in the face. Milton had prepared a lengthy monologue and you fought to remember all of it. “My father has chased you relentlessly and ultimately you will submit. There is a price big enough on your heads that bringing you in dead would still earn him a fortune. But there is dignity and pride in turning yourself over alive instead of ending up d-dead like that...fool Hosea Matthews.”

The hiss behind you continued as the people in front of you balked at your words. It hurt to know Milton was twisting the knife in but you held the weapon.

“If you come without a fight, you will all be allowed to live. If not, I can’t -”

“Allowed!” Dutch responded. “What is this, there’s no honor in this choice. I will not be commanded like some dog after what your father did to Hosea!”

This time the words hurt you and you answered with a flinch.

“Dutch, please,” you licked your lips, your eyes darting to Arthur. “You don’t have to fight! Everything will be alright, just listen to me -”

“Everything will be alright?” The leader repeated back. “I believe nothing of the sort. Mrs. Morgan, do you know what happens to folks like us who the law doesn’t see favorably? Who aren’t the shiny, golden children of society? They are hung like common street criminals and forgotten in the ashes of our history books. I refuse to fade away as an ink spot upon a page, I refuse to let others make my choices for me, and I refuse to listen to a bully who hides like a coward behind others! We demand to be more than that legacy fated for us by others. We demand our god given right that others only dream of, freedom!”

His speech was beautiful but it didn’t change the fact that mere feet behind you sat a Maxim gun, manned and ready to fire, if they didn’t listen to your pleas. Dutch’s pretty words did nothing to stir the rebellious spirit in your chest and instead caused more tears to run down your cheeks. The flare of his independence was bright, but that meant it couldn’t burn for much longer.

You weren’t the only one affected by Dutch. Behind you the men lying in wait rustled out of the bushes and crept up with their guns drawn, each footstep stringing tension across your shoulders.

“I was wrong about your father, YN.” Dutch drew in quick breaths at the sight of the ambush. “He’s not only a coward, but a fool too. You see, he’s underestimated us once again and that will lead to his demise. Now, boys! For Hosea!”

The world erupted in gunfire and smoke around you. At Dutch’s signal everyone hiding inside fired away at the agents planted around the swamp, yelling and filled with rage at the thought of revenging their beloved Hosea. Loss was a strong motivator, and as you clamped your hands over your ears you wondered how long the haze of distraction would last. The maxim gun fired continuous deafening rounds and all you could hear above the ringing in your ears were the screams of people you loved. Your knees sank into the mud as panic rippled across your skin.

Milton shouted behind you, commanding his men like he was trying to storm the gates of hell.

Dutch retreated into the cabin leading his rebel crew in a secret assault against the forces of perceived evil who had come to change his ways.

Where did you fit into all of this? What was your place and how did you go about getting there? Was your only hope to run and hope it would find you? It only took a moment to come to you. There was only one anchor in this hurricane and it was the same one you returned to time and time again.

Arthur Morgan.

As Dutch retreated Arthur hesitated to leave you behind. His eyes darted through the dark to try and find you while he ducked for safety. Terror clenched your heart and you screamed for him to get out of the line of fire, you would find him.

Forcing tension into your shaky limbs you knew you would regret it if you never even tried to get to him. The air above you was filled with shouts and raindrops and gunshots but nothing could distract you; this was your only shot and you would not throw it away. A door to your right swung open and light flooded the ground and you took off pumping your legs as hard as you could to cross the muddy ground getting closer and closer to your goal.

Breathe. You had to get to him, you were so close.

Behind you bodies hit the ground and you had no doubt that Arthur had taken most of them out. He had incredible aim in the worst of times, and this was definitely one of those. Even Dutch couldn’t rival him and after a few competitions no one else had bothered.

“YN! Over here!”

“Javier!”

You had never been so happy to see the dark haired man in your life. He grabbed your arm and pulled you inside, yanking you down to the floor immediately to avoid another spray of bullets from the gatling gun.

“What are you doing?”

“Trying to help!” You pleaded with him. “Someone needs to take out that gun, what can I do?”

“Stay down, Dutch has a plan!”

You both ducked to the floor as a window shattered above you.

“It better be quick, we can’t hold out for long!”

From outside one of the agents yelled above the chaos. “There’s too many of them, we have to retreat!”

“No!” Your father bellowed back. His voice was too close for comfort. “We do not back down, we have the power of the law on our side.”

“The power of the law ain’t fighting two of the best shots this side of the Mississippi, boss! We are!”

Javier let out a breath that sounded like a laugh and shook his head. “Mrs. Adler’s out there too now, won’t be long. Between her and Arthur I don’t think the Pinkerton’s stand a chance.” There was a pause as Javier eyed you warily. “Your father, that is.”

“Javier -”

But you couldn't finish your sentence as the back door flew open and someone called out to him. He nodded at you and crawled his way to the door to see why he was needed, leaving you alone to hide from the debris falling all around. As the door shut behind him, you caught a glimpse of red coat tails that looked awfully similar to what Micah usually wore.

More men were dying outside, you could hear the yells of defeat as the maxim gun came to a stop but you were running out of time. Something inside of you said the clock was ticking and you needed to move.

Breathe. In, out. Breathe.

“Where did she go?” Milton bellowed from outside. The bullets had stopped and the air felt deathly still. “Where did that bitch go?”

“Don’t you talk about my wife like that!” Your heart swelled at Arthur’s words.

It sounded like he was in the barn next door. If you could sneak without being caught this was your chance for a getaway. Perhaps the only one.

“Get out here now before I blow this whole place to hell! Turn yourselves in and die with nobility.”

Your eyes squeezed shut. Block him out, he’s bluffing. A ball of nerves formed in your stomach like a hard thing weighing you down and you fell to the wall for support as you gathered the courage to move again.

“Agent Milton, I believe this is where we part ways. You are alone and outnumbered, give it up.” Dutch answered.

“Never, Van der Linde. I am tasked with bringing you and the others in…” his voice tapered off as soft clicks rang out and you imagined from your hiding spot behind the wall everyone aiming in his direction,

“How about this,” the dark haired man suggested. “You and I can make a little trade. Me and my friends here will walk out of here safely and you will not pursue us if we give you something you want.”

A bark of laughter responded. Milton was not pleased with the child's play that interrupted his duty. “And what would I get out of this deal?”

“Your life?” Dutch shot back. “A chance to live another day? No?” There was a pause as Dutch walked forwards and you dared a peek out of a nearby bullet hole to observe the scene. “Maybe something a little more valuable. Your daughter for instance?”

Two rough hands suddenly grabbed your shoulders and yanked you upwards and you let out a cry of disbelief. They hadn’t made any noise walking up, or perhaps you were too trained on listening to the conversation outside to notice.

“Get your hands off of me!” You cried out at the same time Arthur yelled something from outside.

“Shut up, Princess Pinkerton. And walk.”

You should have known. Did the man who walked you down the aisle really have no regard for your life? Micah gave you a shove to move forward and you hesitated for only a moment. All you wanted was to help your family escape safely and to keep your father from enacting his twisted sense of justice. You wanted to feel safe and free, but there were too many obstacles holding you back. Was this really all your life would be?

With dirty hands you wiped your cheeks, squaring your shoulders and preparing to face him again. It wasn’t going to be easy. But there didn’t seem to be another choice.

“Dutch what in the hell are you playing at?”

Falling rain once again met your face as you walked out and took in the tense scene before you. Dutch, Arthur, Bill, and Charles all had their pistols focused on your father who in turn stared down his barrel at Dutch. The two men were everything the other despised, and you were caught in the middle.

“My daughter?” Milton still seemed shocked to see you. As if he hadn’t been the one to bring his own child to a gunfight and had simply found you there.

Arthur was held back by the iron grip of Charles as he habitually tried to come to you. The look of pure sorrow on his face broke your heart but there wasn’t enough time to think about yourself and how you felt. Soon he would be out of sight.

“That’s right. Take her, and the two of you leave and never come back to chase us around the country. Me and my friends will never cause another day of trouble for you and we all leave with our lives. Isn’t that what we want, after all? To live and go our own ways?”

It felt like he had slapped you across the face with his words. The fact that you were the bargaining chip was not lost as you stared down the man with newfound hatred.

“Don’t I get a say in any of this?” You snapped back. “Or am I unimportant enough to both of you that my value lies only in my silence?”

“Oh Mrs. Morgan,” Dutch chuckled darkly. “I have missed your temper. But today, my dear, is not the day to fight like it's your last. Be a good girl and run along with your father.”

Something in his tone made you hesitate, the hatred pausing for just a moment. Was there something else going on? Had he not abandoned you just quite yet? It was a glimmer of hope but that was all you could find so you held it close. He gave a slight nod in return.

“Fine. But I won’t forget this.”

Dutch’s gun slowly moved to take aim at your head and you caught your breath at the sight. He was filled to the brim with frustration and rage. But somewhere in his eye was a calm collection as he formed a plan.

“Now get out of here. Both of you. And don’t come back.”

Milton’s free arm shot out and gripped yours too tightly, his eyes still focused on the outlaws escaping of their own design before him. His men were all dead. There were two horses left to ride out and no wagon. He had truly and utterly lost but he refused to admit it.

Arthur’s eyes were dark as you tried to meet his but he wouldn't look at you. The flush in his cheeks gave away how worked up he was and you wondered if it was all too much and he had found his breaking point. You wouldn't blame him if he didn’t want you anymore, things were just so damn complicated. It hurt but his happiness came first.

Your father took a step backwards and dragged you with him and panic hit your stomach.

“Dutch…Dutch! Don’t let him do this,” the tears started no matter how much you tried to keep them in. “You don’t know what it’s like, please.”

The small group watched you with hard eyes of confusion and hesitation and you didn’t blame them. Sadie had a mean look to her, but that was probably from the heat of battle. Charles looked sad and your heart ached for your friend. Even Bill looked hesitant to send you off with Milton, but no one moved against Dutch. Something whispered to you this might be the last time you saw them.

You fought every step of the way but eventually Milton got you on a horse and tied the reins to his with a length of rope. Any last drops of hope were drained out of you at the sight of the others breaking away hurriedly. It was just Dutch, Arthur, Sadie, and Micah left that you could make out through your tears as your world fell apart.

“Stop crying, I can’t think,” Milton muttered harshly.

“Everything I love has been taken away from me, by you! And now I’m stuck with you again I think I have the right to be upset.”

“You have no right to anything,” he replied. “You are nothing in the eyes of anyone and that’s all you will be.”

The horses started moving and you looked behind you one last time. Without the rain the evening appeared softer; the firebugs had come out to blink to one another and the moss swung lazily around the canopy. Dutch had finally lowered his weapon but you noticed Arthur was gone from the group, no doubt off to chuck your wedding ring into the bayou and let the memory of you fade with the small metal object as it sank into the murky riverbed.

If only you could touch him, feel him, let him know that nothing was his fault and every mistake had been tallied in your name. Arthur had scrubbed his slate clean in your eyes, it was time he saw that too. You missed him more with each step your horse took away.

It was torture to to ride on with your father as emotions swirled all around you. He pushed the horses at a fast trot to leave the swamps as quickly as possible, paranoia creeping up on him like the sounds of crickets at his back. You could no longer hold back the sobs that shook your body. Sorrow at losing everyone again. Nerves about going back to being a prisoner. Utter and complete heartbreak at the thought of Arthur hating your every fiber. It was all too much. How could one person cope with this much feeling?

“I ever tell you why I joined the Pinkertons in the first place?”

Milton’s voice caught you off guard and interrupted your sorrow.

“N-no, and I don’t care -”

“I joined,” he continued on. “Because I wanted to put order where there was only chaos. The Pinkertons were a respectable organization I could put myself behind, gain respect myself and do something worthwhile for society. We left Boston after your brother...died and I couldn’t stand the pain. My work eventually came second to drinking and I knew then that was my lowest point.”

“But you kept drinking, you still do,” the thought of stale whiskey making you shiver.

“Since you ran off I haven't touched a drop. You see, in the past I myself was the chaos and I needed order to save me. Our family was broken but I couldn't look past my own pain to see that you both needed me instead of the shell of a man I was parading around as. Your mother is a good woman and pulled me up when I needed it. She packed us up and moved us out all on her own. I was simply a shell.” You had never heard your father talk like this and wondered what brought about the nostalgia. It was strange to hear about a time you dreamed so often of but in reality knew nothing about. He looked softer as he spoke. “I never wanted to be like that again. Yes, I still drank to forget but I was finally in control where I belonged. We had a good house, in a good town. I had a good wife and a good daughter. Only when that bastard Van der Linde moved in did you start to get reckless, going to town with that dark haired woman and forgetting where you came from. It didn’t take me long to realize you were the only thing left I had to steer away from chaos. My little girl.”

His honey-covered words were hiding something but you couldn’t figure out what it was. The way he spoke of chaos and control sounded religious; he truly meant to save others the same way he found for himself. You sat in silence for a moment before thinking of something to say.

“I’m not your little girl anymore,” your voice remained steady. “To be honest I’m not sure I ever was. Growing up with a daddy who drinks and hits you takes away any kindness he offers and twists it into something evil.”

“You see what I mean?” Milton’s temper flared for a moment and he carefully brought it back in. “All of them, they turned you away from what’s right. They worship savagery.”

“These aren’t things that changed because I met them, they were always wrong! Do you really not see that?”

Milton hesitated before answering. “The life you lived there wasn’t...These people are just playing pretend. They have no sense of contributing to something larger than themselves and it’s so small minded, you were raised to know better than that.”

“Maybe I don’t want to contribute to something,” you muttered. “Maybe I just want to know what it is to not live bound to any rules other than what I need. I’ve seen your justice, father, and I don’t want any part of it.”

Weariness slipped into your bones at the conversation. It was the longest you two had spoken in months, almost a year, and his blind passion did nothing to sway your feelings towards the Pinkertons.

“I’m sure you’ll change your tune. Your mother is too.”

Your head shot up at that. “Mother knows what you’ve done? And she agrees?”

Before he had a chance to answer, a horse came thundering up the road behind you. Squinting through the evening fog you couldn’t make out the rider but had a feeling in your heart that it was someone you knew. They drew closer and with each passing second you grew more anxious. Your father pulled out his pistol and kicked the horses faster.

“Milton!” A feeling of relief washed over you at the sound of the voice. “You ain’t going anywhere with her. Give it up!”

“Arthur!”

The hose below you let out a nervous whinny. It struggled against you pusining to turn with your legs and the yanking from the rope as your father pressed it to go faster than before. You were desperate to get to your husband but it was nearly impossible with no control and you wanted to cry out in frustration.

“Get back, Mr. Morgan. We had a deal but I’m not surprised you snakes went back on it,” your father spit, looking back. “You’ll get nowhere with this stunt.”

“Stop, please stop!” You begged. Arthur was gaining closer with every second.

Milton spun around to check on the pursuer’s progress and the look on his face was murderous. Rage flushed his face and the pressure to flee made the veins in his forehead stand out at a horrifying attention. He paid you no attention as he kicked his horse again.

With less than ten feet between you Arthur kept one hand tightly on the reins and held the other out to you, reaching as far as he could to try and bring you to him. As if on its own, your arm stretched to try and meet his fingertips. You held on to the saddle horn and tried to ignore the sounds of protest coming from your father that drove the horses on somehow.

“Just a bit more, darlin’. I got you. Don’t be afraid!”

“I’m not, I’m not!”

The sound was bordering hysterical. The distance between you was all you had to overcome and then you would be safe and home in Arthur’s arms again. Your heartbeat matched the echoing of hooves around you at the thought of making it to Arthur and simultaneously what would happen if you didn’t.

His blue eyes held yours with no malice and your own fears melted away momentarily. For a month you had been kept apart, by Dutch, by your father. It was time to end all of that.

Just as your hands brushed one another in their first reunion Milton screamed and whipped around to face the two of you.

“Enough! I’ve had enough of this!” The pistol in his free hand raised to take aim at the moving target. “Leave us now or die!”

“No!” You screamed, moving in front of Arthur as best you could to shield him. “Father stop!”

“Milton put the gun down!” Arthur’s voice was low and hard, anxiety weaving its way through at the thought of either of you getting hurt. By now he had a firm grasp on your wrist and the pressure of his hand on you gave you strength. Your mind ran wild trying to think of a way to get out of this alive.

But there simply wasn’t enough time.

The missing heat from Arthur’s fingers registered at the same time as your scream ripped through the muggy air. You clawed at the empty space next to you and watched in horror as a red stain blossomed across Arthur’s shoulder beneath his hand. He looked up almost bewildered.

“Arthur! Arthur no!”

You twisted out of the saddle and fell to the ground with a hard thump. The impact hurt but you pushed it aside. You had to get to Arthur.

Milton stayed silent but circled back around. You ignored him and ran, if you could get far enough you could both still get away. But hope slipped out of your grasp as he came closer.

The shot hit him right in the shoulder and he was bleeding. A lot. Harsh, ragged breaths pulled in and out of Arthur’s chest as he applied shaky pressure to the wound and cursed in agony. You knew there was no way he could ride both of you in that state.

“How could you!” You screamed at your approaching father. “That is my husband you just tried to kill!”

“Milton -”

“Enough of this foolishness!” Milton shouted, spit flying in his desperation and rage. “I will not have you acting like a child any longer. This ain’t over Morgan. You tell Van der Linde -”

“YN -”

“We’re not leaving him! He could die!” Milton gave you a pointed look. Anger bubbled up inside of you. “No, I refuse to go with you.”

“You don’t have a choice. If he dies no one will come after us and you will stay with me. If not,” your father shrugged. “I’ll kill him later.”

Just as you went to join Arthur, Milton grabbed your arm. You struggled and pulled to no avail. He was stronger and dragged you further and further from your husband who held himself up precociously, blood covering his chest.

“I said enough!” Your father yanked you one last time and looked down at you with rage and a hint of pity in his eyes. “You clearly need to be reigned in more than I thought.”

A blinding pain exploded on your right temple and radiated down your neck. Arthur cried out but the sound was lost as your father brought the flat end of his pistol down, hammering it into your temple to knock you out. Unfortunately it worked; you couldn't fight him anymore and Arthur was all but dead if no one knew where he was to help him.

Your last fleeting thought before losing consciousness was that this had to end. The chasing, the fighting, the pain of losing good people who didn’t deserve their fate. It was time to take back the control others had over you and set everything right that had toppled into chaos around you. In a twisted sense your father’s words about disorder and structure were true. Just not in the way he wanted.

You were no one’s pawn and never would be again.

#rdr2 #Red Dead Redemption #fanfic #price to be paid #chapter 33 #I don't think I posted 32?#oh well

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vintage-story-time · 4 years ago

Text

Her Mother's Lover

Chapter 1

Charisse Mantell was more voluptuous than the average teen-age girl, and

at eighteen, she liked to pretend she had a worldliness and knowledge

about sex which she really didn't have at all. As a matter of fact, she

knew less about the sexual relationships between men and women than the

average girl. Her mother was a famous singing star on television and the

plush nightclub circuits of Las Vegas, New York, London and Acapulco,

but had kept her lushly developing daughter safely stashed away in

expensive private schools. Although Minna Mantell was a talented and

voluptuous beauty herself, she was at the age where a fresh, sexually

budding daughter might prove to be competition . . . competition that

would show up her own somewhat fuck-worn tits and ass.

In the exclusive private school, Greystone, where she was now, she found

that being the daughter of a celebrity made the other girls look up to

her. After all, the daughter of the famous Minna Mantell, TV and

nightclub star - a beautiful, if somewhat tarnished, figure of glamour,

a pet of the international jet set and adored by her faithful fans.

After a while however, Charisse found that her natural shyness was

mistaken for stand- offishness and that her former friends ignored her

to the extent of pointedly not inviting her to their parties or sorority

affairs.

Her mother had often told her that even as the daughter of a famous

woman, she would encounter plenty of jealousy and envy, and that she

would be very foolish to let that sort of thing throw her. For some

strange reason, she had always been closer to her mother, felt proud to

be the daughter of Minna Mantell. So Charisse tried to "cultivate her

cool," In spite of the other girls' snubs. But in her heart she was very

hurt.

She would actually see a group of girls hurriedly change the subject of

their whispered conversation when she approached, and knew they must

have been talking about her or her mother. As she went upstairs to

study, she heard what surely was a dirty remark about her, to judge from

the peals of mocking laughter that followed her to her dormitory room.

She mentally resolved that "he who laughs last, laughs best' - and that

she would one day have the last laugh over these bitches.

The girl who seemed to hate her the most was actually her next door dorm

neighbor, a rather mean, but physically attractive seventeen-year-old

girl named Debby.

Debby's room seemed to he some sort of magnet for the other girls in

Greystone and they would gather there very frequently like a flock of

gaily chatting birds. And, as much as Charisse tried to deny it to

herself, she was secretly hurt that she wasn't asked to be one of the

group. It was just all that phony sophistication and woman of the world

airs that Debby affected that attracted the other girls, she kept

telling herself. Finally, one weekend, she heard them laughing and

giggling in Debby's room and made up her mind to find out what it was

all about. Even though there was a sinking sensation in her stomach as

she did so, she casually opened the door and entered.

As the girls saw who it was, the gaiety seemed to die down, and she was

greeted by furtive and somewhat resentful looks.

"Just what can we do for you, Miss Mantell?" Debby asked her. "Or did

you open the door to the wrong room by mistake?"

Charisse's heart skipped a beat and she flushed in embarrassment as she

replied, "No, I just thought I'd join the fun . . "

There was a sharp intake of breaths, then a hushed silence and then

Debby spoke.

"Come right in, maybe you can fill us in on details about . . show

business that we were discussing. After all, your mother is the fabulous

Minna Mantell, superstar of TV, nightclubs, and all that jazz."

Charisse walked into the room hesitantly and saw that there were little

knots of girls all over. Some were on the bed, some were on the easy

chairs and others even sprawled on the rug. As Charisse found a place to

sit on the sofa, the gay girlish gossiping and hysterical shrieks of

laughter began again.

"Please don't feel that I'm intruding," Charisse said to Debby, "but I'm

really at rather loose ends this afternoon, and you all sound like

you're having such a lot of fun . . . " her voice trailed off. She

flushed under Debby's sharp mocking gaze.

"By the way," Debby said slyly, "we were just discussing the sex life of

some popular show biz personalities - or don't you think that people

like Frank Sinatra or Robert Goulet or . . . Minna Mantell indulge in

that pastime?"

Charisse flushed and her lips trembled as she tried to reply

nonchalantly, "Oh I've heard a thing or two."

Debby pressed her advantage. "How about giving out with some of the dirt

about your mother? After all, you've sort of got the inside track."

Charisse kept silent as Debby continued her clever taunting. "Well,

we're all waiting breathlessly to hear something right from the horse's

mouth, as it were. Or would the opening at the other end of the horse be

more suitable to the subject of Minna Mantell's private occupations?" As

Charisse pressed her lips together and tried to keep the tears from

filling her eyes, Debby added, "I've got a little scrap book here that

mentions her." She opened a book filled with news clippings. "Here's

something juicy - "Hot Love on the Big Networks" - Mmmmm . . . 'Is a

certain famous TV star about to have her option dropped because she

drops her panties too much?"'

"So what?" Charisse said grimly.

"So the rest of the article is all about Minna Mantell's love life, her

husband's affairs, and some really swinging sex, marijuana, and LSD

shenanigans. Really, you must have such an exciting time at home! It's a

shame we can't get you to tell us about it."

"How can you even read such cheap gossip sheets? They should be banned

from the newsstands!" Charisse burst out. "My mother says everyone in

the public eye is besmirched by those scandal sheets!"

"Look here," Debby said, thrusting her scrap book into Charisse's hands,

just see if this guy doesn't know what he's talking about. For just an

idle gossiper, he seems to know an awful lot about your mother and your

father. You're not mentioned - yet."

Charisse didn't want to look at the scrap book, yet the pictures of her

mother with some slick young men captioned "Minna's Latest" or "Handsome

Remedy for Singer's Sore Throat" held her gaze hypnotically. The stories

were about love affairs, secret trysts, sex-swapping parties at her

mother's New York penthouse, the young girls her father consoled himself

with and other sexy tidbits. Charisse knew that it couldn't possibly be

true. The parties she had seen at her mother's apartment never had

anything more exciting than spilling a cocktail occasionally.

"I don't know where you got all this dirt," Charisse said angrily, "but

I can assure you that's all it is - just a bunch of low down dirt, made

up by a second rate gossip columnist looking for filler! Now I think

I'll go to my room. I think I want to play my mother's latest record

album to get the smell of your scrap book out of my nose!"

"Really, Miss Haughty?" Debby asked slyly. "Since we come from such a

bunch of blue bloods, I guess you wouldn't be interested in some other

choice bits about your darling mother?"

"I don't know why you're picking on me like this," Charisse said, with a

hint of a sob in her voice. "If you don't want my company I'll leave

right now!"

"Oh, no," Debby replied with a sardonic grin, "we'd just love to have

you stay. Our parents live such dull lives compared to yours. We're so

unsophisticated - why don't you wise us up?"

Charisse knew that Debby was trying to embarrass her in front of the

other girls.

"I just ignore cheap slander, wherever it comes from," Charisse said,

looking pointedly at Debby, "and now if you'll excuse me, I think I'll

go and play those records in my own room!"

But Debby grasped her by the arm as she made her way to the door. "Oh,

I've got lots of other interesting scraps on your mother, Charisse. I

used to be a fan of hers."

Turning to another girl called Sally, she said, "Get me the rest of my

scrap books from the closet and we'll see who's slandering whom. Your

mamma really must be quite a babe with the boys, and you don't even want

to tell us anything about her technique of getting men. That's really

all we want from you, some pointers on what makes Minna such a

successful sexpot."

With this, she flung the scrap books the other girl handed her right at

Charisse's feet. They opened to show pictures of her mother in various

poses and escapades, including a certain nude bathing episode in the

fountain of London's Trafalgar Square.

Charisse ignored the pictures and made to leave the room. She was

actually on the verge of tears and couldn't understand what had brought

on this attack on her and her mother. She had only tried to be friendly.

Why was Debby so intent on torturing her and demeaning her in front of

the others.

"Pick those books of mine off the floor, and read those stories real

good. Maybe you'll thank me for giving you the best education you ever

got at good old Greystone," Debby ordered.

Charisse couldn't believe that this was happening to her, or that the

other girls would go along with this hazing.

"I don't think anybody would like it much if Miss Finchly heard what the

girls in her class were trying to pull," she quavered with tears in her

eyes.

"I don't think you would like it much if we really did a job on your

whore of a mother and plastered this stuff all over the school," Debby

answered. "Believe me, every girl here will make you sorry that you were

ever born if you even think of squealing to the headmistress."

Charisse felt that Debby was dead serious and would really carry out her

threats. Maybe the best thing would be to play along and then get out as

quickly and as gracefully as possible.

"Okay," Debby said viciously, "now read us a few bedtime stories, and I

do mean "bedtime" stories about your old folks at home. And speak up,

I'm hard of hearing."

Charisse flipped the pages of the scrap book unbelievingly. Finally she

began to read in a whisper, "I need to have my men big - all over, says

songbird Minna Mantell . . . "

She was interrupted with a high pitched squeal of laughter from one of

the group, but continued reading with a kind of fascinated horror. "'I

believe love is where you find it, says Minna Mantell on Rome's famed

Via Veneto. Could it be that the handsome young Italian accompanying her

agreed with her back in her hotel room?"' Charisse saw a picture of an

oily, gigolo-type leading her mother's poodle, while her mother looked

up at him in obvious admiration.

"You girls don't understand," Charisse said, "these things are just for

publicity, just a press agent's idea. Why, my mother would never do

anything of the kind!"

"Oh, no!" mocked Debby. "Not in a million years - but do read on, it's

all so interesting, even if it is just a press agent's story. Some of

them sound like a press agent's nightmare, if you ask me!"

Charisse bit her lip and said nothing. She realized that she was being

persecuted, and just because she was her mother's daughter. Her mother

had told her there would be days like this, but Charisse would never

have believed her classmates could be so mean and hurtful.

Taking another scrapbook in her hands, Charisse saw her mother

practically bare-chested in a see-through evening gown, obviously drunk,

with a man who certainly wasn't her husband. She dimly remembered also

seeing this man apparently coming from her mother's bedroom one night

when he was a weekend guest, but her mother had just been amused by

Charisse's questions at the time.

Almost hysterically, Charisse leafed through page after page of the

scrapbooks. Why, these stories made her mother out to be the giddiest

type of gadabout - a celebrity who gave sex so freely that she was

notorious for it. And her father, according to these clippings, was a

weak nincompoop who was always shooing handsome young strangers out of

his steaming marriage bed. But no matter how he tried, her mother

managed to keep the bed sheets hot. And all the stories about her

parents were in the same vein. Her mother seemed the biggest tramp and

her father the biggest dope in the entertainment world.

Rather sadly, she said, "I'd like to leave, I've seen all the

scrapbooks."

She was so obviously hurt that none of the girls laughed or said

anything, except Debby, who couldn't resist pitching one last dart into

Charisse's sensitive skin.

"Hope you enjoyed our little get-together and liked my picture books. By

the way," she added, "do you suppose you could get your mother and some

of her boyfriends to autograph my scrap books? That would make them

really interesting!"

Keeping back her tears, Charisse walked into her own room, holding her

head proudly. As she closed the door behind her, she flung herself down

on the bed and let the tears come. How could they rub her nose in the

filthy offal of the gossip columns? How could girls be so cruel?

Especially when she knew that none of it could be true. Even the most

innocent action could be distorted as to make it seem evil by these

gossip sheets. Her mother had assured her of that. But why had her

mother always gone to such pains to get her to believe that there would

be false gossip about her?

Having found that her mother was the soft spot in her armor, the girls

in her section of the dorm became quite sadistic. There would be sly

questions, like "What does your mother advise putting on a broken

cherry?,' flung at her in passing. But she realized that if she answered

this sort of torture, there would be no end to it. So she just kept

quiet and made believe she didn't hear a thing.

Debby, as usual, was the worst. Since she had the room right next to

Charisse's, she developed the habit of barging right in. Somehow she

almost always seemed to come in when Charisse was undressing and clad

only in panties and bra. Once it was without the bra and Debby had

looked fixedly at her voluptuous breasts and hadn't made any of her

usual remarks about Charisse's mother.

"What a pair of titties!" she said in a rather surprised tone of voice.

She left the room when Charisse hurriedly closed the bathroom door.

A new idea had been forming in Charisse's mind under the constant

pressure of all the teasing she was taking from the others. She would

just pack it in, leave Greystone Finishing School. She would go back to

her mother, tell her what had happened and just look for a job. Maybe

she could even become her mother's secretary. It would be fun traveling

with her mother from one engagement to another. She could really see the

world.

She made up her mind that she would take French leave from the school

this coming weekend. She would say she was going into the meadow for

nature study notes and they wouldn't even bother to look for her. By the

time they missed her at bedcheck, she would have almost arrived at the

penthouse in New York. Central Park would look good to her from the

seventeenth story of the luxury apartment. Much better than Miss

Finchley's school up in the farthest reaches of Westchester County.

She was nervous when she told the biology teacher she was going to spend

the day in nature study, but when she was finally away from Greystone,

she felt much better. She liked her bio teacher, and felt sorry if she

would get into trouble over Charisse's disappearance.

It was a cloudy day, and a bone-chilling dampness made her hurry along

to the railroad station. Some of the town's swingers, young men on the

make, always used to watch in town for the girls from Greystone.

Charisse knew that some of the girls had let themselves get picked up

for beer drinking parties at a nearby bar and discotheque, but felt it

was really none of her business. She herself had gotten more than one

off-color invitation to join them, but now they no longer bothered her.

Her figure had really matured more voluptuously than she herself

realized. With her miniskirt tight around her shapely asscheeks, her

full titties jouncing joyously with every step in her loose bra and

tight sweater, she was a real hard-on producer whenever she passed a

group of men. Her asscheeks jiggling, her tits full and inviting, long

auburn tresses, blue eyes and a lightly freckled skin that was

startlingly white - all these sexy attributes really raised the steam in

any and all observing males. Her lush, wanton figure coupled with her

girlish naivet raised cocks wherever she passed.

She knew she was exciting the group of young street corner loungers as

she passed them - maybe she even gave her hips an extra twitch.

"Mmmmm. Wouldn't that be a nice piece of ass to ram"

"Wow, her nipples are bigger than most girls' tits!"

She heard these and other comments on her physical attributes with a

slight inward shudder. If some of these so-called swingers wanted to get

to first base with her, they'd have to take a bath first. They looked as

oily and as filthy as they sounded. While she was still a virgin, she

remembered how in the hygiene class the male and female sex organs had

been carefully described by the somewhat mannish Miss Tuttle. She had

made them all squirm as she described the foreskin on the male penis,

and the smelly, cheesy deposits which accumulated under if soap and

water weren't used regularly. She tittered to herself as she thought

every penis and foreskin in the corner could probably stand a thorough

washing. And she'd like to see her sadistic friend Debby forced to do

the penis cleanup.

Some other girls soon drew the group's attention and she hurried on to

the station. She looked behind her just to make sure that none of the

girls spotted her heading for the train. It would just be too ironic to

have the Greystone administration stop her at this stage of the game.

She was really sick of the place and all those giggling tormentors. She

knew her mother would tell her that those papers were all lies. She

would be her mother's secretary and go all over the world with her,

glorying in her singing triumphs. Somehow, she couldn't picture her

father doing much of anything, really being in the picture with them. To

her inmost self, she admitted that he was a well-meaning man, but a

weakling for whom she had no respect. Her mother was the strong vital

force of the family.

She waited impatiently for her train to come. She only had about a

fifteen minute wait, but it seemed like hours. The ride to Grand Central

took two hours, and all the way down she tried to picture the reaction

of her parents at her sudden appearance in town in the middle of the

term. Her father, like all weak people, was conventional, a square, and

would probably insist on her going back to that prison of a school. Why,

now that she thought of it, even its name "Greystone" had that

penitentiary sound. But her darling mother was different, she knew she'd

be glad to see her "baby" as she called Charisse. She knew she would

listen sympathetically to her story and maybe she would even start

training her for the position of her secretary right away. She would

tell her mother about the gossip columns and wanted to hear her mother's

throaty contralto laughing and telling her to pay them no mind. And now

that she was older, and would probably be living at home with her

parents, she could certainly spot anything that wasn't right. She wasn't

a child anymore.

The train finally pulled into Grand Central at six p.m. and Charisse

felt like a coward as she went into a phone booth. She really dreaded

telling either of her parents what she had done; they thought she was

such a dutiful girl. When the phone rang, there was no answer. Charisse

breathed a sigh of relief. They had probably gone out to dinner and

would make things easier. The doorman would let her into the apartment,

and she could be sitting in the living room when they returned. She

hoped it was a good dinner, because then at least they would be in a

good mood.

She dozed off on the couch while waiting for them to come home. She just

didn't know how she was going to explain things, but decided play it by

ear. It seemed as if only a moment had passed and she awakened to the

sound of her mother's voice practically screaming in surprise.

"Charisse, baby, what are you doing home when you're supposed to be in

school? Is anything wrong?"

Taking a deep breath, she told them there was nothing for them to worry

about and that she was perfectly all right. But, she told them,

Greystone Finishing School was just an impossible place and she couldn't

stand the other girls' catty snobbiness another day. If they sent her

back, she'd just run away, and maybe go to Chicago or Los Angeles and

look for a job.

Her father stopped her short.

"School is the only place for a girl of your age, and you'll just have

to go back. Why, Greystone is one of the most exclusive schools in the

country and you have no idea of the strings I had to pull to get you in.

I know better than you what's best, and back to school you're going in

the morning. I'll probably be hearing from the headmistress any minute

now and I'm going to tell her you'll be there tomorrow morning!"

Charisse realized with a sick feeling at the pit of her stomach that for

some reason her father didn't want her at home, that she was just a

pesky kid who was going to be in the way.

Then Minna came to her rescue.

"Oh, Charles," she exclaimed, "you're being too hard on the child: Let's

hear her out. That's only fair, and maybe she shouldn't go back if she

hates it so much."

Turning to Charisse she said, "But you must realize dear, that my

singing schedules and your father's TV production business just doesn't

give us much time to spend with you."

"But Mother, you always said You needed a confidential secretary - and

who could be more confidential than me, and I'd just love the job,"

Charisse interrupted. "I'd be the best secretary you could possibly

have!"

"Young lady-" her father began, but Minna shut him up.

"I'll tell you what we'll do, baby. I'll call the headmistress at school

tomorrow and explain that you're not feeling well and that's why you

left. We'll get you a leave of absence and you can stay here while

mother and dad figure out the best thing to do," Minna smiled at

Charisse.

"Who knows, maybe it would be best for you to be my confidential

secretary. The idea has its good points!"

Charisse flung her arms around her mother and hugged her so tightly that

Minna told her to let up a little, she couldn't breathe. It was the

maid's night out, so Minna took Charisse into the kitchen and made her a

tuna sandwich and milk.

"Get to bed early, Charisse dear," Minna said. "Tomorrow's another day

and our problems will look a lot simpler then."

As she snuggled into her own bed that night, Charisse felt she had done

the right thing in leaving Greystone. When her beautiful mother was

around, she felt warm and comfortable; her mother was strong enough and

capable enough to set everything right. Those cheap gossip columnists

with all their dirty pictures and obscene insinuations could never make

her believe that her mother was immoral. Seeing was believing and she

had never seen her mother in a single immoral action in all her life.

But her father was a weak man, and as a TV producer, he surely met up

with a lot of temptations - girls who would do anything for a break on

one of his TV shows.

#Her Mother's Lover #Chapter 1

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miracul0us-multishipper · 5 years ago

Text

My idea what could happen in Felix

Everything was as he remembered it. No piece of furniture had moved in the last year, not even a new picture decorated the stern grey walls. This house was just like the man it belonged to: cold, serious, stagnant.

Yet, when Felix stepped over the threshold behind his mother, there was a tingle of anticipation in the air that hadn’t been there the last time he had visited.

The Agreste Mansion might look unchanged, but the household it harbored was certainly not. And with all the factors leading up to this day, Felix sensed potential.

Change number one: Aunt Emelie was no longer here. He had not been able to find confirmation on her death, but it was irrelevant anyway. She was out of the picture for now, which meant no more suspicious eyes on him, and no more watchful supervision of his interactions with Adrien. Gabriel Agreste, he knew for sure, did not care about his son in the slightest as long as he was within the confines of his home.

Change Number two: Natalie Sancœur, his other watchdog, had greater things to worry about. Whether it was the mysterious illness that was just too similar to Emilie’s to be a coincidence, or having to hide her scandalous infatuation with her employer, she would not be able to keep track of him if he was careful.

Change number three: Ladybug had been in this house. Two times at least, maybe more often in secret.

Felix could almost see her, as if this soulless mansion had memorized her, as if her mere presence had left traces only he could sense. A red glow of life amidst the mausoleum Agreste called his home. A piece of art in this tasteless temple of wasted potential.

Truly, a goddess in the over-pompous shag of a self-important fool. He couldn’t fault Agreste for never leaving the house: the man should be too ashamed to even look into a mirror. If it hadn’t been for his lack of time, Felix could have come to Paris months ago already. Thanks to him, Felix had wasted precious time pacing around in his home.

“Good afternoon, Uncle.” he greeted the collective disappointment of the fashion world with a smile. “It is a pleasure to meet you again. I hope you have been well.”

It would be too much to hope that he had caught the mysterious illness as well, wouldn’t it?

Gabriel Agreste eyed him with a subtle approval - despite not being related by blood, they were both formal speakers, even with family. Then the old man awarded him with a nod, before moving on to exchange pleasantries with his mother. His usual mistake. He was so far less observant than his wife had been. She had loved Felix, he supposed, the way she would have loved any family member. But oh, she had been clever enough not to trust him. He’d never been alone with Adrien, her sheltered little darling, for more than a few minutes before she would check on them. Manipulating his all too trusting cousin had been impossible, or at least not profitable as long as Emilie had been there to foil his schemes. But she wasn’t here, now.

And Gabriel’s dismissal of Felix was a guarantee that no one would pay any attention if he wanted to spend some time with his dear cousin.

Perfect.

As his mother and Gabriel continued their conversation, he casually wandered to the stairs. Slipping into Adrien’s room used to be a lot harder, the last time. Just as the rest of the house, this room hadn’t changed a bit. The same bed sheets, the same books in the shelves, the same carpets on the floor.

The only difference was his computer. Felix stiffened when he saw that it was turned on and displayed a familiar figure. Ladybug beamed at him from every monitor, radiant even as a mere picture. He came closer.

At home, he’d spent hours rummaging through the Internet and news channels to find pictures of her, to the point where he was positive he had seen every photography there was of her. But he’d never seen this one.

Where did you get this, Adrien?

A scoff escapes him. Of course Adrien would happen to have pictures nobody else had of the red masked idol. He just was that lucky. Had always been. Well, not anymore. Now that Felix was back in Paris, he’d make sure that he, the far more worthy cousin, would receive Ladybug’s favor. For now though, Felix had to have this picture!

He moved to the keyboard to send it to his phone, when a cough let him freeze.

“Felix”, Adrien greeted him coldly. “You are early.”

Oh, right. He had completely forgotten about him.

“Adrien!”, Felix turned around to his cousin, a bright smile on his face. “I convinced Mother to leave a little sooner so we would arrive before nightfall. It’s been so long, hasn’t it?”

Adrien’s sour face relaxed for a moment, before returning to wary.

“Not that long.”

Polite for “not long enough”. He had to get onto Adrien’s good side again if he wanted to succeed.

“It felt like ages to me.”, Felix kept up his cheerful tone. “I’ve been so bored this year. Remember how much fun we used to have?”

Adrien’s eyes narrowed.

“The last time you were here, you tricked me into ruining my fathers designs. He didn’t speak to me for weeks!”

True. Though he hadn’t expected Gabriel to be this vindictive, he’d been bored and Adrien was easy to commandeer around. It had been fun to make him run errands in his father’s atelier, and if he’d convinced him to press a few buttons on Gabriel’s tablet... so what? His uncle was so much more entertaining when he was furious.

“You made it look as if I did it on purpose!”

Felix’ smile wavered.

“I did? I’m sure I warned you that playing with your fathers things had consequences.”

Well, he’d formulated it differently, back then. Maybe he’d phrased it to make Adrien think Gabriel would praise him for sorting his designs. But these details were irrelevant now.

“It’s been so long, I barely remember.”, he chuckled.

After Adrien didn’t budge, he added: “But I’m very sorry if you got in trouble.”

He sighed deeply, thinking of his goal.

“The truth is, I wasn’t always very considerate of you. And I’m really sorry, Adrien.”

His cousins distrust seemed to fade, so he continued.

“You were nothing but welcoming of me, and I was a little... too excited. There’s a lot I should have done differently.”

That much was true.

“I was hoping we could start over,” he offered Adrien the bait, “but I understand if you prefer for me to leave you alone.”

Adrien’s greatest fear: being alone. He would be like clay in his hands now.

“I...”, the older boy started. He was visibly torn between caution and hope, before his need for company took over. “O-Okay. I understand. And... I would like to spend time with you.”

A smile appeared on Adrien’s face.

“Starting over sounds... great!”

He’d taken the bait, just as always. Emilie’s golden boy would never learn.

As he moved to hug his cousin, slipping Adrien’s phone into the sleeve of his shirt was a piece of cake.

Oh. Well. He’d thought he had a lot of pictures of Ladybug, but it looked like Adrien had once again beaten him at something. And it wasn’t just the amount of photos, it was their content! Close ups of Ladybug’s face, smiling into the camera or waving at the photographer. Shots of her jumping over the rooftops, from a point of view that should have been impossible to attain. The blurriness of the buildings told him that the camera must have moved at a similar speed as Ladybug, but no News Helicopter should have been able to fly this low or close to her.

“How did you get these?”, he murmured, envy twisting his guts. A gasp escaped him when he reached the last picture of the collection. It was a selfie, and Ladybug was laughing into the camera while playfully shoving the person taking the picture away. Felix couldn’t see the face of the mysterious photographer, but amidst the blurred brawl there was a splotch of familiar blond hair.

He couldn’t believe it.

Adrien, this naive, immature and clueless brat, had taken a selfie with Ladybug on the rooftops of Paris. He was close enough for her to laugh with him, close enough for her to tussle and fool around with on a photo. Everything Felix desired was once again already in his cousins hands. How?!

His mind was racing. He had to change his plans.

Originally, Felix had wanted to use Adrien to get close to the Ladyblogger. The girl obviously had - or knew someone who had - the means to ask Ladybug for an interview. Once he found out how, he would have been able to meet her. To convince her of himself.

But now this was out of discussion. If he wanted Ladybug to pay attention to him, he needed Adrien out of the way.

Without further ado, he opened a closet and pulled out some of Adrien’s clothes. He got changed, ruffled his hair to match his cousin, and carefully peeked out of the bathroom. Adrien was busy on his computer, allowing Felix to check if he had gotten everything right. The hair, the clothes, the shoes... the ring! He wouldn’t manage to steal it without Adrien noticing, but- ...Wait. Since when was Adrien wearing a ring? And why hadn’t he seen it in any Agreste collection?

He felt like there was more to it, but time was precious. Lazily he snipped a piece of soap against the window, causing Adrien to look up and walk towards the other side of the room. A little sneakiness on his part, and he was out of the room.

The adults were in the dining room, talking about things that didn’t interest him in the slightest. He unlocked Adrien’s phone - this idiot hadn’t changed his password in years - and took a selfie with the distracted adults in the background.

“Father isn’t watching - time to sneak out!”, he captioned it, before accidentally sending it to Gabriel’s and Nathalie’s social media.

He didn’t have to wait long. Ducking behind the stairs, he watched as Nathalie looked on her phone, before suddenly rushing up the stairs to check on her protégé. Muffled voices argued on the first floor, before Nathalie closed and locked the door behind her - trapping Adrien in his room.

“Sorry, cousin.”, Felix smirked. “But I can’t afford to have you ruining my chances.”

With that, he happily strolled out of the mansion, ready to conquer Paris - and the heart of its hero.

#miramu writes #yandere!felix #evil!felix #miraculous ladybug #mlb #marinette dupain cheng #ml felix #felix agreste

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babethepig · 5 years ago

Text

two slow dancers

Summary: "Who are you dating? Do I know him?"Dan snorts."Phil," it comes out easy and natural, Dan's brain processing what he said a second too late.

or dan and phil are best friends and neighbors and secretly (not so secretly) in love but from Dan's POV.

Second part of you fill my head with you

Word count: 2.7K

Rating: G

(read on ao3)

Dan doesn't even notice the first lie, it slips through his lips like dry sand escapes your fingers when the wind blows. He must show a lot of conviction because Rina believes him without a fuss and she doesn't usually believe in Dan's excuses.

She wants Dan to go on a date with a friend of her’s, she has been nagging Dan for a whole week. It's Friday, at this point Dan is in a state of total annoyance.

"Where is this coming from?" Dan squints at her. "In all the months I have known you, you haven't cared about my love life."

She makes a face. "Ok, maybe my friend saw a picture of you and has been bullying me into getting him a date with you."

"Well, that's flattering," Rina rolls her eyes, Dan ignores her. "But I don't think my boyfriend will appreciate me going out with some other dude."

Her face lights up at the word boyfriend, Dan can see the moment it happens, her eyes go wide and her mouth hangs open.

"You didn't tell me about your boyfriend!"

Dan shrugs. "It's pretty recent."

"Who are you dating? Do I know him?"

Dan snorts.

"Phil," it comes out, easy and natural, Dan's brain processing what he said a second too late.

Dan is not going to think why it feels so right to say it, he's sure the guilt will come later anyway.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ ☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

Dragging his feet against the floor while he makes his way through the hallway, Dan reaches his door. He’s standing in front of it but changes his mind at the last second. He turns around. There's another place he would rather be at.

Dan gets his key out and opens the door like is his own home, he ignores the feeling of buzzing bees in his stomach and twists the doorknob. Sometimes, Dan likes to pretend this is his life and he gets to come home to Phil every day, and kiss him hello and goodbye and goodnight and kiss him and kiss him and kiss him... But he ruined his chance.

Phil’s apartment is quiet when Dan enters, that’s a rare occurrence, Phil is usually home when Dan comes back, with food already on the way and maybe some board game set up.

“Phil?” Dan takes his shoes off by the door. “Phil, are you here?”

A noise comes from the room, it sounds like a soft whine. Dan rushes in.

“Phil?”

He's a lump on the bed, curled up on himself. Phil whines again.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Dan sits on the edge of the bed.

"Head hurts,” Phil mumbles, sounding miserable. Dan pushes the hair off his forehead.

“Is it really bad?” Dan makes sure to use the softest voice he can, to not disturb him. “Did you take your tablets?”

Phil shakes his head.

Dan goes fetch the tablets, he knows where Phil keeps them. It’s not the first time he has witnessed one of Phil’s migraines, he knows how bad they can get. He goes to the kitchen and fills a glass with cool water before going back to the room.

“There you go,” Phil sits up to take his medicine. “You look like a kicked puppy,” Dan gives him a warm smile

Phil pouts. “Lay with me,” he says, making grabby hands towards Dan.

The bees inside Dan’s stomach start buzzing harder, Dan wouldn’t say no to Phil.

Dan takes off his coat, realizing just now that he’s still wearing it, and slips into the bed behind Phil, he wraps an arm around Phil's waist and rests his open palm on his stomach.

“Missed you,” Phil mumbles before falling unconscious again.

In moments like this Dan tries to remember he did this to himself.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ ☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

“You have a boyfriend?” Estelle asks, cornering Dan in the break room.

“Rina told you?”

“Of course she did, she’s my wife,” she puts her hands on her waist and gives him a look that makes him feel like he’s in trouble.

“You’re not married.”

“We’re beyond that,” Estelle shrugs. “Why didn’t you tell us before? Haven’t you thought about all the double dates we could have been having all this time?”

“It’s pretty recent,” he repeats the lie he told Rina just the other day.

“Phil is your neighbour, right?” Dan nods. “I mean, it was just a matter of time, you’re always talking about him.” Her whole demeanour changes after she says that and she smiles at him. “Anyway, I’ll stop bothering you but you owe us a date.” She points a finger to him seeming far more threatening that someone so short and so sweet-looking should seem before leaving the room.

Dan has gotten himself into a big mess, he knows Estelle and Rina won’t stop pestering him until they meet Phil. Dan likes them, they are great people and they took Dan under their wing when he first got his job, he thinks of them as his friends and he hates lying to them. Still, he can’t just tell them the truth, Dan’s still filled with regret from the things he said.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ ☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

Phil has no business being so cute, with his rosy cheeks and pretty blue eyes, tipsy from the wine they had with dinner. Martyn and Cornelia’s sofa is too small for the four of them, Phil stands in front of them for an awkward second before Dan pulls him to sit on his lap. Phil giggles and Martyn and Corn are unfazed, Dan wonders if they think there’s something between him and Phil. He hopes they do.

Dan wraps his arms around Phil’s waist and squeezes, maybe he can blame it on the wine but he feels it wouldn’t be fair, he touches Phil because he wants to and he can only hope Phil feels the same autonomy of his actions when he rests his head on the crook of Dan’s neck and puts his hands over his.

Everything feels easy with Phil, everything but words. Dan always thought he was eloquent enough to make himself understood, the problem is he’s also pretty impulsive and easily frightened, it seems.

When Dan first met Phil he was terrified, he thought Phil was an amazing person and he couldn’t believe someone like him was interested in Dan, at the moment he convinced himself he was doing Phil a favour because Dan was just going to disappoint him. Those were other times, Dan likes to think, now he knows his own worth and he knows he would never hurt Phil intentionally.

The real problem is that he doesn’t know how to communicate that to Phil, at least not with words. Maybe one of these days Phil will realize that every single one of Dan’s touches is full of intent and love and all the words Dan can't bring himself to say.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ ☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

Dan has been moping around all day, he must admit. Phil left early to visit his parents and Dan was cut short of his Phil time. Maybe he should be doing a better job at masking it but he misses Phil and he dreads going back home because he won’t be there.

Rina notices Dan’s mood because her desk it too close to his and she always seems to have time to check on Dan at least ten times a day, she says she’s perceptive but Estelle says she’s nosy, Dan doesn’t have an opinion, it’s nice to have someone caring about him.

“Why the long face, hun?” she asks, sitting on top of his desk without a care in the world.

Dan answers before thinking too much, “Phil’s away.”

“Oh, no. Have you been left all alone?”

Dan pouts and nods.

“Poor baby,” she pouts back at him. “We should have a sleepover!” Rina smiles again, holding her hand close to her chest and putting on an excited face.

Dan doesn’t see why not to agree, he needs something to lift himself anyway and he would like to have some fun and not be alone.

“I’m down if you and Estelle don’t mind a sad giraffe invading your home.”

Rina laughs. “We don’t mind. I’ll text you our address in a second,” she waves him goodbye and gets off the desk.

Dan spends the rest of his shift being grateful for his friends -and thinking about Phil, but just a little.-

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ ☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

“You think Phil will be free next weekend?” Estelle asks out of nowhere.

Dan is laying between them on their bed a little full of pizza and a little drunk. He’s caught off guard for a second while he scrambles his brain for a credible lie.

“I could ask him but he has been very busy lately,” Dan feels awful for lying to them, he’s a shit friend and he doesn’t deserve them. “But I promise I’ll convince him to do something all of us together soon.”

“That’s alright,” Rina chimes in, Dan thought she was already asleep for how still she was. They might have had one too many Mojitos. “We just want to know the guy that has our Dan's heart,” she drapes her arm and her leg around Dan and reaches out for Estelle’s hand, their joined hands resting on Dan’s stomach.

“Serious talk,” Estelle says. “Does he treat you right?"

"Yeah," Dan says all high pitched, feeling his face get flushed.

"We just want you to be happy," Rina cranks her neck in an awkward angle to drop a kiss on Dan's cheek.

"I'm happy, I promise," it looks like the lies will never cease.

"If he ever hurts you, you just tell us and we will spray paint 'bitch' on his wall."

Dan snorts, "I'll keep that in mind."

He definitely deserves the ‘worst person in the world’ award.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ ☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

The domesticity of going grocery shopping with Phil hurts Dan deep to his non-existent soul. He finds himself wishing, once again, that this was his life.

He pushes the cart, Phil beside him trying to read his messy handwriting because he couldn’t write his shopping list on his phone or just try to remember what he needs and die when he inevitably forgets something like normal people do.

They stop by the cereal aisle and Phil takes his time choosing one, Dan gets his phone out and scrolls through Instagram, he sees Rina posted a picture of the day of their sleepover, she and Estelle are sitting up on the bed, Rina is pecking Estelle’s cheek. They are bending in a strange way to avoid crushing Dan, that is still sleeping between them. The pic is captioned ‘perfect centrepiece’.

Dan huffs out a quiet laugh and likes the post, he’s thinking of a clever comment when Phil taps him on the shoulder.

“Should we have granola for breakfast?” and then with a mischievous tone. “Or eggs?”

The implication that they’re having breakfast together makes Dan’s heart beat faster but he tries to keep a neutral face, better if Phil doesn’t know what a simple thing like the promise of shared meals can do to Dan.

“We’re vegan,” Dan reminds him.

Phil makes a face and puts the granola in the cart. He doesn’t have to, Dan thinks, he is the one trying to be vegan and Phil is just his friend, it’s not like they live together and have to accommodate to each other’s life habits or can take conjoined decisions, this food is for Phil’s place and Dan’s veganism shouldn’t affect the way he shops and yet Phil cares, he wants to do things with Dan, do things for Dan.

This is the kind of moment that makes Dan want to be brave for once and talk to Phil about what he feels and admit that he screwed up at the beginning of their relationship but he always talks himself out of it.

The supermarket is not a great place for love declarations anyway.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ ☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

Dan suspects he has reached his lowest point when he fakes a call to get out of another double date planning conversation, he can’t keep making excuses to avoid introducing his alleged boyfriend to Estelle and Rina. He could say that he broke up with Phil, though they might not believe it. Maybe he could say it was something mutual, that they decided they were better off as friends.

His stomach turns at the idea, even a fictional breakup would be too much for his already bruised heart, if he actually had Phil he wouldn’t give him up as easy as this, he would try to make it work.

Maybe he’s just setting himself off for rejection but Dan decides that he’s going to tell Phil how he feels after the Holidays, he just doesn’t want to ruin that for Phil so he’s going to wait.

For now, he’s going to try to convince Phil to show up to a lunch date with Rina and Estelle as Dan’s boyfriend.

Without him knowing.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ ☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

Of course, Phil shows up despite not having an idea of what is going on. Of course, he plays along even if he is notoriously mad. Of course, he’s the perfect fake boyfriend. Of course, Dan is more screwed than he was before.

Phil really is the perfect boyfriend, Dan reckons. He’s nice to Dan but still has a sense of humour to tease him and bant with him, he’s charming and pretty and Dan is sure Rina and Estella have bought the act.

Dan has bought it too if he’s being honest, he feels like he’s being allowed to have a peek into the life he could have had if only he hasn’t pushed Phil away. Phil is the best person in the world and Dan is an imposter.

By the end of the date, Dan has convinced himself there’s no way Phil still wants him and he should keep his distance

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ ☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

Phil needs time away from him, Dan repeats in his head over and over again until he makes himself think he believes it.

Not knocking at Phil's door every time he comes back from work gets harder every time, not having Phil there to share every moment it's killing Dan. But confrontation is worse.

Dan can't handle Phil's disappointment, Phil's anger. What if Phil hates him for being a liar? What if he doesn’t want to be friends with Dan anymore? What if he moves out and Dan never sees him again?

Dan doesn't even want to think about it.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ ☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

When the power goes out and Phil comes into his apartment Dan can barely believe it. He forgets that he’s scared of the dark and just jumps into Phil’s arms, too happy to know Phil doesn’t hate him to care about the absence of light around them.

They talk and Dan confesses he was scared of fucking up everything between them and Phil tells him he loves him despite everything. Things still feel a little tilted, they have a lot to talk about, but Dan has the feeling they will work it out at the end.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ ☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

Phil is a big fan of double dates. Well, probably he’s just a big fan of Estelle and Rina. Dan can’t blame him, they’re amazing.

They all hang out so much Rina ends up pointing out Phil’s new lack of responsibilities and Dan has to come clean about his lies. He’s lucky they’re just mad at him for about five minutes. Estelle says she’s too glad it worked out at the end to be angry and Rina says she only forgives him because Phil is sweet, not because of Dan, he’s an asshole. It’s better than what he could have ever asked for.

And Dan gets to be with Phil, as unbelievable as he finds it.

They’re on the sofa, Dan’s arm over Phil’s shoulders. It’s nothing they wouldn't have done before but it still gives Dan a trill, he's Phil's boyfriend, he has his arm around his shoulders and Phil is cuddling into him. It's not different and yet it's completely different. There are no excuses or pretences, they’re free to love each other.

Good thing this is Dan's life.

#phanfiction #phan #mine

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kierongillen · 5 years ago

Text

Writer Notes: The Wicked + the Divine 44

Spoilers, obv.

I'm aware that this is either going to be a relatively short one or an epic one. The risk of the latter is that rather than just talking about the issue, for the first time I'm free to talk about the series as a whole, and so talk about some of those other choices. There'll be some of that, but it would warp the nature of the notes, and give some false perspective. I can talk about it being over now, sure, but talking about it all means I'm not talking about this element. Not least because I can't talk about it all – there's still the question of issue 45.

But still. There's a lot to talk about, and a lot of hard things in here to do. We knew where we going, but the devil is in the details. The devil's everywhere.

Jamie/Matt's Cover

Minerva finally gets her head-shot. I was a little worried that people would realise exactly what was happening to Minerva here, but I didn't see anyone realise she's falling, and speculate why. Of course, I knew what it was and couldn't not see it. That's how it works.

It's a striking last image though – this is an especially blank glance, in the middle of all the motion. Matt's pink/white nimbus is really powerful too.

Emma Rios/Miquel Muerto

Emma's one of our favourite artists, and we were so glad that we managed to get her before the end. Emma's always someone who gets this evocative drama of it all – this is obviously a momentous cover, but you don't know the moment until reading. Laura and Lucifer being a core relationship, and the hint of leaving. Miquel does strong, atmospheric things with the colours as well. It's a great cover to end the story on. On - Pretty Deadly is back on the same day as 45, and I can't wait. Gets!

IFC

In terms of minor things we did which have a big emotional effect, changing the gods' names to their human names was certainly one. It sits there and stings.

Page 1

This issue is particularly tightly wound, so we set the clock on the issue in this one page.

I had a couple of people wonder where the cops came from. I presume it's because the delay in publication – the "we have to go now because of woden's tape has revealed we're almost all complicit" is the only reason why they went for Minerva immediately.

For a page that's so tightly wound, Jamie does some great establishing here. Opening panel with the fire in top of Valhalla, to link to last issue. A shot with all these people in it – a character beat, and three extremely dialogue low panels.

Page 2

Riff on Better The Devil You Know.

The weird rhythm in WicDiv is the arcs-which-take-place-in-a-very-short-time and arcs-which-take-place-over-months. Faust act, Rising Action, Imperial Phase II, "Okay" are the over-a-short time. Fandemonium, Commercial Suicide, Imperial Phase I and Mothering Invention are the extended ones. The closest to one which does both is Faust Act, which spreads its action over a week or two.

Page 3

Lovely stuff in here with Jamie, in terms of character work – obviously this is Lucifer hamming it up, but seeing individual responses around the room is a hell of a thing. Minerva's a total mess here.

Valentine giving up clever insults at this point is probably a thing.

Page 4-5 "Bothersome" is a very Lucifer word. The expression in panel 2 is also key Lucifer – that eye-roll of it.

Laura's captions also arrive mid way through – key, as they're clearly going to be key. I was thinking of having them at the start of page 3 as well, but we can let us live in the moment.

Laura's performance tentacles is a lovely panel – seeing how Matt works the colours on the space. The blues fading to white, the reds. Honestly, this is making me miss working with Matt already, and seeing how good he and Jamie are together.

Callbacks here to Lucifer in the first arc – the cycle of it all.

"There were two girls in hell" makes me well up. |It's one of my favourite Jamie expressions in the issue.

Page 6-7

When planning the larger structure of WicDiv, I was aware that I made certain calls in hope I would be able to save people. The early "death" of the Heads was actually a way to protect them. I was aware that characters who were in play were far more likely to die, as they had more chances to do so. I knew I could likely save the heads, so by making them heads, I made it more likely.

I originally planned for Dionysus to die, but I couldn't bear it. His hubris was real, but the idea that someone could give so much without anyone really caring or doing something for him was too heart breaking, even for me. I realised during Rising Action that I could actually save him – the pieces were already in play, and I just had to lean into those relationships to lead to Baph's choices. At the start, I wasn't sure where Baphomet ended in year 4 – part of me thought he'd survive, as I didn't have that final beat for him at the start. That I didn't have a hard end for Baphomet always made him open to the story finding another purpose for him – which is an end which I can't imagine any other way now. WicDiv is an awful necessary machine.

That applied to Lucifer too. She was a darling, obviously, but she was always going to be trouble. Part of me was aware that she could come back and almost immediately get killed again. I'd like her to make it out, but it was possible she wouldn't.

So, as I said last time, when I realised she was the final opposition I was pleased – that was perfect to the themes and the structure.

I wrote in my synopsis that Laura uses a performance to touch Lucifer and convince her into renouncing her godhood, and left it at that.

There it sat until I came to script it.

Because, in all honesty, I had no idea how Laura was going to convince Lucifer to give up her godhood. I just trusted that there would be some way Laura could reach her. Or, really, I hoped there was – because I knew if I wrote something that didn't feel convincing to me, I wouldn't do the scene. Lucifer would have died instead.

So, the day came when I was scripting this sequence, and I started writing, and wondered what the performance would be, and I just wrote "Laura descends the Ananke head sequence and drags Luci back."

Then I leaned back, a little shocked, because that was clearly right, and so clearly fit with what the series does – a final deconstruction of one of our core visual icons, giving a new way to look at the sequence and think about it. It was just there. As if it was there all along. Or just the sort of thought that emerges when you've been obsessed over this fucking thing for five years.

I'm aware of the weird resonance as well – Laura's finding a performance to save a friend is me finding a performance to save a character. WicDiv was a weird book.

Jamie and Matt go to town, of course – the melting faces are just painful, and wonderfully done. The fleshy reds, the fires. How Clayton uses the captions across the page to play with pacing...

I originally suggested we do it completely as the WicDiv spread, with Laura crawling across the centre spread and making her way up – that it would be treating what is meant to be two columns as a space was decided to be too much, so instead we went with flipping to a subjective perspective on a space that we've only experienced from a single objective outside viewpoint. That's got magic too.

Page 8

A long time to get to this kiss, right?

We moved the dialogue around a little to nail some moments – we had the magic effect on the final panel so the transition to the next page wasn't too much.

The annoyance of Eleanor in the last panel is just my everything. I described it to Jamie by using a metaphor of me in my early thirties, having split up with an Ex, and torn between various places, including seriously wondering whether, after everything, the simple answer to my sexuality stuff was that I was just gay. How annoyed I would have been, after all those years, if it was that. Just a "Oh, FFS. I'm just gay! Why didn't I get that earlier? Why have I wasted all this time? What a fucking fool I am."

That.

Page 9

Repeat of core WicDivian imagery, turned to a different purpose. After these magificent godly reveals, we do this very normal world.

Yeah. This would have been a happy place to end the series.

Page 10

Laura wants to be better, of course. It's easy to say you want to do better.

A+ Cassandra-ing in the background there.

Page 11

Now, Minerva is dead in a few pages time, and she is a genuine monster, trapped in a system of her own making. But I didn't want to send her into the void thinking she had that horror awaiting her. I can't forgive her, but I can give her a little peace.

Title drop, of course, with a wonderful expression by Jamie. There's a lot here.

Okay, let's do this.

"Okay" is a phrase that's haunted WicDiv. We've come back to it multiple times – it's a fascinating word in the English language, and has caused problems for people translating it, in the mixture of ambivalence and optimism in it is really tricky. Clearly, we use everything inside the word.

It wasn't my Dad's last words, but it's the last exchange I remember with him. Everyone else was out, and I was helping him back to his seat. He says to me.

"Son, I know this is strange, but I can't help but think it's going to be okay."

And I can almost imagine my eyes bulging out of my head, as I wanted to howl at him: no, Dad. It really fucking isn't.

This comes up almost verbatim in the first arc, with the exchange between Laura and Lucifer before she breaks out. The series is about many things, but my Father's death was the core inspiration for it, and that "It's going to be okay" haunted me and it.

I don't think this is what my Dad meant, clearly, but it's how I've ended up metabolising it. I've been signing "It's going to be okay" when I sign Faust Acts, partially as it's the WicDiv phrase, partially as a secret-promise-that-they-won't-all-die-and-there-is-hope and partially because "When death comes, it's okay" is that buried in it. If I had to boil the book down to a sentence, it'd be it. It means different things depending how you look at it. That's all I've got.

Page 12

I talk about Solving The Equation of the third year, and Dio being in play for this section is absolutely part of it.

That first panel. I said that the cast were all people I'd have killed to be at various stages of my life. Umar is someone I try to be now. I don't succeed, but he's a worthy goal. Kind is not soft and all that.

While the silent panel is something you've all seen before, it's worth highlighting how good Jamie is. The favourite gesture of the scene is the eyes upwards of Cassandra – I don’t remember Jamie using this angle before, and it's really striking. I suddenly miss that I won't be working with Jamie again for a while. Have fun, Jamie. You were the best.

And now, this.

Page 13-14-15

"It would take a real monster to kill a kid" is one of those lines that have been sitting in the files since the beginning.

There was a fan artist in the WicDiv community early on who kept on doing these totally charming portraits of Baal and Minerva playing around in a big brother and little sister way. Every time I saw them, I felt both love for the art, and a sadness. "In four years time, you are going to have a terrible day."

That's one of the weirdest things of the last four years – that. Knowing that stuff is out there.

Looking at this at a little distance, I see the elements in – the standing on the edge, the "Please Don't" and all that. I sigh. This is awful and upsetting and that page turn is one of the hardest in the series. I wish Valentine would forgive himself, but he couldn't.

This is the sort of thing I want to write a lot about, and want to write nothing. I think I'll keep it as just the facts, in terms of trying to plot this.

Occasionally you get to a knot – I knew Valentine had to kill Minerva, that Valentine couldn't bear to live after that was done and that Minerva had to die after Baal gave up his powers. How to you put those three together, without introducing something else.

C asked "Where does it happen? Could it happen somewhere high?" and the rest was there. Falling being the repeating WicDiv image as well.

I think I pictures this actually side on, without the drop. Jamie's choice is better, just because of the eyes.

The three panels is something we're returned too, but choosing the distance was key. You know it's there, but I didn't want to revel in the dead bodies. This is a different kind of death to many of the ones in the book, and has to be treated as such. Any more blood than shows they're dead would be obscene.

I sigh again. I note that Matt does the lights on the guns perfectly, but I want to highlight craft. The shot of eveyrone waiting is a huge thing – Inanna's grief, Dio stepping in, and the crossed arms of Cassandra...

I think it was when I was plotting the second year at WicDiv that I realised that I couldn't see a way out of this which didn't involve the majority of the cast ending up in jail for a while. I was okay with that, as it made some sense. It's thematically resonant for a few ways – it's a choice which shows their acceptance of their acts, and their actual humanity as well as an understanding of their power, and lots more.

However, due to all the straight, white characters being dead, it does mean that a all-queer all-PoC-minus-Lucifer cast going to jail, in the current jail system. That said, while far from perfect, the UK is not the US. I don't think I could have written this ending in the US. Even in the UK, I safety-proof it conceptually as much as I can.

They are all queer, and almost all PoC... but they are also superhumans (and mostly rich.) They have a degree of power, and options which are not open to other people... and it is their one chance to try and navigate this space with no-one else (either them or other humans) getting killed. It's their last chance to act in good faith to the rest of the species.

I wouldn't trust the system if they were people without their resources. They're not. And this is the least-worst choice I can see.

I'm sure some of you will disagree with me on that.

More safety-proofing – Voluntuaryism is an anarchist idea. "The only true order is voluntary order" basically.

18-19-20

This is a lot of space for a sequence which is relatively minor dramatic weight, but as we segue towards the end, we want it to breathe a little. Plus there's the matter of the page turns – the previous interstitial was about pushing that as well, so both the "surrender" and Laura's final headshot are on a turn.

Matt's lighting in this sequence is wonderful – I said to Jamie that I was thinking of almost suggesting we're changing genre before Laura steps in. It's a "The special forces go after Batman" sort of sequence. I was thinking of the one from Batman: Year Zero, which is some top class special forces entering darkened environments.

Another moment of the weird-colouring-in-a-balloon, and the actually living in the moment.

Taking the guns is more safety-proofing, showing they are not acting in blind faith of the system. That Laura can take the guns also shows that Laura likely could walk out of prison any time she wants, and the rest will be able to do the same too.

(Not that the people in power know they don't presently have access to their big ones, of course.)

We originally has Cass shouting that final line, but had it much more matter of fact. This is kind of past shouting.

21-22

Yeah, this is calling back all manner of stuff. Back to the courtroom.

Jamie asked me a lot about the final expression, as is only right. This is a story where we've used head shots a lot, normally with pose. This is something else.

Worth noting that Laura couldn't be sentenced to life imprisonment. She's 18 so would be sentenced for "custody for life". Not that the story actually says what she's been sentenced to that either – we cut before the sentence is given. Don’t expect a firm answer to that in next issue either.

But they all have been sentenced to life, in the obvious metaphorical way. Laura has been depressed and self-destructive to the point of a death wish throughout. At the end, she's decided to try to live.

I count that as bitter sweet, and I count that as a win. I'm proud of her. I'm proud of them all.

I'm in tears now.

24-28

And we were when compiling the letters page. Thanks you lot.

Jamie and I both had really intense feelings about the final cover. It's clear why we've kept it secret (it gives away Laura survives) but to see this young woman we've been writing about older was incredibly moving.

Laura was 20 years younger than me at the start of WicDiv, and she's 20 years older than me at the end. Feeling suspended between the two poles, identically. The duality of it, one more time.

I love this cover so much, and I loved these characters, this book, you lot.

Thanks for reading.

#WicDiv #the wicked and the divine #Writer notes

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